#please make sure you look at Ed Teach everyday for good mental health

[spirker]

Have you looked at this beautiful angel yet today?

[allenmendezsr]

Online Krav Maga Dvd

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    “Already lost 5lbs”

“I’ve been very happy with the program and what I’ve learned so far. I’ve already lost 5 lbs.”

Jonathan T. Aguilar, 36

“Easy yet Effective”

“Well, there were many things that I liked about the program! I like that fact that it’s easy yet very effective. Most of what we learn in Special Forces is more defensive, and you can’t spar with it. Sifu Matt’s program gives you everything!”

Joe Dulmage, Special Forces Solider

“Program motivate me to lose weight”

“I’m 44 years old. I have been taking these classes through Matt. When I started I weighed 196. I now weigh 166. I lost it because the program motivated me. I was sick of only being able to wrestle for 30 seconds before I needed paramedic attention. I don’t have to sit around and waste time learning useless history about some Asian emperor who, 1000 years ago, authorized use of the martial arts for the select few. Really, who cares about that?”

Bob Miller, County Judge

“Extremely Satisfied”

“I would like to add that I am extremely satisfied the quality of the program… very pleased with the overall experience. You run a very good business and I am glad to be part of it.”

Steve Munerantz, 27

“Highly recommended for both men and women”

“My name is Dave Lamoso, I began with EDS in May. When I finally looked into it I decided to give it a try. For health reasons, to lose weight, and to sharpen my fighting techniques. It has been very beneficial. I feel a lot better and healthier overall. When I began this program I weighed in at 236 lbs. Because of continuing programs at EDS, I now weigh in at 198 lbs. I have stopped smoking cigarettes since I have started this program. I will be able to keep my weight under control with the exercise and workouts that I get through EDS. I feel so much better about myself now, I weigh less and I feel a lot stronger. Before I started this program I was always tired and lazy (fatigued). I now have an over abundance of energy. I feel great over all. I have made this a permanent part of my life, I fit my this program in my everyday schedule. I feel guilty if I miss one day. I would highly recommend this program to both men and women.”

Dave Lamoso, 43

“Confidence”

“It was good to touch base with you yesterday. I was just talking with my wife yesterday at how thankful I was to have encountered certain people who have influenced me in a positive and profound way, such as my father, a few important Football coaches, and of course Sifu Master Numrich. Seriously, credit is due where credit is deserved. Thanks for all of your teachings and friendship, as it has been such a positive force in my life. Not to mention the confidence that I have IF I ever get in to a physical confrontation with someone…..let’s just say that I “Pity the fool” who messes with the “Stallion”! Seriously, I just wanted to thank you again, as I don’t forget important things, and it is all much appreciated!”

Mark, Home Inspector and MMA Competitor

“More challenging than expected”

“Awesome program! I wasn’t sure what to expect but it met and exceeded what I wished to get out of it. It was more challenging than I expected… and I expected it to be very challenging!!!”

Eric Peterson, Veterinarian Assistant

“Totally worth it”

“Hey everybody. I just wanted to say this program really works. I have only been taking this program for one month and I feel I have already learned a lot. It was one of the most rewarding feelings I have ever experienced. If I could take a test with only one month’s worth of experience, I feel like I can do anything. This has been totally worth it. Thanks for everything.”

Reinier Marfil

“The cardio and work out are killers”

“Sifu Matt…I love taking your program…the cardio and work out you give us is a killer and that is just what I am looking for each week. Do I even need to say anything about the knowledge you provide your students and staff with. Thanks to all at EDS!!!”

Brian McDougall, Manager

“A humbling experience”

“I would have to call the program a very humbling experience. The people are great and I’m really enjoying it.

Rob Lowery

“Bring pride in continuing tradition”

“Emil Bautista here, a student of Adriano D. Emperado, Kajukenbo and I wish to thank you for helping me recognize Michael McDaniel’s rank within the art he studied with you while in Chicago. This is important to me because he has shown great talent but I unsure as to where he belonged as respect to Kajukenbo and your art. I wanted the students here to respect Michael and also his rank in your art as well as his rank in Kajukenbo. I know where he fits in with respect to our art of Kajukenbo, but not what he studied with you. I knew he was very knowledgeable in your art and I felt he should have something to show for it. But I am not in the habit of going behind anyone’s back and giving rank in any other art but the one I am qualified for Kajukenbo. Michael has helped tremendously with our grappling program and has helped many of our students to win competitions and feel better about themselves with respect to grappling. This is something that was missing from our program and I am very grateful to Michael for sharing his knowledge with us. Our Kajukenbo ranking goes like this; white, purple, blue, green, brown and black and this can take about three to four years to get through the ranks. I know it’s different with your style as Michael has explained to me. I just wanted you to know how very proud I am of Michael and all he has accomplished here. The students really like him and he has a good following for his classes. Please know that Michael is carrying on your tradition very admirably, that I am proud of him and honored that he came from you.”

Grandmaster Emil Bautista, who had one of our students join his school after a move

“Feel energized”

“I had an especially good work out last night. That energized feeling you get the next day after a good hard work out is awesome. Add that to the nice end of summer weather we have today and things are shaping up to be a great day. Just thought I would share.”

Jim McCoy, Attorney

“Great team building and camaraderie”

“My best moment so far had to be this past Tuesday night. I have not had that much fun in a long time. The fun began from the beginning of program. I thought the next day I was not going to be able to work due to the intensity of the class; however, I actually felt like a million bucks the next day. It is funny how a fun evening of getting it handed to me led me to be more active and mentally focused in my professional and personal life. I feel alive again wanting to do more. I can already tell that my wife and daughter can see a change in my attitude. So far I cannot say enough positive things about my experience with this program.”

Jignesh M. Patel, Dentist

“Excellent”

“The lesson was excellent, it helped to review, a few things I think I saw and some feedback from you. Great job and excellent program!”

Jim Kennon, 63, Financial Planner

“No regrets”

“Everything is going great. The lessons are what I was hoping for and more. So I am very pleased with my decision to buy your program.”

Jose Mata, Manager

“Felt comfortable even though I’m still very new”

“It was a great experience Matt. I felt very comfortable even though I’m still very new. I particularly enjoyed the way the info is presented.”

Mike Baldwin, Business Owner

“Worth more than people pay for it”

“The training is worth more than people pay for it, and is the most practical self defense I have seen. I would recommend it to anyone.”

Sam Louflen, student

“Tons of great information”

“Just wanted to say I had a great time. Learned a lot of great information. I wished i had known the curriculum ten years ago, when i was working as bartender at a local pool hall in the city. But that’s another story. Once again thank you for the opportunity to learn this information.”

Marc Johnson, bouncer

“Let go of frustrations go and learn”

“I would like to thank you and EDS. Recently I have felt that life has went full circle and have never felt better.. Less stress and really enjoying life.. Hey I have lost 20 pounds doing it.. Work is going good. Family and friends are great.. and found a great person to share everything, we found each other and WoW… The Lord works in really mysterious ways and I am glad he guided me thru this.”

Beny Rivera, Computer Systems Tech

“He truly cares for my best interest”

“I did a lot of research in the area martial arts programs, and after visiting and trying out various places, I enrolled with Matt Numrich and EDS about 2 years ago. I am extremely happy to report that I made a right choice then, and that even now this is the most perfect program for someone like me. Apart from childhood interest in Martial Arts, I did not have any background in it so I was a total novice. Sifu Numrich and the EDS staff have been able to patiently guide me and train me in all kinds of techniques and skills with personalized attention and guidance, so that now I am at the intermediate level. Being a professional musician and artist who draws from global musical backgrounds, I truly appreciate that Sifu Numrich has in-depth knowledge of all the self defense and fighting styles, and is able to bring the best of it all together in a true continuum of Bruce Lee’s concept and philosophy. I also feel that Sifu Numrich has taken personal interest in making me reach my goals of physical abilities and martial arts skills, as well as, he truly cares for my best interest, and that he has made a positive impact on my life.”

Kalyan Pathak

“Even after almost 8 years”

“I wanted to write you this letter to give thanks to you, because unbeknown to you, have been a mental mentor over the years. Even after almost 8 years I still think back to the training Matt has provided, not just the techniques but mainly the mental capacity. So I wanted to give you the best of luck to you for your recovery and to your good health.”

Chris A. Santi, past student

“Inspiration in a difficult time”

“I just got back from a funeral of a very old and close friend of mine. He had just committed suicide. His death made me feel lost and confused as to how we are to direct our own lives when death reaches us all, regardless of our purpose. Then I started to read your blog and realized that direction of life starts with our own health. Just wanted to say thank you for the words of inspiration in a difficult time.”

Raymond Rimocal

“Great program that it is”

“I was feeling a bit bummed about missing a whole month of training due to work and vacationing with the family, and I was about to ask Sifu Numrich about any possibility of giving me one hour of training to catch me up on the curriculum that I missed. I also want to thank everyone at EDS for making it a great program that it is.”

Kalyan Pathak (second email he wrote in)

“This guy threw 6 punches and never made contact”

“Matt, I got in an altercation with an aggressive guest last night at my restaurant. This guy had about 60lbs on me and was 6 feet tall compared to my 5′ 6″. Thanks to you, this guy threw 6 punches which never made contact. It took 15 to 20 seconds and the fight was over. I can tell you that this guy had no clue what happened to him.”

Walter G. Paiz, Restaurant Manager

“Principles come like second nature”

“Matt has given me the edge I need when comes to a confrontation. Principles are so easy to remember, they come like second nature. This is so important in my line of work. .”

Tom Stephenson, Bouncer

“End any altercation quickly”

“Sifu Matt is straight to the point for law enforcement and civilians alike, allowing anyone to end any altercation quickly.”

Jason Kohl, Police Officer

“My life has totally changed”

“My life has totally changed. You have helped me with my self-confidence & self-awareness. Thanks for being such a positive person in my life.”

Carrie Connors, Teacher

“Price is unbeatable”

“The instruction is of the highest quality, and the price is unbeatable in comparison to other programs.”

Jake Nuesser, 28, Graphic Artist

“I have lost over 15 pounds”

“I needed something other than the boring routine of a health club to get in shape. Since joining classes I have lost over 15 pounds which has made me feel incredible! As a bonus I have greatly improved my cardio and flexibility.”

George Boutsikakis, 43

“Exceeded my expectations”

“I strongly believe every woman should know how to protect herself. Training through Elite Defense Systems helped me gain the physical skills of self-defense along with the mental attributes to avoid conflict. The classes are taught in a fun, informative and non threatening environment by instructors who’s knowledge and skill level exceeded my expectations.”

Susan Mueller, Mother

“Sifu Matt has given me more confidence than I have ever had. Of course I would not have the confidence or the knowledge if it weren’t for the E.D.S. instructors, who are always willing to help and always very patient when teaching new information.”

Christine Tomczak, 26

[notwisenotyet]

advice for starting at uchicago as a first year?

anon, i’m so glad you asked! loooooong (but hopefully useful) ramble below.

first year feelings, aka we all feel sad sometimes and that’s human & okay

i’m not gonna sugarcoat it, fall quarter of first year is an emotional & confusing transition for many people. i think that’s inherent to adjusting to college anywhere because it’s a period of such dramatic change. if you find yourself feeling lonely and homesick and overwhelmed, that is SO normal. it gets better with time. 

what makes me believe i chose the right college is that for the most part, we’re upfront about when we’re struggling. yeah, that can manifest as memes about crying in public, but it’s very real. everyone’s in a little over their head at times. if you’re having a rough time and suffering from imposter syndrome i PROMISE you are not alone.

sidenote: the meme page is ESSENTIAL to student culture and you should join if you haven’t yet. i’m dead serious.

further sidenote: yes, i did cry in public on multiple occasions during fall quarter of my first year. i did such a good job convincing myself that i was transitioning to college smoothly that i didn’t realize i wasn’t until the feelings i wasn’t acknowledging just…..spilled everywhere. i learned a lot about myself and the importance of being okay with not being okay! the number one thing you can do for yourself as a first year is learn to tell the difference between growing pains that will fade on their own and genuine sadness. i’m still figuring that out, but noticing your emotions and trying to trace them to their source is a good place to start!

if you’re sad, don’t be sad alone. call your parents! talk to your RA! drag yourself to your house table when all you want to do is curl up in a ball of blankets! hiding is tempting, but reaching out to other people in whatever way works for you is what actually helps.

disclaimer: i say all of that in the context of everyday struggle. if you feel not yourself for weeks on end, college is a common time for mental health issues to surface. or you could just be having a really hard time adjusting! either way, talk to someone you trust to figure out what you can do about it. don’t wait to feel “bad enough” before seeking help. once you realize there’s a problem, it’s your job to do something about it.

having a social life

if you can, make friends with your housemates. it is such a relief to have people to come home to. they don’t have to be your best friends, but they can be if you’re lucky. 

making friends will be easier than you think. do your best not to stress about it and instead focus on all the awesome new people you’re meeting! don’t feel pressured to make tons of friends right away or to stick with your o-week friends forever. it can take time to find your niche, but you will, and it’ll be worth it. (general rule of thumb: if it’s in any way nerdy, someone else here is into it and will be VERY EXCITED to do that thing with you.) 

try to find at least one extracurricular that you can commit to. studying full time isn’t healthy or productive and moving into the reg will NOT make you a better student. 

make a point of getting off campus regularly. there’s a lot of city to explore, so make good use of that upass! google maps and transit are super helpful apps if you’re new to navigating the cta. 

study groups/friends in your classes who you can text in a panic the night before a pset or lab report is due will save your life. in every class i’ve taken so far, it’s been us against the material rather than us against each other. help your classmates when they’re struggling and they’ll return the favor.

important! because first year is so turbulent and your identity is still solidifying (see First Year Feelings section above), dating early in the year is in most cases a bad idea, ESPECIALLY dating upper years. i have seen exceptions that work but others go horribly wrong, because often someone who wants to get involved with you at a time when you’re vulnerable is willing to exploit that vulnerability. focus on yourself first. if they’re worth it, they’ll wait for you to be ready to start a relationship. 

we aren’t a party school. you can find parties if you seek them out, but i don’t think it’s worth it usually, especially not bar night.

keep an eye on your habits: if you find yourself leaning on alcohol to cope with stress or can’t go a weekend without it, that should set off warning bells. same goes for your friends.

if your gut’s telling you something is wrong, don’t ignore it. if you see someone harassing people, report them to a monitor or host. if you feel unsafe, leave. use the buddy system.

on parties during o-week: they exist. please be careful! last year a bunch of first years were hospitalized for alcohol poisoning and related injuries during o-week because they didn’t know their limits. that’s a horrible way to start your college experience.

academics 

no matter how good you were at school before, you will have weeks where you have too many things happening at once. suddenly, just writing something for each question on an exam or getting just above average will be a victory. what i’m trying to say here is that you can’t waltz into your first year expecting to get all As, which you probably know, but that doesn’t prepare you for the actual experience of it. do your best! just remember that you can (and probably should) change what your personal ideal of success looks like. grade deflation and perfectionism don’t mix well. 

study smart, not hard—figure out what that means for you and do it. in a perfect world, i would rewrite all my notes, read ahead in my textbooks, and know everything, but i don’t have that kind of time, and neither will you. this of course varies, but know that most classes here prioritize ability, whether that’s reasoning through problems/contributing to discussions/writing really solid papers, over memorized knowledge.

if a particular lecture isn’t useful for your learning and they don’t take attendance, you don’t have to go. i did this with my chem and math classes last year. it worked out for me BUT that’s because i had a lot of prior knowledge from high school in those subjects, plus i was careful to study on my own to keep up. definitely go to the first few lectures to get a feel for the class. i would not (!!!!!) advise doing this in classes that either don’t teach from the textbook or don’t give you lecture notes/slides to study from.

big assignments like papers, problem sets, or lab reports? do NOT start them the night before they’re due. don’t give into that kind of hubris. you will regret it. this has been a psa. 

if you’re struggling in a class, do something about it! my first quarter, i met with my hum professor to go over every single one of my essay drafts and practically lived in the ta office hours for my bio class. you can also go to the harper tutors or reach out to older housemates. 

have a planning system of some kind. doesn’t matter what as long as you write down your deadlines and appointments somewhere, because you will forget things otherwise! 

buy textbooks as cheaply as possible. the campus bookstore WILL rip you off; if you’re buying used, it’s better to look on amazon. if it’s a work with multiple translations like the odyssey, be sure you’re getting the right one! intro science classes like chem or bio will often have pdfs floating around—ask someone who’s taken them. 

AVOID EARLY MORNING CLASSES AT ALL COSTS. i ended up in a 8:30 chem lecture last year and it was absolutely awful. you have to REALLY be a morning person to be a morning person in college. 

sleep is so, so important. it may be unrealistic to get 8 hours of sleep a night, but aim for 6 if you can and then catch up on weekends. work ahead so you don’t have to pull all-nighters. the quarter system waits for no one, even the sleep-deprived. 

read class evaluations! professors with amazing evals usually live up to them; so do professors with awful evals. choose carefully. unfortunately, these are only available for core classes and lower-level electives—most bio major classes, for example, conduct internal evaluations that aren’t published, so you’re shooting in the dark when you register for a class unless you can find someone who’s taken it before. 

even if you don’t know what to major in, it helps to sit down and go through the catalog and pull together a vague plan of what classes you want to take when (get familiar with the catalog! the catalog is your new best friend). that way you aren’t scrambling when prereg comes around and you have no idea what classes to list. know what gen ed requirements you’ll need for all of your potential majors. 

also on the note of preregistration, as a first year you’re required to have academic advising meetings every quarter. SCHEDULE THEM EARLY. if you miss the deadline (i think it’s the end of seventh week?) you get locked out of preregistration and have to fight to get into classes during add/drop period. 

if you DO know what you want to major in, don’t just be complacent in that choice—seek out students who have done it and figure out what you’re signing up for! take a class in the department to try it out early if you can! i threw myself headfirst into biology and english as soon as possible and found out very quickly that english was not the major for me but bio was, and i’m trying to do the same with neuroscience this fall. 

there is no shame is dropping a class or an RSO. same for changing your major, etc. you’re not quitting; you’re evolving. you’re allowed to change your mind.

metcalf internships! internships where you do real work for real money! apply for them! applications for summer jobs open in winter quarter, so start thinking how you want to spend your summer early. if you need to work during the school year, some popular options include the neighborhood schools program (NSP), libraries, or one of our many student-run coffee shops. 

if your field is one that emphasizes research, there are SO many labs on campus. email PIs with genuine interest in their work and you have decent odds they’ll take you seriously. often, you can also apply for summer fellowship program or other sources of funding. protip: when reaching out to labs, it helps to first meet with someone you’ve taken a class with in the department to get an idea of who has space for & interest in training undergrads.

living on campus

on food: bartlett is objectively the worst dining hall; an argument can be made for either baker or cathey being the best imo. grounds of being, which is in the basement of swift hall aka the div school, is the best cafe full stop.

don’t bother with the $1 milkshakes! just go to medici, lovingly known as the med, instead (i recommend the mexicana shake).

there’s tons of libraries and cafes on campus to explore, each with their own unique vibe. i recommend figuring out which study spots work for you and rotating so you don’t get sick of any one place. also: don’t be the person who’s way too loud in designated quiet areas. we all hate that person.

invest in good winter gear if you can because chicago wind does NOT mess around. i’ve nearly been blown over crossing the midway. layers are key! my dead-of-winter uniform is fleece-lined leggings under jeans, well-insulated boots with warm socks, a warm sweater, a scarf that i can hide my face in, and a reliable jacket.

also worth it: rain boots! the huge puddles that form all over the campus sidewalks as soon as it rains are the butt of many a “this is why we need an engineering department” joke.

the way i think of it, there are two uchicagos: the image administration works so hard to project to the rest of the world, and the real & flawed place you are about to become a living, breathing part of. they often clash. work to understand the system you’re entering: the impact the university has on surrounding communities, the econ department’s involvement in global conflicts, the grad student union’s long fight with administration, why minorities and sexual assault survivors are angry about the way they’ve been treated here. you can do your part to make this campus and this school better if you just open your eyes to see the things that need improving.

tips for o-week

don’t skip mandatory orientation events—odds are you’ll have to make them up later when it’s a lot less convenient. even the events that feel stupid (do they still have the workshop where they teach you to make eye contact and say hi to people?? and the giant rock paper scissors tournament?) are a bonding experience that you’ll be joking about for months to come.

use this time to learn how to navigate campus. look up and find the buildings you have class in so you aren’t lost and panicked once classes actually start. the digital campus map will be handy for this.

there’s a bunch of free events during o-week. the logan party features a lot of cool performing arts RSOs, plus there’s a free acapella showcase monday of first week! it’s rare to catch these groups for free. i really encourage checking those events out, plus any others you find interesting.

oof. that ended up being a lot. tl;dr:

try new things! make new friends! this is the time!

keep tabs on your emotional & mental health so you aren’t taken by surprise when things come up.

be ready to adjust your habits & expectations re academics.

you’re responsible for making the best choices you can for yourself. if something is wrong, it’s your job to do something to change it.

you were admitted for a reason. there will be times when you doubt it, but that doesn’t change the fact that you belong here. you’re capable. 

looking back over it, i realize that the tone of my response here might not read as super positive, but i really do like it here! i hope you will too. feel free to reach out with any more questions.

[childpsychnurse-blog]

The Stories We Tell

*Disclaimer: all names and identifying information about patients have been modified. Please see “About and Disclaimer” for more information.

We can get wrapped up in a kid’s story and presentation and forget that they exist in an environment all their own, and their family lives this. I have a job and everyday I make a choice to go to work, even if I don’t want to. I can quit and go work somewhere else. When my shift ends, I leave.

Patients and families don’t usually have that choice.

One day I was charge nurse, and during hand off the night charge wanted to put a dad on my radar. A young girl I’ll call *Katie had admitted late the night before (or that morning, if you will) and gone to sleep very late. Around 430 am, another patient woke up. This peer is particularly loud and has been on our unit for a while. I like him, but he can be annoying and only has one volume. Long story short, peer is loud, Katie and dad wake up, dad comes out frustrated, peer begins banging on Katie’s door and screaming (negative attention-seeking), peer is ultimately relocated and dad is reported to (not unreasonably) be mad and in need of a check-in from the charge nurse.

Great.

I worked an extra Thursday in addition to my regular Friday-Sunday stretch, so this is my fourth 12-hour shift in a row. The day before had a big restraint event, which is traumatic for everyone, some comments from a coworker that had set me off however much I tried not to take things personally, and I’d left not feeling particularly great. I slept about 5 hours and I’m tired and have a headache. To be honest, right now I’m a far shot from my best version of myself. And I’m not particularly interested in having another “I’m sorry, yes I understand you’re concerned about our ability to keep your daughter safe, this peer is very sick and we did move him, I’m sorry, we’re basically a mental health ED so sometimes this happens but it sucks and we’re going to do everything we can to keep it from happening again” conversation with a dad. Yes, it’s fair that he’s miffed, but you’re on a pediatric psych unit, come on.

But this is my job and ultimately I’m choosing to be here and this dad and his daughter don’t exactly have a choice. (Legally they probably do, depending on the case, but what I mean is that there isn’t a safer option for them and they know it. This particular girl is suicidal and can’t commit to being safe and dad can’t keep her safe, so they’re here whether they like it or not.) This entire family is in crisis and they definitely don’t want to be here either. They’re probably scared and sleep-deprived and still in shock from whatever horrible crisis event brought them to our unit in the first place. So I’m gonna put on big girl pants and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I finish my hand-offs and time-sensitive morning tasks. I walk back to the nursing station and one of the night coaches stops me.

“Hey, Katie’s dad is waiting for a check-in, are you going to talk to him?”

Yup. Great. On it. Now apparently. Cool.

I walk into the room and introduce myself. Dad shakes my hand and tells me his name. He looks pretty neutral and he waits for me to speak. I sit on the bed across from him and remind myself how much it really really sucks for this family that they have to be here and how scary it must be. This is my job and I’m used to screaming kids and picking coping skills to deal with them. Most people are not.

“I’m so sorry about what happened this morning. I know you all got in super late and I’m sure it was the last thing you and Katie needed. We are moving that friend’s room so hopefully it won’t happen again. Again, I’m really sorry.”

Dad nods. “I know where we are. I get it.” He looks down, then back at me. “We were here in *March. But my worry is she’s worse.” Oh. He doesn’t actually care about the peer. That was a symptom of something else. I nod and make mmm-hmming noises, so he continues. “Now her mom and I are going through a divorce. It’s amicable, I mean, we’re talking and all, but I know it affects Katie.”

Dad looks like he might cry. I lean forward. “There’s so much going on. And it’s so hard that she’s here, that she needs to be.” I hear you. You’re not crazy. This sucks.

Dad nods. “Mom doesn’t want her here, but I just think she needs to be. I want her to be safe. I want her to get better. I don’t know what to do.”

I nod again. “We will keep her safe. We can’t fix everything, but we can keep her safe. Get her to a place where she’s safe enough to get the resources she needs at home.”

We talk a little more and I make sure he knows about the resources and teams we have for families on the unit. I offer him water and ask if he needs anything else. I don’t have a ton of groundbreaking things to say, but I’m there and he appreciates it. I let him know I’ll be on the unit until 730 pm if he needs me and he thanks me.

We work in a stressful environment by nature. Sometimes we forget that we’re human. Sometimes we forget that everyone else is human. We start telling ourselves stories in our heads and those stories become facts and change the way we see others and interactions.

But when we look at them, we see what they are: stories. Sometimes there’s truth to them and we have them for a reason, but they are not facts.

The story I was telling myself, under layers of consciousness and thought patterns and processes, was that this dad was going to be an unreasonable jerk. This wouldn’t exactly have been a fair assessment even if he WAS mad, but regardless a part of my brain had already categorized him in a way that ended up being very wrong.

Well, that’s humbling.

Later that day, a call for support comes over our walkies, aka “we need a charge nurse or somebody to help with something right now.” I find Katie lying on the ground in our hallway, dad sitting behind her. She’s gasping and sobbing and not responding verbally. Either a panic attack or a flashback, I’m not completely sure what. Looks more like a flashback. Damn.

I crouch down by her and am careful not to touch her or lean over her. Soft voice, short sentences, even affect. “Katie, you’re safe. You’re in [the] hospital. I’m [the] nurse and dad is here. You’re safe. Nice deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out.”

You’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe. Every few seconds, and orienting her to where she is and who is here. Reminding her to breathe. We have to wait these out.

Flashbacks suck. The reality that kids have PTSD from trauma and have flashbacks to begin with sucks. It really really sucks.

Gradually her breaths deepen and her gasps slow. “Katie, can you here me?”

Her head moves up and down ever so slightly.

Again. “You’re safe. You’re in the hospital with [me] the nurse and dad. You’re safe.”

Her eyes open slightly.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter and so you have some privacy?”

This time, a definite nod.

“Ok, let’s sit up slowly. Dad’s coming up from behind to support your back. My arm is right here if you want to grab it but I won’t touch you.”

We get Katie and dad moved and I let them have some space while they both recover. I pop out of the nursing station every few minutes to get them things and check in.

Dad has to go. He tells me and Katie this when I come out. “Katie, your mom is coming in half an hour. I have [your brother] tonight so I can’t spend the night.” Katie starts crying and dad rushes to continue. “But if mom can’t stay tonight we’ll figure it out. I’ll come back. I promise. I’ll come back. We’ll make it work.”

Katie presses into his chest and he holds her tight. “You’re in good hands, Katie.” Then he looks at me. “You’re in very very good hands.”

Shit, I’m gonna cry.

I didn’t do much. I was just there. And I had a bad attitude about this guy this morning without even meeting him.

“We’ll take care of you Katie, ok? I promise.”

Sometimes my patients and their families teach me more than I teach them. Frequently my patients and their families teach me more than I teach them.

I walk dad off the unit and he goes home to a house without his daughter with a heaviness and sadness in his heart that won’t easily fade. I finish my shift, manage aggressive events with other patients, change orders, write plans, check-in with staff and make sure THEY have what they need, and eventually I handoff to the nights’ crew. I’m reminded that the coworker who upset me the day before is going to a funeral. Well there was another story I told myself. Glad I waited to say anything about it. I go home and I’m carrying the weight of a different event, a different patient, a different story and set of facts. I kiss my husband, walk my puppy, eat dinner and have a beer. Work comes home with me, sometimes, but even so my little corner of the world is pretty stable right now and I’m downright lucky.

I think about that patient and dad later though. I hope we can help them get what they need, for now. It will be a long road ahead and we’re just a little stop on the way.

But maybe I can and have touched them in some way, however small, and just helped them feel heard and cared for. Even if the truth is that I’m crabby and flawed just like everyone else. Maybe I haven’t. But either way, being a tiny part of these stories, the real stories and not the ones we tell ourselves in our heads, being present with people at what is often their absolute worst and one of the hardest things they’ve been through, that is one of the greatest honors I can imagine.