#please look at this and go insane with me
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whorelaud · 2 days ago
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ê’Šê’· ïč destory me on camera ÂĄ
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pairing best friend!rafe x OF creator!reader
summary Rafe finger fucking you for you OF content, not because he's been dying to lay his hands on you, and carress every curve of your body, after only being able to admire such view through the screen. 
contains smut, fingering (obvi), cameras, squirting, spit as lube, dirty talk, praise & degradation, teasing, brief mention of rafe jerking off to your videos, perv rafe...? wc; 2k
a/n this had me insane i needed to do it omff i hope you enjoy as much as i did writing it!! bsf rafe is such a whore he needs his own appreciation :p
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"Pretty please, Rafe?" Your lips jut into a pout, eyes innocently fluttering up at him. Your hand lightly trailed up his thigh, landing right around his crotch, where his cock was already leaking with pre-cum, desperare to be caressed by your pretty, delicate fingers. "C'mon, you don't want to be mean to your best friend, do you?" 
"You're insane, you know that?" He barely managed to stutter out a breath, arms haunched over the couch, where he was struggling to maintain his position, and hold back from pushing your head down on his cock. 
"Is that a yes?" You excitedly perked up, face mere inches away from Rafe's. You planted a small kiss to his cheek, moving away before he could process the gesture. "Thank you, I'll make sure you won't regret it." 
"Do something before I change my mind, then." He shot back, causing you to shove his arm. A breath knocked out of his chest at the lack of warmness when you moved away to stand to your feet. His gaze followed your figure, halting just around your cleavage, where your boobs laid exposed to the chilly air, barely covered by the sheer, see through top you were wearing.
Rafe's gaze furrowed upon landing on the hand you offered him, hesitating to accpet the touch till you further explained. "You don't think I'm gonna let you fuck me here, do you?" You questioned, sly grin plastering across your lips. Rafe's throat dried at the statement, failing to keep his compusure, and feign nonchalance over whatever the hell stunt you were pulling on him. "Let's go to the room, I already have the camera set up." 
"You do?" He mumbled, letting you drag him towards your room. You nodded, twisting the doorknob open, and revealing the set up you had going on, camera adjusted over the bed, the same view he was used to witnessing through the screen while he secretly got off to your videos. 
"I've got to be prepared," you giggled, letting go of his hand, and throwing yourself on the bed with a thud. You plopped your arms on the bed, crossing your legs seductively, as your skirt rid up your thighs, revealing the plump flesh hidden beneath the material. That alone had Rafe's cock stirring in his pants, desperate to explore your whole body, dive in your pussy till he no longer could coherent normal words out. "Knew you'd agree to this." 
"What made you sure I was gonna agree to this?" He cocked his head to the side, fingers finding your ankle, as he deliberately traced the soft skin, leading all the way to your thighs. You tilted your head back, groping your tits through the fabric, the action immediately earning a grunt out of Rafe. 
"I know my best friend," you shuddered out a breath, tugging the sheer of your top down, causing goosebumps to instantly break out across your chest. "You wouldn't say no to this." 
"Fuck, yeah I won't." He hissed, grasping one of your tits in his hold. He squeezed the fatty flesh, kneading and carressing your nipple in between his fingers, until it was hard and perky. His attention settled in between your thighs, admiring the wet mess he made out of you, a wet patch visible through your lace panties. "While you look fucking great in those, I need them off your body now." 
"Relax, Rafe, I'm not goin' anywhere." You teased, gliding your tongue over your teeth, as you leisurely tugged at the strings of your panties, merely to mess with Rafe, and get a reaction out of him. "Why don't you get the camera rolling first? Then I'll give you what you want." 
"Fuck, how do I start this thing?" Rafe mumbled, pressing random buttons to get the camera started. His gaze fixed on the small lense, gulping at the sight of you practically half naked on the bed. Fuck, you looked surreal, out of world, he wished this wasn't just for content. "Is it on?" 
You nodded upon spotting the little red light, waving him over with your hand. "How are we doin' this?" You asked, shuffling around for Rafe to squeeze himself behind you, quickly relaxing in his arms after he adjusted his position. A yelp almost shrieks past your parted lips as Rafe's hardon brushes over your lower back, clearly as turned on as you were, probably ever more. "Comfortable?" 
"Don't worry about me," he hummed in your ear, bunching your hair to the side, where he could catch glimpse of your figure loose in his hold. He began by toying with the necklace hugging your neck, trailing his hand all the way down to your cleavage. From soothing circles turned into him groping you through the fabric, kneading the skin in his hand, the moans you mewled out like music to his ears. "Moaning like a fucking slut, huh, that feel' good?" 
His name threatened to leave your mouth, washed down by a gasp when his lips brushed over the blade of your shoulder, littering wet, open-mouthed kisses to it as his fingers continuously massaged your tits, immediately releasing them when he tugged the fabric down. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, teeth grazing over his throat, far overwhelmed by the pleasure from the touch. 
"You gonna let me fuck you in front of that camera?" Rafe whispered, mostly to you, dragging his hand down your lower stomach, past the waistband of your skirt. He pushed it up your waist, gaze settling on the camera lense as he fingered at your panties, sliding then beneath the fabric, as he toyed with it back and forth, the action teasing, causing you to arch your back. "Such a desperate slut, aren't you? Dying for my fingers to fuck your needy pussy." 
"Mhm," you nodded, lips pressing into a thin line to contain your whines from scooping out, not wanting to come off needy, though your body language spoke otherwise. "Fuck me, please, destroy me on camera for everyone to see, 'want your fingers inside me." 
Using the arm wrapped around your waist, Rafe pressed you down as he managed to slide the lace panties off, the action casual, yet deliberate, oblivious to your fucked-out state, and the mess he created out of you. 
He almost chuckled, amused by the ragged whine that escaped your throat, lips parting with awe, as Rafe glides his digits up and down your folds, fingering at your sensitive clit, making you squirm in his arms. It felt heavenly, most times, you had to fake your reaction for content, but with Rafe? It came flawlessly, his fingers worked magic. 
He traced your hole with the tip of his long digits, collecting your juices in the process of sliding his fingers up and down your hole, until your cunt was drenched with your arousal. 
Pride swelled his chest, knowing he was the cause of this, as well as the whines you kept letting out, far too gone to acknowledge the camera yet rolling. Rafe used your parted lips as an opportunity to slip his fingers inside, taking in the sensation of your hot spit gliding over the digits, desperately licking off your juices clean. 
A groan knocks out Rafe's mouth, as his fingers exit your mouth with a pop, the sound causing him to twitch in his pants. He was rock hard, it was starting to hurt, he could not wait to get off while remincing over your little moans that displayed how eager you were to have him, feeding into his sick fantasies. 
"So good with your fingers," you praised, encouraging him to continue rubbing circles to your clit, flicking the nub over and over again, till your cunt was slick with (your) spit. 
"Such a fucking whore." He murmurs, lips ghosting over the shell of your ear. His attention fixed on your cunt, hole gripping around nothing, and leaking with your juices. Turned on was underestimating how Rafe felt in the moment, heat pooling past his neck, until it settled on his face, tinting his cheeks a deep shade of red. 
"Fuckkk..." You trailed off, fluttering your lashes through hooded eyes. Your body jerked as Rafe spread your folds with his fingers, revealing your glistening nub, coated with a glossy layer. "You like playing with your best friend's pussy baby?" 
Rafe palmed your cunt at the statement, the gesture spiraling a wave of pleasure through your insides. Rafe's grunts were barely audible, though they were loud and clear like music to your ears, only for you to hear and enjoy. 
The latter eventually decided to quit teasing you and line his fingers with your entrance, tracing them up and down, only inserting the tip of his digits to test you. You whined in protest, wiggling for a fraction, anything to help with your pent up sexual frustration, one only Rafe, your best friend could relieve. 
He easily slid a finger inside, immediately engulfed with the warmness of your cunt, as you clenched around him, growing blinded by pleasure. He moved slowly; with a purpose, exploring each and every inch of you, afraid he'd miss out if he didn't pay you enough attention. 
"Such a pathetic doll, letting your best friend ruin your pussy with his fingers." He grunted, fastening his pace, and lining his other finger with your hole. 
"Yes yes yes yesss," you threw your head back,
as Rafe inserted another finger inside you, pumping them in and out of your hole, till you got used to his digits stretched you out. "Fuck me, please, 'wish it was your cock instead!" 
"Bet you do," he heaved out a breath, scissoring his fingers inside you to explore every corner. "You'd like that, huh? Wanna fuck you dumb like a pathetic lil slut." 
Rafe continued fucking you with his fingers, main focus on your face as it twisted with pleasure. His calloused digits repeatedly moved inside you, hitting your sweet spot in the process, and causing desire to spiral through your insides, coating every blood vessel and vein. 
"You like fuckin' me like this?" You questioned through a whine, littering kisses to the curve of Rafe's jaw. "Much better than jerking off to my videos, don't you think?" 
Fuck, you knew. 
You chuckled when you recieved no response from the latter, a mere whimper as he thrusted his fingers inside your hole, rather pleased with himself, hoping this was your actual reaction, and not just for content. 
"Come on my fingers," he demanded, request filthy,
something he fantasized about in the dim of the night. "I know you're close." 
He was right, in the span of seconds, your climax built up, indicating you were close everytime Rafe would apply pressure, or use his thumb to rub your clit, spiking more and more heat through your body. 
Your orgasm reached its peak, coming hard as you squirted all over Rafe's fingers, with Rafe riding his digits through your orgasm, not stopping even when your legs trembled as you came down from your high. 
Rafe's fingers dripped with your sweet arousal, liquid tracing along the veins kissing up his arms. The sight alone had him a fucking mess, you dare make it worse when you bring his fingers to your lips, and suck his fingers clean. 
The latter observed in awe, spit pooling in his mouth, as desire fogged his vision, eager to get a taste of your lips now glossed with your arousal. 
A grin formed on your lips, quickly closing the distance seperating you in a chaste kiss, one breaking the boundaies you built for your friendship. Rafe's lips moved desperately over yours, licking into your mouth for the mere purpose of tasting you. 
That didn't last long, interrupted when you inched back, just enough to whisper out your next words. "Pizza?" 
"What?" Rafe's caught off gaurd by the question, too sudden for him to process it. 
"Should we get pizza?" You asked, sitting up straight. "I'm hungry." 
"Did we not jus–" 
"That was for content!" You reasoned, face immediately growing hot. "It's done now, take care of your business and come on out, you drained me out, I'll help you out next time." 
"There's a next time?" He nearly choked on his own spit. 
"Only if you're up for it..." You shot back, searching for a reaction out of the latter. 
Up for it? Screw that, he'd fuck you right now if he could. 
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kawhh · 3 days ago
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I'm aware I'm gonna lose people with this but I really do need to get the thought out of my head (I'm being delusional and this'll make it worse). It's just Jack and blood does something to me. Something magical. Also for the dark!Jack askers.
1.7k words.
Warnings!!!: if you're squeamish, please don't read this. I mean it. There's a lot of blood talk. Him covering you in it. Biting. Me going insane. Being a whore on main. Somnophilia. Jack being feral. If the idea of period sex makes you go ew, this'll make you worse. Him not caring if you don't want him marking you.
You've been worried about him since he got hit - knowing how bad some high stick injuries can be. Stressing until he was shown on the bench, barely calming down seeing all the blood still covering his face. How casual he is about it, not being phased at all, making no effort to wipe it off.
How aggressively he's playing after it, there's more aggression in him when he takes face offs. There's more push behind his skates up and down the ice. More concentration on his bloodied face.
If you're being honest, the whole thing is incredibly hot. Even though there's an underlying beat of concern. You don't like seeing him hurt.
It's late at night, so you're cuddled up on the couch in one of his shirts. Always feels like he's home with you when you're bundled up in his scent.
It's too much for him when he gets home. It's like someone's sucked all the air out of the room. His knuckles white as snow from his grip on the door frame. He doesn't dare move. Feeling like he's one step away from losing any and all sanity that he has left.
His girl.. all perfect.
His shirt on you.. how small you look in it. It's physically stunned him.
He can feel the blood on his face still. He was in too much of a rush to get home to you, he wouldn't take the time to wipe it off. He wasn't wasting time showering. Not when he knows you're all alone at home. He's not phased by it, just slowly dragging his tongue over his lip to prevent it from getting out of control.
He's no stranger to blood in his mouth. Injuries are common and he can't just stop whenever it happens.
He figures you're asleep. Who knows how long he's just been stuck there, trying to piece together the non feral part of his brain. You haven't made any noise, haven't reacted to him coming home.
He's free to just.. observe.
He's salivating over your legs. They look so pure and untouched, unmarked, oh so long looking under the shirt. Fuck.. he doesn't know what he wants first.
He could have them wrapped around his waist, have you scratching your own marks into his back as he fucks you into the wall. Wanting to see the pathetically adorable tears streak down your face until you get noise complaints.
Have you bouncing on his dick, slamming you down to force you to go at his pace, forcing you back down to meet his savage thrusts even if you try and crawl off to escape.
Wrapping them around his head, forcing them tighter against his head, wanting to suffocate against your cunt. Feeling you cry and squirm against him, trying to escape his tongue.
How pretty he'd paint you with the blood that's still leaking from his mouth. What a perfect way to make a point.. show you how much you truly belong to him. It'd stand out so vividly against your skin.. against your cute little cunt.
It's enough to take the final sanity percentage from him. He can't stay here watching you from afar now. He's gone too deep. The chances of him walking by you to shower before coming back.. non existent.
He's like a possessed animal stalking towards you, hair loose, half covering his face. His expression dark, his eyes barely visible. His pupils fully dilated.
If he doesn't get his mouth on you and in you, he thinks he might lose it. He can't even wait for you to stir. He doesn't have the restraint. Doesn't fucking want the restraint.
He's hovering over you before he can even process it, grabbing your legs as gently as he physically can in his state, making room for himself to kneel between them on the couch. Leaning over to hover over your face, staring at how innocent you look under him.
His baby must've stayed up late worrying yourself to sleep, he knows how you get.
His fingers not being able to resist digging into your shoulders, staring at the way that your body doesn't resist him. The slight bruises he leaves, painting you. The way you almost lean into his touch in your sleep, seemingly seconds away from mewling like a cat.
He can't resist pulling your shirt up. He can't get it fully off without waking you up, but he inches it towards your neck as gently as he can. Restraining you slightly as it reaches armpit height.
He's slightly startled as he hears a small sound, like a droplet. Looking down, realizing that some of the blood from his mouth is smack bang in the middle of your exposed chest now. Trailing it with his eyes as it slides down your cleavage, under your bra, leaving a skin stain as it goes.
He can't stop the gulp, processing how it feels to see him on you, in such a different way..
There's nothing more him than his blood. It's so striking against your skin. He can't explain the sudden urge he has to follow it with his tongue. To cover you in him.
He makes a fatal mistake, resting his head against your shoulder. His attempt to control himself only makes the problem worse as he lifts his head, realizing that you're now covered in his blood, your whole left shoulder looks like a murder scene.
He can't resist licking your skin. Just once. Tasting your skin combined with him. He's never felt this possessive before, never felt more sure in the fact that you're his.
Sinking his teeth gently into the skin, just enough to leave a mark. He doesn't fully know what's wrong with him. This need to just.. mark you up. To mark up every single inch of your skin. You're such a little fucking cute bunny rabbit. So adorably small against him. So weak. So fragile. So his.
He can't stop at just your shoulder. He's inching down, nipping and sucking at your skin, occasionally licking at the blood if it pools too much. Making his way down to your chest, watching the droplets drip down your tits, following the perfect curve, seeping into your bra.
He can't resist running his tongue down your cleavage. Slowly folding the cups over enough to get his hot, wet mouth around your nipple. Biting harshly, eyes flicking up to you as your squirm in your sleep. He wonders if you're dreaming about it. If you can feel his body. If you're mentally aware of how deranged he's feeling tonight.
Squirming more as he reaches your stomach. He half entertains spelling his name on your stomach but he truly doesn't have the patience. He's biting his lip more as he goes, trying to agitate it, getting frustrated that the blood's drying up. He doesn't care if it hurts, how much it stings with every single movement. He'll take care of it later. It's not important.
It does rush him slightly. He can't risk running out of it before he gets to his meal. Skipping mostly past your stomach, dragging his parted mouth down until he reaches his meal. Resting his mouth against your cute underwear. Smirking as he realizes there's adorable little teddies on them. Slowly staining them with blood as he keeps his head still, resting his mouth above your clit. The contrast of the blood and your visible innocence, he could moan.
He's just resting there, breathing you in. He can smell you. Feel the heat coming from your adorable pussy. He can't resist gently biting, mostly gripping your underwear in his teeth, letting it smack back against your clit, hearing you let out the littlest moan. He doesn't care to check if you're waking up now. It's not like he'll stop, even if you do wake up and protest. There's nothing you can do about it.
Nuzzling his nose down where your thigh meets this delicious skin, breathing you in. He can feel the dampness of your pussy smearing on his face as he drags his cheek down. Marking himself up with you.
Biting you in a harsher manner on your inner thighs, feeling how your skin melts like butter at his attack. Smearing you in the blood that's drying up faster now, licking up the arousal that's seeping from your underwear.
His girl loves this so fucking much.. as you should.
The little whimpers you let out.. he can't wait any longer. He's teased himself enough. He can feel the fucking precum soaking his shorts. Hell, it's probably even on your legs at this point. The throbbing is so hard for him to ignore, but you aren't fully claimed yet. He hasn't had his fill of your cunt.
Spinning you slightly, dragging you to the edge of the couch. Sinking to his knees in front of you.
He's ripping your underwear off with his teeth, laughing cruelly as he hears your startled gasp. You're awake now it seems. Maybe you're swearing at him. Maybe you're begging him to stop. Maybe you're moaning. He doesn't care. It's time to eat.
Swiping his tongue all the way from your cute hole to your adorable clit. There's only a faint amount of blood leaking from him now, but it's enough for him to slowly watch it mix with your arousal. Only fueling him more to eat you.
Stretching you apart with his fingers, putting weight behind it to make sure you can't move. Can't protest. Sucking every last drop from you, lapping at you like you're water in an oasis. Feeling you clench. Nipping at your clit, not wanting your body to get used to one sensation.
Thrusting his tongue into your cunt, licking against your walls, wanting to consume you from the source.
He's thrusting slowly against the couch, imagining splitting you open with his cock, mimicking the motions with his tongue. You're spasming around him, he can hear your cries getting louder.
Slowly thrusting in with his finger, adding another soon after. Stretching you open, making room for him to shove his tongue further in along with them.
Feeling your legs shake around his shoulders, restricting his breathing. Cumming in his shorts at you getting off on being claimed.
Pulling back, eyes half lidded, running his eyes over your body. Admiring all of the blood smears and marks on your body. He's never felt so in control. So satiated. So utterly dominant over you. There's no doubting that you're his.
And he hasn't even fucked you yet.
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obsessedwithceleste · 2 days ago
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You Can Say You Love Me Now
Theodore Nott x reader
Summary: A little fake dating trope, just in time for Valentine's day
word count: 3k
© obsessedwithceleste. all works posted here belong to me and should not be reposted or copied in any way or form.
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It was the perfect plan really. Or it had seemed like it at the time. When fueled by frustration, love, and desperation, what could go wrong? Theo had loved you for as long as he could remember and he wasn’t afraid to admit that. To himself at least. But to you, well, that was a bit more challenging.
Coming from a pure blood family, a sacred 28 family no less, Theodore’s fate had been sealed long before he was even born. Destined to marry another rich, pure blood heiress, have children, and secure the Nott legacy another generation. All ridiculous nonsense if you asked Theodore. What was the point of tradition anyway? Pretty much everyone who cared was already dead, so what did it matter?
Unfortunately for Theo, his father was not dead and had been trying to find a suitable match for what felt like years at this point. Names of witches that Theo couldn’t even match a face to had been floated by, but Theo had spoiled each and every potential match and his father had been growing increasingly more agitated by the day.
That’s when it had struck him. Kill two birds with one stone. Get his father off his back and gain the perfect opportunity to win over the witch of his dreams. Was it a bit short sighted? Sure. But he wasn’t left with many options at this point and this was as good a plan as any.
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“Please principessa, you know what my father’s like. And it would only be a few months.” Theo begged, following close behind you as you make your way through the labyrinth that is the Hogwarts library.
“I am not going to pretend to date you for a few months Theodore. Or at all. That’s actually insane. Besides, no one would believe it anyway. We’ve known each other for how long? No one is going to buy the idea of us just now deciding to go out. Especially not your father. Do you know how long my mother has been trying to set us up?” you sigh, plucking another book off the shelf.
You had known Theodore practically your whole life. The two of you had been best friends since before you could walk. Your earliest memories involved waddling around the gardens of his family’s manor as your mothers watched on in thrilled bliss. There was simply no way the two of you would be fooling anyone.
“Well that’s just it isn’t it? Father has been hounding me to court you for ages, he’ll be too relieved to care,” Theo replies, an air of desperation creeping into his voice.
"Yeah, And what do you suppose we'd tell them hmm?" You ask.
"Don't know. We wanted it to happen naturally or some other sappy story. They'll eat it up."
You give your friend a pointed look. This was not the first time he had presented you with a half-baked plan that was certain to go wrong at some point.
“You’re being so ridiculous right now Theodore, this easily makes it on the list of your top ten stupidest ideas.”
“You keep a list?”
“It’s alphabetized.”
Theo has the nerve to look offended.
“Please principessa? I know your family has been on you too. This will buy us both a little time at least,” Theo protests. "Just think, we tell them over winter break, string it along awhile, and then after we've gone our seperate ways we're just too broken hearted to even consider any other possibilities for the future."
In all fairness, the boy was right. Your family had been bothering you for months now, asking if you’d found a special someone. You'd known when Theodore's father began ramping up the pressure for him to find a match that your family wouldn't be far behind, but it was honestly starting to get to be a bit ridiculous. And exhausting.
"It's not even completely incomprehensible. We've been mistaken as a couple before." Theo continues to press.
You glare at your friend, eyes rolling at the mere memory.
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six months prior
It had been another one of your mother's usual, stuffy garden parties. The sun had been beating down on you all morning and all you really wanted to do was throw your blasted shoes across the lawn. Who thought it was a sensible idea to be out on the garden's cobblestone paths in scorching heat for hours at a time? This was not your idea of a good time.
"Principessa," Theodore greeted, arm wrapping comfortably around your waist.
"Don't even start, Theodore," you grumbled, leaning into the boy. "I'm tired, I'm hungry, and if my mother tries to make me join one more conversation about the Ministry or some such I'll set the whole garden on fire."
Theodore just laughed, pulled you closer.
"C'mon love. We can sneak off to the lake I reckon. Berkshire just arrived so the mums will all be too busy throwing him at the Greengrass sisters to notice."
Had you felt a bit bad leaving Enzo to the wolves? Sure. But still, you had let Theodore lead you down the path to the lake, collapsing onto the lawn sofa that was perched almost picturesquely on the patio overlooking the glassy water.
You had closed your eyes, feeling yourself relax into Theodore as his fingers combed methodically through your hair. You didn't know how long the both of you had been sitting there simply basking in each other's company when an excited gasp jolted you from your peaceful bliss.
"Oh! Oh my!" the shrill voice of one of your mother's airheaded socialites tittered. "I wasn't aware the both of you were courting! Oh your parents must be so pleased- what with your families being so close and all-"
"We're not courting." You interjected, holding your hand up to stop the women mid sentence.
She had stuttered awkwardly after that before finally shuffling off. Had you been a bit harsh? Perhaps. But you simply hadn't been in any sort of mood to deal with the notion of dating your best friend.
Theodore hadn't said a word, but you could feel him recoil ever so slightly. Not enough for anyone to notice if it hadn't been you. And things were a bit, strained, for the following days. If you could even call it that. And then things went back to normal as if nothing had happened.
You would have forgotten the whole thing, brushed it under the rug as something to laugh about in a few years, if it hadn't left a nagging feeling in the back of your mind.
You had never even allowed yourself to think that you could ever end up with your friend. Sure, years ago your mothers had shared the fantasy of the both of you ending up together one day. You were sure your mother was still convinced it might happen. But no. He would be auctioned off to the family of some wealthy heiress and you would be matched with some boy your parents deemed suitable. It was just how things worked.
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Your feared your father was wearing going to wear through the carpet at any moment with the way he was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace. Your mother sat twiddling her fingers on the sofa across from you, watching your father in exasperation.
Theodore was quite pleased with himself. To be completely honest he really didn't think he'd get this far. But sitting smugly on the sofa of his father's office, arm wrapped securely around you as he faced not only his own father, but your parents as well, he felt on top of the world.
"Well? Is it true? Are you?" your mother asks, finally breaking the silence as she had apparently given up on your father being the first to speak.
Your father had stormed off to Mr. Nott's office before you could even let out a breath, and by the time you and Theodore had finally slunk into the room, your mother was already doing a piss poor job of hiding her excitement.
It had always been a dream of hers for the both of you to end up together one day. It was hardly a kept secret. Maybe Theodore had been right and their blind excitement would stop them from asking too many questions because this was truly horrific.
"Of course it's true! It better be! The way I found him all over y/n," your father interrupts.
Mr. Nott just gazes on, eyes seemingly boring into your soul as Theodore meets his father's stare with cool, nonchalance. The smug bastard.
"Oh it's all we ever hoped for!" Your mother gushes, eyes falling onto the portrait hanging on the wall of the late Mrs. Nott.
"Well. That settles it then. They'll begin courting. Or whatever it is they call it these days," Mr. Nott says finally. "But there will be no more of this, nonsense. Not under my roof."
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a few minutes earlier
"After further reassessment, this is the stupidest idea you've ever had," you hiss. Glaring at the brunette boy in front of you.
You were currently perched on one of the many desks lining the library walls of Nott Manor. Theodore was pressed up against the side, warm hands on your thighs holding you securely in place and sending shivers down your spine.
"Hush amore. How else will they be convinced we've been hiding a relationship, hmm?" He asks, slowly guiding one of your arms up to wrap around his neck.
"Oh I don't know. Suppose we just tell them? Ever think of that?"
"Yeah, and how would that go? Hey mum, I've been secretly seeing the son of your dead best friend who you've been trying to set me up with for ages. This is definitely not a distraction. Please believe us." Theo scoffs.
"I'm being serious," you respond, giving the boy a light whack on the shoulder. "When I agreed to the whole 'pretend to go out' bit, this is not what I had in mind."
"We've kissed before," Theo drawls, all nonchalance.
"You know that's not the same Theodore."
Before Theodore is able to respond, likely with another of his dry quips that you had grown to adore (not that you'd ever admit it), the door of the library swings open, footsteps echoing on the marble floors.
You don't even get the chance to fully take in the reality of the situation before Theodore's lips are on yours. It's slow and soft and warm as you feel his thumb softly brushing circles on your inner thigh. A soft gasp escapes you as you melt into the boy.
"What is the meaning of this?" Your father's cutting voice calls out, breaking you from your trance.
You jolt away from Theo, eyes snapping up to meet your father's, face flushed with embarrassment. Theo on the other hand looked quite self-satisfied. Oh you were going to kill him later.
"Both of you. Into the office. Now." Your father snaps out, looking like he was wishing he could obliviate himself in that moment.
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"How long are we going to keep this going?" you ask, eyes not quite meeting Theo's as you lean your head against him. It was another warm night in which you and Theodore had managed to sneak up to the astronomy tower.
Your visits to the astronomy tower had started back in fourth year. It seemed like forever ago. And now you looked forward to nothing as much as nights spent with Theodore gazing up at the sky. The nights were different now though, you supposed.
It had been what? Five months now? You were almost certain it was five months, but those months seemed to have flown by in bliss. You hadn't realized how easy it would be. You and Theodore seemed to have been carefully tip toeing the line between friendship and more for years. You simply hadn't put the pieces together. It had been a bit clunky at first sure. Awkward maybe. But this was perfect. Standing in Theodore's arms as the stars above you seemed to go on forever. Perfect.
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three-ish months prior
"Shut up. Shut. Up. You're joking," Daphne squeals, eyes locking onto your fingers which are tightly interlocked with Theo's as you enter your dorm room.
Something you seemed to have overlooked when agreeing to Theodore's dating scheme, was the fact that an integral part of the plan involved selling the lie to your closest friends.
It was much more difficult than you had anticipated.
You had spent the first initial month spending all your free time with Theodore, never really leaving his side. Apparently this didn't seem out of the ordinary. The flowers sent to your dorm didn't elicit a single reaction from your roommate, nor did Theodore's constant pet names. No, what really did it apparently, was the hand holding. Scandalous.
Your friends never failed to miss an opportunity to humble you.
"Took them long enough. Don't know why you're so shocked Daph," Mattheo replies dryly from his spot on the floor, papers scattered around him. He doesn’t even bother to look up.
"Well duh. We all knew they'd end up together eventually. Just didn't think they'd figure it out while we were still in school." Daph responds matter of factly. “Ugh. I owe Pansy 25 galleons now.” She groans, a frown appearing on her face.
"We can hear you, you know," Theo drawls, raising an eyebrow.
"Well it isn't as if the two of you have been subtle about it. Always holed up together in the library for hours at a time doing gods knows what."
"We study together," you reply, feeling the need to defend yourself.
"You’ve also attend every single ball together since, ever," Mattheo adds.
"Better that then go with whatever tossers our parents dig up."
"I've found the both of you asleep in Theodore's bed on more than one occasion."
"As friends."
"Right. You'd sleep together as friends, but drew the line at hand holding." Daphne says dryly. "You're both hopeless."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Y/n, I damn near saw you hex Theo's hand off in fifth year when he tried to hold your hand, and even that wasn't solid proof that you two weren't already going out." Daphne snorts. "Hopeless."
"C'mon Daph, let's leave the love birds to it then," Mattheo says, gathering his papers. "Make good choices. Don't do anything I'd do," he calls as the two of them make a quick exit.
As soon as the door slams shut, you turn to look at Theo as if to ask 'what on Earth was that about?'
“They make fair points,” he says with a shrug, pulling you onto the bed with him.
"We weren't being obvious about anything Theodore. There was nothing there to begin with." You reply, allowing him to pull you onto his chest.
You knew there hadn't been anything there before, or at least you thought there wasn't, because this was all very new. Sure before you might've fallen asleep in the same bed after staying up until 3 am studying for your charms exam, but you'd certainly never seen Theodore look at you like this before. And you'd certainly never felt his hand creep under your shirt to rub soft circles across your rib cage. You'd definitely never felt your heart try to beat out of your chest like this. Or maybe you had.
"Is it really so absurd to think we've always been so close?" Theo asks, eyes very clearly focused on your lips. Not that you noticed of course.
"Maybe not," you reply, letting your head fall to rest on the boy's chest.
This was nice you thought to yourself as Theo's lips pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.
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"How long do you want to keep going?" Theo asks after a moment.
"Don't know," you reply, feeling his eyes on you as you continue gazing out at the sky in front of you.
"Another month?" Theo asks carefully, pulling you ever closer.
You can feel your heart begin to race at the idea of it all ending so soon. You shake your head.
"You want to end it sooner?" Theo asks, voice wavering ever so slightly.
You shake your head again. You hear Theodore's sharp breath as he realizes your implication and you feel yourself growing increasingly more nervous as the silence stretches on.
You'd really, truly never allowed yourself to consider the idea of ending up with Theo. You knew that simply wasn't how the world worked. And frankly the idea of rejection couldn't even be a possibility. You couldn't allow yourself to lose your best friend. Or maybe you could. This was all his idea to begin with after all.
"What if we just kept going?" You ask finally, feeling the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.
Theo's arms tear away from you as he turns you to face him, hand holding your chin firmly in place, forcing your eyes to meet.
"Don't play with me like this, principessa," he says, voice all seriousness as his eyes scan your face, searching for anything that might suggest you're joking with him.
"I'm not."
And just like that, Theo's lips are on yours once more. They seemed to find themselves there a lot lately, melting your mind to absolute mush as he pulled you closer. You could feel your back, now pressed up against one of the marble pillars of the tower as Theo's lips moved slowly from your lips to your jawline, and carefully down the side of your neck.
"You can say you love me now," He whispers into your ear, his warm breath giving you chills as his hands continue to wander.
"I love you," you gasp out.
"Sorry, who?" he pushes, leaving little pecks across your jawline once more.
"Theo. I love you, Theodore," You say finally, just as Theo presses another kiss to your lips.
"And I love you, amore."
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Did I start this well over a year ago? Yes I did, thank you for asking. Did I change the title three different times? Absolutely I did. Am I posting this before editing? Also yes. Cope.
217 notes · View notes
piastrisun · 2 days ago
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the second account.
pairings: franco colapinto + singer female reader.
summary: after franco accidentally exposes his secret twitter account, fans accuse him of being delusional about his supposed relationship with you.
faceclaim: malina weissman.⠀warning: none.
request: could you make a franco and singer!reader where he "shows off" his girlfriend on his secret twitter acc but her fans don't believe him so she decides to surprise them by finally making a music video of "bed chem" casting him?
notes: messy dates, as usual. a brief use of gracie abrams for the music video part. and i know franco would put everything in spanish but it had to be in english for u guys. thank you so much for the request, i had a lot of fun making it. :)
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translations: “every time she sings i forget how to breath, do you guys think it’s a medical condition” “my pretty princess” “check out her eyes, dude” “good morning to my girlfriend and my girlfriend only” “i’m head over heels for her what do i do” “no one sings like she does, man”
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francolapinto added to their story.
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yourusername and others liked your story.
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liked by username, username1 and others
yndaily day 1 of using @/francolapinto’s tweets as captions: “imagine waking up and the first thing you see is yn’s face. a dream for you, a reality for me”
tagged yourusername
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username NOOOO THIS IS SO FUNNY PLS KEEP THIS GOING
username1 if i looked like this, i’d just walk around expecting people to fall in love with me
username2 franco is gonna see this and panic
username3 petition for this to become a daily series until he acknowledges it
username4 it’s crazy how all his tweets work as captions bc he’s LITERALLY a yn fanpage
username5 okay but why is she actually the most beautiful person alive
yourusername i fully support this, keep going
username6 she’s so chronically online IM CRYING
username7 SHES INSANE LMAOOOO
username8 @/francolapinto i get you man
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liked by username9, username8 and others
43updates @yndaily has inspired us to start talking about franco the way he tweets about yn, wish us luck
tagged francolapinto
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43updates guys what if i’m actually yn and i’m doing this to bother him
username9 i’ve never seen you and yn on the same room
43updates 👀
43updates joke it can’t be me, i’m clearly unemployed
 like SOMEONE I KNOW
username8 PLEASE let’s make him experience the secret account treatment
username7 he has created monsters i fear
francolapinto i suddenly understand how this might have looked from the outside, PARAAÁ
francolapinto but i mean, if you’re gonna do it, go all in. but NO ONE, can talk about me the way i talk about her
username6 LMAO, yeah okay, ‘her’, you mean the girl you run a fan account for?
username5 are u confirming or denying this i’m confused
username4 girl we need receipts, you look delusional
username3 we’ve been through this already, no one believes you 😭😭
username2 franco finally getting a taste of his own medicine
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liked by francolapinto, username and others
yourusername bed chem video drops tomorrow!! 🌟 i couldn’t be more excited for you all to see it. it’s one of my favorite projects yet, and i had the best co-star.
also, since you guys are basically detectives. yes, this is my boyfriend. yes, he’s been running an account to talk about me this whole time. and no, i did not ask him to do that. but i was aware of it and i love him.
tagged francolapinto
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yourusername p.s. he’s been mentally preparing for this moment since the second account incident. be nice to him!!!!
francolapinto please!! i’ve suffered enough
username NO WAY i need a moment
username2 SHE JUST SAID IT LIKE IT WAS NOTHING HELLO??? 😭
username3 “yes, this is my boyfriend” GIRL I HAVE BEEN HAVING A MELTDOWN FOR WEEKS
yoursister you two are perfect together!! đŸ„č
francolapinto but seriously, every day with you is my favorite. you already know that, but saying it here too just in case, te amo đŸ€ ♄ liked by author
yourusername i’ll put you in my pocket starting now, te amo más <3
username3 forget it when i said this was one sided

oliviarodrigo need all the behind-the-scenes footage!!
francolapinto also hi. yes boyfriend here, happy to be included!! ♄ liked by author
francolapinto and for the record, my account was NOT a fan account. it was a highly curated appreciation page. there’s a difference
username4 five comments from him, he’s so obsessed 😭😭
username4 the way we all thought he was a lovesick fan and turns out he was just a boyfriend with too much free time
francolapinto i’m trying to not take any offence by this
username5 this is the funniest celebrity hard launch ever
alex_albon wow. shocking. so unexpected. truly a plot twist.
yourusername ❓
username6 she’s so funny for that caption 😭😭
username7 he was running a whole stan account for his own girlfriend and she just let him
username8 his twitter account was a love letter, i’m gonna be sick
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©⠀piastrisun original work. please don’t translate, claim or repost any of my writing, 25’.
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insomniadreamzz · 3 days ago
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Hi! Can you please write more Jinx forcing her love on reader.
Or maybe part 2 of You are mine and only mine?
(only if you want to of course.)
I will make you mine
Jinx x Fem!Reader
Warnings: smut, forced love, marking, mentions of blood, violence
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You woke up in a room with dim light, finding yourself with your hands tied behind your back, not remembering how you got into this situation, getting startled when a woman with blue hair appeared in front of you, she had a wide grin on her face, her pink eyes staring into yours.
„Finally! You are awake my love!“ She said with a cheerful laugh, making you frown. Did she just say my love to you? You didn’t even know her. „Do I know you?“ You asked, making her chuckle as she sat on the table in front of you. „No. But I know you. I‘ve been stalking you for a while. Couldn’t get my eyes off you. I just had to bring you here so we can finally be together.“ She explained and this made you feel even more scared of her. The way she just told you she stalked you so casually as if it was the most normal thing. You knew that woman was crazy.
„Are you serious?? Let me go!“ You squirmed but the rope around your wrists only tightened more as you tried to get free. „Oh come on. Don’t be silly. Why would I let my love go? Now that I have you here, I will make sure you will only want me and no one else.“ She told you as her hand moved to caress your cheek, the feeling of her cold hand on your skin sending shivers down your spine.
„I just couldn’t see you talking with other women, the way they looked at you
the way they smiled at you and you smiled back
it made me sick.“ She spat out those words as her nails dig into your soft skin on your cheek. You didn’t need to hear more to know that she was insane. „Why didn’t you just approach me then instead of kidnapping me?“ You dared to ask, waiting for an answer but she only used her free hand to grab her gun and holding it against your temple. „Do you think I am joking? I am Jinx, I don’t approach and ask
I take what’s mine.“ She said with a purr, you realising that she indeed wasn’t joking and as soon as she told you her name, you knew who she was, making you feel even more nervous. She was well known in Zaun but you never cared, nor did you pay attention to what she looked like but now you knew who kidnapped you and her actions didn’t surprise you anymore.
Jinx still held her gun against your temple while her other hand made sure to hold you by your chin, a smirk forming from her lips as she leaned in closer. She was about to kiss you. You were scared to pull away or refuse it in any way, scared she would pull the trigger so you squeezed your eyes shut and let it happen. The kiss was surprisingly soft, something you didn’t expect at all. Her lips felt soft against yours as well, it was a forced kiss but you surprisingly didn’t feel disgusted by it. When she pulled back, her smile only widened, there was a spark in her eyes that showed you she really was in love with you which was weird since she didn’t even talk to you before, she only knew you by stalking you.
She didn’t even give you time to even react as she put her gun away and with a swift movement Jinx had her little knife in her hand, leaning down to you, close enough to your ear. „Listen
I won’t let anyone else touch you, they shouldn’t even talk to you or look at you in a certain way
oh no I will make it visible for them that you are MINE!“
You suddenly felt a sharp stinging pain in your arm, making you whince in pain, blood dripping down on the floor as Jinx carved her name into it. ïżœïżœïżœFuck! Stop it! Please stop you are hurting me!“ You begged, not being able to stop your tears from streaming down your cheeks. Jinx on the other hand giggled, happy about her finished work before cutting the rope that held your wrists together, proudly looking at your lower arm where she just did her work. Your gaze moving down to look at it, eyes widen as you saw your bloody arm with ‚Jinx‘ carved into your flesh.
„I did this for us
only for us. So no one will even dare to talk to you, you are only mine. Your eyes should only focus in me, your mind only thinking about me and your heart only beating for me
“ Jinx spoke with a manic chuckle, she looked happy and you couldn’t stop more tears from falling, being in pain and at the same time being terrified, flinching when Jinx cupped your cheeks. The sweet look in her face totally not matching her actions. „Oh don’t cry my love. It will stop hurting I promise. You just need to accept that you are mine. I be good to you I promise.“ She said while her thumbs gently wiped your tears away.
„Y-You are crazy.“ Was the only thing you could spit out but she ignored it, instead of feeling offended, she leaned back so she could take iff her own top, exposing herself in front of you. „Crazy in love with you
yeah
and you love me. Just admit it.“ She smirked, literally shoving your face against her breasts, forcing you to pleasure her. You knew refusing would make her angry and it won’t end good for you if you did so you gave in, praying that you won’t have to die in the end. You squeezed your eyes shut, beginning to place kisses on her chest and taking her nipple between your teeth, gently sucking and biting on it, gaining soft moans from her. „Ah~ that’s it. That’s my girl.“ She hummed, grabbing a fist full of your hair before pulling on it, making you look up at her with a groan, slamming her lips against yours to kiss you roughly this time.
Before your lips parted, Jinx bit down in your lower lip, making it bleed before running her tongue along it, enjoying the iron taste. „Please
what do you want from me?
“ You said with a shaky breath, making her look at you with a smile. „Your love.“ She simply answered, forcing you to make a decision. Loving her or probably dying. „Ya know
if I can’t have you
nobody can. I can blow us up together. You decide.“ Jinx twirled a bomb in her hand she just removed from her belt. This woman was crazy enough to really do it. So you gave in, you didn’t want to die. „Fine
“ You nod, making her giggle like a happy little child before she leaned down again, leaving some pecks on your lips while speaking in between kisses. „Yay! I love
you
so much!“


After you decided obeying her, Jinx brought you to her ‚bed‘ which was a mattress with a lot of pillows and blankets on it. You both being naked and your body being already covered in hickeys and bites. She liked marking you for sure.
„Lets see what you can do with that beautiful tongue of yours
“ Jinx moved, sitting on your face without any more warning, literally taking your breath away. Your tongue darting out to lick along her wet folds, flicking over her clit and moving inside of her, making her moan softly at your actions. Your hands held her hips to keep her up, you had a hard time keeping her legs from crushing you when she got closer to her orgasm, especially with the pain in your arm. „Fuck! Oh god yes! Keep on eating me out so good like that baby
ugh I need it!“ Jinx moaned out and you wanted to make her cum, sucking and licking her harder than before, noticing her hips twitching as she came, riding out her orgasm on your face, smearing her slick all over your face. „Fuuck
“ She groaned, getting off your face before kissing you, tasting herself on you before running her tongue along your lips, cheek and neck. That woman was messy for sure but you started not minding it at all.
„J-Jinx I-
“ You started but she cupped your face with her hand, making you look up at her, her pink eyes piercing into yours. „Shhh
don’t say anything. I want you to taste all of me
“ She mentioned, opening her mouth and holding yours open with her thumb before she let her tongue out, letting her saliva drip into your mouth. You felt your crotch already pulsing from excitement, wanting to feel her, your body was aching for her. You went from being scared for your life to being drunk for pleasure, almost completely ignoring the pain and all the things she said before.
You swallowed her spit, your breath getting heavier, your tongues touching each other before she sucked on yours, moaning before pulling away, she was ready for more and so were you. „Fuck I need to make you cum.“ Junx said with a raspy voice, adjusting herself between your legs before painfully slow rubbing her clit against yours, making you whine. „Ughh
please fuck me
“ You begged, blushing hard at your own words, you never thought you would say that to Jinx. The blue haired girl didn’t mind though, she got you right where she wanted you.
„Mhh
I am gonna go harder on you but first I wanna hear it
“ She teased you with slow movements, making you almost lose your mind. „F-fuck
I love you. I love you Jinx! Please fuck me, I am only yours.“ You started begging more and your words sending a rush of pleasure and happiness through Jinx’s body, making it hard for herself to keep teasing you.
Her hips started moving faster, literally slamming against you as she grinded her wet cunt against yours harder, the sound of your wetness filling up the room mixed with your moaning. Every time her clit moved from your entrance up to your clit you felt a wave of pleasure down your spine, a shiver you never felt before. Jinx’s painted chipped nails digging into the flesh of your waist as she kept you in place. The way her wet cubt slammed against yours now, creating a pool of wetness underneath you made it hard to hold back, both being so wet and slippery, you just couldn’t hold it anymore. „I-I cant-
! Ugh! I am gonna-
“
You couldn’t even finish your sentence, getting cut off by your own loud moan as you reached your orgasm, your cum gushing out of your pussy and Jinx reaching her own orgasm just right after you, making a mess on you as your bodies trembled, cunts pulsing against each other as you ride out your orgasms.
You were breathing heavily as Jinx let herself fall down on top if you, your arms instinctively moved around her to keep her close. What just happened was incredible, a mixture of being scared, in pain and being in pleasure
you couldn’t describe it. Lost for words but of course Jinx wasn’t out of words even though she was panting heavily now as well.
„Heh
you are officially mine now
finally
“ She whispered, placing a sweet kiss on your cheek as if she didn’t kidnap you and forced you to love her. But you can’t deny the fact that it worked.
166 notes · View notes
delugyu · 2 days ago
Text
cold, cursed city (part 2)
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summary: You wish your best friend would just leave your budding relationship alone.
pairings: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader
word count: 26k
tags: ANGST, smut (MDNI), best friend and roommate!beomgyu, crush!soobin, possessiveness, manipulation, arguments, very bad reckless dumb decisions, codependency, beomgyu gets a bit crazy
smut tags: multiple smut scenes yet again sigh, switch!gyu, switch!reader, handjob, masturbation, fingering, squirting lollll, praise, degradation, pet names (puppy, baby, etc), overstimulation, edging, dacryphilia, mind breaking kinda, utilization of a mirror, some pussy slapping, dubcon!! please beware!
notes: the smut here is so depravedddjshjshdjdjhs 😭 mind the angst in all caps btw
 don’t get too mad at me LMAO. this is the final part btw! enjoyyyy<3
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Being home feels so awkward now. You feel like you have to avoid Beomgyu, and that’s something you never would have imagined. You wonder if there’s any going back now in your friendship. Will it ever be normal again? It will take some time, you think, but you don’t doubt it. You can’t doubt it. It’s just that you need some time right now.
A part of you is thankful that he leaves you alone. It reprieves you of the constant guilt you were battling with, and you can talk to Soobin without feeling like a liar. Another part of you is terrified that he’s leaving you alone. It’s so unlike him to not be clingy and talkative. You wonder what he’s been going through these past few days.
You don’t even eat dinner together anymore. When you get home from work, you grab something quick to eat and go to your room as soon as you’re finished. The only times you’ve seen Beomgyu since your last conversation is in passing, when you see his figure walk down the hall or pop back into his room.
You really hope he’s okay. You can’t stand to dwell on it too much, obsessing over how he might be dealing with this. Maybe it’s been easy for him. Honestly, he probably needed this too. He must have been going insane the same way you were in his attempts to keep you to himself.
But you do miss him. You miss him when you’re sitting at the table, staring at an empty chair across from you. You miss him when you’re wiping off your makeup, looking for his presence behind you in the mirror. You miss him when you’re laying in bed, watching a movie on your laptop all alone. You miss him a lot.
You’re getting ready for work, staring blankly at yourself in the mirror as you fix your hair. You don’t really have anything to look forward to today. You’re not seeing Soobin after work, Chaewon’s been busy all week, and Beomgyu’s not talking to you. Maybe you’ll invite one of your other friends to hang out later. You hate feeling so lonely.
You grab your purse and head to the kitchen, opening a breakfast bar to eat before you put on your jacket and shoes. You’re about to head out, but a small bright-colored paper on your fridge catches your attention. That wasn’t there last night. You step closer to the fridge and lean in to read the post-it note.
Won’t be back till late tonight. Also eat up the fruits they’re gonna go bad!
Huh, you wonder why he didn’t just text you that. You take the note off the fridge and fold it neatly into your pocket. Your hand is wrapped around it for the whole duration of your walk to work.
When you get back home, you already know what you’ll eat for dinner. You feel a little happier than you have been the past few days as you bite down on the fruits, feeling giddy at the smallest hint of reconnection with Beomgyu. Not talking to him for so long was taking a toll on you.
After you finish cleaning up, you decide to write Beomgyu a note too.
Fruit is all done. Mission accomplished
With a satisfied smile, you stick the post-it on the same spot Beomgyu put his. Maybe a part of you hopes he’ll hang onto it the same way you did with his.
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Beomgyu normally isn’t awake when you leave for work; today, he is. You stop in your tracks for a second when you see him sitting at the table, resting his head on his arms. You consider stepping into the bathroom to give him time to run off to his room, but decide against it when he looks at you with brightened eyes.
“Good morning,” he says when you finally enter the kitchen. You give him a small smile.
“You’re up early,” you note as you grab something quick for breakfast. You keep your distance, standing at the counter even if you yearn to leap into the seat across from him.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he explains simply.
“About what?” You keep your guard up.
“Anything,” he says. “I just miss talking to you.” Your standoffish demeanor melts, and your eyes soften. You know how he feels.
“Me too.” You finally move into your seat, excited to finally see something besides an empty chair when you eat here. “What have you been up to recently?”
He shrugs. “Playing games. Sitting in my room. Working. What about you?”
“Pretty much nothing,” you answer. While a part of the conversation does feel weird, seeing as you’re trying to reconnect with your literal best friend, it doesn’t feel stiff or awkward. You’re more happy than anything to hear his voice again. It’s been a long few days.
“We need to do more with our lives,” Beomgyu laughs. It feels good to see a smile on his face again.
“No literally, my screen time this week is embarrassing. Netflix has seen me more than you have in the past five days.” You mean it as a lighthearted joke, but Beomgyu only frowns a little at that. He looks away for a few seconds, then back at you with a gleam in his eyes.
“Why don’t we do a movie night tonight then?” he offers. You light up at his suggestion.
“Yes! I’ll pick up some take-out for dinner too.” You clasp your hands in excitement. A semblance of normalcy is coming back to you, and it tastes so sweet.
“I’m so happy,” Beomgyu says, and it shows on his face. You resist the urge to pat his head at how cute he is.
“Me too.” You get up from your chair and throw out your trash. “I’ve gotta head out now,” you announce, looking at the time.
“Okay, have fun at work!” You feel his stare on you as you gather all your things and move towards the door.
“Thanks, I’ll try,” you say before heading out.
Work feels less stressful today. You don’t feel as frustrated at your little mistakes as you have been recently. You talk to your coworkers a little more than usual at lunch, and you even offer to help on an overdue project for the company, feeling more generous than usual.
As you walk back home, take-out bag in hand, you find yourself feeling foolish for ever worrying that you and Beomgyu couldn’t go back to normal. It was so easy to fall back into this, it’s as if it was second nature. As long as Beomgyu knows not to cross the line, this night will prove that you made the right choice. See, you can have both Soobin and Beomgyu in your life.
Your phone buzzes, and you fish it out of your pocket to check the notification. It’s a text from Soobin.
[Soobin] Hey, if you’re not busy do you want to grab dinner?
You pout, hating to have to reject him.
Omg I literally just got food :(
[Soobin] That’s okay!
[Soobin] There’s always tomorrow
Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling. Today is going so well, you almost can’t believe it. Finally, finally you get a day like this, where the world is kind to you again. Suddenly you find yourself more grateful for all the people you have in your life.
Tomorrow it is then!!
Beomgyu’s already sitting on the couch when you enter your apartment. You quickly take off your shoes and jacket so you can dash to your spot next to him, placing the take-out bag on the table in front of you.
“Hiii,” you greet while pulling a blanket into your lap.
“You’re finally back,” he says, smiling. You get yourself cozy as Beomgyu rips open the take-out bag, pulling out all the food.
“Yeah, I stayed a little longer to help with a few extra things.” You grab the remote to start scrolling through movie options. “What do you feel like watching?”
Beomgyu hums in thought. “Something scary?”
“That’s more for autumn, though,” you say. You start scrolling through some comedy movies instead. Those are always fun to watch with Beomgyu.
“Why’d you ask me what I want to watch then?” he laughs. You hold back your smile and whack his shoulder with the remote. He pouts at you in faux hurt as he places a hand over the impacted spot.
“Same reason you ask me what I want for dinner.” You scroll past a bunch of movies, trying to find one you haven’t seen that actually looks interesting. It’s a difficult task when you and Beomgyu have already watched so many movies together.
“It’s gonna take longer to find a movie than it is to watch one,” Beomgyu complains through a mouthful of food.
“Ew, finish chewing.” You keep your eyes on the screen, but you see him snicker in your peripheral. You finally land on a movie that sounds compelling, turning to Beomgyu to gauge his reaction.
He nods. “This one’s good.” You click on it and turn up the volume, then abandon the remote in favor of grabbing some food.
It feels just like a movie night a month ago would have felt. You fill the air with laughter and banter, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The only difference this time is that when you finish eating, you don’t cuddle into Beomgyu’s side. You have to be more mindful of keeping space between you now.
You laugh so hard at one point that you have to pause the movie to catch your breath and wipe your tears. “Oh my god, this was so needed,” you say to Beomgyu, still fighting off the last of your laughter.
“It literally was,” he agrees. “The past few days were legit the worst of my life.”
Your laughter finally dies when you hear that. “The worst? Why?”
Beomgyu laughs a little, but it doesn’t sound genuine. “I was scared that you hated me now.”
You turn your head to Beomgyu, but he doesn’t look back at you. God, did he seriously think that? You would never hate him. A weight falls onto your shoulders, and your heart aches.
“Well, don’t think like that ever again,” you say. He finally looks at you. You channel all your sincerity into your gaze. “Even if I’m mad at you, I still love you. You’re my best friend.”
It takes a second for him to react. He gives you a small smile that looks awfully forced, then looks down at his lap. “I love you too,” he says. You don’t want to ruminate on how weird that felt, so you take the remote to resume the movie.
“Back to watching,” you say, leaning back into the couch.
Once you finish the movie, Beomgyu helps you clean the mess on the table, and the light mood persists. You’re glad that you didn’t ruin your friendship with Beomgyu, cause you only feel this comfortable and at ease with a select few people. When you go to bed, you almost cry thinking about your day. You knew that you were having a hard time, but you didn’t realize how hard it was until you got a slice of your normal life back.
A feeling aside from happiness grows in your chest too, something more reflective: you feel proud of yourself. It was hard setting your boundaries with Beomgyu, but you’re so glad you did. Even this one day serves as evidence that you made the right choice.
You can barely fall asleep because you’re so happy, but you have work tomorrow, so you force your eyes shut and wait impatiently to see what the day brings.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
“How have you been?” Soobin asks as you seat yourself in front of him. The restaurant he chose is a warm, cozy one, which is a relief. You were worried that he might pick somewhere too fancy, because you had no time to change out of your office attire.
“I’ve actually been pretty good, how about you?” You’ve been looking forward to talking to Soobin again. Ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend, you’ve been itching to feel ready for the label. You won’t force it upon yourself, but you know you’ll be there soon. You’re once again reminded of how lucky you are that Soobin’s willing to wait for you.
“I’m good too,” he answers. You love his smile, you hope he never stops giving it to you. The two of you catch up a bit on life, talking about work and friends. He seems to have been busy this week.
The food at the restaurant is great, but that’s no surprise because Soobin always knows the best places in the city. The night passes quickly, and you find yourself walking back home all too soon. He accompanies you when you ask him to walk you to your apartment. You blamed it on how late it is, but it’s actually because you want more time with him.
“Are you free on Saturday?” Soobin asks, looking at you with hopeful eyes.
“For you, yes. What do you have in mind?” You want to hold his hand so bad, but you don’t know if you’re at that stage yet. You crave the weight of his hand in your own, swinging between the two of you. You want to lean into his side and engulf yourself in the brewing romance.
“I was wondering if you’d like to meet my friends? I’ve been talking about you a lot, and I know I promised you I’d introduce them.”
You light up at that, making sure to look up at him so he sees your grin. “That would be so fun.”
You’re thrilled at the idea that he talks about you with his friends a lot. Whew. Good thing you’re already outside, cause you need the fresh air. He’s everything you could ask for in a man.
“We’d be meeting at my place if that’s okay,” he says, sounding a little shy as he brings it up. You can’t hold yourself back now—you grab his hand and squeeze it excitedly.
“Of course! I’m dying to see your home. And your friends.” You can imagine the nerdy little decorations he might have lying around his place. You’d let him ramble about each and every little trinket for hours on end if he wanted to.
You’ve arrived at your street all too soon, finding yourself wanting to slow your steps to get a little more time with Soobin. “Thank you for taking me out today,” you say as you see your apartment come into view. You stop walking so that you can fully turn your body toward him. You just want one last good look before you’re off.
“Thanks for giving me the time,” he responds. His warm, sincere words always find the right way to strike your heart.
“I’ll see you Saturday, then.” You send him a parting smile, backing up a couple steps. “Good night, Soobin.”
“Good night.”
As you walk away, you have a revelation. Your body aches to run back to him, you feel like you’re missing something and you can’t quite end the night yet. There’s something that leaves you feeling only half fulfilled. There’s something more you crave.
You wanted to kiss Soobin. Your wish is left ungranted, lips tingling with the feeling of what could have been.
Your feet pause for just a second when the realization hits you again. You wanted to kiss Soobin. You wanted to feel his arms around you, wrapped in a hug that meant more than just a hug. You wanted to hold his face in your hands, feel the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. You wanted to kiss him.
Oh, your poor heart. Where do you store all this longing?
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Saturday comes faster than you anticipate. You change into outfit after outfit, trying to find the perfect thing to wear. You don’t want to over dress, but you don’t want to look like you don’t care at all either. What do you even wear to a get together for a friend group you don’t know?
You settle on a cute dress that you bought while shopping with Chaewon some time ago. It’s modest enough to wear casually, but pretty enough to make you feel confident in it. You’ll have to wear tights to save your legs from the cold, but that’s okay. You move to your vanity so you can do your hair, looking at yourself in every angle in the mirror.
“Where are you headed?” The sudden voice startles you, and you turn around to see Beomgyu standing by your door. You didn’t even notice him enter your room. You wonder how long he’s been there.
You look back in the mirror, fixing your hair. “Just meeting some people,” you answer. Beomgyu steps closer to you, only stopping once there’s just a few inches separating you. You look at him through the mirror. His eyes trail down your body.
“Well, you look pretty.” He fixes the strap of your dress on your shoulder.
Your face heats up, and you forget what you were about to do. “Thank you.”
His hand trails down your arm and stops at your elbow, rubbing your skin. “Won’t you be cold?”
“I have a jacket. Plus, I’ll be indoors,” you answer.
He hums and nods. “Are you coming back tonight?”
“I think so. If not, then I’ll be at Soobin’s place.”
For the first time, Beomgyu has the decency to not make a face when you bring up Soobin. Instead, he looks away and lets out a heavy exhale. Well, improvement is improvement. You’ll take it.
“Who else will be there?” he asks.
“Some of his friends.” You see him tense a bit at your side from the information. A slight unease fills you, but you don’t let it consume your mood. Tonight will be fun. You can’t let anything ruin it already.
“Are they all guys?”
You pause for a second in thought. “I’m not sure.”
He looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. “So you’re going to his place with a bunch of random guys?”
You pucker your lips and look down, feeling like you’re getting scolded. Was this a bad decision? Maybe you should have done this at a public place. Beomgyu’s words worry you. Soobin’s not that kind of guy, though, and you’re sure his friends are just as great as he is. He’s thoughtful and always concerned about your feelings. You shouldn’t be nervous.
“I trust him,” you say, making Beomgyu scoff. “Gyu, please.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just
 worried.” He meets your eyes in the mirror. He really does look worried. You realize that maybe it’s not selfishness driving his words this time, not the need to keep you to himself, but the need to make sure you’re safe. Your heart softens at that.
“I’ll be okay,” you promise, giving him a small smile. “I’ll call you if anything goes wrong.” He nods and stays quiet for a second.
“Where does he live?” Beomgyu asks. You freeze at his question, but he’s quick to explain, “So I know where to go if something happens.”
He means well, you’re sure, but you’re still wary about giving him Soobin’s address. Of course you understand his concern, but another part of you wonders what he’ll do with it if nothing happens. He doesn’t exactly have a great streak with Soobin.
Is this you being paranoid? You feel like you have a legitimate reason to be cautious, but you also feel bad for thinking about your best friend like he’s some freak that’ll show up to Soobin’s house for no reason.
“I’ll just share my location if it comes to that.” You hope he doesn’t feel offended.
“Let me walk you to his place at least,” Beomgyu pleads. You sigh, trying not to look at him and focusing on your appearance instead.
“Don’t be so worried. I’ll be back by ten. Does that make you happier?”
He doesn’t hide his smile. “You know it does. You should watch me play League when you get back.”
You roll your eyes. “Watch you get it on with your one true love?”
“Weirdo. I love more things than just League.”
“Like Overwatch?” That earns you a smack to the back of your head. “Hey! Careful with my hair!”
You catch a glimpse of the time when your phone lights up, and you realize you’ve been taking too long to get ready. Why does time only fly in the most inconvenient moments? You take one final glance at yourself, ignoring Beomgyu’s frame in the mirror beside you.
“You sure you don’t need me to walk you there?” Beomgyu asks. You turn to him with a smile, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to not go up and loop your hands around his neck. You can’t help but feel endeared by his cuteness. You stay quiet for a few seconds just to look into his eyes.
“I’m sure,” you finally answer. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” Beomgyu sits on your bed, and you wonder if that’s where he plans on staying while you’re out.
“Be safe,” he says as you’re heading out of your room.
You look over your shoulder with a grin. “No promises!” The flash of fear on his face makes you laugh. “I’m just kidding!”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You gather your breath as you stand before Soobin’s door, not wanting to knock until you’ve fully collected yourself. Your heart races in anticipation—well, also because you walked twice as fast as usual to get here, but mostly anticipation. Soobin seemed to get along with your friends, so you can assume that his friends should get along just fine with you too.
Finally, you tap your knuckles against the door, swaying on your feet as you wait for Soobin to emerge. It’s cold outside, the kind of cold where your breath fogs up with even the tiniest exhale, so you hope he’s quick to answer your knock.
You give Soobin a hug as soon as he opens the door. Part of it is to feed off some of his warmth, but most of it is because you’re excited to see him. His arms wrap around you to hold you close to him, and he doesn’t let go until you do.
“Are your friends here yet?” you ask when you pull away.
“Yes, they’re in the living room,” he answers. “Did you want a drink or anything?”
You shake your head. You’re too impatient to see his friends, wondering what kind of people he hangs out with. You follow him into the living room, and your eyes immediately fall on the two boys on the couch. It makes sense that his friend group is on the smaller side. They must be very close.
You wave and introduce yourself to his friends cheerfully. They do the same, and you learn that his friends are named Taehyun and Kai. Kai seems just as shy and endearingly awkward as Soobin, but Taehyun is pretty quick to open up to you. You find yourself talking to him a lot. You’re glad that you’re not the only chatty person here.
“So how’d you guys meet?” you eventually ask them, interested in how their friend group formed. The question makes Kai and Soobin laugh.
“I was friends with both of them before they knew each other,” Taehyun starts, leaning forward as he tells the story. “I had this match I wanted them to watch”—
“Match?” you interrupt, tilting your head.
“Yeah, I was really into boxing at the time.”
Your eyebrows shoot up at the information. That explains his muscular physique. You can’t imagine Soobin watching a boxing match, though. “Oh, boxing, wow.”
“Obviously I won the match, but that’s beside the point.”
“You did not win,” Soobin chimes in with an incredulous laugh.
“Yes I did! I literally won by knockout!” Taehyun defends.
“I still feel like the other guy got way more hits in than you,” Soobin says.
“I think you’re just still mad from what happened that night.” That piques your interest.
“Why? What happened?” you ask.
“He’s gonna tell it way more dramatically than it was,” Soobin warns.
“That’s probably true,” Kai chimes in.
“I’ll say exactly what happened,” Taehyun starts. “After my match, I went to Soobin and Kai, and we all got to talking. Eventually, I brought them to the practice rooms so I could show them some basic MMA moves.”
“After basically forcing us to!” Soobin exclaims. “I tried to say no!”
Taehyun starts laughing already, seemingly caught up in the memory. It puts a smile on your face as you wait for him to finish the story. “These guys start swinging with the weakest moves I’ve seen in my life,” he says through his laughter. “And I was trying to motivate them, but when I pushed the sandbag so it would swing toward Soobin, it hit him so hard it knocked him over.”
You cover your mouth with your hands, concealing your amusement and looking towards Soobin to gauge his reaction to the story. He wears a sheepish smile and leans his head down, rubbing his arm to ease his embarrassment. Taehyun’s still laughing his ass off when you look back at him.
Kai stands to Soobin’s defense, “He didn’t really get knocked over, he just stumbled back.”
“He did more than stumble back,” Taehyun says. “He had his arms swinging in circles to save himself and everything.” That image gets a chuckle out of you.
“So upon my first impression of Soobin, I could tell he was on the unathletic side. I kind of am too, though,” Kai says.
“Don’t worry, Soobin. I don’t think I’d fare any better in the MMA world,” you say.
“We can be the world class losers of boxing instead,” he jokes.
The night lives on with lots of laughter and snacks. You start playing card games at one point, to which they have to extensively explain the rules first, and you end up having more fun than you expected to have. Turns out you’re not too shabby of a Spades player.
Taehyun and Kai head out after a couple hours, saying goodbye to you and telling you that they hope to see you again soon. You actually enjoyed yourself a lot today, so you wouldn’t mind seeing them again either.
Once Soobin’s friends are out the door, it leaves just the two of you in his living room. You see Soobin yawning and stretching out in his chair. “Are you tired?” you ask. His sleepy nod makes you laugh a little.
“You can sleep on my bed if you want. I’ll take the couch,” Soobin offers. What a sweetheart. You must be smiling so stupidly, but you can’t help it. Your heart is a fickle thing.
“Thank you, but I promised Beomgyu I’d come back home tonight,” you say.
Soobin looks out the window. “It’s so dark out, though. And it’s freezing, your jacket won’t be enough. Your legs will be ice.”
“It’s okay, I’m good at handling the cold.” You aren’t really, but you don’t want him to worry. He frowns, looking down at your outfit.
“You didn’t have to dress up for me. I think you look pretty in everything. I’d love for you to dress warmly next time.” There’s a distinct hammering in your chest now. His compliment makes you weak in the knees.
He grabs your coat and delivers it to you. You thank him as you put it on, zipping it all the way up to prepare for the cold. You smile up at him in hopes that it eases his worries.
“Let me grab you a winter hat,” Soobin says, disappearing for a minute. He emerges once more with a beanie in hand, placing it on your head for you. “There. To keep your ears warm.”
“Thank you,” you say, looking down at yourself shyly. You’re not the type to get all flustered and quiet, but something about Soobin brings it out of you.
“Thanks for seeing me, and for meeting my friends.” You meet his eyes again when he says that.
“Of course. Today was fun,” you say. You stare at each other for a few long seconds as you linger by his door. You don’t really want to leave.
Soobin is every bit as handsome as ever, and suddenly it’s killing you that you’re not all over him. You want to grab his shoulders and pull him close, let your souls intertwine for just a few moments. You want to feel his breath on your face, you want his eyes on your lips and a yearning to stir inside him.
Your heart jumps, every thought in your head is filled with something about kissing Soobin. You’re so easily reduced to instincts when your mind is clouded like this. Your face is pulled by some unknown force closer and closer toward his face. Your eyelids flutter, and you tilt your head just slightly.
All to meet nothing.
“Not yet
” Soobin says, slowly retracting his face. You watch him back away from you, and the inches start to feel like miles. A sense of humiliation washes over you. Your face heats up. Why did you do that?
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking up at him apologetically. At least he doesn’t seem mad or upset—that would kill you.
He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be.” He presses his lips to your forehead. You reach for his hand, holding it so that you know he won’t try to leave. He accepts your touch easily, lacing your fingers together and staring into your eyes. There’s a warmth in there that makes you want to lean in and try to kiss him again, but your humility saves you from that.
“Can I ask, when will you be ready?” Your voice is meek, and a part of you almost fears his answer.
“Whenever you’re ready to call me your boyfriend,” he answers softly, simply. You nod, considering his words. Your gaze must be distant because you’re so deep in your thoughts, wondering if maybe you are ready now.
Does your heart stop at the idea of calling him yours because it entices you, or because it scares you? You don’t want to waste Soobin’s time standing here to contemplate it; you know you’re going to need more than a couple minutes to figure this out. No matter how much you want to, you can’t act on impulse with him—you want to foster a love that’s true and natural.
“I think I’ll have that answer soon,” you say.
“Don’t worry about it. You could take a year if you need.” His words are so effortless, and he really means it, which pushes your heart further towards a path alongside him.
“I’ll see you soon,” you say, blinking up at him sweetly with a small smile.
He squeezes your hands. “Soon can’t come soon enough.”
You giggle, then stand on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “As a goodbye present.” His blushing cheeks at your action serve as a goodbye present for you.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Something changed last night. Your mind can’t stray from Soobin for too long, wondering when you’ll see him next, what he’s doing right now, how his day has been. You feel a yearning unlike any kind you’ve felt before. Your girlish heart has become something weak, so prone to go haywire at the slightest thought of him.
More than anything else, you think of calling him yours. You think of how you’d be able to spend the night at his place, cuddling up to him and falling asleep in his arms. You think of how you could stare into his eyes and call him your boyfriend. You could lean in and kiss him whenever you wanted, you could let him call you sweet pet names.
You think you might be ready. You want to be Soobin’s girlfriend.
You’re freaking out, body buzzing as you pace around your room, waiting for Chaewon to pick up the phone.
“Heyyyyy,” her voice greets through the phone, and you finally stop pacing to focus on talking.
“I got huge Soobin news,” you say, getting straight to the point.
“Tell me!!!” she screeches.
“I think I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend next time I see him.” That earns you an even higher pitched screech.
“Shut the fuck up, I’m so excited! Oh my god. What happened?”
“I literally just can’t stop thinking about being in a relationship with him. It feels like I’m going through withdrawals whenever I’m not with him. He’s been wanting to put a label on us, but I’ve been pushing it off till now,” you explain.
“I’m so invested in this. You would be the cutest couple ever. I will gladly be your third wheel and take all your cute Instagram photos for you,” she rambles.
“So you think it’s a good idea?” Her approval is important to you, and you’re desperate for her to give you a little more confidence in this.
“Yes, do it. As long as you make me your maid of honor.”
You laugh, so relieved that Chaewon supports you in this. You hope Beomgyu takes it just as well, but of course that’s wishful thinking.
“What’s the right way to ask him? Should I be casual or go all out with some extravagant date night?” you ask.
“Come on, it’s you we’re talking about. Obviously you’re gonna go crazy with it.” You laugh because she’s totally right.
“I’m thinking a hotel by the sea and a rose petal path to the bed. And candles, like so many it’s a fire hazard.”
“Yes, and then those eat me panties,” she adds. You burst out laughing at the idea. “Body oil too probably.”
“Oh, you got the whole vision. You want me to record it for you too?” you tease.
“No need, I’ll be hiding in your suite’s closet.”
“Thrilling. I finally get to help you live out your voyeuristic dreams.”
“Right? It’s a win-win,” she says. “But anyway, how do you think Beomgyu’s gonna react?”
You hum in thought. “I don’t know, but we’ve pretty much gone back to normal over the past few days. He didn’t put up a huge fight when I went to Soobin’s last night.”
“Girl, hold up. You went to Soobin’s place?!”
“Yep.”
She’s quiet for a second. “Did he rock your world?” You smile and roll your eyes.
“We didn’t have sex, I just met his friends. They were very nice, by the way.”
She tsks. “I’m so mad, you missed out on such a perfect opportunity to sex him up.”
“Well, I’ll let you know when that happens.”
“Please do.”
“Anyway,” you say, getting back on track. “I’ll tell Beomgyu when he gets back from work. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he gets all annoying about it. It’s actually pissing me off just imagining it.”
“Doesn’t matter, it’s not his life. You don’t even have to tell him,” Chaewon reasons.
“I mean, he’s my best friend, he should know. You and him are the two people I talk to about everything.”
“Yeah, but at this point you should be more focused on protecting your peace. What Beomgyu doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
You know that Beomgyu would find out eventually, though, and then he’d be even more mad at you for not saying something sooner. Any peace you’d have would be very temporary and delicate.
Chaewon starts up again, “I honestly think you should tell him after you make things official. That way he can’t stop you from doing it.”
You hold back a groan, not wanting to weigh out the options. “He’ll be so upset if I don’t tell him first,” you say.
“Still. He knows he can make you halt those plans, and I don’t want you getting hurt again.” You frown, but it softens you to hear how much Chaewon cares about your feelings.
“I’ve got a few hours until he comes back to decide,” you say.
“Just know that I’m one hundred percent team ‘don’t tell him’. Up to you, though.”
“I’ll let you know. Anyway, I’m gonna go now. Going to rehearse this conversation in my head.” Chaewon laughs and says her goodbye, then you hang up.
You drop onto your bed with a sigh. You hope Beomgyu can keep being normal about Soobin, and a part of you really thinks he can, but what if he hates you after this? He might decide he doesn’t want anything to do with you if you’re going to be in a relationship with a guy that he hates. (Hates for no reason, but that’s not something you choose to dwell on today.)
Beomgyu should understand why you want a love life. You crave a second half, someone who will mold you into a better person and navigate the rest of your life with you. Soobin can soften your rough edges. He’s got all the patience and goodness of heart that you need in someone. You want to know that a kind of love exists that you have not yet felt, something deeper and more colorful than anything you know. You want Soobin’s eyes to melt you each time you look into them, each time you think of them. Your heart has grown tired of just being a beating thing; it needs to be lit aflame, to burn for someone, to love so hard it doesn’t fear ruin.
Do you need Beomgyu’s permission for that? Is it as if he’s some guard to your heart? No, but the threat of conflict from his disapproval unnerves you. You try thinking of the best way to break the news to him.
Some long-winded explanation where you pour out your heart would probably irritate him most. You’ll have to keep yourself from going off on tangents—the more you say, the more ammunition he has against you. It’s not like you have to defend your decision to him.
If you’re too broad or dismissive about it, he’ll assume you don’t care or you’re hiding something. His accusations peeve you like nothing else, so the more you can avoid that, the better.
Realistically, his reaction doesn’t depend on your wording, for the most part. It depends on how mature he is about you getting a boyfriend. If he can’t handle the idea, then it won’t matter how you break the news, he’ll freak out no matter what. If he can accept that you can have other men in your life, then he won’t give you a hard time about this.
All you can do is hope for the better outcome. You pray that Beomgyu has learned his lesson in maturity by now.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
When you hear Beomgyu open the door, you rush down the hall to him. You’ve spent all day considering how to have the conversation about Soobin, and you’re excited to just get it over with now. The sooner this weight falls off your shoulders, the better.
“Hiii,” you greet as you watch him take off his coat and shoes.
“Hi. You hungry?” he asks. You shake your head.
“I had lunch an hour ago.” You notice he ordered food somewhere, which he just stuffs in the fridge.
“Do you wanna hang out with me and Yeonjun tomorrow night?” he asks. “We’re gonna watch some band perform at the common.”
“Depends how I feel after work.”
“Alright. You should definitely come though.” You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just don’t. You’ve got a different conversation on your mind anyway.
After a few seconds, Beomgyu starts walking off, but you call his name to stop him before he gets too far. He looks at you expectantly, raising his eyebrows.
“I wanted to talk about something,” you say. He remains still for a second, then carefully takes a few steps closer to you.
“Bad thing or good thing?” he asks.
You hesitate for a second. “Good thing.” You’re feeling nervous again, even though you know you shouldn’t be. Beomgyu’s been fine. He’ll survive if you tell him this.
“You don’t look like it’s a good thing,” he says. He must have caught on to your anxiety. Your fidgeting hands probably gave it away. You hold them behind your back so you stop fiddling with them. You breathe in as deeply as you can without making it too obvious that you’re calming your nerves.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to ask Soobin to be my boyfriend.”
You wait for a reaction. He blinks. Is that a good sign? He’s still breathing, too. Okay, so the news didn’t kill him at least.
“You’re asking him to be your boyfriend?” he repeats, as if he didn’t hear you right the first time.
Fuck, why is your heart pounding so hard? “Yes.”
He sighs and averts his gaze, looking around for a few awkward seconds. You tighten your lips, not really knowing what to do now.
“Your boyfriend?” he asks again.
You give him a curt nod. “Yep.”
You see it flash in his eyes then, something that brings you back to all those times he made your life so difficult. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to start feeling disappointed, that expression was more than enough.
“I tried backing off, but I just can’t do it anymore. You can’t do this,” he insists. Your head is going to explode. Not this again. Things were going so well.
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it,” you say, but you know he won’t listen.
“I can’t stand it. I hate thinking about how much you like him, how you kiss him, how he’s doing everything I could be doing,” he rambles.
“I’m not hearing this,” you dismiss as you start walking down the hall to your room. You feel Beomgyu’s presence loom behind you. He sure is determined. “Knock it off, Gyu.”
He pushes the door open when you try to close it, stepping in and facing your hard stare. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t back off. You feel inclined to be stubborn and stand your ground too.
“You want me to change? You want me to be more like him?” he asks. There’s something unhinged in his expression. It’s like he’s losing his grip on his sanity. Fear creeps up your spine, but it doesn’t overshadow your frustration.
“No, I like you the way you are,” you answer.
“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t need Soobin.” He sounds angry, you must have really bothered him this time. That’s okay. You’ll take this over his pity parties. It’s easier to fight fire with fire.
“I don’t need Soobin, I just like him,” you say.
“Then what’s wrong with me?” he counters. He’s really worked up this time, frustration radiating off of him.
“Nothing! You need to stop with this!” you exclaim. You’ve never had an argument like this with him, fueled by rage and nothing else. There’s no undertones of sadness or attempts to remain calm this time.
“Just tell me you hate me,” he says, stepping closer to you, invading your space. You meet his gaze, unwavering, even if you have to tilt your head up to challenge his stare.
“I don’t fucking hate you.” You cross your arms, not letting your guard down.
“Then prove it,” he says. You wonder if your eyes hold as much fire as his do right now. You refuse to back down. You refuse to lose this. He wants you to prove you don’t hate him? Fine.
You don’t let yourself think about it as you crash your lips onto his. You hold his head still, but it’s not like he was going to run away. He meets your lips with equal amounts passion and frustration. The kiss is nothing friendly or nice—it’s not soft and slow, not sweet, not the dreamlike kiss you’ve been waiting to have with Soobin. This feels less like a kiss and more like war.
You don’t hold yourself back, sucking and biting at his lips carelessly. Your fingers are pulling so hard at his hair that you know it has to hurt, but you don’t care. You hope it does. His hand is on your jaw, keeping you in place so he can lick into your mouth as he pleases.
You hope he tastes your anger on your lips. You hope your tongue feels bitter in his mouth, that it leaves burns in its wake. You hope this kiss will haunt him at night, that he’ll feel you lingering hours later, that he sees your face on his ceiling when he’s trying to fall asleep.
He can never settle for friendship. The simple life could have been so good if he accepted it. You were stupid to think he’d let things go back to normal and stay that way. You hate feeling so dumb. You hate being so easy.
“Is that what you fucking wanted?” you ask as you pull away from the kiss. You wipe your mouth to clear the saliva that collected there. He doesn’t answer, only pulling you in for another kiss, unforgiving and angry. Your teeth clash and he shoves his tongue into your mouth. He tangles his hands into your hair, pushing you deeper into the kiss.
You’ve never felt so angry at him in your life. You try to channel it all into the kiss, using more force than necessary. He should pay for doing this, for getting under your skin yet again.
He growls into your mouth—you guess he’s still angry too. Why should he be? You’re making out with him and no one else. If he wants to complain about that, then he must really be losing his mind.
You walk him backwards until he sits back on your bed, disconnecting your mouths so you can look down at him. His lips are swollen and coated with saliva. He’s hungry—starving—and can’t stand not touching you for even a second, so he grabs your hips and pulls you onto the bed with him.
There goes those walls you built up. There goes those weeks of putting in effort towards you and Soobin. You lose, again. Is this how it will always be with him? Was he playing the long game all along?
He knows you better than anyone. If anyone could figure out a way to set your life off course, it would be Beomgyu.
You have to get even with him. You have to stop taking everything lying down. You stare at him, who looks up at you like he’s waiting for your next move. Fucking prick. You’ll show him.
You shove his pants past his hips and pull his cock out to find him already fully hard. You’re not surprised. Precum oozes from his slit, leaking out on his tip. When you look up to see his face, he’s biting his lip in anticipation.
“Always need to have your fucking way, huh,” you say, squeezing the base of his cock. He throws his head back and moans, thrusting up into your fist. You let go of his dick to push his hips down with angry force. “Don’t you dare move.”
You spit into your hand and jerk his cock quickly, with little care as to how rough you are with him. You squeeze his length like you’re milking him, like you’re trying to get him to burst. If you can embarrass him and have him spilling all over himself in such a short amount of time, you’d feel on top of the world.
He’s thick and hot in your hand, but you don’t let it cloud your mind. You need to put him in his place. He doesn’t deserve a spot in the lustful crevices of your mind right now. This is about balancing the scale.
You keep your stare hard even as he cries and whimpers. You don’t let him see any reaction out of you, because the last thing you want is for him to take control of the situation again. At least like this, you feel like you’re not totally weak for him.
His hips jolt up and he gasps at your ministrations. He grabs onto your wrist, trying to pry you off.
“Behave,” your order, no room for compromise in your voice.
“Baby! Baby, stop, I’m gonna”—his sentence is cut off by a drawn-out moan. It’s like his body can’t decide whether to run away from your hand or rut into it.
“Fucking do it then,” you say through gritted teeth, fucking your fist over him faster. You spit onto his cock to lubricate it even more.
“No, not yet,” he pleads, breathing heavily. It’s cute watching him try to escape the feeling, but you won’t let him. You use your other hand to fondle his balls, and once you do that, he’s a goner. He’s spilling his seed onto your hand with his head thrown back and a loud cry. His hips stutter up into your fist, and his cock twitches in your hand. You feel a bit of a power high from that.
You slow down for only a few seconds before you’re pumping him wildly again. He looks at you with wide, helpless eyes. His body’s jolting with the shocks of overstimulation, and you can’t help but let out a laugh at that.
Beomgyu whimpers your name pathetically. His arms are shaking as they cling onto yours. You don’t relent, merciless as you try to coax another orgasm from him.
“It’s too much!” he cries, and you can even hear the shake in his voice.
“Take what I give you or I’ll leave,” you spit. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No! I can take it.” He pries his arms off you and keeps them at his sides, deciding he wants to be good and listen all of a sudden.
“That’s what I thought.” You twist your hand as it goes down on his length, squeezing harder. Your thumb swipes over his slit when it reaches the head of his cock. “Cum for me, dirty little puppy. Show me how filthy you are.”
As you command it, his orgasm crashes over him immediately. You watch in awe. It’s like he’s trained to follow your words. His hot cum lands on your hand yet again, and you continue jerking him until his high is over. You have to stop yourself from making him cum a third time, too addicted to his little sounds of pleasure.
“Thank you,” Beomgyu says breathlessly. You run your fingers through his hair with your clean hand.
“Looks like the dirty pup is good for something,” you coo condescendingly.
“I am good, let me show you. Sit on my face.” Before you can even respond, he’s already lying down and sticking his tongue out. You furrow your brows at his eagerness and decide to put his mouth to use a different way. Your cum-coated hand meets his tongue, and you let him lave at his mess all over you.
“Hm, guess your tongue is pretty good,” you say mindlessly as you watch him lick all his cum off you. When he finishes cleaning your hand, he sucks two of your fingers past his lips. You smirk and slowly fuck them in and out of his desperate mouth. He swirls his tongue around your digits, then licks up between them. He circles the tip of his tongue on the skin between your two fingers as if it was your clit. You wish it didn’t make your pussy throb.
You pull your fingers out of his mouth and spread them apart, admiring the strand of saliva that forms. You take off your bottoms and panties, and Beomgyu damn near starts panting in excitement.
“Yes, come sit on my face, let me taste your cunt,” he babbles, stars in his eyes. His excitement dies when your saliva-slickened fingers meet your core instead. You make sure he has a great view as you play with your pussy.
“You got me so nice and wet, thank you puppy.” Your voice is sweet, even if your motive is to torture him. You exaggerate your reactions to your touch, moaning extra loud when you circle your clit. Your other hand disappears under your shirt to play with your nipples. You bite your lip as you push your hips up into your hand.
Beomgyu sits up and watches you with a slackened jaw. He starts leaning in between your legs, and you push him away with a foot to his chest.
“Uh-uh, you can’t touch,” you tell him.
“But look! My fingers are longer and thicker than yours,” he says, holding out his hand. You roll your hips up into your hand, remembering the way his fingers felt inside you. You slip two fingers into your cunt to make up for the sudden emptiness you feel.
You fuck yourself with vigor, pistoning your fingers into you, putting on a good show for your best friend. You want him to think you’re not some weak girl who folds for his touch every time. Even though your body yearns for Beomgyu to take care of you, you have to make a point to him.
You get so lost in the feeling of your own fingers that you stop looking at Beomgyu, focusing entirely on the pleasure taking over. That was clearly a mistake, because suddenly you feel two of his fingers entering your pussy alongside your own. You cry out at the sensation, body shaking at the stretch.
It’s hard to move your hand now, but Beomgyu seems to find a way perfectly fine. “B-bad boy,” you scold, but your voice is so shaky that it holds no real bite. When he aims his fingers up, it forces your own to sit snug against your g-spot, resting there as Beomgyu jackhammers into you.
“See? Feels good,” he says. With his other hand, he rubs at your clit viciously, needing to please you more than you can please yourself. “This is so much better, right?”
Your body is buzzing, and you can’t even respond to him. Your mouth hangs open stupidly as he pulls moan after moan from you. A foreign pressure starts building inside of you, more intense than anything you’ve felt before. Your eyes widen and you try to pull your hips away, but Beomgyu’s determined.
“P-puppy, it feels different,” you manage to stutter out. His breath hitches and he connects his mouth to your inner thigh to kiss it. He doesn’t stop his ministrations—if anything, your words encourage him to go even harder.
“You’re gonna squirt for me?” he says with astonishment, and you feel his grin growing against your thigh. It’s blinding, the way the pleasure is consuming you. His hands are wild, working at you without mercy to bring you over the edge. It’s like he needs this more than you.
“I’m—nngh, oh god,” you stammer, body twitching away, but Beomgyu’s so desperate to see you fall apart that he doesn’t let you stray from the feeling for even a second. The pressure snaps and you cry out, legs kicking out as you release all over him. You feel your juices squirting out of you, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve been embarrassed at how much seems to leak out.
Beomgyu loves it, lapping up what spills onto his wrist and your thighs. You’re shaking uncontrollably, immediately pulling your hand from your center once Beomgyu draws back. You focus more on gathering your breath after that orgasm than on Beomgyu’s tongue licking every inch of your thighs.
You flinch when his tongue finds your pussy, too sensitive to take anymore. You push his head away and sit up, snapping your legs shut. He pouts, but sits up as well.
“Was that good?” he asks, biting down a smile. He leans in like he really wants to know your answer.
You press your palms into your eyes like you’re relieving a headache. Rationality comes back to you, but there’s no point in yelling at him now. You’re the one who shoved your hand down his pants.
“You really don’t want me dating Soobin, huh?” You feel more exhausted than angry now.
“I’ll do so much worse if you make him your boyfriend,” he says.
You blink at him. Is that some kind of threat? “What do you mean?”
“Just don’t be with him and you won’t have to find out.” You don’t have it in you to fight him. If it was this easy for you to fall back on your word and get intimate with Beomgyu again, you might as well hold off on the boyfriend label anyway. Maybe you weren’t as ready as you thought you were.
“You can leave my room now,” you say, leaning your head against your pillow. You’ll probably spend the next hour contemplating everything you’ve been through in the past month. He doesn’t need to be there for that.
“Nah.” He lays down beside you. You inhale slowly, gathering the control to not push him off the mattress.
“Whatever.” You’ll just have your mini crisis with him next to you. It doesn’t even matter.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
To your surprise, you don’t feel completely miserable the next day. Of course, you go throughout the day feeling awful about ruining your chance to be with Soobin any time soon and angry at yourself for touching Beomgyu again, but besides that you’re feeling normal.
You wish your work day would have lasted a little longer—something you never thought you’d hope for—because when you get home and see Beomgyu on the couch, you’re already feeling annoyed. You were doing so good before yesterday. Seeing him is just a reminder of how much you screwed up.
He seems as giddy as he could ever be when you approach him on the couch. You grab a blanket and curl yourself into his side wordlessly, just wanting his warmth. He accepts it gratefully, throwing an arm over you and getting you comfortable.
You can’t even really feel upset. You’re familiar with this cycle already: Beomgyu will bitch about Soobin to you, you’ll get each other off, you’ll argue some more, then you’ll hang out like nothing happened. You put yourself back in this situation, so you spare yourself the pity.
“I’m so glad we’re back to this. It was killing me to not hold you all those days,” Beomgyu says before pressing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I don’t want you to be upset anymore.”
“I’m not upset,” you say flatly.
“I want you to be happy. I’m really happy now.” You only hum in acknowledgement. You don’t really have anything to say to that.
Some time passes in which you and Beomgyu watch television, except you’re mostly going on your phone and Beomgyu’s halfway to falling asleep. You get a notification from Soobin, making you freeze for a moment.
[Soobin] We should meet up tonight if you’re available :)
Beomgyu reads the text over your shoulder. “You better not say yes.” You flinch and back away from him, clutching your phone to your chest.
“Why not?” you ask.
“Cause you said you’d go with me and Yeonjun to the concert!” he whines.
“I didn’t say I was gonna go with you and Yeonjun,” you counter. The entitlement is crazy.
“I asked you first though. If you feel fine enough to hang out with Soobin, why can’t you hang out with me?” he asks.
“What have we been doing for the past hour?”
“That doesn’t count! We live with each other, we have to hang out at home.”
“Wow, ungrateful. You should thank the universe for each second you get to spend with me, home or not.”
“I do. I can show you how grateful I am too, if you want.” You roll your eyes at his suggestion.
“I think I’m okay,” you say. When you lift your phone back up, Beomgyu takes it from your hand and tosses it gently onto the floor. You watch it land a few feet away from you. You don’t feel like getting up to grab it, so you let the device stay where it is. You settle with insulting him instead, “You suck.”
“I don’t want you to hang out with him tonight,” he complains with a pout. “I want my best friend.”
“Gyu, you’ll live.” What a flair for the dramatics he has.
“Just this once, please,” he begs. “You know you’re going to feel guilty and awkward hanging out with Soobin after what we did yesterday anyway.”
Shit. You hate it when he’s right.
You sigh, “Fine.” You’re enveloped in his embrace immediately, face smushed into his chest as he cheers in victory. “This better be the best band I see perform in my life.”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The concert is pretty mediocre. The band consists of some grungy college-aged boys who sing about being depressed and cheating on girls. Not quite your music of choice, but you enjoy your time as much as you can nonetheless.
Beomgyu’s arm stays slumped over your shoulders pretty much the entire time. For warmth reasons, you don’t complain, but it is pretty embarrassing to see Yeonjun looking at the two of you weirdly from time to time. He must be able to sense that something’s off between you.
Beomgyu splits off at some point to buy a water bottle somewhere, and you’re left alone to talk to Yeonjun. He doesn’t even spare you a glance at first, which makes you think he might be having a bad day.
“You like this band?” you ask him, breaking the silence. You’re confused why he glares at you when he finally turns his head your way.
“You like Beomgyu?” he retorts, voice filled with some weird scorn.
“Woah, what?”
“Aren’t you dating Soobin? Why are you letting Beomgyu touch you?”
You have no clue where this is coming from. Beomgyu must have been talking to Yeonjun about the things you two did together. “Did Beomgyu say something to you?”
“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “He’s been telling me all about how you’re sleeping with him while seeing Soobin.”
That motherfucker. He’s bragging about banging you to other guys? You’re nearly seeing red, but you keep your composure so you don’t look crazy in front of Yeonjun. “Soobin and I aren’t exclusive,” you defend.
Yeonjun gives you a humorless laugh. “Would you be happy if Soobin was fucking other girls right now?”
The thought puts a bitter taste in your mouth. “I wouldn’t like it, but I”—
“Don’t lie. You’d cry your heart out.” Yeonjun levels you with a knowing stare. You meet it, unwavering, but you know he’s right.
“You don’t know the whole story. I tried putting a stop to it,” you say.
“And what? You relapsed like he’s some drug? You need to get real.”
You want to be mad, but what’s the point? You’re getting reality checked, and it burns, but maybe Yeonjun’s right.
“Beomgyu puts up a fight every time I talk about Soobin. He won’t let me be.” You feel defensive, like you have to prove you’re not totally at fault.
“So you let him down easy with some pussy?” he asks with sizable disappointment in his voice. God, this is embarrassing.
“You don’t get it.” It’s not like you didn’t say no to him before. You tried removing yourself from the room, you tried telling him this can’t happen, you tried everything except leaving him. It doesn’t work.
“I don’t have to get it. You should do better.” The conversation ends at that, his words left to linger in your mind.
You stand silently beside Yeonjun and stare blankly at the band on the stage. Time has got to move a little faster. You pray Beomgyu doesn’t take much longer getting back.
When he does come back, you don’t let him cling to you like a magnet. He looks at you a little weird for rejecting his arm around you, but he doesn’t say anything until you get in his car.
“Are you okay? You seem kinda pissed.” His question only serves to irritate you further.
“You told Yeonjun that we sleep with each other?” You don’t hide the anger from your voice. He looks at you with wide eyes. Clearly he knows he fucked up. “I never once let you put your dick in me.”
Beomgyu breathes out slowly, then pouts his lips and taps awkwardly on the steering wheel. You allow him his minute of shameful silence before starting up again, “Do you just not respect me? I doubt you told him what exactly led to this.”
He still doesn’t look at you. He can try all the cute, pitiful tactics he wants, you’re not falling for it this time.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters, head down like he’s hating his life right now. Good, you hope he is.
“If you’re really sorry then you’ll stop doing anything more than platonic with me.” He looks at you with upturned brows and scared eyes. It’s as if you spoke his worst fear into reality.
“No, I’ll tell Yeonjun I lied, I promise,” he pleads.
“Why? You didn’t lie. I’m just some whore you get to brag about, right?”
“No! I lied, I was wrong, I should have never opened my mouth to Yeonjun. I’m stupid.” Ugh, you can’t take his self-pity.
“We’re never crossing that line again. I was stupid. I’m actually glad Yeonjun gave me that reality check.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to stop, I’ll just shut my mouth about it now,” he says.
“I don’t want to risk ruining everything anymore.” He has nothing to say to that. It’s eerily quiet for a moment. “Can you bring us home now?”
He puts the car in drive. The ride is silent the whole way home.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The longest week of your life passes by, in which you barely hang out with Beomgyu, barely see Soobin, and barely talk to anyone. You consider it to be a reset week for you, trying to detach yourself from everyone else to focus on finding out what you want. With so many complicated relationships in your life, you need plenty of time to think this through.
You spend a lot of nights considering what exactly you want from Beomgyu and Soobin. You weigh all your thoughts out and philosophize them, waiting for something to click and show you all the answers. What you learn instead is that no amount of contemplation is going to clear things up for you completely.
When looking at it honestly, your life has been a mess of ups and downs since meeting Soobin. It’s not his fault at all—actually, when you try to pin the blame on someone, the dart lands like a bullseye on your own face. And it’s not that Soobin is a bad influence on your life, making you do all these stupid things; instead, it’s that you have no willpower when it comes to Beomgyu.
So, do you end things with Soobin? You rack your brain for a smart answer, but it’s hard to even think anything after forming that sentence. A pit of emptiness forms in your chest instead, and avoiding that uncomfortable feeling is within your own self-interest.
You itch to call Chaewon more times than you can count, but you don’t let yourself give in. You want this to be something you tackle without the influence of anyone else. You already know how Chaewon would tell you to solve this, anyway.
A couple nights throughout the week, Beomgyu has knocked on your door, and neither time did you let him in. Out of everyone you know, he has the biggest influence on you. Your rational mind is thrown out the window when it comes to him. You don’t think that’s something you can stop or control.
He texts you and makes sure you’re okay, which you’re grateful for. You still eat dinner with him, and you even let yourself indulge in one movie night, but you’re trying to keep your distance so you can keep your head clear.
You’re at a mental standstill, looking down a multitude of paths that have no clear end. You could move in with Chaewon and make Soobin your boyfriend. You could end things with Soobin and see if you can go back to normal with Beomgyu. You could do nothing and give up your hand in this game.
You feel like you’re finding a new law of arithmetic trying to decide what to do next. You’re not the thinking type—clearly, as if the past couple months haven’t been proof enough—so you earn no insight and all headache from this.
Go you, trying to be independent and figure out your life on your own. Look where that got you, huddled up in your bedroom and even more depressed than before. You need a drink.
Matter of fact—
Wanna go to a bar?
You don’t even have to wait a minute for Chaewon’s response. ‘Bar’ to her is exactly what ‘squirrel’ is to dogs.
[Chaewon] You already know my answer. I’m getting ready right nowwww
No boy talk or I’m ending my shit in front of you
You need one night to just let loose and stop thinking. You’ve had enough of deliberating upon the men in your life this week.
[Chaewon] Oh you need those drinks bad
[Chaewon] Okay noted
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You don’t expect to be interrogated as soon as you open the door to your apartment the next morning, but Beomgyu’s insistent prying serves as a lovely pairing with your massive hangover.
“Where were you last night?” he asks before you can even open the door all the way. You’re too busy adjusting to how bright the room is to process his question at first. You squint to save your eyeballs as much as you can. You walk right into Beomgyu when you try to properly enter the room. He holds your waist to steady your balance. “Are you drunk?” he asks.
You shake your head and instantly regret it, since it makes it feel like your brain is sloshing around inside your skull. “Hungover.”
“You didn’t tell me you were going out,” he says. He doesn’t sound mad or accusatory, but it still irritates you because you don’t want to deal with this right now.
“Didn’t realize I had to.”
“You always do when you go out drinking,” he reasons.
You sigh, “Yeah, well, I didn’t this time.”
He scrunches your brows as he takes in your tone. “Are you mad at me or something?”
You rub your eyes. You need to bury your head under your pillow, this light is killing you, and this conversation needs to be over with. “I’m not mad at you.”
He’s quiet for a second. “I feel like you are.”
“Okay. Have fun feeling like that.” You open one of the cabinets to look for some medicine.
“See? You’re talking to me like you’re mad at me. What did I do?” All your patience leaves you at that. You don’t want to be doing this right now.
You place the pill bottle onto the counter with more force than necessary and turn around abruptly to face Beomgyu. “I’m hungover. I don’t want to talk. Take a hint.”
He blinks at you stupidly, and it just annoys you more. You scoff and turn your attention back to the medicine.
“Were you with Soobin?” he asks, breaking the ten seconds of peace and quiet he allowed you.
You groan. “Does it matter? I could have fucked Soobin last night and it still wouldn’t be any of your concern.”
“Did you fuck Soobin last night?” he asks urgently now that you planted the thought in his head. You swallow your pills in place of answering him. He holds onto your arm to stop you from leaving when you try to walk past him. “Did you??”
“What if I did? Do you think you have any right to tell me anything about it?” You didn’t, obviously, but at this point you’ll say anything to get him to stop talking.
His jaw clenches and he tightens his lips, but you don’t give a damn what displays of anger he gives you. He could pull his arm back and get ready to punch you and you still wouldn’t waver. You raise your eyebrows, waiting for his answer.
“I just—I don’t get—You’re not even
” He sure is having trouble finding his words. Some defense he’s got built up.
“Interesting.” You turn, ready to storm off to your room, but he stops you once again.
His hands stay clung to your shoulders, not even blinking as he turns you back toward him. “Please just tell me who you went out with.” He almost reeks of desperation.
You’re annoyed and you don’t owe him shit, so you don’t open your mouth to give him a response. You shrug with a straight face.
He whines and leans his head down onto your shoulder like you’ve just stabbed him in the gut. You roll your eyes. He always has to be the victim. You might just trudge to your room with him clinging onto you if he doesn’t give this up. You’ll get to your bed one way or another.
“What did I do? I’m so sorry. Why are you so mad at me?” he says, voice breaking like he’s holding back tears. He nuzzles further into your shoulder.
“Gyu, I swear, I’m just tired and my head hurts. You had nothing to do with this until five minutes ago. So please get off of me.” You push against him to try to pry him away, but he locks his arms around you. You sigh deeply, accepting his embrace because it’s not like you can run from it. You wait until enough time has passed where it’s safe for you to pull away without him freaking out.
“So you’re not mad at me?” he asks, giving you those sweet puppy eyes that you’d melt over any other time. Unfortunately, you’re still pissy and in need of rest, so you don’t coddle Beomgyu like you know he wants you to.
“No.” His lips tilt up just slightly at that. He wipes his eyes dramatically.
“Can I lay down with you then?” he asks, eyes carrying all his hope.
You shouldn’t, but you don’t want to deal with his moping if you don’t let him. “If you stay quiet and keep your distance.”
You’re already walking to your room when you hear him start complaining, “Keep my distance!?” You don’t stop to respond. Now that you have your sight on your bed, nothing could stop you from getting wrapped up in your blankets.
You fall against the mattress with a groan, smushing your head into your pillow. You register the bed dip next to you with Beomgyu’s weight, and you’re half-surprised that he allows you a respectable amount of space. A good five minutes pass in which you nearly fall asleep just listening to yours and Beomgyu’s breathing. Silence is always fleeting with Beomgyu, though, and it’s not long until he has to break it.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this. Did you seriously
 sleep with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks in a quiet voice, words coming out hesitantly like he’s almost scared to ask.
You sigh, turning your head so you’re facing him instead of being buried in a pillow. You blink slowly, still wanting to fall asleep. He’s pouting and looks like he feels bad for even asking. Luckily for him, most of your annoyance evaporated from you the moment you laid down.
“No, I didn’t. It was just me and Chaewon,” you answer. You let your eyes flutter shut again, assuming the conversation would be over now.
Nope. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier then?” You contemplate pretending to be asleep so that you don’t have to respond anymore, but you feel his arm wrap around your waist and you have to shove it off. There goes that idea. “And why can’t I hold you anymore?” he asks.
“Because of what we talked about after the concert.” Your eyes are still closed, but you bet he does something sassy in response like roll his eyes or curl his lips down.
“Well I think that’s stupid,” he says. You open your eyes to make sure he sees it when you scowl at him.
“You’re free to leave my room if you don’t want to respect my rules.”
“Putting rules on our friendship is so ridiculous,” he argues. “We have literally always been touchy with each other. Soobin can go cry about it if he thinks there’s a problem with that. Why should we change for him?”
“It’s me who’s putting these rules down, he never told me to do anything. It’s not just because of him, either.” Your head threatens to start pounding again.
“What else would it be for?”
“Us? Do you not worry that we’ll go too far and never be able to go back?” you ask incredulously, like the reasoning should be obvious. He must not fear losing this friendship the way you do.
“No, because I know nothing could break the bond between us.”
“Hooking up does. Don’t you see how much we’ve changed already? For the worse?” He’d be blind to deny that much.
“Hooking up didn’t change us, Soobin did,” he counters. He’s not holding anything back, overflowing with audacity today.
“I would have told you to stop with or without Soobin in my life.” Because you actually care about preserving your friendship. You know that a lifetime of shared memories is better than twenty minutes of sexual gratification.
“And you think this time will be any different from the last hundred times? You keep saying this is going to end, and then it doesn’t.”
“But I mean it this time,” you say with full confidence.
“You say that every time.”
“Then how about you make it easier for me and stop trying to get with me? It might make things easier if you actually fucking respected it when I try to lay down boundaries.”
“Or you can just say no to me, unless I’m that irresistible,” he snides. Is he serious? Does he think you’ve never tried to say no?
“Fuck you.” You turn away from him, done with this conversation. He doesn’t leave your bed, but he does keep his distance. Either he’s pissed off now too, or you’ve finally convinced him to respect you. Your bet’s on the former.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You’re getting ready to go out, wanting to spend your Sunday with Soobin. You haven’t seen him in a while, and you feel like you need this to clarify things for yourself. You aren’t supposed to meet him until later today, but you’re planning on running some errands first, and you might as well get ready now so you don’t have to rush to do it later.
The sounds of you roaming around your room seem to beckon Beomgyu over. He walks up to you with a soft smile on his face. “Heading out?” he asks.
“I am,” you confirm. You stop struggling with the necklace you were trying to put on and hand it to Beomgyu instead. You might as well make use of his presence. “Can you put this on for me?” You pull your hair off your neck to make it easier for him.
He’s able to secure the clasp much faster than you. He pats your shoulder when you’re all set, and you put your hair back down.
He’s quiet for a few seconds before he speaks up again, “I’m sorry for arguing with you yesterday.” He looks bashful as the apology rolls off his tongue.
You weren’t expecting that. You guys don’t really apologize to each other over small arguments, you just move on. You turn to face him so he can see your honesty. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”
He laughs. “I deserved it.”
You shake your head. “No you didn’t.”
You two smile at each other, and it’s times like this where life feels a little simpler. It’s surreal that you share your own little section of the world together, and that you still get to have these bonding moments years after meeting.
“I’m glad that I have you in my life,” you say. “Even when I’m hungover and annoyed at you.”
His response comes in the form of a giggle and a squeeze of your hand. You allow it, letting him be sentimental.
“Okay, I need to continue with my makeup now,” you say, pulling away to rummage through your products and find your eyelash curler. Beomgyu lingers behind you, just watching.
“This skirt is really cute,” Beomgyu says, pinching the fabric of it.
“Thanks, I thrifted it.” He hums and nods in response. A minute passes in which he silently observes you.
“You doll yourself up a lot when you go out with Soobin.” You slowly turn to face him, not understanding the point of his statement.
“Is that a problem?” you ask. You didn’t even tell him you were going out with Soobin.
“No. You look good.” You hum and pull out mascara from your vanity’s drawer. You lean forward as you apply it to your lashes, trying your best to ignore Beomgyu’s stare.
A part of you is admittedly confused that Beomgyu isn’t trying to stop you from leaving or fighting with you about seeing Soobin. Just now, he was actually the most collected you’ve ever seen him be when it comes to Soobin. You don’t want to jinx it, so you try to shift your thoughts somewhere else.
You and Soobin are going to the vintage market later, since you found out that you both share a love for vintage things. (For him, it’s old gaming systems and figurines, and for you, it’s clothes and home decor.) You’re thinking about trying to convince him to get dinner with you too, but that might be pushing your luck. You know he had some errands to run today too.
“Those are nice,” Beomgyu says. You don’t know what he means until you see in the mirror where he’s looking. You widen your eyes and straighten your posture immediately. Bent over the vanity like that, your panties were on full display under your skirt. And to think you were sharing a sentimental moment just a few minutes ago!
You scowl at him. “Thanks for staring, creep.” You shove your mascara back in the drawer.
“I’m sure Soobin would love them,” he says. You pause as you register his words. You’re not sure what his goal is, or why he suddenly switched up so much. You decide it’s best to not add fuel to the fire and just keep your mouth closed.
Beomgyu’s all fire though, and needs no fuel to keep going. “Your makeup’s really pretty too. You look like an angel.”
“What are you trying to do?” you ask, voice full of suspicion. Even in his tone, you can hear his ulterior motives.
He comes closer to you with a grin, leaning his head on your shoulder and locking eyes with you in the mirror. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you feel a bit overwhelmed by his presence.
“I know you worked so hard getting pretty, but I don’t really think you should go out today
 It’s windy, and you’ll be so, so cold in this
” He slowly pulls the thin strap of your top off your shoulder until it falls limp around your arm. His finger lightly traces the skin he revealed.
You’re not so curious what Beomgyu’s intentions are anymore. They’re pretty easy to guess now. “I’ll be fine,” you say.
He pouts, continuing to trace little swirls onto your skin. “You’ll get sick,” he adds.
“That’s not what you actually care about,” you say.
“I do though.” He places a kiss on your neck as if to show his earnestness.
“Beomgyu—no, this is too much.” You try pushing him off, but it’s as if he doesn’t feel your efforts at all. You give up after the second attempt.
“You should stay home with me so I don’t have to worry about you all day.” He stares at your side profile and brushes your hair back. He places another tender kiss on your neck, higher up this time. You try to fight any heat rising in your body from the action.
“Stop this,” you say, but it doesn’t sound so confident with how your voice shakes. You turn your head to look him in the eye. He just smiles up at you from where his head still leans on your shoulder. You hold back a gasp when his finger stops tracing lines on your skin and hooks under your bra strap instead, just barely starting to pull that aside too.
You’re so flustered by his finger slowly inching your bra strap down that you barely notice when his lips are back on your neck, attached to your pulse point like your heartbeat was calling for him.
“Y-you told me I could say no to you,” you remind him as his lips continue their slow descent down your neck.
“Yeah, if you actually meant it.” He places one last kiss to your skin, then props his head back on your shoulder to look into your eyes through the mirror. He smiles as if he likes what he finds; you must look as confused and malleable as you feel.
“You lied,” you say quietly, as if it’s a revelation to yourself and not a response to him.
“I didn’t. I’m just obsessed with pleasing you.” He runs his hands down your sides soothingly, then prompts you to bend with a gentle hand on your back.
“Beomgyu!” you squeak, fighting against the hand that beckons you down. You hold on tight to the edge of the vanity to keep your body up.
“Stop thinking. Let me take care of you.” His voice is so soft and coaxing, and you feel a sizable sense of shame hit you when arousal oozes from your cunt. An even greater amount of shame finds you when your arms shake and eventually give, letting Beomgyu ease you down until you’re bent over the vanity.
“We really can’t do this.” It might be too late to keep fighting, but you don’t want to suffer the consequences of this all over again.
“Shhh, baby,” he whispers as his hand travels down your back and settles on your hip, massaging the area.
Oh god. This is so bad. You’re supposed to be hanging out with Soobin in a few hours. You can’t do this right now.
“Gyu”—
“It’s okay,” he soothes. “Stop shaking, why are you so nervous?”
“I’m supposed to see Soobin today!” you squeak. He tsks.
“Didn’t I tell you to stop thinking?” A warm hand trails up your thigh. He doesn’t go under your skirt, he stays well enough away from your center, but something about his touch is still making your head spin. No one can make you lose reasonability like Beomgyu can.
You whine, and you don’t know if it’s out of defeat or out of need. You blink a tear from your eyes and follow Beomgyu’s advice: you stop thinking.
“Gyu
” You don’t even know what you’re calling him for. You hide your face in your arms so you don’t have to watch your reflection give up her fight.
“Yes, baby?” Your hips push out in search for his touch before you can stop yourself. Tears of shame pool in your eyes, and you're glad Beomgyu can’t see your face to coddle you for that. “You need something?”
You don’t respond. It’s embarrassing how bad you need his touch, but you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. A part of you wishes he’d leave you here like this so you could take care of your needs yourself.
He flips your skirt up with a careful hand, and you keep as still as possible. You try not to even breathe too hard. “You’re wet,” he says. “Want me to help you?”
What’s the point of asking? He went this far already. “No,” you say, and half of the reason is just to test if he’ll do it anyway.
“But you need me,” he says, brushing your hair out of your face and turning your head to him with his fingers on your chin. He looks at you like you’re a deer caught in a bear trap, like he’s being merciful to offer his help. You feel powerless when he looks at you like that.
His pitiful stare just makes you blink more tears out of your eyes, and you’d hide your face if you could, but he insists on keeping your head tilted towards him. He coos when the wet trails reach your cheeks, bringing a thumb up to wipe your tears.
“Do you wanna feel better?” he asks, continuing to spoil you with tender touches. He grabs your hand and lifts it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. You feel every bit the deer caught in the trap—Beomgyu’s got you in his claws now.
“I don’t know,” you say, pouting up at him.
“It’s okay. I’ll help you. Just tell me when to stop
” The light press of his fingertip against your clothed core makes you sigh, tension melting from your body. You close your eyes, shutting off your brain and relaxing into the feeling.
“That’s right, it feels so good, doesn’t it?” He circles your clit, keeping his touch feather-light. Even that much drives you crazy and makes your legs tremble. “Can I take these off?” His finger moves from your clit to hook beneath the hem of your panties.
“Please,” you say. He kisses your shoulder blade in appreciation.
“What nice manners.” Your panties are slowly peeled off of you until they hit the floor. The cold air hits your wet folds, making you shiver in anticipation.
“Fuck,” Beomgyu utters as he stares at your pussy. He brings a hand down and starts rubbing your clit, leaving you a gasping and mewling mess already. “I missed this cunt. God, you haunted me. You tortured me.”
He attaches his mouth to your neck, kissing down to your shoulder. You cry out when his tongue meets your skin, licking and nipping at whatever skin he has access to. You clench around nothing, making more arousal drip out of you. Beomgyu coats his fingers in the slickness and continues drawing tight circles onto your clit.
“Beomgyu!” you yelp out when he speeds up. He places a parting peck onto your jaw before leaning away to look at your face. He smiles down at you.
“You need something inside that wet little cunt? Are you aching for my fingers?” His words make you feel lightheaded. You’re already having trouble thinking clearly, but now with that thought in your mind, you’re a goner.
“Yes, I need you!” He’s quick to give you what you want, sinking two fingers in with ease. You’re left crying and panting as he fucks his digits into you, filthy sounds filling the room.
“You’re so hot,” he praises, pulling your head up with his fist in your hair. You’re forced to stare at your own reflection, met with an image of you that looks so unfamiliar. Your mouth is hung open, spilling out moans and cries as Beomgyu’s fingers continue ramming into you. Your makeup is smudged and no longer suitable to go out in. The strap of your shirt and bra still hangs limp on your arm, and that side of your neck is coated in Beomgyu’s saliva.
“I look like a slut,” you say, pouting only for a second before your mouth is forced open again around a whine.
“You look beautiful.” His fingers curl into you, searching for the spot that will have your eyes rolling back. Your legs tremble when he finds it, and you have to rebalance yourself, clutching onto the vanity to keep yourself up.
“There! Oh, god, Gyu!” His mouth is back on your throat, hot and wet as he sucks and tastes and kisses. He nibbles on your jaw, then moves up to breathe into your ear.
“Let me fuck you, let me fill you up,” he whispers. You clench around his fingers at the thought. He stills inside you and you whine. “Baby.” He holds your face so you’ll look at him. He presses a quick kiss to your lips. You’re too far gone to complain. “You need more, right? You need my dick inside you?”
He curls his fingers inside you once more, and your back arches at the sensation. You try not to get too heady at the idea of him splitting you with his cock. That’s the one thing that absolutely cannot happen, so you can’t let yourself give in to that.
“Tell me, or else you won’t cum at all,” he says, rubbing his fingers inside you so perfectly it leaves your legs shaking.
“No, please!” you exclaim, panicked at the prospect of him leaving you on the edge. Your frantic hands are quick to play with your clit and squeeze your tits, trying to get yourself off while his fingers are still inside of you.
“Are you gonna let me fuck you today?” he asks, moving his fingers slower so you won’t cum. You pout and push your hips toward him, but a strong hand of his retaliates and keeps you still.
“We can’t,” you say. Immediately, he pulls his fingers out of you. He slaps your pussy, making you yelp and shut your legs. He pries them back open and slaps you again, harder this time. His fingers collect your wetness and tease your entrance, but never slip back inside.
“Did my slut already give it up to Soobin? Because that would really piss me off,” he says, staring meanly at you as he waits for your answer.
“No! We never did anything together,” you answer, the truth leaving you easily when you’re so desperate for his touch. He huffs out a laugh.
“That’s right. You know you’re mine.” He’s so pleased that he decides to relieve some of your need, rubbing your clit. “No one else would be able to touch you like me. Tell me how I ruined you for any other man,” he prompts.
He pulls his fingers off of you and pushes his pants down, whipping his dick out and stroking it as he looks down at you. He taps your clit with the head of his cock and bites back a grin when you mewl at the action. He thrusts against your pussy, letting his length slide between your folds.
You have to cling onto reality and keep yourself from slipping into a brainless haze. It’s hard to do when his cock feels so girthy and hot against you. He would stretch you so nicely. Your cunt oozes at the thought.
“Say it,” Beomgyu demands, grabbing your face again so you’ll make eye contact with him. He leans over your body to do so, and you feel completely surrounded by him. His stare is hard and demanding. Your eyes bug out when you feel him press his tip against your entrance, pushing with just the slightest bit of pressure, but not quite sliding in. “Say it or I’ll fuck the words out of you.”
That scares you into compliance. “You ruined me for anyone else! Only you can make me cum! I only want your cock!” you chant thoughtlessly.
He laughs and smooths his hands down your body, resting them on your waist. “Good girl. Was that so hard?” He’s so condescending, but it makes you drip like crazy. He goes back to thrusting against your pussy, making you sigh in relief.
Beomgyu runs a hand under your shirt, squeezing your tits. Your back arches when he twists and pulls at your nipples while continuing to slide his cock through your folds. He takes his dick and starts swiping his tip over your clit rapidly, watching you spasm at the sensation with a grin. Your hole continues to flutter, aching to be stuffed with his cock. Unfortunately, Beomgyu takes notice of that.
“You need that hole filled, baby? Need to be nice and stretched?” He brings his tip back to your entrance. He circles around it teasingly, making you whine. You can’t let him fuck you. You need to keep at least that much from him.
“Don’t,” you plead, getting more antsy the longer he stays at your entrance.
“Don’t?” he repeats, but doesn’t move away.
“Please don’t!” you cry, unwilling to let him go that far. He finally relents.
“Then you’ll cum like this,” he huffs and goes back to stimulating your clit with the head of his cock. You moan out, pushing your hips down to feel him pressed against you more. Your mouth is dropped open in pleasure, eyes shutting as you focus on the feeling. Your legs shake and try to close, but Beomgyu urges them back open with his hand on your thigh.
You can’t form any coherent sentences, stuttering out a garbled mess of words that tells Beomgyu you’re right there. “Let go, baby, be good and cum for me,” he says, and your body obeys. You spasm everywhere as your orgasm takes over, breathing out in sweet relief. He’s moaning behind you, movements getting shakier as his release finds him.
Beomgyu pulls away so his cum lands on your ass, but his fingers play with your pussy to help you come down. Your legs clamp shut when it gets too much, and he takes that as a sign to stop. The sound of you and Beomgyu panting fills the room as you recover from your highs.
“Fuck, I wish I could take a picture of this,” Beomgyu says, staring at your ass painted with his seed. You can’t even think of a smart reply to that, still trying to get your breathing back to normal.
Beomgyu takes off his shirt to wipe you down with it. You’re glad he still has the mind to take care of you. You cringe when you feel him try to put your soiled panties back onto you. “Stop, I’ll just get a new pair,” you say, kicking his hands away.
You stand up and stretch, trying to avoid looking at your reflection as much as possible. You grab your phone to check the time. What catches your sight instead is a text notification from Soobin, and suddenly you feel sick. Beomgyu smirks when his eyes land on your screen. “You still going out with him today?”
You almost feel like you could cry. Was this his plan all along? You put your phone back down, unable to stand the guilt.
He wins again. “No, I’m not.”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Your life recently has just been a continuous cycle of proving that you can, indeed, stoop even lower. You’re so confused how you even got to this point. Your fairytale relationship was lined up for you, it was supposed to be easy to stop whatever you’re doing with Beomgyu and make Soobin your boyfriend.
Things are more complicated and confusing than ever, a precedent you continuously find yourself in. You can’t grow accustomed to this. You’ll go crazy before you ever figure out why Beomgyu won’t quit. What is the root of his insecurity? Why is he so threatened by the idea of you having a boyfriend? You’ve already told him you won’t leave him.
When you notice that Beomgyu’s not home when you get back from work, you decide to invite Chaewon over to keep you company. You don’t feel like being alone with your thoughts right now.
She’s there in a heartbeat, and the two of you are quick to settle on the couch and watch a bit of the show she’s currently binging. You’re only half an episode in when you stop paying attention and start talking to Chaewon about life instead. It doesn’t take long for Chaewon to land on the million dollar question.
“Alright, this has been killing me since we went to the bar. What happened with Soobin?” Chaewon asks.
You want to punch yourself. This is so embarrassing. “Well
”
“I swear, if you
” she starts, and you know what she’s thinking.
“I did.” You get a hard smack on the arm for that. You deserved it, honestly.
“You fucked Beomgyu?!”
“He didn’t stick it in, but we did basically everything else,” you admit.
“Why?” she asks. “Everything was going so well.”
“I don’t know. Because I’m stupid. I tried to say no, but you know him.”
She looks a little horrified to hear that. “What?”
You scramble to explain, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, “I mean, like, I gave in and let myself enjoy it because he wasn’t stopping anyway.”
“Do you even know how concerning that sounds?” Chaewon asks, looking genuinely worried for you. “Seriously, are you okay?” She runs a hand down your arm to comfort you.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” Her eyes have lost all their hardness and accusation, and she looks at you with only pity now.
“How’d this happen? Give me the timeline,” Chaewon says, and you sigh as you try to recollect the whole story.
“I actually initiated it the first time we hooked up again,” you explain with a sense of shame. “I was angry, and he kept insisting that I hate him, so I kissed him. Then it went further.”
“I hate him,” Chaewon says with a bitter laugh. You frown, so she continues, “I do. I can’t stand him anymore. He knew he was cornering you when he said that shit.”
“Well, it worked. It keeps working. I tried again to stop after that, which is when he told me I should just say no and”—
“What the hell?” Chaewon interrupts, appalled. “As if you haven’t been saying no in a million different ways!”
“Yeah, I don’t know.” You shake your head and shrug defeatedly. “So the next time he tries to initiate something, I say no, and he doesn’t listen because he said he could tell I didn’t mean it.”
Chaewon’s jaw is dropped open. It takes a few seconds for her to get a response out. “I really hate him. I’m fuming for you.”
“Well, I didn’t tell him to stop once he really started touching me. I don’t know why. He told me to tell him when to stop, and I just
 didn’t.”
“He needs to get it together. You need to give him an ultimatum.” The drastic measures make your heart pound. Beomgyu would lose it.
“I can’t,” you say. “Even if I did, he’d find a way around it again.”
“Stop giving him so much power over you. You need to detox yourself clean of him.” She says that like he’s some bacteria you can just flush out. He’s more like a parasite taking control of your whole being.
“But I live with him,” you reason.
“Then stay at mine. As long as you’re here with him, he’s going to keep doing this. He’s been messing with your head and ruining your life on purpose. It’s such bullshit. He’ll never take no for an answer,” Chaewon spits.
“What the hell are you guys talking about?” You snap your head over to where the voice came from. Fuck. Beomgyu came home.
Your heart stops. You hold your breath, staring at him with wide eyes. What do you say? There’s no excuse that could get you out of this situation.
Chaewon on the other hand doesn’t seem scared at all—she seems furious. “You,” she answers, unphased at his attempt to intimidate her.
She rises from the couch and approaches him with quick footsteps. You get scared for a second that she might hit him, so you follow her quickly. She stops in front of Beomgyu, and you stand back, observing the scene with your nerves on edge. Beomgyu doesn’t back down, staring daggers into her.
“Beomgyu, you are the most disgusting excuse for a friend in the world,” Chaewon snaps. She pokes a finger against his chest to make her point. “I can only pray that karma gets you one day and makes you see what a piece of shit you are.”
Beomgyu looks at you while pointing at Chaewon. “You’re just gonna let her talk to me like this? Did you even tell her the full story?”
You see red at his accusation. “I told her everything, matter of fact.”
“Yeah? Then she should know that you’re just as much to blame as I am,” he says, walking away from Chaewon and towards you. “I can’t believe you’ve been shit-talking me with your friends for things you chose to do with me.”
Chaewon chimes in, “How much of a choice does she have if you’re bugging her nonstop until she gives in? Crying, fighting, begging. If you were fucking normal she’d already be with Soobin by now.”
Beomgyu doesn’t turn to look at Chaewon as she speaks, so his face is still close to yours as he takes in her words. He doesn’t look remorseful at all. He just looks pissed.
“You can leave, Chaewon,” he says, voice dripping with venom. He looks you in the eye even as he says that. It sends a chill down your spine.
Chaewon grabs your wrist and pulls you a few steps away from Beomgyu. “Come sleep at mine tonight,” she urges you. “You don’t deserve to hear whatever shit he’s gonna put you through.”
“Fuck that,” Beomgyu says. “Get out of my house.” He points to the door. You’re shocked at the slight raise in his voice. He’s never done that before.
Chaewon looks at you, waiting for you to say something. You feel like the smallest person alive because you can’t bring yourself to accept her offer. It would only strain your relationship with Beomgyu more.
“Don’t be mad at me, Chaewon,” you plead, even though that’s probably too much to ask for. But she’s Chaewon, and she carries all the understanding she’s ever had, so she doesn’t get mad at all.
She squeezes your hand. “Be smart,” she says, then wraps her arms around you for a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything,” she whispers in your ear.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper in hers. She pulls away and pats your hair down, looking sympathetic.
“I’ll see you soon,” she says, heading towards the door.
“See you.” You can’t bring yourself to sound happy or excited as you watch her leave. It feels like your life force has been drained out of you, and yet you’re nowhere near done with the arguments tonight. You turn to Beomgyu, already expecting it.
“Please don’t listen to her,” he says. You blink up at him, confused. He’s not going to get mad at you? “I don’t know what she’s telling you, but don’t listen to it.”
You don’t have it in you to fight him right now. “I just chose you again, Beomgyu, even if I shouldn’t have. That should tell you everything.” It’s the last thing you say before heading off to your room. You don’t think your pout leaves your face all night.
Time and time again, you prove you can’t change. You can’t prioritize anything over Beomgyu, not even yourself. It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.
You want to believe you can grow as a person, but it’s so impossible when Beomgyu insists on bringing you back to square one every chance he gets. Chaewon’s offer rings in your head, telling you there is a way out. You could stay with her and leave behind all the mess that comes with being here.
Your eyes water. If only you weren’t so weak. You can’t imagine how that life would be better than one with Beomgyu in it. You can’t abandon him; for both his sake and your own, it’s better if you stay. You just have to get used to this being your new life.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Somehow, Beomgyu becomes the only person you don’t feel guilty being around. When you’re with Soobin, you feel guilty for what you’ve done with Beomgyu. When you’re with Chaewon, you feel guilty for not taking her advice and controlling your life more. With Beomgyu, you don’t have to feel guilty, as long as you don’t let yourself think too hard.
You end up spending most of your free time cooped up in his room. It’s better than being alone—your thoughts might send you spiraling if you’re left to deal with them on your own. If making you codependent was Beomgyu’s goal, it looks like he’s succeeding.
You let Beomgyu hold you in his bed, you let him wipe the tears off your face, you let him comfort you with peppered kisses all over your skin and honey coated words whispered into your ear. You let him do whatever he wants because it’s better than fighting with him and breaking yourself down even more.
You open your phone to see you’ve got a text from Soobin.
[Soobin] Are you free today?
Well, technically you are

You look over at Beomgyu, still caught up in his game. You think of spending time with Soobin, lounging in some restaurant or walking across the city. It’s nice, but any of that niceness is crushed when you think of telling Beomgyu that you’re going out with Soobin. You think of his petty arguments, of the tricks he has up his sleeve, of all the right words he knows just when to say to keep things going his way. You’ve had such a shit week that you just don’t feel like ruining your weekend like that.
You send your response.
I’m not :(
You shut off your phone and lay it against your chest. You feel like you’re becoming an awful person. A few minutes later, Beomgyu cheers and claps at his screen, pushing his chair out a bit and looking back at you.
“Come look at this,” he says. You wrap a blanket around yourself as you trudge over to his desk. He points to each statistic and explains how awesome and amazing they are, looking to you for validation.
“Super cool.” You nod and try to pull an impressed look, but he can always see through your bullshit.
“Why do you sound like that? What happened?” he asks. You fight back the urge to roll your eyes. Curse him and his stupid ability to read your mind.
You sigh. “I just feel like I’m always lying to Soobin recently.”
Beomgyu, ever the asshole, just smiles at that. “Why?”
“He asked if I was free today and I said no,” you explain.
“Well that’s right. You’re hanging out with me.”
“But we don’t really have plans. We hang out like this every day.” You don’t fight it when he pulls you into his lap. You relax into him.
“Just stop dragging him along. This is going nowhere.”
“It could, though,” you say.
“It couldn’t,” Beomgyu denies with complete certainty. He runs his fingers through your hair when you rest your head on his shoulder.
“Yeah. You would make sure of it,” you say, defeated.
“Don’t act so innocent.” His voice is soft even when he says that.
“I was so set on him. You never liked me like this until you found out about him,” you say, equally as soft, no real fight in you.
“I always liked you like this.”
“No. You never acted like this.”
“I was scared of losing you to him, so I had to act like this,” he defends.
“It makes me feel crazy. Makes me feel like a bad person.”
He hums, still comforting you with his hand in your hair and an arm around your waist. He pulls you up just a bit to position you so that you’re face-to-face with him. The blanket falls off of you and onto the floor behind you. He coos when he sees your teary eyes, cupping your face.
“You’re right, I would make sure of it. I’d never let you get into a relationship,” he admits. His voice drips with gentleness, and it’s smooth as ever, but you don’t feel soothed by it. You back up when his face gets a little too close to yours.
“What if I only want to be friends?” you question.
“Then just be my friend. Don’t be his girlfriend, though,” he pleads. “Would you really hurt me like that?”
“I can’t be his friend?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
A little fire of rage is starting to burn inside you at his possessiveness. It’s like he can sense it, and he’s trying to calm it down, gently rubbing his hands down your thighs.
“Don’t touch me like that,” you demand. He moves his hands to rest on your hips instead. “Don’t touch me at all.”
He pries his hands off of you and holds them behind his head. You feel yourself getting pissed off, but for some reason you don’t make a move to get off his lap.
“Why do you treat me like this?” you ask harshly.
“Cause I’m in love with you,” he answers like he can’t hold it back anymore. Your heart stops and your eyes shoot to his own in shock. He’s looking at you with all the honesty he’s ever had. “So forgive me if I can’t stand you being with someone else.”
You open your mouth, but you have no clue what to say, so you just shut it and stare at him, dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds for rationality to hit you and urge you up and away from him. He stands up as soon as you do, holding onto your wrist.
“No, don’t go,” he begs, lacing your hands together. You lean your head into his chest and cry out in confusion. What are you supposed to do?! God, a part of you wishes you’d never even met Soobin now. If you knew it would come to this, you’d have never stepped foot in that library. It’s just not worth it. You don’t even know how you feel right now.
“What the fuck Beomgyu!” you yell as you burst into tears. Everything is ruined. You can’t be with Soobin. You can’t be with anyone. You can’t have your old dynamic with Beomgyu back. Nothing will be the same.
Beomgyu hugs you, swaying you comfortingly and slowly. You hear him sniffle. He doesn’t deserve to be crying right now. What reason does he have to cry? Everything has gone his way.
You drop to the floor and hold your face in your hands, crying into your palms. He sits in front of you and pushes your hands down, brushing your hair back. His eyes are red from his tears too, but he’s tending to you. Your stomach twists. You don’t know what to think. A guttural sob leaves you.
“Maybe this city isn’t right for you. Let’s move away,” Beomgyu offers, trying a new approach.
“Like you know what’s right for me,” you mock.
“I do,” he asserts.
“You don’t.”
“Just stop with this. Do you not love me?” he asks, angry and serious. You don’t respond. He calls your name. You look away from him.
You don’t know. Somewhere in this whole mess, you’ve lost your perception of what you feel for who. You don’t respond because you have no answer.
He whines and hangs his head, clutching his chest like you’ve just stabbed him in the heart. Always the drama queen. You feel yourself calming down a little as you see it. At least you’re not the only one breaking down now.
“You want to be with him that bad?” he asks. He looks at you with pathetic eyes, tears falling from them pitifully. You feel nothing.
He grabs you by the shoulders with urgency and desperation. You have no more fight in you, so you let it happen. He picks you up and sits you on the edge of his bed. He stands over you, holding your head up so your eyes meet. He frantically searches for something in them. You’re not sure what.
“Can you talk to me?” he requests. “At least give me that much?” He pulls your mouth open with his thumb, staring at it like he’s waiting for something to come out. You don’t know what possesses you, but you feel broken enough to not question it when you take his thumb in your mouth and suck. Perhaps you’re just used to turning to sex in the midst of heated moments now. He pulls it out and stares at you funny.
“What?” you ask. He gives a sigh of relief, and you realize it’s because you finally said something.
“We gotta talk about this,” he says.
What’s there to talk about? He told you what your whole life is going to look like anyway. You don’t even want to think about it anymore.
“Let me sleep,” you whisper. Your head is pounding.
“Okay,” he agrees, laying you back on his mattress, adjusting the pillow beneath your head. You shut your eyes. He tucks you in neatly, making sure you’re extra comfortable. He uses gentle fingers to tuck your hair out of your face. You feel his presence stick beside you like a guard dog until you fall asleep.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You wake up with a clearer head. The room is dark, you must have slept your way into the night. You remember everything that happened and your eyes shoot open. Beomgyu’s sleeping soundly next to you. He has you right up against him, like he knew you’d try to run away as soon as you woke up. You realize that that’s what you should be doing right now.
You remember you left your phone on the bed somewhere. You feel around for it, more frantically the longer it takes, but you come up empty. A part of you wonders if Beomgyu took it. You shake the thought. He wouldn’t. You despise your mind for trying to paint your best friend as evil.
He can’t help how he feels, right? If he scared you or hurt you, he didn’t mean it. If he’s serious when he says he loves you, then he wouldn’t want to hurt you. You feel sick as you think it over. You probably shouldn’t run away. Where would you even go?
An idea pops into your mind, but you need your phone first.
Gathering your courage, you slip from Beomgyu’s grasp and get out of bed, causing as little commotion as you can. You scan the room with just your eyes, seeing if you can find your phone. You contain the urge to groan when you don’t see it anywhere. You bend down to check under the bed. Nothing.
You startle when you rise up and see Beomgyu looking at you. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m just looking for my phone.” You sound so meek and unnatural in your own ears. You sound scared of him.
“Oh.” He eases back into the bed. You didn’t realize how tense he got. Strange.
You look at him speculatively. “Do you
 know where my phone is?”
He furrows his brows. “Are you accusing me right now?”
Yes. “No.” It’s so much harder to rationalize the situation when you’re talking to Beomgyu. He’s quiet for a minute, and it unnerves you. You wonder what he’s thinking.
You watch him closely as he reaches for something on his nightstand. It’s his phone. He taps around on it, and you have no clue what he’s doing until you hear it ring. He’s calling you.
The vibration of your phone is muffled, but present. Beomgyu looks to his side and lifts your pillow, revealing your phone. He hangs up the call from his end. You grab your phone, feeling guilty now.
“Now you can stop looking at me like I’m some psychopath,” he murmurs off-handedly. It stings your heart.
“I’m sorry.”
He sits up and stares at you, then lets out a heavy sigh. His eyes look puffy now from all his crying before, and you figure he must not have slept much. You wonder if he stayed up crying while you slept in his arms.
“I’m sorry too,” he says. You appreciate that, because he’s got a lot to be sorry for. “I got scared and it made me act crazy.”
So you’re finally having this conversation. Your heart rate picks up.
“You did. I guess I did too,” you say. You remember how you broke down. You remember everything he said. “Did you mean it all?” you ask.
He’s quiet for a second. “I meant it when I said I loved you.”
“And when you said you’d never let me have a relationship?” you push. He looks like you just kicked him, and he bites down his response. You remember what Chaewon said about him doing that, how he only does it because he knows you’re weak for him. Not this time. Fuck that. “Talk to me now, Beomgyu. I’ll walk out of your life forever if you don’t.”
He rushes to respond now, eyes wide with urgency. “I don’t know, I’m just desperate, and—and I need you.” He stands up, but doesn’t dare get too close to you. His hands are held together in prayer. “Don’t walk away. I’ll control myself now. Please stay. Who else do I have?”
You take a deep breath, trying to not let his words hit you too hard. You need to keep a clear mind. If your heart starts getting soft, you’ll lose to him again.
“I want you to never meddle in my love life again,” you say, speaking as clearly and confidently as you can.
“But I”—
“Never again. No excuses. Let me be.”
“But I love you!” Beomgyu cries, desperate to keep you to himself.
“Stop,” you insist, locking up the iron gates that protect your weak heart. You can’t let him get through.
“I love you, I love you, I love you! You can’t do this to me!”
You feel him slicing away at the bars guarding your heart. You have to get out of here before he breaks you down again.
“I’m staying at Chaewon’s tonight. If you try to contact me while I’m gone, you’ll never see me again. Give me space.” You fear your sanity might slip from you if you take too long to head out the door.
He drops to his knees as a sob escapes him. Unintelligible pleading escapes his lips, but you can’t allow it into your mind. If you stay here a second longer, he’s going to find your soft spots and attack. Adrenaline forces you to start moving.
You leave the room, leave the apartment, but you still hear his cries. They echo in your mind and torture you as your feet take you to Chaewon’s house. You move as fast as you can, desperate to clear your head, but Beomgyu proves himself again to be a parasite, a stain you can never wash off.
Chaewon’s eyes widen when she sees you. You must look as rough as you feel. “What happened?” she asks, ushering you to her couch. She wipes your cheeks, brushing away tears you didn’t even know were there.
“Beomgyu loves me.” You choke on a sob, leaning forward until your head is buried in Chaewon’s chest, wrapping your arms around her body. You’re glad you don’t have to beg her to comfort you—she’s quick to pat your hair down and hold you while you let it all out.
“Honey, it’s okay,” she soothes. You’re soaking her shirt with your tears, but she doesn’t say anything about it.
“No, everything has changed. Nothing’s okay.” Chaewon picks your head up at that, cupping your face so you’ll look her in the eyes. You sniffle back your tears, suddenly embarrassed by them when she’s looking at you so intensely.
“You will be okay. I promise you.” She sounds so sure of it that you have no choice but to believe her. You nod, and she looks pleased at that. Once she releases you from her hold, you wipe the wetness from your face. You feel yourself calming down.
“Thank you,” you say. Even if all you want to do in the moment is wallow in your own self-pity, you can’t let that be the rest of your life. Once you feel confident you won’t start crying again, you tell Chaewon everything that happened with Beomgyu. She’s quiet the whole time, nodding as you explain the whole ordeal. You don’t have it in you to joke about it right now, and you appreciate that she doesn’t try to either.
“Well, how do you feel? Do you love Beomgyu?” she asks.
You sigh. This is a loaded question. “I’m not in love with him, but I do love him. Even after everything he did, I still love him. I probably always will.”
Chaewon nods slowly and hums in acknowledgement. She takes a minute to ask her next question. “What about Soobin?”
You pout as you ponder it. When you think about being with Soobin now, it’s not heart fluttering anymore. Beomgyu ruined that for you. Maybe Beomgyu ruined any man for you. You can’t imagine talking to another guy, now—not for a while, anyway.
“I’m not in love with him either. I don’t know how I feel now,” you answer honestly.
You get another cryptic hum from Chaewon at that. “I think you should see Soobin tomorrow and see if that clears things up.”
Tomorrow? That’s so soon. You need time to recover from today. The thought of meeting up with Soobin fills you with some sort of dread and fear.
“I don’t know if I can ever see him again,” you admit.
It’s too late for you to come back from this. The damage is irreparable. Beomgyu has carved his name into you, and you can scratch it away all you want, but the slate will never be clean again. You’ll always be marred.
“See him one more time,” Chaewon insists. “Don’t give up yet.” You feel a little bit of life leave you as you sigh. You’re not the fighter that Chaewon wants you to be. You’ve tried so hard, but it never worked.
She puts a hand on your shoulder and continues, “Text him. Ask him to go out with you tomorrow. You can still make this work.” She picks up your phone and puts it in your hand.
You look into her eyes. She has enough hope in them to encourage you to unlock your phone and go to Soobin’s messages. You stare at your texts from earlier, regretting how you didn’t just accept his offer to hang out. You wonder how differently your day would have gone.
You take a deep breath and look at Chaewon for reassurance. Her smile gives you the courage to send something over.
If you’re free tomorrow, I’d love to go out
You doubt he’s awake right now since it’s so late, but you’ll settle with seeing his response in the morning. Chaewon encourages you to get some rest, and you think half of the reason is because she’s tired too, but you don’t argue. If you’re seeing Soobin tomorrow, you’ll need as much rest as you can get tonight. You’ll sleep away the pain and open your heart up to whatever comes with Soobin tomorrow.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You do your best to not think about Beomgyu at all as soon as you meet up with Soobin. You want to enjoy your day, and you’ll be damned if you don’t at least try. You’ve put up with so much, you need a break. A day out with Soobin could offer you that solace.
It’s colder by the lake that you walk along the edge of, but the sight is so nice that you don’t mind it. Being outside is helping you feel better, too. The lake is still mostly ice, with fresh snow piled on top of it.
“I’m glad we get to spend time together today,” Soobin says, walking slower until he comes to a stop. He looks angelic even with his nose red from the cold.
“Me too,” you say. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
“It’s okay, I’m sure you were busy.” You can’t look him in the eye when he says that, it hurts too much. You weren’t nearly as busy as he thinks you were. Your mind was preoccupied with someone else.
“How has work been?” You almost cringe at how surface level the question feels. You’ve been past the small talk stage for a while now, but you’re having trouble thinking of what else to talk about. It’s not like you can talk about your own life as of recent.
“It’s been okay. I miss you sometimes when I’m working in the library,” he says. Your heart should flutter at that. You should feel weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach. Instead, you feel something inside you shrivel up. You push past the feeling, still determined to try to save this.
“I wish I went over more.” You wish you did a lot of things different.
“You still can,” he says, hopeful. You pray that he’s oblivious to your uncertainty. You smile at him, hoping it doesn’t look as forced as it feels.
“I can,” you agree. A beat of silence follows. You look out to the frozen lake. In the summer, this place is alive with the sound of birds chirping and people laughing. It’s quite different now. You look at the barren trees and strain your ears for any noise.
You don’t usually hate winter, but this year it feels eternal. You’re dying for the snow to start melting and to feel the sun again. The sight of flowers in bloom, of leaves returning to trees, is something you find yourself craving more than ever.
“Do you like the snow?” you ask, turning to Soobin.
“I love it. It makes everything look brighter.” You nod, looking back out to the world. The sunlight reflects off the stretch of snow, and you suppose it does look brighter like this. A gust of wind sends snow blowing at the two of you. You flinch, and he laughs.
“Have you ever gone skiing?” he asks.
You shake your head. “I went snowboarding with Beomgyu once, but I hated it. I had so many bruises the next day.” You laugh a little at the memory.
“I’ve been waiting to hear that,” Soobin says. You look at him in confusion. “Your laugh,” he clarifies.
“Oh.” You feel your face heat up.
“I love skiing, even though I’m not great at it. You should try. I know a great place. We can fall and get matching bruises,” he says, grinning. It puts a smile on your face, and you don’t have to force it this time.
“I don’t know if I can take up that offer,” you say.
Soobin nods. “That’s okay.”
It goes quiet again after that. Silence doesn’t bother you normally, but it feels deeper than usual when there’s nothing going on around you. You sway on your feet, kicking awkwardly at the snow.
“Are you alright? You’re never this quiet,” Soobin notes. You sigh. You couldn’t even begin to explain how you feel to him.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m such a bore today,” you apologize, wanting to shrink into yourself.
“I’m never bored of you. Tell me what’s going on,” he prompts, looking at you attentively. You’re flattered at how he shows his care for you.
You stare at him for a long second, wondering how much would be acceptable to spill. “It’s just Beomgyu.”
Soobin laughs for a second at that. “That’s not the first time I heard that sentence.” He doesn’t look upset or bitter, but it still makes you feel bad. Even if he’s joking, it’s true that you keep bringing Beomgyu up around him.
“I don’t know what to do about him anymore.” You wish you had the guts to say more, but you’re a coward.
Soobin takes a while to respond to that, so long that you think he might just drop the conversation. His smile has shrunk, and you fear that he’s finally putting the pieces together. “You do what feels right,” he advises.
You swallow, trying to calm your nerves. “How do I know what’s right?” Your brows are upturned, lips pouted as you struggle to draw a conclusion. His eyes trail down your face like he’s assessing you.
“Your heart will tell you.” He has no clue the torment your heart’s been through. The poor thing is too weak to make any decisions. Following it will lead you nowhere.
You shake your head. “No it won’t.”
He sighs, and that’s when you know he’s caught onto your dilemma. “You already know what your heart wants. You’re just ignoring it.”
His words strike you with panic. You search his eyes to try to find the answer he’s come to. “What do you mean?” you ask.
“I just feel like
” Soobin starts. You hang onto his words as he struggles to finish his thought. “You’re always thinking of him.”
Your heart sinks. It feels like the world has gone weak, and everything around you is ready to collapse. Can you even deny what he said? You open your mouth to try, but any noise struggles to come out.
“So, can I ask you something?” he continues.
You nod. This moment feels so delicate and fragile, you’re scared of breaking it. Your voice comes out in a whisper when you respond, “Yes.”
“Did you like me at all?” His eyes dart between yours.
You hate this so much. You can’t protect your pride. Guilt spills out from the pit of your stomach and sickens you. Have you turned into something vile? Have you hurt Soobin so much?
“Of course I did. You’re wonderful,” you answer honestly. He wipes a tear from your cheek when it falls from your eye.
“And now?” He keeps his hand on your face. You can't stand his kindness. The knife twists further.
“I don’t know. Beomgyu—he
” You don’t even know where to go with that sentence.
“He fell for you?” he fills in. “I can see why.” He brushes your hair back. Even now, his smile is pure and soft.
“Soobin
” You’re stuck with the most impossible dilemma. A selfish part of you begs to keep Soobin around. The butterflies he summons still come back to life at times like these. You’ll never have to question his sanity. What bloomed between you was innocent and untarnished until Beomgyu dug his claws into you.
The other half of you tells you to stop torturing everyone. Yourself, Soobin, Beomgyu—you all suffer the longer you remain on the fence. You can’t have both men in your life, and you know that you’re not going to give up Beomgyu so easily. You just wish you could figure something out.
“I know your choice,” he says, breaking you out of your thoughts. How? How can he know so clearly when not even you do?
He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. The most gentle kiss you’ve ever felt is placed delicately onto it. You blink up at him. It’s almost like you can already see him flickering away.
He’s letting you go.
You feel the moment melting. You feel the world slowly coming back to life around you, and you want to ask it for one more minute. One more minute, where you and Soobin can be the only two people that exist. He’s putting your hand down, he’s releasing his hold, he’s getting ready to go. You know better than to cry and beg for him now. This is what has to happen.
“Do you know your way home from here?” he asks.
You’re crushed, but you don’t show it. “Yes.”
He steps back. “I’m glad I knew you. You’re the best thing this city has to offer.”
“That’s not true.” There is nothing more cursed in this city than you.
He smiles at you. It’s the last time you’ll ever see it. “It is. I hope he helps you see that.”
That’s the last thing he says to you before he leaves for good. You watch him walk away. Your feet don’t itch to run for him. Your hands don’t yearn to tug him back. The only thing you want now is to see your best friend.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You try to control the way your body shakes as you stand in front of the door. You need to get yourself together. You steady your breathing. Your fist meets the door to knock on it gently, like you’re unsure if you actually want to go in or not.
You’re glad you ran out of tears already. It would be quite embarrassing for Chaewon to open the door to you crying for the second day in a row.
She assesses you with a frown. “It didn’t go well, did it?”
There’s no need to sugar coat it. “It’s over.”
Chaewon’s lips part in surprise. She’s quiet, and for the first time, it seems like she doesn’t know what to say. You walk to her room without a word, and she follows just as silently. You take your usual spots on her bed, and you try to make yourself feel something. You just come up empty.
“Are you okay?” Chaewon asks, breaking the silence hesitantly.
“I guess,” you answer. You didn’t expect Soobin to let you go. Selfishly, you thought he would never leave you. Chaewon sighs heavily, but you don’t dare to look at her right now. Whether it’s disappointment or sadness on her face, you don’t want to know.
Karma must be real. This was always bound to happen, you realize. This is some cosmic joke, some lesson from the universe to tell you what happens when you let control slip out of your hands. You dug your own grave. Soobin was always going to leave you.
A pang in your chest strikes you when you think of the beginning. Soobin’s shy introduction at the library, his giggles at your flirtations, his eagerness to keep you talking. Everything was so light and easy. You could’ve sworn there was an invisible string connecting you.
“I’m sorry. It’s killing me that I can’t do anything for you,” Chaewon says, and you finally look at her. Her eyes are brimming with tears, lips quivering in an effort to not cry. You frown and hold her hand.
“You’ve done everything for me,” you correct. If it weren’t for all her talks with you in the past couple months, you would have gone crazy long ago. You’d be caught between Beomgyu’s teeth. Now you’re here, sulking over Soobin with her, instead of going home to your other best friend. “You helped me more than you think.”
Chaewon gives you a small smile as a tear falls from her eye. Her hand squeezes yours, and it makes you genuinely smile for a second. “I’m always here for you,” she says.
“Same here, for anything.” She scooches closer to you, and you rest your head on her shoulder.
“How are you feeling?” You ponder her question for a minute, trying to match a label to your inner turmoil.
You sigh, “Numb.”
She hums. “What are you thinking about?” That question brings the pang in your chest back. You can do nothing but succumb to the defeat and hopelessness of it all.
“We never even kissed.” You stare into nothingness as you meddle with the fact. It’s a stupid thing to be upset about, but you feel like you had your one shot at romance ripped away from you. Who can you blame besides yourself?
You could’ve had innocent, pure love. You could’ve had sweet kisses and interlocked hands and a hundred cute little dates, but you traded it all for anger-laced intimacy, endless confusion, and nights ending in tears. You’re a fool.
Chaewon looks at you with such pity that it makes your stomach twist. You must seem so pathetic right now. A part of you wishes you’d run off to Beomgyu instead. He would’ve pampered you, made you forget about Soobin if only for a moment. You know you were right to see Chaewon instead, though. You’ve made enough dumb decisions with your life. You’re sick of destroying everything because you can’t let go of Beomgyu.
Chaewon seems to be thinking the same thing. “I can’t stop thinking about where you’d be now if Beomgyu never brought himself into this.”
You tighten your lips, not knowing what to say. You don’t want to think about it at all. “Yeah.”
She turns to you fully, looking more serious now. “You’re not going back to Beomgyu again. Don’t let him get away with this,” she says.
It’s not that easy. What does she expect you to do instead? Ignore him, drop him now that it’s already too late? You’d gain nothing from that at this point.
“It’s useless,” you say. She takes both your hands in hers, holding them over her heart and looking into your eyes.
“I care about you too much to watch you spiral like this. Stay with me. I’ll help you bring your things here.” She looks at you with pleading eyes. Your heartbeat races. The choice is yours.
“I can’t burden you like that,” you say, shaking your head.
“It would burden me more to know you’re letting Beomgyu win again,” she insists. You exhale shakily, trying to stop your thoughts from flying by so fast. You need a clearer mind to be able to make this decision.
“I need to think about it.” Chaewon nods, always understanding of you.
“Just let me know. I promise I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” You feel like you owe this girl the world.
You look out the window, noticing how dark it is. You would stay over her house again, but something inside you urges you to go home. You shift on the bed, stretching as you get ready to stand up again.
“I think I’m gonna head home now,” you say, and you see her eyebrows knit in confusion immediately. You know what she’s thinking. “It’s not for Beomgyu. It’s for me.”
She still looks uneasy, but she doesn’t put up a fight. You’re glad she saves her lectures on Beomgyu this once. She gives you a parting hug.
“Think about my offer,” she says as you pull away. Her eyes are hopeful, like she’s counting on you for this one thing.
“I will,” you promise.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The moment you get home, you take yourself straight to Beomgyu’s room. It’s late, and you know he must be sleeping, but you don’t want to feel alone for even a second. You don’t want to think about Soobin.
Beomgyu’s room is slightly illuminated by the glow of his gaming setup. He looks so peaceful laying in his bed. His chest rises and falls in a perfect rhythm, and you find yourself calming down. You stand there in the doorway for a minute, debating whether or not it was too far to go and wrap your arms around him.
He stirs in his sleep. Perhaps he felt your presence—you wouldn’t doubt it at this point. The boy has always seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to you.
“Gyu?” you whisper, testing if he’s waking up or not. His eyes flutter open, so slightly and sleepily that you barely see it. When he notices you standing at his door, he shifts on the bed to make room for you. He pats the spot next to him on the mattress, and your body responds to his call immediately. It seems the magnets attracting you together have never left.
You settle in beside him, cozying up to his warmth. Your eyes are unblinking as they stare at his ceiling. You barely feel like you’re in your own body as Beomgyu tucks you into his side. You only sort of register it as the weight of his arm falls across your waist.
“You came back,” Beomgyu says, voice scratchy and deep from sleep.
“You knew I would.” He doesn’t respond. He knows it’s true.
His breathing is starting to grow slower again, and your heart pounds in unease. You won’t be able to fall asleep. You don’t want him to leave you in the real world right now.
“Beomgyu,” you say in a quiet voice. He hums in response, and you feel the vibration of it in your bones. “I ended things with Soobin.”
He freezes. You don’t even feel him breathe anymore. You keep your gaze off of him; if he’s happy, you don’t want to see it. He tries to sit up, but you coax him back down. You don’t want to be up right now.
You continue, “Or, I guess, he ended things with me.”
His silence would irritate you if you didn’t feel so numb. You focus on your breathing, still staring at the ceiling. You feel weightless, like your body could break from the slightest shove.
Finally, he moves beside you. It’s just a turn of his head, but it’s enough to make you feel a little less stiff. You feel his eyes on you, but you can’t be bothered to meet them.
“Well, I’m not gonna say I’m sorry
” he says. You don’t need to look at him to know that he’s smiling.
“I know. Cause you’re an asshole.”
“But I’m not a liar.”
“Sometimes I wish you were,” you sigh. Your life might’ve been easier in that case.
He ignores that. “I’m here for you. Whatever you want, whatever you miss from him, I’m here.”
You don’t need that. You just need a cork in your chest to fill the space your heart has leapt from. His bandages will never stop the bleeding when it’s this profuse.
“I think you were right, I don’t know if this city’s right for me,” you admit quietly, resting your head on his chest. You hope the world is kind enough to let you find sleep tonight. His response comes in the form of hugging you closer to his body. You let it happen, soaking in all his warmth and comfort. This might be the last time you see him, after all.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You don’t say goodbye. You pack a couple bags while Beomgyu’s not home, doing your best to ignore your blurred vision from the tears welling in your eyes. Chaewon greets you with open arms when you arrive at her place.
“Just these?” Chaewon asks, picking up your bags.
“Yeah, I didn’t grab everything. I left most of my stuff there,” you explain, voice hoarse from your crying earlier.
“That’s okay.” She brings your bags to her work room, which she promised to repurpose for you as your own room. You tried saying that you could crash on her couch for now, but she insisted that she’d do this for you, even if it’s just for a couple weeks.
The room is mostly empty—Chaewon must’ve been up all night clearing it out—save for her desk in the corner. You’re reminded of when you moved into your apartment with Beomgyu. The thrill of independence, of being a young adult in a new corner of the world. Everything was exciting and new back then, and you miss the innocence that came with it.
“My friend has a twin size mattress that he’s bringing over later today, we can find a frame for that at some furniture store,” Chaewon says.
“Oh my gosh, your friend doesn’t have to do that!” you exclaim. You already feel yourself becoming a burden. “An air mattress is fine.”
“Stop, I’m probably doing him a favor helping him get rid of it. I’m not making you sleep on an air mattress, those things suck.”
“We shouldn’t buy a bed frame yet, I don’t know how long I’ll be here,” you reason, but Chaewon’s not hearing it, shaking her head and dismissing the thought with a wave of her hand.
“We can just get something cheap. I know a really good place. I got mine there for, like, three hundred.” Your eyes widen. You can’t control your natural reaction to a great bargain. “Yeah, I know. So let’s go there.”
The rest of the day goes by in a blur of setting the bed frame up, putting half of your things away, and chatting with Chaewon about how nervous you are about this.
The two of you are cramped into your twin bed, talking the night away like it was any normal sleepover. Chaewon gave you one of her LED lamps, and its multicolored glow is the only source of light in the room. You lean into her, and she lets you practically use her as a pillow.
“Did you tell Beomgyu?” she asks. Her fingers run through your hair calmingly.
“No.” You don’t know if you should feel bad for that. He is your best friend...
“You don’t have to,” she reassures. “You should mute his number. He’s going to find out fast and bug you nonstop.”
Your eyes well up once again. You would have never, ever imagined your friendship with Beomgyu would come to this. Is it for the better? You’ll hate yourself forever if this is the wrong choice. If only you could see into the future. That would have saved you a lot of trouble long ago.
“He’ll know I came to you. He knows exactly where to show up,” you say.
“He could knock on my door all damn day if he wants, he’s not coming in.”
“With how he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he brought a blanket and started sleeping at your door,” you joke. Your laughter is quick to turn to tears, and you don’t even know why. You wipe your eyes, not wanting to cry again, but you can’t help the loss you feel. Beomgyu’s your best friend. You just wish it could’ve stayed that way.
“It’s okay,” Chaewon comforts.
“No, I don’t want to cry,” you say, sniffling back the rest of your tears. “Let’s just watch videos and fall asleep.”
Chaewon leans over to pick up her tablet at the end of your bed, unlocking it to resume the movie you were playing in the background earlier. “Do you still want to watch this?” she asks.
“We should put on YouTube,” you offer instead. You yawn, closing your eyes as she looks for something interesting to put on. You’re already asleep by the time she makes her choice.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The first thing you see after waking up is Beomgyu’s texts. Chaewon would tell you to ignore him, but she’s sleeping soundly next to you and therefore can’t judge you for opening his texts immediately.
[Beomgyu] u out for the night?
[Beomgyu] helloooooo
[Beomgyu] ok well make sure u get to work on time
You should be getting ready for work. You shouldn’t be answering him. You don’t even know what to say, but your fingers itch to respond.
He still doesn’t know you won’t be coming back for a bit. Should you keep it that way? An ache in your heart begs you to spill everything to him. You look at Chaewon again, making sure she’s asleep. You look back to your phone with a sigh and let your fingers fly across the keyboard without a second thought.
You don’t reread the text once you send it. The only move you make afterwards is to mute his notifications. Something about it makes you feel so empty. You don’t know if you feel like a whole new person or the shell of a person. You don’t have time to linger on it either, because you have to get ready for work.
The feeling persists throughout the day. You feel like a robot, like you’re living life on autopilot, letting your body carry you around while your soul is busy searching for the important answers. You don’t care which font your boss would like best for the title on this report, you don’t care what kind of smoothie your coworker should get. You want to know how to fix your life.
Your walk back from work is much stranger now that you can’t take the path your feet have memorized so well. The thought that this could be the path you’d walk to walk everyday for weeks or even months strikes you with a sort of dismal feeling. This feels different than going to Chaewon’s place after work just to hang out. This is going to Chaewon’s place because that’s where you have to go.
You’re not granted reprieve from the whirlwind of thoughts as you make your way home to Chaewon. You question every choice you’ve made up to this point, all the way back to if moving here with Beomgyu was ever a good idea in the first place.
Is there a way to repair all the damage that has been done? The thought of starting all over again is frightening. If you ruined it all, if there’s no going back to how things were, then you might as well make a life for yourself somewhere new.
Maybe you could convince Chaewon to fly across the country with you. You picture a life where you don’t have to worry about bumping into Beomgyu or Soobin again. It both frightens and intrigues you. You can’t be so greedy, though; she has everything set out for her here. You can’t rip her away from the city that loves her so much. You just wish it was as good to you.
The possibilities of what could have been haunt you. You look at passing couples with a sense of envy, picturing you and Soobin in their place. Every store you pass, every street you walk down is a memory that you’ve made. It’s almost too much to handle.
Your feet almost stop as you pass the library. You only let your eyes linger on the building for a few seconds, but that’s long enough to make your insides twist. The warm lights that seep through the windows don’t feel comforting to you anymore. You walk a little faster and tug your jacket closer to your body. The trip back to Chaewon’s feels a little colder now.
You open your messages with Beomgyu as you near her place. You don’t know if you should be happy or scared that he still hasn’t responded. You finally allow yourself to read your parting message, feeling a little emptier as the words linger in your mind with nothing back from him.
Hi Gyu, I’m staying with Chaewon for a bit. I’ll come back if and when I’m ready. I really regret a lot of my recent decisions, and I think I just needed this as a refresh.
Don’t be mad at me. You’ll always be my best friend. Love ya
You swallow down the knot building in your throat. This is for the better. You repeat the phrase like a mantra as you make it to Chaewon’s house. You wonder when her place will start feeling enough like home, when you’ll stop craving to return to your real one. You open the door and shove down all your thoughts and feelings.
This is for the better.
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notes: sorry team soobin. sorry team beomgyu. no one wins... and maybe that's what needed to happen... much love and i hope you enjoyed the read!!!
taglist: @beomgyusluver @blankliving @ewsnup @flowzel @immelissaaa @multistansimp4life @nanamongmong
© delugyu 2025, do not translate or reupload
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lorelune · 2 days ago
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oliver is a whore who absolutely does not commit to you. it's very transparent that's just like. not his thing. that's not what he's looking for and it's not a farce. he wants a bedmate and someone to share space with but like... not the ties of a relationship. genuinely does not want to be tied down and it makes him a worse man.
HOWEVER i do think things changes for him when you 1) actively turn down opportunities to go to his games (this is so hot to him. your disinterest makes his dick so hard it's crazy)
and 2)
you're out together, maybe. a night at the club or a crowded bar. it's a celebratory thing after a game or a birthday. a crazy night regardless. oliver has a decently high alcohol tolerance and doesn't mind staying only mildly buzzed and keeping an eye on his teammates. and you. you're squirrely with him that night. oliver has thought about dancing with you, he wants to, but he holds back on initiating. he likes when you come to him (at this point anyways. guy's world is about to be fucked).
ohh man. but the team has a little private area for bottle service. it's a good place to lounge. oliver is just scrolling on his phone when you practically crash into his side, press your lips to his cheek, and laugh. for a split second, he thinks you're trashed. but another look at your face, your drawn up brows and wilted lips, you look more scared, than drunk.
you lean to whisper in his ear, arms wrapped around his shoulders, "some guys won't stop following me. play along, please?"
and you look at him with big soft, scared eyes and like. damn. his axis changes a little bit. you coming to him for safe harbor actually rewrites his brain chemistry so quickly, it's downright concerning.
he's not even thinking words when he pulls you into his lap and corrals you by the waist. he presses a kiss to your temple, laughs nice and low in that way that makes you shudder. "'play along'? you're hardly asking for anything, sweetheart."
it's. insane. how good it feels to have you in his lap and close when he's fully aware that you've been stalked like prey. all it takes is one look shot in the way you came, and whoever had been lingering around to bother you disappears into the crowd.
"they're gone," he tells you. "they shouldn't bother you anymore."
"thank god," you sigh. "a-and thank you."
you attempt to climb off his lap, but he holds you there. steady, "why don't you stay awhile? we can grab you some water."
"... sure." you yawn. it's... really cute. oliver's never lucidly thought of the action as cute when he's seen you yawn before, but it really is. "just don't be weird about it."
"wouldn't dream of it."
oh and when you grumble and settle your cheek against your collarbone and doze off on him? and he gets to ever so casually pull the hem of your dress down to the better cover your thighs? so no one can see that much of you?? just him.
oh he's fucked for you
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bonnie-the-butcher · 2 days ago
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Rip Tide | Chapter VI
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[ MDNI ] [ word count: 8.928 ] [ Masterlist ] 𝐂𝐹𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐱𝐧𝐬: Canonverse/Canon-Divergent; Dark! Content; NSFW (p in v, unprotected, implied m!masturbation); Strong Language; Cheating; Drug Use; Mentions of overdose; Some shades of Munchausen syndrome from dear old Rafe; Manipulation; Toxic, obsessive behaviour; Stalking; Violence; DUBCON/NONCON; My writing is really pretentious and English is not my first language, so please feel free to call me out in whichever grammar mistakes you might find find.
đ’đźđŠđŠđšđ«đČ | You and JJ have always been in each other's orbit. He's your brother’s best friend, the guy you've known your entire life. He was kind, protective, familiar. You never meant for the two of you to start hooking up. And you never meant for it to last so long. But when this boy you thought you'd come to know like the back of your hand turns out to be no better than the men he'd warned you about, you find yourself in the sights of the guy he hates most, regardless of wether you want that or not.
OMG Bonnie what is that? A JJ chapter? Yeah, maybe I went insane. Likes, asks, reblogs, and comments are always greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance for reading <3
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JJ takes a slow step forward, his shoulders rolling back, his fingers still coiled tight around the handlebars of his bike. There’s a heat rolling off of him, a barely contained energy that makes your stomach twist.
His gaze drifts over to you. The rage burning through his eyes as he climbs down, drifting through Rafe’ arms, how they wrap around you, how close he’s holding you to him. – What’s going on, huh? – His voice is taught, barely restrained. You think of the hiss a rattlesnake makes before pouncing, the barely restrained violence simmering under each sound. – What are you doing here?
– I could ask you the same thing, Maybank. – Rafe hums. You call his name, trying to reel him back before it gets dangerous, but he seems entertained more than anything. – We’re a little far from the salvation army. Not much for you to do around here.
– Rafe!
The kook holds your hand to his chest when you push him, smiling down at you like it’s the funniest thing in the world. – I’m just having a little fun with him, that’s all.
– Get off of her, Rafe.
He’s looking at you with a focus that’s never a good sign, but don’t miss the way his eyes flick to where Rafe’s hand still lingers at your waist. The moment stretches, thick with the weight of his anger, but you can’t bring yourself to move first.
Rafe doesn’t bother hiding his grin. If anything, it grows, slow and deliberate, like this is the most fun he’s had all night. – Why? You scared she won’t come back when she realizes there’s more to life than being leeched off of by her brother’s friends?
– Rafe, this isn’t funny.
– JJ must think it is, it’s the only thing he does well. – Rafe drawls, tilting his head as he finally steps back from you—but not without dragging his fingers along your side, a pointed reminder. – Right, JJ?
JJ’s lips press into a thin line. His fingers flex around the handlebars, his nostrils flaring as he exhales hard through his nose. His gaze cuts to you now, sharp and demanding. – What the hell are you doing with this asshole?
His voice grates you. Every word echoing in your head like nails on a chalkboard.
– This is none of your business, JJ.
He doesn’t even pretend to hear you. – Kie told me what happened at work. We were all worried about you.
You open your mouth, but Rafe hums before you can speak, stepping in again, loose and easy, barely putting in effort but still commanding all the space between you. – Worried? Were you worried that you’re finally gonna have to get a job and deal with your own shit?!
– You don’t know what you’re talking about, okay?! Shut the fuck up!
– Or what? Are you gonna freeload off of me too?
JJ moves before you can stop him. His bike crashes to the pavement as he lunges, fists already clenched, fury twisting his face. Rafe barely shifts, like he’s been expecting this all along, like he’s been waiting for the moment he can finally push JJ over the edge.
– THIS SHIT ISN’T ABOUT YOU RAFE!
You step in fast, hands catching JJ’s arm before he can swing, your pulse hammering. – JJ, don’t. Fuck off. Don’t fucking do this right now.
– He’s the one who needs to fuck off! We’re talking right now, it’s none of his fucking business! – His breath is ragged, his muscles stiff under your grip. But Rafe just grins, smug and taunting, eyes alight with something dark. – Tell him to go away.
– You can’t tell me that yourself? Is that how much of a bitch you are, JJ?
JJ lunges, nearly pushing you into the asphalt by mistake. Rafe’s the one that catches you, his hand steadying you as you hold JJ back. – LET GO OF ME!
– JJ step the fuck back, I’m not even kidding you.
– He started it!
Rafe whistles lowly, laughing just under his breath as his arm wraps around you again. – Your brother really knows how to pick them, doesn’t he?
– Not helping, Rafe.
– I’m just trying to enjoy myself while you talk him down from his tantrum. I’m great.
– Stop fucking talking to her like that!
– Or what? You gonna hit me? – He muses, tilting his head, like the thought actually amuses him. – Go ahead, man. Take your shot. I bet it’ll feel real good.
JJ’s jaw tightens, his arm twitching under your hold. You can feel the war inside him, the barely restrained urge to throw that punch, to finally give Rafe the fight he’s clearly asking for.
But you don’t let go.
And JJ doesn’t swing.
For a second, the only sound is the thick silence between you.
Then Rafe sighs, exaggerated and disappointed. – Shame, – He mutters, stepping back, shaking his head like JJ’s let him down. – I was really hoping you’d play along, JJ. It’s been what? A week since you last got arrested? Has it ever been so long? I bet they’re missing you down at the station.
He flashes a grin at you, sharp and knowing, before brushing past, hands moving over your back like he owns you. – Y’know what, baby? We should really get going. I’m getting kinda bored.
– You’re out of your fucking mind if you think she’s going anywhere with you.
– JJ. – You warn, but he doesn’t seem to hear you.
– She came here with me, buddy. Maybe you wanna look around you. – He glances at you, blue eyes gleaming as he takes you by the arm. – C’mon. It’s getting late, right? Your brother’s probably struggling to figure out the oven right now.
– You don’t know what the fuck your talking about. – JJ growls.
– You’re gonna go home with this pogue? –The question comes out in a hum, almost condescendingly. His laughter thrills up your spine like a shiver of fear. – You’re gonna let him strongarm you like this?
You swallow, breathing in deep.
Rafe’s grip on your arm tightens, fingers warm against your skin, but you don’t move. His smirk twitches—just barely—before he tilts his head, watching you with curiosity, even if the smile he’s giving you doesn’t seem too pleased.
JJ notices too. He exhales sharply, barely holding himself together. – You’re not leaving with him.
His voice is low, coarse. And he’s clinging, moving his arms within your hold like a whiny kid. But it’s not a plea. It’s a demand.
Rafe hums under his breath, low and pleased, like this is all going exactly how he wanted. – She’s not staying for you, JJ. – He flicks his gaze over, like he’s looking at something stuck to the bottom of his shoe. – You have John B’s useless ass to thank for her not leaving with me right now.
JJ clenches his jaw so tight you swear you hear his molars crack. – Shut the fuck up, Rafe.
Rafe grins, slow and knowing. – I will if she makes me. Right, baby? Maybe you can give me a goodnight kiss before I go.
JJ takes a step forward, but you press a hand to his chest, stopping him. He seethes, nostrils flaring, but you shake your head. – Just go, Rafe. Please. – Your voice isn’t sharp—it’s tired, annoyed.
And that’s exactly why Rafe thrives on it.
He tsks, squeezing your waist in his hold on you before pulling his keys from his pocket. – That’s okay. We’ll have plenty of time for that tomorrow, right? – He leans in, voice dipping lower. – You can make it up to me.
You sigh, rubbing your temple. – Rafe—
– You’re cute when you get all flustered. – He laughs, tapping your chin with his knuckle. – I’ll call you later.
JJ lunges, and it takes everything in you to shove him back.
Rafe just whistles, all relaxed amusement, stepping back with an easy grin. – Damn, Maybank, you’re really gonna let her hold you back like that?
JJ is shaking in anger, chest heaving.
Rafe doesn’t wait for an answer. He shoots you a wink and a lazy salute before finally turning away, tossing over his shoulder, – Don’t miss me too much, baby.
JJ exhales sharply, shaking off your hold. His head drops for a second, his hands clenching at his sides before he looks at you, eyes blazing. – What the hell was that?
You swallow hard, the weight in your chest pressing down heavy. – JJ—
But he shakes his head. – Nah. No way. You don’t get to brush this off. – His voice is rough, disbelief coating every syllable. – Tell me you’re not— He stops himself, exhaling sharply again before taking a step back, shaking his head like he’s trying to make sense of it. – Tell me you’re not seriously falling for this shit.
You don’t know what to say.
Because maybe you don’t have an answer he wants to hear.
– Oh my God. – You don’t know what exactly in his face shifts, but you feel the air around you thicken. – You are, aren’t you?!
– Spare me the outrage, JJ. I’m not in the mood for your lectures.
– The guy is a fucking psychopath! There’s no fucking way you do’t see that! He’s insane!
You roll your eyes, a sigh falling from your lips before you can think of it. – You say that like you’re some sort of model of normalcy.
– I can’t fucking believe you!
– I don’t fucking need you to believe me, JJ. Clearly you fucking don’t. It doesn’t matter what I say, you already have your pitchfork ready! So what exactly am I supposed to be getting out of this?! Huh? Tell me. – A beat of silence lingers between you, as you turn your back on him. It’s long past 6 PM. The sky is pitch-black. – Can we just go? I don’t wanna do this.
You can see the gears turn in his head when you speak. His eyes soften, jaw unclentching. – I’m trying to look out for you. – You scoff. – Look, I know you’re stressed and all, but you don’t need to be taking it out on me, okay?! Chill out.
– Thanks, Mother Teresa. I feel much calmer now.
– Can we just put down the boxing gloves, right now?!
– I don’t know JJ, can we? I can’t put my guard down with you for a moment. Because that’s what you do. You tell me I should calm down, and when I do, you come up with some insane shit to piss me off all over again!
JJ watches you, chest still rising and falling like he’s trying to catch a breath that won’t come. Then his expression shifts—like something clicks into place, like he’s realizing something he doesn’t like.
His lips curl, his tongue running over the inside of his cheek. – Are you serious? – His voice is quieter now, almost disbelieving. – This is where we’re at?
You shake your head, swallowing back the lump in your throat. – I don’t want to do this right now, JJ.
– Oh, that’s rich. You don’t wanna do this right now? – He lets out a sharp, humorless laugh. – You wanna pick a better time? Should I make an appointment? Because it’s like you never have time for me these days! You’ll speak your mind, talk all the game you fucking want, but when it’s time to talk about my feelings, suddenly you’re too tired to deal!
Your stomach twists.
JJ scoffs. – You know, I keep trying. I keep trying to get through to you, and you just— He stops, shakes his head again, shoving a hand through his hair like that’ll help get rid of some of the frustration bleeding off of him.
– Trying to what, JJ? What is it that you’re trying to get through to me so much? That I can’t even talk to people while you go around fucking whatever girl you want? – The words come out before you can stop them.
– That’s funny, I don’t remember leaving with your mortal enemy!
– And I don’t remember kissing your best friend after leaving your bed, JJ. But here we are!
JJ goes still.
For a second, neither of you speak.
Then he exhales sharply through his nose, shaking his head like you’ve just confirmed something he was trying not to believe. – There you go again, – He mutters, half in laughter, half in scorn. – You’re insane. Like. You’re actually sick in the fucking head. You and Rafe are perfect for each other. Maybe that’s why you’re here right? I was too normal, so you got bored. And that’s why you’re here in the Country Club, fucking that psychopath!
You stare at him, heart still pounding, but there’s something else gnawing at the edges of your mind now—something off. Something you didn’t notice in the heat of it all.
The country club.
You’re not at your job.
You’re not at home.
You’re not even on your side of the island.
Your stomach twists again.
– JJ, – you start, voice quieter now.
But he doesn’t hear it, or he doesn’t care. He scoffs again, throwing his hands in the air as he turns away, pacing. – I should’ve known. I should’ve listened to John B. He always said you were fucking twisted! But leave it to me! It’s my fault or thinking you could act like a person for once!
Your pulse stutters.
You don’t even register his words.
You don’t remember telling him where you were.
Your job isn't anywhere near the Country Club. You didn’t text him. You didn’t call him.
So how did he find you?
Your skin prickles as you stare at him, the words barely coming out. – JJ... how did you know I was here?
– What?! – He laughs, like you’ve just said something stupid, but you’re not gonna let him do this. Keeping your face neutral, even while your blood runs cold, you repeat:
– How did you know where I was? – He looks at you for a moment, frozen in place. You don’t even see him breathe. But the thoughts run wild behind his eyes, his mouth hanging open, unable to keep up with the speed at which his mind is running. – Answer me. How did you know I was here, JJ?
– I— He swallows, looking between each of your eyes frantically. – I was gonna pick you up at work,
– At a quarter to seven PM? You know I get the bus. It leaves at 5:20. You know that.
– Why are you making a big deal out of this?! I was driving to the wreck and I saw you here—
– No you weren’t. The wreck is East. To get here, you need to be going West.
He’s quiet again.
– Are you following me? How did you even— Realization dawns on you. JJ and John had your phone all day after you left. The notification you saw when you finally got it back, was from your maps app, which you’ve never opened in your life. You pull your phone out of your pocket. The location is on, but you don’t remember activating it. You open your messages. The latest contact is JJ. But you haven’t texted him in days. The chat is empty. – You sent my phone location to yourself, didn’t you? You and John are fucki— Your voice dies within your throat. The hair at the back of your neck standing. – John doesn’t have my password, though.
– You’re acting insane.
– How the fuck did you figure out my password, JJ? It’s a thousand characters long. I expect that shit from Pope, but— You stop again, opening your settings. A second fingerprint is set there, next to yours. – What the fuck is wrong with you?
– Don’t turn this around right now!
– That’s rich, JJ! And I’m the one who’s insane?! You’re a fucking stalker!
JJ scoffs, but it’s different now—less angry, more
 wounded. Like you just slapped him in the face instead of uncovering something deeply fucked up. He shakes his head, stepping back like he needs distance from you.
– Are you serious right now? – His voice is quieter, rougher. – After everything?
You stare at him, blood still thrumming in your ears. – After everything? JJ, you just—
– No, you don’t get it. You don’t fucking get it. – He lets out a breathless laugh, dragging his hand down his face. – I knew something was off. I knew you were pulling away. I knew you were sneaking around, lying to me—
– I’m pulling away because you’re messing around with Kie!
– I’m not! Baby, I— He’s slapping himself, pulling out his hair. – I was trying to make you jealous, okay?! I just want you to pay attention to me! But you’re either glued to your phone talking to Barry, or you’re around John B, doing everything for him, everything I want you to do for me!
– What the fuck are you talking about?! He’s my fucking brother, JJ!
– BUT HE DOESN’T DESERVE IT! – He screams, the vitriol burning against his lips like acid. – He was always horrible to you, and I was there! I was there! I wanted you!
– What are you talking about?! You’ve hated me since we were kids!
– NO! I— I wanted you to look at me. I just wanted you to—Please. Just look at me, okay? I don’t want you sneaking around with Barry or with Rafe, or whatever! I want you here! With me!
– Sneaking around—JJ, you broke into my fucking phone—
– Because you wouldn’t fucking talk to me! – His voice cracks on the last word, and it throws you for a second—because the anger is still there, but there’s something else now, something desperate. His hands are in his hair, gripping like he’s holding himself together. – Do you even hear yourself? Do you even care? Or are you just gonna act like I’m some fucking psycho and not the guy who’s been there for you? The guy who—who has wanted you since I was kid?!
Your breath catches.
JJ exhales sharply, jaw clenching like he hates himself for saying it, for letting it slip out in the middle of this.
– You were there for me. – He continues. – When your brother couldn’t be. When my dad started— When he drank. You remember that, don’t you? You took care of me. You always took care of me. John B couldn’t get that! Even if he tried, y’know, who knows, maybe he did! But he was always this golden boy! Your dad, he— He treated him like he could do no wrong— He’d never get it. But you did! You always got me!
You’re quiet. Because you remember.
You remember taking a beating for JJ the day John sent you there to give him his surfboard. You remember laying there on the floor, his dad pulling you by the hair, because you stood there while JJ ran. You remember the face he made when his dad threw you out.
How he fell apart in your arms.
How you remained there, holding him, as he bled through your clothes.
And it tears you apart.
Because the way he spoke to you before, is exactly the way his father used to speak to him.
– But yeah. Sure. I’m the stalker. I’m the crazy one. – He laughs bitterly, shaking his head. – You’re so fucking worried about me following you, but you don’t care that you’re running straight to him! – His eyes flash with something sharp, something dark. – You think he gives a shit about you? You think Rafe fucking Cameron isn’t watching your every move, waiting for you to fuck up so he can sink his claws in? Like Barry did? – He steps forward, voice lowering like he’s telling you some ugly secret.
Your heart jumps in your chest at the mention. JJ knows this is a low blow. – You don’t know anything about Barry and me.
– I know he hurt you. – He’s almost pleading. – He hurt you because you were with him, when you should’ve been with me.
– JJ—
– I did this to protect you. Let me protect you. Like you protected me.
There it is. The flip.
You feel like you might faint.
JJ exhales shakily, his fingers flexing like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands anymore. The anger is fizzling out, but what’s left is somehow worse—smaller. He looks at you, really looks at you, and suddenly it’s like all the fight drains out of him.
– I can’t keep doing this. – His voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper. He shakes his head, eyes flickering away like he’s embarrassed, like you’ve just torn him down completely. – I don’t—I don’t know how else to prove it to you. How else to make you see that I just wanted to keep you safe.
His shoulders drop. He looks exhausted.
– But you don’t believe me. You won’t ever fucking believe me, will you? – He laughs, but it’s hollow, broken. – It doesn’t matter what I do. Doesn’t matter that I would literally die for you—Jesus Christ, I would, and you don’t even fucking see it. I’d do anything for you, and you’re just standing there, looking at me like I’m a fucking monster.
You open your mouth, but nothing comes out.
– I mean—fuck, what am I supposed to do? Huh? – His voice cracks. His eyes are glassy now, but he swipes a hand over his face before anything can fall. – You want me to apologize? I will. You want me to beg? Fine. – He laughs breathlessly, shoulders shaking as he sinks down onto the curb like his body just gave up. – I’ll fucking beg.
Your stomach twists.
– Just— he exhales, hands clinging to your hips. – Can we go home? – His voice is so quiet now, so defeated. – Please. I don’t wanna fight anymore. I don’t wanna—fuck, I don’t even care. Just let me take you home. That’s all I want.
He looks up at you, and for the first time tonight, he looks fragile. Worn down. Like he’s carrying something too heavy for him, and the only thing keeping him from collapsing is you.
And God help you, part of you wants to believe him.
– JJ. – Your voice is sharp, but your hands are shaking. – This isn’t about that—this isn’t about you wanting to take me home. This is about what you did—
– I know! – he cuts in, his breath coming too fast, too uneven. His hands fist in his hair, like he’s trying to hold himself together by sheer force. – I know, okay? I fucked up, I fucking know— He stumbles over his own words, gasping, like the weight of it is physically pressing down on him. – But I can’t—
His voice breaks.
– I can’t lose you over this. Over Rafe fucking Cameron and his bullshit.
The air between you shifts. Something inside him just collapses.
– Please. – His chest is heaving, his eyes wet, his whole body trembling like he’s about to snap. – I don’t—I don’t know how to make you stay. I don’t know how to fix this. – His voice cracks again, and this time, his knees buckle.
You barely have time to react before he’s falling into you, grabbing fistfuls of your clothes, his breath hitching against your belly. His whole body is shaking.
– I’m sorry. – His words spill out in a frantic, broken rush. – I’m so fucking sorry. Please—please don’t go. Just—just let me take you home, baby, please—
His arms tighten around you, like if he holds on hard enough, he can force you to stay. And God, you shouldn’t. You should push him away, make him listen, make him answer for this.
But he’s crying.
JJ Maybank—loud, reckless, impossible JJ—is sobbing into you like a little kid, like he’s breaking apart right in front of you.
You inhale shakily, your hands hovering before you finally give in, falling before him on the ground, wrapping your arms around him, pressing your cheek against his hair.
– It’s okay, – you whisper, even though it isn’t. Even though nothing is.
But it’s all he wants to hear.
JJ exhales sharply, his whole body collapsing into yours with something like relief. – Don’t leave me.
– I won’t.
And maybe you mean it.
Maybe that’s the scariest part.
You let him fall apart against you, his body wracked with silent tremors as he clings to you like a lifeline. His breath is uneven, ragged, hot against your skin, and his fingers fist into your top, desperate, like letting go isn’t an option. He presses closer, his whole body sinking into yours, like he’s trying to disappear inside you, like that’s the only place he might be safe.
And you let him. You hold him as his shoulders shake, as he fights to keep from outright sobbing, as the weight of whatever broke him presses down so hard you swear you can feel it, too. He’s unraveling in your arms, piece by piece, like he’s been holding himself together for so long that the second you touched him, he lost the strength to keep pretending.
So you kiss the top of his head, soft but steady, and something in him shifts.
JJ exhales, a long, shuddering breath against your skin, like you’ve reached inside him and pulled all that tension from his chest. His body, wound so tightly, begins to loosen—his grip on you eases, but only enough for his hands to smooth over your back instead of clutching desperately. He leans into you now not just from pain, but from something quieter, something softer.
You feel it in the way his breathing slows, in the way the tremors start to fade as your fingers trace slow circles over his back. His arms tighten around you again, but it’s different this time—not frantic, not desperate. Just
 needing you. Needing to be here, against you, in your warmth, in this small, quiet moment where he can finally let go.
His face stays buried in the crook of your neck, and when he speaks, his voice is hoarse but steady.
– I’m sorry, – He murmurs, again and again, lips moving against your skin.
You shake your head slightly, your fingers still stroking his back. – It’s okay.
And maybe for him, it actually is. Maybe just for a moment, with your hands in his hair and his body wrapped around yours, he feels something like peace. He doesn’t let go—not yet. He holds on, reveling in the comfort you offer, pressing into you like he never wants to leave. Like you’re the first real breath of air he’s had in a long time.
You stay like that, until the silence grows too heavy and you sigh. – We should go.
JJ doesn’t argue. He pulls back slowly, blinking, his eyes still red-rimmed but calmer, softer. His fingers linger at your waist before he finally steps up, exhaling like he’s reluctant to leave the space you created for him.
The drive is quiet, with him pulling your arms tighter around him everytime he gets the chance. You don’t protest. For a moment it's almost comforting, sitting on the back of his bike, without a word being spoken between you. But the feeling sits there, in your chest, that shiver you got when you realized he’s been following you.
It's not just caution.
It's not strangeness.
It's fear. A real, tangible fear of what he did, of what he can still do. Of what he might have continued doing had you not realized it. —It curls up around your throat, that fear. Pressing against your windpipe. You almost struggle to breathe.— You remain there, arms fastened around him as he slows down, pulling the brakes just before your house, even when he finally stops.
JJ leans back into you, breathing deep, clutching your hand to his chest, his body completely relaxed against yours. You’re still wondering. Mind still running.
How long had he followed you for?
Had he been trailing you? Close behind, just out of reach, or had he stared at your location, waiting, watching you without seeing you?
You don’t know which is worse.
– John B’s with Sarah tonight. – JJ mumbles, his head thrown back against your shoulder, the ends of his hair tickling your face. – I saw him sneak out. He’s probably gonna sleep there. – You hum, not really sure of what to say. – Pope and Kie are gone too. – His thumb brushes over the back of your hand slowly, his voice growing deeper, lower. – It’s just the two of us now.
You don’t say anything.
You don’t know what to say.
JJ looks back as you throw your leg over the other side of the bike, and climb down. He still clings to your hand like he’s got you on a leash: you have to remain there as he pulls the key from the ignition, as he sets his things in the top-box, as he leans back against the seat, pulling you in for a kiss.
You meet his mouth briefly, close-lipped, his fingers interlocking with yours as he pulls you in for another, and another, and one more. – I missed this. – He whispers, eyes barely open, already leaning in again.
– It’s been two days. – You remind him, but JJ only laughs.
– Two too many.
You don’t resist when he pulls you closer. His hands find your hips, sliding beneath the waistband of your jeans, calloused fingers pressing into the small of your back like he’s trying to mold you against him. He kisses you again—deeper, messier, his breath warm and tinged with something desperate.
JJ doesn’t just want this. He needs it.
That's what you like about him. He takes like he can’t get enough. He begs, and he grasps and he clings and he needs you like he needs air to breathe.
His hands are restless, traveling up your ribs, down your waist, over your thighs, like he’s trying to make up for lost time, like touching you might steady him, might ground him. But it doesn’t. The more he touches you, the more insatiable he gets. He’s humming against your lips, sighing into your touch, a little frantic, a little unsteady.
You pull him inside, but JJ can’t seem to break the kiss. He takes your hands to the hem of his shirt, tugging impatiently, his lips dragging from your mouth to your jaw to your neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to your skin between whispered pleas.
– Touch me, – he breathes, his voice cracking like the weight of everything is still right there, lingering beneath the surface.
Your fingers slip into his hair, threading through the strands, and JJ shudders. He melts against you, knees almost buckling as he exhales a sharp, shaky breath.
– Fuck, – he mumbles, almost laughing, giddy and drunk on your touch. He’s clinging to you now, pressing his body into yours, murmuring against your lips, deeper, please, until you give in, kissing him the way he wants. The way he needs.
He moans softly, hands gripping your waist, pushing your top up just to feel your skin against his palms. He’s lost in this, lost in you, smiling against your mouth in that dazed, breathless way, like nothing else exists beyond the way your body fits against his.
Like everything is fine.
Even it isn’t, not really.
You lead him to your room, kicking the door behind you as he falls back on the bed, tearing his shirt off of him as if it were burning. He doesn’t even give you the time to think before he’s pulling you on top of him.
You try to guide him through the motions, letting his hands explore, letting him pull you closer, letting him bury his face in your neck, all while your mind is somewhere else. Detached. Floating.
Because underneath it all—beneath the heat of his mouth and the weight of his body and the way he pleads for you like you’re the only thing keeping him from falling apart—there’s that feeling.
That cold, creeping thing at the back of your mind.
That fear.
It wraps around your throat, pressing tight, squeezing, reminding you of what he did. Of how long he must have followed you, watching, waiting, just out of reach.
Of how much worse it could’ve been if you hadn’t noticed.
JJ doesn’t see it. He doesn’t feel it. He only sees you, only feels your hands, your lips, the comfort he’s so desperate to take from you.
– I missed this, – he murmurs again, voice slurring slightly, hands still moving, still searching. – Fuck, baby I missed this so much.
You swallow hard, exhaling slowly, before finally answering.
– I know.
And you let him keep touching you, let him revel in this, let him have this, because maybe if he does, he’ll calm down. Maybe if he does, you’ll feel safe again.
JJ exhales against your skin, his body completely unwound, pliant beneath your hands. – Take it off. – He groans, hands shaking against his breeches. – Take it off of me, baby. Please. I just want you to be on me. I need it. Please.
You don’t need to be told twice.
He watches, almost breathless while you strip him bare, moaning at every touch, hips bucking every time you brush against him.
That doesn’t last long though.
It isn’t enough that just your hands are on him. So he drags you onto his dick, still clothed, and he grinds himself into you, eyes rolling back.
There’s something raw about the way he touches you—like he’s savoring every inch, like he’ll be going through withdrawal unless he doesn’t hold on tight enough. His fingers dig into your sides as he pulls your hips into his, his laugh breathy, almost delirious.
– God, I fucking love this, – he mutters against your shoulder, his hands slipping beneath your top, his thumbs brushing lazy circles over your skin.
This.
Not you—this.
The warmth. The closeness. The way you let him touch you, take what he needs. – You love this too, right baby? Your hips— He moans, head thrown back when you roll your hips against his cock, the fabric of your jeans giving just the friction he needs to work himself up. – You're so fucking good at this.
You squeeze your eyes shut as he kisses up your throat, his lips tracing familiar paths, his breath hot and unsteady. He hums when you card your fingers through his hair again, pressing into your touch like he’s melting from the inside out.
He's getting wilder, humping you with this reckless abandon he never seems to shake off. But you can see him unraveling. Just the friction isn't scratching the itch.
He needs more.
– Take it off, baby. Please. Please. – he sighs, voice catching, eyes blown out. – Fuck, give it to me. Just ride me.
You hesitate. Your fingers still against the nape of his neck. The sounds he makes, strangled, anguished. Like he’s going mad.
You actually hear him whine when you lift your hips, and his hand flies down to palm himself while he watches you pull the jeans down.
He tilts his head up, catching your mouth again, dragging you deeper into him. His hands slide down, gripping the backs of your thighs, pulling you closer until he's practically in you.
But you don’t let him sink in just yet.
It's more fun when you drag it out.
When you move against him, teasing him, watching him twitch and moan and plead with nothing but the wetness, the softness, the warmth.
There’s a slow, creeping sickness curling in your stomach.
Because you’re leading this. Because you know what he needs, and you’re not quite giving it to him. Because you’re letting him press closer, letting him unravel, letting him forget—for just a little while—that anything is wrong at all.
And a part of you wants to forget too.
It feels good.
It doesn’t matter what he did, what he would do, because he needs you. He can’t get enough of you. He won't leave.
– Please. Please. – He repeats it like a mantra, writhing beneath you, clutching you so fucking tight. His hips go rogue, bucking wildly. – Please let me fuck you. I need to fuck you. Please. Fuck, I can't take this anymore!
The laughter that falls from your lips almost seems to stoke the flames.
He groans out loud when tip pushes into you, and for a second, his entire body just collapses against yours, heavy, needy.
Then his hands slip under your bra again, tugging at the fabric, his breath hot and desperate against your skin.
– Let me see you, – he murmurs, voice thick, rough. – G-Go ahead, baby. I need you to move. Please.
You pull back slightly, meeting his gaze. His pupils are blown wide, his lips kiss-swollen, his expression open in a way that makes you ache.
JJ wants you. That much is obvious.
But more than that—he wants to disappear into you.
To sink into your warmth, your touch, your body, and let it drown out whatever’s eating him alive from the inside.
Your stomach twists.
His fingers have long stopped tracing slow patterns against your ribs, now he's bruising you, nails digging in, shaking, waiting. Pleading.
You could give him what he wants. It would be easy. So, so easy.
But for the first time since this started, you wonder if you should. – And who said you deserve that, JJ?
– Huh?
– Because with the way you talked to me before, I don’t think you do. – You move, just slightly, and he folds, back arching. – I think you’re gonna have to convince me.
– Please. Baby, please.
– You think I'm pathetic. – You tsk, your hips rolling so slow his eyes flutter when they roll back. – I'm not the one who’s begging, though.
– Please! – He's screaming now, and you’re moving faster. The bed creaking beneath you. – I need it! Faster, baby. Faster!
He's splayed out, a puppet with the strings cut loose, yet he's anything but relaxed. You can feel him tensing, hands fisting the sheets so tight his knuckles have gone white.
He screams.
Almost yelping when you start going at the pace you know he likes. And it still isn't enough. He still grabs your hips, pulling you closer, and closer, again and again, banging against that soft spot within you like it's the only thing that can relieve him from this torture.
And you let him.
You ride him like a bronco, as if he’s trying to fuck you off instead of closer. As if he isn't begging for it. Screaming for it. – MORE, BABY, PLEASE!
You want more too.
At some point you lost yourself in trying to punish him, and it started to feel good. You're biting him, teeth dragging against the skin at the crook of his neck, the spot that always makes him shudder, that always makes him writhe.
Your nails have mapped half his body over.
He's red. —His face, his eyes, his lips, his scratches.— He’s gasping. Shaking. His whole body trembling, his eyes rolling back. You can’t even make sense of what he's saying anymore.
The only thing that leaves his mouth are these incoherent pleas, these oohs and aahs that make you laugh, humming to yourself as you ride into your orgasm, feeling him fall apart.
– F-uck, fuck! Don’t stop! Feels so fucking good baby, so fucking good! – He pushes it in faster, but it's still not enough. He needs more, he was going mad! Grabs you by the waist, tosses you on the bed, rutting like a wild dog, head thrown back, eyes rolling upwards. – Fuck! Fuck! Feel s-feel so fucking good!
All that was heard was your laughter, the pleased little gasps that escape your mouth as he fills you up over and over and over again, animalistic and heaving, laughing as well, but out of his mind, completely overwhelmed by the pleasure, by the building release. He crashes against you, once, twice, getting careless. But by then he couldn’t hold it in. More! More! is all you heard from him.
And then you felt it.
His body shudders all over again, still rutting like his life would end. – God. God! I need to cum— fuck! I need— I need— Keep going! Don’t fucking stop baby, don— FUCK! FUCK!
You felt him coat your walls, white, hot, and endless. By then, you were shaking as well, the waves of your own climax washing over you as you arch against him.
He collapses over you, trembling and crying as he smiles, moaning your name in that shaky, adoring voice, eyes clinging to you in utter joy as he pumped lazily, through your climax and his, he still needed more of you. – It won-won’t stop. Fuck, there’s so m-much of it. – Laughter. Yours, his.
Your mind is blank.
He's heavy, heaving, still inside you.
JJ's breathing is ragged, each exhale a shaky whisper as he remains, still there, still trembling with the aftershocks. His hands wander aimlessly across the sheets, his body warm and heavy, as though he's been consumed entirely. His eyes are half-lidded, unfocused, and a soft whimper escapes him as he reaches for your hand.
– Baby... can you...? – His voice is slurred, broken, as if he’s still caught between the pleasure and the exhaustion of it all. His hand gently tugs at your wrist, his fingers brushing against your skin. – Just... touch me. Please... softly.
There was that, too.
He was always sweeter when he was done.
You give a soft, reassuring smile, your fingers gently grazing his messy hair, pushing the strands out of his face, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, lingering for a moment before you speak in the same soft, soothing tone. – I’m here, JJ. I got you.
He hums in response, his eyes fluttering closed, a content sigh escaping his lips as you run your fingers through his hair, the action slow and comforting. – I’m... Fuck— Laughter buzzes against your skin as he presses his lips on you again. – I'm never getting used to this... I’m not used to this, – he mumbles between shaky breaths, his hand coming to rest on your arm, the weight of his touch grounding him. – Feels... too good. I need you to... keep me close. Just... just a little longer.
You hate the way your heart skips.
But you love the way he says it.
The way his voice brushes against your skin when he pleads, so softly, so sweetly. Like he could never do you harm.
You shift slightly, pulling him into your chest, the warmth of his body a constant reassurance. His hand rests over your heart, the frantic pace of his pulse now slowing, but his face is still pinched with that lingering tension, a mix of exhaustion and need for reassurance. He lets out a soft groan as you press your lips to his temple, whispering, – I’m right here. You’re okay.
His breath evens out, and as the minutes pass, you keep stroking his hair and kissing his head, each kiss lighter than the last, until his body relaxes fully, his grip on you loosens. – Love you.
You feel yourself tense up.
It’s not the first time he says it.
But it might be the first time you know he doesn’t mean it.
Still you smile down at him anyway, pressing another gentle kiss to his forehead before whispering back, – Sure you do, baby. Go to sleep, okay?
He doesn’t need much encouragement.
JJ's never been easy to tire out, but when he does, it's immediate. His ear is pressed to your chest, to your heart, and you wonder what kind of dreams he’ll be having with that soundtrack, but it doesn't take long for his breath to even out.
The house is quiet.
Completely so.
And though you're glad John wasn't there to hear it, laying there, without his snoring to lull you into even halfway into reality only means that it crashes against you like a bucket of cold water a soon as JJ is out.
The day dawns on you, as it has done several times, but still the loathing blooms in your chest and spreads through your body faster than your mind can process.
You're broke.
You're jobless.
The girl you thought was your best friend is a snake.
The boy that's sleeping on you is a stalker.
Your best prospect right now is famously the most spoiled and volatile person on the island. That, because your best friend, the person that could actually get you out of this, has faded away after abandoning you, and you have no idea if he’ll even come back.
What's funny is that this is the thought that hurts you most —Not that you're unemployed, that your now previous boss could ruin you forever, that your relationship with only family member is as unstable as your financial situation, or that the people you thought you could trust don’t care about you— that Barry is gone.
Something he has been plenty of times before.
You lie there in the stillness, the weight of JJ's body pressing against yours. The sheets feel too warm, too much, a world you can’t find a way into. JJ’s steady breathing is a lullaby of sorts, pulling you toward the edge of exhaustion, but it’s not enough to quiet the thoughts tumbling relentlessly in your head.
Barry's absence gnaws at you —You know he’s not gone forever, not really. Or at least you hope so. He’s done this before, pulled away just long enough for you to convince yourself it doesn’t matter. And yet, it hurts like it does. Like it’s different this time.
You turn your head to glance at him—JJ, still sleeping soundly, unaware. His face is soft, the usual edge to his features dulled by exhaustion, but even now, with him so vulnerable in your arms, you feel the invisible distance between you grow. He’s a comfort, but only in the way a warm blanket can make you feel safe when the storm is too loud. And it is too loud. So loud you can barely breathe through it.
Your fingers trace patterns along his skin, but it’s absent, mechanical—the world outside the room, the boy in your arms, the life that’s slipping from your fingers, and the ghost that won’t stop haunting you, and you don't even know why.
Barry.
You know, deep down, that it’s not about him being gone. It’s about the fact that, despite what JJ has just tried to convince you of, Barry actually is the one person that was there for you.
When your father went away, he celebrated with you. When he was declared missing, he comforted you, even if you said you didn't care. Even if you didn't even know you needed it.
And maybe that's the problem: He saw you better than you saw yourself. He knows you. Really knows you.
But does he now?
So much has changed in two days.
You can’t even tell yourself it was real anymore because everything you thought you knew about him, about you, is shifting—becoming something else you can’t identify.
There’s no way to put a name to it, though, is there? That dull ache you’ve learned to live with. Not quite loneliness, but not contentment, either. Just an empty space where hope used to live, and you're so used to it now that you don’t know what it would feel like to fill it.
You let your gaze fall to JJ again, watching the way his back rises and falls with the easy rhythm of sleep. Maybe this is it—this is what you have now. A boy who doesn’t even know what he’s asking for when he whispers his need into the quiet night. And you, too tired to push him away, too lost to turn to anything else. You can almost convince yourself it’s enough, and for a second, you do.
But then, Barry’s face flickers in your mind again, like a ghost.
You wonder, just for a moment, if you would’ve been able to say anything if he were here. If you would’ve told him how much you needed him to help you, how much you needed him to be here, not just physically, but with you in the way that only he ever did.
But he’s not here.
And you’re not sure when he will be again.
The buzz of your phone slices through the silence. You freeze. What's the likelihood that he would call you right then, when you needed him most?
You slide from under JJ, and he grumbles, hands reaching for you even deep into sleep, but you don’t see it. All you see is the unknown number flashing on your screen amidst the darkness, and your heart races as you bring the phone to your ear. – Bee? – The word falls from your lips almost fearfully. You don’t want to know where he's been, what he's doing, or how much of what he had to take to call you like this, in the middle of the night. But you’re impatient to hear his voice, you just want to know if he's okay. – Bee, is that you?
The line scratches softly, the familiar sound of skin whispering against the microphone echoing in-between the two phones. Your pulse thrums against your ear. – Not bee. – You finally hear. – Are, actually.
– “Are”? Barry, what are you talking about? What did you take?
– It’s not Barry, baby. – The edge of his words resounded even through the distance. Pleased, but not quite satisfied. – It’s Rafe.
You let go of a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.
– Oh, “R”. Okay I got it.
He chuckles, a long, breathy noise. His breathing is heavy. – Did you put the cry-baby to sleep or is he still up whining?
JJ turns in his sleep. His arm, still lying, lax, over your lap shifts, and he pulls himself closer, brow brushing against your thigh. – JJ is
 gone.
– Good. Thought I was gonna have to call CPS or some shit. – He scoffs, turning, in bed, you gather, since you hear the squeak of furniture.
– How considerate.
– Well, baby, I'm nothing if not considerate. – He hums. – What are you doing awake?
Regretting your life decisions, pondering the benefits of suicide. – Thinking of you. – It was meant to be a joke, but it didn’t sound like one as it slipped from your lips.
There's half a second of silence from him before you hear that laugh again, like you shocked him.
Rafe Cameron was shocked.
That's definitely a headline.
You can almost hear the smirk on his face. – I was thinking about you too, baby. What are you wearing?
You scoff, almost rolling your eyes. – Rafe.
He laughs again, even breathier. – Sorry. Was that too soon? – His bed creaks again. – You don’t seem like the kind of girl who needs a lot of foreplay.
– Hilarious.
– I was really hoping you'd give me a taste of what you’re wearing tomorrow, though.
You look down almost unconsciously. The only thing covering your skin is sweat. – Definitely not what I'm wearing right now. Unless you're hiring for a job other than personal chef.
Rafe’s quiet again. He moves around. You can hear him breathing. – Maybe I am. What kind of job are you thinking?
– Well, aren’t you the little hiring agency? Should've met you before. There’s some things on my resume I'm definitely not proud of. – He laughs with you now, though there's something strange in his tone. – Did you talk to your governess, or that other guy you said you didn't know the name of?
– Did. We'll be waiting for you.
– Well, you call and I come. – He laughs at the double-entendre, another noise escaping his lips. – What time should I be there?
– How's 10 AM sound?
– Perfect, Rafe. Thank you. Again, really. I can’t thank you enough.
– You're welcome, baby. You really are. – He groans, the bed creaking. JJ moves around again, his head on your lap, hands around your knees, and he mumbles something unintelligible. – What was that?
– Sorry, uhm. Just
 thinking out loud.
You swallow, but Rafe doesn’t miss a beat. – And what are you thinking about?
– About
 What I'm gonna wear. – Improvising was never really your forte.
Rafe hums, a long stretch of the M, then something smaller, a sound you can't quite catch. – That skirt. – He sighs. – The blue pleated one.
You pause.
– What?
– It's pretty. – Is all he says, then a groan, or a purr. The phone falls on his pillow, you can hear it scratch against his skin as he moves. But the way he says it, as if he’s seen it a thousand times in the two days you've known each other, as if he can picture you wearing it right in front of him. – Fuck, baby. You’re so pretty.
The compliment grates at your ears.
How does he know your clothes?
You think of the skirt. Your blue pleated skirt. It's been ages since you've worn it. It's way too short. You’ve outgrown it a while ago. – What else, baby?
– Hm?
– What else are you wearing for me?
His bed creaks again, over and over, and he doesn’t say anything for a minute, he just sighs.
– I, uhm. I don’t know. – What even is this conversation?
– Far as I'm concerned you don't need to wear anything. You can come— He laughs, low and unsteady, a strangled “yeah” cutting through the word. – Come as you are.
You feel a trickle of repulse run down your back. You don’t wanna talk to him anymore. You don’t want to talk at all.
– Talk to me, baby. – He groans, again.
– I, uhm. – You kick the nightstand, the noise echoing loudly around your room. – Shit, uhm. Sorry, that's my brother. I'll see you tomorrow.
You kill the line before he can say anything else.
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@chatgtfo @bitterdotcom @sassyvillaintrophy @xmayankax @bluethperson @coralblue35 @munsoncultedits @the-bitch-who-binges @im-julessssss
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ghostgirl-22 · 2 days ago
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Hiii ik you’ve heard this before but you literally write the yummiest Artrick smut!! Their dynamic is sooo good
I was thinking about Art and Patrick trying frotting for the first time? Maybe they’re dry humping and then Art’s really getting desperate and Pat suggests they do it skin-to-skin? Penny for your thoughts!!
I thank you anon! I love you and I apologize for getting to this so late <33
CW: 18+, NSFW, Patrick my little pining baby.
—-
I think it’s Patrick’s birthday some random Thursday night in January and Patrick makes Art come out with him on the day because he’s gonna celebrate with Tashi on the weekend. Art’s in a bad mood at first. He tries to pretend he isn’t but Patrick knows he’s still annoyed that Patrick has her.
“I can’t stay out late.” Art says coolly. “So if you want a real celebration with me
 maybe you shoulda went out to eat with her midweek instead.”
“You want to come out to eat with us this weekend?” Patrick smirks, rubbing his back. “Just a romantic dinner. Me, my girlfriend and my best friend. Probably the most romantic thing ever.”
“Fuck off,” Art shrugs him away. They’re going to a frat party. Art knows one of the frats has insane parties every night of the week which Patrick says is pretty impressive.
“Only reason to join that frat is if you plan to take at least five or six years to graduate from a four year program.” Art says, judgmentally. “Actually, it’s probably what you’d pledge if you went here.”
Patrick lets him be bitchy and goes to get them both drinks. As Art gets tipsy he starts to loosen up. He’s getting drunk on Jell-O shots. His lips turning red and his cheeks flushing. His eyes go all moon shaped when he’s giggly. Patrick is a little obsessed, wants to make him giggle more. They get drunk enough to dance. Both of them dancing together and then dancing with various college girls. Patrick avoiding it when one of the girls leans in to kiss him. She kisses Art instead before her friend grabs her. They both giggle with each other and run to get more shots.
Art’s looking after them dazed and so drunk
 Patrick grabs him away. They go to the dj table and request Apple Bottom Jeans for the third time and everyone cheers when it comes back on.
It’s dark and loud, strobe lights going off and Patrick realizes how drunk Art is when they’re on the sofa and he’s leaning on Patrick, nibbling at his throat. Patrick feels warm, hot even, he tangles his fingers into Art’s golden curls to keep him there. “I wanna lie down,” Art sighs in his ear after a minute. Which leads to Patrick guiding him upstairs in the frat house, the bass from the music thrumming through the house even though it’s much quieter upstairs. There’s a couple making out in the hallway. Some girls hooking up in the the bathroom tub while another girl is dozing off on the toilet seat.
Patrick finds an empty room and Art falls onto the bed. Patrick shuts the door and crawls on the bed, lying down next to him and before he realizes what’s happening Art climbs on top of him. “‘M so horny,” he groans, eyes half closed, dizzy drunk and barely aware of what he’s doing. Patrick is immediately hard. He thought he knew everything about Art but this is fucking new. Art is humping him through the fabric of their jeans, grinding, rutting, like a fucking animal in heat. Breathing hard, moaning loudly, chasing his orgasm. It’s so fucking hot.
”Oh fuck,” Patrick breathes. “Holy shit.”
“Mm wanna come Patrick, please. I need it.” Art whines.
“Fuck, mmkay. Come here
 maybe we need
 need more friction.”
”mm, yeah, please,” Art gasps.
“Yeah? Let’s
” Patrick grabs at Art’s zipper, swallowing hard. He’s had weird dreams about fucking Art for quite some time, weird wet dreams where he’s made a mess of him. So many dirty dreams this feels like deja vu.
But this is better than the dreams. Best fucking birthday ever. He’s easing it out of Art’s boxers. He’s seen it of course. When he didn’t need anything in his head to make himself cum
 just the sight of the messy blond boy on the bed across from him spilling it too quickly all over himself. Always dazed by it. It was enough to send Patrick into the stratosphere, every fucking time.
And now he’s touching it, gripping it. Swollen purplepink, and heavy. He undoes his own pants. Art’s thrusting into his fist, eager. Hips rolling.
“Skin to skin, gonna feel so good,” Patrick mumbles, it’s nonsense. He’s half out of his mind. He takes hold of his own cock, lined up along Art’s and starts fisting them both. Art on top of him, the only sound is the endless thumping of the music, the squeaking of the bed inline with their hips rocking, and the breathy moans spilling from their mouths.
“Oh fuck. Oh yes,” Art whispers. He has his eyes closed but Patrick can’t stop staring at him. Lips parted, chest heaving, face flushed, hair falling into his eyes, clothes all disheveled. He’s leaning back, palms resting on Patrick’s thighs so he can thrust his cock mindlessly up against Patrick’s. So hot Patrick might die. And then, as always, it’s taking him by surprise. Come spurting out of him, covering Patrick’s fingers, his t-shirt. He’s whining and moaning and gasping “Fuck
 oh fuck
yes
”
Patrick’s not far behind him. His fist now coated in jizz he’s gripping them both tighter, fisting them faster. Art’s making these breathless little “oh” noises, so delicious it makes Patrick shiver and then he’s seizing up, his balls tightening as he spills hot sticky strings of pearly come all over his palm, Art’s jeans and his own t-shirt.
“God it’s so fucking hot, you’re so fucking hot
.” Patrick whispers, breathlessly as Art settles sleepy onto his chest. Patrick wipes his dirty palm on the bed and ponders vaguely the poor frat boy who’s gonna be taking this blanket to the laundromat. He kisses Art’s mouth, the way he’s always wanted to, and Art sighs into it. He’s got the hiccups all of a sudden, little ones escaping between kisses which is actually kinda fucking adorable. Art rolls off of him eventually, curling up on his side. “Need to
*hiccup*
 so sleepy.” He mumbles.
Patrick sighs, looking up at the ceiling as Art starts to drift off. They’ve been drunk as fuck before, even spooned in bed together, but never like this. He’s not sure what just happened but he thinks he’ll go crazy if Art has no memory of it when he wakes up.
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httpuckdrop · 2 days ago
Text
ashes – day 116
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jack had gotten a bad hit.
sure, tackles and hits are just a part of hockey – but this one was worse than usual.
he wasn't even sure how he got himself into the situation, but during his game against the bruins, his head had been bent down far too much when he had tried to shoot off a pass along the barrier. when an opponent went in for the tackle, jack's head hit the boards in a nasty angle, and everything had gone black instantly.
the directions from the team doctors were clear: he needed to stay in a dark room, with no lights or loud sounds. he wasn't allowed to use his brain too much, since that would only worsen the concussion. no phone, no stepping outside the bedroom for at least three whole days.
thankfully, your apartment was the perfect place to keep someone who'd just gotten a concussion; the blackout curtains of your bedrooms were of the best brand, keeping the room perfectly dark during all hours of the day. that's why jack now found himself lying flat on his back on your bed, with his arms relaxing restlessly along his body, just as he had for the last 48 hours or so.
this wasn't the first time jack got a concussion. even back when he was a young player, he was too intense, too focused and too stubborn that he didn't care about the risk of injury when doing certain things on the ice, meaning that he had been forced to go through the boring process of recovering from head trauma several times. he recognized the feeling, and he hated it just as much as he had when he was still a teenager, when he was forced to stay inside while his brothers and friends could still practice. he wanted to do something, anything, but the pounding in his head limited his actions to pretty much none.
he felt helpless.
but even through the pain, there was one thing that made him smile.
you.
he was so thankful that you were there for him. he slept for most of his days, not having enough energy to stay awake for longer periods of time. but every time he woke up, you were there; reading him a book, telling him a story from your childhood, catching him up on the recent news. he was so thankful, because he thought he would have gone insane if he had to endure this all on his own.
"jack?" you asked from your side of the bed, voice hushed as it had been for the last two days. there was a small hum of an answer. "don't you want anything to eat? it's been
" you squinted, trying to make out the time from the clock on your wall. "seven hours since you had breakfast."
jack stayed silent, taking a few deep breaths before opening his eyes. "yeah, i think so."
your little nightlight, a lamp in the form of a fox in a far corner of the room, was the only source of light. jack could still make out your face clearly, probably due to the last two days of practicing his night vision. the concern on your face translated to worry on his, and then it was all just a downward spiral. you hated seeing him like this. jack was usually so energetic, so happy, so
 tireless. seeing him like this really hurt you – and suddenly, you were back in your old mindset again. the pain and the worry and the anxiety all boiled up into one big soup of guilt. for the way you've treated him, for the way you care for him, for everything that has happened these last months. you stood up from the bed, about to make your way to the kitchen to cook something for him, but you stopped at him calling out your name in that raspy voice of his. "i'm sorry." when you looked back at him with a confused look, he spoke again. "for last week, for-"
"jack, it's okay." you shook your head at him, putting on a small smile. you didn't want him to worry about this now, not when his head was already overworked. "really."
now it was his time to shake his head – or, as much of a shake he could handle without his brain exploding from the jolt of pain shooting through it whenever he moved even an inch – and his voice was firmer when he spoke again. "no, please don't interrupt me now. i want you to hear that i'm serious about how sorry i am."
your heart fluttered like never before. not once until today had a man spoken to you like this. like you were someone worth apologizing to, someone worth fighting for.
"i am so sorry about pushing and pressuring you. i never should have." he took a deep breath. "you have your reasons not to trust me and not let me in, i understand that. however," his hand reached for your side, wanting you closer. "i also hope that in time, things might change. and i hope to stick along to find out if they do, without pressuring you, no matter how long it takes."
at this point, you wanted to throw yourself into his arms, bury him in kisses and hug the life out of him. but with the memory of his concussion still in your mind, you settled for leaning down to his height and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips for the first time in weeks.
maybe things would be okay, after all.
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operationslipperypuppet · 3 days ago
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New to your blog and I'm curious and think this will probably be a good ask for you to cook on for a while: Sell me on Naddpod?
well first of all welcome! as much as i walk like a d20 blog and talk like a d20 blog i am in fact a naddpod blog a lot of the time so. look out. (everyone)
this is gonna get long.
now, to the task at hand.
naddpod.
imagine if you will that four improvisers/comedians who are very good friends combine their powers to tell stories that they want to completely sit in while also having the ultimate goal of making each other laugh.
naddpod is first and foremost a comedy podcast, there’s a reason dragon pussy comes up four and a half minutes in, there’s a reason “cumpatriots” being said in today’s episode left me completely unfazed. they want it to be silly. they enjoy it being silly.
but god do they also just simply care.
they care about their characters, they care about each other’s characters. they create a world together where when the dm (murph, most often) gives them a shocking twist, you can hear them waiting with bated breath, the same as you, for what will come next.
there are also so many deeply devastating emotional moments. “you ruined my night, brian.” is said in the show and oft repeated by the fans for a goddamn reason. you feel for the characters when bad things happen. you can’t wait to see them resolved. and they don’t feel cheap when they happen. you’re having a great time even as they have terrible times.
the worlds feel lived in. you also feel like you can see the worlds be created as you listen. it’s just so fun. there are several episodes where if i listen to them during a shit day i feel so much better.
sometimes, it’s deeply stupid. and it’s very fun. god are some bits insane. (shoutout to dip spit). but it’s just a good time.
they’re also incredible writers. the stories the dms are trying to tell come from this pure place of loving what they’re doing and being very good at it.
murph’s encounters are also some of the best in the game. even when they’re similar they don’t feel tired. he creates pictures you can see so vividly without having any visual aids. he keeps the stakes high even though he clearly wants his players to win. and they’re so endlessly creative. (c3 def has some of the best encounters due to his experience at that point but don’t discount some of the mighty c1 and c2 ones either)
in conclusion, listen to naddpod. please. you’ll have a great time. if you don’t enjoy the dragon pussy of it all, you might not love it, but if you enjoy it or can power through it, you’ll have fun.
and now. a quick rundown of like the general conceit of each (completed) campaign off the top of my head. in case you’re curious about where to start. (you can start at the beginning of any of these, in any order) and fuck it. i’m including a spotify link to every ep 1. i’m also def gonna do a bad job so. grain of salt etc etc.
bahumia (campaign 1): three legendary heroes saved the world three years ago, cumulating in their killing the devil. but then they vanished. and things have gone bad. so our adventurers attempt to figure out what happened. and how they can fix it. (100 episodes, dm’d by murph) (x)
trinyvale: sci-fi. three roommates work for a corporation on mini retrieval missions that eventually all come together to point toward one large mystery: what happened to the gods and how does it impact the world? (22 episodes, plus a few one-shots or mini arcs, dm’d by caldwell) (x)
the mavrus chronicles: five lads who are each other’s boys go on a beach vacation and one gets lost. they have to find out what happened, and find their friend, even if it means trekking across the water into the mysterious fog (7 episodes, dm’d by emily, ft. zac oyama’s guest pc from bahumia) [also has a sequel campaign, blazing babe, where they go to a burning man-esque festival and try to figure out who’s trying to ruin it. you can’t listen to that on its own. it has 4 episodes](x)
eldermourne (campaign 2): a dark fairy tale setting where those devoted to the gods continue to hold their alleged promises over people’s heads without quite explaining what it really means. and a secret order has left behind our heroes, who have no choice but to try to track them and what they’re working toward down. (41 episodes, dm’d by murph) (x) (also has a session 0)
ba2mia (campaign 3): we return to the world of campaign one, 200 years later. things have changed in the world a lot in the time in between, and it’s a much more cyber-punky place now. our heroes work for a megacorp attempting to dig itself into every major city in the world. they do their best to outrun that. and its ripples. (72 episodes, dm’d by murph) (x) (session 0ish)
twilight sanctorum: the family business is as detectives. and the business is slow. in a noir setting, a father/grandfather, son/father, and grandson/son work together to solve one single mystery: who is threatening the featured performer at the town’s most famous theater. (4 episodes. dm’d by emily) (x)
the episodes i shared will give a better early description than i did, certainly. bc they thought about them more.
anyway. long answer over. hope this helps. maybe. idk it ran away from me a little bit.
thanks for the ask!!
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neeeooon · 3 days ago
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(This request is based on Gumball's) So, my request, that BL boys were on a date, then they met one player that is quite sore loser and holding a grudge against them, so he starts to flirt with their S/O just to annoy them, at some point that player asks: What is woman like you is doing with man like him anyway? To which S/O answers by shushing him and whispering: "shh, I don't think he knows he can do better."
Boys: Kaiser, Bachira, Reo, Nagi, Isagi, Barou, Kunigami, Sae, Rin, Ness, Chigiri, Hiori
ty for the request!! đŸ€đŸ€ i hope you enjoy :)
when someone flirts with you to annoy him ;
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bf blue lock x fem!reader
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michael kaiser
-> you were at a nice restaurant with kaiser to celebrate the bastard’s win when someone on the opposing team happened to see you through the window
-> upset from losing his match, the player decided he was going to be an asshole and ruin kaiser’s night with you
-> “kaiser, my friend!” you watched your boyfriend tense at the voice and turned to see someone giving you a gross look-over. “sorry! are you on a date with this lovely lady?”
-> you rolled your eyes but he didn’t let up. “say, what’s a woman like you doing with a man like this?”
-> before kaiser has the chance to intervene, you grab the guy’s shoulder and pull him down so that your lips hover close to his ear. “shh, don’t blow this for me. i don’t think he knows he can do better.”
bachira meguru
-> you were out celebrating team blue lock’s win against japan’s u20 with your boyfriend when you ran into one of the u20 players
-> “oh, hey! it’s the guy with twinkle toes!” you glare at the way he said the nickname as an insult, but bachira laughs it off. “yep, that’s me! it was super fun passing you guys; we should play again!”
-> he wasn’t amused and turned his sights onto you, since bachira obviously wasn’t fazed. “what about you? why’s a girl like you going out with a loon like this?”
-> offended on his behalf, you step forward and keep your voice low so bachira can’t hear. “that ‘loon’ is the greatest person i’ve ever met. he doesn’t know he can do better, so leave us alone.”
-> though you kept your voice down, bachira overhears what you tell the guy to get him to leave. his hand settles on your waist once he’s gone, pulling you into a hug that surprises you
-> “meg—“ “don’t say that. don’t say i can do better. i only want you, okay?”
mikage reo
-> “woah, you’re hot!” someone calls behind you. you and reo were getting something to eat after his team won, and you weren’t expecting to run into one of his butthurt opponents. “excuse me?”
-> reo tucked a hand into your back pocket, pulling you closer to calm you down
-> it didn’t work. especially not when the guy called out, “come on, sweetheart. why are you wasting your time with a man like him?”
-> you step out of rep’s grasp and glare at the flirty opponent. “look. he hasn’t realized he can do better yet, so can you please, kindly, fuck off?”
-> he does, indeed, fuck off. pleased, you return to reo’s side and slip his hand back into your pocket
nagi seishiro
-> you managed to convince nagi to hang out with you after his win (despite his desire to lay in bed with you playing video games)
-> you were circling back to the dorms when someone shouted at nagi from across the street. “no way! you’re the guy who took that insanely cheap shot!” nagi looks around, wondering who the guy thinks he’s talking to
-> but the opponent is already crossing to your side of the road. “oh, on a date? what’s a girl like you doing with someone like this?”
-> nagi, bored, wraps a loose hand around your hip and starts to pull you away, but you step away from him and walk to the guy. “says the guy who didn’t touch the ball once. he doesn’t know he can do better, so leave us alone, would you?”
-> the guy leaves with a shrug and you return to your boyfriend’s side. “what did you tell him?” “oh, just to leave us alone.” “
 okay.” and he gives you a little kiss on the head
isagi yoichi
-> “hey! it’s the guy who screwed all our plays!” someone announces, interrupting your post-game win date with your boyfriend
-> you both roll your eyes, but isagi is the first to speak. “maybe if you played the game like you’re supposed to, i wouldn’t have had the chance.”
-> that riles the player up, because he leans over your shoulder and gestures between you and isagi with his finger. “you with this guy? what’s a stunner like you doing with someone who has such terrible manners?”
-> you give him a very sweet smile and tease, “oh, him? he gets it from me, you filthy fucker :) now if you’ll excuse us, we’re on a date, and he hasn’t realized he can do better, yet.”
barou shouei
-> you were laughing with barou, teasing him for wiping your table with sanitizing wipes (that he brought from home) when you were approached by someone you faintly recognized as a player your boyfriend just beat
-> internally groaning, you ignore the way barou glares daggers at the guy and force a smile onto your face. “can we help you?”
-> “hm? oh, sorry! are you two togerher?” “clearly,” barou grumbles. the guy seems amused. “really? but, wow, you’re gorgeous! what are you with this brute?”
-> barou moves to stand but you place a hand over his and put on the fakest, most obnoxious voice you can manage. “yeah, he must be stupid for settling for me! he can do so much better!” you fling yourself into your boyfriend’s chest and dramatically beg him not to break up with you, and when you glance back, the guy is gone
-> you smile as barou snickers. “wow. amazing performance. 10/10.” “thank you, thank you. i try.”
kunigami rensuke
-> “what’s a pretty little thing like you doing with a guy like this—“ kunigami has the guy by the collar before he can take a step closer to you
-> you stand, too. dropping him, kunigami steps aside so you can handle it yourself. you step forward and give the guy a sweet smile before whispering, “i don’t think he knows he can do better.”
-> the guy stands there, stammering for a response, when kunigami shoots him a look. he darts off after that, leaving you alone with your boyfriend
-> “you didn’t have to lie to the poor guy,” kunigami hums as he plays with your fingers, never releasing your hand for the rest of the night
itoshi sae
-> it’s not unusual for sore losers to hassle sae, but then tend to back off when the two of you are together. this guy just happened to be peristant
-> he’d been bugging you all night, trying to get a rise out of sae. you admire your boyfriend’s patience, but you had enough once the guy stepped between you and sae
-> “aw, come on, you can tell me! is he paying you or something? how does someone like that score a woman like you?” you didn’t see a point in biting your tongue any longer
-> lowering your voice, you turned away from sae and looked at the guy with a fake pout. “aw, come on. keep talking like that and he’ll realize he can do better.”
-> sae wasn’t pleased with the way you put yourself down, but after assuring him it was only to get the guy to leave, he kissed your cheek and told you he believes you. he still gets you flowers every time you look sad, though
itoshi rin
-> though rin’s team won, he didn’t make the final goal, so he wasn’t all that excited. still, you took him out to celebrate (and cheer up)
-> it was working, until you spotted someone from the opposing team still wearing their uniform and excused yourself from rin to politely ask the guy not to start any trouble
-> “you’re here with him, right?” “yes, and i’d appreciate it if you didn’t—“ “what are you doing with a guy like him? you’re cute!” sighing, you tell the guy to mind his business and not remind rin that he could do better
-> “what did you tell him?” your boyfriend asks when you return to your table. “oh, that you can do better, so he better not ruin this for me.”
-> he’s quiet. “that’s stupid.” “hm?” “it’s stupid, y/n. don’t talk about yourself like that. you’re the one who can do better, not me.”
alexis ness
-> usually the two of you would hang out with ness’s teammates after a match, but kaiser wasn’t in the mood, so the others left you and ness on your own
-> you were actually enjoying yourself! until someone from the losing team spotted you and decided to try and ruin your night
-> “oi! it’s kaiser’s little pet!” it hurt you to see your boyfriend upset at the nickname, but you were going to stay quiet until they turned their sights onto you. “you’re way too pretty for a pushover like him.”
-> “shut up! he could do so much better than me if he wanted to, so don’t put any thoughts into his head and leave us alone!”
-> they leave, but ness panics and pulls you closer by your hands. “wait, i don’t think that! i love you, only you, i don’t even want to think about being with someone else.”
chigiri hyoma
-> though he may seem like it sometimes, chigiri isn’t the soft spoken type. it’s one of your favorite things about him
-> the two of you were enjoying a date after he won his soccer match when someone from the opposing team appeared. it took him a little while to finally approach, and you rolled your eyes when he did
-> “sorry, if i may, why are you on a date with a cripple? not to brag, but i have two working legs, and—“ chigiri opened his mouth, but you beat him to it
-> “the fuck do you think you are? am i on a date with you? no. leave. i’m with my boyfriend, who hasn’t realized he can do better, so if you could—“ “oh, y/n, you don’t have to lie to the guy to get him to leave! you heard her. leave.”
hiori yo
-> “hiori! can you even celebrate this win when you spent the entire game on the bench?”
-> you’re mad. you know hiori was struggling to find his reasoning behind playing soccer when he didn’t love the game anymore, so it annoyed you to see people attack him like that
-> when he didn’t budge, the sore losers turned their attention to you. “hey, you’re not half bad! why waste your time with a bench warmer? i played the whole game, baby—“
-> “stop. i’m not interested. and could you not? i don’t want my boyfriend to know he can do better—“ “you played the whole game, yet you didn’t touch the ball once. leave us alone.”
-> once they go, hiori gives you a sad look. “you don’t have to put yourself down for my benefit. i’m lucky to have you, i don’t want anyone else.”
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notsofamousauthor · 17 hours ago
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From the (Bats) Nest
Part 1: Boys.?
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Nightwing’s signal comes on first.
Bruce grabs the keys to the Batmobile. Jason, Tim, and Damian are with him, he isn’t too worried.
The boys had all gone together on a mission that really only would’ve taken one of them. Confiscate some smuggled weapons from a boathouse.
Jason’s signal comes on next.
At least.. Bruce thought it only would’ve taken one of them. He picks up the pace a little as he gets into the Batmobile, pulling out of the cave
Tim’s signal comes on.
Bruce is pushing the speed limit.
Damian’s.
Bruce disregards the speed limit. He’s going 80 in a 25 zone.
He barely even has his cowl on properly as he all but jumps out of the Batmobile when he pulls up outside the boathouse on the harbor.
He kicks the door in, takes out a few goons, then his eyes fall on the eskrima sticks he almost stepped on.
No

He picks them up, his eyes flitting to the other side of the room, where Tim’s battle staff was on the ground with a grappling hook.
No, please

He ran over and picked those up, too. Cradling them in his arms for a moment. He glanced up at the other door in the room, he got up and quietly snuck through it.
In one corner, Bruce could see Red Hood’s guns, and every single one of Damian’s weapons.
What have these bastards done

He looked over to where the boat sat and Bruce actually honest-to-god flinched. 4 boys. The oldest probably only 16. But it wasn’t exactly their age that had shocked Bruce.
They were all wearing vigilante costumes that were definitely too big for them. Nightwing
 Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin.
“How was I supposed to know what the 10 meant?! Ten years back?! That’s insane! This is all insane!!”
Bruce glanced over at the villains as they spoke in hushed whispers. His glare narrowed.
“Insane is one way to put it, yeah.”
The idiots froze as Batman towered over them. And they were knocked out cold in an instant.
Bruce walked over to the side of the boat.
“Kids?”
Dick looked over. He was holding a tiny Damian.
“Bruce.!” Dick let out the name exasperatedly. “I don’t know what happened! I just woke up and there were-“
“Hush
”
Bruce helped the boys out of the boat, taking a wriggly toddler-ified Damian from Dick’s arms. At least one of his children still knew him.
Ten years younger. So
 Dick was 15, Jason 9, Tim 7, and Damian would be 3.
Bruce spoke into his comms
“Alfred, do me a favor and get ready to make some hot chocolate. We’re going to need it.”
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sematarygirls · 6 hours ago
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Okay but he’d fuck you so hard when they lose the Super Bowl after you spends an hour gloating about the eagles handing their asses to them!
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i saw this request and started giggling and kicking my feet omg. anon, i owe you my first born child. you are a GENIUS! (although, fair warning, i'm not great at writing smut. i hope this is okay <3) not proofread
cw: unprotected p in v, rough sex, mean rafe, slapping, degradation
Football tended to be a touchy subject between you and Rafe. Where you were a diehard Eagles fan, he wouldn't be caught dead rooting for them. After the Chiefs narrowly beat out the Eagles in the 2023 Super Bowl, Rafe wouldn't shut up for weeks about how "trash" the Eagles were. It drove you absolutely insane.
That's why, when the Eagles absolutely kicked ass this Super Bowl in a rematch against the Chiefs, beating them out at a whopping 40-22, you thought it was your well-deserved right to rub it in Rafe's face, much to his dismay.
One thing about Rafe is that gloating is only okay when he does it—much like a lot of other things (he's a very hypocritical guy), hence his growing anger when you wouldn't stop talking about how the Chiefs absolutely threw the game with all their fumbles, making jokes the whole time about how it seemed like they weren't even playing.
Another thing about Rafe? He tended to get violent when he was angry. With other people, this meant he'd kick their asses, but with you, it meant you were in for a long night of rough fucking to make him feel better and put you in your place for your "bratty attitude."
Though, if you tried to point out the hypocrisy with him finding your actions annoying when he had done the exact same two years prior, he would only get more annoyed and very, very defensive.
You'd learned at a very early stage in your relationship that some battles were not worth fighting with Rafe, and besides, you kind of liked it when he was all rough with you, manhandling and degrading you deliciously.
"Not so mouthy now, huh?" He taunted, pounding into you from behind. Each thrust pushed you forward a little bit, your face burying further into the pillows as you moaned. A sharp slap to your ass had you gasping, the pain sending a jolt of pleasure to your core that had you practically gushing around Rafe's thick length. You didn't know how long you'd been going at this with him, but he hadn't let you cum, nor had he let up the brutal pace.
"Look at you," he sneered. "Can't even think of anything to say back to me, huh? Thought you were gonna gloat all night about how the Eagles won." His words were cruel and biting, revealing the depth of his anger, which wasn't about the football game. It was more so about being challenged, his ego hurt after talking such a big game about how the Chiefs were going to dominate.
You couldn't form a coherent sentence. Your brain turned to mush as the only thing you could focus on were his rough hands on you and his length stretching your velvety walls. You could practically feel each ridge and vein of his cock as it slid back and forth, his tip nudging your cervix roughly with each pass.
"What happened to that smart mouth, huh?" He mocked. "Your dumb little brain's too desperate for cock, huh, bunny," he cooed, his tone patronizing as he continued to pound into you with rough strokes, making your back arch and eyes roll back.
He was so mean, but you loved it.
He was right. You couldn't respond to him anymore. You had lost your ability to form a single word, dumbed down to a mess of please sounds as he hit that sweet spot inside of you so perfectly. He took that as a victory, seeing it as proof that you knew your place. He loved it when you whimpered underneath him, completely at his mercy. "Look who's behaving now. You're lucky you're so pretty, honey," he continued, enjoying this little game of his. "Otherwise, I wouldn't put up with such a bratty mouth."
"Fuuuuuck," he groaned, giving your ass another sharp smack before his hands found your hips again, his grip bordering on painful. "And this fuckin' love this pussy. Fuckin' perfect, baby."
He was getting close. You could tell by the way his pace started to falter, and his words switched from degrading to praising. One hand slipped down to your clit, rubbing firm circles. Even when he was pissed, he still tried to make you cum first.
It didn't take much more effort on his part. Your thighs were already trembling, desperate for release from the moment he'd thrown you onto the bed and ripped your clothes off.
"You're gonna be a good girl now, huh? You're gonna stop being such a pain in the ass, aren't you?" He questioned, punctuating each question with a thrust. "No more running your mouth and riling me up, right?"
"Uh huh," you whined pathetically, needy and desperate to cum.
He knew he had you right where he wanted you, all pliant and begging. "Yeah, you gonna stop talking back, huh? You can be a good little bunny for me, can't you?" He cooed, his words sounding a little bit less harsh. He was enjoying having you like this, completely at his mercy.
All you could muster was a weak nod, your fingers gripping the sheets and mouth parted in ecstacy as you reached your peak, blinding pleasure overtaking your body as your walls clamped down around his cock.
"That's it, baby, just like that," he groaned, pumping a few more times before pushing deep inside you and releasing spurts of hot, sticky cum into your eager cunt.
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sturniololuvz · 3 days ago
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can you do a sturniolo sister where she is 4 and it’s a compilation of times where she is clingy to the boys
yesss! this is cuteee!
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Stuck to You – A Compilation of Clingy Y/N Moments
Sturniolos x sister
1. The Morning Koala
It was 8 a.m., and Matt groggily made his way to the kitchen, still half-asleep. But before he could even pour himself a bowl of cereal, he felt two tiny arms wrap around his leg like a vice.
“Mattyyyyy!”
Y/N clung to his leg like a koala, her little face pressed against his knee.
Matt sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Y/N, we talked about this. You can’t just grab my leg like that.”
“Yes, I can,” she mumbled sleepily, tightening her grip.
Nick walked in, raising a brow. “Bro
 you got an attachment issue on aisle one.”
Matt gestured dramatically to his leg. “Please, get her off me.”
Chris, sipping his morning juice box, grinned. “Nah, that’s your problem now.”
2. The Bathroom Breakdown
Nick had made the critical mistake of shutting the bathroom door without Y/N knowing where he went.
Big mistake.
A loud wail erupted from the other side of the door. “NICKY, WHERE ARE YOUUU?!”
Nick groaned, resting his forehead against the bathroom sink. “Y/N, I’m literally peeing. Can you chill?”
“I MISS YOU!”
“You saw me five seconds ago!”
Matt, walking by, cackled. “You gonna let her in or let her suffer?”
Nick sighed in defeat and cracked open the door. “Fine.”
Y/N immediately waddled in, plopping onto the bathroom floor with her stuffed animal. “I just wanna be with you.”
Nick shook his head. “This is insane.”
3. The Grocery Store Meltdown
Chris was pushing the cart through the grocery store while Matt and Nick walked beside him, grabbing snacks. Y/N, however, refused to walk.
“I wanna go up!” she whined, reaching for Chris.
“You’re four,” Chris sighed. “You can walk.”
“But my legs are tired!”
“Y/N, you’ve been sitting in the car for the last hour—”
Before he could finish, her eyes welled up with tears. “You don’t love me anymore?” she sniffled dramatically.
Chris let out a long sigh before hoisting her onto his hip. “You’re literally scamming me, bro.”
Y/N grinned, resting her head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Bubby.”
Matt chuckled. “She’s got you wrapped around her tiny little finger.”
Chris muttered, “Yeah, I’m aware.”
4. The “Don’t Leave” Incident
The triplets had a meeting that day, which meant Y/N had to stay home with their friend Madi ,But the second she saw them putting on their shoes, she panicked.
“NO!” she wailed, running straight into Matt’s legs. “DON’T LEAVE ME!”
“Y/N, we’ll be back soon!” Nick tried reasoning with her.
She shook her head violently, wrapping herself around Matt’s leg like a monkey. “Take me with you!”
Chris knelt down. “Bug, we’ll be home before you even notice—”
“I NOTICE EVERYTHING!” she cried dramatically.
Nick sighed. “Alright, Matt, you got this one. We’ll be in the car.”
Matt, now carrying a sobbing Y/N, groaned. “Why am I the chosen one?”
5. The Sleepover Sabotage
One night, the triplets invited a couple of friends over. Y/N was supposed to be asleep, but she had other plans.
She wobbled into the living room, rubbing her eyes. “I wanna sleep with you guys.”
Nick looked at her, amused. “Y/N, you have a whole bed.”
“But I want you,” she whined, climbing onto the couch and squeezing herself between Matt and Chris.
Chris sighed. “What are we supposed to do, kick her out?”
Matt shook his head. “Nope, she wins. She always wins.”
And just like that, the triplets’ “guys’ night” turned into “Y/N takes over.”
Again.
Final Thought:
Having a clingy little sister was exhausting, chaotic, and borderline ridiculous.
But at the end of the day? The triplets wouldn’t have it any other way.
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semisgroupie · 3 days ago
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SPONTANEOUS — venus + shouta aizawa (@twilightakiishi )
warnings: use of handcuffs, grinding, teasing, handjob, unprotected sex, use of lube, furniture gets broken
this is part of my TOYS, TOYS, and MORE TOYS event , send in a request!
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He rests his back against the headboard, only clad in his boxer shorts and he watches you with an amused grin. “You sure you don’t want to try this the other way around?” His eyes roam along your lingerie clad body as you move to straddle him and then his gaze goes to the item you have in your left hand. “I’m sure, this is going to be fun.”
He nods and bites his bottom lip as you lean in. He moves his hands up to your hips and grips the flesh tightly, earning a playful slap on his arm from you. “No touching and remember, once this is on don’t pull too much. Now put your hands up.” His cock twitches as he lifts his arms above his head and he leans in to pepper kisses along your chest as you open then clasp the handcuffs around his wrists.
He groans as you pull back and he gives a test tug to make sure they’re secure. “Now that I’m restrained, what do you have in store for me?” You don’t respond to his question as you reach into the bedside drawer and grab the small bottle of lube. He watches you closely as you pull down his boxers to reveal his half hard cock then open the cap to the lube. He bites back a hiss when you pour a generous amount onto his cock and groans when you wrap your hand around it.
You pump your hand slowly, the slick sounds slowly start to fill the room and he groans. “Fuck, baby go faster please. This is killing me.” He tugs at his handcuffs again, making the metal strain against the headboard. But despite his pleas you keep moving your hand slowly, the squelch of your hand along his cock only adds to his frustrations. He wants — no, needs to feel more.
When he agreed to being restrained with the new handcuffs he bought for you two, he should’ve known you had something up your sleeve. This has to be payback for all the times he teased and toyed with you whenever he got new toys or whenever he needed to relieve some stress.
He bucks his hips up against your hand for more and he throws his head back. “Baby, please. This is gonna drive me insane.” He tugs at the cuffs again, making the wood of your headboard creak once more and you look to see angry red marks form along his wrists. “Okay, okay I’ll give you more.” You pull your hand from his cock and watch as a bead of precum drips from the tip to join the mess of lube along his shaft.
You bite your lip as you pull your panties to the side and adjust your hips so you can line up with him throbbing cock. You move one hand down to grip the base then slowly start to sink down. When he’s about halfway inside of you, you slam your hips down. It rips a gasp out of you and a guttural moan from Shouta. He waits for you to bounce but it doesn’t happen, all you do is place your hands on his chest as you grind against him. Your clit catches against his neatly trimmed patch of black pubic hair.
He groans again and grits his teeth as all you do is grind against him like he’s a fucking pillow. A smile grows on your face as you see how annoyed he’s getting, you move a hand up to brush some of his hair from his face. “What’s wrong, Shouta? I’m giving you more, isn’t this better than my hand?” You coo condescendingly at him, it’s a tone that he’s given you time and time again when you’ve begged him to stop his teasing. He narrows his eyes at you and shakes his head, “you know what’s wrong, stop fucking teasing me.”
You laugh as you lift your hips slightly before sinking them back down to grind against him some more. “But this is so much fun, aren’t you enjoying yourself?” He continues to tug at the handcuffs and then it finally happens when he gives it a particularly hard tug. The creaking wood of the headboard finally cracks and while he’s still restrained, he is more free to do what he wants. Your eyes widen as he pushes you back down against the bed and adjusts himself between your thighs, snapping his hips into yours.
“Now let’s have some real fun.”
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