#pls don’t judge me LOL
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jade jade, you and your ancient men 🤭 thoughts on king deshret!alhaitham (or anything similar, maybe khaenri’ah!alhaitham hehehe)?
HELP NOT ANCIENT MEN 😭😭😭 leonardo dicaprio is a creep for dating a 19 yr old but if u ever see me dating 500+ yr old hoyo men, what we have is different mind ur own business ik wat i’m doing !!!
deshret!alhaitham….. is not something i think abt often but when i do i become absolutely crippled by the sad ending, thinking about how, if u put the entire ancient history of sumeru into perspective, GoF was gone pretty early on… and then w rukkhadevata leaving to the forest later on, haitham would just be alone in his (eventual) madness T^T…. but omg okie… i have 2 possible routes…. the first n obvious one is GoF jadie tht follows canon lore ໒꒰ྀི˶˃ᆺ˂˶ ꒱ྀིა n the other is post-GoF (not me tho) death n i am just a priestess who mayb kinda resembles her…. and becus deshret!haitham knows he will never love again… i am just company under the sheets </3
but omgieeee khaenri’ah!alhaitham !! is smthg ! i have never thought about before ever ! but !!!! i can see him to be a scholar or tutor hehe mayb he is My family’s tutor n comes w me when i go to stay at court as a trusted confidante ^^ advising me not to catch feelings for dain (n catch feelings for him instead ? hehe justkidding he knows better than that) but i ignore him becus this Au ain’t about him <( ˘͡ ˘̯)> omg they would be in the same boat tho…. social status drama… </3
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“When will you stop calling me Mr. Stark?”
“I don’t know… never? It is your name, yeah?”
“Uh-huh, I know it, but Pete, you know you can call me Tony, right? Or anything you want, for that matter. You have my permission, sweetheart.”
“Oh, Sweetheart, I like it! Anything I want, huh, Dr. Stark?”
“Ugh… I brought that on myself, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did. However, I have a question to ask you.”
“Sure, ask away.”
“Um, I know it sounds silly, but I can’t help but feel like you’ve lived all these moments with others too. And no, I don’t judge you or anything, but it’s just… everyone you’ve ever been with has had the privilege to call you by your name and just… ugh, what I’m trying to say is, I love you, Mr. Stark, I truly do. But I want to come up with something that would be only mine! And I’m rambling again, I’m sorry… Anyway, my question is, can you wait for me to do that, please?”
“Oh, Pete, I didn’t know you felt this way. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through so much distress because of it. But Pete, sweetheart, the love of my life, never, you hear me, never question yourself around me, okay? I can’t change my past actions, but I don’t even remember their names, honey. You are the one for me… all I can think about all day is you and just how much I love you.”
“It’s always Peter,” Tony whispered, looking deep into Peter’s eyes and leaving faint kisses across his face. Peter’s bright, relieved smile reassured Tony that everything would be alright.
“Thank you…I think I came up with something for just us. What do you think of Anthony?” Peter said teasingly, his voice laced with a hint of mischief. Tony’s eyes lit up with amusement. He was all too eager to hear his boyfriend call him that.
“I love it, Peter. Anything you want, sweetheart, anything you want,” he replied with a hint of amusement. If anyone who knew him saw him now, they could easily tell how fond he was of the young pretty man standing before him.
#so honestly i had no idea what i was going to write#it’s my second attempt to write some cutesy fluff and everytime it’s somehow turning into angst#this one i could save but i couldn’t save my first attempt lol#i will probably post my first attempt later..like laaater when i turn it into angst with happy ending#i need happy endings#it was all them gents and ladies#like they are stupidly in love ladies and gents#starker#idk what this is#spiderman#tony stark#ironspider#everything can be starker related🤫#starker fic#idk what tags to use#i’m anxious#don’t judge me#too harsh pls🥺#they are in looove#peter is insecure smtimes#but tony will always reassure him!!#i love them so much like ugh#i will write#my request nonnie it’s just that pete and tony smtimes change the plot entirely#im soo sorry 😭#ficlet
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This song was stuck in my head all day sigh,,, the proportions may be fricked up but hey, I drew!
#bucket’z personal art#I was too lazy to draw the guy’s hand lol#I wasn’t gonna post this originally but I kinda liked it#I might delete later if this makes me too neevous#Don’t judge me pls
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Take a peek inside the mess of what my notes look like when I’m constructing a plot:
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This is that Harry Potter!Seonghwa au btw…and despite the notes…it’s going to be hella angsty and sad, I’m already sorry<3
#just bvidzsoo things#ateez#ateez seonghwa#park seonghwa#I’m finally writing it!!!#and i am SO excited#cuz the plot I wrote for it…oh my lord LOL#mild spoilers?? probably#also…don’t judge me for being into Tom Riddle pls he’s horrible but Christian Coulson plays him and I’m just a simple girl OKK
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…….. for some ungodly reason my brain cannot stop thinking about nesta and rhys together idk something about it is so funny to me and yet
#・゚* ❛ 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧 / ooc#pls don’t judge me im not serious#or am I 👀#I can’t articulate why but there are just VIBES IT COULD WORK#under certain circumstances!!!!!!!!!!#I need to shut up and go to bed lol
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what kind of music do you like?
here’s how my all-time spotify stats look like for an idea:
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#agsjsgdjdjf honestly i do listen to more than just pop but i do have adhd brain#so there will be many points in time where i will hyperfixate on an artist or an album or a playlist#(me rn with the guts album)#pls don’t judge me but also ahh idc lol#anon#belle answers
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GUESS WHO’S BAAAAAAACKKK!
I’ve been offline for a bit now, partly due to a lack of motivation and burnout, but also because I was sick for a week straight. I do have a few new drawings and sketches which I’ll be posting soon, so yeah.
again, diving back into my childhood with songs from my favorite childhood band “Deine Freunde”. Black text is original, the blue text is my translation. I highly recommend checking them out on Spotify, even if it’s for the beats alone cause hell are they fire. this song is their song “Erwachsene wissen auch nicht alles” (grownups don’t know everything).
alright, see ya lot soon! ^^
oh, and an apology to @iheartleopards for not getting to your request, I’m sorry to keep you waiting so long. I’m not sure if I’ll manage to make it at all anymore, and I hope you can understand.
#art#oc art#artists on tumblr#my art#Deine Freunde#This is literally my childhood#pls don’t judge me#lol#schools a bitch#drink water#bye for now#<3
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¿Que quiere la niña fresa?
#life makeover#life makeover global#life makeover game#my pics#yup another new model pls don’t judge me lol
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hi my jadie!!! the masses (me) are curious to know how a haitham x jade x phainon threesome would go 🥰
like this, now please never bring up this topic again
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YOU ARE SO OUT OF POCKET — THE WAY THIS HAS NEVER ONCE CROSSED MY MIND EVER UNTIL NOW AHHHHHHDKDJ&/&.$!,’JNDNN!:!SHDHDNLSKSJK,!:
but um…to answer your question i guess…. 😿 phainon is eager to please but also competitive and i think that would maybe convince the more boy-ish side of haitham to come out 🫣 friendly competition…or whatever. and i think. it would actually be very sweet because maybe i can see both of them being soft / service doms (?) …. and like phainon would be more loud about his praise, while haitham murmurs it into my skin and ૮ ྀི◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ྀིა IDK JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS MAKES ME FLUSTERED IDK HOW YOU EXPECT ME TO CONTINUE SOB umm … they’d make me cum once or twice first to be sure i’m wet enough to take them >< but oh god OMG. they’re both so big (இ﹏இ`。) it’d be so ….. filling …. i can’t even— haitham on his back + me in the middle … kissing n giving him a weak (sorry </3) handjob + phainon on top, hitting it from the back …. distracting me my fcking me ໒꒰ྀི ∩ ⸝⸝ ∩ ꒱ྀིა which is why the handjob is so weak aldjdn&/&:!f and haitham can feel the way my fingers tremble around his shaft when i break away from kissing him and he’d tilt my chin up to look at him and say to …. keepmyeyesonhim ……. and then they switch n have i phainon in my mouth while haitham overwrites my insides with his cum instead ….. or something … praise kink goes BRRRRJSKSLk
#— 𝓪𝓼𝓴𝓼#nobody look at me pls and don’t judge me sobsob#but hehe do you guys like the edit i made LOL#isn’t it so perfect for the occasion#i had to take multiple breaks answering this#bedridden for 25 hours#✧ mutuals — ꒰ coco ꒱#⋆.༦࿑ོ⁺ 𓂃 𝓳𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓶#·˖𖤓˚. 𓂃 𝓹𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓳𝓪𝓭𝓮
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psst whats ur ao3
It’s @/popering 👀
#b careful in there lol#also anon who r u I’m love u#thanks for asking#<3#also pls don’t judge me there’s only 2 kind of fics I write and they r on entirely different ends of a spectrum
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There's new official art of Chris??? Do you have a link or anything to it plz????
I mean this
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#I think it’s official I mean#it does have the company watermark#last year we got Leon as a coach so getting Chris and Jill as a coach and player respectively makes sense to me#if we’re getting a re5 remake announcement soon#Jill is so cute here too lol I love that they have her in that beret again#also pls don’t judge me for posting screenshots ok im still figuring out this phone
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nothing. A woosh of air from the AC turning back on. It was ominous at first but quickly turned mundane as the whirring sound of the unit trailed behind it. Yet something still felt wrong- off? a hard to place gut feeling; like someone needs him, Steve thinks. Maybe Ms Henderson or well- Claudia as she keeps correcting him, wants help with dinner? Steve stands, much too dustin grumbling, yet looking around the living room- nothing seems out of place. The curtains are still drawn, the coffee table is still messy from movie night, the end credits are rolling quietly in the background, the lights are softly flickering- wait a minute- lights flickering.
(someelse has already reblogged and Idk who to tag so this isn’t an official pt 2. but feel free to continue it if you want lol)
Don't think about Dustin clinging to Steve after Eddie dies, so much so Claudia asks Steve to move in. And when he tries to make Dustin feel better, he makes a fort in the living room, not knowing that Eddie had killed Vecna and is now looking for Steve. Steve, who is reading the Hobbit to Dustin under a blanket. The fort flap opens, and it's -
PASS IT ON, FINISH THE STORY. FIRST PERSON WHO REBLOGS WITH SECOND PART OF THE STORY, TAG THE NEXT PERSON. THE NEXT PERSON ALSO TAGS THE NEXT PERSON, KEEP IT GOING TIL THE STORY HAS AN END.
#this is so bad lol#I haven’t written in forever pls don’t judge me-#stranger things#stranger things s4#eddie munson#eddie stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson lives#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington x eddie munson
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I was happy once
Life was easier, you know?
When I was younger, I’d go out and have fun with my friends like nothing else mattered
But now
Now everything matters
Why does it all matter just now?
Why can’t I just live my life without caring?
I wish
My one and only wish
Is for me to be happy again
And this ‘I was happy once’ to become an ‘I am happy’
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minted: three (explicit) | myg
title: minted: part three (m) pairing: street king!yoongi x street vendor!reader series: masterlist | one | two rating/genre: m (18+) ; angst , smut ; haegeum au , gang au summary: at this point, you would do anything to forget. including the unthinkable with a gangster. note: sooo this series basically saved my writing slump haha. i am still having the time of my life and i’m so excited to show y’all more of this minted universe. and to also show you just how spicy things can get❤️🔥 note 2: this is ofc a present for hali @sailoryooons that spiraled into a whole universe. still always gonna thank nary @joonary for letting me use the vendor reader idea, as well! also happy birthday to @remmykinsff @awbells @keylime4eva @aaclariww and @noshit-cantfindagoodone!! to everyone else having a bday around this time, this is my gift to you hehehe. warnings: language, drugs, alcohol, slow burn, murder mentions, gang activity, mint!yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, tatted!yoongi, his eyebrow is pierced, chains bc of course :)), world-building, reader is still sassy, yoongi is still infuriating, tension explicit warnings: under the cut! drop date: december 9th, 2024, 9:03pm est word count: 12.3k 😀👍
explicit warnings: i know it’s a slow burn but there’s definitely smut lol, choking, head/hair tugging, penetration, oral (f rec), backshotssss, marking bye, rough sex, ass play, breast play, his hands are a nice necklace😀, taunting cus reader’s an icon, thighs, breath play, spanking, hand job, protected sex, multiple orgasms, restraints (his hands, robe tie), brat!reader but who is honestly shocked🙂↔️, brat tamer!yoongi lmao, yoongi is a menace i’m sorryyyy, but reader is…?????, need them both™, teasing, rawdogging HELLO?? (pls wrap it up fr!), commanding yoongi a ha ha, pain kink, cowgirl🙂↕️, this is just the calm before a whole damn storm
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—
“But,” you exhale with a shake. “Just for tonight…”
This is it.
The brink of no return.
Your soul dips into the dark.
“Please make me fucking forget.”
Did you go too far?
Is there a limit to his accommodation? Did you actually think this was gonna be easy?
When silence swirls between your robes, you start to second guess your demand.
But Yoongi simply stares before stepping aside, allowing you to enter his room with jellied legs.
This is madness, but you’re gonna go through with it. Whatever the hell this will be. Because you may not know much, but you figure all men sit up the same when sex is on the table.
This man, though...
Quite frankly, you aren’t sure about anything when it comes to him. Unless it’s about him doing something questionable. Then there’s no question about it.
The enigma himself makes no conversation as you step inside, even as your eyes roam around a cleaner, more put-together room than when you left the first time. Did Yoongi clean this much while you made a mess of your dreams?
The only answer you get is a door shutting, followed by a massive presence at your back. Before you can so much as turn around, the first words on your shoulders burn like embers,
“Was he your first.”
Fuck.
This isn’t what you approached him for. He’s supposed to make you forget, not remember. Remember?
You don’t turn around; you don’t respond right away. Instead, you swallow before focusing very hard on the fact that Yoongi sleeps on the bedside nearest the window. At least, judging by the way the covers are flipped. You happen to prefer the side opposite.
The heat from his body proves soft but intense, and you can’t help but close your eyes when you finally answer with a question,
“Do you remember yours?”
“Yes.”
“Do you ever regret it?”
“No.”
Your vision lowers to the rug lying still under the bed. A splash of light grey amongst a darkened, moonlit sea.
No matter how quick Yoongi answers. No matter how even his tone.
He still remembers it, too.
But this isn’t what you expected when you walked in here. You assumed this man was going to get right to it, save no room for you to second guess yourself. Clearly he gave zero shits about kissing you in that taxi, and he damn near undressed you in the living room.
So what’s the holdup here? Does he want this for real? Or not?
Head at a slight angle, you admit with a hint of finality, “I don’t wanna talk about that.”
“Mm.” A warm, rough hand subtly tugs at your belt, and prominent knuckles nudge through the smooth material of your robe. “So what are you really here for.”
Your eyes blink thrice.
Yoongi cannot be serious. Does he really not know?
No. He knows. With a shift of your jaw, you realize he’s just fucking with you, purposefully not in the way you want. “You’re being difficult.”
“You woke me up.”
Ah. That’s fair.
“So tell me.”
Well. If you’re gonna have to spell things out for him, he’s gonna be waiting for awhile. Because the more you stand here not doing anything, the harder it is to gather a little thing called courage. Courage to meet the beast in his den, and madness to let him devour you whole. Now you have neither. Neither, neither, neither.
Awkwardness sticks to your throat until it’s jammed, and you can barely mush your lips together to form sounds. The courage you speak of flees before you can wrangle it, and what’s left of your answer tumbles out like boulders, “This is.. I don’t.. I can’t.”
“You can.”
“It’s,” you huff, noting that you don’t like this horrible mix of hesitation and anger, “It’s… I’m—”
Your vision jolts as you feel a quick tug shit you’re spinning fuck your back just hit a wall—
“Of all things today,” Yoongi murmurs with slits for eyes, “This is what gets you to shut up?”
Damn it.
You don’t even have a rebuttal. Because he’s right. Yoongi’s sharp discernment is millimeters from your face and you have no intention to move nor speak. Only quick breaths. Only shaky exhales.
But you do swallow.
Which brings out a sound you will never admit you like: a breathy, condescending laugh, as coarse and as soft as his touch.
“You mean to tell me,” he observes, tilting your chin while his irises blaze dark, “You came all the way in here for nothing?”
“No, I—”
“All that talk, and for what.”
Defend yourself. Say something. Say just one word two words any words—
Did Yoongi just pat your cheek? ..Twice?
Why did you kinda like that—
“Makes no sense,” he ponders aloud, lolling his head and staring down your crumpled lips. “Who even are you..”
Now that's an easy one. You always have the answer to that question.
“No one,” you whisper. “Sorry to disappoint you.”
Seems like the people back home aren’t the only ones you’ll let down. If Yoongi keeps that question loaded in the chamber, he’s gonna keep shooting the same target. Over, and over, and over.
But you don’t have to worry. Because he drops it, caging you in with a hand near your stiff, risen shoulder, “So what are you here for.”
This is a mistake. Either Yoongi doesn’t want this, or he’s being frustrating on purpose and your fire is both stoked and quelled. “Now I don’t know for sure.”
“The more you stall the harder it gets,” he goads with a lick of teasing. And for a split, minuscule second, you wonder if that meant more than one thing.
Goddamn, he’s annoying. He’s outright savoring this.
Maybe you shouldn’t be surprised. You woke him up for god’s sake. If someone did this same thing to you after the day you’ve had, you wouldn’t have even let them in.
Unfortunately for you, Yoongi’s version of dealing with a midnight inconvenience is whittling them down until they leave—
“So you can tell my bellhop off but I get nothing, huh.”
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
You’re so taken aback that you can only ask, “What?”
Mercifully, the dragon gives you air, straightening before leaving your personal space.
Your focus should be on his words. You know this. But he uses this moment to rake his hair, and words are no match for the sleeve cascading down his inked forearm.
Even as his hair flows in waves, you still cling to his tattoos as he looks downward in thought. “You think I wouldn’t check who the fuck was coming up here?”
It takes you a second to process.
But you realize what this means and you fall silent again.
Yoongi saw that? All of that? You acted without much thought, and if he really did see and hear everything that went down, there’s a chance he thinks a lot differently about you now. No wonder he’s so thrown by this switch in behavior.
But on the other hand.. The way he touched you in the living room. Was all that because of what he saw? Is that side of you the one that pulled him close?
You thought his parting would allow you room to breathe. How very wrong you were.
Shoving all contemplation aside, you decide to coat the room with concern, your assertion making a brief comeback, “He said a lot of shit, Yoongi. What was that about?”
He languidly approaches the long table at your side—one you faintly noticed while leaving the room the first time. Unbothered, he slides unhurried fingers over a gun, stopping on the barrel before reaching for something less lethal.
A decanter, it seems. Liquid flows from the container into a smaller glass, and you assume it’s whisky from the deep amber tones and luscious pour.
When you wonder where else Yoongi litters his weapons, he cuts through your surveying,
“You really wanna know?”
Looking up, you nod.
He sets the bottle down with a dull clink. “He took his chances.”
“His.. What?”
Now what the hell could this man mean by that? You were clearly being coaxed into leaving the premises, vaguely feeling like something seemed off. How is he being so dismissive about all this?
Slowly, Yoongi shakes his head, looking out into the night while taking his initial sip. “I don’t come here often. But when I do, I come alone.” Long fingers nestle his cup perfectly as he explains further, “It’s been awhile, so. Had to feel out the staff.”
The staff. Is that why Yoongi held your hand? To weasel someone out? You really thought he meant it when he said he just wanted to…
How naive.
“His plan could’ve been solid.”
“But what?” You ask, newfound frustration clipping your tone.
Yoongi slides you a look over the rim of his glass. “He didn’t know who he’d be dealing with.”
Your eyes roll so far they strain.
But this begs a question. Does he mean dealing with you? Or him? Surely he meant your little show at the elevator but he could very well mean himself.
Facts are facts. Would Yoongi really trade il-don for you? Absolutely not. So you have to assume he’s mostly talking about the latter.
Your scoff is pitched to the side, “Of course. You wouldn’t trade il-don for anything.”
Yoongi pauses, not acknowledging your comment in the slightest as he strolls back your way. “Something I am curious about..” As he leans in, musk and whisky invade both your space and senses. And you hate, hate, hate that you need more of it. “Who was he talking to?”
“Someone he royally pissed off.”
“Mm.”
“You’re not gonna punish him?”
“Me? Nah.” Leaning on the sideboard, he stares out the windows across the room. Your vision follows suit. “Not until I have to.”
If what happened wasn’t enough to warrant a punishment, you’re morbidly curious about what ticks the box. “I figured he’d be dead by now. At least for trespassing.”
Yoongi only shrugs. “Grey zones aren’t just amnesty for the clans. Anything goes here, too, so a ransom attempt isn’t surprising.”
This man really doesn’t stand on black or white. Here you are with eggs for brains discovering you were almost taken instead of saved, and he’s chalking it up to, what, just another Tuesday? Or is it still Monday? You don’t even know anymore.
Your question leaves you a little scuffed. Because you feel exactly like leftover goods. The fruit at the back. “Are you always this heartless?”
“So I’ve been told.”
Great.
So much for being… Safe up… here…
You glance at the touch on your hip, and your eyes traverse up his arm as he toys with your belt again.
Shouldn’t you feel disgusted? Shouldn’t you be walking away? It’s crystal clear how little this man thinks of you, or anyone for that matter. He probably brought you along just to be a shield for his precious il-don. So why can’t you bring yourself to leave?
Your knot starts to loosen.
His voice begins to flow.
“But if you’re gonna go for what’s mine, don’t be an idiot.”
Wait.
No. Nope. Stop thinking about what that could mean. Because if you think too hard, it will only leave you disappointed.
But there’s something you won’t stop doing. And Yoongi knows you won’t. So as he keeps playing at your waist, your words come out in shudders,
“Can’t believe you used me.”
Yoongi hums, and it makes you shiver when his touch leaves you to rest against wood counters. “You’re about to use me, too.”
Fucking hell, he’s right.
“Gotta say I didn’t expect it, but..” Damn him and his head tilts. “I’m impressed.”
You’re too empty-headed that you can’t even process his words as genuine praise. His touches already feel like pops of lights in the night sky.
It’s a given. You aren’t prepared for him in the slightest.
“Come here.”
Lightly pulling your hand, Yoongi brings you to stand in front of him. And from this point of view, you become even more ensnared.
His robe flows down his taut build so beautifully, painting him like dark water over rolling hills. At his peak, the hair you’ve come to miss frames his face like artwork. Mesmerizing. Your downfall.
“You get one more chance. Tell me why I’m awake.”
Your brow lift is only a front. The rest of you is shaking, trembling, howling. “You clearly know.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Relentless. Will you shame yourself for wanting to see him use this same strategy on other people? Most likely. But will that stop you from thinking about it anyway? Absolutely, positively not.
But there’s another side of you that’s being comforted. And it’s the side that realizes how much he’s spoken, how much time you’ve spent without needing to watch behind your back.
Yoongi talking this much? It’s making things easier. And it’s strangely making you feel a little better, even if the subject matter isn’t the greatest topic in the universe.
After you steal a glance at the other whisky glass, you look into his eyes. Determined and decisive. Knowing exactly what you want at this very moment, because you just need a little more time.
“Tell me more. About grey zones.”
Something in the air freezes. And Yoongi’s brows crease so comically you almost laugh. “That’s it?”
“Yes.”
His nod is slow as he sets down his glass.
And you’re quickly hauled back so fast that you don’t have time to react.
A rush of air. The world topples. Soft sheets.
Dangerously, a thin chain sways above as Yoongi shrouds your body in silk and lingering smoke. A gasp escapes you as he peers into your eyes, and your senses fire as a commanding hand slides up your thigh.
“Final answer?”
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck you know you want him and you still do but also talking to him isn’t half bad and maybe you’re just tired of being lonely—
Musk. Alcohol. Breathing hard, you take it all in. Slowly nodding because you can’t function otherwise, which makes a dragon flash teeth.
But he obliges without moving a muscle, so you’re left underneath a demon—robe dangerously close to opening and exposing everything once again.
A man of conviction, Yoongi does exactly as you ask. Eyes drooped, he continues his explanations, as if he didn’t just shove you into his enormous bed and tangle you under his legs,
“They started awhile ago, back when all the high-powers got locked in a grudge match. Took half the city with them.”
Immediately, your shoulders start to sink into his tale. “Half is a lot.”
“Everything went to shit,” he agrees. “Not even the Politicol could stop it all.”
“Bullshit.”
His level expression is enough to refute.
Now that’s a shock to learn. For as long as you can remember, the Politicol have always held more power than any force should ever have. If they weren’t able to keep this under control, the high-powers used to be ungodly.
Staring at the slippage on Yoongi’s shoulder, you wonder if those ink lines are to immortalize the ones that came before him. The history he must’ve grown up memorizing.
Still.. Why does he have them all? There’s no way he doesn’t know how disrespectful that is to all three clans.
But then again. He said he didn’t choose them himself. Which leads you nowhere in this unending maze.
Head disheveled; robe coming undone. To outsiders, you’d be at Yoongi’s mercy.
But in reality, you’re laser focused on him and his explanations. Especially when his voice scratches every itch just right. “So…” You watch his gaze slowly slide down your face. “What happened?”
Even now, Yoongi’s hands stay exactly where they are. The only thing that moves is the tinkling swing of his silver above your warming neck. “Deals were made, stripping power from all of them in certain sectors so that none could completely take over.”
“Why only in certain ones?”
A corner of his mouth quirks up. “Let’s just say the negotiations went how you think they did.”
Your eyes roll yet again. But another question pings into your mind as quick as the first one, knitting your brows. “Wait… Deals with the Politicol? Or each other? No way they would’ve let cowards put them all on a leash.”
At this, something interesting passes over Yoongi’s face.
But it flits away before you can snatch it for further inspection, and the shift of his leg against your thighs resets your brain.
“Any of the clans could’ve monopolized if they had the right resource, but. They weren’t ever gonna let outsiders get a piece. Called a truce and kept their mouths shut.”
Makes sense. You know exactly what resource he’s referring to. “The il-don.”
“That’s part of it.” He shifts again, but this time, your legs have more room to move. “But grey zones have priority infrastructure. The ones that keep the lights on. If you had the money, you had the people. And people are the best resource there is.”
It’s at this moment that a lot of things click into place.
And one of those is figuring out that you may have been a little wrong about the man above you.
Is he heartless? To a high degree. But that comes with being calculating. Patient. Smart. Everything that Yoongi has been this entire time you’ve tagged along.
He’s not keeping the il-don safe because he treasures it. It’s because the money is a tool. A tool to help him get what he wants whenever he needs. And leverage it for value instead of frivolous decisions and material things.
Yoongi must have really, really enjoyed your tangerines.
A stray touch finally makes its way inside your thigh. And you flare between your legs. Shivering. Aching. You’re sparkling inside but won’t allow yourself to fully explode. Not when he’s revealing so much without telling. Not when you’re starting to see things from his angle.
“Keep talking,” you rush out, gripping his robe and squeezing his pelvis.
Though his fingers still light flares on your skin, Yoongi stops in his daring quest, observing your face without judgment.
“I like it,” you shakily admit. Because screw it, since you’ll never see him again. “Learning about all this.”
You sigh at his weight. His beautiful, strangely calming weight. “About you, too.”
Stopping all movements, Yoongi coats your skin with gravel. “What good will knowing all this do.”
He’s got a point. And it hammers home exactly what you were just thinking. “Nothing, maybe,” you answer, squeezing his robe a little longer.
Fuck, you really are this deprived. This lonely. Is bedding a dangerous man—this dangerous man—really better than being alone right now? A mental reset is outstandingly in order throughout the coming abysmal months.
You finish your weak explanation, hoping it’s enough to convince him,
“But it’s helping.”
Yoongi lifts his head to watch your eyes. And you observe how dark his are in return. How cold.
But yet.. Why do you also see…?
With a slight huff, you tack on, “And you aren’t so annoying to talk to right now.”
There it is. That spark you’ve seen before in dusty, tinkering streets. “Don’t push your luck.”
“I might.”
He exhales, shifting himself into a sitting position and facing the door. “The thing about grey zones.. No affiliation, no rules. You can be anyone here.”
When you lift your upper body to sit, you watch his side profile as you repeat, “Anyone?”
Yoongi turns to look at your lips.
You know there’s a question you want to ask. But for some reason, it’s difficult to say.
But eventually, you can’t help it. Because you’re intrigued. You’re haunted. And you really, really need this.
“Then who do you want me to be.”
He lets out a cross between a scoff and a laugh. Looking into your eyes, he asks in disbelief, “You?”
“I’m pretty good at pretending.”
“Sure you are.” He gives you another small grin before resting forearms on his knees. “But you don’t want my answer to that.”
Swallowing is proving too difficult. What the hell does he mean by that? Is it one big bluff or a real opinion? “You’re just being a pussy.”
All you get is the side of his cheek rising high.
Yeah. He’s not gonna tell you a damn thing.
“Forget about me then. Who are you right now?” You wait as his expression falls back to earth. “Agust? Or Yoongi?”
When you end with silence, you’re met with an approaching shadowed visage. And even in this moment, you sense static in the air, both of you poised and locked in a dangerous, thrilling dance.
“You tell me.”
Your breath cuts as he slips a finger inside your robe, and you dare not breathe when he pulls—slow, unhurried, intoxicating.
You’ve never felt quite like this.
Are you supposed to do something, too? Is there something that usually happens here? Your experience isn’t zero but it is clearly leagues below where it should be.
Before you can blink a third time, your garment is ever, ever so slightly off your shoulder.
And you haven’t uttered a damn thing.
So he keeps going, sliding it lower, and lower, until he reveals a part of you that you didn’t mean to reveal so suddenly before.
This time, it’s deliberate. And that makes it terrifying.
This is the point of no return. The slope of your chest barely keeps your robe from dipping any farther. It’s happening, and life between you will never be the same when it’s over.
And yet.
Your nerves speak up at the worst time.
“Get me a drink,” you whisper, “Then maybe I will.”
Yoongi flicks up an eyebrow before obliging, and you silently mourn the loss of his heated touch.
He walks over to pour you something neat, taking his time bringing both glasses to the bed. When you sit up properly, you habitually adjust your robe, scoffing at his hum.
“Thanks,” you whisper, taking the glass and smelling the piercing aroma. “Maybe this is what I needed all along.”
“You ever had sex before?”
The question is so sudden and blunt that you cough up a burning sip. “Ow, fuck..” Wincing, you wipe your mouth before breathing in scratchy inhales. “If you must know, I have.”
“Maybe you are good at pretending then,” Yoongi drawls. “Could’ve fooled me.”
“Don’t get me wrong. This situation is new to me.”
His brow raises are definitely talking a lot for him.
“I’ve just never.. I dunno. Never had just one night.” Taking a more cautious sip, you continue. “Much less with someone like you.”
“Like me?”
“With a.. You know.” You fiddle with your glass. “A customer.”
When you hear his reaction, you stare at his raised cheek, stomach fluttering when he sighs downward,
“You can’t just say shit like that.”
“I can say whatever I want,” you counter. “Especially since I…”
You don’t wanna finish that. It helps that Yoongi doesn’t look your way still, taking a sip of his whisky instead. His locks swing forward as he leans, and you almost reach out to feel them. Maybe you’ll get to very soon. When you finally get over this final hurdle of outright shyness.
Why are you so timid right now? Why can’t you just tell him what you very obviously came in here for and get on with it? You’ve been decisive as fuck the rest of today, so what’s got your tongue pressed this time? Is it really your abysmal level of experience?
Or is it because you’re gravitating to more sides of him with each passing second?
“Since you what.”
“Since I don’t like you,” you snip.
Yoongi flashes teeth in amusement. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“Oh, shut up.” You take another drink, feeling the burn down your throat. “I don’t have to if it’s true.”
Both of you keep drinking in silence after that. Which makes things a weird mix of calm and awkward, considering what your original mission was.
Going over the events of today, it’s a wonder why you aren’t crashing into a dreamless sleep. You’ve been up and having the most exhausting day ever, and yet, you can’t imagine shutting your eyes.
Think of something else to talk about. Anything. Any topic you could possibly hold a conversation with Yoongi over.
What did he respond to before? No small talk, since the plantains thing from months ago was a bust. And when you conversed over ramyeon it was more of him angering you on purpose—wait a minute.
There was something you never circled back to.
And as soon as you ask him about it, he appears impressed you remembered,
“Were you bluffing when you said you knew what I was shopping for?”
“No,” he responds immediately. “And I know I’m right.”
“Prove it.”
Mouth curved at an annoying angle, Yoongi shoots you a look before placing his drink down, getting up to walk to a tall armoire.
Your eyes follow his every movement, even the way his ass moves under that damned robe. But soon, your jaw goes slack not because of his assets.
But because the motherfucker was right on the money.
How the… How the fuck did Yoongi know?
In front of your face lies exactly what you were searching for. Sleek. Minimal. Lightweight and visibly balanced. You don’t even want to keep shopping around because this is the only one you want.
How did he know you were shopping for daggers based on one single line of questioning?
“I wasn’t gonna show you until you asked,” he divulges. “Honestly, I was hoping you’d forget. This one was hard as fuck to track down.”
Eyes flicking up to his, you ask in wonder, “Can I…?”
He lifts it slightly, signaling that you can indeed hold it yourself.
And it’s perfect.
“Wow,” you breathe out, feeling along its edges and hilt. It’s all one continuous line, with metal so black and matted that you almost moan. “I don’t have much on me, but.. I’ll give you whatever you want for this.”
“Keep it.”
What?
“It’s yours.”
There’s no way he’s just gonna gift this to you. It’s perfectly crafted in material you can’t even find in Crane. And they have almost every class of ore in existence.
Who even is this man?
“Yoongi, this is…” You shake your head while extending it back. “I can’t just take this.”
“You can.” He fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist. “I did.”
Oh. Charming. The weapon you’re being gifted is stolen goods. “Well, in that case, I really can’t accept it.”
But goddamn, this is more than perfect. You can’t even pluck one finger off the handle. And you can’t change the fact that it was already taken, right? Right?
“At least…” Scowling at your own crumbling morals, you mumble, “Not without good reason.”
He looks at you over his shoulder. “Do I need a reason?”
“No,” you reply. “But I’d like one.”
Yoongi sighs long before moving his fingers. “I lied to you back there in the lobby.” Looking up at a clock instead of you, he works his jaw. “But this time, it really is just that.”
“You expect me to believe you?”
Fuck, the veins in his hands are so prominent when he laces them together. “No. But it’s better than those chopsticks you’re saving in the bathroom.”
Oh. So he saw those, too.
“Thank you,” is what you wave in white. Because that’s exactly how you feel and this one gesture does excuse some of his faults. Maybe. Or your standards have plummeted to the gutters. “I, umm. I usually keep one for self-defence. Just in case.”
Turning it over and back again, you marvel at its light but solid weight. “But I lost mine in the last rough raid before they suddenly stopped.”
“Don’t sweat it.”
“K.” Placing it on the closest nightstand, you go back to holding your glass between your hands. “One day I’ll pay you back somehow.”
Yoongi shoots that down on sight. “No need.”
“But I want to.”
He glares before picking up his alcohol. “Anyone that owes me shit gets treated a lot different.” The drink rests in his hand like a liquid gem. “So just accept it as a gift, doll.”
You’d laugh if you knew he was kidding. But you know he’s dead serious, so you only nod.
It’s quiet again as you both retreat into your minds.
Yoongi has the mental fortitude of a fortress it seems. Because he really is set on waiting until you tell him what you woke him up for, and it’s been awhile since this all started.
But being in his presence while the night is quiet is somewhat comforting. You’re finding it easy to think about other things now, especially after he gave you so much to mull over.
Like grey zones and how they came to be. It’s fascinating how you had no clue even though you should. Even though this whole conflict affected half the city.
Wanting to gain more insight, you blurt your curiosity, “How long ago were the grey zones fought over? Before everything was decided?”
“Years. Decades, at this point,” Yoongi answers, his gaze locked as you think about this timeline. “Most people don’t even bother knowing, though.”
“Why? This sounds like a big part of our history.”
“No one cares if a Crane kills a Dragon.” His tone shifts slightly. And you wouldn’t have caught it if not for his subtle sulk. “They only resent the blood they have to wipe from the street.”
Your lids lower all the same. Because that resonates deep within your chest, so much so that you feel your heart bend in its aching. “No one cares about us, either.”
When Yoongi catches your look, you give a sad excuse of a smile. “Being a vendor? Especially where I am? You quickly figure out how little you matter. You as a person, I mean.”
You slide fingers along the tiny rim of your glass, lost in the fibers of his rug more than anything else.
Maybe you’re just a loose fiber in the rug of this city. One that will pretend to run only to be swept back into the folds. “The only things that people remember are what you offer. Anything other than that isn’t worth their time.”
Lifting your chin, you save face. “Can’t say I won’t miss you.” May as well admit it all if you aren’t ever gonna see him again. “You were the only one that ever let me bother them.”
“You never bothered me.”
You look up to see him staring. Lip curled upward, you huff. “With all the looks you gave me? I find that hard to believe.”
Yoongi doesn’t laugh in return. “What would I gain from lying?”
Mm. That’s an interesting question. But the alcohol starts to talk for you as you have the balls to flirt. “People lie to get laid, for one.”
“Mm.” He takes a measured sip of his glass, the last dredges of it swaying at the bottom. “Can’t say I’ve ever needed to.”
“Shocker,” you drawl, sipping to match his pace. And it’s after this drink that you loosely admit, “This is really good, by the way.”
“Yeah?”
“Mmhmm.” Lifting the glass to peer inside, you swirl it around before divulging a past you don’t talk about—ever. But what are rules of conversation when you want to stall? “My uncle got me into whisky a long time ago. But fruit stands don’t pay for top shelf alcohol.”
“Where’s he at now?”
“Uhh.” You look away. “Gone.”
“Sorry to hear that.”
He gets up, and you watch in silence as he makes his way to the sideboard. Stuff shifts around before he appears to pour another glass. And he stays there for a bit, black robe blending into all the dark decor.
“Yoongi?”
He turns.
“Can you keep talking?” You keep your drink steady between your robed legs. Buzzed and vulnerable, you offer an explanation, “Turns out there’s a lot I wanna forget right now.”
Like endings. And future endless days without your most frustrating, most dangerous, most favorite customer.
Yoongi pauses before walking back to the bed. When his thighs settle next to yours, he asks without much heart, “What do you wanna know.”
“You.”
His jaw shifts, and you feel a slight tug in your chest.
Was that too forward? Probably. But you’ll take what you can get, like a last meal chosen to hit every one of your desires. “Anything you wanna tell me, of course.”
Yoongi remains quiet. Which isn’t unexpected but still a little letdown.
“Not much to tell.”
Ah. Just more lies then. Maybe you should stick to the original plan. “Nothing at all?”
He looks at you, planting a hand on the bed to lean a little closer. “Nothing you’d wanna hear.”
You shift between his eyes. Wondering if it’s better not knowing or if you really do wanna give in.
Perhaps his eyes will speak for him instead. Glowing dark. Hints of ember and smoke. Years and years squeezed into those irises.
“What if I do,” you quietly question, catching the light on his alcohol-tainted lips.
Reaching out, you boldly place a thumb over one side, slowly brushing off excess liquid and marveling at how soft he is there. Tender, just like his name. “What if I don’t care.”
Yoongi waits for a moment before holding your wrist, the atmosphere trembling and buzzing around your shoulders. Oxygen depletes as he leans in close, his beautiful features almost touching yours.
You feel something locking into place. Something beautiful and terrifying. And it holds you down as you feel his hair, his warmth, his—
A noise blares into the room before you can feel yourself rushing upward, your body reacting on survival instinct alone. Glasses spill onto the rug and you don’t know what’s happening but lack of sleep lack of comfort lack of everything has you ready for—
Time stops.
Sounds muffle.
And your eyes flash wide as you see the tip of your blade pointed straight at Yoongi’s side.
Just as he’s poised with a gun pointed towards the door.
It’s a phone ringing.
A fucking. Telephone.
What have you done?
As Yoongi slowly shifts his gaze to your outstretched hand, you tremble in severe regret. Regret that you pulled this on him with the very weapon he gave you. Regret that he knows all there is to know about how you still feel about him.
But you didn’t mean to… You didn’t even think. And you abhor how you directed your fear at the one person that kept you alive. The one person you fucking saved.
When Yoongi lowers his gun, he doesn’t acknowledge the guilt on your face. But as he walks away to grab his device, his gaze flicks back to you before he answers across the room.
Shit.
You fucked up you fucked up you fucked up.
You weren’t lying when you said you wouldn’t care. You really weren’t. But who knows what Yoongi will think of you after that shock of a face off.
Coming into his room was most definitely a mistake. Now you can’t wrangle your emotions for shit, head pounding with feelings and outcomes and adrenaline to the brim.
Yoongi’s close to the wide bathroom stairs, so you can’t hear what’s being said. He does keep looking at you, though, which keeps your fingers pressed against a hilt.
Are you in danger? Will Yoongi not want anything to do with you anymore? Is it alarming that you can’t decide which one is worse?
The call doesn’t last long.
And as soon as he hangs up, you’re sputtering like a broken fountain, dagger still wielded as he stalks forward—phone clunking to the ground. “Who was that.”
“No one.”
“What’s gonna happen to me.”
“Nothing.”
Fuck. You really did fuck everything up. Your brain is so battered that you’re gonna be skittish and paranoid for a long, long time. “Yoongi, I’m so—I didn’t mean to—It just happened—”
Forget it. It’s over. Your last interaction will haunt you forever and the only way you’ll experience what could’ve happened between you will be in your wildest darkest sweetest illest—
Burns flare at your eyes when Yoongi’s chest meets the quivering tip of your blade.
“Stop,” you wince out, a damning tear pinging to your feet. “Just stop.”
He starts to walk forward, which alarms you enough to step back because what the fuck is he doing! Why can’t your arms move? Why can’t you lower the fucking dagger?
“I can’t,” you croak. “I can’t move.”
You’ve been firing on all fronts the whole day. Even in your dreams, you’re in survival mode. You can’t unlock your arms because they fight for the rest of you. Your legs propel you when the rest of you wants to give up.
But that still doesn’t stop your heart from aching. It burns, it burns, it burns.
When Yoongi grips your wrist, you choke on a sob. When he calls you smart, you squeeze your eyes shut in shame. And when he whispers to drop the fucking blade or he’ll do it for you, you do so after a maddening pause.
It clunks to the ground when a gun does, and you’re suddenly spun until the backs of your knees hit something solid.
Immediately, you’re thrust back onto dark sheets again, tears now rolling into your ears as you instinctively let Yoongi smother you whole.
His hand slides to your inner thigh, and your mind reels when you start feeling a hardness on your stomach. Breath whooshes out of your mouth before you're covered in silk and muscle, and pleasure bursts from where he quickly devours your neck fuck.
Hands are quick to untie your robe as fire stokes your throat.
“I won’t ask again,” he vows with a voice that rumbles. “Tell me what you fuckin’ want.”
“Yoongi—”
“Say it and it’s yours.”
“Make me forget,” you shove through your teeth. “Just make me fucking forget.”
“How.”
Fuck lack of experience. Fuck being shy. You aren’t wasting another damn second and your emotions need all the release they can get. Loose lips, loose tongue, looser inhibitions.
The monster inside of you yanks at its chain, claws and claws at its confines screaming at you to give in. You need this. You want this, especially if Yoongi himself is gonna give it so willingly.
Just say it. Just say it.
“If this really is the last time I’ll see you…”
Yoongi stills as your eyes lock unblinking.
Tell him. Four words.
“Fuck me like it.”
A proverbial chain snaps as Yoongi dives into your neck, ravishing you and sucking hard on your vein. When you yelp, your clenched legs seem to encourage, and he thrusts forward to launch you up the bed with a purpose. With intention.
All to let you know what you just got yourself into.
His fingers light little fires along your skin, burning everything in their paths up your arms, your sides, squeezing into your imperfections and latching down. His lips set your being ablaze as he keeps feasting, causing your breaths to get shorter, and shorter, and shorter.
“So sensitive..”
When you feel the warm swipe of a tongue, your eyes scrunch shut as you shudder. Which makes the whole thing worse for you when Yoongi chuckles dark in return.
“I don’t think you’re ready for this.”
“Shut up,” you huff out, grasping for his robe and raking at his sleeves. “Of course I am—Fuck.”
His thumb rolls across your exposed nipple, pinching it to make you arch right up into his chest. “You sure?”
When the hell did he even open your robe? How did he do that so quick without you knowing?
You bite down on your lip to keep from screaming, nodding in determination while your brows almost kiss.
Watching your expression, Yoongi pinches again, biting his own lip while slowly spreading that shit grin. Your moan comes out more like a muted hum, which seems to displease.
“Uh uh,” he orders. “You’re gonna be loud for me.”
“But what if someone—”
“They won’t.”
He continues in his control, sliding a hand under your thigh to hitch it up before shoving it to the side.
And you know where he’s going. But it still shocks you all the same when his fingers make contact with your slick.
Your very, very wet slick.
Many, many things will haunt you for life. Your experiences. Your choices.
But right now? The only thing that will follow you to your grave is this distinct, biting, staccato batch of laughter. “You shouldn’t’ve ever come in here.”
Breath ragged, you watch as Yoongi concentrates, exploring your cunt with his long digits and hitting every nerve with perfection. When you rub against him, he growls, lifting shiny fingers to insert right into his mouth.
Sucking.
Licking.
And your eyes mirror his at once—as black and pulsing as fallen stars.
He swoops down at the same moment you tug on his clothing, his mouth latching onto the side of your neck he hasn’t ravaged. Impatient, his hand yanks the bottom of your robe to the side, fully exposing your legs and leaking folds while you grapple with your own obstacles.
It’s messy. It’s jilted. It’s exactly what you want.
As soon as you find the slit in his robe, you take a brave leap and reach for his cock, not knowing what you’re gonna find but having a vague idea based on his—
Oh. What.
Fuck, he’s gonna split you in two.
You’ve held one before. You know what they feel like. But this cannot be possible and you’re already mentally preparing yourself for your breaking point.
“You good?”
You snap your head right up, realizing how stunned you must be if he’s asking. “I… You’re fucking huge.”
Yoongi doesn’t react, but that somehow makes it more attractive. Like he knows. And he doesn’t deny a thing. “That a problem?”
“I mean… I think I’ve lived a good enough life.”
To your surprise, the man above breaks completely as you keep blabbering, shoulders shaking alongside those stupid dimples. Those beautiful, elusive dimples. Too bad this is the last time you’ll ever see them. “Did what I wanted.. Not everything, but most of my list.”
Yoongi’s still chuckling. And for a brief moment, you’re brought back to the days he was just a patron. Back to when you would think about him before bed, delighted to see him stop by.
This is him. This is Yoongi with you now.
Where was he this whole time? Was he really waiting until you answered him for real?
You went so far into your head that you missed the change in position. So it makes you jump like hell when you realize where his teal mop of hair resides. “Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?”
Between your thighs, Yoongi lifts a brow, locking your legs with tough arms before you can even move.
“Yoongi, you don’t have to—oh, fuck!”
The first contact of his tongue on your folds makes your eyes burst, your legs effectively being pinned down in their tensing. Jolts of lust spiral from your core as he licks, sucks, twirls around your clit like it’s second nature, and you feel yourself welcoming his every thrust.
This is happening. This is happening? You’ve never done this before, not that you’ll admit it. Whatever Yoongi’s doing is completely new territory for you and you don’t ever think you’ll leave. Permanent residence. No other land to discover.
Whines echoes throughout the room before you slap a hand over your mouth. Because the whole world will hear his name if you don’t. Especially when he adds fingers and curls them just right what the fuck!
He makes you forget. And forget. And forget. You even forget your own name. Only his. Saying it into your palm over and over and clawing his sheets with the other.
A low growl rumbles between your legs before you hear him purr, “Just like I fucking thought.”
What’d he say? He didn’t say that. You’re hearing things, you’re sure of it. There’s absolutely no way Yoongi’s imagined anything about you, much less what you taste like.
And the words keep coming as he whispers how tight you feel. How hot. How perfect you’re gonna fit him.
While all you can utter in return is gibberish mixed with the syllables of his name.
Pleasure rolls in waves as he learns every inch of your cunt, fingers drenched in your slick and the curves of his cheeks lathered in your scent. When he reaches beneath you to grope your ass, he gives a rough squeeze.
“Move your fucking hand.”
Your eyes fling wide.
“I wanna hear you.”
“No, I’m—there could be people—”
He clambers over you, robe wide open and revealing a body that rips your soul clean out. When he seizes your palm to shove it to the side, another monster starts to wake within your chest.
And this one takes treacherous pleasure in those slitted eyes.
“You’re gonna scream for me.”
“Or else what.”
The dark rumble. The rolling thunder.
Your other monster is starting to match his glint. “You don’t wanna do that with me, doll.”
“Do what?” you ask with flitting eyes.
When all you get is a sharp smirk in return, your stomach flips in desire and excitement. So when he slaps the side of your breast, you hum high with a delighted flinch.
“Don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”
Yes. This is what you came in here for. Your shyness will have to be comfortable with the unknown, but it’s also helping seeing Yoongi much more relaxed.
Like a normal person.
Especially when he leans over to open his bedside drawer, hair swaying as he grabs for what you think are condoms.
Your hunch is right when he rights himself again, teeth nicking a wrapper before tearing it in one sweep. When you start to clench your legs together in response, he shoves them back open with a thigh, robe parting to show exactly what’s going to splice you in half.
You’ll gladly take his amusement at your jaw unhinging. Because what you see is heaven sent.
Yoongi says nothing as he wraps himself fully, and he continues to be silent as you whisper,
“I wanna see you.”
It doesn’t take long for him to understand. As his length presses against your core, he slips off his dark robe, letting it slide down equally dark sheets before pouring onto the floor.
You’re just as quiet as he situates himself above your beating heart. Which is for the best. Your thoughts are better left unsaid.
All you can do is grip his arm, sliding your hand up until you can finally, finally brush his hair with your own fingers. Exhaling when you discover how soft it feels. How comfort can be found in something as trivial as tendrils.
“This is helping, too,” you murmur to his lips, inhaling what you realize is your own scent.
When he cradles your chin, your breath cuts. “Things happen when you say what you want.”
“If only it was always that easy.”
“It is with me.”
Your heart skips twice before tripping on itself, and you instinctively curl your palm against his head. “Everyone around you must be so lucky.”
An eyebrow lifts before he huffs. “Not talking about just anyone, love.”
…Huh?
What does he mean by that because shit you’re getting tugged forward he’s so strong—
“Now, if you’re gonna be difficult,” Yoongi warns. “Let’s give you enough time to reconsider.”
Your thighs widen as he positions himself at your entrance, cockhead rubbing along your folds as you tense.
“Uh uh.” He hums. “This is what you want, yeah?”
“It’s been awhile,” you spat, rolling your eyes when he shoots you a knowing look. “Just… give me a second.”
Obliging, Yoongi starts slow, making your head roll into the pillow as you accommodate his girth. Holy fuck, he’s big. But he’s sliding in easy after his little feast down there, which you piece together as one big prep for the main course.
“Fuck,” he groans, resisting every urge to plow straight into you. At least, from what you can decipher in his pinched features. If this feels amazing for you, you can’t even imagine what he must be feeling now. It only gives you butterflies knowing he’s following through with his word. “So fucking tight.”
“Not my fault you take up… so much space,” you grit through your teeth, neck straining as you blow air to the ceiling.
Fully sheathed, Yoongi rests inside until your muscles relax. And you only peel your eyes open when you start to slip into more pleasure than anything else.
Okay. You can do this. You can fit him surprisingly well—maybe too well—and you’re okay to keep going without restraint.
When you peer down your body, you expect him to look bored or indifferent. Like he’s wasting time dealing with you.
So it makes you shiver when Yoongi looks ready to ruin.
Toned arms flex at his sides, hands keeping your thighs held in their place. When a strand of vibrant hair falls, his chains spark in the moonlight streaming in from the windows. A dragon that waits. And waits.
You’re ready. Your demise will be your reward.
“I’m good,” you assure him. “You can move now—”
A second invisible chain snaps with a clink, and Yoongi launches into a thrust that has you seeing stars. You tumble through the dark as he thrusts again, mouth open with silent yells before you gnaw right into your lip.
“Relax for me,” he commands. “Just like that.”
Your cunt hugs him tight as you bounce even harder, his little grunts of praise making you mewl and whimper in bursts.
Fucking hell, this feels good.
You cannot wait to find out how it’ll feel when you piss him off.
His hands grip your hips, hosting you up onto his thighs as he thrusts hard into your cunt. Your body rocks in an arch, limp and at his mercy—which there is very little of. Enchanted, your lip tightens with the pull of your teeth, eyes squeezing shut as he feels so fucking good and hitting. Just. Right.
It all carries you so far gone that as soon as you feel a rush of air, the sting on your ass makes you react—piercing moan making both of you freeze.
And Yoongi’s eyes deepen a shade as he slowly grins. “There you go.”
“Don’t act like you—fuck!” His second swat has you grunting through your teeth, and his thrust forward at the same time he does it again has you whining. Monosyllabic, his name shoves out of your lungs, with each part more chipped than the next.
“What’s that, love?”
“Yoongi, please—”
“That’s right.” He clutches your sides so damn rough. “Say my fuckin’ name.”
And his pace pitches you into the sun, rocking so hard you won’t be surprised if the bed frame snaps in half. In thirds. In sevenths. Your legs go completely limp as he drives in, filling you and hitting a spot that pierces your eyes with stars and light and lust. Down down down you spiral, up up up you go. It’s only you and him now, with Yoongi plowing into you like his life ends come morning.
There’s nothing in the world that feels like this. Burdened by the dangerous weight of a man—this man—while feeling so light you could float? Absolutely nothing can compare.
Your body finally rests as he stops, but you get no breather as he flips you over with strong arms. Disoriented, you squeak as he tugs you backward, your ass rising in the air as your head is shoved into luxury cotton.
Sweet pain sears your ass again, and you gasp with wide eyes as you feel his cock at your entrance. “What are you—”
“Lift up. Higher.” He slides his dick up your folds. “You’re gonna like this.”
“You don’t speak for me—”
He thrusts into you as soon as you get accustomed to his length and size. And the place his thumb presses makes you scream into your pillow. His pillow. A hotel suite pillow that you’re biting to stay afloat.
How the fuck does that feel so good? How does all of this feel so good? His thumb on your asshole already has you melting, but the smacking of his sack against your clit makes you want to repent.
“So fucking—fuck.”
Drool strings from your mouth as your arms are tugged at the elbows, your whole upper body coming up for air. Precious precious air that’s cut off when Yoongi chokes you from behind.
“Yoo—!”
His strength slams your chest into the headboard, right at the edge of the bed before you feel the force of his palm hit the wall.
“What did I fucking say.”
“A lot.”
“I’m gonna hear you.”
“But—”
He shoves you flush against dark wood, your cheek smushing hard and your lips curling. “Let them hear you, too.”
You keep your moans muted until fingers are shoved down your throat. And you gargle until he yanks them out.
“That’s it. I know you can take it.”
“You’re easier…” Gritting your teeth in a smug grin, you taunt in a bold-faced lie, “Easier to take than I thought.”
His laughter is not lighthearted. “You’re still gonna go there, huh.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” you pout, eyes drooping from the euphoric shocks his thrusts provide. Sweat rolls down your arms as you slip on the wall, but it gives your chest a cool surface to rest. “Go where?”
Suddenly, the grinding stops. And your cunt feels abandoned as he pulls out so fast. When you think to spin around, he spanks your ass with a harsh, “Don’t move.”
Do you want to disobey? Yes. But you’re more curious than anything, so do as he says.
And your eyes light up when you realize what he comes back with.
“Now… I could use this,,” he warns, pressing a silky smooth robe tie along your neck. “Since you don’t wanna behave.”
“Do it,” you taunt, wishing like hell that he does. Yes, yes, yes. You’re drunk on lust and volcanic want and you will fight for nothing more. “You won’t.”
Your neck is rocked back before you feel him slap your ass. “Then stay still.”
And you obey as you feel your belt—or his, either one—wrap loosely around your column before it’s tied.
Gently, your chin is turned, and you’re surprised when you’re met with stern eyes. “Can you breathe.”
Blinking, you nod. “Yeah, I can.”
“Two taps if you’re out, understand?”
“Yes.”
A swift pat to your cheek. “What’d I say.”
“Two taps,” you repeat, figuring out fast that you’re liking this development a little too much. “If I’m out.”
Holy fuck the yank you feel is exhilarating, your body bending back as shock overcomes your senses.
Lidded eyes staring down at yours, he vows, “You better make them count or we never do this again.”
“I will, I will,” you rasp out, breath still coming to you fine albeit a little more harshly. “I promise.”
“Good girl.”
Wait, did he say again?
As he slips right back inside, you lose all passing trains of thought. Cunt filled while his fingers clog your mouth makes you traverse to another plane. Every part of you, at his mercy—
Then he yanks you backward and all that mercy burns in the flames of heaven. Flocks to the clouds of hell.
The belt is completely taut as you succumb to his thrusts. Hard. Fast. Rough thrusts make you cry out as he toys with you, gravelly hums tumbling down your back as you arch for him. All the sounds you make echo throughout the room, a symphony of mewls and moans as Yoongi controls your every move.
“Take it.”
“Hmm?”
“You want it,” he repeats. “So take it.”
Oh. Oh, he wants you to—Oh.
You start moving back and forth, doing exactly as he says. Taking what’s yours for the night and shamefully not forever.
But it turns out it’s not enough because he tugs.
“Like you fucking mean it.”
Fuck.
Groaning, you move with more intention, sliding up and down his cock and feeling full every time. It feels good having control, you muse, and imagining him watching your debauchery turns you on that much more.
Your thrusts turn to rough slams, friction running fast while you chase it with all your strength. The groans you hear sound primal, hissed taunts egging you on.
“Guess you can listen after all.”
“Fuck you.”
Another hard yank.
Your laugh only spurns him on.
Slaps to your ass, grabs to your breasts. Yoongi is worshipping every inch of you and you won’t even notice this until nights later when you’re alone. You’ll remember the way he squeezes just right, the way he fits so well, the places he hits with no hesitation nor guesswork. It’s pure experience strangling you with passion and you don’t even know how to embrace it all.
But then you start to feel it. Your breath tapering. It’s getting harder and harder to suck in air and you’re starting to see stars across your eyes.
When you reach an alarming point, you quickly slap his leg twice, oxygen gushing into your lungs right as he lets go.
You almost come on that exhilaration alone. Adrenaline pumps pumps pumps into your veins, eyes blowing black as he spins you around.
Hot, open mouth kisses pepper your burning throat, and you have the nerve to catapult him all the way back onto the bed.
Yoongi lets you top him with a laugh, and you immediately use this opportunity to pin him down with a chokehold. Wanting him to feel the same way you just did. Knowing deep in your soul that he wants it, too.
“Cute.”
“You asshole.”
Holy fuck, you can’t even recognize your own voice. It’s hoarse. It’s rugged.
It’s salacious.
He cocks a brow while peering down his nose. “You done?”
“What?” You blink. Slowly releasing his neck, you admit with a rasp, “No, that’s not what I.. I’m not done with you.”
Yoongi slides into a smirk, and you attempt to scoff with a burning throat.
You wanna tell him how good he is. How stupidly attentive he is. But all you settle for is something neutral. Safe. And maybe a little forward.
“Just felt like calling you that.”
Yoongi’s smile mellows into a line, and if you weren’t in such an evocative position, you would have thought it was genuine contemplation. But he slides hands up your thighs before slapping the side of your ass. “Get on.”
Fuck. You don’t really know how. At least, you don’t know how to do it without showing him you aren’t used to it.
So the confidence will keep getting faked. With a little help of your quick wit and tongue as you grab his length. “Didn’t hear a please.”
Yoongi huffs out amusement. “I don’t say that.”
His tip goes in fine. Fuck. Okay. You can do this you can do this. “Why am I not surprised—!”
He shoves you down as soon as you give him enough leeway, and you groan out as you catch yourself with hands on his chest.
“This is where you’re gonna live,” he says with confidence, laughing in condescension when you scowl. “Fuckin’ love it.”
He can’t say stuff like that.
You ride until you find a rhythm, rolling your body and finding the friction you want. It’s there for the taking. And he’s encouraging you with gravelly words and hums, with hands up your stomach and grasping your chest.
After a single swirl of your hips, he throws his bed back until his neck strains. “Fuck.”
So you take that cue, rotating between rides and swirls. When he tweaks and rolls thumbs around your nipples, you clench hard around him, and he does it until you moan to the ceiling.
A slap to your breast makes you whine, and you keep going before leaning forward, placing hands against his shoulders and bouncing your hips on his cock.
“—a fucking natural,” Yoongi praises, chuckling to himself as he toys with the silk streaming down your neck.
“Maybe I’ve just practiced.”
“Show me more then.”
Quickly, he tugs you down flush against him before grabbing your ass, slamming you down and pistoning up until you scream.
You start biting his shoulder to quell your shouts, which makes him moan loud enough to make you possessive. Wildly possessive. Before long, you feel yourself going limp on him, only for him, solely for his pleasure and yours.
“Just like that. There you go.”
You mewl into his skin as he grabs you, holding you down as he slams into you again and again and again. Drunk with power, you begin to mark his throat, devouring and feasting with reckless abandon.
Growling ragged, Yoongi flips your position and pins you face down, shoving up hard into your cunt before plowing. You fully lean into the yells now, saying his name and inching over the goddamn edge of the bed.
It’s there. Your release. It’s potent and it’s visceral and it’s everything you need need need—
“Yoongi, I’m close—”
He penetrates so far that you can taste him, and you come so harshly that you convulse. Squeezing like hell and quivering in a full body fold.
Holy shit, the screams. Is that you?
The sinister laughs of pride prove you right. “That’s my girl. Fucking scream.”
You can’t stop. All you know is extreme pleasure coursing through your veins, pulsing beautiful colors and making you arch like mad.
But you have more to handle. Yoongi prolongs your euphoria by yanking you back only to sink into you again, hands rubbing both nipples and tongue speaking deadly sins in your ear.
“You aren’t done,” he growls. “Lemme hear you again.”
“I can’t—”
“Liar.”
His name rips from your mouth as you surprise yourself, gushing around his length and squeezing in powerful pulses. Nothing exists. Nothing at all. Everything you know is a feeling, as vibrant and shimmering as the sun above your street back home.
All the heat you’ve ever felt coalesces along your skin, and the words whispered in your ear slide right down with your sweat. You aren’t quite sure what you hear. But judging by your preening, it has to be praise. Dirty, dirty, sinful praise.
When your limp weight is flipped, you allow your legs to be hoisted up with no resistance. Looking upward, you peel open lids to the equivalent of a king. A god. And your outright awe blocks your ears from catching what your dragon swears.
“—perfect,” he grits, inserting himself into your squelching folds. “Again.”
No fucking way you have more left in you. You’re already floating in the ether, buzzing in pleasure and sweat and ecstasy. If you come one more time you’ll be an empty shell.
“Earn it,” you boldly rasp out, grappling a bit of your spirit and reining it back one last time. “Take it, you bi—”
Your heart leaps up your throat as you’re pitched upward, groan serrated and high as you grin in triumph because it feels so fucking rewarding when he gives gives gives.
Letting everything go relaxes your folds, causing Yoongi to rock into you with pride and without resistance. His chain smacks against his pecs at the same pace as your bouncing chest, and you’re more than sure you’re gonna feel bruises on your legs where he sinks his claws.
Skin slapping skin. Mewls and gritted curses. Heady scent covers them all in a thick layer and you feel the light grow closer and closer, stronger this time than all the others before it. Why? Why do you know this one will pitch you over the edge for good?
Both of you may feel the same.
Because Yoongi suddenly shoves himself so far into you and presses his body flush against your shuddering shaking screaming form.
You pulse frantically around him, throat sore and ragged from your final cry as tears stream down your face. It feels so fucking gorgeous that it hurts, and you enter a plane so mystical it’s completely separate from your earthly vessel. The two of you become closer than one, and you feel Yoongi stutter in his groan before yanking out and ripping the condom off.
Hot spurts paint your skin—a sweaty, spent canvas that dips slow with your labored breaths. His own breathing is rough but not exhausted, and you chalk that up to the mountain of stamina and experience he has on you.
It’s done.
Thoroughly spent.
All the pent up emotions dissipate in a slow descent. The chaos of today finally lowers its head, your monsters making their ways back into their cages. Moonlight shines brighter. Fuller.
Illuminating a man in silver as he slowly heads into the bathroom.
Holy fuck. You just slept with a gangster. With a Dragon.
With Yoongi.
There’s no way you can forget this. No way you can see yourself moving past this moment, even years and lifetimes from now. It doesn’t matter if Yoongi never thinks about you again, because something transpired in this room that you’ll keep locked away in your soul forever.
As he brings back a towel to wipe his essence from your skin, you wonder.
Was it all worth it?
Or will this torture you in every dream you’ll ever have?
A palm digs into the mattress before you feel weight and jewelry. The silk around your throat is carefully undone, and lazy, heated lips descend on your neck once more.
Bliss.
Sighing, you utter his name much softer now, telling him please without knowing what for.
“What do you want,” he whispers.
“I don’t know,” you admit in a wisp.
Yoongi keeps worshipping your throat, and you mewl when he reaches to rub your breast in a slow squeeze. When you drag your hand down to grip his cock, he tenses with a gritty hum.
“Careful, love,” he rumbles. “There’s a lot more I can do with you.”
“Tell me.” Your breath starts shorting in anticipation. “Tell me everything.”
“Nah.” When he slides forward, the bare tip of him meets your cunt, causing you to flinch with a bitten lip. “You’re just gonna have to wonder. Day, after day, after day.”
Fuck this guy with the spite of a thousand lives. You’re the one holding his cock, so how the fuck is he still being this sure of himself?
“Put it in,” you blurt, earning his gaze of utter confusion.
“What?”
“Just for a second.” You stroke him, feeling slick velvet and wetness coating your fingers. “That’s the last thing I want.”
His eyes search yours, and for the first time tonight, he’s the one that looks hesitant. “You sure…?”
“We’ll never do this again,” you whisper. “And I know you want it, too.”
His gaze holds yours for a moment, searching your eyes for any sense of doubt.
When he finds none, Yoongi positions himself at your entrance, and you feel his knuckles brush your folds before he sinks in. Slowly, cautiously, extraordinarily.
And both of you groan so full.
“Fuck,” Yoongi glowers, teeth sharp as he grounds them hard. His arm veins strain, shifting all his ink in pretty ebbs and flows. All his stomach snaps taut, and you can’t look away from his sheer look of concentration and lust. “Fuck.”
“Feels so good,” you gasp, enjoying the way he’s slowly grinding against your walls. All the slick from your releases allows smooth strokes, and you already feel close for yet another time. An unbelievable amount of orgasm in such a short span. You’ll never reach this peak. Not with anyone else. “What the fuck, I’m close again—”
“Shit—”
It happens in a snap. But more of a mellowed, drawn-out river flow than a full waterfall. Your eyes slowly roll before closing, and your chest arches slow as you rock back and forth on his cock. The squeezes are harder. The pulses are fuller. You’re milking him for all he’s worth, like your cunt won’t let go until it’s pumped him dry.
Which makes Yoongi lose his absolute mind, hissing as he pulls out quick before spilling onto you all over again. Again?
Holy fuck, again?
As he groans up above, his eyes are wiped dark completely. Which makes you wonder how you can still see stars embedded inside.
Was it all worth it?
You’ve never been more achingly sure.
It’s a long shot to know if he feels the same. And an even longer one for that to truly be the case.
But it’s okay.
This is the first, the last, the only time you have. And it was more than you could’ve ever asked for.
As he falls into the sheets next to you, both of you exhale harsh, hearts pounding and pounding into the bed and to the ceiling.
You can’t even move. Every single limb is sore from base to tip, and the door looks so, so far away.
When you whisper his name, you get a little acknowledgement at your side. Gathering all the strength you have left, you whisper,
“I know this is when I’d be kicked out, but.. I can’t move.”
The small puff of air you get in return sounds like a yes. But you aren’t sure until Yoongi verbally gives you a real answer,
“S’ok.”
All you can do is hum, noticing with a sharp pang that you feel soft towel wipes before the smooth slide of sheets up your bare skin.
“Just stay on your side.”
Ah.
Well. At least you aren’t alone for a night.
“And you.. Stay on yours,” you murmur, darkness seeping into your peripherals.
“Mm.”
Yoongi can be as cold and heartless and calculating as he wants. But you know he’s more than what he shows.
Because with a second sharp hit to the chest, you also realize the side you’re on is the side he was on before. He’s not gonna make you move just to keep his preference.
Don’t think too much about it. Do not.
“I wish everything was different,” you whisper, drifting into a dreamless sea. “I don’t want to hate you...”
Your forehead is swept by a warm hand. You cannot lift your lids any longer, but your ears still hang onto their efforts.
And the last thing you hear before succumbing to the dark is a lighter flick and a fact. A cold, expected, damning fact.
“You’ll always hate me.”
When you wake, you’re greeted by the same room you fell asleep in.
Sunlight cuts through grey skies to shine every surface, and you breathe in a musky, comforting scent as you stretch your limbs.
Did last night really happen?
The soreness between your bare legs is more than enough to prove so.
Slowly turning, you whisper to Yoongi that you’re ready to go when he is.
Only to find out that you’re talking to no one.
Shit.
Shooting up, you start to panic. Maybe he’s in the living room already? Getting ready to call someone to bring you back home?
Glancing at the nightstand on his side, you don’t spot the dagger he gifted you, brain grappling with what that could possibly mean.
Your ribs crackle when you bite back emotion. It’s all over.
Shifting back to swing your feet onto cold fibers, you pause with swimming eyes.
Because the blade rests ready on your nightstand, propped on a set of plain clothes in the perfect position you would need it to be.
Teeth clenched and eyes burning, you swipe it before rushing out of bed, head pulsing and a dull ache between your legs. “Fuck..”
The shirt and pants you’re given don’t exactly fit, but you’ll take what you can get as you punch limbs through long sleeves and high pants.
Yoongi isn’t here.
You feel it in your whole being, and you have no fucking clue why it hurts.
But if he’s not here…
Who do you start to hear outside the door?
You freeze, lungs expanding as you hold multiple breaths.
It sounds like talking. But also a myriad of sounds?
Heading into the bathroom, you silently glide across the floor before swiping up the chopsticks. Because yes, you’re still gonna save them. For defence. For keepsakes. For a grave reminder.
Tucking them in a pocket, you ready your dagger under your garment, pressing it flat against your skin like you were trained to do.
Slipping out into the hallway, you hear the sounds clearer. Movement. Slides of furniture.
What the hell is going on?
You’re about to retreat back into the room when a man crosses in front of the hall.
And his hair is strikingly…
Orange?
As he catches you in his vision, he stops on a dime, hand outstretched in greeting. “Hello!”
Your step back makes him laugh. But you’re not laughing in the slightest as you question,
“Where’s.. Where’s Agust?”
“Gone.” The smile spreading makes you squint. “Need to see him?”
Your answer is immediate.
“I’d rather die.”
-
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⟶ what do we feel! | 🥢 join the taglist 🥢 | masterlist
a/n: alright before i say anything else: use the bathroom after sex, and especially after doing it unprotected!! i normally include it so this is a rare exception. but yes. please use the bathroom after, and practice safe sex always! a/n 2: WHO COULD THAT BE AT THE END THERE... ahahah but seriously, i for one am still swirly eyed just thinking about what's coming for these two.. they have no idea what's in store and i'm itching to get the next part done! a/n 3: if there's something you liked about this or a line/scene/whatever thing you enjoyed, feel free to let me know! feedback is never expected, but always appreciated. if the interest level is high, that adds motivation like no other. thank you all for reading! ++ feedback box: ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that are too shy to reblog with a review, comment on this, or send a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a comment dropbox :D feedback can be as short/sweet or as long as you’d like! ⇥ here! ++ more links: ⇥ masterlist ⇥ minted masterlist
#FINALLY FINALLY#5000 words in two days just wanted to say i love y'all#bts fic#bts imagines#bts reactions#yoongi fic#yoongi angst#yoongi x reader#yoongi x you#yoongi smut#bts fanfic#bts smut#ryenwrites#minted#minted3#*ryenfictalk#*latest
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like a lotus in spring, you are mine to bloom — ft. alhaitham
synopsis: at twenty one, you’re just a girl he meets as he trains for the role of scribe. at twenty four, you’ve become everything he loves in this world. after three years of knowing you and nearly two and a half decades of life, alhaitham finally realizes why his father left letters for his mother instead of just saying the words outloud
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❤︎ word count: 7.7k words — we find ourselves here in the same old situation again, i see LOL pls give it a chance though!! plssss
❤︎ before you read: female reader ; 18+ content — not suitable for minors ; not proof read ; strangers to friends to lovers ; mutual pining but not at the same time for a bit (he falls first <3) ; jealous alhaitham ; hinted drunk sex ; getting together + love confessions ; alhaitham character story spoilers + references to his grandmother and parents ; semi-clothed unprotected sex ; no prep ; some nipple play ; creampie ; the cringiest love letter at the end LOL
❤︎ comments: guys every time i write alhaitham it’s so corny and cheesy but . he is my fav genshin guy of all time i deserve to be allowed this okay
TWENTY ONE.
You’re still a student when you first meet Alhaitham. (Not a student for much longer, but a student all the same. With a little luck on your side and good graces from your darshan’s sage on your thesis, you’re expected to graduate in just a few short months.)
You don’t have the best first meet. In fact, your impression of Alhaitham starts off entirely on the wrong foot.
He’s newly graduated, just freshly rewarded a degree for his (impressive) efforts, and is now well on his way to training for the role of scribe—you heard he was offered far more prestigious roles, but for some reason, a genius like him settled for a role like that. You try not to judge. People have their passions, after all, and if that’s what he wants to do, well…who are you to make comments? (But amongst a school that only houses the brilliant, Alhaitham is, very undoubtedly, a standout. It’s hard to stand out in a school filled with only the best minds, but he manages to do so with ease. Sometimes, you’re almost jealous. You can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t aim a little higher than he does.)
He trains in the house of Daena. His first order of training is to fact-check ordinance drafts using books so he can better get the hang of drafting them himself in the future. You’re also in the House of Daena to find the last book for your thesis—after weeks of begging, you’re finally granted access to the restricted section to find it.
And you do. Except your palm meets warm skin instead of the cold leather cover of a book. You pause, glancing up as sharp, teal eyes meet your gaze, staring at you expectantly as if you should be the one letting go. But you need this book. It’s the final research element to finish your thesis, and you’d like to be done with it. End of story. No matter how devastatingly handsome the man (because he is handsome, you’ll admit at least that much), you will not be handing over the last, final key to your academic freedom.
“Um, excuse me,” you say politely, “I was kind of reaching for that.”
“As was I,” he says, staring at you with a bored, almost uncaring expression. Your eyes narrow. “Now, if you’d please kindly take your hand off of mine.”
“I believe it should be you taking your hand off of mine,” you correct, huffing as you add stubbornly, “I reached for it first.”
He blinks at you, bland and a little irritated, as he points out, “Your hand is on top of mine, which means I reached the book first.”
Well.
Maybe if you were feeling particularly patient, you’d be inclined to admit that, yes, he does have a point. But stubbornness, combined with pure exhaustion, has you at your wit's end, and if you have to play the role of a difficult student, then so be it. You’re pretty sure you need it more, and you’re probably a much speedier reader anyway. You’ll have it done and returned in no time.
This guy, on the other hand…he doesn’t look too bright. You’re not willing to take your chances and let him walk off with a book that you might never see again.
“I started reaching for it first,” you scowl, “you just sped up your hand once you saw me. I should get it.”
“Unlikely,” he scoffs, “I didn’t even see you. Although,” he gives you a once over with his eyes, making you feel uncomfortably seen under his judging gaze, “I suppose you were a bit easy to miss.”
You gape at him. “Just what does that mean?”
“It means,” he smirks, taking the opportunity to grab the book as you stand in shock, “that I got here first.”
“Hey!” You glare at him, seeing red for a moment. What a perfectly good waste of a perfectly handsome face—and such an awful attitude coupled with his ridiculously smug grin couldn’t make for a worse combination. But, before you can even say anything, the book is being pressed back into your hands.
“You seem like you want it more than I do, though,” he hums, “I suppose I can let you have it. It’s a bit outdated for this ordinance, anyway.” With that, he saunters off. You push down the soft flutter in your heart for a moment and force yourself to hope you’ll never see him again. (Faintly, you hope your wishes don’t come true—but you refuse to admit it to yourself.)
Unfortunately (and fortunately at the same time) for you, you do see him again. Many, many times, in fact. When he works in the House of Daena as often as he does, and you like to spend all your free time there to study if you can, you’re both bound to run into each other often. Very often.
And sometimes, it’s quite literally running into him.
“Oof,” you hiss, staggering backward and hitting your head against the bookshelf behind you as you bump into a sturdy figure. You drop the books in your hand, blinking before reaching to rub your read as you start to apologize. “Sorry, I didn’t see you—oh. It’s you.”
“It’s me,” he says, looking mildly entertained. Alhaitham is everywhere. Everywhere. You can’t escape him if you try, and now, you can’t even avoid him in your own personal space. “Although, I think I should be the one apologizing this time. I was too busy reading to pay attention. This section is usually empty at this time.”
“How often are you in here to know what section is empty at what time?” You raise a brow.
“Too often to be considered good for my well-being,” he says dryly, sighing in misery. You crack a smile at that. Oddly enough, so does he—you don’t think you’ve ever heard someone say they’ve seen Alhaitham smile. It must be a rare sight that only you, and perhaps a very few others, can say they’ve witnessed. “I was just about to take a break to buy a coffee—I’ll bring one back for you, too, to make up for the cranial damage I’ve supplied.”
“A most wonderful idea,” you perk up instantly, “I love when I get to drain the wallet of a man.”
He gives you an amused look at that. And somehow, bringing you a coffee along with his own during his breaks is a habit that seems to stick for a long, long while after that.
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TWENTY TWO.
Alhaitham’s feelings are hurt. Not a lot of words tend to do that—he’s been blessed with thick skin and an unbothered attitude to a fault, sometimes. But something about today, for some odd reason, hurts his feelings.
Your words to the waiter who took your order keep ringing in his head.
Oh goodness, no, we are definitely not dating!
Most people mistake you and Alhaitham for a pair of lovers rather than a pair of friends. It’s just the way things go when a man and a woman are seen together for extended periods of time over and over. It doesn’t help that Alhaitham doesn’t really have any friends. He had one before you, but…well, things are complicated now. Far too complicated to think about it more than necessary. He has you, and that’s enough. But the matter still stands that most people tend to assume that something blossoms between the two of you that isn’t just friendly.
He was starting to think it was true himself, too. He knows it’s true from his end, at least. But you say those words with such a sure, definitive tone that it almost sounds like you’re offended by the notion of being seen as his girlfriend. And sure, he would be disappointed—he’s no liar—if you didn’t feel romantically for him, but he’d understand. It’s not something you can help. But you brush off the idea like it’s an anomaly of sorts in the universe for someone like you and someone like Alhaitham to be a couple. It hurts his feelings. More than it should.
(He knows deep down, in the depths of his heart, that you don’t mean it that way. You never would. But irrationality is but one of many feelings that bloom when it comes to romance.)
Alhaitham knows from a young age he’s different than most kids his age. This fact doesn’t change as he gets older. He’s brighter than most of his peers—which is certainly saying something because Sumeru is a nation filled with enough sharp minds, it’s as though brilliance were the average trait. People don’t typically like Alhaitham (which is fine by him, he doesn’t like most of them, either. They mostly don’t meet his standards). The kids don’t play with him in the parks that Grandmother would leave him at while she shopped around at the market, and they don’t sit with him on his one and only day at the Akademiya when he is but an elementary scholar. It never bothered him. He preferred reading under the trees and self-learning at home, anyway. When he’s older and enrolled in the Akademiya full-time, they don’t prefer to partner with him for projects for any other reason than simply being guaranteed a good grade, and they don’t spare him a glance when they all converse in groups outside of class. He never cared for freeloaders, anyway—he only trusts himself for projects, and he is at the Akademiya to learn, not make friends.
It’s not until he meets Kaveh does he consider the idea that friendships are meaningful enough to spare some effort into. But the end result of that only solidifies that he is best when in solitude.
But then he meets you. Some part of Alhaitham knows very early on that you would never be just a friend to him. If it was friendship that he craved, he would have looked for it elsewhere before running into you. Something about you from the very beginning makes him yearn for things much deeper than that. Things that remind him of his parents.
Friendship is fleeting. People at the Akademiya go their separate ways and meet new people. They fall out and have arguments. They grow up and grow apart and become different. But love blooms like the Kalpalata lotuses on a vine, timeless as time itself. It starts and never ends, one root stemming into more and more vines until they never stop growing.
Alhaitham has fallen in love with you. Logic tells him it’s only a recent development, but his heart has known this outcome would be brought about for a long, long time. And, in all truthfulness, your words have hurt his feelings.
And yet, he still loves you through it. He thinks that even if you crushed his feelings with a cold, indifferent smile, he would still love you through it.
A hand waves in front of his face, pulling him from his thoughts as you take a sip from your coffee. Puspa Cafe is not as busy at this hour, most people are in the middle of a work day, but Alhaitham is allowed to pick his lunch hour, and yours happens to be earlier than most.
“Sorry, I just have to ask—are…are you upset?” you ask gently, making him pause.
Yes.
“No,” he says simply, “why would I be?”
“You seem upset.”
“I’m not.”
“You were fine up until…I don’t know, a few minutes ago. Is something on your mind?”
You know him so well, he thinks. How could you not see how perfect the two of you are together?
“I’m simply concerned about your sugar intake is all,” he eyes the cold, iced drink in your hands with more syrups than he deems necessary. You always have a penchant for choosing the sweetest drink off the menu, and Alhaitham will never understand how your teeth don’t rot.
“Well, that’s very funny,” you roll your eyes, “because I was just thinking about how low on vitamin D you must be—do you ever leave your study to see the sun?”
He spares you a soft chuckle at that, shaking his head before taking a sip of his own coffee—hot and black and with two spoons of sugar. Simple, like how he prefers. You make a face at his drink as he sets it down.
“Have you ever thought about what you look for in a partner?” he asks suddenly, making you blink in shock for a moment. He flinches at his own forwardness just a tad.
“Umm, I suppose a little here and there…why do you ask?”
“No reason,” he shrugs, “just curious what your type was, that’s all. You’re painfully single, so I figured your taste was rather distinct.”
“Rude,” you scoff, rolling your eyes enough that he thinks it’s safe to assume you’re not suspicious. “Are you here just to poke fun at my choices today?”
Alhaitham should not be asking you this. Not when the answer so clearly is going to hurt his already very bruised feelings. Of course, your type won’t be him. And, of course, he is going to mourn your answer the second you give it, which is his own fault considering he’s the one who asked. (He has to wonder, for a moment, if this constitutes as an undiscovered hidden kink of his and whether or not he really just gets off on some unnecessary pain. Why else would he willingly subject himself to this?)
But, he’s caught off guard when you shrug and simply say, “I suppose someone who’s intelligent. I’d appreciate some good discussions. And…and maybe someone who’s kind, y’know? I would be rather sad if they were mean,” you pretend to sniffle dramatically.
“That’s…that’s it?” He tilts his head in equal parts shock and equal parts confusion.
“What did you expect me to look for in a partner?” You snort, “A three-story mansion? A rock-solid, chiseled chest to lay on?”
“Well, no,” he rolls his eyes, “Maybe something a bit less generic to narrow down your pool, I suppose, but if that’s your bar, so be it. There are far too many men who are intelligent and kind, you know.”
“Yes, but none of them show me any signs of interest,” you pout, “I must be undesirable or something.”
I desire you, he wants to say. He can’t quite find the courage to get the words out, though—and as if the universe has it completely out for him, the same waiter from earlier who is responsible for asking you the question that kills Alhaitham’s mood for the day comes back with the bill. And something else, too.
Something that kills his mood for the week.
His jaw clenches a tad when you flush at the note scribbled on a napkin for you, eyeing your flustered reaction while you read over the words: I get off at eight if you’d like to find me. You stare for a moment before you murmur, “Well, look at that. A sign of interest—it must be the Dendro Archon’s divine power.”
“The Divine have no say over who you fall for,” he insists.
“You don’t know that,” you hum thoughtfully, “The God of Wisdom knows her people better than anyone else, you know. I’d like to think she knows when love is bound for two people.”
You fold the napkin carefully and keep it in your pocket, and Alhaitham fishes out his mora pouch with stiff fingers. He leaves a very shoddy tip on the table before he exits after you.
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TWENTY THREE.
You wake up in his bed.
It’s a foggy memory, but you know you fucked Alhaitham after more sips of wine than you can count and one flirty comment too many. It happened in a blur last night, and you can’t say you’re surprised that it finally happened at all. Alhaitham is a man just like any other, and mingling pleasure with friendship is a normal thing to do. Falling under him on his mattress is not something you never had daydreams of—but the truth of the matter is that your daydreams don’t just stop with the bed.
They end with a toothbrush beside his in the bathroom. A mug next to his in the kitchen. Your shoes kicked off along with his at the entrance of a home. Your laughter and his bouncing off of the walls. A ring, maybe. One on your hand and one on his.
In your imagination, it starts with pleasure, but it ends with love.
Falling in love with Alhaitham is a peaceful ordeal. He’s dependable and inherently kind. Strong and impressively capable. Intelligent and objectively handsome. You’d bring him home to your mother and father, and they’d thank Lord Kusanali for smiling down upon their humble little family and their darling little daughter by sending such a divine man your way.
You don’t think you can pinpoint when exactly it is you started to love this boy, but you know loving him became as simple as breathing. You never thought about it. Never learned to do it. Never questioned it, even. You inhale the scent of his spicy, woody cologne and exhale the warm breath of your affections stored in your lungs. He lives somewhere nestled so deep in your ribcage that you think you’d have to crack each of them one after the other before you could pry him out.
You love Alhaitham. You think you know everything there is to know about loving him. You think you’d do it right—better than anyone else.
He only drinks his coffee when it’s piping hot, and his wine can never be one degree less than iced. He has dry hands, but he hates the feeling of lotion. He doesn’t like raw onions but he doesn’t mind them cooked. When the sun is in his eyes, he’s in a foul mood, but he enjoys napping under the warm rays, much like a cat. He laughs surprisingly boyishly from his belly if you manage to deliver a dry yet clever enough joke, and he clears his throat and gets a bit shy once he’s realized he’s let it out. He twirls his pen in his hand when he’s bored, and he only uses the kind with gel ink because they write smoother.
You love Alhaitham. For you, it’s always been him.
When you wake up to his bare, warm body next to yours, breathing peacefully with an arm thrown over your waist, you can’t help but selfishly wish he’d stay asleep all day. Just for a day. Just for the amount of time you get in between the sun’s departure and the moon’s arrival. Just so you can watch him exist in this moment where it’s you, him, and the liminal space between friends and lovers. Just so you can admire how beautiful he is without worrying about his eyes opening and the inevitable conversation of what you’re both doing is brought up.
People (like Kaveh, or Dehya, or Tighnari, or…anyone) tend to insist that Alhaitham loves you. It’s obvious, they say, just as obvious as your love for him. You never believe it. It’s not because he’s bad at love or because you’re bad for him. You think he’d make a good lover—contrary to popular belief, you don’t think Alhaitham is uninterested in intimacy or affection. And you think you’d make a good girlfriend—unlike other people, you understand him and like what you see.
But he doesn’t love you. That much is a fact you’ve long accepted. It’s not because you’re bad for him or because he’s incapable of feeling—but rather, it’s just that bitter, soul-crushing reality that you can’t help who you love and who you don’t. Alhaitham doesn’t love you—it’s not something either of you can really change. Because if he did, he’d waste no time. He’d get to the heart of the matter and quit dancing around the issue.
It’s just the kind of guy that he is.
So, because this is your first and likely last time seeing him this way, you slowly reach over and brush a few strands of messy, unruly bedhead from his forehead before cupping his cheek in your hand. His skin is soft and warm under your palm, much more delicate to the touch than you anticipated from how chiseled his features are. Your thumb gently brushes along the slant of his cheekbone, eyes softening at how he lets out a puff of air as he sleeps.
“Morning,” he says hoarsely, eyes still closed and making you jolt in surprise. He lets out a quiet, sleepy chuckle that would make you melt if not for the way your heart still pounds from the shock.
“You’re awake?”
“Mhm,” he hums, nodding before finally cracking an eye open. “For a while now.”
“Why pretend to sleep then, you creep?” You scoff, glaring at him as he sits up slightly and glances at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. No part of him seems to be shocked about you being nude in his bed. Or the fact that you’re even in his bed at all, nude or not.
“You’re the creep if we’re being technical here. It’s undoubtedly a little on the creepy side to study someone with such careful touches while they sleep.”
“That’s your main concern…?” You stare at him—and for lack of better words, you’re dumbfounded. You and Alhaitham have been friends for two years and counting. You’ve never once crossed the line or even toed at it to step beyond the border of anything more. And, yet, here you are. In his bed. Completely nude. He was lying there and felt your delicate touch along his skin, felt you act like a lover and not a friend on a quiet, intimate morning when in fact, you both should be shamefully avoiding each other’s eyes in a moment that’s anything but intimate as you leave.
He makes no move to ask you to leave or even question why you’re still here. You make no move to really leave—it’s not like you want to.
“What should my main concern be, then?” he looks at you expectantly, like he really doesn’t know.
“Oh, I don’t know, Alhaitham—shouldn’t you be a little more panicked by the idea that I’ve trespassed into your bed and seen you…bare?”
“Well, to be fair, you didn’t trespass. I let you in—and also, to be fair, I saw the same for you, too, so we’re even.”
“You’re oddly calm about this,” you hiss. “This doesn’t bother you even a little? That things might change?”
He looks at you funny—like you’ve just told him a joke that hardly makes sense but makes him want to laugh anyway. “You’re too brilliant to be this dense,” he murmurs. “Maybe I’m quite open to the idea of change.”
You take offense to the first part enough to completely miss the second part of his statement.
“I am not dense,” you huff, “I’m incredibly bright. I’ll have to send you my thesis sometime.”
“No need,” he responds through a low hum. He pulls you closer, flush against his chest. Bare skin on skin. Intimate skin, at that. You shiver for a moment as his warm, large hand wanders lower and lower before stopping just at the small of your back, rubbing slow circles at the dimple where your spine ends. “I’ve read it plenty of times. It was very insightful.”
“Well, in that case, you should know not to insult my intelligence—”
“If you don’t notice my affection for you, I’m afraid you might not be as observant as I initially thought.”
You pause. Your heart flutters. Then it feels like it decays. Your eyes widen a fraction. Then they feel like they need to be squeezed shut for fear of tears. You feel your fingers twitch to reach for him. And yet they stiffen in distrust.
“I don’t know what you’re saying,” you whisper. Because you don’t.
You really fucking don’t. You thought you knew. His feelings and how to read them. His thoughts and how his mind works. Every little quirk of his and how he approaches every damn thing in this world. You thought you knew.
Now you feel like you don’t know much of anything, especially not what he means right in this moment.
“You don’t?” He whispers, hand moving to grab your wrist and bring it to his cheek so his lips can brush along the delicate lines of your palm prints. (If he was brave, he’d tell you that his destiny and yours are written in those very lines. Maybe someday he’ll build the courage.)
“No,” you say through a shaky whisper. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you. Just like you love me.” He says it so plainly, that you almost feel like it's a dry, cruel joke. (You know him a little better than that, though, to know he’d never.)
“How do you know I love you?” you challenge just because it’s all you have left to cling to—easy, instant denial.
He laughs. Soft. Quiet. Melodic. So fucking sweet. “I’m too smart to act dense,” Alhaitham teases. And then, for a moment, his eyes soften enough that they almost look vulnerable. “And only someone who loves me could deal with my… peculiarities. Though, I will admit, it took me quite a while to reach this conclusion. You made me work for it.”
“If you’ve known all along—”
“Not all along,” he corrects, “like I said, it took me a while to come to this conclusion. But once I did, it was rather obvious.”
You scowl with a finger prodding into his chest, eyes misty with relief and the faintest traces of agitation, “Well, regardless, why haven’t you said something all this time? Obviously, I wasn’t as aware as you seem to be, so the least you could have done is spared me the pining and heartbreak of wondering if you’d ever look at me—”
“I wanted to make sure I could offer you a peaceful life first,” he says gently. You blink. He smiles, eyeing something in the distance—you don’t quite catch it, but you think it might be the old, worn-out stack of envelopes sitting on his desk.
“What?”
“When you’re with me,” he whispers, leaning in so that his lips brush over yours, “I can lead a peaceful life. I wanted to make sure I could give you the same.”
“And what does that consist of?” you raise a brow.
“Well,” he murmurs, pecking the corner of your mouth, “A stable job with a generous income, which I now have. A fixed schedule, which I have also negotiated. A proper home to house the both of us, which you are comfortably laying in. And…” he grabs your hand, bringing it to his chest where his heart is beating erratically, “A rock-solid, chiseled chest to lay on, which I have dedicatedly worked to add to my physique for you.”
“Haitham!” you squeal, shoving him away with a horrified shriek as he laughs with a wide grin. You don’t even know why he still remembers that comment to poke fun at it, but you suppose that is the tragedy of falling for a prodigious scholar. His mind is sharp. And so is his memory. “Enough!”
“Okay, okay,” he grins smugly. “I want us to lead a peaceful life.”
“There’s not a lot of peace I am counting on with you.”
“I will elect to ignore that statement,” he says dryly, “But that’s why I waited this long,” he buries his face into your neck, nose pressing into the skin as he inhales, “I’m afraid I can’t wait any longer, though. Won’t you accept my frugal attempt at a serene life with you?”
“Perhaps I can make do,” you fight back a stupid grin.
He smiles into your neck. You can feel it. You can practically see it. You hope you’ll grow old with it, too.
“Then I suppose I’m forever indebted to your graciousness, my love.”
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TWENTY FOUR.
When Alhaitham was eight, Grandmother told him the story of how his parents had fallen in love. It was a typical love story, he thought at the time—nothing overly special or unique. A simple, sweet bond between two people who became friends and something more along the way.
What stood out were the letters. Not very much at first, but with time, he’d realized how special they were.
Grandmother handed him the letters with a soft, melancholy look in her eyes that made him realize he hadn’t just lost his father and mother. She had lost her son and daughter-in-law. Alhaitham felt the absence of his parents often. It was hard not to at that age—he didn’t have a father to throw a ball to or tag along with to the market. He didn’t have a mother to hum him a melody or make his favorite dish for dinner. But Grandmother filled the gaps in those places well enough that even if his heart bled, not too much blood spilled between the cracks.
But he was no son. Not a proper one for her at her age, anyway. She raised him like he was her own, but she grew older every day, and he didn’t grow fast enough to keep up. He couldn’t take care of her in her old age the way his father would have. He couldn’t do much besides bring the vegetables for her to cut or set the table while she cooked. He couldn’t offer her the mora when she went to the market or carry too many of the heavy bags while they walked home. He couldn’t let her rest in her old age too much because, regardless of how mature and bright he was for his age, Alhaitham was just a child. Her child, nonetheless—Grandmother didn’t let him forget that fact. But a child.
When she died, he arranged the funeral alone. He didn’t cry throughout the whole ordeal. Her old colleagues from way back in her Akademiya days came, as did some of his parents’ old acquaintances. No one he knew too familiarly, though—no one who really mattered when they clasped his shoulder and told him to hang in there.
She was a good woman. He knew that already.
She was very intelligent. A very obvious fact.
She was exceptionally kind. A rather unsurprising observation.
She loved very deeply. Well. That one stung—as true as it might have been.
He remembers it so vividly still. How he had walked home alone after it all. How he had taken off his tie (a very poorly tied tie, at that—Grandmother had always helped him before) and silently entered his room.
It wasn’t until he had eyed his desk that finally, it all sank in. The notes—the ones his father had so carefully written his mother while they were still just starting to fall in love, sat there as if waiting for him. He read them one by one, just like he had so many times before. He didn’t realize he’d started crying until a rivulet of his sorrow landed from his cheek to the page, staining the paper a darker shade of heartache.
Alone.
That’s all Alhaitham had ever been since the tender age of four. At least, that’s what people had always thought—but he’d never felt the sorrow people tended to feel for him. Not having a father and mother was okay. Hard at times, but okay. Grandmother had been everything he needed. More than what he needed, in fact.
Grandmother was everything. And she had left him just the same way his parents had. He’d cried that night—alone in a house that was nothing more than just a house. Not a home, not a place where he could return to and look forward to it. Not a place where love was waiting for him to shelter him as soon as he came back from the cruel, outside world.
Grandmother was gone. Mother and father had left so long ago. But they all had each other—in whatever world they’d crossed to, they’d had each other.
He remembers it all so vividly still. How he’d read his father’s words, and for the first time in all his life, he’d craved it. What his parents had.
To my love, my soul, my heart. I am yours, always.
He wondered that night, through teary and blurry eyes, if love like that would ever find him. If he’d one day be able to call someone his love, soul, and heart.
He thinks now, as you laugh with your head tilted forward and a tweezer in hand while sitting on his lap, that he can.
“Hold still, you,” comes your teasing remark, “you said this would be nothing. Now look at you.”
“You’re being too harsh,” he grumbles, pouting slightly. With a smile, you bend your neck down and press a soft kiss to his jutted lips, humming before pressing an extra one to the corner of his mouth for good measure. (And yes, the grand sage—acting, you can almost hear him correct in your own head—can pout. He is rather frequent at curling those lips of his in your presence when he wants something, in fact. Or when he is teased too much. Something about you brings about a side of him that is much less stoic and far more dramatized.)
“You can just admit it hurts, you know,” you say through an amused snort.
“It won’t hurt if you just do it right.”
“I’m an expert at tweezing eyebrows,” you huff, “I do mine all the time. And I would know that it hurts.”
“It can’t be that painful,” he clicks his teeth, “just be gentle.”
“I cannot gently pull out a hair from your follicle, Haitham—I don’t know what you want me to—hey!”
He grabs the tweezers from your hand and pulls you close, hugging you tight enough that his nose digs into your skin a bit as he buries it into your neck. It’s Saturday. His first out of two days off for the week—standard scribe work weeks are nine to five on weekdays, and he very much appreciates his weekends away from the bustling, lively Akademiya nonsense.
Saturday happens to be your day off, too.
“Where is Kaveh?” you ask quietly, playing with the hem of his shirt. He raises a brow, eyeing the suspicious movement of your fingers.
“Working with a client in Aaru Village. He won’t be back until tomorrow evening. Why am I not enough company for you?”
“Oh, be quiet,” you roll your eyes, and this time, your hands wander under his shirt, palms slowly dragging along his chiseled, planed abdomen while he shivers slightly under your touch. “I was just asking if…”
“If…?” he urges you to continue.
You know he knows. But, for the sake of indulging his smug, teasing little game, you huff and push his shirt up to expose his chest before murmuring, “If we would be interrupted or not. I don’t fancy such awkward run-ins with your roommate.”
“Our roommate,” he corrects, “this is your home, too.”
“Yes,” you smile, brushing your palms over his pectorals, watching as he stiffens when you graze along his nipples, “I suppose it is.”
“Well, he’s not here. And he won’t be, so kiss me,” he demands through a breathy whisper. You do. You kiss him instantly—because kissing Alhaitham is what you do best. When he’s happy, sad, angry, distressed, or just plain tired, kissing him is how you know him the most. When your breaths exchange and your life force and his mingle to become one, singular unit.
You sigh into his mouth, letting his hands cradle your jaw and tilt your head to better meet his mouth, all while your hands still explore his upper half. He moans under your touch, cock springing to life slowly below you through his pants. You angle your hips forward, inching higher up his lap to drag your crotch along his and help the erection grow against the friction.
“Fuck,” he hisses, hard and heavy between his legs in no time.
“Haitham,” you breathe, feeling that familiar ache build between your own thighs.
You kiss him like that for a bit. Messy, deep, sloppy, and so, so slow. With all the time in the world. Languid strokes of your tongue against his as he rolls his hips up from underneath you, dragging his clothed, bulging cock against your dripping cunt. The fabric separates you, rudely so, and it’s not long until you both grow tired of it.
“Off,” you whine, tugging at his pants, “off, off, off!”
“So demanding,” he chuckles, pecking your nose sweetly before he lifts his hips, letting you slide off his sweatpants. “Satisfied?”
“Yes,” you beam, “You always give me what I want. It’s my favorite thing about you.”
His gaze darkens at that—not for any other reason than it makes him so incredibly filled with lust when you speak to him like that. So spoiled and happy about it because it’s him. Him. You’re happy that it’s him. And he’s happy that it’s you.
You don’t even bother undressing yourselves fully—he pulls down your own pants just enough to expose your pretty, leaking folds, and his hands wander under your shirt, where he almost short-circuits for a moment. Braless. Because you just love to drive him mad, he thinks. This much easy access to your soft, delicate breasts and the pert nipples that decorate them is enough to make him curse under his breath as his thumbs tease over them.
“You’re a tease.”
“For simply existing?” you gasp, making him crack a small grin.
“Yes,” he hums, “Your existence on its own teases me at all times. I’m afraid it drives me mad.”
You hum, reaching forward to gently take his hard, leaking cock into your hand and give a light, teasing squeeze. “Maybe my goal is to turn you completely into a lost cause.”
“Then,” he groans, throwing his head back against the couch cushions while he breathes harshly, “then you’re definitely succeeding. Is that what you wished to hear?”
“Yes,” you whisper, kissing his jaw, “It is, actually.”
It doesn’t take long at all before Alhaitham has tossed you back against the couch, laughing as you shriek at the sudden change of position. You glare at him, fighting back your own chorus of giggles as he moves to hover over you, kissing and biting playfully along your cheeks.
“I love you,” he mumbles.
“Aw, so sweet,” you coo, “say that again.”
He rolls his eyes. His lips curl into the brightest grin at the same time. My love, my soul, my heart—the words are ingrained in his memory always. “I love you.”
“And I love you,” you whisper.
He leans in for a soft, slow kiss as the tip of his leaking cock slides against your folds, tapping against your clit before rubbing along your entrance. You gasp, shuddering against him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer.
“You know,” he murmurs, “I could get used to this.”
“Sex on the couch? We can do that any time—”
“A weekend with just the two of us,” he groans, dropping his head to your neck as you laugh loudly. Bright. Airy. A sound the wind carries to him in his subconscious. He hears you even when you’re not there—even when you aren’t around, he searches for you.
“Oh,” you say playfully, “Yeah, I guess that’s nice too, isn’t it?”
“I’ll show you just how nice it’s about to be,” he hums. The tip of his thick, blunt head is pressed against your folds—you’re leaking just as much as he is. You slick, and his pre cum mix for a messy collision of arousal as he presses into you slowly, so carefully, you feel like you could break at any second with how he handles you.
He’s patient. When Alhaitham fucks you, he’s patient enough that you feel like his other half and not his means of pleasure. Like he fucks you for you and not for himself.
“More,” you insist, impatient as you add, “I can take it.”
“Patience is a virtue,” he clicks his teeth, “I want to take my time feeling you.”
And he does. He rolls his hips slowly. So slowly, you feel delirious. It’s a painful, gradual build-up of pleasure that has you trying to roll your hips into him to meet him halfway, a pathetic attempt when he’s on top of you to press his weight down on you to keep you in place.
“Please, Haitham,” you whine, sweat shining across your sweet, pleasure-hazed face as he stares down at you, “Please more. I need it—need you. Need all of you.”
“You have all of me,” he groans, feeling the tight walls of your cunt squeeze around him, the squelching noise of his thick girth bullying into your folds in and out, in and out, in and out, driving him to the brink of insanity. “You’ve always had every piece of me.”
“I want more,” you hiss.
He lets out a breathy laugh that turns into a soft moan. “If that’s what you want.”
The next thing you know, two strong, muscled arms are grabbing your thighs and bringing them around his torso to wrap around him, and his large hands grab your hips and pull, practically manhandling you deeper onto his cock. You shudder, letting out a shrill, high-pitched gasp as he intrudes further into your cunt, nudging the head of his cock against your sweetest of spots and making your body tremble.
“Haitham,” you gasp, “Haitham, fuck—fuck, you feel so good. So deep—love when you fuck me like this.”
“Yeah?” he murmurs, kissing in between your pretty little scrunched-up eyebrows, “I love fucking you like this, too. When you take me so well, squeeze so tight, and let me feel you like the good girl you are.”
His words make your folds squeeze around him, and fuck—he’s close. So fucking close, the pad of his rough, callused thumb meets your clit as he rubs circles, trying to bring you to the edge before he goes plummeting himself.
“‘M close—almost…almost there,” you pant.
“Me too, baby,” he groans. He slams into you, skin slapping against skin and the glistening sheen of it mixing your sweat together. His mouth parts with pretty, low sounds of his pleasure, and your face twists with the devastating rush of yours.
Once. Twice. A third time, and you fall apart as he thrusts into you and presses the tip of his thick length against the spongey spot in the back of your walls.
“Haitham,” you gasp, legs tightening around him as your nails press crescent shapes into his back. “Fuck, I’m c-cumming…oh, Gods.”
“Good,” he gasps, and with one last roll of his desperate hips, he spills into you, too. A thick, sticky, familiar rush of heat fills your cunt, ropes of cum painting you white within with every twitch of his aching cock. “Fuck—you feel so good. So perfect—you were made for me. Me.”
“You,” you whisper, breathless.
You let him shudder over you, fingers running through his hair as he finishes releasing his load into you before he slumps his weight over your body. It’s a small couch—decorative more than functional. (All thanks to Kaveh, of course.) But you don’t particularly care when you’re under him. It feels right all the same.
“We have the house to ourselves this weekend,” he reminds you after some time of catching your breaths. “So…so we can do this all you want.”
You giggle, rolling your eyes as you poke his forehead. “You’re obscene.”
“I’m romantic,” he corrects, “I just want to be with you and nothing else. Can’t blame a man when he’s been gifted such a beautiful sight before him.”
“And cheesy, too,” you huff.
He smiles. My love, my soul, my heart.
——————————
You wake up Monday morning to Alhaitham already gone—it’s rare that he’s ever up before you. He leaves the house just in time to make it to work exactly on the dot and not a moment sooner or a moment later. But, as is with any Akademiya position, there are quarterly meetings that even the scribe can’t avoid. You giggle at the image in your head of a grumpy Alhaitham carefully tiptoeing around the room as he miserably gets ready for an early morning of extra work, all while making sure he doesn’t wake you.
You yawn, sitting up to start your morning for your own day of work ahead—but it catches your eye before you can fully rise from bed, making you pause.
A note? No, you realize almost instantly. Not just a note—a letter:
To my love, my soul, my heart: Kalpalata lotuses will bloom soon. I forget how beautiful the world is sometimes, and I suppose it’s because I am always distracted by your beauty alone. Will you laugh as you read this? I suppose you might because even I must admit, it is a rather cliche thing to say. I can just picture your smile now, and I am certain I will have it memorized until my last breath. It’s easy to remember it so well when it’s all I see in my dreams. Have I told you how often I see you in them? It’s difficult to think that there was once a time in Sumeru when we did not dream. It seems like sleeping beside your body is no longer enough—your presence is required even in my slumber for me to truly be at peace. Perhaps when the lotuses bloom, we can take a trip to the deeper parts of the rainforest to catch a glimpse of a few. They say the vines are blessed by The Lord herself. I was never one to seek out the divine, but perhaps with a gift as sacred as you, I should take the time to thank Lady Kusanali for granting such brilliance to take bloom in my presence. Only, the difference is that here with you, there are no cliffs to climb or seasons to await. You are mine to bloom, always—my precious, beautiful lotus. Forever yours, Haitham ♡
ITS DONE. HAPPY LATE BDAY TO MY FIRST AND LONGEST LOVE. YOU MEAN EVERYTHING AND MORE TO MEEEEE
#—rivistyping!#alhaitham x reader#alhaitham x you#alhaitham smut#alhaitham x y/n#genshin x reader#genshin x you#genshin smut#genshin fluff#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x you#genshin impact fluff
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And if I wanna eat chametz dinner in my car/garage BEFORE sunset on Monday (and take the trash straight to the dumpster far away) mind your business! G-d and I already talked about it and they said it’s fine
whatever I eat the week before pesach is between me and g-d
#listen…#not everyone can handle the Seder#i just don’t wanna jump straight in like that#it’s a mental health thing lol#it’ll be my first Seder#and im nervy#i dont possess the ability to function that way#so im putting it off a day lol#give me a break#Seder will be Tuesday#pls dont judge me#jewish#jumblr
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