#please I’m having such a shitty week this would cure me

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

GOD I just suddenly remembered a Merlin fic I read YEARS ago and I need to reread it NOW. Can anyone help me??

It was a “Arthur comes back in the modern day” fic and he and Merlin spend the whole fic trying to figure out why he’s back and then there’s like a meteor or something and the world is going to end and Arthur can’t do anything to stop it and he thinks he failed. But then he realizes he’s actually back so that Merlin has something to fight for and it’s MERLIN who has to save the world.

Is this ringing any bells for anyone?? Please help me Obi Juan whoever the fuck you are. You’re my only ho.

[itsnotgray]

twins | mark estapa

…be nice. this is the first time i’m posting a fic.

thanks for the giving me the kick to write this @hischierhaze

and @thatintrovertedwriter here’s part one!

part two will come in a bit

now goodbye while i panic over peoples reactions

in which you and mark are two hotheads

it wasn’t like people didn’t know mark. he infamously had led the big10 in penalty minutes, was a good player to go along with said stat, and was incredibly easy on the eyes.

but it wasn't that people didn’t know you, either. “y/n” or rather “sunshine” as you were more commonly called, was a bit of a household name on campus. the irony in the name? you were anything but. known for not only leading the michigan women’s soccer team in yellow and red cards, but also the big10.

so safe to say, both of you were fairly known, and for quite similar reasons. yet, no one seemed to see your relationship coming.

you guys first met at a party during welcome week. the party wasn't exclusive, per say, but it was safe to say the majority of the crowd was athletes, looking for a safe place to party, ensuring no pictures would make their way back to their respective coaches.

you had been stumbling around the kitchen, drunkenly searching for the cooler your teammate had said she had hidden in the maze-like kitchen of whatever frat house you were in. but as you turned around, ready to settle for the bud light in the living room, you spotted your bottle of vodka in the grasp of a blonde boy.

and while this wouldn’t have pissed you off normally, the bottle had “property of sunshine” boldly printed on it in sharpie, so safe to say, you were a little more than pissed.

“who the fuck do you think you are?” you screamed, shoving your finger into his chest.“woah uh-” the blonde boy tried to get out, but you kept going. “drinking someone else's bottle of alcohol?! i mean i’d get it if it didn't have a name on it, but it quite literally says “property of sunshine” but apparently you just can’t fucking read, can you?”

the boy was silent for a moment, until he laughed. “you're- you’re sunshine? isn’t that ironic.”

“ha, ha. kind of like that’s the fucking point, dumbass,” and as his mouth drops from your comment, you take the opportunity to swipe the vodka bottle from his hands. “i’d say thanks for finding my vodka, but seeing as i found you drinking it, to that i say, fuck you,” and you staggered away, lifting the bottle to your lips, the boy staring longingly after you.

mark was completely and utterly fucked, to the point where it took him a moment to realize… he didn’t even get your name.

~ the morning after

now the day after the party, you weren’t doing too hot. safe to say, you definitely should’ve let the blonde boy keep your vodka.

as shitty as you felt, by the grace of everything holy, you managed to muster up enough strength to walk to the cafe, seeking a cure to the pounding headache and extreme nausea you were nursing after your bad decisions the night prior.

however, someone you didn’t expect to see in your place of solace? the blonde boy you had screamed at the night before, tucked into the corner booth of the cafe, seemingly in a state similar to yourself.

in a split second decision, you decided to apologize for your behavior the night before, regretting (only slightly, but regret nonetheless) how you had drunkenly handled the situation.

you quickly made your way to the bar to order. “can I get a venti iced caffe mocha, and a croissant?” and then shyly added on, “and another of whatever the blonde boy in the corner is having, please.”

“trying to shoot your shot?,” the barista asked teasingly. “trying to apologize,” you muttered back, backing up to wait for your order.

once they called your name, you quickly grabbed your order. you took a deep breath, turned around, and cautiously made your way to the boy.

once you got within a foot of his table, you accidentally made eye contact with him, before holding the drink out, and quietly saying, “here… this is for you.”

he apprehensively took the drink in his hands, but before taking a sip, he spun the drink, glancing at the name on the order. “just trying to make sure it doesn’t have your name on it y/n, wouldn’t want you to scream at me again,” he let out, words laced with an emotion impossible to detect.

“that’s actually what I came over here for. I wanted to apologize for acting like that. normally if that happened, i’d just move on with my night. it just pissed me off that someone decided to take the bottle, even though I had written “property of sunshine” on it,” you said, quickly word-vomiting your thoughts out.

“I get it, I shouldn't have taken alcohol that was clearly hidden. i promise to look before drinking next time, sunshine,” he stated with a matching teasing grin and tone.

“I know it’s probably a little late for introductions, but you wouldn’t mind telling me your name, seeing as you know mine,” you questioned. “mark, mark estapa,” he responded with a grin, teasing tone now absent, replaced with what you hoped to be a more genuine tone.

and with that simple utterance, you knew you were fucking screwed.

~ weeks later

in the weeks following your conversation with mark in the cafe, you got impossibly close. if you guys weren’t hanging out on “study not-date-dates”, or having movie nights cooped up in your room, you were constantly texting, constantly talking to one another. yet, you guys never spoke about the obvious feelings the two of you had for one another, both too nervous to actually broach the subject.

until after your first game of the season.

more specifically, it was on the way back from the first game of the season. a game in which, despite the team coming out on top, and you also managing to bag a goal, you also picked up your first yellow card of the season. a teammate had even declared as much, belting out a “sunshine is back in business everybody!” as the team left the field.

unknowingly, the social media admin had clipped the moment, even including a glimpse of your cocky, but tired grin.

mark was now a little confused. of course he knew you were on the soccer team. in fact, it was one of the first things he learned about you. but the fact that the team was where the nickname “sunshine” came from? now that- that was new.

he quickly shot you a text, waiting eagerly for a response.

miles away, your phone dinged with a text tone specifically reserved for your favorite blonde haired boy. at the sound, you quickly darted for your phone.

“sunshine’s lover booooy is texting her” a teammate teased, reaching over to ruffle your hair affectionately.

you groaned at the action, before opening mark’s text

“i never asked, but why do they call you sunshine?”

and at that, you froze, instantly hit with the brutal words of a past boyfriend, “you do realize how fucking unattractive that is, right? losing your shit like that isn’t as cool as you think- it just tells people that you have serious issues, you fucking psycho.”

while you almost considered lying for a moment, you knew the truth would be better in the long run.

“last season, i led both the team, and the big10 in yellow and red cards. because of that, they thought giving me a nickname completely opposite of my attitude on the field was the funniest shit ever. it doesn't help that my personality off the field isn't too different from me on it- only true difference is that im a hell of a lot less aggressive.”

and quickly followed it up with a message reading, “I'm sorry if you don’t want to associate with me anymore. I know losing your temper constantly isn’t the most attractive thing in the world, but I can't control it. I’ll leave you alone, if that’s how you end up feeling,” before shutting off your phone, prepared to lose the boy who had managed to weasel his way into your heart the past few weeks.

mark froze for a second. there’s no fucking way the universe led him to someone exactly like him. what was it that one tiktok ethan had sent him said- twinflames? there was no fucking way.

except there was. because she was on the other side of the phone, probably freshly showered after her game (which he had seen they had won 3-0), with her hair cutely braided to the side, like she often did during their movie nights.

once he came out of his daze, he glanced down at his phone again, seeing her most recent text- “I'm sorry if you don’t want to associate with me anymore. I know losing your temper constantly isn’t the most attractive thing in the world, but I can't control it. I’ll leave you alone.”

and he panicked, quickly hitting facetime.

you glanced down at your ringing phone, seemingly in disbelief, and a little scared, at hearing the custom tone.

“I THINK YOU'RE PERFECT! you losing your shit doesn't matter to me- in fact, im the same damn way. I dont know who the hell had the audacity to shame you for your attitude while playing, but fuck them. they do not matter. they're not the ones that play the game, so they don’t have a say in how you play. you are the most kind-hearted person i know, and your heart is one of the reasons i love you. if your in-game attitude really is that big of a problem-”

and then mark froze, seeing your stunned expression. “what’s wrong baby?” noticing the nickname slip, but not drawing attention to it.

“I-i, you- i- i love you too.”

“what?”

“you said you love me, and i love you too, unless you didn’t mean i them i totally didn't eit-”

“NO- i love you baby. I’d honestly go as far as to say I've loved you since I met you. something about your fiery attitude immediately had me hooked, and as i’ve gotten to know you, i've become downright infatuated.”

both of you were now grinning at each other ear to ear, a blush rising quickly to the both of your faces.

“wanna go on a date tomorrow?” you both blurted out at the same time. “let me plan it baby, promise i’ll impress you.” “okay- its a date.”

and if mark immediately texted ethan for date ideas after you hung up the call a few minutes later- well you didn’t need to know that.

[sleepyfan-blog]

Meeting Interrupted

Author's note: This is the next part of Rotten Fate. Masterlist here. AO3

tagged: @ms--lobotomy @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan @bleedingichorhearts

warnings: body horror, loss of autonomy, manipulation, unhealthy relationship, please ask me to tag something if I've missed it/something bothers you

Summary: You decide to interrupt Typhus' Meeting with the thousand sons. What's he going to do? Make your life worse? Hah.

Once your lust dies down to the point after you can think clearly again, you mull over your current options. Your shitty “husband” calls you little Isha from time to time. Referring to the fact that you are his captive spouse that he is unable to permanently kill, nor blight with the horrific plagues and poisons of his Patron, Nurgle. What he seems to be entirely unaware of (and, good for her) is the fact that part of the reason why Isha does not attempt to escape Nurgle - other than being relatively safe from the predation of Slaanesh… Is that Isha works against Nurgle’s plots and plans by whispering the antidotes and cures that are always effective against his plagues and poisons.

While you can’t do that - Typhus doesn’t seem to make new poisons and plagues as Host of the destroyer hive - what you can do is attempt to fuck up his plans, whatever those may be. You have no idea what his plans are at the moment, but he did ask you to stay put while he parlayed with his cousin. And you can waddle your way into causing Problems for him on purpose by interrupting the meeting.

You’re also hungry as fuck, and there is no food anywhere within Typhus’ rooms. His evil bees buzz menacingly as you approach the door that leads out of his rooms, but you glare at them “Fuck off, you ugly shits. I’m hungry as hell and he didn’t leave me anything to eat. And I’m eating for at least two with-” You pat your distended belly. You can sense the little mind growing within you. The little one does not feel tainted by Chaos… At least not yet. Part of you hopes that you’ll find a way to get the child to safety, somehow.

Between Typhus’ potent psychic abilities and you being a perpetual there is no chance that the child you’re carrying won’t be a psyker of potent ability, once you give birth to them. Whether or not they are going to be a Perpetual is ambiguous to you. Neoth sired more than a few bastards before deciding to rule Humanity as a whole - or attempt to do so. Some of them were psykers. Some were Perpetual. Most, however, were neither… Though that was long before psykery became more commonplace amongst Humanity as a whole. 

The bees buzzed ominously, but apart from a full cloud of the ominous little fuckers flying around and behind you, they didn’t actually sting you this time. Which was nice, as you used a bit of psychic energy to flick the internal mechanism of the door open, through which you moved through…

The view of the hallway you were walking in was just as rank and dismal as the first time you’d seen it, having been picked up and thrown over one of Typhus’ shoulders unceremoniously… Weeks? Months? Years? Ago. You weren’t sure how long you’ve spent in Typhus’ captivity. You deliberately tried not to track the days, as the answer would only upset and distress you. You silently hoped that your crew was still alive and thriving. 

You pass mumbling cultists and tiny daemons, none of whom take notice of your passage, as you are using a little bit of Psykery to go unnoticed by the beings around you as you waddle your way over to where your captor and his Very Important Guest are either talking, posturing at one another or fighting.

Or possibly a combination of all three of them.

You can tell that you’re getting close to where Typhus is, by the way that his Evil Bees have landed on the simple white dress that you’re wearing. It’s the only piece of clothing he’s given you - you haven’t been allowed even any under things or even sandals. Which made traveling through the unpleasantly biological horror of a ship that Typhus had been gifted by his Patron a wildly unpleasant experience. 

You reached the door behind which was Ahriman and Typhus, along with at least a dozen of their brothers each. You drop the glamor, startling the four guards standing in front of it. You stare at the two Death Guard, ignoring the shifting and growling Thousand Sons. “I am going into that room, to talk to my husband. You can either step aside or open the door for me.”

“Who the fuck are you, and why are you dressed like that? How are you dressed like that and not -” One of the Thousand sons began to growl, reaching out to grab you.

You lean away from his touch “I would very strongly suggest you don’t try that again. My…  Husband’s little helpers don’t like it when strangers try to grab me. I am a Perpetual, and unable to be affected by the…” You gesture to the filth, stagnation and decay all around you “All of this unless I explicitly allow myself to be, which I don’t. Dying like this seems like a misery.”

“What do you mean by -AAahhhh! NO no no no no! Get it off, get it off, get it off of me!” The grabby Thousand Son wailed as one of Typhus’ destroyer bees landed on his out-stretched gauntleted hand, stinger poised to plunged through the armored plate. 

You snort and scoop up the angry bee, booping it on it’s snout “No. Bad bee! He didn’t do anything to try to hurt me, and stopped trying to grab me when I told him to. No stinging guests!”

The Destroyer bee buzzed unhappily in your hands, but did not sting you. You roll your eyes and settle it back on one of your shoulders. You go back to looking at the Death Guard at the door “Let me in to see my husband right now. Or I will escalate things. The Emperor of Mankind didn’t want me to stay on Terra after I left the Astartes project for a number of reasons. Do you want to find out what those are personally?” 

“... No. It’s just… Oldest Brother is in the middle of delicate negotiations and -” One of the Death Guard tried to explain.

Adorable. You kind of want to pat his helmeted head. Bless his gross, bloated hearts he’s trying. You reach up and pat one of his gauntleted arms gently “Don’t worry. I will handle my husband. I”ve done quite a few negotiations, you know. During my time as a Rogue Trader and before that. I remember what it was like during the Dark Age of Technology, though those memories are dim and distant now.” You sigh, shaking your head a little. It was a shame how things had gone to such heights, before crashing and burning so spectacularly because of the Eldari being too bored and horny so they decided to try and make a new powerful warp entity. 

“... As you say, Lady of Mercy.” Both of the Death Guard murmur, opening the door for you.

You blink a couple of times as you enter the main conference room of the massive spaceship. Lady of Mercy, hmm? That’s a new one. Did Typhus give it to you? Or did some of the others, now that you were here to distract him from some of his crueler pursuits at times? “Good boys.” You murmur distantly, patting them on the armored arm once again as you pass by.

Typhus and Ahriman are standing on opposite sides of the table, pointing and yelling at one another at considerable volume. There are a lot of very tense mutated astartes on both sides watching their eldest brothers having a go at each other, in regards to centuries if not millennia old slights and petty squabbling. 

Ah, family. Such a messy thing it often is. 

You teleport onto the table in a flash of cyan warp light, making sure to make enough sound and light to catch the attention of everyone in the room.

The yelling blessedly stops as you appear on top of the table, heavily pregnant and half-covered in Typhus’ bees. The unadorned white silk dress that fell just above your knees, the hem plunging down just far enough to give a peek at your cleavage and sleeveless, the thin straps starting to fall off of your shoulders. The pregnancy bulge of your belly quite prominent as the soft silk clings to your body,

For several seconds, there is a profound silence as the assembled Astartes process your sudden and unexpected arrival.

You allow yourself to giggle, smiling up at both Ahriman and Typhus, before demurely hiding your smile behind a hand. Your other hand coming up to cup your swollen belly, knowing that the motion would catch the attention of many in the room. “Greetings, First captain Ahriman of the Thousand Sons. I do apologize for Ty’s behavior. We were a little… Mm… Busy, when you stopped by for a visit.” You allow a demure blush to spread across your cheeks as your voice dips into a coquettish purr, your eyes going half-lidded for a moment.

The destroyer bees that were resting upon your body begin to stir and buzz, likely in response to the shifting and heightening emotions of their Host. They are the only sound being made in the room, to your unending amusement. Your incongruous presence and statements seemed to have stalled their allegedly enhanced minds. Then again Chaos rots even the best of beings. 

Before things can escalate in ways that you don’t want them to, you walk over to where Typhus is standing, needing to go up on your tiptoes to kiss his corroded helm. You stage-whisper, knowing that the enhanced hearing of all of the Astartes present will allow them to hear you, if they aren’t deaf or otherwise hard of hearing, leaning into Typhus “Hubby, dearest, the baby and I are hungry… And you never told me where you keep the safe food.” You give him what you hope is a flirty pout “So I had to come find you. Your little friends were only a bit naughty.” You murmur, gently plucking up one of the ominously buzzing bees and pressing a faux-affectionate kiss to it’s unpleasantly furry and matted body before letting it go.

It buzzed back over to Typhus, swaying and flying as if it was drunk. Your amusement only increases. 

No one else has yet to do or say a single thing. It’s as if they’ve all turned into very strange statues. You know they haven’t as you can sense their rapidly shifting minds and emotions plainly, but none of them have yet to actually react. 

It’s very funny. It’s quite possible that none of them have seen a woman in thousands of years, and even longer since they’ve seen a pregnant one. The poor dears are dreadfully caught off guard and deeply, deeply confused. At least the Thousand Sons are. The Death Guard are mostly worried.

You tilt your head up and reach for Typhus’ helm, giving him a look of mock-concern. “Darling? Husband? Sweetheart? Why aren’t you responding?” You pout more as your nimble fingers find the catches on his helmet, pressing them in before twisting and removing his helmet, revealing his face. You set it down on the table before you close your eyes, going up on your tiptoes once again and press a kiss to his flesh-cheek. You lean against his armor -which is eternally cool to the touch and wrap your arms around his neck, batting your lashes up at him, peering through them as you ask “Husband? Typhus? Ty-darling?”

Typhus continues to stare at you with glowing, rotted eyes, seemingly transfixed to the spot. He hasn’t breathed in minutes -though you’re not sure that he needs to, given his long-ago transformation into the Herald of Nurgle. 

“Who are you?” Ahriman demanded, his voice strangled and deeply confused.

“Hmm? Oh me? I’ve gone by many names, and held hundreds of titles over the course of my very, very long life. I’ve died a few times as well, but it doesn’t stick, as I am a Perpetual… After the Unification of Terra, I found myself working directly with Him for a time. As soon as the Sol system was fully conquered and He started the Rogue Trader program, I was off to the distant stars, with my first retinue in tow. I did that for several thousand years… Until honey-sweet Typhus here decided to capture me in his clever web of death and sickness. Since then I’ve been his wife, per his decision.” You sigh. 

“You… A perpetual… One who has worked alongside the Carrion Emperor? How much… How much knowledge of Psykery do you possess? What could you teach those of us interested in the Arcane arts? Surely you would rather be around more psykers, rather than the fetid stink of Nurgle’s chosen Bastards?” Ahriman breathed, avarice in his voice “I would be more than willing to play the role of -”

“Don’t. You. Dare finish that sentence, you two-faced deceiver!” Typhus growled thunderously, two of his tentacles swiftly slid out from wherever he usually keeps them and wrapped securely around your body, carefully supporting the weight of the baby in your belly. He pulls you tightly to his chest, making sure not to squash your belly against his armor. “I have listened to your endless whining and plots about finding some ridiculous library that may not even exist for too long! Begone from this ship, you will have no aid from the Death Guard. If you refuse to leave, I will have you removed by force.”

Ahriman’s glare intensified “I was not speaking to you, Typhus, but the Psyker you are holding captive. Gods above only know why she seems to actually be sweet on you, though I suppose that honey of yours can addle even the greatest of minds.” His gaze shifts to you “Should you wish to leave this fetid, stinking bastard and his army of undead thralls, call for me and I shall whisk you away from all of this pungent suffering and treat you in the way that a psyker of your age and experience should be.”

With that, the first captain of the Thousand Sons sent out a psychic pulse. A moment later he and all of his brothers vanished from Typhus’ ship. 

“... Awfully dramatic fellow, isn’t he?” You murmur, an amused grin appearing on your face as you look up at Typhus, trying to get a read on his emotional state. It’s difficult, with the walls that he’s put up. 

“... You wouldn’t leave me for him would you?” Typhus asked, his voice surprisingly small and unsure. 

You blink, throw your head back and laugh “Go with him? Please. The endless machinations of his Patron and underlings would have me in a murder-loop within the week. Would I rather be able to wander freely throughout realspace on my ship, the one you took me from? Yes. But him? Hahahaha. No. His patron is far too capricious for my tastes.” You give him a little kiss on the cheek, for emphasis. 

“... I see. You mentioned being hungry, my flower?” Typhus rumbled, sounding calmer.

“Yes! Also, hand please. Unarmored.” You instruct, grabbing at one of his hands, which he gives you. It takes you a moment to take the gauntlet off, and you carefully grab the fleshy fingers of his hand, pressing them against your belly.

The little one in your belly gently kicks against the press, and Typhus gasps.

“Oh! Hello, little one. I am your papa… I am so excited to meet you, when you’re ready to enter the world.” Typhus murmured, his glowing eyes widening with awe and delight. He clicks his fingers and points at one of his brothers “Pestilan, get my wife food. The rest of you, clear this room and check to make sure those treacherous sorcerers didn’t leave any nasty surprises left for us to find for denying them their wants.”

“Yes sir!” The other Death Guards murmur at the same time, swiftly leaving the room.

[coffeel0l]

Best Friend-Sung Hanbin

——————————————————————————

!Warnings!: nsfw 18+ mdni!! Best friends to lovers, hair pulling (minor), handjob, grinding (no clothes), nipple play,make out, no protection used at all, marks(hickies and bite marks, barely mentioned), sub!Hanbin comes later! I think that’s all lmk if I missed any!

Now enjoy my 1st fic on here!

Late night drives with your best friend we’re the best cure to a shitty week, or in your case brake up. On this particular evening your best friend hanbin had just announced that he would be debuting in a new and upcoming kpop group ZeroBaseOne, he had been in a survivor tv show and of course you are super proud of him but you just weren’t able to be happy for him after you boyfriend dumped you because you weren’t “good enough” for him anymore, you wanted to be happy and not show hanbin your feelings after all he finally achieved his dream of becoming an idol, he worked so hard and faced so many hardships with you to get where he finally wanted to be and you didn’t wanna ruin his mood with your shitty mood.

But knowing hanbin he was easily able to pick up on your clouded mind and the way you expressed your feelings were a dead giveaway, I mean after a 5 year long friendship who would he be if weren’t able to tell when you were going through something.

“Y/n” a deep breath came from him. “Please pull over we need to talk.” You already knew where this was gonna go but you didn’t want to upset him more then what he already seems. After pulling over on the side of the road and turning off the car, your turned your face to be met up with hanbin’s sulky face “yes hanbin?” “I know he broke up with you…why didn’t you tell me? You know that we’re best friends so why didn’t you..” “you just debuted! That’s why i didn’t wanna ruin your celebration with my shitty ass life! You deserve the best!! You’ve worked so hard for this opportunity and I just didn’t want to ruin it with me!” You yelled out in frustration, you both should be celebrating this wonderful moment together not talking about your dumbass ex.

“You don’t have to keep hiding yourself from your feelings for me!! You deserve to be happy too you know…” he whispered those last words as he looked down with hot tears rolling down his face “I just want you to be happy too y/n and stop worrying so much about me…I hate seeing you like this..” at this point he was sobbing and you felt like shit for making his feel this way. “Hanbin…I…”

“y/n I love you! Why can’t you see that!? I love you more then friends love each other I love you so much and I hate seeing you get your heart broken and then you hide yourself from me because you’re too worried about me and my feelings” you looked at him wide eyes too shocked to give him any response. Silence filled the car. Until Hanbin looked up at you, making eye contact. His eyes flickered to your lips for a splint second until he leaned forward pushing his plump lips against yours. It was messy you let him kiss you until he got frustrated and sad that you weren’t reciprocating the kiss back, he looked like a sad puppy, tears threatening to fall down his face “Hanbin I-“ he cut you off “I get it you don’t feel the same way as I do….just- let’s go and head back home”

you looked him in his teary eyes and leaned forward to kiss back his lips, his eye widened then closed as you both deepened the kiss. Things started to get heated after a while, you both pulled away for a gasp of air. Saliva still connecting you both together. “Y/n…I need you” he whined in a voice you’ve never heard from him before. Desperation.

“Hanbin not here, let me take you home before we do something that could ruin us-“ Hanbin furrowed his eyebrows “but I thought you wanted this” he pointed at both of you “did you not?…. When you kissed me I thought…” his voice started to tremble “Hanbin I love you too but I’m scared that this is something that could ruin your career I mean you just debuted and I don’t want to fuck that up for you-“ “There you go again! I want this..” he held your hand tightly “I want us so please don’t leave me.” You looked at each other.

Fuck it was all you thought as you leaned back into him, heat is all you felt from him. Tongues dancing with each other, teeth clashing, hands roaming.

“Hanbin” “yes y/n?” He played with your fingers “why don’t I take you home with me tonight?” A simple nod was all that was needed for you to take your car out of park and drive off home with Hanbin holding his hand with yours.

Hands tangled with your waist as you desperately tried to open your apartment door.

As soon as you opened your door you pushed Hanbin down to to the back of the door. Kissing his neck as you stripped him down to his boxers, you quickly stripped yourself as well and pulled him by hands towards your bedroom. You gently pushed him down onto your bed “Are you sure you want this Hanbin?”

He looked at you needy before giving a soft “yes”

You wasted no time before hastily pulling down his boxers to take them off of him, you gently squeezed his dick before sliding your hand up and down him.

“Ngh..y-y/n please go faster~” he stuttered out to you. You quickened your pace on him, after a while you could tell he was close by the way his hips started to buck and stammer into you hand, just as he moaned out loud, you quickly pulled your hand away “ugh y/n why’d you do that I was so close” he hiccuped “well would you have rather cummed on my hand or in my pussy?” “Still not fair” he pouted.

You stood up to take off your bra and underwear then sat on top of Hanbin. You started to grind onto his dick. Your wet pussy pushing against his slick dick. You kissed Hanbin’s lips for a bit then kissed down his jawline to his neck then when you got to his chest you attached your lips onto his nipples earning a sharp hiss from the male beneath you, you sucked harshly onto one nipple while playing with other, leaving pretty little marks onto his skin, all that could be heard in your room was Hanbin’s whining and moans along with skin rubbing against each other.

You coaxed his nipples with your saliva , you moved away from his chest to look at the state you put Hanbin into, hair messy and disheveled, saliva dripping down his mouth, lips puffy from making out, his chest was covered in pink and purple marks,nipples with bite marks , you were admiring your work until Hanbin pulled you back down onto him.

Enough teasing you thought.

You lowered your hips down and positioned your pussy to line up with his cock and slowly sunk down onto him. “Ngh~ y/n please go- go faster I want you so bad please baby~” he whined out to you, upon his request you tried your best to get used to his size “fuck y/n your pussy is so tightly wrapped around me- p-please start I want to feel your tight pussy around me please- mommy ~” you looked at him with wide eyes before he showed the same expression upon realizing what he just said to you “shit I’m sorry y/n you can stop if you think that’s weird me calling…you that” you pushed a finger on his lips to shush him “Hanbin I love you and I don’t think it’s weird calling me that” he looked up at you

“Now why don’t you be a good boy and hold onto mommy while she takes good care of her baby” you whispered into his ear “okay” he softly said

You started off in a slow pace, moving slowly up and down on him, wanting to try to savor the moment with Hanbin but he started to get impatient and whiny so you pulled him by his hair “I told you to be a good boy and good boys are patient and behave in order to get their treat” “sorry sorry mommy I’m so sorry give me one more chance and I’ll be your good boy I promise ~” he moaned out “okay fine one more chance and this time I won’t forgive you for being a little brat” you quicken your pace, bouncing up and down on his dick. At some point Hanbin started to rub your clit bringing you closer to your limit. “Mhm f-fucking shit I’m close baby” all Hanbin could do was moan back at your response, you were both close at the point. The tightness you were feeling snapped when he rubbed your clit one last time before you came on him, shortly after riding your high he came inside you as well.

Heaving chests rising and breathlessness was all that could now be heard from you two. You slid out of him only to lay back down next him.

Gently rubbing his hair and cuddling him was all you could do for him since he seemed to fucked out to do anything else but just stare into your eyes.

“I love you y/n” was the last words he said before closing his eyes shut.

——————————————————————————

Yay 1st fic on here!!! I hope you somewhat enjoyed it!Towards the end my mind went blank so sorry I wasn’t able to tie the ending in a nice bow, but I’ll try better in the future <3<3 leave a note if you enjoyed, I will deeply appreciate it ☹️💗

Please do not steal or repost my work to any other social media platforms, as I work very hard on each one Thank you💗

[love-and-greta]

Bubble Bath

The newest addition to my collection of Josh fluff. Enjoy :)

Warnings: mainly fluff, some nudity (18+ please and thank you)

____________________________________________

For the fourth time this week, you sat alone at the dining table eating dinner for one, staring at the empty place setting across from you. You knew it wasn’t Josh’s fault that he had to stay late working in the studio recently, but knowing that didn’t help to cure the loneliness you’d been feeling.

One more week of this, and the album should be done. You thought to yourself. You can do this. Just one more week.

You glanced at the door one last time before deciding to clean up, and headed to bed.

The next week dragged on and your decision to work some overtime to help pass the time only made you more exhausted and mentally drained. Once again, you were dreading your evening alone at home, so you decided tonight you would do a little self care to try to pep up some.

You were just finishing making dinner when you heard your phone ring. Knowing Josh would most likely get stuck working late in the studio again, you assumed he was calling to tell you he wouldn’t make it home to eat with you.

“There’s my sweet girl,” Josh sighed as you answered the phone. “How are you doing today babe?”

“Honestly? Shitty. I’m feeling pretty worn out. I’m gonna take a bath after dinner and go straight to bed.” Normally you opted for optimism when talking to Josh, knowing he struggled with the separation as well, but you didn’t try to hide the exhaustion in your voice now.

There was a small pause before Josh spoke again. “I know this has been a long couple of weeks. But I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” The disappointment in his voice was palpable, making you feel slightly guilty for feeling the way you did.

“Please don’t worry about me J. I know it’s not your fault,” you spoke softly. “I’m just very ready for you to home with me. I miss my cuddle buddy…”

“I miss you too Birdie,” Josh replied quietly. “Listen, I have to go, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, see you soon…”

“I love you y/n.”

“I love you too J…” You put down your phone, turned your attention back to your food, and slowly ate your meal, eyes glued to the plate, not once glancing across the table to the empty chair.

You moved around the kitchen in a daze after eating, cleaning up the mess you had made while cooking. As you finished up at the kitchen sink, you were pulled from your exhausted state by the sound of running water. You glanced at the faucet questioning whether you had actually turned it off or not, when you realized it was coming from down the hall. You hesitantly peered down the hall from the safety of the archway leading into the kitchen and saw white rose petals making a path into your bedroom. Your favorite flower.

Josh.

How on earth did he get in without you hearing him, you thought to yourself. Despite your confusion, you couldn’t help but run into your bedroom to see if he was really there. You froze, taking in the scene before you. The room was cast in a soft glow by candles that had been scattered all around and rose petals were strewn across the bed. Music was playing softly from the record player in the corner. Josh must have come straight home after our phone call and snuck in without me seeing, you guessed. You couldn’t help the tears that formed in your eyes from discovering this surprise. Your heart swelled at the thought of Josh doing this for you, despite him having a ton of work to do in the studio. You heard the floor board creak and quickly spun around.

“Hey Birdie.” Josh stood in the bathroom doorway with a bouquet of flowers, a small smile spreading across his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes.

“Josh, what are you doing here?” You asked breathlessly, taking a few steps towards him.

“I miss you, you miss me,” he replied, his smile widening. “Plus I would be stupid to miss an opportunity to take a hot bath with my incredibly sexy girlfriend.”

“Yeah that would be pretty stupid of you,” you giggled, grabbing onto Josh’s shirt and pulling him towards you. You peeked over his shoulder into the bathroom to see a similar setting as your bedroom. Again, candles were glowing from every possible surface and rose petals were floating amongst the many bubbles in the bathtub.

“You did all of this for me?”, you wondered aloud.

Josh pushed your body back slightly to look into your eyes. “Of course I did Birdie. I know it’s hard sometimes when I’m away, so I wanted to do something nice for you, to show you how much I appreciate all your support. You deserve it babe.” Josh kissed your lips softly and laced his fingers into yours.

“Now let’s get into that tub while it’s still hot,” Josh smiled and pulled you into the bathroom.

He placed you in front of the mirror and stood behind you, placing a soft kiss on the exposed bit of skin just between your neck and shoulder. He began to slowly unbutton the front of your blouse, pulling it open to reveal your lace bralette.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” Josh muttered softly, slowly skimming his fingers across your stomach. “You deserve the world y/n.”

You leaned your head back against his chest, sighing at the gentle touch. Josh peppered kisses along your now bare shoulders and reached down to unbutton your trousers. The slow seductive pace in which he pulled your trousers and lace underwear down sent shivers throughout your whole body. You watched Josh’s now hooded eyes drinking you in through the mirror, as he slowly ran his hands up from your outer thighs to the back of your bra.

“May I?”, Josh asked, grabbing onto the clasp to unfasten it.

You nodded you head slowly, not wanting to disturb the intimate energy in the room. You could tell Josh needed this just as much as you did. His need to touch you, to feel your soft skin on his fingertips, was very evident by the look of pure lust and adoration in his eyes.

Once Josh had you completely undressed, you turned to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck to return the favor. You began by taking off his long beaded necklace, placing it on the counter behind you. Josh lifted his arms to help you take his crewneck off and watched you as you unlatched his belt buckle. You placed a soft kiss on his navel before pulling down his pants and boxer briefs. Josh pulled you up, immediately cupping both sides of your face, touching his forehead to yours.

“I’ve missed this so much,” Josh whispered against your lips.

Not being able to hold back any longer, you crushed your lips against his, kissing him deeply. Josh moaned quietly, pulling you in even closer, moving his lips to the sensitive spot just below your ear.

“Let’s get into the bath now, yeah?”, you managed to mutter. You could feel Josh’s lips pull into a smile as he gave you one last kiss.

“Okay, okay.” Josh stepped into the tub, and pulled you into a seated position right between his legs. You leaned back onto his chest, sighing at the feeling of the warm water on your skin. The stress of the previous few weeks slowly began to melt away as you relaxed into Josh’s body. You closed your eyes, soaking in the feeling of Josh’s fingertips making slow trails up and down your arms.

“I could spend a lifetime here in this bath with you Birdie,” Josh hummed against your cheek.

“And what’s stopping you?”, you answered softly.

Josh ran his fingers down your left arm, slowly lacing his fingers into yours. He brought your hand up to his mouth, brushing your ring finger against his lips.

“Absolutely nothing mama…”

[sock-to-the-third]

Between Death And A Possible Future:

Queer Writing on Growing Up with the AIDS Crisis

[Essay Anthology]

TW: mentions of sui*cide, self*harm, homophobia

. . .

Essays I Read:

Relationship to Fear by EJ Cole [71]

From the Inside: One Prisoner’s Perspective by Timothy Jones [78]

To Make A Whore Of by Emily Stern

Please, We All Gonna Get it: Trans Women on Inevitability, Health Care and the Cure by Rory Elliot with Alyssa Pariah and Gaysha Starr [186]

Elders by Miranda Recht [247]

General Note: these essays could get pretty intense. I was expecting them to be more informative rather than the use of telling then in a narrative fashion so I only could get through about six of them.

. . .

Relationship to Fear

by EJ Colen

This happened in all the stories but the misinformation really colored so much if this one. Like, Colen goes to this doc to get a papsmear. Guy already trying to turn her away from getting an HIV test because she’s not having sex with men. Then, she asks about a papsmear and then uses the same excuse like, dude! WTF?? I know I shouldn’t be surprised how fucked up doctors are. Like I’ve transitioned but not like that. Sheesh!

Also the doc entirely neglected to ask when doing the HIV screening about drug history. Like… that’s terrifying. Like even in the schools it was rampent.

*shivers* and the psychological effects, oof. I’m not sexually active but I can’t imagine how it’d be like that hooking up with people with that in the back of your mind. Or just like.. ever seeing a doctor.

. . .

From the Inside: One Prisoner’s Perspective

by Timothy Jones

“The few times aids was discussed, it was always somber tones and tinged with fear, as if discussing it for too oong would bring the silent killer into our midst.” [pg78]

“Most of us did not get tested because if we did have it, we did not want to know.” [pg79]

The “silent killer” quote really hits home what it feels like reading it. It reminds me of the casual way I’ve had friends from shitty situations talk about their upbringing in a matter of fact way. Like, at a certain point you gotta just let it be there and not make it small or not let it be the thing-that-shall-not-be-named.

The whole perspective of Jones in prison was alot. From the way you coild be labeled as “infected” with HIV simplying by going to medical too iften, losing weigut or looking unhealthy [pg80].

Another thing that sounds stressful af is how long the tests took back then. Waiting weeks for it to come back and trying not to think about it.

I already knew a bit about how people with advanced HIV to AIDS and how AIDS related complications killed the immune system so they got everything, looking like skin and bone. The sores and the inability to heal or bathe especially stuck with me. The portrayals I’ve seen in media mostly made them skinny, not painful.

. . .

To Make A Whore Of

By Emily Stern

TW: threat of suicide by loved one (Stern’s gf)

With all the media I’ve seen around the AIDS crisis, I forget that woman also got it.

Stern’s essay centers around their mother contracting it, trying to get their mother help, their own research and their own queer experience.

It was so heartbreaking seeing how many pamphlets that Stern set in the bathroom for her mother to find, hoping she’d have safer sex and get tested for HIV. Even leaving condoms. Like fuck dude, teenagers shouldn’t have to play medics but sometimes life gives you the raw end of the stick.

Aurora (Stern’s GF) also was quite a bit. Like it’s right after Stern’s mom had Ster move in to help take care of her. Her illness had progressed and she contracted an incurable illness due to the immuno compromised system. Then Stern’s mom finds out and kicks her out wielding a spoon. So Stern gets an apartment with Aurora and they seem all cute but yeah… Aurora isn’t doing swell self-esteem wise and the prospect of Stern leaving her is…

I’m not giving details but it’s hard to read cuz your heart goes out to them but damn, when you’re not a mental health professional, not much you can do.

I think I want to research SH in terms of relationships in the future. I didn’t entirely understand why Aurora would do that to make Stern stay.

. . .

Please, We All Gonna Get It: Trans Women on Inevitability, Health Care and the Cure

by Rory Elliot with Alyssa Pariah and Gaysha Starr

Okay, so I did read this section but I didn’t take notes so this is mostly from memory.

Pariah and Starr are both POC and transwomen.

As much as their experience of the crisis was interesting, admittedly, their discussions of their drag mothers and found families drew me in. The way that a drag mother would pass on knowledge and keep the newbies in their home safe.

I also found the way that they just assumed everyone had HIV without a test.

Another thing, Gaysha talked about a Doctor’s office that was run mostly by gay men who did HIV related care and damn, do I wish we had some more of those. World would be a helluva healthier if communities could do healthcare for themselves. Docs outside of the queer community sure as hell taking their sweet time catching up.

. . .

Elders

By Miranda Recht

Recht’s writing mostly starts with their Uncles dying of AIDS related complications. Recht is seen as infected at their Catholic School and no prayer over the intercom.

There’s this striking passage when their teacher points out that Recht has been traumatized by the experience of losing their uncles, then they’re like “but I barely knew him” and her parents belittle the experience.

Like wow. That is one helluva childhood experience to inform your adult life.

Later on, the Uncles’ friends “reenact outrageous scenes from my uncle’s brief life was almost impossible to reconcile. That he had been loved, and dearly, was the only obvious thing” [251].

Recht discusses her time at the needle exchange program, wanting to help with doing HIV testing but reliving that history would be too much in the education process so doesn’t get certified.

. . .

That’s all I’ve read so far. It’s an amazing book and I def reccommend it. But yeah… don’t read it in one go with consecutive days of reading cuz it’s… alot. I’m planning on returning to it after a break.

[pwblogarchive]

April 2002

April 2, 2002

“it’s an amazing relief”

the morning you wake up and realize you are just as shitty of a person as they all thought.

i laughed out loud.

April 2, 2002

“bat those suicide eyes that make me so crazy.”

there’s a part of me that secretly hoped my plane would crash, killing me instantly on impact- the drama proves irresistable. i need some kind of hook to drag me out of it- some hook to drag me straight to hell. do not pass go. do not collect 200 dollars.

i have the same dream every night.

please wait up for me tonight.

April 9, 2002

“and i don’t have the right stuff”

you threw away something perfect, now watch me do the same- i’ll show you just what a vindictive asshole i can be. someday this will all be funny.

i think all this is driving me insane. and the funny thing about my mom making me go talk to this doctor is i find myself lying to him so he doesn’t think i’m too wierd. on top of that everytime he suggests that something might be a problem in my life, i make it one i magnify it- just so he doesn’t feel dumb. i want to grab him and say don’t waste my time just give me pills that make me feel not so alone.

i’m sorry. my wrists are sore from being thought about too much. and maybe i’m not so trustworthy.

April 15, 2002

“i want to fall in love tonight”

lots of stuff to report- we are actually practicing on tuesday. we have a show at rubes may 10 with Figure Four. we will do a full u.s. tour this summer. i have been writing for a new e.p. simply titled “Girls” which we will hopefully record this fall, on it at least: death to the last romantic, (farewell to)a switchblade love affair, and the don juan complex. the new stuff is way different, better in my mind. check back for more info.

a lyrical sampling to get you in the mood:

the don juan complex- my heart is fast and broken in the back of vans, our limbs are tired and clumsy between these sheets. i choked on “please save me” just before i tasted her lips- she never heard a sound. i’ll die in the corners of this kitchen at every party. oh god, this is such a drag and my wrists are sore from being thought of too much. one thousand friday nights- no love is safe. you can’t imagine what you’d wish for if you remembered every single wasted moment twenty-two times. one thousand friday nights- no love is safe. i’ll begin my last note: “i’m sorry mom, i tried, but noone should ever feel this way. and i’m sorry girls but i’m still an awkward boy and you can’t make me not alone.” and end it: “p.s. i hate you”.

see you soon.

pete

April 24, 2002

“did i mention that i’m real?”

i’m confused. i am 22 and i have no masterplan. sleeping in the bedroom that i grew up in is wearing thin but i have no urge to move on. i keep making the same mistakes with the same people and they keep letting me start over. you would think they’d know better by now. i think sometimes people forget there is real person here. i know i do.

i think i’m gonna make friends with my friends enemies. it seems like maybe we hate the same people.

trouble loves me- why don’t you?

pete

April 29, 2002

“‘most people go through life in a kind of quiet desparation’ voltaire”

ash grey clouds block the sky, ensuring that God won’t see my thoughts.

the ultimate peeping tom.

the calls of vultures are cloaked as sparrows and mockingbirds.

i can tell the difference.

she takes a drag off of a lonely cigarette. and this reminds me of how i sometimes feel like if she makes it there i will storm the gates and torch the place.

this is how i spend my first night in hell.

the rest of the week will be spent filling out online personality tests.

i cheat. i take them until i get the personality i like.

monday is for self-sabotage.

i have the cure’s “pornography” on repeat in my head constantly to remind me that this is okay.

the pillbox resembles the barrel of a gun.

MTWTHFSSU

i imagine that these bullets i am swallowing are you- one for everyday of the week i feel alone.

tuesday is for not living up to my potential.

tragedy and turbulence are beautiful.

wednesday is for avoiding friends phone calls.

well maybe not beautiful but at least inevitable.

thursday is for staying up all night and regretting the past three days.

do you ever miss the sun at night or only despise it for abandoning you.

it’s so fucking fickle.

imagine a corpse that is bored with it’s own funeral.

this is me.

friday is spent sleeping off thursday.

i know you don’t read this.

but a part of me still hopes you do.

saturday night is spent alone by the phone- god i wish it was wednesday.

at this point i switch from the cure to bjork’s “hyper ballad”- this is the soundtrack to who cares?

sunday is spent wishing i will wake up someone different on monday.

her perfume is a mix of cigarettes and post-coital sweat.

but somehow it only reminds me of how the people at the crucifixion must have felt.

satisfied but desperate and somehow unaware of what they had just created.

[kindahoping4forever]

My Drug Is My Baby // Ashton Irwin

Thank you to everyone for your patience - I wrote and teased this story quite a while ago but I’ve unfortunately had some real life matters keeping me away from Tumblr. So it fits that I’m back with somewhat of a comfort fic (with a dirty edge because obviously) 😌. No big backstory, I was in a shitty mood, decided a horny smoke sesh in Ash’s backyard was the only cure and I wrote this surprisingly easily (for me). Thanks to @cal-puddies​​​​ for assuring me that this wasn’t just a “me” fantasy (lol) and for cheering me on in the form of copious clown emojis in the comments section of Google Docs.🤡🤡🤡🤡

Warnings: A boyfriend!Ash fic featuring weed smoking, mention of masturbation and sex toys, dirty talk, brief manual and oral stimulation of a female, dry humping, cum play

Word count: 3300

Masterlist // Ko-Fi and New 2021 Taglist linked above

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

You close your eyes, stretching out on the patio lounger and losing yourself in the music pouring from the bluetooth speaker on the table next to you. The cool night air blows across you and you surprise yourself with the volume of the pleased sigh you let out; it could just be the state you’re in but you swear it’s the best thing you’ve ever felt.

It’s only Tuesday but you’ve already absolutely had it with this week and all day the only thing you could think about was getting home, getting off and getting high. You’d hoped to tackle those last two items on your checklist with your boyfriend but just as you were pulling into the driveway, he texted saying he'd be home late.

You felt disappointed but adaptable and made a nice little evening for yourself: you ordered dinner from that Italian place only you like, indulged in a hot shower that went on for far too long and spent some quality time with your favorite vibrator. To close out your evening, you threw on your panties and one of Ashton's hoodies and headed out back to have a smoke in his “garden.” 

It’s not much, just a few pots with flowers and vegetables, but he’s so fucking proud of it, especially since you’ve helped him spruce it up with string lights and furniture, you’ve come to love it as much as he does.

You sigh again as the breeze continues to tickle your skin and you wiggle your toes, trying to decide if your bare legs are actually chilly or if you're just sensitive from your high. You're pretty sure you saw a blanket by the door but that seems super far away right now so instead you just hug your knees to your chest and try to fit them inside your oversized sweatshirt.

"Thought I heard a party back here," a voice teases from across the yard. 

You turn to look behind you, delight decorating your face. "I didn't hear the car pull up!" You consider running over to him and leaping into his arms but again, that seems like a lot of work so instead you just sit up on your knees, pucker your lips and wait.

Ashton chuckles, bounding over to plant a soft kiss to your impatient mouth. "Mmm, you taste sweet," he comments.

"Oh! I saved some for you," you exclaim, offering him the three-quarters eaten bag of kettle corn you've been snacking on.

He snorts and shakes his head but still dips inside for a handful. "Midnight snack in the garden and about 20 minutes ago I got five different messages that had no words but roughly three dozen kiss emojis… my love, are you high?" He spots your pipe on the table and turns it over in his hands, exaggeratedly inspecting. 

"Why, you jealous?" You giggle as you swipe it back from him.

"A little," he laughs, running a hand over your face and grinning as you melt into his touch. "Had a bit of a day myself."

You pout at his statement, yanking him down into another kiss, mewling as his beard scratches your face. "I was thinkin’ about packing another bowl, come smoke with me, tell me about it,'' you insist.

“Planned on it when I heard you back here,” he smiles. “Might need to go in and grab us another snack though, evidently.”

You stick your tongue out at him. "Oh wow, you're right, I am super sweet," you observe distractedly, now happily licking your own lips. 

Ash laughs joyfully, settling into the chaise opposite yours. You start off asking softball questions about each other’s day, wanting to save the bigger complaints for later, when the high can take the edge off. In between anecdotes, there’s that comfortable silence you always love falling into with him. The two of you are thinkers as well as talkers and sometimes you need to collect your thoughts before you launch into the next topic; you love that you both recognize and appreciate that need. You also love the chance to just observe your man, love watching his wheels turn as his mind works, love taking him in, marveling that he exists in your world.

Tonight you find yourself fascinated as he takes the supplies off the table and gets to work, fingers reaching into the stash jar to break off pieces of the bud, long hair falling in his face as he methodically loads them into the grinder. You can’t take your eyes off him, the metallic cylinder seeming to disappear in his large hands, veins becoming visible as he grips it, arms tensing and tattoos flexing as he twists, offering you a soft smile when he notices your gaze.

He stretches in his chair, trying to reach the pipe near you. It takes a minute to register that you should hand it to him, you’re caught up thinking about how big he looks leaning across the table, how his t-shirt pulling across his chest like that makes you want to bury your face in it, how warm it’d be, how safe and content you would feel.

Ashton gently says your name, breaking you from your reverie and gesturing towards the pipe.

You grab the glass piece and happily plop onto his chair to hand it to him, pecking him on the cheek for good measure. He chuckles at your eagerness, shifting to make room for you; he watches amusedly as you attempt to find a sitting position opposite him that is both comfortable and allows you to cover yourself with your hoodie.

“You know you’d probably be warmer if you didn’t come out here pantsless, baby.”

“You know I don’t believe in pants after 11pm, I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing,” you reply with playful indignance, looking up at him triumphantly as you successfully bring the sweatshirt down over your crossed legs.

He cackles as he packs the ground weed into the bowl; he nudges your knee, which you correctly assume is his way of asking for the lighter he knows is in your hoodie pocket. You hand it to him and watch as he lights up and starts to take his first couple hits. 

You intended to pay more attention - admire his lips wrapping around the mouthpiece, his fingers flicking the lighter, let yourself be awed at how small your pipe looks in his hand - but you got distracted at the sight of his thick thighs as he sits cross-legged in his favorite basketball shorts. You think to yourself you don’t appreciate Ashton’s legs enough and reach out to tenderly rub your palms over them, humming contentedly when you find his skin as warm and comforting as you imagined.

“Baby...” He squeezes your hand on his thigh, refocusing your attention as smoke pours from his mouth. “You’re in a mood tonight, aren’t ya?” You can tell by his sing-songy tone and goofy smile he’s already starting to relax.

“Been thinkin’ bout relaxing with you like this all day,” you say dreamily. He offers you the pipe and you take it, practically purring when he sneaks his hands inside your sweatshirt and strokes over your legs while you smoke like you did with him. “Just happy you’re home and here with me.”

Ash pulls you into a slow kiss, tongue moving in the same delicate pattern his fingers are tracing on your thighs. “I missed you too, baby,” he admits as he pulls away. “You know I try not to be a downer but it was one of those days where I couldn’t help thinking it would’ve been better if we’d just shut off our alarms and stayed in bed together.”

“God, fucking same,” you commiserate, taking one more puff before passing the pipe back to him. “Tell me what happened.”

The two of you go back and forth trading stories, the pipe and every so often, a kiss. After a while, he decides to pack one more bowl and you lean back opposite him on the chair as he sets up again. You look at the stars, smiling to yourself as the combination of your high, the breeze and the sound of Ash quietly singing along to your playlist makes you shiver. Today was hard but if it’s what you had to go through to end up here in this moment? It was worth it.

You sit up on your elbows when you hear the spark of the lighter. You watch him take a long drag from the pipe and you’re not sure what it is but he just looks so goddamn beautiful, you find yourself overcome. Before you even realize what you’re doing, you crawl over to him and bury your face in the crook of his neck.

He giggles softly, sitting the pipe aside as you attach your mouth to his neck, giving him what could either be three hundred quick kisses or just three long ones, you’re not sure, your lips seem to be moving of their own accord and really all you’re thinking about in this moment is how much you wish the beard burn you’re feeling on your face was between your thighs.

“You good, baby?” He asks with a slight rasp in his voice, which you suspect is partly from his long day but also perhaps an indication he’s beginning to feel needy for you too. You take a detour to nip at his ear for a second before you kiss your way down his neck again; you work your mouth over the front and you moan when your tongue feels the vibrations of the soft moan he lets out.

You climb into his lap, straddling him and he stretches out his legs to accommodate you. You wrap yourself around him, in a kind of koala hug for a beat or two before quietly murmuring, “Been thinkin’ bout this all day too.” You offer him a deep, passionate kiss that tells him how much you need him, today, everyday and right now this fucking minute.

Ash waits for your lips to slow and then he pulls away, cradling your face, looking into your eyes, searching. His hazel eyes are gorgeous as always but blown wide from smoking; you know yours must look similar but you can tell he sees the love in them, can sense your hunger. He makes out with you for a few minutes, following your lead, waiting to see how far you want to take this.

Your kisses are becoming increasingly heated, increasingly filled with need and he decides to have a little fun with you. His hands run down your back and land on your ass, affectionately rubbing over your hoodie covered backside as he cheekily replies, “Thinking about me all day, huh? What exactly you been thinkin’ about all day?”

A naughty grin spreads across your face. You love playing this game with him. “Started this morning when I had to drag myself out of bed even though I had you naked next to me,” you start, leaning into another slow kiss before you pull back just slightly, staying close enough that your lips brush against his while you speak. “You looked so good when you told me goodbye, laying there half-asleep, cock more awake than you were. Wished I’d taken the time to slip you inside me, started off my day by feeling you get hard for me.” You begin grinding into his lap to emphasize your point.

Ashton licks over your lips, squeezing your ass approvingly as you move over him. “If you’d have done that, I guarantee neither of us would’ve left the house today,” he laughs sinfully. “What else, baby?”

Your hands brush over his bearded cheeks. “Every time I saw my reflection today I expected to see the marks your beard leaves - every weekend I just get so used to seeing my neck and chest so red… I miss it when we have to go back to reality,” you sigh, leaning back on your hands as you grind, exposing your neck, whining a little as he takes the bait and sucks a few spots on your skin, purposefully dragging his beard on you.

“Like that, baby?” He eggs you on, helping you ride him over his shorts, hands now roaming your ass over your panties, your hoodie having ridden up from your movements. “You want to know something I thought about today?” Suddenly his fingers are firmly gripping you and he gently lifts his hips up against your center, meeting your hips a few times to show you how hard you’ve made him.

You nod, gasping as you feel the swollen head of his cock rub directly over your clit, just two thin pieces of fabric separating you. Weed always makes you sensitive but you can’t believe how you can feel yourself already soaking through your underwear, making them feel even thinner than they already are.

You can tell Ash notices it too, his fingers moving down your ass, inching closer to your pussy, clearly having felt the wet spot you’re spreading on his shorts and wanting to feel it for himself. “Mind was wandering while I sat in traffic… thought about that time we got caught in that big jam driving home from the airport? Been so long since I’d seen you… you didn’t want to delay our reunion any longer so you started jerking me off right there,” he remembers, breath heavy. 

For a brief second you think he might pick you up and take you inside, fuck you against the glass door or maybe on the table in the entryway. But instead he keeps moving his hips with yours, biting his lip as the friction builds. "Got so hard remembering your lips wrapping around my cock just as I started to cum… I was so sure someone was going to see us but you couldn't give less of a fuck… Jesus, baby, you're dripping." His fingers dance over the wetness that’s spread down to your thighs and you breathe his name as he stills and pulls your panties to the side, sliding his fingers through your folds.

You brace yourself on his shoulders as he teases your clit. “Thought about you all day, Ash... was so ready to let you have me however you wanted as soon as I got home… but then you weren’t here… had to do it myself, think about you some more.” You’re not sure if you’re making sense but you’re so far gone you don’t really care and judging by the look on his face as he watches you grind into his hand, he doesn’t either.

“Saw your vibe on the nightstand, wondered what I’d missed out on,” he laughs, pressing your clit a few more times before bringing his fingers to his mouth and licking them clean. “Might have to ask for an encore performance, you know I love watchin’ you, baby.”

You feel his cock throb beneath you, as if to back up his claim. You groan and grip the tent in his shorts, pulling the material slack against him and squeezing, watching in awe as precum seeps through the fabric, leaving his bottoms almost as wet as yours. You can’t stop picturing how angry and red his cock must be from leaking like this; you decide you need to see it and pull him out of his shorts, whining when you see how shiny and wet he is for you.

You tap his cock on your clothed clit, rolling your hips over him, the both of you moaning at the motion. As good as it feels, it’s not enough and you push your panties to the side again and rub his tip directly against you, whimpering as he growls your name, his hands flying to your hips to keep you moving. 

Ashton’s fingers dig into your skin as he holds you against him, thrusting steadily through your wet folds. In your hazy state, you have the briefest thought of slipping him inside you but you’re already sure you could cum from this and it’s just feeling so good… has anything ever felt this good? You don’t want to stop. As you slide your pussy over his length, you can feel every ridge, every vein, you swear you can even feel his pulse as you move against his cock. You can’t stop.

“So fucking wet, baby,” he pants, hips moving wildly now. He slaps your ass a couple times, partly hoping it’ll get you moving faster and partly hoping it’ll get you to cum sooner because he’s not sure how much longer he can hold out. “Were you this soaked when you played with yourself earlier?”

You moan when you feel the sting of his palm. “Of course not,” you huff, nearing your end. “Nothing’s ever as good as when I’m with you… fuck Ash… love your cock so much, don’t even need it inside me to get off,” you ramble as you move eagerly on him. A few breathless whimpers later, you’re grabbing onto his shoulders as you cum and shake against him.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck,” he groans, pushing through your wetness once more just as it gets to be too much. You feel his cock jump and then he’s shooting cum all across your pussy; you gasp when you feel the warmth of his release on your thighs, a stark contrast to your cool, exposed skin.

Ashton tries to keep his eyes open so he can watch himself cover you in rope after rope but between the noises you’re making and the relief of finishing, he has to let his head fall back in bliss. You lean over him, softly nibbling at his lips as he comes down. 

“Hi,” you coo as his eyes flutter open.

“Hey,” he sighs, dazed.

“Think you ruined my panties,” you smirk.

Ash grins devilishly. “Is that a complaint?”

You coyly shrug and squeal as he suddenly presses the latch on the armrest, laying the chair flat, settling back to easily hoist you up over his face. You let out a desperate “Oh! Ash!” as his tongue licks you clean, eagerly moving across your folds and your thighs, mixing his cum with yours and swallowing it all down.

As he pulls away, he flicks over your clit a couple times, laughing warmly as you nearly jump out of his hold. “Relax, baby, I’m just playin’,” he soothes, pressing a soft peck to your pussy and each of your legs before moving you off of him.

Neither of you can seem to hold back the satisfied smiles painting your faces as you resituate yourselves: him putting his cock away and readjusting his chair, you peeling off your underwear and pulling your hoodie back down before crawling back into his arms.

You lay against his chest and the two of you bask in euphoric silence for a few minutes, curling into each other as the late night breeze picks up. You start to wonder what he’ll do if you fall asleep out here, when he reaches for the long-forgotten pipe, sparking the lighter to finish the bowl he started before you got frisky.

Your eyes meet as he pulls his hit and when he’s done, you press your lips to his, inviting him to pass the smoke from his mouth to yours. You easily finish off the bowl together like that and then you’re back on his chest again, sated and stoned.

“Sorry you had a shit day, love,” Ashton murmurs, pecking your forehead.

“Same… but it’s kinda funny to think that the shittiest days always seem to lead to some of my favorite nights with you,” you muse, softly sighing as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes you tight.

————-

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[levixreader]

Dad!Levi x Mum!Reader- Daughter of Mine

Warnings: Just fluff

Charlotte: French name meaning freedom Summary: Charlotte was exactly like her father, stubborn to the core. Even though Levi would never allow her to join the military, she gives him a run for his money. Read as your teenage daughter turns your husbands day completely upside down when he agrees to have her join him for work for a week. Who knew someone other than you could break the Corporals composure so easily.

Requested by Anonymous

Master List | Requests | Next Chapter

“No”, Levi said firmly, taking another sip from his tea. “But DaAaAad!”, Charlotte whined. Levi ignored her closing his eyes while taking another sip from his cup. “Levi, you could at least take a minute to think about it”, you chimed in from the kitchen. He opened his eyes, glaring at you from the breakfast table. “No”, he repeated, his tone more severe. “I am an adult now!”, Charlotte argued sitting next to him. He turned his glare to your sixteen-year-old daughter. “Dad please!”, she pleaded her voice becoming more desperate. Levi remained in a frown.

Levi had promised Charlotte that he would give her whatever she wanted for her birthday. Of course, the only thing she wanted was for him to let her join the army. And sure enough, he had denied and blocked her every step of the way. She had tried to sneakily signup, several times might you add. Tried to even go to Erwin, Levi’s superior. And gone as far as convinced even you. But to no avail. He would never allow her to join.

“You’re not joining”, he said pissed off, “That’s final”, his impassive expression returning. Silence. Charlotte’s eyes welled up. You sighed, stopping loitering in the kitchen knowing perfectly well that you would need to intercede between them yet again. They had been having this fight for a month and half since her birthday to be exact. It always ended the same way, him denying her and her crying.

They normally had a great relationship, an unspeakable bond of trust of father and daughter. They understood each other in a way that you, even as her mother, could never completely comprehend. Which is why watching them have a go almost every other day was really painful to watch.

“Why?”, she asked, tears ready to fall. This was the first time she asked him for his reasoning. He turned to look at her icy grey eyes, the pain in her eyes palpable enough to soften his expression. He sighed loudly, giving in to her request. “I would never want to feel responsible if something were to happen to you”, he said sincerely. Hearing him broke your heart.

Levi could be many things, but even through his thick layered skin, he was ultimately human. Still only a man; flesh and blood. Still felt grief from every single one of his comrade’s deaths. And even if he rarely showed it, he had an almost unmovable sense of morality. Not even humanity’s greatest soldier could take in his shoulder the death of his only child. Even as a child if she had been out of his sight for what he thought of as too long, he would feel panicked. Not even when you were in the Corps had he felt this unnerved. You might be his soul but Charlotte was his heart and joy.

“But dad, even mum used to be on the force!”, she tried again, her voice shakier than last time. “She isn’t any more”, he pointed out. Both of them turn to look at you for some kind of support. You sighed again approaching them from across your standing position opposite them. “How about this”, you began sitting diagonally from both your husband and daughter, they both leaned in eager to hear your opinion, “take Charlotte for a week in the HQ”, you suggested. Charlotte’s eyes sparkled obviously appreciating your suggestion. Levi, on the other hand, had his eyes narrowed poignantly glaring at you. Oh boy, you knew that look. It was the look he used when he would make you pay for whatever you had done.

“Common dad”, Charlotte pleaded calling back his attention. He stared down at her, “No”, he answered. “But you said you would give me anything I wanted”, she insisted placing her hands on his knees. He stood his silent ground. “What if I don’t leave you side?”, she offered. He still didn’t say anything. “I’ll even clean your office”, she added, her eyes fuller than ever. He closed his eyes, sighing in defeat. “One week”, he finally replied. She immediately stood up screaming “YAY”, and then proceeded to twirl around the room. “I’m not done yet brat”, he said his eyes narrowing at her celebration in disapproval. “You’ll wake up every day at 5:00”, he began listing his conditions, “You do exactly as I say”, he continued, “And most importantly”, he emphasised, “You cannot leave my sight”. Charlotte who had been listening intently to his every word nodded furiously, “I promise!”, she said happily and proceeded to run up the stairs presumably to pick exactly what she was going to wear.

“Tch”, Levi said watching her disappear up the stairs. “You’re not off the hook either”, he said with half-lidded eyes. You rolled your eyes. “You’re just as bad as that brat”, he said meeting your gaze. “No, for that you have the full credit”, you commented smiling softly. His eyes narrowed, “After tonight, we might even have another one”, he casually said. “What?”, you replied blushing. “You heard me”, he said reaching to grab your face with his hand. “If I have to take the brat to work, you’re also suffering the consequences”, he said almost growling. “Yes, Sir”, you said seductively making him smirk, “It’s Corporal to you, brat”.

* * *

It hadn’t even been half a day and Levi was already regretting agreeing to bring Charlotte with him. His eyes narrowed watching his daughter in the courtyard with the 104th cadets. He didn’t have a problem with his daughter meeting the cadets but, what he did have a problem with was the newbie 104th cadets flirting with her. “Stupid shitty glasses”, he thought narrowing his eyes further as Jean, a horse-faced teenager, made Charlotte giggle. Hanji had, as per usual, bust into his office with news of some sort of experiment or another. But had promptly stopped when she laid eyes on Charlotte. “Is this little Charlotte I see!”, she had screamed in delight. Hanji was a regular at his house and knew Charlotte quite well. She had begged Levi to let her give Charlotte a tour of the facilities. At the time, he had been half thankful, since he still had half a mountain of paperwork to get through and Charlotte wasn’t making it any easier with her whining and asking when he would be done so that the both of them could go exploring. He trusted Hanji, but looking at things now, that had been a big mistake.

His eyes opened like plates. “Fuck. No.”, he thought having enough of the little show outside. He got up immediately from his desk chair. Eren had touched her. Moronic, hot-headed, titan-shifting Eren, had dared touch her.

Levi wasn’t an unreasonable man. He was praised for keeping his impulses in control. In fact, if anything, he was more the type to step back and assess before acting. But, all of that was thrown out the window when it came to his daughter. No one touched his daughter. Especially with dirty, filthy crummy hands like Eren’s. He stopped his way to the entrance of the courtyard. “Cadets!”, he screamed pissed off. The little group at the centre immediately turned to look at their superior. Levi’s eyes met Charlotte’s, she wasn’t happy and shot him half a glare. When the rest of the group realise it was the Corporal calling them, they all ran to stand in attention. “Heichou”, they said more or less in unison standing straight. Charlotte, on the other hand, leisurely made her way towards the line of cadets and Levi. Levi’s eyes fixated on her, narrowing in anger at her insubordination.

Of course, this did not escape the boys that had been flirting with her attention. Eren looked conflicted between Charlotte and Levi. Jean was biting his lip trying to think of what to say. Reiner’s brow was sweating unsure of what to do and so on and so forth.

“Captain!”, it was Eren who spoke first. Levi tore his eyes off Charlotte to look at him, his steel eyes warning him off wanting to cut his head off. “Charlotte is new”, he said less confidently mirroring Reiner’s sweating. Levi’s right eyebrow cocked up. “We’ll make sure she knows how to greet her superiors properly”, he said closing his eyes and lowering his head as a form of apology. “He”, Levi said in dark amusement. At least one of them had the balls to try to shield that stupid brat of his. Eren opened one eye and sneaked a peek at the Corporal. Levi looked even more annoyed. “Yes Corporal!”, this time it was Jean three persons down. It was his turn to be glared at. “Please forgive her!”, he pleaded also lowering his head. Levi felt red hot anger curing through his veins.

“So, you lot think you know how to handle my daughter better than me?”, Levi said with molten furry. Eren and Jean instantly raised their head in shock. All of the six in the group were shocked. Daughter. Charlotte was the Corporal's daughter.

“Dad!”, came a whine from Charlotte. Levi’s lips became a straight line, “My office”, he managed to say with a still controlled tone. “But-”, she tried, “Now!”, he emphasised louder. She pouted crossing her arms in front of her chest, “Dad stop”, she tried once again. His glare intensified, his eyes turning to look at the still processing cadets in front of him. “Since you all seem so eager to speak on her behalf”, Levi said calling back the attention of the boys, “you can all take her punishment too”, he glared at the line, “100 laps and stable duty for 2 weeks”, he called out waving a hand to dismiss them. Groaning they all made their way back to the courtyard to start laps.

“Charlotte”, he said turning to see his daughter once again. Oh, she was in for it. He never called her that. “We’re leaving”, he called grabbing her forearm and dragging her out of the buildings.

* * *

“Hey!”, you called out hearing your husband and daughter come in through the front door. “How was today?”, you asked moving to the living room to greet them. They both looked angry. “Oh God”, you thought approaching them. “Fine”, Levi said walking past you to reach sit on the couch. “Right”, you thought turning to look at him. “Why the long face?”, you questioned earning you a glare. “Ask her”, he responded pointing at Charlotte, who was still pouting. “Me?!”, she dramatically argued. His eyes narrowed. “What is going on?”, you asked a little lost. “I’ll tell you!”, Charlotte volunteered, “Dad went crazy”, she informed making you frown. Crazy?

“The military is not a flirting patch”, he answered rudely making Charlotte’s cheek colour. Your eyebrow shot up at her reaction. “I wasn’t flirting!”, she defended whilst flustered. You turned to look at your husband who was by then already staring at you with a “see” face. “Levi”, you said walking so that you stood in front of his knees. “What did you do?”, you asked crouching so that you could meet his gaze. “Nothing”, he said turning away. “L-evi”, you said softly. “If those brats have the balls to touch my daughter then they can have the balls to demonstrate their endurance and cleaning skills”, he said, not a single bit sorry. You sighed, turning your head slightly to look at your daughter. “Charlotte, give us a minute”, you said smiling softly at her. She frowned softly but complied and ran upstairs.

Sighing again you hung your head. “Levi”, you said your tone a little stern. He did not answer opting to look elsewhere as you looked up to his face. “You can’t do stuff like that”, you said placing both your hands on each of his knees. His eyes still didn’t meet yours. “Charlotte is not a child”, you said gripping his knees. To this he turns to look down at you his eyes dipped in disapproval, “She will always be my child”, he said catching you by surprise. That was so uncharacteristically of him. “You should have seen how they were looking at her”, he said in disgust, “They got what they deserved, tch”, he said returning his eyes elsewhere. You stifled a chuckle.

You had only seen him like this once and it had been back when you were dating and someone dared ask you out. Levi had had a field day with them.

“Levi”, you called out even softer than before. He looked at you, his eyes now softer with a hint of sadness and anger. “You can’t treat Charlotte like that”, you said drawing circles on his knees. He sighed, his shoulder’s relaxing a bit. “I know”, he said in defeat. One of your hands moved upwards to hold his cheek. His face shifting to put its weight on your palm. “It’s just-”, he started thinking of the best way to describe the feeling, “hard”, he settled on. “I know”, you said empathising with him. He sighed again, moving his face so that his lips were the ones on your palm now. He kissed it before getting up. “Are you going to talk to her?”, you asked watching him disappear further into the house. “Something like that”, he said underneath his breath making you chuckle.

* * *

*knock, knock*

Two knocked protruded from her room’s door. Charlotte looked up from her bed, fresh tears still falling down her cheeks. She didn’t answer, not really in the mood to see you or Levi, especially Levi. “Stupid dad”, she thought burring her face on the pillow.

The door creaked open, allowing Levi to walk inside the room. “Brat”, he called out from the foot of the bed. Charlotte didn’t even shift. He sighed sitting down on the corner by her feet, “Brat”, he tried again. Charlotte simply buried herself deeper in the pillow. She didn’t want her father to watch her cry. “Charlotte”, he said softly placing a hand on her leg. “Hmm”, he heard her muttered from her pillow. “Common, let’s have a talk”, he said tapping her leg. She sighed emerging from the pillow and turning to look at him. His heart twisted when he caught her still watery eyes. “What is it?”, she said quietly. “I’m your dad”, he informed making her eyebrows knit. “Yeah?”, she said quizzically. Levi sighed once more, completely defeated, “even when you’re old like me, you will always be my brat”, he said looking down at her bedsheets. This made Charlotte giggle. “I know”, she said this time placing her hand on his leg. “You’ll always be my dad”, she echoed making the corner of Levi’s mouth tug upwards. “Always”, he answered looking at her with a smile. To his surprise, Charlotte threw herself at him hugging him. Levi eagerly hugged her back.

“This doesn’t mean you can get out of 5 a.m. training tomorrow”, he said making her push him so that he was at arm’s length. “Training?”, she repeated confused. “What? You thought I would back away from a promise?”, he asked rhetorically feigning offence. Charlotte beamed, “Really? You mean it?!”, she asked bouncing. “Yeah, yeah”, he said ruffling her hair, “Be ready at 4:30 sharp”, he said getting up from her bed, “If you’re late, I’ll make you run laps”, he said closing the door of her bedroom.

[blackbat05]

I need a break

Shangqi x Reader (Platonic) 

A/N: I feel like I’m loosing steam towards the end of my placement and wow I have never needed a break this badly before. Perhaps a short Shangqi x Reader imagine where they are both University students. Seriously at this rate I’ll just be solely a Shangqi writer HAHAHA. Doing this on my phone because I don’t want to open my work computer. Let’s see where this impromptu idea takes me to. Hope you enjoy it and as always like and comment if you wish!

Genre: PG-13

Warnings: None really, just friends supporting each other! I guess there’s an inaccurate timeline if you look at the MCU but hey this is an imagine plus if you look at some of the wiki pages, Shangqi is actually born in 1998/1999. So appreciate if you’re kind enough to go with the flow to read this comfort fic! 

‘Y/N!’ Shangqi rushes to catch up with you after class. You made an effort to conceal your tiredness but he saw it right through. ‘Gosh…you alright?’

You think to yourself. Were you really alright? The answer was pretty obvious. You were ten weeks into your placement and your emotions were a jumbled up mess. Having to deal with work responsibilities was one problem, school assignments were another issue all together. At this point, you felt like you were just getting through each week for the sake of it.

At first, you believed that what you were going through was simply a transition to becoming an adult. You thought that naturally, you would be able to persevere through the stressful periods by yourself. But of course, it has been hard.

You were a social work intern at a neighborhood youth centre, thirty minutes away if you took the train and bus. The work was fulfilling in it’s own ways, but recently there were self-doubts filling your brain, if you were really cut out for the job in the future. If you weren’t, what else could you do?

As you sat with Shangqi in the school’s student-ran cafe, you found yourself pouring out the exact same concerns to him. Credit to him, Shangqi never interrupted your monologue, he just simply listened. That’s what best friends were for. That’s what you did for him to when he ran into issues with his family.

Even then, he couldn’t deny that hearing you doubt yourself broke his heart. He had known you since high school. You mostly kept to yourself and one or two close friends. Despite joining the school’s athletic team where you were one of the main athletes, you preferred to stay in the shadows unlike some of your teammates. That didn’t stop you from going out of your way to help other students in need; like helping the girl who was in an arm cast to copy the social studies notes, even if it meant you had to do it twice. Or maybe just talking to a friend who was stressed out about their results.

Basically, you had studied your ass off to get a secured spot at this university who were only one of the few that offered the degree. He remembers you telling him the moment you got your offer, ‘I’m finally good at something. I don’t have to worry anymore!’

Shangqi wasn’t stupid. The pandemic had done some crazy things. And by crazy, it affected the self-esteem that you had been working so hard on by participating in various projects and events, with you being in charge of a drama production that was promoting on mental health. That was a big deal considering that you were a major introvert.

Online engagement was never easy. In fact he has heard some of your struggles that you’ve shared with him regarding this and it only makes him admire you even more. For someone who preferred to keep to themselves, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, to take on a role that wasn’t just simply about helping people - that took guts.

‘I’m sorry I’m just loading you with all this. I just feel…’ You trailed off, suddenly becoming emotional again. Again, Shangqi does not pry. ‘That I can’t do anything right.’ You emphasize that you had ended the statement for you were unsure that you could keep your cool if you had tried to continue on.

‘If I hear you saying sorry another time,’ he chides, ‘you’re paying for our meal later.’ Your lips curved upwards slightly before returning to its somber position. Shangqi decides that a meal won’t cut it. He needs to deploy ‘Operation Y/N’. Standing up with your buzzer to collect the food, Shangqi whips out his phone. There will be a few changes for today.

Food was definitely a cure in this situation, but it was only a part of the solution. After inhaling your ramen at light speed, Shangqi tells you that today will be a different Friday. ‘And you can’t complain! It’ll be a weekend tmr,’ he tells you. So why not? You figured that even if you went back home early, your head wouldn’t be in the right place to complete the essay for your English module.

‘Hold up! The VR studio that Katy was talking about?’ You look at the tickets inside the taxi that was taking you and Shangqi to the location. ‘How did you even, it was so hard to get these tickets!’ From the time Shangqi met you outside the classroom, he had yet to see you so ecstatic. Until now.

‘Well,’ Shangqi gives his best shrug. ‘I called in a favor from a friend. Said that it was for emergency purposes.’ He raised his fingers to make connotations in the air much to your amusement.

‘Wow… just how much do I not know about you Mr Popular?’ You teased. Shangqi decides to leave the fact on him having to persuade the Wakandan Princess in giving him free tickets.

‘Please! I swear whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it! It’s for Y/N!’

‘Ey well why didn’t you say so? If it’s for that nice friend, of course!’ Shuri leaves the entrance of the compound, an exasperated Shangqi trailing behind.

Yeah, the VR studio that Katy told them about was also funded by King T’Challa himself. With stunning life like visuals thanks to Wakandan technology, the VR studio was located in a middle class neighborhood. T’Challa believed that no matter where kids came from, they should have the right to enjoy and to explore the world. For now, he wasn’t ready to share that he was on the way on becoming a full-fledged Avenger yet - you just had too much on your plate. He’ll just have to settle with this white lie.

‘Is Katy coming?’ You were on the verge of vibrating off your seat. ‘She would love this place!’ Even when you were struggling, Y/N still manages to think about other people. Today, Y/N will put her needs first.

As if to answer your previous question, you can see an equally excited Katy waiting for the two of you at the roundabout. ‘HEL-LO EVERYONE! LET’S GET OUR FRIDAY STARTED IN PROPER SHALL WE?’ Her loud voice had attracted stares, some very displeased looks too but at this point in time, you didn’t give a damn. Katy was right, it was time to enjoy!

You wished that you could slow down time, or even replay it continuously when you needed cheering up because the only thing you felt was pure happiness - euphoria even. Your stomach was in knots for laughing hysterically together with Katy when Shangqi jumped in shock from a surprise scare from a zombie. ‘I’m keeping that for leverage,’ she tells you, quietly slipping her phone into her fanny pack. 

The Wakandans had really outdone themselves this time. Your favorite VR was the paradise VR. Slipping the headgear, you say goodbye to the smiles of Katy and Shangqi, whisking away to a beach that oddly reminded you of your dream destination - Hawaii. From where you were standing, you were surrounded by green and majestic islands. Despite their sheer size, you weren’t intimidated. In fact, you were healing. 

Your mind was no longer in the room of the VR studio. How could it when the sun kissed your skin, giving you the much needed energy that you were lacking for so long? In the room, the two sees you kick your shoes to the side, going barefoot. It may have seem strange, but with the monitor beside you, your actions were perfectly logical. 

As a kid, you used to despise the prickly feeling of sand in between your toes. But now, you grew to love the sensation that each grain of sand had on your skin. It made you feel grounded, that everything was going to be ok. You raise your virtual hand to touch your face - were you crying? 

‘She must have been really stressed huh?’ Katy whispers to Shangqi who nods in return. How he hated the fact that you were giving so much to your work but still felt underappreciated. Forget the Avengers with superhuman abilities, you were the true MVP. The VR ends and you remove your headgear. ‘I’m ok,’ you automatically reassure them despite the dry tears left on both cheeks. You step down the platform slowly, trying to regain sense of the real world. 

What you didn’t expect was the two embracing you in a hug, squishing you in between them. Maybe that had set off the waterworks. For someone like Katy, she had sage advice.

‘Life can be pretty shitty right? But I’m so proud of you fighting it Y/N. Just remember that it’s ok to be weak. I mean, I’ve seen worse from Shangqi,’ she jabs her finger towards his direction, earning a glare from him. That’s Katy, always trying to add a bit of humor to this grey world. Calming down, you let go of the both of them. ‘Thanks guys, for everything.’ 

‘Hey,’ Shangqi responds, slinging his arm over your shoulder. ‘We’re friends, so we don’t leave each other behind.’ Phone beeping, he retrieves it to check the message. ‘And look at that, nice timing. Who wants Korean BBQ?’ 

Trailing behind them, you get an amusing view of Shangqi bickering with Katy on how many Soju bottles she’s allowed to order later. As San Francisco welcomed the night, you were just thankful that you had the two of them to walk through this crazy maze called life. 

‘Last one to the shop is paying!’ 

‘Oh you’re on Mister!’  

A/N: I really just think that this was also an imagine for me to cope too. So I can only hope to finish my placement/assignments/exams well! To anyone who does studies and work simultaneously, I fucking respect you (allow me to use expletives for now, these people deserve the respect). If you’re going through a stressful time, I hope this brings the slightest comfort for you and remember… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Again, thank you for reading! 

[kuekyuuq]

I have to ask...

Where do the anti-supercorp people get the idea from that Lena Luthor is xenophobic?

Are we watching the same show?

I can see how one does not like Lena.

I can see how some of Lena's actions can be considered irredeemable.

I can see that her family was/is xenophobic.

I can agree she made some horrible mistakes in judgement.

Canon told us:

Lena was fired by Lex from LuthorCorp because he thought her naive about her pro-alien stance. The same brother who analysed Lena since she was four. 

Lena was horrified when Lex tied her to a chair and made her watch his attempt to kill Superman by turning the sun red

Lena came to National City in hopes to work with Supergirl (an alien)

Lena actively re-branded LutherCorp to LCorp to get rid of the anti-alien stuff and everything else people connected with the Luthor name

Yes, Lena created an alien-detector, but her intention was one out of ignorance (of the backlash this could cause), not of hate - when Kara much later explains the potential bad the item could cause, Lena is very much listening

Lena helps Kara on several occasions, using her intel and providing it to Kara, so Kara can investigate and write articles to dismantle anti-alien organisations (e.g. Veronica Sinclair's fight club, Cadmus)

Lena helps Supergirl on several occasions, using her intel and providing it to Supergirl, so Supergirl can dismantle anti-alien organisations

Lena actively seeks to dismantle Cadmus - the anti-alien group - even before Lena started suspecting Lillian to be involved

Lena schemes against Lillian to use Medusa to kill all aliens on Earth

Lena testified both against her alien-hating mother and brother

As soon Lillian told Lena about Lex' former facilities, she starts looking into them - they are well hidden, so it does take her a while (and by this date in the show, she may still not have unearthed all of them) - and dismantles many of them / continues to give Kara/Supergirl information about them (e.g. when Kara asks Lena for tech to find missing aliens, Lena offers to look into L-Corp (= former LutherCorp) database to search for anything useful for that particular cause

Lena encourages Kara strongly to find a way to warn all aliens about the alien registration manifest being leaked - she inspired Kara to "blob"

When Lillian finds out Lena is pro-alien and helping find the abducted aliens, she has her goons try to scare her off ("nothing permanent" - the goons accidentally threw Lena off her balcony...) - even her own family sees how non-xenophobic Lena is

Lena sacrifices Jack (her former boyfriend and still potential romantically involved one) to save Supergirl (the alien) - and (rightfully) blames the human woman, who controlled Jack, for it

When Lena suspects and confirms Rhea to be an alien, she cuts ties with her - because Rhea lied to her, not because she's an alien

Lena starts working with Rhea (confirmed alien) again - to help aliens who "weren't as lucky" as Rhea's people and to further and better Earth technologies; reduce environmental damages by infrastructure / good transports / traffic.... only to be betrayed by Rhea.

Lena learns Mon-El, Kara's boyfriend, was Daxamite and has zero issues about it

Lena has no issue with Sam being half-alien, but with the Reign-half being a huge menace to Earth, so tries to stop her and save Sam

The DEO kept Kryptonite in case any of the Supers went rogue - like Batman and Oliver Queen kept theirs - Lena kept and created Kryptonite and Harun-El to ...cure cancer; to fight against sicknesses, to use as a clean energy-source, to... do good things

...yes, she lied about it. But, her not-so-wrong reasoning was "if I tell, they will take it away. If they take it away, I won't be able to do good with it."

Lena rather had Supergirl drop her than chemicals that could have harmed thousands (human and alien)

Lena becomes quick allies and friends with Brainy (admitably, in many ways he's more AI than alien...) and befriends Nia later on, too

What else does Lena do with her stash of Kryptonite and the knowledge she gained from it? When Mercy & Otis Graves irradiate Earth's atmosphere with Kryptonite, Lena already has created an anti-Kryptonite suit for Supergirl and the fact it’s already at hand saves Supergirl’s life!

That's only up to season four... 

Yes, Lena did shitty stuff in season five. Arguably, for the right reasons, but ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’...  But were any of those things xenophobic?

The problem she has with Kara in season five is NOT because she’s an alien - but because she felt betrayed, personally. Rightfully so? Eeeeeeeh.... while it surely must have hurt to learn your best friend lied to you and played two personalities, at times taking advantage of it, too - which, let’s be honest, Kara did - Kara did have her reasons (initially), it IS selfish for Lena to assume the worst and take the fact itself so personally.  But, everybody lives in their own world, I am sure - dear few readers, who took it upon yourselves to read this monster of a post - we can agree, that we all judge the world and others based on our own perceived reality, based on our own experiences, emotions and circumstance, whether we try to be better than that or not...  I’d even make the argument, Lena is more upset with her intimate friend “Kara” (whom she shared her most intimate thoughts and feelings with) having lied to her, than with “Supergirl” taking advantage of her. Being played, Lena can deal with, but trusting and seeing that trust shattered... low blow. Please, correct me if I’m wrong, but to my knowledge, the only time Lena uses Kara being an alien against her, is when she uses and reworks the Fortress of Solitude's already existing settings to trap Kara in there for long enough for herself to get a head-start on getting Myriad to work (how else was she supposed to achieve that?).  Myriad, which she wanted to use to STOP hate, including racism (xeno-cism?). Brainwashing everyone is most certainly a veeeeeeery misguided approach, but the premise of ending all hate and the resulting pain is very much like the notion of "praying for world peace" - just that Lena got sick of praying and decided to actually go ahead and do something about it ((again: notion good; (attempted) execution horrifying)).

Even Lena trapping Malefic was to that very end. She trapped Eve (human) as well on that line of thought. At the least, she offered Malefic a deal to his liking as payment...? Eve on the other hand.... 

If anything, Lena is people-phobic. She has a hard time trusting anyone, remains suspicious to a fault. ...she did effectively kill Eve on Earth-38, though, by over-writing her with Hope.

Kara forgave her aunt, who came just as close, wanting to use Myriad for very similar purposes - and then forgave Lena, eventually, just as much. The difference being, Astra died. We never got to see if Astra would have actually stopped her plan, convinced Non, and/or would have aimed / worked hard to redeem herself...

In the same episode, where Lena's attempts with Myriad failed (and Hope took the fall) Malefic, who had tried to murder multiple people as part of his revenge against his brother (and had targeted Kelly for a while, too) was set free by J'onn and sent to Mars to do good there.

The whole of National City forgave Supergirl (and her potential for going bad and for her causing actual destruction) only a week after the redK incident...

All that said:

1) Lena lied to Kara and played her. Sure, Lena felt betrayed and from her point of view, with her set of experiences and her own preexisting many traumas and (very bad) coping mechanisms, it was... well, understandable... or at least traceable. But, forgivable? That's ultimately up for her victim (Kara) to decide. And, apparently, she does forgive her. Not easily. But she does; understands both sides, evaluates, listens to others, observes the remorse, and makes her own decision / judgement... which is (initially, tentative) forgiveness.

2) The show is REALLY BAD at dealing with characters' actions’ or events' consequences. Period. There is no real consistency, 'cept that things don't have real repercussions. That is how the writers decided to write the show from season one on. If the writers think Kara forgives Lena and show it, then that's that.

3) Every time I read the notion that Lena was/is xenophobic, I can't help but wonder if anyone who claims such even watched the show.

4) Lena is not her brother. She's flawed. She makes mistakes. But for once, Lena and her character are suffering the consequences. That may not enough for the liking of Lena Luthor haters, or anti-Supercorp taggers, but it is what it is - and it is much more than most any actual bad guy had to suffer through. Bad guys with evil intentions, (mass) murderers, people (alien and human) that rationally caused lasting harm and/or trauma to their victims.

5) Lena is not xenophobic.

Kue out.

[nelapanela94]

Warnings: Mentions of a degenerative disease, angst, fluff, character dead

LevixFem!Y/N

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

When you met Levi for the first time when he joined the Survey Corps you were certain that the stoic, ill-mannered raven-haired was going to be yours. With your joyful and caring personality, you were quite popular among your male peers; however, you only had eyes for one man.

Despite Levi’s efforts to suppress his feelings, he realized he had fallen hard for you. He would helplessly stutter when he talked with you and his gaze would unconsciously follow you whenever you were around. Your laughter would bright up a shitty day, and it irked him when another man made you laugh. Indeed, Levi wanted to confess, but was afraid to screw it up. It wasn’t a scenario he was prepared for.

He was utterly doomed.

Nonetheless, the universe conspired in his favor the day you went straight to his office, opened the door without knocking and firmly approached the ravenette who was busy with paperwork. He didn’t even have time to complain at your intrusion because his lips were already prisoners of yours. Levi was left dumbfounded, his eyes widely opened, his entire face flustered, and he was doubtless his heart was about to explode.

He instinctively cupped your face in his hands and deepened the kiss as all the tension drifted away from his shoulders. Your lips moved slowly and clumsily first, but didn’t take long to adjust to the perfect rhythm. Your heart pounded in your chest and your trembling knees were about to give up. You could not focus in anything, but on how soft his lips felt against yours. You had found a new addiction.

You finally broke the kiss and stared at each other in the eye. “What the…” Levi was still processing what just had happened.

“I wasn’t going to be left with the desire” you said between soft pants. Then an awkward silence filled the room, Levi tugged at the collar of his shirt, while you bit your lower lip. “Well...” you pursed your lips in a thin line.

“Stop b...by after dinner. I’ll make t…tea for both of us, I... got this new blend from the capital…” he stammered, his eyes darted towards the window.

“I’ll get the biscuits” you proposed while inspecting your nails.

“Great”

“Great. Uh, my squad is gathering soon… see you then” you waved your hand and left his office.

You and Levi had been together ever since then. Despite your tight working schedules, you’d always make time to see each other. You would steal kisses from him when no one was looking and leave love notes on his desk with the cheesiest messages you came up with. They were a treasure for him and kept every single one in one of his drawers. Levi, on the other hand, demonstrated his love through acts of service, like brewing tea for you, making sure you had had breakfast every morning, or having your clothes washed, folded and put away. Since words were not his forte, he showed his affection in his own way.

Everything seemed perfect until one night you abruptly woke up covered in cold sweat, your nose was bleeding too. Levi sat up and lit an oil lamp to get a better look. He alarmed when he spotted your lips, chin and hands already stained in the crimson liquid. “Are you alright?” He placed his hand on your cheek and swiped away your tears with his thumb.

“Yeah” you sniffled. “It must be just stress, I’m sorry for waking you up”

Levi planted a kiss on your forehead before getting off the bed. He came back from the bathroom with a damp cloth and cleaned the dry blood from your face and hands. He then changed the bed sheets as well as your stained night gown, and went back to bed, his hand caressing your hair until you fell asleep again.

Several days later a ticklish sensation manifested in your hands and feet, but you shrugged it off claiming it was anxiety for the upcoming expeditions. Nevertheless, the tingling feeling became more recurrent, and spread to your arms and legs. Then came the numbness that engulfed your limbs and the declined in your grip strength that hindered your performance, and put your life in great danger during one of the expeditions. Levi grew tired of your shitty excuses and forced you to go see a doctor, since Hange and Moblit couldn’t find a cause for the unusual signs.

But nothing had prepared you for the news you were about to received. According to the doctor, you suffered from a brain degenerative disease that didn’t have a cure, nor a known root cause; and the worst part: your symptoms would aggravate with time.

“He must be overreacting” you weakly smiled when you left the doctor’s office. “It can’t be that bad” you knew it was, though. Remembrances of your early childhood came back. You’d never understood why your mother was left disabled and bedridden for so long before passing away until that moment; and the doctor’s words had confirmed your greatest fear: you had inherited the same illness that had taken your mother’s life.

Little by little, you went from trembling to limping to nearly lost the mobility of your lower body. The muscle mass you had gained through the years of military training was vanishing, and the pain had become unbearable, not even the strongest medication brought relief.

Now, you were lying in bed with Levi, resting your head on his chest and having your legs intertwined with his, while he pressed soft kisses on your head.

“Levi” you muttered. “Forgive my selfishness. Sometimes I wish I was death” He scowled at your words and lifted his head. “Oi, don’t say that” His gaze saddened when he glanced at your glistening eyes.

“You know it’d be better for both of us. I won’t be in pain anymore and you won’t have to deal with this burden”

“Stop it, I don’t wanna hear it” He clenched his fist and took a deep breath to restrain his tears. “I can’t lose you, (name). I might be the selfish one, but I don’t know what I’d do without you”

You chuckled.

“What? I didn’t say anything funny”

You shook your head. “I just remembered the day I told you I wanted you to be the father of my kids. You almost choke on your tea” you giggled.

“Yeah, pretty funny...” He remarked sarcastically.

“They’ve would’ve been so cute, you know, with your hair and eyes” you sighed. “Isn’t it a cruel joke of the universe to lead me to you and not let us age together?”

“Hey...” His eyes filled with tears. “You’re talking like you’ve already given up”

“I’m just tired”

Yes. You were tired of everything. You couldn’t stand the pain, the useless medication, the pity stares. You were tired of being a burden to your friends, and mainly to Levi.

“Get some sleep, I’ll bake your favorite cookies tomorrow morning”

“That sounds good”

“They’re not as good as yours, though”

“No one can beat my recipe”

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

You chuckled. “Can we have chai tea with the cookies?”

“Chai tea will be”

You closed your eyes and the corners of your mouth lifted. Levi’s beating heart was steady and relaxing. “I love you, Levi”

“I love you too, (name)” He waited for you to fall asleep before he succumbed to slumber. His poor sleeping habits eased when you were lying by his side; you had become his shelter, the light of his eyes and the only person he had fully opened his heart to.

Levi woke up first the following morning with you peacefully asleep, your head buried in his chest and your arm wrapped around his torso. Too peacefully asleep, indeed. “(name)” he whispered, but didn’t get any response, not even a whine nor your usual 5 more minutes, please. He uncovered your upper body and carefully unwrapped your arm off of him. A hard object hidden under the covers got his attention. He found it and examined the small container.

His eyes went wide as a sharp pain pierced through his heart when he read the label.

His jaw quivered and tears streamed down his face.

His world was shattering around him.

It was the most recent medication prescribed by your doctor.

It wasn’t even a week old and it was supposed to last a month.

But the flask was already empty.

[dilly-oh]

Trashy Romance Novel

    “Naruto, you frigging idiot,” Iruka began hotly, barging into the hospital room, “of all the stupid, brainless things you could have done, this is by far the-”

    He stopped. 

    The person lying in the small bed was definitely not Naruto. It was a grown-ass man with messy gray hair and a faded scar over one eye, the sterile white sheets pulled up over his nose, apparently sound asleep. Iruka stared at him for a long moment, dumbfounded, before it clicked. 

    Oh shit, he thought. This is the wrong room. I'm in the wrong room. I need to hurry up and leave before- 

    The stranger's eyes cracked open and he squinted up at Iruka in confusion.

    “...Who're you?” he croaked out. Iruka managed a rather articulate gurgle of dismay, frozen in sheer mortification. He considered the distance between him and the IV drip, wondering if he could dose the man back to unconsciousness before he could scream or buzz for a nurse. “Are those for me?” the man asked, sitting up in bed to regard the bouquet of flowers in Iruka's arms. He opened his mouth to disagree, but then the sheet slipped off the man's face, and Iruka suddenly thought giving him the flowers might not be such a bad idea. He definitely deserved a thank you after gifting him with...that. He didn't even protest as the alarmingly handsome stranger reached out and took the bundle of flowers, opening the card on top. 

    “You're a dumbass. Love, Iruka.” he read aloud, then looked up at Iruka, batting his eyes. “Aww, babe, you shouldn't have.”

    “Whoa whoa WHOA!” Iruka finally blurted out, his face burning half from embarrassment at the situation, half from the thinly-veiled flirting. “I'm sorry, sir, there's been a mistake. I'm in the wrong room and-”

    “You mean you aren't my doting husband I tragically forgot about due to amnesia and now you have to win back my love by passionately recreating the story of our romantic union?”

    “Excuse me, WHAT-”

    “Sorry, I've been reading trashy romance novels. They're the only books this hospital has. Can't blame me for trying.” The man shrugged, then reluctantly handed back the bouquet. “Who's the lucky person they're actually for? Must be someone real special if you're calling them a dumbass to their face.”

    “My kid brother,” Iruka explained with a sigh. “He's here with a head injury.”

    “Ouch.” The man winced in sympathy. “Poor kid.”

    “Not really. He head-butted a brick wall.” 

    “...May I ask why?”

    “Because his stupid boyfriend walked into it and he had to, and I quote, 'defend his honor'.” Iruka paused, looking the man up and down. Despite being a bit on the pale side, he looked perfectly fine, pun very much intended. It was almost unfair how well he pulled off the hospital gown (although Iruka would much rather be the one pulling it off, wink wink, nudge nudge). “So...what're you in for?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Was...was it the crappy romance novels? Did they rot your brain?”

    “I have an extremely rare, aggressive form of cancer with only two weeks left to live and the only cure is a kiss from my one true love...” The man swooned back onto the pillow and looked expectantly up at Iruka, who rolled his eyes. 

    “Yeah they definitely did-”

    “Alright you got me. Broke my leg.” He pulled the sheet off his lower half, revealing his legs, one of which was wrapped in a cast, propped up on some pillows. Several encouraging words from friends were scrawled on the white surface in marker, one of them a jarring green highlighter. It almost hurt Iruka's eyes to look at it. 

    “...How did you break it?” he asked, unable to contain his curiosity. 

    “I heroically threw myself in front of a speeding car in order to save the life of my beloved-” 

    “Okay how did you really break it?”

    “Tripped chasing after my pug at the park,” the man admitted with a weary sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. 

    “...Is the dog okay?” Iruka asked after a long pause.

    The stranger burst out laughing. It was a nice laugh, warm and contagious enough to elicit a chuckle out of Iruka, who was growing more and more intrigued. He couldn't deny the spark of attraction he felt for the other man, spontaneous as it was, and it seemed to be reciprocated. He didn't even know his name, but something about the man made Iruka want to know more about him. Maybe this was like some trashy romance novel, where the two would-be lovers met under unusual circumstances and fell instantly in-

    “Hey, Kakashi,” a man with short brown hair said, suddenly walking into the room, “I brought the next three volumes of your shitty porn series from the hospital library and a couple pairs of clean underwear, so you can stop fucking texting me the specific style and brand you want from home, you're so damn picky-” He stopped dead as he caught sight of Iruka, pausing for a beat, then glanced at the man in the bed, his eyes darting nervously between the two. “Umm...am I...interrupting something?”

    A cold pit of ice yawned open in Iruka's stomach. 

    Oh my GOD. Here he was, borderline flirting with some stranger in a random hospital room, when obviously the man already had a boyfriend and Iruka was just making a complete ass of himself. The flirting had probably been misinterpretation on his part anyway, and if not, the guy was a total dick. Either way, enough was enough. His face aflame with rage and shame, Iruka spun towards the door. 

    “I need to go.”

    “Hey, wait!” Kakashi or whatever his name was called after him. 

    Iruka was already out the door, ignoring the man's cries. Screw him, and screw Naruto, too. He was the cause of this whole mess. Iruka would just text him later. He was probably making out with Sasuke anyway and wouldn't even notice his brother hadn't popped in to visit. Iruka needed out of this hospital NOW. He turned towards the stairs, immediately got lost, and spent the next five minutes growing increasingly flustered as he stormed through the winding hallways, desperately searching for the exit. Why the fuck was the hospital so damn BIG-

    “Hey! Iruka! Hold up!”

    Iruka spun around to see Kakashi speeding towards him in a wheelchair, his boyfriend dutifully pushing him down the hallway at a dead run, IV dangling after him on its cord like a faithful dog. The wheelchair stopped with an audible squeal in front of him.

    “What- where did- did you steal that?!” Iruka hissed in outrage. 

    “Of course not, don't be silly,” Kakashi protested, sounding offended. “The guy it belongs to was asleep in his bed. I'm just borrowing it. I'll return it later. Anyway, Iruka-”

    “Were you flirting with me in there?” Iruka demanded, cutting him off. “Be honest.”

    “Abso-fucking-lutely,” Kakashi said without an ounce of remorse. “So can I have your number or what?” Iruka bristled. 

    “You're a piece of shit! I can't believe you, hitting on me like this right in front of your boyfriend! You have some nerve-”

    “Wait...boyfriend?” Kakashi cocked his head in confusion. “You mean Yams?”

    “The fuck do YAMS have to do with anything-”

    “Hi, that's me,” the short-haired man said, raising a hand. “Yamato, actually. 'Yams' to my friends. Which is what we are. Just...friends.” Iruka scowled at him suspiciously. 

    “Friends? Don't fuck with me. You brought him underwear-”

    “Really close friends,” Yamato reiterated. “Also, roommates. It's awful. I can't get away from him.” Iruka studied him for a moment, but couldn't spot any hint of deception. The man's almond-shaped eyes were surprisingly honest.

    “So you two...aren't dating?” he asked hesitantly. Yamato gave him a horrified look.

    “Dear God, NO. Kakashi is the WORST. He's lazy as hell, procrastinates til the last minute, is perpetually late to everything-”

    “You are a shit wingman-” Kakashi began. 

    “He needs to know what he's getting into,” Yamato snapped at him, then turned back to Iruka. “Seriously, though. You should run while you still can. There's hope for you.”

    “Don't listen to him,” Kakashi cut in. “I'm a fucking catch. Which is exactly why you should let your flaxen hair down, rip your shirt open to reveal your heaving bosom, and throw yourself into my arms-”

    “Will you cut that out?!” Iruka burst out impatiently. “Life is not a trashy romance novel.”

    “You sure about that?” Kakashi said, quirking an eyebrow. “Because I met you in a hospital through total coincidence. After really hitting it off, we had a misunderstanding brought on by miscommunication. Then I chased after you in a fucking wheelchair to declare my undying attraction to you. If that isn't a plot to a trashy romance novel, I don't know what the fuck is. At least it's not raining right now.”

    “I dunno, it might be drizzling,” Yamato said, glancing at a window.

    Iruka paused, considering.

    “I guess it...would make a pretty good book,” he admitted quietly. “The only thing is...I'm not sure what happens next.”

    “That part's for us to write,” Kakashi said, his tone eager. “Only we can complete the story.”

    “Aaaaand I'm going to puke,” Yamato stated. 

    “Sorry, we crossed the line from 'trashy' into 'sappy'.” Kakashi shook his head. “Anyway. Iruka. Please, I'm begging you. Let me sweep you off your feet. Just...give me a chance.”

    “I'll do you one better,” Iruka said after a pause. “I'll give you my number.” Stealing a marker from the nearby nurse's station, he bent and wrote his cell number on Kakashi's cast, then straightened and held out the bouquet. “Here, you can have these. The message works for you too, I guess.”

    Kakashi accepted the flowers with a laugh, taking an appreciative sniff. 

    “And now, I shall ride dramatically off into the sunset,” he said with complete seriousness. “Come, my valiant steed. Awaaaay!”

    “I will push you down the stairs,” Yamato grumbled as he spun the wheelchair around and started back down the hallway. Iruka watched them go with a fond smile on his face, giddy with anticipation. 

    He was eager to read the next few chapters in his life.

    Including the steamy bits. 

(Written for @kakairu-fest KakaIru Month 2021, Day Twelve Prompt: Hospitals)

[nicekillchanceballs]

I Might ◑

Pairing: timeskip!Akaashi Keiji x gn!reader Genre: Hurt/comfort, a little bit of romance and fluff? Synopsis: You just wanted your coffee. Instead, you got a stranger together with your drink. Word Count: ~3.7k A/N: I never thought this would be so long please don’t get bored. I also apologize for any grammatical errors, I am so rusty, lol. This is my first work in my Love Me ◑ series. Thank you!! -- sloth 🦥 Listen to I Might ◑ here.

It’s hard to vanish without a trace And whose idea was this in the first place? I might, I might, I might Fake my death tonight So we can start a whole new life

You always have been a regular of this coffee shop you're in right now. Ever since you were a university student, up until now that you're a writer for a lifestyle magazine, you always make sure to visit this café at least every 3 months to unwind and relax -- even if it meant that you will have to starve yourself for days so that you can have the money to treat yourself at this hidden gem of a place.

You ordered your usual. Upon receiving your drink and pastry, you took a seat and table on the balcony outside overlooking the lake below. You are the only person here because the other customers are inside the shop utilizing the fireplace and heater. It is kind of chilly, luckily, you sport a thick cardigan on. You took a deep breath and the scent of coffee, cinnamon, and pine trees helped in calming your nerves down.

As you took a sip of your caramel macchiato, you are mentally listing the reasons why this place became your go-to spot. First, it is located in a place up in the mountains, so it is very cold and only a few people are braving to go here. Second, the coffee and pastries this place offers deliciously hits your coffee-loving sweet tooth. For you, no amount of Starbucks or Tim Hortons can compete with this café. Lastly, and the most important, this place witnessed and cured you of your misfortunes and depression. Every time something bad happens, being the introvert that you are, you tend to go off the grid to escape and do your "soul searching", and this place helped you with that.

You brought out your journal and pen, scribbling random thoughts that fill your overactive brain. Your friend, who is a psychologist, advised you that whenever you feel overwhelmed, you can write the feelings or things that seem to engulf you. “It somehow will help you in releasing your frustrations instead of bottling it up,'' she said.

You looked up and admired the view this place has to offer. The sky is painted pastel orange with hues of blue and purple. You noticed that fog is already forming below, hugging the pine trees around the lake. The lagoon is calm as ever, reflecting the already setting sun. You smiled as you basked in peace and contentment.

However, your tranquility was kind of disturbed when the balcony glass doors opened and a tall man with short, black, tousled hair occupied a seat two tables away from you. He looked like he stepped out of a men's fashion magazine -- he was wearing black-rimmed eyeglasses, a beige turtleneck, black jeans, a long brown coat, and a satchel sling bag. He then settled his tray with his own coffee and pastry on his table. You immediately turned your head away, afraid that this beautiful man may have caught you staring. You felt heat from your cheeks forming as you carried on scrawling in your journal. He's so beautiful, you thought.

However, as you continued to write, you remembered the face of your boss making your blood slightly boil. Well, the reason you are here is because of the stress in your workplace -- asshole superiors, some good-for-nothing co-workers, shitty salary, unreasonable work hours, and your list goes on. Once I gained my needed years of experience, I will immediately resign, I swear on the grave of that ungrateful boss bastard. This anger made you forget about the pretty man meters away from you.

Little did you know that he is also staring at you. He noticed your furrowed eyebrows and the intensity of you jotting away at your notebook. He also noticed your reddened cheeks and the breath vapor that formed as you huffed in exasperation. He was not the one to be observant towards strangers (it is only his friends that he is concerned about), but you have this certain aura that entices him. He smiled as he gulped his black coffee, pulled out his laptop from his bag, opened it, and checked some emails.

You estimated that ten minutes have already passed and you are still writing, anger somehow dissipating when suddenly you heard a loud "Hey, hey, hey, can we talk to the manager?” inside the coffee shop. You sighed because now, your peace is totally disrupted. You whipped your head to look at the commotion inside and you saw a tall man with spiky gray hair and black streaks wearing a black hoodie and jeans. That loud guy was accompanied by another taller man with messy, spiky black hair wearing a white t-shirt tucked in his slacks. The store manager then approached them. What’s with very tall, beautiful people today wanting coffee? You thought.

Shrugging, you looked again at your notebook. Without thinking, you stole a glance towards the direction of the man seated meters away from you. You saw that he was pale and his eyes were wide, frozen in shock. His gaze fell upon you, realizing that you were looking at him. He immediately scrambled from his seat and briskly walked towards you. You instinctively panicked. What is happening?!

He stopped beside your seat and he instantly crouched down, as if hiding from something. You looked down at him, your eyes also a notch bigger than normal from shock. He then softly whispered, “Under no circumstances you will tell anyone, especially them --” he motioned towards the two men inside the shop -- “that I am here. Please.” His emerald eyes are practically begging you. Hypnotized by him, you just nodded. “I’ll just hide in the comfort room, just knock four times when they are gone.” He said and then clambered away from you, making his way towards the bathroom.

You took a deep breath and sighed loudly. You are very confused as to why the man was hiding. Is he a serial killer? Are the two tall men inside detectives or something? Or are they kidnappers? Hitmen? Is the pretty boy gonna be abducted? Your mind was in overdrive. You thought of just packing up and leaving the establishment, but you sympathize with the man you just spoke with. You don’t know why, but you can relate to him.

Your musings are interrupted as the lights in the balcony lit up. Oh, the sun has already set. You glanced at your wristwatch and it was already 6:30 PM. You heard the balcony doors open and the tall, black-haired man entered, with the gray-and-black haired man following suit. Oh, shit, they are here to question me.

“Hi.” The man with black hair smiled at you. “I am Kuroo, and the noisy one there is Bokuto.”

Bokuto is smiling widely, walking towards you but is distracted by the view of the city skyline. He ran and stood beside the balcony railings. “Man, it is beautiful and cold here in Miyagi!”

Kuroo scratched his head, “I apologize for my loud friend, but have you seen a man this tall ---” he gestured his hand just near his temples, demonstrating the height of the man you spoke with earlier -- “he has green eyes and black-rimmed eyeglasses.”

“Yes, yes, he looks preppy,” Bokuto said as he finally walked towards your seat.

You cleared your throat. You have this habit of clearing your throat when you are nervous. “No, I haven’t seen anyone with that description.” You lied as you nervously sip your now cold coffee.

“Oh really?” Bokuto pouted, deep in thought. He then looked at Kuroo, pointing at the other table. “That looks like his laptop and bag.”

You almost choked on your drink as you realized that the man left his things at his table. Shit. Your mind quickly formulated a shitty lie. “Uhm, it is a girl -- an employee that is seated there, not a man.”

“Employee?” They said in unison.

“Yes. An employee of this coffee shop. That’s her laptop. They are doing interviews earlier. Job openings…” You trailed off.

The two men just nodded. Bokuto sighed loudly. “Where did Akaashi run off to? I am getting worried. He’s gone for a week already! His ex-girlfriend is so mean!”

“Hey now, he is a grown-ass man okay? I know he knows what he is doing. Let’s just resume the search tomorrow, shall we?” Kuroo patted his friend’s back.

Bokuto looked at you with his somber, amber, owl-like eyes and said, “Thank you for your help. We are very sorry for disturbing you.”

“So we’ll leave you alone now, thank you again.” Kuroo nodded at you and the pair started walking out of the balcony. You awkwardly smiled at their backs.

When Kuroo closed the balcony glass doors, you noticed his cat-like eyes lingered on you for a moment, glimpsed at Akaashi’s table, and at you again. Maybe it is just the lighting inside the coffee shop, or it is only your imagination, but you saw a small, sly smile forming on his lips. He finally turned his back and walked away.

What the heck was that? Did he know that I’m lying?! I am really a shitty liar. You ran your fingers through your hair. You then stood up and glanced around, ensuring that the two men were really gone. You immediately went to the bathroom and knocked four times. There was no response but you can hear shuffling inside. You immediately went back to your seat on the balcony.

Minutes later, Akaashi emerged from the door, went to his table, and started to gather his things. Oh, he’s leaving already, what did I expect? You thought as you softly face-palmed yourself.

“Can I sit here?”

You removed your palm from your face and looked up at Akaashi. You felt your eyes widen again. “You... You were not leaving?”

“No, not yet.”

You just nodded and removed your bag from the seat across you. He then took the said seat.

"So.." He looked sideways, afraid to meet your eyes because of embarrassment. "I think I owe you an explanation."

You just nodded again, still dumbstruck by his charm.

“To start, I am Akaashi Keiji, well… You can call me Keiji.” He took a sip of his coffee. “And contrary to what Bokuto said earlier --”

“You heard them earlier?” You finally spoke, interrupting him. Oh god, he must have heard my pathetic lies earlier.

“Uhh, yes. Those two are so loud, they sound like they swallowed microphones or something.”

You chuckled at his snarky comment. “Yeah, they really are loud.”

“Anyway… Thank you so much for what you did earlier. I am truly sorry for dragging you into this.” He scratched his head. “Good thing they fell for your alibi.”

“Yeah, Bokuto fell for it. He must really miss you.” You broke a small piece from your chocolate chip cookie and munched on it. “But for Kuroo… I don't know. I think he knows.”

“Oh, Kuroo? He really is a pain in the ass.” Akaashi rolled his eyes and sighed. “So to continue, contrary to what Bokuto said earlier, it is not because my ex-girlfriend dumped me. It's been three months ago already. I kind of expected it because I caught her cheating so many times I cannot count it with my two hands.” He said nonchalantly while holding up both of his hands.

How can he be so cool about being dumped?! You thought, then you noticed that although calloused, he has very nice hands. Blue veins were prominent in his palms, running up toward his long, slender fingers. You want to punch yourself for noticing that at this time. Hey, stupid self, this is not the time for simping on a stranger!

He continued, “I disconnected from everyone because everything is overwhelming me. My job, my boss, bills, rent… Adulting is very hard, you know?” He droned on as he fiddled the cup sleeve of his coffee. "Also, I have always wanted to be a literary editor, but instead, they assigned me as an editor in a manga magazine."

You wanted to ask how he went off the grid because you’re interested in doing that too, but he continued on ranting.

“I am usually a calm and collected person.” Akaashi gulped again on his coffee. “I usually handle problems like a breeze, not even my friends can recognize that I have problems because I immediately find ways and solve them with ease. But now, I think I reached my tipping point, and it’s very hard to keep up with this front anymore. I am just tired, then I find myself driving away from Tokyo, and here I am.” He stared into your eyes, expecting for you to say something. Akaashi surprised himself that he bared his vulnerabilities upon a stranger.

Well, you are also astonished just the same. You realized it is getting serious.

“So.. how long have you been into hiding?”

He counted in his mind. “Today is the sixth day.”

You cleared your throat again. "Since you're very honest with me, can I be very honest with you too?"

He looked at you and nodded. "Yes please. I need it."

"Promise that you won't be mad or something?"

"I promise."

"Okay, let's start." You cleared your throat again because you're nervous. "First, it's okay to admit that you're hurt because your ex-girlfriend broke your heart."

"I am not hurt--" He muttered in protest.

"Ah ah ah." You interrupted him. "Your nonchalance about it did not match the way you narrated it. Too many words for someone who did not care."

Akaashi's eyes widened, as if slapped by the truth. He ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, okay, I think you're right." He exhaled loudly. "I gave her so many chances…" He trailed off.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later." He looked at you and in all seriousness said, "I am Akaashi Keiji and I admit I am hurt. My heart has been broken. Luckily, very recently, I think I am healing."

You smiled at him. Her ex-girlfriend must be stupid to dump a guy this pure and well.. good looking. “Okay, good, good!" You exclaimed as you took another bite of your cookie. "Well, I don't know if this helps, but I just learned that love is like trial-and-error. Some people get it right the first time, but most of the time, you will try, and try, and try, until you get it right…" Your voice trailed away.

Akaashi looked at his untouched croissant. "Yes, I think that helped." He flashed a faint smile and looked up again. "I'm ready for your next one."

"Okay. Here it goes. Yes, I very much agree that adulting is very hard."

"Right? They did not teach this in high school, nor in university." He poked his pastry.

"I cannot give insights on adulting because I'm going through it too, you know? I am just as lost as you." You removed the cup sleeve of your coffee and toyed with it. "But I can assure you, you and me, we are not the only ones lost. We just have to deal with asshole people, I guess?"

"Yeah. Fuck asshole people." He grinned.

You chuckled. You don't know why a sudden warmth spreads through your chest. Maybe it's because you made him smile? Or the fact that you, a stranger, comfort him? Or the relief that you are not alone dealing with the pressure of adulting? Or maybe all of the above?

"Ready for the third one?"

"Yeah."

"I am pretty much aware that I'm in no position to tell you this, but damn, editor already at such a young age?"

"It's not my dream job, though." He retorted.

"But you're still young." You smiled softly, even though you envy him. In the magazine company where you're working, you're only a writer, nothing more, nothing less. "You must be pretty awesome to be an editor already. You still have plenty of time to reach your dream job. No need to rush, it is not a race." Even though you're jealous of him, you can't help but be in awe of him. Good looking plus smart? Damn. I need to stop simping.

"Yeah." He rested his chin on his hands. "Once again, I guess you're right. What am I in a rush for?" He nodded. "Even though I just met you minutes ago, why are you easy to talk to? Why are you so good at this?" He looked at you with his bright, green eyes.

"Believe me, I don't know. I am usually silent but here I am, babbling things to a stranger.” You shrugged, chuckling. “I am only realizing these things now because of you. Earlier, I was down in the dumps too."

"I am going to ask you later why you are in the dumps, but in the meantime, I am ready for the next one."

You purse your lips. "Okay, Keiji, you must rejoice because this is the last one."

"Okay. I'll brace myself."

"Here it goes.” You held his gaze. “I think you're too hard on yourself. You need to loosen up."

He just blinked at you.

You folded your coffee cup sleeve and slowly tore it as you spoke. "Also, expressing emotions is not a sign of weakness. I think you are tiring yourself out because you keep a front that you are strong, that you have no problems.” You noticed that he winced. “Because of that, you get drained. You must remember that you are just as vulnerable as everyone."

He took a gulp of his now cold coffee.

You continue to tear your cup sleeve. “You don’t need to change how you act after this. You can still be withdrawn with your emotions towards others, I mean, it’s not easy to change yourself after one night, right? But the only thing important here is you need to be honest with your feelings. You should not apologize for how you feel. Also, it is never wrong to ask for help from others. If you’re hurt, acknowledge it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, acknowledge it. If you’re tired, acknowledge it.”

You exhaled, looked up at him, and saw his eyes were watery.

Shit, is he about to cry? “H-hey, I am sorry --”

His tears finally fell. “Oh.” He touched his cheeks wet from the tears and flinched. “It’s weird. It does not stop.” He pointed at his eyes with a slight panic in his voice.

You felt your eyes water too as you grabbed your packet of tissues inside your bag. “Here, you can wipe them if you want.”

“Thank you.” He removed his eyeglasses and wiped his cheeks. “I cannot stop it.” His tears are still streaming like a waterfall.

“Good lord, when was the last time you cried?” You asked, concerned.

“I-- I can’t remember. It’s a long time ago, I guess.” He sniffed, wiped his tears again, then weakly chuckled. “I am sorry for crying --”

“Ah ah ah.” You interrupted again. “Repeat after me. You should never ---”

He cut you off, “Never apologize for how I feel. Also, be honest with my feelings. Ask help from others.”

You smiled. “Great.” It then took about a good five minutes until his silent crying stopped.

He cleared his throat. “Hey. Thank you. Crying feels good.”

“It is not in my intention to make you cry, but you’re welcome, I guess?”

He chuckled. “Uhm, do you want another drink or pastry? It’s my treat.” He offered while he wore his eyeglasses again.

“Really? Wow, thank you.” My broke ass won’t let this one pass.

“On one condition. You’ll tell me about yourself too.”

“Okay.” You beamed. “But I think you’ll be bored.”

“Nope. I am all ears.” He smiled.

“Excuse me.” A barista walked to your table and smiled at both of you. “We will close in ten minutes, any additional orders?”

The both of you shook your head and thanked the barista. He went inside again.

You looked at your wristwatch. "It's almost midnight already?!"

"Really? Time flies so fast." Akaashi said. You did not see it but he looked at you with his soft eyes.

“So... Let’s go?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

The both of you packed up your things and went inside. He bowed to the store manager, then the both of you exited the coffee shop. It was so cold outside that you could see your and Akaashi’s breath. You tucked your hand inside your pockets.

“Hey. Did you also tell the manager about Bokuto and Kuroo?” You asked him.

“Yes. Thank god she is also cooperative.”

“You really thought about this, huh?”

“Of course. However, tomorrow, it’s finally time for me to appear before my friends.”

“I think Bokuto will bawl his eyes out.”

The both of you laughed.

When your giggles subsided, Akaashi spoke. “So…”

“Yeah, uhm, I’ll go this way.” You pointed at the other path. “The cabs are this way.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you, Keiji. Goodbye.” You smiled at him and started to walk away. I like him, I like to know him more, but god, he just came from a breakup. If I get attached, that would count as taking advantage of a vulnerable person, right?! You overthink as you felt your heart getting heavy with every step you take. I am very much going to regret this tomorrow. Very much. You continued to walk down the narrow path, thinking about the many things that happened today.

You are seriously pondering when you suddenly hear Akaashi shout your name, making you stop in your tracks. You turned around and he immediately appeared from your view, running, and halted in front of you.

“W-wait.” He panted, catching his breath. “You told me to be honest with my feelings.”

You just blinked at him, already panicking on the inside.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to you. “Please input your phone number. I want to see you again.”

“B-but Tokyo is far from Miyagi --”

“Ah ah ah.” He copied the way you interrupted him earlier and smirked. “It will be worth the drive.”

You felt your heart beat faster as if it wanted to escape your ribcage. “Okay.” You mustered as you typed your number in his phone and thanked the gods that it is somehow dark or else he will see your tomato cheeks right now.

You looked up at him and handed him his phone with your cold, trembling hands.

“This not a fake number?”

“What? No.”

“Just making sure.” He smiled at you.

The moon has never been so bright that night.

[yee-fxcking-haw]

•Affirmation•

Summary: Reader's dad is a dick, Bakugo does the big comfort. Just a short little comfort piece.

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugo x Reader (both 18+)

Warnings: Little bit of angst, degredation (not the fun kind), bad relationship with father, Bakugo is not great at comfort but he gives it the old college try.

Word Count: 1,640

A/N: This was for a request, the basic gist of the request was the reader having an asshole dad that doesn't support them, Bakugo over hearing it, reader breaking down a little then Bakugo giving some comfort. I hope you like it!❤️

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"You shouldn't have moved out so young, it was stupid and impulsive." The harsh, too familiar voice barks over the phone.

"I know." You choke out.

But you left me with no choice. You want to say that, but you don't have the guts.

"You knew damn well you'd never be able to make a living off of doodles."

Another wave of nausea washes over you, your hand tightens around your phone and starts to shake.

"I know…" You don't know, you don't agree, but you can't argue, it would be useless.

"Dad, please don't." You beg, voice wobbly with the tears you're holding back.

You should never have called them for money, you knew better. What choice do you have though? With three dollars to your name, rent to pay and groceries to buy.

You should be able to call your parents… should be. They've never supported your choices, especially your dad.

"Look, you've gotta figure this one out, I can't cure incompetence." Ice settles in your gut as he hangs up.

He wouldn't help you, your mom wouldn't help you.

They had always laughed at your desire to become a comic book illustrator, calling it a useless path, a waste of time. Defeated and helpless, you crawl into bed.

You'll give your two weeks tomorrow, find a real job, maybe keep drawing as a hobby.

The thought makes you sob, the feeling settles into the base of your being, deep and aching.

"What are you crying for?" A grumble of a voice echoes from your doorway.

"Suki, please, not now." Katsuki is a lot of things, comforting is not one of them.

He waits for a moment, you just bury your face further into the blankets, clutching a pillow to your aching chest.

"Was that your dad?" He asks, his voice taking on a softer tone.

You don't answer, just nod and sniffle.

You hear him whisper something about shitty people, then feel the mattress dip.

"He's an asshole, he's gonna act like an asshole."

Not helping.

You flop onto your back, tears pouring out of your eyes as you glare at him.

"Shit, you're actually crying." He scrambles up the bed, he grabs you and hauls you into his lap, almost cradling you like a baby.

"What happened? Do I finally get to blast him to pieces? Just say the word baby, I'll-"

"I'm gonna stop drawing." You admit quietly.

"Huh?" He sounds almost offended.

You snuggle into his warm chest then blink up at him, ruby eyes look at you with honest confusion.

"I can't keep doing it. I can't afford anything, I'm not that good, my parents hate me for it." God it hurts, it makes your insides feel so raw.

He grabs the side of your cheek, forcing you to make eye contact.

"Fuck that, fuck them. You're incredible, -hey, look at me-" Halfway through his sentence you pull your head away and press your face into his chest.

"Hey, firecracker, look at me, please?" The nickname pulls at your heart a little, he's called you that since you met, since you were the only one with enough balls to give his shit right back to him.

When you refuse to look up, he just holds you tightly to his chest. You soak up the body heat, inhale his smell, revel in the way he clings to you.

"Listen to me, then, you're talented, you're capable, and you're so fucking beautiful. Parents are just a bunch of old dumbasses that get off on telling their kids what they can't do." He's trying so damn hard to keep his voice down, you can tell by the way he's gripping you.

"I'll help you with whatever you need." He places a kiss on top of your head, a little rough, but that's just Katsuki.

"No, I can do this, I just have to get a better job." You insist with a pitiful voice.

"I know you can, but you don't have to. I can't let you give up on drawing, not with the talent you have." He runs a hand through your hair as he talks, the motion soothes you immensely.

"I know parents suck, especially when you don't do what they have planned for you, but you have to keep doing what you love. Please, let me help you." He almost sounds frantic, it makes your heart melt.

Katsuki loves you, you know he loves you, he'd bring buildings to the ground for you.

"It's too much, I can't ask you to help with all of it." You wipe your eyes with your sleeve before looking up at him again.

"Is living here the biggest issue?" He asks, still running his hands through your hair.

You nod, defeated and overwhelmed.

"Move in with me." When he says it, he sounds almost as shocked as you feel.

"What?" You ask.

"I'm serious, when was the last time we actually slept in our own homes? Or even showered separately, there's no point in living apart anymore."

He has a point, a very good point. Though, something doesn't sit well with you.

"I'm not a charity case, Suki, would you even be asking me this if I wasn't crying over my dad?" Your question is genuine, but he seems so hurt by it.

"I would be, I've wanted to."

He's dead serious.

You scramble to sit up straight, moving so you can straddle him as he leans against the headboard. You grab the sides of his face and make him look directly at you.

"Katsuki, if this is a prank I will fucking kill you." You say, shaking him a little as you talk.

A small smile creeps onto his face, eyes full of adoration. He reaches up to hold your face as well, thumbs catching the remaining tears.

"You couldn't if you tried, but it's not a prank. Please, come live with me." He grabs one of your hands, brings it to his mouth, then kisses your palm.

"I'm also serious about you being talented." He kisses your wrist.

"And capable." He pulls you in to kiss your neck.

"And so fucking beautiful." He plants one, dedicated kiss to your lips.

"Ok." You say, breathless.

"You will?" He asks, his voice taking on a giddy tone.

His hands snake around your waist and starts kissing you wherever he can, frantic and needy.

"And you're gonna keep drawing?" He pauses, looking up at you with sweet, honest eyes.

You turn to mush when he looks at you like that, without fail.

"Do you think I should?" You play with the collar of his t-shirt, quickly forgetting your father's harsh words.

"Baby, I love your work, I love watching you work. Please don't stop because of some fuck head that couldn't see talent if it hit him in the nuts." He lays his chin on your chest, still looking up at you with a devoted gaze.

"Can we get a dog?" You ask, hands coming up to play with his wild, blond hair.

He gives you a dramatic pout before pressing his face into your sternum.

"We can get a cat." He says against your chest, voice muffled by your body.

You giggle as he pulls you closer.

"I'll keep drawing if we get a dog." You bargain.

He grumbles against your chest before pulling away to look up at you.

"A rescue?" He asks, bright eyes looking up at you hopefully.

There he is, the giant teddy bear hiding under the man that swears like a sailor and makes threats like a hit man.

"Of course." You lean down and kiss his nose.

Somehow, through his reassurance and his desire to have you close, Suki has managed to dull the ache of the parental disapproval.

"I love you." You sigh, hands snaking around his neck.

"I love you more, and I'll wipe the floor with anyone who makes you feel like you're less than incredible." He leans up to kiss you long and hard, lips working perfectly against yours.

"Can we go look at dogs now?" He asks when he pulls away.

"Oh? Mr. 'We can get a cat.'?" You tease him, ruffling his hair as you slide off his lap.

You try to walk towards the closet, but he catches you around the waist from behind, caging you with his strong arms.

"You're talented, say it." His voice is low in your ear, making goosebumps raise on your flesh.

He has this thing that he makes you do, something about verbally affirming yourself until you believe it.

You roll your eyes and pull at his arms.

"Huh uh, no dog until you say it." He kisses your neck gently.

"No dog, no drawing." You shoot back.

"Baby."

"Fine, I'm talented." You huff.

"You're capable." He continues, squeezing you tighter.

"I'm capable." You don't believe it, but Suki does, and that's what matters.

He spins you in his arms, hands coming up to cradle your cheeks.

"You're beautiful." It's more of a breath, a whisper, his voice soft and soothing.

You glare up at him, not willing to say those words. He gives you a serious look, all stern and unwavering.

"I'm beautiful." You say as quietly as you can.

"You are." He kisses your forehead, breathing out as he pours his love over you.

"Who's a badass?" He says as he pulls away, a smile cracking across his face.

"I'm a badass." You can't help but laugh, chest bubbling with admiration for your determined boyfriend.

"Hell yeah you are," He presses one more kiss into your lips, "Let's go get that damn dog."

Katsuki Bakugo is many things, maybe comforting isn't one of them, but he's learning.

[celestialrry]

call me baby

psa: this might have a part 2 if anyone wants it, ik its a shitty ending lol but I wouldn’t know what to write after this. also I have another angst piece in the works but its literally taking so long to write 😖

1.8k

summary: Being hopelessly in love with your friend isn’t ideal, especially when Harry doesn’t even seem to see you as more than a therapist. 

warnings: angst, pining, cursing

You looked over at your phone, now vibrating against your bedside table, lit up with his contact photo, a picture of him sticking his tongue out. “Hi.” You picked it up, wrapping your free arm around your torso, sitting up a bit straighter out of instinct even though he couldn't see you.

“Hey, love. Can I get some advice?” He asked through the phone, his voice a bit gravely and deep as always. You silently sighed, biting your lip in hesitation. Everytime you’d get a call from him, he would either rant about his current partner, get advice about them, or just want you to be there when he needed someone to talk to.

Of course you would always be there for him, regardless of time, space, and anyone he gave his heart to. He was Harry Styles for god's sake, your friend since forever, the man who treated everyone like they were the best thing in his life, most of the time at least. He lit up any room he was in and when you’d see him it would always be fulfilling, even if the two of you sat in silence in a room of just four walls.

“Of course, what’s up?” You asked after a brief moment of silence. It was currently 4 in the morning in your single room flat in London and you didn’t think Harry knew that, but you weren't going to tell him.

“It’s just, Ana’s has been so clingy lately and we’ve only been together officially for 3 weeks. It’s making me want to end things.” Harry admitted into the phone. You almost rolled your eyes at his words. Not once has he called you to ask about you in months, but that's just how things were. You weren’t sure why you expected anything else.

“If you aren’t happy with her, end it,” You spoke up after a while, unsure if you were giving him the advice because you were desperate to be with him or it was genuinely what he should do.   “There’s no point in being with her if you’re considering ending it over her being clingy.”

You heard him sigh into the phone before speaking up. “Yeah, we’ll see, thanks,” He said your name. You smiled a bit at that. It was crazy how he could make you feel so special by just the tone of his voice, absurd, really,

“ ‘Course. So-” Before you could say anything else you heard the beep of the phone being hung up. You took a deep breath, trying to think of how Harry and you were before everything changed.

2 years ago

“I can’t believe you’re officially moving to L.A.” You said as you stood in his bedroom doorway, watching him pack up his last few clothes.

“Me neither.” He simply said.

Before you could stop it, you felt a salty tear roll down you cheek. As you wiped it away, he turned around, his face dropping all previous joy, concern flooding his features.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He used the nickname he gave you 11 years ago when we were 10. It was crazy how the two of you had known each other so long, and now you were both 21, and he would be living in the city of angels.

“Just gonna miss seeing you as often as I usually do is all.” You laughed, the tears flowing more freely now. One Direction had just gone on hiatus and after spending some time at home, Harry decided to switch it up a bit. You didn’t understand why he couldn’t just switch it up by not wearing skinny jeans everyday, but it seemed he wanted something bigger than that.

He pouted and walked over to you, giving me a hug before mumbling in your ear, “I’ll call you everyday. Promise.”

Promises were made to be broken, it seemed. He only calls you when he needs a hand, and only answers if he’s alone. You wish you found it more frustrating than painful, maybe that way it would be easier to move on, but you have yet to do so. You’ve asked yourself why you were still silently pining over him, with no answer in sight.

The last time you saw Harry in person was almost a year ago, when he came back to visit his family. Up until that trip he called you everyday, or close too, wanting to know about you day or he just “wanted to hear your voice”. Then when we were together it was like no time had passed while he was away.

1 year ago

“Oh shut up.” You scoffed, lightly punching his bicep.

He just laughed in return, rubbing his arm acting like you had actually hurt him.

“I feel like you just got back and now you’re leaving again,” you said after a bit, knowing he was leaving the next morning. “Plus,” you added, gently playing with his hair. “I’m gonna miss your hair, it’s so fun to braid.”

He looked over at you as your hand fell to rest on his shoulder, running your fingers through his curls. “I know, but I’ll come back soon. I’ll try not to cut my hair for you, don’t worry.” He smiled at you, leaning over and pulling you into a hug.

You just returned his grin and hug, and stuck your fingers through the ringlets, having way too much fun with his hair. You noticed he was looking at you the entire time you were messing with his hair, but you convinced yourself it was because he had nowhere else to look.

Eventually, you were so close to him you could see freckles you never had before. Your breath hitched, not knowing if you should backup or not, your hand still resting on his shoulder in his curls. Then all of a sudden he was far away again, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Your heart ached with the love you had for Harry, and it seemed nothing could cure it except him and when you woke up the next morning and instinctively checked your phone, you frowned as you noticed no notifications from the one person you truly wanted to hear from.

You weren’t sure when your hurt extended from the pain of practically losing a friend to the pain of not being able to be with someone you love. You weren’t sure when you started seeing his lips as kissable and not something to put lipstick on for fun. You weren’t sure when you started looking at his hands as something to hold and not as a blocker for your playful punches.

You weren’t sure when you started stealing glances more than you usually did or avoiding eye contact because it made you nervous. You weren’t sure when your stomach was no longer empty and then filled with butterflies. You weren’t sure when he stopped calling just to talk, or when he stopped picking up. All you were sure of was that you were hopelessly in love with someone who could never feel the same.

                                                            ✧˖*°࿐

He called a few more times about the same girl, Ana. You had spoken to your friend about it, and you were slowly getting over him. Each time you were getting cut off and hung up on, and it took a really long time for you to know you deserved better. He hadn’t called you since he attempted once and you didn’t answer. It went on for a few months, he would call you almost everyday, alongside texts like “Hello?”, “Pick up, please?”, and the text that came last before you blocked him, “Are you okay?”. He didn’t deserve to know, and sure maybe you shouldn’t have just cut off all contact, but there was no other way to get over him.

A month after you blocked him, and you were no longer sulking when you checked your phone and no longer crying to sleep. You were becoming happy thanks to your self control, and finally learning that just because Harry didn’t love you, didn;t mean you shouldn’t love yourself.

You were sitting on your couch when there was a knock at your door. You looked up from the book in your lapa and stood up, scurrying to the door, not wanting the person at the other side to be waiting.

You swung it open, met with the last face you expected to see. He looked concerned almost, and almost immediately you were wrapping in his arms, after over a year he was holding you once more. Except this time you didn’t want it. You pushed him off of you and stepped back. “What are you doing here Harry?” You asked, a scowl on your face.

“I-y’wouldn’t answer me and then nothing went through, god, I was so worried, love-”

“No,” You shook your head. “Don’t call me that, you can’t just come here after being an asshole to me for over a year. You are not allowed to be worried about me, not when you haven’t bothered to ask how I am after all this time.”

His mouth dropped open in shock, you were always so calm, you never had yelled at him before. “I’m sorry-”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” You pursed your lips.

“Just let me explain,” He said, hesitating like he was trying to find an answer to this, but you knew whatever he told you, nothing would change. “I-when we saw each other last, we almost kissed, or at least I almost kissed you, I love you, I was so scared that y’wouldn’t feel the same, and I guess I got caught up in trying to make you jealous. Please, m’so sorry.”

He took a step towards you and you took two steps back. There was no way he felt the same as you did- you had. And even if he did, you always knew he was shit at handling feelings, but there was no excuse.

“No, you can’t do that, say that. I don’t care if you mean it or not,” You began, tearing up. “That-thats’s so fucking terrible to do to someone, especially if you love them. I’m tired Harry, I’m done with you, I’ve been done with you for months.”

“What?” He asked, like he couldn’t believe you.

“Please leave.”

Your heart broke at your own words, but you couldn’t forgive him. Not now, and maybe not ever.

“Please I-”

“I said leave, Harry.”

You could see his watery eyes as he opened his mouth to protest once more, but then closed it. There was nothing he could say. Not anymore. He was always leaving, but this time, for the first time, you wanted him to.