#please consider this ask a community exercise
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I'd love to hear your hot take on the rest of the members worst styles. Please do this I need it. - F T Anon.
okay i have given this lots of thought and am prepared to be roasted to high heavens for this list. i have done both the objectively worst and my personal worst rankings.
namjoon —
sadly our boy has no debate over his worst style.
objectively worst:
my personal post-runch worst: the hair was fine but why did they style it like this, fake love era had many of my boys in shambles.
my personal favorite: i know he said he hated this hair which just goes to show men don't know anything.
yoongi —
aside from the goofy early japan photoshoots and the braids hat (which i'm not counting bc they're Too Obvious), yoongi doesn't miss much? perhaps he is more principled than the rest of his bandmates.
objectively worst: the terf era aka backup friar tuck.
my personal worst: i'm so sorry but i hated this hair. this shit was burnt to a crisp and the tone washed him out and they did him so dirty.
personal favorite: he has a lot of excellent looks and it was hard to choose one. i'm picking the daechwita undercut but please know his current long hair and the half-crimp are VERY close seconds.
hoseok —
another one that doesn't miss often but it does happen.
objectively worst: hobi's cns era hair (the honey brown with the blond highlights) is one of my all-time favorites, and then they did this. just no.
personal worst: i had a hard time choosing, bc early bangtan seems like such a copout and 2014 was rough, but he honestly doesn't miss much so i gave in. give our boy a texturizing spray.
personal favorite: love everything about this. the perm, the texture, the cut, the color. one forehead smooch for this stylist.
jimin —
i floated these opinions on discord last night and got roasted again.
objectively worst: skipping over some of the early stuff bc it's a copout, another crispy, over-dyed mess. he earns points back for the ponytail, though, bc if there's anything i'm a sucker for it's long hair.
my personal worst: this is what got me roasted. i hate this hair with a passion. no, i can't explain it, i just hate it.
personal favorite: a sleeper pick. did you expect this one, bc it's had me in a feral rage since he posted this photo. jess said this choice "said a lot about me."
taehyung —
i think the stylists took out most of their frustrations on the hyung line, bc i don't think the maknaes have had many misses? but there are definitely some.
objectively worst: no question. she was bad.
personal worst: it's so bad i had to put it twice.
my personal favorite: the blond mullet was close but there can only be one. this is very close to my favorite bangtan hair ever, not just on tae.
jungkook —
yeah idk. another one that doesn't miss often.
objectively worst: i don't want to bully a child but his hair hasn't often been bad so he left me with no choice. he gets a pass bc we all probably had questionable hair as teenagers within such close proximity of our idol, runch randa.
personal worst: another apology, but i wasn't a fan of this one dlfgijld. the cut was top-tier but the purple was too purple and i think it washed him out.
personal favorite: i literally could not choose between these so you get both. i know the wp21 were clip-ins but they deserve to have their recognition for how immaculate they were.
ok the end. please feel free to roast me and/or drop your bias's dogshit looks in my inbox pls <3
#good morning hope you're all doing well on this beautiful tuesday#please consider this ask a community exercise#jewel answers
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Devotional Acts - What are they and what do I do?
Hello! If you've wandered into deity or spirit work sects of the magical community then you've probably encountered the phrase "devotional act" at some point.
To some folks, this may be obvious, but to plenty of us starting out we had no clue what "devotional acts" were or how to do them. Here's a quick guide to get you started!
What is a Devotional Act?
Thankfully it breaks down easily!!
Devotional: of or used in religious worship. Act: take action; do something; behave a certain way
So put this together and we get acts that you do as a way of worship! You can do these actions as offerings to whatever entity you're devoted to or even as a one-time offering to a being you don't usually work with.
This is often a way of thanking the being you're interacting with or is used to appeal to or petition an entity for their power or wisdom.
Examples of Devotional Acts
Now, the type of devotional act is going to vary based on who or what you're devoting said act. However, I've compiled this short and non-exhaustive list for you to check over and perhaps take inspiration from!
Pray
Sing
Dance
Work out/exercise
Create art
Recite poetry
Clean up and maintained areas relevant to or protected by the entity
Listen to music that reminds you of the being
Cook
Meditate
Spend time with them
This is a very simple and basic list, if you want to get more detailed ideas please look into the lore and mythology of the entities you work with or are trying to petition or talk to others who work with them. You can also simply ask the being yourself what they would like you to do!
Enjoying my work? Consider supporting me for as little as $1 on ko-fi!
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wait?!?! you‘re considering writing for wandanat??😩 omg!! can you please write them with reader x cordelia goode!! maybe something angsty where reader gets hurt on a mission or something and tries to play it down
Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff x Cordelia Goode x Reader- One too many secrets
A/N: I have honestly been captured by marvel and wandanat. I couldn't help writing for them but I wanted to keep some of my ,,normal'' writing in there so I added Cordelia. This is my first time obviously writing Natasha and Wanda so I have no clue whether this is accurate or makes a lot of sense. Let me know what you think though as I quite enjoyed this 🫶🏻
tags/warnings: female reader, established relationship, quad polyamorous relationship, mention of violence, mention of gunshot, mention of blood, cursing, angst, fluff
translation: detka= baby, malishka= baby girl , zlatko= sweetheart
word count: 4.5k
taglist: (if you want to be added just sent me an ask/dm or comment)
@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay , @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @paulsonsratched , @stepintomyworld , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometime , @ohrwurm26 , @wastdstime
Todays mission had started out like any other mission, a quick briefing first, Tony talking you through most of the details and that you and the others had got this. Gathering your things before walking towards one of the quinjets and getting going. The last time you had both seen Wanda and Cordelia was two days ago now, travelling back and forth to the avengers compound and getting some training and exercise in, as well as greeting and chatting to some old friends.
They hated it, well Wanda only really did when she wasn't able to come along, however she had been stuck on another mission for the past few days and pretty much only got back when the two of you had to leave. Cordelia hated it altogether, she had met the avengers briefly and the three of you tried to be as open and communicative as possible, knowing the blonde wouldn't be able to cope with her crippling anxiety and worry otherwise. So, you had taken her to the compound a few times, getting to meet Tony and some of the others there. And despite the man even offering her to join them all, she refused, too busy with her own responsibilities of leading Miss Robichaux's Academy as their headmistress but also their supreme.
Cordelia was also your supreme, teaching you the basics years ago when you were dropped at the academy and didn't understand your powers and why no one wanted you. Somehow you stumbled upon the avengers, Wanda first before meeting everyone else and somehow getting caught in between it all. This was for sure never the life you had imagined, thinking you would grow old in the academy alongside Cordelia. However, a certain ginger and redhead somehow didn't only sweep you off your feet but equally the blonde sunshine that had been in your life for years. And so, the four of you slowly and with a few ups and downs along the way, built your life together, both away from the avengers compound and the academy, enjoying a more quiet and private space, rather than constantly being around people. Natasha's flying skills allowed her to easily move between places and Cordelia and Wanda's magic, as well as yours allowed the three of you to get wherever you wanted quickly.
As the quinjet prepares for landing, you glance at Natasha, who sits in the cockpit with Clint and you can't help but the small smile escaping you as you see her in her element. She loved this and you knew she did, however she especially enjoyed when her detka came along on missions. She had seen Wanda's magic on missions of course and her eyes always widened in that exact same way, disbelief, admiration and the slight shock. However your magic was different, so much lighter and beautiful and she enjoyed whenever she got to watch you or the supreme. It took a while to get you to where you are, Natasha training you to be her own little assassin and teaching you everything she had ever known and learned over the span of her life. She wanted to make sure you could protect yourself, hating the thought of anything ever happening to you and her not teaching you properly beforehand.
Your two girlfriends were utterly different. Sometimes when missions allowed it, the three of you would join in together. Wanda always fussed over you, often checking in with her magic to feel you close by when she couldn't see you. Not necessarily liking the thought of you doing all of these big adult things before Natasha had talked her out of those concern. Natasha let you do your own thing, trusting your abilities, magic and what she had taught you enough. However, her green eyes always lingered nearby, making sure someone wasn't getting a little too close to you, that the avengers didn't push you too much and didn't expect too much of you. She thought of you as a privilege to have around and help out and she made sure to treat you like that.
,,Ready Malishka?'' you hear her whisper as she brushes past, turning to smile at you before she follows the others. ,,Ready'' you assure with a smile, slightly taken back by her outfit and how badass she looked, especially with the flaming red hair, her smell lingering as she walks past and reminding you of home.
It really was supposed to be a quick in and out, Clint, Natasha and some others clearing the way for you, getting rid of some guards lingering nearby before getting to the big guys. Once inside, it was your job to finish the interrogation part, assuming they wouldn't talk and the avengers relying on you to use your Telepathy, read their minds and making them spill all the secrets, they would surely die for to protect. And it almost seemed a little too easy, as the three of you, including some backup cleared the way and eventually had the guys exactly where you wanted them. Bucky and Natasha tying them to some chairs before asking their questions, you eventually joining in and making them spill all their secrets. You had gotten what you wanted, Natasha filling in Tony who stayed behind, content with what you had gathered.
Yet, somehow you had missed something. Maybe it was due to the fact that you thought danger was averted, maybe you had been too taken back by your girlfriend and how both badass and beautiful she was or maybe it was the thought of relief and thinking you could return to your other two girlfriends waiting at home after finishing your mission reports once returned. It must have either been the cameras or the guys somehow alerting backup and almost as the four of you made it back, more guards appeared in front of you, heavily armed and ready to fight. Natasha was the first to notice, quickly tackling the first two running around the corner, Clint shooting some of his arrows, making some more fly across the floor. And you equally used your magic, making the new wave of them fly across the hallway and knocking them unconscious, Natasha watching and smirking in adoration.
As Natasha winks at you, she watches as your face turns serious, the three of them expecting danger to be averted as it had been deadly silent. However, your magic was quick to alert you that you had missed something, sending an all too familiar shiver down your spine and the feeling of doom that was nearby. You were no supreme, and usually this was a power that only Cordelia and Wanda managed to use. ,,Incoming'' you quickly alert them, their faces growing serious with concern. As you look around you, trying to find the obvious sign of what was going on, you glance around only to find another flood of them coming basically out of nowhere. ,,Fucking hell'' Natasha curses before the four of you get back into action, fighting to get out of there as really your mission was done and successful. Again you use your magic to send most of them shooting across the hallway and into the nearest wall.
However as you glance at Natasha, you watch her surrounded by some big guys, and despite the Russian definitely not needing your assistance, you can't help the overwhelming feeling of wanting to keep her safe. In a swift motion, you send half of them flying across the floor, quickly teleporting near her. ,,Nice one'' she praises as she chuckles. The room fills with the sound of more grunting and gunshots as the last wave of guards attempt to stop you from exiting with all the informations you had gathered. It doesn't take too long before the four of you manage to send them to the floor as well. Caught in the heat of it all, you had missed the excruciating pain you felt on your back, swallowing the lump in your throat and ignoring the obvious signs of pain and shock your body was alerting you of.
,,Detka, you okay?'' Natasha reassures as you exit the building and make your way towards the quinjet. ,,All good'' you smile, before she buckles you into your seat and begins taking you all back home. You should have said something, the pain increasing by the minute and causing your vision to blur slightly as you feel the throbbing pain in your shoulder. You had always been a little stubborn, not wanting to show weakness in front of them as especially your girlfriends lifes so far had been filled with nothing but pain and grief. And you never wanted to add to it, always making sure to help them out in whatever way you could, whether it was helping Nat with training, Cordelia with the academy or Wanda with things she was doing around the house.
Before your eyes feel heavier by the minute, you manage to linger your hand over the source of the pain, your magic slowly easing it a little before you allow your eyes to close. Your healing magic for sure was nothing compared to Wanda or Delia's and so the only thing it managed to do is ease the pain, lulling you to sleep a little, however the bullet remaining inside your shoulder, as well as blood dripping slowly down the inside of your clothing. It doesn't take long before you make it back, the quinjet allowing you to travel through the sky in no time before making it back to headquarters. As Natasha gets ready to follow the others, her eyes land on your sleeping form, still strapped into your seat and she can't help but frown, knowing how tiring and exhausting missions could be. ,,Detka, wake up'' she tries softly, nudging your shoulder moments later in an attempt to wake you.
As the pain shoots through your body again, your eyes widen, your mouth slightly agape but quickly composing yourself as you see the concerned green eyes from your girlfriend in front of you. She had noticed of course, ever the perceptive one, how your face was much paler, eyes filled with pain and the slight wincing when she had woken you moments ago. ,,Are you okay?'' she tries again, before you quickly nod, unbuckling your seatbelt and quick on your feet. Despite the dizzy spell, you take your girlfriends hand and lead her outside, following the others as you wanted nothing more than to get home. The redhead knew you to be stubborn, even secretive at times and she could tell something was up, assuming that maybe you indeed were simply tired and worn out after today, unbeknownst of the wound and the blood that continued dripping down the inside of your uniform.
The meeting following after, as well as the mission report feel like an eternity and you can't help but seek the comfort of your girlfriend. Mid meeting you had subconsciously reached for her hand underneath the table and she squeezed it tight, you not usually the affectionate type, especially when it was outside of your home and sacred, safe walls. After another hour, Natasha is quick to guide the two of you outside and back home, noticing how with each minute passing you seem more tired and practically falling asleep on her shoulder. She couldn't help but admire how comfortable you seem, resting your head on her and how her presence noticeably made you feel safe. She had taken a mental note to get either Wanda or Cordelia to check on you after this mission, making sure that you didn't get hurt, whether that was physically or something bothering you else wise.
,,Malishka, we're home'' the voice of your girlfriend softly awakens you, your eyes quickly falling shut again as the pain continued to pierce through you and almost take your breath away.
,,Come on sleepyhead'' she tries again, chuckling a little before you follow her inside, your heart beating a little faster as you think about getting to see your girlfriends in a moment.
As soon as the two of you step inside, the air is filled with both Cordelia and Wanda's cooking. You can't help but smile, assuming that Delia had cooked dinner and Wanda probably baked something, the two of them enjoying greeting you like that after a long mission. ,,Hi there'' Cordelia beams, greeting Natasha with a kiss on the cheek, before opening her arms to you. ,,Hi sweetheart'' Cordelia coos, as you practically fall into her arms, the exhausting heavy on your features and tired body. ,,There are my two favourite girls'' Wanda chuckles softly upon laying eyes on you both.
,,How did it go?'' Wanda asks curiously, not really having been able to think about much other than the two of you and the mission, despite Cordelia trying to distract her. ,,All good, our detka kicked ass'' Natasha chuckles, causing Wanda to smirk a little and Cordelia to smile proudly.
The supreme could tell there was something bothering you, her senses and the love she feels for you, instantly alerting her of something. However she wasn't quite sure what but the way you had held onto her for a second longer than your usual greeting hug, the way your eyes looked a little different and missed the usual sparkle and just your overall form. ,,Are you two hungry?'' Wanda tries, watching as Natasha is quick to toss her jacket away, having already showered at the compound but you insisting on showering at home. ,,Shower first please'' you manage to mumble out, before the three of them share a knowing glance. ,,Of course sweetheart'' Cordelia softly assures before you walk towards the bedroom. ,,Need any help zlatko?'' Wanda tries but you simply shake your head, thankfully declining her offer.
As soon as the shower is to be heard, Wanda and Cordelia simultaneously glance at Natasha, who stands by the kitchen counter, already stuffing some of the cookies that Wanda had made into her mouth. ,,What?'' she shrugs, her two girlfriends not being able to hide the smirk at her adorable antics. ,,How did that mission go Nat? really?'' Wanda tries, her and the blonde sharing the same concern over you. ,,It was good'' Natasha begins speaking, trying to swallow the cookies before getting scolded for speaking with her mouth full. ,,Y/N was great- as always'' she reassures before she meets their concerned glances. ,,I think she's tired, she fell asleep pretty much as we headed back and she's been a bit clingy since'' the redhead announces, before taking another mouthful of cookies and Wanda raises an eyebrow in return.
A set of green eyes meet Cordelia's brown ones, Wanda sharing the concern over you and knowing it had always been important to you to keep this professional, especially when around the others. Meanwhile you had somehow managed to get inside the shower, washing most of the blood and dirt away from the day, despite the soaring pain that was hard to ignore by now. It took you a while to wash yourself, really only having one arm available to do so. Before you know it, you find yourself half dressed, in front of the bathroom mirror, on your tip toes, trying hard to get a good look on your wound and trying to determine what you needed to do in order to heal it with your magic abilities. However as you try to turn a little, another wave of dizziness washes over you, causing you to stumble forwards and grip towards the sink, causing the several shampoo, conditioner and soap bottles to fall to the ground with an alarming noise.
,,Sweetheart, are you alright?'' you hear the voice of your blonde girlfriend moments later, internally cursing yourself for being so stupid and knowing they would be furious if they found out like this now. ,,Darling?'' Wanda tries next, and despite wanting nothing more than to answer, to reassure that you are fine and make the worry very evident in their voices, go away, you couldn't. The dizziness held a tight grip around you, making it impossible to open your eyes, the bright light only adding to your state. The pain causing the lump in your throat to get bigger, tears beginning to spill almost if your eyes had been open. It takes mere seconds before the door bursts open and you are unsure in your state whether you had locked it to begin with, unsure whether Natasha had simply kicked in the door, or whether your other two girlfriends had used their magic to open the door.
,,Y/N'' Cordelia calls out, watching your frame as you grip harder around the sink, Wanda's eyes immediately landing on your shoulder and seeing the blood and wound. They are quick to rush over, Wanda also calling for Natasha and the redhead quick to equally jolt towards the bathroom. ,,What happened?'' the redhead speaks with concern, before her eyes lay upon you. ,,Dammit detka'' she curses, finally understanding what had happened and why you had been so quiet. ,,Alright, sweetheart, let's sit you down'' Cordelia tries softly, despite the panic very evident in her voice and features. Wanda and Natasha are quick to get you to sit down, careful of your injury. ,,Looks like it's still in there'' the redhead remarks, having seen her fair share of gunshots in her line of work. ,,You can fix this right?'' she asks, her voice betraying the hint of worry as the color continues draining from your face.
Wanda and Cordelia's gazes meet, certain they can fix this but determining how. Their magics worked quite differently and while it would take healing potions and swamp mud for Cordelia to fix it, it pretty much only takes a flick of Wanda's wrist to fix your injury and so she is quick to light her hands in a red color before the blood and bullet slowly fade, making the wound disappear altogether. Cordelia watches in awe, Natasha watching in relief as your shoulder is back to normal due to Wanda's magical abilities. ,,Darling, are you alright?'' the scarlet witch questions softly, noticing your face still a little pale and face scrunched up in pain. In reality, you felt more guilty than anything, knowing they would be upset with you now, the pain still lingering on your shoulder due to the impact and how long it had been there. ,,Fine, thank you'' you manage to mumble, before Cordelia is quick to help you on your feet and finish getting you dressed.
As the supreme leads you back towards the bedroom, offering you some rest after the shock from today, you can already hear your other girlfriends voices raising from the room next door. ,,Nat, calm down'' Wanda tries softly, noticing how the redhead was visibly upset, pacing back and forth the living room, her fists clenched. ,,No- she should have talked to me for gods sake''. Cordelia frowns watching your guilty eyes and the tears threatening to spill any moment, despite the fatigue and sleepiness very visible in your features and tired eyes. ,,You get some rest darling and we'll be right here'' the supreme reassures, tugging you in a little and pressing a soft, comforting kiss on your forehead.
,,Enough'' the blonde scolds as she makes her way back towards the living room. Natasha simply rolls her eyes, Wanda's concerned eyes following the redhead as she continues pacing. ,,She could have jeopardised the whole mission'' the redhead sighs before she continues speaking ,,If one of us gets hurt, we tell the other one'' she sighs now, the anger slowly subsiding from her features before it turns into hurt, her eyes glistening with tears. ,,Hey hey'' Wanda tries, moving towards her girlfriend before taking her shaky hands into her steady ones. ,,Our little one certainly is good at keeping secrets'' Wanda begins, Cordelia nodding in agreement. ,,But I'm sure she just wanted to keep everyone safe'' Wanda tries reasoning with her girlfriends, despite feeling furious herself, given what could have happened.
,,I didn't see it, I thought she was tired'' Natasha sighs again, almost mumbling the words as a tear falls down her cheek. ,,Honey-'' Cordelia coos, quick to wipe the tear from her girlfriends features. ,,Like Wands here said, she's stubborn but you couldn't have known'' they reassure, slowly coaxing the avenger out of her shell and state. ,,I'm sure you must be hungry darling'' the blonde tries softly, before some guilty puppy eyes meet her brown ones. ,,Come on'' Wanda chuckles, taking Natasha's hand and leading her towards the dining room.
By the time you finally awaken from your slumber, your eyes eventually closing as dark shades of orange and red flooded your bedroom from the sunset, it's now replaced by a darkness. The only light source, a little lamp in the corner of your bedroom. When you turn a little, you notice both the absence of your girlfriends but also of the pain. Wanda's magic really did wonders to your state, as you can move freely without the slightest pain, despite a headache lingering. Slowly, you move the blanket from your tired body, despite feeling sleepy, wanting to be close to your girls and knowing you owed them an apology. As you walk past the dresser, you reach for a cardigan, feeling a little chilly and instantly noticing how it must be Wanda's as her scent and perfume lingers around you, instantly making you feel calm and at home.
As you step through the hallway, glancing at the countless artwork on the walls, as well as the photo wall that Wanda had added a while ago, both dorky selfies and official photos from either of you at events, you smile a little, recalling each day as if it had been yesterday. Your sleep didn't last too long, as by the time your eyes meet them, the three of them are still sitting by the dining table, having finished their meals not too long ago. With a smile, you watch Wanda bringing over the tray of cookies, Cordelia already getting a head start on the dishes. ,,Hi detka'' Wanda greets you softly as she notices you hovering by the doorframe.
,,Hi'' you mumble, the guilt very evident in your voice as your eyes fall upon both Cordelia and Wanda, still avoiding Natasha's gaze as you knew she was furious with you. ,,Are you hungry baby girl?'' the witch questions, causing you to simply nod a little shily before Cordelia reaches for your plate that she had kept warm for you. Hesitantly, you sit beside your girlfriend, Wanda joining the blonde with doing the dishes, knowing you and the redhead could use some quiet to talk this through, knowing you both to be stubborn. You gaze is dropped onto your plate, as you take slow and hesitant bites, despite feeling like starving, suddenly feeling like not eating under Natasha's gaze, the guilt consuming you and nagging at your insides. ,,Detka?'' she tries softly, seeing the genuine remorse in your eyes and feeling bad for her earlier outburst after the two had managed to calm her down.
,,Yeah?'' you whisper softly, your eyes already filling with tears. ,,Can you look at me?'' she tries, hating to see you like this and not having you meet her gaze. As soon as your eyes land upon the redhead, your vision fills with tears and she is quick to move her chair back, allowing you access to settle on her lap. ,,Come here'' she ushers and you comply, quickly getting comfortable on her lap, before holding onto her, as her strong arms wrap around yours. ,,It's okay malishka'' she reassures as she notices you sniffling in her embrace. ,,I'm sorry'' you choke on a sob, pathetically holding onto the hem of her shirt as your guilty eyes meet hers, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with todays events, despite usually being able to stay strong for your girlfriends. However, the thought of upsetting, displeasing your partners killed you inside as all you ever wanted was to make them happy, proud and content.
,,Why didn't you tell me?'' she asks softly after your cries eventually quieten down, listening to her steady heartbeat. Her tone is soft, the question sounding more curious and concerned than stern or angry and you could tell. ,,I just hate letting anyone down'' you sigh, not necessarily knowing how to put your feelings into words. ,,Detka, you didn't let anyone down, you made sure we got out of there'' she reassures, recalling your badass actions. A moment of silent follows, Cordelia and Wanda watching the exchange and a sad smile forming on their lips, seeing you two so closely, despite your pain. ,,What is it, really?'' she tries again, knowing you long enough by now to know that this wasn't the whole truth.
As you glance around, you watch as Cordelia gives you an encouraging smile, still cleaning the kitchen but obviously following the exchange between you two. ,,I just never want to burden you three'' you finally sigh, some more tears streaming from your features. Natasha's eyebrows furrow in confusion, not understanding your statement, considering the four of you had always been so loyal, so honest with each other. And you pick it up, her hesitation, the confusion washing over her face. And you knew if you had told the same to Wanda or your Delia they would have understood, knowing what it feels like to be a burden due to their past. But Natasha was tougher, fierce, being able to work out her demons on her own and having worked through her past mostly on herself.
,,I-'' you hesitate but feel Natasha's hand reaching for yours and squeezing it in a reassuring manner. ,,The three of you have been through enough and I thought I could fix it on my own'' you admit and you watch as her face almost crumbles, finally understanding your actions. And Natasha hated your statement, she hated how you put them first, their pain and grief and past before your own. She wanted to simply hold you and never let you go, tell you that they and she always want to know, always want to take care of you and never having you hide these things. ,,Detka'' she begins, taking a deep breath and hooking her finger underneath your chin so you can look into her green eyes.
,,Detka, you mean the world to us and we never want you to hide from us, we want to be there for you, just like you are always there for us three'' she reassures, watching your eyes and wanting to make sure you understand her statement. ,,Besides darling, you are a witch, not some super soldier'' she chuckles a little ,,Did you really think you could fix this without us noticing'' and your guilty puppy eyes meet her own yet again. ,,I'm just glad you're okay'' she reassures before holding you a little tighter and you finally manage to relax in her touch.
It doesn't take long, before Wanda and Cordelia join the two of you again, the supreme giving you a reassuring and proud smile for opening up, knowing it wasn't your strong suit. Wanda doing the same towards Natasha, glad the redhead had managed to calm down and talk this through with their detka. ,,Can I have a cookie now?'' you frown, before Cordelia and Wanda chuckle passing you the tray. ,,You didn't even touch your dinner darling'' Cordelia scolds softly, raising an eyebrow. ,,I'm an avenger, I can have dessert before dinner'' you protest, the three of them chuckling before Natasha presses a kiss to your forehead while still holding you in her arms. ,,Are you now?'' Wanda chuckles, finding your antics and the sight in front of her adorable. ,,Our badass avenger'' Natasha confirms, glancing at her other two lovers with a proud and satisfied smirk.
#sarah paulson#cordelia goode#cordelia goode x reader#american horror story#ahs#ahs coven#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x reader#wandanat#wandanat x reader#scarlett johansson#elizabeth olsen#marvel#the avengers#scarlet witch#black widow#writing
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The (Personal) Is (Political)
~7 hours, Dall-E 3 via Bing Image Creator, generated under the Code of Ethics of Are We Art Yet?
Or, Dear Microsoft and OpenAI: Your Filters Can't Stop Me From Saying Things: An interactive exercise in why all art is political and game of Spot The Symbols
A rare piece I consider Fully Finished simply as a jpeg, though I may do something physical with it regardless. "Director commentary" below, but I strongly encourage you to go over this and analyze it yourself before clicking through, then see how much your reading aligns with my intent.
Elements I told the model to add and a brief (...or at least inexhaustive) overview of why:
Anime style and character figures - Frequently associated with commercial "low" art and consumer culture, in East Asia and the English-speaking world alike, albeit in different ways - justly or otherwise. There is frequently an element of racism to the denigration of anime styles in the west; nearly any American artist who has taken formal illustration classes can tell you a story of being told that anime style will only hinder them, that no one will hire them if they see anime, or even being graded more harshly and scrutinized for potential anime-esque elements if they like anime or imply that they may like anime - including just by being Asian and young. On the other hand, it is true that there is a commercial strategy of "slap an anime girl on it and it will sell". The passion fans feel for these characters is genuine - and it is very, very exploitable. In fact, this commercialization puts anime styles in particular in a very contentious position when it comes to AI discussions!
Dark-skinned boy with platinum and pink [and blue] hair - Racism and colorism! They're a thing, no matter how much the worst people in the world want you to think they're long over and "critical race theory" is the work of evil anti-American terrorists! I chose his appearance because I knew that unless I was incredibly lucky, I would have to fight with this model for multiple hours to get satisfactory results on this point in particular - and indeed I did. It was an interesting experience - what didn't surprise me was how much work it took me to get a skin color darker than medium-dark tan; what did surprise me was that the hair color was very difficult to get right. In anime art, for dark skin to be matched with light hair and eyes is common enough to be...pretty problematic. Bing Image Creator/Dall-E, on the other hand, swings completely in the opposite direction and struggles with the concept of giving dark-skinned characters any hair color OTHER than black, demanding pretty specific phrasing to get it right even 70% of the time. (I might cynically call this yet another illustration against the pervasive copy-paste myth...) There is also much to say about the hair texture and facial features - while I was pleased to see that more results than I expected gave me textured hair and/or box braids without me asking for it, those were still very much in the minority, and I never saw any deviation from the typical anime facial structures meant to illustrate Asian and white characters. Not even once!
Pink and blue color palette - Our subject is transgender. Bias self-check time: did you make that association as quickly as you would with a light-skinned character, or even Sylveon?
Long hair, cute clothes, lots of accessories - Styling while transmasc is a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation, doubly so if you're not white. In many locations, the medical establishment and mainstream attitude demands total conformity to the dominant culture's standard conventional masculinity, or else "revoking your man card" isn't just a joke meant to uphold the idea that men are "better" than women, but a very real threat. In many queer communities, especially online, transmascs are expected to always be cute femboys who love pink (while transfems are frequently degraded and seen as threats for being butch), and being Just Some Guy is viewed as inherently a sign of assimilationism at best and abusiveness at worst. It is an eternal tug-of-war where "cuteness" and ornamentation are both demanded and banned at the same time. Black and brown people are often hypermasculinized and denied the opportunity to even be "cute" in the first place, regardless of gender. Long hair and how gender is read into it is extremely culture-dependent; no matter what it means to you, if anything, the dominant culture wherever you are will read it as it likes.
Trophies and medals - For one, the trans sports Disk Horse has set feminism back by nearly 50 years; I'm barely a Real History-Remembering Adult and yet I clearly remember a time when the feminist claim about gender in sports was predominantly "hey, it's pretty fucked up that sports are segregated by sex rather than weight class or similar measures, especially when women's sports are usually paid much less and given weirdly oversexualized uniforms," but then a few loud living embodiments of turds in the punch bowl realized that might mean treating trans people fairly and now it's super common for self-proclaimed feminists - mostly white ones - to claim that the strongest woman will still never measure up to the weakest man and this is totally a feminist statement because they totally want to PROTECT women (with invasive medical screenings on girls as young as 12 to prove they're Really Women if they perform too well, of course). For two, Black and brown people are stereotyped as being innately more sporty, physically strong, and, again, Masculine(TM) than others, which frequently intersects with item 1...and if you think it only affects trans women, I am sorry my friend but it is so much worse and more extensive than you think.
Hearts - They mean many things. Love. Happiness. Cuteness. Social media engagement?
TikTok - A platform widely known and hated around these parts for its arcane and deeply regressive algorithm; I felt it deserved to be name/layout/logodropped for reasons that, if they're not clear already, should become so in the final paragraph.
Computers, cameras and cell phones - My initial specification was that one of the phones should be on Instagram and another on TikTok, which the model instead chose to interpret as putting a TikTok sticker on the laptop, but sure, okay. They're ubiquitous in the modern day, for better and for worse. For all the debate over whether phones and social media are Good For Us or Bad For Us, the fact of the matter is, they seem to be a net positive-to-neutral, whose impacts depend on the person - but they do still have major drawbacks. The internet is a platform for conspiracy theories and pseudoscience and dangerous hoaxes to spread farther than ever before. Social media culture leaves many people feeling like we're always being watched and every waking moment of our lives must be Perfect - and in some senses, we are always being watched these days. Digital privacy is eroding by the day, already being used to enforce all the most unjust laws on the books, which leads to-
Pigs - I wrote the prompt with the intention that it would just be a sticker on the laptop, but instead it chose to put them everywhere, and given that I wanted to make a somewhat stealthy statement about surveillance, especially of the marginalized...thanks for that, Dall-E! ;)
Alligators - A counter to the pigs; a short-lived antifascist symbol after...this.
Details I did not intend but love anyway:
The blue in the hair - I only prompted for platinum and pink in the hair, but the overall color palette description "bled" over here anyway, completing the trans flag, making it even more blatant, and thus even more effective as a bias self-check.
The Macbook - I only specified a laptop. Hilariously ironic, to me, that a service provided through Bing interpreted "laptop" as "Macbook" nearly every time. In my recent history, 22 out of 24 attempts show, specifically, a Macbook. Microsoft v. OpenAI divorce arc when? ;) But also, let us not forget Apple's role in the ever-worsening sanitization of the internet. A Macbook with a TikTok sticker (or, well, a Tiikok sticker - recognizable enough) - I can think of little more emblematic of one of the main things I was complaining about, and it was a happy accident. Or perhaps an unhappy one, considering what it may imply about Apple's grip on culture and communications.
Which brings me to my process:
Generated over ~7 hours with Dall-E 3 through Bing Image Creator - The most powerful free tool out there for txt2img these days, as well as a nightmare of filters and what may be the most disgustingly, cloyingly impersonal toxic positivity I've ever witnessed from a tool. It wants to be Art(TM), yet it wants to ban Politics(TM); two things which are very much incompatible - and so, I wanted to make A Controversial Statement using only the most unflaggable, innocuous elements imaginable, no matter how long it took.
All art is political. All life is political. All our "defaults" are cultural, and therefore political. Anything whatsoever can be a symbol.
If you want all art to be a substance-free "look at the pretty picture :)" - it doesn't matter how much you filter, buddy, you've got a big storm coming.
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PAC Reading
What Does Your Priestess Want To Tell You?
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Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3
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Pile 4 Pile 5 Pile 6
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Pile 1
Empress ☆ Queen/Wands ☆ Moon
Awaken • Speak Your Will • Dance
You are channeling femininity, courage, and magic. You are beginning to know the mysteries and unknowns of the universe. If this hasn't happened already, it's happening soon. Sit in your Empress energy and recognize how much sway you have over others. Speak with clarity and kindness as well as justice. Dancing will be cathartic for you as well as illuminating. Try dancing to channel, because you will have results!
Pile 2
Magician ☆ Hanged Man ☆ Star
Take a Break • Lucidity • The Garden
You are giving capable and knowledgeable energy. A bit like Jack Sparrow, where he's certain he'll get away, just not quite sure how...yet. You have all the tools and power at your disposal, and instead, you are being asked to pause. Reflect or even take a break. Rather than trying to plow through, allow your escape plan to form naturally. Try gardening to help you channel energies and to ground your energy. This is where you are being invited to meet and channel your guides.
Pile 3
10/Cups ☆ Ace/Swords ☆ Queen/Pentacles
Courage • Morality • Success
Your energy is that of clarity, beginnings, and financial abundance. You are a queen, and it shows. You are fulfilled, growing, and thriving. More is coming your way. Just keep focusing on your goals, and you are sure to succeed. Keep the faith and be just with your fellow man because you hold more sway than you know. You are being supported by your guides and I'm so proud of how much you have already accomplished.
Pile 4
9/Cups ☆ 4/Wands ☆ Judgment
Awaken • Healer • The Way
You are being called to take up the mantle of a healer and priestess. You are emotionally secure and integrated into a community and have the wisdom to guide. Awaken to your potential and purpose so you can heal those around you. You know your path and the way you ought to go, so don't let anyone dissuade you. You are amazing, so please step into your power and take up this position. The world needs you ❤️
Pile 5
Sun ☆ Magician ☆ 4/Cups
Boundaries • Warrior • Priestess
You are being invited to exercise gratitude. You are feeling stalled and apathetic, but know that you have everything you need to succeed. All of the power and materials are in your hands, so take the time to consider all that you do have and how many options you truly have. Hold your boundaries with others, but make sure you are checking yourself and not crossing others' boundaries.
Pile 6
Temperance ☆ 6/Cups ☆ Chariot
Answer the Call • Play • Strawberries
You are thinking of the past and reminiscing about what was rather than what things could be. You are being called to get active and to play, nothing that drains you only good endorphins. Play like when you were a kid, make-believe and eat delicious foods like when you were young. By letting yourself grieve, you can move into a space of gratitude. Your guides are so supportive and proud of you as well as your ancestors.
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#pick a pile reading#pick a picture#pick a photo#pick a card#pac#pac tarot#pac reading#oracle cards#oracle reading#tarot reader#tarot reading#tarotcommunity#tarot deck#tarot cards#free tarot
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Not to harsh your joy regarding your personal project, (which does sound awesome!) the fact that you keep answering the "can I do fanfic?" questions with "technically yes, but have you considered not doing that?" does not actually *feel* very fanfic friendly. (Especially for anyone who enjoys fanfic as a hobby and isn't also an ofic writer. For example, I personally write almost exclusively character studies that are an explicit reaction to canon; there is no real way to write that sort of thing except as fanfic.)
Which is just a long-winded way of requesting that you maybe consider less of a caveat with the FAQ if you make one, please.
oh that was definitely not my intention, thanks for the ask! I think it was mostly just because I got that same question a few times in a row from various anons within the same time span (including some that were not published publicly), it just happened that I was thinking of my own project(s, plural now) in the last day when I answered those two, for those who want an extra creative challenge.
There's a reason my own original thing has been in my head for the last ten years without me actually writing it while I've written and posted tons of fanfiction, and even now some of my original works are going to be based on Arsene Lupin, so they'd technically be considered fanfiction since they're based on and use an established work for the characters and settings --
--writing completely original fic *is* harder, and that's exactly why I'm *suggesting* (not requiring!) that people consider taking 1 out of short story 4 challenges to look at their work in a new light.
90% of what I read and (until I actually start and finish my original works) 100% of what I've written in my life is fanfic. I have nothing against fanfic, otherwise I woudn't even be interested in creative writing.
But its also not a diss to say "Would you consider looking at your [fanfic] writing from a new angle and try to figure out different ways of going about it?"
Honestly, being able to even consider this option *as a fun extra challenge* is meant to help improve your writing and creative skills; it's not meant as a cheap shot at people who choose to write fanfiction because I my self write and read tons of it,
it's me saying "if you want even more practice at creative writing during these monthly challenges, try branching out a little bit from your comfort zone, you may be pleasantly surprised."
People who write and read fanfiction already have tons of creative experience, and if people like me and many other fanfic writers who one day dream of being published authors, want to broaden our horizons and seek new experiences, one of the easiest exercises is to take something we're planning on writing or already wrote, and see what we would change to make it brand new and standalone--
-- something that not only helps you come up with new ideas, but also will help when it comes time to *edit*, which can be, depending on the length and complexity of your story, can be a complicated process:
whether that means having to delete scenes entirely,
changing what a character says,
altering an aspect of the worldbuilding to fix plot holes
, re-writing your character so they're not overpowered because it was ruining the stakes and tension,
changing the POV of chapters because it was ruining the flow of the story,
etc etc etc.
I love fan fiction.
I love reading it and I love writing it, and for many people who take on monthly writing challenges, it is a way to test ourselves and gear ourselves up and prove to ourselves that not only can we write x amount of words, but it proves to ourselves that we are *capable of creating*, and for many creatives, that ultimately leads to crafting our own unique stories;
if you're already taking place in a monthly writing challenge, why not push the bounds a little bit *if you're so inclined* and test the waters? Especially when you're surrounded by a community who is cheering you on, every step of the way?
Every Nanowrimo I ever won was fanfiction. Heck, even not during November I once did 40k words in two weeks for a fic.
I always stalled out when I tried to write original works;
it is much easier to start small with a single short story than it is to try to write an entirely original novel, and my encouraging people to try baby steps by *experimenting* with one short story out of four in a month is not meant to be a diss against fanfiction,
but an *encouragement to those like me* who were so eager to write original works but floundered when I tried to jump into the deep end and felt disheartened.
Many fanfic authors aspire to write original fics, and thats who that challenge is for, for the people who want to write original works but are too afraid to fully commit; I'll still be writing and posting fanfiction even if I become a published author, even If I just have to come up with a few new pen-names to post them under.
There's absolutely no judgement on anyone who wants to write fanfiction for these challenges, my "caveat" as you say, is only there as encouragement to those like me who are afraid to take the first step, or uncertain of how to even *begin* that first step, not any kind of condemnation.
TL;DR:
I did not mean for my responses on the "can I write fanfiction" to come off as rude or looking down on fanfiction, its meant to be an encouragment to all the people like me who love fanfic and started out writing fanfiction, and dream of writing original works to take the first step, with a community of like-minded people all taking the same challenge.
Like every other challenge aspect of these events, taking a fanfic idea and turning it into an original short story is completely optional and meant as inspiration, just like following prompts for events is not mandatory, and even completing the 30k word goal is not mandatory; the goal for this month is to create, get in the habit of creating, and having fun with it!
#replies#long post#I gotta leave for work but hopefully this clarifies?#I might just be reading too much into it or vice versa?#my posts are not meant to be rude or an attack but theyre meant to be#encouragement and inspiration for those looking for it#just like having prompts and the option of doing short stories for november instead of one long complete work etc#writing a thesis statement - a dissertation - a fanfic - an original work - a technical manual-- all of these are still writing#this whole event is optional with additional optional challenges and prompts meant to spark creativity and flexibility
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Handsome boyfriend
here in spain it's 5 am and I should be sleeping
anyway, here I made the reader's gender expression male, but always remember that you are valid, no matter how masculine or feminine you look 👍
Dazai x Ftm!Reader
English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the mistakes
tw: transphobia on the part of parents, gender dysphoria, reader's gender expression male
Dazai was not an idiot, he had noticed from the beginning that you were not comfortable being a cisgender girl.
He noticed from your first interaction, you treated yourself with male pronouns and when Dazai also treated you by those same pronouns you seemed so happy, as if it was the first time someone referred to you correctly.
He didn't mention anything about it, he understood that you were strangers and that if you hadn't told him from the beginning, he wasn't anyone to be nosy.
As your relationship grew, he noticed how you looked at yourself in the mirror with a disgusted expression, how you sometimes did exercises to make your voice more masculine and how in your last Google searches there were things related to the topic of starting a transition as a trans person.
When you started dating, he thought you would talk to him and tell him everything that was on your mind, but you never did. He himself tried to bring up the topic of conversation regarding the trans community, but you always refused to talk about it and seemed uncomfortable, so he didn't push you anymore.
He decided it was best for you to take the first step one day, one day like today.
It was in night, Dazai couldn't sleep because of his insomnia, and you should be at your parents' house.
He saw your number appear on his cell phone screen, he knew from that moment on that something wasn't right. As much as you might have trouble sleeping, you didn't usually stay awake at a late hour like this, let alone call him.
"Hey Belladonna! What are you doing up at this hour, uhm?"
The first thing he heard on the other end was a suppressed sob from you, that's what confirmed that something was wrong.
"Hey, darling, what's wrong?" He used the most reassuring tone she could and hid his concern.
"Uhm, Dazai, can I come to your place...? Please..." It was obvious from your voice that you were crying, so broken and weak, that Dazai was almost heartbroken to hear you.
"What happened? I don't know if you should come, it's too late, something might happen to you, do you want me to come to your place better?"
"No, no, I'm not at home, I, uhm, I know it's late, but I don't have anywhere else to stay."
He was quiet for a moment, thinking about what you had just said, worst case scenarios came to his mind.
"Yeah, sure, you can come" He was going to ask if he could come to where you were and at least walk together, but you quickly mumbled a 'Thank you.' And you hung up.
He just sat there on the futon with his cell phone in his hand, thinking about what the fuck had happened to you.
Within 10 minutes there was a knock on his door and when he opened it he saw you, with wet cheeks and watery eyes, you had a backpack on your back.
Two details of your appearance caught his attention: you were wearing baggy clothes, he could recognize that you were wearing a T-shirt that he himself gave you days ago, it was not usual for you, since you always wore clothes considered "feminine". The other detail was your hair, your long mane was now gone, you wore your hair short and somewhat badly cut, a sign that you probably cut it yourself.
Before you could speak, you dropped on Dazai's figure and hugged him tightly as you cried into his chest.
"Hey, hey, will you tell me what happened?" he tried to reassure you by placing one of his hands on your back and the other on his head, stroking your hair. "You've had a makeover, I see." He said with a smile.
"Dazai, I'm a trans guy, is that okay? Are you still my boyfriend?" He knew you were, but was surprised by your last question: didn't you know he would love you no matter who you are?
"Of course I'll still be your boyfriend, I love you and I don't care what you are as long as you're comfortable. If you're a boy that's perfect, you will still be my handsome boyfriend."
Dazai put his hands on your tearful cheeks and made you separate your face from his chest, so you could look at him. He wiped away your falling tears with his thumbs and gave you a reassuring smile.
You felt the weight on your shoulders disappear. He accepted you, Dazai accepted you, it felt so good to know that. You cried harder.
"Let's go inside, okay? And then we can talk more comfortably."
He moved his hand to your waist and guided you inside his house, to the couch. He sat you there and gave you a kiss on your forehead. "I'll get you some tea, don't move." After that in no time you were alone again.
You wiped your tears as best you could and thought about everything that happened: you had a fight with your parents, they always insisted that you be as feminine as possible, but you couldn't anymore, you weren't comfortable. You decided to cut your hair in a fit of dysphoria and when they saw you they got angry, you tried to explain and tell them the truth about your gender, but as soon as they heard you the house became a place full of screams, and finally they threw you out of the house, saying they never wanted to see you again. Your parents themselves rejected you, that was so painful, how could they reject the person they share blood with just because of their gender identity? You didn't understand.
A hand on your shoulder brought you out of your thoughts, there stood Dazai, a worried expression implanted on his face, but as soon as he saw you snap out of your trance he smiled at you. "Ah, you got a little lost in your thoughts, didn't you?" Dazai passed the cup of tea to your hands and you thanked him with a trembling voice.
You took a few sips of the tea as you tried to relax and set it down on the table.
He sat down next to you and put his arm around your shoulders. "Well, will you tell me what happened?"
You let out a sigh and prepared to speak. "My parents always wanted a girly girl and I tried to be one, tried to make them happy, but-" And just like that you cried again. Dazai stayed by your side, giving you support and comfort, it was nice to have your boyfriend by your side. "I couldn't hide this anymore, I wasn't happy.... When they saw me with my hair like that and telling them I was a boy they kicked me out of the house."
You snuggled weakly against Dazai's chest, you were so tired. You really needed this hug.
"Please, Belladonna, don't listen to whatever they said. If they don't let you be happy just the way you are, it's best to stay away from them" You closed your eyes and melted at his words, he was right, he was always right. "You can stay with me as long as you wish, my house is always open for you."
Dazai moved closer to your face and started leaving kisses all over, you laughed through your tears, it did tickle a little. He stopped, and you stared at each other for a few moments until he moved closer and kissed your lips.
"Let's go to sleep, is that okay?" you nodded and let Dazai guide you to the futon where he slept. Dazai always kept one of his hands on your waist, encircling you and giving you comfort.
He helped you lie down on the futon and sat next to you, not lying down yet. He stroked your hair, and you just closed your eyes, relaxing in Dazai's presence.
You finally accepted yourself, and Dazai also accepted you, that was enough to make you feel happy.
#bsd x reader#bsd x you#bsd dazai#dazai#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#dazai x reader#dazai x y/n#dazai x you#ftm reader#male reader
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~Intro Post ~
Hi everyone!
Long time cardiophile in the community but just discovering tumblr for the first time. Please bear with me while I work this out 😅
About me:
My first memory was me, maybe 3 years old, with my head on my Mums chest asking her what that was. Ever since then it’s always been a thing I’ve been fascinated in.
My cardio-interest can be many things and have evolved over the years. I have the curiosity about what certain things make it do. How it reacts to exercise or caffeine or nicotine or standing different ways. How holding your breath makes it skip and slow down. I love seeing the reactions to different things. This was the era I started in.
Then there is the emotional side. The heart can’t lie. If you had a stethoscope on my chest right now, while these words could be trying to portray confidence - you you hear her thrashing in my chest with nervousness / excitement. (Talking about hearts, even anon, gives me anxiety). It’s one of those things that in my real life I would love to be more open about but the level of trust to do that is something that needs to be earned.
And the dark / …. Adult side… if you asked me years ago I would have said hell no. It depends on the day, month, mood, etc. I’m more open to it these days. Electro, breath play and cpr is what I would lean into, but I’m either in the mood or definitely not. There’s no in between.
RP / Messages - I’ve never RP before. Maybe I want to try? I’m not sure. I need to be comfortable to talk about hearts so it would have to be a slow intro into it. I also never know how to answer a blind message saying “how’s your heart?” It kinda feels intrusive and personal so unless it’s a comment about a post PLEASE just start how you would any message to any friend ��
About my heart
My heart wasn’t all the exciting. Sleeping she gets into the high 40s - low 50’s. Just sitting around working she’s chill around 68. It’s the exercise that gets her. I’ve been a smoker for about 16 years (the last 3 of those vaping instead). When I exercise she shoots up and stays in the 170-188 range on a run. Her recovery is ok considering nic. Slows down initially pretty quickly but says just about 100 for a while. She doesn’t throw many skips and I can induce a couple from a breath hold / push but usually will just beat really slowly after that.
… well all that was until 6 month ago. Yo girl was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and started on stimulants. Now she feels completely different. I needed to go through the full heart check prior to this, I wanted so bad to see the ECG and see her beating but I was mentally not in a good place and didn’t get to.
They say that Dexadrine is meant to only increase your resting by 5-7 beats. I would end up sitting at my desk and her beating away happily in the 90s. I haven’t exercised yet but when they wear off at night I can definitely feel her pounding a bit harder and faster than she used to. I’ve now noticed late at night she will occasionally get skippy and throw 5 or 6 beats in a row. But only occasionally and then goes back the normal pounding rhythm.
Last night I wore my chest strap to bed to see how she was behaving. When she would usually be around 50, last night she didn’t get lower than 65. Today I decided to test her and record her without getting up and taking my meds. A true resting test. She was steady around 68 for 45 mins. Then she increased to about 72 as they kicked in. So maybe they weren’t lying. Maybe just being up is enough to jack her up into the 90s 🤔 she is pounding really forcefully though. I think I’m going to continue monitoring and see if this the norm.
Anyway, you’ve made it this far you probably deserve some of her sounds. After she didn’t take off into the 90s like I thought she would I decided it was time to have my morning nicotine. This is where the changes took place. A short sound for you to hear hear speeding up. This is before I’ve stood up still.
What do you hear? How fast is she beating? What do you think she’s feeling?
Soon I’ll try some exercise and we will see how that goes. 😅
#cardiophile#pounding heart#cardiophilia#fast heartbeat#beating heart#female heartbeat#self stething
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I'm So Hot For You | Rooster x Reader
Summary: Bradley makes you some homemade hot sauce to show his love and appreciation for you being his sexy nurse.
Warnings: Fluff
Length: 1600 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader
This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots! (But it can be read on its own) Check my masterlist in my profile for the reading order!
After spending weeks and countless hours helping Bradley heal after he had been injured, you really deserved something special.
And now that you were going to be his wife, Bradley thought you deserved everything. But the one thing he knew you would love that he thought he could give you, was your very own homemade hot sauce.
"Why are we here?" Jake asked him for the tenth time as he and Bradley donned matching aprons that said San Diego Community College across the front.
"To make hot sauce, dumbass."
"Yes, I understand that much, but why are we here? I don't see why you didn't just bring Angel with you."
"It's supposed to be a surprise. You do know what a surprise is, correct?" Bradley asked him, like he was talking to a very small child. "Now put your gloves on so you don't burn your eyes later."
Jake scoffed at him as the instructor introduced herself to the class, and both Bradley and Jake settled onto the stools behind their workstation.
"Hi everyone! My name is Miss Mabel, and I will be your teacher for today," said a very kind looking older woman. Bradley sat up straight on his stool, ready to make a treat that you would love. "It's so nice to see so many couples here. This is a great relationship building exercise."
Jake turned and glared at Bradley. "Couples? Relationship? What did you bring me to, Bradshaw?!"
"I..... oh, shit," Bradley muttered, but Miss Mabel was already talking about different kinds of hot peppers, and Bradley really wanted to take good notes. He started scribbling down everything she was telling them.
After Miss Mabel got everyone started on instructions, she started to walk around the room and help each pair individually.
"You should have brought your future wife to couples cooking class, Bradshaw," Jake said, sorting the peppers by scoville heat units.
"Can you just cooperate and help me, please?" Bradley begged, getting out a set of knives and cutting boards. "You know I can't do this right by myself."
Jake sighed deeply. "It amazes me that you manage to get through the day. Fine, I'll help," he agreed, handing Bradley the peppers in order of hotness to cut up.
"Gentlemen, how are we making out over here?" Miss Mabel asked when she stopped at their table.
Jake just shook his head. "Not sure, Miss Mabel. He's kind of a lost cause in the kitchen, but he's demanding that he takes the lead on this one." Jake held his hands up in surrender.
"I just wanted it to be special," Bradley grunted, dicing up a habanero pepper. "Can't I try to make something special for the person I love?"
Miss Mabel just smiled at them. "Cooking for your significant other is always a gift from the heart."
"Yeah, well... he's being so grouchy about this. He keeps saying he just needs it to be perfect," Jake told her. Then in a hushed voice, he added, "But between you and me, Miss Mabel, his creativity outweighs his ability. And then he gets very snarky when things don't go as planned."
"If I get grouchy, it's usually always your fault," Bradley told Jake as he added an array of peppers to the blender.
"You two seem like polar opposites! How long have you known each other?"
"Too long," Bradley grunted at the same time as Jake said, "Twelve years, Ma'am."
Bradley watched Jake measure out some vinegar and add it to the blender as he chattered along with Miss Mabel.
"That's a long time," Miss Mabel noted. "You two seem to need to work on your communication with each other. I would definitely recommend more of my classes as a fun way to help you with that."
"Thanks. We'll definitely consider it," Jake told her with a wink before she moved to the next table.
Bradley glared at him. "Will you stop fucking around?"
Jake just started cracking up. "She thinks we're in a relationship. With each other."
"Yeah. I caught that," Bradley said, shaking his head. "Now how much vinegar did you add? A teaspoon or a tablespoon?"
"Could you imagine a world in which I would slum it with you, Bradshaw? Hilarious," Jake drawled, settling back onto his stool.
Bradley rolled his eyes. "I would never date you. You are insufferable and irritating. That's probably why my fiancée turned you down. Now, did you add a teaspoon or a tablespoon?"
"Um, the little one," Jake replied, looking unsure of himself.
Bradley tipped his head back and counted to five before looking at Jake again. "Bringing you here was a terrible idea."
"Yeah, mainly because it's for couples, but also because I am no better in the kitchen than you are."
When it was time to sample the sauces, Miss Mabel deemed Bradley and Jake's batch 'nearly inedible' and told them they should 'work on communicating and listening to one another'.
When they left the classroom, Jake checked his phone, completely unfazed by the epic failure. "Wanna stop at the Hard Deck?"
Bradley scowled. "No, I don't want to stop at the Hard Deck! I'm taking my jar of nasty hot sauce home and telling her you ruined it."
Jake just shrugged. "She's going to think it's funny."
--------------------------------------
When Bradley got home, you were just walking up the sidewalk with Tramp on his leash.
"Look! It's Daddy!" you told Tramp as he pulled you along to get to Bradley faster. "Did you have fun with Jake?" you asked Bradley as he scooped Tramp into his arms.
"No," he told you, placing a soft kiss on your lips.
"Where did you guys go, anyway?"
Bradley followed you and Tramp into the house, smiling as the sunlight hit your engagement ring.
"Baby Girl, I just wanted to do something nice for you, but I made this for you instead," he said, holding out the jar of hot sauce to you.
"What is it?" you asked, eyeing it skeptically. Even Bradley found the shade of orangish-green to be off putting, and he would eat pretty much anything.
"Hot sauce."
"Hot sauce?! You made me hot sauce?" you asked, your eyes filled with love as you flung your arms around him. "I love it!"
"Well...." Bradley said while cringing. "Maybe you should taste it before you say that...."
He watched you dip a spoon into the jar, and the look of pure delight on your face turned to one of panic as the sauce touched your tongue. "What the fuck is in this?" you asked, coughing and gagging. Bradley watched you head for the sink, and he tried to suppress a laugh, but he couldn't. "It tastes like sour, evil vinegar."
"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart. I know it's disgusting. I tried my best. But the teacher thought Jake and I were a couple, and it was a disaster." He poured you a glass of milk and wiped the tears from your eyes with his thumbs.
"Wait, what?" you asked, and Bradley told you the entire story. By the end of it, you were cracking up. "Oh, that's hilarious, Roo. I've got to text Jake."
"He said you would think the whole thing was funny. And I guess that's just one reason why I'm marrying you. Because you don't think I'm a complete disaster even when I am."
You looked up from your phone. "Bradley. You're never a disaster."
He shrugged and you wrapped your arms around him again. "I just wanted to surprise you with something you would like, Sweetheart. You were so good to me when I was healing, always making me food and taking care of everything around here."
You looked up at him and smiled. "I think going with Jake was probably your first mistake. We can try to make a hot sauce here. Together. If you want to."
"I took notes. Miss Mabel was actually very thorough."
Bradley watched you skim through his notebook before you grabbed your car keys. "Let's go to the farmer's market before it closes and buy peppers."
You seemed to know what you were doing, so Bradley held your hand and carried everything for you.
"These are the little green peppers in my favorite hot sauce. Should we add them to ours?" you asked, pointing out some kind of pepper Bradley never heard of.
"Definitely, Sweetheart." He watched as you picked out a few more. When you got back home to your kitchen, he felt perfectly at ease as you read Miss Mabel's instructions out loud and put him to work.
Being around you was easy for Bradley in a way he had never experienced before. You laughed as he cut up the peppers and told you more about Miss Mabel's class.
"We should go to a Miss Mabel class together," you told him. "Jake can just fuck off, he's not allowed to be in a relationship with you."
Bradley laughed and agreed, and while you blended everything together, he signed the two of you up for a salsa making class at the college.
"Want to try the first bite?" you asked, offering the spoon to Bradley. He took a small taste, and it was good. Great, even.
"Incredible," he said, and you grinned when you tried it.
"It's perfect," you agreed, and Bradley played with your hair and kissed your neck as you made them eggs covered in homemade hot sauce for dinner.
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Just a fluffy little moment between these two (and Jake)! One more one-shot and then we dig into another series with these two if you can believe it....
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#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader#top gun fanfiction#rooster x female reader#rooster x you#rooster fanfic#rooster x reader#bradley bradshaw imagine#bradley bradshaw x female reader#bradley bradshaw fanfiction#bradley bradshaw x reader#bradley bradshaw fic#rooster bradshaw x female reader
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Mindset and Appearance
Ok so its my first post in my life about all this midset and appearance kinda stuf so if I sound cringe and awkward please forgive me!
NOW to the point ladies and gentleman!
I have been in subliminal community even before rose drama if any of you remember and some sweet submakers who left the community now like Nunchi affirmations and Isa subliminals. Yes i have been in this community even before all of them so you can say its almosr 6 to 7 years even before since i first found about subliminals but never have ever posted about it in my life.
First reason being anonymity. Many of us do want to keep this shit to ourselves so we do not seem weird in society and I am one of them. And second being i was to lazy to do so.
But now i am posting because i want to share something will all of you there.
So. the thing is I am a pakistani girl and a muslim, and in our religion LOA is haram, also surgery too. But keeping ourselves well maintained and fit is also preferred in our religions. Allah loves it in fact.
So here is the shit, intead of doing LOA and all these laws, i believed in power of my brain. We all know that neurons and mainly our nervous system controls each and everything in our body and it is mainly controlled by our brain.
So why not manipulate our brain and neural system to morph my body in my desired appearnce?
Its not haram because i am not asking from universe and all that.and For some people like me who like to find logic in everything, it also is most logical thing, right?
so i started writing affirmations to manipulate my brain to change into my desired appearance.
Mind you all, i prompted chat gpt to do that work for me, and it turned out great.
AND HERE IS THE MAIN DEAL GIRLIE!!!!!
I experimented with subliminals. Here's what i did-
1. I downloaded all my fav subliminals in wav format. 2. Stacked them in capcut. (Just stacked them, you can call it layering too, no speeding up subliminals. Just pure layering and repetition. 3. Recorded my own neural, genetic, cells, tissues and dna based affirmation and layered them on top of all these subliminals 4. And on top of al that, i recorded one simple affirmation, I have have mmy desired appearance and layered it on the top of all that content.
No, i do not have nay desired face but i have desired features. I listen to only that buble/subliminal right after MOAB booster and right after all that i actually do face exercise for thise desired features (like nose exercises, eye lift exercises and so on.) Now imagine power of all these things working together. subliminals + mindset + exercises
IT WORKED GREAT FOR ME.
For the first time I saw results, and they are great. I was always considered pretty one in my family but now, i am starting to find my self pretty. For all those who try to find logic in subliminals, here's is it. I gave it to you.
MANIPULATE YOUR BRAIN AND NERVOUS SYSTEM.
It worked awesome for me and it can be for you to.
Here is an example of affirmations I wrote for myself!
In addition to thse i wrote for waist, matabolsim, dimples, nose too. All those were neural manipulating affirmations. The subliminals i used were from many different creators. I can link there channels, as they worked great!
Mermaid Vetala AliraAleyaPink smoothieQs stimuliVulgardoll Skyler Chrysis lilith/ valerie Valeriemakesart
#how to manifest#law of manifestation#affirmdaily#loa success#shiftblr#void state#reality shifting#law of the universe#master manifestor#affirmyourlife#appearances#desired appearance#desired life#desired reality#desired self#desired body
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ROBIN/ELODIE ??????
if this about to be like my eva josten/adèle moreau scenario i will cry then ask u to please marry me.
i need this more than i need air. u don’t understand. i love u. ur the freaking best. tell me more.
Yeah that one came to me in a vision.
The thing is that like most of my other niche rarepairings I just cannot resist the allure of Narrative Parallels™. Mostly I just realized how similar Elodie and Robin's stories are (in concept) and that they could actually be around the same age (considering Elodie would be around 15-16yo in 2007 and Robin joins the Foxes in 2009 after Kevin graduates, and assuming Robin didn't get held back due to the Horrors, that would put them at around a 1-2 year age difference).
So the basic concept for the AU is that Elodie survives and is rescued by Stuart during TSC and then brought over to the USA to live with Jean and the Trojans. This goes about as well as you would expect, which is to say not at all – she's heavily traumatized, barely speaks English for the first couple years, and is resistant to any kind of help that would result in her having to leave Jean's side. She also at first does not want anything to do with the other Trojans at all because she sees most of them as adults she can't trust and also resents them for monopolizing Jean's time, and none of these college sports players is anywhere near qualified for unpacking All of That.
Elodie and Jean effectively make each other's recovery worse for a long while because they immediately try and fall back to their childhood dynamic, which can no longer work for multiple reasons. But through Betsy Dobson all things are possible and eventually they get to a point where they aren't actively standing in each other's way anymore, though things are still Not Good.
It gets tough again when Jean graduates and they move out of LA, which just uproots what little stability Elodie had again, and he has developed a need to constantly check on her that cannot be good for his now even busier pro player schedule. Also, Elodie is almost 18, and at a point where she should be graduating high school and thinking about her future, which she very much is not doing because until a couple years ago she didn't even HAVE a future so she doesn't really know what to do with it.
They start floating the possibility of getting her into a community college or something in the state Jean's in, but eventually the possibility of having some strings pulled to get her into PSU is brought up, and Elodie latches onto it immediately, mostly because she both feels stifled by Jean's helicopter parenting AND kind of wants to punish him for not actually spending time with her by moving away. Jean doesn't want to let her, but he also doesn't really have a choice, and PSU might be far but at least he knows Elodie will have people there to reach out to if she needs it.
Joke's on Elodie though because going to college to annoy your brother does mean she just conned herself into taking classes and figuring out what to do with her life now and she has to do it while dodging 20 phone calls per hour. Anyway now that she's on PSU she has to learn how to do human person things like making friends. She ends up joining a roller derby team as a combo meeting people-getting exercise-venting anger deal.
Robin, on the other hand, is going through a similar situation where Andrew just graduated, and Neil is in his last year, so she's about to lose her anchors at PSU. Once Neil graduates, she won't have anyone to night practice with anymore, so she also joins the roller derby team to fill in her nights, in a way of trial-running how to maintain some sense of routine and normalcy and maybe make some friends as well.
And that is how the world's saddest most traumatized girls meet. They have no idea who the other really is at first because Elodie doesn't follow exy out of spite and they also don't tell each other their full names because they are very googlable and the team is for both of them a way to finding who they are outside of what happened to them, so they don't want to invite the past in there.
Neil figures it out pretty fast though, since he's been keeping an eye on Elodie, but he tells no one because he thinks it's going to be funny when Andrew and Jean (who absolutely hate each other) discover they're dating (He's right). The basic idea I have is that everyone kind of finds out at the same time when Andrew and Jean play against each other in a nearby city and both Elodie and Robin come to watch and it's a very spiderman pointing meme moment all around.
Getting to truly know each other then is a blessing and a curse because the similarities between their stories are as important as the differences. Elodie would have given everything to have parents that would want her back home and want to protect her and Robin would kill to have her family understand and relate to her trauma the way Jean does. Elodie genuinely cannot understand Robin's guilt over escaping by dooming another girl because she would have actively killed without remorse to break out. Robin doesn't get why Elodie is bitter over having to be rescued when she used to dream about someone finding and saving her. It's a very "grass is always greener on the other side" situation, and they clash a lot, but eventually they work it out.
I'm also thinking of having Robin being conflicted over whether she wants or even is capable of going pro (since as per the EC she technically wasn't good enough to be recruited if not for Andrew's constant endorsement). I'm not sure what Elodie would be majoring in, but that's fine because neither is Elodie. So that's something else they're both dealing with.
That's mostly what I have so far, I'm hoping some day this fic will grow a plot that can hold my attention so I can actually write it.
#elodie moreau psu's first nepotism student who doesn't even wanna be there#also realized I didn't include this but the reason why PSU is brought up is that kerejean is going on in the background so Kevin suggests it#Kevin is Elodie's favorite bil bc he's easily emotionally blackmailed and he's still embarrassed about that time she was going to get water#at 2am and caught him sneaking out of her brother's room back to the sofa where he clearly wasn't sleeping on before they were official#Jeremy is also easily emotionally blackmailed but she uses that for evil bc she hated him at first and still pretends to for the bit#Elodie hates exy but if asked she would say her favorite backliner is Cat. her second favorite is Thea. Jean can have third place I guess#asks#my wips#fic: ship of theseus
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A Shade Darker than Red: Part 9
Danny and Jason hovered over Jazz’s bed in her apartment while she worked on her computer. She had been looking at opening a practice as a psychologist, and with all the conversation going around about the happenings in Gotham she was investigating how expensive an office in the city would be. Not too high, all things considered and she had saved quite a bit by being a partner for a practice in her current town, and having two other roommates helped her save on rent. Maybe after she had her own practice for a while she would be able to apply to Arkham and start to actually help the people there.
The two ghosts were busy discussing how they wanted to make Jason’s presence known to his family. Jason had said that now that his first killer was dead and he wouldn’t have to worry about his family getting hurt by him, that he wanted to meet them again, let them know that even though he was dead didn’t mean he wouldn’t still be in their lives.
“When I came back as Red Hood, I sent a first edition book to Alfred to let him know it was me.” Jason said.
“Hmm. Usually when I get summoned by some cult or another, I really pull out all the stops, tentacles, supernovas exploding into forming stars, multiple eyes and mouths, the whole lot.”
“Maybe you could carve my initials into a wall with ectoplasm! Or I could haunt a few of the rival crime lords who messed with Crime Alley!”
Jazz slammed her hands down her desk causing both of the boys to freeze and stare at her. She growled and snatched a magazine from her desk drawer and rolled it up into a tight tube. With a flick of her wrist as she turned, she infused the magazine with ectoplasm. Danny and Jason watched her in confusion for a few seconds as she stood there with the magazine, clearly going through a breathing exercise.
“Are you ok, Jazz?” Danny asked.
He got a rolled up magazine to the face for his trouble as Jazz began smacking both boys with her magazine. She smacked them both again and again as she berated them, all the while wrestling them to keep them within easy smacking distance.
“Just fucking talk to them! I swear to the Ancients if you don’t cut all the unnecessary dramatics and just talk to them I will put both of you in a thermos for a month! The same thermos! By all that is holy and all the undead in the Realms, just fucking talk to people!”
She continued her tirade and assault for a few minutes more before she settled back breathing heavily.
“Danny, you will open a portal when they are all gathered together, introduce yourself, and swear an oath not to harm them. It won’t be perfect but it should hopefully keep the paranoia of the family down for a few minutes. Jason, you will come out of the portal next and you will sit down and explain, clearly and succinctly, that you are a ghost.”
Both boys stared at her, more than a little fear on their faces in the face of her fury.
“I understand vigilante types are allergic to healthy communication, but I swear, if you idiots just talked to each other, half of your problems would disappear.” She stepped back and sighed, running her free hand through her hair, though she still held the magazine and gestured to the boys with it. “Do you need me as a living person to be there to help calm down any misunderstandings?”
“Yes Jazz, that would be great.” Dannny said with a small voice. “Also thank you.”
“I know theatrics are part of being a hero and part of being a ghost, but please, please just communicate.” She finally set her magazine down causing the ghosts to breathe out sighs of relief. “We can go over talking points and common questions about the Realms so we can explain things in the least traumatizing way. And I’ll pick up a pizza or something and bring it to help destress.”
“Yeah that would be best. I’m not sure when they will be all together, and if we’re just going with the ‘talk like a mentally healthy person’ plan, then it will probably be best to get them all done at once.”
“I think I know someone who will be able to help us get them all together.” Danny said thoughtfully, then when Jazz’s hand strayed toward the magazine again he quickly clarified, “In a healthy communication and living person approved way.”
“Good. You better.”
.
Some time later, Jason and Danny emerged from a portal in the air over Gotham City. Jason followed as Danny began flying around searching the alleys for whoever it was that Danny was sure could get the remainder of the Batfamily back together.
“Uh, do you know what you’re looking for? Cause I respect you as like the King of All Ghosts or whatever, but I fear your sister way more. And I do not want to spend a month stuck in a thermos with you if this doesn’t go off perfectly.”
“It’ll be fine. Just give me a minute to- Ah! There we go!”
Danny was off like a shot, Jason right behind him. The two of them shot into an alley that Jason distinctly remembered Bruce coming and laying flowers in multiple times during his time as Robin. This was the alley where Bruce’s parents had been killed. He paused, unsure if he should intrude. He had always tried to give Bruce his space when he had first been alive.
“Come on in, Jason.” The voice that called to him wasn’t Danny’s. It was older.
He hesitantly floated into the alley to see Danny standing next to two older looking ghosts, ones he recognized from their portrait in the manor. Thomas and Martha Wayne. Thomas had been the one to wave him in, while Martha was currently hugging Danny. As soon as she saw him, Martha broke away from Danny to pull Jason into a hug as well.
Jason didn’t know how to react at first, hugs had been few and far between for most of his life, especially after the first time he came back. Danny and Jazz were always quick with physical affection, which was nice, but this was the first hug he had received outside of those two. After freezing for a moment, he wrapped his arms around Martha and hugged her back just as tightly.
“It’s good to finally be able to meet my grandson again.” Martha said warmly, and Thomas also gave him a wide smile.
Jason couldn’t help but look awkward at that, he wasn’t certain that he still counted as their grandson after what had happened, so he started to pull back from them. Martha’s face fell, but she still gave him a sad looking smile.
“I know our boy hurt you, and we are so sorry that his mission got in the way of his relationships with the kids he’d taken in. We still love you and care for you, and if you’ll have us, we’ll still be your grandparents.”
Jason whipped his tail in agitation for a second before he relaxed and allowed Thomas and Martha to pull him back into an even tighter hug. The hug with his grandparents was warm and safe in a way he hadn’t felt in such a long time. They both pulled back at the same time as a wave of power swamped the alley.
The power was unlike anything he had felt before, yet it still felt familiar. It wasn’t the same as when Danny used his full power as King of All Ghosts to destroy the clown’s soul, but it still felt like it could match even some of the Ancients Danny had introduced him to. Maybe not Clockwork level but still.
At the end of the alley the ghost of a woman appeared. She was beautiful in a way Jason struggled to describe. She wore an ivory flapper dress, under a long evening coat. She had brown skin and riotous curls forming a halo around her head. She was beauty and danger and safety and… home. She felt like home. She also felt horribly sick. Her aura almost drowned him in pain and the scent of rot.
“Lady Gotham.” The Waynes bowed deeply to her and even Danny inclined his head to her though he did not bow.
Jason did the only thing he could think to do at this moment. He knelt, falling to one knee in the rank alley they were in, his head bowed low. This was Lady Gotham, the city of spirit of his home. He didn’t feel worthy to be in her presence. He was just the failure Robin who had died too young and came back wrong only to die again. A gentle hand on his chin broke him from his spiraling thoughts.
“My dear Knight.” Gotham said softly. “You don’t have to kneel before me.”
He felt his breath catch in his throat even though he didn’t have to breathe as Gotham helped him to rise to his feet, her face filled with kindness and love. He swallowed with difficulty to try and clear his throat.
“Am I really your knight anymore?” He asked, his voice breaking a little in the middle.
“Oh, my dearest heart. You have been my Knight since you first put on that cape. And you will remain my Knight in my heart until this entire city has long crumbled to dust. I have watched over you since you were a babe in arms and I mourned you both times you died.”
Jason took a shaky breath. Lady Gotham opened her arms and he went willingly into her hug. He held her tight and breathed in the smell of the city he loved. The city he was born into and had fought to keep safe. He took one last shuddering breath and stepped back, a weight removed from his shoulders to see how much the city he loved, loved him in return.
“Will you really be able to get the rest of my family together?” Jason asked her.
“Oh certainly. It is easy to guide my Knights to one location. However, there is something you must do for me.”
“Anythi-” Jason stopped mid word as Danny put his hand on his shoulder.
“You need to know what’s involved before you agree.” Danny no longer was his playful and sarcastic brother. Just like when he had faced the clown and dealt Jason’s revenge, there was a weight of responsibility and duty to the way he carried himself. This was Danny as the High King of Ghosts. “Gotham, the city and the spirit, are deeply cursed.”
Jason wasn’t certain he could be less surprised to learn that. The air was filled with smog, the streets ran red with blood, and Gotham city was cursed. No one who had fought the crusade in the alleyways and warehouses for as long as Jason had could be surprised by that news. He kept himself from cracking a joke about the obviousness of the curse solely due to the gravitas that Danny was speaking.
“I have fought the curses that have held sway over me for as long as I could.” Gotham said. “It is this curse that leaves the city shrouded in shadow no matter the hour or season. This curse that feeds the corruption of the power hungry, bends the mind of the cruel towards even greater cruelties, and leaves the victim broken and bleeding in the gutter.”
“Are you saying it’s not the criminals’ fault? That this curse makes them commit crimes and hurt people?” Jason said, fury bubbling up inside him.
“No. It merely twists and grows what is already in their hearts.” Gotham said and stepped back from him. “If I were not fighting this curse every single day, with every ounce of my strength it would corrupt even the kind and the good.”
She opened her evening coat to reveal a gaping wound in her side. Blood and ectoplasm oozed from the wound, staining her dress. He could see the white of her ribs through the gore and the wound stank of rot and decay.
“I cannot heal from this injury without the ectoplasm of the Infinite Realms, yet the curse binds me to this city, to the very bricks and stone. I cannot leave. I need you and your siblings to break and shatter the anchors that hold this curse in place so I can return to the Realms.”
“And that will end the curse?”
“If only it were so easy.” Gotham looked truly tired at this point, and he could imagine how much she had been fighting, every moment of every day to keep the curse at bay.
Danny took over the explanation as Gotham recovered her injury.
“Even without the anchors, the curse will linger, and with no one to fight it would continue to worsen and spread. In a way it is like radioactive decay. It could take eons for it to fully disappear and the entire time Gotham won’t be able to heal because she’s still fighting it.”
Jason stopped to think about what they were saying. He hadn’t been Robin for years for nothing. He could be as good a detective as any of his brothers.
“You need a powerful ghost to take on the role of Gotham’s spirit to keep fighting the curse and helping the people while you heal.” Gotham smiled and nodded at him. Jason turned to Danny. “Can you-”
“I can’t take the position.” Danny shook his head with a frown. “I am the King of the Infinite Realms. My responsibilities to the rest of the cosmos are too great for me to focus my time and energy on one single city.”
Jason pondered the problem for a moment longer.
“Who else is available?” Danny gave him a knowing look, while Gotham gave him one filled with pride. “Wait, me?”
He had a hundred reasons why he couldn’t be the one to help protect his city, but it seemed that Gotham and Danny had discussed this already and were ready for him.
“Jason, you were born of this city, love this city, and fought every day for years for this city.”
“You already have such strength from fighting what you called your Pit Rage. Even with the worst of corrupted ectoplasm running through your veins you still tried to protect the people within your haunt.”
“Even as a new ghost you have power and control that is almost unheard of. You bent the entirety of the Infinite Realms to call me to your side. You learned in months what took me years to master, what most ghosts take decades to understand.”
“You have such a close connection with the defenders of this city, you could guide them and protect them as they continued the crusade to protect the people of my city.”
Danny stepped forward and put a hand on Jason’s shoulder, looking closely into his eyes.
“If you take on the role of city spirit, you could stay in Gotham, rather than having to live in the Infinite Realms. You could see your family whenever you wanted to. You could protect them from stray bullets and bend the shadows around them to keep them safe. You could guide them to those who are hurting, even those who would have been missed by the keen eyes of Gotham’s Knights.”
Jason felt overwhelmed, but he knew Danny’s words were ringing with truth. He desperately wanted to make up for his family’s blood that he had on his hands, and if he could protect them, keep them safe, it would be worth any cost, any struggle. Though there was one concern.
“What about you and Jazz?” He didn’t want to lose his new family any more than he wanted to lose his siblings. Danny gave him a smile.
“Jazz is moving her practice here. I can open portals to her or you whenever I want. You’re not going to get rid of us that easily.”
Jason nodded. Then nodded again more firmly.
“I’ll do it. Though we’re going to need help from the others if we’re going to break those anchors.”
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Friday, March 15th 2024 Sun in Pisces ♓️🌊 Moon in Gemini ♊️💨
Today, the Moon is hanging out in the sign of Gemini bringing in curious, adaptable and communicative energy. But the thing is, she’s a bit jumpy and all over the place.
Luna is getting along and having nice conversations with Pluto in Aquarius (trine) and Mercury in Aries (sextile). While this may bring up some un-ignorable truths to the surface, there’s a lot of support from Mercury to get right to the heart of the matter. You may not be able to get away without having the prolonged or postponed conversations that have been lingering since around the first of the year. It’s just time to get it off your chest and talk about it.
The Gemini Moon is however, not getting along or in a square with both Venus and Saturn in Pisces. These energies are asking us to not obsess and to be patient. Sadness could set in or even some frustration so the key for today is to try to slow down because as I mentioned, this energy is jumpy and all over the place while at the same time, it may feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Have the conversations you need to have and do your best to exercise patience through them. They may not bring a resolution but it’s a step in the right direction.
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Wildfell Weekly - Chapter 6 (Progression)
This is where we start seeing some character development from Gilbert, and the author starts developing her themes further.
Gilbert at the start of the chapter is displaying some conventional and dismissive opinions as he assumes there’s no real reason that Mrs. Graham could like the company of Mary Millward (described in thr furst chapter as a plain woman, her family’s ‘housekeeper and drudge’ who is ‘loved and courted by all dogs, cats, children, and poor people, and slighted and neglected by everyone else’).
Over several months Gilbert gradually becomes friends with Mrs. Graham and her son, and gets to like her conversation; and upon returning hometo find Eliza Millward there, he finds her more superficial than before and enjoys her time with her less. His tastes are improving; he’s finding that he likes intellectual engagement (which he had few opportunities for before, in his small circle) better than flirtation and flattery.
He spends increasing amounts of time with her, and they have something resembling an actual personal conversation when he asks if she finds Wildfell Hall lonely.
Upon returning home, we see Gilbert voicing principles that seem at least in part related to spending his time in thoughtful conversations with Mrs. Graham, and also showing good principles and attitude on his own part. This raises some of the author’s main themes in the book, as Gilbert’s sister Rose objects to men always being favoured within the household, and Gilbert agrees with her.
The basis for Gilbert’s arguments against men being indulged by theur female relatives is severalfold:
If men care about their mothers and wives, they will want them to be comfortable and not always waiting on the men (“if you would really study my pleasure, Mother, you must consider your own comfort and convenience a little more than you do”)
It makes them take it for granted and not even realize that they are being given their own way in everything without even asking, because they never hear contrary views or desires (“I might sink into the grossest condition of self-indulgence and carelessness about the wants of others, from the mere habit of being constantly cared for, and having all my want anticipated or immediately supplied, while left in total ignorance of what is done for me.”)
Men and women are meant to be true partners and care for one another, and it’s morally healthy to do that rather than men being indulged and spoilt (“I was not sent into the world merely to exercise the good capacities and good feelings of others - was I? - but to exercise my own towards them”). This contains several (uncited, but clear) references to the Bible (“I would rather give than receive”; “we must bear one another’s burdens”), emphasizing that this, not male domination, is in line with scriptural ideas of a good marriage.
It’s rhetorically effective by the author to have the patriarchal argument stated by a woman, Gilbert’s mother (“it’s your business to please yourself, and [your wife’s] business to please you”), because most men even of that time would not have said such a thing out loud - they would simply have tended to act in ways that took for granted that it was true, and never interrogated it.
Gilbert’s got a good head on his shoulders - his first debate with Mrs. Graham, about teetotalling and child-raising principles, was a vigorous and sharply-argued one - and here we we see him start to break away from more conventional opinions and argue his point strongly in favour of views different from the ones that predominate in his little community.
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Okay, so I wrote this on reddit to a depression doomer, but I want someone who might have an iota of openness to considering it to read it, so I'm posting it here. I assume there will be doomers here too, because depression is depressing. All of these things are things that I've tried, and all of them are things that have made my life better than it was before. All of them I have started in an incredibly janky way and they've still helped. If anyone is interested (or I receive the same combination of depression-based hostility and intense focus), I'll make separate posts on how to actually do the thing.
Things that might make a person's depression improve that don't involved going to a therapist:
Aerobic exercise 4x/week
Membership in a community/close relationships/human touch/human interaction. I'm bundling these together, because in a practical sense, you're making about the same decisions yourself, and the interactions with other people will follow. I recommend finding a "Third Place," such as a sports league or dance community (see exercise), game/knitting/metaphysical store, bar, cafe, meetup group, adult learning class, regular volunteering gig, music venue, RPG group, book club, brunch group...you get the idea. The best ones are open to the public if you're socially isolated or looking to date, because you'll meet a greater variety of people, but anywhere where the same amorphous or literal group of people shows up at a place and time will help you build relationships.
Omega 3 Fatty acids, Vitamin D, Vitamin B-complex, Magnesium: I'm not a doctor and this is not medical advice. They might give you energy and run your body more smoothly.
St. John's Wort: I'm giving this its own thing because the above are supplements that the body gets in its diet, this is a drug™, but you can purchase it over the counter. It inhibits the reuptake of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, for which there is some evidence that it helps depression on a chemical level. It has mad drug interactions and PLEASE do your research before taking it.
A lot of things in the cognitive behavioral therapy realm. Gratitude practices, affirmations, I'm sure there are CBT workbooks for depression that one could find. The idea is to reframe your thoughts to make sure they are a) true and b) priming you to feel emotions and take actions that will make your life suck less.
Going outside. Living in a suboptimal space is depressing, and so many of us do it. We do better when we see and hear trees. We do better when we see and feel the sun. We process things when our brains run electricity back and forth between the two sides, as happens when walking (drumming is also good for this, or bilateral stimulation from something else).
Accomplish things. I know. This, even more than the many difficult things I've listed, probably feels impossible, but I'm writing it anyway, because it really does help. If you have small tasks you've been putting off, try and get one done. Break up big tasks into accomplishable steps. Not like "Clean the house" to "Clean the bathroom," like "Clean the house" to "throw all the trash on the couch in the trash can" or "get out all the products to clean the bathroom" (the second kind doesn't vibe with me but some people like it)
You'll notice none of this is going to fix the world, except for the shitty little corner the person doing it is sitting in. That's the point. There is so much wrong with the world, and it asks a lot of us to fix it: our labor, yes, and also our joy. And also, our ability to get out of bed in the morning, our ability to send emails, our ability to check in on each other, our ability to keep ourselves out of entanglements with the state and other institutions. I'm not saying this because it's fair, I'm saying it because it's the way out I see in front of us.
#mental health#surviving capitalism#self care#exercise#(that's for a trigger tag)#herbal medicine#hope#hopepunk
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"so in that kumbaya post u just openly admit ur a fat ugly single abused people pleasing jkker? not suprised. u all r. id kms if i were u."
Hmm.
Okay.
Quite a bit to unpack, there.
To answer your question: Yes, I'm a bit overweight right now--it's part the hormone blockers for the cancer and part my own emotional eating the last few months because, ya know, it's a bit stressful battling cancer. I plan to get back into working out after Yoongi's concert, though! And I'm not hideous, but I'm definitely not gorgeous. You're right, I'm single, have been for years, by choice. I do tend to people please a LOT (working on boundaries with a really sassy wonderful cognitive behavioral therapist--10/10, highly recommend CBT!). And I absolutely love and adore Jikook, for sure, as well as all of BTS.
So... guilty as charged.
But no, my "flaws" aren't a reason to DIE. I still have value, dear throw-away-account-in-my-inbox.
Despite my many shortcomings, I still have purpose. I still get pleasure. I can still do amazing things in the world and create some meaning in this life. All people are works in progress. Me, too. Who told you you had to always be exceptional to ever be worthy?
I'm not perfect. But I can try to be good.
In case you need a reminder, here's what "good" looks like:
I hope you heal from whatever wounds others gave you to make you calloused and aggressive toward total strangers.
I hope when you read this that you unclench your jaw and relax your shoulders, because you are safe and sheltered and you know there's no immediate threat.
I hope you can afford a nourishing meal and a long hot shower with amazing-smelling soap to restore some of your energy, which must be flagging, since you're spending it on Asks like this.
I hope you get a great night's sleep in a comfy bed, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to face whatever challenges are a part of your days. Because I'm certain you have challenges just like everyone else.
I hope you have someone you trust, who you can talk to, who will listen to every word intently, and try to empathize and understand you and give you good counsel.
I hope at the end of your day, when all the work and chores are done, you get to read a really engrossing story, or listen to a thought-provoking podcast, or check out some amazing music that makes you feel alive and excited to be so.
I hope you remember yourself--your true self--the kind of person who can be kind.
Because the universe returns your energy back to you. I promise you, eventually, it does.
So here's some kindness from a random overweight absolutely flawed single Jikook fan on Tumblr, who genuinely wants you to be healthy and whole as soon as possible. We all will be better off when you start to heal.
Now, to get us both back into a place of calm and gratitude, you inspired me to make a donation to NAMI. If you ever need mental health help (and who doesn't?) they have some great free resources that you can check out HERE. Please never seriously consider killing yourself, or even joking about it, for any reason. Every day, every moment, is a new chance to start from scratch and make your life into something you prefer.
And if you're not open to talking to a therapist right now, there's a free app called Insight Timer with tons of great meditations, calming exercises, insightful podcasts, and mood-resetting music.
So, this is as much of my time and energy as I can give to you. I wouldn't have even answered you, except the K-pop community just suffered a loss from suicide this week and I felt it important to address what you said. But now I've got some streaming and voting to do in between my real-life responsibilities. So this is the last we will interact under your sock puppet account. But I hope you see this post, and I hope you know I really mean it. I really mean that you deserve to heal from this toxic anger you're taking out on others. I know you can be better.
"Who says a dream must be something grand?
Just become anybody.
We deserve a life.
Whatever, big or small, you are you after all."
--Paradise, Love Yourself: Tear, BTS
For everyone else, if I keep getting Asks from sock puppets like this, I'll turn off the option to message me unless we follow each other. I already turned off anons ages ago because of these types of messages. I will limit access to me, not as a punishment, but just because it's important to protect my (and my friends') energy against negativity. I am here for BTS, not drama.
This fandom needs to work harder to reflect BTS' values, or else what are we all doing here?? You don't have to agree with anyone about anything, but you do have to at least be civil.
If you're looking for a fight, you won't get it from me. My tongue is ruled by the law of kindness.
With sincerest respect,
Roo
P.S. Jimin and Yoongi are close to record-breaking milestones. Please don't waste any time or energy on this sort of thing--keep streaming!
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