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mrschwartz · 2 years ago

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Arctic Monkeys’ Alex Turner: ‘I’m comfortable with the idea that things don’t have to be a pop song’

The most influential frontman of his generation is also the least at ease with it. He discusses abandoning rock norms, singing from the gut and treading the fine line between cryptic and gooey on new album The Car

Not for the first time, Alex Turner has lost his train of thought. In a booth of a downtown Manhattan diner, the Arctic Monkeys frontman is hunched forward, grasping for words to describe their new album – a black-tie orgy of cinematic soul, lurid funk and perfumed 60s strings. A waiter swoops in to save him. Would Turner like some milk for his coffee? “I’ll have a bit of milk, yes please,” he says. She returns a minute later, and Turner, having strung together no more than half a sentence, eagerly tops up his mug. “OK,” he says, rubbing his hands. “OK. Now we’ve got it.”

During our two-hour conversation, the affable introvert is determinedly, delightfully animated: he bashes imaginary woodblocks, sprawls across his moulded seat, clasps thin air and shakes it like a Magic 8 Ball. His turquoise jumper’s V-neck reveals a thin gold necklace, which he fondles while digressing into monologues on the genius of composer David Axelrod. Turner has been portrayed as aloof and evasive, but he is a man of pensive silences – an ambivalent overthinker trapped in an eccentric entertainer’s body.

He tries to describe orchestrating that new album, The Car. “Rather than strings on top of rock,” he says finally, “I was interested in switching the ‘rock band’ bit on and off.” He tweaks levels on a mixing desk in his mind’s eye. “With the Sculptures song” – the dizzyingly gorgeous Sculptures of Anything Goes – “the ‘rock band’ fader comes up for two bars here and there, and then it’s switched back off.”

He inspects this thought, then flings out his arms and freezes. He looks like a magician alarmed the rabbit is missing from his hat. Slowly, he reboots. “And I don’t remember doing that quite so … deliberately before,” he concludes. A boyish smile. “Phew!” He clutches his chest. “I didn’t think I was gonna get to the end of that sentence.”

But Turner, 36, is nothing if not acutely self-aware and very funny with it. But surely this superstar, whose new haircuts trend on Twitter, is too famous to be such a brooder. Each of his eight albums, including the two with the Last Shadow Puppets, his project with friend Miles Kane, has debuted at No 1 in the UK. Since its 2013 release, the Monkeys’ juggernaut of a fifth album, AM, has taken just one week’s holiday from the UK Top 100. It spent most of September back inside the Top 10, after the band headlined Reading and Leeds festivals.

The AM era lasted a couple of years – long enough for the Sheffield boys’ image as pomade-slick, leather-jacketed Los Angeles dirtbags to stick in the public memory for good. So when Arctic Monkeys got back to mischief, with 2018’s fantastically strange Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino, fans were confounded. Turner had assembled a cast of distractible narrators to interrogate modern society – technology, politics, hyperreal LA – in a retro-futurist concept album set in a lunar colony. On stage, dressed like a 70s geography teacher, he now addressed crowds with comical formality. Sceptics said he had lost the plot, calling it an act of self-sabotage – or worse, a class betrayal. In Sheffield, somebody graffitied a coffin on a gate at Hunter’s Bar – the area immortalised in Fake Tales of San Francisco. “Hey Alex,” the caption read. “How’s California?”

While tighter and grander than its predecessor, Arctic Monkeys’ seventh album is blissfully unconcerned with correcting the record. It swings from a louche, movie-soundtrack intro to Portishead-stark noir, improbably catchy yacht-funk and the poppy bombast of Elliott Smith’s LA era. At times, Turner dips into a slick, syrupy croon, though he recoils from the word’s stuffy baggage.

“You sort of wish there was a way around the things attached to that word [croon],” he says. “But yeah, everything’s come down a little bit. And I like that, because if it’s come down here” – he runs a finger from his forehead to his ribcage – “it’s out of your head. It’s more coming from …”

He hunts for the word. The heart? I suggest, as he flings invisible confetti from his chest.

“The heart,” he agrees, sounding a bit uncomfortable. “Or even better: the gut.”

Turner is not all the way out of his head just yet. He sings much of The Car in a falsetto that trapezes between Sly Stone and David Byrne. The anxious melodies strike a delicate balance with the sumptuous strings. “You don’t want it to get gooey,” he reasons. “But it’s nice to get to the perimeter of that. There may have been discussions about where that line is, and how many times you can get close to it.”

Still, Turner’s bamboozling lyrics preclude slushiness. Traces of Yorkshire chansonnier Jake Thackray and punk-poet John Cooper Clarke remain, but Turner’s bon mots are now elaborately encrypted. Struggle though you may to picture festival crowds bellowing some of the lyrics here (Hello You opens: “Lego Napoleon movie / written in noble gas-filled glass tubes / underlined in sparks”), you can never rule it out. The similarly inscrutable 505, an album cut from 2007’s Favourite Worst Nightmare, recently caused a sensation on TikTok.

Maybe tackling impenetrable lyrics helps bring us deeper into a song, I suggest. Turner laughs. “I like the idea of you putting that in here and everybody going: ‘Ah, I dunno, sounds tough. We won’t give it a listen after all.’” He admits to scribbling notes in his printed lyric book, teasing out themes mysterious even to him. “The Annotated Lyrics,” he jokes, imitating a 1950s ad man. “Get that stocking filler out for Christmas.”

From the moment in the mid-00s when Arctic Monkeys blew up, Turner has longed to go incognito. He strode undercover into his new public life, a frightened teenager hiding inside a big swagger, collecting shiny awards for songs he had written for mates of mates in pub backrooms. In 2006, the band released what was then the UK’s all-time fastest-selling debut album – a death sentence for his man-of-the-people, kitchen-sink writing style.

On 2009’s Humbug, co-produced by Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, Turner escaped into a rock archetype. The band’s hairier second phase amped up the sleaze and elliptical lyrics, culminating in the darkly spectacular AM. By this point, the bequiffed Turner was harder to read, particularly in his divisive speech at the 2014 Brit Awards. “That rock’n’roll, eh,” he drawled with indeterminate sincerity. “It’s always waiting there, just around the corner. Ready to make its way back through the sludge and smash through the glass ceiling, looking better than ever. Yeah, that rock’n’roll …”

At the mention of the speech, and its concluding mic drop, Turner winces, sucking air through his teeth. But, I say, since Tranquility, the moment looks more like performance art – perhaps it anticipated his scepticism towards the rock construct. He listens intently, then, on the last point, springs back as if harpooned to his seat. “That’s interesting, yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says, head bobbing vigorously. He chews it over, talking half to himself. “So we’re saying it’s tied to AM, because of the haircut and … that performer …”

He seems unsure just how much of himself was in the mic-dropping rock star.

“When you think about that, and the clothes,” he continues, “I wasn’t doing that with [fourth album] Suck It and See or [third] Humbug. It wasn’t grease in the hair.” He pauses again, considering each album’s “performer” – always a fractured reflection of himself. “Normally, the record you make encourages a certain style of performance. But thinking about the performer in relation to Tranquility, or even this thing” – meaning the new album – “I have considered that you can invert that. The performer can influence the music, rather than the other way around.”

The Car’s performer more closely resembles the Turner I meet today: brilliant company but palpably self-scrutinising – a far cry from the headstrong Brits character. Turner wrote most of the album at the piano, souping up Tranquility’s vanquished lounge singer with a spritz of Rat Pack razzmatazz. Turner and the band’s producer, James Ford, separately drafted string arrangements that the composer Bridget Samuels simplified and edited.

Turner seems mildly embarrassed by the prospect of using strings live (a proposed orchestral TV special was deemed too predictable), but the album sounds just as exquisite without them. During a stunning show at Brooklyn’s Kings theatre the week of our interview, the band premiere three songs: the resplendent There’d Better Be a Mirrorball, a fingerpicked heart-warmer called Mr Schwartz and soon-to-be staple Body Paint, whose gnomic chorus crowdsurfs along a festival-slaying melody: “Straight from the cover shoot,” Turner coos, “There’s still a trace of body paint / On your legs and on your arms and on your face.”

As with 505 or Crying Lightning, it is a head-scratcher fated for mass seduction. “Not exactly what you’d imagine singing over the loud bit,” Turner concurs, chuckling. The body paint could represent almost anything: a literal costume; a stubborn artistic persona; or in a spunkier reading, the residue of an illicit affair. “But it’s as much about the musical ideas as the lyrics,” Turner says. “On Mirrorball, before the words even come in, that instrumental piece [establishes] the feel of the record”: wistful, enigmatic, acutely reminiscent of 70s European cinema. “All right,” Turner recalls thinking after writing it in 2020. “This feels like how the next record starts.”

Turner now lives between London and Paris with the French singer-songwriter Louise Verneuil. He composed most of the album alone, using the technique he road-tested on AM and adopted wholesale on Tranquility: compose, demo, inspect, tweak and re-record, repeat the process to death and eventually add drums and vintage keyboards. Finally: bring in the band.

In the summer of 2021, Arctic Monkeys convened at Butley Priory, a wedding venue and makeshift studio in Suffolk. On a whim, Turner brought his 60mm video camera to document the sessions, later compiling his footage for the impressively chic There’d Better Be a Mirrorball video. “That gave everybody a bit of room,” he says. “James [Ford] definitely didn’t mind that I had something to play with.” During downtime, the band watched the Euros and nipped outdoors for kickabouts. “I do get caught up in those tournaments. Something about that feeling connects you to when you were a kid. You find yourself thinking about Euro 96. And then it ends, and you almost feel a bit mad for feeling like that.”

That proximity to yesteryear haunts the record, not least in the creeping jazz element, which evokes his jazz-musician dad’s records and saxophone noodlings in Turner’s childhood home. “It came out the front in Tranquility, and there’s definitely a bit more this time,” he says. “It’s one of those things that you try to fly quite close to without [crossing over]. That music you’re around when you’re a kid always has a special power.”

Strikingly, the more sentimentality creeps into the music, the less forthright emotion surfaces in Turner’s lyrics. I ask if he is equally withholding in private – does he find it harder, as he gets older, to tell people he loves them? He laughs. “No, no, I don’t think so. I like to think that outside songwriting, I find it more straightforward to be direct.” He is prone to embarrassment by lyrics from bygone years. Perhaps the more elemental style, with fewer obvious footholds, helps minimise the cringing? “I like the idea that I’m getting better at the … I sort of want to say distillation.” He handles the word cautiously. “I think I’m better at picking the moment to expose the idea behind the song. But you have to be comfortable with the idea that things don’t have to be a pop song.”

What has remained constant since the beginning, he says, “is the instinct of it all”. Even the meticulous experiments of Tranquility and The Car stem from his faith in his bloody-minded intuition. I remind him of something he said, aged 19, about the perils of fame: “When you want it and you get obsessive, you mould yourself to be whatever they want you to be.”

He laughs. “It’s a heck of a time to drop a quote from 2005, when we’re talking about stuff to be embarrassed about.” But he agrees Arctic Monkeys’ instincts and gang mentality insulated them from industry games and greed. “The name of the band seems to allude to how limited the expectations were,” he adds. “If you realised you were gonna be doing this 20 years later, you might’ve had another hour in that meeting.”

Fatalistic fans have already forecast the band’s demise based on the single’s valedictory lyrics, but while the album abounds with goodbyes, Turner seems full of optimism about the future. His bandmates are, too. “You can tell when they’re excited and when there’s that palpable indifference,” he says, grinning. Does he still get much of the latter? “Surely. Intermittently. I’m grateful for it sometimes.” He drifts off again with a dreamy look, zeroing in on the right turn of phrase. “Between the band and James Ford …” he begins, unhappy with the imperfect words he has found. “I can’t do it on my own, I guess is what I’m trying to say.”

#arctic monkeys #alex turner #the car #interview #SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS THE THING THAT HAS LEFT ME THE MOST INCOHERENT THIS ERA SO FAR #HE'S REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN EACH ERA AS ''THAT ALBUM'S PERFORMER''??????????????????????????????????????#WHEN HE SAID IT FOR THE FIRST TIME REFERRING TO THE BRITS SPEECH I THREW MY COMPUTER TO THE SIDE;#MY PHONE ON THE FLOOR;#STARTED PACING AROUND MY ROOM; AND STARTED CRYING #im not. i can't talk about anything that he said in this i need to sleep and then wake up in order to do so #soooooooooooo straightforward and honest. wincing about his past personas #OPENLY talkign about them??????? with THAT word????? performer??????w #IN THE THIRD PERSON?????????????????W

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ichorai · 3 years ago

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boxed in ; s.mg

requested by anon (40 + doctor au) for my milestone celebration !!

pairing ; doctor!mingi x underground boxer!reader (gender-neutral)

summary ; where mingi grows increasingly concerned for your health.

themes ; slight angst, pining, doctor au, boxer au

words ; 0.7k

warnings / includes ; descriptions of injury + mentions of blood, one curse word, alludes to illegal fighting, reader being kinda harsh to mingle :(, a lot of unspoken emotion here yikes talk about #emotional_constipation (no this isn't me self projecting what)

a/n ; this is another entry for the ficscafe au pairing event for number 48 !! also wrote this in one sitting again phew

masterlist.

There was a fine line between respect and admiration. One was distant, like the cold light of a star. The latter was bright and burning and ever so near; a sputtering flame held right beneath one’s nose.

Being a doctor, looking up to someone who fought for a living wasn’t exactly orthodox.

“It’s just… I worry about you,” Mingi murmured as gently as honey as he wrapped your split knuckles with gauze. “Maybe more than I should.”

The sound you winced out made Mingi’s heart clench, but he continued on nonetheless. The alcohol was bound to sting your wounds; and so was your body fated to dwindle away as you kept throwing yourself into dangerous underground fights. Though, he had to admit, your tenacity was a beautiful thing to behold.

You rolled your shoulders back and twisted with a groan to reach for your water bottle. Mingi stopped you halfway, shooting you a worried glance before grabbing it for you.

“Thanks,” your hoarse voice uttered before knocking your head back to take a swig. “Listen, pretty boy, we work together. Nothing more. You fix me up, I pay you for the service and to keep quiet. Got it?”

It felt as if something were lodged in his throat. With an uncomfortable swallow and the sting of rejection’s backhand buzzing on his skin, he nodded stiffly.

“Good, good,” you whispered. The silence the two of you lapsed in was one akin to sleeping on a bed of nails. “Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.”

“You pay me to take care of you!” Mingi interjected but immediately snapped his jaw back shut at your piercing glare.

With one last bandaid swept over a gash on your cheekbone, you were all set. At least this time there were no broken bones. Your doctor shook his head at the thought.

Mingi wasn’t quite sure what had spurred him into breaking the wordless atmosphere. “I went to your match last week.”

A bruised eyebrow raised at the statement. “Hm, did you? The one where his tooth came flying out or the one where her bones snapped like peanut brittle?”

Grimacing at your choice in description, Mingi hastily answered, “First one.”

Was it strange of him to wish to bottle your laughter? Capture the sound so he could hear it over and over again, a melody to soothe the worries rooted deep in his mind.

The smile remained on your face, even when you stopped chortling at the gruesome memory.

“Lots of blood that round,” you hummed.

“Used to it,” Mingi said, “I’m a doctor.”

There it was again. That damned laugh of yours.

“Well, I sure hope so!” you cackled and shoved a fist at his shoulder (to which he pretended definitely didn’t hurt), “I don’t pay you half a king’s ass every time my arm pops out its socket!”

His nose twitched. Again, he wasn’t a huge fan of your wording.

“Be more careful, will you?” The silver-headed doctor was hyper aware of the fact that he was done, his job was finished, and yet here you lingered, a strange smile curling at your lips. “I don’t like fixing you up only to know you’ll go and break yourself again.”

“Thanks for caring, stranger.” A part of him wished you hadn’t called him that. It was as if you were reminding not only him, but yourself that this was only a professional relationship. He wasn’t supposed to care一not really. “But I’m happy.”

His voice cracked as he mumbled softly, “Your happiness will be the death of you.”

There was a queer gleam in your eye as you stared at him quizzically. “Maybe. See you after the next fight, doc.”

A frown painted itself black and blue across his lips. You were saying that as if you knew you were going to get hurt. The doctor chewed on the inside of his cheek as he watched you mutedly gather your things before trudging out of the room (with a slight limp to your gait, don’t think Mingi hadn’t noticed), stopping by the doorway to flash him a mock salute.

Mingi tried his best to ignore the painful ache nestling in his ribcage at your departure.

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fruit-of-infidelity · 2 years ago

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// Thank you so, so much for the tag @dryams03 & @khaarl-i !!

I. Favorite Colour:

Purple!

II. Currently Reading:

I'm supposed to have read H. G. Wells' War of the Worlds, amongst other novels, for my English minor at university but... I haven't.

I suppose what I have last been reading was the manga for JJBA Stone Ocean, but that was a little while ago. I've been a lot more focused on other things besides reading lately. ><

III. Last Series:

Again, JJBA Stone Ocean. Still finishing it off as I didn't want to binge it all the moment the most recent batch came out >< Aside from that? Nothing of note as I don't really watch many television, nor Netflix, series. I'm a YouTube sort of person, lol.

IV: Last Movie:

I recently went and saw that new horror movie, Smile, with my mother! I enjoyed it, for a psychological(?) horror as far as its jumpscares and general plot went (and yippee for less audio-dependable spooks than a lot of other movies *cough cough* Conjuring *cough cough*)! I wasn't a big fan of the ending by any means, but it reminded me a lot of another horror by the name of Truth or Dare, actually!

V. Sweet, Spicy or Savory?

Ooh, I love all. I've really been into spicy foods lately, but I don't have a real preference for one over the other!

VI. Currently Working On?:

In between the mountain of university work? Phew, hold onto your hats, because this is gonna be a long list. This isn't in any particular order aside from Ryuuto's route being my first and foremost priority!:

i.) Ryuuto's Haunted Dark Bridal Route: This one, not only includes Ryuuto's route itself (with its unique scenarios, plot, AND tons of new art for him) but mini route scenarios for the other DiaBoys to tie Ryuuto into the universe more, to play a minor antagonist role in the other routes! I did plan on making into a playable route (and this is still a project I'd like to work on!), but that is for the future.

ii.) Various Ryuuto-related Drama CDs: I have a long list of scenarios I want to revolve some Drama CDs around for this blog! You can get a gist of some of the plots on the masterlist I have kicking about. These are just usually some fun in-between bigger projects ^^

iii.) Richter's Haunted Dark Bridal Route: This is one project that I'm not really in a rush to complete, but I'm hoping to get around to eventually. I have a really basic idea for it, but I wanted to give Richter some love too, with a route of his own where I can really see Ryuuto shine in the antagonistic role a little more!

iv.) A Richter Self-Insert blog: This has been on the back burner for a few months now, but I know the plot for a route, and have all the art I need for sprites already done. I have just been procrastinating doing the layout for the blog, before I promote it at all ><

v.) JoJo's OC + Self-Insert Blog: When I tell you that I have a WHOLE plot for a JoJo OC planned out? Omg. It features a self-insert too, but more on that in the next point. I just want a creative outlet for all my JoJo thoughts, with a fun OC to tell my own little spin-off JoJo story. Again, I have to figure out a layout, and do some art but that's something that will only get done in the holidays, I think!

vi.) Cosplays: In-between uni and tumblr stuff, I have recently gotten into cosplaying, and I have so many cosplays planned! I have a meetup this weekend, in fact. Recent plans, however, have been for my own self-made cosplay for JJBA's Polnareff and Hol Horse! I have what I need on the way, and have already been sewing a few things!

// I think that's mainly it, though! This was super fun to do! I'd like to tag so many people but I'll stick to only a few, but please do feel free to jump in if I don't mention you too! @mukami-kuron-mrsadisticcat , @sakamaki-richter , & @kindan-no-kanojo !!

#admin #tag game #(( if there are spelling mistakes.. no there arent :)

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hornime · 4 years ago

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hello hello!! happy 500 :D i’m a new follower and i’d like to request a pit stop (i’m pretty sure that’s the alphabet thing) with mr kenma pls and thank u <3

part of my 500 event! [CLOSED]

NSFW ALPHABET | KENMA KOZUME X GN!READER

warnings: 18+, timeskip!kenma, gn!reader, mentions of: filming, exhibitionism, choking, bondage, voyeurism, edging, roleplay

a/n: thank you for requesting!!!! this was super fun to write and i hope u enjoy <3

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

kenma’s competitive with himself, and that’s something that definitely carries into the bedroom. he’s analytical, so he’ll ask you questions that you really cannot take seriously after getting your brains fucked out like how many times did you cum? and on a scale from one to ten how good did that feel? although its not the traditional sort of aftercare, you know that he’s only doing it so he can make the experience better for the next time, and so far he hasn’t failed in doing so.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

himself: his fingers. he’s gotta use them for a lot of things: clicking the mouse while he’s gaming, signing business contracts, making you cream around them, sticking them down your throat, you know, day-to-day things. he looks at his hands with pride with the way they’re able to manipulate anything—especially you.

partner: your wrists. he loves the duality; when he’s holding your forearms above your head and thrusting into you mercilessly, he gets a sort of satisfaction in how limp your wrists go, your clenched fists drooping helplessly in his grasp. but he has reverence for their strength; when you’re choking him, fingers digging into his pulse points, he can’t help but focus on the way your wrist pushes down on his collarbone, the post-sex aches there simply reminders of how he fell to putty in your hands.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

would rather cum on you than inside. let’s face it, he was probably a hentai addict at some point and got hooked on the lewd way they showed backshots, facials, and the like. also a sucker for cumming in your mouth when you give him a blowjob and making you stick your tongue out before swallowing. put on a little show of licking your fingers or your lips and he’ll instantly get hard again.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

wants to fuck you while streaming. even after graduating high school, he’s not the tallest nor the strongest, and he’s constantly getting comments like how did he bag someone as hot as ‘em? or they’re probably just in it for the money on videos that he films with you. he’s not an idiot, he knows that even if he was the world’s hottest person there’d still be hate comments because that’s just how the internet works, but he really really wants to shut them all up by pausing his game and folding your body across his desk. there’s no way in hell he’d follow through with that though, because his career—and probably both of your lives—would be ruined, but he’s not opposed to making some faceless porn videos if you’re down for that kind of thing.

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

kenma kept to himself for most of his life, so while he didn’t really have hands-on experience, he did get a lot of knowledge from hentai and mangas and such (which really is a double-edged sword because no, not everyone’s nipples are that sensitive, but its fine). so he kinda had a lot of unrealistic expectations and not a lot of sexual encounters to disprove them. but when he blew up on twitch and youtube? phew this guy had people THROWING themselves at him. and so he did indulge a bit, ‘gained some xp’ and ‘leveled up’ as he’d say, before stumbling upon you.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

when you ride him and he’s sitting up so your chests are pressed together. kenma’s the type of person to see kissing as super intimate (yes, even more intimate than literally being inside you) so he loves this position because he can make out with you. he lives for those heated makeout sessions when you’re both moaning into each other’s mouths and nipping at each other’s lips. also likes the position where either you’re sitting with your back to his chest or vice versa and getting each other off.

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

i feel like he’d be pretty serious at first, in the early stages of your relationship, but as you got more comfortable, his dorkiness would shine through. like, this guy plays video games for a living, alright? he’s bound to make a few dumb references while you are ‘doing the dirty’, maybe let loose his killer wario impression when things get steamy.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i feel like kenma definitely dyed his pubes blonde as part of a prank at some point so that it matched his hair LMAO. and hygiene-wise, i mean, he still is a musty gamer boy except now he’s getting paid for it. so he probably didn’t take care of it at all before really settling down with a long-term partner (cough, you). now he keeps it trimmed (and he might dye it again for kicks).

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

i feel like it varies from situation to situation. depending on the mood and whatnot, he might really cling to the romance stuff and kiss you on the neck or forehead or murmur i love you, that kind of thing. other times, it might just be all about physical pleasure. it all chalks up to what kind of sex you guys are having, really.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

likes to be watched when masturbating. this pretty much goes hand-in-hand with his fantasy of railing you while streaming, but he’s a fan of either having you sit in front of him and boss him around while he’s jerking off or recording himself. also he might have posted a couple of the videos he films for you to a brand new account on twitter, accidentally blew up, and caused the hashtag #isthiskodzuken to trend for a couple weeks... oops.

k = kink (one or more of their kinks)

filming/voyeurism: kenma spends all his time in front of cameras, and that part of his life is just part of his sexual preferences now. would almost always be down to film a sex tape. when you guys are separated because of work or whatever, your messages are just lewd pictures and snippets back and forth. its really fucking with your data plan.

roleplay: he has an active imagination—need i say more? he’s constantly coming up with scenarios in his head and he’s definitely bought you a sexy cosplay costume on multiple occasions. i can’t see him into anything too intense like ddlg but i’m sure there’s some more milder stuff sprinkled within his sex life.

edging + bondage combo: when he’s subbing, kenma’s definitely the type who wants to relinquish all control. he just wants you to do whatever you want to him and tease him until he’s crying and begging to cum. will squirm a lot, which will eventually prompt you to tie his hands behind his back, which he realizes he likes a lot more than he thought he would.

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

his office (feeds into his boss/employee fantasy) and in the bedroom, but just not on the bed (on his desk, at his gaming chair). the bed is for the more lovey-dovey sex.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

this is oddly specific, but i feel like he’s the kind of guy that’ll get really hard if you massage his hair, lull him into a false sense of security, and then wrap your hand around his neck. the moment you squeeze, his face’ll go red and the blood goes rushing to his dick.

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

threesomes or sex with other people watching. although he might be an exhibitionist, he’s pretty hesitant when it comes to actually being that vulnerable for another person. there’s a fine line between the thrill of possibly doing it with other people and then the reality of actually doing it with other people and its a line that he most likely will not cross. after all, even though he’s more extroverted than he used to be, sex is still something you still had to coax him out of his shell for.

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

giving (50%): he likes the ego boost that comes with making you cum with just his mouth and, since he keeps note of the kinds of things that really get you over the edge, he’s constantly getting better at it. likes fingering even more, though, so he’ll almost always have his fingers in your hole while he does it.

receiving (50%): loves getting blowjobs while he’s gaming and his headset mic is on (exhibitionist, cough cough). his favorite time to get oral is when you’ve got him tied to a chair and are taking your own sweet time, daring him to cum at the frustratingly slow pace you’re going.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

regardless of the scene, he goes relatively slow. likes savoring the moment and likes seeing your reactions to each of his individual movements even more so he wouldn’t like rushing things.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

honestly, not a fan of them. he gets really flustered after sex, like red-face-and-heavy-breathing-and-messy-hair kind of flustered, so he sucks at composing himself. the last thing he wants is for his stakeholders to realize he got the soul sucked out of him from the burning blush on his cheeks, therefore he like sex when he can take his time with it.

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

will be down to experiment if you’re clear about it. open communication is a big one for taking steps in sex because he’s not the best at reading people. so as long as you explain what exactly you want to do, sure, he’ll try it.

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

not more than a couple rounds, but they will be excruciatingly long. he’ll make you cum multiple times before he takes care of himself just because he loves seeing your expression when you finish. but once he cums, there’s not much going to happen after that. baby burns out fast.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he loves ‘em and uses them at any given opportunity. he’s still a bit lazy, but does it really matter when he can just buy something to make you both feel good with minimal effort? after all, he has the money. kenma always has the latest ‘gadgets’; in fact, there’s an entire box of toys in his closet. his favorite would have to be the app-controlled vibrator—he loves using it on you as much as he loves you using it on him.

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

as much as he likes making you cum, he likes seeing your face and hearing your noises more. so yes, he’s a teaser. he just loves how receptive you get when you’re begging him to touch you more, to fuck you faster, that he can’t help but drag things out longer than necessary. it’s really your fault that he does it, at least, that’s what he tells you.

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

loud, loud, LOUD. kenma whimpers and his moans usually get higher-pitched the closer he gets to his orgasm. when he’s busy focusing with you, though, all that’s pouring out of his mouth is absolute filth, talking about how sexy you look and how good you’re taking him. might degrade you here and there when he sees how easy it is for you to finish with him just using his fingers—he can’t help it.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he has the money and the inability to take life too seriously, so yeah, he’s ordered a silicone mold of your genitalia, whether its your pussy or your cock. its embarrassingly useful when he goes on business trips and its the one thing he never forgets to pack (he forgot his passport once but you bet he had his custom sex toy tucked safely in his luggage like the crazy bastard he is). got you a dildo in the shape of his dick for your birthday so he wouldn’t feel as weird about it.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

six and a half inches, slight curve to the left, and for lack of a better word, pretty. it sits prettily in your palm, has a pretty pink shade on the tip, and overall always leaves you satisfied. for what he can’t do with his cock, he has plenty of toys to compensate anyway.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he was pretty conservative about it at first, but once you gave him a taste of his desires and some of your own, he was hooked. what started as taking out his frustrations after a particular bad game became compounded with rewards after a particularly good game, and now he thinks of sex as a good luck charm before he even turns on his pc. so yeah, you got a pretty needy guy on your hands.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he’s out almost immediately. he puts a lot of effort into fucking you well, and i mean, he doesn’t have the best stamina despite years of volleyball. basically the pleasure goes straight into his brain, electrifies his nerves for a solid couple hours, and then the moment he cums it all just shuts down. if you make him drink some monster you’ll probably be able to fix the circuit board and get him started up again.

#haikyuu smut #haikyuu! smut #hq smut #kenma smut #kenma kozume #kozume kenma #kenma x reader #kenma x you #kenma #inky.500 #inky.responds #kinky.inky

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years ago

Text

Hero | Luke Patterson

Add yourself to my taglist! | Here’s my masterlist!

Song Fic February Week 4: Musicals

Inspiration: StarStruck (DCOM)

Requested: Yes/No

A/N: Anon suggested doing something with the Starstruck soundtrack, so I’m writing a whole-ass series. This is based off the plot of Starstruck but the reader was a fan of JATP until she met Luke... Basically crush to enemies to lovers! Also a modern!au.

The third installment of the StarStruck series!

StarStruck

Something About The Sunshine

Hero

What You Mean To Me

Pairing: Luke x Fem!reader

Song(s) used: Hero - Christopher Wilde (StarStruck ST)

Warnings: few swear words, mention of car accidents, mention of child abuse, mention of postnatal depression, tiny bit of angst

Words: 8.6K

I’m almost nervous to see him again. There’s a nervous flutter erupting from the pit of my stomach and I feel hot and sweaty when it’s not even that warm out. The boy didn’t have that effect on me just a day ago and now he suddenly does? I hate this.

“Morning,” I greet when I find Luke standing outside the coffee shop with his hood pulled far over his head and sunglasses covering his beautiful eyes. He shoots me a smile, but I don’t think he actually looks at me. Right, the whole “I can’t be seen with you”-thing.

“Want to go grab some coffee before we go?” I ask instead, pointing at the shop.

Luke nods his head and follows me inside where we wait in line together. The silence that hangs over us is uncomfortable for the first time. I don’t know why but his mysterious, secretive antics are making me nervous.

“Next!” the barista calls and the two of us step forward. The twenty-something woman shoots the both of us a polite smile, not even acknowledging that Luke’s keeping his head low. This is L.A., she’s probably used to it by now. “What can I get for ya?”

“An iced vanilla latte for me, please,” I say and then glance down at Luke.

He coughs. “Iced caramel macchiato.” His voice is low, just above a whisper, as though he’s telling the barista and me a secret. I’m glad we’re going to be out of the city soon, so Luke can go back to his regular self. Or to the singing-on-top-of-a-car-in-the-middle-of-nowhere self.

“What’s your name, please?”

“Y/N…” My eyes land on Luke for a split second, and I’m pretty sure he’s not even going to answer. Luke’s a pretty generic name, I’m sure people won’t even bother to look up. “Put my name on both, please.”

The barista smiles and then dashes off after I paid to start making our coffees while we shuffle towards the end of the counter, ready to take our drinks when they’re ready. Luke keeps his head down. He doesn’t even look up at me and the awkward silence doesn’t eb away.

“You’re not gonna talk to me yet, are you?” I ask him as I hand him one of the two straws I picked up. He shakes his head. I try my hardest not to groan and instead, hand him the keys to my car. “Here, get yourself settled in my car, I’ll handle this.”

His eyes peer over the rim of his sunglasses, flickering with uncertainty and gratefulness at the same time. I shoot him a smile, urging him to get out of here, which he does with a quick flash of his teeth.

The awkwardness quickly washes off me when he’s left the coffee shop and I’m all alone, hoping everything would change once we’re all alone, away from the prying eyes of Los Angeles’ residents.

“Iced vanilla latte and iced caramel macchiato for y/n,” the barista calls and places the cups on the counter in front of me.

I smile at her, say, “Thank you! Bye!” and then dart out of the coffee shop as fast as I could. I weave my way through hasty people and slacking tourists towards my Toyota Yaris where a hooded boy sits in my passenger seat. He still has his hood pulled up and his sunglasses balancing on the bridge of his nose. He almost looks sad, which makes me a little sad too. I wish I could do more than let him wait in my car.

“Here you go,” I say and hand him his coffee when I’ve settled into my seat.

“Thank you,” he mutters, and I’m pretty sure it’s not just for the beverage.

A smile etches its way to my cheeks as I regard him. “You’re welcome,” I say and then start the engine. As I pull out of the parking lot, Luke finally sparks up a conversation. I’m almost relieved to hear his voice again for more than two words.

“Where’re we going?” he asks.

I debate telling him but then decide I’d do it anyway. I’ve been researching a lot last night and have found the greatest secluded spots and the time slots when they’re mostly deserted or have the least visitors. The one I wanted to take him to today was a lot closer than the other ones, so I figured we could start with that.

“The Old L.A. Zoo. It’s less crowded before 9am, so I figured we could go explore it a bit until too many people arrive?” The statement comes out of my mouth as a question since I’m unsure whether or not he’d like that.

“Cool,” he replies, and he sounds honest, too. “I don’t think I’ve ever been there.”

It surprises me a little, but I go with it anyway. “Really? I’ve been there plenty of times! It’s really cool! Kinda spooky.” Luke lets out an airy laugh at that and it makes my heart flutter a little.

Within ten minutes, we arrive at the old zoo. Ten minutes had gone by and yet it felt like a split second. The conversation ran fluently on our way there and Luke told me things about the band and his childhood that not even the biggest fangirl on earth could possibly know. I love talking to Luke about those seemingly uninteresting, small things.

The rest of the morning, too, goes by as if there’s no concept of time whatsoever. The two of us walk through the old, abandoned zoo and explore every single old habitat. I even find a website that tells us the entire history of each section of the zoo and as I read it, Luke listens and adds in his own commentary. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed this much in just a few hours. This guy is genuinely funny and I just adore talking to him. Our conversations go from the ridiculous to the serious, and every subject in between.

It’s just the perfect day that I wish would never end, but inevitably, Luke has his own responsibilities and has to go by lunch time.

“Hey, why don’t you come with me to the studio?” he asks with a smile as we’re making our way back to the car. “I’m in there all by myself, aside from our producer, and I’m recording a few songs.”

I open and close my mouth a few times, letting incomprehensible sounds roll out. It makes me look like a dumbfounded fish, I’m sure, but I don’t care. My brain is dysfunctioning for a moment. Luke Patterson is asking me to come to the studio with him. To watch him record some songs. Songs that are going to be on the album.

Luke’s laugh makes the gears in my brain fall back into place. “Is that a yes?” he asks.

A heat rises up to my cheeks. “Yeah,” I finally manage.

“Cool,” he says and then gets into the car.

The ride to the studio is filled with smooth conversation. We never miss a beat, there’s never an awkward silence between the two of us. Only when we arrive at the recording studio and we’re met with a huddle of paparazzi outside the door.

“Fuck,” he mutters and ducks down. I do the same, knowing he doesn’t want me to be seen with him either. “Drive around back,” he orders before fumbling into the glove compartment of my car. He retrieves a pair of sunglasses I kept there, along with a shawl of my mother’s that I didn’t know was still in there. “Put this on.”

“No,” I reply sternly, pushing his hand with the shawl away. I do take the sunglasses from his hand though, and push them onto my nose. “Put that shawl away,” I bark. The boy obeys and stuffs the piece of cursed fabric back where it came from.

Mental note: throw that out.

When we finally do get into the recording studio, as soon as I’m on Luke’s side, he grabs my hand and drags me into the building before anyone could ever spot us. I nearly stumble on my own feet, but quickly pick myself back up before I faceplant the floor.

Luke huffs. “Phew, that was close.”

He looks at me, and for a second, I think he might bring up the shawl again, but he doesn’t and instead turns to his producer, who had gotten up from his swivel chair the second we burst in.

“Connor!” Luke greets excitedly and shakes the man’s hand.

He looks near his thirties, strong built with flawless dark skin and a full head of afro hair. Combined with his extremely savvy outfit, I find him really cool-looking. He’s the kind of guy that would get all the girls in high school while still being a sweetheart.

“You brought some new flesh, I see,” Connor says to me and outstretches his hand for me to shake. I do so with a wide smile on my face while pretending not to be completely nervous about being in a recording studio for the first time.

“Y/N,” I introduce myself.

“Welcome to our little slice of heaven on earth, y/n.” My eyes flick to Luke, who’s giving me that look again, so I quickly turn back to Connor. “Any knowledge of recording studios, y/n?” he asks.

“Never been in one, but my friend is a producer and he did teach me some things.”

I hear Luke huff beside me. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, there’s a lot you don’t know.” I shoot him a wink as Connor beckons me towards his deck. For a while, Connor guides me through his paces while Luke gives the best of himself on this song.

After a few takes, Luke comes out of the booth and joins me and Connor to listen to what we’d recorded thus far. “What if –” I pause, debating my thoughts. “What if we go in with some soft backing vocals on here?” I click the part of the chorus we’d recorded and sing along with recorded Luke.

“'Cause I I can be everything you need If you're the one for me Like gravity I'll be unstoppable I, yeah, I believe in destiny I may be an ordinary guy With heart and soul But if your the one for me Then I'll be your hero”

“I think if you put Julie on those backings, it could give that duet-vibe you guys are so good at.” I notice Connor and Luke glance at each other, soft smiles playing on both their lips.

“Why don’t you show us?” Connor asks as Luke already grabs my hand.

“What?! Me? No! Julie.”

Luke chuckles and drags me into the booth with him. “Yeah, but we’re gonna need a demo, don’t we?” He delicately places a set of headphones on my head before placing one on his own. He signals to Connor and no later than 2 seconds, the instrumental version of the song blasts through the headphones.

Gazing at me, Luke starts singing the first verse of the song, and I let him. It almost feels like he’s serenading me. Almost. All that’s missing is a guitar or a boombox over his head.

“I'm no superman I can't take your hand And fly you anywhere you want to go Yeah I can't read your mind Like a billboard sign And tell you everything you want to hear But I'll be your hero”

From the chorus onwards, I jump in with backing vocals wherever I feel like it’s acceptable without taking my eyes off of Luke.

“I I can be everything you need If you're the one for me Like gravity I'll be unstoppable I, yeah, I believe in destiny I may be an ordinary guy With heart and soul But if you're the one for me Then I'll be your hero”

“Could you be the one Could you be the one for me” “Oh I'll be your hero” “Could you be the one Could you be the one for me” “Yeah I'll be your hero”

“So incredible Some kind of miracle That's what it's meant to be I'll become a hero So I wait, wait, wait, wait for you”

We keep our eyes locked at the high note too, smiles plastered on our faces from ear to ear. Singing with Luke gives me some kinda rush. A feeling I can’t quite describe but it’s a feeling I want to feel more often.

“Yeah, I'll be your hero Yeah”

“Cause I I can be everything you need If you're the one for me Like gravity I'll be unstoppable I, Yeah, I believe in destiny I may be an ordinary guy with and soul But if you're the one for me I'll be your hero”

“Yeah, I'll be your hero”

“Could you be the one Could you be the one for me”

“Yeah I'll be your hero”

The music fades out in our headphones, and soon, Connor’s applause sounds through it instead. I’m snapped back into reality, away from cloud 9, away from the pure bliss that’s singing with Luke and gazing into his eyes.

“That was amazing! Good job, guys!” Connor says, beaming.

Luke and I remove our headphones and he grabs my hand to lead me back to the decks where Connor welcomes us with open arms and a wide smile.

“I thought you and Julie were the most watchable duetters, but I’ve been proven wrong.”

I feel the heat rise to my cheeks before Luke snaps me out of it again.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Con. Can you send the finished product to the band and our manager? I’m sure they’d like to hear this. Don’t tell them who’s on backing vocals, though. They don’t need to know that.”

I swallow a lump in my throat and try to convince myself it’s probably not that deep. Luke doesn’t want to be seen with me. Not even by his band mates. It’s fine. It’s totally fine.

We wrap up the recording session and I drive Luke back to the coffee shop where he looks behind him and out of every single one of the windows, just to be sure the coast is clear of paparazzi.

“Thanks for the day, y/n. I really enjoyed spending time with you again.”

I force a smile. Ever since his statement to Connor about not wanting the band to know about me, I’ve been going over everything in my mind and it has caused me to fold in on myself.

“Yeah, it was fun.”

He gazes at me for a moment, inspecting every inch of my face as if detecting the lie from my eyes. When I think he’s just going to bid his goodbyes and get out, he doesn’t. Instead, he turns his body to me and reaches for his phone. I watch as he unlocks it and taps away on it before turning the device towards me. There’s a new contact form open on his screen.

“Gimme your number. I’d love to do this again some day.”

I furrow my brow while taking the phone in my hands. “Do you even have time to spend days with a nobody like me?” I don’t dare look at him and keep my eyes on the screen as I type my name and number.

He doesn’t say anything either until I finally cave and look up when giving his phone back. There’s a crease in his forehead as his eyebrows are knitted together in confusion.

“You’re not a nobody, y/n. I’d gladly make time for you. I told you, I loved spending days away from reality. Especially with you.” Fangirl Me is jumping out of my skin while Present Me tries to keep her cool and ignore all of the butterflies that erupt in her stomach.

“Cool,” Present Me says out loud while Fangirl Me is scolding her so hard.

Cool? Cool?! Seriously? Dude.

“I’ll text you, yeah?”

I nod my head in response and watch as he gets out of my car. Before I can even place my foot on the gas or shift out of park, my phone beeps in the pocket of my sweater. For the first time in forever, I smile when seeing an unknown number on my screen.

As I look out of my window, I find Luke looking at me with his hood pulled over his head again. He shoots me a quick smile and a wave before I turn to my phone again and type a reply.

I whip my head up to see his reaction. His jaw drops before his face turns into a scowl as he glares at me. Giggling and satisfied with the reaction, I place my phone on the passenger’s seat where Luke was sitting before and then pull out of the parking spot.

That night, I save Luke’s number to my phone. I go between “Luke P.”, “Patterson” and “Luke ❤️” but eventually decide on the funnier option and save him as “Poo Musician 💩”.

I stand in line at the coffee shop before 8:30 that morning and I’m a little nervous. Last night when I returned from my day with Luke, the two of us had been texting back and forth. I felt like a sixteen year old again. One of those giggly teenagers that’s texting their crush. Which is what I was, but it’s been a while since I felt like it.

Once I have an iced vanilla latte and an iced caramel macchiato, I head outside where I find a boy waiting by my car. He’s wearing a sleeveless shirt paired with a bright blue sleeveless sweater, his hood pulled far over his head so his face is hidden from prying eyes.

I don’t need to see his face to know it’s Luke. I’d recognize those muscles from a mile away. The way he’s leaning against the hood of my car and the way he’s holding his phone is a dead giveaway too.

“Your coffee, sir,” I say in a serious, deep voice.

Luke’s head snaps up, eyes wide. He looks like a deer caught in headlights until he notices it’s just me and relaxes. A smile etches onto his face as he tucks his phone into the pocket of his jeans whilst taking the coffee I ordered for him with his other hand.

He takes a cautious sip from the beverage. “Hm, Caramel Macchiato, someone’s been stalking me.” I know he’s just teasing, I can tell by the way one corner of his mouth curls up and his eyes have that childlike glint in them.

Making my way to the driver’s side of my car, I smile and say, “Contrary to popular belief, Patterson, I’m not a stalker. I just remembered your order from yesterday.”

Luke’s smile tells me something I’d rather not think about. It��s like he’s saying “You remembered my order” in that flirty way only he knows how to. I simply shrug before opening my door and getting in with Luke following my example. Without missing a beat, he fishes my phone from between my fingers and grabs my free hand to use my thumb to unlock my phone. This time, I don’t object and let him. I know that it’s just to get to my music app anyway.

While Journey’s Anyway You Want It plays through the car’s speakers, I pull out of the parking spot in front of the coffee shop and start driving to the next location I’d found during my research the other night.

“Where’re we going?” he asks, and I flashback to yesterday when he asked me the exact same question in that exact same way.

I smile as I place my cup in the cupholder between the two of us. “You’ll see.” I glance over, finding him tilting his head slightly and giving me that ‘Really?’ look. “I promise it’s very secluded and not a lot of people will be there.”

“Cool,” he says and sips. “Is this where you’re going to kidnap me and hold me for ransom? I bet you could get a lot of money for a Julie and The Phantoms band member.”

I snort at his remark. “How much do you think I could get for you?”

He scrunches up his nose in thought, which I catch as I take a quick glance at him again. As I face the road again, I reach for my coffee and take a quick sip, awaiting Luke’s response to my question.

“Like 10k?”

I nearly spit out my coffee. “10k?!” I screech, and his laugh thunders through my car. “Careful or I’ll actually kidnap you and hold you for ransom if I’m gonna earn that much.”

The laughter dies down and after a few moments of silence lingering in the air, Luke says, “How much do you think I’m worth?”

Without missing a beat, I respond to his question, dead serious. “Not even a dollar.”

Luke gasps, his mouth dropping in absolute disbelief while I can’t help but cackle loudly. Judging from this conversation alone, I’m positive today will be a good day. A good, fun day.

“I’m worth more than a dollar, right?”

“No, you’re right, I’d probably ask like a million and then no one will pay the ransom and you’ll have to stay with me for the rest of your life.”

I let out my best maniacal laughter as I feel him watch me. I know the exact look he’s giving me. The look. The one with the glistening eyes and the slightly turned up lips. The one all girls and gays swoon for. The one I would swoon for if I’d turn my head right now. But I don’t. For once in my life, I’m smart and keep my eyes on the road.

“You like me,” he states proudly.

“Slightly less strong dislike.” I’m lying through my teeth, but I’m hoping Luke won’t notice. Or at least not acknowledge it because I can already feel the heat rising to my cheeks.

“I’ll take it.”

He reaches forward and turns the volume up as Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” floats through the speakers. Very loudly, and very obnoxiously, the boy begins to sing along. If it wasn’t for the velvet smooth voice, I would’ve scolded at him to keep it down. But the sound actually makes my toes curl and my stomach flutter. For a verse, I let him sing by himself while I enjoy his performance but by the chorus, I can’t withhold myself and sing along with him.

The rest of the ride is filled with belting of the road trip tunes, laced with patches of small talk. It’s the perfect car ride, and before we know it, we’ve arrived at our destination. Santa Fe Dam Recreation Area. The parking lot is practically empty, aside from two cars, which I’m assuming are the staff’s. It’s the perfect indication that I picked the right spot to go to, and I can tell Luke knows it too.

He’s bouncing in his seat, either from excitement or the amount of sugar that was in his iced coffee, and when I turn off the ignition and turn to him, he looks at me with the widest smile plastered on his face. He almost looks like an excited toddler on Christmas morning, ready to open his presents.

“I came here once with my parents when I was younger,” he tells me, “I love this place.”

His confession makes me smile. “Good because I’ve been scouring the internet for the perfect place.” He shoots me the look again. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re going to kiss me.”

He shrugs, “Maybe I want to.”

“So you want me to slap you?”

His smile fades away immediately. “Let’s go,” he grumbles and quickly gets out.

I heave in a deep breath, recollecting myself before getting out too and retrieving the backpack I brought, filled with stuff for today. Including my itinerary – or just a notebook filled with some ideas I had.

“How about we start with a bike ride across the park?” I suggest, pointing at the bike rental shop I found on Google the other night.

We walk into the rental place, expecting there to be bikes upon bikes but instead, we’re met with kayaks, pedal boats and go-karts. My eyebrows furrow, creasing my forehead as I look around the space. Why’s this called a bike rental when there are technically no bikes to rent? No actual bikes.

“I thought we were going for a bike ride?” Luke says, teasingly. I look up at him, and I think my face tells him enough about my knowledge about this place. My research clearly wasn’t sufficient.

Deciding to just roll with the circumstances, I roll my shoulders back and put a smile on my face. “Yeah, we’re going on a bike ride with one of these!” I say and point to the large, green go-kart. One of those that look like an old-school car at the front and have children’s seats in front of the terribly cushioned seats for adults. The ones with the small plastic wheel and bike pedals for two adults. I remember going on one of those big ones for six people with my family.

“You’re serious?” Luke asks, his eyes wide.

Instead of answering, I shoot him a smile before stepping forwards towards the staff member at the counter. The woman behind the counter looks no older than 45 and has long, billowing blonde locks that cascade down her shoulders. Her bright blue piercing eyes glisten as they land on the two of us, clearly glad she sees some customers so early in the day.

“Good morning,” she greets with a smile, “We open in half an hour.”

“Oh…” My research has been poor.

Before I can possibly think of an answer, Luke steps forward and flashes the woman a smile. I’m not sure if he’s going to use his manly charms or if he’s going to pull the “Don’t you know who I am?” card.

“Can’t you… make an exception for us?” he asks, leaning his elbow on the counter as he looks at the woman through his lashes. The woman looks up at Luke, her face like stone. She doesn’t recognize him and doesn’t fall for his charms either.

Shaking my head, I spring into action. I quickly change the ring on my index finger to my ring finger and wrap my arm around Luke’s bicep while the other rests on his chest, making sure the ring is as visible as can be. As I flutter my eyelashes at the woman, I let the words tumble out of my mouth.

“Please, ma’am? It’s our one year engagement anniversary and he was going to take me on this romantic bike ride….” I then lean forward over the counter. “He’s not very good at researching our dates, but he tries.”

The woman’s eyebrows knit together as her eyes dart from me to Luke and back.

“Aren’t you guys a little young to be engaged?”

Luke jumps into the improvisation spot. “We’ve been told that a lot but we’ve been best friends for years and there’s no one I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.” He looks down at me and when I glance up, too, he kisses the tip of my nose, which I then scrunch.

I ignore the flutters in my stomach and face the woman again. She seems to have softened, her eyes less icy than it was before. Then, she turns to her computer and clicks through a few browsers before facing us again.

“What do you guys want? The Surrey?” She points to the green bike-thing at the front of the shop. I nod my head in response. “Okay. You’ve got it for two hours for the price of one hour.”

A smile etches its way to my face. “That’s perfect, thank you.”

Luke pays the woman the rental fee and then she helps us get Surrey out of the garage. After bidding our goodbyes, Luke and I pedal off on the bike.

“One year engagement, really?” Luke asks me when we’re far enough from the rental and I switch my rings back around.

“Well, whatever you were doing didn’t work.”

He scoffs. “It was working.”

We pedal down the winding road with the wind blowing through our hair. I love how warm the breeze is and how the birds are chirping in the trees around us. This is the perfect day to go out and do this.

“What exactly were you planning to do?” I ask him, glancing up at him. He’s focusing on the road ahead of us, a comfortable smile resting on his lips while his eyes flick from one side to another, taking everything in.

He glances down at me, the smile turning into a smirk. “I was going to charm her with my manly wiles.”

“And how was that working for ya?”

For a second, we lock eyes. Luke has an annoyed look on his face while I can’t help but have my lips curl up on one side into a smirk. When he whips his head forward again, I notice the slight tint of pink covering his cheeks.

Did I just make Luke Patterson blush?

“So,” he coughs. “Whatcha wanna do?”

I shrug. “We could play twenty questions? Get to know each other better.”

He nods his head in response. “You wanna start?”

“That’s your first question?”

“That’s yours?”

I press my lips together, shutting myself up for just a moment before recomposing myself. I’m not going to lie, I totally Googled some questions to ask in a game of 20 questions. So, I’m prepared.

“If you had to be trapped on a deserted island with one of your friends, who would you pick and why?” Luke’s eyes widen at the question a little.

“Woah, straight in! I thought you were gonna start with ‘favorite color’ or something.” He chuckles lightly, and so do I. “Uhm… Not Alex, he’d probably be super anxious and pace all the way across the island and make me nervous. Not Reggie either, he’d be singing country songs the entire time, though he is a great cuddler. Maybe Julie? Though she’s gonna be miserable without Flynn….”

With every thought he says out loud, my smile grows bigger and bigger.

“You?” My heart leaps in my chest at his answer. “Yeah, I like spending time with you and what better place to get away from real life than a deserted island, right?”

Without missing a beat, the next words pour out of my mouth. “It’s cute how you think we’re friends now.” I surprise myself with the words I speak. We are friends, but I like winding him up into thinking we’re not.

“Friends who wanna kiss each other.”

Ignoring the heat rising to my cheeks, I reply, “You mean kill?”

Luke shakes his head, an amused smile on his face. “When are you going to admit that you like me?”

“Never – Next question.”

“Uhm… What was the last thing you stole or shoplifted?” he asks and I’m glad he doesn’t push any further on the fact I basically admitted that I like him.

“Oh! A magnet in a tourist shop in Lanzarote,” I reply, giggling a little at the memory. “I was there with a couple of friends during Spring Break and those magnets cost way too much for what they are and there was like a rack outside the shop. So, I shoplifted an overpriced Lanzarote magnet.”

Luke throws his head back as he laughs, nearly steering us into the bushes. “That’s amazing,” he cackles.

We cruise through the entire park for two entire hours, asking each other questions, and after returning the Surrey, we walk towards the lake where we settle down onto the blanket I brought for some food. I’d prepared an entire picnic basket for us to enjoy during our lunch.

“I find it very cute that you made an entire picnic basket for our first date.”

I smile. “I find it very cute that you think this is a date.”

He gives me the look again, but I ignore it and get every piece of food out of my backpack, sprawling it out around us. Sandwiches, chopped up vegetables and fruits, muffins,... All the delicious foods you’d find in a picnic.

“Tell me more about your childhood,” Luke then says as he takes a chicken sandwich and takes a bite. “You don’t talk about it much.”

My heart drops into my stomach. I wish he wouldn’t ask about that. Talking about my childhood means talking about my mother and I’ve been trying to avoid that for the past years. Not that many of my friends even know about that.

“I told you plenty.”

“You talked about your teenage years, but never about your childhood.”

I take a deep breath. He’s not going to shut up about this until I tell him. It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s just that I don’t love talking about what happened with my mother. It’s something I’d much rather forget.

“There’s a reason for that,” I reply pointedly and then shut myself up by taking a sip from the box of orange juice. I’d packed one for the both of us, but I’m the only one who’s opened it already as Luke had gone straight in with the sandwiches.

Luke stares at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue. His eyes pierce through my soul and give me a sense of comfort. They lift a weight of my shoulders and chest that I hadn’t even noticed were there. His eyes feel like coming home. Comfortable. A place to relax. A place to be me, be myself.

I heave in a deep breath and place my juice box on my nervously bouncing knee, holding it with my hand. It doesn’t stop the bouncing, so now my whole body is practically shaking along with the movement.

“I–” I stop myself, reconsidering my words. “My childhood wasn’t the sunshine and roses it’s supposed to be.” I chuckle nervously and when I meet Luke’s eyes again, they’re looking at me with such intent that I almost launch forward and kiss him. But I don’t.

“Mom was… difficult to live with…” I start cautiously, not even daring to look at Luke as I speak and keep my eyes on the still lake in front of us. “She uhm… After I was born, she kinda went into postnatal depression. She didn’t take care of me, she barely even looked at me… At one point, it went so far that she got into an accident, on purpose, with me in the back. She did it a few times, even, to the point where dad just had to report it. She was admitted to the psych ward and that was that... I was ten at the time.” I swallow to hold back the tears that are pricking behind my eyes.

Feeling a soft brush of the hand on my knee, I glance up, meeting Luke’s eyes. They give me that sense of comfort again, that sense of home, the reassurance that I’m okay.

“We haven’t really seen her since. She’s out of our lives…” I sniffle and place my hand over Luke’s, giving it a thankful squeeze. “I don’t like talking about it.”

Luke carefully laces his fingers through mine, his cold rings cooling my warm hand. “I’m sorry I brought it up.” I shrug dismissively. “But thank you for telling me.”

“So, tell me,” I lift our entwined hands for a second as though pulling us back into reality. “How did Sunset Curve-slash-Julie and The Phantoms came to be?”

Luke chuckles before engulfing our locked hands with his other and tumbling into the origin story of the bands he was in. He talks about meeting Reggie and Alex in primary school, and then meeting Bobby in middle school. He explains how they started the band in music class and then continued playing together until Bobby moved away from Los Angeles. The story then lapses into giggles and chuckles about all the things they tried to keep Sunset Curve alive, but terribly failed.

“But then we met Julie in high school and – the rest is history.”

We’re clearing up our mess before making our way back towards the car. I love hearing Luke talk, especially about the band. It makes his eyes light up and he gets all bouncy and enthusiastic. It’s the cutest side of Luke I ever did see in the past few days of hanging out with him.

I take one last look at the lake where tiny dots of humans are floating along on the lake in their tiny boats. There are just a few, so nothing to worry about, but it does make me want to go kayaking too. Mostly because I don’t want the day to end.

“Wanna go kayaking?” I ask Luke, pulling him to a halt by tugging at our still intertwined hands. His eyes dart from mine to the lake and back. I can tell he’s debating it, but then he nods and a smile appears on his face.

With our hands intertwined, we go back to the rental place and ask the woman for a double kayak. We pay, put on the safety vests she’s given us and then proceed onto the water. As we pedal along, Luke tells me about all the adventures he’s been on with his friends and how he used to do this all the time before his schedule got so crazy.

Every now and again, he stops and pretends to tip the kayak, making me squeal each and every time whilst he laughs his most maniacal laugh.

The wall I’d built around my heart was slowly crumbling. Every laugh, every touch, every glance took away a small part of the brick wall. I’m falling in love with the boy I’d had a crush on and then strongly disliked for a good five-ish days.

Getting distracted was not a good idea as I’m not prepared for what follows next. Luke pretends to tip it over again, but this time, he wobbles too hard and actually makes the boat topple overhead. I squeal, but quickly shut my mouth as I tumble into the water, making sure not too much of the lake’s contents gets into my body.

“Patterson!” I scowl as I crash the surface again and find Luke laughing a few feet away. His brown, shaggy hair sticks to his head, dripping small drops of water onto his face. If I wasn’t so angry at him, I would definitely kiss him right here, right now.

“I hate you!” I splash some water at him as the words roll off my lips. Luke’s laughter abruptly stops and he stares at me. His once glistening eyes dull down while his mouth falters into a frown.

“You do?”

My face softens as I watch him. He looks so beautiful with his hair all dishevelled and the reflection of the sun on the water mirroring onto his face. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad.

I swim closer towards him and stroke his wet hair out of his face. My breath hitches in my throat at how close we are but I try to play it off by keeping my hands on his face and my eyes locked with his. I notice his eyes flicking down to my lips a few times, telling me he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him.

Should I? Full throttle? Or step on the brakes?

I don’t even get the time to think about it as Luke presses his lips to mine. Now I don’t hesitate a single moment and immediately kiss him back. Sliding my hands into his wet locks and pressing my body as close as I can, I melt entirely into him. The same sense of bliss I have when singing with Luke washes over me and I find myself on cloud 9 again.

We pull back after a moment to catch our breath. The glint in his eyes is back and his mouth, though a little swollen and red, curls up into a smile. He presses one more kiss to my nose before helping me towards the shore. We climb out of the water and bring the boat back to the rental place, along with our safety vests.

Grabbing my backpack I had left with the woman for safekeeping, Luke and I bid our goodbyes and leave the rental, intertwining our hands again. The feeling his hand in mine gives me will never get old.

As we get to the car again, I yawn, feeling a sense of exhaustion wash over me. Luke smiles upon noticing this and takes the keys from my hand. Wordlessly, he presses a kiss to my forehead and then leads me to the passenger side. He opens the door and lets me get in before shutting the door and jogging to the other side.

The car is filled with a comfortable silence, just the crackling of a song playing on the radio filling out the quietness. I rest my head against the headrest and glance at Luke every now and again as he drives Sabrina. He has that one-hand feel on the steering wheel and the other rest comfortably in mine on the gearshift.

“I had a lot of fun today,” I mumble, unable to speak any louder.

A smile etches its way to Luke’s face. “Me too.” He takes a quick glance at me and then lifts our hands to plant a kiss on my knuckles. “Our band’s house is closer, you want to stop there and get us dry before you go home?”

I hum softly, letting my eyes fall shut for a moment. Luke’s thumb grazing the back of my hand almost lulls me to sleep until he curses before the car comes to a halt. He pulls his hand away from mine and when I look up, the driveway and street in front of the enormous white-brick house is filled with dozens of cars.

“Fuck, I forgot about the album wrap party,” he grumbles and then looks over at me. I’m shivering from the cold and exhaustion. “I can’t let you drive home like that.”

I’m unsure if he’s talking to me or pondering out loud, but I shake my head instead. “It’s fine,” I say. “My house isn’t that far away… I think…”

“No, y/n. I’m not letting you drive home exhausted and cold.” His voice is stern, yet laced with a bit of worry. “You’re gonna come in and I’m– I’m gonna bring you up to my room. You can dry off there and maybe take a nap or something. Yeah! Yeah, that’s it!” He sounds way too excited about something so banal.

He hops out of the car and quickly jogs over to my side whilst I’m already opening the door. Before I could react, he tugs me towards the house. I can barely get my bearings or take the time to look where I’m going before I’m pulled into a room.

“There are shirts and joggers in the dresser over there, pick out whichever you like and then take a nap or something. I’ll be back before you know it.” He kisses my cheek and then dashes towards the door.

“You’re just gonna leave me here?”

He lets go of the door handle and slowly turns towards me. His eyes are laced with regret as he takes in the sight in front of him. I must look ridiculous with my hair and clothes wet and bags under my eyes.

“Please, y/n? I can’t have people know about us, okay? I just – can’t…”

Turning on his heel, he opens the door and leaves me in his bedroom all alone. I take a minute to let the information process in my brain before turning around and taking in the room I’m in.

The walls are painted white, except for the one wall behind his bed that’s a muted dark blue. His bed is king size and on either side is a nightstand. I inch closer to the one that’s actually filled with stuff, which I’m assuming is the one he uses most. Nightstand contents often tell a lot about a person. His contains the band’s autobiography, “Bruce Springsteen: All The Songs” and “Beach Read” by Emily Henry, the book I started the other week and shared on Instagram Stories.

Would he have seen that and decided to read it too?

Shaking the ridiculous thought out of my head, I move over to his dresser and take out a pair of joggers and his Rush muscle tank I’ve seen him in many a time during gigs. I peel my drenched clothes off my body and get into Luke’s freshly washed ones. They smell of his laundry products. It’s a fresh and calming scent.

For a while, I look around his room. The books on the shelves and the pictures on the walls, most of which of the band and some of him and Carrie Wilson. There had been a rumor about him dating the Instagram Influencer, but I’d never believed it until I saw her face pop up in some of the framed photos in his room.

I decide to go and venture about the house since all the commotion seems to be outside in the garden. I weave through hallway upon hallway, finding more photos and more things that belong to the band. The living room walls are adorned with platinum records and other awards they’d won over the two years they’d been active in the music industry. I can’t help but feel a sense of pride rush over me. That’s my favorite band right there. That’s the boy I’ve fallen in love with.

“Excuse me – Who are you?”

The voice makes me jump out of my skin. I thought everyone was outside. When I look up, I find the perfectly flawless face of Carrie Wilson. Her long, blonde hair cascades into curls down her shoulders and back while her round, brown eyes stare at me with intent and curiosity.

“Oh, sorry. I’m y/n. I–” I stop myself, remembering Luke didn’t want anyone to know about us. That includes his girlfriend – or ex-girlfriend.

Carrie’s mouth curls up into an amused, curious smile, catching onto what’s happening. “You’re Luke’s new adventure, aren’t you?” I huff out the breath I was holding. It’s a telling huff, I’m sure. “You are…” She trails off and inspects me for a second before continuing. “Just so you know, it’s not going to work. Luke’s too infatuated with this lifestyle of his. He loves his job, he loves his stardom. He loves it too much to ever focus on a partner. Believe me, we tried.”

I exhale at the use of her past tense, but then all the other information downs on me. Luke’s life is so much different from mine. While I work several jobs to pay for college and still live with my dad, he lives by himself and tours the world. He’s too busy to start anything serious with me. Whatever happened in the last few days was just temporary.

“You seem sweet, y/n, so I’m going to be frank. Get out before it’s too late. You’re only gonna get hurt if you’re gonna stay.” As she passes me, she places a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

If my brain wasn’t going a mile a second about everything she’s telling me, I would be caught off guard by how sweet Carrie Wilson is. She’s always portrayed as this complete ego-centric bitch who used people to her advantage.

The exhaustion taking over, I shuffle back upstairs and sit down on Luke’s bed but when I hear the commotion outside die down and guitar strums float through the air into the house, I grow curious. I get up from the bed and make a beeline towards the ceiling-to-floor glass doors that give out onto a balcony. I carefully open the door and step out, the summer breeze tickling my skin while Luke’s voice reaches my ears.

The balcony looks out onto the garden, it’s just out of sight from where everyone’s huddled up around the band. I lean my elbows on the bannister and watch on as Luke’s voice floated through the air.

“I'm no superman I can take your hand And fly you anywhere you wanna go, yeah I can read your mind Like a billboard sign And tell you everything you wanna hear, but I'll be your hero”

I smile at the memory of us in the studio yesterday. The last few days have been perfect. Just… Perfect. And now this girl has to come and ruin it by pulling me back into reality.

“Cause I, I can be everything you need If you're the one for me, like gravity, I'll be unstoppable I, yeah I believe in destiny I may be an ordinary guy without his soul But if you're the one for me Then I'll be a hero Oh, I'll be a hero, yeah I'll be a hero”

It’s not that Carrie isn’t right. She is. Luke is way too busy with the band and his fame and everything around it. He doesn’t have time or room between those things for me. Not for an ordinary girl. Not for anyone.

“So incredible Some kinda miracle That when it's meant to be, I'll become a hero, oh So I'll wait, wait, wait, wait for you”

Luke’s eyes meet mine as he hits that high note and his mouth curls up into that beautiful smile I’ve come to love. Once again, I’ve fallen in love with someone who would never reciprocate those feelings. If I don’t get out now, I’m going to get hurt.

“Yeah I'll be a hero Cause I, I can be everything you need If you're the one for me, like gravity, I'll be unstoppable I, yeah I believe in destiny I may be an ordinary guy without his soul But if you're the one for me I'll be a hero Yeah, yeah I'll be a hero, yeah I'll be a hero Hero”

As the last notes of his song ring out into the night, I grab my still wet clothes and my keys Luke left on the dresser, and then leave the house. My heart breaks with every step I take, but I know it’s what’s best for me. It’s what’s best for both of us. There’s no room for me in his life. Like he said, he’s no superman, he can’t handle this many things at once. Not even a hero would be able to.

Everything taglist:

@wanniiieeee @phantompogues

JATP taglist:

@hannahhistorian92 @marinettepotterandplagg @thequirkybookaholic @bookdealer5 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hemmingsness @iainttakingshitfromnobody @ifilwtmfc @angryknightstatesmantrash @kiss-themoongoodbye @charliesmountains @thedarkqueenofavalon @calamitykaty @caitsymichelle13 @wiselight @kcd15 @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic @stars-soph @kinda-really-lost @notasofti @stellasmusa @n0wornever @kaitieskidmore1 @tefilovesreading @pxperphxntom @crybabyddl @crybabyddl @headheartbellarke @authentic-gillespie @happinessinthedarkesttimes @bright-molina @rangerelik @cordeliascrown @willex-owns-my-heart @fangirlangioma @frickin-bats @flower-name @jaskiers-sweetkiss @jandthephantoms @kelpwithawhy @the-hufflepuff-hunter @lookingthroughmirrors @buckybarnesishot310 @echocharm17618 @littlemissaddict @mystic-writings @joynerxmercer @brooke0297 @magicalxdaydream @musicianspiritsblog @bexxy @ruvaitkevicius @whitetigerlover17 @stressyanddepressysimp @talk-on-the-street @theolivekiddo @sunsetcurvej @teti-menchon0604 @candycornmgg @gray_jato

Charlie/Luke taglist:

@lukeys-giggle @gingerxarmy @lovesanimals @lolychu @perfectlywrongformend3s @luckylouiebug @camiladelrio98 @myfriendscallmebeans @rachmmb @whitemanshoe19 @killerqueenfan

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatpsongficfeb #luke patterson #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson fic #luke jatp #luke patterson x fem!reader #modern!au #StarStruck

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d-criss-news · 3 years ago

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1883magazine.com

Darren Criss

On his new EP ‘Masquerade,’ the multi-talented Darren Criss welcomes everyone to the party.

Throughout his career, Darren Criss has never been one to shy away from boundaries. As an actor, he has won numerous awards and critical acclaim for his portrayal of Andrew Cunanan in Ryan Murphy’s award-winning drama American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace, as well as hearts and a cult-like following for his portrayal of Harry Potter in Team Starkid’s A Very Potter Musical. As a musician, his talent shows the same range; he is as well known for his ability to belt a broadway ballad as he is for his covers of Top 40 hits on Glee.

For Criss, this is because all music is simply music. Musicians and listeners alike need not box themselves into certain genres and while this concept is currently growing in mainstream media, it is one Criss has known since he was a teenager. At Warped Tour, he encountered fellow San Franciscans Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, a punk-rock cover band that specializes in the unexpected (their most played track on Spotify is Country Roads.). Inspired by what he’s always known was possible, Darren’s career has had freedom most artists take years to explore — and with his new EP, it’s clear that is the most recent chapter.

‘Masquerade’ is an exploration into Criss’ more eclectic side with each track on the record representing a different persona or masque for the artist. The overt character-driven quality of the EP lends not only to allowing fans to learn more about Darren Criss, but also to create a project where something can be found for everyone.

1883 Magazine spoke to Darren Criss about his perception of genre, his new EP, and the curse of creative people.

Congratulations on ‘Masquerade’. I love it. It’s so fun!

Fun is a very fair adjective, I would agree.

I feel like there’s a very cohesive vision or aesthetic to it. When you set out to make the project, did you have this end goal in min or were you just making music?

Yes and no. First and foremost, when you’re dealing with the whole of what an artist does, there are so many different facets that make the whole piece. To start, I’m just a songwriter — that’s the main thing that seeds everything else. But, because I’m a creative person, I’d like to think that I have a somewhat cohesive vision for my projects. However, you can conjecture and pontificate over what you want to happen, but ultimately a project is going to come out how it does. The thing that ties it all together, hopefully, is the artistry of the music or the person’s voice. When I heard you say “cohesive” my mind was like, “Phew!” Because we’re all scatterbrained people and we just constantly pray other people somehow think that we planned something or we had it envisioned all along, so to hear that is an enormous relief.

That being said, I had hope for how the EP would come together. I’ve been leaning into this notion of a character-driven song. The dirty secret about that is all songs are character-driven; all art is character-driven in some way or another. I just use that wording to aide folks that might be perceiving me as an actor and to apply that methodology to music.

How so?

I always thought it was a bit of an unfair double standard — where actors can be in a horror movie or romantic comedy — and we’re still behind that person as an actor. Actors can put on a prosthetic nose or a wig and do different things to service whatever story they’re doing. Historically music has been a little trickier, but now I think that’s changing. I’ve always been a self-proclaimed genrephile. I love so many different kinds of things. Growing up it was difficult for me to really assert this without confusing people. Now, that kaleidoscope has shifted in my favour, because people are more into eclecticism and musical diversity due to playlist culture and the whole homogeneity of everything. I’m employing this notion of being an actor and being behind a character and applying it to music by treating each song as its own kind of character. I want the art to correspond with that.

That’s an interesting concept to apply to music.

I know that everything I just said is horrifically more cerebral than it needs to be. If you like the music and it’s fun, great. I’m just trying to help people out that might be confused by perhaps some of the cognitive dissonance that’s happening between some of the styles. At the end of the day, it’s an artist’s voice, literal singing voice, and heart voice — what they have to say and how they say it — that tie everything together. People are more accepting of that than they used to be. This is exciting for me because I finally got to lean into something that I’ve always leaned into my entire life.

The last EP you released was ‘Homework’ in 2017. How do you think you’ve grown as an artist since then?

For me, obviously, there’s personal growth and professional growth. I think my growth is much more technical — getting better at recording music or being able to translate abstract ideas into physical recording — the things that I don’t think necessarily would be seen on the records. Again, much like an actor, ‘Homework’ was me playing the part of making a very low-key, singer/songwriter record. I’m a big believer in dressing for a party. I had some singer/songwriter songs that I wanted to honour. Each record I release shows a different version of myself that I haven’t gotten around to sharing.

The songs on ‘Masquerade’ are not like, “oh man in the past few years, I’ve suddenly become this person.” The EP was me finally getting in touch with my more Garage Band musician roots that I hadn’t been able to flex. It made sense to me to finally make this music. I had linked up with people that I thought could help me bring it to life in a way that hadn’t been done before and I felt like the timing was right. As I mentioned, it seemed like audiences might be a little more privy to this kind of thing.

I don’t want to be so stubborn as to think that there hasn’t been growth. I’ve been so lucky as an actor, that I’ve been busy as an actor. The only obstacle to me putting out more music, which I wish I was doing all the time, is time. I’m not an artist that just shows up, sings, and checks out. I’m writing, I’m producing, and I’m really in the weeds. It takes a great deal of investment, emotionally and mentally when I make music.

So, when you say, “you wish you were always releasing music,” do you mean to imply you have more music or at least ideas for more music?

I think the curse of creative people is that our ideas move faster than our bodies can execute. What this inevitably will create is a huge queue of unattended things that you will always be haunted by. From there, you have to catch as catch can. At any given moment, there’s still so much more in the queue that I want to put out. It literally took a global shutdown for me to finally have the time to look at the said queue, and say, “Okay, which project do I not only really want to do, but also do I have the resources to do and do I think fits into where I am right now?” Because I’m very cognisant of l where I am in my career. I have this huge selection of songs and when I have the time to focus on music, I go through and pick the ones I think fit where I am mentally and how I think other people are feeling.

With all these different genres of music you’ve released and all the music-centric projects that you’ve been a part of, is there a type of music that you enjoy performing the most?

I would say everything, but I don’t mean that in a way to just include everything. By nature, I’m a dot connector; I like shortening the distance between two things as much as possible and showing people how they can coexist. It’s my MO personally and professionally. Genre, while it has a lot to do with the cultural background and history of a type of music, is the boxes that we’ve arbitrarily made up to categorize and market music. I’m completely nondenominational when it comes to genre because all I can hear is chords, melody, and lyrics. It’s never been separated to me. When I’m performing live, I relish getting to lean in and bring together genres. I love using the setlist to show an audience how similar different genres are. For example, I’ll play a punk rock song and right after that I’ll sit at the piano and sing a ballad. My voice will be a little different, but it’s still my voice. Just like in acting, no matter what character an actor is portraying, it’s still their face and their body. Trying to minimize a distance between genres when I perform is an exciting prospect because I like getting audiences to rethink what they think they know about the differences between genre and how really at the end of the day it’s all just storytelling. So…I like performing it all.

I didn’t say you couldn’t say you liked everything. [Chuckles] That’s a perfectly acceptable answer.

I like putting all of it together specifically to show the similarities. Historically, all the great steps forward in a new kind of art form have been by mashing two or three seemingly unrelated things together. It’s happening constantly. It’s happening right now. Culture is a constant conversation back and forth. It’s a sharing of ideas that ebb and flow to create something new. I’m not saying that I’m taking part in this ancient conversation, but I’m certainly enjoying it. When I see pieces of it that I would like to showcase, I jump at the opportunity to do so.

Since ‘Masquerade’ has been in your creative bank for a while, what would you say inspired it?

Every song has its own inspiration. The album doesn’t really have an inspiration. If anything, I’m trying to make sure that I can show up for myself. I feel like with everything that I’ve done musically, I haven’t gotten to represent who and what I am and what I do. To me, this EP gets me closer to that goal. I still think that only a small percentage of me has been represented and that’s just because of time. I haven’t been able to focus on music in the way that I’d like, but ‘Masquerade’ is a huge stride for me.

Speaking of you being on Broadway, Elsie Fest is Sunday! On top of it just being exciting because it’s back, it’s your first public gig in almost two years. What did you miss most about the festival?

Listen, even without a global pandemic to worry about, putting on a music festival is hard enough. It’s one of my favourite times of the year because I’m very proud of what we’ve built and what we’ve continued to build and expand upon over the years. There’s been a community that has been built around not only people that come to the festival but people that have been part of it. I’ve followed these performers’ careers and I’ve been really grateful that we got a piece of their magic and got to be part of their journey at Elsie Fest. Magic which I can’t take credit for. I just lucked out with having incredible people perform. Over the years, we’ve had Cynthia Erivo perform twice. The first time she premiered a song called ‘You Will Be Found’ from a musical that would open in a year called ‘Dear Evan Hansen.’ We premiered a song from a movie called ‘The Greatest Showman.’ Keala Settle went on to win a Golden Globe for that song. Last year, we had a young girl from Disney sing for us — her name was Olivia Rodrigo. Those are just three examples. There’s been a lot of people that I’ve been thrilled to see do their thing. This year we have an incredible lineup. Barlow & Bear are coming, along with Jordan Fisher, Adrienne Warren, Pentatonix’s Kirstin Maldonado, and Alex Brightman. It’s gonna be great.

The obvious and the biggest answer is getting to perform live within as much of a safe and comfortable environment as humanly possible. Luckily we’re an outdoor festival, so that’s already to our advantage. I will be performing this new EP, but there is also a lot of music to catch up on and a lot of music I want to share. I’m mainly excited to share it with other human beings. I look at performing as a service industry. Everything that I do isn’t worth a whole lot unless other people experience it because it takes on a life of its own. The audience is not there for me & I’m there for them. I’m trying to service an experience that’s bigger than both of us and create something that couldn’t have been there if both parties were on their own.

Before I let you go, I need to tell you that Tramp Stamp Granny’s is one of my favourite bars in LA. I’m obsessed! I haven’t made it back yet. Like I said earlier, the editor Kelsey is also one of my best friends and when she comes, it’s top on my list of places to take her.

Really?! That makes me so happy. You couldn’t have said a better thing. We’re open again to limited capacity. We require vaccinations cards at the door and we’re only open Thursday-Saturday. Talk about being with people — the night we reopened, about a month ago, I got pretty emotional. It was nice to see people just being happy to sing and celebrate life with strangers. That was a really encouraging sentiment because despite the use of digital communication which I do think is an amazing thing, we, so clearly, inevitably, yearn for each other. Despite everything, people were coming to the bar and were so happy to be there and be around other people. Our need for other human beings is a constant that is extremely encouraging to me as a bleeding heart idealist. It’s nice to be a small part of that.

Finally, you said earlier Barlow and Bear were going to be at Elsie Fest. I cannot wait for the Unofficial Bridgerton Musical and was so excited to see you’re involved.

It’s cool meeting them because in a much more organized and impressive fashion they’re doing what my friends and I did ten years ago with ‘A Very Potter Musical.’ They are insanely talented and deserve to be the huge phenomenon they have become. They’re the future. I’m trying to grab onto their coattails however I can. [chuckles] They’re just getting started. I’ve been a big fan of Emily’s for a long time. She hates it when people say this, but [mock yells] she was a child prodigy and she still is. She’s an amazing human being.

Masquerade is out now.

Follow Darren Criss @darrencriss

Interview by Sydney Bolen

#darren criss #1883 magazine #elsie 2021 #masquerade ep #tramp stamp granny's #homework ep #press #august 2021

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luffysbasement · 3 years ago

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didn't realize my last one was that long. Geez (this one is also fucking long, bare with me)

I feel like ever since elementary, all our teachers liked to talk about how the opposite of love isn't hate (there was even a text during 6th? grade about this whole thing.)

Tbh I haven't looked much into lore so I only know the gist of it(I'm such shit, but I know I will have literally no time to study if I get invested in the dsmp) so there may be wild guesses here and there down below.

The way Quackity's expressions ranged from stoic to a weirdly kind smile to aggressively scary and ruthless, it's all just so.. *gestures wildly with hands because I have no words* ..angsty. The grip on Dream's hair like he wants him to listen carefully but he is losing all patience and sanity and sympathy for Dream. The crazed look from Quackity(his last block) is just so cold and bitter and kind of filled with self-pity, like he's been there before (I actually don't know if that's the case lmao) it's the look from textbook villians(I know he's not one) when they become insane and starts spilling all that they know in the most poisonous way possible.

Also, again, last block giving me chills. Sapnap's glare and George just walking away with absolutely no care and no desire to turn around sums it up beautifully. Good work, really really beautiful.

-✗

putting this on read more bc i will be ranting LMAO. buckle in, this will be long.

thank you!! :] i absolutely love seeing people see how i organized the colors and panels to be the way they are. and the expressions as well, i had fun making those!

i really like this one bc its short but it goes pretty deep into the lore. i had to think about the flow of the panels and the colors and poses of the comic since its only 3 pages and i dont have much to tell the message aside from those things asgssdfgh

i originally saw the concept (opposite of love isnt hate) from a tiktok HAHAH i dont think weve ever tackled that in literature or anywhere at school unfortunately :(( im a big fan of metaphorical/poetic statements too. tho its technically logical, but weve been so used to hate being described as the opposite of love that its just mind-boggling for me to hear that lol

i actually understand you lol im currently done with school at the present moment but a few months ago i barely even posted, even more drawn anything bc i was so busy with school. since youre still not done, good luck with that!!

but oh lord am i a hoe (a WH**E) for lore.

ive thought of this for a long time now but i just had to urge to get to drawing it when my twt tl starting going deep into c!dream's lore.

i just ABSOLUTELY love lore revolving around the dt. (maybe because im more attached to them whoops)

its just so fascinating to think about. (everything onwards is /rp and /character) also, you said youre not that caught up with lore so if you dont get these things or dont wanna bother/get spoiled, you can just ignore it lol i just really needed to rant about his character thats all, needed to get it off my chest phew

dream from the start had a plan: make everyone on the server hate him and build a prison for someone so strong it'll be needed. for me there is no way he was talking about tommy or techno then. no way.

he definitely had a fall to corruption. what he did with tommy during exile, that one is inexcusable ofc but the other things??? destroying the community house, siding with techno during his arrest, even destroying a whole ass country (this one might just be him reaching his limit against lmanberg, being the first and basically only country to defy him sm and stuff)

its weird and interesting in a way. what he did, the destruction, telling everyone he has no more attachments, not even sapnap and george, putting george on the throne then dethroning him not long after-- all these things just seems like it's part of his plan you know???

but like, what for? why? what does he want? earlier in the smp, he just wanted to build a home for them, one that will grow and be beautiful (theres a certain tiktok edit of this one, i am going to cry) he was such a good guy in the earlier days, he just wanted to take care of the server and take on the responsibilities expected of him but it just all... fell?

but even then, from the start, i cant help but think that he was already alone. sure, he had sapnap and george and the others but after everything: after sapnap was so quick to jump on tommy's side after ONE thing that dream said in the heat of the moment to threaten tommy (the 'i dont care about anything' bit), not trying to clear it up with dream and with george being so quick to side with other people's statement (dream dethroned him bc he hates him, etc) than dream's own (to protect george), its just so sad. not to mention even before everything, those two formed new nations without dream before; while dream was fighting for his own alone, they didn't really care enough. they did this again, with kinoko kingdom but tbf, the destruction of the community house felt like the end of the greater dream smp.

its just... sad and tragic, his whole character. his life is like the joker, baby. BAHAHAHA

anywaaaays

sorry about that, the c!dream apologist in me needed to breathe

glad you think its beautiful hehe <3

#asks #dreblr #imagine fighting for a country you built with your friends for you guys to call home #by yourself #with no one else to care #then falling to madness and corruption #getting painted the villain by everyone #even by your best friends to the point that one of them always assumes if its something destroyed youre to blame #then tortured #for 6 months #then getting told by said best friend that if you escape prison escape torture #he'll kill you #man #also imagine your boyfriend never fucking visits AAHAHAHAHAH #then your semi rival semi colleague is the only one left who views you as a person #IM CRYING SKJFABWKFJBKWEBF FUCK

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tuiyla · 3 years ago

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Hi,

So I'm not invested in Klaine but I have found some comments here and there on how heteronormativity played a role in their relationship dynamic. Some things like: making Kurt conveniently more fragile in order to make Blaine protect him, give him the traditionally female roles in some situations and Blaine the male one.

And I think is interesting because it's so ambiguous and I kind of can see both sides. We know Glee broke stereotypes at the time by making Kurt have traditionally feminine interests (I think it's totally unfair to dismiss that as him being a stereotypical gay) but he shouldn't be the one in the "passive" role, if that makes sense. But was it a problem of the show or in universe? Because they seemed to be self aware of this potential perception at times and they did varied this dynamic - which made ppl start to see Blaine as stereotypical in later seasons, funny enough.

Thoughts?

Hey!

I'm blanking on examples of what you're saying, especially the fragility-protection thing but maybe others more well-versed in the Klaine story can chime in? Please, really do feel free to. I am however so down to talk about in and out of universe perspectives and how gender roles and dynamics affect even - or particularly - the queer relationships. So down!

Because they seemed to be self aware of this potential perception at times and they did varied this dynamic - which made ppl start to see Blaine as stereotypical in later seasons, funny enough.

Could you please elaborate on this? Again I'm blanking on examples and I'm not that well-informed on fan perceptions, to be honest. Most of what I know about how the fans view these kinds of things is based on reddit and I don't know how representative that viewpoint was of fandom as a whole.

But just to say in this first round of the discussion, I have many, many thoughts on how Kurt's femininity and him being perceived as a stereotypical gay guy is handled in the fandom. I have a draft for an essay all about this but god, when will it write itself? Long story short, I find it infuriating when people call him a "walking gay stereotype" and fail to a) contextualize his story in the atmosphere of 2009/the early 2010s and b) realize that part of representations goal is to be able to have all kinds of queer identities on screen. So even if Kurt does start out as a bit of an exaggeration because of early Glee's satirical nature, you're so right that it's unfair, frankly just bonkers to dismiss him because of those ~stereotypical~ traits. A lot of it boils down to effeminophobia and this more general fear of playing into stereotypes which, phew, this is why this is a bigger topic lol I could go on and on about this.

I'm digressing too much, the point about Kurt is that his femininity or traits that are traditionally perceived as feminine are good, actually. But to your point about Klaine, I can sort of see how people would say that about their dynamic and apply gender roles/heterenormativity. I can't think of loads of examples but there are some where the two were split into "girls and boys" categories and Kurt fell into the former. And am I mistaken, or there are a fair few instances in season 3 where Blaine is one of the boys (The Rain in Spain comes to mind) where Kurt is absent for one reason or another? I think Glee established Kurt as someone who feels more comfortable with the girls early on (and again this is its own topic) but then it also just, sort of by default, had Blaine hang with the guys in ~bro~ scenes and ND boys performances. And there is something to be explored there in regards to their relationship and how heteronormativity applies, in a sense that oh, this binary is established, but I think for the most part it's just Glee doing its thing and not thinking too deeply about it.

The beauty of queer stories is that they're inherently transgressive so Klaine is never going to fit into a heteronormative lens, but I think you are right in that it's interesting to explore how it still affects them because of the society we live in. And like you say, both in-universe and out. Again I can't actually think of examples when Kurt was in that more passive, traditionally feminine role and Blaine as the more masculine one but I think if we were to call it a problem, it'd be an out of universe one. I don't think Kurt and Blaine ever felt like they were inadvertently adhering to gender roles, like, it wasn't like Kurt took on a more passive role so he can be saved and Blaine a more active one so he can be a knight in shining blazer.

And that reminds me, the only example that really comes to mind is of course the very beginning with Blaine encouraging Kurt and helping with the Karofsky situation. But I don't think that situation is particularly gendered like this and Blaine's way of helping Kurt is far from being the toxic masculinity bs we usually get from other Glee boys. That's not to say gender dynamics aren't present and aren't worth exploring, but if what you're saying Anon is that the fandom thinks they fall into heteronormative gender roles... I disagree. I think their dynamic is refreshingly queer in that it doesn't fit neatly into that but it's certainly telling when people try to make it do that. And when Glee defaults to things like Blaine being one of the guys, of course.

Wow this is a right mess but I hope I could articulate some of my thoughts and please, you or others do continue this discussion. Always good to be critical of how heteronormativity impacts stories and specifically queer stories, both in how they're made and how they're interpreted.

#glee asks #klaine asks #making it its own thing just in case #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #i am so sorry if I'm less coherent than usual i need to go to bed #but i didn't want to keep you waiting anon and make you think i wasn't gonan reply #anon #flashed back to the feudal lord and handmaiden debacle ngl #i'm sorry i don't have the bandwidth to make more sense lol #kurt asks

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ladyrhi · 3 years ago

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Dear ASTOS Readers,

I wanted to take a moment to come by and say THANK YOU for all of the support & kind words you’ve shared with me. Logging into AO3 and Tumblr to find your messages has been like receiving a big hug!

I know I’d said there wouldn’t be a hiatus for ASTOS, but I found that I needed to take a breath and leave fandom spaces for a while after publishing Chapter 20. There were two main reasons I chose to give myself this break...

The first is my dog, Rowan. Two years ago, she was diagnosed with heart disease, and recently, I learned that the medications she’s been on to treat it have affected her kidneys. That was very hard news to hear from the vet. She’s my bestie and my baby, so I had to give her the time & attention she deserves while we worked to stabilize her condition. There’s no ‘cure’ for her unfortunately, but she’s doing much better and back to being her happy little self.

My second reason is that my heart needed some time to heal. That sounds sappy, I know, but I put everything into writing Ben & Rey as I do, and having people cast hate on my story was devastating. Closing down my Twitter and withdrawing from Discord servers has been a much-needed emotional detox, and I can finally think about Reylo fanfic without my chest growing tight. It’s been genuinely liberating.

Please remember something, friends ~ If you are a writer, artist, or fan who becomes targeted by others within the fandom for what you create, enjoy, or how you interact, take that step away and prioritize your mental wellbeing. You are worth far more than anything a bully who doesn’t know you (and will never bother to try) can say about you.

Phew. That got heavy, huh?

It’s way too late to ‘make a long story short,’ but the good news I’m itching to share with you is this:

Chapter 21 is on its way!

I sat down over the weekend and wrote my heart out! It’s still in the early writing stage, which is why this isn’t an official teaser post, but I’m so gosh darn excited about it that I had to give you friends an update. Our little Force family will be back and getting to have a well-deserved cuddle after what I put them through in Chapter 20. Expect sweet nothings, Bump cuteness, and some answers to lingering questions... as well as the return of sexy times. *wink*

All the best & much love ~ ♥

#ASTOS #update #thank you

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lyricalimerence · 5 years ago

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No Matter The Season - JJ Maybank

a/n: so this is based off the song no matter the season by sara kays, it's an incredible song you should listen to it. this is my first time writing on tumblr so i hope it's okay and y'all like it!

word count: 1879

warnings: little angsty, some fluff, lots of hating on yourself, lack of body confidence

summary: you're insecure and jj lectures you because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. all of you are beautiful and i know that it's just my word against what you think about yourself, but know that i think you're beautiful so don't beat yourself up or give up on yourself bbys. you're perfect.

i got my long sleeves on. baggy and way too long

The world was spinning on its axis, the sun rose in the east and set in the west, the tides pushed against the shores before being pulled out again. Everything was normal. It was just another day on the boat with the Pogues. Swimming, fishing, drinking cheap beers left over at The Wreck that Kiara’s dad so graciously donated to his daughter’s friend group. It was just another day. But as you stood in the mirror in the bikini Kie coerced you into buying when you two went to the mall as a girls’ weekend, you couldn’t help but notice everything you deemed was a flaw. Every little mark and every curve that was on you but not on Kie or Sarah.

Practically hearing the Pogues start to get antsy for you to hurry up, you reach into your closet and pull out your only warm clothes that were normally preserved for December and January. You let out a shaky breath and held up the hoodie to your torso, itching to just cover up all the insecurities that you have. Throwing the sweatshirt back onto your bedspread, you hold the pair of JJ’s sweatpants that he let you borrow but you’ve never returned, to your waist, remembering how safe you feel when they cinch in your waist and fall down past your ankles.

Dropping the pants to the laminate flooring underneath you, you hug your waist, as you suck in your stomach, feeling a manipulative dosage of serotonin surge through your brain when your arms follow your stomach into your ribcage and your stomach looks thinner in the mirror.

nobody has questions in december, but five months later, all i hear is:

Before you can pull the hoodie and sweatpants on to erase how you truly feel, a quick knock followed by the squeak of your bedroom door hinges rings out, revealing your blond haired boyfriend in your doorway.

A smile etched its way across JJ’s face as he looked you up and down. Scanning every inch of your body, he soaked in your features and how perfect you looked in that bikini, “Damn, Y/N! You ready?”

You clear your throat and retreat into the skin you hate so much, “Yeah, gimme a minute?” JJ nods and respects your request, walking out of your room and closing the door, but leaving it open ajar. You grab the hoodie and sweatpants, turning to see the connecting bathroom, it looks so tempting to just try to make yourself throw up, but you know JJ will hear, and you can’t bear to disappoint him. He just likes you so much.

You pull the sweats on, covering every bit of skin besides the sandals that cover your feet, your fingers that barely stick out of the oversized hoodie, and your face that is on full display as your ponytail pulls your hair back. You slip out of the bedroom quietly, hoping that JJ was already back in the boat, but there he was, his goofy, fun-loving smile playing at his lips while he hears the door creak.

aren’t you warm?

“Y/N?” JJ asks when he sees your oversized clothes, his smiling dropping into a look of concern, “You know it’s August, right? It’s, like, hotter than Hell.”

“Yeah, I just got a chill or something. Might not swim today.” JJ cast one last glance of uncertainty before throwing his arm over your shoulder and walking out of the back door towards the boat with you, bumping your hips together as you walked.

aren’t you sweating up a storm?

Kie jumped up when she saw your and JJ’s shadow from behind the back screen door, excited to see you in your new suit because she’s wearing hers too. Her expression drops when she sees your sweater paws and your sweatpants. “Y/N? Aren’t you warm?”

“I’m freezing, guess I’m comin’ down with something,” you say, your voice becoming raspy as you look at the ground, feeling too self conscious at the idea of just being there, in a bikini, when Kiara and Sarah look that effortlessly good in theirs. You and JJ hop onto the HMS Pogue, settling into a comfortable position at the stern of the boat as John B pulls the boat away from the dock and across the marsh.

JJ leans his head slightly to rest his face in the crook of your neck as he starts to whisper sweet words to you about how gorgeous you look, whether you’re in a skimpy bikini or a fully covered in his sweats or in the dresses Kie lets you borrow when she drags you to the Midsummers parties so she isn’t alone.

are you aware that it’s hotter than hell out here?

You smile slightly as you prop your elbow up against your knee and rest your head in the palm of your hand. Sarah had veged out across one of the seats in the boat and is now fanning herself as sweat starts to collect at her hairline. “Phew, Y/N, aren’t you sweating up a storm?”

“I’m doing okay, actually,” you say, the drops of sweat forming a patch on the back of your hoodie. However, you can’t help but revel in how good it feels to cover up and not to worry about how you look.

Pope drops the anchor into the marsh as Kie, Sarah, John B, and JJ pull off their shirts to get to their swimsuits. They dive into the marsh as you lean over and rest your head on the edge of the boat. JJ stops just before he could follow Pope into the water. “You’re really not coming?”

maybe i would dress for the weather if i would feel better, but i have to tell them all i’m freezing

The sweat forming around your hairline and underneath your arms and on your back starts to accelerate as you become overwhelmed with another lie. You mumble under your breath as the fragment of your friend group swims farther away from the boat, “I would dress for the weather if I felt better, but I don’t.”

“What?” JJ asks, following your eyes with his, managing to secure eye contact with you despite your fidgeting glances. Fixing your gaze on the floor of the boat, you swallow and shake your head, refusing to repeat what you said, not wanting to have said it in the first place. “Feel better about what, Y/N?”

You look up at your boyfriend. Your boyfriend who would flirt with Kie before you two got together, calling her hot and gorgeous. Sure, JJ says the same about you, but he called her hot first and she made it clear that her door was closed. Crossing your arms over your chest defensively, you stand up, digging your toe into the rough vinyl you stood on out of nervous habit. As you straighten up, you suck in your stomach, almost involuntarily. “Look at me, J!”

“I’m looking!” JJ yells, his exasperation rolling off his tongue in the same way as sweat rolls down your back. “And I think you look beautiful, you’re perfect, so if this is about how you look, I don’t understand!”

“I don’t understand either!” You shout back, immediately biting your lower lip as you analyze what you just said. JJ’s expression contorts, his look of concern and confusion falling into one of realization and anger. He reaches out to you, grabbing the cuff of your hoodie and drawing you into him. He shifts his arms once or twice around your body, trying to avoid the places where you sweated through the fabric, but in the end he didn’t care about it.

“You don’t think you’re beautiful?” JJ asks softly, the volume showing an air of compassion and love, but his tone showing his anger at you for thinking of yourself that way. “You are.”

“You can’t just tell me I’m beautiful and expect me to believe it.” You retort, your eyebrows furrowing as you grasp your bottom lip with your teeth even harder, drawing blood in an attempt to halt your lips from quivering.

“Why don’t you believe it?” JJ inquires, his tone softening to concern instead of anger as he pulls you into a seat next to him.

“You have eyes--”

“Yes, I do.”

“I don’t look like Kiara and Sarah do, and they’re actually beautiful.” You say, your voice dropping to a whisper as JJ watches your every move, overanalyzing every little twitch your lip makes to avoid your eyes from spilling over and every time you subconsciously tug at the hem of your sweatshirt, making sure your tummy stays completely covered.

“Obviously you don’t look like them. They have different DNA, silly.” JJ says, attempting to get a laugh or even a giggle out of you, but you don’t budge. Your arms crossing over you tighter, whatever you can do to encase yourself in armor. “Y/N, just because you don’t look like someone who is beautiful doesn’t mean it takes away from your own beauty.”

“I know that.” You mumble as JJ reaches out to push the cuffs of your sleeves up to your elbows.

“You need to believe it. It’s like evolution. It is factual.” JJ insists, tracing images onto your wrists and twisting the bracelets that wrap around your wrist into different shapes. “Your hands help so many people when they’ve fallen and your arms have pulled up the anchor so many times.”

JJ motions for you to take your hoodie off, to which you begrudgingly oblige, immediately wrapping your arms around your torso in a hug as you do so. “Your stomach has eaten so many of my molding PB&J’s without complaint, and your abs have beaten Pope in a push-up contest.”

“My stomach complained, you just weren’t there for that part.” You say with a smile as you tease JJ, his hand coming to clutch his heart in fake pain. You laugh at his antics, only for him to pump his fist into the air in triumph for your laugh.

You shimmy off your sweatpants, showing your tanned legs. You curl into an upright fetal position, trying to hide your thighs and your stomach in one fell swoop. JJ lifts his hands to bring your knees in to lean against his stomach so he can draw circles around your kneecaps. “Your legs have taken you on so many fun adventures.”

Intertwining his fingers with yours, JJ pulls you up to a standing position, holding you an arms length away by your shoulders as you squirm, very aware a passing fisherman could see you. “And your body has danced at so many parties with me and swam to find great treasures in sunken boats.”

“Y/N, you are perfect. You’ve always been perfect.”

“You can’t expect me to--”

“You’re right, I can’t expect you to believe anything I’m saying because the only opinion that matters is your own. But, you are perfect to me and to the rest of the Pogues, and it is okay for you to be insecure about things. But, never, never ever, put yourself down because that shit hurts me too.”

no matter the season.

#jj maybank x reader #jj #obx #outer banks #jj maybank #imagine #fanfic #fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #jj maybank fic #outer banks fic

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liannyeong · 4 years ago

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Crimson (Chapter 3)

Summary: Jaebeom tours Yujin around the mansion, and the start of the wedding preparations.

Word count: 2463

Pairing: Jaebeom X OC

Warning(s): None

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16

A/N: Phew! Managed to get this done in time! And it’s a longer chapter too :D Do support my works by buying me a coffee! Follow me on Twitter for updates ~ See you next week! ^^

Jaebeom takes Yujin to the garden first. Standing a few steps away from the garden arch, pink flowers decorating the iron base. The vibrant petals contrast against the surrounding plain green hedges. Jaebeom doesn't bring her into the garden though. Instead, he briefly explains that it's more of a maze instead of an actual garden.

"What's in the middle of the maze then?" Yujin asks, looking beyond the arch. Interestingly, the sun is bright overhead, but the garden pathway is rather dark, and there seems to be a kind of fog clouding it, giving a mysterious aura.

"Oh, nothing much. Just a water fountain, that's all," Jaebeom responds, bringing her attention to the mansion instead. Yujin slightly frowns. Why does the fae seem rather dismissive?

"The mansion has an east wing and a west wing," Jaebeom gestures to the rectangular blocks that emerge from the centre of the mansion. "And there are three floors. The first floor is a common area, where the kitchen and the dining hall are located in the west wing. The east wing is where the servants' quarters are located."

"The second floor is made up of sleeping quarters for the rest of the household. That one, however," Jaebeom points out at the balcony just above the front door to the mansion, "is the ballroom. The third floor is the library in its entirety."

Next, Jaebeom brings her back inside the mansion. They step into the kitchen first, where Chan -- the one who served them earlier -- is focused on cooking a dish. There are two other faes busily moving about in the kitchen. None of them seem to be affected by their presence. Yujin catches the greenish glint in their eyes.

"Does your household employ different elemental faes?" Yujin asks when they exit the kitchen.

"Elemental faes prefer to stick to their own kind. But here, it's different. We don't follow the general notion."

"What about Jinyoung? He's your brother but he's not a Fire fae."

Jaebeom smiles ruefully. "That's because he's my half-brother."

Yujin expects him to go on, but he doesn't. He leaves the conversation as it is. The next room over is the dining hall, but having been there during breakfast, Jaebeom skips to the servants' quarters.

"This is where the servants stay. If you need anything, you can approach them. Preferably, you should approach me though," Jaebeom murmurs the last sentence to himself but the silence in the house makes it loud and clear to Yujin's ears.

They head up the stairs, to the second floor. Jaebeom shows Yujin the ballroom, pushing open the large wooden door. It's basically empty, the daylight streaming into the room through the glass doors, casting a glow onto the marble-tiled floor. Beyond the doors is the balcony that she saw from the garden arch.

"We shall hold our wedding here," Jaebeom suddenly says, a huge grin on his face. In an instant, Yujin feels her heart drop. The tour has made her temporarily forget the reason she was brought here.

"Well, let's continue on." The fae walks out of the room, Yujin trailing behind.

He goes past the stairs and to the start of the hallway of the west wing, pausing there. "At the very end is where my room is located," Jaebeom states. "If you ever need anything, you can find me there."

Then they go up to the third floor, where the library is. The stairs form a bridge-like structure that splits into two pathways. The library appears taller than the other two floors, thanks to the roof that is shaped like a dome. It is made of entirely glass, allowing for the steady stream of sunlight. With the vast space -- a result of the merging of the two wings into one -- Yujin guesses there could be thousands of books in total: there are aisles of books, and every wall is turned into a bookshelf too!

"All the books in the library are my personal collection," Jaebeom gestures at the aisles. “But you’re more than welcome to read them.”

Yujin stares at Jaebeom, mouth gaping at him. She has always wanted to read new books but never had the chance, considering the financial situation of her family. They only have enough to sustain their survival, rarely anything more to purchase new things. Only once did her father gift her a novel that she has read multiple times throughout the years.

"Thank you, I’d like that a lot," Yujin can’t help but return a smile, genuinely grateful and happy. This seems to please the fae, for he looks at her as if she’s never smiled before.

"Well, uh--" Jaebeom clears his throat, “Come this way.”

Moving past rows of bookshelves, right at the very end, there is an arched glass window, with cushioned seats lined on the windowsill. Looking out, Yujin gets a bird's eye view of the mansion grounds, including the garden maze. She spots a fountain in the center, true to what Jaebeom said.

“It's nice, isn't it?” Jaebeom comments.

Definitely, Yujin thinks to herself.

“Well, that’s all there is in this mansion,” Jaebeom concludes. "I hope you’re more comfortable and familiar here."

“Yes, thank you for showing me around."

“Anything for you,” Jaebeom replies, eyes rather fond. "Ah yes, you’ll be fitted for your dress today, in the late afternoon. Yeri will remind you again."

“I shall leave you to yourself then,” he says, bowing politely and making his way out.

Yujin redirects her attention to the view outside. How advantageous is this, she realizes. Having a view from this angle will allow her to monitor the movements around the mansion.

She might have just arrived here and so far, no one has tried to harm her. Still, she can't get complacent. She can't let her guard down. There's a lot of things she doesn't know, questions that remain unanswered. But it's better she doesn't delve too much into it, she muses. The fae are skilled in deluding people, she reminds herself. It's better that she focuses on finding a way out of this place. She shouldn’t stay here any longer than necessary.

---

Yujin is woken by a shake on her shoulder, her eyes still heavy. She peeks an eye, the sun already casting slanted shadows through the windows. Yeri is standing next to the bed, reminding her of the dress fitting. Yujin quickly freshens herself up before following the servant lady to a guest room situated in the west wing of the mansion.

“Why couldn’t we do the fitting in my own room?” Yujin wonders aloud.

“It’s Master Im’s orders, Lady Shin,” Yeri responds as calm and dignified as usual. Then, she comes a little closer, and whispers, “Master Im doesn’t want anyone near or in your room.” She lets out a small giggle.

Yujin frowns. In an instant, the fae immediately reverts back to her composed self, as if she's done something wrong. Her sudden shift in mood has Yujin letting out a small laugh. Yeri smiles at her sheepishly.

The guestroom is as large as her room in the east wing. Seeing no one else in the room, Yujin decides to take her place at the loveseat. She’s rather thankful to have borrowed a book from the library and brought it along. She was reading it to pass time, but accidentally fell asleep until Yeri came. Basking in the silence of the room, Yujin flips open the book and continues on the page she left off.

She didn’t keep track of the time. She was nose deep into the novel when the door swings open and a commotion follows. Looking up, Yujin sees a male fae entering the room in the longest strides she has ever seen. He stands in the middle of the room, leaning his weight onto one foot. His legs are long, Yujin notices, and his cheekbones are visible beneath his slightly tanned skin. The next thing Yujin notices is the fae’s blue-colored eyes -- a sign that he is a Water fae. Yujin slowly rises to her feet.

“You must be the Shin Yujin,” the fae says with a subtle accent, looking her up and down. Perhaps elemental faes have different cultures and slightly different languages, much like human races.

“I’m Bam, your couturier,” he introduces himself. Before Yujin can even respond, he waves his hand and a mannequin appears in front of him, at the empty space between the guest bed and the loveseat. Bam steps forward, moving his right arm in a fluid motion and a measuring tape slides smoothly down his arm and into his hand. If Yujin had blinked, she might not have even noticed it.

“Measure her, please,” the male instructs and it’s like the measuring tape comes to life. Similar to water, the tape flows from the fae’s hand and slithers its way towards Yujin. It coils around her ankle, then spreads to her hip before covering her entire body like a tight-fit suit. It measures the littlest of details, leaving no skin untouched. Once done, it flows back down to the floor, creeping up to the mannequin. The mannequin morphs to be an exact replica of Yujin’s body.

“Alright, let’s see,” Bam goes. He crosses his arms, fingers underneath his chin, brows furrowed in thought. He tilts his head to the side, humming to himself. Then in the next moment, he suggests, “Perhaps a basic dress?”

Bam snaps his fingers and what appears to be snowflakes starts falling above the mannequin, to reveal a long simple dress. It is plain white, no design apart from the lace on the cap sleeves. The material hugs at the waist and tapers to her thighs, accentuating the Yujin’s curves. The tail fans out at the bottom, forming a smooth circle on the floor.

“What do you think?” the fae asks, glancing at Yujin. She doesn’t even get a chance to form her opinion, let alone open her mouth as Bam waves his hand, shaking his head. “On second thought, never mind. Let’s try another… I think… You’ll go better with an off-shoulder dress.”

Another snap and the basic dress moulds itself into an off-shoulder dress. The sleeves are long and tight to skin. There’s a dip in the middle, towards the cleavage but it’s not too low that it is racy. Around the waist is a rose gold embroidery, and the skirt flows loosely, multiple layers of light chiffon.

“What do you think?” Bam asks again, looking rather proud at his design. This time, Yujin has the time to step forward and feel the material.

The dress is beautiful, Yujin must admit, though she wonders if it suits her.

Just then, Jaebeom barges in, door slamming against the wall, his expression sour. “Bam!” he bellows.

“Oh, hello, Jaebeom,” the Water fae greets. “I think I’m just about done here--”

“How dare you make my bride wait!” Jaebeom raises his voice at the other, jabbing a finger into his chest. “Is this how you treat your clientele? Showing up late?”

Bam cowers. Yujin feels the temperature plummet. Watching the scene warily, she notices the candles around the room dimmed low, almost extinguished.

“I chose you as our couturier and yet, you treat my bride like a fool?”

“I’m sorry, Jaebeom, I had other business to attend to--”

“Excuses!” the Fire fae roars.

“Jaebeom--” Yujin intervenes, though her voice is small. Her own heart pounds in her ears. She definitely doesn’t want to be at the receiving end of Jaebeom’s wrath, but she feels the urge to defend Bam. The Water fae has his head hung low, avoiding any form of eye contact with the other fae. Yujin doesn’t know where she got the courage to move forward, such that she touches Jaebeom’s elbow. “It’s fine. It wasn’t a long wait -- not with a book to keep me company.”

Jaebeom looks over his shoulder. His anger seems to dissipate almost instantly. Out of the corner of her eye, Yujin notices the fires are back to normal. “Are you sure? I can punish him, if you’d like.”

“That won’t be ideal, would it? We need his service for our wedding,” she placates the male.

Jaebeom exhales steadily. Then he turns back to Bam, who is still looking down at his feet. Jaebeom jabs his finger into his chest once more, and spits, “You should be thankful to the mercy of my bride. Else, you’d be dead by now.”

The Fire fae faces Yujin once more, gently tapping her shoulder, a smile on his lips. His hand slides down her arm to hold her hand up between them. “If there’s anything you are displeased with, don’t hesitate to call me.” He brings up the hand higher, pressing his lips to her knuckles. Gently letting her go, Jaebeom turns on his heels and leaves the room. Yujin can’t help but notice how Bam immediately relaxes.

“Thank you for saving my life,” the couturier expresses his gratitude with a slight bow, a relieved expression on his face.

Yujin offers a kind smile. “I don’t think I did anything but you’re welcome.”

“Such amazing ability, you have,” Bam says. “I can’t believe that it’s true.”

Yujin cocks her head to the side. “What is?”

“Well,” Bam starts rather hesitantly. “Jaebeom has always been a hot-headed person, much worse than what you saw earlier. But his temper has mostly died down ever since he moved to this mansion, you see. Occasionally, he does get angry when it comes to important matters. But the fact that he was furious at me for being late and that you calmed him real quick… You really have Jaebeom wrapped around your finger.”

Yujin got reminded of Jinyoung, who said the same words. She shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe he doesn’t like truancy.”

Bam shakes his head. “I’ve known him all my life. And I’ve never seen him like this.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “You must mean a lot to him, considering that he’s protective of you.”

Yujin doubts so. There must be another reason for Jaebeom to behave in such a manner. Even if he is protective of me, it's because he needs me for something. But I wonder what...

“Ah!” Bam’s face suddenly lights up. He whips around and snaps his fingers at the mannequin. The sleeves are gone, and thin straps are added instead. Then, just slightly above the chest, a gold jewelry wraps around the mannequin. Magic flows downward, constructing a long chiffon cape that drapes all the way down, almost touching the floor.

“How do you find this?” Bam presents it to Yujin, his blue eyes gleam with pride.

“It’s-- Majestic.” Yujin finds herself amazed by the elegance it holds.

Bam grins wide. “Perfect for the bride of the Im house.”

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