#please read trigger warning

[youkissedareaderinthedark]

Coraline

Synopsis: Y/n’s childhood and history with her parents has always stayed a secret, and she likes it that way. Until a journalist reveals the truth, and everything seems to come crashing down at once.

young female driver reader x 2023 F1 grid

A/N: a few things for this fic: reader will be 20 years old, had driven for alpha tauri since the beginning of 2022, the 2022 is the same as the 2023 grid, and please look at the trigger warning below.

Trigger Warning: This fic contains abusive parents, talks of eating disorders, neglecting a kid, verbally abusing a kid, signs of depression, and a lot of hurtful comments in general. This fic is not meant to idolize or romanticize having abusive parents or depression. If anyone finds anything particularly disturbing with this fic, do not hesitate to let me know and I will fix it.

tagged: @treehouse-mouse

2023 was supposed to be a good season for Alpha Tauri. The cars looked good, your driver pairing was solid, and the hopes were high for your junior Red Bull team. You could only laugh at the naivety of it now.

Most of the season was exceptional; you and Yuki Tsunoda brought in points almost every weekend, your team was seventh in the constructors championship, and overall, you were having a great time traveling around the world.

This was your second year in Formula 1, and now that you weren’t a rookie anymore, you could have more fun now that you knew what you were doing.

Some people just don’t like others being happy, though.

With less than 10 races left, you walked into the paddock for the Monza Grand Prix Thursday afternoon feeling optimistic. This was the second race after the summer break, and Alpha Tauri was expected to do well in Italy.

Your press officer, Ally, greeted you in your garage, and after saying hello to Yuki, you followed her out of the garage and into the media pen for a press conference.

You walk in to see Lewis, Carlos, Lando, and Fernando and talked quietly with them as the press in front of you get settled. “Everybody ready? All right, first question please” One of the directors asks, as a journalists speaks up.

“Lewis, you’ve witnessed the infamous ‘Monza Curse’ multiple times in your career, do you think the theory is true and will it strike again this year?”

“Um, no” Lewis chuckles. “I don’t believe in the curse, but it would be nice to see someone new finish first today, and if a curse is what it’s going to take, then yeah, why not”

The five of you laugh, not noticing the second journalist beginning to speak. “Y/n, what do you have to say about the recent article published regarding your past with your family?”

You instantly stop laughing, hoping you misheard the man.

“Sorry?”

There’s no way

“The article? That was recently published concerning your past with your parents, what do you have to say about it?” The journalist stared at you curiously while your mind blanked for an answer.

You had no idea what article he was talking about, but if it concerned your past with your ‘family’, you knew it wasn’t anything that should be published.

Suddenly there’s movement in the midst of the media pen, and your press officer emerges from the crowd. “Y/n, come with me” She pauses, seeing one of the directors nearing out of the corner of her eye.

“It’s urgent, I need her” You’d take any excuse to get away from the current situation, so after exchanging a look with Lewis, you follow the woman into the paddock towards your garage.

Once you were both in the safety of your drivers room, you turned on her. “What article is he talking about? What’s going on?” You said, voice heavy with concern.

Ally hesitated, looking uncomfortable, before answering. “This morning, an article published a story talking about you and your parents, and the-um, harsh history you have with them” She hands you her phone, said article already open.

“I think it’s better if you read it yourself” The bold letters blink up at you, clear and sullen.

“F1 DRIVERS UNCOVERED: THE REAL REASON WE DON’T SEE Y/N L/N’S PARENTS”

Your heart falls to your stomach and your hands start to shake as your eyes skim over the words of the most invading and overwhelming article you’ve ever read in your life. Whoever wrote this, wrote it in hopes of exposing every secret of your past, and further tangles the truth of an already over-complicated background.

The real reason your parents are never around you is a reason you hate talking about.

You first realized it when you were around ten years old, the way your parents never looked happy around each other, and always tense around other parents. The way they never said ‘I love you’ or kissed each other goodbye. It confused you, as these were the things you always saw your friend’s parents do, but you were too young to understand at the time, so you mainly ignored it.

It wasn’t until one night when you were eleven that you heard an argument erupting from your kitchen, one about money and divorces and you. The shouting continued for ages, until you heard one statement, loud and clear.

“Think about this, she’s getting good in those karting competitions of hers, and according to other parents she could go really far in this thing and get money from sponsorships and mentors. So let’s just give it a little time, make sure she gets better and gets paid, and the money will go to us and eventually she’ll leave to Formula- whatever and we won’t have to worry about her”

You put your pillow over your head, turned around, and went to sleep sobbing that night.

From then on, there was no ‘I love you’s’ or kisses goodbye even to you, and eventually, no happiness in your house. The ‘other parents’ were right, the older you got, the farther you looked to go in racing. Just before you turned 13, the three of you moved to a city in England so you could pursue karting further, and that’s when it all got worse.

You competed in countless competitions, and every race you won, the more criticism you got from your mom and dad. The second you stepped off the 1st place podium, your parents were waiting to comment on your driving and the techniques you should’ve used to win.

They never let you focus on anything but karting, letting you go nowhere but the track and to school, and made sure you were always looking for ways to get better. They ruthlessly compared you to kids in other series that were performing better than you, and countered every compliment someone gave you with a complaint.

All of this seemed like a dream compared to the treatment you got when you lost. Whether it be second, or tenth, every race you didn’t come first in was a loss, and your parents simply didn’t accept this.

When you lost, they’d make you practice on track for twice as long, no matter the weather, and berated you the second you started to complain. They limited your diet after your losses, claiming you needed to be lighter if you wanted the kart to go faster.

Your mother and father gave you this relentless attention with anything regarding racing, but the moment the topic drifted, you were neglected. There were no family dinners or movie nights, if you wanted something, you were going to have to buy it with your own money, and if you wanted to go somewhere, you needed to walk or find a ride because they refused to drive you anywhere if it wasn’t for a race.

There was no other family to go to even when things go impossibly rougher; you had no other relatives in the UK, and you couldn’t exactly ask your friends if you could live with them.

So you endured these conditions, all the way through the F4 British Championship, F3 and F2. You turned 18 while you were in Formula 2, and the second you did, you took the little money you had, and rented an apartment in South England, where you’ve been living ever since.

Your parents constantly contacted you in whatever ways they could, but you very quickly made sure they didn’t know where you lived and were never given paddock passes again. No one knows any of this anyway; when people ask where your parents are or when they’d get to meet them, you just shrug and say, “they couldn’t make it”

You haven’t seen your parents in person since you were 17, and you’ve done everything in your power to keep it like that.

Though with a few thousand words and 4 hours, one nosy journalist has managed to unravel all your work and growth and release it into the world.

You’re broken out of your stunned silence when Ally puts a hand on your shoulder. “I’ve set up a meeting with Alpha Tauri and Red Bull’s PR managers so we could figure out what we should do next to keep the press off your back, okay? The meeting’s in fifteen meetings, so I’ll leave you for a while”

Ally takes her phone back and exits the room to leave you standing still in the middle of it, astonished and speechless.

The meeting goes as well as you expected it to go. You shared as much as the truth as you saw fit, and came up with a statement to post with the rest of the PR managers. You were confirmed to go back to the media pen to finish interviews an hour later, and while no one asked you about the article, you could tell it was the unanswered question they all wanted to raise.

You are able to avoid most of the press of the remaining of the Italian weekend, and stuck to answering race-related questions only, your safest and only option, Ally told you later. You finished the Grand Prix P10, and flew home still sullen.

You spent the two weeks in between Monza and Japan in your apartment, regretfully thinking about all those years you had to spend under your parent’s treatment, and trying to forget them with simulator work.

You arrive in Suzuka, quiet and unsmiling, and try to ignore the shouting of the press that greets you on your way into the paddock. Ally guides you away as two new voices greet you.

“Hey Y/n, how are you?” Lewis asks, pulling you into a side hug and stepping into place beside you.

“Are you okay? You seem off” Charles says concerned, meeting you in a handshake.

“I’m fine, my flight just got in late last night so I’m tired, that’s all” You half smiled in response, hoping it was believable enough.

“Sure?” Lewis presses father. “Yeah, I’m okay” You nod.

“Okay, well, we’re still going into the city after media today?” Lewis asks. “Of course, I’ll meet you guys at my hotel after” You assure as you near the Alpha Tauri garage.

“See you then, and try to sleep a bit, yes?” Charles says before the two men walk off together.

Your friendship with the two drivers started because of the Spanish and British Grand Prix’s, the two races that gave you your two highest race finishes, and ended with two of your closest friends. Spain was a great race for both you and Lewis, yourself in P4, him in P2, and after non-stop talking in the paddock, you flew back to the UK together, effectively starting the friendship existing today.

You’d been friendly with Charles previously, but after his P9 finish in Silverstone and your P5 finish, he realized in a conversation before an interview that you were undeniably good at cheering people up, and you guys have been close since.

You’ve talked with them since Monza, of course, but not about the article. They want to talk to you about it, you can tell, but Charles and Lewis aren’t the type of people to just come right out and ask if you’re feeling okay about your history with your abusive parents being exposed to the world.

They also don’t want to pressure you into talking about something you clearly don’t want to talk about, so if all they can do is help distract you from the media, they’re going to.

Your night out with the Mercedes and Ferrari drivers does distract you; Lewis leads you and Charles to different shops and restaurants all over Suzuka, talking and laughing the entire time. You take a few photos along the way, and you go back to your hotel still smiling.

You kept your good mood until qualifying on Saturday, and are brought back into the reality of racing when you only manage P11. It’s technically not bad of a result for your car, but P9 or P8 would’ve been better right now, because all you can think about is what your parents would’ve said if you finished P11.

They’re paying you millions of dollars to race for them and the best you can do is eleventh?

You think you deserve to be here?

They are hundreds of other drivers that would do so much better than you

You are nothing compared to the other drivers

You’re lucky if you keep you seat next season, I know I wouldn’t let a P11 driver on my team

You go quiet at the thought, and get through post-race media stoic. You leave with your trainer as soon as you can, avoiding Lewis and Charles’s eyes on your way out. You have a week before you have to leave for Qatar, and spend a countless amount of hours on your simulator, hoping this time it’ll make a difference.

You flew into Lusail not knowing what to expect other than hot weather, and unfortunately you were right. You felt the heat as soon as you got in your car for FP1 on Friday and was already dreading the rest of the weekend.

You qualify P11 for both the race and the sprint, and end up in P12 for the two. You felt terrible after Sunday’s race, both physically and mentally, and you’re already berating yourself for your performance by the time you get weighed.

Charles and Lewis are in your post-race press conference group, and you can see them exchange a look after every cold and detached answer you give. You only stop to talk to your friends for a few minutes afterwards before you excuse yourself to go cool down, and leave minutes later with the defense of needing rest.

You fly back to the UK with Lewis, and you’re glad the two of you are asleep for most of the trip so Lewis won’t ask you to talk about why you’ve been so quiet.

The 10 days you have until you fly out to Austin are spent mostly on your phone, looking at all the comments people have been making about you since the article came out, saying how you probably deserved the treatment that you got, and how Alpha Tauri needs a more “stable” driver if they want to advance in the championship.

You don’t do much except exercise and train on the sim in those days, finding neither the desire or energy to do anything else.

Even though everyone is happy to be in Texas that week, you can’t find the energy to truly smile once that weekend. Charles and Lewis are practically stuck to your side, and even though you can tell they’re dying to ask you to talk about it, they only ask a few times if you wanted to tell them something, and when you denied, and simply offered companionship through silence.

It’s another sprint race, and you only pull off P12 and 13 for qualifying and the shootout, and drop a place by the end of both races.

You feel more frustrated with yourself than ever; you don’t understand why you can’t work with the car like you once used to, and you can’t even figure out how to again. You were doing so well until that fucking article came out, and all the sudden you don’t know how to drive.

The worst part about it is that every race, more and more people are realizing how you’ve been under-performing, and how people are starting to question your ability to drive for the junior Red Bull team.

You aren’t stupid, you know how things work at Red Bull, so you know that if you don’t pick your pace up soon, you could end up without a seat for the 2024 season.

This thought alone starts to destroy you, and soon you can’t even deny how burnt out you are. You pick up on the forced habit of not eating much, and making yourself to do nothing but train and look for ways to be better.

You spend the days before Mexico with data analysts and strategists, looking for any and every way to go faster. You dedicate too much time looking at successful F2 drivers, hearing Liam Lawson’s name come up too much for comfort, thinking about how Dennis Hauger had been looking fast in F2.

It’s a terribly unhealthy time killer, one that makes you look sick and go quiet. Charles and Lewis aren’t the only ones exchanging concerned looks now; multiple other drivers on the grid, friends with you or not, notice the change in your behavior and quickly grow worried when they hear Yuki’s description of you.

The drivers aren’t stupid either, they all know about the article that was published in September, and most of them would be lying if they said they hadn’t looked at it in curiosity. They’d also be lying if they saw their eyes didn’t widen in concern or eyebrows didn’t furrow with worry when they read how terrible your parents treated you.

The grid saw how the comments got nastier and nastier under your lessening social media posts every day, and even asked your PR officer multiple times to make sure she was managing your accounts and making sure you didn’t see what people had to say about your background or yourself.

They saw how you got quieter every race, how you stopped hanging out with Yuki and Charles and Lewis, no matter how many times they offered. They saw the rumors of you and your 2024 seat, how apparently Helmut Marko was paying close attention to you and the clauses in your contract.

They asked a lot, if you wanted to talk or if they could help in any way. It was always the same response; a weary smile, a small shake of the head, the words,“No, I’m fine, just tired” and an excuse that you were needed in your garage or media pen.

So they try to help in more discreet ways; when Yuki is asked about your position on Alpha Tauri or your future with Red Bull, he calmly assures that you are working hard with the team, and is doing everything possible to understand the car.

Charles, Lewis, and a few other drivers make a routine of coming to your driver’s room, most of the time just to sit with you as you look at data, or talk with you when you’re feeling up to it.

Mexico goes somehow worse than Texas, and you finish with your lowest result in F1 yet, P15. You try to be as approachable as possible in post-race media, but your sullen face gives you away.

You leave with Ally and your trainer to catch your flight to Brazil mere hours after you passed the checkered flag, and spend most of your time in Sau Paulo alone in your hotel room, replaying every hurtful comment either your mother and father or fans have said about you, and debating whether or not it was true.

You walk into the Brazilian paddock Thursday morning more grateful than you thought possible that this was the third-to-last race of your season.

And according to over twenty media sources, your third-to last race of F1.

After a public statement made by Marko talking about how Red Bull was “considering your future with their junior team” every journalist in the F1 community has decided that it means this was your last season in F1.

And honestly, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Whether you raced in 2024 or not, you just wanted to go home and avoid the press for three months.

It was another sprint weekend, and another terrible qualifying and shootout. You placed 15th in both sessions and kept your place in the sprint, and spent a quiet Saturday evening in your hotel.

You could feel almost every journalists eye’s turn to you as soon as you walked into the paddock on Sunday. You arrived early that afternoon to get some extra data-stuff done, only now realizing that it gave the growing group of reporters behind you more time to ask you questions.

“Y/n! Can you tell us about your future in F1?”

“Will you have a seat next year?

“Y/n, what does Helmut Marko think about your decrease in performance?”

“Does your past with your parents have anything to do with your recent race results?”

You try to keep your face emotionless as you make your way into the Alpha Tauri garage and to your drivers room. You prepare for the race with your personal trainer and look over the arranged strategies for Sau Paulo while you wait for the go-ahead to get in your car.

Due to all the crashed-out cars, you ended the race in P12 in front of Oscar Piastri and Daniel Ricciardo. Statistically speaking, it was one of your better 2023 races, but everyone knows if it wasn’t for all the DNF’s, you’d finish in the bottom five.

You know that everyone knows this because just before you walked into the media pen after your race debrief, you saw Christian Horner and Marko speaking to your team principle, and after Yuki’s P9 finish today, it didn’t take you even a second to understand who they were talking about with disappointed faces and multiple shakes of the head.

Sure, this could mean nothing. This could just be a conversation between the three people that control the top team and it’s junior team. But you also like to think you’re a bit smarter than that.

You walked deeper into the crowded area before the three could see you, and walked to the first open journalist you saw, in hopes of leaving early.

“Y/n, hi! Not too bad of a race for you today, I guess?” The man asked, pointing his microphone towards you

“Yeah, not too bad. The car felt pretty okay and there was a bit of pace, but not enough to overtake or anything, clearly” You reply.

“Can we expect more race pace from you in Las and Vegas and Abu Dhabi?”

“I mean, it’s a bit too early to tell, but we’ll hope and see what comes out out of the practices” The man nods before looking down at his notebook.

“And your seat for Alpha Tauri next year, we know you’re apart of the confirmed driver lineup for 2024 but Helmut Marko states that there are attainable clauses in your contract, what do you think about that?”

You’re caught off guard by the question, but right when you’re about to respond, the man continues.

“Surely, Alpha Tauri isn’t really considering keeping you for next season, are they?”

You’re standing in front of the man speechless now, your brain barely comprehending what’s being spoken.

“Because I know the last thing a team wants is an incapable driver that is too emotionally effected by her “traumatic” childhood to race,” the volume of his voice starts to increase, and other drivers are starting to focus on your one-sided conversation.

“I mean, c’mon, no one even believes that even happened to you, and if it did, your parents were probably right for doing it-”

Your hands are shaking, eyes are wide with shock, body suddenly freezing, and you don’t even think you’re breathing. All you can do is listen as this man goes on and on about how you’re a shitty driver and deserved how your parents treated you.

You’re only broken out of your trance when an arm clad in red wraps around your shoulders and pulls you through the paddock. You’re not even aware of the yelling from a certain Mercedes drivers gets quieter and quieter as you’re brought into your driver’s room.

You’re being sat on a couch, and suddenly Charles Leclerc’s face is right in front of you, hands on your shoulders and eyes filled with concerned. “Y/n? Y/n, look at me, please, Y/n-” Your eyes dart to him and in an instant, everything from the past five minutes comes rushing through your head, and you can’t stop the tears that start to fall down your face.

“Oh, Y/n” The Ferrari driver moves to comfort you, but stops as you begin to cover your face and move away.

“No, Y/n, it’s okay, please, let me help you, Y/n” Charles wraps his arms around you in a hug as your body begins to shake with uncontrollable sobs.

“I can’t- I can’t do this anymore, Charles” You say in between breaths.

“I have to quit or something, I can’t keep doing this Charles, I can’t” You let your head fall on his shoulder, as the man tries to calm you down.

Charles’ heart is breaking as he comforts his friend; he remembers loving his first few years in Formula 1, how everything was so new and exciting to him, he could never not want to race, not then and not now. But to hear one of his closest friends breakdown because of how much she hates being there, makes the man’s heart shatter.

The door abruptly opens, and for a moment, all you can hear is the low angry cursing of Lewis Hamilton, until he sees you and Charles, and his face immediately softens.

“Love, I’m so sorry. That guy is a complete jerk, don’t listen to him” The British man says as he takes a seat beside you and wraps an arm around your shoulders.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so stuck in this place where everyone is always talking about what happened and I don’t know how much longer I can go through it” You say, your voice breaking off with another sob.

Charles hushes you once more, exchanging a worried look with Lewis as you pull away from him again. “I’m sorry, I know I should be doing better and everything but I just can’t-” You say, voice shaky through the tears.

“Don’t for one second be sorry that you’re not competitive right now. Y/n, thousands of people are talking about the one thing that hurt you the most, and I understand why you feel this way, just please, love, for your own good, let us help you. I promise it will make you feel better” Lewis assures, grabbing your hand.

So for the first time, you do. For over an hour, you tell Charles and Lewis everything that happened when you were younger, and how the article has made you feel since then. They listen quietly, nodding once in a while to let you know they understand, and gave you a hug when you stopped talking.

“Do you feel better now?” Lewis asks.

“Yeah, not entirely, but better”

“Good, that’s all I wanted to hear,”

“Are you ready to go home now? There’s a plane waiting for us, if you want”

“Definitely. I need to go home” You say as Charles helps pack up all your things and Lewis makes sure there’s a car waiting for you two outside. As you’re all walking through the nearly-empty paddock, Charles turns to you.

“I have to go back to my garage, but please Y/n, if you ever need to talk, call me? I want to help you, I don’t want to see you like this again” The Monegasque brings you into a hug.

“I know, Charles, I will” You promise.

“Okay, I’ll see you before Vegas, yes? Feel better!” He calls as he moves backwards and further into the paddock.

“You promise?”

Lewis asks you hours later in the front of the airport in England, just about to get into separate cars.

“Yes, Lewis, I’ll call when I need” You say to the older man in a hug.

“Alright, text me when you’ve made it home and make sure you get some rest. Don’t be too hard on yourself either, you don’t give yourself enough credit for everything you do” You smile at him.

“Okay, I’ll see you before Vegas?”

“See you before Vegas!” He shouts from his already-closed car door.

When you do see the two next, they make sure you’ve made an appointment with a therapist and are setting up a meeting with your PR manager to put together a statement in regards to your well-being the past two months.

Charles and Lewis make sure the media inside the paddock is severely monitored and checked before being allowed near the drivers, and help you fall back into healthier habits.

These changes don’t happen overnight, and they don’t take affect overnight, but you do use the winter off season to make sure these changes are helpful and working.

The three month break is utilized to mentally and physically prepare yorself in time for your 2024 seat at Alpha Tauri that was re-confirmed after your P8 finishes in Las Vegas and Abu Dhabi.

The media still knows everything, and you haven’t completely forgotten your childhood, you never will, but dealing with it still gets easier.

[vilsoo]

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𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟓𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 ❞ starring RYOMEN SUKUNA (jjk)

a camping trip you planned with your friends turns out to be a total nightmare, all caught on camera…

⚠︎ TW: suspense, horror/thriller themes, gruesome murder, gore, ritual sex, demon sex, satanism, sadism, betrayal, teratophilia, size kink, double penetration, plot twist, ib the blair witch project (1999), 1980s setting.

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SATURDAYS 🍷 the depths of hell fall on this dark and gloomy city bound to corruption and sin, known as the devil’s playground! lurking within the streets beholds the prurient reigns of terror that which may also arouse parkland guests…

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟓𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ❞ starring NANAMI KENTO (jjk)

with you and your boyfriend being a regular at this fancy restaurant, the owner became very fond of you…

⚠︎ TW: cannibalism, chef/restaurant owner nanami, poisoning, murder, infidelity/cheating, eventual smut, kitchen sex, unprotected sex, jealousy, dark obsession, slight stalking, gore, mutilation.

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟏𝟐𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 ❞ starring WILLIAM AFTON (fnaf)

as the new intern and your boss developing a dark obsession over you, he feels the need to corrupt you…

⚠︎ TW: dubcon, mind control (glitchtrap virus), sadism, murder, psychological abuse, manipulation, predator/prey dynamic, implied age gap, degradation, eventual rough smut, mentions of vanny mask.

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟐𝟔𝐓𝐇: ❝ 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐁𝐑𝐄 ❞ starring CHOSO (jjk)

accidentally bringing a girl back from the dead may have been horrifying, but falling in love with her..?

⚠︎ CW: horror/romcom themes, implied necrophilia (NO intercourse), college au, accidental ritual, romance, mentions of murder, suggestive smut, inspired by lisa frankenstein (2024) and corpse bride (2005).

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FOR OUR HALLOWEEN SPECIAL . . . not only are you immersed into the stories of our attractions, you get the real experience of being a parkland guest having a fun time at Horrorland with friends! but as thrilling as it all sounds, there are many scandals and articles of what really goes down…

𖤐 𝐎𝐂𝐓 𝟑𝟏: ❝ 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓, 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋? ❞ HEADLINE: PARKLAND VISITOR CAUGHT HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH A SCARE ACTOR!

flirting has become a common fear response when encountering hot masked scare actors chasing you at halloween events. this scandal covers a parkland visitor fawning over the hot scare actor in the Deathgasm haunted house, König, resulting in them flirting and sneaking off together…

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⚠︎ 𝐁𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬. 𝐇𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. ⚠︎

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𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐒𝐎𝐎 © 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒. please do not steal my kinktober prompts/works/themes! reposting any of my works outside tumblr that minors can access is strictly prohibited. will be cross posted on my ao3 soon.

[mercurycft]

𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐆𝐎 — 𝐀𝐖𝐅𝐂

## awfc x teen!player reader - TRIGGER WARNING !!

therapy is expensive but tumblr is free. i love you all - PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!! APPLY AFTER THE BREAK. THANK YOU. love always - RG x

tw self harm, suicidal thoughts, angst, foul language, anger, anxiety, depression talk.

please put yourself first. do not read this if you feel like you can’t. thank you.

——— 1.1k words

it didn't hurt, didn't burn.

it didn't feel the way you remembered it to.

it numbed.

you were hot, far too hot. the heat pricked at your skin and tormented the skin of your cheeks - now tight and sticky as your tears dried. the tiles were cold beneath you, pressed up against your legs from where you slumped on the floor.

the dull ache set in as a backdrop for the muffled voices just a few rooms away. you were pleased to hear them still occupied by whatever crap was on the tv - pleased by the possibility that you could slip away without causing a disturbance.

nothing phased you anymore. instead, the scrape across your skin soothed the fire raging in your mind. it calmed your beating heart and pushed away the anxious bubble in your throat. it silenced your sobs and subdued the race of your emotions.

you didn't know how long you had been there, laying limp on the bathroom floor. in some weird way that helped, not knowing whether time had stopped or sped in your determined absence. you didn't care for time anymore, constantly torn on the ability to have more or have less. time, that is. are you an avid hater of time or a waster? did you need less or want more?

the last time you were here, you remember it was quick. short and sweet, cleaned and sorted before you had the chance to long for more. this time, however, you were quite content.

finding comfort in the chaos of your thoughts when your weight shifted, head back against the bath as you drew in a shaky breath. your eyes grew heavy in the peaceful quiet of your own personal refuge from the monstrosity of life - the life that sat on the other side of the door.

you recall memories fondly, a weak smile pulling at your cracked lips. you recall your friends, family, the people you've met and the lives you have changed - it was never enough. never enough to dismiss the disgrace that followed you. it lurked in the shadows and clung to your back like an infection - sucking the nutrients straight from the source until you were a shell. left to decay under the ever-unforgiving eyes of the universe.

you were drifting, politely fighting with consciousness as your fingers twiddled with your poison of choice. the cold of the metal dancing with your shaking fingertips. the paint from your work splashing the blank canvas of the floor - decorating the space around you with a vulgar display of your wilting petals.

'it'll be okay,' you whisper into the space surrounding you, voice hoarse as it grumbles from your throat. you were at ease as your body became weightless, right hand fighting the exhaustion as it raised perpendicular to your left wrist. unforgiving, relentless.

your body didn't argue, embracing the sting when you felt it. humming contently at the final contact before your eyes became too heavy under the iridescent lights. your arms fell to either side of you, overtaken by the tiredness that crept through your bones - intoxicating each muscle until they couldn't take anymore.

this is fine, you think. mind finally quiet - no longer buzzing. this is fine. you hear the small clang of metal to the floor, internally amused as it bounces and chimes.

you can't hear beyond your breathing now, too focused on the shallow inhales as your lungs fight to stay useful - working overtime.

two minutes, or two hours, you weren't sure. unaware of the approaching patter of feet towards the door. a soft knock is what brings you back momentarily, still grasping onto the last strands of your being.

"y/n? did you fucking fall in" katie. she has a nice laugh, you think.

she knocks again. confused by your lack of answer, concerned by the eery silence that sits waiting to greet her beyond the wood. she knocks a third time, and the silence spreads and engulfs the house. the silence was soon interrupted by the approach of more feet and bodies towards the bathroom. you can just about make out the pounding of their knocks through the ringing in your ear.

beth calls your name. no reply.

caitlin shouts about a prank. no reply.

the ringing eventually overpowers their hollering and you let the darkness behind your eyes take you. peace.

outside your almost lifeless body, away from your slack limbs, the door opens with a crash - creasing invertedly on its hinges when lotte throws herself against it. the frame split in half at the lock when it's forced out of position.

you can't recall anything after that.

you come to for a moment in the back of caitlin's car, leah sat with your head cradled in her lap and beth with your legs against hers. your eyes stir, unable to make out anything other than the throb behind them. the stab through your temple and the sting of pressure against your wrists.

leah can feel you tense beneath her and halts her shouting of directions to sweep your hair out of your eyes and study your face. the blue tint to your lips and lack of colour through your cheeks, her stomach sinks as she watches your eyes flutter.

"it's okay, sweet girl, we're nearly there." she whispers with no reply, voice cracking with a silent cry as a tear slips from her waterline. shes quick to wipe it away when she feels your head droop again.

beth has her own hands wrapped around your wrists, tea towels stained with the life from your veins by the time they arrive at the hospital. she's squeezing, keeping the pressure consistent under the order of lotte who whips her head round from the front seat every couple of seconds - careful to not distract caitlin from driving. katie's voice is coming through the car, her, alessia and viv following behind.

lotte is out of the car as soon as it stops, sprinting towards the double doors and assembling help. sobbing and gasping for breath as she directs nurses and doctors to the car parked across an ambulance bay - unbothered by the glares of passersby.

you're surrounded by people, doctors, nurses - anyone who can provide an extra set of hands. each helping to pull you carefully from the car and carrying you into the hospital.

you can't speak, can barely here and can't feel your body by the time they got you in a bed and rushed you through the halls. your friends, your people stood watching them take you away through a set of double doors. parts of them shaded by you - beth's hands. leah's lap. lotte's shirt. caitlin's arms.

silence fell upon them. the world standing still when you disappeared into the depths of the hospital. they shared the moment, a breath. no words exchanged. just knowing touches - a shoulder clash, a patting hand.

you don't pay them a thought - unbothered by their fading presence. instead, your internal monologue tried to shout above the noise of your bargaining. let me go, you beg. silently. to no one. maybe to life - maybe to death.

let me go.

[amberjazmyn]

decade 💔🥹

pairing : f1 grid x driver!reader

summary :  aston martin driver elouisa holland is great at keeping her composure in front of the judgemental and ruthless eyes of the formula 1 media circus. that is until she gets asked about why she only has her mum and siblings at her races but not her dad even though everytime she did speak about her dad, it was positive. those who knew why her dad wasn't present at races were worried for how elouisa would respond until the room fell silent when she explained since they clearly couldn't understand or recognise the tense in which she spoke about him. 

warnings : mention of parental death, dark humour, f1 grid press conference, driver x female!reader, platonic x f1 grid, driver reader x max verstappen

a/n :  i have to admit, this was slightly self-indulgent because, fyi, my own father died a decade ago this year and this is exactly what i feel like i'd respond with if someone asked me where my dad was if i talked about him in such a positive light and them not recognising the tense in which i spoke about him. and, also, yes, i have elouisa as an aston martin driver because, no hate but, i'm not the biggest fan of lance stroll so he's just not part of the grid and elouisa is instead but all the other drivers are still in the grid though with a special guest appearance of sebastian vettel. 

it wasn't a shock to find out that the media circus involved with formula one was invasive and sometimes brutal. asking questions that people would think would be off-limits from asking however, within f1, no question was off-limits since there were no secrets within the sport. not even questions about personal matters like their families or their love lives since majority of the drivers had relationships that whilst weren't technically secret but on the private side and other personal matters in their life were safe from media scrutiny. things that didn't even relate to being a formula one driver would be asked instead of the more important questions like how they felt about their car or how the race itself went. and of course, because of these nosy reporters who always wanted clicks and the best and juciest headlines, all the drivers on the f1 grid was put through some form of pr media training so they'd always have the perfect response that would also still give them some privacy as well as preparing them for the harshest of harsh questions without lashing out and gracefully rerouting the conversation back to the original topic of racing. so, if they were responding to a question that was quite invasive and teetered on the line of a privacy violation, they didn't give too much away and they weren't giving the reporter the exact response that they so desperately wanted. and, most of the times, it worked perfectly and the drivers hadn't had their whole lives being plastered over the internet. however, for the first time, elouisa holland's pr training did not come and save her because no matter how hard she tried giving the intrusive reporter her pr media trained responses, he still wasn't satisfied and kept on pressing her for a better answer then the one he had been given. 

so, because of that, she decided to tell the truth and it was a hard truth that would also make many people uncomfortable but, elouisa had been pushed too hard and too far and unfortunately, it was with the entire f1 grid around her alongside the nosy reporters. who most of them already knew the unfortunate reason why her dad wasn't seen around the paddock during grand prixs and why whilst she always spoke lovingly of her dad, she always spoke about him in the past tense. and that was because elouisa's dad died when she was only eleven years old when she was still karting alongside some of those who she now shares the f1 grid with. 

however, that's not how the press conference started. it had actually started as an amazing group interview with all of the drivers, all twenty of them, all bunched up together on the teeny tiny couch. all of them giggling and making jokes with one another and the interviewers and the moderator. elouisa was sat in the middle of red bull's max verstappen and ferrari's carlos sainz jr, verstappen on her right and sainz jr to her left. the three of them were giggling amongst each other and it was during that moment of the three of them giggling that the invasive interviewer, a man who was like at least a couple decades older than elouisa, asked her the one question she had always managed to skirt around giving a proper answer and avoid. 

however, the moment her head looked away from max and carlos and over at the interviewer, it was as though she already knew what question he would be asking. and that was before she had even lifted her head up and before he had even opened his mouth to say anything. 

"you always speak about your dad in such a positive light but we never see him around the paddock or at any of the grand prixs. if he's so great and so loved by you, then why doesn't he make any effort in supporting his daughter in a sport that for so many years, was male dominated and still is considered to be. as the only female driver on the grid, it has to upset you that majority of the drivers have their entire family with them to support them but you don't. especially with the consideration that you are actually quite a talented driver and really getting up there in the status of a legend. but, this is something you always avoid and never answer properly so why are you always talking so happily about your dad but when you get asked why he's never here to watch you drive, you always avoid and deflect, why is that?" elouisa should have prepared herself better but, she genuinely thought reporters were getting bored of asking this question because of the fact she always avoided it

however, this crusty old man was persistent and it seemed as though by his stance and the look on his face, that he wasn't going to back down until he got the answer he desired. but, of course, elouisa wasn't going to back down either so, she started to respond with the same old, media trained answers that she had always used every single time. 

"my dad and the reason why he doesn't turn up to races has no connection to where i am now as a formula one driver. this isn't a question you would ask to someone like max or to charles so why am i the only one being questioned on this topic other than the obvious that i'm a female and they're men? if you have a better question that is actually in relation to this weekend's grand prix, i will happily answer it but, any other non-related grand prix questions, will be ignored, thank you..." elouisa trailed off, placing the microphone in her hand back into her lap as she smiled over at max who gave her a worried look

elouisa knew that the guy was going to keep on trying, it was obvious. however, she didn't want anyone to notice just how bothered she got when people constantly asked about her father and why he was always mentioned but never seen. 

like mentioned before, she was eleven when her father died. and for the longest time, after the death of her father, it was as though her life went by ever so slowly. she wasn't sure how she was still alive because she never really remembered much from ages eleven to eighteen since those years just culminated together all into one. of course, she liked to say that she was the happiest she had ever been from her formula 2 days in 2020 and onwards but, everyone knew she was still struggling deep down. since the loss of her father, she developed an anxiety disorder that was then rediagnosed as ptsd since panic attacks would always strike the australian girl at the worst and most inconvient of times. however, they never bothered her when she was racing or in interviews which she always thought was suspicious considering just how much more dangerous formula one racing was then anything else that she had going on in her life. at eighteen, she made her formula one debut with torro rosso even though it was only just for that debuting performance. after debuting with torro rosso, she moved to renault and then alfa romeo within the same year since the two teams fought over her, spending one half of the year with renault and then the other with alfa romeo. then, aston martin contacted her for a multi-year contract which she couldn't turn down as they had been renamed and brought back after changing their name from racing point to aston martin. and because they knew alfa romeo were never going to keep her for longer than the second half of her rookie season. and in late 2021, elouisa would be the number one driver of aston martin alongside fernando alonso. 

even though elouisa seemed to smile a lot in regards to talking about her dad, it always killed her a little inside because she always spoke about him in the past tense, reminding her of that solemn fact that, her dad was truly never going to come back. no matter how many times she wanted to forget or pretend that his death was just a mean prank that went too far. of course she did. how else would she talk about her dad who was no longer walking the earth anymore? besides, it had accidentally become a habit that she never wanted to get into in the first place. of course she wished her dad was still alive. it was the same for her best friend, charles leclerc, who drove for ferrari. his dad had also passed away but charles was a lot older, he was nineteen and a year away from getting his formula one contract. so he knew the very pain that elouisa went through every single day when she would look and see the other drivers have both of their parents be present for them at every race. it was something she had always longed for and even sometimes loathed her mum for. she had always wanted her mum to fall in love again and when she didn't, it made her slightly hate her mum for not wanting to try to love someone new again just because she was afraid of the same thing happening again. it hurt elouisa to see her mum just blantly ignore her children when they begged and cried out for more than just their mum. only their youngest brother a mummy's boy. the rest of the siblings obsessed with their dad which caused four of the five siblings way more grief from the loss. 

it brought a painful ache into elouisa's heart every single time she remembered the words she said moments after the death of her dad had been announced. the first thing that fell out of little eleven year old elouisa's mouth was 'when am i getting a new dad?'. and even though she was now twenty-one, it was still something that haunted her every waking hour knowing that those were the first words that came out of her mouth. she was eleven, not a baby, yet she was still so clueless about death being final. that death meant the person wasn't going to come back. and now that she was older, she understood why little eleven year old elouisa said what she said. she said those words because she never wanted to be living a life without a father in her life. whether that was her biological father or a father that stepped up and fell in love with her mum and her five children. 

however, that never happened. elouisa's mum never fell in love and it was still something that elouisa would pick fights with her mum about. calling her mum selfish because she's too scared to fall in love again. reminding her that she can't stay miserable forever and that it's not a crime to try again and give her family the stability that they've been missing for the last decade. 

blinking back the cruel truth of elouisa's life, she was pulled back into the press conference as the intrusive interviewer asked her the question again, "i'll ask you again, why are you always avoiding questions that involve your father's obnoxious absences from the races? if a father loved his daughter so much, he wouldn't be avoiding all of her races so where is your father and why are you avoiding answering questions about his whereabouts?" the interviewer asked sharply, waiting for the moment elouisa would crack under the pressure he put her under 

everyone just watching in wait. the drivers beside her all holding their breath as they never truly knew how elouisa would respond or react when asked about her dad. whether she'd laugh hysterically and insert dark humour jokes, in a bid to cover up her uncomfortability. whether she'd cry because it was a day in which she really missed her dad. or if she'd just be nonchalant and continue to ignore the interviewer. however, this time, it was clear that elouisa was equipped with the perfect answer. the answer that no one was ready for because of how brutally honest and uncomfortable it was. 

giggling under her breath, it seemed to excite elouisa that she could finally throw away all of her pr media training and just make this absolute asshole of an interviewer uncomfortable, "sir, i have a question for you, do you have a dad?" elouisa starts as the interviewer is shocked at getting questioned himself but he quickly recovers and nods his head 

"yes, i do, elouisa, why?" the interviewer questioned as elouisa smirked, her plan was working as the drivers looked at her slightly worried - max holding her hand moreso for his own comfort than hers 

"well, when you talk about your dad, which tense do you talk about him in? present or past?" elouisa questions as the interviewer was still confused but not those around him as they all went into a solemn silence 

"present? i don't know, why are you asking?" he huffed, his arms crossed over like a child as elouisa giggled once again as she shook her head 

"okay, good to know your dad is still alive and kicking, sir. i say that because, if any of you interviewers really did your job and did it well enough, you would have picked up on the tense in which i use to speak about my dad..." elouisa trailed off, her head turned to the side as the other interviewers bit their lips in a bid to not make any noises of shock as they finally realised the way in which she spoke about her dad when she did talk about him 

however, this stupid man didn't. he didn't make the connection because it was always this one interviewer that always asked and asked and prodded but never actually paid attention to what was being said and how it was being said. he only cared about his intrusivity being listened to and responded to so he could get the content and reactions he needed for his big stories. 

"...okay, and? what's the tense in which you speak about your father got to do with this question that you always avoid?" the interviewer questioned in slight stupidity as elouisa sighed, her eyes rolling as she reaised she really would have to spell it out for him 

"fuck me...sir, if you were slightly smarter and actually paid attention to the things i post on social media on days like birthdays and annviersaries and why i never respond to your abhorrent questions, as well as paid attention to anything that is seen on my racing helmets, you would know that my dad has been dead for an entire decade...that's why no one in this interview pen has seen my dad except for the other current and former drivers on the grid because when i was eleven, i was still in karting. at eleven, i hadn't even realised that i wanted to reach formula 1 let alone any of the others. if you paid enough attention instead of focusing on the disgusting and intrusive questions to write your big story about, you would be knowledgeable in the news that my dad's dead, mate. like, he's dead dead. like he's so dead that i don't even think i can remember what he sounds like anymore..." elouisa trailed off as the entire press conference fell silent except for some of elouisa's giggles and the clicks of cameras and the one filming the press conference live 

after finally getting the response that the interviewer so desperately needed, he gulped back in embarrassment. his entire face went red and his mouth fell into a straight line as though someone had zipped it shut. he didn't know how to respond and elouisa found it hilarious. she loved when she shut down the ignorant and intrusive reporters because they always reacted the same exact way that this interviewer was reacting. but, it didn't take long before the interviewer then started to try and save his arse. 

"...i...i'm so sorry. i...i didn't know that your dad..." he stammered as elouisa held her hand up, making him stop talking and he did, however it was max's voice that spoke up next, not elouisa's

"...cut the crap, mate. it's obvious you're not truly sorry because if you were, you would have stopped intruding the first time elouisa avoiding responding to your inflammatory questions! if you were that good of an interviewer as you boast to be, you would know that constant nagging isn't going to get you the answer you long for, it's going to end in the same way this press conference has ended. with a driver being pushed to their limit and giving the truth that you so wish for in the most uncomfortable and confronting way possible because you just couldn't stop prodding and poking for a response. but, well done anyway i guess, cause you got what you wished for, right? you now know why elouisa's dad isn't seen around the paddock even though elouisa still talks about him," max was not playing around, he was furious as were the rest of the drivers on the grid but, no one could see the steam that was billowing from the ears of newly retired f1 racer, sebastian vettel 

sebastian had retired but he was still as ever present around the paddock when he was able to be. and at this grand prix, he just happened to be watching the press conference from the very back with nico rosberg, former f1 driver now journalist and they, nico and sebastian, were pissed. the both of them had seen elouisa holland grow up and see how she went through her life without her father present and how it devastated her. how the grief was always ever present around her when she did everything. if these pesty journalists actually did their jobs and paid more attention to things, they would have seen the very clear memorial that the aussie girl has in honour of her father on her helmet in the same way carlos has maria di villota's red star on the back of every one of his helmets or the way charles always pays tribute to his father and godfather, jules bianchi. if they had just noticed these things, they wouldn't have needed to ask these questions but, they probably still would have because they loved to prod and try to break down the only female on the grid to test just how mentally strong she was up against the male drivers. they always did it on purpose because they wanted to prove that girls shouldn't be allowed in formula one and elouisa was their scapegoat every single time. however, this time, elouisa knew what they tried to do and she wasn't going to allow them this time. 

and that made both sebastian and nico proud of their girl. it made the entire grid proud of their girl. they knew from the beginning that elouisa was not the person to mess with but, people still tried yet, as the saying goes, you fuck around and you find out. and this time, this particular journalist did just that. he fucked around and he found out and he wished he never fucked around. and since max let the interviewer have it, it seemed as though he, elouisa and the rest of the drivers were no longer interested in finishing the press conference so they all stood up and, in solidarity for their fellow driver, they all walked out of the press conference. leaving the poor moderator, who was the sweetest guy in the world, all on his own in a room filled with reporters, having no clue what to do since this was being filmed live with no way of editing or cutting anything out. unless the camerman just decided to cut the cameras entirely before moving onto the rest of the grand prix weekend. which, is what the camerman decided to do anyway. the press conference had begun to drag a little too long and it was no longer the light, fun and easy-going press conference that it had started out as. 

as the drivers left the press conference, a breath of air just seemed to evaporate around them. what were they meant to do now? they couldn't remember what was next on the agenda. then, out of nowhere, elouisa bursts into incontrollable giggles. and, this of course, confused the others because how on earth was what just happened that funny? but, they knew not to question her so they also started giggling and the awkwardness just went away. 

finally, elouisa calmed down as she rested against max, "...mate, the look on that old dude's face when i told him that my dad was dead dead was hilarious!" elouisa sighed with the biggest smile on her face - the purest of trauma responses as the other drivers looked at her 

"it for sure stumped him from saying anything else, that's for sure!" lewis chuckled softly as he shook his head as elouisa nodded her head 

"it was supposed to! i said it for that exact reason! i wasn't going to sugarcoat it since it wasn't the first time old mate was begging for my response and he finally got it!" elouisa shrugged her shoulders as max sighed and pulled her closer to him 

"and that's why i love you, elouisa!" max hums with content as elouisa doesn't fight against max's embrace but embraces it and moves closer to him 

"why thank you, maxie! at least someone's not afraid to say it!" elouisa giggles before she stops as she feels the way the looks of the others change from the momentary joy back to sympathy 

elouisa wasn't normally one to get upset over her dad. because, right from the get go, she would always talk about him and she would be able to do that without crying. it was something that actually confused many people because they couldn't believe just how poised she was when she'd talk about her beloved dad so quickly after his devastating loss. how could she not? her dad was her hero, the reason why she even got into motorsport and why she was now a formula one driver even though he would never live long enough to see it. he still had the belief in his daughter that she could make it. that was why she had made it clear that her entire racing career with formula one would be dedicated to her father. but, when it did get quiet within her head and she did get upset about her dad, she knew she could go to any of the other guys in the grid and they'd be there for her to hold her as she fell. 

that was when the very distinct memory of driving on the anniversary of her dad's death and winning popped into her head. 

ʚ✩ɞ

"...elouisa, i don't want to freak you out considering today's already been an emotional day but, with ten laps left, you are in the lead. max is a whole lap behind you with carlos. fernando is near the back with valtteri and logan. so, you just keep on pushing, okay baby? you keep on going and you get that win, alright?" elouisa's radio engineer's voice crackles as elouisa's breath gets shaky 

"thank you! i'm pushing now!" elouisa breathes out before a quick "over" is heard and it's once again quiet between elouisa and her radio engineer 

it was the italian grand prix. not only the home race of ferrari but also the home race of elouisa holland who is an australian-italian f1 driver for aston martin, born and raised in australia to italian parents which meant that she could claim both the australian grand prix and all the italian grand prixs as home races. and, that's what she did. however, this time, this italian grand prix in monza was the most important home race for elouisa. it was the first time that she was in the clear running for a podium finish. but, not just any podium finish but a win. so, that's what elouisa and her team at aston martin were vying for at this italian grand prix. and right now, without even realising it, since she had been swamped by grief and agony of the memory of it being the tragic passing of her father, elouisa was inching closer and closer to getting her first ever italian grand prix win at monza.

elouisa doesn't really realise what's going on because she's so dazed and taken out of the joyus moment but, she knows somewhere deep down inside of her that she's finally snagged a win at one of her home races. celebrating with her radio engineer was supposed to be joyful but it was as though she wasn't even in her body. it was as though she was having an outer body experience and watching it happen. she hadn't even realised that she had driven her car into the parc ferme and in front of the p1 placard. so, it took max, who grasped second place and carlos in third place to help her out of the car and take her helmet off that she started to come to again.

"...elouisa! you did it, you won!" max smiled, his helmet also off as his hands squeeze the girl's cheeks as she looks at him with bulging wide eyes in shock 

"what? no...no i didn't!" elouisa stammered, she was sure max at some point had overtaken her but when she turned to look at carlos, he shook his head, also smiling wide as he joined max 

"yes, you did, hermana sister!" carlos rubbed elouisa's back as tears welled in her eyes, she couldn't understand why or how she had even won a race on a day as agonising and grevious as the annviersary of the death of her beloved dad

"then why don't i feel happy or excited?" elouisa's voice cracked as max and carlos remembered, their eyes sullen 

they hadn't forgotten what this day was or the feelings it brought up for their best friend. how could they forget? they grew up with elouisa and her family. of course, they were on the older side of the grid but, they still grew up with elouisa in the same way they grew up in similar circles to the rest of the drivers on the grid. so, they knew and remembered the exact time on this specific day that they got the news that elouisa's dad had died. it was devastating for all of those in the karting and motorsport world because elouisa's dad was well-known and very well loved. and because he was so involved with it, it had come as a huge shock that the news had come out during a karting championship that elouisa was actually participating in alongside george russell, alex albon and oscar piastri. and, exactly like today, on the anniversary of her dad's death, on the day that it was announced her dad had died, she had also won that karting championship, having no knowledge that at home, her mum was grieving over the loss of her husband and the father of her five children who were all at the karting championship for elouisa. 

maybe that was why whenever elouisa won on days like anniversaries and the birthday of her dad, it never felt happy or exciting. it always had a tinge of sadness because it was another win that he would never get to witness and be apart of. nor was it a trophy that he would be able to  see. so, getting this win at monza was equally amazing for elouisa and aston martin but it was also agonising that it was yet another win that would never be seen and celebrated by and with her dad. maybe that was why her mum had slowly started to stop from coming to races. she couldn't bear to see her little girl on that podium, winning races, without seeing both of her parents there watching. max and carlos could see that the grieving girl was ever so slightly starting to breakdown and they hated it so, they didn't hesitate. pulling her in for a hug, they pulled her closely and held her tightly. the formula one commentators mentioning just how sweet it was that even though they were rivals on track, as soon as they got out of their cars, they were best friends and were there to take care of one another. they also hadn't forgotten what day it was that the italian grand prix managed to fall on this year so, they couldn't do anything else but pay their respects and send their love to elouisa and the rest of the holland family.

  ʚ✩ɞ

"...hey, you okay, schat darling? you went off somewhere, you back with us now?" max giggles softly as elouisa blinks, looking max in the eyes and nodded her head 

"yeah...yeah, i'm fine, sorry. yeah, i was in fairyland for a little bit. i'm sorry, what were we taking about?" elouisa mumbled as she leaned further into max's protective hold as max smiled 

"don't apologise. and whatever we were talking about before doesn't matter anymore, what was going on inside your head? where did you travel off too?" max's voice softened as he got the two of them to sit down on the couch, the other drivers following suite as elouisa scoffed softly 

"my first win at monza...on dad's anniversary..." elouisa trailed off as max nodded his head, the other drivers smiling softly, understanding how agonising that was for her 

"...why's that schat?" max wondered, he remembers that day like it was yesterday and it haunted him at how elouisa was so hollow and as though it wasn't her controlling her body that entire day

"it's a cruel reminder that it's now been a decade since he's died and i still forget that he's never coming back even when i win races..." elouisa whispered, tears that hadn't been shed since that podium, rose in her eyes as her lip trembled 

"...you can cry, lieverd sweetheart." max whispered and that was all that elouisa needed to hear before the tears tumbled down her face as max hugged her close to his chest, her hand covering her face, the other one wrapping around max's middle

the rest of the drivers weren't sure what to do. so they just stood awkwardly, feeling bad for their teammate that her breakdown was most definitely caused by the extremely persistent and abhorrent interviewer from the press conference. that was until lewis led the rest of them out by loudly announcing that they probably had better things to be doing than awkwardly watching max and elouisa. and, max and elouisa both would thank lewis for that later on in the day. not because the other drivers were being ignorant or rude, but it was uncomfortable to see their best friend and teammate cry and not know what to do other than just stand there awkwardly. they for sure could have gone in for a group hug and hopefully used that as a way to maybe make elouisa let out a croaky giggle but, they didn't want to push it or make her feel worse. so, with lewis in the lead, they all left the paddock and allowed max and elouisa to be left on their own. knowing and trusting that max would do everything in his power to get elouisa back to the elouisa they all knew and loved again. 

and it wouldn't take too much longer before max was able to dry elouisa's tears and get that smile back on her face. followed by a shrill giggle not too long after he got her smile back. sure, it was a painful reminder that her dad was gone but, he was never forgotten. no matter how many decades went past since the loss of her father, elouisa would always dedicate the rest of her life as a formula one driver to him. because he was the one that truly believed that his little girl had it in him to have what it took to become a formula one driver. 

fin

ok this ending was shitty and awful but, whilst i was rewriting an old one-shot that is once again max focused, i had this idea so i decided to write it before i forgot it. and this is what i had come up with. and yes, some of what is written in here is what i've through with the passing of my own dad. the truth starting with that, this year, october 2024, it will be an entire decade since my dad died. meaning that exactly like elouisa, i was also eleven when my dad died as i am now twenty-one. which means, it's getting to the point where i've been remembering him for longer than i've known him and that honestly kind of shatters my heart in a way that, by next year, 2025, he would have been dead for the exact same time as he was in my life and that just doesn't sit right with me for some reason. however, because it hasn't even gotten to ten years yet, i shouldn't be thinking about that just yet! and, another thing that is true that i've included in this story is that, not that long after it had been confirmed by the paramedics that my dad was dead and had stopped responding to cpr and defibrilation, i had said to my mum "when am i getting a new dad?" and, i cannot say that i am proud of that statement. it is truly something that haunts me everytime i remember that i said those words. i was just so confused and had no clue what was happening because everything had happened so quickly that those were the words that just tumbled out of little eleven year old amber's mouth.  i was also originally diagnosed with anxiety but then earlier this year, it was rediagnosed as ptsd because of how severe the anxiety within the ptsd was. so, yes, like i said in the author's note at the start, this was a very self-indulgent fic. i hope i didn't make anyone depressed but if i did, i promise i'll help pay for your therapy

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[unwishablestars]

Hi I’m not sure if you take this type of requests and if you don’t you can just ignore it. Could you do Cassidy, Hanzo, Genji, Lifewaever and Mauga (not sure if you writ for him) comforting their s/o after they got rescued from being kidnapped. Can you also add that the s/o was pregnant but had a miscarriage due to the kidnapping? If you don’t want to add the last bit that’s fine.

Thank you. 😊

I failed

Pair(s): Cassidy x Pregnant!Reader | Hanzo x Pregnant!Reader | Genji x Pregnant!Reader | Lifeweaver x Pregnant!Reader

Genre: Angst , Hurt/Comfort (little comfort ngl)

Word Count: 1.3k

Tags: Headcanons, Angst, Miscarriage, Multi-Character, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

TWs: Miscarriage, Kidnapping, Angst, Mildly-described violence

Summary: Cassidy/Hanzo/Genji/Lifeweaver's partner get kidnapped while pregnant leading to reader's miscarriage.

A/N: HIIIII ANONNNN!!! Thank you so much for your request!<3 I'm really sorry about the delay since life got in the way a bit :( And sorry I don't write for Mauga cuz idk how yet--- fresh hero ykyk</3 I hope you like this though!! Sorry for the delay again :(

Cassidy

Even before joining overwatch Cassidy was already a pretty wanted man due to him being part of the dead lock gang

And it never really changed when he joined overwatch

Though this time he wasn't a criminal but he was still in a dangerous field, but you always loved him because you've seen him in all the ways he loves you.

He was swooned when he met you.

One cheesy love story later, BOOM, you're preggers.

Whether you were a civilian or an agent, Cassidy WILL NOT let you get involved with his work while pregnant.

So he was absolutely distraught when he couldn't find you in you're shared home.

He walks through the door calling out for your name, ready to pamper you for the night, only to get no response.

Suddenly, he sees the signs of struggle. Knocked over furniture, thrown books, and just a general mess of your home

He is frantic.

Starts yelling your name, running around the house trying to look for you. "..Fuck..FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK"

After a few hours, they eventually locate you. They waste no time at all.

The plan was simple, (maybe even too simple), just get you out of there. Unharmed.

Cole, with worry and adrenaline as strong as ever, finds you tied to a chair. Crying, distraught, and bleeding.

Now you lay on the base's medic bay, face showing numbness as you learned the news of your baby.

Everyone had left after attempting to comfort you. All except for you lover.

He held your hand as he felt a familiar pain of loss, holding back tears, he just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't alone. And that he is so sorry.

"Darlin.. fuck.. I'm so sorry.. I was supposed to protect you. Our child.. it's my-- I'm so fucking sorry, love. Please.. please don't hate me."

Of course you didn't hate him. But too exhausted to speak, you brought his hand up to your cheek and weakly said "Just.. stay.."

"Darlin.. I will never leave your side."

Hanzo

Hanzo has been hiding in the shadows and constantly on the run for years. Alone. Until you, of course.

You offered to give him a place to stay after seeing him about to doze off sitting on a bench in the park

"No, it's fine. I'm just resting." He was literally about to pass out--

He had eventually opened up to you after much persistence and kindness, and grew incredibly fond of you.

To him, you brought him peace.

For a while, he tried to lessen contact with you as to avoid any conflicts with the people searching for him.

But he was conflicted when he found out you were pregnant. He did not want to leave your side but he also did not want to endanger you, especially in this state.

After some reassurance, he agreed to stay and take care of you.

He had hoped he would lay low enough that not only would he have to worry about your safety but also be able to be a present father to his child.

But when he came to your shared home and the door wide open, he fuckin lost it.

Frantically looking for you in your home, swearing all sorts in his home tongue didn't solve the issue.

He couldn't find you but he did find an envelope containing you're whereabouts.

They've been planning this for a while, how long were they watching him? Why did they only strike when you're health was so critical.

Hanzo was livid realizing this.

He headed to your location and found you tied to a chair, sac over your head, in a dimly lit warehouse

He knew it was a trap but ain't no way he would let anyone put a finger on you.

After being roughed up himself, (but ultimately beating the shit put of a of em) he took a look at you and saw the bruises, the scrapes

and the blood down there

he held you close, forever blaming himself for what happened

Genji

Genji and you met during your time in overwatch while they were in their prime

He was emo back then but you liked that,

And when he realized he liked you're unconditional admiration, he liked you too.

He didn't admit it of course, neither to himself nor to you but whatever.

Years later, Winston sends the recall.

And he was pleased to find out you had come back,

With a new mentality, a new acceptance of himself, and a more open acceptance of your love.

This time he made the first move, trying to act smooth like his pre-overwatch days, but his stuttering and nervousness gave it away though.

He was worried you'd remembered him as the angry and vengeful man he once was, but you saw who he was deep down

Which is the exact reason why he fell in love with you.

Eventually, after feeling a bit of morning sickness he urged you to go Mercy or Bap or anyone to help you get better.

Only for you to find out you're pregnant.

You stayed away from missions for a while as Genji requested, at most doing paperwork and helping a bit around the base.

But when the base was suddenly attacked, Genji pinned, yelling at you to stayed back.

You tuned out his pleads and gripped your weapon to help the father of your child.

And you did, but you were knocked out and taken away. He was too weak to reach you.

They immediately set out to rescue you, fully aware of your vulnerable state.

Though they had insisted for Genji to heal up first, through his broken visor, he shot them a glare that wouldn't stop him from saving his love.

After finding you in a cell, bruises all over in a weakened state, unconscious, he carried you back to the ship and held you close, eye getting watery.

You woke up in a hospital bed in the medbay, the first thing you notice being the ache your body feels, and the pain in your stomach.

Then, you notice your lover hold you close and tight.

Followed by the sorrowful looks of the doctors.

They left to give you two some space.

"I'm.. so sorry.. please.. forgive me.."

With tears in your eyes, you held each other close, never wanting to let go again.

Lifeweaver

You had worked alongside Lifeweaver in his development of biolight,

He loved having you at his side.

Soon he took you dates, brought you gifts and food, too show appreciation.

Not realizing he was indulging in his growing love for you.

After giving him some clarity of his feeling with a bold kiss, you two were inseparable, even more than before.

After you had missed you're period, you showed your lover the positive test and he way beyond joyful.

He always urged you to rest and didn't let you lift a finger. He didn't want you to be stressed or worried, he saw such beauty in you.

But those you wanted his biolight saw opportunity.

He was out buying food for you and his future baby but he came home to an open door, silence, thrown trinkets and portraits.

In his panic, he wondered whether or not he would need to contact his family. Or Satya. Or Baptiste. Anyone.

He received a video file on his desktop.

Asking for the acces to his biolight as well as the information to it's creation.

He was shaking, he wasn't strong enough to fight them on his own, he needed help. He needed you. Please come back to me.

He cannot wait any longer. He caved. Only for you. And for them.

He had sent all the information they needed. And as breathed heavily on his knees. He heard a vehicle arrive at his estate.

He hurried out, even almost tripping in the process, he needed to see you were okay, that you were both okay.

He saw you being lead to the front gate, and the abductors lackey walking back to their vehicle.

Giving him a face of no remorse.

As he held you in his arms once again, the look in your eyes had told him everything.

You two stayed there. Just feeling the comfort of what you two still had. Each other.

[gigisriley]

you should go read oh silent god on ao3. for no reason in particular (CLICK THE IMAGE I HATE TUMBLR GRRRRR)

[jujutsukgojo]

Lack of obedience

Summary: Unfortunately, Zenin completely slipped your mind. He was never on it to begin with. How were you supposed to know that your interaction meant something? Or that he would remember you, someone who he met once several years ago?

an: this is inspired by Stalking Laura (1993) which is a movie based on a true story. So, there are notable similarities that this has with the movie. tw: gun violence, stalking, assault, sexual harassment, criticizing makeup and weight (implied?), misogyny

All it took was one meeting. One look for you to immediately come to the conclusion that Naoya Zenin is repulsive. He’s nothing but an insecure joke. For someone who claims he’s strong, he sure as hell is worried about it. Hiding behind a macho facade that is practically leaking out a fragile and overinflated ego; shoving his ideals about women and not giving a damn about humanity or humility.

  It began when your parents went over to the Zenin household when you were about ten or so years old. Even at that young of an age you marveled at the Zenin’s house. Truly, it’s a beauty. Elegant and traditional without it being outdated. As you were admiring the house and walking in the garden, a boy with blond hair with dark ends appeared behind an elephant statue. 

  You ignored him and walked past him. He didn’t like that at all. Immediately, he yanked you backwards and pushed you against the statue. “Women should walk three steps behind a man.”

  You gasped at his sudden action and opinion. Feeling petty, you look around. "Where's a man?" He looked aghast, shocked by your quip. What did he expect? He just pushed you into a statue and believes that women should walk behind him. Did he think you’d take that easily?

His lip curls and eyes fill with rage. His face changed to red.  “You bi-”

You quickly cut him off before he can finish. “If you’re talking about yourself, then I’ll remind you that you weren’t even walking.”

  Just like that, he stopped. What you thought would be this random boy going off on you ended up with him giving a scowl. You took the opportunity to run away. He called out for you only to find silence.

  Throughout the visit, the boy stared at you intently. Following his eyes, his father, Naobito, introduced him as Naoya. Even when his father spotted Naoya's attention on you, Naoya still insisted on studying your every move, making you too nervous to enjoy your meal. Your mother noticed how tense you became, and in a whisper, she asked, "Are you okay?"

  Everyone turned to look at you. Despite wanting to out his staring, you shake your head yes. It's not that looking at someone is cause to get him in trouble, it's the way he's doing it. Like he wants to hurt you. 

  So busy looking at your hands, you don't notice that the adult to your left had switched seats at the boy's request. The adult cooed and awed, complying to his request. It isn't until a plate of cake is put in front of you that you notice the change. "You're going to eat this with me."

   His father laughs at it and...cheers? The newly greying man slurs his question, reeking of alcohol. "Growing up to be a man so soon?" 

The adults laugh with him, praising how well he's developing into "someone to take charge" and is a shining hope for a family. In the corner of your eye, you see him smirk with a twinkle of pride in his amber eyes.

It all goes over your head but doesn't sit right with you. You look at the plate in front of you. Although you love a good dessert, you don't touch it. The evening continued on without you picking up on his growing curiosity, rage, and infatuation. 

  Of course, you parents talked about the prospect of the two of you together. Apparently, they noticed him eyeing you from across the table and how "smitten" he was. You simply answered, ‘no’. 

 That was the last time you talked to or about him or any of the Zenins. As the years went on, your parents worried about your future and marriage. You brushed them off time and time again, much to their irritation. It got to the point where they were even threatening to cut off your college fund for it. Needless to say, you left. No one gets to decide shit for you. 

  With the help of some friends and a caring teacher that you remained close to, you were able to have a temporary shelter until you could get on your feet. It took months of saving and odd jobs but in the end, you were able to get assistance for college. 

  It was all liberating. Working hard and thinking for yourself. Being free without being proper or worrying about a stain or two. The blood, sweat, and tears were all worth it. Years later, you graduated at the top, opening hundreds of windows of opportunities. 

  Unfortunately, Zenin completely slipped your mind. He was never on it to begin with. How were you supposed to know that your interaction meant something? Or that he would remember you, someone who he met once several years ago?

     You woke up in a good mood, having dreamt of memories, strangely. You remember how excited and nervous you were when you got hired at your job. Leo, your boss, is a boisterous and kind man who's larger than life. Despite this, he is stern in his rules and direction. It makes you chuckle on how your first day went exactly one year ago. After only a few minutes after meeting you, he decided to 'manifest’ that you'd get a higher position. Now, a higher position is open, and you are one of the people who are thought to be considered for it. Of course, you aren't banking on it. You've only been there for a short time and there are plenty of people who have more experience and do an overall better job than you. 

It's nice to be thought of for the job even if you aren't really up for it. Not officially, at least. However, you have worked hard for a better position. 

  It's only been a year when you got hired and met all of your friends. At work, you clicked with Yuki, a woman with a gorgeous smile and has goddess braids that she herself put in (she made sure you knew that). When you first met her on your first day at work, she took an immediate liking to you. She talked animatedly about her dress for her sister’s wedding. As it turns out, Yuki does not like pink taffeta.

 

  “It’s like she’s trying to make me ugly! Look at this. This is what I’m supposed to wear.” Her slim fingers scroll through her phone for you to see a bubblegum pink taffeta dress with one sleeve on the shoulder and lavender lace on the waist. The dress is form fitting until the bottom fluffs out in magenta tulle. 

  “Oh my God.” Lord, help her this is ugly. “Exactly! I’m not wearing that, screw it.” You pop a french fry in your mouth. “So, what're you going to do?”

  Yuki stops for a second then puts a wicked smirk on her glossy lips. Her mocha skin glows in the sun from the window behind her. Her eyes gleam mischievously. “Wear a wedding dress.”

You nearly choke on your food. “Yuki!”

“She’s doing this on purpose. Look at the other bridesmaids.” She shows you four silk, Grecian like, gowns with subtle and elegant designs. “See? And I get stuck with that.”

   You chew on your burger. “Could it be a joke?”

“No. Not unless my mom’s in on it which wouldn’t surprise me. She’s always been like that with us.” Yuki sips on her pop. 

  “This may be bad advice but go for it. Be the belle of the ball.” She laughs. “Yes, yes, yes! I knew there was a reason I liked you.” 

 Now that you think about it, yesterday was her sister's wedding if you remember right. You wonder if she went through with it. 

You stretch and get ready for work, looking forward to the possible talk you'll have with Leo about the promotion. Not only will you be accomplishing a goal, but you'd also get higher pay which would make Em, your roommate, happy. 

  "Morning, Em." She gives a light wave, clearly not fully awake yet. Confused, you look at the clock. "Shouldn't you be at work? It's seven."

"Hired a morning worker, remember? So, I shouldn't be working at four in the morning everyday thank God."

"Amen." You say and start making coffee. Although she is the owner of an excellent cafe, you usually make the coffee in the morning. It's your way of giving her a break from it even if only for a moment. You start to lightly chuckle as you notice the green jar. 

"Don't you even think about it. I'm serious!" Em warns. You shake it a little. "You don't want decaf?" 

  She puts her hands on her hips. "It's seven in the morning. I need the hard stuff." You put the decaf down and grab the regular. "I wanted the hard stuff, too, remember?"

Em looks at you questioningly. "When I applied for the apartment? You served me decaf."

"Ha! That's the same jar too." 

The house was of a decent size and clean. The outside didn’t look like much but the inside was decorated nicely if not a little quirky. In front of the entrance is a rug that looks like the carpet in The Shining. A clock on the wall in the shape of an apple, throw pillows of different designs and some look homemade. The paint on the walls is different in each room. Could she not decide on which color?

  “Alright, where are you from?” The woman who is about your age with long hair asks. Her eyes are warm, and she has a few freckles. They’re cute, you note. 

   “I wasn’t born here, if that’s what you mean. I was raised in Kyoto though.”

  She nodded, taking in the information and understanding your wording. You don’t want to talk about that. Lucky for you, she’s easy going and aware. “Okay, I get it. I don’t like thinking of that shit either.”

  You look around the kitchen, secretly looking at the corners and the trim, wondering if you’ll see anything. So far, there isn’t a big hitch. “What’s the catch?”

  She hums and looks up at you. “It’s a little too good to be true. I mean, sharing a house for this price?”

  She scratches her face. “No catch. My old job helped me keep up the place, then I got fired and was able to finally get my cafe together.” She takes a breath. “I make enough now to not rely on my savings so much but not enough to pay for and take care of a house.”

   You nod. “I get it. Y’know, getting started late.” You truly understand. After high school, it took you a hot minute to get to college and get hired for jobs. 

“Exactly. Everything is overwhelming so I decided to risk my life and take my chance on a potential serial killer. Anything to save a buck.”

   “If it helps, I’m not one. I’m quite normal,” You shrug. “Terribly, boringly, normal.”

She pats the counter in an upbeat rhythm. “How unfortunate. Coffee?”

  She holds a pot. “Sure. Thank you.” As she finishes pouring you a mug, she looks up at you. “It’s decaf by the way.”

You stop mid sip. “Why would you do that?” You make her laugh to herself. 

“By your reaction, I already like you. You’re quiet but a go-getter. Don’t sell yourself short.” You don’t touch your decaf again. 

Em scratches her head. "That shit's got to be expired, toss it." She stops scratching and studies you. "What made you so nostalgic this morning?" That's a good question, honestly. "There's something in the air, I guess."

"Well don't bring that shit over here. It's way too early to think about my past, hell. I need something a little stronger than coffee if that's what we're doing." You roll your eyes at her. "No, Em, that's not what's happening."

  You pour her a cup and place the cream and sugar before her. "It's possible that I get that promotion, y'know? I'm not fully qualified but it's possible. I'll be making more money..."

"That reminds me, your half of the rent is due." 

"Em! I'm serious." She nods. "I understand what you're saying," Em looks at the clock. "Can we table this? We both have to get ready." 

As you exit your car and walk into the building, you notice a familiar looking vehicle. For the life of you, you can’t place it. So, you ignore it and continue on. “Good morning, Rue.”

  You wave at the receptionist who has the phone against her ear. She gives you a quick wave before exasperatingly answers whatever was asked over the phone.

  “Ah, (L/n). This is the new hire, Naoya Zenin.” The name sounded so familiar to you. His hair is distinct, and eyes are very catlike. You can’t pin it, but you know him from somewhere. The little tick in your mind is pushed back. If you can’t recognize him then it doesn’t matter. 

  The man pats Leo on his back. “Transfer. Nice to meet you.” He shakes your hand with a firm grip. “So, I was about to give him the tour, want to join?”

  “Leo, I already know my way around.” Your boss looks at you incredulously. “I distinctly remember you having to ask for directions to the bathroom.”

  “Fine.” You scoff, a little embarrassed that he knew that. Leo leads the tour. Naoya asks questions about the departments and officials. Leo answers with ease then adds, “Then again, you aren't in this department."

  "You misunderstand, I am not in a department. I am the future CEO." Your eyebrows raise. Leo copies your expression sticks and his hand out. "Oh, well, nice to meet you!" 

"Did you not know this, Leo?" You whisper to him. "No, one of the higher ups asked me to. I didn't think anything of it." 

 The transfer pays no mind to you. You didn’t get the vibe that it was intentional though. You break off and head to your cubicle. From the corner of your eye, he studies you as he and Leo walk away, with Leo explaining the company in his usual light tone. 

  “I did it!” Yuki runs up to your cubicle. “What?” 

She pulls out her phone to show her selfie she did in a stark white wedding dress in a bathroom. The dress was studded and had a mermaid silhouette and a sweetheart neckline. In usual Yuki fashion, her makeup was elegant and had a dramatic lip stain to her full lips. 

  “I can’t believe you went through with it…” She slides through the photos. She had the gall to take a picture of her throwing peace signs as her sister cries in the background. 

  “Hey, you told me to!”

“Oh come on. You were planning this before I…well, encouraged it.”

“Uh-huh! See!” You roll your eyes at her flamboyant demeanor.  “Anyway, I didn’t stay long or was dramatic about it or anything.”

  You side eye her and raise a brow. “Really?”

“I wasn’t! I felt too much like a lady. Look at me with my opera gloves.” She points to one of her pictures in her gown.

   “Since you weren’t dramatic, do you think your family will take that into consideration?”

“Nope. My mother sided with her through it all and my dad then walked me out.” Yuki and her father are close. So, to have him escort her out must’ve hurt a little. “He said I looked pretty then he shut my car door.”

  “Are you okay?” You whisper, noticing that her gaze went a little far. She blinks multiple times and lightly slaps her cheeks. “Yep! Oh, here’s Junie the other day!”

  You respect her wishes to drop the subject and go on to coo at the image of her daughter, who shares her name. Rather than calling her Yuki as well, it was decided to just nickname her Junior. 

---------

 At lunch, you, Yuki, and a few others decided to go to a small mom and pop pizzeria. It’s small and dingy but by the Lord in heaven, they make excellent pizza. Per usual, you argue about the toppings. No one can make up their mind or compromise. You groan at the thought of ground beef being on your pizza with no cheese. 

   “Rue, I swear to God-” 

“What? I’m lactose intolerant!” 

  The chair next to yours scrapes, causing you to look up at the transfer, Zenin. “We’re getting separate pizzas. It’s the easiest way, don’t you agree.”

 His tone and words rub you the wrong way. Getting separate personal pizzas is an easy route, but how he worded it sounds wrong. Like he’s telling you. Rue raises her brows in a welcomed shock. She elbows Yuki, who is still looking at the menu for her toppings. Your friends might see this as a turn on, but it’s off putting.

   Leo joins the group and explains that he and Zenin were at lunch when they were told that you and your friends went to the pizzeria. The waitress looks at you. “Crap…” You look over the menu, having forgotten what you wanted. Unexpectedly, Zenin pipes up once again and orders for you. 

  “We’ll share. It’s on me.” Zenin tells you. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that. Seriously.” 

“Hear that? It’s on Zenin!” 

“Should’ve got extra toppings…” Rue whines. 

   Thirty minutes after random conversation, the pizza is out. Zenin puts a slim slice on your plate. 

You’re in mid bite when he talks to you. “It's a fitting size for you." What the hell? 

"Meaning?" You talk to him lowly, not drawing attention from the rest of the table. He shrugs and answers, "Meaning, it's the right size." 

That didn't clear up shit. 

-------

  Since Em has decided to hire new staff and use some of her extra time with music classes, you hang out at her cafe alone. As you sip on your drink and read a book, someone takes a seat in front of you. You perk up and look up at the person. You end up meeting Zenin's cat like eyes. You are still unhappy and uncomfortable with how he acted at lunch a few days ago. 

  "What're you reading?"

"A book." You cross your legs. He sighs like he's dealing with a child rather than an adult who just wants to be left alone. "Did you not like the pizza?"

"Barely remember it since it was basically bite sized." He scratches his ear. "I only did that because Rue said you were insecure and watching your portions. I was just trying to support you."

That never occurred to you. It's not like you hate yourself or think low. You're just trying to watch it. "I'd appreciate it more if you didn't do that." 

He freezes for a second. "Me doing and saying that must've come out wrong. Let me buy your coffee." You shake your head no, denying his request. "It's fine. I already paid."

 “No, no. I’ll get your money back and pay for you. My treat.”

You stare at him blankly. Honestly, you have no idea what the fuck is going on. “I already paid. I don’t want you to.”

  “It’s the proper thing to do.” He lightly grabs your arm, rubbing circles on it. 

You scoff. “I don’t want you to pay. Think of it as a thank you for covering the pizza.” You get up and leave. There is something deep that’s making you flinch as you walk away from him. This dread and anticipation from a predator. 

  “Stop, don’t be dramatic.” You whisper to yourself, shaking away the feeling. There’s nothing to be weary of. This is a colleague, for crying out loud! Not some man in a white van. 

  You don’t tell Em what happened at her cafe since it was nothing to worry about. At least that’s what you tell yourself. Through the night the encounter ran through your mind. For some reason, it’s not leaving.

-------

  Nevertheless, you head on and go to work the next day. 

You enter your office thirty minutes before your time. You flick on the lights and see Naoya sitting in your chair with a coffee in his hand. He gets up and gives you the warm drink. You notice that it’s warm, not hot. 

“What are you doing here?” Figuring that it may not be best to come off as accusatory or aggressive, you ask him with a smooth voice. “Well, with that report coming up, I guessed that you’d show up early,”

   He spots something on you, staring intently at it. Naoya isn’t the most imposing man physically. What he lacks there is replaced in his demeanor and behavior. Naoya touches your face.

  “Women shouldn’t wear so much makeup. It’s unbecoming.”

“What I do is none of your business, Naoya.” His eyes darken ever so slightly then clear up. 

“Just be careful. People might get the wrong impression.” He touches your chin slightly. His eyes move to your lips and wipes them with his thumb. You stop breathing. You want to jerk your head away and fight but God…

 “Enjoy the coffee.”

You can’t stop shaking.

-------

At lunch, you tell your friends what happened. “What?”

“Yeah. The coffee was warm, too.” You tap your foot. 

  Rue smacks her lips. “So what? He thought you liked warm coffee.” She takes another bite of her sub. You rub your temples. “No, I mean he was there for a while. It wasn’t warm like hot but lukewarm. He was there, in my office, in the dark, without my permission. He was waiting for me.”

   The two of them stop eating. Speak of the devil and he’ll appear, the man walks in with a group of his colleagues. You couldn’t help but glare and make an annoyed face. Yuki points it out first. 

  “Honey, if you keep staring at him like that he won’t pay for your coffee anymore.” She says teasingly.

  “I say take advantage of it, personally.” You roll your eyes at Rue and turn to Yuki. “That’s what I’m hoping for.” 

Leo comes up to your table. “What are you three clucking about?” You scoff at the man who seems to never get rid of his smile. “Rude. But to answer your question, (Y/n) over here has some news.”

  Rue, you discover cannot hold water to save her life. Suddenly, he gets serious after she spills. 

“You can take this up with HR. They can take care of this.” You sigh. “Don’t worry, I can handle him.” 

After work, you head home. Nothing’s different or out of place in the routine. The neighbors still wave at you and the dogs still bark. Em isn’t at home, like normal at this time. Everything seems fine. 

  You get out of the car and lock it. Before you can even take the first step, another car pulls up. It’s sleek and black, clearly expensive and well taken care of. Out of the car is Naoya. You can’t hide the shock from your face. 

He followed you home. You didn’t even see him.

He comes stomping towards you with a cup in hand. “I assume you didn’t drink the first, right? Here. Since you’ve acted like a brat all day and need coffee to behave.”

   “This is seriously inappropriate! What are you doing here?” You don’t take the coffee from his hand. “If you don’t take it, I’m not leaving, I swear to God.”

  You take it hesitantly. It’s iced and is slowly melting. “Since you don’t know how to act, I’ll have to teach you. Lucky for you, I’m a forgiving and patient man.”

  He pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Read it. And drink.” He turns around and leaves you and slams his car door.

Dear, 

When I provide, let me. It is not an option to deny a protector his darling and for you, my Summer sweet, to reject what I give.  This letter is for you to know that the innate primal instinct is forever in your name even though you disrespected me. 

Nevertheless, I will be here. Let me show you what a man’s supposed to do a few times. Denying an advance of a beautiful relationship speaks volumes of your pain that I wish to heal. One date at a time, one night at a time. All that is needed is your obedience. 

  “This letter…baby this is a threat. It’s…what’s the word? Crazy? Obsessive? You have to do something about this.”

“Rue said something about his position that worries me. His superior is his father. He’s got me over a barrel.”

“Yeah, he seems like a spoiled ass. What's this about your obedience? A night at a time? The guy’s a pig.” She tosses it on the counter. “This man can’t be reasoned with. He followed you home, broke into your office, followed you to my cafe-this is serious!”

  You know that. You know that this guy is growing scarier. “I can handle it. I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

“Baby, he asked you out in a threatening letter. Love? Being a provider and protector? This is insane. You have to tell your boss. Go to HR, something.”

“Leo knows of how he’s acting. But he’s out of the loop about Zenin following me home,” You walk through the kitchen for a mug. “Besides, HR is going to think we were together! They won’t believe me. Not when he’s sitting in a fancy chair that daddy gave him. I’ll handle this.”

"Why would HR think you're together?" She puts her hands on her hips. "Because it's a romantic poem-"

"There is not a damn thing romantic in this trash. At all." She rubs her face. “What’re going to do? All you did was not drink a coffee and he followed you home and wrote a threatening letter. This is serious!”

You pour a cup of coffee, not even wishing for the one Zenin gave you. “I can do this. Trust me.”

--------

At lunch, you tell your friends what happened. “What?”

“Yeah. The coffee was warm, too.” You tap your foot. 

  Rue smacks her lips. “So what? He thought you liked warm coffee.” She takes another bite of her sub. You rub your temples. “No, I mean he was there for a while. It wasn’t warm like hot but lukewarm. He was there, in my office, in the dark, without my permission. He was waiting for me.”

   The two of them stop eating. Speak of the devil and he’ll appear, the man walks in with a group of his colleagues. You couldn’t help but glare and make an annoyed face. Yuki points it out first. 

  “Honey, if you keep staring at him like that he won’t pay for your coffee anymore.” She says teasingly.

  “I say take advantage of it, personally.” You roll your eyes at Rue and turn to Yuki. “That’s what I’m hoping for.” 

Leo comes up to your table. “What are you three clucking about?” You scoff at the man who seems to never get rid of his smile. “Rude. But to answer your question, (Y/n) over here has some news.”

  Rue, you discover cannot hold water to save her life. Suddenly, he gets serious after she spills. 

“You can take this up with HR. They can take care of this.” You sigh. “Don’t worry, I can handle him.” 

After work, you head home. Nothing’s different or out of place in the routine. The neighbors still wave at you and the dogs still bark. Em isn’t at home, like normal at this time. Everything seems fine. 

  You get out of the car and lock it. Before you can even take the first step, another car pulls up. It’s sleek and black, clearly expensive and well taken care of. Out of the car is Naoya. You can’t hide the shock from your face. 

He followed you home. You didn’t even see him.

He comes stomping towards you with a cup in hand. “I assume you didn’t drink the first, right? Here. Since you’ve acted like a brat all day and need coffee to behave.”

   “This is seriously inappropriate! What are you doing here?” You don’t take the coffee from his hand. “If you don’t take it, I’m not leaving, I swear to God.”

  You take it hesitantly. It’s iced and is slowly melting. “Since you don’t know how to act, I’ll have to teach you. Lucky for you, I’m a forgiving and patient man.”

  He pulls out a folded piece of paper. “Read it. And drink.” He turns around and leaves you and slams his car door.

Dear, 

When I provide, let me. It is not an option to deny a protector his darling and for you, my Summer sweet, to reject what I give.  This letter is for you to know that the innate primal instinct is forever in your name even though you disrespected me. 

Nevertheless, I will be here. Let me show you what a man’s supposed to do a few times. Denying an advance of a beautiful relationship speaks volumes of your pain that I wish to heal. One date at a time, one night at a time. All that is needed is your obedience. 

  “This letter…baby this is a threat. It’s…what’s the word? Crazy? Obsessive? You have to do something about this.”

“Rue said something about his position that worries me. His superior is his father. He’s got me over a barrel.”

“Yeah, he seems like a spoiled ass. What's this about your obedience? A night at a time? The guy’s a pig.” She tosses it on the counter. “This man can’t be reasoned with. He followed you home, broke into your office, followed you to my cafe-this is serious!”

  You know that. You know that this guy is growing scarier. “I can handle it. I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

“Baby, he asked you out in a threatening letter. Love? Being a provider and protector? This is insane. You have to tell your boss. Go to HR, something.”

“Leo knows of how he’s acting. But he’s out of the loop about Zenin following me home,” You walk through the kitchen for a mug. “Besides, HR is going to think we were together! They won’t believe me. Not when he’s sitting in a fancy chair that daddy gave him. I’ll handle this.”

"Why would HR think you're together?" She puts her hands on her hips. "Because it's a romantic poem-"

"There is not a damn thing romantic in this trash. At all." She rubs her face. “What’re going to do? All you did was not drink a coffee and he followed you home and wrote a threatening letter. This is serious!”

You pour a cup of coffee, not even wishing for the one Zenin gave you. “I can do this. Trust me.”

--------

At work, you avoid him like the plague. You even go as far as to change your schedule, much to your friends' dismay. Anytime he was conveniently on your floor for some fake ass reason, you leave. This behavior is becoming suspicious to your friends. They know of how he acted towards you but not to the extent that it has gotten. 

  Hopefully, he’ll stop coming towards you. He’ll stop breaking into your office and leaving coffees. If this continues on, you will go to HR. 

  You park your car and head inside the shabby little building. The lights flicker outside, fighting the dark. Its bold red print on the sign is fading and the parking lot only has a few cars. It is a writer’s class that you found with an excellent and self published writer for a teacher. All of your peers eagerly wait for her to come in. 

“Hey! Did you get something down?” You ask Ren. His thick hair gets in his face before he moves it. His dark eyes trail to find yours and have a sparkle of excitement in them.  

“A chapter! Like, a whole chapter. I couldn’t believe it.” You gasp and pat him on the back. “Getting out of your slump! I can’t wait to read it.”

  Suddenly, the door opens and reveals a devil. Naoya Zenin waltz’s through in his casual clothing. The teacher introduces him to the class. You are the only one that doesn’t welcome him, earning a curious look from Ren. The teacher goes on and asks for anyone to present. Zenin stands up with his catlike eyes gleaming and a smirk on his face. This can’t be good. 

  He clears his throat. “My dearest dream weaver, my heart’s sake divine. I’ve wondered about these streets for years, hoping for a moment of clarity from you. Alas, there isn't a thing to make you go away. Did you know this when you saw me, you with a beautiful face?

 You, my nightmare who keeps me up, a ghost of a heavenly past. I gave you words of my declaration yet you turn away from me. The turn of your face and hidden eyes aren’t what’s terrible in my mind. It is the question of what’ll happen after.”

The class is silent until the teacher praises his poem. He stares into your soul, a cold wash scaring you. After class, you get up and practically run outside. “Hey, let me drive you home!” 

“No!” You shout at Zenin. You need to get out of here. To run into your home and hide. “Don’t be difficult!” 

You drop your keys on the pavement right as you try to put them into the slot. Your hands shake.  “Shit, fuck!” 

“I just want to talk!” 

You hear a car and see bright lights. No one drives a fancy car like that except for him. 

“Please, please…” You get inside and lock the doors. Wasting no time that God has given you, you drive like a bat out of hell. 

  “I need to go…” You come to the decision. 

--------

 You tap your foot, nervous about this meeting.

“What are you talking about? Naoya Zenin is the son of Naobito Zenin. It is said that out of his brothers, he'll be the one to inherit,” HR is an older woman with pristine white hair in a bun. Her lipstick is a bit dry but otherwise impeccable. Her voice is so proper it makes you want to take classes to clean yours up. "This is not some run of the mill employee. What happened?"

  “He’s followed me home twice that I know of, to my writer’s class, given me coffee and letters. He even read one in the class.”

  “Perhaps you misunderstood the writer’s class letter. It could’ve been his genuine assignment.” She sits in her chair and gestures for you to follow. You sigh as you sit down. “No, it was his first time. He couldn’t have known about any assignments. Ma’am, please. He stares at me while I’m working and hovers through the entire floor until he finds me. I’ve even had to change my schedule to avoid him.”

  She brings out a paper, a form for her to fill out. You begin to smile when you see that. “Did you have a prior relationship?” 

“No, no. I don’t know him.”

“Spend time outside of work at any point?”

“His first day, I think?” She writes in perfect writing. “But everyone went. Actually, Rue and Yuki were with me at the time. We were already there when he and Leo showed up. He paid for the meal, but that’s it.”

  Her eyes don’t look right to you. You smile anyway. Once she moves her eyes from the paper to you, a perfectly trimmed eyebrow raises up. “Do you always smile like that?”

  Your face drops at the question and your heart aches when she writes it down. 

You cry in the bathroom. Seeing your makeup smudging, you desperately try to save it at the same time. 

“(Y/n)? What’s wrong?” Yuki comes in. Looking at her concerned face, tears start to shed again, relentlessly trailing down your face. Without hesitation, you spill everything. You don’t have the letters with you at the moment, but you insist on the legitimacy.

“I believe you.” You throw your arms around her neck and hug her. Her vanilla scent has always been fragrant and sweet. Yet never has it been sweeter and more welcomed than now. 

  “Come on, let’s go out to lunch. How about your friend’s cafe? She makes excellent muffins.” You chuckle and wipe your tears. “How can you think of food at a time like this?”

“Easy,” She looks you over, inspecting your state. “Oh honey, you’re a mess. No way am I going there with you.”

  “The hell?” You look into the bathroom mirror and see what she means. Your mascara is running, foundation is suffering and various other things. You laugh as you side eye her. 

  “Come on, let’s fix you up.” 

You bring out the only touch up makeup you have in your purse and do the best you can. 

At the cafe, you see Em and wave. She hurries to you and Yuki. “Is everything okay? Is it the creep again?” She rubs your back gently. 

“We’re just hungry and here for a ‘pick me up’.” Yuki smiles. Em pats her chest. “I was about to say. That creep is a menace. Do you know?”

“Yeah, she told us that he was in her office. I just now found out about the legit stalking when I found her in the bathroom. I knew he was being weird, but this is crazy.”

Em nods and turns to a barista with bright blue eyeshadow and full lips. “I need muffins, coffee, chamomile tea, cookies-”

“That’s not necessary, Em.” You touch her hand to get her to stop since she is still going. After she’s finished, she sits down and asks you, “So what happened? Why were you crying?”

Yuki nods and thanks the barista who sees your red, puffy eyes and gives you a sympathetic smile. You take a sip of your coffee and then clear your throat. The thought of the meeting that you just had makes your lip wobble. 

“Apparently, I smile too much.”

---

The next day you attend work, the elevator door opens to a bouncing Leo. “You’ll never believe the news I have for you.”

  You step out and walk alongside him, passing your colleagues and unattended Dahlia plant on a random desk. The receptionist on the floor scrambles to his phone and answers it with a professional, yet tired, tone. It matches Rue’s perfectly. 

  “What’s the news?” 

“You’re up for the promotion.” You halt and gasp. “Me? Are you serious?”

“Dead. Come with me.” You follow him earnestly with questions on your tongue. “Why? There are people who’ve been here a lot longer. Surely, there are people who are better.”

You knew that you were talked about, but for you to be put in front of the line is crazy. He opens the door for you to enter his office. “Enough with the questions. Listen, this is a prime opportunity and you are way better than you give yourself credit for.”

You sit down on one of his chairs. “Leo, I’m serious. There must be a mistake.”

“Nope!” He sits behind his desk. And turns his pencil holder twice. 

“Who would take that risk? Yes, I work hard. Yes, I am driven. But I’m not experienced enough. I knew it was possible for me and I’m excited! But for me to be actually getting it?” You bounce your stocking covered leg. “Something’s wrong. What is it?”

  Leo turns his pencil holder again. “It’s a promotion with numerous benefits. Higher pay, a better office-”

You interrupt. “Who’s taking that risk, Leo.” Your suspicion is growing. Not just because of the proposition, but the way he turns his clay pencil holder with his daughter’s sunflower painting on it. The way he avoids the answer and has a wide smile on his face that is now looking forced. 

“A promotion is a promotion…right?” He sounds so unsure, almost as if he’s asking you for the answer and permission. The answer to this riddle is right there. A name and a face deep in your gut. “Zenin?”

  Leo and the whole office knows about him now. It was Yuki’s form of being petty. No one has said anything to him or the higher ups, though. “Yes.”

  “Leo! No, no I won’t accept something he has to offer. If I get promoted it will be fair and square.”

“I know it’s not ideal, but the rest agreed on you. Even though he brought you up, it was unanimous.”

  You shake your head, now completely disgusted. “Leo, I won’t. I’ll never owe him a damn thing.”

  Leo stands up. “I’m with you then, kid.”

------

You go to H.R. again. “Ma’am, look into it again. He’s now getting in the way of my job.”

She scoffs and takes a deep breath. “This promotion-”

“Isn’t right. I take pride in my work, absolutely so. What Zenin is doing isn’t fair to anyone. If I get a promotion, it’ll be on my terms. I won’t win unfairly. I won’t let him bypass all the others that deserve a chance at getting this position.”

   She studies you and your conviction. “I will never owe him a thing. Here are his letters,” You slam them down on her desk. The thick wad of paper slaps against it, showing just how bad it has gotten. “And these aren’t even the ones he’s written in my class.”

  She licks her lips. “I know this is odd. But men in his position are a bit eccentric anyway as far as I can-”

You interrupt her. “I also wrote down all of the witnesses including those on my floor. He walks through it and stares at me, following me. Tries to make conversation even when I say no. He’ll touch me in harmless ways that have more meaning than they look. He’ll break into my office! Lord only knows what sensitive information he’s touched."

  You put your hands on her desk. "Ma’am, I’m unrelenting on this. He’s still following me home. You have to do something.”

She nods subtly. “I can suggest counseling to the higher ups and show how this has become. I cannot guarantee what’ll happen.”

   It’s better than nothing. “What if they say he has to go and he doesn’t? He has a high position, also.”

 “Yes, he does. But a unanimous decision trumps him anyway. May I keep these?” You say yes and push the letters to her. “And if there are any photos, emails, phone calls, anything, give them to me.”

---

 When coming home, you decided not to go to your writer’s class. You haven’t dropped out, though. Breaks are good. They’re exceptional even. Perfect for mental health. This is the lightest you’ve felt in a while. Things were being taken seriously and the ball is rolling. You exit the car and are met with a furious Zenin, who comes from behind your home. 

“How dare you. How dare you!” He stomps over to you. His hair is still in place and his suit is still pressed. “I hand you the answer to your prayers and you bite.”

“I’m not taking that promotion, Zenin. I want to get it fairly, without help.” 

“Naoya. Call me Naoya.” There's a lilt in his voice. He stands perfectly straight and unbothered. He takes a deep breath. “Perhaps you didn’t understand me to begin with. (Y/n),” His voice is back to a serious tone. Zenin clasps your hands gently and stares into your eyes with sincerity. “Our relationship is simple. You are my woman; all I require is your obedience.” 

He caresses your cheek. You can’t breathe. 

“No.” Is all you can muster. You run inside to find the door unlocked and Em sitting in the living room. Quickly, you lock it securely. “Is the back door unlocked?”

“What?” She props herself up. “Is it unlocked?!”

“Don’t yell at me!” She drops her magazine on the coffee table. Your breath is ragged, too scared to work properly. Em makes her way to you and is gentle. “Everything’s locked up. Why? What’s wrong?”

“He’s out there. He thinks we’re together. It’s not a crush. He genuinely believes we’re in love.”

  Em peeks out the window and sees him in his car, clenching his cellphone. The home phone that Em insists on keeping, rings. She answers it, not bothering to look at the ID. Suddenly, a wicked voice speaks through. 

“Put her on the fucking phone now!” 

“How the fuck did you get this number?” Em is way calmer than you. Way, way, calmer. “Put her on-”

“No!” She hangs up. The black corded phone rings again and again. “I can’t stay here, Em.”

“I’m going with you. No arguments.”

The two of you quickly found a new apartment with new numbers. Even the cafe’s number changed. The apartment isn’t the best. It’s a cheap one with bad neighbors and a shady landlord. All of it is temporary and honestly, you feel safer here. What you feel bad about is Em’s house. She still owns it and is trying to find new renters or if it comes down to it, buyers.

-----

 It has been days, weeks, since you have had to be subjected by Naoya’s presence. Although the first day was refreshing, you can’t help but wonder if this growing anxiety is from his absence or from impending doom.

  “Okay, you guys. I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back.” 

Your friends, Em, Rue, and Yuki sit at a little round table waiting for the loaded nachos appetizer. You head to the bathroom and dodge the plenty of people in the popular bar. The smell of cigarette smoke and cold beer is slight. The dim lights still work and help you find your way. 

   Finally in the bathroom, you touch up your makeup. Not just for yourself but for a man at a table who has been eyeing you since you came in. Strange thick white hair, sparkling blue eyes, and perfectly sized lips. His long fingers gripped the beer glass, completely wrapped around it. How his round eyes peered over the glass just to look at you made your face incredibly warm. 

  It has been a while.

You finish swiping your lipstick when a loud bang shocks you. A furious Zenin charges towards you. His eyes are bolder and eyebrows so furrowed that you could swear they’d stay there. He is growing redder by the second and his hands twitch with anticipation. 

  “What did you do? How could you?”

“I need to go-” You try to brush past him. 

“Don’t take another fucking step, I swear to God.” He comes a little closer. “How could you? Lie about me to the office and my colleagues? Force me into counseling to talk to a quack about our relationship? After all I’ve done to show my love, this is how you act. You embarrass me?”

  “I never wanted to embarrass you. I just want you to leave me alo-” He smashes the mirror with his bare hands and yet has no scratches. You shriek when the impact occurs, your instincts realizing that you may die here. That he really is a man on the edge.

  “Is everything okay?” A woman with dull red hair and bright green eyes enters. She looks at the two of you curiously and gasps at the mirror. 

  “Get out!” He screams at her. She screams and takes off. “Help me, please!” You yell before the door closes. You pray she heard you in time. To get some kind of help or to at least come back to save you. 

   “How far do I have to go? For you to remember our love? To accept it and how much of a man I am? Why do I even have to prove it?!”

“You don’t have to prove anything! We are not in love!”  He backs away slowly. “Don’t make me lose my temper. Do not push me there. Take the promotion, work with me. I have to keep you on a leash since you won't behave on your own. Your rightful place is by my side, (Y/n). As your fiancé, I demand it.”

  “I’ll go to the police, Zenin. I swear I will.” Tears stream down your face. You slowly back away. He opens the door. “If you do, I’ll show you what I’m capable of, God have mercy on you and me.”

When the door closes quietly, you faint, hitting the pink tile. 

--

 You walk to HR with the red haired woman’s number and statement in your hand. Along with it is the manager’s, and multiple people who heard your cry and saw you being carried out unconscious by the white haired man. 

   “Here. You wanted evidence. All of these people are witnesses on how far he will go. He trapped me in the bathroom, threatened me, broke property and-and-” Air is being slowly taken from you as you try to talk. A clenching feeling in your chest threatens to burst. 

   “This. I’ve had to move, change my number, I can’t go back to my writer’s class without him being there, convincing everyone that the letters are from his love rather than his psychosis.”

  Her eyes become wider by the second as she reads everything. “I encourage you to get a personal restraining order. I’ll bring this to the higher ups but I cannot guarantee a company one. He has already been told to stay away from you unless necessary.”

You shake your head as tears fall. “I can’t. He’s threatened-”

“That matter is up to you. I will go by company protocol. This alone will not be enough, (Y/n).”

---

“What are you saying? Do you know who I am?” Zenin bounces his leg slightly, determined to not show that this is getting to him. The bright room with several elders at the rectangular table stare at him. Not a single thing in this is comforting. 

“You do understand how serious this is, don’t you? Phone calls, stalking-”

“We’re in a relationship. We have been since we were kids. Our parents arranged our betrothal. I’m merely acting as a man should with his future wife.”

  “No, no that’s not how it goes, Naoya.” A woman sits straighter, observing his behavior, catching every little thing. Naoya taps his fingers on the wooden table. “That’s the proper way a married couple acts. This isn’t stalking, this is making sure she stays in line.”

  “She isn’t some fiance of yours. She’s an employee. Our employee.” A man with greying hair gestures between the higher ups. Naoya sits straighter. “Am I not a part of that?”

   “Depends.” The woman states. He can’t help but glare at the woman. “As a shareholder, a man of the future position of CEO,”

“This will halt that, Naoya. That’s what we’re telling you.” 

  The world stops. He can only hear the faint buzzing noise. “Are you taking this company, my inheritance, away from me?” He’s burning hot. 

“We want you to stay, Naoya. But this behavior has to stop. This is serious.”

Naoya stiffens then with the calmest tone says, “I have weapons like you wouldn’t believe. If I lose my job, my heritance, because of my woman’s dramatization, I’ll end it. Not just me but everyone.”

  “Are you saying, if you lost your job, you’ll kill us?” The woman stiffens. “Everyone. I am Naoya Zenin, a man who will not be rejected.” The air is sucked out of the room. 

----

 “Naoya Zenin has been fired.” HR comes to you personally. “I want you to take a couple of days away. Not just to your home, but elsewhere. Just for a few days.” 

“What’s happening?” Leo asks. He stands next to you, curious and cautious. 

“It’s been handled. (Y/n), this is not our problem anymore. The ball is in your court.”

  You stand up, smoothing your pencil skirt. “Thank you.”

“For your safety, I suggest a restraining order immediately.” She leaves. Leo looks at you with a frown on his face. "What the fuck happened?" You shrug, not wanting to know the answer. 

  “Mother?” She’s the first thing you see when the door opens with a suitcase in your hand and a forced smile on your face. “What’re doing here, child?”

“I just need to sleep here for a few days. Is that okay?” You didn't want to bring Em, Rue, and Yuki into this. You thought it was best to leave the apartment for a bit, so it didn't disturb anything. 

“No. Not after all of this,” She closes the door and steps onto the porch. “Why now? After your independence.” 

She crosses her arms and looks at you condescendingly. You want to scream. “A man at my job is stalking me. He just got fired because of it and they suggested I hide.”

“What?” She uncrosses her arms and gently touches your arm. “It was one of my bosses. He’s completely delusional.”

  “W-well, who is he?”

“Naoya Zenin? You probably never heard of him. He was a big shot at the company but he assaulted me-”

“Child, who did you say?” You repeat his name that tasted foul on your tongue. “Why would you do this? He was almost-”

“What? You know him?”

   “You do too. Then again, it has been a long time. Back then, he was smitten with you and we tried to set the two of you up. Never did I think he’d go this far. Especially when it was denied. Both of you went your separate ways.”

  Your mouth falls as you process her information. “Mom…this can’t be. I don’t remember him at all. Did he know of your plans?”

“Yes, he did. His father was joking about it. Nothing was to come of it.”

You drop your suitcase. Is this why? He deluded himself or possibly love you in a psychotic yet childish way? “What do I do now?” You whisper, totally flabbergasted that he remembered you and held onto this. Something that was to never be. “Ha, actually, you’re the one who rejected him-”

“Mom! What do I do?” Her lips go to a thin line, contemplating your problem. She looks up at you with an intense stare. “Get a restraining order. It was a bad idea to do all of this but now you have no choice.”

The way she put it stings but the answer to the problem is a restraining order. It’s exactly what you did. Called a lawyer and got a temporary restraining order until trial.

--

 It goes downhill from there. 

The trial is set for this week, which you prayed that the day would come soon. Only for it to be met with gunshots. The first floor is the first to meet him. You hear them clearly while in your office. The window looks great to jump out of right about now. Before you can think anymore, Naoya bursts the door open with a bang. You stand up, terrified of not only the gun but how blank his expression is. Like this isn’t fazing him in the slightest. 

There's no air in the room just pressure. Time is frozen as the two of you have a stare off. A buzzing noise comes from the broken lights in the hallway, the metallic scent of blood is too much. There are red splotches on his clothes and on the large gun. He carries more on him, more disgusting violence and stupidity. 

  “Naoya, no!” You grip the edge of your desk, hurting your finger. Perhaps the pain from it will wake you up from this nightmare.

“As my wife you should’ve known better. A restraining order? Against your husband!”

“I didn’t remember-”

He curses at you and fires a shot. Your body topples back from the impact. He stares at your unconscious figure, then goes to leave. "I know you're not dead yet. You better live because I'm not through with you." 

  When you awake, the shots are still firing. Screams are still heard, and the nightmare continues. “No, no, God, please…”

  Your upper arm was hit, the bullet clean through. The blood is all over your shirt and even on your bottoms. You take your jacket off and press it onto your wound. Shakily, you stand up and slowly walk out. Reo, the receptionist on your floor, is the first you see. Slumped over his desk with a phone in his hand. The red dahlia plant is shattered.

  Next, are two colleagues who worked at the other side of the floor, shot in the back. You quickly walk away, doing it as quietly as you can. 

  With every popping sound you flinch harder and harder. The phone on someone’s desk is untouched with blood or a dead hand. You pick it up and call for the police, somebody, anybody. “My name is-”

A smooth and stern voice interrupts. “This line is for-”

“Please, please save us. I’ve been shot.” You whimper. His tone changes to one of complete sympathy. “We can’t storm in right now. Just sit tight and hide. Where are you? What’s your name?”

  You tell him what he wants to know. “He’s on the third floor I think? I can still hear him.” 

   “Thank you so much. Now, (Y/n), you have to hide. Put pressure on the wound and hide.”

“I’m doing that already. Please get me out of here-” You hear another shot that is closer. You duck behind a barrier, hearing the devil enter. The phone rings and Zenin answers with annoyance in his voice. “Before you say anything, you need to know that this is all because of her. My wife.”

“Who?”

“(Y/n) Zenin. Had she just listened, accepted me as her husband and a man, we wouldn’t be here. It’d never have come to this. This is all her fault.”

  You silently cry at the truth. It is true right? Maybe if you just caved and went to him, accepted his love and left everyone out of this, they’d be alive today. “I will blow this building to hell if you don’t back off.”

Not bearing to hear it anymore, you crawl out the best you can. Worried for your friends, for everyone. "She's missing. I think she's walking around or escaped. If you see her, tell her I'm coming for her."

  You hit the stairs as quietly as you can. He’s still ranting about you to the policeman. Hopefully the love of his own voice overpowers the sound of your footsteps. You see the sign for the lobby and push the doors open to it. Glass is everywhere in the lobby and blood coats the walls. To your right is Rue, laying on the floor with her eyes open in horror. Her red lipstick matches the blood on her chest. You touch her face with an apology on your tongue. 

   “Forgive me, forgive me…” You leave her and exit this hell you created. You pray that everyone else escapes it. You pray that time rewinds and you alone are punished with this. For Rue, for everyone.

   The ambulance hauls you in. The corner of your eye Yuki stands with an officer, desperately hanging onto him, crying. You’re on the bus before you can apologize. 

 It takes hours of surgery to fix your arm. You’re ordered to stay for a little while. The small white room smells of bleach and cleaner. You can't close your eyes, or you will see Zenin, standing at the door waiting for you. It changes every time you blink. He'll have a gun and another he'll be completely unarmed and leaning on the door frame, smirking. You can't get rid of his image. 

In the room comes Em and surprisingly, Yuki. Right as you see them, you beg for forgiveness and your apologies fill the room. You look Yuki in the eyes and are reminded of Rue’s death. Her bloodied corpse and horrified face will stick with you forever. 

 “Enough!” Yuki yells. She sports a cut on her eyebrow but otherwise looks alright if you don't count the slight shaking. “It’s over. All done.”

“He’s not out there anymore. He can’t hurt you.” Em says sweetly. She comes to your side and holds your trembling hand. Her warmth tries to bring you a comfort that you reject. “It’s all my fault. All of it. Every single-”

“No! This is on him and him alone. You have the right to say no. You did what you had to. It’s no one’s fault but his.”

  “Yuki…” You can’t finish your sentence, choking up. Yuki’s eyes are watering. “We’ll survive this. He won’t win.”

“Ever.” Em affirms. Yuki grabs your hand, too. The guilt will always be there. But his hold will fade away one day at a time, and every time you will spit on his grave.

[thefallennightmare]

MASKED PART TWO: COMING FRIDAY DECEMBER 6th.

Heyo! I know I should be working on it instead of making yet another teaser cover but I actually have been working on part two. It’ll be posted on Friday! So in the mean time enjoy this sneak peek! Once again, I will post the CW’s because this story is very dark and will not be for everyone. And that’s okay. Your mental health matters 🖤

18+ TRIGGER WARNINGS: angst, fluff, language, stalking, kidnapping, breaking and entering, watching someone sleep, blood and sexual intercourse in someone’s blood, some medical talk, a very brief mention of bombing and the aftermath of it, a scene of someone receiving stitches, two mentions of the use of drugging, murder, torture, and smut which includes p in v, primal play, knife play, branding, mask kink, chasing through words, consensual nonconsensual, oral with female and male receiving, fingering, possible anal play, bondage, and edging. I might add more to the warnings the further I get along while writing. But for now, these are all the warnings so please, read at your own risk.

Written snippet below the cut!

Pain.

So much pain.

My bones ached with the screams of this pain as I screwed my eyes tighter, not daring to opening them. My head throbbed like someone had hit me with a slab of concrete. The pain was unbearable, I could hear myself screaming out in agony.

Wait. No.

Those weren’t my screams. It sounded like it was coming from outside of my mind and body. Followed by what sounded like skin against skin and bones breaking.

“Pl-please. St-stop!”

With a groan, I slowly lifted my head from the ground and spewed out a few choice curses when the pain nearly knocked me back down.

“Beg all you want, your fate isn’t in my hands.”

Blinking awake, I felt my heart rate pick up at the sight all around me. Glass walls caged me in like an animal while my hands were changed to the ground, no more than three feet of wiggle room to move around. My breath caught in my throat and I tried to thrash out of my binds, tears burning my eyes.

No. No. No.

“I warned you that if you flew too far, I’d have to clip your wings, Angel.”

Snapping my gaze away from my bound wrists, I let out a fearful sob at those familiar dark eyes, sinister smirk playing on his lips. There was a man bound to a chair next to him, bloody and bruised; nearly unrecognizable.

“Let me go!” I cried, tasting copper on my lips for the first time.

Those dark eyes assessed me through the glass wall, it creating a barrier between us.

“I will. All you have to do is kill him,” Masked.Omens chuckled darkly while twirling knife between his fingers; tattoos covered with crimson.

[shortstrawberry]

Hi hey omf I'm so glad you like my art and such cndmnd and even let me request stuff your writing is so amazing btw omf sorry this got me excited hahaha

But yeah yeah you said I can request anything and if it's cool for you to write abt my lil concept of Donna keeping MC's skull w her?? If it's not too much that is hahah I have the context for it in a reblog— Anyways yeah omf you're so cool ncmsns

For the readers, this is the art @knightlystargazer is referencing to. A wonderful and beautiful piece of work!

Also, ask and you shall receive, always!

Now some trigger warnings: Mildish Gore, violence, depiction of mental breakdown and obsession

****

Donna felt the red from her vision clearing away. Still, she only saw red. It was on her clothes, her hands, even on her face. She was covered in red.

The florist knew something has went terribly wrong. The blood was pounding in her ears so loud that she didn't even hear the loud cackling of someone else in her shop. Instead, Donna helplessly stared at her hands, before finally looking down at what she has done.

There, underneath her lay you. The person Donna so dearly loved. Still loves. And you were covered in even more red than Donna. It was all over the floor, and all of it coming from the heart. The very same heart that Donna adored to hear the beat of. Just laying her head against your chest and listening to your heart like it's her own lullaby.

One, two, three, dear lord how many times did I ---?

Donna's hands began to tremble violently, her eyes filling with tears. Her face was so covered in red that anyone would think she was crying tears of blood. And maybe she was, as Donna let out a desperate wail of grief and loss.

The laughter sound of the intruder only got louder at the pained screams of Donna. The florist immediately whipped her face towards the cause of this whole tragedy. The damned monster who has taken away everything from her.

"You! You fucking bitch."

Donna snarled, making Mother Miranda laugh louder. Donna saw red again, but this time it was caused by her own love, and not some twisted spell this witch stabbed her with.

Donna lunged for the woman, her knife ready for taking Miranda's throat. Unlike Miranda who has her cult for protection, Donna has lived her whole life in a war for survival. It wasn't difficult for Donna to physically overpower Miranda.

Donna felt herself crack even more when Miranda just smiled to her face, even with a knife against her throat.

"Go ahead, take my head for all I care. But your so called dolcezza won't come back. Not for you, at least."

Tears burned in Donna's eyes. That's right, what's the use of bloodying her hands with this witch's blood? The timeline would be reset again, and Miranda will make sure that her dolcezza would never even look at her. No, just like the previous rounds, Donna would be a outsider. Trapped in her greenhouse with hemlock and oleanders. Watching everyone else take you away from her.

Donna pushed Miranda away with a frustrated scream, feeling her sanity slipping away like grains of fine sand through a sieve. It's over. It's all over for her. All her life, all Donna has done is to make sure others are happy. Whether it be her sister, Angie, the Dimiterescu family and even this damned Miranda. The one time when she got someone that makes her happy, and it gets taken away.

"Why not spare me just this one round? Just one round?!"

Miranda this time didn't laugh at her. Instead she just looked at a crying Donna with what looks like borderline pity.

"You're just like me. You would have never let go either."

Donna cried harder, dropping to her knees beside her long gone dolcezza. She heard Miranda walking away, but she didn't care. She instead clutched at you, her fingers pressing down on the marks that she has left on the gentle body. Hoping against hope that blood would just stop flowing.

"You promised. You promised. You promised you'll never leave me!"

Donna looked around frantically, searching for something, anything that would keep you with her. Her eyes fell on a potted plant blooming Oleanders.

A flower that means captivating love. A love that is yours forever. A love that she wishes was hers forever.

A twisted smile formed on Donna's red face, knowing what she can do now to keep you with her, forever.

Sarai sempre mio, tesoro

You will always be mine, darling

[josephquinnswhore]

•dead men don’t kiss•

chapter one ; an opportunist.

summary: Mrs. Simmons has exhausted all of her leads, and reluctantly agrees to the offer of two rugged cowboys with a mutual interest; killing Colm O’Driscoll.

content warning: mentions of violence, blood, suggested murder and brutality, interrogation, threats.

word count: 1.6k

How many O’Driscoll boys would you have to beat bloody until one of them finally cracked? Over the years, you’d developed a pretty effective interrogation system. One that had worked all through the mountains and valleys of almost every town you’d encountered.

But the O’Driscoll boys that had been sent to monitor the area of Strawberry were different, perhaps Colm was actually managing to recruit men that had half of a fucking brain. Decent with their aim and unfortunately for them and you, tight lipped.

Wiping off the remaining evidence of the last O’Driscoll boy you'd once again failed to get answers from onto your jeans, you pull a stool up to the bar. It sure did raise some eyebrows, but no one dared to ask. These folk in Strawberry, if good for nothing else, minded their own business.

Tossing a few dollars onto the sticky bar, you usher the bartender. “Whatever’s strongest on the shelf.”

The man obeys, pouring a small shot glass of whiskey. “Our finest, miss. Enjoy.”

The glass hadn’t been polished properly, the sight causes a grimace on your irritated features. But the whiskey slides down your throat with its coursing burn that, perhaps; loosens your tightly strung limbs.

“Mister.. what’s your name again?” Calling to the un - busy bartender, pointing to your empty glass as you slide it back to him. Although, as it seems, the glass was now stained with your smeared cherry red lipstick.

“Alden, miss. Alden Pensor.” He greets, re - filling your shot glass and sets it back down in front of you.

Shuffling in your seat the gaze you shoot the man from under your wide brimmed black hat is menacing. “Now, Alden. Would you say this is a fair town, a safe town?”

Alden is weary of how things had turned stiff so quickly, he doesn’t want any fuss, the sheriff was gettin’ mouthy about Alden’s complaints of patrons as of late. He was reminded that if he kicked everyone out of the bar, that he would have no customers and no money. Most of the time it saves all of the mishap of folk searching for illegal drink, like moonshine and causing the entire town havoc.

“I would like to think so, miss. I done lived here all my life and ain’t had much trouble. Save for a few youngins stealin’ from my wife’s garden.”

At that, you slide off your stool and lean against the bar. “That’s how this town should stay, wouldn’t you agree, safe?”

He merely nods. “Anyone would be a fool to deny it.”

The shot glass is shattered against the wooden bar as you slam it down in seething rage and lurch over the bar to grab onto his collar. “So god help me, Alden. Help me understand, friend. Why are there O’Driscoll boys camped at every damn corner ‘round here?”

In an attempt to diffuse the situation, the middle aged man raised his hands in surrender. “I ain’t sure, miss. This is the first I’m hearin’ about any of them boys ‘round here. I swear!”

You shove the man backward, and point your finger at him. “If I hear as much as a whisper that Colm O’Driscoll has been in here all friendly like with you, you’re done, you hear me Alden?”

“I’ll write to you if he shows his face here, I—I swear miss.”

Satisfied with his answer, you fix his collar that you’d just roughened up. “I’ll be in touch, friend.”

Goddamn saloon was full of cowards, entire building full of half drunk patrons that didn’t have the gall to stand up to you, or even give a shout of any word about Colm, surely one of his men were amongst the yellow faced crowd of drunks. They, with any hope, would send word to Colm. Perhaps if the man himself managed to grow a spine over the next week, you’d face off with him yourself.

All you wanted was to look that sack of sorry shit in the eye and make him pay, make things right—

“Miss?” A deep voice calls to you. He’s an odd looking feller. Tall, dark hair and a strangely styled moustache.

Pausing your steps on the creaky and ever splitting wooden steps to your hitched horse, taking a moment to inspect the man. Armed, of course, and it seemed he had a friend with him. Taller, broader, probably his first hand man.

“The hell you two fellers want?”

The older man raises his hands. “Just to talk, that is all. I couldn’t help but overhear you speaking of Colm O’Driscoll.”

Every limb in your body reacts, muscles tighten, every hamstring pulled taut. “If you are one of his boys, this ain’t gonna end well for you.”

The man laughs. “You are sorely mistaken, miss. That man and I.. have an extensive past, but I assure you, it is not favourable.”

He's gained your attention, and a few seconds to explain himself before you drop him with a bullet in the middle of town. “So who are you then, hm? Some rich prick he’s stolen from? I don’t work with no goddamn law neither.”

“Let me ease your mind, miss. My name is Dutch Van Der Linde. This is my associate, Arthur Morgan.” He gestures to his buddy, who finally steps out from behind Dutch.

Younger, burly, goddamn handsome bastard.

“I heard a bit about you lot. So what’s all this got to do with you, or me? This Colm business.”

Arthur piped up this time. His hands sliding into his Jean pockets as he leans against a wooden foundation pole to look down at you. “Maybe we could help each other out. We’ve even havin’ our own issues with Colm for years.”

A huff escapes you. “That so? Why ain’t you killed him yet then? Suppose you recruit buffoons from the doomed circus from Saint Denis?”

Dutch laughs, putting a hand on your shoulder as he steps down the saloon steps to attempt a more personal proposition.

“You sure seem like you know how to manage yourself, miss. I suggest joining forces to kill that bastard once and for all.”

Looking between the men, perhaps this was a stupid idea. But they clearly weren’t Colm’s men, in simple regard to intellect and presentation.

“Try anything,” you warn lowly, lowering your hand to rest on your holstered pistol.

Dutch pats your shoulder. “Come now, if nothin’ else we are men of our word, wouldn’t you agree Arthur?”

“Sure,” Arthur replied with a sigh.

Real reassuring, damned jackass.

“Lead the way.” Nodding your head at the men, you unhitch your horse and mount the sturdy beast. The men go ahead and you follow on behind, keeping a deadly eye on them, and your surroundings.

“It’s alright girl, I know.” Marbelle whinny’s as you kick your spurs into her side and accelerates to keep up with the men.

It’s a short journey on a main trail way until you reach their camp.

“Everyone listen up. We have found ourselves an ally, one that is going to help us succeed in killing Colm O’Driscoll. Once and for all!” The unfamiliar faces cheer at Dutch’s hollow promise, although you wish it were true.

Arthur puts a hand behind your back, hovering above the material of your shirt to assist you in dismounting, which you sent a steely glare. Like you hadn’t dismounted your own damn horse before. “Come with me. Spose I’ll get you settled in.”

Reluctantly, you follow the man. The camp was nice, Horseshoe Overlook, many times had you followed the trailway past but never through. These people had some sense, camping off the trail, onto a flat near water. A decent camp set up with a boiling pot of.. whatever the hell that sloppy brown substance is.. and a pot of coffee.

Naturally people stare, which you don’t reciprocate the smiles, you’re not here for a goddamn social calling.

“I’ll set you up next to me, got a fire nearby an’ all so you should be fine through the evenin’ with it cooling down and such.”

Eyeing the man, you huff. “Thank ya, don’t plan on stayin’ long though.”

“Course not, not like that’s what these folk said too,” he laughs in amusement.

A deep rooted sense of anger gnaws at you. “I ain’t like them.”

He studies you, helping string up the material to a pole with some rope creating a makeshift tent for you. “If you say so. What’s your name anyways.”

A lurch in your heart, the name you haven’t uttered in months, now surfacing with all of the rotten, supple and corrupt grief you’ve tried to suppress for years. “Mrs Simmons.”

Arthur seems to recognise some of the deep rooted resentment as you speak and hums in acknowledgment. “Well, Mrs Simmons. Best get some rest. I’m sure Dutch will be botherin’ you first thing tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Mr Morgan.”

“Don’t mention it.” He doesn’t walk far off, his bedroll is on top of a small cot on the other side of a wagon that also supports the quick makeshift tent for you.

Being surrounded by people again was odd.. almost made you yearn for more company. Most of the evenin’ you lie awake, the breeze is cutting through the thin bedroll of yours and the fire had snuffed out long ago. The locket on your skin felt heavy, burdened with the image, the root of your suffering.

How could you sleep? When all that was on your mind was that coward Colm O’Driscoll. If Dutch was any use to you at all, perhaps you’d be seeing justice sooner than you anticipated.

[tacomedli]

Tainted Hero - Chapter 1

Sooooo I'm gonna try to start writing this story again, it was started in 2021, posted to ao3 in 2023, aaaaannnnd I never got past the first chapter. But here's to hoping! Anyway this chapter is already on ao3 obviously but I figured I might as well post it here too as something to get me started again.

Sneak peek:

Warriors barely glanced at them as this was happening, but in the split second that he was distracted he heard another cry--this time coming from none other than Legend. The captain watched in horror as vines of a black something crawled up the vet’s body, coming from--coming from his shadow.

“LEDGE!” Wars ran forward, not really having a plan but knowing he had to reach their veteran. The other heroes were shouting behind him, and he heard the thud of boots running in his direction, but he ignored it.

“I’m fine,” Legend bit out, then grabbed one of his legs and yanked. “I just can’t move.”

Warriors wrapped his arms around Legend’s torso and pulled. No luck.

The black grew steadily, now climbing up his waist. This was not good. 

Full chapter under the cut!

The monsters were infected, of course. It had been a while since Warriors had seen any that hadn’t been. In fact, the last time had probably been back before he’d met the other Link’s. What had caused all this strengthening black blood, anyways? Probably Dark Link, as he’d appeared in battle a few times to watch them from afar.

The heroes had grouped off into pairs, watching each other’s backs, with Wolfie helping out where he could. Twilight was nowhere to be seen, as he’d been off fetching more firewood when the ambush had happened. Hopefully he hadn’t been caught by monsters himself.

Warrior’s train of thought was interrupted by a particularly heavy slash from the lizalfos he was currently fighting against, and he almost staggered under the weight.

Keeping his balance was difficult on the uneven terrain, reminding him that they still had no idea whose time they were in--if anyone’s at all. Wars gave one final stab through the flesh of the lizalfos, piercing it through the heart. With an agonized squeal and a puff of purple smoke, the enemy was gone forever. The hero took a deep breath and turned around, looking for anyone who needed help.

His eyes widened when he saw the Shadow himself, the despicable Dark Link, sitting lazily in the branches of a nearby tree, his expression somewhere between amused and bored. 

“Time!” Warriors shouted, throwing a look over his shoulder at their unofficial leader. “The Shadow is here!”

Eight pairs of ears (though one covered in fur) perked up at that. If only these monsters would give them a break so they could face the real threat!

Time grunted in response, unable to move away from the two stalfos that were currently circling him. Wolfie bounded up to him, snarling and making to bite the ankles of one of them. Time spared the wolf a glance, his grip on the Biggoron Sword tightening. “Wolfie, I got this! Go help Warriors!”

Wolfie gave a sharp bark in return, then turned around to scan the battlefield for royal blue and midnight black. 

It wasn’t hard to spot. War’s blade flashed silver in the sunlight; scarf billowing out behind him. Dark Link’s grin was eerily wide as he slipped down from the tree limb, not bothering to equip any sort of weapon.

Wolfie’s eyes narrowed as he sped toward them. If the Shadow was unconcerned with the danger surrounding him, then he must have something up his sleeve yet. Wolfie wished briefly that he was human right now, so he could shout some sort of warning to be cautious in Warriors’ direction. 

At that moment, Warriors risked a look behind his shoulder. He’d heard Time’s yell, so it didn’t surprise him when he saw Wolfie coming closer. What did surprise him was the blur of red and green that matched an arrow’s speed, and the fierce battle cry as the Tempered Sword was raised high.

Legend.

Dark Link didn’t move until the last possible second, whipping out a blade that was black as coal to counter golden orange as Legend slammed into him. Warriors didn’t even know where the black sword had come from--but knowing Dark Link, it was probably summoned by dark magic or some other evil spell thingie.

Said Dark Link was unharmed from the attack, but even so, the force with which Legend hit the Shadow’s blade sent them both skidding forward a few feet--or backwards, in the Shadow’s case.

The latter still grinned as he pushed against the interlocking blades with a shove, forcing Legend to jump back. By this time Warriors had reclaimed his wits, and after taking a deep breath, charged the Shadow head on.

Dark Link was light on his feet, however, if the next minute proved anything. He barely even used any sort of magic as he alternated between defense and attack with his opponents, Wolfie included.

Neither side was gaining, though the heroes seemed to be the only ones growing tired. They’d been battling a camp of monsters up until now, after all, while Dark Link had only laughed to himself as he watched from the safety of an oak.

Upward swing, jump back. Spin attack, shield. Dodge, jump back. Swing again--

Warriors could feel the beads of sweat rolling down his temple, and was all too aware of a surprisingly painful pebble in the bottom of his right boot. How much longer was it going to take before someone else came to help? He’d like to think the three of them could take the Shadow on themselves, but he’d learned long ago that underestimating the enemy was no small mistake.

Wolfie jumped to bite Dark Link’s arm, but as he’d done countless times before, the Dark side-stepped him while simultaneously clashing swords with Warriors. That eerie grin was finally gone, but there was a glint in his eyes that Wars didn’t like one bit.

Legend threw himself forward yet again, hoping to get in an attack while the Dark was occupied. However, Dark Link vanished into thin air just before Legend could reach him, causing Wars to stumble from the sudden lack of pressure.

“Argh!” Legend whirled around. “Where are you, you--”

Warrior’s eyes widened. “Leg, look out!” he yelled as the Shadow reformed behind the veteran. 

Legend knew exactly what Warriors’ warning meant, and that if Dark Link was truly behind him, there wouldn’t be any time to turn around before he was quite literally stabbed in the back. So instead, he opted for a spin attack.

Which probably would’ve worked--if Dark Link wasn’t insistent on showing off his teleportation magic. Or in this case, his ability to merge with the hero’s shadow. Legend stepped back quickly as soon as he realized what had happened, but of course, his shadow followed.

Wolfie snarled, but heard an indignant yelp as Wind was disarmed by a stalfos a few feet away from them. He sprinted to the boy’s rescue, clamping his teeth down hard on the culprit’s neck as Wind hurried to retrieve his blade.

Warriors barely glanced at them as this was happening, but in the split second that he was distracted he heard another cry--this time coming from none other than Legend. The captain watched in horror as vines of a black something crawled up the vet’s body, coming from-- coming from his shadow.

“LEDGE!” Wars ran forward, not really having a plan but knowing he had to reach their veteran. The other heroes were shouting behind him, and he heard the thud of boots running in his direction, but he ignored it.

“I’m fine,” Legend bit out, then grabbed one of his legs and yanked. “I just can’t move.”

Warriors wrapped his arms around Legend’s torso and pulled. No luck.

The black grew steadily, now climbing up his waist. This was not good. 

Suddenly, Sky was there. “I have an idea,” he said, looking to Wars.

“Well, let’s hear it,” the captain replied, voice clipped. “Doesn’t look like we have much time here.”

Sky nodded, then held up the Master Sword. Sacred light climbed the blade, preparing it for a Skyward Strike.

“Oh, none of that, please,” came the disembodied voice of Dark Link. “If you’re going to be so rude, I think I’d best take my leave.”

Legend inhaled sharply as the black vines grew higher with increased speed, beginning to cover him—

“NO!” Without a second thought, Warriors lunged to grab ahold of his friend, unsure of what this strange magic would do and not really wanting to find out.

His fingers barely grazed Legend’s shoulder when there was a sudden flash of light, and he was no longer in the middle of a battlefield. His stomach grew nauseous and he was light-headed, and before he knew it he was keeling over and everything hurt and something felt wrong and—

Warriors’ eyes peeled open, and he blinked a few times. He immediately noticed two things: one, they were in a very dark and ominous prison cell, and two, Legend, who was slumped on the ground next to him, wasn’t moving.

Great. Just great. This was wonderful.

[kidrauhlschik]

Hard To Let Go - KSM POV

~ Hard To Catch - Strike One can be a stand alone - this is Seungmin's POV ~

The term Strike Two comes from baseball, where a batter is allowed Three Strikes at a fairly pitched ball before being called out; thus, a batter with two strikes has but one more chance to hit a fair ball.

~ please read the warnings. ~

~ TW

Warnings: ANGST w a happy ending, depression, explicit injuries, self harm, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, SUICIDE ATTEMPT!TW (PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF IT MAY BE TRIGGERING), if this would affect you in anyway, please steer clear and stay safe. Put your mental health first! lmk if i missed anything!

A/N: Strike one can be a stand alone, but i really wanted to explore Seungmin's little depressive era, and I may make a Strike Three as an epilogue lol. THIS IS NOT A STAND ALONE THIS IS AN ADDITION TO THE FIRST PART BUT IT IS NOT NECESSARY.

Word count: 8.2k

~ TW

Choosing to walk away from your door was difficult. He wanted to knock again but at the end of the day, he knew better. He is Kim Seungmin after all. It felt odd for him to knock on your door after facing rejection. He was practically used to it from you at this point. However, walking away from your building, his brain started going in millions of different directions. That was very unlike him, but getting close to the end of the year, he began to get worried.

Was he genuinely beating a dead horse? Were you never going to see him in the way that he sees you?? A part of him feels as if he should respect your wishes but at the same time, Seungmin wasn't accustomed to losing. Ever.

Maybe by graduation he could accept the fact that you would never see him in the same way that he sees you, but he didn't want to. A part of him felt as if you cared for him too.

When he was halfway to his dorm, he got a bad feeling, but he passed it as the rejection you had just given him, which made his heart ache, it did not make sense to him. He had always been genuine with you, always trustworthy, and always there for you. He spoke of you in the highest regard. To him, you were everything. Would you never love him back? Or at least give him a chance to prove himself to you?

He’d never pressure you to anything. Which is why he kept all of his despair from your rejections, hidden and masked from everyone.

Although he was lost in his thoughts, he heard footsteps approaching him. They were fast, so much so, that before he could fully turn around, both of his arms were being held by two people, one on each side.

Panic obviously set in. His thoughts stopped, and his fight or flight instinct set in. It was hard to put up a fight when a bunch of men were around him. He wasn't sure of how many, but it was definitely more than five against one.

Despite his disadvantage, Seungmin still managed to free one of his arms. With his right fist, he was able to make contact with the chin of one of the men. In retaliation, they held him back once again, and the same guy that Seungmin managed to land a punch on, returned the favor by landing a hit near his eye.

After recovering from the hit, Seungmin tried to open his eye, only to be met by complete darkness. The guy that had hit him managed to hit him with enough force to break the skin above his eye, causing the blood to pool through his vision . Had the guy aimed a bit lower, Seungmin’s actual eyeball could’ve been seriously hurt.

It would only get worse from there.

The next thing he knew, a sharp pain came to his left leg. He heard his bones breaking before he could actually feel them. That caused him to drop to one knee.

He heard laughs and rambling but his brain focused on the pain coming from the rest of his body. They were restless. Anytime he would try to look up or stand, another hit would land on his gut, or someone would step on his broken knee.

Once he fully dropped to the ground, he felt someone step on his wrist, the pain was so intense that he was scared his skin and bone would rip from the impact. At that point, he was too confused to understand the situation, all he knew was that he was supposed to leave. Sadly, the people that were holding him down had different plans.

Next thing he knew, one of the guys that was holding his arm, brought his arm up and kneed his elbow so that his elbow would fold backwards; that was a pain that he never imagined he would feel.

The punches and kicks didn’t stop. They were mocking him. Whoever they were, they wanted to make sure Seungmin wouldn’t be able to get back up.

He wondered what would have happened if he had never gone to visit you. He would have probably practiced for the upcoming game with the guys. Instead, his thoughts were racing back to when he was with you.

As the group left him blue and bloody, all he could think about was you. It all led to you.

He stared at the stars above. The sky was clear, but to him he could only see the blurs up above.

He wondered if he would die. How ironic. After all, you'd end up being the death of him. That wasn't true though, but he had no one else to blame. So he chose that the person at fault would be you. After all, if it wasn't for you, he wouldn't have been walking home this late on his own.

It's irrational, but as his vision began to fade from all the hits to the head he'd gotten, all he could think of was your smile. How you laughed when he picked you up in the baseball field after you enjoyed his passion with him. His last thoughts before he lost consciousness were of your rejection. You dismissing him like you'd done before.

He felt stupid.

He hoped that he wouldn't wake back up.

~

When he finally opened his one functioning eye, he automatically closed it again in response to the fluorescent lights.

"Min." It was Chan's voice.

"It'll be okay man. We are all here for you." Of course it would be Chan as the guiding voice. That alone, made Seungmin concerned. His brain seemed to block off the night before, it was like trying to catch up to something he wasn’t there for. All he knew is that he wanted to get up, he wanted to move and inspect his surroundings, but he couldn't even achieve that. It was confusing to him.

"Y/N is on her way." That name. Your name. He fought his fuzzy thoughts to remember why your name mattered so much at the moment.

"No" It was barely audible, but that's all he could manage to say after just waking up.

"Hey guys, the doctor is here." That was Minho's voice, Seungmin could tell, even thought he couldn't even see him yet.

He heard a couple of footsteps. He couldn't quite understand the situation yet, but he assumed that the guys were making space for said doctor.

For a second he wondered why a doctor would be relevant in the situation but then his mind started racing once again.

"Hey Seungmin, how are you doing?"

He didn't open his eye.

"Seungmin, I'm your doctor. My name is Dr. Jae-Soo Hun. I'm here to help you. Can you hear me?"

At the question, Seungmin tried his best to open one eye to show the doctor that he was conscious, which was very difficult considering how many painkillers he was under, which probably didn’t help the slowness of his brain at that moment. Once again, Seungmin managed to open his eye because after all, he was still the best at everything.

"Doctor?" Was all he could muster.

"We have taken your vitals. You have no damage to any of your vital organs and it looks like you'll recover like a champ in that regard." Champ. Seungmin had always been a champ. He knew that. "However, you did take some serious hits." That made it click. He finally remembered that after he left your place, he was caught by surprise and beaten. The doctor’s words made Seungmin want to chuckle at the understatement, but he didn't have enough energy to do so.

"What..." He took a heavy breath, "What does that mean?"

The doctor sighed and responded, "It means that you are very strong, but a full recovery will almost seem impossible based on what your X-ray exams tell us. However,-"

"However?! Is that not enough?" It was Changbin to butt in. The doctor didn't take him into account though, he kept on explaining.

"That means that you should have died. You're lucky to be with us right now." Seungmin’s first thought was that the doctor was being a bit dramatic. Sure, he was jumped but it couldn’t have been that big of a deal. Right? He’d recover just like he’d recovered from previous injuries in his past. At least that’s what was running through his brain.

"I'll be okay for the upcoming game right?” He looked at his teammates, but the guys, wearing somber expressions, were looking at ground, unwilling to make eye contact.

"Kim Seungmin, it’s a miracle that you’re alive right now. You suffered enough blood loss to have permanent brain damage in the best case scenario. Based on the damage caused by the assault, one wrong hit would have killed you on the spot.” The doctor stood tall. Making his point clear.

"Does that mean I can't play the next game?” To him, what the doctor was saying were just words. There is no way that the perfect Kim Seungmin would ever miss a game. Everyone knew that it was on Seungmin to lead the team to the finals, but no one anticipated what was to come.

"I apologize Mr. Kim, but your right wrist is shattered, and so is your elbow."

Seungmin immediately became clear headed at the doctors words. His right arm? That meant that he couldn't throw a ball, he couldn’t bat, and that he couldn’t catch. Dread fell heavy on his chest, his breathing halted as he actually took in reality.

The doctor continued, "Your left knee is also broken, and you spine took a bit of damage as well.”

"Okay so I can skip one game," He could recover right? It would take some time, but he is sure that he would be fine for the last game of the season. “But I can come back this year right?”

Unfortunately, the doctor looks at him grimly.

"Mr. Kim. I am afraid that you will have to leave your baseball career behind in order to prioritize your recovery." Seungmin couldn’t see, but Jeongin turns his back from the doctor to cry at the wall. Chan holds Felix’s shoulder as the pair try their best to not breakdown as well. Changbin looks as if he’s about to commit murder, and the rest of the guys are still looking at floor, trying to keep themselves together. They’re not mourning a player, they are feeling for Seungmin’s situation, because they all know what this will do to him.

"I can’t do that." Seungmin gathers himself again. "Baseball is everything to me. That’s my thing. That’s the thing I love the most." And you, but right at that moment, with each passing second, all the love he has for you is slowly turning into red hot hatred. Poison invades all memories that involve you.

"I'm sorry Mr. Kim, but in my professional opinion, that does not seem like an option based on your body's current state. You’re going to have to go through physical therapy for the foreseeable future. Perhaps, maybe in the far future, you could recover enough to participate in the sport.” It’s like the doctor was not aware of what he was saying, he had no idea that he was shattering Seungmin’s future like a wrecking ball on glass.

"Doctor, you don’t understand, I'm going to join the Lotte Giants." He looks at the guys who are still avoiding his gaze, “Guys! Tell him! You guys know me, tell him I’ll be fine!” His tone changes from confusion to desperation with every word. Almost begging for this reality to be a dream.

"Mr. Kim..."

Seungmin's eyes search the bed, almost hoping that his body will respond to his pleads. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t break through the pain holding him back.

“No…” His voice timid and broken. Chan thinks to himself that he’s never seen Seungmin this way, not in the slightest. One of his best friends, the rock to support on, the comedic relief to fall back on through tough times, the guy who is always there for everyone. How is he supposed to help him? He knows what Seungmin truly wants, and it pains Chan that he can’t help him through that.

If they were under different circumstances, Minho would laugh, because if any of the guys were in Seungmin’s current state, Seungmin would go and make a deal with the devil to help them out. Minho would do the same for him. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the devils number, so all he can do is let the silent tears stream down his face with a bitter smile.

Seungmin truly breaks when he catches a glimpse of Felix and Changbin. Felix has tears streaming down his face, and he is trying his best to keep quiet, while Changbin let's silent tears fall down his cheeks as he stares at the doctor, his face being unreadable between anger and sadness.

Tears unwillingly begin to catch up to the champ. Finally understanding how dire the situation is, reality finally settles in. His delusions begin to fade and he starts seeing the world for how it truly is. Cruel. Unfair. Brutal. That was a side of the world Seungmin had never seen before. The go-to-lucky guy was getting his light dimmed because the universe decided to finally show him what reality is truly like.

"Please get out." Seungmin''s voice is cold and harsh, which was very unlike him.

"Seung-" Chan tries to reason with his friend before he is cut off.

"and don't tell Y/N. I don't want to deal with this, I don't want to deal with anyone, much less the pity."

Through sobs, Felix manages to speak, "Seungmin we don't pity you."

"Get out!" It's more of a plead than a command. The guys do not know that the second they finally walked away, Seungmin broke down to pieces. If he could've trashed the room he would've, but instead, he thrashed around the bed to the best of his ability as silent sobs caught in his throat at the acknowledgment that his future is non-existent.

Everytime he closes his eyes, he sees your face. The image of every rejection you have given him replays in his mind. If he hadn't gone to you, he would be fine. It's technically your fault. His downfall is all because of you. The person he loved the most is the cause of his demise, and he doesn't think he could ever recover from that.

The fact that he still loves you is poisoning his brain. It feels like a betrayal to himself. The love becomes toxic in his blood, every bit of affection turns into red hatred.

The thought of his resentment towards you simmers in his brain as he calms down and looks at the white ceiling. He continues reliving the night prior, yet he can't remember who the culprits of his incident were. He never had a chance to pinpoint them, his first priority was to get away, but he never could.

The rest of his hospital stay becomes miserable for him. Starting off from the events that took place when you tried to visit him.

All he could think about was your selfishness as you plead with him. Every word becomes more and more hypocritical. Every encouragement is a lie. The pain in his body and the stress of the situation becomes too overwhelming for him.

He wanted to share his pain. When he took everything out on you he felt relief, but something about being the reason tears were streaming down your face irked him. He knew he felt guilty. After so long of being the reason for your smile, and wanting nothing more than to make you happy, causing misery for you felt off. He pushed through those feelings and turned them into pride. He should feel proud. After all, you’re the reason he’s lying there, broken.

Useless.

~

He only allowed Jeongin to take him home from the hospital, the youngest being his closest friend. Yet, he didn’t speak to him much at all.

“How are you feeling?” He would keep on asking, only to be met by tight lips and silence, which was more than enough according to Seungmin.

Seungmin refused to ask for help, luckily his friends would come by without asking first. They’d cook for him, though he didn’t eat much. They’d clean for him here and there, but Seungmin wasn’t doing much aside from lying in bed and simmering in his own misery.

You’d come too, but he never let you come inside.

The guys would question him in the beginning, wondering why he had it out for you specifically, but they stopped bringing you up when he finally responded with, “I was coming from her house when it happened.” Knowing Seungmin’s mind was probably a riddle at the moment, they just assumed that the anger would pass, leaving just despair for the broken boy, but the anger stayed to infect more than the relationship between you and Seungmin.

It all started one night when he was alone. He simply wanted to use the restroom. All he had to do was get out of bed, hop in his chair, and make his way to the bathroom. Simple.

He never struggled for anything, so having to do such a simple task seemed like nothing but a small task. Things changed when he was trying to get out of his chair by gripping the porcelain counter with his good hand, and his hand slipped on the surface.Leaning forward, he tried to catch himself, but was caught off guard by his own weight on just one hand. He hit the ground hard, with his good hand trapped between his body and the floor. His body at an awkward angle between the chair, the counter, and the toilet, the circumstances making it almost impossible for him to move.

His face laid on the bathroom tile, features contorting in pain, it dawned on him once again how useless he felt in his situation. He couldn't use his right arm to wedge himself to a different position without pain shooting through his body. He kept on trying to use his good leg to find a stable footing or grip on his surrounding, only to flop it around to no avail.

Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face for the first time since that day in the hospital.

This life didn't feel like his own. The golden boy would have been out tonight, maybe eating barbecue with his friends, or maybe singing karaoke with you.

You.

His anger slowly took over his sadness as it had before.

He didn't need you, or anyone for the matter. He only needed himself. He couldn't rely on anyone because if he did, he would be vulnerable again. He would be open for the world to come back and break him down, and he couldn't allow that.

So instead of wallowing in self pity on the bathroom floor for any longer, Seungmin used his broken hand to get a grip on the cold tile. The cast making it a bit more difficult to angle himself properly. Despite the shooting pain that felt as if his bones were on fire from the pressure, he forces himself to work through the pain. He needed to prove to himself that he could do it.

After a few agonizing minutes Seungmin was back in his chair. Panting from the exertion while holding his casted arm, he willed his arm to go numb.

Once he caught his breath, he made a mental note to start working out in whichever way he could to make up for his unusable limbs. At the thought he started laughing, slowly at first, but gradually cackling at himself. The fingers on his good hand reach his thigh and he began digging his fingernails on the bare flesh. As his laughter died down, he glanced down to see scratch marks.

Pathetic.

He thinks to himself because of his behavior. He’s never been like this. Maybe because things had been too perfect before, his glass mansion had shattered and now he had to walk through glass for the first time in his life.

~

After the bathroom incident, Seungmin began to lock his door, opting to ignore the knocks, texts, and calls of not just you, but the rest of the world as well.

The task of shutting everyone out became significantly more difficult when he had to go back to school.

After being in a wheelchair for a month, and excelling in his physical therapy, the hospital gave him the clearance to start using crutches. Which meant, it was time for him to go back to school, and to confront all of the people he’d been ignoring for the past couple of weeks.

Chan and Changbin had been the first to approach him on his way to class.

“Hey Seungmin!” Changbin appeared in front of him seemingly out of nowhere, and when Seungmin tried to go around him, his eldest friend blocked his way.

“Hey man, where have you been? Why haven’t you been answering us? We’ve been worried. The only reason we haven’t called the cops to do a wellness check is because the hospital said you’ve been going to your physicals.” Seungmin finally looks up at Chan, but he continues. “I understand you’re going through a lot man, but you can’t just ghost us like that.”

To all of his friend’s concerns, Seungmin merely responds with a question. “Why did you check with the hospital about my personal business?” The guys’ expressions fell.

Seungmin was somehow colder than he had been before. He wasn’t really himself when he left the hospital, but the guy in front of them right now was worlds apart from the friend who they may have lost.

The old Seungmin was kind, always smiling, and he couldn’t stand to see anyone down. The second he walked into the room, the energy shifted, brightening up everyone’s spirit. This Seungmin radiated soul-sucking hatred.

Changbin holds back any furthering questions, opting to ease the mood, “Hey man, we just wanted to make sure that you were alright. It’s been pretty shitty without you around.” He smiles to himself, more from awkwardness than genuine joy.

"I'm perfectly fine." He was not. "With everything that has happened, I just feel like I need to be on my own," Chan tries to interrupt him, but Seungmin continues. "I want to be on my own." Lies. "You guys are too overwhelming, I'm going through enough shit as it is. I don't want to deal with you guys as well." The last thing Seungmin needed was to be alone, but he didn't know that yet.

Chan being the person that he is wanted to talk to Seungmin, and tell him that avoidance was not going to solve his problems, but before he could say anything, Changbin put his hand on his shoulder, pulling him back.

In his head, Seungmin was right. This just proved it. If they cared, they would have said something to him, they would have broken the door down of where he hid, they would have called the cops for a wellness check to get a point across. He forgets that not everyone is like that.

Not everyone is how he used to be.

"I'll get going now." The two step aside to watch Seungmin slowly make his way to class.

His first time seeing Minho, Hyunjin, and Han went pretty much the same as it went with Changbin and Chan.

Nothing prepared him to see Felix and Jeongin in his doorstep, seconds down from forcing his door open.

After they'd been knocking for an hour, and when they started threatening to tear the door down, Seungmin finally made his way to his door.

"What do you two want?" He said as Felix was in the middle of knocking. Again.

They both looked surprised that he would even open the door in the first place. Almost expecting for the golden boy to hide away like he had been as of lately.

With just one glance, they could tell that this was their only shot.

Felix was the first person to break the silence. "Are we not your friends?" He hoped to talk him out of his reclusiveness.

"No." Seungmin responded without missing a beat.

The two were at a loss for words. They expected a lot, a breakdown, a screaming match, a heart to heart, but a denial felt out of place.

"Seungmin, I know you're going through a hard time," Felix starts but he gets interrupted before he could finish his sentence. "Do you Felix? Do you really know what I'm going through?" Seungmin challenges.

Always the most level headed, Felix defends, "No. I don't know what you're going through, which is why we are here in the first place."

"Then leave." Seungmin goes to shut his door, until Jeongin's voice cuts through the tension.

"You're my older brother." Seungmin only looks at the ground, not daring to look at the youngest in the eyes. "Please let me be with you through this." Through this. Do they not understand that there is no 'getting through this'? This was his new tragic reality.

"There is no 'we' Jeongin." He looks at the youngest. Felix and Jeongin looked hopeless. They couldn't believe that their best friend was gone.

"We need you." The fox eyed man said with anger, but it was more outrage from Seungmin's words.

Seungmin laughs sarcastically. "You needed a baseball coach, well he's kind of out of business now." Once again, he goes to shut the door, but Felix chimes in next. "We need you for more than that."

Bile threatens to flood Seungmin's senses. They need him. Had everyone been a leach in his life? He wonders why he had allowed himself to be so good to everyone without expecting anything in return.

One more reason to hate himself. He was foolish. People took advantage of him. He couldn't let that happen ever again.

"Well, I needed you guys for the team." He stares straight at Jeongin for the next few words. "I'm not in the team anymore, so I don't have any use for either of you." He didn't mean that. "So if the two of you could stop pestering my life, I'd greatly appreciate it." Please don't leave. "Please don't bother me ."

He shut the door in their face, ignoring all calls and messages going forward, which all faded to few and far between. All except for yours.

~

He was stable, going through the motions, doing his school work to at least graduate, but he didn't have much motivation to do much else until one day he stayed in the library past 1AM.

He'd been mindlessly studying, and memorizing everything as he always did.

That was, until he was interrupted by a random stranger.

"You have a great singing voice." The words brought Seungmin out of his book. Blinking his way to focus on the source of the sound.

Was he singing? He didn't even realize.

"It was quiet but this place is a bit empty, I could heard you from a couple of seats down."

Oh.

He clears his throat before focusing on his textbook again. "I'm sorry."

"Hey," She said to catch his attention. He finally looked up to see her, and without a shadow of a doubt, she was gorgeous. "No need to apologize. Seriously, I would have thought you were a celebrity if you weren't in a college library." She moves to sit beside Seungmin, but an uneasy feeling settles in his gut. His skin begins to tingle with anxiety. Which was also new to him.

He chooses to ignore his uneasiness for now. It could have been the 1AM deliria.

"Do you really think so?" He asks. Was she being serious? Or mocking him? He never really thought he had any talent for singing. Nowadays, he doubted everything he did.

"I think that your voice is amazing. A golden voice if you will." She said in good nature.

She seemed beautiful, kind, positive, and most of all, she reminded him of you.

The mere thought brought him back to reality. The same reality in which he scratched through his recently uncasted wrist. Blood seeped through where he managed to break through his own skin. It was almost as if it distracted him from reality, but when the pain became too much, he realized it wasn't a distraction, but an escape.

He wiped his wrist on the fabric of his sweatpants, clearing his throat before slamming his book closed.

"Excuse me. I have to go." He start throwing all of his belongings in his bag before he moves to grab his crutches.

She stands up and walks around Seungmin. "Here let me help-" "Don't." She stands back, confused, but Seungmin looks at her. Eye to eye, almost challenging, which leaves her even more confused.

"Hey I'm sorry... I just thought that-" He interrupts her again, "I don't care."

As he walks away from her, he pushes all thoughts of you to the back of his head. All you ever brought him was pain, there was no point on even pondering on the fact that he felt like his heart was being suffocated from the memory of his past.

~ TW!

He had given the rest guys a proper rejection so they wouldn't chase after him. So why couldn't he bring himself to do the same to you?

If he was being honest to himself, he could hardly stand to look at you. Everytime he hears your voice, he gets reminded of everything he'd lost. His recruitment, his team, his friends, his passion, his dignity, and his heart.

Everytime you'd approach him, he simply ignored you, and tuned you out. The more you did it, the easier it became.

He didn't want to hear your apologies, or your pleads. He wondered what you truly wanted, and assumed that you just wanted to have your lovesick puppy back. Afterall, no one truly missed him, they simply missed all he used to do for them.

He told himself that he was better off, but in reality, he’d never felt more lost.

His life was always linear. He’d been the best at everything, so he’d never had to wonder what was next. Once it was so simple. Win in the play ground, get good grades, win baseball matches, get into a good school, go pro, get a family and just allow life to run its happy course.

Now everything that he knew was gone.

He felt hopeless, not knowing what comes next, was it even worth it to keep going to school? If he isn’t playing baseball, what else is there for him to do?

The dark thoughts approach the day of his birthday. He received calls from everyone, and the only ones he answered were from his parents.

“Are you doing anything fun to celebrate tonight?”

“Yes mom.” Was all he gave her.

To his parents, Seungmin was still the same, though he couldn’t play baseball, they knew the talented young man would find something else he was good at and excel in that. They knew that he had a strong support system, and a strong will, so they weren’t worried about their son.

If only they knew what Seungmin was really going through.

Turning a year older filled him with dread. He sat alone in kitchen table, silent tears rolled down his face and he just let them. His stomach roared with hunger but he didn’t have anything in the fridge. Why eat if he doesn’t need the energy anyway? Why celebrate his birthday if he was alone? Why age if he didn’t have a future?

He saw nothing after college. Why live for a future that is not even there?

His left hand makes its way to his uninjured right arm and begins to manically scratch the inside of his arm where a cast once sat. A new habit of his, one that always leaves him with scars where his nails had dug so harshly into his own flesh.

He tells himself that he deserves it. If he was better he wouldn’t be in this situation. If he was better he wouldn’t be hurting himself. If he was better…

He goes to stand, but forgets his own immobility for a split second, leading him to land on the floor. Sobs rip through his body, was the room amplifying his cries? He hits his fists against the ground in desperation. Maybe if he begged loud enough, the world would open up and swallow him whole, freeing him from his pain.

Maybe he could free himself of his pain. The worst thoughts run through his head as he crawls towards the knife drawer. It would be for the best right? He'd be ridding the world of one more problem.

As he grips the handle of one of his sharpest knives, his vision begins to blur. He could hardly breathe and his tears make everything cloudy.

He hovers the knife over his previous scars. He can feel them, as if they itched to be reopened.

As the tip of the blade digs into his skin, his hands begin to shake, he could hardly keep the grip on the handle of the knife. He felt as if he was drowning. He tried to focus on his task but his brain had a funny way of seeing things.

How pathetic would it be for someone to find him like this? Dead in his own kitchen on the day of his birthday. How ironic. He can see the posts and headlines, "The Golden Boy and his demise." The golden boy. He would laugh at the term if he were under different circumstances.

As he pushed the knife deeper into his skin, his breathing got more erratic. Why couldn't he at least do this?

He couldn't hold the knife anymore, it felt as if his hands cramped up. He brought his hand to his neck, trying to rip his own shirt open. He felt suffocated, as if he was choking on air, it was overwhelming.

He was going to kill himself.

He couldn't believe it. He wanted to die, but he didn't have the guts. Why couldn't he just die?

The kitchen was dark, and all that could be heard were hit gut-wrenching sobs.

How could one person be in so much pain? When would it end?

It felt like a lifetime before Seungmin stopped crying. He almost felt numb, as if he cried himself out, but he could do nothing but stare at the wall across from him.

There were no thoughts running through his brain, at least until a particularly loud thunder brought him back to reality.

He looked around the room, eyes swollen, and mouth dry. He couldn't even muster up the effort to move. All he did was listen to the rain outside.

A thunderstorm, so peaceful and full of life. He envied it.

Then, another sound would cloud his senses. It was a ringtone, particularly the ringtone he set for your contact. A soft melody to contrats the harsh storm outside. He tried to ignore it at first, but then the ringtone started over again, and again, and again. He wondered if you'd ever get tired of calling.

However, in the midst of the rain and the melody, he started humming to himself. A random tune at first, but slowly he began to formulate words along with his own melody.

Maybe it was because you called him, or maybe it was because he still loved you, but all of his memories of you came back to haunt him.

He began to wonder if he'd made the right choice. If he would have done things differently, would you still be there? Would you see him in the same way that he sees himself?

Though he doesn't want to think about you, he sings a small tune, that may have had you as the muse.

"If I hadn’t let it go in the end Will we ever be happy again? It’s useless, everything is useless, even if they say it’s useless Thoughts keep growing in my head Would it have been better if I did better? Would you have laughed if I did the opposite? It’s useless, everything is useless, even though I know everything Regret keeps growing in my heart"

He lays in the same spot for the rest of the night, repeating the same lyrics in his head over and over again until he could find the will to get up and write them down.

-

A week later, he was back to his new usual stoic self. He threw a hoodie on and got ready for class. Yet, he didn't expect for you to be on his doorstep as he walked out of his dorm.

Whatever game you were trying to play, he wouldn't fall for it. So he simply pretended as if you weren't there, assuming you wouldn't be there by the time he came back.

He was wrong.

Day in and day out, you remained in the same place. He never acknowledged you, and you never acknowledged him.

To him, you were like a mosquito that refused to leave him alone. Yet, after two weeks, he wondered when you'd even go to class, or cheer practice, or anything else for that matter.

He didn't allow himself to ponder on it much, because the more that he allowed himself to think, the more he would feel, and the more he would feel, the more he would hurt. Seungmin was tired of hurting.

Still, he'd lay awake at night wondering if you were foolish enough to sit alone in the hall of a bunch of men's dorms. Turns out, you were stupid enough to do so. Whenever he'd feel restless, he would look through his peephole and find you slumped over in the corner of his line of vision, and he could do nothing but sigh at your stupidness.

When week three rolled around, he began to wonder if you did anything aside from keeping guard by his door. He still wouldn't acknowledge you, but he assumed there was no way you made permanent residence in the men's hall.

He took it upon himself to find out just how stupid you were. Turns out, you were not only stupid, but also idiotic. After hearing your teachers say that you'd been absent for three weeks, Seungmin wanted nothing more than to kick you where it hurt most.

He questioned why you were doing this in the first place. Why couldn't you let him rot away in peace. Why did you always have to meddle in his affairs?

Why was it that when he finally pushed you out of his thoughts, you found a way to meddle back in?

~

After a month of constantly ignoring your presence, things became harder. Not because Seungmin learned how to forgive and let go, but because he was afraid that you'd be dead in the morning and it'd be his fault.

Totally not because a freezing cold thunderstorm hit the city, and totally not because he was worried about your well being.

He tried to forget that you were there, but every time he'd close his eyes to sleep, he could see you shivering under a thin towel, sitting outside for no reason whatsoever.

He tossed and turned until he was wide awake. "God-fucking-dammit." He hopes that once he makes his way outside, you'd given up, too cold to stand being stupid. Boy, was he wrong.

When he opened the door, he finds you in the same position he saw you last.

"You're going to die out there." He says while looking down at your shaking form.

"Y/N, go home." You pretended as if you couldn't hear him.

Without giving it much thought, he limped out and sat beside you.

You turn to face him, "Go-go inside." Your teeth were vibrating against each other. The freezing cold rain had taken its toll on you, but Seungmin had underestimated you. You were just as, if not more, hardheaded than he was.

He couldn't comprehend how you'd been out the for so long. The rain and the cold felt as if needles were piercing his skin with every drop.

"Seungmin." You said.

"Y/N." He challenged.

The two of you exchanged looks before breaking eye contact and looking forward again.

After a couple of minutes, he breaks the silence.

"Why?" He had begun to shiver as well. He couldn't believe that you had sat out there for hours through this hell.

You let out a small laugh, which sits odd with him. Had you finally gone mad?

"So you would talk to me." With a sad smile, you look at the ground. The six words made Seungmin shiver and he wasn't sure why. Yet they make something take over him, "C'mon, come inside." He struggles to get up, and immediately, you're at your feet trying to help him, but he pushes you away. He still doesn't want your help or your pity.

He tells himself that he would do the same for anyone else, ignoring the part of his brain that screams comfort at your form.

"You can take a shower in the spare room." He says, as he grabs his crutches once again, and makes himself towards his own room to shower as well.

"All of my clothes are soaked." Of course they are.

"I'll put some pajamas on the bed for you."

You nod and scurry off, which Seungmin is thankful for. He feels vulnerable in front of you, but he doesn't know how scared you were in front of him.

You didn't fear Seungmin, but you knew you walked a tightrope in his head.

Once Seungmin finally laid in bed, he hoped that you'd be graceful enough to leave before his classes started, but much to his dismay, you still lay on his couch as he rushes out of the door to make it to his early class in time.

He did not expect you to overstay your welcome, and to find you in his dorm when he came back that afternoon was a bit startling, especially after being alone for so long.

"Go home." Is the only thing he tells you once he walks in, but you ignore him.

A day later, he sits on the opposite side of the couch, but he doesn't say anything.

He wanted you to speak first. Why did you waste a whole month by his doorstep? Why couldn't you just forget him in the same way that everyone else had?

As he sat there, running through a million scenarios in his head, he heard you sniffling, and he almost wished that he hadn't looked up.

Your body shaking with sobs. Eyes shut, as tears streamed down your face. Mouth shut open, trying to muffle your cries. Hair a mess, hands shaking, face flushed, you seemed so vulnerable.

Every fibre of his being wanted to hold you.

Every fibre of his being still hated you.

"Seungmin?" He heard you, but he was too lost in his own thoughts to acknowledge you.

"Can't you tell that I love you?"

His world halted.

"Have you really not been able to tell that I have loved you since our second year?

It was a joke. It had to be. Just another futile attempt to get him to talk to you.

"Are you really that stupid? Seungmin, I have fucking loved you since that day when I couldn't land a flip. You came up to me and told me that I was worth something. How are you so dense?"

He remembered the day. It was the day you began to see him as a person. You finally saw through his golden persona, and saw the boy trying his best in the shadows.

He still refused to let his guard down. "Don't lie to me out of pity."

"Please shut the fuck up for a second?" That caught him off guard.

"Have you thought of how much you hurt me by cutting me off? You hurt everyone Seungmin." You stood up, and looked down at his sitting form.

You couldn't see the millions of thoughts running through his head. Had he hurt anyone? He thought that it was for the better to close himself off. Were you lying? The self doubt creeped into his head as it often did.

He began picking at his scabs before your next words.

"You are so much more than baseball. You're fucking Kim Seungmin. You are the guy that has always been there for everyone that you cared about, so it seems very fucking selfish to me that you refuse to let anyone be there for you." Your tears are shocking to him. Your tears aren't dramatic, but they're desperate, almost screaming into what Seungmin tried to ignore.

"You are the guy that brightened up my life for the longest. You are the fucking reason that I am still alive right now!" Your hands begin to shake, something Seungmin recognizes all too well.

"Have you thought about the fact that no one gives a shit if you can play baseball or not?! We knew that it hurt you, but we could've helped you through it. You're so obsessed with being perfect. We don't need you to be perfect!" He analyses your every word. Though he finds it hard to believe, he didn't ever think that anyone ever saw him as anything but perfect.

He sits in silence as your voice reaches a screaming point. "You are the reason I get up every morning. You are the reason I try my hardest everyday. If you aren't there, then what the hell do I have to fight for?!" Your breathing becomes rapid, which makes Seungmin regain consciousness in what feels like forever. "You are so much more than the golden boy-" You fall to the ground, unaware that Seungmin follows right next to you. "You're Seungmin." He sees you gasping for air, and he can't think of how to help you. Every emotion and thought that he has focuses on you.

"You're my-" Your words refuse to come out. "You're my Seungmin."

That's all it takes.

All of his makeshift walls crumble down at your words.

He still doesn't feel safe, but if he would risk it all again, tragically, it would be with you.

He sees you gasping for air but he doesn't know how to help.

As you begin to sob, he brings his unsteady hand to your back. The same hand that had done so much damage to himself. Yet, he doesn't think of that now. He only thinks of you.

You visibly recoil from his touch, and he almost pulls away.

"Y/N."

You're not hearing him. Your eyes search the floor, your lungs yearn release, and your chest begs for freedom,

"Seungmin." He hardly hears you.

He knew that you needed him, and although it was a cause of resentment at first, he couldn't help but think that if he were to be destroyed again, he'd risk the chance for you. All of the feelings he pushed back came crashing down all at once. So he did what helped him with the same scenario in the past.

He began to sing.

"If I hadn't let it go in the end Will we ever be happy again? It's useless, everything is useless, even if they say it's useless Thoughts keep growing in my head"

"Would it have been better if I did better? Would you have laughed if I did the opposite? It's useless, everything is useless, even though I know everything Regret keeps growing in my heart"

"In the еnd, I'm left alone at this night Our memoriеs become stars Put it over your head It is pouring endlessly The beautiful times we had together"

He noticed that your breathing was returning to normal.

"The moments sparkle come into me It shines in my heart today, I'm going to show you I can't forget you the way you are"

Once you can form coherent sentences, you tell him, "There are so many things that make up for what you lack."

A warmth erupts in his chest, and though he's not ready to trust anyone or anything again, he feels akay for the first time in a long time.

He doesn't feel alone.

He smiles at you for the first time in forever, and for the first time in a long time, he puts his arms around you, because his heart wasn't the only one that sat bare in front of you. You finally gave him yours in return.

~

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

Post hoc ergo propter hoc - The West Wing AU, Chapter Two

in which we get away from fun Sorkin-esque banter and into the honestly deeply awful reason for the breakup because this fic decided US politics wasn't fucked up enough I guess??? anyway new chapter 😬😬

“You’re right. I’ll go show my face.”

“You should. You have the suit on and all.”

“… Want me to bring you something from the buffet? I won’t stay long.”

“Yeah, a drink,” she says, joking, but he shrugs.

“Sure. Still vodka?”

“Whatever you’re having,” she says, and can’t believe she’s doing this. Don’t, Jyn. You’re making this weird. There’s no room for any of this between them. Not in these jobs, and certainly not after she broke his heart so thoroughly the president knows about it.

Still, she hears herself call after him, as if she’s actually expecting him to bring her a nightcap to her desk: “But not champagne, I get –“

He turns back, hands buried in the pockets of his dress pants, and finishes in a far too gentle tone: “Headaches. I know.”

He smiles, a dubious, melancholic thing that underlines all the reasons why whatever the fuck they’re doing here in the middle of the night is a terrible idea – and also reminds her how much she would give for Mothma to be right, for any chance to fix this, to go back to sitting shoulder to shoulder on his dorm room floor at three AM, passing a bottle between them and watching old horror movies.

[read on Ao3]

[amberjazmyn]

"i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you..."🫶

pairing : charles leclerc x bianchi!fem reader

summary : after consistently being reunited on the anniversary of the loss of jules and finally allowing the spark to ignite , charles & elena have their wedding day on the 17th of july 2021.

warnings : tears but happy this time, mentions of jules bianchi, childhood friends to lovers to married, mentions of herve leclerc

a/n : like mentioned in the end a/n of the first part, i had to break it into two parts due to reaching the writing block limit or whatever and because i was dumb and all that, i lost all of the last half of what i wrote. and it was because i copied it and then forgot to paste it elsewhere and went to copy the link of the first part to my masterlist so now i have to rewrite it all and i want to scream my house down because it was fucking magnificant and now i have to see if i can remember what i fucking wrote!

17th july 2021 - monte-carlo, monaco

today was the day everyone had been waiting the longest for. it was the wedding day of charles leclerc and elena bianchi. but it was also the six year anniversary since the world alongside the bianchi's and leclerc's lost elena's beautiful brother, jules. but even with such a happy event on what was once such a somber day, they didn't leave out nor did they forget to include jules in every single thing. alongside including charles' father, herve, since no one wanted to have herve forgotten either.

the day had gone smoothly. and now it was the time that everyone had been waiting for. charles had no nerves and hadn't felt shaky at all which people admired as he stood alongside his two brothers and the rest of his closest men in his life at the altar. however, that all changed the second the church doors opened and out came elena and her father philippe.

that was when charles could see his whole world standing in front of him. his soon-to-be wife's smile lighting up the entire church. it had already been fulled with light but the light of elena's smile outshone all of them with just her sweet smile that had never changed over the years the two had known one another. standing next to charles he had his two brothers, enzo and arthur, max, lando, carlos, pierre and joris. elena had the girlfriends of the drivers and her brothers alongside one of their cousins to be paired up with joris.

charles was shocked he was still standing. his legs had started to turn to mush as it felt like it was taking forever for elena and her father to make it to the front of the altar next to him. with his brothers next to him though, charles knew they wouldn't let him fall, because they too, arthur and enzo, were nervous as well. charles and elena had decided if they were going to do one traditional thing at their wedding it was going to be the not seeing one another twenty-fours before their wedding day. even though they loved the idea of having a first look, they decided against it and instead opted for giving one another handwritten notes with a little peek into their written vows to one another to read to the videographer whilst getting ready.

so because they didn't do the first look that was now becoming a more modern tradition at weddings, this was them reuniting with one another and seeing each other again after twenty-four hours. since they couldn't even talk to one another between doors or even text each other. it had been quite literally banned by the bridesmaids and groomsmen. even though they had gone through the twenty-fours without each other perfectly, not even trying to see if they could catch a peek at one another or sneak a cheeky text, it was truly something they'd never do again if they were given the choice.

finally, elena was next to charles at the altar and the celebrant had welcomed everyone and given them permission to sit back down, the ceremony begun. it was a quick introduction and all of a sudden it had gotten to the vows. and even though the only real interaction they had with one another was through the letters they had written and given to each other whilst getting ready and had the teeniest peek to what was being included, it wasn't a real outline of one another's handwritten vows. so because they didn't write their vows together, it was truly a mystery as to what each others vows were. and they loved the thought of getting surprised by one anothers vows since, like mentioned earlier, they didn't really want the typical traditional wedding of saying the traditional sort of vows especially when their love languages were words of affirmation, physical touch and quality time. speaking of the vows, elena was starting them since she had requested to go first and there was no way charles was ever going to be able to argue or say no to her. and besides, he was fine to go second anyway even if he was certain in the fact that he'd be crying during elena's as well as during his own.

taking in a big deep breath, holding charles' hand tightly, elena began her vows. speaking them in english since not everyone at their wedding could speak and understand french.

"charles marc herve perceval leclerc. before i announce to you my promises and vows to you, i just need to tell you that i love you so much and that you have never ever made me doubt your love for me like you think you have. because the truth is, nothing you could say or do could make me doubt you, full stop. even when we weren't attached at the hip after we drifted apart after losing my beloved and beautiful older brother and your beautiful godfather jules. because for those who weren't aware, my family and the leclerc's grew up together and jules, myself, arthur and charles were what was known as the core four. we were attached at the hip. so attached in fact that those around us thought we would die if we weren't next to each other and invading one anothers personal space because for the four of us, with enzo on the rare occasion, had no concept of what the term personal space meant *giggles*..." elena paused to catch her breath before continuing

"...however, that all began to change when things did change. even when the only time we'd get to talk was over the phone or through texts or facetimes, i always knew just how much you loved me. there was never any doubt in my mind that there was a moment in which a switch turned in your mind that changed that feeling that you had for me. nor was there ever a doubt in my mind that the same switch of me not loving you was in my own mind. because there wasn't. there was never a moment in my life where i didn't love you wholeheartedly," she paused again to smile lovingly at charles and to comfort him as everyone watched on

"even when we were towing the thin line between friendship and relationship. even when we were growing up and we didn't know what the word love meant outside of familial love, there was always a small spark that was always ignited when i was around you. so much to the point as we started to grow up, jules and lorenzo amongst those around us started to notice it. everyone except for us because we weren't looking past that familial love due to the fact that both families had grown up together only a mere 28mins apart from each other. however, as we got older things started to change between us and the main one being our relationship since you were starting to inch closer and closer to making it into formula one. and then suzuka 2014 happened and jules had his accident and the world stopped to a grinding halt. we stayed in japan whilst they tried everything they could with their knowledge and it was only enough to bring him back home to france. and then he died. the world was slipped from underneath me and i felt like i was a fish bobbling along for a gasp of air before sinking back down into the depths below me. i watched as you got further in motorsports, reaching f3, f2 and then f1," elena's vows were beautiful but they were only going to get better as charles watched with teary eyes and a huge smile on his face

"but before that, we drifted apart from one another and i think it slowly cut me open that we had drifted apart. through no fault of ourselves but because you had gotten so busy that you had no other choice but to continue on even though you had to watch as i heartbreakingly wanted to give up and almost did. but then, at every anniversary on this very day, we started to magically meet up again on the same day, whether it was in monaco or in france for that one year that i returned back to france *tearful giggles*." everyone giggled at that comment that elena only was in france once during an annviersary for jules

"and we just thought it was a silly conincidence that we were in monaco at the same time for jules one-year anniversary. however, by the second and third year anniversary, we started to realise that it wasn't just a coincidence. there was a reason, a pull from the universe that was bringing us back to one another on this very day for the last six years. it wasn't until the four year anniversary though that it all changed. the spark exploded on that day when i had found you on a beach crying. it broke my heart to find you crying on that beach in monaco. however, you'll never know just how much joy it gave me to see you that day. you had done so well within your sport whereas i had only just made the permanent move to monaco the year earlier to go to university. and it was all because i no longer felt like i was a fish that was drowning and i could finally get up everyday and give myself a reason to wake up..." elena smiled as she continued, proud and shocked by her emotional strength

"...you had told me the reason you were crying and it was because you had found the letter that had a plan within it about how jules wanted to matchmake us together after he had excriciatingly watched us be so oblivious by it. he had written that letter just before he had his final ever race at suzuka..." elena trailed off as sniffles filled the room as her smile stayed unmoved

"...after he had written that letter and that plan, he had given it to arthur with him promising my brother that he'd keep it safe. and if he wasn't going to be alive for the day that his plan of being cupid would actually work and come to furition that it would be arthur that would give charles or myself the letter. except, it wasn't arthur and it was charles that had found it, hence why i had found him crying that day on the beach near my university. well, jules, i am pleased to announce that you playing cupid did work but it was delayed by a few years *tearful giggles*..." elena giggled as she reached her hand to charles' cheek to wipe away the tears that had made their way down

"...whilst it does devastate me that jules had this big of a gut feeling that he wouldn't make it out of that grand prix alive to see this plan work. i'm glad he felt like he could give it to arthur to keep it safe so it wouldn't get lost nor forgotten. it always shocks me to my core that the reason why we are all standing here today is because jules and his soul gave me and charles the light that gave us the guide to find one another on this very day every year. even though we wouldn't see each other on any other day apart from facetime calls and text messages, jules always made sure he had his baby sister and beautiful godson were together on the day he lost his life..." elena took a big breath in as she started to get into the most emotional part of her vows that had her crying to the point there were tears on the little book that she was reading her vows from

"...i mention jules a lot but especially today because whilst this day is now a day filled with happier memories of me and charles beginning our relationship, getting engaged and now married, today was also the day that we did lose jules. and even though he isn't alive to witness this, i can't ignore the fact that the reason why i stand here today and say all of this in front of you is because of jules." elena smiled at her to be husband before she broke eye contact and looked toward the empty chair at the front on charles' that was occupied by a photo frame that housed what elena had always said was her favourite photo of her older brother, jules

"my dear charlie, the reason why i love you so much is all because of jules. not only was he the one that introduced me to you but he was the one that always brought me to you, whether that was when he was alive or when he isn't. in the same way jules loved me, you too loved me. even when i thought i could and would never be loved like that, you still loved me in every version of myself. whether i was on the floor hysterically crying in the gut-wrenching grief of missing jules or if i was having the time of my life and truly radiating joy and laughing. it didn't matter what emotion i was feeling, you never let me forget just how much you truly loved me in the same way jules never let me forget how much he truly loved me. jules...i see him everywhere and everyday but i see him the most in you, charlie. i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again. but it was then that i should have known that no matter if he's alive or not, jules would never let me stray that far away from you, always bringing me back to my true home and my true love..." it was this part of her vows that really made charles and everyone else cry and emotional, it was like jules was igniting her soul and as though he was standing right next to her as she said all of it

"...charlie, my vows to you are that i'll support you in every single moment in your life. whether it's joyous or it's rock bottom, i want you to know that you will never have to doubt that i won't be there to pick you back up when you fall and celebrate you when you are at the top. i will never go to bed angry because i know life's too short to purposefully hold onto those emotions for too long and because i never want you to think that anything you've done or said has made me angry at you. i never want you to think something you've disagreed with or had a different opinion to me about is of less importance than mine. i want you to know that anything you say to me is important whether it is classed as 'stupid' or not. i want you to know you can trust me with everything and anything in your life. i want you to know that i will go through water, fire, and the deepest ocean to fight for you and make sure you are happy because seeing you upset, angry, insecure is devastating and i never want you to have to go through those same negative emotions that i went through. but in saying that, if you do get sad, angry or insecure, i want you to know that i will be there to pick you right back up because i don't want you to not be supported like i wasn't..." elena trailed off as she stared into charles' eyes as she smiled

"...i promise i'll cry with you, i'll be at every single grand prix because i can't stand only seeing you on the same day once a year *laughter*. and you best believe i'll be wearing all the ferrari gear in support of my gorgeous husband and his just as gorgeous teammate *laughter*. and i also promise that i'll dance with you in every corner of our house, i'll sing with you even though you really can't sing and should only stick to f1 *laughter* and i will always make sure that no matter how quickly or how long it takes, that i will make sure you get the loving, happy family of your own that you've always wanted. i love you so much my dearest charlie and i don't think i could find anyone else in this world to be marrying but you. i owe all of this life and my joy to you," elena smiles as she gives her vow book back to her maid of honour, rebecca, carlos' girlfriend

it was silent for a moment or two since everyone was in shock at elena's vows. they were the best wedding vows every single person in that church had heard before by a bride or a groom. the church then erupted into booms of cheers and whistles as elena shyly giggled. the day she had written her vows she had written them on the same beach that she had heard and found charles crying back in 2019 on the four-year anniversary. and charles had no idea because he was having fun in the water alongside carlos, max, lando, daniel, joris, enzo and arthur. the girlfriends though were surrounding elena as she wrote them even though every time elena lifted her head up to crack her neck, the girls quickly looked away and continued their 'tanning session' only for them to be little nosy nellies and go back to watching elena write her vows the second she'd put her head back down and continue writing. however, they truly had no idea that these were the vows she had written. and they were blown away, it was as though edgar allen poe had written them just because of how poetic her words were.

now it was charles' turn and he was now freaking out. taking in a deep breath the same way elena did before hers, elena held charles' free hand tightly, caressing his hand as they smiled at one another.

"elena alexandra bianchi. before i announce to you and this church my vows to you, i thought it was important to remind you of just how much i love you. we always fight that we love one another more than the other. it's funny, truly because of how heated these arguments get *giggles*. however, the reason why i tell you that i love you more isn't just to one up you or because i'm making it into a competition of who loves who more because i'm never saying that i could love you more than you could love me. i say i love you more because i love you more than the bad days ahead of us. i love you more than any fight we will ever have. i love you more than any obstacle we'll face whether that's in regards to us getting pregnant or any illnesses. i love you more than i'll love formula one because whilst that is my job and something i love, that will never take the crown when it's lined up next to you. i love you more than comfortable silence that we can sit in for hours. i love you more than hearing a chord progression of my piano. i love you more than anything in this world could make me love. i could never pretend to love you, even when we were growing up it never crossed my mind that loving you was a joke or that it wasn't something i made up or that it wasn't real..." charles was doing amazingly, he had managed to compose himself to the point where he was only teary-eyed but it was clear he was back to the verge of those tears slipping down his cheeks

"...i'm not someone who tends to regret things in my life because that's not how i like to live my life. however, if i was to say i have one regret in my life, it would have been the ways in which i lied to my father herve, my godfather jules and you when we weren't dating but on that fine line between being just friends and something more. i dont even regret lying to myself because i don't need nor deserve that apology but you three, my father and jules do need it. i remember the day of jules accident, it was just before he was leaving so he could start the race when he walked past me and stopped me. telling me he had to tell me something important and that it was about you. and of course, the second your name was mentioned, i was locked in and nothing could break that focus *tearful giggles*. he had told me that the reason why you would hug me so tightly because since forever, you've given me and no one else, the tightest, most home-like hugs. jules had said it was because...because you were so worried i would disappear into thin air. but he had also mentioned something else and it had taken me by surprise that i didn't know how to react. i mentioned this earlier but the hugs i got from you, elena, were hugs that no one else was allowed to have. they were only reserved for me and it wasn't until jules had brought it up before that race that i realised. he had told me that he reason why you would hug me so tight was because you were so scared of losing me in the same way you would lose jules everytime he left for a race and when you hugged me, it was you projecting the way you felt so frightened for jules and how much you missed him onto me because of the fact you were in love with me and you were so worried you were going to lose me in the same way we ended up losing jules. and because i'm seen as jules' replacement, it was easy for you to project those feelings to me when we'd hug because that was when i realised that was the same reason why i'd hug you so tightly as well..." charles trailed off as his tears started to stream down his cheeks as elena smiled and wiped them away

"...that night after we told one another our last ever interactions with jules without even realising it would be forever, you had also said something that still makes me feel uneasy. you had made a pinky promise with jules that if he had made the podium at the end of that race that he would finally get the charles x elena hug that he had always wanted but was never able to get. after you told me that, of course my heart shattered but then i pulled you into the tight hug that had meant to be reserved for jules that night..." charles' voice cracked as it failed away, closing his eyes as his head dropped down

elena's heart breaking as she brought her hand to his cheek and softly lifted his head up. resting her forehead against his, she softly reassured him and told him to keep going. he was doing a beautiful job and from the looks of it, he hadn't had that much left of his vows left. nodding his head, he composed himself and continued.

"...all my life i had always looked up to jules and aspired to follow him through life. and unfortunately, i'll never get that opportunity for that ended on this very day six years ago. but for the last three years now, beautiful and more happier memories have been made on this day. like me finally asking you to be my girlfriend after you found me crying over finding jules' letter on the beach in monte-carlo *tearful giggles*. me proposing to you the year after that in 2020 during the afterparty that had us celebrating pierre's win at the italian grand prix in monza. and now today, the day in which i vow you my entire life, to support you when you are struggling, to laugh and cry with you. to love you without hesitation and without fear of being judged. to help give and provide for our family that i'll help with raising. to do anything you ask even if it means leaving formula one if it is what needs to happen. today is the day that i say i do want to marry you. today is the day i stand here proudly and say that there is no one else i could dream about marrying because there is no one in this world or in any universe that even comes close to you and the way you make me feel. nor is there anyone else in this world and universe that could light up my life in the same way you light up every place you walk into. i know this is something you've never actually asked me but i promise that in every single universe that could have existed in this world that isn't this one, i would find you and i'd love you in every single one. even if it meant in a different universe this day wasn't happening, this burning love i feel wouldn't disappear. but i am happy to say that in this universe i don't have to worry about that day ever happening that i'd have to doubt your love for me. i love you so much, elena alexandra bianchi and if it's anyone's honour to be loved in this relationship, it's me..." charles trails off as everyone thinks he is done but with a cheeky but tearful smile he continues as everyone giggles at the antics

"...elena, i also promise you that i will be your biggest fan and your biggest confidant. i promise to always fight for you and with you, even if the fight is as serious as fighting over which colour we should paint the walls *tearful giggles*. i promise to trust and value your opinions because no matter how much you tell me it's stupid or not important, it is. i promise to always validate your emotions because it's not silly or stupid if you are crying over a movie or over missing jules. nor is it silly or stupid if you are jumping from wall to wall because of something that you are so excited over like your favourite singer or band. i never want you to think you can't come to me when you are crying or when you are speaking so quickly to the point it's not elligible because you are so excited. i also promise the silly things like sharing my food with you, letting you look so much more better in my clothes than me *giggles*, to share the piano with you because whilst you like to be modest about it, you really are an amazing pianist and to share the highs and lows of this wonderful thing we call life as the leclerc's. whilst it may be an uphill climb it's not too much of a climb that it has to be done alone. and i also promise that i will always choose you over and over again even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you. falling for you wasn't falling at all, elena. it was walking into a house and knowing you're home." was how charles finished his vows and similar to elena it was silent

of course, everyone knew that english wasn't the easiest language for charles. however, it was as though he was as fluent as a fluent english speaker could get. whilst his accent peaked through on the odd quiver of emotion, it never lasted too long. applause finally erupted through the church as it echoed as everyone finally remembered that applauding was in fact what they were supposed to be doing. and then, came the part that everyone had been longing the entire ceremony for. the moment in which charles and elena were finally mr and mrs leclerc.

"...now that our couple have said they do agree on holy matrimony, it is my biggest honour to announce to this congregation of those that are loved by the couple that i am introducing you all to mr and mrs charles and elena leclerc!" cheers and squeals of excitement overwhelmed the giggling celebrant as he continued when the noise fizzled out

"charles, you may now finally kiss your bride!" he announced before stepping out of the way so the photographer could get photos of the kiss

once again, cheers and squeals bounched between the walls of the church as charles dipped his beautiful wife down to the floor. his hand on the base of her back and the other supporting her head as elena giggled wholeheartedly into the kiss. everyone watching on with huge smiles and teary faces as their hands began to feel sore from all the applause. charles and elena finally broke out of the kiss as they then walked back down the aisle together as husband and wife whilst the wedding party followed behind them.

❤️

liked by charlesleclerc, maxverstappen1, kellypiquet, landonorris, carlossainz55, iamrebeccad, francisca.cgomes, oscarpiastri, arthurleclerc and 12k others

elenaleclerc taking a page out of my vows for this caption: "it didn't matter what emotion i was feeling, you never let me forget just how much you truly loved me in the same way jules never let me forget how much he truly loved me. jules...i see him everywhere and everyday but i see him the most in you, charlie. i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again. but it was then that i should have known that no matter if he's alive or not, jules would never let me stray that far away from you, always bringing me back to my true home and my true love."

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charlesleclerc putain, tu m'as encore fait pleurer chérie fuck, you got me crying again sweetheart. i love you so much my angel forever and always

elenaleclerc charlesleclerc i love you so much more my charlie!

maxverstappen1 that singular moment in your vows had me sobbing, elena and i'm on the verge of being in that state once again!

elenaleclerc maxverstappen maxie, you are such a sweetheart! and i am so shocked that i wasn't crying because i was weeping when i wrote them down whilst we had that beach day

kellypiquet oh my gosh, that passage of your vows had me and max SOBBING! i can't even, elena, you are quite literally a poet!

elenaleclerc kellypiquet oh stop it, kelly, i am by no means a poet even though i am at university for advanced english literature.

landonorris jesus lord no, not this passage again! i just finished crying over it and now i'm gonna start crying all over again!

elenaleclerc landonorris i'm sorry lando but i just had to, it's my favourite excerpt of my vows! it's okay if it's too much for little lando norris, i still love you!

carlossainz55 the best part of the vows for sure my love! you had all of us in tears

elenaleclerc carlossainz55 oh carlos, that is so sweet of you to say so thank you! and i will issue a public apology for the tears and dehydration you all went through!

iamrebeccad i am biting my cheeks so hard to not cry reading this post rn, elena!

elenaleclerc iamrebeccad oh i love you rebecca, so much!

francisca.cgomes these photos with that specific passage omg i'm gonna scream, cry and throw up!

elenaleclerc francisca.cgomes i don't think you're the only one doing that kika haha

oscarpiastri these words were heartbreaking but in the best way possible, elena!

elenaleclerc oscarpiastri thank you oscie! i'm glad you and lily could make it!

arthurleclerc don't make me cry again, elena!

elenaleclerc arthurleclerc i'm sorry thuthur, i'll make it up to you i promise!

sebastianvettel beautiful words, elena! jules is for sure the soul that brought you and charles back to each other

elenaleclerc sebastianvettel thank you seb and jules truly is the soul that made all of this happen and i am so grateful for it!

f1gossip omg i am crying! and if that's only one passage of your vows then i can only imagine the rest of your vows and how much i'd cry reading the rest!

elenaleclerc f1gossip aw, you are so sweet! and trust me, whilst this one was the passage that made everyone cry the most, there was one other one that was just as close! i promise we'll post the wedding video as soon as we get it with me and charles' full vows included xx

bianchiphotos i think i just heard my heart stop @ "i see him in your eyes, i hear him in your laugh. i think that's why i always found my way back to you even when it seemed as though after the loss of jules we'd never fix that time of us being close in our lives again." and at "my charlie". definitely sleeping, crying and throwing up on the highway tonight because if someone doesn't love me like that then i don't want it!

elenaleclerc bianchiphotos omg you are so sweet! and i think a couple more people are going to join you on that highway tonight but don't stay there for too long, it's too dangerous sweetie xx

liked by elenaleclerc, pierregasly, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, leclerc_pascale, philippebianchi, f1gossip and 13k others

charlesleclerc copying my wife, here is my favourite passage from my vows: "and i also promise that i will always choose you over and over again even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you. falling for you wasn't falling at all, elena. it was walking into a house and knowing you're home."

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elenaleclerc i love you so much my charlie! i don't want something different either because nothing is better than you

charlesleclerc elenaleclerc my beautiful wife forever and ever

pierregasly why are you guys still trying to make us cry? the wedding was yesterday, surely you can let us survive one day without crying again!

charlesleclerc pierregasly i'm sorry, i just couldn't wait any longer to post the photos!

lewishamilton beautiful words charles! congratulations once again to you and elena's wedding, it was an honour to be apart of it!

charlesleclerc lewishamilton thank you lewis, it was a pleasure and honour having you there as our guest!

maxverstappen1 surprise surprise, i'm back to crying again

charlesleclerc maxverstappen1 haha i really am sorry!

leclerc_pascale i love you my precious boy! congratulations to you and beautiful elena

charlesleclerc leclerc_pascale i love you too maman and elena sends her love as well

philippebianchi thank you for making my baby girl the happiest she's ever been! jules is for sure glad that his plan worked

charlesleclerc philippebianchi thank you philippe for still letting me love your daughter even after the distance that we had between us and yes, jules is definitely glad it worked

f1gossip jesus, charles, your vows are also making me cry! do i wanna know the rest of your vows as well? back to the highway we all go!

charlesleclerc f1gossip haha, i am sorry! and omg please don't go to the highway, that's dangerous!

username oh, i just realised elena calls charles "my charlie" and now i don't know if that's the sweetest thing in the world or if i wanna follow f1gossip and sleep on the highway

charlesleclerc username like i said to f1gossip please don't go to the highway it's dangerous and cold! and yes, it melts my heart too and makes me get teary-eyed when she calls me 'my charlie' as well!

arthurleclerc another set of vows that had me crying, yay me!

charlesleclerc arthurleclerc haha, max basically commented the same thing!

username "even when you force me to choose something different, i never will because there isn't something different that i would want, only you" - i want that, someone, anyone...please? can i have this too?

charlesleclerc username i promise you will get it one day, it may not be in this near future but it will happen and you'll get to look back to this post and this comment and be happy that you have it xx

fin

well, even though i had to rewrite it all, i think i managed to remember majority of the vows except i do think this version was a hell of a lot better than the first one. but now it's finished i am so relieved since this had been in my drafts for a few days now which never usually happens. so i hope you guys do enjoy this happy ending because i truly think this two-parter is one of my favourites i've ever written! also, just realised in this part that i had been spelling philippe bianchi, jules bianchi's dad's, name wrong the whole time until i properly looked up the spelling so, that is my bad so i will change the spelling if i mention philippe in the first part tomorrow since it's way past midnight when i'm finally posting this!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[unwishablestars]

Hey !

Hey !

I'maving a difficult time so I'm wondering if you can write texts where Hanzo or Cass (or both) finding their close friend (no specific gender) being about to kill themself with a gun.

It's ok if the subect is too dark for you.

Thx. ❤️

Stay

Pair(s): Hanzo Shimada x GN!Reader | Cole Cassidy x GN!Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Tags: Drabble, Headcanons, Multi-Character, "Attempt"

TWs: Sewerslide Attempt, Sh!t/Hopeless Situations, Abus!ve Family (lightly mentioned), injuries (no blood mentioned; no SH scars mentioned), mentions of guns

Summary: you feel alone. miserable. hopeless. he is there to stop you.

A/N: Hi Anon! I'm so sorry this took so long and I hope it's acceptable. I really hope you're feeling better.. truly with love, unwishablestars♡

Hanzo

Hanzo has been friends with you since you were kids, both of you growing up in prestigious families.

Families that forced you to bear heavy responsibilities, high expectations, public facades and no real freedom of your own.

When your whole life had been planned out by anyone but you, you really felt like you had no one.

But you weren’t completely alone, no, not really. Hanzo always understood.

Hanzo understood how it felt to feel trapped and hopeless, like there was nothing else for you out there.

Inevitably you two became friends with a common struggle. You two stuck together, not only just because you had to but because you were there for each other.

To vent, to rant, to cry, for comfort.

Hearing the news of Genji and Hanzo you were distraught and worried.

Your friend had killed his own brother not long after his father had passed too. You were worried for him. He’s alone.

When you went to visit him, the look in his eyes was different. It was if you didn’t recognize him, and he was trying not to recognize you. To stop himself from dragging you any further in this faux and scripted life.

After a couple of years you hear about the fall of the Shimada Clan. How Hanzo had ran and disappeared.

This unintentionally caused your family to be stricter. Not wanting for their lives to fall like the Shimadas.

After Genji had met up with Hanzo, he repressed his fears and regrets and visited your home to see you, to help you.

Standing at your window, he finds you in tears, gun in your hand. He calls for your name gently, not to startle you.

Worry and regret in his eyes, he approached you slowly, and as the tears fall from both of you, he took the gun from your hands and held you close.

“I will get you out of here. I will not leave you again. I promise.”

Cassidy

Both you and Cassidy were forced to join Overwatch after being separated and captured from the Deadlock Gang

Prior to that you two were as thick as thieves(literally)

You felt alone for a while when you first joined the gang but they grew to be your family fairly quickly.

Despite being outlaws, you all seemed to have each other’s backs, no matter what.

But when the two of you were captured you were filled with a roller coaster of emotions

You hated how you were practically given no choice, you hated how they threatened to put you two in prison as if you didn’t work your asses off to try and survive out there.

Now you were forced to leave your found family to work for a bunch of stuck-ups who you believed don’t know what it’s like out there.

Both you and Cassidy were assigned to work with Blackwatch, which made you even more pissed; why did you have to be assigned with the unwelcoming team of the organization,

The team who did the dirty work with barely any recognition. Taken from your family, and forced to work with this? For the first time in so long, you felt alone again.

After a mission that ended in Cassidy losing his arm and you barely able to walk it increased the hopelessness of your life as a pawn; getting even worse as you still got scolded for who knows what.

There you were sat in your room, gun on the table, staring back at you as the tears fell. You felt so alone.. forced to be in a placed where you were barely understood, an organization that let your only family left to lose an arm. No appreciation, no recognition, no family..

Were you really about to die in a place that isn’t home? Family either injured or out of sight..?

Then the door creaked open

Cassidy looked at you with all the emotion in the world. Worry, empathy, love, care, fear, sadness, hopelessness.. everything.

He walked closer. Held you closer.

"I’m still here."

[aandrewscotts]

seblaine fandom you would love andriel