#please respawn do NOT fuck this up i know thats a lot to ask but holy shit

[shvdowsdrowned]

I hope the context of this thumbnail is Revenant going: "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HEAD???"

[lawluenvy]

any other canadians out here just so sick of all of the LIES?!?!?

we are not "nice" people.

are we better than the average american??? MAYBE. not even a definite yes in fact personally i would lean towards a no except that since we do learn about a smidgen more world history than americans we happen to be a bit less obnoxious traveling and discussing other countries cuz well at least we know they even exist but y'all the bar is SO! LOW! so it's just a very small maybe.

just like the american bible belt (we have our own btw in case you forgot about alberta) we may appear to have warm hospitality and good manners but under that sunny façade we are just as miserable and immoral as every other colonial country founded on genocide.

we have committed atrocious war crimes and countless other crimes against humanity

we are the japan of north america - exporting this false image of a "polite" country that "can do no wrong" with a disgusting verocity all while blatantly ignoring our long list of problems because "hey at least we're not american!"

but guess the fuck what not being american is NOT a good enough standard - it's fucking embarrassing that this is our only point of patriotic pride; we have "free" healthcare and we're not the US! yay for us! we deserve a fucking gold star sticker on each of our fucking foreheads

in case you needed to be reminded there is a pipeline being built less than 50 metres away from MY APARTMENT (i am fucking furious) right now because our ugly ass prime minister is just as deceitful and dishonest as any other politician cuz guess what they're the exact same scum here that they are in the US and care only about satisfying the lobbyists that line their pockets and who are those people if not our very own oil conglomerates of our very own texas (alberta) and toronto is a shit hole and vancouver is a shit hole and lets not forget openly and proudly racist and islamophobic as fuck quebec!! every single inch of this land has blood on it and while those past deplorable acts were not directly all of our faults because at the time a lot of our ancestors were immigrants probably treated like shit too whether they were chinese, mexican, irish, italian, ukrainian- doesn't matter- but as the canadians that live here and run this country today we are a mockery to everything we proport ourselves to be by convincing ourselves of the same fantasy american's founding fathers created for them as our very own british and french overlords did for us and by spending all our time paying attention only to the ways that we are better than americans (if thats even true???? like tf you on?) we actively uphold everything that is still so very wrong about our own country.

i am just so. sick. of coming across media content painting canada as a lovely place where "you cant actually die" because its literal paradise on earth and so you just "respawn" ---

if shit like that were true then what the fuck happened to all the kids murdered by catholic and protestant churchs in residential schools? where did they go? why are we only just now barely beginning to unearth their bodies and return their remains to their homes where they belong if we can even identify them at all?

we say please and thank you all the time???

where the fuck was that please when we slaughtered all the bison of the plains for money and to starve out the prairie tribes occupying the land we declared with 0 authority was ours without asking to share???

where the fuck was the thank you for "letting" us stay here in shoving all of the survivors into reserves through manipulative and demeaning treaties and then several decades later offer reconciliation and reparations just to drop a billion dollar pipeline through some of these people's only clean water source for those "lucky enough" to have one in the first place!

where the fuck was the please when that ugly white tesla sped up to keep me from merging and breaking the rules of the zipper merge for the fifth time that day driving home in rush hour because he's "important" and "has places to be" and doesn't have time to let peasants get in front of him as if he's gonna get home any faster than me like wtf is wrong with you???

where the fuck was the thank you when i gave karen (HER NAME WAS LITERALLY KAREN) a discount on her box of cookies that were labelled as clearance when they were not actually on clearance because someone (probably another customer) put this one box of cookies in the wrong spot on the shelf and she threw a fucking temper tantrum all like "dont you know who i am? i shop here every week and now because i'll never come back because you're trying to say i lied to you and i dont appreciate this accusation" like BITCH HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE FUCKING POLICY PLEASE DO NEVER COME BACK IF I SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN IT IS ON! SIGHT!

and what about all the anti vaxx protests during a global pandemic?

what about all the conservative christians that tried to make school boards reporting the extra curricular activities of their children in GSAs to parents mandatory for the express purpose of being able to then beat them, send them to conversion therapy, and kick them out when it doesnt work the second they get home after that phone call???

what about all the lying liberal losers who think "sure black, brown and gay people deserve SOME rights" but they are "fiscally conservative" and still think that corporations maintain the right to poison our earth, sabotage our economy, hold the working class hostage including themselves because "hey maybe one day i'll get to be the rich bastard who can step on and rip people off and get away with sexual assault charges against minors and subordinates at school and at work" cuz as long as they can hold onto the dream that they get to be the asshole one day then its totally fine!!! everything bad about humans is cool so long is doesnt personally affect them cuz other people dont exist!!! yay!

everything is just great and fine here all of the time!!!

tims is the best!!! even though they stopped making jelly filled powdered donuts, have the grossest icing on the randomest special edition bakery items, water down their coffee, and pay their indian immigrant full time managers barely above minimum wage!!!

the rcmp are so great they wear funny hats and ride horses even though 90% of them actually dont and we have video footage of officers assaulting their suspects too!!! what about that international student who got yanked out of her dorm by the roots of her hair by a white woman during a "wellness" check??? y'all forget about that??? what about robert pickton? the highway of tears??? missing murdered indigenous women??? native poverty in vancouver, black poverty in toronto, the "starlight tours" in saskatchewan?

canada is not a good country.

stop spreading that delusion around.

and to my fellow canadians:

being better than america isn't the flex you think it is.

grow the fuck up.

[tigerdrop]

i have a lot of trouble writing benrey in my fics— how did you experiment with his characterization until you were satisfied with it, and what other benny interpretations do u enjoy from other fic writers? i love the way you write him, his dialogue feels so authentic and believable.

AW thank u......it always makes my day to hear something nice about the way i characterize ppl......there were a lot of things i did to try to nail how he talks and thinks. thank u for asking this b/c i have a Lot to say about this subject

the first thing is, obv, watching the series. i have to include this one b/c i feel like quite a few ppl in this fandom.....like.....havent. there is a certain way of characterizing him as an Epic Mischievous Gamer that is, uhhh, very much a fanon thing that ppl see on tumblr and imitate and flanderize all to hell. but, like, im an obsessive little weirdo who will rewatch things over and over again to take notes on characters’ behavior and dialogue and i really gotta recommend just sitting back and listening to how benrey talks.

hes not dropping gamer references constantly. hes not making every single sentence out of his mouth some obnoxious quip. hes slow on the uptake and drops conversations entirely if he doesnt care about them. he has never once said “cringe” before and whenever i see a fic that has him doing it multiple times i feel minutes shaved off of my lifespan. the #1 tip i can give here is to not have benrey talking in fucking 2010s gamer lingo every time he opens his mouth. please

(i feel partially responsible for the spread of this kind of characterization. my first 2 fics have him doing stuff like that every once in awhile. sometimes i debate going back and changing them, but like, benrey saying “poggers” one time aside, i think they hold up pretty good. so i havent. something something historical accuracy)

the more i wrote about him, the more i tried digging into the aspects of his character that i found the most appealing. some people are really into his polite side. i am really into his bullying side. so i would watch the bits where benrey really has his “gordon bullying” mode cranked up to 11 and make note of how he acts, how he talks. trying to replicate it. “benrey saying epic random shit to piss gordon off” is much less his vibe than, like, demeaning gordon, and i feel like the bathroom skit is the ultimate manifestation of this. it is genuinely my favorite bit in the whole series b/c its so ideally representative of their weird-ass dynamic. this fuckin high school bullying LARP in the middle of a public restroom. god in heaven

the less you lean on the crutches of “gamer lingo��� and “wacky non-sequitur”, the more it forces you to think about how he behaves. what motivates him. and generally, like, he operates on his own wavelength. he doesnt fully understand everything thats going on around him and selectively chooses what he tunes into. and, most importantly, he just wants to play games, man. benrey likes goofing off with the science crew and playing mind games with gordon. he fails to understand the gravity of his actions a lot of the time b/c hes not human, and hes not operating under the same social guidelines.

(this is the part where people like to speculate exactly what kind of non-human he is, and i think this can be helpful for setting up his motivations! me, personally, i am of the opinion that hes just a video game guy made real. kind of like a live-action cartoon character. so hes operating on video game logic a lot of the time, and doesnt grasp that consequences for actions are different for normal people who cant noclip or respawn. a kind of lack of empathy that manifests in him being capricious, indifferent, detached......purely oriented around “getting his job done” and “chilling” and, naturally, “fucking with gordon freeman“.)

ultimately it boils down to distilling just what i like out of their interactions and trying to Manifest it repeatedly. i go crazy about their actual canon interactions and i want to write things that hit the notes i like: two guys who are mutually kind of obsessed with one another, for better or worse, and engage in a lot of play fighting (and, you know, genuine fighting, too) as a sublimation of it. best frenemies, if you will.

i think that a lot of the problems people have in writing benrey is that they kinda just project whatever attributes they want in a lover onto him. like, man, i like cute shit as much as the next guy, but do you really think that the dude who bullies gordon freeman while hes having a panic attack is gonna tenderly stroke gordons hair and wipe his tears and tell him that everythings gonna be okay? no, dude. even when benrey expresses any kind of concern, he does it in a way that communicates that he doesnt understand the gravity of whats going on and he doesnt “get” why gordons lying on the ground yelling, or why gordons howling in pain after getting his arm cut off. he is not an empathetic guy. hes actually kind of a creep!!! a lil freakjob! the weirdness and the lack of humanity are what make him hot!!!!

and this is what makes it own so hard on the rare occasions he does show empathy! its the same reason why its so cute when gordon stops bitching for 0.5 seconds and tries to be nice! theyre earned moments, not character defaults. and cutesy/lovey-dovey shit with these two is definitely doable, but i would love to see more of it take into account the fact that these are two dudes who fucking suck and who especially suck at being emotionally open with each other.

as far as characterizations that i really like........okay. full disclosure. the biggest reason ive been losing my shit over the catmaid freemind fic is b/c the author is one of the few people who really taps in to what i like about benrey, and what i like about his relationship with gordon. hes teasing. he likes to use his perceived authority to bully people. hes weirdly protective of gordon. but hes also just, like, a chill dude who wants to play video games. and he legit likes gordon and expresses affection for him in some of the most in-character ways ive ever seen

like. deliberately spilling milk on the couch and flatly going like “oops.” b/c he wants gordon to sleep in his room......playing nurse by doing fuck-all apart from giving gordon powerade while hes sick and keeping the volume on his video games low......kicking barmey under the table for making fun of gordon being dogboyed.......it is all exceptionally cute shit and its delightfully in-character. i feel so bad for the author b/c im a frenrey head and i am primarily reading it for those two. but god they do it so well.......im hooked. im obsessed

thank u again for asking this and for the lovely compliment ^q^ i hope this answered your question......i have spent entirely too much of my life thinking about my favorite half life funny guy

[chrysalizzm]

i uh. realized people follow me now because of uh. you’re human tonight on ao3 asdjgfs

i have content!! behind the scenes content as promised. i do outlines for my fics as a general rule of thumb just because i personally can’t write things to a satisfying finish if i don’t Do That, and so - here are my chapter/plot outlines for you’re human tonight ^^ (i have no idea if this is interesting content or not i thought i’d put it out there because i think outlines are kinda fun hhhh)

chap 1 fundy

subtitle: an inkling

fundy makes an iron golem gone wrong, dream makes it go boom

chap 2 purpled

subtitle: uh oh social interaction

purpled shelters a fugitive, gets his house explosion-proofed as thanks

this is probably gonna be the only chapter with a funny title hh oh well

update: it’s not and i’m pleased with myself for branching out with my dry humor

chap 3 sapnap

subtitle: dust to dust

sapnap’s dying via wither effect, and he knows respawn’s around the corner but goddamn if it doesn’t hurt til then. dream skids in around the nether fortress corner, drops all his weapons cradles sapnap’s head in his hands, has always taken death much harder than anyone sapnap’s ever met. at the last few seconds, when death creeps up like a shroud, dream starts to hum to him hoarsely, pressing his forehead to sapnap’s, and in the final moments sapnap doesn’t hurt at all. the last thing he hears is dream whimpering. he visits dream’s bunker the next day, knocks on the door over and over, but there’s no sign of life there. sapnap shrugs, bites his lip out of guilt for forcing dream to sit there watching him die (if temporarily), and moves on.

the chapter that introduces dream’s primary ability of soothing hurts. put a lot of emphasis on the fact that sapnap ached up until the moment dream started humming, because for dream to do that is pretty frivolous considering once sapnap died he’d respawn and the hurt would just disappear but dream wanted sapnap to have a peaceful last few seconds. emphasize how abnormal it is that withering stops hurting. 

chap 4 ponk

subtitle: beaches dry of sugarcane

dream visits ponk after george burns down the first tree. when ponk arrives to the second tree to move in, he realized dream made the tree flourish, grow healthier and bigger. 

chap 5 sam

subtitle: fuck this shit i’m out (edit: the official subtitle is “oh god oh fuck”, i changed it last-minute)

dream picks sam’s brain for manhunt strategies while the latter is mining for redstone. sam stumbles upon a spawner and reels back, trips, nearly misses the moment dream sweeps him behind him and his eyes flash beneath the mask and when sam gets back up, dazed, there’s nothing but the splay of cobwebs all over the walls. 

chap 6 punz

subtitle: lines drawn

in an unrelated skirmish, punz drives his sword up to the hilt in dream’s chest, relying on respawn for dream to not feel any pain and for punz to get paid. dream doesn’t die. this is understandably alarming. 

can we get some funnies in chap? just a few laughs?? a lil funny for mr luke punz man?

can we get some panicky dry humor for real tho because punz strikes me as someone who copes with morbid humor and dream spluttering up blood is def a situation that punz would not know how to deal with

chap 7 wilbur

subtitle: so about that date

wilbur makes platonic moves on dream while dream fake texts his fiance under the table. wilbur also accidentally vents to dream about his little brother tommy and how afraid he is that tommy will get himself hurt for how reckless he is. dream siphons some of his anxiety from him, smiles as they depart from one another. wilbur notes that dream is shaking when they leave. 

chap 8 skeppy

subtitle: get wrecked noob

dream walks skeppy through some pvp. when skeppy demands a rematch w tommy and gets a lil stage fright kinda sorta thing, dream siphons his anxiety and his nerves and goes full soccer mom with bad and skeppy loses 5-2 but like!! he won!! against tommyinnit!! HH

is there any mental image nearly as powerful as dream wastaken, the soccer mom

chap 9 jack

subtitle: mandatory volunteering

after tommy goes on another one of his destructive rampages lmao, dream enlists jack, newest-comer, to help him rebuild stuff bc underclassmen have to do whatever upperclassmen tell them to do thems just the rules. after rebuilding a statue near the community house, dream pats it fondly, and when tommy sneaks back to set in on fire for shits and giggles, he finds that it’s fuckin fireproofed AGAIN

rebuild efforts, i promised monuments rebuilt so thats what theyre gonna fuckin Get

chap 10 antfrost

subtitle: twist the knife

ant on what ends up being an unpublicized manhunt: dream stops the manhunt because he’s triggered a raid and by the time the hunters get there, alarmed by the screaming and the fire and dream’s unresponsiveness, the villagers are all dead and there are raider corpses everywhere and dream is lying near the bell on his side, whimpering. (what the hunters don’t know - dream tried to fight off the raid but was overwhelmed and witnessed the village get slaughtered, he took the pain of the villagers that weren’t dead but were dying.)

segment: There’s a reason they do the manhunts, and it’s not just for them to horse around and try to kill one another for a few days. Antfrost is the newcomer but he’s always been good at reading people and from the outset he knew that Dream was someone filled to the brim with the restlessness that characterizes humans, that never-settling wanderlust, and his brain works too fast for the rest of his body sometimes, and he just needs an outlet. It’s part of why he eggs Tommy on in their little war games, why he holds onto those discs even though he doesn’t need them, why he gets that delighted look on his face when someone tells him that Tommy’s griefed them or stolen from them or otherwise ruined their morning. Antfrost thinks the only times he’s ever really seen Dream silent, Dream waiting, Dream unmoving, are when Dream is 

chap 11 karl

subtitle: head in the shallows

karl, sapnap, george, and dream have a sleepover after mcc 11. karl, nearest to dream, wakes up when dream starts tossing and turning from a nightmare. when he tries to shake dream awake, dream’s eyes fly open and he slams his fist into the wall behind him and the earth, the literal earth, the entire slab of it, shudders like an earthquake. sapnap and george sleep like the dead, so it’s just karl and dream staring at one another. finally karl asks, concerned, “do you want some tea or water or anything?”

chap 12 hbomb

subtitle: a maid’s burden

“i want to dress up as a maid for fundy,” says hbomb with false bravado. fundy’s fiance levels a very impassive look at him for an awkward minute or two and just when hbomb thinks he’s misread dream and fundy’s relationship dream says “i’ll get you a wig” and the entire chapter is just dream idly twisting the fabric of reality to get hbomb the items he needs to put the outfit together

pranks, i promised pranks, theyre gonna get pranks

chap 13 alyssa

subtitle: message in a bottle (edit: official subtitle is “ship in a bottle”)

alyssa’s leaving, at least temporarily. 

alyssa tells dream it’s getting dangerous on his server, doesn’t relish the expression that brings to his face, but he holds her hands and nods and bids her safe journey. when alyssa returns, running for something (later we’ll learn she had heard that dream was bad, that he might be dying), she finds that her house is completely inaccessible by everyone save her, placed in complete stasis by someone. 

start of the chapters leading up to festival arc. build unresolved tension in this one. 

chap 14 niki

subtitle: life doesn’t discriminate

wilbur and tommy are relentless, they waste no time; niki is willing to wait for it. 

the night before the duel, she goes to dream and holds a sword to his throat and demands he call it off, even though she knows it’ll mean little because of respawn, tells him she won’t stop hunting him down until he gives up l’manberg. dream smiles a little sadly and pats her hand and her fright, her rage, it simmers back down, and the anger that had swarmed her and made dream out to be the devil dies down until it’s just her friend, who was playing along with tommy til it got serious and he got cocky, who’s just as in over his head as she is, and maybe niki’s soft but she likes that about herself, that she’s always the first to forgive. niki is looking at the healing cut on dream’s neck, uncovered by any bandages, when dream shoots tommy, a clean shot that causes no suffering.

a long chapter, probably. i think at some point in this i want to mention niki’s respect for dream for apologizing during the first pet war, for not letting things get any bigger until fundy came back. some parallels can be drawn here - that dream let the fire die down in the initial stages of the pet war, that dream won’t let go of the l’manberg war now, and it occurs to niki that she doesn’t know dream nearly as well as she thinks she does if she expected him to act exactly the way he did during the pet war. she’s got what she’s wanted - dream’s remorse, proof of dream’s humanity - even though it’s not in the form niki wanted it. 

chap 15 eret

subtitle: crown of thorns

the king in name only consults with the true leader. 

they’re both upset about pogtopia’s exile, eret arguably more so because they think their early betrayal of l’manberg somehow butterfly-effected into the current dumpster fire, and as they talk eret works themself into a full panic attack reflecting on things that were, things that could’ve been - and the tide washes out all of a sudden, and eret’s left with the same looming hollowness they’d been feeling before, no dregs of the panic, they’ve never had a panic attack that left them feeling normal after - but dream is now wheezing like he’s about to die and eret immediately walks him through the panic attack, levelheaded even as they’re confused out of their mind. 

chap 16 quackity

subtitle: water to blood

quackity is a snake in the grass. 

quackity at schlatt’s side during the few weeks of his presidency. he knows schlatt from before, has been his friend, so he knows when his friend is acting off. the cynical, straight-faced humor is still there, his completely bland delivery and brazen showmanship, but it’s twisted to the left somehow, to make it so that those qualities that make up his friend have rotted, hurt people. quackity eventually goes to dream after schlatt first overdoses with a lot of questions, maybe even to confess that his allegiance has begun to shift because he can’t go to pogtopia and he can’t go to schlatt - and dream just gives him a long, sad look before lightly patting quackity’s shoulder and says “i can’t guarantee anything - just that you’ll be safe” and shooing him off and as quackity heads back to manberg he realises all the hostile mobs are avoiding him like the fucking plague. 

it’s big q!!!! fattest ass in the cabinet!!!!! pog!!!

fun fact this chapter’s subtitle was almost “chekhov’s gun” until november fucking 16th of 2020

chap 17 tommy

subtitle: most disputes die and no one shoots

tommy learns how a legacy dies.

a compendium of tommy watching the madness consume wilbur. it needs to be emphasized in this chapter that wilbur becomes an entirely different person when they’re ejected from manberg, that he becomes obsessed with the legacy he’s created and watching it crumble is what twists him; when dream gives tommy his crossbow, tommy, out of desperation and a need to have an older sibling again, asks what’s wrong with wilbur; dream’s face hardens and he asks tommy to take dream to wilbur. it’s a terse meeting, the only one they have before techno and before wilbur completely loses it and demands the tnt; wilbur says a lot of things tommy doesn’t understand (it’s complex mythological jargon hinting at dream’s status as a god but could be misconstrued to refer to dream’s status as simply the world owner) and at one point wilbur sneers, “are you trying to play god, dream?” and dream lurches forward and grabs wilbur by the wrist, and there’s a completely silent moment where tommy feels the air suck out of his lungs and there’s an off buzzing in his ears and he fancies he hears something that sounds, just a bit, like dream, whispering desperately wilbur wilbur wilbur it’s me it’s me listen listen listen then a shrieking, acrid wave of no and tommy reels back and when he looks up dream has staggered back, his hand to his mouth, blood dripping from somewhere beneath his mask, sounding like he’s gagging or maybe he’s sobbing, as wilbur shrieks in a voice that is entirely not his “get out get out if i can’t have l’manberg...” and tommy understands, finally, as dream sprints out. that’s not wilbur.

a distinction needs to be made perfectly clear in this chapter, as with schlatt’s chapter: it’s not them. they’ve been twisted out of control by something bigger than them, something that wants to toy with the young god running an oasis of peace for his people. it doesn’t need to be outright said in this fic; in another we can delve into the madness and who did it and why. for now, just make it clear it’s not explicitly anyone’s fault.

chap 18 techno

subtitle: colosseum

dream had to let techno in first, you know. 

techno and dream have interacted often - the duel, the championships, they’re friends more than acquaintances now. but techno was called in by someone wearing his brother’s face that he honestly doesn’t recognize from his voice and when he arrives at spawn, before tommy fetches him, he sees dream sitting cross legged waiting for him and they talk about the situation, dream giving techno a quick brief. when tommy comes, crying “techno, this way, this way to pogtopia”, and crossbow bolts are being fired at techno, dream gives him a lil wave goodbye (or what techno thinks is a lil wave goodbye but what actually turns out to be putting a swiftness effect on him).

“that’s not my brother, dream,” says techno, and dream’s mouth wobbles and he says, hoarse, “i know.”

techno Suspects, but only knows that dream has world-manipulating powers and thus standard minor god powers. he doesn’t let dream know he suspects. 

chap 19 bad

subtitle: run devil run

bad trusts dream, perhaps against his better judgement. 

dream comes to visit bad and skeppy on neutral grounds in the interim leading up to the festival that everyone on the server is side-eyeing and side-stepping. bad considers his friend and the owner of the world as he gives dream an impromptu tour through the escape route he and skeppy have dug out, wonders with a little reproach how dream could let things get to this point, then, soft, gentle as always, acknowledges that dream is only human kindly. when he says that, though, dream’s face crumples, as though those words hurt him more than any criticism bad’s given him in the time he’s known him, as though bad had driven a blade into his heart, and bad doesn’t understand but he lets dream run away from that. when a small flock of creepers explode over the tunnel the night before the festival and bad grumbles that he has to fix it, he learns dream left him with a fortified escape tunnel.

a/n: i’m sure the irony isn’t lost on you.

chap 20 tubbo

subtitle: cadmean victory

what say the sacrificial lamb?

tubbo is coming to terms with the fact that he might not make it out of office in one piece and it’s not his first time respawning but the older members of the server always, always did their best to shield the younger ones from death. he runs into dream by complete coincidence while he’s avoiding pogtopia (mostly wilbur) and manberg (mostly schlatt), caught between two strangers wearing his friends’ faces. he looks at dream, who looks back at him impassively, and tubbo starts to cry, because it finally hits him that even with his death and respawn nothing will be fixed, nothing can change, the poison’s run too deep into the veins of dream’s beautiful little world and now nothing can be right anymore and it feels like he’s shattering into tiny, aching shards - and then dream kneels before him, takes his hands, presses his forehead to them, sighs like his heart’s breaking, and tubbo feels a small calm thread back into him as dream stands abruptly, jittery. dream, with hands that shake, grips tubbo’s shoulder, hovers for a second, then his head jerks up and he bolts into the forest, clambering up a tree with admirable ease and disappearing away into the leaves as schlatt suddenly emerges from the bushes nearby with a joyous, plastic “hey! tubbo!”

chap 21 george

subtitle: lantern burns low

a moment in the night; george is visited by a specter. 

dream comes, pale, and asks george if there is anything wrong, is everything okay with you? takes george’s caught-off-guard face in his hands and says george george george, are you - and george catches a glimpse of dream’s powers (is he safe safe does he hurt no but fear but anxiety there are dregs hush now quiet now he is safe all quiet quiet quiet he’s safe) and he says, stricken even as the constant thrum of nervous energy he’d kept with him fades out, “dream what was that,” and dream presses his hands to his mask where his eyes are and says, despairingly, “they don’t get to have you too,” and staggers back out. 

george is the first person dream overtly “comes out” to. this is also why george doesn’t see dream til the festival. 

chap 22 schlatt

subtitle: the empty throne

dream visits schlatt in his office. 

schlatt, possessed by madness, has no idea what he’s saying but it feels right, it’s exactly right, everything is in his hands, and when dream approaches, his hands facing up, is he there is he there yes yes yes tainted polluted this is twisted this is madness madness madness dream reels back, shaking, and schlatt leans in and leers, not even knowing what he’s saying, “you can’t even fix it, young god,” and relishes the way all the color drains from dream’s face.

=)

chap 23 dream (edit: this monster ended up being split into three for pacing purposes and also if i left it together it was gonna be. h. 14K WORDS. also the drama of a cliffhanger at what most people thought was going to be the last chapter was too good to pass up don’t @ me

subtitle: do you feel like a young god?

running, running, running again

finale!! dream takes everyone’s old hurts into himself, takes the madness from schlatt and wilbur, promptly passes the hell out because no one should be doing that, wakes up, gets the shit hugged out of him, and explains a little, and gets told that he’s loved over and over. 

i uh! take questions! i like talking about this story, there’s a lot i still want to show, and even apart from that i just really love mcyt haha

[dumbhypmicheadcanons]

minecraft headcanons

no one asked for this but i find i have strong opinions on the hypmic boys and minecraft and i found it necessary

first things first: it was the buster bros who started it. ichiro bought a copy of minecraft and he enjoyed it so he forced his brothers to join as well. eventually ichiro had a plan. he convinced samatoki to get minecraft so they could have pvp matches and samatoki accepted because that’s just more opportunity to fight. ichiro started a server where he, his brothers, and samatoki all coexisted. samatoki thought it was unfair that ichiro had two people helping him out so he forced jyuto and rio to get accounts. eventually the fights and weird shit going on in minecraft began making their way onto twitter and ramuda was like “hmm whats this tea i want in” so ramuda got himself an account and forced ichiro to hand over the ip. ramuda was having a good time so he forced dice and gentaro to join (and bought dice a shitty laptop from walmart so he could play. it is kept in gentaro’s care so it doesn’t get gambled away). ramuda wanted to be problematic so he forced jakurai to get an account. doppo and hifumi joined shortly afterwards because everyone else, including sensei, was playing minecraft and they didn’t want to be left out.

ichiro and samatoki started off by having pvp matches, but these soon grew really boring. they eventually moved onto a system where they would both get rid of all of their belongings and spawn themselves into random places in the world. they would then compete to see who could defeat the ender dragon the fastest. every time someone wins, they would respawn her and try again. sometimes saburo and jiro tried to help out ichiro, but ichiro wouldn’t accept it because he wanted to prove he was better on his own.

saburo? redstone god. he spends all of his time building really complicated structures and is constantly one-upping himself and proving himself better. he’s disappointed that the group’s server is survival mode but he treats it like a challenge. he’s constantly making flying machines, piston doors, resource farms, etc. everything he does is beyond extra and he’s always bragging about how impressive his inventions are

jiro does not understand redstone but he does understand tnt. his favorite hobby is making tnt cannons to blow up all of saburo’s shit. he can also be found griefing everyone else’s houses, stealing everyone else’s shit, building terrible dirt houses in the carefully constructed cities, and generally pissing everyone off. at first the only one he didnt troll was ichiro, but he has extended that liberty to samatoki after ichiro went on a rant about how it wasn’t fair and made the competition too easy.

jyuto doesn’t know how to play minecraft. he doesnt know about the end or the nether, he doesnt really understand that diamonds are good, and he’s just existing. he’s just trying his best to survive in the world with his square wooden house. he’s slowly getting better at killing monsters.

rio? rio is a survivalist. he doesnt have a house. he constructs square dirt rooms filled to the brim with chests that are filled with wood and stone and ores and monster drops. he doesn’t do anything with these, he simply collects. he doesnt have armor or weapons. he punches everything to death. he recently found out from saburo that he can create minecarts and he is now on an expedition to link all of his item collections together by railroad. he has given everyone free access to use his railroads and resources because he does not need them, he simply has them and wants them to be used. he accidentally found the nether one time because he found one of samatoki’s portals and he has been stuck there for about 6 days someone please rescue him

ramuda is in creative mode. he really shouldnt be, its a survival server and ramuda shouldnt be opped but somehow he is??? ichiro tried unopping him once but when he woke up the next day not only was ramuda opped again, he had also left several extremely graphic death threats so ichiro decided not to do that again. ramuda’s main hobby is designing extremely aesthetic houses in a variety of styles, he’s an extremely good builder who adds so many details and terraforming and texturing and it’s so nice??? but also if you build something that he finds aesthetically unappealing (so if you build anything, ramuda only likes his own builds) he will come by in the middle of the night and either a) rebuild your house entirely and make it aesthetically pleasing (and steal your stuff) or b) blow it up. 

gentaro builds scenes and locations that he’s written about in his novels, he also builds things that he’s planning on writing so he can try to plan out a scene better. gentaro tried to start a roleplay group once and he got jyuto and ichiro to join but jiro blew up all of their buildings so he gave up. gentaro also lives in a village and he’s always trading with the villagers who he has adopted as his friends. he’s also really into farming and has bred a lot of animals that he refuses to kill because he’s attached to them.

dice has a dirt house that he keeps making bigger. dice is really, really good at finding and mining for ores so he has chest after chest full of them. he agreed to trade his ores to saburo in exchange for a working redstone casino, which saburo has been working on for weeks. he has made a working slot machine that dice abuses the fuck out of. there are no stakes but dice has an addiction to it

jakurai did not know how to punch for the first few weeks of playing. he started off slowly, not really understanding the basics. then he found out about the wiki and how there are walkthroughs for literally everything and now? jakurai is so fucking good at minecraft. it’s gotten to the point that ichiro and samatoki have tried to ban jakurai from their server because he kept beating the ender dragon in the middle of their competitions. like one time ichiro and samatoki randomly spawned really close to each other and both got to the end at pretty much the same time and jakurai? was already there??? and he had beaten the dragon with a bunch of snowballs???????? like this 35 year old man with a steve skin beat the dragon faster than these two idiots who have been doing this for months? thats illegal;;; but then jakurai was disappointed about it on twitter and they felt bad so they unbanned him

hifumi and doppo live together. they have this cute house in the mountains in the middle of nowhere and they keep adding to it to make it seem more like a home;;; its fully decorated and has a kitchen and a bedroom and everything even though none of its necessary. hifumi really likes building and he has a bunch of crops and animals and just a really nice farm and also a flower garden that he’s always tending to even though the flowers dont need anything? and he’s built a really cute pond area and a bunch of waterfalls and its all adorable. doppo meanwhile is out fighting monsters and mining for resources and he’s just trying to make life easier for hifumi. one time jiro came by and instead of fucking up their house, he just replaced all of hifumi’s cows with mooshrooms. no one knows how he got this many mooshrooms or where he found them or why he decided to do this but it happened. at first hifumi was deeply upset because the mooshrooms were staring into his soul but doppo adored them so hifumi grew to appreciate their mushroom friends.

if you disagree with me on any of this we can throw hands in the parking lot tomorrow 3pm

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #341

“Offender Arrives, The Wicker Man, TLOT's Memories”

-Ringleader has joined the server-

-SexualOffenderman has joined the server-

-Splenderman has joined the server-

[Doc] Frantically throwing on clothes-

[TLOT] Is loafing next to the water on the beach below the castle garden and sits up abruptly-

[Steve] Pops up out of the shallows

[Yaunfen] Sniffing the air while Waffles gives a warning growl-

[Splender] Has entered the server near the castle and waves at those he can see- Hello everybody!

[Yaunfen] perks up with whiskers twitching- Hi Splender!

[TLOT] Waves back as well and Steve is climbing uncertainly up onto the shore- you brought us a guest?

[Splender] - Weeeell

[Offender] Yawns- Due to certain circumstances, brother wants to make sure at least one of us is with Splender

[TLOT] Are you I'll? Or in some supernatural danger?

[Offender] - I suppose you could say that

[Steve] Who would want to hurt Splender? He's one of the nicest people I know

[Ringleader] - Splendy why don't we go find Pinwheel?

[Splender] - Okay!

[Offender] Waits until the other two are out of hearing distance- Our father...

[Yaunfen] Flicking their tail- someone else with a mean dad? Thats not okay.  

[Waffles] Sniffs Offender and gives a tiny kitty style sneeze.

[Offender] - Yeah, it wasn't a problem until they managed to fix the portal between our dimensions

[TLOT] Well he's got a decent place to hide at least.

[Steve] dawning realization- You're Offenderman, right?

[Offender] Grins- Yes

[Yaunfen] I know an offensive word! Fuck!

[TLOT] ho boy

[Offender] Laughs- Good one kid!

[Doc] Comes racing up fixing their coat hurriedly- is there an emergency?!? What's going on?!

[Offender] - Not much, just making sure the baby bro stays safe

[TLOT] His father...

[Doc] Pales - Zalgo?

[Offender] Laughs- Oh fuck no!  That douche is not our father!

[Doc] I thought he was king of demons or something?

[Yaunfen] What's a douche?

[Offender] - He's basically a very old minor god in terms of power, but he's probably only barely stronger than our father, the Wicker Man

[Doc] Wicker? Doesnt that have something to do with furniture? [Steve] Watches two touchies that have crawled out of his skull helm fly lazily around him- a furniture man doesn't sound too scary.   [TLOT] and Yaunfen, douches are for cleaning girl parts. [Yaunfen] Oh yeah! Like mom has. - nod nod-

[Offender] - Think more the shape, the tangle of branches deep in a forest that you can barely see through.  He's so old his tendrils can resemble the deepest and deadliest parts of a forest

[Doc] So a mess.

[Offender] - And deceptive

[TLOT] Somehow I think any untidy branches are going to stick out here. -gestures at the trees nearby- even jungle trees are rather chunky and uniform.

[Offender] - Good point, but his goal wouldn't be to hide here, but to get my brothers and I back home and destroy Splendy

[TLOT] You're all in danger of being kidnapped?

[Offender] - In a sense?  In our world you obey whoever is strongest...  Which is one reason why it was odd for brother to not accept Zalgo's offer for us to live under him...

[TLOT] We prefer a more... democratic approach.

[Doc] Sort of. I mean, I get final say because I pay the bills, but certain people have their own areas or expertise and subjects to rule.

[Yaunfen] Mada is head admin!

[Offender] - Don't know what that means but good for you!  I'm gonna go help Splendy find his little biting fluffball

[Doc] Well before you go... I don't mean to be rude but...  did you... feed before you came in? We're used to accomdating Splender. And Trender and Solace would be equally easy... I'm just concerend. We have a lot of children here and plenty of inhabitants who already have trauma they're trying to work through...

[Offender] - Yeah, I got plenty of fuel last night

[Yaunfen] You eat coal like Crim?

[Doc] Uncomfortable- no... - Hir words have a certain emphasis- Offender, this is my child Yaunfen.

[Offender] - So one of the many Splendy already berated me for on being off limits, gotcha

[Doc] That would be appreciated-

[TLOT] Mentally to Offender - They're young, and as far as we can tell, completely non-binary with no organs of either type.

[Offender] Responds mentally in kind- Hasn't stopped me before, but I'll leave them be since I don't think any of us want a raging Splendy on our hands

[TLOT] Mentally- Or me. I've made a few bad mistakes of my own in the past, and now consent is very important to me.

[Offender] - Welp, I'll be off then!

[Doc] Wait! One more thing. - Xe clicks near him and brings up the display- You're a guest player for now. Just type my name in the chat like this- does some finger motions like on a keyboard- if you need anything or have any questions.

[Offender] - Noted, oh and we brought Ringleader to help keep SPlendy's mind off of what's going on

[Doc] Oh! I'll have to drop by. We had a nice little adventure last time. It'll be good to see her again.

[Offender] - Yup, well, you'll probably find her and my brother around the kids quite a bit

[TLOT] That's normal. The kids really enjoy his company. My Testificates are used to seeing him around the village.

[Offender] Starts walking off- Yeah well I'll probably be stuck baby sitting the biter

[Doc] She's a bit more advanced then you remember. Be nice to her. She's basically Sally's age now and about her level too.

[Offender] - Oh joy

[Yaunfen] Should I find Big Fire mada?

[Doc] Go ahead, I need to check in with your mom. Everything looks like it's holding steady, but I want to add a few things just in case.

[Yaunfen] I'm on it! - Goes trotting off with waffles following at a loping pace.

[Doc] Turns to TLOT- ...

[TLOT] You don't have to ask, I'll keep an eye on him.

[Yaunfen] Runs down the spawn road sniffing around for Cp's brimstone smell-

[Lie] Is walking towards Doc's place with CP following her.  He's still in cat form-

[Yaunfen] Leaps over her in an effortless bunch and bound- HI LIE!

[Waffles] Saunters up more leisurely - mrrrr

[Lie] - Hello Yaunfen, is your Mada home?  I'm trying to find somebody

[Yaunfen] Yep! They're at Castle Thunder! Talking to mom.

[Waffles] Sniffs at Cp-

[CP] Hisses at Waffles-

[Waffles] Show of teeth and pokes Cp with one toe of one huge paw-

[CP] Fury swats-

[Lie] - CP!

[Waffles] Thumps a paw down flat on Cp's head to knock him down-

[Yaunfen] Is circling several blocks away- Lie? Where's Big Fire?

[Lie] - Hm?  Oh, well he's catified and being a bit squished by your cat by the looks of it

[Waflles] Is roughly patting Cp with a playful expression-

[Yaunfen] Waffles!

[CP] Manages to escape and runs over to Lie, doing a butt wiggle to jump up on her shoulder-

[Lie] - Don't you dare

[Yaunfen] Leans down and tangles Cp up in hir whiskers- Hey Big Fire!

[CP] - Growls-

[Yaunfen] Mada said to tell you Offenderperson is here!

[CP] Freezes as does Lie-

[Lie] - I'm sorry Yaunfen...  Could you repeat that?

[Yaunfen] Offender is here? Splender came back too, with someone called Ringleader.

[Lie] - Okay then...  I'm going to go barricade myself in my room for the time being then

[Yaunfen] Be safe Lie! - Looks at Cp who's still slightly tangled-

[CP] Wants to follow Lie and pulls a little-

[Yaunfen] Lie? Does Big Fire need to go with you?

[Lie] - Yes!

[Yaunfen] Puts the cat down-

[CP] Darts off to follow Lie, a fire charge already building in his mouth just in case-

[Pinwheel] Is rather happily laying in a patch of sun in the workroom-

[Karla] Is tinkering curiously with the workroom crafting table.

[Pinwheel] Rolls onto her back with a bit of lip smacking, her tail swishing a little-

[Karla] Glances over with a small smile. - Deadly little dreamer...

[Splender] Teleports into the room, having heard from Alexsezia that Pinwheel was there- PINWHEEL!- He quickly scoops her up and is hugging her

[Pinwheel] Is very much awake now- Splendy no!  No!  No!  No!- Each no is punctuated with a bite

[Karla] Is understandably startled- You probably should not- Oh GODS!

[Splender] Just happily snuggles Pinwheel as she hisses-

[Ringleader] Runs in- Splendy not so fast!

[Karla] Do you need medical attention?! You should put her down!

[Splendy] - Hm?  Oh!  Hello!

[Karla] Composes herself - She's a rather sensitive creature, you shouldn't grab her like that.

[Splender] Laughs a little- Oh don't worry, I do this all the time!

[Pinwheel] - Splendy down!

[Splender] - Oh alright...  What happened to your scales?

[Karla] The little one ran away and got caught in the rain...

[Splender] - Oh Pinwheel...  Why didn't you go home?

[Pinwheel] Huffs-

[Karla] She had a disagreement with her friend Crim. Children get overwhelmed sometimes. It's hard being young.

[Splender] - Yes, I was there when it started, I unfortunately got called away for some business, but I trust she and Crim have made up and that's good

[Ringleader] - Awwww, she's gotten so much bigger the last time I saw you

[Karla] Yes, well enough. I don't believe we've met? I'm Dr. Karla Emmerich. Currently Lie's houseguest.

[Splender] - I'm Splenderman!  And this is my proxie Ringleader!  And this- He turns towards empty space and freezes

[Ringleader] - Yeah this is why I was yelling at you not to go so fast, I have no idea where your brother is

[Karla] Nice to meet you both... Brother?

[Ringleader] - Sexualoffenderman...  Should I go out and look for him sir?

[Splender] A bit ashamed- Yes please

[Karla] With a name like that he sounds like Hell on wheels.

[Ringleader] - Just don't take any roses and you'll be fine

[Karla] Laughs lightly - My playmate is more likely to come with a whip in his teeth and a pleading expression then flowers. Thank you for the warning though.

[Ringleader] Heads out to find Offender-

[Splender] Turns towards Pinwheel- Have you been a good girl while I've been gone?

[Pinwheel] - Don't care

[Karla] She's been calm and happy for the few hours we've spent together.

[Splender] - Wonderful!  Little biting?

[Karla] Just once, but I'm over it.

[Splender] - Oh dear, you didn't hit respawn did you?

[Karla] No, she'd spent her venom on the mobs. It's fine.

[Splender] - Oh dear, still, I'm sorry...

[Offender] Teleports in behind Splendy- There you are, ah, and the biting fuzzball

[Karla] Is this the aformentioned brother? I can see the resemblance in height.

[Splender] - Ah!  Yes!  Offender, this is Karla!  This is my brother Offender!

[Offender] - You can just call me Smexy

[Karla] Chuckles lightly- I like it! And the flasher coat. - She crosses one leg over the other, the light catching the shiny black leather on her feet and hands.

[Offender] His trademark grin spreads across his face- Oh I like her

[Karla] Most men do. Unless they fancy being able to tame me. - She lifts her chin to see him better and her massive chest scar and cleavage are easily visible from above.

[Pinwheel] - Hungry!

[Karla] Endrea left you some bottles. Give me a moment. - She gets up and brushes past Offender to open a trunk and retrieve the bottle of void energy-

[Offender] Lets a couple of his tendrils curl out only to have Pinwheel bite them- Ow!  Stop that fang face!

[Karla] How interesting... - She brings Pinwheel the bottle and tips it so she can drink from it.

[Pinwheel] Lets go of Offender to eat-

[Offender] - Yeah, slender beings like my little bro here and I all have tendrils

[Karla] I believe I've met your... oldest brother? Cp and I had a bit of fun, and he was kind enough to clean up after our mayhem. - across the room the Wunderwaffe seems to wake up and makes a few small happy electrical noises from the bed it's resting on.

[Offender] Chuckles again- Oh yah, that.  He griped a little bit, but that was more for show than anything else, he was almost playful when he got back

[Karla] That's an amusing thought in and of itself... - she tips the bottle a bit more, it's nearly empty. -Good Pinwheel. Get big and strong.

[Splender] - Doc said I could possibly ride her when she's full grown!

[Pinwheel] - No

[Karla] Diplomatically- I think that will take a lot more good parenting and patience. A young lady of such caliber doesn't let just... anyone ride her.

-Up in the main room the doors can be heard opening and closing-

[Lie] - Anyone home?

[Karla] Lie! You have company.

[Lie] Comes down into the workroom with CP following- Splender!  Glad to see you again!- She then notices Offender and stiffens

[CP] Begins growling at Offender-

[Karla] Now then Cp, we were just having a nice chat. Why so angry?

[Splender] - CP, you know Offender won't touch you or your mate, he knows how strong that bond is

[Offender] - Besides, your ass is too tiny right now to do anything too

[Karla] Off-handedly- Such things are easily adjusted, but it's innapropriate either way.

[Offender] - Oh I can adjust to fit just about anything, however...- He sniffs the air and turns towards Lie- Oh that smells delicious...  You're pregnant little lady...

[Karla] Indeed. She's the talk of the village. As far as we know, two Herobrines having a child is unprecidented.

[Lie] Is bright red-

[CP] Knowing Offender can hear him- Fuck off!

[Pinwheel] Finishes eating and licks her lips- I go find Cri now

[Karla] Are you sure Pinwheel? I could just try calling over the... chat? And see if anyone has seen him.

[Pinwheel] - Mmmmmmmm

[Karla] I think that might almost be a yes- She types a little and then waits for the words to come back-

[Buff] Over chat- I saw him out in the desert by the shrine miss. Only a little while ago.

[Karla] See? That was easy enough.

[Pinwheel] Takes off running-

[Splender] - Ah!  Pinwheel that was rude!

[Karla] She's just eagar to play with her friend some more. Her first friend. I wonder if I might be her second with time?

[Splender] Excitedly- Oh I hope so!

[Offender] - Calm down bro, your getting ahead of yourself again

[Lie] - I...  I think I'm going to go start on dinner...

[CP] Concerned mew-

[Splender] - Oh!  We should leave you to that then, don't want to be rude...

[Offender] - I like food

[Splender] - Come on, let's go brother, we'll get some food from Doc!- He starts pushing his brother out the door

[Karla] Watches them go with a little wave- Nice meeting you both.

[Lie] Lets out a very shaky breath and her body starts trembling a little-

[Karla] I take it 'smexy's' given name is not merely for show? You seem very upset Lie.

[Lie] - There...  There's some history...- She turns and removes her collar, her now very naked husband pulling her in close and smoothing her hair

[CP] - Shhh, it's alright...  I won't let him do anything

[Karla] Shamelessly takes a look at Cp's equiptment and makes the faintest snort before smiling.

[CP] Snarls at Karla a little-

[Lie] - I just...  He was in our home

[Karla] No shame Cp, it's a generous peg for what I imagine is a small square hole that's usually happy to invite it in. And he seemed well-contained by his more amiable sibling.

[CP] - He's lazy, that's what, but he terrifies Lie, and for good reason...

[Karla] I'm guessing he prefers his sexual partners to be random and unwilling?

[CP] - He doesn't care what they are, willing or unwilling, old or young, human or not

[Karla] Hence the name. Anyone would have every right to be terrified.

[CP] Glances down at Lie, as if asking her permission and she nods a little- He never actually attacked her, but she witnessed him taking a victim, we think that may be what led Insanity to choosing her as a suitable mate...

[Karla] That explains a lot, you're decently well matched but it still seemed a random choice for something fated.

[CP] Shrugs a little as Lies shaking starts to die down- Either way, she's mine

[Karla] And you are her's. I think that's just as important. From everything I've heard she's been quite a good influence on you.

[CP] - Whatever, I need to get dressed, Lie, are you okay now?

[Lie] - Yeah, I should be fine now...

[CP] Nods and teleports to their room to get dressed-

[Steve] Is whistling cheerfully as he makes steaks in a furnace by the water-

[TLOT] Is making a fish stew on top of the same furnace - I could use maybe... Two more?

-There's a commotion in the water as the golden dragon breaches and goes chasing after a fish-

[Yaunfen] is doing a little dance for Deerheart. Xe has a sprig of smoke berries in one hand and is trailing the particle effects everywhere.

[Deer] Smiles happily and is encouraging Yaunfen-

[Splender] Is approaching with Offender and Ringleader-

[TLOT] Signals to Doc-

[Doc] Surfaces with a fish in hir mouth and makes for the shore with just the top of hir head and mane showing.

[Yaunfen] Does a couple of graceful leaps and then stumbles a bit, breaking a rough stone block to nothing with their feet- whoops!

[Splender] - Are you okay Yaunfen?

[Deer] Goes to help Yaunfen up

[Yaunfen] Yeah- the smoke berries fell on the ground and some of them squished, making a bit of ground fog- two feet are just harder then four. Pfft!

[Splender] Laughs- This is true!

[Doc] Rises up like a sea monster from the water and tosses TLOT the fish- did you find Pinwheel?

[Splender] - Oh yes! She was at Lies place!

[Ringleader] Looking at Yaunfen- Awww, you've grown so much too!

[Yaunfen] Blinks at her for a moment- I know you... I think? - tiny tail swish-

[Doc] You were pretty little when you met her. This is Ringleader, Splender's proxy.

[Ringleader] - You had just learned how to say Mada when I last saw you

[Yaunfen] Really?

[Doc] Leans down and gives them a little bump with hir snoot- You were super cute then and you still are.

[Yaunfen] Yee! Mada. - smiles-

[Steve] Foods done. Anybody hungry?

[Offender] - Oh hell yes!

[Steve] Looks slightly unnerved by Offender but gamely starts passing out steak and warm bread and bowls of fish chowder.

[Doc] Shifts down to join them. It's a lovely day and a few touchies are buzzing lazily in the garden.

[Offender] Takes the food offered and swallows it in one go-

[Splender] - Of thank you Steve

[Yaunfen] Pulls out a full block of end sponge cake and starts nomming happily-

[Steve] shaky- There's more....

[TLOT] Passes a roast chicken and a baked potato from his inventory to Offender. His expression changes slightly as he brushes the Slenders hand-

[Offender] - Cool

[Splender] - Brother, don't eat all of their food!

[Doc] It's okay Splender, I can access creative easily. So we've always got plenty of basic meat and vegetable stuff.

[TLOT] Tilts his head slightly before addressing Offender- Your mind is quiet.

[Splender] - Yes, but you've seen my innards, his are the same

[Offender] - My mind is what?

[TLOT] It's quiet, clear almost. When Cp punched Lj and he retreated into his box, who found it?

[Doc] Is listening intently because of TLOT's tone-

[Offender] - I did, why?

[TLOT] You touched it, didn't you?

[Steve] You mean he's...?

[Offender] - Well yeah, how else was I supposed to get his box home

[Ringleader] - I'm confused...

[TLOT] Yes. He's clean.

[Doc] Okay, I feel about 1000% better hearing that.

[Yaunfen] You don't have the crazy lady!

[Steve] Wow!

[TLOT] Your Insanity was purged the moment you touched it. I understand that Slender beings aren't as controlled by her as normal creepypastas, but it still makes a difference.

[Offender] - Eh, never heard from her much anyways

[Doc] Well if someone has godlike powers it's always good to know they won't suddenly go bananas because someone looked at them funny. I adopted a dragon form partly because I wanted one and partly because I needed to be big in order to subdue Cp whenever he got out of hand. I spent a lot of time with him actively on fire in my coils while I tried to talk him down.

[Offender] Laughs at the mental image-

[Doc] Had to sit on him a few times too. And thankfully TLOT can use his powers to pin people in place.

[Offender] - Eh, everyone has their tricks

[Steve] Glances at his feet and smiles very slightly-

[Yaunfen] I can be heavy! Mama and I have been practicing. - so proud-

[Doc] Heavy?

[Deer] Sputters- Yaunfen! That was going to be a surprise!

[Yaunfen] But I can kinda do it! ... Sorry mama.

[Doc] What's this all about?

[Deer] Sighs- We've been practicing Yaunfen's powers on the candy seed and were going to surprise you with them once they got good

[Yaunfen] I can be stubborn as fuck! Just like Big Fire!

[Doc] Why does that worry me?

[Splender] - Yaunfen, that's not a nice word

[Doc] But it was one of the first they learned. So it's okay.

[Splender] - If you say so...

[Yaunfen] Moves a little bit away and shapeshifts back to a dragon. They're decently large and pad over to Splender- Try and move me! I'm like bedrock!

[Splender] - Okay!- He stands and proceeds to try and lift Yaunfen

[Yaunfen] Streches a little in the middle like a sleepy cat but the feet stay firmly on the ground. - That tickles!

[Offender] Grins a little, a tendril slinking along the ground-

[Splender] Keeps trying-

[Yaunfen] Is being shoved around a little but not moved. The dirt under them is looking a bit crumbly. - hehehe!

[Offender] Suddenly tickled both Yaunfen and Splender-

[Splender] Shrieks in laughter and let's go of Yaunfen- Brother!

[Yaunfen] Goes suddenly down so they're standing with one foot each in a one block hole- whoops! That's cheating! HEHEHHEHE!

[Offender] - Nah, it's called having fun kid

[Yaunfen] Uses their tail tip to tickle Offenders ribs- Sneaky!

[Offender] Retaliated with more tendrils-

[Yaunfen] Rolls over laughing-

[TLOT] Well at least they're playing nice.

[Ringleader] - Yeah, all of them get subdued around Splender

[Steve] He is a really nice guy.

[TLOT] Good neighbor too. - glances in the direction of Mb's house.

[Ringleader] - Is everything alright?

[TLOT] Eh, just a brine with an attitude. He was given to us to save him from being deleted. MasterHerobrine. He's been quieter since we gave him a dragon to raise but he still likes to fight. Reminds me of Cp now and again.

[Ringleader] - I see...

[Splender] Finally gets enough tendrils out to tickle Offender back-

[Yaunfen] Is pouncing and playing and acidently drops a tablet from their inventory.

[Ringleader] - Hm? What's this?- She picks up the tablet

[Doc] Is too fixated on Yaunfen playing to notice.

[TLOT] Looks at her- that? It looks like a painting maybe? Try putting it on a flat surface.

[Ringleader] Looks around before approaching the wall of the castle and pressing the tablet there-

-The image springs up. It's a healed zombie pig woman. She's lovely and dressed like a tribal princess. Behind her are images of dinosaurs. She seems to be almost pleading, reaching out with one hand from the picture. -

[TLOT] Goes absolutely white and still - I... remember... Zaya... oh gods...

[Steve] Runs to him- what is it???

[Yaunfen] Stops playing - oh no! TLOT?

[Doc] Comes to look as well- What's wrong???

[TLOT] Starts to cry and wipes his tears on his cloak edge-

[Steve] I don't understand.. OH GODS. - He's seeing the memory in TLOT's mind-

[TLOT] How could I forget...?

[Splender] He and Offender stop playing- No, don't cry, sadness doesn't taste good...

[Yaunfen] Don't cry TLOT.

[Doc] What happened? Who is she?

[TLOT] I... need to sit down... - He takes a few steps away and flops on a stair block, shaking his head-

[Steve] Is still reeling-

[Doc] Dammit, of all the times not to have some of Lie's flowers.

[Splender] - I could go get some

[Yaunfen] Scrabbles at the picture, taking it down and putting it away. -I'm sorry!

[Doc] If you want, it might help-

[Splender] Teleports away-

[Ringleader] - No, I'm sorry, I put it up...

[Deer] - TLOT, what's wrong?

[TLOT] It's so vivid... At least parts of it. She was.. someone important? My NOTCH... Revenge, he destroyed her in front of me...

[Steve] Yaunfen! Where did you get that?

[Yaunfen] I found it! I sifted it out of gravel! And fixed it with the anal-lyser.

[Doc] Where did the gravel come from?

[Yaunfen] Notch gave it to me.

[Doc] You mean Markus, right?

[Yaunfen] Uh-huh!

[Doc] How in the world...?

[Deer] - The leak... The mods from TLOT's seed are leaking into the others...

[Doc] So... we have artifacts now?

[Deer] - Maybe?

[TLOT] Mutters- There was a man there too... with a face like a.. wolf?

[CP] Teleports in with Lie-

[Lie] - TLOT?

[Yaunfen] I've found all kinds of stuff....

[TLOT] Is still shaken and teary-

[Steve] He suddenly remembered part of something terrible our NOTCH did....

[Lie] Nods in understanding before spawning calming blossoms-

[TLOT] Makes eye contact with Cp, and in that moment he also sees the memory. The woman standing firm and defiant despite being weaponless and being suddenly cut down by the misty form of TLOT's NOTCH. Her screams are terrible and his overwhelming fear and anger in that moment is sour and consuming.

[CP] Growls, the memory reminding him off what happened to his mobs-

[TLOT] Swallows hard. Reaching down to tangle his fingers in Lie's calming flowers-

[Steve] Wraps his arms around his husband as if to protect him-

[Doc] His NOTCH has such a long shadow... even dead...

[Lie] - Then we simply need to be brighter

[Doc] Adds hir arms to the hug- It's okay... it's over.

[TLOT] I need to know. Somehow... what happened... This hole in my mind is maddening sometimes.

[Yaunfen] Slinks over, laying their snout against his shoe-

[Splender] Teleported back and gives a burst of happy energy-

[TLOT] Lets it roll over him like cool water, and sighs, calming down.

[TLOT] Thank you... Sorry to bring everyone down. And Yaunfen, I'm not mad, but you need to let me know if you find anything else.

[Doc] Burst of guilt and a guarded expression-

[Lie] - It's okay, that's what we're here for- She's a bit nervous being so close to Offender

[Doc] Moves back a little-

[Deer] - Doc?

[Doc] Yes?

[Yaunfen] Also looks guilty

[CP] - The fuck is wrong with you?

[TLOT] Looks at them as well with narrowed eyes- What do you have?

[Doc] It's nothing!

[CP] - Doc you are surrounded by psychics

[Doc] quiet- fuck...

[Yaunfen] Mada cussed.

[CP] - Is there something you want to share?

[Doc] Not really?

[CP] Teleports behind Doc and grabs them- What is it?

[Lie] - CP...

[Doc] YIKES! Not so hard!

[TLOT] Doc what. do. you. have?

[Doc] Eh... I kinda.. found a tablet too....

[CP] - Show us

[TLOT] resigned- Let me see it.

[Doc] Fine... you won't like it though. - Xe pulls out the tablet and holds it out as much as xe can for TLOT to take.

[TLOT] He puts it against the castle wall and gasps-

-The painting is much bigger and shows a silhouette with glowing eyes and the shape of his own helm standing small at the apex of a giant pile of human bones and corpses. Behind him is the shadowy form of his NOTCH looming menacingly with his titanic head in the clouds. -

[CP] - Shit...

[TLOT] I....

[Doc] I hid it because I didn't want you to be upset...

[Steve] All my brothers...

[Lie] - Oh TLOT...

[TLOT] So quietly- I just.. didn't want to be alone...

[Yaunfen] But you didn't hurt them! It's not your fault!

[Doc] We understand TLOT... Loneliness can drive one mad... Mine almost killed me.

[CP]  - We've all been there

[TLOT] Its the not knowing that makes it even worse...

[Lie] - But at least you can remember.  It may take time, but I'm certain you will

[Doc] if the evidence exists maybe we should be looking for it? Cp... Where is all the dirt you removed to make the cage? If it's boxed it would likely have been sitting at ground zero of the leak for quite some time.

[CP] - I don't remember

[Lie] - Wouldn't the block under the seed be ground zero?  It's been in direct contact with the seed for a longer amount of time

[Doc] Yes... But sifting destroys the blocks. I was trying not to use anything that would be missed. I didn't want to tear up the floor in Cps build either. And speaking of Cp, can you put me down please?

[CP] Drops Doc- I can look for the blocks...

[Lie] - But I may have used them to fill in places...

[Doc] ow... That would be helpful.  I Don't want to make a giant hole someplace taking too many blocks away.

[Lie] - If there are still any they would be in my store room

[Yaunfen] We're gonna sift stuff? That's a good way to find treasures!

[Lie] - We could head over now?

[Doc] TLOT? Are you going to be okay?

[TLOT] I'll live. I'm going to stay here though.

[Steve] Me too.

[CP] Goes to pick Lie up again-

[Doc] Deerheart my love? It looks like we're going to go play in the dirt for a bit. Wish us luck.

[Deer] - Good luck

[Doc] checks on Offender and Ringleader and Splender- Splender? Are you okay? Maybe show Offender around the seed a bit?

[Splender] - Sure!

[Doc] Take him to the library for sure. I think he'd get a kick out of the second floor in particular...

[Splender] - Second floor?

[Ringleader] - Come on Splendy, let's go

[Yaunfen] That's where all the books for tall people are!

[Steve] They mean adults...

[Yaunfen] That's what I said! Tall people. And Splender is a super adult because he's so tall.

[Splender] - Awwww, You are so adorable Yaunfen

[Doc] What about Gk? Hes old but short.

[Yaunfen] grimaces-I've seen him eat a booger. He's not an adult.

[Offender] - What about me?  I'm shorter then Splendy

[Yaunfen] Gives him a calculating look- mmmm tall enough.

[Splender] Laughs-

[CP] Just starts walking off with Lie-

[jerrysmithsexy12-blog]

Jerry :( I'm sad, something really depressing happened earlier and I need your help cheering me up.

ok please enjoy this. :)

JERRY X READER FANFIC

——

Your name is (Your First Name) Bungalow Bill… and your the sexiest mother fucker on this street. every day your just so sexy that you have to cover all your mirrors. your orbs is (your eyecolor) and your strands are (your haircolor)

One day youre just taking a swim in the lake downtown. Just swimming all around in there with your pecs and swimming down and grabbing trouts in your bare hands. You hear a little something and you look around. You don’t see anything but then you keep looking… And. You see… someone drownding…

your legs go fast and your arms to fast and you swim to them. you pick their body up out of the water noting how buff it is… and ripped. Your blushing cause well you just think thats so handsome. you pull the man out of the water and hold him above. He coughs up water and blood and he looks at you with those big sexy marbles (eyes)

His wet brown lock curls and strands are on his head. “Hi thank you” he says handsomely, his voice like a speedrun of darksouls 2. “I’m Jerry… Jerry smith. thank you for rescuing me my prince…”

Your just so embarassed and you swuirm around. “Ahhh!!!! X_X 0mg Lol… anything for you bigboy… Glad i could help baby boy.” your so sweaty and your shoes are so small on your feet. You take off your shirt cause its so hot and reveal a tattoo of vegeta.

Jerry sees this and his eyes go blind of love. “Omg… I know you… Are you by any chance BungyChungyBill62 on ao3?!” he screams. “Yes” Uou say firmly back. “Oh my god i love your vegeta fanfics so much he is just so smexy am i right?!” he says. You smile proudly. “I agree.”

Papa J stands up and brushes off his shirt. “Well i should probably get going soon i have to go back home and cook dinner for my children” he holds up a fish that he caught in the water. “Those babys are gonna love this. Just kidding they hate all my meals and I’m alone”

You both chuckle and laugh at that funny joke!

You part ways and go back to your apartment where you sigh dreamily. Jerrey….. Oh he was so epic. but now that you have tasted perfection, what does life matter? you sit on your couch and play super monkey ball until you pass out at 6 am.

—–

The Next Morning

you wake up and take out your laptop and look at it. you have 3 new private messages. one is a continuation of your teen titans go roleplay thread. one is from your boss telling you that youre fired. and one… is from Jerry

“Hi (your name). Do you want to come camping with me this weekend, we have 6 pairs of hiking boots and there is only 5 of us in my family. I need to repay you for saving my life. Please respond. Love Jerry”

you fcking type “Yes” into the keyboard so good and you hit send. You are so excited you go to Walmart and you buy fishing line and bug spray and a whole canoe and you go home and knit yourself a sweater and it says “I LOVE JERRY” on it and you wear it.

-/——-

the next day

you hear honcking of a car outside and you go out there and see Jerry waving from his car. you take your suitcase and you go out there so fast and you see him. “Hi (name)? my family is so happy to see you are coming” he says. “guys this is the man who saved my life. ”

They are all playig magikarp jump and they dont say hi or look at you

“Haha well you know how it is” he says sexily. Everything about him is so tender and strong. “Hop in the trunk sorry we have no other room” he says and he gets out of the car and helps you into the trunk. You lay down in there and he kisses your forehead and closes it down and you just play your 3ds in there for a few hours

On the way there they stop and you get out cause you are all going in to get food on the way from McDonald’s. you step out and stretch and Jerry and you all go in.

You decide to talk to his family. “hi are you jerrys wife?” you say to Beth.“ unfortunately LOL” she says. Your so mad and angry. Beth goes to the counter. “uhhh can i get a. Fucking large Coke and 3 tomattos and a cookie and a salad and crotons and just a little Oreo mcflurry yes that will be all” she says. When she isnt looking you take her Coke and you put 10 salt packets into it.

Next you talk to morty he is just sitting at a table tying his shoes. “Hi morty jerrys son? I’ve heard so much about you” you say. Jerry didn’t tell you anything about him but also I forgot you have mind reading powers and you just know. morty looks up at you and he says “yeah” and he takes off his shoelaces and throws them in the garbage and takes off his shoes and throws them in the garbage cause he does not know how to tie them.

now youre talkig to summer. she is skyping with her boyfriend. “And so then they all shoot the ancient minister and his cape catches on fire and its fucking rob!!!!!Oh hold on one second. Hi what do you want” she says. “Oh hi summer just…… well just saying hi cause we are camping together. Are you having fun” “no” she says. “Ok well… maybe i have something for you…” you reach into your suitcase and just pull out a book. it says WARRIORS volume 1. you hand it to her. “try reading this bitch.” “Ok maybe i will bitch!!!!”

You walk up to their grabdpa Rick. “Hi Rick.” you say. “Dontever talk to me again” he says and he takes a real gun out of his pocket and shoots you

You wake up in the trunk of the car and walk back into McDonald’s. They are all eating their nuggets. “Ok there you are you died for a little bit there” they say. Jerry takes your hand. (your name) please come in the play place with me" he says. “Ok” you say and you both go in the McDonald’s play place and you have a fun time on the slide playing tag

When you are done you go back in the trunk and go to the campsite. When you get there you get out and breathe in the fresh air and 4 mosquitos. “Ahh… The fresh air” you say… “Boy do I love camping” you say and you take your suitcase and open it up and just chug one of those bottles of bug spray.

Jerry comes up to you. He has a headband that says JERRY RULES on it and he is wearing a shirt with Dwayne the rock Johnson smiling and giving a thumbs up. he is wearing very short shorts and sandles with socks and fingerless gloves and eyeshadow and blue lipstick. He winks at you. “Are you ready to have some fun” he says. You do a little dance. “Oppa gangnam style yes i am Jerry!” You are wearing skinny jeans, your I love Jerry sweater, a wolf hat because your fursona is a wolf, high heels, and a ripped vest with fake plastic crystals on the back.

You and jerry help set up the tent whole beth and summer just drink mountain dew and no one knows where rick and morty are. when you have finished setting up the tent there are 2 wasp nests in there and you are very scared. “Kyaaa…” you squeal and hide behind Jerry. “oh no need to fear (YOUR NAME HERE) they dont call me Jerry for a reason” he said. he Walks in there and just rips off the wasp nests in his bare hands and eats them and you see him grow slightly larger as he does. He turns to you and winks. You fall over and faint

When you wake up you are in the tent. it’s pretty dark out. you go outside and morty is on fire and everyone is roasting marshmallows on him. “oh hi (name) you sure sleep a lot and die a lot!” says Jerry and they all kek and laugh together. You blush in embarrassment. Jerry walks over to you handsomely. “Hi motherfucker do you want to take a walk and play pokemon go” he asks. You pull your phone out of your (your area of choice) “Yes” you say. both of you hold hands and start walking down the dark streets.

You can see illuminated from the fires that people are having. And also Jerry is giving off a faint glow. “Wow Jerry… you’re so beautiul tonight” you say bash fully. He smiles. “Yeah I know” he whispers. “Want to go somewhere cool?” he asks. “Yes” you say and dab.

Jerry and you go deep into the woods. “Jerry I csnt see anything” you say. “Oh one moment.” He grunts hard and focuses. Hundreds of fireflies come flying over to him and land on him and he is glowing now. You are amazed and crying. “Jerry I have to say something…” you say. “I’m in love with you!”

Jerry gasps and puts a hand up to his face and he swallows some fireflies accidentally. “Oh (your name)! I’m in love with you too!”

you both lean in… but then suddenly… a green portal opens behind you. some ricks come out and one of them pushes Jerry off a cliff and he dies. “Ahhhhhhh my beautiful Jerry!!! you… you mother fuckers will pay…” you say and flex hard. You start transforming into your beast form. Your hands get long and your ears get wolf ears. Your teeth become sharp and your eyes are glowing red and you are shacking. But before you can do anything a tranquilizer dart is shot into your back and you can’t see and you fall asleep.

————

You wake up in a brightly colored room well its white. It’s space jail and you are in it and to your right is a big buff space man and he looks so mean and weird. “where am i…?” you moan and you look around. Then a tv comes down and a Rick is on the tv.

“Ok so we thought you were gonna be Beth lol” he says. “we didnt excepet jerry to be kissing some stranger in the woods but i guess thats just fucken jerry bitch!!!!! Anyways we cant let you go now cause we found a rare mineral in your body. in 2 days we will harvest it and you will die sorry.” and he hangs up

You collapse to the floor and start crying and bawling. Why does this happen to you? “Jerry…” you cry out. “I want your hot and sweet tender loins to come and hold me…”

“Oh really?” a voice says. You recognise that voice… Its Jerry. But he is not here! Then the alien to the left of you takes off its mask and it is Jerry. “Hi motherfucker” he says.

“OH JERRY!!!!!” you scream and run into his arms. “oh Jerry I thought you were DEAD!!!” you whisper loudly. and kiss his little eyelashes. “Oh I was. but I respawned then.” he says. “and now I’m gonna get you out of here bich!!!!”

He raises a hand above him and starts screaming. The entire prison you are locked in is turned into minecraft blocks. he absorbs them all and quickly crafts a spaceship for you to fly in. You both get in. “Hey you can’t do that what are you doing!!!!” Some ricks scream… But your flying just so much. And you go.

—–////–

You arrive back at the campground in the morning. you both step out. “Jerry what the fuck” says everyone at once. you are so glad to be back on earth.

Then Jerry collapsed onto the ground. “J… Jerry…? what’s wrong…?” you ask and get on your knees to feel his forehead. He is getting sick.

“I can’t survive this long without… Nutrients…” he whimpers. “I need the earth and wood and grass to survive im running out of time” he says his eyes fading away.

You grab some dirt and wood chips and put them in his mouth. he eats them. “yum… thank you…” he says softly. “But. I’m afraid it’s too late…”

His body goes limp.

“Ah Jerry…! No!!!!!!!!!” you scream and you put your lips to jerrys and Kiss him. He starts to glow and you are kissing and he rises up and he is glowing and he suddenly had a Beaitiful white suit on and he is alive.

“Oh (your name) you brought me back…! To life…!” he says and he hugs you. “thank you the power of LOVE saved me” he says crying. Your also crying. “Oh Jerry I love you so much you are so ripped and handsome and muscular and stronf and desirable and underrated and underappreciated…” you both embrace and kiss.

“Honey” says jery to Beth. “I think… I need to see someone else.”

“ok” says Beth. “we have been divorced for 3 years Jerry.”

“haha lol!” you all have a good laugh and slap your knees and you and Jerry are glowing and kissing and you both combine and melt into each other and fuse into one big buff man.

——- EPILOGUE ——–

You now enjoy your life as a fusion perfectly happy and married and you go around giving warrior cat books to people to get them hooked on warriors.

summer also is a cat now cause she loves them so much she asked Rick to turn her into one.

Beth is single and she is loving her life she is strong and goes on dates and she brings horses to life.

Morty hasnt worn shoes in 7 years. That’s ok though he is working on it.

Rick is exactly the same but he wears eyeliner now.

—– THE END ——