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pdanno · 1 year ago

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i’m just fuming over my job rn lol (forgive the rant but it’s me getting mad over labor regulations or the lack thereof)

i’m an RA (resident assistant in a university/college) and going through training. and it’s absurd the lack of labor laws or boundaries expressed. housing as an organization is cultish.

it should be noted because of special classification RAs are not typical employees, are not protected under the fair labor law standards, and if we try to unionize I don’t think there is much in the way of preventing our employer from firing everyone and hiring other broke college kids. which is particularly insidious because where you live is also then in jeopardy. and unionization is hard- most ppl in the role are always first years, a few second years and almost no third years. so ppl just leave as soon as they join. not to mention the role inherently means you live where you work, so housing seems to believe the job becomes your identity and life. there are no boundaries.

i start training at 9am, and then at 12 i don’t get a real break; i am required to eat lunch with all my coworkers and talk about things with them for the duration of lunch. if I’m lucky and get out early I might have 15-20 minutes to myself before training goes for another 4 hours. then another required meal period where my supervisor asks us questions. then some “optional” socials or “mandatory” extra training for half an hour to an hour and a half.

it is a requirement we eat meals as a team on weekends, and i didn’t even get the days off because sunday had 2 hours required meals and 3 hours required “activities.”

and then we are also expected to decorate the hall floor, make door decorations, start prepping for arrivals. all on our own time. if we do not meet expectations regarding this it’s going to be brought up by supervisors.

so today i was at required activities from 9am-6:30pm with 2 extra hours of work besides. counting meals, which I would because it’s not really free time, that’s 10.5 hour day. and i’m not getting paid until the end of the month. but it’s like 12 grand for the year bc my housing and meal plan is free plus other stuff. but it’s so not worth the emotional toll lmao. i love the people but I cannot stand the attitude to work and work ethic.

like even just, the hourly pay for on call expectations would be so different if it were fair. as of right now we do not get paid for that.we get a financial aid package (about 11k you are not spending but are also like. not receiving? personally they phrase it like it’s compensation when i think it’s distinctly just not charging you, therefore not having a profit on their end is not compensation on ours, and also that i think the role generates more value than they lose by providing housing.)

and a stipend of about $200 a month.

but please understand their expectation is that you are always always always working, in customer service mode, when you are in your living space. any time you see a resident you are not you. you are an RA . i sometimes dread going to the bathroom.

IMO fair compensation JUST IN THAT aspect would be a low base hourly pay rate for on-call (we are geographically restricted and cannot legally leave, which is usually grounds for a base on call pay. but oops this is a student position and we are not afforded those labor rights.) and higher rate when actively responding to complaints. however nope i’m just gonna have drunk teenagers try to hug me covered in vomit for 200 bucks a month thanks. plus on call is 14 hours every week. and then there’s weekends where it’s occasional 48 hour shifts. always being ready to respond to emergencies.

idk i feel like the role itself is inherently exploitative. I also understand most of my complaints are with capitalism and not like anything like too specific to my university. but god i want my parking to be covered. i don’t need to spent money on a permit for this shit. i try testing the waters and saying i think we should get parking permits and get shot down because “we are the best compensated in the state” well maybe we shouldn’t be aiming to be the best of the worst now huh? what’s wrong with wanting more?

same supervisor has complained in the past about small responsibilities being changed to make the job easier as “getting less work for more money” AS IF THAYS A BAD THING???? THAT IS THE END GOAL. everyone should always be slowly doing less work for more money- more efficiency. but not the case when you moralize work i suppose. i feel bad for him sometimes. he’s a nice person but his has drank the kool aid so thoroughly it’s unbelievable. that since he had to work x amount of jobs and burn himself out, that’s a reasonable expectation to have of other ppl? like ok sure

i am already making their lives more difficult bc i want to take care of myself and I advocate for myself. so i’ve been on the upper staff radars like 3 fucking times in one week. because i need their OH so gracious permission to take my ADULT ASS off campus to eat dinner with people that are not them. thanks for the fucking hall pass assholes. something about that feels genuinely dystopic.

speaking of, we are only allowed 14 nights off campus. like wtf. even when i am not on call i am geographically restricted? what kind of bullshit is that. it’s a huge load of it is what it is. this includes weekends btw.

i understand this is a very privileged take though. I keep the position bc it’s good for my pocket and I can help ppl. But I think it’s fair to criticize either way. im grateful for the reduced bill cause helps a lot for my debt. mental health tho… hahaha :(

TLDR

The RA position is setting people up who are early in their careers, or new to professional environments, and it is telling them that these unhealthy expectations are normal and expected, to the extent that the rest of their lives they will be constantly exploited without ever realizing it. Because this job teaches them that it is both acceptable and normal. it’s bad.

#vent #i guess?? wjrjfjwnr #complaining rly #resident assistant #fuck this job

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4xiaojun · 1 year ago

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ok idk how active everyone is on here but i just received an ask that really encouraged me to get back into writing lol

obviously dear diary I hate jungwon was written well over a year ago now and even tho i did post a few fics on blr after that I wanna start ✨ fresh ✨

SO PLEASE VOTE WHICH ONE OF THE BELOW FICS I SHOULD WORK ON NEXT! (the summaries are just rough rn but they give the gist of the idea of what I’m working on)

option A: jungwon x fem!reader, rivals to lovers, in which jungwon is the student body president of your really REALLY broke school and you beg him to convince the teachers into giving your class a prom for when you graduate. but in order raise money for it, the two of you need to fundraise and through this you spend more time with each other and start to grow romantic feelings for each other yadadadada

option B: heeseung x fem!reader, enemies to lovers but not really you just really hate heeseung lol, in which you are the student body president of your college and your biggest challenge is anonymous blog “The Whisperer” that loves spilling dangerous tea of people at college, it isn’t until the infamous player Heeseung decides to mess with you that your name suddenly starts appearing in the blog. desperate to hide your secrets, you team up with Heeseung to find out who is behind the blog DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

ok so both the summaries are really shit but YOU GET THE IDEA RIGHT ??? I’ve alr written like 2k for the jungwon one and 5k for the heeseung one so I’ve got head starts on both it’s up to whatever u guys are interested in tbh 😭

#jungwon x reader #heeseung x reader #💭!rants

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felix-3002 · 1 year ago

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i don't know if anyone will even see this at all, but if you do happen to come across this, I'm so sorry for this absolute bummer of a story. if you don't have the energy or mental capacity rn to read about a traumatic even im currently gking through, then please don't read this. sorry in advance abiut typos or mistakes, im extremely tired and emotional atm. this afternoon, a fire broke out in a town very close to my home. this isn't uncommon for where i live, since it's the middle of summer and wildfires are just a Thing here. after observing the fire slowly getting closer and bigger for a little while, we decided to grab important things like money, IDs, phones and drinking water and just start walking in the opposite direction of where the fire was coming from. we didn't have a car available at that moment, bc someone was using it. we sat and watched the fire from further away for about two hours, as we didn't really have much of a choice. we witnessed it get worse by the minute, with more black smoke rising up every time we dared to hope that it might be going okay. after quite a while, we managdc to get ahold of the person who had our car, and he was able to pick us up aboht half an hour later. I'll go ahead and skip way forward, because right now the fire has been going strong for nine whole hours already. i cant go home, i dont know if there even is a home to go back to. people have been babying me and pitying me all night and i am having a horrible time trying to holf myself together. i am currently having to spend the night at someone elses place, someone who i barely know, but who has been so kind and helpful throughout this whole shit show of a day. i am having an incredibly difficult time dealjng with my emotions right now, amd i dont want to bother my best friend with this at the moment, since she lives in a different country, is currently drunk and gets very emotional wheneved she knows that im in trouble or in distress. im sorry, i just needed to sort of. talk about stuff, ig. sorry about my writing, english is my third language, and like i said, im exhausted and insanely emotional right now. im going to try and get to sleep, because i really dont want to be awake anymore. lets hope i still have a home tomorrow.

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yourbleedingh3art · 2 years ago

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Some updates.

I’m not pregnant … cuz I’m bleeding out of my VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!! Pairs of shorts/pants stained so far from this excursion: 2

Days of sobriety if I pretend I didn’t take three hits off that boys blunt: 24

Days of sobriety since I hit that blunt: 5

I still haven’t bought any weed for myself, and I didn’t text my ex even though it’s been a torturous carrot in front of my face, but Poems I’ve written about him instead: 2

My piece is getting workshopped today and it’s rainy and I sweat in my sleep and I keep having dreams about my body getting torn apart or me dying in a car crash and last nights dream was just me constantly getting overstimulated and interrupted and not having a moment to myself to breathe [Contributing heavily to Sleep-Sweat]

My big exam is today! Not sure how it will go. But happy it will be out of the horizon. Went to a study group last night and tried to watch a review video. Times I’ve fallen asleep while I tried to finish this review video: 3.

Emails I need to send: 3

My therapist didn’t do something she told me she would do and then I sent her an email about it and I still haven’t heard back. And that’s sad and if I dwell on it I think I will get upset. I’ve just been so sick of being upset lately and so maybe I have been ignoring every possible thing that is painful by pretending it is not painful and maybe this is why it escapes into my dreams which I used to not even really have because of how much weed I smoked and the funny thing is that’s such a major change in my life and I don’t really feel different at all . My parents say I’m different but oh please. I’m skeptical. Skeptics annoy me. I’m becoming annoying!!!! Just kidding. ☂️☔️

Writing in my diary has slowed down because I don’t want to take up the pages saying nothing and it’s hard to figure out what feels important to say. It’s weird how progress seems to change nothing. I’ve made these changes to be “better” which is loaded. I’m trying to exist better? But does that make me feel better? My prescription. For myself: Be more aware of the present moment and how you actually feel in the present moment

Writing and reading 📖 Has been a Best friend again

Music: Not hitting as hard. Obviously i always love music but

Food: yum. Been eating a lot of it. Getting to the point where im scared I’m gonna run out soon and why does grocery shppping sound so terrible… It’s the money. Im Brokey broke. Hmm. So the next question is will I get. A job. However. I hate that question. Ok. I will send some of the emails I have to send now ….

Oh and this is tonight! I think I will go? If I feel like being out at night in the dark . Don’t come at me w commitment y’all…. Weird rn. Therapy on Friday tho

#blog post

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count-snekula · 4 months ago

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i know i don’t post often on here anymore, so you guys have absolutely every right to ignore this. but please don’t.

the past couple years have been incredibly rough for me physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. i literally almost died to bring my son into this world last year.

i’m not able to hold a job right now. i can’t even get hired anywhere. we’re broke, and my husband and i are starving. i’m trying so hard to find work, but as a disabled person it’s really hard to do so while in active starvation. we’re on limited state resources because they got approved when i was still employed, so all of it is going to feeding my son. no changes have been made to our snap benefits since my loss of employment, despite reporting it.

please help us. i have so much wrong with me that requires me to eat on a regular basis and it’s just not possible to even do that rn. i’m also months behind on bills and not able to pick up any prescriptions i need because i can’t afford them, either.

ANYTHING helps us.

my cashapp is $katsighsalot, and so is my paypal. it’s a damn shame that the economy is so bad i literally have to starve myself to feed others. all i can do is ask for help.

ETA - my husband can’t work in our state, he’s been employed by too many places in a short period of time to be considered for employment here. we’d have to move elsewhere, with no money to do so, for him to be able to work. with me out of commission as breadwinner, all hell’s broken loose.

#crowdfunding #fundraiser #help me #mine #text #shut up katy #mutual aid #disabled #disability

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yaminerua · 9 months ago

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god please let £180,000 materialise out of the sky this year bc if it doesn’t somehow I don’t know what I’m going to do tbh

a fucking remortgage taken out when I was a child while my parents battled against a fraudulent company that screwed us over over 20 years ago is haunting me still.

bc the mortgage lender refused to remove my mum even tho she didn’t want anything to do with it after divorcing my dad in 2006. In 2018 she started trying to force the house to be sold and in 2019 my dad’s then gf paid off the whole thing, thus removing the problem, until she decided to fucking become the problem…

She paid it off under the guise of helping us while she was still dating him and then turned around almost immediately and demanded we pay it back to HER instead swiftly despite knowing our situation.

The woman has multiple empty houses and she wants to add ours to it and we can’t get any fucking help like not even the police would help even when dad showed them her crazy texts. This is the same woman who worked as a GP and sent my dad limericks she wrote about how suicidal the idea of losing the house makes me. Literally made lots of joking messages about my mental health and how ‘losing the house’ would ‘teach’ me. She referred to me almost exclusively as ‘VB’ which she explained in the first text she sent my dad about it stood for Violet Bott, a spoiled brat from a book series who would ‘scream and scream until sick’ to get her way. she wanted to characterise my terror at the prospect of losing the fucking house to being a brat who needed to be taught a lesson…

Dad stayed with her even tho she was batshit bc she promised she would help. And then as soon as she had, she broke things off and demanded full repayment. And look at us now. 5 years later all we’ve been able to pay each month is the £600 interest She charges on top and we’ve made no dent on the original £180,000.

We were only given 5 years by her to pay it off (and that’s not even talking about the moment she tried to force it to be 6 months right as dad was being pressured to sign the contract). That was in 2019 so some time in the summer of this year the time will be up and I’m fucking terrified.

I’ve never begged for donations bc I didn’t really think there was any chance it could make a realistic dent. I couldn’t even get enough money to buy a replacement laptop and this is much more than that. there are countless other causes that need urgent donations rn and I just felt guilty even thinking of making my own plea for assistance bc 180,000 is such a big number to ask for.

I don’t know what to do. There’s no way we’ll make that money in time and I’m fucking terrified. I don’t think I can cope with whatever happens

#Personal shit #I’ve been trying not to think about it #bc in 2022 I had to have mental health interventions bc it was making me melt down every day #now I’m just sort of numb with fear bc it’s only months away now #and there’s not really any hope of paying it off bc no one can help

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the1975attheirverybest · 11 months ago

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No that’s so true, it is him. It’s really sad because whenever im drunk all I think about is him but whenever he’s drunk, it’s like he hates me and im getting in his way of having a good time.

I feel I’ve made an awful mistake agreeing to move back home for uni, but atleast I’ve realised it now before we’ve decided to move in together and stuff. I mean look at me, 21 years old and thinking about getting house with a guy??? I’m literally a baby 🥹 I don’t want to move back home next year and live here forever, I want to experience life away from my family again, I really enjoy that and my family enjoy seeing me happy when im away too. He’s the only person that isn’t happy about it.

Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t expecting him to be really happy about me wanting to move away, but I didn’t expect him to persuade me to stay. I don’t have many friends at home, but he argued that I have “no friends at uni” which is so not true. I have lots of amazing friends at uni.

I took him to Edinburgh last week as a birthday trip for him. It was a disaster. He was on his phone the whole time, even at dinner. I was looking around when we were in bars and stuff and people were so engrossed in their conversations and here I was staring at my boyfriend who was constantly on his phone. He complained the whole time about anything and everything, and it really got to me because I’m a broke student rn, I don’t really have the money to be taking us to Edinburgh but I saved for it and he didn’t really appreciate it.

All of these things are just adding up and adding up. I’m really scared to break up with him, he’s so manipulative and I know it won’t be a clean break up, he’ll call me for months and won’t stop texting me. Even if I block his number, he’ll find a way. And stupid me will forgive him because it’s easier to see him content than angry and upset.

Thank you so much tho to both you and Vee! I need you both on my shoulders all day repeating your advice to me 😂 you’re both so lovely and Im so glad I reached out. I don’t feel stupid anymore like he makes me feel. 🩷🩷

Is there any way that you can get out of moving back? If you break up with him, could you get a flat share with a friend or something? You don’t have to do this! Not if you don’t want to!

What a selfish person he must be to feel entitled enough to spend his birthday trip, an expensive and difficult thing to save up for, on his phone! I’d wanna spend a special time like this with my loved ones, socially the loved one who planned this whole trip!!!! Fr I think if anyone did something that sweet for me I might just cry.

I hope you’ll dump his ass sooner rather than later. It doesn’t sound like he appreciates how giving you are. In fact it sounds like he takes advantage of your kindness. There are only so many chances you can give to someone who isn’t reciprocating.

I know it’s hard. But you have to remember that it’s over. He may not WANT it to be over, which is why he’ll have things to say and try to reach out, but you don’t even have to read his texts or emails or dms or anything. You can just delete them or have a friend do it for you. Once it’s over, you’re not his gf anymore you don’t owe him time or energy or respect. He’s a stranger to you. You got shit to do. A life to live.

Please write back soon to give me the good news that you left him. 🩷

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lambentplume · 1 year ago

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alright i’m literally going to save this for when i go see my therapist again so um. no one needs to read or respond at all i just can’t sit up or grip a pencil rn so i’m laying in bed writing this. lol. please god i hope readmore works i am so sorry

it’s getting really dire out here. so i work part time at a cafe which is dying due to managerial neglect/chronic overstaffing/being under resourced and that pays me $12/hr plus tips. i’m still recovering from the time our espresso machine (which is. a major source of appeal for a fucking espresso based cafe) broke… the job that USUALLY ensures i have enough to live is now not enough. i also have two internships that total 25 hours per week and they’re both in separate but not unrelated fields that i’m Thinking about going into. both of which are relatively easier on my body and i like the work so far.

the issue is that i’ve been in my head for SO LONG about what kind of job i should be working. i was going to have a full spiral earlier today but thank god the shift ended lol. bc my coworker is a polisci/ethnic studies major, we were talking about positionality and the ways that academia, eapecially the western idea of “social sciences” (which is . what i study) exploita the communities it studies when not done with careful critical or community-based methodology. and as someone who wants to potentially join investigators studying the social ramifications of labor done in the specific context that i grew up in, from a worker’s and also generational and also academic jargon perspective (side note: i genuinely think there is a case for connecting the modern exploitative tourist hospitality industry to underserved communities’ ability to seek help and thrive like STRUCTURALLY in terms of the way these schedules are fucking built) i’m kind of… working my way up the ladder. learning research methodologies by doing that ground-level work and pushing paper for the PIs who actually do the Cool Work. AND ALSO STILL WORKING ON MY BACHELORS WHILE BEING A RENT PAYER … i also finally admitted to this coworker that i dropped out of the US east coast PWI i went to in order to come home bc i couldn’t handle it socially and i feel like. being a poc who has living relatives who worked on plantations and who is CONSTANTLY reminded that i have far more privilege than i could ever grasp etc is making me feel a little insane. like my dad Doesn’t talk to me about it because he does Not feel like articulating it and i’m Never going to understand which is true. like i will Never Understand. i should be a bit happier that the internships are paying me more just to sit and do brainwork instead of busting ass and people pleasing all day but i’m so afraid. of . being . incompetent. that i just work because i’m happy to work i need to feel useful i need everything to add up so bad. i need more than one full day off from responsibilities but i can’t afford it. i’m going to fall behind and not be good at anything and forget big theses if i can’t even pay rent. like what IS the point!! other more eloquent and better-equipped and driven people who know what they want should have it! i will just shrink my presence until i shrivel away!!!!!!!! god.

and then i feel the need to legitimize my hobbies and interests like bro 😭😭😭 who fucking cares if i miss the OT 5th anny people are drawing pieces bc they feel like it!!!

this is WHY i can’t chase clout this is why i didn’t go to risd this is why i dropped out of brown. so why am i still attached to the idea that i need to be institutionally validated (THERE IS MONEY IN INSTITUTIONAL VALIDATION. END UNDERPAYMENT I WANT TO KERMIT!!!!)

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machine-gun-casie · 4 years ago

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tavern music

synopsis: corpse hears tavern music coming from your room (gn!reader)

warnings: rpf, reader gets cheated on, kind of unrequited feelings, mostly hurt/comfort and physical affection tho (what im trying to say is that this is mostly self indulgent)

wc: 1.7k

a/n: havent written in a while but i found this in my arsenal, fixed it up a bit and viola. original plans for this was definitely something longer that would end with them being together but im not up for writing rn. been feeling really shitty lately and ive been needing something like this in my life. hope u guys like it ♡

He couldn’t hear it at first. His headset was on and everyone was being so loud on the discord call. When he started the stream, he really thought it was gonna be a long one. But he’s only two hours in and he’s ready to get the hell off because something was definitely wrong.

“Corpse?” His name being spoken finally broke him out of his trance, he only hummed in response. “You’ve been really quiet. Are you sure you’re up for another game?”

“Actually,” he starts as he closes a few tabs, “I think I’ve gotta go. Today was fun, though. Thanks for having me guys.”

After a chorus of ‘goodbye’s and ‘see you later’s, Corpse disconnected from the discord call. “Thank you guys for being here,” he addressed the chat, “sorry I’m ending so early today. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Take care of yourselves. Later.”

After hanging up his headset and getting out of the chair he’s been sitting in for far too long, Corpse made the short trek to your room.

You had only been roommates for less than four months, but Corpse could confidently say that you have become one of his closest friends. Getting a roommate was the last resort that he never wanted to actually resort to. But alas, medical bills were piling up and youtube and music don’t make half as much money as people think they do. So cutting rent in half was the best plan he could come up with. He did have an extra guest room that no one ever stayed in. Of course having someone move into his personal space was terrifying to him. He didn’t just want to post an ad on craigslist or something. So he asked a couple trusted friends to ask a couple trusted friends… And that’s when you came in.

You were the trusted friend of a trusted friend of a trusted friend. When you met, you didn’t make a comment about his voice. Your face sure as hell showed your surprise but you didn’t say anything. To Corpse, this meant one of two things. You either knew who he was but didn’t want to freak him out, or you didn’t know about his online persona and were just genuinely shocked by his voice. It only took a few minutes of knowing you to know that it was the latter. Thank god. You were like anyone your age with social media. You had a few accounts, followed a few people, but mostly used it to stay in contact with friends.

It only took you guys a week to realize you had way too much in common. After many a late night when he wasn’t streaming, and many an early morning when he was just done streaming, you two became inseparable. Nothing could keep you apart.

Except for one thing.

You had a boyfriend.

There was nothing wrong with your boyfriend, per se. Just the fact that he was your boyfriend and Corpse was not.

Yeah, Corpse definitely had feelings for you.

But right now, feelings didn’t matter when he could hear tavern music coming from your room.

He knocked lightly and pushed the door open slowly. “y/n? Can I come in?”

No response came, just sniffles and sobs. The lack of refusal on your part gave him the courage he needed to open the door wider and step into your room. He had only been in your room a couple of times since you had moved in. But he had never been in a room that gave off the feeling of a person so well.

You were curled up on your bed, facing your open laptop screen and the tavern music coming from its speakers. With every sob shaking your chest, Corpse felt his heart break. “y/n,” he murmured softly, “what’s wrong?”

“It’s not working.” Came your reply, heavy with tears. “You said it would make you feel like you're going on an adventure but I still feel like crap.”

“What happened?” Corpse asked as he sat down on your bed, facing you. You slowly sat up and crossed your legs at your ankles in front of you.

“He-” You sighed heavily. “He cheated on me.”

“What?”

“He cheated on me -has been cheating on me- with my best friend. My little brother found out.” You groaned and dramatically dropped your head onto Corpse’s thigh. His hand immediately came in contact with your cheek as he brushed a few stray tears away.

There was rarely any physical contact between you and Corpse. Sometimes you’d give him a high five, sometimes he’d give you fist bump. And there was that one time you came up behind him at the grocery store and hugged his arm to your chest. You immediately whispered something along the lines of ‘creep won’t leave me alone’ followed by a loud ‘hey babe!’

Corpse could barely admit to himself how much he liked that.

But this? This felt good. Corpse’s large warm hand on your face somehow made you want to cry more but in a good way. The tenderness with which he held your face made your heart squeeze as it remembered moments like this with your boyf- ex boyfriend. But then it remembered your brother’s words.

“Hey, what’s up?” You spoke as you answered his call. Your brother wasn’t much of a caller, so it made you worry.

“Hey, where are you right now?”

“I’m home, why?”

“y/n… There’s something I gotta tell you.” He sighed and you could clearly hear the guilt.

“Did you break my DS!” It was your first thought as you had given it to him the last time you had seen him. “Dude! I’ve had that since I was seven!”

“No no, I called about something else.” He cut you off mid-whine. “But also I did lose the pen.” You huffed out a sigh of frustration but stayed silent so he could tell you what he wanted to tell you. “I saw your boyfriend at the park today.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “And?” How did this warrant a phone call?

“He was with Bob.”

When you had met your best friend, your brother was only a toddler. He had decided that her name was Bob, so it stuck. You always called her Bob, she was saved as Bob in your phone, your whole family called her Bob. But you still didn't understand. Why was he calling you to tell you that your boyfriend and your best friend were at the park?

“Why are you calling me about this? You know that they’re friends, right?” You let out a chuckle, albeit still pretty confused. “They’re allowed to hang out without me.”

“They weren’t hanging out.” You could hear your brother push out a strained sigh. What wasn’t he telling you? “They were making out on the swing set. As in, both of them on one swing. And I double checked, it was definitely them. I-I told mom and she said not to tell you, but I couldn’t not tell you when I’m the one who saw it!”

You couldn’t bring yourself to say a word.

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

There was no lying to yourself, you had doubts about your best friend and your boyfriend. But you constantly brushed it off. He wouldn’t hurt you like that. Hell, she couldn’t hurt like that. Not after everything you had been through together.

But you had seen his call log by accident one time, he called her more than he did you. She face-timed him one time to ask his opinion about a dress she was going to buy while you were in the changing room. She had done a handful of things since your relationship with your boyfriend started that made you uneasy. If this was their first kiss, which was something you doubted, then they’ve both been emotionally attached to the other for far too long.

All those tender intimate moments, all those dates, throughout everything, he wasn’t faithful. Not emotionally, at least. None of those moments that you cherished meant anything to you anymore. He had played you. With none other than your best friend since middle school. You didn’t know who to be more mad at.

The thoughts of betrayal from someone who you considered a sister and the hurt of being cheated on made you nauseated.

So when the large warm hand on your face stroked your cheek again, you didn’t mind it. This was Corpse. Not your cheating boyfriend. Not your lying best friend. Corpse. And you knew that he would never hurt you.

“He’s been cheating on me for a while I think.” You mumbled against his sweatpants. “Maybe a couple months. I don’t know.”

Corpse furrowed his brows in thought. You had told him you were going to visit your boyfriend for your one year anniversary next week. “Weren’t you go-”

“Yeah.”

“And Bob’s been your friend since-”

“Yeah.” Your chin wobbled as you answered. You brought your arms up around Corpse’s thigh and hugged it. It was a strange position, but you didn’t care. He was so warm and nice and hugging him properly required more movement on your end than you were willing to do.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Corpse sighed and reached out to untangle your arms from his leg. He gently pulled you across the few inches of bed between you and sat you in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, immediately sobbing into his shoulder. “Do you want me to turn off the music?” You shook your head no against him and he chuckled before he solemnly sighed. “When did you find out?”

“When I came home.”

“But you came home hours ago. Have you been in here this whole time?” You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were streaming, didn’t wanna interrupt.” You shrugged.

“y/n,” he sighed disappointedly, “you’re my best friend. I can end a stream if you need me.”

“Okay.” Your voice, broken and weak and tired, made him feel so guilty. You had been crying your heart out for over two hours just down the hall from where he was.

He gently grabbed you by your hips and tried to push you away, but you only held on tighter and whimpered. “I just wanna get you some water.”

“I don’t want water.”

“Then what do you want?”

“You.” You whispered. “Please stay.”

Fuck. How could he say no to that?

So he stayed.

#corpse #corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpsehusband #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband fluff #corpse fanfiction #corpse fanfic #corpse fluff #gender neutral reader

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robust-cicada · 3 years ago

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Fade Out Again (Thom Yorke X Reader)

For @shehangsbrightly

prompt: honestly i would be allll over the bends era thom, and i think something angsty is what i’m feeling rn. do your magic 😌

Gender Neutral and SFW

CW: angst, burnout, arguments, swearing, guilt, break up, bad mental health.

“I really don’t know what you want from me! I thought you’d be happy to see me after, I don’t know? Nearly a year? But no, I’m the bad guy as always!”

“You think that you’re the only one this tour has taken a toll on? I haven’t been in the comfort of my own home in a year. I haven’t seen my friends or family in a YEAR! You can’t always expect to be my top priority!”

“Obviously. You know, every tour you do the more of a self-centered asshole you become. Just because your band is ‘making it big’ doesn’t mean you have to treat the people in your life like shit, Thom! It isn’t just me. Ed literally has told me numerous stories from when you got too drunk to even perform! You promised.”

“Oh enough of that promise bullshit Y/N! I’m sick of it!”

“Well, that shows how much you fucking cared about it, huh? Shows what a promise means to you? You’re pathetic. The amount of love and support I have poured into you since fucking college and one hit song throws every promise and hope for our future away.”

“Oh fuck off.”

I let out a dry laugh and walked to our bedroom. I grabbed a suitcase and packed as much as I could shove into it.

“What are you doing now?”

“Fucking off. I’m done, Thom. Absolutely done.”

“Yeah sure. You won’t last more than two days Y/N, and you know it. We’ve been through this before.”

I stormed towards him, his back colliding with the wall. I looked into his eyes, trying to look for any sign of remorse in his cold, blue orbs.

“Not this time Thom. I’m tired of crawling back to you with hopes that things will be how they used to again. I am tired of endlessly longing for you to return the love I give to you. You’ve changed and if this is you now? I want no part of it.”

He scoffed and looked away from me.

“Anything to say? Or are you too good for that, Mr. Big Rockstar?”

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

I scoffed and grabbed my stuff. I stormed out onto the snowy streets. It was freezing but I didn’t dare look back. It felt like I had been walking for hours before I found a phone booth. I put the change in the slot and dialed the only number I could remember through my rage.

“Hey, Eddie? It’s Y/N..”

“What happened this time?”

“Well, what usually happens when he gets home I suppose. Are you busy?”

“Need somewhere to stay?”

“Ye-ah.” My voice cracked as tears swelled my eyes.

“Where are you, I’ll be there as soon as I can?”

---

It had been nearly two months since we broke up and not a word was spoken between us. Ed had generously let me rent out the spare room in his house until I got my shit together, which did not seem to be happening. All I could seem to do was cry, work, and sleep. Eddie was wonderful and tried to help when he could, but he tended to keep his distance. At some point, I knew Thom would end up stumbling into the house, however, I did not expect to hear his voice breaking downstairs as he talked to Ed.

Thom’s POV

“Ed, it’s driving me mad! Do you know where they are, have you heard from them, anything?”

“If they wanted you to know where they were, they would’ve contacted you. I can’t really help you, man.”

“I just. I can’t do this anymore. I need them, so badly. You don’t fucking understand.” I crumbled to the ground in tears. “It’s my fault. Every time they leave it’s my fault and- and I just expect them to come back. What happened to me, Eddie? What... happened?”

“Thom. You’re the only person who’s gonna be able to fix this and you know it. I’m not helping you anymore. We’ve been through this too many times. I’m not a fucking couples counselor!” He grabbed his hair in frustration.

“You… You too? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you’re giving up on me too?”

“You know what, Thom? That’s your problem. You can’t take any fucking responsibility for anything, can you? It’s always somebody else’s fault with you!”

I couldn’t even form a response. My thoughts spiraled rapidly as I tried to figure out where everything went to shit.

“I-I’m so-rry. I don’t know what to do, a-and I don’t mean to throw it all on you, Eddie, you… You’re just always so good with this stuff and you know them so well and- and- and..”

“Thom,” He held his head in his hand, “take a breath. There’s no need for all the blubbering.”

“But-”

“Just shut up for a minute okay? I’ll be right back.”

He marched up the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later he came back down. Followed by Y/N.

Y/N’s POV

His face was tear-stained and puffy. He was in a pile on the floor looking as hopeless as an abandoned puppy.

“Y/N..”

I felt my jaw clench as I looked at him. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for everything he put me through, but my body betrayed me. Instead, I found myself kneeling in front of him, arm reaching out to cup his face in my hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks once again as he rested in my palm. He turned to kiss my fingertips.

“I’m sorry Y/N… I took you for granted. I thought you would always come back, and this time you didn’t, and my ego left with you. I need you, I need you so badly love. I can’t do this without you. Please I will do anything to have you back… Please.” He was barely speaking and as he whispered he looked me in the eyes for the first time in years.

“I... I can’t, Thom.”

His posture snapped to attention and I watched his heart shatter again.

“Why not..?”

“You hurt me.”

Tears of my own now mimicked his.

“Please.”

“Thom, stop.”

“I can’t. I can’t because I love you, and if you ever loved me then you would come back.”

“Don’t you fucking dare with that bullshit Thomas.”

I stood and walked away, but he followed.

“Love doesn’t go away Y/N, you told me that yourself. If you loved me you wouldn’t walk away like this. You’re really willing to throw everything away like that?”

“Stop. Thom, I- I can’t do this, just go.”

“I’m not leaving without you.”

“And I’m not leaving with you.”

He approached me and gently grabbed my hands, giving me the same damn look he did every time he wanted to get his way.

“No, Thom. Stop. Please.”

“One more chance, that’s all I ask. If I fuck it up again I promise you will never hear from me again. I’ll take you on the next tour, I’ll let you get a puppy like you’ve always wanted. Literally, anything you want is yours. You don’t ever have to work again. Just, please?”

“You still don’t get it. I don’t want material things or money. I don’t, well I do want a puppy,” We chuckled, “But that’s not why I left. All I want is your love, some of your time and attention. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel at home. I don’t feel like that with you anymore. The only feelings that run through me when I look at you are sadness and insecurity. You make me feel like a child being scolded by their mother. I just can’t live like that again.”

“I promise that I will fix what needs to be fixed and will do anything I can to make you feel safe again, just trust me.”

“We both know promises aren’t your thing.”

“I’ll keep this one.”

“I can’t believe that, Thom.”

“I’ll let Ed take over the band if I break this promise and I will never perform with Radiohead again.”

“Oh, shove off you lunatic! I’m not worth that. Your fans would have my head.”

“I’m serious.”

“You make everything so hard on me.”

“Jesus, Y/N would you please just say yes? All you have done the past two months aside from work is cry and sleep. I can barely get you to eat. Just get it over with. If he fucks you over again I will personally skin him alive, just, get it over with you two!”

Thom looked at me hopefully. I sighed.

“Fine.”

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”

He planted kisses all over my face and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Jesus, Thom, you smell! When was your last shower?”

“I... I have no clue,” He scratched his neck and looked at the ground.

“I mean, you are rank! You smell like a secondary boys locker room after P.E.”

“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”

“Yeah, so it’s okay that I suffer in your stench then?”

“Well, we’ve shared a tour bus, I figure that you’re used to it by now.”

“Well, by that logic, if Y/N is coming on tour with us, they better get used to it too, because you’ve smelled worse after a show.”

“Lovely.”

He laughed and engulfed me in a hug again. I gave in and dug my face into his neck, letting him rock us side to side.

“Let’s get you home then, yeah?”

“If anyone needs to get home it’s you so you can shower!”

“We can shower together if you’d like.”

“Okay, yeah, if you could leave the dirty talk for the car ride home it would be appreciated.”

We laughed once again.

“I’ll go pack,” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before walking up the stairs.

“I love you, Y/N!”

“I love you too Thom.”

#radiohead #thom yorke #thom yorke x reader #the bends

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cryingoverafictionalcharacter · 4 years ago

Text

Fist Fights and Hickeys

Prompt: Enemies to lovers smut with the teeniest bit of plot. Literally this is just pure filth. Please don’t read if you’re a minor, seriously this is not for you.

Warnings: SMUT! Swearing, Female reader, oral (female receiving),unprotected sex (I don’t have a fun rhyme explaining why that's a bad idea, just use fucking protection! dear lord, this is wizard shit im sure they have magic birth control but we aren't getting into that rn) also reader punches someone early on so violence, fluff and funny stuff at the end.

You walked down the hall as quickly as you could, just wanting the day to be over. It seems like no matter what you did today, everything went wrong. In herbology you dropped and broke a potted plant. In potions, your mixture exploded, coating you and your partner in blue sludge, which was still in your hair, and in divination, your tea leaves literally showed you an omen of death. At this point, you didn’t know how else this day could get worse.

“Hello Y/N” Fred Weasley said, sauntering up to your side. Welp, it just had to go and get worse.

“Leave me alone Fred” You said, irritation clearly present in your voice. You and Fred had a bit of a rivalry, whether it was at quidditch, or in your classes, or with pranks, the two of you were always trying to one up each other, which through the years, has created a bit of a love hate friendship.

“Somebody’s cranky” Fred joked, continuing to walk beside you.

“Somebody needs to shut the fuck up” You responded. Fred was about to reply, but before he could, someone interrupted him.

“Well well well, look what we have here! What happened Y/N, trying to go for a new look” Ethan Hawthorn said, pointing out your hair, which was still blue.

You didn’t answer, you just kept walking, Fred giving you a confused look. Ethan hawthorn was a Slytherin who you had a class with last year. The professor had asked a question, which he answered incorrectly, and when you corrected him in front of everyone, he deemed it appropriate to treat you like you had personally humiliated him in front of the whole school. He basically made it his life purpose to make your life difficult.

“Aw come on Y/N, don’t be like that, it’s nice! It distracts from your face!” He continued, him and a few of his friends now following you and laughing. Upon hearing what he said, Fred went to turn and confront him but you grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Oh is your boyfriend trying to save you? You probably hired him to be around you, god knows he needs the money” Ethan said.

Next thing you knew, you had whipped around and punched Ethan in the face. It was a bit of a surprise to everyone, including yourself seeing you wouldn’t really consider yourself a violent person. Before you could think about anything else though, you and Fred were sprinting down the hallway towards the Gryffindor common room, Ethan screaming profanities from behind you.

You sprinted to the entrance of the common room, quickly saying the password and running inside, relieved to find it empty. After running for your lives, you and Fred were pretty tired out, both of you walking over to one of the couches and falling onto it, trying to catch your breath.

“You know he’s going to try and kill you right?” Fred asked, turning his head to look at you.

“Worth it” You said, causing the both of you to laugh a bit, before you noticed the pain radiating from your hand. You sat up a bit and examined your knuckles, which were now bleeding a bit. Fred noticed and sat up as well, before gently taking your hand in both of his, looking at the irritated skin.

“You ok?” He asked, skill looking at your hands, which you were thankful for since it made it so he couldn’t see the blush forming on your face.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine” You replied. Trying not to focus on his long fingers gently brushing over the bones in your hand.

“You’re hands are so small” Fred laughed, breaking you out of your slightly flustered trance.

“These small hands can still slap the shit out of you” You replied, taking your hand back and laughing.

“Here I think I have something upstairs that can help with the pain” Fred said standing, you following his actions and making your way up the stairs to the boys dormitory, walking inside to once again find it was empty.

You walked over and took a seat on his bed, Fred quickly fumbling through a drawer before coming to sit next to you, a roll of gauze in his hand. He sat across from you and gently took your hand again, carefully wrapping the cloth around your knuckles a few times before tearing off the excess and securing it in place.

“Thank you” You said holding up your hand and examining his work, only to look over and see Fred staring at you, a bit of a frown on his face. “What?”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with that guy” Fred said, the atmosphere in the room changing a bit.

“Fred its fine” You said, trying to change the subject.

“No its not Y/N! That dickhead is insulting you constantly, and for what? You don’t deserve to be treated like that” Fred said, standing and starting to pace around the room.

“You’re taking this way to seriously” You said, starting to get annoyed with his attitude. It wasn’t like you and Fred were super close. Hell most of the time you were at each others throat about whos better at what, and when you weren't doing that you were either annoying each other, or on a rare occasion, actually having a civil conversation.

“I don’t think you’re taking this seriously enough!” Fred continued, still pacing back and forward.

“Why do you care so much!?” you shouted.

“Because I fucking love you!” Fred shouted back, stopping in his tracks to face you.

“What?” You asked, not quite believing what you just heard.

“I love you ok? I love the way you make everyone around you smile, and that you’re absolutely hilarious, and that you’re competitive. I love the sound of your laugh, and the way your eyes light up when you smile, and even when you’re being a complete pain in the ass you still-” Fred rambled on, only stopping when you cut interrupted him.

“Fred!” you said sternly, grabbing his attention.

“What?” He asked loudly, breathing heavily from his rant.

“Would you just shut the fuck up and kiss me already?” You asked. That was all Fred needed to hear, crossing the room in one swift motion and closing the space between you, leaning down to roughly push his lips against yours.

Your hands instantly went to his hair pulling him even closer, while his went to the back of your thighs, picking you up and walking you over to the bed, letting you fall back onto the mattress before quickly re connecting his mouth to your neck, biting the flesh there before soothing over it with his tongue.

You moved your hands to his shoulders, sliding them down his chest before landing at the hem of his shirt, pushing it upwards. Fred got the message and pulled away, making quick work of removing his shirt, before his mouth was back on yours, sucking on your bottom lip before his tongue met yours, swirling around in a fight for dominance.

His hands moved upwards, slipping under your shirt to roughly grab your breast, causing you to moan into his mouth. Your hands found their way to his waist, quickly working on undoing his belt. You had almost gotten it unfastened when Fred suddenly pulled away, looking down at you.

“Are you sure?” Fred asked, searching your face for any sign of rejection.

“I have literally never wanted to fuck someone more in my whole life, yes I’m one hundred percent sure” You replied

Fred didn’t waste any more time, quickly working on removing his shoes and pants, while you worked on removing your shirt and leggings, your skirt following soon after leaving you in only your bra and panties, while Fred stood in front of you, his eyes raking up and down your body, you started to feel a bit self conscious with his eyes on you, but before you could move to cover up a bit, his lips were back on yours, pushing you back onto the bed.

His lips started to move downwards, moving from your neck, to your collarbone, trailing wet in between your breasts and down your stomach before finally settling between your legs, looking up ay you before kissing down your inner thigh, deliberately not going near where you needed him most.

“Fred, please” You whined, trying to find some relief.

“Please what?” Fred asked, playing with the waistband of your panties.

“Please do anything just stop teasing- Oh fuck!” You cried, Fred moving your panties to the side and slipping two of his long fingers into you, making your back arch.

“Already so wet for me” He chuckled, pumping his fingers faster. “If you don’t like me teasing then why are you moaning”

You didn’t get the change to reply before Fred's mouth was suddenly on your core, licking a long stripe between your fold before swirling his tongue around your clit, making your head fly back and your hands grip the sheets, desperate for something to hold onto. You could feel the knot in your stomach tightening, threatening to push you over the edge, but just as you were about to come undone, Fred pulled away, removing his fingers and making you groan at the loss of contact.

“What the fuck Fred?!” You cried, frustrated for being denied your release. Meanwhile Fred was crawling his way back up your body, letting out a low chuckle.

“Don’t worry babe, I’m going to take care of you. But when you cum I want it to be around my cock” Fred almost growled, causing a chill to run up your spine before he reached behind you, unclasping your bra and throwing it to the other side of the room, your panties and his boxers following soon after.

Fred propped on of his arms next to his head, helping to keep his weight off you while his other hand moved to his cock, slipping it between your fold a few times, looking at you for permission, which you gave with a nod, before finally pushing his length into you.

“Please move” You practically begged, Fred waiting to make sure you had adjusted before doing anything.

“As you wish” He teased, a smirk on his face, before he slowly started moving, pulling out half way before thrusting back into you.

You were just about to ask him to go faster, when he was suddenly ramming into you, his head moving to the crook of your neck, sucking on the flesh there, while your hands moved to his back, pulling him closer and creating long red trails as your fingernails desperately tried to find something to hold onto.

You bit your lip, trying to contain your moans, knowing anyone could walk in at any moment.

“I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that.” Fred said, sucking behind your ear, making your head spin.

“Someone could walk in” You said back, trying to come up with an excuse. In reality, you knew most of the other students were in class so you didn’t have much to worry about.

“I really don’t care. You look so fucking hot writhing under me and I’m going fuck you senseless right now.” He rasped out, moving his free arm under your knee to hike your leg up higher, the new angle making you gasp, allowing him hit your G-spot perfectly each time.

“Oh fuck, Fred- I’m gonna-!” You cried out, no longer in control of the pornographic sounds leaving your mouth.

“Cum for me, beautiful” Fred murmured into your ear, bringing his hand down to rub circles around your clit, finally pushing you over the edge, the knot in your stomach snapping and flooding your body with pleasure.

Fred continued to thrust into you, helping you ride out your high before coming undone himself, resting his head on your shoulder as he came down from his high, slowing his movements before stopping completely, gently pulling out of you and flopping onto his back beside you, both of you staring at the ceiling, trying to catch your breath.

“That was...wow” You started, still to blissed out to think of the right words.

“Yeah... why didn’t we do this earlier?” Fred asked, causing the both of you to laugh, finally catching your breath and sitting in a comfortable silence.

“I love you too” You said, breaking the silence and making Fred look over at you.

“Really?” He asked teasingly, but he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face.

“Yeah, ever since you hugged me when we won that quidditch tournament last year, I knew I had feeling for you.”

“I knew when you made frogs come out of Snape's pockets for a week” Fred replied, causing you both to fall into another fit of laughter.

“Wow, so romantic” You teased, Fred moving to wrap his arm around you as you scooched closer into his chest, both of you moving under the covers.

“I know, its a gift” Fred replied, making you giggle.

“Well, I should maybe get going” You said, moving to get up, knowing classes would be ending soon.

“You thought we were done?” Fred asked, stopping you in your tracks.

“We’re not?” You asked, a confused look on your face.

“Not even close” Fred replied, leaning in and connecting your lips again, to which you enthusiastically responded, before quickly pulling away, grabbing your wand and casting a locking and silencing spell on the door.

Needless to say, while you may have had a bad streak during your classes, you most definitely got lucky that night.

The next day you had to get up early for quidditch practice. You had suck out of Fred's room a few hours later without too much suspicion, but needless to say, you were sore. You walked to practice with your roommate Angelina, who was currently talking about something to do with McGonigal's hat, but you honestly weren’t paying much attention, too distracted by last night events playing over in your head.

“But I think she might be hiding something in it you know? Like... hold up. Is that a fucking hickey?” Angelina asked once you finally got to the bleachers, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“What?! No!” You quickly defended, trying to move the collar of your shirt up, only for Angelina to slap your hand away, pulling your collar further down, exposing the dozens of marks that littered your neck and chest, which you didn’t realize you had this morning.

“Oh my GOD! Did you get beat up? Who’s the guy?” Angelina asked with a teasing tone.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You replied, trying to keep your cool, digging through your bag to find your water bottle.

You stood back up, looking over to see Fred and George walking your direction. You gave them both a wave, your eyes lingering on Fred for a few seconds longer than usual. They dropped their stuff off a bit always from you, and started getting changed, both of them coming in sweaters.

“Besides” You continued, turning away from the twins, trying to keep your cool. “You have no right to talk, I know you and George are getting pretty comfortable in the room of requirement” You said, taking a sip of your water.

“That’s totally different and- Oh my god?!” Angelina said, looking past you, causing you to turn and spit out your water, the sight before you making you choke on the liquid.

Fred had taken off his shirt to change into his Jersey, and his back was covered in bright pink scratch marks. He heard the commotion, turning to see you covering your mouth trying to stop choking, not sure whether to be horrified or laugh.

“Jesus Fred, did you piss off a hippogriff and not tell me about it?” George asked, Fred suddenly realizing that of course, you would have most definitely left marks. Not that he was completely innocent either.

“Oh that, yeah I fell out of a..... tree” Fred said, making you smack your palm to your face. Sure, he may have been the best prankster in the school, but damn was Fred a bad liar.

Angelina took in your reaction, adding it to Fred's back and your hickeys, finally putting the pieces together.

“You two!?” Angelina said, pointing at the two of you. “Last night when you got back to the dorm late! You were fucking fucking!”

“Shhhh!” I shushed loudly, making Angelina and George laugh.

“Fred and Y/N, sitting in a tree” George started

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G” Angelina finished, the two laughing and heading off to start practice, leaving you and Fred slightly embarrassed at the blatant teasing.

“Well, we’re never going to hear the end of this” You said, admitting defeat.

“Yeah, but at least now they know. But speaking of K-I-S-S-I-N-G, you wanna...” Fred asked, moving his head towards the back of the bleachers.

“As fun as that sounds, It’ll have to wait. First I need to beat your ass at quidditch” You said, collecting your gear, looking up to see a gobsmacked Fred looking back at you.

“You are literally my dream girl, how did I get so lucky?” Fred asked, grabbing his things and walking with you to the center of the field.

“I know, I’m pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to you” You said in a serious tone.

“This dicks the best thing that's ever happened to you”

“FRED!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed!!!! I didn’t read through this before posting so if theres any grammar mistakes I’m sorry, I literally wrote this at 3 in the morning because who needs sleep when you have Fred Weasley porn. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it, feel free to leave any feedback/recs!

#fred weasley #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fic #fred weasley headcannon #fred weasley smut #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x y/n

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goddessjynx · 3 years ago

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Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

#send help #please reblog #mental health #parents #mother #father #moms #family #reblog #important #self care #self love #self help #self esteem #self healing #my story

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blissfulparker · 4 years ago

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Ok but uhm.. how about reader teaching him how to go down on someone? They are close friends and he mentioned that he never made a girl cum only with his tongue and she's like "aight let's do this" ? Like idek. I read your last concept and girlll. I'm hot and bothered rn.

Pls I never write this much smut but you guys...this is good 😭

Tom was your roomate. The two of you friends since highschool and needing someone to live with you found each other in the small London flat where your heater constantly broke and the water pressure was awful but nonetheless, you had each other.

He was your best friend. Yes, there were mornings where he was shirtless in the kitchen that made yohr body heat up, or the times where he cuddled you close and kissed your head and just for a moment you felt like a couple. But at the end of the day, he was a friend.

“(Y/n), (y/n), (y/n),” Tom rushes into your room and falls on your bed. Your wear your PJs and do homework on your laptop while the T.V plays. “I need your help.”

“Bug off, dinner is already made I need to turn in this assignment—“ you start and he shakes his head.

“You know Kelsey? The girl from the dating app I told you about? We’re going out tonight and I think we’re going to her place.” He acts needy, he sits now next to you and you don’t look at him.

“Okay? Better her place than ours. Congratulations?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“No, that’s not it. I need your help.” He looks at you more seriously. “When Kelsey and I were...on the phone last night...she talked about me going down on her and I think she was just in the moment—“ he starts and you fake gag.

“I don’t want to hear about your phone sex Thomas.” You move away from him and he shakes his head.

“Let me finish! I’ve never gone down on a girl and when I asked Harrison he said he hasn’t either so now I’m stuck. I need your help. Is there like a certain place I touch is the g-spot on the out—“ he starts and you shut your laptop.

“Okay! Enough! Tom, Jesus, what are you asking me? Porn is free.” You tell him and he grows slightly red.

“I-I tried that and Haz said it was fake so I was wondering...and you can say no...if I could practice on you? Please! You’d just help me out think of this as...as science!” He pleads and your eyes go wide. Your legs cross under the sheets and you try not to show any form of excitement. This was one of your many dreams, waking up to your hot roomate bestfriend in between your legs, or a long stressful day of his where he found comfort in you.

“You’re fucking insane.” You start to get out of bed and he grabs your arm.

“It’s just for me to know please! I’d help you if you asked! I-I just know girls like this but I don’t know how to do it.” It was quite sad, but at the same time cute. How badly he wanted a girl to be satisfied in his touch.

“I-okay. Okay. Just...just don’t talk about this. And don’t say anything to her because she will smack you so hard your soul will leave your body.” You point and he swallows hard and nods. “Okay...start off with kissing me.”

And he does. He leans in, starting off a normal semi innocent makeout session. Kissing from your lips to your neck.

“Trail down—trail down my body, make it special.” You swallow and he nods as he is met with your chest. Distracted he takes you into his hands and pays more attention to your harden nipples than anything else. “Focus.” You remind him. And he does.

Trailing down to your shorts, he takes them off as he normally would. starts to at least.

“Wait!” You stop him. “Kiss up my thighs, kiss at the fabric and-and tease me through my shorts.” You cringe at your own words but it’s to help him. Help him do something he seems so good at.

He teases until he can’t take it anymore. He removes the tiny spandex that he can’t stand in the first place. Faced with absolutely nothing, you are already soaking wet but no underwear. He knew you never wore a bra but underwear...all the times you sat close and cuddled up next to him...

“S-sorry, didn’t really think this would happen so—“ you apologize and he shakes his head. His eyes fixate on you in shock and you laugh a little.

“Focus.” You say again. “Start with what you were doing before, kiss around me and—“ you gasp as he doesn’t hesitate to take you all into his mouth. Using his tounge licking a strip up you. His hands wrap around your thighs as they go over your shoulder.

It’s almost like your words are useless at this point. He knows exactly what to do, his right hand comes around and he uses one finger. Thrusting it gently in and out.

“Y-You know what you’re doing huh?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“I’ve watched porn but that’s it...all fake though.” He goes back to eating you like you’re his last meal—well, you are his first one.

“Use a second finger—g-go slow until you—until you think I’m going to cum.” You breath out and he does as he’s told. You take your own and hand start working at your clit before he quickly swats yours away and uses his own two fingers. He was a little messy but he knew exactly what he was doing.

“T-Tommy.” You moan out. Only calling him that name before as a joke when he acted like a kid, he now was in total control of you. “I’m going cum—“

He hums against your clit which was enough to send you over the edge. He curls his fingers inside of you which make your back arch and he pushes you back down to stop the squirming.

He stops once you release your grip at his hair, your body still shaking and your hands go over your face. His face still hovers over you and he kisses softly at your thigh.

“Was that good?” He breathes out, you nod as you catch your breath. You hadn’t exactly been with anyone in a few months so for him to do that? Heaven.

“I-she-“ you remember that it wasn’t for you though, it was for some girl from a dating app he’d met twice and only like him because of his money. You could see it in her face that everytime she looked at him she looked for a new bag or a fancy dinner. “You’re good, really good. You’re sure that was your first time?” You ask and he nods. He sits up and moves some baby hairs from your forehead.

“Yeah, it was.” He looked at you in your after sex gaze and thinks about staying in, staying back. Doing more for you. Watching you melt under him he could only imagine what face to face would look like. “I’ll go clean you up.” He gets out of the bed and walks to your bathroom.

After everything you still watched him walk out for the night. You hated that you felt jealous, sad and lonely when it was just your best friend, he was just your roomate no matter how much more you wanted

#kats anons #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #imagine tom holland #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff #tom holland au #I want to do a pt2😅

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