#picking three albums was the hardest part

[a-cat-called-fish]

omg i was tagged in somthin !? /pos ( this has never happened b4 )

evrything but the facial hair is p much accurate to real life :3

i dont have anycat 2 tag >_< if u see this & u wanna do it this is ur invitation , we dont even have 2 b mewtuals

Found this picrew and thought its cute

Here is me atm

Npts: @t3mpest98 @varpusvaras @tinyduckies @insertmeaningfulusername @ihaventpiickedausername @cookiemonsterv3 & anyone who wants to do this (u also dun have to if u don’t want to kdkdkdk)

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨��� 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. | 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐬

part six of do you feel my hand? it is there. | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve

pairing: minho x fem!reader (afab)

genre: veterinarian!minho (this includes a few of the skz members working in his clinic). client!reader. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. strangers to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. minho is reader's vet. reader is now his past client. drinking alcohol and getting drunk/tipsy is mentioned. things are starting to get suggestive in this one. also, smut is coming very soon. :))

word count: 3.0k

summary: dr. lee minho is known throughout your area as the city's hottest veterinarian, and he's also the very man that's been taking good care of your two cats for the past three years. but one day, you're thrown down a dark path of heartache when the cat that you've grown up with - nyx - is diagnosed with an acute form of bone cancer. burdened with the hardest decision of your entire life, you come at a crossroads of what to do. and throughout it all, minho is the single most person who continually stays by your side.

a/n: these past few days have been real tough ones for me, but I thought I'd give you guys an update with this fic since I'm really excited to reveal the other parts to it. after I finish posting this series, I'm going to spend a few weeks working on finishing up my wip list. 🤓 and THEN- since my poll just finished, I've officially decided to start working on the felix longfic summer!au series after I complete everything else. also, I hope to open up my requests again within the next month or two, so please look forward to everything I've got planned! 🤭 also- please continue to support and love skz throughout this season of their new comeback... try to buy their albums/stream the new music if you can so that they have a chance to win at the year-end awards... let's strive for a mama win this year, you guys!!💞

🐈‍⬛ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙��◌! ࿐ྂ

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. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

 The first thing you noticed when you awoke was the quietness. Your ears weren’t used to the silence, as your mind had been crammed with so many voices and shouts and laughter and blasting music for hours on end. 

 But all at once, the stark change was downright unnerving. 

 That, and the fact that you couldn’t feel the warm presence from before at your side anymore. 

 Cracking your eyes open slowly, you came to the stark realization that the living room was… empty. There wasn’t a single sign of life anywhere. The floor was picked up of any sort of mess - the game controllers put away, the bags of chips and candy and cans of beer all having disappeared. The tv was still on, showcasing a dark ambiance screen saver of a fireplace. The living room curtains were closed shut tightly, blocking you from catching a glimpse of the moon just outside. Other than that, the only light filtering into the room came off to the side, where the hallway lead into the adjoining kitchen. 

 You threw the warm blanket off of your legs, adjusting your dress and running a hand through your hair as you made your way to the only remaining light source. Like a moth to a flame. You didn’t know how long you had slept, but seeing as it was still dark out - you noticed the dim sky through a window as you passed through the hallway - you assumed only an hour or two. Surprisingly, your rest had helped to stave off your hangover, and you weren’t feeling nearly as tipsy as you were right before you dozed off. 

 As you neared a small table that was placed in the hallway, you read that it was approaching three in the morning. Damn, you had surely overstayed your welcome. 

 Upon stepping into the kitchen’s threshold, you came face-to-face with a busy figure at the counters. With a proud back and messy, black locks. He was humming a low tune to himself, as he wiped down the pristine marble with a damp cloth. 

 “Hi,” is all you could manage, voice coming out a little scratchy from disuse and the dryness from all the alcohol. 

 He turned around on you, face lighting up with surprise. He didn’t expect you to be awake, it would seem. “Hi yourself,” he said, as he finished polishing up the counters and made to throw the towel in a nearby basket that you assumed held dirty laundry. “I was just going to go out there and check up on you.” 

 You toed at the ground, having taken off your heels early on in the night. Clearing your throat in the sudden awkwardness that had sprung up between the two of you in the past few hours, you said, “When did the guys leave?” 

 “Just a little while ago, I’ve been cleaning up since then- they always leave a bomb for me to repair after a party like this.” Minho was leaning against the farthest counter, his eyes trained on the nearby marble that he had just cleaned. Like he couldn’t stand the sight of you. Like you were annoying him by just your presence alone. 

 You swallowed around the dryness in your throat, already feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes at the complete one-eighty that he had taken in regards to you. 

 It hurt. 

 It hurt really fucking bad. 

But then, you found yourself talking, and before you even realized it, the words were flowing out of your mouth, unbidden and unstoppable. “I-I’m sorry I dozed off- I totally overstayed my welcome…” 

 Minho pulled his eyes away from the kitchen counter then, leveling you with those warm irises of his that seemed to soften just a tiny bit. His brows furrowed at your distressed state, lips falling open slightly in confusion. “Don’t worry about it, you’re always welcome here.”

 “No, I think coming here was a bad idea,” you started, the tears finally breaking free and racing down either of your cheeks. Your face felt like it had been lit on fire, as you flushed violently from the embarrassment and humiliation of it all. “I-I sorry, I just… I should go-”

 And you were turning out of the kitchen then, down the hallway, towards the front door. Your little sniffles rang out against the walls that slowly felt like they were closing in on you, your heart echoing in your ears as the blood rushed through your system. 

 You didn’t hear your name being called out until you were stopped dead in your tracks by fingers clutching onto one of your wrists. They pulled and pulled, desperately and quietly. 

 “I’m sorry,” he said, voice strained and low in his throat. The tears made your vision blurry, as you stared in front of you, taking in the small painting of a cat that was placed near his front door. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I’m-”

 You let out a tiny scoff, shaking your head, trying to clear your mind from all of the murky thoughts that ran through it. “You can’t even look at me. You haven’t been able to all night, so just… just forget it. I knew it was a horrible idea coming tonight anyway, I should’ve listened to myself.” When you tried to yank your wrist out of his grasp, he only clutched on tighter, fingers digging into your palm. 

 “Please, don’t say that, I loved having you here tonight- everyone did.” 

 “Yeah, but you sure didn’t act like it.” 

 “And I’m sorry for being such an asshole. I- it’s just been really hard for me, that’s all.” 

 You turned around, finally catching sight of his face. Cheekbones dusty with shadows, lips pressed into a wavering line, chest falling in short, anxious breaths. And then you noticed his outfit, for the millionth time that night. You couldn’t believe you hadn’t noticed it back in the kitchen, but the zipper on his tight black shirt had fallen even further down his chest than ever before, teasing and teasing at what lay underneath. 

 Swallowing at that, you met his gaze. He was a little bit taller than you, and you realized how closed-in the space around you felt… practically cornered in the hallway, near his door but not too near. “What’s been hard? What are you even talking about, Dr. Lee?” 

 He ran a frustrated hand through his midnight tresses, heaving a large sigh. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, almost like it pained him to say his next words. “First, you suddenly disappear from everything- no more phone calls, no more visits, no more glimpses of you passing by during the work week. Then, you unexpectedly show up again at that cafe and try your hardest to avoid me altogether. And then, you appear right in front of my eyes, looking like-”

 Stopping himself, he bit down on his plush bottom lip, his eyes running down the length of you. Practically undressing you with his stare alone. And just that sight alone caused you to squirm in your spot. Lit a match deep inside of you. 

 When his eyes locked with yours again, you found enough courage to speak again and you somehow recovered from his blatant perusal of your body. “What? How did my showing up tonight change things?” Without thinking, your hands were traveling up the front of him, landing on either of his broad shoulders and pulling him a little closer to you. 

 He swallowed, his stare practically devouring you whole as he allowed you to draw him near. So that you could catch his scent - of warm chamomile and sweet cookies. “I thought I was doing better- thought I was strong enough. But then you showed up tonight looking so fucking ethereal - like an angel rising from a glorious throne - and I just… I couldn’t take it any longer,” you felt your lungs constrict at his confession, heart thumping wildly against your ribcage. “But I know what you think, that… that I’m just your local vet and nothing more and-”

 “Y-You think I look like an angel?” You asked, voice turning breathless. From the nearness of him, from his words. But especially, the things he was telling you. They sounded so sweet on his tongue, so whole and flawless. 

 Minho nodded, slowly, staring down at you with those coffee-coloured eyes of his. “But you’re more than just that. You’re… this unobtainable goddess that I just- can’t get enough of.” 

 “I wore it for you.” 

 A beat of silence, a slight intake of breath, and then,

 “What?” 

 “I said… this outfit, I wore it tonight only for you and you alone.” 

 You heard movement. Limbs shifted and the air surrounding you crackled with tension. Then, fingers were dancing underneath your chin, and a warm palm was pressing into one of your cheeks. You leaned into the touch, peering up at him. 

 Marveling at the way that his mouth hung open slightly in apparent shock, as his mind slowly began to process your words. His eyes raced over your face, again and again. Like if he peered at you long enough, he’d be able to tell whether you were lying or not. 

 But then a sardonic kind of smirk spread across his lips, as he canted his head to one side and raised a dark, perfectly-manicured eyebrow your way. “Well, that’s just comical because I wore this for you tonight... but, did you know that mint is my favorite color?”

 Your eyes widened at that and your heart skipped a beat at the realization that you had worn his favorite color.

 To a party that he had hosted.

 At his place. 

 The implications that you hadn't even known you were making by your outfit alone were beyond you.

 Your focus landed on his attire again - for what felt like the millionth time already. At the loose, dark cargo pants and the matching shirt that was just begging to be taken off.  

 Feeling yourself mimicking his expression, you reached out and played with the silvery zipper that was positioned halfway down his chest. “I like it- a lot. Couldn’t keep my eyes off of you all night.” 

 A dry laugh escaped him, and you watched, as his pupils brightened with a certain kind of heat. “That much I could tell…” 

 And before you could even grasp what was happening, his touch against your cheek was moving, fingers traveling over to your mouth. Tracing the outline of it, before his thumb played with your bottom lip, pulling it out slightly from the way that it had been held between your teeth. 

 The panic began to rise inside of you then, as you began to understand what was happening. What he was about to do. Why he was leaning into you ever so slowly. 

 Your hands were on his chest in an instant, stopping him from going any further. His fingertips burned on your flesh - scorching your chin and lips in tandem. “W-We shouldn’t…” You gasped out, voice turning strangled from how badly you wanted everything. Him, and his love, and his attention. It hurt you to your core, to push back from the very thing that you had been pining over for so very long. 

 “Why?”

 “B-Because… I was your client and things were always supposed to remain professional and you-” 

 His thumb swiped at your bottom lip again, tantalizing and tempting you all at the same time. And for a moment, you almost gave into your inhibitions and allowed him to draw nearer to you. But then you remembered who he was- and who you were. And how such opposites could never mesh well together. Perhaps things would be okay for a little while, but gradually, over time, mistakes would happen, promises would be broken, and you’d be back at square one all over again… soul torn into two pieces from the harsh breakup of a relationship that you had thought would last forever. 

 “What, Y/N? I’m what?” He asked, a slight harshness dripping into the words. Almost like he had heard such sentiments before. Almost like, all of the women he had been with in the past had been in your same position, at one point or another. 

 “You’re so much better than me - you’re this incredible, famous, successful businessman and doctor and I’m just… I’m just a woman who lives in a shitty apartment in a sketchy part of town because I barely make breadcrumbs and survive from paycheck to paycheck.”

 The finger tracing across your mouth stopped then, as he took in your words. And as much as you wanted to avoid his gaze at that moment, you found that you couldn’t. His stare was like twin magnets, and your soul was a piece of metal. Irrevocably drawn, no matter what you did. So you caught his intense regard, the way that his pupils darkened and practically bored into your soul wholly. 

 Like he was ripping the very fabric of your being apart, as he studied your form and who you were, and what you had just revealed to him. 

 So there it was. 

 You had spoken your biggest fear out into the open, where he would consequently drop you like a hot, rotten potato because ‘he doesn’t date broke girls.’ 

 “And you think that just because you make less money than me - just because you don’t live an ideal, rich life, that you don’t deserve me?” His palm was moving across your face as he spoke the words in a hushed whisper. So that only you could hear him, in that intimate, swarthy corner of his apartment’s hallway. His fingers threaded through your hair, tucking a few of the loose strands behind one of your ears. “That you don’t deserve my love?” 

 You swallowed thickly, shoving all of the heartache and arousal to the deepest parts of your mind. 

 Because truly, what was even going on? 

 Were you living in a dream right now? 

 Did Dr. Lee Minho just confess that he’s in love with you? 

It was all too much for your slightly-tipsy mind to process, and suddenly, your legs were turning shaky, melting into a pile of jelly on the ground. You were swaying forward, and if it hadn’t been for Minho catching you at that moment, you would have toppled onto the cold tiled ground like a complete fool. 

 You peered up at him with wide eyes, mouth falling open slightly in the shock of it all. In the way that he held onto you so completely - so firm yet delicate all at once. His face was contorted into a mix of sadness and… anger. 

 “You’re just this… amazing guy, who seems untouchable and all-knowing. And- and practically every woman in the city wants you at this point. I see them, I hear them… when they come into the clinic, they ogle you and talk about their newest outfits to try and make you fall for them. And I just- I can’t compete with all of that. I only have a few outfits that I wear daily that look decent enough, and this dress is something I’ve had since my Freshman year of university and I-”

 “None of that matters to me, Y/N,” Minho said, breaking through your incoherent ramblings and dumping an ice-cold bucket of water on your entire being. He never broke your gaze, as his arms that were still holding you moved in fluidly. And then, you were being pressed up against the nearby wall, with one of his palms clutching at your waist and the other threading through your locks. His fingers gripped gently, pulling at the roots. He moved closer still, wedging a knee between either of your legs so that he was but a mere hairsbreadth away from your face. “I only want you. I don’t care about the paychecks and the pomp and the jewels that all of those other women can offer. I just want you… I want all of you, even the ugly and sad and broken bits.” 

 You felt the tears stinging at the corners of your eyes before you even spoke again. “Do you really mean that? Are you truly sure that you don’t want a woman who lives the same lavish lifestyle as you?” You asked, shoulders shaking from the sharp inhale that you took upon his proximity and everything that he was telling you. 

 He flashed you a tiny grin, fingers resting at the nape of your neck and messaging gentle circles into the skin there. “I’m more sure about this than I’ve been about anything in my entire life.” He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against yours in an intimate kind of way. “But one word from you - one sign that you don’t feel the same way - and I’ll be gone from your life forever.” 

 “No,” you blurted out in a strangled voice, even surprising yourself with how fast the word slipped from your lips. “No- I want this. I’ve wanted this so badly for so long and… and I just, I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you feel the same. That you care about me to the extent that I do for you.” 

 Minho’s warm breath fanned against your nose, as he grunted out a quiet laugh. You turned your gaze up then, finding the way that his eyes were alight with a myriad of feelings… but the one that was the most potent was love. 

 And as clear as day, you realized that all of the times in the past that he had looked on at you with such soft eyes, he was silently conveying his love for you.

 “Can I kiss you now?” It felt like the world was dropping out from right under your feet, as you took in all of him. The way that his black hair was disheveled from the long night and the way that a certain kind of sparkle now shined on every feature of his face. 

 You canted your head to one side, giving him your best easy smile. “Please- I thought you’d never ask.” 

 And then he was leaning into you - finally - and all of the other worries and hurts and feelings leftover inside of you all but dissipated, as the two of you fit together like two immaculate puzzle pieces made to be conjoined.

 Mouth against mouth, tongue swiping against tongue. And everything was blissful and effervescent and otherworldly. 

To be continued...

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[ventricide]

a collection of lyrics from Bring Me The Horizon's album, POST HUMAN: NeX GEn! feel free to adjust context, pronouns, and wording as needed.

YOUtopia

❝ there's a place i wanna take you, but i'm not quite there myself yet. ❞

❝ there is a home, somewhere, beyond my bones. ❞

❝ and i'm just too terrified to dive inside. ❞

❝ hard to ignore, we're sick to the core. ❞

❝ a world's been buried, whеre love is the law. ❞

❝ stop pushing daisies, no one wants flowers when they're dead. ❞

❝ golden raspberry, for the performance in your head. ❞

❝ there is a home, beyond our bones. ❞

❝ it's okay to cry. ❞

❝ what was it like? ❞

❝ it's like i walked into a dream, and stepped out of the coma. ❞

Kool-Aid

❝ we are the children of the devolution. ❞

❝ is this what you wanted? ❞

❝ do you want some more? ❞

❝ who’s keeping score? ❞

❝ 'cause you got a taste now, drank the kool-aid by the jug. ❞

❝ so suffer your fate. ❞

❝ oh, come here and give me a hug. ❞

❝ nobody loves you like i love you, oh, my dear. ❞

❝ you should've known that this was gonna end in tears. ❞

❝ i got my hands around your throat, i love the way you choke. ❞

❝ 'cause i am yours and you are mine, i'll never let you go. ❞

Top 10 staTues tHat CriEd bloOd

❝ i guess that some of us are just born with tragedy in our blood. ❞

❝ it's just basic chemistry. ❞

❝ or maybe all these open wounds, is how the light gets into you. ❞

❝ 'cause i'm starting to realize, no one's gonna come and rescue me, ❞

❝ i'm drowning in my sleep, the scars have got too deep. ❞

❝ no amount of love could set you free. ❞

❝ the fight's inside, i'll take myself to hell and back. ❞

❝ tonight we go to war. ❞

❝ someone put a gun straight to our hearts, and paint the walls with our love. ❞

❝ there's a world of hurt in us. ❞

❝ maybe once we spill our guts, we can stitch ourselves back up. ❞

❝ yeah, i know that you're low. but once you hit the bottom, at least there's nowhere to go but up. ❞

❝ the hardest thing you'll ever know, is there's no love like your own. ❞

❝ it was so comforting, somewhere. ❞

​liMOusIne

❝ drag me down some more, get me low like a basement. ❞

❝ i hope that you wrote all your songs for me. ❞

❝ on my last nerve, burnt out all my veins. ❞

❝ feelin' good but it's never good enough. ❞

❝ got a bellyache crawlin' in my guts again. ❞

❝ come closer, i'll swallow the bile for you. ❞

❝ don't want closure, i'll stitch myself up alone. ❞

❝ kiss the ground i walk, i'm a fool for you. ❞

❝ hop inside, take a ride to the top. ❞

❝ we can brake, but we're never gonna stop. ❞

❝ got a death wish tuggin' on my sleeves again. ❞

❝ it's not over, didn't want to let go. ❞

❝ so lock all the doors, 'cause i'm insecure. ❞

❝ what the fuck you waiting for? ❞

❝ do you like the way your skin crawls? how it makes your body twitch? ❞

❝ does it make you sick? ❞

DArkSide

❝ think my angel's fallen. ❞

❝ picked the stitches, now i can't stop bleeding. ❞

❝ three in the morning, i ain't slept all weekend. ❞

❝ don't give a fuck if my heart stops beating. ❞

❝ hey, i'm begging you to stay. ❞

❝ my dark side won today. ❞

❝ my heart keeps breaking, over and over. ❞

❝ hey, don't let me out your sight, i can't trust myself tonight. ❞

❝ can you talk me off the ledge again? ❞

❝ something haunts me. ❞

❝ but there's no escaping. ❞

❝ something's in the way, don't know what i can say. ❞

❝ memories are haunting me. ❞

❝ so bury me alive, there's nowhere left to hide. ❞

❝ maybe i won't miss me when i'm gone. ❞

​​a bulleT w- my namE On

❝ i guess this is goodbye. ❞

❝ i guess we got what we deserved. ❞

❝ hold on to your heart, it's almost over. ❞

❝ i guess i should've known. ❞

❝ i guess a part of me still hoped. ❞

❝ the beat in my chest sounds like a swan song. ❞

❝ you got a bullet with my name on it. ❞

❝ a moment of silence for a lifetime laid to waste. ❞

❝ still sounds like violence. ❞

❝ still got both feet in the grave. ❞

❝ you can't drown it out. ❞

❝ i'm dreaming backwards, nobody answers. ❞

❝ i won't look down again. ❞

❝ i'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife? ❞

❝ let me kiss it better this time. ❞

❝ i promise that i'll die. ❞

❝ if jesus christ returns, we'll just kill the fucker twice. ❞

❝ we get so lost inside of your eyes. ❞

❝ your lullabies keep me awake. ❞

❝ i picked up your tab, paid in blood. ❞

❝ saw things you never should. ❞

❝ we feel safe in our lives, not masks, and not distractions. and identify the roles society gives us. ❞

❝ we're corrupted when we forget who we are. ❞

❝ her plan's to harvest them as batteries. ❞

❝ subjects suffered profound disturbances, psychosis, organ failure. their bodies are vegetative. ❞

❝ seek the truth, follow the six-rayed star.❞

❝ for my part in this, god forgive me. ❞

​n/A

❝ okay, folks, we've got a new face joining us. ❞

❝ why don't you go ahead and share a little bit about yourself? ❞

❝ hi, my name's [muse name] and i'm an addict. ❞

❝ i'm here 'cause i'm not quite all there. ❞

❝ 'cause what used to be my idea of a laugh is now just me checking my pulse in my underwear. ❞

❝ so maybe i should drop dead, eat shit, go to hell. ❞

❝ i could jump headfirst out the window. ❞

❝ dark thoughts keep on filling up in my mind. ❞

❝ kinda wanna get fucked, make love to a chainsaw. ❞

❝ not sure i'll be coming back down this time. ❞

❝ hello, [muse name], you fucking knobhead. ❞

❝ did you think you had us fooled? ❞

❝ and, baby, i know that i told you i was out of the woods, but i still left a kеy under the mat for the wolvеs. ❞

❝ got out on good behavior. ❞

❝ i'm sorry, kid, but i can't be your savior. ❞

❝ i don't know what you expected. ❞

❝ 'cause i'm fucking losing it, get a grip, ignore all the signs. ❞

❝ the voices in my head keep telling me i'm fine. ❞

❝ out of luck, what the fuck? ❞

❝ what am i gonna do? ❞

❝ where did it go wrong? ❞

LosT

❝ watching evangelion with a big fat slug of ketamine, i lost the plot a little while ago. ❞

❝ my dog just died, my friends hate me. ❞

❝ i saw myself on MTV. ❞

❝ my ego is not my amigo. ❞

❝ i don't think i belong on this planet. ❞

❝ it's too much to take, i can't understand it. ❞

❝ someone tell me, why am i this way? ❞

❝ stupid medicine, not doin' anything. ❞

❝ what the hell is fucking wrong with me? ❞

❝ i guess there's no remedy, i'm so terribly lost. ❞

❝ i used to go to therapy, but the doctor tried to section me. ❞

❝ the next time that i open up to someone will be my autopsy. ❞

❝ if i keep this up, i think i'm gonna break down. ❞

​sTraNgeRs

❝ maybe i'll just be fucked up forever, should have figured myself out by now. ❞

❝ and i don't wanna tear myself open, no, but it's hard to care when you bleed out. ❞

❝ so won't you break me down, make me get better? ❞

❝ i confess i'm a mess, some kind of error. ❞

❝ well, maybe i was destined to disappear. ❞

❝ we're just a room full of strangers, looking for something to save us. ❞

❝ alone together, we're dying to live and we're living to die. ❞

❝ well, i guess my guardian angel missed the memo, 'cause we're walking on razors again. ❞

❝ and we swore to god we'd never let this happen, no. ❞

❝ we've dragged ourselves through hell, and we'll be damned if we go back. ❞

❝ it never stops, can't erase this. ❞

❝ so cross out my eyes, tear the pages. ❞

❝ 'cause you and i, we're just dying to live and we're living to die. ❞

❝ where did we go? ❞

❝ we're all alone, no place like home. ❞

❝ take us back to yesterday. ❞

❝ save us from ourselves. ❞

R.i.p. (duskCOre RemIx)

❝ let's motherfucking go. ❞

❝ did my back hurt your knife? ❞

❝ do you think you're bulletproof? ❞

❝ go chat shit all you like, you and i both know the truth. ❞

❝ plot twist, i don't give two shits about you, or whether you exist. ❞

❝ trippin' if you think there'll be a happy ending. ❞

❝ still alive, but you're dead to me. ❞

❝ there's voices in my head that'll never leave. ❞

❝ wish i could forget all these memories. ❞

❝ i don't know why you keep diggin' your own grave. ❞

❝ your therapist is gonna need some therapy. ❞

❝ you and me are done, so see you later, punk. ❞

❝ in a bit mate, it's been fun, in a near-death kind of way. ❞

❝ it's people like you, darling, that give humans a bad name. ❞

❝ make me the villain if you want. ❞

❝ so keep your name out my mouth, 'cause i wouldn't wanna smash that pretty glass house. ❞

❝ a parasite, you're a heart disease. so stay the fuck away from me. ❞

❝ you and me are done, so see you later, creep. ❞

❝ and although they are no longer with us, they live on in our thoughts and in our hearts. ❞

❝ we will start today's ceremony with a few words from a dear friend. ❞

AmEN!

❝ i hope you have fun rotting in hell. ❞

❝ suck a dick, heretic. ❞

❝ i hate you, and i'd like to see you burn, burn, burn. ❞

❝ so tell all your friends, this is the end of everything. ❞

❝ too late to repent, the wicked will reap what they sow. ❞

❝ can i get an amen? ❞

❝ somebody call the exorcist. this is heresy, the child is possessed. ❞

❝ don't you know, you're so six-six-sick? ❞

❝ yeah, you fanatics prey on me, hate on me, patiently waiting to watch me bleed. ❞

❝ get your head from out of my ass, got me feeling like a human centipede. ❞

❝ just let me breathe, stay the fuck away from me. ❞

❝ i don't really want me as my own enemy. ❞

❝ just let me suffer, just let me breathe. ❞

❝ just let me suffer, suffer in peace. ❞

❝ i'm about to lose control. ❞

❝ i execute judgment on you, you wicked demon. ❞

❝ you burn in hell, it's over. ❞

❝ wow, that's really cool. ❞

DiE4u

❝ you know that i'd die for you, cry for you. ❞

❝ you know that i'd breathe for you, i'd bleed for you. ❞

❝ let me see my halo, even though it's painful. ❞

❝ i'm prepared to lose. ❞

❝ i keep holding my breath for a miracle, hoping the hole in my heart would've healed somehow. ❞

❝ feeling so fucking close to the edge right now. ❞

❝ you know you're everything i hate, wish i could escape. ❞

❝ but you know i would die for you. ❞

❝ 'cause i've died inside a thousand times, but still i'd kill myself for you. ❞

❝ 'cause the truth of it, you could slit my wrists, and i'd write your name in a heart with the hemorrhage. ❞

❝ you know it's you i need to kick, you make me feel like shit. ❞

❝ i don't wanna die for you. ❞

❝ this isn't love, this is a car crash. ❞

❝ this isn't love, this is a bloodbath. ❞

❝ this isn't love, this is a sentence. ❞

❝ it's a bullet in the head, so pull the trigger. ❞

DIg It

❝ i'm sorry, this directory is encrypted, please enter your cipher to continue. ❞

❝ you have a hundred and thirty two documents and one audio log, would you like to listen? ❞

❝ pins and needles in my face, i can't trust my feelings anymore. ❞

❝ shouldn't have looked behind the veil, my whole world's at war. ❞

❝ 'cause they've been feeding us a fable. ❞

❝ i can't keep quiet at the table anymore, no. ❞

❝ i hate my fucking guts right now, reckon you'd be better if i nеver existed. ❞

❝ i'm sorry that i lеt you down. ❞

❝ found a way to hide and now i'm addicted. ❞

❝ give me something to believe in, some kind of system override. ❞

❝ i need to give my ghost a reason to let it slide. ❞

❝ 'cause everyone's too scared to heal, they don't give a fuck how they feel. ❞

❝ i just don't know how to deal anymore. ❞

❝ well, maybe the damage is done, maybe the darkness has won. ❞

❝ we were programmed just to suffer. ❞

❝ 'cause the world is a scary place, scary future, scary fate. ❞

❝ thought the pain would teach me somehow, but the only thing i figured out, is life is a grave... and i dig it. ❞

❝ i don't wanna lose myself again. ❞

❝ 'cause the world is a scary place, scary humans, scary race. ❞

❝ when you find this letter, hope you don't get it twisted. ❞

❝ hello, this is [muse name], your personal multidimensional friend. ❞

❝ it looks like i encountered a fatal error, please boot me in safe mode and enter the serial number located on the side of my head. ❞

[astrangetorpedo]

Boy Power: The Women of Boygenius on the Joys of Nourishing a Supergroup Without the Superegos

By Chris Willman

The three singer-songwriters who make up Boygenius are musing about what they did and didn’t intend to accomplish when they went into the studio to make “The Record.” The six Grammy nominations they just collectively reeled in for their first full-length album together? Not actually part of the master plan. Neither was establishing themselves as role models for a much-needed sense of community across a swath of young America.

“We didn’t set out to be like, ‘And we symbolize friendship!’” bandmate Julien Baker points out, musing about the benevolent qualities that have been attributed to the group. “We just were like, ‘Let’s make a good record.’”

Fair enough. But have we mentioned that Variety‘s Group of the Year does, in fact, symbolize friendship — to the point that the band has virtually become an iconic representation of trifold intimacy? Sharing the bond the trio developed in the studio and on the road has been a key part of the appeal for the band’s avid fan base. It’s a conclusion that band member Lucy Dacus was not avoiding when she recently told Teen Vogue that “being affectionate onstage has been really fun and sweet, and it exhibits behavior that I think is healthy and good.” They even wrote about their growing closeness in meta album tracks like “Leonard Cohen.” “True Blue,” their signature loyalty ballad, may or may not be about the group itself, it’s hard to escape the feeling that a line like “It feels good to be known so well” somehow applies not just to the trio’s interpersonal relationships but to the generally progressive, empathetic, LGBTQ-friendly, folk-rocking audience at a Boygenius show.

No wonder Boygenius seemed to consistently have the longest merch lines of 2023 (at least this side of Taylor Swift’s), with fans seeking ways to fly their colors. In what can still register as a man’s world, suddenly, it kind of felt like everybody wanted to be a boy.

A concert by the trio has its rituals. The band members describe a private rite that occurs early in a set, right after they’ve opened the show with a handful of their hardest-charging songs, like “Satanist” (another friendship song, once you get past the irreverent title) and “$20,” and are transitioning into something more reflective. “We have a little moment where we look at each other during ‘True Blue’ every show,” Dacus reveals, looking across the table at bandmate Phoebe Bridgers, “and sometimes I’ll wink at you and be like, ‘Here’s the time where we check in.’ And sometimes I feel like we can see when each of us feel crazy.”

Bridgers agrees, saying, “Or we have a weird day, and we have to look at each other and just be like, ‘Oh, my God, this day is still trudging on,’” suggesting that there are hidden cues and codes being passed around while Dacus’ soft voice is tucking an audience of thousands into a warm, communal bath.

But there’s a more public-facing ritual at the end of the show, when the members basically pile on each other in some form or another. It can look like sheer, rough horseplay, but given that everyone in the group identifies as queer, these full-body collisions also been described in reviews or fan comments as “Sapphic” moments. How would they characterize them? “It’s Sapphic horseplay!” says Bridgers, grinning, and maybe not entirely kidding. “That is exactly what it is.”

“With the horseplay,” says Dacus, taking that term and running with it, “sometimes we kiss. Sometimes we spin around. Sometimes we throw things at the audience. Sometimes we crowd-surf. Sometimes we pick up Julien or bow to her. It’s never really planned. Sometimes our tits are out.”

Bridgers remembers what felt like a signal change moment at a London show in the summer: “Someone got on her friend’s shoulders and flashed me in Gunnersbury Park. It was right after we took our shirts off the first time” at their prior show. “I was like, ‘This is so sick'” — the good kind of sick — “‘that someone feels safe enough to do this.’”

Dacus agrees. “Yeah, it doesn’t feel violent or violating in that particular circumstance. Like, if someone walked by and flashed us right now, I’d be like, Uhhhh. But, yeah, there’s something about what the show culminates in, where it does feel very safe and celebratory.”

Where we are right now is the outdoor patio of a Studio City coffeehouse, where the only things being flashed are Baker’s easing-into-autumn sweater, or slightly more provocative items like the “I Love Cuntry Music” trucker hat that Dacus has just doffed, or the Viagra Boys cap that Bridgers keeps on, maybe to deflect any possible attention that passers-by might otherwise give to her tell-tale platinum hair. The few passersby wouldn’t guess that this is a group about to play a long-sold-out headline show at the Hollywood Bowl for its 2023 tour finale, or to do “Saturday Night Live” a week and a half after that. They’re laid-back and still capable of surprising and delighting each other in conversation, and not at all giving off any America’s Greatest Current Rock Band vibes, although they’ve earned the right to some attitude, with an album that much of the indie-rock crowd and not a few critics would agree is the year’s best.

“Phoebe was the one that was like, ‘This is gonna be big,’” Dacus says. “I had aspirations; you had plans,” she says, looking at Bridgers. “You were like, ‘We’re gonna do it!’”

“We had talked about the Hollywood Bowl in the kitchen of Shangri-La, remember that?” Bridgers says, referring to the Malibu studio owned by Rick Rubin, where they cut “The Record.”

“But I didn’t have any context,” Baker says, noting that neither she nor Dacus had ever set foot in America’s most iconic venue, having grown up around Memphis and Richmond, Va., respectively, versus the Pasadena stomping grounds that’d given Bridgers lifelong access to some bigger dreams. “Our last show” — in Los Angeles, at the end of their debut 2018 tour — “we played the Wiltern, and I was tearful backstage,” Baker says, as she remembers exulting: “‘I’m so proud of us! All my dreams have come true!’ Like I’d topped out.”

The Bowl, and Madison Square Garden just before it, were milestones even for Bridgers, the most visible solo artist of the three prior to this year. She’d topped out herself locally, maybe, at the Greek. Then a funny thing happened on the way to the Cahuenga Pass: “The Record” immediately established Bridgers, Baker and Dacus as equals in every way, even in the eyes of fans who might previously have favored or just been more immersed in one solo career or another. There was magic to how evenly gifted and well matched they were as frontwomen, as songwriters, as harmonizers. They truly put the super back in “supergroup” … and took the ego out of superego, in a manner of speaking.

Strength in numbers: What a concept! Why didn’t anyone ever try it before? Well, there’ve been a few tries at bringing existing titans together over the years, and hoping they wouldn’t clash. There was Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, and Asia, and the Souther-Hillman-Furay Band and … um … Well, let’s let the geniuses here come up with some slightly more contemporary analogues.

“You could look at Broken Social Scene and New Pornographers,” Baker says, but as soon as she starts dissecting the dynamics of those groups, it’s clear there aren’t really any recent antecedents that compare.

“I bet a lot of people try it, with a pretense that falls apart once they start to make it,” Dacus says, and then affirms why they’ve been able to come up with a successful joint project where others before them have bailed. “This collaboration is as important to each of us, if not more important, than our solo work,” she says. “And I bet a lot of supergroups are, even internally, thinking of it as a side project or a momentary thing.”

Bridgers agrees. “Yeah, because you’re going to make a third of what you’d earn making your own thing. So you’re like, ‘It’s my side thing — I’ll devote six months to it.’ But we put as much attention into it as if we were making our own records. The album took us so long to make, and we worked on it relentlessly. It was pretty serious from day one.”

Baker says, “It’s sick that the band has an identity that’s more than the sum of its parts.” (This maxim may be the closest Boygenius will ever come to a cliché, but they, and you, have got to embrace one that is this mathematically inescapable.)

When it came to the material they brought to the table, far from coming up with tunes that felt like discards from their solo releases, “The Record” ended up being chock-full of extremely personal and introspective songs. But it also included some of the most inherently commercial songs any of them have done, apart or together. You may recall that Bridgers had to be kind of coerced into making “Kyoto” a banger; in each other’s company, there was no such reticence.

“Definitely with ‘Not Strong Enough,’” Bridgers says, “I was like, ‘It’d be fun to have a radio song.’” (And, as it turns out, a Grammy song; it’s up for record of the year.) “With the songs that we were gravitating toward, we knew ‘True Blue’” — a Dacus-led ballad — “was gonna be such an indie smash, and fucking ‘Satanist’” — conceived by Baker — “goes so hard. ‘Strong Enough’ was the one we finished last, and I was like, ‘Let’s each write and sing a verse, because this could be the single.’” It didn’t feel like a sellout. “A lot of stuff that would feel contrived, solo, doesn’t feel contrived with these guys, because it’s just all in the spirit of fun and being together. And, yeah, it’s the first time I’ve ever been like, ‘Damn, people are gonna sing along to this part!’”

That delirious spirit stands in healthy contrast to the sad-core image some people might have slapped onto one or all of the band members. But it’s hardly all about the mirth. At the Bowl, as on every other night in the latter parts of the tour, Bridgers asked the audience to put away all phones for the album’s devastating final track, “Letter to an Old Poet,” as she walked the semicircular platform separating the front two seating areas. She says, “Every once in a while I see a phone and I fume, but mostly they’re great and they put their phones away. And because most of the show has been looking through people’s phones and not at their faces, suddenly they become a roomful of people, and it’s insanely powerful to me.”

Why that number in particular, for shutting down cameras? Is it just one of a dozen possible moments to make that request, or is there something in particular about this one’s wounded and angry spirit…

“I play plenty of heavy songs,” Bridges says, “but that one feels too dark to not be having a communal experience.”

“Isn’t that the only time that you’ve cried while doing a vocal take — during that song?” Dacus asks.

“Yeah. I had a couple years where I had a hard time crying,” Bridgers affirms. “I’m over it now, thank God. Now I cry all the time. But ‘Letter to an Old Poet’ is one of the only times I’ve cried onstage.”

“Lucky,” Dacus says. “I hate crying onstage. It happens. I hate that shit.”

These asides about tears might give a Boygenius novice the wrong impression about the band. Even their softer songs tend to have a barb in them, and others, like the screamfests “$20” or “Satanist,” are undeniably hard-ass. A cutting irreverence is the hallmark that makes the sentimental moments honest and disarming.

Their irreverence comes through in their choice of stage or TV outfits too: At the Bowl, they dressed up as the Father, Son and Holy Ghost (with Dave Grohl sitting in briefly on drums as a zombie priest). “If you think of a three-person costume,” Baker explains, “what’s three things? We were like, ‘We could be the Trinity.’” Maybe it’s just as simple as that — numbers as Halloween destiny. But the band members don’t demur when the suggestion comes up that maybe it also had something to do with the phrase that is repeated over and over again in the bridge of “Not Strong Enough”: “Always an angel, never a god.” They switched up that equation, if just for one night, getting deistic at the Bowl.

Less than two weeks later, for “SNL,” they dressed up as the Beatles in their Ed Sullivan-era early prime. The Trinity? The Fab Four? Screw CSNY and all the rest; these women know a real supergroup when they see one.

When “SNL” came around, it was clear they would only be emulating the Beatles and not, like, the Who. There was definitely not going to be any attempt on the show to repeat Bridgers’ guitar-smashing solo appearance of 2021. “Hey, I tried,” she says about not quite fully breaking her ax on that occasion; the guitar took a licking, but almost kept on ticking, a resilience she was amused, not annoyed, by.

This year, the group has been more about melting hearts than heating up flame wars — whether that’s been in their more nakedly revealing songs or taking up causes like dressing in drag in Nashville to support the trans community under political attack there, or inviting Indigenous groups to provide invocations before select tour dates.

When the band receives its Group of the Year award at Variety‘s Hitmakers event, Joan Baez will be presenting the honor to the trio. That may seem like an odd pairing if you’re only considering Boygenius’ more irreverent moments, but an utterly apropos matchup if you are keeping in mind the band’s deeply earnest side and, especially, the social conscience that flares up around their performances. As it happens, the group has also performed at Baez’s Bread and Roses benefits in the Bay area.

“Oh my God,” says Dacus. “Sometimes I have to remember how important she is, because in our experience of her, she’s just been super-kind, and complimenting us, and then it’s like, ‘You’re Joan Baez! You made music joyfully political for a whole generation of people!’ Sometimes we lament how people in media are asked to basically be politicians now…”

“Because politicians aren’t being politicians,” Bridgers interjects — “they’re being fucking TV stars.”

“But she set this example of, because you’re a human, you have to stand for things,” Dacus continues. “So, it’s not because we’re musicians that we care about these causes, it’s because we’re people, and we would be caring about them if we all had office jobs. A lot of people are afraid to do that, and she wasn’t, and it’s a great example for us. We are not very afraid to say what we believe. … Just as a person, I hope to be like her.”

Bridgers notes that Baez, in her initial heyday as America’s folkie sweetheart, “was losing opportunities because she was radical — and then that ended up being the fuel for her whole career. How radical she was was then rewarded.” She sums up Baez’s appeal in a nutshell: “Woody Guthrie was screeching this, and I’m gonna sing it.” (They crack up, with Bridgers noting that no offense to anyone living or dead was intended: “We’re big Woody fans.”)

Baker has thoughts about how they earn the right to be what might be perceived as political, whether it’s something as seemingly un-divisive as having Indigenous people do Land Acknowledgements introductions before their sets, or speaking up on trans or reproductive choice issues.

“Giving them something of ourselves in the songs is like an endearment practice, where we’re like, ‘You will trust us because you have an emotional connection to something we’ve said that resonates with you.’ So when we are in drag at the Nashville show [just after the state enacted anti-drag laws], kids are trusting our judgment, because we’ve gone to the trouble of sharing something difficult or even painful for us to communicate. Then it’s worth it for them to enter that conversation, because we’ve set the stakes of like what’s important to communicate, even if involves conflict or pain.”

The songs themselves aren’t always, if ever, aimed at the fans, though. Sometimes the target audience for the material is, well, Boygenius.

“We write songs to each other as a communication method,” Baker says.

Bridgers doesn’t think it should be mistaken for oversharing. “We have plenty of stuff that’s sacred and not shown to anybody other than each other. I think there’s this weird misconception sometimes that we don’t have a private relationship, because so much of it this year has been monetized in our performance.” And yet, Dacus says, their music is as transparently interpersonal as it sounds. “Some friendships over years don’t get to enough of a level of intimacy to share the types of fears and desires and hopes that we are saying.”

“We hang out,” declares Baker, as if this might not be a matter-of-fact thing for a working rock group. (It doesn’t go without saying.)

How long will the hang last?

In October, the band put out a four-song EP called “The Rest,” a sequel or companion piece to “The Record.” The title does have an air of at least temporary finality to it, as if the cupboard is bare. Says Bridgers, “It’s funny that it’s called ‘The Rest,’ because we absolutely do have more songs that we didn’t put out.”

But where do they go from here? In 2023, did the side hustle so overtake the main hustle that they should keep Boygenius going into 2024, when they could certainly sell out sheds or maybe even arenas they didn’t come near this year? They’ve already broken with supergroup form so much; would it be a terrible thing if they were to further break it to the point of unexpectedly doing an immediate, sequential band album? Or do they revert to their solo corners? Fans might wish there could be a multiverse in which the band never pauses, on one track, and individual careers proceed apace on another.

Conventional wisdom would suggest they will not let solo albums go unmade just for the sake of rocking more venues. But you will not get a definitive answer here.

“I don’t know,” says Bridgers. “It’s incredible to me that we have kept the ethos behind the band the whole way, which is: it just has to be fun. We’ve done a lot of shit, but there’s also shit we said no to, stuff that felt like it was like pushing a boundary as far as travel or labor and stuff that sounds like we might push ourselves into not having fun. So that gets to continue forward, after this album cycle. I think we just are gonna do whatever is fun, and remain each other to each other. These guys are as involved in what I do as they are in Boygenius. We show each other ideas, and…”

“We need each other’s brains,” Dacus says.

So is it possible to specifically say that solo albums are what’s next, or do they want to leave a bit of mystery?

The attempt to pin it down leaves them unusually cagey. “It’s a mystery,” Bridgers says.

Dacus: “I’ll just say I’m not thinking about it.”

Bridgers: “Oh, yeah. It’s a mystery to us.”

Dacus, having the final noncommittal word: “If it’s a mystery to you, it’s a mystery to us too.”

Hard to tell whether there might be any real indecision here, or whether they just don’t want to lay out all their cards for the outside world, or whether they might be having a difficult time reconciling themselves to a near-future in which they might be Zoom advisors to one another instead of daily physical confidantes.

In the immediate meanwhile, there is Grammy season, and a slew of awards to be won, or not won. Bridgers has some experience there, with her multiple nominations in 2021. “It was still very deeply fucking COVID when I was nominated, and I was pretty like traumatized last time, and like the only way I felt it was on the phone. To find out in a room full of people and be celebrating, it’s already way more fun.” Dacus says being collectively recognized is “triple the joy, right? Much easier to feel happy for them” than for herself, she says. “Much easier to feel.”

Is there a line from any of their songs that could maybe encapsulate how they’re feeling right now, between the six Grammy noms, the “SNL” appearance and the impending end-of-year accolades? At that question, they start to laugh.

“Give me your funny ones,” someone says.

Then Dacus says, “Ohhh, I have a cute one.”

“Which one?” the others ask, curious to get an earnest answer after all.

Quoting one of her own lyrics, Dacus lowers her voice, as if it’s suddenly occurred to her that it’s a secret that she’s sharing. “‘I never thought you’d happen to me,’” she says.

(x) photos by Jingyu Lin

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2024-09-02

Do you rember. Wen day is dark, sember.

Listening: @cyelatm released a new album Habit Prism that I've been listening to in bits and pieces. Even, rhythmic folk, good music to have on when you have people around.

In that vein, Bandcamp Friday this coming Friday! Make your lists!

Watching: Watched The Raid which I've had kicking around for a bit. Do you want to watch guys punch each other all over for like 15 minutes at a time for an hour? No? Get better taste in movies and then watch guys punch each other all over for like 15 minutes at a time for an hour.

The Raid is so obviously made for like two dollars, there's one building, every single gun and piece of armour is airsoft gear, the camera is visibly some mid-tier hardware that suffers from severe rolling shutter, and it kicks so much ass.

There's some really interesting things happening with camera movement in this movie. Really really complicated multi-axis camera moves, the same shot will take like six different dutch angles in a single move, or will lock on to different objects and follow them, it's great for martial arts but it's also used to pretty good effect in some interstitial scenes.

The culminating fight with Mad Dog is so wild, literally just three guys in an empty concrete cube fighting for a solid ten or twelve minutes and it works! Does not seem possible. They actively remove almost every prop from the room so it's just guys hitting each other but they keep doing incredible stunts.

It's funny looking at the gifsets on here because they're unreadable, everything happens so fast and requires so much context that is only delivered in the full flow of the movie. My favourite part is when he said "It's Raiding Time" and raided all over those guys.

Reading: Finally sat down and got through the Phalanx's Twilight, Legion's Triumph series on acoup.

Sections IVa-c mostly slid off my brain because it's a bunch of wars I don't know enough about to contextualize but it's mostly justification for what's explained in parts I-III which were great, and it's an interesting look at how the political and military structures of Rome interwove to improve the effectiveness of the Legion.

Also reading Skin Horse, which I started ages ago but never got very far, I think because I started a job around that time and lost track of it. Sticking webcomic tabs on my little ARM tablet is really convenient, I've jammed Out Of Placers and Laika's Comet in there as well, it's been a while since I did a big archive dive on a comic.

Skin Horse is very much of its time, not really in sensibility but just in content. The nerds are characterized by liking Harry Potter.

Making: Resolved the power delivery issues that were causing me to have mysterious failures with the LED driver. That was annoying. Anyway remember to split your power supply when you could potentially pull like 10A@5V to drive LED's.

Playing: Tactical Breach Wizards campaign is ongoing, as you get deeper into the campaign your team expands which dramatically complicates operations, your possible actions explode, and I'm not even halfway through.

Dall was my newest operator at time of writing and she's probably the hardest to use, she can deal a lot of damage but relies more so than anyone else on good positioning, it's really easy to end up way out of place and waste her moves, and she's too heavy to shunt around with Jen's storm attacks the way you can with the others.

Speaking of those, I really like how the short turns and deterministic actions mean you can get really into the weeds. The first time I used a gale grenade to shunt Zan over one extra block to line him up I assumed this would be a sometimes food but you really find yourself doing stuff like that all the time.

I'm heading back and picking through some of the challenge missions concurrently with playing partially to stretch out overall gameplay and partially because I think having fewer abilities unlocked will make those more interesting.

Tools and Equipment: You know, I think we know each other pretty well, I can put this here. The Doxy USB-C Wand is a safe and legal thrill.

[byierficrecs]

not sure how it's possible but your work keeps getting prettier and prettier! can i ask what your process/method is for creation?

hello! sorry it's taken me a little to reply :S first of all, thank you!! that's very sweet ^-^ anyway, i'm not sure this will be particularly insightful :( but here goes nothing:

step 1: check the form for new submissions!

and then delete them all >:) ,,,but not without copying the information to a variety of spreadsheets. behold the madness:

in this one i copy the information that was submitted as it is.

these are where i rearrange the information so a) my brain can understand it and b) so that i can copy/paste stuff while making graphics and at the time of posting.

the first one is for the captions i attach to every tumblr post, and the second is the alt text for the images. there's a third one for twitter, but it's the same as the tumblr one.

and this one is where i keep track of all the steps i follow!

spreadsheet: copying the information from the forms

proofread: open the ao3 work to quickly check that someone didn't sneak explicit stuff or something like that

read and graphic: self-explanatory

captions and alt text: registering the information in the tables i showed before

twitter and tumblr: scheduling the posts to go up

(3 and 4 are inverted, but i'm too lazy to change it now x.x also, notice how they are (mostly) arranged in groups of three; before i even proofread things, i roughly decide the general aesthetic of the graphic: dark, pastel or colourful)

i do this almost every night. since people usually submit stuff in bulk, i often spend one or two hours simply sorting through the forms.

step 2: read the stories!

i usually read a story, then make the graphic immediately after. this is so i don't mix things up and the story is fresh in my very-forgetful mind~ while i read, i try to imagine things as they happen and pick at least one element i want to include in the graphic.

for instance, for this one (post), i wanted a duck somewhere. evidently, it ended up being a very minor detail but there they are! ducklings! :]

step 3: try to imagine the graphic

this is admittedly the hardest part tbh. i stick to my statement: i am not an artist. give me a minute and i will come up with a decently fleshed-out story idea. art or visual aspects are a different tale x.x some days my creativity leaves me altogether and i just stare into space for hours with absolutely no clue of how to make a graphic for one story.

hence why i rely so much on inspiration. some days i ravage my bookshelf, some days i google "spider book cover", some days i browse spotify and look at the album art and many days i end up scrolling through the canva templates section for hours until i see something that sparks an idea.

this one (post) is random. i was stumped on what to do and then i glanced at the video i had on the background and that was that.

i look at anything and everything for inspiration,,, again, i have no idea how artists do this x.x not to imply that they don't struggle (i'm sure they do), but i'm genuinely bad at this,,, especially since i try to make all the graphics as unique as possible; i like flowers, they are pretty and go well with most stories, but i think it'd be quite boring if everything i made had flowers :S

step 4: make the graphic

anyway, when i (finally) have an idea, i go on canva and get down the first element i had in mind, or the colour i want to use, or the general composition,,, anything. sometimes the only thing i've thought about is the text.

and then i just go from there, often with no plan or ending idea in mind :S

some graphics are simple and i can get them done in two hours, some are complex and i get them done in ten hours. perfectionism is how my brain is wired and i always feel like i need to bring things to perfection, so i tweak everything a lot even if i know i could get away with leaving some stuff as it is.

alas, i try to have fun during the process and sometimes i surprise myself with making something i am super proud of!

like this one! (post). as you can see, there are a bunch of layers and details. i went in with literally no plan but i kept adding stuff until it felt good :]

it's not as simple as just sticking some of canva's assets together, though. i often have to do a lot of editing. everything in that tunnel, for instance, was just lineart (?) with no option to give it a background colour, so i had to go in with my limited artsy knowledge and paint things until they looked the way i wanted.

these are all the different canva assets i used in that one + a finn silhouette. i'm trying not to use too many silhouettes because, like flowers, it's easy and i often gravitate to that but no >:( i shan't fall prey to the impulses.

speaking of silhouettes,,, there must be an easier way to do it, but the software i use (gimp; it's free x.x) is a little confusing to me so i just end up "tracing" over the outline of photos i like.

in the process, i tend to go all,,, frankenstein.

i chopped off finn's arm in the first one :( but then i gave him a jacket for the second one because his silhouette looked cold ^-^ (also gave noah will-hair). third one i just,,, mirrored the other arm x.x 1st story || 2nd story || 3rd story

other minor changes i often have to do is recolouring stuff and the like

again, these are edited with gimp and i'm sure there are weird errors, but i felt the story needed something softer (post).

some elements i actually find from other free source (?) websites, but it's rare.

last, but not least, sometimes i do try my hand at art x.x i'm not sure i'm good in the slightest, but it's been somewhat fun to try. i tend to look at artists i like, mainly for colour palettes because i never struggle with the graphics but i get stuck when trying to draw :S

for instance, the colours in this one (post) are all inspired by the second artwork in the tweet.

step 5: double check before posting

confession: yesterday i forgot to add the author's name to a graphic. there are at least three graphics in this account that are missing the "ratings" altogether. sometimes, there are minuscule mistakes that could've been easily spotted and fixed and i just,,, didn't see them.

i often catch a million things like that while making the graphics, but things do slip at times and i end up thinking about them for weeks x.x so i double and triple check everything and i never catch everything, but i try :S

i try to get my brother to help me a little, but the dingus always says everything is okei and goes back to his shenanigans >:( he is an actual artist so it's all the more frustrating but alas, there's nothing i can do about it x.x

step 6: schedule things for posting

uh,, not much to say about this. i just add the graphics, copy the information from the spreadsheets i showed you, then add all the links and tags and leave things be :]

except,,, i don't. i move on to something else and then i go back to check for mistakes and i keep looking for errors and i sometimes change things last minute x.x

the little detail in the corner where mike is screaming? that was added a minute the thing went up,,, (post)

it's uh,, overwhelming. i know i overthink way too much (about my writing, too), but it's been ten years of getting anxious about these things so i'm not sure it'll stop anytime soon :(

the little comments you guys leave really help though! so thank you for that :]

step 7: post the thing and "rest"

again, i continue to search for errors after i post, but unless it's a big thing (like the aforementioned "i forgot to add the author's name" moment from yesterday) i force myself to leave the post as it is. my brain hates me for it, but it's the one thing i manage to do to ease my anxiety x.x

so, with the post up and big errors mended, i get to rest! for a bit! and then i have to do it all over again!

this entire process (step 1 excluded) takes around 4-6 hours (or more) so by the time i post something, i'm already late at making the next graphic :S hence why i usually take a couple free days every few graphics.

i've also been really sick lately (covid + randomly passing out because of overarching health issues) so things take a bit longer :(

it's fun though! i'd never tried my hand at any visual stuff and some graphics are admittedly lackluster, but sometimes i surprise myself with some very pretty things i make :]

in addition to the ones i've already shared, i'm quite proud of these graphics~ 1st story || 2nd story || 3rd story || 4th story || 5th story || 6th story

plus, i get to talk to a lot of nice people, read/share wonderful stories, and more importantly, do something nice for authors! so it's all worth it, i think :]

random, but i'm not sure i'll ever get to use this little guy so i want to share him :D

anyway, i could continue to procrastinate for quite a while but i have to (gues what!) go make today's graphics x.x shoutout to all the authors whose stories i randomly featured here; please check all their stories as they are all amazing.

@itsromeowrites, @ghoulsanderson, @wiseatom, @eggo-owl, @smoosnoom, @byeler, @bookinit02, @lilacline001, @astrobei, @voulezvulcan, @sevensided

i'm going to take a nap now. apologies if, after all this, i didn't even answer your question.

personal blog || support me on ko-fi x.x

[rescue-ram]

i can’t remember if i sent you an ask or not for the mash game but 1 , 15 , 20 and if i already have sorry

Favorite Swamp Rat

(edit by majorbaby ❤️)

Theme Song

HRM. Okay, I'm going to pick two songs that make me think of TrapHawk: Middle of Love by Jake Wesley Rogers (Look at us showing up to the funeral with conversation that's way too colorful) and DON'T TELL THE BOYS by Petey (I'll always be a lending ear, I'll be your elephant best friend, don't tell the boys we got each other and I'll love you till the end)

Also I once listened to the entirety of Twin Fantasy by Car Seat Headrest spiralling about TrapHawk, so that whole album counts as a TrapHawk anthem to me XD

Fave vs Unfave Fight

Okay the hardest part of this is picking a character I can't stand because I feel like that's very strong language for this show XD I'm gonna go with Trapper vs Potter, which is strong language for how I feel about Potter but I genuinely don't remember enough about. Like Rizzo or someone like that to decide if I hate them more, and Potter has committed Being Mean Crimes.

Okay, so, here's the thing- I think in a straight up fistfight Potter would win. He's short and old, so Trapper would underestimate him and hesitate to get in the first punch, and Potter wouldn't. Plus Trapper has canonically "lost his punch" and has a glass stomach, so I think Potter just has to get one solid slug to Trapper's midsection while Trapper's flailing at him and my baby boy would hit the mat.

HOWEVER if Trapper is allowed to crawl back to the Swamp and look at Hawkeye with big puppy dog eyes 🥺 until he agrees to join him in full on psychological warfare on Potter? Oh that old man will be out of the army in three days or less kfjdksjfkd

[thosetwofirefighters]

Nat my lovely!!! number 25 of the music asks, if you don’t mind please ❤️ hope you’re doing well!

Abbi!!!!!! Hi ily ❤️❤️ this was so fucking hard lmao

25: top three songs of 2017

1. Praying by Kesha

2. Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko (ik the album was released in 2018 but the single came out in 2017 so it counts ok?)

3. Malibu or Rainbowland by Miley Cyrus

hardest part about this wasn’t even picking the songs but instead 1) remembering that no, I wasn’t in high school in 2017 and 2) figuring out which music even came out in 2017 😂

“the three songs” ask set

[greenlikethesea]

5 and 13 and 14 for 3 weddings!!

hello my dear!!!

pick a fic and ask me a question about it!

Three Weddings and a Funeral

5. What part was hardest to write?

a lot of this fic flowed out of me like water, if i'm being honest, but emotionally there were definitely some parts that were harder to write!

i think chapter 3, for me, was the hardest to write, because it brought up a lot of strange, painful things for me that i've been revisiting lately. of course, i was reminded of the many, many funerals i've been to, but also i thought of the acute pain of discovering you love someone and how it can be both wonderful and terrible. i know that, personally, i have many hangups about love and sex, and have intimate knowledge of wanting someone so badly it makes my whole body ache. so i really felt for steve and put myself in his shoes in this chapter!

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

honestly, even though we only wrote it five months ago, i don't really remember what i was listening to at the time! some albums that i think are essential listening for 3WAAF as well as fair ithilien are Screaming for Vengeance by Judas Priest, Whitney by Whitney Houston, and Diamond Life by Sade (one of Megan's favorites).

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

your life does not end when you are twenty! you can find love later. it is so important to me that steve and eddie find each other when they're older and they're actually ready for that sort of love. i used to think i was so broken for not having a steady partner, but it just doesn't work that way. life is long!

[wammygiveaway]

Hip-Hop-Tober: Dem Boyz

Artist: GIT f/ T-Weaponz, Shamrock, Trae Album: T-Weaponz - Just Begun / Dem Boyz 12" Song: Dem Boyz (Remix)

Disclaimer: this verse contains violent rhetoric.

Wammy's Verse (Listen)

I got a motherfuckin' bone to pick with The blow's a sick wit, the flow's a liquid You got a lot of balls to be going against it I rip the lipstick, from off the dipstick I'm lyrically charged than a battery dud Fuck around with Dub, that's a .44 stud When I roam through ya zone, in a 20-inch chrome I'm coming home for the dome and the throne I'm a do it every time I put a pen to the pad Motherfuckers soft as cotton and it's making me mad Candelabra on the table, and it's making me sad Lighten up, it's time you lovers got a kick in the nads Ema should've shut up with his gift of the gab Not another word, I'm a lift up a jab Spit it with the quickness of the fitness, when I'm in this, I'm in this Administer this 'til he packing the bags Coming from the west where we wreck the reckless Running with the rest where we rest the restless Pull up in a Lex, then we hit the Lexus Put 'em in the decks with the necks and necklace Purpose for the pump be to bump defenses Better make 'em jump or you jump the fences Wammy gonna give it hard as ever while you sever your center To makin' cents, but you making senseless

Fresh off their bilingual breakthrough banger "Mira Mira" from 2004, the triumvirate T-Weaponz went from teaching Spanish to territorial toughness with the hard hittin' headbanger "Dem Boyz." Released sometime in 2006, it's a heart-pounding bass-thumping street screwing cipher that east coast producer GIT Beats laced up beautifully, and is one of my favorite beats in all of rap music. It really does pull you in the minute you push play in your CD or cassette deck, like walking into a fight club and knowing your ass is gonna get handed to you if you're not knowin' your way around the ring.

Fans of the Latin Hip Hop network Pocos Pero Locos might be familiar with "Dem Boyz" because it was aired there first, but in a completely different version. The third verse was originally an IzReal solo which started with "I know my momma know" and finished off with different variations and uses of the word "supplies," which I thought was an absolutely awesome closing delivery from him. When "Dem Boyz" was re-released, it underwent a few changes:

The song now had four verses instead of three

IzReal's solo verse was replaced with a different one, this time sharing duties with Psalmz (who did not appear in the original)

To fit with the chorus's theme ("Don't go messin' with them boys from the south, from the south"), they brought in Texas rap legend Trae Tha Truth

In short, it's a remix. And it's this version that was used for coming up with the verse you see above. But I really wanted to hit it hard, portray the west side as one of the hardest in the region you didn't wanna go messing around with. Not only was it hard, it had to be fast and swift, so the approach ended up becoming a triple cadence affair, veering into Bone Thugs-N-Harmony territory. Let me tell you, it is not easy spitting fast; from my personal experience, the chances of fumbling a consonant or word increases heavily when you speed up the flow, especially for someone going toward 40 with a growing speech impediment. Even a few of the lines I originally wrote had to be changed for the betterment of my mouth.

The line "Fuck around with Dub, that's a .44 stud" comes from a scene in the 1992 martial arts comedy film 3 Ninjas. As they're heading home from their summer training, Grandpa's kids Rocky, Colt and Tum-Tum sing a bloody graphic rendition of "On Top Of Old Smokey." The ".44 stud" part in their camp ode was gold to me that I had to throw it in, but I needed to find a rhyme couplet for "stud;" all I had at the time was dud, as in battery dud. To say I was lyrically charged than a battery dud has to be one of the weirdest oxymorons I have ever written. And to close this topic off on a strange note, yes, .44 studs do exists, but they're used for welding.

Personally, I am very proud of this verse. The rhymes galore, the little puns here and there, the speedy flow, all this while trying to keep a straight face. It's very difficult to recite this in more ways than one, even now for me, but once you nail it down to a tee, you feel fully accomplished.

What Does Ema Mean? You're gonna see this word used a lot in my old verses. This was my attempt at trying to write Mexican-American in a short handed way. The consonant letter "M" has an English pronunciation while the vowel letter "A" (as in "ahhh") remains en español. It may sound as if I'm calling out a person named Emma, as in "Emma Frost" from Marvel's X-Men, but it is absolutely not the case. Part of doing retrospectives is to go through both the good, the bad and the ugly in an objective view that reads more like a reckoning. At the time of its conception, I thought the word "ema" was a great replacement for the standout words "cholo," "vato" and "ese," a noun that had no ties to gangs whatsoever. There will be a post when I get to further assess the origins behind the word, but now is not the time.

[juyeoniemyhoney]

be careful what you wish for, lest it come true

You had wanted this to end. You wanted the lying, this stupid last-ditch effort, half-assed plan to end. But now that it is over, just like you wanted, just like you wished it would, why does it feel like something is terribly wrong? Like you had just made the worst decision of your life letting Juyeon go? They always say to be careful what you wish for, lest it come true, so you can't help but wonder if you had been too careless in your wishing or if you are just overthinking everything like you usually do.

-pairing: lee juyeon x reader

-genre: fluffy af, a little angst???, honestly i have no idea what genre this is anymore, fake dating

-warnings: none really, y/n is in denial lol

-word count: 2744 words

-A/N: omg i know this took a million years and ten wars to finish but it's finally here!! it's significantly shorter than other chapters and thats because it was so hard for me to finally decide what direction i wanted this series to go... but here you go! although it's short, i hope you guys enjoy it<3

read the other parts to rent a boyfie -> here!

--------

You know, when you envisioned you, Juyeon and your mother at your dining table for dinner, you didn't quite filter in your mother's incessant tendency to overshare. Nor did you remember that she has a very bad habit of embarrassing her own children in front of their spouses. You were there when it happened to your brother and sister. And now, you are here as it is happening to you.

The reason why your mother's bags were so heavy was because she had made the decision to ransack your childhood bedroom for any and every single form of memorabilia from your childhood. Photo albums, polaroid pictures, yearbooks, you name it. And said embarrassing photos and whatnot are currently spread out on your coffee table as Juyeon and your mother look over them, your mother telling detailed stories behind each picture as Juyeon listens on intently.

"That was when her brother dropped her birthday cake all over her," your mother comments as Juyeon picks up a printed photo of you sobbing your tear ducts into a desert, party hat askew on your head, your favourite shirt covered in chocolate cake and frosting, your sister laughing herself to tears and your brother smiling sheepishly as he gets up from where he tripped and flung the cake onto you.

"Don't show him that," you huff, reaching over Juyeon in an attempt to snatch the embarrassing photo from his grasp. Juyeon, ever the athlete (you don't actually know if he was or is an athlete), dodges your attack with ease, lifting the photo out of your grasp as he continues to examine it with a beaming grin.

"You have snot running down your nose," he laughs, showing you the picture like you haven't seen it before, like it wasn't you who had snot running down your nose and cake all over your face. You sneer and advert your eyes, shoving Juyeon's hands away from you.

"So, Juyeon," your mother starts when a silence stretches on, Juyeon too focused on your childhood and you too focused on thinking up of an excuse to leave. "What do your parents do?"

At the question, Juyeon goes rigid. He freezes and though his head is tilted down, you see his smile drop and his adam's apple bob as he swallows harshly. Oh no. Sensitive topic. And you two didn't discuss a backstory either because you were too busy sleeping.

"Mother," you mutter under your breath, sending her a look of censure and a firm shake of your head. Her eyes widen and she clears her throat, frantically trying to think of something else to say to divert the topic.

"My dad is a pilot. He's never really been, you know, present," he starts, head lifting to look at your mother. Underneath the table, your hand nudges Juyeon's thigh, a simple and urgent gesture saying a million things that he completely decides to ignore.

"My mum was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's a few months ago," he says, still smiling.

A silence envelopes the three of you and you try your hardest to hide your shock. That's why he was at the hospital. He must've gone to visit his mother at the nursing home connected to your hospital. Bile rises up in your throat and you feel inexplicably bad that Juyeon has to tell his life story to two people whom he will never see again after tonight. And well, of course, you feel bad for his situation. You would never have imagined that calm, levelheaded, smiley Juyeon was going through such a miserable ordeal, where he has to watch his mother forget him and everything of her life before his very eyes. Your hand shifts from the carpet and tentatively, you reach for Juyeon's hand, giving it a squeeze when your fingers curl around his thumb.

"I'm sorry, Juyeon. I shouldn't have asked," your mother apologises, her eyes darting from Juyeon to the pictures splayed out on the table, gaze shifting uncomfortably from picture to picture as she thinks up of something to change the topic to.

"That's okay. You've been so nice to me and..." he trails off, frowning as he considers his words. "I don't know if this is weird but, in a way, you remind me of my mother. So, I'm so happy that you invited me over yesterday," he continues after his brief pause. When Juyeon finishes his sentence, he squeezes your hand back.

"I'm glad I invited you too, Juyeon. And I'm even more glad about the fact that you might become a part of our family. I hope Y/N treats you well. If she doesn't you just come straight to me. I'll make sure she never does a single thing to wrong you," your mother replies, sending him a beaming grin. You roll your eyes. Your mother never misses a chance to be dramatic.

"Oh no! Would you look at the time! I think it's time for Juyeon to go! Didn't you say that you have a flower delivery to make at exactly five forty-three? What a shame. Come on, get your coat, I'll walk you down," you exclaim in faux disappointment, snaking your hand into Juyeon's palm properly so that you can pull him up with you. Juyeon, always so nice and obedient, stands up with you and trails behind you as you lead him away from the coffee table.

Surprisingly, as you hand Juyeon his coat and take your own, your mother does nothing at all to stop the two of you from leaving. Instead, she silently follows the two of you to the door and watches the two of you leave after saying goodbye to Juyeon.

"Thank you for cooking. It was lovely," Juyeon says as he hugs your mother goodbye. She presses a kiss on each cheek before letting him go and smiles at him sweetly.

"I'll cook for you whenever. Just tell Y/N."

"Okay, let's not agree to anything without me now," you interject before Juyeon can say anything more.

"I'll just walk him to his car," you tell your mother before turning around and making your way to the lift lobby. As the two of you walk with your backs being watched by your mother, Juyeon's hand finds yours and he interlaces your fingers.

The warmth of his palms seems to travel up to your cheeks and your chest, so uncomfortable and intolerably hot that it pulls sweat to the surface of your skin, clamming up your palms and making your feet sweat. You very suddenly and very desperately want to rip your jacket off because of how hot you are feeling but you remain calm and beg your body to calm down. It does not listen and your heart begins to pick up speed and you have to remind yourself for the nth time that this is all merely an act. Juyeon isn't holding your hand because he wants to. Juyeon isn't here right now because he wants to be. Juyeon is not your boyfriend because he wants to be.

When the two of you enter the lift, you expect Juyeon to let go of your hand and retreat to the other side of your lift, far away from you. But he doesn't. He keeps your hand securely tucked in his and stays right next to you, shoulders brushing, your knuckles ghosting the material of his track pants.

"Juyeon?" you call softly, not quite sure if you'd want to ask the question that has been weighing on your mind since you'd woken up. You pause for a while to ponder your thoughts but decide to ask anyway.

"When I woke up, you were holding my hand," you start, gaze shifting from the lift doors to look up to Juyeon.

"Yeah?" Juyeon answers a little too breathless for his liking. He can feel his cheeks grow hot and his palms grow sweaty. Holding your hand shouldn't bother him, especially not when he has a perfectly good explanation for it. But it certainly doesn't help when you're looking up at him like that, eyes wide and earnest and innocent, looking so pure and good and pretty that it makes something in him short circuit.

"Why?"

God, does he not want to answer that question. It'll make things awkward and tense and weird because his reason behind holding your hand isn't really that good of a reason now that he thinks about it. And you'll definitely look at him weirdly after you find out because if he didn't have a single ounce of affection for you in him, he wouldn't have held your hand. But if he tells you, you'll realise that Juyeon actually has a little bit of a soft spot for you. And it's not like he doesn't find you attractive, he does. But, he doesn't know. It'll just make things awkward and he doesn't want to tell you.

But you're looking at him like that.

"You were having a really bad nightmare," he says just as the lift reaches the ground floor. The doors open and the two of you walk out hand in hand. "So, I don't know," Juyeon says, pausing as he pulls open the door of the lift lobby. "I just thought that maybe you'd be less afraid if I held your hand."

You are stunned into silence. Or maybe, you're not stunned but more so you just have no idea how to reply to that. Do you say thank you? Or should you be weirded out that Juyeon's first instinct when he saw you freaking out because of a nightmare was not to wake you up but instead hold your hand? Or should your heart be beating this fast? Should your cheeks be this hot? Should you even be contemplating all these things or should you be trying to come up with a reply?

"Thank you," is what you settle on in the end, just as you reach his car. Juyeon simply shakes his head with a small smile as if to say that it isn't a problem at all to him.

"So..." he trails off, car keys in his free hand, his other hand still holding yours.

"I guess this is goodbye," you say, your eyes to the floor. You'd forgotten about this. That this is technically the last time that you'd interact with Juyeon. That Juyeon isn't actually your boyfriend. You shouldn't be sad. In fact, you should be overjoyed that this complicated, anxiety-inducing lie has finally come to an end. But you aren't. You're far from overjoyed, if anything, you may feel like you don't want this to end. Whatever this is supposed to be.

"Yeah, I guess," Juyeon replies, letting go of your hand. Autumn wind blows through your hair and between you and Juyeon; it blows in between each of your fingers and through each crease on your palm, cold and chilling, a stark reminder of its emptiness and the sheer lack of Juyeon's hand. Your stomach sinks and you can't help but think that the cold wind reminds you of your heart right now.

"Thank you for all your help," you say with a slight bow of your head. "I'll wire you the money soon."

"You can take your time. It's no rush," Juyeon replies with a small smile. You read it as rueful but you're sure that he is just trying to be polite.

"Why do you look so sad?" he asks sightly teasing, dipping his head to catch your lowered gaze. You tuck your chin further into your chest and hope he doesn't see the way your eyes are slightly glossed over.

Times like these really are telling of how much you are your mother's daughter. Because you are being so dramatic right now. Why on earth are you crying? This is a man you hired to pretend to be your boyfriend for crying out loud. He is no one. He is supposed to be no one to you. And yet, here you are, close to tears at the thought of never being able to see him ever again, so painfully transparent with how upset you are at this development that you yourself made happen. You are the one who wants nothing to do with Juyeon anymore. You are the one who wants this whole lie to end. Right?

Juyeon doesn't quite know what to do when he sees the gloss in your eyes, doesn't know if it's real or if he's just imagined it. But then, he glances up and sees your mother watching the both of you from your flat's window and begins to panic. You can't break up here. No, that'll be way too suspicious. And right now, you look too sad and he looks too flustered. He has to do something quick so, without much thought, he pulls you in by your shoulders into a hug, your face in his chest, his chin resting on your head.

You inhale sharply when Juyeon pulls you forward but almost sigh in satisfaction when your face hits his chest. He's warm and smells like wood and vanilla and your heart goes absolutely haywire, pinballing all-around inside your chest, his scent and his warmth almost dizzying. Your arms come up to hug his waist and no one you have hugged can ever compare to the feeling of being hugged by Juyeon. You sink into his chest, nestle your face against the cotton of his clothes, and tighten your arms around his waist. You want to squeeze him tighter, so tight that you are falling into him and burrowing your way into his heart.

"Don't be sad, Y/N," he coos. "You're actually really fun to hang out with. We can be friends," he tells you and you feel his smile against the crown of your head. "Also, I'm sorry I didn't warn you before hugging you. I saw your mum watching us and kinda panicked."

You can't deny the sinking of your heart when you hear that this hug isn't out of his own will. But you settle for it. At least he is hugging you. At least you have held him once. It should be enough. It should be more than enough.

"It's okay," you say, squeeze him a little tighter until you can feel your nose flatten a little. "this is nice," you continue, the sudden confession surprising even you. You did not mean to say that out loud.

"But yeah, we can be friends."

Once again, you feel Juyeon's smile against your hair as he begins to pull away. You let him go and immediately feel the autumn wind rush in between your bodies. So cold and so, so telling of the newfound distance between the two of you, just like your hands, just like this entire relationship.

You watch as Juyeon pulls away completely, sending you a small smile before he turns around to get into his car. You watch as he shuts the door, turns on the engine and fastens his seatbelt. You watch as he sends you one last smile and wave. You watch as he pulls out of the lot, watch as he turns out of the car park, watch as he turns into the main road, watch as he slowly drives further and further away until you cannot possibly see his car any longer.

You feel a sense of relief wash over you when you realise that the lie is over, that you can finally go on with your life as you planned. Not to mention that your mother no longer has any more excuses to pester you or come to your house when you and Juyeon will be 'broken up' in a few days time. You like that you have your freedom back, that you are no longer tied down to another person.

Turning around and making your way back into your flat, you feel a little bit more lightweight, a little bit more upbeat, a little bit more empty. As you wait for the lift, you smile to yourself and completely ignore the loss that sinks your stomach, which will without a doubt ruin your cheer. So, you smile to yourself in the reflection of the lift, downright lie to yourself and shove the unnecessarily troublesome feelings deep down because you are happy. You are happy that this whole saga is over. You are happy that you will never have to see Juyeon ever again in your life. Right?

[itzynabi]

so bright

summary: eve’s solo debut showcase livestream

set: june 8, 2022

warnings: mention of shinee’s jonghyun

word count: 1.4k

an: bold means that she's speaking english. eve performed glassy and young luv before starting the sit-down-and-talk part of the showcase.

eve’s masterlist // diary entries

“Hi, everyone. It’s Eve. From ITZY,” Eve greeted and chuckled. “I feel so awkward, oh my gosh. As I’m sure you guys are aware, I’m making my solo debut. And so I am having my debut showcase right now. Wow, this is awkward!”

Eve looked behind the cameras to the staff members in panic and carried on speaking, “You must be wondering what kind of set design this is, right? It’s a cafe! In the glassy music video — which will be released in an hour — there is a café in the music video, and I asked if the set for the debut showcase could be a café and the staff members really did an amazing job so I’m very thankful,” she paused. “I feel so nervous and awkward. I feel like I’m debuting in ITZY again,” she giggled.

“Anyways, there are some questions here—” she pointed to a mini bucket on the table with pieces of paper sticking out of it—“that midzy sent in for me to answer. Let’s get started on that.” She reached into the bucket and closed her eyes before picking a piece of paper.

“Okay. ‘What was the hardest part about preparing for this mini-album? I love you so much, fighting!’ Thank you, I love you too!” eve chucked. “The hardest part? I think it was just that my schedule was so full. I was preparing for my solo debut at the same time as ITZY’s comeback so that was very hard, but my members encouraged me and gave me a lot of energy.”

Eve smiled and picked the next question, “‘What made you decide to write and produce all the songs on the album? Were there songs written by other people that you were offered to have on the album?’ I’m gonna answer this one in English because it was asked in english. So, about two or three of the songs from this mini-album were already– had already been written and then I asked JYP PD-nim if I could participate in the songwriting and production for all the other songs. Also, in case you didn’t know, SHINee’s Jonghyun wrote and produced some of his and SHINee’s songs — also for other artists as well — and I was very inspired when I saw him working on the songs and I’ve wanted to try songwriting and production for a while now. As for the second question, there were songs that were offered to me, but… it’s not that I didn’t like them, it’s just that that wasn’t the sound I was going for, or it wasn’t not the message i was wanted to put out, if that makes sense. Yeah. That was a long answer.”

You could hear some of the staff members laugh. “Seriously, I feel like a college professor finishing a lecture. Wow. Next question! ‘What is your favourite song from the album?’ Hmm . I think it’s between us. Chronologically speaking, that’s the first song I wrote from this album. It’s a very nice song and I think MIDZY will also like it once they hear it when the album comes out.”

eve continued to answer more questions until the bucket was empty.

“Aaand– oh, the questions are done. I thought I still had more.” She pouted. “But that’s okay. Let’s move onto the next segment: diary entries! I will be telling you guys more about the songs on the mini-album. First, we have only. I wrote this song by myself and produced it with JYP PD-nim. The song is about asking someone to be the one and only love of your life and I think you will really like it, especially the ending part!”

Eve cleared her throat and smiled at the camera. “The next song we have is my sea. This song has a very special place in my heart. I love it so much. I also wrote this song by myself and I had the pleasure of producing it with pdogg-nim! Which is crazy! But, yeah. This song is about reconciling with your younger self and I really, really, really wanted this song on the mini-album because I felt like it was necessary for it to be here. The next song is the title track, glassy! I wrote and produced it with kenzie-nim who also worked on Be In Love. When this song was first brought to me, I knew I wanted it! We worked on it together and I think it came out really nicely. The song is about wanting to be with someone but being nervous, so you just say that you’ll be with them someday.”

eve paused and looked down in her lap, chuckling to herself. “I feel like a professor! I’m just talking so much. Ahh! Anyways, moving on.” She laughed. “Next, we have young luv. A very fun song, if you ask me. I wrote it with Jeon Goon-nim. He’s written songs for TWICE sunbaenim like LIKEY and BREAKTHROUGH. And then we produced it with B.E.P.-nim. They’ve worked songs such as SISTAR’s Touch My Body and MISS A’s Only You. It’s about not knowing how to properly tell someone that you like them. And the last song is between us. I wrote this song by myself, as I do, and I produced it with BXN-nim and KASS-nim who worked on BoA’s Cloud and ITZY’s Mafia in the Morning respectively. I wrote this about/for my ITZY members.” Eve tucked her hair behind her ear.

“And now for the last segment: glassy!” She announced then looked behind the camera. “But I’m being told that there is something else that is coming first.”

Just then, a staff member ran to Eve, handed her a phone, and ran back behind the cameras.

“What am I supposed to do?” She asked.

“You’re going to get a phone call from someone,” one of the staff members explained.

“Ah, okay.”

Five seconds later the phone started ringing, “Hello?” eve answered the phone.

“Two, three. Congratulations, congratulations. Our nabi has made her solo debut. Congratulations, congratulations. Ournabi has made her solo debut,” the mystery callers sang. “Hello, we are shining SHINee!”

“Everyone, the SHINee oppas called me to congratulate me,” Eve told the viewers.

“Yes, we’re all here!” Kibum shouted through the phone.

“Stop shouting, it’s hurting my ears,” Minho complained.

“And?”

“So stop!”

“No!”

“Eve we hope you have a good debut and promotion period,” Jinki said over Kibum and Minho’s arguing. “We’re cheering you on, right?”

“Yes!” Both boys answered.

“We’re waiting for the music video to come out now,” Kibum said. “I know it looks really pretty.”

“How do you know that?” Minho asked.

“I just do,” he answered.

“i think th–”

“When you’re done, let me know,” Eve said, exasperated.

“They’re done,” Jinki said.

“Well, I just want to say thank you for calling me and cheering me on. I love you.” Eve made half a heart figure over her head.

The boys answered saying they love her too before asking MIDZY’s and SHAWOL’s to love to Eve’s mini-album and saying goodbye and hanging up.

Eve put the phone down next to her on the table before looking back up at the camera. “the last segment is: glassy. ” Eve giggled. “This portion will really just be a mix of things, but first up on the agenda: my hair! I dyed it blonde! I know midzy have been wanting to see me blonde; they’ve even been making fan edits ever since ICY era of me with blonde hair. Yeri told me to dye my hair pink and so I did and I quite like it. I have it styled as a blowout today. Doesn’t it look pretty?” Eve asked and cupped her ear as if she could hear midzy’s respond.

“It does? Thank you, thank you. In the music video I wear many outfits, I think ten if I’m not mistaken. I helped pick out three of the outfits and I’m not going to tell you which ones, I’m going to leave that up to you to find out.” She smirked.

“Many of the scenes look very visually appealing. My favourite is the scene during the pre-chorus, I think it looks very dreamy.”

Eve waved her hands in front of her face and winked. “And the last part of this segment: what should i do for my first encore stage?” eve chuckled. “I’m thinking about wearing a funny hat or funny sunglasses, but MIDZY might have something better so please comment any ideas you have and I’ll pick my favourite one. Right. I think… it’s time to say goodby. Thank you so much for spending this hour with me, everyone. Remember that the mini-album and glassy music video come out at 1pm kst — in a few minutes. I hope you enjoy the mini-album and all the songs. I love you all so, so much! goodbye,” Eve smiled and waved to the camera before it cut to black.

her outfit

tagging: @lunarxsun

©️ kim nabi

[spiriteddreams]

Très Jolie

Pairing: Timeskip!Oikawa x Reader Warnings: none, just tooth rotting fluff Word Count: ~0.7k A/N: if you can’t tell, leanna firestone’s album is having a big impact on my emotional self right now

Oikawa Tooru can speak multiple languages with ease. They flow from the tip of his tongue smoothly, words and phrases said with a hint of teasing underneath. His time in Argentina gave him the chance to speak Spanish and now, the setter has no issue letting little phrases roll off his tongue whenever he comes back to visit his family and friends in Japan. But for all the languages he’s learned, the little phrases he’s picked up here and there, Oikawa finds that French might be the hardest language he’s tried to learn.

Shortly after graduating from Aoba Johsai, he learned that you were planning to study abroad in France for a year. He watched through text messages and social media posts as you seemed to glow brighter and brighter with each day, your smiling looking to be more and more genuine. And then you were back in Japan, settling down in your new apartment with a job working for the Japan national team. With the Olympics coming up, Oikawa took the chance to book the first flight back and pay you a visit. No matter that the other three boys were already crowding in your apartment, Oikawa was more than happy to spend day after day with you. His team was already catching onto the fact that he was seeing someone, and the longer he spent wrapped under soft bed sheets, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, the faster he realized how much he truly adored you.

He stares at you, his phone gripped tightly in his hands as he clears his throat. You already looked amused, as if you were fighting the growing smile on your lips. But you were patient, and waited for him to speak. He didn’t dare to look back down at his phone, not wanting to risk further embarrassment, and prayed that he properly remembered the phrase.

“Je pense que tu est très jolie.” His mouth felt dry, palms clammy, feet rooted in place as he watched that smile on your face grow.

“Thank you.” You hummed and patted his chest lightly. He prayed you couldn’t feel the way his heart was pounding in his chest. The words feel a bit off when he says them, but then you’re smiling, tilting your head slightly as if it was taking you a moment to understand what he was saying.

“I— Did I say it right?” He fumbles for his words and he swears he sees Iwaizumi roll his eyes behind you. His best friend had pulled the two other troublemakers who went by the names of Makki and Mattsun towards your kitchen to give the two of you some privacy. Oikawa’s usually not nervous when you’re around, he’s had years of practice flirting with you, toeing the line between friendship and something more before he was whisked off to Argentina.

“Je t’aime.” You answer instead and Oikawa stares at you blankly. He has no idea what you’ve said but he doesn’t want to give up on his stupid pride and look it up with his phone. And you can tell that he’s slipping, trying to hold onto his pride. You snicker and turn around, calling out to Iwaizumi to make sure the boys haven’t broken anything and Oikawa sputters out nonsense as he rushes towards you, grasping your hand and pulling you back towards him.

“Come on, baby, don’t leave me hanging!” He’s pleading with his eyes, bottom lip slightly jutted out to pout. It’s a look you’ve seen so many times before and it’s hard to keep your resolve when he looks like this.

You smile and Oikawa stares at you hopefully, “Te amo, mi amor.” His grip on your hand loosens as his mouth parts slightly. And then you’re slipping away from him, skipping to the kitchen. He faintly hears a loud shout from you, followed by a sputter of apologies from Makki, but he’s stuck on the words you just said.

There’s a blush evident on his cheeks as he makes his way to the kitchen where he finds you pinching Makki’s ear with a scowl. What a sight you are, and Oikawa has this lovesick expression on his face, a gentle look on his face that immediately catches the attention of Iwaizumi. He doesn’t say anything about the look on his best friend’s face, but he can guess what was said in the hallway. And Oikawa Tooru can’t stop the smile that breaks across his features.

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 (tumblr algorithm is based on reblogs, you have no idea how much it means to see a reblog and one with notes in the tags) A/N: i am tired of studying send hELP i shouldn't even be on tumblr

[haechanniesunflowers]

Ateez being jealous

I left some of these open ended cause I might want to write a second part to this

Seonghwa

Your boyfriend had invited you over to watch him practice for an upcoming award show. The choreography was intense and it was hard to pull it off. He got rap parts for the song so that was the cherry on top. All he wanted was to show you how hard he was working and for you to be proud of him.

You met the rest of the boys through Seonghwa and supported them wholeheartedly. Unbeknownst to you, Seonghwa invited you for selfish purposes but you had eyes on all the members and cheered them on. That didn't sit well with Seonghwa.

Yeosang had the hardest part in the choreography and you cheered for him every time he executed those moves. What worsened things was that Seonghwa couldn't do his part the way he wanted to and that made him angry. When the head choreographer announced a break you came running to him but he didn't spare you a look.

"Seonghwa you did great!"

"hmm"

"don't overburden yourself, you'll get it right, I know it"

"can you leave?"

"what?"

"I can't concentrate with you cheering for everyone else, please leave"

Hongjoong

You finished your semester and to celebrate, Hongjoong invited you over to have a little pizza party, just the two of you, since the other members had schedules. He was alone in the dorms when you came. It was a wholesome date, snuggles, pizza and netflix. Some time later he showed you the piece he was working on for a rap song him and Mingi were planning to release.

You praised him and gave him feedback. Hongjoong was the happiest. He was about to kiss you when Mingi walked through the front door and entered the living room. You were really close with him so he came in for a hug which you gladly returned. You then asked him to show you his rap verse and he did. You were a huge Mingi fan and everyone in Ateez knew that. So you unconsciously praised him more than you did Hongjoong, which didn't sit well with him. He held his breath and didn't cause a scene because 1) he knew you were supportive of the members and 2) Mingi was his and your friend and an outburst from Hongjoong would hurtyou both.

He controlled his feelings and became quiet which didn't go unnoticed by Mingi. Sensing that his friend was spacing out he excused himself, patted his shoulder and mouthed an 'I'm sorry' before leaving for his room.

Yunho

He had been wanting to see this movie with you but didn't get the chance to tell you because of his busy schedule. He knew you'd love it and all he wanted was for you to be happy. When he was done with album promotions and got a day off, he got the perfect chance to meet you for a movie date before going to his home town. So he came to your apartment. You were very excited to see him and wouldn't stop hugging him. You guys talked about random things and you told him what you were up to while he was busy.

"I really really missed you that day Yunho, I missed you so much I called my friends and cried to them about how much I miss you. So they came over and we went out. We went to KFC and had ice-cream from McDonald's later. Oh and then we went to see this new movie that came out. It was really good, you should watch it too. I'm very thankful to my friends for taking me out that day, the food and movie made me feel really better."

When Yunho heard you talking about the same movie he was about to ask you to see with him, he felt devastated. He didn't want to, but he got sensitive about it and felt bad.

"you could've called me, I would have taken you to see that movie."

"but I didn't want to disturb you, you were so busy doing your thing."

"didn't want to disturb me? or didn't want to see the movie with me? and rather see it with your friends."

"what's so wrong with seeing the movie with my friends? And you're the one who set this rule about not meeting up for dates while you were promoting."

"it was just a movie, I could've made time to take you to see it!"

You were silent for a moment.

"you're right Yunho, it's just a movie."

Yunho caught on with the hurt in your tone but was too clouded by his jealousy that he didn't stop there.

"maybe you should go out more often with Robin then." he said knowing Robin was nothing more than a close friend to you.

"Robin is my friend and you know that."

"sure. Didn't we start as friends too."

Your jaw dropped at his words.

"I'm out of here." he said in an annoyed tone and got up to leave. You followed him and tried stopping him.

"you're doing all this just because I watched that movie with my friends and not you?"

"I'm doing all this because your friends care about you more than I could, so why not get out of your way and make things easier for you." he said and slammed the door shut.

Yeosang

You visited their dorms to see Yeosang because he wasn't feeling well. He worked out too hard and his body was sore so you came to tend to him until he felt like he could move his body without discomfort. He was on his bed and you sat on the chair. He moved a little and you immediately got up to hold his hand.

"hey don't move, tell me what it is."

"it's okay I just needed water, I can reach for the glass."

"let me do it Yeosang, just stay still for now."

He had heart eyes and was thankful for you. You lifted his head and brought the glass to his lips. You gently rested his head back on the pillow and were about to get up when he grabbed your hand.

"I need something."

"what is it?"

"give me a kiss."

"oh God Yeosang! Do the guys know how cheesy you tend to get?"

"they don't need to know." he smiled.

You placed your hand on his chest and lowered yourself to kiss him but were interrupted by Wooyoung suddenly entering the room. You moved away from Yeosang but he still had a grip on your arm. Wooyoung stomped to his bed and sat with his head in his hands. Yeosang nudged you to bring your attention back to him but you were worried for Wooyoung. Yeosang let go of your arm when you turned to look at his friend.

"hey is everything okay?" you asked.

"no" Wooyoung answered. You got up before Yeosang could grab your arm again and sat next to Wooyoung, patting his back.

"what's up? you can tell me."

"she was cheating on me with my friend." he said with a shaky voice, wiping his tears.

Yeosang scoffed, earning a glare from you. He wanted to comfort his friend in a time like this but he acted on his jealousy instead. He wanted you to sit next to him and not Wooyoung.

"didn't I tell you she was faking it? didn't I tell you she loved Yedam and not you? but you were just too in love to listen to me."

"Yeosang!" you warned him.

Wooyoung lifted his head to look at Yeosang, showing his red tear stained face. Yeosang looked unfazed and stared back at him, now sitting up on his bed. You didn't help him up, too annoyed with the way he was reacting to his friend's horrid break up.

You made Wooyoung face you instead and squeezed his shoulder.

"good riddance. You don't need someone who would look at other men when she had you. Be thankful that you got out of this."

Wooyoung whimpered at your words. You wanted to hug him but you knew it wasn't right so you gestured for Yeosang to comfort him. He scoffed again and you mouthed for him to do it or else. Yeosang hissed a little while getting up, his body still sore.

"I'll leave you two to talk about this, while I get ice-cream for Wooyoung to cheer him up."

"thanks y/n, I appreciate it." Wooyoung said.

Yeosang looked at you in disbelief.

San

You and San made it official so it was time to formally introduce him to your best friends. They knew you were seeing a guy who was very loving and caring and had a very kind heart. They were very happy for you because he was the first man you dated in a long time after breaking up with your toxic ex boyfriend 6 years ago. They arranged a surprise party for him and it was just San, you and your three best friends, Stella, Mia and Eric.

You picked him up from his place and drove to the location your friends sent you. San was excited and nervous, something you knew he would feel because he wanted your friends to like him. When you got there he was a little flustered to see the surprise, a separate table for 5 people, drinks already on the table and pretty wall hangings. You squeezed his hand and walked to them. They met you two and congratulated you both. San flashed his bright smile, showing his dimples. Your friends teased you about how handsome he was, making him shy. He was a gentleman and it showed by how he treated you all.

You introduced them individually and they noticed how San didn't shake hands with Stella and Mia and instead put his hand on his chest and bowed politely. When you introduced Eric to him, they revealed that they used to be classmates from grade 6th to 8th before San's parents moved to another city because of his dad's job. They shook hands and San felt a little weird about how he slightly squeezed his hand, making him lock eyes with him. He saw the look in his eyes and it made him uncomfortable. San didn't want to think about it and disregarded it as something in his head.

While talking and having food, San noticed how Eric would talk to you about old times, as if showing off how close you two were. It made him very jealous but he didn't act on it and acted like it didn't bother him.

Eric decided to test the waters and brought up a particular topic.

"so San, how long did it take you to build that muscle? I remember you used to be skinny as hell!" he joked.

You knew San was insecure about his past self and that's why he worked so hard to earn his toned and buff body. You knew Eric was only joking so you didn't interfere.

"haha well I... I became very active in junior year in college and I got these muscles after practicing dancing every day for 4 years"

"damn you went to college skinny?"

Although Eric was joking, nobody liked the joke and before you say something, Mia spoke first.

"what's wrong with being skinny?"

Eric started snickering, "nothing, I just meant that San looked like a kid when he was skinny."

"you went to college with that attitude and that awful haircut, who're you telling what they looked like." you defended your boyfriend who could only laugh at this point. Eric laughed about it and then the subject was changed.

San could feel Eric glaring at him but he chose to ignore him and focused on you.

Mingi

Mingi was headover heals for you the moment he saw you but you didn't like him like that. He saw that but worked hard to get you to notice him. You did notice him and thought he was hot but you didn't see him as a suitable partner for you so you let him be. Mingi, however, was determined to get you to like him so he came to the cafe you worked at, whenever he was free. One time it was raining and you were not that busy since people weren't coming in because of the rain. It gave you time to sit back and relax and it wasn't your turn to clean the counters and tables so you sat at one of the tables and watched the rain peacefully. You heard the bell jingle, signalling someone had come in. You immediately got up to get to your station. You didn't expect to see Mingi there, setting his umbrella in a corner and coming to the counter with a smile on his face. He ordered two coffee cups and two fudge brownies. You perceived that he had to meet someone here. After paying for it, he sat at the table and waited for his order to come. When your coworker placed it on the tray, you took it and served it at his table. Mingi thanked you and smiled warmly. You got back to your station and watched as he sat quietly, not touching the food. After about 5 minutes Mingi called for a waiter and your coworker went to him. He asked her if people came in this weather to which she replied that the cafe was usually empty when it rained heavily so they weren't expecting customers and Mingi was probably the last customer of the day. He thanked her and she returned to her station. Mingi came to the counter after her.

"hey y/n? I uh asked your coworker and she said probably no one's going to come so I was wondering if you would uh maybe want to have coffee with me?"

You could tell he was nervous.

"your date didn't show up?" you teased, making Mingi's eyes widen.

"no no it's not like that. I was hoping you could be my date today haha I ordered the other coffee and brownie for you."

You thought it was cute of him and your coworker said she'll take the orders if anyone comes in so you accepted his request.

You talked with Mingi over warm food and got to know that he's actually a really sweet and intelligent guy, contrary to what you thought of him to be a dumb guy with accidental hot looks. Mingi enjoyed your company too. He was talking about the song he was working on when another coworker came out from the staff room and walked over to the table when he saw you there with Mingi. He tapped your shoulder to get your attention.

"slacking are we?" he asked.

"what's it to you? Go back to your rat hole and let me be."

"it's lonely in there." he fake pouted. You were annoyed. He sometimes tried flirting with you but you never showed interest. Mingi saw the exchange and was jealous of the dude.

"come on I'm waiting for you." the guy tried again.

"I think it's pretty clear she doesn't want to tag along so why don't you leave her alone buddy." Mingi sternly said. The guy had no choice but to leave.

You were thankful for Mingi's help, even though you would have easily told him off too, but something about Mingi doing it made you feel butterflies.

"I've seen his kind, they just don't know when to stop. Just smack him in the head next time he tries something." Mingi said making you giggle.

He felt accomplished to have made you laugh and deep down was dying to get your number.

Wooyoung

Wanting to pick up another style of dancing, Wooyoung enrolled himself in a dance academy. Aside from ATEEZ's activities, he really wanted to learn this style.

It was particularly hard for him to grasp so he spent any free time he got at the academy, practicing. 6 months in, he got close to a few people in the academy but he had no time to spare. He was determined to get it right this time around so he decided to stay until they told him to leave. After much hard work he got a hang of it so he took a little break to rest his body in order to dance again. He was passing by one of the classes he was drawn to the music and peeked through the glass door and saw a young woman in the dimly lit room, dancing the same dance he was learning. Her dance lines were flawless and she moved effortlessly. Wooyoung was blown away and couldn't resist going inside.

"wow you're amazing" he complimented, after the music stopped. He clapped for her.

She thanked him but hadn't faced him yet, she instead walked towards her laptop and played another track and danced to it. Wooyoung still hadn't seen her face but was absolutely hooked to the way she was dancing.

He watched attentively as she danced perfectly. He wanted to dance like that too. When she stopped and sat down to catch her breath, Wooyoung clapped for her again and went to hand her a bottle of juice. She finally turned to look at him. Wooyoung felt his chest tighten, finding it hard to breathe. He felt weak in the knees. She took the bottle from him and thanked him. Wooyoung sat beside her, pupils dilated. She'd be lying to herself if she said he had no effect on her. She felt giddy and warm by his gesture, not to mention he was hot too.

"can you teach me that dance some time?" he asked.

Seeing this as an opportunity to get to know him better she nodded.

Wooyoung smiled widely, "I'm Wooyoung by the way."

"oh I'm Senna." she smiled back. They sat in awkward silence, tension thick. Someone came inside and switched on the lights.

"damn it Senna I was gonna ask you to dance with me for the duo performance!" he whined. He looked like he was close to her and that made him unhappy and jealous.

"huh?" Senna was confused.

"wait you didn't pair up with him for the duo performance?"

Before Senna could tell him no, Wooyoung answered first.

"yeah she was showing me the dance just now."

Senna looked to Wooyoung but he kept up his act.

"come on we have to get this right." he said, holding her hand.

Jongho

Being the reserved person he is, he didn't find it easy to mingle with his colleagues in the kpop industry. He was too shy to walk up to people and introduce himself. He felt he was hopeless and would be the rich single uncle to his members' children in the future. He talked about this with Seonghwa and Hongjoong. They advised him to put his walls down and let someone in. He struggled with it still. One day they were practicing for their dance performance for Ateez's 7 year anniversary. Seonghwa was suffering in silence with Wooyoung and San messing around with him. He noticed a female bb trippin dancer occasionally glancing towards Jongho. Seeing the chance he escaped from the torment and went to talk to Jongho. He subtly brought Jongho closer to her and seized the opportunity.

"hey y/n we saw your performance video, I think it was really cool. Your technique is amazing. Don't you think Jongho."

"haha yeah I uh think it was really good. You're very talented."

"thank you." she said and bowed.

"I'll leave you two to it, maybe you could talk about common interests." Seonghwa said and took his leave. Jongho and y/n started talking and over time became comfortable. They met at every dance practice and grew closer. They exchanged numbers with Seonghwa's help and hit it off from there. They would meet within the company and have little 7/11 dates.

Y/N invited Jongho to watch her performance at bb trippin's dance studio. Jongho went with Seonghwa. Y/N was a passionate dancer and it showed. Her moves were clean and sharp. Jongho felt proud. There was one performance where y/n danced with a male dancer. Their chemistry was excellent and everyone cheered them in. Jongho felt jealous and looked away, clenching his jaw. Seonghwa noticed this and tried soothing him.

"it's only a performance Jongho." he smiled warmly.

Jongho broke out of his trance and listened to Seonghwa's words.

"you're right hyung, it's only a dance."

He understood that she was his and one performance won't mean otherwise.

[comfortwriting]

A Triwizard Baby Part 4 - F.W

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader

Part 4 of my ‘Triwizard Baby’ mini-series, please read Parts 1, 2, and 3 if you haven’t already. Want to be tagged? Let me know!

Warnings: Swearing, Mention vomiting, and food/eating.

"Girls" you sighed, watching them finally stop jumping on their beds and dropping their pillows "There's something I need to tell you."

You and Angelina shared a glance, she knew and so did you - you were finally ready, to tell the truth. Hiding this - hiding the truth about you and Fred had caused you enough pain, and the longer you decided to hide this, the worse the pain would get.

"What is it?" Katie asked, already concerned, no longer giggly or excitable.

Staring and picking at your fingernails, you finally looked each of your friends in the eyes, your heart thumping in your chest with each breath.

"I'm ready to tell you" you sighed again "who the father is."

They all stayed silent except Matt's little sister, "who is it?" she asked quietly.

"Fred," you blurted out, unable to hide his name for much longer "Fred Weasley is the father."

"I've told you" Fred hissed "don't bloody speak to me!" he stormed in front of George, stamping his feet, furious his backstabbing brother would dare to even speak to him.

Fred was exhausted from sleeping in the room of requirement alone and no one to talk to, he was pissed off with his brother, frustrated that you weren't his and that everyone around him avoided him as if he had a curse. For the first time in his life, he left as if he had run out of luck.

George grabbed him by the arm "Freddie, please-"

"No!" Fred shoved George's grip off him "You're jealous, you always have been."

George opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't get a word in.

"You always have been, every girl I've been with, you've chased after when I'm done with them. You can't stand the fact I fucked her, and you've rubbed it in my face that you've knocked her up!" Fred's voice cracked "And I told you, I loved her!"

"Fred, I-"

"Do me a favour, Georgie, don't speak a word to me at the baby shower, unless you want a crib smashed against your stupid head!"

"Keep those eyes closed!" Angelina grinned, her hands covering your eyes as she walked you through the rented restaurant covered in banners, balloons, a buffet table and presents.

"I am!" you smirked, feeling slightly nervous, smelling the mouth-watering fruit juices and pies.

"Okay," Angelina smiled, removing her hands "open in three, two, one!"

Opening your eyes you looked across the huge room, your friends were all huddled together with party poppers, yelling "Surprise!" and pulling the string, confetti shooting across the room, Fred sat alone across the room, trying his hardest to show support and be happy for you, but his heartbreak was breaking through his persona better than he thought.

You were bombarded with presents for you and the baby: the new crib, clothes, socks, bottles, nappies, monitors, teddy bears, and blankets - you unwrapped everything which brought the biggest smile to your face and tears of happiness to your eyes.

Everyone made bets on whether you would have a girl or a boy, what time and day they would be born on, and how long the labour would be. Even you had to admit, you were having a good time and for the first time in a while, the smile on your face was genuine, not forced.

After hours of present opening, games, bets, and food, you and the girls cleaned up the confetti, empty plates and scrunched up wrapping paper. Fred slowly approached you and tapped you on the shoulder, turning around to look at him, your heart pained.

Tell him, everyone knows but him, just tell him!

"Freddie-"

"Y/N, can I have a moment?" he murmured.

The girls looked at the two of you standing in the middle of the room, they exchanged looks and nodded, leaving to give you both some privacy.

"I wanted to give this to you in private," Fred said softly, handing you a large faux dragon scale photo album "I ran out of time to wrap it, was up all night finishing it."

You stared down at the photo album and opened it, your heartbreaking with each turn of the page. Pictures of you and Fred throughout the years, followed by his little notes of when and where the picture was taken until you flicked to the empty pages, you stared up at him.

Tell him, now is a perfect time-

"Fred, please-"

"The blank pages are to fill with pictures of us and the baby," he said softly "that's if the father won't mind."

George entered the room again, not knowing his brother was still there.

"Y/N, I was thinking-" he stopped in his tracks, looking at his brother's face dropping.

"Congratulations, again." Fred walked away, pushing past his brother and out the door.

"They are Braxton Hicks, my dear." Madame Pomfrey waved her hand, helping you to your feet in the hospital wing.

Your hand rested on your bump "I'm sorry, what?"

After your little moment with Fred, your womb contracted and relaxed, disturbing your baby, causing it to lash out and kick against your tummy in discomfort from the contractions. You were frightened and sure you were going into labour and George rushed you to the hospital wing.

"Is she going to be okay?" George asked nervously.

"False labour pains" she replied "and if you go to the tournament tonight you'll be experiencing more of them!" she stressed.

"I can assure you I won't be doing backflips," you grumbled, "surely it will be safer for me if I sit down."

Madame Pomfrey held her nose up in the air, feeling slightly defeated "I can't stop you from going, but as long as you're sitting down and surrounded by a responsible group of friends, I don't see why you can't go."

"I'll take good care of her, I swear."

"Your brother couldn't!" Madame Pomfrey hissed "she's in this mess because of him, and I better not see you two back in here until that baby is ready!"

The loud band played along as everyone got seated high up in the stands, the girls on your left, and George on your right, you held onto his hand, still on edge from the sudden Braxton Hicks. You rested your head against his shoulder, Fred stared at the back of your head, his hands bunched into fists, regretting his decision to sit towards the back.

Everyone was on the edge of their seats, Fleur had failed, Krum evidently had too - now - it was between Cedric and Harry, the champion being a Hogwarts student was certain, but still, undecided whether that champion would belong to Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, like many others in the stands, your fingers and toes were crossed for Harry taking the win.

Out of nowhere, Cedric came stumbling out of the maze, covered in dirt, sweat, and blood, his shirt sticking to him and his hair ruffled, scratches across his delicate face. He crouched down, clearly out of breath, but so startled and shaken up that he was shaking and green in the face.

The crowd jumped to their feet, cheering for Harry and Gryffindor, holding their red banners and waving their flags in the air whilst Syltherin scowled and hid their faces in their hands.

"We need to go and see if he's alright!" Angelina panicked hearing Cho shriek, the girls got on their feet and hurried down the stairs, running out to Cedric who was now on his hands and knees on the grass, throwing up.

"Well, are you coming!?" Angelina asked George, holding out her hand.

George looked at you, he didn't want to leave you on your own and you knew it.

"Go," you reassured him "I'll be okay."

You watched Cedric gain the courage to speak, you tried to lip read but he was too far away for you to even make out a single word, but whatever he had said panicked the cheering girls and proud lads because now they were muttering, whispering and all appeared to be frightened and anxious, no longer in the mood to celebrate Harry's win.

Katie who didn't leave you behind shot a scowl at Fred who continued to stare at you, she moved closer to you whilst Angelina and George hurried back, horror across their faces.

"What's happened?" you panicked.

"It's Harry" George frowned "The cup, it was a portkey and he's gone, Cedric said-"

Angelina nudged George with her elbow, glaring at him and shaking her head "not now, George."

"No, what is it?" you demanded.

Just as George announced the news that the dark lord had returned, you felt major discomfort and a dull ache in your back and lower abdomen, along with the pressure that increased in your pelvic, you gripped onto your bump and winced.

"George!" you panicked "It's happening!"

The father of your baby watched as you went into labour, Katie and Angelina helped you to your feet as George hurried over to Madame Pomfrey, everyone around you started to panic and gave you all the room you needed to evacuate safely back into the hospital wing - the one place you didn't want to end up twice in one day.

Leaving you behind, George stared up at Fred who was sat as still as a statute, if you weren't going to tell him, George had to, he wouldn't allow his brother to miss the birth of his child.

George stumbled over to his brother and shook him angrily "I don't want to bloody argue but listen to me!"

"George, I told you-"

"You're the dad, alright!" George yelled, "She's having your baby, you need to get to the hospital wing now!"

"What are you on about?" Fred argued, not believing the word "are you seriously-"

"Think back to the party when you played truth or dare! Think for Merlin's sake!"

Fred shut his mouth and suddenly, his world began to spin so fast his heart could've stopped.

“I want you.” you breathed, pulling away from the kiss “I want you to fuck me like you do everyone else.”

“I want you too” Fred replied, taking your hand and fleeing from the party.

“Are you ready, Y/N?” Fred asked, pulling away from your breasts.

“Yes,” you breathed out, slurring slightly “I’m ready Freddie.”

The memories suddenly flashed before his eyes, the sight of your naked body beneath his, the two of you climaxing, Fred pulling out and falling into your arms, only to wake up the next morning in an empty bed that smelled of your hair and perfume. It reminded Fred that he had forgotten to put a condom on, George wasn't lying, he is the father of your child.

Fred's eye widened and he bolted from his brother, shoving everyone aside and sprinting for his life to the hospital wing, no one and nothing could stop him now.

The doors of the hospital wing swung open, laying in your bed, tears rolled down your face as the contractions worsened, Madame Pomfrey urging you to keep pushing. Fred pulls out a chair and sits beside you, holding your hand, comforting you, kissing your forehead and encouraging you.

You opened your mouth to speak: you wanted to say sorry, to tell him you loved him, you wanted to explain everything all at once, but you were unable to - the pain increasing, causing you to scream out, tears rolling down your face.

"Almost there Y/N, you're crowning!" Madame Pomfrey announced.

Fred planted another kiss on your sweaty forehead "keep pushing sweetheart," he said softly "you're doing so bloody well!"

Within a few moments, the sound of your babies cries rang out through the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey placed the baby in your arms, encouraging you to sit back and relax - but you couldn't you still had the urge to push.

"I need to push again, "you cried, gritting your teeth "I'm not done!"

Madame Pomfrey's mouth dropped, causing her to take the baby from your arms and handing the newborn to Fred.

"What's going on?" Fred panicked, gripping onto his child, already feeling the protectiveness kick in.

"There's another baby..."

"She's having twins?!"

Fred held the elder newborn in his arms whilst the younger and smaller newborn rested in yours, both of them just like their father; a full head of ginger hair.

"They're yours." you croaked, your. throat sore from all the screaming and crying.

Fred smiled, tears forming in his eyes as he rocked the baby in his arms "I know, they look just like me... their hairs..."

"I'm so sorry, Freddie, I didn't tell you because... because I didn't know what to do, you're my best friend and I've had feelings for you since the beginning and I felt as if you didn't feel the same, I thought that me forcing a child upon you would... would ruin what we had."

"Of course I feel the same," Fred replied "I just didn't know if you did."

The two of you went silent for a moment, the twins sleeping -  they were exhausted from being brought into the world earlier than expected.

"Do you still feel the same?" you asked Fred, staring into his pride-filled brown eyes.

He nodded "Yeah, do you?"

Everything you had ever wanted finally arrived, the children you were carrying - so eager and excited to meet, and the man of your dreams, finally on the same page as you - who had been in love with you for all this time.

You looked down at the baby in your arms and then back up at Fred, "I do too."

"Shall we have a fresh start?" Fred smiled "As parents and that."

You broke out into a light laugh and smiled "I'd like that, Freddie. I'd like that a lot."

There was another silence, it felt as if the world was sleeping.

"So, when can we make another one?" Fred winked.

"When we graduate from Hogwarts!-"

"Next year?" he raised an eyebrow.

"You didn't let me finish! We need to graduate, get stable jobs and have a house with enough room!"

"So next year then?" Fred smirked, still cradling the baby.

Your furrowed your brows, unsure whether or not he was bluffing.

"Okay then, since you're all confident, let's make a bet." You smirked back.

"If I win, we make another baby, if you win... we get married," Fred said softly as the baby opened his eyes and let out a cry.

"Alright," you agreed, taking your baby from Fred, trying to breastfeed "but what is your obsession with making another one?" you asked, "we've just had twins!"

Mr and Mrs Weasley were slowly approaching the hospital wing, George following not far behind.

"Yeah, which I've only just found out are mine!"

The hospital wing doors opened, Molly and Arthur standing in the doorway, staring at you, their son, and their grandchildren.

taglist: Taglist: @amourtentiaa @horrorxweasley @alwaysnforeverfangirl@reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @sebby-staan @onlyfreds@pandaxnienke @xmalfoyweasleyx @manuosorioh@cosmiccomicloverqueen @the-romanian-is-bae @fhhsposts@cavalinhox @purple-vodka-99 @simpforweasleys2@dracoismybabey @statellitespidey @xuminghaosworld @michael-loves-chickens @simpforweasleys2 @freddie-weaselbee @itsnottlilly

[evermoreholland]

in harmony | tom holland

-> singer!reader x tom holland

-> summary: after a nasty break up, you go to london with your two best friends in hope to find inspiration for your upcoming album and a london boy soon became your muse.

-> word count: 5.7k

-> a/n: wow. this is probably my favorite fic of mine. i hope you all enjoy it as much as i do. big thank you to @rainbowrobin for hyping this fic up and being its biggest fan. also thank you to @cali-holland for beta reading this for me! your support means the world to me and you inspire me every day to keep writing. love you to bits <3

~~~

Breaking up with someone you used to care about was never easy. In fact, grieving and eventually getting over that person was the hardest thing to do. You were a singer so relationships that went public usually ended up terribly wrong. The good part about it is that you can write a hit song about the experience.

Breaking up with your past boyfriend was probably the worst experience for you thus far. You thought that he was the one, every move you made was for him and you ended up depending on him constantly. And he broke your heart. He played you like a fiddle and played with the strings of your heart. He cheated on you with someone you were insecure about the duration of your relationship with him, which made everything feel worse.

You decided that you needed a change of scenery in hopes to clear your head. You had been spending time in your Los Angeles apartment moping around, trying to get over your ex-boyfriend. You also had a deadline for your new album and you haven’t even started. Your album was due towards the end of the summer, and it was now spring.

You sat down on your sofa with a pen and notebook in your hand. You were determined to write something. You didn’t want to write songs about your breakup, but that was all you were thinking about. You saw your phone on the coffee table light up and buzz. It was your manager and agent, Cassandra. You picked up the phone nervously, knowing that she was going to ask about your progress or lack thereof.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Hello, Y/N,” Cassandra greeted sweetly. “How’s the album coming along? We need to start recording soon.”

“Funny you ask.” You always tried to make fun out of an uncomfortable situation.

“Y/N.”

“I’m sorry, Cass! I have no idea what I should be writing about for this album.” It’s not like you didn’t want to write. You did, but you had no idea what to write about.

“Maybe you need a change of scenery, dear. You haven’t been out in months,” Cassandra suggested.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“Where would you want to go? You can stay there for the rest of the spring and the beginning of the summer.”

You thought about it for a moment. You definitely wanted to leave the country.  “How does London sound, Cass?”

“Sounds nice. I’ll book you, Natalie, and Sarah tickets for this weekend and I’ll rent the three of you an Airbnb for your stay,” Cassandra confirmed. Natalie was your personal assistant and your best friend. Sarah was your older sister who traveled with you everywhere and she helped you with many of your songs. She was good to bounce ideas off of. You had the perfect team.

“Perfect. Thank you.” You both said your goodbyes and hung up.

***

Tom got off the airplane and sighed in relief. He was finally home. After many months of filming on another continent, he was back in London. Tom was ready to finally sleep in his own bed and hang out with his brothers and friends once again.

Harry and Tom took an Uber back to Tom’s apartment. It was fairly late and all Tom wanted to do was sleep. In the Uber, Tom and Harry made light conversation.

“You want to go to the new pub by our flat this weekend? Haz and Tuwaine want to hang out,” Harry asked.

“Sure,” Tom mumbled. To be quite honest, Tom had absolutely no desire to go out at all this weekend, but he knew that his mates wanted to see him. He did want to see them too, so he agreed.

“Sounds good.”

***

You packed your suitcases for London at the last minute. In your defense, Cassandra only booked Thursday night’s tickets on Wednesday, so you didn’t have that much time in the first place. You were planning on using your time in London to relax and to create a healthy headspace to write your next album.

You called Natalie to ask her opinion on some of your outfit choices. “Nat, am I going for a  casual look this trip? Like sweatpants and t-shirts?”

“Absolutely not, Y/N. Are you insane?!”

“It was just a question, Natalie.” You defended yourself. “What should I pack then?”

“I don’t know, just look hot. You need to get out of the post-breakup sweatpants phase.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. You grabbed some cute spring sundresses from your closet and threw them into your suitcase. You packed some jeans and blouses as well.

You hung up with Natalie and took a look at your bag. “Should be good.”

***

The flight to London from Los Angeles was long and exhausting. You arrived at Heathrow airport in the early afternoon on Friday. You immediately went to the house to rest up from jetlag. Once you woke up a few hours later, Sarah was pressuring you and Natalie to get dressed. “We’re going to the pub! Get up, ladies!”

“What? Why?” Natalie groaned. You and Natalie were laying on your beds in your shared room. Sarah jumped onto your bed and tackled you.

“Sarah, we’re exhausted,” you said. You pushed your sister off of you and sat up. “We can just go tomorrow.”

“It’s the pub’s grand opening! It’s supposed to be fire!”

“Fine,” you mumbled. You got up and began unpacking your suitcase. “But I refuse to wear heels.”

***

Harrison made his way to his best mate’s flat to pick him up for the Cheer Beers grand opening on Friday night. Harrison used his spare key to get into Tom’s place. “Tom,” Harrison called out. He made his way to Tom’s bedroom to make sure he was ready for the night.

“In my room!” Tom exclaimed. Tom sounded upset and agitated. Harrison entered his room anyway because he wanted to hang out with his best friend. He opened the door and noticed Tom laying his bed under the covers.

“Are you alright, mate?” Harrison asked. Harrison noticed Tom in his pajamas while in bed. “Why aren’t you ready to go? Harry already went out with Tuwaine to wait in line.”

“I want to hang out with you all, but I’m just so jetlagged, mate.”

Harrison took his phone out of his back pocket to check the time and noticed an Instagram notification from you. He opened it out of curiosity and it was a direct message. It said that you would be at Cheer Beers tonight with your friends and asked if he was going. Harrison and you had met at an award show a few months back and you became friends. “You know what I just found out, Tom?”

“What?”

“Y/N L/N is going to the grand opening tonight.”

“You’re lying just to get me out of bed!” Tom accused him. Tom didn’t want to admit it, but he fancied you. He has been following you on social media and listening to your music for a while now, so Harrison saying you were going to be at the pub caught his attention.

“I’m not.” Harrison showed Tom his phone with your direct message. “I had no idea she was in town, though.”

“No clue, either.”

“Now will you come?” Harrison asked. “I know you have a huge crush on her.”

Tom eyed him skeptically but then let out a sigh. “Fine, I’ll go.”

***

You waited in line outside of Cheer Beers with Sarah and Natalie. You were wearing a black sleeveless cocktail dress with black slip-on vans. You saw a few familiar faces approach you and you realized that it’s your friend Harrison and his mates. You recognized one of his friends to be Tom Holland.

“Hey, Haz!” You greeted. He pulled you into a hug and squeezed you tightly. You pulled away and said, “Following me, I see?”

“Very funny,” he replied. “We were coming to opening night anyway. We were planning this in honor of Tom’s return from filming.”

“Oh, that’s right,” you said and then turned to Tom. You put your hand out for him to shake. “I’m Y/N.”

He shook your hand and you felt his sweaty palm touch yours. You could assume that he was either unwell or nervous. “Tom. Nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise.”

You introduced Natalie and Sarah to Harrison and he introduced the rest of his friends to the three of you.

“Would you like to share a table with us?” Harry, Tom’s younger brother, asked you.

“I’m sure that Y/N L/N would have much better opportunities than to sit with us, Harry,” Tom interjected.

“Actually, Tom, we would love to.” You all entered the pub and grabbed a table in the back room. Harrison sat between Sarah and Tuwaine. Harry sat by Natalie. You sat between Natalie and Tom, per Natalie’s whisper in your ear to go for it. You all got your first round of drinks.

“So what brings you to London?” Tom asked.

“Needed to clear my head,” you said and then ate the olives from your martini.

“So you flew halfway across the world?” Tom was amused and you could tell. He wasn’t trying to laugh at you particularly, he just thought it was funny that you chose London of all places.

“Shut up,” you teased. “We’re here for the summer. A vacation, or holiday, if you will.”

“Nice, nice.” You could feel the slight awkward tension between the two of you. You were basically strangers so it made sense. You decided to try and break it. “How was filming for the third Spider-Man film?”

Tom’s eyes lit up at your sudden interest in his work. “Can I tell you a funny story?”

***

Three hours passed by and you decided to call it a night. You talked with Tom the entire night. You enjoyed his company but you were also jetlagged. “Tom, I’m tired,” you said as you leaned on his shoulder.

“Me too.”

“Want to walk me home?” You asked.

“Would love to.” You both got up from the booth and Tom paid for your drinks, even though you protested. Harrison, Tuwaine, Harry, Sarah, and Natalie didn’t look like they were ready to leave any time soon so you said your goodbyes to them and left with Tom.

“How far are you away from here?” Tom asked you.

“About a ten minute walk.” You began walking in the cool London air.

“So, Harrison told me that you were writing for your new album. How’s that going?”

“Not well,” you said as you crossed your arms over your chest. “It’s been fucking difficult.”

“I’m sorry, love.” The pet named warmed your heart and body even more. Tom wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. “I wish I can help you out somehow.”

“It’s alright. Getting out tonight helped me get into a good headspace,” you said.

“Glad to hear it.” You arrived at your Airbnb and Tom walked you to the front door. “I had a great time tonight, Y/N.”

You smiled, the first genuine smile that you’ve had in a while. “Me too, Tom.” You opened your door to enter.

“Wait.” Tom stopped you. “Let me get your number.”

“Sure.”

***

Two weeks had passed since you arrived in London and you and Tom have been texting back and forth. He had even taken you on a tour of London. He took you to all of the hot spots. Occasionally, Tom, Harrison, and Harry would come over to your Airbnb to hang out with you, Sarah, and Natalie. You were developing friendships with everyone, but you felt a bit stronger about Tom. He was charming, kind, and really funny. You enjoyed his company and you finally got the chance to start writing for your upcoming album. You realized that you didn’t want to write about your breakup with your ex, but instead write about your crush on the brown-haired London boy.

“How is the album coming along?” Cassandra asked you on the phone.

“Pretty good. I have a killer single coming your way and many other songs too.”

“Remember, we need to start recording at the end of July.”

“You got it.”

“You sound happy,” she commented. She was right. You were happy and finally completely over your ex. “It’s a good look on you.”

“Thanks.”

“What are you writing about?”

“Oh, you know… London, pubs, boys,” you trailed off.

***

Harrison was busy planning his upcoming date with your sister, Sarah. They hit it off extremely well at the opening of Cheer Beers. They got each other’s numbers and planned to go on a date. To be honest, Harrison was stressed out. He scored a date with Sarah L/N, which ultimately shocked him. So, he decided to go to his best mate for some advice.

Tom was sitting in his living room and Harrison entered with two dress shirts in hand. One of them was a white button-down and the other one navy. “Which shirt should I wear on my date with Sarah?”

“Black slacks, right?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, and a black leather jacket.”

“Go with white,” Tom suggested.

“Thanks, mate. Another question,” Harrison proposed. It felt natural for Harrison to ask Tom about his lady troubles, even though Tom had been single for a while.

Tom nodded his head to urge Harrison to continue.

“What if I fuck this up?” He asked nervously. “I really like Sarah.”

Tom got up from the couch to come closer to Harrison and put his hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine, mate. Just be yourself. She’ll fancy you, I promise.”

“How are you so good at giving me advice but you can’t get a girlfriend?”

Tom mocked being bothered. “Rude,” he scoffed.

“What are you waiting for?”

“If I say the perfect girl, will you slap me?” Tom joked.

“Yes, yes I will,” Harrison laughed as he replied. “I think that you already found the perfect girl at Cheer Beers.”

“We’re still getting to know each other. Why must we move so fast?” Tom wondered. He wanted to take things slow. His life had always moved fast and he wanted something to move at his pace, for once. Too many relationships have moved too fast and he ended up hurt.

“Because she’s only here for so long and I have a feeling that she likes you,” Harrison reasoned. Tom was starting to feel the same way about you too.

“Fine. While you go on your date with Sarah tonight, I’ll see if Y/N wants to hang out.” He picked up his phone from the coffee table and texted you asking if you wanted to come over. You replied saying yes and he smiled. “We’re hanging out.”

“Great. Don’t forget to use protection,” Harrison said as he ran away to go get dressed for his date.

“Fuck off, you div!”

***

Tom went to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and beers before you came over to his flat. He tidied up the living room once he got home and made sure to fluff the pillow to make them look nicer. Even though you and Tom were only friends, he couldn’t help but make sure that everything looked perfect for you.

You arrived 30 minutes later. You wore sweatpants and a sweatshirt, along with your slides. Your hair was out of your face and Tom thought that you looked stunning. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Tom blushed. “Nice sweatshirt.” Your sweatshirt was light blue and it had butterflies on it. Tom realized that he loved that color on you.

He led you to the couch and he sat beside you. “So what did you do today?” You asked.

“I worked on a script that I’m writing and then I helped Harrison get ready for his date with your sister. What about you, love?” The pet name made your heart flutter. Tom was definitely charming.

“I worked on some songs for the album,” you answered proudly.

“Care to share?”

“Willing to share what the script’s about?” You asked back, already knowing the answer.

“I’m legally not allowed to share, so no. I’m sorry, darling.”

“Then my answer is the same.”

“Well played, pretty girl,” he flirted. “Wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“Avengers: Age of Ultron?”

“Yes, it’s one of my favorite Marvel movies!” You exclaimed. “I have a feeling that you knew that already.”

Tom smiled at you as he picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television. “I may have, but only because Haz told me. Don’t worry, though. It’s one of my favorites too.”

Tom found the movie and before he hit play he got up from the couch. “May I offer you some popcorn before we start the movie? I have beer as well.”

“Yes to both, please.” Tom went to the kitchen to pop the popcorn and grab some beers. He came back around five minutes later with everything.

“Here you go,” he said as he handed you a bottle of beer. “I know it’s not a martini.”

“It’ll have to do,” you teased. You pat the seat beside you to urge Tom over. “Now, come sit.”

Tom pressed play and the Marvel introduction appeared on the screen. You moved closer to Tom and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, just like he did that night at the pub. “Is this ok?” He asked.

“It’s perfect.”

Around an hour into the movie, the popcorn was finished along with your first bottle of beer. Tom’s hand was still resting on your shoulder but now your head was resting on his. “Y/N?” Tom called out.

“Yeah?” You asked as you moved your head away from him so you could look at him.

“Can I be honest with you about something?” You nodded so he would continue. “I really want to kiss you.”

“Can I be honest with you?” You asked while smiling.

“Yeah.”

“I really want you to kiss me,” you said as you leaned in. He pressed his lips against yours in a soft first kiss. You kissed back almost immediately. After a couple of seconds, you pulled away from him.

“Wow,” he said.

“Ditto,” you said and then pulled him back towards you. You kissed him again and you knew that from now on, you couldn’t get enough of him.

***

Tom and you didn’t finish the movie the other night. After your many makeout sessions with him, you decided to go home, and you promised him that the two of you would get together again soon. You went home with the biggest smile on your face. Since your kiss, you and Tom have not talked about the status of your relationship. As of right now, you were just friends who have kissed before. No biggie.

It was now the 28th of May and you were sitting on a park bench having coffee with Harrison. It would be Tom’s 25th birthday in four days and the two of you were attempting to plan the perfect party for him.

“You’ll get the decorations, Sam will cook a few dishes, and I’ll provide booze,” Harrison said, listing things off. “We’ll host it at my new flat and I already called everyone.”

“Sounds great, Haz. I just hope he has a great time.”

“I’m sure he will,” he said as he winked at you, indicating something.

“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked, referring to his wink.

“I know that something happened between the two of you last week. Tom hasn’t stopped smiling since the two of you started hanging out. I’m sure he’ll be happy to know that you planned a party for him.”

“We all are planning it,” you corrected him.

“Yeah, but it’s not like he fancies me,” Harrison laughed.

You rolled your eyes at the blonde-haired boy in front of you. “Whatever.” You got up from the park bench and began walking towards his car. “Come on, Harrison. We need to go to the market.”

***

It was the 1st of June; Tom’s birthday. You woke up early to make sure that everything was ready to go for the party tonight. Harrison and Tom’s brothers planned a golf trip with Tom while you set up Harrison’s flat. You brought Sarah and Natalie along with you to help.

“Move that banner a little more to the right,” you told Sarah. She moved it as you requested. The banner said, Happy 25th birthday, Tom! in light blue glitter. “Looks great. Thanks, sis.”

You blew up balloons, set up tables for the food and drinks, got streamers and ribbons, and finally assembled the cupcake tower with the cupcakes you and Natalie baked the night before.

“Red velvet. Nice choice,” Sarah said as she took a look at the cupcakes on display.

“They’re Tom’s favorite,” you pointed out.

“Seems like you know a lot about him.”

“Well, he is my friend.”

Natalie laughed at your response to your sister’s comment. “Is that all he is?” She asked.

“For now.” You pulled out your phone from your pocket to check the time. It was the early afternoon and the party would start in a few hours. “We better get going to get ready. Sam will bring the food and set it up within the hour.”

Before you got into the car, you texted Tom to wish him a happy birthday and he responded with a heart emoji. You smiled to yourself and then got into the car to drive to your Airbnb.

The three of you washed up and got dressed for Tom’s party. You decided on wearing a light blue sundress with daisies on it. You matched it with white wedges and you did your hair to your liking. Once you were all ready you drove to Harrison’s. When you got there, Harrison, Sam, Tuwaine, and a few other friends of Tom’s were already there.

“Harry is bringing Tom in around 15 minutes,” Harrison told you.

“Ok. Everything seems to be going pretty smoothly.”

“We make a pretty great team,” Harrison said in appreciation for all of the work to make Tom’s party happen.

“Tell that to Sarah over there,” you teased him. His date with your sister went well from what she told you, but because of Harrison’s nervousness, they haven’t talked much since. “She’s been dying to hang out with you.”

“Are you just saying that so you can have Tom all to yourself when he gets here?” He tried to joke.

“No,” you said seriously. “Go talk to her, Haz.” You pushed him lightly in her direction to encourage him to go talk to her.

“I see Harry’s car pulling up!” Sam said a few minutes later. “Everyone get ready.”

Harry used Harrison’s spare key to get into his flat and once both of them entered you all yelled, “Surprise!”

“Thanks, guys!” Tom said in shock. Tom made his rounds to greet everyone to say thank you. You waited patiently in the kitchen for the birthday boy. He finally approached you after a few minutes. “Hey, love.”

“Happy birthday,” you said as you pulled him in for a hug. “You look very handsome.”

He pulled away to look at you. “Thank you, but you’re absolutely stunning.”

You leaned in to kiss his cheek and then said, “Thanks, Tom.”

“I should be thanking you,” he said and then grabbed your hands to intertwine your fingers together.

“For what?”

“Harrison told me that you helped him plan all of this, so thank you.”

“It’s my pleasure,” you said genuinely. “You like it?”

“I love it. He looked over to the counter and saw the cupcakes. “Is that a cupcake tower?”

“A red velvet cupcake tower,” you confirmed. “I baked them.”

“You’re a goddess.” He kissed your lips for half a second and then grabbed a cupcake from one of the tiers. He unwrapped the cupcake and then took a bite. He hummed in delight.

“I’m taking that you like them,” you giggled at the man in front of you. He could seriously make anything look cute.

“They’re heaven,” he moaned. Tom dipped his finger in the frosting and swiped your nose with it. You looked at him in shock. “Aw, you look so adorable,” he said.

You laughed at his antics. “Glad you think so, babe.”

Tom’s lit up at the pet name. “Babe? Hmmm.”

“Yeah, babe.” You took some frosting from what was remaining of his cupcake and placed some on his nose to match you. “You look very cute with frosting on your nose, babe.”

Tom grabbed a napkin from the counter and cleaned the frosting off the both of you. “We’re both very cute.”

“Ok, lovebirds,” Sam called out for the two of you. “Let’s get this party started!”

“Before we go out there, I have something to ask you,” Tom said.

“And what may that be?”

“Will you go out on a date with me?” He asked nervously. You felt your heart skip a beat and you could’ve sworn that you felt Tom’s heart beating rapidly from how close you were standing to him.

“I would love to, Tom,” you said and then kissed him to confirm that you really wanted to.

***

The rest of the night went well and Tom enjoyed his time with his friends. You, Sarah, and Natalie crashed at Harrison’s place along with Tom and Harry. The party ended late and the five of you were too tired to drive home, so Harrison offered to let you all stay there.

You woke up early and made your way downstairs to heat the kettle for tea. As you were waiting, you heard footsteps, and soon enough a pair of arms wrapped around you. “Good morning, beautiful,” Tom said and then kissed your clothed shoulder.

“Morning.” You turned around so you could face him. “How did you sleep?”

“Not so well,” Tom said as he stretched out his arms. “Harrison’s a kicker.”

“Poor baby,” you teased, and then Tom pouted. “Quit pouting, Tommy. I know you’re faking it.”

“Fine,” Tom mumbled.

You turned to the stove and saw that the kettle was ready. “Want tea?”

“Please. A splash of milk and a spoonful of sugar, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” you said as you poured him a cup. “So where are we going on our first date?”

“That’s a surprise, darling.”

***

A week after Tom’s birthday, Tom texted you asking if you were available to go on your first date. You had been working on the album the entire morning so you thought it’d be nice to go out with Tom. You replied yes and he told you to be ready within the hour. Tom knocked on your door around an hour later, with a bouquet in his hand. “These are for you, love,” he said with a smile as he handed them to you.

“Thank you, Tom,” you said and then sniffed the flowers. “Come in while I put these in some water.” Tom entered your Airbnb and you searched for a vase in one of the cabinets. Once you found one, you filled it up with water and put the flowers in. “We should be good to go now.”

Tom held your hand as he led you to the car. He opened the door for you and then got in and started the car. “You ready?”

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“You’ll see in around 15 minutes, angel.” Tom grabbed your hand that was resting in your lap and brought it up to his lips to kiss it. “I don’t think I told you this, but you look ethereal.”

“You’re quite the charmer, Holland.”

“I aim to please,” he joked. “But in all seriousness, you always look gorgeous.”

Tom was by far the kindest man you have ever met in your entire life. You have known him for barely two months but he made you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. You had never felt this way about anyone before.

Tom drove down to a lake. “It’s one of my secret spots,” he told you.

He led you down to the grass near the water and he set up a picnic there for the two of you. “I made sandwiches, cut up some fruit, and some apple cider.”

“It looks good. Thank you, Tom.” He pulled everything out from the picnic basket and handed you one of the sandwiches.

“Anything for you.”

“So this is one of your secret spots, huh?” You asked.

“Mhm,” he mumbled as he took a bite from his sandwich.

“So you bring a lot of girls here?” You teased and you could’ve sworn that you saw Tom almost choke on his sandwich. “Is that why it's so special?”

“Very funny, love,” Tom said. “No, I actually come here alone.”

“I’m guessing because it’s quiet.”

“Yeah, I come here when I need to clear my head.”

You looked around the area and you immediately understood why Tom liked it so much. There was a beautiful, cool breeze and the birds chirping sounded like music to your ears. “It’s beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.”

“I can drive you here to write songs if you’d like,” Tom offered.

“That would be lovely.”

You and Tom spent a couple of hours at the lake. You talked about anything and everything, and you finally felt yourself get closer to him. You felt him opening up to you too, which you felt good about.

“Would you like to go on a drive with me?” Tom asked once you both packed up the remainder of the picnic.

“Will there be music involved?”

“What would be a nice evening drive without music? C’mon, let’s go.” Tom led you to his car and you began your drive. The sun was setting and it was beautiful. “It’s wonderful outside, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is,” you said.

“I had a great time with you, Y/N.”

“Me too.”

*** Once Tom dropped you off, you began writing another song. His date left you inspired and you were starting to like him more and more. Each time you saw him your feelings for him grew. He inspired you to write your song, London Boy.

Tom wanted a second date. He felt so good leaving the first one and knew that he wanted to pursue a relationship with you. He knew that it would be hard but relationships won’t always be easy. He decided to call you the next to ask when he could see you again.

“Tom, we just went out,” you teased.

“I know, Y/N, but I like you. A lot.” You thought that it was cute how Tom was eager for a second date. You were excited too.

“I like you, too. I would love to see you again, too,” you said.

“Coffee? I don’t drink it but I know how much you like it,” Tom offered.

“How about tea? Know any good spots for a cup of tea and maybe breakfast?”

“I know just the place. See you soon, Y/N.”

***

Many amazing dates with Tom and a bunch of fun days in London later and you know that you’re ready to start recording your next album. People had their assumptions about you and Tom. Rumors had gone around but Tom and you didn’t address them.

London inspired so much of your album that you decided to record there. The rest of your team flew out and you began recording.

You called Tom asking him to come to the studio. “I’m recording one of my favorite songs today. I would love for you to come if you’re free.” You were recording London Boy today and you wanted Tom to hear it since he hadn’t before. It would also be a good way to officially tell Tom that you’re falling in love with him.

“I would love to come. Send me the address.”

“You got it. See you in 20.”

You sent Tom the address of the studio and he was there within 15 minutes. You greeted him at the front. “Hey, babe.”

He kissed you on the cheek and then asked, “Are you excited for today?”

“Very. I’m excited for you to hear the song,” you said as you led him into the studio. You introduced him to Cassandra and the rest of your team.

“Y/N, get your pretty ass in the booth,” Cassandra said. You walked into the recording booth and put on your headphones. “Let’s do this.”

“Tom, sit up in front,” you said and then he took a seat beside Cassandra. “This one is called London Boy.”

The upbeat music came on and you knew that you were skipping the intro for now so you went in with the first verse.

I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent They say home is where the heart is But that's not where mine lives

You heard Cassandra tell you to stop so they could play it back. You saw Tom smiling at you as you were singing and you took that as a good sign that he was enjoying it.

“Now for the chorus.”

You know I love a London boy I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet Darling, I fancy you Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates So I guess all the rumors are true You know I love a London boy Boy, I fancy you (Ooh)

You ended up finishing the recording of the song in an hour. You left the booth for your break and you first greeted Tom. “What did you think of it?”

“I love you, too,” he said. You leaned up to him and kissed him with every fiber of your being.

“That’s good because many of these songs are about you.”

“And I can’t wait to hear them all,” he said and then smiled.

“I can’t believe how I’ve only been here for three months and I already feel this way,” you said honestly. You have never fallen so fast for anyone, but it feels right with Tom. Everything feels right with him.

“Well, believe it because it’s real,” Tom confirmed. “Be mine, Y/N?”

“I thought you’d never ask, lover.”

~~~

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