#plain ol badassery

[saintsylestine]

Star Phantoms by moglion

[aclevername8]

Mallet-Marie (Mallarie) of the Lost Time AU

Just like her parents of Ratchet and Rivet, when it comes to anything adventure, danger, or just plain ol’ fun, Mallet-Marie is always sure to be found right in the center of it.

She was first going to be named ‘Mallet’ as Ratchet and Rivet loved the idea of giving her a tool name just as they themselves have, but Kaden shot it down because "I just want you to give my grandchild a somewhat normal name. Please." So, they compromised, and gave her a ‘normal’ name on top of Mallet: Marie, named after Ratchet’s late mother, and coincidentally inheriting her eyes as well. Needless to say, Kaden was very happy with this decision.

However, it only took a few months before everyone started combining her two names for the sake of brevity, now simply calling her ‘Mallarie’ for short. The only time she’s really called by her full name now is when she’s in hot water—which is a pretty frequent occurrence.

She inherited almost all of Ratchet and Rivet’s recklessness and thirst for adventure and mischief, which everyone says is karma for the hell they both raised when they themselves were younger. But, despite how difficult it is to raise a child who can very well compete against her intergalactic heroic parents in recklessness, Ratchet and Rivet can’t deny that they occasionally love to indulge in her bad ideas, and have loads of fun doing it too.

She inadvertently brought her little brother, Miter-Mags, into this world when she was four and 'popped mommy and daddy's funny white balloons they kept in their drawer' as a prank, but thankfully, he was a very welcome addition into the family, Mallarie thinking no different to that sentiment--and of course never failing to hold it over his head that he wouldn't exist if it wasn't for her.

However, it is a personal mission of Mallarie’s to try and ‘de-nerdify’ her little brother; always dragging him along on her constant adventures to try and instill some excitement and ‘badassery’ into him. And while they both bicker and argue all the time like most siblings do, it’s no secret that they both immensely care and love each other, no matter how often they call each other insulting names like ‘nerdy-ass baby bro who needs to learn to stop being a pussy every once in a while’.

Eventually, she ran into another Lombax by the name of Jett after getting arrested and put in a holding cell for the umpteenth time by her Grandma Wells, and upon hearing his plight of wanting to learn how to have a good time after a life being raised by strict parents, Mallarie was more than willing to help him learn a thing or two about having fun.

Soon enough, though, after getting to know each other a lot more along with the fact that Jett felt more welcome in Mallarie's family than his own, it was inevitable that they would eventually hook up (even if Wells wasn't exactly enthused on the idea of her little Malley dating such a delinquent).

Later on, though, when Mallarie's brother and his girlfriend accidentally got pregnant, she and Jett decided to sit down and talk about what they expect to do with their lives if they themselves had an 'accident' like Miter did, and it was in that moment that they decided to straighten themselves out in order to secure a stable future for themselves.

Part of that included Mallarie enlisting in the Lombax City Guard--much to Wells' dumbfounded surprise--and after years of hard work, replacing her grandma as the Chief of the City Guard. In the meantime, Jett elected to be a stay-at-home husband in order to ensure that they would always be there and be the best parent he never got for their twin girls: Allie and Rose, named after Mallarie's grandma, and Rivet's real given name of Rosie.

(All art by @wolfcha1k, except for the second pic, which is by Naiacreations on Twitter)

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “who we are”. Part two)

(Jay’s about to leave with Matty but Carlos pulls him aside)

Carlos: good morning

Jay (smirking): good morning

(They almost kiss but Matty distracts them)

Matty (disgusted): BLEAURGH

Ben (sensing trouble): do we have a problem here?

Matty: they’re both so old

Carlos (offended): I’m only eight years older then you, you little twerp

Matty: Still

Mal: you know what! Doug. Doug can take you to your room. Could you please take him to his room Doug ol buddy ol pal of mine. Please?

Doug (thoroughly enjoying the verbal sparring match): sure. I have experience dealing with monetarily obsessed children. C’mon kid

(They leave. Ben turns to Mal)

Ben: that. was

Mal: exhausting

Ben: but worth it

Mal: ahem if you say so.

Ben: hey bud. The elderly need to have a talk. Do you mind taking an early lunch?

Carlos (knowing full well what Ben is planning on doing): So jay, is the brunch table still open

Jay: why yes. Yes it is

(The disappear in a puff of gold smoke)

Ben (offering Mal his hand): c’mon. I wanna show you something

Mal (taking his hand, intrigued): oh really

(Elsewhere)

Celia: So this is gonna be our room?

Dizzy: for tonight. Tomorrow we’ll be at mom and dads starter castle.

Celia: for how long?

Evie: the entire summer. But, but, if you prefer. Tiana and Naveen or mama Odie have rooms ready at their homes.

Celia: hmmmmm. How long is this summer?

Evie: ...twelve weeks. Three months

Celia: you’ll do. For now

(She smiles mischievously. Dizzy crows with delight and immediately starts showing her the amenities Auradon has to offer)

Celia: Dizz, Dizzy, Dizzy. It’s ok. I think I’m gonna like it here.

(This is when “I think I’m gonna like it here” happens. At the end of which Celia bumps into a pink clad figure)

Celia: hey watch it

Audrey: I am so sorry I heard you guys

Evie: eavesdropping? I thought you’d learned your lesson by now

Audrey (face set in a kind smile but scared stiff): the halls are echoey

Evie: sure(.) Celia, this is the kings ex girlfriend

Celia: you’re that bitch that insulted Evie when she first came here

Audrey (looking terrified): mhmm

Celia: So what do you do now you’re not gonna be queen anymore

Audrey: I am in summer school because I took an impromptu spa vacation last semester during term time

Celia: why?

Dizzy: Maleficent tried to kill her at the coronation

Celia: oh yeah. I watched that. So sad you lived

(Audrey looks at Evie silently asking for a defence. Evie smiles evily)

Evie: it was oh so very sad.

Audrey: m-moving ahem on. I am princess Audrey of Auroria. And I will be your dorm advisor next school year.

Celia: is that supposed to mean anything to me

Evie: basically she’s just your glorified unpaid babysitter. Who can’t control anything you do. But you are at liberty to annoy her. There’s nothing to petty to go to her with

Audrey: well I need to sleep but

Evie: Abigail Sweet never slept when we needed her for something

(Audrey looks like she’s trying to swallow a brick)

Celia: puce is a good colour on you

Audrey (running her fingers through her hair): it’s a really dark magenta actually

Celia: wavy talking about the hair

(In the distance two voices shriek then laugh)

Evie: So the twins have seen the statue then

Audrey: here is the menu for today’s dinner

Celia: ah man. No rabbit pie.

Evie: the bolognese is just tonight’s recommendation. There’s a full buffet. And if you can’t find what you want. You can always use magic to create it.

Celia: I really like it here

(At the brunch table)

Carlos: morning gran

Jay: you have two more grandsons

Belle: hello dears. And yes Gil told me about the twins. Where are they?

Jaylos: fencing arena

Belle: aw that’s nice. Gil and Lonnie spend so much time there. It’s good to keep healthy. Unlike me.

Carlos: uh gran? It’s 11 o’clock in the morning. And you don’t smoke

Belle: I am, how do say it? Oh yes. Psyching myself up.

Jay: it’s finally happening then?

Belle: yes

Carlos: bout time if you ask me.

Belle: where is Ben. I’d like to say goodbye before I leave

Carlos: where they first met

Belle (smiling knowingly): do please tell him where I’ve gone.

Jay: of course. Want me to teleport you to the court house?

Belle: no thank you dear. I’m taking a car. Gives me time to think.

Jay: I can drive.

Belle: thank you for offering. But they’ll want to see you after if it works.

Carlos: and if it doesn’t work. She might not be ready remember

Belle: then they’ll both need you.

Elsa: queen mother. The cars here.

Belle: thank you Elsa. Are you?

Elsa: no. My daughter is expecting me

Belle: word of advice. Never marry a man who lies about resurrecting a man who attacked the both of you back from the dead.

Elsa: wasn’t planning to.

(Belle leaves)

Elsa: now boys. I see chocolate croissants and salmon bagels that are yet to be eaten. I declare a competition. Who ever finishes this food first will get the royal Arendelle chocolate fountain for the summer. I’ll referee. Sound good?

Jay: Hell yeah.

(Back in the courtyard. Ben’s used his magic to create a eatery area with a full buffet table. And a projector and film reel)

Ben: So this is a

Mal: butter bar

Ben: a butter bar? Um

Mal: context?

Ben: yes please

Mal: I was bored. And hungry. You were in a budget meeting. And Evie was annoying me. So I got a stick of butter, dipped it in cinnamon, dipped it in chocolate, deep fried in churro batter, and put peanut sprinkles on top. Magic keeps everything from melting.

Ben: that sounds absolutely disgusting. And I must try it

Mal: go ahead

Ben: I might be a decent cook, but you’re a confectionery genius

Mal: why thank you. How did our niece get on with her first transfer session?

Ben: she was great. Everyone was so great. Except

Mal: yeah?

Ben: Celia asked why you weren’t there.

Mal: ah. What did you guys say?

Ben: Carlos took care of it.

Mal: he didn’t mention my therapy did he?

Ben: no. No he didn’t

Mal: oh thank goodness. Don’t worry. I’m not, ashamed, of getting help. But it’s just that

Ben: when people you’ve not seen for a while are prone to judgement it can be a little difficult to admit your foibles

Mal: yeah. So anyway all this is very very nice. But why. Oh boy. It’s not your birthday is it?

Ben: that was two months ago. You took me to dinner at Tony’s?

Mal: right. A Thursday. It’s not my birthday is it?

Ben: you’re a month older then me

Mal: I might need to change Friday night drinks from beer to orange juice

Ben: ahhh you’re fine.

Mal: well I am half human. Not exactly pure

Ben: neither of us are.

Mal: yeah. Yeah we aren’t. So anyway. What is all this for. You can’t have missed me that much. You were only gone for twelve hours

Ben: I always miss you. But no. This is the exact same spot where we first met. A year and a half ago today.

Mal: this isn’t an anniversary. Is it?

Ben: no

Mal: oh thank god for that. I’m so sorry. That sounded cruel

Ben: that’s ok. I kinda like it when you’re a little cruel.

Mal (cackling): yeah I know. So what is that for

(She points to the film projector)

Ben: ah yes! I learned a new spell

Mal: oh yeah?

Ben: memory and dream extraction.

Mal (intrigued): continue

Ben: my dreams. And memories. About us

Mal: is that why..? The whole eatery enclosure thing

Ben: mostly because I needed food. But yeah. The occasion provides privacy. Shall I press play.

Mal: go for it. Jesus. Is that what my hair looks like from the back? And who’s speaking?

Ben: you’re hair always looks nice. And that’s me. My inner monologue

Mal: ah. And do you still have that suit?

Ben: not anymore no. I don’t think it would fit.

Mal (chuckling fondly): do you ever miss your old hair?

Ben: I’ve got purple roots because of my magic. It makes me closer to you. Why would I miss my old hair.

Mal: you’re sweet. Ah fuck.

Ben: yeah my technique is rather crude. But we got together in the end

Mal: yes. Yes we did. I tried to avoid you for so long. Because I believed you deserved better then a villain

Ben: well I’ve always been somewhat attracted to the darkness and badassery

Mal: oh the badassery is all jay. The darkness is all me. But I’m working on it. Still remember our little conversations back then

Ben: of course

(He uses magic to activate a nearby stereo. Mal shrieks in delight. This is when “as lovers go” starts. After the song)

Mal: oh my god. Omigod omigod omigod

Ben: I love you. Would you like to be my queen

(Mal tackles him in a bear, or dragon, hug)

Mal: yes. Yes yes yes. To be honest I kinda knew you had this planned

Ben: oh really?

Mal: yeah. Evie’s not been able to look at me for a month without crying. Speaking of

(She gets off of and dissolves the faux eatery revealing their friends who’ve been waiting)

Mal: C. You’ve got an official father

Carlos: YEEEEEEEEES

(He bounds up and hugs them both)

Jay (jokingly): you know if you do anything to hurt

Ben: I’m sure my magic will get to me first Jay.

Doug (more warningly but still with a smile): same goes for you Mal

Mal: Roger

(She disentangles herself from the boys)

Mal: hey. Are we filming?

Evie: I think the approved press are still here. Or at least their cameras are.

Mal: Doug buddy. Could you start rolling

Doug: sure

Mal (turning to the camera, takes a deep breath): IM ENGAGED!!!! HAHAHAHA

Evie (aside to Doug): I dunno why but I kinda thought that’d be more regal

Jay and Lonnie: it’s Mal. What did you expect

(Once Doug shuts the camera off)

Audrey: ooh ooh ooh. You can borrow my shoes.

Mal: I have bigger feet then you pal. But thank you for offering.

Chad (running up and pushing between the two friends): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Don’t touch her! You’re not the queen. You’re a fugly hag of a witch. Audrey’s the rightful queen. Soon everyone will see and

(Mal gives Audrey a look, Audrey nods her head, Mal wafts chad away mid sentence in a puff of smoke)

Mal: drunk, stoned or just plain tired?

Audrey: probably all three

(Elsewhere)

Gil: where mama? She should be here

Squeaky: uncle Florrie does this make Mal our auntie now?

Ben: sure does buddy. Moms at the courthouse. It’s the first of June. Dad finally stopped dragging his feet

Gil: ohhh

(End of part two)

[archerwindsor]

Holiday Gift Guide 2020

Holiday gift guide

Strap in. It’s the holidays—and that means it’s time to get our shopping on! If you’re like most of us, we always seem to run out of time to get it all done. Did you just say, “A little help here?” We think you did. And we heard you loud and clear! Girl, this year, we’ve done all the – ahem — leg work for you with our quintessential holiday gift guide that has something for everyone on your list. And guess what, they’re almost all under $50 (Hey, we know everyone is all about the ‘peace and joy’ until their next credit card statement arrives). So, all that shopping stress? Relax. NBD.

Honestly, sometimes less expensive gifts are harder to find. I mean, we don’t want to be all scrooge-y with our friends – we’re just trying to stick to a budget and spread joy. So don’t even think about re-gifting elves on shelves, ugly sweaters or years-old fruitcake this year. Our LSF holiday gift guide includes all our faves in Fitness, Nutrition and Self Care. Your friends and family will love these gems — and because they are so awesome, no one will guess the (oh, so affordable) price tag! And that means we get to give you the gift of confidence!   

FITNESS Under $50

LSF Foam Roller

We’ve been flexing on our LSF 2-in-1 Foam Roller a lot lately, and for good reason! Foam rolling is one of the best ways to maximize workout efforts and reenergize your muscles. The marble design on our roller is kinda dreamy and its multi-zone outer and soft inner layers will def improve post-workout recovery time. When you can give a roller that’s this insanely cute and effective, I mean, c’mon. What elf can you ask for?

Shorts + Tank Workout Sets

OK, so cute. They’ll step into this two-piece bra and workout short set and be prepared for their best work out in 5-ever! The stylish padded bra is both comfy and supportive, and the shorts are super flattering for any shape. We love the stretchy material because it controls our tummy and lifts our booty while we sleigh it!

LSF Heart Hoodie

Cozy, soft, and super chic.  This must-give cropped hoody is so on-trend, they’ll look fabulously hip while trimming the tree or playing Reindeer Hat Horseshoe. Made from high-quality combed & ring-spun cotton and poly fleece, this neutral-colored crop hoodie is cut longer than most and so versatile! We promise it will look ah-mazing with anything they pair with it. Oh, and best of all, it features our LSF heart logo, so every time they wear it, they’ll be reminded how much you love them. Awe!

Pants + Longsleeve Workout Sets

Even though the weather has taken a less than balmy turn, we’re all still waking up to crush those early morning workouts. With this lightweight long-sleeved compression workout set, they can kiss Jack Frost buh-bye.  The material is breathable and comfy, and the fit is so fire. Let’s just say it hugs all the right places. Yasss! They’ll thank you with a high-five and a warm-yet-bewitching smile.  

Step up box

You know they’re on your list.  Those friends who claim they can’t get past the infamous fitness “plateau.” Well, you can really help them step up their workouts by giving them a fitness box they can add to their regime. Step up boxes will work every inch of their legs and build stability, strength, and coordination!  This one’s really sturdy (there’s like a lot of steel and wood holding this bad boy together) and features a rubber top, so it’s super stable and there’s no fear of slippage! With this added oomph to their workout, they’ll crank through to the next level of fitness in no time!

Posture Corrector 

Serious. We’re kind of obsessed with this gift because of the 10,000 hours every dang day we are hunched over our computers working (except when we’re working out, of course). After a while, our shoulders droop and we get all hump back-y. We love this adjustable posture corrector gizmo because well, first of all, it’s pink.  And secondly, for a contraption, it’s super incognito and easy to wear. It fits under your clothes so no one will be the wiser as they secretly improve problems such as scoliosis, spinal side bend, lumbago, and just plain ol’ back pain. So be a hero to your co-workers who are always griping about their aching backs on Zoom calls and give them the gift of relief!

Ankle Weights

We know. Some peeps in your tribe think these are so extra. But these one-pound ankle and wrist weight sets on our holiday gift guide could be a game-changer for their fitness journey. Available in pink or blue, they are super styling with a soft silicone, skin-friendly texture. But most importantly, they increase exercise intensity (and badassery) while burning fat and building a cray amount of muscle strength and endurance. They also can be majorly beneficial for those whose fitness regiment consists of a simple daily walk.

NUTRITION Under $50 

Uniquely You!

We could all use a good detox every now and then, especially coming out of the holidays. This gift of gluten-free Uniquely You! Daily Wellness Gummies supplements will give your loved ones the little extra push they need to stay healthy and help rid their bods of all that gook they ingested during the holidays. Chew on, my queens. Chew on.

Instantpot

Ah, the world of Instantpot-ting. If you aren’t yet familiar with the Instantpot, it’s a multi-purpose, customizable cooking machine with a cult-like following!  This magical pressure cooker-slash-steamer-slash-slow cooker will allow friends and family to whip up an endless array of simple healthy recipes, like yogurt, rice, pasta, soups, chicken, overnight oatmeal, steamed veggies… I mean, we can go on infinitum. The point is, this is an appliance worth giving (and getting if you still don’t have one!), and you’ll likely get invited to dinner that will be absolutely delish.

Holiday Survival Guide

It’s beginning to look a lot like… a big hot mess. Our Holiday Survival Guide is the perfect present for your friends who have a hard time doing Christmas: their tree lights are tangled, the stockings have gone missing, the dog ate the pfeffernusse, and all they really want is to do is yell, “Bah humbug.” Welp, it’s time to spark the joy again. With 62 pages of décor tips, healthy recipes, workouts, checklists, relaxation essentials, and much more, our LSF Holiday Survival Guide will help them let go of their holiday stress and get back on track in no time. We give a resounding holly jolly to that!

Storage Canisters (come in colors or white!)

It’s been a minute since we’ve been this excited about storage canisters. But these handy-dandy ceramic containers are soooo pretty that they landed a coveted position on our holiday gift guide!  Bam! We love the color selection on these beauties – white or muted green, dusty rose, and slate gray. The lids are acacia wood, making for quite the stylish display. Perfect for organizing and storing tea, coffee, sugar, flour, cereal, beans, rice, spices, herbs, and your favorite healthy snacks like nuts or dried coconut chips.

French Press

Some of us can get so aggro when we don’t have our coffee. And who needs moody friends? That’s why we say “oui” to this fabulous French Press. This eight-cup press will give you great flavorful brew in just four minutes. Made of glass with gold accents, it’s so elegant, their friends will assume they’re coffee connoisseurs, when in fact, they just need their caffeine like, now. Those in the know say that regular moderate coffee and tea intake reduces the risk of stroke and heart disease, as well as neurodegenerative diseases such as Parkinson’s. We also say “oui, oui” to that!

Wine Opener 

You had them at Wine. And then Opener. And then Electric. OK, bottom line is that this miraculous tool is pretty dope because it gives the wine enthusiasts on your list the ability to easily pull the cork from the bottle and access the glorious grape. Need we say more? OK, alllllsoooo… drinking wine in moderation is good for you! Experts say it provides antioxidants, supports longevity, and helps protect against heart disease and harmful inflammation. OK, now we’re done. Oh, and cheers!

SELF CARE Under $50 

LSF Planner

Well, it’s been a year. We think we can all agree that we’re happy to put the apocalypse that was 2020 behind us. Done and done. We’re excited to help all you busy babes set goals for next year with the LSF Planner. Our 2021 #GOALS Planner helps all the Reese Witherspoons on your holiday gift list design their dream life with vision board building and goal setting; organizing and daily planning; monthly and weekly overviews; fun stickers and artwork; motivational messages from Katie; healthy habit builder; and so much more. And all that comes in full-color pages with a pretty soft peach cover, bound with rose gold metal wire.  And Reese will especially appreciate that it also includes laminated, color-coded month tabs.

Mini fridge

Beyond adorable. Really. This retro pink mini fridge is so cute we just want to pinch its little handles. And it’s portable! In fact, when you gift it to your friends, they’re gonna want to carry it with them wherever they go. And who couldn’t use their own personalized fridge RN, what with all the jars and tubes of cosmetics, La Croix cans, and elixirs that we all use on the daily. This fridge even has a hot mode that allows you to warm things up if needed. So if ever there was a perfect gift for new moms on your holiday gift list (who may be stockpiling breast milk), this would be it.

Plush Fleece Indoor/Outdoor Slippers

The weather’s cold, and that means our little tootsies need some extra love. These premium fleece slippers with a cross band design are cozy, chic and elegant, making them the perfect gift for family and friends. They also have sturdy-yet-comfy waterproof foam soles so you can venture outside to grab the mail without your feet getting nippy!

Voluspa Candles

This gift is for all of your overscheduled rigorously organized friends who need to just RELAX for a hot minute and breathe in the amazing scents of this beautiful Voluspa candle selection. From Goji Torroco Orange, Santiago Huckleberry, and Panjore Lychee to Japanese Plum Bloom, Moso Bamboo and Baltic Amber, these glorious fragrances will gently waft by them, allowing them to wind down and transfix on the flickering flame. Aaaah.

FAVORITES Over $50

Silk Pillowcase Set

Newest obsession: silk pillowcases. Did you know these pillowcases provide less friction on skin and hair which prevents irritation or damage, they’re a way cleaner sleep surface AND they’re way less drying for your skin or hair. Overall, they’re a game changer and a perf gift for your bestie who wants to get her beauty sleep. Literally.

SMEG Toaster

Okay… HI. How cute is this SMEG toaster!!! Totally get that a toaster might seem like a pretty random gift, but we had to add it to our holiday gift guide. Can you image the kitchen glow-up with this toaster added to it? All you need next is a pink fridge and you’re set.

Cosori Air Fryer

I absolutely love my air fryer. I can cook veggies in minutes or make sweet potato fries totally guilt-free. It’s one of those appliances that you might not think is super necessary, but once you have one, you don’t know how your kitchen didn’t have one before. I love this one because it’s super easy to use, not too big and looks super sleek.

Olaplex Hair Set

All the hair self-care! Okay so I struggle with my hair sometimes (as you guys know, washing is kept v minimal) and overall I struggle with dryness cause from my hypo. I am absolutely loving Olaplex products, they keep my hair so soft and shiny and tbh I don’t think I’ll ever stop using it. This hair set is such a great gift for any babe in your life who wants to up their hair game!

Happy Holidays Babe!

The post Holiday Gift Guide 2020 appeared first on Love Sweat Fitness.

Holiday Gift Guide 2020 published first on https://olimpsportnutritionuk.tumblr.com/

[saintsylestine]

Emperor's Shrine by Dmitry Brushray