#pinkie is the name for rat babies...so...i thought it would be cute

[captain-n-crunchies]

My Zuzu!

Izuku Midoriya x Reader

Let talk about how Izuku would be the perfect boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. Like forgot Bakugo tough but soft love and Kirishima gym rat love and look at how Zuku is like total boyfriend material!

-- Izuku who when he first discovers your pretty face quickly asks you about your quirk and backstory even how you got your hero suit designed! Writing everything you say with a quickness, but he doesn't even notice himself writing notes about your appearance like how your lip pucker when in thought, your eyes simmer when you talk about your favorite thing about your hero design, and how quickly your face animates itself to a new emotion every few sentences. After meeting him he makes a huge effort to get to know you besides your quirk and heroic morals he wants to know everything about you even things about your parents (he used those facts for when you start dating)

-- Izuku after months of being your friend fighting alongside you and you tending to some of his scars he starts to have more unfriendly thoughts about, and no not any freaky stuff more of he hates how you laugh at every flirty joke Denki makes or how he love that you fuss over him and his recklessness he just eats up every new hairstyle you get, every new shoe, new dress he just hasss to complement you making you smiles at him so hard he blushes under that gaze you give him. Too bad it took practically a whole pregnancy for him to confess!

-- Izuku would when makes dates makes sure he gets everything perfect from a small date to a cafe he gets you a tiny allmight keychain as a momentum, dates at the aquarium? a jellyfish plushie is in your arms by the end of shark's exhibit, a concert for the two of you favorite band? Oh, baby got a favor from Bakugo to get you their new album. He makes sure any cuddle dates are so cozy and warm so you can't leave his arms; with pillow forts and fresh popcorn and a cute Disney movie with his strong arms around you warming you up nicely. Izuku who covers you up in his bed is you fall asleep fist and gets one of his allmight plushie and places it in your arms

-- Izuku who is always touching you doesn't matter if it's your leg on his thigh or his hand holding your pinky, he just needs to touch you if you're going to be close to him but what about far away? He has a whole keychain of allmight that everyone knows is his and he attaches it onto your bag and boom now everyone even your teachers know your " Zuzu Baby"

-- Speaking of Zuzu baby, he loves pet names and since his name Izuku has about fifty names in it you choose ' Zuzu' which when you first called him it he face reddens a bit since you always gotta call him babe or baby he naturally registers his name to be Zuzu. He's a boy who doesn't care if his friends hear you call him this name because you call him it out of love and he can't ask for more, I mean your his baby what the need to go getting mad because you didn't call him Midoriya he doesn't even call you by your real name you baby, pretty boy/girl, beautiful, pretty, anything he could think of that remind him of your called it

-- Now even though he's soft he ain't no punk he just doesn't really get bothered by mean commets anymore (he was quirkless majority of his childhood this dude got more thick skin than Bakugo) he just laughs awkwardly and when alone he talks all his shit

" And Bakugo gonna call me useless!?"

" Nooo baby why you didn't say nothing?"

" He got kidnapped and nobody wanted to save him but Kiri! I would be pissed everyday too"

" Omg! Izu stop!"

-- Like Zuzu is messy also he was a quite kid y'all so when you thought he wasn't listening HE WAS, and since your if s/o then bookie he is talking so much shit and gossip with you to the point you look at him differently like where did my softy go? He just said he would whoop Todoroki's ass if he called him a mutt

" Baby really?"

" It'll take a while but I could!"

" Shoto? The fire and ice combo package?? You could whoop his ass?"

" If I was called a mutt! He'll have two scars"

Yea... he talks too much but, he gonna back it up especially if it was about you. He cares about your mental a lot so if you ever tell him you're feeling a bit down simply because a hoe talking shit, he got 508 Instagram accounts to troll them, and you'll never know

-- Izuku who is only a boy so sometimes that cute miniskirt gets the gears in his head turning, in his room right behind the hero journal he got a little book filled with drawings of you so detailed it almost creepy, a small page of you drawn in many lewd styles. Every make out session you feel hi hand twitch trying to stop himself from touching our hips or to fondle your chest when you cuddle

-- Izuku who when the time is right will show you, he isn't just Zuzu baby all the time his mind evreytime you change clothes wondering what will happen if he takes a peek at your naked form?

-- 'That'll never happen though, Izuku is too much of a sweetheart to be a perv right?' You think looking at him scribble in his book today you're in his room studying, you ask to see his book and he blushes shaking his head and hides the page from. After a few minutes he gets up to go to the bathroom now your chance!

Getting up from your spot you take a peek at the page and it just a drawing of you listening to music from earlier with cute love notes along the side, smiling you hide the page again not looking at the page behind it with you drawn with your tits out glistening in the sun.

We love Zuzu!

[kakashiislut]

Howdy! Do you have any general relationship headcanons for Modi? He's my favorite stinky rat man, show this man what a vaguely healthy relationship looks like.

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Sorry this took so long! I also love our stinky rat boy :(

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Warnings: some nsfw, not that bad. I’m sorry this is so bad, I can’t keep still.

Authors Note: sorry this is bad, I got a nose job like yesterday and it hurts to stare at my phone. But I love him. My eyes are all swollen so I hope this makes sense.

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Healthy Modi x GN!Reader relationship Head-cannons.

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-Modi is and was put down for his entire life by just about everyone around him. It sucked. He doesn’t find comfort in anyone, but his mother…until he found you…

-You Call him all sorts of things. His favorite is when you call him “my pretty boy…” or “sweetie” he finds it makes his heart beat super fast. He absolutely adores when you coo all sort of pet names at him. Makes him feel all sweet inside.

-He doesn’t like anyone saying anything about his weight, but if you call “my chubby boy” or just overall bite and hug his tummy?? HES GONNA CRYYYY- he loves it. Plzs tell him how much you love his body.

-He loves holding your hand and taking you out on walks. When he’s walking over some large rocks, he’ll hold your pinky and then lift you over the rock and set you back down.

-He will talk the ENTIRE time. Everyone he tries to talk to anyone, they shut him up usually. So please listen to everything he has to say. He will talk about all sorts of things, from animals, to how angry his grandad makes him, all the way to what his day was like.

-Dates?? Yes dates, all day everyday. Like seriously, it’s kinda bad. He has some sort of mission? “BUT DADDDD!!! Me and Y/N are supposed to go out todayyyy”

-Let’s Just say his dad probably hates you a little bit.

-Thing about Modi? He’ll never take his feelings out on you, magni would, Modi would never. He’s always blamed for everything, so why would he try to blame you? If his dad doesn’t like you, or gets him in trouble for wanting to hang with you, Modi will just stomp away and pretend nothing happened when you question him.

-(Sorry if that makes no sense, I’m trying my best, I can’t see.)

-When you guys sleep in the same bed, he’ll try to make as much space as possible for you. It’s so cute, this cute lil baby is all tangled up at the edge of the bed. He’s literally like 8 ft tall, but he’s your babyyyyy.

-Does snore. Will apologize if you complain about it. He will purposely snore louder, just to make you laugh. He’ll pretend to sleep for like 10 minutes, just to hear you giggle and slap at his arm.

NSFW:

-it’s thick. Like way too thick. The type to whine and gently sob, cause it won’t fit in you. But that’s okay. Cause you’ll keep trying and he’ll keep sobbing. And eventually?? It slips right in.

-Rub and pinch at his nipples, he’ll get off to it. Trust me, just brush over them and he’ll cum everywhere. Slap them even. He’ll buck his hips and his pretty mouth will open.

-Sub. Don’t care. I said it.

-Will moan so loudly if you ride him, hands at his side, while you jump up and down on his cock. His cock? It’s so pretty, cute lil pink tip and the shaft matches his skin color.

-You’ve asked him about getting a tattoo on the base while you guys where fucking and he really thought about it. (It’ll hurt wayyy too much, stick and pokes suck)

-Like you do! YOUR HEAD GAME IS FIRE.

[ltlemon]

kk I'm gonna live blog episode 6 of OFMD because it'll be funny MAJOR SPOILERS but also like everything's super spaced out so you could probably read along with my reactions? (no clue why you would do that but the option is there.)

fair warning this is really long but no one's going to actually read this so that's fine.

that opening shot is SOO PRETTY

who tf is this guy

'my love'? is he fruity and evil? evil and fruity?

'god that was a beautiful pitch, that was really nice'??? I THINK SO???

I might end up liking the evil gay violin man

hi ed <33

oh no trauma

DRAMA WITH THE GIRLLLS <33 (Izzys little wiggle is precious)

HE THOUGHT HE WAS ROACH???? HOW DRUNK IS HE HOT DAMN

he did say sorry though :')

they're sharing the bottle !! the only times ed has done that with anyone that I can remember has been with calico jack and stede

fock off >:(

aww stede put away all his stuff for him

's probably not a good idea though

oop, yep, caught it. guilt room :(

poor stede he looks like he feels a little bad now.

he's so sweet about it though. <3

ARCHIE!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SM

AA LOOK AT HOW JIM LOOKS AT HER

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A BIRTHDAY STORY?!?!? AHAHAH

GIRL YOU ARE INSANE

oluwande looks like he's doubting his partners choice of a third slightly

fang's sticking his pinky out!

hehehehe they want a party <33

YEAHHHH

aww not stede offering to give the loot up to a good cause

give it a new purpose, one not tied to ed's guilt

you interrupted their little meeting >:(

EEhehe

YES TURN POISON INTO POSITIVITY

that's what I said

aw ed's charmed

✨I'm gonna go walk my dogs now, I'll be back✨

okok I'm back and I have a quesadilla

oh cool Ricky's back

you were minding your buisness?? no tf you weren't

heh, his new nose is cute though, it's like fancy china

old wrapped his arm around Jim!!! the cuties ever!!

AWWWWW HES FUCKINDUWDHAH

HES GIVING MONEY TO RANDOM KIDS BC HE WAS POOR AS A KID ADSIJN

I love him so much

'filthy little gutter rats' I'm dying

INN RP???

'don't be pirates' 'yeah agreed don't be pirates 😀'

zheng!

girl what is wrong with you

wee John doing drag makeup!!!!!!!! EAHEIDHAB

izzy seems quite intrigued

AWW stede's so charmed by the party

it's rubbing off on ed too

omfg Jim's so silly

just a little guy

HOLY SHIT WEE JOHN LOOKS GOOD

eeeeee ed's little smile at stede <33

WHAT THE FUCK IZZY MUSICAL SCENE WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

AND HE'S GOOD!?!?!?!?

WIAIYT WAIT WAIT ARE THEU GONNA DANCE

PLEASE PLEAAAASE TELL ME THEYRE GONNA DANCE

fang's clapping for izzy in the background ee

UEUEUEUE SOME PEOPLE ARE DANCING

Jim and Archie are so flipping cute omfg

holy shit??? hand kiss???

AWWWW <<3333

OH OH OH AND JIMS DANCING WITH OLU TOO

THEY REALLY DO HAVE TWO HANDS

HAH HOLY SHIT THE THREE OF THEM ARE TRYING SO HARD

JIM SANDWICH

!!!!

AW OH OH NO ED SHIELDING STEDE-

oh its gay violin man!

'oh I'm going to torture you all. by the way. 😃' sorry I forgot, I meant evil gay violin man.

I love how when ed says 'its because I only hang out with cool pirates' Stede's looking at him like he just delivered the burn of the century

oh holy shit stede's getting pissed he's like stop touching him

'oh shit! You struck a chord, I think you got it in one!' his face here is so wholesome aa

'you torture like a bitch' 'yes ok honey maybe you shouldn't say that it might get us killed'

AW NO THE LITTLE 'it's me you want ITS ME YOU WANT' he can deal with it, causing pain to himself because of an action he did is fine, he's used to that, but that pain coming to stede is unacceptable.

'so what's the plan you...weird...fock?' starting to like izzy

AHDJAKSJ I love Lucius and Pete sm ya'll

his little conductors baton is really cute

Lucius and Pete in the lower levels of the ship looking like a shot from Alien

omfg stede asking for her name is so cute'

'where were you 😡' 'we got engaged 😄' 'aww🥰' 'anyways- 😡'

'alright gang! let's talk profit sharing! 😄' I'm dead

'don't do it stede 🥺' crying sobbing shaking

holy fucking shit stede

OH NO

baby's looking haunted by the horrors in his bedroom

??????

WHAT??

THE LOOK ON HIS FACE???? I NEED TO REWIND HOLD ON

HOLY SHIT

EDS FACE TOO HE WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT

sir you just killed a man???? why do you want to fuck now????????

aw ok but Izzy's back to singing though <33

he likes it :))

PHEW HOLY SHIT WHOA

OK IM STAYING SILENT FOR THIS SCENE ILL TALK WHEN ITS DONE I CANT FLIP BACK AND FORTH DURING THIS ONE BOYS (gn)

THAT WAS SO GOOD

LUCIUS'S LITTLE DANCE, EVERYONE SINGING ALONG,

GAY SEX?!?!?!

AGAGAAHAH

omg they're shouting for an encore in the creditsaaa 🥺

and Archie and roach interact yay!!

wow. ok. so we were right about the gay sex hips!!!

wow. we were right about the gay sex hips....

on to episode seven. (I may die within the next 24 minutes.)

[hyper-cryptic]

I love love love cat (creature) Hancock and doggo Nick so much!!!! So I was wondering...what might MacCready be? God maybe an actual big sniper rat?

Also Strong would be a bigass bullfrog and I am not taking constructive criticism on that.

I adore your idea of strong being a BIGASS Bullfrog!!! But I was thinking to make him a BIGASS alligator!! Plus yes, MacCready is a rodent...a very deadly one! The grasshoper mouse!

They are friends! >:)

[rere-the-writer]

Title: I rather write to Satan than Santa

Pairing: Child!Reader x Mikaelson family

Summary: The family is surprised who their little one decided to write to for Christmas.

Warnings: just pure unadulterated Fluff, Mikaelsons unsure of what to do, Reader being an oddball

It was Christmas time in New Orleans and Hayley thought it would be adorable for you and Hope to write letters to Santa forgetting that you were an odd child. You were founded by Klaus when you were three years old, a little thin dirty street rat left on the streets by drunken parents, a little girl able to see ghost and a little weird but the Mikaelsons adored you anyway.

You were now seven and every much loved by the Mikaelsons even if you had gotten a little more weirder, you were their little baby and Hope's baby sister.

"What are you doing, little one?" Elijah asked walking up to you kneeling by your little desk seeing you writing a letter and saw how your writing had gotten better.

"Writing my letter for Christmas."

"I see, little one I think you mean dear Santa." Elijah says reading your letter as you looked up at Elijah.

"No, I mean Satan. He has the good gifts." You tell Elijah smiling with twinkling eyes as the vampire chuckled kissing your head listening to you talk about your letter. Elijah walk down stairs with you as you were ready to mail off your letter getting smiles from the family.

"Your letter for Santa?"

"No. For Satan." You chirped putting on your little boots as Klaus was taken back looking at Elijah for him to confirm, Elijah chuckled nodding to his siblings. Rebekah helped you put on your coat with a ten year old Hope so you both could mail off your letters.

*Child, you shouldn't be mailing to the Devil.*

*I agree with Sister Mary.*

"But I want a puppy." You tell the two ghosts of the Nuns that had been following you for awhile as Elijah looked at you seeing that you were staring at nothing.

"Are the Sisters back again?"

"Yes." You answered Elijah as you pushed your letter in the mailbox as the Nuns disappeared and Elijah scooped you up while holding out a pinky for Hope to grab.

"Can we get donuts uncle 'Lijah?"

"Yeah uncle 'Lijah?! Can we?!" You chirped as Elijah chuckled seeing your and Hope's puppy dog eyes, nodding getting cheers from you both. While Christmas was right around the corner little did the Mikaelsons know your letter had indeed reached the dark Lord, hisself.

"My Lord, another mistaken letter." A demon says handing of the letter as the demon Lord put on his glasses looking over the letter.

"No, this one was on purposes. Let's make this girl's Christmas."

It was Christmas morning arrived and you excitedly rushing down stairs to where Kol had to catch you when you nearly fell down the stairs as Hope giggled following behind. Everyone sat around opening gifts as Klaus looked at Elijah when you pulled out a wiggling box addressed to you from Satan.

"Did you?"

"No, did you?" Elijah questioned Klaus as you let out a squeal getting their attention seeing a three headed puppy,that looked like a pit bull puppy, licking your face as you got the pup out of the box.

You petted your new puppy as Kol picked up a card that came in the box reading it before letting his siblings look at it as Hope moved next to you wanting to pet your puppy.

"So are we to believe that Satan hisself answered our little oddball's letter?" Kol questioned looking over at you cuddling your puppy as he licked your face enjoying the attention you were giving him.

"Clearly, if none of us got it for her." Rebekah said arms crossed happy to see you so happy as they watched you with your puppy and Kol moved down next to you smiling petting a head of the puppy.

"What is his name, little oddball?"

"Sir Brute Anderson Esquire and he is my son." You chirped as Kol chuckled as everyone was unaware of a man watching from outside with a smirk on his face.

That night Rebekah was tucking you in finding it cute how you were cuddled up to your puppy as the others came doing a check over like they do in Hope's bedroom. While they didn't know just who gave you the puppy, they were just happy that you were happy.

[hopes4gf]

Thievery and Mischief (a marvel/ descendants crossover)

TW: (applies for series: discussions and mentions of rape, underaged sex, cheating, suicide, mental health)

AN: hi! this is a work in progress fanfic i’m uploading in advance of 15 chapters, so please show this some love, also sorry in advance for typos and spelling errors, my grammar is shit ;/ please enjoy!

I was so young. Too young. I didn’t understand why anything happened. I grew up in Agrabah with my parents and my brother, Aziz. But it wasn’t the dream vacation destination everyone in Auradon sought it out to be. It was a wreck. Jafar and Hades had invaded Agrabah and fought against my parents for revenge. Agrabah was damaged after their attack and our government had struggle to repair itself. So we had to live in a semi-permanent safe home for quite some time. By the way, I was also cursed by Jafar as a kid and I could shape shift into a tiger and develop other powers in the future. In my home, Mom was always stressed. Yelling and screaming how we needed to be better than they were to protect our city, especially me with my powers. My brother and I both took fencing classes, martial arts, learn how to shoot, every survival skill in the books before taking boys and girl Royal etiquette classes. Mom was the one who was particularly hard on me and my older brother throughout our childhood. Dad, not so much. He spent a lot of time in meetings in Auradon City. That’s how my first friendships began. He was great friends with King Adam and Queen Belle, elected leaders of Auradon. Ben, their only child was shy around me at first. He was intimidated by my mature stature. He like horses, painting, books, and food. I liked singing, fencing, and dancing but I also had a love for food and books so we got along through those things. We would always talk about the different ingredients in our cultures foods. His French pastries and my Arabian comfort foods. We were an inseparable pair of friends. And then I was introduced to Audrey. She joined our group soon after King Adam and Belle has decided to promise my parents and Audrey’s parents to a trust bond. A promise that would have one of us marry in the future. 9 year old me definitely didn’t want ANYTHING to do with dating my best friend. Neither did Ben. But Audrey, she was so persistent. She would constantly try to grab his attention. She was such a cheeky little girl. Raised to be such a lady compared to my more loose and carefree attitude. Somehow, Ben was happy around her. Our group soon expanded, and I met the greatest person ever. Li Lonnie, my greatest friend ever. Daughter of Fa Mulan and Li Shang, she was like me. Mature, strong, intelligent, and such a beautiful kid. Sure, she didn’t have my hazel eyes but she was such a pretty girl. She spoke so intelligently and when she spoke it was law. She was one of my inspirations as a kid. And still is :)

Time passed and we realized we weren’t kids anymore. My brother had to go away to a school in Auradon. And I was alone soon again. But I had my friends. But my child-like manners went away when I realized it was soon my turn to go to Auradon. So, I ran away. But you’ll hear more about that in the future.

Freshman year of high school. Audrey and Ben has broken off from our group and started dating in High School. Audrey has changed so much. She was such a sweet girl with a big heart but had begun to morph into a self-absorbed teen. Lonnie was still the same kind-hearted best friend. When I arrived in Auradon, I had a familiar face to help me. My cousin, Jordan. Daughter of the Genie. Everyone in that school was so nice that it hurt. My mother had raised me not to believe everything in front of me. But one particular thing or something changed that. A blonde boy with short curly hair and beautiful blue eyes had captured my attention. I still remember when our eyes had locked for the first time in the school courtyard. It was a whole new experience for me. I suddenly felt happy inside. Like a new found confidence in me was discovered. But my cousin Jordan advised me not to approach the boy. Chad Charming, son of Prince Charming and Cinderella. The most popular boy at Auradon Prep. Every girl would fawn over him endlessly. One day I had found a note from him on my lunch tray to meet him in the gardens. I swear we talked for hours about everything. We talked about our dreams, our experiences, our hopes. He made all my dreams happen. I wanted my first date to be at a carnival and he made that happen. I wanted something from the mall and he got it for me. I thought everything with him was just fine. Until that party. Ben had thrown a party for all his friends at Auradon Prep and Chad and I were there. Everyone was drinking except me. Imagine, prestigious kids of Royalty breaking illegal drinking laws. I didn’t know at the time but the punch was spiked heavily with Vodka. I never drank Vodka after that damn party. Jane, the headmistress, Fairy Godmother’s daughter had come to my dorm crying. She kept saying “I can’t take this anymore”. She had gave me the worst news of my life. She had seen Chad take me upstairs while I was drunk and touch me in explicit manners. Essentially, my boyfriend decided to rape me at my best friend’s party. I was sickened by that. And when my family pressed charges and got a restraining order on him, the case ended in a settlement. He didn’t even serve time. Because the judge was a family friend of the Charmings. I was devastated. I cried for weeks. I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. I just cried. Lonnie visited me every day while I was out of school. She had told me that Chad had moved on and was doing perfectly fine. I was miserable for all of Sophmore year.

By the way, my name is Adri Ababwa and I’m the world’s stupidest masterpiece. But you’ll see why later.

------------------------------------------------------------

“Adri,” My best friend, Ben called out.

My eyes widen, suddenly alarmed from my name being called.

“What’s up?” I say striding over to Ben’s side as he looks out the window of his parlor.

”I spoke with my parents about the proclamation,” Ben says.

I roll my eyes, realizing what’s about to happen.

”I told you your idea was stupid. Your dad would never let you bring Villain kids over-“

”They approved it,” Ben says, stopping me between my sentence.

My eyes widen in disbelief.

“Oh. Oh! I guess that’s good for you I guess,” I say nervously.

Ben takes both of my hands in his.

”Listen, I know things were rough for you last year, but this year we need change in this world. And I’m gonna be the one to establish that change,” Ben says.

”Even if that means bringing the daughters of Maleficent and the Evil Queen and the sons of Cruella de Vil and Jafar to Auradon Prep?” I ask nervously.

”What did I say about that?” Ben asks cheekily.

”They’re not their parents,” I reply in a mumble.

”Right,” Ben says, patting my shoulder. Ben opens his mouth to say something but hesitates.

”What?” I ask.

”That‘s why your going to be my advisor,” Ben says.

I take a step back.

”Your crazy but okay,” I giggle.

Ben chuckles softly and goes to the phone to ask his secretary if Audrey is on her way to the room for her Coronation fitting.

I walk through the door and wish Ben good luck.

As I stride down the hall, I hop onto my sticker filled skateboard and race down the halls. I greet the guards surrounding the castle and slide the down the handlebars of the stairs. I see Audrey and stop to walk the rest of the way.

”Adri! It’s a pleasure to see after so long. Out of your depression, I see,” Audrey says snarkily.

”Sure! I’m fine. And I see your makeup is looking as creased as ever,” I reply in the same fashion.

Audrey huffs and rolls her eyes.

I strut off.

”Fucking bitch,” I mutter to myself, hopping on my skateboard and skating back to my dorm.

As soon as I reach my dorm, Fairy Godmother is standing by my door.

“Can you please give me the board?” Fairy Godmother asks.

”Can’t have any fun around here, can I?” I ask, giving her my board for the fifth time this week

“Not for the first week of school. Remember we have-“

”Press coming in to report on the school, I know Jane told me,” I say at the same time as Fairy Godmother.

“Good. Then I’ll see you soon,” Fairy Godmother says dismissing herself.

I turn around and head for the courtyard where I spot Jordan under our gossip tree.

”What’s new, pinky-Lou?” I ask.

”Hey, cuz. Just doing some newspaper projects. I writing about the secret camera web series of our school and the new kids coming to the Isle,” Jordan says.

”Damn, news does travel fast,” I scoff.

”Ben posted an announcement a couple minutes ago,” Jordan says.

I roll my eyes in disbelief.

“What if one of them is cute? You gonna go for it?” Jordan asks cheekily.

”HELL NO. I am never making the same mistake of opening up to a person ever again,” I yell.

”It’s gonna happen...” Jordan says in a song-like manner.

”Shut the fuck up!” I say.

The night I sneak out of my dorm and go to the kitchens to get a snack for Roxie, my baby tiger.

”Insomnia?” A voice says behind me.

I’m startled by the voice and I turn to see Lonnie standing over the counter.

”Yes, you asshole,” I sigh.

Lonnie laughs silently.

”You know someone’s gonna find out that it’s you recording the videos at lunch,” I say.

”Stop it. That’s top secret,” Lonnie says.

”Who cares? Everyone knows that they’re asshole and dickheads anyways. And your very lucky that I haven’t ratted you out to Jordan. She’s persistent,” I say, grabbing some bacon from the fridge and putting it in a pan

”That’s for Roxie, right?” Lonnie asks.

”Maybe not,” I say.

Lonnie laughs and I take a piece of cooked bacon and put it in my mouth.

I hum softly at the taste.

”Hey. Don’t be afraid to talk to me sometimes. Especially after what I saw,” Lonnie says.

Ah. The thing. After some time in my self-quarantine of Sophmore year, I decided it was time for everything in my life to end. So, I grabbed some pills and I did something I regretted. Lonnie saved my life that day. That’s why I love her so much.

“I know, mama,” I say softly as I cook the rest of the bacon.

”You have no idea how much I care, Adri,” Lonnie says, hugging me from behind me.

”Thats probably why I love when you’re around,” I chuckle.

Lonnie lays her head on my shoulder.

”By the way I signed ya up for the welcoming comitee with Audrey,” Lonnie whispers.

”What!” I yell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later...

Someone starts banging heavily on my door. I open my eyes and the sound in my ears clears.

”ADRI! Wake up! Your late for the Vk’s welcoming,” Audrey screams from behind my door.

Maybe I should have stayed asleep. Damn you, Lonnie.

I put on this:

pin.it/5uiV7hV

And I walked out my door.

“Ben shouldn’t have made you his advisor if you were gonna sleep in,” Audrey says.

”I’m here aren’t I?” I reply.

”Shut up, let’s go,” Audrey says, grabbing my hand and dragging me down the stairs to the courtyard.

Oh god this is gonna be terrible.

Ben sees me and Audrey coming up next to him.

”What happened to you?” Ben asks.

”Slept in,” I mumble.

Ben chuckles and Audrey takes his arm.

”It’s fine by the way, it’s actually the first time in a while,” Ben says.

Fairy Godmother begins to greet everyone in the small group of band kids and cheerleaders until she reaches our trio.

”Ben, Audrey, Adri, how are you?” Fairy Godmother.

“Good,” We all say.

The limo pulls up and the band starts playing. The limo stops and two boys pop out fighting over a scarf.

My eyes glance towards to girls who come out of the other side of the car. One has short plum hair with a plum leather outfit to match. The other girl has long wavy blue hair with two crown braids at the front.

“Why do you want whatever this is?” One of the boys with gray hair says.

”Because you want it,” The other boy in a red beanie says.

Right off the bat you notice who’s who. And the boy in the beanie is definitely Jafar’s son.

“Leave it where you found it! And by that, just leave it.” Fairy Godmother says.

”Just cleaning up!” The boy with the red beanie says.

He puts the scarf back in the limo and his eyes immediately catch mine.

He catches me as I stare at his frame. His brown hair, his dark brown eyes, his muscular form and his leather outfit all catch me off guard.

His frown turns into a smirk and he strides towards me.

”Hello, foxy~ The name’s...Jay,” The boy introduces, attempting to flirt with me.

I laugh softly at his action.

”Your quite the catch aren’t you?” I remark with a smirk.

“Welcome to Auradon Prep,” Fairy Godmother says, stepping between us.

I whisper a little thank you to her and she nods.

”I’m Fairy Godmother, the headmistress,” She curtsies.

”As in, the Fairy Godmother? Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo?” The girl with plum hair asks.

”Bibbidi-Bobbidi, you know it,” Fairy Godmother says.

“Does she ramble like this much?” I ask Ben.

”All the damn time,” Ben says.

We snicker in unison.

Audrey nudges Ben.

”It’s so nice to meet you all. I’m Ben,” Ben introduces.

”Prince Ben. Soon to be King, right Bennyboo?” Audrey interjects.

I fake-vomit at the nickname and roll my eyes.

”You had me at Prince. My mom’s a queen so that makes me a princess,” The blue haired girl says, fawning over Ben.

”The Evil Queen has no Royal status here and neither do you,” Audrey smiles cheekily.

”Yes she does, otherwise Snow White would cease to be Royalty and she is her step-sister,” I comment with a smile.

Audrey raises a brow to stop me and I wink in the girl’s direction. She gives me a smile in return.

”This is Audrey. My-“

”Girlfriend. And future queen,” Audrey says.

”Last but not least, this is Adri. My advisor and my best friend,” Ben says.

”Your new wickedly cool best friend,” I say with a smirk.

”These three are going to show you all around and I’ll see all tomorrow. The doors of wisdom are never shut! Except library hours are 8:00 to 11:00 and you know I have a thing for curfew,” Fairy Godmother says, excusing herself.

”She tends to drag things out of proportion. Don’t mind her,” I say.

Ben chuckles and Audrey nudges his arm.

“It is so, so, so good to finally me... meet you all,” Ben starts as Jay hits his chest with a light punch.

“ This is a momentous occasion, and one that I hope will go down in history... Is that chocolate?” Shaking the gray haired boy’s hand that is covered in chocolate.

”As the day our two peoples began to heal,” Ben finishes.

“Or the day where you showed four peoples where the bathrooms are,” The plum haired girl says.

“A little over the top?” Ben asks her.

”More than a little,” She says.

”So much for my first impression,” Ben says awkwardly.

“You're Maleficent's daughter, aren't you? Yeah, you know what? I totally do not blame you for your mother trying to kill my parents and stuff. Oh, my mom's Aurora. Sleeping...“ Audrey starts.

”Beauty! Yeah I’ve heard the name. You know, I totally do not blame your grandparents for not inviting my mother to their stupid christening,” The girl responds.

”Water under the bridge!” Audrey fakes.

”Totes!” The girl replys in the same tone.

They laugh together pathetically.

“Jeez, can we get this over with?“ I scoff.

” OK. So how about a tour, yeah?“ Ben starts.

We start to move towards the front of the school.

“Auradon Prep was originally built 300 years ago before my father turned it into a high school when he was elected King,” Ben says, clapping his fingers to morph the statue.

The gray haired boy jumps into Jay’s arms.

”Carlos, it’s okay. My father made the statue to remind us that anything is possible,” Ben addresses.

I laugh at the boy’s banter. Jay sees this and drops Carlos to the floor. I can feel him lurking by me as we continue inside the school.

“ So do you guys have magic here? You know, like wands and stuff?” Mal asks.

“All that stuffs pretty much retired. Most of us are just ordinary mortals,” Ben says.

”Unlike me. I was cursed so...” I say clicking my tongue.

”And you happen to be kings and queens?“

“That’s true. Our royal blood goes back hundreds and hundreds of years,“ Audrey says, placing an arm around Ben.

”Doug,” Ben calls Dopey’s son down.

“Doug, will be showing you to your dorms. If you have any questions-“

”Ask Adri or Doug,” Audrey says, whisking him away.

“Um, hey guys. Hi, guys. I'm Dopey's son. As in Dopey, Doc, Bashful, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy, and... Heigh-ho.,” Doug starts, his eyes landing on the blue haired girl.

I take the clipboard from him and read their names.

”Mal Bertha. Evie Grimhilde. Carlos De Vil. Jay Farr,” I read to myself.

I interrupt Doug as he talks about classes.

”I’ll be showing you to your dorms,” I say, walking up one staircase.

”Guys, it’s actually this way,” Doug points towards me as the go in the wrong direction.

They follow me until we stop at their dorm rooms.

”Boys, you have the larger dorm here,” I point.

”Sweet!” Carlos says, hopping inside.

”What’s in it?” Jay asks, me

”Two full size beds, a flat screen tv, mini fridge, 3D printer, gaming console, a bathroom for two, fireplace, and double closet,” I say off the top of my head.

”Thank god, that’s enough to keep them busy for hours,” Mal says.

Me and the girls turn away from their room but someone places a hand on my shoulder.

”Hey, can we talk after?” Jay asks.

”Why?” I ask, raising a brow.

Jay gives me a pleading looks and I roll my eyes, walking away.

”Girls, this is your dorm. With roughly the same things as the boys except a bigger closet and bathroom and no gaming console,” I say.

”This room needs more-“

”Purple? I supposed you would agree. Love your outfit by the way,” I compliment.

”You don’t look to horrible yourself,” Mal smirks.

”I made it by the way,” Evie adds.

“Fashion Designer, huh? You could make some bank with that,” I comment.

Evie smiles.

”If you need anything, I’m the first door down the hall,” I say.

I close the door to the girls dorm and turn to see someone completely unexpected. My smile turns into a frown as I see Chad Charming at the end of the hall. As I try and stride down the hall to Jay and Carlos’s room, his gaze meets mine.

”Well, well. Look who it is. Little miss court case,” Chad says, his lips curving into a smirk.

”Your lucky my restraining order is expired, Charming,” I snark as he draws near to me.

”You know, you’re lucky Ben and Lonnie are friends with you. Otherwise, everyone here wouldn’t give a damn about your little charity case,” Chad says cockily, running a hand through my hair.

My body tenses and my teeth clench as he touches my hair.

“Don’t do that,” I say through my clenched jaw.

”Or what?” Chad says, pinning me against the wall. His frame towering over me.

”You gonna sue me again just so that I could give your pathetic ass more money?” Chad asks.

”Get your fucking hands off of her,” A voice says from behind Chad.

I look over Chad’s shoulder to see Jay standing behind him with a scowl on his face.

I can practically feel my eyes change shape, pleading to Jay to help me.

Chad gets off of me and walks towards Jay confronting him.

”Is that a threat?” Chad asks.

”You gonna punch me if it is, Princey? You know, you probably shouldn’t mess with someone you barely know. I’m sure it’ll have serious consequences,” Jay growls.

Chad backs off, intimidated by Jay.

”Whatever, man,” Chad scoffs, taming a step back.

He turns to me, his smirk returning.

”I’ll see you later, babe,” Chad says, winking at me.

He walks away and I can practically feel the tears coming to my eyes.

”Who the hell does he think he is?” Jay scoffs.

My legs start to move down the hall, trying to get away.

”Hey! Where are you going?” Jay calls behind me.

”Leave me alone!” I choke.

Jay’s footsteps chase after me and he grabs my wrist.

”Stay out of my business and leave me the hell alone,” I say in a serious tone.

”What was that about though? And why do you look like your about to cry in any second?” Jay asks deliberately.

I growl under my breath.

”Because he’s my abusive ex-boyfriend who raped me while I was blacked out at Ben’s party! And now everyone pities the hell out of me and treats me like a child because I tried to commit suicide. Is that what you’re so desperate to get out of me?” I yell.

Jay is taken aback by my words. His brown eyes widen as he looks at me. Searching through my eyes and seeing the pain in them.

”Shit, I’m so sorry. Look, I will never ever do that to you ever again,” Jay says, concerned by my action.

”Listen, don’t make promises you know you can’t keep,” I say.

Jay turns to leave but I grab his wrist.

”You forgot you tell me what you wanted to speak about,” I say with a smirk.

Jay scratches his neck nervously.

”Sorry. I was just so concerned about the way that guy was talking to you that I didn’t even realize,” Jay explains.

I chuckle lightly at his concern. How is he so chill after that? After I just yelled at him?

“I was just wondering if I could learn a little more about you. I mean-since we know a little bit about Ben and Audrey so,” Jay says.

I giggle lightly at his question. Then I hesitate, remembering this is the son of my parent’s enemy. But suddenly, my new found confidence tells me “Fuck it”.

”Well, I’ve lived in Auradon for 3 years. I like Art a lot. And um, I’m the daughter of Aladdin and Jasmine,” I say shyly.

Jay erupts in a light chuckle. My brows furrow at his actions.

”Did I say something wrong?” I ask.

”No, but that does explain everything,” Jay says with a smirk.

”Explain what exactly?” I ask, confused by his action.

”The comebacks, the way you roll your eyes, the outfit, and the way you act around danger. You have that “I really don’t give and shit sometimes attitude”. I’m assuming it’s family trait,” Jay laughs.

I roll my eyes at his banter.

”Sure, dipshit. And you know wanna know what gives you away?” I ask cheekily.

”What?” Jay says, playing along.

”The fact that you prance around me, eyeing me just like your father did to my mother when she was my age,” I say with a smirk.

His eyes widen, catching him off guard.

”And I promise you, your little concerned or flirtatious act isn’t gonna always cut it with me, pretty boy,” I say, tapping his shoulder and turning to leave.

I look behind me and see him smirk behind me as I walk to my dorm.

That boy is gonna keep trying to win me over. And I’m in for the long game...

[pokemagines]

takumi, gaius, henry, robin, & soren + summoner using their confession lines

anon asked: “I absolutely love this blog I'm so glad I found it!!! If at all possible can I have a summoner that has played the games using a characters confession line against them? Like with Takumi, Gaius, Henry, and any others that you like? Oh and what if the summoner creates ones for the characters who don’t have one like Grima/Robin, Alphonse, Corrin, Ect.”

a/n: y’all i am So Tired.... work is really Like That huh? OH and i got a kitten too recently!! we names her loki bc she’s v mischievous lmao --mod touko

also: i was rereading takumi’s confession line for this and i SCREAMED the japanese version he literally calls u sister i’m!!!! that is NOT okay sdkjhgfkfgjls

takumi: 

you’ve known about his crush on you for the longest time, as it’s not really subtle. he always gets flustered whenever you get near him, yelling something about you distracting him in order to try and get you to not be so close to him. (it’s embarrassing to him for you to see him all flustered).

so, you decide to confess to him first, but, not knowing what to say, you decide to tease him a bit and use words you know he’s said to corrin in another lifetime. you grab both his hands, making him look you in the eyes while you say it.    + “if you were aiming for my heart, you’ve struck true... this was meant to be...”

takumi is quiet for a moment, before laughing. you’re confused, wondering if this is him rejecting you (even though you were sure he liked you... could you have been wrong?)     + “i’m sorry but that was kind of cheesy!” he says inbetween laughs, “is this how people confess in your world?” you just kind of... blank out and don’t have the heart to tell him that that is in fact his own line.       “you’re such a jerk takumi!” you jest, lightly punching him in the ribs. he ruffles your your hair, smirking down at you.      “yeah, but i’m your jerk.”      “oh c’mon that was worse than y- i mean, my line!”

gaius:

gaius aka “i have the cheesiest confession line ever” took a while to warm up to you (he’s very skeptical about forging bonds with people). he’s not the best in battle, but he is good at sneaking behind enemy lines and collecting intel for you, which is how the two of you became close. he even gave you a nickname -- “honey” because of your love of the sweet candies he makes. (it’s been misinterpreted by people many times).

one day, the two of you are talking about the worst romantic experiences you’ve ever had -- gaius’s was where he once thought frederick was into him because he wouldn’t stop following him around and staring at him, turns out the knight just thought he was going to break into the royal treasury.     + “well, once this guy confessed his love to me by saying “baby you’re a river of chocolate in an ocean of cream... i’m going to steal your heart on a daily basis.”      “...what’s wrong with that? it’s kind of sweet, i guess?”      “gaius what the heck that’s literally the cheesiest line in the entire world... seriously, you couldn’t have thought up anything... sweeter than that?”      “wait, what do you mean by “you”... did i say that when i was drunk or something???”

after you let that slip and explain to gaius that fire emblem is a game in your world he promises to write you up something 100x better than game gaius could ever think of. you highly doubt it. 

henry:

henry seems to have taken a liking to you as you both quickly bonded over the sharing of very fatalistic humor (which some of the other heroes found very odd but they were too afraid of henry to point it out). the two of you had a mutual crush on each other, and you thought of no better way to confess than using his own words -- plus, it’d be funny to see his reaction.

you have the perfect opportunity when you see henry outside by himself, talking to a group of ravens. the raven stare menacingly at you as you get closer to the white-haired boy, but you don’t feel unnerved until he actual stands up and smiles at you, then you know what you have to do.    + “henry... i’ve been meaning to tell you something all day.” you nervously shift your weight from left to right. taking a deep breath, you swallow your pride and grab his hands, forcing yourself to look into his deep brown eyes. “i’ll love you with every ounce of my blood until i die...” silence. then you hear henry make a tut noise.       “aw rats! i was going to say that exact thing to you!” you see him pout, but you doubt he means it. “are you a psychic or something? c’mon tell me! if we’re gonna be together til death do us part, i’ve gotta know all your secrets... even the gross ones!”       “yes henry. i can read your mind. everyone in my world has a superpower, you know.” you joke, knowing he’ll take the bait.      “no way!! that is so cool! alright can you read my mind now?”      “you’re thinking that if you could have a superpower it would be necromancy, am i right?” he looks at you in awe.      “no way! no way! ooh, can we go read other people’s minds now! we can find out all their dark secrets... you’re really something special, babe!”

robin:

robin always offered to help you out with tactics. even when she was first summoned, she’d be by your side, helping you draw up routes and giving you advice on how to win the battle while also keeping everyone alive. 

it didn’t take long for you to fall for her, hard. she was the full package: smart, sassy, gorgeous beyond belief... everything about her drew you in more, until one day you couldn’t take bottling up your feelings anymore, and you decide to tell her.     + “ah! summoner, just the girl/guy i wanted to see! i was wondering if you wanted to eat lunch with me? there’s this really pretty grove of flowers i saw outside and i was wondering if you wanted to see them with me?” she’s not wearing her thick tactician cloak and you can see just how beautiful she really is, dark skin, freckles littered all over her shoulders... she’s breathtaking. you feel your head start to spin. “...if you don’t want to do that we could always--”      “no! i-i’d love too! i just have to tell you something first...” she nods, insisting for you to go on, and you take a deep breath: “hm... it seems i’ve found myself in a situation where i must admit defeat. very well, my heart is yours.” robin flushes a bit at your odd confession, before laughing quietly to herself.      “i’m sorry, for a moment there i thought you were another version of me!” she puts a hand on your shoulder, “not the way i saw this going, but it was cute!” she leans up and pecks you on the cheek. “so, you want to get some lunch with me, dear?” the way she says the word makes you melt, and you can only answer with a quiet.      “mhm.”

soren: 

soren and you have a rivalry of sorts, that started from the moment alfonse chose your plan over his. he sees you as a much inferior tactician, as he’s been studying his whole life and you’ve been studying for... well, as long as you’ve been in askr. he sees you as a hack running off luck.

it’s not until he goes to return a book late at night and sees you studying, eyes bloodshot and hardly able to stay awake that he realizes how hard you’re trying. he swallows his pride and sits down, asking about how you manage to come up with strategies despite having little to no knowledge on how the battlefield works. you perk up (as best as you can) and tell him how you come up with your strategies. he listens, and finds you not as insufferable as he once thought... maybe...

you know he has feelings for you. it’s evident how he sticks by your side, despite saying biting words towards you at times, he slowly but surely starts opening up to you. even ike (dense as he can be) seems to take notice, and teases his strategist about it.

of course, you know he won’t be the first one to confess because of how much of a tsundere he can be, so you take it into your own hands to tell him how you feel.    + “if you’ve come to pester me again, i’m busy.” he says curtly, but still moves over to where there was enough room for you to sit down. soren doesn’t look at you, but you can see a slight blush creep up on his cheeks.       “riiiiiight. so i’m guessing these week-old maps are keeping you busy? wait, is that a drawing of me in the corner?” he flusters immediately, ripping up the maps into little pieces. you chuckle, and he hisses, glaring at you as if to dare you to mention it again. you sit beside him on his work bench. “i came for a much different reason, i have to tell you how i feel--”      “why should i care about your feelings?      “because i like you. a lot.”      “just as you have to like everyone in the army. if that is all you can go now.” you would never have feelings for him, right?      “no, gods soren... do you want me to put it in words you can understand?” you put on your best impression of soren’s voice. “how did you do it? you’ve somehow... sorry, i should try and be nice since i-- i like you, okay? don’t make me say it again.” you giggle, “that’s how i think you would confess to someone, anyways.” you look at soren who’s completely flushed. he’s never had someone who liked him romantically before, heck, he’s only had one friend his whole life! what was he supposed to say?      “i guess the feeling is mutual.” he pouts, composing himself, “but that impression of me was gods-awful.”      “now that we’re dating, get used to hearing bad impressions alllllll day.” you link your pinky in his, and wink at him.      “now wait a minute!”

[cult-of-kai]

The Sword of Swift Justice

Thoughts on episode eight, ‘Winter of Our Discontent’:

This episode was like the ghost of predictions past for me…

The promo picture called Cheyenne Jackson’s character ‘Dr. Rudy Vincent’, but his name in the show is Dr. Vincent Anderson. Surely this was done to preserve the surprise reveal. Right away, we find out that Vincent is innocent of all but being a lousy shrink. But even then- wait. Is he a lousy shrink? He’s exasperated by Ally, to be sure- but so were we. So was Ivy, for all that she had other issues as well. Rosie, beaming, said that Vincent cured her and he responded by praising the work she’d put in. I thought he had to be loading Kai up on Adderall if nothing else, but nope. Kai steals prescription pads from him. Vincent’s eventual fate stings because it comes right when he’s trying to atone for mistakes he is just realizing he made. I reasoned early on that Vincent might not actually be involved in the cult, but I kind of assumed I was overthinking the whole thing. Nope again. Although… there was something a little creepy about the description of “pinky power” (which sounds even sillier than pinky promise), in my opinion. At any rate- RIP, Vincent.

I guess Bebe Babbitt… went missing? I don’t know, but the ladies of the cult are still pissed about being pushed aside. It’s gotten worse, actually, because now they’re stuck cooking for and serving Kai’s army of blueshirt drones. Ivy mentions The Handmaid’s Tale, which I’ll get back to later, and Beverly relates how Kai is manipulating the city council into going along with his decisions. The bit about the gated community is decent class-war commentary. Then it’s time for story time with Winter.

How did Kai-That-Was become the Kai we know? I think it was after the trailer’s release that I called Kai a manipulative whackjob with a messiah complex. But then back in ‘11/9′, we were given the impression of relative- if perhaps dreary- normalcy until Ms. Anderson commits a murder-suicide. This definitely effects him. A mutual of mine (@loonyloomis) pointed out that this was when Kai stopped cutting his hair- Adam Sheppard tease!- and he later gets into peddling fraudulent prescriptions. But he seems to bounce back for the most part, despite living in a house with two rotting corpses. Then the two younger Anderson siblings go to Judgment House on a lark, which Winter presents as the defining turning point in Kai’s life. Symbolically, it makes sense. In a twisted parody of a church, a horror *house of judgment*, Kai is stripped down to his essence- and found wanting. His first instinct upon realizing that Pastor Charles is torturing and killing people is to rescue them, which he does while Winter runs to save herself. This is Kai at his most genuinely heroic. He saved four people, including Winter, from terrible torment and death- not to mention any other victims Pastor Charles would have found. Now just take a minute to imagine how differently things might have gone if Kai had done as the female victim suggested and called the police. But he didn’t, because the better angel of his nature fails. Instead of shining a light on a great evil, he becomes it. He denies Pastor Charles’ victims the justice they choose to do as Winter suggests and kills him, becoming a killer. This- not his parents’ death- is the crack in Kai’s soul, the fissure in his mind. Everything since has been psychodramatic fallout and Kai bringing others down with him. He’s trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he’s on the rise when he is in free-fall.

I’m not sure how prevalent they are overall, but (fake!) Judgment Houses do definitely exist in the South. I specifically remember going to one that was split between heaven and hell. Everyone kept wandering back to hell because the heaven side- white sheets with scripture written all over them- was boring. Parts of Judgment House reminded me of ‘Se7en’, specifically Sloth. That’s undoubtedly deliberate, especially since Winter already name-dropped Fincher last episode. And randomly, AHS co-creator Brad Falchuk dates Gwyneth Paltrow. Others have mentioned similarities to the ‘Saw’ series, but I’ve never seen any of those. Rick Springfield was fine, but Pastor Charles would have been a nice little role for Denis O’Hare.

Anyway. Winter wants to try to reach Kai, because she believes that can happen. They’re all members of a murderous clown cult, but what do I know? Ivy and Beverly agree to give her some time. Winter and Kai meet, and we learn that Kai definitely knows how Harrison died and doesn’t care. They do a pinky power session and shit gets strange fast. Kai has decided, apropos of nothing, that they need to have a messiah baby. And for whatever reason, Winter has to be its mother. Logically, one’s mind goes to incest. But no- it’s going to be so much weirder than that! Kai says they’re going to have a threesome with Detective Samuels but somehow Winter will remain pure. At first I thought maybe Kai was just looking for an excuse to have sex with Samuels, but later events in the episode turned that idea on its head. Winter eventually calls the whole thing off because it gets to be too much nonsense for her. (I mean, it wasn’t until then?) Between the robes and the song and the behavior of all involved, it was undoubtedly one of the most bizarre AHS scenes ever- cringy as hell, but also hysterical and… oddly fitting in a satirical way? In the popular imagination and in reality (to a lesser degree), cult practices are often oddly sexual, cobbled together, and perversions of religious rituals. Kai has a degree in religious studies. Is he trying to sanctify what he and the cult are doing? His opening salvo during pinky power might lead us to believe he’s simply testing Winter, but I don’t know. The whole scenario also evokes ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, a modern classic about women’s disenfranchisement via reproductive slavery.

As for Winter, what’s her deal? Why was she trolling “social justice warriors” with Kai? Sibling bonding? She seemed to be enjoying it. Was she perhaps also changed by Judgment House? Was her response to the trauma a hard left turn? But she swears to love and be loyal to her brother, who is politically on the opposite shore. In ‘11/9′, she told Ivy she wants to serve someone powerful. It’s all rather baffling. Regardless, Winter wearing a dunce cap and throwing recycling on the side of the road because Kai “doesn’t believe in global warming” is one of the funniest damn things I’ve seen all season. The following confrontation between her and Samuels- especially the line about losing when Hillary did- might suggest she would get more radical and truly join forces with the other women, but that’s not what happens. Instead, she… sells Beverly out? What? In turn, Beverly reads both Kai and Winter for filth.

We *finally* get a little backstory on Samuels, which I’ve been waiting for despite not caring about the character. I suspected he was a Nazi type way back in ‘Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark’, and I was right. He was also a dirty cop pre-cult, although it’s a little rich for Winter to accuse him of being a criminal when- once again- they’re both members of a *murderous clown cult*. He life is complicated by being gay and internalizing homophobia. Kai sees this and immediately goes to work, feeding Samuels a line of misogynistic bullshit and then fucking him for good measure. Kai seems particularly into it as well, which is interesting. I rather wonder how Evan would describe his character’s sexuality. So did Samuels just not care about Harrison at all? It didn’t seem like their involvement was only physical. I specifically remember them cuddling on the couch and discussing their favorite housewives. Eh. RIP, Samuels.

Finally, we have Ally to consider. We see her holding one of Oz’s toy trucks before inviting Kai over to rat Vincent out. She claims to be afraid of nothing now, and that’s after Kai has already noted a change in her. Their little exchange about Manwich is cute, as is her deliberately calling Speed Wagon ‘Aerosmith’. (Seriously, where did the drones’ names come from?) In the final scene, we see that that some drones have taken to wearing the masks of fallen clowns. Ally, staring Ivy down, is wearing the mask of Kai’s former “favorite”- the only one who impressed him. That’s no coincidence. Rise, Ally.