#please and thank you truly i am so sorry to ask.. ik its not a big deal and community and mutaid is support nd not smn to feel bad about!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gab-has-adhd · 2 years ago

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i was the last anon... omg u replied!! did not expect that tbh 😭😭 & yeah i don't *actually* hate illumi, in fact i think it'd be near impossible atp because. a) he's way too relatable + b) i adore his character, and his family and his everything bc of how complex he is. he's amazing. stunning. jaw-dropping. horrendous. terrible. terrifying. all at once & I Appreciate Him So Much (tm) for it :]

also speaking of illumi... i am so interested in kikyo. like ik a lot of people in the hxh fandom find her irritating (she is sometimes) but she's a mother too - specifically the zoldyck's mother - and i think as a character, she would have such an in-depth backstory that we haven't even gotten into yet (at least from where i'm currently at rn in the manga lmfao.. manifesting the future chapters give us more abt her bc i Need to know everything about her history in meteor city 🙏)

another thing abt ur reply - UR SO RIGHT ABT WANTING TO BEHAVE LIKE ILLUMI 🙁🙁 as someone who relates to his trauma & thought process, me and him cld not be more different fr. i am too Fiery. i get into too much Trouble for losing my temper at the Worst times. illumi tho?? he looks emotionless (even tho he's not) but i need that kind of detachedness to get around w my daily life 😭 god made me traumatized but not cold as ice How is this fair Please i need a life refund T___T

im so sorry omg i keep writing essays in these asks 🙁 anyways i also hope u have a great morning/day/evening!!! its almost 12am i need to get back to studying for exams LMAOO hope ur doing well tho (drink water bff)

Hi again anon! 🌸 thank you for sending me another ask ufufufu it's almost 5 am for me but it seems I'm going to hae a sleepless night aGAIN for some reasons gnsngmsmcj

Good luck for your exams! I sincerely hope you'll be successful <3 and please never worry about sending me essays hahaha I love it very much 💕

I agree so much with you on Kikyo! I am usually not very big on female characters for some reasons but kikyo is so cool! I need to know more about her! I like her fucked up personality though lmaooo she is a Zoldyck indeed 🙏 like yes she IS irritating but it's because she literally is the MOTHER in a FAMILY OF ASSASSINS I think at this point every Zoldyck is allowed to be irritating LOL

I truly hope Togashi will give us more about her. She's from Meteor City after all, who knows what crazy things happened to her back there! Also I desperately need to know how she met Silva and how they fell in love.

Where are you currently in the manga? Just wanna make sure I don't drop any spoiler material if you send me more asks ufufu!

ALSO OMG I FEEL YOU SO MUCH ABOUT NOT BEHAVING LIKE ILLUMI. Like sure he probably behaves like this because he was deeply traumatized but... look I have ADHD and BPD, nature wasn't very nice with me. The combination makes me extremely impulsive, extremely emotive and very easily angered. My behavior is basically an emotional rollercoaster LMAOOO I just wish I was able to keep a cold face like Illumi 😭 who knows maybe his emotions are wild in his brain but at least he's able to completely conceal them. This is a skill I would appreciate having.

Instead my traumatized dumb ass self decided to gift me the ability to hide my upset-ness until I eventually explode. Which is. A pretty unhealthy behavior LMAO but I'm working on it :)))

Who knows, maybe one day Illumi is going to explode too 😶 not saying I actually want him to explode but somehow I think I would get so emotional if it ever happend to him. Like. Illumi breaking down nervously and. IDK crying maybe. This sounds wildly out of character but wow...

#gab replies #anon #hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #hxh #kikyo #kikyo zoldyck #illumi #illumi zoldyck #zoldyck #zoldyck family #*sends support for exams*#BPD #ADHD #I am so emotionally unstable lmao

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melodygatesauthor · 2 years ago

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Happy early birthday to you! May I request a Kapkan x Reader with the romantic line, "You remembered my favorite food?" It's the little things that count-

Of course, I can't ask this without giving you a gift. (or rather, questions to entertain your mind with)

We appreciate you writing for the R6s fandom, it's great to have more members that are active within the community. Your longfic of Kapkan has had me in a chokehold since November lmao. I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers. (Ik that the longfic isnt exactly this)

How long have you been into Star Wars? What brought you into it? I used to be REALLY into it years ago, though I have fallen out and perhaps I may join back in.

This one I hope you can answer, and fyi i mean NO ill judgement while asking. What makes you and others so interested in the kink of non-con? I find it hard to read when I know that others irl have trauma because of it. I know that you've clarified that it's just because it's all fiction and that you don't support it irl, but I guess I can't wrap myself around this topic? I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I'd like to know and like I've said before, I am not having negative feelings to those who enjoy non-con! No one should shame you for what you like in fiction.

That being said, keep doing what you're doing and I hope that you have an amazing birthday!!!

Im aware of what I wrote is long af and im sorry-

Hi Nonnie!

Omg so much to unpack and I'm so so so excited to do that. You don't ever have to apologize to me for long asks, I like them. Answers below the cut.

I'm going to fulfill your request in a different post. I have several ahead of yours but it's on my list and I'll get to it as I go down the line. I cannot wait!

Thank you for your kind words about my longfic (The Recruit and the Hunter for others to have context)! I don't get a lot of attention here for it, probably mostly because it's AO3 exclusive, but I'll be adding it to Tumblr at some point! It's definitely a favorite of mine and I've put a lot of work into it. I would say it's enemies to lovers adjacent? lol it's got a similar feel to it! On your note about having others involved in the community, I have noticed that the writings for X Reader are scarce! There are a few of us in the community that I think are keeping it going. I hope more people will get involved!

So as far as Star Wars goes, I watched it all the way through for the first time in 2015 just before The Force Awakens came out and when I watched back then I thought nothing of it. It was good but like, it was just a series to me, nothing more. Fast forward to September 2022, I had a dream about Kylo Ren. Yes, literally had a dream about him randomly and then I couldn't stop thinking about him. (True story) I googled if people even read fanfiction anymore, and turns out THEY DO and hey, 30 years old isn't too old to read/write fanfiction (no age is, you can be 90 writing ff, just have fun). When I found out they did, I rewatched the entire Star Wars movie series again through a new lens...information gathering for fic writing. The second I saw Kylo fucking Ren coming down the gangway in TFA for the first time through this new lens....I knew I was ill. Thus sparked my Star Wars obsession and the spiraling that lead me to write for all these other fandoms, Siege included (although I've been a Siege player on and off since it came out back in...was it 2015?).

This is a great question and gets a section all on its own...

On the subject of non-con in fanfiction (please don't read if this topic is sensitive to you):

To start, I can assume that other people think like me, but as I answer this, I ask that you keep in mind that I can't exactly speak for anyone OTHER than myself. I know what I like and what I'm comfortable with and that's all I can TRULY speak on so bear that in mind as you read through my response.

There are a couple reasons I think that I enjoy non-con. I'M SPEAKING PURELY FROM A FANTASY STANDPOINT GOING FORWARD, NOT A REALITY STANDPOINT. One reason is societal. I read somewhere that it's possible people gravitate to the subject of non-con in fanfiction (primarily women in ff spaces), due to societal factors. Meaning, that women who are from more sexually oppressive countries, America being one in some ways (being primarily a Christian/Catholic country and always teaching people, again with an emphasis on women since it's more "obvious", to save it for marriage), might be more inclined to enjoy "non-con". It's thought that this is due to the idea that it's attractive to think that someone finds us so desirable that they just couldn't help themselves. Further, it's the thought that the blame, again in some ways, is removed from the woman. She didn't go out acting promiscuous, this thing just happened to her, this sexual encounter. She couldn't stop it from happening and for some people the idea of feeling desired and not being able to control that it's happening and therefore it's "guilt free" is attractive. THIS IS AGAIN FOR FICTIONAL SPACES, not REALITY. No one wants this to happen to them in real life or to happen to someone else in real life period.

The other reason is that I just enjoy the purely feral and primal urge for a big man to conquer and take what he wants. Again, not something I'd want in real life or that I'd want someone to go through, but the thought is hot to me. Man want vageen, man take vageen, it's literally that barbaric and simple. I have many kinks in fanfiction that I DON'T have in real life, and non-con is certainly one of them for this reason.

Now as far as "finding it hard to read/write because others have IRL trauma because of it", while I understand completely where you're coming from, and I'm not trying to change your mind, I encourage you to think about some things. Firstly, you are perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable reading something, and that's why I said I'm not going to try and sway your opinion. Let's just understand that first and foremost. Secondly, there are other things we read about that have caused people IRL trauma that no one shakes a fist at, murder being a big one. Just because I enjoy reading/writing a fictional murder-mystery, does that mean I don't feel bad for real people who have been murdered or family members of victims? Not at all, I feel for them, but I'm still intrigued by the story I'm reading/writing. What I find interesting, (and this isn't a reflection on YOU, there's a lot of people who think this way) is that for some reason the subject of non-con is disturbing for some, but the loss of a life (murder) is fine? That is something that I still am trying to figure out! I hope this clears it up a little?

EDITED TO ADD: It also allows lots of people a safe space to indulge in a very unsafe and downright dangerous thing. We can "experience" something horrific without actually being in real danger and it allows us to enjoy it that way.

Thanks for the great thought provoking questions! I really enjoyed this exercise! I'll get to your fic soon!!

#melody answers #anonymous

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sw1mmingfoolz · 3 years ago

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🌙 my love is the sun, the moon and the stars - wen junhui (500 follower special)🌙

ask: 'hello congrats on 500!!!!!!!! im an anon that’s been thinking of coming off anon and asking if u wanna be moots but im shy lol but this event i might go slightly crazy lol ive been in such a fluffy mood as well // ok first request! can i please have husband jun at four am who’s pouring out his love for the reader thinking they’re asleep but they’re not so they hear and it’s super fluffy?' - anonymous

genre: maybe the most tender fluff i have ever written

content warnings: none :)

pairing: jun x gn!reader

wc: 1.4k

a/n: thank you anon for requesting and for your sweet words!! i am always down for more moots but if you're shy you can have an anon tag so ik it's you sending asks if that's easier! regardless thank you for your support, sorry it took a little to get to this :) i hope you like it, this might top my bang chan narcolepsy drabble for the softest thing i have literally ever written hahaha 💞💞 feedback is of course always very appreciated and very encouraged 💞

In the fuzzy headed state between sleep and wakefulness, everything seems so muted. The click of the door is hushed; barely audible. The rustling sounds of your husband changing out of his sweat doused dance clothes are like a gentle whisper. The dip in the bed as he hurries to join you under newly washed linens is so slight you hardly register it. All muffled by your brain trying to lure you into the land of dreams, entirely still as he settles behind you, propped up on his side by a single elbow.

Jun's warm hand grazing its way up your arm brought you a little further to consciousness, eventually settling on your shoulders and rubbing soft circles into the flesh with the pad of his thumb. His movements were careful as he slid down the cool sheets a little, a strong arm wrapping around your waist to pull your back flush against his chest. His body cradled yours, curled into one another like matching puzzle pieces, his strong form radiating warmth to simmer trapped under the duvet and tickle the exposed skin of your legs and midriff. Your hairs stood on end, goosebumps raising briefly only to melt back into your skin as if bathed in sunlight under only the tender touch of his fingertips. You didn't know what time it was, but as you tried to wake up enough to ask, he began to whisper shyly.

"Sorry I'm back so late, my love," his breath tickled the shell of your ear, warm and inviting, and while you kept your eyes shut you subconsciously tilted your head back a little to nuzzle into his shoulder. It was easier to hear him that way, and he didn't seem to notice you were listening, for he continued without hesitation. "It's already nearly morning, ah. I feel like I'm always home late these days. Comeback and all," he let out a small exhale of a chuckle at his own words; a mildly defeated one, as he continued his ghosting ministrations over your arm. Lithe fingers glided down to your hand, playing slightly with your fingers before moving back up, his lips placing a tentative kiss to your shoulder. So gentle; afraid of stirring you yet unwilling to hold back his bubbling affection.

He felt his heart flutter as he watched you, ready to explode in an exultant display of golden confetti and handmade paper hearts, wishing you could enter his mind for even a moment to truly grasp the way he felt. Words never felt enough, but it didn't stop him speaking more. "But you remain so patient, so supportive," Another, slightly stronger kiss to the nape of your neck, the smell of your freshly washed hair hitching his breath momentarily as he took a moment to simply inhale. To be, to exist - to allow himself to be entirely consumed by you. "You never ask me for more, even though I'm sure falling asleep alone isn't what you want. I mean, if you feel the same about me that I do about you, I'd assume so, because whenever I'm not with you I feel like a part of me is missing," he continued, his smile obvious as he spoke. You listened in complete silence, flickering your eyes behind their lids to appear asleep still, even though he wasn't looking at them. You let out a content sigh to further the illusion, to which he grinned.

He wondered if you knew how unbearably cute he found you, for as much as he tried to appear cool even still after marriage, he found his fond gaze fixed on you any time you were in his presence. The other members teased him, sure, but it was a small price to pay to get to look upon someone he could only consider a celestial being among mere mortals, painstakingly crafted from the stars that sparkled the brightest and shining brilliantly like the moon shone upon the two of you through ajar curtains. He followed the trail of it as it filtered, a thin stripe growing broader at your shoulder to accentuate the features of your face. In a word, angelic, he thought, brushing the side of your cheek with the backs of his fingers.

"I think I hit the jackpot, honestly. Such a beautiful spouse, such a patient one, such a kind person who looks at everyone as a potential friend." He sighed softly, his lips now gracing your upper arm. "And you take such good care of me, asking for nothing in return, just knowing I'm doing my best too," The arm around your waist tightened ever so slightly, and this time you braved turning to face him, movements slightly awkward under his hold and eyes remaining closed the entire time as you buried your face in his chest. Immediately, he brought his other arm to nestle under your neck, hand drawing circles on your shoulder. No, you thought; not circles but small hearts, traced lovingly into your skin. You too allowed his scent to engulf you; fresh laundry and hints of warm spiced vanilla from lingering cologne, and it took every ounce of strength you possessed not to give up the game and kiss his neck as lightly as he did yours earlier. "Your laugh lights up the entire room, and my entire being… I hope I can give you endless reasons to laugh and smile forever. I wish I were better able to show you how much I love you, better able to speak when you're actually awake to hear it, better at being here next to you when you settle to sleep. I know you knew what you were getting into - you reassure me all the time - but still… I want to be good enough for you, and I hope you know I will never stop trying, because you genuinely deserve the world."

"Baby," You cooed against his skin, slightly muffled by it. His body stiffened a little beneath your touch, and so you moved your arm to circle his waist and held him as tightly as he was holding you. "I don't want to hear you doubting yourself so much. You do more than enough. You're the reason for most of my smiles and my laughs, you're the reason I wake up every morning excited to even open my eyes, you're the reason my heart and my stomach are overtaken by butterflies even after so many years together. You give me so much just by existing, and I love you so much, so please don't put pressure on yourself that I would never even imagine to."

His muscles gradually relaxed at your words, and you finally opened your eyes and tilted your head up to look at him. You took his face in your palms as your eyes adjusted to the dark, his striking, somewhat cat-like features becoming slowly more visible. His eyes were shining, a light film of tears glazing them, stars twinkling within his pupils as they scanned your own face. "Thank you," you hummed, pressing your lips to his in a featherlight kiss. Your thumb grazed over a sharp cheekbone and your forehead rested against his. You nuzzled your nose against his with a breathy giggle, which he mirrored gladly. "I know how you feel, you don't need any fancy words, or to sacrifice all your time, or to fetch me the sun to show me your love,"

"I don't think I could do such a thing anyway, for my sun is right here," he murmured, his lips grazing yours as he spoke. Your breath fanned over one another's lips, minty yet warming. "My sun, my moon, my stars; you're my whole universe."

"And you say you're not good with words," you teased gently, the two of you smiling against one another. "You are everything to me, darling, my support is unconditional."

"And mine to you, my sweetheart," you both fell hushed for a moment, relishing in a moment so tender it swelled your full hearts to beat in sync, listening to one another's steady breathing. "I can't believe you were pretending to be asleep, though," he whispered after a moment, breaking the tension by causing you to laugh louder than intended.

"If you usually talk to me like this when I sleep, I'll have to become better at acting," you grinned, melting against him as he pulled you in for a more passionate kiss, laced with the many more words he didn't think he'd find himself able to say anytime soon. You didn't mind, though - you had more than enough to fill the gap.

masterlist | tell me what you thought?

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aelaer · 3 years ago

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Thanks for answering that last ask, lol. I half-expected you were going to ignore it tbh. I was hesitating when I wanted to send the ask, bcs, well, duh. It's controversial af lol. Just wanted to let ya know that you're not the only one with that view. (Great minds alike, am I right?) So please don't stop. Really.

This is gonna be a bit of a rant, and if you feel the need not to answer this ask, due to the fear of causing controversy in your blog, I 100% understand. Dunno if tumblr will cut off my ask so i'm hoping this is sent in its full-form.

I honestly agree that Tony gets maybe a *bit* too much spotlight (especially after the CACW shit and fans picking team tony/steve), and I hate that Stephen is just used as a plot device. I don't get why exaggerating a char's innocence is a good thing. Especially if they put other characters *too* antagonised and spiteful. It's petty. And putting another character in it (refer this as Stephen) as a plot device to make the main char more angelic is just.... idk. I'm only using rather insensitive words bcs I'm on anon ngl hahahahah.

Which is why, when I found your ao3 profile, I felt like you saved my life. Cus like. Idk. It's rare to find fics alike. Not really good with words so yeah.

Also thanks sm for tagging your fics properly, lest I wouldn't have found your works.

Ik some authors who share the same idea with the matter, but either they wanted to reach a wider fanbase by venturing into ships and fulfilling people's cravings (that require an ooc stephen, wince), or they simply don't have the writing capabilities to match their intentions -- like you do -- yet, I'm not so sure.

So basically yeah. Binge read your works this week. You're doing super great. Please keep going or else I would've probably never been here in the first place.

Fucking love your works. Don't hate on me for this if you happen to find it irrational ;-; Though if you do, I'm honestly interested with what you think. Sorry for sending a long ass ask.

Hey it's all chill, my anon friend. I really try not to hate on folks, even when I don't agree with everything they say or do. The world needs more empathy after all. And you've done nothing wrong in this ask here.

I personally don't ignore asks. It may take a month or two to get to some as it has in the past during busy or bad seasons, but I get to them. (I also don't get a ton so they're easy to answer haha.) The only ones not answered are short fic prompts that have taken me over 2 years to get to, which I'd like to finish eventually... some day.

I expanded on the topic about other characters in the last ask so I won't get into it again here, but I will say that unfortunately Stephen is not a terribly popular character compared to many other MCU characters like Tony, Bucky, and Loki. It makes finding fic starring him very challenging. He's also a difficult character to write well, though I applaud folks for trying, truly. It's great when people challenge themselves and don't let the fear of failure or judgement keep them from trying.

Anyone who hasn't written Stephen because they're not sure how to write him, or have written him but aren't confident with their writing of him, I recommend rewatching his origin film in particular as that's often forgotten for what we saw in IW and Endgame. There's also some good video essays about the character on YouTube. Some fanfic of him is good, while others are very bad, so it's a hit or miss there. One shot character pieces that are not concentrating on a ship tend to be more reliable, in my experience, for a better character analysis because the goal of the piece as a one shot is more a character study, and without the romance you aren't looking at the character as part of a unit. You need to know the character before you study how he works as a romantic partner, IMO.

I'm hoping his film helps his popularity, but I do have some fears that it will be drowned out a bit by Wanda. We'll have to see what happens on AO3 in particular, which is where my primary fandom interest lies in this case. I really, really want to see fic that isn't just reader inserts. Totally legit fanfic, but romance is already not my cup of tea and, if they aren't just smut pieces, those tend to be caretaker-Stephen fics which are a dime a dozen with his fics with Tony and Peter. So yeah, hopefully there will be more variety in the coming weeks. Of the action/adventure/drama type. A girl can dream.

I'm thrilled you like my writing. And also my tagging, some of the tagging is very hard to complete with some of the one shots xD but seriously, you're sweet. And you're good. Don't sweat it ❤️

#stephen strange #mcu #ask #answered #anonymous #writing advice #fanfic

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celestialrry · 4 years ago

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call me baby

psa: this might have a part 2 if anyone wants it, ik its a shitty ending lol but I wouldn’t know what to write after this. also I have another angst piece in the works but its literally taking so long to write 😖

1.8k

summary: Being hopelessly in love with your friend isn’t ideal, especially when Harry doesn’t even seem to see you as more than a therapist.

warnings: angst, pining, cursing

You looked over at your phone, now vibrating against your bedside table, lit up with his contact photo, a picture of him sticking his tongue out. “Hi.” You picked it up, wrapping your free arm around your torso, sitting up a bit straighter out of instinct even though he couldn't see you.

“Hey, love. Can I get some advice?” He asked through the phone, his voice a bit gravely and deep as always. You silently sighed, biting your lip in hesitation. Everytime you’d get a call from him, he would either rant about his current partner, get advice about them, or just want you to be there when he needed someone to talk to.

Of course you would always be there for him, regardless of time, space, and anyone he gave his heart to. He was Harry Styles for god's sake, your friend since forever, the man who treated everyone like they were the best thing in his life, most of the time at least. He lit up any room he was in and when you’d see him it would always be fulfilling, even if the two of you sat in silence in a room of just four walls.

“Of course, what’s up?” You asked after a brief moment of silence. It was currently 4 in the morning in your single room flat in London and you didn’t think Harry knew that, but you weren't going to tell him.

“It’s just, Ana’s has been so clingy lately and we’ve only been together officially for 3 weeks. It’s making me want to end things.” Harry admitted into the phone. You almost rolled your eyes at his words. Not once has he called you to ask about you in months, but that's just how things were. You weren’t sure why you expected anything else.

“If you aren’t happy with her, end it,” You spoke up after a while, unsure if you were giving him the advice because you were desperate to be with him or it was genuinely what he should do. “There’s no point in being with her if you’re considering ending it over her being clingy.”

You heard him sigh into the phone before speaking up. “Yeah, we’ll see, thanks,” He said your name. You smiled a bit at that. It was crazy how he could make you feel so special by just the tone of his voice, absurd, really,

“ ‘Course. So-” Before you could say anything else you heard the beep of the phone being hung up. You took a deep breath, trying to think of how Harry and you were before everything changed.

2 years ago

“I can’t believe you’re officially moving to L.A.” You said as you stood in his bedroom doorway, watching him pack up his last few clothes.

“Me neither.” He simply said.

Before you could stop it, you felt a salty tear roll down you cheek. As you wiped it away, he turned around, his face dropping all previous joy, concern flooding his features.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He used the nickname he gave you 11 years ago when we were 10. It was crazy how the two of you had known each other so long, and now you were both 21, and he would be living in the city of angels.

“Just gonna miss seeing you as often as I usually do is all.” You laughed, the tears flowing more freely now. One Direction had just gone on hiatus and after spending some time at home, Harry decided to switch it up a bit. You didn’t understand why he couldn’t just switch it up by not wearing skinny jeans everyday, but it seemed he wanted something bigger than that.

He pouted and walked over to you, giving me a hug before mumbling in your ear, “I’ll call you everyday. Promise.”

Promises were made to be broken, it seemed. He only calls you when he needs a hand, and only answers if he’s alone. You wish you found it more frustrating than painful, maybe that way it would be easier to move on, but you have yet to do so. You’ve asked yourself why you were still silently pining over him, with no answer in sight.

The last time you saw Harry in person was almost a year ago, when he came back to visit his family. Up until that trip he called you everyday, or close too, wanting to know about you day or he just “wanted to hear your voice”. Then when we were together it was like no time had passed while he was away.

1 year ago

“Oh shut up.” You scoffed, lightly punching his bicep.

He just laughed in return, rubbing his arm acting like you had actually hurt him.

“I feel like you just got back and now you’re leaving again,” you said after a bit, knowing he was leaving the next morning. “Plus,” you added, gently playing with his hair. “I’m gonna miss your hair, it’s so fun to braid.”

He looked over at you as your hand fell to rest on his shoulder, running your fingers through his curls. “I know, but I’ll come back soon. I’ll try not to cut my hair for you, don’t worry.” He smiled at you, leaning over and pulling you into a hug.

You just returned his grin and hug, and stuck your fingers through the ringlets, having way too much fun with his hair. You noticed he was looking at you the entire time you were messing with his hair, but you convinced yourself it was because he had nowhere else to look.

Eventually, you were so close to him you could see freckles you never had before. Your breath hitched, not knowing if you should backup or not, your hand still resting on his shoulder in his curls. Then all of a sudden he was far away again, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Your heart ached with the love you had for Harry, and it seemed nothing could cure it except him and when you woke up the next morning and instinctively checked your phone, you frowned as you noticed no notifications from the one person you truly wanted to hear from.

You weren’t sure when your hurt extended from the pain of practically losing a friend to the pain of not being able to be with someone you love. You weren’t sure when you started seeing his lips as kissable and not something to put lipstick on for fun. You weren’t sure when you started looking at his hands as something to hold and not as a blocker for your playful punches.

You weren’t sure when you started stealing glances more than you usually did or avoiding eye contact because it made you nervous. You weren’t sure when your stomach was no longer empty and then filled with butterflies. You weren’t sure when he stopped calling just to talk, or when he stopped picking up. All you were sure of was that you were hopelessly in love with someone who could never feel the same.

✧˖*°࿐

He called a few more times about the same girl, Ana. You had spoken to your friend about it, and you were slowly getting over him. Each time you were getting cut off and hung up on, and it took a really long time for you to know you deserved better. He hadn’t called you since he attempted once and you didn’t answer. It went on for a few months, he would call you almost everyday, alongside texts like “Hello?”, “Pick up, please?”, and the text that came last before you blocked him, “Are you okay?”. He didn’t deserve to know, and sure maybe you shouldn’t have just cut off all contact, but there was no other way to get over him.

A month after you blocked him, and you were no longer sulking when you checked your phone and no longer crying to sleep. You were becoming happy thanks to your self control, and finally learning that just because Harry didn’t love you, didn;t mean you shouldn’t love yourself.

You were sitting on your couch when there was a knock at your door. You looked up from the book in your lapa and stood up, scurrying to the door, not wanting the person at the other side to be waiting.

You swung it open, met with the last face you expected to see. He looked concerned almost, and almost immediately you were wrapping in his arms, after over a year he was holding you once more. Except this time you didn’t want it. You pushed him off of you and stepped back. “What are you doing here Harry?” You asked, a scowl on your face.

“I-y’wouldn’t answer me and then nothing went through, god, I was so worried, love-”

“No,” You shook your head. “Don’t call me that, you can’t just come here after being an asshole to me for over a year. You are not allowed to be worried about me, not when you haven’t bothered to ask how I am after all this time.”

His mouth dropped open in shock, you were always so calm, you never had yelled at him before. “I’m sorry-”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” You pursed your lips.

“Just let me explain,” He said, hesitating like he was trying to find an answer to this, but you knew whatever he told you, nothing would change. “I-when we saw each other last, we almost kissed, or at least I almost kissed you, I love you, I was so scared that y’wouldn’t feel the same, and I guess I got caught up in trying to make you jealous. Please, m’so sorry.”

He took a step towards you and you took two steps back. There was no way he felt the same as you did- you had. And even if he did, you always knew he was shit at handling feelings, but there was no excuse.

“No, you can’t do that, say that. I don’t care if you mean it or not,” You began, tearing up. “That-thats’s so fucking terrible to do to someone, especially if you love them. I’m tired Harry, I’m done with you, I’ve been done with you for months.”

“What?” He asked, like he couldn’t believe you.

“Please leave.”

Your heart broke at your own words, but you couldn’t forgive him. Not now, and maybe not ever.

“Please I-”

“I said leave, Harry.”

You could see his watery eyes as he opened his mouth to protest once more, but then closed it. There was nothing he could say. Not anymore. He was always leaving, but this time, for the first time, you wanted him to.

#call me baby #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles

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pomegranates-and-blood · 4 years ago

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νοσταλγία (Chapter 7)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader (eventual)

Summary: This is a retelling/romantization of the Greek myth of Persephone’s abduction with Ivar as Hades and you as Persephone. The Reader character is a Byzantine woman, follower of the Greek Pantheon/Religion, and a devoted follower of Persephone. This takes place after 5A, but the universe of this is a little changed in relation with the series, of course. Thank you for giving it a chance, hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: The usual

A/N: Ik I’ve been uploading a lot of chapters out of schedule, I’m sorry. The Saturday’s ones are never gonna falter, but I wanna upload a lil bit more and a lil bit more often. And on every two weeks on tuesdays I’ll keep uploading spinoffs, but I might upload an extra chapter during the no-spinoff week if the story is going too slow lol.

Anyways, idk if anyone reads these lol, but I’m gonna ask anyways that you please let me know what you think, and hope you enjoy this chapter/story. Thank you!

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927

King Ivar talks in his sleep, who would have thought? His voice rouses you from a restless sleep, thinking for a moment he calls for you but it’s just rumbles as he tosses and turns. You sigh in the darkness, and suddenly it feels like the shadows are heavier than before, more suffocating, more…more real.

You don’t know where you are walking to, but you don’t stop until your bare feet touch the wet and cold sand.

With your knees pressed to your chest you keep your eyes on the waves breaking near the coast, closing your eyes and imagining the lull of the ocean is the same as the one you heard from the temple in Eleusis.

But the sand is rougher under your bare feet, the waves louder and more enraged, the wind is more biting and less forgiving. And you are alone, alone and defeated on a foreign land of cold and death.

So you open your eyes, because this isn’t home, and reach with cold fingers for the gifted knife you kept in your person despite the knowledge if anyone here wanted you dead you would be so.

Keeping your gaze on the horizon, you take a hold of the wind-swept tresses of your hair and cut a lock at the end of it. A mark of mourning and a mark for all the deaths you are responsible for.

Holding on tightly to the strands of grief, you extend a hand, a farewell to the Greeks that are not to return, an offering to this land that has brought you nothing but sorrow and heartache.

When you open your hand, the hair flows in the cold winds away from you, and you allow yourself a small prayer in Greek to Macaria to bless their sacrifice, to Thanatos for safe passage, to Persephone for warmth, to Hades for mercy.

And, in a selfish moment, you pray to every God in the Underworld not to summon you home just yet. For if the Fates allow it so, you will see to it yourself that the blood spilled is paid forth.

Because if the King’s word is to be trusted, sooner or later you will walk out of his land a free woman. You will return to Greece, even if you have to wade through blood to do so.

You close your eyes, and the faint smell of snowdrops fills your nose, reminding you of spring and loneliness, of teardrops and homesickness.

A part of you tries to follow the tug on your heart and listen to what the Gods try to tell you, but you’re left cold and alone when you try reaching for the Pantheon you’ve come to know your whole life.

The sound of gravel ruffling behind you startles you, and you turn around with a gasp and a strong grip on the knife Ivar gifted you, ready to at least leave whoever is coming to hurt you with a scar to remember you by.

But it is Ivar who approaches you, strong arms dragging him forward as he moves over the cold sand. His eyes stay on yours as he moves, reminding you for a moment of a serpent approaching its cornered prey.

Still, even if your mind refuses to accept it, your heart lurches in relief, and you loosen the tension in your body. Still you remain quiet as he finds a place sitting at your side, moving his legs with ease to stretch them in front of him.

You lower your gaze to your hands, and only then notice the wrong hold of the knife made you injure yourself. The faint streaks of blood in your pointer finger and near your thumb bring to the front of your mind the sting that comes with the wound you opened by holding the hiltless knife the wrong way.

After a moment of consideration, you bring your hand to your mouth and lick off the blood, letting the knife fall on your lap.

Stealing a quick side glance to the Viking has you finding his eyes on you with a strange sense of intensity in his gaze, a quiet sort of…something. You shrug it off, and stay quiet, but his irritated question is quick to break the silence.

“I woke up and you weren’t there.”

You’re startled and annoyed at the entitled tone of his voice, but you still shrug.

“I am a free woman, am I not?”

“So you were trying to escape?”

“You would stop me.” You reply without hesitation.

“And yet you still don’t fear me.”

“If you wanted to kill me you would have already, if you wanted to use me as leverage for court games you will need time to do so,” You swallow the shame, the dread, and continue as your eyes look blindly ahead, “And…and if you wanted to take me, you could have avoided all this and just asked.”

Silence stretches between you, and in a moment of weakness you turn your gaze to find his clear eyes already set upon you, seeking and demanding as they always have been.

“You wanted me.”

The tone of surprise, the slightly parted lips that draw your gaze down to his mouth, the way his eyes search your face; it all makes your foolish heart see him in a new light for a fleeting moment, in the light of the man you met in that moldy cabin that was never yours to begin with.

But you remind yourself of what brought you here, of what he truly saw when he looked at you: a foreign witch to conquer.

So, you remind him that the woman he met, the woman that lingered for moments too long on the lure of his eyes, on the curve of his smile, on his expressive gestures; the woman that thought foolishly she could be anything other than the name and titles bestowed upon her; the woman that started to trust him; that woman was gone the moment he put chains on you.

“I wanted the man I met in Aneridge, I have no idea who you are.”

And with just a few words, any trace of softness, any trace of vulnerability, any trace of that strange boyish glances he used to throw your way when you were just a Priestess and he was just a Viking, are gone.

King Ivar curls his nose in anger, lifting his head a bit as he warns you,

“I’m growing tired of your games, Priestess.”

“Kill me, then.” You bite out, even as your voice wobbles. Because you have heard the stories, you have heard the tendrils of voices not quite human reaching your ears. You know he is as cruel and as dangerous as the whispers say, you know he carries the favor of the Dread Lord, you know he was born to be ruthless, to die and return, to suffer and conquer.

But there’s a part of you that wants to test him, dare him.

Use your strength against me, hurt me, kill me. Make me know what I am to feel for you, make me disgusted, make me fearful. I’m tired of hope.

But Ivar just smiles, a cold and angry smile but a smile nonetheless, and turns his eyes head, choosing silence to reign between you until the sun comes up over those distant waves.

____

You approach the city encased in tall walls, and though awe at its size and life pulls at your heart, you cannot help but feel you are walking blindly into a cage.

There’s so many pale and distrusting eyes set on you, gazes persisting on the things that make you different to them: your dress, your hair, your face, your skin.

And you’re not stupid enough to ignore that even in the way you are brought to port you are separated from the other prisoners, from the Christians the Varangian has brought from across this sea. You sail in the same boat as their King, there’s a distance between you and the rest of the men and women in the ship, you are washed and unbound.

You stay silent, and watch raptly as the King moves away from you as the boat docks, discarding the crutch so he can lift himself up to the pier, and standing up again with help of the crutch and a nearby barrel. He lifts his gaze and immediately finds your own, and a cruel smile starts to spread over his face as he stretches a hand in a mocking gesture to help you up.

“Priestess.”

You take your eyes off his instead, and look down at your dress as you grab your skirts and lift them so you can safely move towards the pier. Standing at the King’s side -because you know he would not hesitate to call you to order, to demand your presence where he deems it so, to tug on the invisible chains around your wrists- you take a moment to look over the lively pier, filled of families reuniting, stands of fishermen selling their captures, slaves carrying baskets of goods around, lives blossoming past the winter that seems to pierce the air of this place.

“So this is to be my new prison?” You ask instead of voicing any other thought, a little delighted in the way you put the King on edge.

He doesn’t hesitate in reaching down and grabbing onto your arm, lifting your wrist between the two of you, his blue eyes challenge yours.

“You’re not a prisoner,” He repeats the lie, and although the mark of your struggle against the chains once set upon you is still there, he seems to want you to believe you are free. “You are my guest, Priestess.”

“Guest.” You repeat, and his eyes narrow, his nose furrows. It is too easy to draw out his rage, to get to see ragged edges and bled truths. And you will always prefer rage, prefer anger and chaos, over the mocking cruelty that’s the mask of the King of Kattegat.

He starts walking and the people move as to open a path for him, and considering your only option is to be left alone surrounded by these intimidating and foreign people, you bite your tongue and follow.

“You should be grateful, Priestess, your life could be so much worse, were you at anyone else’s mercy.”

“I know this is a mercy even if you have none,” You acknowledge, and the King stops walking, looking at you over his shoulder as you calmly walk to his side. You meet his eyes, and clarify, “I will still not thank you.”

He grunts as he turns back around, a movement of his head as he arranges his legs to move with the help of his crutch, and even if his back is to you, you still know he is gritting his teeth, the anger written in the lines of his back, in the huffs of air that leave his lips.

“I know, you still choose to hate me.”

“Ivar,” You call out with more softness than you intended to. After the King hesitates for a moment, enough for you to know he is listening, you reach his side again and in a voice that is almost a whisper you offer, “I will never look upon you with anything other than hate, as long as you are the one with all the power and I’m relegated to following your commands.”

____

You are given time as the King addresses his people to clean yourself up and dress up in some fresh clothing. The dresses that are offered to you, the hair ornaments, the earrings and the bracelets, they all scream of foreignness, of being away from home; so you choose to keep your old and stained red dress.

You are brought to the loud and vibrant main hall at the King’s request, and it is with a gesture he orders you to take a seat on one of the tables by his side, though he remains on his throne. You eye the people around you, laughing, drinking, dancing; the world around you moving on and on as if yours hasn’t flipped upside down.

And the stupid, childish, reckless part of you that has made you commit so many mistakes along the way; that part of you wants to refuse him, wants to stand your ground and deny him of any power over you.

But the ambient presses down on you, like the air when you reach a mountaintop, and the people are too loud and too foreign, and the only thing you’re familiar with in this cold and strange place is the eyes that burn like Greek Fire of the King.

So you take your seat at his side.

The way his cruel smile widens, regarding you like a dog that performed a good trick makes your blood boil. Your hands curling into fists and your lips pursing without your intent only seem to entertain him further, which makes the silent interaction a vicious circle you cannot seem to break out of.

“Good girl.” He mocks, because of course he does, because you are an open book and he is a cruel and insufferable man. But you refuse -and so does your self-preservation- to run your mouth, and instead play a game, like you were taught to.

“There’s a first time for everything.” You answer around a smile that the King starts to return, but a voice from somewhere further back in the hall brings your conversation to a close.

“The witch seems fiery. I wonder if she is that hard to tame.”

You were meant to hear those words and the laughs that follow, you were meant to feel the threat, the humiliation. You know this, but even knowing it cannot keep the crawl of your skin, the shame clogging your throat.

The Christians called you a Heathen. These Vikings call you a Witch. There may be a difference, but you cannot see it. Both will try to beat you or rape you into submission, both will see foreign as inferior.

Although you may not see the man that said those words, it seems that that King Ivar does. The cold eyes of someone that has killed for less and would again set on the warrior behind you, and even if curiosity begs for you to turn around and see their expression, you hold your place.

A mumble of apology reaches your ears, but it is not meant for you, so you say nothing. The King shows a quick and purposely false smile before raising his voice,

“Leave us.”

A multitude of questions arise, but again a glare from the volatile King silences any real questioning, and the room feels so much larger and cavernous once the men have left.

Ivar turns to you, studying you.

“So, Priestess.”

The tales your father used to gift you with of unarmed prisoners being thrown into a coliseum against lions and wolves and all kinds of predators are brought forth to your mind as you stand alone in that empty and cold hall.

“So, Viking.” You quip back, crossing your arms to hide the nervous tremble of your hands.

He studies you for a moment, finally asking, “What will you use your freedom for?”

“For the gift to choose, without fear you selling or giving me away like a barn animal.” You reply dryly.

“I can still do that.” He is quick to say, dangling threats over your head like it truly entertains him.

“Not without breaking your promise.” You say, not aware of how much relief his word gives you until this moment.

The King narrows his eyes, annoyance clear in his pale gaze, and stands up from his throne.

You hold your ground as he approaches you, but he instead chooses to sit in one of the chairs in the now empty table. Ivar motions with a bloodied hand for you to take a seat as well, the movement a flourish in mock recognition of your noble birth.

You sit, albeit stiffly. Drinking what you assume to be mead from a goblet, the Viking King regards you sideways.

“And what are these choices you will make, now free?”

You answer with the first thought that comes to mind, realizing too late you give away a little of yourself in the process.

“Find out what the Christians have done with Attica’s ashes.”

“Your kingdom?”

“My kingdom.” You sentence, and even after over a year of denying the people that traveled with you the right to call you Anassa, you realize now that you have been, albeit crownless, acting like it for so long.

After a few moments the Viking narrows his eyes, “You will not return there anytime soon.”

If it’s a taunt, if it’s a threat, you can only hear the stubborn possessiveness of a child refusing to let go of a new toy.

“But I will return.” You promise.

“How are you so sure?”

Looking to the hall around you, you ask, “You returned here, didn’t you?”

You could swear the King looks intrigued, impressed even, for a moment before he dismisses you with a gesture of his hand. He believes you, though, of this you are certain.

But he says nothing else, shrugging his shoulders and drinking deeply before engaging in discussion with one of the men at his other side.

You keep your eyes on the King, and although for a moment you are distracted from the braces around his legs, and the way they do not seem to work normally, when your eyes continue a path upwards and reach his shoulders and arms, you realize he does not need his legs to fight like the men that decimated Stithulf’s army.

You continue your path to his face, and study the braids that trail through the top of his head to the back of it, the proud edge of his nose, the shape of his lips, for a moment tainted with mead his tongue licks away.

The sound of tables and chairs being dragged brings your attention away from your…ogling. You lift your gaze to see two men in the middle of the hall shake off their upper armor and in the midst of laughs and cheers from the others, struggle and wrestle for victory in the middle of the hall.

It seems you are no longer the novelty in the room, and you allow yourself to relax in your seat for a moment.

_____

Hi, hope you enjoyed! I use flowers and animals a lot to point towards the Gods, either Norse or Greek, so: snowdrops are, according to where I searched, symbols of Freyja, created from her tears when she was first brought to Asgad from Vanaheim, and in her homesickness when the tears fell to the earth the flowers bloomed as snowdrops.

Also friendly reminder this Tuesday I’m uploading Ivar’s PoV of the Prologue! I would love for you to read it and tell me what you think. If you want to be added to the taglist, of course please let me know.

Thank you, hope to hear from you, and hopefully I’ll see you Tuesday! :)

#ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar x reader #vikings imagine #vikings #νοσταλγία masterlist

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red-riding · 4 years ago

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Blogs/People Im Thankful for

Hello yall! So its thanksgiving week here in America, and I decided to list out some amazing people/blogs I am thankful for. I started this blog on a whim two months ago and would have never suspected I would meet so many kind and amazing people through starting it. I am truly so thankful for all my followers and every blog I have interacted with as all this has been helping me get through quarantine and not being able to go to school and see my friends. The Tolkien/lotr/silm/hobbit Community has truly blown me away with how kind and welcoming everyone is.

Anyone else feel free to do the same and list blogs you are thankful for if you like! I would love to see it! I think listing who you are thankful for can cause a major impact, to not only you both those who you say thanks to and spreading some thanks on tumbler would be amazing.

(Sorry to all the blogs of people not from America who I shouted out. Ik you guys don't celebrate thanksgiving but I still wanted to say I was thankful so Yeah, feel free to reblog and list blogs you are thankful for even if you are not American. )

@allinwonderlands - Thank you for being the first friend I made on here and continuing to be my friend. You're both an amazing writer and person who is always fun to say hi to and catch up with! You manage to stay bright and kind even though you are going through a hard time, which is truly admirable.

@tolkien-fantasy - Thank you for being my friend both online and in person. I am so thankful we happen to live close to each other so we could meet in person and hang out. Your amazingly kind and knowledgeable about so many interesting things and a joy to be friends with and also such an amazing writer, It blows my mind how you manage such a large blog.

@1787537593 - Thank you for being my friend and talking with me. You are so smart in your knowledge of ancient greek stuff as well as an amazing writer. Also thank you for sending me quite a few mind blowing youtube videos.

@saviorsongwrites - I have not talked to you much, But hope to more in the future. Every time I have interacted with you, you have been an absolute angel. Its so impressive and inspiring you are getting a PHD and your a master writer.

@theelvenhaven / @halfwaytheremama - Every time you post on your blog brightens up my day. You are an amazing writer and put so much care into everything you write. You have been so kind to me every time I have interacted with you. It amazes me how you manage to raise two Kids, live life, deal with kids in e learning and run such an amazing blog!

@fizzyxcustard - Thanks for being so kind. I don't know you well but you seem to be just so kind and gracious and overall just a wholesome person through your posts.

@the-fandoms-georgie - Thanks for messaging me and asking for my input. I love helping you form your amazing stories and ideas, it always brightens my day.

Also shoutout to so many other people! If I did not list you please don't be offended, Everyone on here is amazing and deserves the world. i sadly can't shoutout everyone, I hope you understand.

#thanks yall #im being sappy because why not #lotr #hobbit #community #tolkien #silmarillion #thankgiving #thank

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bellafarella · 4 years ago

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Soooo I very obviously don’t know the whole situation with Noel but I read some of your asks and I saw people saying that they wished he would have made a more public statement regarding the “situation” to like apologize (???? Hopefully I’m not confusing you bc I very honestly am still trying to catch up myself lol) And I don’t like to make excuses for anyone but we all know he’s not active on social media unless he’s promoting his jobs and also I think that his age plays a factor in why he didn’t feel the need to make a big to-do or announcement. I doubt he’s following any young influencers who make notes app apologies 24/7 just to settle down their scandals, SOOO I honestly think that him unfollowing the cop was his way of righting his wrongs. I don’t think it even occurred to him that “hey the teens who follow me want me to write an explanation and apology”. I can say for myself that not even I know who I’m following half the time and once I see something on my feed that’s the only way I’m really aware of who I’ve chosen to follow. This year a lot of ppls true colors have been shown based on their political opinions and even their stances on blm and as a black female I took it among myself to unfollow ppl who did not support me and who were overall just not people I want to associate myself with. BUT GOING BACK ON TOPIC (sorry for the rant) with social media we only see what ppl WANT us to see so you’re following wtv image they’ve presented to the world unknowing of who these ppl really are. Once again idk the ins and outs of what happened but as far as I can tell so far is he happened to be following a bad person and when he realized that he unfollowed them. I don’t see why that needs to be hyper analyzed and dragged out. Cancel culture leaves absolutely no room to see both sides of any situation and in situations of blatant racism and homophobia an explanation is not needed but for something as vague as who someone’s following even after they’ve unfollowed them, I truly don’t think that this warrants a big to-do and ESPECIALLY not death threats. (Ik this is long and all over the place so feel free not to post it but I just wanted to get this out bc from the little bit I have learned this seems a bit blown out of proportion and I hope me saying thag doesn’t offend anyone)

All. Of. This.

Thank you! I agree. I think his age and how he's never usually on social media play a huge part in it. He unfollowed when he realized that person was problematic. I don't feel the need to announce every time I unfollow someone because I saw some shit I dont agree with. I get its different cause he's famous and I'm not but like noel doesn't use social media like all of us and influencers do. He uses it to promote his acting and when it was time to vote he promoted getting out there and voting to make a difference.

Cancel culture is very extreme and not always warranted. Yes for known racists, homophobes, antisemites, rapists, etc, cancel them and keep them accountable for their actions, but to wanna cancel someone for someone they followed when we don't know for a fact he even knows this person irl or if he even knew he was problematic.

Unfollowing, muting, and blocking people is the way to go. If you notice someone you're following posting shit you don't agree with or not posting when it comes to issues you care deeply about then please unfollow them, mute them or block them so you don't have to see them pop up again.

I literally cut a friend loose after almost a decade and blocked her on all social media. I didn't agree with anything she said when it came to covid or the BLM protests and then when I had surgery she didn't message me once. She isn't someone I need in my life. If I could cut someone out whos been in my life for that long, you can definitely unfollow some random ass person on social media because you don't agree with their opinions, politics, or whatever.

Anyways now I went off on a tangent LOL all this to say thank you for sharing and I agree with you!

#anon #reply

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zhuhongs · 5 years ago

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please let the read more work if not im so sorry. also if u read this just dont message me pls i am Fine i just need to say things and i forgot my peach password that i made in like 2016 akjfdf

IVE been SO FUCKING ANNOYED for MONTHS about this whole situation im so fucking MAD and i was keeping it under wraps and in check or so i thought but i’ve been so fucking short with everyone and everything bc of my current living situation and im so bothered by EVERYTHING. god. Like i hate that my mom and I can only afford to live in this fucking garage and that i got the chance to finally fucking leave it was ruined by covid and i just want to leave. I want to be elsewhere. This is all my fucking fathers fault and i’ll never forgive that bastard for all of this and everything thats ever happened in my fucking life and how i see him in everything. HE just lives in my head and in my trauma rent fucking free and it feels like the only ppl who truly get it are ppl who have had abusive families themselves so i keep saying things and talking abt my trauma and rlly no one outside of like 3 ppl i know irl rlly get it. And im not comfortable talking abt it with anyone here so pls dont message me i just need to call my brother so we can both vent and im so fucking mad. I see him everywhere. I see him in my one shift lead, i saw him in the passerby, i see him in characters i like in media. hes EVERYWHERE. he wont leave me. i mean he has been gone for a while and thank god but i can’t shake his influence. And i dont think its bc of him but everything goes back to him. everything. I want to be gone. I deserve to be living elsewhere and happy, i do!! i dont think i do bc i hate myself and everything related to this cursed blood but the greatest act of rebellion is proving him and this blood wrong and i want to leave. I just JKL:GHJFDfsa’ WHY CANT I FUCKING BE AT PEACE... im losing my fucking mind. I pretend its all ok and that im over my ptsd and my gad and my other issues or whatever the fuck im diagnosed with and never got treatment for but i hate meds and therapy so rlly its on me and im usually just FINE. i keep it under wraps so well but the second it starts to slip it slips and i get defensive and mad abt literally anything. God i’m a fucking adult, i can’t just get mad at little things so easily. im an adult. im better than this. im usually so unreadable. everyone irl tells me how they dont know shit abt me even tho i overshare and they dont rlly know me and good!! thats how i fucking want to keep it bc otherwise you’ll misunderstand. you will. you wont fucking get it and thats fine!! thats the point bc its a lot. I’m meant to understand others and not the other way around and thats for the best bc thats how i was raised. and i want to tell ppl whats wrong but i always mess up. i say too much and i make things awkwards and hard bc i dont want pity or a reaction or comfort. I just want someone to know and not say anything. Just know the context for why i am the way i am but it doesn’t fucking work that way. and i hate it but im a reasonable person so i cant just ignore that. and i know no one is obligated to care abt me, much like there are ppl i rlly dont care for and it be like that!! its just how it is but why am i so unreasonably upset abt these things so easily. its so unreasonable. i cant reconcile the parts of myself so easily. I want to overshare and be messy and unapologetic abt it but i want to be liked and loved by everyone but i also know that its cowardly and pathetic to never step on toes and i need to speak out more but i know also not to run my mouth so easily bc it leads to useless discord and im gonna fucking drive myself to an early death by the amt of overthinking i do and im jsut hhhhhh i dont know. i dont know who i am. those girls at my uni said it best. “we don’t rlly know anything about you, sage. You’re kind of a mytery. You’re always hear and listen to us and are nice but we rlly don’t know anything abt you rlly and we’re kinda scared to ask.” like damn.. call out.. okay. i mean.. i also don’t know myself. im just a fake. a collection of trauma and bad habits with some humor and other things i wear as a mask. idk anymore. im just mad i wasn’t able to make the escape that i was betting on and now im forced to be stuck in this garage and face myself alone every day. its sickening. i can’t accept myself as is. i can’t. i don’t know what to do. but i also don’t want an answer. its all on me that i feel this way. its all my fault and ik that so i guess i’m just gonna have to deal with it until i find a way to help myself. ik running away won’t work but i at least want to try it. oh well.

#delete later #dont read its rlly long and incoherant #long post #text heavy

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rojnapat · 5 years ago

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if you had to choose, what would be your favorite: - first evak hangout - first kiss - cuddle clip - reunion clip - morning after clip - OHN clip - minute by minute clip - christmas party clip (like between OG, skam fr and wtfock, what is your favorite for each scene?)

AND FAVORITE HOTEL CLIP I FORGOT ABT THAT ONE

okk finally i’m inspired to type this answer i’m sorry it took so long! but i mean you know my struggle at this point lol i’m so dumb

i think the answers are pretty obvious though rip but i love having the chance to ramble, thanks! (and please don’t let my struggle discourage you from sending these asks, i love answering these)

first hangout: vendredi 18h53. i don’t think i’ve recovered from the piano scene yet. and that close up of eliott just falling harder for lucas. eliott being a dork in general as a bonus. thank u.

first kiss: vendredi 20h27 le premier STOLE MY SOUL and never gave it back. i’ve made so many rambles, posts and said so much about this clip and yet nothing is enough! i love kisses under the rain! the symbolism with polaris! the moment the music starts playing i’m GONE i just????? what???

cuddle clip: i hope you weren’t expecting anything that wasn’t samedi 09h17 here cus i MEAN. the first thing that always hits hard about this clip is how it’s the first time we see lucas actually happy. he’s being himself! and listening to his heart, and yes! his heart is saying pull eliott closer and kiss him like there’s no tomorrow, but that’s the point! like it’s just this incredible contrast we see in lucas that we don’t see in any other isak, how do i explain it? the development is different. not worse, or better, just different! like for example, in robbe we get a slower but a bit steadier change, but in lucas we just get him just doing a 180, back and forth, until he’s finally out of the closet. and this clip is the first time we truly see it! i remember the first time i watched skam france it was actually so damn hard to picture lucas that way because of the personality he was given, and to see him with no doubts or fears, he doesn’t second guess himself, he just feels safe and happy and head over heels in love and acts on it without any shame... his beautiful take on the multiverse theory (by the way, my favorite one) and those beautiful shots of him and eliott while he talks about it? it’s just so perfect. i love that clip so much.

reunion clip: you see here i have a very close tie because. if you say choose one, yes or yes, i’m gonna go with vendredi 18h35, but truth be told... vrijdag 21:21 also took my breath away. it’s like, the first part? vrijdag just outdid every reunion scene ever. not only the fact that i witnessed it drop LIVE (and let me tell you it was the best feeling ever, we were so scared about wtfock clowning us and the second we saw that timestamp WE ALL KNEW and yet my heart fucking stopped when i heard sanders voice) but also that exchange with NO WORDS the way they say everything by just staying close, they both feel like the best option is to stay away, because robbe doesn’t trust sander and is too heartbroken, and sander feels what he has with robbe is doomed to fail because of his mental illness....... but they just love each other so much it doesn’t matter................... and then the second part of vendredi!!! the way they look like they’re dancing when they’re holding each other!!! the colors!!! the music!!! and more importantly: the way eliott looks at lucas like he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen this is too much

morning after clip: fem fine frøkner is a clip that i cannot believe literally EVERY OTHER REMAKE HAS ROBBED US OF but i mean, i also am kinda glad it stays as something that only og has. it’s such an evak thing, no? even being sweet, lovable and dorky and then isak trying to act cool but melting the second even comes close to him. that’s something i really loved about original isak, the way he just is completely incapable to function until even kisses him, to the point hE GETS FRUSTRATED it’s so adorable. i love. isak and even and i’m sad i don’t say it enough. i lov ehtem.

hotel clip: well then again altogether i dread strongly the hotel scenes whenever i’m doing a rewatch because i don’t like a single part of them. i mean sex scenes make me uncomfortable but I HAVE NO ISSUE WITH THEM before we start that drama again it’s just me myself as a person. but what i hate about those scenes is pretty much what everyone else dislikes, the problem is that they’re literally unwatchable to me. some things hit too close to home and become very unsettling. there are some cute rescue-able moments like robbe and sander cuddling, or lucas and eliott talking before the sex scene, but then the color schemes of the scenes, the way some shots are filmed, the straight up of a nightmare wtfock hotel room its all around such a bad omen and what comes afterwards is so awful to me all of it gets tainted. i guess the most tolerable one to me, because both the color scheme and the mood are lighter until it gets bad, the beautiful editing of the scene and the song that fucking SLAPS, is the original hotel scene.

ohn: vendredi 20h27 t’es plus tout seul really had the flashback game too strong. the music was so damn fucking well edited and chosen, everything about it hits so different than with any other of the versions of it, at least in my case. it was the only one that truthfully made me cry, and seriously, is that scene even REAL

minute by minute: well anon since you gave me the chance i’m kinda gonna cheat here cus it’s definitely maandag 11:03. wtfock’s minute by minute scene really was my favorite one. i think combining the two for this remake just worked so well. breaking down in robbe’s arms, for sander’s character, it just also worked so well. robbe’s soft “i love you” after sander says he’s toxic, basically every line robbe says is beautiful, but that “ik hou van jou” makes me astral project, i mean what the HELL dude, it just does the job so well, it just reassured us just like it reassured sander that he’s gonna be okay because he’s with someone with all that love to give to him and with all the time in the world to prove to him that it’s real???help?

christmas party clip: i’m gonna say wtfock here because they did that BRILLIANT thing with giving closure to robbe’s story by making him text his mom coming out to her, otherwise they’re all equally sweet and wholesome

let me make an entirely separate added category to say dinsdag 16:31 is my favorite clip out of all the clips in all the remakes i still can’t believe it’s REAL

also out of two of that list my real favs are from skam italia but i tried to keep it to the options u gave me... ily anon thank u

#Anonymous

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borathae · 3 years ago

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HI SIB! CH31 .... THE TITLE MADE ME GO A LIL 😳

NOT OC WONDERING IF SHE CARES FOR YG??? OH SHE TOTALLY DOES... SOMETIMES SHE S CARRIED AWAY... BUT AS U SAID SHE IS NOT IGNORANT SHE S JUST SCARED AND CLUELESS🥺

Dont care. Leave.😶

EVEN WHEN HE S PUSHED TO HIS LIMITS HE STILL NEVER MIND CONTROLS HER! ITS LIKE HE GENUINELY FEELS THAT FOR ONCE THE POWER, WHICH IS MORE LIKE A BURDEN TO HIM, IS OF NO USE HERE... N I THINK IT MAKES HIM FEEL FREE?🤗

WOW THE MUSIC IN BG WHILE YG IS FOR THE FIRST TIME SHOWING HIS EMOTIONS N OWNING THEM THAT HE IS HURT. AND DISSAPOINTED. SOOO MIND WRECKING... I CANT HELP BUT WHINE THAT THIS ISNT YET A MOTION PICTURE... IT WUD BE SO HEAVY ON EMOTIONS!!!😭😭😵‍💫🤯

No, princess YG IS BACK😭

Come here 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 THIS MAN IS TOO MUCH FOR MY HEART SIB NOOOO

I dont ask for a lot FKK HE IS SO... DIFFERENT HERE N I LOVE THISS😭✨

A night of immense pleasure IDK WHT I FEEL HERE... I MEAN IK WHT HE IS OFFERING N MY KNEES R WEAK BUT YG DO U THINK OC WUD AGREE TO IT? IN RETURN OF TALKING TO TAE? NUH UH...

Don't stop princess OK SIB U SET OUT TO KILL?🤯

THE FIRST HALF OF THIS CH IS SO WELL WRITTEN SIB!!!! DAMN U KNOW WHT U R DOING!🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

I WANTED TO WRITE A WHOLE ASS PARA ABOUT THE SECOND HALF BUT... IT SORTA PAINS ME? IDK THIS CH IS ALREADY SO HEAVY N TAE BEING IN SO MUCH PAIN N OC IN PAIN AS WELL N YG IS SO... UK ITS A MIX OF EMOTIONS.

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT... AS A WRITER... U PROVE UR MIGHT EVERY TIME🙌🏻 IK IM CONFUSED AND MY EMOTIONS FOR THIS CH ARE CHAOTIC BUT ISNT THIS ALL A PART OF WHAT U WANTED US TO FEEL? TO GET A GLIMPSE INTO THEIR HEADS? IT AMAZES ME HOW EFFORTLESSLY U MAKE US FALL INTO THEIR SHOES WITHOUT EVEN MAKING IT LOOK LIKE IT. I ADORE U SIBI💜💜💜.

-The Yelling Anon

EVEN WHEN HE S PUSHED TO HIS LIMITS HE STILL NEVER MIND CONTROLS HER!

THIS!!! This is so important!!! Like he never mind controls her and I just think this is something so entirely sexy of him to do ngng

No, princess YG IS BACK😭

hahahah i love how I just programmed us all to completely loose it the moment that word falls. 😔😔

A night of immense pleasure IDK WHT I FEEL HERE... I MEAN IK WHT HE IS OFFERING N MY KNEES R WEAK BUT YG DO U THINK OC WUD AGREE TO IT? IN RETURN OF TALKING TO TAE? NUH UH...

I meAN IN his defense :--) she has never had an entire night with him :---) perhaps he offered grandness here :---)

HAHAHAH I love how Tae's scenes just completely took you out HAHAHAH I am sorry but also this is exactly what I wanted to achieve. Truly, Tae just needs some comfort omfg please :(

But omfg plEASE STOP OMFG I'M GONNA SOB :( THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I SERIOUSLY FEEL SO FKCING HONOURED THAT YOU SPEAK SO HIGHLY OF ME :( I truly treasure it 🥺😭💗💗

#asks: sanguis alpha #asks #yelling anon #reviews

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dokyungsu · 7 years ago

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Who are some of ur favorite people here and why?

💘💘💘 HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL MY MUTUALS 💘💘💘 WROW REN LOVES YOU???? 💘💘💘 HELL YEA SHE DOES !!!!!💘💘💘

i had this in drafts for so long bc i wanted to post it on valentines like di cheesy person that i am so this is kind of like my version of sending u guys a love letter of some sort,,, flowers n chocolates all that… bc i obviously can’t send u guys flowers n chocolates irl 😣😣😣 anyways aasdjhakdkjh this is gonna be long so ima put a read more right here ♥

@zyxgf aka jackieMISS JACKIE!?!?!? uhm i say this all di time but she’s my baby girl 🤢🤢 she’s given me nothing but love n affection and laffs for di whole time we’ve been mutuals,,, 💗💓💕💖💞💗💓💕💖💞 she’s so funni n a relateable kween. giffing kween. kween of being cute… superior xingmi n exo m stan wrow… i’m always excited to see if she’s tagged me in stuff (laysoo) or if she’s messaged me or has made posts abt me or has sent me asks…. like she’s rly one of di reasons i love being here :((((( she’s so cute ohhhh my god.. also she sends me death threats abt yixing pls dw jackie i won’t steal ur man… i’ll steal U from ur man.. 😣😣😣 i’ll make him lose his balance n sweep u away 👀👀👀 i also lowkey wished we talked but ajsdbkjashdkj

@exoistheuniverse aka ali (formerly sooweetlies a god-tier url wow)ALI IS THE SOFTEST MUTUAL EVER !!!!!!!! AND ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE KSOO-LS :(((( everytime i think of her i think about cotton candy and clouds and penguins and ksoo :((( … she’s so talented have y’ALL SEEN HER EDITS??? AND GIFS?? AND HER CUTE KSOO ICONS !!!! when will i ever… her voice is also di cutest… she always sends me love asks and asdhkas honestly how can i ask for more when she gives me di Most… pls i have a lot of love in my hort for her i always wish her the best n hope that she’s always happy 😣😣😣

@pcys-l aka rimi (formerly loeysoul i mean its true loey is in her soul)RIMI di LOve of my LIFE!!!!!! the first ever mutual i talked to because we both cried abt bruise 🤕🤕 meme queen, is Nasty in her tags abt pcy 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ THINKS I’M UNLOYAL WHEN I’M NOT but she makes me happy n holds a special place in my hort.. I LOVE RIMI SO MUCH SHE DESORVS DI WHOLE WORLD SHE’S SO FUNNI AND HAVE MADE ME LAFF COUNTLESS OF TIMES AND I’m happy i got to be mutuals w u :(((

@yiffxing aka gabbyPREDDIEST FURRY QUEEN !! YIXING’S SEKSI SHEEP BACK-UP DANCERS R SHAKING !!! even tho we’ve only started talking uhhhh she’s rly di sweetest person ik 🤕🤕🤕 is trash for ksoo but i’ll let her off bc i luv her :\ the person who’ll date will b di luckiest bc uhhh she’s a whole package… fun fact: i was intimidated by gabby at first bc she was too beautiful n i thought i couldn’t b friends w her but 😣😣 I SEND HER LOVE MSGS EVERY CHANCE I GET💗💗💗💗💗💗

@kiungsoo aka livLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven’t seen her on my dash in a while bc she’s on q but i miss her :((( she a fellow twenty-four enthusiast so if u wanna slander miss twenty four u gotta go thru US !! 😤😤😤 she’s also another talented mutual :(( y’all seen her countdown bday posts for ksoo?? go check it out binch!!! go d i love liv 😩😩😩 i hope school and studying is going well for u i wish u all di best i love u 💗

@suhopps aka sunnie my SUNNIEshine (i’ve appointed u that nickname there’s lideralee no escape from it) we talked heaps before but everyone who’s… mutuals w me.. like basically everyone in this list knows i am The Worst at keeping convos 😰😰 but sunnie is so so so so sweet and soft and i love when i talk with you :((( we have so many things in common lmfao and she’s such a dramatic gay but i love it !! i always wish for your happiness and i believe that u can overcome any hardships you’re facing right now,,, i love u sunnie!!!! take care always 😙💘

@sophrosynes aka robertaI LOVE ROBERTA SO MUCH !!!!!!! I KNOW WE DON’T TALK BUT I HOPE U KNOW THAT I THINK ABT U AND HOPE THAT UR ALWAYS WELL :((( miss sophrosynes was my very first anon and honestly… she’s so thoughtful and considerate and nothing full of love and g od d dd she has a face to match her beautiful hort :(( thank u for sending me love always 💗💓💕💖💞 id die for u..

@kokobaekhyun aka jasmineY’ALL JASMINE’S A WILDT ONE Y’ALL SEEN HER TAGs??? when i thought no one can match rimi in being the Nastiest but.. ANYWAYS i love her either way 🤕🤕🤕 when she’s in soft mode it’s wholesome rly…. WE BONDED OVER MULLET!BBH BC IT’S GOD TIER AND WILL NEVER BE TOPPED anyways yea… love jas… she’s so funny n fun to talk to 😩💘 also if ur in a mood to talk about hard bbh she’S THE GIRL UR LOOKING FOR she’s always in the mood u won’t be disappointed KAJSHDjkas

@my1ady aka arelyUHMMM NOT TO START BUT SHE’S MY BIGGEST FAN :(((((( WHEN SHE TAGS ME IN STUFF??? AND HER TAGS?? heart n*t :\ I LOVE HER SO MUCH THE LOVE SHE GIVES ME???? i don’t deserve… 😞😞😞 my anons asked abt her a lot lmfao idk why adkjahskj ONE OF MY FAVORITE XINGMIS HONESTLY!! HAS A GOD TIER URL WROW… my_lady_by_exo-m.mp3 amazing.. and uh loves my man so that’s a bonus… we share mans 🤕🤕🤕 love u arely.. 💗💗💗

@byunchen aka melqueen of making me want to d*e bc of soft n sweet bbh/exo imagines :(( also queen of making me want to KERMIT SUE OF SIDE BC OF THE NSFW BBH POSTS SHE MAKES I H*TE akjdhaskdjh SHE RLY BRINGS OUT THE BBH-L IN ME :\ ALSO MY FELLOW TRIPLE STAN??? VALID ! she’s full of nothing but love and AHHHHHHH I LOVE U MEL !!!!!!!! 💗💓💕💖💞

@exosvisual aka cindySHE ONE OF DI LOVELIEST XINGMIS IVE EVER MET PLEASE !!!! we cry about idol producer trainees together but mainly how hot and yixing distracting looks in all of di goddamn idol p episodes :\ I LOVE HER so much she’s rly so sweet and i’m rly glad i got to meet her :(( and also may i add that she’s… rly beautiful 😭😭😭 💗💓💕💖💞

@byunparks aka maddyMADDY WHO I BONDED WITH DURING THE 3 NIGHTS OF ELYXION !?!?!!?!!!! NEVER FUCKING FORGET !!!!! SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE I WAS TALKING AND UH we were both crying and truly losing our minds pls… i haven’t interacted with her much nowadays but she’s one of di best bbh-Ls i know n i love her… thank u for making me happy so i also wish for you happiness ily 🤧💖💖💖

@byunbread aka veraQUEEN VEWWA WHOMST I WUV SO MUCH :((((( not to b dramatic but she’s lideralee one of di best bbh blogs out there… (also random fact; she’s 179cm like… i’m so sorry baekhyun sweetie akshdakjsHDAAKJHDKJA) also uhhh queen of being di most beautiful ??? i’m not kidding :\ altho we’ve only interacted through posts and what not i rly love seeing her on my dash 🤧🤧🤧 i wish you di best for ur studies i wuv u vewwa 💕💕💕

@stanbaek aka ashleyASHLEY !!!!! A-SHE!!!-LY!!! uhm she’s is sososo sweet and her love for bbh is so so wholesome and beautiful and there’s A LOT of it :((( HER BBH BLOG CONTENT IS AMAZING AHH!!! we’ve talked a few times and she’s rly so sweet please.. 😞😞😞 honey i hope you know that you deserve to be happy 🤧🤧 i wish that you’ll always have strength when you experience days that are difficult to go through, i told u that i believe in u okay!!! i love you and i mean it 💞💞💞

@littlechefsoo aka courtneyONE OF MY FAVORTIE KSOO-LS AHH!!!!! i think courtney has been one of my oldest mutuals since i came on tumblr and she’s always been such a lovely person :(( her love for ksoo??? WHOLESOME…. i love it whenever she tags me in di tag games and even tho we’ve only interacted/talked a few times i love her 😣😣💗💗 also have y’all seen her ‘do it for him’ post and the pics were filled with suho’s tiddies from gayo daejun???? YEA MOOD. i love my fellow kyungmyeon-Ls 💖💖💖

@kyungsooslatinagf aka jossyJOSSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!??!?! i love reading her tags when she reblogs from me pls kashdkahs also another one of my all-time favorite ksoo-Ls ♥♥♥ she’s one of di few people who came to check up on me during… a hard time so thank you for that :(( a fellow shawol-L and honestly miss jossy is beautiful my gosh 😩💘 we’re both tauruses so i think we have a lot in common lmao i wanna b able to interact n talk w u more miss jossy ily 🤧🤧💖💖

#despite this post i just wanna say that i do appreciate all the mutuals that have made me laugh or smile #those especially who have interacted w me #y'all make tumblr fun n enjoyable to be in...#even if you're not tagged in this i hope u know that i love u anyways #n maybe we'll get closer in di future #🤧🤧🤧#this is just an excuse for me rly to send out love...#happy valentines day!!!!#replies #anon #valentines 18

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