#platonic patton x emile

[girl-with-cat-eyes]

Wednesdays

Summary: Wednesdays are Janus Picani's busiest day. Between meetings, snack day, soccer practice, and art club, he's running around like a chicken with his head cut off. This Wednesday, however, is sure to change the lives of the Picani family forever. Jan's sure they can handle it though.

Ships: Platonic Moceit, thvi

A/N: I've been rewatching the old Reba sitcom from the 2000s and I'd forgotten just how good it was. Good enough that I wanted to write an au for it. Thank you so much to @amazon-me-bitches and my lovely qpp @forever-forgotten-angel for beta reading this and helping me to work out the kinks with the plot. As always, leave a comment if you like this. Enjoy!

For most people, Mondays were their busiest day. It made sense; returning to the workweek, school, etc. For Janus Picani, however, the title of busiest day went to Wednesday. His firm always had partner meetings, they were Emile’s day to bring class snacks, Remy had soccer, and Virgil had art club. On top of that, Jan’s therapy sessions were Wednesdays, which meant he had to make sure all of his work was done 15 minutes early so he could get to his appointment on time. Safe to say, to say Wednesdays weren’t exactly his favorite day.

“Emile! Get down here! You don’t want to be late for school!”, He called upstairs as he finished making breakfast sandwiches. Virgil stood across from him, packing lunches for his brothers.

“He probably can’t find his backpack. He left it down here after he finished his homework.”

Janus sighed, “This wouldn’t be a problem if he just left his backpack down here every night. Remy go get your brother and tell him his backpack is down here.”, the young boy got up, rolling his eyes and Jan had to bite back a sigh. Remy had always been his sassiest child.

“Why can’t Virgil do it?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, “Because I’m making lunch, I can go get him if you want to make your own sandwich ?”, Remys shook his head and ran upstairs, Virgil chuckling at the sight.

Janus finished plating breakfast and turned to thank Virgil, frowning when he saw that Virgil had only made two lunches. He looked pointedly at his son, “You’re not eating?”, he asked.

Virgil shrugged, “I’m gonna get lunch at school today. They’re having burritos.”, Janus nodded. As long as he was eating. Patton came downstairs before he could reply, Remy and Emile in tow.

“I found these two trying to play on the Switch.”, Emile and Remy sat down, guilty little grins on their faces that told Jan that they didn’t regret it, “Good thing I went to check on them.” “Good thing indeed.” He handed Pat a plate, pouting a cup of coffee for his husband? Ex? Janus wasn’t sure what to call the man he’d been married to for 20 years, separated from, hadn’t divorced, and who still lived in the house with. Regardless he poured him a cup of coffee, “Ok so you’re taking Emile and Remy to school and I’ll take Virgil. I’ll pick up Remy and you pick up Emile and-” “-and I’m catching a ride home with Thomas after theater. I’m working on the sets for Little shop today.”, Virgil piped up and Jan had to hold back a grimace at the mention of his boyfriend. He like Thomas, he really did. In terms of high school boyfriends, Thomas had been nothing but a gentleman. But the thought of his son dating still upset Janus deep down; according to his therapist, he was grappling with the thought of his baby growing up.

“Ok.”, he replied, keeping his thoughts to himself. It wouldn’t do any good to speak them when they were his problem to deal with, “I’ll pick up takeout on the way home.”

“Jan? I was wondering if you’d want to come to the restaurant today for lunch?”, He turned to look at Patton. Based on the tone in his voice Janus knew that this wasn’t just a friendly invitation to taste a new menu item. He sighed: he’d been planning to work through his lunch today so he could get out on time.

Regardless, this seemed serious, “Ok. I’ll be there at noon.”, he promised. He quickly finished his breakfast and looked over to Virgil, “Ready to go?”, he asked. He nodded and finished pouring his iced coffee and they were off.

The ride to Virgil’s school was as quick as always. Music played lowly on the radio, lowly on the radio and Janus hummed along. It would be peaceful if not for the fact that Virgil kept fidgeting and staring out the window. Something was up, “Ok. Something’s wrong. Spill.” Virgil turned to look at him, “What? Nothing’s wrong.”, He straightened his face, trying to appear calm. Janus didn’t buy it for a second, “I’m fine.” “Virgil James Picani. I have known you since you were born. I have held you for night after night. I know you inside out. And I know when you’re lying to me. What’s wrong? Is someone bothering you?” Virgil shook his head. “No. It’s just that Mr.Prince, the drama teacher, wants me to be Seymore’s understudy. And I know the chances of me going on stage are rare but I don’t want to take that chance. And I don’t know how to tell him without letting him down.” “Baby bat, just tell him the truth. I’m sure he’ll understand.”, Virgil nodded. The issue seemed to be solved, yet Janus had a feeling that there was something else wrong. But before he could ask any more, they’d arrived and Virgil was getting out. “Love you, Dad! I’ll see you after school!”, Janus shook his head, trying to keep his concerns down. He’d ask Virgil after school. It was fine.

Being a lawyer certainly had its perks; financial security being a prime example. Meetings running long weren’t that though. Janus sighed as he rushed into Pat’s. The warm lighting and delicious smells greeting him. Even if he’d preferred to work through his lunch, Janus couldn’t deny that the thought of Patton’s cooking made his mouth water. There was a reason people came from near and far to this place.

Speaking of Patton, Janus spotted the bespectacled man sitting in their usual booth, a bottle of wine waiting there. He smiled at the thought and sat down, “I thought you weren’t a fan of day drinking?”, he quipped. Pat rarely drank at all, but especially not during the day. “I’m not but I know you don’t mind a glass of wine at lunch.”, Pat poured him a glass, “Salmon or duck?” “Salmon.”, Janus answered. Patton made a delicious pan-seared salmon with risotto and kale salad. It was delicious and sounded lovely right now. Patton nodded and ordered that for him and glazed crispy duck for himself. “So.”, he began as he buttered a roll, “What did you want to discuss?” “Who says I have something to discuss? Maybe I just wanted to have lunch with you?”, He was stalling obviously. Trying to get time to steel his nerves.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him, “You and I know very well that Wednesday is our busy day. If you wanted to just have lunch you would have asked on another day. Therefore this is something important that you don’t want to talk about in front of the kids. So what do you want to discuss?” Patton sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Whatever he wanted to talk about was weighing heavily on his mind. After some time he finally spoke, “I want to finalize our divorce.”, he spoke quickly, like he wanted to get the words out of his mouth as fast as he could.

Janus nodded; he supposed it made sense. They had been separated for over a year now, they slept in separate bedrooms, and they hadn’t had sex since long before they separated. While they still cared for each other, the love they once shared was long gone. The only reason they were still married was the cost of getting a divorce. Considering they’d spent 20 dollars on a courthouse wedding neither had been too happy to shill out thousands of dollars to end their marriage.

The question was why now, and why couldn’t he say it in front of the kids. They’d sat them down months ago and explained that while they loved each other and would always be a family, they weren’t in love anymore. Virgil had taken in the best; being the oldest, he’d seen the signs for a while now. He’d taken it upon himself to comfort his younger brothers. Remy tried to pretend that he was fine, but both Janus and Patton knew better. He’d taken the thought of his family splitting up harder than he was showing. They’d both spoken to him about it, reassuring him that they’d always be a family. And they’d started having family activities every Saturday. Emile had taken it the hardest. The six-year-old didn’t truly understand what was going on. They were still having conversations explaining what it meant. Janus had even begun researching child psychologists at the recommendation of his therapist.

“Ok.”, He spoke, “Why now though? I thought we’d agreed that divorces are too expensive…. You met someone.”, the realization hit Janus like a ton of bricks. Everything made sense. Pat would feel guilty about pursuing someone else while married, even if they were separated. And he wouldn’t want to talk about this in front of the kids until he knew for sure that it was serious.

Patton nodded, “I did.”

“Well, tell me about him. I care about you regardless of our marital status. And I want to know about the person you’ll be bringing around our kids.”

“Ok. His name is Logan and I met him a few weeks ago. He came in here for dinner and he’s just the cutest. He got so excited when he found out we use crofters in our thumbprint cookies and our victoria sponge.” Patton smiled fondly at the thought, “We’ve been on a few dates and… It’s not just a fling. I can see a future with him, Jan.”

Jan took a sip of wine, “Ok. I’ll ask around for good lawyers when I get back.”,

Patton squealed and hugged him, “Thank you so much Jan. Maybe I could invite him over for dinner sometime. That way you could meet him and I could introduce him to the kids.”, Their food came at that moment, which meant Patton had to stop hugging him. Janus was thankful; he’d never been the type for hugging. Except with his kids.

“Ok. But you have to tell them about the divorce first. Deal?” “Deal.”

Virgil was generally considered a good kid by his peers and teachers. Quiet perhaps, but overall a good kid. He didn’t break rules, got good grades, and overall kept to himself. The one anomaly about him was that he was dating Thomas sanders, or rather that Thomas Sanders was dating him. Thomas was a bright and outgoing person; if this was a 2000s sitcom, he might have been considered popular. Not only that, but he had a fairly popular youtube channel where he did skits, challenges, and more. Virgil barely even had social media. They were a couple regardless, and Virgil was known as a good kid.

He didn’t feel like a good kid as he watched the Chipotle employee make his bowl. He’d signed himself out of school early along with Thomas, and now they were getting lunch. The thought of skipping school kept buzzing around his head, even though he’d gotten all of his assignments from the classes he’d be missing. Besides he had bigger problems to worry about.

He sat down beside his boyfriend and took a bite of his food, “What am I going to do?” He asked in a small voice, fear lacing his tone. Thomas reached across the booth and squeezed his hand.

Hey,”, Thomas whispered, his voice soft and reassuring, “It’ll be ok. I’ll be right here no matter what.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”, Thomas squeezed his hand, “Now really eat, you skipped lunch yesterday.”, Virgil nodded and the rest of lunch passed silence. The pair simply enjoying their food together. Virgil grinned and poured queso onto his bowl and smiled at his boyfriend.

“You’re so cute.”, he whispered. Thomas blushed at the compliment and Virgil considered it a win. Sooner enough they were done with their meal. Virgil stood up and gathered their trash, “I’m gonna go the bathroom.” “Ok”, Thomas nodded, “I love you no matter what.”. Virgil smiled and went to the bathroom, anxiety twisting his stomach in knots.

Janus sighed as he drove home. Patton had messaged him earlier that he was making dinner and Jan didn’t have to pick up any takeout. Of course, that made Jan’s life easier, but it also meant that they were going to talk over the divorce with the kids. Great. He peered at Remy in the backseat, sipping his chocolate milk without a care in the world. God sometimes Jan wished he were a child still. Childhood was so much easier, “I think your Dad is making dinner tonight.” Remy looked at him, “I thought we were going to pick up takeout?” ���He messaged me saying that I don’t need to pick up any food.”, Remy nodded and smiled before looking back out the window. Janus understood: Patton was an amazing cook. Hopefully, they’d all be able to eat after this. God, how would Remy react? He’d already taken the separation hard. And Emile, he barely understood what divorce was. And Virgil, the oldest, the one who buried his feelings the most. He probably wouldn’t want to talk about it and would bury his feelings to help his brothers.

They pulled into the garage, Remy grabbing his stuff and running inside, “Take off your shoes and change before you get mud all over the house.’, he called after him. Janus took his time collecting his things. ‘Just go in. Better to get it over with.’, his thoughts raced around his head like an angry swarm of bees. He took a deep breath and walked inside.

The smell of garlic and tomatoes washed over his sense, Patton was making Italian food. He took a deep breath, enjoying the smells. Patton stood next to the counter, buttering a long baguette for garlic bread. He looked up and gave a reassuring smile, but Janus could see the nervousness in his eye, at least he wasn’t alone in the feeling, “Hey.” He greeted, “The lasagna is almost done and I’m making garlic bread right now. There’s stuff for caesar salad in the fridge if you want to help out.”

Janus nodded and took off his jacket before washing his hands and making said salad, “Where’s Emile and Virgil?”, he asked, praying that he sounded casual. The salad offered a great distraction from his thoughts, greeting parmesan meant he didn’t have to focus on this upcoming family discussion.

“Virgil is helping Emile with his homework. He’s learning addition.”, Patton supplied as he put the bread on a tray, placing it in the oven. “There are brownies in the fridge. I figured we could make sundaes. Hopefully, it’ll make the conversation easier.”, Janus nodded. Remy and Emile might not realize it but Virgil would know something was up. Pat rarely made dessert on weekdays.

Soon enough dinner was done and all five of them were sitting around the table. Virgil still looked anxious and Janus wanted to bang his head off the table. There was no way he’d be able to ask what was wrong after this conversation. Why did this have to happen tonight?

Patton smiled, “So how was school guys?”, ‘Subtle Pat, subtle. Why don’t you just hang a banner above our heads that says We’re getting divorced’. Janus took a large sip of wine so his thoughts would stay in his head.

“Ok,” Remy spoke up. “But I keep getting headaches during the day. The lights in the class are too bright.”, This had been going on for a while now. The fluorescent lighting of the classroom seemed to give Remy migraines, and his teacher wasn’t budging on letting him wear sunglasses to prevent it.

“I’ll talk to your teacher in the morning.”

“My day was good Daddy.”, Emile grinned, “We learned about ecosystems.”, Janus smiled. Emile was so young and innocent.

“Virgil?”, The teenager in question looked up from where he’d been staring off into space. He took a quick bit of lasagna before speaking.

“It was fine.”

He was lying. Something was wrong and Virgil was trying to act like he was ok. Janus wanted to ask more questions, to figure out what was bothering his son. It wouldn’t work though. Virgil guarded his privacy with his life. Prying would only make him more tight-lipped. Janus just had to wait for Virgil to come to him with what was wrong, and in the meantime, hope that it wasn’t serious.

Besides, even if Janus thought it was a good idea to ask, there were other things at hand. Patton nodded to him and he knew it was time. “Your father and I have some news.”. Patton began. Janus held back a groan.

“Are we going to Disney World?”, Emile was practically bouncing in his seat at the thought of such a trip.

“No.”, Janus made a mental note to talk to Patton about a family vacation. Maybe it would help reassure Remy and Emile that they were all still a family. “It’s not that. You all know that we’re always going to be a family right? No matter what happens we’ll always be together.”, Virgil was ghostly pale and Remy had his fists clenched. He didn’t even have to say it. They knew.

His middle son jumped up, “No.” He was tearing up, “You promised.”

“Remy..”

“No! You said we’d always be together.”, Tears began running down his face. A knot formed in Janus’ throat. Why did they have to do this?

“And we will. No matter what.”, Patton tried to soothe. It was met on deaf ears.

“No, we won’t! That’s what they all say! They say nothing will change but it does. Next thing you know, you’re in different houses and splitting custody and no one will want me. And then I’ll be back in foster care.”

“Remy that won’t happen. We love you.”, Janus wanted to take his son in his arms. Wanted to hold all of his children and promise them that they still loved them all, and the divorce wouldn’t change that. But Remy ran upstairs, the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut echoing through the house.

“What’s going on?”, Emile’s face was contorted, confusion visible. Of course, he wouldn’t fully understand what was going on. The six-year-old had barely understood the separation.

Patton sighed and knelt down next to him, “Your father and I are finalizing our divorce. We won’t be married anymore.” Emile blinked.

“Why? I thought you weren’t getting one?” Patton sighed, “Things have changed.”, Emile blinked at him. This was going wrong. It was too soon. They should have eased them into this idea. Shouldn’t have sprung it on them like this.

Understanding bloomed in Emile’s face. His next words were a whisper, so quiet that Janus almost didn’t hear them. But he did, and it felt like getting hit by a truck. “Are you divorcing cause Virgil’s pregnant?” “EMILE!”, Virgil shrieked. Janus felt like he was watching this from above like it was a tv show playing out in front of him, and not his life. He looked next to him. Patton appeared to be in a similar situation.

“It’s the truth.”

Finally, Janus found himself able to speak. There were a million questions inside of him longing to get out, but all he could say was, “What?”

Luckily Patton was able to voice one of his questions, “Virgil, is this true?”. Virgil refused to make eye contact with either of them and Janus knew it was. His eldest child looked almost ashamed, shoulders tense and body hunched over.

“Virgil…”, He started, but he was upstairs before Janus could continue. Janus shut his eyes. Amazing. One of his kids was pregnant at 17 and another thought he was going to be sent back to foster care. His head met the table with a groan. Patton rubbed his shoulder.

Emile still stood in front of them, “Am I in trouble?”, he asked, voice shaking. Janus leaned forward and picked him up. He bounced Emile on his hip, stroking his back.

“No baby.”, He ruffled his hair and booped his nose. “You aren’t in trouble ok. Everything is just kinda stressful right now. But none of that is your fault, ok?” Emile nodded and buried his face into Jan’s chest. Patton joined the hug, stroking Emile’s back and humming softly. They sat there in this position for about 10 minutes before Janus pulled away, gave Emile a kiss on the forehead, “We love all of you so much and the divorce won’t change that ok?”

He nodded and Janus stood up, “I’m going to go talk to Remy, he might be easier to get to open up than Virgil right now.”, He handed Emile to Pat, who bounced him on his hip.

“Ok. I’ll make a pot of hot cocoa to take up. Hopefully, it’ll get him to open up.”, Janus nodded in thanks and made his way upstairs.

Remy’s room was as dark as ever, the twelve-year-old liked to leave the lights in his room dimmed. Janus peaked his head in, seeing him laying on his bed, face buried into his pillows. “Remy?”, He called out. The child in question didn’t respond but Janus knew he was awake, “Can I come in?”

There was silence for a moment and Janus thought about what he would do if Remy said no. He wanted to respect his privacy, but at the time this was a conversation that needed to happen. Remy thought he was going to be sent back to foster care and Janus couldn’t let him just think that. Luckily Remy soon answered, “Yes…”

He walked in slowly, eyes trained on his son. His son who was terrified that he was going to be sent away. He swallowed, “Remy you aren’t going to be sent back to foster care. I promise that.”

Remy sniffled and his heart broke for his middle child, “That’s what they said last time. They said they loved me and I’d never be sent away again. And then they said they were getting a divorce and it wasn’t a good time for them to adopt a kid.”

Janus sighed and began stroking his hair, “And I’m promising that no matter what we’re not sending you back there. We love you. You’re our son, our wonderful son who we love so much. The divorce is between your father and me. And I won’t lie and say that it won’t affect you or that nothing will change, because things will change. A lot of things will change. But the love that your father and I have for the three of you? That will never change. It’ll never fade or go away. And we’re never sending you back.” He smiled slightly and joked, “Besides we threw away the receipt. No returns.”

Remy giggled and Janus knew he’d been successful in cheering him up. Remy sat up and hugged him tightly, tears still flowing freely, “I love you both. This is my home, my family. I don’t want to lose you.” “I know baby, I know. What does Stitch say?”, He hoped that a reference to Remy’s favorite movie would lighten the mood even more.

Remy sighed, “Ohana means family.” “And?”

“Family is never left behind or forgotten.”

Janus nodded and kissed his head, “And you’re our ohana. And we hope to yours. We’re here for as long as you want us.”, Remy smiled and Janus knew that even if it took some time, everything would be ok with him. He sat up. “Patton should be up here in a few minutes with cocoa and I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you. So I’ll sit here with you until he gets up here and then I’ll give you your privacy. Ok? Besides I need to talk to your older brother.”

Remy nodded, “Is Virgil ok?”

Janus sighed, “I don’t know. But I intend to find out.”. As if on cue, there was a knock on the door and Patton peaked his head in. He held a tray with four mugs of cocoa topped with whipped cream. Next to them sat a plate with brownies.

“Can I come in? I brought cocoa.” He smiled encouragingly. Remy nodded and sat up off of Janus’s chest. Patton came in, taking two of the mugs and some of the brownies. “The rest are for you and Virgil.”

“Where’s Emile?”

“In his room with a covered mug and a brownie watching Aladdin. He’ll be ok.”, Janus nodded and took the tray before leaving.

Janus stood outside of Virgil’s room, trying to figure out what to say. What did you say when your teenage son was pregnant? Most parents were worried about their sons getting someone pregnant, not their sons being pregnant. Then again, not everyone had a trans son. He sighed and knocked, “Virgil? Can I come in?”

Unlike Remy, who took his time answering, Virgil’s reply was almost immediate, “I don’t want to talk, Dad.”, Janus sighed. Goddammit. This is exactly what he was fearing. He couldn’t just leave his son alone right now. His pregnant son at that. Virgil was pregnant. He groaned.

“Baby bat, please. We need to talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk.” “I have Pat’s hot chocolate and brownies.”

There was a pause. Then he spoke, “The door’s open.”, Janus opened the door slowly. Virgil sat in the middle of the bed, knees tucked against his chest. Tears ran down his face in inky black trails. Janus’ heart ached for him. He looked at Janus and sniffled, “Go on. Yell at me about what a horrible mistake I made.” His heart lept into his throat. Janus remembered having a similar conversation with his sister 18 years ago. How she was pregnant and her boyfriend ran off on her. Janus hadn’t known then how his life was going to change forever. And now his son was pregnant.

“I’m not here to yell at you V.”, He sat next to him, handing Virgil the mug of cocoa. He took a sip of his own, “How long have you known?” Virgil shrugged, “I only found out today. But I suspected it when Dad mentioned that one of the waitresses at the restaurant was pregnant. I’m about a month along.” Janus nodded, “Does Thomas know?”, he was met with a nod. “And what does he think?”, more memories of his sister rushed to the surface. His sister saying that her boyfriend had ran out of town when she found out that was pregnant. That he took the rent money and she’d been evicted. He was brought out of his memories by Virgil’s next words.

“He says he loves me still. And he supports me no matter what I choose.”, Well that was good. Janus didn’t know what he would have done if Thomas had abandoned Virgil. It would have been unpleasant that’s for sure. Now for the hardest question.

“You have options; you don’t have to keep the baby if you don’t want to. Do you have an idea of what you want to do?”, Virgil looked up at him and Janus once again was overcome with memories of his sister. Adelaide saying that she didn’t know what she was going to do but she was keeping her baby. He and Pat letting her move in. Recording home movies for the baby. Rushing her to the hospital while she screamed in pain in his backseat. The doctor saying that she lost too much blood. Holding Virgil in his arms.

“I want to keep the baby.”, there it was. The thing that Janus had known deep down that Virgil would say from the moment he found out about the pregnancy, “I know I have options and I know I’m young and this probably seems stupid but I want this baby. I just... You took a chance on me when mom died. You and Dad weren’t looking for a kid when I was born but you took me in anyway. You took a chance on me. And I’m taking a chance on this baby.”

Janus sighed, “You’re just like your mother you know that. Just as stubborn and just as loving. And you know what? She was just as determined to have you, even if it wasn’t the best time. And I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her.”, He hugged Virgil close, “I love you so much. And if you want this baby then your dad and I will support you no matter what ok? We’ll help you out. I promise.”

Virgil smiled at him, “Really?”

Janus nodded, “Really really. Now I think you should invite Thomas over tomorrow. I want to talk to him.”. Seeing the look on Virgil’s face he added, “I’ll go easy on him. I just want to know he’ll be a good dad for my grandchild. And you two need to tell his parents.”

Virgil nodded and there was a knock at the door, “Come in.”

It was Patton, “Hey. Emile and Remy are both asleep. How is everything?”

“Well Pat, we’re going to be grandfathers.”

Patton smiled and sat down next to them both, “I see. And everything is ok?” Virgil nodded, “Yeah. Everything will work itself out.”, And at that moment Janus knew it to be true.

A/N: Unlike some of my other works, this one is going to be a series of one-shots. I think I'll be able to handle that better than chapter fic. It'll also feel more like episodes of a sitcom. I really like the feel to this and I'm open to prompts.

[artific3r]

ALRIGHT PART TWO

Also I wrote the entire thing and then I got deleted. This newer version is a lot shorter (and angstier) than the original, but whatever.

Weddings are Just Funerals With Cake part 2

Alright lets go

Also, Deceit's name is Samael. It means 'venom of God' in Hebrew, so I kind of thought it was cool

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit (hes actually in this one you guys), Cursing, Panic attack (??????), thats it for now I think (tell me if there are more)

Relationships: Like all of them platonically, Moxiety, Familial Roloceit, Background Logince, Background Remy x Emile

Part 1 (if I can figure out how to link it)

______________________________________________

"Are you a wedding planner as well?" Virgil asked a little too loudly.

"No, I'm a funeral director, actually." Patton smiled. "It's tough work, but I am trying to bring a little sunshine into a world of dark. Every smile, every broken heart I help fix, even a little, is worth it."

HE'S TOO NICE YOU'LL RUIN HIM ABORT ABORT

"That's... really sweet..." Virgil looked at Patton. He seemed so happy that he was helping all these people. There was a hint of sadness, but he seemed too optimistic to let it get him down.

He then remembered Pattons question. "Um, uh, for the flowers, I usually do it by the theme, but... there usually isn't a theme for funerals... So I wouldn't know. I really like orchids. I think they are very," Virgil mentally face plamed as he realized that he was rambling.

"They look nice." Virgil finished.

Patton smiled softly. "Yeah, I suppose that's true. But I was wondering more where you got your flowers, not why you choose them."

"Oh! Um, I have a friend who owns a flower shop. It's called 'Tea and Trees.' Well, it's more of a cafe, but they sell flowers too, which is cool, and they-" Virgil paused and took a breath. "They sometimes even use flowers in the food and drinks." Virgil stutters

"Maybe we should go!" Patton said, clapping his hands together.

"Um. I j-just-" Virgil started, his face turning red.

Did he just ask me on a date? Is he asking you on a date? You idiot, since when did you have a stutter? Why are you so nervous? Nervous, you are nervous, why are you nervous? Oh god you've got feelings for him, don't you? You just met him. Why are you like this? He is attractive, but you can't fall in love with someone you just met! Did Frozen teach you nothing?!

"Um, Virgil? Virge? Are you alright? You've been staring at me." Patton said with a look of worry on his face. It was quickly replaced with a look of realization, and his cheeks dusted pink. "That does sound like I was asking you on a date."

An awkward silence washed over the two, and they stood there, red-faced.

"Um, whats the weirdest couple you have ever worked with?" Patton finally asked.

"Oh!" Virgil perked up, glad the silence had ended. "There was this one couple that wanted a-" Virgil began, before he was cut off.

"Have you seen my papa?" A little boy with freckles spanning half his face tugged at Virgil's dress. "I want to see my papa."

"Oh, hi! You must be Samael, right?" The boy nodded.

"I know where your father is, he is busy right now. Why aren't you with your uncle Thomas?" Virgil offered Samael his hand. Samael shook his head and stepped back.

"Where is my papa?" Samael asked again. He looked like he was going to cry. "I want my papa!"

"Hold on there, kiddo, it's going to be alright." Patton moved to comfort Samael. Samael started letting tears fall. Samael hugged Patton, which Patton returned. The child started sobbing.

"Where is my papa? I want my papa!" Samael looks at Patton with fear.

"Papa isn't here anymore! He left, didn't he?" The child started shaking as tears ran down his face.

Patton gasped as Virgil went to find Thomas. Patton squeezed Samael as he cried. Patton whispered comforts to the small child. His father was still here, everything would be ok. No one is going to leave him.

When Virgil came back with Thomas, Patton was sitting next to Samael, rubbing the small childs back as they both cried.

"Samael? It's ok, Logan is still here." Thomas picks Samael up, giving a thankful nod to Patton as he walks away. "It's ok, he will be here soon. Today is a happy day. Your papa is getting married!"

"I don't want mama to come back." Was the last thing Patton heard. It hurt.

Virgil helped Patton up, and held out his arms for a hug.

Patton nodded and held Virgil close. Virgil felt a few teardrops on his dress. He didn't care. He hadn't felt this close to someone in a long time.

Taglist:

@stardustedsweaterlover

@ivescottthis

Write a love story between a very optimistic, happy-go-lucky funeral director and a depressed, negative wedding planner

[tranquil-space-ninja]

The Story (Sanders' Sides Human AU)

Ft. Platonic Moxiety, trans Roman, Imaginality (Remus x Patton), and Emciet (Janus x Emile)

Tw: suicide, homophobia, implied abuse, transphobia, f*g said, tra**y said, bullying, anorexia

--------------------------------------------------

Patton stared at his phone. He had a shift at the office in a few minutes, but he couldn't..... He didn't quite know what he couldn't do today, but he couldn't do it. He called in sick. Emile was very understanding. "Take as long as you need, Pat," he said. "Your mental health comes first."

"Thanks, Dr. Picani." He hung up and continued to stare at the message on his phone.

Unknown Number

Got ur number from Jan. How u doing?

It was him. After all these years, it was really him. And, paired with the fact that it was only a week till his brother's birthday.... The last two years of high school came rushing back.

Patton's phone chimed.

Ro's birthday is coming up.

Like Patton didn't compulsively write down the date in his calender every year. June 4. They would have been twenty-six.

I'm moving to ur area 4 work. I finally caught up 2 u.

Patton stared at his phone without really seeing the messages. Tears started to bluer his vision. He wiped them away, only for them to return with a vengeance. Finally, Patton just let himself sob, hoping to get everything out by the time Virgil got home.

***

Virgil waved to his friends as he walked to his front door. His dad's car was in the driveway, which was a surprise. Normally, he wouldn't be back until dinner. He slowly opened the door. "Dad," he asked. Patton gave Virgil a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hey, kiddo! How was school?"

"Okay. How are you doing? Are you sick?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Just taking a mental health day. Sit down! I made popcorn. We can watch Black Cauldron."

Virgil sighed and sat down, leaning on Patton. Patton put part of his blanket around the teen and pulled him closer. He loved his son more than anything. He would not let Virgil go through the same things he did.

***

Just as Virgil was about to go to sleep, someone knocked on his door. "Come in," he called. Patton opened the door and gave him another fake smile. He sat down on the chair beside Virgil's desk.

"Can I tell you a story," Patton asked.

"I'm a little old for bedtime stories."

"Please? It's kinda boring, but.... I'll be quick. Please?" Virgil stared at his dad. He hated the desperate look in hs eyes. It was getting closer to June, which meant he'd grow quiet and a bit withdrawn. Maybe this was to preemptively make up for it?

"Sure." Virgil laid down and looked up at Patton.

"Thanks, Virge," he said with a slightly more real, relieved smile. "Let me tell you a story about six boys growing up in Florida."

***

Logan Crofters, Roman and Remus Ryan, Janus Pine, Emile Picani, and Patton Hart. They had been best friends since kindergarten. They were all inseparable. Things got worse in middle school when Roman came out as trans. His parents refused to let him transition or cut his hair, and the other kids were less than supportive. Remus let him wear his clothes, though, and his friends all defended him when they could. And they all survived until high school.

Fast foreward to sophmore year. Logan was on the fast track to becoming valedictorian. The other kids, in addition to whispering, "Fag," and, "Tranny," at them all in the halls, taunted Logan for his intelligence. Remus and Janus got into fights often to protect the others. Patton and Emile tried to keep the group's moral up. Logan and Roman always took it all harder than the others, but they had one teacher, Mr. Sanders, who let them eat lunch in his classroom and used Roman's proper pronouns. He even congratulated Patton and Remus when they started dating. He'd always pair up Janus and Emile for group projects, just to watch them flirt.

Patton, Roman, and Remus's parents passed around a petition to get him fired the next year. It was successful. That was the year everything fell apart.

Roman and Logan couldn't handle the pressure that came with the grades and the bullying. They always said they were fine, but....

One day, Logan quit his job at the library. Said it just wasn't worth it anymore. Roman stopped eating and always brushed his friends off when they begged him to try.

They died the same night. June 4, Roman's birthday. Roman overdosed on antidepressants. Janus, Remus, Emile, and Patton read his note over and over again.

Dear Friends,

I want to start by saying this isn't your fault. Remus, you were the most amazing, supportive brother anyone could ask for. Patton, Janus, Emile, Logan, you are all wonderful and perfect, and you all deserve the world. But.... I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this body one more day or hear someone call me Rachel one more time. I just can't do it. I love you all so much. Please don't dwell on this for too long. I want you all to be happy, okay?

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I couldn't be everything you wanted me to be. I wish I could have been as good a son as Remus was. I wish you could have loved me as much as he did.

And, Mr. Sanders, if you ever see this.... Thank you. For everything.

Adeiu, best of friends and best of men,

Roman

Logan hung himself. He didn't leave a note. His parents at least gave him a funeral. Roman's parents didn't care enough to even do that.

Luckily, Remus, Janus, Emile, and Patton had saved enough from their various jobs to have him cremated. Emile's parents insisted on helping out, which helped a lot.

The group burried Roman's urn just outside the cemetery where Logan rested. Luckily, his grave was at the edge of the gate so Roman's could be near his. Remus painted a large rock to use as a marker. They all stood by the small grave, Janus holding Emile and Patton and Remus squeezing each other's hands, until the sun rose.

Patton stayed with Remus after Janus and Emile left.

"I can't stay here anymore," Remus had whispered. "I can't stay with the people who killed my brother."

"I know," Patton whispered. "I hate our parents." He brushed back his bangs to show Remus a black eye and a bruised cheek. "If we save enough, we'll run away together," he promised. "We'll get Janus and Emile, and we'll all go to Massachusetts, and we'll get married." Remus nodded.

"I like that." He gently pulled Patton close, and they shared a long, sweet kiss.

Things didn't work out. Senior year was worse. Janus, Emile, Patton, and Remus were the gays who were friends with the two who killed themselves, and that's all anyone ever treated them as. Janus's parents took him and moved to Delaware. He and Emile stayed in touch for a few months before the lost contact. Janus and Patton still talked occasionally, though, even after high school. Emile, Patton, and Remus stuck together, but things would never be the same.

When senior year ended, Patton and Emile prepared to move to Massachusetts, but Remus wouldn't go.

"Please," Patton begged. "We found a cute apartment in Salem. We can start over. We can get jobs while Emile is at school. We can build our own lives. Please come with us." Remus shook his head.

"I can't," he said. "It's only been a year since they died. I just can't leave them yet." Patton hugged him tightly.

"Keep in touch," he asked. Remus nodded and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Over the next few years, Patton kept in touch with Remus. Every year, he said he would finally move in with him, and every year, he had an excuse not to. Eventually, they stopped talking as much, and when Patton changed his number, he forgot to tell Remus.

***

"He and Emile stayed together, though," Patton finished. "Patton became Emile's receptionist when he started practicing independently."

"What about Janus and Remus," Virgil asked.

"Janus is still in Delaware, and I guess Remus is with him." Virgil nodded. He wasn't an idiot. He knew Patton had just told him his life story. He just wasn't going to press any further than that. Maybe someday, Patton would tell him more, but it was almost the day his friends killed themselves. Patton needed time.

***

The next day, Patton went back to work. Larry and Dot were happy to see him. When their appointment was almost over, another patient entered the waiting room and walked up to Patton's desk. "Hey," he said, head tilted down. His voice was low and familiar.

"Hi! Do you have an appointment?"

"N-no. I just moved here and was hoping I could set one up."

"Okay.... Dr. Picani is with a patient right now, but-- Remus?" Remus was staring at Patton, a sad frown accepting his dull eyes. "L-like I was saying, Emile--"

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" Patton began to fiddle with a pen. "You could have just said you didn't want to see me. I get it. I probably remind you of Ro and Logan, and that's fine. I failed you and I put off moving even though I said I would, and I understand that you're mad, and it's okay. But--"

"I wanted to see you." Remus stared at Patton, who stared right back.

"What?"

"I wanted to see you, but I couldn't say it. It's just so close to Roman's birthday, and I didn't know what to do or what to tell my son--"

"You have a son?" Patton nodded, tears in his eyes.

"I adopted him five years ago. His name is Virgil. He's funny, he's dark, and strange and sarcastic, and I love him more than anything."

"Boyfriend or husband?"

"Single dad and rockin' it." Remus laughed despite the tears that were escaping his eyes. Patton laughed with him, also crying. "I'm sorry. For everything," he sobbed. Remus took his hand.

"Me too." And that's how Larry and Dot found them five minutes later.

Holding hands and crying, together again.

--------------------------------------------------

[thomasxsides]

TS X Sides Weeks Jan. 30-Apr. 2nd

Introducing: Thomas X Sides Weeks! So many ships so there are many weeks! This runs for 2 months. A total of nine weeks! 

Rules: 

1. Smut is welcome but NOT submitted by minors! 

2. You do not have to participate in every week or in every day of every week but it is strongly encouraged! The only deadlines are the final days of each week. 

3. Submissions may be fanfic of any length, art, or edits (videos, photos, etc)

4. Pop into my ask box with any questions! 

5. Please note that all these ships are c!Thomas x Sides (including Emile and Remy). The owner of this blog and creator of this event is aware that c!Thomas and IRL Thomas Sanders are different and that the Sides are purely fictional. Thank you. 

6. Use the hashtag [#thomasxsides weeks 2022] for your works so I can find you! You may also tag me directly or submit things to the blog. 

7.  DO NOT TAG THOMAS IN SMUT!!! 

8. In fact, probably only tag Thomas if it’s ambiguous in nature (COULD be taken as platonic)

9. Preferably these will all be for romantic relationships and not just platonic. 

10. Sorry. I just needed to make it an even ten.  BE KIND AND HAVE FUN!!!

Dates: 

Jan. 30th - Feb 5th Thomceit (Thomas x Janus) Week

Feb. 6th - Feb. 12th Pattmas (Thomas x Patton) Week

Feb. 13th - Feb. 19th RomThom (Thomas x Roman) Week

Feb. 20th - Feb. 26th Thomxiety (Thomas x Virgil) Week

Feb. 27th - Mar. 5th Lomas (Thomas x Logan) Week

Mar. 6th - Mar. 12th Intrumas (Thomas x Remus) Week 

Mar. 13th - Mar. 19th Thomile (Thomas x Emile Picani) Week

Mar. 20th - Mar. 26th Sleepmas (Thomas x Remy) Week 

Mar. 27th - Apr. 2nd Polyamders (any polyamorous combination of Thomas x 2 or more of his sides) Week

PROMPTS BY DAY CAN BE FOUND HERE!!!

[nonbinaryroyalty43]

Paranoia!virgil, remus x logan x remy, pottery

Characters: Paranoia!Virgil, Remus, Logan, Remy, Janus, Emile, Patton, Roman, Thomas mentioned

Pairings: Remus x Logan x Remy, platonic Duxiety, platonic Virgil x Remy (there’s probably a ship name for that)

Warnings: Mentions of cheating, secrets, lying, panicking.

Summary: Remus and Remy have a habit of disappearing, giving Logan very suspicious excuses. Logan is determined to get to the bottom of it.

Tell me if I need to add any warnings,

*******

From the moment they began dating, Logan knew something was up. Remus and Remy were wonderful, they really were, but they were also terrible liars. Every couple weeks or so one of them would make an excuse and disappear for the day. The other would make a different excuse and be gone as well. It made Logan...uneasy.

His mind went over all the possible places the two could be going. They could have been meeting up with the other Darks Sides, but then why keep it a secret? They both knew that Logan didn’t care about where they came from. They could also could have been spending time alone together, but there was no reason to keep that a secret, either.

There was another possibility, but Logan, for once, refused to think of it. It didn’t make sense and even worse, it physically hurt Logan to think about it. However, it seemed to be the only logical explanation. 

Were his boyfriends...cheating on him?

Refusing to believe this without data, Logan made a plan. The next time his boyfriends left, he would follow them and finally get answers.

The day came much sooner than Logan had anticipated. It was Remus who spoke up first.

“I have to go meet Roman in Imagination. He has some ideas he wants to work on with me.” 

“Alright,” Logan said easily. He knew this was a lie, seeing as Roman planned to work on a video script with Thomas. “See you later.”

Remus gave him a quick kiss before sinking out. Remy was next. 

“I have to meet Emile for a bit. He says he’s worried about my mental health. See you in a bit, babes.” He disappeared before Logan could get a word in edgewise. 

So far, his plan was failing. Both his boyfriends had left and he had no clue as to where they had gone.

The next logical step was to ask the other Sides if they had seen either Remus or Remy.

With a new goal in mind, Logan began his search for the other Sides. Patton was no help, as he had been in the kitchen the entire morning. Emile couldn’t help either, as he was busy talking to Janus, who was also clueless. Logan couldn’t find Paranoia.

A feeling of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Please, he thought, please don’t let them be cheating on me with Paranoia.

His next stop was Roman’s room. As he expected, Roman was preparing for his creative session with Thomas.

“Good morning, Specs! What’s going on?”

“Salutations, Roman. I am trying to ascertain the whereabouts of Remus and Remy. You would not happen to know where they are, would you?”

“Of course,” Roman said with his usual dramatic flair. “They’re in Imagination with Paranoia! They tend to meet their often. They tend to meet on my side, which is weird, but oh well. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see Thomas.”

Roman sank out, leaving Logan in his room, feeling as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest. 

Logan took a few deep breaths to compose himself before opening Roman’s door to Imagination. Once inside, it was easy for him to feel Remus’, Remy’s, and Paranoia’s presence. He focused on them and sank down.

He didn’t know what he was expecting when he sank back up, but finding his boyfriends and Paranoia sitting in an art studio was not it. Remus was covered in paint, from where he’d been painting something entirely inappropriate on the wall. Remy and Paranoia sat side by side, both covered in clay from the pottery wheel that sat in front of them.

All three stared at Logan. “What are you doing here?” Paranoia asked accusingly. He turned to Remy and Remus. “You promised not to tell anyone.”

“We didn’t!” Remus protested. “We didn’t know he was gonna show up here, honest!”

Paranoia obviously didn’t believe them, as he stood up and sank out quickly, leaving Logan with his boyfriends.

“What is going on?” Logan said, finally finding his voice.

Remy sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “It’s nothing bad, hun, I promise. It’s just...Vir- Paranoia gets really anxious sometimes and can’t calm himself down. So Remus and I started a tradition. He would give us a sign that he’s struggling and we’d help him calm down. Sometimes we’d watch movies and other times, like today, we’d do something creative. He was embarrassed about needing help, so we promised not to tell anyone.”

Remy’s explanation left Logan feeling very stupid. Why did he theorize on what was going on when he didn’t have even a portion of the data?

Unfortunately for him, Remus was very in tune with Logan’s emotions. “What did you think was going on, Lo?”

Logan felt himself blush. “I do not know. I kind of thought you were, well, cheating on me.”

Remus and Remy exchanged looks and burst out laughing. Logan’s blush deepened and he crossed his arms defensively.

“I did not have all the facts! I took what little data I had and extrapolated from that. It appears as though I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you were!” Remus said, getting his laughter under control enough to speak. 

“Babes, we would never do that to you. I hope you know and I’m sorry if we every made you feel like we would.”

Oh, that was wrong on so many levels. “I don’t think either of you would do that,” Logan said. “I was just worried and I let my fears get the best of me. Rest assured, that won’t happen again.”

“Good.” Remy snapped his fingers and he was suddenly clean. “I need to go find Paranoia. He’s definitely freaking out over this.”

“Tell him I don’t judge him,” Logan said. “And I will keep this a secret.”

Remy nodded his thanks then disappeared. Only Remus and Logan remained, the former grinning like an idiot. 

“Wanna help me finish this?” 

Logan looked at the painting on the wall and nodded. “Yes. Let’s finish this.”

[im-an-anxious-wreck]

The Phantom Menace

AO3 link

Summary: When Logan, Patton, and Remus investigate a haunted manor attraction, will they discover whether the mysterious events are caused by an actual, nefarious ghost, or a more mundane culprit?

Warnings: two suggestive lines (courtesy of Remus), description of a scary ghost, Kid!Thomas, he doesn't get scared btw, cursing, not in front of Thomas though

Characters: Patton, Logan, Virgil, Roman, Remus, Janus, C!Thomas, Remy (TS Shorts, Sleep), October/Toby (TS Shorts, October), Emile (Cartoon Therapy), August/Gus (TS Shorts, August (mentioned))

Romantic relationship(s): Detective Husbands (Remus X Patton X Logan), endgame DLAMP

Queerplatonic relationship(s): Remile (Remy X Emile)

Platonic relationship(s): Patton & Emile, Creativitwins, Thomas & everyone (especially Remy, Emile, and Remus in this fic)

Word Count: 10,343

Link to my collection of TSS fanworks

This was written for the TS Halloween Exchange, and I was assigned to @dlamp! The words I included from their prompt list were: Disguise, Horror, Manor, Phantom, Supernatural, and Werewolf

Hope you enjoy :D

-

Five years ago, if you'd told Logan that he'd be a detective investigating the supernatural, he would've told you that such creatures didn't exist and to not waste his time.

And yet, he'd already fought a phantom, greeted a ghoul, and vexed a vampire, in the last week alone. Of course, he could vex a vampire literally anytime he confused his partner, Remus, but that was beside the point.

The point was, becoming a member of the Manticore society, a calmer of centaurs, and someone who knew a bit too much about dealing with demons, wasn't exactly anywhere on his top list of jobs when he was younger.

It was, however, much more fulfilling than he'd suspected back when Remus had first suggested it three years ago, after Logan, Remus, and Patton had successfully quelled a small zombie outbreak with the general public none the wiser. And they'd been fighting and assisting the supernatural, depending on the situation, ever since.

Logan was quite fortunate to have his loves by his side. His partners, in every sense of the word, were about the best companions he could ask for. 

Patton was as sweet as the cupcakes he sold at the bakery he worked at when they weren't off on a case, and managed to make his body look soft and homey yet tough and unyielding, very much like his personality.

Remus was about as kind as he was mischievous, and oh, Newton, could that man get up to some trouble when it suited him so. Logan was quite certain he was going to get grey hairs early because of Remus' antics. However, he couldn't find it in himself to care. Remus certainly made life interesting.

Both of them were very physically attractive, and could charm just about anyone if they had half a mind for it. For if Patton's kind, soft smile didn't get to them, Remus' wolfish grin sure would. 

They were very much opposites at times, but they made such a powerful force. And when they worked together… it was both terrifying and awe-inspiring.

Not only could they charm information out of civilians and all but make people forget that they weren't actually supposed to be there, but they could fight with some of the most fierce monsters.

But even more impressive, oftentimes they didn't even need to fight, and were able to work out a compromise of some sort. 

Logan wasn't the type to sell himself short, he knew full and well what he was capable of, but seeing Patton and Remus in action was a privilege, and it was an honour to work alongside them.

And he was quite sure that tonight wouldn't be any different, even if there wasn't a high chance of any actual supernatural people or creatures being there.

They were investigating a haunted manor to see if it was actually haunted, and the irony was not lost on Logan.

It was a rather cool night, seeing as it was late October and storming, and, fortunate for their investigations, the haunted manor was closing early because the storm was getting worse. 

"Hey, Lo?" Patton asked from the driver's seat.

"Yes, Patton?" Logan leaned a bit forward in the middle seat of the backseat.

"It's… it's gettin' pretty bad out there."

"We're almost there though, right, Patso?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, we are. I just thought that maybe when we get there we should stay till it's over and tell anyone else we see to do the same."

"Mm, quite right. 

Remus put his feet up on the dash and, after Patton scolded him, put them down again with a laugh. "Oh, hey! My old roommate works there, I'll ask him to ask his boss if that's alright."

"Ah, good. Thank you, starlight. Which roommate was that?"

"Virgin!"

"Ah, Vee, yes. From what I've heard about him, it makes sense that he'd work in an establishment such as this."

"Yep! It kinda makes him anxious sometimes, but he really likes working here. Plus, it like, really fits his aesthetic, ya know?"

Patton pulled into the parking lot, parked and turned the car off. "Okay, everyone has an umbrella?"

"Nope!"

Patton sighed. "Remus, I thought I told you to grab one."

"You did," Logan assured. "He just forgot. But, as always, we can share mine. It's plenty large enough for this exact reason."

"My hero!"

"Yes, yes." Logan rolled his eyes fondly.

The umbrella could only do so much against the rain that the wind whipped around, leaving them half soaked by the time they'd made the short trek to the manor.

"Wow," Patton marveled. "This place is so big! How are we going to find… whatever might be here?"

"That… that is a good question. Hmm…"

"We could split up," Remus suggested as he pulled out his phone, and began tapping away.

"Okay!" Patton nodded. "That works for me. I'll go left, y'all go right then."

Logan hummed. "Very well, text or call us if you find anything, or somewhere that might be a good place to send anyone who might still be here."

" 'Kay!" 

"Oh, by the way, Virgin says his boss says 'it's okay, but good luck, because the place is basically a labyrinth.' ...Huh, yeah. I can kinda see that." Remus slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Ah, good. Having the owner's permission is certainly optimal."

"Alrighty, glad to have that sorted." Patton gave Logan and Remus each a kiss. "I'll see y'all in a bit. Bye!"

"Bye! Don't let a skeleton bone you, that's my job!"

"Stay safe, cookie." Yes, Logan used baking-themed nicknames for Patton when no one —Remus being the one exception— was around. It was a perfectly normal thing for people in a relationship to do.

"Will do, and y'all too!" Patton waved one last time, before disappearing down the left corridor.

Logan and Remus walked for several minutes, Remus filling the silence with interesting scientific facts and gory play-by-plays of his favourite horror movies, before they heard voices coming from just around the corner.

In a room to Logan's right —which didn't have a door, only a drawn back curtain, and appeared to be a storage room of sorts— there were two adult men and one little boy sitting on crates.

A man with sunglasses —why was he wearing sunglasses at night?— seemed to be the boy's parent or guardian, if the boy all but sitting in his lap was to be any indicator at all.

The other man must've been a scare actor, judging by his vampire outfit that was covered with (what Logan at least hoped to be) fake blood. 

All three of them looked at Remus and Logan as they walked in.

"Apologies," Logan began, "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask everyone to not leave the premises. It's storming quite heavily, as you can hear, so I need everyone to stay calm and where you are."

The child, who couldn't be more than 7 or 8 years old, raised his hand.

"Um, yes?"

"Yeah, what if we have to go to the bathroom?"

Remus snorted. "The kids got a point. Should they just piss themselves?"

"Detective King," Logan scolded, before turning back to the child. "No, you may leave the room to use the restroom, just make sure you have a guardian with you."

"...Like a guardian angel? 'cause I've met one and they were mean."

A man with sunglasses laughed gently. "No, he meant parent or legal guardian. So me or Papa… whenever he gets back that is."

"Ohh. Okay."

"Actually," the other adult spoke up, "If you don't mind us moving once, I think the breakroom would be better suited, especially if we're gonna be here awhile. We've got couches, snacks and drinks, board games, and it's got its own bathroom."

"Ah, excellent. Thank you, Mr…"

"Virgil. No 'Mr. So-and-so' necessary."

"Well, thank you, Virgil. I shall let my coworker know to direct any people there."

"Oh, yeah, and let them know if they see an actor dressed like a zombie that he can direct them and anyone else there."

"Alright, thank you. I will let him know. Lead the way then."

As they walked through the haunted manor Logan quickly informed Patton over the phone of what Virgil had said. Patton had confirmed that he and whoever he found would be headed that way. 

Logan had just hung up when the child spoke, "Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?" The sunglass man asked (Logan really needed to learn everyone's names).

"Should we be worried about Papa?"

"Nah, you know he can take care of himself."

"Yeah… still." The boy let out a sigh beyond his years. "I hope Uncle Pat finds him so he can stay in the brick room with us."

"Um, apologies for interrupting but, Patton is your uncle?"

"Yeah! Papa's 'dopted but definitely still counts. Are you and Detective King his detective husbands he talks a lot about?"

"Husbands?"

Remus smiled widely. "Yep! That's us. So you must be Remy and Thomas then!"

"Yeah! I'm Thomas. And some people call my Dad 'Remy', but that's 'cause that's his name."

"Ohh, I see."

"Only I get to call him Dad 'cause I'm his only kid."

"Okay, so, at restaurants they never say 'order for Dad'?"

Thomas giggled. "Nooo."

Virgil jumped in, " 'Order for dat boi'?"

"Noooo, they say 'order for Remy'."

"Ohhh, now I got it." Remus nodded faux seriously. " 'Order for Remington'."

Thomas laughed again. "Noooo."

How Remus was always so good with kids, Logan would never understand. It'd helped on many a case though, and Logan was always slightly awestruck, yet extremely grateful for it.

" 'Order for Remy'!" Thomas insisted.

"Oh, ohh, ohhh. I see. Man, this kid is a hoot. What, are you a supernatural entity? W— er, they always have the best humour."

"I am! How'd you know!!"

Remy's eyebrows raised above his sunglasses. "Uh, haha, kids. Am I right? Always pretending to be monsters..."

"Dad," Thomas all but whined.

Remus sobered up uncharacteristically fast. "It's alright, Remy. Logan's actually the only human here right now."

"What!" Virgil exclaimed. "How? No, that's so rude," he all but whined.

"Oh, shi— shoot. Sorry, Verge. Didn't mean to out you."

Despite knowing the supernatural existed, Logan still felt like he was being thrown through a figurative loop. "...What."

Remus snorted. "Okay so, I'm a vampire as you know. Remy is… not human. Thomas is half-demon like Emile and half… whatever Rem is. And Virgil is—"

"A werewolf, yeah yeah."

"I'm a gorgon. I wear sunglasses for a reason, babes."

Thomas frowned. "Wait, Mr. Virgil, if you're a werewolf then why are you dressed like a vampire?"

"Eh, my boss, October, thought it'd fit my aesthetic, and like, he's not wrong."

"Mm…" Thomas looked around and sighed impatiently. "Um, how big is this place? We've been walking forever!"

"Almost there! I just… got a— a bit distracted and turned around but we're back on the right path now. It should be like, right down this hallway… hopefully." Virgil lowered his voice to a mutter, "Why the heck did October think a maize of identical-looking hallways would be a good idea?"

"...Are we lost?" Logan asked.

"Uhh, not anymore, 'cause here we are! Make yourselves at home everybody."

It was a simplistic but nice room, with a completely stocked kitchen in the right diagonal corner, a large u-shaped couch to the left, and a table and chairs to the right. Unlike the rest of the manor, it was not horror-themed. Instead, the walls were a soft green, the floor was split down the middle — on the left was brown carpet and on the right was tile.

Logan's phone vibrated soundlessly, seeing as he always turned the ringer off on cases, and he pulled it out, briefly seeing the name 'Patton' flash across the screen before he answered it. "Patton? Is everything alright?"

"Uhhh, yeah. No, yeah, everything good…"

"Oh, I meant to ask you," Logan said with a casualness he didn't feel, "is Batman or Robin better? I personally prefer Batman." 

It was a simple but effective code, created after Logan hadn't known Patton was kidnapped and forced to pretend everything was okay when Logan called. It had been… almost too late. 

After that, Logan determined a casual seeming code was the best solution. It had to be something either of them could say, even if they were on speakerphone, so they didn't tip the kidnapper off. 

Batman meant everything was fine and they could freely talk, but Robin meant they were in danger and needed help.

"Batman, don't worry. Everything's okay. Just… interesting."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean??"

"Oh, well, hmm. There's a lot to explain, and stuff's still going on so— Em… don't… no! Don't touch that. Shoot, I gotta go."

"No, wait—"

"Everything's okay! We can take care of ourselves, I promise. Bye!"

"Wh…"

Remus walked over. "Is Pat doing alright?"

"Yes. He's just," Logan sighed, "being as cryptic as ever. He said just enough that I know that he's okay, but was also weird enough that I'm a bit concerned."

"Well, if that ain't Patty when he's by himself on a case."

"Or when he's with you."

"Yeah, that too… but since you're like actually worried, do you want me to go find him?"

"I don't know, last time I let you go off alone, you went off the grid for an hour and came back with a kitten, 12 bags of Halloween candy —still not sure how you got those, considering it was June!— And… oh, yeah. A murderer that we weren't even looking for."

"Oh, come on! That was one time! And even you admitted that was pretty impressive."

"Yes, it was. The 'accidentally dropping your phone in the toilet so no one could reach you', however, was not."

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, then maybe you should go."

"Hmm, I… I don't know. Ugh, it's at times like these that a fourth partner would be nice. I really should be doing this in teams of two. Like one of us would already be with Patton, so we would know what the hell is going on, or even right now one person could stay, and two could leave. That way no one is by themselves, which is, of course, the perfect time for something bad to happen."

"Pff, right! People work in teams of two for a reason. So, I guess we'll just have to five and ten it?"

"Yes, you're right. Now is not the time to be worrying about that. Alright, I'll text you every 5 minutes and call every ten."

"Good. Stay safe, Nerds And Turds."

Logan and Remus walked back over to where Virgil, Remy, and Thomas were on the couch. "So, I don't know why it's taking Pa— er, Detective Hart so long to find everyone else here and bring them here, so I shall go look for them. Detective King will stay here, and there's nothing to worry about, alright?"

"Wait," Virgil said, "You're just going off on your own? Have you never seen a horror movie? Always go in twos. It's just common sense, or so I thought."

Logan tiredly rubbed at the bridge of his nose before adjusting his glasses back in place. "Yes, teams of two are best, but there's only three of us so it's a bit difficult."

"Oh, well I can go with you then. I'm not the most athletic but being a werewolf means I'm a lot stronger than the average human and I can see pretty well in the dark. Not that I think the lights are necessarily gonna go out, just you know, if they did."

"I wanna go too!" Thomas declared.

"Oh, no you don't." Remy gently held Thomas' shoulder. "We're staying right here."

"But I wanna go help find Papa too."

"I know, Babe. But I'd really prefer that we stay here. Plus, that way if he shows up here we'll know and Detective King can let…"

"Detective Croft."

"Can let Detective Croft know."

Thomas let out a big sigh. "Okaaay. I guess we can stay here then."

"Oh," Remus said, "If you're taking a partner, you don't need to five and ten it then."

"Mm, right… Well, with all that sorted out then, we'll be back soon. Are you ready to go, Virgil?"

"Yep, lead the way."

-

"I still can't believe you almost knocked down that whole shelf!"

Emile huffed. "Well, how was I supposed to know it was that fragile? It wasn't like I did it on purpose."

"Yeah, I—" Patton sighed. "Still… I did kinda end the phone call quickly. I hope Logan doesn't worry too mu—"

Emile made a shushing gesture. "...Pat?"

"Yeah, Emy?"

"Do you… do you hear something?"

"...No. What are you hearing?"

"It kinda sounds like someone crying." 

"...Shoot, that's not good!" They came to a crossroad of sorts, and if this wasn't such a serious situation, Patton would've made a joke about it. "Can you tell which way it's coming from?"

"Uhhh, yeah. To the right… oh."

"Oh? Oh, what? Are they hurt?!"

"Hmm? No, no! I think they're just overwhelmed or lost. The 'oh' was 'cause I can faintly smell Remy and Thomas. They must've been through here recently."

"Well… I can find and comfort whoever's scared. Go find the rest of your family."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. Especially since you told me which way to go."

"Alrighty tighty!"

"Stay safe!"

"You too!" And with that, Emile was gone.

Patton quickly made his way through the hallway, hoping he didn't get lost before he could find the person. Why did every hallway have to look the same!

-

Roman was crying. He knew he shouldn’t be crying, but he just couldn't get himself to stop. It had been a silly reason to cry to begin with. It was just supposed to be a harmless prank… probably. 

He had been cleaning up after his shift when the door to the changing room had shut and been locked from the outside. Roman, half panicked had begged them to let him out, but they refused, saying that he'd just have to wait for his crush to come rescue him when Virgil was ready to come get cleaned off. 

Roman had tried to hold off the tears and hyperventilation, even after they left. Surely Virgil would be done soon… right? 

But after the clock on the wall said that Virgil was 30 minutes past due, Roman couldn't fight it off any longer, tears streaming down his face, and breaths coming out in whooping gasps.

He couldn't tell how much longer he cried, the clock on the wall's battery having died at 42 minutes past the end of Virgil's shift. It felt like a long time though.

Of all the days to leave his phone at home…

Despite the stopped clock, time still would move forward. What if he was trapped all night?! What would he do? What could he do? 

Oh, god. He was trapped. He'd have to wait all night—

"Hello?" A voice Roman didn't recognize echoed from down the hall.

Roman perked up. "He… hello?"

"Oh, hi! I'm Patton. Can you say something again? It's kinda hard to tell where you are."

"Um, my name's Roman." Roman sniffed and quickly tried to dry his face, "I'm over h— here. Just a bit past the p— painting of a snotty looking l— lady, there's a door. It's… it's locked though, I'm 'fraid."

"Oh," Patton tried at the door, "So it is. Huh. Would it be okay if I broke it down?"

"W— well, I don't think my boss w— would be super happy with that…"

"Or, I could just pick the lock," a smooth new voice outside the changing room said. 

Patton screamed. 

"Patton? Patton, are you okay!?"

"Yeah, sorry, Kiddo! I was just startled. Um, hi! I'm Patton."

"Uh, good evening, you may call me… Deceit."

"Ooh, that's a cool name!"

"That's not…" Deceit sighed before his voice sounded closer to the door, "Anyway, are you still alive in there?"

"Yeah… I'm o— okay. Just don't… don't like being t— trapped is all."

"Well, let's fix the you being trapped part then!" Patton chirped.

Roman heard the doorknob rattling for a little bit before the door swung open to reveal… two very handsome men about Roman's age. His 'oh my god, I'm trapped' panic may be gone, but it'd been quickly replaced with his 'oh my god, I'm gay' panic.

The man who'd been there first —Patton, Roman recalled— was a very tall, fat and strong fellow. And Roman could see why he'd offered to break down the door. Roman had no doubt the burly man could, and with fairly good ease. He had brown eyes, the fluffiest golden brown hair, and wore the most Dad looking outfit Roman had ever seen — Khakis, a blue polo, and a light grey cardigan tied around his shoulders. 

He was also so hairy that Roman couldn't help but wonder if the dude was a werewolf. Hell, Roman's brother was a vampire, so anything was possible.

The second man, who went by Deceit, was on the short side (at least compared to Patton), with glittering green scales covering the left side of his face. His right eye was brown, and the left was yellow and literally, albeit faintly, glowing. The yellow eye looked rather snake-like —slit pupil, no white, didn't blink—  and considering his scales, it very well could be. 

Deceit looked a bit overdressed with his caplet, bowler hat, and yellow gloves atop his more regular looking attire, but Roman found it more charming than anything.

"Are… are you okay, kiddo?" Patton asked Roman, eyes filled with concern.

"Hmm? Yeah, sorry." Oh, god. He'd gotten distracted by both of their beauty. "Yeah, I'm okay. Um, now that the doors open, I'm, uh, I'm good."

"Well, that's good!" Patton turned to Deceit. "Oh, I almost forgot! It's very nice to meet you. Both of you!"

"Oh, nice to meet you too," Roman said.

"Huh… neither of you seem to be freaked out by my scales… aren't… shit. I mean, this is a costume… obviously. This is a haunted manor so obviously there are scare actors dressed in scary costumes… like me. Right now. Yes."

"Wow." Roman raised his eyebrows. "That… that's not believable at all. Like I just… I— oof."

Deceit sighed. "Fuck."

"Um, well, I am a human," Patton began, and there went the werewolf theory, "But well, my adopted brother is a demon, his queerplatonic partner is a gorgon, and they have a half-demon, half-gorgon kid, and one of my partners is a vampire so I guess I'm just used to supernatural stuff happening."

"Umm, yeah, same," Roman said. "It's just like, a normal thing for me too. My brother is a vampire and my cru— er, my coworker is almost definitely not human. So, yeah. We don't care if you're not human."

"Oh… well that's… okay then. Um, good."

Patton gave Deceit a reassuring smile. "Oh, we should be going as soon as we can. My partner, Logan, said that I needed to find a zombie and he'd know where the breakroom is. That's where everyone is regrouping."

"Regroupin—" Deceit began to ask but Roman interrupted.

"Wait, Logan? And your name is Patton… and your other partner is a vampire??"

"Uh, yes? Why?"

"You're Remus' partner?!"

Patton's eyes lit up. "You know Remus?"

"Yeah, I know Remus. He's my brother!"

"Oh! You're that Roman then!"

"Yeah!"

"Wait, Remus?" Deceit asked. "Are we talking about Remus King by any chance?"

"Uh, yes? How do you know my brother?"

"That bastard used to be one of my roommates, till he moved in with his partners, that is."

"Oh, wow!" Patton exclaimed. "What a small world. Wait, I think he mentioned his roommates…"

"Oh, dear."

"Are you Janny or Vir… er, it's not a very nice word, and I think that was a nickname, so it's probably Virgil, or maybe something completely different, I'm not sure."

"Mm, Remus certainly does enjoy more… creative nicknames. But yes, his name is Virgil."

"Wait, Virgil?" Roman asked. "You know Virgil Storm?"

Deceit raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps."

"He's my coworker!"

"The crush one?" Patton asked.

"Uh, m— maybe."

"Oop— sorry, that's so nosey."

"Nah, you're uh, you're good."

Deceit sighed. "What, does everyone just know everyone else's friends, partners, and family? Next you're going to tell me you know… I don't know, my barista, Remy, or something." After seeing the recognition on Patton's face, Deceit's eyes widened. "No… no way. Sure— surely not…"

"Well… I'm not saying for sure, but it is a pretty unusual name, and my brother's partner's name is Remy… does your barista always wear sunglasses?"

"...I just. How??"

"Well, that's him then."

"Oh, my goodness." Roman laughed. "This is amazing… although I must say, if we don't stop talking about the people we know, we're never gonna leave."

"Oh yeah, now we just need to find the zombie!" Patton chirped.

"Wait…"

"No," Deceit sternly said. "Absolutely not. This is frankly ridiculous. What now?"

"Well, I'm a scare actor, and today I was in a zombie costume…"

"Oh! I found you! Nice. Well, I guess we're off to the breakroom then!"

"Right this way!"

-

No one screamed when the lights flickered and went out like they do in scary movies. Dad did whimper though.

"...Dad?"

"Y— yeah? You scared, Toms? It's okay. There's no… no reason to be s— scared."

"It's okay, Dad! I'm not scared. Plus, my eyes light up in the dark… see!" Thomas made his eyes glow a reddish-orange.

"Yeah… yeah, that's right. You can… you c— can see if there was something here… right?"

"Yeah!" 

"I can too," Detective King said.

"Oh, yeah!" Thomas looked over at Detective King. " 'Cause you're a vampire, right?"

"Yep!"

"Oh, I see how it is. Y'all ganging up on me," Dad teased. "Sure, just leave me to be the blind one."

"It's okay, Dad! We'll protect you from any monsters! Or the most dangerous species of all… humans."

"Oh, man. You taught this kid right."

"Yeah! He and Papa are the bestest parents ever!"

"That's awesome, kid." Detective King stood up. "Hey, I'll be right back. I'm just gonna pop my head out and see if I hear anything."

Thomas giggled. "Heh, 'see if you hear'."

"Yeah, yeah." Detective King chuckled a bit to himself, walked over to the door, and opened it. He stood there for a minute and Thomas could tell he was just about to shut the door again when red lights clicked on about floor level in the hallway, casting a dim light on the floor and shadows behind furniture.

Dad frowned. "Huh, I suppose that's an appropriate colour to choose for a haunted mansion…"

"Yeah! Wait, does that mean we're in a horror movie?"

Thomas could just barely see Detective King chewing on his lip... thoughtfully? ...Worriedly? Something like that anyway. "Nah, kid. I'm sure everything's fine. The storm just probably knocked out some lines." Detective King didn't look like he believed his words though.

"Hmm, well, as long as no one gets hurt, I kinda think it'd be fun."

Dad shook his head fondly. "You would, babe. You would."

"Wait." Detective King tilted his head to the side, kinda like a puppy that was listening intently. "Someone's coming this way."

Dad sat taller and definitely looked worried. "Do you know who?"

"Nah, I can't recognize the steps of them. They're getting really close though."

"Shut the door. Maybe they won't know we're here if we're quiet, and if it's someone we know, they would know to come to the break room anyway."

Detective King shut the door slowly so it wouldn't be loud and walked closer to Thomas and Dad. He stood between them and the door. Was he trying to protect them? It made Thomas feel… glad maybe? But also… scared. Detective King was nice, and Thomas was sure he'd help fight if it came down to it.

The handle turned and everyone held their breath, Detective King took a fighting stance with Dad not too far behind him.

Thomas had barely seen the person's outline before he cried, "Papa!" And ran to hug him. He saw Detective King and Dad slouch in relief and couldn't help but feel the same as he buried his face in Papa's shoulder after Papa had squatted down.

"Hey, little monkey. Everyone doing okay?" Papa asked as he stood up, lifting Thomas up and holding him in his arms.

"Yeah, we're fine, Em," Dad said. "Just weren't sure if it was a friend or foe coming. But we're okay... Wanna sit down, and tell us all about what's going on?"

"Did you see anyone else while you were out there?" Detective King asked after everyone had sat down on the couch, Thomas still in Papa's arms, sitting on his lap.

"Well, Pat was with me, but I heard someone crying, so he went to check it out. I didn't go with him 'cause I'd smelled that y'all had been through there."

"Hmm, okay." Detective King sighed. "I just wish I knew if Pat and Lo were okay for sure…"

Thomas frowned. "Can't you just text or call them?" 

"...Wow. I— wow. Yeah, that's… fu— fudge, that's a good idea, kid."

"Um, you're welcome!"

"I don't know why that didn't cross my mind before but whatever. Yeah, I'm… I'ma do that then." Detective King put the phone to his ear for a moment before frowning, lowering it, pressing a few buttons, and trying again. No one answered.

"Can't reach them?" Dad asked with a small frown.

"No. Pat I can understand, but it's not like Lo to not answer. Maybe they're on a call together? Although, wouldn't he just add me to it? Urgh, I hate not knowing. 

"Oh! Logan texted me. 'I presume you are attempting to call me to check-in. 

'Also, apologies for sending one sentence at a time. 

'I am typing one-handed and am on the phone with Patton. 

'However, I can assure you that we are okay. 

'Well, it's not the most ideal situation, but Patton and two others are on their way to assist. 

'Please stay where you are. 

'We will be coming to you as soon as possible.' Wow. And he was complaining about Patton being cryptic earlier. What am I even supposed to do with this?"

Dad raised an eyebrow. "Well, I would guess that 'please stay where you are' means you should stay... where you are. Ya know, just a guess."

"Yeah, yeah, smarta— alec." Detective King tapped on his phone for a minute longer. "Alright, got that taken care of…"

Detective King sighed dramatically. "It's such a shame there's absolutely no one here who'd wanna play board games with me… Oh, well, guess I'll just have to play all by myself."

"No, wait!" Thomas exclaimed. "I wanna play!!"

"Oh, yeah? You would take pity on an old man like me and struggle through one round of such an archaic form of entertainment for me?"

Thomas giggled. "Yeah. I will!"

"Oh, thank you. Why I'd be absolutely bored to tears otherwise!"

"Can we play too?" Dad asked. "Or is it just for the cool kids?"

"You and Papa can play too! Right, Detective King?"

"Of course, kid."

"How are we gonna play in the dark?" Papa mused.

"I have a flashlight."

"Oh, that's a good idea!" Thomas exclaimed. "Is it in case your phone dies? So that way you still have a light, plus then you don't haveta use all your phone battery on using your phone like a flashlight."

"Yeah, that's exactly right actually. You're… you're really smart, aren't you?"

"Mm, maybe! I've been told that a lot but I still have quite a bit to learn."

"Ah, well, those aren't mutually exclusive."

"What's that mean?"

"It means both can be right at the same time. Just because you still have a lot to learn, doesn't mean that you're not smart."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Plus, we all have a lot to learn. That's the great thing about life, you never stop learning!" Remus paused. "Now, I have a super important question for you…"

"Ooh, what?"

"Which board game should we play first?"

-

"I know you said it was no problem," Virgil said, with a casualness he didn't feel, "But I really appreciate being able to stop by the changing room. The fake blood was starting to get a bit itchy."

"Of course." Detective Croft gave Virgil a half-smile which made Virgil insides turn mushy. "I'd imagine that you've been wearing that for quite a while, so a change is good. And we certainly don't want you to have any sort of negative reaction to the fake blood."

"Yeah, it's also really nice to have my normal hoodie bac— whoa, what's that!"

"A… ghost? I didn't know they were real."

"Me either… wanna go talk to it?"

"We are supposed to be finding Pa— Detective Hart and anyone else we can."

"Okay, first of all, you can call him by his first name. I really don't care. Second, how many chances are we gonna have to talk to a ghost! Third, you said Detective Hart is capable, yeah?"

"Yes."

"Then he can take care of him and whoever he finds. And… fifth of all—"

"Fourth."

"Oh, yeah. Fourth of all, maybe the ghost has seen something useful."

Detective Croft sighed. "Alright. I suppose you're right."

"Yes!"

They cautiously approached the ghost, which didn't seem to notice them, or at the very least, didn't care.

"Um, hello?" Virgil asked. "Just wondering if you've maybe… I don't know, seen anyone recently?"

The ghost turned its head without moving its body and oh… Its face, with its open black void of a mouth with far too many teeth, and blood-red eyes, looked like it was right out of one of Remus' favourite movies. Never a good thing. 

"Oh…"

"Yes, my sentiments exactly."

The lights began to flicker as the ghost approached them.

"Uhh… should we be running?"

"I'm… not really sure. That might just anger it further."

"oR," —came the most grating voice Virgil had ever heard— "pErhApS… i'M aLreAdY aNgrY."

"Ah, well, our apologies for disturbing you. We'll just be on our way th—"

"nO."

"...No?" 

"Fuck," Virgil whispered. "What're we supposed to do now?"

"Um… I'm not sure. Try not to die, I suppose."

"You suppose??"

"No, wait. We definitely should try to stay alive. Apologies. I am not… the best at adapting to new situations."

"Hah, mood."

The lights blinked, and Virgil could hear the loud buzz of them trying to stay on.

Detective Croft hummed noncommittally. "Well, this is not ideal."

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock."

"But my name is— ah, you were comparing me to sir Arthur Conan Doyle's fictional character, Sherlock Holmes. He is remarkably intelligent, so thank you."

"That's… okay. Yeah."

"But if you would prefer, my name is Logan."

"...Kinda a weird time but 'kay. You can call me Virgil then… Wait, I've already said that, haven't I?"

"Mm, you have, but that's quite alright."

The electricity spluttered one more time before they were pitched into darkness.

"Oh…" Detect— Logan whispered softly.

"Well, fuck… Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!"

"Are… are you afraid of the dark, Virgil?"

Virgil huffed. "No. Just don't wanna have to fight a ghost in the dark."

"Ah. Quite understandable. It is… very, um, dark indeed. Quite… quite dark."

"...Oh."

"Yes. I'm… physically fine though, so we should turn back to the matter at figurative hand."

"Yeah…" Virgil huffed. "You'd think with my boss being as… I mean, he thinks of everything! Like, c'mon, dude's rich as fuck and he can't even be bothered with back up generat—" Backup lights flicked on, lining the walkway with an eerie red glow. "That's… oh, that's worse. That's like, so much worse."

"Apologies, but I fail to see how this is worse than being in complete darkness."

"Well, I mean, it's just that the red lights make it look like a horror movie… and with the ghost and all… just kind of anxious about how this will end. Heh."

"Oh… I think partial lighting is better. Especially if we're going to try and… escape from the ghost."

"Wait, speaking of which… where'd it go?"

"...Hmm, that is odd. Perhaps it left—"

Something shoved Virgil's back roughly, pushing both him and Logan into an open door, which quickly clicked shut and locked behind them.

Virgil couldn't help but notice how the closet was so small that his chest was right up against Logan's. A tingling sensation burned everywhere they touched.

"Well, shit," Virgil said. "I mean, that certainly went better than I thought it might but still… fuck."

Logan sighed. "Quite." He tried the door but it didn't budge. Logan softly swore under his breath. "Hmm… how are we going to get out? There's not even a lock on the inside that we could pick…"

"Hey… I have an idea…"

"Yes, Virgil?"

"Maybe, hear me out, maybe… like, what if… we called Patton?"

"...Goddamnit."

"Sorry?" 

"No, that's… that's a good idea. I suppose the adrenaline was clouding my thinking. Of course, I should've thought of that even before the..."

"Phantom menace?"

Logan let out a startled laugh. "A Star Wars reference. Nice. But yes, the ghost encounter."

"Hey, it's alright, man. I didn't think of it 'till just now anyway."

"Thank you for the, ah, comfort. I'll call Patton then."

"No problem, man."

Patton picked up almost immediately and Logan put him on speakerphone.

"Hey, Lo! What's up?"

-

The power was out and it was times like these that Janus was glad he wasn't afraid of the dark. A little worried about who, or what, could be lurking in the darkness? Yes. But there was nothing —save perhaps for accidentally tripping or bumping into one of the others— that the dark could actually do to hurt him.

It hadn't been more than half a minute after they were plunged into darkness that red lights flicked on near their feet, making the floor dimly lit, and casting long shadows behind everything.

"Well," Janus indulged in a deep sigh, "This doesn't seem ominous and foreboding at all."

"Really?" Roman asked. "I thought it seemed exactly like something that'd happen in a horror movie." 

Janus quirked an eyebrow. "That was sarcasm."

"...Oh. Right. Yeah, that… that makes more sense."

Patton sighed. "Alright, well, we're not gonna get back just standing here. You still sure you know which way to go, Roman?"

"Um… yeah. No, yeah. It just… takes me a second sometimes. It's a big place, okay!"

"Wow. Your confidence is truly amazing."

"Hey!"

"Oh my goodness, kiddos."

They walked through the identical hallways for another minute or two before Patton's phone rang. He answered it, putting it on speakerphone. "Hey, Lo! What's up?"

"Greetings, Patton. I figuratively trust all is well? ...Or at least going better than our current predicament."

"Uh, everything's going fine here. You okay?"

'Lo' sighed. Janus figured Lo was probably short for Logan, Patton's previously mentioned… husband? Partner anyway.

"We are physically fine…"

"But a creepy-ass ghost locked us in a closet." Virgil finished.

Janus looked at the phone in slight shock. "Virgil?"

"Wait, Virgil?" Roman asked. "What are you doing there?"

"I volunteered to help Detective Croft find his husband, but we only just thought to call y'all soooo… also we're kinda trapped, so yeah. We were trying to rescue you and now we need rescuing. Heh."

Janus sighed. "Good job, Virgil."

"Oh, shut up, Jan."

"Hey," Patton frowned a bit. "It's not nice to tell people to shut up."

"Yeah," Roman agreed. "You gotta tell them to 'shut the fuck up'."

"Noo! That's worse."

"Oh, I knew I liked you for a reason, Roman."

Logan sighed. "So, will you be coming to help us or not?"

"Yeah, we're coming! Don't worry, Lo-Lo. Bye!"

"No, wait!" Virgil exclaimed.

"Yes?"

"You don't even know where we are."

"...Oh yeah!"

"Virgil." Logan sighed again, much louder than before. "We don't even know where we are."

"Yeah, but it'll be easier with open communication. Should we start yelling and see if they can hear us?"

"Actually, if any of us should be yelling," Janus said, "it should be us because you have really good hearing."

"Yeah, but I can't follow the sound of your voice now can I! It'd be like the worst game of hot and cold."

"Oh, I should warn you, there is some sort of ghost and it…" Logan paused. "It really doesn't like eye contact."

Patton hummed. "Oh, yeah. I meant to ask about that. Y'all are okay, right?" 

Logan's voice softened. "Yes, dear. We are unharmed. The closet we are in is so small that we cannot sit, but I doubt that it'll take hours for you to find us."

"Oh, well, that's goo—"

"The kissing closet!" Virgil exclaimed.

"What?"

"Roman, we're in the kissing closet! I can't believe it took me so long to realize, but like, having seen that ghost… geez." 

"Oh, we're not far then! Uhh… oh, this way." Roman waited a few moments before speaking again, "So, tell me more about this ghost."

"It was like… well, Jan, you know those movies Re likes? It was like something out of that."

"Actually, I think Roman knows exactly what you're talking about."

"Yeah!" Roman exclaimed. "Remus really, really loves horror movies."

"Wait, you know Remus?"

"Well, I would sure hope I know my own identical twin!"

"You're Remus' brother!?"

"I know, that's what I said!" Patton exclaimed.

"Wh— why is this such a surprise to people? I know he's like… a lot more lewd than me, but we have the same face! Does the mustache really make that much difference?"

"...Okay, now that you say that, that actually makes a shit ton of sense. I don't know why it never occurred to me before."

Logan cleared his throat. "Oh, I've updated Remus on the current situation by the way."

"Oh?" Patton frowned. "When?"

"Hmm? When we were talking a little while ago. I texted him."

"Oh, good. I hope he wasn't too worried."

"He didn't seem to be too distressed. Just wanted to check-in."

"Well, that's good."

"Almost there!" Roman announced.

"Oh, thank fuck."

"Ah, that's good. Thank you, Roman."

"And if he was a bit worried," Janus said, "We should be there fairly soon. Just as soon as we—"

"Help Virgil and Logan out of the closet?" Roman asked. "…Sorry, I just couldn't help myself."

Janus raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Yes, just as soon as we help them out of the closet."

"Yeah, I kinda think it's like, way too late for that kind of out of the closet," Virgil joked. "The more literal kind however…"

"Yeah, yeah." Janus rolled his eyes. "We're working on it."

"Never fear, my Emo dear!" Roman declared. "We're… aha! We're here. Hey, Dee, can yo—"

Janus couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "Dee?"

"Er…"

"No, it's… it's alright."

"...Was that sarcasm?"

"No, it's actually alright. Did you have something you were saying though?"

"Oh yeah! Can you pick the lock?"

"Yeah!" Virgil yelled from in the closet. "Let us out!" He huffed. "...Please."

"Well, since you said please, I suppose I could help you out of the closet." Janus got out his lockpick and got to work.

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny. Just, literally, get us out of the closet."

The lock clicked and Janus opened the door. "Oh, you're quite crammed in there, aren't you?"

Virgil untangled himself from Logan. "Yeah. They call this 'the kissing closet' for a fuckin' reason."

"Oh!" Patton exclaimed. "I get it now."

Logan let out a strangled sort of laugh. "Oh, Newton, I love you."

Patton giggled. "Wow, this Newton guy must be very special if you love him that vehemently."

Logan hugged Patton from the side and snuggled up to him. "Newton has nothing on you, my dear."

"Awww, Lo! Well, I love you more than puppies and cookies!"

Roman stage whispered to Virgil and Janus, "Should… should we give them some space, or…?"

"Apologies." Logan went to move back but Patton seemed hesitant to let go. "I usually don't allow, let alone initiate, such displays of public affection."

"Nah, you're good, dude," Virgil assured.

"Agreed, you and your…" Janus hesitated. How the hell was he supposed to know what their relationship was? "Partner are very sweet together."

"Yes! Love is just—" Roman stimmed, squeezed and opened his hand a few times, "—very nice to see."

Logan cleared his throat. "I, uh, don't do as well, mentally, with small spaces, so I tend to be much more…"

"Cuddly?" Patton supplied.

"Well, that's certainly one way to put it, but yes, I do become more open to physical contact, and well, declarations of love. Both during and after."

The lights flicked back on, making everyone blink at the sudden brightness.

"Woo!" Patton cheered. "Powers back!"

Logan all but slumped into Patton, resting his head on Patton's shoulder. "That is… optimal."

Patton ran his fingers through Logan's hair and Janus couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to be on either end of it — to have Patton play with his hair, and to push back Logan's soft fluffy locks.

"So…" Virgil winced slightly when everyone looked at him. "We're supposed to be meeting back in the breakroom… and we don't want everyone worrying… so we should probably be going, um, soon, or whatever."

"Ah, yes. Thank you, Virgil." Logan pulled away from Patton but still held his hand. "We should head back, and construct a plan before Patton, Remus, and I investigate this paranormal… thing any further."

"Alrighty…" Virgil cleared his throat. "Uh, skoden."

-

The group walked into the breakroom, making Remus and the three Sanders look up from where they had just finished packing up Monopoly.

Virgil cleared his throat. "Hey, everyone."

"Heya!" Patton exclaimed. "We're back, and only slightly worse for wear."

"Hey! If it isn't all my favourite people…" Remus' eyes glinted mischievously. "Oh hey, and Roman's there too."

"Hey!"

"Um," Thomas raised his hand. "Excuse me, wasn't there less of you when you left? Where'd you find so many people?"

"Oh, that's right, I don't think everyone quite knows everyone yet."

"Ah, Patton's correct." Logan adjusted his tie. "We should introduce ourselves to avoid any further confusion."

"I'll start! I'm Roman, I work here, along with Virgil, and Remus is my brother… unfortunately," Roman teased.

"I think you mean unfortunately you're my brother. Anyway, 'm Remus. Logan and Patton are my partners, and I used to be roomies with Virgil and J, now I just come over to annoy them."

Janus sighed. "Well, I suppose I'll go next. I'm… Janus, and tragically I'm friends with Virgil and Remus."

"My name is Logan Croft, Remus and Patton are my partners."

"Hey, everybody! I'm Emile, Pat's brother! And this is my quip, Remy."

"Yep! And this is our son Thomas."

Thomas shyly waved.

"...Quip?" Virgil asked.

"It's what we call queerplatonic partner," Remy said. "Quip for short. Don't worry about it, babe."

"Oh, cool."

"Oh, hey," Patton snapped once. "I didn't get a chance before, but hi, Anxiety!"

"Heya, Pat."

"What?" Roman exclaimed. "You know Virgil?"

"Oh, he's a regular customer at the bakery I work at. I didn't know his name was Virgil though."

Janus raised an eyebrow. "Anxiety? Really? Bit on the nose," he snarked.

"Sh— shut up. You're telling me that you haven't ever seen a very attractive man, who then asked what your name was, so you panicked and said a random word that describes you instead? Well, I mean obviously not but—"

"He did like, exactly that!"

"Roman! Don't assume," Patton gently chided.

"Well, he did say he went by Deceit after seeing you soo…" Roman dropped his voice to a mumble, "Plus you are very attractive so Virgil certainly did get that part right."

"...Huh?"

Remy snorted. "Alright, that's our cue. The storms basically passed anyway. Let's go, Thomas." Remy started to lead Thomas to the door, Emile taking Thomas' other hand.

"Oh, okay." Thomas looked considerate for a moment. "Is it 'cause they're gonna kiss now?"

"...Uh, because it's way past your bedtime… yeah.

"That wasn't a no," Thomas observed.

"Anyway! Goodbye, everyone."

As soon as the door shut behind the family, Virgil burst out laughing. "Oh my God. Jan did it too. I can't!"

Janus' human cheek flushed a bit. "You did it first."

"Yeah, but still. O-M-G. You always act so suave but you're just as much of a mess as we are."

"Well, at least I didn't get stuck in a closet with a very pretty man and need someone to come rescue me."

"Hey!" Roman exclaimed. "Oh, wait, sorry. I thought you were talking about me. I may not have been trapped with a pretty man but I was rescued by two att—" he cleared his throat. "A— anyway."

"...What is going on?" Logan asked.

Patton shook his head. "I have like… only half a clue. Some people think some other people are attractive? Or something. I think. I'm not sure though. It's really confusing."

"It's not my fault everyone here is so pretty," Virgil grumbled.

"Yeah! I mean—" Roman flushed, "Well, yeah."

"Ah, I believe I understand now. We're all," Logan held up a flashcard, " 'Gay AF', and find each other," he held up another one, " 'Totes adorb y'all'… Did I use those correctly?"

"Aww, good try, honey!"

"Yeah." Virgil raised an eyebrow. "People don't really use 'totes adorb'... but oh my god, you're such a dork."

"Ah, so I've been told. Remus is also quite fond of… more vulgar compliments."

"Tell me about it," Virgil and Roman said in unison.

Virgil snorted. "All together now. Anyway, I meant 'dork' in the more colloquial way."

" 'A contemptible, socially inept person'?"

"What? No! Dork like… like…" Virgil sighed heavily. "Why is this so hard! I hate words."

"Dork like a form of endearment?" Roman asked.

"Yeah! Exactly. I didn't mean it in a mean way, I promise."

"It's alright, Virgil. Remus calls me a dork quite often too. Although he uses the more vulgar description, so I was confused when you said that wasn't the way you meant it. I took that to mean you meant it in an unkind way. I apologize for my incorrect assumption. Nothing about your language or behaviour thus far would indicate that you would say anything unkind like that on purpose."

"O— oh. Uh, yeah. And, uh, you're good, man. Don't worry about it."

"Aww, look at y'all!" Patton gushed. "Good communication is important and y'all are crushin' it!"

Virgil flushed and, trying to change the subject, said, "Shouldn't… Shouldn't we sit down?"

"Oh, yeah! That's a good idea." Patton grabbed Logan's hand and sat down, pulling Logan to sit on his lap, earning a small sound of surprise.

Roman sat down on the couch, Janus sitting to his left next to Patton and Logan, and Virgil to his right.

"Okay so…" Virgil curled in slightly when everyone looked at him. "Who's gonna break the ice?"

Logan frowned. "Ice? What ice?"

"Figuratively, Lo." Virgil hunched his shoulders even more. "It's a figure of speech."

"Ah, like addressing the figurative," —Logan pulled out a flashcard— " 'Elephant in the room'?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"...So what's the metaphorical ice?"

"The," Roman glanced around nervously, "the, um, tension…?"

"The… right. The… tension." Virgil breathed deeply. "Um…"  

Janus sighed. "Fine, I guess I'll be the one to say it. And of course, I should preface this by, um, by saying no one has t— to… to, oh gods, why is this so hard. Okay… right." Janus took a deep breath. "I just… I'll just come out and say it then. I have romantic feelings for a— all of you. And I know I just met Logan and Patton, but uh, it um… and one has to say anything back, of course. I'm just… just getting it out there."

"Oh, thank fuck." Virgil flushed slightly. "Er, I mean, I'm— it, um… I thought I was the only one. I've kinda, uh, been like… crushin' on Pat, Jan, and Roman for a bit now. And having spent this evening with Logan, it— yeah."

"You have a crush on me too?!" Roman exclaimed. "What!"

"Mm, yeah." Virgil's face warmed. "Y'all are very, um, attractive and like, not just physically, that very much too, of course, but also like, emotionally? Like you're just… hurgh, words are hard."

"Mm, I know what you mean, though," Roman assured.

Patton looked at Logan as if they were having a silent conversation, before nodding.

"Patton and I also are romantically interested in all of you, and I can see how it could certainly, and easily, turn into, um, something more."

"Yeah! Y'all are just so charming…" Patton smiled fondly. "Oh, hey, you know what, we should go out somewhere together soon!"

Logan pulled out his phone and started typing on it.

"Yes!" Roman agreed. "We could have a picnic in Primrose Park."

"Mm, yes, we should." Logan adjusted his glasses. "I'll create a group chat and text everyone's number in it so you can have each other's numbers. I doubt all of us have our schedule on us at the moment, so we can discuss the time and details in the group chat at a later date."

"Wait, text us?" Virgil frowned. "How do you have our numbers?"

"Remus has them, and sent them per my request just now… ah, here's the list." Everyone's phones —except Roman's, as he had left it at home— chimed discordantly. "Alright, it's sent."

"Aww, thanks, Lo. You think of everything!"

"Oh, yes, um, of course. You're welcome."

Patton cleared his throat. "...If it's okay I'ma return to a previous subject, because people were saying how cool everyone else was and I didn't get the opportunity to compliment y'all properly yet! And y'all really should be complimented because like, all of you are just so kind, and handsome, and the way some of you show your affection is… kinda odd, but sweet in its own way! And y'all are charming, I know I said that one earlier but like, it's certainly true, and…"

"It just keeps going by the way," Virgil informed. "Like, he just has unlimited compliments."

Roman's eyes sparkled. "Unlimited, huh? I bet I could outdo you!"

"I kinda doubt that, Princey. I have tried multiple times and still haven't won. Of course, it's a compliment game, so it's kinda a win-win situation but anyway."

"...I still think I could."

Virgil scoffed. "Nuh-huh."

"Yuh-huh."

"First of all, you stole that from me, second of all… nuh-huh!"

"Oh my goodness, kiddos."

They heard a loud screech and looked over to the table and chairs to see Remus crawling out from underneath the table.

"Oh, uh, hi, guys." He pushed the now half out chair even farther, resulting in another loud screech, before crawling the rest of the way out, and standing up. "Um, so, not that this isn't sweet… but I'ma head out. So like, have fun, y'all, and use protection, Ro-bro. Also, you're welcome for the numbers, Lo-Lo."

Logan blinked in surprise. "I— yes, thank you, dear."

"Oh, I forgot you were he— Wait, how long have you been here?" Roman asked, thoroughly miffed.

"Eh, just like… the whole time."

"What?!"

"Yeah, I can be really quiet… well, when I want to anyway. Y'all didn't even notice that when the Sanders left, I slipt under the table."

"Oh my god. You bastard," Virgil fondly said.

"Anygay, thought I'd make sure all y'all know that I fully and wholeheartedly support this, and… oh, yeah, leave before y'all got to the gross kissing or whatever."

"You…" Roman sighed. "Honestly nothing you say or do should surprise me at this point… and yet…"

Janus huffed. "Mood."

"Right!" Remus exclaimed. "I surprise myself all the time."

"Fuck off," Virgil light-heartedly rolled his eyes. "I bet you do."

Remus flipped Virgil off. "Fuck off? I am right now. Tootles!"

"Remus! Virgil!" Patton light-heartedly scolded them before waving. "Bye, Re! See you at the house later!"

"Goodbye, Starlight." Logan gave a small wave.

"Bye, Nerd. Bye, Janny!"

Janus shook his head softly. "Bye-bye, Bitch."

"Dee! Not you too."

"We can't help it!" Virgil pouted. "That's just how we show affection."

Patton was about to quip back when Remus' voice came through the only just shut door, "Oh, yeah, they're all in there. Looked like they were about to kiss each other's faces off though. I ain't responsible for whatever is permanently burned into your retinas 'cause of them. Have fun!"

A voice snorted. "Alrighty then. Thanks for the info."

The door swung open to reveal a man who looked like the embodiment of October; from his short-sleeved button-up with Halloween print, and black jeans with holes at the knees, to his black lace-up boots, and pumpkin spice latte.

"Ah, there y'all are," The man said.

"October? Didn't know you were still here."

"...Yep. Just been… around."

"Around? What the hell are you talking ab—"

"Anyway, have y'all figured your shit out yet?"

"Figured out what, exactly?" Logan asked.

"Damn, I guess not."

"Wait… no." Virgil frowned. "I mean, you wouldn't… Would you?"

October smiled rather fakely. "Would I do what?"

"Oh my fuck. You bastard!"

"I think you mean 'thank you'."

"No, I think I mean 'fuck you'." 

Patton sighed, only mildly exasperated. "Virg—"

"I don't think it's me you want to fu—"

"Oh my god, Toby."

"Oh, is that how we're playing it. Fair enough… Virgilius."

"What!" Roman gasped. "Your name is Virgilius!"

"No! It's not! My name is Virgil. Toby's just being a dick."

"May… may I ask what in Jupiter's 53 named moons is going on?" 

"Well, let's just say…" October took a sip of his drink. "How was the kissing closet?"

"The… how did yo— oh." Logan sighed. "You were the ghost?"

"Yep! I mean, what's the point of being rich and having a haunted mansion if you don't also have a cool-ass ghost costume?"

Roman snorted. "Oh my gods, this is amazing, er, I mean, oh no. That's so rude…"

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Princey."

"Hmm, if you've been wearing a ghost costume," Logan adjusted his glasses, "Have you noticed any paranormal activity then?"

"Nope! And I know everything that goes on around here."

"Ah, well, my partners and I… investigate this kind of thing."

October laughed. "Well, I'm afraid the only ghost you're gonna find around here is Virgil before he puts on his bronzer."

"Hey!"

"Mm, alright, well, thank you for your time, and apologies for the inconvenience."

"Nah, you're good. I had fun helping with…" October gestured to everyone, "All this anyway."

"This?" Patton asked. "Oh! You were trying to get us all together?"

"Yep! And it looks like it worked."

"Well, while I don't approve of your method, the thought and end goal were nice, so thank you!"

"Pat, don't encourage him!" Virgil all but whined.

"No, no. Please encourage me."

The clock on the wall chimed loudly, startling them all.

"...Nine… ten… eleven," Virgil counted with each chime. "Holy shit, it's already eleven. I don't know about y'all, but I become a grumpy old man after midnight."

"Well, we'll just have to make sure you get home in time then, Cinderella," Roman teased.

"Oh, har, har." Virgil rolled his eyes. "Oh, hey, Jan? Before I forget, I meant to tell you that I'll meet you back at our place. I gotta drive Princey home."

"That's fine. Just try not to get distracted and get back at four in the morning again."

"No promises!"

"Now, now. I don't know about catching a ride with you," Roman teased. "I mean, is your car gonna turn into a pumpkin if we're out too late?"

"Oh my god, you are so lovable."

"I— I think incorrigible."

"Nope! I said what I meant."

"Oh!" Roman flushed. "Well, you are too."

Patton all but squealed. "Awww, y'all are so cute!"

"Mm, they quite are," Logan agreed.

"Y'all are like, actual saps. You know that?" October chuckled. 

Patton sighed. "Oh no…"

"What?" Janus asked.

"I bet Remus took the car."

"Oh… well, I can give you and Logan a lift home."

"Ah, thank you, Janus," Logan said. "That would be much appreciated."

"Speaking of cars and leaving, I'll let you love birds get home…" October paused. "And I should be going too. I have plans with Gus tomorrow."

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "Oh, worm? Tell August I said hi."

"Will do!"

…

They all made their way outside, October locking up behind them and leaving with one last goodbye.

"Oh, I'm gonna miss y'all so much!" Patton whined.

"Yeah," Roman said sadly. "I will too. But! We can all get together soon!"

"Exactly. We can—" Logan pulled out a flashcard, "—'Hash' it all out tomorrow."

Janus snorted. "Yes, we can…"

"And yep, just as I suspected," Patton commented. "Remus took the car."

"Well, that's alright. As I said before, you two can ride with me. It's this one."

"A yellow sports car! How cool!"

Roman sighed loudly. "As much as I hate to part, I'm rather convinced Virgil will actually melt into a puddle if we don't leave soon."

"Hey!"

"So, goodbye!" Roman exclaimed.

"Bye, everybody!" Patton waved. "It was great to meet you."

Virgil smiled. "Yeah, it really was."

"Safe travels. And despite the…" Logan paused.

"Phantom menace?"

"You've already used that one, Virgil, but yes. Despite that, this was fun. I look forward to seeing everyone again."

It was quite obvious none of them wanted to say goodbye, everyone hesitating to get in their respective cars, but it was late, and so they did anyway. 

Plus, there was always later, for they had the rest of their lives to spend together. And spend the rest of their lives together they would. 

But that's a story... for another time.

~The End~ 

No reposting, likes are nice and reblogs are very much appreciated! | Taglist (ask to be added or removed): @someoneiwasnt

[collapsingintojupiter]

Writing Masterlist

If anybody’s looking for any of my writing, this is where to find it. Have fun.

Sanders Sides. 

High Heels - feral Janus and platonic Loceit

At Least I’ve Got You - drunk Prinxiety idiots

How to Babysit a Vampire - teen!Roman babysits kid!Virgil.

A Side Named Love - the name’s pretty self-explanatory

It Was A Dark And Stormy Night - Logince

Go To Bed, Nerd - fluffy Logince

Birthday Party - Intrulogical, Logince, and a little Moxiety

Don’t Touch Patton - referenced Analogical, platonic Moxiety; Remus attempts murder (it’s all comedy though)

My Prince, My Knight - really angsty Logince

Cold Stars Warm Hearts - fluffy analogical

They Said It Was Called Love - fluffy analogical again

A Thousand Years - really angsty Prinxiety

Philosophy And Hot Chocolate - Braincell debate

No Really - Don’t Touch Patton - protective Logicality

It Can Wait - fluffy Logince

I Said I Loved You - angsty Anxceit

A Broken Throne - angsty Creativititwins

An Analogical Christmas - self-explanatory

How I Met Them - Patton POV with the full DLAMP gang; may become a multific in the future.

Little Things - fluffy Royality

Logan Take The Wheel - Logicality with a sick Patton and Creativititwin children

Can’t Be Whole When You’re Split - more Creativititwin angst

Another Day - Remus and Janus kidnapping attempt gone wrong

Sunday Morning - domestic Analogicality (Virgil x Logan x Patton)

“You’ll Always Be My Hero.” - fluffy Royality

I’ll Hold You - hurt/comfort Prinxiety

Sea Urchin - Analogical aquarium date

I Thought We Were Enemies - Analogical enemies-to-lovers powers AU with villain Remus and Royality parents. Also platonic Sleepxiety, and kid!Emile. About 21K words.

And lastly, my multi-chapter fic: Sunshine And Storm Clouds.

The latest chapter is also available on Tumblr here

Wings Of Fire.

Of Sand And Desert Sun

100K fic with my own WoF ocs that takes place after the War of the Sandwing Succession. Not fully uploaded to Ao3 yet.

Destiny.

A Titan’s Perspective - the Red War from the POV of a Titan with a crush on Cayde.

“Brother” - short little Ghost/Guardian fic.

I’ll Dance With You - another short fic with me and my friend’s misfit fireteam.

And hopefully, the multi-chapter co-written fics An Artifact and a Problem and The Strangest Fireteam should soon be up. They’ll be on my ao3 with Sunshine and Storm Clouds and the others, so keep a lookout for that in the future.

[starcats1219]

Soulmate Alphabet

Yes, I finally did it

This is going to be the post for each individual fic, and then the masterlist will just have the link to them all

Will be updated as they're posted to ao3, so make sure to check the post out often!

×=romantic pairing

&=platonic pairing (no romance in the story at all)

A. Aging

Fandom:The Selection

Ship:America×Maxon

Words:828

Ao3:

B. Body Art

Fandom:Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ship:Zukka (Sokka×Zuko)

Words:1430

Ao3:

C. Colours

Fandom:The Umbrella Academy

Ship:Vanya×Sissy

Words:667

Ao3:https:

D. Damage

Fandom:Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ship: Zutara (Zuko×Katara)

Ao3:

E. Emotions

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship: Moceit (Patton×Janus)

Ao3:

F. Firsts

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Roceit (Janus×Roman)

Ao3:

G. Guardian

Fandom:Gravity Falls

Ship: Mermando & Mabel (Platonic)

Ao3:

H. Heartbeat

Fandom:Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ship: Kataang (Katara×Aang)

Ao3:

I. Identifier

Fandom:Gravity Falls

Ship:Dipper×Pacifica

Ao3:

J. Juxtaposition

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Logince (Logan×Roman)

Ao3:

K. Key and Lock

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Analogical (Virgil×Logan)

Words: 1327

Ao3:

L. Last Words

Fandom:The Umbrella Academy

Ship:Klaus×Dave

Words:604

Ao3:

M. Marks

Fandom:The Umbrella Academy

Ship:Diego×Eudora

Words:790

N. Nurse

Fandom:Riordanverse

Ship:Solangelo (Nico×Will)

Ao3:

O. Opportune Outfits

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Logicality (Logan×Patton)

Ao3:

P. Passion Flower

Fandom:Riordanverse

Ship:Frank×Hazel

Ao3:

Q. Quiz

Fandom:Riordanverse

Ship:Percabeth (Percy×Annabeth)

Ao3:

R. Red Strings

Fandom:Avatar:The Last Airbender

Ship:Mai×Zuko

Ao3:

S. Song Bird

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Princxiety (Virgil×Roman)

Words:996

Ao3:

T. Timers

Fandom:Sanders Sides

Ship:Intrulogical (Remus×Logan)

Ao3: Read Here!

U. Undying

Fandom:The Selection

Ship:America×Marlee

Ao3:

V. Veiled

Fandom:Avatar:The Last Airbender

Ship:Zuko & Toph (platonic)

Ao3:

W. Writers Pick

Fandom:Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ship:Mai×Ty Lee

Letter: S. Songbird

Ao3:

X. Friend Picks

Fandom:Avatar:The Last Airbender

Ship:Sokka×Yue

Letter: F. Firsts

Ao3:

Y. Yellow Mellow

Fandom:Gravity Falls

Ship:Dipper & Mabel (COMPLETELY PLATONIC AND SIBLING-Y)

Ao3:

Z. Zzz...

Fandom:Cartoon Therapy/Sanders Shorts

Ship:Remile (Remy×Emile)

Words:630

Ao3:

[aidensm8]

Do you have fav Virgil and/or Patton ships too?Or don't like them at all?

I enjoy some good moxiety, dukexiety, and (Patton x Emile) ships on the romantic side. As for platonic ships, I enjoy protective Virgil prinxiety

I am open do to every ship (except r/mr/m because that one goes against my morals, sorry)

[ts-cryptid-au]

PINNED POST!

⚠️ Attention! This post is under construction and will be constantly edited until it is complete. Thank you for understanding! ⚠️

Welcome to my Sanders Sides Cryptid AU! I appreciate you being here! This post will contain links to posts about each character, as well as random information to know about this world and FAQ.

You can submit asks and posts to this blog, and it is highly encouraged, in fact! Feel free to message this blog too. You may also ask for tags to be added to a post, and can do so through asks, messages, or whatever you find easiest!

Table Of Contents (Under Keep Reading)

About

Characters

Hashtags

Character Blogs

Rules And Warnings

Important Posts

((Trying to add a “Keep Reading” break on Tumblr mobile, IOS version. If anyone can help, please message me! Thanks so much, -OP <3))

ABOUT

[Filler line for future info-]

This AU contains the ships Prinxiety (Roman x Virgil), Intruceit (Remus x Janus), and Logicality (Logan x Patton). Remile (Remy x Emile) is NOT a ship in this AU, since Remy is aro-ace. If you don’t like these ships, feel free to block the tags for these ships, which will be listed below.

This AU originally started as a story I was going to write, and though I am still attempting to write it, I’m not as intent on finishing it. I’m now focusing more on sharing their overall story instead of providing a specific timeline for every event that ever happens. The characters below are listed in order of their appearances in my story.

CHARACTERS

Click on their names to be redirected to a post with their information!

Virgil “Anxiety” Graden

Janus “Deceit” Avi

Remy Foster

Remus Everett

Dr. Emile Picani

Roman Everett

Thomas Sanders

Logan Hill

Patton Smith

HASHTAGS

#ts-cryptid-au

#ts-cryptid-au pinned post

#ts-cryptid-au rules

#ts-cryptid-au guidelines

Character/Relationship Tags

#ts-cryptid-au pinned character post

#ts-cryptid-au profile

#ts-cryptid-au!virgil

#ts-cryptid-au!janus

#ts-cryptid-au!remus

#ts-cryptid-au!roman

#ts-cryptid-au!patton

#ts-cryptid-au!logan

#ts-cryptid-au!thomas

#ts-cryptid-au!remy

#ts-cryptid-au!emile

#ts-cryptid-au!prinxiety

#ts-cryptid-au!intruceit

#ts-cryptid-au!logicality

#ts-cryptid-au!platonic!remile

Timeline Tags

#ts-cryptid-au past!timeline

#ts-cryptid-au present!timeline

#ts-cryptid-au future!timeline

TW/CW Tags, Tone Setter Tags, Etc.

#ts-cryptid-au story

#ts-cryptid-au ask

#ts-cryptid-au fact

#ts-cryptid-au headcanon

#ts-cryptid-au art

#ts-cryptid-au rant

#ts-cryptid-au au

#ts-cryptid-au angst

#ts-cryptid-au extra!angst

#ts-cryptid-au fluff

CHARACTER BLOGS

Virgil “Anxiety” Graden @an-anxious-bitch

Janus “Deceit” Avi @ssself-care-bitchesss

Remy Foster @coffeeeslutt

Remus Everett @the-intrusive-creativithot

Dr. Emile Picani @yourcartoonytherapist

Roman Everett @alexander-not-your-hamilson

Thomas Sanders @stayathomo24

Logan Hill @loganhill

Patton Smith @pattonthecatton

RULES AND WARNINGS

Do not interact if you are racist, sexist, LGBT+phobic, R3mR0m shipper, TERF, exclusionist, pedophile, or anyone along those lines. If you do, you will be immediately reported and blocked.

This blog will work on a 3-strikes-and-you’re-out basis. You get a warning each time you break a rule, unless otherwise stated. You have three warnings before I block you. I will list the people with warnings and how many they have at the bottom of this post.

This AU is not and will never be NSFW. Any asks/submissions featuring NSFW, as well as any posts based on my AU featuring NSFW, will earn you an immediate report, a warning from me, and a possible block if it’s bad enough.

If you send in an ask/submission and I do not respond to it, it is most likely because I haven’t seen it. Don’t spam my inbox with more asks, as this will earn you a warning from me. If I decide not to respond to your ask/submission, I will message you to let you know.

As its own rule, don’t spam me with asks or submissions. This will earn you a warning. Sending multiple asks is okay, just don’t repeat the same asks again and again and again. However, spam liking is perfectly okay, and I even appreciate it.

Do not hate on any aspect of this AU. This will earn you a warning and a possible report. If you don’t agree with one or more of the ships in this AU, block the tag about that ship. If you don’t agree with something else, please unfollow. I will not change the AU to make you happy.

If I get something factually incorrect, please nicely correct me in the replies or in a DM. Do not be rude, as that will earn you a warning.

IMPORTANT POSTS

AU Dictionary/Definitions

———

Warning and Block List:

N/A yet

[me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink]

Okay, but... calm, eloquent, and good with feelings Emile Picani stuttering and getting really red and nervous around boys he likes and not knowing how to deal with his own crushes. This may or may not be about my au. Emile is one very confused boy, but I've decided on eventual remile, platonic remus x emile, current/kind of awkward relationship/short fluffy relationship before they realize it isn't working patton x emile (idk the ship name) - 🐦

*stares very intensely* have I ever mentioned how much I love the way you think? Because I love the way you think

[pu-stories]

My Son, My Miracle

This is based on the Single Dad AU for Logan from Sander Sides. I loved this AU and am quarantined to my house so I made one. I have no chapters, but here are the basics of my version for the AU. I hope you enjoy! [Basics are summary, character description, ships, and a few notes.]

Original AU made by @sugarglider9603, I love this lesbian and all her work!

Summary-

Logan Berry, by a friend's trickery, visits an orphanage to volunteer for a day. Becoming attached to a small quiet boy, he decided to adopt. His new small child brings more and more colorful miracles into his life right after.

Read this heartwarming story of Logan Berry and his son Virgil. 

Characters-

Main-

Logan Berry-

A single man who works for a large business. He works catalog keeping everything in perfect condition, some would even tell you he keeps the business running. He has a humble apartment, more than enough money, and has very little in his personal life other than baking before the little ‘storm’ hit him.

Virgil Berry-

A socially awkward kid with high anxiety, coming from a bad home he is untrusting and jumpy. Spending his time with a nose in a book he seems to be oblivious to the world outside of stories and week, all untrue facts of course. With his mental hurdles, he tries to fit in after finding his family who loves him, flaws and all.

Supporting Love Interest-

Patton Heart-

A teacher who works at the library on Saturday, everyone loves their ‘dad friend’. Impossible to hate Patton teaches young kids and has his own. Although adopted, Patton couldn’t love Dolton more. A new kid recently joined his class and the parent definitely caught his eye.

Roman Vasil-

A kid from a higher-end status Roman has more proper manners but is the second most childish kid you’ve ever met. Taking on a persona of his favorite characters from movies and shows Roman sparkles just about anywhere in his happy-go-lucky attitude.

Secondary Cast-

Remus Vasil-

Roman’s twin and partner in crime, Remus takes the spot as the most childish kid. Although sharing quite the same interest, Remus has taken a more chaotic and morbid sense of humor. With his own villain-prince like persona Remus causes chaos everywhere making his own entertainment for all to enjoy.

Dolton Heart-

Adopted from the same orphanage as Virgil a year earlier, Dolton is long-lost buddies with him. Adding Virgil to his own friend group consisting of him and the chaotic twins we have our storm letting sunshine peek through the black clouds showing his own devious and sassy side.

Remy Neiro-

Married to the ‘most wonderful man’ in his eyes Remy is happy with life. Although suffering from insomnia Emile keeps him on his toes and alive while he makes his way through life. Remy works from home for a bakery, baking goods, creating recipes, keeping track of sales, and managing a small-time business. One of his college friends, Logan often helps create said pastries and recipes, much to his delight.

Emile Neiro-

With his wonderful husband in all his baking glory, Emile keeps a steady income from a therapy center. Bring sweets, all patients love him as much as he loves them. Often hanging out with his high school friends and husband, Emile keeps up with his happy life and wouldn’t change a thing.

Other(Oc)-

None so far.

Ships-

Logicality (Logan x Patton)

Prinxiety (Roman x Virgil) [Platonic for now]

Receit (Remus x Deceit)

Remile (Remy x Emile)

Notes-

Deceit’s name and why I chose it-

Deceit’s name will be Dolton. I used the Sander Sides Wiki and found the name theory for our devious serpent and found the idea that his name will be derived from the Greek name Dolion, meaning "to lure, to deceive, to use deceit". In addition, it keeps the chain -that Virgil and Remus broke- of names ending in ‘on’ and ‘an’. Although it could be a dark-side theme of not having it, Deceit's name will be Dolton until his official name is revealed, then it may change. 

Creative Twins last name-

Remus and Roman’s last name Vasil comes from ‘vasilikós’. Vasilikós is the greek word for royal, for nothing could fit more to the Prince and Duke duo. Pronunciation is easy, va is pronounced like the beginning of vapor, sil is like the beginning of silly.

Remile last name-

Neiro is from óneiro, the Greek word for dream. With the bubbly character and the embodiment of insomnia, I felt the word dream fit nicely for their last name. Neiro is pronounced near-o.

Sorry for the mass amount of information!. Thank you for reading I hope you enjoy the future story!

-Pheonix

[galactic-magick]

Fanfic Request Guidelines (Short List)

REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY CLOSED UNTIL I FINISH THE ONES I HAVE!

Here is a short list of ships and characters I’m currently accepting requests for. This list will change based on what I’m into and currently inspired to write. My full list of things I write you can find here.

Disclaimers and General Rules: I do NOT write smut or NSFW stuff, sorry. (I don’t mind slightly suggestive stuff I just can’t write any of the actual act if that makes sense) I also don’t write poly stuff, I don’t have anything against it I’m just not great at writing that dynamic.

I CAN write F/M, F/F, M/M, Gender-Neutral, Platonic, and Asexual fics!

What I’m Currently Inspired to Write:

Sanders Sides: Lately I’ve been into Sanders Sides especially with the new video, so requests are open for Patton, Logan, Virgil, Roman, Janus, and Remus x Readers. Also Emile Picani and Remy! All fics will use gender-neutral pronouns unless otherwise specified.

Happy requesting!

[scarlett-queen]

Sanders sides ships I ship

1 Moxiety (I love it both romantically and platonically just as long as their are both happy)

2 Remile (If you don't count that as a true ship I'm sorry but I can't help myself)

3 Royality (It's cute but very underrated)

4 Demus (Do I need to explain)

5 LAMP (Again do I need to explain)

6 Logicality (I just love the idea of Patton helping Logan understand feelings of love)

(And I might have a sotf spot for Patton ships)

7 Intrulogical (I find this ship hilarious and enjoyable)

8 Patmile(Just two soft boys)

9 Logince (A slightly weirder version of Tamaki and Kyoya from OHSHC)

10 Loceit ( I'm curious to think how it would work out)

Ships that I would like to have better understanding of

(A lot of these are going to be Virgil ships because I really only ship him in Moxiety and LAMP

1 Prinxiety( Hate me all you want but I never really got attached to this ship probably because most of the stuff surrounding the ship is angst apparently)

2 Analogical ( I do find this pairing interesting but in a platonic way)

(I'm going using their actual names because I'm tried of trying to remember how to spell ship names)

3. Janus x Patton( I also find this better platonically)

4.Remus x Patton ( I don't understand this but I would love to learn more about it so if you ship this can you recommend any fanfiction. I do prefer fluff overall)

5 Any other ship besides Remile for Remy

6 Any other ship besides Remile or Patmile for Emile

7 Roman x Janus ( I would love to learn more)

Ships that I don't ship and I don't want to ship

1 Janus x Virgil (it seems toxic and being Person who was in a toxic relationship it just doesn't feel right for me to ship it)

2 RemRom(NO)

[shippostsandshitposts]

You Thought Parenting Couldn’t Get Worse (Sanders Sides Superhero!AU) - 1

based on this post (thanks @marvelfangeek09​ )

A/N: Y’all this is my first Sanders Sides fic...I’m really excited. I kinda don’t feel like explaining the AU, and op explained it so much better than I could, so just check out the post to get all of the info. Just to explain some personal things, all the Sides are siblings, and they all have different ages. Deceit’s the oldest, he’s Dorian in this AU, at 17, then Logan at 15, Roman and Remus at 14, Virgil at 12, and Patton at 9. At some point I’ll give them superhero names (because I’m really excited to give them cool nicknames). This is only chapter one, so Emile doesn’t know the kids have powers yet, but we’ll get there soon enough.

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit/Remus, swearing

Ships: Platonic/Sibling!DLAMPR, eventual Picani x Remy

“Fuck.” “Dorian! What did I say about swearing around Patton?” Dorian slowly glanced at his uncle, and responded with, “That I’m not supposed to? Emile sighed. “Yes.” Dorian smirked. “Hey Pat, wanna learn something new?” “No!” “Yeah!” Patton sprinted into the room. “No!” Emile repeated, picking up Patton and taking him back to his room. Dorian chuckled before lying down on the couch and pulling out his phone.

“Why can’t Dorian teach me things?” “Because a lot of the stuff Dorian wants to teach you is teenager stuff that you’re not quite ready for.” “Aw, c’mon!” Patton complained. “I’m ready!” “You’re nine, Pat.” “So?” “Just let it go, kiddo.” Patton pouted, but sighed and placed himself down on his bed. Emile smiled in a small moment of “I successfully parented” and ruffled Patton’s hair before leaving, and closing the door behind him.

“Alright Virgie it’s time for bed.” Emile finally found Virgil hiding under the sink just under an hour later. Virgil frowned and curled back in on himself. “VIrgil, c’mon kiddo, let’s go.” Emile held his hand out. Virgil still shook his head. “Bud, it’s not gonna be comfortable sleeping under there, especially when you’ve got a perfectly good bed upstairs.” Virgil frowned, but crawled out. He blatantly ignored Emile’s attempt at a hug and walked past him with a quiet, “G’night.” Emile huffed. “C’mon, Virgil, really? Are you too cool for hugs now?” Virgil stopped before quickly turning around, squeezing his arms around Emile’s waist, and sprinting upstairs. “Better than nothing, I guess,” Emile murmured to himself.

“Dorian, get off the couch, you’re supposed to be asleep.” “Oh am I?” Dorian rolled his eyes and glanced at Emile. “See, I thought Logan and I were supposed to go to bed after Roman and Remus, both of whom are very much still awake.” “Shoot,” Emile groaned, hurrying off into the other room. “Boys, go to bed.” He paused for a second to take in the scene in front of him. Remus was standing on top of the piano, bent over so his back was arched and his fingers were on the piano keys. Roman was standing in front of the piano with his phone out, ready to film whatever stupid idea Remus had come up with. “Hey Uncle Emile,” Remus said with a beaming grin. “Look how flexible I am.” “I see that. Now go to bed.” “Aww, really?” Roman complained. “But this could get us enough followers to boost us to 3,000 followers on--” “I don’t care. It’s eleven o’clock, go to bed.” Remus groaned loudly, before wobbling in place. “I can’t get down.” “Logan, I’ve already had to yell at three of your siblings tonight, can you just go to bed? Please?” Logan silently stared at Emile, before nodding, closing his laptop, and headed off to his room. “Thank you Logan,” Emile said with a sigh of relief. “Can you make sure your siblings are in bed?” “No less than I always do,” he grumbled back with a cold tone. “Hey.” Logan turned around frustratedly, his glasses slipping. “Really. Thank you.” Logan cracked a small smile and continued upstairs.

“Pat, you asleep?” Patton sat up in bed to see Virgil standing in the doorway, illuminated by his nightlight. “Nope,” Patton replied, starting to free himself from the several blankets trapping him in bed. “No, no, stay there,” Virgil shook his head quickly. He climbed up onto Patton’s bed. “Wanna see something cool?” Patton nodded quietly. Virgil smiled and pointed to the wall. Patton looked to see his own form against the wall, waving gently to him. Patton cocked his head, and the shadow did too. “Virge, did you do that?” “Yeah. Figured it out yesterday.” Virgil chuckled. “You’re the first one I told. Don’t tell Uncle Emile. He’s got enough to worry about, he shouldn’t have to worry about my ‘magic shadow powers’.” “Okay,” Patton said with a smile. “That’s really cool.” “Thanks Pat. You should go to bed.” He hopped off the bed and rearranged the sheets to tuck Patton back in. “G’night Pat.” “Night Virgil.”

[spacegayparty]

I made a big ass thing for the sides /Thomas /remy/Emile in dyadic ships. Featuring fucking hot ship names!

(the ones in brackets are mentioned earlier /later so they are mentioned. I used them for navigation. You can see the ships in any way you want - please don't hate on how some people see/hc a ship only as romantic or familial, platonic, sexual etc. It's valid. Block some tags or people and don't start discourse.

If I missed any or you wanna add some, please feel free! It's just for fun and not all ship names are THAT great and I know it. Enjoy👌✨)

@did-he-just-hiss-at-me

Roman

Roman x Patton = Kingdom hearts / (cheesy) pick up lines 

Roman x Remus = (European) Royals / Little Ship of Horrors

Roman x Deceit = Your Honour 

Roman x Logan = Duet/ Doctor Who

(Virgil x Roman) 

(Roman x Remy) 

(Roman x Emile) 

Virgil 

Virgil x Patton = Pecan pie / Pet lovers /CATS 

Logan x virgil = space gays /conspiracy theory / Dark Matter 

Virgil x Remus = Raccoons

Virgil x deceit = Edgy royalty /Edgelords 

Virgil x Roman = twilight Princess

(Remy x virgil) 

(Emile x virgil)

Patton 

(Patton x Roman 

Patton x virgil 

Patton x Logan

Patton x Emile 

Patton x Remy) 

Patton x remus = licorice ice cream /Beauty and the Beast 

Patton x deceit = white lies / morally grey

Logan

Logan x deceit = Angry professors/ logical fallacy

Patton x Logan = Kindergarten teachers

Logan x remus = morbid curiosity /Autopsy /mind fuck

(Virgil x Logan) 

(Roman x Logan) 

(Logan x Emile) 

(Logan x Remy) 

Remus 

(Remus x Roman 

Remus x Logan 

Remus x Patton 

Remus x emile

Remus x Remy 

Remus x virgil 

Remus x Logan)

Deceit 

(X patton 

X Roman 

X Logan 

X remus 

X virgil 

X remy

X Emile) 

Remy

Remy x Patton = Romantic comedy 

Remy x deceit = Temporary bliss /One night stand 

Remy x Emile = Sleep therapy 

Remy x virgil = Bitch fight 

Remy x remus = vodka sour

Remy x Logan = sleepless conspiracies /Sleep-teaching (hypnopaedia) 

Remy x Roman = sleeping beauty 

Emile

Emile x Patton = wholesome dads/ Pun session 

Emile x remus = Psychopathology 

Emile x Logan = Quantitative research / Psychology today 

Emile x Roman = Insecurities 

Emile x virgil = Cognitive Behavioural Therapy 

Emile x deceit = Pathological liar 

(Emile x Remy) 

Thomas 

X deceit = Blind Spot /Repression 

X remus = Horror films

X virgil = Emo Phase /Vampire dumbass

X Roman = Rainbow Knight /Gay Disney Prince /Heat Wave 

X Remy = VSCO dude /sksksk/ Insomnia 

X Patton = Nostalgia 

X Logan = Mr. Sanders 

X Emile = Cartoon enthusiasts