#please someone tell me they stopped harassing trans folks

[fuckboyzuko]

Tumblr: Porn is banned! Selfies from trans people are also banned for some reason! We are banning everything that could be considered even remotely sexual whether it makes sense or not!!!

Also Tumblr:

[ms-demeanor]

Not to be rude or derailing your answer to the ask about the scorched earth post, but I do think quite genuinely that the site is becoming more openly hostile to its userbase, or at the very least its disabled userbase. While I’m not a fan of mobbing people’s personal blogs in targeted harassment campaigns, I think some people are also ignoring that staff blatantly said in a recent post that epileptic users would need to pay for ad-free to have their safety assured

I kind of don’t think that’s being ethical or user friendly, to me that sounds like they’re refusing to meet basic accessibility requests and answering with ‘pay us money to be safe’. Strobing and flashing ads aren’t just eyestraining, they can legitimately lead to serious injuries for epileptic folk, and telling people with epilepsy to just pay up or get lost is kinda… I dunno… disgusting?

So it looks like in a livestream (not on a post so far as I've been able to see) either photomatt or zingring made a glib and inappropriate response to an epileptic user asking about flashing ads and suggested that maybe they needed to pay for ad-free.

That's bad, I don't like it, and if it was supposed to be a joke it was a shitty one.

Zingring, tumblr's COO addressed that comment in a post where she said:

Buying ad-free (or gifting ad-free to someone else) is always an option, but that is not the solution (and of course, some folks simply can’t afford it). Sorry that it sounded dismissive in the session! That was not my intent.

I still think that's inappropriate (it's not that ad free isn't *the* solution, ad free shouldn't be *a* solution to accessibility), but it looks like Zingring has addressed this issue multiple times.

She got tagged in this post listing ways that tumblr could improve accessibility for photosensitive users and seems to have pretty consistently followed up; she has explained that there are rules against flashing ads that are sometimes violated by the advertisers and asks people to please report ads that break those rules so those advertisers can be blocked, has noted that there is apparently a "stop all autoplay" option in the works behind the scenes. She does also seem to take it seriously when users reach out with complaints about accessibility issues and seems to be willing to explore options.

Looking through that blog, this does not seem to be a site that is hostile to users with accessibility issues so much as, like everything else that's wrong around here, it is ridiculously understaffed so every project that someone wants to have as a priority is a project that someone else needs put on the backburner.

However, to very gently push back: how much of what you're experiencing as hostility from tumblr is actual hostility and how much of it is seeing posts like this, which suggests that tumblr is removing accessibility features because the lightbox didn't have double-tap-to-zoom on mobile for some users for a short while, claims that the blocking/flagging issue is a false flag against trans women, shared the inaccurate fearmongering post about tumblr live's ToS, and also claimed that tumblr "allowed" flashing ads that violated the in-place rules that tumblr has for advertising?

(this kind of goes with the 'nobody understands the ToS' but also nobody understands ads; tumblr does not have enough staff to look over the ads that go on their site every day, no social media company does, they rely on advertiser agreements as a sort of enhanced honor system and reports from users if the advertisers don't hold up their end of the bargain; the only way around this for any site that uses ads is to not have ads and that post is explicitly saying don't pay for tumblr because they are doing ads wrong - either they have to run ads and some bad ones are going to slip through and users will have to report them or tumblr will have to be 100% paid by the users or tumblr will go away. If you see ads that are unsafe for photosensitive users on *any* website you should report them to the site because the site almost certainly doesn't know that there's an advertiser violating the ad ToS unless someone tells them)

Generally speaking, I am actually *not* seeing worsening accessibility features, I'm seeing improvements compared to where we were five years ago - alt text on images is now built-in and devs are working hard on making tumblr more compatible with screen readers (as noted in the changes blog regularly); tumblr itself started offering different dashboard themes for users after years of complaints about contrast levels and readability; the "tiktok/twitterified" desktop dash view that everyone hates is supposed to be more readable on wider screens.

Compare this post in October of 2022 when Changes celebrated adding animations for posting (and told users those could only be disabled at an OS or browser level) with this post from July 2023 when they rolled back a feature because of an unexpected use case that could cause problems for photosensitive users.

These aren't things that I'd expect to see from a company that didn't care about accessibility, or that was openly hostile to questions around making the site more accessible.

I don't disagree with you that the comment from the stream about buying ad free was inappropriate; it absolutely was and it must have made photosensitive users feel like shit. But in the three months since that comment tumblr has been very responsive about getting flashing ads removed as soon as possible and seems to be working on more permanent fixes. I think this may be an instance of able-bodied people not realizing how shitty and dehumanizing their joke was (and it was) and taking the steps to do better.

If you don't think they're doing better, I probably can't convince you. I certainly don't think that tumblr is perfect about accessibility and I think that users need to continue pushing for improved user control of how the site displays and interacts with various devices. But compared to the kind of responses users complaints got from staff in 2018? I feel like things have improved a lot.

[pondererswandererswonders]

"So many of us don't want to be clocky & wouldn't be clocky if we'd just been able to go through the right puberty for the first time. That's why we're fighting for trans youth..."

Okay, first of all, what a load of bullshit, that.

Trans liberation is to fight for our rights, and trans liberation for trans youth is to help them not to be discriminated against for being trans, and to have access to care if they desire it or need it. Trans liberation isn't just about looking cis, okay? It's quite tiring how some people put passing as an end goal for trans liberation, or assumes we all universally feel the same way about passing and puberty.

Speaking of which -

As a trans individual who may be a legal adult, but still counts as a part of trans youth (at the time of this post), I quite like being visibly trans and I don't regret or hate the fact that I'm clockable, because it's not my fault that someone else decides to be transphobic to me because of that. I also don't feel like I went through the wrong puberty either. And you know what's surprising, my dear fellow trans people who assume not everyone wants to be clockable? Especially my fellow trans youth who believe that? There are, in fact, trans people who don't give a shit that they're visibly trans and may even like that.

From my own experience in transitioning, it's been only social (going by a different name, use these sets of pronouns please, changing how I dress and behave, etc) and I have zero plans to go further down the transition path by going on HRT, or with going through any surgical transitioning; and I don't feel dysphoric because of that. I don't feel body dysphoria to begin with. And I happen to, at the same time, like being visibly trans, as stated.

Yes, there are some of us who want to pass, but there are a lot who don't, can't even, despite potentially wishing they could; like how there are some who don't or can't pass, and have no desire to. Also some people tend to forget that money goes into transitioning? At least for us poor trans folk, that matters a shit ton.

But fine, okay. I'll try to give the benefit of the doubt. I guess I can try to see where some people are coming from with all this. Maybe some people will say, that I shouldn't be so "obvious" for my safety. I do live in a very transphobic State after all, and maybe I should be concerned with learning how to pass, or just closet myself. And while closeting myself has certainly protected me on occasions from specific people, where does it stop? At some point I'll feel as though I can't keep doing it any longer, and closeting myself doesn't always work because I can't pass as a convincing young woman to everyone, either. I don't pass a young guy from up close and not as my agab from afar. I can't pass. (minus the fact that I'm non-binary and there's nothing I can strive to pass as, in my experience) So I'm always going to be clocked.

And the thing is, sadly cis-passing trans people still get harassed, assaulted, and killed in these parts anyways. It doesn't matter if we look the most "agreeable" to a transphobe, if they want to harass us, hurt us, or kill us, they will.

This isn't to say, though, that cis-passing trans people, or trans people who desire heavily to pass, automatically feed into this belief that that's what all trans people want or "need" to do. It just sucks when I constantly hear people, both trans and cis, say that that should be my one desire. That it should be all of our desire. It kind of makes you feel like you're doing "being transgender" wrong, when you don't desire to pass.

But the thing is - for the people who tell other trans individuals to try to pass, or to try to desire to pass, for their safety - or for those who say, "If you can't pass, why be openly trans at all?" - I want to tell you something. We live in abominable times, we always have, but even though you should keep yourself safe, you should also let yourself fucking live. Allow yourself to live. Because, I won't lie and say that I'm not scared. Fuck, I have been scared everyday this year. But my trans journey has gotten as far as it has already, and I won't conform in a way that both sides want me to, when we're a community that doesn't conform from the moment we, as individuals, even question that we may not be cis.

So yes, cis artists or artists in general can draw visibly trans characters, it makes me happy.

to cis artists, yr allowed to draw trans characters to be clockable, in fact i encourage it. it's not politically incorrect or offensive to depict trans people as being obviously trans, especially if you're drawing cartoons. its not a stereotype a lot of us just look like that

[gayfrenchtoast]

Okay fine we're doing this. I havent read the books and I'm probably not going to I've only seen the movies so I'm sorry if anything I say is contradictory or has already been stated.

So! Descendants 3 was kinda shit and I dont like it but especially because of the ending because everybody was like "oh yeah island is open and we're all happy with no worries or implications about free villains or people being spiteful about being imprisoned for years!" In fact if anything they joked about those things.

The island is basically its own culture, I can't say how long it's been around, long enough for some almost adult kids to be about and to develop a kind of community.

The Isle is a place of poverty, people are dirty and on the street, eveyone steals from each other and most people don't put much effort into appearance upkeep (personal or of the sourounding area) not because of laziness or being "evil" but because they clearly don't have time or luxury to do such things or possibly even the clean water. Does the Isle have clean water?? How to they get electricity??? Someone tell me!

Another thing that I've noticed is easy to see but is not much explicitly said is the unique style of those on the Isle. As previously stated they don't have much but those who have the most "power" and such on the Isle are the best example of this As they have the most colourful outfits. However these outfits are often made out of patches and ripped things put together, even salvaged things like nets and chains as we can see on thing like Uma and Harry's outfits in D3 they make the best of what they've got and they do fantastic because their outfits are intricate and detailed and just tell you everything you need to know about them. Which is why it's a damn s h a m e when the original VK's ajust their style to be more like Auradon's. That's not an improvement! Be proud of where you came from!! It's like they forgot what it was like being on the Isle in D3!

Moving on, here's something that was touched on in D2 but not enough. Equality. On the Isle there is basically equal opportunity as in saying everything is shit and nome cares what gender and presumably what sexuality you are as long as you can work. Sexism is shown to be almost casual in aurodon from the looks of it, Chad makes sexist comments and litterally none else says anything or seems to see anything wrong with it except Jay who caves to pressure from peers and expectations. He does redeem himself because he's from the isle and he knows you shouldn't give a shit about anyone's gender or anything. If they can do something and ask to be included you give them that opportunity. The sexism is also implied in the way that the rule book has men written specifically in the first place and that it has taken until then for anyone but boys to be allowed on any kind of sports team. We never see it! It seems to be the hetronormative veiw where the boys do sport and girls do cheerleeding and other genders? What other genders? Never heard of that? BAD AURADON!! I bet there's so many trans folk on the island just living their lives, thinking Aurodon is the better place and not knowing that it's a cis het filled nightmare.

Okay no I'm headcannoning now, if their are now a bunch of Isle kids at auradon prep they find it fucking aweful the way all these preppy royals are treating them and make the first LGBT club in Auradon. There is lots of pushback and they get bullied a fuck ton for making themselves the most prominent queer folk in the school until a fight breaks out and the club demand that they should be treated better, taking all the evidence to fairy godmother who is very hesitant because COME ON she's never been that great she is biased to Auradon kids and if putting away those in the Isle is brought up she is all on it, she is jelly spined about doing anything against the royal kids. So the kids are like "Fine, if you won't help us we'll take this to the King himself!" Well mainly the queer mom's of the group (you know the ones I'm talking about) who lead the others and protect the anxious queers as they storm to Ben at his fucking locker and demand an audience because they are being harassed and bullied and none is doing anything. Ben had no idea there was even a LGBT club (too busy ig) and is gassed there is one for a moment before he's like "wait people are harassing you?" So Bisexual King Ben gets his lovely Bi wife and they start coming to club meetings and investing in the pins and stuff the club makes. Most club members are pleased but the queer mom's are apprehensive that this will help until some assholes come to the club to do their usual bullying only to find King and Queen Beast themselves siting there with rainbow bracelets and bi pins and all trying to have a nice old time eating their fucking cupcakes what the fuck are yall doing? The bullying dies down quick once they realise it ain't gonna fly, the other OG VK's that hear about this become members and very protective over their queer children. Did I mention Dizzy and Ceila are a part of the club? They're girlfriend's. Celia is one of the queer moms. Harry becomes one of the biggest protectors over the group as the pan dad. He's been going around snogging everyone and anyone wholl snog him everyone already knew he was queer they just didn't have the balls to try and bully him over it as much as they bullied the lil club members. But now Harry can often be seen in jackets and shit with pan and general queer patches and pins and running around with his gay children yelling "MOVE WE'RE GAY!!" He totally calls them his queer crew. Anyway as a result lots of queer royals start coming out of the woodwork, obvs Lonnie is one of them, and the club eventually serves to bring members of Auradon and the Isle close together.

Where was I? Yada yada auradon expects girls to be pretty princesses and boys to be brave knights or dashing princes. It's shit and should stop being portrayed as good. Moving on!

Food! One of the things we'll established in all movies is that the food of the Isle is shit compared to food of Auradon. The Isle has no fresh fruit which likely means its almost impossible for things to grow there which is fair because again there doesn't seem to be much fresh water and there are always clouds overhead so no sun. Maybe there is some people trying really hard to grow stuff but the general attitude of the Isle seems to be "there is no time for that" and fruits are forgotten so much that the VK's litterally don't knownwhat they are when they come across them. That and anything containing sugar. Actually it's mention by Dizzy and Celia that they enjoy the fact that the cake dosent have dirt or flies so basically food there is terrible. We don't see much food on the Isle but what we do see seems to be beans, eggs, chips and shellfish. Basically protine and carbs that can be easily stored and produced. To be fair beans are kidna good for you but they're likely a sign that if they get any imports from the mainland it is canned stuff. Prison food. There's probably some chef villain that is trying their best to make good food out of the shit but honestly the Isle dwellers should be angry that they've been deprived of good food for so long not happy they're finally been given decency.

Moving on, music! Auradon dosent have nearly as many musical numbers it seems, the Isle songs have a distinct style, to them, the villains that basically "founded" the place were masters of the dramatic songs (with backup or solo) so banging music is basically ingrained in the music's culture, even for battle as we see with the fight between Mal and Uma in D3. Meanwhile Auradon seems to have mainly romance and "I want" songs. Even Audrey's villain song is basically an I want song.

Okay let's talk about the Villains. We've established that the VK's are not inherently bad. However not all of them can be totally good and there are legit OG Villains just kinda chillin on the Isle. They've obviously lost quite a bit of their power, motivation and sanity (isolation will do that to ya as they lost everything and the VKs know no different) but deadass? They were bad guys. You can try to rehabilitate them sure but you've basically just let them free roam, they could make a runner and you wouldn't get the chance. They were also shitty patents which is brushed over/joked about in the interaction between Carlos and...man I feel bad I forgot her name deadass their relationship seemed to come out of nowhere in the second film she didn't seem interested in them at all and friendzoned them multiple times I'm pretty sure Disney did that becaue queer kids were relating to Carlos and headcanoning them as queer (which they deffinatly are) but deadass their mom is an attempted animal murderer and has hurt her child as we can see from how they're afraid of her and her rhetoric and yet it's "haha I'm afraid to meet your ma!" "Me too cus im a dog! Lol!" Fuuuuck offfffff

I think I'm running out of thoughts so here's a last one for now; with the magical barrier down a bunch of magical Villains kids should be coming out for the woodwork. We know Mal has magic basically stored in her so it's is possible, she technically doesn't need the spellbook to do magic it is just inherent to her. So with the diverse range of people from the isle there are deffinatly magic folk in there. Actually if we're following Disney movie law I saw something mentioning Jay being half Genie and yeah! He should be half Genie! Jafar got turned into a Genie he's probably only human because of the barrier! Oh also Ben should be able to go beast on command as long as he had a better beast form than he did in the movies. And give him back the beard and fangs like fuck you he looked so much better

Okay I'm done for now

[butterflyinthewell]

To trans folks who are trying to set trolls straight about Chris-Chan’s gender: Your hearts are in the right place, but the trolls do not care. They will keep misgendering Chris to piss you off and screenshot your reaction.

Yes, I’m talking about THE Chris-Chan. CWC, creator of Sonichu.

(TW: this post will mention rape and incest.)

I know, I know… “But if we let people misgender Chris, what’s stopping them from doing it to other trans people?”

Nothing.

There’s nothing you can do, unfortunately. The thing with trolls is they aren’t here to learn, they’re here to frustrate, annoy and anger you. They throw out all kinds of little hooks by saying offensive things, or things that trick you, and it’s all a game to them when somebody bites the bait.

It wouldn’t surprise me if trolls are saying horrible things about autism, too. That’s more my lane and partly why I don’t dig too deep in the tags about this situation. Again, I stress not engaging with that to correct trolls. They don’t care, they want to offend you.

As frustrating as it is, take note of the people who use Chris’ current pronouns and recognize that there are people who make an effort to get them right. I’m sure the trans people reading what you say will see that and know you care to gender them correctly.

It’s possible Chris transitioned believing she can get with lesbians. It’s entirely possible she’s exactly the stereotype that TERFs rant about and her shitty behavior might be used in the future to argue their views. TERFs will be TERFs. Some of Chris’ trolls may be trans themselves.

As it stands, Chris presents as a woman, so I’ll use she/her pronouns unless she decides to present as non-binary or a man again. You’re welcome to do the same when talking about her. Don’t waste your time trying to correct trolls, just use Chris’ current pronouns and leave it at that.

It sucks, but that’s how trolls troll.

Moving on…

I wonder if Chris would’ve been a weird, harmless nobody if Mimms never took her photo in The Game Place.

This all started because her photo was taken without her knowledge or consent and posted on a forum, which ended up spreading to the wider web and…yeah.

Would she have been an internet sensation? Would she have transitioned? Would she be a known name on the web?

Maybe everything would’ve gone down the same, but without an audience to bear witness.

Regardless, Chris is a trainwreck of a person. I don’t say that lightly. She didn’t deserve the trolling and abuse she got, yet she isn’t innocent in this either.

I felt sorry for her at first because I’m autistic too and was bullied severely in high school, some of it included physical assault and attempted murder. I reacted to the constant name calling and mockery irl a lot like Chris reacted to her online trolls. I’m thankful that my most volatile years happened before I had internet access. I’m two years older than Chris. I had my own drama with trolls that lasted a few years, but I grew up a bit more.

But I digress…

Chris didn’t get the internet safety talk that I got before getting let loose online, and people took advantage of her gullibility, her autism, whatever mental illnesses she might have and her obsession with getting laid. She ignored warnings to the contrary and in some instances her mom enabled her while her dad tried (and failed) to reign her in.

At the same time, Chris has a history of being racist, ableist, homophobic and misogynistic. She ignores people’s boundaries even when they were clearly stated. She’s entitled and thinks everything bad is a conspiracy against her. She acts like the world operates on cartoon rules and can’t handle it when situations don’t turn out in her favor like she believes they should. It’s a strange view of “Anything I do is good because I did it, and anybody who tells me it’s bad or treats me badly is evil or a troll.”

How she comes across to others and how she thinks she comes across are incongruent with each other, and she refuses to take any correction. An example is the claw hand she used to do while railing at trolls. It’s clear she’s imitating stuff she saw in cartoons, but doesn’t grasp that it looks silly in real life. It leaves me wondering if she ever watched her videos back to see how she really looks before uploading them.

Chris did a lot of disgusting things of her own volition, like not leaving people alone, uploading that sexual drawing featuring Megan, using pepper spray without provocation and trying to hit someone with her car.

Trolls tricked her into humiliating herself and shared the results, like hacking into her email, sharing chats where she gave out embarrassing details about herself, prank calling her house and posting the infamous blowup doll video.

If you know “Christory”, you know what I’m talking about.

If you don’t know, it’s something that’s gone on longer than some people have been alive.

No side is innocent here. I don’t blame Chris for attracting trolls, they chose to go and harass her because she jumped when they poked her.

I’ve followed Chris’ story off and on since 2008, back when she was making her Sonichu comics and being awkward. I never participated in trolling her. I’ve only ever seen the aftermath of troll operations, but the things she endured were cruel. (The Miyamoto saga and the BlueSpike saga come to mind.) I looked her up to see if she was alive and okay. I sent her my AFBV message a couple years ago, but never got a response.

I wonder if this could’ve been avoided if Chris never got trolled and was supervised better while online. That’s where her parents failed her. I felt bad for her; she didn’t know how to conduct herself and kept falling for trolling schemes because she was so desperate to get a girlfriend. It’s like she ignored that little gut warning that says “hey, this feels like a trick” and it was like watching someone fall down the same hillside over and over.

But after what she did to her mom, I lost any sympathy I had for her. Yes, trolls have traumatized her and messed with her head for over a decade and that’s gross, but what she did to her mom was unconscionable. It’s indefensible. It’s morally abhorrent.

She had sex with (or possibly raped via coercion) her elderly mom, who may have dementia.

Chris’ autism was taken advantage of for years, and now she might’ve taken advantage of her mom’s dementia to harm her for the past month.

Think about that. There is no defending that. She finally did something she can’t just wave away or pay her way out of.

Trolls didn’t put Chris up to that, she did it all by herself.

Now she’s under arrest.

Time and again Chris has had run-ins with the law and got away with slaps on the wrist, but I don’t think she’s going to walk away from this so easily.

I hope this situation finally gets Chris the help she desperately needs. I don’t know if her dimensional merge stuff is a delusion from undiagnosed and untreated mental illness or if it’s a paracosm she’s chosen to live in and act out because she can’t handle how cruel the real world is. Please note that I don’t say mental illness lightly either, because I’m aware of the stigma.

At this point I think she needs a caregiver who will supervise her online activities and help her manage her finances. (She will likely resist this…)

Chris’ autism and whatever else she has going on appears to make it very difficult for her to see things from any perspective besides her own. I’m autistic too, so I understand this— sometimes I get this way and have to walk myself back to see other perspectives, or I ask people to give me their side of it to help me understand how they see it even if I don’t agree with their view.

Chris needed more guidance and reality checks growing up, but didn’t get them, and now she needs both more than ever as she faces the results of her behavior. If she is delusional, she needs help to navigate it and I hope she can do that away from trolls. She needs to face consequences for (possibly) raping someone.

I wonder what the legal system will do with her, and I hate that her life has come to this. It was so avoidable. 😞

Sorry, Chris…I hope you’ll get help now, and I hope Barb is okay.

[whimsucalcookie]

long post, beware rant slash info slash gender. everything’s under the readmore

bringing this back bc i’m petty and bored and op is a coward for talking shit about me behind my back over a post about a cookie run ad(of all things.....) and also i realised i’m nonbinary woohoo!!!💛🤍💜🖤 (op isn’t btw😶) he probably won’t see this bc he blocked me but starting off with a funny:

and now for some cool stuff!

pronouns =/= gender

nonbinary =/= using gender neutral pronouns

unspecified pronouns=/=nonbinary

third one is specifically aimed for fandom, anyways it’s lecture time with professor whim.

there are masculine enbies(i’m one😍). there are feminine enbies. there are enbies that are both or all or even none. some use he/him, some use she/they, some use neopronouns. the meaning of nonbinary is in the name - not fitting with what is the gender binary of male and female be it partially or completely. nb people may identify with binary aspects of gender but this does not invalidate their identity as nonbinary. this should be an obvious fact but you don’t have to look or act a certain way to be valid as nb. gender expression does not have to match with gender identity.

here’s some resources i found that are much better at explaining this than me👇🏻

please stop bothering and badmouthing people over characters that you have headcanons about. it’s really shitty behaviour and you should be embarrassed. let people have their fun. i think it’s cringe and immature if you block people for disagreeing with your headcanons but ofc you’re free to do what you want as long as you don’t hurt people. everyone enjoys fandom differently. some people like shipping, some people like creating complex aus and ocs. some people just want other people to talk about their interests with. theories and hcs are awesome(i have them too ;3) and they contribute so much to interest but instead of fighting people over fanon disagreements FOCUS ON HELPING AND PROTECTING REAL LIFE LGBTQ+ FOLKS. it’s very strange that one would get offended on the behalf of a cookie that they headcanon as nonbinary, and constantly whine about fictional characters(whose genders aren’t even specified sometimes😭) getting “misgendered” yet contribute nothing to benefit actual nonbinary people. it feels so very.......what’s the word i’m thinking of........ performative?

the state of arkansas is trying to pass a bill that would criminalise gender-affirming healthcare. three states have passed bills that bans mtfs from participating in girl’s school sports, tennessee being the most recent. every day people are harassed, attacked, even murdered for being gay/trans/nonconforming. complain about things like that. complain about real-world things that causes actual harm instead of being like “this person doesn’t think a character is (insert gender/sexuality)! BIGOT!!!!!1!!1”

op you likely won’t see this but roguefort cookie will not come out of my phone and tell me off for referring to them/him/????? as a he. roguefort cookie is not real. gender is not real. you are a weirdo who’s nitpicking for things to be upset over. if you want proper nb representation then don’t expect it to come from a game about sentient cookies.

anyways that’s all i have to say,

TLDR: i’m a transmasc enby and i want people to actually understand what being nb is. also fandoms are fucking stupid. big kudos to you if you managed to read this whole thing, my head hurts and i’m gonna go take a very long nap✌🏻

[transallymama]

The Gender Spectrum: Making the Case to Cisgender People - Part 1: Learn

Introduction

I wish I could write just one paragraph on this topic, and call it done. Because it is a simple concept: accept other people for who they are without judgement, and let them live their lives in peace and according to their own values and goals. However, I am seeing a lot of misunderstanding on the gender spectrum and transgender equality, and it is going to require further discussion to help us all be more educated on the matter. Thus, I have written this essay, broken into parts for focus and ease of digestion. Allow me to explain all the nuances of transgender equality, as succinctly and compassionately (for all parties) as possible.

Essay Contents (the details are subject to change since I am currently still writing):

Part 1: Cisgender Emotional Response and the Quest for Knowledge

Part 2: Terms and Definitions

Part 3: The Gender Spectrum

Part 4: Identity, Broadly Speaking

Part 5: Judgmental Thinking, Broadly Speaking

Part 6: Personal Liberty and Gender Expression

Part 7: Dispelling Common Gender Myths

Part 8: Common Sense Rules of Etiquette

Part 1: Cisgender Emotional Response and the Quest for Knowledge

My name is Erin. I am a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, and a daughter. I chose those gender-specific words because they match my gender identity. I was born as female, and I identify as female. But this is not everyone’s story. Not everyone’s gender identity fits neatly into a little box labeled “female” or “male.” (I will get to the explanation of how this can all make sense for you, but stick with me.) If you’re like me, that is cisgender (meaning you identify as the gender which matches your biological sex), then I hope you’ll read what I have to say. You might need to hear from someone like yourself to really start to understand why transgender rights is so important in our times - and beyond just understanding it, to become an advocate for the greater LGBTQ community and help others who might be (either intentionally or inadvertently) continuing to harass, berate, and marginalize a group of people already experiencing deep-seated, systemic, and pervasive discrimination. Truly, they need our support!

If you are frustrated or uncomfortable with the topic of transgender equality and the gender spectrum, it is likely because you lack clarity on the issues and/or personal connection to the LGBTQ community. Your best response to these feelings is to 1) acknowledge them, 2) check that your emotional response is not harming others, and 3) learn more about the topic. 

First then, before we get into the details on the gender spectrum, I would like to address and acknowledge your feelings. Most importantly, I would like you to acknowledge your feelings on the topic. Phrases such as transgender, the gender spectrum, and gender non-binary might feel confusing or frustrating to you, alienating, foreign, scary, weird, off-putting, uncomfortable. You might feel defensive about making mistakes regarding one’s gender identity because it’s a hot topic, and you feel like you’re trying to be respectful, but you just don’t fully understand it. Your feelings are valid! You are entitled to be shocked and bewildered by novel concepts. We, as humans, fear the unknown; it’s in our DNA. New ideas are scary. Change is freaking hard. 

So let’s all feel validated in our emotional reaction. But we must recognize that those feelings are on us. They are our responsibility to work through, and we shouldn’t expect LGBTQ folks to fix it for us or make it less confusing. And we definitely must not discriminate against them or treat them differently from anyone else just because we don’t understand their circumstances. We cannot let our confused (and for some, even hate-filled) emotional response further disrupt the treacherous road for transgender people by spreading hate, misinformation, phobias, and bigotry. We are each responsible for doing the necessary work to better understand this marginalized group. 

Let me be clear - I’m not placing blame on any one individual. I’m not here to “out” you or shame you for your beliefs if you’ve had any negative or judgmental thoughts about transgender folks. But I absolutely do think it is every cisgender person’s responsibility to help right the wrong that our society has done to transgender people. And that’s the whole point of why I’m writing about this. I want to appeal to your sense that loving your neighbor makes the world a better place, even if your neighbor is completely different from you. Even if they are transgender. And even if you have never met a transgender person - you probably will at some point, and my goal is to help you accept them, advocate for them, before you even meet.

I implore all of us to respond to our own uninformed perspective with acknowledgment of our lack of information. We’re all so addicted to blasting our staunch opinions nonstop onto social media that we don’t stop and ask ourselves what we know about a topic before expressing our very formed opinion on the matter. We all need to be saying more often: “I don’t have an opinion on that because I don’t really know much about it.” How refreshing would it feel to hear people reserve judgement and admit lack of insight? Furthermore, one’s opinion means absolutely nothing if it is solely driven by emotion. Opinions ought to have a foundation of information and facts. 

Consider this scenario for a moment: You have a toothache. You tell your best friend, who looks in your mouth, and proclaims: “You have a cavity! I’m sure of it.” Do you believe them? If your friend is a dentist, maybe you can count on their expertise to provide an opinion of value. But if your friend isn’t a dentist, then he or she is - they are - merely speaking with an uninformed opinion. Ask yourself: “Do I listen to people who speak with uninformed opinions?” I certainly hope we would all trust a dentist to advise us on our tooth health over a non-dentist best friend. But at least, if we listened to the non-dentist, we wouldn’t be willfully enabling the discrimination of an entire group of people. Unfortunately, trusting our own uninformed opinion on transgender folks is, in fact, doing great harm to other people, and we need to start looking at our own words and actions in this way, especially if you have ever shared something online that could be considered anti-LGBTQ.

Knowledge is power because it is the antidote to fear and ignorance. If our goal is to feel less afraid, less uncomfortable, to change our negative emotion to a positive one, then our response should be to start learning. Learn! Find someone who you can talk to openly about gender issues. Ask questions. Listen. Be respectful. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone directly, then read about it. Read stories about trans people written by trans people. Watch documentaries about LGBTQ teens, told from their perspective and in their words. Learn about families with two dads. Make sure you’re reading the accounts as told by the people themselves and not a cisgender perspective because it might be skewed or have a motive beyond simply sharing a story. Have an open mind to the notion that your current stance on this matter might not be best for humanity. That’s okay because we all have the capacity to evolve and change our minds!

At this point, you might be wondering why a cisgender woman is writing on this topic. Please consider me a bridge - a bridge from a place where transgender seems alien to the point of confusion and even fear, to the other side where you are starting to understand the gender spectrum and ready to start reading and learning from LGBTQ people themselves. I’m just gearing you up for the real deal. One step at a time. Here we go! 

(Stay tuned for Part 2!)

[lovenotesuggestions]

I’m a cis female, and struggling with my appearance, and safety. I’m quite busty, especially compared to my height, (34 K cup, 5’0) which makes me look very off proportion/balance. I often get people saying that I should “get my breast implants reduced because they don’t look good.” Sometimes riding the bus people will come up to me, and say stuff like “if you wore makeup you’d probably pass a lot better!”. I know this is in good faith, but it really irks me. 1/3

The thing that bugs me the most is people tell me that I don’t “pass” which I know is a term transgender people tend to use. It’s like because I look masculine, or more “like a dude,” people assume I’m trans. I can’t even imagine how would feel for people who are actually trans. Because of this, I’ve gotten slurs against me. Calling me the fa* word and saying I’m a disgrace. I don’t know what to do. I love being feminine, but I’m scared that because people are assuming I’m trans 2/3

I might get really hurt because of it. How do I pass more when I am cis?? How do I be myself without having to worry about my safety? How do LGBTQ+ people deal with this?? I’m scared. I know I don’t have a right to be, I don’t deal with nearly as much crap LGBTQ+ go through. I’m often told by friends in the community that I can’t complain because I’m cis, which I understand. Cis people are what’s causing this. But idk what to do anymore. Please give me any advice if you can 3/3

(I’m the cis girl who gets mistaken for trans) I also wanted to know if you think I’m in the wrong for being worried or asking about it? I apologize if anything I said was offensive, I’m trying to learn more about the communities and stuff. I’m just scared with nowhere else to go. Also how can I help protect trans people who end up in bad situations with bad people, without putting both of us in danger?

You absolutely aren’t in the wrong for being worried about this, and you do have a right to be upset and afraid by this treatment. Just because the transphobia is misdirected doesn’t make it any less harmful to you. Coming from a trans person - you DO have a right to complain about this, even though you’re cis. It’s good that you’re aware of your place of privilege as a cis person, and want to listen to trans voices on this topic, but cis privilege isn’t an impenetrable shield against transphobia.

Transphobes don’t care who their victims are - anyone who doesn’t fit their idea of how men and women “should” be is at risk of being victimised in the name of their crusade against trans women. There have been a lot of cases, especially recently with the TERF uproar of late, of cis women being victims of misdirected transphobia, especially transmisogyny, i.e. gender non-conforming or masculine cis women being harassed for using public bathrooms because people think they’re trans, or “not really women.” Which particularly sucks because the people who get attacked are usually the people who don’t conform to traditional eurocentric feminine beauty standards  - so women of colour, butch lesbians and other WLW, fat women, etc. so the intersection of the different forms of oppression just makes things even harder for them. 

Also, even if the transphobia part of it didn’t apply, you’re still a victim of misogyny and body shaming here, so you are allowed to be upset by that. Oppression isn’t a competition, and just because what you’re going through might not be as bad as some people have it, that doesn’t take away your right to be hurt. People making unsolicited comments about your appearance and your body is never in good faith - it’s invasive and unhelpful at best, not to mention just rude. 

I don’t think anything you’ve said here is offensive or wrong, and you don’t have to be sorry for being put in this position by ignorant people through no fault of your own. Nobody should have to worry about “passing” and people should be able to present and look however they want without fear of other people’s reactions. 

I’m afraid there’s not much I can say in terms of getting people to stop doing this, other than the same types of defence mechanisms women and women-assumed folks take on to try and keep themselves safe as much as they can. So things like carrying pepper spray (if it’s legal where you live) or a panic alarm, wearing headphones whilst on public transport or whilst walking to deter people from talking to you, staying in busy or well-lit areas when you’re able to, if you worry you’re being followed asking the person following you a question, like directions to somewhere or what the time is, so you’ve seen their face - this makes them less likely to attack because you’d be able to identify them later, etc. If someone is shouting comments at you, don’t engage them. It sucks that people have to do this kind of thing to keep themselves safe, and you shouldn’t have to do any of these things, but they’re things that I’ve heard people mention. Also, if you feel the prominence of your chest is causing you issues, you could try wearing a high impact sports bra or even getting a binder to minimise it a bit. Loose clothing and wearing layers can also help to make chests less noticeable. Again, you shouldn’t have to do anything like this, but if you think it would make you feel safer, they’re options that are on the table. I’m afraid I don’t have much more that I can recommend here - I’m fortunate enough to live in a relatively socially liberal area, and I don’t often get “clocked” as a trans person - being an androgynous/masculine presenting pre-T AFAB nonbinary person, I think people tend to just assume I’m a tomboy or a butch lesbian. So I don’t have a whole lot of experience with this sort of thing.

As for protecting trans people - the best thing to do if you see someone being harassed is not to engage the person doing the harassment. It’s to check in with the victim, make sure they’re okay, and offer them any assistance, like going with them to somewhere safe so they aren’t by themselves. And in your general life, making sure trans people know you’re a safe person to be around, like using they pronouns for people whose pronouns you don’t know, offering your pronouns when you introduce yourself to new people or asking theirs (if it’s a safe place to do so) etc. 

I hope that’s helpful, and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

Followers: does anyone else have any advice for this anon?

[trashmenofmarvel]

I think Ward's isolation in S1 is primarily because of Harold's strong abusive hold on him. He's reluctant to do anything at all with his DAD seemingly keeping an eye on him 24/7. But with that gone, he seems like a directionless teenager with no support. And his "flirting" with everyone is just him doing stuff he couldn't do with Harold around to shame him for it. The Bethany thing was like a classic "Jessica Jones" coping mechanism phase. And this is coming from someone who HC'ed Ward as ace.

I don’t think you’re understanding me, anon, so I’m going to explain it and I really hope you listen. Because I’m kind of tired of people, who are most likely new to the Iron Fist fandom, coming to me and belittling my feelings. This isn’t just some headcanon I was attached to. This is my identity. One that is erased over and over again with characters across many fandoms.

Ward did plenty of things to act out against Harold in season 1, none of them involving any type of sexualized behavior. So I disagree with you. And I have a right to that. To me, Ward clearly read as asexual in season 1, which was probably just an accident on the part of the writers but it’s still some semblance of representation even if it wasn’t on purpose. And I will take it, because asexual representation either doesn’t exist or it’s erased to make sure we all know the character is straight as an arrow.

It happened with Castiel in Supernatural.

It happened with King Richard in Galavant.

It happened with Shiro in Voltron (though he could still technically be ace, the fandom is so toxic that you would be risking some serious harassment if you say so out loud).

And now it’s happened with Ward.

So I would really appreciate if you guys would stop sending me anons and comments telling me how I’m incorrect about how Ward’s asexuality was completely erased in season 2. These are my feelings and I am perfectly entitled to them, just as you’re entitled to disagree with me.

What you are all not entitled to do is send me anon messages telling me how my feelings are incorrect. You don’t know me and you clearly haven’t understood why I feel this way. At least, I hope this is a misunderstanding. Maybe it’s because there’s a huge influx of people into the fandom now, so I’m posting this as a PSA. I’m not trying to be rude, anon, but you’re not the first person to try and debate me on this, and I need you all to understand this is not just some fun meta discussion to me.

Time and time again I’ve watched as clearly coded asexual characters are erased, because God forbid a character not be interested in fucking. It’s the same reason why writers and showrunners will make sure characters are interpreted as straight by hamfisting a heterosexual relationship into a show if fans start to believe a character is queer. It’s inexcusable at this point. Writers and showrunners need to do better.

It may be TwentyGayTeen, but aces and aros (as well as trans folks) are still being left out of our stories.

This is extremely personal to me. So please stop trying to debate me on this, especially on anon, because it goes deeper than just how I feel about a character. This is about representation and how asexuals are shit on and erased over and over again.

[danilanidingdong]

My partner was targeted by a predator - a small NYC director.

Please be aware that the following writing discusses kink, LGBTQ+ issues, assault, misgendering, and other topics that are generally not feel good issues. It is in regards to how my partner was treated. She’s read this and given their stamp of approval on posting this. Not because we want folks to feel bad, but because we legitimately want to warn people about a predator.

I’d like to start this off with some personal information. Typically in a situation like this, individual details aren’t necessary, but in this case, I believe it’s important to form a foundation.

My partner and I live quite happily and openly under the queer umbrella. We also function very vocally in kink circles. We don’t believe in kink shaming. We have no qualms with strange kinks. As long as everyone involved consents, we have zero issues.

It’s the consent thing that was recently violated when my partner was assaulted by a so-called director for a short film.

My partner was using a casting website with a very professional reputation (Netflix and Stars have used this site), and she was contacted by a small production company in response to seeing her resume.

The short of it was that this director was looking for LGBTQ+ folks for his social commentary werewolf short films. My partner was so excited, showing me everything that this director sent her. What I was shown was short, but seemed fine. It appeared to be a small budget production company, and the script was nothing to write home about, but honestly it didn’t seem like a bad start. And it paid! The casting website even gave him a neat little verified check to assure performers that they’d been vetted by the site.

The more she talked to the director, the more excited she got. Finally! Someone that wanted to make awesome werewolf content that focused on queer communities! She was excited to show the director what she already had from her costume closet for werewolf makeup and fangs, and he seemed excited to work with her. He suggested possibly using contact lenses, along with some minimal makeup and light use of prosthetics.

When she arrived at the shoot, though. She was met with only the director. No team. In his parent’s empty apartment. Instead of the fake nails that he had explained to her in the interview, he informed her that they would be going to a salon and getting acrylic nails put on. This isn’t necessarily a problem, but anyone who’s had acrylic nails applied knows how difficult (read: impossible) they are to get off quickly. Fake stick-on nails (which he said would be used) are cheaper, and in an emergency, can pop off rather quickly. Acrylic nails are typically an investment of both time and money. Seriously, if you’ve never had them, ask someone who has. Those suckers don’t budge.

But the director didn’t make a big deal out of it. My partner wasn’t very experienced in the film industry, so she took his word for granted.

My partner then spent two hours at a nail salon near the apartment, and while everyone around her was getting French tips, she couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed by the six inch claws that the nail technician was crafting. When some of the other salon customers asked, she proudly informed them “It’s for a werewolf movie!” - in an attempt to save herself from some embarrassment. But the director cut her off, and said “No, don’t tell them that.”

Once the nails were on, she realized that she couldn’t use her hands for anything. Her dexterity was destroyed with these huge, thick claws, and she relied entirely on the director for any fine motor skills.

Still, nothing seemed off. She would film this short scene and be done. When they returned to the apartment, he told her to put contacts in. She expressed discomfort. It was already very difficult for her to function with the nails, would it be possible to try filming without the contacts? 

No. She had to wear contacts.

They had this conversation in his bathroom, where he blocked her with his body from leaving the bathroom until she agreed to wear the contacts.

Because of her nails, the director had to put the lenses in for her, and once they were in, she noticed something else that was a little off.

She could not see with the contacts in.

She now relied entirely on this director for even basic functions, but even then he did not provide her with what she needed. She was not given water at any time during the entire 8 hour filming.

He started asking extremely uncomfortable questions as soon as she was physically unable to leave.

He noted that her resume indicated “nonbinary” as her gender, so he asked plainly, “So that means you have both right? Both sets?”

She was taken aback, and he was rather crestfallen when she explained what nonbinary meant, and she steered the incredibly inappropriate conversation away from her genitalia.

Which he kept bringing up. Repeatedly.

He talked frequently about the character that she was playing, and made her very aware that after her werewolf transformation, her character had “both sets of genitals”. Information that would be important for an actor, sure, but the way he brought it up and discussed it was entirely sexual.

He told her “Let’s just do some improv, no script.”

When he started asking her to touch him with her nails, she realized that she was filming a fetish video.

That was when she shifted into survival mode. He continued trying to make sexual conversation while they filmed, but she would shut down his advances in any attempt to get out of the vision blocking contacts quicker. She felt trapped, unable to leave due to her inability to see or hold anything.

The director mentioned, while filming, that the concept of my partner growing a penis during her werewolf transformation was “getting him hard”, and he kept insinuating that her actions were causing him sexual arousal. She mentioned having a partner as a defense strategy, and he asked if she (in other words: me) would be interested in bringing that partner around in order to shoot a lesbian scene.

In addition to this, he openly spoke of his work with other performers, and it became clear that he was using this casting site to find LGBTQ+ performers in order to find very specific people for his fetish work. It was only then that it became clear that he was looking for trans folks for his performances, in order to act out his fetish. He kept the information quiet during the talent scouting phase, but specifically sought out individuals under the LGBTQ+ umbrella for sexual reasons only, not actual inclusivity. It was only driven home by the near constant misgendering of his previous performers that he frequently spoke about. He told my partner he was trying to create inclusive media. He spoke at length regarding his obsession and sexual fetish for women with penises. The wording he used was dated at best, and offensive at worst.

There was so much, little pieces that my partner remembers from that day as she recovers, things like how he mentioned stopping people on the street to take pictures of their nails, how he worked with a lot of adult entertainers (and misgendered them frequently), and worryingly, minors. Things that on their own wouldn’t raise eyebrows, but when put together becomes a rather disturbing depiction of a predator.

Had she not been on her toes and aware of the situation, my partner doesn’t doubt that this director would have tried to push her boundaries further. He asked her to sensually touch her chest with her nails, and focused on the importance of the ASMR - or the sound the nails made. She skirted the sexuality as best as she could, keeping things professional until she could leave - not that he had earned professionalism after lying to her, but she was simply trying to get him to remove the nails and contacts as quickly as possible.

Afterwards, he requested an exit interview. Desperate to leave, she wondered if she could film it at home and send it to him. He refused, and added that he would only clip the end of her nails so she could leave if she did this exit interview. When he deemed the interview over, he forced her to behave in a bizarre perky way before he would clip each nail, even when he was told that the force of the nail clipping was painful. What was left behind were jagged, thick acrylic stubs that were still difficult to use, but not as difficult as the full nails.

Now, let it be said, neither of us have any issues with fetish videos. So long as everyone involved consents. However, my partner was utterly unable to consent. She was lied to about the project itself, and everything involved with it. This wasn’t a production team, it was a solitary director with a camera who wanted to film sexual gratification videos. 

And the pay?

Well, the nail technician who applied the nails got a total of $145, including tip.

My partner received $100, and as she left he put in an additional $20 for her to “get the nails removed at a salon”. 

Not only was my partner lied to, but she was then physically kept under this director’s control with the nails and contacts that he made her wear. She was unable to leave, and continuously harassed and asked wildly inappropriate questions by someone who was claiming to be an ally, when in reality, he was a predator. He seeks out LGBTQ+ performers in order to film them for his own sexual exploits under the guise of creating inclusive characters and stories.

The lies are where consent is no longer possible. Because of this, my partner filed a complaint and he was removed from the casting website. That being said, we’re still concerned that he won’t stop at that, and will only move to other spaces. He already admitted to using OnlyFans to find performers, and his open conversation about hiring minors has left it hard to sleep at night. Again, absolutely nothing is wrong with minors in film, but judging by the way that this man refused to be open about the nature of his work, it’s a parallel that I’m uncomfortable just leaving without an attempt to stop it.

Part of the healing process has been going public with this experience. I’m never one to speak on behalf of someone, but writing clearly about your own trauma can be harrowing, which is why I offered to write this on behalf of my partner. 

If this production company continues to hire performers, they need to be transparent with their intentions. Not another human being should feel so manipulated and helpless after being assured that they would be doing something positive for the queer community.

Please share this. Please spread this. Please do not let another individual suffer the way that my partner unfortunately has. The production company is called Exiram Productions. They’re easy enough to find on youtube, but I cannot stress enough that what is available there is not at all any indication of what was actually filmed the day my partner experienced this harassment. His secondary company that he works under is called Were-Creature Videos. That particular production company is what my partner filmed for, but she was originally approached by Exiram Productions, and was given absolutely no indication about the sexual nature of filming.

If you’re in the NYC area, please be careful of this person who is seeking out the queer community in order to fetishize them without their consent.

Happy Pride.

Eat a brick, Alexis. 

[girlsagainst-archive]

THE SPOOK SCHOOL X GIRLS AGAINST

The Spook School are a Glasgow-based four-piece who make candid and earnest music. Their upcoming album, Could It Be Different, is out on 26.01.18.

What inspired the song 'Still Alive'?

Nye: I wrote the song kind of in response to a guy that sexually assaulted me years ago. It’s one of those situations where at the time, despite being very upset by the experience, I told myself that it couldn’t have been rape or any kind of sexual assault because ‘he was a nice guy’. For a long time I blamed myself for not protesting enough, or for somehow misleading him into thinking there was consent. It’s only in recent years that I’ve realised that it was him that I should have been blaming, not myself. So this song is an overdue ‘fuck you’ to that guy, and also an acknowledgement that – however much that experience might have messed me up – I’m still here and that’s something.

It feels quite different to the past stuff on Try To Be Hopeful et al – where do you think that comes from?

Nye: I think Try to Be Hopeful made sense as an album that you would write after quite recently figuring/affirming your identity – there’s a joy in that, and a desire to just kind of yell out ‘yeah, this is who we are’. I think also, especially as a trans person, because that can cause you so much unexplainable sadness/distress before you figure it out, you can fall into thinking that it’s the only part of your life that matters, and that being read as your gender/getting to physically transition and stuff like that will magically cure every problem you’ve ever had. It definitely helps, but usually all the other life stuff is waiting for you to pay attention to it again. And in many ways that’s kind of what this album is about, it’s about living as a queer person – about regrets and relationships and family and body image and just everything.

How would you describe the upcoming album?

Adam: It’s a lot more introspective that our previous work. More nuanced I think, and more personally honest. There’s a lot of looking backwards and looking forwards, wondering about the past and worrying about the future. At it’s heart though I see it as a celebration of the community we’ve found (in many ways through playing music) and the personal relationships we value in our lives.

Who in music inspires you right now?

Adam: Perfume Genius is making some really wonderful stuff right now. I’m also on a really big Jimmy Somerville kick at the moment. I think he’s one of the most underrated, radically political pop stars ever. Shopping, Sacred Paws, and basically everything Rachel Aggs touches is incredible.

Have you ever seen or been made aware of sexual harassment or assault at any of your shows?

Nye: I’ve never seen or been made aware of sexual harassment at any of our shows. I’d like to think that that was because the people that come to our shows are all wonderful people without exception, but in reality it’s more likely that it’s happened at least once and we’ve just not seen/heard about it.  

Is it something you've experienced as performers?

Nye: I’ve experienced sexual assault, though not in the context of playing shows. At least part of that is probably due to the fact that we’re an overtly queer band. Some of it will also be down to sexism – as a masculine presenting person playing music I’m less likely to get comments yelled at me than women or more femme non-binary folks.

What would be your response if you saw it happening?

Nye: If one of us saw something when we were onstage I would like to think that we’d stop playing and try to get the assaulter/harasser kicked out of the show. Equally, if someone came to us earlier in the night, we’d listen to them and see what they’d like done to make them comfortable and then work with the promoter/venue to make that happen.  

What would you like to say to the people who have that experience at a show?

Adam: This is not your fault, and there will be plenty of people who are willing to support you, including us. We’ll try our best to make sure our shows are as safe for everyone as possible. If there’s anything we can do to help please let us know (if you feel you can). We can be contacted online (email, Facebook, Twitter) or in person at shows. Reaching out to others for support can often be really helpful. This could be people close to you or organisations such as The Survivors Trust.

Girls Against are also here to listen to you and provide support, though please note that we are not trained counsellors.

What would your message be to the perpetrators of that behaviour?

Nye: If you can’t go to shows without harassing people, then don’t go to shows. Seek advice to change your behaviours and don’t put other people at risk of your unwanted advances/aggression. Doubly so if you are a performer/artist – you shouldn’t be putting yourself in a position where you have social capital that you could abuse.

Why do you think sexual harassment is such a big issue in rock/alternative music scenes?

Nye: A whole raft of things really. There’s still quite a lot of people with pretty misogynistic views of music scenes as a place where women/femme people don’t belong – despite all obvious evidence to the contrary (seriously, if you’re only listening to music written/performed by men how are you not bored by now?).

Also the association between gigs and alcohol probably isn’t something that helps, given how many people use being drunk/high as an excuse for acting in ways they wouldn’t allow themselves to sober. Especially for performers, there’s this kind of archetype of the rockstar that’s always drunk and that being a ‘rock ‘n roll’ thing. I remember going to gigs as a teenager and seeing the lead singers of bands that I loved at that time drinking full bottles of whisky on stage. I remember thinking that was just part of being a rockstar, rather than something that’s going to have an impact on both you and the people around you.

Then also there’s the whole ‘groupie’ stereotype – the idea that femme people in music scenes can’t possibly be creative or performers or even people that appreciate music, but are instead a kind of object to be claimed by male band members or fans. It seems like an outdated idea but the number of women in bands that still get asked ‘oh are you drummer/guitarist/whatever male band member’s girlfriend’ by people doing sound/other bands/promoters suggests that it’s very much still a stereotype that exists.  

What do you think your responsibility is, as a band in combatting this issue?

Nye: It’s a hard thing to tell someone that you don’t know about sexual assault, so it’s up to us/other bands/promoters/people in general to make it as clear as possible that any kind of harassment or assault won’t be tolerated and that we’ll do everything we can to make sure that people coming to our shows are safe from that. Things like signposted ‘no tolerance’ policies at gigs, statements on stage, and kicking people out when necessary. We should be making sure that we don’t play on bills that are just bro-ey bands, or for promoters/venues that create a hostile environment to any people that might want to come along to one of our shows. Sometimes it can be hard to know that information, especially when you’re travelling to places that you’ve never been before – so we’ve also got to be prepared to listen when someone comes forward to tell us something, and try to act helpfully based on that information.

What do you think crowds should be doing?

Adam: Looking out for each other. Everyone’s come to the show to have a good time, so try to be aware of the people around you as much as you can. Dancing and jumping around is really fun, but it’s not an excuse to touch others without their consent. You wouldn’t do so in the street (I hope), so why would it be acceptable at a show? I’d hope people who come to our shows (or any show for that matter) would try to offer support if they witnessed harassment of any kind, or anyone looking uncomfortable or distressed.  

[lightningfilledsaber]

Do not rəbl°g this p°st

Tw for mention/talk/description of gaslighting, ableism, racism, transphobia, gore/death, r*pe, sexual abuse, pedophilia, and inc*st.

Please blacklist/filter the tags #blacklistnow or #blacklist now if you don't want to read this

I'm adding this after I've already written this vent because I'm done being quiet about who has incestually abused me and some of the details of what happened to me. I will not be editing this to sound nicer or more coherent because I am not a nice or coherent victim. What happened to me was horrific and I won't water down my raw reaction to remembering what I went through.

Do not speculate/debate/invalidate my trauma and absolutely do not rəbl°g this post. It is incredibly fucking hard to be posting this. I am posting this however because my general silence on most of the things that have gone on has been my weakness and my former abuser has used that as power over me because my lack of detail is easy for him to manipulate to make him look like the victim. This is not detailing nearly everything that has happened to me, and I will not relive more of my trauma than I'm comfortable with, so keep that in mind as well.

I'm not airing urls/other accounts of my former abuser and (current?) stalker because I don't care if nobody knows who he (I am using he/him pronouns to refer to my former abuser because those are the only pronouns I have ever seen/been told that my former abuser uses. I have not been given any other examples besides he/him of the pronouns my former abuser has used or is using) is. He openly "jokes" about rape and pedophilia, says the n word both with and without the 'hard r' despite being nonblack, says r*tard despite not being on the autism spectrum, deadnames and misgenders trans folks, and owns a server with channels dedicated to talking about/posting both drawn child porn and graphic real life photos of gore, mutilation, and death of children and animals.

It goes without saying that the people in this server either actively participate in this or just dont give a shit. The people he associates with know his character. If you don't excuse the shit mentioned above then you don't have to worry about interacting with him, and frankly I'm tired and wary of putting myself at risk again for exposing him.

Do not rəbl°g this p°st

Fuck folks, what really pisses me off about everything I've gone through with being stalked, deadnamed, and just generally harassed by my stupid ex abuser and his stupid (now ex) boyfriend is that literally the whole reason I had put my neck out like that was bc I had seen a post abt how someone had warned the partner of their toxic ex and had helped them. I just fuckin. I saw that and I felt confident enough to be vulnerable to a fucking stranger because I thought I could help him like that person helped their ex's partner but it just turned around and kicked me in the ass.

Like fuck, this ex who is a TRANS MAN talked about wanting to kill me and called me, EXCLUSIVELY, her or it. Then had the AUDACITY to tell me that he was """just checking on me""" as if he was fucking worried about me?? And that I needed to stop venting about my abuser bc """it upset him"""????? Oh yeah lemme just take into consideration the feelings of the person who lied, manipulated, abused, and yeah fucking raped me. Because pressuring someone into sex is fucking rape. And it wasn't even once! Once would've been enough but it was fucking CONSTANT! EVERY SINGLE TIME I CAME OVER. "Please can we do anal. Can we? Do you want to? Do you want to?" Over and over and over no matter how many times I shrugged or said maybe or said I wasnt ready or into it or that it was too much or even fucking RIGHT OUT SAID NO he would ask and ask and ask and ask until I caved in like YEAH. THAT'S RAPE MY DUDE. And to a lesser degree he, whether he actually has DID or OSDD or not, manipulated me into dating and being sexual with his "second personality" that had repeatedly misgendered and deadnamed me before. Not to mention the fact that HE TOLD ME HE HAD BEEN DATING SOMEONE WHO HAD EVENTUALLY KILLED HIMSELF BUT THEN LATER ADMITTED TO ME THAT HE WAS LYING ABOUT THEM DATING AND HE ACTUALLY WAS JUST STALKING HIM??? LOL. Not to mention that our """""relationship""""" started with him manipulating me in what was and is still for me the most humiliating way fucking possible. I'm not gonna talk about that but he fucking lied to me and tried to convince me that I had fucking TOLD MY DAD I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM, MY DAD, and that he felt bad bc it was his fault for """corrupting me""" WHEN MY FUCKING DAD HAD DIED ALMOST A FULL FUCKING YEAR BEFORE OUR FIRST """""RELATIONSHIP"""""" He gaslight me so fucking BAD so fucking constantly even about the dumbest shit but that was the fucking worst. I started to fucking BELIEVE IT for a while it was so fucking bad. I didnt know what was real or fake I still dont know if his fucking ""second personality""" is real or not I dont KNOW. He just fucking downplayed EVERYTHING he did to me and had the fucking AUDACITY to say I was the reason he THOUGHT about killing himself like???? NAH LMAO. YOU USED SUICIDE AND SELF HARM AS A THREAT TO KEEP ME WITH YOU OR HAVE SEX WITH YOU OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANTED AT THAT TIME. YALL WANNA KNOW THE WORST PART ABOUT ALL OF THIS??? THAT VERY FUCKING FEW PEOPLE KNOW BECAUSE I AM TERRIFIED AND ASHAMED AND FUCKING HUMILIATED OF THIS STILL??? HES MY FIRST FUCKING COUSIN. THIS SON OF A BITCH MANIPULATED ME INTO THINKING INCEST WAS OKAY BECAUSE I WAS AN EASY TARGET FOR BEING NAIVE SO HE COULD FUCK ME. I HAD ALREADY FUCKING BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED IN THE PAST I ALREADY HAD FUCKING ISSUES. HE MADE ME THINK INCEST WAS OKAY AS LONG AS WE ""NEVER HAD KIDS""" I WAS SCARED AND TRIED SO HARD TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT WHAT WAS HAPPENING WAS OKAY THAT WE """DATING"""" WAS OKAY AND THAT BEING MY BOYFRIEND WAS OKAY AND EVEN THAT FUCKING BRINGING OTHER PEOPLE INTO OUR FUCKING RELATIONSHIP WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE FUCKING GASLIGHT ME SO BAD. HE MANIPULATED AND GASLIGHT AND ABUSED ME SO BAD THAT MY FUCKING BEST FRIENDS COULDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WOULDVE LASHED OUT AT THEM OUT OF FEAR AND SHAME BECAUSE HE MADE ME THINK THAT SHIT WAS OKAY. SO YEAH. FUCK HIM. FUCK THIS SITUATION. AND FUCK HIS EX BOYFRIEND. BET HE DIDNT FUCKING TELL YOU WE WERE COUSINS HUH?????? YEAH. WONDER WHY. CAUSE HE'S A FUCKING PATHOLOGICAL LIAR AND COULD GET AWAY WITH IT BECAUSE I'M STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE FUCKING ASHAMED AND HUMILIATED WITH MYSELF FOR IT. FUCK YOU FOR BEING A DOUCHE TO ME. FUCK YOU FOR STARTING THIS SHIT. FUCK YOU AND FUCK HIM I HOPE YOU BOTH CHOKE

Do not rəbl°g this p°st

[razorblade-eyes]

259 Things Women Do Daily to Avoid Being Assaulted

With sexual harassment and assault all over the headlines in Hollywood, sports, politics, and fitness, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and having lots of conversations about it lately.

In a recent Instagram story, I asked women in my community what things they do daily in an attempt to stay safe, and avoid sexual harassment and assault.

Within 24 hours, I had 259 answers from women. Let that sink in for a second: hundreds of women reached out to me with all the ways they alter their lives trying to avoid experiencing harassment and assault. I’ll share some of the most common answers below.

This is not surprising considering that 81 percent of women in the U.S. experience sexual harassment [1], and at least 33 percent of women globally will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime [2].

Note: While our article focuses on the experiences of women and uses the language of men as aggressors and women as victims, other marginalized populations at high risk for sexual violence share these experiences and alter their lives accordingly well. Please remember that sexual violence affects people of all genders, and that trans folks are at a higher risk than cisgender people [3,4]. 

What Is a Rape Schedule?

The concept of  “rape schedule” is used to describe the conscious and subconscious ways women place restrictions on themselves and alter their daily behavior as a result of their constant fear of sexual assault.

Organizing one’s life according to this “rape schedule” takes a lot of energy, and tends to start early on: from a young age, women are taught all the thing that they should do to avoid assault. Be it in school, in families or in media, the focus is still on women’s behavior — on what women and girls can and should do to avoid being harmed — instead of educating men and boys on how not to harass and assault women.

So what are some of the things women do daily to avoid harassment and assault? Here are some examples.

Women Change Where They Go and What They Do

Women reported removing themselves from situations where they simply don’t feel safe, such as:

Avoiding certain areas, including certain subway stations or streets, where they’re more likely to be catcalled.

Changing gyms because their walk there passed by a construction site where they were constantly harassed.

Switching gyms after being on the receiving end of countless comments about their body from the manager (those are often framed as “compliments” and women don’t feel anyone will believe them if they speak up because it’s coming from someone in power).

Not going to the workouts where men are coaching, only going to the women-led classes.

Women Alter Their Schedule

In order to avoid harassment and assault, they:

Avoid working certain shifts so they don’t have to be out in the early hours of the morning.

Try to go to the gym when it’s not busy so the guys don’t leer at them in the weight room.

Change their gym schedule to avoid another creepy gym member.

Not schedule night classes in college so they don’t have to walk alone at night.

Make sure they’re not working late at the office when they know a particular male coworker who makes them uncomfortable is also working late so they don’t have to be alone with him.

Never go for a run when it’s dark out, and having to find times that are less convenient but feel “safer.”

Women Change What They Wear

When it comes to their clothing, the women in our community have reported:

Refrain from wearing tight or revealing clothes to the gym to avoid attracting attention.

Wearing track pants over their gym shorts when they walk to the gym to decrease harassment.

Choosing their clothing carefully when they know they have to walk on the street more than a few blocks.

Wearing bulky clothes and put their hair up to make it less obvious that they’re a woman.

Women Are in a Constant State of Vigilance

Among other things, the women in our community told us that they will:

Only wear headphones in one ear to maintain awareness when in public.

Look men they’re passing on the street directly in the eye with a very stern expression.

Avoid making eye contact with men on the street.

Repeat to themselves three times what any man passing them on the street is wearing, so they can remember identifying characteristics.

Call their partner/mom/friend anytime they’re walking at night and let them know their location so they can call for help if needed.

Check other stalls in washrooms to make sure no one is hiding there.

Check the back seat of the car before getting in every single time.

Lock their car doors as soon as they sit in the car.

Park in well-lit areas and refuse to park and walk in dark areas.

Never drink alcohol unless they’re in the presence of trusted friends.

Never get on an elevator alone with a man.

Ask a male manager to walk them to their car at night when they leave work.

Constantly have their keys between their fingers or their pepper spray ready when walking alone at night.

Systematically make exit plans wherever they are in case they need to get away from a man.

Women Inconvenience Themselves

There are many instances where women find themselves quite inconvenienced in order to avoid feeling unsafe, for example:

Altering their workouts to avoid at all costs having to deadlift or hip thrust when the gym is busy.

Avoiding rest stops and gas stations at all costs when traveling alone, and often holding their pee for hours until they get to a place they feel safe to use the restroom.

Quitting the gym altogether because they had bad experiences at three gyms in a row, choosing to work out at home instead even though they can’t train in the way they’d like.

Wearing their headphones on their walk to the gym so they don’t hear catcalls.

Smiling or laughing off unwanted advances in order to de-escalate any potential threat.

Changing routes if a car behind them makes the same turns as they do.

Spending money on taxis or ubers instead of walking even though they would have preferred to walk.

Never telling taxi drivers their actual address.

Staying quiet about sexism, racism or ableism when they’d rather not, to remain safe.

Refusing connecting rooms when traveling alone

Lying and saying they have a friend who will join them at their hotel later so the staff doesn’t think they are staying alone.

Why This Doesn’t Tell the Whole Story

Women are spending tons of their valuable time and energy changing where they go and what they do, altering their schedules, carefully choosing what they wear and inconveniencing themselves — often at great cost — and the worst part is that it’s not even necessarily protecting them from the people who harass and assault them.

Even worse, the misconception that harassment mainly happens on the street, and that assault happens in a back alley at the hands of a stranger is actually preventing women from understanding that what has been done to them is harassment or assault.

Why? Most often, harassment and assault happen at the hands of someone we know.

Yes, the guys we know, those who we think of as “one of the good guys,” those we can’t imagine could hurt us, even maybe guys we have a crush on, or are in a relationship with (in the U.S. marital rape wasn’t illegal until 1986 on a federal level, and many states didn’t repeal marital rape exemptions until 1996 or later) [5].

And much of the negative experiences women will go through won’t happen in a back alley, but in much more familiar environments: at work, out with friends, at the gym, or even in their own homes. According to RAINN, 7 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known from the victim [6].

What You Can Do

You may read all this and feel dismayed. Maybe you had no idea. Or maybe it feels all too familiar. Regardless, you actually have a chance to be part of the solution — even if you don’t know where to start.

Much of the work needs to be about really grasping the reality of sexual harassment and assault, even if it means radically changing your understanding of these issues. To guide you in this, we’ve put together a FREE 5-day course about what you can do about sexual harassment and assault in the health and fitness industry.

When you sign up, we’ll teach you:

What to do if you witness or suspect sexual harassment.

What to do if a woman confides in you that she was harassed.

What to do if you personally experience harassment.

How to identify behaviour that seems OK (but really isn’t).

How to avoid common mistakes men make (even when they believe they “get it”).

How to create a safe environment for women.

How you can help women and be part of the solution.

Now’s the time to make the commitment to create change.

Want to support women? Check out this FREE Course.

Women are being sexually harassed and assaulted in and out of the gym — and we need your help! Interested in helping? If so, we’ve created a FREE course just for you!

→ Get access now, and start whenever you’re ready:

Get Your First Lesson

References

Stop Street Harassment, 2018 Study on Harassment and Assault, http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/resources/2018-national-sexual-abuse-report/

World Health Organization, Violence Against Women: Key Facts, http://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, An Overview of 2010 Findings on Victimization by Sexual Orientation, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/cdc_nisvs_victimization_final-a.pdf

James SE, Herman JL, Rankin S, Keisling M, Mottet L, Anafi M, The Report of the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey. Washington, DC: National Center for Transgender Equality, 2016, https://www.transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/USTS-Full-Report-FINAL.PDF

Bennice JA, Resik PA, Marital Rape: History, Research, and Practice, Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, July 2003, https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=201457

RAINN, Perpetrators of Sexual Violence: The Statistics, https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence

The post 259 Things Women Do Daily to Avoid Being Assaulted appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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[samebutdifferentcep-blog]

-- Zoe is seen here on her porch, smoking a cigarette in silk lingerie & a flannel, an environment she feels at ease in -- 

What does abuse mean to you? As a term, as an experience, however you want to infer.

I would define ‘abuse’ as any action taken by one party against another party, whether consciously or unconsciously, that threatens their physical or emotional well-being.

How old were you when it happened? Do you think differently about the experience now, versus when it originally occurred? If so, what has caused the shift in your perspective?

I was sexually abused when I was 13, and I didn’t call it that until just last year. That shift was due to my understanding of abuse being broadened significantly as I learned more about sexual assault. That experience has probably negatively affected me more than the actual rape that I experienced many years later because it was someone I knew, that I trusted, who I had a crush on. It made it hard to identify as abuse. 

I was 19 when I was raped. I didn’t think of it as rape when it actually happened. I convinced myself that I actually wanted it to happen, even though I said “no” and “please stop” multiple times during the forced encounter and joked about it with my friends as a coping mechanism. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I called it sexual assault. And it wasn’t until just this year that I decided it was absolutely rape. I think the shift was caused by talking to other survivors and hearing their stories (mostly online) and seeing the parallels between their experiences and mine. Also just being more confident in my experiences, realizing that the trauma and flashbacks and self-blame that I face now is probably caused by that original event.

Was it with someone you knew?

The person who abused me when I was 13 was someone I knew, a boy I had a crush on. And the man who raped me was a stranger, staying in the same room as me in a hostel in Northern Ireland.

How do you feel about the word “survivor” or “victim”? Do you identify as either one, or both?

I identify as both. I don’t have a problem with either word, though I know some folks don’t like the term “victim.” But that’s what I am.

Did you get the help and support you needed after the fact?

[Laughs] Nope! I’m not even really getting it now, as far as professional help goes. I keep putting it off, I know that’s bad it’s just hard to actually want to put myself in a space of reliving those moments again.

What is your community of friends like? What social sphere do you operate under?

My friends are amazing. Super supportive of my experiences, especially the women. The men, too. But I’ve still had to perform copious amounts of unreciprocated emotional labor for those men which, in some cases, has resulted in my manipulation and borderline abuse. I would describe my friends as “alt” and the thing about alt men, is that they think that because they perform masculinity just a little bit differently than hegemonically masculine dudebro types, that they’re immune to perpetuating sexism and being abusers when in reality, they’re just as bad as everyone else.

Do you know of any friends who have experienced something similar? How did your community react to their experiences versus your own?

I think almost every woman I know has faced some sort of emotional abuse in their lifetimes, including many people in my friend group. I’m not aware of *recent* rapes in my own community, but I’m sure it would be dealt with the same way these folks have dealt with other forms of abuse. The greater community tends to rank peoples’ experiences, and how they will commit to mending those issues, based on social convenience, something I think is extremely fucked up.

What, in your opinion, are the factors that play into systems of abuse and community responses to abuse?

Systems of abuse are sustained through the many facets of misogyny that give men more power than women, and trans/nonbinary folks, connect sexual violation with power, view assault heteronormatively, shame/blame victims, over-sexualize the human body, and I’m probably forgetting things but those are what’s coming to my mind right now. 

Would you say there is a “rape continuum”? Are some experiences “worse” than others, or are they all mere products of power imbalances and patriarchal influences that fall under the same umbrella?

I mean, they are all definitely products of our patriarchal culture, but there is definitely a continuum of experience. Like, you can’t tell me that getting whistled at on the street is just as traumatic as literally getting raped, ya know? They’re all needless experiences that oppress, belittle, and traumatize, but realistically, some are definitely worse than others. That’s actually something that really bothers me about the whole #MeToo “movement.” It lumps harassment and assault together as if the experiences are the same and they’re just not.

Do you feel as though abuse can occur anywhere and to anyone, or do you feel it is sanctioned to a specific social community?

It can happen anywhere and to anyone, but there are specific communities that are targeted the most such as straight and bisexual women, and transgender women. And communities? Any male-dominated community is going to be more vulnerable to fostering rape culture because it’s basically supported in those spaces.

Do you think Greek Life and party culture stand as the default or stereotype for abuse and assault perpetrators and victims?

Unfortunately yes. Greek Life is definitely super fucked up and fraternities should absolutely be abolished but that’s not gonna end gendered violence. A lot of men will use Greek Life, the fact that they’re not in frats, to distance themselves and their connections from the issue which is [grunts], so annoying.