#please tell me someone gets the 3:1 for the blue and red

[nutria--oscura]

H̸͈̠̟͔̮͕̖̣̻̐͂̓̎͊̄̄̃̚Ě̸͎̎̔͘Y̶̧̧̜̟͈͓̯͐̓̍̆͝ͅ ̵̧̗̰̂͝D̷̡̛̼̤͎͎̯̞͋ͅṲ̷̖̙̟̤̫̩͚̌͐͐̉̌̾͂̃̕Ď̶̡͐̀̍̂̓̒̓̎̚É̷̱̝̗͂̿̀͒̈́̎̃̕͝

textless and traditional drawing under cut

Characteristics:

Lincoln's shirt and cleats (or half of them i guess)

Normal's hoodie and heelys (half od them again)

Scary's skirt and hair style (long + dyed streaks)

Taylor's porkpie hat and pants

Hermie's glasses and burns

Purple hair cause Daddy Magic

Blue and red streaks with a ratio of 3:1

5 eyes of different colours: 1 for each of the teens

hermie is here because he deserves to be <3. he was there. anthony tell us what hermie saw. please. im begging you.

i drew it digital too small and dont know how to export properly so quality is shit which means no close ups :)

[parkerluvsu]

i am always thinking about art getting a little too tipsy and making his way back to his dorm room, only to find out that patricks got another girl in there.. so he makes the familiar trip to your dorm <3

loud knocking echoes through your room, and you're thankful your roommate is on vacation or else you're sure she would complain endlessly. the knocking continues as you check the time. 1:45am. you mumble and yawn and rub your eyes as you walk to the door, opening it slowly and peeking out. there's art, red eyes and flushed cheeks, hair beautifully messed up from the wind outside. he sniffles. "'m sorry i really didn't mean t' wake you up.. jus' need somewhere t'sleep" he murmurs, grabbing onto the edge of your door for support. you welcome him in quickly, leading him like a shepherd leads his sheep to your bed, sitting him down.

"art.. what happened? it's so late" he takes a second to comprehend what you're saying. "well i wen' to this party 'n patrick left to go makeout with some girl.. 'n then these guys started a drinking game 'n wanted me t' join.. so i did and.." he pauses, obviously embarrassed. "'n then i drank too much and threw up on their lawn.. everyone was laughing.." he whines, looking to you as if you can turn back time to save him from humiliation. "oh art.." you look him up and down, his clothes are messed up and dirty, and he looks absolutely exhausted and miserable. "alright um.. here's what ill do, drink some water art, ill try to find you a shirt and some old shorts to wear okay? you can sleep here" you know you worry too much but in his current state you're worried someone might come along and take advantage of him on the walk back to his dorm.

art drains your water bottle like a man dying of thirst, looking up at you with watery eyes when you hand him some clothes. "my old boyfriend left these here so.. they probably fit you, and im sure you wouldn't want to wear my shorts.." art nods, taking the clothes, but in his drunken state he almost remarks that, no, he wouldn't mind wearing your shorts, the ounce of connection he would feel would be worth the embarrassment. art stumbles up and changes in the bathroom, you hear him knocking around in there for almost ten minutes before he emerges, pulling up the shorts that are almost falling off of his lean frame. with your help, he gets into bed, letting you tuck him in, in such a caring way that makes arts heart beat faster. "im just gonna be over in my roommates bed okay? sleep well art" you can tell that he wants to say something, but after a second he just nods his head and pulls the covers around him.

art lasts about 10 minutes before he's softly calling your name, half hoping you're already asleep so you won't reject him. to his (un)happiness, you turn over in bed, meeting his eyes across the room. "what's up?" you ask, smiling at the familiar whispering across the room that reminded you of many sleepovers as a child. "i- um can you just come over here?" he asks. you sigh, getting out of bed and quietly padding over to your bed. "i can't sleep" art states. you look at your clock placed on your desk, "well it has only been ten minutes art.. just give yourself some time." you turn to walk away but art grabs your wrist. "no.. um.. can you stay in this bed tonight?" if you weren't listening as hard as you would you wouldn't be able to hear the near-whisper that comes out of his mouth. "please?" he whines, looking up at you with those pathetic blue eyes of his. you can't help but agree, crawling in bed behind him, adjusting your pillow. "thank you" art squeaks out, curling up on himself.

now it's you who can't last ten minutes. looking at art, alone and sad tugs at your heartstrings, triggering an almost maternal care for him that you're sure will be problematic later. you move art so that his head is now placed on your shoulder, his warm steady breaths hitting the side of your neck. before you can think about it, your hand comes down to rub his back softly, reflecting that it always helped you fall asleep quick when your mother would do it. you feel arts eye lashes flutter against you as his eyes droop, body melting into yours as sleep takes over his body. you fall asleep only minutes later, secretly wishing that patrick would kick art out of his dorm more often <3

[bellatrixscurls]

two ghosts | part 1

pov : lily rejects james many times, until he finally gives up. but y/n and sirius are there for him, in more ways than one.

warnings : smut (next part), mentions of ex!bully!james, fluff (it probably sucks cus i only know how to write smut), sub jamie if you squint, pet names, established relationship between reader and sirius. please lmk if there are more! <3

part two

“I’m telling you, sweetheart. It’s nothing your pretty cunt can’t fix” Sirius winks at you, shoving a piece of bread in his mouth, causing you to roll your eyes. He obviously notices, as he is sat across from you, and smirks.

Remus is eyeing you both suspiciously, and clears his throat. “I can think of more situations you,” he looks at you and you blush slightly in embarrassment, “cannot fix. So what is it now?”

Sirius giggles like a little kid, and you shake your head, your cheeks way too red by now. “I think Prongs needs some.. relief. Poor thing is so crabby these days, and it’s all because of that stupid mudblood.”

“Sirius!” you shriek, kicking his foot under the table. “Okay, alright! I was just looking for something bad to say about her.”

Remus rolls his eyes and Peter places his fork down, blue eyes wide as he stares at you, clearly interested. “What do you mean by relief? I mean, he’s been refusing to tell me what’s wrong and yes, he is acting a bit strange, but I can’t think of anything that could help him. Unless you want to get him a date with Evans, which is not an option.”

Peter’s speech leaves all of you speechless. You’ve looked at the situation as more of a joke, not realising how sweet Jamie turned to grumpy, fussy James. “I mean, not that I would want to get him a date with that one” Sirius scoffs, his hands raising in surrender as you and Remus glare at him.

“And why would that be, Sirius?” you find it’s your turn to tease him, to which he scoffs again, giving you an wide-eyed look when he spots James approaching the ton of you.

His head is a mess of curls that bounce furiously as he walks messily, his eyes are bigger than usual and his face seems to scream ‘I’m tired!’. His clothes, surprisingly, are not wrinkled. Well, it’s a surprise to anyone but you, cus you are the one who prepared them for him the night before.

“Morning” his voice is thick with sleep, barely gazing at you as he wraps an arm around your shoulders, squeezing you into his side only for a few seconds. “Thank you for taking care of me” he says softly, obviously referring to his robe, shirt and trousers.

Your eyebrows shoot up, clearly surprised by the little gesture, and the guys seem to be as surprised, if not more than you are. “No bother, Jamie.”

The atmosphere in the common room is tense, and you all can sense it. Even James.

“You can talk to me, you know” he scoffs, slightly annoyed as he looks up for merely a second, eyeing Sirius, and his face somehow softens.

Sirius looks at him sadly. “We are worried about you, we don’t want you to lose yourself just because some red-headed chick doesn’t want you.”

And then, you all know that he screwed up.

James stands up abruptly, and looks down at Sirius, his usually gentle blue eyes now a few shades darker. “She’s not- You don’t know what it feels like, Sirius” he calls him by his first name, not Pads, and not Siri, and you can see Sirius’ face soften and his bottom lip jutting out just slightly. “You’ve found Y/n a long time ago, and even before you didn’t have a problem with girls ever refusing you. You don’t know how it feels.”

You all fall silent, your hand coming up to gently rub at his back, his head leaning into your neck as he nuzzles against your skin. “We just want our Jamie back, honey. I promise you so many other people in this school want you for you.”

“You promise?” he looks at you with those doe eyes that always make you melt.

“I do. And maybe it’s best that you didn’t get with Lily, who knows what would’ve happened. I promise there is someone there for you.”

By the end of your speech, you can only hear James hum softly as you continue to rub his back. A few minutes pass by, and Remus whispers to you, letting you know that James is sleeping. And so you sit more comfortably against the sofa, allowing yourself to rest for a little bit as well.

♥︎

Shifting pulls you from your deep slumber only a few hours later, and you find your arms empty, no trace of James anywhere. You sigh softly as you move to stand up, taking the blanket, that you were not aware was there, with you.

“Sweetheart, you’re awake” Sirius beams when you stand up, and you almost have a heart attack when you hear his voice, being pulled away from your thoughts.

You turn to look at him, lazily dragging yourself and finally throwing yourself into his arms, the boy taking that as a sign to sit down, with you still in his arms. “I missed you” you smile into his chest, engulfed by his intoxicating scent. He smells like he always does, but to you, it’s much more than that.

“Me too, sweetheart” he kisses your forehead, his eyes closing and so do yours.

But little do you know, James is watching the two of you the entire time, and his heart drops and swells at the same time. He wants that, but he is glad that his best friends have it.

♥︎

The next day, you walk with Sirius, hand in hand, towards your Herbology class. He is telling you about his new partner in partner in Potions when you spot James leaning against the wall, talking to Lily.

“Siri, he’s doing it again” you pout, looking up at your boyfriend as he looks in their direction, his eyes darkening at the sight.

“Oh fuck” he swears under his breath, and you frown. “I can’t hear him cry for the entire night again, breaks my heart” he gulps and you brush your hand against his cheek gently, making him look st you.

“Maybe it won’t be that bad. Maybe he is okay now” you try to reason with him and he seems to soften for a moment, not long though, cus James is messily walking away from Lily, his eyes red and lips puffy. You look back at him, his eyes not once leaving yours as he walks away, heading towards the Gryffindor Tower.

“Yeah, he seems pretty content” Sirius scoffs to himself, running one of his hands through his hair as the other holds your waist.

“Bring him to my dorm” you tell him, your eyes widening before you continue. “I- I mean, both of you. We can take care of him, make sure he doesn’t feel alone and maybe forgets what happened for the night.”

Sirius looks at you like you are his Moon, the one who always brightens his path when it gets dark. I mean, he’s told you that before.

“You are a genius!”

♥︎

After classes, you went to find James, but found him in the worst situation you thought possible.

He is with Lily. Meanwhile the red-head is reading her book on the sofa, James is knelt in front of her, gently tugging at her delicate arm, but she pays him no mind. “Lily, I just- please, just a date, just one” he whispers softly, not wanting to disturb her more than he already does.

She rolls her eyes, and sighs. “James, I don’t know how many times to tell you that I’m not interested” she says sadly, and you can see his bottom lip quivering. “I don’t.. you were mean to my friends, James. Mean to me. For a very long time, and even though it was long before you liked me, I can’t” she finally confesses, cupping his cheek with her palm.

Your eyes widen and so do James’.

He lets out a soft ‘oh’ and quickly wipes his tears, baby blue eyes blinking in shock. He didn’t know.

“Oh okay... Okay then, that’s fine” he nods frantically, slowly standing up from his knees and brushing his hands over his robe. “I’m sorry, Lily” you see him pout slightly before he practically runs away.

You wait until Lily stands up and finally follow James upstairs, not wanting to make it seen like you were eavesdropping. You were, but.

Knocking gently on the door, you are met with a muffled and small ‘yes?’

“Jamie, it’s Y/n” you lean your head against the door, your eyes closing as you listen to the shuffling in the room.

Moments later, he opens the door and your shoulders drop when you see his state. He hasn’t been himself for weeks now, but he has never looked this way until now. He looks a mess, and his bed is the same.

“Darling” you frown slightly, not touching him because you don’t know if that’s okay yet. “D’you wanna go to my dorm? You can stay with me tonight, Siri will be there too.”

You try to soothe him, explaining that you will listen to him as much as he needs, but when he hears ‘your dorm’ and ‘Siri’, his ears perk up and he starts nodding fervently, grabbing his blanket and shutting the door behind him.

You give him a small smile before you guide him to your dorm, where your boyfriend is waiting for you. He probably doesn’t expect you to manage to get James to come, so his eyes widen a little bit when he sees him, but he clears his throat and stands up from your couch, greeting you. Sirius’ arms snake around your waist as he gives you a sweet peck on the lips, before he moves to James.

The bespectacled boy’s back is glued to the door, sitting there timidly as he tries not to look at you both, but he fails miserably. “Hi there, Prongsie” Sirius teases him and James smiles a genuine smile, his eyes closing as Sirius brings him into his arms, the long-haired’s boy scent just as intoxicating as it is to you.

“Do you want to talk to us, babe? Tell us what happened?” you quip as you take James’ hand in yours and you usher him to sit on your perfectly made bed, the sheets soft beneath him.

He looks up at you, then at Sirius, and sighs softly. “I used to be a bully” he confesses, as if it is a secret, “And ‘s why she doesn’t like me... Lily.”

Sirius’ grimace is more than present on his face. He remembers those times, up until third year, when he met you. You’ve changed him, and them, for that matter. James has always been a sweet boy, but he used to think that he was superior to the others. Not now, though.

“That was way too long ago, though. We were kids” Sirius whispers defeatedly, he knows that’s not an excuse.

“I was terrible” James says and a sob catches in his throat. Your heart almost breaks and then you understand what Sirius meant when he said that James crying made his own heart break. “I regret that, I don’t want to ever do that again.”

You pout, inching your hand closer to his as you slowly caress it, your eyes moving from him to your boyfriend. “It’s been age, Jamie” Sirius speaks softly, “you have changed, that’s not you anymore. Sure, you cannot erase your past, but you cannot let it define you either. That’s. not. you.”

James looks up at him with hope, and Sirius grins widely. “Look at you, you are the sweetest boy I’ve ever met. So pretty as well” Sirius’ tatted hand cups James’ soft, pale cheek and the younger boy melts against his skin. “Yeah?” he breathes, batting his eyelashes at Sirius, who nods proudly.

But when Sirius notices that James’ hand is moving up his thigh, he removes his hand from his hand from his cheek and stands up, walking towards a smaller chest of drawers, where you keep his clean clothes for when he comes over.

James’ breath hitches and tears start pooling at his eyes. He tries to be quiet, but you are still beside him and hear it. “What is it, sweet boy?” you ask, frowning.

He just shakes his head, burying his face into your soft pillow. “M sorry” he sobs, his tears most definitely soaking your pillow.

“Sorry?” you ask and he hums, still not looking at you. “Tried to touch Siri” he admits, “you have.. you’ve just been so good to me, I-”

“Oh, love, I’m not upset with you. I mean, who wouldn’t want to touch Siri?” you joke and he giggles softly, lifting his head from the pillow.

“Okay I’m back and I got you my shirt and this pair of boxers, I hope they fit you- Hey, why are you crying?”

─

next part will probably be just a little bit of fluff and smut, but i thought i’d share this little thought with you guys. i will write the other fic ideas soon, please bear with me <3.

[rifari2037]

The reasons why I believe Zutara is secretly canon

Zutara and Avatar Official

Older Zuko and Katara drawn by the Korean Animation Director of Avatar! Look at their gestures!!

It's not really surprising, though!

"Warriors only show their back to someone they completely and fully trust," someone said.

Zuko and Katara trust each other enough to do that again and again!

Katara never wore flower in her hair, then she wore them in Jasmine Dragon, like out of nowhere??

Ah, apparently Avatar studio answered it. Same flower, same colour!

Are we delusional or are they denial, while ATLA Official Youtube Channel honoured Zutara Week???

Also, it written,"there is an undeniable connection and chemistry between these two elemental opposite that deserves to be recognise and celebrated!"

2. Zutara and The Writers

Joshua Hamilton : I'm Zutara. You know, I'm just originalist. Also Joshua Hamilton : I read the Bible a long time ago and it said they're supposed to get together

3. Zutara and ATLA Chibi

Yes, this is the thumbnail!! Also, they are soooo in love in ATLA chibi, like...

Sooo, Katara, you think Zuko is cute????

"My heart burns for you!" yeah, literally!!

4. Zutara and Fortnite Bundle

Fortnite knows who the real canon couple is when released Zutara bundle!!! And...

Hug! Hug! Let's hug anywhere!!!

...and love!!!

5. Zutara and The Actors

Really??? Put them side by side and let them pose like this??? Really??

Red and blue dresses? Sun and moon earrings? Don't tell me that isn't Zutara code!!!

The Question : Does Zuko like Katara in Avatar? Dallas Liu : (Smiling suspiciously) Is not a no, but is not a yes!

Couldn't they have been more clear? They could have said, "Zuko doesn't like Katara because they're enemies!"

I mean they're enemies in Season 1, right?? Right???

Why is the answer so clearly that Aang and Katara just like family relationship, but not for Zuko and Katara? Why???

6. Zutara and NATLA

Are you kidding me??? This scene is not necessary, at all, but Zutara crumbs is way important, so here we go!!!!

Dang! I'm about to upload another (a lot actually) Zutara crumbs, but I've reached my maximum limit! Too much Zutara in NATLA!

Zutara-Antis : Of course NATLA gives its fans lots of Zutara crumbs, otherwise they wouldn't watch it!

Actually, that's the point. If Zutara is unpopular or secretly canon, why would NATLA bother giving fans so many crumbs? Why not other couples?

If other couples are more popular, shouldn't NATLA be more worried about losing more fans?

7. Zutara and Video Fanmade

I LOVE THIS!!! I LOVE THIS!!! I LOVE THISSS!!!

Zuko : (Holding Katara's hand) Katara... Katara : (Healing Zuko's wound) You're not going anywhere...

And they're stick together!

8. Zutara and Children's Storybook

Yes, Zutara chemistry and relationship development is so beautiful, it is even written in a children's story book..

Beautiful.. So beautiful..

NB : I got this picture a long time ago, I forgot who owns it. Please, please, if this picture is yours or if anyone knows the source, please let me know!

Come on, guys, give me more proof that Zutara is secretly canon!! I'm sure there's more!!!

[scam-alerts]

❗❗Scam Update❗❗

Previously on... 🔎Scam Exam(ination)🔍

Seen as: I would like a commission of my son/pet... Scam Type: Commission Scam

Please read this post for a complete rundown of this scam.

While browsing #scams on tumblr earlier today, I saw a post from the wonderful and very talented @louksna-0 where they were calling out a scam account that seemed to be running the art commission scam.

After messaging them.. I found out something... interesting.

The scammers are now changing their script.

@louksna-0 was kind enough to answer some questions and help explain their interactions with this scammer with me, and even provided me with some screenshots which I'll show you all as well.

----------

Part 1 - How it start(s/ed)

Note: @louksna-0 has told me that due to being blocked, they cannot access their conversation with this scammer, but they were kind enough to detail their conversation with me to the best of their ability. :)

@scam-alerts: When this person messaged you for a commission, what did they ask you to draw? What was your response, and what sort of images did they provide?

@louksna-0: They asked me to draw two cartoon portraits of a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair, it was 2 photos, but the second seemed to be taken from a video, not a photo itself. I told her alright, the two were separate drawings, one for $18, the other $20. $38 in the end. She started pressuring me for the details of the commission to get the process finished, being cold and even rude.

@scam-alerts: Did you tell them a price first, or did they offer you money first? Was this amount higher than normal, or was it the price of your commissions?

@louksna-0: I told them the price first, they didn't offer a price to pay. They were pressuring me to tell them the final price.

@louksna-0: I say them because although the profile seems like a girl. Her account of PayPal, email confirmation and Tumblr were all different. So I can't really say their gender. Her profile said Elizabeth, her email said mayes Mary, and her PayPal account said Margaret castro.

These were the screenshots provided to me:

image 1 - The scammer getting very persistent in having @louksna-0 check their spam email for confirmation that the money was sent.

image 2 - The different names that appear on the PayPal, blog, and email (in that order.)

Image 3 - A screenshot of the fake email. (the same exact one that can be seen in the previous scam exam(ination) report.

Image 4 - This one is.. odd. @louksna-0 says that this was sent to them by the same email with a request telling them to send a refund, yet it has a very odd and fishy looking link. (they did not click on it.)

----------

Part 2 - Examining the Evidence

From what it looks like, the scam is pretty much the same 'I want you to draw my <thing>' scam except now they've switched from:

can you draw my son / daughter / pet. to can you draw this cartoon character*

*They might look at blogs now and see what an artists 'style' is to get a grasp on what an artist can do before trying to run this scam? Since not all artists can draw kids and/or pets? So that might be worth keeping an eye on.

They've also switched from:

Offering you a very large amount of money. to accepting commission prices to seem unsuspicious.

----------

Part 3 - What you should do now

🚩Red flags still present🚩

Blogs sending these asks are either blank or bare in one way in another. Little to no reblogs, maybe 'one' picture or two posted. In this case the scammer just had a picture of a dog that probably isn't even theirs.

They will refuse to pay with any other method than PayPal.

The purpose of asking for your real name and your PayPal email is just so they can make a fake email to scam you.

Stop. Read the email very carefully. Think about what it's asking you.

'you are to send (name) money to expand your account.' You are to send someone money, to get money.

You can't just 'expand' your account by sending another user money. That's not how PayPal works.

Emails from these scammers will always show up in your spam folder because they are not from the real PayPal service. They are 100% fake. Only trust emails about PayPal from a @paypal.com email address. Any email claiming to be from PayPal ending in a gmail/hotmail/yahoo.com address is. a. scam.

Always check your PayPal account via the website or App for issues before responding to someone and certainly before sending anyone money. If you see no issues, there are no issues.

Never click links in an email you get during or after interacting with a stranger when money is involved. If someone asks: 'did you get the email?' Check your spam folder.' Make sure you click the link to fix your account.' It's a scam. And they're probably trying to hack you.

----------

Final thoughts:

Remember, take screenshots and report these users to the websites they are running these scams on. If they DM you on tumblr? Report the DM. If they do it on insta, bsky, twitter or even discord?

Make sure you report them there too.

ALSO: Beware of recovery scammers. This is anyone coming into your DM's telling you they can 'help you get your money back' after you made a post talking about how you got scammed. These scammers are just looking for a quick buck.

I've got a whole post right here talking about what one looks like.

Take care and stay vigilant.

And thanks again to @louksna-0 for being a dear. <3

Other helpful guides on spotting scams. (by @kyra45)

[moonlight-records]

Hiii, I was wondering if I could order a custom 1633 vinyl? I was thinking classical with a hint of jazz. And maybe nr. 1, 19, 22, 24, 26, 33, 36, 42, 46, hits (E) <3

Shots Fired (MV1 x CL16)

pairing: Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc

Prompt: "Don't freak out, please It's not as bad as it looks." "“I can never let you out of my sight." + "Come back, the bed's cold without you."

wc: 4.1k

tags: friends to lovers, married, mafia au, mafia!max, sugar baby!charles, injured!charles, domestic lestappen, smut!! jealous!charles, face sitting, age gap: younger!charles and slightly older!max, daniel is a tired nurse, spare him, max is a simp, liam is jealous, moonie can't write fighting scenes, nothing graphic injury wise, have fun!!

a/n: we're back baby! request are being answered & opened! also red tags are what anon requested, non bold are added from me! also sorry not sorry bout the length!

“Schat! Are you almost done? We have to go!”

Charles jumps and almost smears his lip gloss onto his cheek. He huffs slightly and checks that his lip gloss is good before capping it. He hears the bedroom door open and brings his gaze away from the vanity mirror to his husband walking in. Charles smiles brightly as Max walks towards the vanity. Charles hums when Max gently kisses his forehead before his breath catches as Max’s hand rests on his throat. It’s taking every ounce of self control not to turn and start undoing Max’s belt and drop to his knees and—

“Schat,” Max murmurs into his ear.

Charles shivers harshly as a soft gasp escapes. Charles is trying to think of anything and everything that isn’t about how hot his husband is and how hot and bothered he was getting. Charles lets out a soft groan when Max squeezes his throat for a second before his hand is gone and Charles is left breathless. Opening his eyes, green meets blue and he wants nothing more than to wipe that stupid smirk off his face.

“Hm?” Charles asks finally.

“I asked if you were ready. We have to go.”

“Oh!” Charles snaps out of his haze as he looks back to the vanity. “I’m ready.” He decides and turns to Max with a smile before gently tapping Max’s chest to move back and he does. Charles takes his hand as he stands and giggles when Max pulls him to Max’s chest as Max plants gentle kisses over his face. “Mon chéri, we have to leave.”

Max offers a hum as he leans down to kiss Charles neck. Charles parts his lips gently as his hands find their way to Max’s hair. Tangling his fingers, Charles tilts his head to give Max more access. “Max,” Charles says breathlessly as Max just continues to kiss and nip at Charles neck, grabbing his thigh and hoist it up around his waist. Charles easily wraps it around Max’s waist and groans, feeling Max’s hard on pressing against him. “Max,” Charles manages to say.

“Charles,” Max murmurs as he catches the younger male chin in his fingers as green eyes meet his. He lets his thumb trace under Charles' bottom lip, tempted to show up to this meeting covered in Charles lip gloss all over his face and neck and collar but decides against it. “Promise me you’ll be a good boy for me tonight?”

“I will,” Charles says breathlessly. He leans into Max’s chest a bit more, nails gently scratching Max’s scalp. He grins seeing Max’s eyes flutter for a moment before the grip on Charles’ chin tightens for a moment.

“You remember the rules?”

“Mmmhmm.” Charles slowly unwraps his leg from Max’s waist, “Stay close to you when we enter. Sit next to you. Always have someone with me if I leave the room. Stay with the others if you need to have a solo chat. If I feel uncomfortable during the meeting, sit in your lap and tell you. Say pistachios if I want to go home.” Charles thinks for a moment if there’s any other rules he’s missing before he remembers, “oh! As much as I hate this rule, if things turn ugly to get the fuck out of there as fast and safely as I can.”

“Good boy.” Max grins. He gives Charles a quick peck before forcing himself to peel away from Charles. He grins seeing the blush that crosses upon his husband’s cheeks. “Now come on. Shouldn’t be that long of a meeting.”

The meeting was in fact, not that long before all hell broke loose about twenty minutes in. Charles’ anxiety had been going crazy the second they walked into the warehouse. He knew that Max caught on immediately when Charles clung to Max closer. He tries to reassure the younger male that it was fine and just off because they were meeting at a warehouse and Charles takes a deep breath, nodding in agreement.

Ten minutes later, Charles was digging his nails into his thighs while sitting next to Charles. His original plan was using their code word and going home but Liam was eyeing Max just a bit too much for his liking. Flirty smile, bedroom eyes, only directing his attention to Max. Listen, Charles knew that Max was a catch. He was older, 29 to be exact, compared to Liam and Charles who are 22. Max was not only older but scary and powerful and a man that got what he wanted. Everyone wanted Max either on their side or in their bed.

Though the ladder was out of the question, since Charles and Max were married and Charles made sure Max understood if he tried something stupid like cheating that Charles, though not being in the world of the mafia till recently, would make Max regret his decision. Something that had been instituted since they first started sleeping together even if it was just a sugar baby / sugar daddy arrangement.

Still, now Charles was Max’s husband (a bit conversational in the mafia world but probably because Max was never one to settle down let alone get married) and Charles wore that title with pride so seeing Liam trying all the stops to lure his husband to his bedroom made Charles blood boil. Thankfully, Max wasn’t exactly the brightest when it came to advances and everything went over his head but Charles was hyper aware. Still, Charles continued to dig his nails into his thighs to keep himself stationed from leaping over the table and strangling Liam.

“We’ll be right back.” Max announces as he stands. Charles looks at Max, silently pleading to his husband not to go but Max places a gentle kiss on his forehead, murmuring that he’ll be right back before Max leaves with Daniel and VCARB people. Now it was the rest of VCRAB and RB men lingering around with Charles and Liam.

“Are you done trying to throw yourself at my husband?” Charles finally asks.

“Not like you’re doing much for him.”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean come on, look at you.” Liam gestures, “you’re nothing more than a simple whore. You can’t be convinced that he married you out of love. Red Bull and his father have been pushing for Max to get married. He probably picked the first person to appease them. Won’t be long till he cheats on you with someone in the mafia world.”

“If that was the case, he wouldn’t have kept me around.”

“Oh please, you’re a cheap fuck.” Liam smiles innocently, “of course he’d keep you around.”

Charles stares at Liam and returns the smile. “Is that so? I’m just a cheap fuck?”

“Of course, why else would he keep you around?”

“Because he thinks of me more than a cheap fuck.” Leaning forward, he clasps his hands together. The change in demeanor makes Liam uneasy. Good. “You may not know this but we’ve been seeing each other for about…two and half years. I made it very clear from the start that I was not going to be played a fool. If he wanted nothing more than sex, that was fine. He got what he wanted and I got what I wanted. But,” he holds a hand up before Liam can say ‘I told you so’. “I told him to be honest. I wasn’t going to catch something from him being reckless so if he was seeing someone else, that’s all I needed to know and he held up to his end and I held up to mine. Though all the other people he was sleeping with faded out and yet,” Charles looks around before back at Liam, “I’m still standing.” He holds up his hand, pointing to his wedding band. “And I have a wedding band so.” Charles can see the pure jealously and anger flash through Liam’s eyes and he smiles victoriously, “so, if anyone looks like the cheap fuck here,” leaning in slightly, Charles gives a fake pity look, “It’s you.”

Anger flashes through Liam. He shoots out of his chair and Charles leans back in his quickly. Then men turn before gunshots ring out somewhere else in the warehouse. Everyone instinctively jumps or ducks. Charles hits the floor as shouts start and now gunshots are ringing out closer. The worst time for a fight to break out since he hears gunshots ring out in the room and he looks hearing a body hit the floor. He freezes, seeing the blood ooze from the body and he realizes that not only is he caught in the middle of a shoot out but Liam now has an excuse to kill him.

Like hell would Liam kill him.

Crawling under the table, he sees feet running and too many voices shouting and everyone fighting. He fumbles around and gets a hold of the guy's gun before crawling back. He quickly checks and sees the man never had a chance since it’s loaded before crawling out from under the table. He moves to a crouching position and sees his window to the door which is wide open as the men are either dead or running to find their leaders and Charles tries to run for it before he’s slammed into the wall. Charles groans and catches himself from crumbling to the ground. He leans forward, just missing getting pistol whipped in the head before seeing Liam winding back for another hit.

“I’ll make you regret your words, slut.”

Charles was a lot of things in life. A sugar baby. A prince among Monaco. A cheap fuck when he started out. Fine. But a slut? Charles had very set rules for himself. He only slept with one guy at a time while the other sugar daddies, back when he wanted a married man, were just looking for a friend. But now he wore Verstappen’s ring and name with pride and like fucking hell would he soil the name by being labeled a slut. Charles sees red as he lunches forward tackling Liam to the ground. He’s disarmed but manages to disarm Liam as well as they roll around. He manages to straddle Liam and starts swinging. He’s landing hits, he knows he is, until Liam manages to turn them. Charles tries to block but blood is running on his face now as he manages to catch Liam’s arm and bites. Liam yelps as Charles keeps his grip until Liam yanks his arm away and Charles spits. He got him to bleed and Charles managed to sit up enough to give him the momentum to head butt Liam off of him. Wiggling out from under, he stumbles and smacks his head on the table trying to stand before he stands. His head hurts and he’s dizzy but the sudden pain that shoots through his arm brings him back as he stumbles back against the table, holding his arm.

He’s bleeding and he sees a bruised Liam standing, panting while holding a knife. Shit. It’s now a life or death situation. Liam lunges again and Charles dives out the way. He cries out cause the knife clips his side but doesn’t sink in. Still, it’s a deeper cut than what he wanted as he crumbles to the ground. Scrambling, Charles manages to grab the closest gun by him and he turns, firing. Liam shouts and stumbles back, holding his arm. The knife hits the floor and Charles springs to his feet and swings, gun making contact with Liam’s side. Charles, in a fit of rage and adrenaline rush, just keeps swinging on Liam.

“Charles!”

Charles’ head snaps up, hearing Max. “Charles! Where are you?! Charles!”

Charles stumbles out of the meeting room seeing the dust has settled. Max’s suit is a bit disheveled but he’s fine. Charles relaxes as he stumbles but his pain is settling in. He hisses as he drops the gun to hold his side and five heads turn in his direction, weapons drawn.

“Charles!” Max shouts before snapping at his men to lower their weapons as he rushes over before stopping seeing the state Charles is in.

“Charles—” Max starts, swallowing the lump in his throat as anger rises in him. Charles shouldn’t be hurt. Why was he hurt? Who let him get hurt?

"Don't freak out, please. It's not as bad as it looks."

“I can never let you out of my sight." Max counters. “Charles what the fuck happened? Why didn’t you leave? You’re suppose to leave.”

“Fight broke out in the room.” Glancing back at the unconscious Liam who was in worse shape than Charles, Max follows his gaze. He hears Max’s breath catch as Charles looks back at his husband. “Also, Liam wasn’t really happy when I called him a cheap fuck for trying and failing to get you in his bed.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true!” Charles starts and grits his teeth as the pain is becoming too much, “he swore up and down that you were going to cheat on me and didn’t like me countering all his points so when the fight broke out, at the worse time, he tried to just take me out of the picture and I’d be damned if I let him kill me.”

“Charles—”

“I’m your husband first, sugar baby second.” Charles argues.

“No—I mean yes you’re correct.” Max starts as he’s carefully wrapping an arm around Charles before leading them out of the warehouse. “But I was going to say you’re fucking insane, you know that?”

“Isn’t that why you married me?” Charles looks at Max.

Max looks at Charles before breaking out into a grin. “Damn fucking right I did.” He murmurs before kissing Charles. Charles returns the kiss happily and grunts gently when Max pulls him closer. He can feel Max’s hard-on against his thigh before Max breaks the kiss, murmuring apologies.

“Let’s get you home and patched up before I show you how much I love you for being just as insane as me,” Max murmurs. Charles giggles and nods, leaning against Max as he basically carries Charles to the car and carefully gets into the car.

Charles rambles about the events leading up to the fight with Liam, mainly because Max demands him to keep talking. He can tell that Max is worried that he’ll pass out from blood loss and Charles lets a hand rest on Max’s thigh, gently rubbing soothing circles as he continues to give Max a play by play.

Daniel is waiting outside as they arrive at the Red Bull estate. He gives out a low whistle when Max and Charles make their way to the front door. “Jesus, what the fuck happened?”

“Some idiot in VCARB thought they could get one on me. Whole fight broke out.” Max grumbles as Daniel gently takes Charles from Max. “Liam got Charles.” He adds through gritted teeth. “If you excuse me, I have to talk to the remaining men from tonight.”

Daniel nods and helps Charles inside and to the medical wing of the estate. Daniel nods along to Charles who’s retelling his events once again as Daniel cleans and stitches Charles up. He informs Charles that he used dissolvable stitches for his side so no need for removal and his arm thankfully didn’t require stitches. He can shower 24 hours later and he needs to part the area around the stitches dry and no soap. He can’t swim or take a bath for a bit and he needs to wear looser fitting clothes while healing (which Charles is fine with because that means wearing Max’s clothes) as well as not doing a lot of activities that could strain the stitches. For his eye, he needs to ice it for the swelling to go down and just rock a black eye. The other bruises and very minor cuts will heal on their own but Daniel entertains Charles by putting red band aids on the minor cuts and gauze on the bigger bruises as a visual reminder to Charles that he’s injured.

Charles thanks Daniel when he comes back with some orange juice and snacks that Charles enjoys. Slowly, he gets off the table and thanks Daniel before wandering back to the main part of the estate. He sees Max waiting for him, arms crossed over his chest. He’s tapping his foot anxiously and Charles frowns. Seems that his chat with his men went sour which understandable. “Mon chéri?”

Blue eyes snap to him and Max relaxes but frowns. He moves to meet Charles and gently pulls him closer by his hips, murmuring, “Fuck, is it that bad? What did Danny say?”

“Said I have to wear looser clothes for a bit. No swimming or baths,” which sucks for Charles because he loves a good long bubble bath from time to time but whatever, " I can shower in 24 hours and have to pat the area dry. No soap around the area. He’s going to drop gauze off for me so I can change them. The side has dissolvable stitches so no need for removal but my arm will need to have them removed but he’s going to pop in and check. I need to ice my black eye. Everything else will heal normally but they’re just visual reminders. He said any second longer and I would’ve been in some deep shit cause I was teetering the blood loss territory but I’ll recover.”

“Okay, come on let’s get home, you’re probably exhausted.”

“Please.”

“Maaaaaax!” Charles whines, “Come back, the bed cold without you.”

Max lets out a laugh from their bathroom hearing Charles compliments. He finally wanders out from their bathroom in his boxers and leans against the door frame. He’s trying to behave. To follow Daniel orders but it’s hard when Charles looks like that.

Charles is currently lounging in their bed in one of Max’s shirts. Muscles flexing and hair a bit messy. He’s looking at Max with big green eyes as they start darkening while he lets his eyes roam before they’re blatantly staring at Max’s boxers and Max smirks.

“Aren’t you going to show me how much you love me? For beating Liam?” Charles asks innocently and Max silently asks Daniel for forgiveness as he makes his way over to Charles.

“You need rest.” Max murmurs as he climbs onto bed. He lets one hand rest on Charles' chest as he hovers over the younger male. “You know, doctors orders and all that shit.” He teases.

“But you said—”

“I know,” Max cuts him off gently. He leans down to kiss Charles and pulls back gently, “and I will. Promise.”

Charles makes a little happy noise before his hands are on Max, pulling him down for a bruising kiss. Teeth clash slightly before they find their rhythm. Max nips at Charles' bottom lip and slips his tongue into the younger male’s mouth. His tongue explores Charles’ mouth as he’s done time and time again, lapping up all the moans that Charles lets out. Max shifts himself, holding himself up on one elbow while the other hand ventures from Charles, resting gently and teasingly down to where his boxers should be. Instead, he’s met with bare skin and Max lets his fingers brush against Charles’ half hard on and that gets a gasp out of him.

“Eager, much?” Max teases with a smirk.

“A bit,” Charles breathlessly states. Max chuckles lowly as he moves to kiss Charles' jaw before moving to his neck as he lets his fingers gently run up and down Charles cock. He bites and sucks at Charles' neck letting the other squirm, earning gasps and soft moans from his husband before a whine escape from Charles' throat.

“Max, please.”

Typically, Max would give Charles what he wants. A heated make out session while opening him up, listening to the other become a puddle in his hands before turning him over and fucking him senseless but that wasn’t an option. He could do missionary but he would falter and give Charles the rough sex he wants and he also can’t leave bruising fingerprints on his sides. He could do one, but it wouldn’t be even and that would drive Max nuts.

Then the idea finally struck him.

Pulling back, Max climbs over Charles before laying next to him. “Sit on my face.”

“What?” Charles asks, coming out of his haze.

“I said, come here.” Max murmurs and gently pulls Charles to straddle him. His dick twitches seeing Charles straddling him while naked. Even if he’s decorated in gauze and bruises Charles looks like perfection. It’s unfair, really. “Turn around,” Max says gently and Charles complies. “Ah, no.” Max grabs Charles' throat swiftly but gently when Charles goes to get Max out of his boxers. “Remember, I said I was going to show you how much I love you. Now scoot up—”

Charles hesitates for a moment before listening. Max gets his hands on Charles' ass and, as gently as he can, pulls Charles back. He chuckles hearing the other squeak and scramble to find purchase before he steadies out.

“Max!” He scolds and turns his head to scold the other but stops at the sight. Max brings his gaze up to Charles but he’s already got his ass cheeks spread and tongue sticking out. Charles nearly cums right then and there as Max keeps eye contact as he licks a long stripe over his hole. Charles gasps loudly and puts a hand on Max’s chest. “I—fuck—Max—”

“Just sit there and let me hear all of your pretty noises.” Max states roughly.

Charles makes a noise of shock but nods quickly. He bites his bottom lip harshly as a pathetic whine threatens to escape past his lips when Max licks another one, purposefully slow. He yelps out of surprise when Max smacks his ass harshly. “Charles.” He threatens

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Charles sputters out quickly.

“Good boy.”

Charles mewls gently at the praise before Max is diving right back in, switching between long and calculated licks to quick kitten licks. Charles puts both hands on Max’s chest to steady himself, moaning and gasping softly. He gasps loudly before it melts into moan when Max lips his tongue in. He digs his claws into Max’s chest, earning a groan from the older male.

Dipping his head, Charles' mind swims with pleasure. He can’t even keep up with Max since he switches up his actions quick and fast, keeping Charles on his toes. His cock twitches and his eyes roll into the back of his head slightly when Max moves his hands to his thighs to keep him trapped, digging his nails gently into the flesh. In retaliation, Charles leans back, dragging his nails up Max’s chest as he starts rocking his hips back against Max.

Charles feels the familiar tightening in his lower stomach. Like a spring being wound up and tightening more and more and someone holding it down. He’s babbling nonsense while riding Max’s tongue begging for mercy from his own body. If he could just reach his hand up and—

Max switches to suck his rim gently and Charles comes undone. The tight feeling in his lower stomach pops like a spring being released and he’s coming. It hits him hard and feels like the spring had a boxer glove attached and hit him hard in the stomach. He’s clawing at Max’s chest, hips sputtering but continuing to move as he rides out his orgasm. His legs are shaking slightly when his orgasm finally stops and he whines when Max gives one more kitten lick before gently placing a kiss on his rim. Charles, thankfully with the help of Max, climbs off of Max though his eyes are glued to Max’s obvious hard on. He hums as he goes to the waistband of Max’s boxers again before Max catches his wrist gently, panting.

“Charles—you’re suppose to be resting.”

“I know, but like hell I’m letting my husband,” Charles purrs, “go to bed while edging himself so shut up and let me blow you.”

Max stares at Charles before letting out a laugh. As much as he wants to argue that Charles needs to rest and he could just fuck into Charles mouth, he can see the fire in Charles eyes and it makes his cock twitch and it reminds him just how tight his boxers are.

“Fine. You can blow me. Then you have to rest and let me take care of you.”

“Okay, deal.”

[mysticalserenity-tarot]

ᰔᩚ🗝Where the connection with your person is headed? (Pick a pile)

{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}

♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡

Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)

Hello, and a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support. It means a lot!

In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll find out where the connection with your specific person (no matter who) is headed. Let's see where your energy takes us.

Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.

♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡

PILE 1 🔑

2 of Swords, Death Rx, Ace of Pentacles (9 of Wands)

Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Whenever I see The Wheel card, I always think of karmic bonds or relationships. This card indicates an inevitable fate, which reminds me of karma and its lessons. But remember, karma can be positive too - and at the end, you'll be grateful for what you learned. Don't fear it, darling. Neither of you knows where this connection is headed, and for some of you, I sense a connection that's energetic. You may dream of each other. All the cards in your spread depict people with their eyes closed, which also tells me that some of you are trying to make sense of your connection with this person and asking yourself why you feel so drawn to them. Well, it's karmic, so you have unfinished business/unsolved debts with this person, and to move forward in life, you both have to solve them or let go of them and become a better version of yourself. Some of you are building a fence to protect your peace from this person if you have suffered in the past, you do not want to repeat the same 'mistake,' but deep down, I believe you're longing for them because, again, you may have unfinished business or unsolved karma. I'm not sure if we can escape karmic relationships, except by working on ourselves and including shadow work in our routines. That helps us free ourselves from past wounds. Your or your person, but I'm getting both of you, fear change and try to avoid it, holding tight to the past, even if it hurts. But this instead of helping, it blocks you and keeps you going in circles as if there's no way out when in reality there is - but you need to find it looking within you and trusting your gut.

However, nothing is lost because the rest of the cards show me a beautiful outcome for all of you in different ways, but still beautiful. I see material gains, prosperity, and new opportunities that bring abundance, an important step for soul growth and expansion. For some of you I see this connection finally "materializing" in the 3D, you'll reconcile or get in union with them. For others of you I see you resisting this connection, those strong feelings you're holding for long and finally let go of them, which is good as they may not have been for you.

This will lead you to an even better outcome that you may not expect, but that you'll feel grateful for once it comes, and you'll meet someone that is for you and fulfills your heart and soul. All of you will grow and feel inspired and passionate again, with sparkling creativity. It's a great time for growth for all of you. The two Ace's in your spread also tell me that this is just the beginning, and if you're going through a 'dark' period, it's going to be better! <3

Blue, Pink, and red colors may be significant for some of you. Whether is you, your person or both. As well as 1/11/111 and this is also Pile 1 😆

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

PILE 2 🔑

7 of Pentacles, The Empress Rx, The Devil (6 of Swords, The Tower)

Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Oh, my dear pile 2, I'm picking up some troubling energy here. As always, I strive to be as honest as possible, and I believe sugarcoating is not helpful for anyone, however as a positive person myself I love to give advices and encourage people specially in difficult situations.

I see the majority of you is feeling trapped in this connection and can't find the way out, whether confessing to this person or let go. Pretty similar to pile 1 (if you feel called to, please check it) but your group's energy feels a bit more troubled, worried for some reason and there's more emphasis on the 'letting go' part. One of you in this connection is more giving than the other so there's an imbalance and this applies to energetic connections as well, one of you is more invested than the other, hence the Devil card also indicating obsession and the need to let go or ease the feelings for your person. The Empress reversed is a confirmation that you're neglecting yourself and your needs because you're too focused and invested in your person. They're probably your first thought when you wake up and last thought when you go to sleep, occupying your mind almost 24/7 while they're more focused on their career rather than love. But for some of you, what I just picked up applies to both and both of you are obsessed with each other but for some reason, you cannot be together or at least for now. "Divine timing" I know you're fed up to hear this and I am too, but trust that the divine knows when is the right moment for anything and is not punishing you but helping you to not sabotage your connection.

If this connection downs you instead of lifting you up, this reading is a strong sign (my corrector typed "sigh" instead of sign, so I'd take it as a sign lol), from your intuition to let go even if it may be painful at first, trust that you're doing the right thing and better things are awaiting for you. Sometimes a 'difficult transition' is necessary for growth and healing. (6 of Swords and The Tower kept appearing in your reading) I see that you'll navigate successfully through those turbulent waters. With the 3 of Swords at the bottom of the deck, neither the outcome is positive, and if you keep up with this person, it may lead to a broken heart or disappointment.

I see also the color black being dominant which in Tarot is not a good omen as it alludes to hindrances and burdens. (black could be significant for some). As well as the two 3s which mean a need for cooperation if you really want this connection to work.

The message that I'm getting strongly is that you need to recognize your self-worth and be confident in your own skin, and not let anyone change you because you are worth it, my dear, today, tomorrow, and always. And for that, you deserve better, someone that truly loves and respects you and not just in Valentine's Day. But don't worry, because I sense that when you'll finally recognize your worth and power, you'll get that loving person who will love you for who you are, so don't be afraid to let go of this one that deep down may make you unhappy as you don't see any progress from their part. When someone is meant for us, we don't have to force anything, and the physical union will just happen naturally when the time is right. But remember, nothing is set in stone and energies can shift. I am nobody to dictate your life, I'm just reading cards and your energies. You do what you feel like.

Whatever you decide that feels right to your heart will bring you in this Queen of Wands energy: CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, CREATIVE, and LEADER of yourself, and manifest the life that you want, because she's also a great manifestor!

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

PILE 3 🔑

Knight of Wands, The World, 2 of Pentacles Rx (5 of Wands)

Hello Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!

Compared to the other piles, this one feels more positive. (curiously my group 3's often have positive energies I love that!)

Despite some initial setbacks or obstacles, I see this connection working but not immediately; you both have to work for it. I see disharmony in this couple and overall conflicts that you both have to navigate through if you want your connection to thrive. It's crucial to be clear with each other about what you want from this connection, whether it's casual and short-term (like friends with benefits) or something more serious and long-term. Unless you want both the fun and the seriousness *wink wink* what matters is that you communicate with your person (or partner if you're already in a relationship with them). If you don't, it would be a pity as I see a beautiful connection between you both, but the choice is yours.

Indeed, the Ace of Swords appearing on top of the deck indicates a time for clarity and breakthrough, and confirms the need for open and honest communication between you and your person. My cards can't stress enough how important this is.

If you and your person are not yet in a relationship, they may be worried that you have many suitors or you think they have. However, I don't see them paying much attention to those suitors. One of you (I feel them) may be in a relationship with someone else, and you may think their partner is toxic and want them out of it. If you strongly feel within you that they are unhappy, try to communicate it to them. Communication isn't just for those already in a relationship.

The 10 of Cups and The Sun appearing while I was shuffling is a clear indication that your connection is meant to be or become something beautiful, as long as you and your person work for it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.

-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.

ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.

Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.

[rcklessheavn]

𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫 ── ★ ˙🏎️ ̟ !!

f1 driver!matt x influencer!reader au

summary: after influencer!reader is invited to give interviews at the grand prix event, she meets matt and everything changes for both of them.

intro pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4

warnings: slight swearing, kissing

wc: 6.6k

notes: this is probably the longest chapter i've written, so i apologize if its boring

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫༉‧₊˚.

It's sunny in Monte Carlo and it's qualification day for the Monaco Grand Prix tomorrow. Later today we’ll find out who gets pole position, a certain advantage for a win in tomorrow's race.

You were on your way to the paddock for Day 2 of the F1 weekend. The sun was shining, and the Uber's speakers were reminding you that it was Qualifying Day. You were definitely excited, but you had agreed to meet Matt before Quali started, and now you were starting to panic a bit.

This morning, you met Hailey for breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant. You caught up on what happened the night before with her and Claudia.

“So… tell me what happened?” you asked, and Hailey just chuckled.

“First off, get your head out of the gutter. Nothing like that happened,” Hailey said, and you acted disappointed, which earned you a playful smack on the arm. She laughed. “And second, we just talked. Quite literally. We came back to the hotel, and apparently almost everyone is staying here, except for a few people who either live locally or prefer different hotels. We just hung out,” she finished, nodding.

“So… nothing juicy happened?” you asked, a bit too curiously.

Hailey laughed. “We almost kissed, but we decided to go on a proper date before jumping into anything like that.” She smiled as she clarified, and your heart fluttered in happiness for her.

"That's really nice, Hailey. I hope it works out." You smiled back at her, genuinely pleased.

"Thank you… Now, about you and Matt," Hailey said, her voice teasing as she leaned in with a grin. "I saw you two looking very cozy last night."

“First, we weren’t ‘cozy,’” you protested. “It was just banter—”

“Which you love,” Hailey interrupted, and you tried not to blush, because, yeah, you did love banter. It was hot.

“Which is not the point,” you said quickly, “and second, he just gave me a ride back to the hotel, that’s all.” You tried to drop the topic, but Hailey wasn’t having it. You ended up giving her a full rundown, and after a few teasing grins and jokes, you both dropped the subject. The conversation shifted to something else until it was time to leave.

But thinking about last night made you jittery. You weren’t sure what it meant. Was Matt a genuinely nice guy? Or was he just looking for a hookup? Or maybe your assumptions were just false hope, and it was all nothing more than a friendly interaction. Maybe your own delusions had gotten the better of you.

But you couldn’t think about that right now.

You arrived at the paddock, nerves buzzing in your chest. You were about to meet Matt soon, and maybe even another driver. 

Anything could happen…

As you stepped into the paddock, you immediately noticed it was much fuller today. More people, more reporters, more cameras. There was a flurry of movement everywhere. It was chaos—and it was only Quali Day.

You were walking alone, since Hailey had decided to meet Claudia outside the paddock. Apparently, she was helping her with the organization for tonight's party.

As you approached the Ferrari quarters—what you secretly liked to call them—you pulled out your digital camera to snap a few pictures. The memories were important. Everything looked perfect. The sky was a brilliant blue, the stans a sea of red, orange, and dark blue. Voices, laughter, music, and the roar of engines filled the air. It was all so alive, so electric.

While you were framing the perfect shot, someone bumped into you.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” a familiar voice said.

Your heart skipped a beat. You froze. You knew that voice. You had basically grown up with it.

You turned around, trying to hide the panic that threatened to take over, just in case it wasn’t actually him. But there he was. Standing right in front of you. Lewis Hamilton.

Not only that… he spoke.

Well duh. 

“It’s okay, I was on my way,” you said, your voice betraying you with a slight shake.

“Were you taking pictures?” he asked.

He was trying to make conversation with you. WHAT IS LIFE.

“Uhm, yes. For the memories, you know,” you replied, still in shock.

“Oh, I thought you were a photographer,” he said sweetly.

You chuckled awkwardly. “No, no. Just need proof I was here… you know, just in case I get dementia when I’m older,” you joked, immediately regretting it. Why did I say that?

He laughed, though. “So, if not a photographer, what do you do?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“Oh, I’m a content creator,” you answered, showing him your vlogging camera.

He nodded thoughtfully. “Were you invited by a brand or...?”

Why is he still talking to me?

“Ferrari, actually! I’m a big fan, and, well, I’ve made a few videos about them. They saw it, and now I’m here,” you answered, trying to act calm despite the chaos of your mind.

“Oh, cool! I’m glad you’re a fan. Usually, they invite people who are going viral right now, you know? Which is great, but fans have more passion,” he said sincerely, and somehow, you both started walking together.

“Yeah, I get that. I think I have that,” you chuckled, and he laughed along.

“I’m Lewis, by the way. So rude of me not to introduce myself,” he said, extending his hand with a smile.

“It’s not like you had to, anyway. I think I know who you are,” you joked, making him laugh.

“I’m—” you started, but before you could finish, someone screamed your name, making both you and Lewis turn.

Matt was walking toward you.

“Hey, you came!” he said, and then he acknowledged Lewis with a quick “Lewis,” before dabbing him up.

“What's up, mate,” Lewis greeted back, and then turned to you. “I’ll leave you two to it. Nice meeting you, Y/N. Hope to see you around,” he said, and you smiled.

“The pleasure was all mine. I’d wish you good luck, but, you know, who I’m rooting for,” you joked, and Lewis laughed before waving goodbye.

“Oh my god,” you breathed out, still in disbelief, and you heard Matt chuckle beside you.

“Don’t laugh. It’s not funny. I just met THE Lewis Hamilton,” you said, pointing a finger at Matt as a playful threat.

“Yeah… I don’t know if you know this, but I also have the same job as him,” Matt said with sarcasm, though there was a twinge of something else—jealousy? You couldn’t quite place it.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I just had a conversation with him… and he’s even hotter in person,” you whispered in disbelief, glancing around nervously to make sure no one was listening.

Matt rolled his eyes. “Aha. Are you buddies now?” His tone had shifted, a little annoyed.

You noticed his irritation and decided to tease him a bit. “Why? You jealous?” you tilted your head, a smug smile on your face.

“You want me to be jealous?” he shot back, his eye contact firm, an eyebrow raised. It was enough to make your heart skip, but you wouldn’t let him know that just yet.

“You didn’t answer my question,” you challenged, the back-and-forth banter causing your heart to race in ways you didn’t think were possible.

“You didn’t either,” he shot back, stepping a little closer to you.

Your heart could’ve burst out of your chest. You could’ve sworn his gaze flicked down to your lips, and in that moment, time seemed to freeze. Your mind raced, but you couldn’t pull your gaze away from him.

Does he want to kiss me? Nah that would be RIDICULOUS! Unless…

Wait- why is he leaning…

Really? Are we about to kiss infront the pit stop? How romantic. 

“Matt, hey!” a voice interrupted your thoughts and Matt immediately stepped a bit back. 

Oh shit… maybe he WAS about to kiss me. Whatever… 

You turned to see who the mysterious voice belonged to.

“Charles, what’s up?” Matt greeted, dabbing him up before his eyes landed on you.

“Oh hey, Y/N! It’s nice to see you again!” he said, leaning in for a hug. You returned it gracefully, trying to keep your cool.

“It’s nice to see you too. Ready for today?” you asked, doing your best to act normal. It wasn’t easy. Yes, you’d talked to him before, but he was still Charles Leclerc, and maybe one day you’d stop freaking out, but today was definitely not that day.

“Very ready. Love this track,” he said with a proud smile that you couldn’t help but mirror.

“Good, I’m rooting for you,” you replied, and he chuckled, which caused Matt to huff in mock offense. You turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

“What about me?” he asked, pretending to be offended that you hadn’t mentioned him.

“Maybe,” you teased, “but I won’t say a word, or your annoying, cocky smile will never disappear.”

Charles burst out laughing, and Matt fought back a smile, realizing how true that actually was.

“Anyway,” Charles said, composing himself, “I was coming over to ask if you were having lunch with us…” He looked at Matt for a moment, then turned to you. “But now that you’re here, why don’t you join us?”

Your breath caught in your chest. Did he just ask me to lunch?

“Me?” you asked, needing to double-check in case your delusions were acting up again.

“Yeah!” he replied, as if it wasn’t the most life-changing question anyone could ask.

“Uhm, sure, why not?” you said, your confidence slowly creeping back in. “Just let me tell Hailey before she starts looking for me,” you added, trying to sound casual.

Both Matt and Charles nodded, drifting into their own conversation to give you some privacy.

I'm going to grab lunch with Matt and Charles Trying not to puke at the fact that i just sent you that HOLY SHIT‼️‼️

OMG?!?!? Have fun and try not to shit your pants💀💀 I'll catch up with you for quali!!! 

You put your phone away and turned to the guys. “Ok, let's go,” you said casually.

This was going to be interesting. 

------------------

“So, who’s eating lunch with us?” you asked as you walked into the lunchroom. You guessed this place was reserved for drivers and crew when they wanted a bit of privacy. It wasn’t too big, but big enough to feel comfortable. The walls were decorated like a retro café, which gave the room a cozy vibe.

“I’m offended. Isn’t our company enough?” Charles said, his tone playful with mock hurt.

“Yeah, you both bore me already,” you shot back, making Charles laugh. Matt, however, stayed unusually quiet. You couldn’t help but notice how he seemed a little distant, his attention fixed on the conversation between you and Charles.

Was he… jealous?

He quickly dismissed the thought. You’d just met, so there was no reason to be. But, damn it, he was interested in you—more than he cared to admit. He wanted you all to himself, but he didn’t want to come off as too forward. But oh well, fuck it.

“What do you guys do here, anyway? Is this like a ritual or something?” you asked, cutting through Matt’s train of thought.

“Well, not a ritual per se,” Charles started with a smirk.

“We just don’t get to see each other that often,” Matt continued, now eager to join the conversation. “I mean, we SEE each other and talk every now and then, but we don’t get to catch up or talk about anything besides racing on a daily basis,” he explained.

“And Monaco is always the race we all want to win,” Charles added, a sense of pride in his voice. “So the day before the race, we usually come up here for brunch, catch up, eat, you know, just interact like actual human beings—not just drivers fighting each other for the championship.”

“Exactly,” Matt chimed in. “We love what we do, but there’s so much pressure and rivalry between teams. Sometimes we just need a break, a breather. This is that.”

“And does everyone come up?” you asked, genuinely curious about the tradition.

“Depends,” Charles said. “Sometimes it’s all of us, sometimes just a few.”

You smiled to yourself, feeling the warmth of their tradition. It was a nice break from the chaos, the cameras, and the pressure they were always under. Besides, it was nice to have a moment of peace, away from the Netflix crew and all the prying eyes. No one was allowed here except them.

A hand suddenly landed on Matt’s shoulder, pulling you from your thoughts. You looked up to find Max Verstappen grinning down at Matt.

“Hey, man,” Max greeted.

“Hey, Max! What’s up?” Matt stood and gave him a hug. They clearly had a much closer relationship than the media let on, especially with all the rumors about their rivalry for the World Championship title.

“This is our new friend, Y/N,” Matt said, motioning toward you. “Y/N, this is Max.”

You stood up and stretched out your hand. “Hi, it’s so nice to meet you,” you said, almost a little too excited. How could you not be? It was MAX VERSTAPPEN.

I need to get a grip if I'm gonna meet every driver here, holy shit.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Max said with a friendly smile. “Are you Matt’s girlfriend?” he asked, the question coming out sweetly.

You immediately blushed, and to your surprise, Matt did the exact same behind Max. If anyone could see him right now, they’d definitely have a laugh.

You huffed out a nervous laugh. “No, um, we just met yesterday. I’m here with Ferrari, doing media and stuff. Charles and Matt just invited me to join. They’re trying to be nice so I don’t spill their secrets,” you joked, and Max chuckled.

“Well, it’s nice to have you here. Hope you enjoy it,” Max said as he sat down in front of Charles, immediately diving into their conversation.

After a few minutes, more drivers trickled in. You greeted a few of them, but didn’t dive into conversations just yet. The whole thing felt a bit overwhelming. Everyone you’d seen on TV was now right in front of you. You had to hold in your excitement to avoid freaking anyone out.

As the minutes passed, your anxiety slowly started to build. Matt noticed your growing discomfort and placed a supportive hand on your arm.

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice just above a whisper. “We can go outside if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”

The warmth from his touch sent a flutter through you. You smiled at him, feeling a sense of relief. “No, it’s fine. I’m just trying to wrap my head around all this,” you admitted, and Matt immediately understood.

“Okay, but don’t hesitate to tell me if you get uncomfortable,” he said. You could feel his sincerity, and you were grateful for it. His sweet gesture didn’t go unnoticed.

“Thanks,” you said quietly, appreciating his kindness.

“So, Y/N, do you play padel?” Lando Norris asked with a grin, catching your attention from across the table. And just like that, you found yourself talking about padel for the next 30 minutes—and with an invite to their next session.

What has my life come to? And how am I fitting in with all of them?

--------------------

It had been about an hour and a half since everyone had arrived. Lunch was over, and now everyone was laughing and joking, their conversations light and fun. They were all so funny, and you couldn’t help but enjoy yourself.

The conversations slowly started to wrap up as a few of them headed off for press duties, while others made their way to various sessions. Now, it was just you and Matt, with only a few minutes before he had to leave.

“So…” he started.

“So…” you echoed, both of you laughing.

“How are you feeling now? Still intimidated by F1 drivers?” he teased, his grin wide, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“First, I wasn’t intimidated,” you shot back, “I was just mind-blown about how my life has come to this. And second, I’m feeling pretty great right now. Lowkey, I feel like I could beat you in a race or something.”

You stood up from the table, Matt following suit, trying to bite back a grin.

“Oh really?” he said, his tone turning playful. He quickly made his way to the door and opened it for you.

“Really,” you said, laughing. “Name the day, and I’ll race you.” You shot him a sly grin as you walked through the door, silently thanking him for being so considerate. Matt walked beside you, his laughter echoing through the corridor. You took a quieter alleyway to avoid the prying eyes of paparazzi. Matt didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed.

“Are you serious right now?” he asked, sounding a bit too excited. “Cause I swear I’ll book a day for you to try and drive.”

You burst out laughing. “Matt,” you said, still chuckling, “You really think I’m capable of driving like you?” He shrugged, unfazed. “Well, you’re wrong. Also, I think that’s not even allowed.”

“Well, yeah, you’re right, it isn’t,” he admitted with a smile. “But that offer from last night still stands, you know?” His voice had softened, a hint of flirtation in it.

“Really?” you asked, stepping a little closer. You could feel the tension building, and you were eager to keep up with his playful tone.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice low and sincere. He reached out, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face.

“I’d gladly accept,” you replied, your voice quieter now. “I just don’t know when that would happen.”

Matt smirked. “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered, stepping a little closer. Just as you were about to get even closer, the door behind you swung open, and Nate stepped out, his eyes widening when he saw the two of you standing so close.

“Matt—oh, shit sorry, dude… They need you in five minutes,” Nate said, his voice a little flustered, clearly not expecting to find you and Matt so close just yet.

“Got it,” Matt said, quickly pulling away from you. You both straightened up, flustered and trying to act normal. For a second there, it looked like you might have kissed, in the most unromantic of places. But could you blame him? No. You were dying to kiss the man, especially when he looked like that.

“Uhm, sorry about that,” Matt interrupted your thoughts, scratching the back of his neck. “You can stay here if you want to watch the behind-the-scenes of practice before quali.”

He gave you a soft smile, his hand resting on the corner of your jacket. It was a simple gesture, but each time you glanced down at it, your stomach did somersaults.

“No, it’s fine,” you replied with a reassuring smile. “I’ve got last night’s vlog to edit for Ferrari and some footage for my YouTube channel. I’ll be pretty entertained up there.”

“Are you sure?” Matt asked, a little hesitant. “Nick and Chris slept in after going out last night, but they’ll be here in an hour. You can call Nick if you don’t want to be alone or—” He rambled, clearly concerned about your comfort.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “Matt, it’s fine. I’ll be okay. I really need to edit anyway.” You placed a reassuring hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat speed up beneath your palm. It was adorable. 

“Okay, okay, cool,” he said, his tone softening. “But, uh, do come down for quali, alright? I’ll tell Nate to set you up in the back so you can get a closer look. Don’t say no, because I really want you there.”

His cheeks were tinted pink now, and his nervousness was obvious. You could feel your heart flutter at the vulnerability he was showing, and it made you like him even more.

“Uhm, yeah, that would be cool… Thanks, Matt.” You gave him a big smile. “Now, go before they come in here and scold you.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later” he says clearly, stalling you, but you were both fully aware that he really did need to go.

“Yes. Now go,” you teased, trying to hide your smile. He waved one last time before disappearing through the door, and you walked up the stairs, still smiling brightly.

---------------

After hours of editing, your Ferrari vlog had been approved and uploaded. The response was overwhelming—everyone was buzzing about the fact that you were invited by Ferrari. No one had expected it, and it was blowing up across all your socials. Apparently, you were more likable than you’d thought. Your vlog had already been partially edited, including the small clips you managed to film during your free time.

Now, it was time for qualifying. Hailey, Nick, and Chris were already in the garage with you. After a quick coffee and some casual conversation upstairs, 15 minutes later, you were all settled in the back of the Ferrari crew area, getting ready to watch qualifying. Matt was still in an interview, so for now, it was just you and your friends catching up on the day. Hailey was still amazed you were surviving after befriending almost every driver in the paddock.

A few minutes later, Matt entered the room to say hi, with his crew starting to prepare for him. Once he began suiting up, you walked over to him.

“You better get pole,” you said as you approached him, startling him slightly.

He looked stressed, but when he saw you, his expression softened, and a smile spread across his face. It was incredible how you seemed to have that effect on him—how just your presence could ground him. And it was crazy, considering you’d only met less than 24 hours ago.

“No pressure, of course,” you added with a playful smile, making him chuckle.

“Oh yeah, no pressure whatsoever,” he replied, sarcasm clear in his voice.

“You know what I mean,” you teased, and his smile softened, his eyes meeting yours for a moment.

“I’ll try my hardest,” he said quietly. He was a great driver, and with three race wins under his belt, he was tied with Max Verstappen. The pressure was on, but you knew he was capable.

“I know you’ll do great, I believe in you,” you said sincerely. You’ve been watching him since he joined F1 in 2020, debuting with Haas and then being recruited by Ferrari the next year, where he won his first race, and has been fighting for the world championship against Max since then. You knew how much potential he had.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice low, as if he didn’t fully believe you. You could sense the doubt he carried, the weight of his inner struggles despite knowing his potential.

Seeing his hesitation, you felt the urge to do something about it. You stepped closer to him, swallowing your nerves. “Matt, trust me, okay? I believe in you.” Your voice was soft as you kissed his cheek. “Good luck,” you added, flashing him a warm smile before stepping back toward your friends, trying to act casual.

Matt stood there, stunned for a few moments, his hand lightly grazing his cheek where your kiss lingered. His face flushed, and his smile grew brighter by the second. Somehow, that simple gesture felt like the most perfect thing you could have done for him in that moment. Now, he had even more reason to push for pole position.

He gave you a quick, playful smile and a wink as he slid into his car. Your cheeks flushed, and you quite literally felt the need to twirl your hair and kick your feet. 

I wish I was joking.

Nate gave you a pair of headphones as per Matt’s request, he somehow knew you would want a pair but would be scared to ask for one. They were lighter than you expected, and you couldn’t help but giggle when you heard Matt’s voice crackling through the radio: “Radio check.”

The engine roared to life, and you lifted your head, watching Matt’s car zoom away. You took a deep breath, hoping for the best—because that was all you could do right now.

The lap passed in a blur. The sounds of the cars and the occasional instructions from the radio filled your ears: “Alright, Matt, that’s good pace,” “You can push now,” “Mode push.” The words “Copy” from Matt every time became almost comforting as you hung on to each moment, your excitement growing.

And then you heard it—the moment you had been waiting for.

“Alright, Matt, that’s pole position.”

Your body froze in shock and excitement, and then you exploded into celebration, hugging Hailey, then Nick and Chris. This was huge. Ferrari had a 1-2: Matt on pole and Charles in second. It was exactly what everyone needed—especially in Monaco.

As Matt’s car came back to the garage, you couldn’t contain your excitement any longer. You rushed toward him as he jumped out of the car, and without thinking, you embraced him. He was momentarily caught off guard, but then he hugged you back, holding you tightly. It was a moment neither of you could describe, but it felt like everything.

You pulled back quickly, realizing you might’ve crossed a boundary, and flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry,” you stammered.

“Don’t be,” Matt said, chuckling as he tried to tame his wild hair. “I needed that.”

Before you could respond, Nick and Chris were on him, hugging him and congratulating him, with Hailey trailing behind. The excitement in the air was contagious.

Once the congratulatory hugs ended, Matt locked eyes with you and silently asked for another hug. Without a second thought, you gave it to him.

“I knew you could do it,” you whispered, your voice soft, just for him to hear.

Matt didn’t reply, but his arms tightened around you, pressing you closer as if he didn’t want to let go. You didn’t need words from him. You understood exactly what he was saying in that moment.

“Alright, Matt,” Nate said, breaking the moment. “We’ve got a press conference before you’re free for the party tonight.”

Matt reluctantly pulled away from you, looking at you apologetically.

“I’ll see you tonight, right?” he asked, his voice full of hope.

You nodded, smiling brightly at him.

“Of course,” you said, trying to keep the excitement in check as you watched him walk away. Your stomach fluttered with anticipation for what the night might hold.

Together, you all took an Uber back to the hotel to get ready for tonight's party, the excitement of the day lingering in the air.

It was nearly 7 p.m., and you and Hailey were both getting ready after an hour of doom-scrolling through TikTok. Walking around the paddock all day had been exhausting, and you both needed at least an hour of nothing before the party. Now, as you were deep into hair and makeup, your outfits laid out on the bed, the atmosphere felt more relaxed. Tonight wasn’t a formal event; it was a casual party, and both of you were ready for some fun. Hailey had chosen a sleek black two-piece set, while you went with a white one—both of you in different styles, but perfect for the occasion.

“Listen, I don’t even know what’s going on,” you said, as you dabbed on concealer, your hair already styled the way you wanted it. “Yes, I like him. I wouldn’t mind having fun with him, and I think he feels the same… at least I hope so. So, yeah. That’s basically it.”

“Okay, but be careful, yeah? I like the guy, but he’s still a guy,” Hailey said, finishing up her hair and opening her makeup bag.

“Yeah, I know. Thanks, Hailey,” you replied. A comfortable silence settled between you, both of you lost in your thoughts, the soft background music providing the only soundtrack to your preparations.

By 7:30, you were both ready, heading downstairs for the night’s party. The event was hosted at the hotel, so there was no rush to find each other. You could both just enjoy yourselves.

Walking into the party was like stepping into another world. The lights were bright, the music was thumping, and three open bars were serving drinks to an enthusiastic crowd. People were dancing and chatting everywhere. It was definitely going to be an interesting night. You said quick hellos to a few creators and drivers you’d met earlier, then made your way to one of the bars. You needed just a little liquid courage—not enough to get a hangover tomorrow, but enough to work up the nerve to talk to Matt... and maybe make a move.

After grabbing your drink, you scanned the room, searching for familiar faces, and spotted Nick and Chris across from you, deep in conversation with someone. You made your way over, waving at them.

“Hey, guys,” you greeted, catching their attention. They turned to look at you, and you immediately recognized the familiar face beside them.

“Oh! Hey, Lando!” you said, grinning as you saw who it was.

“Hey, Y/N!” they all greeted in unison, making you laugh. “You look great,” Lando added with a smile, causing your cheeks to heat up.

“Thanks, you too,” you replied with a smile, trying to ignore the blush creeping up your neck. A comfortable silence followed for a few moments, and before Nick could speak, the beat of a song you all loved filled the speakers.

“OH MY GOD, LET’S DANCE!” Chris screamed, practically running toward the dance floor. You laughed as Nick quickly followed him, and before you knew it, Lando turned to you with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Wanna go dance?” he asked, extending his hand in a playful gesture. You couldn’t help but chuckle, taking his hand with a smile.

“I’d love to,” you replied, as the two of you joined the others on the dance floor.

As you danced, the night seemed to drift by, the music and the energy around you filling your senses. But soon, your thoughts wandered, and you began to wonder where Matt was. Just as you started to think about it, you felt a hand settle on your hip, causing you to jump slightly. But the voice that followed immediately put you at ease.

“Hey, pretty girl,” Matt said, and you turned to see him standing there, his grin lighting up his face.

“Matt! I was starting to wonder where you were!” you said, immediately pulling him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly.

“Aww, you were already missing me?” he teased, his tone cocky as he pulled away from the hug, a pleased smirk on his face.

“Ha ha, don’t get cocky with me now,” you teased back, a grin on your lips.

“Why? You love it,” he said, before turning to greet his brothers and friends who were also dancing nearby. When he looked back at you, his eyes took you in fully, and his jaw visibly dropped. He didn’t care if you noticed; he couldn’t hide his admiration.

“Has anyone told you how gorgeous you look tonight?” he asked, his voice sincere. His words made you blush, your cheeks warming as you fidgeted with your hair.

“No, no, don’t hide from me now,” Matt said, his thumb gently lifting your chin, guiding you to meet his gaze. “Come with me?”

Before you could say anything, you simply nodded, and he led you away from the crowd, pulling you into a quieter area of the garden. It was peaceful here, the sounds of the party faint in the distance, replaced by the soft rustle of the trees. Fairy lights twinkled above, casting a warm glow over everything. The light wrapped around you like a soft blanket, making you feel like the center of attention—and not in an overwhelming way. It was peaceful, serene, and exactly what you needed. In this moment, you were the one and only golden trophy he wanted to win.

“So, how’s it been? Have you enjoyed your stay in Monaco?” he asked as you both walked up to the parapet of the terrace, overlooking the marina. The view was breathtaking, and you smiled, taking in the beauty of it all.

“I’ve loved it. Monaco is beautiful, and the whole grand prix experience has been so amazing, I wish I didn’t have to go back home and watch everything again on my tv” you say, taking in the view with a slight chuckle as you thought of your life after this trip, Matt coming up behind you. Resting both of his hands on either side of you. 

“You don’t have to” Matt said, his voice almost whispering, sending chills down your spine, making your breath hitch. 

“Yes I do.” you say a bit confused after properly registering his words. “It’s not like I could just hop on a plane with you and watch every race.” you joke. 

He shrugs “Who says you can’t?” he asks and you turn around to look at him confused. His body was way closer than you had expected. 

“I do” you try not to stutter as you speak. You couldn't help it, he was right there, so close. The air between you hot and heavy. 

“Then you're really mistaken, pretty girl” he says, as he tucked a hair behind your ear. He's so close now, his hand still gently cupping your chin, tilting it up, his eyes locked on yours, his breath coming in small, quick gasps. “Do you trust me?” he asked, his voice lower than you expected. You nodded.

Good fuck, if he doesnt do something right now I will jump off.

He lets out a husky chuckle in response, his hand sliding down your neck and cupping your waist, pulling you closer to him as he gently pressed you against the terrace. He leans in, his lips hovering just above yours, his breath hot on your skin. He can feel your lips so close to his that they’re practically brushing against them with every word. The anticipation is almost too much to handle. He takes a shaky breath, his heart racing at the thought of what might happen next.

"Can I?” He asks and you nod, scared of what will come out of your lips. 

He doesn’t waste a second. The moment you nod your head, he closes the distance between you, pressing his lips to yours hungrily. The kiss is fierce and desperate, every ounce of want and desire he feels for you poured into it.

He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, wanting to feel every bit of you against him. The kiss becomes more intense as he pulls you even closer, his body molding against yours perfectly. His hands wander, exploring the planes of your back, the curves of your waist, needing to touch every inch of you. He can’t get enough of you, and his kisses become more heated and passionate, a desperate need for more taking over him.

His hands slide up to your hair, tangling in the soft strands and tugging gently as he deepens the kiss, his tongue seeking out yours. A soft moan escaped your lips, a sound of pleasure and desire mixed together in a perfect harmony.

Then you realized what is happening and quickly break the kiss “Matt” you say breathless

He felt you quickly pull away, breathless as you said his name. He was so lost in the moment, all he wanted to do was take more of you, but he held back, his breathing heavy and uneven as he replied “Why did you stop?”

“We can’t” you simply say, but you break out in a small chuckle as you realize what just happened. 

“Why not?” he chuckled softly, trying to steady his breath as he spoke. He had been so lost in you, he had completely forgotten about everything else. 

“Because you need to focus” you chuckle back. You didn’t pull away because you didn’t want to continue, but because you feared you could affect Matt’s concentration for tomorrow. 

“Yeah? Maybe this will help me focus more” He brought his hand up and gently ran a thumb over your cheek, his voice remaining low and intimate as he spoke. “Can I ask you something?” he asked and you nodded, apparently your ability to say ‘yes’ was gone. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”. 

You stayed absolutely silent. Because you wanted to, but it wasn’t the time to continue. 

He chuckled under his breath, enjoying the effect his words were having on you. You were trying to hold your ground, but he could see the desire in your eyes.

“Come on, baby. Use your words. Do you want me to kiss you again?”

“Ugh! fuck it.” you say under your breath then rolled your eyes as you pulled him in to kiss you again. He felt a rush of pleasure shoot through him as you pulled his head and made him kiss you. He was taken completely by surprise, but he quickly responded to your move, his grip on your waist shifting and his body pushing further into you as he kissed you hungrily.

He continued to kiss you hungrily, his hand from your waist now running up your back as he pushed you even further into the border behind you, his other hand gripping you tightly as he felt the desire growing between you both. He deepened the kiss even more, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth. He could feel his body aching for more, his arousal growing with every touch, but he held himself back, fighting the urge to push things any further. He knew he needed to stay in control, even if every part of him wanted to give in to the desire. 

You both parted away when you heard footsteps approaching. You both did not want to risk any scandal just yet. You both looked at each other and laughed, then you reached for your phone to look at the time and you saw a very drunk text from Hailey pop up.

Hiiiiii 🙂🙃😉😘🥰😍😗 I gut do drjuk i nedd asssiytabce  I loveeeeeee uoouuuuuuu 

You chuckle at the text and look up at Matt. “Hailey is shitfaced drunk in the hotel room, I really don’t want to leave but I can’t leave her alone” you give him an apologetic look, and he gives you an understanding smile. 

“It’s okay, your friend needs you... besides, I think I’m going to find my brothers and head to bed too,” he said, his tone playful. “You know, race tomorrow and all that.”

You chuckled. “Oh, yeah, right.” You both laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” You flashed him one last smile before turning to walk away. But then, you felt a hand on your arm pulling you back.

“You really thought you’d leave without a goodnight kiss?” Matt said, a mischievous grin on his face as he gently pulled you toward him, crashing your lips together once more. But this kiss was different. It was soft, tender, the kind that lingered long after it ended. You both wanted that.

He pulled away, smiling down at you. “I’ll see you tomorrow, pretty girl,” he said, before heading off, leaving you standing there.

Once the haze of the kiss wore off, you took a deep breath, still floating, and walked back into the hotel. Matt was no longer in sight, but you couldn't stop the smile that spread across your face as you made your way to your room.

WHAT IS LIFE.

a story by rcklessheavn

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ series link

⋆˙⟡ tag list

⤷ authors note: again, i apologize if this was a boring chapter! this week i'll be very busy studying for a test and another work i have to do, so probably next chapter might be out by saturday but dont quote me on that!! thx for the love <33

@courta13 @matthewsroses @mattswifeyy @sturniolomatthewb @nessabarretswhore @nickmillersn1gf @mattslefttoenail @thecrawlys @tuttifruttixx @obsessedwiththesturniolos @period-queen1 @pair-of-pantaloons @b4by-hon3y @idkwhatthisis2009 @malsmind @matts-247 @baileysturnz @sturniololover1738 @emely9274 @stitchlover324 @priscillaog @hvlplvss @kiarasmaybank @lm-a-mirrorball @babymiracleenthusiast

[writteninthesewalls28]

Racing Psychology - Part Three

Summary: Josie comes to Lando's race in Miami and the tension between them becomes undeniable.

Warnings: not proof read, passionate kissing, curse words, I don't know anything about racing, please don't take it personal if something is not described how it actually is in real life (Remember: this is pure fiction)

Part one Part two

Lando held his promise and had sent me a VIP ticket with which I would not only have an exceptional view of the entire race track and especially the pit stops, but I could also witness the exclusive backstage interviews after the race. 

When I would finally meet him again, I definitely had to thank him for arranging this ticket for me so last minute. I don’t even want to know how much money such a ticket would cost if someone buys it without knowing any of the drivers personally. 

But when I stood in the VIP stands and looked around, I could already answer that question myself. The only people sitting and standing, some of them not even slightly interested in the race right in front of them, were wearing the most expensive brands you could think of: Gucci, Louis Vittons and however the list goes on. Everything in the room only screamed money and wealth and as much as I felt uncomfortable and not welcomed here with my normal jeans and shirt, the excitement of getting to meet Lando again even made me forget about the elite crowd that I found myself in at the moment. 

Because I simply knew nothing about Formula 1, I had spent my Saturday evening researching the procedure of a regular Grand Prix and had read several articles about racing terms and when what takes place. 

My brain was still a bit overwhelmed with all the new information I had gained in the course of just 3 hours, but at the thought of simply standing here and having absolutely no idea of what was going on in front of me, made me shiver. 

But standing here now, I realised that my insecurities were totally unfounded. For most of the people in the VIP area, this event was a chance to show off the expensive dresses and watches and eat exclusive food like caviare and the main race was something that came second or wasn’t even interesting at all. Seeing this type of wealth with my own eyes, it made me feel unwanted and somewhat less important even though it was just a number on a bank account and a better ecological footprint that made me different from these people. I tried shutting these thoughts off, especially when my brain tried telling me that Lando is one of them and has a higher salary than I will ever have once I finished my studies and work as a psychologist. 

This had no impact on me liking him or vice versa, so I should not think about it and instead enjoy the cars passing me with 315 km/h so that you could barely see who was in front and who chased a driver ahead of him.

Thanks to the commentary through the speakers and a big scoreboard at all corners of the room, I could see that Max and Lando were constantly fighting over P1 and changed positions constantly. 

Right now, Lando was the one leading the race. “Norris overtakes Verstappen!” the commentator shouts over the speaker above me. “Two laps to go, can Red Bull catch up with Mclaren or will Norris win his fourth Grand Prix of the season?” As more and more people noticed the energetic voice of the commentator as there was only one more lap to go, they rushed to the windows that I had been standing at for the entirety of the race, not eating a single thing because it felt like betraying my own values. 

Then you should leave and tell Lando to fuck off. 

I ignored my inner thoughts and instead focused solely on the two cars coming closer and closer to the finish line. Lando was still in front, but only less than two meters behind him followed the dark blue car of Max. The tension in the large room was almost palpable and it was as if every person next to me held their breath seconds before Lando’s orange car crossed the checkered flag first and the tension left my body as fast as it came. 

He won. I felt beyond happy to have witnessed this special moment for him and now the excitement inside of me grew even more to see him for a second time. 

Some people in the VIP area cheered because of his win, others seemed rather disappointed by the outcome of this race and the majority of people simply didn’t seem to care and quickly focused back on either their food or their conversation they had with the person in front of them before Lando’s win interrupted it. 

I was happy that I could finally leave this room and the negative impact that it had on my self-confidence. 

When Lando sent me the ticket, he told me he also reserved a spot for me in the Mclaren paddock so I could go there once the race was over and congratulate him in case he had won the race, so I followed the signs through the hallways until I saw a door to the Mclaren paddock. I slowly opened it and found myself in an ocean of papaya-colored shirts and hats and felt incredibly lost by the big number of people. 

Everyone was rushing outside, so I followed the crowd like a shadow until I blinked into the bright sun and only seconds later caught a glimpse at Lando who had the biggest smile on his face as he ran up to his team. Too many people walked up to him at the same time and congratulated him on the magnificent win and Lando seemed to be enjoying the attention like it was the best thing to ever happen in his life. 

He walked around the paddock, shaking hands, smiling and hugging people, before his eyes unexpectedly met mine. The surprise to see me here was written all over his face, before he shot a smile at me that made my stomach twirl in a way that it never did when Lukas did the same thing. 

The magical moment only lasted a few seconds and then Lando had to break our eye contact and continue to hug more team members. 

That was, when his teammate Oscar Piastri walked into the paddock and first of all wrapped Lando in a short hug and then walked over to the side, which unfortunately was right next to me. He looked at me irritated, obviously noticing that I was not wearing anything papaya-colored. “Are you even allowed to be here?” he asked and I tried not to judge him for the arrogant tone in his voice, I understood that he didn’t want anyone in the paddock who did not belong there. 

“Yes, I think so.” I gave him a soft smile, not sure if I was allowed to expose Lando inviting me here. 

He raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me. “That’s what they all say.” 

“No, really.” I point towards Lando. “He invited me.” 

His eyes grew wide for a short second. “Who? Lando?” He chuckled. “Yeah, no way. You better leave right now or I’ll make sure you never step a foot in here ever again.” 

My temperature repeatedly changed from ice cold to standing in a bonfire every two seconds. What should I do now? I was only moments away from getting to speak to Lando again, waiting two entire days before getting to hear his voice again were the longest days in the entire universe. Thankfully, I did not need to worry a second longer because a familiar voice reached my ears and suddenly Lando stood next to me, his eyes wandering from me to Oscar. 

“Good to see you here.” Lando said to me and gave me an innocent, nervous smile. “Congrats on the win, Mr. Racing-is-more-my-thing.” Were my first words I said to him and for a second forgot about Oscar standing right next to us still thinking I am a liar because I got lost in Lando’s appearance. The racing helmet messed up his dark curls and a few pearls of sweat ran down his face, but he was still looking as amazing as when I first met him. 

Oscar then pulled me out of my immovability by clearing his throat. “You know her?” He asked Lando awkwardly, his gaze nervously wandering between the both of us.

He nodded. “Yes, I met her at a bar the other night and invited her here.” For a short moment, his eyes met mine again before he looked over at his teammate. 

Oscar focused back on me. “I am sorry for addressing you like that.” He let out and I only shrugged. 

“I understand. I wouldn’t want someone spying on me as well.” I smiled at him and he nodded before walking away to talk to other members of the team. 

“You already met Oscar?” Lando rhetorically asked with an ironic tone in his voice. “Seems like it.” I laughed. 

A silence built between us when Lando talked again: “So, how was your first Formula 1 race besides nearly getting thrown out of the paddock?” He asked. 

I let out a sigh. “Good, I guess… I still don’t really understand much about the sport, but the speed y’all put on is pretty impressive.” I laughed and stared at his eyes covered in amusement. 

“Sounds like the average first impression that a newby has at a Formula 1 race. You’ll get used to it, promise.” The knowing look in his face made my heart rate rise to an indescribable level. That sounded as if he wanted to see me at more than one race.

Not knowing what to say, I simply grinned at him again. “Looking forward to that.” I breathed out and suddenly the eye contact got more and more intense and the atmosphere between us changed rapidly and all I wanted to do was press my lips onto his. 

He seemed to be feeling the same tension, but was better at resisting the urge. He quickly stepped a few steps away from me and the warmth in my body cooled back down. 

“Thanks for inviting me by the way.” I then said to fill the sudden silence. “I don’t think I want to know what that ticket must’ve cost you.” Or do the drivers get them for free? “Again, no need to thank me, Josie. I love helping you out.” 

“But giving me a VIP ticket is not exactly helping me, so–” 

Lando interrupted me. “Shut up and just accept it, alright?” He told me and had to laugh at his own words. 

“Yes, Sir.” I responded ironically. 

Lando’s gaze suddenly focused on the team behind me and the professional look on his face already told me that he had to leave to do his after-race job. 

“I have to go and celebrate. Meet me in the private parking lot when I am done here?” he asked and I nodded, looking forward to being alone with him. “I’ll send you a message when I am coming.” 

While Lando followed his duties as an f1 driver, I silently admired him during his press interviews and later on the podium at the champagne shower and could not not-notice how hot his racing suit looked on him and that the papaya-orange actually suited him rather brilliantly. 

It was three hours later after our interaction in the paddock that he sent me the long awaited message of meeting me at the parking lot. I walked up to my car and sat down on the hood of my little, red golf that I have been driving for the past 5 years while waiting for him. 

When he walked up to me, now dressed in a team hoodie and a big grin on his face, it felt like something straight out of a romance book. The rich man secretly meets up with the middle-class student at college at night. Just without the night sky and he was rich, but had no problem with introducing me to Oscar. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” He sat down next to me and his leg brushed against mine which made my stomach jump up and down like a little child who was desperate to get that one specific chocolate at the supermarket. 

“Great interviews.” I said and looked at him from the side. 

He shrugged. “Definitely not my favorite part of the job though.” 

“I could tell.” I smiled and loved to play my psychologist-student card on him for the second time.

“Right. I always forget I am talking to a psychologist.” His eyes met mine. “If you don’t mind me asking, what gave it away?” Again, the pure interest in his face for my specialty nearly made me giggle like a little child but I could keep it to myself. The least I wanted was to embarrass myself in front of him. “You looked down on your hands a lot and I saw you fidgeting with your fingers more than once.” I slowly touched his hand to prove my point and felt something similar to an electric shock running through my body as if I touched an electric fence. 

Lando looked down, laughing. “Thanks, Sherlock. You really do notice everything. Is that something you only learn through studying psychology or is it like a talent of yours?” 

His words surprised me in a positive way and I felt weirdly appreciated and valued. I didn’t know what to say and simply stared at him in awe. “What’s wrong?” He quietly laughed. 

“Nothing. I just–” I let out a sigh. “I don’t think anyone has ever cared about my talents before.” Atleast not in the way you do, I silently add, too scared to ruin this moment with too much vulnerability too early.

Lando tilted his head. “Then you never met anyone who truly cares about you.” It seemed that the realization of what he just admitted only reached him after the words had already left his mouth, but he did not care for long. “So, please answer my question?” “I think it’s more of a natural thing to be honest.” I said, doing him the favor. “As far as I can remember, I had always been good at analyzing people and their behavior, especially towards me.” I explained this talent a bit further.

“What do you know about me then?” 

I hesitated. The tension that had been boiling between us at the paddock seemed to be coming back and now that we were alone, I wasn’t sure if I could resist his perfect eyes staring into mine as he watched me closely, waiting for my answer like it was the last thing he would be doing. 

“That you care about me. And that you like having me around, even when we are not alone. I don’t know why, but I think you are yourself around me.” Just realising what I had just said, I cut myself off before hectically trying to explain what I meant by that. “I mean– It’s not like I know you or anything or have the right to just assume these things about you, but–” 

With every word, I felt more embarrassed and simply did not notice Lando moving closer and closer to me and now staring at my lips instead of my eyes. It was only when I could feel his breath on my skin that I realised how close he really was to me. “You’re right. I am myself around you, Josie. And that is why I cannot resist the spell you have on me.” 

Without much hesitation, he lightly pressed his lips onto mine, trying to find out if we are on the same page here. I gave him a very obvious answer by letting my hand slide up to his neck and pulling him further down to me. He moaned into my mouth and his tongue met mine in an eager play of passion and lust. 

Quickly, a simple kiss turned into so much more. The soft smell of vanilla and something so indescribably Lando-like was mixed with sweat from his race and I didn’t think I have ever loved a smell more than this one. My hands moved up to his hair and I gently drowned them in his curls that really did feel as good as they look. 

Landos hands slid under my shirt and softly ran over my back, giving me goosebumps and only increased the feeling of wanting to be impossibly closer to him. He must’ve had the same desire because he pulled me on his lap in a swift motion and I let my hips roll against his body which made us both moan loudly into each other's mouths. 

This kiss felt like my very personal heaven. He felt like heaven, his body so close to mine. When I slowly let go of him and his eyes displayed the same begging for more that I felt in every inch of my body, I knew I was in trouble. I’ve fallen for Lando Norris. 

[prettylittlels]

Special Night

summary: while performing your latest song, Houdini, at the Golden Globes, your performance drives people crazy.

(tom blyth x singer!reader)

a/n: this song has been stuck in my head for the past few weeks and i needed to make a scenario w it. hope you like it!

ps: i'm akso running out of ideas so please send requests!!!

🪻🪩🌃🔮🎶

Tonight, I'm going to perform at the golden globes gala. My latest song, Houdini, has captured everyone's attention and soared thorugh the billboard Top 100. The problem isn't performing the song: I know every lyric and practised every detail of the choreography to the brim. The problem is who I'm performing it to. Hundreds of celebrities I admire and thousands and thousands of people around the world are going to be watching me sing.

-Y/n!- my manager interrupts my thoughts -You're on in two-

-Thanks, Diane - I say back, and start my vocal exercises.

In the middle of my preparation, I listen the host of the night announce my appearance. I smoothen out my little black dress and, slowly, I make my way to the stage. The lights are low and I still can't see anything farther than the edge of the stage. My earbud informs me the song will start in 3, 2, 1...

I come and I go

Tell me all the ways you need me

I'm not here for long

Catch me or I go Houdini

The crowd immediately starts roaring as the song plays for the first time. My choreography is catching everyone's eye. I feel the confidence soaring inside of me. This wasn't so bad as I thought it would be, huh?

I come and I go

Prove you got the right to please me

Everybody knows

Catch me or I go Houdini

The celebrities in front of me stand up one by one and dance to the rythm of the music. Since I was well known for interacting a lot with fans during concerts, why not do the same thing now?

Time is passin' like a solar eclipse

I descend the stairs in one of the stage's corners and the crowd screams even more. Searching for someone to dance with, I find first Anya Taylor Joy, dressed in a beautiful pale blue gown, singing along with me.

See you watchin' and you blow me a kiss

It's your moment, baby, don't let it slip

Come in closer, are you readin' my lips?

I make eye contact with her and blow her a kiss, following the lyrics. Her cheeks go red and laughs with me. I go closer to her and keep on singing along, until I signal to her to look at the camera and strike a pose with me.

They say I come and I go

Tell me all the ways you need me

I'm not here for long

Catch me or I go Houdini

I come and I go

Prove you got the right to please me

Everybody knows

Catch me or I go Houdini

Moving on from Anya, I walk up a couple tables more. Next, I set my eyes on Pedro Pascal, dancing to the rythm with his eyes closed. I look surprised and the camera points towards where I'm looking. The crowd laughs as we dance together.

If you're good enough, you'll find a way

Maybe you could cause a girl to change her ways

Do you think about it night and day?

Maybe you could be the one to make me stay

Pedro spins me around sloppily and I sing and I give him a kiss on the cheek and continue walking down the carpeted hall. The choreography makes an appearance again, with a sexy twist: I drop to my knees suddenly and sing the bridge. I get up again and the most beautiful man fills my vision.

Everything you say is soundin' so sweet (ah)

But do you practice everything that you preach? (Ah)

I stare and get closer to him while singing. He sends a big gummy smile towards me and I try to keep my composure. I notice he's sitting next to Hunter Schafer, my good friend. I make a mental reminder to ask her about it later.

I need something that'll make me believe (ah)

If you got it, baby, give it to me

I walk a little more until I'm looking down at his face and bend down while still singing. Out of impulse, I grab his chin gently and bring him in closer so it looks likr we're kissing. Our lips graze each other's and I feel like an electric discharge electrocuted my entire body. I pull away at the last second and continue walking and dancing, trying not to come back to him.

They say I come and I go

Tell me all the ways you need me

I'm not here for long

Catch me or I go Houdini

I come and I go (I come and I go)

Prove you got the right to please me

Everybody knows (I'm not here for long)

Catch me or I go Houdini

Everyone's mouths are open after my little stunt. I smirk to myself and I decide that's it for today.

If you're good enough, you'll find a way

Maybe you could cause a girl to change her ways

Do you think about it night and day?

Maybe you could be the one to make me stay

I go up the stairs one last time to finish off the performance. The people are cheering for me again. But right now, I only care about one of them now. I search for the mystery man with my eyes all over the place, he's nowhere to be found.

I come and I go

Tell me all the ways you need me

I'm not here for long

Catch me or I go Houdini

I come and I go (I come and I go)

Prove you got the right to please me

Everybody knows (I'm not here for long)

Catch me or I go Houdini

Screams and shouts fill the space when I finish the song. The camera focuses on the people who I've danced with and projects it onto the screens. First, Anya appears smiling and waves to the cameraman. Later, Pedro is still giddy from dancing and whoops loudly. Finally, Tom Blyth, as it says on the bottom of the screen, is clapping like everyone else. There are rests of a blush in his cheeks, but when he looks at the camera, he winks at it and lifts his hand with his pinky and thumb up, signaling a phone, mouthing the words "call me".

The camera switches back to me. I blow the last kiss to the audience and, before leaving, I make a "T" with my hands, and after a second I create a heart.

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

no body, no crime- r.c. x reader

chapter 1- back from the dead

summary: three years after your disappearance you return to the outer banks, only with no recollection of your time away. now that you're back, weird things start happening and everyone seems to be hiding secrets. the nightmare is far from over.

warnings: 18+ MDNI because of dark themes like mentions of murder, violence, possibly drugs, etc. swearing and possible sexual themes. guys, i'm gonna mark this as mature because there are still things from the story that i have no idea whether or not i'll include them. just know that if you aren't ok with topics related to crime then don't read it <3 take care of yourself first!! BTW rafe is the love interest so for obvious reasons he's included as a warning lmaooo

a/n: it's the first chapter so it's kind of boring but the next one i think will be better. alsooo my first language isn't english so bear with me, ok? i think i can handle myself pretty well but just in case. eeee i'm so excited for this story, it's been in my head for a while ever since i saw the announcement for gone girl (her other works are included as well) by @sematarygirls, like it's amazing. GO READ IT. I'M SO INTRIGUED. yes, i'm a groupie, sue me.

masterlist

okkk here we goooo.

Beep, beep, beep.

God, my back is killing me. Why is it so cold? Ugh, and what is that smell?

Beep, beep, beep.

I open my eyes and am greeted with a Styrofoam ceiling. What the fuck? I turn my head and see a heart monitor at my side.

Beep, beep, beep.

I lift my right arm, only to be held back by an IV.

Beep beep beep, beep beep beep, beep beep beep.

My heartbeat started to rise, the monitor starting to shriek. Why am I in the hospital? I try to sit up only to be met with dizziness and a headache.

Beep beep beep beep beep.

Oh my god, oh my god. Tears sprung to my eyes and I started to hyperventilate, but right when I was about to scream a nurse came rushing inside of the room.

“Honey, honey. Its ok. You’re ok.” She tried to soothe me, but I wasn’t having it. Why couldn’t I remember anything?

The beeping sound was beginning to drive me insane.

“Why am I here? What happened?” I asked.

“Honey, everything is fine. You’re just recovering, ok?” She looked at me with kind eyes, sort of like a motherly stare. “Take deep breaths, alright? I will explain everything, but I need you to remain calm. Can you do that for me?”

I did as she asked and nodded. She searched my face to see if I was better and when she seemed satisfied, she sat down.

“first of all, how are you feeling?” I’m freaking out here, that’s what.

“I feel dizzy and my head and back hurt a lot.” I closed my eyes because I was starting to get nauseous.

I heard her stand up, “I'll be right back, honey.”

I nodded but when I opened my eyes she was gone. As I waited, I looked around my hospital room. I saw a vase full of dying red and white roses with a “Get well soon!” Balloon attached on top of a desk and a small refrigerator under it. There was a windowsill with a recliner chair to its side with a brown woman’s bag sitting on it and a grey hoodie, like someone had stepped outside for a minute. The walls were light blue, almost white with generic paintings and a flatscreen tv, with a clock above it, perched on the one opposite of my bed. The room smelled of alcohol and medicine, with something else mixed that seemed to be characteristic of hospitals. I hated it.

I heard the door click open and a middle-aged doctor with greying hair stepped inside, alongside the nurse from earlier. She looked at me sympathetically while the doctor came to my side. His voice was deep when he spoke, “Hello, I’m Dr. Geller and I oversee your medical treatment. Can you tell me how you are feeling?”

I frowned, “Hi. Um, my head hurts and my entire body.”

He nodded, “That is to be expected of your condition.” I waited for him to elaborate but he began writing on a file I hadn’t noticed he’d brought in with him. “Ms. Clark, can you please give Ms. Gilbert her medication? The effects are wearing off.”

The nurse nodded and left only to return a minute later. She approached my IV silently, before injecting whatever it was into it. I assumed it was morphine or something. She smiled at me kindly, “you’ll be feeling better soon, dear.” I smiled and thanked her while she stepped aside to leave the doctor some space. I looked at her while the doctor kept writing and saw that she had a tattoo that I couldn’t quite distinguish on the inside of her wrist. Her hair was dark brown, falling on soft waves down to her shoulders. She couldn’t be more than 30, but there was a mature air to her that intrigued me.

Finally, Dr. Geller turned to me only to tell me that we should wait until my mother returned from wherever she had gone. That must’ve been her things on the recliner, then. I was beginning to feel drowsy from the medication, so I simply agreed and closed my eyes. I heard the doctor tell the nurse that they should leave me to rest and then the door close. Then it all went black.

I heard faint voices near me. My lids were heavy, so I just lay there listening.

“Mrs. Gilbert. You cannot take her home just yet. Her condition is very fragile still. She’s just been awoken from the induced coma; her body needs time to recover,” I realized it was Dr. Geller from earlier and he sounded frustrated.

A woman’s voice replied, “My daughter can continue her treatment from our home. You don’t understand, she’s still in danger and there’s not much I can do to protect her here.” Protect me? From what?

“Elaine, I understand your fears, but she needs to stay. If her condition were to complicate, we can help her here right away, whereas if she leaves, she won’t have the necessary resources at her disposal. It would not be right on my part nor recommended to allow her to go home. It puts her health at risk, her brain and body are still very fragile.”

“I can pay you anything to continue her treatment from our home, but I cannot allow her to disappear again,” the woman, my mother, started sobbing. Disappear? What the fuck is going on?

I was finally able to open my eyes, and I managed to speak, “Mom?”

“Oh honey!” She ran to my side and hugged me softly, careful not to pull the IV. Her tears spilled and wet my hospital robe. She pulled back to brush my hair out of my face, “how are you? I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’m tired and I have this horrible back pain. I feel like I’m 80,” I chuckled awkwardly. She laughed as well and kissed my forehead, “I missed your stupid jokes during serious times.”

“Ms. Gilbert. I have a few questions for you,” the doctor interrupted something else my mother was going to say. She stepped back to allow him to come into my view.  He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes and what seemed like a permanent sour expression on his face, aggravated by my mom’s nagging.

“Can you tell me your first and last name?”

I nodded, “Y/n gilbert.”

“Your date of birth?”

“Your birthday, 2003.”

“Can you tell me what year it is?”

“Um, 2022?” He frowned and I saw my mother and him share a glance.

“Do you have any recollection of the events that led to your current state?” His eyes scanned my face in search of something, though I couldn’t think of what.

“I don’t, but it must’ve been tough for how recked I feel,” I chuckle but they don’t reciprocate my attempt at lightening the mood. Gosh, why are they so sullen?

“Do you remember anything prior to your waking up?” I racked my brain for a quick answer.

“Well, the last thing I remember was going to the beach with my friends.” I really don’t know, it’s just the first thing that popped into my head and all this questioning was beginning to bother me.

“Do you remember what day it was?” He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. God, dude lay off.

“Um, no?”

“Do you remember which friends?”

I sighed and said the first names that popped into my head, “Sarah and Kiara?”

“Anybody else?” Dude.

“No, sir.” He seemed like he wanted to ask more so I just said my head was starting to feel foggy.

“Alright, I’ll leave you to rest.” He turned to my mom and said, “Could you accompany me outside?”

She glanced at me to see if I was good with that and I nodded, “I’m ok, go.”

She smiled softly and leaned down to kiss my forehead, “I’ll be right back.”

“Ok.”

As soon as they left, I relaxed. I tried to come up with more memories but their voices outside distracted me.

My mom spoke first, “She said it was 2022. She doesn’t remember anything from the past three years. Is that possible?” Three years? It was 2025?

The doctor sighed, “Temporary memory loss and mental fogginess are possible when a patient has a third-degree concussion. It is important to remember that the events of these past three years have been very traumatic. Therefore, her brain might have blocked said memories to protect itself. We must give her time to recover, which is why I recommend she stays until her condition is stable enough to return home.”

I heard my mother sigh, “alright, but I should call the police now that she is awake. They can send someone to guard her.” The police? Alright, maybe this is just a fever dream because nothing makes sense.

“Yes, you should let them know, but I wouldn’t suggest they question her yet. It might make her anxious and affect her progress. Patients in these circumstances need to be in a peaceful environment to heal.” His tone left no space for discussion.

My mom sighed and agreed. I heard her thank him and she came back inside. I closed my eyes quickly and pretended to be asleep. I really didn’t want to face scrutiny right now, much less her hovering. I felt her looking at me and then heard her sit down on what must’ve been the recliner chair. I opened my eyes slightly and I see that she is typing rapidly on her phone, only to be followed by a buzz. That continues for a while until she looks at the clock on top of the tv and mutters something to herself. She then got up and went to what I could only assume was the bathroom. I heard the faint noise of the faucet and slowly started drifting to sleep.

“How do you like it?” I turn and see my mom standing behind me at the door of my bedroom. I figured she’d changed something while I was gone so I said, “its really nice, mom. Thanks.”

I could tell she didn’t quite believe me but ignored it. She set my bags on the ground with a small smile, “I’m so happy you’re back. We’ve all missed you so much.” I assumed she meant my dad and my sister. She is 18 now. She’d been 15 when I left disappeared.

“I missed you guys too.” She hugged me, careful not to hurt me as I was still a bit injured from the accident.

She stepped back and rested her hands on my shoulders, “I just want you to know that I am here for you. All of us, ok?”

I nodded and smiled softly, “I know, Mom. It’s going to be ok, don’t worry.” My words felt hollow because everything about this place wasn’t ok. I felt weird, like I didn’t belong.

“Alright, honey. I’ll leave you to settle in, I’m sure this is all very overwhelming. Your father will be home tomorrow from his business trip and Eleanor is out with Wheezie. She’ll be home later I assume.” I was a bit relieved at being practically alone in the house. My mother was more than enough to manage and at least I’d be able to craft possible answers that would get me the least number of questions.

“That’s ok, thanks mom.” She took that as her cue to leave so she nodded and closed the door behind her.

I sighed, “finally.” I was now able to get a clear view of my new living situation. The bedroom was huge, like everything in figure 8 seemed. The walls were white, which added to the expansiveness of the room. The golden bed frame with dark green sheets was pushed against the far-left corner of the room, leaving a clear view of the door, while opposite it was a wall with a built-in dark wooden bookshelf. It had a moving stair and all. Christ, talk about over the top.

Next to the bed was a window seat with frilly white curtains and dark red cushions on the seat that I normally wouldn’t prefer with the green from the bed, yet somehow managed to look cohesive. The dresser was beside me, next to the door and next to it was a small vanity with perfumes, makeup and jewelry. It was all very tasteful, and I surprisingly liked it. Next to the wall with the bookshelf was an entryway and when I stepped through, I saw it was a walk-in closet to my right and to the left a bathroom. I really wanted to check out the closet, but I really wanted to shower so I undressed and walked into the bathroom. It wasn’t very big, but it wasn’t small either. The walls had a beautiful forest mural, and the golden framed mirror faced the door. The faucet was a bird with clear knobs that matched with the mirror and candle sticks attached to the wall. The basin was set on dark green marble top and the cabinet underneath the same dark wood that was in the rest of the bedroom. I saw that inside the shower was a small shelf with shampoo and soap, so I opened the glass door and read the labels. Vanilla scented, huh. Whatever, I guess. I then turned on the water and let my muscles relax. It felt so good and when I started washing my hair, I realized the smell wasn’t overpowering. It was like a mix of caramel and chocolate underlying the vanilla scent. It made me hungry, fuck. I really didn’t want to go back downstairs under my mother’s hovering. After finishing, I went to the closet and turned on the light. Holy shit. It was every girl’s dream. Boots, sneakers, heels, sandals, you name it, lined the opposite wall of me. And to my left, well, dresses and bags of all different shapes and sizes. Jeans were next, with hoodies, and fancy shirts and pants, though they weren’t what I wanted to wear right now so I figured the comfortable clothes were in the dresser. I was proved right and settled for grey sweats and a matching top. I went back to the closet and found a pair of slippers, so I put them on and went outside, with my hair wrapped in a towel.

The smell of food immediately invaded my nostrils, and I felt like one of those cartoons that float when they smell something good. In the kitchen was my mother steering something on the stove and sitting on the seats by the island were two girls. They were all in deep conversation, so they didn’t notice me standing there awkwardly. I contemplated turning around and heading back upstairs but my stomach growled as if in protest. Traitor.

They turned and fell silent when they saw me. One of them had a face that was like my mom’s with her same-colored hair and skin tone and the other had dark hair and glasses with pale skin. Eleanor and Wheezie.

Eleanor stood up and ran towards me, engulfing me in a hug that caught me by surprise. After a second, I hugged her back and smelled the same scent in which I had bathed. She must have picked them out then. She then started shaking and I realized she was crying. My eyes welled up and I held her tighter to me.

“Hey, its ok.” I ran my fingers through her hair.

“I missed you so much, I thought I’d lost you,” her voice was muffled by my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I honestly did not know what else to say and I realized it was the best I could come up with to explain how I felt. I somehow could not shake that this was all my fault.

As if she read my thoughts, she lifted her head and frowned, “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault.”

My mother interrupted before I could respond, “Honey, are you hungry? I made your favorite.” Which was?

“Yeah, I could eat,” I laughed when my stomach growled again. Eleanor let me go but took my hand as if afraid I might disappear again. I sat down next to her as my mom served us. I thanked her and started eating. God, it was so good. I could see why it was my favorite.

“Oh, this is Wheezie. Sarah’s little sister.” I looked up and smiled at her.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Now that I was closer, I could see the similarities with her sister, specifically her eyes.

She smiled at me shyly, “I’m good. How are you?” No fucking clue.

“I’m alright, tired mostly. How’s school?” I attempted to shift the conversation away from me and I could tell she noticed.

“Meh. At least its our final year and then we’re off to college.”

“College? Already?” I looked at my mom and she lowered her gaze, avoiding mine.

Eleanor spoke softly, “Yeah, you were gone awhile.” Right.

I stared at my plate in silence, feeling sick. The kitchen suddenly felt too hot, and my clothes were too close to my skin and my heart started beating rapidly, overcoming any other sound. My mom noticed and hurried to my side, lifting me up and catching me when my legs gave out.

And then everything went black.

dividers by: @yeossemble tyyyy

if anyone wants to be tagged lmk <3

also why is tumblr low-key a pain in the ass to write in? holy shit man.

[donutwatches]

MHA 3.3 - Kota - part 1/3

This is a watch-a-long blog, so no spoilers past this episode please!

Didn't he already do that last season? Did I imagine that? I love that his training is creating the perfect bath temperature.

Apparently Midoriya's training is getting beaten up by a furry. I wonder what he is going to tell his Mom when she asked him what he got up to at summer camp? "Well...there were these park rangers dressed as cats".

What would class 1A do without Iida keeping it together 24/7? Everyone is dead on their feet, but Iida is like "Look alive people, we're about to make the greatest curry of all time".

HIS TINY SMILE. This was a small detail, but it was so moving. Just lighting a fire for cookin and making his classmates smile made him happy. In seasons 1&2 he was so shut off socially.

He is finding out that the part of his quirk that he rejected and hated for so long can help people, and that he can use it in a positive way.

Momo's power comes from food! She can make weapons from her body by eating cake, what a dream.

"It's like poo". Sero, noooooo! Why did he have to make it gross? lol

There is a full doozy essay incoming. I went ham. So don't click 'keep reading' unless you actually want to keep READING.

What Kota says in this episode got me spiraling into essay territory. Kota's point of view has helped a lot of MHA's themes click into place for me, but these thoughts have been brewing for me since season 1.

Categorizing people and placing labels on them can lead to dehumanization. The 'villain' label makes people who commit crimes less than human, and the 'hero' label elevates people into being more than human. Either way, dehumanizing people has consequences, and in Kota's perspective, it got his parents killed.

Someone labeled as a 'villain' can think, well I'm already called a villain, I might as well act that way. Someone labelled as a 'hero' is pressured to live up to being put on a pedestal, and that can lead to failure, or hypocrisy (like Endeavor's outside hero image conflicting with behind closed doors abuse).

The villains versus heroes narrative feeds a cycle where they are in perpetual competition with each other to negative results for the community. As if crime and justice are the same as competing sports teams, like red team vs blue team. This leads to what Kota says, "they're all showing off", and end up "killing each other".

I have had jobs where I worked with kids, and I saw social labeling play out. Some kids got labeled as 'trouble makers'. The kids saw that they got attention for challenging behavior, and it got worse. I have heard a kid state "I'm a bad kid" outright, and they internalized that as part of their identity. It is hard to undo the damage.

It reminds me of Shinso from last season, as an example of a teen being labeled a villain by his peers. He fought hard to reject being put in that category, but many real life teens don't escape the labeling.

There are also kids that get singled out as 'golden children'. These kids feel pressured to be perfect, and can struggle with their flawed human identity not matching their 'golden' reputation.

Bakugo is an example of an over-praised kid that develops a superiority complex. He is insecure about not being the best, because he was categorized as 'the best' at age five. I think 'troublemaker' versus 'golden child' is a small scale version of the 'villain' versus 'hero' in MHA.

These categories lead us to making blanket assumptions about individuals who fit the right image. All might is the symbol of peace, so he must be perfect, right? But the show reveals that All Might, while he is a good man, is a flawed human being. We see him struggling to upkeep the shiny symbol he has created, at the cost of his health and social life.

I wonder if MHA is going to explore a villain that could have been a good citizen, but got trapped by how society has cornered them into a 'villain' labeled box? I think this might be the major theme of the entire story. I've cracked it, I can stop here, I don't even need to watch anymore episodes, bye! ;p

"My friend", ok Deku, you're not fooling anyone.

The starry night backgrounds in this scene are beautiful!

This montage of Midoriya trying to force a quirk to happen almost killed me.

It takes me back to the 1st episode where Deku's opening line is "we are not all created equal", and the episode shows us both him and Bakugo being put into opposite social boxes based on their quirks.

Deku was labeled bad/useless because he was quirkless, and this flashback underlines how much it hurt him, but he was saved by how strongly he held to his ideals of heroism. That is the positive flip side of the 'hero' label. It gave Deku something to look up to and live for.

Kota isn't ready to accept that rejecting the realities of hero society is going to be more painful in the long run. He is too little, and trying to process so much grief, it breaks my heart.

What also breaks my heart, is that Deku is speaking from experience. He has lived quirkless in a hero society, and rejecting the reality of his quirkless-ness back then caused him a lot of hurt too.

This is such a great exchange. MHA doesn't do a lot of quieter character building moments, but this talk between Kota and Deku was so good.

Part 2 is here

Masterlist

TAGLIST

@jessiedead @blackaquokat @granny-griffin @champion-prism @bicheetopuff @setfiretotheshadows @hyperfixations-and-cringe

[mi-co-uk]

coming clean

blue!reader x saviour!matt

WARNINGS: descriptions of bruising, implications of DA/DV, interactions with someone @bus!ve, fear - panic attacks, language, vague mentions of SH, self hate. the series itself will contain heavy angst , fluff and smut 𖦹

I've never written a fic before so any feedback and support is appreciated !

p.s im dyslexic lmao

2.1k words

pls enjoy <3

MASTERLIST

prev parts: intro / 1 / 2 / 3

CHAPTER 4

MATT'S POV

my ears were ringing with a mix of frustration, fear, confusion and anger- the guilt sets in as soon as I realise she sees my anger. I breathe deeply before responding.

"you went back to his house?" I said lowly, a slight hint of irritation creeping in unintentionally.

she slowly nods taking a small step back away from the kitchen table and towards the sink. I know it's not specifically me that she's scared of but now all my emotions are wiped other than my regret.

I relax my hands holding them by my sides in a more open gesture to before- taking a step back to give her more room (despite already having almost 3 meters between us).

she's still gripping the whiteboard and cries softly as she wipes off her initial message and begins writing a new one.

'I just went to get my stuff , I'm really sorry'

she holds it up towards me, refusing to make eye contact.

"look, its- it's okay. it's just not safe. did anything happen? are- are you like, okay?"

she sniffs, her sobs subsiding as she nods but still stares towards the kitchen table.

how could nothing have happened?

"I'm not trying to yknow be right or anything I just wanna make sure you're okay. you um- you don't have to say what happened but, did he see you? did he hurt you?" I try my best to be careful with my phrasing, not wanting to make matters worse.

she doesn't answer me. her hyperventilated breathing switches to a complete lack of it. fuck.

"it's okay- it's okay." I try to kill the silence while still trying to get a grip on my train of thought. "I can get you bandaids or um bandages a-and some ice if you need it?"

my eyes scan around her frame frantically trying to see any indication of blood, bruises, scratches- just anything. which is made difficult by her baggy clothes- my clothes.

she finally looks up at me momentarily, before moving her attention back to the whiteboard.

'ice please'

she's sat in the fetal position in the corner of the couch. I walk over holding an ice pack, wrapped in a cloth. I sit beside her before handing it over- taking note of her hesitant expression.

"what's up? you okay?"

her eyes gesture towards her thighs. I feel awful.

"oh um- I-I can give you some space I'm sorry - it's okay" I get up and head towards the kitchen table, sitting down and facing away from the sofa- partially.

she tugs down the sweatpants I let her borrow - way too big for her but she's comfortable. on the first morning she was here, I let her scroll on various clothing websites so she could pick out some stuff she liked. she only picked the essentials- I'd already offered for her to wear my clothes which i think meant she didn't see shirts or pants as essential, feeling too guilty to ask for much. while my heart feels warm seeing her in my clothes, it quickly gets shot down when I think about why. she wears them with the strings pulled and knotted tight around her hips aswell as cuffed at the bottom of the legs.

I peer out the corner of my eyes- it's hard not to. in the moment I try to rationalise it by saying that I'm looking to see any serious damage to her, but the real reason for this (and probably everything I'm doing) is my pent up feelings for her. the curiosity gets interrupted when she's finished tugging them down and I can see the full extent of her bruising.

oh my god.

her skin has large red and purple blemishes- the newest ones. not only these but there's scattered bruises indicating various ages- blueish ones, yellowish ones, brown ones. some I can tell are from someone's fingertips. there's also some scarring- clearly intentional ones. knowing her history, it's hard to tell if they are hers or his.

she places the covered ice pack on the largest of the new bruises. I watch as she gently moves her finger across the other bruises, wincing when she goes over another red one.

I shouldn't have looked but now that I know she needs another ice pack I have no choice but to get her one. I dig around in the freezer for a bag of frozen vegetables, wrapping that in another cloth. I grab some pain killers from the cupboard and water out the refrigerator, heading in her direction while averting my eyes from her legs.

she looks up at me with her wide eyes- seemingly not embarrassed.

I begin to pass her the medicine and water but she taps the space next to her. I place myself down, holding various items to help her. she doesn't seem uncomfortable - the closest thing to a positive emotion I think she could get right now. she removes the cool from my lap and places it on her other leg, trying to get a comfortable position that also holds up both packs. I watch her with undoubtedly sympathetic eyes while I try to think of ways to cheer her up.

READER'S POV

I hope matt doesn't see less of me.

he's leant back on the couch next to me. I think one of the hardest parts about being around him is the fact that I really want to be. its so easy to be around him - I feel comfortable, safe and there's a third feeling I try desperately to bury down.

the scattered bruises have begun to cool down, finally dulling the burning ache. I lay back on the couch, relaxing my body, exhaling loudly. I turn my head towards matt, seeing him already staring down at me. he looks calm. I flicker my eyes back and forth between his. he does the same, quickly flicking towards my mouth for a quick second but immediately darting back to my eyes as if with regret. I shuffle closer, burying my head in the crook of his neck and gripping his shirt to relax into him further. his arm reaches across the side of the couch and around my waist. the embrace is the most comforting I've had for years.

I think back to last night. seeing him again. having to kiss him again - feel him again. it was horrible before but knowing now how gentle and simple love could be now, all of the time, it felt even worse somehow.

he was stood in front of the stairs when I opened the door. I didn't expect him to be awake. I had hoped desperately that he was asleep.

"where y'been." he spoke roughly.

my entire body feels like I'm being stabbed by millions of tiny needles. my fight or flight going off the radar. I push my back against the front door.

"y'ignoring me or still not talkin'?" he steps closer and I'm frozen in fear. he reaches towards me - his fingertips brushing over my neck where the bruise still sits.

"a week is pretty fucking long. I was worried about you."

his fingertips start to increase their pressure on my neck.

"yknow you left me right? abandoned me? had me hurting myself, all worried and shit."

he reaches behind me and locks the front door, maintaining eye contact.

"ya with someone? someone take you?"

his thumb caresses my cheek.

"I never meant to hurt you." liar. "yknow that?"

he leans his head down pressing his lips to my cheek, slowly trailing down to the bruise on my neck as his grip on me tightens a little. "it's been so long. I needed you." he continues in-between the kisses. "say something,"

he physically detaches himself from me completely, staring me dead in the eyes with a look void of emotion. "you're serious?" I nod at him, mt finger indicating towards my neck. he sighs and heads towards the couch. "cmon" he mutters as he walks. I walk over slowly, trailing behind him and watching as he scrambles around for some scrap paper and a pen.

this isn't the first time I'd ran away. the first time I ran to a hospital - begging them with my out of control bloody nose to not let him find me. I couldn't bare it anymore. I hadn't been able to bare it a long time before that. they assured me he wouldn't get in. they promised me. then there he was, walking in as if he owned the place and stood by my hospital bed; whispering sweet lies about how he'd be better, how he loved me and how he didn't mean to. it was bullshit and I knew it. but I can pinpoint the exact moment I gave in.

he caressed my hand with his thumb - the way he used to when we were better. I watched as tears brimmed his waterline and I watched as he covered his face with his palm, quietly sobbing. thats when my guard - my resistance dropped. "i-i can go if you want. I can go and I'll never see you again. b-but know that I didn't mean to. I really never meant to hurt you. please believe me." he weeped, holding my palm with both his hands as if pleading for me to love him still. I still can't tell who was more pathetic in that moment.

I'm sat next to him now as he slides the paper and pen across the glass table towards me.

"go on. write something." I tap the pen against it, not knowing where to start. "tell me what you're here for" he encourages, eyes full or faux sympathy.

there's always these moments that made me feel like I could be okay. the weekend I left, we'd almost had the most perfect day ever. he was off work, decided I'd been good enough to head to some stores. there was an adorable vintage store where he bought me my favourite band CDs and he even let me stock up on snacks in the house. he was smiling. he was happy. and that meant I could be happy. but then we ran into nick and chris. he wasn't happy at all after that. he felt threatened.

my heartbeat begins to thud louder than my thoughts, unsure of any excuses i could make that wouldnt get me into trouble. my eyes flicker toward his - a new idea sparking in my head on how to keep relatively safe and get what I need to. a stupid idea. his eyes peer into mine and I take the opportunity to gently press my lips to his. he relaxes into me, gripping my hair to deepen the kiss. i think it's the first time I had ever kissed him first. I went from being a nervous teenager, too shy to initiate anything, then to who I am now and not having a choice in the matter. my hands hesitantly are placed on his shoulder while his hands move to my hips - digging into my skin. he didn't question it. probably too taken aback with what happened to try and interrupt it with questions.

I woke up alone, naked but he'd at least taken the time to cover me with a blanket. a note was on the paper in front of me.

'@ work. help yourself to anything. I'm really glad you're home and I'll try to get off early. love u.'

fuck you.

I stand up immediately, rushing to put my clothes back on and running up the stairs to the bedroom. I grab a bag and pack it with the items I deem most vital. panties, bras, my notebooks, my sketchbooks and pencils, some old polaroid photos I'd somehow managed to keep all these years. there's one more thing I need. I root around all the drawers in a hurry. pulling them out, scurrying through them and closing them again.

where.

I pant heavily, hands gripping my face to try and ward off a panic attack. I check one of the drawers off the closet. lifting out various items.

got it.

I put everything back in, desperately trying to keep everything as neat as it had been previously. I run down the stairs, still hyperventilating from pure terror. I push open the door, taking large strides away from the house and ignoring the fact that I'd left it unlocked. the fear sets in deeper. I start speed walking - faster and faster until I'm sprinting up the street. it's a relatively simple journey to matt's house now that I know where it is. I memorised the streets names on my way down to ensure I could get back to him. I kept running, stifling sobs as I went.

the house was quiet when I got back, im grateful that they all tend to sleep until late morning. I slowly creep into matt's room, finally breathing at a regular pace. i cautiously bury the bag under the bed - my passport secure inside it - before slipping into my sleep clothes. I don't bother leaving the room, convinced that he's deep asleep and not wanting to make further noise and draw attention to myself. i slide under the covers on the opposite side of the bed to matt, I struggle to bury down the emotions I'd been putting off.

I'm done. I'm done. he's gone.

gone. he's gone.

it's over.

but as usual I can still feel his hands on me.

the hand I let him put on me.

and I fucking hate myself for it.

𐙚🧸ྀི

a/n , I tried to be really careful with this, this is a topic personal to me so I think I'm okay at knowing certain triggers and the right way to talk about this topic but if anyone has a criticism in my way of talking about it , please tell me so I can do better <3

alsooo matt stuff very very soon !! this is probably the last part of just setting up the scene

꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱ - mi

tags: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @faiyaz555 @izzylovesmatt

(let me know if you only want to be tagged to certain fics of anything I don't mindd)

[theragethatisdesire]

dall'inizio - eren x reader, 18+!!!!

welcome back to the ti penso universe everyone!!!! this is a continuation/prequel of the little series we've followed from my first eren x reader fic. i was really interested to see how they met and ....unsurprisingly, it's a one night stand that doesn't turn out as planned. this one is also super fun because we get to hear from both eren AND reader alternatively, plus reader is a confident, bad bitch and we love that for her. this one goes out to @philliam-writes bc ik you love this eren as much as i do!!!!!! here's ur part 3 bestie >:)

if you'd like to catch up and meet our eren x reader, find them here:

(1) ti penso ogni giorno

(2) nel bene e nel male

pairing: eren x afab reader

wc: 6.7k

DISCLAIMER: this post contains MATURE CONTENT that is intended only for those over 18. if you are a minor, please do not read below the cut.

CWs: smut (duh), consensual hook-up, rough sex, biting, dirty talk, oral sex (fem!receiving), alcohol/drug use (just weed nothing crazy), cussing, penetrative vaginal sex, swearing, use of names (baby), crying, multiple orgasms, eren being a lovestruck idiot (and so are you if you're being honest)

title (as always) means "from the beginning" in italian i'm obsessed with them <3

-

“You look like a whore,” Ymir says bluntly, dragging her eyes over your outfit– or, lack thereof.

“It’s not that bad,” you wave her off, turning back to the mirror to tug at the hem of your little black slip. You do look like a whore, but it’s intentional. You haven’t gotten laid in three months– your friends have been calling you dramatic, but that’s a lot, okay? You’re in college, you’re supposed to sleep around, right?

On top of that, your last few situationships just haven’t quite…well, they weren’t bad, but they didn’t scratch the itch. You desperately need a fuck– not just a fuck, a good fuck, and you have a feeling tonight’s going to be the night. It’s Halloween, the international holiday for running around in basically zero clothes, and you’ve taken great care to adhere to that tradition.

“Are you a mouse?” Historia wrinkles her nose at you from her spot at the vanity in the corner. She’s in a dalmatian costume; cute, spotted ears sticking up from her blonde hair, blue collar tinkling when she cocks her head at you.

“I’m a fucking cat,” you mutter, drawing a black triangle of eyeliner on the tip of your nose, “I didn’t have time for a real costume.”

“She just wants to get laid,” Mikasa announces, pushing through the studio apartment door with a huff, arms laden with plastic bags that are making a tell-tale clinking sound, “it’s been like, two whole weeks.”

“Three months!” You correct her, defensive.

“I understand,” Ymir, appropriately dressed as Cruella de Vil, grins, “it’s been…what, Stor? Two hours?”

“Ymir!” Historia, scandalized, flushes a furious red. Both you and Mikasa are unphased; in the last four months they’ve been together, the three feet they’re sitting from one another now is the farthest apart you’ve seen them.

“I’m not a whore,” you turn around, hands on hips, “I just…it’s been awhile since I had good sex. Floch was–”

“The worst?” Mikasa finishes for you. You hate how well she knows you; even after less than two years of knowing each other, she can practically read your mind.

“Yeah, you may have mentioned that once or twice,” Historia turns back to the mirror, immediately disinterested. “Or a thousand times.”

You throw your hands up, turning back to the mirror to finish your whiskers. “So none of you can blame me.”

“While you two,” Mikasa points between Ymir and Historia accusingly, “have been screwing like rabbits, and you,” her black-painted fingernail finds its way to you, “have been trying to figure out how to sleep with half of Manhattan, I took the liberty of actually making plans for us.”

“Jean’s?” You raise a knowing eyebrow at her, grateful to put someone else in the hot seat for the night. Mikasa’s cheeks tinge pink. Busted.

“He’s throwing a party, yeah,” she answers slowly, trying to talk her way around her obvious attraction to him, “but it’s not those douchebags he usually hangs out with. My best friend from home, Eren, just got into town, and,” she looks at you pointedly, “some of his friends are actually cute.”

You’re unconvinced. “Pictures?”

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Mikasa bites her lip mischievously, “but if you take a few tequila shots with me, I might be persuaded to show you one or two.”

You’re dubious. Mikasa’s definitely shown you a photo of these guys before, and you don’t remember a standout in the lineup. This Eren character, however…Mikasa has a framed picture on her bedside nightstand of them in high school, and you remember him being sort of cute. Dark, short-cropped hair, big green eyes so wide and earnest that he almost reminded you of a movie character. That picture was three or four years old now so…who knows? Maybe he’d grown into his features.

“Eren’s a no-go, though,” Mikasa continues, knowing your exact train of thought of course, pouring out shots of lukewarm, cheap tequila. Your stomach gurgles in protest at the smell as you accept yours. “He’s a nightmare to women, trust me.”

“Who knows,” Ymir pipes up, nodding her head towards you, “she’s a nightmare to men, so.”

“I am not a nightmare,” you narrow your eyes, “I just don’t like to be tied down, that’s all.”

“You’ll have to be at some point,” Historia argues, smiling when Ymir slips a hand into hers. You wrinkle your nose, uninterested.

“It’s 2018, Stor, not very feminist of you,” you tut, throwing back your shot and practically choking it down. Ick.

“I’m a lesbian, how much more feminist can I get?”

“Touché.”

“Just promise me you won’t get wrapped up with him?” Mikasa eyes you, still not trusting the glint of curiosity in your eye.

Ymir crosses her arms over her chest. “Are you positive you like Jean and not this Eren dude?”

Mikasa makes a fake retching sound. “Eren’s practically my brother. I’ve seen his bare ass more times than I can count. Way past the attraction threshold, trust me. I just…I know him. And I know you,” she glares at you, “it’s a toss-up as to who would do more damage to the other.”

“I’ll behave,” you placate her, throwing your arms around her shoulders, “…maybe.”

-

Eren might puke. No, wait, he’s going to puke– oh, no, just an unbelievably loud burp. Eren smiles contentedly, feeling much better even as it stinks up the entire taxi. Connie leans over Armin, scrunches his nose and squints his eyes.

“That fucking reeks, dude!”

“Sorry,” Eren shrugs, turning his head back to the window and ignoring Armin and Connie’s complaints. They were all a few beers deep- what did they expect? 

Eren’s lived a few hours outside of New York City all his life, but he’s never been, except maybe once or twice for field trips as a kid. He never remembered it looking like this, though: each little apartment twinkled like a star, giving the wall of skyscrapers the appearance of the night sky. Even as the cab screeches and jerks in the Lower West Side traffic, Eren feels like he’s in a spaceship, free and flying amongst the stars. 

Maybe he could talk to Zeke, convince him to move their little operation out of their garage and into the city. There was money here, right? And plenty of musicians who weren’t quite good enough to get signed by any major labels…

“Mikasa says she and her friends will be over in five,” Armin squints at his phone screen, holding it far away from him like an old man to type a response. Eren nearly rolls his eyes.

“Would you just get some fucking glasses already?”

“Annie said they made me look nerdy,” Armin shrugs. Connie groans.

“You two broke up like, a year ago–”

“Six months,” Armin corrects him, eyes growing sadder by the second.

“Okay, six months, whatever, we’ve got to get you laid tonight, dude.”

Eren lets the two slip into an argument about the “appropriate amount of time” to wait to sleep with someone after a breakup, much preferring his unusually contemplative mood to Connie and Armin’s bickering after their four-hour train ride together. He smiled to himself; God, it would be good to see Mikasa again. He wouldn’t have admitted it at gunpoint, but she was practically his mom growing up, and she’d been gone for over a year, only visiting for Christmas. Rumor had it that she’d been spending a lot of time with Jean as of late, so he needed to see what that was all about, too.

And who had Eren been spending a lot of time with lately? No one but bar rats and slim pickings from the frat parties at Trost University near his hometown. When was the last time he’d even gotten laid? A month? Two? Her name had been Jenna…no, Jenny? Josephina? Fuck, he should remember that. Eren needs to get laid, regardless, but if he dares to step near any of Mikasa’s friends, she’ll kill him, he knows that from experience. Then again, maybe this weird-ass Jean situation would come in handy. If Mikasa ends up distracted…

“Excuse me!” Armin disturbs his thoughts once again; Eren scowls. “Excuse me, sir? I think we’re here.”

Eren pays for the cab. Armin had bought the train tickets and the chain-gang costumes they were all currently sporting, and Connie was always flat broke, insisting his music career would work out soon. That could be Eren’s fault, though: Connie was one of his and Zeke’s first “clients”. None of them even bothered keeping up with the money exchanged between each other anymore; Connie had been in their kindergarten class, Armin’s mom had changed all of their diapers, Mikasa’s parents were the “cool parents” that let them smoke weed in the backyard, Jean’s mom made the best potato salad. They were a little family, separated by life and college at the moment, but a family all the same. Eren felt a little tingle of appreciation in his stomach as they climbed the stairs to Jean’s walk-up.

“Jaeger!” Jean was dapping him up and smacking a fist against his back before Eren could even properly look around the dark apartment.

“Kirstein,” Eren returns his embrace and has to shout over the music, suddenly smacked with a wave of homesickness at the familiar smell of weed and Jean’s tacky Hugo Boss cologne.

“Make yourself at home, dude,” Jean’s nearly inaudible over the thumping house music. He’s got some stupid mummy costume on that exposes his lean stomach, basically just shirtless and wrapped in toilet paper. Eren stifles a laugh, looking around the apartment for any other familiar faces.

Reiner approaches him next, a goofy, drunken grin splitting his face wide open, tackling Eren in a bear hug. Most of the greetings go like that; I miss you! How are you? How’s the business? Are you still in Shiganshina? It makes Eren’s chest tight, makes him miss the closeness of the people he loves. He was just always fucking working, helping Zeke with paperwork, running around town talking to clients, pulling at his face late at night looking over the finances of everything. He feels wound up, ready to burst, but the blunt and beer Bertholdt just handed him should fix that, at least somewhat. He needs…fuck, he needs to get laid.

His eyes search the room, looking for the one person he’s looking most forward to seeing, but he doesn’t find Mikasa where he expects.

She’s perched on Jean’s lap, giggling over her drink as Jean waves his arms wildly, telling her a story. That bizarre sight only holds Eren’s gaze for a moment, though, because there you are beside her, grinning wickedly with one of those stupid vapes between your teeth.

Eren stops dead in his tracks, speechless. Where do they even make women like that? He goes bottom to top, letting himself be impressed with how well you’re balancing on those high heels, ravishing every naked inch of your exposed legs until he reaches the hem of– fuck, is that just lingerie? Whatever little black thing you’re wearing, it makes his heart race, makes his pants tight. It’s low-cut in the chest enough to tease, a little collar around your neck, and your face…even your face makes him hard, so beautiful in the low lighting, eyes glimmering. You look evil and fun and sexy all at once, and Eren’s sold within the first ten seconds of seeing you.

Before he can make a beeline in your direction, he realizes he’s taken his gaze off of Mikasa and Jean long enough for them to approach him, Mikasa throwing her arms around his neck.

“Eren!” She squeals in his ear, clearly already drunk. Eren chuckles, trying to rein himself in enough to hold a stable conversation. The little black dress flashes behind his eyes as he smiles down at Mikasa.

“Hey Mika,” he ruffles her hair, making Mikasa grumble and reach towards her head to right what he’s ruined. His eyes wander back to you; you’re watching him too, sizing him up. He wonders if you like what you see, pulls at the zipper of his orange jumpsuit to inch it down, reveal some of his stomach. Eren’s not conceited per se, but he spends an unhealthy amount of time in the gym, and he knows it shows. As your gaze travels down to where he holds his zipper, Eren can’t look away, knows it must be obvious that he’s distracted.

“Bro,” Jean snaps his fingers in front of Eren’s eyes, looking over his shoulder to see what Eren’s staring at. He turns back with a smirk. “Yeah?”

Fuck, now Mikasa’s looking off in the same direction, returning her eyes to him with a scowl. Drunk or not, she never fails to scare the shit out of him. “No. No fucking way, Eren.”

“What?” Eren sips his beer innocently, shrugging. He was only staring…for now.

“She’s my best friend, Eren, no,” Mikasa says, firmer this time.

“Thought I was your best friend?”

“Didn’t she just break things off with Floch like…” Jean trails off at the withering glare Mikasa shoots him, turning red.

“She’s off-limits.” Eren nods, her words going in one ear and out the other. Mikasa’s scolded him before, and she won’t stop anytime soon, so what’s one more? She can read his mind, evidently, because she reaches up and pinches his cheek, yanking him down to her level.

“Ow!”

“Off. Fucking. Limits.” Mikasa seethes. “Do you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah I- fuck, let go! I hear you Mika,” Eren rubs his sore cheek, frowning. He can see you laughing at him, eyes barely visible over the edge of your drink. Great, Eren thinks; getting a talking-to from Mikasa like a child was not the first impression he wanted to give you.

Mikasa’s grabbing Jean’s hand and pulling him back towards the crowd, presumably to play guard dog for you, but before she can get him too far, Jean leans back towards Eren, cups a hand around his mouth.

“She’s single, bro,” Jean manages to get out before Mikasa pulls harder, “go for it!”

Eren grins. If Mikasa wanted to bite his head off for this, now he could blame it on Jean. What the hell was he supposed to say to you, though? You’re leagues above the girls he’s been pursuing. If Eren’s honest with himself, he’s intimidated by you, but his only solution is to throw some more of his beer back for liquid courage. He’s always loved a challenge.

When he pulls the cup away from his face, you’ve appeared in front of him, smiling demurely and nearly making him jump out of his skin.

“Hi.” 

-

The second you saw him, you were hooked. He was gorgeous, dark hair pulled into a little half-bun on the back of his head, pretty eyes, and tall and broad to boot. He was almost stern-looking, dark eyebrows shielding his eyes. Dark and mean, just the way you like them.

Mikasa had given him a massive hug, interrupting the clear eye-fucking you were engaged in across the room; so that was Eren? Her long-lost best friend that was always too busy to visit? The happy kid from the picture? You watched her scold him, giggling to yourself at how childlike he became, crumbling under Mikasa’s pinch and pouting when she let him go.

You had no choice, really. Your promise to Mikasa had flown out of your mind the moment you saw those full lips pursed around the blunt, blowing out a puff of smoke, stretching into a wide, dangerous smile. You’re an only child and admittedly, a bit spoiled, so when you want something, you get it.

“Hi,” you can’t manage anything more clever, not face to face with his bare chest. Jean’s apartment is stuffy, and you catch the gleam of sweat on his chest in the LED lighting. You lick your lips.

“Hi,” Eren responds stiffly, looking as surprised as if you’d just punched him in the gut.

“You’re Eren, right? Mikasa’s friend?”

Eren hits his blunt again, nods slowly. “I don’t think we’ve met though, you’re…?”

You give him your name. He smiles and repeats it, rolling it around on his tongue and getting a taste for it. You can already see little hearts in his eyes, it makes you grin to yourself. You had expected him to put up more of a fight; there’s a dozen girls in this room alone that would fall all over themselves to get him in bed, but he’s enraptured by you, eyes never leaving your face. You’ve got him. 

“A cat, huh?” Eren addresses the costume, dipping his head in the direction of the little black ears on your head. You’re suddenly embarrassed, feeling a bit silly.

“I, uh, didn’t really have time to shop,” you shrug, pulling at the hem of your dress. Eren’s mouth quirks up. “A prisoner?”

“Yeah, I didn’t get to pick. I like yours, though, it fits you.”

You cock an eyebrow at him. “A cat fits me?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, growing surer by the second, “I don’t know. Just fits. S’cute.”

You’re embarrassed by the giddy flutter in your stomach. God, he’s delicious. “You think I’m cute?”

“I think lots of things about you,” Eren replies, voice low and sultry and hardly audible over the music. His eyes widen like he hadn’t exactly meant to say that out loud, but it’s too late now. You grin, all teeth and bad intentions.

“We just met,” you point out. Eren’s confidence has returned, he boldly brings a hand to the spaghetti strap of your dress. His fingers are hot– why do men always run so hot? His touch almost burns.

“You wore this,” he rubs the fabric between his fingers, “and expect me not to have a few thoughts on it? Wasn’t that the point?”

The breath leaves your lungs. Your confidence fizzles at the same rate as your arousal grows. There are plenty of hot guys here, but you might have jumped into the deep end with this one. Something flickers in his eyes, something hungry.

“Why don’t you tell me about these thoughts of yours?”

“I will,” Eren nods, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, “later.”

“Later?”

“We’re at a party,” Eren takes the empty cup from you, replacing it with his own, much larger hand, “shouldn’t we at least dance a little?”

Before you can argue, he’s pulling you out into the center of Jean’s obnoxiously spacious living room, into a jungle of sweaty, gyrating bodies. You’re close enough to the speakers now that the bass pounds through your body to the same rhythm as your heart thudding in your chest. The crowded, makeshift dance floor pushes you into Eren, skin against skin. You have a fleeting moment to be grateful that you’re likely now obscured from Mikasa’s view before a pair of strong hands around your hips prevent any more conscious thoughts from taking shape in your brain.

“One of my thoughts,” Eren’s right beside your ear now, voice echoing in your brain, “is that I like you. Like this body.”

“T-thank you,” you stammer out, wanting to facepalm at not only your stupidly simple response, but the weakness in your voice.

“Move it for me.”

You obey him, letting your body move with the music, trying not to get too caught up in whether or not you look ridiculous with how you’re pressing your body into his, arms thrown around his neck. Eren seems to like the way you move on him, pushing and pulling your hips in the rhythm you’ve set, looking down his nose at you with bloodshot eyes.

Your panties are growing wetter by the second; he’s intoxicating, the feel of him against you, firm and tacky with sweat. His hands are tracing up your sides, dragging slowly as if he’s memorizing the curves of your body. You haven’t known him long enough to want him the way that you do, humiliated by the carnal desire simmering in the pit of your stomach, but you’ve had enough tequila not to care. The whole thing is too similar to what you really want, and you make it through a solid seven or eight songs before you can’t take the stifling tension between the two of you any longer, thick enough to cut with a knife.

You lean up on the tips of your toes, wobbling in your heels, and grab him tight around the neck, pulling him to you. Your lips finally meet; Eren’s slow to respond as you’ve caught him off guard, but he catches on quickly, lips falling open so you can kiss him deeper. His lips are softer than you expect, supple and giving as they move with yours. You trace your tongue through his teeth, hardly suppressing a whine. He tastes good, like cheap beer and weed and lust. You drink him in, a satisfied hum buzzing in your chest.

Without warning, Eren practically rips you off of him. “Not here.”

He’s dragging you through the people around you, knocking them out of the way and not stopping to apologize when he gets offended looks. He pulls you into what you know to be Jean’s room, wastes no time in shoving you up against the door and blocking you in with his wide shoulders.

You swallow hard; you’ve underestimated him.

“Another one of my thoughts,” Eren mouths at the area beneath your ear, makes you groan, “is that you’re pretty. Like, very fucking pretty. Bet you’re twice as pretty under this dress.”

“I think you’re pretty, too,” you manage to say, forcing the words from your mouth. Eren chuckles, smiling against the shell of your ear.

“C’mere,” he tilts your chin up, kissing you again. It’s troublingly gentle, long and languid as your mouths move against one another. He kisses you like he loves you; the thought makes alarm bells ring in your head, and you nip at his bottom lip to break up the emotional momentum, sink your teeth into it. Eren pulls back, chuckling down at you. “You’re mean.”

“Only a little.”

“Is that what you like?” Eren thumbs at your mouth, slipping his finger between your lips. You suck greedily, rubbing your tongue against the roughness of his fingertip. “Like it a little mean? Between you and me, I like ‘em a little mean, too.”

You nod, gently biting on his thumb. Eren groans, a low rumble deep in his chest. “Oh, I’m going to have fun with you.”

He’s pulling your dress over your head before you can stop him, sucking in a sharp breath when he gets an eyeful of your lace-clad breasts, the tiny thong you’ve slipped over your hips. Stronger than you’d expected, Eren pulls you up to wrap your legs around his waist, slamming your back against the door with a loud thud and knocking your stupid cat ears to the floor. You can hear a few sounds of surprise from outside; surely that got a few people’s attention, but you’re lost in him, whimpering at the feel of his jumpsuit costume rubbing against your clothed center.

Eren’s sloppy, placing open-mouthed kisses down your neck, pausing to suck a bruise underneath your ear. You gasp, canting your hips into his stomach, desperate for friction. You’re normally not so uninhibited, but Eren’s doing something to your head, has your mind spinning. He’s carrying you over to the bed, dropping you down onto Jean’s sheets. Eren leans down to pull your heels off, a sweet gesture if you could find the presence of mind to acknowledge it. You feel a flicker of guilt about doing this in Jean’s bed, but when Eren starts sliding a hand up your thigh, it flickers away into nothing, swallowed by your bottomless want. 

“Look at that,” Eren smirks, rubbing his fingers over your panties, “soaked. This all for me?”

“Mhm,” you whine, hips jerking up towards his touch. It is for him, it was from the moment you laid eyes on him, and you both know it. His hands are everywhere: unclasping your bra, pulling your panties down, palming at your tits. You arch your back up to him, offering him your chest; he responds by closing down on one of your nipples with his teeth.

“So pretty,” Eren’s murmuring around the mouthful of your flesh he’s got, twisting the neglected nipple of your right breast between his fingers, “so pretty.”

“Eren,” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair, pulling it out of its bun and wrapping the hair band around your wrist. His mouth is hot, scalding, even, but you pull him closer to you anyway, pressing his face into your tits. Eren doesn’t seem to mind, letting you move him this way and that, show him what you like and how to pull those pretty moans out of your mouth. Before long, he’s kissing his way down your stomach, hands gripping your hips like a lifeline.

“Want a taste,” Eren sounds more like he’s talking to himself than to you, “need to taste this pussy.”

“Eren,” you reach for his hair, trying to pull him back up to you. While you’d love to see what the mouth that had just kissed you breathless could do between your legs, the thumping music outside is an annoying but consistent reminder that there’s an entire party outside and you’re in Jean’s bedroom. The clock’s ticking. “Want to feel you, we don’t have time for–”

“Don’t have time?” Something wicked lights Eren’s face up as he shimmies your panties down your legs. “Believe me, it won’t take long.”

“Eren,” your protest is feeble but earnest, and you make another attempt to reach for him when a long, thick lick up your center renders you near-unconscious. You moan, a little louder than you would have liked to.

“See? Gonna make you feel so good, trust me,” Eren’s punctuating each word with a little kiss somewhere on your pussy: your clit, your lips, right over your fluttering entrance. You have no choice but to whimper and nod, canting your hips up towards him. You look down, immediately regretting it: Eren’s wiggled out of his costume, naked and beautiful and staring up at you from between your legs. You’re hardly able to swallow the inhuman sound that threatens to rip from your throat.

Where he’d been cool and calculated pulling you onto the dance floor, you quickly learn that Eren eats pussy like he can’t control himself, like his life depends on it. His massive hands wrap around the tops of your thighs, securing you against his face as you try to squirm away. He licks into you enthusiastically, moaning against you at the taste, sending a succession of vibrations through you that go straight to the fire in your stomach.

When his lips close around your clit and suck hard, you have to slap a hand over your mouth to stop a wail from reaching the ears right outside the door. Eren takes the opportunity to sneak a finger into you, curl it right against that gummy spot in your walls that has you seeing stars. As he works his finger in your cunt, he kisses his way back up to your mouth, greeting you with a sloppy kiss.

“Feels good, right?” Eren’s face is literally dripping with you, a sharp-toothed grin barely visible in the dim light.

“Feels good,” you whimper, daring to look down to where he’s grinding his palm against your clit. You can see the veins of his muscular arm straining as he pumps in and out of you; it’s a lewd sight, one that makes your head spin. “‘S so much Eren, I— fuck.”

“Yeah?” Eren’s smile grows darker, another finger slips into you easily. You’re practically dripping onto the sheets at this point, rolling your hips against his hand with your mouth hanging open. It’s humiliating but too gratifying to stop. “Gonna cum for me? You can do it, give it to me.”

“God– close, so c-close,” you can barely find the words to respond, the pressure in your belly swelling at an alarming speed. You’re going to squirt, you know you are, should move off of Jean’s bed or warn Eren or do something, but it’s too late.

You thrash in Eren’s grip, cumming so hard you think you can taste blood where you bite your lip. You can feel the wetness spraying from you, soaking Eren’s hand and the sheets and your inner thighs, can distantly hear your pitiful cries, but you’re powerless to do anything about it until the mind-numbing orgasm’s run its course. Eventually you do settle, babbling incoherently into Eren’s shoulder about Jean’s ruined sheets, about how you’re sorry for making a mess. Eren shuts you up with his mouth on yours; you can hear the distant rip of a condom wrapper.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he laughs, rolling on top of you and lining himself up, “gonna have to keep you.”

Before you can even think to offer to return the favor or make a sarcastic remark about how you’d never let anyone keep you, Eren’s pressing into you, and your mind short-circuits. Shit, maybe you’d let him keep you.

You hadn’t gotten a good look at him in the darkness, but he’s big, bigger than you’ve ever had before, and big enough that you realize this when he’s not even halfway in.

“Eren…it’s so– s’big,” you hiccup into his shoulder, fingernails clawing into his biceps.

“Is it too much, baby?” You hate pet names, hate them, but from the greek god splitting you open right now, you love it, want to lick the word right out of his mouth and taste it on your own tongue. The genuine concern glittering in his eyes, the little furrow between his brows as he pauses, frowns down at you, fuck, you might be in love.

“No, not too much– feels good.”

Eren’s grin is feral. “Yeah? Tell me.”

“Feels so fucking good,” a little giggle sneaks out from your clenched jaw, Eren smiles wider and cups your face to kiss you again, far too gently to match the way he’s stretching you, bullying your cunt into the shape of him.

“Feel full?”

“Mhm,” he’s bottomed out now, impossibly deep, and you give him a little roll of your hips to show him just how okay you are, that you’re ready to see what he can really do.

“You’ve got–” Eren rolls his hips experimentally, punches a moan from your chest– “the best fucking pussy. So tight for me.”

Ordinarily, dirty talk makes you cringe, but something about the way he words things, as raw as if his inner monologue is spilling out of him, turns you on, makes your cunt clench down around him. That makes him happy, he sucks in a breath of air and starts pounding into you hard enough to make tears well in your eyes, hard enough to make you squeal in a way no one else ever has.

“Taking me so fucking well, baby,” Eren’s hands are grabbing your face, his lips pressing into your forehead, “never gonna let this pussy go.”

You grant him a long moan of agreement, so cockdrunk that for now, you’re more than happy to sign your freedom away to stay in this bed, pinned underneath him for all of eternity. He’s fucking into you so deep he’s practically in your throat; your breath comes out in short little huffs, choking on the brutal pace of his fucking. And god, he’s so big, but you’re taking him somehow, like you were made for it.

Eren moves one of his hands away from his face to swat your fingers away from where you’re digging into his arms, surely close to drawing blood.

“Fucking hurts,” he hisses, “just as mean as you are pretty, y’know that?”

He easily manhandles your arms above your head, pinning them above you by your wrists. The way he stretches his body to do so changes the angle he’s fucking into you at; now he’s hammering into the spot inside of you he’d found far too quickly with his fingers. Your eyes shoot open at the change, and Eren doesn’t miss it. He smirks.

“Right there?”

“God, yes, please– right there,” you sound pathetic, the few surviving rational brain cells you possess are laughing at you, but there’s no help for it. He’s already got you spiraling towards cumming again, the wetness from your cunt creating a sucking sound where he’s moving in and out of you.

“Fuck, m’close. Think you can cum again for me?”

“Yes,” you breathe, tilting your head up to nip at his neck, a tear or two running down into your hairline. You can do anything he asks, you think, anything in the world just for him, for how he’s making you feel. Eren practically growls, pistoning his hips faster.

“Need you to cum for me, okay beautiful? Cum right now.”

“S-so close– I– Eren, oh my god,” you’re babbling, eyes rolling back into your head. Eren smashes his lips to yours, grinding his hips into your clit and shoving you over the edge for the second time that night. You sob and convulse around him, back arching desperately and pressing your chests together. You’re seeing stars as he fucks you through it, grunting in your ear and growing sloppy as you tighten around him.

“Fuck!” Eren bites into your shoulder, hard enough to bruise, stilling his hips as deep inside you as he can manage. Your fucked-out brain wants the condom off, wants to feel the full warmth of him as he cums inside of you, grinding his hips against yours. Before he’s finished, Eren moves back to your mouth, kissing you deep and slow, a kiss that means a whole lot more than what you’ve just done together as a party rages just past the door.

As you’re panting beneath him, trying to ground yourself and come back to reality, Eren rolls off of you, whips the condom off, and to your surprise, takes you into his arms, pulls your head to his chest.

“You okay?”

You’re so blissed out right now that it’s a laughable question, and you giggle, watery and light into his chest. “More than okay.”

Eren laughs at that, a real laugh from deep in his stomach. The sound of it makes something warm and happy spark in your chest. “That good, huh?”

“You’re alright.” You’re trying to keep your eyes open, more than aware that your teeny tiny thong is on the floor and you’re naked in the arms of a stranger in Jean’s fucking bed, but Eren’s so warm, so comfortable, your eyes are fluttering despite your protests. 

“Oh?” Eren’s voice raises in pitch, gets breathy. “Yes, Eren! Right there, Eren! I’m cumming, Eren!”

“Oh my god, shut up!” You smack at his chest, cheeks burning, but you make no move to roll away from him, preferring your snug little hovel against him to the loud, smoky party that awaits you should you leave.

“S’okay,” Eren presses a kiss to your hairline, “I like that you’re loud.”

“Not loud,” you grouch, resolving to let yourself enjoy just a few minutes of keeping your eyes closed before you return to the party. The last thing you remember is Eren humming, tracing circles into your shoulders with his fingers. You think you recognize the tune; it’s a love song.

–

“Jaeger!”

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god, is that Jean? What time is it? Eren!”

Eren’s first peaceful sleep in months is disturbed rather rudely, in his opinion; he shields his eyes from the brightness of the overhead light, peering through his fingers to see you, hair a rat’s nest and smudged makeup in rings around your eyes. He scowls at the warm, empty spot next to him in the bed that you’ve already leapt out of, frantic with energy even through your hangover. You’re alternating between running around the room naked, trying to find your dress, and shaking him urgently. He bites back a grin; so you are real, and just as hot as he remembered.

“Chill the fuck out, Jean!” Eren shouts, using far more energy than he can afford to expend if he’s leaving the bed anytime soon. The alarm clock on the nightstand reads 7:01am. Shit. “We’ll be out in a second!”

“Get your ass out here, Eren!” Shit. Mikasa’s here too? Oh, he’s dead the second he leaves this room. All the better to stay put, then.

“Get up,” you hiss at him, looking every bit of a pissed-off racoon as you scrounge around on the floor.

“Need my hair tie back if you want me to get up.”

“Ugh, here,” you fling it at him, hitting him squarely in the forehead. Eren chuckles, pulling his hair off of his neck and into its usual bun. He feels empty, feels alone, realizes that he wants your touch, the same body-to-body contact that he’d enjoyed last night.. 

“They’re fine,” Eren grumbles, hoping you can’t see the amusement written on his face, “we’ve got a few more minutes.”

He reaches sleepily for you, pulling you back into the bed with him amidst your whispered protests, pulling your lips back to his where they belong. He kisses you slowly, indulgently, convincingly. Your skin against his does wonders for the soul-crushing anxiety he’s been putting up with over the last few months. You’re like a drug to him; just one hit and he feels worlds better, feels like he can actually get through everything weighing on him for now. Jesus, even your morning breath doesn’t turn him off; his cock twitches in interest beneath the covers. Cute when you’re angry, he thinks to himself. He has a feeling you’d smack him if he said it out loud.

“We can’t,” you breathe into his mouth, pushing weakly at his chest. Eren loves the feel of your palms on his chest, necessarily resistant in the name of a one–night stand, but lacking the force to prove your point. You want him too, he realizes. The thought goes straight to his dick, and he takes a deep breath to keep his composure, to stop himself from jumping all over you with Mikasa and Jean right outside. He’s rather impressed with his efforts, rubbing small circles on your lower back instead of grabbing a handful of your ass and pulling you into his lap like he wants to.

“We can,” Eren murmurs back, already ten times happier than he was a moment ago, “just want to kiss you, that’s all.”

That makes you pull back, fix him with a stern look. “I don’t want to come off as a bitch, but I don’t really do the morning-after thing. Don’t you live, like, five hours from the city anyway?”

Eren’s not the brightest when he’s tired, and he’s even stupider around beautiful women. He cocks his head at you, smiling. “Mikasa didn’t tell you? I’m moving to the city in a few weeks.”

You eye him suspiciously. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Eren’s bullshitting, bullshitting very badly and he knows it, “just have to get some things worked out with my brother and our business. Get the operation moved here, that’s all.”

He knows your type: flighty, heavily anti-commitment, and meaner than a snake when you’re cornered. But Eren hopes, he hopes stupidly and against all reason because even if it was just a night, he meant what he said in the throes of passion. You’re funny, you’re interesting, you’re sexy, and he doesn’t want to let you go. He wants to fuck you stupid, just like he did last night, for the rest of his life.

He can’t say any of this out loud, of course, but what if he’s not bullshitting? What if he can convince Zeke to move their amateur record label into the city, where they can pick up real artists, and he can fuck you stupid whenever he feels like it? Maybe he can even learn how you like your coffee, what your bra size is, where the junk drawer in your apartment lives. Eren doesn’t know you, he knows that, but he inexplicably wants those things, wants the mundane parts of you for himself.

“Get the fuck out here, Jaeger, that’s my fucking bed!” Fists pound against the door, threatening to barge into your little sanctuary. Mikasa’s calling your name from outside too, voice harsh and angry. Eren waits for you to scold him, waits for you to shove him off of you and tell him to fuck off.

To his surprise, you make no move to get up and offer him a sheepish grin, shrugging shyly as if you’re not fully naked in his arms. “I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

Eren’s heart swells. “I’m not chancing that. Give me your number.”“You can earn my number if you buy me breakfast,” you scoff, “and help me find my dress before Mikasa kills us both.”

[pleasantspark]

HH/HB Server gets mad at me for making Pentious Tan

I wanted to share Non-Pale. Tan Pentious edit and got dogpiled almost immediately.

Color Coded so people can't complain FAKE FAKE FAKE. The server is not going to be named as it's a pretty big server filled with minors and if you know which server it is, DON'T say it.

People in there are children and I do NOT want anyone getting harassed, this is just another example of people assigning intent. The only party that's uncensored is me.

Color Codes !!

Blue - Discord Friend Yellow - Someone with common sense. Black - Don't like these people Magneta - Someone not involved. Purple - Actual On Duty Mod. Light Green - Unsure if they are on my side or what Red - Person who said something uncomfortable to me.

I sent the render after completing it and using a BG Removal AI Tool to make it a render for my new wallpaper as I am taking Pentious and using him as my own.

People began to point out the "issue"

ID: Sir Pentious PFP with a trans masc flag on the outer ring named "Saint Pentious's Wife" with a small emoji of Vox and a leaf on discord next to it posted Today at 5:57 AM with the caption of "Is this render okay?" attached is a Sir Pentious image but of human and he's completely tanned.

Black #1 replied "He's a lot paler than that" and blue replies to black #1 with "mhh"

Saint Pentious's Wife forwards a earlier message from Purple stating "It's their headcanon" Black #1 said "Well if it's your head cannon that it's a good render then there you go"

Black #2 responds with an image definition of Headcanon which is:

Headcanon is a word used in film/television/comics/etc. fandom that refers to something a fan imagines about the characters (such as a scenario or relationship) but that doesn't appear on screen/on the page.

End ID

After I posted the image more people started being "jokey" which is impossible to tell and most of these people see others using tone tags. They were trying to make me feel bad about what I did. Labeling as racism and the such. I highlighted a few points that stand out.

ID: Saint Repentious's Wife was responding to Black #2 asking about what they should color Adam. "Yes"

Black #2 proceeded to send "?" as a response.

Another person, Black #3 responded to the intial post with a caption reading "Bro blackwashed him" and attached is the original concept of Sir Pentious.

I respond with something logical: "Why are Y'all being weird about it, I just made him tan. He's tan."

Black #3 responded. "But he's pale" and responded in regards to Alastor. "I also noticed that Alastor is still black in his demon form."

I responded. "You think all Londions are pale?"

Black #3 responds to Black #2 "With Adam's colors."

I proceeded to send:

"Thats kinda oddly weird. Like, why do you care what I do, it's not like he's being erased fully. He's still white but tan. Accusing me of racism is wildly crazy and makes me uncomfortable. Please stop it."

END ID.

I sent an image of the color wheel to showcase how pale he is. People still doesn't care.

ID: I sent a image of a hex code website with the hex code being displayed as #EFDFD8 and a caption reading: "This is where he is on the Color Wheel"

Black #??? responded: "He was white though"

I responded: "Why is everyone questioning people on redesigns?"

Red chimes in: "idk whats wrong with being pale"

I responded: "He's from London, not all Londonians are PALE."

Black #??? responded to Red: "Racism." With a blue shocked emoji.

I responded once again: "Nearly all of Viv's Characters are Pale. Imagine saying someone's racist just for making a character slightly tan thats crazy"

END ID

A little info on Red, they have numerous times made me uncomfortable, even after I told them to stop, they did not make the effort to apologize or even backtrack, even with Black #4 not taking it seriously. One of the rules in the server is not to make anyone uncomfortable specifically in regards to questions but also had a rule to be nice to everyone.

Red responds to a Vox PFP (Offscreen) with the caption "OVER FIVE YEARS?"

I responded to the conversation: "I fw Pilot Husk's design. I was a fan since the Pilot ages (Al's design more specifically.)" Beforehand Red also tried to make me feel weird for selfshipping with Husk by saying "He's a cat bro." yeah, and? People simp for Loona the same.

Black #4 responded to my uncomfortableness to Red with a skull emoji.

I responded: ":/ What? Personal trigger of mine, is that wrong of me to wish for people to not say that?"

Red once again doesn't take it seriously and tries to paint it as a light ribbing by saying: "it was sarcasm lil bro do u think im a perv or sum."

I responded: "Please don't call me Lil Bro, also, I dont understand tones. You're talking to someone who has Autism."

Red says: "sorry ma am" which isn't sincere in my eyes.

I correct them "*sir."

Red responds: "what.."

END ID

I clarified to Red on my correction and they were confused because of my name, when my pfp states my pronouns which were Ze/Zir/It/Its which should atleast give them the idea that I wasn't a ma'am.

ID: I responded to Red saying "I'm saying I'm a male? Not ma'am."

Red responded: "but but you ur display name nvm"

I responded: "Malwife doesn't fit" with a sobbing emoji after this.

END ID

I responded to Red on them calling me Lil Bro, as I am a full 20 years old, I don't care if its slang but I don't know you and if you call me Lil Bro, Sis, Hun then fuck off. I told them MULTIPLE times now, and they refused to, once again this server mentions you to NOT make people uncomfortable. This is where they made a "Joke" to my hard drive which has files of my Artwork and DBZ stuff. I'm a CSA survivor. You SHOULDN'T make those kinds of jokes to ANYONE especially IF they just joined the server.

ID: I responded to an offscreen ask by Red: "Sadly gtg trying to recover my corrupted hard drive with my DBZ stuff"

Red went out of left field with this "joke" which they could have NOT said: "ok dont drop the soap"

I responded: "Dont say that please."

Red didn't apologize but said: "ok."

END ID

This is the last image, basically, this STILL became an issue. Mod didn't try and scroll up. And I don't even care. Here's the final fuckfest that made me consider actually killing myself from the stress.

ID: Black #??? replies to me in regards to my offense on the term racism being thrown around as: "I was kidding bru don't take it personally"

Mod responds to my londons not being pale comment with: "in the 1800s before immigration was a thing (THIS ISN'T BEING RACIST) they would have all been really white"

I responded: "Yeah, I really wanted to make him tan"

Green chimed in: "There's a difference between Brown and grey"

Yellow responded: "It's just a headcanon stop being weird"

Mod responded to my tan comment: "Yeah that's fine like ur headcanon do what u want i was just saying information about 1800s uk."

Yellow comments on the double standards: "People in the 1800s also didn't know how to build laver death machines but y'all draw the line at a bit of Melanin."

Magneta replies to my earlier question about how they separates vocals: "weights al has a feature where it splits the vocals and music"

I responded: "I dunno man, people keep on jumping on people who does this, and it makes me anxious I am just doing something fun. I'm sorry for making a character slightly darker But a lot of people here have oddly said some really weird things to me like the whole "hope you don't drop the soap" I shouldn't have to say why that makes me uncomfortable due to personal reasons."

Mod replies to Yellow in regards to their excellent point: "Tesia was close enough"

Then Mod responded to me: "Ur drawings fine ignore people saying that"

END ID

I am aware that these people might be minors, but like WHAT THE FUCK? No ONE is this level of pale, I mean it's POSSIBLE but like NOT to the level of Sir Pentious. Also, if someone tells you to stop you do it, you don't continue with a joke.

This is literally making me want to kill myself. I like to thank Blue and Yellow for trying atleast. Sir Pentious was more Tan, he wasn't black or anything he was just more tan. It makes more sense then pale sheet white as snow template base that the fandom designs have.

I just am going thru alot so if I don't respond I did it.

I'm sorry.

(If I am still here, that means I apssed out, I am too depressed, peroiod ridden and sleep deprived.)

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Chapter Eight

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Jerimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: Forgiveness is earned, not given. And you were prepared to do whatever it takes to earn it, even if it means groveling for the rest of your life. 

Warnings:  All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers. Mentions of death, grief, angst, strained relationships, arguments, details of anxiety/panic attacks, bad coping mechanisms, mental health issues, running away, addiction, al-anon.  

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: BESTIES ! ! ! i AM BACK FROM THE DEADDDDDD ! ! ! Unfortunately, i became an academic victim instead of an academic weapon this past year . Currently suffering thru a stress induced cold too LOL love that 4 me . ut the year is over n finals r done so ill be continuing this ! ! ! ! Anywaysssss only two chapters left of this series </3 breaks my heart low-key LOL I really enjoyed writing this whole thing, it was fascinating putting the emotions into this whole thing ! Quite the experience, I tell ya ! but anywayssss have a slay day ! 

Taglist: @marysucks-blog @shinebright2000 @jadeittic @eternallyvenus @jackierose902109 (i apologize if i missed anyone new or previous!! please let me know if you were missed/wanna be added <3)

Masterlist

The tears wouldn’t stop bubbling over, leaving stains of sea salt on your cheeks that wouldn’t go away no matter how many times you rubbed it with the back of your hand. At this point, your skin was raw from your scrubbing. But no matter what you did, they just wouldn’t go away.

The Al-Anon meeting had since been adjourned and slowly but surely people were shuffling out of their seats and either to the snack table for a quick swipe of donuts and coffee or straight to the door out of there. But here you were, scrubbing away fat tears that continued to roll down your cheeks, staring straight at the back of the head of a person you didn’t really know if you wanted to face at that moment. 

A particularly watery group of tears clouded your vision, making you wince and snap your eyes shut before bringing both your hands up to viciously scrub them away, taking your vision from the head whom you were trained on. As you scrubbed, feeling your eyes burn and vision turn into a kaleidoscope of colors, you failed to notice the sound of someone getting up and rapidly approaching you until it was too late.

A strong hand gripped your forearm and jerked you up from your seat, making you yelp and snap your eyes open again. They stung from the sudden sunlight invading your vision, but you blinked it away, instead focusing on the person with a calloused grip dragging you out of the room with a rush that made those still sticking around gasp and glance in your direction. 

You barely managed to hold yourself and your stuff together when you realized you were out the door of the room and back into the empty hallway. Carmy dropped his grip with an expression on his face that you couldn’t read at all. 

“Carmy-“ you began.

“Stop, stop, stop. Don’t start…. Not now….” 

Carmy sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking off and away from you. His shoulders started to sag, making him look so uncharacteristically… scared in front of you. 

He glanced back at you, watching your mouth open and close like a fish out of water as you kept trying to stop yourself from launching into some sort of explanation or apology. He continued to watch as you leaned against the wall, your body folding it on itself as your knees got weaker and weaker. All you did was stare at him with wide, watery eyes, trying so hard not to say anything. 

After some silence, Carmy looked away and spoke up, “You came.”

You swallowed the knot on your throat before nodding hesitantly.

He turned to look at you, blue eyes rimmed red. 

“Why.”

You opened your mouth, ready to launch into what you wanted to say, but Carmy threw his hand up to signal you to stop. With one hand on his hip, he looked at the floor and sighed again. 

“Why now? Is this an attempt for you to... to make it all better? Just like that? Listen, that might’ve worked on my brother but definitely not me.”

“No, I-“ 

“If you think of this as your form of retribution for everything, forget it. I don’t need your begging for forgiveness or your pity. I can’t… I can't just get over this, okay?”

“Carmy, I get that but-”

“But what? There are no amount of apologies or declarations of love for my brother in front of a group of strangers that will… that will change how i feel about this-”

“Carmy!”

He snapped his mouth shut.

With shaky legs, you stood up before him and made direct eye contact.

“I’m sorry.”

His adam's apple bobbed as he stared at you. 

You took in a shaky breath, “I’m not asking for anything, okay? I just… I want to say sorry. For stressing you out. For worrying everyone. For…. for leaving. I’m sorry.”

Then, Carmy did something you haven’t seen him do in a long, long time.

He cried. 

Tears spilled over his red rimmed baby blues, falling slowly, then faster and faster and faster.

With a choked breath, Carmy whispered out, “I needed you.”

“I needed you and you… you weren’t here. You ran. And I ran too.”

He shifted uncomfortably and looked away, but still whispered out his confession. 

“I was so… so fucking scared. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew that I needed you here. But you got scared too. So you ran. I…”

And with that, you began to sob.

You leaned against the wall, sobbing into your hands. You could barely hear his words over the echo of your cries, but you didn’t care. And you didn’t care when people came slowly out of the meeting room, casting glances in your direction before walking away to exit the building.

“I’m sorry. I… i’m taking it out on you. But you aren’t my brother. You're you. And I needed you in the same way you needed me. But…neither of us were here for each other like we promised.”

One thing you and Carmy always did during an infamous Berzatto family dinner was sneak out of the house and into the front yard, leaning against the garage door to share a cigarette.

Whether it was Donna’s yelling that drove Carmy out or Mikey’s constant erratic personality that got you feeling overwhelmed, you both somehow managed to take a second to go outside and catch a breath at the same time. 

So it became tradition to sneak out for 10 minutes before someone came looking for one or the other, to silently smoke and have a brief moment of peace.

Most of the time you were alone together, other times Natalie joined the two of you, usually just closing her eyes and leaning against the wall besides you, silent. 

By the 32nd informal Berzatto Family Sneak Out, as you two dubbed it, Carmy was opening up to you. He would tell you about how life has been treating him, his struggles, and general day to day things he enjoyed. You would do the same, providing him with his own mental escape just as he did for you.

Some days he would chatter on and on in a way you didn’t normally see him do. Other days it was silence. But regardless,you enjoyed his company regardless, as he did yours.

One Christmas, the two of you were shivering in the cold but still out there in scarves and sweaters regardless. 

“Shit,” you murmured and threw the cigarette down to stomp on it, foot sliding across the icy pavement.

You wobbled a bit, making Carmy snicker as you shot him a look.

“Hey uh, i got you a really cool present this year.” 

You glanced at him, rubbing your hands together, “Oh yea? Owning up for last year’s mistake?” 

Carmy rolled his eyes, “I swear i didn’t know you owned that sweater.”

You laughed, “I wore it during Thanksgiving!! It was right in front of you and you didn’t even notice!”

Carmy rolled his eyes and chuckled, rubbing the dark circles under them.

“Yea whatever, give me shit. But i promise this one will blow you away. I put a lot of thought into it, especially because it’s been a while since i’ve been down here…”

You hummed, looking off into the soft piles of snow glittering under the string lights, some red, others blue. 

“I missed you, you know…”

Carmy sighed, throwing his cigarette down and stomping on it. 

“I did too.”

You looked up at Carmy, smiling but no longer feeling your lips. He smiled back at you. 

“Promise me that we'll always have these little sneak outs, yea? It keeps me from going insane on your brother,” you said with a snort. 

He just chuckled, “Of course… I'll always be there for you if you’ll always be there for me… yea?”

He extended his hand out. You slapped your hand into his, shaking it with a playful grin. 

“Agreed.”

Someone calls your name from inside. Mikey’s booming voice echos from the house, loud and clear like a siren call within a turbulent sea. You whip your head to the front door and giggle, “Better get going, come on Berzatto. Maybe i’ll let you have my leftover christmas cookies if you sneak me an extra piece of that tiramisu you brought.”

With that, the two of walked back into the home for the rest of the night.

You can feel his hands gently grip your shoulders, helping you up from leaning against the cold wall into his arms. His muscular arms wrapping around you, the familiar scent of spices and sweat invading your nose; a scent so remarkably Carmy. 

“I’m sorry… I just really needed you… I needed you and i.. didn’t know how to ask…” He whispered into your neck, muffled. 

You sobbed, staining his shirt with tears but neither of you cared as you stood there, in the empty hallway as the setting sun streamed in through stray rays. 

By the time you separated from the hug, the hallway was a twilight blue. His rough hands reached up to your eyes, thumbing them away with a gentleness that made you want to cry again.

“I missed you.” you managed to say, after a long period of silence. 

“I missed you too…” he murmured, eyes droopy.

It was quiet and it felt… good. It felt good to stand there, staring at the lines on one another's' faces that showed the age and the years that you missed while apart. The stories they told you of each other, of how you drifted apart. But now they showed a different story. 

It felt good to be back.

“Hey uh, i have to get back… we have a, uh, bachelor’s party today…”

This made you snort, making Carmy crack a side smile. 

“A bachelor’s? At The Beef? Are you that broke?”

This made him chuckle softly, “Uh, yea…”

You shook your head with a small smile, “Well, I guess you better get going then. Everyone’s waiting on you, chef.”

Carmy looked to the floor, stepping away from you as he continued to smile, “Yes chef.”

You watched through as Carmy waved to you and your parents from the backseat of their car, your arms wrapped around yourself tightly. Your mom waved enthusiastically as your dad backed out, tires scratching on the gravel underneath you.

He got smaller and smaller as you all pulled away, making your way back home with a car full of hope. 

It was 6 in the morning when you got the call from Carmy.

You drove a little above the speed limit as you chewed on your bottom lip, eyes sweeping across the streets as your car lurched forward ahead of everyone else. The streets were slick from a light morning fog, rolling in with the cooler weather of fall and winter. But your skin was too hot to even realize how cold it was outside as you ran across the street from where you parked to The Beef. 

You threw the back door open, causing multiple people to throw their heads around to look at you. Ebraheim nodded in your direction and Tina smiled warmly. She glanced behind her before turning back to you, beckoning you in from your stiff stance in the doorway. 

You thanked her softly as you walked in, the chill from the air behind you making you shiver in your light sweatshirt and thin pants. 

You found Marcus in his corner, organizing diligently as Carmy walked away from his station and to Ebraheim’s, where he held up and complained about a sparkly black bra. You giggled as you watched them, getting Carmy’s attention.

He walked swiftly around the kitchen, signaling you to follow with a nod of his head. 

The two of you moved to stand in the door way leading to the front of the restaurant, watching Richie and Tina laugh before they turned, grabbing cleaning supplies. But when Richie turned and saw you, he briefly froze.

“Richie…” you said softly, crossing your arms across your chest with an arched brow. Carmy clued you in during the call, which is why you rushed here as soon as possible, worried sick about Richie.

“Hey uh…” he mumbled, sheepishly looking away from you as he scratched the back of his neck and avoided your gaze.

“Really? Jail?” you huffed.

“Come on, it was hardly even jail. I spent a night in holding, that’s it. Besides, i’ve done my penance… i’m a changed man. ” Richie said with a roll of his eyes and a choked laugh. 

You rolled your eyes, only to tense up when he asked his next question, “Why are you here?”

It wasn’t meant to be accusatory, just curious considering how the last conversation had ended here. But here you were, beside Carmy who didn’t seem very upset next to you. 

You looked away, clearing your throat softly, “Can we… can we talk in private about that…”

Richie visibly softened and glanced at Carmy before turning back to you, “Listen, you don't have to worry about-”

“No no no, just listen to me first, okay? Please… cousin?” 

This made Richie perk up and clear his throat, “Yea yea, come uh, come out back with me then..”

The two of you made your way to the backdoor, Carmy’s eyes trained on your backs right up until the door clicked shut behind you. 

“Listen Richie, I'm… I'm sorry. For… for everything. It’s…” you began, your throat drying up pretty soon after. 

Richie sighed, pacing away from you for a second as you struggled to swallow the lump in your throat. 

“Can i… say something…?” 

You looked at him, his back turned to you. But you heard him and the slight quiver in his throat loud and clear.

“I… it’s a secret so you have to promise not to tell anyone.” He said, laughing softly.

He slowly turned to you, showing the guilt and remorse all over his face that cleared that little moment of laughter right up. 

You nodded slowly, stepping forward toward him, “Yea, yea, of course….”

He hesitated, glancing up at you and analyzing every part of you for some form of dishonestly… but he found none. He only found the same eyes looking back at him, with trust glittering in them, like all those years ago. 

“Okay…” he began with a shaky breath, “I…”

You leaned forward some more, nodding softly. 

“I… I never once regretted loving Tiff.” 

Your eyes widened.

“She… was everything to me. I don’t regret loving her… even now…”

You could feel your heart racing in your ears. The way his eyes watered slightly as his hands shook at his side made your own eyes water. But his words, his words shook you up more than anything.

“I fucked up alot with her… you know that… and… and i don’t regret it either…”

Your bottom lip quivered. 

“I don’t think you should regret anything you did out of love for Mikey either… okay?”

You could only whimper, reaching forward to wrap your arms around him. He wound his arms around your own body, squeezing tightly as he did so, squishing you against him but neither of you cared. 

“So don’t apologize to me, okay? I know why you ran, and I don't blame you for it either.”

“....Thank you Richie… you're the greatest friend Mikey and I could ever have…”

Richie smiled softly, pressing a kiss to your hairline, “Of course, Mikey might… Mikey might not be here but I am. I’m here for you…”

“Thank you…” you tried desperately to hold back the tears.

The two of you held each other there, in the cool morning air until Richie cleared his throat and murmured, “So you and Carmy are good now? Or what the hell?”

You laughed, voice watery. 

“Listen, i thought you two would fight each other out here, honestly. Wrestle like you would as kids over the last goddamn pudding cup but uh, i guess not huh.”

“No…no. We uh, talked yesterday and it… it ended pretty good i think.” 

You stepped back with a sigh, brushing away a couple pesky tears, “You know Carmy, he’s not easy to forgive so I don't expect that talk to fix everything but i… I'm glad I finally grabbed the hand that was reaching out…”

Richie shook his head, “I don’t get how you two always were so buddy-buddy, you’re like exact opposites.”

You shrugged, “You don’t know Carmy like I did… like I do. We are a lot more similar than you might think.”

With that Richie chuckled and clapped his hands together, “Alright, no more slacking, we got a shit ton of prep today.”

The two of you wiped your tears away with small chuckles as you stared at one another’s puffy eyes and flushed faces, trying your best to not look like wrecks as you walked back inside with small smiles. 

The day went off without a hitch, until… the fire.