#please feel free to assume connections. Give this man more friends lol

[the-nelson-quinn]

Location: Oasis Status: Open @aurorabaystarter

Nelson never wanted to celebrate his birthday on his own because he just felt like that would have been a boring way to spend the day. It was why he’d messaged a few people and told them if they had the time he was going drinking and dancing for his birthday and they were more than welcome to drink on his dime. So when he saw the familiar face he smiled softly. “ what was it? the free drinks or the chance to see my shitty dancing ?”

[beavesaintmarie]

me @ the Sanditon tag right now: 

[itsclydebitches]

The Bad Batch: A Crosshair Analysis

Hello, Star Wars fandom! I have just completed watching—and loving—The Bad Batch, which you know means I now need to dump all my thoughts about the first season into the tumblr void. Specifically, thoughts on the complicated drama that is Crosshair. I have no doubt that the majority of what I’m about to say will be old news to anyone who watched the show when it came out (I’m slow...), but I’m writing it all out anyway. Largely for my own sanity enjoyment :D

I want to preface all of this by saying that the above is not an exaggeration. I love the show and I love the entire cast. My enjoyment in each of the characters is directly connected to my enjoyment of the season as a whole, which I say because I’m about to get pretty critical towards some of the characters’ choices and, to a lesser extent, the writing choices that surround those. Does this mean I secretly hate The Bad Batch? Quite the opposite. I’m invested, which is presumably just what Filoni wants. I’m just hoping that investment pays off. 

But enough of the disclaimers. Let’s start with the matter of the inhibitor chip. I’ve seen fans take some pretty hard stances on both sides: Crosshair is completely innocent because he’s definitely been under the chip’s control this whole time, no matter what he might say. Crosshair is completely guilty because he said the chip was removed a long time ago and he chose to do all this, no moral wiggle room allowed. However, the reality is that we don’t know enough to make a clear call either way. The audience, simply put, does not have all the necessary information. What we have instead is a couple of facts combined with claims that may or may not be reliable. Let’s lay them out:

Crosshair was definitely under the chip’s control at the start of the series.

He was able to resist it to a certain extent, resulting in a pressure to obey orders coupled with a primary loyalty to his squad. See: telling Hunter to follow the Empire’s commands—which includes killing kid Padawans—but not turning his team in as traitors when they did not. It’s an in-between space.

Crosshair’s chip was then amplified to an unknown extent. I’m never going to claim I’m a Star Wars aficionado—I’m a casual fan, friends. Please don’t yell at me over obscure lore lol—but within TBB’s canon, no one else is undergoing that experimentation. The effects of this are entirely unknown, which includes Crosshair’s free will, or lack thereof.

Crosshair then becomes a clear tool of the Empire, hunting down innocents, killing on a whim, the whole, evil shebang.

In “Reunion” he’s caught by the engine and suffers severe burns to his face. One leaves a scar that covers precisely the place where the chip would have been extracted.

Removing the chip leaves its own scar behind. If Crosshair’s was removed, we can’t see that scar due to the burn.

After these events Crosshair seems to mellow a bit. He does horrible things under the Empire’s orders—like shooting the senator—but is still loyal to his squad—killing his non-clone teammates to give TBB a chance, saving AZ and Omega, etc.

Crosshair claims that his chip has already been removed. However, Crosshair is arguably an unreliable source if he’s been lied to or if the chip is still there, encouraging him to manipulate the team.

Crosshair claims it was removed a long time ago, which is incredibly imprecise. As we can see from just some of the events listed above, precisely when the chip came out—if it came out—makes a huge difference.

Hunter realizes this and presses for clarification, but Crosshair dodges giving it. Again, a legitimate belief that it doesn’t matter, or evidence that he can’t say because something else is going on? We don’t know.

Hunter checks Crosshair’s head and finds the burn scar which proves… nothing. As stated above, they wouldn’t be able to see the surgery scar one way or another: its existence or its absence. It’s useless data, as Tech might say. I’ve seen a few fans claim that Hunter was also feeling for the chip with his enhanced senses, but 1. I didn’t catch any evidence of that in the scene and 2. Even if we assume Hunter did that anyway, the chips are notoriously hard to spot. Fives and AZ couldn’t find the chip at first when examining Tup. Ahsoka had to use the force to find it in Rex. TBB themselves couldn’t find it at first in Wrecker. If machinery consistently fails to find the chip on the first couple of tries—it’s meant to be a hidden implant, after all—why would we believe Hunter’s senses could pick it up instantly? Maybe he missed it, or maybe it wasn’t there at all. 

Crosshair appears to be struggling with a headache in the finale, just as he was at the beginning of the season and just like Wrecker was for the first half.

The point of listing all this out is to emphasize how ambiguous this whole situation is. I don’t want to use this post to argue one way or another about whether Crosshair’s chip is really out. I have my preferred theory (the chip’s still in, but only partially functional), but at the end of the day none of this is conclusive. The writing takes us in what I hope is deliberate circles. Crosshair says the chip is out? Crosshair is not a reliable source of information until we know if the chip is out. What other evidence is there that the chip is gone? A scar? We can’t see if there’s a scar. Hunter’s abilities? He only checked once for a canonically hard to find implant—if he actually checked at all. And why would the Empire want the chip out? Well, maybe it has to do with that push towards willing soldiers, but if that were the case, why leave Crosshair behind and have the “clones die together”? By that point he was one of the most willing, chip or not. Did they have to take it out because of the engine accident? Pure speculation. We just don’t know and THAT is the point I want to make.

Because it means the rest of the Bad Batch didn’t know either.

The core issue I have here is not whether the chip is in or out, or even how long it may have been in if it is out now. The issue is that TBB spent 99% of the first season believing that Crosshair was under the chip’s influence… and they didn’t try to do anything about that. They abandoned him. They left a man behind. Does this make them all horrible monsters? Of course not! This shit is complicated as hell, but I do think they made a very large mistake and that Crosshair has every right to be furious about it.

“But, Clyde, they couldn’t have gone back. It was too dangerous! Hunter had a duty to his whole team, not just Crosshair.” True enough and I’d buy this argument 100% if Hunter hadn’t spent the entire season throwing his team into dangerous, seemingly impossible situations to save other people. Crosshair became the exception, not a hard rule of something they had to avoid. They went back to Kamino for Omega, a kid they’d only had one lunch with, despite knowing how dangerous the Empire was. They went into the heart of an occupied planet to rescue not just a stranger, but one belonging to the Separatist government. They helped Sid when she asked and there was plenty of compassion for the criminal trying to take her place. Most significantly, there wasn’t the slightest hesitation to go rescue Hunter when he was under the Empire’s control, in precisely the same place. Every explanation I’ve seen fans come up with—Kamino is too fortified, they don’t know where Crosshair is, they can’t risk Omega being captured, etc.—also holds true for Hunter, yet there wasn’t a second of doubt about needing to at least try to help him. And his rescue was arguably far more dangerous given that TBB knew they were walking into a trap. Going after Crosshair would have at least had some element of surprise.

I think the problem with these justifications is most easily seen in “Rescue on Ryloth” and, later, “War-Mantle.” In the former, we do watch Hunter decide that going on a rescue mission is too much of a risk, only for Omega to talk him into considering it.

Hunter: “It’s a big galaxy. We can’t put ourselves on the line every time someone’s in trouble.”

Omega: “Why not? Isn’t that what soldiers do?”

Hunter: “It’s not worth the risk.”

Omega: “She’s trying to save her family, Hunter. I’d do the same for you.”

The arguments that sway him are ‘Soldiers should help people’ and ‘Soldiers should specifically help their family.’ So… what does that say about their feelings for Crosshair? They’re willing to put themselves on the line for the parents of a girl they met once at a drop site, but not their own brother? That’s the message the writing sends. “But, Clyde, the difference is that they had an advantage here. Hera’s knowledge of her home planet tipped the odds in their favor.” Yeah… and Crosshair is stationed on TBB’s home planet. Even more than them collectively having the same knowledge that Hera does, “Return to Kamino” reveals that Omega always had additional, insider knowledge of the base: she has access to a secret landing pad and the tunnels leading up into the city. That knowledge was given and used the second Hunter’s freedom was on the line, but it never once came up to use for Crosshair’s benefit. 

“War-Mantle’s” mission puts this problem in even sharper relief. Another claim I’ve seen a lot is that TBB only took risky rescue missions because they needed to be paid. The guys have got to eat after all. Yet Tech makes it clear that going after Gregor will lose them money. They’re meant to be on a mission for Sid and deviating for that won’t result in a payment. He explicitly says that if they decide to do this, they won’t eat. They do it anyway. No money, no intel, a huge risk “on a clone we don’t even know.” But that’s not what’s important, the show says. All that matters is that a brother is in trouble. This time it’s Echo pushing that message instead of Omega. When Hunter realizes that they’re about to try and infiltrate an entire facility and they don’t even know if this clone is still alive, Echo points out that they took that risk once before: for him. “If there’s a chance that trooper is being held against his will, we have to try and get him out.”

Yes! Exactly right! So why doesn’t that apply to Crosshair?

“Because he tried to kill them, Clyde!” No, that’s the easy, dismissive answer. A chipped Crosshair tried to kill them. AKA, a Crosshair entirely under the Empire’s control. The only difference between his enslavement and Gregor’s is that Gregor’s chains were physical while Crosshair’s were mental. And again, the point of everything at the start of this post is to show that no one knows when or even if that chip was removed. TBB definitely didn’t have any reason to suspect that Crosshair was working under his own power until Crosshair himself said as much. We might have been able to make that case at the start of the season, but “Battle Scars” removes any possible confusion. The entire team watched Rex reach for his blaster when he learned their chips were still in. The entire team watched Wrecker become a totally different person and attack them, just like Crosshair did. The entire team forgave him instantly and had their own chips removed. So why in the world didn’t anyone go, “Wow, Crosshair has a chip too. He was no more responsible for attacking us than Wrecker was. We need to try to get him out, no matter how hard that might be, just like we had to try for all these other people we’ve helped.”

But they didn’t. No one even considered rescuing Crosshair. They only went back for Hunter and, when they realized Crosshair was there too, they didn’t change their plans to try and rescue him as well. He’s treated as a particularly threatening inconvenience, not another team member in need of their help.

The problem I have with how this all went down is that the team treated Crosshair like an enemy despite all evidence to the contrary. Despite Omega outright saying that this isn’t his fault, it’s the chip, the group seems to decide that he’s gone crazy or something and that there’s nothing they can do. “It’s fine,” I thought. “They don’t really get what the chip is like yet. They don’t understand how thoroughly it controls someone.” But then “Battle Scars” arrives and Wrecker is treated with such compassion (which he deserves!) only for the group to continue acting like Crosshair is somehow different. It’s easy to say, “But Crosshair shot Wrecker” and ignore the easy pushback of, “and Wrecker nearly shot Omega.” Up until Crosshair’s own accusations and Omega’s ignored comments, TBB’s understanding of the chip’s influence and the lack of responsibility that accompanies mysteriously disappears when the show’s antagonist becomes the subject of conversation. This is seen most clearly in how Hunter tries to frame things during his talk with Crosshair:

“You tried to kill us. We didn’t have a choice.”

“Can’t you see that they’re using you? It’s that inhibitor chip in your head.”

“You really don’t get who we are, do you?”

Hunter mentions the chip, but he acts as if it’s Crosshair’s responsibility to overcome it: “Can’t you see…” Of course he can’t see, that’s the entire point of the chip, the thing he currently believes Crosshair still has stuck in his head. But Hunter and the others—with Omega as a wonderful exception—never seem to have accepted this like they did for Wrecker. When Crosshair “tried to kill us” it’s seen as a deliberate act that he chose, not something forced on him like with Wrecker. When Hunter talks about their ethics, he subconsciously separates the team from Crosshair: “You really don’t get who we are, do you?”, revealing a pretty ingrained divide between them. Even Wrecker gets in on the action, the one brother who truly understands how much the chip controls someone: “All that time, you didn’t even try to come back.” What part of he couldn’t try is not hitting home here? Again, for the purposes of this conversation it doesn’t matter whether Crosshair was chipped this whole time or not. The point is that TBB believed he was chipped… and yet still expected him to somehow, magically overcome that programming, writing him off when he failed to do that. He’s consistently held responsible for actions that they were told (and, through Wrecker, saw) were completely outside of his control. Even when we factor in his claim that the chip was removed, TBB has ignored all the evidence I listed at the start. No one, not even Omega, challenges this super vague and strange claim, or seeks out proof because they don’t want to believe that their brother could willingly do this. There’s just this... acceptance that of course Crosshair went bad. Why? Because he was an asshole sometimes? Taking it all as written, it doesn’t feel like the batch considered him a true part of the team. Certainly not like Wrecker or Hunter. As shown, the batch will go out of their way, risk anything, forgive anything, for them. They have a level of faith that was never shown to Crosshair. 

“Severe and unyielding,” Tech says and he’s absolutely right, but I’d seriously challenge this idea that any of the others would have automatically done better if the situations were reversed. It stood out to me that each batch member has a moment of doubt throughout the series, a brief glimpse into how they think the Empire isn’t that bad, at least when it comes to this particular thing. Basically, a moment that could lead to a very dangerous line of thinking without others to stomp it down. Wrecker announces that he’s happy working for whoever, provided they give him food and let him blow things up. Tech finds the chain codes to be an ingenious strategy and is clearly fascinated with their development. Hunter initially wants Omega to stay on Kamino, despite knowing that this Empire has already, systematically killed an entire group of people: the Jedi. Doesn’t matter. She’s still (supposedly) safer there than she would be running with the likes of them.

There’s absolutely no doubt that those three made the correct choice in defying the Empire, but I believe that their ability to make that choice is largely dependent on them having each other. They survive together, not apart, and it’s their unity that allows them to make the really hard calls, like setting out on their own and opposing such a formidable force. But if Tech’s chip had activated and he’d been left behind, would he have muscled through to escape somehow...or would he have gotten caught up in all the new technology the Empire offered him, succumbing to both his chip and the inevitability that if his squad no longer wanted him, why not stay? Would Wrecker have escaped, or been easily manipulated into a new life of exploding things? Would Hunter have been able to push through without his brothers, or would he have become devoted to a new team to lead? Obviously there’s no way to ever know, but it’s always easier to make the right decisions when you have support in doing so. Crosshair had no support. His team left him and yes, they had to in that specific moment, but the point is that they never came back. As far as we saw throughout the season, they never planned to come back. They all talk about loving the Crosshair who existed when life was easier, but they weren’t willing to fight for the Crosshair that most needed their help. When he says “You weren’t loyal to me,” he’s absolutely right. The same episode, “Return to Kamino,” gives Omega two powerful lines that the group rallies behind:

Omega: “[The danger] doesn’t matter. Saving Hunter is what matters.”

AZ: “You must leave.”

Omega: “Not without Hunter.”

The key word there is “Hunter.” Danger, stakes, risk, probability… none of that matters when Hunter needs help. Crosshair did not receive that same level of devotion.

Which creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. The group is upset that Crosshair isn’t rejoining them, but they fail to realize that he has no reason to trust them anymore. He’s not joining the Empire because he’s inherently evil and that’s that, end of discussion. He’s joining it because above all Crosshair wants a place to belong… and TBB has made it clear—unintentionally—that he does not belong with them. The horrible actions that Crosshair took under his own free will (theoretically) came after he realized that doing bad things while under the Empire’s control was, apparently, unforgivable. If it wasn’t, his team would have come back to rescue him. They could have at least tried. But they didn’t, so Crosshair is left with the conclusion that either what he did under the Empire’s control is something the group can’t forgive him for, or they can forgive that (like with Wrecker) and he’s the problem here. He’s the one not worth that effort.

“The Empire will be fazing out clones next,” Hunter says. To which Crosshair responds, “Not the ones that matter.”

He wants to matter to someone and events show he no longer matters to his brothers. So why not stay with the Empire? I mean, we as the audience ABSOLUTELY know why not. Self-doubt and feelings of isolation aren’t excuses for joining the Super Evil Organization. Crosshair, if he is under his own control, is still 100% in the wrong for supporting them, no matter his reasons. So it’s not an excuse, but rather an explanation of that very human, flawed, fallible thinking. He needs to be useful. He needs to be wanted. Crosshair is an absolute dick to the regs and I have no doubt that a lot of that stems from the harassment TBB has experienced from them (with a side of his inflated ego), but I’d bet it’s also due to Crosshair’s intense desire to be valuable to someone. He keeps pointing out the regs’ supposed deficiencies because it highlights his own usefulness. When Crosshair fails to find Hera, the Admiral says that soon he’ll get someone who can, looking straight at Howzer at the door. It makes Crosshair seethe because his entire identity is based on being useful, yet no one seems to need him anymore. TBB seems to no longer want him. The Empire no longer wants clones. Now even regs are considered a better option than him, the “superior” soldier. Everywhere Crosshair turns he’s getting the message that he’s not wanted, but he’ll keep fighting to at least be needed in some capacity, no matter how small. Even if that means overlooking all the horrors the Empire commits.

“All you’ll ever be to [the Empire] is a number,” Hunter says and he’s absolutely right. But to TBB recently, Crosshair hasn’t even been that. He’s been nothing. Nobody worth coming back for. To his mind, at least being a number is something.

I hope that all of this resolves itself into a conclusion that is kind to each side (preferably without a Vader-style death redemption), especially given the still ambiguous state of the chip, but from a writing standpoint I’m admittedly a bit wary. We’re obviously meant to believe that the batch all love each other, but as established throughout this entirely too long post, this season did a terrible job imo of proving that they love Crosshair. Or, at least, proving that they love him as much as the others. If this was really meant to be just a matter of miscommunication, with Crosshair making terrible life choices because he only thinks he was abandoned, then we as the audience would have seen the batch trying and failing to get him out. Or at least establishing a very good reason why they couldn’t take that risk, hopefully with entirely different side-missions so the audience isn’t constantly going, “So you can risk everything for Gregor... but not Crosshair?” I’m VERY glad that Crosshair was allowed to air his grievances to the extent he did, but the end result of that—Hunter continually denying this, Omega walking away from him in their rooms, neither Tech nor Wrecker actually sticking up for him and acknowledging the chip’s influence during at least some of all this—is making things feel rather one-sided. It’s like we’re meant to take Crosshair at his word and accept that he’s this garden-variety antagonist who joins the Empire because yay being on the winning side… despite all these complications that clearly have a huge impact on how we read the situation. It doesn’t help that the show has already embraced an inconsistent manner of portraying chipped-clones. We know every clone has one, we know only a couple clones are aware of the chip’s existence (and can thus try to get it out), we know they enter a “Good soldiers follow orders” mindlessness once activated… yet towards the end we see a lot of side character clones thinking for themselves. Howzer decides that he’s no longer loyal to the Empire, giving a speech where a couple other clones throw down their weapons too. Gregor was arrested because he likewise realized how wrong this all was. But how is that possible? Do the chips completely control the clones, or not? Are these clones somehow exceptions? Are the chips beginning to fail? All of that has a bearing on how we read Crosshair—what were his own decisions, how much he was capable of overcoming the chip, whether that changed at all during certain points—but right now that remains really unclear.

It’s details like that which make me wonder if all these other questions will be answered. Will the story resolve all those ambiguous moments surrounding the chip, or brush them off with the belief that we should have just taken Crosshair at his equally ambiguous word? Will the story acknowledge Crosshair’s points through someone other than Crosshair, allowing it to exist as a legitimate criticism, rather than the presumed excuses of an antagonist? I’m… not sure. On the whole I’m very happy with TBB’s writing—despite what all this might imply lol. Until my brain picks over the season and discovers something else, my only other gripe is not allowing Omega to form a solid bond with Tech and Echo, instead putting all the focus on big brother!Wrecker and dad!Hunter. I think it’s a solid show that does a lot right, but I’m worried that, unless there’s a brilliant answer to all these questions and an intent to unpack both sides of the Hunter vs. Crosshair debate with respect—not just falling back on, “Well, Crosshair is with the Empire so everything he says is automatically bad and wrong” take—we’ve just gotten the setup for a somewhat messy, ethical story. For anyone here who also reads my RWBY metas, I’m pretty sure you’re not at all surprised that I’m invested in going, “Hey, you had one of the heroes suddenly become/join a dictatorship and do a lot of horrific things, but within a pretty complicated context. Can we please work through that carefully and with an acknowledgement of the nuance here, rather than throwing the ‘evil’ character to the proverbial wolves?”  

God knows TBB is leagues ahead of RWBY, but I hope things continue on in not just a good direction, but one that tackles the aspects of this situation that many fans—and Crosshair—have already pointed out. As much as I adore the cast—and I really, really do—it was discomforting to watch a found family show where 4/5th of that family so completely wrote off one of the members and crucially have, at least so far, refused to acknowledge that. I want complicated, flawed characters, but that’s only compelling when the storytelling admits to and grapples with those flaws. We have quite firmly established Crosshair’s flaws in Season One. I hope Season Two delves into the rest of the team’s too.

Aaaand with that meta-dump out of my system, I’m off to write TBB fic. Thanks for reading! :D

[frenchbreads-writing]

Enji’s Gratitiude {Endeavor | Enji Todoroki}

Anonymous: Hi, I was wondering if you'd be fine with doing an Endeavor x Male Reader where the reader is already engaged to Enji, but not many people know? Shouto is cool with him and greets him when he comes to be a guest teacher/sub for Class 1-A. I'm bad at explaining lol.

Hi everyone! I’m so sorry that it’s been over an entire MONTH since I last posted. I’ve been struggling finding motivation to write and with my classes starting online I have less free time which sucks ass.

So here’s one of my requests I feel like I deviated from the original idea?? Idk but anyways

I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Endeavor x Male reader

Words: 2.1k (2,112 )

Warning(s): None

Requests: 3/5 slots

(Y/H/N)= Your hero name

Masterlist

Rules

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since the incident at Camino, it was normal to see a different teacher during All Mights Foundational Hero Studies class. But the class never had the same substitute twice.

Mostly because the teachers were active pro heroes that had to do their jobs.

You were one of these substitutes today.

You were walking down the hallway to the teachers’ lounge after kissing Enji goodbye at the gate said man has been working late for a while now it was.. concerning, to say the least.

You were thinking of ways to help Enji when you spotted Shouto walking to class.

You rushed over to him and slung your arm around his shoulder.

“Hey, kiddo!”

He stiffened before relaxing when he realized it was you.

“Hello, (Y/N) good morning.”

You rolled your eyes ‘Always so serious’

“How’s life been treating you lately?”

You hugged him closer to you as you pulled him along the hallway.

“I’ve needed help with homework lately and my b-friend Midoriya has been helping me.”

A splash of pink appeared on his cheeks.

“So I guess other than that it’s been fine. How about you?”

You noticed his slip up but didn’t comment on it. He’ll tell you about it when he’s ready.

“It’s been fine but your father has been hounding me about being ‘more professional’ in his agency.”

“I don’t want to act all buddy-buddy with some stuck up interns.”

You sighed.

“But I guess it’s still kind of my job.”

You saw the teachers’ lounge coming up ahead so you pulled away from Shouto.

“This is my stop you should get going to class.”

Shouto nodded as he waved goodbye.

Walking through the door you were immediately wrapped up in cloth.

“You’re late.”

You looked up to meet a pair of tired eyes staring back at you.

“Sorry about that Shouta, I got held up on the way here.”

He sighed as he unraveled the cloth and handed you a folder.

“Here’s your lesson plan and I also assume you memorized the student roster?”

You nodded and grabbed the folder but couldn’t take it from his grasp.

“Dude I can’t study the lesson if you don’t give it to me.”

“I forgot to mention something.”

You looked at him expectantly.

“The bell rings in 5 minutes.”

You paused processing what he said.

“W-what?!”

“If you run you could probably make it in time.”

you cursed and immediately bolted out of the room.

Present Mic leaned over to Aizawa.

“Wait, class doesn’t start for another 20 minutes.”

A grin spread on Aizawa’s face.

“I know.”

You had just made it to the door when you felt your phone vibrate. Pulling it out revealed that you received a message from Enji telling you to pick up some stuff from the market before heading home. But what caught your eye was the time.

15 minutes left until the bell.

You groaned and bumped your head on the door. You had to meet the students anyway and you were already there so you might as well do it now.

Stepping into the room all of the talking ceased and the students’ eyes were on you.

“Hello, I’m (Y/H/N) I’m going to be your Foundational Hero Studies substitute for this week. If any of you have any questions for me don’t hesitate to ask I won’t bite… Much.”

Several students shouted their questions at once.

“Woah! Calm down you guys one at a time please!”

But it seemed that your plea fell on deaf ears.

Iida jumped from his seat to the front of the class arms up frantically chopping the air.

“Everyone settle down the teacher is trying to gain your attention!”

That did the trick now they’re back to looking at you.

“Thank you, Iida.”

He nodded and went back to his seat.

“Now you can ask me a few questions but please raise your hands first and I’ll choose one of you.”

The class was quiet for a moment before several hands were raised.

You pointed towards the blonde with a black lightning bolt printed in his hair.

“Where are you from?”

“Tokyo, it’s really nice there.”

A girl with pink skin and horns jumped up.

“What do you like to do for a hobby?”

“I like to cook, spicy pork dumplings are my favorite.”

Shouto raised his hand, what could he possibly want to know?

You pointed to him.

“Can you make cold soba for dinner tonight?”

You hummed.

“You got it, oh and also, your dad asked me to pick up some stuff from the store on the way home do you want to come?”

He nodded.

The rest of the class was in confused silence.

“Wait, are you.. dating his dad?!”

Kaminari yelled.

“No actually, he’s my husband.”

The class erupted into shouting.

“How long have you and Todoroki’s dad been married!?”

You thought for a moment.

“Our 1 year anniversary was about a month ago.”

Everyone looked at Shouto and he nodded.

And once again the class began shouting.

You sighed, this was going to be a long week.

You groaned as you pushed the front door to your home closed it with your foot, slipping off your shoes at the door and walking into the kitchen placing the groceries on the counter.

You went into your room and slipped off your hero suit replacing it with comfortable baggy clothes.

Shouto had changed his mind about going shopping to stay after school with Midoriya so you had gone shopping alone. He promised to be there by the time dinner was ready and nighttime patrol was more troublesome than usual.

“I can handle dinner.”

Hearing Fuyumi’s voice caused you to turn and face her.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded

“Dad’s in his office.”

You thanked her and walked past her.

Knocking on the office door you waited until you heard a gruff “Come in.” Before quietly sliding the door open.

You were met with Enji slumped over his desk writing away on what must be reports from his hero agency.

You simply watched him from the doorway before walking up behind him and wrapping your arms gently around his neck placing a soft kiss on the base of his skull.

He stopped his writing to sigh and lean into your touch.

Enji pulled away to spin his chair around.

Now that you were able to see his face he had dark circles beginning to form underneath his eyes. He had always worked hard but now that All Might has officially retired and he is now the number 1 hero he’s been pushing himself even harder so he can fill the space All Might left.

You placed a hand on his cheek, caressing the scar that marked the left side of his face. He leaned into your hand placing his hands your waist gently pulling you onto his lap.

Leaning forward you pressed soft kisses on his scar slowly moving lower kissing the corner of his mouth before pressing a deep gentle kiss on his lips.

Enji sighed through his nose as he pulled you closer.

You pulled away from the kiss and placed your hands on his shoulders.

“You should take a break, Fuyumi and I will make dinner and Shouto will be here in a while.”

You were about to stand up when he pulled you closer burying his face into your chest breaths uneven and hands shaky.

“Just, a few more moments.. please?”

You didn’t answer, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and holding him tight.

He may have been a brave, strong hero. But even he needed comfort.

You hugged him until his breathing came out slow and even and his hold around your waist loosened.

“Thank you, (Y/N)”

He looked up at you and you met his gaze.

You smiled and patted his cheek.

“I’m always here if you need me, now.”

You pulled away from him.

“I need to help Fuyumi with dinner. Go rest I’ll come get you when we’re done.”

Enji watched your form retreated through the door and sighed.

He stood up and made his way to yours and his shared room and laid down sinking into the soft mattress.

His gaze drifted to a framed picture resting on the nightstand.

You had smirked with your middle finger up while Enji simply glared at the camera.

That was the first real picture you had taken together that wasn’t an awkward angled photo taken by the paparazzi.

‘I don’t deserve him.’

He thought to himself.

He closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

You had just finished dinner when you decided to check on Enji.

He was out like a light on the bed.

You smiled and sat next to him on the edge of the bed.

You ran your fingers through his hair massaging as you went.

You wished he didn’t push himself so hard but he was a stubborn man but then again you were just as stubborn when you’re passionate about something you care about.

And right now, you just want to help Enji as much as you could.

You stared as his features before gently shaking him awake.

He groaned and peeled his eyes open.

“Dinner’s ready, Shouto and Fuyumi are waiting for us at the table.”

He nodded and moved to stand up.

The two of you made your way to the dining table Where Shouto and Fuyumi were quietly chatting and sat down.

You immediately joined them in conversation while Enji quietly began eating.

Having dinner alone with his children always lead to silence and a tense atmosphere but with you there, you bridged the gap between them allowing them to connect. Even just a little.

No one mentioned it but they were all grateful.

You were the reason their relationship has been improving slowly but surely.

The only one who has been reluctant to repair the relationship had been Natsuo.

But you made it clear that he didn’t have to forgive his father if he didn’t want to. You merely encouraged him to be civil and recognize the change Enji had gone through.

And when he inevitably started crying from frustration and anger. You held him even when he began sobbing out loud saying how much he hated him.

You simply told him that’s fine and it’s his choice to do what he wanted.

Since then you and Natsuo talked over the phone sometimes and when he visits he sits near you or his siblings.

It seemed that you were a missing piece in the Todoroki family.

Dinner went smoothly, Enji even had a few decent moments with Shouto and Fuyumi before conversation died down and dinner was finished and everyone cleaned up and went to their rooms.

Enji slipped out of his shirt as soon as the door closed while you plopped down in the middle of the bed.

You held out your arms beckoning him.

He quietly slid into the bed lying on his stomach and placing his head on your chest.

The two of you sat in silence with nothing but the sound of breathing and your heartbeat in Enji’s ear.

“Thank you.”

You simply smiled and asked:

“For what?”

He thought for a moment.

“For being here and helping me even though I don’t deserve it.”

Enji turned his head to face you.

“You make me want to be a better person I had made such a terrible mistake and I wouldn’t blame you if you had decided to turn the other way. But you stayed and you push me to become a better person every day. And for that I’m grateful.”

You were at a loss for words.

The most emotionally vulnerable he’s been was when he confessed his deeds to you.

But right now he was being so earnest and looking at you with so much love in his eyes, It was a bit overwhelming.

You felt tears prickle in your eyes but you wiped them and hugged Enji closer to your chest.

You were glad to have made a positive change in his life.

“I’ll always be here for you.”

You laid your head back and felt Enji resume placing his head on your chest.

The two of you laid there basking in each others’ warmth.

It was when you were on the verge of unconsciousness when you heard Enji speak.

“I love you so much.”

It was just a whisper obviously not meant to be heard by you. But it melted your heart nonetheless.

“I love you too, Enji.”

The two of you fell asleep, content, and at peace, knowing the two of you meant the world to each other.

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at isellhotdogs@gmail.com.

<33333333333333333333333333

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Ablaze ~ S.R.

A/n: Haaaaaaaaaa so y'all liked that Spencer Reid fic I did huh? lol I'm glad

Request: "Could you do a Reid x male reader where the team is in Cali following an arsonist and the readers a firefighter (and Reids bf but the team doesn’t know that) and somehow the reader gets into a confrontation with the arsonist and has to use what Reid has “taught him”/talked about to try and deescalate the situation" by @sheepfather

Word Count: 2400+

Masterlist

They met when Y/n's team was putting out the fire and Reid's team was rushing to the scene to see if their arsonists was still around. The BAU had been dragged to California because it seemed that a killer was on the lose. They couldn't figure out the connections of the victims, but they were all dying in horrible fires. It turned out that someone wasn't setting fires to kill people, just that they were setting fires that happened to kill people. There wasn't a killer on the loose. There was an arsonist.

When I say "they" I don't mean Y/n and Reid by the way. The two boys actually went way back. They'd met in Vegas at a party neither of them wanted to be at. Y/n had been going through a rough time and Reid wasn't good in social situations and they'd ended up in the same corner and just enjoyed the mutual silence. After they'd found peace in each other Y/n had rested his head on Reid's shoulder and Reid was surprised to see that it didn't bother him. They'd run into each other again at the local library of all places. There they'd exchanged names first and then numbers soon after. After that, they'd spent more and more time together. They had to work around work and school schedules (only Y/n went to school anymore, but it was still an issue) but eventually it went from hang outs to date and then suddenly they were boyfriends instead of best friends.

The "they" I meant was actually Y/n and the rest of the BAU. None of Spencer's friends knew about Y/n. It wasn't like he was ashamed or hiding anything, it was just that it never came up. Everyone assumed Spencer was single and would always be, and Spencer didn't care enough to correct them. He wasn't into PDA either so the team didn't figure it out themselves. What they could tell was that they knew each other. It was nice to see Spencer be comfortable around someone outside of work, but Spencer hated talking about his personal life so people tried to ask as little as possible.

Working together was fun though. Y/n knew him very well, down to every micro sign of each emotion. Whenever Spencer got anxious or confused or was really focused and needed to be alone, Y/n always reacted appropriately. It came with knowing him for many years. It was also very helpful when Spencer was profiling and giving information to the other firefighters to keep a look out in case they arrived when the arsonist did. The firefighters, of course, were who made up Y/n's team, as Y/n was a firefighter as well. They had lots of questions though, and even more doubt. Y/n showed very early on that he knew Spencer's capabilities, so when they got too dubious or went to interrupt him, Y/n was quick to cut them off. It made JJ, Emily, and Morgan smile.

One day Morgan prodded. He walked up to Y/n, leaning against the wall next to the boy. "How far back do you and Reid go?"

Y/n was drinking water so he finished his gulp before answering. "Further back then Reid being in the BAU," Y/n responded. "I was still in high school He wasn't, of course, but-" He shrugged, chuckling. "We both lived in Vegas for a while. The relationship carried even when we moved away."

Morgan nodded. "You like him?"

"I'd like to think so." Y/n tried to hide a smile. He could tell them that he was Spencer's boyfriend, but what was the fun in that? "I'd even say I was in love with him."

That seemed to surprise Morgan. "Oh." He looked at Reid and then Y/n, obviously confused. If Y/n was so sure of his feelings, why did it seem like they were just friends? "Does Reid feel the same?"

Y/n considered that. "I don't know. I don't think Spencer and I have ever been on the same emotional playing field. Usually when I feel one thing he's feeling something else... But even then, no one ever seems to feel the same way about each other." Y/n shook his head. "I'm a psychology major, ignore me. What you want to know is if Spencer loves or likes me or whatever. But I can't speak for him." With that, Y/n left and Morgan only had more questions. Were they together or not?

His question was answered on one very bad night that almost cost Reid everything.

Lina Mare was a local sweetheart. She was kind of quiet and shy, but she liked Y/n. They were friends at least - Lina was in college. Y/n seemed to have a knack of befriending awkward, shy, or quiet people. People that couldn't quite get along with anyone else. So when she came into the fire station that day, it wasn't totally weird. She'd never visited Y/n at work before, but that didn't stop Y/n from greeting her when she came in. Nothing else was going on- why not?

She looked upset though. "Hey, you okay Lee?" He asked, touching her shoulder.

The girl leaned into his touch and his eyebrows came together, wondering if maybe she felt dizzy. Her eyes were clear though and her expression was set and clear. Her features were sharp and her gaze was like someone running a knife along his skin. Dangerous and seconds from doing damage. "I'm not," she told him. "I need you to stop, Y/n."

Y/n looked at one of his teammates behind her head. They made eye contact and the other man stood at the ready in case he needed to act. Y/n had a very bad feeling about what was happening. He didn't know why, he just felt like something bad was about to happen. "Stop what?" He asked her softly.

Lina looked right into his eyes, seeming to see something amazing. Her gaze softened, but didn't become any less dangerous. Just a little more uncontrolled. "The fires. You can't stop them. You have to stop putting them out."

It clicked immediately in Y/n's head. He looked at Lina's hands, still in her pockets. "Why don't we go outside and-?"

"No," Lina snapped, tugging out of his reach. "You have to stop putting them out!"

"Okay," Y/n cooed, putting both of his hands up so she could see that he was unarmed. He recalled everything Spencer had ever taught him. Anything he'd been told about in stories, or things Spencer had complained people often did wrong. "Can I at least let my friends go outside?"

She considered that a second before nodding. "But we stay."

"Okay," Y/n assured. He looked at the other fireman he'd warned before. Daniel. "Take everyone outside, will you please? Make sure everyone is there that needs to be." Daniel nodded before running off. Thankfully people trusted Y/n's judgment. Soon the building was empty. "Why don't you take your hands out of your pockets, Lina?" He knew they'd call the police. If he stalled long enough no one would get hurt. He'd gotten as many people safe as he could. Now he had to keep Lina calm until they could solve this.

A sigh came from the younger girl but she agreed. In one hand she had a lighter. Now that it was free of her pocket, she flicked it on and off every few seconds. "You're so oblivious, you know that?" She moved further into the fire station, toward the back of the truck.  Y/n followed, wanting to keep her in sight so she couldn't do anything too stupid. "You don't get anything."

"What did I miss Lina?" Y/n asked, trying to stay casual.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm in love with you." Y/n froze, both because of her word and also because she'd stopped down and hooked her fingers around a canister of gasoline. She vegan to move back into the building and when he didn't follow, she snapped, "Come on." He swallowed before obeying. She was getting agitated and he didn't want to set her off. She began to pour out the can all over the floor.

"Wait Lina-" She turned on her lighter and let it hover over the pouring gas. Y/n stopped dead in his tracks.

"You know Y/n I've tried for months." She let her lighter out, but kept it at the ready. "I tried everything to get you to realize how I felt about you. But you just kept laughing and it was so frustrating. I thought, it wouldn't help to be mad at you all the time. I'd have no time that way. So I did something I haven't done in a long time. I managed to keep myself under control for years. But you made me so angry, I had to let it out some way. So I burned. Little things."

Y/n's jaw hardened. "You killed people."

"I KNOW!" Lina sneered. "It wasn't on purpose! But fire is alive, Y/n. And it has wants and needs. And it grows. Who am I to stop it?" Y/n felt his stomach turn. "Then you made it even worse. You came rushing in every time and put them out. And suddenly I had a new reason to be angry. I'd almost forgotten about you. Until I saw your stupid, pretty face through the window and realized you were one of these stupid people putting my fires out. Of all people, OF COURSE it had to be you, huh?" She scoffed and Y/n's mind raced as he tried to figure out how to stop this. Lina went back and got three more cans, pouring those out too. Y/n could do nothing, as she kept her lighter at the ready. The whole floor was covered in oil now and her lighter was alight. "So I figured, get rid of the problem you know? No more fire fighters. No more you. No more me."

Fuck.

Y/n began moving to her. She tried to move away, but he forced a smile. "What, you're scared of me now? What am I going to do? I'd never hurt you Lina, you know that." She relaxed again. "I was just thinking, you know, I feel the same way." He tried not to cringe at the words. He was like seven years older than her and had a boyfriend but SURE, he liked her too. He knew that he had to get her to calm down. Trust him. He'd heard it a million times from Spencer. You give them what they want until you find your opening.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You do?"

Nodding, Y/n chuckled softly. "Of course I do. I just thought, I'm too old for you. Of course you'd never like me back. If I had known... Well, like you said, I'm completely oblivious."

She giggled, her eyes watering. "I knew it. Everyone said that you were into that- that- that weird guy from the FBI. But I KNEW we were made for each other." They were close now. The lighter was out and Y/n was inches from getting it out of her hand. Then she did something that totally knocked him off of his feet. They heard sirens and she ignored them, because of course why would the police be after her? She ignored them and she kissed Y/n and he was so stunned that he almost forgot about the lighter.

Finally Y/n's fingers closed around the lighter and he yanked it from her grip. She pushed him away and they parted. She shoved the lighter in his back pocket, moving to her quickly and wrapping her arms around her to force her to be still. She thrashed and kicked until they ended up with Y/n on his back, arms and legs all wrapped around her to keep her firmly in place even as she screamed and moved her head. It meant, unfortunately, that Y/n's face was nearly completely in the oil.

When the door finally opened and police came in, Y/n was relieved to let her go. His head was spinning and his vision was blurring as his eyes burned. She was handcuffed and taken away and he ignored what she was saying as she screamed at him.

It was Morgan who pulled Y/n to his feet and out of the oil. Who questioned him and got him a towel to wipe off as much oil as he could. Who got him outside and to clean air and who kept everyone back as Y/n processed what just happened and got real air into his lungs.Morgan finally got the story piece by piece and then took it to the others. That was when Reid finally got to his boyfriend.

Y/n leaned away from his touch. Then he started crying, his head full of images of him burning to death. Or Lina burning to death, screaming for him as she did so. Or, even worse, both of them burning to death together. Holy shit...

"She kissed me," Y/n choked out, covering his mouth.

"What can I do to help you?" Spencer asked softly, his eyes wide with worry.

Y/n shook his head before looking at him. "How can you forgive me?"

That seemed to confuse Spencer. "Forgive you for what?"

"She kissed me," he reiterated. "I let her."

Spencer tried not to laugh. "Y/n you were in a stressful situation and because of that, you got the lighter away from her. Because of it, you're safe..." He shook his head, moving closer to take Y/n's face in his hands. "Listen to me. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you, Y/n. Kissing her didn't mean anything other than you being safe today and that is all I care about. I don't even know who would ever consider that cheating. Don't be an idiot." He smiled and Y/n did as well. Spencer wiped the tears off his face. "Now can I take my turn and kiss you or do you need more space?"

Y/n laughed before pulling his boyfriend close by the belt loops. Their noses brushed a second before they finally kissed. It lifted the weird imaged out of his head and the weight off his chest. He was okay. Everyone was okay. That's all that mattered.

"So you guys ARE dating then?" The men looked over to see Emily there, JJ next to her.

"Yes," Spencer answered as if it was the most obvious thing ever. Emily looked at Y/n and then at JJ and then JJ and Y/n looked at each other and suddenly they were all laughing. After the stressful showdown from before, it was nice to laugh. It made Y/n feel better, and everyone seemed to sense that. Unfortunately, just because Spencer understood the laughing helped, he couldn't get why they were laughing at all. "I don't get it. What's so funny?"

They just kept laughing.

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

[runawayfairie]

━♡ guess the 21 YEAR OLD NOVEMBER baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because AHN SEOJIN is just as RAW as the month of NOVEMBER. wait, why do they remind me of LEE GAHYEON? beyond that, they seemed OUTGOING & RESOURCEFUL upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of REBELLIOUS & SELF-SERVING though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX # 4 / APARTMENT # 6 / FLOOR # 3 ; they seem to have a lot going on with HER job as BUSKER (unemployed).( Bee, 24, she/her, cst. )

Hello everyone!!! My name is Bee ( the 2nd lol. She/her, 24, cst! ) and I’m so happy to be in this group with my sad girl Seojin!  Please add me on discord too, its so much easier to message there! bee121#9991 I will be posting links to her navigation but I’ll also put in a little bio under the cut with some plot ideas and connections I need filled out! Feel free to message me or like this post and I’ll come message you lovely people!! ━♡

Profile || Wanted Connections || Plots || Full Nav  Pin Board & Playlist for Muse!

━♡ STATS & BASIC INFO

☾ Ahn Seojin is 21 years old, born November 5th, 1999 and the moment she was born her life was nothing but struggle. 

☾ Backstory!!  Seojin never knew her dad because she was actually the result of a scandal between a man who was married with a family of his own and her mother. The two had a secret relationship for years before she came along, naively her mother thought he would do something for them but instead of physically being there for them he simply paid her off and forced her to never speak of the affair or the accidental kid. He gave them enough to get by on, or what he deemed was enough, and sent them away. Her mother had to work multiple jobs to keep them afloat and they were happy for a while with just the two of them. Her mother died her junior year of high school and she ended up dropping out to work because she wouldn’t of survived if she’d continued school. With no other family to lean on, any relatives on her maternal side disowned them the second they found out about her and she didn’t even know her father, not that she would want his help anyway, she was on her own and did her best to get by. This resulted in her having to work any job that would give her a chance but it wouldn’t be long until she was fired for stealing food or supplies she wasn’t able to pay for, since most of her paycheck went towards trying to keep the apartment her mother and her had. It also wasn’t long before she eventually lost that too and she was on the streets for a while, finding people to stay with or spending most nights in internet cafes or norebong bars. She finally realized that she could make more money singing in busy shopping districts, especially when its known for attracting tourists, and with this new “job” she was able to barely afford a new apartment! Now she’s living in Dallyeog and life is looking up!

━♡ PERSONALITY

x  Just like the changing and chilling weather of November, Seojin is quick to adapt to whatever life throws at her, no matter how dark or difficult it may be. She is very extroverted and comes off as extremely sweet and friendly, but she is quick to get defensive and although she is always dealing with something she rarely ever shares her personal issues with others. She likes to live in the moment and not worry about the past or the future, even if she does dwell and overanalyze everything in her life when she lays down to try and sleep.

x She likes fun above all else, any excuse to have a good time is something she is totally down for, anything that keeps things light and impersonal. When people try to get to know her personally she tends to take a step back, putting up a bit of a wall around herself for protection.

x She likes to be the center of attention, the life of the party, and she tends to surround herself with a lot of people and from an outsider’s perspective you could assume that she was very popular and had many friends, but she never really let anyone get close enough to truly start to know who she really is. She is worried that people will think she’s no good, broken, a waste of space- all that stuff, and she tries to make herself as likable as possible so that people will want to keep her around.

━♡ WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS

★ Family Connection wanted!!  Seojin never knew her dad because she was basically a “mistake” from the beginning, no one could know about her lest her father’s “perfect reputation” be soiled by HIS mistake. He couldn’t let his own family find out either so she wasn’t even told his name, she took her mother’s surname which is exactly how she wanted it. She does eventually find out who he was and learns that she had a half sibling (or siblings) that were living in Seoul and she wants to learn more about them. Do they know about her?? Would they be mortified? Embarrassed? Angry? Would they be able to get along maybe..? After all, they are the only family she has now, so she feels like she has to try. || OPEN ||

★ Much like a stray cat, Seojin is always over at other people’s apartments begging for food, she seems to always know when someone is cooking, and she tends to spend a lot of time on couches receiving love and affection while she talks about where she went out the night before. Her heat and electricity is often shut off at some point towards the end of each month because she is late on payments, which is also why she’s always seeking out meals. (Rip her empty fridge lol) I am needed many muses who either don’t mind her coming over for food or people who seem to have to just deal with her because she’s cute and they pity her or just enjoy her company. || OPEN for many muses ||

★  As a way to deal with what she’s been through, Seojin has been known to party and go out, sometimes more than she really should, and you can be sure that she’d never turn down an invitation to have a night out on the town! She goes out often and makes it almost a game to find new places that are tucked away and usually have secret menus. If your muse ever wants a drinking partner, she’s your girl!! || OPEN for many muses ||

★ Wanna go on a picnic? Food and drinks on me! Or well.. The convenient store down the street! She may be a little bit of a clepto.. but it’s not because it’s an addiction, it’s because she needed to do this to get by, and it’s so much easier than paying for things! She’s gotten quite good at it too, she rarely ever gets caught anymore. Does your muse approve? Will they join in? Turn her in? || OPEN ||

★ “Would you light my candle~?” -Rent Seojin comes to your muse’s apartment complaining that her electricity and heat is off and she needs a candle lit and maybe some time to warm herself up. She is looking for company and maybe a place to sleep, and she isn’t too shy about how grateful she would be to them and how she would definitely repay them, make it “worth their while”.  ( I get big Mimi vibes from Seojin in most ways but the junky part, she is more into alcohol than drugs. I just love this song so much and think a plot like this scene would be fun! ) || OPEN ||

★ (more to come soon, if you have any ideas feel free to message me!)

[galactic-magick]

Distance: Patton x Reader

Request: Hii! Could i get a Patton x Reader with the prompts 14 and 35 in the beginning, then 8 towards the end please? I had this idea where its a human au and Patton and Reader met when they were young at summer camp. Patton feels homesick and Reader sees them and decided to comfort them. Years pass and they get jobs and stuff and because they didnt live near eachother they'd usually talk on the phone, but stopped. One day reader calls and says prompt 8 and Patton confesses his love on the phone. - @autumnfalls26​

Summary: Your childhood best friend you met at a summer camp crosses your mind again.

Words: 1400+                                        

Warnings: none I think? Touch of angst ig

Author’s Notes: Present day is in normal text and flashback to when you were kids is in italics. Idk why I got emotional writing this lol. Maybe cuz I’m a Patton kinnie.

Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​ @amayaisokay​

-                                

-

-

The door shuts, and you let out a long awaited breath.

It wasn’t any different than a normal day. You got up. You went to work. And now you’re home.

But every day it hurts more and more, the constant strain of being an adult and having to abandon your dreams for more “productive” activities. Your life feels empty, like something is missing.

You slump on the couch and glance at the shelf, pictures lined up in no particular order. Family and friends occupy the frames, and one of them has a group picture of the summer camp you went to when you were younger.

You hoist yourself up, walking over and grabbing the latter. Everyone’s smiling, sweaty and dirty, and you get a laugh out of your younger self’s chubby cheeks and toothy grin.

You look at the little boy next to you. Patton Sanders was his name.

Is, you correct yourself. He’s still around, even though you don’t talk anymore.

It’s not that anything happened. You just, grew apart. You connected so well as kids at that camp, becoming best friends basically on the first day. After it was over you talked on the phone almost every day throughout middle school, high school around once a week, but after that, the contact lessened. With college and jobs and whatnot, you simply stopped talking as much.

And now you can’t remember the last time you called him.

 “Are you okay?” you plopped down on the bench next to the boy you saw crying.

He sniffled, looking at you, “Yeah, I’m fine,”

“Hi fine, I’m Y/N!”

His tears stopped almost as if by command, and he stared at you.

Then he burst out laughing, “You like dad jokes too?”

“What do you mean? I’m not a dad,” you shook your head.

“Oh. Sorry. One of the big kids told me that’s what my jokes are called,”

“Did the big kids make you cry?” you cocked your head.

“No, I was just feeling sad,” another tear started to fall despite you lightening his mood.

“Why?”

“I miss home. I’ve never been away from home this long without my parents,”

You stood up firmly, your hands on your hips and staring right at him, “Will you quit raining on your own parade? We can do whatever we want here! No parents means no rules!”

“I guess so…”

“We can play on the playground as long as we want! We don’t have to eat vegetables! We can stay up late!” you didn’t mean to yell at him, you were just excited. “What’s your name anyway?”

“Patton,”

“Hi Patton,” you grabbed his arm and pulled him up. “C’mon, let’s go explore,”

“B-But what if we get lost? What if we get in trouble?”

“It’s okay, I’ll be holding your hand the entire time,”

And just like that, your hand slid into his, and he didn’t let go for dear life.

 The camp was only for a week, but you spent nearly every minute together. Patton felt safe with you, and you loved hanging out with him. You stuck by him during all the meals and group activities, and your free time too. Fortunately your cabins happened to be next to each other as well, and a couple of the nights you snuck out and just talked for hours on the swing set.

You’d never had a real best friend before, and neither had he. When your parents came to pick you up you immediately begged them to exchange numbers and emails so you could keep in touch. You houses weren’t extremely far apart, but still a couple cities away, a little over an hour’s drive. You thought you might be able to meet up once in a while, but not often.

 You set the picture back down, sighing. Childish memories usually make people happy, so why does this sting so much?

Is this what missing someone feels like? Really missing someone?

You pull out your phone from your pocket and bring up his contact.

You can’t imagine he’d want to hear from you. Why would he? What are you even supposed to say? “Hey man, long time no see”?

Incredibly underwhelming compared to what you want to say.

You want to tell him how much he meant to you all those years. How much it meant for him to talk to you every time you needed it. You told him everything, literally every single detail about your day. You laughed at each other’s dumb jokes. You cried over the phone multiple times, and so did he.

You helped each other with homework that neither of you could understand.

You tried to see each other in person at least once a year.

When you asked him to your school dance and he wasn’t able to make it, he made it up to you by sending you a package full of your favorite things and video calling you for hours.

When his pet dog died, you drove all the way to his house just to give him a hug, even though your parents didn’t like you taking the car without permission.

All you want is to know how he is. You want to know if he’s doing well, if life is treating him alright. Does he have a partner? He must, right? Is he still at the same job? Did he finish his degree?

You press the call button before you can convince yourself out of it.

He picks up surprisingly fast.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, Pat,” you smile at the sound of his voice. “Sorry about this, I’m sure you’re busy,”

“No! Not busy at all,”

“Oh,” you sit back down on the couch. “I know this might sound kind of stupid, but I was just thinking about you today, ya know, wishing we were kids again,”

There’s a silence.

“Pat? You there?”

“Y-yeah, sorry,” nervous laughter muffles his words. “I’ve just been thinking about you too. Coincidence, huh?”

“I just…I feel so bad that we barely talk anymore, ya know? Like you were my best friend for my entire life, how could I lose you like that?” you can’t believe you’re saying all this so freely, but it’s always been like that with him. It’s like you physically can’t hold anything back, even when he’s on the phone miles away.

“You never lost me,”

“What?”

“You never lost me, Y/N. I’ve always thought of you as my best friend no matter how much or little we’re talking. I’ll always wait for you,”

Your eyes water at that last comment. Although it sounded more like a promise.

“You know,” he continues. “While we’re on the subject, I should probably tell you something I should’ve told you a long time ago,”

“Mmhm?”

“Well, I kind of was in love with you, during all that time,”

“Really?”

“Yeah…And if I’m being honest, I think I still am,”

You clap your hand over your mouth and almost drop your phone.

I mean, it’s not like you’re dumb. You knew there was always something there between you, and it certainly wasn’t one sided. But it was something unspoken, something neither of you ever put words to.

And you assumed it faded away along with your friendship.

But after hearing him say that, everything comes flooding back. All the other memories, all the feelings.

At this point you’d just marry him on the spot.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You clear your throat, “Yeah, I’m fine,”

“Hi fine, I’m Patton,”

You chuckle, and he laughs right along with you.

“Gosh I wish I could see you right now so I can say that back,” you sigh.

“Just a minute,” he says, abruptly ending the call.

You sit there staring at your empty screen, wondering what happened.

He doesn’t think he can literally get here in a minute, does he?

Knock. Knock.

You run to the door and open it, shocked to see Patton standing right there in front of you.

Before you can say anything, he pulls you into a tight hug.

“How did you get here so fast?” you mumble into his shoulder.

“I was thinking about you, so I wanted to see you and surprise you. I was already almost here when you called me,”

“Wow,” is all you can muster.

He lets you go, but only so he can bring his hands to the sides of your face. You look into his eyes, and there’s nothing but joy in them. No bitterness, no anger, just love.

“I love you too, by the way,” you smile, your cheeks squishing a bit against his palms.

He looks like he’s about to cry, but you’ll never know for sure.

Because his lips are on yours faster than you can ask if he’s okay again.

[cosmictulips]

hi i’m BM💗 (19) and i’m a sagittarius whose favorite color is pink, and likes to eat hot cheetos! i’m inquiring about NP🧜🏾‍♀️ (19) whose a pisces. so NP and I met at work where we instantly became best friends. i ended up liking NP and I told her after it became really bad for my health. we established that she didn’t feel the same and we remained friends. She ended up going to the Navy but we kept in contact, sending letters back and forth and then ft calls when she was able to. i made her do majority of the reaching out at this point because i used to always be the first and i couldn’t read her to know if she would do the same for me. in August of last year i got tired of feeling like i was the one doing the labor for the friendship and after the smallest disagreement i told her to have a good life without me. i reaches back out in september to rekindle because i missed her and i told her so, but after a failed plan of going out i decided that i felt i was forcing her to care and love me, when it was known on my part. i stopped communicating with her first and she reached out again on my birthday but kept it short and almost rude. i told her happy new year and even wished her a good deployment. i still think about her quite often, because this person was my best friend and is someone i can’t choose to love, i just do. i honestly just want to know if the love is reciprocated and if we have a chance of reuniting once she’s back from deployment? my favorite animals are dolphins 🐬 and cats 🐈. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND ENERGY❗️(i left a tip but idk if i properly put my name and initials)

HELLOOOOOOO your daily dose of tarot -and an essay lol-  has arrived =D Before we get into it, I would like to preface this with any wondering eyes that this is actually a very good example of my readings lol.   Anyway,  a disclaimer:  the future is always changing, nothing is ever set in stone. I give you one possiblitiy of countless others.  I try to pick up as many as I can but ultimately since this does deal with other people,  I can only give to you what the cards want me to see. if some of this seems open ended it is because the other person, or people involved have not decided fully what they want to do.  If you do not like what the cards say you literally can and should change the outcome. With that being said, lets get to it ;)  if you have any other questions for me -especially regarding pendulum- please feel free to let me know.  You did tip as well so if there’s any other forms of uh divination you would like me to use please let me know.  Otherwise I have stuck to the big three ;) Pendulum, Tarot, Oracle.  okay, let’s get into it lol  oh, also, if you want an actual pdf of this, I will gladly give it to you lol

I got your tip and don't worry about tipping more lol. I do not do this for the tips,  but merely to help =)  I only started the tipping thing because in depth readings take a lot out of me and so yea, that's why it's only like three dollars lol also before we get really into it some notes:  I noticed this reading has a lot of love energy in it.  whether it is self love, platonic love, or romantic love, it does not matter to me.  I am a firm believer love conquers all things and I truly believe that with a bit of it, you two can get back to being friends again or move on to something better.  a LOT of your oracles mention love.  take how it resonates to you,  but I firmly believe a lot of it is platonic and self love.  there’s also a huge theme of something ending.  it could be the relationship with her and you two departing but I’m feeling it’s the relationship as you know it.  I think you two will become stronger together and fight through this. 

anyway

The Energy between the two of you: three and ten of wands, six of swords, Eight of wands, High Priestess with the Tower as the overall energy. (also King of pentacles, 6 of pentacles, hanged man, chariot, queen of wands, ace of pentacles, 2 of cups)

Ace of cups, seven of pentacles, Judgement, the Hermit, three of pentacles, Queen of Cups also flew out. 

So let's begin with the wands.  We have Three, Eight and Ten of Wands.   The wands tell a story about hard work and perseverance.  here with the three of wands and eight of wands,  it tells me that your pisces here is probably under a lot of stress.  and ... I think this goes for you as well.  I feel it definitely around the work and home life here.  NP is very focused on their goals,  and with the ten of wands,  they are carrying a lot of responsibility on their shoulders.  they see this as a good thing though.  something they want.  they had to work hard to get where they are and they love having it.  but much like burdens it's tiresome and I'm sure they're just stressed out and want a break.

We should then go over to the swords here.  because we have the six of swords.  the six of swords is probably the biggest indicator of how they're feeling about everything in regards to what you have told me.  this is the card of moving on.  I see that they are trying to push what has happened past them.  and I see with the Ace of Cups that there is going to be something new for the both of you coming down the road. we  We can also see this with the Seven of Pentacles.  the seven of pentacles is all about working and putting effort into things.  in this case, relationships.  there's going to be a change in the relationship. this can mean one of two things though.  One, you both go your separate ways and you both work on yourselves,  or two,  you both come back to each other and work in a new, healed relationship.

so then, we have a ton of Major Arcana lol.  We have the Hermit, Judgement and the High Priestess.  we also have the queen of cups so don't let me forget about that.

so here's what I'm thinking lol. I think you two are going to end up reflecting each other.  I have some other cards, and if you notice, there's also the queen of wands.  I think NP  is going to form into this queen of wands, and you are going to step into the queen of cups here. because I see this journey.  this could also be reversed because you're a fire sign and she's water but like roll with me here.  one of you is going to become more introspective.  the Hermit is all about searching for inner truth and guidance.  Judgement and the High Priestess is all about awakenings and trusting the inner guidance that you have.  someone, is going to be stepping into their power and presenting themselves as the queen of cups. and I think that's going to help your situation a lot.

So then we have the overall energy.   We have the Tower.  this tells me that you two are probably going to come to a head when you two finally get to sit down and talk about this.  if both sides are willing.  I don't know why but Im hearing that maybe a third party is going to be involved with you hashing it out.  and they could represent the tower energy but I think they're going to embody the King of Pentacles.  this could also be the situation you two come together.  something logical with both of yalls heads on straight.

we have the 6 of pentacles here too with the ace of pentacles so something new is coming for the both of you.  one that is both generous and one that brings you both in a union that you two can work together -see the 2 of cups there as well ;) -  with the hanged man and the chariot with the queen of wands, I'm thinking this is going to get a little... spicy lol

Like, I think you two are going to be a little rough around the edges at first.  which is fair I mean, you both were kind of on different wave lengths and shit happened ya know? it's okay to be riled up and hurt over the past.  but luckily this isn't going to be ending in a way that you both are hurt and sore about.  this is going to be a mutual ending.  something you both can agree on.

so now, I'm going to get into more of the oracle stuff and pendulums.  I have a few questions set up but if you have any that you would like answered, feel free to let me know =)

Pendulum:

Is there a chance that you two will come back together?

yes -oh okay so I saw the wheel of fortune when I got this answer. this tells me that you two will be able to end the cycle of this situation and be able to move on into something more beautiful.

Will there be a third person involved to help?

yes

Is it someone you both know?

yes

Is there a chance for building a stronger connection?

yes. and a key message I got for this is to have patience, take some time to rest and “is it worth the fighting?’  which Im assuming is going to be when you two try to sort it out lol

Will the Pisces reach out first?

yes

Is it wise to make the first move now?

no.  considering the top one here is a yes, I think it’s best to sit back and let this happen. 

Oracle Advice

Your feelings are real and are worth exploring

Trust--- this situation is requiring to have faith.

transformation occurs through acceptance.  Once you accept the current situation, it will automatically transform

Getting to know each other.  Reveal yourselves to each other, it helps to deepen the bond. 

Transformation:  your relationship with one another is about to deepen. love conquers and transforms all things.

Power--- You instinctively know what is right for you and you have the power to say no or to walk away at any time

someone has deeper feelings for you than they are letting on.

Friendship--- nurture the bonds of friendship within your relationship and your love life will dramatically improve.

The most unlikely friendships can form; like variegated lichens on hard rock, they create a tight bond. 

Don’t make decisions based on guilt or what you think you should do, for it is only in being true to yourself that you can be true to others. 

Breathe -- break from beneath the waters surface and soar up beyond the turquoise sea

Meditate- make some quiet time in the still air Travel -- seeing the surface of the ocean is not the same as driving deep to see the coral

Voyage --- set sail on a new course

Resilient --- stay as strong as evergreen trees

Let Go -- enjoy the pulsing light of the firefly but don’t hold on too tight

Idyll Hours ---  take some time out to lie on the emerald grass. 

Growth -- the tallest oak tree once started as a seedling. don’t be afraid to start something new. 

Prosperity lies ahead 

getting clear on what you value most will help you find peace

Don’t let your past hold you back

release the past

just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should

Step out of your comfort zone

time to stop obsessing over someone or something. 

stand on your own two feet

balance spirituality and practicality

follow your intuition, it won’t let you down

The end of a tough cycle approaches

stop fearing the worst

A firey climax approaches

being assertive is good-- just don’t push it on to anyone. 

I hope this helps if you need anything, like I said let me know. if you have any follow up questions I will be happppyyy to answer them. =)

[prettyboyeffect]

Lover Dearest *Updated*

A/N: Hey guys! I’m not sure how long some of you reading have been a part of this blog but since I’m returning from a two year hiatus, I’m going to go ahead and assume most of you are new. Hi! I was a fanfic writer for Criminal Minds and Supernatural back in 2017. I went through a lot of personal stuff around the time I stopped posting and my mental health was at an all time low. But! I’m back with a peace offering. Lover Dearest is one the first fics I’ve ever written. It was inspired by the song by Mariana’s Trench. It has always been one of my favourites to go back and reread and I’ve always wanted to see if I was able to rewrite it and make it a little longer for you guys. I used a lot of the same language and elements so it’s not an entirely different fic but I did make it a little longer and more descriptive for you! Hopefully, you guys like it! This is the first piece I have written in about three years so please keep that in mind and go easy on me lol. Alright, now let’s get into it!

 TW: DRUG USE. DEPRESSION. SUICIDE MENTION. Intense language.

@dontshootmespence wanted a tag! <3 I’m sorry in advance... I have my next fic planned out and I promise it’ll be fluffy goodness! 

 —— 

Spencer’s POV 

This place is a hole, and I don’t wanna go. I wish we could stay here, Forever alone. 

You rolled over in your bed, the shrieking of your alarm clock echoing in your brain like you had the worst hangover in the world. You lifted your arm and tapped the off button with the tips of your finger before bringing both of your fists to your temples, curling up into your blankets; your body shook. It was 6pm, you had fallen asleep a few hours prior. You laid there, sore all over and still for what felt like hours, though it was likely only a few moments. You were groggy again and not long after the initial phase of disorientation wore off, you were struck with the familiar feeling of guilt, the cloud of emptiness that begged your body for more life. You hated every part of you that continued to enable yourself to self destruct but yet you feel like you couldn’t stop it; you knew that there was only one way to fix what you were feeling and it was waiting for you in the bedside table drawer- calling your name, driving you closer and closer. This time that we waste, but I still love your taste. Don’t let him take my place, don’t just sit there.

You groaned as you pushed yourself up to a sitting position, then to standing. Your body felt heavy as you began to stumble over to the drawer, even though it was probably the lightest it’s ever been, given the fact you were an adult man standing at six feet tall. Your mind was unusually quiet which normally would concern you but you felt there wasn’t much use for your mind right now. If it was so smart- why couldn’t you have saved her? You have always wanted to learn everything you could about Alzheimer's; you thought maybe if you could find a way to understand everything there was to know about the disease, you could figure out how to stop it in time to save her. But you couldn’t. You let the woman who gave you life- die, lost inside her own mind. Much like you were right now. You knew your friends were worried about you but you tried not to let them see to what extent you were truly hurting. Thinking of her hurt so much, you’d rather feel nothing.

Sometimes, I wish you would leave me. I’m not sick of you yet. Is that as good as it gets? I’ll just say it; I could slip into you, it’s so easy to come back into you. 

Your hands shook as you pulled the drawer open, revealing a vile of dilaudid along with some syringes, alcohol swabs and some small cotton threads. You sighed and grabbed what you needed and headed for the bathroom. It was your go-to space for what you were about to do. The nausea came almost immediately after the injection so you needed to be ready and near the toilet, just in case things were to go in that direction once again. You finally reached the sink and held onto the sides, you hunched over but stared at your face in the mirror. You barely recognized yourself. Those dark and sunken eyes have seen a lot of darkness over the years but nothing could have prepared you for the way she left you. It’s the hardest ;thing you’ve ever gone through. All the cases, all the times you almost lost against an unsub, nothing could compare to losing your best friend.

I stared for a while, and waited for words. Seen but not heard, and struggled to try.

My tongue’s turning black, but I’ll take you back. You’re still the best, more or less, I guess.

There was a part of you that knew this was wrong. That part of you ached and pleaded for you to give in and call JJ or Derek, or even Hotchner. But this side of you knew you could never do that to them. You could never let them feel this pain that you felt. Instead of facing the truth, in fear of being that disappointment, you hid your pain away but that’s what addiction is, right? Not being able to stop these thoughts? You took one last glance at yourself, just to see who it was looking back at you. It wasn’t you. This man was old, pale and fragile. His face was covered with patchy skin and dirt, where his hair wasn’t thinning, it was clumped and matted. Is this the man everyone else saw? No one ever commented on it, did they see it too? This man was hurting, begging for help but no one could hear. You almost felt as if this was better. No one would forgive you for this anyway.

You laid your arm against the porcelain sink, feeling a slight shiver run down your spine as the chilled glass made contact your skin. Your eyes bounced in between all your bruises, past markings and scars. You prepped your arm and took a deep breath in, slowly piercing the needle through your skin and pushing the poison into your vein. Your exhale was a whimper and your head fell. You knew you should stop but you needed more, you felt at peace- like, nothing could ever harm you ever again and you were free. It was so beautiful and you were sure it was Heaven. And she was there with you, holding out her hand for you to hold. You reached for her. Before you connected, you were brought back to reality. You lost your remaining strength and the needle fell with you onto the floor as you collapsed onto your knees. You cried out so loudly, people walking on the street below your apartment could probably hear. You gripped the toilet bowl and vomited intensely before your vision closed in and you dropped to the floor.

And it hurts me to say, that I want you to stay. But it might be alright if you go.

So leave me. I’m not sick of you yet. Is that as good as it gets? I’ll just hide it. I could slip into you, It’s so easy to come back into you.

You weren’t sure how long you were out for but you did know that you were in a lot of pain. It felt like knives stabbing in and out, over and over, all over. Your head pounded against your skull and the ringing in your ears intensified as you leaned over the toilet bowl again, releasing nothing but bile. That’s when you noticed the blood, it was everywhere but you didn’t know where it was coming from. 

 “Fuck.” You started to panic. You suddenly realized the severity of the decision you made. You didn’t want to die here like this, it was a mistake. It was an accident! Your heartbeat quickened as you tried to fight the urge to pass out once more. You scanned the room looking for your phone but you couldn’t see it anywhere. You used every muscle in your body to carry yourself across the floor on your hands and knees. You were determined to make it to your bed again but the pain was so intense. You collapsed again when you exited the bathroom. When you awoke, you were laying in a pool of your own sweat, vomit and blood. You looked and noticed you weren’t that far from your bedside table. You needed to push on. Reaching for the surface, you knocked your phone to the floor. Luckily, JJ was in your recent calls as you were talking to her earlier that morning. You pressed her name and laid beside your phone on the floor, “JJ…” you cried softly.

 … 

 “Spence? Hello?” She spoke. She listened to your quiet, broken voice speak to her. You told her everything. “I’ll be right there. We’ll get you through this. Please hold on.” 

[iliketowrite1996]

Part 1/3- His Mistake

TRIGGER WARNINGS AND THEMES- Secret relationship, sudden kiss, fighting feelings- Set after Endgame except nobody dies and Steve stays where he is at lol 

Steve Rogers is messed up.

    Steve Rogers  messed up, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.

    Steve Rogers messed up, he doesn’t know how to fix it, and he is currently, futile, pacing the floors of the Avengers Tower trying to figure out how to fix the thing that he messed up.

    Normally, he’d just ignore it- move past it and forget all about it, as he does with most things.

    It’s not that he’s never been in this position before. It’s that he’s never been in this position with the person that he is currently in this position with, and that’s what has him terrified.

Steve Rogers is no stranger to kissing. He may not have had much luck with women before the crash- he’d kiss one woman who’s name he ever had and Peggy. 

Post frozen state, though, he has certainly been on his fair share of dates. The kiss with Natasha, for example- he brushed past that after it initially occurred, not having any feelings for his teammate.

    The kiss with the waitress he went on a date with a few months ago, his kiss and fling with anyone else has never resulted in the sort of panic that he is feeling at this very  moment.

    ‘’Hey, Capsicle, is there any reason that you’re currently running a rut in the floor,’’ Tony raises an eyebrow at the man as he enters the office for their meeting.

    ‘’Stark, not now. Just don’t,’’ Steve raises a hand, to which Tony shrugs, deciding to tease his teammate another time.

    ‘’Just don’t run a hole in the floor before Fury gets here,’’ Tony advises as the rest of the team file in,

    Wanda, Vision and Pietro are first, followed by Sam and Bucky. Natasha is followed by Bruce, and Clint ambles in a while later with Rhodey. Thor and Peter are the last to enter, and the 13 of them patiently wait for Nicky Fury to enter.

    ‘’If he’s going to keep us waiting, the least that he could do is supply us with donuts,’’ Tony jokes, just as the door opens yet again.

    ‘’Please, Stark, with your wealth, you should be supplying the whole team with doubts, and cars, to boot,’’ you speak as you enter, coffee in a hand and laptop tucked under your arm.

    ‘’Ahh, he couldn’t be bothered with prepping us himself, so he sent his intern.’’

    ‘’Assistant, Stark. And now I see why Fury carries aspirin with him everywhere he goes, because you’re starting to give me a headache, too,’’ you deadpan, ignoring the snickers of the rest of the team, ‘’Anyway. Yes, he did send me to discuss with you the proper protocol for meeting with King T’Challa, also known as The Black Panther. So that we do not have another bowling incident like the one before.’’

    You pointedly look to Bruce, who looks to Rhodey, who is smirking at the memory of what occurred over six years ago.

    ‘’And he sent you.’’

    ‘’Yes, he sent me. If you're not happy with that, Stark, you may remove yourself from this meeting as well as my presence,’’ you look to the billionaire, ‘’Now, I suggest that you remain quiet until after this meeting is over.’’

    It’s enough to shut Tony up, and Steve appreciates your no-nonsense tone even more than ever, it no doubt being one of the reasons that Fury chose to train you to follow in his footsteps.

    The meeting is brief by their standards- you’re a bit concerned that Tony is going to manage to get on T’Challa’s nerves or that will trip and embarrass himself (his own personal worry, as well) but they seem up to par on protocol of the royal palace and how it has changed.

    ‘’That is it for today, you are all dismissed. Except you, Captain. I need to speak with you at once.’’

    ‘’Looks like somebody’s in trouble,’’ Bucky smirks, earning a nudge from Natasha as the rest of the team disperses, leaving you alone with Steve.

    ‘’Mr. Rogers… Captain America. I was looking through your files,’’ you start as you close the door, giving the two of you some semblance of privacy, ‘’And I noticed quite a few interesting things. Your height and weight before being injected with the super soldier serum, your battles, your wins and your losses, and even quite a bit on Peggy Carter.’’

    ‘’Is there any reason that you are looking for those things?’’

    ‘’I always check up on the files to see if there’s anything new coming up for the Avengers,’’ you shrug, ‘’I know that Peter is graduating from high school soon. I know that Natasha is ready to assume another alias should need a rise, and has several already picked out. I even know all about Tony’s intentions to have another child, other than Morgan. What I don’t know… is why you kissed me last night.’’

    Remember that big mistake that Steve was talking about earlier?

    Yeah. This is it.

    He kissed you, the person directly under Nicky Fury, who could very well become Steve’s boss in the next few years, should Fury retire.

    You’d been lounging in the living room last night, after one of Stark’s infamous parties. You would consider Steve more of a friend than someone you are in charge of. He shares side-eye glances with you at meetings, and he’s had your back more than once on a mission. He’s the one who knows what it feels like to miss so much of your life, to try to connect the past to the future, and how hard it is to decipher who you are now with who you used to be and how the two are somehow combined within the two of you.

Last night at the party, after everyone had gone to bed, you and Steve had been talking- about your pasts, your futures, and everything in between. You confessed that you wanted a family some day, and so does he. You hadn’t really been out on the dating scene much, and neither has he. He knows your favorite food, song, animal, color, and you know his favorite dance, book, memory, author.

    What you still don’t know is why he cupped your face, leaned in and kissed you last night.

    ‘’What do you want to hear from me,’’ Steve questions.

    ‘’I want the truth. I know that you’ve kissed several members of the shield before. Is this just… was that just because you do that? Is that your thing,’’ you fold your arms over your chest, ‘’Because if that’s the case, I’ll drop it like Natasha dropped hints that she is interested in you.’’

    ‘’It was a spur of the moment thing, but it had nothing to do with you the only one around me.’’

    ‘’It seems like that’s what it was,’’ you shrug again, ‘’Because in the two and a half years that I have known you, you’ve never done anything like that.’’

    ‘’You do not get it,’’ Steve lowers his voice, taking your face in his hands ‘’ Do you think this is what I want, to dance around you? You are a very beautiful woman. You are intelligent and courageous and I have had feelings for you for a long time.’’

    ‘’Then what’s the matter,’’ you stare up into crystal blue eyes, closing your own when Steve presses a kiss to your forehead, ‘’Because I care for you, too.’’

    ‘’We both know this is not such a good idea,’’ Steve shifts so that his arms are around you and he is holding you close, ‘’We work together. Our line of work is so dangerous.’’

    ‘’Which is why we should at least give this a try, Steve. I’m not opposed to trying something new if something good can come from it,’’ you smile gently, exposing Steve to a bit of who you are under your toughness, ‘’I think you know that.’’

    ‘’I do,’’ he sighs, pressing another kiss to your hairline, ‘’So what does that mean?’’

    ‘’I would like to give this a chance, Rogers. I’m done not going after what I want I know sometimes you just have to let things be, and let them fall into place. And if this doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. No regrets if we actually try, it, though.’’

    Steve is sponsoring this as you speak, the only sound the voice of Tony walking past, which prompts you to say, ‘’And my dad doesn’t have to know.’’

    Steve tenses then, you  having brought up the very thing that he was worried about, ‘’I don’t want you to think that I am hiding this, so to speak.’’

    ‘’I know you’re not,’’ you pull back to look at him, ‘’Listen. I’m the first one that doesn’t want him to know. So we will keep this to ourselves- that means you won’t tell Bucky, and I won’t tell Wanda..’’

    He considers this. He’s kept so many secrets, hurt people, and lost people. This would be like opening a fresh wound, all over again,

    Perhaps, though, he’s thinking too far into the future. Perhaps there’s a chance that this could actually turn out well for the two of you.

    So it’s with a grin that he kisses you again, taking a chance on something that could actually be good for you.

    Even if it has to be a secret from others for the time being.

    And so it goes for three months. You and Steven for lack of a better phrase, sneak around. It’s kind of invigorating, kind of irritating. You steal kisses before and after every meeting that Nick directs, spar together when no one else using the training facility, have dates down by the river whenever the two of you can manage a free moment away from the others.

    Three months of glances at each other, secret dates, and never blurting a word of the truth to anybody, lest your dad figure out that the two of you are more than friends.

    Even as you sit across from him now,  dressed in your blouse the color of a ripe eggplant and your dress pants, hair slicked back into a low bun, he tries not to stare. You, for your part, try to ignore how good he looks in a suit at this moment.

    ‘’And please, I am begging of you,’’ Fury sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘’Stark, keep your sarcasm to yourself upon this meeting with Dr. Strange and Mr. Wong. I am begging you.’’

    ‘’I’ll keep him in line,’’ you look over to the billionaire, who places his hands in the air in faux-surrender.

    ‘’I’ll behave.’’

    ‘’Of course you will- your wife and Ms. Romanoff will be there. Captain, and you,’’ Fury looks to you, ‘’Please hold back a second. I need to brief you two on your next mission.’’

    You and Steve share a look of confusion while the others leave, preparing for their meeting with Stephen Strange.

    ‘’It seems the two of you enjoy spending time together, so I would like the two of you to work together on this- would anybody like to be so bold as to help me understand why the two of you,’’ Fury points between you and Steve, ‘’Really thought that you could sneak around behind my back and no one would know?’’

    Your eyes widen, and Steve begins to sputter out an answer, ‘’Director Fury, we-’’

    ‘’Do you know whose daughter she is, Captain? Do you know that there are direct orders for herm’’ Nick turns his gaze back to you, ‘’Not to date a part of this team?’’

    ‘’Those are not official orders, and might I add, you have no say so in this,’’ you stand, ‘’We keep this relationship from affecting our work. To my knowledge, you don’t seem to have a problem with the fact that Vision and Wanda are together, that Pietro was practically flirting with the news recruit last month, or that Natasha and Bucky most definitely have feelings for eachother. I expect to be treated as a member of this team.’’

    ‘’You know that you are not like the rest of this team, and you’ve disobeyed director order,’’ he snaps, causing you to stand and slam your hands against the desk of the conference room.

    ‘’I am not a child anymore Nicholas!,’’ you seethe, ‘’I am not a little girl, you don’t get to tell me what to do outside of official orders.’’

    ‘’You seem to forget your place, agent. No matter- you’re right. You’re an adult. Do whatever you want to do, and when he,’’ Fury motions to your boyfriend, ‘’Gets you hurt, don’t you dare come to me. You know that not everybody loves Captain America.’’

    Fury is storming out of the room then, leaving an air of his daistate and your anger behind him as he does.

    Steve waits until he is sure that Fury is at least on the elevator before approaching you, wrapping his arms around you to comfort you, ‘’Honey, are you alright?’’

    ‘’I need some air,’’ you loosen yourself from his embrace, grabbing your things and making a hasty exit, but not before calling out, ‘’I’ll call you later, Steve.’’

    Steve looks at the door after you are gone, not sure if he regrets this decision that the two of you made, this choice to be with eachother even after all of the consequences had been weighed that night by the both of you.

    And all he can think about is that this is his fault because of the mistake he made three months ago.

    Because if Steve Rogers could go back in time, if he could change anything from the past 70 years…

    He never would have dared to kiss Nick Fury’s daughter.

DISCLAIMER- I don’t own any Marvel characters or their fictional worlds, planets, galaxies, cities, etc.

 @ashanti-notthesinger @destinio1 @afraiddreamingandloving @airis-paris14 @syreanne @chaneajoyyy @90sinspiredgirl @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger @skysynclair19 @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21 @supremethunda @thisiskayesworld @mcusocialimagines @priya212  @kumkaniudaku  @airis-paris14 @alexundefined @fonville-designs  @dramaqueenamby  @mellowjellow6 @oceanscorazon @nerd-lovely @fonville-designs @akimi-youngblood @yoyolovesbucky @fd-writes @areubeingserved-too​ @areubeingserved​ @thisbrokencapulet @squeackygee @melidris1  @honeydew-melanin @id-rather-be-an-outsider @andreasworlsboring101

[lunasantcs]

hi hi! it me, leonie ( mariangels mun ), with my second muse luna! unlike mari who’s a total lawful good, luna is more of a mixture of chaotic good and chaotic neutral who’s very much just starting out in life because her mom’s a cray cray rich lady. more on that below, pals. feel free to leave a LIKE and i’ll come to you for plots! OR! feel free to message me on discord at ( emeravdes#9932 ) since i’m not in the gc bc i get overwhelmed very easily. thanks for coming to my ted talk & feel free to read this ridiculously long essay i’ve come up with. <3 @frostfordstart​

TW: MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE

full name: luna raquel santos

nicknames: lu, lulu or raquel (but only her grandparents call her that bc they hate the fact that her parents named her luna lol)

birthday: april 30th

current age: twenty six

sexuality: bisexual, panromantic

personality (+): benevolent, adventurous, free spirited, appreciative, energetic, fun loving

personality (-): sheltered, reckless, outspoken, stubborn, envious, attention seeking

luna was born and raised in frostford to yuliana and marcos santos - both of which are of brazilian roots but their families have been living in the us for decades. her family is rich rich and it stems back for a few decades. don’t ask me how they made their fortune because i actually have no clue as of right now. we working on it.

she was the youngest child and only daughter to yuliana and marcos which meant that she was instantly their pride and joy. their princess. their doll. 

she has two older brothers - jax (32) and santiago (35) - who love their little sister to pieces and have never really been a big fan of the way their mother treats luna,

INCOMING MOMMY ISSUES

yuliana was the kind of girl that wanted to be in pageants growing up but her family never allowed her the chance because they valued education over anything that had to do with glamour despite having the money to blow on the fancy aspects. so! the moment yuliana found out that she was having a daughter, she was ECSTATIC. she could finally get to live the life of pageants that her parents robbed her of and she was thriving.

so comes my baby luna

from the moment she was born, her mother had her in fancy dresses and from the moment that she could walk, yuliana made sure that her daughter could perfect the pageant walk before she could perfect walking like a normal human being. if she did something right, she’d drown luna in affection. if she did something wrong, she’d scowl and tell her to do it again. often times this resulted in her crying - especially when she was still a toddler.

over the course of her childhood, she continued with the pageant life and slowly it became something that she lived and breath. she felt like it was the best way to connect with her mother and a part of her really did have a love for the whole ordeal. for a while. by the time she was eight, her mother essentially had the picture perfect pageant girl and she’d completely forgotten that this girl also needed love and a mother to help her through life.

but her dad? a sweetheart, a gem, the most affectionate dad that she could have ever asked for and she loves him to pieces. calls him every single day. or texts. santos fam group chat is her, marcos, jax, santiago, and her maternal grandparents. ANYWAYS! WE CONTINUE!

despite yuliana’s instance that her kids go to private school, her parents convinced her to just send her kids to public school because it would offer the kids a chance to actually get to know people around town that weren’t in their parents circle of rich idiots. this was luna’s saving grace. in school, she made genuine friendships and she finally found a sense of comfort. 

not that that lasted long because yuliana was instantly up her ass telling her that those kids from school weren’t real friends and that she had to focus on her priorities aka pageants. only pageants. always PAGEANTS. so... that’s exactly what luna did. 

can you tell that her mom is a demon yet? ‘cause we got more!

moving on to high school! things were essentially always the same. luna would go to school, live her life, make some friends but eventually she’d lose said friends because of her mom or because luna put up a wall since she knew that she’d lose them anyways. 

she was in a car accident with her older brother jax when she was sixteen which resulted in her missing a pageant which made yuliana BIG MAD. 

it was in her senior year of high school that yuliana set luna up with one of her friends sons and essentially forced her to be in a relationship with someone she had no connection w/at all. 

she dated this person for a while (again, to make her MOM happy, not herself) up until her mother started talking about getting married which was when luna was like LOL ABORT MISSION and broke up w/the dude. did she like him? sure. but she wasn’t going to get married after high school. no thanks. 

yuliana, naturally, was furious. got mad. was mad for a while. oscar the grouch mad 24/7.

THEN CAME COLLEGE! LUNA WAS FINALLY FREE! well... not really because her mother picked her school for her as well as her major; columbia university with a major in business. why? because she knew people who worked at the school that would be able to keep an eye out on her daughter. 

SOMEHOW? luna still managed to find a sense of freedom the moment she stepped foot onto campus and was away from her mother. she was studying something she hated but she finally could live a life where she didn’t feel like she had to constantly please her mother or worry about falling out of line. it felt amazing.

this was where she discovered hook ups and friends w/benefits and BOI OH BOI was she thriving!

it was in her senior year of college that she had a long talk with her grandparents about what she wanted for herself and where she saw herself going. they wanted what was best for her and that meant getting her out from their own childs clutches who only saw luna as someone to parade around. it took her a while but the words from the talk stayed with luna until she was twenty two and she finally stood up for herself and told her mother NO MAS. 

yuliana was like BITCH WHAT but luna was like YOU HEARD ME even though it was a bit less... blunt that i just made it seem. 

at twenty two, she stopped competing in pageants and went off on an adventure to europe with her grandparents. her grandparents were really only with her for a month as they settled them into a nice place in italy but after that, she was finally happy. 

she lived in italy and traveled around europe until she was twenty five which was when she moved back to frostford because she missed her grandparents, dad and older brothers. when she moved back, her grandparents helped her find a cute little home and she even got herself a red husky named kida - since she’d never been allowed to have a pet before in her life. 

her dad still gives luna anything and everything she could ever want bc we stan a man who watches out for his child but luna also wants to make a life for herself outside of her parents money so she went and got a job. it was harder than she expected but she finally was willing to get one thanks to june diaz so now she’s a waitress at the whole enchilada and has been since she got back a solid year ago. 

did i mention she’s been back one year? i feel like i should have mentioned it somewhere above but oh whale. 

her new found freedom (its new even after four years OKAY) has also left her with a bit of a reckless streak. she is, in fact, a lot to handle at times and there’s other times where she falls back into that docile behavior her mom basically morphed into her. so... yeah!

FUN FACTS!

she wanted to be a cheerleader in high school but her mother was like NOT ON MY WATCH YOUNG LADY

her very first shift working at the whole enchilada resulted in her accidentally dropping a customers food on the floor and getting yelled at which resulted in her hiding in the bathroom to cry

she’s fluent in english, portugese, italian and french

she’s a flirty drunk which means she will probs try to get w/you if she’s drunk. unless you’re taken bc she knows her boundaries and she says NO to taken men. 

anything she does regarding men is mainly to spite her mother bc she doesn’t really think she’s capable of falling in love. thanks to her mom basically making her feel worthless all her life :)

she’s a harry potter nerd and spiritually identifies as hufflepuff with slytherin tendencies even though pottermore told her 12 times that she is, in fact, a gryffindor. but she refuses to accept that. nope. not happening. 

her hair is currently dyed a lavender purple. it’s almost always lavender purple. just assume it’s that color 24/7 lol. 

CONNECTIONS!

i put together a wanted connections page for luna but it’s probs gonna get reworked like... two more times because i’m a perfectionist and am obsessed with providing too much detail. too much for my own good imma be hoe-nest. but feel free to hit me with anything! KTHNXBYELOVEYOULOTS<3

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.6

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in the remainder of chapter 4’s free time, it was Issues Central, as we learned more of Maki’s mercilessly cruel backstory, then hung out with Kaito for the final time in our last chance before everything falls apart and lengthily discussed how badly he needs Shuichi to rely on him right now, since his final FTE managed to be delightfully full of his issues beneath the surface despite him not talking about himself in it at all.

Now for slightly fewer issues and slightly more plot.

*ding-dong!* *ding-dong!*

Shuichi:  (The doorbell? Is it Kaito or Maki looking for me?)

Come on, Shuichi, you should know by now that that won’t be Kaito; the doorbell didn’t ring like a million times.

But unfortunately, it’s Miu. At least Shuichi deliberately ignored all of the vulgar nonsense she spouted at him and insisted she get to the point, which is that he should go to the computer room.

Himiko’s lingering just outside the computer room door.

Himiko:  “I just remembered… how Tenko would always grab my hand and pull me along at times like this…”

Aww. She was mostly just irritated by it while Tenko was alive, but now she’s starting to appreciate that Tenko was always there for her.

Apparently all the armchairs in the computer room were brought here by Kokichi while helping Miu prepare, but where the hell did he get them from?

Kokichi:  “Doesn’t it smell like something fun is gonna happen instead?”

Nobody is here to have fun, Kokichi. Nobody except for Monokuma, and you, apparently.

Kaito:  “You always seem to show up for stuff like this. I’ve got you figured out…”

It’s a bit much for Kaito to be saying this since everyone showed up for it. I guess what he’s really getting at is the fact that Kokichi showed up for this despite having not showed up to breakfast, meaning he only cares about doing stuff as a group when it seems like something bad might happen and not to actually co-operate and escape. That’s still only Kaito having Kokichi partially figured out, though.

I’m, again, not going to quote any of the stuff Kokichi is saying to Miu, but suffice it to say that this is how he figured out he can manipulate her, and presumably how he got her to make all of the contraptions (that he’s still not telling anyone about because lol what’s escaping that’s boring let me kill two people instead).

Gonta:  “Gonta understand! Exit is in that kon-poo-ter box! So we gotta break it open and go in!?”

Oh, Gonta. He’s still trying his hardest. Of course he wouldn’t know what a computer is, let alone the concept of virtual realities.

Everyone is quite rightly suspicious of Miu’s proposal.

Miu:  “Am I… really that untrustworthy?”

I mean, yes. You’ve not shown any signs of being willing to co-operate this entire time and have been generally unpleasant to everyone. If you don’t trust everyone else, they’re not going to trust you either.

Maki:  “So it separates the consciousness from the body… If that’s possible, then… No… it’s nothing.”

It really feels like Maki’s supposed to be thinking about something interesting and relevant to her issues here, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what it could be. (If it were Kaito saying this, then that’d be one thing, but.) Any ideas are welcomed.

Gonta:  “We all gonna sleep and have same dream? That possible?”

That’s basically it, Gonta! That’s the most accurate way of describing it that uses concepts he’s familiar with. See, he’s trying his best to understand.

This also means that when he wakes up and claims to have “had strange dream”, it’s very easy to assume he’s talking about his experience of going to the Virtual World.

Himiko:  “So an avatar is another body… But I like this one. This body made my soul, and my soul made this body…”

Ha. Oh, dear. I have some bad news for you about that, Himiko.

Kokichi:  “Hey, let’s trust Miu! We should trust in our friends more anyway!”

Oh my god, Kokichi, you are so transparent every single time you do this to try and make everyone’s words along similar lines sound just as empty as yours. I’m almost glad we’re close to the point where he stops having any opportunities to do this because I’m pretty sure I’ve been sounding like a broken record about this for the past four chapters.

Kokichi:  “I mean, Monokuma created this world, right? Maybe he laid a bait to lure us in! Like… a super duper crazy secret hidden in that world!”

Kokichi is not being very subtle about the fact that he’s working with Monokuma on this.

Also, please note that Monokuma’s bait is the only reason everyone decides that it’s worth taking the risk and checking out the Virtual World. If all Kokichi wanted was to not get killed by Miu, he would have simply had to not do anything at all and nobody would have even gone inside the Virtual World to give her a chance to kill him in the first place. Miu’s plan was running under the rather idiotic assumption that everyone would trust her and believe that the Virtual World was worth checking out even if there wasn’t anything of value in there. It would never have happened at all if Kokichi hadn’t helped it along.

Shuichi:  “Kokichi… what’s going on here? Did you know this all along? That Monokuma is hiding a secret in the virtual world?”

Seems like Shuichi has picked up on Kokichi’s lack of subtlety. It’s just not possible to be sure about this until Kokichi actually admits it.

Kokichi:  “Maybe with that info, we could even put an end to this killing game.”

Gonta:  “Huh!? We can end killing game!? Then Gonta will go!”

Oh god, of course Kokichi knew exactly what to say to get Gonta to decide to go. All this stuff about virtual realities and secrets is lost on him, but ending the killing game makes perfect sense.

Keebo decides to go because his inner voice is telling him to. Yeah, they probably know something exciting and murdery is likely to happen in there, don’t they.

Keebo:  “I have always obeyed that voice, and I will continue to do so.”

He’s not even aware of how sketchy it is that he’s unquestioningly obeying this voice without even knowing where it comes from.

Kaito also makes up his mind, but for a… somewhat different reason.

Kaito:  “Call it a man’s curiosity!!!”

Maki:  “The idiot’s at it again…”

Kaito:  “Wh-When a man loses his curiosity, he ages! Curiosity is what moves a man!”

It’s actually kind of adorable (and again, not remotely inherently masculine) that Kaito also connects curiosity to his concept of manliness. Of course that’s something he has a lot of and values a lot – that’s part of why he wants to go into space, after all! – so he considers it part of his idea of “the best person you could possibly be”!

This particular instance also highlights something which has been the case most of the rest of the time too, which is that Kaito’s concept of manliness is really just a thing he has for himself. He’s not inflicting it on others and trying to insist that everyone should be showing manly curiosity right now. He’s just saying it because this is something that’s personally important to him. Just like Gonta isn’t ever trying to tell anyone else that they should be a gentleman.

Maki:  “You can stop talking now, but… I guess I’ll be an idiot too.”

Maki’s comment last chapter that she finds men talking about manliness to be gross is finally relevant to the actual situation at hand, heh.

(Even though Kaito’s concept of manliness isn’t at all gross like a lot of concepts of it can be. Subjectively annoying, maybe, and that’s clearly the only real problem Maki has with it here, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay curious.)

I also like Maki just accepting that she’s going to be an idiot along with him. She’s a lot more willing to just roll with Kaito’s “idiocy” at this point. He may be an idiot, but whoops, looks like he’s her idiot now.

Shuichi:  “Kokichi… are you planning something?”

Kokichi:  “Ah-haha, of course not. After Kaito punched me, I became a changed man.”

This is proof that Kokichi knows full well that Kaito punching him was not just an act of violence and was really an attempt to get through to him and stop him doing precisely the kind of thing that he’s about to do right here. Yet Kokichi chose to completely ignore what Kaito was trying to say to him and do this anyway. He is very consciously, wilfully avoiding all possible avenues out of this that would lead to him not becoming a double murderer. So even knowing that he has reasons for doing this that aren’t him purely being evil, it’s still very hard for me to sympathise with Kokichi at all. This isn’t an unavoidable tragedy. He’s choosing this for himself.

Himiko:  “O-Okay… so I hold my chopsticks in my right hand, so…”

NO HIMIKO DON’T SAY IT. You just turned the 50/50 chance that this will be even more heartbreaking than it needs to be into a certainty.

(You can even see Gonta looking at Himiko in this illustration if you look closely.)

Chibi avatars, activate!

Kaito:  “But… it feels weird. I can move this avatar like I could my own body, right? And with this body, I don’t have to worry about all that stuff…”

I thought you said you didn’t have any worries, Kaito.

It really must feel incredibly refreshing for him to suddenly be in a body that isn’t dying on him. He’s so surprised by genuinely feeling fine that he almost lets everything slip. Perhaps it’s because this feeling is a positive one, and while Kaito has a constant, unyielding mental filter to prevent himself from unthinkingly voicing anything remotely negative about how he’s feeling, positive thoughts like this don’t get caught by that filter in the same way.

Shuichi:  “What stuff?”

Kaito:  “Uh… no, it’s nothing.”

More stuff for Shuichi to file in the “don’t think about that because that’s too worrying a truth” section of his brain.

Maki:  “…I want to go back.”

I like how this is the very first thing Maki says upon appearing here. Extremely Done Maki Roll™: now in chibi form!

Kokichi hitting Keebo to prove that their avatars feel pain is possibly done with the intent of backing up his assumption that they really will die in here if they experience pain that would have been fatal. But he’s also just taking the opportunity to be a robophobic asshole.

Kokichi:  “Even if they are avatars, I could never hit a *person*!”

Kokichi explicitly, inarguably sees Keebo as less than a person even though Keebo is clearly a person to anyone who spends ten seconds talking with him. How is everyone so okay with this.

Kokichi:  “And since it won’t leave any bruises, you can hit all you want!”

Keebo:  “That’s a bully’s twisted logic.”

Kokichi is clearly, literally a bully, how is everyone so okay with this.

Kaito:  “Information from our five senses here is sent to our real bodies… But it seems like information from our real bodies isn’t sent to our consciousness here.”

How would you know that, Kaito? It’s almost like there’s sensory information from your real body that you’re expecting to be sent to your consciousness right now.

I really, really like that this line exists to establish that Kaito’s real body is in constant pain at this point, since that’s not something Kaito would ever directly admit to but is very important information that I’m very glad we have.

Kaito:  “If that’s the case, then… it’s fine, but…”

He seems worried, probably about the possibility that his real body could be getting even worse while he’s here without him being able to know or do anything about it. What if his body involuntarily coughed up blood while he’s in here and everyone woke up to see him covered in it? That would be unacceptable.

Fun fact: the assets used for the chibi avatars in game aren’t actually 3D models but are just a series of flat sprites and animations made out of 3D models turned to different angles. I know this because they just mirrored Kaito again rather than giving him different ones for each side. Also, perhaps even more noticeably, Shuichi’s protagonist hair suddenly flips the direction it’s pointing in when you move him from facing down to facing down-left.

Gonta:  “But how we even get here? Gonta not feel anyone pick him up. And we got here so fast…”

His own understanding of this as a shared dream should be enough for Gonta to appreciate that they didn’t have to physically come here. So I guess the fact that he’s experiencing this a lot more vividly than he would experience a dream makes him think it can’t be that and be confused again?

Gonta:  “N-No! If Gonta not strong, Gonta no can protect everyone!”

Oh no poor Gonta this world just took away the one thing he had that made him feel like he could be useful if the opportunity arose.

Gonta:  “Hey, who Gonta gotta talk to to get strong again!?”

There’s someone on the end of that phone who’ll do it for you, Gonta. Just pick it up, say “Gonta Gokuhara wants to be strong again,” and then everything will be just fine.

Kokichi:  “You guys better not cheat by logging out alone!”

I wouldn’t be surprised if Kokichi already suspects that Miu is planning to frame someone by forcing them to log out alone.

Maki:  “I’m guessing… because it’s programmed like that for the killing game simulator. They want to see what kind of killing game it’ll be when no one has their special talent.”

The strength-equalisation only nerfs people whose talents involve being physically strong, though, giving the ones with intellectual talents an advantage. (…Not that the distribution of talents for a killing game was ever particularly fair in the first place, since some are inherently more useful than others regardless.)

Kokichi:  “By the way, Miu, you prepared these maps yourself… not Monokuma, right?”

Miu:  “Th-That’s right… I prepared the maps. What about it…?”

Kokichi:  “No, it’s nothing. I just wanted to know.”

Shuichi:  (What…? There was something off about Miu’s response…)

Kokichi deliberately asked this to give Shuichi a hint that’ll help him figure out the truth later. If Shuichi didn’t know this, he might never be able to figure out the true nature of the Virtual World, and Gonta could well get away with murder. Kokichi is actively trying to sabotage the mercy kill outcome, even before the murder happens.

Kokichi:  “I was gonna go investigate alone. There’s a lot of interesting stuff I wanna check out.”

Kaito:  “Hey… Like hell am I gonna let you do whatever you want.”

Kaito can tell that Kokichi is probably planning something bad and is trying to make an effort to stop it.

Kokichi:  “I’m going, no matter what you guys say. Well, it’d be a hassle if someone kept watch over me—”

Kaito:  “Kept watch?”

Gonta:  “Gonta not understand what’s going on. Gonta not sure how helpful he can be… But Gonta can watch Kokichi so he not do anything weird!”

And Kokichi knows exactly what he’s doing and deliberately manipulates Gonta’s desire to help to get him to come along.

Kokichi:  “Gonta, you’re so sweet… but I knew you would say that.”

DAMN RIGHT YOU KNEW HE’D SAY THAT YOU MANIPULATIVE SOON-TO-BE-MURDERER.

Kokichi:  “You’d make a terrific bodyguard!”

Like he’s trying to tell himself that what he’s about to do is only because Gonta will be protecting him from Miu’s attempt to kill him. It is not. There is absolutely no conceivable way in which this is self-defence.

Gonta:  “It’s okay! Leave it to Gonta! Gonta keep eye on Kokichi!”

NO GONTA DON’T GO WITH HIM

Just like everything else about what Gonta’s about to do here, even this part is driven by Gonta being desperate to be even a tiny bit useful. God damnit.

Kaito:  “Geez… he really knows how to manipulate people. Well, whatever.”

Kaito can perfectly well tell that Kokichi deliberately manipulated Gonta into coming with him for some reason… but then he just brushes it off and doesn’t try to do anything about it, because there’s no way Kokichi’d be able to manipulate Gonta into doing anything truly bad, right? It’s Gonta! Kaito believes in him! Gaaah.

At this point, you can wander around and go into the bathroom to find the toilet paper in there. Shuichi even muses about how it won’t break.

When everyone comes out onto the rooftop, most of them just walk straight out, but Kaito goes wheeeee all the way around the rooftop in a big circle. He’s such an excited kid and I love that they even got that across with the very limited chibi avatars.

Kaito:  “Whoa! It’s snow! Look, Maki Roll! It’s snow! Look! Snow!”

Maki:  “Are you a dog?”

Yes, he is, Maki. He is a very good dog.

Also of note is the way Kaito specifically addresses Maki – not her and Shuichi, just her – and tries to bring her into his excitement. Even in the midst of his ridiculous dogginess, he’s still thinking about helping her by reminding her of the fun kid things she would have done in her normal life before she was an assassin.

Kaito:  “It’s snow, Shuichi! It’s snow! Snow! It’s piling up everywhere! Look!”

Shuichi:  “Y-Yeah!” (He really is like an excited puppy…)

I love that Shuichi agrees about Kaito being a dog.

(Kaito’s addressing Shuichi here because I had Shuichi talk to him directly, so my point just now still stands.)

Maki:  “How can you get so excited over snow? You’re not a kid anymore…”

Kaito:  “Hey, Maki Roll. Men are… living things that must cherish their playful heart! If they lose that, they’ll age!”

Maki:  “…I thought you said when men lose their curiosity, they’ll age.”

Kaito:  “Yeah, they’re both important! A man’s got a lot to remember!”

Kaito is such a wonderful dork. Not only does his concept of manliness include curiosity, it also includes playfulness. Those are both things usually associated with children – so it’s really neat that Kaito understands that they’re not inherently childish and sees them as important enough to be included in his idea of being a “man”. If someone wasn’t able to be curious about things and to let themselves have fun, they’d be boring and stagnant, and that’s not the kind of person who’s going to help humanity make its way into space! No wonder he was disappointed to have to reveal the secret of Himiko’s magic back in case 2. No wonder he kept insisting that those stories of his adventures as a kid were totally real!

When you think of characters in this game who are all about having fun, you’d usually think of Kokichi. But Kaito also understands the importance of letting yourself have fun – arguably better than Kokichi does, since Kaito’s idea of fun doesn’t come at the expense of other people.

Kaito:  “Isn’t that right, bro?”

Shuichi:  “I… don’t know how to respond to that.”

Also, this is the only instance of Kaito trying to bring someone else other than Gonta into his idea of manliness, except for when he punched Shuichi after trial 1, in which he was not thinking clearly at all. Probably this time it’s because he’s got so caught up in his excitement that he’s not thinking clearly for an entirely different reason. I like how Shuichi’s just awkwardly like “leave me out of this, I’m not as ridiculous as you”.

Shuichi:  “That reminds me of a study I once read… People were told they were going to be splashed with hot water, but cold water was used instead. But their minds were so convinced, their bodies reacted as if the water was boiling.”

Tsumugi:  “Oh, I’ve heard of something like that before, too.”

I’m sure you have, Tsumugi, because something like that was used in Danganronpa 2 in an attempt to justify why the victims would have died in real life. That didn’t make sense in the way it does in this game, though, because the argument here is that the body would die (from the brain dying of shock), whereas in Danganronpa 2, the bodies were still perfectly functional and the game was only trying to argue that their consciousnesses inside the virtual reality had somehow completely died even though they had no body to die with.

Once you’re outside the mansion, you’re completely free to run around everywhere on that half of the map. Which is a bit awkward, because Kokichi and Gonta should be somewhere out there right now, but they’re not anywhere to be found in the game. Soooo I guess Shuichi wasn’t dicking around like the players might be and just headed straight to the bridge.

The chibi avatars have a bunch of small idle animations, one of which, if they’re outside, is shivering with cold. It’s pretty cute.

Maki:  “It’s really piled up outside. Kaito would be excited for all this snow. I bet he would make a snowman or something…”

Maki has a sad expression as she says this. Looks like Kaito really did manage to get her to remember her normal life back at the orphanage.

(It’s got to be heartbreaking for Shuichi and Maki the first time they experience real snow once they’re living relatively normal lives outside the killing game, thinking about how much Kaito would have loved it if he were with them. But maybe they’d still be able to make the most of it and honour Kaito’s childlike excitement for snow anyway.)

“Mirai Hills”, says the signboard. Totally not a reference. At least this one is gen two, not gen one, which makes sense given where we are.

I appear to have glitched the game somehow and have this non-stop sound effect of footsteps going on in the background, even when nobody’s walking. Good thing that’s not an in-universe phenomenon; that’d confuse things even more on top of all the other weird stuff about how this world works.

Kokichi and Gonta return, which means that poor Gonta is in despair and miserably believing that the only way to save everyone now is to keep quiet about what he knows and try to mercy-kill them all.

Kaito:  “Where were you and what were you doing?”

Kaito immediately angrily demands this. He’s still doing his best to keep an eye on Kokichi and stop him from doing anything drastic.

Kokichi:  “Oh, I was in the forest looking for the secret of the outside world. But unfortunately I couldn’t find it… Welp, I wasn’t expecting it to be that easy anyway. …Right, Gonta?”

Gonta:  [with a sad expression] “Yeah…”

But Kaito doesn’t question this, because if Gonta is backing up Kokichi’s claim that they didn’t find anything then surely it’s got to be the truth after all. Obviously Gonta wouldn’t lie to them, right?

Gonta is being very quiet and subdued now. But perhaps Kaito isn’t quite able to pick up on that and realise something’s off because the less nuanced expressions on the avatars mean his intuition doesn’t work as well in here. If all he can see is that Gonta is sad and not precisely what kind of sadness it is, it makes sense that he could just be sad they didn’t find anything. Now there’s a neat way in which the Virtual World nerfs talents other than just making strong people weaker.

It would have been neat if the in-universe loading zone worked in the same way as an out-universe loading screen, to sort of lean on the fourth wall a bit. But it makes sense they couldn’t do it that way, because there’s out-universe loading screens between the different rooms of the buildings, but sound can still travel between them so they can’t possibly have in-universe loading zones.

Kokichi disappears through the loading point for a moment and comes back telling us that it cuts off sound, but I wonder how he confirmed that. I’m picturing him yelling something to insult Kaito, not getting a retort, and going “welp, he definitely didn’t hear me”.

Kokichi:  “Well, I’m gonna go on ahead theeeeen.”

[Kokichi goes on ahead along with a silent Gonta]

Kaito:  “Hey, don’t just go on ahead! I don’t trust you being off alone all by yourself!”

Kaito is still doing his best to keep an eye on Kokichi and prevent a disaster! He has no idea that’s it’s already basically too late. (It’s also interesting that he says he doesn’t trust Kokichi alone even though Gonta had gone with him. Apparently he still doesn’t think that Kokichi alone with Gonta is the safest of options if it can be avoided.)

---

[Next post]

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Free! S3

I will never get tired of Makoto offering Haru a hand out of the water

OMG I guess some things do change Makoto’s been dunked and I kinda love it

“I’m never gonna be a normal person” wow who is this this Goth Diet Haru

I love the phrase “hot minute” actually thank u for ur teen slang Asahi

Offering people his lecture notes and texting back right away will anyone ever be as good as Makoto? Trick question no

“I’m still young and innocent” “That’s a weird thing to say” I love that Haru’s meeting a bunch of people who aren’t used to his antics

This flashback seems to indicate that Haru felt Some Kinda Way about Ikuya which is weird because they look almost the same

“Don’t worry too much about the family” LMAO Sosuke has received a blessing from his cousin to follow Rin to Australia 

“Just inferior copies of Ikuya” that’d be more meaningful if Ikuya had done anything other than stare broodingly

It’s telling that the Iwatobi team is dressed like the Wiggles in this outro

All this outro really told me is that they aren’t really that good at differentiating main character design

“We have to try not to spoil them too much” I approve of Ikuya’s brother and his co-parenting buddy

“I’m not going to move ever again,” said Asahi, with the full confidence of a twelve-year-old boy who knows absolutely nothing about anything

Okay but for real Ikuya and Haru straight up look like siblings this weird rivalry energy on top of that fact is a little bit Much

[Rose and Rosie voice] It’ll never work out their hair is the same colour  

“Is Haru the guy who was all dressed up and riding a camel in the recruiting video we saw?” UNBELIEVABLE their Arabian Nights outro from S1 was actually their recruitment video Iwatobi do u take constructive criticism

“I’ll even be good enough to compete against you” how many rivals does one young man really need my god

Hey Trenchcoat Man maybe introduce yourself before telling these teens how to live their lives

Dude you’re so controlling trying to prevent Ikuya from seeing his friends

Ahhhhh I love Haru being in touch with his emotions and apologizing to Ikuya tbh I give Makoto and Rin a lot of the credit for his ability to communicate lmao 

“I’d prefer you didn’t keep him too long” listen I get where you might be coming from since Haru hurt Ikuya’s feelings but also stop that

“Thought I’d give you a wake-up call” I really don’t like the vibe of Hiyori

“Japanese guy! Friend of yours, maybe?” An accurate representation of what it’s like to hang out with white people lmao

There’s a different vibe from a teenager who giggles about swimmers’ muscles to an adult swim coach who is coaching swimming at a university giggling about swimmers’ muscles put that away Mikhail

Hiyori gives me the straight up heebie jeebies every time he opens his mouth

I can’t read Japanese but I have to assume Rin was gonna call Haru and reminisce about their bed sharing night lmao

Natsuya is some kinda Swimming Capitalist Nomad I’m not mad about it

“How many of these dreams do you have?” that’s valid lmao Rin has #calledout for being a rival slut

“His face told me that what matters most to him is not here” I can’t tell if this is a reference to Ikuya or to Natsuya’s white-haired rival-friend-boyfriend-probably

You know what, in the context of this show: Boyfriend 

“Hey, calm down. Listen, Archerfish--” HARU PLS

I don’t know Misae but the fact she calls her boyfriend Archerfish has already won me over

Hiyori would you fucking stop interfering this isn’t fair to Ikuya

“Ikuya’s too busy to waste his time reminiscing on childish things” well that should be Ikuya’s decision shouldn’t it like not 2 get 2 real but this is all the markers of an abusive relationship if someone does this to you please tell someone

God this stubbly weird man and his ominous advice STILL without any introduction 

“I’m getting sick of hearing you speak for Ikuya like you’re his damn boss” ME TOO ASAHI

YOU CANNOT DECIDE WHO IKUYA’S FRIENDS ARE HIYORI YOU ABSOLUTE SHITPRETZEL 

HA Ikuya knows you’ve been giving the boys the runaround fuckweasel

“If I swim with Tono, maybe it’ll help me understand him” Makoto coming after jerks with his best weapon: empathy <3

“People you swim with all seem to end up suffering, don’t they” LISTEN YOU ASSBANANA IT’S NOT HARU’S FAULT THAT PEOPLE GET OBSESSED WITH HIM HE’S JUST A GOOD SWIMMER

Omg I enjoy the drama of Sosuke interacting with the one (1) person in Japan who has seen Rin lately 

“I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed there isn’t a single pudgy person here” like I know this is probably gonna be a running gag for their opposite body preferences but it’s also a self-burn for the creators of this show only drawing different scales of one body type

I really do love that Rei is swim team captain now my boy has come so far

Oh Romio is there anyone in this swim universe that doesn’t have some kind of Traumatizing Swim Experience 

“Think about what your reason for jumping in is” Sosuke’s advice sounds like beautiful nonsense I don’t know how that’s supposed to help him concentrate on start times

Lmao I love this Overbearing Friend Gesture of Shizuru and Nagisa putting seaweed on Romio and Rei’s plates without asking kjhfkghfghfk

“Actually, if you don’t mind, we have a proposition” $500 says that Nagisa and Rei are about to propose a relay race

Update from 8 minutes later: Someone owes me $500

“Can you tell how proud I am?” Natsuya is such a good big brother <3

 Hahahaha “a guy he wants to swim with again some day” Natsuya is also a good wingman for Rin lmao

Based on his inner monologue Sosuke should also be a swimming coach except in the vein of Cryptic Trench Coat Stubble Man who just offers random unsolicited advice to any teenage swimmer he passes by in the street 

“I’m so proud of you” jgjhgjhg Shizuru I love you and your tears for Romio

What kind of child welfare laws are there in Japan that Hiyori’s parents were allowed to just leave him alone in the park

“When I saw [Haru] again, the weakness I thought I left behind came flooding back to me” the moral of this story is that competitive swimming makes you gay

Ikuya used to be fun and sweet lmao what made you so broody my dude

Lmao @ Hiyori being mad that Ikuya thinks of Haru as his Prince Eric instead of him 

Wow I love Nao being a guiding force for this group of nerds

“I’m not hearting anything for you” Asahi understands Stranger Danger

It took Ryuji a solid six eps to even get a name u’d expect him to have a more important character connection than Rin’s Swim Coach’s Rival

“Then you should start swimming other stuff” I Love Misaki, Adopted Child of Haru and Makoto 

Well this wistful playground vibe has taken a strange turn

“It’s none of your damn business okay!!” TONO JUST GOT DUMPED HA

KJGHKJGH THE RAGE IN HARU’S VOICE ABOUT THE MACKEREL

Ryuji: He can just buy me dinner or something. I’m not picky. As long as it’s not mackerel

Haru [through gritted teeth]: I’m ready when you are

AH I LOVE KISUMI AND ASAHI BABYSITTING TSUKUSHI

“After all we’ve been through, why does it have to be like this?” U MADE IT LIKE THIS HIYORI

HAHAHAHAH Makoto and Ryuji had a standoff of wills and Ryuji lost

“Maybe it’s time for you to approach things more seriously” Nao has declared it’s time to stop sowing your wild oats and settle down Natsuya

Kazuma only shows up to remind Sosuke he is free to run away to swim whenever

“Hope you’re well” “Hey relax I’m not your dad” [Natsuya immediately begins acting like their dad]

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHH GO HARU LEADING HIS CATEGORY

“I don’t think he’s all that bad of a guy” that’s Stockholm Syndrome Ikuya

I’m glad Ikuya is finally fucking having a meaningful conversation with his friends

“In the water I’m alone. No one’s gonna save me” Get therapy Ikuya!!!

Wow Haru joining a race purely to have an Emotional Confrontation with Ikuya is some kinda growth I’m just not sure what exactly

“That guy’s the only one anyone ever talks about” to be fair if your sample size is Iwatobi swimmers they are all a little in love with him

“That’s our BOYYYYYYYYYY” Aw Asahi <3 

Ghjkghk I love Makoto teasing Haru for being Ikuya’s hero

“Oh, you’re wise now?” AWWWW Ikuya is fun again good for him

 I know that Ikuya reaching out in friendship to Hiyori is supposed to be a sign of emotional security but I haven’t forgiven him for the way he’s manipulated Ikuya!!! Ur a seawitch not a Prince Eric!!! >:((((

I’m super thrown about them going straight from the qualifiers to the next race what will the last four episodes of this season be about

“I’ve been giving myself pep talks in the mirror. ‘I am a genius. I am a genius.’” HAHAHAHA I LIKE FUN IKUYA

“Looks like you beat me” “Just in free” Haru has released Ikuya into the universe for Hiyori and I don’t like it (for Ikuya’s sake) but that’s how it be I guess

How many siblings are there in the Mikoshiba family lmao there’s a new one every season 

“But gender doesn’t mean anything in a competition” I like u Lady Mikoshiba

“You mean you were Russian this whole time??” this is a lot to digest

I LOVE RIN’S PUDGY CAT STEVE LOL IS IT THE SAME IN JAPANESE

“The water likes you. I can tell” ALBERT PLS, Haru is already FULL-UP on homoerotic swim relationships

It’s killing me that they keep cutting to Makoto like Haru’s cheating on him though

Not to undermine the subplot of these last three episodes but hasn’t Haru... lost races before hgkjhgk

“I thought something soft and cute would help balance out that scary face of yours” omg STOP this cuteness 

Gghkhgk these flashbacks and Rin crying over Sosuke’s surgery are SO cute I never thought I would feel so proud of Rin way back in S1 he’s grown so much!!

Makoto being surrounded by ladybugs and butterflies like a wholeass Disney Prince

WHY are ALL of these swimming weirdos SOMEONE’S UNCLE

“You’re still as weird as ever, Haru’s the exact same way” I should start tracking how long in a conversation it takes characters to bring up Haru

Gnjghkjhg Makoto gets through to Haru in 0.5 seconds after two weeks of him ignoring his own coach. The power of fish metaphors and Love™

Kinda seems like they are setting it up like Makoto will also get to travel the world for swimming and let me say... I’m not mad about it

Update from like 2 minutes later: I WAS RIGHT

“That’s the evil king who wanted the magic lamp” the Arabian Nights references kill me every time 

Djkhdkjhd Ryuji labelling Mikhail in his phone as “Muscle Freak” that’s tru friendship

“You should say, ‘I’m totes hip with the kids, yo’” Ryuji pls 

“You’re so cute, you must be Iwatobi’s famous Kou” KHGKHGKJHKJ 3/3 MIKOSHIBA KNOCKOUT KOU

Awwwww Rei is so nervous for nationals my sweet baby boy

I ADORE that Rin and Haru are literally running across the city right before their most important meet bc they want to see their friends swim 

Rrgjhgr the one and only backstory in this show is former childhood friends and it applies to every single character

OMG Rei get his own flashback but with his boy Nagisa I love it

“I think he’d make a good rival for you actually” Makoto Tachibana: Rival Matchmaker

GOOD JOB BOYS U DID GOOD (ALSO TEAM PHOTO I WEEP)

“Try not to cry when I beat you” SOSUKEEEEEEEEEE

Wow this final episode is already clutching at my heart right out of the gate baby Haru 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Makoto letting four more boys pile into his one bedroom for the night bc he’s the Best Boy Alive

HJGHJKGH THIS EXCHANGE 

Mikhail: That’s what I call ‘totes hip with the kids’

Nearby youths: [Giggling]

Mikhail: [Soft indignant gasp] Ryuji!!

Natsuya and Ikuya have the cutest sibling relationship gjkghk THEY

The theme of this season is people hugging each other and crying over the lanes and I LOVE THAT 4 THEM

Rin and Haru and Makoto........... are good boys

“What is this, some kind of teen drama” that is exactly it, Rin

“He won’t stop talking about stupid crap like friendship and bonds” I love three (3) boys

Bonus: Out of Order Liveblog of Free! Take Your Marks + S3E0

Haru dropping his pants in Makoto’s apartment without the immediate context of them being near water was the most high stakes moment in this entire anime I had no idea where that was going

Haru leaving his apartment hunting until the day before he moves: Mood

Sidenote: Makoto and Haru going apartment hunting is domestic as HELL I love it

“The two of you are inseparable, huh?” “We’re friends, deal with it.” Let people be gay Kisumi 

Lmao @ Nagisa and Rei’s yoga pose video Iwatobi is the cutest swim team in the world 

“Then one day even those tears will dry out in the Tokyo desert” who hurt you, Ms. Amakata 

“Allow me to welcome you to Tokyo, the city where love and lust intertwine” Free! Love and Lust could really be a subtitle of this anime lmao

“I’m talking about the whole bunkbed situation, you know, top and bottom” lmao shout-out to Sloane for that one art

I love the wordless communication between Makoto and Haru (and for that matter, Sosuke and Rin) I’m so glad they worked things out

I’m also happy Rin and Kou are cool now they used to have quite a gap

“Rin wasn’t that honest with himself” rjghg Rin and Haru miss each other

“This is the one,” said Haru, next to Makoto, His Completely Platonic Best Friend Who Dreams About Them Sharing An Apartment and Dropping Trou

I LOVE STEVE THE FAT CAT. AN ICON. A BEAUTY. CHUNKY BABY

“The treasure is inside the red shark’s mouth” there is DEFINITELY a Rin joke to be made here and the writers knew it

I don’t know what I love about this more that Aii and Momo are TERRIBLE at scheming or that that they are throwing Rin and Sosuke together on White Day lmao

This team vacation... Sosuke giggling bc he was tickled... !!!!!!! THANKS

I’m loving all these teams getting presents for each other jkhgkjg

Oh am I finally going to understand this Momo and Capybara backstory

Lol @ Natsuya pouring his heart abt Nao to Sosuke wholly unsolicited

“What were you about to ask” “Oh, not anything important (I’ll wait for you Sosuke)”

OHHHHHHHHHH THE CHARM BACKSTORY SOSUKEEEEEEEEEE

Oh Christ alive am I about to watch the Arabian Nights recruitment film

Hhhgjgjhg I gather the only reason Haru got his license was to compete with Rin

“I’m the evil king who is after the lamp for his own selfish reasons” I hate this... but also... I love this???

“I am a mysterious peddler. I travel carrying mysterious bundles. While riding atop of my mysterious partner Chappy the Camel” HARU STOP

OH MAKOTO HONEY U POOR SOUL JHGKHFKJGH 

“Makoto. When I’m nervous I think about mackerel” I am going to expire

“I think the three of you should implement your own version of it” Fhjkhgk Haru is telling them to exploit their bodies for school recruitment but also that’s not really anything new so fair enough

Nagisa: Rei is Perfect Killer Muscles Handsome in my heart!!!!!!

“Maybe I’m never going to understand him” Omg @ The Jilted Middle School Exes of Haru Club

“How David had to give up his love.... And then Veronica, knowing they couldn’t see each other anymore” call me crazy but I think Rin is projecting his own issues onto A Rat’s Life LMAO

Tjehjkhkje Sosuke needing to call Rin bc he got lost on his way to the bathroom... Useless Husband Energy

HAHAH Rin is so upset thinking Momo and Kou are dating

At least Rin recognizes that he doesn’t get to decide who Kou dates he can only express his approval or disapproval

“Momotaru Mikoshiba is a man who lives by passion” gjhgjhg stop this

“Rin would never lose to a persimmon, ever!” MAKOTO R U OK

“You are not less than a persimmon!” THESE BOYS. U R SO DUMB BUT ALSO GET U A FRIEND LIKE THE IWATOBI SWIM CLUB

“It’s cool if you need to cry” “If you stay in the pool no one will ever notice your tears” I LOVE SOSUKE AND HARU TEAMING UP TO TEASE RIN

I also deeply appreciate that even though I’ve never heard their Japanese voices I know exactly who is saying what line in this outro just by dialogue and tone of voice

+

“I have a crippling fear of mascot costumes” “Then why did you take this job” kjhgkjhgkjh if that isn’t a work mood 

Wait... if Makoto is going to be the substitute wrestler... WILL HARU BE THE SUBSTITUTE MASCOT AHHHHHHHH

WAIT NO I HAVE GRAVELY AND HILARIOUSLY MISUNDERSTOOD MAKOTO IS GOING TO BE BOTH MASCOT AND WRESTLER

“Iwa means ‘boulder’ and ‘tobi’ means ‘black kite’ so it’s a boulder-headed bird!!” Well that’s more of an explanation for the appearance of the Iwatobi mascot than I ever expected, Nagisa

“You don’t have a crippling fear of mascot costumes, do you?” No but I have feeling Makoto is about to develop one

Oh it’s THIS FUCKPUDDLE who asked u to be here Hiyori

“I don’t exactly hate it” high praise Ikuya lmao

Thkjhtkjh I love Natsuya’s long distance relationship it’s sweet 

HAHAHA is the beak thing supposed to be a ploy so people see Makoto’s face

“I cannot let Haru see me like this” “Hi Makoto” HAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS WHOLE INTERACTION AND ALSO HOW HARU JUST GOES ALONG WITH ALL OF IT

Also I don’t know how Makoto was planning to hide his identity after he was addressed as “Mr. Tachibana”

LMAO @ MAKOTO BEING RECOGNIZED BY HIS LEG MUSCLES I’M SCREAMING

“Hey Makoto, use a backstroke!!” HARU PLEASE

“Well done, you’ll be a great mascot someday” “Thanks? I think?” This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen and I loved it

Oh my goooood Haru bringing Makoto presents for his siblings.... they have ascended to the college relationship levels of Natsuya and Nao

Man Ikuya could not radiate stronger “leave me alone” vibes 

“Wow you boys make a dashing pair” you said it Suit Lady not me 

[cibokilley]

Consider This: Cat Edition

Also: How to Improve Relations With Your Cat

So, I’ve got a bit of a rant to make about how to better your friendship with your pet cat. I’m gonna outline some of the obvious stuff first before moving on to My Opinion™, which means I’m not an expert but probably better than the average layman when it comes to dispensing experiential wisdom.

Here we go~!

As a cat owner myself, I’ve sought out a ton of anecdotal advice as well as expert advice on the raising and treatment of pet cats. Some advice I’ve had to ignore, while others made life so much easier for me and my cat. Along the way, I subconsciously developed a set of standards for my interaction with my cat, which I feel like might benefit cat owners across the board, new or experienced.

Also, please be aware that this is MY take on this subject. Not all cats are the same. Nonetheless, accept the challenge of getting to you know your cat better by remembering these important rules:

(That said, I’m gonna address cats as ‘her’ because ‘it’ tends to create distance by dehumanizing or Othering others, not just your cat).

1. You can judge a (hu)man by the way he treats the help, children, and animals.

How well do you treat service people? How do you treat your children? Or better yet, how do you treat other people in general? Think about that, and then apply it to your cat. You may be guilty of treating your cat like shit, despite good intentions. Ignorance is your enemy here. So, here are some tips on how to respect your cat:

2. Cats aren’t dogs. Stop expecting her to behave like one.

3. Cats aren’t humans. Stop projecting. Cats have cat needs.

4. Wash their feed and water bowls frequently. Just because your cat is willing to eat off the floor doesn’t mean they should tolerate a filthy dish. Doing so will keep your cat free of bacterial infections, gut problems, and disease. If the bowl has a pink or blue rime in it, WASH IT with SOAP. If it’s got a nice green or black colony stain, pitch the bowl if it’s plastic, WASH WITH SOAP if it’s glass or metal. Wash OFTEN.

Same goes for food! Don’t leave food rotting in the bowl. Pitch it when it gets horrid, clean the dish, serve fresh. Also, don’t starve your cat just because she doesn’t like the food you bought for her. Don’t punish your cat like that. Would you do that to a child or a friend? No? Then don’t do it to your cat.

5. If your cat is sitting on your lap or is being carried in your arms, do not suddenly drop or dump your cat onto the floor. I see this all the goddamn time and it drives me nuts. How would you like it if you were suddenly shoved off the couch? Or if someone picks you up and then just drops you without warning? Just because cats usually land on their feet doesn’t mean they should. Heavy landings can stress joints or cause joint and muscle injury, especially if your cat is heavy-set or elderly.

6. Pet your cat nicely. I always see people petting their cats like they would a dog, that is, with a heavy slap on the back of the head followed by a hard stroke along the spine. How would you like it if someone just slammed a hand onto your head and then tried to push you down to the floor? Yeah. Pet her nicely. Stop being rough with your cat. (The exception is playtime, coz then your cat is expecting it.) She’ll probably just keep avoiding you if you pet her like a maniac.

7. Stop punishing your cat after the fact. Unless she is rebuked the very second she does a Bad, your cat will not understand why you’re punishing her. Cats don’t make that connection. It makes you look inconsistent and unpredictable, and she will not trust you as easily. Example: My mother, who is not a cat person, tried to punish my cat for scratching her. This meant ignoring my cat for days. My cat did not know why she was being ignored, and just spent most of the time hiding. My mother was convinced that my cat was sulking because she felt guilty, and that ignoring her would be effective in getting my cat to understand what she had done wrong. I had to explain to my mother that cats don’t operate like that; cats are not like children. Also: stop projecting onto your cat. 

8. LISTEN to your cat. The only reason cats meow is to communicate with humans. Cats have evolved especially to sound like babies in order to get our attention.* Mothers will meow to kittens and kittens will mew in return, but when a cat is making noises at you, it wants your attention. Also, pay attention to the tone of meow she makes.She may be expressing displeasure (which will be followed up by a scratch or a bite!), fear, or she may be alerting you to something (like a fire, or if something in the current environment changes abruptly). If your cat gives you a warning noise, then abstain from whatever you’re doing. Do this, and your cat will make a better habit of warning you before she strikes. Cats that strike without talking have usually skipped the warning because they fully expect to be ignored. 

9. CLEAN THE GODDAMN LITTERBOX. If the smell is offensive to you, imagine what it’s like for your cat, who has a much more sensitive nose than you do. Not only that, but would you use a toilet full of mounds of crap that hasn’t been cleaned, ever? When your cat stops using her litterbox because it’s full, absolutely do not punish her for peeing on the carpet. This is YOUR fault. Clean the damn box.

Advanced Level: 

10. Imagine things from your cat’s perspective. You are a soft, small creature in a giant’s world. Everything is bigger than you: trees, cars, dogs, and especially humans. And most of the time, dumbass humans are not paying attention to anything. All you have are your teeny claws and a bacterial bite to defend yourself with. None of these things will save you if a human suddenly decides to grab you or if you get hit by a car. So, if your cat seems tense or easily startled, understand that she’s a small cat in a human’s world. 

That said, if you accidentally frighten your cat, you CAN go and find her and pet her gently until she’s not so scared anymore. Many people just shrug and leave their cat alone, and assume that she’ll just get over it. That’s not the case -- your cat CAN experience trauma even from domestic events (like turning on the vacuum cleaner or because the washer makes a loud noise), but her paranoia can be abated if you seek her out and reassure her that you’re not mad at her, and that the scary thing is gone now. When you do this, be gentle. Approach from an angle where she can see you, or make a little noise to let her know you’re nearby.

Also try to understand when your cat is suffering. Is she ill? Is she cold? Overheating? Is she sore, or in pain? Cats hide when they’re feeling under the weather, so if she’s suddenly not present or as playful, and if her tail is down, then take her to the vet asap. Don’t let things escalate. If it was your own kid who suddenly came down sick, wouldn’t you take it to see a doctor straight away? 

 Your cat is a thinking, feeling being just like you. Show her some respect. Be the person your cat deserves.

Super Advanced Level: 

Consider the life of your cat. All she’s ever known prior to meeting you was probably her own mother, or if she was rescued or separated too young, then she only knows that she gets passed around, and nobody talks to her. But when you finally come into the picture, either when she’s still a kitten or as a rescue much later on, YOU become her universe. Her entire day revolves around you: Getting up in the morning, breakfast, disappearing off to work for the day, coming home, dinner, then going to bed. Now, imagine: if every single one of your interactions with your cat is a positive one -- for example, petting and greeting and offering treats, or talking to her making eye contact, etc -- then that’s all your cat will know. And having your cat know only joy when she’s with you is something you want for her, right? If you’re always mean to her, or when you shove her away or ignore her, then she’ll think you’re weird and unpredictable and a little scary, and not very nice to be with at all. You’re all she has in life -- so please, make your cat’s life a happy one.

Epilogue:

If you want to develop a close bond with your cat, just spend time with her. Sit down with her, rub her belly (if she lets you, lol), pet her and talk to her, play with her, find out what she likes. Find out what her meow tones are, observe her body language, see what she looks like when she’s hungry or bored or playful or tetchy. Watch that tail, watch those ears. Feel bad about never making time for your cat? Don’t get another cat because you think she’s lonely. She wants to be with YOU, not some other cat. 

Does your cat talk to you a lot? Good, because it means you’re communicating. That’s what friends do. Don’t treat your cat like you would a stranger. YOU are her entire world. Don’t be a shitty world to your cat. 

Bonus: The Tail Code

Tail up -- happy

Tail down -- sad, in pain, scared, angry

Tail tucked -- insecure, nervous

Tail in a question mark -- playful, curious

Tail at medium, neither high or low -- meh, bored.

Tail puffed -- frightened, agitated, startled. Also accompanied by fur raising on end, arched back, ears back, hissing. May also walk sideways on her toes, looks super weird.

Tail down and switching from side to side, ‘whipping’ -- pissy. May strike or bite.

Tail up and wagging, ‘swishing’ -- very happy, content, focused.

Tail up and trembling -- super excited.

Tail wrapped around another cat, or your arm -- friendly, like an arm around the shoulder.