#please love my awful photoshopped skills

[watmalik]

Happy for bi buck and tommy but this will be hilarious if it happens next week 😌

[2handsslan]

charles leclerc | cl16 fic recs

———————————— 🏎️🏎️ ————————————

one shots

home is wherever you are - @katsu28

“secretly falling in love with your best friend is tough. secretly falling in love with your best friend who also happens to be your roommate is even less than ideal. the solution? move out!”

the honorary wag - @harrysfolklore

“yn has always been known as 'the honorary wag', since she's kika's best friend and adored by all the other wags, but what happens when the girls want her to become an official wag? a bet to get her and charles together before kika and pierre's wedding sounds like a plan”

feels like sabotage - @5sospenguinqueen

“the grid have decided that this is the season to see who can injure yn the most. (not intentionally, they all feel terrible about it). fed up of seeing his girlfriend injured, charles decides to enact revenge”

after all - @scuderiahoney

“charles is a lot of things. he’s determined, hardworking, a bit of a self sacrificing dumbass. he’s kind, talented, humble, confident, soft. he’s your best friend, your closest confidant, the person you would trust with your life. and, according to everyone who’s ever seen the two of you together, he’s madly in love with you”

sign here… wait, what?! - @neferaskingdom

“two strangers hit the courthouse for a ticket and a typo fix—next thing you know, they’re accidentally married. chaos, a clerk who couldn’t care less, and a fiancée on the verge of a meltdown, convinced it’s all some evil plot. spoiler: it’s not”

it’s not you, it’s your pants - @neferaskingdom

“girl roasts charles leclerc’s tragic pants online, then accidentally crashes into him in monaco. cue spilled coffee, fashion rants, and an existential crisis about how her life turned into a wattpad fanfic in under five minutes”

accidental interactions- @inevesgf

“in which you and charles can’t stop running into each other after one minor incident”

series

a house, a home series - @vetteltea

“a loveless marriage usually comes after years, not before. you've always loved him, his best friend has always loved you”

deal series - @golden-cherry

“your whole life has gone to shit. your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it's his apartment”

the winner takes all series - @silverstonesainz

“one win, one loss. how does it all unfold, and how will it all come together?”

the smallest man who ever lived series - @monzabee

“the one where you’re thrown into a conundrum when you learn the news of your husband, charles’, infidelity”

smau

the chapter of charles - @l4nd0n0rr1s - smau

“in which charles leclerc falls in love with y/n the booktuber”

ferrari at heart - @fastandcarlos - smau

“as your interest in f1 grows, so does your interest in a certain ferrari driver”

wrong number - @ham1lton - smau

“nothing. maybe just ignore my awful photoshop skills. also is this based on a real interaction of mine? yes. this is just a crackfic, don’t take it seriously at all please”

notes - @hugleclerc - smau

"lando's sister starts posting notes she gets from a secret boy"

the king of monza can do what he wants - @astonmartinii - smau

"the king of monza can win the race, have his relationship exposed and challenge his soon-to-be father-in-law to a duel, he can do what he wants"

she devil - @norris55s - smau

“the one where y/n is charles' ice cold teammate, and she melts”

*these are part of my fic rec masterlist, please note none of these are written by me and the author of each story had been tagged! check out my f1 fic rec masterlist for other drivers!*

[allycat75]

I don't know why, but I still hope there is time for you, Boston Dumb Fuck. I hope you deserve the consideration and kindness still offered you.

Despite what you may think, I am actually rooting for you. I think you got tangled up in something nefarious that was bigger than you thought and didn't have the proper people around you or the coping skills to get you out. But the decisions and their ensuing consequences are still your own, so let me remind you why I am here and why I will continue to push you (not that I think you are reading my posts. I am just screaming into a void):

You roped us all into this by trying to convince us you are happy in a relationship when it is obvious to almost anyone you don't like her. You maybe thought you were helping the cause by doing a bad job, but that act to save yourself came crashing down on your observant fans, hard. Because when we pointed out the many obvious inconsistencies, we were branded as crazy and jealous. Then there is the gaslighting with changing timelines, photoshopped pictures, sightings and non-sightings, poorly acted jump scares and general mindfuckery. You can't now un-invite us to the party because you don't like what we are saying about the ambiance, like a spoiled brat at her Sweet Sixteen celebration. We will defend ourselves from lies and manipulation and not accept the labels of "unhinged", "bully", "crusty old hag", "mentally unstable" or "delulu" (among others)

She is an awful person and by tying yourself to her like this you implicitly approve of her racism, antisemitism, fatshaming, arrogance, clout-chasing and entitlement, forever. That hypocrisy cannot go unnoticed considering your former stances on these subjects and your role as the face of ASP. The site may be useless and bland on its own, but politics is full of people talking out of both sides of their mouths, and you have made the platform potentially polarizing at a time when we need serious, clear discussions with no distractions

The fact that you look absolutely miserable and discuss your life as if it is not your own is more than a little unnerving. This is in no way to shame you, but rather out of a genuine concern for your safety and why you did this to yourself when you had every opportunity provided (hence, the "Dumb Fuck"). You have talent, but are wasting it on brain-dead pap because you seem afraid of depth and unearthing something blocked deep within your psyche

Show how your behavior parallels the issues of the world at large and how we accept things we shouldn't. We have kept quiet about unchecked privlege, intent vs. impact, performative activism, being child-like vs. childish, ageism, greed, mental illness and wellness, the power and weaponry of sexuality, toxic masculinity and misogyny, generational wealth, integrity, alternative facts and emotional truths, misinformation and disinformation, value placed on hard work, attributes of healthy relationships, preciousness of time, and the effects we have on our fellow mortals, all of which has got us to now, on the brink of societal destruction. And we see this epitomized in the microcosm of your shitshow

And I don't care if this is just how it is done in Hollywood. It shouldn't be- it's dumb, dangerous, unethical and doesn't work. Movies used to not have sound and Harvey the Hutt used to be a free and powerful man. Things evolve!

So please do better and until you do, I will be supporting you and calling you out on your shit. It's called tough love, and it may not be for everyone, but it is the tactic I am using for now. Anyone who disagrees has every right to block and/or ignore me. The only one I wish to debate any of this with is the BDF himself, and he ain't listening.

[mypunkpansexualtwin]

Hello 😳 I’m here for the himbo bard please 🤲🏻

Yes!! Hi Lou! The lad himself! Thyris Awe Griswold, bard extraordinaire (kinda) and Lucy's other future spouse because he and Thaavia are kind of a package deal. (Don't let those first two rough photoshops fool you, he's definitely not short, he's 6'0, he's just also a sucker for the absurdly tall, prickly ones.)

He's fun! Raised by a pair of halfling shepards along side their daughter after losing his biological family to an ambush as an infant. He's been hunting down leads on the biological family (doesn't consider them his real family, his real family are the folks who raised and love him) after finding out at about 15 years old that he's technically more magical than your average tiefling and he wants to know what the fuck is going on with his bloodline. He's got some strong blue draconic sorcerery that is the sole source of his magic (given that our setting doesn't have True Bardic Magic, it's a lost art, his "bard" levels are flavored as his sorcery turning bard shaped through his own practice).

He's very sweet and earnest, an utterly devoted hopeless romantic who finds something to love about half the people he meets, especially Thaavia and Lucy. (As mentioned, he's a sucker for a tsundere who's actually taller than him, and being 6' with a penchant for high heels, that second bit isn't the easiest standard to meet.) Not full on stereotypical slutty bard, but not far off either. He walks the line between Himbo and "was probably a golden retriever in a past life" like an acrobat on a tightrope. Skilled player of the hurdy-gurdy and the wooden tongue drum, uses his music to enhance his storytelling, uses his magic to enhance his music, and uses his overall vibe as a performer to come across as unassuming and unthreatening as possible. Definitely no slouch in a fight, though, and can be downright vicious when cornered.

First met Thaavia about 10 years before campaign start after he got his nose broken by the father of his latest lover (admittedly after talking the man down from outright gutting him) and Thaavia fixed it. By walking up to him and resetting it without so much as a word of greeting or warning. After the pain wore off, he offered to buy her and her brother breakfast as thanks, mentioned they were traveling in the same direction, and after a lot of warming up to him, they've been completely devoted to each other ever since. He and Thaavia are in an open relationship given that their respective goals keep taking them in different directions, but plan on settling down together eventually.

First met Lucy (sorta?) in the battle royale we had over the last month or so, except the Lucy he met was a future AU version of the man who was a time wizard and had already been married to Thyris for A While. In-game, they haven't actually met yet, but it's definitely gonna be interesting having them meet up and have Thyris half recognize Lucy as he is as the weird older tiefling calling him pet names and saving his life from the weird alternate dimension arena and all the shit in it that wanted to pull him apart like a twizzler.

Jury (and by that I mean the DM) is undecided on whether or not he and Thaavia have a daughter, but regardless of what happens in regard to that decision, their 8 y/o goliefling daughter Velita will always have a place in my heart.

[dandelionflower]

(Some salt fic september)

Francois DuPont was an artistic school. With talented students varying from designers, to journalists, to DJs, to comic artists and writers. The art room of the school was always the busiest, the loudest, and the favorite room of the school.

So it would make sense for the school to have a yearly showcase. It was called a talent show once upon a time, but eventually the staff and students agreed that ‘talent show’ didn’t suit the talents the students were bringing to the table. Thus, the Francois DuPont showcase was born.

Students worked for months on their piece for the showcase. More than fifty percent of the works in the art room were pieces for the showcase.

It wasn’t mandatory by any means, but most students with a talent in the arts would participate. But with almost all the students participating and some having more than one piece to showcase, the show usually lasted a few days.

Lila, of course, didn’t know any of that so when asked if she was participating in the showcase in a few months, she grinned and said “Of course!”

Alya lit up. “Great! It’s going to be my first showcase too, and I want someone who knows what I’m going through. C’mon, we have to sign up.” And she dragged her into the halls.

Sign up? But it’s in three months. Lila shrugged and allowed herself to be pulled to the sign up sheets.

Alya immediately wrote her name underneath the ‘verbal’ column, putting a ‘journalism’ next to it.

Lila surveyed the options. The easiest thing to fake would probably be photography, so she marked her name under ‘media’ and wrote a ‘photography’ next to it.

“Ooh, photography? What do you take pictures of? Because I know Mari’s been looking for a partner to take pictures of her designs with her.”

Lila bit back a grimace. “Thanks, but I prefer to take pictures of...” Art? Buildings? “Nature. I find that taking pictures of people is narcissistic as a society.”

“Aren’t you a model?” A judgmental voice came from behind her.

“I- well-“ She stuttered.

“It’s completely different, Felix! Lila doesn’t think her photo shoots are art worthy, she’s just doing it as a job.” Alya snapped, throwing an arm out to almost shield Lila from the chill radiating from Felix’s entire person.

“Very well.” Felix stepped around the two and signed his name in perfect cursive beneath Lila’s name and walked away without another word.

“That guy gives me the creeps.” Alix remarked as she scratched her name under the ‘performance’ column, then the ‘piece of art that cannot be moved’ section.

“And he’s doing photography too! Don’t worry Lila, there’s no way he’s better than you.” Alya grabbed her arm reassuringly and began walking with her back to class.

“Yeah, right...” Lila held in a wince as she found her way back to her seat.

Surely photography can’t be that hard.

—

It was that hard.

Lila had waited one week before the showcase to start taking pictures on her phone. She walked to the park and snapped a few pictures, called it a day, and went home.

They were terrible. Blurry, ugly, terrible.

The next thing she tried was looking up stock images and photoshopping the watermark off.

She was awful at photoshop.

Finally, she resorted to her escape plan.

“Sorry, Alya. But I completely forgot that I’m volunteering at the elementary school all day on the day of the showcase, and I can’t just cancel on them. I’m so sorry.”

“Girl, it’s no problem! Marinette told me that the showcase is going to go on for four days. We’ll just reschedule your slot. It’s no problem at all.”

“Great.” She muttered through gritted teeth. “See you then.”

...crap.

She had only one plan now.

And it was risky.

—

Lila walked into class on Monday, prepared for her showcase.

She explained to Alya that when she explained what was going on to the leader of her organization, they gave her a rain check.

“I’m just so thankful.” She brushed away a tear. “I really wanted to make sure I could see everyone’s talents.”

“That’s so sweet!” Rose cooed. “I can’t wait to see your pictures either!”

“I just hope they correctly portray the beauty of my subject...” Lila pressed a hand to her chest in modesty.

“Students, I need all of the media students to come to the art classroom with your flash drives and cameras.” Miss Bustier put her phone down and smiled. “And anyone who paired with a media student for their talent please also join the students in the art room.”

Lila stood and gave everyone a hug. “Wish me luck!”

She noticed Sabrina stand as well and accept a half hearted hug from Chloe and a nod of support from Max. Juleka stood too and hugged Rose tight.

“Bye Alya! Wish me luck.” Marinette appeared from seemingly nowhere and hugged Alya tight. “And don’t be worried about your presentation. We’ll find some time to rehearse before tomorrow.”

“Thanks girl. Look after Lila for me? She’s just as new as I am.”

Marinette’s eyes darkened for just a second, but she quickly broke into a grin. “No problem. And don’t be worried, Lila. I’m sure your photos are just unimaginable.”

“Thanks Marinette. That’s just so sweet of you.” They linked arms and waltzed out of the room.

The moment they were out of eye shot of any of their classmates, they stepped aside.

“You don’t even have pictures, do you?” Marinette growled.

“What do you mean Marinette? Of course I have pictures.” She smirked. Or at least, I will in just a minute.

—

The art room was bustling and chaotic. Perfect for a camera or flash drive to go missing.

Marinette was bombarded by a group of kids from Felix’s class.

“Ready to see the product of our hard work?” A girl with two dark buns on the top of her head asked.

“I hope so.” She gave them a bashful smile.

Lila stopped paying attention. She had a goal in mind.

Her eyes landed on an expensive looking camera sitting on a desk at the side of the room. A sitting duck.

With a side glance for witnesses, Lila walked right by the camera and slipped the memory card right out and into her awaiting palm.

With her goal met, she sat primly in her chair, waiting for them to be called to the stage.

“Alright, photographers, models, actors, directors!” The art teacher stood. “Let’s go!”

Lila skipped up to him, a look of concern on her face. “Sir?”

“Yes Lila?”

“My camera broke on my way here and all I have left of it is my memory card; is there still a way for me to present my photos?”

“Of course there is. Don’t you worry a bit.”

“Perfect!” She grinned.

Once backstage, each student needed to give the teacher their SD cards or cameras and wait to be called onstage to describe their works to the audience.

Lila spared a quick glance towards the onlookers. Talent scouts of every kind were sitting in plush, reserved seats, notebooks and pens at the ready.

She was the first one up, the first one they would see and, unless she used all of her charisma and improvising skill, the first one they would forget.

“...and now, Lila Rossi with her photography!”

Lila strutted out to the greetings of applause.

“Hello, and let me just say I am so honored to be here today, especially considering that a year ago I wasn’t expected to be able to walk to school every day. Photography was really the only thing that got me through the day.”

A murmur of pity rippled through the crowd.

“Pictures like this one.” She pressed the clicker and a picture appeared on the screen behind her.

A picture of one Marinette Dupain-Cheng, mid-twirl in a beautiful hand-made dress.

Lila heard Alya gasp.

“I wanted to show simultaneously the mundanity of walking and the undeniable splendor of it. My dear friend Marinette had some designs she was willing to model for me to help achieve my goal. Marinette, come on out!” She held a hand out, daring Marinette to come out from where she was waiting to go next along with her other friends.

Felix stood behind her with a look of horror and disgust on his face; and a particularly fancy camera hanging around his neck. A very familiar camera.

“No? Okay then.” She turned back to the crowd. “She’ll be out with a different group; Mari doesn’t want me to have to share the spotlight, isn’t she sweet?”

The crowd applauded and Lila continued making up technical terms and thought processes for each photo, all of which were of Marinette in different designs.

“Thank you.” She bowed deep before walking off the stage.

Now to hold her breath and hope that Marinette, Felix and all their friends were too chicken to call her out onstage.

—

“Now, with their short film; ‘solving love,’ please welcome Bridgette Cheng, Claude Lambert, Mercury Bernard, Allegra Harthorn, Felix Culpa, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

“Hey everybody!” A boy with brown hair and a blue striped shirt grabbed the mic and shouted. “How are we doing today?”

A scattered amount of applause.

“Nice! I’m Claude, and this is Bridgette.”

The girl with the buns waved.

“We were the main idea folks for this video; but the idea only came after the filming.”

Bridgette grabbed the mic. “We asked out friends if we could film them, and then a few weeks ago, we reviewed the film and noticed something... interesting.”

“Allegra here,” a girl with a long blonde braid waved, “did the music and Mercury,” a boy with dark glasses and a green beret, “did the narration. You’ll be seeing more of them soon. My cousin Mari,” Marinette waved, “and Felix are the main subjects of the film. You would have seen more of them, but for some reason Felix’s memory card went missing.”

Lila swallowed, this wasn’t great. The seeds of dissent were planted and now she had to risk either spinning another fake story or hoping that it all went well.

It’s not like they had any proof though; she should be fine.

“Anyway, here’s ‘Solving Love.’”

They all stepped to the side and the video began with a smooth piano.

“Love.” The screen showed couples going up to Andre’s and sharing ice cream. “The answer to everything. To ourselves, to the meaning of life, to the questions we cannot ask.”

“But how? How do we get from complete strangers, to people so close they are the same person?” The video changed to a showing of Marinette and Felix shaking hands, both with sardonic smirks. “People rarely get to see the entire process of when people fall in love; there are always pieces missing, hidden moments only for the people in question to recall. Love is left for the investigator to discover for themselves, when the time is right.”

“But maybe,” it showed Marinette talking animatedly, as Felix yawns beside her, “maybe one day, we’ll be lucky enough to see most of the picture.” Felix’s eyes droop and his head falls to rest atop Marinette’s, in the beginnings of a nap. Marinette flushes red.

The rest of the video shows the stages of Marinette and Felix’s relationship, from sarcastic rivals, to peers, to friends, to partners. The narrator described different relationships and how love is a constant through all of them.

The video showed Marinette dancing, twirling in a brilliant dress as Felix kneels and snaps pictures. “Ah, but is this all of it?” They lean down for a swift kiss. The image pauses there. “The full picture? Or is it only a snapshot,” the screen lights up white, “a minor clue, to solving love?”

The auditorium was quiet for what seemed like minutes. Then, the room burst into uproarious applause; a standing ovation.

Lila growled as she turned to sulk and maybe get her makeup so she could fake an injury and get some pity points to heal her bruised ego.

She ran face first into the grey suit of Mr. Damocles.

“Oh, hello sir.” She beamed. “Is there a problem?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Yes Miss Rossi, there is. Did you take those pictures of Miss Dupain-Cheng? Because that video tells a different story.”

“Yes sir, I swear it.”

“You swear it, huh? Well you best come with me to the office. Miss Dupain-Cheng and her friends will join us when they’re done.”

“What?”

“Miss Rossi, you are accused of stealing Mr Culpa and Miss Dupain-Cheng’s creative work. We will be calling your mother to discuss this.”

Back on stage the crowd of students and talent agents alike had taken to shouting questions to the group of students.

[shuaberriez]

hello ms aria i love ur gifs smmm <3 7, 8, 14, 32, and 34 for the ask game please!! (ik that is a lot but im very curious fkjjdfkjdf)

hiiii yza <33

send me a number(s) from 1-49 <3

7. Who are your top 3 gif makers?

this is a really hard one bc i love all my mutuals but i'm going to have to mention: 1. you!! i also want to mention you !! i love how vibrant and sharp your gifs are (omg drop the tutorial wajskjfds <3) and ahdkkhdsj i swear i fangirl every time i see your gifs on my dash hehe <3

2. cora (@ohoshi)!! i think cora was one of the first people i followed in caratblr WHJSDHFSJD i'm absolutely in awe of all her gifs and her colouring which i adore <3 and her gifs are always so smooth and clean omg <3

3. hana (@soonshuas)!! pretty colouring always!!!!!!!!!!! i'm her biggest fan i promise <3 also this is kinda besides gif making bc i could literally sing never-ending praises of her gifs but like she's probably one of the most welcoming gif makers i've come across like i swear i account a lot of my gif making skill to her helping me out wssjshjsd

8. What gif trend do you hate

idk many trends tbh so i don't really hate any but ig i find like gif series' annoying? like it's more a personal dislike bc i can't do them myself WKDSJSFD i end up forgetting about them </3

14. How long does it usually take you to make a set

i actually got asked this by an irl today omg but i think it depends on the set and the person? like i'm kinda used to giffing joshua now so i know which level of colouring i'm comfortable with using and doing? whsdjfsdj and if it's like a standard set with 6 gifs or so... probably half an hour? but if it's an ot13 set, probably like an hour </3

32. What is your favorite tool/adjustment layer in Photoshop

omg definitely selective colour - it's my life saver when it comes to skin tone restoration </3

34. A set that took you a long time/was really hard but you’re really proud of how it came out

my joshua birthday set!! i am so thankful for your help w it and it probably took me like 13 days to do it, i think but i'm super proud of it </3

[come-on-shitty-boys]

My Letter to You

nAs I look back on what this year has brought me, I can easily say that you are the best gift I have received.  You have made me smile and laugh more than anyone else ever could and I will forever be grateful to you for making my 2020 more bearable than I had ever imagined that it would be.  I never would’ve thought that you and this blog would end up meaning as much to me as it did, but I wouldn’t ask for a different experience.  We’ve worked hard to build up to this point and I am so glad that I get to bring in the new year right alongside each and every one of you.  You have dealt with my antics and just me behaving like an absolute heathen because I have zero filter and you’ve accepted that aspect of me wholeheartedly, something I haven’t had from someone in a very long time, so thank you.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving me the world and letting me expand upon your wildest dreams, for talking to me, and for being my friend.  I love you now.  I will love you tomorrow.  And I will love you every tomorrow after that.  May your 2021 be filled with as much happiness as you have brought me over these past few months.

Much love xx 

Maddi

bonk more personal letters under the cut~

To Micchi (@sanso) - you are the light of my life, one of the sweetest people that I ever could’ve had the opportunity to meet and I don’t think that I could ever put into words how much fun I have talking with you and seeing you in the discord server or even just on my dash.  I love you with ever fiber of my being and please, my raccoon loving, coffee-obsessed darling, take care and I hope that you smile bright today 💕

To Alice @cherryonigiri - there is no way to express how grateful I am for you.  you are such a genuinely kind person and I never would’ve had the opportunities to make so many friends and meet so many wonderful people if it weren’t for you.  You’re doing amazing things and you will continue to do amazing things.  You are so incredible and I am still trying to figure out how someone like you could possibly exist 😭 you’re just so cool????

To El @neonghxst - the oh-so-incredibly-talented darling.  you never fail to make me laugh and smile.  we don’t interact much, but the few times that we have, I have always told myself that I should talk to you more and then i never did because i’m a scared little coward but it is time to change that 😤 and we will 😤 continue being wonderful and amazing in this upcoming year and i look forward to what you will bring to the world 🥺💕

To Thalia @ush7jima - my wife my beautiful stunning incredible wife 🤩 words cannot describe how much I love and cherish you.  you are amazing in every sense of the word.  your kindness and how genuine you always are will never fail to amaze me.  You’re going to do amazing things, sweetheart and I can’t wait to be there when you do 🥺

To Elle @nekxrizawa - i love you bitch i ain’t ever gonna stop loving you biiiiiiitch ahahhahaaha thank you for being my everything, my absolute best friend for these past few months, for staying up with me for every single art project, and then proceeding to fall asleep while I down my third cup of coffee in a two hour period 🤩

To Lay @tokyosdawn - YOU ARE SO DAMN SWEET W H A T ????? things i do not deserve? Lay. I’m so glad that we have become mutuals and had the opportunity to become friends ugh i love you that is all no thoughts head empty only my love for you

To Nona @catharsisbabey - aka THE OTHER WIFE 🤩🤩 nona, you are so incredible and your brain is just so amazing?? I’m still hung up on the goose game fic and i don’t think that I will ever get over it 😭😭 you’re photoshop skills? I M M A C U L A T E.  every time i see you on my dash or in my inbox my heart gets all happy because you’re just so god damned fun and wonderful and I hope 2021 is good to you sweetie 🥺

To Deep @deephasoceanmagic - my new mutual and my VP to my daishou fan club 🤩 we may be new friends, but there is no denying the absolute godliness of our time together.  I hope that we have even more opportunities to laugh and obsess in this new year 🥺

To Gracie @gg9183 - MISS MAAM YOU KNOW HOW TO GET TO ME AND GOD DAMN 😭😭 YOU MAKE ME SO DAMN HEAD EMPTY AND IT. IS. NOT. FAIR. 😭😭 but i thank the heavens for every single thing you send me. you are blessing and i love you so very much

To my anons - thank you for being you 🥺 and for keeping me company and making me laugh and smile and I am so so glad to have you.  thank you 💕💕

To Eve @quilledinkpen - bonk hi i love you. ugh you’re so sweet?  and funny? and I’m just???? in awe at your talent? you’re such an incredible artist and I love seeing your work on my dash 😭 you’re so good please madam spare the talent

To Onyx @boosyboo9206 - there is nothing that i can say to you here that i haven’t told you a million times, but I am so grateful to have you.  I am so glad that we have had the opportunity to become friends and bond over our obsession with tattoo artist kuroo and thank you for indulging me in all of my daishou head empty thoughts ✌😭 lord knows they never fucking stop.  you are so kind and genuine and absolutely stunning inside and out 😭 i hope that 2021 treats you as good as I know Kuroo would 🥺💕

[kelsieengen]

Today I’m so pleased to have S.A. Edwards joining us! I’ve had the pleasure of reading some of her Mage series drafts and they’ve been fun adventures involving Nephilum and all sorts of imaginative monsters and creatures.

Hi, Sophie! Thanks for joining us today on the blog. I’m so thrilled to see your trilogy was published in complete form this month! Congratulations on that awesome achievement!

Without further ado, let’s get to the interview!

Q: Did you publish the first book/story that you wrote?

A: Haha no! That book will never see the light of day. As much as I was – and still am – so proud of having achieved a finished novel, the writing was terrible. I’ve learned so much since. But it was great experience, and it showed me that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve anything.

Q: My first ones were awful too! That’s such a good mindset to have though. How many books and short stories have you written? (And how many of those early ones were never published?)

A: I am currently working on my seventh novel. I wrote several short stories before giving a novel a go, but I lost count along the way. My debut novel was my fourth attempt at publication.

Q: Seven! Awesome. Are you published? And if so, traditional or indie?

A: I have two books published through Idris Press Publishing: Mage: The Guardian’s Oath and Mage: The Ancient’s Might. Book three is due to be released in July 2020.

Q: Congratulations on those publications! I’m thrilled to be able to share the links to those works down below at the end of this interview.

What is the best advice you could give an aspiring author?

A: Learn all you can. Take a course. Join Scribophile. Write. And read. And write some more. Because the longer you spend learning, the better you’ll become, and one year, two years, ten years down the line, when you look back on previous writing, you’ll see a huge difference in your knowledge and skill, and you’ll be one step closer to writing ‘The End’ on a novel, to reaching publication or touching someone’s heart.

Q: Those are all great suggestions. What project are you working on now?

A: I’m working on a new novel now, a new series, but I won’t say much more of that for the time being. Updates will be released on my page in the future.

Q: Ooh, mysterious! All right, we’ll let you keep your secrets for now. How did you get started writing?

A: As long as I can remember I’ve been a daydreamer, often living my childhood in fantasy lands instead of focusing on what I should, but the thought of writing a novel had never occurred to me until my mother suggested I give it a go. I found the idea intriguing and loved the thought of having my very own book as a book rather than stapled-together pieces of paper, as had previously been made. And from there, I believe, my writing journey began.

Q: That’s awesome. I think so many writers start out like that and feel the magic when we turn our thoughts to paper. What is your favorite non-writing activity?

A: I love photography, especially photo manipulation.

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Q: Oh that sounds fun. I love photography too, but don’t put nearly the time into it I should to get better. But let’s return to writing. What inspired your most recent story?

A: A dream inspired the start of my series – The Nephilium Lands. It caught my attention enough that I knew I could do something with it, and the rest, as they say, is history. If you’ll pardon the cliché.

Q: Consider it pardoned! 😉 What’s your biggest writing distraction? How do you combat it?

A: The days I can’t be bothered. Maybe I want to play about on Photoshop or watch a programme or sit in the garden on the rare occasion we have sun warm enough to lounge in. The only way to combat it is to push through or set a time limit or make myself write. Or I just take my phone outside and lounge in the sun while I keep writing on my notes!

Q: Great tips. What is the single most challenging thing about being an author?

A: Patience. When you sit at a computer and know there’s still at least 80,000 words left until the end of the book, and then several rounds of edits and criticism and work to go until it’s finally finished, it can be discouraging and overwhelming. Without patience, I would have struggled to finish. Looking ahead, after all, is a distraction in itself. I can get so caught up in how much more I have to go that I forgo living in the present and focusing on one thing at a time. One word at a time adds up. I just have to keep going.

Q: That’s so true. And such a great way of phrasing it. What author (living or dead) would you most like to chat with?

A: Anthony Horowitz. Or Steven Moffat. I’m a big fan!

Q: Where can we find you after this interview?

A: You can find me here on Facebook, where I post inspiration on writing and news on upcoming books.

Where can we find your publications? Amazon

Mage: The Guardian’s Oath (UK link) (US link) – Available Now

Mage: The Ancient’s Might (UK link) (US link) – Available Now

Mage: The Eternal Realm (UK link) (US link)– Released July 4th 2020

Thanks so much for joining us, Ms. Edwards! It’s been a pleasure chatting.

  Like this post? Please give it a share! Help get the word out about fantastic authors!

Author Interview: S.A. Edwards Today I'm so pleased to have S.A. Edwards joining us! I've had the pleasure of reading some of her Mage series drafts and they've been fun adventures involving Nephilum and all sorts of imaginative monsters and creatures.

[a-septic-mind]

NSIDE CHAPTER TWO

Neglect

To leave undone or unattended to, especially through carelessness

April 2017- LATER THAT SAME DAY

“Three...two...one…* clap *

“ TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA LADDIES MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE and welcome to a little game called Infinity Inc!”

Chase looked up from his phone as Jack’s intro rang through the Hub like it had been played on a loudspeaker. Marvin was at the “controls”, watching through Jack’s eyes as he usually did when they recorded. The doctor had moved away to a desk that he had manifested on the other side of the room, and was typing away on a computer, muttering to himself. Chase noted that he seemed to do that a lot.

Stretching, Chase got up off the couch and walked up behind Marvin. Jack was playing one of those pixelated side-scroller games- this one involving cloning or something like that.

“HEADS UP!”

Chase and Marvin whirled around just in time to see Jackieboy come barreling into the Hub from his room. His hood was down and it was one of those rare occurrences where Chase realized he wasn’t wearing his mask. Probably because it was currently being held in the tail of a small green eyeball that made a circle around the room and stopped in the middle, wiggling it’s tiny body playfully.

“Sam, give it back !” Jackie tried to say sternly, but it was ruined by a laugh. Sam scrunched up, not unlike a cat about to pounce and waved the mask in Jackie’s direction. Chase snorted.

“You little-! Comere!” Jackie lunged at Sam.

His hand barely missed the little septiceye, but his momentum carried him a little too far and he tripped over himself and landed facedown on the floor with a comical splat! Chase doubled over laughing as Sam landed contentedly on top of Jackie’s hair, pleased that he had won.

Jackie propped himself up on one arm, shooting a good-natured glare at Chase. “Haha very funny.” He commented dryly. He held out his hand and looked up at Sam. “Can I have that back please?”

Sam made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle and dropped the stolen mask into the superego’s waiting hand. Jackie stood and pulled the mask back down over his eyes as Sam flew over to Chase. Chase held up a fist and Sam bumped into it in greeting.

“Nice one, little dude.” Chase laughed. Sam squeaked in response before making himself comfortable on the brim of Chase’s hat. Marvin glanced back and smirked as Jackie came up next to him.

“Bested by the evil septiceye once again.” He teased. Jackie shoved him playfully.

The three of them settled into a row and continued to watch Jack play. For a few seconds, everything was quiet except for the sound of Jack’s commentary- which of course wasn’t quiet at all- until Scheeplestein straightened up at the desk.

“Chase.” He said urgently. “Come here for a moment.”

Marvin raised an eyebrow and leaned over. “What did you do this time?” he whispered.

Chase sighed. “Who the fuck knows.” He muttered back before turning and walking towards the desk. “Sup Doc?”

Schneeplestein studied him for a moment, which as usual made Chase fidget a bit. Sam slid down off his hat and perched on his shoulder, returning the doctor's stare.

Schneeplestein finally relented. “I realized something today when I vas going over ze brain activity records for zis past week.” He waved his hand absently at the computer screen, which showed graphs and charts that Chase couldn’t begin to comprehend. “You haven’t manifested yet have you?”

“Oh…” Chase shoved his hands into his pockets. “Uh no, I guess I haven’t.”

Schneeplestein muttered something in German that sounded an awful lot like a curse. “I thought so.” He said, rubbing his temples. “Zis is not good.”

“We drank the last pot of coffee not good or last Halloween not good?” Chase joked. His smirk died however when Schneeplestein shot him a withering glare.

“Young man zis is serious. Manifestation is one of the key abilities you must learn if you’re going to be part of this subconscious. If you can’t make a physical form in the real world then you give up all possibilities of being able to take control should Sean need you to.”

“Right,” Chase muttered. “That’s important.”

“Incredibly important, I can’t believe we let you go this long without-” The doctor exhaled deeply before managing a tight-lipped smile. “It’s mostly my fault, so I will be teaching you.”

Chase felt his stomach sink. Schneeplestein had always been impatient with most everyone- he had recognized that the moment they’d met. He especially didn’t seem to appreciate Chase’s sense of humor. He couldn’t imagine any sort of scenario where this ended well, but he grinned anyway.

“Sounds great Doc. When do we start?”

—————

Jack, a moment, please.

Jack leaned back in his chair to stretch, mentally acknowledging the voice in the back of his mind. Adjusting his headphones, he continued to fiddle with the thumbnail he was making.

Yeah, Doc?

I wanted to let you know that I will be teaching Chase to manifest. I needed to confirm that you are alone this evening?

Jack snorted. Not the best way you could’ve put that Schneep.

You know vat I meant.

Yeah Doc, it’s just me tonight. And my lovely date Photoshop.

Excellent. Let me know if it starts becoming too much of a strain.

Will do. Good luck Chase.

There was a slight pressure in the back of his head as Chase acknowledged him- the mental equivalent of someone giving a thumbs up.

“Now Chase, ve will go step by step.” Schneeplestein began, turning to the younger ego. “Manifestation is relatively simple once you have mastered the steps, but you must be careful not to drain too much energy from Jack. Do you understand?”

Chase fixed his cap lower on his head. “Got it Doc. What’s first?”

“First you must tap into the core,” Schneep explained. “Your shard has an aura of sorts. You must connect zat aura with the aura of the core. Like plugging in a computer, zis will give you the strength needed to make a physical form.”

Chase frowned in thought as he tried to imagine what the doctor was saying.  “So what I just….feel around?” He chuckled at his own joke. “Heh, get it? Feel-”

“Yes, yes I get it.” Schneeplestein cut him off. “While that’s not ze most elegant vay you could’ve put it, that’s mostly correct. Imagine your shard is like a magnet, let it point you towards the core.”

“Magnet...got it.” Chase closed his eyes. Concentrating hard, he focused in on the grey sliver that was his shard.

For a moment, it sat still, but Chase gave it a mental push and it suddenly spun on its axis. He felt a fluttering sensation in his chest as it searched- which was quickly replaced with a tugging feeling that nearly jerked him off his feet.

“Shit-!” Chase opened his eyes and stumbled. Schneeplestein caught his arm and straightened him again.

“What is that?” Chase gasped.

That’s me, Chase. Jack reassured him. Nice work. Chase grinned as Schneeplestein nodded.

“Vell done.” the doctor said. “Now, zat you have ze connection, you must use it to pull yourself into the physical world.”

Chase’s smile fell a little. “You make it sound so easy Doc.”

Schneep narrowed his eyes. “It vill be easy, once you’ve practiced enough. Now, maintaining a physical form is easy, creating one is ze hard part. Everyone has their own ways of helping themselves form but my first suggestion would perhaps be a running start.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Not at all. The barrier between ze mind and ze real world is simply a doorway that you must pass through.” Schneep moved aside and put his hands behind his back. “You may start ven you’re ready.”

Chase tilted his head. “I don’t even get a demonstration?” He chided.

“I believe in hands-on learning.”

Chase rolled his eyes but didn’t argue any further. Taking a deep breath, he backed up a few steps and then sprinted towards the other end of the Hub. His shard spun like a top in his chest as he felt the air shift around him.

Suddenly, the shard stopped spinning and the tugging force pulled away from him like a rubber band snapping back on itself.  Chase yelped as he felt an invisible force hit him in the gut. Doubling over, he dropped to his knees in pain and the connection was severed.

Schneeplestein shook his head. “No no no.” he chided striding up to Chase. “You need to maintain the bond with the core.”

Chase huffed. “I thought I did .”

“Vell obviously not.” Schneeplestein grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. “Again. And this time don’t let go.”

Chase sighed. It was going to be a long night.

—————

Chase was frustrated. He and Schneeplestein had been at the manifestation lesson for hours. Days? He didn’t know anymore. All he knew was that he was tired and Schneeplestein was starting to get on his last nerve .

“Again.” The doctor said after what seemed like his millionth failed attempt. “You need to concentrate Chase.”

Chase huffed. “I’m trying .” He snapped.

“Vell try harder .”

Chase gritted his teeth and bit back a retort. Not worth it. He told himself.

Still, he really wanted to wipe that condescending glare of Schneep’s face.

He could easily connect with Jack’s shard now. It was the actual manifestation part that just wasn’t happening. Jack, for all it was worth, had been extremely patient throughout.

Chase connected again and this time backed up completely so that he was pressed against the farthest wall. Schneeplestein simply stared at him as he pulled his hat down.

Concentrate Chase. He told himself.

Three...

Two...

One...

Go!

And he took off.

He nearly made it all the way to the far end of the Hub before the connection snapped again. This time, it was like he had smacked into a concrete wall. A strong force hit him hard, making him stumble backward and land hard on his back.

“Fuck it!” Chase groaned as Schneep came up behind him. The doctor was frowning, but his face revealed nothing.

“Again.” He said, grabbing Chase’s arm to pull him up. Chase shoved him away.

“Forget it Doc, I’m done.”

Schneep pressed his lips together. “Chase zis is not one of your silly trick shots, zis is a skill that you-”

“I don’t fucking care Schneep! I said I’m done!”

A silence stretched between them as Chase glared at the ground. When he finally looked up, the doctor was staring hard enough that Chase was sure he was going to burn a hole in the floor.

“Fine,” Schneeplestein said, rubbing his temples and turning away. “Just go.”

Gritting his teeth, Chase got to his feet as the doctor stalked off. Digging into his pocket, he fumbled angrily for his phone and earbuds as he headed for his room. He didn’t even look up until he ran headfirst into someone else.

“Hey now!” Jackie laughed and steadied the younger Ego as he stumbled. “Where’s the fire Loser?”

Chase shrugged, not acknowledging the nickname. “Doc said we were done for the day,” he muttered.

Jackie raised an eyebrow. Chase shook his head and pushed past him. “It’s nothing man,” he insisted, putting in his earbuds, “just Henrik being Henrik.”

He opened the door to his room and flicked on the light. He would be the first to admit that he might have gone overboard when Jackie and Marvin showed him how to create his own headspace, but he was proud of the results. Everything from the skateboards mounted on the far wall to the unmade queen-sized bed was his and his alone. He couldn’t say that about many things.

Pulling off his cap, he ruffled his hair and threw himself on the double bed, rousing a sleeping Sam who had been curled up on one of the pillows. Chase stared at the ceiling, letting his legs hang off the side. He was so fucking tired- he wanted to blink out of existence for a few days.

“Chase.”

He looked up. Jackie was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed, staring at him. Chase groaned and flopped back down.

“Am I gonna get a lecture from you too?” he snapped. “I get it, I need to learn. He doesn’t have to be a dick about it.”

Jackie snorted and put down his hood before walking over to sit down on the edge of the bed. “Schneep isn’t the best teacher,” he began, “but he’s had more practice, so he knows what he’s doing.”

Chase gave a sarcastic thumbs-up while staring at the ceiling. “Awesome. Ten out of ten. That makes everything better.”

“Look, as bad as it sounds, I’m actually glad he's teaching you.”

Chase lifted his head to stare at him. “ Why? ”

“Because that means things are getting back to normal.”

Chase pressed his lips together in frustration. Of course, no matter what was going on it all came back to that. Back to Halloween. He rolled over and pressed his face into the pillows with a huff. He could feel Sam nudging his cheek gently.

“Give it a few weeks,” Jackie promised. “I think moving will be good for all of us. Especially  the doc.”

He stood up as Chase rolled back around. “I’ll leave you alone now.” He smiled before shifting his attention and adding, “don’t let him mope around for too long Sammy.”

Sam gave a mock salute with his tail. Chase snorted. “Thanks, Jackie.”

“Just doing my job.” Jackie winked and struck a heroic pose. “Jackieboy-Man away!”

The superego ran off, making whoosh noises with his mouth. Chase laughed as Sam jumped onto his chest and turned in a circle, bunching up the fabric of his shirt into a bed that he curled up into. Chase absent-mindedly stroked the little mascot as he thought.

He understood why Schneeplestin was worried, everything he remembered about last Halloween was not pleasant in the slightest. Feelings of fear and pain that had lasted for hours.

Still, he couldn’t help but think that everything felt fine now. He didn’t notice any difference in Sean. Schneeplestein was just probably just paranoid even though he admitted that there hadn’t been any problems since March. And even then that had been more of a video hijack done by whatever that thing was.

Jack was healing up just fine.

So really, how bad could it be?

Tag List: @isa-ghost  @mini-hero-rena @immabethehero

[forgxtemall]

@illunaris​ has sent: 38, 3, 5 @obliviouskind​ has sent: -13, 16, 21 and 35?- @victorydestined​ has sent: #6, 14, 22 (to be honest meme) @waveraging​ has sent: 1, 3, 8 — be honest meme!

the be honest meme.   [NO LONGER ACCEPTING!]

Everything is under read more!

1. What would prevent you from following someone?

// Here’s a quick run down of things, bc I think I’ve made this quite clear in my rules:

Political stuff. Regardless of the person’s stance & views, RP isn’t the place for this - take it to a personal blog or somewhere else.

The blog is empty. There is no sample of their writing, it is nothing more than a bunch of generic aesthetic/musing/their own promo posts. This generally hints, at a blog that won’t stick for the long run.

Lack of a rules/about page. Basic stuff, that surprisingly a bunch of people don’t have. This also includes, blogs with those types of themes that leave you with “Where the fuck are the links???”. Also, no, linking your “about page” to the wiki doesn’t count as an about, I want to know your muse, not the character I already know.

Anyone under 18. I am not comfortable with interacting/talking to anyone below the legal age. I touch on a wide variety of topics, most of which, aren’t suitable for anyone underage.

Assosciation with people who I’d rather avoid. This used to be bigger in the past, when filtering on mobile & blacklist weren’t a thing, but I still find myself doing this on rare- isolated cases here & there.

The writing style/interpretation clashes with mine. This is self-explenatory. English may not be my first language, but if I can’t understand your writing- then what’s even the point?

Fandom I don’t want to assosciate/crossover with. MLP, Under.tale, League of Leg.ends, Home.stuck...

Fictional/other kin.s. Self-explenatory, I don’t wish to waste my time with ppl who can’t distinguish reality from fiction. & I’ve had a bunch of bad experiences with those in the past.

3. What current rp trend do you hate?

// Those IC-blogs. Just... No. Nope, nopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Stop this please.........

5. Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? Why?

// TBH the muse’s gender isn’t something I pay attention to, unless I’m looking to ship with mine.

My focus is on the character/muse as a whole.

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

// Imma say it: Kahili is the very first young woman, I picked to rp as in a long time.

I prefer writing male muses, because I’ve had some god awful experiences in the past that have put me off from rping as females for the longest time. I’ve had my own fair share of bad experiences, while rping as men- but they never came anywhere near to what I had to endure as a woman.

From complete creepers (both coming from male muses & females alike), to having f/f forced onto me when I didn’t want it & so on. I was just generally having a far better time with guys, than with girls.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Policing people’s blogs contents (self-explenatory);

People making their muse POC/Trans/LGBTQ+/have a mental disorder just to avoid criticism (self-explenatory);

People’s entitlement for RPing (nobody owes you an interaction/plot/etc. Srsly cut this nasty attitude out)

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

// There was a time I was, way more invested & interested in my discor.d rps than the ones on tumblr. So, for a moment I thought of going exclusive Dis.cord.

It all changed, when I managed to find a balance to them... For the most part- but still.

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

// It was through RP I got to finally share, my opinions & views on the series I absolutely love. Not only that, but I came across people who were genuinely interested on them. In a way, I was able to finally join the fandom through RPing. So I’d say, on this aspect- yes it definetely had a positive effect on me <3

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

// As much fun I have wih making these graphics & icons, I can’t help but feel like nowadays RP has lost its focus from someone’s Rping/writing skills.

if tumblr screwed up and Thanos snapped the possibility of putting graphics/icons/etc, it would do wonders for the RPC.

The photoshop skills competition would stop right there. Also, it would be wonderful for artists, bc of ppl using fan arts for their edits without any credit/permission for their work.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

// Y  E S. It was the worst, it felt like I was being held at gunpoint........... Not fun at all, bc- our muses just didn’t have any real way to interact with each other in the first place.

22. What would make you block someone?

// Besides what I’ve stated above- at the start of this post?

Well, if the person rubs me in the wrong way, I’ll block them. Like... The person may not even have done anything to me, but I just don’t feel comfortable having them unblocked/following/interacting with my blog.

So I block them, just to avoid any possible awkward situation.

35. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

// I wished I had the time to read MORE from the dash TBH. I do read some threads here & there from time to time! And I’ve read some great stuff from my mutuals!

38. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

// Focus on your portrayal! Work on it! Develop your muse!

People will eventually find their way to you, just take your time & don’t be afraid to draw your limits/lines. Go do your thing & have your fun man!

[numeronubisexualhawkeye]

Take Cover

2194 words

Years of training and running missions with the Red Room, Natasha had learned that there are fates worse than death. Being captured and beaten to a pulp for information, having a partner tortured in front of her, getting a bullet that would release her from her hell of a life only to be revived or put on ice. Natasha knew so many of death’s faces that she believed nothing could faze her anymore, but she never thought she would find one of its faces in the man who had set her free.

A part of her felt stupid for hating Clint as much as she did. She should have been grateful to him. He had cut out one of the deaths Natasha had feared for so long by bringing her to Shield. She was in their protection, far from the Red Room, and after months of work, had finally been deprogrammed. Life was still nothing but missions and time spent between missions, but she had room to roam, room to live and breathe like any human should have. It was a freedom she never thought she could have, but it also meant that she owed him something, and for that, she hated him.

But despite her hatred, she was constantly paired with him for missions. At first, she thought it was because Shield didn’t trust her to be with anyone else, but then she started to realize it was because no one else wanted to work with her. When she had first realized that, it made her puff out a little with pride. She was the big, scary, new girl in town, and she was good, no, great, at what she did. If she was in their shoes, she’d be scared of her too. But everyone else’s fear meant that Clint was the only one she could effectively work with, which meant she had all that more reason to hate him. Each time he wiggled his way into her routine on a mission, each word of encouragement, every wink and nudge was torture, and she knew that he was doing it to mess with her. She was starting to wonder how someone like him ever got the call to work with Shield and then have the skill to take her down.

At first, she feared that her hatred was unrequited, Clint’s jabs at her just his asshole-ish attitude, but when Phil briefed them on their newest mission, Natasha was relieved to find out that he was just as upset as she was.

“Married? Are you fucking kidding me?” Clint had exclaimed days earlier when they first got the news.

“Listen, I know you think this is bad,” Phil had started.

“This is worse than bad. This is, this is,” Clint stumbled over finding the words to match his distress.

“The fucking worst.” Natasha filled in. It wasn’t as poignant as she was hoping for, but “this is what’s going to be in my suicide note” felt a little too harsh.

The two of them had had two missions before where they had to pose as a couple, though they didn’t need to act on it much, as they both ensured their missions ran a lot shorter than their original estimated duration. Six hours was the record so far, Clint taking out an arms dealer in Waco a few months back. Natasha was glad to have chucked the cheap silver ring down a storm drain when they left to go back to their rendezvous point.

But this time, they had to do the real deal. No fake rings, no fake marriage license put together in PhotoShop, and no extra sleeping bag packed so they wouldn’t have to share a bed. They had to cross international borders this time, trekking all the way to Portugal, posing as a couple for several weeks, months even if things went south, and Shield thought it best to get legal licenses made. So the day after their briefing, they went to the courthouse as David and Anya Nicholson, with a photographer with them just to make sure their cover was authentic as possible, and signed their names.

It was torture, and with the cheery young woman taking their pictures, cooing and gleefully showing them the shots of she and Clint, arms wrapped around each other, smiling through the agony of the situation, and a few shots of them kissing. Neither one of them admitted it, but they were both a tad bit sloshed during the entire thing. Turns out spy training is helpful for holding down alcohol too.

The flight out to Portugal was painfully long. Having to sit next to Clint’s snoring, chewing, and just sitting next to him for twelve hours was the worst insult to an already bleeding out injury. She thought that things couldn’t have gotten much worse, but when they landed and got to the apartment they would be sharing for however long this G-d forsaken mission was going to take, there was to their horror, only one bed.

“Is the mission to kill a human trafficker or each other?” Clint groaned, tossing his stuff down on the couch in the living room.

Natasha didn’t say anything. There was an unspoken agreement between them that in times when they had only one proper sleeping spot, Natasha would get the bed, and he would set up on the floor in a sleeping bag or the couch. It had never been a big point of contingency before, but with the added flare of being legally married and the duration of the mission, the situation felt like rubbing salt in the wound.

She went to the bedroom and changed into something more comfortable, and stayed there for a while with the door closed, reading over the files of the guy they were supposed to be taking out. Their target was too high into the ranks of local politics for him to be taken out with a bullet to the head or arrow through the neck. Too many allies and people who would notice him vanishing. No, they had to wear him down, and make him leave on his own accord, or at least make it look like a very convincing accident, hence the duration and heavy cover. Their objective for tonight was to attend a gala as newlywed grad students, in town for research and an extended honeymoon, and work their way into their target’s inner circle. Shouldn’t be too hard, both she and Clint spoke Portuguese, and even though they would be lying through their teeth, she figured that they could hold down an engaging enough conversation.

That evening, they got dressed in the nicest outfits they had packed with them, and headed across town to the museum the gala would be at. It was a small event, which Natasha appreciated, less eyes to catch she and Clint together, both as a work duo, and a couple. Their target, some middle aged guy named Theo was lounging in the corner of some exhibit, eyes catching Natasha in her shimmery cocktail dress immediately.

Clint had his arm interlocked with hers, rubbing his thumb up and down her arm affectionately. Chill out Tasha. He’s just playing along.

They walked up to the target and Natasha didn’t even have to play up her act all that much. Theo was onto her in a second, ignoring Clint altogether, only giving him a glance when Natasha introduced him as her husband. G-d saying that aloud felt weird. She hoped that in the coming weeks, it would start to feel more like work and not some awful parody of who she had to be for the job.

“Ah, newlyweds.” Theo said, still keeping his gaze on Natasha, his eyes roaming every inch of her. “You two will love the university here, and the city. It’s very...enchanting, if you know what I mean.”

Natasha let out an airy laugh. “Oh, I’m sure we’ll get around to some sight seeing eventually. Won’t we babe?” She looked up at Clint, who had been particularly silent this entire time.

“Yeah, can’t wait.” he replied. He sounded tense, which made her nervous. This was supposed to be the easy part. All they had to do was play the happy young couple, happy to finally be abroad and in love, but Clint’s stony expression was making it seem like Natasha was holding him hostage.

“You alright?” she asked, “Why don’t you go get something to drink, I’ll wait here with Theo for you to get back.”

Clint shot a glance from her and then to Theo, his eyes narrow, “I’m fine. I actually wanna dance. Be a shame for all this good music to go to waste.”

Something in Natasha twinged, what the hell was he doing? But it was better to play along. She could buy back time with Theo later, they were here for a while, and it would look better for her to go dance with her supposed husband than turn him down. “Sure. I’ll be back in a little bit, okay Theo?” Natasha wagged her fingers at the target as Clint hooked his arm in hers again and led her to the dance floor.

They swayed back and forth to some jazzy cover of an Elvis song. Natasha had to fight the urge to roll her eyes when she realized it was I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You. She rested her head on Clint’s shoulder, partly playing into the cover, and partly because she was tired and her heels were aching on top of her already blistered feet.

“He’s looking over here again.” Clint whispered harshly in her ear. They had danced together before on previous missions, and she was used to him having to whisper softly in her ear to pass something along about their target. But his voice now wasn’t as blunt as it usually was. Well, no. It was blunt, but there was an edge of heat to it now, an edge of anger.

“Okay?” Natasha said, her own voice taking up a strange tone, confusion maybe? What would make Clint so angry right now? This was work, Theo was supposed to be looking at her, and Clint was supposed to be watching him, but she knew that he was watching him in a different sense now.

“Can I please just put a knife through that guy’s throat?” Clint growled.

“David.” she said, pulling back and gazing into his eyes. He looked down at her and she saw it, that flash of anger in his expression that wiped away when he noticed her looking at him. “Let’s go.”

Clint didn’t need any further instruction. They walked off the dance floor, and made their way back to the apartment. Once the door clicked shut behind them, Natasha went in. “What the fuck was that Barton?”

Clint didn’t say anything, just stormed off to the bathroom, which of course they had to share. “Barton, I’m talking to you.” she said going after him. He was already had the bathroom door closed behind him and she heard the shower switch on. “Barton!”

The bathroom door swung open and she was met with Clint’s angry eyes. “That guy is fucking buy and selling women like they’re fucking puppies, and you’re just, you’re so fucking casual about it!”

“Well how the fuck else am I supposed to be? We’re spies Barton, not mercenaries. You think I like that I have to pretend to be nice to that guy?”

“You probably like it a lot more than having to be married to me.” he fumed.

“Oh don’t you even fucking start. I saw you out there. You’re-”

“I’m what?” Clint started, stepping toward her out of the bathroom, “A normal human with morals? Because if I were you, I would have snapped that guy’s neck the moment he set eyes on you.”

That wasn’t it. He was getting too personal. This wasn’t about Theo being a disgusting human, this was about her. They had taken out traffickers before with less rigid covers, and had butted heads about things like this before, but he would usually only give jaded comments about how calm she managed to be, calling her an Ice Queen or apathetic. But never had he spent so many words like this.

Natasha was taken aback. Was he concerned about her? He had no reason to be, he’d seen her when she was still with the Red Room. He knew better than anybody what she was capable of, and if their mission hadn’t been covert, she would have absolutely put a bullet between Theo’s eyes before he could so much as turn his head to look at her.

“What the hell is this really about?” she asked. She knew, but she wanted to be wrong. She didn’t want his concern, she already owed him a debt, she didn’t need to have him catching feelings or feeling that he needed to protect her.

Clint didn’t answer. Instead he slammed the bathroom door shut and Natasha heard the shower switch on. She didn’t wait for him to come out to talk to him again, she had her answer.

[ihaveanimagine]

I may have sent this before, but what how would the Gaster bros and the Underfell bros react if they had a voice acting S/O? Like, so good, they can even do rhe skeles voice, along with their bros? They even make silly audios in their skeles voice, talking to their bro.

(Don’t worry, you haven’t sent this in before! This was a really fun prompt to write! ^_^)

Gaster!Sans (G)G would think you have an absolutely amazing talent and would be completely confused as to why you aren’t a famous voice actor by now. As soon as he gets hold of your audios, he binge listens to all of them. He loves hearing all the different ways you can alter your voice and he nearly squeals like a 3 year old child when he hears you impersonate him.

(Naturally, he has you call his brother to mimic his voice and say something out of character until he figures out it’s not G on the other end of the line…Aster was not pleased for a while and gave you both grumpy pouts for an entire week).

Gaster!Papyrus (Aster)Aster would fanboy so hard he needs a nap when he finds out you can voice act. He asks you to do everything from Disney voices to celebrities to singing his favorite songs as accurately as possible. The very next day, you wake up to a bunch of spam pictures with Aster wearing shirts and key chains he made by himself to promote your audios.

The first time you impersonate his voice he nearly swoons but is honestly quite embarrassed. He thinks you’re overplaying his charm a bit but doesn’t say it because he loves the look on your face when you mimic him.

The next time his brother comes to visit, Aster makes sure to wait in the other room while you answer the door, talking in his voice for a while before opening the door to see G’s shocked response.

Needless to say, Aster got the reaction on camera and neither of you let him live it down for the next month.

Underfell!Sans (Red)At first, he doesn’t believe that the audios you’re showing him are you. He keeps on making excuses like “oh that’s just voice photoshopped” or “that’s totally an outtake from the real VA”.

But when you do a perfect impression of his brother, Red stares at you with a look of shock and awe. 

(He spends the next few hours begging you to record yourself saying something absolutely ridiculous with his brother’s voice that you two later use as Edge’s voicemail)

Underfell!Papyrus (Edge)Edge thinks that your voice mimicry skills are outstanding and wants to know how you haven’t used your powers of voice manipulation to woo him.

(You have, he’s just dense)

Nevertheless, Edge is thoroughly impressed with your skills and immediately shows you around to everyone he knows from the Underground and everyone he sees on the street.

(No, seriously. He’ll see an elderly couple sitting on a bench at the park feeding pigeons, and he’ll just go up to them with his phone like “Have either of you seen my beloved mate do a perfect impression of this character?”)

He’s very proud of you and makes every effort to show it.

The only request he makes of you is to do a mimic of Red’s voice promising he’ll do a chore or something so Edge can use it on him when Red doesn’t feel like doing dishes.

[arrowloosed]

tbh meme : every number divided by two

Are aesthetics important to you? If so, why?

Sometimes. I don’t have photoshop, so a lot of PSDs don’t work for me, and I don’t always try to do aesthetics. But I love seeing them on my dash and I’m always in awe of them. I enjoy seeing them more than I enjoy making them because I doubt my own skills basically? And I’m indecisive. 

How do you explain RP to someone in the real world? 

I do not. I’m lucky enough that almost everyone in my life that I consider a friend does RP or has done RP. The few times I’ve lived with roommates ( a couple of years ago ) who didn’t I sort of ... didn’t mean it until I was sure of them, and they already knew what it was. 

Do you prefer writing male or female muses more? 

When I was younger it was female characters, but I get drawn to the character themselves first, I believe. My original characters are mostly female. 

Name any three things about the RPC that bother you. 

I answered this in previous posts, though not exactly this question. 

Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? Either as someone who buys them or someone who makes them? 

I don’t do either because I’m poor and untalented. 

Have you ever been involved in drama? Do you regret it? 

In 2012 I had a group of close knit friends in a fandom that will remained unnamed but you can probably guess, because it was 2012. There was this entire event in which one of them sent hate to another one of us, and it was very cruel and then after several hours of being upset by this, the person in question was like ‘it’s me and it’s because _____’ which I do believe was to the tune of ‘just because I don’t like you’. I regret not recognizing that the group dynamics there were awful. 

But otherwise? No. I don’t regret reblogging callout posts for legitimate things because there are some truly nasty people in this community. I don’t consider calling out legitimately criminal and harmful behavior as drama. 

Do you believe RP has a positive or negative affect on your life as a person?

Positive, for the most part. I’ve been writing here for so long that I struggle with writing novel things because it’s a different kind of writing, but I enjoy this kind of writing so much. And the friends I’ve made? I wouldn’t trade that for the damn world. 

I’ve answered sixteen. 

-

Have you sent yourself hate on anon? 

I prefer to hate myself in the open. No I’m kidding. I’ve never sent myself anon hate. 

Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

Yes, but not really since 2012. I’ve been lucky in my recent return to the RPC. 

 What would make you block someone? 

There’s a few things. Thinking it’s okay to write racist characters, homophobic characters, antisemites / first o.rder, h/ydra ... like ... It’s not okay. Do you know how much of that happens in real life? Do you know how much I see and deal with that shit in real life? That my friends do? I don’t want to sit there and see your character be racist because you just like the character or think he has an interesting backstory. I’m going to block it and protect myself. 

Have you ever had someone steal something from you? If so, how did you react? 

Not that I’m aware of, no. 

How do you feel about vague posting? 

It makes me incredibly anxious. 

Do you read someone’s rules before following or interacting?

Always, every single time. 

How do you respond to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you interact with it or use it at all? 

I’m hesitant on this one because I don’t really know what it has to do or has to do with RP? But I try to ... investigate the sources of words, because I don’ want to appropriate something I think is slang but it actually AAVE which isn’t mine to use. If it’s not AAVE or something from a culture / minority that I shouldn’t be using, then sometimes? I speak in memes and vines a lot lmao. 

Have you ever experienced discrimination? 

I hesitate to say yes because there’s so much worse discrimination in real life but ... god people really don’t interact with female OCs, do they. I’ve also been told ( way back in 2012 ) that ‘no one cared about me talking about asexuality and to shut up’. So kind of, but nothing i actually consider a Big Deal. 

Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

Yes. I kind of love it? It’s a good emotional release. it especially happens if I’m listening to the right kind of music. 

What’s one thing that people hate that doesn’t seem to bother you? 

Reblog karma reblog karma reblog karma. Now please note: I always ALWAYS follow it because I know thats something that bothers people. But personally? It bothers me more that people either feel forced to send something in to me just to reblog something from me - if you want to send something in to interact, do. If you don’t, then please don’t. But it also bothers me that people go out of their way to have to reblog from the source? I don’t want to be used like a meme resource - please don’t go through my blog and reblog everything in my meme tag I’m begging you - but if I’ve just put something on the dash, I always feel strange about people purposefully avoiding me to go to the source. I put it on the dash, reblog it if we’re following each other? 

The only time it really bothers me is when it’s an OOC meme? Because I never want someone to feel like they’re forced to interact, but when I reblog an OOC meme and no one sends something in but everyone’s reblogging it from me, that one kind of bugs me the wrong way. This is specifically about the ‘tell me about my portrayal meme’ like it costs nothing to tell someone something nice. Of course I also ... don’t want someone to tell me something just to appease me, so IDK. 

Answered. 

[viropaulski-blog]

WHAT IS VIRO MOVE

Viro Move is one of the VR Fitness products from the team at FitReality.

This particular product is a free roaming game. As gamers and developers, we all tend to spend a lot of our lives sitting in front of our beloved gaming machines, when you work and play in the same area it’s obvious you’re not going to move very much. And so our challenge was simple, how we can use VR to help gamers to move more. As we progressed with the idea of moving gamers we realized our game was beginning to feel like a real workout. Meaning we were really beginning to sweat and feel the burn as we tested our early levels.

So we invited fitness experts into the development process to help us to mimic actual aerobics workouts, instantly we found that by stretching gameplay to the very edge we were now able to maneuver players to move around the game zone. Suddenly we had a game idea that was both engaging and healthy, and with that eureka moment Viro was born. So in a way Viro Move is our most important product of all because this is the one product which we built as gamers for gamers.

If you know our industry you will know that pitching a VR fitness game to the VR community is no easy feat. You guys know how the best VR games should look and feel, from a development sense exposing our game to the community will help us gather the right type of feedback to ensure Viro Move is the absolute best it can be.

As gamers -this is our baby. For the whole team, this will be a lifetime dream realized. We have been extra critical of every element of the game, even the tiniest details have had long late-night debates in the office. We debate and argue a lot because as gamers, we want other gamers to love the game as much as we do.

So VIRO MOVE is a free-roaming full body workout VR  game. If you are a VR gamer, you will know the BEAT SABER concept. And it will make sense if I tell you VIRO MOVE is a bit like BEAT SABER – but on steroids. For those of you who don’t know BeatSaber, I say – “OMG why not!”

BeatSabre – you have our deepest respect!

It is an amazing game that allows players to slice boxes to the beat of the soundtrack. The gaming community went wild for the gameplay. From a developer’s perspective, this game helped to propel the VR gaming community forward, faster and wider than almost all others in our industry.

Fans of that game will be happy to hear that our game has all the same wonderful game mechanics. Custom beat mapped music and that highly addictive sword slashing gameplay which amazed Jimmy Fallon and the entire VR gaming community.

In VIRO MOVE we also incorporated other game mechanics such as boxing, shooting, stretching, in-game weapons changing. Additionally, all of our levels are based on the movements from actual fitness routines. Our level designers worked with personal trainers and physiotherapists to create full body in-game movements that mimic fitness routines across multiple cardio workouts.

We began by green-screening our designers performing specific aerobics movements and then moved on to mapping specific movements from weapons training all the way to shadow boxing. For example, during a sword fight, you will complete Zumba, aerobics, dance and Kenjutsu movements without ever really knowing -You are very welcome.

*Our level designer Pawel, building lunges into his swordplay.

We designed the in-game immersive elements with an insanely high level of graphical environments along with the widest choice of intricately detailed weapons, obstacles, and environments.

Personally, I’ve played dozens of VR games, so it is difficult to shock me. However, when I first immersed myself into a Viro environment – things were moving in the background, birds were flying, the grass was blowing all around me. I mean, the guys didn’t have to make the random things in the background move for this game to be amazing, we could have had success with a much simpler environment. But the team believed the immersive experience is equally as important as the fitness routines, and honestly – it is.

Our developers pretty much incorporated every VR fitness mechanic that’s been proven to move virtual man, even invented a few new ones -and all that before the design team went back again to polish the tiniest detail. Then -and only then, they found ways to make those perfectly textured tiny details in the background move with the wind, the experience is unbelievable.

VIRO MOVE FITNESS AND WEAPONS TRAINING

Our game has incorporated boxing gloves, swords and guns as weapons to help players feel fully immersed in the gameplay. These weapons also help us to deliver training movements specific to each fighting style. I can honestly say – as an aspiring graphic designer, watching our artists drop highly detailed weapon skins every week, truly is a thing of beauty.

I’m not just blowing our trumpet here -at least, not much I hope. But I am in awe every time I see a new weapon appear. I mean, how could you not be? The weapons look so realistic, I’m super excited anytime one of the designers mails me a video flyover of his new weapon, the level of detail is inspiring. It’s hard to imagine it’s something that has been squeezed out of his head and onto a computer screen.

VIRO GUN TRAINING

I sometimes sit at my desk and zoom in on random weapons just to see the detail and effort that has been crafted into designing them.

When it comes to VIRO MOVE guns, I am the office nerd -even though when it comes to gun training, I am without question the worst player in the team. But I don’t care, Viro Move guns are my all-time favorite weapons. Our team has painstakingly crafted so many tiny details into each gun. Whenever a new gun drops I plan a good twenty or thirty minutes on photoshop – just to zoom in on a macro level so I check out the little things.

I’m not sure when I became a virtual gun nerd, but I am pretty sure it happened sometime during the last few months.

SWORD TRAINING

If you have never trained with swords, you have never lived. Holding a pair of swords on a mountain top feels nothing short of spectacular.

Now, this is my thing, training with swords is the highlight of my day. If you believe in past lives -as I now do, you will understand when I say “I’m pretty sure I was a secret Ninja in a past life”.

I just can’t get enough of VIRO’s sword training, I can train for thirty minutes alone with swords and although I am a sweaty train wreck at the end, I’m smiling all the way through.  And I honestly can’t describe it, it’s the simple things that inspire me. Like the feeling, I get by tipping two ends of the swords together before the game begins. The touch creates a vibration from the controllers in the form of a delicate sense of resistance, and happens anytime the glowing blade tips touch each other, as it would in real life, clearly! The feeling is just awesome.

BOXING TRAINING

No detail was spared. If you look closely you can see our designers even allowed for leather wear above the knuckles of this skin.

As a young man in my non-virtual life, I trained for some time to be a boxer. As it turned out I was a better Ninja than a boxer, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t relish the opportunity to use my experience and skills to get critical with our boxing level designers. Indeed, I felt this was my real opportunity to position myself as the team expert, and boy I was so very wrong.

Let me start by saying, I don’t think any of our guys have had real-life boxing training as I did. But they have worked tirelessly with professional trainers to build routines that simulate jabs, crosses, uppercuts and even under hooks and all the other boxing maneuvers my competitors used against my nose as a young man.

Watching these guys test their levels is sometimes like watching professionals shadow boxing in the gym. They have nailed all the movements, while I –the semi-professional, look and feel like a fat middle-aged dad trying to swat a nest of angry hornets. I’m getting better now, but it’s not at all like riding a bike, shadow boxing is an art form that needs time, practice and physical agility to pull off.

I need to pause a little to talk about our boxing gloves. We have an ever growing range of skins, from futuristic metal gauntlets to traditional leather and fabric gloves. Granted, you don’t get much of a chance in the game to look at the gloves, but I highly recommend that players take the time to stand there – when fully immersed, and just look at the detail that has gone into designing each of our glove skins.

Our designers have added details which to help create an enhanced sense of reality. For example, some leather gloves have ever so slight wear across the knuckles, really it’s the smallest things that make me happy sometimes.

STRETCHING

They say you should always save the best till last. I’ve always been a bit of a rule breaker and I’m not going to change today, so I have saved the worst for last. I hate stretching, I hate it more than going to the actual gym. But to be honest, it’s the most important Viro Move training tool. I try to train for twenty minutes every day and while that may not seem like a lot – trust me, after twenty minutes of Viro Move you will look and feel like you have gone ten rounds with Ivan Drago. I didn’t always make the time to use the stretching levels, which always felt like a bit of a mistake the morning after.

You can easily forget that Viro Move is a real aerobics workout – but it is, you will use muscles you didn’t know you had and if you don’t make time for stretching as part of your warm up and cool down, please expect the muscle cramp fairy to come to visit you while you sleep – and she’s not a kind lady.

Stretching is not always going to be as sexy as boxing, shooting or sword-fighting – fact, so we have put a lot of energy into making it relaxing and enjoyable, and remember most professional sports coaches will advise you to make time for stretching before and after training. Our team has built the stretching and flexibility movements into our game to help you eliminate that morning after pain. I have learned the hard way that a  six-pack is no good to anybody if you are not flexible and agile enough to stand up straight the next day. As it’s too late for me to become the next Arnold, I will settle for the ability to climb out of bed and bounce down the stairs like the sprightly twenty-year-old I still feel I am.

Stretching and flexibility are my new favorite buzz-words – still, my least favorite exercises but most probably the best thing Viro Move has given me – after swords!

MIXED MODE

I am a huge fan of Deadpool. Handsome, sarcastic, energetic, sexy, funny, muscular, worshiped by millions of women and a handful of men do you see the similarities? That’s right! Deadpool has exactly the same qualities.

The similarities don’t end there, when I play VIRO MOVE, I do so in “mixed mode”. Meaning, after I set the level, environment, music, difficulty, I can then set the game to mix weapons during gameplay. One minute I am shooting and dodging drones the next minute I’m slashing and boxing orbs. Guys, you can make believe you are Deadpool – the Ladies, we will imagine you are the lovely Laura Croft.

We built mixed mode for those of us who are experts, those who really want that extra challenge at the highest level. It’s fast, furious and even though you know a weapon change is coming, changing the weapons mid-game requires some serious practice and technique.

THE FUTURE OF VIRO

Since the initial idea we have gone on to develop other solutions for the fitness industry, but as a small team of developers, our efforts are focused on ensuring the gaming elements of all our games are the best they can be. Meaning, for sure we will help you get fit -it’s our mission in life, but we always want you to have fun in the process.

Blog is written by VIRO Paulski first published on the VIROMOVE website 

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 11

More than a week had elapsed since my last yoga session, and I was pleasantly surprised at my lack of stiffness. My iPod sat silent in the grass next to my mat…the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks proved to be the only music I required. Especially at six in the morning. The sun had just begun to rise behind us, its warmth exacerbating the flush my workout normally provided.

Simon’s skill level was far, far above mine, and some of the poses he worked through made me stop dead in my tracks as I admired the way his body seemed to defy the very laws of physics. He volunteered to work with me whenever we had the time, and I gratefully accepted, though I fully understood that a grace such as his was something that couldn’t be taught.

We chatted while cooling down, learning that our birthdays were only a day apart, his on October 30th, mine on October 31st. He found my being a Halloween baby hilarious, and I was tickled that we shared the same astrological sign. Fellow Scorpios - no wonder he’d liked my tank top. I tried to get him to reveal his birth year, but he adamantly refused until I offered mine up first. The look of delight on his face as he screeched out ‘me too!’ was adorable, and when he high-fived me and christened me his sister from another mister I embraced him and kissed his cheek, grinning at the lovely blush it caused.

I took a seat at the patio table and opened my laptop with the intention of starting work on Tom’s website design. Simon sat next to me, both of us facing the ocean, and he began typing away on his phone. He harrumphed and gave me some wicked side eye.

My brow furrowed. “For fuck’s sake, what NOW?”

He showed me his screen, scrolling through his inbox. “Seven more since last night. You’ve made an awful lot of extra work for me, woman.” I rolled my eyes. He turned on his chair to face me. “I’m curious, though…I thought you just lectured to and consulted with PR firms, which would mean their actual clients wouldn’t know much about you at all. So, it’s kinda surprising that an artist would be willing to jump ship and leave their current rep in the dust to wind up where you are, wouldn’t you say?”

I sighed and finished editing my open layer in Photoshop before replying. “I started out working directly with clients. My first was Anne Rice. She’s is a family friend and was willing to give me a cha…”

He put a hand on my shoulder and shoved. “GET. OUT. I’m assuming this means you’re from or lived in New Orleans at some point? But it mustn’t have been for long, because you have zero accent.”

“Your assumption is correct. Born there, raised there, relocated to New York City in 1998.”

He nodded emphatically. “So you dumped the accent. Understandable.”

It was my turn for side eye. “I didn’t dump it. It just…faded.”

He snorted. “Whatever you say, Maude.”

I pinched his arm, reveling in the resulting squeal he emitted. “Faded. I’m like a chameleon with accents. Soon I’ll be picking up your dialect and sounding like a pretentious asshat, too. In which case, you have my permission to kill me.”

“You can call me anything you like as long as you solemnly swear to take me to Mardi Gras next year.”

I rolled my eyes and held up my hand, palm towards him. “Simon. Please. I don’t think you’re ready for that sort of thing. But, if you start training now, we might be able to pull it off.”

He tilted his head like an oversized puppy. “Training for what? Drinking heavily? I’ve been training for that for years.”

“No. Throwing beads into the crowd. And doing the princess wave.” I demonstrated both. “Because if we go, you must ride on a parade float. It can be arranged. I know people.” I frowned. “At least, I used to know people. Anyway, what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted was that she was my first client, and it gave me a lot of clout. For which I am eternally grateful. I moved on after three years or so with her and began working directly with clients, most of whom were too small to have a decent PR firm behind them. I did everything, created websites, set up Facebook accounts, provided instructions on how to post, when to post, what to post, yada yada. Lots of hand holding and cajoling. Word spread, and bigger names took notice, which led to PR firms hiring me to work one-on-one with their clients for a specified duration. Most of them already had websites in place, so my focus shifted entirely to social media. In early 2010, I was invited to speak for two hours at a PR conference in San Diego…they wanted me to lecture on enhancing client reputation through social media. It was winter in New York, and they were willing to pay for my travel expenses so I thought, California? Fuck it, why not?”

Simon’s legs were crossed, his upper body leaning in towards me as he listened attentively. I had paused, and he motioned for me to continue.

“So, I spoke for two hours and they handed me a check for three thousand dollars. That was more than I normally made in an entire week and it blew my tiny little mind.  It seemed to be vastly less stressful than dealing with super huge egos and non-tech savvy artists and damn, the money. I adjusted my entire business model, and within a month I was turning down engagements because my calendar was full. PR firms were still asking me for assistance, so I set up a consulting procedure wherein I’d outline a plan for them to implement, collected my fee and was on my way. It was all so…easy.”

He laughed loudly. “And you decided to work for Prosper why?”

“Because my ‘easy’ job and the cash it generated had taken over my entire life. I was the job and the job was me. Much to my surprise, lecturing and consulting long term turned out to be a soul sucking bore…and it transformed me into a miserable drudge. I am, at heart, a creative individual and I missed doing graphic and website design, photography, and learning new things. Terribly. Working for Prosper allows me to do all that again, and then some. That’s why.”

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his chin with one hand. “And I’m sure it has nothing to do with the exquisite creature sleeping soundly in your bed right now.”

“No, it doesn’t. He was actually the reason why I seriously considered declining Luke’s offer.” Simon looked puzzled, but I didn’t elaborate. “So. Why did you leave such a prestigious position at the Dorchester to become a PA? Just for Luke? Or is there more to the story?”

He grinned. “Damn, turned it right around on me, didn’t you? Touché, my friend. I went to university for business management and administrative assistance, and worked in the field until 2005. Cooking had always been my passion, and I had some sort of spiritual awakening wherein I decided I absolutely needed to become a professional chef or else I would shrivel up and die. So I did. I moved from place to place, learning, working, partying my ass off, and finally landed the sous chef spot at the Dorchester in 2009. It was dandy at first, but as the years passed I felt like I’d grown stagnant, doing the same thing night after night, having little input on menu changes and so on. Like you, I was bored. I was averaging 70 hours a week in that kitchen, cut off from the world, and it hit me that all I had gotten out of it was a nicely padded bank account…and that there was no one to share it with. I’d always loved being around lots of people, and there I was seeing nothing but the same damn faces day in and day out. In 2013 I happened across Luke’s ad, reworked my resume, and the rest is history. Unlike you, though, I don’t think I would have taken the job if it wasn’t for him, because the salary was abysmal. As soon as I saw him, I knew. He was it. The one. Love at first sight. I thank my lucky stars every single day that he felt the same way.”

After wiping the tears from his eyes, he took hold of my hand. “Maude, I don’t know if he’s mentioned it or not, but Tom’s had a rough time of it lately, and I’m so, so happy that you’ve found each other.”

“Me too, Simon.” I smiled, letting go of his hand. “Now, please, for the love of all things holy, shut your cake hole so I can get some work done, okay?”

“God, you are such a bitch.”

“I am. And you’re still talking. Cease.”

We worked quietly, side by side, until Luke poked his head out the doors to inquire as to when Simon planned on getting his butt in the kitchen and making some breakfast. As he got up from his chair, he peered over my shoulder at my laptop screen. I had a basic layout set and was in the process of choosing a color combination that would contrast perfectly.

“Wow, that’s a right brilliant color palette you have there, Maude. Is that for Tom’s site?”  

I nodded. “Does it look…familiar?”

He stared. “Yes…maybe…should it?”

I opened the tab that contained the HD photo of Tom’s eye that I’d drawn all my color options from. “Tada.”

Simon poked my shoulder and called for Luke to come see. He padded out onto the lanai, looked over my shoulder, nodded, then put his hands on his hips.

“So, when are you going to use your magic to revamp the Prosper site?”

I closed my laptop and put my head in my hands, then pushed my chair back and went to wait in the kitchen, muttering to myself about peace and solitude and how I couldn’t find any even though I was in paradise.

Tom bounded our of our bedroom just as Simon was plating our pancakes and bacon, freshly showered, wearing a pair of faded, loose fitting jeans and a tight, light blue V-neck tee. I leaned back on my bar stool and around the counter to look at his feet. Scuffed, well-worn boots. When my eyes finally made their way up to his face I was greeted with a dazzling, toothy smile. I groaned.

Simon pinched his cheeks. “Lovely of you to join us, Thomas.”

Tom lowered himself elegantly onto the stool to my right, resting his hand on my spandex-clad thigh as he leaned in to kiss me.

“Good morning, Maude. How was yoga?”

“Spectacular, actually. Simon and I had a lovely chat and I even managed to get some work done in spite of it.” He laughed and began slowly sliding his hand up my leg, edging ever closer to the apex of my thighs. Simon set our plates in front of us, raising a brow as he spied what Tom was up to.

“Um, excuse me. This is a fine dining establishment, people. No foreplay is permitted.” I glanced up from my plate and saw Luke directly behind him, hand cupping Simon’s ass.

“Whatever, asshole.” I pointed at my short stack. “Do you have syrup for these?”

He pulled a pot off the stove and spooned some of its contents onto them. “Made with fresh pineapples. Especially for you.”

All eyes were on me as they waited for a reaction. I broke off a hunk of pancake with my fork and shoved it in my mouth. “Mmm, yummy. Thank you.” Luke looked at Tom, who shrugged. I took another bite of breakfast. “Yeah, nice try, losers. I happen to like pineapples. Just not on pizza.”

Tom put his arm around my waist, pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head. “I had nothing to do with this. I swear it.”

I said nothing, ripping off a piece of bacon with my teeth instead. He tapped his fork on his plate.

“So, Maude, I was thinking…maybe we could take a ride out to Talk Story today? I called to see if Alani would be in, and she is.” I spun the stool around in his direction, dumbfounded. He smiled. “I did say I’d go back to meet her, did I not?”

“Yes. Yes you did.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “What an amazingly generous thing to do. Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet. You’re going to be the one in charge of crowd control.” He stole a strip of bacon from my plate and swallowed it down before I could even muster a protest.

“I’d rather corral a group of a hundred people than have to sit next to you while I’m trying to eat a fucking meal, bacon stealer. And everything else stealer.”

He snickered, and I wolfed down the rest of my food, rinsed my dishes, put them in the dishwasher and headed for the bedroom, finally noticing that Luke and Simon had disappeared. I wrote a giant ‘thanks for breakfast’ on the chalkboard in the kitchen and drew a smiley face to go with it, figuring we wouldn’t be seeing them again before we left.

*************************************** After my much needed shower, I wound up standing in my underwear, staring into yet another wardrobe wondering what the hell to wear. Tom looked too damn good for me to get away with shorts and a T-shirt, and my black tank dress just didn’t scream ‘please behave and listen to the nice lady’. Tom was waiting patiently for me, sitting at the desk answering emails and returning calls. I looked at his boots, then back and my limited selection of dresses. The brown chiffon galaxy print sleeveless wasn’t an exact match, but pretty damn close. I pulled it off its hanger and laid it on the bed so I could unzip the back without it winding up on the floor, chastising myself for giving in to my everything-must-coordinate OCD once again. I slipped it over my head, put my arms through the proper holes and managed to zip it up on my own, then went into the bathroom to figure out a hair strategy.

I’d just wrestled it into a braid when I overheard Tom talking in the bedroom.

“How’s Los Angeles? Elsa? Kids? Good to hear. Oh, she’s unbelievable, Chris. Here, I’ll take you in and you can meet her.” He came around the corner carrying his open laptop.

“Chris Hemsworth, Maude Gallagher.” He turned the screen toward me, and there he was, Thor, God of Thunder. In my bathroom. He held up a hand in greeting.

“Hello, Maude. Nice to meet you. See you? Skype you?” He face palmed. “I have no idea what the correct terminology is.” I heard a woman yell in the background that meet was fine and for him to bring the tablet over to her so she could see me. He got up and walked into another room, and a beautiful blonde woman came into view alongside Chris. She waved madly.

“Look at you, you’re gorgeous. A natural beauty. And that dress…I am in love with it. You must tell me where you found it.” Her accent was a delight. She grinned. “I’m Elsa, by the way. Tom has told us so much about you I feel like I know you already.”

I waved at them. “Hi there. Lovely to meet you both. I’d like to say Tom has told me so much about you, but that would be a big fat lie, so suffice to say I’m sure he will tell me so much about you when we aren’t quite so…so…shit, what’s the word I’m looking for here?”

Tom moved to stand next to me, shifting the laptop so we were both visible, smirking. “Preoccupied. The word you’re looking for is preoccupied.”

They laughed, and Chris grabbed at Elsa. “Remember when we were always preoccupied?”

She slapped his hand. “Oh yes. I do.  And that’s why now we’re preoccupied with three little ones, my darling Christopher.” I heard children crying in the background. Elsa said a quick goodbye and ran off, and Chris followed suit so he could assist.

Tom put the laptop on the counter and pulled me to him, hands on my ass as he pressed me up against his crotch and rammed his tongue in my mouth, then backed away quickly, leaving me panting. “Well, I guess we should get going.”

I shot him a scathing look. “We should. But I have to pee first.” He walked out into the bedroom. As I sat on the toilet, I weighed my options for getting even. I mentally high fived myself as I pulled my underwear off over my feet and left them on the bathroom floor.

*************************************** We parked a block down from Talk Story, and I scouted ahead and left Tom in the Jeep. My gladiator sandals clicked on the sidewalk as I half-jogged to my destination, anxious to see if Alani was at the desk. She was, and I texted him to come on down. He ran to meet me, and I stopped him from holding the door for me and letting me go in first.

“Nope, you should be the first thing she sees.” I had my phone all ready to go in order to capture the moment, planning on sending her a copy as a keepsake. He walked through, and she looked up as the bell dinged to announce that someone had entered the store and the look on her face was one I knew I’d remember forever. He approached her, hand extended, and I was right behind him.

“Hello, Alani. I’m Tom.” She remained motionless. He turned to me. “This is Maude. We were here on Monday, and she told me that you’re a fan of my work and would perhaps enjoy meeting me.” She nodded, gingerly lifting her arm up but unable to make herself grab his hand. He took the initiative, holding it to his lips and kissing it demurely. She squealed, so high pitched I thought my ears might bleed. Four other girls came running out of the stacks, took one look at him, and began jumping up and down, screaming, phones in hand. I stopped filming so I could set the boundaries before any issues arose, stepping between them and Tom.

“Hi, ladies. I’m Maude, Tom’s social media manager. Let’s go over some ground rules, okay?” They lowered their phones and nodded. “Tom wants to be able to take pictures, sign for and chat with all of you, but in order for him to be able to do so you need to make sure you don’t post anything to social media until after we leave the premises. No texting or calling, either. If a crowd turns up, we’ll have to cut things short, and where’s the fun in that?”  

A husky, bearded, bespectacled man came out from the stacks, wearing a white and green palm leaf print Hawaiian shirt and khaki hiking shorts. “Girls, what the heck is going on up here? Why all the screaming? You know people prefer quiet when they…” He stopped short when he saw Tom, his mouth dropping open, then quickly closing as he grew closer, hand proffered. I figured he was the owner, so I let him pass.

“Aloha, Mr. Hiddleston. I’m Roger Marshal, and Talk Story is my baby. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate your stopping by again…the girls were so bummed when they learned they’d missed you on Monday.”

Tom shook his hand vigorously. “Thank you for having me. Your establishment is outstanding…I’m a bit of a bibliophile, and if I had my druthers I’d be perusing the shelves here for days on end. My apologies for dashing off so quickly when I was in last, but I had a prior obligation and thought it better to come back when I had more time to spend.” He turned to me. “This is Maude Gallagher, my social media manager.”

I offered my hand and he clasped it gently with one of his, then placed the other on top. “Maude, nice to meet you. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you both?”

“Actually, would you happen to have a room available that’s a bit more private?”

He nodded, then turned his attention to the desk. “Sure thing. Alani, why don’t you show our guests to the staff lunch room?” Her eyes lit up, and the faces of the rest of the staff fell. “Girls, you go too. I’ll cover the desk.” They thanked him in unison between excited giggles.

I tried to hang back behind Tom, but he slowed and fell into step with me and slipped his arm around me, hand on my lower back, whispering in my ear. “The way you jumped in and took charge did…things…to me, Maude.” His let his hand glide lower and lower, halting when he reached the spot where the waistband of my underwear should be. He felt around with his fingers, over my hip, diving quickly down into the crease of my left buttock then back up to my waist, gripping me just a smidge too hard.

I met his gaze, noting his narrowed eyes and the way his tongue darted out over and over to lick his lips. I smirked and whispered back. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I forgot to mention that I’m not wearing any panties. They sorta fell off back at the house and are lying on the bathroom floor, all alone and unloved.” The hand on my waist began to shake as we reached the staff room and he began breathing deeply as he attempted to keep his shit together. And round two of Friday’s Titillation Tease goes to…me.

Tom spent nearly two hours taking selfies, videos, signing anything the girls could get their hands on, and answering their seemingly unlimited supply of questions. The giant cup of tea I’d had on the ride over had finally hit my bladder, and I excused myself and went off in search of the bathrooms. There was only a one, unisex, located all the way on the other side of the store, tucked into an alcove deep in the stacks. Nice and roomy, too. I envisioned Tom fucking me up against the wall, then scolded myself for my blatant lack of restraint as I texted him precisely what I’d been thinking while I walked back to the staff room.

Roger had come back to check on them, which Tom took as an indicator that it was time to wrap things up. He was hugging each of the girls goodbye in turn as they left the room, saving Alaini for last. She rested her head on his chest, facing me, and mouthed ‘he smells like a FOREST’ while hugging him tightly. Up until that moment, I hadn’t been sure whether she recognized me or not. She stepped back and looked at both of us.

“This has been, like, the best day of my life. I can never thank you enough.” Her eyes shone with tears. “Would it be okay if I took a picture of you guys together?”

I smiled. “Of course. But I think it would be better if you were in it, too.” We posed, and Tom held out her phone to get the shot. I was entering my Prosper email address into her phone so she could send me a copy and she was putting hers in mine so I could send her the video from earlier when she cleared her throat.

She looked up shyly. “Um, I don’t mean to be rude or get in your business or anything, but I was just, you know, wondering…” She swallowed. “Are you guys, like, a couple?”

Tom grinned. “Is it that obvious?”

Her brow furrowed. “Well, you know, I saw what you posted on Twitter yesterday and I was like, hmm, and I know you guys work together and now seeing you in person…yeah. It’s pretty obvious, I guess.”

Tom took my hand. “Yes, Alani. Maude isn’t just my social media manager…she’s my girlfriend as well. And can I let you in on a little secret?” She nodded, awestruck. “When you saw us here on Monday, that was the very first time we met. So you played a rather important role in what turned out to be the best day of my life so far.”

I kissed his cheek. “Mine too, Alani.”

Alani flopped onto the nearest chair, clutching her hands to her chest. “That. Is. So. Romantic.” She leapt back up and hugged me. “We all want him for ourselves, but if he has to be with someone else, I’m really glad it’s you.”  

I patted her on the back. “Thank you. Hearing you say that means so much…honestly, I don’t have the words to express properly how it made me feel.” We let go of each other, and she made her way back to the desk.

I turned to Tom. “I need to hit the bathroom again before we head out.” He nodded and followed my lead. He didn’t mention my text, and I assumed he hadn’t read it yet. We didn’t see another soul on the way there, and the stacks outside the alcove were deserted as well. I recalled my vision of Tom fucking me against the bathroom wall and decided this was going to be my shining moment of public indecency. I opened the door, stepped in, then turned around to face him, left eyebrow raised.

“Want to join me?” I licked my lips. He barged past me into the bathroom, fingers already working to unbuckle his belt.

“I thought you’d never ask.” I locked the door, then did a 180. He held his fully engorged cock in his right hand, stroking it, catching any drips with his left. “I do believe I need to put this somewhere immediately so I don’t make a terrible mess on the floor.”

I bit my bottom lip as I tilted my head to the side. “I think I’ve got just the place for it.”

He ceased his stroking in order to back me up against the wall, growling in my ear. “Oh yes. You most certainly do.” He bent his knees as he lifted the front of my dress up to my waist, and I wrapped my leg around his, grinding my dripping pussy against him while I rubbed my clit. He groaned, and I slipped my glistening finger into his mouth. He sucked on it, and I felt the head of his cock at my entrance and his hands cupping my ass, his full weight on me, pressing me firmly against the cool tile.

He was panting. “Put your other leg around me and your arms around my neck.” I did the latter, but scoffed at the former.

“Um, there is no way in hell you’re going to be able to hold me up.”

He leaned forward to stare into my eyes, and his expression made me whimper. “Leg. Up. Now. Please.” As I complied he sheathed himself fully. I tried to bite back a ridiculously loud moan but was only partially successful. His mouth met mine, tongues dancing around each other. He pulled back.

“Maude, my apologies, but once I start moving I fear I’m going to last all of thirty seconds. If I’m fortunate.”

I clamped down on him. He began thrusting wildly, and I focused all my energy on not coming before he did. I was doing well until he started whispering in my ear using his Loki voice.

“Give in, mortal. Come for me. I know you’ve dreamed of this, me fucking into you for all I’m worth, you pinned against the wall, unable to sway those mesmerizing hips and have your way with me as you ride my cock to find your own selfish pleasure.”

He pounded into me, almost savagely, and as he felt my walls begin to flutter he put his hand over my mouth.

“Not. A. Sound.” I came, my scream trapped beneath his hand, the wet sounds of him moving in and out of me echoing eerily off the bathroom walls. “That’s it. Look at you, coming and coming all over my cock. So, so beautiful.”

He let his hand drop, and I could feel his thrusts becoming more erratic as I stared at him, his face red, jaw clenched, the veins on his neck standing out with his exertion. His head tipped back, fingers digging into the underside of my thighs, and his entire body shuddered as he orgasmed, come spurting hot inside me. I let my legs slide down one at a time, planting my feet as firmly as I possibly could despite the fact that they felt like they were made of Jell-O.  

He rested his head on my shoulder, and I rubbed his back. “I guess this means you got my text after all.” I felt him nod. “Well, if this is what not wearing underwear gets me, I’m never putting on another fucking pair ever again.”

We both laughed, quickly cleaned ourselves up, and I peeked out the door to make sure the coast was clear. Still not a soul around, and we said a final goodbye to Alani on our way out and proceeded to walk back to the Jeep. We sat for a while, neither of us feeling quite capable of driving.

He leaned over to kiss me, hand on the back of my neck, grinning as he pulled away. “I’m famished. Want to grab something to eat before we head back?”

“You already know the answer to that.” I noticed the street getting a bit congested, a small pack of women heading in our direction and what appeared to be a local news crew up the road a bit…I pulled out my phone and checked Alani’s Twitter feed. She’d posted the photo of all of us.

Here’s me just a little while ago with Tom Hiddleston and his girlfriend, Maude. He smells like a pine forest, and she’s super nice. #bestdayever, #thankyoutomandmaude

I showed it to him. “I’m thinking maybe we should stop somewhere a little further down the road. You?”

He started the Jeep, put it in first and stalled it as he tried to pull away from the curb, and then again on his second try. He smiled at me sheepishly. “Perhaps you’d better drive.”

“Gee, ya think?” We got out and switched places. I shook my head. “What a newb.”

He crossed his arms. “I am not a newb. I’m just out of practice is all.”

I patted his thigh as we got to the highway. “Right. Rusty stick skills. I remember.”

He chortled. “Yours remain top notch though, my love.”

I smiled smugly. “They do, don’t they?”

He raised his index finger. “Although, technically, you didn’t actually make use of them this go round, did you?”

“I’ll make up for it next time.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“Well I’d fucking hope you’d hold me to it. That’s the whole point.” I saw a McDonald’s sign in the distance. “Dude, I want some French fries in the WORST way. And a chocolate milkshake. You game?’

“I most certainly am.”

“If you behave I’ll let you have my cherry.”

“Bit late for that, isn’t it?”

“How rude.”

“Perhaps. But true.”

“Not entirely true.”

“What do you mean, not entirely true?”

I turned off the highway and into the parking lot. The drive through line was mobbed, but the lot itself was relatively empty. “I mean that the fact that it’s a bit late for you to have my cherry is only partially correct.”

He stared at me as I engaged the parking brake, puzzled, then shook his head. “I’m not following.”

The left corner of my mouth scrunched up in mock irritation. “Really? Are you sure?” He shrugged, palms up. “Think about all we’ve…done.”

“Maude.”

“Good. Now think about what we haven’t done.” I gave him a few moments to review, watching his face closely so I’d see it dawn on him. 3…2…1…aaaannndd there it was. His jaw slackened, hips lifting almost imperceptibly. “That’s right. I’ve played around, sure, but as far as actually having a cock in my ass…nope. Which means, technically, my anal cherry is still intact.”

He covered his face with his hands, groaning, but said nothing.

I went in for the kill. “So, Thomas…tell me. Would you like my cherry?”

Shaking his head, face still hidden, he spoke in a low voice. “Maude.” He paused, remaining silent for quite some time, seemingly avoiding my question. I wondered if I’d overstepped some sort of boundary, pushing him too far.

My mind was racing, and I frowned. “Wow.  I’m really sorry, Tom.”

He uncovered his face to take my hand, gazing at me with eyes full of concern. “Whatever for?”

“Because I put you on the spot there and just assumed it’s something you’d want to participate in. I didn’t stop to think that it’s something that might not be up everyone’s alley.” I rolled my eyes. “That didn’t come out…shit…DAMN. Anyway, that was incredibly presumptuous and I apologize for letting myself get so carried away. Please don’t feel like it’s something you have to…”

He leaned in to kiss me forcefully, covering my entire mouth with his, tongue darting over my lips, then pulled away before I could fully engage. “May I answer your question now?”

I shook my head. “Tom, you don’t need…”

“I know I don’t need to, but I WANT to. My answer is, with undeniable certainty, yes. Please accept my apology for not answering straight away. I’m afraid I was too busy thinking about how deliciously tight you’re going to feel around me and then I remembered that you aren’t wearing panties and it was all I could do to stop myself from dragging you onto my lap and fucking you right here in the McDonald’s parking lot.”

His eyes met mine, nostrils flaring, pupils blown wide open. Never before had I been able to do this to a man, make him want me so desperately using nothing but words. He squeezed my hand.

“That you’d trust me with something so intimate, bequeathing me such a precious gift, wishing to share something that you’ve not yet experienced with another, is…I’m honored, humbled, awestruck…so very many things.” He smiled timidly. “I’ve never been someone’s first anything before.”

My brows shot up, but I managed to keep my mouth shut.

“Maude, there’s something I’d like to ask you, but…”

“Shoot.”

“All right. This may be terribly intrusive, and feel free to not answer it if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, but…knowing what I do about you, sexually, I’m…surprised…that you…erm, never…anyway, I suppose I’m just wondering why.”

I sighed. Good job, Maude. This is what you get for trying to be a seductress.

“Long story short, you’re only the fourth person I’ve been intimate with. The first two were before I was twenty and not even remotely interested in such a thing. By the third I was very interested, but things fell apart before it happened.” I put my arms on the steering wheel and rested my forehead on them for a moment, then raised my head and turned to him. I couldn’t quite read the expression on his face.

“Okay, I’m not sure if that look means ‘I didn’t need to hear that’ or ‘wow, only three, what a loser’.”

He shook his head. “It’s neither. Well, maybe a bit of the first one, because the idea of you being with someone else is much more unpleasant than I would have imagined, but…it was mostly surprise that such an incredibly beautiful, intelligent, hilarious woman wouldn’t have men lining up to be with her.”

“Thomas. Stop being so fucking wonderful, won’t you? Christ. There was no line, believe me. I’ve always been at least a little chubby, but after I moved to New York I put on a huge amount of weight. There are reasons for that, but that’s another story for another time. By 2003 I was tipping the scales at two hundred and forty-seven pounds. I’ve always been a confident person, and I honestly never cared what anyone else thought about the way I looked, but…you know what I’m getting at here, I think. In late 2008 I started feeling like shit, and Anne, who’d nearly died due to undiagnosed diabetes in 2003, pushed me to see a doctor. Sure enough, that was the problem. It was early, and resolvable with lifestyle modifications. So, I kicked myself in the ass, and over the next year I lost more than eighty pounds, and that was when I…a woman in her sexual prime, in the best shape of her life…met number three. God bless him…I was on a mission, making up for lost time and he could barely keep up with me. One time I actually thought he was going to need an ambulance…sheese, why I am telling you this? Yikes. Sorry. Lord knows I don’t want to hear anything like it from you.” I unbuckled my seat belt. “Let’s pretend this never happened and go get those milkshakes, m’kay?”

He grabbed my arm as I opened the door, and I turned to meet his gaze. “I…Maude…I just…you are…everything about you…” He shook his head. “I fall deeper in love with you with every passing moment.”

“Right back atcha, baby.” He laughed. “Yeah. No way I was going to try and out-eloquent you there. Waste of time and energy.”

We went inside, his arm around my shoulders, and ordered two Happy Meals when we saw the new toys were Minions. Neither of us could resist playing with them as we ate. Tom went back for a Big Mac and chicken nuggets, which I shared. He stuck his fingers in through the lid of my milkshake, deftly picking up the cherry and popping it in his mouth, a huge smile on his face.

We both used the bathroom, separately, and as we were walking back to the Jeep I heard the voice of a young boy.

“Mom, Mom! That man over there! That’s the man you’re always looking at on your computer!”

A woman replied to him. “Mason, what are you talking ab…?” And with that, I knew she’d seen Tom. I pulled at his shirt, and he looked down at me and nodded. We turned around and waved. The woman was about my age, maybe a little older, and she looked like she might die of embarrassment when she realized we’d overheard their conversation. Tom strode over, hand extended.

“Hi there. Tom Hiddleston. And you are?” She moved as if in a trance, hand out, and he grasped it gently and shook.

“I…uh…um…Sarah. I’m Sarah. And this is my son, Mason.”

Tom beamed and shook Mason’s hand as well. “Lovely to meet you both.”

Sarah reached into her purse, dug around and pulled out a Coriolanus program. She cleared her throat. “I heard that you’d be on the island and I’ve been carrying this with me, you know, just in case.”

He took it from her. “Were you in attendance?”

Mason piped up. “We flew all the way across two oceans so she could go see your show. I saw Big Ben. It was really cool.”

Sarah was bright red. “I saw it twice, actually, but didn’t have time to stay after.”

Tom pulled a sharpie out of his back pocket. “May I?”

She grinned. “Please do.” He signed his name, as well as a message. ‘Sorry to have missed you there, but better late than never. Glad to finally have met you. XO’”

As he handed it back to her he asked if she’d like a picture with him. He introduced us, and I volunteered to do the honors so Mason could squeeze in as well. I gave him my Minion to keep him occupied while I took some shots of just Sarah and Tom. He held it up to give it back to me when I handed Sarah back her phone.

“Nope, buddy, that’s yours now.” I held out my hand to Tom and he put his toy in it. “In fact, you can have Tom’s too. This way he gets to stay with his friend and won’t be lonely.” He thanked me so quietly I could barely hear him, eyes full of wonder at what to an adult was such a small gesture.

Tom hugged them both goodbye, and Sarah embraced me as well. She smiled at my surprise. “Thank you, both of you, so much.”

Tom put his arm around my waist as we walked the rest of the way back to the Jeep, placing a quick kiss on the top of my head.

“It is my personal opinion that you’re a much kinder, gentler person than you’d like everyone to believe.”

I sighed. “Yeah, yeah. And it’s all your fucking fault, too.”

[soldierheartcd]

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for every ‘@’ sent (anon or not) I WILL mention and post some positivity about a fellow tumblr user

What better way to start than by mentioning, loveaddiicted, the person who was kind enough to send in this ask? I’ve known Julie for like ever, and it’s pretty safe to say that her talent has only increased over the years. I mean, honestly. Her blog just went completely original, and she’s writing each of her like twenty muses so well. She knows each one inside and out, and they each have their own story. No two are a lot alike, and that’s impressive. And her Photoshop creations? I’m envious tbh. I wish I knew how to make all of that pretty stuff. Like, especially the icons. She also runs a pretty awesome meme blog, so go and check that one out if you haven’t already. Yeah, Julie is basically all kinds of awesome, and she does a lot for the community. I mean, who else would ask for opinions about who people want to see on the dash as potential faceclaims and then actually take those suggestions to heart and use them? Go. Follow.

Let’s talk about galaxyraised next. I’m tagging that blog, just in case she decides to go through with changing Mellie’s URL before this posts. Random, but I think that the name Zanza is super unique. I like it. I’m a recently new follower of hers, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t a fan beforehand. I’ve seen some of her threads with Nic on my dash, and I always thought she had a lot of talent. Then she made a PRESIDENT Mellie Grant blog, and I couldn’t help but hit that follow button. I went back and finally checked out the multimuse, and there are so many great characters on there that I want to write with. I’m just a little afraid to ask, because the characters I want to write them with on my end are from lesser known fandoms. That’s beside the point, though. Zanza’s Photoshop skills are literally off the charts tbh. Each creation is just so, so gorgeous? Teach me your ways, please and thank you. We haven’t actually spoken out of character yet, but from what I’ve seen, she seems like such a lovely and wonderful person who deserves all of the happiness and then some. But yeah, I’m so glad I finally got over whatever was wrong with me and finally started writing with her, because it’s been nothing short of great so far.

Okay, the final shoutout goes to weatheredworn. I have been a fan of Emily’s for a long while now. In the beginning, I was worried that she was too elite for an original character like mine, but wow. She’s quite literally one of the sweetest people on this entire website. I just really enjoy seeing her on my dash, and I’m so glad that I finally decided to actually follow her. Each one of her muses is written so, so well, and she’s not afraid to go into detail and type up lengthy replies. We have one going on right now that I’ve been in love with from the starter. Speaking of her starters, I was able to tell within two seconds that she’d taken the time to read my semi finished bio and get to know Delia a little bit, and that meant a lot. Much like the other two people I mentioned in this ask, her Photoshop skills are on a whole other level. I’m quite literally in awe of each of her graphics. Like, don’t even get me started. Oh, and also her formatting. Basically, everything about Emily’s blog is super pretty. And then there’s the meme blog she runs that just has such a variety to choose from. This community most certainly wouldn’t be the same without her, and I am forever grateful that she was kind enough to give Delia and me a chance.