#pierre kirilovich

[bumbling-a-bee]

Is this how I die💀?

Ridiculed😂 and laughed🤣 at

Wearing clown🤡 shoes👞

Is this how I die👻?

Furious😠 and reckless🤪

Sick🤢 with booze🥃

How did I live🧍‍♂️?

I taste😋 every wasted🗑️ minute⏱️

Every time🕢 I turned↩️ away

From the things that might🤷‍♀️ have healed🩹 me

How long⏰ have I been sleeping😴?

Is this how I die⚰️?

Frightened😨 like a child👶

Lazy😒 and numb🥶

Is this how I die☠️?

Pretending🎭 and preposterous😤

And dumb🤐

How did I live🥺?

Was I kind🧎‍♀️ enough and good😇 enough?

Did I love❤️ enough?

Did I ever look up⬆️ and see the moon🌝 and the stars✨ and the sky🌌?

Oh, why😫 have I been sleeping🛌?

They say🤫 we are asleep🥱 until we fall🍂 in love👨‍❤️‍👨

We are children🧒 of dust and ashes⚱️

But when we fall🌠 in love👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 we wake up🤸

And we are a god⛪ and angels👼 weep😭

But if I die💀 here tonight🌙

I die👻 in my sleep😴

All of my life🧬 I spent searching🔎 the words📖 of poets🖊️ and saints🙏 and prophets🗣️ and kings🤴

Now at the end🔚 all I know🤯 that I've learned🤓 is that all that I know is I don't🙅‍♂️ know a thing🤥

So easy to close🚪 off

Place the blame outside🌄

Hiding🙈 in my room🛋️ at night🌜

So terrified😬

All the things🤺 I could've been👨‍🏫

But I never😔 had the nerve😢

Life🛐 and love💟, I don't deserve🚫

So alright🙋‍♂️!

Alright🧍‍♂️!

I've had my time🕰️

Close😌 my eyes👀

Let the death☠️ bells🔔 chime!

Bury⚰️ me in burgundy🟥

I just don't care💁‍♀️!

Nothing's left☹️

I looked👀 everywhere!

Is this how I die👻?

Was there👉 ever any other way🛣️ my life could be🤔?

Is this how I die💀?

Such a slough of feelings🥴 inside of me

But then why🤷‍♀️ am I screaming🗣️?

Why am I shaking😵?

Oh god💒, was there something🤔 that I missed🔍?

Did I squander💸 my divinity😇?

Was happiness😊 within me💁‍♀️ the whole time⌛?

They say🤭 we are asleep🥱 until we fall🍃 in love👰

We are children👧 of dust🌪️ and ashes🌬️

But when we fall☄️ in love💕 we wake up☝️

And we are a god🧚‍♀️ and angles🕊️ weep😢

But if I die💀 here tonight🌝

I die☠️ in my sleep🛌

They say we are asleep💤 until we fall☄️ in love💗

And I'm so ready😼

To wake🥱 up now

I wanna wake😃 up

Don't❌ let me die☠️ while I'm like this😰

I wanna wake up🆙

God😇, don't let me die👻 while I'm like this😠

Please🥺 let me wake😪 up now

God👤, don't let me die💀 while I'm like this

I'm ready☑️

I'm ready😁

To wake up⬆️

[shotbyafool]

Great Comet lyrics which will eternally cause me to fall to my knees:

I used to be better, I used to be better, I used to be better (x2)

I'm different from you, I'm different from you, I still want to do something -- Or do you struggle too? I pity you, I pity me, I pity you

I love him, I know him

BOLKONSKY: I can hurt you, MARY & BOLKONSKY: I can hurt you, MARY: But I never, ever, ever, ever would

Oh God, I'm frightened, Oh God, I've aged so very much

I disgust myself

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

And your childlike eyes, and your distant smile, I'll never be this happy again

We've done this all before, we were angels once; don't you remember?

Maybe he'll come today, maybe he came already, and he's sitting in the drawing room... and I simply forgot

PIERRE: How dare you touch her?, DOLOKHOV: You can't love her

Oh my mother, my angel, my adored angel mother

Sleep it off, and be happy; we live to love another day

Did I ever look up and see the moon, and the stars, and the sky? Oh, why have I been sleeping?

They say we are asleep until we fall in love, we are children of dust and ashes, but when we fall in love we wake up, and we are a God and angels weep; but if I die here tonight, I die in my sleep

But then why am I screaming? Why am I shaking? Oh God, is there something that I missed? Did I squander my divinity? Was happiness within me the whole time?

I will stand in the dark for you, I will hold you back by force

No, I am well. There's a war going on

PIERRE: You told me once a fallen woman should be forgiven, ANDREI: But I didn't say that I could forgive; I can't

NATASHA: Peter Kirilovich... PIERRE: Pierre

If I were not myself, but the brightest, handsomest, best man on earth, and if I were free, I would get on my knees this instant and ask you for your hand. And for your love.

And glancing at Pierre... oh, Pierre...

Mankind seems so pitiful, so poor, compared to that softened, grateful last glance she gave me through her tears

The comet said to portent untold horrors and the end of the world, but for me, the comet brings no fear; no, I gaze joyfully

[roboticsorcerer]

"Bury me in Burgundy, I just don't care."

[dechagnys]

do you ever just

[streddietozier]

omg why does Pierre & Natasha make me cry so much

[darlingnova-draws]

Oh, Pierre

[and---kaylee-ilwl]

Pierre: Can you tuck me in?

Natasha: ??? You handed me a shovel.

Pierre: Yeah, just spread the dirt over me as evenly as you can. Thanks.

Credits to @a-court-of-feels-and-ships for the textpost.

[dilfsisko]

No but “Pyotr Kirilovich.” “Pierre…” is going to be on my mind all fucking night

[mythoughtsucantdecode]

there is nothing more heartbreakingly pure or innocent than natasha singing "peter kirilovich"

[dcarhcarts]

@madeinhistory / continued from (x)

“Is it not true, mon cher Comte?” False innocence sparkles in dark eyes, red lips carved into the shape of a smile as she turns from her vanity to regard him. The irony of the situation strikes her as rather amusing and she leans chin into hands with an air of vague mockery. “Do you not feel the weight of your name, Pyotr Kirilovich?”

It had not been her idea, but husband and wife, especially if they were Count and Countess Bezukhov, had to be seen in each other’s society. And so - they’re off to the opera. Irritating but necessary, to spend an evening with Pierre, who is amusing and tiresome in equal measures - she has never met a man of quite so many contradictions - charming in his pitiful way and tedious at once. Still - Helene doesn’t quite believe it will be all misery - not for her anyway. The show is entertaining enough, and she has never had any trouble keeping up appearances - Pierre, on the other hand.

“ -You know, I do believe I’m rather disappointed.” Conversationally, she begins again, as she turns back to her reflection in the mirror, throwing pins lazily into dark hair so that curls fell wild and loose at the nape of her neck. “At least you admitted these things to yourself, when you were a bastard. Well - I suppose I ought to thank you.” Conspiratory smile touches lips as she rises to her feet, leans forward quite pointedly as if to let him in on a great secret. “You see, women of action, on the other hand - the higher they stand in society, the more freedom they’re afforded.” She offers him a wink - and her hand. “To protect their husbands’ pride, of course.”

[talesandfluff]

“Pierre old friend, we need your help, Pierre old friend, the family name, we need your help, we need your help, there’s ruin at the door!”

Pyotr Kirilovich Bezukhov is gonna help

Marya Dmitrievna Akhrosimova restore the honor of

Natalya Ilyinichna Rostova.

Literally none of the characters involved in this situation share any family or paternal name, what on earth is Marya D going on about, why is she appealing to family loyalties when there are obviously none involved here

[laguerreetlapaix]

Things in The Great Comet Cast Recordings That Make Me Squeal

-RAHZ DVA TRI (in Moscow) (I fucking love josh groban)

-Denée’s ‘Maaarya’ is so lovely sounding

-Brittain’s squeak!!

-When Natasha and Sonya say each other’s names joking around

-The very end of Private and Intimate Life of the House, Gelsey sounds so sad and beautiful

-‘You and I, You and II, You and IIIIIII!’

-Anatole’s entrance in The Opera

-‘Ce sont les jolies femmes’ THIS PART IS SO FUNNY TO ME

-‘Drink, drink, gonna drink tonight’

-‘RAHZ DVA TRI. DRINK WITH ME MY LOVE’ have you EVER been More Hyped

-‘Here’s to the health of married women, and their lovers!’ Nick Choksi can choksi me

-‘All of my life I spent searching the words-‘ this section gets me

-‘But then why am I screaming?’ This section hurts me

-The way Amber says ‘country’ on the original cast recording fucks me up

-Also the HYPE of Charming, that ‘Oh, oh, how she blushes!’ Dave put it best

-The way Denée says ‘eccossaise’

-THE WHOLE ENSEMBLE SINGING THE CHORUS IN LETTERS

-Brittain’s ‘But you haven’t refused him, or have you?’

-‘I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, YOU’RE MY ENEMY FOREVER!’

-‘Andrey’s wiiife’

-‘That piece of music right before ‘oh ma chère’ in Preparations

-‘Who’s that slowpoke, we abuse with wild and tipsy shooouuts’

-PIERRE’S PART IN THE ABDUCTION O SHIT

-Pretty much all of In My House, but especially the end !

-‘ANATOLE KURAGIN!!’

-‘FOR PETERSBUUUURG!’ (Who does lucas steele think he is?)

-Denée’s ‘Pytor Kirilovich’ has me in tears

-‘The greatest sense of pity, tenderness and love, overflowed Pierre’s heart’

-‘If I were not myself, but the brightest, handsomest, best man on earth. And if I were free— I would get down on my knees this minute, and ask you for your hand and for your love’ WHY AM I CRYING IN THE CLUB

-And literally everything that follows that, but especially ‘Oh, oh Pierre’ and ‘Restraining tears of tenderness’ ‘Outside, my great broad chest, breathing deep the air, with joy’

-The ensemble in The Great Comet of 1812 sound ethereal, I love it so much

-The last verse of the song fills me with so much hope and it’s beautiful. Side note, I cried when I read these lines in war and peace

Please add more!

[shotbyafool]

anna you’re so right it really is all about the names what the fuck i’ve always wondered why natasha’s “peter kerilovich” in pierre & natasha makes me die

anon I know. I know. like there is already the idea of Natasha using the more formal title when speaking to Pierre because she believes she’s no longer worthy of the more intimate forms post-her failed elopement, but also like, Natasha is well aware of Pierre’s attachment to Andrei and likely switches to the formal form for the BOTH of them in “Pierre & Natasha” because she sees herself as having betrayed Andrei and then in turn deems it inappropriate to use the intimate name for Andrei’s closest friend. (she even goes full formal for Andrei by calling him “Prince Bolkonsky”... like... the assumed coldness and distance she puts on so quickly makes my heart break a little)

and then again it hurts Pierre so much to hear her call him “Peter Kirilovich” right then because he’s known her since she was a young girl and this is 1) the formal name that he was called before his father acknowledged him as his heir, thus what Natasha called him when she was a child and 2) an assumption of more formality than he seems to be expecting in this moment. sort of still shows her youth, in it being his “outdated” title! and like here he has been, defending Natasha to the two men who claimed to have loved her, collecting her letters for her so she can maintain her honor, and she speaks to him like an acquaintance. again it’s all because of this quiet sort of brewing and unknown tenderness for Natasha that Pierre is coming to terms with during the last, like, four songs of Great Comet. but seriously. it’s about the names

[johnlarens]

my great comet experience (act ii + stagedoor)

so here’s part two of my great comet experience! and here is part one: (before the show + act i + intermission)

LETTERS: - this song is such a headbanger - during the first couple lines, Pierre is at his desk writing a letter - “for I have been studying the Kabal-” and when he knocks on a book, dust flies everywhere - Mary is so desperate for Natasha to come back and be her friend :-( she just wants a friend - “So alone in here,” Scott and Denée’s duet with this line…….. - when Anatole is begging for Natasha to say yes to his proposal, he’s on his knees directing her gaze to him when she tried to look away - “Just say:: yes” ANSKDBDKDBDK Lucas is hilarious what tbrfuvk!! He held out the “ye-” part forEVER and just quickly ended it with the “s” - and when Natasha finally says ‘yes’ to Anatole’s proposal, Anatole does a ‘yes’ motion with his arm he’s so happy sndkfbflg that little soggy crocodile - towards the end of the song, Natasha has Anatole’s letter in her hand as she’s asleep on the ground, and Sonya comes along and swipes it up

SONYA AND NATASHA - Sonya is hiding Anatole’s letter behind her back and she looks so nervous and guilty like…baby please….. - Sonya’s face reeked with concern and shock when Natasha said that she’d do anything for Anatole - sonya (i feel) beats herself up so much for letting Natasha and Anatole’s relationship get this far - She just wants to protect her cousin from the (potential?) backlash and harm that could come her way for being unfaithful to Andrey - “I hate you, Sonya!”

SONYA ALONE - Brittain Ashford has such a beautiful voice and she nails Sonya tbh - throughout the whole song, Sonya and Natasha are on opposite ends of the stage. The spotlight is shining on Sonya the whole time, but the light bulbs that hang low are just barely illuminating Natasha - also, Sonya never takes her eyes off of Natasha

PREPARATIONS - “Ah, Anatole, where are you off to?” The way Anatole looks at Pierre- with the utmost surprised look- it reminded me of when a child is caught trying to sneak out by their parent - “you will not be seeing me for some time” and Anatole gives the audience the BIGGEST SMIRK - Before he heads off, Anatole changes into a black, short, leather(?) vest and check himself out in the mirror - “Ah, that’s a true sage, living in the moment. What I wouldn’t give to be like him.” - I love Dolokov - When Dolokov is trying to change Anatole’s mind, he’s grabbed him by the back of the neck and hair and pulled him back before letting him go

BALAGA - like I said before….I love Balaga - so I was sitting on the left side of the stage and on my side there were two ensemble men making out - And on the right side Hélène and Marya are making out and my soul ascended, it was amazing - Anatole’s green coat is so glorious

THE ABDUCTION - okay what the FUCJ - they all g SO. FUCKING. HARD. - THEY’RE ALL MOVING AROUND AND JUMPING AND THE LIGHTS ARE AMAZING AND THEY’RE SWINGING AND FUCCH J - I love Anatole’s green coat - SCOTT HE B E L T S HIS “wwWWOOOOOAAAAAHHHhhh”

- he tried to start up again and was like 'nope!’ and giggled and took a few more breaths before starting for real 

- abskdbfkf his face is so red from belting his woah and the next few lines and just from moving around so much - ANSKDBDK AND ANATOLE!!!!!!!!!! when he tells everyone to wait and shut the door AND THAT DOOR SLAMS SHUT - everyone rushes to sit down WHEN Anatole says so, and he squeezes next to this woman who is SO embarrassed!! - and then he starts talking to her (“yes, that’s the way. It’s a Russian custom”) - he stretches and slings his arm around her shoulders; and after he says “alright” he gives her a kiss on the cheek before heading off!! - at least until Dolokov interrupts about the fur cloak - THEN COMES HOMEBOY BALAGA - and oh my. Goddddddd!!!!! When Grace McLean emerges from the door with all that RED AND FUCKING GGOES “you will nOT EN TER MYYY HoOusSSe S C O U NDRELL!!!” - As Anatole is running off Natasha is in the corner looking terrified that she (or Anatole rather??) had been caught trying to elope

IN MY HOUSE - I want Grace McLean to yell at me - I also want her to win a tony - Natasha was covering her ears for a good few lines as Marya scolded her - Marya looks more shocked than angry when Natasha snaps at her - “Let her sleep!” Sonya practically flinches away from Natasha with the world’s most concerned face, as she slowly backed away

A CALL TO PIERRE - so homeboy Pierre looks like he’s passed out drunk, when his servant enters the room - And the servant!!! Oh my god akdbdkd so as he’s presenting the letter to Pierre, he’s rolling his wrist, waving the letter towards Pierre, urging him tit and it - And when he finally does, his face looks so confused?? - When Marya greets Pierre she’s happy to see him (but not under the circumstances) - When she asks where he’s been Pierre tousled his hair (nervously??) when he responds - And oh my oh man oh m a n!!!!!!!!! Pierre’s “what’s” get more and more intense and then after Marya’s “Natasha and aAANA tOLD KKUUURAAGIN” - “WHHAAAT!!!!!” I LOVED SCOTT OKAY HE WAS AN AMAZING PIERRE WHAT THE FUCKING - HE WAS FURIOUS MY GGOD I BUST THE NUTTIES OF NUTS - Marya’s face is so frightened and ANGRY GOD THEY ALL WANT TO BEAT UP SOGGY CROCODILE MAN

FIND ANATOLE - Pierre is searching for Anatole with such FURY and I love him - “Nonsense, nonsense, nothing has happened!” He’s shaking his head and waving his arms in emphasis that all is well he just wants to protect Natasha - “I must see, Natasha, how can I see her?” Anatole is so distraught and panicked - Anatole is draped over Hélène’s lap totally distraught and crying - The tone in Pierre’s voice when he disses Hélène is so raw and full of anger and the look on her face is so surprised and :O - When Pierre demands that he must speak to Anatole, he kinda chases him down the steps of the stage until Anatole follows him to his desk

PIERRE AND ANATOLE - the strings in the first few measures in this song is such a headbanger what the fucking??? - Pierre shoves some papers off his desk and throws a chair to the side - When he grabs and shakes Anatole with his big big hands I bust the BIGGEST nut - Pierre has Anatole pinned to his desk, hand on his throat - “And I don’t know what deprives me of the pleasure of smashing your head in with this!” the paperweight Pierre threatens him with is so BIG??? - When Pierre lets him go, Anatole is so upset and frightened! He’s brushing himself off and fixing his hair and rubbing his throat - Anatole shoves the remaining papers off of Pierre’s desk and ends up fixing his chair so it’s upright - “Amuse yourself with women like my wife, well then you’re within your right!” - “Don’t you understand that’s as cruel as beating an old man or a child!” Anatole’s hands are covering his ears and he looks so !!!!! :-( but that’s what u get! - when Anatole and Pierre are arguing and the electronic noises grow stronger and stronger Natasha poisons herself, and when she does, she screams and Sonya and Marya come running and they rush off stage - “Next day, Anatole left (PAUSE) fOoR PEETEE RrRSsBUUUUuyRRRRRRRRG” I bust a nut

NATASHA VERY ILL - At this point most of the cast (save for Scott and Denée) have sat down so they become part of the audience - Pierre helps Marya sit down on one of the stools on the stage seating and he’s so gentle and caring and I die

ANDREY AND PIERRE - they make fun of each other’s appearances just like friends do and it’s so heartwarming - they’re so happy to see one another - Andrey’s demeanor changes so much within the first few lines to when the two start talking about Natasha - at first he seems open and happy to see Pierre, but then as soon as he asks about Natasha and Anatole, and Pierre responds with “something of that kind” he shuts himself in - “If you wish to be my friend, never speak of that again.” He sounds so….empty and sad. He jabs his finger into Pierre’s chest- who just lets it happen….

PIERRE AND NATASHA 

- aka the song that makes me believe in love - when Pierre see’s Natasha struggling down the stairs she rushes to her, concerned - and then when she doesn’t give him he hand he’s so hurt and confused - “Peter Kirilovich” Pierre shakes his head, and puts his hand on his heart when he responds with just, “Pierre” - Denée’s voice is so quiet in this song, in the cast recording it’s at a regular, normal volume, but at the show, my god it’s so fragile, it’s…..so soft and sad - “but still I’m tormented by the wrongs I’ve done him,” she sounds and looks so disgusted with herself when she delivers this line and my heart broke - “tell him that I beg him to forgive…forgive…forgive me for….everything,” Denée sounded so close to tears at this line and I was so close to crying - “did you love, did you love that bAd man?” Scott is amazing and I love him as Pierre…..he sounded so…..heartbroken - “dOn’t call him bad!” after she snaps at Pierre, she looks so frightened - “She began to cry,” yeah, no, she SOBS! SHE’S BENT OVER WITH SOBS AND PIERRE LOOKS SO DISTRAUGHT MY GOD - in the audience is Hélène, and I noticed that she had her head in her hands and at one point was dabbing her face like she was crying and my god that hurt - “He felt the tears begin to trickle, underneath his spectacles-” his back is turned away from Natasha, and facing towards the audience, he’s so good I love him - he begins making his way towards Natasha, reassuring her that everything is alright and he will be there for her - to which she just shakes her head, saying how she is unworthy of his kindness - and holy shit we’re getting close to the part™ - Pierre is facing away from Natasha as he delivers the ONLY speaking part in the entire musical and,,,,,,,,,,,,mygod - Scott delivers those few lines perfectly, his voice is the right amount of scratchy, nervous, and loving, and my heart burst - “and glancing at Pierre, ooooOOh, Pierre,” …..my heart has never ached so much…Denée’s voice is so beautiful, and it’s THIS line that her voice goes from being so soft and quiet, to bright and happy- like sun shining through a window after a rainy day - The hand thing ™ Natasha does as she’s singing “-I leave the room smiling-” Pierre looks so confused and slowly backs his head away from her hand but once it cupping his cheek, he just accepts it and welcomes it - “-unable to find the sleeves,” Scott is so wonderful! He puts the coat on- just reflex I suppose- and time just seems to stop as we go into the final song

THE GREAT COMET OF 1812 - the girls who sat across the aisle from me was already crying from the previous song but now she was crying harder and that’s the biggest mood of them all - the transition between the last song and this one is so nice - Pierre finally realizes that he can and HAS changed and that he’s a better person and he’s so happy and my god I love him and I want him to have everything good in life - “shIIINES the gREEaAAT cOOOoMeet of 1812” I love the harmonies in this line - the comet i don’t even know how to explain what t looks like - It’s so bright and beautiful - Pierre is sitting down and gazing so longingly at the comet as it and the music get brighter - And the audience went nuts

STAGEDOOR - okay so so many people came out and I was so happy - I asked my mom to hold my playbill and get it signed for me while I took selfies….we had a system going :-p - Brad Giovanine came out and I was so excited!!! - I thanked him again for giving me a dumpling and he was so sweet! He was like, “I usually don’t remember faces, but I remember you!” I was so happy wtf - When Paul Pinto came out and I asked him for a selfie I told him that I loved him as Dolokov and he chuckled and said “I actually played Balaga” and I’ve never wanted to project myself into the dirt more ajdbdkdh! But he was really sweet about it! He teased me about it for a little bit! He was like “I’m the other brown guy!” “Me and Dolokov look pretty similar, especially from the audience!” And I said, “well you were hilarious as Balaga!” And he said, “maybe I was Dolokov? Maybe I will be?” And I was like “in my dreams you’re an amazing Dolokov.” And then as he moved on to sign my playbill I told my mom that I felt bad, and he heard me and was like “ah don’t be! It happens! I tease people about it all the time!” - Then Nick Choski came out and he was so sweet I loved him as Dolokov (I told him that and he smiled really wide and thanked me!) - Pearl Rhein came out and as I was about to gush to her about how much I loved her tattoos, and when she went to sigh my playbill, I noticed she had a treble and bass clef on her wrists and I was so shooketh - All in all it was such an amazing show and the actors were so nice I really hope they all say connected with one another and continue doing great things with music

so that’s it for my great comet experience! if you have any questions, or just want to talk about great comet, PLEASE DO! I love this musical so much

[autisticheadcanons]

ippolit and anatole vasilyevich kuragin and pyotr kirilovich bezukhov (pierre), as well as sofia alexandrovna rostova (sonya), all from war and peace, are autistic!

[kingrenly]

andrierretasha soulmate reincarnation au

Every time he sees them, Pierre’s heart stops.

It’s hard not to look. Until he finds them, he’s terrified he’s one of the ones who doesn’t remember--until he realizes that in order to be looking, he must be the one who remembers. And so he keeps his eyes open, looks around corners and in every place imaginable, waiting for the shock, the burn that comes from seeing them, no matter who they are.

This time they are in Russia, in the age of war and imperial might, and when Pierre starts looking, he is friendless and alone. When his half-sisters tease and he hears the mockery from those he does not know, he bites his tongue and keeps his head down, remembering the two from his past, begging the forces of nature, of God, to send them his way.

All he can do is wait, and rely on the memories.

He meets Andrei first, at a gathering for some count or prince--perhaps even the tsar himself, it doesn’t matter, and Pierre doesn’t remember. He only remembers sitting alone, drinking a glass of wine, wishing he was anywhere else.

And then someone calls out: Prince Nikolai Andreich Bolkonsky, his son Prince Andrei Nikolaevich, and his daughter Princess Marya Nikolaevna.

Pierre sees an older man, prideful and haughty, and his daughter, slight, with a kind face, but he does not pay any attention to them. He is on fire the second he sees the dark-haired prince, standing tall in the entrance of the ballroom. He does not smile; his gaze is observant and almost cold as he looks around. He looks over Pierre and does not recognize him. It hurts, a twinge, but it fills Pierre with the same hope he gets in most lifetimes--the knowledge that the man he loves is here, is alive, is with him in this lifetime.

Later that night someone introduces them, someone Pierre knows he owes his life to, and he looks up into the handsome face, and sees everything. He sees the French princeling who held his hand as they walked through Burgundy; he sees the English merchant, waving and smiling from the docks of his ship, who always smelled like linens and lavender; he sees the vandal king they would now call barbarian, who always looked over a battlefield with such calculation, who always sat next to Pierre by the fire. And in this life, Pierre bows his head and says, “Prince Andrei Nikolaevich. I--I am honored.”

The man, his love, Andrei, he is Andrei now, smiles for the first time all night and mirrors Pierre’s gesture. “Pyotr Kirilovich. I have met your father several times, and I am glad to meet you as well.”

“Pierre,” Pierre blurts out, and feels himself blush. “Please, call me Pierre.”

Andrei smiles, and Pierre could cry, knowing that he has at least one chance in this life for happiness.

Meeting Natasha is different, but then again, she always is.

She is still half a child, but Pierre knows her at once, as always. Her dark eyes are the eyes of the queen, the one who always laughed and gifted him pounds of jewels every week; the artists, who sat on the balcony for hours just painting, who was always just content with having him sit there; the performer who twirled and leapt across the stage, who always took his breath away with her voice.

But she is thirteen, and more concerned with her brother and cousin than him, and he knows that she does not recognize him. He knows that she does not care about his dead father, his new wealth, all the reasons that have brought him to her home. Logic, facts, reason make no difference when the old count Ilya Andreich smiles, looking at her, and says, “My daughter, Natalya.”

Natalya. The name is beautiful in Pierre’s mind, and he remembers everyone she has been, and he pictures who she will be in a few years. I have found both of them, both of them in just a few years. I am the luckiest man on earth.

She dances like she did a generation before, but she still has the bravery of a child as Pierre sees her spinning and laughing in her own home, her cousin behind her, trying to keep up. Her eyes are bright when she runs up to him for the first time, half out of breath, and says excitedly, “Mama told me to ask you to dance.”

Pierre could not help but smile, though he said, “I’m afraid I’ll confuse the figures, but if you’d like to be my teacher…”

Her smile is radiant, and from the moment the music starts it is evident that she loves the dance. Pierre is hardly dancing; he watches her as she laughs and spins, and his heart is completely full.

Andrei. Natalya. Two more names to remember. The names are like magic, like music, and Pierre sings them to himself for the rest of the night. Andrei. Natalya. Andrei. Natalya.

Pierre allows himself to be happy, truly happy, for perhaps the first time in this lifetime.