#pls I need someone who is as so totally normal about them as I am I need someone to yell ag

[fyreice360]

I feel like I'm the only person in the world atm who is completely insane about Dwight and Jake (dbd) because the brainrot has completely returned and taken over my life again and it's actually even more maddening to be completely alone in it I need someone to talk to who is as insane as I am but I feel like everyone moved on in 2021 and I'm in an echo chamber on my own

[gay-dorito-dust]

HEYYYY

Soo I'm here to rq another Damian x reader(platonic). But real quick, I'm sorry if I'm requesting too much or being a nuisance. Pls lmk if I am so I can stop! It's just hard to find somebody that writes for him like dis.

Anyways, basically the same thing were theyre friends but this time it's a diff scenario. So Damian n reader are obvi friends but theyre also complete oposites. Like Damian is intelegent, focused and meanwhile has reader is a bit dumber, daydreams too much, and kinder. They also get walked over a lot.

So he invites reader over to the manor and she meets his brothers n dad. It's all fine n dandy but they can't help but notice how diff they are.

Bonus points if reader talks positively abt him to his brothers and they're all like "fym he's nice?" And readers all like "fym he isnt?" (They're just not used to being treated like a normal human being) ‼️

Honestly I love writing for platonic! Damian. So pls don’t apologise for anything bc I’m having so much fun rn. 🦦plus I don’t know if this will read well as I’ve written this late at night when o should probably be in bed.

‘Am I seeing things or has Damian finally made a friend.’ Dick whispered to Jason, his eyes unable to tear his eyes away from you and Damian followed Bruce through the manor.

‘Nope, I’m definitely seeing it too.’ Jason replied also looking at you and Damian as if he was looking at the human personifications of night and day.

‘The fact that the demon spawn managed to get a friend sure is…something.’ Tim piped up, having overheard his brothers conversation from standing in between them. ‘I can only hope he didn’t kidnap the poor soul.’ Dick added as he was quick to click onto how Damian kept a hand on your arm, tugging and pulling you along when you stop to stare at a painting in awe for a little too long, gently encouraging you to keep up with him and Bruce by promising to go back to the painting later. Jason then looked over at Tim, ‘any ideas on who they are?’ Tim shrugged. ‘Only the fact that they go to the same school as Damian, share the same art classes and is known for being a little bit of a daydreaming pushover, but despite all that they’re still a kind person.’

Dick smiled sympathetically as his heart ached for you. It wasn’t easy being nice in a city like Gotham, if anything nice ever wandered into the accursed city it seemed as though Gotham itself would stop at nothing to see it destroyed, decimated and become as miserable and as bleak as the city itself; So it was rare to find someone who genuinely could still bring it in themselves to smile whilst in a city like this. And for that Dick had to give you props for being brave enough -and strong enough- to be kind in a place that would gladly take pleasure in stepping over and on you at any inconvenience. For it was truly a sign of bravery at its finest.

‘That kid is sure brave.’ Jason signed, knowing that people like you don’t last in Gotham but it was people like you that Gotham needed the most, but how could a retched place like Gotham heal when it’s always been a rotten city since it’s very conception? He didn’t believe it could be possible but there were always solutions to fighting the problem that seemed impossible to overcome. So who cares if you weren’t the brightest bulb at school? The education system in Gotham was shit anyway the last time he checked and he doubted much had changed when he…well you know…

Tim was silent. He was too busy recognising the protective measures that Damian was taking specifically for you; mainly the hand tugging at your arm anytime he thought you were getting distracted or wandering off elsewhere and muttering about how you need to keep or you’ll get left behind, despite the fact that even if you did Damian would allow himself to fall behind just so that he could walk besides you. While he might be part of the majority that didn’t think he’s ever see the day that Damian brought a friend home, never less a friend who was the total opposite of him. He couldn’t help but feel a sort of relief that Damian finally found a friend, and he knew that both Jason and Dick felt similarly from the looks upon their faces, silently observing how you interact with one another.

The one thing that Tim was confident in was the fact that Damian needed you as much as you needed Damian because you were a beacon of opportunity for his younger brother in many ways that Tim was certain you weren’t made aware of just yet. So while he and his brothers may tease and take this piss about how different you were from Damian, they mean well and express their happiness the only way they knew best; teasing and taking the piss.

‘This library is beautiful Mr Wayne! Do you have any fantasy books?’ You could be heard asking down the hallway, followed by the sound of Bruce softly laughing as he showed you the grand library. ‘This library has any book you can think of and please call me Bruce, it’s not often that Damian brings anyone home for the weekend.’ He says as you looked the Damian confused and a little betrayed. ‘You’ve got friends other than me?’

Damian groaned. ‘No. I don’t, you’re the only friend I’m willing myself to have.’

You smiled and gripped his hand. ‘Aww Dami! That’s so sweet of you to say, despite how brash and blunt you may come across, I’m glad to say that you’re the only friend I’m willing to have too!’ You said without shame. ‘Everyone else isn’t a nice as you are.’ You trailed off while a rare solemn look appeared upon your face as Damian was quick to squeeze your hand reassuringly, Bruce smiled sympathetically. ‘I’m not smart like your son mr Wayne, I can’t help it if things don’t come to me as easy as they do others but I try! I try really heard to do my best at every test but…but people tend to laugh of me because to them I’m either slow or thick.’ Damian’s jaw clenched and his brows furrowed upon being remembered of what people tended to call you.

He hated it and whenever he saw it happen, he was quick to utter some threatening words before taking his usual position as your pseudo-bodyguard for the rest of the school day. At first he wasn’t bothered but when you became restless in your pursuit of being his friend, he remembered vividly how people were mocking and making fun of you for trying to be his friend, that he often regrets not accepting your friendship sooner if it meant being able to be there when it counts.

‘When will you get it that Damian doesn’t want to be friends with someone like you.’ One person said.

‘Then I’ll just have to keep trying.’ You rebutted, still smiling somehow.

Another person scoffs. ‘Get fucking real. You’re a weirdo, no one wants to be friends with a weirdo who so fucking slow at everything.’

You merely shrugged, even when someone’s insulting you, your brain doesn’t recognises it as such. ‘I’m sure he won’t mind.’

‘God you’re so fucking useless that I’m surprised that anyone bothers with you. Let me say this in a way you won’t have to try so hard to understand dipshit. Damian. Will. Never. Be. Friends. With. Someone. Like. You. Ever.’ A third slowly spoke and Damian had heard enough and within a blink of an eye had laid them out flat. You blinked before looking at Damian with a bright smile. ‘Hi Damian! Did you hurt these guys, that’s not very nice.’

‘They insulted you and yet you defend their honour.’ Damian asked incredulously as you both walked down the hallway, leaving the three bullies to groan from their injuries. You shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’

‘They were insulting you.’ Damian reiterated. ‘They insulted your intelligence and your abilities. People like them often hide bigger insecurities than others.’ Damian replied, finding your ability to keep smiling after such things both annoying as it was admirable.

‘Are we friends now?’ You asked innocently enough and Damian knew he had sealed his fate, and so he sighs and looks up to the ceiling. ‘Yes, we’re…friends.’ He mutters and doesn’t do anything to stop you from dragging him to art class.

‘I was alone before Damian.’ You admitted as you looked at Bruce with a smile as you squeezed Damian’s hand in kind. ‘But now he’s here and he’s my bestest friend ever!’ Damian honestly wishes that you respect yourself more because you could claim that he saved you multiple times, but you’d never acknowledge the times where you have saved him by being unequivocally kind, sweet and over all a better person then all of Gotham’s civilians combined. ‘I was finding my first week at school horrid before I befriended l/n.’ Damian admitted as you softly cooed. The boy then swallows thickly. ‘Their friendship is much appreciated.’

‘Aww! Dami!’ You cried as you crashed into him, causing you both to hit the floor in a heap of limbs.

While Damian was cursing mom lethal threats and you were laughing, Bruce had already made his mind up about you and was certain to make sure to have Damian invite you over as much as possible. It was obvious for him to see that you and Damian were good for each other despite your vast and glaring differences, however that’s what worked in your favour, the power to have over come all odds was incredible; not to mention the fact that your friendship with Damian had lasted as long as it has was another impressive feet on top of that. Bruce knows it’s been hard for Damian to fit in and find a friend, but he couldn’t have made a better friend than he did in the likes of you.

You were more than defiantly welcomed back to the manor if Bruce had anything to say about it.

‘Get off of me!’ Damian shouts.

‘Damian, I think my foot is stuck with yours.’ You reply, scared.

‘That’s your own foot- how did you manage to tangle yourself up in yourself? You landed onto of me?’ Damian asked incredulously.

‘Sorry.’ You apologised.

‘Don’t be.’ Damian said.

Bruce smiled one last time before leaving you both alone in the library to untangle yourselves, only to be greeted by Tim, Dick and Jason. ‘Can I help you three?’ Bruce raised an eyebrow at the boys.

‘Nope.’ Dick started.

‘Not really, just…seeing how the little scamps are dealing.’ Jason followed after.

‘Damian? Nice? The same Damian who tried to, oh I don’t know…KILL ME?!’ Tim asked, revealing to Bruce all he needed to know, their breathing behind the library door was telling that they were clearly eavesdropping on the three of you. Jason and Dick looked at him displeased as Tim looked back at them. ‘I’m not the only one of us who thought that.’ He defended himself. ‘I mean it’s nice that he’s looking out for y/n but still that’s not something someone casually forgets.’

Bruce merely leaves Tim, Dick and Jason to their own quarrel, he loves his boys he truly does, but sometimes they’re more trouble than what they’re worth. He can only hope that they don’t scare you off from coming back for good because he was already planning your next visit.

[toomiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It��s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[taesanluv3r]

when your eyes meet mine

lee riwoo x reader

requested by this anon 💭 idol!riwoo x fan!reader <3 this is the most delulu fanfic ever LMAO lowercase intended, pls excuse any spelling mistakes/grammatical errors. enjoyy :3

wc: 1,970

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ring ring ring!

yn ln groans, an arm reaching out from under her covers to grab her phone that sat over on her bedside table. she winces when she's greeted by the bright light, moving her fingers to swipe at the screen, lowering the brightness and shutting off her morning alarm in record speed.

it's 7 am.

on any regular day, the girl wouldn't even dream of getting up this early- in fact, to her, anyone who gets up before 9 after completing highschool must be a total loser! or...maybe...someone who's got their life together...but that's besides the point. the point is that today was very different from any other day. today was the day! the day yn ln was going to meet the six silly boys she dreamed of every night as she went to bed and thought of every second she stood awake. maybe she loved them so much, or maybe it was because she had taken it upon herself to decorate the walls of her room with the large posters of them she had gotten from the one too many albums she spent all her paychecks on. nonetheless, at least to her, this was a big day- a huge day, even. i mean it's finally happening, a smile on her sleepy face as she's met with the countdown notification.

'yn x boynextdoor! D-DAY!'

it all started about two weeks ago. the girl was going through what had to be the worst few days of her whole entire life. she was laid off at work for two days straight, her salad wasn't crunchy at lunch, she totally forgot to hang her laundry out to dry, and on top of that she got a coffee stain on her brand new white shirt. it was bad, terrible even! all she could do was give up for a moment, calling in sick at work and laying in bed all day just re-watching 'what?door!' for the hundredth time, munching on a tub of neapolitan ice cream and giggling over whatever dad joke her bias, riwoo, said. things were starting to feel alright again. the same way it always did when she was watching those six boys on the screen laugh and yell at each other over silly games. oh how she'd give anything to meet them...

just as the thought crossed her mind, a gift from whoever watched her from above fell into the palm of her hands- well, not literally, but you get what i mean. yn furrowed her eyebrows as a text from her best-friend in the whole world appeared on her phone.

bestie<3

YYNNNNNN!!! big news!!!!!!! yk how i won that ticket for the bnd fansign in two weeks?

the girl rolls her eyes, of course she knew, that's all her friend could boast about for the past few weeks! you see, this fellow onedoor that was texting her, she's one of those fans that seemed to always have their way with luck and winning fan-signs.

mhm, i'm aware...what abt it tho?

yn awaits a response, moving her finger over to the trackpad on her laptop to pause the video that was playing in the background.

bestie<3

well...what if i told u i hv to be somewhere tht day n i need someone (you) to fill in my spot at the fansign? hehe :D

and that's it. that's exactly the sequence of events that lead the chronic fangirl to this moment right now. at seven o' clock in the morning, getting up to prepare herself for the six boys that await her later that day.

"oh fuck...what do i even wear?!"

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as it turns out, time moves a lot faster when you're anxious and excited. in record time, yn ln had found herself in a space full of fans just like her. the girl's heart beat out of her chest, body shaken and tears threatening to fall out of her eyes as she stood in the crowd. after contemplating her outfit choices for hours that morning, the girl decided to wear a nice pair of baggy cargo-pants and the baby blue jersey from the boy group's collaboration with the brand sandsound. she had her hair and make-up the way it normally was, the way she knew would look good. her hands wrap softly around her diy picket, a pretty heart-shaped one with none other that lee riwoo's face on the center of it- his face once again seen hanging on a pretty photocard holder on the strap of her bag. she was nervous, a sort of adrenaline rush coursing through her body when the people around her began to cheer, the silhouette of the six boys she loved so much emerging to the front of them.

"who's there? the boynextdoor! hello, we are boynextdoor"

the boys began their introductions, warming up to the crowd for about half an hour before they were supposed to start the fan-signing event. yn couldn't believe her eyes, she can't believe these people were real! she didn't want to be biased, but she truly could not focus on anyone else anymore, her gaze lingering over to the one boy who had her heart wrapped around his finger- he didn't even know it. lee riwoo looked even more handsome in real life, his aura screaming charisma as he spoke sweetly into his microphone. his hair a shade of brown that was almost ginger, a distinct mole below his eye that moved up a bit whenever he smiled, his smile that allowed for his little fangs to peak through. it sent the girl's heart flying! even more so, when his eyes turned a bit to meet with her own. maybe she was hallucinating in the moment, he could be staring at anyone! but she swore that for a second his gaze stuck onto her, a warm and fuzzy feeling engulfing the whole of her shaken body and a blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"okay, everyone joining the fan-signing event! please make a line over here in accordance to your given queue number. thank you" the staff called out through a microphone, waving his arm around to direct everyone over to one side of the venue. the members of the boy-group began to take their seats over on the long black table, another set of staff members preparing the albums, markers and post-it notes for the event.

once again, yn couldn't breathe. it felt as though all her dreams were finally becoming a reality. she didn't know what to do now, a sudden panic taking control of her brain as she stood in her spot in the line. 'what do i even say to them...?' - 'oh god i didn't think this far' - 'what if my mind completely goes blank?' - 'oh riwoo looks so good today' - 'what if throw up? or...or what if i...'

"NEXT!" the staff called out, gently tapping the girl on her back and signaling for her to move forward for her turn. 'oh i'm so fucked...'

honestly, it didn't go as badly as she thought it would. first on the table was jaehyun. he was so sweet, reassuring her that it was okay to be nervous and thanking her for her kind words. next was leehan who shot her his signature smile, giggling sheepishly at the compliments and praises the girl nervously told him. sungho and woonhak followed, listening intently to her every word as she slowly vocalized them. only two more members left! great! it wasn't so bad after all! or at least it wasn't so bad until she was face-to-face with the love of her whole life himself.

lee sanghyeok.

"hi....um...yn! yn, right?" the pretty boy said, searching for her name on the sticky note that was stuck onto the album. "uh- yeah...um...hi!...uh oh my god- sorry, i'm so..." she couldn't seem to speak, her whole mind going blank and malfunctioning as the boy in front of her smiled softly. "nervous?" he asked, a slight giggle escaping his lips as he did so. yn nods, "i'm sorry, you're just so handsome! and really cool and talented and i really love your dancing and your voice and even your dad jokes- even when they're not that funny sometimes and i really like your hair and uh- sorry, sorry i should stop now" the girl yapped on and on, suddenly going from not being able to speak to only speaking way too much. unbeknownst to her however, riwoo didn't find it annoying at all- in fact, it sparked some sort of a flame in the pit of his stomach. maybe it was the way she smiled at him, maybe it was the way she complimented him, maybe it was the way her hands shook as she spoke to him the way he noticed it didn't really for the other members. whatever it was, something about her peaked his interest.

"can...i...hold...your...hand...?" her question shakes him out of his thoughts. it appears the idol boy had zoned out, completely distracted by this girl in front of him. "huh? oh! uh...i-" he stutters, a sudden shyness taking over his complexion. the girl mentally slaps herself, "oh, i'm sorry...i you don't have to if you don't want to i mean it's obviously your choice i'm just- oh!" she stops talking when his hands slip over to grab her own, the feeling is warm, an electrifying sensation she's never felt before. and neither has he, the world around them going in slow-motion for a second as they paused into the moment. no words were exchanged, but the way their eyes pierced into one another's was enough to make sense of the situation.

"move along, please" the staff that stood behind the boys interrupted the moment, tilting his head to side as if to tell yn to hurry up. riwoo's eyes soften and he looks at her with some sort of look that read of disappointment, she furrows her eyebrows when he let's go of her hand to quickly jot something down on the page of the album that laid opened in front of him. "it was nice to meet you, yn" the boy said, a smile on his face. she returned the gesture, "nice to meet you too, riwoo- i love you!" she said finally, in a rush as the staff guided her over to the final member.

"hi!" she says, grinning from ear to ear as she sat down in front of taesan. they share sweet conversation, the boy thanking her for all her compliments. he looks down at the opened page for a moment and laughs, though she doesn't really know why, shooting him a perplexed expression. he shakes his head, looking up at her after signing her album. "looks like riwoo hyung has a crush on you or something..." the girl's eyes go wide, "what?!" is all she manages to muster out before the staff move to rush her out of the line. the last sight she saw was a cheeky smirk from han taesan and a lingering stare from the brown-haired riwoo beside him who waved.

the statement ran through her head for the next hour as she waits to retrieve the signed album from the pick-up booth. 'what could that menace possibly mean?' - 'he could be lying...right?' - 'he's probably just teasing me'

all her queries however were to be answered as she got the signed album in her hands, hastily flipping through the pages to find the message she didn't even know she was looking for. and there it was, right by a picture of his face in the photo-book, signed by the boy of her dreams himself...

'yn, it was nice to meet you :)...let's meet again some time? text me? (xxx-xxx-xxxx) love, riwoo'

huh...maybe he does have a crush on her or something...

the end.

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ahhh idk how i feel abt this fic 😭😭 but i hope u guys enjoyed it nonetheless :3 tysm again to the anon tht sent this request!! feel free to send some more over in my asks<3 reblogs n feedback r greatly appreciated, tysm for reading! love, kona.

[kangshxrtie]

ch. 23 ⤍ left 4 dead

​​you switched the screen from the "starting soon" animation to your face cam, flashing a quick smile before going  into your introduction.

"i honestly have no idea what i'm doing today," you confessed to the stream, leaning back in your chair. "so it would be really great if one of my friends watching could hop on and play games with me." 

almost instantly, a message popped up in chat.

jenaissante am i one of your friends 👉🏼👈🏼

"i would assume so. would you like to play games with me, yunjin?"

jenaissante yes pls jenaissante i'm getting food rn jenaissante inv me though

you only saw the first message and didn't invite her, instead scrolling through the chat, searching for someone else.

_chaechae_1 can i play?

"yeah, of course, chaewon," you replied casually.

jenaissante how dare u say yes to chaewon when i asked u first

you squinted at the screen, confused. "wait, did you say something? i didn't see it."

jenaissante fake —permanently banned

your eyes widened. "wait, shit! i didn't mean to ban you, i was trying to check the logs!" you broke into a laugh as you quickly unbanned her.

jenaissante just say u don't fk with me

"i swear i didn't see it! you said you were getting food, then 'invite me' a second later. how was i supposed to know?"

jenaissante can't believe you hate me

"just get your food and join us," you said.

jenaissante okay

you hopped on a call with chaewon, brainstorming what games to play. the two of you tossed out random suggestions, but each idea was quickly shot down due to the number of players needed or a lack of interest in the game. finally, yunjin joined the call—still eating, so not much help in the decision-making process.

"let's play left 4 dead 2," you suggested, scrolling through your steam library.

"isn't that for four players?" chaewon asked.

"yeah, but how hard can it be to find one more?" you shrugged. with everyone in agreement, you immediately started looking for a fourth.

"i've got a fourth!" you announced.

"who?" yunjin asked, curious.

"just a girl i know," you said cryptically.

"what girl?" yunjin pressed.

"you'll find out when she gets here"

"wait... is it kazuha?" chaewon guessed.

"uh, no, she's busy today," you replied.

"oh, right," chaewon nodded in understanding.

suddenly, yujin joined the call with a loud ping, interrupting the conversation.

"oh, it's just yujin," chaewon said casually.

"just yujin?" yujin echoed, clearly offended.

"not like that!" chaewon chuckled. "y/n was talking about you like you were some random girl we'd never met."

"i literally said she's a girl i know, which isn't a lie," you defended.

you booted up the game and invited chaewon, yunjin, and yujin to your lobby. everyone picked their characters as you fiddled with the settings.

"what difficulty should i pick?" you asked the group.

"maybe advanced?" yujin suggested.

"or, you know, maybe normal?" chaewon said, her voice laced with caution.

"we can handle expert. we've got this," yunjin declared confidently.

"can we, though?" you asked, skeptical.

"of course! we're pro gamers," yunjin insisted.

"you know what? you're right. expert it is," yujin agreed, backing her up.

"i don't agree with this at all, but sure," chaewon muttered.

sighing, you set the difficulty to expert, not trusting yunjin or yujin at all but just wanting to see what happens.

user2 we'll see how long that lasts user3 "they're not even lasting a minute" is winning the polls by a landside rn user4 betting all my points on them losing rn

the game loaded in, and as usual, you all messed with the controls to get comfortable. scanning the ground, you grabbed a weapon and glanced at everyone else's characters.

"wait... why is chaewon's character kinda hot?" you remarked suddenly.

"huhhhh?" yunjin blurted, totally caught off guard.

"y/n, you can't just say stuff like that," yujin laughed, trying to hold it in.

"i'm serious!" you continued. "her character just backed it up on me. y'all need to see this from my point of view."

as the first wave of zombies swarmed in, everything fell apart in record time. chaewon screamed as she died almost immediately, yujin calmly took out a few zombies, while yunjin panicked because of chaewon's freakout—only to die herself. you were just trying to help, but it was too late. you all died in less than a minute.

you quickly went to adjust the difficulty. "normal or advanced?" you asked, trying not to laugh.

"we died so fast!" yunjin laughed, still in disbelief.

"we can handle advanced," yujin suggested.

"no, we cannot," chaewon said, her voice sounding genuinely scared.

you set the difficulty to normal for the sake of chaewon, who seemed like she was actually traumatized from the previous events.

"no, we cannot," chaewon said, her voice sounding genuinely scared.

"everyone on the roller coaster," yunjin instructed, already making her way up the tracks.

you followed, but when yunjin turned around, she noticed chaewon still struggling at the bottom. "she's down there alone. she's not gonna make it."

"i am!" chaewon yelled, her voice laced with panic as she fought off the swarm of zombies below, while the rest of you were already perched at the top of the roller coaster tracks, watching her struggle.

"you gotta get up here!" yujin called out, her tone urgent.

"i'm trying!" chaewon replied, breathless.

"she's actually not gonna make it," you observed dryly.

before long, zombies started appearing at the top of the tracks, forcing all of you to engage in a fight. yujin was downed causing yunjin to freak out and looked to see chaewon stuck below, trying to fend off zombies and ultimately getting downed herself.

without hesitation, yunjin leapt down to save her. "i'll save you, chaewon!" she shouted, helping her back to her feet.

as soon as chaewon was revived, she announced, "i have a defibrillator! i can save yujin!"

meanwhile, yunjin called out, "i'm about to die!" as she sprinted up the roller coaster tracks.

"please don't," you muttered as you yourself were downed.

"y/n!" yunjin screamed from the other side of the tracks, panic evident in her voice.

yunjin and chaewon fought desperately to fend off the incoming horde, trying to revive at least one of you. but in the end, yunjin got downed too, leaving only chaewon to fight.

"teamwork did not make the dream work, yikes," you commented, leaning back in your chair.

"that's toxic, y/n," yunjin groaned.

"i'm coming back!" yunjin exclaimed as chaewon managed to help her back up.

"please don't," you deadpanned.

they finally revived yujin, but the zombie horde was relentless. despite your best efforts, it wasn't enough, and you were all taken down by the overwhelming hoard. the level had to be restarted, but at least you managed to beat it on the second try.

now that you all were in a safe room, the group decided it was time for a quick break before the next round. you took this time to turn your attention to chat, seeing a chat from kazuha causing you to smile at it.

k_a_z_u_h_a__ ain't no way ur playing with my roommates & not me rn

"are you jealous?" you asked in a teasing tone.

k_a_z_u_h_a__ and if i was?

"i would have invited you, but you were busy," you replied with a grin.

k_a_z_u_h_a__ :( k_a_z_u_h_a__ still messed up

user2 should we leave 🤨

"i'll play games with you next time then."

k_a_z_u_h_a__ :) k_a_z_u_h_a__ that works k_a_z_u_h_a__ gotta film now... k_a_z_u_h_a__ i'll miss u

"bye, kazuha. go do your job," you said, waving at the camera with a smile.

once kazuha logged off, you responded to a few more questions about the game and joked with your chat before the break ended. then it was time to lock back in for the next round.

"chaewon, behind you!" yunjin shouted, swinging a baseball bat wildly at the zombie chasing after chaewon's character. "this thing's so fast!"

chaewon let out a scream once she finally noticed, firing her gun with her eyes squeezed shut. somehow, she managed to kill the zombie.

"i got it, chae!" yunjin said triumphantly, smacking the now-dead zombie one last time for good measure.

"oh wow, thanks a lot," chaewon replied sarcastically. "really saved my life there."

before yunjin could respond, a spitter grabbed her character. "wait, huh? chae, help!" she called out, struggling.

chaewon just burst out laughing, watching yunjin's character get dragged away.

"why are you laughing? help me!" yunjin begged, "my character's gonna die! do something!"

chaewon kept laughing, only stepping in after yunjin's health hit was completely down.

"i was actually dying, and you just stood there laughing like a maniac," yunjin grumbled. "even after i saved you."

"oh, that was funny," chaewon said, still catching her breath.

a little later, yujin came up to you, wielding a chainsaw as you took down the last zombie in sight only for yujin to swing the chainsaw at you.

"what the fuck!" you yelped.

"oh, sorry! thought you were a zombie," yujin said with fake innocence.

"no, you didn't. don't lie to me," you laughed.

"i'm serious, i couldn't tell the difference!" yujin insisted.

"yeah, sure," you replied, shaking your head.

eventually, you all reached the safe room, the mid-level stats appeared on screen, detailing the damage each of you had dealt. once your characters were back in view, everyone reloaded their weapons, patched up any wounds, and stocked up on ammo and supplies, prepping for the next onslaught.

"alright, last level. let's go," yunjin said with determination prompting you to open the door.

"yippee! last level!" chaewon cheered, her voice full of excitement.

"we're professionals now," yunjin boasted confidently, with chaewon echoing, "professional gamers!"

"seasoned at this point," yunjin added.

the mood was light as you ventured out, shooting the few zombies that outside near the safe room. things were manageable until chaewon's panicked scream rang out.

"behind us! oh god, they're behind us!"

user5 instant chaos 😭

you whipped around, guns blazing as yujin tossed a boomer bile into the horde, and you got out of there following behind chaewon who was now heading up some bleachers. as you were a prompt came up to start the stage lighting.

"do i start this?" yunjin asked, eyeing a prompt to activate the stage lights. before anyone could answer, she hit it.

"oh—we have to survive here," yujin noted, already scanning for a place to take cover.

"there's some medkits up here!" chaewon called out.

the notification flashed across the screen: rescue is coming! defend yourselves.

"alright! where are we holding out?" yunjin asked.

"under the main stage," yujin suggested, and both you and chaewon agreed.

with that, the fight began. molotovs flew, bullets sprayed, and zombies kept pouring in, all while the stage lights burst like fireworks overhead.

"yujin, behind you!" yunjin yelled, saving her from a sneak attack.

"thank you," yujin replied, barely catching her breath.

"i got the right side!" chaewon called out, steady in her role.

"i got all the sides... except for the ones i don't," yunjin quipped.

"we're literally destroying them," yujin remarked confidently. "this is easy."

"too easy," yunjin agreed.

just as the lights flickered out and the zombies seemed to stop coming, you were about to relax.

"that's... it?" you muttered.

"i knew we would end them," yujin said proudly.

you were about to reply when chaewon's voice cut through. "guys..."

"it's just one. we'll mow it down," yunjin said dismissively.

"yeah," chaewon echoed.

as you focused on the tank approaching, chaos struck again—a jockey rode yujin, dragging her health down fast. you quickly intervened, freeing her before returning your attention to the tank.

"wait... it's not dying," yunjin exclaimed in disbelief, continuing to unload bullets.

"he's so big," chaewon groaned.

"oh, wait, it is now!" yunjin cried as the tank finally fell, everyone cheering as victory seemed close.

but then, another swarm appeared. zombies flooded the bleachers, and yujin was slammed to the ground by a charger. chaewon, wielding an axe, rushed in to save her, only to face yet another tank. the group barely managed to set it on fire and take it down as the rescue helicopter appeared overhead.

another notification flashed across the screen: rescue has arrived! get aboard

you and chaewon scrambled up the bleachers while yujin held her own on stage, fighting off the remaining zombies. but just as she made it to you, chaewon was downed. yunjin ran to help but got downed herself.

yujin threw a molotov to clear the area but ended up setting both you and chaewon on fire in the process. "both chaewon and yunjin are down! we can't go without them," yujin said urgently.

"i'm coming, give me a sec!" you yelled as you fought through the flames to revive yunjin.

"just run to the helicopter!" you shouted once yunjin was back on her feet.

as you made your escape, yunjin got downed again. yujin, torn between survival and saving her friend, paused. "i can't leave without her!" she cried, fighting off zombies. but eventually, she gave in. "actually, i might have to leave her," yujin said, backing away.

"yujin! what the fuck!" yunjin shouted as yujin left her behind.

"sorry, i gotta put me first," yujin quipped as she headed to the helicopter with you and chaewon.

"wait, we can't leave without chaewon," you said.

"you right, we can't leave her, and by we i mean you two" yujin agreed staying near the helicopter, far from the danger.

"i have a defibrillator!" you said, rushing to revive yunjin.

"alright, i'll cover you," chaewon promised, while yujin hung back in her safe zone.

you called for help, taking damage while trying to get yunjin up. "wait, help me!"

chaewon hesitated but eventually stepped forward, just as yujin climbed into the helicopter. "pilot, you can leave now."

"what do you mean, leave?" you snapped.

before you knew it, the helicopter left with only yujin aboard. the sound of her triumphant laughter echoed in your headset.

"yujin, you left?!" chaewon's disbelief was palpable.

"ain't no way," yunjin muttered.

in memory of:

chaechae jenaissante gameryn

"i went to get a medkit for chaewon, and they killed me for it," yunjin said.

"in memory of us minus yujin's bitch ass" you said.

"don't worry, you'll be going in the autobiography for sure," yujin reassured like that meant anything.

"it's so on brand. yujin would leave us in a zombie apocalypse," chaewon sighed.

yujin just laughed in response.

"wow. you're not even gonna try and defend yourself?" you asked, incredulous.

"y'all wouldn't believe me anyway," yujin said casually.

"damn right! you left us!" yunjin exclaimed.

"if we ever end up in this situation for real, i'm sacrificing you first," you said firmly.

"fair," yujin responded, still laughing.

after the game, the group spent a few minutes laughing and recapping the best moments, mentioning yujin's betrayal and the chaos that ensued. once everyone said their goodbyes and left the call, you sighed in relief, finally able to settle in for some one-on-one time with your chat to debrief without the noise of the rest of the group. 

user6 yujin really said "every man for himself" lmao

user7 ofc yujin would be the one to leave

user8 yujin's betrayal arc, wow...

user9 left 4 dead (literally)

user0 no mercy, no loyalty, just vibes

user1 yujin's so real for that

“never inviting yujin to another lobby again,” you declared, shaking your head. you spent a few moments catching up on donations and responding to messages you missed during the game before wrapping up the stream with your usual outro.

ALL CHAPTERS !!! | NEXT CH !!!

[radicalstoner]

reason #6263 why your boyfriends make you less radical - hetfems like yourself aren’t posting anything about that mass drug rape case by a “kind considerate husband” who was a fine husband until he hit his 60s and got strangers to rape his wife. you lot refuse engaging in all the proof male partners are equally scummy as any other man and that it’s anti-radical to encourage any woman to date men (even “safely”). you just conveniently go missing. funny that. lesbians, celibates and febfems, once again, being the only ones to circulate the multitude of OSA IPV cases like these. your “not all men bc Jakey” impacts your ability to be radical because you’re so afraid of I told you so that you stop posting how bad boyfriends and husbands can be. Giselle’s husband was white btw 😂😂

Dude I've barely even been online the past few weeks, as I said to my last anon msg (which I'm guessing was also from you). Yall are so obsessed that you're checking my blog and taking the lack of posts (about anything - I've posted 7 times total in the last week) as evidence that I don't care about feminist current events issues, like pls be serious, that's some of the most basement-dweller shit I've ever read - "you clearly don't care about things if you don't post about them!!!!!1!1!1!!" Get real lmfaooo

I literally just haven't been around so I'm not as up-to-date on news (esp news being discussed on radblr), bc I haven't even scrolled my dash for more than 15sec in probably months - I'm sorry you're so chronically online that you can't even fathom the idea that someone hasn't been GLUED to tumblr constantly. I open the app every couple days when I'm bored, read notifications, and then close it bc doomscrolling is horrible for my (anyone's) mental health - as demonstrated by your unhinged ask, perfectly reflecting the madness that takes over when you are wired in 24/7!

As for the heartbreaking crime you mentioned - I hadn't heard about it prior to receiving your ask, but I read up on it and it's horrific; men are capable of the most dehumanizing, sub-human atrocities on this earth, and it makes me absolutely sick. Not sure why being with a man (who does not abuse me) would change my response to such a horrible tragedy; I don't think men are uwu innocent puppy dogs, I am FAR TOO AWARE of male violence, having been victimized several times in my life. Just bc I happened to meet a man who I feel comfortable and safe with doesn't mean I suddenly feel comfortable and safe with every man on earth - far from it.

But you write as though "male partners" are a separate species that is inevitably and psychopathically violent, and I'm sorry but I just don't buy that - I can't. It's such a blackpill stance, and I know it comes from serious trauma at the hands of men: I myself used to have fight-or-flight response from every man I saw bc of thinking like yours that they're basically rabid animals, and I was also a NEET who didn't have a big social life, so it was easy for me to get sucked into the catastrophizing polarized mindset here on radblr. But now I'm a normal adult with a real life who interacts w people from all walks of life, and I'm much more adjusted to nuanced thinking rather than black-and-white stances. The world is rarely so simple as good vs bad. I feel so much more at peace in the world AND in my feminist activism, knowing that my viewpoint and actions have been shaped by exposure to/analysis of a diverse and ever-growing pool of opinions.

Also side note, why'd you feel the need to add that the monster who violated and tortured his wife is white?? Men of all skin colors have equal opportunity to abuse in any number of ways, I have never stated a single thing about men of a specific race being more/less violent, and when I saw some of that sentiment coming from other radblr blogs I was truly disgusted.

Don't try to rope me into shit I didn't do, and don't act like I'm representative of every non-separatist woman on radblr - I'm literally Just Some Guy™ living my life, and it seems like y'all take it SO personally... which is extremely parasocial of you fr, like you're never even going to encounter me on the street, why you sending me a dozen anons a day (most of which I don't even post) even when my blog is inactive asf. If my existence (clearly) occupies your mind 24/7 and distresses you so deeply, just block and move on! Accusatory mocking asks like this do nothing to change my opinions and they sure as hell don't tear me down - I'm not so fragile and insecure that I need internet strangers to validate my opinions/view before I dare to even have them. Try it sometime!! :)

[paper-cities]

op I am SCREAMING TO YOU ABOUT KILLUGON THEY ARE THE BRAINWORMS THE VOICES

Other than that I hope you understand how much the tags on your last kitty Killua post hurt me (and made me laugh, emotional rollercoaster love it)

Don't mind me I'm just going insane and I'd love to scream more at you but I NEED YOUR KG HEADCANONS SO WE CAN SCREAM TOGETHER

HI HELLO ANON!!! Ty for allowing me to break your heart w silly killugon animal au!!!!! I can fit SO MUCH hurt/comfort into these bad boys <33

Incoming rambling under the cut (I'm sorry)

I posted some general killugon hcs here but there are always more soooo:

-Alluka and Nanika bond with Gon super quick. Killua finds it incredibly charming.

-Everyone else knows Gon and Killua are meant to be for AGES before they realize it. It makes Leorio want to scream sometimes, but Kurapika holds him back because "they have to get together on their own time. No one should rush them."

-Gon with dimples, need I say more?

Also I'm obsessed with my silly animal au rn so here's some hcs for that too (sorry):

-I think in this AU animal features are rare and part of the reason Killua and Gon bond. Killua and Alluka/Nanika are the only Zoldycks to inherit their dad's animal features and the Zoldycks take this as part of the reason Killua needs to be the next heir.

-Killua's pupils dilate and he slow blinks like a cat at Gon sometimes. Gon is oblivious to what this means (i trust you/love you in cat speak). Someone points it out one day and Killua is ridiculously embarrassed bcus he doesnt realize hes doing it.

-Gon wags his tail so hard his whole bottom half shakes sometimes. Ofc hes hit his tail on many things (and people) leading to numerous injuries both to himself and others. After he gets it docked (partly due to injuries inflicted on him and the aforementioned injuries he gives himself) he basically just wags his whole butt when hes excited. Killua thinks its super cute but would never admit it.

-If they're apart Gon likes to carry something that smells like Killua (a shirt or jacket) because he's got a blood hound sense of smell. He finds it immensely comforting. Before they get together Gon makes up excuses about why he's doing it, after they're official he admits the truth and Killua feels like an idiot for not noticing sooner.

-Gon gets called guard dog by strangers sometimes because of how he protects Mito, then Killua, and eventually Alluka and Nanika too. Killua jokingly calls him a "good boy". It's meant to be patronizing, but totally gives Gon butterflies. He tries to play it off, but flushing cheeks and fierce wagging give him away every time.

-Play bite each other when wrestling as kids on their limbs. When they reunite as adults who dont know how to handle emotions they end up wrestling again and Gon bites Killua on the neck. They both get too flustered to keep fighting and make up excuses to stop and pretend like theyre totally not in love with each other because it's Very Normal And Very Not At All Romantic to leave bite marks on your friend.

ANYWAY IF YOU READ ALL THAT YOURE A TROOPER TY and ofc pls scream to me abt your hcs!!!!!!!

[msanimedolphin]

~Back In The Game~

~Chapter Twenty-Six~

-Series Masterlist-

What happens when a girl who loves volleyball joins a boys' volleyball club? Does she find love? Will she relive her past or move forward? Join (L/N) (Y/N) on a journey with fun twists and turns.

I don't own Haikyuu or any of the characters.

-Last Time-

“Hinata, you little squirt! Don’t butt in like that!! You totally ruined my chance to say something cool!!!” You giggle at them. The whistle is blown indicating the start of the next rally.

The Municipal Team serves and Ennoshita receives the ball. He calls for cover from Kageyama while Ukai thinks about how everybody needs to work on bumps and passing. Kageyama runs to get into position to set along with Hinata coming to his spot.

‘Hm. He figured out quickly where the ball would be coming down. First step is confident and correct.’ Ukai thinks about Kageyama. ‘This setter’s supposed to be a rookie, right? So. Who’s he going to use…’ Ukai’s thought is answered as he sees Hinata jump.

Ukai, Takinoue, Shimada, Ashai, and Noya stare at Hinata. They are shocked by how fast and high he can jump. Hinata hits the ball and earns his team a point.

“Yeah!! Nice one, Hinata! Kageyama!” Tanaka praises.

Noya, Asahi, and Ukai are left with their mouths agape. Suga is looking at Asahi and Noya expectantly, while Takeda is looking at Ukai the same way. You have a look of pride as you see their reactions.

“Whoa!! Shoyo, that was awesome!! So awesome even I couldn't help but stop and stare!” Noya praises excitedly as the first-year blushes.

‘There were no hand signs. No verbal cues. And they still…?!’ Ukai thinks before speaking. “Hey, you!!” He yells causing Hinata to flinch and he and Kageyama to look at the coach. “Why did you jump where you did?! How did you know?! Short Stuff!”

“Short…?” Hinata begins. “Well… I just jump wherever I want, because the ball always comes wherever I am. Coach.”

‘...!! My eyes don’t wanna believe it, but I know I saw it. When Short Stuff jumped, his eyes were closed. Are you telling me that rookie setter was able to match his set to his movements that perfectly?!’ Ukai is shocked. ‘And how can he be so completely sure the ball is always going to be there? What normal player can trust so much that he’ll jump and swing totally blind?’

“YOU TWO FREAKS OR SOMETHIN’?!” Ukai yells at Hinata and Kageyama.

“Freaks…?” They respond simultaneously. Tsukishima chuckles.

“Why?” Hinata asks.

“Don’t ask me.” Kageyama replies.

“At first I didn’t get what that whole conversation right before the game was about…” Ukai begins, getting you and Takeda’s attention. “But…I think I see now. So that rookie setter’s likely a prodigy of some sort. Compared to a player like him…the normal slobs have to feel inferior. But… A set and a spike happen in less time than a single breath.” He continues as the game resumes. “Players need a whole lot of hours working together to get that kind of timing down. Faith like that isn’t something you can build in a day. So if we say what our rookie setter has is overwhelming talent… then what his senior there has is years of trust and stability.” He observes each of the players before beginning again. “This Karasuno team is pretty dang good!” 

‘Took you long enough.’ You think with a chuckle.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, sensei?” Ukai asks Takeda with a pat on the back, while you roll your eyes.

“I did. Multiple times.”

The game continues with Ukai’s attention refocusing on Hinata.

“Who woulda thought short stuff would be a middle blocker just from looking? He’s got a mean quick attack… but how’s his blocking?” Hinata is standing by the net getting ready to block. Asahi is standing across from him and notices his intense stare. This makes Ashai avert his gaze. 

“Oh, come to think of it, this game is Hinata’s first chance to play against the ace position that he’s idolized so much.” Takeda points out.

“Hm?”

“Well, you see, Hinata’s idol is a player called “The Little Giant.” He was someone who played during Karasuno’s golden age. That’s why he chose to attend Karasuno, too. He is always giving his best, saying that someday he’s going to be an ace too. And now in this game, Hinata gets to face off with Karasuno’s current reigning Ace!”

“Now isn’t that neat. Though from this angle, it looks a lot like a grown man playing an elementary kid.” Ukai replies. This makes you slightly laugh as you look at the two. You see Suga uses a hand signal for Asahi. ‘Probably telling him the kind of set he’s going to use.’ You think.

Hinata looks at Asahi with such concentration that it’s a bit scary. Karasuno serves and Noya receives it, passing it to Suga. Suga sets it to Ashai. ‘A shoot.’ You think. Asahi jumps and gets ready to spike but is surprised when he sees Hinata in front of him in the air, ready to block.

‘He popped up out of nowhere!!’ Asahi thinks.

Asahi spikes the ball and it hits Hinata’s hand with great force. The ball ricotes off of Hinata’s hand and goes behind him. Daichi and Tsukishima run to save the ball from hitting the ground but neither make it in time. The ball hits the floor earning a point for the Municipal Team. Asahi watches as Daichi talks to Hinata.

“...I knew he could jump, but it’s really shocking to see him pop up right in front of my face like that. How high can he go?” Asahi says to himself.

“That was awesome!” Hinata says looking at his red and stinging hands. “And he hasn’t played for a month!” You smile fondly at the first year.

“Yo, Hinata!” Kageyama begins. “You’re using your hands wrong when you block! If you’re trying to stop them, your hands go like this!” He demonstrates. “See? Like this!” Hinata doesn’t pay attention to Kageyama because he’s too focused on watching Asahi. “Are you even listening to me, boke?!” Since Hinata still wasn’t paying attention, Kageyama started squeezing his head. ‘At least Kageyama tried helping him…’ You think.

“Kageyama, you’re going to hurt him…” You say worryingly. Kageyama stops squeezing Hinata’s head and just stares at him.

“Hey…” Kageyama begins but is interrupted by Hinata.

“Man, the Ace is awesome!! He can hit the ball so hard it doesn’t matter if there’s a block! It’s still gonna smash through and score a point!”

“...”

“? What?”

“Nothing.” Kageyama says walking away.

“?”

“We’re running out of time, so let’s dive right into the second set, everyone.” Daichi says. The game continues. Hinata starts staring at Asahi and gets lost in his thoughts.

‘...If I was as tall and strong as he is…then I could…Whoa whoa whoa!’ Hinata starts shaking his head. ‘Don’t think about that. The Little Giant was awesome and short too! Though he was taller than me. Still…’

“Asahi!!” Someone calls out for Asahi to spike.

‘That’s so cool…’

“?! Hinata!!” You and Daichi call out at the same time.

“Huh?” Hinata snaps out of it and sees the ball flying toward him. Before he could react, the ball hit him straight in the face, causing him to fly backward.

“?! That idiot!!” Kageyama yells.

“AAAA” Asahi yells, frightened.

“GAAAH!!” Tanka yells worriedly.

“HINATA!!!” You scream, quickly running over to him.

~To Be Continued~

[inconsideratekidney]

9/26/24

hey y'all. had some thoughts today and yesterday that I wanted to jot a' down. here we goooo:

my interpreting gang will get this more than others, but we all mouth so much. like we need to chill out with the english stuff, but it's so normal and obviously deaf people mouth and sim com as well, but we need to cut that ish out. i get so distracted when i see people mouth or enunciate like half or most of what they're signing or sign and also speak breathily, like please be quiet i cannot focus. (also i hate the way enunciate is spelled fuck that motherfucker, it does not feel right at all.) i feel like we all collectively need real self-analysis when we rewatch our videos and shit, cuz i experience this as well, where i have no idea what my flaws or my grows are?!?!??! i need someone else to notice them and be blunt with me. just tell me cuz i don't have the valid experience and knowledge that a native would. please help me. anyway, i wanted to mention as well that people will mouth words that have an exact english word that you could translate it to. like if i were to sign big i would mouth "cha" which is a grammatical thing, but i have never signed big and mouth "bg" idk that's just me, i have seen people do that tho. as well as like when you describe a list with your five fingers, you go across your fingers with your dominant hand and don't mouth anything because there's not a direct english word for that. you get a word that describes the concept in english, but not the exact word itself. it's all about *interpretation***~~~~~. sorry i will leave the corny jokes at the door.....no i wont that wasnt even that bad shut up. ok whatever end of that discussion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

maybe i'm out of it, but i need another hillary clinton "everybody pokemon go to the polls" joke for this election. i know we got trump's springfield dog/pet eating meme, but i need one that a candidate said that's like hillary's. i need another meme, pls. i want another motivational piece of information from one of them. anyway, that's as much political talk as i want to get into on here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

what was i thinking about, i was thinking about many things yesterday and meant to write them down. i am shocked i am writing this right now honestly. oh, i went to the career fair not in a professional outfit and holding my salad from commons and everyone kept looking at my salad. like don't sideeye my salad like that cuz u thought i brought a resume made from paper and that looks like a to-go bin. stop looking at my salad, my eyes are up here, pal. too much goofy for one day. i want to go play the sims frrr. i have to do a paper for interpreting and that shit is not going down well. it is going to be my best efforts, but i am sacrificing playing the sims to do this assignment (even though i could've totally worked on it yesterday instead of playing the sims, but who's keeping track of the days when assignments aren't immediately due? i'm not.

I feel like I am finally becoming responsible with my work and that i am not as overwhelmed. it may have actually helped for me to drop a class from this semester, but i am still in over my head. but we are doing wonderfully so far, if i do say so myself. i have only considered dropping one of my majors like twice, and those thoughts disappeared after i dropped that one class, so we are so back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay dude, what the flip.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's hard to write a blog when i am feeling more at peace and not stressed. it feels like i am a whiny teenage girl that hasn't grown up yet. (.....) it feels like i shouldn't need to write a blog at all when i am actually feeling good....it's like life isn't that bad and the bugs in my head are wrong. speaking of which, i am curious about y'all's opinions--can you grow out of a learning disability/being neurodivergent or do you just learn to cope and mask better?

If you ask me, i think i have learned how to cope, and i have always learned to mask. i never knew there was a word for that, but yes, in every situation i am evaluating everyone and everything constantly. my eyes are tired and my brain is satisfied for once, but it's also filled to the brim with mostly useless information and therefore why i yap all the time and find a blog useful for my well-being even when i am happy. it's a good practice to express myself in an unformatted uncensored way with no interruptions from other people specifically about what i am saying, but more so that others would distract me in the environment i am in physically. i prefer to blog alone and in a quiet space, but that isn't always what i get. i am luckily able to do that now and here i am forgetting what question i was answering so let me finish that first before everyone starts to skim and not comprehend what i am saying.....

I think that i have learned to cope and mask, but i also have never taken any medication for add and am unsure if i am on the autism spectrum (i know some ppl say everyone is), i am neurodivergent and it fucks with my psyche and that's what i deal with, so regardless of labels, i think differently and my prefrontal cortex dances to a different tune than that of the majority of the population. my add is not gone, it is just manifested in different ways. I recently heard that girls are more often diagnosed with add than adhd compared to boys and that that can be because girls do not display hyperactivity externally but that we internalize it and it manifests as anxiety and daydreaming and such. definitely that is me. that is called inattentive adhd i believe, i am not going to check now cuz i am on a roll typing and don't want to stop.

I would like to go and get tested for autism but ppl keep saying its not fun when its on your medical records and jobs are like no ew you're autistic we cant accommodate or we are going to discriminate against you without saying it directly. also, like someone also mentioned it's not about the label it's about knowing my needs and accommodating myself. if that turns into something out of my control or requires more from my school and work, then yes, maybe i should do something about it. currently i am a goofy goober and don't use accommodations at school except for asking for extensions, but mostly i just try to sit closer to the front and silently chill. if i feel more comfortable i will raise my hand and ask for clarification, but that depends on the vibe of the class and how physically close i am to the professor.

i would like to be more confident in myself and admit that i need clarification and some accommodations cuz i don't function like other people, but that requires bringing attention to myself and having to say something to hold myself accountable for my actions and that conflicts with my wallflower tendencies.

please do share your experiences with me over text if you would like to cuz i love other people and like to know about other people, especially when i have only recently started to align myself with other neurodivergent people and feel more happy and put together with myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i hope that has been a sufficient amount of yapping for you. this is what i do instead of pay for an expensive therapist or talk to another person because i don't like to be interrupted when i talk about conceptual, philosophical or heavy topics in general.

anyway, toodaloohoo

kD :p

[hellativity]

lol i have been chronically online and wanna rant about some stupid shit i have seen. i will probably say something problematic in here <3 dont worry about it

do you ever see people making up discourse about different ways to be queer and like. maybe they are right idk. but also please log off and hang out with some queer people irl and maybe we actually dont need to play "who has it worse" "who can talk about these issues" identity politics with every different possible combo of pronouns/gender presentation/gender identity.

ok up next i keep getting "modest girl" instagram reels and it's so funny bc most of them are just. normal girls in cute outfits that i would probably wear too. but they are making such a big deal about their Modesty Journey pls chill

the amount of tradwife content i get...... not good. not good at all. and like i love homemakers! that's what my mom did for most of my life! but instagram influencer homemakers??? not it. they have always got some shit to say about their husbands not wanting them to have a job or they don't need a college education or God wanted me to get married at 18. you're allowed to do these things if you want idc but the more this stuff is normalized (ie 60 yrs ago or whatever. also less than 60 years ago.) the more women get trapped in abusive relationships because they don't have a savings account or a path to independence. your individual choices are not setting back feminism but you #tradwife content totally is

last night i got this video about a girl snacking on butter and i was like. wow i hate that. so i looked at her account and she only eats meat?? like? "I don't eat plants" what the fuck., anyway. then instagram showed me lots of other types of disordered eating influencers. yikes!

oh idk i also dont like "girl math" or the word "girlypop" or whatever. it almost feels like we finally made it from "im not like other girls" to "sometimes i am like other girls which rocks bc i love girls" and then took it too far to some kind of weird "i am stupid i am a woman divine feminine" situation? idk i see people posting about this, i'll reblog if i see someone phrase this in a way that makes sense

oh my god and the comments sections???? SO many people have GOT to learn to just scroll past. like if you see a teenager being awkward or "cringe" or wearing a bad outfit. can you just leave them alone? like just keep scrolling. people are so mean? and for what? so other people will like their mean comments. i hate it so much.

man i am just. scrolling and i hate it. and i know the algorithm is showing me things i hate even more bc i look at them. awful.

[ingravinoveritas]

Hi! How are you doing? Sorry, maybe I'm a bit out of the blue with this ask, but I feel like you're my guide in the MS×DT fandom, I always read your blog and I like the way you share your point of view! I thought that maybe you can help me understand?

I read a tweet about Staged 3 that said: "David is in Japan filming an advert for WHAT??? No. Pls no. The BASTARDS. THEY KNOW. I bet it was Michael’s idea to put that in. Just to send the Good Omens fandom round the bend." and everytime someone asks them to elaborate or explain, no one gives clear answers 🥲 since English is not mother tongue, it's even more difficult for me to read between the lines or understand what they mean. I just got that it has to do with a fanfiction and a fruit, but that's it! I don't even know the title of the fic. Do you know what this is all about? It seems like something extremely cursed 👀 so if you don't want to go into detail, it's totally fine of course, but just a little bit more of context would be wonderful 🙈 I feel like I'm missing a joke! And I'm so curious especially because I can perfectly picture Michael shocking David with some cursed fanfic involving them! Hahahaha

Hi, Anon! Well, first let me thank you for your very kind words--I’m humbled and honored that you consider me your guide in the MS/DT fandom! I appreciate that so much.

So, let’s first get a gif up of the moment in Staged 3 that folks are referencing, for anyone who hasn’t seen it:

As a point of clarity, I feel the need to mention that what Michael is talking about (and by extension, what was being referenced in the tweet you mentioned (which I did see) and why everyone in the fandom went into uncontrolled paroxysms when this was said in Staged 3) is cream cheese:

Under normal circumstances, cream cheese is a delicious item that can be used in a number of dishes and applications, from cheesecake to fluffy cream cheese frosting to the always classic bagel with a little schmear (as I feel qualified to say, being a native New Yorker).

In this case, however, it is indeed a fanfic that is being referenced (which I also mentioned on this post recently). But this is no ordinary fanfic, Anon. It’s an explicit GO/Ineffable Husbands fic, but it is so beyond horrific in its writing style and content that it has become nearly mythic in its notoriety in the fandom. This is the kind of fic that would turn God into an atheist. If the GO fandom was a neighborhood, this fic would be the house at the end of the block with no paint and boarded up windows and that is probably haunted by the ghost of a Victorian orphan. Everyone knows to stay away, but some folks just get so darn curious they have to have a look...and then immediately regret it.

Now, if you actually still want to read this Kafka-esque dairy product-violating abomination of a fanfic, you can read it here. But I am urging you to take heed, and to bear in mind that the tags and warnings don’t come close to preparing you for what is in store. Proceed with all the caution in the world, Anon, and don’t say I didn’t warn you. Because I did. Multiple times. (I’m just saying...)

Also, to your point about Michael shocking David with a cursed fanfic involving them, I could see that, too...but for the sake of my sanity, I’m going to pretend that this is the one fic Michael decided not to share with him, and that he decided to stick with some nice, filthy, normal smut (GO or RPF) instead. We can pray, anyway.

I hope this helps to answer your question, Anon. Thanks for writing in! x

[touchtranscendslanguage]

hello!! i’m a newcomer but i just wanted to say that your series is so friggen amazing <3 i fancy myself some self-care snakebois and anxiety-ridden driderbois. though roman might actually kill me and i’m terrified of him having the ability to make people fall out of love. what a horrifying thought kxjsjdheh??? anyway!!! i have some questions regarding magic because magic yay worldbuilding <3 my bad if some of these have been asked! as i said, i’m a newcomer aha;;

so if taking away a witches magic makes them no longer a witch, can an old enough witch just die on the spot, or are they biologically however old they were physically (like how the royal fam stopped at around 30) and begin aging at a rate normal for their species? if taking away a witches magic makes them no longer a witch, does giving someone magic make them a witch? and if so, are they then immortal or age slower than previously? are any species (that we know of so far) unable to naturally be witches, and what happens if they’re *given* magic without biologically being able to have it? can a person have TOO much magic? what species do we know of so far and are any of them/will any of them be relevant? i want virgil to be besties with the waitstaff again :((( (not a question but it needed to be said). was sleep messing with virgil’s circadian rhythm? probably not but i just wanted to confirm because he’s a vindictive little shit who totally would 👀

will sleep and virge be spider besties now?,,,,pls i need little weave-and-relieve sessions between the two where they just chill and rant n maybe do each others nails or share weaving tips :))) can virgil croquet or sew or knit or something? because he’d love, probably. it’s great for anxiety (probably, i’m so bad at it i wouldn’t know LOL)

i. am going to cut myself off here before it gets too long. have a good day! <3

- OnlyRoomForHope (would be unanon but i can’t be bothered logging in on right account lmaoo)

@onlyroomforhope

Thank you and welcome! I'm so happy to have you here in my own tiny corner of the fandom! Yeah, we love our self-care snake and anxious spider here. Also, wow, ya'll really latched onto that fact about Roman. As long as Virgil and Janus keep their protections up around him they'll be fine :)

A lot of good questions here and for the most part it looks like they haven't been answered before! This is exciting! *crackles knuckles* Let's dive in, shall we?

So if a witch loses their magic and therefore their immortality they don't just drop dead. Their body is still physically the age it was when they stopped aging, they just begin to age again. This applies to humans, fae are already immortal on their own their immortality just works a bit differently.

Giving someone magic does make them a witch. I think I've mentioned it before, but Remy wasn't born a witch, he got his magic from King Thomas. Gaining his own magic made him a witch and came with all of the perks of being one including immortality. Remy is indistinguishable from any other witch.

Thus far I've only put a lot of thought into humans and fae being witches, but I'd say most highly intelligent sentient species can have witches. Especially the humanoid or partially humanoid ones. So most monsters such as naga, driders, merepeople, centaurs, and vampires can all be witches. Dragons, kelpies, harpies, and sirens cannot.

it's also important to note that I said highly intelligent sentient species. That means beasts are not included. So there are no pheonix, unicorn, bear of bears, or bassilisk witches.

Could someone give a beast or non-witch monster witch magic? Yes. Chaos would happen.

No, a person couldn't have too much magic. Exibit A: Thomas. King Thomas has a ridiculous amount of magic. Should he have that much magic? Absolutely not. That shouldn't be allowed. But, hey, I didn't make the rules (yes I did) and it is what it is.

Now, if you're asking if a lot magic can have negative side effects then yes, it can potentially be overwhelming. If King Thomas got all of his magic at once it would have taken a serious toll on him and at one point he did aquire too much at once and it did take a toll. That was a the very beginning of Thomas's reign and he depended on Nico a lot to hide it. After an adjustment period he was fine, though. After that he learned to take magic gradually, one or two witches at a time with breaks in between.

Okay, so so far in the series we know of humans (obviously), fae, driders, and naga. We also know that fae are split into seelie and unseelie. Only humans and seelie are going to play major rolls in the series. As tempted as I am to play around with the many subcatagories of fae and the other species, I'm trying to keep this as simple as I can. We may see them play minor roles as in individual characters but that's it.

That being said, I am planning the brief appearance of a third major species.

Now, there are many minor species of monsters but those all defer to either the seelie or unseelie making fae a major species. Humans are also a major species. The third major species that is indepented of and can stand toe-to-toe with fae and humans is spirits. Spirits will barely appear in the series so I don't plan on doing a lot of wolrd building for them.

So all in all, only humans and fae will really be relevant.

I want Virgil to be friends with the staff again, too ;_;

Remy totally would mess with Virgil's sleep, however he was on Earth up until the day he was introduced to Virgil, so no, he didn't have anything to do with Virgil's sleeping problems.

Remy are Virgil are going to be besties! I am firmly team Those Two Getting Along. They are my babies and I love them, they must at least be friends. There will be classic sleep overs and they will get up to shananagins, so stay tuned for that.

Virgil can weave and sew. He's okay at it. he does it more for stress relief than to be good.

[psychelis-new]

Hii I hope you don’t mind me asking for some advice. So whenever I go in a crowded place and stay for a while I always end up crying whenever I come back home. I’m guessing its bc I absorb other peoples energy? I’ve tried visualising a shield but I feel it’s not strong enough. If you have any advice for this in general I would really be grateful.

Hey, sure it's fine. Yes it could be cause you pick up a whole bunch of energies all at once or just that... being around people, especially crowds, makes you feel unsafe. It's a normal reaction, you don't have to worry: not everyone likes being around people, and in particular when there are too many of them and you cannot control what they do or where they go. It can feel overwhelming (and it can be a sign of a deeper wound though -ofc I'm not a doctor, so take as resonates).

In particular when we're already stressed for other reasons, being around lot of people (and strong noises, lights and smells), can indeed add to our fears/stress and make it all too much to bear with. But it's good that you cry: crying helps you remove what hurts, physically and emotionally. It could simply be your way to free yourself from that accumulation of random energies or from the general experience. Ofc I am sorry you cry, but it's good. Some people cannot cry easily for things that happens to them, and they accumulate so much before they can free themselves (yeah, hi!)... Anyway, crying doesn't have to be a bad thing, no matter what you've grown up believing (generally: crying = something is wrong = bad). Crying is good, it helps you get better (even if you're in pain).

Now, back to us: to not feel is almost impossible, especially for those who are empaths and pretty sensible (this is also how we may have grown up, needing to pay attention to our surroundings in order to "save ourselves"). But you can work on trying to isolate from what's outside, to put up boundaries (emotional ones. Kinda like shields, but you don't need to visualize anything and lose energy that way -losing energy makes you more vulnerable to the outside one, try to preserve it within you). To put up this boundaries requires lot of work/practice and patience, of confidence and kindness in yourself (it won't work perfectly since day 1) and working on grounding yourself and feeling stable. This is the only real shield you can truly create, whether it's energies or just emotions: working from your inside out.

Generally psychologists suggests to get away from any overwhelming situation (when possible ofc): but crowds are hard to be avoided sometimes. So, try to move away mentally by focusing on something else. - Maybe put music on (just pls remember to pay attention when you cross roads and even walk, look where you go -I personally don't like that cause it makes me lose focus on my surroundings and I don't like to be not able to hear what's around me, but we're all different) - sing a song or a random lullaby in your head, or repeat a lesson or plan your day/try to imagine a dialogue with a friend or anyone (maybe in another language if you know, just to practice it too -it will totally make you focus on another problem which is remembering words); - count to a number (just to see if everyday you count to the same number); - maybe count your steps, but try to not run; - focus on a color/word or an advertisment you can see around, and try to imagine a story about any of them or where you can find them (like color yellow: lemons, bananas, minions...). - hold a notebook or something near your stomach, it may help you feel protected (even a plushie, there's nothing bad in that). - imagine someone holding your hand if you want, and shielding you. Your angels are likely to do it anyway, just be aware of their presence around you. Just take it slow and breathe. Focus on your breathing and calm your body (especially neck/shoulders area and lower back/belly), remind yourself it's okay/safe to walk there and nothing will happen. And nobody's energy can enter you if you don't let them, so don't be scared, don't let fear take over: stay focused on you and grounded. If you walk around in fear of others and look at how many people are around you thinking "omg they're too many I cannot afford them all", you will easily start getting overwhelmed. Don't let this happen: you don't have to afford anyone, you just need to walk your path to home. Again, breathe and focus on you. Do/Think anything that can keep you focused on something else, and that can be comforting for you in that moment, until the crowd is only a memory.

Take care, okay?

[yankstrash]

I just can't believe you're so close to all the players rn.....

Like imagine running into one I would DIE

no bc here's my mind every single time i've been out & about

"i need to stop tucking my hair behind my ears. what if i see someone?"

"sunglasses ON. i look sweaty & gross right now"

"what do i even say if i see someone? how am i supposed to approach them?"

"never mind, i'm not going up to anyone. i'll just stare from afar."

"how do i act totally normal & not seem bat shit crazy in front of a guy who is literally younger than me"

"my anxiety is so bad right now"

"does my outfit look stupid?"

like PLS IT'S SO MUCH TO KEEP UP WITH

anxiety inducing experience but in the best way possible 😆

we were walking outside their hotel yesterday & there were so many fancy cars & buses

also saw a bunch of guys in suits taking family pictures in front of the arena & i was like mmk so he's getting drafted!

like this is so fun i'm doing this every year from now on

[castle-dominion]

5x1

I need to leave for work in 15 mins (by which I mean 30) but I can watch the first 5 mins of 5x1.

The audio cutting is interesting...

*intense scene about killing ppl* *wakes up after a sexy night*

"that part" lol He's so smiley! RC: So…You’re on—one board with this, right? It’s not some “Oh, I—I quit my job, I almost died, I’m in crisis” thing? Girl go back & say "I apologize, I would like to have my job back pls." RC: So what would you, um… *starts taking off her shirt* …like to do today? I like her hair

MARTHA The CLOSET? Martha totally would have heard them arguing. WE??? the way she blows her hair I love it.

Of course she is hungover! RC: Well, Alexis, as your father, I have to say that I am .. deeply disappointed in you, and yet oddly proud. Becks get out! Out! Out!

Poor ryan, he has no team but at least gates is helping. Oh yeah negatives! Ah the vice P's security detail meaning ryan doesn't even have people there who are not his usual team.

Yucky torture

At least he is apologizing or smth... Why would he be embarrassed about being seen with you? RC: And, call me selfish, but I want to keep what we have together to ourselves a bit longer. KB: Still, it wasn’t your finest hour. RC: No. RC, approaching: But maybe I could…make it up to you…somehow. KB: I suppose since we know that you’re mom’s not gonna be barging in, we could go for a round two. RC: Well, technically it would be a round four, but— *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* RC: She’s stalking us. She knows. KB: Who is it? KR: (O.S.) Beckett, it’s Ryan! KB: *relieved face* RC: Oh. KB: Hide. Quick, in the closet over there. RC: Yeah, I’m not getting in there. KB: Why? I hid in your closet, why can’t you hide in mine? RC: Why should I? KB: Becau… KR, still through the door: Beckett, is everything okay? ((because after all, she did just almost fall & quit her job & they're dealing with her shooter & she is not responding much & this could very well be a hostage situation where someone is telling you what to do & say)) KB: Fine! [Beckett turns back to Castle.] KB: Okay, maybe I’m not ready for anyone to know yet. Right now. RC: Come on, how’s he gonna know? KB: You’re here. Just like I was there. RC: Yes. Yes, the difference being, I have my pants on. ((XD)) Or…or are you embarrassed to be seen with me? KB: Okay. Fine. Just act normal. If that’s even possible for you. [Beckett heads for the door.] RC: It’s me. ((she has a woodstove)) [Beckett prepares to open the door and looks back at Castle to make sure he’s ready. Castle awkwardly tries to strike a casual pose. Beckett opens the door and Ryan enters without waiting to be invited. He has awesome hair. He stops short when he sees Castle.] KR: Hey, Castle. What are you doing here? RC: Oh, I was just walking by…the neighbor…hood. I only live twenty… [Castle thinks for a moment.] RC: uh h…what are you doing here?

Ryan is talking so low & soft (& deep)

Castle: I know him Ryan: *sonic dub eggman voice* what are you two fucking talking about

Holy crap I only just now got to the title card? I thought I made it all the way to the title card before work yesterday!

Course no name, he would not release info like that, it is dangerous

SHe can't go back again, she broke out! She made it! "we've done this before with less to go on" like when u didn't have a body RC: And I’m not so bad myself.

Castle KNOWS that watch? rly?

Heck yeah protests Ooh esposito moments! Oh no he's going to be vigilanteing Wait nvm he's at the army surplus store-- wait that's a recruiting place. I'mma join the protests. I hope esposito doesn't rejoin the military. Fuck the military. (what's in the backpack?)

Ah meeting A Guy.

Didn't use his signal light Lol nice glasses & car. First names <3 Who is Cass? Didn't esposito say just last season that he never got shot? He said it was hard enough for him but beckett got shot? or was it about ryan in the second 3xk episode? JE: Only if you get caught Grunkle Stan: If there are no cops around, anything's legal

Bro don't just wipe the drive, destroy it too. He's a cop, he knows how to destroy evidence

"friend of mine" "you need to help me"

Only 17! Wow

Legal team? Johanna beckett?

Ryan all frustrated Knows the name of officer Hoban

All this detectiving, love it

Course it was a burner lmao I love how ryan is using his desk & esposito's at the same time, he is wheeling between computers rolling between lol

SMITH THAT'S THE NAME & LOOK HE'S THERE

She just broke down his door? she has a personal gun? (I can see that) NO MAN'S DEAD QUICK TAKE IT OUT OF THE FIRE if maddox only JUST was here putting the stuff in the fire, then he might still be nearby HE;S ALIVE

you're right she is not safe...

86? like when you have no more product to make a dish to sell? My chef brain lol. Could be like "86th street & xyz avenue" but he was too out-of-it to finsih his sentence

RC: No. smith is too smart to only keep one copy and in his apartment. He’s too careful for that. It’s…it’s a code, and the answer’s here somewhere. Sh'es right, y'all ought to run Yes, if there is a straw you SHOULD grasp.

Does he own the whole building? Firebox safe? Wow they already found it? lmao that was fast

WAIT IS THAT THE BOX THAT WE SAW AT THE END OF S3? THE ONE MONTY SENT STUFF TO?

Why didn't maddox find it first? he was here first

CM: Turn around. Hands behind your back. Why behind your back? I'd say hands up, visible, or on your head. After that, then I'd suggest turning so you are facing away from me/CM & then the hands were to be behind their backs

Steals her gun (like ryan?)

This is a floor safe? oh wait no that's why he's here he followed them! why doesn't he kill them?

Me, a fiddler, we carry zip nail clippers ok first of all that is a very loose zip tie also don't y'all know how to get out of zip ties/duck tape?

RC: If we got murdered right now, I’d feel so ripped off!

JE out of nowhere: Done what four years ago?

Nice, his name still is CM, cedric marks, cole maddox, perfect for me to type

How did u put a bolo out & have a uniform spot it & tell u? u'r on leave

Nice shoes & ankle gun lmao RC: Nice. What about for me? JE, surprised & angry: Oh, you mean an extra extra piece?

that is typically not how opening a safe works

He's still moving tho lmao they can't see him aim over his shoulder? (which,, u can't aim)

Espt grabbed becks out one way, now she's on the other side?

JE: ... He’s gone.

VG: So, let me see if I understand. As luck would have it, you three were in the neighborhood taking a walk?

VG: I am not interested, Mr. Castle, as you specialize in fiction.

Maddox is there because he was trying to kill beckett & then he was close to her when he died, duh

RC: Bad karma JE: *hits him*

Ryan KNOWS it is the file & is still keeping their secret!

Why would smith tell castle where the file is if it was just going to blow up?

*gives beckett a beer but not castle*

I love how they both draw their personal guns & castle grabs a weapon & I'mma clip this * then he just RECOILS & esposito doesn't put down his gun for the longest time

But also that gun is probably loaded & cocked with the safety off bc they expect it to be someone trying to kill them,, that's dangerous af & then adresses beckett not esposito

montgomery, lockwood, other names... I should do a puzzl e today also nice music

Yeah well I got ending balance <3

It's been five hours? Ages long

you still remember the password? They didn't change it? Nice dirty bomb episode callback

Dang this man is a politician?? lmao this is insane

KB: And then he realized that he couldn't charge mobsters because they wouldn't testify and then the cops would walk. KR: So instead, he decided to get in on the action. If they were collecting ransom from mob guys, he wanted a taste in the form of cash money orders.

It is SO late at night probably, why r they calling him? Let's say it was 5pm when they cracked out the beers & ryan arrived, so it is 10pm, not /that/ late ig...

Why did this cop let these two in?

How does he breathe out through his nose if he has a thing in it?

What favour did he do? not just murder becks. Not just the murder of your mom.

Good idea. Disappear.

Becks using her interrogation skills

How long have they had that phone call outside?

What kind of encouragement?

that was NOT dispatch babe

What if that was HIM disappearing, NOT him getting assassinated

I love the way we see her reflection in the TV

ofc they were disabled

Why does ryan have TWO teams? Someplace she'll be safe but b'y what abt your family

Wow interesting picture thing there,,, like murdoch's brain oof that picture switch was good

Aww she put him up in her bed

Nice sit straight upright with that musical sting or w/e it is

I did- I DO ryan's jacket gives him a good waist. espt's outfit is great too GOSH RYAN STEPPED INTO THE LIGHT & DANG HE PRETTY

ryan's badge number is 42344 for all u fanfic writers

Espt looks at castle as if he's the reason becks is going after him

thought that camera was a gun for a sec Hastings <3 But doesn't she know becks is on admin leave & also quit? Love love love the music

Ryan running thru with his badge

Monty really loved her

She slipped her phone in his pocket? no someone else's phone, a cheap burner or smth love his ring

Why is she revealing her location to him

He's right, probs shouldn't ring that bell but also what if ryan was just looking smth up? & becks has had an hour head start, if she wanted to kill him, she may have already done so unless she's planning on hiding the body well & destroying evidence

Your frigging arm, first names, & then he gives espt his phone bc he knows he doesn't trust himself with his phone or smth idk bro or he knows espt doesn't trust him

"ms beckett" ooh this is the private meeting with the donor lol WB: Never expect that from a politician

Is this story even true? I mean... yeah I can see that but did you do that?

I mean,, that may be true but u also killed a bunch of ppl & are killing more to cover it up? Oooooh that music, it was written backwards He's really good at this, he knows this, he really is a politician, he is good at talking. Hitler & trump & those guys might be way off the side but they were good at speaking

He's right tho, it is not about the power, & also didn't he just say if she had the file she wouldn't need him to say the truth?

She memorized it?

you don't know the details of smith's arrangement tho, don't say you want to make that your deal now!!! Or anyone I care about <3 (also good on her in this bluff) She's right... He really is intimidated...

Nah facial wounds heal well... I have a cut on my nose & it has been like maybe four to six & a half years & it is basically gone, I can barely see it even if I'm looking

btw her outfit is nice

Castle if she killed him u would have heard the shot

Was she putting a ring on just there?

the gift that keeps on giving

KB: I…I don’t know. VG, calmly: I don’t believe you. VG: You’re covering for someone, and I know who it is. But I don’t intend to dig up the past and tarnish Roy Montgomery’s reputation. The fact is, I…I admire your loyalty. I hope you feel that for me someday.

KB: Well, I have to serve out my suspension, same as Esposito. ((So true)) RC: What are you gonna do in the meantime? KB: Oh, I’m pretty sure I’ll think of something. *feels him up below the camera but the elevator doors are still open*

ok I am trying rly hard to get thru these eps in only an hour & a half or less bc I need to give back the DVDs too soon

[bylertruther]

what do you think about will's line "you make [me] feel like [I'm] not a mistake at all" coming after the rain fight? he was devastated by the rain fight and thought of himself as stupid because of what mike said to him about not liking girls. he also destroyed castle byers because he was so hurt by mike's words. how does that fit into will's perception of mike as someone who has never made him feel like a mistake and who makes him feel better for being different?

(I really hope this ask doesn't come across as anti-mike or anti-byler bc I love mike and I love the ship so much, I'm just trying to understand how will's clear hurt after the rain fight and the distance from mike in lenora connects to the van scene and I'm asking you because you seem to have a good grasp on will's character)

warning: this is Extremely Long and i am Extremely Sorry, but the rain fight and what it means for their characters is one of my favorite things to talk about ever and so i have So Many Things to say abt it. sorry i lov u don't bite me pls.

no, i think it's totally fair to ask that! seriously, don't worry at all about how you come across. i don't agree with the idea that liking something = never acknowledging its flaws, so i'm always down to discuss stuff like this. i'm going to dive deep into my interpretation of the rain fight, because i feel i need to express that first in order to answer your question fully.

if i'm honest, back when it aired, the rain fight was what 100% struck down any microscopic crumb-of-a-crumb of hope that i had for byler in Any capacity, platonic or not. i finished the season and then didn't give a single shit about the show as a whole afterward, because i felt like it was such a slap in the face. not only to will, but mike, too, considering this is a character that's stood by will's side against all sorts of monsters, whether they were middle school homophobic bullies or eldritch monsters.

at the time, it was exceedingly difficult to reconcile the mike i loved and the mike i was seeing on screen, but i feel a little more clear on it now. i could be totally wrong, clouded by my own bias and perception, but here's how i see it all.

the rain fight hurt me more than anything in the entire show, because of how real it is and how neither of them are objectively wrong.

mike is in his very first relationship. it's shiny, exciting, and new. he's kissing all day, getting a rise out of authority figures, and having enough fun that he spends All of his time with her. it's not a serious relationship, but he's a kid, el is the first girl ever that isn't repulsed by him, they have an Insane trauma bond, and she's his "superman". it's not serious but it's Serious 2 Him, you know? he feels like a Big Boy now and he hides from his Very Bad Do-NOT-Touch-Or-EVER-Think-About Trauma behind this relationship. it makes him feel like he's moving forward.

will is feeling a similar sense of exhilaration and freedom. the gate was closed and the upside down has fled their world for good. hooray! he can finally be a teen again! he can finally be his version of Normal now, aka the will he was before the upside down! no more now memories, true sight, or fear that Something will come to get him, whether physically or mentally. he's a hostage unchained basically. it's summer, he has his party, and he just wants to have a good time with them. he just wants to be happy, live a little, and feel safe.

mike is seeking safety and reprieve in a girlfriend and will is seeking safety and reprieve in his friends.

but then...

mike's turning point:

mike is told that if he wants to continue to see el, he has to lie to her. so he does and then his Serious 2 Him relationship is over in a very unserious blink of an eye lol. he doesn't know how to win her back, because he doesn't actually know her, and he's understandably upset because he Wants To Have A Girlfriend Again because she's his Crutch.

he Needs her to feel Normal, but she does Not need him, which canonically makes him jealous. remember that this is something Super Important to his character, because having a girlfriend means he's Cool and Normal and Needed, which are more important than water and food to mike right now. i reiterate this, because that's mike's Entire Thing Since Forever. he Needs to keep up the act, because he doesn't like who he is without it as we learn in s4. he Needs it, desperately.

as such, this has him out of sorts and he seeks out lucas's help to win her back. we know mike, which means we know that he can get tunnel vision when he fears he might lose someone. so, this aggravates his already-negligent behaviors ("i was worrying too much about el" [paraphrased], "it's been like this all summer") and he turns into a Super Shitty Friend.

... i was going to go over will's turning point, but his journey is pretty clear, i think. everyone has a girlfriend and they all want to do girlfriend activities and they canonically forget about him in the process. he's there and yet no one sees him. ouch. lets fast forward to the fight.

will has reached his breaking point, because this campaign he's worked so hard on and is putting genuine effort into to make engaging for his friends is being treated like a joke. they're not laughing with him; his friends, his best friends are laughing at him. and that fucking Hurts. he's been trying to get them to do things they used to do, he's been trying to have fun with them in any capacity, and now that they're here... he's the fucking joke of the hour and they're quite literally jumping up and running at any opportunity to cast him aside.

so, you know what? fine. whatever. you guys win; i give up. have fun with the girls. i'm going home. lucas is shocked to the point of speechlessness at how upset will is, but mike immediately jumps into action. he softens, tries to go back to the game in earnest this time with lucas, and goes after him - almost trampling lucas - when his pleas are ignored.

will was invisible (to all, to mike) until he wasn't. (something about being careful what you wish for..?)

now, we fast forward again to the moment when will's heart is torn in two: "it's not my fault you don't like girls!"

first, let me say this: michael wheeler is a fucking bitch. we know this and we love him for it even when it hurts. that was a shitty thing to say, but... that does not make him The Shittiest Boy Alive, Ever. not even a little bit.

in season three, mike is a teenager behaving like a teenager. he felt ambushed by will's feelings and like it wasn't fair that this was all on him. ("you're the heart / without heart, we'd all fall apart"; again, the party is his responsibility, "but why is this all on me? why am i the bad guy?"; mike always has to be the leader, carrying the party on his back, but he himself doesn't get to unwind which is unfair in his eyes.) he isn't privy to will's journey like we are; he's caught up in his own world and his own shit, remember? he doesn't react super well, but will is yelling at him, very upset over something He Didn't Even Know He Was Doing All This Time ("you knew she was having trouble for a year and didn't tell me" aka this is where the "will doesn't tell mike the truth until it's too late" pattern begins), and telling him that he's the one ruining the party over some stupid girl, aka his (ex-)girlfriend, aka the girl that saved their lives, aka the girl that saved the Entire world twice so maybe don't call her stupid, will. (mike always sticks up for people, so of course he isn't going to react well to el being called stupid here, even by will.)

he shouldn't have said it, but mike is knee-jerk, cornered-animal reacting to will putting this all on mike's shoulders at the very last second after never having given him a chance to fix any of his actions. will bottled this all up and then exploded on him. of course mike isn't going to react well. of course he's going to put his foot in his mouth and say the first thing that comes to mind.

because in his mind, it really isn't his fault that will doesn't like girls lol. and it isn't HIS sole fault that the party is falling apart. not everything has to land on HIS shoulders. not everything has to be HIS responsibility.

he's a kid going through his own shit, that's lashing out at someone for lashing out at him first. it was shitty, it hurt will to his core, but i don't think mike meant to be cruel. he immediately backed down, tried to explain himself rationally (that they're all just changing and will should've expected that bc it's not like they can be the same kids forever), and then went after will (literally across town, on bikes, in the pouring rain and thunder, to his house and then to castle byers) to apologize.

he doesn't do this with anyone else—not even lucas or his own girlfriend. and when he does apologize? it's because someone is forcing him to, walking him through it, or because they did it first. mike doesn't ever make the first move or humble himself first... unless it's will. then he suddenly knows exactly what to do and what will needs from him. because he knows will and he listens to will.

everything that he did for will in that scene is precisely, word-for-word, what max told eleven that he'd do for her In The Same Episode just moments prior—but he didn't. he didn't!

he did everything he was "supposed to" without guidance or hesitation or headassery... for will.

when eleven confronts mike in season four and tells him he never says i love you, mike responds, very seriously, with "i say it." and you know what? i agree with him wholeheartedly.

mike loves will more than anyone. we're shown very clearly from the very beginning that the only person in the show that rivals his love, devotion, and loyalty for will is joyce. and will knows this! that's why mike is his bestest best friend! that's why he's hopelessly in love with him! because "max, dustin, and lucas, they're great..." but they're not mike! no one treats will the way mike does, and mike doesn't treat anyone the way he treats will! they're perfect for each other and will knows this! that's why he expected and wanted a future with mike!

and... he thought that mike wanted that, too. because THAT'S the crux of the rain fight. it isn't that will is gay. it's that will thought mike wanted Crazy Together, too! it's right there in the dialogue, what it is that they're really fighting about:

MIKE: I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never going to get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives? WILL: Yeah. I guess I did. I really did.

the fight is representative of an amalgamation of things and it cuts will's life into yet another before and after, but the point isn't that will doesn't like girls. the point was that will really thought it was always going to be them together—he thought they both wanted that; that that would be the one thing that never changed, even if they and everything else around them did.

when will is looking at a picture of them and saying "stupid.. so stupid" and RIPS IT DOWN THE MIDDLE BETWEEN HIM AND MIKE, with the memories that Start And End With Mike And His Voice Being The Focal Point, i interpret it as him feeling stupid enough to think that his feelings, his wants, and his dreams were ever reciprocated. stupid enough to believe that mike really did mean crazy together in every single way. that he meant it the way that will meant it and had always meant it.

mike is the one that brings up forever and will confirms it. he says yes, i did want that with you and i thought you wanted it, too. their argument ends there, because THAT was the real issue. You Got A Girlfriend And Replaced Me With Her; Something I Never Thought We Would Do To Each Other. THAT'S (!!!!!) the issue. THAT'S why mike looks so devastated afterward. THAT'S why he bikes in the rain to apologize. THAT'S why he looks so sheepish when will puts his dnd book in the donation box, why he's worried that Will Is Going To Replace Him With Someone Else!!! because their rain fight was about the fact that it was no longer him and mike against the world!! mike got a girlfriend and broke their unspoken promise!!

THAT'S why mike repeats "we're friends. we're. friends." at rink-o-mania, why he tried calling him all the time for Months (he felt like he'd lost will the same way that will felt like he'd lost mike last summer, their roles were perfectly and exactly reversed here), why he said that hawkins wasn't the same without him / there's no one like you, why he said they should be a team again (an Us, a We, Crazy Together; curiously after his gf breaks up with him lmao). it's the same fight all over again. "i lost you" / "i'm right here." + "friends... best friends." / "not possible." it's always about loss with these two.

that's why i feel like the rain fight doesn't contradict will's van confession. i think will's line of thinking is that mike can't help how he feels; aka, "i can't blame him for not returning my feelings / outgrowing our childhood love". and him not returning will's feelings doesn't make will feel like a mistake.

what made will feel like a mistake was his desire to go back to how things were and the realization that that was impossible. will tears down castle byers because it's too full of everything he once had and he learned the hard way that There Is No Going Back, There Is Only Going Forward. the theme of s3 is about change and will realizes this in the most heartbreaking way possible.

i hate the idea of anyone reconstructing castle byers, because the point is that will outgrew it. he can't hide through escapism in dnd or in castle byers. he has to build a life that he loves and feels safe enough in that he Doesn't Need a castle byers. (that's why s4 has him coming out of his shell wrt his sexuality and wanting to be open and honest about it as much as he can be with the ones that he loves and trusts, and he'll continue/conclude that journey in s5).

in season three:

mike learns that he doesn't Need eleven (see: how happy he was with will especially at the end, seemingly on good terms, and giddy still as he told el abt them coming over for christmas [note how he mentioned playing games in their basement for the rest of their lives in their fight vs how he's making plans to have them both over so they can play with their gifts {aka he's still thinking of will bc he Wants that future with him, too, deep down}]) ... until she kisses him, tells him she loves him, and then his brain breaks and all hell breaks lose again because the byers are literally leaving in just a couple minutes so how the FUCK is he going to deal with any of that, AND THEN in s4 when he does seem okay with being broken up with again he's then 1) reminded that she's his responsibility and 2) he needs to save her because if he doesn't then the world literally goes to hell and they all fucking die. so. yanno. that's tough. mike takes two beautiful steps forward and then gets pulled fifty steps back every time.

and will learns that hiding is not the same thing as living and that he needs to stop that if he wants to be able to move forward (see: "he's good at hiding", using dnd as an escape vs him giving away his dnd books + hopper's letter and the cave metaphor + being more open in s4 and wanting to "come clean" about being gay + the gay-coded advice he gives mike abt truth and fear).

mike definitely hurt him, but that's one moment out of a million where he's otherwise made will feel strong, loved, and capable, and will has told us that much himself more than once. will doesn't fault mike for wanting something else, someone else. he loves him without any expectation of it being reciprocated in that way.

he loves him, just because; because mike has always loved him and shown him a kindness and mercy like no other; because mike has known what he is and loved him anyway; because mike came to him and told him he didn't deserve anything after their fight, that hawkins wasn't the same without him, that the past year was weird without him, that he's more to mike than any of their other friends even after all this time, that they should be a team again as they face the end of the world together without superman's help.

because no matter what... they always love each other in a way that no one else does. even if will wants more than that, even if he aches with it, he still knows that what he has with mike is so special as it is. and that's enough for him.

mike didn't treat him any differently when their biggest concern was some mouthbreather calling him a fairy and he didn't treat him any differently after the upside down when everyone walked on eggshells around him, thinking he was about to break. mike has always treated him like a person that is strong and loved, and one sentence in the middle of a fight during a very stressful time for both of them doesn't diminish a history bursting with love.

i think what will fears isn't mike knowing he's gay, but mike knowing how will actually feels about him. i say this, because of the van confession and this line of will's in particular:

Sometimes I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel, especially to people you care about the most. Because, what if… what if they don't like the truth?

this is played with the [tender, emotional music] which we know the sound directors used for intimate moments. will is also gauging mike's reaction here, giving him a searching kind of look, like he's testing the waters. will doesn't know this, but we as viewers know that this is a conversation about mike not being able to tell eleven he loves her. it isn't a reach to say then that will is talking not about being gay, but specifically about "how [he] really [feels]" about mike. that's what scares him: his unreciprocated crush, not his sexuality.

the duffers have said that will is trying to make himself be understood in the van scene and that will cries because mike doesn't get it. if he thought that mike was a homophobe, he wouldn't want to share this about himself. instead, mike makes him feel better for his otherness in all its shades. he wants to tell mike, because he wants to be honest with him and release some of that burden from his chest. but he's scared. he's so, so unbelievably fucking scared.

because, it's exactly as will says: "what if [he doesn't] like the truth?" what if that ruins the friendship that they just rebuilt? what if eleven finds out and then it's Even More Weird and Uncomfortable for everyone involved?

and considering how self-sacrificing will is... i feel like that's his other biggest concern regarding that entire clusterfuck. he loves them both. he doesn't want to hurt them or come between what he Thinks they have, because that'd be selfish and will isn't ever selfish even when he should be.

will's line about mike making him feel better for being different has canon support from season one and two. mike's outburst in season three is an outlier in his otherwise spotless record of loving will byers to an unhinged degree. even in season four, we see that mike never stopped reaching out to will. it was will who never reached out and mike was understandably upset about that, but even then he did try to include will afterward only to get iced out which "sabotaged the whole day" in his eyes. will didn't know this, though, and that's why he behaved the way that he did. still, will knows who mike is when he's not pretending and he wants mike to know who he is when he's not hiding. the rain fight hurt will indescribably, yes, but not because of the "it's not my fault you don't like girls" line in the way that it's understandably interpreted. so... i think it all fits together just fine.