#plus I definitely don't have the worst issues of adhd

[anonymous-harpy]

Queso I am now 100% convinced I am definitely high functioning ADHD

Why?

I talked to one of my many coworkers that have adhd and talked with them a bit about the consolation I had a few weeks back and they kinda opened up to talk with me about it, about their issues with ADHD

And there was just too many things that were similar or relatable

Like... I've read up on it and like... i definitely felt like I had a few of the behaviors but then there were other's where I went "No that doesn't sound right" and after off and on research and just listening to people who had ADHD I went "Wait a minute... I DO DO THAT"

like hyper fixation! I kinda forgot that all throughout my childhood I would not eat or drink except when my parents made me food or told me to eat and I would not go to the bathroom when I was about to piss myself when I was getting into my thing; playing videogames. I also did this with drawing when I was in my teens and did it a lot when I was writing.

I definitely feel like I hyper fixate a little less, but that's really only because I'm an adult who needs to work and when I'm stressed, especially since being put in the office, I kinda can't let myself fall into that mode. I mean i can and I do, but there's too many things happening for me to just ignore taking care of myself like that. Like... I usually get three days off in a row. The first day I'm distressing and I'm most likely to ignore basic needs on day one, then day two I'm taking care of shit around the house and stuff outside the house like shopping and day there I'm trying to relax and making extra sure I've feed myself properly.

But I'll forget to show or I'll think about it... And think think think about it and just not do it. That is partially the depression, because if I'm in a good mood for a week or two I'll usually shower on a proper schedule.

But then like the laundry. Unless I'm out of something or I'm going to need it REALLY soon I don't care about getting it done. And even then I don't fold it. I just put it on the dryer until the pile of clean clothes is either too big or again there's nothing in my drawer to wear.

Returning to the job thing I can prioritize certain things properly. The job is one of them, and like I just detailed, days that I work I HAVE to take care of myself properly, at least ib terms of eating and drinking or else I couldn't do it. As it is after three days I start getting mussybrained.

Buuuuuutt while I'm working in the office I'm "hidden" behind a one way mirror. I have no shame in admitting I write, doddle and watch/listen to YouTube back there. I have do my job. I stop what I'm doing the second I need to actually do my job. But I cannot spend seven straight hours just watching the cashier's in front of me and pretending like I'm doing something. As long as the books come up right and customers don't complain to corporate then there's not really any consequences to me keeping myself entertained back there. Of course I'm working in a small town versus a big city and that has a HUGE impact on things too.

Like there's tona more I could talk about and explain, but it's hard to express it all through text

The other thing with the like hyper fixation though. Cooler and Baby-Vegeta

EVERY GODDAAMN THING I GET INTO I WILL FIND A CHARACTER OR THREE TO OBSESS OVER

The last obsession was Metal Gear and Revolver Ocelot was the big bitch who had all my attention, then Venom Snake, Raiden largely due to MGRR, ducking Liquid and Solidous. TF2 I was WAAAAY to into Medic

And even my FNAF craze actually FNAF was my first official obsession I could tell you about. It still lingers... And thats the fub part, most of the stuff I get into LINGERS with me

FEEL FREE TO TELL ME HOW WRONG I AM BECAUSE THAT'S ALWAYS AN OPTION

I just needa BLLLLAG about this

[sugar-and-spite]

hey i hope this isnt weird with me being a total stranger but i saw your post in the tag about ocd + adhd and not knowing if that’s a Thing and i just thought i would send you my two cents, since ocd + adhd is apparently exactly what i have! in my case i got diagnosed w/ ocd first and then adhd (inattentive type) a year later. i know chances of misdiagnoses are very high from what i have read and talks ive had with both my ocd and adhd specialists, particularly misdiagnosing ocd as hyperactive adhd. but i really can tell you that i definitely definitely have both. i can read about either one, about the unique symptoms/experiences with technically no overlap, and just go “exactly exactly exactly�� every line. adhd meds work wonders for helping me feel grounded and focused but does nothing to control my compulsions, while ocd therapy has been so effective for overcoming some of my obsessions but does nothing to mitigate hyperfixations, etc. it feels like i kind of have otherwise textbook cases of both, except for the fact that i just happen to have them together (ain’t life fun)

speaking completely from my own experiences, i will say my adhd tendencies and my ocd tendencies usually feel pretty separate. i would describe it spending most of the day dealing with adhd stuff with ocd moments peppered in lol. but i feel they do interact in some ways. certainly my adhd makes my worst ocd compulsions more difficult to deal with because it can overlap with bouts of hyperfocus that makes it VERY hard to stop. my adhd also makes erp therapy plans (i.e. exposure-response prevention, standard ocd treatment) harder to stick to consistently due to executive dysfunction, plus my weird rotation of more minor ocd obsessions and compulsions that come and go at varying levels of intensity almost like hyperfixations. my ocd in turn affects my adhd hyperfixations by making my engagement with them a bit compulsive at times. basically it feels like adhd and ocd are two little guys in my brain pointing at each other saying “i can make them worse” lol

obviously i cant diagnose you over a tumblr ask or at all nsgshshs im not a professional myself or anything, i also don’t know if this will even sound relatable because adhd can present soo differently and ocd can entail so many different kinds of obsessions and compulsions but i thought it might help to share my experience at least in case it’s at all helpful. good luck and stay well out there!

thank you so much for this!! honestly hearing from other people has been the most helpful thing for me with this, my brain has been trying to convince me that i can't possibly have these issues, and it's harder for that to make sense when i hear so many people saying they deal with the same stuff lol

i totally understand what you're saying abt them making each other worse - i feel like some of my obsessions have stemmed from forgetting things due to adhd, and then overcompensating and becoming obsessive over not forgetting. i also have BFRBs (body focused repetitive behaviors - skin picking in my case, but hair pulling is also common) and i've read that those are common with both adhd and ocd. i was on stimulants for a while for my adhd and fatigue, and while they helped those issues immensely, they didn't really help the picking at all, so i wonder if that's because stimulants don't usually help ocd?

anyway, this isn't weird at all and i really appreciate hearing other people's perspectives 💖 it makes me feel like i'm less alone in my brainweirdness!

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

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We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

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My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

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I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

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HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

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Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

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Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun