#please i am fucking begging
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
For the love of everything you hold dear vote Yes tomorrow if you're in Australia. Support the Voice to Parliament and tell Peter Dutton to get fucked.
#auspol#the voice#voice to parliament#our first nations people deserve better#we deserve to live in a world actively working to improve#this isn't a negotiation#if the voice is silenced we wont get#oh well lets look at treaty instead#this will stop indigenous support in its tracks#please i am fucking begging
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
“They finally made this theme more blatant-" Why does it need to be blatant. What's wrong with subtlety? Concepts can be underused but subtlety is not neglect.
Blaring all your concepts and themes is not good writing. It's so disruptive to a story's flow when the characters look off the screen to be like "See? This is the concept. The idea. The theme."
If you can feel the hand of the author becoming too heavy that's bad.
For example: I see people saying Azula's abuse in ATLA is more blatant in the live action and it's good because "it's being discussed more". It already was discussed at length. The show made it clear she was a victim at every turn, every behavior, every reaction, it came from a place of trauma. It was made clear that she was scared of ending up like Zuko because Zuko was an example of what would happen to her if she failed. When she says she's better than Zuko it wasn't just because she was raised to think hersef superior to him but because Zuko failed and failures get mutilated and exiled, failures are abandoned. In that final Agni Kai the music is morose and somber because this isnt some epic battle its a fucking tragedy, the burning out of "Ozai's brightest light" and Azula finally succumbing to her terror and trauma she was repressing now that her worst fears are realized. How can you see a fourteen year old girl chained to a sewer grate wailing and writhing and breathing fire desperately as unsympathetic? Even Katara and Zuko are horrified as to what has become of her.
The writers weren't looking us in the eye and saying "See? She's a victim too" when they wrote this, they weaved it in. They weaved it into her obsesison with symmetry, her extreme perfectionism, the way she talks about Ozai, the ways she calls herself a monster, her isolation from those with healthy home lives, all the ways she held herself together and ultimately all the cracks and seams that she shattered down when she fell apart. It did not need to be blatant to be clear.
#Finis Analyzes#Nihil Dreams#ATLA#avatar the last airbender#Azula#I’m so fucking sick of people saying stuff like this#Please learn media literacy I am begging you#The narrative is not going to hold your hand and play tour guide and point out everything#Stop acting like it has to#You can analyze it yourself I promise
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Ghostfire Shen Yuan loyally following the lonely, undying, forgotten Luo Binghe from the original outline.
They never even met.
Shen Yuan had died long before Luo Binghe’s story was set to start. Abandoned by his System, he was left wandering the realms, searching for anything to latch onto, anything to stave off the darkness encroaching on his consciousness whenever he stopped. He keeps himself entertained with little jokes and references that will never reach anyone. At least back home, there were other people on the opposite side of his screen reacting, seeing. Paying attention.
He never would have thought he’d miss the times he was perceived by others. He’d give anything, though. Anything.
He stumbles upon the protagonist as he’s ascending the stairs of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect for the first time. Dressed in rags and heaving with the effort, Luo Binghe is exactly as Shen Yuan had pictured: a little bun, soft and kind and so very brave.
The excitement wears off soon enough. When the tea ceremony is held, Shen Yuan watches, hopelessly trying to stop the cup from hitting Binghe’s head. He lunges at Shen Jiu; let him be identified and exorcised, at least he would have done something with himself, however useless. It doesn’t work. Of course not—nothing can come between Luo Binghe and his fate.
Shen Yuan thinks about leaving. Many times. But every time he considers the possibility of going back to wandering the world, or just passing on… Well. There’s still a lot to see, isn’t there? It will get better. It will.
Only, it doesn’t. Not really.
There’s no harem; there’s no warm comfort offered to Luo Binghe by a sympathetic beauty, no wedding celebrations, no moments of gentle companionship, however brief, however superficial. There’s no camaraderie with his demon underlings, his generals, his allies; it’s all casual cruelty and dismissals, before it’s violence and subjugation.
There’s no joy. There’s no hope. There’s no ‘better’.
Something is wrong, that’s clear. Something is wrong, and Shen Yuan has no one to blame.
This is not the Proud Immortal Demon Way he knows.
Centuries later, when Luo Binghe begs for the heavens to allow him to die, Shen Yuan hears. When Luo Binghe rages against the passage of time, alone in the wreckage of his palace, left behind by everyone he’d ever known, Shen Yuan accompanies him. When Luo Binghe lies down in the Holy Mausoleum and refuses to get up, Shen Yuan waits, as he had for centuries, until Luo Binghe opens his eyes again and takes to the road.
They end up in a hidden realm so filled with Yin energy that Shen Yuan can channel it to manipulate his form into that of his former body. It’s not detectable by the living, but it’s there. He feels stronger, too. He can walk, float, fly, interact with what few other ghosts they encounter.
Still, Luo Binghe cannot see him.
Luo Binghe doesn’t talk much. Well, that makes sense, he was never in the habit of talking to himself, but still. It’s lonely.
They end up in a town where a diviner takes one look at Luo Binghe and offers him a free reading. Shen Yuan can’t enter her tent, well-warded against foreign entities as it is, so he waits outside.
She tells Luo Binghe of the little hanger-on he’s got. A powerful one, too, though he’s still getting used to his powers. He’s been here for a long time, she says. Since he was a child. He comes from far away—farther than even the most distant star.
Luo Binghe begins talking to him. Shen Yuan isn’t sure why, but he’s not complaining!
Luo Binghe also begins meditating again, trying to soothe the damage done by Xin Mo over the centuries. For every meal, he places a few fruits or snacks across from him on a plate he’d made himself, which he eats only after finishing his own dish. He makes space by his side whenever he walks on a narrow road. He stops at every landmark and tells stories about them, always starting the same way.
“Do you remember when…” becomes Shen Yuan’s favourite phrase.
One night, Luo Binghe sighs and looks across the table. Shen Yuan places himself so that he’s in Luo Binghe’s focus.
“What is it, Binghe?”
Luo Binghe doesn’t answer him, of course. Still, it feels like a conversation, when he says:
“I wish I knew your name.”
Shen Yuan frets. He’s been trying to manipulate the physical world, but he never got the hang of it. He’d tried drawing in sand, with water, just pushing things off shelves. And yet, nothing.
“I’m sorry, I wish—” he tries, but Luo Binghe is already talking again.
“I wonder if we ever crossed paths when you were alive.” He’s expressed this thought more than once. Shen Yuan never likes to think about how they’ve missed each other, how they’d been set up for failure from the start. “I wonder if we would have been friends.”
Shen Yuan scoffs. Of course not. Him and the protagonist? No way.
But—those cold star eyes, blindly searching for him, trying to land on him… They make him want to say, I would have liked that.
He reaches a hand out to touch Luo Binghe’s forehead. He’s taken to doing it whenever Luo Binghe broods, or makes a silly joke Shen Yuan wishes he didn’t find funny. It’s soothing.
He wishes Binghe could feel it.
When his finger touches the demon mark, it blazes. Luo Binghe gasps, that heavy gaze settling on Shen Yuan’s face.
Shen Yuan startles, and jumps away.
“No! Wait!”
Shen Yuan hesitates. Luo Binghe is looking around himself, eyes begging for even a wisp of Shen Yuan’s shadow.
He can’t deny Luo Binghe this.
He can’t deny himself this.
He reaches out again. This time, he cups Luo Binghe’s cheeks. When those eyes clear of panic and widen in awe, he whispers, softly, “Shen Yuan. My name is Shen Yuan.”
Luo Binghe looks like he’s been handed a treasure so precious he’s afraid to touch it. He hesitates, raising his hands in careful starts and stops, before taking Shen Yuan’s face in them, gently caressing the soft, cold skin of his face. His eyes dance with the haste he takes in memorising Shen Yuan’s features.
Then, he smiles. Helpless and weak and so, so precious. Shen Yuan has not seen hope so bright in Luo Binghe’s face since that fateful day on Cang Qiong Mountain.
“Hello, Shen Yuan.”
#svsss#svsss fic#luo binghe#bingyuan#shen yuan#bing-xiong#lbx#i DONT know what the fuck this is#im so exhausted. i am not in the right writing mindse#but please. please ponder this with me im begging so much#ignore every spotty grammar instance. im waving the ESL flag like its a shield#luo bing-xiong PLEASE tell me ur secreta#.txt#loyal ghost au
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
I am once again fucking begging the community to stop writing everything other than identify-as identities out of the word alterhuman and now fictionfolk too
Alterhuman does not mean everyone who identifies as nonhuman on some level (oh and maybe otherhearted people too). Please for the love of all that is good and holy stop saying that. It means anyone whose identity falls outside of society’s idea of “normal human” - anyone with an identity alternative to humanity or that’s an alternative form of humanity. It includes nonhumanity, yes, but also otherheartedness, hearthomes, archetropy, plurality, daemonism, furry lifestylers, othervague folks, constelics, and so much more. Here’s the coiner’s words to prove it.
Fictionfolk does not mean anyone who identifies as a fictional character. It means anyone with an alterhuman connection to fiction of any kind. It includes fictionkin and fictives and such, yes, but also fictional hearthomes, fictionheartedness, soulbonders, fictional vaguetypes, fictional constelics, and much more. Here’s the coiner’s words to prove it.
To collapse these words down to basically be synonymous with otherkin and fictionkin is to utterly defeat their purpose. Please stop defining us out of our own communities. Please stop erasing the existence of everyone outside of “identifies as nonhuman and/or fictional”.
EDIT: boy I wish someone had told me I accidentally used the same link twice before this hit triple digit notes LMAO. Here’s the actual fictionfolk link
#otherkin#fictionkin#fictionfolk#alterhuman#Rani talks#please please please please please I am fucking begging you guys#it feels like EVERY time I see alterhuman defined lately it’s defined to be synonymous with nonhuman#no matter how many times it gets corrected#aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#and now it’s starting to happen to fictionfolk too!
860 notes
·
View notes
Text

Nobody is as excited about the preview as I am. I have paragraphs.
#very bad doodle I just need to get this out there#don’t look at it too hard I’m begging#someone please talk to me about the blood rush breakup before the world explodes#it is not that serious but I will do anything for twenty seconds of them arguing#the episode hasn’t come out but I am shaking#every time they talk I become a little more evil and fucked up#genuinely though aside from the silliness of the conversation being about sports I have some very strong feelings about the little bits we-#-got to see in the preview#like I will inevitably talk about it but just because I know people are gonna beat me to it I just want to express how excited I am#fantasy high#d20#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#thistlecaster#<- yeah fuck it why not#for my one mutual who likes them#this is for you and you only#fhjy spoilers#my art
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Hey, if you’re saying that transandrophobia isn’t real because trans men aren’t as oppressed as other trans people
And your evidence is that there aren’t as many trans men in history and that trans men don’t show up in public statistics as much
I need you to sit down, and think very very hard about why a population that consists of people who are considered to be women, property, barely not children, would not show up in statistics as trans men
#I need to study for an exam and I can’t because I am so angry#transandrophobia#wtf do you think hyper invisibility is#please i am begging#oh trans men complain that their statistics aren’t accurate but everyone else’s statistics are#what the fuck do you think hyper invisibility is#we’re still being erased in 2025
324 notes
·
View notes
Text
You get wrecked by a Heavy+Medic duo and see one of these taunts before you respawn. How do you react?
(aka: @cursed--alien and I were bullshitting about potential taunts that would kill homophobic gamer boys on sight and these shitty doodles are the result)
#gopher art#team fortress 2#heavymedic#red oktoberfest#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#please imagine. im begging you.#if something to this effect got added i would pay so fucking much money for it. i dont give a fuck#also. we were discussing the hilarity of this being some squeaker's gay awakening. he gets annihilated by a heavymedic duo#and they tauntsmooch on his killcam. and he has to re-evaluate something. ie google “am i gay quiz”#see my vision boy
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
I get that everyone wants TikTok back but do we understand how bad it is that it’s happening the way it’s happening. Like we do understand how much of a horrifically choreographed process this is to boost and benefit Trump right. Can we all take a second to pause and go “hey wow something’s been getting fucked up and fishy for days now with Trump being turned into the hero about this even by the TikTok company themselves all of a sudden”?? (more chatter in the tags re tech companies and authoritarian autocrats)
#I feel like I’m insane#and the whole country is just happy to download random apps and lose hours of our lives to companies that don’t care#and who are now getting beholden to the most dictatorial and oligarchical authoritarian government our country has had yet#like does anyone else see the changes in wording and communication and talks that the company and Trump have been making or am I genuinely#just crazy#because this whole fucking society makes me feel like I’m the only one who cares to keep my brain filled with minimum manipulation and#propaganda#THIS IS NOT BEING DONE FOR YOU#THIS IS THEATRICS#DO WE NOT GET YHAT#Like. THIS SHOULD BE A MAJOR RED FLAG#look at the way Zuckerberg and Meta have changed the way they talk#and the things they’ve preemptively done to comply and pacify in advance#and then look at what ByteDance has suddenly started saying in certain days#I am Losing My Mind#GET OUT OF THE OLIGARCHS AND AUTOCRATS POCKETS#I AM BEGGING YOU#PAY ATTENTION TO THE WORDS AND DANCES HAPPENING IN FRONT OF YOUR FACES#maybe I really am crazy#I sound like a conspiracy theorist it’s just that all of this is happening so obviously#am I the only one uncomfortable with this? for real? like#2025#politics and current events#TRUMP AND THE TECH COMPANIES ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND#THEY HAVE NO GOOD IN STORE FOR YOU#AND YOU ARE THEIR CURRENCY AND PRODUCT AND GOAL#PLEASE I BEG YOU THINK ABOUT IT#TRUMP STARTED THE BANNING PROCESS HIMSELF FOR A REASON#Zuckerberg et all are turning into cowards with specific plans for a reason#I am begging you to get out of the manipulation and get out of the line of fire
155 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whenever people ask me why ACOWAR is my favorite book in the series, I show them this

#tag yourself I’m the pommel of eris’s fine sword#eris vanserra#acowar#a court of Fuck Me Eris and PLEASE I AM BEGGING
471 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know what I really need in fanfics? More confession scenes where one person drops the confessions then runs, fast as fuck, in the other direction.
Like, obviously they’ll meet back up eventually and talk about it (which is hilarious in itself that they would have to sprint to catch up while yelling why they’re like this) , BUT THINK ABOUT IT!!! It 1) give the other person a chance to gather their thoughts so the person confessing doesn’t have to sit in anxious silence and 2) allows the confessor to get it over with quick and overcomes that anxiety over confessing. Also it’s just fucking hilarious.
Like imagine your fav paring or whatever, they get to that part where one (or both idk) realizes their feelings for the other but they’re just anxious to be vulnerable like that or they fear rejection, whatever. One of them suddenly goes, fuck it, and they turn to the other. (Maybe they’re on a sidewalk, maybe they’re in a park IDK endless possibilities here) and they go:
“ok I’m about to say something, it’s nothing bad (I hope) and I’m willing to talk about it after I say it. I’m 100% serious, this is really not a joke. But I’m going to say this and run to (relevant location). Ok? Ok…. Don’t freak out… iminlovewithyou” *Cue maniac SPRINTING as fast as humanly possible in the other direction* (Bro I’m cracking up just typing about this)
AND THEN!!! You get to chose how they react after a few stunned seconds. Do they sprint after them? Do they shout to bring their ass back over to them? Do they race like hell to beat the other at the determined location??? I don’t know, but it’s hilarious as fuck and can transition seamlessly into heartfelt feeling talk.
(Thinking about this with specific ships is funny as hell too)
Idk I think of more fics had this trope we could all have a grand ol silly time instead of accidentally speed reading through confession schemes because the stress is too much then having to go back and re-read it to fully process it, as one does. You know?
#am I about to expose myself on my ships?#yes. yes i am#hilson#this is especially funny if it’s fucking Wilson doing the confessing in the hospital hallway#ineffable husbands#homumiko#tedpendent#dreamling#johnlock#mattfoggy#stobotnik#shukita#the most randomest ships but it is what it is#i could definitely add more but we’d be here all day#fanfic#please please please writers im begging do this I’ll laugh my ass off#jk I’m adding more ships I think will be funny as I think of them#shassie#harrykim#fic ideas made specifically for me by me#lawrusso
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
im just gonna come right out and say it:
pretty much everyone in this fandom portrays Silver as this perfect, flawless, polite, beautiful, princely, romantic gentleman who can do absolutely no wrong in his life ever. which is… not really accurate at all.
he’s odd. he struggles with showing emotions and doesn’t understand social cues very well. his dorm uniform vignette is literally about how people find him strange and unapproachable due to his lack of expressiveness. in his lab coat vignette, Jamil straight up calls him weird to his face and he fully agrees without hesitation.
and in one of his voice lines, he calls Yuu strange just for wanting to hang out with him. stop and think about that for a second. he considers himself boring and doesn’t expect anyone would want to spend time with him. maybe he used to try and make friends, but people kept avoiding him, saying that he wasn’t fun to be around.
he’s not the handsome guy that everybody in the school falls for, he’s the quiet kid who doesn’t say much or has any friends outside of his own personal circle. and i think that has a lot of potential for angst.
#if u reply to my post with smth like ‘oh but he IS perfect and flawless and princely’ i will actually fucking block you#youre free to disagree with me ofc but please dont be annoying about it#read a vignette instead of an x reader i am begging you#i wrote this on zero sleep so if i seem annoyed or my wording is off thats why#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst silver#twst analysis#diasomnia#chemy’s concoctions 🧪
712 notes
·
View notes
Text
i get so irrationally sad when i read fics where bruce is shown as indifferent towards children in gotham, or worse, when children are scared of batman. like well done team, we have failed step one in batmanism.
this is the same guy who used to take less fortunate children on camping trips outside of the city for no reason at all other than the fact that he wanted to and could. or the guy who was good friends with the teens who worked at the boy's club, sponsoring their training and making time to watch them. he got shot repeatedly and ran around with arrows sticking out of him to protect a child. he runs into burning buildings to save children! penguin used homeless children to draw out batman because he knew bruce wouldn't ignore them. he used to foster children while searching for ways to reunite them with their families!
he sees himself in every child in gotham, but more importantly, he doesn't WANT to see them follow the same fate as him! he doesn't want them to grow up scared and lonely, lost and hurt — everything he does is to avoid another batman from existing! he is the beginning and the end!


Batman Kings of Fear #4
of course he can't save all of them — he's just one man — and that is quite literally his WORST FEAR, and of course that means there are going to be children who are lost and scared and alone... some moulded by his own hands.
but he tries and he will literally never stop trying, and that's still not enough — but its as close as he'll get to penance.
#like bruce has been looking out for crime alley kids since day ONE#i usually dont give a fuck about fanon mischaracterisations#but this one. this one i can not forgive.#PLEASE read good batman comics I AM BEGGING YOU. READ GOOD BATMAN COMICS#bruce wayne#saki comic talks
416 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every time Kathryn Hahn wears a suit, an angel gains its wings.


#kathryn hahn#im so fucking gay#When she's mommy but also daddy#masc women#women in suits#Queer#lesbians#i am so gay#women are beautiful#queer women#lgbtq women#actresses#actress#lgbtqia#allyship#She would fix me#please just one chance#pleaseeee#i beg#agatha harkness#agatha all along
172 notes
·
View notes
Text
there's actually no way I'm seeing ppl ship remmick and sammie......no WAY.
#I'm actually begging on my knees for yall to be normal about black people and their stories#as much as vampirism is an allegory for queerness#that's not what it was in THIS instance#and that's explained so explicitly so many times#for yall to gloss over the implications of racial subjugation and forced assimilation into white culture#that black americans and the irish were victim to#is actually extremely HEINOUS behaviour#yall pissing me tf off#remmick didn't fall in love with sammie#he wanted to steal sammie's gift for himself#nothing about that is homoerotic#and listen i am all for vampires being jot and gay and sexy but this is NAWT the story for that#be normal please#AND ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE THREE CANON RELATIONSHIPS INVOLVING BEAUTIFUL BLACK WOMEN (and hailee steinfeld)#like ik what the fuck yall are#sammie moore#remmick#sinners
80 notes
·
View notes
Text
~ a little something about you and Dazai trying to love each other a little bit less ~
It's Sakura season, and it's not being shared with someone you love. That's fine, you think to yourself as you sit on the bench, the sunset overlooks the port and you have the park to yourself. The fragile petals fall all around you, covering you in flakes of pink, like snow that won't melt. Though they will shrivel up, you think that might be worse than the instant loss of a melting snowflake. The thing about snowflakes is they melt upon warm contact but these petals won't melt at the touch of cold nor warmth, they'll lie there until their beauty fades along with what's left of their fleeting life. You stare at one in particular as it lands into your coffee cup, floating at the top instead of sinking.
That's what it was like to be in love with Osamu Dazai, and what it was like to sense his dreadful presence approaching you like the wind billows on a starless night. You ignore him, staring down at your coffee cup like it's going to save you, knowing it won't. In your peripheral vision, he looks spectral, and you catch a wave trying to get you to look up along with a familiar voice that reeks of faux friendliness.
"Are you always this avoidant when people try to greet you?"
You bite the soft flesh inside of your cheek, gripping your coffee just a bit tighter, unresponsive.
He continues, hands tucked into his coat and a smirk on his face.
"The blooms are nice today, eh? At their peak. Thought I'd stop by to enjoy them but it seems someone's already taken my favorite bench. At my favorite spot. What a shame."
After another long pause, his voice loses the playful edge and he says your name in a firm tone. This causes you to finally snap to attention, eyes wide and as fragile as those petals that shower you both. He smiles once more, but it's uglier this time, mocking. You mirror him by calling out to him right back, a hint of bitterness in your voice.
"Dazai."
He steps closer, towering over you. He always thought you looked best when you were looking up at him. It would almost sting that you're using his last name if it weren't for the fact that it sounded so good coming out of your mouth. He leans down to you just a tad bit.
"Sooo flustered..."
"I'm not flustered."
It's a joy to know he can still make you feel something, you were always wearing your heart on your sleeve, and your emotions on your precious little face. He sighs dramatically, waving his arms around.
"Mhm, sure you're not. You're lying... And it's honestly boring me to death! And I love death!"
You look away towards the port and roll your eyes, a quiet scoff escaping you along with it.
"Oh, so we're doing this."
It's almost like they're flirting, he thinks. Just like old times, maybe. It sends a thrill down his spine.
"Yes. We are."
You smile faintly, but it disappears just as fast as it materialized.
"I'll head out now and leave you to your favorite bench at your favorite spot, then."
He doesn't even allow you the chance to stand up before he shifts to stand fully in your way, imposing himself with an unreadable expression on his face that's hiding his real thoughts.
"Stay here a minute, I'd like to ask you a tiny little thing."
You tilt your head, the way you used to every time he perplexed you with some nonsense he'd spew out either to toy with you or when he'd say those three poisonous words you could never handle hearing from him.
"Dazai, I don't know if that's wise..."
He knew what you meant by that, because if you stayed like all the other times, you'd never leave. He sees the effect he has on you and he uses that to his advantage. His voice softens, something you aren't used to anymore.
"... But will you do it anyway? Stay here?"
You bite the corner of your lip and sigh... Of course you do.
"I guess... I will."
His eyes narrow and he fights back a smile at the thought of being able to stump you like this.
He's not sure where he's going with this but he's sure he'll think of something to say, he just wants to keep talking to you a little longer. He invades your personal space, and almost reaches out to place a hand on your face but decides not to, opting to keep the unbalanced dynamic going. You breathe out, unable to handle the silence, your cheeks already turning pink.
"Seems to me like you're stalling."
He observes you knowing how desperate you are to hear what he has to say, enjoying the moment of simply holding your gaze when he really should think of what the hell to ask you. He becomes dangerously close, his voice taking on a velvety approach with that lazy smile you love so much.
"Me? I'm doing nothing of the sort."
You look down at your shoes shamefully, something that would have made you so giddy to hear before now just feels like a slap to the face. Your eyes flicker to the way his hands now rest at his sides and it makes you wish they were wrapped around your neck instead. It all causes you to mumble without thinking.
"You always want to stop me from something... You keep me frozen in time."
He tilts his head, finally reaching out to take your hand but when you don't meet him halfway he settles for hooking his pinky around yours instead. He won't move it until you do first.
"Is that so bad? To be frozen by me?"
You're losing this battle, you know that because you can feel your heartbeat in your pinky when he tightens it just a little but it's enough to feel him invade you even further. He feels it too.
"I wish I thought it were..." You say, lamely.
"Why don't you, then?"
He asks quickly, amused. He squeezes your pinky harder and it's starting to cut your circulation off. You look back up with that ridiculously innocent face that always made him want to jump into the river, you didn't even know how precious you looked that way.
"You know why, Osamu."
Oh it's like a shot to the heart when you switch to his first name. How dare you. He wishes you'd say it under different circumstances because he doesn't like this one. That, plus the urge to mock you for your emotions always being so damn sincere causes his gaze to shift. It's less playful now as he stares into your eyes, his voice going low.
"... I don't think I do."
You bite the inside of your cheek again and taste blood from how hard you're holding back the urge to just. Go. But you can't and you won't. It's the same doomed story over and over again.
You murmur with pathetic longing.
"No, you never seem to."
He's figured out his question, and he figures why he's holding your pinky like he's a tourniquet and you're bleeding out, but he doesn't intend on saving you, he's not that kind of guy.
It's dark now, and the Sakura petals are slowing down their fall to death, almost afraid to interrupt the tension going on here. He nods towards you, amused.
"Please, enlighten me."
You look away, a sad smile on your face.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough for that tonight."
He knows that, and you're stupid if you don't think he knows every single little thing about you. This is all just a review. This is all just his way of making sure you haven't moved on this time for sure.
"Aww, look at you, unable to resist me.~"
He mocks you, yet moves his over hand to the small of your back to really make sure you stay here with him. You instantly regret letting your heart speak for you when you said you'd stay earlier. You frown, eyes glistening as the moon makes its presence known. The moon doesn't care to interrupt you two, but somehow it feels like it's on Dazai's side more than anything.
You shake your head, sighing.
"You're being mean. You should be home tonight and so should I."
He keeps staring into you, thinking how beautiful you look when you become so vulnerable around him. He finally releases your pinky, unable to take it anymore, and cups the side of your face instead while the other one still stays on your back. He shrugs and sighs as well, though it sounds more like an imitation of one.
"Perhaps I should be home. But I don't feel like it. Neither do I feel like letting you scurry away."
This causes you to purse your lips and knit your brows together, your patience running out from his games. He should have taken you out back and put you out of your misery ages ago, it's not too late, you think.
"Then what do you propose we do?"
"Hmm... Will you let me kiss you?" He asks as if this were the first time he's ever done it. As if he were concluding a successful first date. Your lip quivers, and he can feel you tremble.
"Why?"
"Why not?"
When you don't reply, he moves his face until his cheek is against yours and whispers into your ear.
"Are you going to say anything, silly? Or can I take this as a yes?"
You finally breathe out, the shock somewhat subsiding. You don't think twice, you're just as pathetic as you've always been. But so is he for asking.
"Kiss me."
You said yes. He gets what he wants from you, thank god. He won't tell you that just this morning he had a dream, or rather a revelation of you letting him kiss you. That he blew off his duties at the agency and visited every single place you used to frequent together until he found you here to make the prophecy come true. That this is a selfish attempt at getting not just that kiss, but your entire being. Your noses touch, and he whispers once more.
"Are you sure about that? You don't sound so sure, little thing."
You swallow hard, and your voice comes out meek and soft.
"I always am."
"Even now?"
He doesn't even wait for your reply before he's closing the distance between you, locking your lips together and sealing you against him, as if worried after all this time you'd still try to move away and leave. The kiss lasts longer than it was intended to, but eventually Dazai removes himself from you, he couldn't bear it if you did so first. You never would, you think to yourself. His gaze is genuinely soft now, his cruelty melting away like a snowflake, but you're dying in his arms like the petal.
"You've always known I'm yours, right? And you're mine?"
You want to cry when he says that, if only it truly was that mutual.
"I want it to be that way, but it seems you only kiss me when no one's around."
The empty outdoor space that envelops them, along with the waves rhythmically crashing against the port punctuates the silence that follows after. Dazai breaks the pause, something about what you just said bothering him deeply.
"If I kissed you when everyone was around, wouldn't they start to look?"
He knows that's terrible thing to say to you, but doesn't want to admit that the thought of others seeing him happy makes him feel like it's an omen, that the second he openly recognizes he's yours you won't stay his for very long. That it will all be a dream from another world. You scoff as you look away, your eyes stinging.
"Mmm... You're funny."
"I'm serious, me being in a relationship? Imagine that. I think the whole agency would be at a standstill. How scandalous."
He doesn't mean that, but he doesn't know why he can't stop pretending he doesn't have feelings and just speak the truth. Surprisingly, you crack a small smile at that, trying to find humor in the fact that you'll never figure him out.
"They'd all think you're looney, which you are."
"That's an understatement! They'd think I'm deranged for letting such a cute person take me away from my very important duties.~"
He plays along with your sarcasm, what matters is you're cooperating.
"They'd all say I'm too good for you, anyway. Especially Kunikida." You really make sure that one hurts, but all he shows is a sly grin.
"It's just better if people don't know we're together, right?"
You look away, the moon's fully illuminating you both.
"It's better not to be together at all, Osamu."
Your words actually hurt like a knife to the chest, and once he goes there, he can't stop it. You weren't supposed to make such a permanent statement. He narrows his eyes, but his voice remains soft, desperate even.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"You know what I mean, I'm not some secret you keep."
He somehow recovers and replies as smug as possible.
"I like you that way. Frozen in time, remember? The prettiest ice sculpture for me to adore for all eternity.... What else do you want me to say?"
You wince at that.
"Just say anything. Can you say it? Can you at least tell me you loved me at one point in time?"
That does it for him. You look so sad, you look so pliable and it's so attractive, but he's not looking to exploit that anymore tonight. It brings out something else. Something he can't take back.
"You do know I don't ever want anyone else, right? It was real to me then, and it's real to me now. Don't be dense."
He didn't notice the tears in your eyes before, the way they glisten thanks to the moon who's always on his side. He's stern when he speaks to you, his eyes locked on yours to make sure you get it through you stubborn little skull how devoted he has always been and always will be, even if he doesn't show it in the way you want him to.
You're irritated and enamored as you sniffle.
"And what am I supposed to do with that information, huh?"
He speaks above a whisper, you barely hear it yourself; It might as well be an auditory hallucination. His face is solemn, matching yours for once. He's not hiding anything right now.
"Keep it close to your heart and be mine..."
He clears his throat, and moves his other hand from your back to the other side of your face, fully holding you, making sure you have no escape.
"... I'm all yours, so be all mine. Okay?"
"We really are the same kind of stupid, Osamu... Now what?"
You say with a scoff that turns into a small laugh, your voice remaining bittersweet even in between sniffles.
"Now?" His voice trails off, humming as he pretends to think. There was never another outcome to this story, he was never going to say anything different. It's just the way he prophesied it. The way it's meant to be.
"Now you're going to take me home. We're going to get back to your place, and you'll reintroduce me to your very cold and lonely bed I've missed so much as I hold you forever and ever. You'll have no choice but to fall madly in love with me again, as I am with you. Done."
He drops your face and takes your hand properly now, hoping to lead you away into the night. He knows he doesn't deserve this, so he has to make it count.
He's hoping you won't find him crass and reject his request, he doesn't mean to be so blunt. He's just a desperate idiot who refuses to see another season change without you.
When Dazai says he misses intimacy with you, it's because he does. It's because he wants to tell you that this is the last time the cycle repeats itself, this is how he ends it but he needs you to want it too. You stare at him in disbelief at first, your hollow breathing now becoming shaky with each inhale. You choose to believe him, something in his face tells you he's being real for once. Besides, you already have nothing, so you can't lose anything.
"... Then lie in it again. Convince me."
You tuck a strand of his messy bangs that frame his face behind his ear, and you realize how pretty he looks this way. You never noticed he could be even more devastating than usual. You hope he'll keep letting you push it back like this.
He smiles, his voice dropping to a pleading tone at your reverent touch. At your mercy.
"Oh, I plan on it. We've made it this far. Even if it wasn't mutual anymore, it doesn't make it any less true... at least not for me. And just so you know, I did love you at one point in time, and I love you now, you fool."
You look down once again at the fallen petals at your feet already turning brown, and you realize this won't be you tonight, or ever again. You realize there is meaning in all of this and you won't be the snowflake nor the petal, you're going to be Dazai's. You squeeze his hand back, the corner of your lip curling up as you both walk away under the moonlight.
#when i tell you i was vibrsting from caffeine my hormones are all over the place from the upcoming period and ppp by beach house#was blaring in my ears i could not stop writinf what i wrote#i'm thinking it just has to be this way dazai WOULD#make it this complicated to simply try and get you back. this is all just him wanting to beg on his knees#and who am i to deny and pathetic man the pleasure of showing up into your lifr#rubs hands together this is what i was made for the angst the love thr hardship#i think it's a reflection of his fears and his deepest desires that rlly make him contradicting#and ur like. thats enough im so fucking exhausted PLEASE#but so is heeeeeee SO IS HE#ada mention alwayssss#bungou stray dogs#bro never goes to work RIP#osamu dazai#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai x you#osamu dazai x reader#bsd x reader#dazai imagines#osamu dazai fluff#dazai fluff#bungo stray dogs#dazai angst#dazai angst fluff#dazai osamu#fluff and angst#gn reader
191 notes
·
View notes
Text
every time i read a post about how, "silco kept fighting relentlessly for a free zaun because it's what fELiCiA wOuLd hAvE wAnTed," i add another name to my kill list (in minecraft).
we'll never fucking undo the damage s2 has done to his characterisation.
let people believe in things bigger than themselves without needing some secret twist reason. let people fight for something because they observed an injustice in the world and decided to fucking do something about it, without needing a personal motivation tied to a tragic dead friend/family member/lover/whatever.
it is one thing for s1 to acknowledge that, while silco was always a true believer, his trauma at vander's hands is responsible for informing his view on the need for unflinching ruthlessness; for excising weakness. but s2 is now vander-ifying silco and fandom is eating it right up; making him 'more sympathetic' by suggesting that his determination to keep fighting in the first place was in some way tied to a lost loved one. because in a liberal media framework that serves the interest of capital, it is dangerous to suggest that someone can be motivated by purely ideological reasons and still be sympathetic. can still be right to want what they want, or do what they do.
i'm gonna make Outlaw Kings & Rebellion Chic required reading for everyone, and have included more extracts under the cut, but in summary:
Violence that does not proceed from personal injury requires no such breakdown. This kind of primarily ideological violence can be directed against a perfectly functional system - functional, at least, for the perpetrator - simply because it appears the ‘just’ thing to do. No wonder, then, that in our mass media, the characters practising ideological violence are cast as morally unsound. If normality is not self-evident but a site of contention, then it problematises easy narratives of rebels vs tyrants. And if dispute over the political system is enough to justify force, then that implies violence against the modern Western state, even its violent overthrow, could be justifiable. This is understandably concerning for many writers, who tend to come from backgrounds closer to the Lannisters than the ‘smallfolk’.
If a person can commit violence simply because they believe it’s right, without any hidden ambition, then nothing stops us from acting to change the world.
Separately, there is in screenwriting a kind of uncodified rule: villains act, heroes react. The hero, according to traditional Hollywood structure, can’t fulfil their destiny until an extraordinary event drags them out of the world they know. More often than not, that event begins with the villain. Harry Potter is only the Chosen One because Lord Voldemort killed his parents. Luke Skywalker would have stayed on Tatooine dreaming of adventure, until Darth Vader’s attack on a rebel ship sends a secret message to his farm. Frodo would be safe and happy in Hobbiton if not for Sauron. Heroes rarely set out to change the world. Villains want change, and heroes run to keep up. [...] Many of these characters live with occupation, oppression, and state brutality as part of their daily lives, but they don’t turn to violent resistance until their families are directly threatened or killed. When heroes commit political violence, it must be to avenge a personal injury. This is supposed to be substantively different from political violence committed for ideological reasons, which receives a much less sympathetic treatment. [...] When we see violent characters who kill for primarily political reasons, they are often anti-heroes at best, outright villains at worst. The idea of the full circle revolution - of the secret dictator hiding in the throat of every rebel leader, waiting to leap out and betray the non-ideological hero - is utterly pervasive. It appears in videogames, where good old-fashioned all-American heroes like Jim Raynor of Starcraft or Booker DeWitt of Bioshock Infinite are betrayed by villainous revolutionaries Arcturus Mengsk and Daisy Fitzroy (and after all they’ve done for them!). It is common in films, from supervillains like Magneto and Killmonger, liberationists written as would-be conquerors, to the rebels of The Hunger Games, who vote to continue the games as soon as they’re in power, except with the children of the dethroned elite rather than the children of the poor. The same reversal is mentioned in A Song of Ice and Fire, where rebel slaves, once liberated, enslave their former masters; in the TV version, an evil fundamentalist visits the kind of cruelty on the King’s Landing nobility that they visited on others. In all these examples we see an echo of the primal fear of every oppressive class, the nightmare at the heart of modern white supremacy: what if someone did to us what we’ve done to them? Liberation is re-imagined as the world turned not so much upside-down but mirrored. [...]
Rensin attributes the hatred of the High Sparrow to his hypocrisy, but I don’t think that’s quite right. What is terrible about the High Sparrow is that he has no personal grievance. He didn’t see his father killed by the ‘good guys’, like Killmonger. His family weren’t murdered by his oppressors, like Magneto. By his own account the High Sparrow was a cobbler who became disillusioned, found religion, and now, thanks to the vagaries of a civil war among the elite, finds himself in a position to overturn the social order. The feudal system of Westeros never injured him personally. He simply came to believe it should be torn down, and acted accordingly.
We seem to find this faintly repellent. We are so used to looking for an ulterior motive that, when we can’t find one, we grow uncomfortable. If a good person can commit violence simply because they believe it’s right, without any hidden ambition, then nothing stops us from acting to change the world. [...] Violence that does not proceed from personal injury requires no such breakdown. This kind of primarily ideological violence can be directed against a perfectly functional system - functional, at least, for the perpetrator - simply because it appears the ‘just’ thing to do. No wonder, then, that in our mass media, the characters practising ideological violence are cast as morally unsound. If normality is not self-evident but a site of contention, then it problematises easy narratives of rebels vs tyrants. And if dispute over the political system is enough to justify force, then that implies violence against the modern Western state, even its violent overthrow, could be justifiable. This is understandably concerning for many writers, who tend to come from backgrounds closer to the Lannisters than the ‘smallfolk’.
#i am begging everyone to please just ignore that fucking felicia flashback#singularly the worst thing to ever happen to silco as a character except maybe the 'walk away' monologue#arcane critical#silco#arcane
113 notes
·
View notes