#please please someone write the transcript for thi

[octerminal]

Avoiding the ME1 LI Romances

...And also what to do if you’ve already triggered them.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to remake forever, and with the remaster around the corner I thought now was a good time to finally get on it.

A few things first: I say “avoiding the ME1 LI romances”, but in reality this is mostly going to be about Kaidan and Ashley. While there are a few ways around Liara’s romance I’ve discovered, I have never been able to find a simple way to avoid triggering it. (I’ll get to that later.)

This post will be split into three sections: Kaidan, Ashley, and Liara. Kaidan and Ashley’s sections specifically will go over how to avoid triggering their romances entirely, and then the dialogue choices you need to take if you want to end the romance if it’s already been triggered. I have also included a few bonus things for the both of them, such as avoiding the flirting during the scenic view cutscene in the Citadel Wards. For Kaidan specifically, I have also included content about his mechanics in ME3.

Please note that most of these have been accomplished on console. I have gotten several PC users who do attest that, at the very least, Kaidan’s portion works for them. But on the off-chance that platform influences other parts of Kaidan’s, or Ashley and Liara’s, I thought it was worth mentioning. It should also be said that, obviously, these are all using the original games as a basis, though I am not expecting MELE to change any of this.

I will also be using both my Kaidan transcript and Ashley transcript as reference for their dialogue. I recommend following along there if you find Tumblr’s formatting confusing.

Final note before we begin: this post is not an open invitation to hate on any of these characters. ME1 is turning 14 this year and ME3 recently turned 9. Anything you have to say about these characters and their romance mechanics has already been beaten to death, brought back to life, and beaten to death again. No one wants to hear it, least of all me. Please keep your comments to yourself and be civil.

KAIDAN

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Kaidan’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Kaidan will prompt the conversation, as he will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as his romance remains active. This conversation will be about his time at Brain Camp. You can read the conversation in his transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

KAIDAN: Commander, do you have a minute?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

KAIDAN: Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

SHEPARD: (Again, you may choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: I hear ya. It - It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view...or the dangers.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Zip it, Lieutenant.): I’m sure your letters home are very poignant. Just keep this kind of sentimentality out of the CIC.

KAIDAN: Yes, ma’am. Sorry to have wasted your time. I’m right about the mission, though. I know it. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

SHEPARD (Paragon - Cute way to look at it./Neutral - An old-fashioned view.): Well, well. You’re a romantic. Did you sign on “for the dream,” Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?

KAIDAN: Heh, yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp - ah, sorry, “Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.” I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just be ready.): I trust you won’t have any questions when whatever’s coming hits the fan?

KAIDAN: None. I’m not questioning the mission. I’m just concerned. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

The final chance to cut off Kaidan’s romance before it triggers happens after Shepard asks him about Brain Camp. This opens up a lot of investigation options and you may exhaust all of them. If you want to avoid hearing Kaidan imply that he thinks your Shepard is attractive, avoid the “Time to talk, then./Time to “get physical,” then.” investigation options. Once Kaidan is done speaking about Brain Camp, you will get one final chance to avoid his romance.

>THIRD CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago.

SHEPARD (Renegade - You’re right.): I pretty much gave up waiting for the good part.

KAIDAN: Bad habit, ma’am. I do tend to run off at the mouth. I will work on it for my next review. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation ends and his romance does not trigger.)

You will notice all of these are renegade options. There is literally no way around this if you want to avoid triggering Kaidan’s romance. You don’t get any renegade points from them, and Kaidan does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Kaidan’s romance remains active. Conversations between him and Shepard will end like this:

SHEPARD: We’ll talk later, Kaidan.

KAIDAN: I’d like that.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

The good news is that getting out of the romance is fairly simple. The game gives you a lot of opportunities before it triggers the love triangle with Liara (assuming her romance has also been triggered, anyway).

If Kaidan’s romance was triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of his second and third post-main mission talks. These are a bit more complex to transcribe, so I really recommend just reading them in my transcription if you need the exact dialogue options to understand.

But the gist: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end his romance. You are almost never going to end his romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. He will always prompt this conversation by wondering if he’s gotten his signals mixed up, if there’s someone else you’d rather spend time with, if he’s being too casual, etc. Once he does this, just shoot him down with a renegade dialogue option.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. He will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an example. This one occurs in his second post-main mission talk if Liara’s romance hasn’t been triggered:

KAIDAN: I’m just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do and I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I don’t need approval.): I’m your commanding officer, Alenko. Are you questioning the way I handle things?

KAIDAN: No, Commander. Just concerned about the reception of the brass if things go sour. I apologize for bringing it up. I know we’re getting the job done.

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever response you like; they all lead to the romance ending.)

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Kaidan after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Kaidan’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “renegade” Kaidan’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go like this:

KAIDAN: So yeah, I hated that turian. But he wasn’t “a turian” to me. He was Vyrnnus.

SHEPARD (Renegade - All turians are the same.): You can’t deny the turians are imperialists. And the asari, the salarians - they’re manipulators.

KAIDAN: Shepard, I outgrew the blame game years ago. If the Alliance is missing its chance, it’s because of men like Udina. Not the rest of the galaxy holding it back.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’m not so sure.): When anyone out here listens to us, the Council starts up with their treaties and heel-dragging. We can only rely on ourselves.

KAIDAN: We’re not doing the galaxy any favors if we try to force our way into a seat at the grown-up table. They aren’t - malicious. They’re just slow to change. My story doesn’t get any better if Vyrnnus is a good guy.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Whose side are you on?): I don’t need you kissing the Council’s asses, too.

KAIDAN: Look, Shepard. You’re in command, and we’ll all follow your lead. But don’t ream me out for having an opinion. I thought we respected each other more than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I can’t respect this.): I can’t believe you’d side with aliens over your own kind. I think we’re done here.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I think we are. It’s--It’s too bad we...It’s just too bad, Commander.

This argument will end his romance. He will also not be renegaded. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end his romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious, and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Kaidan will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, his romance. It is entirely possible to not have him flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want him to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Kaidan’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Kaidan’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Kaidan for the rest of the game.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIM FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE HOSPITAL THOUGH?”

I have tested both of these personally multiple times and they have always worked for me, but again: see my warning about different platforms at the beginning of this post. If it doesn’t work for you, please let me know.

If you have not romanced Kaidan previously: don’t buy him the alcohol as a present. That’s it.

If you have romanced Kaidan previously: on Mars, tell him your relationship is over. It is a renegade dialogue option, but it is necessary to avoid the flirtation in the hospital. This route also means that you can buy him the alcohol and he will still not flirt with you.

Please note that going renegade on Mars does not lock you out of his romance. It merely prevents him from assuming you’re interested during your hospital visit.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIS APOLLO’S PROPOSITION THOUGH?”

This only happens if you have not locked in your romance with your preferred love interest first. For Garrus, this is the bottle shooting date. For Tali and Traynor, it’s inviting her up to your cabin. For Liara and Miranda, it’s her Presidium date. So on and so forth.

This means there is no way around it if you romanced Jacob or Thane and do not want to pursue a different romance after them. If you do get this scene: again, just turn him down. It is never brought up again. He does not act like he’s in love with you going forth. You will get his unromanced date in the Citadel DLC, as well as his unromanced London goodbye.

ASHLEY

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Ashley’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Ashley will prompt the conversation, as she will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as her romance remains active. This conversation will be about her concerns about the aliens aboard the Normandy.

Note: Ashley has one less opportunity to avoid triggering her romance in the first post-main mission talk compared to Kaidan. You may also read the conversation in her transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

ASHLEY: Commander. You have a minute to talk?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

ASHLEY: I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but - I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?

SHEPARD: (Again, you can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons.

SHEPARD (Side - You're out of line!): That's enough, Chief. You always second-guess your superiors?

ASHLEY: Sir! No, sir! I'm sorry. I was out of line. I'll get back to my duties, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

If you do not pick the above option, Ashley will elaborate her stance further until you get to the dialogue wheel with the second (and final) chance to avoid her romance.

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, my great-grandmother - they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just shut up.): I expect you to keep your family politics to yourself, Chief. The mission will be difficult enough without you picking fights with aliens.

ASHLEY: Aye, aye, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

Note: You can still pick the investigation dialogue options that discusses her service and family history. You just have to pick the renegade dialogue option outlined above afterward, instead of any other option.

Like with Kaidan, you do not get any renegade points for picking this option and Ashley does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Ashley’s romance remains active. Conversations between her and Shepard will end with the following:

SHEPARD: We'll talk later, Williams.

ASHLEY: Looking forward to it, sir.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

Admittedly, you have fewer easy opportunities to end Ashley’s romance than you do Kaidan’s, and most of the early game ones require Liara’s romance also being active. You are still offered multiple different opportunities out before the game ends, however.

If Ashley and Liara’s romances are both triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of Ashley’s second and third post-main mission talks to end the romance. The gist is the same as Kaidan’s: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end her romance. You are almost never going to end her romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. She will always prompt this conversation by bringing up your relationship with Liara. Once she does this, just shoot her down.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. She will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

In both the second and third post-main mission talks, the conversation will go something like:

ASHLEY: Surprised to see you here, sir. Thought you’d be chatting up what’s-her-name. T’Soni.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here; they both lead to the same dialogue branch.)

ASHLEY: Scuttlebutt says you’ve got a bit of a thing for her. I could understand why. The crew’s off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here. They both end the romance.)

One of the easier exceptions to this that doesn't require Liara’s romance being active is in the second post-main mission talk when Ashley gets Sarah’s vid-mail. It will go like this:

SARAH: - Oh, before I go. You said you’re serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He’s cute! Later, sis.

ASHLEY: Tell me you didn’t hear that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - That’s unprofessional.): I don’t need to tell you it’s inappropriate to gossip about how “cute” your commanding officer is.

ASHLEY: No, sir. You don’t. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. (Conversation and romance ends.)

Please note, however, that this will lock you out of the remainder of the conversation and you will not learn about Ashley’s family.

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Ashley after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Ashley’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “paragon” Ashley’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go something like this:

ASHLEY: But hey, once we save the galaxy, maybe the Alliance will get its act together. Start acting like an actual government.

SHEPARD (Paragon - The Alliance is all right.): The Alliance isn’t perfect, but it does well enough.

ASHLEY: Have to disagree with you there, skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?

SHEPARD (Paragon - It’s not like that.): The Alliance should be able to stand on is own. We can’t. Yet. Why not learn from the races that have been standing for the last thousand years?

ASHLEY: How can you say that, given everything we’ve seen out here? They’re already acting like Saren is our problem. Already siccing us on the bear. The Council races will always think of themselves first. It’s - human nature. We can’t afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’ve heard enough.): Whatever feelings I might have for you, we have to work with the Council. I can’t let you second-guess our superiors.

ASHLEY: Shepard, I’m a soldier. You’re my commander. If you give me an order, I’ll follow it. I don’t expect you to treat me differently from anyone else under your command. And if you have been - quit it. I thought you knew me better than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Do I?): Seems like every time we run up against aliens, you whip out the “Earth first” card. I can’t have my authority undermined.

ASHLEY: I never intended to “undermine” you, Shepard. I believe in you. I wish you’d believe in anyone but yourself. With your permission, sir, I’ll return to my duties.

This argument will end her romance. She will also not be paragoned. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end her romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious (that final line, oof), and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Like with Kaidan, depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Ashley will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, her romance. It is entirely possible to not have her flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want her to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also like with Kaidan, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Ashley’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Ashley’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Ashley for the rest of the game.

LIARA

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I have found no easy way around Liara’s romance. If anyone else has, I genuinely mean it when I say I would absolutely be open to you telling me, because I would love to know.

The only way to avoid triggering Liara’s romance that I have found are the following:

Simply not talking to her for most of the game (not ideal)

Completing Therum only after you’ve done at least two main missions (also not ideal since it will require Noveria being completed without her)

Completing Therum only after all the other main missions have been completed (again not ideal, though every player should at least do this once if only for the unique content you get from it)

Okay, so what if you want to complete Therum first but still avoid Liara’s romance? I have found one way to accomplish this, but it requires you to be in a romance with Kaidan (or presumably Ashley, but I have only tested this with Kaidan).

After you recruit Liara, you may check up on her in the med-bay but do not initiate conversation after that. If she prompts you by saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander,” do not pick the yellowed dialogue option:

[image ID: ME1′s subtitles showing Liara saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander.” with the dialogue wheel showing the following options: “Investigate”, a yellowed option above “Investigate” labeled “I’d like to talk about you.”, and “Goodbye.” end ID.]

After you complete another main mission, you can check back in with Liara and speak to her normally. This conversation should be the one you’d normally get after Therum, where you learn about why she likes archaeology and how she finds Shepard fascinating.

After you complete another main mission, you must talk to Kaidan or Ashley first. To clarify: at this point you should be at the post-third main mission mark. For Kaidan, you will be getting the “Vyrnnus and Rahna” talk that you can read in his transcript; for Ashley, you will be getting the “Williams Curse” talk that you can read in her transcript.

After you speak with Kaidan or Ashley, you may speak with Liara as normal. This conversation should be picking up on where you left off last time. Liara will talk about how she’s looked into Shepard’s history and Shepard can press her for why she’s so interested in them. Liara should then say something like the following lines:

LIARA: I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond that. My interest in you, however, is strictly professional. I want to make that clear. It is obvious you and Lt. Alenko already have some type of relationship. I would not want to come between you.

Her romance will not trigger for the rest of the game.

Please note: Again, I have only tested this with Kaidan. But it should, in theory, work the exact same for Ashley considering many of hers and Kaidan’s other romance mechanics are identical.

“THAT’S NICE, BUT HOW DO I END HER ROMANCE IF IT’S ALREADY TRIGGERED?”

You will follow the same steps as in Kaidan and Ashley’s portions. When she prompts you with whether or not there’s anything between the two of you, you must turn her down. You can never go wrong with the renegade dialogue options here. Again: you get no renegade points for it, and Liara treats you no differently going forth.

She will also usually bring up Kaidan or Ashley depending on what Shepard you are playing, and mention that it seems like there’s something between the two of you even when you do not have their romance active. If you aren’t romancing the VS, just tell her that she’s got it wrong, because...she does. It does not re-trigger either of their romances.

YES I AM ALMOST DONE TALKING

The game really does give you ample opportunities to avoid or end the romances (which is only fair considering how easy they are to trip), so hopefully I have outlined at least one you are comfortable taking.

There are other ways to end both Kaidan and Ashley’s romance that I did not mention (such as during the locker scene, or if you try to un-paragon/renegade) - the point of no return you mainly have to worry about is en route to Ilos. I imagine most players will have their romances sorted out by then, though, so I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning unless you’re wanting to do it purely for roleplay reasons. (In which case: you may read those in their respective transcripts if you’re curious.)

I cannot say I have tested every single romance cut-off, but I have tested most of the important ones players are most likely to take. I am assuming the romances are cut off based on the fact Shepard and the VS’ farewells will change depending on their romanced status (as I outlined in their respective sections), which I do feel is a safe bet. But if you try one of these and find that it did not end the romance: I’m sorry, and please do let me know (and also what platform you play on).

If you read all of this: thank you for your time, and I hope you find this guide useful!

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous)

When Lappland woke up that morning, the first thing she noticed was how cold her bed was; the second thing was the Doctor-shaped hole in it; and the third was that it was, in fact, her bed and not his. This series of observations confused her - she’d definitely fallen asleep in his bed last night and had been for the past four months - and so she did what any rational person would do: yell.

“Doctoooor!” The Lupo roamed around her apartment, finding neither hide nor hair of her captive darling...darling captive? He was hers, that was what mattered. “Dooooctooooor! You there, my guy?...No?...Well, shit, where’d he go? I’ll try texting him.”

A rigorous search of her phone told her nothing - or, rather, it told her ALL information related to the Doctor she’d kept on there (contact info, some pictures both safe for work and otherwise, conversations, anything related to him) had been precision-stripped from her device while leaving everything else intact. It was like he’d never existed according to her phone. “Well, fuck. Weird bug, but maybe someone can help me find him. Or fix my phone. One of the two. Seriously, what the fuck happened?”

“Lappland?” A voice at her front door. Since she was wearing pajamas (for some reason), there wasn’t anything to stop her from answering.

“Yeah? Oh, hey, Pipsqueak.” Her ‘affectionate’ name for Sussurro. “What’s up?”

The Vulpo simply gave her a look - not offended, at least not at this hour of the day. “You were calling for a doctor.”

“Huh? No, I was calling for Doctor.”

“The only difference is a definite article in there.” She walked around the Lupo in a tight circle. “Feeling alright?”

Lappland...well, she might as well tell someone what was happening, and Pipsqueak seemed to know something. “You know where The Doctor is?”

“Who are you referring to? Dr. Kal’tsit?” Now Sussurro’s tone was drifting into confusion.

“No, The Doctor.” The Lupo shook her head. “Company hoodie, runs strategy and personal relations, been shacking up with him for the past four months?”

More, deeper confusion. “I’m sorry, Lappland, I don’t know who you’re talking about. Four months, you say?”

“Yeah. Look, he gave me thi- what the fuck?!” There should’ve been a bite mark from the other night on one of her shoulders, but it, too, was gone.

“Calm down, Lappland,” the Vulpo advised. “Would you mind coming with me to my office so we can get this down in writing?”

She certainly did...but she needed her Doctor and she needed him NOW, damnit. At least Pipsqueak wanted to help. “Yeah, sure, whatever brings him back, take me with you.”

“Alright. If you wouldn’t mind stepping in front of me? I’ll tell you when to turn.” With that, the Lupo took the lead, following Sussurro’s directions to Medical, then to a small office near the front.

“Good morning, Dr. Sussurro,” Ptilopsis chirped as they entered the office. “How may we help you?”

The Vulpo gestured to the door. “Close that for us; I’ll be writing a transcript for an exam with Lappland here.”

“An exam? You think I’m lying?”

“Lying, no,” the Medic replied, “but there’s a reason you remember this Doctor person and I don’t- Ptilopsis? Something wrong?”

At the mention of ‘Doctor,’ Tilly had stutter-stepped. “Corrupted database entry found: one file labeled ‘The Doctor.’ Peripheral contamination detected; quarantining affected data...This unit needs to record this infraction.”

“Close the door and record it for the transcript; this is more serious than I thought. Perhaps some kind of cognition hazard...” Sussurro hopped over to where she kept her medical journal, flipped to a fresh page, and began writing furiously.

“You remember him, too, then?” Lappland grabbed the Liberi’s shoulder as she turned away from the now-closed door. “Do you know what happened?! Tell me if you do!”

Ptilopsis shuddered. “This unit apologizes, User Lappland, but this unit’s memory bank has been corrupted. This unit cannot determine the veracity of their data-”

“To hell with that! What. Do. You. Know.” The frenzy was starting to kick in.

“Lappland, control yourself or I will be forced to control you,” Sussurro called from her desk, eyeing her patient with a frown. “Please give us time. We’re working through this together.”

The Lupo growled. “I could throw you across the room and make sure you wouldn’t bounce.”

“I believe that. Ptilopsis, how are you doing?”

“Data recovery complete,” Tilly replied as her eyes changed color. “Assuming direct control.”

Both Vulpo and Vulpo-chucker looked at the Liberi. “Ptilopsis?”

“She realized I was the only one who knew what happened to him, so I’m gonna take over for a minute. Nice to see the outside after all that time cooped up in her head.” She giggled.

“...Ah.” Sussorro reached for her tranquilizer setup. “What happened, then?”

The Other Voice grinned at Lappland. “This is all a dream, lil’ Lappy. Alllll a dream.”

“Then get me the fuck out of it.”

“Oh, I can’t.” ‘Ptilopsis’ opened the door. “Go find Dusk. She’ll get you out.”

The Lupo was gone before the tranq dart landed in the analyst’s neck.

Locating Dusk was actually rather simple: find Saga. “Hey! Saga! Where’s Dusk?”

“Oh! Hail and well met, Miss Lappland!” The Perro gestured to a nearby wall that was curled in on itself - attempted camouflage? Hard to say. “Surely you shall come upon her in here, although she has most graciously asked for a warning-”

“I’ll give her a warning, alright. Thanks.” No further questions; the Lupo charged across the painting’s threshold.

The monk looked on for a moment. “If only I’d spoken more precisely. I meant to give her a warning, not ask her to give one in turn...”

“Ashes to SilverAsh, dust to Dusk!” Lappland called into the inky blackness she’d found waiting for her. “I don’t know why I’m here, but you’d better take me back quickly!”

“Even a facsimile of Saga can’t help but be helpful, it seems. Will you stop shouting so much if I send you back?” The Dusk addressed her without revealing herself.

Her visitor, though, knew exactly where she was. “You’re my world’s Dusk?”

“Obviously.” The artist waited. “So?”

“Take me back, or my shouting will be the least of your problems.” Lappland’s hand was pressed against the back of her neck.

Dusk sighed. “A thousand rivers will dry before a drop of my blood meets the earth. You really think-”

“I don’t.” The Lupo struck the Dusk’s back with her other hand in three very specific places, and her victim fell forward. “I also found the exit while you were replying. You’ll be back on your feet in an hour. The next time you do this, you’re dead.”

“Ah...So this is where she took her?” The Doctor was standing in front of a conspicuous, swirling void made of paint.

Saga nodded. “Verily, I witnessed her in the midst of crossing the threshold. Doctor, thine anger burns brighter than I hath seen.”

“Don’t worry, Saga, I’m not angry.” He cracked his neck. “I’m furious. When I see her-”

“Doctor!!!” Lappland, like a streak of white lightning, bolted across the threshold and sent them both flying into the opposite wall.

Their Perro witness clapped. “Lappland! Thou hast spared Dusk the wrath of thine beloved!”

“Why?” Said beloved’s face was covering her with kisses and secondhand tears at the moment. “Why the fuck did she take you?”

She didn’t have an answer for that, and she didn’t care; much more important was the fact that she was home.

“If I might interject? Lady Dusk oft spoke of Lappland’s cackling having a powerfully distracting effect on her. Mayhaps she found herself incapable of restraining herself and acted out in anger?”

“...Sounds like what she said,” the Lupo muttered in the Doctor’s ear. “Can we go home?”

He squeezed her tightly to his chest before letting her rise to her feet and following suit. “Let’s go home...Saga? Let Dusk know I’ll need to speak with her tomorrow. I see a lot of Orirock in her future, and I’m not talking about her painting a fucking mountain.”

“Um, yes, I shall inform her of thine will post-haste.” Saga took her leave into the ink dimension.

“She’s got another fifty minutes of time-out,” Lappland noted, her entire demeanor muted by relief, both hers and her dearest’s. “Some god...same weak points as a Lung...”

The Doctor squeezed her hand. “Let’s forget about her for the rest of the day, hmm? All that matters right now is that you’re here, and I’m here, and that’s not changing any time soon.”

“Mmm...Yeah. You have my phone on you?”

“Sure do.” He handed it to her, and she opened her photo album. “Everything there?”

The Perro nodded, scrolling until she was satisfactorily reassured that this was the right reality she was in, before putting it away in her pajama pants pocket. Everything was back to the way it should be.

Everything, that is, except for Dusk’s locomotive capabilities, but they’d sort themselves out eventually.

[madtype]

Cabaret Club Czar Training - YUKI (Part 4)

yuki’s training continues! this time she and majima discuss personal improvement, unsuccessful job hunting, and how yuki ended up as a hostess.

highlights: - majima being very kind and supportive to yuki regardless of the option chosen - yuki still being too nervous to even theoretically sit a job interview - majima making brazen assumptions about yuki’s love life...

full transcript under the cut!

---

MAJIMA: Okay, ready for another round of talking?

YUKI: Yes, please!

M: Wow, Yuki-chan. You've got those battle butterflies all sorted out, don't ya?

Y: Well, it is just you, Majima-san.

M: Hey, we'll have none of that, thanks.

M: Alright! I'm the customer, you're the hostess, same as always. Are ya ready?

Y: Yeah! Of course!

Y: Welcome to Club Sunshine, Yuki! I mean, customer!

M: ...We still ain't there.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y: Majima-san, thank you for requesting me. It's pretty cold today, isn't it?

M: Hey, Yuki-chan. You're lookin' cute as ever today.

Y: Haha... Hahahahaha...

M: Yo, what's with the giggles? I'm tryin' to talk to you like a customer would.

Y: Oh, I'm sorry! Majima-san, when you're the one telling me I'm cute, I can't help it... Hahaha.

M: Well, whatever works. At least you're doing okay when it's me you're practicin' with.

Y: Y-Yeah. I used to get nervous even talking to you, Majima-san. But with your help, I feel like... I'm getting it now.

Y: Even the conversations with my customers are getting longer lately. I'm actually starting to have fun at work!

M: That so? What ya been talkin' about?

Y: Everything and nothing. What they've done recently, what they ate... Oh, and hobbies!

M: Hobbies? Yeah, I seem to recall yours was...

> Writing in a diary.

M: ...Writing in a diary, right?

Y: That's right! I've recently started keeping a log of the customers I get each day, and I note all of their unique qualities and conversation topics.

M: Ah, that's some nice dedication to your customers. Way to go, Yuki-chan.

Y: I know my customer service skills aren't that great yet, so I thought I'd do what I can to get better.

Y: Well, I'm still working at it. I know I've got room to grow.

M: Hey, that's some good stuff right there, Yuki-chan. You've come a real long way.

> Bonsai.

M: It was bonsai, right?

Y: Wow, Majima-san, you actually remembered I raise bonsai? That's amazing! I only mentioned it briefly, didn't I?

M: Heh. When you're working at a cabaret club, a steel trap memory is half the battle.

Y: That's true. I found myself forgetting little things, so I started keeping a log of my customers' unique qualities and conversation topics in my diary.

M: Ahh, so now you've practically got a case file on your customers. Way to go, Yuki-chan.

Y: I know my customer service skills aren't that great yet, so I thought I'd do what I can to get better.

Y: Well, I'm still working at it. I know I've got room to grow.

M: Hey, that's some good stuff right there, Yuki-chan. You've come a real long way.

> Reading self-help books.

M: ...Reading relationship self-help books, right?

Y: N-No, it isn't! I mean, I guess I did read one. Once.

M: Yeah, what was the line you fed me? “Meat and potatoes are the quickest way to a man's heart!” Somethin' like that?

Y: Ahhhhh! Seriously! Just forget about that, please!

M: Heh heh heh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: So, the club's come quite a long way, hasn't it? And you've been here since the beginning to see it all change.

Y: Yes, right. I've only been here for six months, though. I graduated from college just this year.

M: Yeah, remember when this place had three girls in it, including you?

M: So tell me somethin'. Why's a girl like you working in a club like this, anyway?

Y: Th-That's because...

M: Last time I asked, ya clammed up just like this. Maybe it's time ya cleared the air.

Y: ...... (uehh..)

Y: I... I couldn't find a job.

M: Eh?

Y: After I graduated from college, my job search was going nowhere, and I couldn't find anything!

M: Really? In this day and age? Companies are practically hirin' bums off the street, and you couldn't get a bite?

Y: I-It's true! I'm a pathetic woman who couldn't get an offer from a single company!

Y: I do pretty well on written tests, but I get nervous easily, so I'm terrible at interviews. I'm not a good liar like most people are, either.

Y: *sighs* I'm a real loser, aren't I?

> They were clueless.

M: Lettin' someone like you slip through the cracks was a mistake, Yuki-chan. Those fool companies were clueless.

Y: What?

M: Look around ya. It's the times we're in. Everybody's dressed to the nines in lies and vanity, tryin' to one up the competition.

M: But you don't do that. You just put yourself out there the way ya are, honest almost to a fault.

M: I wanna work with people I can believe in. I'd hire an awkward gal who can't tell a lie over a buncha smooth-talkin' succubi any day of the week.

Y: Majima-san, you've made me so happy. I... faced a lot of rejection, but in the end, I'm glad I got to work here.

M: Really?

Y: Yes. Otherwise, I never would have learned to talk to people like this. And I met you, Majima-san, along with everyone else here.

M: Well then, I'm glad ya got rejected too. If you weren't here at the club, who knows what woulda happened.

Y: I'm glad I'm awkward.

> Honesty is a talent.

M: I'd say bein' unable to tell a lie is actually a pretty positive quality, Yuki-chan.

Y: What?

M: Look around ya. It's the times we live in. Everybody's dressed to the nines in lies and vanity, tryin'to one up the competition.

M: But you don't do that. You just put yourself out there the way ya are, honest almost to a fault.

M: I wanna work with people I can believe in. I'd hire an awkward gal who can't tell a lie over a buncha smooth-talkin' succubi any day of the week.

Y: Majima-san, you've made me so happy. I... faced a lot of rejection, but in the end, I'm glad I got to work here.

M: Really?

Y: Yes. Otherwise, I never would have learned to talk to people like this. And I met you, Majima-san, along with everyone else here.

M: Well then, I'm glad ya got rejected too. If you weren't here at the club, who knows what woulda happened.

Y: I'm glad I'm awkward.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: So how'd it happen? I imagine ya musta met Youda-chan somehow, eh?

Y: Yeah. I was spacing out at a park by myself. I shudder to think what would've happened if he didn't approach me.

M: Interesting. I wonder what possessed Youda-chan to roll up on you.

Y: I remember him saying, “There's something brilliant within you! You're the kind of girl that only appears once in a decade!” That's Youda-san for you.

M: Oh. Uhh... I see.

Y: Youda-san is a really bad judge of character, isn't he?

M: Nah, nah, I disagree.

M: So, Yuki-chan, if you could get a normal day job now, would ya still wanna go do that instead of the cabaret club?

Y: I don't know. Until recently, I really wanted to quit this job, to be honest.

Y: But now, I want to see what I can make of myself at this club for a while.

M: I see.

Y: Of course, at some point I'd like to resume my job search and try to get an office job.

Y: But, this club is a comfortable place to be, and I learn so much every day. So I'm thinking maybe I should grow up a little more here before I start looking again.

> You gotta get sexier.

M: If that's the case, your next goalpost's gotta be sexiness.

Y: Me, s-sexy? Why's that?

M: Considering the world we live in, bein' sexy is a great way to land an interview. Women got some tools men don't, so ain't no harm in usin' em.

Y: I-I see. That makes sense. Maybe I failed my interviews because I wasn't sexy enough.

M: Yeah, maybe that was the problem. And maybe a bunch of other things, too...

M: Nothin' better than an interviewer flustered by a sexy woman, though. He's tryin' to ask ya questions when all he really wants to know is the color of your damn underwear!

Y: O-Okay! But I wouldn't want to answer that question...

> You can network here!

M: Ya never know, one of your clients could turn out to be a corporate manager.

Y: What?

M: If he likes ya, he might offer you a job right there on the spot. Haha.

Y: Whaaat? Though I guess that does happen in manga!

Y: Wh-What would I do? I'm getting nervous just thinking about it...

M: Hey, relax, Yuki-chan. Lay your best line on me.

Y: Wh-What can I do for you Mr. President... My name Yuki... It nice to meet you...

M: Oh man, you sound more nervous than a foreigner on her first day at a shady bar.

> I'll work ya hard!

M: Nice. But fair warning, I'm gonna put the screws to ya!

Y: Y-Yes! I'm looking forward to it! I'll work hard!

M: Heh. You've changed, Yuki-chan. Look at that confidence. I bet you'd ace a company interview now.

Y: R-Really? Heh heh... Hahahaha.

M: ...Just make sure ya don't laugh like that at the interview, or they'll boot ya right out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: Alright, let's call it a day. Good job, Yuki-chan.

Y: Sure. Thank you very much. Whew... Now I'm getting sleepy all of a sudden, now that I can relax. *yawn*

M: You gettin' enough sleep at night, Yuki-chan?

Y: Oh, y-yes. I just had an unexpected guest over last night, so...

M: Oh, I see. A late night guest, eh? Well, now.

Y: Huh? What is it?

> A lady needs sleep.

M: Nothin', nothin'. Just get your beauty sleep, Yuki-chan.

M: Lack of sleep's bad for the skin! And it's doubly bad if ya fall asleep on the job.

Y: Y-Yes! Thanks for your concern. They say nothing's more important to a woman than her skin, after all. And it would be rude to the customer. I'll be careful!

M: Yeah, nothin' wrong with going out for a night on the town. Just don't overdo it, right?

Y: Huh? Going out? I don't really understand, but, anyway, I'll get more sleep!

> I wish ya the best.

M: Well then, Yuki-chan, I wish ya nothin' but happiness.

Y: Huh? Wh-What are you talking about? I don't understand what you're getting at!

M: It's okay, it's no problem. A bit of a shame, I guess, but if you're happy, I'm happy too.

Y: Um, uh. Thank you? Well, I am happy. I guess I'll keep on being happy!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M: Okay, I think that'll do it.

Y: Th-Thank you for the lesson.

M: Sure thing. Good job.

[taiey]

The continuing adventures of “taiey writes liveblogs that probably only make sense with a transcript of the movie to line it up with”.

no peter please don't go after him

he really does get the most dramatic lines—ooh, green reflection in the window!

wow, that's. She really does ask for validation a lot of times

:((( this whole goblin kit thing is really elaborate? like, i thought you would've failed science. there is mechanical engineering. and chemical. for bombs.

That's a really, really stable spider web that is also flexible enough to support them without clinging, at that angle

[obligatory evil meteor mention]

Surprisingly evil-looking mail delivery guy! Uuunless you're her dad and you live here or. Oh, okay.

Oh, May.

But, like, no pressure or anything.

!!! her ring.

ahh evil evil scooter. of evil.

Harry this is not a good way to have an honest conversation. Stop punching your friend. No, I don't care that you're in costume, he's not, that makes it—DON'T STAB HIM!

I guess by the time your friend is yelling at you about his father, while wearing his green goblin costume and standing on his green goblin scooty-fly, it is acceptable to tell your friend his father was the green goblin, despite said father's dying request.

Dude! Attempts at vengeance on your best friend for murder of your father are NOT an excuse for massive property damage! I hope you pay for the repairs OH AND ALSO did no one get hurt by that massive shower of bricks onto a busy street??

"I'm still here! And now I have a lightsaber!"

oh no what if your new superpowers don't cover falling from heights? (I'm sure they do, I know he dies at the end of the movie.)

I wonder, again, if Peter took him out of the goblin costume first. like. awkward.

Wait, what? I thought when that guy jumped/fell out a window he died.

There's marshland in New York? With a terribly ill-secured particle physics laboratory?

OH MY GOODNESS YOU GUYS, YOU'RE TERRIBLE! you can't even check how much mass is in the reactor? How many birds with superpowers does New York have now?

Also awkward: imagine if those cops had gotten there slightly differently and fallen into the spinny thing toooo...

Go. See. Him. and hope maybe he doesn't remember you're spiderman if he doesn't remember you saved his liiiffffe  (oh, good.)

Hey, Peter, you maybe want to. idk. Tell MJ. Some relevant facts, about her friends and his father and.

yikes that's some horrifying sand movement. like. yeeesh no.

Oh... your hand cannot pick up your daughter's locket. :( —yes! go hand, reformed hand! Woohoo! :D

Hey, nice green-ing, sand. Good job. Stripy and everything.

Yeah dude no. Don't start talking about spidey now. The other stuff was kinda okay but not, well.

Okay so when there's a large metal beam swinging about nearby your window... maybe... not? with the walking towards it?

Man, what is wrong with this crane?

you did not pick a good guy to insult peter parker to, whatsyaname. eddy. Ed. idk.

“YOU TELL MY WIFE thank you.” heh. Slight, teeny, tiny, character development, I love.

He didn't see you there, I didn't see you with a camera. Where'd you get the camera from, Pete?

Ed. Shut up. He's paying you $50 for a front page shot, he does not value anything about you.

Like, that could be a conflict for Peter, ‘i could stage that and get a steady job’ buut I already know the plot of this movie and can kinda guess how Edward gets that shot.

That is an excellent Stan Lee cameo.

...how much... exactly... has harry lost of his memory... if he doesn't know he has money...

SUPER EVIL REFLEXES!!

...oh, Mary Jane.

...oh no don't you be jealous.

This'd be a really awkward parade thing if he decided to not in faaact show up oh no. Oh, no. Oh, man.

Wow, that sure is a conveniently placed "Sand & Stone" truck. Where'd you get that shovel?

Wow, bullets work surprisingly well considering he's made. of sand.

[obligatory note of happiness about the MJ&Harry bit. and. honesty.]

dude put yer mask back on

ehhhh look the thing about the humble never-asks-to-be-thanked thing is that it doesn't work when. this.

Oh my goodness he asks her? He suggests it?? Peter, no!

"No, Spider Man, no!" I relate to this kid.

like, i've seen gifs ofit, that shekissed him but i did not realise he aSKS HER TO

Yeah, same, Mary Jane!

haha but maybe this time mary jane won't be kidnapped

The sand is now driving a truck. Poorly.

Yeeeesh no, stop, no, ~sheriff~? You’re not.

tbh what if you just. Let him take the money. So much property damage going on here. So very much.

WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T KISS SOMEONE. WHILE PREPARING TO PROPOSE TO SOMEONE ELSE. WHAT. IF.

This guy... is gonna end up bringing you that ring at the worst possible moment during your inevitable argument. Isn't he. Isn't he, Peter.

You could also try telling him you got fired, MJ. He knows that feeling! Kind of.

...not that you should say that, Peter. 'cause it's kind of only kinda.

how have you not noticed how terribly your spider man/actress analogies go over. every single time.

Like in a literary sense it's kinda cool, there are parallels between their experiences, kinda... BUT NOT RIGHT nooow

shhuuuttt uppp (this is all like 5 seconds, i just keep. pausing.)

Hey, what could make Mary Jane feel worse right now? ENTER GWEN STACY.

ENTER GWEN STACY TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE KISSED SPIDERMAN

“Who kisses Spiderman?? :D” "Me. Most days. When I'm not mad at him for beiNG TERRIBLE."

I. I'm not sure. like. what the point of that question is. There is no good answer.

No. He did not, MJ. He had idea how it would make you feel, because BOY I DUNNO.

um. usher guy. no. SHE JUST LEFT, WHY WOULD YOU SEND THE CHAMpagne in anyway, whyy

Beep!

Oh, hey! I was right! That other guy did die, probably ...aand it wasn't your fault. technically.

We chased down the wrong guy?

Pfff.

Yeah so I think so far he really hasn't killed anyone. Not counting Norman or Ock on technicalities.

Does he feel guilty? About you or about... okay, don't say "I don't need you" to Mary Jane Watson. That's a bad idea.

The evil ooze has been hanging out in your bedroom for ?? weeks and it's only now that it attacks you? infects. thing.

"Hey, this was a lot quicker than last time I made a new costume."

Spiderman is just, like, an accepted traffic hazard by now, right?

Oh, I'm so glad he's being suspicious of the black goop.

...you're not a biologist, but you can recognise a symbiote on a molecular level in minutes when it's AN ALIEN.

dude please realise you look super evil now. even to —haha like you shouldn't smash people's cameras but also haha

"Little did Spiderman know, I have TWO cameras!"

OK I'll admit the black is legitimately good for hiding on dark ceilings

TRAIN ASSISTED WEB KICK!

oh gosh the body horror from this sand thing—hope that pipe wasn't important--ooh, water works.

...also hope this large tank of pressurised water isn't important and won't flood annnything else.

EVIL HAIR-PULLING-DOWN

...that's... kinda a valid point? but. I mean sure, he should fix the door, probably, just not being polite

Hey, Peter, you made a good decision! Nice! AND STAY OFF.

Aunt May isn't having any of this "murder can be good" stuff.

revenge == the symbiote ??

Waitress/Singer is a job? ...also maybe you should tell your boyfriend about thi—Harry paints? Cool!

(Does Harry know that MJ's dating Peter?)

Yell at people and they offer you oranges?

Hee Ursula! :D

He also cooks! And they dance!

M. J. Do not. Noooooo whyy

oh no. noo. different no. :((( no. Please, Harry. Keep your eyes off 'the ball' and ahhh—hey, there's that scene that wasn't in the VHS version.

Harry?? This is like 20% of the reason you wear a mask, dude!

whiiiplaaash oh my goodness ahh poor Mary Jane.

:((( see this is the kind of quality anguish you can get when you don't just discriminately kidnap, other supervillains take note

pete. pete. pe ter par ker. "I'm breaking up with you" is not. in fact. a good segue to "Let's get married"

Took them three movies but they finally made acting plot relevant. It's not! that hard!

AND THEN. YOU GO BACK TO PETER. AND PRETEND TO BE HIS AMNESIAC BEST FRIEND oh my goodness and then you use her omitive lie about the shoW AND THEN WE GO FULL SM1

“but. but she broke up with *you*, because she was in love with *me*. !!”

what. Why are. you winking?

Bright green coffee sign!

nooo. emotional anguish---->TERRIBLE LIFE CHOICES

Right, Harry, overall—because I mean high marks for ingenuity and not-kidnapping, but—you're really lacking on the follow through here, like for keeping up the act. And wow that is a lot alcohol in front of you.

Harry please notice the ominous black spidey suit. Please. Soon.

harry im not sure you've noticed but you have blades. on. ur arm.

Takes symbiote!Pete to point out the obvious: that Norman.didn't.deserve you.

Kinda funny how after all that the picture in question is not, in fact, of Peter actually doing anything wrong.

OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S PHOTOSHOPPED? IT'S not even actually symby-spidey?

Yeah, no, Ed. I can forgive a lot of things. But reposts with the watermarks edited out? Not that.

hahahah

Symby-Pete likes Ursula's food?   . . .ah

*hair flick*

water doesn't kill him forever. :o

OH MAN PETER NO.

symbiote-Pete spends money recklessly.

Oh man, Gwen is so nice.

...alien meteor ooze teaches you to play jazz piano? ...and dance?

blonde hair and the black headband and their clothes and his hair and her earrings... it's a Look.

GWEN STACY IS SO NICE! ("That was all for her? I'm so sorry.")

NO.

get. out.

geddoouutt

"Who are you?" "Well, Mary Jane, I reckon I'm the exact feeling of a church spire silhouetted against the storm clouds, as lightning crashes in the background."

okay so eddy, brocky, rock boy. don't pray to God to kill people. Don't... don't do that.

How. Exactly. Do you recognise the face of a guy you barely know, four floors up, while he's tearing an alien ooze suit off his skin.

oh no his hair's still black

Continuing adventures of That Awful Door.

I hope Aunt May knows he's Spider man, because otherwise there is just waaay too much backstory to explain here.

I think she also wants him to keep the ring so she doesn't have to wear it.

“Spiderman... didn't have those teeth last time... right?”

Maybe not? with the watching her through her window? Also considering last time your saw her in person you hit her maybe not do that first part in person, perhaps.

"On Broad-way."

...you also locked the normal one away? Or, no, that was earlier this night. You just were using the evil one, and stowed that away. ok. gotcha.

Harry! Harry, you could do. a good. ...oh no. peter don't come also what happened to his face??

:(((

OH MAN. BERNARD! i don't think this is gonna work. but. thank you. for. saying that. [it worked!:D]

what happened to your face do you still have superpowers if you're not healing.

It's the real spiderman! He stopped in front of an american flag for a sec!

this reporter overuses the word 'seemed'

Brick!

you're stiiilll fallling

Listen MJ most of the webbing is really strong, you can actually move along it and even if you fall through one level you've got a decent chance of catching the next.

this reporter is so alarmist. and that one.

Goblin bomb!

"I'm not here for you~"

Burn it & smash it! :D

That kid is awesome! ("Film's extra.")

or. you could. shoot web. and not. jump. And maybe get her down somehow? Ground level would be... safer... lotta floors, elevators proabably not working...

why did that work?

ohh. noise.

oh... kay...

[tragic backstories make everything better]

i f o r g i v e y o u .. ..

i like to think he becomes also a superhero. subtler. smaller. never quite noticed, but. bit by bit.

why in the world is gwen at harry's funeral

(mj you do in fact have a job. and. a song to finish singing. um. but anyway)

"Girl at the final battle" yes. Her. Excellent.

The credit songs this time are so... gentle...

(Balance of probabilities Harry died intestate but maybe he drew up a will at some point when he liked Peter and didn’t revoke it and then they can go help Marko’s daughter, perhaps? Maybe.)