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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago

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It’s been thirteen years since Natsu and Gray met in a program for troubled youth - since they both fell apart and helped put each other back together. Now they’re married and happy, loving each other and the shared family they found. But the past doesn’t always stay past, and when the things that broke them come back into their lives, Natsu and Gray have difficult decisions to make - ones that could change their lives forever.

Chapter Summary: Natsu and Gray deal with the aftermath of their fight.

Chapters (9/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Cana Alberona/Lucy Heartfilia, Chelia Blendy/Wendy Marvell Characters: Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Rogue Cheney, Sting Eucliffe, Freed Justine, Laxus Dreyar, Wendy Marvell, Chelia Blendy, Ultear Milkovich, Lyon Vastia, Lucy Heartfilia, Cana Alberona Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aged-Up Character(s), Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Married Couple, Established Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Drug Addiction, Mental Health Issues, Foster Care, Family Issues, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, Grief/Mourning, Childhood Trauma, Bipolar Disorder, Adoption, Families of Choice, Nonbinary Character, Trans Character, Genderfluid Character, Forgiveness, Absent Parents, they're really in love but are sometimes dumb, Natsu is a stubborn shit Series: Part 14 of the only hope for me is you, Part 3 of if you jump i'll break your fall

**TW for brief mention of suicide attempt and child abuse

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Gray woke up alone. A thin ray of morning sunlight spilled through the window, and Happy was curled up next to him, purring contentedly. It took Gray a second to realize that he was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

“Hey, you,” he said to Happy, voice hoarse as he pushed himself up and ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes were swollen from crying, and when he rubbed his face, his skin felt tight and uncomfortable.

A clattering sound from the kitchen filled Gray with a sense of relief – Natsu was still here. Gray stretched, then stood up and took a deep breath before heading out into the living room.

Natsu stood in the kitchen, staring dully at a spot on the counter. The only sound in the apartment was the soft hiss of the coffee machine and the quiet hum of the washing machine from down the hallway.

“Hey,” Gray said, moving closer to Natsu and reaching out for him hesitantly. Natsu looked up at Gray with red eyes, giving him a soft smile before pulling him into an embrace. The tension in Gray’s body slowly melted away as he let himself relax in Natsu’s arms.

“You hungry?” Natsu asked, nodding at the fridge. “I can make pancakes.”

Gray shook his head. “My stomach hurts,” he mumbled into Natsu’s shoulder.

“Mine too,” Natsu said, kissing Gray’s temple. “C’mon, let’s go sit down.”

Continue reading on AO3

Gray grabbed both cups of coffee and followed Natsu into the living room where they both curled up on the couch. Natsu yawned, rubbing his face and then pulling his sleeves down over his hands.

“That’s my sweater,” Gray said, sipping his coffee.

“Mm.” Natsu picked at a loose thread in the blanket. “I just...”

Guilt welled up in Gray’s chest and he set his coffee down on the table, then took Natsu’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean them.”

“You did,” Natsu said, shaking his head. “It’s okay,” Natsu reassured Gray quickly, squeezing his hand. “I was the one who was an ass. I shouldn’t have lied to you about my dad; I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” He swallowed, keeping his gaze on their joined hands. “I didn’t plan on talking to him, I wasn’t lying about that, I promise.”

Gray shifted closer, pushing the blanket out of the way and wrapping his arm around Natsu. Natsu sighed, tipping his head against Gray’s and running his thumb over Gray’s knuckles.

“I just kept thinking about him. And you kept saying he could be dangerous, and it just... it made me feel stupid. I know you’re just looking out for me – I know that, but sometimes I just feel like this—like all I do is make mistakes, and hold you back, and you’re stuck taking care of me.”

“Natsu,” Gray said gently, pulling him closer.

“And you saying that it’s true, that I am too much sometimes—”

“That’s not—”

“Sorry, no, that’s not what I meant.” Natsu shook his head. “I just mean... you’re allowed to be overwhelmed, that’s not your fault.”

“It’s not your fault either.”

“I know that. But it’s still a lot for you. I just... I’m so, so scared that one day you’re gonna get sick of dealing with me. That everyone is. Like everyone has this invisible counter and I use up chances with them every time I fuck up, and when that counter runs out, they’re going to leave.”

“I’m never going to leave you,” Gray insisted.

Natsu swallowed, squeezing Gray’s hand. “Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he said softly, “but I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to believe that.”

A pang of hurt twisted in Gray’s chest. “Natsu, I—”

“It’s not you,” Natsu said quickly. “But so many people have left me. Not just my dad, but everyone who was supposed to be there for me. And every time I got moved or sent somewhere else, they told me I was too much. Too much work, too much trouble, too much to deal with.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Gray murmured, kissing the top of Natsu’s head.

“It’s why I stayed with Don,” Natsu said, running his fingers across the ring of circular scars across his right wrist. A flash of anger sparked through Gray as he recalled Natsu talking to his old social worker, telling her about how his foster father had held his arm down and burned him with the end of his cigarette as punishment for coming home late. “I was just tired of moving,” Natsu said softly. “I was tired of being too much. And then…” His gaze moved to his left arm, where the scars from the fire covered the one that had remained after he’d tried to take his life.

“I know,” Gray said, trying not to think of that terrifying day. “And I’m so sorry I brought that up – it wasn’t fair.”

“No, it’s okay,” Natsu said. “I think about it sometimes. How scared you must have been, finding me like that, and then you just… you took me in, let me stay, and you loved me, and…” His voice wavered and he touched his wedding band. “I’d never felt like that before. Being loved like that, I mean. You were the first person to tell me that you loved me since my dad.”

Gray wrapped both arms around Natsu and held him as tight as possible, fighting against the tears that were threatening to resurface again. “I do love you,” he whispered. “So, so much, and I’m never going to stop. I know it’s hard for you to believe, but there’s nothing you could do to drive me away. You’re the most important person in my life and I would be so lost without you.”

Natsu sniffed, turning in Gray’s arms and pressing his face to Gray’s shoulder. He always felt safe here, felt loved and needed. The doubt only surfaced when they were apart; when Natsu was alone with his thoughts and his brain kept whispering: nobody needs you, nobody loves you, they’re all just tolerating you, one day they’re all going to leave.

“You saved my life, too,” Gray said, kissing Natsu’s forehead. The tiny gesture flooded through Natsu and he squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that welled up inside him. “All the good things I have are because of you, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Natsu took a shaky breath. “Really?”

“Really,” Gray said, running a hand up and down his arm. “I don’t think you’re broken, mon couer. You’re not damaged, or too much, and I wouldn’t love you more if you weren’t bipolar.”

Natsu couldn’t help the choked sob that broke out of him as relief started to push away the doubt. Gray made a soft, soothing sound and ran his fingers through Natsu’s hair, resting his cheek on the top of Natsu’s head.

“It’s not your fault,” Gray said again, “and I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

Natsu curled closer against Gray, rubbing at his face with his hoodie sleeve. The skin around his eyes ached from yesterday’s tears.

“I do feel overwhelmed sometimes,” Gray said. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, or if I could be… better, or more supportive. It’s scary and frustrating to see you hurting, but I know you can’t change it. And I didn’t mean to keep any of that from you, I just felt like… you didn’t need to deal with that on top of how you were feeling. I know you’re scared I’m going to leave, and I didn’t want to make that worse.”

Shame and regret crept into Natsu’s cheeks as he thought about the angry words he’d shouted the night before. “I feel so stupid,” he said. “I hate being sick. I hate not knowing if my feelings are real, or just dumb chemicals in my brain not working the way they should. I hate that you get scared, I hate that I feel so fucking out of control sometimes.”

“I know,” Gray murmured. “And I’m sure me asking about your meds doesn’t help.”

Natsu thought about the pill container next to the stove, about the tiny pang of shame that ran through him some days when he swallowed them down. “It doesn’t,” he admitted, “but I get why you ask. I have been taking them, I promise, but… I dunno, maybe I need to see my psychiatrist again.” He groaned in frustration.

“That might not be a bad idea,” Gray said gently. “But I think this is more than just meds. The stuff with your dad, I mean.”

Natsu sighed. “Yeah,” he said. Then he reached down and pulled his phone from the pocket of his sweatpants, turning it on and opening the conversation with Neelan. The last message sat there like an accusation.

Do you want to meet?

He scrolled up until he found the picture he was looking for, then passed the phone to Gray. “That’s my mom,” he said quietly. “I’d never seen a picture of her before.”

Gray stared at the photo for a moment as he ran his thumb across Natsu’s shoulder. “She looks just like you,” he said eventually. “Can I look at the rest of them?”

Natsu nodded, watching as Gray slowly flipped through the other photos. He paused on the one of Neelan holding Natsu in the hospital.

“He loved me,” Natsu said softly as he stared at the picture. “And he seems so… normal. He keeps apologizing for leaving, but he still hasn’t said why, and I don’t know how to ask.”

Gray made a sympathetic noise, closing the photos and scrolling up through the messages. “Do you want to meet him?” he asked.

“I think so,” Natsu said. He braced himself for Gray to disagree, but Gray didn’t say anything. “Is that… okay?”

Gray set the phone down on the couch and moved to face Natsu, taking both of his hands and squeezing them. “It’s not my decision,” he said. “I don’t want to tell you what to do. I’m scared of what might happen, and you’re right, that’s on me and my trauma. I just want to be a part whatever you do. If you want to meet him, I’ll be here for you, okay?”

“Okay,” Natsu said, cheeks burning with shame. “I’m so sorry I lied to you.”

“I forgive you,” Gray said, bringing Natsu’s hands up and kissing them. “And I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t trust you.”

Natsu leaned in and pressed his forehead to Gray’s. “You’d think we’d know better after thirteen years,” he said, and was relieved when a small smile crept across Gray’s face.

“It’s because we’re both stubborn assholes,” Gray said. “I hate fighting.”

“Me too.” Natsu let go of one of Gray’s hands and touched his cheek, then leaned in slowly, sighing in relief when Gray tentatively kissed him. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Natsu kissed Gray again, then pulled back and brushed a few stray hairs out of his face. “Do you want to talk about Lyon?” he asked. Guilt still rested heavily in his chest at the thought of Gray, curled up against their bedroom wall and crying harder than he had in a long, long time.

“Not right now.” Gray picked at a hole in his sweatpants. “Can we shower? I feel gross.”

“Same,” Natsu said, pushing himself up off the couch and helping Gray up too. “Why don’t I text Sting and see if I can take the afternoon off; I don’t have any big jobs right now. Maybe we can go down to the beach, or go have lunch with Sylvie?”

Gray nodded, stepping forward and pulling Natsu into a tight hug. “That sounds nice.” He pressed his forehead to Natsu’s shoulder and yawned. “Can we take a nap first? I’m so tired.”

“Of course,” Natsu said, kissing Gray’s cheek and holding him close. “Whatever you need.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell him.”

Sting’s voice was quiet, but Natsu could hear the frustration in it, even over the phone.

“I know,” Natsu said softly, glancing back at the bedroom where Gray was still sleeping. “I feel really shitty and stupid. We spent all morning talking about it, and we’re both exhausted.”

Sting made a quiet sound of sympathy. “It’s not busy here, don’t worry about coming in. Just...” He sighed. “You lied to me, too.”

Natsu groaned and slumped back against the couch. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“We all do dumb shit,” Sting said, voice softening. “I’m glad you talked to him, though. He’s just worried about you – that’s what husbands are supposed to do. Ryos drives me crazy when he gets on my case about my meds, too. But he’s not doing it because he doesn’t trust me, he’s doing it because the last time I had a seizure, I ended up with sixteen stitches and scared the shit out of Noah.”

Natsu nodded, remembering Sting falling from the ladder at work and the awful cracking sound when his head had hit the concrete floor of the shop.

“You’re right,” he said.

“Of course I am,” Sting said, and Natsu was relieved to hear the disappointment in his voice turning to gentle teasing. “Now go do something nice with your husband and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Gray didn’t talk about Lyon until later that evening, when they were sitting on the beach near the pier and watching the sunset. Soft, pink light spilled across the waves, rippling as the tide washed through the sand and dragged it back out to sea.

“I miss him, sometimes,” Gray said. He was sitting between Natsu’s legs, back against his chest with Natsu’s arms wrapped around him.

“Lyon?”

“Mm.” Gray kicked off his flip-flops and dug his feet into the sand. “When Ultear said he was having this hearing, the first thing I felt was scared. But...” He trailed off, looking down at the bracelet around his wrist. Lyon had given it to him years ago, before their mom had died. “I don’t know if I’m angry or relieved,” Gray admitted after a minute. “Or both.”

“Would you want to see him? If he gets out on parole?”

Gray looked back out at the ocean and sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe? Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so. He’s your brother.”

“But he hurt me,” Gray said quietly. He reached up and touched his shoulder where the skin was white and scarred. “Why would I want to see him?”

“Because he loves you,” Natsu said. “And I know you love him.” Natsu kissed the top of Gray’s head, then took both hands in his, slipping their fingers together. “Your relationship with him is more than just the bad shit that happened. You have years of good memories with him before that, right?”

Gray shrugged. “I guess. I just... there was some part of me that thought he was gone forever, y’know? And I know parole is a thing, and he’s been there for a long time already, I had just kind of resigned myself to never seeing him again.”

“I know.”

The sun finally dipped below the horizon, leaving them in a soft darkness. Gray closed his eyes, tipping his head back against Natsu’s shoulder and cuddling closer to him.

“Ultear said I could write a Victim Impact Statement,” he said after a while. “For the hearing.” Natsu nodded. He had written one for Don’s trial, but his social worker, Richelle, had been the one to read it in court. “I did the first time,” Gray added. “When Lyon was sentenced. I didn’t go, Ultear read it for me. I don’t even remember what it said.” He sighed, keeping his eyes closed. “I just feel a whole bunch of different things and I hate all of them.”

Natsu pulled Gray closer and squeezed his hands. “You said you have an appointment with Victim Services on Friday?” he asked. Gray nodded. “What about going to see your therapist?”

Gray groaned. “I don’t want to,” he grumbled. “I hate therapy.”

“I know, Snowflake.” Natsu kissed his cheek. “Actually, I was thinking... what if we went to therapy together?” Gray opened his eyes and frowned at Natsu. “Don’t pout,” Natsu teased.

“’m not pouting,” Gray insisted. Natsu laughed and kissed his nose.

“You are a bit.”

Gray huffed, shuffling further back against Natsu.

“Freed and Laxus go to therapy together,” Natsu said after a minute. Gray raised an eyebrow. “Laxus was telling me about it the last time we were over there. Just ‘cause of all the shit with his dad, and stress and stuff. And Sting and Ryos go too, with Noah and without him. It’s not a bad thing.”

“I know,” Gray said, wishing that the idea of talking about his feelings with a stranger didn’t make him feel like throwing up. “You’re probably right.”

“You know I am.” Natsu shifted in the sand and moved his arms down around Gray’s waist. “I wish everything were easier,” he said, resting his chin on Gray’s shoulder. “I feel like a mess.”

“You are a mess,” Gray teased. “That’s why I love you. We’re both disasters and we always have been.”

Natsu laughed, nipping playfully at Gray’s ear. Gray elbowed him half-heartedly and he made an exaggerated sound of protest before kissing behind Gray’s ear instead. “We’re gonna be okay, right?” he asked, breath tickling Gray’s neck.

“Yeah,” Gray said, tipping his head to the side and catching Natsu’s lips in a soft kiss. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #gratsu #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #fanfic #new chapter #update #my fic

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deliriousabsol · 5 years ago

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More Things Than You Ever Cared To Know About My Writing

This was originally posted by ‘vorchagirl’, reblogged by someone I follow. And I thought it would be fun to just outright answer these in a questionnaire type way, rather than as asks. So here we go =)

Feel free to do this yourselves if you like it. Just please remember to add the original poster.

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Properly? Probably Pokemon. I’ve been writing fanfiction for it for years.

2. What is your latest fandom?

Funnily enough, Sonic, despite being a fan since I was like seven years old. I’ve just never seriously got into it since then until now.

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

The Pokemon fandom. I’ve made some awesome friends in it.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

You hear things, but I’ve not really come across any toxicity besides the reaction to the Sonic Movie.

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

A good few, but the only ones you’ll find are Pokemon, Sonic and Zootopia.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Zootopia - Judy/Nick

Sonic - Shadow/Rouge, Silver/Blaze

Pokemon - I don’t usually ship in Pokemon, but Jessie/James because reasons

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Sonic/Amy. Sorry. Some art is cute, but it’s not my jam.

Shadow/Maria. I don’t ship animals with humans.

I also don’t ship yaoi/yuri pairings.

I do not poop on any ship. If it’s one I’m not fond of, I just scroll on and leave it be. Shipping can be pretty toxic sometimes, and I just don’t get it at all.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

I was writing Mask Behind the Monster and my husband’s aunt suggested I join a specific Sonic forum to post it in. So I joined the Amino and posted it, all nervous. The reception blew me away, and I met some awesome people, so I stuck around.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

The friends I’ve made.

10. Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Probably. Can’t think of any off the top of my head.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Shadow/Rouge. Also Infinite/Amy. This is because of my current writing projects.

12. Who is your current OT3?

None.

13. Any NoTPs?

We’ve been over this *looks up*

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Sonic/Tails =3

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Infinite/Amy. I didn’t initially. But if it’s done right, and there are reasons for them to be together in that setting, then it works.

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Sonic/Shadow, Infinite/Gadget

I’m also not a fan of most Pokemon anime ships.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Knuckles/Amy. I still have a soft spot for it.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

Amy/Espio. I went through a phase... Read a couple of ‘fics and thought ‘Why not? Sounds like fun.’ XD

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Not really. As much as I like shipping, because I’m a fluff-junkie, I have to just like it.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Again. Inf/Amy. This one took me by surprise.

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Erm... if I remember right, Some cringy self-insert Pokemon ‘fic when I was like 14/15.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Everything I regret writing has been deleted.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

The End and Mask Behind the Monster. I can’t choose one over the other. They were both written with a lot of meaning and emotion behind them, and I have a soft spot for both.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

I keep thinking about re-writing The End, but I worry it will lose its fire if I do...

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

I think... THINK... it’s Mask Behind the Monster.

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

To Title is hard. System:Reboot was a suggestion off a friend who I have lost touch with. Its working title is ‘Hacked’. A lot of my stories have preliminary working titles until I come up with something. The End was named after a song. Confectionary Conundrum was originally called ‘Sugar Snow’ which is the name of the sweet shop in that story. The Mainframe Saga’s Scrivener file is still called ‘Datastream’. Its separate books have been renamed as I’ve been ‘planning’ them out (as much as I plan).

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Probably summaries, because FFNet leaves very little space to do so.

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

I have actually had fanart, so this is hard to say. A lot of people like drawing my cyberpunk Infinite redesign which has surprised me.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

My husband proof-reads my stuff, and then I question him on it. I don’t have a beta. I’ve thought about it, but I stick to a strict time-frame when it comes to uploads where I strictly give myself very little leniency. So if it wasn’t beta’d in time, I’d get a little frustrated and I do not like to pester people. I also worry I’ll be told to edit and cut a LOT, and I don’t like to butcher my ‘fics. I do that enough while I’m writing 8D

30. What inspires you to write?

My faith. That is a BIG one. You will find references and metaphors to my faith throughout my stories. Particularly in The End and The Mask Behind the Monster. Music is another huge inspiration drive. I’ve come up with entire scenes and even plots or sub-plots listening to music. I was just on a walk listening to some cyberpunk tracks when I got the spark for The Mainframe Saga.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Oh boy. Where do I start? I think I was especially moved when someone told me they read The Mask Behind the Monster to their sisters.

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Yes. A lot. I listen to a variety of stuff from Christian rock and EDM to cyberpunk instrumental tracks. Main bands are Thousand Foot Krutch, Family Force Five, Cruxshadows, Holon, Misanthropix, Scandroid and Celldweller.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

It really varies. I lean towards epics. Even Glitched ended up being longer than planned, if memory serves, although it’s not epic length. The Mainframe Saga is made up of chaptered ‘fics, ficlets and one-shots.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

I couldn’t tell you, because Scrivener crashes when I try to get the word count for System:Reboot XD

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I don’t, but I have thought about it.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Sci-Fi. Hands down.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

I prefer third person, particularly restricted third person, because it is easier to write about different characters. That way the reader knows what’s going on when the main cast do not. I was very surprised I enjoyed writing first person so much in Mask Behind the Monster, though. But I did leap into third person a couple of times to give a wider perspective.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I love creating OCs. But I will use canon characters in the Sonic fandom.

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?

From what I’ve been told, character development.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Violence. And tragic back stories. I have legit questioned my sanity when coming up with scenes that include this.

Also... when I write fluff... I kind of grind to a halt and struggle through it. Often interspersed with gazing from the window and thinking well further ahead than where I’m currently at. This often results in forgetting dialogue I think up during my garden gazing.

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I won’t post links because it is much too fiddly. But Guiding Light by Ambyssin, Heart Song by Suetonicsonic, Fall From Power by Lordius Dannius.

Hands of Creation by Namohysip, and The Curious and the Shiny by Nebula Dreams. Both of which I seriously need to pick up again.

I believe you can find all of them on FFNet.

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Same applies as above. Ambyssin, Suetonicsonic, Namohysip, Chibi Pika and Nebula Dreams.

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Ambyssin has provided some amazing constructive criticism on System:Reboot which has resulted in me making a terrifying antagonist out of Gadget the Wolf. I strongly hope no other antagonists will develop what I have nicknamed ‘Socket Syndrome’. His drive and commitment to his writing has been pretty inspirational, too.

But in all fairness, I think most, if not all, of my writing friends have been inspirational and very supportive. I offer digital high-fives to each and every one of you.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

I can’t think of any. People should write what they like. And I believe if you want to read it, and it doesn’t exist, then you should write it yourself if you can.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Guiding Light by Ambyssin. It’s not often I fall in love with a fanfic.

Fall From Power by Lordius Dannius is another.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

The End or The Mask Behind the Monster, because they’re pretty special to me.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

FFNet. I’ve been posting there for years. I’m iffy on AO3. I’ve considered posting to Tumblr, but my solution to that is to post links and artwork instead.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

If I feel I have something to say, I’ll post a review. I like to make sure I do so, though, and I have been known to make notes on my computer and post reviews in bulk to works posted on Serebii.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

I love comments, and I will try to respond to each one. Reblogs are totally welcome!

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I’ve been writing for many, many years. Since before I was ten years old. Pokemon likely got me into fanfiction. I can’t remember writing it for anything else prior to that cringy ‘fic I mentioned earlier (which we will never, ever talk about. Ever.)

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I love the creativity behind it, especially OCs. Pokemon OCs are my favourites, particularly in PMD or Pokecentric settings. Both Sonic and Pokemon offer a lot of inspiration to create OCs as the worlds are both pretty vast. AUs and canon settings both offer massive scope for creativity. It’s seeing peoples’ headcanons and takes on the franchises that I really enjoy. Yes, I do like shipping, but a story does NOT need it to be a good story. It’s the way people tell it that matters more to me.

I know this says ‘one thing’. But I just want to make it clear, the one part of fanfiction I don’t like, is M-rated stuff. And I will not read it. It... bugs me when a ‘fic I’ve been enjoying suddenly changes its rating XD

(I do not own any of the fandoms or characters mentioned in this post) <- Nervous Nelly moment?

#fanfiction #sonic the hedgehog #pokemon #zootopia #writing #this took me a while but it was fun #I hope you enjoy #everyone should do this #we do not ever talk about the cringy pokemon 'fic

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queeniewriteshockey · 6 years ago

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i’m not remotely new to writing but i’ve only posted a few works before and. any advice on how to post something on tumblr? because it’s a lot different than archive (from my pov). alsoooo thank you for BLESSING ME with all of this nolan and carter content cause wOw.

Posting on Tumblr is SO MUCH DIFFERENT! Honestly, I’m seasoned when it comes to fanfiction. I’ve posted on FFN and on AO3. It’s so different on Tumblr because you HAVE to tag properly or people won’t see it.

You also have to be consistent and LOUD. Your tags are absolutely KEY on this platform. I’m not sure how the tags work anymore, they keep changing shit! But try to keep the first 5 tag spots reserved for the main tags. When this shitsite originally started only the first five tags were searchable. I don’t trust that they haven’t changed that but you honestly never know. (Carter Hart Imagine, Nolan Patrick Imagine, NHL Imagine are always my first few)

Also, this is a visual site, I strongly recommend adding a gif to your posts when you drop an imagine. It catches peoples eyes more than a solid wall of text does. USE READ MORE. If it's a long post, please read more part of it so that people actually take the time to read it instead of being annoyed and scrolling through a wall of text.

If you read more, and you don’t have a good theme on your blog, please change that. Make sure what you’re writing is readable for your audience. This isn’t a big issue in this community, no one themes around here, which is so strange to me as that’s everything on the Roleplay side of Tumblr, where I came from.

Keep your content constant and friendly and be interactive with people. Reblog other peoples stories. TAG THOSE STORIES. I promise you, if you are reblogging a writers content, they are clicking on your blog to see what you said in your tags. I do it. Anytime a text post is reblogged of mine, I read the tags and see what people are saying about my work. It’s like a little drug. I admit it.

But more than that, if you’re reblogging other writers and promoing them, they’ll return the favor and get your content out there more. Likes are great but reblogs are so important. We can only do so much if our work isn’t circulating, no one is going to see it.

So... In all of that. TAGS are the most important. Be visual (gifs yes. pictures also yes). Reblog. Be consistent in your content. You’ll show up in the tags as recommended blogs. I saw my blog at the top of the Nolan Patrick tag page and was mildly flailing lol

If you need Prompts, ask friends to help out. As an RP writer, I have SO MANY tumblr pages that I know of who have LISTS of prompts. I also know Theme pages.

Ask me questions all you want! I will always answer.

Was I helpful or was that a whole lot of waffle without much flavor?

#queenie talks #writing help #tumblr help #mitchmarnerss

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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago

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When a magical mishap transforms Natsu, Sting and Rogue, Gray finds himself responsible for a horde of dragons.

Chapter Summary: Gray and Freed take the baby dragons back to the guild to try and figure out how to reverse the spell.

Chapters (2/?): 1 | 2 Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Natsu Dragneel/Sting Eucliffe/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel/Sting Eucliffe, Rogue Cheney/Natsu Dragneel, Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Rogue Cheney/Gray Fullbuster, Sting Eucliffe/Gray Fullbuster, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Levy McGarden/Gajeel Redfox Characters: Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Sting Eucliffe, Rogue Cheney, Freed Justine, Laxus Dreyar, Gajeel Redfox, Levy McGarden, Lucy Heartfilia, Erza Scarlet, Makarov Dreyar, Porlyusica (Fairy Tail) Additional Tags: Canon Universe, Fairy Tail Dragon Slayers, Magical Accidents, Spells & Enchantments, Transformation, Dragons, Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, kind of, baby dragons are basically kittens, I make the rules here, Fluff and Humor, Cute, like super fucking cute, it’s just dumb and fluffy okay, Tumblr: FTLGBTales

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The walk back to the guild – which was half an hour away – ended up taking over an hour. Sting was content to be carried, quickly taking Rogue’s place on Gray’s shoulder when Rogue flapped awkwardly down to the ground to chase a bird. Natsu immediately pounced on Rogue, and the two of them started up some sort of game that involved lots of dashing across the road and swiping at each other’s tails.

“They don’t seem to be able to fly,” Gray commented, reaching up and scratching the top of Sting’s head. “At least, not very well.” Sting yawned, showing off his sharp teeth before headbutting Gray’s hand and settling comfortably against his neck.

“Their wings might not be completely developed yet,” Freed said. “That’s probably a good thing for you.” Gray snorted. “I still don’t understand why the spell did this,” Freed continued, absently patting the scroll in his pocket. “It was just supposed to be a… power boost of sorts. Like Wendy’s magic.”

“Would finding out who made the scroll help?” Gray asked, keeping a careful eye on Natsu and Rogue as they chased each other through the low bushes on either side of the path.

Continue reading on AO3

“Maybe,” Freed replied. “I’ll get Levy to help me once we’re back at the guild. She’s better at deconstructing magic than I am.”

Gray didn’t believe that for a second. Levy was talented but Freed constantly underestimated himself.

“You’ll figure it out,” Gray said, trying not to let the tiny thread of anxiety – what if this was permanent? – creep into his voice. “And when they turn back,” he added, “they’re never going to hear the end of this.”

By the time they got into the city, Rogue and Natsu had exhausted themselves and returned to Gray, standing up on their hind feet and pawing at his legs until he picked them both up. Sting was already fast asleep on Gray’s shoulder and Natsu followed suit, curled in the crook of Gray’s arm. Rogue let Freed carry him for the last few blocks, but as soon as they walked into the noisy guild hall, he scrambled back onto Gray’s other shoulder.

“I’m going to go find Levy,” Freed said, squeezing Gray’s arm. Gray nodded absently, suddenly aware of both how ridiculous he looked holding three baby dragons, and how unsafe the guild was for them. Nobody was fighting – at the moment – but it would only take one misstep to seriously injure something so small.

“Gray!” Lucy waved at him from the table she shared with Erza at the back of the guild. Gray nodded at her, carefully making his way through the crowd toward them.

“I thought you were with the Dragon Slayers,” Lucy said as Gray approached.

“I am,” Gray said wryly, shifting Natsu in his arm and setting him down on the table. Natsu grumbled sleepily, rubbing both paws across his face before yawning and opening his eyes.

“Oh my god,” Lucy breathed, eyes widening as she studied Natsu. “That’s not…”

“Remember that scroll we got from our last job?” Gray said, sitting down beside Erza. Rogue slowly clambered down from Gray’s shoulder, sitting in his lap and putting his paws up on the table.

“I thought he was joking when he said it would turn them into dragons,” Lucy said, reaching out tentatively to Natsu. “This isn’t exactly what I was picturing.” Natsu sniffed at her hand, immediately perking up and making a happy chittering sound.

“I don’t think it’s what they were expecting either,” Gray said, laughing as Sting began to stretch and nearly fell off his shoulder. Erza caught Sting as he tumbled toward her, holding him awkwardly in both hands as he blinked awake.

“They’re adorable,” Lucy said as Natsu made his way across the table to her, rubbing his head against her outstretched fingers. Then she looked up at Gray, eyes wide with worry. “Is it permanent?”

Gray gave her an uncertain look. “I hope not,” he said. “Freed’s trying to figure out how to reverse it, but for now…”

Sting squirmed in Erza’s hands until he was sitting up and staring at her. Then he turned his head toward Gray and made a strange clicking sound.

“She’s our friend,” Gray reassured him, reaching out and petting his head. “You’re fine.” Sting clicked at him again, then turned in Erza’s hand and hopped down onto the table. He was about to pounce on Natsu’s tail when he noticed the empty plate next to Erza and sniffed at it curiously.

“Is cake safe for dragons?” Erza mused as Sting batted tentatively at a few leftover crumbs. Gray was about to answer when someone appeared at the table.

“What’d that idiot get himself into this time?” It was Gajeel, who was staring down at Natsu with a grin on his face. “Don’t look so fierce now, huh, Salamander?”

Natsu, who had been cuddled up against Lucy, scrambled back and hissed at Gajeel, baring his teeth. Gajeel burst into a rumbling laugh, shaking his head at the display.

“Leave him alone, Gajeel,” Lucy said, rolling her eyes and reaching out for Natsu again. He ignored her, keeping a wary eye on Gajeel and backing closer to Sting, who was still licking crumbs off Erza’s plate.

“I ain’t doin’ anything,” Gajeel insisted, raising both hands in surrender. Natsu growled at him, shaking his wings out until they stretched as far as they could. His tail whipped back and forth, hitting Sting, who squeaked and turned around to see what was going on.

“You can’t fight him, don’t be ridiculous,” Gray said to Natsu, shaking his head. “Do you even realize how small you are?”

Gajeel snorted, but it quickly turned into a yelp of pain and he jumped back from the table, cursing and looking down at the ground. Rogue, who had wriggled out of Gray’s lap at some point, sat at the foot of the table looking very pleased with himself.

“He bit me,” Gajeel grumbled, looking down at the two small spots of blood on his ankle. “Little shit.”

Natsu and Sting scrambled over to the edge of the table, tails flicking back and forth as they gauged the jump. When Natsu turned back to Gray with wide eyes, Gray sighed, picking both of them up and setting them on the floor next to Rogue. All three of them immediately started up a loud, chirping noise that was directed at Gajeel.

“I think they’re laughing at you,” Gray said to Gajeel, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in his seat. Gajeel glared at the three of them, but they had already lost interest in the altercation and were grappling with each other instead.

After that, the rest of the guild took notice of the dragons and made their way over to the table in small groups, alternately laughing at the Dragon Slayer’s predicament and exclaiming how cute they were. Rogue tired of the attention quickly and clambered back up onto Gray’s lap, but Natsu and Sting reveled in it, eagerly accepting pets and head scratches.

It was nearly two hours later when Freed finally reappeared, carrying a large stack of books. Nearly everyone had headed home for the day and Gray sat alone at the table, dragging a piece of string across the table while Sting batted at it.

“Any luck?” Gray asked, setting the string aside and nudging Sting out of the way so Freed could set the books down on the table. Sting made a disgruntled sound, then clambered up the book tower and sat on top of it, looking at Freed with wide eyes.

Freed shook his head. “Nothing yet,” he said, holding out his hand for Sting to sniff. Sting nudged Freed’s fingers, making a contented sound when Freed began to scratch his head. “Levy’s still working on the scroll. There should be a way to reverse it – or at least identify what kind of magic created it – but it’s going to take a few days.”

“Looks like you’re stuck babysitting until they figure it out,” Laxus said, appearing behind Freed and raising his eyebrows at Gray. Sting immediately backed away from Freed’s hand and hopped down the book tower, scrambling toward the back edge of the table. Laxus frowned. “What’s his problem?”

“You’re big and scary,” Lucy said, laughing. Before Laxus could reply, Rogue jumped up from Gray’s lap, moving toward Sting and growling at Laxus as he ruffled out his wings.

“Really?” Gray sighed. “You’re the size of Laxus’ hand.” He rolled his eyes, reaching out for Rogue, who slipped away and sat down next to Sting. They both stared at Laxus, tails rapidly flicking back and forth over the edge of the table. The fur around Sting’s neck puffed out as he hissed, flexing his claws against the wood.

“They didn’t like Gajeel, either,” Gray commented, frowning at the pair. “Maybe it’s something about other Dragon Slayers?”

“They don’t particularly like Gajeel when they’re human,” Freed argued. “Well, Rogue does. Sometimes.”

“And if anyone was going to try to fight Laxus it would be Natsu,” Gray said. Then he frowned. “Where is he, anyway?”

“Down here,” Laxus replied, looking at the ground. Gray leaned over to see Natsu sitting behind one of the legs of the table, staring at Rogue and Sting’s tails as they flicked back and forth. Every time one came close to him, he batted at it. Laxus nudged Natsu with his foot and Natsu immediately turned and grappled his shoe, biting down on the end of it.

“Idiot,” Laxus muttered, wriggling his shoe as Natsu gnawed on it. Then he turned back to Sting and Rogue, who were still watching him cautiously. Laxus sighed, crouching down next to the table and nudging Natsu away. “C’mere,” he said, holding out his hand to Sting and Rogue. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Rogue approached hesitantly; wings spread wide as he sniffed at Laxus’ fingers. He growled again, but was quickly distracted by Natsu, who had clambered back up Gray’s leg and onto the table next to him. Natsu gave Laxus a cursory glance, then swiped at Rogue’s tail, making a playful sound and scrambling backward as Rogue swatted him.

“C’mon, it’s okay.” Laxus’ voice was soft, and Gray looked up to see Sting approaching his outstretched hand slowly, ears flat back against his head. When he finally touched his nose to Laxus’ fingers, a tiny spark jumped between them, and the fur around Sting’s neck immediately poofed out, crackling with static electricity.

Sting squeaked in surprise, rubbing his nose with a paw and shaking his head. He looked more indignant than hurt, though, and quickly moved forward again to nip the end of Laxus’ finger in retaliation. Laxus just laughed, leaving his hand palm-up on the table for Sting to glare at suspiciously as he started to groom his fur back into place.

“You think they’re cute,” Freed teased, running his fingers through Laxus’ hair. Laxus huffed but didn’t disagree, pushing himself up and kissing Freed’s forehead.

A soft pressure on Gray’s forearm distracted him from Laxus and Freed, and he looked down to see Natsu kneading the sleeve of his shirt while looking up at him. “You’re probably hungry,” Gray said, scratching behind Natsu’s ear. Natsu chirped happily at him. “I guess we should head home, huh?”

At the word home, all three dragons scrambled over to Gray – Rogue and Natsu clambering up onto his shoulders and Sting standing on his hind legs with his front paws pressed against Gray’s chest. Gray laughed, picking up Sting and standing from the table.

“Let me know how it goes,” he said to Freed, tapping the stack of books. The anxiety from earlier had receded – having the three of them close to him filled him with a soft sense of contentment.

“I will,” Freed said. “I’ll come by tomorrow and let you know if we find anything.”

Gray nodded, then looked down at Sting. “All right,” he said, wincing as he thought about tiny claws on his carpet and furniture. “Let’s go home and get you guys something to eat.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #gratsustingue #ot4 #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #crack #crack and fluff #dragons #fanfic #my fic

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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago

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Sting's entire life changed when he was eleven years old and his best friend Rogue told a secret that he'd promised to keep. Taken away from the father who abused him and the best friend who'd tried to save him, Sting tried to start a new life with his uncle. But the trauma wasn't easy to escape, and eventually Sting turned to drinking to forget the things that hurt.

Now he's an adult, and he hasn't been sober in years. But when drinking nearly kills him and a near-stranger saves his life, Sting has a chance to turn his life around, and maybe become the man that Rogue deserves to love.

Chapter Summary: Sting's trying to move on with his life, but he can't stop wondering why his dad hurt him.

Chapters (8/?): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Rogue Cheney/Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel & Sting Eucliffe, Sting Eucliffe & Weisslogia Characters: Sting Eucliffe, Natsu Dragneel, Rogue Cheney, Gray Fullbuster, Weisslogia (Fairy Tail) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Trans Character, Trans Sting, Friendship, Childhood Friends, Sting-focused story, Sting is a disaster, Natsu's a great friend, Rogue tries to do what's right, Tumblr: FTLGBTales Series: Part 2 of i'm still standing

**TW for flashback to physical abuse

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frac·ture | \ ˈfrak-chər noun :  the act or process of breaking or the state of being broken

vi spring age thirteen

A few weeks into the summer after grade eight, Sting wakes up to shouting.

He yawns, sitting up and rubbing his face as he tries to pick out who is saying what. It sounds like Uncle Wes, but Sting’s never heard him yell before, so it seems unlikely. Sting quickly pulls on a sweater, then cracks the door open and peeks down the stairs.

It is Uncle Wes. He’s standing in the front entrance, talking who whoever is outside. He’s not yelling anymore, but Sting can still make out what he’s saying.

“Get out,” Uncle Wes says. His voice is hard and fierce in a way Sting’s never heard before. “I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing.” There’s a pause, and he adds, “I don’t care if you’re my brother.”

Sting freezes, fingers wrapped around the banister as the words slowly sink in. He’s about to take a step forward when the voice on the other side of the door gets louder.

“Just lemme see her.”

Sting’s heart stops and he can’t breathe because the last time he heard that voice everything was broken, and his head hurt and he couldn’t stop crying and—

“You lost that right a long time ago,” Uncle Wes growls. “You know you’re not allowed to be here. Get out.”

Everything’s going blurry and Sting sits down hard on the top step, shaking as the world falls away around him. He tries to ground himself – that’s what his therapist keeps saying, but every single thing she’s ever told him slips away as he struggles to keep breathing.

“I’m her fath—”

“You are nothing,” Uncle Wes says. There’s a loud bang and the sound of splintered wood, and Sting bites back a terrified scream, wrapping his arms around his legs and pressing his forehead to his knees.

Go away, he thinks desperately, wishing he were brave enough to open his eyes. Please don’t hurt me. I’ll be good. I’ll be quiet. Please.

“Just let me—”

“I told you to get out.” Uncle Wes’ voice is the quiet kind of angry that leaves Sting with a low, thrumming panic in his chest. His arms ache where he’s digging his fingernails into the skin, and the pain is the only real thing right now. “I will never let you hurt him again. Ever.”

Continue reading on AO3

“Him? I didn’t—”

“Save your bullshit for your parole officer,” Uncle Wes growls. “You might have some people fooled, but I was the one who picked him up from the hospital. I know what you did, and don’t you dare think for one goddamned second that I’m ever going to let you anywhere near my nephew.”

When the other voice start shouting, the tiny part of Sting that’s been holding onto reality snaps, and he’s eleven again, terrified and hiding.

Please, he thinks desperately as tears slip down his cheeks. He wants Kelly to find him and hug him and tell him it’s going to be okay.

Sting’s not sure how much time passes – the shouting stops and the door slams, and after that he doesn’t listen. Eventually, he hears someone coming up the stairs and he presses himself against the wall, heart slamming against his chest so hard that he can’t breathe. Something touches his arm and he flinches, bringing his hand up to cover his face.

“It’s just me,” a gentle voice says, and Sting hears the stair creak as Uncle Wes settles down next to him. “I’m so sorry, he’s gone now. Are you okay? ”

Sting shakes his head, trying to stop shaking – it’s like every piece of him is trying to escape in different directions. He holds his breath and grinds his teeth and bites the inside of his lip, but none of it works. Eventually he peeks up at Uncle Wes, who gives Sting a sad smile and opens his arms.

Sting hesitates for only a second before accepting the hug. “You’re safe now,” Uncle Wes murmurs as Sting cries against his shoulder, curling up against his chest. “I’m so sorry. He’s not allowed to be here.”

“Wh-why…” Sting can’t make words yet, just focuses on the gentle weight of Uncle Wes’ hand on his arm. “He’s… I…”

“I’m sorry,” Uncle Wes says again, kissing the top of Sting’s head. “He’s not in jail anymore, but he has someone called a probation officer that makes sure he follows the rules. One of those rules is that he’s not allowed to come near you, and he’s going to get in trouble for being here.”

Sting rubs his face with the back of his hand as the pounding in his chest starts to come back to normal. He lets out a shaky breath, then asks, “why was he here?”

It’s not the question he expected to ask, but the fear in his chest is slowly shifting into a barbed, burning anger.

“I’m not sure,” Uncle Wes admits, pulling back and brushing Sting’s hair out of his eyes. “But that doesn’t matter, he can’t come here, and he can’t see you.”

Sting rubs his face and pulls away from Uncle Wes. His skin feels raw, stretched over the wrong body, everything sharp and aching.

“I wanna be alone,” he says quietly. Uncle Wes nods, standing up and reaching out to help Sting up. Sting stares at the outstretched hand, then shakes his head and pushes himself to his feet.

“I’ll come check on you in a little bit,” Uncle Wes says, taking a step back down the stairs. “Maybe we can get pizza tonight?”

Sting doesn’t say anything, just rubs his arms and heads back down the hallway to his room. His mind is a jumbled mess, fear warring with a sudden, dangerous fury that sparks and burns through him.

He spends the rest of the weekend hiding in his bedroom. Uncle Wes tries to coax him out a few times with offers of pizza and movies, but Sting just shakes his head, curling up on the bed and staring at the wallpaper.

His dad isn’t in jail anymore.

Uncle Wes had talked to him about it a few weeks ago. He’d tried to explain things like plea bargains and sentencing, but it had all gone over Sting’s head. In the end, all that had mattered was that Sting’s dad knew the right kind of people, and even the scar on Sting’s forehead wasn’t enough to keep him away.

Let me talk to my daughter.

Sting can’t remember the last thing his dad said to him. Everything about that day is hazy – whenever his therapist asks about it, all Sting can feel is pain and nausea and a low, thrumming sense of terror. He knows that his dad yelled and swore when the police came, but before, when he’d hurt Sting, he’d been quiet.

The silence had been cold and terrifying, and when Sting closes his eyes and forces himself to try and remember, he nearly throws up. It’s not like a memory in movies – there’s no timeline to it, no clear image of what happened. Instead it’s pieces. Bits of things he’s pushed away for so long.

The front door clicking shut. Dad’s cold, dark eyes. Sunlight glinting off the broken glass. Trying so hard to be quiet. Dad’s hand in his hair. His head hitting the coffee table. Bright sparks of pain. The TV screen shattering. Fingers tight around his wrist. Heart rabbit-thumping as he hid in the closet, trying to be small, trying to be quiet, trying to be good.

Sting growls in frustration and sits up, throwing his pillow across the room. It knocks his pile of books to the floor, and Sting stares at them, picturing tearing out all the pages and ripping the covers to pieces.

He wants to break something like his dad broke him.

Instead he grabs his other pillow, pressing it against his face while he screams. The anger burns through him, hot and jagged, and no matter how many tears soak the fabric, it won’t go away.

Why? The word circles through his head, repeating over and over until it overwhelms him and he punches the mattress. Why did you hurt me, why didn’t you love me, why wasn’t I enough, why, why, why?

Sting tosses the pillow aside and flops back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling as something determined settles into his chest. His dad is terrifying, but he’s the only one with answers, and Sting finally has a chance to find out.

When Uncle Wes goes to sleep, Sting slips out of his room and creeps down to the kitchen. Uncle Wes’ phone is sitting on the counter charging, and Sting stares at it for a long time before picking it up and opening Uncle Wes’ contact list. He scrolls through it, searching for his dad’s name. He doesn’t expect to find it – Uncle Wes hasn’t talked to Sting’s dad since he went to jail, and even before that. But his number is saved there, and Sting clicks on it before he can change his mind.

He doesn’t have time to feel afraid because his dad picks up after the first ring and growls, “thought you told me to fuck off.”

It feels like being slapped. Everything in Sting tenses and he nearly hangs up.

“What do you want, Wes?” his dad asks.

Sting sucks in a shaky breath, then whispers, “dad?”

There’s a long silence on the other end of the phone. Sting’s convinced that his dad can hear his heart pounding – it’s slamming against his chest so hard he can barely breathe. He sinks down to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest and pinching the back of his arm to keep himself from crying.

“Abbey?” his dad says eventually.

“Yeah,” Sting says quietly, even though he hasn’t heard that name in over a year. He looks over at the stairs, listening carefully for any movement from Uncle Wes, but the only sound in the house is the dishwasher running.

“Does Wes know you’re calling me?”

Sting shakes his head. “No,” he says. “He said you weren’t allowed to see me.”

His dad sighs, and Sting can picture him rubbing the bridge of his nose and staring at the ground with his jaw tense and lines on his forehead. “I’m not,” his dad says eventually. “But I want to.”

The nausea comes back immediately, filling Sting’s stomach with bile that he can taste at the back of his throat. He forces himself to say, “me too.”

“Can you come to the park?” his dad asks, and it takes Sting a second to realize that he’s talking about the park next to their old home. Crocus is over two hours away by bus, but Sting knows where Uncle Wes’ wallet is, and he can walk to the stop from their house.

“Yeah,” he says. He presses his forehead against his knees. Part of him thinks he should just ask his dad now, on the phone, but Sting needs to see his face when he answers the question. Sting just needs to know. If he hurries, he can make it there and back to the house before Uncle Wes wakes up.

“Okay,” his dad says. His voice is soft, suddenly, and Sting clutches the phone tighter to keep his hand from trembling.

“I’ll be there in a couple hours,” he says, staring out the window at the cloudy, moonless sky. “See you soon.”

As soon as he hangs up the phone, Sting runs to the bathroom and throws up. He shivers, spitting the taste out of his mouth and wiping away the sweat on his face with the sleeve of his hoodie. He can’t stop shaking, can’t stop thinking about being eleven and throwing up in the closet because his head hurt so badly he could barely see.

Eventually he picks himself up off the floor and runs the tap, splashing his face and rinsing out his mouth. Then he stares at himself in the mirror for a long time. Eventually he combs his hair to cover his scar, then takes a deep breath and leaves for the bus stop.

Sting makes it to the park without throwing up again. He shoves his hands deep in his pockets to keep them from shaking, and every time he closes his eyes and opens them again, the lights around him blur. It’s like he’s floating behind everything; a ghost of someone who isn’t afraid.

He drags the terrified, furious pieces of himself over the sidewalk cracks, across the dirty asphalt and the plants growing through the concrete. When he sees the bench where he used to meet Rogue in the mornings on the way to school, something cracks in Sting’s chest and he starts to cry, desperately wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater.

He can’t cry. Not now. Right now, he needs to be brave, because he needs to know why.

A hand drops onto Sting’s shoulder and he pulls away quickly, spinning around and stumbling backward as his heart pounds against his ribs. It takes him a second to realize that the hand is attached to a person, and that the person is his father.

“Abbey?”

His dad looks the same. Nothing’s changed in the last three years except the graying stubble on his chin. Sting stares at him, a rush of anger flooding through him as all the moments he’s been trying to avoid catch up to him.

“I…” Sting tries to say something, but he can’t quite breathe around the mix of fury and fear. When his dad takes a step toward him, Sting scrambles backward, nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk, and catches himself on the arm of the park bench. His dad’s movements are uncoordinated, and it takes Sting a second to realize that he smells like beer.

Everything Sting had planned to say is instantly gone, determined resentment replaced by terror, and instead he whispers, “I’m sorry,” because that’s all he’s ever said to his father. I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I’ll be quiet, I promise.

“His nephew,” Sting’s dad says softly, and his eyes widen as he finally puts the pieces together. “You’re a…”

“Please,” Sting begs, digging his fingernails into his palms as he takes short, shallow breaths. All he wants to know is why. “I won’t… I didn’t do anything wr-wrong, I was trying to be quiet and I don’t understand why you…”

“You think you’re a boy,” his dad says, ignoring the way Sting’s stumbling over his words. He reaches out for Sting’s arm and Sting pushes himself further back toward the bench, but his father’s fingers close around his wrist. Suddenly Sting is six and crying, eight and hiding, nine and begging, eleven and not knowing what he did wrong.

“I…”

“What the hell has he been doing with you?”

“Nothing,” Sting says, trying to keep his voice steady as he tugs at his dad’s grip. “Let go of me.”

His father’s face is cold, and he tightens his grip on Sting’s wrist. Shadows play across his cheeks from the dim light of the streetlamps, making him look sharp and dangerous. Now that he’s closer, it’s clear that he’s been drinking – his eyes are red and the look he’s giving Sting makes the scar on his forehead hurt.

“Why?” Sting asks, every muscle in his body tense as he tries not to pull away. If he fights back, it’ll just be worse.

“Why what?” his dad mutters, and Sting can’t stop crying.

“You…” Sting swallows, then rubs at his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, trying to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks. “I jus —”

“Stop it,” his dad snaps, tightening his grip on Sting’s wrist until it hurts. It always hurts. “You’re so goddamn emotional. Always crying about stupid shit.”

grow up

stop crying

don’t be such a baby

“I’m n-not—” Sting starts, but his dad interrupts, yanking him forward and hissing, “Shut up.”

Sting squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head, but the blow he’s expecting never comes. Instead, the grip on his wrist loosens and he stumbles, hitting the back of his legs against the park bench. When he looks up, a police officer is standing there, one hand on his dad’s shoulder.

“Is everything okay here?” she asks, and for a second Sting thinks it’s Kelly. A desperate part of him wants to hide behind her, but then he realizes that it’s not her, and he’s not supposed to be here, and his dad looks like he’s going to run.

Sting’s breath catches as he stares at his dad, and the realization settles in his chest, cold and sharp – there is no reason. There is no why. His dad didn’t hurt him because he was too loud, or because he didn’t do the dishes, or because he didn’t come home on time.

There is no why, and it’s never going to change.

“We’re fine,” his dad growls at the same time that Sting whispers, “Help.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #nbm2019 #stingue #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #trans character #fanfic #new chapter #update #tw: abuse #my fic

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splendidlyimperfect · 5 years ago

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Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough.

Chapter Summary: Natsu helps Gray plan for the future. Joel gets jealous, and Gray daydreams about what could have been. .

Chapters (14/22): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 ] 14 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

** TW for abuse and implied noncon

-----

i wanna come home to you

long·ing | \ ˈlȯŋ-iŋ noun : a strong desire, especially for something unattainable

xiii september .

Fall comes, and with it, believable excuses for long-sleeved shirts and scarves. Joel’s work gets busier, so while he’s angry more often, he also spends a lot more time at the office and leaves Gray alone.

Gray spends most of the free time picking up extra shifts at the restaurant. Joel hadn’t let him leave the apartment for over a week after he’d bruised Gray’s face, and Gray had almost lost his job. Lucy vouching for him being ‘sick’ had been the only thing that had convinced Jeremy to keep him, so now Gray’s determined to make up the missing hours.

The other benefit of Joel working more is that it leaves Gray with more time to talk to Natsu. When Gray’s calling card had run out of minutes, they’d both downloaded Skype. Seeing Natsu’s blurry face on the phone screen for the first time had been a terrifying relief.

“You should pack up a bag,” Natsu says one afternoon near the end of September. They’re both lying on their beds while they chat, and Gray can see Natsu’s cat Happy curled up beside him. Natsu looks content, but his voice is serious.

“Why?” Gray asks, even though he knows exactly what Natsu means.

Natsu gives Gray a look. “I know you can’t leave,” he says, “but what if you wanted to, one day? Or you had to?”

Gray presses his face into the pillow, letting the idea float through his mind. It seems so easy when they talk, and there have been a few times where Gray has been this close to asking Natsu to come get him.

But then Joel comes home with Gray’s favorite coffee, or takes him out for dinner, or tells Gray he loves him, and Gray feels so guilty. He has to stay. Joel needs him.

“What would I put in it?” Gray asks eventually, peeking up at Natsu.

“Your license,” Natsu says immediately. Gray has a feeling he’s rehearsed this. “Any paperwork you have – birth certificate, or name change paperwork, things like that.”

“Joel has all that at work,” Gray says dully, hugging the pillow to his stomach. “I have an ID, but I don’t have a license.”

“Okay, your ID then,” Natsu says. “Do you have anything with your name on it? Your health care card? SIN card?”

Gray shakes his head, refusing to look at the screen. “Joel keeps it all.” He feels so small and stupid. “Everything’s under his name.”

Natsu sighs, and Gray can see him petting Happy out the corner of his eye. “What about a bank card? Credit card?”

“I don’t have anything,” Gray says, trying to push down the hot flush that’s creeping up his cheeks. “He has it all.” He finally looks up at Natsu again. “There’s no point. I can’t leave.”

Continue reading on AO3

If he leaves, everything will fall apart. He’ll have nothing – no money, no home, no insurance to pay for his meds. He’ll lose Bella and his job and the life he’s built.

“If I ever had to run out of the house,” Natsu says slowly, “like, if it was on fire or something, right? I’d grab Happy. My keys, my phone. Probably the scarf from my dad.” He scratches behind Happy’s ears. “That picture of us.”

Gray’s quiet for a long time. He still has that picture, buried in the back of one of his textbooks that’s collecting dust in the bottom of their closet.

“I… have a favorite sweater,” Gray says eventually, picking at a thread in the comforter. “A-and a travel mug I really like.” He feels Bella flop down on the bed next to him and he turns to look at her. “I, um… I think Bella’s adoption certificate from the shelter has my name on it. It might be in my email.”

Natsu nods, giving Gray an encouraging smile. “What else?”

“My, um, my meds. And a phone charger,” Gray adds. He looks around the room, but he’s not attached to anything here. “Jeremy at work, he—I get a paystub every couple weeks. Joel takes them usually, but… I could make a copy?”

“That sounds good,” Natsu says. “What about some clothes?”

They spend the next hour talking about what to pack, and over the next few days, Gray manages to collect everything in an old gym bag of Joel’s. On Friday he brings it to work and hides it in his locker.

He tries hard not to think too hard about what it means.

-----

“What’s your deal with that cop?”

It’s Friday evening, and Gray and Joel are sitting on the couch, flipping through Netflix while they wait for the pizza to arrive.

Gray looks over at Joel, who keeps flipping back and forth between movies without really looking at anything. He’s been in a bad mood all evening, so Gray’s stayed carefully quiet, playing Tetris on his phone and agreeing with whatever Joel says.

“What do you mean?” Gray asks carefully.

“The blond one,” Joel says. “Always hanging out at the restaurant. Seems like he’s into you.”

Gray stills, watching the Tetris shape fall into the wrong place, blocking the other pieces until they pile up and reach the top of the screen.

“He’s just a regular,” Gray says, watching the words Game Over flash at him across the screen. “Usually Lucy serves him, not me.”

Joel looks over at Gray as he turns the TV off, then sets the remote on the coffee table. Gray’s mind races as he desperately tries to think of what to say to calm Joel down.

“Don’t lie to me,” Joel says quietly.

“H-his name’s Sting,” Gray says, looking back down at his phone. The screen’s gone dark. “I... he’s friendly. The precinct is close to the restaurant, I—there’s nothing, he’s just a customer.”

“I saw how he looked at you today,” Joel says, shaking his head. Gray bites the inside of his cheek, keeping his eyes down. Joel had picked him up from work today, and Gray knows that Sting was watching when Joel had taken Gray’s tips, then grabbed his arm to lead him out to the car.

“He’s engaged,” Gray says, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s only made things worse.

“How do you know that?” Joel demands. “Thought he was ‘just a customer.’” He moves closer to Gray on the sofa, and Gray flinches, but Joel reaches out and grabs his wrist, taking his phone away.

“He brought his fiancé in one day, that’s all,” Gray says as quietly as possible. “I’m not—I just do my job.”

“What, your job involves flirting with other men now?” Joel demands.

Gray shakes his head. “N-no, I—”

“Shut up.” Joel lets go of Gray’s wrist and flips through his phone instead. Gray watches Joel scroll through his texts, then flip to his e-mail.

After a few terrifying minutes, Joel sighs and drops Gray’s phone back on the table.

“I’m sorry, babe,” he says, rubbing his face. “Work’s been a lot lately. I didn’t mean to get mad.”

Gray relaxes incrementally. “Is… can I do anything?” he asks. He’s tried everything to keep Joel happy – cleaning, cooking, making coffee, being quiet. Maybe there’s something he’s missing.

Joel reaches over and runs his hand up Gray’s thigh, then leans in and says, “there might be something.” His voice is low and Gray knows he’s going for sensual, but it makes Gray nauseous. A cold, uncomfortable feeling creeps up the back of his neck.

Joel slides his hand further up, slipping it under Gray’s shirt and shifting closer. Gray closes his eyes, biting his tongue so hard that he tastes blood.

He doesn’t want this.

“C’mon, baby,” Joel murmurs, bringing his other hand up to Gray’s hair and leaning in for a kiss. Gray lets him, trying his hardest not to tense up under Joel’s touch. Ever since the drunken night with Natsu, things with Joel haven’t been the same. Whenever Gray closes his eyes, it’s Natsu’s hands touching him, Natsu’s lips on his neck, Natsu’s body pressing against him.

Joel’s about to pull Gray into his lap when there’s a knock on the door, and Bella races out of the bedroom, barking. The pizza. Gray nearly breathes a sigh of relief.

Joel pulls back from Gray, squeezing his hip before standing up and reaching for his wallet. As he walks out of the living room, Gray wraps his arms tightly around himself and closes his eyes, taking several deep breaths to calm the way his heart’s pounding in his chest.

Joel reappears a minute later, dropping the pizza on the coffee table and sliding back onto the couch. He brushes his fingers across Gray’s cheek and grabs his hips again.

“Now,” he says, voice low in Gray’s ear. “Where were we?”

-----

Gray calls Natsu as soon as Joel leaves for work the next morning.

“What happened?” Natsu asks as soon as he answers. Gray doesn’t say anything, just props the phone up against the headboard and buries his face in the pillow. “Gray?”

He shakes his head.

“Are you okay?” Natsu asks, and Gray can hear the worry in his voice.

Gray’s not sure how to answer. Joel didn’t hit him, but it still hurts. His whole body feels heavy and his skin itches, and it’s hard to open his eyes.

“Gray, please, look at me,” Natsu says gently. “I need to know you’re not hurt.”

“’m okay,” Gray whispers, lifting his head up and rubbing his face before looking at Natsu. “Just tired.”

“What did he do to you?” Natsu asks, and he looks like he’s going to cry.

“I… nothing,” Gray says, sitting up slowly and hugging the pillow to his chest. “I’m not hurt. Promise.”

Natsu studies him intently – it’s hard to catch all his expressions through the crappy connection, but Gray has every part of Natsu’s face memorized. He knows that Natsu gets freckles in the summer, and that there’s a tiny scar under his lip, and that when he laughs, his eyes crinkle and he gets dimples that Gray loves to kiss.

Loved to kiss.

Gray shakes his head and presses his face to the pillow again. “I miss you,” he whispers. “I wish…” He doesn’t want to cry, but he can’t seem to stop it from happening, and he bites the sound down until his shoulders are shaking.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Natsu asks. Gray shakes his head. “Fucking hell… Gray, please, talk to me. I’m scared for you.”

“I can’t,” Gray whispers, wiping his eyes. “I w-want…” He looks up at Natsu, and for just a second, pictures himself in Natsu’s arms. Feels Natsu holding him, kissing his forehead, rubbing his back, wiping his tears.

“Are you alone?” Natsu asks. Gray nods, taking a shaky breath. “I don’t think you should be. Do you have anybody that can come be with you?”

Gray shakes his head. I want to be with you, he thinks.

“Do you want me to call Sting? He can—”

“No,” Gray says quickly, thinking of Joel’s jealous glare and the bruises on his hips. “Please, no.”

“Gray,” Natsu whispers, and he brings the phone closer to himself, as if it would bring Gray closer to him too. “Listen to me, love. You deserve to be happy. Joel is abusing you. He hurts you and makes you afraid – you shouldn’t be scared of somebody you love.”

I know, Gray thinks.

“I…” He’s so close to saying it. So close to asking, to telling Natsu he’s ready to leave this all behind. But it’s terrifying and too much, so instead he says, “can you… can we just talk? About… whatever, it doesn’t matter, I just…”

“Yeah,” Natsu says immediately, voice gentle. “Of course, yeah. Did I tell you about the Halloween party I’m going to?”

-----

They talk for a long time, and when they finally hang up, they both whisper I love you before the picture cuts out. Gray stares at the screen for a long time, then turns the phone off and shoves it back in the table drawer, covering it with a book and some old receipts. Then he curls up on the bed, wrapping his arm around one of the pillows and pressing his face against it.

I love you.

The guilt washes over Gray like it always does, and he lets it hurt. He feels like throwing up because those words are supposed to be for Joel and only Joel. But when Gray says them to Joel, they don’t feel the same.

With Joel, I love you feels like please don’t hurt me.

With Natsu, I love you feels like you’re safe.

Gray remembers the first time he told Natsu he loved him. They’d been dating for three months – it was almost Halloween and Natsu had been lying on Gray’s bed, waving his hands in the air as he talked about costume ideas. His eyes had been bright and his smile had been so wide and sweet, and Gray had leaned over and kissed him, whispering I love you against his lips.

Natsu had immediately said it back, running his fingers through Gray’s hair and rolling them over until he could press Gray into the bed and kiss him all over.

Gray wonders what his life would be like now if Natsu hadn’t left. The thought has crossed his mind before, but he’s never let himself really think about it. It hurts too much, and Gray’s not supposed to want.

Gray curls up tighter, and when he closes his eyes, he sees a house – something small and comfortable and far away from here. Natsu’s cooking pancakes in the kitchen, wearing a stupid apron that has some silly pun written across the front of it. He’s humming along to whatever is playing on the radio, and when he turns to look at Gray, his smile is just as wide as when Gray had first said, “I love you.”

A warm, contented feeling spreads through Gray’s chest, and in the daydream, he reaches out for Natsu, taking both his hands and pulling him close. Natsu kisses Gray's cheek, brushes his hair from his eyes, wraps his hands around Gray’s waist and starts to dance.

You deserve to be happy. Natsu’s words drift through Gray’s mind, and his stomach twists again. He’s abusing you.

Gray takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and peeking over at the bedroom door before whispering, “Joel is… abusive.” He immediately squeezes his eyes shut, holding the pillow tight against him as he lets the words settle. He’s never said it before. Even when Natsu asks, Gray never says the words out loud.

“Joel hurts me,” he tries again, voice so quiet that Bella, who is sleeping beside him, doesn’t stir. “He shouldn’t hit me.”

Something shifts in his chest. The knots are still there, but it’s different, somehow. He wishes he understood what it meant.

“I shouldn’t be scared,” he says quietly. “I deserve to be happy.”

#fairy tail #ftlgbtales #ftlgbtfics #ftlgbtpride2019 #day 16 #gratsu #natray #gray x natsu #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #update #new chapter #tw abuse #prompt #my fic

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