#please dana let them be happy together

[planes-like-vultures]

breaking down sobbing crying shaking about to explode on the verge of breaking something i am so happy

[alotofpockets]

Found family | Lotte Wubben-Moy x Arsenal!Reader

Where your absent father randomly shows up at a match and you spot him interacting with your daughter

Warnings: absent father making his return, short mention of homophobia & the rest of it is just fluffy

Woso masterlist | Words: 1.6k

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“Babe, we have to go!” You had packed everything you needed in the car, while Lotte was getting your daughter dressed for the day. When you hear Maddie’s little footsteps running towards you, you turn around. “Oh Peanut, look at you!” She’s clad in her very own Arsenal jersey. “Are you ready to go?” Maddie looks at you funny, “I need my shoes, silly Mommy!” Her giggles ring through the hallway. Lotte was lovingly watching her little family from the doorframe. “It is a bit silly to leave without shoes, let’s put these on.” She dangles the tiny shoes in front of her. 

Maddie had been going with the both of you to matches since she was just a little baby. Arsenal had been great with providing the space for you to be able to. They hired a childcare professional to watch Maddie, who had been there since Maddie was just a little baby, so the two of them had definitely bonded a lot over the past few years. 

Before you’d hand your little girl off to her though, she joined the two of you in the locker room. She was well loved by the girls, who might not be family by blood, but each and everyone of them was one of her aunties. “Maddie!” The girls cheered when you walked it. You chuckle, “I remember a time where you’d be happy to see us.” 

Your Arsenal family was your found family, and you could not be more grateful for the love and support they had thrown your way with Maddie. Your kid loved to spend the night at any one of her auntie’s places, any time you and Lotte needed some help. 

“Hey Peanut, are you ready to hang out with Dana?” Maddie looked to be deep in thought, “Only after I said bye to everyone.” She found a way to spend a little more time in the locker room, as she went around and gave all the players a hug. “I thought you liked Dana, Peanut.” She runs into Lotte’s arms. “I do, but I also like my aunties.” You squish her cheeks. “You’re lucky you’re so cute, my cheeky little monster.” 

Dana took Maddie into the stands, to their usual seat right behind the bench, and soon after you all ran onto the field to start warming up for the match against West Ham. You waved to Maddie when you spotted her in the crowd, and started your stretches. 

While you were running some drills, Viv got your attention. “Who is that with Maddie?” You look over and your blood starts boiling instantly. “Get Lotte.” You say without answering her question and rush off in the direction of your daughter.

“Hi Peanut.” You ignore the man standing next to her. She runs into your arms, “Mommy!” She says enthusiastically, not expecting to be reunited with you so soon. You hold her close to your chest and feel Lotte’s protective hand on your back the moment she realises what is going on.

“Love, can you please take Maddie?” Lotte doesn’t want to leave you, but also knew that neither one of you wanted your daughter to be involved in any of it. “Oh come on.” The man interjects. “Not in front of my kid.” You stop him. Maddie doesn’t understand what is going on, but lets her Mama take her onto the field. 

Luckily Lotte quickly walks into Katrina. “Hey, is everything okay?” The fellow mother asks. “Eh family emergency.” Lotte settles on. Both their heads fly towards you raising your voice at the man. “Want me to take her to Clara? She over there with Harper, the kids could play together.” Lotte nods, “Yes please, that is very kind.” Lotte turns to Maddie, “Wanna go play with Harper?” The young girl was easily persuaded to go with Katrina. “Thank you.” Lotte mouths before rushing back to you.

Dana, who doesn’t know what was going on, but realises she might have done something wrong starts apologising. “I’m sorry, he said he was her grandpa.” You shake your head, “It’s not your fault, don’t worry about that. Biologically he is her grandfather.” You turn your head towards your father who had been absent since your teen years, “But biologically is the only way he is.”

The man starts getting annoyed, “I have every right to get to know my grandchild!” Lotte gets back to your side before you can respond. “Don’t worry, she’s with Clara and Harper. Let’s take this inside though.” Quickly she points out where Maddie is in the crowd to Dana, so she can join her again. Lotte starts guiding you inside and your father follows.

“You have absolutely no right to get to know her.” You respond once you’re out of sight from the crowd. “She is my blood, you can’t tell me I can’t get to know her.” Your brows furrow in anger. “A blood relation is the only one you will ever have with her. You lost any rights the day you abandoned me to start a new family.”

Lotte is back within a few seconds, “That’s him.” The security guard nods and asks him to leave. “I have the right to be here. You can’t just set me out of the stadium.” The security guard looks over to you, having heard the earlier commotion. “Ma’am, would you like to ban this man from the stadium?” You’re grateful for his help, “Yes please.” 

“A girl needs a father figure.” He tries, but you just roll your eyes. Of course besides being a jerk in general, he was also homophobic. “Oh you don’t have to worry about that, she has plenty of family to look up to. Not that she could ever look up to a man like you.” You were getting riled up, and while that was rightful, Lotte interfered.

“You need to leave this stadium right now, or I will get someone from security to walk you out.” She said sternly, her hand still supportively on your back. ”I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to my daughter.” You shake your head, “I am not your daughter.” With your head turned to your wife you ask her to get security. 

Once the security guard had led your father around the corner, you collapsed into Lotte’s arms. You had been scared of your father randomly showing up in your life for a long time, such a long time that you had finally started to let it go and believe that he never would. But there he was, and all your feelings came to the surface again. 

Lotte held you close and whispered reassuring words into your ear. She was your anchor, the person that kept you grounded. “Do you want to sit this match out?” You shook your head. “No, he’s taken too much from me in the past, I am not letting him have more.” 

With a look of determination you made your way back onto the pitch, quickly explaining to the staff that you had a family emergency. You finish warming up with the rest of the team. Some of them had questioning looks on their faces, but figured you would tell them what happened if you felt like you wanted to share and once you were ready to. For now, you all had a match to win.

And win you did. Viv made it 1-0 in the first half, and West Ham scored the equaliser right at the start of the second half. The 2-1 had come from you in the 87th minute, heading the ball into the net off a corner kick. The team went all in for the celebratory hugs, but all you wanted to do was celebrate it with Maddie, after what happened earlier.

You ran towards the side of the field where Maddie was sitting, with Lotte following behind. You sent a bunch of kisses her way into the crowd, while Lotte hugged your side.

When the final whistle blew, you made your way towards Maddie again and reached over the border to get her onto the field. Hugging her extra tight, she was squirming in your arms, ready to run around on the field. You put her down and give Clara a quick hug. Katrina made her way over too and carried Harper over the border. “Thank you.” You say as you turn to her. “Of course, us mom’s have got to stick together.”

Maddie and Harper ran onto the field together, quickly finding a ball and kicking it around. You stayed close to them, not wanting to leave your daughter out of sight just yet. Eventually Harper and Katrina make their way back to their team. Maddie continues playing with the ball, and is currently making her way to the goal with the ball at her feet. The crowd behind the goal started cheering as she got closer and erupted the moment she kicked it in. 

You lift your arms in celebration, and pick her up to twirl her in the air. “Woohoo, another goal for the Arsenal!” Maddie giggles as she’s flying around. After that you take her onto your hip. “I love you very much, Peanut.” The way she hugs you back melts your heart. “I love you too, Mommy.” 

Lotte joins the two of you once she’s done making her round with the fans. “How did I get so lucky? Both my girls scored tonight!” Maddie runs into Lotte’s arms, who lifts her and twirls her around. “My little star girl.” She said proudly, before looking over to you. “How are you doing?” You smile at her, “I’ll be alright. I’ve got all I need right here.”

The three of you walk off the field together and into the dressing room, where Maddie proudly shares with everyone that she scored a goal. 

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[mrsbsmooth]

I don't know if this is a safe space for me to share my opinion on S8 but I disagree with your take on WLW relationships in S8. As someone who is exclusively WLW, I've got to say that Season 8 is the worst season that I have ever played. It's not worth it. I regret every second that I have spent on it. I wish I never played it. I feel like I have wasted my time. Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me feel physically sick. If you're bi, you're automatically locked out of the WLW route and Bea dances for Claudia instead. If you're doing a WLW route, the two female LIs are merged together. There are only two female LIs and they're hidden behind a gem wall. You can't couple up with them until the final week. The male characters are forced on MC no matter how many times you reject them. Being LGBT is treated like a fun side mission. It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode and the other characters will keep pushing the OG guy and CA guy on you either way. If you're romancing a girl, you're made to feel like a cheater. The WLW routes in S8 are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. They are not written to be the main course. The S8 WLW routes  are something to play around with but not something to commit to. S5 was no fun but at least we could be in an unofficial relationship with Dana and we could choose to befriend Alfie. We could couple up with Vicky in S7. S8 is like S6 but somehow even worse. The openly homophobic and racist comments that I have seen some straight players make about Bea and Hari are only making it harder to feel accepted. What hurts the most is that MC was a bombshell and she was not coupled up with her OG LI before the Casa. They could have let us pick a female LI the moment MC walked into the Villa. There was no better way to justify a WLW main route. The way they waste Luna and Felicity is unbelievable. I wouldn't recommend S8 to anyone who isn't super into the male LIs

Hi lovely, of course!! Always happy to hear a different opinion as long as they're respectfully put, which yours absolutely is, and as long as you don't mind me disagreeing back!

[Note: Sarah's just pointed out to me that you asked for a safe space and my response doesn't really do that and just disagrees with you. She's right, and I apologise for not being clearer about the fact I was planning to do so when I hit post. But you are always welcome to share your opinion here. I can't guarantee a safe space, but I can guarantee an open mind.] Because I do genuinely believe that the WLW routes in S8 are better than they have been previously.

I'm not going to be addressing homophobic and racist comments about Bea and Hari. My advice for those? Stay the hell off Reddit. I'm not getting into the way this fandom talks about race, especially for Asian islanders. I just want to talk about the WLW routes as that was the main point of your ask.

I want to make sure I've acknowledged and responded to everything you said, so please see below.

[This got long AF. TL;DR at the end.]

Locked out of routes, and Male LIs being forced on you

This isn't new to this season, and in my opinion it's been done dramatically better than previous seasons. I've played all of them, and almost every single season holds the female LI back until the end. Marisol, Elisa, Najuma, Angie, Dana, Lulu, Bella, Chloe, Flo, Bonnie, I don't think you could couple up with a single one of them until the final recoupling. The only exceptions were S1 and S3, I think? I believe you could get with Talia slightly earlier (and have Sammi come in later as a LI for the guy who otherwise would be dumped), and AJ/Yasmin you could couple up with and make Tai and Ciaran get together. But that's only 2 seasons from 8.

(Note: I see you said you could couple up with Vicky in S7, and I'll be honest, I barely played S7 as I found the writing itself extremely lacklustre. So I'll have to take your word for it that they somehow made that work.)

I get that it's frustrating to be separated from a female LI until late game. It's a sentiment I've heard every single season since I started playing alongside the releases. But realistically, this is how the game is structured. Love Island, as a premise, is based on heterosexual relationships. Pairing off and being in heterosexual couples, etc. Same as something like 'the Bachelor'. Two female contestants could be together, sure. But that's not how the show is structured. The only real solutions have been in S1 and S3, both of which I've already mentioned. I'd love to see more MLM couples made canon, or creative ways of letting us couple with women earlier, but I don't think there's one simple solution. This particular show is aimed at het couples. As unfair as it may seem, that's how the game is structured. (Crossing my fingers for canon MLM couples. PLEASE!)

I also disagree that WLW routes are written to be a bonus thing for bi women to do once they finish the good routes. Claudia's route has been a main route since day one in the villa. The fact that you can only have a relationship with either Theo OR Claudia means they intended from the very beginning to have whichever one of that couple you choose be the slow burn route- the route that you can't get on until the very end.

To say that 'Watching Claudia grind on Theo made me physically sick'-- Congratulations and welcome to the slowburn route 😂 I feel exactly the same way when Theo REJECTS ME OUTRIGHT and says he's only interested in Claudia, or when Suresh's heartrate gets raised the most by Lulu, or when I finally couple with Jake and he tells me I should pursue Levi. Don't you think the fact that it's had such an impact on you shows how well-written she is as a female LI? Claudia is AMAZING. But she's also bisexual. She's allowed to be torn between a male and a female LI and want to explore relationships with both, and I don't think it's fair to be angry that she's playing out all her options. That just means she's a well-written bisexual character. (Side note may I remind you that you've been able to take Claudia to the hideaway, and sleep in a bed with her, whereas Theo girls were only able to KISS the dude for the first time within the last week!!!! 😭) I think the only canonical lesbian routes are Angie from S4 and A.J. from S3. But even so, they're both questioning while in-villa and only come out either towards the end or in the post-season. You can watch AJ's route on Youtube if you didn't get a chance to play. Also, you're not locked out of the WLW route if you're bi/into men. Only if you're interested in Theo specifically. This is definitely somewhere they could improve-- I wanted Theo and Claudia, but eventually went back to play a straight route for Theo. However, I DESPERATELY wanted to flirt with Bea. It would've been wonderful if we'd been able to flirt with her separately. (I think I did get this option, but I believe it may have been a glitch). An option early in the game when the female LI asks you could be:

Yes, I'm into you!

No, I'm not into you, but I might be into other women

No, I'm not into women.

The Female LIs are merging together

Welcome to Love Island the Game by Fusebox games, where all the love interests merge and the personalities don't matter. You're not alone here, and it's not NEARLY as bad as previous seasons. Watch Najuma, Bruno, and JAMES have exactly the same dialogue in S4 despite being wildly different personalities. Watch Lewie, Jamal and Ryan be completely interchangeable. This isn't exclusive to WLW routes.

The female LIs are hidden behind a gem wall.

Again, this is the same for everyone, even players on a straight route. FB are greedy.

Being LGBT is treated like a side mission

It's something you're only allowed to do behind closed doors. You can pay to make out with a girl in every episode

This is hard. I get why you feel like this, anon, I really do. But I genuinely do think that this is the devs trying to give you something. They know it's frustrating to have to wait so long to couple with a female LI, so they try and give you bonus opportunities along the way to connect with your love interest. Almost every single smut scene written in the scripts has a female alternative. Again, I'm not saying that it's perfect, but having looked at and manipulated the scripts for four seasons now, I can absolutely assure you that this has not always been the case. They ARE improving and giving you more opportunities to spend time with your female LI than you had in previous seasons.

TL;DR

I'm not saying S8 is a perfect season for WLW routes.

The part I'm disagreeing with is where you said it's the worst season.

I absolutely disagree with that. There are far worse seasons. Even the golden child Season 2 didn't let you couple up with a woman until right at the end, watching her graft and grind on everyone BUT you. We also don't even know for sure that we can't couple up with a girl until the last week. The game's still being released. (I won't be surprised if that's the case though.)

I think Claudia and Bea are EXCELLENT female love interests in comparison with what we've had previously. They're both beautiful, they have unique personalities, they have very different routes (Claudia's confused between you and Theo, Bea's your bestie to lover and she's got terrible taste in men, dear god please save her).

I understand WANTING more WLW routes, but from a development point of view, there are simply not enough opportunities in the real-life structure of LITG to have fully blown out WLW routes. And even if they were, FB Games are not going to be financially motivated to do so. Their main customer base ($$$) is pursing a het route, so that’s who they’re creating for. They can't even get through the hetero routes without the characters merging personalities. There are other games doing this well, including fan-made games, which I'd recommend checking out. I don't have the link handy to the game pages, but check out @thatwheelchairchick, I believe she's working on an alternative game?

Anyway, I hope that clarifies my position on why I think they're worth playing. Sorry that it turned into an essay.

[auiciqa]

Can you do a fic about the marage council w miguel ohara, where you guys divorce and Miguel realized how much of a bitch the other girl was, and starts to miss her. So he sobers up and changes the way he is, then tries to get back together… maybe some angst and fluff?

Marriage counseling with Miguel O'Hara pt.2

Pairing-Miguel x ex wife/reader

Warnings-light Angst and fluff(but it's all in Miguels head lol)and mentions of alcohol abuse,lmk if I missed any

a/n-yall I did not except to make another part to this and yk I can't really miss out on a good chunk of angst and fluff together,but it is best recommended to read this at night ifykyk angst fics hit harder at night.

It's been a year since you and Miguel had divorced,yeah it was the hardest period in your life but at least he didn't have one cent left to his name.The hardest part was co-parenting, every time Miguel would drop off Gabby at your house his girlfriend which was his ex girlfriend at the time you guys were married, would make smug faces at you and throw her used cigarettes and beer cans at your yard when her and Miguel would leave.you couldn't care less despite the fact you still had love for him and he could say the same thing for himself,if he wanted to.

"Dana why can't you just shut the fuck up already,all you care about is these expensive things that I buy you and it's still not enough to make you happy!" He yells as he pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs,"Pleaseeeeee miggy I promise I will be the happiest woman in the world after you buy me this necklace." Didn't take him too long to finally give in.

"c'mon Gabby you're going to be late to soccer practice!" You hurry and fill up her water bottle."Dad's going to pick you up from practice today so meanwhile you're at practice I'll pack your change of clothes."okay mommy!"Once y'all settle in the car y'all hurry off to the field."Bye Gabby I love you!" "I love you too mommy!"

Miguel had many sleepless nights thinking about you,by sleepless I mean by him going out to bars or after work or going to the nearest gas station and buying a dozen of beers just to drink half of them in his front porch before Dana even notices.Yeah he thinks about you a lot just the two of you cuddled up in bed or on the couch while y'all whisper sweet things to each other,i mean how tf is this bitch going to think about you this way after cheating on you.

"Daddy, mommy said to drive to the house to pick up my bag since we were running late she didn't have enough time to pack it." "Alright dear what ever you say." As he makes a u turn driving to the direction of the house.

"Ok,there's her clothes,iPad,dolls and swimsuit let me know if I missed anything." Nope I'm pretty sure you didn't." He says as he looks through the bag."well bye I guess.""w-wait" he says as he grabs your wrist,"what is it?" "Can he just please work this out I know that cheating on you was wrong but I'm a completely different man now I promise I won't treat you that way ever again.." you look at him as you sigh knowing that if you let your feelings get in the way this would end up in "one thing led to another" situation which is very immature."Miguel I'm sorry but..I don't think we could go back to how it was it.. just wouldn't be the same." "I know and I'm sorry it's just that Dana is being a total bitch right now an-" you were furious,not that because he wanted to get back together it was because of his stupid excuse."so you want to get back together because your girlfriend isn't treating you the way you want her to?" "No I didn't mean it that way it's just I've been thinking about us lately...yk maybe it could work out this time." "Why are you saying that as if we've broke up and gotten back together multiple times,I'm not your side piece and it won't be easy to get back together and you can't just say that you want be together again out of the blue that's just..dumb" You were out of words and so was he,you practically left the man speechless."just think about it, gabby wont have to grow up thinking that co parenting is normal and that it's ok.. i mean we should set a great example on how a real relationship is supposed to look like and it's ok to let our feelings get in the way sometimes." He was right,it wouldn't be ok to set an example that it's ok to be hoeing around co-parenting to your daughter,and that you both know that deep down y'all still love each other,maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

[blaisenova]

the consequences of enjoying someone's company

Xina Kwan had always been able to make Miguel smile even when no one else could. Maybe a little bit TOO well...

or:

Miguel O'Hara visits with his ex-girlfriend turned friend, Xina Kwan, until, like always, things don't go quite as planned, and Miguel has to explain some rather strange truths about himself, such as why Xina could see fangs when he smiled.

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the world needs more xina and miguel content, and i am all too happy to supply it.

xinamiguel lovers, this one is for you!! they're not explicitly stated to be together, so it can be read as either platonic or romantic, but it is entirely possible to read some of what happens as romantic tension. THIS IS CANON COMPLIANT, OKAY?? WE CAN'T KEEP PRETENDING THAT THEY DIDN'T STILL KINDA LOVE EACH OTHER EVEN AFTER THEY BROKE UP IN THE COMICS. dana lovers, beware of dana slander. i'd say i'm sorry but it would be a lie. we stan xina here.

also, an extra bonus for those of you who just want to see miguel be a guy for once. oh yeah, that's right, in this ao3 fanfiction i offer you a miguel o'hara that ISN'T just angry all the time. you wanna see this man have a good time? you wanna see him interact with someone without being an asshole the entire time??? you wanna see how this man acts when he's not under the pressure of holding together the entire multiverse??????? WELL HERE HE IS. comic accurate miguel. come get y'all juice.

gentle reminder that i also take requests if any of you have an idea itching at the back of your brain but don't wanna write it XD

content is below the cut because it is LONG. ao3 link is in the reblogs as always. please enjoy!! <3

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It would be impossible to overstate just how much Xina Kwan meant to Miguel O’Hara.

The two had known each other from the time they were young children, back when it had felt like it was them two against the world – and, really, the sentiment wasn’t too far off considering how desperately Kron Stone had wanted to make their lives living hell, up until he decided they didn’t deserve their lives at all – and to say that they were close would be an understatement. So close, in fact, that once they’d matured from intelligent youth to genius adults (and Miguel, from an arrogant child to an even more arrogant adult), the two had gotten together.

Then, of course, Miguel had ruined it by being his selfish, self-absorbed self; though, in the moment, he hadn’t thought it was a mistake to leave Xina for Dana. There’d been a part of him that regretted hurting Xina the way he had, but Dana was a gorgeous, loving woman who never thought him any less than perfect, and Xina… Xina hadn’t let him be content in being the bastard that he was. At the time, he hadn’t liked that about her.

Now, after it was already too late and Miguel had ruined things with Dana, too, he could see how stupid he was for choosing what was easy over what was best. Just another failure to chalk up to the heroic Spider-Man.

It was true that Dana loved him, and it was even true that he loved her back, but it had taken a lot of suffering and bullshit to realise that loving someone wasn’t necessarily enough for them to be good for you. He probably should have known that already, considering the state of his own family, but that would have required any level of self-reflection, and that was still a rather new skill for him, all things considered.

What he knew now, though, was that Xina had never apologised to Miguel’s dad on his behalf, claiming that he didn’t mean his vitriol when he did. Xina had never tried to love George O’Hara when they both knew he didn’t deserve it, and she certainly hadn’t tried to convince Miguel to love him, too. Dana believed that he’d cried at his father’s funeral because he genuinely felt sorrow, and Miguel hadn’t had the heart to tell her otherwise. Somehow, even after everything, she still didn’t seem to understand that some people didn’t deserve love or pity, and that, even if George somehow did, Miguel would never have deigned to give it to him. Though, there was also a part of him that found himself wondering how she hadn’t seemed to get that he didn’t deserve it either.

Complicated and distressing feelings aside, there were simply things that Dana let Miguel get away with that she shouldn’t – like being arrogant, and “pompous” (or so Xina had said, at least, and, frankly, Miguel was starting to believe her), and uncaring towards the world that so desperately needed to be cared for – and there were things she wouldn’t let go that she should – like his relationship with his father, and his mother, and Gabriel, as if she hadn’t hurt him, too; as if she didn’t use the fact that Gabriel used to love her to keep him from being angry with her.

If honesty was what you were looking for – something Miguel had never been very good at, especially when it came to the difficult truths about himself – he would say that, despite his initial regret over his hasty break up with Dana on the day that he found out about his biological father and the truth of his… condition, it was a bit of a relief. They had been in love, but that wasn’t enough. Miguel had adored her, but she’d made him a worse person and he’d hurt her in kind, and, while he might not have cared about that fact before, he did now.

Running from the difficult confrontations and hiding in easy love that allowed him to fester in his grief was a choice he’d made back when he’d cheated on Xina, but he could see now that it was a poor one.

And, really, if honesty was what you were looking for – which, really, was asking a lot of Miguel – he would say that he missed Xina. Maybe not necessarily in a romantic sense (though, he couldn’t quite be sure), but it didn’t really matter, when it came down to it.

There was a reason that Miguel had insisted so fervently that LYLA be fixed. Sure, maybe it was, in part, due to her comforting familiarity in a time that was, undeniably, full of the terrifying unfamiliar, but it was also because LYLA was a product of Xina; she was a constant reminder of the person that Miguel had cared for so much and, frankly, still did. He hadn’t wanted to let that go, and maybe that should have told him something even before things ended with Dana, but Miguel had never been very good at facing difficult feelings. That’s why Dana had been so addicting, and why he’d wronged Xina when he shouldn’t have.

Xina had always been a bigger person than he had, though, and, somehow, she’d found it in herself to forgive him for what he’d done. If Miguel still wasn’t so afraid of what voicing his relief and appreciation might cause, he’d thank her. Maybe one day.

For now, though, the two could be friends as they once were; or, at least, something close to it. It was a nice change of pace, to be able to talk to someone that didn’t want something from him, one way or another. Though, admittedly, that was likely, in part, due to the fact that Xina’s expectations of him were still depressingly low.

It hurt a bit, but Miguel was aware that he’d more than earned it.

For now, mercifully, the difficult conversations could wait, and Miguel could pretend to be nothing more than Miguel O’Hara: bastard of a man that was doing his damndest to become less of one; not Spider-Man and whatever being him meant.

Or, at least, that was what he’d thought. He’d never really been that fortunate.

“Miguel O’Hara,” Xina exclaimed with faux fury, a hand placed firmly on her hip and a brow quirked upward as she attempted to bite back her smile behind a snarl. Her other hand laid casually on the door handle, and Miguel could already see all sorts of twencen junk just a few feet inside her home. “And just what, pray tell, are you doing here?”

“Xina Kwan,” Miguel returned, matching her energy as he, too, placed his hands on his hips and scowled. “I should ask you the same thing.”

Losing the fight against her amusement, Xina desperately tried to obscure her laugh with a scoff. “I remember you being smarter,” she mused. “I live here, as a matter of fact.”

As if the notion was news to him, Miguel’s eyes widened, and he straightened up, making a show of looking around the doorstep and peeking past her shoulder into the house before he raised his brows. “Well, sure enough,” he hummed. “Fancy that. May I come in?”

Sighing, Xina allowed a smile to slip onto her face, and she pushed the door aside, gesturing half-heartedly. “Yes, I suppose, but don’t touch anything. I don’t know what you’re contaminated with.”

“Charming, as always, Xina,” Miguel hummed as he entered. He fixed her with his own smile, and, like usual, took care to ensure that his fangs remained concealed. “I was going to say you were a better doorman than that robot of yours, but now I’m not so sure.”

“What’s wrong with Jack?” The words were accompanied by the sharp slam of a door, and Miguel couldn’t help but to smirk as he turned to see the annoyance on her face.

“He still calls me ‘Miguel the creep,’” he hummed, idly picking up some sort of blocky looking plastic brick with buttons on the side and some sort of antennae coming out of the top. 

Immediately, Xina smacked his hand, and Miguel hissed at the feeling but placed the object back on the table nonetheless. “Does he?” she asked, eyes wide as if she genuinely didn’t know. Which was shocking bullshit. “That’s so strange. I wonder who taught him that.”

“I have a few ideas,” Miguel murmured, rubbing his hand with a pointed look.

“Well, now, let’s not get accusatory.” Xina straightened the item he’d moved, brushing it off gently. She paused, examined the object once more, then moved it slightly to the left before nodding affirmatively.

All the while, Miguel could only watch in muted fascination. “What is that thing?”

“Some twencen tech!” she immediately chirped, eager as always to talk about her number one favourite hobby. “It’s called a ‘walkie-talkie.’”

Miguel’s head cocked to the side, a brow raising. “A whatie-what?”

“A ‘walkie-talkie,’” Xina repeated slowly, grabbing his ear and pulling it to her lips as she spoke, much to Miguel’s chagrin. He batted her away, though couldn’t quite squash down a smile. “It’s basically what they used before holo-messages. I just wish I had another one so I could use it for something besides collecting dust. They only work with a pair,” she huffed.

Again, Miguel picked up the object, taking care in his movement, and, this time, Xina let him. He turned the walkie-talkie curiously in his hands, impressed by its weight when it supposedly had such a simple function. He’d never really understood her obsession with the twentieth century. From what he’d read, things really weren’t all that much better than they were now. He’d been working on a goober – though LYLA liked to call it a gizmo, mostly to spite him, he’s sure – to potentially see for himself in another universe, if he didn’t, y’know… die in the process.

That was later Miguel’s issue, though, and a worthy risk if he might be able to bring Xina a matching machine to complete her set. He didn’t get her obsession, but he didn’t have to. It was important to her, and that’s what was important to him.

Almost inaudible in his concentrated confusion, he mumbled, “Qué extraño…”

“What was that?”

“I said ‘super cool.’”

With another huff, Xina took the artefact from his hands once more, placing it back down onto the table. “Yeah, alright, you liar.”

Despite the practised angry tone, Miguel could see the way her lips quirked up in a smile, and he couldn’t help but snicker a bit. She’d always known him too well to believe nice lies. It was part of the reason why Miguel used to be so afraid of her, though the admission was something he still hadn’t quite come to terms with. Afraid was a strong word, but it was also an accurate one. Miguel was afraid to be seen for what he was, because he was even more afraid that he was something not worth seeing. Xina had never seemed to agree with that sentiment, though.

“Okay, maybe I don’t get it,” he admitted, hands on his hips once more.

“Of course you don’t,” Xina returned, cruel teasing words accompanied by a sweet smile. “I was always much smarter than you.”

“Har, har,” he said sarcastically. “Very funny.”

“Who said I was joking?” Then, before Miguel could respond, “how are you and… Diana, was it?”

“Dana.”

“Yeah, that one,” she said, snappily enough that it was clear that she’d actually known the answer all along, which Miguel was well aware of, considering how LYLA had returned to him with intricately coded insults specifically in Dana’s name. “You haven’t talked about her in a while. Did you two finally break up?”

Without missing a beat, Miguel fixed her with a sarcastic smile. “Yes, actually! Thanks so much for asking.”

Despite the nature of the question, his answer seemed to genuinely catch Xina off guard, her eyes going wide and mouth falling open. Her eyes searched his face as her brows furrowed, a mixture of guilt and some kind of indecipherable relief shining in her gaze as the gears turned in her mind and grasped for a response. It was almost amusing to see Xina so stumped when, normally, she was so quick on the draw. There were very few times that Miguel had seen her well and truly left without words, though, unfortunately, the twinge of bitterness and healthy dose of grief made it difficult to enjoy to its fullest.

“Congratulations,” she blurted, then immediately cringed at herself, a hand coming up to her forehead with an audible smack, and, admittedly, Miguel’s eyes widened a considerable degree, too. “Wait, fuck-” she backtracked. “That’s not what I meant at all. I’m sorry, Mig-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Miguel hastily interrupted, pushing down hurt and hiding it behind a quirked brow. “What did you just say?”

Shrinking in on herself, Xina cringed again. “Congratulations?”

“No, no, not that,” he said, and a hand waved her off almost dismissively. “The other thing.”

“I’m… sorry?” she tried again, brows furrowed in confusion. Her arms, which she’d wrapped tightly around her shoulders, loosened their grip, though the tension didn’t leave her.

Miguel shook his head with another wave of his hand. “Not that either. The f-word.”

Eyes narrowing, Xina tilted her head forward. “Fuck?”

A short, breathless laugh fell from his mouth. “Oh, my god,” he nearly whispered, his eyes wide behind his sunglasses. “What are you, a millennial?”

“Wha-” Again, Xina’s eyes went wide, and her hands fell from her shoulders completely. “Miguel, are you kidding? That’s what you’re upset about? Me saying fuck?”

Face deadly serious, Miguel nodded once more as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Nobody says ‘fuck’ anymore. I know you’re into the whole twencen thing, but cursing is a sacred thing. You need to act like a civilised human being and say ‘shock.’”

As if she was entirely unsure how to react, Xina’s mouth still hung open uselessly, her eyes searching Miguel’s almost urgently. When all she was met with was his carefully practised mask of apathy, she managed a surprised scoff and picked her jaw up from off of the floor. Miguel, to his credit, managed to hold himself together, too, and raised a brow.

“You’re unbelievable,” she sputtered.

“Thank you,” came the response.

Then, “No, you are genuinely…” but she didn’t finish, the words trailing off, and Xina’s eyes narrowed once more. She leaned back on her feet, managing to actually look somewhat intimidating despite how much shorter she was than Miguel. Her arms crossed, and she fixed him with an unimpressed look that made his skin crawl just a bit. “I see what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything,” he lied through his teeth, trying desperately to keep the tension out of his shoulders.

“No, no, you are,” Xina insisted, no longer falling for his antics. “I’ve known you since we were kids, Miguel. I know all of your stupid little tricks, probably better than you know them yourself.” She approached him, and, really, despite Miguel quite literally towering over her, he still felt small under her glare. “I’m gonna apologise to you, whether you like it or not.”

“Xina,” Miguel began uneasily, giving her his best attempt at a placating smile. “Come on… Let’s not be rash. I cheated on you, and you told me ‘congratulations’ when I broke up with my fiancée. We can just call it even.”

“Alright, first of all,” Xina began, a finger waving in Miguel’s face.

“Oh, boy.”

“Those two things are not comparable,” she hissed, though Miguel’s attention was mostly on the way that her finger moved in front of him. “And second of all-”

“Right.”

“I am better than you.”

“Uh huh.”

“I apologise to people when I hurt them, even if they don’t deserve it.”

“Oh, great.”

“So, I- Are you even listening?” 

At that, her hand stilled, and Miguel frowned, his eyes refocusing on her face. “What?”

“Unbelievable.”

“I’m kidding! Come on, let’s just forget about it,” Miguel practically pleaded. “We can watch one of those twencen movies you like. One with that actress you really like, uh…” He trailed off, face screwed up in focus, mumbling, “ay, ¿cómo se llama?” then, with a snap of his fingers, “Marilyn Monroe!”

Xina placed her hands on her hips, brows furrowed as she eyed him. “You’re really sad about it, huh?”

A scowl found its way onto Miguel’s face once more, and he ran a hand over his face and through his hair in exasperation. “Ámi, I don’t know how I can be any clearer that I do not want to talk about it, or even think about it, for that matter.”

“Alright, alright,” Xina relented, raising her hands in surrender. There was a beat before she snickered a bit, shoving Miguel’s arm with a smile that was a bit too soft. “Look at Miguelito! He grew a heart, eh? What’d you do with the real Miguel?”

Despite the teasing, Miguel couldn’t help but to return her smile. “I guess someone got fed up with his ‘pompous’ attitude and killed him,” he answered, and the two laughed.

In a way, Miguel knew that it was irresponsible and selfish to hold all of his hurt as close to his chest as possible only to inevitably lash out when someone happened to push the wrong buttons. More than anything, he was terrified of being like his father; or, step-father, rather. George O’Hara had chosen the worst possible way to express his feelings, and it had, admittedly, left Miguel terrified to express his at all. It felt safer to just keep them to himself, up until the point that he couldn’t take it anymore and ended up taking it out on someone else, and, in the moment immediately after, Miguel realised just how much like George O’Hara he really was.

The thought was enough to make him feel sick, and it just made him work even harder to be everything his father wasn’t, for better or for worse.

George O’Hara never would have taken up the mantle of Spider-Man, and, even if he had, he certainly wouldn’t have used the position for any damn good. Knowing the bastard, he probably would have used his abilities to come up with new and improved ways to torment his family. If Miguel couldn’t say he was better than his father in any other way, at least he could say that he was better than him in that.

Still, there were more days than Miguel liked to admit that he wondered whether he was doing the right thing by trying to use his powers for good, or if he really was just using it to boost his own ego like Gabriel had accused him of.

“Hey,” came Xina’s gentle call, her hand pressed against his bicep gently, grounding him. “Have you ever heard of Pac-Man?”

Miguel was quiet for a moment, then, “not even once.”

“Oh, man,” she said, her face cracking into a smile, “prepare to have your mind blown.”

To say Miguel’s mind was not blown would be an understatement. Of course, he knew by now that the things Xina found to be completely mind blowing were entirely different from the things Miguel would be impressed by, but, even with reasonably low expectations, this was a disappointment. She’d led him through her house, skillfully weaving around the organised clutter of twencen artefacts, then stopped – with the biggest, proudest smile Miguel had ever seen from her – in front of a rectangle with two buttons, a stick, and a screen. He raised a brow at the thing, then peeked over to Xina again.

“Well?” she prompted, gesturing to the box and confirming that Miguel wasn’t mistaken and that the real thing wasn’t hidden behind the rectangle. “What do you think?”

Again, his eyes slid over the thing, and, yeah, it really was just a couple of buttons and a stick, but, nevertheless, he smiled. “Consider my mind blown.”

“Yeah, alright,” she huffed. “Thanks for humouring me. I swear it gets better.” Xina beamed as she pulled the cabinet away from the wall with some degree of effort and pulled what looked to be some sort of tail from the object. Miguel watched in muted fascination as she stuck the thing into some sort of specially made device that connected the thing to the building’s power source… with a wire? Who would want that?

All at once, the thing’s screen flared to life with so few neon coloured pixels that they barely even made shapes but, somehow, managed to be bright enough to hurt anyway, making Miguel flinch even behind his sunglasses. Coupled with the almost ear-piercing music and sound effects that accompanied it, he could safely say that he was less impressed than he was bothered. As Xina once again turned her smile to him, gesturing to the screen with all of the enthusiasm of a child, Miguel wouldn’t have dared to say it aloud.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said, and that much, at least, was true.

“I know, I know. It’s pretty awesome,” Xina bubbled, and her smile turned mischievous. “The best part? It’s two player.”

That made Miguel raise a brow in genuine interest. “It’s a game?”

“Finally have your interest, huh?” she teased. “It is a game. One of the first, actually.”

Miguel peered at the screen again, watching yellow pixels dart across, occasionally followed by red, blue, pink, or orange. His head cocked to the side, and he took a bit of a hesitant step closer. “How do you play?”

With a snicker, Xina rubbed her hands together before lacing them together and pushing them forward with an accompanying crack. “Watch and learn, rookie.”

As it turned out, Pac-Man was actually a relatively simple game; you (the yellow munching thing, though Miguel did not get an answer as to what it was other than “he’s Pac-Man!”) needed to travel through the maze and eat all of the dots (why, Xina couldn’t tell him) and avoid getting touched by the multicoloured “ghosts” that would chase you throughout the map (which, again, Xina couldn’t explain, but maybe it didn’t matter). There was also fruit that occasionally popped up for some reason – though all it really seemed to do was increase score – and bigger dots that turned the ghosts blue (“Xina, there’s already a blue ghost.” “Well, these are bluer.”) and made them edible, apparently. Though, the ghosts never stayed dead; whereas Pac-Man only got three lives. Miguel commented on the unfairness of it, but Xina didn’t seem particularly interested.

So, all that said, it should have been a pretty easy game. Xina certainly made it look easy, weaving between ghosts with ease and timing her dot collection just right to ensure that she could take out each enemy in one fell swoop. She only played a few levels, noting that the ghosts would get faster and faster, before she intentionally lost so the two of them could play together; which was the same as single player except the game forced you to take turns. Whoopie.

As easy as the game looked, though, Miguel ate his words more than he ate dots as he struggled through his first life.

“What the- What the shock?!” he hissed as he got stuck in a corner for the fifth time, struggling to time the joystick movement with the direction he wanted to go. He whirled to face his companion again, eyes blown wide with frustration. “Xina, it’s shocking broken. It’s these controls, I swear. They’re ancient. Are you sure it’s working?”

Barely containing her laughter, Xina gestured to the screen. “The game’s still going, Mig.”

“¡Chale!” Miguel all but screeched as he turned back to the game, furiously pulling at the joystick once more. “Este jodido juego es tan… ¡Qué mierda! Ay, no, no, no… Aléjense de mí, ¡cabrones! No quiero que me toquen, por favor, moriré- Ah! No! Shit, shit- ¡Coño! Shock!”

As the yellow pixels curled in on themselves in death, Miguel wailed at the screen in frustration, though he perked up as he heard the distinct sound of wheezing from behind him. Concerned for a moment, he quickly turned to check on Xina before his concerned expression fell away into annoyance once more. Xina was laughing so hard her face had turned red, cheeks wet with tears as she barely held herself up against a nearby dresser.

“Oh, yeah, laugh it the shock up, asshole,” Miguel grumbled, though the words came out sounding half-hearted at best.

“You are- so bad!” Xina managed to get out through wheezes. “I don’t think I’ve heard you curse that much ever!” With a short yelp, her hand slipped off of her crutch, and she slipped to the floor – thankfully harmlessly – and her fist pounded against the carpeting like a lifeline as she started to laugh once more.

Unimpressed, Miguel squatted down beside her. “Hey, Xina.”

Taking a few more moments to learn how to breathe again, Xina only hummed, glancing up to him with tears still streaking down her cheeks and eyes crinkled in a smile.

Miguel jerked a hand towards the screen, giving her his own grin. “The game’s still going.”

All at once, her laughter died away, and she rocketed to her feet, nearly taking Miguel out in the process. “Fuck!”

Then, it was his turn to laugh as she scrambled to get away from the oncoming enemies, though Xina was certainly much more successful in the endeavour than he was, managing to make it through a couple more levels despite her setback before she finally took her first death. 

With a grandiose laugh, she turned back to Miguel and grinned. “Beat that, bitch!”

Scoffing, Miguel took the joystick into his hand and leaned in close to the screen. “Easily.”

Unfortunately, he did not, in fact, “beat that,” bitch. 

In reality, Miguel only managed to make it through the first level, then near immediately lost his last two lives at the very beginning of the second one while, in the intermission between his second and third life, Xina made it all the way to level twenty-six. Needless to say, she had not only beaten him but, also, thoroughly humiliated him in the process. Not that Miguel could possibly be frustrated with the loss when Xina was smiling at him the way she was. In that moment, it really was like nothing had changed, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel lighter than he had in years.

Leaning over her shoulder as Xina prepared herself for last life, she bounced on the balls of her feet and took a deep breath.

“What’s with the face?” Miguel questioned, startling her out of her focus and making her yelp, and he snickered a bit before whispering an apology. “You’ve already beat me, ámi. By no small number, might I, regretfully, add.”

Without so much as a glance towards him, Xina scoffed, the sound accompanied by the skillful flick of the joystick every which way. “Not everything’s about you, Miguel. I’ve almost beaten my highscore.”

A beat, as he remembered just how much effort she’d put into ensuring she beat him. “...You’re sure it’s not even about me a little bit?”

“Shut up,” she hissed. “I’m trying to focus.”

“Alright, alright,” he snickered, putting his attention onto the game right alongside her.

Pac-Man is, admittedly, not as much of a disappointment as Miguel had initially chalked it up to be. In fact, he might even go so far as to say that he was wrong entirely and that the game was actually rather fun, though he wasn’t sure that it would be entirely fair to attribute his amusement to the game so much as the person he was playing it with. At the end of the day, it was just a few pixels on a screen – something that was over a century obsolete and had long since been replaced with far more complex and involved experiences – but there wasn’t anything that could ever possibly equal the time he spent with Xina or make him feel the way her laugh did.

…He’d forgotten the way that she stuck the tip of her tongue out when she was focusing.

As three of the four ghosts closed in on Xina, Miguel couldn’t help but wince. “Uh… please tell me you’ve beaten it.”

“Fuck!” was all he got in response, then, “this fucking game is so… What the hell?! Oh, no, no, no… Get away from me, bastards! I don’t want you to touch me, please, I’ll die- Ah! No! Shit, shit- Fuck! Fuck!”

Yellow pixels curled in on themselves in death as Xina wailed at the screen, and Miguel could barely hold himself up from the force of his laughter, mouth wide open as he cackled unabashedly. His chest heaved desperately for air, only for it to come out in more snorts and snickers, and Xina, clearly just as amused with the situation as he was, turned to him with a poor imitation of a scowl, her lips pulled up wide into a smile.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it the fuck up, asshole,” she chided light-heartedly.

Then, all at once, her smile dropped, and her eyes went wide. The suddenness of it all was enough to near instantly cut off Miguel’s laughter, too, though his smile didn’t quite fall away yet. It warped into something nervous, and a few more uncomfortable laughs fell from him, his brows furrowing into something concerned.

“...What?” he asked cautiously. “What’s wrong?”

Xina didn’t say a word, though she approached him with her own skittishness, taking his cheek in her hand and leaning in close, and Miguel’s face flushed bright red.

There was a moment, however brief, that he was sure that she was going to kiss him.

Then, her finger hooked his upper lip and pulled it upwards, her eyes widening even further as her breath hitched, and, even then, Miguel still didn’t quite get it. It wasn’t until she spoke, voice shaky and small, that he understood.

“Fangs.”

A terrified bolt of dread lanced straight into Miguel’s chest, getting lodged there and weighing him down; stealing his air. His body immediately went tense, his eyes wide, and a trembling hand reached up and ghosted Xina’s, gently pulling it away from his face.

“Xina.” His voice came out strained, equally as small as hers.

“Miguel, you- you have fangs,” she nearly whispered, as if it was some sort of horrifying secret that might get her into trouble if she said it just a bit too loud.

“Xina, I… I can explain.”

With a squeak, she pulled out of his grasp, and he let her. She held her hand close to her chest, as if he’d somehow burned it, and her mouth hung agape in abject horror. “What happened to you? Miguel, I- I know where you work. I know what you do. What did you… What did you do to yourself?”

“It’s not like that,” he breathed, though the truth wasn’t far enough off.

“Then what is it like?” Xina demanded, though the way her voice wavered made the command fall flat. “What happened to you?”

“It was an accident,” and that, at least, was the truth.

“An accident?” she echoed. The way that it was said made it clear she wasn’t quite buying it. “So, what, you meant to alter your own genetics in another way?”

“No,” Miguel shot back in horror, then, “well- well, yes, but-”

“Oh, my god.” Xina blanched. “Miguel-”

“No, no, it’s not-”

“Yes, ‘it’s not like that,’ I know.”

“No, Xina,” he cried. “Just-”

“I really thought you’d changed,” she muttered, trembling. “I really thought-

“Please,” he pleaded, taking a step forward, “just-”

“Miguel,” Xina interrupted again shakily, stepping back in kind. “How can you possibly justify this?”

Dismayed, Miguel backed away, too, hands raised. “I can explain, Xina. Please-”

“Then do it, Miguel!”

“I’m trying. Please, just-”

“Just what?”

“Just listen!” Miguel finally shouted, brows furrowed and hands gesturing in frustrated desperation.

A scream tore from Xina’s throat and she stumbled away, her hands shooting up in front of her as if to push him away, and Miguel choked away a scream of his own, his eyes going wide. Her gaze fixated on his hands, chest heaving desperately.

“Claws!” she screeched. “You’re- You’re a monster!”

“No, I-” Peering down to his raised hands where his talons had inadvertently popped out, he gasped and immediately retracted them, glancing back up to Xina with his own look of horror. He looked distraught, face screwed up in distress, and he stepped backwards once more. Claws, fangs, yelling just as his father had, and Xina looked just as terrified as he’d felt. He loathed himself at the thought. “I- I am. I am a monster.”

Xina’s expression shifted, though only minutely, as she remained poised for fight or flight, breaths still coming in short gasps.

“I’m sorry, Xina,” Miguel sobbed, and his hands moved to clasp over his chest to steady himself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled. I didn’t mean to- I didn’t mean to scare you. Please, I… I wouldn’t hurt you, Xina. Never. Never. Not like that.”

There was quiet again for a moment, and Xina’s eyes narrowed, sliding over him in suspicion; over his hands, to his mouth, then, to his eyes. Her eyes met his through his shades, and he carefully, hesitantly, raised a trembling hand to remove them, giving her full view of his eyes and all of the ways they had changed. Again she gasped, met with bright red as opposed to the brown Miguel knew she was accustomed to, and his breath hitched once more. He hoped that his eyes didn’t hold the same agony he felt, though he wasn’t sure he was so lucky; pain never was something that allowed itself to be quietly hidden away. Maybe that was another reason for the sunglasses.

Seconds ticked by, and they simply stared at one another, words drowned by terror and uncertainty that stole the air from both of their lungs, then Xina’s brows furrowed, and her eyes softened ever so slightly. She took a hesitant breath and stepped forward, reaching a hand out.

Breathless, Miguel eyed her hand and shuffled a bit back.

With a frown, Xina once more approached him, fear replaced by determination. “It’s alright,” she said, kindness in her voice, so sweet it almost felt placating, and it probably was. “It’s okay, Miguel. I’m listening now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

This time, he didn’t move away, but he still hesitated to take her hand.

“Come on, Miggy,” she urged. “I was just… startled. I know you’d never hurt me.” She wiggled her hand a bit, frowning at him. “I shouldn’t have called you a monster,” Xina mumbled, her voice breaking. “You’re not a monster. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Miguel.”

With an exceptional amount of gentleness, Miguel inched forward and took her hand into his. He fearfully met her eyes, all of his hurt on full display, then, “What… What did you say?”

Her eyes shone with sorrow, and she gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Miguel. I should’ve never said what I did.”

“No, not that,” he gently corrected. “The other thing.”

Xina’s head cocked to the side, then, all at once, her eyes went wide. “Miguel.”

“The f-word…” he whispered with almost reverent horror.

Laughing wetly, Xina stepped forward and used her free hand to beat against his chest. “You’re unbelievable!” Her fist came to rest against him gently, and she frowned. “Fangs, claws, red eyes, and you really haven’t changed a bit. I should’ve known.”

“I’m Spider-Man,” Miguel blurted, and Xina made a choked sound, looking back up at him.

“Alright, maybe you’ve changed a little.”

A hand came up to ghost Xina’s cheek, and he gently wiped away her silent tears. “Is that a bad thing?”

She leaned into his touch, though her eyes remained fixed on his. “I… I don’t know. Is it?”

Miguel frowned, looking away. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I’m… I’m trying to be good; better than I was before.”

“Well,” she hummed, removing her hand from his chest and placing it over the one placed on her cheek, “that’s all you can really do, I guess. For the record, I think you’re better already. The old you never would have risked his neck for someone else.” A beat. “Or apologised. Or pretended to like some twencen stuff just because I do.”

“The game was fun,” Miguel confessed.

Again, Xina hummed, a small smile on her face. “You really think so?”

“I do.”

“Well, gee, how bad of a change could you have possibly gone through, then?” she teased half-heartedly. “Seems like it gave you better taste.”

“Har, har,” he huffed sarcastically. “Very funny.”

“Who said I was joking?” Then, before Miguel could respond, “I really am sorry, you know. For calling you a monster.”

Immediately, he fixed her with a frown, averting his eyes once more as all of the hurt from before returned. “Aw, shock. And here I’d thought my sly tactic had worked this time.”

With a sad laugh, Xina patted his hand, gently pulling it away from her face and holding it down by where their other pair were still interlocked. “On me? Never.”

Miguel glanced down at their linked hands, thinking of his claws and how terrified Xina had been of them mere minutes earlier. Aaron had been terrified of them too, back when the guy had tried to kill Miguel and gotten himself killed instead, and he’d had a right to be when Miguel had shredded his skin without even realising he was doing it. How many times could one person accidentally hurt someone else before it meant that he was simply something evil and wrong; a monster. 

Exhaling shakily, Miguel’s face fell, his shoulders sagging as he tried hard to keep back tears. “Well, you were right. I am.”

“Miguel O’Hara,” Xina hissed, squeezing his hands hard; enough to make him wince.

His eyes met hers again, unwavering. “Xina Kwan.”

She didn’t speak, her expression screwing up into that same withering glare she’d fixed him with earlier, but Miguel still didn’t back down.

“You said it yourself,” he retorted to her silent disagreement. “I messed with something I shouldn’t have, and now I’m here.” The next words were spat, like venom. “A monster.”

“You are not a monster,” Xina seethed once more, as unwilling to give in as he was.

It was times like these that made Miguel less grateful how stubborn she was. It was also times like these that reminded Miguel why he’d left her for Dana; though, even more strongly, why he shouldn’t have. And, really, it was times like these that actually made Miguel all the more grateful that she was, in fact, as stubborn as she was. He knew well that he’d back down before she did. He always had. As arrogant and self-absorbed as Miguel may have been, he was also a coward. Xina had never been a coward.

“Monsters are scary, Miguel,” she continued, insistent as always. “You’re hardly scary.”

Scoffing, Miguel rolled his eyes, brows furrowed. “You seemed pretty afraid of me.”

“Startled,” Xina quickly corrected. “There’s a difference. I could hardly be afraid of someone who can’t even beat me in Pac-Man.”

He laughed shortly, glancing at her with narrowed eyes. “That’s your standard?”

“For you it is,” she smirked up at him, “because it’s never going to happen.”

“You’re unbelievable,” he said.

“Thank you,” came the response.

Looking about as pleased as he felt, Miguel gave in, his head falling forward with a sigh. “You don’t even know what happened,” he mumbled. “What if that changes your mind?”

“You said it was an accident,” she said, leaning her own head forward so she could still see his eyes.

“It was,” he immediately confirmed, a little too desperately. “It was, but…” He paused, teeth gritting as he struggled to get the words out. It was difficult for him to tell if he just didn’t know what to say, or if he was too afraid to actually say it. Both options were equally as likely, and, also, equally as frustrating. “I… If I’d been smarter- If I’d just been more careful in the first place, then I never would have needed to- I wouldn’t have had to- Because I had to, Xina, I swear. Or- Or I thought I did. You have to understand that I- I didn’t want to… But if I’d just- I don’t know. If I’d done better- If I’d been better I… I wouldn’t be…”

When he trailed off for the second time, lips pursed with frustration both at his past self for everything that had gone wrong and for his current self for messing this up, too, Xina hummed and graced his hand with another comforting squeeze, forcing him to look up at her and meet her gaze with misty eyes.

“It’s okay, Miguel,” she gently assured. “You don’t have to tell me. You may have been pompous-”

“I was not pompous.”

“-but you were never stupid, do you hear me? Arrogance or not, I don’t pin you as the kind of man to mess with his genetics just for fun,” Xina conceded, and a bit of the tension left Miguel’s shoulders. Then, she huffed, smiling teasingly and clearly trying to lighten the mood. “Especially since you so clearly thought you were perfect already.”

Miguel glowered at her, though it wasn’t very intimidating with his hands still gently held by hers and eyes still red with unshed tears. “Pushing your luck with the guy with claws. Not very smart.”

“Yeah, yeah. Beat me at Pac-Man, and then try threatening me again.” She laughed, meeting his eyes with her own sparkling with empathetic grief; there was a distinct lack of fear where there had been before, and Miguel couldn’t help but to let out a small breath of relief. She must have heard it because she gripped his hand tightly once more. 

“You don’t have to tell me what happened,” Xina repeated, firm. “It wasn’t intentional. That’s what I was really worried about. That would have been scary.” She brought their hands up between them, glancing to them and smiling. “Claws or not, you’re still the same old Miguel.”

Miguel’s eyes locked onto their hands, too, and he managed to return a small smile. The relief was both light and heavy at the same time, making his shoulders sag in exhaustion as all of the tension and adrenaline resided and left him with the familiar fatigue of the moment the fight ended and he felt safe once more. Although he’d never say it out loud – knowing well that he’d be teased for it – Miguel could firmly admit that none of the foes he’d faced as Spider-Man had ever scared him half as much as this, and, in turn, they’d never left him with half of the respite after the fact.

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” he murmured. “Not yet.”

“Whenever you want, Miguel,” Xina replied, genuine, then, after a beat, “I do have one question, though.”

Frowning, Miguel hesitated again.

“It’s really simple, I promise!” she reassured, shaking his hands with a bit of a laugh. “You don’t have to answer. Just hear me out.”

Only minimally soothed, he let out a long sound of dismay that ended with an exasperated, “fine. Shoot.”

Then, face beaming, Xina asked the most stupid question Miguel could have possibly thought of, “Are you a vampire?”

For a moment, he could only stare, too surprised to even remember how to show it. Then, his eyes narrowed, and he cocked his head to the side with a pointed look. “I remember you being smarter,” he deadpanned.

Finally, Xina pulled her hands out of his, raising them in surrender with a vivacious laugh. “I just had to be sure!”

“Oh, you just had to be sure. Of course,” Miguel echoed, unamused. “Well, I hope you’re satisfied with yourself, idiota.” He huffed, arms crossed over his chest.

“Quite satisfied, as a matter of fact,” she shot back, and how could he be mad when she was smiling at him like that.

Biting back a laugh, he tried harder to maintain his frown. “You’re the worst, do you know that? Just the worst.”

“Aw, come on,” she tutted. “If I’m so bad, then why were we a couple?” Xina smirked, quoting his own words from their reunion all those weeks ago.

Then, Miguel couldn’t hold back his smile anymore, returning her exact response. “Because I felt sorry for you,” he quoted. “And it bugged my dad.”

“As good of a reason as any,” she hummed, a hand resting on her hip. Then, her eyes narrowed as she seemed to realise something. “You know, I know I made fun of you for that wall crawling joke back then, but, knowing what I know now, it actually is funny.”

A short huff of surprise fell from Miguel’s mouth at the statement, and he was reminded again just how different Xina Kwan was from Dana D’Angelo; someone who certainly wouldn’t understand what had happened to him, and someone who had pushed him for the truth even when he’d begged her not to; not Xina Kwan; not the person who’d believed he could be better even when he didn’t want to be and encouraged him once he finally did. The realisation was a pleasant one – a rare moment of pure glee that he revelled in amidst all of the sorrow he’d been surrounded by as of late – and his face was overtaken by a wide smile, red eyes crinkling in joy and fangs on full display as he laughed once more.

This time, Xina didn’t even flinch, just laughing along with him.

[buster-loves-pr]

Roleswap!Dana is sorta different from canon Ryan

While she wants to get revenge on her dad and brother, she is more rebellious compare to canon Ryan. When she was first released from the demon realm to get the Titaniumtm morpher, it was late afternoon. She ended up wondering the city, getting curious but stayed focused at the the end, sneaking into the Aquabase and taking the morpher

After the first fight, Diabolico tells her they’re returning to the demon realm to regroup. She refuses and wants to continue exploring the city and ultimately Diabolico lets her go to do but he’s not happy about it. She sees a pair of siblings in a park playing together which further breaks and angers her heart

After getting beaten in the second fight (the rangers retreating and knowing who she is) Diabolico is manipulating her with the “he wanted to save his som. He didn’t care for you”. It angers Dana and she back to focusing on the revenge

Ryan (who tends to get a lot more emotional/angry whenever his sister is brought up) is pretty angry at his dad for not telling him the truth. He decides to be reckless and goes to find Dana himself. The same thing happens in the episode where the siblings fight but Ryan isn’t able to make Dana remember since she was so much younger when the incident happened. However Ryan does say

“We loved you. I loved you. I missed you for all these years. Every single birthday, I wished that you were still with us. Please, Dana, we didn’t mean to give you up to the demons”

It’s Dana first time seeing those emotions from the ranger, especially from her brother that she despised for all those years . She doesn’t even know what to say, mixed emotions running through her but Ryan tries to reach out for her. It almost works but the other rangers come and Dana runs off

She eventually wanders through the city, watching people’s behaviors and ends up in the same park. Seeing the brother sister pair again but this time their dad was with them, playing with them. She found herself interested in a dandelion when Carter appears (who was walking Ryan’s cat and watched her from afar) and tries to talk some sense into her

“Destroying the city would destroy those kids you’re watching. All the stuff you found interesting, it would be gone. Your father was a great guy, he would have done anything to save you.”

Hearing the last sentence, Dana tells Carter to have Captain Mitchell meet her at the same cliff they fell, years ago, the next day.

A monster attacks happen the next day and the rangers are busy with that. Mitchell walks run to Dana as she stares down at the cliff. She’s full of emotions. She does spat some hateful words toward him but she takes Carter and Ryan’s words into consideration

“They said you would do anything to save me. And I doubt that”

She jumps off the cliff, expecting her dad to let her fall. However Captain Mitchell jumps and grabs her. Telling her, he wasn’t going to let this happen again. Dana’s shocked at this and quickly morphs and they both hit the ground

Mitchell has the same speech as he did with Ryan, Dana also dropping the morpher. The same thing happens where Dana finally leaves with the demons but she ends up wandering the city instead of going to the Aquabase

[khaylin27]

It's time for a Teller Wedding!

Part 5 of DODGERS VS PHILLIES BABY!!!

Pairing: Miles Teller x Fem!Reader

Chapter Summary: A couple months after the proposal, you guys decide to have the wedding in the Phillies stadium but have a little Dodger twist to it.

Warnings: FLUFF

Word Count: 1067

A/N: BEFORE Y'ALL COME AT ME, I respect Miles and Keleigh's relationship and marriage. THEY ARE RELATIONSHIP GOALS!!!! I wanted to write this because I love Miles and baseball. If you feel this isn't for you, please don't read it. 

Ever since Miles proposed to you at Dodgers stadium 8 months ago, you guys have been planning. Today is the day you get married!

The theme of the wedding had to be baseball but it was at Phillies Stadium. You were opposed to it at first, but after a little convincing from Miles, you decided to have it at Phillies Stadium. That place was a special place for you guys since that was where you guys had your first date.

Right now you were getting really in the visitors locker room at Phillies stadium. It was all decked out in Dodger decorations since it was the visitor's locker room.

"Are you ready Y/N?" You hear your mother call you from the door. Currently you are finishing your makeup and about to put on your wedding dress. " On my."

You see your Mom about to burst into tears, "Oh mom, don't start crying. I'm not in my dress yet." You give your mom a tissue so she can gently wipe the tears that were leaking out.

" I know, you look so pretty already. I'm just happy you're getting married" You smiled at her and gave her a hug.

As you were giving her a big hug, your brother came into the room. " Eww you look ugly." Your mother gently smacks Calvin for his comment. "I'm kidding. You look alright." 

"Thanks Calvin. Now I'm going to put on my dress. Get out or else you're going to see me naked." Calvin runs out of the room and you guys laugh. " Let's put on my dress. Can you help me mom?"

Your wedding dress was simple, the top had white lace and the bottom had a fluffy train of fabric. It may be simple but you loved it. You knew that Miles would love it too.

Once you're in your dress, your soon to be in-laws ask to come in. You agree for them to come in and they're in shock.

"Omg! Y/N you look so beautiful in your dress." Miles's sister, Dana compliments you. You thank her as you look in the mirror for the millionth time.

" Is Miles ready?" You ask your soon to be mother in law.

" Yes, he's ready. Are you ready soon to be Mrs. Teller?" 

"I'm so ready." 

Wedding Ceremony

Miles was at the altar waiting for you to come. He was so excited to get married to you, he wanted to get it over with so he can call you his wife. 

All of a sudden he hears wedding music play and sees you walking down the aisle with your father. You look absolutely perfect in your wedding dress.

Once you get to the altar he smiles at you, " You look perfect Sugar."

" You look very handsome Hot Stuff." You smile at him. " Let's get married."

Pastor: Welcome everyone to the wedding of Y/N and Miles. Thank you for being here in celebration of love. The couple has decided to give their wedding vows. Miles, you may go first.

"Okay here it goes." Everyone, including you, starts laughing. "Y/N. The moment I met you I knew you were the one. I may have been drunk at the wedding that we met but you gave me your number." They laugh once again.

"I texted you the next day and asked you out on a date. Thank God it was Phillies vs Dodgers because if it wasn't I would've lost you. Overall, I'm so happy that we got together and are now getting married. I can't believe I get to do life with you. I'm so excited to get to live together, have children, and grow old together. I love you Sugar."

The Pastor tells you it's your turn. You wipe your tears and start talking. " Miles, my love. When we first met we were at the same table. You were drunk and dancing to Single Ladies on the dance floor while I was watching Dodgers vs Angels at the table. You came to the table to get another drink but it turned into us talking. You asked for my number but I was nervous that you would forget me. I took a leap of Faith and gave you my number. The next day I was surprised that you texted me so we started talking. You then asked me if I wanted to go to a Phillies game with you and I asked if the Dodgers were playing. If they weren't I would've not come." The whole crowd plus Miles was laughing with you.

"I'm so glad you invited me to that game. I knew you were the one that day when you were holding my hand as we got out of the car. I love you so much that I can put on a Phillies jersey for you." You laugh as tears come from your eyes. Miles helps you and wipes your tears. 

"I love you Miles. I can't wait to do life with you. To move in together, to have mini Y/N and Miles, and to grow old together. I love you Hot Stuff."

Pastor: By the power vested in me and by the state of Pennsylvania, I announce you as Mr. and Mrs. Teller, husband and wife!

The crowd of people who were invited cheers as you and Miles kiss. You look into each other and smile. This has to be the happiest day of your life.

Wedding After Party

The After party was amazing, all your friends and family were there including some baseball players that you and Miles knew. You guys had a good time dancing and getting drunk, Miles was so drunk that he put on a Dodgers jersey and told you how much he loves you. You had to take a photo of that so you can post it on Instagram.

Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Teller!

Here's to be added to the taglist

Taglist:(crossed out means I couldn't tag you) @eternalsams @angiem219 @mizzysx @xlynnx07 @withakindheartx @lethalbeautiful @atarmychick007 @shanimallina87 @adoringsebstan @mak-32 @nograce-nomercy @brittancqs

[luckyqueenreign]

No Other Love - Chapter 4: Sparks

Gemma deals with the fallout of a hidden truth from Suresh's past...

🎵 Song 🎵: Sparks

My heart is yours It's you that I hold on to Yeah, that's what I do

thank u to my fave @katsie for editing as per usual 💖💖 my EIC

Tag list: @katsie @future-mrs-suresh @litg-burnbook @0shewrites0 @bradybunch111 @whati390 @hi-im-karla @fujihime-litg @kunepie @differenttyphoonwerewolf @earlyevenings @pho3nixx67 @sienna2world @kikithegr8 @theesocialintrovert @iamgaryrennells @kiwi-tai @sortedchaos @pus-things @abecerra611 @ordoesshemouthfuckyouforever (let me know if you want to be added on to tag list)

Read on Ao3

They always say your life flashes before your eyes when you’re about to die. Fast moving images of happier times. Maybe it was meant to be a calming presence to remind you of your best times on Earth before you ventured into the other side. Was she dying? Why were all of her good memories with Suresh flashing before her eyes now? The two of them in a helicopter ride over Dubai, jumping off the side of a yacht and swimming in the Mediterranean, decorating a Christmas tree while his parents’ mischievous cat tried to knock the ornaments off, the two laughing while they sipped wine and danced around in their underwear, drunk off happiness more than the wine they consumed. But she knew she wasn’t dying, she could feel her heart beating erratically like it was trying to escape her body, so she was definitely alive. 

“He was going to propose to me, not her. ME!”   

The words echoed around in her head, causing her actual physical pain. She didn’t know what to do, what to think. She was completely overwhelmed by the tsunami of emotions crashing down on her, taking her under. She felt like she was gonna throw up. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t be. But it was. And it was happening in front of everyone. It was happening on TV. God she wanted to cry. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. 

Slowly the white noise around her cleared up. She blinked, clearing the haze from her eyes, and looked up at Kat who was standing in front of her, bombarding her with expletives and evil glares. She heard Finn close by, trying to make his way over, trying to reason with Kat. Meera was demanding Alfie explain why he hadn’t chosen her movie but Alfie was busy lashing out at Suresh, demanding answers about the supposed engagement ring. Suresh ignored him and pleaded with Gemma to have a private chat away from the others, Gabi hot on his heels demanded her own answers while Dana tried to stop her. It was complete and utter chaos. 

“Hey.” Gemma turned when she heard Lulu’s soft voice cut through the deafening shouts.

“You look a bit overwhelmed,” said Lulu. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Gemma nodded. “Yes.”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Kat snapped and grabbed Gemma’s arm as she stood up. “I am not done with you!”

“Kat, please–” Finn pleaded. 

“Fuck off, Finn!” Kat sneered, glaring at Gemma. “You’re not getting off that easy. We need to talk about Finn’s movie.”

Gemma yanked her arm free, barely glancing at Kat as she walked back towards the villa.

“Gemma, get back here!” Kat screamed.

“Gemma, you have to let me explain!” Suresh called out after her.

“Gemma, I didn’t say any of those things!” Nicolas shouted. “It was edited! That movie was completely out of context, the boys were winding me up. They got me to the point of saying those things but it’s not how I actually feel. I’d never say those things about you, it was just banter with the boys, you gotta trust me they didn’t show the full footage.”

That made Gemma spin on her heels, eyes ablaze with fury. “Let me get this straight,” she seethed. “Not only do you think I’m, what did you call it again, ‘desperate and lonely’? But you also take me for an absolute fool? Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

“Gemma–” Nicolas tried.

“Fuck off, Nicolas.”

“No, production needs to answer for the lies they edited together!” Nicolas continued. “It’s very convenient that Pete and Johnny aren’t here to back me up, but I never said those things.” 

Gemma looked at him and laughed bitterly. “The fact that you’re still lying about what was said when it was clear as day, is baffling. So I want to make myself abundantly clear so you aren’t confused by any ‘production edits.’ I will never in a million years be with you. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to even look at you. Leave me alone.” 

“But Gem-” 

“She said to leave her the fuck alone, Nicolas,” Suresh snarled. He walked the four short steps over to her and cupped her face while he tucked a strand of loose hair around her ear. 

“G, please, let me explain this,” said Suresh, and Gemma’s eyes locked on his. She didn’t try to hide the tears that rushed to her sea green eyes, there was no use. “I promise it’s not what you think–”

“I thought your lies couldn’t get any worse, Suresh,” Alfie interrupted. 

“You were planning to marry Gabi while you were stringing Gemma along?” asked Finn. 

“You’re a real piece of work, Suresh,” Dana snickered while Kat clicked her tongue. “Yeah, good luck explaining your way out of this one.” 

“That’s enough!” Suresh roared, rendering all of the islanders speechless. “This has nothing to do with any of you, none of you know what you’re talking about!”

“How do they not, Suresh?” said Gabi, having pushed her way past the others. “I know what I found.”

“Gabi–”

“How else do you explain the large emerald cut diamond ring I found buried deep in your closet?” 

“W-what?” Gemma looked between Gabi and Suresh. “Did you say an emerald cut? With smaller baguette diamonds on the side?”

Gabi gave her a confused look. “H-how did you know?” 

Gemma’s eyes locked back onto Suresh’s, and she opened her mouth to speak but words evaded her. She closed her mouth and tried again. 

“Like…like we always talked about…like my nan’s ring?” she asked, tears still flowing down her cheeks. 

He swallowed but nodded, then took a deep breath before he continued. “The ring was never meant for Gabi,” he said, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. “It was meant for you.” 

She was trembling, feelings of panic and despair now replaced with confusion and anger. 

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” she whispered indignantly. 

“I felt terrible after Excess Baggage. It was selfish of me not to say something sooner, but it broke my heart to know that I ruined everything between us. That you wanted everything I wanted, too.” 

“So everything you did, our whole relationship, was all based on lies?” Gabi’s question snapped them both back and Suresh turned to look at her. She was watching him with tears in her eyes. 

“It’s always been about her, hasn’t it? I was nothing to you?” 

“Gabi…” He slumped his shoulders and sighed. “I won’t make excuses for myself. I shouldn’t have led you on, and I should’ve been more upfront about my feelings. I wasn’t ready for a relationship so soon, not after…” He cleared his throat. “I-I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. Both of you.” 

“Whatever, Suresh.” Gabi stalked off towards the kitchen with Dana and Lulu following close behind her. 

“Gem, can we go chat about this, please?” Suresh asked. Gemma swallowed, her chest so tight and filled with more emotions than she knew what to do with. “Please, I need to talk to you. Alone. About everything we’ve seen tonight.”

“Okay.” Her reply came out in an unsure whisper, but he heard it nonetheless. She cleared her throat, then repeated, “Okay. We can talk.” 

The two of them made their way onto the roof terrace, both silent, timid and anxious. Neither of them knew what to do, what to say. Gemma felt a chill from the night air. All she wanted was for Suresh to hold her, wrap her arms around her, tell her everything was going to be okay. Like he’d used to. But at the same time, she didn’t want him to touch her, there was still too much going on, too many emotions she couldn’t control. There was just still too much left unsaid. They sat down in the same spot they’d talked a couple of days prior, but this time closer, no more than a foot of tensioned air between them. Neither made any move to separate or move further apart. 

Suresh nervously ran his large fingers through his hair and looked at Gemma. He carefully reached out and took her hands, relieved when she didn’t pull away. Then he sighed deeply. “Gem…I’m not really sure where to begin.” 

“Why don’t you start with why you didn’t tell me about the ring, Suresh.”

“I’m sorry. I had my reasons for not saying anything, though I know they’re all stupid and I regret not saying something to you sooner. I never mentioned the ring because I realized I don’t deserve someone like you.” 

With her brows furrowed, she didn’t hide her confusion but she let him continue. 

“You’ve never cheated, you deserve someone who has never put you through that pain and hurt. When I found out you wanted to propose too, my entire world shattered. To know that we could’ve been married right now had I not made that one mistake…it…it broke me.” 

Suresh shifted uncomfortably in his seat, biting back the tears that threatened to spill out of the corners of his eyes. He drew a shaky breath and continued. 

“That’s why I wanted you to move on. I knew Alfie was head over heels about you and at the time it just made sense that you should move on with someone like him. Dependable, caring, someone who had been burned before and would never do something like that to someone else.” Suresh sucked his teeth and rolled his eyes as he continued. “But clearly you can’t trust anyone in here and I ended up putting you through even more unnecessary hurt.”

Gemma considered his words, desperately holding her cards to her chest. Not wanting to reveal anything too soon, terribly afraid that if she revealed how she truly felt for him this house of cards they’d built would quickly come crashing down. 

“Cheating on you…” He paused, chewing on the inside of his cheek to shift the pain to something physical that he could focus on instead of the emotions causing havoc in his mind. “It was the single greatest mistake of my life. I’ve gone back to the moment several times in my head, wishing I could change the outcome, turn back time somehow. But obviously I never could.  So I’ve had to live with that guilt and the pain after what I did. I’ve spent so many nights thinking about the life we could’ve had together, the life we always dreamed about. Anytime I’d see a small little teddy bear looking dog on the street I’d think of you and the dog we always talked about getting after we moved in together. Every time I’d walk in my empty, lonely flat, I was hit with the cruel reminder that I wasn’t coming home to you, in the house we always dreamed about buying.” 

He breathed in sharply, as if the memory alone hurt him too much and he continued.  

“In the early days after it happened, I racked my brain trying to think of ways to get you to forgive me but I soon realized my efforts were futile, you were never coming back. But then Simon told me you were coming on Love Island and it felt like fate or God or whatever was calling out to me. I couldn’t just give up on you. I had to try one more time. For you, Gemma. For us.” 

Gemma bit her lip nervously, she was so confused, there were so many emotions clouding her mind at the moment. They’d been playing a game of hide and seek with their feelings since they first arrived in the villa. But could she continue with this game? Especially if she was the only one playing? 

All she wanted to do in this moment was reach out and touch his face, bring him closer to her, kiss him like she used to so many times before. Tell him how much she still loved him, how much she still wanted to be with him. But her fear got the better of her and she just looked at him with tear-stained eyes and said, “You’ve made a big mess of everything, haven’t you?” 

“I know I have G, and I’m sorry. I truly am. You’re the only person that I’ve ever loved. As much as I’ve tried to forget what we had, I can’t. I’m still in love with you. I will never not be in love with you.”

Gemma knew she shouldn’t, it was still too soon, there were still so many things up in the air, but she felt like she was going to explode. She knew her emotions were clouding her thinking, the rational part of her brain screaming at her to take a step back. But she didn’t listen. Instead she leaned in and their lips met in a single impulsive motion. The kiss started off slow and tender, both too scared to push the other too far. But soon it became feverish and desperate as they both realized how much they missed each other, remembered how much they loved each other. By the time they finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers as they tried to catch their breath. He couldn’t help but smile wide. 

“God, I’ve missed you.” He squeezed her tighter. 

A soft sob escaped her lips. “I’ve missed you too, Resh.” 

They just sat in silence for a moment, both drinking in the familiar smell of the other, trying to wrap their collective minds around what had just happened. “Babe, what does this mean for us?” Suresh asked, and although it was only a whisper it tore through the silence like a knife. 

Gemma paused, trying to think. What did this actually mean for them? She couldn’t hide her feelings for him anymore, moreover she didn’t want to. But she was still terrified of what could happen if she got too close again. She shuddered to think of the last time she had and how he had broken her to her core. Shattering any semblance of who she was previously. She looked at him again and knew there was only one answer. 

“I think it’s time I stopped ignoring my feelings for you and embraced what this is, what this could be. I’m done with the avoidance and the resentment.” She felt her throat close up, so she pulled away from him to try and collect herself, trying to clear her mind just a little. “I’ve known for a long time, even if I’ve tried to tell myself I don’t, I do.�� She met his gaze, his eyes finally showing the vulnerability she had longed for. 

“I still love you,” she said, and as she did so she felt herself relax, the tension leaving her body and she finally let go of the delusion she’d clung to to keep herself afloat. “I’ve never stopped loving you. But If we did decide to try again, we wouldn’t be the same.”

“I don’t need us to be the same.” He reached out and cupped her face, brushed his thumb over her cheek. “I just need us to be us again.” Then he wrapped his arms around her as tight as he could, almost not believing that this was actually happening. He pulled away just enough to kiss her, trying to convey how much he loved her and how sorry he was and how thankful he was. They both knew tonight wouldn’t solve all their problems, but they were together again and that was enough for now. 

As Suresh looked over the terrace he saw the lawn was completely empty, he noticed everyone else had made their way inside for bed. 

“I don’t want to rush you,” he said, clearing his throat. “But would you want to sleep outside on the daybeds with me tonight?”

“Being that the alternative is sleeping in a bed with Nicolas–” Gemma grimaced, making Suresh chuckle “–I think I’ll sleep with you tonight.” 

“That’s not the only reason you want to sleep with me tonight and you know it,” he snickered. 

“Maybe not,” she admitted, a comfortable warmth settling in her chest. She kissed him again softly before they headed inside to get ready for bed. 

Gemma couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so well. Even with the insane heat of the Mallorcan sun pounding down on them and Suresh’s leg splayed on top of her, his arm draped over her creating a pool of sweat in between their limbs, she’d never felt happier. She looked at his sleeping face and smiled, lacing her fingers through his hair. 

“Mmm…that feels good.” 

He opened his eyes slowly, bringing her closer to him still, pressing her body into his as he crashed his lips onto hers. His kiss grew bolder and more persistent, their hands exploring each other's bodies for the first time in over a year. As she pulled away slowly she could hear some islanders heading into the kitchen.

“We should probably get up, babe,” she sighed. 

“No…” he groaned, hugging her closer, burying his head in her neck. 

She started giggling, but he slowly started to get up, stretching his toned God-like physique. 

“Breakfast?”

“Yes, please,” she beamed. 

“Come on then. I need my sous chef, I’m gonna make your favorite chocolate chip pancakes.” 

At the prospect of delicious food, Gemma got up quickly. She took his hand in hers, and  they walked to the kitchen together. She couldn’t help but to think of how different this morning was to the many mornings she’d had so far in the villa. The sun seemed to shine brighter, the sea in the distance seemed calmer, bluer, the birds’ songs seemed chipper, happier. It was like the world was righting itself just for the two of them. As they entered the kitchen, the warmth they felt seconds prior was washed away by an icy glare from Kat who sat on a stool, as if she was waiting for them to arrive. Meera and Alfie did not seem to have fully resolved their issues from last night either as they coldly prepared breakfast. 

“Gemma,” Kat spat menacingly. “We should chat.” 

“Kat…Suresh and I are about to have breakfast. We can chat after.” 

Kat stood up abruptly like a defiant toddler. “NO! NOW! You owe me.” 

“Just go. I’ll get things started,” Suresh said, squeezing her shoulders. Then he leaned down and whispered in her ear to make sure no one else heard.  “Just stay close, so I can see you if I need to come over and save you.” 

She couldn’t help but smile at his words, but she took his advice and chose a lounger close to the kitchen area. 

“Ok Kat, I’m here.” 

Kat leered. “I need to know what’s going on between you and Finn.” 

Gemma couldn’t help but laugh. Other than the movie last night, she’d had no other indication that Finn had ever even been interested in her. He’d barely glanced her way since their first date and the first recoupling. 

“Kat, seriously? Nothing.” She made sure to put extra emphasis on ‘nothing’ to try and knock it into Kat’s head. “Anytime I’ve ever chatted with Finn, it’s about you. His movie caught me completely off guard. But for me, there’s nothing there. Suresh and I are finally starting to work things out, and he’s my only focus right now. I’m not interested in anyone else.” 

“Well you need to let Finn know that,” Kat growled. “I don’t need him thinking he has a chance with you.” 

“I’m saying this because I’m your friend, or at the very least I thought we were until yesterday. I don’t have to do anything. It was his movie, his feelings or whatever they are for me. Not the other way around. And if you think that him pining for me or anyone else would hurt your chances, well–” Gemma spread her arms and gave a slight shrug “–maybe he’s not the guy for you.” 

She stood up and walked back to the kitchen, not giving Kat a chance to respond. She was done, she’d said her piece and there was nothing left to talk about. She came up behind Suresh and wrapped her arms around his waist, watching as he slid the first pancake onto a plate and poured more batter on the skillet. 

“That was quick,” he said as he craned his neck to look at her. “How’d it go?” 

“I just told her I didn’t know why Finn said what he said in his video and that we’re trying to work things out now and I’m not interested in getting to know him or anyone else.” 

“You don’t?” Suresh asked anxiously. 

“You do?!” 

“No!” he laughed. “It’s just really nice to hear that you don’t either though, we didn’t really talk about that last night.” He expertly flipped the pancake, landing perfectly on the skillet. 

She smiled at him gently before she inched her way in front of him and buried her face in his chest. She wordlessly clung to him, breathing in his scent, feeling his chest rise, his strong arms around her waist. Just two days before, she thought she’d never be able to hold him like this again. That he’d never hold her like this again. Caress her hair, like he was now, and kiss the top of her head. He cupped her chin and made her look at him. He didn’t need to say anything for her to know how much he loved her, his eyes said it all on their own. She could see her future in his eyes now. 

“Hey, love birds…whatever you’re cooking is burning,” Dana laughed.  

Breaking them out of their haze, Gemma and Suresh looked down to a black, smokey pancake. Suresh made a face as he dumped the pancake in the bin while Gemma laughed. 

After the chaos of the night before and the residual dust that needed to settle after the whirlwind from that morning, the afternoon seemed to calm down a bit with the islanders hanging out in smaller groups dispersed throughout the villa. Some liaised and swam in the pool, some hung out in the gym, but Gemma found herself nestled with Suresh in the daybeds again. Talking about everything and nothing at all, reminiscing about Suresh’s insane family cat, both in a fit of giggles when a text ping interrupted them. 

“I’ve got a text!” Gabi shouted excitedly from the pool. The other islanders all gathered around her as she read it out. 

ISLANDERS TONIGHT THERE WILL BE A RECOUPLING. THE GIRLS WILL EACH CHOOSE WHO THEY WANT TO COUPLE UP WITH #LadiesNight

Gemma looked up at Suresh but he was already looking down and beaming at her, she smiled back but she couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t the only one looking at him with interest. 

[hockeylvr59]

Here With Me Part 23 || Taylor Makar

Author’s Note: It’s Taylor’s turn to meet the parents and Taylor and Kelsey go on their first hike together. FC: Marina Laswick (@marooshk on instagram).

Warnings: anxiety, cursing, smut, public sex (sorta) // Word Count: 5,002

~~~~

Twenty Two

March 22nd, 2023

Though there was a part of Kelsey that was ready for her Wednesday lessons to be over for the season, she knew that once they were she was going to miss them. So she tried to just enjoy them, especially since there was no longer any rush to give up the ice for her uncle’s team since their season was over. 

Lingering for a few minutes after her girls had all left, Kelsey skated a few lazy laps before finally taking her skates off and grabbing her bag to head over to Taylor’s for the night. 

She hadn’t even realized her Uncle was in the building until he called her name from his office. Turning, Kelsey stopped at his doorway and leaned against it, waiting to see what he wanted. 

“So I hear we’re having you over for dinner this weekend…” He mused, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah well mom and dad are insistent on meeting Tay and I wasn’t about to subject him to just them…” Kelsey replied. “At least in front of you guys maybe they’ll tone down the ‘this won’t last’ and ‘hockey players are unreliable’ talk.” 

If it was possible, her Uncle’s eyebrows raised even further. 

“So if you could be at least a little supportive and keep any negative thoughts about Taylor to yourself, that would be appreciated.” Kelsey sighed pushing herself off the doorframe to head to her car. 

“Kelsey.” Her uncle stated, voice commanding her to stay. “As much as I didn’t see you dating one of my players coming, Taylor is a good kid and it’s clear you make each other happy.” 

“He certainly makes me happy.” Kelsey declared. “Which is why I’m willing to put in the work and I know he is too. No, neither of us knows what the future holds but unlike my mother, I think that it’s possible to have both med school and a relationship and I’m not willing to give up easily on having it all.” 

“You’re both stubborn enough to make it work.” Her uncle teased. “We’ll see you Saturday and your aunt and I have your back. Now go see Tmak.” 

Lifting a hand in acknowledgment and thanks, Kelsey sent him a small smile and left the doorway to finish the journey to her car and then Taylor’s dorm, ready to feel her boyfriend’s arms wrapped around her and settle into the security he provides. 

******

March 24th, 2023

Bobby: Been a couple weeks since I checked in. Have you told T yet? 

Kelsey: Been a little preoccupied with him meeting my parents tomorrow. So lay off please. 

Bobby: Preoccupied or stalling? But fine, you need to tell him though. Soon.

*******

March 25th, 2023

Kelsey was anxious before she’d even picked up Taylor for dinner at her aunt and uncle’s. As he slid into her passenger seat outside his dorm, Kelsey fiddled with the heat in her car before greeting him with a soft kiss. 

“Kels…this is going to be fine.” Taylor murmured, seemingly unaffected by the knowledge that he was meeting her parents. 

“Just promise me you won’t let them scare you off.” Kelsey sighed, frowning slightly. “Because they’re probably going to say at least one really shitty thing.” 

“Kels…I think you’re being overdramatic.” Taylor replied. 

“Trust me. I’m not. Promise me.” 

“I love you Kels. Relax.” Taylor assured her, kissing the back of her hand before buckling up so she could drive to her uncle’s. 

Parking on the street, Kelsey grabbed Taylor’s hand and guided him up the driveway, letting them into her Aunt’s house and announcing their arrival. Her uncle was the first to meet them, sending Kelsey a smile and reaching out a hand to shake Taylor’s free one. 

“Your parents are already in the dining room Kelsey.” He informed her as the pair kicked off their shoes onto the mat. 

“Aunt Dana in the kitchen?” She asked, figuring that they could detour there first to grab drinks before stepping into the line of fire. 

With her Uncle’s nod, Kelsey guided Taylor through the house to the kitchen, letting out a deep breath upon seeing her aunt who immediately stopped what she was doing to hug Kelsey tightly. 

“It’s gonna be fine Kels.” Dana declared softly in her ear, holding her for a minute before pulling away. “And it’s good to see you Taylor.” She stated warmly to the boy standing behind her niece. 

“You too Mrs. Carvel.” He replied, nodding at her admonishment to call her Dana in non-team settings. 

After raiding the fridge for drinks, iced tea for them both, Kelsey reluctantly guided Taylor to the dining room where her uncle and parents were waiting. 

Kissing her parents cheeks and getting them in return, Kelsey watched as they reached out hands to shake Taylor’s - a greeting so starkly different from the one with his parents. 

“Mom, dad…this is my boyfriend Taylor.” Kelsey introduced. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Taylor declared before pulling out a chair for Kelsey and taking the one next to her. 

“Daniel. And this is my wife Heather.” Her dad replied as they settled back into their own chairs. Under the table, Kelsey immediately reached for Taylor’s hand gripping it in her own, needing that steady comfort. With Taylor’s thumb brushing over her hand, Kelsey’s shoulders dipped a little and she let out a small breath. 

“Did you have a good spring break?” Kelsey’s dad asked, thankfully throwing a little bit of a softball Taylor’s way. 

“It was good.” Taylor confirmed. “Spent time with my parents and cousins and stuff. Don’t get to see them much so it was nice.” 

“You’re close with your family?” Kelsey’s mom asked, her tone carrying more than the words themselves did. “Must be hard being so far away.” 

“It is, but I talk to my parents almost every night which helps.” Taylor stated, shrugging it off. 

Before her parents could go too far down that track, her aunt brought in dishes containing dinner  and Kelsey could only hope that eating would help minimize any grilling of her boyfriend. 

To some extent it did but at the same time her parents, correction…her mom, couldn’t help but throw comments laced with disapproval out there asking about Taylor’s plans to go pro in hockey before immediately jumping to Kelsey going to med school in Worcester, like that was a given and implying that obviously this wasn’t a relationship that would last because of it even if she didn’t say it in so many words. 

Every time her mother opened her mouth, Kelsey felt her stomach twist and she just couldn’t wait to get out of there even if her aunt and uncle and even her dad were doing their best to calm the waters. 

Taylor’s free hand stroked over her thigh soothingly the whole time and he was even keeled talking with her dad about Gary’s love of psychology that had been ingrained into Taylor and his brother, and how he was learning a lot from watching his brother’s success in life.

Her mother’s comment of “it must be nice…” was filled with implications that Taylor wouldn’t even be at UMass if it weren’t for Cale and it made Kelsey want to scream. Dinner literally could not end quickly enough even as Taylor complimented how nice it was getting to know Kelsey suggesting without words that they had raised an amazing daughter. 

As soon as the food was gone, Kelsey started planning her and Taylor’s escape for the night before she murdered her mother. Thankfully her aunt didn’t try to suggest dessert and her dad read her mood suggesting that she and Taylor go do something more fun than sit there with them. 

Taking that suggestion, Kelsey moved to say her goodbyes, watching as Taylor shook her parents’ hands again, before the two of them headed to put shoes back on and head out. 

“I’m so sorry T…I know I warned you but god that was awful.” Kelsey murmured as they headed back to the car. “The nerve of my mother…it makes me so mad that she acts like this is just some silly fling and won’t even try to get to know you and how wonderful you are. Worcester isn’t a given, it’s certainly not the only med school I plan on applying to…” 

As Kelsey ranted, Taylor caught her wrist and pulled her body back to his as they reached the sidewalk. 

“Hey tiger…it’s okay.” Taylor assured her, holding her firmly against his chest. “I still love you even if your mom isn’t willing to give me a chance. Your dad seems cool enough though.” Kelsey sighed and nodded against his shoulder. 

“Do me a favor…kiss me senseless please.” She requested just needing her brain to switch from dealing with her parents to enjoying time with the boy she was head over heels for. 

Dropping his hands to her hips, Taylor bent his head to kiss Kelsey deeply. It lingered until she broke it, needing to breathe with her eyes a little dazed. 

“Senseless enough?” He breathed against her lips, his eyes teasing. 

“I don’t know…might need to try again to be sure.” She mumbled, kissing him again with an arm thrown around his neck to keep him close. 

Kissing until Kelsey had gotten her fill, the two climbed into her car to head to her apartment. 

Once there, they settled into what had become a comfortable routine, stopping for water before heading into her bedroom and closing the door to enter their own little bubble. Kelsey promptly stripped out of her jeans and into leggings before unmaking her bed for them to crawl into, grabbing the remote to toss to Taylor. While she had changed, he had done the same, slipping into sweats and a t-shirt making him look soft and cuddly. 

As soon as he was settled into bed, Kelsey crawled beside him and buried herself into his side still feeling the embers of anger her mother had created burning away at her. She still couldn’t understand how her mother could be so hard headed that she couldn’t see how happy Kelsey was with Taylor, and wouldn't even give him a chance and try to get to know him. It was nights like tonight that Kelsey almost questioned what her dad saw in her mom in the first place. 

Though she tried to put it all behind her, glad that now that her parents had met Taylor, they were likely to not engage with him for a good long while, it was hard to control how frustrated she was. 

Taylor kissed her forehead a few times while watching whatever it was he had put on her tv and it helped a little, just not as much as she needed. 

Sensing that Kelsey’s tension wasn’t going away, Taylor eventually pulled her onto his body, wrapping his arms around her. Though his thumbs brushed against her lower back under her sweater, she still was unable to fully relax against him. 

Pushing up her sweater, Taylor started to raise it over her head, encouraged by her shifting to let him pull it off her body. 

“Kels what do you need to not be so angry?” Taylor questioned. “Do you need me to fuck you?” 

There was a glint of need in Kelsey’s eyes that told Taylor that was exactly what she needed. 

“Stress fuck it is then.” He stated, unclasping her bra and pulling it from her body before rolling her under him. 

As he kissed her neck, Kelsey’s nails dug into his shoulders desperate for the mental release of tension that had built up all week because of tonight’s dinner. 

There was minimal foreplay as Taylor finished undressing her before shedding his own clothes and grabbing a condom from her bedside drawer. 

Once sheathed, Taylor settled over her again, kissing her softly and nipping gently at her lips. 

“Tell me if I need to slow down.” He mumbled against her mouth before lining himself up to press just the tip of his length inside her. 

Kelsey’s gasp was one of the most beautiful sounds Taylor had ever heard and he groaned, sinking another inch deeper inside of her. 

“T…please…” Kelsey murmured, needy for the full stretch that came from Taylor being buried completely. She couldn’t contain her moan as he complied, her nails digging into his shoulders once more. It felt so good and quickly started to push anything other than the feeling of their coupling out of her mind. 

Taylor paused to let her adjust to the feeling before he started to thrust steadily, each movement filled with just the right amount of force to drive her crazy. Neither spoke, though Taylor kissed Kelsey’s neck and shoulder as he pistoned into her, her moans filling his ears. 

It wasn’t long before Kelsey twitched around him, her body hurtling toward her orgasm. 

“Let go Kels.” Taylor breathed into her ear. “I love you. Just let it all go.” Within a few more thrusts, Kelsey was cumming under him and Taylor grunted working her through her release before finally spilling his own release into the condom. 

Careful not to put too much weight on her, Taylor kissed her temple waiting for her to relax enough for him to pull out. 

Once she had, he carefully slid out of her and climbed off her bed to dispose of the condom before coming back to help her up and into clothes so she could go to the bathroom. 

While she was gone, Taylor redressed before working to change her sheets so that they had a clean bed to climb into. 

When she came back into the room she wrapped her arms around his waist causing Taylor to smile. 

“Feel any better?” 

“Thanks for changing the sheets.” Kelsey murmured after nodding in response to his question. 

Pecking her lips, Taylor just pulled her back toward her bed and climbed in, opening his arms for her to settle so that they could resume their cuddles now that Kelsey had worked out some of her anger. 

If her yawn as she settled against his chest was any indication, it wouldn’t be long until she was asleep which was good given that they were planning on taking advantage of tomorrow being one of the first nice days to go for their first hike together. 

*****

March 26th, 2023

It definitely hadn’t taken long for Kelsey to fall asleep curled against Taylor and when she awoke it was because her body was itching to go on the hike she had been waiting for since the first tease of warm and not rainy weather appeared on the forecast. 

Since Taylor was surprisingly still sleeping, Kelsey got up and did an abbreviated yoga routine, just to warm her muscles up without overdoing it knowing that they were going to be hiking a few miles today. Then she headed into the kitchen to start breakfast, a smile slipping onto her face when Taylor’s hands slid around her waist from behind. 

“Morning my koala.” She teased softly as she flipped a few gluten free pancakes. 

“Smells good.” He mumbled, his voice still filled with sleep. 

It wasn’t like Kelsey had gone majorly overboard, just a couple pancakes, a few sausage patties and scrambled egg whites, enough to make sure that they had enough fuel to properly feed their bodies. 

But she was glad Taylor seemed to approve of her cooking. 

Tipping her head back to kiss his chin, Kelsey motioned for him to grab some plates from the cabinet to serve the food onto. After doing so Taylor grabbed silverware from the drawer and moved to get glasses for some juice as well. By the time he’d done all that, the food was ready and Kelsey was serving it up. 

She didn’t think she’d ever get over how domestic it felt getting to spend the first waking hour with him like this, just making food, eating, cleaning up and enjoying being in each other’s presence. 

“I need a post sex shower before we go.” She declared, sending him a look like he was more than willing to join her. Unsurprisingly he did so and they quickly washed themselves before drying off and starting to get ready for their hike. Lightweight clothes were layered since it was still somewhat cool and a backpack was filled with bottles of water, lunch, snacks, a trail map and a few other necessities. 

By the time they were ready, Kelsey was practically bouncing with excitement. She could hike again and to make it even better she was getting to do it with her favorite person. 

“You ready?” She asked, giggling when Taylor smiled and pulled her in for a soft kiss. 

“Now I am.” He declared, grabbing the full backpack while Kelsey grabbed cans of sunblock and bug spray for ticks sitting them in her car’s cup holder so that they didn’t forget to spray before starting off. 

She was all smiles the whole drive to the visitor center and she could feel Taylor looking at her with soft eyes the whole time. 

“You really like hiking huh?” He questioned though it didn’t really need answered because her expression gave it away. 

Parking, Kelsey grabbed the cans and sprayed her legs under and over her pants with the bug spray before swapping for the sunblock to get the back of her neck and hands and face given that she was still wearing long sleeves to start. Once Taylor had done the same, she slipped the bottles into a pocket of the backpack before letting Taylor slide it onto his back. 

Taking his hand they left the visitor’s center and started out on the trail. The first half mile was relatively level, only about 50 ft in elevation changes over the span. Kelsey was basking in the weather and being able to get fresh air and exercise without freezing her ass off. 

Continuing on the trail to Mount Norwottuck after stopping for water and for Kelsey to wrap her jacket around her waist and spray her arms with sunblock, the elevation climbed from just over 500 ft to 1100 ft in about 40 minutes worth of hiking. Needing a distraction from the slight burning in her lungs and muscles despite her being in shape, Kelsey prompted Taylor about whether he’d listened to any good music lately. Taylor’s ramble about everything new on his playlists made her grin fondly and she followed him up the mountain less focused on her own body and its complaints. 

The view at the top was beyond worth it, spring blooming all over the expanse below them. Taking the water bottle Taylor offered again, Kelsey took a few healthy swigs, her chest rising and falling heavily with her breath. Taylor slipped an arm over her shoulder and feeling chilled she pressed closer against his own sweaty body for warmth as the breeze hit. 

“Look at this view.” Kelsey gasped, the excitement visible all through her body. 

“Beautiful.” Taylor mumbled though when she peeked up at him, his eyes were on her and not the valley in front of them. 

“You’re such a sap.” She whispered. “And I love you for it.” 

Stealing a brief kiss, Kelsey shifted to pull her jacket back on as she continued to shiver now that they were stationary. Letting her go, Taylor shifted the backpack to pull out two protein bars for them to recharge their energy a little bit before they stopped in another hour or so for lunch. 

Continuing to take in the view while they ate, Kelsey considered how nice it was just to have company even in the silence of the moment. 

After putting their wrappers back in the backpack and taking a few more sips of water, they continued along the path, making their way back down the mountain past the horse caves and their ledges. From there they continued along a general decline until the trail split off. With the main loop a little too short of a distance even for their first hike, Kelsey guided Taylor onto an extended loop that would take them up another mountain peak. 

They stopped for lunch along the trail after hiking up Rattlesnake Knob once they hit a relatively flat area of trail and Taylor found a rock he could perch on with Kelsey sitting between his thighs. Idle chatter interspersed their lunch and once they were finished they packed up and continued on their way after Taylor stepped off the trail to take care of some business. 

With not many people out so early in the season they often went half to three quarters of a mile without seeing anyone else. Kelsey shared a story of one of her first hikes as a kid and in the privacy of the woods, Taylor started on about hikes he’d taken as a kid with his family before talking about his brother for really the first time in front of Kelsey. It made her smile that he was opening up to her in a new way about something that she knew wasn’t always easy for him to talk about given people’s - like her mother’s - foolish expectations on things. The trust he had in her to share those stories meant the world.

It was a slight incline for them to loop back around to the main trail and Kelsey took the lead in front of Taylor this time. 

After a few minutes, Taylor’s arms wrapped around her from behind, stopping her progress and his chin rested on top of her head. As he slid even closer to her, Kelsey could feel Taylor’s erection against her ass and it made her eyes go wide as a laugh bubbled in her throat. 

“You okay back there T?” She questioned, mirth in her tone. 

He nodded against her head but didn’t otherwise say anything and Kelsey tried her best not to burst into laughter. His body language felt happy and Kelsey grinned as his hands sprawled across her hips. 

The sounds of nature and their breathing filled the air for a few minutes before Kelsey finally spoke. 

“You gonna hike with an erection there, koala bear, or do you want some help?” 

Taylor’s shrug was something else and Kelsey rolled her eyes fondly. Reaching for his hand she pulled him a few feet off the trail where there was sufficient covering but also relatively stable ground and a tree Taylor could lean against. Stealing a dirty kiss, Kelsey started to squat in front of him, her hands sliding along his waistband. 

Quickly Taylor’s hand reached out trying to haul her up. 

“T?” She questioned softly, though she continued to sink into her squat, brushing his hand away. 

“Kels please.” Taylor mumbled again reaching for her. 

This time she complied, hands still teasing at his waistband as she looked up at him. 

“I want to blow you T.” She stated, trying not to pout over being denied what she wanted. 

“I’m all sweaty Kels…” He replied, his cheeks turning slightly pink. 

“Tay you’re sweaty every time we have sex…” He didn’t look all that convinced by her words and licked over his lips. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

“Would I have pulled you off the trail if I wasn’t sure?” Kelsey asked rhetorically. “If you’re worried about sweat there are baby wipes in the backpack, you can clean up a bit…” 

Taylor looked a little uncomfortable but didn’t put up any more fuss and after kissing him for a minute Kelsey squatted back down and carefully untucked him from his sweats and boxers. It was only a little sweat and he had showered and cleaned up this morning so Kelsey wasn’t overly concerned. 

Kissing over the head of his dick, Kelsey then licked a few stripes down his length before shifting to take him into her mouth. Bracing herself against his thighs, she rose on her toes to take him as deeply as possible. The sweat made his skin taste a little saltier but it definitely wasn’t offputting in any way. 

Using the leverage of her feet, Kelsey worked him, sinking deep on his length and providing suction in the ways he likes best. 

This was her first time giving him a blow job without a condom and Kelsey knew that when they weren’t in the middle of the woods she was going to have to explore his dick in more detail because god was that part of his anatomy fascinating and something she wanted to know better. 

It wasn’t the smoothest blowjob but it was clearly doing the trick as Taylor grunted softly above her in pleasure. 

Pulling back to breathe, Kelsey licked the precum from the head of his dick and then sunk back onto him as he twitched signaling the approach of his release. 

“Kels…” He trailed off before spilling into her mouth and down her throat approximately thirty seconds later. Swallowing as best she could given that it was her first time letting someone cum in her mouth, Kelsey pulled back heaving slightly. 

Making sure that he wasn’t too sensitive, Kelsey quickly licked him clean before using his torso to leverage herself out of the squat, her thighs now burning. Gently she tucked him back into his clothes and fixed his shirt before letting him pull her into a proper hug. 

“Better?” She asked softly, her voice a little hoarse. 

Taylor’s answer was with a kiss not words…the kind of kiss that was so deep she knew that he could taste himself in her mouth. Sliding his hands down around her thighs he hoisted her up around his waist and held her body against him, her arms flinging around his neck. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” He murmured against her lips. “But thanks.” 

After a few minutes, he set her back down and kissed her lips softly before reaching for her hand to pull her back to the trail. 

Rejoining the main loop, they continued to hike along the ridge. It wasn’t more than twenty minutes before Kelsey’s bladder, which she’d been ignoring since shortly after lunch, upped its protests. Grimacing slightly, Kelsey tried to ignore it knowing that they were only another mile and a half or so from the car and it was all relatively flat or downhill from here. She hated using the bathroom in the woods, it was honestly the only part about hiking that she didn’t enjoy. 

With Taylor trying to hand her the water, Kelsey shook her head and murmured that she was good, the discomfort growing on her face as they continued along the trail. Sighing in frustration because it was mostly her fault they weren’t closer to being done already, Kelsey mentally told her bladder to shut up already. 

“Hey Kels, you okay?” Taylor asked. “Are you tired or sore or something and need a break?” 

“Fine.” She mumbled. “Just need to keep going.” 

“Kels…” Taylor stated firmly, the tone he used when he wasn’t messing around. “Your face says you’re not fine…wanna cut the bs?” 

“I hate peeing in the woods okay.” Kelsey grumbled. 

“Kelsey.” Taylor stated, voice going softer. “You look miserable. If you need to go, just go.” 

If possible her face turned even grumpier and she pouted. 

“Can we just get through this last mile or so back to the visitor’s center…” 

Sighing, Taylor wrapped an arm around Kelsey and whispered softly in her ear. 

“How can I help? Because I know you know that holding it is not healthy. And you look so uncomfortable Kels.” 

Groaning softly, Kelsey pulled away from Taylor’s chest. 

“Fine.” She mumbled. “Can you just make sure no one sees me? And give me the baby wipes and a ziplock?” 

Retrieving the items from the backpack, Taylor left Kelsey to wander into the woods to find a spot secluded enough for her to feel comfortable peeing. It took a few minutes for her to come back and when she did she was still pouting but didn’t look nearly as pained. 

“God it’s so gross.” She mumbled tossing the sealed ziplock into the backpack. 

Pulling her against his body, Taylor kissed her head and then kissed her lips. 

“But you feel better right?” 

Kelsey couldn’t deny that but it still didn’t mean she liked peeing in the woods. 

“Now drink some water for me since you’ve been turning me down for the last hour.” Taylor insisted not wanting her to get dehydrated because she was trying not to make herself need to pee. 

Taking the bottle, Kelsey took a few longer swigs before handing it back and gesturing to the trail like can we go now. 

Letting her lead, Taylor walked with her for a little less than a quarter mile, her body language a complete 180 from when they had set off this morning. Using his long stride, he caught up to her and started to tickle her along her ribs, holding her body tight to his own. 

“T….stop.” Kelsey squealed. 

“I will when you stop being a grump.” He said, his tone matter of fact. 

She wiggled in his grip, pushing at his hands as he tickled her but eventually was bent over laughing hysterically. 

“You’re a jerk.” She gasped between breaths. 

“But I’m your jerk.” He grinned, shrugging. 

“C’mon my jerk…let’s go home.” Kelsey insisted. “I still have some reading to do for class tomorrow.” 

Finishing the last mile of the hike down the mountain, Kelsey grabbed her keys from the backpack and unlocked her car as they approached. 

Before she could climb in, Taylor was stopping her, pinning her between his body and her car. 

“Thanks for today Kels.” He stated. “For sharing your hike with me. Spending the day with me.” 

Pressing up to kiss him, Kelsey let it linger. 

“Thanks for wanting to come with me.” She breathed against his lips. “It’s nice hiking with you. Getting time alone without roommates or parents or coaches.” 

“We’ll have to do it again soon.” Taylor agreed. 

“For sure.”

[hand-development-affairs]

c'mon dana. winston LOVES conversation. im sure they would be so happy to meet you!!!! ain't wasting when they WANT to spend it!!!!!

I... I'm sure Mx. Bryd does enjoy conversation. And- well... I've heard whispers of them hosting a... nice get together. Going out to get cogfee and the like. And... I will confess, given the stress of... recent events, it would be nice.

But...

Dear listeners, put yourself in their shoes for a moment.

I've known from the start that I was slated to... replace him. I know it sounds crass, but for cogs sake, is there really an eloquent way to put it!? I was going to take the job of- of a suit that was imprisoned! IMPRISONED! And yes, yes, I know- "Dana why did you accept the job offer in the first place?"- it's ONE thing to take an open position in... normal circumstances.

When you have a new job... when you're offered a new position. You know that the suit beforehand failed to meet the expectations and live up to the standards of the company. It's like with you and your.... "gag builds". And you know that you're the best of the best. You've got the career to prove it. And you know you're going to be better than that guy. And that whoever got fired... he'll just have to make a living some other way.

...

But this was something else.

They... they didn't fail to meet any standards. In fact- given how they've managed to keep such a- brave face, despite it all- I'd say they've gone above and beyond. And yet... I was told he had an unsatisfactory job performance, and that I'd easily pick up the slack that he left behind...

I... I just can't! I just can't talk to him! It'd be cruel of me to- to- he's been through enough as IS. And ever since I accepted the Chairman's offer, I've been making it worse. He doesn't need to deal with that. He doesn't deserve to deal with that.

I'm just being courteous. It's what's best for Mx. Byrd.

Now please, for his and my sake, let's just tune into a new frequency.

[myckicade]

Mayans M.C. - 05x03

Hey! I didn't mind this one!

Minimal bitching ahead, but prepare for many a random thought.

First off, right out of the gate, I am doubling-down on the idea that Angel and Marcus are not making it out of this season alive. Angel is coming around to the same formula as Early Jax. He has his boy. He's re-evaluating his choices. Every time I think of how much development his character is (finally) receiving, I cringe, because that just isn't a good thing...

NOW. How awesome was it to see and hear Marcus laugh, huh? That was so sweet. I know it comes on the heels of watching his relationship with his family take a tumble (and good on his little girl for voicing it), but... The man is clearly battling some demons, maybe even depression. He hasn't done anything so terrible (family-wise) that he can't turn it around.

Unless, y'know, he gets shot.

On that note, a pre-emptive 'Fuck you, EZ'.

It's nice to see Dana Delany on a show I watch, again. (I don't think it's happened since Desperate Housewives, to be perfectly honest). She brings a certain grace and strength to the screen, someone who I think could actually tangle with Potter and come out victorious. I'm intrigued. Very intrigued.

I'm glad Felipe brought the letters to Miguel. If nothing else, he can verify the truth, even if he chooses to ignore it. This is either going to lead to him swearing EZ and Angel off as pure enemies (again), or he's going to fuck himself over trying to keep them safe. In his own way. (This is my favorite storyline in the entire show, and I spend entirely too much time thinking about how this could all go so very, very wrong for all those involved).

Oooh. Miguel and Angel together to stop Baby Brother would be what I'd want, more than anything. (It won't happen, but let a broad dream, 'uh?). It's that picture of the two of them, and baby Maverick together. It's getting to me, dudes.

Yeah. Fuck you, EZ.

Speaking of. I hope Emily gets out. As in, out of my face. I know she's a mother, but the idea of her being able to get away with her kid is... laughable, certainly after what became of her sister. So. The sooner she goes - be it by her own choice(s), or not - the happier this chick will be.

I feel no sympathy for her. No apologies.

There was something that made me laugh during the episode, and I'll be damned if I can remember what it was now. -_-. As usual...

Bishop about broke my heart. I was kind of surprised when he spilled his guts, instead of telling Angel to 'Fuck Off' at the very beginning of the question. Pleased, but surprised. It's encouraging to think that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want another father making the same mistakes he feels he did, himself. *whimpers*. I'm telling you, I've been trying to write Bottom of the Bottle, Pt. 2 for over a year now, and I had a breakthrough with something that was said in this episode.

Speaking of whimpers... Yup. Isaac is making grown men cry. Way to go, dude. >XD.

And. Well. Fucking Butterfly. Now, I can figure how Thelma and Louise Letty and Hope are (potentially) going to go out. I'm rooting for them, though. All the way. ALL the way. Hope is right. They are fucked six ways to Sunday, but... Omigosh... The happy squees when SHE DIDN'T LEAVE LETTY. My heart. MY HEART.

And, if I haven't said it already, FUCK YOU, EZ. You're going to get everyone killed, at this freaking rate. Everyone, their families, their (Forbid, Please) pets... It just won't be pretty. Dragging Angel along on a beg job negotiation after the motherfucker they're visiting already threatened murder?! I've had it with this douchebag motherfucker.

*ahems*

Oh, yeah. Creeper. That poor bastard, left to hold his own against a whole fucking prison. Uh-huh. I'm glad it was Hank that he called, for whatever reason, even if he's just the one in charge of fielding calls from prison. I'm glad it was Hank, because Hank is about as pure as they come. All heart. No bullshit. He'll weed it out, one way or another. I have that faith. (I fucking love Hank).

Dude. I wish I could remember why I was laughing last night. Sheesh.

All said, while a touch boring, 05x03 was a pretty decent episode.

P.S. This heroin thing is going to blow up in their faces. Terrible pun intended.

[earlyevenings]

about the final volume..

okay, first of all;

SURESH IMPROVISED THAT SPEECH? jesus christ, perks of having a lawyer boyfriend i guess. That was the best speech we've seen yet in my honest opinion. Breathtaking.

now, let's get started;

as i said before, the writing sucks.

justice for lulu. my girl deserved to stay

suresh is being giga melty. i don’t think we’ve ever had a love interest simp like that over us. eat your heart out, reddit, our man love us.

‘someone’s smiling down on me today 😊’ had no business being this cute btw 😭

sex was.. well.. underwhelming to say the least, but i’m not exactly surprised.

loved the amount of kisses we got, hate the way they were written.

i can’t stress this enough, the writing absolutely sucks, SO MANY ERRORS

kat’s being a bitch, per usual, except the next scene she’s being nice. And then the next scene she’s a bitch again. And then she’s.. nice again? Make up your mind boo

‘yolo’? ‘nsfw’? ‘raw animalistic display’? are you serious?

dana and alfie, please take a fucking hint, i’m begging you. I.DONT.WANT.YOU.

suresh's speech was a masterpiece.

mc's speech however?... girl, you could do much better

FUCKING HELL THE PROPOSAL, that was so embarrassing you guys 😭 why would they ever think it was a good idea WHY.

episode 42 was a disgrace.

it doesn’t sit right with me that nobody told kat about finn flirting with us and literally trying to bone us behind her back

oh bobby… what have they done to you…

the fact that we couldn’t actually see our best bits… so disappointing

suresh getting mad at bobby is sending me 💀💀

why do i imagine suresh just looking at mc with heart eyes, clinging to her and agreeing with everything she says like a puppy. man is down bad

the interview with bobby feels so robotic. THATS NOT HOW REAL PEOPLE INTERACT

the bit about suresh wanting to be a celebrity? not canon. not canon at all. resh, baby, you’re a lawyer, not an influencer.

WHERE’S THE AFTER PARTY??????

overall, i'm very glad we finally got to spend some time with our love interest. it's just a shame that every single conversation we had with them (with suresh at least) was about how happy they are that we're together. like, yes baby, i know you're very sorry, and i know you feel lucky that i gave you a chance, and YES i do want to be together and i do see a future with you. if i didn't, i wouldn't have picked you for christ's sake. can we please talk about something else?

i feel like they just tried to squeeze in every single ounce of love they had into these final episodes to somehow, idk, make up? for the lack of one-on-one happy time with the love interests this season. but they didn't have to bomb us with the same conversation every few minutes... i would still like to see some couple dynamic yk

i honestly don't think we're getting a reunion, feels like they've given up on them (hope i'm wrong). it's a shame, cause i feel like it's absolutely needed to actually let us enjoy the time with the lis.

i did love that the first two episodes were so long tho, it would've felt even more rushed if they kept them short like the rest of the season.

[exmcrtis]

(florence pugh) [THE SKEPTIC]. Please welcome [PRUDENCE ‘PRU’ WHEATON (SHE/HER)] to Huntsville, WV. They are an [TWENTY-SEVEN]-year-old [RESIDENT] who lives in [TOWN]. You may see them around working as a [JOURNALIST AT HUNTSVILLE DAILY]. Poor unfortunate soul. We’ll see if they survive.

TW: death mention

full name: prudence elizabeth wheaton

birthdate: january 3rd, 1996

age: 27

height: 5’3”

sexuality: chaotic bisexual

bio:

prudence wheaton has always been a curious child, and that’s not a particularly good thing

the only child to two doting parents, she was left to roam free to take in her surroundings, though her mother kept a watchful eye on her from a distance

she’s always had a curious mind, never afraid to talk to strangers to ask them questions before she was being scolded and pulled away by her mother

some people found this endearing, while some found it incredibly annoying

but her people skills made it easy for her to make friends in school, something that made her parents happy so she would stop trying to make friends with people at the grocery store

she wanted to blame her undying obsession with x-files for her curious and adventurous nature; friday nights the family always sat down to watch a few episodes together, and it quickly became her favorite show

prudence desperately wanted to be just like dana sculley and fox mulder, and her parents always told her she could be whoever she wanted to be, so she was quick to make that her only personality trait

prudence was the type to always stick up for her friends, and even though she was smaller than most of the bullies in her school, she wasn’t scared to get in their faces

her tenacity was admired by everyone, but pru was often sent to the principal’s office for her threats against bullies, though she never got in trouble for it at home

her parents had raised her to stick up for herself and others, and they were proud to watch her do just that

but even though she had a fierce side to her, prudence was also very soft and kind

as she got older and grew into herself a little more, she let her adventures get bigger and bigger

she began wandering into the woods so she could take in everything around her, becoming familiar with the tops of trees as she climbed higher and higher to get a better look at huntsville from above rather than at ground-level

it was around this same time that she got into journalism, purchasing far too many notebooks and pens so she could write down her observations

but when pru was sixteen and the monsters arrived in town, everything took a turn for the worse

she came face-to-face with them the hard way, barely making it into her home before she was almost grabbed and ripped apart

suddenly the fearless girl held a lot of fear, but that didn’t stop her curiosities

she wanted to know where they came from and why they were there to begin with

in true x-files fashion, prudence began her own investigation into the appearance of the monsters, but when she tried to leave huntsville to dig a little deeper, she found herself right back at the town line

of course this made her more curious, but no matter how hard pru tried to get to the bottom of things, she always came up short

things changed around huntsville for the worse, and as soon as pru turned eighteen, she took on a job at the huntsville daily

she started at the bottom but worked her way up quickly, something she equates to the lack of staff to begin with

it was the only job that let her true conspiracy theorist bubble to the surface, and that in and of itself made her love the job even more

however, despite learning the tricks and trade to living in the new huntsville, things took a turn for the worse shortly after her twentieth birthday

her parents were always so careful to get inside before dark, herding their daughter right along despite her tendency to push it until the last minute

but pru had wandered off a little too far, and before she knew it, the sun was beginning to set and she was desperately trying to get to her parents

lucky for her she was able to make it inside, but her parents weren’t so lucky

pru had to listen on the other side of the door as her parents were shredded limb from limb, her own sobs not enough to silence it

it’s been seven years since she lost her parents, and pru is a more hardened version of herself

her grief process involved heavy methods of distraction; she threw herself deep into her work as well as her own research, and it’s made her somewhat of a nuisance

she’s still incredibly social and talkative, but she’s noticing more and more people go out of their way to avoid her

while prudence likes to pretend that it doesn’t bother her, the sad truth is that it hurts, she’s just good at masking it

she’ll still go out of her way to try and befriend you, but her life is extremely lonely, and she has a hard time opening up to people about that

fully believes that the monsters were sent by the government to try and eliminate all of huntsville, though whenever she shares that theory aloud she receives weird looks

luckily owns all of the x-files on DVD and gives them a rewatch yearly as a way to remember her parents

pru has no family left at all, so if you see her outside when the sun is setting, just know that it’s because she doesn’t care about her own well-being

a very repressed sad girl that masks her feelings with being annoying but honestly cannot help it at this point

[mobydickering]

Yuletide 2024

Author letter ahead!

Hello! Thank you so much for writing for me!

General Likes: gremlins in love, character-driven fic, fake relationships turning into real relationships, accidental dating, aggressively requited pining, pining while they’re sleeping together, pining before they’re sleeping together, found family, being badass together, crying during sex, complete trust in each other, banter/teasing/flirting, small/unspoken displays of affection.

In general, I really love happy endings and people being soft and in love and happy together!

General Dislikes: unrealistic dialogue and OOC fic, sexual petplay, furry, vore, scat, full bdsm relationship, a/b/o, mpreg, infidelity, gaslighting, major character death, permanent amnesia, serious illness or death as plot devices, eating disorders, major depression, non-con, bestiality, rape, ageplay, non-consensual powerplays/imbalance of power, canon or AU stories focused on the coronavirus, anything unrequited.

Specific requests:

Kaos:

God I love the show so much and I'm so mad at Neflix that we don't get to see what the next stage of The Plan will be!

Some things I'd love to see (but honestly, I'm happy to read anything at all!):

I really loved Riddy and Caeneus and want so much more about both their individual journeys, and their eventual reunion! Give me absolutely anything relating to them and how they survive and thrive.

I also really, really love everything about the underworld and the bureaucracy in it. I would love to read anything about Medusa and Charon, and how the entire system of the underworld is held together by a couple of very tired people waiting for Prometheus' plan to come to pass.

Prometheus and Charon's first meeting after Prometheus is released.

Dionysius finding his purpose, ideally while making himself Ari's problem (affectionate).

Specific DNWs: any AUs. I really, really love the world they've built and would love to see stories within them.

Bend it like Beckham:

It's been 7 million years and I still think about Jess and Jules regularly. I really just crave more stories about them, but would love to see:

them in love and thriving in the world of professional football!

their families interacting with each other and with them as they take on the WPS and maybe go to the World Cup?

what retirement might look like for them!

Time of the Ghost:

I have been obsessed with this story since I first read it, and would love to read anything involving the four sisters after the events of the book. If you want something more specific: I'd love to see anything about how they rebuild their lives, and whether Monigan regains any hold on them at all.

Sports Night:

I have a giant bone to pick with Aaron Sorkin and about 5 million things I'd love to see in this 'verse. Here are a few, but please feel free to write whatever moves you:

Dana deserved so much (I'm still mad about the just-date-other-women-but-WANT-to-date-me-Casey storyline), and I'd love to read fic that gives her everything she deserves. I'd love any and all Dana-centric fic, but especially something that lets her just have fun and do her job! If you want to throw any romance in there (ideally not with Casey, because. Hooboy.) please do!

I also love Dana's dynamic with Natalie and Kim and would love to read that!

I love Dan&Casey and Dan/Casey. I'd love to read fic about those lines blurring and how they don't deal with. (I assume they would eventually deal with it, especially if other people were forcing them to.)

I would LOVE to read an outsider's POV on whatever Dan & Casey (romantically ideally) have going on!

I also welcome any treats at all! Thank you!

[lunaversing]

Meanwhile, in the fifth sequence of la Luna.versa*

She didn't know why she tried every single day. She didn't know why she cried in every single way. She thought one day it seemed too much, she didn't know what to let go and what she should clutch. She made up all these rhymes and turned stories into dimes, it at the end of the day and every day alone was all she could find. She searched high and low to the left and right, sometimes she even crossed her eyes and stared into the Black Knight. She wondered why she felt this way and if others felt it too. She wondered if the others felt it, why couldn't they find her and let her rest as in a cocoon. She knows she was made for something but every time she hears what it is she disagrees and cannot persist. So here she is yet again, standing here in her skin. Looking at the moon and thinking of the Sun, she wonders if she will ever finally be done.

She agreed to everything everyone has done, she agreed to find a way to forgive each and every one. She searched without a map and listened to her heart, she found a way out that all could walk or be carried or thought across. She stares across that way and she wonders what she had done. Everyone was gone now, every Soul it seemed was done. She was lost inside her head and she had given away her key. Don't get me wrong, she did it all willingly.

Her friends are two in number, to nobody can see. Her princess Yahuana and Ladydae Luana. Sometimes she catches a hint of the original Brittany Dana. But only as a ghost and not the controller of this host. So perhaps there are four deep inside her, including herself, every hurt and every cure. How do I heal myself, she asked herself, how do I care and how do I bear all of the agony that I have found here? The people are gone, yet all of this remains. Did we not manifest ourselves to make this originally? If we had, wouldn't it be gone now or disintegrating?

Is it me keeping this world together? From bursting at it seems? If so, I should have left as well before the gate closed behind and in front of me. This desolate land...

Is this my reality?

Was it only different when others added their input to the mind and to me? Was the color is here before or did they come with the people?

The world I imagined and wrote about was not empty and mean, I did not feel a lack and I did not feel a part that was missing the whole. I was complete UC before I came here. I don't understand language or vision or sound or waves. I'm not a silver surfer or a flash or a hulk that saves. I'm a pattern Walker I thought one time long ago. That idea is stuck and was confirmed but now, I don't know.

Today I am just Luna, reflecting myself.

My life was not intended to be a book, Dusty and kept up on a shelf. It was meant to be red and sometimes meant to be blue. Whatever it was, I know that it was meant for you.

So this is my story, this is my rhyme. This is My Hope for the rest of my time. Come to me, please make me whole. Please stitch together all these voices and personalities that seem to know more than I can believe. Make us into a new reality that doesn't need others to go ghost.

I miss them. I want them back. If I had known from the start that this was the track I never would have followed or had your back. But now I'm here and it's just way too weird. It's time I connect to something more than nightmare. You know my dreams and saw my childhood ~ oh God please come down and sit with me please.

I'm vocal and I'm loud and to every way I scream, I just need you to be here in a way I feel more. Knowing you exist is not enough. Finding hints and clues just does not get me off the cuff. I need to feel you the way this body was made to feel another. Please become flesh and join me in this world we created down under.

Or please let me go, please let me escape our dream. Erase everything, the lights and the scenes and every memory no matter how happy or distressing they had made me. Make me New and make me dust, I don't care if I continue or if I rest. I cannot persist anymore this time. I created my friends to help me continue this rhyme but now I find it was not enough. This cave is still empty and your voice is too rough.

I'm going to take a minute to stop and refocus. Maybe I can draw and upon the lines I can send who I am, maybe you can see and read where I am at. And maybe, just maybe, that will be enough for you to tip your top hat.

It's okay if I am no more, and it is okay if I am less. Just please do not leave me to continue defining myself but all that has left and all that might come. I am not strong enough for this role and God, right now I am done.

[ Luna closes the screen and lets down the curtain, hoping one day she would feel what others claimed to be when love erased their seems and they became one in the flesh. She hopes her mind stops dividing into parts for the play, so she can stop watching and rest.]

#pleasecomehome #Ihavedoneallmybest

https://birdfoxcreative.space

[hbhughes]

Mary Senese

Mary Senese passed away peacefully at her home in Kingston, PA on Sunday, July 9, 2023, after a long illness. She was 85 years old.

Mary was born to the late Marion Collins and Arthur Schultz in Noxen, PA in 1937. Her fiery red hair earned her the affectionate nickname “Red” among her siblings Joan, Arthur, Daniel, Ellen, and John. It was a fitting emblem for her exuberant personality and her zest for life. 

Mary began her working life as a teen behind the counter at Percy Brown’s, an iconic 1950’s Wilkes-Barre market and cafeteria. After graduating from St. Leo’s High School and Wilkes-Barre Business College, she met the love of her life, Fred Senese, a U. S. Navy damage controlman on the crew of the U. S. S. Wisconsin. They were married at St. Leo’s Church in Ashley, PA in January 1958. 

They had a long and remarkably happy marriage, raising seven children, managing Fred’s carpentry business, and cheerfully weathering many obstacles together over the next 33 years.

After Fred’s untimely death in 1991, Mary earned an associate degree in business data pocessing technology from Luzerne County Community College and re-entered the workforce. She worked at Offset Paperback Manufacturing for many years and then joined the IT department of Western and Southern Life Insurance. She retired in 2008 and lived quietly for the rest of her life in Kingston, PA.

Mary will be profoundly missed by her surviving children: Fred Senese, of Frostburg, MD; Jeffrey Senese and his wife Alicia, of Philadelphia, PA; Glenn Senese and his wife Debbie, of Pittston, PA; Maryellen Takacs of Kingston, PA; Liza Roper and her husband Ben, of Kingston, PA; and Leah Warenda and her husband Frank of West Wyoming, PA.  She deeply missed her son Christopher, who preceded her in death in 1989.

Mary loved her grandchildren. She often invited them to sleepovers at her house, where she’d make funnel cakes and other treats with them. Her absence will be keenly felt by her surviving grandchildren, Ryan Senese, Brandon Senese, Shawn Senese, Chris Takacs, Dana Takacs, Michael Senese, Mia Senese, Kai Senese, Keiran Senese, Lauren Senese, Daniel Senese, Erin Senese, Rachel Senese, Frankie Warenda, Charlie Warenda and Joey Warenda. 

Mary is survived by her dear sister Joan Gallagher, and her husband Martin, and their children Molly, Megan, Monica, and Martin Jr. She is also survived by her sister-in-law, Dalia, and her sons Lenny and Albert, and the children of her late brother Daniel: Marilyn, Laura, Joanne, Daniel Joe, and Paul.. She was preceded in death by her sister Ellen and her brother Arthur.

Mary’s final services will begin with a viewing on Friday July 14 at 4 PM to 7 PM at Hugh B. Hughes Funeral Home in Forty Fort, PA. Formal services at the funeral home will begin at 9:30 AM on Saturday, July 15. 

Mary’s funeral mass will be held on Saturday at 10:15 AM on July 15 at St. Ignatius Church in Kingston, PA, the church she attended for the last 40 years. The mass will be followed by a procession to the gravesite at St. Ignatius Cemetery.  

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the American Heart Association at https://www.heart.org/en/get-involved/ways-to-give.

Mary never did anything that she didn’t want to do. Her honesty and her deeply rooted sense of right and wrong were legendary. If she had a problem with you, she would let you know about it. In the twilight of her life, when grieving the passing of friends and family, Mary would sometimes say, “Well. They had a life.”  She said this quietly and matter-of-factly, not as a dismissal but as an admiration of a life well-lived, a life beloved.

Mary had a life. And Mary was beloved.