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#bro what if i closed my inbox#it's not like it's getting used anyway#i am begging on my hands and knees#anon's on#and yet#please don't think you're bothering me!
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what are your thoughts abot how Damian and Tim's relationship is portrayed in most fanfics?
personally, although I like the angst part of their relationship I wish there was more fanfics where they're closer and have real siblings dynamic (like u know they 'hate' eachother but they would destroy anyone who would want to hurt their brother)
oh, boy, do i have a lot to say about this one. buckle in, folks.
i feel like a lot of the time, if they're in a fic together and the fic author doesn't like one of them, the other is going to be mischaracterized to hell and back. sometimes... both are mischaracterized.
i'm all for a fanon interpretation of a character- obviously, because i have fanon interpretations in my fic too at least a wee bit- but sometimes it goes too far and it no longer feels like we're reading about the same character
let's talk about Tim.
Tim doesn't have a good view of himself or his standing in any emotional aspect. which is often misconstrued about him believing that he was Jason's replacement (neither he nor Bruce thought this, but it was Bruce's fear), or that his worth as Robin wasn't enough. that's not true at all. i'll say it again here: Jason didn't nearly kill Tim at Titan's Tower, nor did he go there to kill Tim. and Tim fought him back. he even told Jason to his face:
"you can't be that good" "I am."
he knows he's a damn good Robin! he trained with the best, he helps lead the YJ! he doesn't doubt that he was the best person for the job. but when it comes to the emotional aspect of Robin, i think this is where Tim stutters
this is because of how Tim's parents showed their affection.
i think canon neglects that aspect of his trauma, which is why so many people hang onto it. in the comics, Tim is shown to have a lot of friends both in and out of suit. he's abrasive and isn't afraid to ask the hard questions. but he is riddled with self worth issues. his parents were barely around him, they didn't know him well at all. and they loved him, but from a distance.
Tim now sees himself as someone that can receive love from a distance. he is incredibly self reliant, and has been from a young age. he sees all of his accomplishments as obligations. he does well at school because he had to. he takes care of himself because he had to. and in his mind, taking up Robin was partly another obligation. he does his job well because he has to, and he might doubt this sometimes like anyone else, but at the end of the day he is confident in his ability to get shit done.
now, the emotional part of Batman and Robin is where i believe i enjoy a fanon interpretation more. he actually does have a good relationship with Dick, but I'm not too sure about Bruce at this point. this topic is nuanced because Batman writers make him so diabolical at times to the point that i would consider it ooc. but other times they're very close and Bruce admits this. so i replace it in my head with a more stable and realistic version that i've seen written by fic authors very well.
Tim views himself as someone who is there for a job: help Batman. but there is a lot of wonder and awe there. his favorite Robin was Dick. (I'll say this again so everyone hears me: his favorite Robin was Dick. yes you are allowed to have nuance and put Jason in there as someone he looked up to as well, please do. but put some respect on Dick's name!) now that he's working with Dick Grayson, someone he admires so much, as well as getting the honor to wear the Robin suit, he feels more like himself than he has in years. he's good at this, and it's also fun. he meets so many people and he gets to make a difference in the world. yes, it's a job, but it's also very freeing
he never did this be Bruce's son, or to replace Jason. his relationship with Bruce started off extremely rocky, with Tim forcing himself into his life in some way because he believed that Batman was going to get himself killed or get someone else killed, or Batman would cross the line. and Gotham would lose the only person who had such unwavering optimism for them. he and Bruce come to an understanding of being partners but not father and son. Bruce doesn't want to open himself up to that hurt again. but we all know Bruce, and that's not what ended up happening. Bruce would never be the same person he was before, but he is not incapable of love.
Tim would not understand that change. I'd get more into this but i don't want this post too long and i wanna save it for when i'm not supposed to be sleeping and when i'm writing one of my Tim fics for once. all we really need to know is that Tim's emotional intelligence is dogshit, and him coming to see Bruce as a father, and Bruce seeing him as a son, would baffle him. because his parents love him... at a distance. and Bruce sees him every day. that's not how it's supposed to work, right?
so.
sometimes, Tim is treated like a porcelain doll who can do no wrong. many aspects of his canon has been altered by fanon to be "worse" than it is. his neglect by his parents did, indeed, happen, and it affects him deeply. but his parents weren't like. beating him, or leaving him without food or shelter or supervision. Tim was clever enough to get around that supervision all on his own. which is why they should have been there in the first place. (they should have been there regardless). and emotional neglect is still a very real issue??? no one has to make it "worse" by making the Drakes out to be monsters. i think Jack often emotionally manipulated Tim when he was around, and I don't know if Jack was even aware that he did so. (which is why i can see some people delving into that nonexistent relationship that DC gave us, and finally giving those implications more depth. there are a lot of good fics that go over this)
often it's hard to read a fic for Tim because they go too hard into making Tim an anxious shy ball of sunshine. Tim is weird, and he stalked the Bats, he stalked Nightwing, he broke into Titan's Tower before he even became Robin. he's a weirdo. he fits right in with the Bats for that reason. some people make him out to be the victim or some kind of damsel in distress, and sometimes we get to see a phenomena where other characters talk like a book about emotional intelligence that their therapist gave them. which is... fine, if you're just writing to write it, maybe helping yourself. but let's take a step back and see Tim is not like that. he is a very capable person, and his not some "uwu, woe is me, i'm so shitty at everything and if you even look at me wrong i'll cry." i honestly believe that Tim is the type of character to hate crying in front of someone and even if he was actively dying he'd be holding back those tears.
whereas Damian? gets the opposite treatment??
granted, i don't actually know too much about Damian, but i at least try to understand him and his background
he's the youngest of them, and i think many people forget that Damian isn't a reader of the comics like we are. he wasn't going into that family with the emotional connections to these characters and their backstories like we did. he was taught about these people, the idea of them. like how we could be taught in class about people from a long time ago. and i can ensure you that Damian was not taught proper emotional intelligence, nor would he have the best grasp of it himself when he was younger than 9 years old. imagine all of your teachers and also your mother told you about these people and their accomplishments, and then told you that the person all of them look up to is your father. the person that you want nothing more than to know, to see, because the people around you talk about him so highly. someone you haven't gotten to meet yet, because you aren't "worthy." can you imagine being told all your life that you are not worthy to see your father yet? and not knowing if he believes that too?
but one day, you are going to be by his side as his son. i don't want to get too into the culture of the Al Ghul family because i don't actually know that much (i'm sure someone would know more about this, feel free to add on if you want to), but this is important to Damian. it's important to his mom. it's important to his grandfather, the leader of an extensive organization that stretches hundreds of years.
then he gets dropped off in a different country, culture, language, and family and he finds that things are not as he had been told his entire life. his father has many flaws, they do not believe the same importance of a blood tie as his family back home does. they question his entire upbringing to his face many times, they question his mother who he loves deeply. he's nine years old. imagine yourself in that position. you don't know yet what role you're playing in an adult's life, but you want to. desperately. you want to know where you stand. you want a hug. not to mention that Damian actually is a very emotional kid. he was taught to shove that deep, deep down, and not let that out.
too many people write Damian as if he was a "feral" kid which is kind of not something to put on him? i don't like it both because he wasn't feral, he was an asshole. there's a difference. and because it feels like a microaggression?? at times?? because once again... the culture that he is from... is important.
they have been racially profiled for many many years... and yes, everything that you read is political whether you want it to be or not. the act of reading is political. you should definitely be aware of what a writer's goal is when they were giving something to you. you should be reading deeper. again, i'm not from his culture and i can't say if it is an insult/insensitive joke or not, nor am i saying everyone who's made the joke before is a bad person. i have made jokes about Tim being a feral kid before and whatnot. i'm saying that no matter who you are, it is your responsibility to think critically about your media and kindly about other people. it feels uncomfortable to me because i know how wrongly the Al Ghuls (specifically Talia) have been treated by writers in the past. and Damian is an extension of that bias. just look at how many times they try to push Ian Wayne on us. or how they'll pull back on Damian's character development when talking about the Al Ghul family.
this probably isn't my topic to write about, at least not before i learn more about it. but since i get a fair amount of viewership, maybe someone will listen to me that won't listen to someone of color that has already pointed this out many times. with the comics fandom, and Batman fandom specifically sometimes, people don't care to think further about why the characters of color are so often and conveniently left out or forced into an archetype. take that as you will
so! he has spent his entire life believing he had to live up to two great legacies, both of which are VERY different. the intricacies of the Al Ghul family are often boiled down to pure evil by both fanon and canon writers, which dulls Damian's resolve and reasoning for what he had done, or makes it hard to connect to him. he has since learned more about who he wants to be and has come to respect his family in many ways. excuse me if i'm wrong, but i think part of why Damian came so hard for Tim was because Tim had everything Damian wanted. he had a place by Batman's side as both his son and his partner, and was very well respected by Batman and Nightwing both. he's older, more mature, he has stature in both this society Damian now has to fit into and within the family dynamic. considering Damian grew up in an assassin cult that solved threats to their dynamics or positions in power by murder, it wasn't a far leap for a child from that environment to make. he was modelling what he had been taught his entire life.
think about the mistakes that you made as a kid. and i don't mean something silly or funny now, i'm talking something that makes you feel ashamed. embarrassed. hurt. something that perhaps now as an adult, you reflect on as being totally uncool. and i want you to think about if maybe your environment had a role to play in that. maybe you made an insensitive joke that your mom or dad would have found funny, and someone pointed it out and reasonably made you feel like a jerk. shit happens. but you hopefully grew from that.
now imagine that mistake was you hurting someone.
yes, he was annoying. he was bratty, at times. he could be a little calculating shit. he hurt people with both his words and his weapons. Tim obviously had many many many reasons to be upset about his treatment- but I fear that most of his anger ended up directed at the older people in their lives that were supposed to be the ones to do something about it!
and though i hate that Tim went back to being Robin (it feels redundant), i have seen panels that show that the two of them working side by side after Damian and Tim both went through some life and perspective altering events both together and alone, has made Tim see Damian as his little brother, and vice versa. Damian has grown so much and many people just... don't care. no matter their reasoning for hating Damian, it's unfair to not look further than those cutting words written decades ago, or to bring up his mistakes every time you want to be mad at him. and i think it does a disservice to Tim to make him a bleeding heart about this when he has clearly forgiven Damian and cares about him. he rags on Damian like any older brother would, and Damian makes remarks like a younger brother would. personally, i think the two of them are doing pretty good right now
the development of their characters is actually so interesting within the canon aspect, even if they can fumble the ball every now and then. and the mischaracterization takes away the value that their canon relationship has. i personally love reading fics that have Damian and Tim teaming up. in aus where one thing changes and Tim and Damian become brothers later, i think it's actually so silly and fun when Damian respects Tim or thinks he's cool. or even without the au aspect! just like, a fic where the two of them are working together and it's either silly or serious, Damian having a begrudging respect for Tim and Tim being protective over Damian, etc etc, is sooooo much fun
#this got so so so long#but i had a lot to say apparently#again take that one part with a grain of salt#i hope i did that topic some justice#if anyone wants to add on to that who knows more about it please feel free to do so#also also one fic that i think has a super fun tim and damian dynamic is Buzzard#i've recced it here before#i just love that fic#and uhhhh Red Raven i can't remember the author#tim drake#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian wayne al ghul#robin damian#robin dc#tim drake robin#dc batman#batman comics#batman and robin#erin practically writing an essay again#i have a lot of feelings guys#i think even if you don't like a character you should be putting work in to understand them#and if you still don't like them then that's fine#but if you blatantly don't like them and don't bother to read up on them then you're a hater but in an annoying way#let me know if i forgot a tag im so tired rn
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The Chosen One
#just thinking about adult aang as per usual#he's everything to me#aang#aang art#trying out so many new brushes in procreate someone please stop me#don't @ me about the shading of the sash#i am ass at shading fabric leave me alone#aang love#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#pov you're zuko hahahahhaa#don't mind me reuploading lmao the outline color of his yellow sash was bothering me#there are no post upload edits in ba sing se#my art#my artwork#cabbage art
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My MCYT stuff is available to buy now! (10EUR shipping worldwide)
I've never used Kofi to sell physical items before, so please feel free to tell me if anything is wrong with the formatting etc. It has a few less convenience features compared to Etsy, like shipping variation for the same location (eg tracked and untracked) and no discount code function built in. You'll just have to DM me for stuff like that. Kofi doesn't take like a third of my money like Etsy did though lol
I'll make a more formal post at a later date probably in case there's stuff to file out before then
haggling is acceptable if you buy a bunch of things cough
#Please try to remember that the prices are set to whatever I think can feasably earn me back the production and shipping cost#I don't seek to make much profit if at all. Last time I sold stuff I lost soo much money man I aint doing that again#If the prices are too expensive to you then I'm really sorry. I hope you're not too bothered. Please feel no pressure to buy
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So I decided to watch a bit of Bridgerton with my mother, which I'm not really interested in (I don't really like period pieces unless it's a fanfic for a ship I like) but it's a show she enjoys so I sometimes catch her watching it and join her, and literally the only takeaway from the stuff I've seen with her is that Colin, Lord Debling, and Penelope should have all been poly
#guys listen a lot of shit could have been solved if they had just been poly (says local poly relationship writer & enjoyer)#i know polin is like the Ship this season from what i've seen when i lightly check out the bridgerton fandom#but i really enjoyed the chemistry between penelope & debling. they were cute.#that scene where he asked in a roundabout way how to propose to her. it was sweet. also the way he stuttered was really cute.#i also imagined colin & debling together in a world where polyamory & queer relationships weren't frowned upon#and i think they would be cute. he & colin would have a fun dynamic because debling's similair to pen but also he still very different#and i think that seeing colin being oblivious about liking him would be cute#it would definitely add to the drama if violet didn't really understand that colin was into both pen & debling at first. but when she does.#she spends the entire time with her head in her hands because her son is so bad at recognizing his feelings.#i just think the two would be really cute if the time period wasn't. you know. very unaccepting of queer relationships.#bridgerton#penelope featherington#colin bridgerton#lord debling#alfred debling#polin#colin x penelope#pebling#penelope x lord debling#colin x penelope x lord debling#colin x lord debling#god i think i'm the only one adding to that tag. if not creating it. oh well.#please don't bother interacting with this post if you're just going to say that polin is superior or whatever. literally just block me dude#yuri's thoughts & rambles#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton spoilers#this literally might be the only time i even use the bridgerton tag
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remember when halloween 2018 (or as i like to call it, halloween h40) came out and people were making those flowchart-style diagrams explaining the various halloween timelines? i like when people try to do that for the texas chainsaw massacre series because it is a fool's errand. you cannot divide that series into distinct specific continuities because there aren't any. there's a good argument to be made that every single film in that series takes place in its own completely separate timeline because it so often does not bother to meaningfully connect them beyond the single recurring character of leatherface.
i've mentioned before that tcm2 is my favorite sequel and the only one i actually like and will accept as a canon sequel to the original film, and part of that is because despite the complete 180 in tone it does, it's the only one that bothers at all to be a sequel. i think it's the only one that makes sense as a continuation of the first movie - the only glaring continuity errors are confined to the opening scroll text, which you can take or leave as part of the films' canon. (by this i mean the first movie's opening implies that the sawyers' crimes were discovered after sally's escape, while the second film explicitly says no evidence was found. also it retcons sally's last name to be "hardesty-enright" instead of just making lefty's last name also hardesty, for whatever reason.) there's one newly introduced member of the family but you can infer why he wasn't there in the first movie, and the one who isn't there this time has a good reason to be absent (he's died.) one of the main characters in this movie is a relative of the first film's final girl and his involvement in the plot is explicitly connected to what happened to his niece and nephew. the events of the first movie clearly happened in this universe. low bar, i know.
this could be attributed to this being the only sequel also directed by tobe hooper, although the original film's screenwriter did not return, and him having more of a vested interest in continuing the story of his own work. most of the original film's cast did not return for this one (can't say i blame them), but they work with that pretty well. i do think the film ends in a way that pretty decisively puts the brakes on any possible continuation from there, which could be attributed to hooper not really wanting to do a sequel in the first place and trying not to get asked back for another one. (i agree this was not a film that should ever have had sequels, much less become a full-on franchise. but you can tell that upon having to do it they were just like fuck it, let's have fun. hence the tone.) not that that stopped the studios from valiantly trying again and again to profit off of this title.
which might explain why the later sequels are so particularly weird. they don't really have a lot to go off of, i guess. i think part of the problem is that this is one of the few slasher films where the villain is actually a group of people, not a single recurring killer or identity various killers take up. they do have a silent, masked slasher who can be played by whichever new stunt guy you get for each film, but what about the rest of the family? it's always felt important to me that there isn't anyone outside of this isolated little unit in the first movie, but sequels keep inventing totally new characters out of nowhere with no explanation as to where they've been in previous installments. doesn't matter - we're in a new continuity now. tcm3 does not logically follow in any real way from tcm2 or tcm1. it's not a sequel despite the number in the title. it's a reboot.
(i've kind of come around on tcm4 aka tcm: the next generation. i used to think it was the worst sequel but now i think i get what it's trying to do a little better, although it is a pretty stupid movie in a lot of ways. some people have described tcm2 as a deliberate parody of the first film but i think that applies way better to the next generation, seeing how it follows a lot of the same plot beats but done in a more outlandish and parodic way. also, hey: same screenwriter as the original, returning this time as director.)
then the remake made a shit ton of money and kickstarted a new direction for 2000s horror (great. thanks for that.) and got a prequel that also actually made sense as existing in the same continuity as the film it was a prequel to. (again it probably really helped that they were able to get most of the cast back. no need to invent new family members when you still have all the same people playing them.) then in 2013 we got a sequel that promised to Finally be a Direct sequel to the original movie and...it made no sense as one. they try to pick up right where the original left off but right away there are once again a whole bunch of new characters who definitely weren't there in the first movie suddenly appearing in the house, including a baby whose existence is crucial to the plot.
(i'm sure everyone knows about the bizarre timeline decisions of this one, namely the main character ostensibly having been born in the same year as the events of tcm1 but only being about 18 years old during the main events of texas chainsaw 3d, despite it seeming to take place in the modern day. however there is an explanation for that! originally the film was supposed to take place in the early 90s when a character born in 1973 would have been that age, but studio meddling forced them to reshoot it to be 2013. you might notice that any mention or depiction of the exact year the opening scene takes place seems conveniently obscured in this film, implying that it is yet another alternate timeline where the events of tcm1 occurred sometime in the 1990s. this also serves as further demonstration that 1. studio executives are the dumbest people alive, and 2. people really don't care that much about the first movie. more on that later.)
leatherface 2017 is an attempt at a prequel that also makes little to no sense as a backstory for its titular character; i wouldn't be surprised if it started out as an original screenplay that got retrofitted into a tcm movie. there are no new sawyer relatives invented for this film (i don't think), but it does seem strangely insistent on keeping its leatherface away from the family for as much of the film as possible, making it feel especially like it didn't actually want to be a tcm movie. (the twist of the titular character's identity is clearly meant primarily to be surprising and not to make sense, but i can only say: there's no way that the original film's leatherface grew up apart from his birth family for that long and also used to be a "normal"-by-neurotypical-standards, verbal kid. different continuity.)
then in 2022 we get yet another attempt at No Guys Seriously For Real, This is a Direct Sequel to the First Movie, and i should have known things weren't looking good when it was announced this was actually getting dumped on netflix in february but my expectations plummeted to rock bottom when that teaser came out that thought the most relevant part of the movie to sell to people was a "canceled" joke. jesus. tcm:tng i'm sorry, this is the clear worst sequel. (if it was just that one dumb joke it might not be, but there's so much more that's awful in this movie - whatever.) anyway continuity-wise i guess this isn't completely disconnected, there is clear acknowledgement that the events of the first movie happened, but it's really not relevant to the main plot at all, when you get right down to it. pro tip: if a slasher sequel advertises the return of the original film's final girl, she will most likely not be in the film for more than five minutes. there's some implied backstory about leatherface running away to this neighboring town and being taken in by the lady who runs the orphanage, but honestly this could easily be yet another different continuity where leatherface is the adopted son of a kindly old lady (who still has a confederate flag in her window, jfc, i think this is the first time that imagery has ever been used in this series and it's associated with a character who's supposed to be sympathetic??) who was keeping a lid on his murderous tendencies before she died. points for effort i guess but i don't think it deserves much.
i really don't know why this series in particular is like this. most horror franchises will have their movies clearly follow each other and exist within the same continuity, sometimes with a reboot or two if they've gone on long enough (see: halloween having at least three different timelines, but all clearly branching from the same source.) if it's supposed to be an anthology series, they'll just...say that. i've heard it said that this series works best when viewed as variations on a theme, like the original film's events are an urban legend of sorts being told and retold around the campfire and every version is different because everyone remembers it differently or makes up their own. i do like that and think it makes the franchise make more sense but i know most people watching these movies aren't thinking about it like that, they're thinking of them all as sequels to the same movie, with the remake and its prequel being the only ones clearly existing in their own separate continuity.
it's a little sad to see how no one making official movies in the series seems to really care that much about the ostensible source material. maybe i'm biased because it's the film my brain latched onto the hardest when i started really getting into horror, but i think this movie is so interesting and there's so much there to explore with the little we're given about these characters and their dynamics and what they do and why they do it, and even if you can't really dive into all that in a movie you could at least use what's already there for your sequel and most of them just...don't. like they don't seem to have watched the original movie even before writing a sequel to it, just going off their own vague memories about that one scary movie about a guy with a human skin mask and a chainsaw. i know i shouldn't be expecting any more from a slasher franchise on its 9th installment but...whatever. it is what it is. this was never supposed to be a franchise in the first place. at least i can shout into the void about my thoughts and feelings on here.
(i think i read somewhere that the filmmakers were actually forbidden from referencing cannibalism in the script for texas chainsaw 3d and if that's true...oh boy. talk about missing the point. if you feel like something significant is missing in the later films in this series that's probably part of it.)
#texas chainsaw massacre#tcm#my thoughts#REALLY sorry about how long my original posts keep getting#i just have a lot to say and this is the only place i can share it#and tonight you're getting rambling about the tcm movies' continuity or lack thereof and why it bothers me so much#i know a lot of people don't like tcm2 that much and don't think it works as a sequel and i understand why#but it's still putting a lot more effort into being one than any other sequel in the series#fwiw i do appreciate texas chainsaw 3d as a dumb fun movie in its own right.#someone said that it works best when viewed as someone's self-insert wattpad fanfic written by an edgy 13-year-old#who doesn't care about logical consistency or getting details right as much as their oc who is friends with their slasher fave#and i fully agree.#(texas chainsaw 3d and leatherface 2017 are the kinds of movies that aggravate me because of how easily i think i could do better#with what they're trying to do. i could fix this. please. why wouldn't you go with the obvious better ways to execute these ideas)
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I'm just figuring out how important music is in my life! This is coming from a long while trying to cut down on my music use, mostly because I was listening to it so much that it felt more like I couldn't do anything without popping in some earbuds, and partially because of other personal reasons. Some of my routines changed, forcing me to not listen to music while doing certain things, and it ended up becoming that besides working on homework or drawing, I didn't listen to music at all. But I've given myself a break today since I have nothing to do and since, for reasons, I'm feeling just a lil crappy today—and boy, I'm starting to realize again just why I love music!!
I love the diverse music taste I've developed over the years! My family is not only big about music but big about listening to it loud, so the majority of my music taste for most of my life has just been Christian hiphop (Lecrae, KB, Andy Mineo, Trip Lee, and ironically Tonex, whose album where he was struggling hard with his gayness has been my favorite concert movie since I was 5) and gospel music (Kirk Franklin, Tye Tribbett, etc.). And music was one of the few connections between me and my race (I grew up feeling pretty estranged from my blackness as a kid, but the popular songs they played at the YMCA in the 2010s were some of the few things I could use to feel more connected) and between me and my classmates/friends at the Y (I still have fond memories of playing FNAF songs in mat forts and reciting lyrics at pool parties). But I got tired of knowing I could never bond with anyone besides family friends music taste-wise when I was in high school, and so I started listening to secular music on my own time. And that's how I first found Ghost and Pals, a vocaloid artist and one of the first secular music folks I listened to as a kid (can you smell the religious trauma yet? Lol), and that's how I bonded with one of my best friends in early college (ironically, also my first time being publically queer). Now I listen to Kpop, anime songs, songs from warriors MAPs, songs from musicals (Hamilton and In the Heights <3), latin songs, metal songs, and even some secular songs young me would've been too scared to listen to.
And music has always been one of my biggest sources of stimming! I can't dance to save my life, but music will sure get me to flick my fingers and hit my fist against my shoulder furiously. Music was one of the first clues that I like stimming with vibration too (since I love laying against the car door and turning up the music loud enough to feel the world shake around me). And music was one of the first things that made me look into ADHD or autism (specifically, listening to Ghost and Pals songs for a month straight and getting my friend at early college [who also has ADHD] to start looking at me funny when I was discovered doing chores and listening to one of three songs for the fifth time). Music is so cool it'll get me to wax poetically. It was one of the things that kept me together during my roughest times and soothed me during my best. I listen to it while I write, while I cry, while I hang out with my friends and family and while I chill by myself. It's how I relax after a long day, and it's how I feel safe. I feel kinda emotional finally having music hit that spot in me without feeling like I need it to do stuff.
#songs listened to while writing this post:#Tell Your Girlfriend by Lay Bankz#Get Up (Live) by Tye Tribbett#the Oshi no Ko OP song for season 1 (by Yoasobi) - which I ironically found before getting into Oshi no Ko#Waterfalls Coming Out Your Mouth by Glass Animals#Como Fue by 116#Creator (a Minecraft song I picked up from my college friend J)#The Ultimate Soldier (Evangelion)#Reckless Battery Burns by Ghost and Pals#Uncanny x Deathbody remix by Ghost and Pals#Watch Me Work (Trolls 3)#Mount Rageous (Trolls 3)#Better Place (Trolls 3)#Hayloft 2 by Mother Mother#Hayloft 2 Smashup by Mother Mother#Don't You Worry About a Thing (the Sing movie)#Mama by My Chemical Romance (found through a warriors MAP [yes the one you're thinking of])#Gossip by Måneskin#Looking at my playlists getting more and more secular songs feels like healing#but I also love that I can still listen to gospel hiphop or gospel music without feeling ashamed or (completely) embarrassed#(except for Bizzle but that was always more of my dad's music taste anyway)#also yes I have tinnitus how could you guess? Haha but for real it feels like an okay sacrifice to me (more like a battle wound for loving#music so much - but everyone else please use ear protection if you can! Tinnitus doesn't bother me too much but it could you!)#fenn rambles#gonna use this tag for my favorite rants and rambles that I'm most proud of hehe#(also this is an excuse to not leave some non-alterhuman-themed or non-neopronouns-themed stuff untagged >:3)#music#(also I went to a KB concert recently and it was HYPE)#(and I went to Winter Jam in Mobile and it was legitimately one of the best concert experiences in my life - Lecrae >>>>#love his new album hehehe)
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#i think i first listened to this song around the time Behind The Codes became an official project#My brain probably associated the feelings of excitement and fear with the song so ig that's why I love it so much#On one side. I love working on the Behind The Codes#there's an overwhelming amount of ways to tell this story: brainstorming. designing. animating. writing and rewriting until your brain-#starts to fry and get foggy with so many ideas. its both good and stressful to push your limits like this#On another side. I'm constantly anxious about it#I've always been afraid to admit the things I enjoy as well as the things that i create#You don't allow yourself to create and embrace new things even when you're essentially alone#and yes I'm aware of the fact that there will be people who won't enjoy the series- which isn't what bothers me#What bothers me is that I might regret certain decisions#'This is not the message I wanted to convey'#'This is not the story I wanted to tell'#The decision to share this song here is the clearest example of what I mean:#Part of me says: this song is so btc oh my god please put it at the end credits wait THERE IS A 2ND PART OF IT AND IT'S EVEN COOLER OOOAAAA#then there's the main thought: this song is so stupid. it's so corny in a way it makes me uhghu7ujhkjg..#i won against my negative thoughts today. yay#this whole post is just me rambling and being anxious. i dont even know what to say hjdsfbwjkefkdsf#bye :waves:#starbstalks
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#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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i think you might just need to go outside
you're the one who sent three anonymous messages to a stranger on the internet about a reddit sub full of ao3 fans about something she posted two years ago anon so idk maybe I'm not the one who needs to log off
#further rebuttals: you don't know me or my life and you're an anonymous stranger so??? what do I care what you think#I literally came off last week from a six-day vacation and I go birding regularly. I read and critique fanfic bc I love it#it's a genuine passion of mine and I take it seriously. and that includes criticizing#I do spend a lot of time online but at least I don't send condescending and presumptuous messages to perfect strangers on the internet#implying that they should be embarrassed about something based on the judgement of a group of people whose moral standards#they truly could not give less of a shit about#I think you may be more invested in this than me anon. I will go through my week pleased by this news#you though. seem bothered. find peace#also work on your ableism yeah? calling people weird (derogatory) and telling them to go outside isn't where it's at#best case scenario it just doesn't work. worst case scenario you look like a piece of shit to a chronically ill or agoraphobic person#and as established. you literally do not know me or my life#Anonymous#asks
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#mine musings#liveblogging jj#njmtsks#expanding on the njmtsks thoughts. hear me out. it's like#unapologetic critic demanding honesty from people#meet eccentric artist hiding the Self behind stories#starving for creativity or else he'll kill himself#meet actor who runs from having thoughts about the Self by pretending to be other persons. putting on Other Selves#similarly. guy who doesn't want to be bothered or to Care™ and wants to distance himself from others#meet the director who WILL (annoyingly. gratefully) push your buttons to make you step up and be involved#meet actor who WILL lower your guard down and get you to Care™ before you even realize it#like i don't talk about it as much but the njmts dynamic is soooooo (shakes fist)#“please don't use me as a ruler to measure other people” chefs kiss. they should have more moments like that#ice princess softens up for the first time and the director goes ooooh. interesting!!#mitsu: stop making kai your errand boy. stop making me your measuring stick. this is why i don't go to your office (nags incessantly)#neji: and yet you're here anyway lmao#director creates an id playground for the actors and mitsu goes. well have YOU faced your persona shadow yet? yeah didn't think so. bitch#anyway. there's no one neji will entrust quartz more to than mitsu#i don't have to explain the njks and mtsks side of things obvs 'cause that's in the game#anyway yeah. something something honesty and vulnerability hitting three of them KO
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I don't know if it's an unpopular opinion but I just,, don't like when people swear at me in my first language?
like, every time it's happened it's from someone who isn't a native speaker. and they're just. swearing at me. for no reason. why are you swearing at me in a language you can't regularly talk to me in? just call me a bitch or piece of shit in english. it's completely different when it's with people who already speak the language and know the culture swear in it because there is a common ground.
and also. stop asking me how to swear in my language. I'm not gonna tell you. it's really uncomfortable because most, if not all the time, it's because they want to use the language as a weapon. there is a whole culture behind it that I cannot properly teach just to let you swear. I have no problem teaching people about my language and culture but please be respectful about it.
again, these are just my opinions. it's been getting on my nerves for a while. another native speaker might be completely okay with it or not care. but ALWAYS check with who you're speaking with because it can come off as incredibly disrespectful
#i say this to bring awareness to what I've experienced for years#there's a consistent ignorance for the culture behind native languages that it bothers me so much#it's even worse when you come to think about the people who were ashamed of speaking their first language#so please. consider who you're talking to. because at the end of the day you don't really need to be swearing in the first place#quakie rambles#(or rather: rants)
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For the Artist Asks!
5, 14, and 25! 💜
YESSS thank you for asking!!
5: What’s your favorite thing to draw?
My favorite thing is honestly outfits and accessories! Every couple of years I end up making new paper-doll type drawings of a few of my characters so I can just go wild giving them lots of outfits and I ALWAYS have a blast with it. It ends up being like the Sims character builder screen with all the different outfit tabs for everyday, formal, party, PJs, etc.... except moderately more time-consuming to complete. (Gonna have to do this again sometime soon, come to think of it!)
14: Do you ever collaborate with others?
I have done it a couple times and I LOVE the process, love blending styles, sharing a goal and seeing a project come to life with another artist(s), etc.... but I'm almost always too shy to ask!! ;-; I'm making it a goal to be more outgoing, tho, so I look forward to doing more collabs in the future!
25: Do you like to draw in silence, or with music?
Most of the time I prefer to have background noise! Often I'll put on a show/movie I've already seen, or sometimes music. but also… I'm one of those folks who will pause it to shift focus for a moment, and then forget to hit play again, so then I'm sitting in dead silence hyperfixating on my canvas for like an hour at a time before I notice……
(don't tell my DM about this but I find that I often do my BEST sketching during game/RP sessions where there's some structured, goal-focused conversation happening around me that I can multi-task and jump in and out of to a certain extent.)
#text posts#asks and answers#art stuff#also yes the sims character builder IS only moderately less time consuming for me than drawing the outfits by hand#I lose so many hours in that game getting the outfits perfect#ps if you're reading this and thinking of asking to collab please blink twice to signal me or something#also tbh my usual DM knows that I sketch during sessions; I think it used to bother her but we have a better understanding nowadays#I don't zone out during combat rounds and I get to doodle as I please through the rest of the game
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saw ppl talking on twitter About It rather than directly what they were talking about when in recent months they were testifying to a Casual R Word Usage increase & i never saw it on twitter b/c yknow for as relatively few ppl as i Ever followed that activity has decreased a lot lately & i don't think i ever followed accounts where it would apply anyway & very rarely look at even Trends or anything else sitewide. but i feel like i'm seeing a bit of it on here more recently at least in recommended posts that are clearly just drawing from very general Humorous Posts genre like yeah that's just uh y2k style rword usage
#maybe even '90s? by the time i was in elementary school Gay was more so the synonym of choice#obviously it doesn't actually like. idk deplete anyone of a quart of blood to see any Word Usage & depending on the context like#i can ofc be barely bothered at all but i'm not posting about My Personal Experience but rather just the predictable phenomenon#for say alllll the times ppl Love to post about how Oh See This Is Why I Don't Take Ableism Seriously (it's b/c you're ableist? but ok)#about any post where ppl say that like Other Words used as [that's so gay] insults are also just vintage r words#origins as ''technically correct'' terminology & then becoming supposedly Figurative colloquial insults#basically the [f word r word] ''tasteful'' usage talking head moment from the office#& yknow ppl love to pass that around like here's the language cop telling me i can't call someone a stupid idiot. ableism is a joke#(or that ohh they're Dying to take ableism seriously Dying to support disabled ppl but this random tweet has thwarted them!!)#never engaging with The Idea That Words Mean Things / Language Defines & Conveys Ideas i.e. the ableist logic in language#which; also the argument that to Consider if casual familiar language was ableist was sooo easy; So Easy they're not even gonna do it#it's such a low bar simple easy request that i not call people moronic unintelligent simpletons that i would Never#i care so much abt Taking Ableism Seriously that if ppl even suggest that vintage ableist terms are ableist i'll go Lmaooo. no.#& also remark that it makes me even more anti anti ableist. like i'm so sure lol sooo sure it was sooo important to you#or ofc ''This is why ppl are ableist & don't take anti ableism seriously'' it's just the ableism actually but scintillating comment#& yeah nobody was suggesting that it's the Main Primary Most Important Single Mission of anti ableism. and yet.#just asserting that they are & that it's asking too much to Analyze much less indeed change up language. wherrre have i heard that rhetoric#nothing you encounter w/other perfectly Normative ideas baked unquestioned into ''Normal'' vernacular#& sometimes pointed out / criticized by those targeted by those logics to a chorus of Oh Please / Cmon Unserious No Way It's Fine#like if it's so Not a big deal lol then you sure could even begin to consider changing how you Think About & Use Language huh? & Yet.#anyone w/any experience in the Frivolity but also Overwhelming Oppression of like language that Talks About [queer / trans ppl exist]? no?#anyway that tl;dr like that Supposedly the r word was the one bit of ableist language that ppl accepted was; yknow; ableist. And Yet#like no you didn't really think that either or care much. despite that supposedly it was the ppl talking abt ableism in language who were#so Unserious & Unhelpful. & wildly the r word rennaissance is not getting that kind of Daily Twitter QRT events mocking pileon#just the kind of Killjoy Nags account who'd criticize ableism or the pileons on commentary abt it who are like yeah ppl are comfortable#putting the r word out there a lot more again. which has always been about [do you take the concept of ableism seriously At All. no]#like yeah no even here obviously the concept doesn't start & end. but an ableism uptick is reflected in ''the One Word supposedly accepted#as Rude / perhaps indeed 'truly' ableist'' broken out again huh lol. meanwhile again when Gay was more popular by my time perhaps#like nobody's directed the r word at me but i've gotten Stupid & Idiot within the exact same spirit; plus contempt dismissiveness vitriol#months ago partly read an article (itself ableist) w/a quote ft medical terminology of calling someone a ''moron''....felt startling & Bad
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Am I just a bad person. I don't think anything I've done has ever made people bitter and have a years long grudge against me? Or I'm the only person in the entire world who experiences this kind of feeling and I'm just an asshole. I still hold very hard grudges towards even people I like and am friends with because they won't apologize for something terrible and harmful they did to me and I don't want to let it go because it changed the trajectory of my entire life.
#If you're reading this it's not about you#This is about people who don't use tumblr or follow me and don't use tumblr enough for me to be worried about them seeing it#I know no one ever ever ever has bad intentions and accidents happen and mistakes and stupidity happen#and I know you didn't mean it and you have your reasons and it sucks that I'm such a fucked up bitchy bitter piece of shit#But like I moved into the dorms specifically for you and then you abandoned me day of n had a whole house all ready to go with roommates :(#Roommates who weren't me and who you were infinitely better friends with and I wasn't invited to join. :((#You made me leave your house even though I said I couldn't and I had a breakdown on the highway and almost committed suicide :((#I said I was scared to be alone in my dorm and I was out of food and needed to go to store and too scared and after that my car#was longer a safe place either and I told you this and you said 'clean your car and buy yourself a trinket from goodwill' :((#All this semester I skipped so many meals becaus I couldn't go to the store and I told you and you said to 'just go to the dollar store' :(#You called the police bc I was 'missing' even though I was literally in the room next to yours and you didn't FUCKING BOTHER TO CHECK ON ME#WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU????#god im so bitter im such a genuine actual garbage shit person please don't ever be friends with me I am actually going to#throw up thinking about what a terrible piece of shit I am. what is wrong with me. why cant i just be a good person#I can't let these little fucking mistakes go why does anybody waste their time and energy and breath and life on me#nothing i say can ever be normal every word i say is a vent because nothing good has ever happened to me.#fucking apparently. I'm genuinely so sorry for ever making any of you cross paths with me.#I promise you I'm going to kill myself soon and I'm so so so so sorry it wasn't sooner :((
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★ — Leaving them hickeys
With: Viktor, Jayce, Mel, Vi, Caitlyn, Ambessa, Silco, Vander and Sevika
CW: suggestive, hickeys, s1
English isn't my native language / Reverse Ver.!
— VIKTOR
He is a mix of bashful and pleased. When you kiss and nip at his neck, he goes still, cheeks flushed as a soft, breathy chuckle escapes.
"You...really like marking me, don't you?" He tries to act unfazed, but when he looks in a mirror later and spots the darkening bruise, his fingers ghost over it.
He'd cover it with a scarf or high collar in public but secretly loves that you left your mark. It's a rare indulgence that makes him feel wanted.
— JAYCE
He leans into it and lets you do whatever you want, practically purring under your touch.
"You just can't keep your hands off me, huh?" He smirks, wrapping an arm around your waist as you kiss him.
He flaunts the marks with pride. If someone notices, he grins wider. "Oh, that? Yeah, my partner's got good aim."
— MEL
She doesn't stop you; she tilts her head to give you better access, enjoying the sensation as your lips press against her golden skin.
"Careful, darling," she murmurs, her voice smooth as silk. "You'll leave evidence of your affection."
She wears her hickeys like jewelry, unbothered by anyone's reactions, because who would dare question her?
— VI
She pretends to complain. She'll huff as your teeth scrape her skin, but she's grinning the whole time.
"Really? You're leaving me looking like I lost a fight?" She teases but tilts her head anyway.
She wears the marks like trophies. "Yeah, my partner did that. What about it?" If someone stares too long, they might catch her smirking.
— CAITLYN
She gets flustered. She tries to keep her composure as you kiss along her neck, but her blush gives her away.
"Are you... trying to make this harder to hide?" She scolds, though her voice is shaky.
Later, she's wearing a high collar. When Vi notices and teases her, Caitlyn glares but secretly feels proud.
— AMBESSA
She chuckles lowly, utterly amused by your boldness. She lets you have your way, resting a heavy hand on your back.
"Is this your way of staking a claim?" she asks with a smirk, tilting her neck for better access.
She wears the marks unapologetically, daring anyone to comment. She admires your daring streak and rewards you for it later.
— SILCO
His sharp intake of breath is the only indication you've caught him off guard. He doesn't stop you, but his hand tightens on your hip.
"Bold," he mutters, his gravelly voice filled with amusement. "Do you think this will deter anyone?"
He hides the marks beneath his collar but touches them absently, conflicted between annoyance and smug satisfaction.
— VANDER
He laughs softly, a warm rumble from deep in his chest as you leave your mark on him.
"You're enjoying this a little too much," he teases, cupping your face to kiss you.
He's not embarrassed about the marks and won't bother covering them. If someone comments, he just grins. "What can I say? My partner's passionate."
— SEVIKA
She smirks, tugging you closer as your lips graze her neck.
"Careful, sweetheart," she growls softly. "I might start thinking you're obsessed with me."
She doesn't cover the marks, wearing them like a badge of honor. If anyone so much as raises an eyebrow, she gives them a warning glare.
#arcane x reader#arcane viktor x reader#jayce talis x reader#mel medarda x reader#arcane vi x reader#caitlyn kiramman x reader#ambessa x reader#silco x reader#vander x reader#sevika x reader#viktor arcane smut#jayce talis smut#mel medarda smut#arcane vi smut#caitlyn kiramman smut#ambessa smut#silco smut#vander smut#sevika smut#league of legends x reader#league of legends smut#narxcisse#arcane x you#league of legends x you#arcane smut#smut#arcane x y/n
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