#pintwilf

[tossawary]

I revised one of my older fics and, in doing so, pushed my "Scum Villain Stories" series over 1,500,000 words! That's the series that is just SVSSS fics, 28 of them now, no art collections or other fandoms.

It's been a little over 4 years now since starting, and it's funny to think that about 500,000 words of that was the first year, mostly PINTWILF. I had a lot more free time and drive then, I think! It's also funny to look back to when SVSSS was a more obscure series, with neither a donghua nor an official English translation, and I genuinely had no idea whether or not anyone would read a story mostly focused on a minor character within those less popular books and his friendship with an OC.

I do wonder sometimes how I've influenced fandom! I don't think that I have a Word of God Big Name Fan setup (I hope not, that sounds terrifying, I do not want to be on a pedestal), but after I've written so much that has been relatively popular, I don't think it's unreasonable to wonder how my personal interpretations and/or specific choices for certain AUs have helped (helped!!! not alone by any means!!!) to shape various fanon perceptions over the years, for better or worse. I've had a few people tell me that they've read SVSSS because of my fics, which is cool, or that they've read my fics but not SVSSS, which is also cool, though I hope any potential fic authors do check out the original books rather than rely solely on my characterizations in particular AUs.

When I first started writing for SVSSS, a lot of Shang Qinghua additional tags such as "Shang Qinghua centric" or "POV Shang Qinghua" didn't really officially exist yet, so I guess I feel part of an early wave of SQH-focused fics (there were others! Lots of them before me! It was not just me!) and that's neat. It's cool to think that I had so much fun playing in a sandbox that I might have convinced other people to climb in to have their own fun.

It's fun to see fandom posts like: "Finding an story you like and then discovering the author has a bunch of other fics just like it is like finding the Holy Grail." I kind of get to go: "Hey, that's me for some people! 😄♥️"

[airplanetxt]

Luo Family from PINTWILF by @tossawary

[toomanytakennamesagh]

Ohhh random gush post cuz I can’t seem to focus on my essay after reading the latest chapter which filled me with SO MUCH DELIGHT. I just gotta let these words out cuz they’ve been festering in my brain for a bit.

SVSSS and Moshang fans are probably familiar with this name, but for anybody who doesn’t know (cuz ley’s be honest I don’t have a lot of followers and this is probably gonna get buried under a bunch of other Tumblr posts), Tossawary is a pretty active SVSSS author. I love them so much. Like, they post on Tumblr pretty regularly, draws art, AND writes amazing fics. I feel like the SVSSS fandom struck a goldmine with them.*

More under the cut cuz this got a bit long? And there may be some spoilers to their fics. 

The thing I love the most is how they always seem to complete their fics? And this gives me SUCH a sense of security? Because I HATE feeling the pain of seeing a discontinued WIP so much, but with their stories I get to enjoy the joy/agony of waiting for new chapter updates without having to worry about whether or not it will actually finish.

(And this is no hate to authors who DO have unfinished WIPs, okay. Even if they’re unfinished, I’m honestly glad it was put out in the world for readers to enjoy. Please don’t see this post as a bash, because you’re great too.)

They also write one of my most favorite versions of Shang Qinghua and Mobei-jun? (And Moshang in general.) Like, they perfectly capture the mess and hilarity of the ship, the REALLY BAD miscommunications and weird history together. They write meta posts and fic ideas about Mobei-jun’s family history and thought process, and how he would come to fall for a weird guy like Shang Qinghua. 

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! Because they also create lovely OC’s (Luo Jiahui and Peng Hongpeng, I’m staring directly at you). Like, they add to the stories perfectly, they’re properly fleshed out, and their relationships with Shang Qinghua are wonderful. 

The relationships--romantic or platonic--in general are great. THEY GOT ME TO LIKE A SHIP I WASN’T ORIGINALLY EVEN INTO (cough shang qinghua x yue qingyuan). They gave me a lovely familial dynamic between Shang Qinghua and Luo Binghe!** THEY LET LBH’S MOM SURVIVE, AND HAD SVSSS!LBH MEET HER!***  

And as someone who’s a sucker for worldbuilding, Tossawary fleshes out the history and setting of the SVSSS/PIDW world beautifully. I have a thing about reading the day-to-day tasks and stories of life on Cang Qiong Mountain, and how the world works outside of that. Like, yes please, tell me more about what the Peak Lords talk about in their meetings. I actually do really want to know about the kind of requests/documents/dealings Shang Qinghua has to deal with.

Anyways some of my favorite fics:

Nothing to Me, Nothing to You-- A SVSSS and MDZS fusion featuring Cloud Recesses Shang Qinghua and Yue Qingyuan, and Wen!Mobei-jun. It features a lovely friendship between YQY and SQH, and Moshang slowly getting closer and acting like dumb teens. 

Stepping Up- Currently on chapter three, and inspired me to write this post in the first place. IT’S AN DING LBH GETTING (kinda) ADOPTED BY SQH! AND DISAPPROVING OF MBJ! Just watching his protective mode go on sqh is a delight, they deserve to be in cahoots. THEY DESERVE TO BOTH BE CARED FOR. 

the ability to remain sober and gracious- I’m a qijiu simp okay. Even if this fic isn’t romantic, I still love how the argument turned out. And how that argument even started hehe. 

Catch a Falling Star- It’s a Stardust/SVSSS fusion. SY is the star, and he’s going on a road trip with lqg and lbh. Need I say more? 

love to the ones i’ve never met- This fic’s synopsis BROKE MY BRAIN FOR A BIT. I WENT FERAL WHEN LJH AND SVSSS!LBH MET! WHEN LBH GOT TO SEE THE PINTWILF UNIVERSE! I’VE WANTED THIS SO FOR MUCH. HE DESERVES TO HAVE A FAMILY AND GET MOTHERED AGAIN. 

Anyways if you haven’t read their fics please do. Tossawary if you ever read this post just know your hard work is appreciated and very much loved. 

*Also not to say I don’t appreciate other svsss/moshang authors, because I DO. The fandom is full of amazing talented people, and I delight in all their creations. 

**I have very strong VERY SPECIFIC FEELINGS about LBH having close platonic relationships. That boy needs friends and family, he’s suffered enough in canon!  

***It was everything I ever wanted

[ailelie]

Hello!

I think I saw a "come to me if you want recs!" post on your blog when I reblogged your Pride is not the Word I'm Looking For rec but I can't find it again and I'm not sure it exists anymore.

If it does exist, can I have stories that are about family dynamics and/or found family with a comedic tone that partially masks the potential tragedies looming in the background? Or maybe the tragedies are not masked at all- as long as I'm laughing before i cry my heart out.

If the rec post does not exist please ignore the above and accept my delight for reccing pintwilf, which is a great fic which needs to be recced more. :3 i really liked how you described it!

Thank you!

Hello!

I don't remember making that post, but! Found Family is a trope I like, so I combed through fics I've enjoyed to see if any fit those themes. Many of these, though, are going to be things that I think are close, but not quite. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!

Ain't No Compass, Ain't No Map by ebjameston (Batman, 51k) I'm not sure whether or not to count the Batfamily as found family, but they're certainly all adopted (officially or not) into the family. This one has the outsider!pov of a CPS agent tracking down the missing Tim Drake. Jason Todd has taken unofficial custody of Tim. The CPS agent slowly gets pulled into the family as well.

Building a home by R95irth (The Untamed, 586k) While this fic does include romance, the emphasis is on Cangse Sanren, Wei Changze, Jiang Fengmian, and Yu Ziyuan making a family with one another. This doesn't ever delve into poly among those four, but focuses instead on close, familial friendships. The children, though, definitely see all four adults as theirs. The story is complete and has an ongoing sequel that currently stands at over 700k. This fic is an investment, but well worth it.

Doing the Work by MarbleGlove (59k, Naruto) In this story, a civilian woman decides to take care of Sasuke after the massacre and to subtly teach him how to become a clan leader. She never quite takes on the role of 'mother' for Sasuke nor does she treat him like her child. They do, however, become family.

Life Happens by Cdelphiki (Batman, 176k) Tim and Damian, who are still, very much, at the hating each other stage of their relationship, end up stranded in our world. Tim swiftly steps up as Damian's caretaker, becoming both his brother and father-figure as they spend over a decade in our world together. Meanwhile, Tim also builds up a support system of mentors and friends. This fic is amazing beyond amazing with a fantastic slow-burn family.

This Must Be the Place by mugsandpugs (X-Men Evolution, 160k) Logan ends up taking care of the Brotherhood kids when he realizes they have no adults they can rely on. The Brotherhood kids are definitely all family to one another and Logan steps in as their adult. He does the work to earn their trust.

Hunting Pains by Ragga (Teen Wolf, 230k) A grieving Stiles throws himself into the past after his entire pack dies. While there, he ends up the reluctant mentor for a teenaged Kate Argent. From there, he slowly heals and builds a new pack while dealing with key threats early. This is probably closest to pure found family on this list, I think. It does contain a romance, but that is secondary to the platonic relationships among the new pack.

No Winter Lasts Forever by TomFooleryPrime (Star Trek, 303k) This story is a doozy and likely the furthest from your request. Basically, a woman who is deeply grieving and wanting to feel more alive ends up having sex with a Vulcan experiencing Pon Farr. They both, iirc, blame themselves for the encounter and see the other as their victim. Then she gets pregnant. They marry and move to a very remote location while still barely friends. The story focuses on their relationships with the community around them, their developing relationship, and the tension of being, again, on a very remote outpost with limited supplies. Very slow burn. High stakes. Much tragedy, but also much determination and hope.

reverse by blackkat (Naruto, 386k) Kurama the Kyuubi gets tossed into the past when Naruto is just a little kid and ends up taking the boy on the run. While dodging Leaf ninja who want to get Naruto back home, Kurama ends up adopting or befriending the rest of the jinchuuriki. This fic has a little romance, but the emphasis is on caretaker and sibling relationships.

Muddling Through Grey by Kizmet (Young Justice, 64k) In a world in which Superboy remained rather isolated, he gets forcibly adopted by Flash's rogues after he asks them to kill him mid-battle. The fic focuses heavily on the found family among the rogues, the parent-child relationships with Conner and Snart as well as Digger and Owen, and the friendships among the Young Justice crew and baby rogues.

I hope at least one of those will hit on what you're seeking!

[ohai-there]

I'm pretty sure it's not - I think LBH was already old enough to join the sect on his own aarrrghghhh im losing ittt

I've read PINTWILF multiple times!! very good 100% 10/10 would recommend. All of tossawary's fics are realllly good!!!

Number 12 for the writers ask game !

12: what trope I'm really into right now

The SQH is Binghe's father trope,,,, I love it so much that SQH runs his mouth and lets loose the 'my son' quietly and people notice and they're like !!!!!!! Your SON?!?!!!? And SQH looks similar enough to LBH that it... might actually be feasible????

I'm trying to find that one multichapter fic about that!!!! I think it's one where LBH goes to An Ding Peak instead of Qing Jing but! I! Can't! Remember!!!!!! And I can't find it!!!! either!!!!! Help!!!!

[harperink-writes]

“...Why?”

“Because you’re our son,” Shang Qinghua tells him, gripping his shoulders tightly. “Because you were a child who needed us. Because you didn’t ask for the world to be this way. Because you’re brave and kind and clever, and have a good heart, and you don't deserve to lose it. Because our lives have been so much better than they would have been without you.”

Binghe sobs, hands brushing over tears that just keep coming.

So I re-read "Pride is not the word I'm looking for" over the past two days, and it's genuinely the best fanfiction I think I've ever read. The plot development, the character development, the worldbuilding-- every bit of it is absolutely amazing. This combined with it being @tossawary's birthday recently made me want to try my hand at drawing one of the absolute central scenes of the story so far. PINTWILF is a fucking joy to read, it inspires me to push my own creative abilities with writing and art, and I just really REALLY love this story about a man finding connections, love, and meaning in the life he's built.

[gloomiedyke]

Rincewind from the Discworld series gives me really similar vibes to TMA's Jonathan Sims or Tossawary's Shang QingHua.

Coward who is simultaneously really clever and a total dumbass. Scared of literally everything, seriously, so much anxiety. Do Not Want anything to do with the main plot. Please let them rest, they're So Tired, So Done.

Often underestimated, even by themselves.

Sarcastic little shits.

The SHITTIEST LUCK imaginable. Pessimistic as a result. Neglected during childhood/distant or entirely absent parents/guardians.

Nobody thinks they're hero material, least of all them, And Yet!

I don't know what the fuck this character type is but I love it dearly.

[captainsupernoodle]

Reading chapter five of pride is not the word I'm looking for by tossawary (wonderful username) and the truly massive amounts of guilt and emotional crisis bingmom is inflicting on sqh by feeding him and having well developed conversation and emotional skills is Sending me. Incredible.

[daffydo]

i present: Absolutely Built MBJ, waiting for his spy to report. big credit to @tossawary​ whose opening description of him in chapter 4 of their incomparable fic pride is not the word i’m looking for left me on the floor

did i do this instead of my actual final project today? yes. did i have to put myself on drawing time out before i could finish any of the rest of the art i started today because my elbow started complaining? also yes. there is more where this came from but it will be posted another day

twitter // commissions currently closed

[jellytamalies]

Shen Yuan scowls, concentrating, and then Binghe’s eyes go wide as he stares at Shang Qinghua’s fellow transmigrator in disbelief. Binghe then grips the hand holding the Weeper’s Eye with both of his hands, focusing as well.

- pride is not the word I'm looking for by Tossawary on AO3, Chapter 46: Men and Monsters

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo as you may be able to tell, ive kinda been getting into svsss <- person who is absolutely deranged about svsss

this fic ive been reading (listening to. the podfic is really good) "pride is not the word I'm looking for" by @tossawary has it's fucking claws in me. and i have no idea how I will cope when i finish reading it...

Yeah so have this thing

anyhow consider reading this fic. You don't have to read Scum Villan to read this (though maybe do because it adds to the suspense?) But if you want a longfic with beautiful found family, a really well written mystery, shang qinghua accidently collecting way too many childern, and shen qingque being terrifying in an awsome and kinda funny way. Read this.

pride is not the word I'm looking for (408442 words) by Tossawary Chapters: 50/50 Fandom: 人渣反派自救系统 - 墨香铜臭 | The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Luo Binghe's Adoptive Mother & Shang Qinghua, Luo Binghe & Shang Qinghua, Mobei-jun/Shang Qinghua, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Liu Qingge & Shang Qinghua, Shàng Qīnghuá & Original Shěn Qīngqiū, Shang Qinghua & Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua & Everyone, Shang Qinghua & Original Character(s), Undisclosed Relationship(s) Characters: Shang Qinghua, Luo Binghe's Adoptive Mother, Luo Binghe, Mobei-jun, The Scum Villain's Self-Saving System Ensemble, Undisclosed Character(s), Original Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, It's All Shang Qinghua's Fault, Unfridge the Mom, Luo Binghe's Adoptive Mother Lives, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Parental Shang Qinghua, Uncle Shang Qinghua, Shang Qinghua Adopts Luo Binghe, Families of Choice, Family Feels, For Want of a Nail, Universe Alteration, Alternate Character Interpretation, Not Canon Compliant, Self-Indulgent, Worldbuilding, Pre-Canon, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Minor Character Death, Explicit Language, Original Shěn Qīngqiū Sympathetic, Angst and fluff and humor, Shang Qinghua Being an Idiot, Shang Qinghua-centric, POV Shang Qinghua, Unreliable Narrator, Author Is Sleep Deprived, My First Work in This Fandom, Spoilers, Long Shot, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Plot, Plot Twists, Character Development, Original Character(s), Friendship/Love, Introspection, Brother-Sister Relationships, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Mother-Son Relationship, Fight Scenes, Blood and Injury, Near Death Experiences, Shang Qinghua Deserves Love, Luo Binghe Deserves Love, Complete Series: Part 1 of Pride Is Not The Word, Part 1 of Scum Villain Stories Summary: Shang Qinghua goes to take a self-indulgent peek at his baby protagonist son and gets a kick to the shrivelled heart for his troubles. He gave up on changing the story years ago! Yet he finds himself helping his protagonist son's adoptive mother anyway. Just this one change won't matter too much, right? One little change leads to more. Shang Qinghua never meant to care, but he becomes invested in making sure that his new family survives the looming plot. With the changes to the world cascading around him, with his position as a traitor pulling him between his sect and a certain ice demon, and with the protagonist growing up so quickly, how is one displaced author meant to ensure that everything turns out all right? A Pre-Canon to Canon Divergence story.

[tossawary]

Sooo... "Servant to a Different King" has turned out to be the second-longest SVSSS fic that I've ever written... (PINTWILF is the first, obviously, especially if you include all of the companions and extras. After that are "Catch a Falling Star" and "A Child Once".)

Posting is going to start on October 25th!

[tossawary]

One of the first things that Yue Qingyuan says is: "You were in perfect health, so his did you suddenly come down with a high fever? I know that with the Immortal Alliance Conference approaching, you've been training your disciples and are anxious to see results. But with Cang Qiong Mountain being such a well-established and renowned sect, even if one of our own didn't attend this time, no one would dare question us. Why concern yourself with empty words?" (Chapter 1, page 17.)

Of course, we don't know if Shen Qingqiu was in perfect health, because he would probably try to hide poor health from Yue Qingyuan especially. And people would say SOMETHING at the Immortal Alliance Conference if Shen Qingqiu didn't show up, at minimum just a "Huh, that's funny, wonder where he is?" statement said in passing. Yue Qingyuan could be saying this to persuade Shen Qingqiu not to go and to look after his own health instead, even knowing that the other cultivation sects might gossip wildly about it and CQM's reputation might suffer for it.

What we do know for sure here is that Yue Qingyuan would let Shen Qingqiu ditch the Immortal Alliance Conference without too many questions. If not for the System forcing events, Shen Yuan could have just... not gone... and held Binghe back too. :(

It is a little funny that Yue Qingyuan phrases it this way when the conference is 3 years away and they presumably had one just last year (the event happens every 4 years, though I shifted it to 5 in PINTWILF). It kind of makes it sound like something happened to Shen Qingqiu at the last one? Even if it was just him being extremely annoyed by his students doing poorly or something.

[tossawary]

As I post about rereading SVSSS for lore and characterization, and about sometimes ignoring canonical details for the sake of whatever story I want to tell / explore in fanfiction for fun, I want to make it clear that I don't make these changes because I think it makes a "better story" or that I can write a "better story". I don't even like using the term "fix-it" for my canon divergence AUs that avert some in-universe tragedy, even if it is the "correct" fandom term in some cases, because I don't think that SVSSS is a story that needs to be "fixed".

(Honestly, a lot of my minor alterations to canon's details are because I can't remember what exactly canon is and can't always be bothered to hunt for one sentence (which I may or may not remember existing at all) across multiple volumes, especially when I don't always think strict faithfulness to canon is that crucial to the main concept of what I'm doing. I wrote PINTWILF and several other fics before the official English translations were fully released, when checking minor details was an even greater pain in the ass. Sometimes, I'm cooking without the recipe in front of me because I just want to eat.)

Like, I have criticisms of SVSSS, definitely. When I first started writing SVSSS fic, I was more frank about this (fond but less fond of the characters and world than I am now), and I've talked about things I wished the story expanded on more. I think it has flaws. I know those flaws are a dealbreaker for many people. But it's not my story. I can't tell MXTX's story better, because I believe that every author's story belongs to them and only they know what they're trying to achieve, even when I may personally think that the story might have been stronger if it had done something differently or I'm ignoring some minor detail specifically because I don't really like it.

It's awkward, sometimes, occasionally being told by someone that they enjoyed my fic more than the original story. It's very flattering (I can't pretend I don't have an ego) and I don't think anyone means any harm by this, people enjoy stories or don't for many different reasons (enjoyment is not necessarily an indication of quality and I think engaging with fandom can often be more fun than just reading a story on its own by yourself), but it is a little awkward, especially when SVSSS is not an English / western story. I have an advantage appealing to western readers. Reading a translation of the original story, I know there are details of SVSSS going over my heard, references I'm missing, nuances I don't recognize, even as I endeavor to keep learning. I personally enjoy some of my fics more than SVSSS itself because I associate them with good experiences and a lot of them appeal to me personally in some way or another (all of my favorite tropes! we all have favorite tropes!), but they are built on the back of someone else's original work on the other side of the world, and I want to be respectful of that.

I don't want to compete or fix. I'm not trying to compete or fix, I think I would fuck it up if anyone seriously set that task on me, and I don't think that's a good way to view anything. I want to explore and appreciate. I'll type up a lengthy post at some point as to why I'm generally not interested in concrit on my fics (honestly, mostly it's because I'm not interested in being told that a reader hates the present tense and wishes I would rewrite the entire story, which has happened to me before), but I hope that doesn't come off as disinterest in the original story or its cultural context, or as me thinking even a little bit that any of my stories are flawless and/or better than the original.

I want to make a "why would you put two bad bitches (compliment) against each other like this?" joke here, but I also want to be clear: I think MXTX is by far the badder bitch (compliment) in this situation.

(Turning off reblogs, btw, because this post skews more on the personal side.)

[tossawary]

As someone who has been obsessively reading your SVSSS works for years (???Oh god) now, I just wanna say how lovely it is to be reading Servant to a Different King AND PINTWILF at the same time. I love the characters choices you’ve made in both, and the royal couple in STADK just feels like the sweetest possible ending for the brutally traumatized folks I just saw in PINTWILF. Can I ask if you have any more longer Moshang fics planned, even if it’s in the distant future? (Or anything PINTWILF!!)

Thank you! I enjoyed writing "Servant to a Different King" especially because I got to explore a lot of ideas that I raised in "pride is not the word I'm looking for" and I'm glad that you also enjoyed that part! (Oh my gosh, it really has been years now... It's been yeeeeears... Time flies when you're having fun, I guess!)

I have some projects (not fics) for FTH that I have slowly and steadily been working on and need more of my attention, so I expect not to be posting for the rest of November and probably not for December either. I also have some non-fandom stuff going on in December and I'm going to focus on relaxing as much as I can.

THEN in 2024, I'm going to force myself (in going to have so much fun, I just need to wrangle my focus like other people wrangle wild horses) to focus again on continuing "Sit With Your Soul", my Daemon AU starring Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu. I've been working on it very slowly, but it's one of those projects that requires a lot of pre-planning, revision, and some research so that I can really use the concept to dig my fingers into canon. I intend to crack the current fic back open and add new chapters to that one, so people can bookmark or subscribe to the current "Sit With Your Soul" fic instead of me as an author or my SVSSS series.

And then... I don't know. I'm feeling a little burnt out on SVSSS, honestly. I still like it and I have a lot of ideas for it, but I do have some other fic ideas for other fandoms that I might move to front burners, and then come back to SVSSS after a break. I think I'm going to avoid any sign-ups next year and just go with the flow.

[tossawary]

I'm re-reading PINTWILF and was suddenly wondering: considering how dense Shen Yuan is on SVSSS, how long do you think it will take him to realize Binghe has like, feelings, feelings for him?

I think he'll have to have it spelled out bluntly for him. But not necessarily because he's completely oblivious to the fact that he and Binghe are close and affectionate with each other in a "more than friends" way? I think by the end, even when he's still gently, jokingly encouraging Binghe to flirt with women, he'll have suspicions. Or... maybe... "he'll have hopes" is the better word?

See, one of the things I personally really like about MXTX's works is that while the protagonists are a little (or a lot) romantically oblivious sometimes, they're all capable of being very clever and observant, and I get a really strong vibe that their obliviousness is actually partly denial/disbelief that they would actually be allowed to have this thing (this person) that they come to really, really want. They often can't bring themselves to look at the idea directly. They know but also can't even bring themselves to think about it, because the rejection would hurt them too deeply, and rejection feels inevitable, by the world if not by the person they love, so they might as well blind themselves to the possibility of happiness.

It's a remarkably queer element that I vibe with on a personal level. It's also just one interpretation of things. Which is why, for example in MDZS fics, we get the spectrum of Genuinely Completely Oblivious Wei Wuxian to a Wei Wuxian who is so, so in love with Lan Wangji for so long but can't fully believe LWJ would ever like him back and, more importantly, doesn't want to "ruin" LWJ with everything that he is. (I am personally partial to interpretations which lean more towards the latter. I like obliviousness just fine, I like mixes of both, but the angst of love being known deep-down, but feeling unspeakable, being unthinkable, is delicious to me. The pining is so good.)

Now, Shen Yuan is a very different character to Wei Wuxian, just as SY is a very different character to Airplane. My personal interpretation is that each of the MXTX protagonists perform this "defensive obliviousness" in very different ways, to very different degrees, and for very different reasons. (I mean, for some of them, we're dealing with "loving me back would ruin your life and I love you too much to let you do that" and others are dealing with "if I reveal my love/lust to this person and they're not open to it, they might kill me for it".)

I actually went into SVSSS (SPOILERS) feeling really wary of the teacher-student angle, but my impression of their time together as teacher and student was that Shen Yuan's feelings for Luo Binghe were genuinely platonic. And while I make jokes about Shen Yuan being oblivious to LBH's feelings for him, he had a lot of really good reasons for thinking that Luo Binghe wanted to kill him at first upon their reunion. I think any romantic/sexual feelings only started to develop for SY upon their reunion and only became fully realized even later. My personal interpretation of Shen Yuan is that he's asexual (he reads as sooo ace to me), probably gay but possibly bi-romantic, sex-neutral or sex-favorable. (Though I also think that, in SVSSS, even married to Binghe, he still probably personally identifies mostly as "straight with an exception".)

I'm losing the thread of where I'm going with this because I'm desperately trying not to write like five different meta essays here.

In PINTWILF (SPOILERS), Shen Yuan is already in a different situation to SVSSS. Shang Qinghua is SY's mentor-figure and openly queer, openly in a relationship with a demon, and SQH has at least told SY that marrying all those wives in PIDW didn't make LBH happy. I can't remember if SQH ever directly hinted to SY that LBH might be into men, but the other family members aren't exactly 100% discrete or subtle about their teasing. Shen Yuan has a lot more space to get comfortable with his own queerness and LBH's queerness, though he has a lot of internalized homophobia to get through (and misogyny, my goodness, sometimes in SVSSS I really wanted to bop him on the head for his behavior around women even if he's simultaneously mocking the sexist tropes).

But there's still Shen Yuan's self-confidence and self-image to contend against. Even when he's not mentally slotted himself into the role of "teacher" and "betrayer", he's still had the time to mentally slot himself into the role of "older friend" and "confidant". Shen Yuan seems to view himself as a kind of boring person and he likes it that way, so while he would be happy to have Binghe as a partner, he likes him so very much, he can't quite shake the feeling that Binghe could do better and so it's best not to read too much into it. He's honestly happy enough just being friends (or so he tells himself) and doesn't want to "make it weird" unless Binghe takes the first step.

[tossawary]

Happy October, everyone! I've been switching icons less frequently lately, but I've been sitting on this idea for a while; the base is a photo that I took of a real cassowary skeleton at a museum.

Not much to report on my offline end except that work has been going along as usual and I'm excited to appreciate the color of autumn while it's here. I may post some Whumptober oneshots here and there if I have the time, because I want to experiment with writing warm-ups and some of the prompts look fun, but I won't make any promises. I want to get out and about before it starts getting cold and dark!

The big news is that I've completed a fic for the Moshang Big Bang 2023 event (happening now! Right now! Lots of long, lovely Moshang fics in your area! Go check it out!) and the assigned posting date is October 25th! It's the second-longest fic that I've ever written (after PINTWILF) and I'll be posting a chapter a day for over two weeks. It's called "Servant to a Different King", based on some posts that I originally made years ago now, in which Shang Qinghua became Tianlang-Jun's servant instead of Mobei-Jun's, and it's basically a self-indulgent Demon Realm rom-com.

I wish everyone good weather whatever their season! (I'm not going anywhere but) See you all soon! ✈❤❄