#physcial symptom

[spaciebabie]

omg spacie jumpscare(s) !!! i'm being bombarded !!! don't make me use my special attack (the rabbit)

you didnt even know.but i remembered tem. i remembered them starbs. i remer so well. see it so clear in my minds eye. jesus christ. mental illness. me. me mental illness my disorders

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

[acanthemp3]

im so incredibly fucked bc i cant transfer until i can retroactively drop all the classes i failed in the last year which my advisor said would be easy since i apparently have a valid medical reason but i have to write a letter to the appeal committee first. and the issue is that i need medical documentation so "im incredibly depressed and fatigued and brain fogged every day all of the time and idk why" wont cut it. and all i have in terms of that are my disastrous antidepressant withdrawl episode, which only excuses a bit of the fall semester and none of the spring semester, and a couple GPs and psychiatrists shrugging at my symptoms and passing me onto specialists who havent had an open availaibility in years. so where do we go from here

[deviantartoc]

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *SKIN BURNING OFF AND MELTING* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[realcube]

ENTRY #171 pt2

synopsis ✎ iida x reader. tenya visits you in the infirmary.

tws/tags ✎ hospital, illness and pininggg

a/n ✎ part one. for @ladycoleigh & @mirophobic

ENTRY #171

note #2 → after the fight with todoroki, (l/n) fainted. they are now awake but still suffering from dizziness, dehydration and fatigue from what i can tell. it's unclear if these symptoms are to due physcial over-exertion, quirk overuse, todoroki's powers or something else.

pausing for a moment, midoriya looks up at you, laying in the bed with tenya standing by your side, who is telling you about all the news anchors that were waiting to speak to you.

midoriya interupts by asking, "(l/n), have you ever experienced these symptoms after using your quirk before?"

by the eloquent phrasing and the fact izuku had a tight grip on his pencil, ready to start writing at any second, iida could tell that his question was an untimely attempt at information gathering. with a sharp huff of his nostrils, iida rebuked him by saying, "now is not an appropriate time for that. our dear classmate could be seriously injured and you're worried about the intricacies of their quirk? so inconsiderate."

"i'm not seriously injured. i'm fine." you correct politely, placing a hand on iida's arm, causing him to stiffen at your touch.

"oh, i'm sorry if you're not feeling well enough to answer my questions, (l/n). i'll stop bothering you." midoriya respectfully bows his head to you, then turns to tenya, "but i don't think i'm being inconsiderate. especially since i was the one that brought them flowers."

he motions to the bouquet, that had been placed into a vase on your bedside table. iida looked at it with scorn, 'why didn't i think to bring flowers?' he mentally reprimanded himself, then faced midoriya again. just as he was about to open his mouth to reply, you all here a quiet knock at the door.

"come in!" you call. the door creaks open and todoroki steps into the room, gently closing it behind him.

"it's good to see you awake, (l/n). how are you?" he asks in his usual monotone voice.

you offer a weak smile and respond, "thank you, todoroki. i'm feeling much better."

"good." todoroki nods once, then creeps closer towards your bed, "would it be okay if i asked you a question?"

"of course."

"are we long lost half-siblings?"

you choked on your own spit as soon as he uttered that. even tenya's jaw dropped and midoriya started to frantically scribble stuff down in his notebook. once the inital shock and amusement wore off, you were about to reply until iida started hasilty chopping the air, "right! that's enough questions. if the two of you can't behave normally, please leave!"

todoroki and midoriya exchanged a glance, before exiting the room, but not without flash you a sympathetic smile first. however, they didn't go because they had nothing else to say to you, but rather due to the fact that they could tell iida wanted to be alone with you.

once they had left, iida lets out a hefty sigh of relief. you giggle at this, poking his leg with your finger, "you're so strict with them."

iida's cheeks dusted pink — if you listened closely, you could even hear his engines splutter —and he choked, "i just think they should wait until you are out of the infirmary before they start bombarding you with their inquiries. it's the polite thing to do."

you smiled up at him, but he didn't notice as he stared at the bouquet, unable to meet your sweet gaze. "yeah. but i understand their curiousity. i did hide my quirk for a while." you giggled.

"i can see why you did that." he muses, idly cupping the petals of one of the flowers in his hand. "although, your quirk the potential to be very powerful. i hope you realise that."

now it was your turn to experience butterflies. "thank you, iida."

he must find it easier to talk to you with his gaze averted, because when he looked to meet your eyes, he almost had the wind knocked out of him from how angelic you were. it astounded him how even in your most dishevelled and weak state, you were still so stunning. filled with an authentic brightness and lustre he couldn't quite comprehend.

though he wanted to tell you how gorgeous you were — it felt like the right time — he couldn't muster the courage to do so. instead, he opted for, "you're an excellent classmate, (l/n). i'm honoured to have met you."

[kragehund-est]

hey, not to make this your problem, but my adhd is kicking my ass. what systems do you use that work for you?

here are some of the things i use to help myself. everyone's different though, so see what works for you. @ anyone else, feel free to chime in with what you do.

study/work:

do NOT have your phone in the vicinity, and also put it on do not disturb.

dedicate a clear space to work in, don't do other things in that space.

set a timer for 25 min and study til it runs out. take a 5 min break. repeat 3 times. then take a 40 min break. (pomodoro technique) plan ahead of time what will happen in each of those time slots.

it's fine to fidget or doodle, but do a periodic check that that's not becoming your main focus. i use a grip strengthener because i don't have to look at it to use it.

if you listen to music, either set a playlist or accept whatever music comes on. if a song you dont like comes on, simply accept it and let it pass. DON'T PICK UP YOUR PHONE TO CHANGE IT.

if you find your mind drifting while you're studying/working, don't stay in the same place, get up. get a glass of water, stretch, get a snack, whatever. come back once you feel you can focus better.

memory:

a lot of people will tell you to set up a morning/nightime routine. instead of putting in steps like 1. brush teeth 2. take meds, etc., my routine is to force myself to walk along a predetermined path in my house. it's much easier to remember to do things when i SEE them

if you have something you misplace often, like you wallet or keys, give it a home. i have a little box on a table by my door.

if you have to remember to bring something with you (like a backpack, gym bag, or gift for a friend), place it directly in front of the door. you cannot leave without looking at that thing.

also, you can get carabiners and clip things together. i used to always forget my water bottle. well now i physcially cannot do that because i clipped my car keys to it.

write things down! "nahh i'll just remember it" <- no you will not. bring a notepad and pen.

in that same vein, don't put anything off when it takes two seconds. pay for something with your card? immediately afterwards put the card back in your wallet, lest you drop it in your pocket and then forget it there when you wear different clothes the next day.

i have a huge whiteboard in my living room that has my calendar and my to-do list.

on my calendar, i put not only the event, not only the TIME of the event, but also i include the time i need to leave in order to arrive on time, and list anything i need to bring with me.

the to-do list has completion times and priority level next to it. i will NOT start a low priority 40 min project when i have high priority 5 min project. even if the 5 min one sucks.

general tips:

everyone with adhd knows routine is important, but if you find part of a routine difficult, find the root issue and adjust it. problem: i take too long to get dressed in the morning. cause: too tired to make a decision, uncoordinated because of sleepiness. solution: lay your clothes out and loop your belt through belt loops *before bed* so you don't have to do it half asleep

don't mix stimulants. caffeine or adderall alone: cool. caffeine and adderall mixed: twitchy sociopath behaviors and shaky hands.

don't worry about maintaining "normalcy", if something works for you, do it.

limit phone use, especially short form media like reels. it has been proven to both induce and worsen adhd-like symptoms.

i know this is cringe but maintain your physical health. exercise, sleep well, drink water, eat balanced meals.

[rriotghoul]

fuck, i hate sundays.

it means mondays and going back to program

the same program that makes me crawl on the floor and refuses to help me when i loose my legs

the same one that makes me sob with stress and the feeling like i am subjectively nothing. lower then low, just a dog in their eyes when i have to crawl across a dirty floor just to get some water

trapped

the very same program that my parents constantly praise. saying its saving their "baby girl" and i'll finally have a "life". when ive never been worse

the same place where my symptoms keep actively getting worse and the stress of having to go there is making me worse both mentally and physcially

so i lie, i lie to make them think im ok so theyll let me out. i stopped talking about my symptoms and how shit i feel, i mask and tell them im "ok" and pretend like pain isnt eating me up from the inside

because thats all they want to see, and the sooner they look away the sooner i can leave

4 weeks in and all ive been taught is that asking for mobility aids is "enabling my FND" and that i need to mask harder and be "functional".

its my fault im like this

[happyk44]

[ID: 1: List of the differences and similiarities between Classic OCD and Tourettic OCD. In the lower righthand corner of the image it reads, "Touretteic's unite" in all caps purple text. The list is:

The rituals in Classic OCD and Tourettic OCD can look identical and can include counting, tapping, opening anc closing doors, dressing tirtuals, toilet rituals, eating rtiuals and more. The rituals can last hours and mean that you have no free time.

Handwashing in classic OCD is usually due to anxiety and fear of germs but in Tourettic OCD it's due to a sensation being stuck on your hands.

Tourettic OCD rituals can sometimes be suppressed however this should [all caps] NEVER [end caps] be encouraged as it's uncomfortable, physically intolerable, distressing and causes dangerous rebounds of tics, rage attacks and other symptoms later on.

Out of body sensations (phantom tics) can precede a Tourettic OCD ritual.

Classic OCD usually responds more to anti-depressant medication and Tourettic OCD usually responds more to anti-psychotic medication.

Both Toureettic OCD and Clas ic OCD can cuase severe physcial disability and etoional distress.

2: Two separate light blue-green boxes. The first box is titled Classic OCD. The second box is titled Tourettic OCD. All text on this page is in all caps. At the bottom middle of the graphic is "Tourette's unite" in all caps bright purple text. The boxes read:

CLASSIC OCD

Intrusive thoughts are present and can precede a compulsion

May feel that something bad would happen is the ritual isn't completed correctly

CBT can be effective

Intrusive thoughts, obsessions and compulsions/rituals OR Pure-O (just intrusive thoughts)

More common

TOURETTIC OCD:

Rituals are preceded by a physical premonitory sensation and not an intrusive thought

Nothing bad would happen if the ritual isn't completed but it would be uncomfortable as it's involuntary

CBT usually isn't effective

Pure rituals + compulsions

Rarer

/end ID]

[saucha-underground]

How to cure your own anxiety

How to help anxiety (How to come back)

Anxiety comes from an unbalanced root chakra. The root chakra is what grounds you to reality. The root chakra anchors you. The loss of this anchor manifests itself in insecurity and anxiety. For whatever reason your root chakra is jacked up (childhood trauma, too few hugs, whatever the case may be) it can effect how you go about living day to day. And also theres the rare occasion that this lack of grounding... if too extreme... may turn physcial. These are called somatic symptoms. Where your anxiety actually hurts you physically. (You are literally.... beating yourself up ba dum tsss) All in all Heres how to anchor yourself. And for those having a bad trip looking for help on tumblr... heres how to come back. 

Your root chakra is located directly at the base of the tail bone and the vibration of that chakra is linked to how secure you are. If its weak you get anxiety. 

 If the vibration is weak you can try to get back in touch with it by listening to this

If you are having a bad trip, that should bring you down immediately. Also it helps you if youre scared or anxious because the energy of being secure in yourself is making this particular vibration and frequency. 

Also you can help this along with actual yoga poses. This is Janu Sirsasana (or the head-to-knee-bend)

If you flex the foot of the leg thats bent you tap directly into your root chakra (Or you engage the bandhas as yogis would say) You can keep the foot normal... but flexing the foot gives you immediate access to that area. This pose grounds you to reality and alleviates anxiety. 

Try both.Try  Listening to that vibration and doing this pose at the same time and tell me if it made you feel any better

[art-of-mathematics]

i don't know your situation or understand what you're going through, but i hope you're okay xx

Hello there! Thanks for reaching out!

It has been so tough again in the last hours. Invasive actions of psychiatrists who never had to do with my complex case.

It actually was as banal as. I was given a separate room by my psychiatrist who understands me so far that she knows how to handle me and my case and my words. But she was gone for not even an entire day, and a doc - more arrogant snob - 'diagnosed me' with the most superficial nonsense. I am just causing drama to get attention. Same fiddle every time.

They spun a network of ignorant misdiagnoses hindering every opportunity to receive real help!!

They not even checked blood values or anything ever since.

These hurtful misdiagnoses are not true!!! Therapists who really work on my case always tell me the same. Superficiality and ignorance HARM!

I asked for vitamine supplies. He said "Just eat"... but I EAT, BUT HERE is so few food with the nutrition I need!!!

I just need damn nutrition.

Later they cause so much harm to me and a person who they put in my room - I was flashed, not because I did not like her or anything close to that - it was INVASIVE!

They never spoke about it, they never warned. Then they opened all curtains and I got so awful double vision and delirium by that. And the instant rush of the violation of principles that ensure an autist's mere function... i had a meltdown.

The nurse was so abusive. Said "no one can get hurt my light' you are not a vampire! You just google shit! You have all symptoms but you can't have them! You make them up to get attention and tyrranize everyone.

And none of that was ever true.

These fucking symptoms are sadly all primarily due to one fucking thing: severe nutrition deficiency. And the "CURE" is all fucking simple!!! But they refuse the PLAINEST of help!!!

This nurse is like those most neurotypical cruel fake shallow monsters. She projects her intolerant narrow view on myself. She invalidates, denies, dismisses. Refuses to understand me debunking her nonsense and trying to create clarity.

And the ignorance is so painful. I said she can't judge it. She said she's not judging, it's her opion (which is in fact an evaluation of an impression of her own interpretation - so it IS judging!)

She does understand NOTHING. Really no word I tell her lands in her brain. It's like she is so dogmatic in her wrong belief. Or does not even know one basic single word in German language.

Today I witnessed Dunning-Krüger everywhere!!! And it fucking kills!!!

It hurt to see my (shortly present) room neighbour crying, because of this shit I could not control, the meltdown, which was INDUCED by their sheer incompetence, ignorance, cruelty.

It made me so furious. Invalidating. Every time. I told that nurse that she can't judge what she does not understand. That she should educate herself on how autism impacts everyday life, perception, health, behavior, communication. Sadly all her brain cells seem to be tied to manipulation and how to be the most awful ignorant possible.

I am so sorry it all sounds so aggressive. But they HURT!!! They cause harm on so many here, not just me!!! This needs to be stopped!!! It needs to be investigated how many people they killed with such procedures.

They refuse to give me help!!

I neglected all these symptoms for far too long, exactly because of that. But they got so bad...

This nurse told me 'you can go whenever you want'. And I asked her I can't i physcially can't survive. Then she proceeded 'but you came here and it was bright'... and not even one of these statements is true. I was shoven from a terrible place by the ambulance into this torture chamber, during evening/night.

They literally refuse to SEE the meanwhile already OBVIOUS, which is the unfortunate REALITY now!

And they keep kicking and killing your last part that survives: Your psychological resilience.

And I am shaking. The insuline resistance is unbearable. But they would not even do anything if cetoacidosis would intoxicate me. Even if I vomitted due to that they would refuse the help I have the right to have: in this case: It is bound to direct survival!!!

It is a nightmare. And it sounds too lunatic that anyone could ever believe.

My psychiatrist came few hours ago, after my room neighbour and I calmed down.

I went to the dark bathroom to recharge. She later returned to our room after being absent for a short time, and she reacted in a way that made be feel embraced, compassionate, grateful, but als so so sorry and guilty.

She had a surgery of a brain tumor. And it felt so devastating she is treated so so so bad here. That they put her in such an awful situation with me and my problems being 100% dismissed.

I was a scapegoat. And the hurt I felt when recognizing her reaction was torture. It was psychological torture for both of us.

I am beyond my limit and I can't be confronted in such a way with people who are hurt so much themselves. It hurt me twice, thousandfold.

If they had told me in advance and found a solution for the light/illumination problem, it would have been far less devastating for both of us. It was so invasive. The reaction of the nurse 'it's just light and why should it be so bad that someone is here now? ' - neurotyi pical intolerance, ignorance and unfortunately this resulted in more and more verbal abuse.

Half an our later I sat in the bathroom. And she approached me and asked if she could enter the bathroom. I said yes and apologized. She was humble and somewhat had compassion. I then proceeded to built a tiny fort/cave between my bad and heater. This is where I have been since. It calms me.

She calmed down as well. But then the chaos continued. She was put in another room. I suppose it was because my (original) psychiatrist came, and knew this was fatal, as she knows of the importance of that. Despite the difficulties here in the clinic, she demands such a high priority for the single room. She is the only reason why I am not dead already here.

She fights for me as she understands. And she tries to protect me from the harm by many people working here. But when she is gone it is all devastating.

Next time I refuse to talk with these ignorant docs, and only correspond with my original psychiatrist. Most others are so awful. I do not know who to trust. They don't understand what is real and what is bullshit.

So many new nurses everyday, so many fake behaviors. So many ones who are abusive. Some who you believe are trustworthy. I can't trust. It all shatters. This place is traumatizing in every means for a neurodivergent/autistic person.

It is so sad...

There is no help. Even askeing them to transfer me to somewhere I may receive help... no way. Excuses. I say I NEED help. They say they give help. But NO!!! It is the OPPOSITE of help actually!!! I never damnit wanted to be a statistic anomaly. They simplifiy this extremely complex case to such a degree, it is the opposite of reality.

As if they do neither understand what I say nor any of my behavior.

Even when having hypoglycaemia, they refuse to help. If you ask them for juice, they refuse. They say absent-mindendly "Yeah... i knowji know... 'and leave. Only after half an hour a random nurse from another part of the clinic sees me and asks me what I need, I say sugar, have low blood glucose. And then I receive it finally. But this in concerning. Hypoglycaemia can trigger much of symptoms I have now as well. You can even get unsconscious, and if too long waited, you die. Considering their amount of concern or care, I could have been dead for more than two hours.

Things like these happen far too often.

If I do not care for myself who is unable to move, to care for himself, to live, then I die. And that is what my alter ego does. But he can't anymore. The biological spaceship is too damaged. Even the 'most skilled pilot' will not succeed.

The pain is unbearable.

And the pain of being stuck here.

I just wish someone would just dump me 300km+ far away where I receive REAL help!

I am physcially stuck in a network of abusive environments.

Even the person of the amulance told me I need to leave this city asap. She was concerned all she could do is either throw me into the torture chamber 'rathole clinic', or leave me in the abusive home with the tyrants of my abusers, my father and myjsister.

It was a decision between torture and torture.

This has been my reality ever since.

Please I would even consider living in care for a while, IF treated accordingly to what I really have and need, far away from this abuse city.

[mcytagere]

I have another question if thats okay nova? You both share the same body soim guessing that you both have ti deal with any physcial ailments (bless your souls for having to go through yhat) but what about mental ones?

Do you ever regress when you're fronting? I also want to ask if you share ashs feelings of dysphoria and the like but don't want to press because im noy sure how comfortable you are talking about that sort of sfuff.

Again please ignore or delete if im asking too many questions or rude ones.

your questions are fine! i'm not sure if i have any mental illnesses. i'm a protector alter and i'm also not a complete and comprehensive person to the extent that ash is. i definitely know all of the trauma in a way that he doesn't, and it sucks, but it's not particularly distressing to me to think about like it is for him. i kind of AM a symptom a mental illness, so i guess i don't really know how to answer this super well. the main thing i think i'd say is that, while i have a sense of identity and am certainly fragmented, i am not a full person and i do not have the same mental/emotional experience as ash does or as any other person does.

as for the gender thing, while ash has very strong feelings of gender dysphoria and euphoria, i am completely indifferent to gender. they/them pronouns feel the most fitting for me and such, but gendered terms and the like don't bother me at all!

[thecouncilofidiots]

I literally have so many things working against me

We're autistic (with verbal stims + echolalia), we have OCPD (with obsessive compulsive behaviors), and fun fact! I am a symptom holder in our system! I am a hyperfocus/hyperfixation holder!

I do not want this echo 😭 Take it back

Ace is the one with verbal/auditory stims, mine are physcial! I don't want this one! -Sin

I am going to fucking murder this annoying mother fucker... (/not serious, not actually mad) -Sin

[sirenagirl7]

First post....I’ve never done this

I’m generally not a woman of many words let alone public ones. But boy have I had a journey lately. This lead me think that to move past this difficult time I needed to talk. I needed to work things through out loud. Perhaps in doing so I could connect with others for support and understanding. 

On December 31st I was exposed to someone with COVID. A friend came to help my boyfriend and I move. We wore our masks with the exception of eating. The next day our friend called to let us know one of his family was positive for COVID. So, he had gone to get tested and was also positive. He wasn’t having symptoms at the time. 

I was officially diagnosed on January 13th. By the 15th I was in the hospital. I was hospitalized 2 weeks and diagnosed with COVID pneumonia. I fought so hard to not get intubated. It was tough physcially, mentally, and emotionally. I know I’m lucky. I made it. I got to go home. But the road ahead is long and steep. I realized real quick I can’t even say I can take it day by day. It’s literally second by second. 

With COVID, I went from a completely independent woman to a woman who needs assistance with things as simple as a shower or getting out of bed. I’m on a million meds, oxygen, a CPAP machine to sleep. Even typing now, its as if my body has had to relearn to walk, talk, eat, simply survive. I know this will be a process and all I have is time. 

[fromdreamertoachiever]

Root Chakra/Muladhara: The Basics

I think the best place to start is back to basics.

I’m going to work on my Root Chakra, formally known as the Muladhara.

Please note that the following is not all-inclusive.

BASIC INFORMATION

Colour: Red.

Location: Base of the Spine, pelvis and the feet.

Mantra: LAM.

Element: Earth.

Demon: Fear.

Fear is often from unmet basic needs, feeling threatened, or being hurt. 

It is there to help us stay alive and to protect us from harm, but on most occasions, the threat is only perceived, not real. This prevents us from feeling secure, calm and effects our ability to focus.

My fears include: water (hydrophobia) when it is cold, dark and deep. I am also constantly worrying about dangerous situations, although I realise they’re illogical. e.g. worried I’ll bump into my abusive ex-boyfriend and things become violent/aggressive.

Right: The right to be here and the right to have.

We all have a place on this Earth, none is more deserving than the other. We all deserve to have our basic needs met: water, air, warmth, food, shelter, safety and security.

We should claim our body and the space it takes up. (Struggling with my weight over the years has made this an issue for me, I often find myself physcially tightening and curling inwards when in public or near others.)

Identity: Physical.

Our physical identity related to our body, its needs and what it feels. 

Understanding that we need to exist physically and should listen and meet our physical needs.

Key Themes: self-preservation, survival, basic physical needs, grounding, the physical body and being present.

Crystals: most red and black crystals including black tourmaline, onyx, jet, bloodstone, hematite, tigers eye (good for the first 3 chakras), obsidian, garnet, smokey quartz.

Essential Oils: black pepper, sandalwood, cedar, ginger, cloves.

Development stage: conception - 1 year.

All chakras can be balanced, deficient (lack of/blocked energy), excessive (overflowing with energy) or a mixture of both. This can be for a variety of reasons, but each state has its own “symptoms.”

Balanced: 

Manifestation

Good health

Vitality/good energy levels

Relaxed and feel safe/secure

Present in current time and space

Focused

Healthy Boundaries and self-discipline. 

Deficient:

Fearful/Anxious

Undisciplined and lack of boundaries

Restlessness

Feeling spaced out/ungrounded

Feeling disconnected from the body

Underweight

Poor focus and disorganised.

Excessive:

Heavy

Sluggish/Lethargic/lack of energy

Monotonous

Being overweight/obese

Hoarding/Greed over financial/material things

Materialism

Fear change

Boundaries that are too rigid.

My Current State:

At the moment I am struggling with lethargy and lack of energy. This is something I have struggled with over my whole life. I am overweight and have poor self-discipline. I struggle to say no to food and buying things. I also have difficulty doing things I need to do, such as exercise. I have this subconscious “need” to have everything now as if it’s going to be gone soon. I’m trying to teach myself that I don’t need to order everything I fancy on the menu in one sitting, as it’ll be here another day (that’s just one example.

This all suggests that my Root Chakra is excessive, but sometimes it drops into deficiency. I’ll suddenly have all this energy I don’t know what to do with and what to do everything all at once... Then I go straight back into the previous state. 

And as always, I recommend buying Anodea Judith’s book: Western Body, Eastern Mind. This book helped me change my life.

Next, I will look at why my chakra is in its current state and what I can do to balance it. 

[rahimaldemir]

Symptoms of Harran Virus

On the wall of Dr. Camden’s lab there are photos of infected where he documents the stages of the virus in infected people before they turn as well as other notes on the progression of the physcial changes.

Transcription of Camden’s notes:

Stage 1 - Fever and sweats

Stage 2 - Nausea and vomiting

Stage 3 - Hallucinations

Convulsions

Object begins to have difficulty breathing

10:12:17 after infection - aggressive behavior *

Bloody bruise on the face - open, oozing wounds

Open, oozing rany - muscle necrosis **

12:30:38 Skin lesions

14:20:10 Open wounds

Bloodshot whites of the eyes; change of the color of the iris; likely extension of the visual spectrum - thermal perception

* Time stamp was originally written as 10_12:17, but this is an assumed typo on the developers’ part and was corrected to 10:12:17

** EDIT 04/01/19: Big thanks to @negativvekraken who pointed out that “rany” means “wounds” in Polish and, Techland being a Polish company, was probably a translation error. (Really appreciate it!)

[myfandomrambles]

Carol Danvers First Thoughts

I really liked her a lot and have some opinions. 

Okay, Some Stuff I Really Like:

I really liked her ability to have confidence even while scared. It is very powerful when we see people who are scared but do what they need to anyway.

I love the “get back up” imagery it is a really powerful motif and it's a pretty strong character trait that was consistent no matter what. Giving some consistency in a movie that could feel a bit disjointed.

Her ignoring rules is another way they connected her character across a very volatile character in other wars. I also enjoyed that even when others tried to force her into boxes but she would not do it was really important.

The costume being non-sexualized was amazing, but the outfits can still be in character and theme without being a cat suite built for males to think are hot. 

That helping support a woman of colour being why she is considered brave and hero to her family.

That we weren’t shown graphic or sexualized violence when showing her past traumas. Even the memory extraction scene didn’t including graphic beating, gaging, ripped clothes, excessive blood or injuries that ring reminiscent of abuse. I was also grateful that neither acts of or threats of sexual violence were included. They didn't even have sexually suggestive insults/manipulation. They are still giving her a story, and knowledge she can bee hurt and setting up some well paid off emotional reactions without this horrific violence. They did still have cartoon superhero fights and explosions keeping the genre traits we all wanted to see. 

I like the way she is swayed by the stories of refugees and empire. She has always been a bit of a rogue soldier and this lingering distrust of the Kree allows her to change her mind. She becomes an anti-colonialist and protects refugees, which is the best kind of hero to be. Though it is a little funny that they make the US army look chill as they are imperialists themselves. (Also since we genocided the Asgardian refuges I can't assume the Russos won't murder them all)

Part of her hero arc being throwing off not only the indoctrination of the Kree but also the very apparent gaslighting and control of Yon-Rog and the  Supreme Intelligence. She explicitly rejects both of their control, telling them she is not weak for feeling and owes them nothing. Their undermining of her identity, feelings and what she wants to do is shown as an enemy. And I like that it obviously has shaped her but she can’t still bunch those abusive people in the face! 

Where They Could Do Better:

Some things to add could be expanding what we know of her birth family. They are down to yell at and deride her multiple times. we also see her father (or another male relative) physically handling her roughly and shoving her to the ground at a beach. We also are told that her real family are the Rambeau’s. While it does show the theme stretches back to childhood, but some more information I think would be good. It does show she has always been stubborn but some more ways it changed her would be nice.

Other topics that could be dropped in would be some likes and dislikes. Maybe some of what she uncovers could be emotions/reaction to some cultural touchstones. Like maybe references to 80s/90s American cause some thoughts. We get a lot of this characterizations in Marvel movies and it could go a long way.

Also some more direct conversation with her old Kree teammates and Maria Rambeau not tied to just her memory blackouts. The best conversations we got were with Monica we see some other sides to her than warrior/soldier and snark. Her stuff with Fury was fun for sure but some conversations other than banter could help so we could build up a relationship that would connect to why she would give him her communicator and have an emotional tie that would bring her to immediately show up when called and have the long term emotional tie I likely think they are going within Endgame. It also could have added characterization to Fury outside facts, easter eggs and setting up later fils.

However, I love her so much and found the movies overall fun to watch and even had me almost tearing up. I also got a pretty strong immediate headcanons.  (also projection probs)

Nd Headcanon

 C-PTSD w/ Dissociative symptoms:

Affect & Emotional Dysregulation: Often either showing almost no emotion on her face and internalizing her feelings or very visible and explosive expression of emotions.

Disrupted Systems of Meaning: Similar to the identity issues we see multiple ways she creates specific scaffolds she works on as her identity. Being a pilot for the army, the Kree way of life "heroes", and then the idea of the protector of the Skrulls/refuges. And in conjunction, there is a loss of belief around these too.

Dissociation: She is shown to check out and go blank. One I remember is in the Project Pegasus bunker when reading through the papers she misses fury trying to talk to her. Another example I remember is the way her sensory perceptions distort when shown pictures of her past.

Dissociated/Repressed Memories: So this is much more of a theory/headcanon then something that’s not explained by sci-fy stuff.  But the way they describe her memory blanks is super relatable for my dissociation and memory loss. She has some huge blanks which can happen a lot, even whole people she loved. The way these gaps cause feelings of loss and confusion which is so common with people who have dissociative amnesia.

Also that she has flashbacks and nightmares of memories but can’t properly access them. And the way memory recovery can have a painful reaction and while it’s great to be reunited with people but it can’t really be the same it was before. And the deep reaction she had to hear her voice making her have to bolt from the situation,  feels like it can’t be her, even when she knows it has to be.

Flashbacks: Clearly was shown multiple times, not just under Skrull manipulation. They are even triggered by reminders of her past and under stress. They are disruptive to her life and are also shown to be disjointed.

Hypervigilance/Excessive Fight Response: She absolutely is almost constantly in fight/flight/freeze mode. We can see her have a pretty impressive startle response and easily switching to her "fight" mode. She can't shut off her way of handling things or really being casual in case only a few situations.

Identity Confusion/Malleability: She literally has multiple ways she presents herself. Changes wildly on her circumstances and manipulatable. Her parents seem to be trying to tell her to be calm, not fight, not be emotional and she completely tries to prove them all wrong, is super into her pilot identity, then Yon-Rogg is horrible manipulative and forces her to be something else. Know the Skrull also shifts her, making more of a one-man band instead of the loyal soldier even changing the way she was dressing.

Nightmares: These are directly referenced by her and Yon-Rogg. The nightmare is really relatable and pretty accurate for trauma memories. They are of her past/trauma but with confused details and trouble placing them. Even shown to prevent sleep to the point she doesn’t even want to sleep.   

Paranoia/Anxiety: Falls a bit in the adage of "just because your paranoid doesn't mean their not after you" there really were shape-changers, but her immediately switching to grilling people to check for Skrulls (like when the neighbour comes to Maria Rambeau's house) shows a state of paranoia and being on edge. Always doubting thinking everything.

Re-Victimization/Distorted Perceptions of Abusers: The implied abuse of her biological parents visibly including controlling er behaviour, interests, identity and emotions. Also pretty likely including some physical aspects having them shove her to the ground. While in a lot of ways joining the Air Force is highly bulking her upbringing, it's also directly subjecting her to a situation of more people controlling and deriding her. There is also going to be more violence forced on her.

Then with the Kree, she is obviously most close to Yon-Rogg, out of obligation likely but she doesn't reach beyond him to form other bonds and while she does rebuke his statements she does seem to follow them and lets him manipulate her and directly send her to the Supreme Intelligence to mess with her mind. She doesn't seem to realise how manipulative he is being, constantly undermining her emotions and ideas. He also holds his "saving her", giving her al her "power" and "worth". Even seemingly saying she is only alive through his blood. This connection doesn't break till she is shown obvious lies he and the Supreme Intelligence forced on her.

Strong and Explosive Anger/Rage: Anger is one of the emotions she shows most visible. It often is expressed in active violence and can cause involuntary usage of her powers. It's also something used against her by her father, Supreme Intelligence, and Yon-Rogg. The last two are actually really good at using it as a control tactic even liking it to the direct device that reacts to her powers which are strongest in relation to her emotional state.