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martyrgargoyle · 4 years ago

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MASTERPOST TO THE TYLER JOSEPH SITUATION FOR ANYONE CONFUSED!

On September 2nd, 2020, Tyler Joseph tweeted this:

Before this post Tyler has never spoken up about BLM. Many of his fans, especially POC have been asking him to please voice and show support since he has a large influence. Instead, he chose to downplay a movement based on the minority having the courage to face their oppressors that have brutalized and discriminated against them and demand change. Instead of holding this movement as serious and important as it is, he chose to make it a punchline to his insensitive and self centered joke and mocking the people that are risking their lives fighting for a difference.

Tyler Joseph has an estimated net worth of 20 million. That's 20,000,000. He also benefits from being white, cis (and het passing/straight), male, and physically abled. He won't risk being homeless due to being fired (other people signed to the same label has spoken out) or kicked out/evacuated if he spoke out. He won't risk brutalization by the police for speaking out. He would not risk being shot point blank for speaking out. All of these, and more, have happened to people that's fought for BLM. Protesters have been tracked down and arrested and killed. Yet a man with as much privilege as him refused to say anything this entire time.

He is in the position and has power to speak out and influence thousands with his platform and being an idol to a lot of younger teens that take his word as fact and will defend him. This is incredibly dangerous because it starts and gives a pass for racist mindset to younger people, meaning they could think BLM is a joke or not serious or lead to even worse racist thoughts due to them wanting to be like their idol.

Then Tyler proceeded to post this rant on mental health about 40 minutes after being criticized by many fans:

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts on this and dissecting his s*icide baity and victimizing rant.

1. While using humor can be a valid coping mechanism, it has a time and place as well as a subject matter. For me I can say a dark joke on my past abuse. But for someone else, it is not their right to make my trauma their entertainment. Especially if that person is someone that didn't/doesn't face the same trauma and is in a position to benefit from it.

2. Why is supporting BLM such a burden on him? He doesn't face the discriminated they do yet act as if they're a burden if he cannot make their suffering an entertainment. He acts as if saying Black people shouldn't be killed due to their race harms him and he's suffering due to it. Instead of even remaining silent (which is violent and dangerous as well), he went out of his way specifically to mock the movement.

3. He's weaponizing mental health as an excuse for his tone death joke. He's trying to make himself seem the victim for facing backlash and when he first posted these, it was spaced out and had a s*icide baity feel. He shouldn't put POC down to uplift mental health, both are such important issues but instead....

3. He says reminding us what he's 'fighting' for, which apparently is just mental health. But what about POC's mental health, in this case? What about a Black person being depressed and drained and scared because they see their family and friends being killed only due to their race? And on top of that, having to worry if it happens to them as well while constantly grieving? Is that not important or 'worthy' of his support? Or is he admitting he only 'fights' for something that'll cater to and provide for him as well? And that if he can't benefit, he won't care or deem it something worthy to fight for and that he doesn't care? He can't use his mental illness/your shtick as a reason why you will excuse and ignore (and cater to) racism.

But most controversial and insensitive of all he tweeted this with it:

Here he is upfront and clearly defending his joke, despite being told and aware of how insensitive it was. He is admitting he doesn't care about POC feelings or how it impacts them and the way his original tweet has hurt his fanbase. He is defending his mocking of the BLM movement and the people actually fighting while being less privileged than him. He is saying his feelings and his joke means more than POC dying for no reason other than their skin color. He is defending his insensitive tweet knowing it has hurt POC.

He is bluntly being racist and aware of it.

And finally, he tweeted the damage control:

And this is just as repulsive and wrong as his mental health excuse.

1. It was about human rights. There's no way to excuse or lie or downplay it. He literally made a joke about his POC fans begging him to show support and use him platform given his privilege and influence. He can't lie his way through this to excuse himself or try to make people that were understandably upset look like over reacting fools.

2. No room for that? People never said he has to only talk on BLM. If he's waiting for it to stop mattering or trending, it's disgusting. Black lives will ALWAYS matter, it doesn't change based on the hashtag trending or it gaining more attention. He acts as he can't care about two different things or that Black lives doesn't matter as much as a subject that affects you. No one said he can't talk and continue to bring awareness to mental health and for many POC it's more important than ever to have resources and support since they live in a world with a society literally designed to kill and target them. Instead of tweeting one thread or link to donations or awareness to the discrimination Black people face daily; Tyler made a joke, defended it despite it hurting POC, then threw a tantrum for an excuse on why he could never be assed to even pretend to care that much.

3. If it hurted someone? POC were literally telling him from the start it was harmful and damaging. He DID hurt POC but he didn't listen or care until he realized how damaging it is for his career? He isn't sorry he hurt POC, he's sorry he has hurt his career and reputation in exposing his immaturity regarding serious issues. He's ignoring and shifting blame and finally doing even below bare minimum. From the very first tweet to him defending it, he has alerted and told on himself for placing his feelings above Black lives. He deemed a joke on the expense of BLM meaning more than actual Black people's feelings.

Debby Ryan and Josh Dun has both liked his original tweet:

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As well as these tweets he has had a questionable history. Involving:

Racist tweets from 2015 he never apologized for.

Anti-black lyrics such as in Lane Boy:

'I wasn't raised in the hood

But I know a thing or two about pain and darkness'

And while that can be and is a reference to how mental illness impacts even privileged, it just doesn't sit right with me personally.

He also uses hip hop and rap (a genre specifically tied in and dominated by Black artists and labeled as not real music/easy musix), per example of Heavydirtysoul (just entire second half is continuously putting rap artists down) and Holding Onto You, quoting the song 'Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It' by Dem Franchize Boyz to be below him. (Bridge 2, line one)

Tyler has also refused to publicly disagree with his brother's racist, transphobic, homophobic, right-winged views.

Has not spoken about police brutality before, such as ignoring it until a police officer got killed back in 2016.

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Please feel free to reblog and add on/talk about your thoughts! :)

#twenty øne piløts #twenty one pilots #21p #21 piløts #21 pilots #tyler jøseph #fuck tyler joseph #josh dun #long post #my post #txt #tyler joseph

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meanautisticenbian · 4 years ago

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Fuck it, I'm gonna dissect all the bullshit in that one Lilith post bit by bit

TW// Lilith hate, victim blaming, abuse, cult mention, ableism towards Autistic people, sexualization of minors (briefly mentioned)

I'll be putting my text in bold just in case it's hard to distinguish between the pictures and my commentary

Here's the post I'm referring to in case you're curious

Moving on and starting with this bit

People pay attention to Eda all the damn time, she's literally one of the main characters. Funny how you only mention tik tok and nothing else. Is that the only other social media you have? Because fans on different social media platforms act much differently; on IG and Reddit stuff like the sexualization of minors and fucking ODALIA AND ALADOR STANS are normalized, where everywhere else it's pretty much universally agreed that that stuff is bad. I don't know a lot about what toh Tik Tok is like just because I don't usually go on tik tok, but even if it is like this, it's not the same for the rest of the fandom. A lot of the fandom still hates Lilith and blames her for her abuse and not being able to leave

You say that like she's a bad person, she's really not. The curse she placed on Eda wasn't intended to be permanent and probably wasn't even supposed to take the effects that it did. She was most likely scammed. I mean look at how she reacts when Eda transforms for the first time. She also feels guilty enough about it to throw herself into an abusive situation and spend almost her whole life trying to make up for it. Lastly, yes she hurt Luz, but let's not forget that Belos threatened her life upon Eda's capture and Lilith was running out of time and had no other option. Obviously what she did was wrong but she's not the real monster here.

"I do like Lilith" this entire essay says otherwise.

Literally none of us ignore any of the bad shit she's done, stop lying about us.

Yes, Lilith did mock her for her curse, which was messed up, but we don't actually know for sure if the curse is basically canonically a disability in that world, so if that's the case then for now it's technically not ableism until we get confirmation otherwise.

"it was an accident and I forgive Lilith" no you fucking don't. First of all this entire essay is you talking about how evil you think she is and secondly, if it really was as bad as you view it, you wouldn't be that forgiving.

Ah yes the victim blaming, the one thing that almost everyone does to Lilith and barely anyone talks about.

There is literally not a single Lilith stan out there who blames Eda for getting cursed. You're just mad that your victim blaming towards Lilith got called out so you silence us by lying about how we do the same thing to Eda.

No one is making Eda out to be the villain either, the only example I can find of this is a few fanfics where she treats Lilith a lot more harshly than she should, and even then, scenes like that are written in a positive light as if you're supposed to be on Eda's side, so with that in mind, the writers of these fics are clearly not even Lilith stans. In terms of how actual stans treat Eda, the worst they do is make her slightly ignorant of Lilith's trauma, kinda like the fandom, minus the "slightly", until she grows as a character and learns to see the red flags. If that's the problem you're talking about, then breaking news: Eda's not perfect either. She has flaws too just like literally everyone else in the show and people are allowed to write about them

Tell me the truth: are people making playlists for Lilith that include a lot of sad and angry songs because she's not a happy person anyway so there wouldn't be a point in having any happy songs, or are they making "trauma" playlists? There's a difference

I'm sorry, are you trying to tell me that people recognizing Lilith's trauma is victim blaming Eda? That's not how it works sweetycakes

There is far more Eda angst out there than there is for Lilith, where are you finding so much Lilith angst? LILITH is the one who's traumas are being ignored while Eda's gets all the attention. You're acting like one of those white cis gays on twitter who see black people talking about the anti blackness they experience daily and accuse them of being homophobic because "there is so much homophobia in the world and they still manage to make it all about race".

No one is saying that Lilith has worse trauma, we're only saying that her's is also severe and that it definitely exists. Also funny how you're allowed to be mad at us for comparing Lilith and Eda's trauma (once again lying about us), then you go on to do the exact same thing and say that EDA'S trauma is worse. Even if, hypothetically speaking, Eda did have it worse, that doesn't mean Lilith doesn't have the right to be traumatized. Both of them have trauma, both should be recognized. Also, Lilith had far more going on in her life than just the guilt of her actions, she was was implied to have been psychologically and maybe physically abused, and was probably even tortured. Stop ignoring all the red flags and condemn the actual abuser (Belos) before you criticize anything the abused (Lilith) has done.

We're not making everything about Lilith, like shut up.

Please don't say that autistic people "have autism", it implies that it's something that can be removed from us. For example: you don't say "a person with blackness" when referring to black people or "a woman with homosexuality" when referring to Lesbians.

Oh yeah I'm also autistic so here are MY thoughts

Amity and Lilith are not antagonists anymore, hcing them as Autistic is not villainizing autism.

The autistic Lilith headcanon was made by autistic fans, allistics only latched onto it because they either wanted to be supportive or they saw that she actually had a lot of autistic traits

You're not the only autistic person alive, just because you're not like Lilith or Amity doesn't mean none of us are or they're not autistic. I mean, I know I am

You're not fun or funny

"not all Autistic people are like this" remember that line, dear readers

Actually, I prefer the autistic villain trope MUCH more than the grown ass autistic adult that acts like a five year old trope. At least we'd have less stereotypes associated with us.

Autism is not supposed to be portrayed in only fun and happy characters, that is literally the epitome of stereotyping and infantilizing. You literally just said that not all autistic people are the same, doesn't this count as being all the same? Does this mean I don't exist anymore? Am I just not autistic? Are you even aware that a flat affect or monotone voice is literally a very common autistic trait? You can't just say that we're stereotyping autistics and then just go on to stereotype us, like what the fuck are you even on? Is it only ok when you do it?

Amity is not edgy for fuck's sake

Literally no one is headcanoning Lilith or Amity as autistic because they're mean, we headcanon them as autistic because they actually show traits of it

Oh, our harmless headcanons are making you feel uncomfortable because they don't fit into the stereotypes you made up about us? Good to know our plan is working I guess

Last thing I wanna say regarding this post as a whole: why are you acting like liking Lilith and feeling sympathy for her is a bad thing? If you find this then don't say "I don't think that's a bad thing", answer HONESTLY

Well that's all I have for now, thank you for reading, I need to go to bed soon

#im posting this late but i didn't get to be online as much as i wanted #lilith clawthorne #toh #toh lilith #lilith #the owl house #eda clawthorne #edalyn clawthorne #toh eda #toh amity #toh luz

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danny-chase · 3 years ago

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Warnings: violence, blood, realism in comics, me mentioning things stans want to ignore to make a point, you don't have to consider them canon, I'm just making a point don't hurt me

Right. Been seeing dialog about Jason's decision to give up guns that i feel is missing a few points.

1. Bruce is traumatized by guns. Yeah he jumps in the line of fire every night but that doesn't mean he isn't scared of/triggered by them:

[Image ID: Oracle!Babs and Robin!Tim roll/walk through the clocktower. Babs: (about guns) Hates them. But doesn't fear them. Tim: Not the way he jumps in the line of fire night after night. Babs: Line of fire... Babs: I was afraid of them for a long time. I'd go faint at the sight of a gun on TV. Tim: You have reasons, Barbara. So does Batman. Babs: But I. worked through them. Babs: Maybe Bruce hasn't. Maybe he's not the rock we thought he was. Tim: He bought a gun as therapy? Babs: Look at the facts. He bought it just like any other citizen. Like he wanted to experience it as someone else would. Tim: I don't think- Computer: Keyword media search alert. Tim: What's that? End ID]

Birds of Prey (1998) #40

Bruce's opposition of guns is partially based in trauma - it's not completely a moral stance or completely logical rule. Jason giving up guns is for himself, but it allows him to be closer to Bruce and for Bruce to be more relaxed in his presence -> can make their relationship closer.

2. [X] weapon isn't even lethal. Getting cut/hurt + no health care = possible death from infection -> shooting a henchman with regular bullets in the foot can be lethal. Or cutting them with a batarang.

[Image ID: A girl walks home getting off the school bus. Girl: "Mama, I know you don't want to hear this, but --" She opens the door to an empty run down house. Girl: "Mama? Mama are you --?" She opens up the bathroom door, revealing her mother sweating and bleeding out on the ground, trying to press a towel to a wound on her side. Her mom is wearing a henchman outfit for the H.I.V.E. Girl: "Mama!" Mom: "Why -- Why are you home so soon?" The girl holds her mom in a sitting position. Girl: "This isn't the flu. You said you had the flu." Mom: "I -- I will be better soon. I just need to rest." Girl: "You need a hospital, mama." Mom: "No. If they find out -- they'll take you away from me. Send me back to Guatemala." The final panel shows a wisp of Ravens cape, the view zoomed out. Girl: "I know you want to protect me, but you need help now -- no matter what happens later." Raven: "Maybe I can help." End ID]

Titans: Titans Together #4

Similarly could ppl stop acting like rubber bullets are non lethal, everything the batfam uses can be lethal and cause scenes like above. Literally none of them can claim moral high ground they've all thrown batarangs in people's faces (off the top of my head, Jason nailed Dick with one in the face in BoC and Bruce got Jason in the neck in UTRH so there's the two characters at odds).

3. Jason/Bruce has never hurt an undeserving person. Jason isn't a mass murderer and you're slandering him. Bruce is the best dad ever you're an idiot for thinking otherwise.

...did you miss the times he tried to kill Tim? Or sprayed Dick with fear gas? Or shot Damian in the chest (not rubber bullets mind you). All of this happened in Battle of the Cowl. He poisoned 82 prisoners indiscriminately in Batman and Robin (2009) #23, went around killing random "thugs" in Brothers in Blood arc of Nightwing. Is it slander if he did it? Idk. If anyone can answer that lmk but everything is canon now so the point is moot.

And let me also say if everythings canon Bruce has also hurt/hit/abused his family (i don't have the specific issue numbers but runs that I've seen bad dad Bruce in are The New Titans, Batgirl (2000), Nightwing (1996), Tom Kings crap, RHATO rebirth, etc. I don't feel like going into detail but if hard pressed i will) don't try to paint me as a Bruce or Jason apologist/hater please

Also literally see the panel above 💀 the mom is an undocumented immigrant from Guatemala with an engineering degree she can't use because the US gov is literally fucking flaming garbage, so she had to take that job to provide for her daughter. Quit thinking extrajudicial murder/vigilantism is a woke take. No. Stop. Bad. Criminals have rights for a reason.

Can you choose to call the above things Jason and Bruce have done ooc and bad writing. Yep. Go ahead, be my guest. Just it's weird to me that ppl always seem to do it for one character and not the other. Like... that's not productive dialogue? And yeah both Jason and Bruce stans do this i just happened to see a post from a Jason stan so he got to be shamed first. If you think i think my fave is wrong, i literally made a post publically shaming him at one point, and wrote an entire fic dedicated to me pointing out why i think characters would hate him the most 🤷‍♀️ if someone read a comic that shows your fave in a bad light don't call them stupid for not liking that character just point them in the right direction and if you don't want to. Don't. Just block them. I'm tired of watching ppl act like their better than each other because they don't consider things canon (unless you stan a minority character and don't consider their racist/sexist writing canon in which case, same, you're the best ppl in this fandom)💀 or referencing fanon as canon and telling ppl to go read more comics 💀

Anyways the takeaways I've come out with are, this debate between the two is more than just morals, they've both wronged each other, and trying to simplify it down into victim and abuser is just - missing nuance and ignoring their full histories in my opinion and kinda just ends up flattening both characters and making both of them less relatable

#this post was brought to you by: I'm tired of seeing dumb takes on my reccomend dash #*screeches into the void* the whole batfam is problamatic it's literally fine #personally my take is jason giving up guns is ooc he's too dramatic for that shit #time to make the stans go brr #here we go have my unsolicited opinions #batfam #bruce wayne #jason todd #violence #blood #child abuse #negativity

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aflyingcontradiction · 3 years ago

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The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 168 - Roots

Martin: So, are you gonna smite him, then? (...) …Cool, so what’s the problem, then? Take another monster off the hit list; job done. (...) What, what happened to Kill Bill?

Martin, stop acting like a bull in a fucking china shop! Jeez! ALSO YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MADE THE STUPID KILL BILL REFERENCE! (I love Martin but GOD, he acts like a jackass in this season.)

Jon: Look. Martin, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not going to kill a man just because you’re jealous. Martin: Why not? ... yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Okay, so "saying something utterly bonkers and cruel in the heat of the moment, then having regrets a fraction of a second after it has left your mouth" is something I'm really all too familiar with but ... DOES Martin actually know that what he just said is bonkers and cruel? I mean, his subsequent "Please" seems to be a joke, but is it one of those "a joke except not really" things?

It is, alas, the act of sitting down that dislodges the long-foreseen blood clot in her leg, formed when she took that long-distance coach trip.

This was the moment at which my partner noped the fuck out, unfortunately a few moments too late to avoid ruining her entire day...

However slowly, the domains of death will be removing sufferers from a closed system. However many thousands of years may be experienced in time, eventually this world will be left barren and empty.

I really appreciate that even in a world that is literally just Fear and Torment, Death takes on the role as both terror and release, as it is in our world. Death and therefore the end of everything continues to just be ... inevitable and somehow, weirdly, a comfort, even in this post-apocalyptic hellscape.

You cannot ask. You may only take.

Damn, that's a line... To reiterate, for probably the 100th time: Poor Jon, he needs a hug.

Jon: No. I don’t want to destroy Oliver Banks. It wouldn’t do any good. I know that, and he never asked for this any more than I did.

And that's the thing that Martin doesn't get - that many of the avatars aren't fundamentally different from Jon and that Jon isn't some greater, better being just because Martin happens to love him. But I suppose sometimes it's difficult to apply the same standards to people you know and love and to people you don't know or actively hate.

My impression of this episode

This episode was mostly just a bit uncomfortable for me. I mean, detailed descriptions of shit going wrong in bodies aren't a pleasant thing to hear, especially if you have a vivid imagination, but my health anxieties are rarely the "I'm going to die" type (mostly the "my body is doing uncomfortable things that the doctors can't figure out and it will never stop and my quality of life will plummet" sort, which is, I believe, quite easily explained by the fact that various parts in my body do just tend to malfunction randomly in apparently undiagnosable ways for random stretches of time.) But it hit my partner, who does have health anxieties very similar to those of the main victim in this episode, HARD. Like "I regret not looking at the trigger warnings 'cause we probably should've skipped this one" hard. So while I was, of course, aware of different episodes hitting REALLY differently for people based on the trauma, fears and phobias they come to TMA with, this was the only time I actually experienced that first hand and it wasn't uninteresting despite being also a bit shit and a thing that probably should've been avoided, all things considered.

#tma relisten #the magnus archives

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thejustmaiden · 4 years ago

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Fiction and Real Life Go Hand In Hand

This blog goes out to all those pro-Sessrin fans out there who refuse to acknowledge the very real effects fiction can have on our world and vice versa. I highly encourage other Inuyasha fans who defend/enable these shippers to read this, as well. I assure you, by no means are my intentions here to stir up trouble. Honestly, I just want some good healthy discourse for once if that’s not too much to ask. If you do decide to engage, please be mindful of that and treat others with respect and I will do the same in return. All in all, the goal of this blog is to exercise my right to speak out and be critical about content I believe to have very potentially detrimental repercussions. I ask that you not attack me or insult me simply for stating an opinion. Thank you!

It’s like the title says, meaning fiction does matter. Where do you think we get ideas for all the stories we tell? Where do we draw inspiration from in the first place?

Real life, that's where! And yes, always with a touch of imagination! Long story short: fiction matters because real life does.

Allow me to elaborate.

Shippers of the Sesshomaru x Rin (Sessrin) pairing say it's not fair of us to throw around serious accusations or use certain deragatory terms that suggest such awful acts like child grooming or pedophilia because of the harmful implications. One of their reasonings being that some people IRL have actually lived through these traumas, so we shouldn't dare to assume they're comparable since one is just fiction and the other is not. But this isn’t about which is worse than the other, because they’re both super problematic. All we’re literally doing is making a link between grooming in real life and grooming in fiction. They mirror each other. Same issue; different mediums. We’re not undermining any one’s past experiences with grooming or the like, nor are we prioritizing fiction to diminish real life abuse. They’re both awful in numerous ways and that’s all we’re trying to say. In fact, if anything we’re attempting to demonstrate just how crucial this correlation is between them. In order to protect past victims and prevent future ones, we must remain vigiliant of the content we consume, and yes, sometimes that means we have to challenge it too. Just because it’s widely-viewed does not make it widely-accepted or well-received. It is paramount that we educate ourselves on how to be more critical of some of the harmful tropes and images that are still way too prevalent in mainstream media. Sexualizing young and pre-pubescent girls is way more normalized than some of us even realize. It’s sad but true that Sessrin is just one of many examples. I know it feels like society has failed us in a lot of ways, but it’s never too late to re-evaluate and re-learn better and more improved ways of viewing and processing information presented to us.

Our mission: Let’s not show our kids that grooming or any other form of abuse are acceptable if they may ever come to experience or encounter it themselves. Be it the real world or on screen. Deal?

There have been a number of occasions where real life victims do speak up against the Sessrin ship and express how extremely uncomfortable it makes them feel by what it represents. The problem is that it’s becoming more evident now that many of their fans will dismiss anything purely on the basis that we pose a threat to their ship and nothing more. What it comes down to is they have no real leg to stand on and cannot possibly top any of what we have to say so instead they simply disregard it. Our inconvenient truths don't fit into their ideal *cough* OOC *cough* narrative so they just choose to be willfully ignorant. It conflicts with their fantasy, so rather than present a sound argument of their own, they flat-out reject it and offer no plausible back-up behind their reasoning besides "I don't interpret it that way." GUYS, CHILD GROOMING IS NOT UP FOR INTERPRETATION.

Just because you so desperately want your ship to come true does not mean you can up and decide to redefine a word so that it caters to your stance. Remind yourself that these are complex AND objective terms that we have no right to fiddle with to serve our own selfish purposes. This is why we can conclude that there's no debate about Sesshomaru's actions towards Rin embodying child grooming.

I apologize if any of my words are triggering by the way, so please feel free to take a break and return later if that’s more suitable for you. it's just really important that everyone in this fandom comprehends the extent in which Sessrin going canon is catastrophic. And no, I'm not exaggerating; I'm simply speaking the truth. Shippers justifying these horrible acts- yes, even in fiction- is usually due to the stubborn refusal to hear us out. No offense to anyone (just stating facts), but more times than not antis like myself feel as if we’re talking to a brick wall when we interact with Sessrin peeps. They go in circles and never expand on their perspectives.

Just a head’s up: THIS GETS LONG. Stick with me. :p

Just look at their take on the Inukag vs. Sessrin relationships for example. This isn't a question of age gaps, this is a question of physical/emotional compatibility. Inukag are the same age mentally wise regardless of one being demon and the other not, whereas Sessrin is not and never will be, and yes, even once she's an adult. The thing is we have debunked this time and time again, because they’re not the same and therefore not comparable, but for some reason these fans won’t drop it. Nothing has changed in their argument, yet they’re persistent in bringing it up. I choose to not go into more detail, since like I said, you can find it around everywhere. I just wanted to touch upon it briefly to prove a point. Maybe it will come up again later in my blog though!

Where was I earlier? Right, child grooming! Haven't you guys realized that what you’re doing is precisely what child groomers do to make excuses or deny any grooming took place at all? (FYI: I’m not accusing you of being child groomers yourselves.) “They reciprocated so the feelings are mutual" is a typical groomer response, but of course it varies. More often than not, victims of grooming aren't even aware they've been groomed until much later. That's how manipulative groomers are that they can legitmately convince you that maybe you're wrong in questioning their motives. Perhaps in the victim’s mind that because one huge indicator of grooming never actually took place it technically cannot constitute as grooming. They start to doubt themselves even though their intuition is telling them something’s off. They should just ignore it then since it can’t possibly be grooming if that one particular thing never happened, right? Wrong, grooming isn’t strictly this or strictly that. It's much more complicated and multi-faceted. This is why the “but Sesshomaru left Rin in the village” point upsets me greatly. HE WAS STILL INVOLVED IN HER LIFE, Y’ALL.

On top of that, are you aware that this is the exact same kind of predatory mindset pedophiles use to describe their infatuation with children? They'll say things like, "I don't see them as an adult and a child. I see them as two people with a soul connection." Okay no joke, I wish I was lying, but that is literally a point one pro-sessrin fan on here recently used to defend this ship. It both astounds me and terrifies me that they don't see the glaring similarities they share in common with actual pedos.

Alright, I want to quickly return to what I was saying earlier about fiction's impact on real life. (Sorry, I’m a bit of a scatterbrain!)

The characters and their worlds in our stories that we dream up and bring to life are nothing short of awe-inspiring and magnificent if we so choose them to be. If it wasn't for our imaginations, stories like Inuyasha would have never come to exist. Fiction provides us an amazing outlet where we are given the opportunity to express ourselves and explore its infinite creative possibilities.

But strip away all the demons and magical components of this show we all love so dearly and what are we left with?

At the very core, Inuyasha is a story that's very reminiscent of the human experience: love, camaraderie, a sense of purpose, and much more!

So perhaps we got a full-fledged dog demon like Sesshomaru, but does that necessarily mean we can't relate to him or understand him simply because dog demons don't exist in the real world? Well, I hope that's not how you view it or else you're missing the whole point of why humans create stories to begin with. We create them to make better sense of and thus connect with the world we live in. And when you really think about it, our stories are just a celebration of life- both our struggles and our triumphs. Now I'm no philosophy professor, but I'm pretty sure they'd say I hit that nail right smack on the head. ;)

All shitty jokes aside, the whole reason I’m mentioning this specific example in the first place is because this recently came up with another Sessrin supporter. That supporter tried to defend the ship by stating that we aren't allowed to use Sesshomaru as an example to judge by since his kind don't exist in the real world.

Now if it isn't evident already, this "it's just fiction" argument is a popular go-to stance many Sessrin fans will resort to once they've run out of ideas and are metaphorically backed into a corner. The funny/sad thing is that they seem to sincerely believe this is strong enough evidence to defend their ship with, but per usual, they fail to see how hypocritical that would be. I’ll clarify soon down below.

Seriously, since when did we decide that fantasy- or any story genre for that matter- stopped reflecting the real world we live in? I mean, we humans are the ones writing these stories. Our human influence is bound to make an impact in some capacity. In fact, we want it to!

Obviously none of us have ever met a dog demon like Sesshomaru, because how could we? Let me tell ya, this is gaslighting at its finest! This is a fictional story with fantasy elements, so of course there will be beings and creatures in their world that don't exist in our own. Does that somehow translate to the fact that nothing from the story of Inuyasha can be applied to our own personal stories or that there aren't meaningful messages to be taught and learned?

So on the flipside, if they're not screaming at us "it's just fiction" for the hundred billionth time, then they are, believe it or not, doing the reverse and comparing it to real world history. One instance of this is how they tell us we're making a big deal about something that isn't real, but go right ahead and use the history of feudal Japan to support Sesshomaru's decision to court (aka GROOM) a young girl because that's how it was done back then. And so, your point being?? It wasn't right then just because it was legal, and it's most certainly not right now. This is how all of their arguments go by the way, where you'll constantly witness a cherry-picking approach. It's agonizing to endure contradiction after contradiction in their arguments filled with nothing but holes in their logic.

I'd just like to add that if we're overreacting to this fictional ship like they love to say we are then technically so are they. They tell us things like "grow up" or "nobody is telling you to keep watching," yet fail to realize they're reacting just as fervently as we are but just on the opposing side of the same damn argument. I find it interesting how they're as invested in this show but pretend they aren't then STILL have the audacity to say it's only us who care this much!? So thank you Sessrin shippers for further proving our point that fiction is more than capable of affecting reality and the people- YES, US- who reside in it.

It's insane that people act like pedophiles and other creeps don't enjoy entertainment too like the rest of us. Believe it or not, they look just like you and me most of the time. Yes, that means they can easily pass as a “regular guy” if they so wished to. My question to you is how do you think pedophiles will take it when they discover others- underage fans more specifically- who dig the same kinda media they get off to? Maybe not in the exact same way, mind you, but there's a thin line between them when you really think about it. I mean, what other explanation is there for why literal pedos on the internet have been known to sneak into pro-sessrin group chats here on Tumblr before? (Thankfully, they were later kicked.) I know that for a fact! It's almost as if the universe is trying to tell them something they refuse to listen to elsewhere. Hhmmm I wonder what that may be.

I imagine it’s possibly one of the hardest things to admit out loud and to themselves, but I can almost guarantee you that most of these Sessrin shippers who are victims of CSA and who still see no issue with Sessrin must be living with some sort of unresolved trauma caused by the very abuse they claimed to have undergone. It's been proven that victims who do not seek or properly receive the help and treatment they need in order to address and live with a traumatic experience such as this are more likely to perpetuate that very same abuse themselves in some way, shape or form. What if in this case fiction is enough for them, but who's to say it won’t eventually manifest itself in other more dire and far-reaching ways? It's not like we haven't seen this vicious cycle before, and I can promise you that Sessrin won't be the last. LET'S STOP NORMALIZING & GLORIFYING THE ROMANTIZATION & SEXUALIZATION OF CHILDREN. Fictional example: Usagi Drop. Need I say more? Real world example: Woody Allen. Again, need I say more?

Bottom line is that Sessrin shippers don't want us to think too critically about this ship of theirs, because if we dig too deep then they're forced to face the very troubling implications this pairing really stands for. Of course they'll never admit to them, because instead they rather double down and grasp at the same old straws as long as it means their precious ship is protected at all costs. Screw everyone else if that's what it takes, because they'll threaten to burn down legit buildings in real life if that ensures Sessrin goes canon! (True story, this happened on Twitter.) They’ll taunt and bully anyone who disagrees. Even if all you literally say is that you don’t like the ship, they’ll gang up on you. Tell them about your past experience with being groomed? They’ll laugh in your face. I wish I was kidding, but I assure you I am not. And they say we're ridiculous and taking this way too seriously? Yeah...

The typical behavior of a Sessrin shipper demonstrates an overly aggressive front since they're usually on defense mode anyway. They only want to ship their sick ship in peace in other words. But just because neo-nazis have a right to spew their bigoted ideology, doesn't mean we don't got the right to punch them! Freedom of speech doesn't equate to freedom from consequences. And Sessrin shippers wonder why they got so many haters. Just sayin'.

Their presence on other platforms like Twitter and Reddit are some examples of how delusional and unstable some Sessrin fans are capable of becoming. Even recently, an anon here on Tumblr sent Richard Ian Cox (English VA for Inuyasha) a totally uncalled for ask telling him that "sessrin is love and there's nothing he can do about it." (That's not verbatim, but if you're interested I'll link you to it.) It appears they discovered that he didn't like Sessrin based on how he had been replying to asks, and just for that reason alone they thought they had the right to harass him. For simply stating his opinion, y'all. They didn't even have the decency to show their face either. Talk about immature and cowardly!

Just yesterday (or was it the day before?) a fanatic Sessrin user on Tumblr- who’s also been known for hateful remarks on Twitter but those tweets have of course been deleted since then- went out of their way to not only lurk in a group chat they don’t belong to on here but to then proceed to harass a few of us in there. They had the guts to take screenshots from that group chat, tag us in posts on their page regarding what they read in there, and without our knowledge or permission went ahead and actually blogged them?? I mean, who calls out people behind their backs while they're just minding their own business?? It worries me how unhinged and out of touch with reality some Sessriners are. Not all of them, but a whole lot of them.

It seems all they are doing is looking for trouble, as they just can't stand how much we hate this ship. So it's more than okay if they love on their ship but it's not okay if we don't and we should just keep our mouths shut. But since when do Sessrin fans have authority over our opinions? Even if they were officially canon, nothing is ever gonna change our opinion. Now when they actually do decide to participate in discourse with antis, you'll see them fishing for excuses to bow out. How they normally go about this is by fabricating a way to blame us antis for their exiting a conversation as if we're being the irrational ones here.

There’s no denying that some antis can also be overly blunt or aggressive (nobody is saying we’re perfect here), but speaking for myself, I know I would never make such nasty comments about other fans and their personal lives. And honestly? It would make me feel like shit talking bad about someone I don't actually know. Nah, I won't stoop to that level or give haters that satisfaction. I may not attack them as people, but that doesn't mean I can't attack some of their messed up ideas that threaten to distort how we should or shouldn’t perceive certain dangerous situations and events. Seeing as how for me this is more than just a matter of opinion- it's a moral responsibility and even an obligation.

I know it's difficult to remain civil when things get heated and people start taking things personally- yet more proof that fiction impacts our lives- but that's the only way any of us will ever have constructive discussions about serious topics like this. Unfortunately, Sessrin shippers, from what I can tell, are incapable of engaging in real discourse for the most part. They may be vocal but that doesn't mean they can pack a punch. I’d really love to be proven wrong someday.

Okay, moving on! If they're not involved in some big-time gaslighting then they're using their infamous strawman argument approach.

Sessrin fans’ sole purpose isn't really to defend their ship, per se, but rather to deflect and antagonize. They like to mislead in order to shift the focus/blame onto their opponent or something else that's not related so that they can stray from the main point.

Take the drama CD for example. It's officially NOT considered canon, right? But that hasn't stopped many fans from referencing it anyway so let’s too consider it for a moment. The point is that they use its "existence" whenever convenient then deny it or downplay it whenever it’s not. So on one hand, it's plain as day that they celebrate it as proof of a romantic future for Sessrin. But then later once we point out to them that Sesshomaru is essentially confessing to Rin that he will wait for her until she's of age, they'll brush it off and quickly add that they didn't interpret the scene that way and leave it at that. I mean how else would you interpret it? And if it's not a proposal of sorts then why exactly are you bouncing off the walls about it to begin with?? If that's all it means is nothing then why are we even talking about this?! You see what I mean here??! And somehow we're the crazy ones?

Let me to be frank with you. If you haven’t listened to it already, this proposal he offered her sounded like a declaration of love in a multitude of ways, which is wildly inappropriate since Rin was only 12 at the time. Signifying that Sesshomaru was/is indeed grooming her. Well, that is if you choose to recognize the drama CD. Nevertheless, whether you do or not, I personally hate that this non-canon satire is even associated with the Inuyasha name to begin with. Ugh.

Intentional or not, Sesshomaru made a deliberate decision in that moment to tell a little girl- and not just any little girl mind you but a girl he's taken in under his care for a good year- that he would wait for her if she so chooses once she's old enough.

The issue is that it isn’t only age of consent we’re concerned about regarding this pairing. What Sessriners fail to see is that this grown male authority- her vassal, her guardian, her adoptive father, or whatever you wanna refer to him as- is basically making a move on this girl he had in his company for quite some time. There's no sugarcoating that. Us antis call it how it is, and I'm sure as fucking day other people who don't watch the show would most certainly agree that the Sesshomaru/Rin bond is filial. Set aside those rose-tinted glasses of yours, and going by everything we’ve been delivered in the manga and parts of the anime (and NOT the drama cd), there are literally no hints that indicate a blossoming romance between this adult male demon and this small human girl he’s taken under his wing. You can imagine them all you want if it pleases you, but that doesn’t mean they’re there. Adult!Rin is a figment of your imagination, nothing more. The idolization of this pairing is pretty disturbing seeing as all we have to go off of in canon is Child!Rin. There have only ever been sweet and innocent moments passed between the two, which is why I’m positive that an unbiased viewer or an outsider would state their dynamic resembled something akin to a father-daugther relationship. I would bet a shit ton of money on that, believe you me!

Rin's inhibitions are low because children are naturally naive and don't know any better. Remember, she adores and trust this man with all her heart, so why would she think any of this so-called grooming is not normal behavior. (I only say “so-called grooming” because I don’t think Sesshomaru bringing her gifts in the village has to be a romantic thing.) Or how would she ever be able to understand that she’s being taken advantage of if she has no previous experience with it? Maybe if she was present for that time Inuyasha and the gang scolded Miroku when they had learned that years previous he had supposedly proposed to this young girl in the village they were visiting, then Rin would. And he didn’t even assist in helping raise her but look at how they reacted! How is this any different than Sesshomaru hooking up with Rin later? It’s actually worse in Sessrin's case. Do you honestly believe that Inuyasha and the others would take kindly to this?

It's not uncommon and considered harmless for young children to have crushes on adults, after all, but the adults in these scenarios should never resort to using and abusing the position of power they held or continue to hold over this child for any reason whatsoever.

What I'm trying to get across here is that no matter how you spin it, Sessrin can NEVER be deemed a morally acceptable pairing. Like ship what you want, we're not saying you can't ship Sessrin. What we're saying is this:

STOP referring to their bond as "pure" and not expect backlash for your grossly inaccurate statements. Just admit it's toxic, because it's extremely harmful to many viewers- and not just victims- to pretend and suggest otherwise.

Please remind yourself of the very real canon fact that Rin traveled with Sesshomaru and they established a bond all while she was just a girl. Oh, and he saved her life too many times to count, not to mention brought her back from the dead TWICE. This is why I don't care much for your counter argument "that dynamics can change over time," because although that's true, like with everything in life there must be standards we adhere to. Exceptions to rules, if you will. Our own basic morals demand it.

For instance, it’s normal that some childhood friends begin to like each other as more than friends years down the road. Nothing wrong with that, because that's a natural and healthy occurrence. Now you cannot apply this to an adult and a child for obvious reasons, but what you also cannot do is apply this to an adult who met and knew another adult while they were still just a child. Why? Well, because it'd be like betraying and perverting that former child's view of you. They were never your equal because your established dynamic resembles that of one an adult posesses with a child even once they've grown up. Think about it this way: it's in the same bracket of family members or family friends who've watched you grow up and mature into an adult. Then later just because they're all grown up, does that mean that those children "are not off bounds" - that's quoting a Sessrin shipper by the way- to these certain family members and family friends?

If you're still struggling to grasp this, I urge you to take a moment (or all the time you need!) to really put yourself in that child's shoes and self-reflect. Would you truly be alright with a family friend you haven't seen in years (but sorely missed because they used to occasionally babysit you) just someday coming back into your life and then very inappropriately flirting with you or even making sexual advances on you? (Sorry for the run-on!) Or even worse, can you picture this happening to one of your own children??! Seriously, ask yourself that and sit with that for a while and really take it all in. It’s not fun, I know, but if that’s what it takes to help you finally understand then please try and practice more ways to utilize your self-awareness in the future. It’s for everyone’s benefit, not only yours, I promise! You'll also find it makes it tremendously easier to empathize with others.

I got news for those fans who don’t view Sesshomaru as a father figure to Rin. The title we give him doesn’t hold as much weight as a lot of us are making it out to be. Let’s try to be neutral here and stick to the hard facts, shall we?

*Sesshomaru is an adult male authority whose protection Rin is under*

*It’s safe to assume that Rin has grown attached to him and maybe even looks up to him*

*They care about each other and the other's well-being*

*He has has played a crucial part in her supervision and care for a significant period of time (yes, even if it’s just passing a message along to Jaken)*

Not so random anecdote: In an Inuyasha episode I recently revisited, Sesshomaru had just rescued Rin from Kohaku who had been possessed by Naraku and was ordered to kill Rin. Anyway, at the end of their scene you can hear Jaken ask out loud, “what should we do for dinner, Lord Sesshomaru?” And that’s about the most domestic thing I’ve ever heard come out of his mouth. They’re such a family dammit and nothing will ever change that!! <3

This is precisely why I could never in a million years view those past students of mine in a romantic light. I don't care how many years have passed, it's just not possible for me. Just the idea of pursuing a romantic and/or sexual relationship absolutely repels me.

Speaking as a former teacher, you don't need to be a parental figure who's around all the time in order to have great love and affection for a child. I would've done absolutely anything in my power to protect them even though they weren't my own. Then again, I did consider them my children in a way even if wasn't in a familial sense. Does that make my love for them any less unique? No, it's just different but not inferior. When you stop to think about, it really doesn't take as long as you may think to establish rapport with a person, particularly children. Connecting with a child is almost instant (but of course some are more receptive than others), and once you do make that special connection one can only make with a child, a strong and overwhelming need to guide and protect them kicks in almost automatically. The unconditional love an adult feels for a child is powerful and constant, and nothing should ever change that. As much as some of you really want to believe otherwise, that feeling doesn’t just go away because they turned 18. In your eyes, they’ll always be that kid.

I get it, sometimes when we escape into these fictional worlds of ours, it's difficult not to project our own wishes and desires onto certain characters. I don't blame fans for picturing themselves with Sesshomaru- I know I did haha- but never once did I self-insert myself as Rin. I know she's one of the biggest catalysts for his character growth- if not THE biggest- but how and why does that need to turn romantic? There are other antis who I have spoken with on this. They informed me that they used to live vicariously through Rin and ship them together, as well. As they got older, they later learned how weird and twisted this ship actually was. That's what's supposed to happen, y'all, you're supposed to grow out of that fixation.

Now take your mind out of the Inuyasha universe for a second and hypothetically (or not hypothetically if you have kids) answer me this: if and/or when you ever have a child, would you genuinely be comfortable with the idea of them dating and eventually marrying their father’s best friend who was also there to witness them grow up? Be honest please.

I highly doubt you would want that- or at least I hope not. You see, that's another MAJOR point I've made a few times already and yet you Sessrin shippers continue to avoid the question. It's pretty obvious it hasn't been rhetorical either. Ignorance is bliss?

Finally, I’d like to address one more point. It seems there is a HUGE misconception and I'd like to clear it up real quick. That is Sessrin shippers misinterpret one of the issues we have with this ship. They chalk up our complaints of Sessrin being canon (which is a LIE, nothing has been confirmed yet) to us just being salty because that somehow means our ships aren't or won’t be. I assure you, readers, other antis and I will attest that this ain't about dumb shipping wars, this is so much bigger than that!!!

I noticed recently that some Sessrin fans have even begun calling us Karens lolol like if anybody is a Karen it's them! This ain't about some mere difference in taste, this is very likely to have LONG-LASTING NEGATIVE EFFECTS. Sessrin going canon is a very harmful message to send viewers and children/teens especially. So if anything, it’s these shippers who are being the entitled ones here thinking that the fact we don’t support their ship is the worst thing in the world. NO, THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHILD GROOMING. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Out of nowhere, some of them even started assuming all us antis were white, which in their books is also equivalent to Karens or even white supremacists somehow?? Those aren't one in the same, but it's easy to make it appear that way when the US is currently tackling major systems of oppression and racial injustice. Because to them, all antis must be from over here. (Yes, I'm American. But no, I'm not white.) How else can anyone explain not shipping Sessrin, right?! Somehow they have it in their heads that ALL of Japan and surrounding places are super approving of this ship, and that everyone else isn’t because of their upbringing and “Western way of thinking.”

To give you an idea of what I mean, look back at what I talked about earlier with their incessant mention of Sessrin vs. Inukag. Because THIS is another popular example of how these shippers present their side and then ignore all the facts. Many fans have already proven how fucked up and inaccurate it is to label whole countries and cultures. It’s like they simply think mentioning it makes it count even though we’ve discredited their points over and over. Nah, you got to back it up with good reasons that support your side of the argument. That’s How To Have An Argument: 101. So at the end of the day, all they're actually achieving in doing is making dumb and entirely unrelated accusations based on nothing just to lead to deductions that are equally unfounded. Nothing at all is accomplished but more gaslighting and hurling of insults on their part = a complete waste of time for antis = an excuse for them to peace out early from the conversation & that’s what they wanted all along

We’ve reached the end (finally! sorry for all the rambling!), and I hope those of you who stayed till the end or read enough can take something positive out of this. As many Inuyasha fans are aware, there will be a livestream with the VAs for Sesshomaru and Rin coming out within the next few hours. We don’t have all the details yet, and afterwards we probably still won’t. I’m not just talking about Sessrin here but about the sequel in general. Whatever happens, please just remember to be kind to one another. If you don’t think you’re capable of doing that, then it’s best you vent and fume elsewhere. Easier said than done, I know, but just try. Throughout this blog, I admit there were moments where I got frustrated and took some jabs at Sessrin shippers. Please believe me when I say that I do not and would not ever wish any of you ill will.

Inuyasha was such a huge part of my childhood, and I’m not gonna lie, I’m anxious as hell that Sunrise will ruin one of the best things I loved about this show. So pardon me if my reactions are too visceral for your liking. haha Also, like the movies and the drama cd, this sequel is not in fact canon. Therefore, for those of you who disagree or who still plan to enjoy this new series, respect the fact that some of us fans will definitely “cancel” it if we feel that’s what we have to do to come to terms with it and move on. Fans have that right, after all. Why should we get on board with something if it’s so uncharacteristic of and unrecognizable from the original source material? If all this is some sort of cash grab of Sunrise’s doing, then count me out. I truly hope that this sequel turn outs being a lot more promising than a lot of us are expecting. I’m begging you, Sunrise, I wanna believe you’re better than this. Please and thank you!

By the way, if you’re interested, feel free to check out my two other blogs on this same subject. Click here and here. The last two screenshots do not come from something I’ve written myself. If you’d like to read more from where those came from, let me know and I’d be more than happy to send you the links. Okay, bye for now. Peace out and stay safe, everyone!

#inuyasha #hanyo no yashahime #anti sessrin #sesshomaru #rin

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blue-shaded · 4 years ago

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I was going to go on a long rant about the way you're addressing the situation, but I honestly don't think youd care because I honestly don't think protecting your fellow gay men is your real motive at all. So instead, I'm just going to address the one thing that set me off to begin with because I think its important and I'm hoping you'll listen and not do it again.

Do whatever you want when it comes to making arguments and truly defending your point, if you truly have any legs to stand on then you should be able to easily make real arguments and people should listen to them. But please, I am begging you to stop using terms like "gaslighting" so losely. As a victim of abuse who has experienced real gaslighting, that was honestly extremely upsetting and borderline ( if not straight up ) triggering for me ( I say borderline because im still in the recovery process and its honestly still hard for me to tell when I'm actually triggered or not because I have a tendency to just ignore and bury my own trauma reactions ). That person was not gaslighting anyone and you can disagree with them and point out why they're wrong without throwing words like that around. Same with calling everyone who disagrees with you a homophobe or homophobe apologist. Youre acting like anyone who doesn't agree must have something wrong with them or they must be this horrible person but really I think you just don't wanna bother with backing up your arguments and throwing nasty labels at them that don't really apply is an easy scapegoat. I'm not saying youre wrong, all this is new info to me and I don't feel like I have enough information to make a judgment of my own yet, but its honestly hard to come to any conclusion and feel like I have a balanced amount of info when most of your arguments just seem to be "community toxic everyones a homophobe" with nothing to back that up. I'm honestly leaning more towards "this is nothing" because I can't find any solid arguments from your end.

I’m honestly not even gonna answer to someone who’s saying “not protecting my fellow gay men is my real motive” Because I don’t feel like answering to someone who’s misgendering me (: I don’t have fellow gay ‘men’ I have fellow lgbtq+ community members. Also you ain’t the only victim of gaslighting.

#Anonymous

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Grace & Janis

Grace: is that you or has one of the others beat me to your room? Janis: what the hell where you gonna do in my room Grace: just have more getting ready space Janis: yeah, basement lighting is 🔥 Grace: & I don't want them looking better than me duh Grace: whatever are you okay?? Janis: sure Janis: well they won't be if they try and come in here Janis: why wouldn't I be Grace: obvs 🙄 Grace: not gonna send them in now Grace: is your boyfriend?? did his dad freak out? Janis: I'm not telling you so you can tell everyone Grace: um excuse you Grace: I wouldn't Grace: I'm asking cos you said his dad was like Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: Well he's fine Janis: but he's staying so can you all try not to be so loud Grace: 👌👌👌👌 Janis: how many of them are coming back here Grace: I'll make them go to Mia's Janis: alright Janis: tah Grace: ew don't thank me Grace: are you coming to the party tonight babes? Janis: don't be a dick Janis: yeah Janis: who's is it again Grace: RUDE Grace: Leah's?? is that her name? Grace: 🤔🤔 Grace: oh Asia says her name's Lara Grace: whatever Janis: 😏 Janis: yeah, whatever Janis: are you making dad take you or what Grace: ugh don't remind me so cringe Grace: I think we're gonna order a lift so I don't die of embarrassment Janis: you're way too pissed the feel shame Grace: I AM NOT Grace: but maybe I will ask him cos Mia isn't here Grace: none of the other girls will be THAT RUDE Janis: may as well Janis: he's a pushover Grace: are you coming with? Janis: nah Janis: wouldn't be room anyway would there Grace: not like safely but they've fitted way more of us in than that when we were little OMG Grace: how are you gonna get there? Janis: well we ain't and you ain't sitting on his lap Janis: walk, easiest Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: you could Grace: OMG no it's like REALLY far Janis: Not really Janis: we'll be fine Grace: you just wanna walk so you can be alone 💕 Grace: sooo cute Janis: it's more about avoiding yous but go off Grace: well that's mean Grace: so glad you don't mean it & are 😍😍 Janis: 😏🖕 whatever you say Grace: OMG don't be horrible to me Janis: Why Janis: that's what I do, yeah Grace: cos Mia's being 😈😈😈 Grace: & I can't even Janis: Quelle suprise Janis: what's new??? Grace: ugh I know okay Grace: she came over today to get her tattoo touched up like that's a sorry NO BITCH Grace: so then all the other girls HAD TO 🙄🙄🙄 obvs Grace: but like?? I didn't want to so Grace: Like excuse you it hurts every time & you're being THE WORST Janis: she wants you to suffer Janis: again, shocker Grace: this date needs to happen even though EWW Grace: thank god he's not gonna be at this party Janis: not slumming it Grace: IKR 🙄🙄 Grace: like this girl doesn't live in a really nice house Grace: & is really pretty Grace: UGH Janis: what a bitch Janis: 🙄 Grace: you're still coming on the date, yeah? Grace: even though barista boy is ex barista now Janis: Weren't in it for the iced coffees Janis: yeah, said I would Grace: what even happened? Grace: you weren't but he was better than that other boy the CG has Janis: 💔 Janis: glad to know news doesn't travel that fast Grace: OMG are you really not gonna tell me??! Janis: so you can be the first to know Janis: oddly enough, no, I ain't Grace: UGH Grace: I hate you Grace: fine 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: exactly Janis: so why would i tell you literally anything Grace: Whatever Grace: I'm over it Janis: 👍 for you babes Grace: hopefully won't see you later, babes Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: so convincing Janis: well done Grace: thanks Grace: I'd have given it my full attention but getting ready already has it sadly Janis: you need it Janis: I understand Janis: oh wait, no I don't Janis: right Grace: mhmm Janis: 😂 Grace: 🙄 Grace: stop talking to me Janis: why Janis: can't multitask Grace: I just told you no Grace: ugh Janis: 😂 Janis: it's all the hairspray Grace: why do you have to be such a bitch? Grace: your boyfriend is literally there, annoy him Janis: funny Janis: and don't worry 'bout him, I can multitask Grace: 👍 for you babes Grace: sure he loves that about you Janis: amongst other things Janis: no doubt Grace: EW Grace: you don't wanna tell me anything but you HAD to say that Janis: alright now it's not you being OTT you don't wanna know Janis: this is how it is, bitch, stop Grace: I don't wanna hear all your humble brags Grace: excuse me Janis: I ain't tryna be humble so don't worry Grace: obvs Grace: so hush Grace: I'm over giving you this much credit Janis: don't need you to Janis: he's right here, like you said 😘 Grace: I haven't been defending you to him, duh Grace: just everyone else Janis: again, no need Janis: literally do not and have never cared what your mates reckon Grace: again, obvs Janis: not like any of them were there Janis: weirdly Grace: I know Grace: like you said, nobody's talking about that Grace: neither was I Janis: just how much you all hate me as standard Janis: cool Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: yeah that's why I said I have to defend you 24 7 Grace: sure Grace: go away I'm too busy for your bitchery rn okay Janis: sounds like a you problem not a me Janis: full-time occupation with your own no doubt babes Grace: shut up Grace: sooo annoying Janis: not the one adding extra letters for emphasis here Grace: if you ever listened I wouldn't need to Janis: to what? Janis: you never saying anything Grace: I literally said, leave me alone Grace: ugh Grace: it's not like you wanna talk to me so just don't Janis: and I said no Janis: keep up Grace: um HELLO!? I can't Grace: I have a million other things to do Janis: like what Grace: oh sure I'm gonna waste my time telling you them all Grace: I don't need to give you more things to make fun of me about thanks Janis: something we can agree on Grace: hilarious hun Janis: bit tragic Janis: if we're being honest, hun Grace: well since when are we? Janis: I don't lie Janis: just you Grace: sure Jan Janis: I'd say try me but you'd have to be real for at least as long as it takes to ask a question and you're incapable Grace: why would I want to? Grace: so get over it Janis: why would you wanna be real Janis: no idea Janis: probably 'cos you're shite at this whole act Grace: why would I want to with YOU Grace: I don't so I'm not Janis: Acting like you ain't begged now Janis: 👌 Grace: UM excuse you Grace: I have not Grace: don't flatter yourself babes Grace: 👌 Janis: 😂 Janis: you know your lies don't work here, like Janis: if anywhere Grace: Literally could care less what you think works for me Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: Oh babes Janis: if you cared anymore you'd implode Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: you wish, honey Janis: nah Janis: not that bitch Janis: not that bothered Grace: then stop trying to keep a convo going Grace: get a life Janis: 💔 Janis: middle school insults still alive and well Janis: that's cute Grace: Like I've said numerous times, you're not getting my best Janis: Like we all know, this is it Janis: but go off saving it for that someone special Janis: love that for you Grace: oh please Janis: begging ain't gonna help, I told you Grace: if you think that's begging you need the help Janis: if you think you don't reek of desperation, the reality check is long overdue Grace: what I think is none of your business so Janis: you think? Janis: babes! so proud 💕 Grace: literally kill me Janis: would but you know Janis: funerals are expensive Janis: give us another year I reckon Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: saving cos your got your man fired, love that Grace: v romantic Janis: bitch i ain't paying for you Janis: put you out with the bin if it was down to me Grace: so glad nothing's up to you Janis: so glad you're not my burden Grace: likewise bitch Grace: 💕💕💕 Janis: oh I'm not today? Janis: how nice for you Grace: I meant I'm glad I'm not yours Grace: you're always mine Janis: 😂 Janis: so predictable Janis: any chance to be a whiny lil bitch Grace: so predictable Grace: any chance to be a HUGE bitch for no reason Grace: 🙄 Janis: no reason Janis: i know you looking at it right now in the mirror Grace: I know I've literally done NOTHING to you Grace: except ask how you are, HOW DARE I, like Grace: but sure Janis: Sure Janis: just existing is enough, you know that's how it is so don't play the victim when you set the rules Grace: whatever Grace: I can't do this with you all night if I'm setting rules Grace: fun as it is 💋 Janis: You ain't Grace: typo or?? Grace: cos you literally just said I did babe Janis: you ain't doing it all night Janis: literally no stamina Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: 🤡 Grace: 💔 Janis: thank god Grace: if you wanna break hearts do your bfs Grace: way easier & more fun Janis: what would you know about that Janis: come on now Grace: obvs nothing Grace: go with that Grace: then I don't have to talk to you Janis: you admitted it Janis: or have you blocked out your changing room trauma Janis: probably owe that poor girl therapy Grace: I said I haven't had a boyfriend, it doesn't mean I haven't ever hurt a lad Grace: like I said, it's easy Grace: you don't even have to mean to Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: ooh Janis: bad bitch coming thru Janis: where's your mug with the affirmation on so we really buy it Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: & you wonder why I'm never honest with you Janis: Who's wondering Janis: pointing out fact ain't asking you to Grace: just go away Janis: no Grace: if you're really this bored you need a new boyfriend Janis: if you're really this incapable of ignoring me you need to assess your life Grace: obvs Grace: I'll add to my to-do list Janis: what is actually wrong with you grace Janis: serious Janis: work it out, keep us posted Grace: I've already told you, why should I go into it with you? Grace: you don't care Grace: I don't need to give you the ammunition Janis: nice to put a name to a problem Janis: lay it to rest Janis: don't be selfish Grace: I'm not your problem Grace: make up your own if you're that fussed Janis: sadly untrue Janis: i got theories Janis: not a professional, 'less you're paying but let's help it ain't that dire Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: Dad said he'd take us so you two can take him up on it if you like Grace: I don't need to Janis: getting the uber black is it Grace: no Grace: can't you hear them leaving? they are loud enough Janis: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: really Grace: IKR Grace: learn to walk in heels Grace: embarrassing at this point Janis: what are you doing Grace: the same thing I've been trying to do this entire convo Grace: duh Janis: you're not ready Grace: obvs not Grace: some of us take longer than your 10 mins babe Janis: jesus Grace: he's not gonna be v helpful with my hair Grace: his is natural Janis: how is that you're so slow you've pissed off the most annoying girls in the world Janis: sort it out Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: you think they're ready? so cute Grace: Mia clicked her fingers so they left Grace: she has 💔boy drama💔 she needs to scheme to solve Grace: can't do it alone, she'd have to have an independent thought, duh Janis: ha Janis: even worse Grace: if you say so Janis: you don't? Janis: love having such cunts for friends who'll drop you like a sack of shit, naturally Grace: love being able to concentrate Grace: & hear myself think Grace: & now I don't have to go to the party so Janis: why are you still perming your fucking pubes then Grace: EW Janis: seriously Grace: You are seriously GROSS Janis: grow up Grace: no Grace: See how annoying that is? Janis: you're teaching me? Janis: you started that lesson fresh out the womb don't be acting like this is revolutionary doll Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: here come the hieroglyphics Grace: I'm ignoring you now Grace: so boring Janis: 💔💔💔 Janis: how will I go on Janis: wonderbread doesn't think I'm interesting Grace: fine by me if you don't Janis: 😱😱😱 Grace: [doesn't reply cos ignoring] Janis: 💀💀💀 Janis: 👻👻👻 Grace: [still doesn't cos actually trying to get ready] Janis: Grace Janis: grace Janis: grace Janis: gracieeeeeeeeee Grace: OMG SHUT UP Janis: 😂 Grace: [goes back to ignoring] Janis: know you're checking these Janis: case it's one of your pals Janis: ain't though Janis: just me Janis: unlucky Grace: [still ignoring cos she is capable sometimes] Janis: 😭😭😭 Grace: [probably is crying knowing her so not gonna answer] Janis: the selfie you'll get gonna be so worth all this effort Janis: so many ❤s Grace: if it was for that, I would, thanks Grace: so supportive Janis: you said you ain't going Janis: no need to 🤡 to mope around your room Grace: I'm not going or moping Grace: not that it's your buisiness Janis: making another video doesn't count Janis: sad times Grace: I'm not doing that either Grace: but there's plenty of cat videos for you to watch, babes Grace: don't be too sad Janis: it's so hard though Janis: you get it Janis: you live with all Janis: that Grace: mhmm Janis: i'm over how mysterious you're tryna be now and my 10 minutes is up Janis: i hope someone cares 💕 Grace: It's not mysterious that it's none of your business what I do Grace: but I'm glad you're finally at my boredom level with this convo Grace: 👋 Janis: loving the convo Janis: you're such a natural you should really like Janis: sit in your room and film yourself talking to yourself Janis: that'd be so sick Janis: only half your comments will be asking when you're getting your tits out like Ri 👌 Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: leave me one babes I'll be so sure to get back to you Janis: must be so hard Janis: with your 14 followers and a comined IQ of 32 Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: 💔 Grace: 💋 Janis: you wish Grace: not even Janis: 👌 Janis: God bless Grace: bye Janis: no Grace: awh you gonna talk to me all through the party? Grace: so cute Janis: ikr Janis: i'm adorable Grace: tell it to your boyfriend Grace: see if you can't make him believe it Janis: you know all your putdowns only work if you're deeply insecure? Janis: again, more of a you problem Janis: 😬 awkies Grace: it's not a putdown Grace: genuinely hoping you two go the distance Grace: I already said so Janis: 😂 Janis: ew Grace: 💕💕💕 Grace: hopefully you'll get stronger words from Mia when she finds you at the party Grace: she's really 💔 over that boy if not Janis: gotta have one to break it, kid Grace: a fake one works well enough for her purposes Grace: & it's fake 💔 Janis: you always chat as if everyone doesn't know Janis: you're the only ones tonguing her hole, love Grace: ew Grace: & you wish obvs Janis: wow Janis: back at it with the gay jokes Janis: hit all 3, well done Grace: excuse you for wanting me to be in love with her or something Janis: you are Janis: and it's like Janis: well Janis: casual battered wife, want me to get you a place in a hostel Grace: I told you, girls don't do it for me, sorry to burst that bubble for you Grace: nobody's more devastated than me, trust Janis: no shit Janis: no self-respecting dyke is touching your shit with a bargepole Janis: your issues make the boys uncomfortable imagine someone capable of empathy, christ Grace: 💔 Janis: you mentioned Janis: the nation mourns, kid Grace: sure Janis: toodle-oo Grace: 👋

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justarandompersonnoonecares-blog · 8 years ago

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The Year of Spiders by Beringae

She makes the bath water as hot as it will go and watches the steam curl up towards the ceiling as her skin prickles and pinks. She sweats impurities, and everything that has made her hurt goes somewhere else, for now. She stays in the water as long as she can, and when she stands up she feels the blood rush from her head and she has to hold on to the wall until the black before her eyes subsides. When she exits the bathroom, wrapped in a large blue towel that makes the pink of her skin all the more pronounced, Draco is sitting on her bed. He looks at her and she sees a helplessness that unnerves her. "What are you doing here?" she asks, clutching her towel. He rakes a hand through his hair, staring at the warped boards of the floor. "I was thinking that I might have to leave soon," he says, quietly. She feels like perhaps he has hit her, and closes her eyes against her instinctive protest. "W-Why?" "You don't need me anymore." She frowns, confused. She doesn't know where to go, so she stands against the wall. "What do you mean?" "I don't need to be here, so I'll have to leave." "You don't have to do anything, Draco. You can do whatever you like." He finally looks back at her, and she sees that he is smiling darkly. "You still don't understand, do you? Merlin, Hermione." But he doesn't say more. She sits next to him, her arms wrapped tight around herself. That nag has returned, and she feels hollow dread in her stomach, desperation. The year, she recollects, has seemed to last a lifetime, and Draco has been a constant presence. Her caretaker, her overseer, her aggravator. Her companion and her destroyer. But their time in this house has been a dream, and she begins to realize that it cannot last. She can't help but feel that they are on the precipice of a terrible secret. "Where will you go?" she asks, trepidation in her voice. He looks at her too sharply, and then he laughs. It is not a happy sound. "You're funny, you know that?" he says. She narrows her eyes. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Draco? I've never told you that you can't leave. You're not a prisoner." "Wake up, Hermione." And then she kisses him, because it feels like it's the only thing she can do. He turns on her immediately, pressing her body hard into the bed, like punishment for her ignorance. Her body remembers what her mind does not, and she stops thinking. It feels insubstantial—a less-logical dream—and she holds on to him. The explosion threw her on her back and took the breath she had been holding. She lay, fighting against her uncooperative lungs, for several minutes until she could sit up and view the slaughter. A crowd of civilians. An unfeeling massacre. The explosion originated from where Draco had been moments before, and the bodies were strewn in a circular pattern around the focal point. And she knew. "You bastard. I knew it." Her tears burned the smoke residue away. The fermented doubt all of a sudden seemed justified. She remembers the betrayal of that day, just before the world went black. She wakes and immediately senses that something is not how it should be. Rolling over, she reaches out an arm to wake Draco but finds the bed empty. No, not just empty—untouched. The bedclothes are completely smooth, the pillow without indentation. He never makes the bed. Frowning, she pushes her snarled hair from her eyes and looks, bleary eyed, around the room. She trembles. Something is wrong. She throws back the covers and stands, expecting to feel the pull and ache of unused muscles. She walks without discomfort. She wonders if it had truly been a dream. And then she realizes that she is naked. She sits on the bed, bare knees knobby in her thinness, and attempts to come to terms with the fact that she had loved Draco Malfoy. She woke to hushed voices. She could recognize the sterile whiteness of St. Mungos even with closed eyes. She lay still for several moments, attempting to collect her memories. "Draco!" she breathed, anger in a flash causing her eyes to snap open. "Hmm?" said a familiar voice. She turned her head and saw him. Her eyes narrowed. She sat up, wincing, and slapped him sharply. "How dare you come here, you son of a bitch! You killed them!" Her voice broke, and she scrambled to grab onto a part of him, twist and hurt. "I saw you!" She saw Harry and Ron, the source of those hushed tones, rush through the doorway, confusion written on their faces. "Hermione, what—" Draco grasped her wrists lest she attempt to hit him again. "Hermione, wait. Let me explain. Voldemort has powers beyond—" "DON'T TRY TO RATIONALIZE!" She screamed, squeezing her eyes shut against the pain of her battered body. "You killed them! Just people on the street! After everything we've been through, how could you?" Harry and Ron rushed towards her, nearly plowing into Draco, who had to step aside and out of their way. "Hermione, what are you talking about? Who killed who?" asked Ron, his brow furrowed in concern. "HIM! He killed those people!" Hermione shrieked, pointing suddenly at Draco, who stood off to the side, staring at her with eyes that were sad enough to make her insides fracture. "I can't…" She finally broke, sobbing, and cradled her head in her hands. Ron and Harry glanced in the direction she pointed, and then they shared a look that alarmed her. Harry motioned to the doctor. "I think you'd better sedate her." She didn't know any more. After she has found herself once again, she finds a robe and goes downstairs. She expects to find an empty house, but he is in the kitchen tending to two mugs of coffee on the counter. She stands in the doorway, looking at him, for only a moment. Drinking in the idea that he is still here. He hears her breathing, and picks up the coffee. He hands it to her, and leans in to kiss her lightly on the mouth. She can hardly feel it. "I thought you would have left," she says, wrapping her hands around the warm mug. "Not yet," he replies. "Something is wrong." "You're waking up. You don't need me anymore." She cocks her head and begins to understand. "You made the bed. You never made the bed. I couldn't feel you last night." He stares at her, a minute. Two. Then he says, "Of course you couldn't. I've been dead for a year." She drops the mug. Coffee splashes across the floor, seeps between the floorboards. "No, you haven't. You've been here with me. You've always been here to take care of me. Don't lie, Draco," she says quickly, between shallow breaths. "Use your head, Hermione. Don't let it control you. It's time to wake up." His eyes are very soft, very clear. She closes her eyes, squeezes tight. "Oh my god. Oh my god." And then, she knew. She remembered empty rooms and words spoken to nothing. She feels like she might faint, so she feels for a chair and sits down. When she next opens her eyes, he is gone. Harry and Ron spoke to the doctor quietly while Hermione slept. "What's going on? Why was Hermione acting like that?" asked Ron, wringing his hands. The doctor looked at them sadly, responsibility weighing heavy on his face. "You said that Ms. Granger was in a relationship with one of the victims of the curse?" "Yes," said Harry. "We're questioning Lestrange now. She performed the curse. She killed thirty people." The anger in his eyes made the doctor take one step back. "I have reason to believe that Ms. Granger has…compensated," he explained, sighing deeply. "What the hell does that mean?" Ron demanded aggressively. "It means that Ms. Granger thinks that Mr. Malfoy betrayed her and killed those people. It means…she thinks he's still alive. She thought he was in that room." The two boys—men, now—fell silent. "She…she was talking to Malfoy in there?" Ron stumbled over the words. The doctor nodded. "I believe she knows, in her subconscious mind, that he has passed, but she has been through such a trauma that her mind is compensating by recalling the image of the man she loves. It will likely pass, but for now I would suggest playing along. She will likely not believe whoever tries to reveal the truth to her, but it will also be an incredibly upsetting revelation." The doctor removed his glasses and wiped them on his jacket. "She will come to terms with it in time. These things take time." Ron and Harry stared at each other, one of the hardest conflicts of their short lives playing out before their eyes. Harry smoothed his thumb over the object in his pocket. Inside the hospital room, Hermione woke to gray eyes. "Hermione! Are you in there?" Ron pounds his fist sore on the splintering door of Hermione's house. He and Harry have been waiting outside for Hermione to answer the door for ten minutes. "Ron, this is really starting to worry me. We haven't heard from her in two weeks, and now she won't answer the door. What if something's happened?" Harry says, his eyes betraying his panic. "Only one way to find out. Stand back, will you?" Ron nudges Harry out of the warpath, and promptly kicks down the door. It comes away with ease, carrying chunks of the rotten doorway with the lock. "Hermione! Where are you?" Harry shouts, noting the dusk and gloom of the house subconsciously as he searches. He finds her in the kitchen, sitting with her back to the wall. She doesn't move, even as she hears his footsteps. "Hermione, what's going on? We haven't heard from you in weeks! Are you—" "He's dead." Harry falls silent. Ron's heavy breathing announces his presence, and good sense keeps him from speaking. Harry finally takes the plunge. "He is, Hermione." She turns to look at them, and Harry fights not to recoil after seeing the empty despair in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asks in monotone. "They told us not to." She nods, and tears begin to leak from her eyes, covering the salty tracks of many before. "Will you take me out of this house, please?" She whispers. She lets the tears lay quietly on her cheeks and throat. Harry lifts her easily from the ground, his arms around her thighs and shoulders. She breathes softly onto his neck. She is very light, and Harry frowns. Before they leave, on the threshold of the sad house, Hermione says, "The potion is ready." At Harry's flat, he settles Hermione on the couch. She stares at the wall. Harry disappears for a moment, and returns with his fist clenched tight around something small. He opens Hermione's lightly clenched hand, and presses cold metal into her palm. Hermione looks blankly at the ring in her hand, and then her eyes light with slow understanding. She looks at Harry with a question in the lines of her face. "It was all we could find of him, Hermione," Harry says, choking on her name. Hermione releases a near silent sob, and her shoulders finally shake with suppressed grief. She stares at the ring in her hand, and the Malfoy crest glints with terrible regularity back at her.

#why #depressing #why them #broken #shook #justcan't #READ THIS

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Bea & Ro

Surprisingly productive argument/turned actual conversation, about Drew, Ro’s self-loathing, sister issues and their parents/going to London soul-searching.

Bea: Back with him then? I thought you'd learned your lesson (finally) last time...Well? Ro joined the chat 3 hours ago Ro: Yes, it was rather unexpected, and sudden I suppose, hence I didn't get a chance to let you know individually Ro: Well, actually I have learned a lot. As has Drew. Bea: That's always good, rushing into commitments, being at his beck and call... Bea: And obviously he has, how else would he deceive you, again. Got to have new tricks. For goodness sake! Bea: What does he actually do with his time, Ro? What do you think? He isn't in Schooling, fine, but where's his REAL job? Bea: What are you getting out of this? Except heart-ache and being made to look a fool at the end of it, every month or so Bea: I thought you were in a good place? Ro: That isn't at all what I meant. There was a lot going on with my birthday celebrations and everything as you yourself know. Ro: Oh Bea that's just uncalled for! He's changed and with is finally being more truthful with me. Ro: I thought you, out of everyone, would understand standing on your own two feet and making a living for yourself your own way. He didn't enjoy school but he's using the skills he has to support himself Ro: What is so wrong with that? Ro: I am in a good place now. With him. He loves me. What more could there be to get 'out of it' Bea: Wait, he didn't try all this AFTER you read the letter, did he? Bea: It's always an emotional time for you, regardless if it was before or after anyway; it's wrong for him to exploit that for his own gain Bea: No, he hasn't! If he had, he'd leave you alone, or at least let you come back to him. He hasn't changed at all. Bea: So tell me what he does, if it's so admirable, tell me right now what you think he does, what has him out all the odd hours Bea: I, out of everyone, know where dealing in the things he does, can get you. You don't remember what it was like for Tess and Fearghal back then, you were too young, but they've told enough war stories for you to know better! I know you do, so why are you choosing to ignore what you know to be true for his sake? Bea: He isn't worth it. For God's sake, being associated with him could risk your career before its even began. Is that what you want? Think on! Bea: Oh, Ro. There is so much more than those words, even when they're not empty. Ro: Why must you take something so nice and twist it into something HORRIBLE! I hadn't even opened your gift when Drew and I reconciled. Mum and dad have nothing to do with this and he would never do anything to involve them after everything he has been through with his own family. Ro: You don't know anything about him. Or us. You barely know me. Ro: He does all kinds of things, odd jobs, fetching and carrying for people that sort of thing. I didn't need all the ins and outs because I trust him and honestly it hardly matters if you don't. Ro: I've also been told enough stories to understand that people deserve second chances, as have you. He isn't as lucky as I was. He remembers every struggle before Caleb's family took him in and he does what he has to do to make sure he and Meena will have a future whatever happens next. I can't blame him for that and you shouldn't. Self reliance is the opposite of a risk and I'm proud and lucky to know him, thank you very much. Ro: You clearly have no idea what he's worth so you'll excuse me if I don't bow to your 'wisdom' on the subject. Ro: Besides, it's my career. Not yours. You've made your own choices why can't you let me make mine? Ro: How can you say that Bea! You live by them. Fraze is everything to you and you've never listened to a word against him, have you? Bea: You're just seeing it as it actually was, and not through rose-tinted fairyland glasses. Bea: I know enough. More than you, as you continue to choose ignorance over swallowing the bitter pill and moving the fuck on. Bea: And there is no 'us' as in 'you and him'. There never will be because that is not what he wants from you. Bea: You are ridiculous. This is not 1950s America in a cheesy movie...He isn't a fucking boy scout doing bob-a-job. Listen to how stupid you sound, for what? He doesn't defend you, or do anything that inconveniences him, in fact, for you. Its one-sided and unfair and you deserve better, I know you think otherwise, and that you won't get better but its true, and possible. Bea: Boo fucking hoo. He doesn't get to use his sad backstory to be a criminal. All that will happen is that he'll end up in jail, leaving his wittle sister alone. And Meena will be just fine without him, because she's got a fucking brain in her head. God, I wish I could say the same for you. Bea: I don't care to know any more about him that is plainly evident for all to see. You're not going to get a doctorate for giving a shit about him. He isn't special. He's not intriguing. He's a waste of your time and energies. Bea: Don't even bother going to Cambridge if you're going to throw it all away on him. Save the country the debt, get yourself knocked up now and waste away waiting for him to love you back. Bea: Because we have common interests, goals, and you know, we make each other's lives better by being in them? And we've always both been willing to put our money where our mouth is, in terms of love and working together to get what we want and need. So please, don't ever try and compare this teenage infatuation of yours to my relationship with Fraze again, it is just laughable in the saddest way. Ro: Stop. You don't know half as much as you think you do and frankly what information you're working with isn't correct anymore if it ever has been. You're the one being ridiculous, not me. Ro: Not to mention judgmental! You don't get to tell him how to act or what his future may or may not be because you aren't a monopoly on tragedy. Ro: I wish you'd stop pretending to have any stake in my own future either. It isn't so and I'm not going to do as you say just because you say it. Not that it's any of your business but getting pregnant is the last thing I intend to do but if I did it has nothing to do with you and there is no reason I'd have to choose regardless. You didn't and Ali isn't. Ro: I've already told you he does love me and he does make my life better but since you clearly need to hear it, we also have plenty of things in common. Bea: No, I won't. Because someone needs to tell you, and it will go in. And one day, you will see sense. Bea: Yeah my judgment is the least of his worries, try the judgment of the fucking law because did you forget, its illegal? Bea: He's a moron, everyone in Dublin knows he's dealing, he'll be lucky if the police find him before rivals do and break his fucking kneecaps. Bea: I do, I'm your sister, you don't have to like it for it to be reality, you can't write me out of your fucking fairytale, Ro. And if you want anything to do with your niece or nephew, I'd reconsider the path you're going down because fat chance I'm letting them near that scum, or near you when you're behaving so irrationally. Bea: All you have in common is co-dependency on toxicity and fucking up your lives and your poor attempt at trauma-bonding. What fun! Ro: We're sisters when it suits you, Bea. I'd be surprised you have time for this conversation except I'm well versed in the fact that you live to berate me. I thought things were getting better between us but apparently I'm wrong about that above all. Since we've come to what is really, and consistently, the heart of the issue once again, I won't try and change your mind or apologise, once more, for not being good enough for you. I'd hate to sound even more like an irrational teenager when you read back this conversation to bask in your superiority. Ro: What's fun are these constant fights and reminders of what a failure you believe I am. Ro: If you don't want me around Nancy and Buster then fine, they are your children. I don't feel the need to tell you what to do or you're doing wrong. Bea: So you want me to leave you alone? But are also so sad about the fact I'm never there for you? Sounds like someone's confused! Unsurprising when you believe lies and won't see or hear anything real. Bea: And I haven't berated you, I've berated him; you are not one. Which is the real heart of the issue, you taking responsibility for and internalising all his bullshit. Bea: And I have bad news for you on that front, except you sound like what you are, a child. Bea: I've never been ashamed of you. Until now. Bea: You won't be in and out of their life when it suits you, just an Auntie when he leaves you, AGAIN. So, you've made your choice. I sincerely hope you can live with it. Goodbye, and good luck, Ro. Ro: I must take after you what with you contradicting yourself so heavily. If Drew and I aren't one, as you're so keen to stress then why are you so quick to try and tell me that I'm not separate from his choices or mistakes. Ro: Sadly you're too late as well because I'm not a child anymore. However my relationship continues or ends I'm living my own life. I didn't expect to have to do so without you but I fine. Ro: As for the kids, I wouldn't do that when I know how much it hurts. Ro: For the record though, this is the choice you made. It's been forced upon me but I guess I will have to live with it all the same. Bea: No, Ro. You chose to make the wrong decision. Bea: You love getting a chance to be the victim. Well, be his victim. But you're not mine, you did this to yourself, I gave you the choice. Ro: There shouldn't have even been a decision to be made but you need me to be wrong so badly don't you? In every way you can. Forgive me for being sick of it. Ro: No Bea, you love me to be a victim so you can heap your scorn on me. It's not the same thing. Just like a choice isn't the same as a ultimatum which is what you've thrown at me. Bea: No, I need you to fucking love yourself! Maybe you're sick of feeling wrong, feeling like you're never enough. That is coming from you and you alone, so don't you dare try to push your self-loathing onto me and say that's how I feel about you, because it isn't, never has been, and it never will be. I love you. Bea: I pity you, it hurts you like scorn because you've still got an ounce of pride left in you somewhere. I'm just asking you, begging you, to hold onto it and make use of it. Ro: Then just love me! Let me be happy without trying to ruin it and be cruel all the time. That hurts me and it does, and is, coming from you. I can't keep having the same fight with you. It's more exhausting than anything Drew's done. Pity me for saying so if you want. I can't control that either. Bea: If I have to be cruel to be kind, then that's the role I have to play. I hardly enjoy it, it hurts me too, Ro! But I'm not going to lie to you, to pretend something is okay when it isn't, just because that's what feels best to you at the time. Because its not going to feel good when you look back, for me or for you. I'm not prepared to wrap you in cotton wool. You're an adult now? Then I'm treating you like it, no coddling. Ro: But you don't have to! You don't have to like him but why can't you accept that I do? I love him. Why can't that just be okay? Nobody else is lying or pretending, I mean look at Tess, but she's not being like this. Like you. Ro: You're my sister but you don't have to be anything to him, I'm not asking for that. We aren't married, Bea. Bea: Because I AM your sister! They're all family, but they're not; there are boundaries. And Tess is a parental figure, parents let you make your own mistakes. But I am your sister and I happen to think you've made the same mistake enough times now. There's nothing more to learn from this, from him. Nothing of worth for you and your personal growth. Bea: But I know you're not going to stop, so, there we go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, it will help one day. Ro: But maybe it isn't a mistake this time. Or maybe I am just tired of always having to think in terms of what I can learn or take and want to just have what he can give me... Ro: why can't this be worth a try? Bea: Because you're worth more than just taking what you can get from someone who isn't giving enough, nevermind their all. Ro: You're just saying that because you don't like him. Bea: No, Ro, I am not. And you know that. Ro: I know I'm not you. Or Ali. And I know what people say about me. Why they bully me. I'm not stupid. Bea: You're socially awkward, that's all. People with competent enough social skills themselves can easily get past that. And you're clever, all that just combines to make people feel insecure so they project that onto you, make you feel the same. Bea: Its not as if I had any real friends at School either. There's a whole world out there, Ro. Filled with people who will like and love you, will get you. Bea: And you have Ali, and Meena, don't you? Ro: No you're clever, I just work hard. Try harder. Ro: You don't get it, he's not the one who's wrong, I am. Ro: He loves me, why can't I have that? Ro: And yes, of course, but it's not the same Bea: But what's not admirable about that? Being 'clever' innately (which in School just means having a decent store and recall memory to pass tests) isn't anything to shout about particularly, but putting in the work is. Bea: What's wrong with you? Different is not wrong. They're all the same, it makes it feel wrong to be different, but do you want to be like all the other girls in your School, really? Bea: You're better. Bea: Don't make me say it, Ro... Ro: In theory yes but in practice it's simply exhausting and frustrating and anything other than admirable. Or likable. Ro: I just don't want to be this. It isn't about comparison Ro: He makes me happy that's all. Bea: It feels like it when you're there, but School isn't a popularity contest. Its to get you to where the fuck you actually WANT to be, that's all. You don't want the only place you ever wanna be to be the School playground 'cos you've peaked, 'cos you're leaving in a year's time and there is no going back. Bea: You're going to have a life that is more than just nostalgia Bea: That's all this is, that's all I'm trying to prevent here, don't fall into the trap, okay? Ro: I know that. Ro: But this isn't just nostalgia though, I know that as well. Bea: Okay, but one day it will be, and I want you to be able to look back at this time with more than just regret Ro: And I want a chance to be in the moment, for once, instead of constantly looking back or worrying about the future Bea: Then go for it, like I said. But 'living in the moment' doesn't magically absolve you of making choices that will affect your present, your future, and how you look back on it as the past one day. You can not think too much about it when you're in it, sure. But you will have to live it and re-live it. That's just life, baby sister. I know it better than most. Ro: Okay, so what you have me do, leave him because of how he might behave and how he has in the past, in spite of his apologies for it? That isn't right. Bea: The past has a habit of not staying in the past...It creeps up on you, and on him, no doubt, old habits dying hard. If you can live with how he treated you, how everyone knows he treated you, the cheating and lying and just cruelty, he threw your way- then, well, I can't stop you. I wasn't trying to, I was only ever telling you how it is, how I see things. Bea: Is sorry enough? Because you know, it can't fix everything, don't you? Ro: I have to believe it can Bea: Then...I wish you luck. Ro: Is that all? You don't hate me again, do you? Bea: I never hated you, Ro, and I don't Ro: I hope so. I'd like to come and see you. I've been thinking about the woman that wrote you the letter a lot and was wondering if I should send her one back or something. Bea: You could- Or we could go visit her, she did offer Bea: I have been pondering what to do too Ro: Oh, that's an even better idea, if a scarier one.... Bea: Yeah Bea: We'll be okay. I'm certain she's legitimate, as in she was a true friend, not just someone who went to the same School and had a vague recollection and some old photos. I did a lot of digging before I reached out and she'd done Facebook posts on mum's Birthday, and the anniversary of the crash, year upon year, and she had more photos on their too. Bea: She could probably give us a real sense of who they were, and the area, she's still there...Its not somewhere in London I'd been previously and I haven't gone without you Ro: I don't doubt that or you, it's just...what if I'm not how she expects. Ro: The whole thing could be a huge disappointment Bea: It's not an audition. We're their daughters and that isn't up for debate, nor judgment. Who would she be to do that? Not that she sounds like that but you know, fuck anyone who would, they don't know us, what we've been through. Bea: It could be, yeah, but we've not got anything to lose, have we? Ro: You're right. Okay let's do it. When? Bea: Well, its a pretty good season to do it in, I think. Goodwill, being with new friends, reminiscing on old, reaching out to your fellow man and all that. We can get her something, to say thank you... Your last day is the 21st, right? So, if we do Sat 22nd, you can come back to Cambs with me for the Sunday and we'll all go back to Dublin together on the Monday, for Christmas Eve. Bea: Is that too soon for you? Its a few weeks but if you need longer, we can do it AFTER Christmas. I just think the festive season is as good an excuse as any, it'll make us all for more comfortable, I feel. Ro: No no I agree. That's a perfect time. Bea: I'll talk to Tess but I know she'll be fine. Bea: I'm really looking forward to this Ro: Anything to distract her from it being Caleb's family's turn to have Ali and the kids for Christmas, bless her. Ro: Me too. Thanks again, Bea. I know I've said it a hundred times already but Bea: Oh dear, I better catch up with her so she can rant, save your ears from it for the hundredth time, especially Ferghal's! Bea: Its okay, hopefully we'll get even more from this visit, fill in the blanks once and for all Ro: I really hope so, yes. Bea: I better get on, lots to do. We'll talk soon. x Ro: Okay. Kiss the twins for me 💕 Bea: Will do 💞

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