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golden-moony · 7 months ago

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king of my heart | smau

pairings: lando norris x fem!reader | pato o'ward x fem!reader

summary: y/n is an F1 content creator loved among the grid and the fans, and more than one person ships her with lando due to how close they've always been. but when y/n goes to her first IndyCar race, the last thing she expects is being involved in rumours with another mclaren driver.

warnings: love triangle? kinda.

author's note: i might turn this into a mini series but i'll see how it goes. btw english it's not my first language so if there's any grammatical error please let me know so i can fix it, ty🧡 now enjoy!

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

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yourusername posted to their story!

[caption 1; it's indycar weekend in Long Beach, babyyyy!] [caption 2; time for practice and snacks🌞]

patriciooward

liked by indycar, zbrownceo, yourusername, and 83,527 others!

patriciooward INDY500 colors and back in the streeetz🤩

user1 lookin' goooood🔥

arrowmclaren it'll look even better with confetti covering it😉 user2 admin knows a win is coming!! 💪

user3 Este es tu año, cabrón! VAMOOOOS 🇲🇽

user4 is it a requirement to be handsome to drive in mclaren? cause daaaamn

user5 same girl, same

yourusername black is the new papaya fr 🔥 can't wait for tomorrow!

patriciooward hopefully you'll be wearing #5 user6 OMG?!?!!!??? yourusername can't show favoritism! i'm a professional, sir patriciooward it can be our secret then 😉 user7 OH MY- HELLOOOOO? user8 landonorris come get your girl bro!!! user9 omfg mr o'ward i wasn't familiar with your game user10 y/n sweety, wrong mclaren driver landonorris 🤨 user11 she really said i want a mclaren, don't care which one😭 user12 and she's so real for that

user13 let's goooo Pato!! 🦆🧡

user14 y/n and pato's exchange?? NEW SHIP HAS ARRIVED!

user15 i feel like i'm betraying my roots but pato and y/n would be the it couple fr user16 SO TRUE user17 pato and lando deserve sooo much better.

user18 NOT LANDO REPLYING TO THE COMMENT 😂😂

user19 f1twt is about to have a blast with this one 🍿 user20 they already have #teampato and #teamlando hashtags going on 😭😭

yourusername posted to their story!

[caption 1; preparation for ✨qualy day✨] [caption 2; that's how you arrive in style]

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, alexanderrossi, shelovesformula1, and 76,088 others!

yourusername First IndyCar race ✅ can't explain how incredible this weekend was! I’ve had the pleasure of chatting to so many cool people, discovering so much about this series and meeting so many of you! 🧡 can't wait to show you everything soon 😘

user1 what a babeeeee 😍

frosenqvist so great to meet you! hope you come to another one again soon! 🏁

arrowmclaren we second this! user2 she's an indy girl now 😎 tkanaan especially after all the fun we had last night😜 yourusername oh i'll definitely come back for more races (and parties ofc🙊) user3 she's part of the family now! love to see it user4 mclaren team 🤝 us: being in love with y/n

user5 PATO INTERVIEW??!! WE WON

lissiemackintosh so happy to have met you!! 💖

yourusername can't wait to see u again 🥹 user6 MY FAVES 🤩🤩 user7 girls supporting girls 💞 user8 we need a colab!

landonorris y/n get out of there. That's not your family!

carlossainz55 y/n please hurry, the kid has missed you maxverstappen1 y/n please hurry, we can't stand him anymore maxfewtrell y/n please hurry, he gets whiny when you're not around alex_albon y/n please hurry, oscar is about to commit crime oscarpiastri that is correct, so please y/n hurry landonorris when i asked y'all to back me up, this is NOT what i meant 🙄 yourusername if it helps at all, i've miss you all 🫶 (except Lando) landonorris i hate y'all fr user9 this is the kind of content i pay my internet bill for 😂

user10 literal queen 👑

user11 she couldn't become lando's wag so now she goes to indy to try to find a man lol such a clout chaser

user12 girl stfu she's literally just doin her job user13 try not to sound so bitter next time 💋 user14 get a life, hater

user15 MOTHER IS MOTHERING

user16 i don't think we're talking enough about that last photo

user17 RIGHT?! Y/N X PATO LET'S GOO user18 nah y/n x lando >>>>>>>>

patooward Indy looks good on you 💯 i wonder who took that amazing first pic

yourusername credits to you, amateur😘 user19 you can't convince me they're not flirting user20 i truly don't know if i wanna be pato or y/n... i only know i'd hate to be lando rn 😭 user21 y/n and lando are the endgame user22 Y/N X PATO TILL THE END

landonorris posted to his story!

[caption; safe and sound where she belongs]

sooo.... y'all want part 2?

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angelsbless · 2 days ago

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Hi angels i'm sorry for disappearing i'll try to respond to all the requests and post more often 🤍🤍

Trafalgar law x reader (hcs)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊

This man is the most tsundere man ever, he's literally bad at showing affection due to his past trauma and he's always scared of getting hurt or hurting the people he loves so he tends to keep his distance.

Acts of service and physical touch would be his love language. His touch is warm and gentle and he treats you like you are made of glass, he would blush if u initiate the PDA somewhere in public but he secretly likes it.

You'd find small gifts in your room with a note from him whenever he goes out because every time he buys you things that remind him of you, and he smiles to himself while imagining how happy you'd be when you receive it.

You'd remind him to eat and to not overwork himself because sometimes he gets so lost in his research and work, sometimes you end up reading a book by his side while enjoying each other's presence.

He is the type to blush A LOT when he says something sweet to you and tells you to STFU if you ask him to repeat.

You'd play with his messy soft hair, you're one of the few people that are allowed to touch it and he feels comfortable with it, seeing him without his hat makes your heart swell with affection it just makes him more soft and cute, he would smile at that every time and it makes him happy inside, your touch is so soothing to him so having you playing with his hair calms him and make him feel warm and safe.

A LOT of hugs from behind, you'd be just out there doing your work and suddenly you're somewhere private with law hugging you from behind, just hug him back please it's his way of recharging for the day, you're his only safe place and he is vulnerable around you so please don't turn him off.

Late night talk and a lot of deep conversations with him, it's his therapy session.

He'd suddenly open up to you about all of his thoughts and pain and he'd let everything out and once you reassure him enough because this man didn't wanna bother you with his pain, he thinks he should carry the darkness in his heart alone but once he met you you started to clear his heart and wash his pain away so when you guys do have this talk he'd hug you and sob because this man has been holding to himself for 20 years and he has finally found peace and love in you.

You're his home and safe place and he'd do anything to protect you.

He's such a sweetheart and even if it took him sometime to show it.

I love him so much he's the kindest, please treat him nicely <3

195 notes · View notes

devotedfem · 6 days ago

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«Scream»

Synopsis: It's late and you're watching horror movies. But someone's calling you, a weirdo asking you questions about classic horror films. Nothing was wrong until he started to threat you, and when you hang up the phone you realized there's murderers wearing ghostface masks in your house.

Maknae line (poly) x f. Reader

2.7K words.

Genre: Scream au | yander-ish.

Tags: psycopaths maknae line, mind games, psychological terror, murderers (implied but not described), betrayal, the maknae line are a menace here, emotional conflict, delusional maknae line, angry reader, very VERY dubious consent (coercion is not consent so read with caution), happy ending for them not for reader, smut, overstimulation.

A/N: I'm so sorry for disappearing for literally a month, i moved to another country and life has been very stressful lately, so yeah i took a break from writing but here i am again, writing lots of vminkook p0rn. Hope you enjoy!

From the series masterlist; Final girl.

Navigation Masterlist.

You’re eating popcorn, resting on your couch with your feet up on the armchair. You took a gulp of your coke can without breaking your gaze from the tv screen, you startled staining your shirt when the slasher appeared from nowhere, you cursed under your breath taking off your shirt but before you can go to your room to change, your phone vibrated with notifications. You turned them off because the boys always get annoying on the weekends.

You opened the group chat, rolling your eyes when you see the 123 unread messages.

Group chat: Y/n and the homos.

Jiminie: Guys can u please stfu for a moment, I wanna sleep but u don’t stop talking shit.

You: let’s kicked them out of the group Jiminie, I swear I can’t even watch a movie in peace.

Jjk: u two r so fcking boring.

Tae: right? Like can u two at least read what were talking abt.

You: we’re*

Jiminie: lol

Jjk: Guys this is serious, there’s a sicko killing people wearing a ghostface mask.

You: Ghostface masks are hot.

Tae: ??

Jjk: ???????

Jiminie: ik right

You: Anyway, maybe is just a rookie killer without imagination, like it’s Halloween and there’s a lot of sickos around here. Just closed ur doors and don’t be a pussy.

Tae: I’m literally speechless.

Jiminie: Bye I’m sleeping, stfu.

Jjk: we warned u.

You dropped your phone on the couch, walking to your kitchen to make more popcorn. You missed the plot twist of the movie because of your friend’s annoying group chat.

You were on your bra and pajama pants, not caring about anything in the world. Until your home phone rings in your kitchen making you stop immediately. You frowned tilting your head to the side, watching the old home phone still ringing. It’s being ages since someone called to that number, you didn’t even know that the ancient thing was still working.

“Odd,” you murmured to yourself, answering the phone.

“Hello?”

You heard a heavy breath on the other side of the phone. The person says nothing back, making you frown.

“Who’s this? And why are you calling to this number?” Your patience was running thin ice.

“I’m watching you,” said a man with a low voice.

You rolled your eyes with annoyance.

“Is this a prank? Don’t call to this number again or I’ll fuck you up.”

You were about to hang up the phone but a deep chuckle from the man stopped you. Why does he sound familiar to you?

“Are you watching Friday the 13th?” He taunted. His voice sounded odd, like if he was lowering it purposely.

Your stomach sink with dread, your heart rate speed up when you heard from the tv the slasher killing people.

“What if I do?” You gritted between teeth, keeping an eye on your surroundings. You won’t show fear to that weirdo.

“Let’s play a game, I’ll ask you some questions about horror movies. And if you answer wrong, I’ll kill you.”

Your eyes widened by his words, you were about to hang up and call the police but the other man was quicker than you.

“If you hang up or try to touch your fucking phone I’ll slice your neck,” the threat made you freeze on your place, the wire of the home phone wouldn't let you move far away anyway.

You felt your eyes sting up with tears by fear. You remember Jungkook and Taehyung warning.

Your breath turned shallow and your grip on the home phone started to tremble. You felt cornered and scared.

“What’s the identity of the masked killer of Scream?”

You inhaled deep, this one was easy.

“Uhm, his name was Billy, Sidney’s boyfriend.”

Your eyes roamed your kitchen, watching your surroundings again with dread and fear.

“Good.”

You couldn’t help but frown again because he sounded so familiar to you, but you can’t pinpoint of whom that voice belongs to.

“Last one; what’s the plot twist of Friday the 13th?”

Fucking fucker.

This time your eyes blurred by unshed tears because of how nervous and panicked you felt. You’ve never been good at dealing with strong emotions, even when you try to act tough, in your insides you’re very easy to scare and intimidate.

“I- please i-I don’t know,” you stuttered with quivering lips, you feel like having a panic attack.

“Look behind you, sweetheart.”

Your breath hitched sharply, you turned your neck to look behind you, widening your eyes and screaming at the top of your lungs when you saw a man in your kitchen, wearing a ghostface mask and waving his unoccupied hand at you.

And then you run.

And he did it too.

You grabbed your phone from the couch, noticing with horror how the SIM card was missing. But you didn’t have time to linger about that thought.

You listened to his steps chasing you from behind, making you run faster by the increase of adrenaline pumping your veins.

You tried to open the front door of your house, but it didn’t budge. You were home alone, your parents went out in a trip.

You were fucked up.

Without any more options, you climbed the staircases hiding in a bathroom.

You try texting your parents but it was past midnight and your phone didn’t have its sim card, so you can’t call neither text.

That’s why you opened the app where you and your friends have the group chat.

Group chat: Y/n and the homos.

You: CALL THE POLICE THERE’S SOMEONE IN MY HOUSE AND THEYTOOKMYSIM CARD

Jjk: y/n? what the fuck, that’s not funny.

You: PLEASE IM NOT JOKING AND I CANTK CALLM THEPLICE

Tae: are you being serious right know?

Jiminnie: you guys again?

Jjk: Y/n’s saying there’s someone in her house but she can’t call the police but she can chat with us lol.

You: GUYS PLEASEIMSERIUS PLEASE HES COMING I NEED YOUR HELP CALL THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!

Tae: dude writing in capitals won’t make your prank more credible

You screamed into your hand with frustration, pulling your hairs out and weeping with fear, you wanted to smash your head against the tiles by exasperation. They weren’t taking you seriously.

Then you half open the door quietly, watching the murderer roaming the hallway. When he turned his back to you, distracted on his phone, you took yours to snap a picture of him.

Group chat: Y/n and the homos.

You: *send picture*

You: THIS IS HIM HES INMYHOUSE

Jjk: what the fuck

You: JUNGKOOK IM HAVINGAPANICK ATTACK CALL THE FUCKING POLICE OR ILL KILL YOU MYSELF

Tae: Damn no need to be so harsh y/n, calm down.

You: CALL THE POLICE YOU MORONS

Jiminnie: u guys r so annoying

You: jiminniehelp me please please please im scared imnot lying

Jjk: y/n you’re making me worry, aren’t you fucking with us?

You: NOO!!!!!!!!

Tae: oh well, then we should do something abt it

You: OFC U IDIOT

Jjk: yeah ur right tae, what we should do?

You: CALLTHEPOLICE?????!!!!!!!!

Tae: u think so?

Jjk: mm not so sure

Tae: and u Jiminnie, what do u think?

You: guys whats happening, please im scared

Jiminnie: I think I’ll go and help my y/n.

You frowned with trembling hands, tasting the saltiness of your silent tears. You were about to throw up and insult them again but the bathroom’s door opening made you jump with fear.

“Here you are.”

In any other circumstance you would scream and run for your life, you would grab something from the bathroom to throw it at him and save your life. But none of that happened, you stayed in your spot freeze, maybe because you were having a panic attack, but even then your primal instincts should fuel you to run. But that wasn’t the reason of your frozen state. Not at all. It was the fact that you recognized that voice.

“You… are you…”

Then the murderer took off his ghostface mask, tilting his head to the side and making your heart shatter.

“Yes my y/n?”

Jimin, fucking Park Jimin.

The deep fear was replaced by ugly hurt and anger. You saw red, walking towards him with your fists clenched, you punched him on his shoulder but he didn’t budge.

“How dare you scared me like that! You think is funny?! I hate you so much, I don’t want to see your fucking face ever again. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” you screamed at the top of your lungs, with angry tears streaming to your chin.

“You thought I was joking?” he asked with mirth, the dark glint in his eyes turned your stomach with dread.

“Just get out Jimin,” you said tired and hurt.

“Y/n, I’m here to kill you-”

And just by that your fear came back twice as hard, your ears buzzed clogging up Jimin’s next words.

You ignored your throat lump of hurt and betrayal, you felt numb while running away from him, hiding in one of the bottom’s cabinets of your kitchen.

You wrapped your arms around your legs, pulling your knees to your chest. You cried until you felt your eyes swelling.

“Y/n? Baby where are you?”

Your eyes widened at Taehyung’s sweet voice calling for you.

You didn’t think twice before opening the cabinet and throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Taehyung chuckled hugging you back as hard, stroking your hair while you’re crying on his neck.

“There there, nothing bad will happen to you.”

The shinning knife in Taehyung’s other hand knocked some sense into you. The realization of your reality hit you hard making you gasp and break the hug in a flash, you watched him with your jaw set and your eyes showing the deep hurt and betrayal you felt inside.

Taehyung foxy smile widened on his lips, he pouted when you took a step back from him.

“I won’t hurt you, I promise,” he said softly, biting his bottom lip to stop a smirk.

You let him come closer to you just a step, and then you blow his head with a pan making him whimper with pain. You used his moment of confusion to run away past him.

You opened a window to get out of your house, your ears were buzzing by the raw adrenaline pumping your veins like liquid fire.

You were so, so close to reach your car until you’re not. The next thing you know is that you’re falling face down on the floor by a body launching at your back. You groaned with pain, feeling the body pinning you to the ground by its weight.

“Caught you,” Jungkook’s voice taunted against your ear, sounding out of breath.

You screamed at the top of your lungs, making Jungkook cursed under his breath. He covered your mouth quickly, lifting your body to take you inside the house again.

Your eyes were too swollen by the amount of tears you shed tonight, you were tired and hurt by their sick game.

Jungkook sat on your couch with you on his lap, one arm wrapped around your naked waist to pull you against his chest.

“Isn’t she so cute?” asked Jimin sighing dreamily, you felt acid rage running your veins. You felt like being mocked on.

“A little feisty, but pretty.” Taehyung sat beside you on the couch, his forehead dripping a little bit of blood. You smiled wide at his wound.

“Did it hurt?” You pointed to his forehead, he simply nodded with the corner of his lips curling down.

“Good,” you grinned with hatred.

“Now now, no need to be mean to our Taetae.” Jimin squatted before you, stroking your cheek even when you flinched your face away with disgust.

“No need to be fucking weirdos either, if you want to kill me do it already.” And then you literally spat on Jimin’s face, but to your horror and disgust he grinned wide tasting your drool with his tongue.

You wanted to throw up at the nasty sight.

“Sweetheart, we don’t want to hurt you, even less kill you,” chuckled lowly Jungkook behind you, his grip on your waist tightened a little.

“What? But Jimin said-“

“I didn't say anything, silly. You didn't even let me finish before running away,” Jimin sighed standing up, getting out of the living room and leaving you there feeling totally lost.

“Then… why are you guys doing this?” You whispered weakly, feeling way more unease than before.

“You’ll see.” Whispered back Taehyung near your ear, chuckling when you flinched.

And you did see it.

Jimin dragged your parent’s tied bodies to the floor of the living room, making your stomach sink with horror and dread.

“We came here to kill them.” Grinned proudly Jimin, kicking your dad’s side when he tried to wiggle out of his ties.

“Why!? Leave them alone they did nothing wrong!” You shouted at the top of your lungs, so loud that your throat hurt.

Jimin’s face morphed into an enraged scowl. He walked towards you in two large steps, gripping your chin up roughly. His jaw was set and his gaze hard.

“Shut up, before I cut your tongue.” He hissed with fury swimming in his brown eyes.

You whimpered afraid, recoiling into Jungkook’s chest unconsciously. Jimin’s always been scary when he’s pissed off, but never to this point.

Jimin’s face softened immediately at your fearful expression, you saw a hint of regret in his gaze.

“Hey, don’t scare her.” Jungkook snapped soothing you when you cried, he hugged you tightly. But his soft kiss on your temple didn’t comfort you at all, it only made you wailed harder with disgust.

“Puh-please just… leave us alone, what do you want?” You asked with labored breaths, you looked up hopeless at Jimin.

“Hyung,” warned Taehyung darkly. He sounded on edge by your cries.

“We want you.” Said Jimin with a cold voice.

“And we’re pissed at your parents for lying to you about us.” Continued Jungkook with a thick angered voice.

“So, we came here to teach them a lesson.” Grinned widely Taehyung like a sadist.

It was nothing new that your parents didn’t like your friends, they always told you to get away from them. You never listened to your parents because you thought they were saying bullshit, but you damn regretted not listening to them. They were right about these sickos.

“So you just want me.” You deadpan.

“Yep.” You listened behind you.

“Okay fine, do whatever you want with me. But. Let. Them. Go.” You gritted between teeth, pointing at your parents passed out on the floor.

The living room went silent at your words, the hush made you feel unease.

Jimin squatted in front of you again, this time, giving you the meanest and sadistic grin you’ve ever seen before.

“Take her up.” He ordered lowly, piercing his heavy and intimidating gaze on you, then his eyes dropped slowly to stare at your naked torso, gaze darkening and fixated on your chest. You felt your cheeks heating up by embarrassment, you felt self-conscious.

Your throat lump and your stomach turned when Jungkook carried you up to your room. Taehyung coo when he saw your silent tears streaming from your eyes.

Jungkook laid you down on the mattress rather softly, making your heart shatter. They were your best friends. The acid betrayal you felt burning your chest and throat was too painful to bear.

You weren’t surprised when you saw your SIM card on your nightstand.

“Stop looking so miserable, we’re not hurting you.” Jungkook said on the defensive. His scowl only angered you, but another part of you enjoyed to see that your disgust affected him.

“You fucking hurt my parents, chase me in my own house and manipulated me to let you fuck me! I have all the right in the world to feel and look miserable!” You felt your vocal cords ripping by your loud scream.

Jungkook and you stared at each other with labored breaths, you didn’t break your gaze in challenge, until you heard Jimin’s giggles.

“Tied her to the bed,” he said with a smile, making your stomach turn.

You closed your eyes, if they wanted to have their way with you, so it be. But you’ll be just a dull body under them, you choose to dissociate rather than to be present for them.

“None of that, open your eyes.” Taehyung growled gripping harshly your chin.

Your breath hitched when you felt a hand wrapping your neck, making your eyes open in a flash.

And the image above you freeze your entire body.

The three of them were staring down at you with hunger on their eyes, you saw their pretty faces coming closer to yours, smiling like the devils they were.

Ready to wreck you.

You can read the +18 continuation on Patreon.

taglist:

@demonshauntingthedoves @pynkgothicka @cutequeen00 @nothingsreal420 @ririkookiemonster-archives @cannotalwaysbenight @loumin908 @devilzliaison @uniquecutie-puffs @polarnightmyg

226 notes · View notes

quimichi · 1 year ago

Note

NSFW [ SFW if NSFW isn’t okay- ] Malleus Hc? [ male reader if your comfy with tat, if not gn is good too :3 ] ignore if your not taking requests or this isn’t okay-

. . . . . . . . . ╰──╮MY DEAREST ╭──╯ . . . . . . . . .

(N)SFW MALLEUS BF HCS

Malleus x Gn!Reader

A/n: I do male reader, but since you said gn reader is fine too I did gn reader! I hope it's ok but obviously I can still do a male reader ♡

SFW

: ̗̀➛ first of all, damn you're lucky like---

: ̗̀➛ the fact that you're now in a relationship with the most powerful being of the school is mad scary for so many. After all, you're just a magicless human.

: ̗̀➛ but you are so much more to Malleus himself, and he takes a pot of pride in being your partner, boyfriend sounds so...weird to him

: ̗̀➛ Lilia btw is a super proud mom

: ̗̀➛ i have the add the adorable gargoyle stuff because it's a Malleus thing. He always takes his time and is open minded to youe interest, so obviously you are too! Whatever it might be he will try and study it to understand you better

: ̗̀➛ please help him tho, he may get a little lost in places of the internet if he ever trys to learn more on there

: ̗̀➛ insist on you two sleeping together. And INSISTS that you and Grim move to his dorm, his room to be specific, because the conditions you live in? We don't talk about them---

: ̗̀➛ once he got a taste of cuddling, it was over for you. He can and will get clingy at night, pulling you into his chest so he can hold you

: ̗̀➛ very protective and somehow greedy. Your attention is his, his animalistic dragon side may come out there but you can deal with it, so far that is-

: ̗̀➛ gets you way to expensive presents, mostly with pretty gems. Things like jewelry, or even other decorative pieces. All in your favorite color(s)

: ̗̀➛ loves to take late night walks with you, having your arms linked while slowly walking beside each other enjoying not only the atmosphere but each other's company

: ̗̀➛ will also read to you if you ever ask for it. Having you falling asleep right there in his arms ro his soothing voice really does sound like a dream

: ̗̀➛ lol he literally told Sebek to also protect you from any harm that comes if he can't be around you (which is like so rare he's glued to your side)

: ̗̀➛ baby can't use his phone right and would think that if he speaks to his phone with the chat open it will magically send the text to you, like you always do with voice mails---

: ̗̀➛ or he has his front camera open and doesn't know how to turn the view so he literally turns the whole phone and trys to blindly press the button

: ̗̀➛ he's so cute stfu

NSFW

: ̗̀➛ this guy is huge like---massive. You have to be around his size to really take it down good-

: ̗̀➛ rip to my fellow small people out there

: ̗̀➛ obviously he gives off big dick energy and this is what he has, a big dick. Like 9 inches, in cm that would be 22

: ̗̀➛ it's average in thickness but the length...damn: ̗̀➛ like i said before very protective, also meaning possessive. He will mark you up, with his smell and with any other sign he can. That's why he gets you the jewelry too. And also hickey's

: ̗̀➛ if you dont like those, he won't do any of them he respects you to much for this to push you into anything that you are not willing to at least try. Same with showing them, if you don't like people to know this way, he is very okay with this

: ̗̀➛ since he does love and respect you a lot, like literally adore and being obsessed with you, you will have the final word of anything. He is willing to try everything out of curiosity and will maybe bring something up himself, but won't MAKE you do anything. A no is a no after all

: ̗̀➛ so a no for him is definitely degration, like sry people who like it but no-

: ̗̀➛ [FEM REDER] a little yandere but would baby trap you at some point in life cause he knocks you up all the time with everything he has. So in the end, you are truly only his

: ̗̀➛ [MALE READER] would also let you take control once in a while. Yes, he is dominant for 99% but if you are also, just ask and take control he won't bite unless you want to, bite back even. Literally ruin this man's insides he will love it ♡

: ̗̀➛ seeing you so...rounded with his cum just makes him keep going, if you let him

: ̗̀➛ also, belly bulge. It's hypnotizing seeing himself going in and out of you, in and out...

: ̗̀➛ can go for so many rounds, because the Stamina he has is insane. Like he turns when you star begging for his dick inside you

: ̗̀➛ really loves to hear you, he knows you're obsessed with his voice but so is he with yours. He won't only whisper those dirty but also sweet things into your ear, making you weak. He wil also make you say things you were never expecting to say, without him forcing you. Same with the noises he can draw out

: ̗̀➛ He makes you shameless without even realizing it and it makes his brain go brrr

: ̗̀➛ to a point where Lilia heard it more than once-

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst headcanons #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #twisted wonderland smut #twisted wonderland headcanon #malleus x yuu

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princelance · 22 days ago

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a movie........

time for a rant that has been a looong time coming because

the FUCK??? NOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NO NO NO PLEASE GOD IF YOU'RE OUT THERE NEVER LET THIS MOVIE SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY NEVER EVEN MENTION THAT SHOW EVER AGAIN IN MY PRESENCE it should fucking DIE and stay DEAD

the WORST fandom i've ever come across/been part of. everyone was so fucking braindead. god the bullying here was So Bad. vld fandom was the epitome of 'you can't enjoy what you like'. and the bullies were like, some of the most popular blogs here. the content creators (among others ofc) here were NASTY. the people making decent art were so fucking rude to almost anyone that didn't bow down to them and agree with their views on the show, sitting on their high horse like they were fucking gods or something when they were like, 17 or something. mind u voltron was a show about ugly transformers lions and a bunch of kids in space meant for 7 YEAR OLDS. like stfu it's not deep, it's not important. i get that this is the internet i really do but apparently everyone was a pedo and homophobic and racist and needed to be cancelled because they weren't pure angels. i hope the people who liked the show, both teens and adults alike, have grown up and learnt what those words actually mean and why you shouldn't just casually throw them around. i hated you all. u had to be so careful about what you said on here, it was like north korea or something. i remember how kids got bullied into deleting their harmless fanfics, the fucking voice actors got bullied on a daily basis, it was BAD. i remember i got hate for having shiro as my icon and the background was the bi flag colours. I AM BI. also, so what if i had headcanoned shiro as bi, you couldn't have stopped me or anyone else from thinking that, and also IT WOULD NOT HAVE MATTERED, HE'S FICTIONAL, HE'S JUST LINES AND PIXELS. i know this is going to shatter some of your worlds (or at least would have back then), but a random ass nobody on tumblr headcanoning a character as bi when said character is "actually" straight/gay/whatever is NOT going to affect irl queer people in any way, it does NOT have real life consequences. who gives a fuck. since when has the fandom given a shit about canon anyway? fuck you.

okay, i've been bitching about the fandom enough (no i haven't, there's no way you can ever bitch about the vld fandom enough). what about the actual show? well. once again it's meant for 7 year olds. who cares if it was good or not. i've seen seasons 1–6. i liked season 1, didn't really like anything after that since the show seemed to change so much. the first season kind of has a different vibe completely? idk how to explain it, it just kind of feels like the actual show and then the rest was just a long fanfic by someone who was in love with keith's character. but since i was watching the show with my sister who was 10 at the time, it was fine, otherwise i wouldn't have kept watching after seeing season 2 i don't think.

here are a few negative things about the show imo:

making keith the main character out of nowhere after s1 (where he definitely wasn't the main focus) was so dumb. god the showrunners loved keith sooo much, it was so stupid. keith was nooot a leader. whatever.

making keith the black paladin was also so fucking stupid my god. and yes, everyone here wanting LANCE to become the black paladin just because he was the fandom favourite (don't get me wrong, he was my fave too) was so fucking braindead too honestly. shiro or allura. no one else made any sense.

canon allurance SUUUCKED. like holy shit that was so bad and horribly written, even lotor and allura had a better love story and had waaay more chemistry (and their relationship ended badly, rightfully so). and NO klance was never ever ever going to be canon, you were so delusional. like lmaooo did we even watch the same show? i just really enjoyed their dynamic and that's why i shipped them together, whatever. but yeah, like i said the bullying here was disgusting and everyone was cancelled, great, klance seemed to be the only thing you were allowed to like so in that sense i was lucky.

everything they did with allura in the later seasons............ you know what? i'm not even going to start. because wtfffffffff, as a storyteller myself i ?????? what in the world were they thinking. but yeah whatever it does not matter.

the point of this post is that EW EW EWWWW FUCK THAT SHOW AND FUCK YOU, if you were in the voltron fandom in 2017/2018 i personally hate you

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #klance #allurance #🤢#if you disagree with anything i said. you're wrong. dni.#i was happy with my klance fic back then tho. i deleted it but hm i should probably post it again just for shits and giggles #it was a childhood friends to lovers no voltron au where keith was pining HARD lol #im usually not this negative but the whole… vld experience i had here on tumblr was kinda traumatizing #it took me a few years to stop being so careful and nervous and scared online

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p-redux · 11 months ago

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Hi P. Let me begin by saying I really enjoy your blog especially when you put Sam "haters" in their place. Which brings me to my question. I have read references to Sam's "5 acting things" but I'm wondering what people are referring to. Even Cait has mentioned it once or twice. Some commenters have used the phrase sarcastically. I'm having trouble finding info about it in your archive. Could you please guide me with a # to narrow my search or could your followers help me out? Thank you !

Hi, thanks for your kind words about my blog!

As for the "5 acting things," I'm not sure what that refers to. You won't find it if you search it on my blog because I don't think I've ever mentioned it. I did a Google search and there's an article with Caitriona Balfe, where she mentions Sam's eyebrow arch as one of his acting things. 👇

Here's the excerpt. 👇

I'm assuming she's referring to some actors who have some acting techniques or mannerisms they use. And for some actors, they're things that are ingrained in them, so they do them no matter the role. Some actors try to conquer their innate mannerisms and actively work against them in each role. And others, bring some of themselves to each role, and don't get rid of their mannerisms.

Some examples of great actors who don't get rid of their mannerisms or "5 acting things" are: Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, Samuel L. Jackson, George Clooney, Jack Nicholson, and back in the day, John Wayne. You always know it's Tom Cruise in whatever role he's playing, but that doesn't mean he's not great in his movies. He is. He and the others I mentioned, among many others not listed, have that "it" factor. That charisma or star quality that you either have or you don't. They're mesmerizing to watch; they suck you in just by their presence, and you can't take your eyes off them whenever they're on the screen. Sam Roland Heughan has that "it" factor.

Soooo, when haters try to put him down by saying he's got certain mannerisms he uses no matter the role, refer him to the list of GREATS above, and tell them to take several seats and STFU. Also, a famous eyebrow archer, no matter the role, and undeniably, one of the greatest actors of all time, Mr. Jack Nicholson. 👇

Sam's in good company.

#samheughan #sam heughan #5 acting things #five acting things #caitriona balfe #jack nicholson #eyebrow arch

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magixfairyix · 3 months ago

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Winx Club Incorrect Quotes

From my self-indulgent chatfic that takes place after my fanfiction S.S.S. so when all of them get along.

Iorda is my OC.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Iorda: DARCY OMFG YOU LITTLE SHIT

Darcy: Yeah yeah stfu

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Icy: No, like, I still like men. Men are hot. But Bloom is also hot. I know that sounds like a pun, but that isn't

Stormy: I mean, you could be bi, or pan, or omni. etc. There are a lot of things that would explain why you find Bloom of all people hot

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Iorda: STORMY HELP ME SHE'S GETTING CLOSER IMA DIE! STOP YOUR CRAZY SISTER FROM MURDERING ME PLEASE I WILL OWE YOU!

Stormy: You're in the coven. She's your crazy sister now. Have fun ;)

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Stormy: Okay, let's get to work witches and bitches

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The Squad watching Frozen

Stormy: Aw shit, bye bye Anna

Flora: No! She can't die yet! ;0;

Aisha: I think she is...

Tecna: If she dies I'll help you sue whoever made this

Bloom: Disney

Icy: They sound like asswholes

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Tecna: But here is the real question, Icy:

Icy: Yes...?

Tecna Did the cold bother you anyway?

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The Squad watching Raya and the Last Dragon

Flora: Aw the little TukTuk <3

Aisha: I WANNA SQUISH IT SO BAD

Icy: You'll kill it!

Aisha: *gently

Darcy: Proceeds to gently kill the TukTuk

Aisha: You know what I mean!

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Stormy and Flora smiled at the exchange before looking at each other, making expressions and hand gestures that conveyed that they both knew.

They both know the two fuckers were gay.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Stormy: OH! Do you, by any chance, have a little... >:)

Darcy: Say crush and I forcefully assist you in shedding your skin

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Stormy: ... do you seriously think if you got into a romantic relationship with Iorda that you'd hurt her?

Darcy: Yeah, of course. What else would happen?

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

"Glad I'm corrupting you so well," Darcy teased and decided to retaliate because them and Iorda banter on the daily. This wasn't any different, right? "Sweetheart."

Iorda coughed on air because one thing she hadn't learned from Darcy was how to have an excellent poker face. She wasn't expecting that comment, and holy shit her brain wasn't functioning she was too gay for this. If she had a pillow she would scream in it.

"Shut up," Iorda said, laughing under her breath and trying to calm herself down. Darcy cackled, throwing her head back, and Iorda looked back at the group awhile in front of her. "MUSA I'M GETTING VERBALLY ABUSED!"

Barely Iorda could see Musa look back at them. "GOOD! YOU PROBABLY ENJOY IT!"

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Icy: I'm up for it. Also excited to see Bloom's type~

Bloom: =0o0=

Darcy: Simp

Iorda: wHeRe dId yOu lEaRn ThAt wOrD DaMmIT???

Musa: Bloom

Icy: Wait, what does that word mean?

Darcy: It means Bloom would like you to step on her

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Iorda: As one would say on Earth...

Icy: Not again -_-

Iorda: "Villan women."

Darcy: You have problems you know that right?

Iorda: Yeah, nO sHiT

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Musa: DO IT NO BALLS

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

#winx club chatfic #winx club fanfiction #winx club incorrect quote #winx club funny #winx club

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nerdysleepybunny · 2 months ago

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why hello lovely author :D

it’s the person that asked for the Don with a confident, yet oblivious crush kiss hcs a while ago, and i thought they were so fucking cute <33

if you’re not too busy, and as a part two to those headcanons, i now request some wholesome hcs with Don, like cuddling, dates, forms of affection, who would be the big/little spoon, would he be fine as either, when is he down for cuddling, things like that.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself and remembering to get enough sleep, drink enough water, eating enough food, etc. :D

GIRRRRL YOU SENT THIS ASK LITERALLY LAST YEAR I AM SO SO SORRY 😭🫶🏻

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Fandom(s): The Promised Neverland

Character(s): Don (ft. Ray, Emma, Norman)

Reader: Gender neutral (they/you)

TW: N/A

Style: Hcs

Summary: general dating hcs with Don <3

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Honeymoon stage? Nah, this is honeymoon LIFE. Especially since you guys are young, I don’t think he’ll ever get over the excitement of dating you until you guys are older 😭

But then again the show isn’t really about maturing, it’s more about just surviving. So I doubt Don would ever grow up 💀

Maybe in the human world!

But let’s keep it in the house for now ^^

As for cuddles, Don is kind of shy at first.

He wants to keep any physical affection in private, saying he doesn’t want anybody (Gilda) to know and that he has a “reputation” (he does indeed have a reputation… just not the kind he wants 😭)

Later on in the relationship is when he begins to show you off! The mix of knowing you’re in it with him for the long one AND gaining confidence in himself with the help of the fullscore trio, he loses a lot of his shame.

Doesn’t lose an ounce of his stupidity, though. He’ll walk around with you with his arm on your shoulder and showing you off, acting like he’s the big man 😭

I see Don as a cuddle switch. But tbh I don't really see him doing spoon cuddles. I feel like you two would cuddle lying on your sides directly next to each other, face to face, legs tangled and arms wrapped around each other.

Also Don tosses and turns in his sleep, sorry I don't make the rules

If you're a light sleeper you'll wake up to him pushing you away in his sleep so he's completely spread out on the bed and you're about to fall off

If you're a deep sleeper and don't get pushed off the bed by him, you'll just wake up to the both of you in completely different positions than how you started out

Yes, you've seen him on the floor once.

(Would Isabella even allow the children to sleep together?)

(Just saying, if Isabella were to be strict about the children each sleeping in their own beds, you and Don absolutely secretly cuddle together. Might make hcs of secret cuddling with different TPN characters :3)

There isn't much you can do for "dates" in the house..

But Don tries anyway!

Picks flowers for you if you like them

Idk Don seems like the type to enjoy arts and crafts

Arts and crafts date!!! :D

Have y'all seen those tiktoks of people making clay stuff with their partner? Those are the vibes I'm getting

Don sucks ass at making literally anything but he has fun anyway! Especially if you praise his work

Bring the fullscore trio into it and it'll be even more fun

(The trio will in fact tryhard but like in the sweetest way possible? Like you and Don will be pissed but how can you stay mad at those sweethearts)

Emma and Norman would proudly present their picture perfect clay creations and then see your bad ones and be like "oh... it's okay, practice makes perfect!"

I love you guys but please stfu

I wanna say that Ray would say something mean but tbh I don't really see him as the bragging type? Maybe as a joke to close friends, but he wouldn't do it to just anyone. Especially around the other children.

If you have little siblings/cousins and you're both doing something that you're good at, you learn to go easy on them so they don't cry 😭

Anyways back to Don

Likes smooches! I see him prefering skin kisses over lip kisses

A quick peck on the lips is fine, and a good way to fluster him

But a whole make out sesh is ehhh

Y'all are kids, you shouldn't be doing that anyway 😭

Loves loves lovesss kisses all over the face though!

Forehead, nose, cheeks

They make him smile :)

They especially feel good when he's still trying to get over the truth of the secret

He'll remember all of his dead siblings and begin spiraling, but your loving kisses keep him grounded

It reminds him that you're there for him, and gives him a reason to keep going; to not lose you as well

🩷☁️N E R D Y S L E E P Y B U N N Y☁️🩷

Apologies again for the wait! I love your Don asks <3

#bun writes #the promised neverland #tpn ray #tpn norman #tpn emma #tpn gilda #tpn don #tpn isabella

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bridgetswonderfulland · 10 months ago

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so uhh 2024 Promo became a thing so here it goes

🩷 Hoi, dear wonderful people! If you're reading this in 2024 then welcome to my Wonderful Land! Where everything else was fill with magical cutesy things but there are some stuff to watch out for! Not all cutesy things in my blog were the same! 🩷

You might be wondering who am I, I'm Bridget(call me Bridgette for safety reasons) and I'm barely an adult but I swear I won't hurt anybody's lives! I was known for being a Frontier Hero Veteran of the Amino app!(this community itself ruins me thanks to that bastard.) Plus, I'm a story-writer and a artist that put post outside of Tumblr and Instagram because I have myself a discord server! I might have a personal serious trauma problems but please be nice to me, I'm sensitive af- let's not worry about that! As you say, my art trades/asks are open but I'll be not opening up requests. Here are the fandoms I've stayed and joined

Pizza Tower, American McGee's Grimm, Toonocracy(it's not even a fandom but they deserve a recognition-), Let's Find Larry!, and OFF!

Before you go and follow me, please make sure to read BYF and DNI!

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

I might be annoying and talking in the serious unfunny manner but please don't get upset! I enjoy talking but I swear I won't be talkative as long! If you don't like me being here then you could just block me.

I have many hyperfixations and I won't STFU about it so please respect it! At least they're not problematic.

I do post some pictures that many people will find it disturbing or weird but don't be grossed out as there will be some random cutesy things too below!

My selfshippings/OC x canon(s) were very important to me and I can do it the hell I want

Even though as already an adult, I better not be seeing your blog as a weird problematic type. My blog was safe for everyone!

DO NOT INTERACT!!

Transphobes, homophobes, acephobes, fatphobes, NSFW, NSFT, NSFL, real gore, Proshipers, other fandoms that I don't trust(MSM, Danganronpa, YTTD, BTD, FNF, UT/Deltarune{I don't really mind the fans but the fandom itself is... something.}, drug-users, fetishy, NFTS, and snuff blogs.

My account is safe for everyone, just your not-so-average silly lady with a bunch of wholesome freaky fun!

(Note: Please be aware that I have a coping blog @bridgetscomfyspace but you're gonna see a lot of self-insert, vent/gore art, and a lot of yapping. This Coping Blog doesn't allow NSFW/fetish/proship stuff so please DNI and block of you're one of them or felt uncomfortable with my self-shipping.)

#2024 promo #It's a random promo thing I found

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hawthornsword · 9 months ago

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The Batch Season Three

Episodes 1,2,3 reaction

One of the primary things I enjoy about the show as a whole is that it takes its time.

Episode 1 is just this long drawn out moody thing to really drive home the situation, and I love that it just wallows in it. No rushing through to get to the action, we are building the mood and the anticipation and you are going to be fully immersed in the moment and the stakes before we move on.

Episode 2, the condition of Hunter and Wrecker's armor, then pointing out that they went against The Pykes, one of the most powerful cartels in the galaxy, on the off chance of gaining an unverified lead really drives home Hunter's desperation and how long it has been. He can't wait two days for two more people he trusts most in the world, and despite Wrecker reminding him that going in unprepared tends to get them killed, Hunter doesn't hesitate. He's near unhinged and it's clear Wrecker is the only thing keeping him even a little bit balanced. Wrecker deserves a fucking medal for keeping it together while Hunter is falling apart. He doesn't get enough credit. And again we're absolutely wallowing in despair here.

I just appreciate how atmospheric the whole show is and how they take their time to really drive home the emotion and the stakes and the anticipation of it all.

I was so happy to see the cadets! Named clones who don't die!!! We have been blessed this day!!! Named clones who don't die, who Hunter is going to take to Pabu so they can be kids and grow up happy! Double blessed!!! And them really driving home the point that there are no more differences between Regs and 99s anymore. They're all clones raised to be soldiers, they were all betrayed and abandoned, and what matters now is their loyalty to one another. I'm crying.

Also noticing they're still very committed to their horror vibes with the spooky scittering creepy crawly things in the dark and giant monsters this season, which I am surprisingly super into. More please.

Batcher is the best puppy. She's a perfect good girl and we love her and she deserves all the treats. I am 100% here for A Kid And Their Dog stories. More Batcher is required please and thank you.

And of course, the Omega and Crosshair team up is 100% what we all hoped for and expected, I think. 10/10, 100% perfection. Snarky siblings! Grumpy asshole and hopeful idealistic one! The hopeful one wearing down the hopeless one and restoring his give a shit. The hopeless one not letting the hopeful one get discouraged when things go wrong. Their seamless teamwork, because the 99s trained Omega so well that she and Cross can work together as if they always have. "Tech made me memorize all of the plans." "Of course he did." The fondness in his voice! STFU I'm not crying you're crying!

Okay, strong start, very pleased.

Needs More Echo.

Needs more Rex.

WHERE IS CODY IS HE SAFE?!?!?!?!?!! NO I WILL NOT STOP ASKING!

#the bad batch #the bad batch season 3 #the bad batch spoilers

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mandy4ever69420 · 30 days ago

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listen ur always on point about your statements but have u considered is just not always that serious? so what if people have hc of the milkoviches with gastrointestinal problems maybe its not cause its "haha funny" and they arent taking is as a dysfunctionality and a serious matter but maybe and hear me out just maybe theyre making their hc based on their own experiences so they can relate or project on their beloved characters just stfu and get out of your own ass it doesnt have to be this serious let people enjoy things

also while were at it ur always sooo right about your opinion about everything but quit this habit of calling stupid people who dont think like you sometimes theyre really just not as educated on this matter and your comment enables the opportunity for them to reflect and grow and research more but if u keep calling them stupid everytime theyll just hate u and hate whatever is the point ur making is so contra productive quit it already

considered not answering this one but it does look like you're trying to be nice and only accidentally acting kind of dickish. anyway please consider what you're saying when you complain that someone sounds mean (?) for saying that an idea is stupid* and in the same message ask me to "get my head out of my ass and stfu"

sometimes it is that serious & if the only times you've seen gastrointestinal issues posted about has been in contexts where op is just relating then i congratulate you. i happen to know that this kind of joke can and will hurt peoples feelings. go bananas if you're just relating but also maybe the post isn't about you then

for example: this message i received literally just barely after making the post you're responding to (shared with permission)

i'm not going to accept "it's not that deep" as a response to concerns about racism misogyny or ableism though. it often is & people don't notice and allow themselves to continue being kind of jerks by just figuring it's not a big deal. also because i read posts like i'm michael hobbes and peter shamshiri on if the books could kill podcast

*i even agree with you on this one. i don't like defaulting to calling stuff dumb it's usually what comes out when i don't bother to specify/knee jerk negative reaction. if but also, counter productive for what? i don't post for anybody but me & i have no need for an audience or care if random tumblr users don't like me

#interesting you mention being educated though. because i'm very much like a dropout. most of what i learned i did on my own #this is something anyone can do. i know i linked to spotify but people can also listen to that podcast for free pretty much anywhere etc #*in bio

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xb0rder-7inex · 6 months ago

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TW : DV

I'm going to make a pinned post to explain again why I'm not nice to people who throw out words like "you shouldn't this" and "you should that"

Like, I'm sorry, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but please stfu.

I don't have the brain capacity to think about this right now but until you've been in an abusive relationship, do not ask someone why they won't leave. Don't tell me that I deserve better. Don't say anything along the lines of anything remotely similar to that. I understand that you're trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's actually really insensitive and triggering.

There is very much a reason why there has to be a safety plan in place and it literally takes 7-10 attempts at leaving before it's ever a success. And because it can take so long (years), some people will just stop trying.

I am not in any kind of place at all to be ready to leave and that probably means that I don't really want to and it's not because I'm trauma bonded it's because I have already lost everything I had in the midst of all this chaos and I do not have the mental or emotional capacity right now to try. I have always intended on returning to this relationship and everything needs to be done in baby steps. My first goal is just getting out of this shelter and into some kind of place that's mine and we will go from there.

There are men out there who are far more abusive than my boyfriend and in a lot of ways I'm very fortunate that he isn't worse. He isn't violent. He doesn't threaten to kill me. But he does control me in subtle ways. He does emotionally manipulate me. He does hurt me. And I hope it never gets farther than that but the truth is that you truly never fucking know. It took him five months to hit me the first time. Who's to say the next thing he does won't take five years? I hate to even say that out loud but if I'm being logical he probably will not ever change. Sometimes my biggest fear is that things will get worse and I can literally only pray that it stays the same. I can be hopeful about something better, because there's always a possibility, but enjoying the highs while they last is something I've had to accept to avoid losing myself all over again. My BPD is in remission, I'm no longer sick, and I will not let him break me. For two and a half years I struggled bad with my mental health and it made me vulnerable to literally everyone and everything and I didn't care about the savagery of any of it. Being in this relationship is partially my fault. I knew who he was when we started dating. It didn't matter. I loved being his little victim, at least I was his. The borderline part of me fucking relished in it, as long as it was me and only me for him (he used to say, "you're mine and only mine"), I let him do whatever he wanted and I romanticized everything toxic.

That being said, abuse and love can and do coexist (sometimes love can manifest in negative ways) which sounds naive but is a realistic perspective and a lot of people don't understand that abusive relationships are not at all black and white. People as individuals are almost never inherently abusive. There is a very large gray-scale image and people are complex beings who may have one or several reasons for why they behave the way that they do. I won't exploit his privacy, but my boyfriend has very deep roots that tie him to being the way that he is. Not an excuse or a justification, but behaviour is learned and hurt people hurt people (Btw, having been going through extensive therapy for this whole thing, true narcissists and sociopaths are actually quite rare - most people just naturally have a wide range of toxic traits, ie: generational trauma). We still have a lot of really beautiful times together too and our ups are very typical and those are things that I'm likely going to post about as well. The whole point is to commemorate entire cycles and to study our patterns (yes, mine too). It's my own personal social experiment, if you will. And if he ever finds these posts it'll be a really long time of psychological hell. I don't even want to fucking know.

So, much like consoling a person during grief, there is nothing you can say. You do not and will not feel the weight of the gravity of any of it until it's on your shoulders. Everyone has a different healing journey and I'm just documenting mine. Not for an audience. For the future me, for several reasons (yin yang), and I'm sure that you can piece that together by yourself.

#actually borderline #bpd #being borderline #borderline problems #borderline things #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd relatable #t #tw : dv

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storkmuffin · 11 months ago

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November 26.

I'm not good at being in my body or feeling my feelings. Trying to fix that, so when my sternum hurt & my chest tightened during my drive into work today I massaged that area. I burst into tears. Each time the hurt was acute, I patted and rubbed my sad broken heart, gently, and I sobbed.

This is grief.

The last time I did this, sobbing while driving, was when C died on November 26, 2018. Which is the day my friendship with B ended, in 2023. I have been marking the day every year since C's passing, but I think I need to mark it differently. The attempt to avoid taking a whole day to live in my devastating loss may have hastened the bringing on of a new one.

So now is my sad, grief-stricken review of events, in the hopefully not-futile prayer of not repeating this again.

I know when someone blocks you on tumblr you're supposed to stfu forever. But I just was in too much pain, so I reached out to say goodbye, and she was kind of enough to write me back with a patient explanation for why she couldn't have me in her life anymore. It was, in part validating - I hadn't imagined it, that the connection was real. But it's also a repeat of a pattern in my life, for which I may or may not finally have an explanation (Autism Spectrum).

I've had many a relationship end with, How Can You Say Something Like That In That Way? I Can't Forgive You Because You Should Have Known That Is The Line Not To Cross.

Except I don't and never have, until I blunder across it and get told like this in the post mortem, when it's too late.

I wasn't drawn to or intrigued by the new show my ex friend got into, but I wanted to follow her into it, so I read Treasure Island (which was like pulling teeth, because I didn't enjoy it) to get the context. I didn't enjoy the story and felt nothing for Long John Silver. But even so, I started to watch the show. I ploughed through S1 which was fun enough, and relieving to me because I didn't hate it. So I tried to please her, even though she never asked me to do this. I ploughed through S2. I tried to understand this character I find increasingly repellent and incomprehensible, because he behaves in S2 exactly like people I despise in real life, who have undermined and attacked me.

Meanwhile work got insanely busy, and I see now that with C's deathdate barrelling at me, I tried to outrun it by loading myself up still further with projects: signed up for nanowrimo (despite averaging 20K a month this year every month for my long fic), liveblogging the pirate show, working out more, setting up lots of dinners and outings (Nutcracker tix, Mom's birthday lunch, etc etc) for December, and so on. All this while trying to cope with the autism self discovery I've had going on since fall.

On Friday Nov 10 and Nov 17, I had especially bad days at work, not because of the work but from run ins with people. I asked questions that I thought were neutral but they reacted with rage. (Again, the Autism Spectrum thing, and what the lingo seems to call Failure to Mask).

On Nov 23rd, US Thanksgiving, we had a work outing, which I went to out of obligation but it was a loud games-night-at-the-bar event. Nightmare. So I just let myself do what I wanted and ended up sitting numb in the corner with everyone's backs turned to me. They didn't push me out or anything. They all wanted to do that, gather in a rowdy circle shouting over a game, and I found it physically unbearable. I really must be autistic, was my conclusion, and that brought its own fear and sadness.

On the 24th, I went to see a production of Medea, whom they portrayed as a woman who desperately tried to please her husband only to be betrayed, and found herself completely depleted of any inner resources, including her sanity, to help her cope with the aftermath. I wish I hadn't seen that. It was so hopeless.

On the 25th, I had a run in with my father, who picked a fight with me. I know his methods, but I was feeling so tired that I couldn't effectively resist his trying to induce a fight, as I have successfully routinely done for the past couple years. We had a blow out fight.

Then came the 26th, where I made a series of shitposts about the pirate show, which was by then a welcome distraction from reality. Except the show gets very dark in S2, and I had a sense I was supposed to experience an about-face on John Silver during the leg loss plot line and I found I did not. My tumblr friend saw that post, which crossed an absolute boundary, and she was done with me.

I wanted to avoid feeling sad, and the one way I know how to do that is to be busy, but the resultant overload just brought me to a new, completely unanticipated heartbreak. Probably, if I hadn't done the overloading at the start of the month, I may have had more resources to cope with the work outing and the fight with my dad. If I had just spent the 26th in grief instead of trying to avoid that pain, none of this may have happened, or happened differently in a way that didn't hurt my former friend as much, or broke my heart so badly. If I wasn't autistic, I may have had an explicit clear understanding of what the line was I wasn't supposed to cross or possibly, never even had the feelings I had. Oh, if only.

#beloved #heartbreak #tumblr mutual

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