#pictures are (like almost always) from pexels

[pluggedintosaverockandroll]

the (shipped) gold standard - fall out boy

[writingquestionsanswered]

i’m autistic so when i’m doing Anything i am almost always specifically Avoiding noticing my surroundings, anything going on at all, so when it comes to descriptive writing i’m slowly realising i actually don’t know What to write. i can get a little bit in about physical body things like emotions or pain etc but i don’t reeaally know how to describe an environment or room or anything but i’m not really wanting to start looking for that in real life because it would overwhelm me so i’m not sure how to like. learn it, i guess?

Describing Environments as Autistic Writer

Describing environments can be tricky for any writer, but there's a great method you can use that will help make it easier. For any environment you need to describe, go looking on Google Image Search, Pinterest, Pexels, Shutterstock... wherever... for inspiration photos that represent that environment.

For example, let's say I need to describe a high school gymnasium. Google Image Search gives me lots of great pictures:

I can go through and find ones that match what I'm envisioning. Or, if I have nothing in mind, whichever one stands out as being a good fit. You can bookmark the image, save it, screen cap it, or print it out. Or, you might just keep the image open for reference while you describe the environment in your story.

Some people find it helpful to create "mood boards" or "aesthetics" with lots of different pictures that represent one location. Then, any time they need to describe that environment, they can look back to the collage image for reference.

Depending on whether you're a "planner" or a "pantser," you may want to gather all your inspiration photos in advance, or you may want to just wait until you come to an environment you need to describe and search for the inspiration images then.

Either way, once you have a photograph to guide you, it's much easier to figure out how to describe what the environment looks like. You can talk about things like layout, architectural structure/elements, size, shapes, color and texture, and decoration. You may also wish to include other sensory details, such as sound, smell, and feel... such as the echo inside a gym, the smell of rubber mats, and warmth from a lot of people crowded together to watch an event.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[canary0]

May 3, Bistrita - Dracula 2023

The train left Munich at 8:35 pm on May 1st, arriving in Vienna early the next morning.

We would have been there sooner, but the train was an hour late. Really unfortunate, because once I arrived from Vienna to Budapest, the place is beautiful. The fact that the railways wanted to get back on schedule meant that didn’t get much of a chance to explore, but I managed to get a few pictures.

Train station interior: Photo by Thomas Choi on Unsplash (https://unsplash.com/photos/DdBEYd4hZ5k)

Train station exterior: Photo by Gabriel Miklós on Unsplash (https://unsplash.com/photos/asIEq0NrNNE)

Budapest: Photo by Klaudia Olejnik from Pixabay (https://pixabay.com/photos/budapest-hungary-river-city-bridge-7810815/)

You can feel the history, moving into the area that the Ottoman Empire once ruled. The influences are so different, between the oldest architecture in England and here. Like a gateway into Eastern Europe, something like that. I would love too travel here some time when I’m not on business with Mina. She could probably tell me the history of half the buildings here.

Sadly, I left shortly after I took the picture of the bridge. I almost ran late for the train taking off again! I can’t complain, though, as we left in good time and weren’t too late getting into Cluj-Napoca. Even the rail station was lovely.

Train station: Public Domain image at Wikipedia.com (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cluj-Napoca_railway_station)

I stayed for the night at a small hotel about ten minutes walk from the station, Villa Escala. I always thought that if you’re going to travel, you should go places where you can absorb the atmosphere more, and this place was lovely in that regard. The atmosphere warmed the soul, and the furniture wore its history on its sleeve without looking worn out.

Hotel (Villa Escala): Photo at Booking.com (https://www.booking.com/hotel/ro/villa-escala.html)

Once I checked in, I inquired after the staff where I might find some local fare, and they directed me to a nearby restaurant where I had a lovely dish they called “ paprikás csirke”, chicken paprikash. While apparently not commonly made this way these days, this particular place used an old recipe that included hot paprika, and it was quite a thirsty dish. I finished my carafe and water and needed more. It was interesting in how the burn was more at the back of the mouth and going down than at the front.

Mina: I think you would love this dish. Creamy, spicy, a little tart from the sour cream, and a subtle sweetness. I found a recipe for it you might want to try. (link)

Chicken Paprikash (paprikás csirke): Photo by Istvan Szabo at Pexels (https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-close-up-shot-of-a-chicken-paprikash-dish-10338434/)

While the cell reception has grown increasingly spotty during my trip, I’ve done some research on the area as I went. The place I’m going is right on the border of Transilvania, Bucovina, and Moldova (that’s the Romanian state, not the country – that’s farther east yet), in the eastern half of the country, tucked up in the Carpathian Mountains. I won’t be quite heading into the latter two states, I gather. I think the castle must not be on any official roads, because I couldn’t find where it’s supposed to be on any roads. I think I can see an impression on Google Earth, but it’s surprisingly blurry. I can’t tell if what I’m seeing is a castle or a strange craggy outcropping. I suppose I’ll see.

Anyway, there are a few different ethnic groups in the area: Saxons (yes, the same ones King Arthur was supposed to have fought – they occupied a really wide swath of Europe), Vlachs (speakers of Eastern Romance languages, possibly descended from the Romans who once occupied the region; indeed, they simply called themselves Romans), Magyars (Hungarians), and Szekelys (who regard themselves as descendants of Huns, and served as the vanguard of Romanian armies in the past). Supposedly, when the Magyas conquered the Carpathian Basin, they found the Huns already there, so it’s possible.

Supposedly the Carpathian Mountains are rich in folklore and stories of all sorts of strange beings out there in the night. I think I must have been thinking about it that night, because my sleep was interrupted by odd dreams. It likely wasn’t helped by a dog howling beneath my window, the paprika, or the picturesque, if rather spooky, graveyard I had to pass between the hotel, train station, and restaurant. Despite that, I must have been sleeping very deeply by morning – it took a couple of wake up calls for me to actually get up.

I had a breakfast of more paprika, a polenta-ish cornmeal porridge called “mămăligă”, and a stuffed eggplant dish they called “impletata”… but since that word just means “stuffed” according the the online translator that has been a lifeline this leg of the trip, I think they might have been having me on a little. Very tasty, though, so I can’t complain too much.

I hurried through the food to get to the train on time, since it was supposed to leave before late, but… Well, the phrase “hurry up and wait” comes to mind. We didn’t get started until at least 8:30. Such is life.

The train took a moderate pace through the countryside, which suited me just fine. I mentioned that Budapest was beautiful, but the countryside of Transilvania has a completely different sort of beauty. Little picturesque towns in the midst of rolling fields and little rivers in the distance, castles settled atop steep hills, watching over the surrounding area like lone sentinels. The streams and rivers had wide, stony margins that made me wonder if they were prone to sudden floods. Every once in a while, we would pass a small village and town close and see people going about their daily lives that made me think of some of those cottage/back to nature sort of aesthetics you see online. It reminds me of a cottagecore mood board Lucy once showed me when we visited, and traveling through this region, I can feel the appeal.

Romanian Countryside: Photo by Fotografu on Unsplash (https://unsplash.com/photos/8h-yUi_l2Jw)

I arrived in Bistrita iwhile it was still somewhat bright, sadly too late to do much in the way of sightseeing, though a little bit of hurry let me take a photo of the church that dominates the central square of the town.

Bistrița Evangelical Church: Photo by Mian Bulacu (https://backpackglobetrotter.com/2018/09/17/postcards-romania/)

The Count directly me to The Coronana de Aur hotel. It’s a modern business hotel like many others, but it’s hard to find a hotel that’s historic these days. While it’s a little disappointing, as I was hoping to take in a little more of the local feel, it was nice to have a comfortable place to stay before I head off to the Tihuta Pass tomorrow. Having good reception to call Mina before I go is a comfort, too.

When I arrived, the front desk staff passed me a letter from the Count: “My Friend.--Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three tomorrow a bus will start for Bucovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Tihuta Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land.

Your friend,

DRACULA.”

(A/N: Hopefully you enjoyed the first foray into this silly endeavor to rewrite the book as if it was happening as of May 3, 2023. This is absolutely not meant to be serious.

I am trying to make it a little more accurate to real world Romania as much as I can (and as much as can be reasonable from an Englishman's perspective). We're part of a connected, small world these days. I think that's going to make the horror of the isolation even stronger.

Anyway. Have fun with the dumb, silly thing I'm making at DD goes. If it's not your cup of tea, you are welcome to move on.

Obviously, this is not mine, Dracula being public domain in the US aside. It's basically fanfic. Some of it will be direct quotes. Probably not much, as having characters in a modern context will change them, and that'll be filtered through my own lens of how I perceive them as well.

Enough excuses, I suppose. It'll be what it'll be.)

[jcmarchi]

Study: Smart Devices’ Ambient Light Sensors Pose Imaging Privacy Risk - Technology Org

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/study-smart-devices-ambient-light-sensors-pose-imaging-privacy-risk-technology-org/

Study: Smart Devices’ Ambient Light Sensors Pose Imaging Privacy Risk - Technology Org

In George Orwell’s novel “1984,” Big Brother watches citizens through two-way, TV-like telescreens to surveil citizens without any cameras. In a similar fashion, our current smart devices contain ambient light sensors, which open the door to a different threat: hackers.

A person is using a smartphone. Image credit: Aathif Aarifeen via Pexels, free license

These passive, seemingly innocuous smartphone components receive light from the environment and adjust the screen’s brightness accordingly, like when your phone automatically dims in a bright room. Unlike cameras, though, apps are not required to ask for permission to use these sensors.

Surprisingly, MIT’s Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory (CSAIL) discovered that ambient light sensors are vulnerable to privacy threats when embedded in a smart device’s screen.

The team proposed a computational imaging algorithm to recover an image of the environment from the perspective of the display screen using subtle single-point light intensity changes of these sensors to demonstrate how hackers could use them in tandem with monitors.

“This work turns your device’s ambient light sensor and screen into a camera! Ambient light sensors are tiny devices deployed in almost all portable devices and screens that surround us in our daily lives,” says Princeton University professor Felix Heide, who was not involved with the paper.

“As such, the authors highlight a privacy threat that affects a comprehensive class of devices and has been overlooked so far.”

While phone cameras have previously been exposed as security threats for recording user activity, the MIT group found that ambient light sensors can capture images of users’ touch interactions without a camera. According to their new study, these sensors can eavesdrop on regular gestures, like scrolling, swiping, or sliding, and capture how users interact with their phones while watching videos.

For example, apps with native access to your screen, including video players and web browsers, could spy on you to gather this permission-free data.

According to the researchers, the commonly held belief is that ambient light sensors don’t reveal meaningful private information to hackers, so programming apps to request access to them is unnecessary. “Many believe that these sensors should always be turned on,” says lead author Yang Liu, MIT Electrical Engineering & Computer Science Department (EECS) and CSAIL PhD student. “But much like the telescreen, ambient light sensors can passively capture what we’re doing without our permission, while apps are required to request access to our cameras. Our demonstrations show that when combined with a display screen, these sensors could pose some sort of imaging privacy threat by providing that information to hackers monitoring your smart devices.”

Collecting these images requires a dedicated inversion process where the ambient light sensor first collects low-bitrate variations in light intensity, partially blocked by the hand making contact with the screen.

Next, the outputs are mapped into a two-dimensional space by forming an inverse problem with the knowledge of the screen content. An algorithm then reconstructs the picture from the screen’s perspective, which is iteratively optimized and denoised via deep learning to reveal a pixelated image of hand activity.

The study introduces a novel combination of passive sensors and active monitors to reveal a previously unexplored imaging threat that could expose the environment in front of the screen to hackers processing the sensor data from another device. “This imaging privacy threat has never been demonstrated before,” says Liu, who worked alongside Frédo Durand on the paper, who is an MIT EECS professor, CSAIL member, and senior author. 

The team suggested two software mitigation measures for operating system providers: tightening up permissions and reducing the precision and speed of the sensors. First, they recommend restricting access to the ambient light sensor by allowing users to approve or deny those requests from apps. To further prevent any privacy threats, the team also proposed limiting the capabilities of the sensors.

By reducing the precision and speed of these components, the sensors would reveal less private information. From the hardware side, the ambient light sensor should not be directly facing the user on any smart device, they argued, but instead placed on the side where it won’t capture any significant touch interactions.

Getting the picture

The inversion process was applied to three demonstrations using an Android tablet. In the first test, the researchers seated a mannequin in front of the device, while different hands made contact with the screen. A human hand pointed to the screen, and later, a cardboard cutout resembling an open-hand gesture touched the monitor, with the pixelated imprints gathered by the MIT team revealing the physical interactions with the screen. 

A subsequent demo with human hands revealed that the way users slide, scroll, pinch, swipe, and rotate could be gradually captured by hackers through the same imaging method, although only at a speed of one frame every 3.3 minutes. With a faster ambient light sensor, malicious actors could potentially eavesdrop on user interactions with their devices in real time.

In a third demo, the group found that users are also at risk when watching videos like films and short clips. A human hand hovered in front of the sensor while scenes from Tom and Jerry played on screen, with a white board behind the user reflecting light to the device. The ambient light sensor captured the subtle intensity changes for each video frame with the resulting images exposing touch gestures.

While the vulnerabilities in ambient light sensors pose a threat, such a hack is still restricted. The speed of this privacy issue is low, with the current image retrieval rate being 3.3 minutes per frame, which overwhelms the dwell of user interactions. Additionally, these pictures are still a bit blurry if retrieved from a natural video, potentially leading to future research. While telescreens can capture objects away from the screen, this imaging privacy issue is only confirmed for objects that make contact with a mobile device’s screen, much like how selfie cameras cannot capture objects out of frame.

Written by Alex Shipps

Source: Massachusetts Institute of Technology

You can offer your link to a page which is relevant to the topic of this post.

[aladyandhertardis]

It's 11:11, make a wish

Photo by Anna Nekrashevich on Pexels I accidentally stumbled onto one of my old posts that I made ten years ago. Looking through it, it got me thinking that I still kind of believe in those simple, silly beliefs even till today. Except, it's changed a bit because of location;  with how I'm at work and not school; and the people whom I surround myself with. Anyway, let's see how it's different now. Legend says, when you can’t sleep at night, it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.(found on tumblr)I can't sleep at night because of various thoughts and activities and probably also not trying hard enough to have a better (but still flexible) bedtime routine. Also, wouldn't it be selfish of me if I thought that I was awake in someone else's dream? Though, it would be flattering indeed. Even though I'm most likely just a background character. Whenever the necklace clasp is in the front, it means that someone is thinking about you.(Heard from a friend; and if I recall correctly, if the clasp is on the left a family member is thinking about you or if it ends up on the right side, your crush is thinking about you)I hope my significant other is always thinking about me. After all, I'm always thinking about them 🎵In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams.🎵 (And in almost every single thought.) It would also make sense why my necklace clasp keeps on moving no matter how often I adjust it. It’s 11:11, make a wish.11:11, instead of wishing for happiness I wish for safety now. For everyone around me, and for myself. After going through so much trauma and such, I just want people to be safe. Peace and happiness will follow suit once that hierarchical need is met. Spin the stem of a fruit while saying the alphabet at the same time. And when the stem comes off at a random letter, it means that you’re going to marry a person whose first or last name starts with whatever letter you’ve stopped at. (A silly thing my friend made up in eighth grade)At this point in time, I always try to get the stem off on either one of the letters in my beloved's initials. It doesn't work though.  xD It's probably a good thing too considering that I don't really want to get married. (Who knows if my mind will change.)  Now let's see if those beliefs will stay with me for another ten years. And now the weather: Paper Rings by Taylor Swift ~ Stacy N. http://dlvr.it/StX60p

[sitp-recs]

Okay, Sitp, I've been trying to figure out who to ask this to, and your last post solidified my decision! Do you have any advice on making banners for recs, fics, lists, etc.? I really like making things, but they never turn out looking quite as I want (something always feels missing, you know?). I was hoping you might have some tips? Regardless, thank you for all your hard work and lovely recs! I've found so many new favorites because of you! :) Best wishes!

The struggle is real, I feel you anon! My first step was choosing a format that worked for me in terms of aesthetics. I knew I would be doing this regularly and I wanted to establish some kind of identity to make my life easier and my recs recognizable. My format is pretty simple - I use Fotojet which requires no input besides choosing the text font, size and placement - and it works for me, but I’ve seen banners way more elaborated, so it’s really up to you!

I think finding the right picture is the best and worst part of the process because sometimes the fic is 100% subjective, other times you can’t find anything decent on royalty free sites (I use Unsplash and Pexels). I had to give up on my initial idea so many times, it can be really frustrating. That leads me to my process: my banners translate what I retain from the fic. I try to capture the general atmosphere and combine it with something tangible often mentioned in the fic. It could something out of a line, an object, a personality trait, anything that caught my attention above other elements while I was reading.

That means it’s something very subjective and for that to work, I gotta reread the whole fic to choose a motif 💀 sometimes it’s as simple as searching for garden pictures like in the banner for Old Black Magic, other times it gets a bit trickier - there’s this fic by shealwaysreads called Catch and Release about Draco and Harry getting accidentally bonded and they tiptoe around each other while resisting the pull. There’s almost nothing really tangible to work with, but then the characters mention this gadget (a spider catcher) and I thought it would be perfect considering the fic’s title and angsty tone, so voilà the final banner:

It’s kinda touch and go. Sometimes I will find a really great pic (say, a supermarket pic for a fic where they keep meeting there) but if it doesn’t reflect the fic’s mood, I discard it. More often than not I come up with 3 or 4 options and harass @tackytigerfic to help me choose it 😂 I’m not sure if saying all this is helping much, but you mentioned feeling that something is always missing so I wonder if that’s about capturing the right vibes or if it’s something more related to the visuals. Sometimes I don’t love the aesthetics I come up with, but I tend to prioritize the concept I want to explore, so the visuals become secondary. But that’s me, and everyone has their own process and priorities!

Overall my main tips would be to experiment, reread the fic if you can and try to pinpoint which elements speak the most to you - and if they can be represented by something tangible - consult your friends and ask for opinions if they’re open to help, this kind of thing. I’m sure people more experienced will have better tips to offer but I hope this helped a bit! ❤️

[suzyhazelwood]

This summer I discovered an awesome tiny vintage shop in an old red brick building on an ancient street in the city where I live… never seen a shop quite so fascinating.  (Magdalen Street, Norwich, England). You can read a bit about the history of the street here.

From the moment of stepping inside the door it became a mind blowing trip back to my 70’s childhood… it’s packed full from floor to ceiling with a vast selection of authentic vintage items from the 50’s to the 80’s… all in stunning condition.  My parents were young people in the 1950’s, I recognised a lot of  items they had once owned themselves, and beautiful books I remember from childhood.  If I was a rich woman with a large home I’d have bought nearly everything in it!

When I told the lovely lady who owns Junk And Gems I’d taken some pictures of her shop she explained she was a little embarrassed about the exterior paintwork.  The building is rented and she was concerned because she hadn’t heard anything from her landlord for a long time.  She was wondering if she should paint the woodwork on the shop front herself.  I can totally understand how she felt, I’d probably feel the same too if it was my business.  But from a photographers point of view, the unintentional peeling paint, the almost shabby chic look, made an even more interesting photograph.

To the left of the picture you can see an old metal gate with Two Brewers Yard written above.  The building next door looks to me to be a very traditional pub front with the half frosted glass.  I’m not sure if it was even still in use, but it certainly didn’t look like it was a pub any more.

If you’re a lover of vintage items Magdalen Street has many second hand vintage stores and charity shops to satisfy your curiosity of finding old items you enjoy collecting.

It can take a few hours to look around all of those shops… so best not to plan visiting this street when you’re in a rush. There are plenty of cafés and restaurants in the area too… you’ve got to stop and have a tea break on a trip like this!

I’m always looking out for vintage literature to add to my growing collection.  I photograph the best looking books for my Pexels page.  I also love finding old photographs… I’ve even captured some of those too.  I’ll photograph anything if it looks interesting… and sometimes the older it is, the better it looks.

Just before I arrived at the Junk And Gems shop there was no sunlight in the street, it had been a really dull overcast day… then suddenly the sun burst out from the heavy hanging greyness.  It was perfect timing, it created striking shadows which made the pictures much more attractive.  Sunlight is often a bit shy in England, we’re all a lot happier when it finally shows it’s face!

If you’d like to see a list of genuine old black and white photography of Magadalen Street you can find a great selection on georgeplunkett.co.uk

The one thing I regret about my visit to Junk And Gems is not taking any pictures inside.  Ah well, it’s a good excuse for another visit!

All images I’ve posted here plus other pictures of Norwich can be downloaded from my Pexels page and used for free. Just click the pictures, the links will take you to the images on Pexels.  The featured post image can be downloaded here.

Now for some free vintage music… are you old enough to remember how video was going to kill the radio star?!!   It never happened… radio survived the video age… still thriving all these years later.  I love this song… this is a Ken Laszlo version of Video Killed The Radio Star (Factory Team Remix) 1998.

First posted on: ProjectShutterbug

[georgesmithunit19]

10 Minute Lesson Project: Video Process

01.02.19

I am here, and I have finally finished my video for this teaching project. It took around 14 hours if I had to estimate (not in one sitting, over two weeks). It’s interesting that it took so long to create a three minute and thirty second video—which reminds me of Wallace and Gromit and how long that took to create just one single frame. I think that the final piece is decent. It’s not like I’m extremely pleased with it, but overall I do like it and I am proud of what I’ve created. I think that it is good for what it is and does its job well; to teach a young class about a chosen subject while also still being fun. At the time of writing, I have not yet imported sound, nor have I created the work sheet that I will be handing out after the video has finished playing, but I will add the sound later, and I will probably detail that later on in this post when I have (if not it will be in a separate post). The work sheet process will most likely be a separate post. 

Now I must write about my process of the entire thing. Now, I’m not about to bore everyone and use 50 screenshots detailing every single thing that I did throughout, but I have some of the most important ones, which I will be talking about briefly. So firstly, how it all started. I made black solid layer and immediately got to animating the words to come onto the screen. I’d had the idea to have each word separately fly onto the screen to form a sentence for a while, and now was time to put that idea in to motion. This wasn’t so hard to do, but it definitely took the longest time to make out of everything that is in the video. It was very tedious to be honest, there was a lot of duplicating and fiddling with layers etc. The final animation of these parts honestly doesn’t look great, since some of the words follow each other a bit slowly, but I couldn’t do anything about that as that would interrupt everything that came after it. 

Once I’d done this part, and added all the easy ease to make it look more fluid, I decided to use a technique that I had recently learned from Irene, which involves using trim paths to create some confetti-like things that look like they’re flying around the place. Here’s a link to my experience with this technique. I made the colours correspond to the flags of the UK and USA, which conveniently have the same colours (albeit with different shades). 

The screenshot below shows a dark screen with a flag in the background. This was the first image to appear after the black screen, which I made fade out using opacity keyframes. I chose to start with USA for no particular reason, and then move onto the Union Jack shortly after. A lot of the early parts of this video are drawn out maybe a little longer than they should be due to me being stressed over the fact that I needed to get the video to four minutes. I was taught by another tutor how to make the flag wave a bit using some technique called turbulent displace, which I couldn’t tell you how to do now, but it definitely adds to the video, instead of having static footage. In fact, I originally had planned to have footage for every single different segment of the video, but I was quickly shot down as soon as I visited various different stock footage websites, and found that there was a lot of bad footage. That or it was incredibly expensive. I quickly abandoned the idea of trying to find footage for flags, though luckily, I was much more fortunate in my search for other footage of the later sections. 

I wrote out some messages that would appear on screen while the flags would be in the background, like “I hope that you enjoy, and learn something new.” and the screenshot below. I had them last for a while to draw out the video, but I also knew that drawing something out for so long would not be entertaining for an audience, so I didn’t go overboard, hopefully. Not much else to say about this screenshot. 

Now I will briefly talk about some of the footage and images that I used for the video. This first part of the video was going to be about the vocabulary, by the way. The first image that I used was one of a faucet, or tap. I got all of my images from Unsplash, and footage was from Pexels. I simply placed the image and then had it move slightly throughout its duration of being there, so that it wouldn’t look too boring. Next, I made the flags that I would be using to differentiate each word. There was a lot of duplicating and then removing things etc. I wrote a word out, and then parented that word to the image of the flag, so that they would move at the same time, but I could simply edit the word to whatever I wanted to without everything messing up. I tried to get each flag and word to move on the screen in a unique way, though I ended up running out of ideas later on, so some of them copy the earlier ones, but I don’t think you would really think that unless I pointed it out. Like right now. I chose to screenshot this scene, as I really like the footage that I chose for it—it may be my favourite footage. Not much else to say, though there were some more creative ones that I did after this one, like with the cinema, I made the words appear on the big screen. The footage for the apartment scene was also nice, it almost looks like I went out and filmed it myself. 

Another scene I liked was this one below, of a girl walking on the street, wearing trainers/sneakers. The way that it is zoomed in looks really good, as well as the flags that fall onto the screen, and then fall off at the end. I think that the contrast between the real life footage with the little icons I made in Illustrator is probably best showcased here, in my opinion. After this was a football/soccer scene, where I ran into a little mishap—there was this short black screen that appeared for half a second, which I was able to avoid by duplicating the footage and moving part of it just before the glitch, which covered it up nicely. That’s pretty much it for this screenshot.

The next part of the video was going to be about spelling, which may be my favourite aesthetically pleasing segment that I made throughout the video. I really like the specific image of the flag, along with the white text over the top of it. I tried to keep it lighthearted, and added a little “(yay!)” under the big word “Spelling”. Some people may catch it. I’ve noticed that throughout the video, the font seems to switch up a lot. I always used the same font, yet it still looked different. 

The first part of this category would start with the motorway/highway, which again, very aesthetically pleasing to me. I think that it is pretty perfect footage for this particular part. After this was one about colour/color, which also had the same error that the football/soccer scene had. I was able to cover it using the same technique. After this, theater/theatre, meter/metre, which I think I chose a pretty nice image for from Unsplash, and then organize/organise, which again had some really cool footage to accompany it, and it also looks like I could have filmed it.

Next is undeniably my favourite scene from the whole video. It was of a plane that was just barely in the shot, while there were clouds blowing across the screen. I used this to my advantage and decided to try something new with the animated flags and words. This time, I lowered the opacity of both flags once the cloud went over it. Also, the way they appear on the screen also looks really good (albeit unintentional) as they look as if they’re blowing onto the screen following a cloud that seems to have blown them along with it. The whiter the screen got, the more I lowered the opacity of the flags—even going down to 15% when a big cloud essentially covered the screen. I think that this ended up looking really good, and honestly like it could be a separate thing of its own. I’m hoping my audience will be able to catch the words, with them being covered by the clouds as well. It doesn’t help that the words in this case are incredibly similar; traveled/travelled. 

After this was the segment that introduced prepositions into the video. I didn’t exactly know what those were, so I thought I would add a little “(what?)” under the word, just a little lighthearted addition, as I assumed that not everybody would know the word either. Also, before this, I typed: “You made it! Now it’s time for...”. In retrospect, this may seem like I’m being patronizing, but at the end of the day, this was created with the intention of appealing to younger people. 

Next, I thought about how I wanted these prepositions to be for awhile, until coming up with the idea of having a chalkboard as a way of teaching. I had no idea what stock footage of image that I would use, so I thought to just make my own thing this time. I took to Illustrator and started working on a little scene that would have a chalkboard in. The chalkboard itself was easy to create. I just made a square and gave it a slight dark grey to darker grey gradient. Just to give it some slight detail. I also did this with the wall in the back, just going from light purple to a more blue purple. I made a border for the chalkboard, and added some chalk sticks using the rounded rectangle tool. I resized them and placed them on the corner of the board. Then next thing I made was the window on the right. This was easy to make, all I did was create a little scene of some hills, and some clouds, then blur them using the gaussian blur to make the whole scene look like it was in the distance. I then made a border around this, and them thick line through the middle to make it look like a window frame. 

The last thing that I did for this scene was create a little picture for the wall. I made a white rectangle and then gave it a drop shadow. I made a small rectangle and then made some triangles to cut into the rectangle. I then coloured it the same as the border of the chalkboard, and shrunk it. I then duplicated it and placed it over the paper on the wall—to look like tape. I then made a character out of some shapes and the pen tool. I guess you could call it an Easter egg, since it kind of resembles me. 

After this graphic, I made the second to last segment—Past vs Present Tense. I got another American flag and placed it into the background. This lead into the final part of the lesson which was just using the graphic that I made of the chalkboard again, and then it came to the final slide, which thanks the audience, and then fades to black, which I did by getting a solid shape layer which I coloured black, and adding a keyframe at the start set to 0%, which moved to 100% at the end. 

[nedcanquen]

Chapter 9: Mr 7th Floor

In the past 8 months, I once again moved to a new country, applied to grad school, started and ended a relationship, and had to care for a family member. I’m sorry for the delay, but Matthew and Daan were never far from my mind.

Thank you to everyone who reads and has been patient with me!

Tags: Slow Burn (like…really slow burn) - endgame is NedCan but they don’t get there directly, Single POV, Yep, Canada will date other people before endgame because he’s very desirable even if he doesn’t always know it, Audit firm AU, Office AU, some angst…

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor, implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |  Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9

Image from Pexels

It’s warm here. Matthew breathes in the salty sea air and takes in a view he hasn’t seen in many many years. He loves Cuba already, he’s nineteen and ready for his first adventure outside of Canada, and there’s a part of him that’s not so secretly satisfied that he’s set foot in a place that his brother cannot go…

There’s a part of him that scoffs at that now, but then? You can be forgiven for making sweeping conclusions at nineteen.

He had gone for a special language course at the University of Havana, at least, that was the excuse. It was the summer before he would start his year abroad in Houston (and the disaster that was his personal experience there even if he held the city no personal ill will). Everyone had been yelling at him for years to do something crazy. Well here he was, this was it for him.

Travelling to a new country wasn’t exactly most people’s definition of “crazy” but it was still significant for Matthew. Up to that point, he had played it safe, preferred the quiet, his own company, and the cold. He fell sick whenever the temperatures teased their way to thirty degrees, he swam in the snow just for fun. So yes, running off to Cuba was “crazy” enough. The beginning of Havana had been wonderful - stepping into a new world of warmth and experience. Why had he forgotten it? Maybe because he had set forth for adventure outside of his vast country twice, and both times had made him vulnerable in a way that Canada never forced him to endure. It was easier to choose to forget.

But right now, he’s dreaming of it - he’s dreaming some fantastical, magical version of his early days in Havana, and he can’t bring himself to wake up even though he knows it’s a dream - or maybe it’s a memory springing forth because there’s no resistance to it.

The warm buzz from the wine has taken him back to a different warmth - a warm night. The humidity had turned his hair almost frizzy with curls but he hadn’t cared. His glasses smudged often with grease, humidity, and sweat, but he just wiped them clean with the cotton on his shirt and continued smiling anyway. When someone pressed a cocktail into his hand, he drank from it happily. In that warm haze of happiness he allowed himself to sway to the music - badly probably. That’s when he saw him.

Everything Matthew had wanted to be when he was nineteen, still, actually - confident, charismatic. When Carlos Garcia laughed and danced, he owned the room. And somehow on that evening, Carlos Garcia had decided that he wanted to teach Matthew how to dance as opposed to sway like a dead man thrown into a river.

Somewhere buried in the back of a book that Matthew no longer opens, but can’t get rid of, is a picture of him and Carlos lying down on a beach in Gilbara. Matthew is sitting down, looking out at the water, and Carlos is lying on the sand with his head on Matthew’s lap. The funny thing about something ending is that sometimes your mind blocks out the happier stuff from before. But now that Matthew is allowing himself to remember Cuba again, he remembers Carlos. For Matthew, Carlos is Cuba, there’s no separating the two.

Physically, Carlos and Daan are as different as night and day. Daan is long and lean, while Carlos was a little shorter than Matthew, strong and heavyset. Daan’s hair is short and styled to clean and spiky perfection - not a strand out of place. Carlos’ hair was long and free, twisted into dreadlocks. Looks were shallow though, because both possesed a familiar solid charisma, old-world charm, and frightening honesty that partnered comfortably with an easy confidence that lent well to leadership. Qualities that Matthew desperately wished he had.

Now he wants to wake up. He knows what happens after he leaves Cuba.   

And when he does…

The light through the curtains tells Matthew that he’s overslept. Fuck.

Not overslept actually, it’s just that he tries to wake up before sunrise three times a week for a run. He needs to run to burn off his excess energy, to manage stress, to make sure he doesn’t fall too far behind Alfred physically or his brother will walk all over him by habit. Besides, Matthew isn’t naive enough to overlook the fact that he’s been treated better at work since he’s gotten fit so…Wait, where is he? It takes a moment to adjust, simply because it’s not what he’s used to seeing. Eventually his brain catches up with him and Matthew jumps out of bed with a yelp.

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod...” He’s not exhausted and cranky anymore - just a moment ago he was warm, happy, worried, now he’s all over the place and out of sorts. Shit shit shit why did he think about Cuba? What on...forget that. He has to shower, he has to change, he doesn’t have his clothes he has to iron them and he’s late!

Matthew throws his bedroom door open, and sees Daan and Lukas look up at him curiously.

“Good morning.” They both greet in unison, and Matthew stands there frozen for a moment at the shocking domestic normalcy. Daan is sitting at the table, pouring chocolate sprinkles on a slice of bread and Lukas is ironing in the back of the kitchen near the washing and dryer machines. They’re both already dressed, though Lukas is wearing office attire and Daan has his bicycle-riding getup on with a fitting highlighter-orange shirt. Pretty darn fitting. Shit. It’s too early in the morning for this. Too late, but too early. He tries to step forward but instead walks into something.

“Ow! What the-” Hopping slightly and holding his pained toe, he looks down at a...a Roomba? It’s the slimmest Roomba he’s ever seen though, and Nijntje is sitting on it as it carries on, cleaning up the apartment.

“You okay?” Daan is half standing from the table and Matthew desperately waves him away.

“I’m fine! I’m fine! I just uh...ugh.” He limps a little to the breakfast table, while desperately trying to think of a way to distract them from his embarrassment. “Uh...where’s Mathias?” Why was that the first question out of his mouth?

Daan looks at him with concern and...that look again, that stupid Partner look like they’re reading your mind. Then it seems, as soon as the scrutiny starts, it stops. Daan instead sips coffee from a...a dick mug, of course. “He operates a food place.” He responds after he swallows. “He left hours ago to open up and catch the morning office crowd.” Breathe Matthew. Breathe.

“Oh...right. Uh...I’ll just change quickly and I’ll drive you guys to work? It’s the least I can do, you let me stay the night.”

Lukas and Daan look at each other with amused looks on their faces.

“It’s okay Matthew.” Daan smirks. “You didn’t exactly stay the night by choice.”

“So you’ve already done us a favor.” Lukas adds. “Here, I ironed your clothes.” He turns off the iron and walks up, holding a hanger with Matthew’s clothes, looking even more crisp than they did yesterday. How did he do that?! Matthew can only look at Lukas in astonishment and wonder for a moment again, how he ever ended up being able to date this guy. Or really...any guy he had ever dated, come think of it. At least with Lukas it ended before he could get truly hurt.

“Right, well, time for me to go.” He turns to see that Daan is leaving the table and heading to the door, carrying a light backpack.

“Wait Daan, you don’t want a ride?”

“Today’s a cycling day. I want to fit in as many of these in while the weather’s still good, which also means I need to leave now.”

As Daan takes down his selected bicycle from its place on the wall, Matthew remembers that sometimes, Daan cycles to work. Good thing there are showers in the office. “Oh, okay. Uh, be safe.”

Daan barely shrugs and opens the door.

“Wait!” Matthew calls out, it finally hits him, what’s wrong with this picture. “You don’t wear a helmet?!”

Daan looks back at him with a straight face. “I have a hard head.”

Matthew doesn’t answer because he can’t. That’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard, and he’s tired and out-of-sorts enough that it must show on his face because Daan throws up his hands in annoyance and stalks to a nearby closet.

“Oh fine! Is the auditor happy?” He asks, holding up a helmet and strapping it on.

“I...don’t know why you’re annoyed, I’m clearly the one who’s right here…?” Matthew responds with genuine confusion.

Matthew can’t read the deadpan look on Daan’s face but he isn’t sure it’s all that great. “I bet that’s your response whenever you turn up every year for the scheduled audit. Bye.” He waves at both of them, then leaves.

Matthew waves too, but once the door is closed he turns to Lukas. “Is it just me or was that weird? That was kind of weird right? Wait...ugh priorities, I need to get dressed. Damnit, I really did wake up late.”

Lukas just looks at him, then at the door in concern. Finally he takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Matthew, do me a favor. Breathe with me okay.”

What?

But that’s all Lukas does, stands in front of him quietly, with a little roomba working in the background, breathing deeply. Finally Matthew follows and after an initial period of feeling like an idiot he actually just focuses on breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out...breathe…

Eventually the world comes back into focus again. He still needs a shower, but it’s not life or death. Lukas seems to note the change too and nods. “Good. You have time, your clothes are ironed and you drive to work. Anyway, I’m not addicted to cycling, so I’ll take you up on that ride.”

He’s right. Matthew allows himself a smile “Where’d you learn that?”

Lukas scoffs a little. “From two different people - didn’t listen to the first one, then when I learned it from the second one I felt pretty dumb for ignoring it the first time. Simple but effective though. Why don’t you eat breakfast? It’s right there on the table, yoghurt, cheese and milk are in the fridge.”

Matthew looks at the table and notes that everything he would need for a cold breakfast is there. On weekdays he generally grabs something hot on the way into work leaving himself to cook his favorites on weekends. “Okay...cold it is.” He didn’t mind cereal, he just usually preferred something warm.

“You want...eggs? Something more filling?” Lukas guessed.

“No,” Matthew smiles, “I mean I’m used to warm things in the morning but the chocolate on bread thing looked good.”

Lukas nods, looking thoughtful about something before walking back to the kitchen. “I’ll make you some coffee, how do you like it?”

The coffee did wonders for Matthew’s mind. He remembered why he was here in this apartment in the first place instead of his own. Now that he’s more awake and there’s more light streaming into the apartment through open curtains, he notices more than he did yesterday - there’s a balcony with a healthy collection of lush green plants, and colorful flowers. Hitam is drinking water in her open cage, Nijntje is still riding around on the Roomba, and Maple appears to be asleep. It’s such a cheerful place, that clearly had a lot of thought put into it that Matthew feels sorry for Daan that he likely doesn’t spend much time in it.

“Your clothes.” Lukas says randomly, taking a seat across him at the table.

“My? Oh heh yeah. I’m amazed they don’t have anything inappropriate written on them. I suppose there was a limit to the gag gifts?” Matthew jokes.

Lukas smiles slightly. “No, because those are Mathias’ clothes. Makes sense I guess. Daan may be tall but he’s lean. Probably figured you wouldn’t be comfortable if he loaned you his clothes.”

Oh...that made sense actually. Speaking of Mathias, “You know it’s not my place to pry but…how are you doing? How is...I mean you seem tired but overall is it...good?” It’s a little awkward once it leaves his mouth, and Matthew doesn’t quite understand why he’s just asked his ex how it’s going with the first ex, but...well Lukas was the one who had brought him here. The two of them didn’t seem to interact much the previous night.

Matthew can see Lukas think of the answer. “It’s better.” He acknowledges. Lukas’ eyes flicker to his and stops.

“I can take it.” Matthew mutters, not quite sure if it’s true but he’s the one who asked, and somehow it’s less frightening than thinking of the fact that he’s in Daan’s home, dreaming of Carlos and his own mistakes. “Or I wouldn’t have asked. I’m...glad. I mean, is it still raw? Yeah, but it was nice to see the three of you last night, reminiscing and getting along. It was warm and...thanks for making sure I was never left out.”

Now Lukas looks surprised. He nods with a small smile and shrugs. “Thanks for coming here. I’m glad that you felt comfortable. I realize I must have put you in an awkward spot bringing you here.”

Matthew runs a thumb on the handle of his cup, and takes a deep breath. He looks at his mug while he does - a plain thing painted with a cheerful orange color - more orange, there’s a clear running theme here. There’s a lot of splashes of orange in this place. “Thanks for acknowledging that.” He eventually lets out. “But I’m the one who called you, so...I’m not entirely blameless. Did you two manage to talk about Arthur at all?” Matthew still doesn’t understand why a simple request to a friend of Arthur’s to check in on the man led to this but who knows? Maybe Lukas didn’t even know why he came here - maybe it was some unknown childhood dynamic thing - have a problem? Where do you go?

Lukas yawns and nods. “Daan will send me a message if he notes or hears that Arthur has been particularly bad, or is looking forward to a stressful time...which actually will be coming up soon. Daan gave me the heads up that has to hand over a large project to him today.” Lukas looks somewhat disappointed but doesn’t say much more. “He’s right though, a lot of what has to be done well...I’m Arthur’s friend. I have to do it, and I’ll start by taking him on a hike this weekend.”

Matthew smiles at that. It’s apt and appropriate. He’s also glad that even though they probably won’t be hiking together in the near future, that Lukas will still be able to give himself a reason to go.

“Speaking of, I’m helping to organize Arthur’s Partner party. I was planning on inviting you, and Belle, and well, Arthur’s friends basically in addition to my department and his current one. Could you do me a favor and think of anyone else who ought to be there while I finish up and get ready for work?”

“Sure.” Lukas shrugs, relieved and happy that they’re back to the topic of a common goal. “It’s basically one other guy, a friend of ours from the MBA. I think I can convince him to come on over. We can discuss the rest on the road.”

Matthew freezes a little standing up. “About that I...uh. Well I guess it’s a compliment that you trust me to drive so...thanks for that. But honestly it never occured to me until last night that being in a car is something that potentially uh, terrifies you so...if you’re ever in my car and uncomfortable you can-”

Lukas lets out a  sardonic laugh. “I’m terrified in very specific circumstances, otherwise it’s fine. But thanks.”

There’s an awkward beat where neither moves and they smile at each other, but it doesn’t last long. Matthew has a meeting to get to.

Before they get into the car though. “You’re sure you’re fine?” Matthew has to ask again.

Lukas just rolls his eyes with a smile. “Ask me anything else. Yes! I’m fine. It’s not like visibility will be terrible in rush hour traffic. At worst, someone may bump into you.”

Matthew laughs and pats his car with reassurance. “Well she may be old but she’s solid. Part of the fun about driving a pick-up in the city is that people generally avoid you. So no bumps.”

Of course, later he realizes that he’s now kind of stuck in a car in rush hour traffic with his ex and even though things were amiable in the morning, it’s a little awkward. He doesn’t know why he ends up asking about Daan, but it was natural to be curious right? He had just woken up in the man’s home. “Was it just me? Or did Daan seem annoyed with me this morning? Did you guys...talk about me last night? If it was an inconvenience having me over, I…”

Lukas snorts, which surprises Matthew, so he shuts up. “Oh God Matthew.” Lukas takes a breath. “Sorry I shouldn’t have laughed. I’m not laughing at you, and I shouldn’t be scoffing at Daan, there’s nothing funny about his situation, I’m just...anyway. Look, Daan isn’t annoyed with you, at all actually. He’s going through a transition right now, so there will be days he’s annoyed with everyone, but mostly himself. There will be days he’s not himself at all. That being said, if he gives you shit, don’t take it. What he’s going through isn’t your fault.”

A wave of worry and concern washes through Matthew for his newest friend, but if Daan has chosen not to share what’s happening with him, well, he’s not going to pry. Something occurs to him and since there’s an oddly open atmosphere between them right now, and he can’t really help but wonder, so he decides to ask.

“Back when I thought they were dating, it’s just hit me right now that you didn’t question me, you accepted it right away as if them together was really believable?” It is rather striking, now that Matthew thinks about it, that Lukas had accepted that scenario. If he had known those two for most his life and thought it was realistic that Daan and Mathias were together, well Matthew couldn’t really be blamed for having the wrong idea either.

Lukas nods slowly with a rueful smile. “Yeah, silly me. Mathias and I only became a thing when I moved back to Canada - after he had already done so much for Emil and my family, but that didn’t mean that I never...liked him before you know? Stupid teenage crushes. But back then I was just a weird neighbour that he knew and was nice to. But he and Daan? They’ve always been very close. Mathias could convince Daan to do all kinds of reckless or stupid things. Anyway, trust me, I know what it’s like when Daan actually is annoyed with someone. He really isn’t annoyed with you. Don’t let him scare you. Besides, you have it in you to be far scarier than he could hope to be.”

Matthew laughs. “Wait, what?! Where did that come from?” Lukas grins and shakes his head. “Matthew, green light.”

“Oh, right! Thanks. You know that’s not going to spare you from that. How am I scary?! Especially compared to Daan, that guy has made people cry with just a glance! I would never do that!”

But Lukas only laughs. “Have you seen this crying thing? Or is it a rumour?”

“It’s! Well...it’s…hmmm.”

Lukas just smirks and shakes his head at some internal thought. “How long have you and Daan been friends by the way?”

Matthew feels a worm of nervousness squirm in his stomach and tries to ignore it. “Took me by surprise to be honest, but the day after we...had dinner, I nearly got run over by a car and Daan was the Partner who was around and made sure I went to see a doctor. We’ve been ...I guess you could say friends since, but it still feels...I dunno, making friends is different when you’re not in school.” He doesn’t know if he’s grateful or not that he never told Lukas about the stupid crush. Well it would be really stupid to bring it up now. What would be the point? “When he’s not being a Partner he’s not that hard to speak to.”

Lukas nods but Matthew can’t see his expression because he has to focus on driving. “That hasn’t been very long.”

“No. Which is why I felt kind of awkward last night, this morning, and all but…” He shrugs. “Everyone was so nice about it, so...thanks again. I mean it, I’m especially grateful, you made sure I was never too out of place for too long. Sometimes it can be kinda lonely when you’re sitting with a group of people who have known each other forever you know?”

Lukas shakes his head and simply says. “No. Thank you.”

It’s the worst meeting he has ever managed in a long time - remotely or in person. Michelle throws him a worried look from her desk and Matthew decides it’s better to hand the meeting over to her instead. She’s technically a manager now, even though she had started this project before that promotion. Anyway, isn’t this the benefit of having more than one manager? If one is having a no-good ‘I’m stupid’ day, there’s a backup? Michelle reads the look on his face and takes over seamlessly. Meanwhile, Matthew mutes his phone and lets out an exasperated sigh. He can’t leave the meeting, but he wishes he could.

Waking up in a different place, Arthur’s problems, his own weird life and weird morning...Daan seemed to be irritated with him, and when Lukas left the car he felt something a little off there too. Or maybe he was just tired, paranoid and anxious, or maybe Matthew just wasn’t good at having his routine messed with.

Michelle handles the meeting with aplomb, there’s not much that he has to do thank goodness, but he’s angry at himself because it’s basic and easy stuff! He spent years of effort into learning how to lead meetings! He had always known it was a potential weakness of his so he’d practice and practice and practice until the freezing nerves mostly became butterfly nerves, but today the freezing nerves had come back. He choked. No matter what sweet words Francis had for him, it appears that there was a good reason why he wasn’t promoted, and Francis could tell. Partners are their magic psychic voodoo when it came to assessing people, shit.

What good was Matthew? No wonder Daan was annoyed with him, no wonder he wasn’t promoted, no wonder Lukas-

“HEY!”

What the?? “Michelle you gave me heart attack!”

Michelle looks down at him in front of his cubicle with a knowing look. “No Matt.” She says softly. “You were doing that to yourself. Come on boss. Early lunch.”

“Wha?”

“Come on! We’ve barely caught up lately and I want to have lunch with you!”

Technically it wasn’t against the rules, if they ate lunch now that just meant packing food and eating it at their desks when they got hungry again since they were eating at an odd hour. Matthew just didn’t want to be irresponsible after this ridiculous two-hour long walkout the last week he was at work before almost getting hit by a car and getting sick. The time away was supposed to have reset everything, this week was supposed to be him returning to normal.

Michelle waves at Francis and points at the door, Matthew doesn’t look because he can’t bear to at that moment, he’s still too raw, and all too happy to let Michelle take the lead. Which she does. She whisks him out the doors into sunlight and fresh air. City people doing their things, even city birds were different from their non-urban cousins. Everyone and everything with a purpose. Except him.

Michelle asks him questions about what he prefers, but thinking is too much effort right now. Maybe he’s just too slow after the enforced holiday. That’s it. Thankfully, Michelle doesn’t point it out, and before long, he’s seated outdoors across from her at a cozy cafe. It’s nice he supposes, but he can’t wave away the guilt building within for making her worry in the first place, or making her take over his work.

“Matt.” Michelle sighs as she slides a cheerful looking rainbow colored cake towards him. “Remember last year when you rescued me?”

What? It must show on his face because Michelle gently reminds him. “Run of the mill, presentation to department heads, I knew all of them, I knew my work, I knew my own findings. Then I just couldn’t explain them. And the more I couldn’t explain, the more I talked, the more I talked, the less sense I made, the less sense I made, the worse it got. Then you stepped in. You have this power Matt, you calm everything and everyone down. You’ve always been able to do that, but it’s just gotten better over the years. Today was just my chance to repay you, at least once. I also remember you telling me afterwards that it happens to all of us.”

Matthew shakes his head and smiles at her kindness. Good ol’ Michelle. “Shell, you had just found out right before you were about to present that your father had been admitted to the hospital. Your family is an 18 hour flight away. We’re only human, of course under such pressure we all need a little help from time to time.”

“Exactly! So...Let me help you! Are you okay to share what happened to you this morning? You came in kinda...out of sorts.”

Matthew can’t help how hot is face is getting, he can only imagine how red he looks right now.

“Oh. My. God! You got laid!”

“What?! No! N-” Matthew whips his head around. Yes it’s not exactly peak hour but there’s still people around damnit! “No, I didn’t get laid!” He whispers urgently, but he doesn’t know if his whisper is actually soft. “How could you-No!”

“Oh Mattie, is that why you’re upset? You didn’t get laid?” Michelle laughs

“NO! What?? Why would I?? No I didn’t-”

“I’m teasing, I’m teasing! Still, that flush is the same flush you used to have over Mr. 7th Floor. I’ve kinda missed seeing it.”

Matthew throws his hands up in the air. Fucking Mr 7th Floor. This is never going away. “Okay I’m not in the mood to put up with the teasing that is the fucking 7th floor. But who I am ready to talk about is Arthur.”

“Arthur?!”

“Yeah.”

And that was how “Project: RESCUE KING LEAR” was born. Why? Because it was Arthur, and as long as they were dealing with him, they were going to use his ridiculous naming conventions.

Perhaps, sensing his raw mood, Michelle decided to stay by his side for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, she also did something else that was magnificent - she took a load off his shoulders.

From: michelle.velle@pkde.ca

To: <FRENCH_ASSUR@pkde.ca>

Subject: PARTY KING LEAR

Okay everyone here’s the deal - Arthur may have left us for greener and noisier pastures but he still started with us and he’s gotten the big promotion. So...just to be clear, I’M PLANNING THE PARTAY!

There will be kiddies, so no alcohol but that doesn’t mean we’re not gonna remind Arthur that we’re better than any of those 7th floor loudspeakers (we’re hotter too ;) ;) )!

Keep your evenings clear - you’re all getting instructions from me soon.

It’s quiet and dark out when Matthew finishes up for the day. He only found his focus and stride halfway through the afternoon so he decided to stay to get caught up on everything. It was easier after everyone left - as much as he liked them, it was peaceful. He didn’t want to bring work home anymore.

Matthew isn’t the last person out of the building. There are other stragglers on his floor, but his team is tucked in a corner, so Matthew feels comfortable and left alone with himself. He stretches and yawns without care because no one is looking, making sure that he feels and hears the pops and little cracks in his back as he does so.

“Ugh...that feels good.” He’s been too fucking stiff lately. Matthew places his feet up on his desk and stares at the ceiling unseeing for a while. It doesn’t hurt to breathe a little and close his mind off from work before driving home. Of course, it’s at the very point that he feels the most comfortable that his stomach growls. Of course.

Matthew lets out a sigh. He doesn’t feel like cooking, and he’s a little too hungry to wait for takeout. He would prefer to just go home. Looked like it was going to be a vending machine dinner once he actually got the energy to -

“You’re not actually supposed to sleep here you know.”

What? Matthew reluctantly turns his head away from the white ceiling and - oh fuck. “What are you doing -” He knocks some books off his desk as he tries to get his feet off it - shit “here?” Smooth Matt. Real smooth. He sighs and doesn’t bother picking them up, he’ll do that after. Instead he looks up.

Daan looks tired. “You look tired.” Well it’s 9pm and the man is still in the office as well, so of course he is. “Well, it’s-uh...nevermind.”

“Yeah. So do you.”

Matthew really can’t be surprised by the awkward silence that followed. He’s awake enough to be grateful that the second time Daan turns up at his desk is when none of his colleagues are around. That puts a smile on his face.

Somehow, Daan is smiling now too. Objectively speaking, tired Daan smiling is a good look. It’s not like he’s grinning like a fiend or anything, it’s just that with his eyes a little bleary and the corners of his lips have moved up, it’s enough to just soften him a little.

“Anyway, what brings you down here? Well, up here?” Matthew finally lets out.

Daan shrugs. “I saw your status online, still logged into work. Realized you didn’t sleep well this morning, so if you were in, I thought I’d deliver some goods.” He says as he lifts both hands.  

It’s just two plain paper bags but damn, Matthew can smell the goodness from where he is. “How? Where?”

“Ordered delivery. For a couple of months now, I’ve made sure I order extra to make sure that Emil eats dinner too. Well he’s not working late today, so I figure. my mattress sucks or I need to tell my brother to shower more often. You did not look like a guy who slept well this morning.”

That makes Matthew laugh too much, he doesn’t know why. “Oh my God, don’t. The bed smelled fine, the sheets were nice. The mattress was firm, there was nothing wrong with your hospitality. Hell you even fed me, I haven’t been so pampered, ever! Stop being so nice, I’m alive, I’m thriving. But thanks.”

“So you don’t want-”

“Fuck yes, give me the food! ...please. I was just about to go home anyway. You  need a ride? Or are you going to cycle back? If not, I drive a pickup, your bike will fit in the back.”

Daan seems to chuckle as he rolls over a chair, picks up Matthew’s books, and settles down. “I shouldn’t cycle back when I’m this tired. Anyway, I’m not done yet, I actually have to get more shit down after this, need input from Japan, but I’ll call an Uber home. My bike is safely standing in my allocated parking spot. Everyone knows it’s my bike. No one fucks with it even when I leave it overnight. If they fuck with it-”

“Okay I get it. So your bicycle gets its own parking spot. My pickup is jealous.” Figures - Matthew can just imagine that orange bicycle proudly standing between Porsches and BMWs.

Daan looks up with mock disappointment. “Matthew really. You’re not going to let me boast about what happens to anyone who fucks with my bike?”

“Dude I’m hungry.” He was about to say ‘and I’m tired’ but it wasn’t quite as true now as it was just a few moments ago.

Daan shoves the bag over, shaking his head. “Eat up then. Even the young’uns aren’t here. So it’s just us old fogies.” He says, as he tears open his own paper bag.

“You’re eating at my desk?!”

Daan is trying his hardest not to grin now and barely manages to shrug. “What, did you think I was going to mess up my desk?”

“I can’t believe you.” Matthew rolls his chair over to hit Daan’s in revenge - what good are wheels for if you can’t use them for a little bumper chairs once in a while?

“Hey! Do you want a clean desk or not?!”

Matthew has to turn away because he’s grinning too hard. “You’re cleaning up my desk if it gets messed up-”

“What?”

“I swear, because you’re the one who-”

“That’s a great ‘thank you’ for bringing you food. Holy fuck Matthew Williams, after everyone said you’re the ‘epitome of what a gentleman is.’ I’m surprised.”

He shouldn’t be laughing this hard. “Excuse me you’re giving me Emil’s leftovers! Fine, I’ll go easy on you. But you need to tell me what people say about me in return. And that...was so totally Arthur omg. What else do they say?”

Matthew is pretty sure that Daan is making the rest of it up, but it doesn’t matter. It’s one of the best work dinners he’s had - ever.

[christinegphillips]

22 Popular Questions About The Law Of Attraction

I don’t really care what people think or say about the “law of attraction” because whether you think it works or not it definitely has done lots for my life.

The secret to it all however is not to take everything too literally but you should first and foremost have a purpose and meaning in life. With this in mind and you have a plan of what you want to achieve in life then everything will start to make sense.

LOA isn’t simply a process of closing your eyes and manifesting what you want and it just appears before you and that is why a lot of people do not believe in it’s approach. When you use common sense and are a good person, give love, give kindness and do everything you can to live a life with purpose then the law of attraction will step in and provide you with your wants and desires.

The Law Of Attraction – Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels

Life really isn’t that hard as long as you follow a few simple rules which I outline below

Don’t let other people control your life. Life your life for you

Don’t let other people’s opinions change the way you think about yourself

Always surround yourself with people that encourage and support you

Work your hardest at all times

Have a plan and an aim in life and follow it through

Smile because you want to, not because you have to

Don’t take things personally

Learn to critique yourself and improve on your habits

Give love, kindness, generosity and help to everyone

Don’t do things you know are wrong and could get in trouble for

Live freely and enjoy life

Reward yourself when you need to

Believe in yourself

If you swear to live by the above rules then you will realize that life does reward you for it. Whether you think it is the cosmic universe, god or whoever that gives these things to you, it doesn’t matter as long as you get off your bum and live a life of happiness for yourself and others.

50 Questions About The Law Of Attraction

What are the 3 laws of attraction? Like attracts like, The present is always perfect, nature abhors a vacuum. My versions of the 3 laws are – Be kind, be generous, be grateful

What does the law of attraction mean? The law of attraction itself is about manifesting your ideal life to the universe and asking it for what you want and not what you don’t want. Most people concentrate on the negatives in life which is why they always seem to keep getting pulled backwards instead of moving forwards. When you see everything in life as simply a lesson it allows you to keep moving forward in life.

How does the law of attraction work? It works by having a positive nature and projecting the good things in your life that you want and you are also grateful for. When you have a plan in life and you can see where you are going the law of attraction will show you how to get there. It is by projecting this path that you have to let the LOA guide you as to the how.

Do you believe in law of attraction? Yes almost definitely, maybe not all components of it but I have manifested plenty of things in my life, from houses, to cars, to my new wife. When you have clarity of mind and thoughts and know what you want, document that want and keep projecting it, you become more noticeable about the things around you. This leads to attraction but you have to do something to get there in first place. As an example I made my ideal wish of the women I wanted in my life, but if I hadn’t have joined an online dating site it is highly likely that I would not have met her in the first place.

Does The Law of Attraction work for love? Yes absolutely as I said above I manifested the image of my perfect lover who is now my wife too. You cannot make someone love you but I was lucky that my wife was also manifesting something similar which happened to bring us together. Write down what your ideal partner looks like, the personality you want and project that in your thoughts in the morning and when you go to bed and most importantly believe that you will meet them.

What are the 7 Laws of the Universe?

The Law of vibration

The law of relativity

The law of cause and effect

The law of polarity

The law of gestation

The law of rhythm

The law of transmutation

How do you use the law of attraction step by step?

Know what you want in life

Be specific about what the want is down to exact details

Give a time when you want this by

Determine what you are willing to do in return

Think about what your life will look like with this item in it

Think what value this item will bring to your life and others

Set a plan on how you think you can achieve it

Manifest and project your image daily

Work everyday towards that goal

Record your actions and rewards and wait

How can I study law of attraction? There is lots of information on the law of attraction itself and there are plenty of books to read too. If you need help living a life of your dreams then check out my transformation program at change your life forever and I will help you will daily videos to get to where you want to be in life.

What is law of attraction in psychology? Psychologists may look at the law of attraction in a similar way to CBT. Whereby you have to try and live a good life and that thoughts are just thoughts. Again I am sure many of them would recommend it and many would poo poo the idea too.

Can you attract someone by thinking about them? Absolutely as mentioned above I wrote down everything I wanted in my partner and very descriptively too. I even said I wanted someone like Wonder Woman and when I met my wife for the first time and told her this, she pulled out her car keys with a Wonder Woman on her key ring. So I know it definitely works, you just have to specific about what you want, visualize it and see them in your life, then take steps to find them.

How do you manifest a relationship with a specific person? This is a hard one because if they are not thinking the same then this may not work. So you should manifest the particular pieces you want in someone and not necessarily a specific person as they could be with someone, be in love with someone else or your not their type. If you concentrate on manifesting someone based on what you want however this is more likely to come to fruition if you follow the above tips.

How long does Law of Attraction take to work? That all depends on how many things you are asking for, how specific you are about your wants, what time frames you requested this to happen. For small things to come, this can happen in a day and normally for big things I have found 1mth to 6mths depending on what I have been manifesting.

Is The Law of Attraction Delusional? To some people yes it is a big pile of mumbo jumbo and that is to be expected as we all have our differing viewpoints on life. If you are willing to put in the effort in life and follow the rules above, there is no reason that it will not work for you.

How do you attract a specific person with mind power? This is all about visualization, so write down exactly in detail what this person looks like, what you like about them, what they should like about you, what value you will bring to each others lives, see yourselves together and keep visualizing daily until you see something working. It might not be that specific person but it will be someone who is very close to your wants and desires.

How do you do a 17 second manifestation? Go somewhere quiet where you can have complete clarity of mind and no disturbances what so ever. Have in mind prior what you want to visualize and bring into your life. Look at a picture or the words of what you want. Close your eyes and see yourself with what you want and how good it makes you feel and then keep on doing it.

How do u make someone miss u? This is a hard question because when you are totally head over heels in love with someone, you cannot stand to be away from them. But if you want someone to miss you can use LOA for that you just have to make them want to come back to you, so love them, give kindess, lots of hugs and make them feel like they are the best person in the World and they will come back to you with a smile on their face.

How can I increase my attraction power? By being consistent is the key to this one. You can’t just project what you want once and expect it to happen. It takes daily manifestation sessions to see what you want, feel it, experience it and do it daily until it comes into your life.

Who discovered the law of attraction? Helena Blavatsky back in 1877 first mentioned it and since then there has been lots of practitioners, Abraham and Ester Hicks, Bob Proctor, Jack Cranfield and Rhonda Bhyrne

How do you write a manifestation list? My list contains of

What is it that I want

Be specific, colour, shape, size etc

When do you want it be

What value will add to your life and others

What are you willing to give in return

How will you feel when you receive it

Enjoy the manifestation journey of visualizing it all

How can I talk to the universe by law of attraction? Go to a quiet place so you have complete clarity of mind. After writing down what you want and your manifestation list, close your eyes relax and give as much time going over how you feel when you obtain your wish. Ask the universe for it and be thankful and grateful that you will receive it.

Why Loa is not working for me? The likely case for this is that you are not being consistent enough and wanting too many things. Concentrate on one thing as the law of attraction does have a habit of delivering what you want quickly when you visualize properly. Also you do have to put your feet on the path, so there is no point wishing for something just to appear. For instance if you want a new car, ask for a pay rise, or apply for better jobs, but you have to make the first step in the first place.

How do you know if manifestation is working? This is why you need to have a plan and also write down what you want in the first place. Then you can refer back and see that actually you did get the things you wanted you just didn’t realize that you had truly manifested them.

So there you have it these are my 22 popular questions about the law of attraction and I hope it gave you a better insight into how it works. Don’t forget to join my transformation program also where I will help you live a happier life.

Take care and best wishes for the future Scott

22 Popular Questions About The Law Of Attraction published first on https://changeurlifeforever.blogspot.com/

[mjvliteraryblog-blog]

Do People Actually Judge A Book By Its Cover? Why Your Book’s Cheap Exterior Might Be Hiding A Literary Gem

  Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexel

“You can’t judge a book by its binding.”   Passage from the African journal American Speech, 1944.

Just two years after this phrase was coined, it would go on to be adapted into mainstream idiom and pop culture, first and most notably in the book Murder In the Glass Room, by Edwin Rolfe and Lester Fuller, which featured the phrase “You can never tell a book by its cover.”  On the surface, of course, this is a self-explanatory term, and even as a metaphor for any large number of scenarios and character assessments, its meaning is clear.  However, metaphors and analogies aside, perhaps ironically, a field in which it is quite difficult to simply nod agreement with this is when actually judging a book by its cover.

WHY JUDGING A BOOK BY ITS COVER SAYS MORE ABOUT YOU THAN IT DOES ABOUT THE BOOK

To many, the answer may be straightforward: yes, we do judge books by their covers and no, perhaps we shouldn’t, but that doesn’t stop us.  Absolutely, this is true on both counts for many people.  However, there are many reasons why the answer to this question is actually more profound than it may first appear, and why its answer – individual to each of us - actually reveals far more about our own personality traits than it does about the writer, the book, the designer who created it, the publisher who chose it, or even the decision to print it.  What it raises in us - those actually making the judgement - is questions of how much importance we place on perceptive visual importance, stereotypical presumptions, patience, openness to and tolerance of new talent, respect for opportunity, assumptions of financially social inferiority and perhaps more than anything else, loyalty.

IS READER LOYALTY EXCLUSIVE TO THE RICH AND FAMOUS?

To add a measure of context to that list, let’s first consider the last of them: loyalty.  If I explain that in this case I mean loyalty to authors with which we have already established our position in their fandom – most likely famous – then perhaps the list might start to make more immediate sense.  Consider the newest novel you bought by your favourite best-selling author – you may remember the title (you actually might not), but can you recall, without checking, the cover?  Try to, right now.  One thing which will almost certainly have been true of it, assuming your best-selling author is a famous one, is that his or her name was in much larger font than the actual title of the book, itself.  Check your latest Stephen King or Michelle Obama book – it is a safe bet that the author’s name is at least 30-40% larger than the title.  What kind of a message does this send, then?  That if you are a famous, established author the cover doesn’t matter – even the title of your book doesn’t matter?  If it’s a horror, it used Chiller font and a dark theme… probably; perhaps there were pictures of balloons or a pram, but who can remember?  All that matters is the author who wrote it, and that it is the one you don’t own yet.  The book might be bad – the cover might be terrible - but you’ll still probably buy his or her next one.

Compare this, now, to a new, unknown author.  Those of us fortunate enough to work in the literary industry with up-and-coming authors should see things – including shabby book covers - very differently, and should pride ourselves on an inclination to appreciate the less superficial qualities mentioned in that list: openness, opportunity and new creative talent; this is, of course, a vital element of our profession. As a book reviewer, beta-reader and copy-editor, I myself am acutely aware that amongst every dozen or so rough stones there is a diamond (to shamelessly use yet another clichéd metaphor).  That diamond may be hidden within a low-resolution crust of an exterior, which is offensive to the eye and needs not just polishing, but entirely discarding – of course, I won’t know this unless I dig.  Many new authors may be unpublished; they may also be broke financially, unable to commission anything more expensive than some free or cheap Photoshop-alternative.  So, rubbing their hands in excitement and anticipation of their new graphic design hobby, they become hands-on and expand their skillset to include book covers.  With glee and relish, the author then prides himself that he is able to make a cover and can now do Photoshop-ish.  But, is it right?  Quite simply, is it good enough?

WHY BOOKS BY UNKNOWN AUTHORS HAVE TO LOOK TWICE AS GOOD – AND BE INSTANTLY RECOGNIZABLE!

By this rationale, is it therefore fair to say that if you are a famous author - probably wealthy with a loyal fan base - we have a right to judge your cover critically and view it cynically, whereas if you are an up-and-coming new face, we should afford you leniency for your budget and withhold judgement until we have read it?  After all, for all we know behind that cover may be one of those hidden gems – and, behind some there absolutely, undoubtedly will be.  Well, no actually; this is the very reason why you should not expect leniency!  You don’t have the luxury of a half-page author name self-selling your new book – you have yet to achieve that status.  Besides, the better your book is, the more enticing your cover should be!  I designed all of my own book covers, and whilst deeply proud of every single one of them, they have been upgraded and reissued over the years.  Why?  Because they weren’t good enough to reflect what was inside them.  Whilst you should always strive to create the best art you can – both inside and outside of the cover – your book’s cover is invariably little more than a shop window, with one primary objective: to get people inside it.  And, even whilst those in the business are less likely to judge a book so harshly by its cover, they are still going to have an inevitable, innate aversion to really bad covers; avoiding creating a terrible cover is a good place for you to start selling your book.  In fact, I’ll admit that there is undoubtedly still some degree to which a cover might help me select my next review read.  In spite of this, take a look at the BOOK REVIEW BLOG – seek out the books which have been awarded 5-star reviews and take a look at the poor quality of some of their covers; they gave no indication of the immense quality of what I was about to read.  

Image property of MJV Literary Author Services

Whilst you are there, by the same inverted principle, look for the lower scoring reviews; those with a professionally created and undoubtedly more expensive high-res cover – it would perhaps be a safe bet to assume that these would have more sales on Amazon than the rough gems do.  This is a tragic waste, and all the more reason why a good cover is so important.  By earlier asking “is it good enough”, of course the question refers to its defining measure: good enough to sell.  As far as the paying readership goes, sadly, and often inaccurately, they undoubtedly judge a book by its cover, if not totally, then to enough of an extent that this factor cannot be simply ignored when conducting your analytics – the number of Amazon sales will probably speak for themselves, as far as professional covers goes.  Whilst I am certain there is a huge number of people with the sense to acknowledge that an extremely good quality book may be hindered by its unknown author’s lack of budget, there are also most definitely particular universal expectations of the cover, which are consistent with genre – if you can’t tell your reader how good the book is, at least tell them what it is about, by its cover; at the very, very least, your cover must ascertain genre, even to be visible to your market audience.  Too many books hide their action-thriller credential behind a stock cover of a mountain – this means very little to a browsing reader.  I earlier mentioned the horror theme, briefly; sci-fi fans will probably expect high-resolution, technologically stunning imagery and artwork; period or romantic readers may be looking for beautiful scenery or lavish, costume-wearing characters; action readers will prefer a gripping, rousing cover, maybe featuring weapons or cash; family drama may invoke expectations of emotional people in melancholy and poignant poses; take a look at the colour themes of other books in yours’ genre, because they all have them…  The point is, if there is only one piece of advice to be taken from this article, it is that your cover, at the very least, must be recognizable to your target reader at first glance – or at least enticing - otherwise your marketing work is going to be a whole lot more difficult!  When you are rich and famous, your cover might not need to be memorable or even good, but at first glance it will still meet the genre theme, and that will be enough.

A GOOD BOOK COVER IS AN INVESTMENT

As far as goes any degree of importance readers place on the character traits mentioned - perceptive visual importance, stereotypical presumptions, patience, openness to and tolerance of new talent, respect for opportunity, assumptions of financially social inferiority and loyalty  – all people are different, and each respects some of these qualities more than others; this is a calculation you must make for yourself, as the author or indie publisher paying to produce your book, and adapt to your buyers’ persona.  One thing is clear, though, and probably made more so by looking at the not-so-good books which are selling well, rather than by the good ones which aren’t: a professional book cover may not be a creative necessity, but it is a business one - a relatively cheap investment, too, considering it is your book’s shop window.  Take a look at some AFFILIATED COVER DESIGNERS and their rates – you might be surprised.

Posted by Matt McAvoy: 31st July 2019

[unwindword22]

Things to do in santorini

Santorini is the dreamy, romantic, drop-dead gorgeous bucket list location that better be on everyone’s list. We visited Santorini for our honeymoon (as cliché as we could be). We saw a few other Greek islands but hands down – Santorini is the winner! There are so many things to do in Santorini that you are bound to have a great time.

The island is intimately small allowing visitors to easily explore every corner while enjoying the views of the breath-taking Aegean Sea. And by breath-taking, I mean – your jaw will be open in absolute amazement.

In this blog you will find almost all-important things you HAVE to do in Santorini.

Put on your comfy shoes and a photo-op-worthy outfit – we’re going to explore Santorini!

IMAGE CREDITS: ALEKSANDAR PASARIC ON PIXELS

LIST

1. TAKE A YACHT RIDE TO THE VOLCANIC ISLANDS

Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Taking the yacht ride was one good decision and we highly recommend it.

You can sign up for a tour (there are too many options to choose from) or you can take a private boat and sail by yourself (taking a private boat will mean a deep hole in your pocket)

The tour generally takes you around the volcanic island where you can see an active volcano, swim in a hot spring, watch the Red Beach, Lighthouse,etc

This tour is available through various vendors with a variety of options like duration (4-8 hours), budget (ranging from 80-1400 Euros per person) and mood (romantic, party, adventure, etc). These rides happen in two shifts one is in the morning and one is for the sunset (personally the sunset slot is more romantic). Click here to know more

PHOTO BY PARTH LOHIA

2. WINE NOT?

Wine production in Santorini is an ancient tradition and it’s not a secret that the volcanic soil produces a unique taste of wine.

You can opt for a wine tour or get there yourself.

If you take the tour, your tour operator will take you around a couple of  different wineries and explain the history and the wine making process followed by wine tasting (honestly, most of these places are similar so going to any one or two winerys would suffice).

If you want to explore on your own ,which we recommend, you could go to Santo Wines and/or Venetsanos winery. They not only have great wine and winemaking tour but also breathtaking views. Click here to know more

IMAGE CREDITS: SANTO WINES, SANTORINI.

3. SANTORINI HELICOPTER TOUR

This is pretty close to unforgettable. A wonderful tour above Santorini, the volcano, the caldera, and all the villages perched along the cliff.

If you’re going to Mykonos you can also do a helicopter transfer between Santorini and Mykonos – which is fun, easy, and way faster than the ferry.

PHOTO BY ANDREAS NEXTVOYAGEPL ON UNSPLASH

4. JET SKI TOUR TO THE VOLCANO

An insanely fun and unique way of seeing the caldera.

There are different tours that go different places – all leave from Perivolos in the south of the island.

The shortest tour (“South Tour”) visits nearby Red Beach and White Beach and lasts about 90 minutes.

The medium-length (“Volcano Tour”, 140 minutes) goes all the way into the caldera and stops for a swim in the hot springs by the volcano.

The longest tour (“Extreme Volcano Tour”, 200 minutes) takes the volcano tour and adds Thirassia and Ammoudi Bay.

The tours that go into the caldera are pretty intense and the waves can be big.

There’s a motorboat with the tour the whole way so if someone needs a break they can switch to the boat and one of the staff will ride the jet ski.

IMAGE CREDITS: PIXELS

5. SANTORINI KAYAK TOUR

Wonderfully fun! The Morning Tour and Sunset Tour explore the south coast of Santorini (cool but you don’t get to see the caldera).

The Lighthouse Tour goes into the caldera and provides incredible views of the caldera cliffs.

The tour generally starts at Akrotiri Beach. Most tour operators provide pick up  and drop-off service from your accommodation.

PHOTO BY SERGIO SOUZA FROM PIXELS

6. WALK THE VOLCANO

The island in the middle of the caldera is Nea Kameni and that’s where you’ll find the island’s active volcano and the top point of interest in Santorini.

The crater is 130 meters up and takes about 20 minutes to walk.

Sulfur vents are found along the way.

The only way to get here is by doing a volcano boat tour or hiring a chartered boat.

PHOTO BY JIMMY TEOH FROM PEXELS

7. SWIM AT AMMOUDI BAY

One of the best swimming spots on Santorini is down the cliff from Oia at a spot just south of the Ammoudi port.

Walk or drive to Ammoudi Bay then take the path that leads south from the restaurants in the port (can’t miss it, there’s only one way to go).

It’s a 5 minute walk to a small island (Agios Nikolaos) that you can swim out to. Then jump from the ledge (if you want).

PHOTO BY ELENA ZHURAVLEVA FROM PEXELS

8. SWIM IN THE HOT SPRINGS

Jump from the boat into the cold water of the caldera then swim towards the warm water of the volcanic hot springs, talk about adventure and having fun!

It never gets hot but it’s warm enough to never feel the need to get out. The only way to get to the hot springs is by doing a boat tour.

IMAGE CREDITS: UNKNOWN

9. RED BEACH

Just down the road from the Akrotiri ruins, Red Beach is the most spectacular and picturesque of any Santorini beach.

From the bus stop or car park it’s about a 15 minute walk to the beach. (Sometimes closed due to the risk from falling rock, please check before you go and proceed at your own risk.)

PHOTO BY ZORAN ZONDE STOJANOVSKI ON UNSPLASH

10. DRIVE OR RIDE AROUND THE ISLAND.

We drove around the entire island, from one end to the other TWICE.

We stopped at a few beaches, ate lunch, took a million photos and ended the day in Oia to watch the sunset.

It’s such a liberating feeling to do whatever you want and, in another country, serious double whammy of freedom. No tour guides, no waiting on public transportation. Talk about an amazing moment

If you do nothing else but this while visiting Santorini, you’ll still have the best damn time ever. This is such a must-do, can’t say it enough.

Tips:

Before hunting down a place to rent your car, ask your hotel if they can help. This will save lots of time & trouble.

The average cost is 70 euros for an entire day rental and can go up to 200 euros if you like something fancier. We paid around 90 euros including fuel for a convertible Mini Cooper.

If you plan on riding after sunset, pack a jacket for the ride home.

Bring a camera, what you’re about to see will blow your mind.

PHOTO BY SANTORINI HOTELS ON PINTEREST

11. STAY AT A CAVE HOTEL ON THE CALDERA

Throughout all my travels, budgeting is always necessary. So we generally don’t spend too much on accommodation, because you won’t really be using the hotel facilities if you are roaming around the entire day.  But we must admit, Santorini is such an exception.We agreed that staying in a beautiful hotel with the postcard view of Santorini was a necessity.

We chose Aqua Luxury Suites & couldn’t be happier. The hotel is truly paradise & set the tone for our entire experience. The staff was lovely, the rooms were clean & just enough space, and the VIEW was out of this world! Also, they serve you breakfast just outside your room on a private dining table with a view to die for. For more details about where to stay in Santorini, please click here

IMAGE CREDITS: UNKNOWN

12. STAY IN A WINDMILL

Yes, you heard that right. You can stay on this windmill. It’s the Windmills Suite at Golden Sunset Villas in Oia and it’s pretty incredible.

It sits at the tip of Oia where everyone gathers to watch the sunset – but you have this huge patio with incredible views all to yourself (it can easily fit 20 people if you had friends staying nearby and wanted to host a sunset party).

The bad news: there’s only one true windmill suite in Santorini. – So book early.

IMAGE CREDITS: PIXYBAY

13.WATCH THE SUNSET FROM OIA & FIRA

This is a requirement when traveling to Santorini – no ifs no buts about it.

Both locations are prime time sunset-watching so pick your poison. We preferred Fira over Oia because you can see the amazing caldera on your right and a  beautiful volcano in front of you at the same time also you won’t have to pay for overpriced cocktails or fight for a space to watch the sunset in Fira which is definitely the case in Oia. Grab a drink or have a meal while you enjoy the sun go down.

PHOTO BY YU SIANG TEO ON UNSPLASH

14. GREEK FOOD

This goes without saying, right? No matter where you’re traveling to, make it a high priority to seeking out delicious and authentic food.

Most meals are filled with fresh seafood, fresh vegetables, olives, and homemade hummus. Don’t fear, it’s not all healthy though! There are delicious and not so healthy options – like Saganaki and Moussaka (which I highly recommend ordering at every meal).

Remember most places consider seafood as a vegetarian so please be specific about what you want.

Our top recommendation has to be Lucky’s. Pito Gyros in Oia is also good. Please click here to know more about where to eat in Santorini.

PHOTO BY LOUIS HANSEL ON UNSPLASH

15. EXPLORE ON FOOT!

Last but certainly not least, please relax and disconnect from the day to day.two reasons why you must do this are first, you have paid a considerable amount on your amazing caldera accommodation and secondly, there is no better way of exploring and place than on foot. When on foot, you can explore the tiny lanes, and pick up some cute souvenirs and not forget the beautiful pictures you will be able to click!

Enjoy each and every moment of the trip because it’s so incredibly special and breath-taking.

If you find yourself in Santorini or anywhere for that matter, be so thankful & grateful for that opportunity (some people will never get it).

[syntaxxxblogs]

30 Sites to Get Free Images (updated for 2020)

There are probably hundreds of sites with free images out there, yet when you start searching for that special image you want to use in your design, you might end up spending lots of time in vain. In order not to waste your time, here is a selection of some really good sites with free images. In addition to sites with free images with some restrictions in their use, the list includes many public domain image sites as well, the images of which generally can be used in any way you deem fit. As with all free stuff you find on the Internet, if you plan to use it for commercial projects, always read the license first because some sites, or some pictures on an otherwise free site, are free for personal use only and/or require attribution. I know, it's boring to do it but this is the price of free stuff.

1. Sxc.hu

Of all the sites with free images, this site with a totally unpronounceable name has been my favorite for years. The reason is pretty simple – it has a wonderful selection of images in almost all niches. The interface of Sxc.hu doesn't look very exciting but this comes second to the rich choice of images they offer.

2. Deviant Art

Deviant Art offers much more than free images. For a designer, this is a site to check daily because it's one of the best galleries on the Net where designers all over the world showcase their talents. The site isn't dedicated specifically to free images – whether an image is free to use commercially or not depends solely on its author, so when you pick an image you'd like to use, check what uses the author allows. Some authors release their images in the public domain, while others don't allow any commercial use.

3. Flickr

Flickr is another popular destination when you are looking for free images. It has a vast selection of images, not all of which are licensed for commercial use. As with the other sites, you need to check if a particular image is licensed under a Creative Commons license and if yes, which version of CC because this defines what you can (and can't do) with this image.

4. Wikimedia Commons

Wikimedia is another huge source of images licensed under a Creative Commons license but the allowed uses vary from one image to the next, so again, check in advance the restrictions applicable to that particular photo you like. Wikimedia Commons has images in any category imaginable and generally their quality is good or even superb. In addition to still images, it also offers videos.

5. pixabay

Unlike the other sites, pixabay is an image search engine. It lists results to many public domain images as well. Depending on the niche you are searching images in, the number of retrieved results varies drastically but even in narrow niches you can still find lots of stuff.

6. Public Domain Pictures

As the name itself implies, this site is dedicated to free public domain pictures but as the site itself states, some images might require a model or property release, so check this before you use an image commercially. Most of the images are large in size and with good quality. The site is free to use but downloads require registration.

7. Public Domain Image

Public Domain Image is another site with images in the public domain. This isn't a site with millions of images but the ones it has across numerous niches are of good quality, so they deserve your attention. The size of the images varies but many large images can be found on this site.

8. Pexels

No list for websites with free images would be complete without Pexels. They have one of the biggest collection of curated stock images on the web and is of the most sought after providers for free stock images. They have even started providing stock videos, exciting isn't it?

9. pdpics

The list of sites with public domain images goes on with pdpics. Unlike the other sites with public domain images that have gathered such images from all over the Net, or have scanned them from old sources, the images on this site are taken by their in-house photographers. This gives more assurance that the images are really in the public domain and that they are unique. Additionally, here you can find really huge images, which go well for print, not only for the Web. The site asks for a link back, so if this is not a problem for you, you can link back to them.

10. The Photo Section of All Free Download

There are many nice photos here, though the site is not dedicated to them only. All Free Download is another site I frequently visit because they have many free goodies a designer loves. The quality of the images varies but generally it's good enough for use in commercial projects. On this site I've managed to find many images in narrow niches that were hard to find even on stock photo sites.

11. morgueFile

morgueFile is one of the oldest sources of free images and its collection is pretty impressive. There are lots of large images here and as a whole, the quality of images is more than decent. In fact, there were times when I stocked myself with free images mostly from here, though in some niches the choice is somehow limited.

12. Free Stock Image Site

This is one more site with free stock images that can be used in both personal and commercial projects. There are many images across various niches and their overall quality is quite good. The description of images includes some technical data, such as the camera model, aperture, etc., as well, which is good, if technical data is of importance to you.

13. Unsplash

Unsplash can boast of 325000+ great quality images and they have over 60000 contributors across the world. They obviously donot compare to some of the other sites that have millions of images but they do real justice to the the quality of images that are offered. 8 out of 10 times you would find a good fit for your need here.

14. Free Stock Photos

Free Stock Photos doesn't have the largest collection of images but it does have some really cute ones in many categories. One of the things I don't like about this site is that very often the largest image size is quite small for many purposes (like 800x600 pixels) but if you need it for an online blog or for a site, this size is quite OK.

15. Picdrome

Picdrome is one more site with public domain images. The number of images is kind of modest but if you find what you are looking for, numbers don't matter. In terms of image size the choice varies – from what I browsed I think most images are quite small in size (1000x1000 pixels or less) but for many uses even this size is OK.

16. Stock Free Images

This is one more site with free images but it is powered by Dreamstime. The negative is that you will see links to stock images on Dreamstime all the time, but the on the positive side, the partnership with one of the leading stock image sites is great because the quality (and topical diversity) of the images on Stock Free Images is really good.

17. Free Digital Photos

Free Digital Photos has a huge collection of images but I doubt this will be your first choice, if you are searching for free images because there is a catch. Only the smallest sizes, like 400x300, are free and they do require attribution. If you want larger photos, you need to pay. Still, if you are OK with small sizes and you find an image you like, this site is not totally useless.

18. Open Clipart

There are two kinds of designers – one who like clipart, and one who hate it. If you are in the first group, then you will certainly appreciate this site. Open Clipart is one of the largest clipart collections on the Web. Additionally, all its images are public domain.

19. Pikwizard

Pikwizard has an enormous number of images across a variety of different categories. And apart from the usual stuff you find on most of the free image providers, Pikwizard also has a good arsenal of image editing tools. Obviously they have a free tier that provides you the basic set of features to fulfill the humble needs. But they have a paid version with a whole suite of tools for the users who are hungry for more power when it comes to editing images online.

20. Clker

Clker is another site with tons of clipart and photos. The arrangement of stuff is somehow peculiar – they do have topical categories but many images are classified under a color category (i.e. pink, red, green, etc.), which is cute, if you are more interested in the color of the image than in its contents and not so cute otherwise. Aside from this, Clker is a great site with lots of unique images.

21. Reusable Art

Reusable Art is full of vintage stuff - free drawings, paintings, and illustrations from old print materials. Many of the images there are more than a century old but they are still usable. Again, if you hold vintage art to modern graphic standards, the quality might seem too low but since this is vintage, you'd better enjoy its value than be picky about the sharpness of the outlines, for example.

22. 1 Million Free Pictures

Despite its name, the site hardly has 1 million free pictures but this is not what matters. What matters more, is the quality of the images and here you will find many high quality photos. Some of the images are in the public domain, while others are just free, so always check what rules apply to the particular image(s) you have chosen.

23. Unrestricted Stock

Unrestricted Stock offers lots of free photos and vectors. Here you can find textures and patterns as well. There are also many hand drawn images, as well as a couple of free PSD files. All in all, this site offers really good free images.

24. Free Range Stock

Compared to the other sites with thousands or even millions of images, this one looks like a poor relative but if you can't find photos you like on the other sites, it won't hurt to check this one, too. If you want to download images, you need to register.

25. Foter

If the number displayed on site is correct, this site has about 230 million free images. This is pretty impressive! However, when you pick images, pay attention to the license because not all images on this site are free for commercial use.

26. Reshot

Reshot is really a great community of people looking to help out each other; essentially you have photographers who would like to share their creative work on one side and on the other side people who are looking for such creatives. The whole community is free but that doesn't at all undermine the quality of the creatives and the list is curated too.

27. Rawpixel

It is pretty evident that Rawpixel has one of the most diverse set of images or stock photo collections on the web that spans across vectors, PSD mockups, and some of the public domain content too. Apart from the free stock images/photos they also have a paid images, and it is great to know that a part of the proceeds received goes as a contribution towards 'Hope for Children'

28. Canva

Canva is more popular as an image editing tool (and is pretty good at it) but they do have a humble repository of stock images and photos that can be used. You can even just get the stock image edited right there on the platform to create a completely new and unique image for your usage.

29. Crello

Crello is similar to Canva being an image editing tool, but again Crello also provides a repository of free stock images and photos that you can choose to customize using their suite of image editing tools.

30. Google Advanced Image Search

This one might be a surprising one on the list, but is evidently by far one of the most powerful options in the list. Google's image search has it's own algorithm and set of search tools that can help you find free to use images across the web pretty quickly If this list seems a long one to you, trust me when I say there are many more free image sites that are not included in this list. We have updated the list taking off the ones that are no longer active and adding some of the new ones that have gained a lot of popularity over last few years. But I guess I probably have missed some major ones, too – I apologize for this but these 30 sites that made the list are the ones I think are really good and worth browsing. Follow my blog with Bloglovin Read the full article

[stephenaltrogge-blog]

Our church recently showed a video about a woman we support, who works on “Mercy Ships,” an incredible ministry that brings medical help to thousands of people who are too poor to pay for medical treatment.

Also, not long ago, a missionary couple sponsored by our church spoke on the work they are doing in Asia to reach those who have never heard the Gospel.

When I see the incredible sacrifices people make to advance the kingdom of God, and the incredible fruit they bear, I can be tempted to feel worthless, like I’m doing nothing for God. Most of us can think at times, ‘What am I doing for God? I just go to work every day at this boring job. I’m working in a warehouse, unpacking boxes. Or I’m just staying at home almost every day tending to this one year old.’

Satan wants to discourage us in any way he can. He tries to get us to compare ourselves with others. He tells us we aren’t making any difference to anyone. If he couldn’t stop Jesus from saving us, he wants to rob us of our joy in Jesus by condemning us. He is the “accuser of the brethren.”

I believe that most believers bring glory to God in many ways they aren’t even aware of. I hope this post will encourage you!

Remember the widow’s mite?

Jesus looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. And he said, “Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” Luke 21:1-4

I can imagine the widow thinking, “What am I giving? Nothing compared to what everyone else is giving.” She may have even felt ashamed at her “meager” offering. But that’s not how God views our “tiny” acts of service or obedience or giving.

Remember God is a God who created “seeds,” and who encourages us to sow seeds – tiny acts of obedience or love or faith – which will in time produce a “harvest.”

He tells us in Psalm 126:5-6

Those who sow in tears

shall reap with shouts of joy!

He who goes out weeping,

bearing the seed for sowing,

shall come home with shouts of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him.

When we “sow in tears” it doesn’t feel powerful. It may be a prayer for an unsaved child we grieve about. That prayer, that “seed” doesn’t feel great or glorious. I know, for I have often felt like my prayers are so very weak. Yet I have to trust God’s word that someday they will produce a glorious harvest. 

Here are a few ways you may be bringing glory to God, that you don’t feel are anything great. 

Do you love/serve your family or your friends?

Do you play catch with your daughter? Do you read a story to your kids before bed? Do you ever clean up the kitchen for your wife? You may not feel like you are doing much to glorify God, but you are.

Do you go to work every day?

Do you lay down asphalt on a highway? Or do dishes in a restaurant? Or sit in front of a computer screen all day? Or do any other mundane job? Here’s a Scripture to encourage you:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24

Paul wrote this to slaves who were believers. They could have felt worthless. But Paul reminded them they would receive a reward for working “as for the Lord and not for men” and that they weren’t ultimately serving earthly masters but they were “serving the Lord Christ.”

Do you believe God’s word, even when you can’t see how he will answer?

When you do, you bring glory to God, as Abraham did when God promised that he would have a son in his old age:

No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. Romans 4:20-21

Abraham’s faith “gave glory to God.” When we trust God and believe his word, even when we don’t see how God could do it, we bring him glory. Are you trusting God’s promises for you? Trusting he will provide for you? Trusting he will lead and guide you? Trusting he has a plan for your life? Then you are bringing him glory. Along these lines…

Do you trust Jesus in hard times?

Or when you are sick? At times I have told people, “You are bringing glory to God by the way you are going through this affliction and you continue to trust him.” Trusting God in hard times glorifies him. You may not feel like you are glorifying God but you are.

Do you pray?

The very fact that we pray and ask God for help or to meet our needs glorifies him. Because by praying we acknowledge that he is the one who can answer prayer. That he is in control. That he is a God who cares for you. That he is able to supply all our needs. And this brings him glory.

Are you part of a church?

Week after week, you go to church, you worship with God’s people, you listen to his word preached, you go to your fellowship group, you join others in talking about God’s word, and you pray with God’s people. These things rarely feel “glorious.” Psalm 133:1 says,

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!

It is good and pleasant for us when we meet with others, but it also brings glory to God!

When we meet together with others, it doesn’t feel particularly glorious. But when God’s people meet together, bear with each other, love each other, and encourage each other, it brings glory to God!

Do you give to the church and/or the poor?

That glorifies God. As the widow who gave her two coins glorified God, so do we when we give.

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will repay him for his deed. Proverbs 19:17.

And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.” Matthew 10:42

Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:37-40

What a great picture we see in Matthew 25. Even welcoming a stranger brings glory to God. But the great thing about this passage is that God’s people didn’t feel like they were doing anything great in their small acts of kindness. Yet Jesus said, “as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:37-40

If you feel, as I do at times, like you are doing little to glorify God, pray!

Ask him to help you bring glory to him. Ask him to lead you and guide you. He promises he will:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

God desires that you bring glory to him even more than you do! It is his will for your life that you bring him glory. And you probably are in many ways you are not even aware of. The very fact that you desire to glorify him brings him glory.

I hope this post has encouraged you. If there are other ways God’s people bring him glory, please mention them in the comments. Thanks!

Photo by Nathan Cowley from Pexels

The post Do You Feel Like You Don’t Do Much For God? Here Are Ways We Bring Glory To God We’re Not Always Aware Of appeared first on The Blazing Center.

[funface2]

110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners from comedians – iNews

Here are 110 of the best jokes and one-liners of all time, compiled from our own selection of round-ups, and taken from the mouths of comedy legends past and present.

Best jokes from comedians

“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.” – Tim Vine

“Do you know what I love most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt. And that’s just in the hot dogs.” – David Letterman

“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realised that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock

“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably s***.” – Stephen K. Amos

“I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out of Order’ sign, only ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs’.” – Mitch Hedberg

“If I was an Olympic athlete, I’d rather come in last than win the silver medal. You win the gold, you feel good. You win the bronze, you think, ‘at least I got something.’ But you win that silver, that’s like, ‘Congratulations, you almost won! Of all the losers, you came in first! You’re the number one loser! No one lost ahead of you!’” – Jerry Seinfeld

“We weren’t very religious. On Hanukkah, my mother had our menorah on a dimmer.” – Richard Lewis

“My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang

“If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been ‘It’s round.’” – Eddie Izzard

“I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.” – Sara Pascoe

“Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” – Frankie Boyle

“You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” – Rob Beckett

“Most of my life is spent avoiding conflict. I hardly ever visit Syria.” – Alex Horne

(Photo: Pexels.com)

“A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat.” – Joe Lycett

“My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief.” – Mark Watson

“Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory. Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?” – Mickey P Kerr

“How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?…. none. They’re not really into that sort of thing. If it’s that dark, light a candle.” – Phil Cornwell

“The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.” – Alun Cochrane

“As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.” – Gary Delaney

“Two fish in a tank. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing?’” – Peter Kay

“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” – Stewart Francis

Read more:

100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny)

“People who like trance music are very persistent. They don’t techno for an answer.” – Joel Dommett

“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’” – Paul Merton

“Normally you have news, weather and travel. But not on snow day. On a snow day, news is weather is travel.” – Michael McIntyre

“Here’s a picture of me with REM. That’s me in the corner.” – Milton Jones

“Someone showed me a photograph of my local MP the other day. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car from this man?’ they asked. ‘Would you buy a second-hand car?’ I replied.” – Miles Jupp

“With stand-up in Britain, what you have to do is bloody swearing. In Germany, we don’t have to swear. Reason being, things work.” – Henning When

“I’m learning the hokey cokey. Not all of it. But – I’ve got the ins and outs.” – Iain Stirling

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.” – Billy Connolly

“My mother told me, you don’t have to put anything in your mouth you don’t want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards.” – Sarah Millican

“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.’” – Stewart Francis

Stewart Francis is a master of the one-liner

“I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” – Jack Whitehall

“‘What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed.” – Josie Long

“The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin

“I was in my car driving back from work. A police officer pulled me over and knocked on my window. I said, ‘One minute I’m on the phone.’” – Alan Carr

Read more:

115 of the best bad jokes

105 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds

“My phone will ring at 2am and my wife’ll look at me and go, “Who’s that calling at this time?” I say, “I don’t know. If I knew that we wouldn’t need the bloody phone.” – Lee Evans

“I doubt there’s a heaven; I think the people from hell have probably bought it for a timeshare.” – Victoria Wood

I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.” – Tommy Cooper

“A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap, please?’ The chemist says, ‘Do you want it scented?’ And the man says, ‘No, I’ll take it with me now.’” – Ronnie Barker

“It’s really hard to define ‘virtue signalling’, as I was saying the other day to some of my Muslim friends over a fair-trade coffee in our local feminist bookshop.” – Lucy Porter

“If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?” – Dara Ó Briain

“Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” – Russell Howard

“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!” – Greg Davies

“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” – Graham Norton

“My father drank so heavily, when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.” – Les Dawson

“I’ve been feeling suicidal so my therapist suggested I do CBT. Now I can ride a motorbike, how’s that going to help?” – Eric Lampaert

Classic one-liners

A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster!

I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. It came in at quarter past four.

I went down to my local supermarket and I said: “I want to make a complaint. This vinegar’s got lumps in it”. He said: “Those are pickled onions.”

A man entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.

I was having dinner with a world chess champion and there was a check tablecloth. It took them two hours to pass the salt.

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: “Oi – get out. We don’t want your type in here.”

(Photo: Pexels)

I’m in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year’s supply of Marmite – one jar.

I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: “Are you two an item?”

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can’t get the cobwebs out of her hair.

Read more:

51 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding

48 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes

I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said: “Did you get my drift?”

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”

A jumplead walks into a bar. The barman says: “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but she’d popped her clogs.

I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn’t find any.

Went to the doctors and said: “Have you got anything for wind?” He gave me a kite.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.”

I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.

“Doc, I can’t stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home.” He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual,” he replied.

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

(Photo: Flickr)

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “Really? In that case, give me a Kyle!”

I went to the doctors the other day and he said: “Go to Bournemouth, it’s great for flu.” So I went – and I got it.

Went to the corner shop – bought four corners.

I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people’s pants. It was Wedgie Kray.

I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he’s a Catholic converter.

I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags. He’s bisatchel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Cringe-worthy (but amusing) puns

Read more:

105 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.

My colleague can no longer attend next week’s Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

(Photo: Shutterstock)

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. He was too clothes minded.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”

And some jokes for the kids

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel!

What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake!

Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed? Your head hits the ceiling!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

Read more:

110 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!

Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!

Why did the teddy bear say “no” to dessert? Because she was stuffed.

What has ears but cannot hear? A field of corn.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!

More jokes:

Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

And some hilarious quotes:

29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

Source link

Bài viết 110 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners from comedians – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/best-jokes/110-of-the-funniest-ever-jokes-and-best-one-liners-from-comedians-inews/

[darlingsteps]

10+ Things you didn’t consider when choosing a preschool

What you need to know when choosing a preschool nursery or playgroup

  The time has come, and for whatever reason, you need to enroll your little in school or daycare. Maybe they are of age; perhaps you need some help, some alone time. Maybe your kiddo just needs social interaction. I get it. Trust me; I’ve lived in 5 different countries and over 10 different cities. I’ve had my fair share of searches and experiences.  Whatever it is- I’ve been able to come up with a few things to consider when making your choice!

  Are you and your entire family made to feel welcome?

Pay close attention to how you are treated by all staff members during your first visit. (everyone from the principal/head teacher to the janitorial staff) Don’t ignore your gut.

Are you introduced to all staff members?

During the tour, you’ll most likely run into all staff (especially if it is unannounced-which I especially recommend). It’s usually a good sign when your tour guide takes the time to introduce everyone and when everyone greets you (even the cleaning staff).

  Are you given an immediate tour?

Continuing with the same topic of tours, are you asked to make an appointment or come at another time? This is really huge. You def don’t want a staged viewing if you know what I mean.

  How does it look? Whether it’s an old room center or fancy building- what has the staff done with the space? Are the children’s artwork displayed? Decorative?

When you travel, you’ll find that each country operates differently and that some countries have more resources than others. But the most important thing is that the school has made the best of what they have.

How proportioned is the size of the room for its occupants? Too crowded? Too empty?

Take a look at the ratio between staff and children. Does the amount of space they have seem sufficient enough for them?

  What’s the overall feel?

Again, paying attention to your gut…What’s your initial reaction of the place?

  Is the area well staffed? What is the child to adult ratio?

Ideally, anywhere between 5/10 children per 1 teacher are good.

  Is there an outdoor enclosed area where children can play?

Kids need physical exercise and fresh air, and if the school has some sort of outdoor area, it’s a plus

  Are there books?

Self-explanatory here, but again, different countries have different resources, and you want to be sure that your child has access to books (I’m thinking picture books for young kiddos) in any language.

Interactive table for hands-on activities?

Almost every preschool I’ve seen schedules free play/free time for the children. What options do the kids have for this time?

    What activities are offered? Painting? Water play? Blocks? Puzzles? Dolls? Etc

Take a good look during your visit and see what the kids have.

  How do the children look? Excited? Engaged? Mellow? Withdrawn?

Certainly, don’t overlook this, but at the same time, don’t jump to conclusions. With that said, I’ve seen places where the kids were clearly not being treated well, and the staff didn’t care about them. If you notice negative emotions in the children, glance for possible causes. Was s/he being disobedient? Are they unwell? Etc.

Does the place look well maintained? Is it clean? Repairs needed? Paint chipping?

If you notice paint chipping, cracks in steps etc, consider that it may be an accident waiting to happen.

  Are the staff giving the children full attention or are they chatting?

This is important. I’ve personally seen several instances where a daycare spent a load of time chatting and children injured themselves because of it. (No serious injuries thank goodness, but nevertheless, bumps and bruises that should have otherwise been avoided)

  Ask the staff for their take and procedure for discipline/ dealing with anxious children

It’s important to note that in today’s day and age, most schools do not use physical discipline with children; however, not all staff may be in agreement or have the experience in dealing with rambunctious kids. I remember a time overseas where a fellow wife had an issue with a staff member hitting her child. It was definitely shocking news, and I suppose an isolated case. I enrolled our little one in a different school in the same country and didn’t have any issues.

  Does the teacher speak English?

Even if the teacher will be teaching in the native country language, it’s important that s/he speak English or have a good basic foundation of the language. At the very least, you need someone to understand when your child is hungry, tired, cold or needs to use the toilet.

  Are English classes offered to other students?

This may not always be offered, but many private schools offer English as a second language, and this will be helpful as the other children will be eager to practice this with your child.

  Look for an atmosphere that’s blossoming. Buzzing with engaged and happy children. But never out of control.

You want to see that the teachers have everything organized. If there isn’t a schedule, it’s chaotic and not filled with intentional learning. Trust me, this is messy.

How safe is your child?

Find/check all entry and exit points. Ask the staff what’s the procedure/timeline for when the doors will be locked. (Also, check this for yourself) Can anyone just walk through the doors or do they need to be buzzed in?

  Is transportation offered?

If so, what are pickup/drop off times? Basic procedures? Driver?

  Consider the country of residence and educate yourself on views between boys and girls

To put it bluntly, not every country treats or values each gender the same. Learn the countries beliefs and standards.

  Whoa! I’m sure that was a lot to take in. What are your experiences with searching for preschools?

The post 10+ Things you didn’t consider when choosing a preschool appeared first on Darling Steps.

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2Ggz7VY via IFTTT