#playboy of the month

[alyakthedorklord]

Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, (or hit with some kind of drug while out saving the world) and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

[singer4badalley]

[husbants]

I would love dnp and bunnies. Rats or hamsters would be acceptable, too. All three are Phil bait and I love that for him.

[clarabowlover]

Kimberley McArthur (ca.1980s)

[alientoastt]

Tell me I'm a bad man, kick me like a stray

[ayeeeebri]

tb to last years Halloween costume that served so much cunt

[oatmealcrisp-freak]

victor calls yuuri his wife as a joke then immediately backpedals, worried he's affronted yuuri's masculinity

yuuri, meanwhile

[badbanaynas]

scapegoat has devoted himself to a life of sacrifices, including the sacrifice of SELFISH PLEASURES such as sweet treats and.... well anyways jungle boy, the little minx that he is, doesn't understand the goat's strange attitude. but what he does understand is that they share the same brain, same thoughts , and most importantly..same urges!

[perfectlypammy]

Pamela Anderson photographed by Stephen Wayda in 2002

[agehabunny]

having the perfect mix of cute and sexy with your all pink outfits is undefeated 🌬️👙🧁

[clarabowlover]

Martha Smith - Playboy's Playmate Of The Month July (1973)

[georgeharrisonsmiling]

how would you say lennison's trust with each other shifted over the years?

From what I've seen, the trust WITH each other didn't shift that much over the years. Neither of them were paranoid or afraid of being betrayed or purposely screwed over by the other, unlike the way they both were wary of Paul. Even if George ended up being the most affected by Klein, he didn't hold it against John and always talked enthusiastically about reuniting with him. That type of trust is also probably why John told Paul to stop dropping by his place while he also made George feel welcome during his visits.

Now, the trust IN each other did shift. Mainly because George realized that he couldn't rely on John to be there for him and he had to focus on putting his life in order by himself. Again, it doesn't seem like George held that against John after 1974, John just stopped being the type of friend George went to ask for help. The distance didn't help either. From his side, John seemed to resent that George didn't need him, why would George be his friend then? He still wanted to be that figure that George looked up to but he hadn't made a gesture to back that up in a decade.

I've read interviews of George where he talks about unconditional love and I think that's what he gave to John. He knew most of his faults, didn't agree with everything he was doing and knew he couldn't handle certain things but he loved John regardless and focused on his good qualities. John was not in a position to understand that type of acceptance, so he probably took George's book as proof that George had finally dropped him and lashed out.

[allmyandroids]

EATING HIM ALIVE LIKE THIS ❤️‍🔥

[chibimats]

Priscilla Huggins Ortiz by photographer Ana Dias