#peter has no clue why he cried

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Gwen's superhero identity, grief, and what her relationship with Miles means to her

GUESS WHO, ONCE AGAIN, WAS WRITING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, AND WROTE SO MUCH IT WARRANTED ITS OWN POST.

How I keep doing this I don't get it.

Regardless, this post will talk about Gwen using her hero identity instead of working on her emotional situation; and how she holds onto that identity until it makes her lose everything.

So, what is her situation at the beginning of the movie?

Pretty depressing.

Okay, I don't think it needs to be said how much losing Peter messed up Gwen. We don't really know the situation in full detail, however, we are aware that they had known each other for 12 years (As stated by George at the beginning of the movie during the interview,) and considering all the memories he has with the family, needless to say, Peter has been a part for most of Gwen's life.

No idea how was her situation before Peter's death, but I don't think is weird to believe she didn't have many friends besides Peter; maybe people she got along (like her bandmates,) were okay to hang out with, but Peter was the closest to her. Maybe this wouldn't be the case, if it wasn't for Spider-woman.

Here is the thing, did Gwen probably decide to put her distance after Peter's death? For sure, do I think Gwen probably leaned too much into the superhero lifestyle? Also yes.

I think the clue to that is in this part, where we see Gwen changing between her Spider-woman suit and her civilian self.

We could believe part of this is because of her grief, she learned more about her identity as a spider-woman, though I still think she may have focused a lot on it already.

I don't have a lot of proof, but I do have how her fear and her protectives of her hero cost her.

(And yes, I see Miles in the reflection, we will mention him later.)

Again, one image with many frames, because we need to make this quick.

All of this shows that Peter tries, in a way, to breach the gap between them. The only proof I have of this is 1) How Peter was getting pictures of Gwen as Spider-Woman, 2) How he was trying to defend her, believing in her despite what the police, news, and Gwen's dad say.

(Hey, is it just me, or do you think how Miles would end up drawing Gwen because he misses her, and Peter being afar from Gwen, taking pictures of both sides of her, just like Miles draws her both as Spider-Woman and her normal self?)

Guys, you don't want to know the number of times I cried during this scene of Gwen and Peter.

And is tragic on multiple levels, but something that really breaks me in this particular scene, is when Peter is calling her name, revealing how all of this was for how much he admires and looks up to her, and in his last moments, he tries to take out the mask, to see her face.

...And Gwen, in panic, trying to protect herself and her identity, refuses to let him take the mask. Meaning the last thing Peter saw, was the superhero version of Gwen, a version I don't doubt he admired and loved, but was a mask her best friend put to protect herself, and refused to let him see her for who she truly was one last time before he passed away.

I am not sure, what type of bond Peter and Gwen had, if they were crushing, just best friends, etc. For me, Peter at least had a crush on Gwen, and for Gwen well, what they were.

Because let me tell you something, what Peter and Gwen were was more than friendship, but doesn't necessarily need to be romantic; I think Gwen could have fallen for Peter, but for now he was him.

Why this is important? Because of all their history; Peter has known her since she was around 4 years (if we assume Gwen is 16 when George said they had known each other for 12 years, thought depending on the timeline Gwen maybe be 15 and know Peter since 3.) They had been close to each other for most of their lives, they had shared a table for what seemed almost daily, I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason they were close, was because Gwen lost her mom, and Peter lost his parents, and they became friends while living in the same building with George, Ben and May supporting each other with the kids.

(Yes, that last part is a headcanon, until we have proof of the contrary I will roll with that. Feel free to have your own.)

And then Gwen keeps the secret, she tries to act dumb in front of Peter, refusing to let him. She probably is used to defending Peter, and depending on the scenario this can be weighted on him in different ways (aka if Ben died or not, if Peter has seen how much Gwen risks her life and is worried about her, if wants to be strong to help other and stand at her side.)

So this hits even harder because of how much Peter matters to her, and she didn't realize that this was driving a gap between them, a gap Peter try to close by all the means necessary until he died.

This is not to say Gwen is to blame for Peter's death, FUCK NO. Peter risking something like this means some type of doubt or insecurity that is a lot heavier than just a girl, maybe we could talk about how the school system failed Peter by allowing the bullying to continue to happen (After all, Gwen shouldn't need to defend him, this shouldn't need to happen.) Even if this hurt Peter, Gwen cannot be responsible for his well-being, close or not, this shouldn't be her job.

However, do I think Gwen could feel guilty about it, for how this identity drove them to this point? OH YES.

She said so in Into the Spiderverse "I couldn't save my best friend Peter, and I don't do friends anymore." She isolated herself for this.

Except that hey, remember how Miles was the exception? Time to talk about Miles!

I find the wording here important, "before Miles, there was Peter." She is putting Miles at the same level as Peter.

Now, I don't think Gwen means she had a crush on Peter (to be honest, I am not sure if at this point Gwen admitted to herself what Miles meant for her, seriously half of what this girl does is related to hiding her feelings even from herself.) But the role they play in her life.

While Miles didn't know Gwen as much as Peter, I think we need to remember what Miles and those ideas in 1610 could have meant for her.

At this point, Gwen doesn't have any friends, is grieving, and her dad is looking to capture her, her life sucks basically.

Then she ends up traveling to another dimension, while not exactly fun for the most part (or painless.) She had the chance to lay low, reset from her current drama; heck she even got to meet Miles a bit before he was officially bitten, and met him just how he is, and at least find him funny.

And I think while short-lived, she being around Miles as spider-woman helped her, because Miles represents the bridge between those worlds.

She met him when he was starting, and while she has been doing this for 2 years, that means she has been painfully enduring this alone for 2 years.

Miles is someone her age, someone who enjoys being around even if it isn't about being spiders, and also understands the pains of being a hero and the pressure that is on your shoulders, as well as the excitement and the desire to do the right thing.

Peter was a big part of her life, but Miles represents all of her being seen, for someone who likes her for who she is, and who she can be honest with.

For the most part.

Because she still clings to the mantle.

Look, feel free to call me crazy, but I believe this part, is sadly, related to this.

I just established how Gwen had put her identity as spider-woman over other people, including those close to her and those who could have been close to her, allowing Miles as an exception basically because they are both spiders, and being a big reason why Miles is important to her.

One way or another, this cost her, and what she does do when she loses someone? Concentrating on being a Spider-woman, of course!

While I don't doubt Gwen is genuinely excited about being part of the organization, something that I can't stop thinking about is how no Jessica Drew, Peter B, Hobie, or anyone in the organization, could feel the gap Gwen felt. The gap that drove her to spend an afternoon with Miles despite what was at stake.

And Jess's being Gwen's mentor is something that is the reason this post keep coming, (because George's parent skills, Gwen clinging to being a hero, are all connected to that.)

Ultimately, it doesn't matter how much she clings to being a Spider-Woman, it can't replace a bond with someone.

Also, as @ficsinhistory said in a reply to one of my post, you are right! Gwen is definitely Captain Stacy's daughter.

Because while he clings to being a cop, not just as a job, but also as his way of life and moral compass (Which gets in the way of his connection with his daughter,) Gwen also clings to being a hero, instead of dealing with her grief and her fears. She probably did the same because well that's what she learned from him right?

Hey does this mean generational traum- I'll See Myself Out.

This, is the face Gwen makes while Miguel tells Miles he needs to let Jeff die.

A lot of people wonder why so many spiders are doing this, and while that's another massive post I am working on (more investigation, why? Because why I would make things easy for myself.) Let's give the clip notes version here.

The surprise is not that Gwen is going along, is how absolutely heartwrenching is to see this when you put in context everything.

You see, for a while, Gwen cling to being spider-woman because it was a way to avoid her grief, now? She doesn't have anything.

While she puts emphasis on her hero work, let's remember what is probably going on in her universe: Gwen is supposed to be a student, to be in a band, to be a regular teen. Being Gwen Stacy is what she has known most of her life, and what should be her main focus, and now everything she ever knows? As far as she is aware, she lost it, she can't have her life back without risking having her own dad send her to jail.

I cannot call Gwen homeless because she has the organization, but that's not much better. Remember how she believes if she fucks this up, she could get sent back home, meaning going to prison and having her dad try to persecute her?

Forget she using this to not deal with her trauma, she was forced to pick up this life because it was this or still lose everything, but everyone may hate her.

The question is now why Gwen did it, is how anyone can see this situation, and can the question ethical when Gwen is having her risk her life, and not in the life and death kind of way, but the type that is the reason life is worth it.

And she clings to this until the bitter end, until-

She got her own band.

We don't know, what will happen in the third movie; but I don't think would be crazy to believe they would try to keep in contact if that's possible.

Here is the thing, regardless of any previous friendship Gwen had with any of them, the fact is this: Gwen said it herself, she is mostly a solo act, and even with thousands of spiders, she can't bring herself to be vulnerable and open up from the most part. Not having people wasn't the problem anymore, was her being unsure to do the first step.

And she has this band, because she wants to save Miles, because regardless of any mistakes she may had done, he is worth the risk, he is worth fighting for, and if she needs to get help to do right by him, so be it.

So who knows, perhaps Gwen gets to stick with this band, all because she decided to think less about what is the right thing to do and to fight for the people who are worth fighting for.

Because Miles became that first friend after Peter, she had the chance to open up and make more, as well as recover those she thought she lost (like her dad.)

Wouldn't that be a beautiful way to end her arc?

[noellie-writes217]

Unemployed and Uneducated

Summary: Peter is desperate for a job after months of living on his own

Warnings: none really, just a few mentions of loneliness and a lost relative

“Peter Parker?” A woman from the unemployment office calls into an overall dejected lobby. Peter looks up from holding his head in his hands as his knee bounces anxiously.

The same few thoughts flood his brain:

* I’m pathetic

* I can’t do this much longer

* I can’t do anything

* I need help

- Who the hell could I ask?

- I’m fucking alone!

- I couldn’t save May, who else can’t I save?

* I am so fucked in the head

- Lost everyone

1. First my parents

2. Ben

3. Tony

4. May

5. Everyone else, including my best friend, my doppelgängers, and of course, the love of my life

Man this shit is gonna give me a complex

* I am so depressed

- I should get medication

- I can’t afford medication

- That’s why I’m at a fucking unemployment agency

* And I’m back to being pathetic

“Here,” Peter pushes away all of those invasive thoughts for the next fifteen minutes in that woman’s office. She types his name into her computer and pushes her glasses up, as if that will change the astonishing lack of… anything.

Peter sits there, awkwardly, eyes darting around the room as if he has no clue about what she’s seeing— not seeing on that screen.

“I’m sorry,” she starts, “I think we’ll just have to “build your resume on print.” The red haired middle aged—Gina, Peter reads the name on the plaque on her desk— grabs a pen and some paper.

“So where did you graduate?”

“Oh, I uh… I had to, uh… dropout…?”

Gina nods and writes something down on the paper. She kinda reminds Peter of a glorified guidance counselor… but maybe a little meaner. “Look Peter, I’m not gonna lie to you, this isn’t looking good for you. Without a GED and a diploma shits gonna get real difficult. I seriously recommend you getting that GED. I can’t give you some entry level jobs to start until you get that degree.”

Now it’s Peter’s turn to nod.

“So tell me about what you like to do.”

‘Apparently, I like to self sabotage a lot.’ He filters himself so he doesn’t projectile word-vomit all over this stranger’s office.

“I wanted to be an engineer. I had my sights set on MIT before I had to drop out.”

———

Trying to think of a time before a traumatic event is extremely difficult. A victim of rape can be triggered by something that once was innocent, like a lemonade stand; a son who used to be pushed by his father on the football field might not be able to play football ever again after they stop talking to their father; a victim of domestic violence might not be able to respond to sudden movements from their partners the same way. And for all of those people, looking back on their memories before the abuse might be difficult to do with a totally unbiased opinion.

Something’s you never forget, like the way Aunt May felt in Peter’s arms just before she died. Or the words she spoke in those final moments, the same words his uncle Ben said when he died.

‘Nothing will ever be the same.’

Peter can’t afford flowers for May’s grave, but he still visits her grave three times a week on average, no less than two in that span.

And that’s where he is right now. Sitting across from her grave stone with his journal between the hedge and him.

“So I’m still looking for a job, and I haven’t really had time to make friends, but it’ll get better soon…” as soon as he feels a tear fall down his right cheek, he sniffles, blinks. And uses his sleeve to wipe it all away.

“Good God, May. Why didn’t you tell me it’d be so hard to make it on my own?” He chuckled somberly, the same way anyone would when they were trying to hide their emotions.

“I don’t want to keep going.” He cries. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can.” A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice says from behind him. “She’d want you to.”

It’s Happy.

Peter closes the journal and stands up as fast as possible for him.

“Sorry,” Happy starts, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

Peter hides his face and can’t even bring himself to self to glance at Happy even by accident, “No no, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I should probably leave anyways.” He starts to step away but Happy takes hold of his jacket sleeve.

“Wait, let me take you to get something to eat,” He smiles, “please. My treat.

Tom takes a moment to consider the offer. The most surprising thing about his moment of hesitation is the fact that he thought about saying no.

“Why would you want to take a stranger out to eat?” He asks.

“I don’t know. You just remind me of someone that I can’t quite place.”

Peter smiles with a glint of hope in his eyes.

— — —

“So,” Happy starts as Peter munches on his cheeseburger, “what’s a young kid like you doing visiting someone’s grave instead of going to school?”

Peter puts down the burger, “I had to drop out actually.” Happy leans back on the booth bench.

“It’s not drugs or anything,” Peter reassures the older man, “I just don’t have the money for anything and I need to earn money for rent.”

“So was May helping you with that before she died?” Happy asks.

Peter debates being forthcoming about his past, but decides against it because he doesn’t have the strength anymore. He lost that at the Statue of Liberty.

“Yeah. My parents died and she always managed to find someway to help me.” Peter smiled.

“I was her boyfriend,” Happy begins, “she never mentioned you. Peter, are you hiding something?” Peter gets a l little nervous.

“I went to the soup kitchen after school. She helped so many that she probably had no idea the effect she had on me.” He covers his ass.

Happy is still suspicious but doesn’t push. “Well, Peter, you seem like a good kid. I’m sure everything will work out eventually.”

“Thank you, Mr. Hogan.”

“So where’s the first place on your list?” He asks.

“What?”

“You said you’re looking for a job, tell me where you’re looking and I can give you a ride.”

“Stormy’s Autobody.”

[shardofcognition]

Miguel Misunderstands the Canon

... But not completely. Theory:

Canon in Across the Spiderverse is the driving force behind most of the conflict in the movie. According to the Spider Bureau, canon events bind the various spider universes together, serving as points of common connection that anchor them to both each other and existence itself. And these events... can be kind of rough. The Death of Uncle Ben being the first and most iconic event in the Spider Canon. That formative loss binds together the various incarnations of Spider Man in the first movie, and across all the universes. It wasn't until Tom Holland's Spiderman lost May that many felt his journey into being Spiderman was complete.

That loss binds the Spiders, but it's not always the same, even if its effect is common. Peter lost Ben. Gwen lost Peter. Holland's Peter lost May. And Miles… lost his Uncle. Which puts Miles, importantly, within the canon *in his own right.*

Miguel, though, I'm told, doesn't necessarily have his own Uncle Ben moment. He is, maybe even more than Miles, an odd one out. But more on that later.

---

The Spider Bureau pretty quickly figured out that canon events exist, and that they have traits in common that might render them predictable. And, thanks to Miguel's meddling, they've discovered that interfering in those events can have catastrophic effects. It can untether a Spiderverse from the canon web, sending it careening into oblivion.

One of those canon events involves Peter having to choose between saving two people, one of them a police captain he's close to, and watching as that captain doesn't make it out alive. And this is where Miles "screws up" Pavitr Prabhakar's canon, and it's immediately apparent that the changes damaged the universe.

Whatever anyone else speculates, there's something important going on - canon events DO seem to exist, there are clearly consequences to careless intervention, and they do seem to be fairly predictable. But when that leads Miles to realize his own father might be in danger, Miguel tries to hold him back from saving his father, because he isn't willing to risk the integrity of the Spiderverse any more than he has to. Miles, though, cries out that if he knows something terrible is going to happen, he cannot help but try to stop it.

And this is why Miguel has it wrong.

---

What are Canon Events? What do we know about them? They're pivotal, formative events in Spiderman's history that have an indelible effect on his character - that shape who he IS. And this is why Miguel's abstention is JUST as deviant as Miles' outside intervention. The whole POINT of a canon event is that it shapes who Spiderman is and who he becomes. If he abandons who he is and becomes someone different in order to avoid affecting that timeline, he's broken it just the same.

Our big example, Pavitr Prabhakar, is a situation where there are two people he could save, one an adult authority figure who he's got a dual relationship with, the other a child and a stranger. And he is supposed to choose one and lose the other. But, why?

The clue is in his introduction. Pavitr is high on life, having a good time, brimming with snark and optimism. But he also throws out a few red flags. He announces, for one, that he doesn't work out or train because he's not interested in ruining his aesthetic, and his natural ability is sufficient. And that is what is at issue, here. Pavitr is consciously less than he could be, because he thinks he can handle whatever life throws at him as he is right now. Losing Officer Singh would have been a hard reminder, that regardless of how strong he might be, he has his limits, he needs to grow, and the people around him are still heroic and yet at greater risk.

In short, preventing that event doesn't affect the universe because Officer Singh needed to die. It affects the universe because Pavitr Prabhakar needed to GROW. And if Pavitr DOES grow, winds up with that visceral lesson in his own limits, it probably solves whatever instability has rocked his timeline.

For that reason, also, Gwen's not out of the woods. Because, she, too, needs to grow... but it's a different lesson than is facing Pavitr and Miles, and so it will probably, ultimately, be a different event she has to face.

---

Finally, we can come back to the man himself, Miguel. Some people think he's lying about his own brush with deviation from the canon. But I think, ultimately, what happened was that he was harshly brought back into line.

The story, as he tells it, is that he lost his family, but had gained the ability to cross between universes. And, with that power, the thought, "Why not?"

"Why shouldn't I be happy?"

"Why can't I just use this power for myself? Who, exactly, am I hurting, if I just take what isn't earned, if it makes me happy?"

And what happens? It gets the people that he cares about killed.

This happens all the time in the Spider Canon. It's the story of Uncle Ben, where Spiderman, new to his powers, uses them selfishly and abdicates his responsibility. And as such, what happens? He puts other people's lives at risk, loses the person closest to him, and has to take responsibility for that power so that other people don't suffer the same way.

Miguel DOESN'T lack an Uncle Ben Event.

Miguel's Uncle Ben was his entire borrowed universe.

And he doesn't understand it.

[winniethewife]

You Can’t Always Save Everybody.

(Miguel O’hara x Spidersona!Scarlette Web)

Chapter 2

Last chapter ~ Next chapter

Words: 1129

Once Miguel and the others were finally free, they sent Gwen home, this was obviously above her level. Peter and Miguel went to Valentine's apartment only to find it mostly abandoned. Her things lay scattered all around, her books gathered dust, the kitchen empty, and all the blueprints for the gadgets she made for the spider society were torn and burnt around the edges.

“Miguel. Look.” Peter pointed it out, it was her old black and blue spider suit lay over the back of the couch left like she had gone on her last patrol as spider woman, only to leave again as Scarlett Web. Miguel held the fabric in his hand, his face a mixture of sadness, frustration, and anger.

“How the hell did I miss the signs? She needed me…” Miguel mutters mostly to himself. Miguel started pacing around Valentine’s apartment as if he could still find her there. It was a fruitless effort, but his head still refused to accept the reality before his very eyes.

“This isn’t true… not Valentine…” he whispered to himself, as his fingers held the fabric tightly the soft scent of her still lingering on it

They started to search the apartment for anything to help them find her. He was searching her bedroom while Peter was going through her computer in the other room. He about to give up before he found her diary. He flipped through it to try and see if there were any clues to where she might be. As he's looking through he is surprised to find several Polaroids of her and her Miguel, accompanied short journal entries.

A picture of her and Her Miguel dressed in typical gothic teen fashion in high school, He has his arm wrapped around her they’re both smirking at the camera.

“May 18th - Miguel has been calling me this really sweet nickname, Chiquitita. I really love it. I keep calling him Tiger, he thinks it’s funny.”

Miguel couldn’t help but feel his heart break as he read on. He looked at the few Polaroids, his heart dropping as he took in Valentine’s words.

“Chiquitita…” He hadn’t really thought about her relationship with her husband. She didn’t talk about it with him, but this other Miguel called her Chiquitita.

He flipped to a recent entry, no more polaroid pictures filing every page.

“August 4th- I don't know what happened today. Miguel wouldn't talk to me today. Barely looked at me. Did I do something? He's gotten really distant, and I’m trying to be understanding with everything that happened, but today he completely ignored me. I don't understand.” Miguel paused over the single sentence of the next entry. “August 7th- I must have done something terrible for him to treat me this way.”

Miguel could only stare at the page before him the guilt was eating him alive just from the thought of the pain Valentine must have felt.

“August 14th - This new tech I'm working on. It's beyond the ethics of the spider society. This stuff...is lethal. We don't kill people. At least not intentionally. Miguel hasn't been over seeing my work anymore he doesn't come to my lab anymore at all. I don't know why. But I know if he knew what I was working on. Wouldn't approve it anyway.”

“There might not be a way back for Valentine …” he whispered out loud, as he read on through the latest entries.

“September 1st- I don't know how I ever considered him my friend. Miguel went from ignoring me, to cruel side comments to, to this? Sending me on an anomaly mission entirely alone? No back up? I thought I was going to die. And I get back and he's just pissed I couldn't catch it. Yelled at me for like an hour. I've cried over him so often but this is too much. I can't cry anymore.”

Miguel remembers this fight. About a week before she left. Valentine had left because of their fight, where he had hurt her feelings. All of that time, and that was what finally broke her.

“September 9th- I killed a man tonight. I was walking home from the store. He tried to attack me. All I can think of is how Miguel would have reacted. Would he have wanted me to defend myself? Or would he tell me that I should have been more careful, and that as a spider woman I can't get away with things like that. I hate how much control I let him have over me.” At the bottom of this entry is a separate note, “APD-MERCY”

Miguel felt his heart sink when he read the last entry She killed a man. Valentine… Valentine was a murderer. This wasn’t a matter of getting Valentine back for Miguel. He failed at that, this was about stopping her. Peter came in the room with the laptop and a worried look on his face.

“you should look at this.” He says handing him the laptop. It was an article about MERCY, Miguel read it over.  MERCY was a type altering perspective drug or APD. These kinds of drugs are legal for recreational and medical use and are commonly available in this universe. But some kinds are harder to get your hands on. Depending on what kind you took for it would change your point of view. MERCY specifically was used in this universe's Military to help soldiers and veterans move past killing someone and to continue killing, it was unclear if the drug would convince someone who was unwilling to kill to do so, or just prevented the trauma that came with it.

“Dios Mio…If she’s using this…what kind of damage has she done?” Miguel wonders aloud

“I wish I could tell you, nothing like APD’s exists in any other universe we’ve discovered. We are going into completely unknown territory here.” Peter explains carefully, his eyes drifting to the diary in Miguel’s hands. “Mig…How are we going to get her back?”

“I don’t know if we can.” Miguel looks down at the diary again flipping back to the last Polaroid She ever took with her Miguel, they were at central park. It was winter, both of them wearing leather jackets with spikes and embellishments. Valentines raven hair pulled back under a beanie, a hoop in her nose piercing, she always wore a stud now, and a wide smile on her face, one he’d never seen before. This Miguel looked almost just like him, slightly slimmer, an eye brow and lip piercings, a hat pulled over his mussed up hair, he’s resting his head on top of hers, glimmering brown eyes, a smile that seemed most foreign to him on an identical face. He sighs. “But we’ll have to try.”

~

Masterlist

tag: @femmeanonymelives

[mitz-prompts]

prompt: will is a children's tv actor

an AU where, instead of going into law enforcement, Will accidentally became an actor on children's television. like, think Steve from Blue's Clues. aimed at the 2-6 year olds.

his personality is the same as canon when he's off camera, but on camera he fakes it for 8 hours at a time.

the best parts of will being on kids tv is that

he would be genuinely very good at it because empathy brain lets him understand children better than others

he's very expressive when he wants to be, and he could be very expressive to communicate on tv

he would still think about serial killers all the fucking time and he would be absolutely terrified of anyone finding out about that. (as opposed to canon where everyone kinda already suspects that the guy who thinks about killing all the time is probably fucked in the head)

hannibal watching the tv show obsessively and super embarrassed about it because it's literally children's tv

there's a tiny part of hannibal that feels like watching his "friend" Will on the tv soothes the ache of his lost childhood

he thinks about how mischa would have loved this show and he cries.

you know how kids tv actors talk to you like they're in the room with you and you're their special friend??? yeah just drop kick hannibal in the heart

i dont know if this works for peter bernardone specifically because he's canonically pretty mature, but if hannibal is treating regressed and formerly-violent patients in the bshci, will could come visit because he keeps getting fan letters from them and he's the only children's tv actor who would actually give that demographic the time of day

will being just as friendly and engaging with the developmentally disabled adults as he would be with kids.... yeah

will probably does end up seeing hannibal for therapy because he (accidentally on purpose?) tracked down the minnesota shrike and confronted him when the fbi took too long to get there. or something. like i'm picturing will still falling into the canon plot beats by virtue of being interested in serial killers still.

hannibal lies about why he's so familiar with will's tv show... he intended to entirely fabricate an imaginary child but then his mouth started talking and suddenly he was describing his daughter mischa, oops

i can see will being like, sort of interested in Hannibal from the start of their interactions (however the hell they cross paths in the first place) but Hannibal definitely seems very adult and their relationship is very adult and... hannibal just seems so put together that will feels a little bit alienated from him. but the way hannibal's face lights up when they talk about the show, and how Will relates to the children through the screen.... Will thinks that at least he can vibe with Hannibal on the level of Hannibal's paternal love for mischa

then he finds out the truth and its like oh? shit. my boner. because hannibal just wants a friend in the most pure way even though he can't admit to it out loud. and its like the perfect mirror for Will who can't admit his darker edges and has to keep a clean veneer.... hannibal has a darker veneer but inside wants something wholesome too

[keef-a-corn]

Rewatching TFP-

Giving you commentary of episode 6 -Masters and Students.

(I would talk about episodes 1 - 5, except I watched them yesterday and it made me realise that they stress me the hell out. Instead I’m going to cover episodes that don’t stress me out nearly as much)

Also I watch Transformers Prime on Stan (I’m pretty sure Stan is only in Australia, but it’s a streaming service and has every episode of TFP), so if any of these time stamps don’t match up, I’m sorry.

~~~~I begin now~~~~

Not saying much about the first part because it’s pretty much as seen.

*intro*

02:52 - scenes like these where it’s just Ratchet and Optimus cannot be viewed without at least one ‘this is proof their marriage certificate exists’ moments.

03:14 - and there it is. Optimus literally just when ‘mm’ and Ratchet immediately switched up his approach, the second approach worked significantly better.

03:44 - I like how you can tell Optimus has significantly larger strides when running compared to Ratchet. He started off further away, but arrived faster and closer.

04:00 - NOTHING BOILS MY BLOOD MORE THAN WHEN MIKO SAID

‘Whoopsie’ LIKE WHO THE FRAG ARE YOU?! WHERE TF DID MIKO GO?!

04:02 - ‘h-what… in the allspark’. Ratchet pronouncing ‘what’ that way is all the proof that’s needed to come to a conclusion that he’s old. Take that clip outta context and everyone witnessing it will know that he’s closer to his deathbed than a mid-life crisis.

04:15 - Not even close to being an accurate comparison.

04:21 - DAMN RIGHT, RATCHET! THEY ARE MAKING A MESS! MIKO BEING WEIRDLY MESSY WITH THE PAINT, BEE AND RAF TRIGGERING FIGHT OR FLIGHT, JACK AND ARCEE… Being weird- I mean.. for the bots, wouldn’t that be like trying to construct a body?

04:27 - then why did you leave it to the last minute, Raf?.

04:34 - Soooo close, Ratchet, but Bulkhead doesn’t need to know about the solar system to help Miko paint, same with Bee needing to know about Volcanoes to assist in constructing a model like that.

04:33 ~ 04:46 - Optimus just standing but like ‘just gonna let him talk it out’

~sorry, not much to say either~

05:55 - I wanna know what Bee’s saying. It seems interesting!

05:58 - Honestly Raf saying that clues me in even less.

06:05 - OPTIMUS’S HAND ON BEE’S SHOULDERRRRR! It’s so big! Aaaaaa

06:06 - Optimus calling Bee awesome.

Also Optimus confirming Bee’s very young.

06:54 - I really like how Peter pronounces ‘Bumblebee’ in Optimus’s voice. Just makes it sound so regal, then you remember it’s the word ‘Bumblebee’. + Optimus had no reason as to choose Bumblebee (aside from plot), Bulkhead was most likely not needed because we saw Miko’s project was pretty much complete and Jack was most likely the only one that would require assistance from Ratchet as Arcee was clearly no help.

07:07 - damn, those two strong as hell.

07:40 - Gotta keep his Bee safe. + he looks so concerned as he watches Optimus walk away.

07:49- Starscream had a whole choreographed dance for ‘rise and serve’

08:15 - I like Skyquake. What a waste. ALSO HE LOWERS HIS UPPER HALF TO TALK TO STARSCREAM, BUT TECHNICALLY HE IS BOWING!

08:55 - LMAO he really just pushed him away.

09:11 - Aww Bee gotta check on Optimusss

09:39 - Optimus just watching them like: 🧍

09:40 - SLAY, SKYQUAKE!

10:11 - Scraaaaaaaaap I love Soundwave’s designnn (I know he shows up earlier in the ep, it was just at this point that I truly stopped to appreciate them)

10:37 - Bee’s eyes are so interesting.

10:50 - Gotta protecc his faaather.

10:56 - Ayo- Bee- WTF?? He really just tapped into his inner insect abilities.

11:01 - Optimus immediately stepping in when Bumblebee was down *cri*

11:04 - He really just threw Bumblebee.

11:30 - Optimus leans in a bit closer when saying ‘vehicle mode’ to Bumblebee. He doesn’t want Skyquake to hear. And Bee kinda perks up as he realises Optimus is right.

11:52 - Ratchet’s inner goat

12:17 - That’s me doing all the work in science because the rest of my group is an idiot.

13:40 - It took me four rewatches to understand that Soundwave repeats ‘must bear witness’ as a command he’s making.

14:00 - of Agent Fowler didn’t show up in this episode, I bet that Optimus and Bee would’ve benefited greatly.

14:22 - Now that I think about it… odds are, Skyquake isn’t calling Bee ‘bug’ because his name is ‘Bumblebee’, instead it’s more likely he called Bee ‘bug’ because he considers him a small inconvenience that could simply be squished. I feel ashamed that it’s taken me this long.

14:39 - Bee’s face rises ever so slightly- he’s obviously happy, it’s just that I never noticed it.

14:58 - See? He’s distracting the bots and giving Skyquake a vehicle mode.

16:33 - Starscream landing so nicely gives me life.

16:58 - he touched da boob.

17:18 - to disagree~ I’m sorry-

18:34 - Oh that must’ve hurt-

18:39 - Father watches son fly off on plane.

18:41 - Father immediately calls in only air support to retrieve son.

18:53 - Bee showing off his surfer skills, but also that he’s smart by committing mid air murder.

19:01 - whoever chose for Bee to make that sound when plummeting to his death, thank you. You couldn’t have chosen a more perfectly silly sound for this very dangerous situation./g

19:04 - yeas, it is, Fowler, so why are you waiting?

19:12 - Bee showing off perfect coordination abilities

19:40 - Damn- Bee teleports now-

19:56 - Optimus condemning the strategy before praising the performance is very smart. I will not explain further

20:08 - I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, TO ME, OPTIMUS SMILED WHEN RATCHET GOT EXCITED.

20:49 - if there’s a remote, why does the volcano have buttons?

21:08 - Optimus engages with a joke.. why does no one mention this?!

M’kay, those were my thoughts.

Lemme know if you thought differently/disagree with my points/have more to add.

I like hearing people’s perspectives.

[inthretis]

Prescription: Murder is Columbo's Origin Story

A while back, I watched all of Columbo from start to finish, before going back and watching the two TV movies made before season 1. There are two of them, made in 1968 and 1971, before the show started with season 1 in 1971.

Prescription: Murder, produced and aired 3 years before the series, has a lot of TV show pilot quirks to it that make it feel like a prequel. This detective we see is not the Lieutenant Columbo we know by the show's start in season 1. Indeed Peter Falk looks too young for the role, not quite middle-aged. By 1971 though, he looks the part through the passage of time.

PM Columbo has a few differences from later Columbo: he’s not so bumbling, he doesn’t wear the raincoat all the time, he’s much less unkempt, and most importantly, he’s harsher.

He tries to browbeat, harass, yell, and get a confession from the accomplice, a young woman, to the point where she almost cries.

This is far from the Columbo of old. Early on in the story, the DA says that a case like this would be great for his career. This might be a version of Columbo newer to being a lieutenant, one not yet accustomed to duking it out with intelligent murderers.

He immediately suspects the murderer, but can’t find any clues. For the longest time, it really does seem like the murderer has the upper hand, and based on what we know later on, the murderer did have the upper hand, unlike later episodes where Columbo pretends to be defeated to lull his suspects into a sense of false security. The murderer, a psychologist, psychoanalyzes Columbo, giving us the viewer a complete rundown and summary of who Columbo is as a character.

Columbo decides that the only way was to attack the weak link, the accomplice. This doesn’t work out. He is only able to get a confession out of her after he proves to her that the man she loves doesn’t love her, and was planning to have her murdered. So Columbo here must realize that it is much better and easier to convince people to confess, rather than force and attack them into doing so.

ACAB, including Columbo, until after his first case where he got character development. (Although he still shows signs of this bastardry, though he reserves it for the murderers).

This also explains why in the second TV movie, Ransom for a Dead Man, the very second Falk Columbo appearance, has him being a police liaison for kidnapping, three years after the first movie with seemingly no cases in between. Columbo really did burn through his political capital, and being early on, he doesn’t have the sheer amount of goodwill he had with his police department like we see in Blueprint for Murder and Columbo Cries Wolf, so after the Prescription Murder case, he was reassigned to kidnapping, likely due to influence from the DA who was friends with the murderer in PM.

Then he solves another murder in Ransom For a Dead Man, proving it wasn’t a fluke, the rest of the series goes on from there. By the end of the first season, he’s able to spend millions in taxpayer dollars to dig up a concrete foundation just to catch a criminal.

While yes, Columbo is from New York, and then became a cop in LA, it was this specific case that turned Columbo from a normal police lieutenant into the legendary detective he is.

[video-gh0st]

So back in June I watched all the Ghostbusters films cause it was the anniversary of the original movie and I thought I'd do a quick bullet point review since it's been a bit since I watched them all together.

Ghostbusters (1984)

It's still a classic. Has memorable moments that will live on.

Fun scenes. Going after Slimer is always silly and chaotic.

Peter Venkman is a rough. I actually had a person tell me that Venkman is the reason why they never watched the first movie, and I don't blame them.

Wish there was a bit more build up to the confrontation with Gozer. Would be neat if they kept uncovering clues rather than just the moment they figured it out in the jail cell.

Ghostbusters II (1989)

I don't know why people dunk on this movie, it's great!

You can tell the cast and crew are having more fun and things are a bit more fleshed out.

Venkman actually has some good character growth and is not a total creep!

I actually like the build up to the climax on this one. Throughout the movie, there's a focus on the slime buildup in the city and the flow of the story feels good.

Some fun light scares.

I kinda don't like the whole "the ghosts just stop showing up" thing. It's a trope specifically for this franchise that's not really explained. Just "yeah nothing happened between the movies and people think, we're frauds again! Gotta do it all over again!"

Ghostbusters: Answer the Call (2016)

This movie gets a lot of undeserved hate thrown towards it for being the female lead reboot. A bunch of misogynist trolls threw a fit and never gave it a shot the moment it was announced.

The cast was great tbh. Everyone seemed to gel with one another.

Chris Hemsworth plays a himbo and we see him with his shirt off.

I really like the main antagonist in this movie. I think his character could have been fleshed out a bit more, but still fun idea.

The gear looks really cool in this movie.

Some scenes do keep going a bit too long and has like not good Saturday Night Live skit energy. I think they relied a bit too much on improv.

How the fuck is Chris Hemsworth the funniest motherfucker alive and why is he so cute?

There's a teeny tiny bit a queerness in this story, but I also feel like there's themes of found family going on here too and I like that.

Chris Hemsworth plays a himbo and we see him with his shirt off.

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)

Trailers do this movie a disservice by making it feel like it's going for a Stranger Things feel, kinda relying a bit too much on nostalgia or even doing the "wow kids these days." It just felt like they didn't have any confidence on the movie itself when marketing this tbh.

The tone is a bit more serious, but honestly I'm fine with it. Still has some funny moments, but it's leaning more into the horror part a bit more.

Watching Phoebe learn more about her grandfather is honestly fun. And this movie does a great job with handing things off to a new generation in a way that doesn't feel like it's disingenuous.

Literally cried at the end. Honestly that ending felt wonderful and it felt like a good tribute to Harold Ramis.

I don't know why, but my first watch of this last year wasn't as good as the second watch this year. I don't know what happened. But I remember the first time I watched this and felt like it was just ok but not my favorite. Maybe it was just a bit of frustration that the sequel to Answer the Call got cancelled before it could even get into full production.

I appreciate the movie using some practical effects. There are just certain elements that you can't mess with in Ghostbusters movie and they nailed it.

Muncher is my least favorite ghost tbh. Idk, there are people who love Muncher and I do like the tardigrade inspired design, but idk, they didn't appeal to me like the other ghosts did.

[dan-loves-writing]

Can we all just agree that Harley would 100% be a one direction stan? Thank you.

[worstloki]

Thor: *starts laughing and sobbing*

Guardians: what's wrong

Thor: loki would wear leather to sneak around because its made of hide, guys, HIDE-

Guardians: *groans*

[pepperonijem]

Backburner || Peter Parker

pairing: non avenger!peter parker x reader (college!au) warnings: this is just a lot of angst /: word count: 900 summary: you only feel alive when you’re crisping up on his back burner a/n: i went to see NIKI in concert last week and i was in shambles afterward… i will never recover so here’s some angst (also on pepperonidk)

Your finger hovers over the green button even before the second ring and you tell yourself to count to 13 before you let it make contact with the screen. The slight tremor in your hand is enough to remind yourself why you should have hit decline instead, but when his tired voice fills your ears, it hits you like air in your lungs and you wonder how you even live when he’s not there.

“Hey,” he says. He sounds sad, and the silence in the background instead of the usual overlapping chatter tells you he’s alone too. He must have snuck away to his room to get away from everyone.

“Hey yourself,” you reply, trying to tone down your excitement. It had been weeks since Peter had last called you and you had missed him, to say the least. Every day the temptation to call him first, to text him first, grew harder and harder to resist. But you told yourself it was time to break yourself out of this perpetual cycle of being at the beck and call of someone who you would never be able to call yours. Did you ever actually break out of it?

If you did, you wouldn’t be here, sitting with your unfinished assignments scattered in front of you on your desk, lying that you have nothing to do so you could listen to him talk idly about a song he learned on his guitar by The Goo Goo Dolls and how he wanted to play it for this new girl he’s been seeing lately.

You roll your eyes and decide right then that The Goo Goo Dolls are dead to you. But you don’t say this out loud. Instead you say, “Oh she’ll love that. Anyone would be lucky to hear you sing that for them.”

And you wish he would tell you that you’re the only person he could ever dedicate a love song to. Instead he says “Right? I think she’s pretty into me already so this is just gonna seal the deal.”

You have nothing to say to that, but part of you is scared that enough silence might convince him to hang up the phone, and you aren’t sure you’d be able to go another 3 weeks without his voice. So you ask instead about the new Star Wars show he started watching and it gets him going.

You don’t have a single clue what he’s talking about but you do know that when he says “I miss watching movies with you,” your heart skips and you feel the oh so familiar ache of missing him once again.

Maybe he’ll finally choose you after he’s had more time.

But maybe, you’ll settle for being the one he calls when the girls he loves become a song in his notes app about never being the one who’s chosen and you’ll do the same thing you do now –

You’ll hate yourself for picking up his call but feel a twisted sense of pride when he tells you you’re the only person he would ever tell this to. He’ll tell you that there’s no one else like you and sometimes he might even tell you that he hopes your heart never breaks the way his does and he’ll never know that it already has.

He’ll call you and he’s crying, which he never does in front of anyone but you. He asks for advice and in a month you hear him repeat your words on in a letter he wrote to another girl and you’ll remind yourself that he looks ugly when he cries. You’ll hate him for a week but then he calls again to invite you over and you’ll fight yourself all the way to the front door as you wear the perfume he likes and the shirt he once gave you and you’ll find yourself laying against his chest, his arm wrapped loosely around your waist and you’ll close your eyes and pretend that he called you here because he loves you and not just to feel the familiar warmth of a body next to his. While he’s asleep, you’ll let a tear slip out and tell yourself it’s the last time.

But when you wake up without him beside you the next morning and you see the burnt pancakes pushed to the back corner of his stove with a note that says “don’t eat these! They’re no good, be back soon :)” you remember where you exist in his heart and you wonder if he’ll forget about you the way he did the pancakes. But every time he’ll come back and you’ll let your own heart root for him just a little more.

He’ll be back. Peter always comes back.

You say it to yourself every time he leaves. Maybe that’s why you believe it now too. After weeks of radio silence, when you think he’s finally gone, and you can finally pull yourself away from his grasp on you to find someone who won’t love you part-time, his name will etch itself onto your phone.

You’ll find yourself here once again answering a siren’s call, and you’ll curtsy with a smile right as you walk off the plank.

Maybe he’ll finally choose you after he’s had more time.

The truth is you know he won’t. But whether it’s of free will or predestined, you know you’ll always find yourself on his back burner.

[asmo-d3us]

1. obviously when they make the characters cracker white and homophobically straight

2. that remus is a soft fluffy boy with sweater paws and emotional + cries every second? like dude, he was literally so unemotional that people thought he was heartless, wdym he cried when he ran out of chocolate?!? (he isn’t heartless it’s an exaggeration)

3. sirius being so girly??? like hello let him be a little feminine but why make him wear pink skirts and frilly shit?? yes to eyeliner and makeup and tight clothing + tank tops but the skirt shit make me a bit weirded out considering it’s SIRIUS

4. regulus being so calm and chill with sirius + opening up so easily about his feelings with everyone and being very physical and touchy with them (even friends)..like excuse me this boy has trauma? and issues? and problem with touch and emotional situations?? wdym he’s opening up easily?? do you know how long it took for him to even breath the wrong way around his friends?!

5. sirius being calm when he finds out about james and regulus. like, what?? he’d go absolutely insane and protective over both of them, fight with his biological brother, yell at james to break up with him, tell regulus to stop manipulating james, etc. all hell would break loose!

6. peter being left out. listen, i understand this, but making it to the point where the marauders didn’t give a shit about him is stupid. they trusted peter with their lives, literally—and you’re over here making him left out and be hated on?? he’s always tried to be included and he never was, literally might’ve went into a state of depression or stopped eating bc it might’ve been about his weight, and his friends would 100% notice and talk to him about it!!

7. sirius did not do the prank consciously, he was under a curse/hex/jinx/spell of some kind. i have no clue what you’re talking about, period.

8. dumb door and sniveling snape were NOT good people.

What’s one (or more) headcanon about the Marauders era character that you just don’t like?

Can be anything! This is a safe place!!

[theroomofreq]

can you give me muggle jily recs pleaaseeee <3 :D

HOW MANY HIGH-QUALITY MUGGLE JILY FICS ARE THERE?? TOO MANY TO COUNT. *cracks knuckles* BUT I am here for the challenge. Jily AUs are my JAM.

Again, shoutout to our amazing @jilyarchive friends who tag every wonderful muggle jily au they come across. here is the link that will take you to their tags page. You'll find links to specific tropes and AUs :')

I've searched through my own AO3 bookmarks and history tabs, and I present to you 28 jily muggle fics that I LOVE. I am THRILLED thinking about all the good things in store for those that read these wonderful stories. This list took me ages to make because I went through and reread most of these brilliant fics. Happy reading !! xx

properly improper by @lizardcookie

“Marry me,” Mr. Potter repeats, closing the distance between them by striding back up towards the sofa, only to stop and crouch to one knee right there at her feet, looking up at her. Burning. “Pick me,” he elaborates. “Pick me, choose me, love me instead.”

- this fic is the reason why I comment the way that I do (spoiler it's because it's amazing)

The Wedding Ring by @mppmaraudergirl

What is undeniably worse than attending your sister's wedding looking as desolate and forgotten as a wilted houseplant? Drunkenly ringing your ex-boyfriend and asking him to be your date.

- SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE PERFECTION

Oh my god, they were ROOMMATES by @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world

Silly one-shot, Muggle AU with Fem!Jily as pining roommates and Marlene as their matchmaker.

- the fic that brought me back to jily and inspired my deep obsession of fem!jily

Swipe Right, Swing Left by @downn-in-flames

The unspoken rule of using dating apps in D.C. is that you always start with where you work.

James Potter, it seems, never picked up on that one.

- giddy just thinking about this gem

'Tis the Damn Season by @petalstofish

It doesn't feel like Christmas for Lily Evans, not after losing her parents to COVID before the Holiday season. She anticipates spending Christmas all alone until a boy from her past shows up and offers her a mutually benefiting deal that has her calling him 'babe' just for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, after all.

- cries in respect for lyrical writing

Watch Me Unwind by @maraudersftw

Lily Evans hates her job, hates the bigoted customers she has to serve as a bartender at the richest club in the city. But the one person who makes bearing all of it worth it has someone else in his arms tonight. (Rated: M)

- obsessed with the way the plot jumps around the time line in this

oil be there for you by @abby10fanfic

Texting/Social Media AU: Lily and James haven't spoken for 2 years. But that's all about to change thanks to Peter and his involvement in an essential oil pyramid scheme. Featuring boss babes, toxin-free lifestyles, binding contracts, and a very oily journey.

- YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FAB THIS IS

a matchmaking mission by @downn-in-flames

James Potter has a mission: get Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to finally admit that they both fancy the pants off each other by Valentine's Day.

His partner in crime? Lily Evans, Remus' flatmate, who he also happens to be slightly in love with

- DOUBLE the amount of pining idiots in love :")

about time by @jilyss

'sure, yeah, I can accompany you to that black tie event for your work tonight. wait. why are we on a red carpet?'

- this is my emotional comfort fic, your honor

whiskey business by @elanev91

Sirius Black has a (bad?) habit of picking up hobbies that take over his and James' flat -- this most recent one? Homemade vodka that James now has to try and peddle to everyone in the building.

- hysterical! must read!

Fashion Disaster by @maraudersftw

James Potter is roped into an awful dare by his best-mate, which involves him wearing atrocious pieces of clothing for all days until Christmas as dictated by Sirius. If this wasn't terrible enough, he now has to contend with his maddening crush on the beautiful saleswoman at the clothing store.

- classic hijinks that I live for

it wasn't a pity invite by @elanev91

Part of the December "Winter Tropes" Jily challenge. Prompt: my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and omG i’m so sorry

- awkward Christmas date that owns my heart

spice and honey by @clare-with-no-i

tagging along with her food reporter sister to profile James Potter, London's hottest young chef, is not how Lily Evans pictured her Monday going - especially if he's anything like Petunia’s described.

needless to say, she's in for a whirlwind at Chez Maraudeur.

- I'm one re-read away from printing this out and putting it on my bookshelf.

Waffle Wars by @elanev91

There's only one waffle maker in the dining hall and it literally always breaks. So, naturally, the only reasonable course of action is to meticulously map out when it's working and, ultimately, do a heist.

- the witty narration in this fic can not be matched

You Can Hear It In The Silence by @alrightginger

Lily is non-verbal and deaf in a world where the things your soulmate says about you end up written on your skin. She has known about her soulmate since she was seven, but knows they don't have a clue she exists and possibly never will.

- exquisite, cue me sobbing forever

out the window by @displayheartcode

A new family moves to Ottery St Catchpole.

- everything I could ever want in a fic, forever in my mind rent free

The Christmas Guest by @thegodmachine

An Evans Family Christmas: Petunia is bringing her fiancé and Lily is bringing her…Friend…

- petunia pov that gives me WINGS

Football, Calculus, and Cappuccinos by @moonawrites

At eighteen years old, James Potter has a lot going on. He's a rising star navigating the politics of professional football, the pitfalls of sudden fame, the fallout from choosing his dream over his father's company... and a serious crush on the red headed new barista at his favourite coffee shop.

- I'm still working my way through this fic, but trust me when I say its a GEM

if u like pina coladas by @zephyrcove

Lily is desperate for a date to Petunia's wedding, James has been pining, and their friends meddle ;)

- explain to me how characters can be so perfect via texting fics?

Shelf Awareness by @ghostofbambifanfiction

It's too far out of her way and she's wasting so much money, but Lily can't help but return to the bookstore every weekend, where her passion for good literature has, perhaps, been unexpectedly reignited by the messy-haired, pun-making, rather handsome bloke who works there.

- you absolutely must know that I binge read this and then immediately REREAD it

How to win a witch in 10 days by @adenei

“She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?” But what happens when the man in question is a blast from Lily Evans's past? A Jily Magical AU based on the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."

- fic based off of a rom com? YES PLZ :’)

The Fight Before Christmas by @ghostofbambifanfiction

The heartwarming Christmas tale of Lily Evans and James Potter - two plucky kids who hated one other, until the day they really, really didn't.

- complete sucker for this one

All This Time by @thejilyship

James and Lily grew up next door to one another. Their bedroom windows giving them glimpses into the others life, and also offering prime opportunities to argue with each other over every little thing. They never figured out how to be friends when they were kids, but now that they've graduated from college and are home for the summer, they have a second chance to get things right.

- one of my favvvv tropes

Let Me Love You by @thejilyship

With only a month until she's set to take the throne of Gryffindor, Lily is informed that she'll have to get married or choose to give up her throne. She never thought she'd have to even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Enter, James Potter.

- cries in princess diares AU

The Fabulous Baker Brothers by @frustratedpoetwrites

Lily walks a different route home from work and stumbles upon a cute little Bakery with an even cuter baker in the window.

- yes yes yes to embarrassed pining.

Marigold Mornings by @mppmaraudergirl

This is a fun game she thinks, as she removes her hand from his side and reaches up to run it down his chest.  He catches her hand in his own, takes a step forward so that her nose nearly brushes against his shirt. She can feel the heat radiating off of him—or maybe it’s from her. He licks his lips and her eyes are drawn to the motion.  She knows it is a bad idea, absolutely knows it.

- incredible storytelling featuring dynamic characters :') a favvv

Welcome to Pettyville by@women-inthe-sequel @alrightginger

When Lily Evans accidentally sends a text to the wrong number, she isn’t expecting to find the right person behind it. She can’t stop talking to Prongs. The only thing is, Prongs can’t stop talking about the girl in his class. What could go wrong, other than the number?

- LOVE SQUARE ANYONE

The Kiss a Stranger Project by @alrightginger

“What’s your name, then?” she asks, realizing they haven’t even properly introduced themselves yet. She nervously crosses her arms.

You shouldn’t kiss a guy without knowing his name first.

Right?

- THIS ONE WILL LIVE IN MY MIND FOREVER

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

Mutual longing

It’s 03:43 and I missed writing James, uf i love this one

Warning: 18+

---

Oh, James is a breathtaking sight. With his dark hair and twinkling eyes, his tall toned body and charming smile. His smooth voice and irresistible accent. He is the whole package.

Lost in thought you imagined him fucking you against the wall, his big hand over your mouth to contain your moans as he pounded you aggressively-

„Hey“ Lily chirped, leaning over the table to give you a friendly hug, „Sorry I‘m late, head girl shit.“

You hugged her back, acting as if you didn‘t just imagine getting absolutely railed by the fellow head boy.

„Don‘t worry ‘bout it. Haven‘t been long anyway.“

Lily rolled her eyes and gave you a teasing smile.

„Knowing you, you probably showed up fifteen minutes early to be polite. You can give me shit you know, I deserve it.“

You laughed lightly before you furrowed your brows dramatically and held up a finger much like Professor McGonagall when she lectured the marauders again.

„Lily Evans you little shit. Hopefully you will have a long dreadful nightmare for the shit you put me through!“

Lily smirked at you and nodded, impressed with your choice of words.

„That would be James trying to hug me again, so no thank you.“ She clapped her hands. „Right, lets start.“

You couldn‘t help but think of just how fucking hot it would be to be in James‘ strong arm. Breathless moans and impatient hands tugging down your skirt. His hands all over your body, slowly moving down towards your-

Fuck.

---

Sometime during your meetup Remus appeared and sat down with you. Then came Peter. With him Sirius and of course James.

„I swear Black if you don‘t shut the fuck up“ Lily said forcefully, very close to yelling, „I‘m gonna beat your stupid face with this book!“

Sirius’ wand fell from between his clenched jaw, he was trying to impersonate a growling dog, and he rolled his eyes.

„Calm down, Evans. Besides, Remus would totally not appreciate that, considering my face is number one in his list of“, he cleared his throat theatrically, „Reasons why Sirius Black is the most enchanting being I‘ve ever fucked.“

Remus, already used to Sirius‘ crude remarks, just continued to read his book, his index finger tracing shapes on Sirius‘ palm absentmindedly.

„I agree“ Remus mumbled, missing the way Sirius blushed and melted with his next words, „Sirius is enchanting.“

Sirius, content with the attention he got, leaned his head against his boyfriends shoulder and finally shut his mouth. Lily smiled gratefully at Remus, who send her a wink, the corner of his lips pulling up slightly to show that he had said it on purpose. Not that they needed to know just how accurate Sirius had been with the list.

You threw a glance at James and saw him engrossed with his potions textbook, lips moving silently as he read through the pages. Taking the time to admire him from up close, you watched how his brows would furrow and ease up whenever he worked out a problem, how he would bite his lip in concentration or scratch his nose and push up his glasses when they slipped down his nose.

Truly handsome. Sex on legs.

Fuck why can‘t he just touch you already.

For someone who flirts on the daily he sure was oblivious to girls who were actually interested in him. And not gay, unlike Lily, who literally had a pin on her bag with the lesbian flag on it.

Might get a pin with “Fuck me James“ printed on it. Maybe then he‘ll know, you thought bitterly.

You had already planned a whole color scheme for the pins when a foot nudged your shin under the table and forced you out of your head.

„Need help“ James whispered and slid his worksheet over to you, „Please?“

Oh hell yes. No need to beg, Potter.

„Sure“ You said, congratulating yourself for sounding confident, „Give me a min.“

Reading through the question your took a moment to think about the answer, scribbling it down yourself instead of telling him. You weren‘t sure how long you could gaze into his eyes and act like you didn‘t have wet dreams about him.

Satisfied you looked back up and noticed him already looking at you, or more specifically your mouth.

A devilish idea crossed your mind. Oh, yes.

Acting as if you were still thinking, you bit your lip softly, tracing your bottom lip with your tongue to leave it glistening pink. James swallowed, hand loosening his tie and he lowered his head with blushing cheeks.

„Here“ You smiled, gently sliding the paper back to him and shivered a little when your fingertips touched.

His fingers had to business being so close to the top of the sheet, considering he was sitting across from you and could have just grabbed the bottom part. Hope flared in your chest when you saw him just as taken aback by the touch and you basked in the radiant grin he shot you from under his mop of hair.

Your stomach swarmed with butterflies and you let out a small breath, thighs clenching.

Oh James.

„I should get going“ You said after a while, not in the mood to study anymore.

James‘ head whipped up and he got up as well, packing his bag in time with you. Your eyes widened in surprise, but you refrained from making your excitement too obvious.

„Yeah me too, I‘m tired. Goodnight.“ James rushed and gently pulled you along by the strap of your bag.

The others just grumbled in response, Sirius fast asleep and drooling while Remus waved his hand dismissively. Lily muttered a quick, „I‘ll join in a few minutes“, which actually translates to hours.

Since the others aren‘t here I could have some alone time with James.

Oh shit, there goes your brain. It was really creative when it came to imagening James‘ moans, considering you never heard them before. Or his dick. Fuck.

You silently made your way upstairs and sadly it was an awkward one. Frankly you blamed James for being so hot that you literally had no clue what to say, not knowing that he thought the exact same thing. Sure he is all for, „Everyone can wear what they bloody want“ and he had proven that point by wearing skirts multiple times, but fuck-

You in that skirt has to be criminal by some kind of law right? Has to be a sin in some kind of religion? And don‘t get him started on your lips-

James shook his head to get rid of the mental images and focused on his breathing. Praying that you wouldn’t see his boner.

Somehow you had made it to the empty common room and turned to each other at the same time to say goodnight. Both of you had not considered the distance between your faces, which proved to be extremely short with your noses bumping painfully.

„I‘m so-“

Your words died down when James kissed you hard, his big hands - oh those big, callous hands you‘ve been dreaming about for weeks finally touching your cheeks to pull you impossibly close.

Stunned by his sudden desire to kiss you, you pulled your head away to look into his face and what you saw made you smash your lips on his and his back against the wall.

His quiet, absolutely submissive noises shot straight into your blood and you press your hips against his to hear more of it. His arms were wrapped around your neck, hands buried in your hair as he opened your legs with his knee to press his thigh between your legs.

The rough fabric of his pants made you shudder and your hands slid down his upper body until you got to his cock. James head sank against the wall with a dirty moan as you put your hand in his pants to touch him. Shit, his skin was so soft and hot and he already has precum on the tip.

James lips met yours sloppily as he pushed you backwards onto the couch and sank down between you legs on the ground, moving your feet to rest on the cushion. He clearly didn‘t have any more patience in him and made quick work of pushing your panties aside to rub his fingers against your soaking entrance.

„Come on, James“ You moaned, bucking against him when he finally pushed two fingers inside.

„Mmm look at you“ James groaned out, leaving kisses along your inner thighs and let out wanton sound when your cunt clenched around him.

You didn‘t care about anything but his fingers fucking you at this point, whining when the cool metal of his ring pressed against your clit. You jerked at the hot sensation of his tongue curling around your clit, greedily sucking your pussy lips into his mouth.

„Oh James!“ You whimpered breathlessly, pulling his face so close that his nose was smushed against your lower belly, feeling the vibrations of every moan he let out shoot directly to your cunt.

Pulling him up by his hair you kissed him again, panting into his open mouth when he kept pistoning his fingers into your cunt.

„Please let me fuck you“ James begged needily, brows pinched in longing to feel you around his throbbing cock, „Please I can‘t wait anymore!“

Instead of answering, you pushed his pants down with your heels and trapped him between your legs. James hissed in relief when he felt some kind of friction on his cock and eased himself inside.

„Oh“ James let out a broken whimper, head thrown back in sheer bliss, „Feel so good.“

You couldn’t answer, way to enamored with the way he stretched you open so deliciously, watching his cock push into your body. Oh fuck, the sight was so dirty and crass and yet you couldn‘t take your eyes off him.

„James“ You gasped with difficulty, „James please ‘m‘gonna cum!“

James bend your legs so they were over his shoulders and pounded you harshly, face screwed up in ecstasy with the way you cried out his name. Your moans cut off only to be replaced by sobs when the tip of his cock hit your g-spot over and over again.

„Yes yes yes“ James chanted, pressing his forehead on yours to stare at your dazed expression, „tell me how you feel!“

Your shook your head quickly, signaling him that you couldn‘t possibly form a coherent sentence, but his persisted.

„Tell me how you feel!“ James hissed, thumb suddenly on your clit and you broke.

„Good good so fucking good“ You cried, latching on his body to encourage him to fuck you harder.

„Prove it“ James moaned brokenly, „Cum for me!“

His other hand wrapped around your delicate throat and squeezed firmly, making you tip over the edge and cry out your release. James‘ orgasm made him tremble so violently that he couldn‘t hold himself up anymore, collapsing on your chest with a deep throaty whimper as he filled your cunt with his hot cum.

„Fuck yes“ James ground out, hips still pushing in and out of you, like he couldn’t bear the thought of stopping. He raised his head to watch you, his pupils still dilated, pink lips quivering with aftershocks.

James looked absolutely wrecked and satisfied. He stared at you as if staring at a goddess, nuzzling close to hear your heartbeat.

„You okay?“ James asked quietly and tucked himself back in to help you clean up.

„Yeah, perfect.“ You grinned, letting him help you up and pull you towards his dorm.

He gave you a playful smile, but you saw the slight nervousness in his eyes.

„Stay?“

God, yes. Finally. Fuck those pins, who needs them.

„Yes.“

[landothemuppet]

Far Longer Than Forever (p.p)

Word count: 4737

Pairing : peter parker

Request: YES! ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. The Swan Princess is one of my childhood movie and this was so fun to write. I can’t stop listenning the soundtrack now ! I’m so sorry for the time i took to write this, i had so much work to do with school. But it’s over now and i hope you will like this ! 

N/A:  First, gif not mine but i don’t know who i’m gonna credit on this, i have no clue...This is my first Peter Parker x reader and i hope you all will like it! As always, I remind you that English is not my native language. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you think of the fic! Like, reblogs to support. You can Love you all! xx

Taglist: @angeliquekalampoka @harryhollandsgirlfriend @cedricdiggorysimpp​ - if you want to be notified of all my future writings you can add yourself in my taglist : here

______

As far as you can remember, you've always hated summer. Well, it was partly a lie. You loved the sweltering heat of Queens, the cherry popsicles from Delmar's, not having to worry about what time you had to get up. You liked it but hated the idea of ​​the last two weeks of August.

 This year was no exception. You looked at your half-finished suitcase, a grimace on your face. August still meant the same thing, the same routine: having to spend the last three weeks of his vacation with Peter Parker.

summer 2009

Peter Parker had lost his parents very early on, two years ago. He had lived since then with his aunt May and his uncle Ben. It was your mother's idea to introduce you to each other. Aunt May and your mom were friends from college and luckily, they lived in the same neighborhood. Your first meeting with the one who, many years later, would become Spider-Man, took place on his eighth birthday. You were invited to the party when you weren't even at the same school. Aunt May had simply shared his fears about Peter's difficulty making friends after the trauma he had experienced. Your mother, as the perfect friend that she was, had suggested that Peter and you spend time together.

 There were 3 kids in total at that birthday party, you, Peter - obviously - and a boy from his school whose mother had forced him to be there, too. It was a fact; you were the only girl and you didn't know Peter at all. Your mother walked up to you, got up to your eye level and whispered

 "Can you be nice? May told me she invited Peter's whole class and only this boy came"

 You wanted to please your mother so you nodded before approaching the two boys. Peter and his friend were in the corner of the room, their backs turned to the adults. When you tapping the young boy on the shoulder to make you notice by him, he turned to you with a guilty expression. He had buttercream all over the corner of his mouth and he was holding a cupcake in his hand that looked delicious.

 “My Aunt May tried to bake a cake, but Uncle Ben bought some cupcakes in anticipation. Do you want one?” Peter asked you in a friendly voice

“Why? Is May's cake not good?

“Uncle Ben says that she is not very good at cooking.”

 You let out a little laugh and nodded your head before grabbing the cupcake with a smile. You thanked him and began to taste the little pastry with envy. It was so good! The buttercream was lemony, the cupcake was slightly lemony too but there was a taste you couldn't recognize. You were almost sure you had tasted it before, but you couldn't tell what it was. Peter and the other boy suggested that you go to Peter's room. He wanted to show you the LEGO set his uncle Ben had given him ahead of time and you followed them even though you weren't more excited about the idea.

 And you were right. For several minutes, you were pushed aside while the two young boys spoke spiritedly. You complained several times that you wanted to do something else but Peter didn't seem to listen to you, too excited to finally be able to chat with someone who appreciated Star Wars as much as he did.

 So you were annoyed and slightly angry with Peter but what broke the camel's back is that you started to not feel so good. Your throat was itching and you felt like your tongue was taking up a lot more space in your mouth, getting drier. Peter gave you a distracted look before his eyes widened. He let go of everything he had in his hands before running to his aunt.

 "Aunt May, Aunt May! Y/N's tongue looks like a big, desiccated steak!"

"Peter, don't be rude!" she exclaimed, shocked by her nephew’s words

"No, no come see, she has a huge tongue! I think something is wrong"

 Meanwhile, you ran into the bathroom at Peter's reaction. You weren't sure why he had looked at you like that, but you felt that a few things were wrong. In addition, you were more and more thirsty, your eyes also hurt. And that's when you saw your reflection. You were puffy, your tongue had tripled in size, hence this feeling of dryness and discomfort. It was the same with your throat. You started to cry and when May called you through the bathroom door, you fervently opened it.

 May and your mother's expression of horror was instantaneous and your mother knew exactly what was causing your condition.

 "What did she eat?"

"Nothing..." he tried to escape from being grounded

"Peter, this is very important. What did you eat?"

"We just ate the cupcakes Uncle Ben brought back"

 Ben looked at May with guilty eyes. May had put so much effort into Peter's birthday cake and she felt hurt that they had bought some pastries in anticipation. Your mother was impatiently stamping her foot. It was important to know exactly what you had eaten and above all, you shouldn't waste any more time. Peter felt completely helpless. He had only given a cupcake to his guest, that’s all. What was wrong with giving someone a cupcake?

 "What were those cupcakes flavor?" your mother said impatiently ...

"With lemon and almonds." he said in a very small voice.

 You were panicked. And the eight-year-old that you were was not coping well with stress. Plus, your feeling of being sidelined by Peter and his friend made you feel even worse. So you frowned. You couldn't see a thing but you could feel the torrent of tears escaping your cheeks. You pointed at Peter with rage

 "You tried to kill me !!!" you said somehow with your tongue as big as a little tangerine.

"It's not true!"

"Yes! You are a murderer"

 And you cried even more before your mother takes you to the emergency room as quickly as possible, apologizing for the scene.

 The week later, May forced Peter to apologize for giving you a cupcake, while justifying that he didn't know about your allergy. Your mother forced you to apologize for insulting Peter "a murderer" and accept his apologies.

 But you spent the rest of the vacation arguing with the little guy. After all, you didn't want to be friends with a murderer.

 Summer 2013

Aunt May and your mom didn't let go, however, and every summer you spent three damn weeks with Peter. The summer of your twelve years, you did not thus escape this eternal masquerade but this year, the tide had turned in your favor.

 From the start, you never liked Star Wars. It really wasn't your world. You had always preferred Harry Potter and although Peter had read the books and enjoyed them - which he would never admit to you as that would amount to listing the commonalities you had - he was much more invested in the galactic universe. But on that day, Peter had particularly bothered you. He had first replaced the sugar in your hot chocolate with salt. He kept chanting silly nursery rhymes about you and the downstairs neighbor, insinuating that you were in love: which was not the case. Yes, Peter had been extremely annoying. This time Peter was getting on your nerds by bouncing a small ball against the ceiling as you tried to read your book. Uncle Ben was in the living room watching the sport - you weren't sure exactly which one since it didn't matter to you - so you couldn't go anywhere else to be quiet.

 "Peter, stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked by bouncing the ball once more off his ceiling. You could even make out the smirk on his lips.

"That. Stop it! I can't read."

"This is nothing new."

 You threw him the first thing you found on his desk, c.e, a banana, which he easily dodged. You groaned in frustration. May and your mother didn't understand when you talked about Peter's attitude towards you. He was a calm child, far too shy at school and interested in everything, especially science. He was looking forward to entering Midletown High School in two years. You hated that nerd side about him. Secretly, you were a little jealous of him for being the smartest in the room.

 “I'm gonna hit you so hard you won't know your name anymore”

“ try me, dumbass.”

  A few minutes later, he had finally stopped throwing that damn ball, but obviously Peter's boredom was driving him to find everything the most boring thing than the previous one to drive you crazy. This time, he had simply taken his favorite lightsaber - because he had several - and he was poking your shoulder to get your attention.

 "Parker, stop!"

"Don't you want to drop this book and watch a movie?"

"What do you want to watch? Star Wars? No thanks ..."

"Oh come on, Y / N! I'm sure you'll like it!"

 He patted you on the shoulder once more with his lightsaber.

 "Do you want to play this, Parker?" you said before grabbing one of his other lightsabers

"What are you going to do? I'm sure you don't know how to fight with" he mocked.

 You have lit the glowing plastic stick and you are placed in the guard position.

 "Do you want to bet, knothead?"

 He smiled at you and attacked you first. Strangely, this is what most resembled a moment of bond between Peter and you and deep down, you appreciate it. But you also appreciate that possibility of kicking his ass after he's been so irritating. You responded to his lightsaber attacks with ease and joy. It was playful, childish, but it was one of the few times you had fun with Peter. And you really appreciate it. Your two laughs mingled, echoing in the room.

 But suddenly, as you were trying to dodge an attack from the brunet, your elbow made contact with his face. Peter's muffled cry of pain echoed and you froze. He was holding his nose with a grimace and when he took his hand away you both noticed in horror that he was bleeding.

 "Fuck…"

"Pete..." you started talking

"You blew my nose!" Peter shouted

"I did not do it on purpose!" you defended yourself.

"Of course, you do! You fucking blew my nose!"

"Peter, I swear ..."

 But Peter interrupted you by rushing out of his bedroom looking for his aunt who was in the office as she tried to file the important papers, that Ben and her had received this week. You were livid. First, because you didn't mean to hurt Peter on purpose. Second, you couldn't stand the sight of blood and it was literally everywhere. Peter was leaving trails of droplets on the floor of the apartment.

 "Aunt May?!? Y/N blew my nose! Damn, I'm bleeding!"

 After a brief stint in the ER, the rest of the stay was peaceful as you and Peter avoided each other until the end of the summer.

 Summer 2017

Peter was not the Peter you had always known.

 Since the death of his uncle Ben, the young man had closed in on himself and was even further away. Always so intelligent and discreet but much more distant. He had stopped teasing you or doing things that got on your nerves. He was minding his own business. And even though you had tried to be there for him, not denying him any of the offers he made to you during your stay ... you found him really ... overwhelmed. Which was still understandable.

 But this year was worse than the last. May told your mother that last year Peter got an internship at Stark Industry and attended a seminar in Germany but came back with a black eye. He had been acting most weirdly ever more since then. And you could have witnessed it. In the afternoon, when you were busy, and when it was too hot, when you tried to rest, Peter would disappear for hours. When you caught him sneaking back several times, he made you promise not to tell Aunt May.

 And you were starting to have theories about his nighttime getaways. After all, you were 16 and you too had started dating a few boys. But it never really worked. who knows why?! And when you wondered if Peter had a girlfriend, and who she was - he had to have one in view of all his sneaking out - your stomach twisted in a strange feeling. You didn't understand why the thought of Peter having a girlfriend bothered you so much. Over time, you had learned to be friends. It still happened sometimes that you quarreled but the events of the life made you grow up. Your parents had divorced, Peter had lost his uncle. You could tell yourself that you both had grown.

 And it was one night when Peter was sneaking back in again that you discovered two secrets.

 The first one: He was Spider-Man.

 It was around midnight when you heard the sound of the window opening. Since your childhood and this Machiavellian plan of your mother and Aunt May, you had always slept in Peter's room during holiday and more recently in his bed. The noise alerted you and you got up in a sitting position. But the only thing you saw was a foot, placed on this said window, closing it gently. How the hell was that possible?

 You were ready to scream but your gut told you to look up at the ceiling. A figure hung on it and you were paralyzed. Were you having one of those weird experiences called sleep paralysis? Delicately, silently, you grabbed the first blunt object within reach. A chemistry book that Peter seemed particularly fond of. The figure stepped on the ceiling as you were paralyzed. The form turned to land on the ground and then stood up, still with its back to you. You got up gently from Peter's bed and walked over. The man in the suit whose color you couldn't see took off his mask and you hit the air in an attempt to shoot him down. Peter turned around so quickly and blocked your gesture easily, like a reflex.

 "What the ..."

"Bloody hell".

 You both said at the same time. Your big surprised eyes mirrored Peter's. The curly man let go of your hand with an apologetic expression as you walked away from your friend. You turned on the bedside lamp before you discovered his blue and red costume. A very recognizable costume since it was that of Spider-Man. You winced, a look of judgment and incomprehension on your face. Not bothering to look at his face covered with bruises and traces of blood.

 "What the ... are you sneaking out to go to a costume party?"

"What?! No…No Y/N I’m…”

“Spider-Man? Great costume by the way” you joked.

 For a moment, you completely forgot that you just saw your friend glued upside down to the ceiling. Peter looked at you a little jaded, by the tone of your voice your guess was far from a sincere question but more of a mockery. And right now, the young man needed to be honest with you. He needed you.

 "But, I am."

"Yeah that's it. And I slept with the Winter Soldier. You can't imagine what he can do with his metal arm."

 Peter cut you off by pulling a web with his web shooter, tying your hands. The feel of the canvas was unpleasant, sticky but above all resistant. You let out a little cry of surprise, not powerful enough to pass the walls of Peter's room. Your eyes looked like two big golf balls, realizing that your friend was telling the truth.

 "Omg, You're Spider-Man" you almost spoke too loud.

"Yes and don't make me web your mouth. May doesn't have to know"

"damn, peter. What happened to your face!"

“yeah about that…I need you Y/N, please…”

  And without warning, Peter squeezed the spider in the middle of his costume, at chest level. He winced at the action revealing his bruised chest. He staggered a bit from the action, unsure of his legs and the pain in his sides fierce. You might see several bruises and cuts on your friend's body. You were having difficulty swallowing before you told him you were going to the bathroom to get what you needed. Before leaving the room, he made you promise to be discreet and not tell May anything if she ran into you. When you walk back into Peter's room, he's sitting half-lying on his bed, grimacing. You sit next to him, your heart pounding. You never noticed that he was so built. After all, as a superhero, he had to keep fit. But you couldn't deny that it intimidated you. Your cheeks were burning with embarrassment and a desire you never knew before. He had his eyes closed, as if trying to make the pain go away. And there, looking at him, you found him pretty. he was so cute that you couldn't help but run your hand through his curls to signal your presence and soothe him a bit. But Peter already knew you were there. He had heard your footsteps, he had smelled your scent, a sweet scent he had grown used to in his later years. He sighed softly, more relaxed. You started to clean the few shallow wounds.

 "Does it hurt?" you asked quietly

"Mhmm no, not really."

"Did you win?"

"Ouch..No. Not tonight."

"Sorry." you said more for your gesture rather than the fact that he didn't win the fight against the bad guys.

"No, it's perfect ... it's just a little sensitive"

 You smiled but something was wrong. A feeling you've never felt before. You've finished cleaning up Peter's wounds, but your gaze has darkened. As you were about to get up, the brunette gently grabbed your wrist to hold you back. He could hear your calm breathing and yet your heart was racing. He could feel the heat on your cheeks. He too felt that the tension was at its height. Your mind was muddled, he didn't know why, he wasn't a telepath, but he could see it, feel it. Your body betrayed your mind.

 "Y/N, what is it?"

"I..I don't know." you lied.

"You can tell me everything."

"I ... Well…Seeing you like this ... makes me ... makes me realize that I ... I'm afraid of losing you."

"You won't lose me ... I promise"

 You are ashamed of your vulnerable state. How did you go from hating this boy to having an overwhelming fear of losing him? You looked at those chocolate eyes in confusion and distress. You were now fully aware that the little neighborhood spider was none other than your childhood friend. The one you once loved to hate, tease, fight with over trivia. He was also on the youtube videos, who stopped cars with his bare hands.

 “Y/N… you won’t lose me, I promise.”

 Peter dared to walk slowly towards you and in a surge of courage, one of his hands circled your burning cheek, his lips rested on yours. The brunette had always had a crush on you without actually admitting it. After all, you had known each other since you were children but... your relationship had been rather confrontational. But for two years now, everything had changed for him. He appreciated more and more your little arguments, your teasing. His thoughts would sometimes turn darker when you lick your lips or when your fingers scratched that point behind your ear, when you were a little stressed.

 Your lips moved between them in a harmonious dance and you were now clinging desperately to Peter's slightly sweaty brown curls. Your heart was pounding at a speed close to the point of no return, reluctant to stop suddenly in the face of this overstimulation. But all good things came to an end and you slowly walked away. You bit your lip to get the taste of Peter's back. Your mind wandered, lost in the haze of rushing feelings.

 "You..you should rest ..."

 You ended up pulling away, swallowing hard. That night you didn't sleep. You have studied every facial feature of Peter, thinking of every event since your friendship. The next day, you fooled that nothing had happened. Too scared of what that kiss meant to you.

 Summer 2025

It all happened so quickly. After that summer, the summer of your kiss, you promised yourself that you understood your feelings towards Peter. You weren't going to the same high school and even though you were both on social media, you never dared to contact him. You needed time.

 But you haven't had this time. Peter became full-time Spider-Man and then the aliens came to earth, again. The threat of Thanos hovered and within moments, days, hours ... you were gone under his snap.

 When you returned to your childhood apartment, you were alone. Well, alone in front of the family who lived in this place now. The man in his forties simply believed you were a drug-hunting teenager squatter. Five damn years had passed. 5 years where your mother had a new life when you had been eclipsed. You were distraught, alone and it was by happy coincidence that you found May at the F.E.A.S.T project. It was a relief for you to find a familiar face again. She had suggested that you come and live in her new temporary apartment, allowing you to finish high school without having to move to the other end of the United States, with your mother. You declined your offer. You wanted to fend for yourself. And surprisingly, you did pretty well.

 To be exact, Mr. Delmar was looking for a student to work in his store and was kind enough to greet you in the bedroom of one of his daughters who had gone to college. By the greatest of luck, you've never seen Peter. Or rather, you managed to avoid it for an entire year. You had caught a glimpse of him one day, trying to speak Italian to get a travel adapter and a dual headphone adapter. Did you feel foolish thinking that after so long - could we consider those 5 years to be 5 concrete years? - would it still focus on the kiss you shared? After all, you got away from him after that. And then, everything went in a state of madness.

 Every time you turned on the television, you learned that elemental monsters had attacked a different country. They had first started with Mexico and then moved to Europe. Italy, Prague and then London. A certain Mysterio seemed to be taking care of this matter, but you couldn't help but think of Peter. May told you he was supposed to go to Italy. In fact, every time she went to Delmar's for a sandwich, she gave you an update on her nephew's trip. But it wasn't the craziest.

 Upon his return ... Spider-man's identity was revealed. You had watched in horror the video of Mysterio, which appeared on the Daily Buggle newspaper, accusing Peter of wanting to be the new Iron-Man. You were listening to J. Jonah Jameson falsely accusing Peter of being a murderer. You knew Peter, and there was no way he had done such an act. The video was bogus, you were sure. When you tried to reconnect that summer, you noticed Peter's girlfriend. Michelle Jones and ... and that's what kept you from approaching him. He was already supported. He had his best friend, Ned. His girlfriend, MJ. And he had May. It was enough, wasn't it?

  It was the following year, after a new incredible adventure that you met again.

You worked at the store in the evening. Mr Delmar had asked you to help him out urgently because his youngest daughter had a health problem. You accepted with pleasure. You had offered to babysit his daughter but the loving father he was wanted to be with her. And it was precisely this evening that a thug decided to steal the fund from you.

 You were at gunpoint with your hands up in the air when you saw a red and black mass fall behind the thug.

 "Hey buddy, I think the bank is across the street"

 Spider-Man tapped the thief on the shoulder and dodged a punch.

 "But I think I'll arrest you anyway if you went to the bank. You don't seem like a nice guy." Peter joked.

 You were paralyzed as your friend, your best friend if you were honest, chained or avoided them with agility. You swallowed hard, unable to move or run away. A gunshot rang out and you smelled a scared little vintage. Peter squeezed the barrel of the gun in his hand, deviating from his course. It made sense now to say that he had simply defended himself against the assault. After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, Peter stared the offender against a fridge door, immobilizing him. He then turned to you, oblivious to your identity at the time.

 "Are you okay there?"

"Peter!"

 You didn't give him the chance to realize and you rushed into his arms, hugging him so tight to feel the comfort of his body against yours.

 "Uh, yeah, you're welcome. Cuddles are nice but ..."

 He paused for a moment and his automated eyes widened. He knew his perfume. The flowery, sweet scents that he had missed so much. Is this possible?

 "Y/N?"

 You let go of him and immediately put his mask back on. Adrenaline was controlling your actions and god damn it, you needed that touch. You kissed him, bluntly. Your lips crushed against his in impatience, in ardor, but too bad. You needed to feel it against you, to regain the feeling that you had felt, years ago. After a few seconds, you felt Peter's hands encircle your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your heart was exploding, the ardor was present in your kiss. You were even frustrated that you couldn't grab her brown curls with full hands, settling for only the base of her hair. You let out a moan before pulling away abruptly. He had a girlfriend.

 "I… I'm sorry. I… Sorry, I didn't mean… MJ… and… please don't blame me."

 Peter silenced you with another kiss, shorter this time but so good.

 “There is no MJ .... Just you and me ... Far Longer Than Forever”

 You looked at him hopefully and then burst out laughing after his words.

 "I didn't know you were so romantic, Parker"

"Shut your mouth."

"Make me"

"You are impossible."

"But obviously, you like"

 He was going to say something to nag you, he was looking for it but you caught him off guard, placing your lips on his again. You could feel his smile in the kiss and you couldn't help but do the same. Anyone living in the neighborhood present in the street would have a view of Spider-Man kissing the student cashier from Delmar. But you couldn't care less. You had waited too long and the joy you were feeling now was so intense, you didn't want to stop feeling this. It is reluctantly that Peter moved away from you apologizing for the fact that he had to go on patrol again.

 "Go save the Spider-Man neighborhood"

"Only if you promise me you'll be there when I get back."

"I was thinking of going to say goodnight to May instead ... But if you want, I have a sleeping bag in the storeroom."

"You are incorrigible .... See you later ..."

"See you later."

 You smiled, in a misty state of bliss as Peter disappeared from view. This time, you weren't planning to escape, you wanted to fall into the webs of Peter Parker. You closed the store after the police visit and headed to May's flat. It was late but with her kindness she welcomed you with open arms.

 This summer ... was the best in years but the others to come were going to be even more wonderful.

[babybluebex]

buggy code [bucky barnes x reader]

➽ pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 4.1k ➽ summary: everyone on the team has nicknames, and you wonder why bucky doesn’t like the one you gave him.   ➽ warnings: mentions of injuries, insecure bucky ➽ a/n: enjoy!​

Everybody had a special name for the Winter Soldier. For mostly everyone, he was Bucky. It fit him; short and curt, the hard K sound in the middle demanding attention. Bucky didn’t quite care for any other name. He had lived his entire life being called Bucky and, even after waking up in a different world than the one he left, he didn’t think a name change was in order. Nobody did. 

And then I came along. The nicknames started as a joke between me and Thor when I couldn’t pronounce his hammer’s name right (in my defense, the name starts with M-J-O and only gets worse from there). Jokingly, one day, I called it Mojo, and Thor laughed. I don’t think that Y/N is a particularly hard name, but Thor found a way to butcher it every single time he spoke to me. The joke bled out from Thor and me and into me and Tony, which then led to the whole team having their own name for me. Wanda called me “ducky”; Steve called me “little one”; Thor used every nickname for Y/N that he could find (which was different every day, but the theme was consistent); and Tony called me “kiddo”. 

However, once the nickname precedent was set, nobody bothered to tell me about the Bucky situation. He was nice, albeit cold at times, and I had only seen him truly angry once. I had called him James. He got quiet and I saw a muscle in his jaw jump as he clenched his teeth, and he said, “Don’t ever call me that again. You hear me? Ever.” He absconded from the room quickly, leaving me and Steve alone, and my heart sank. I felt like an absolute shitbag for upsetting Bucky like that. Steve sat down next to me quietly. Steve was one of those quiet and understanding types, and he cast a glance at the door that Bucky had stormed out of. 

“That was… Odd,” Steve said. 

“You mean you don’t know what that was about?” I asked. 

“No,” Steve said. His brow furrowed, and he mumbled, “No clue.”

“Should I apologize?” I asked. 

“For what?” Steve asked, turning back to me. “You did nothing wrong.” 

“I still upset him, even if I didn’t mean to,” I shrugged. “I… I dunno. I feel like I should.” 

“If you want to,” Steve said. “He’ll probably get mad at you for trying to apologize.”

I scoffed. “What’s new? Bucky’s mad at everyone, all the time. I just… He never snapped at me like that before.” 

“Don’t take it to heart,” Steve told me, and his icy blue eyes helped convince me. 

The door to Bucky’s room was closed like always, but even the energy that came from it made me uneasy. It was quiet-- again, not abnormal-- but it frightened me. I hated saying sorry; according to some, it was one of my major character flaws. I felt sick to my stomach as I knocked on the door. Would he even answer? I felt the burning of tears in my eyes, and I pawed them away with the sleeve of my sweater just in time for the door to swing open. My breath caught in my throat once confronted by the White Wolf, and I could barely stutter out, “I… F-Fuck, I’m so sorry, Bucky.” 

His jaw was tight, his eyes unwavering. I couldn’t stand when he did that. I understand where the whole “no emotion” thing came from, but it was infuriating sometimes. This wasn’t Russia. I wasn’t Hydra. Finally, Bucky took a deep breath, and his demeanor loosened up. “Don’t,” he said softly. “Don’t be… S’not your fault.” 

“I still feel like an asshole,” I mumbled. “I was just joking around--”

“The way you do with Thor and Stark and all of them, I know,” Bucky interjected. “But you didn’t…” He paused to sigh, and he brushed his hair behind his ear. “You did nothing wrong, sweetheart.”  

Sweetheart was new. Bucky didn’t play the nickname game like the rest of us did, as evident earlier. He called Steve brother every so often, usually whilst roughhousing after a mission, but sweetheart was something that he had never called me before. He must have seen how I bristled slightly, because he said, “Oh, so Wilson can call you sweetheart just fine, but I can’t?” 

“That’s different,” I replied quickly. 

“How?” Bucky countered instantly. He looked like he was only in his thirties, but he had the arguing skills of someone his own age. Fuck, he annoyed me. “How is Wilson any different from me?” 

“That’s not--” I began. “Wilson always calls me that. You don’t call me… Anything.”

Bucky hummed quietly. “So, you’re telling me that, as long as I don’t call you what Wilson calls you, you’ll tolerate the nicknames?” 

“That’s not what I meant, Bucky,” I said. “I meant that you never, ever had a nickname for me.” 

“Maybe we should change that,” Bucky said, and his lips quirked into a smile. “We have a long night ahead of us. You should go try to get some rest… Baby.” With a cheeky wink and a smile, Bucky closed the door in my face. 

Bastard. 

Bucky was right. The night was long and ended with more of us limping back to the Compound than walking normally. Bucky and Steve took care of each other when they got banged up in a fight, and, as the youngest (really, second youngest to Peter, but he never normally came on smaller missions like this), Steve usually took it upon himself to take care of me too. My shoulder was killing me in a way that it never had before, and I wasn’t sure that it wasn’t dislocated in some fashion. I sat on the couch in the common area, nursing my arm and trying to ignore the pain enough to gauge if I was tired enough to attempt sleep, and I expected the sudden presence behind me to be that of the super soldier. “Hey, big guy,” I chuckled. “Can you check out my shoulder?” 

A cold hand landed on my bare skin, and I jumped in shock. Vibranium was less than fun to experience when unprepared. I had identified a super soldier, yes, but the wrong one. “Looks swollen,” Bucky observed. 

“No shit,” I mumbled. “You scared me; thought you were Steve.” 

“Sorry,” Bucky said easily. “Yeah… I’m no medical expert, but, based on how swollen and red it is, I’d say you fucked your shoulder up pretty good.”

“Gee, really?” I said and rolled my neck to pop it. “Thanks for your input, Dr. Barnes. Can I get a second opinion?” 

“Woah, hostile,” Bucky chuckled. “I’m sure Strange can fix that up for you, baby.” 

I nodded in agreement, choosing to ignore the nickname. If I ignored it, it would go away… Right? Bucky noticed, though, and he said, “What? Not into that name? Okay, I’ll come up with something else.” 

“Or don’t,” I shrugged absentmindedly, and I hissed in a breath as my shoulder exploded with pain. Definitely dislocated. “Fuck.” 

“Oh, jeez,” Bucky mumbled, and he moved around in front of me. He lowered himself to my height where I sat, settling himself on one knee, and his warm hand landed gently on my arm. “I learned about this a long time ago… I think I remember how to put it back into the socket.” 

 “I’m sorry, but fuck that,” I laughed. “I’ll get Strange to do it.” 

“If I mess you up even more, I give you permission to yell at me,” Bucky said. “Let me try. Yeah?” 

I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Fine,” I acquiesced. 

Bucky shuffled himself closer to me, putting gentle but firm hands on my upper arm. He sat there for a moment, something happening in his brain, before saying, “C’mere, you.” His hands fell down to my waist, and he carefully tugged me further to the edge of the couch to allow himself closer to me. Something bloomed in my stomach when he grabbed my waist like that, but I pushed it aside. This was neither the time nor place to get horny. He replaced his hands on my arm, and the tip of his tongue poked out of his lips as he carefully maneuvered my arm, testing its mobility. He noticed my winces of my pain, and he finally mumbled, “Alright. On three, I’m gonna tug your arm this way. There’ll be a pop and it’ll hurt, but it should be back in place. Alright?” 

“Yeah,” I said. I felt like I would pass out from the pain. “Hurry it up.” 

Bucky nodded, and his vibranium hand carefully squeezed my thigh. “Grab my hand if you need to,” he said. “Alright… One--” 

He tugged my arm sharply away from my body, and there was a sickening pop. I cried out in a mixture of shock and pain, and then a tepid anger. “You said three, you shitbag!” I groaned. “What happened to two and three?” 

“Must’ve miscounted,” Bucky said, smiling and chuckling. “Feel any better?” 

I rolled my shoulder hesitantly, but found there to be virtually no pain. There was an ache, sure, and maybe a torn muscle, but the joint seemed to be back where it belonged. “Yeah,” I said. “A lot, actually. Thanks.” 

“No sweat,” Bucky said. He smiled and chuckled, then added, “You said my name when you yelled.” 

I tried to recall only seconds earlier, but the moment was a blur. “Did I?” I ask. That was embarrassing. 

Bucky nodded. “You called out ‘James’,” he told me. 

My eyes widened, and my heart jumped into my throat. “Oh, fuck,” I mumbled. “Oh, shit. Bucky, I’m really sorry.”

“No, no,” Bucky said. “It’s fine. Don’t stress. I actually don’t mind it.” 

“Mind what?” I asked. 

“Being called James,” Bucky said. “It’s been a while since I was called anything but Bucky or the Winter Soldier or… James’s nice. Short and sweet and… Nice.” 

“Why did you…” I began, and I pressed my fingers into my palm. “Why did you get so angry when I called you that earlier?” 

Bucky sighed. It was a heavy sigh, the sigh of 90 years worth of emotions threatening to be released. “I… I don’t know,” he said finally. “I really have no idea. I guess because it was different. It was like my old life. You were trying to be nice and funny, and nobody…” He swallowed thickly, and his gaze dropped from mine. “Everybody still sees me as the Winter Soldier. Like, they think I’ll break at any minute, and Bucky will be gone. Nat and Wilson and Steve can tell you all about dealing with him, if you want to know about it. But you don’t see me like that. You see me as someone kind; even before the war, I was never really the kind type. You see me as someone different than what everybody here-- everybody, period-- sees me as. You don’t see me as Bucky or Sergeant Barnes or whoever. You see me as--”

“James.” I whispered. 

“I’m not used to people like you,” Bucky continued. “I… I think I was confused. And I get mad when I’m confused. I’ve always done that. I didn’t--”

“James,” I repeated, firmer and louder. I wasn’t testing the name. I was addressing him. My hand went to his face, resting gently under his jaw, and I tilted his head up to look at me. “Don’t. I understand.” 

Bucky gave me a small smile, the most he could muster when he wasn’t telling a god-awful joke, but he didn’t try to remove my hand. His eyes, as blue as the sky on a clear day, were watching me. Not watching; I had seen him watch someone. There was something more in his gaze that I couldn’t quite identify, and it scared the shit out of me. It was friendly, I could sense that, and I had a suspicion on what it was, but I didn’t want to know for sure. Eventually, I took a deep breath, and I took my hand off of his face. “You should get some sleep,” I told him. “You need it.” 

“Right,” Bucky nodded. “You do too. Come get me if that shoulder starts bothering you; I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Sure,” I agreed. “‘Night, James.” 

There was a silence before the super soldier responded to me. “‘Night, bug.” 

“Bug?” I scoffed. 

Bucky shrugged. “Just trying something out.”

I nodded and kept my place on the couch as Bucky worked himself to his feet, and he left the room quietly. I watched him leave and I pressed my palms into my knees before I started to stand. However, my endeavor was interrupted by Steve hitting his knuckles against the doorframe. He certainly had heard our conversation. His arms were crossed and he was giving me a strange look, and I huffed in frustration. “What do you want, Rogers?”

“Buck had a girlfriend he left behind when we went to war,” Steve began. “Always talked about wanting to marry her when he got back.” 

“And?”

Steve smiled. “She used to call him James. Never Bucky; James. I’m sure that’s why he got mad.” 

“Oh,” I mumbled lowley. “I had no idea.” 

“I didn’t either, until recently,” Steve said. “But guess what? He called her ‘ladybug’. ‘Bug’ for short.” 

As much as I hated to admit it, I needed help. I tossed and turned in bed for hours, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in that didn’t aggravate my shoulder too much, but, just as I was always about to drift to sleep, a spasm of pain woke me up. I had taken painkillers hours before and I was tempted to take more-- the kind that brought sleep this time-- but I remembered what Bucky had told me. Come get him if I needed help. I truly didn’t want to take him up on that offer, but I was sure that he was awake. I probably wouldn’t be bothering him. I hoped not. 

I zipped up my hoodie as I carefully maneuvered through the Compound, trying to move quietly. Years of training under Nat’s tutelage had taught me how to be as silent as a ghost, but I was always worried that I would fuck up somehow. We were safe, though, and I had no reason to be on high alert. Finally, I wound up in front of Bucky’s door, and I saw the door cracked open. Bucky was the sort of guy that valued privacy, and he always had his door closed unless he wasn’t in the room. 

“Oh.” A voice rumbled from behind me, and I turned to see Bucky. His hair was rumpled, his eyes tired and hooded. He wore sweatpants and a thin white shirt, the bulge of his dog tags visible under the collar. I heard the soft whirring of his arm in the silence of the hall, and he added, “There you are. You weren’t in your room.” 

“Were you looking for me?” I asked. 

“I was going to see how your shoulder was,” Bucky explained. “It’s been bothering me all night.”

“Been bothering you?” I repeated and stifled a laugh. “It’s been hell for me. I can’t sleep at all.” 

“You took meds?” Bucky asked, and I nodded. He moved closer to me, and he added, “Drank some water? You might be dehydrated.” 

“I’m fine, James,” I mumbled. “I just figured that you would be up too. My head’s still buzzing from tonight. Even without the shoulder, I don’t think I could sleep.” 

I didn’t even realize that I had called him James. It felt natural now. “Well, I am awake,” Bucky chuckled. “I’m not gonna sleep tonight either. We’re about an hour from sunrise anyway; that’s sorta a foregone thing now, huh?” 

I nodded. Bucky’s eyes canvased me, sticking to my shoulder and arm, and he mumbled, “Your one arm’s limp. Is it just your shoulder or your whole arm now?” 

I looked at my arm, hanging at my side as my other was in my pocket. I could feel the shooting pain every time I moved it, but, when it was still, it was a dull throb of sorts. I relayed this to Bucky, and the wrinkles in his forehead grew deeper as he listened. He wordlessly took my uninjured arm in his warm grip and tugged me into his room. A single lamp was on, the curtains drawn and the bed made impeccably, as if he had never even touched it. I’m sure the tidiness was a result of his military training; Steve and Wilson were the same way. “I read something,” Bucky began. “About skin-to-skin contact. How it helps relieve pain and improve heart and lung function.”

I scoffed as I sat on the corner of his bed. “Yeah, for newborn babies,” I told him. 

Bucky sighed jokingly. “Do you want my help or not, bug?” 

Bug. Ladybug. “I didn’t really come for help,” I said. “Just company.” 

“Just company,” Bucky repeated under his breath as he sat down next to me. “I can do that.” 

“Can you?” I asked with a smirk. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not totally inept, Y/N,” Bucky said. “I can make conversation.”

“I know,” I sighed lightly. “Just teasing you.” 

“You tease me so much that one would think that you don’t actually like me,” Bucky said. 

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I like you,” I said. “Sometimes, I don’t think you like me.” 

“Yeah, don’t take it personal,” Bucky said softly. “I sorta turn a lot of people off. The whole murderous, brainwashed soldier thing tends to do that.” 

“That’s a shame,” I said. “You’re actually a pretty cool person.” 

“Even when I’m killing people?” Bucky asked with a chuckle. 

“Especially then,” I said, playfully pushing his shoulder. “Not too many girls are into that, but I’m in the same business, so I like it.” 

“Into it?” Bucky repeated with a smile. “Like… In what way?” 

“I think it’s cool,” I said. I knew what he was pushing for, and I guess that I was giving off that impression, coming into his room in the early morning for “company”. I had meant it in earnest, but, now that I thought about it, it certainly sounded like I had come to fuck him. “Not the whole… Being tortured, but… I admire that you’ve turned this into something that can help people.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Bucky said. “To help people…” 

I saw his humor deflating. There was more he wanted to say, far more. If I knew Bucky, though, he was fit to clam up, and the conversation was about over. “You are helping people, Buck,” I offered. “Keeping them safe, protecting them…” 

“Protection can only get you so far,” Bucky said, standing up and rolling his neck. “Y/N, when you’re like me, you’re never sure if you’re really helping. People tell me that I am, but I’ll never be certain. It’s a fucking curse, one that I haven’t turned it into anything good.” He swallowed thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. 

“Well,” I began softly, standing up. I joined Bucky at the window and carefully took his hand, and I examined the metallic knuckles and the different slants of vibranium that made up each finger. I thought he would pull his hand away, tell me to stop, but his hand only whirred quietly and closed around mine. “Let me be the one to tell you that you are helping people. Like tonight, not only did you take down all of those goons, but you helped me.” 

“What help did I do?” Bucky scoffed. 

“I mean, it’s not fully healed, but you made my shoulder better,” I said. “Bucky--” I reached up for his face and pressed my hand to his rough cheek, and I forced his head down. His steel-blue eyes met mine, and I took a deep breath. “You are good. You are a good man and I will do whatever you need me to in order for you to believe that.” 

Bucky was quiet for a few long moments, then he finally whispered, “You don’t need to do anything.” 

“So you believe me?” I asked. 

“I didn’t say that,” Bucky whispered. “You don’t want to help me.” 

“Why not?” I huffed, dropping my hand. “Do you think you’re too far gone?”

“I don’t think it,” Bucky said. “I know it.” 

“James,” I said, my emotions biting through my words. My eyes stung and my throat was tight, and I knew that I was seconds away from crying. “You are not too far gone. You know how I know?” I surged closer to him and put my hand flat on his chest to feel his heartbeat, and I said, “You’re alive. As long as you’re alive, you can get better. Stop being stubborn--”

“I’m stubborn?” Bucky laughed. “You’re so convinced that you can fix me that you won’t take no for an answer.” 

“I don’t want to fix you,” I said quickly. “I want you to know that-- Fuck. Look at me, you prick.” Bucky fixed his eyes on my face, and I put my palms on his cheeks. He couldn’t look away. “James Buchanan Barnes, you are a good man. You help people. You are magnificent. I know it, everyone here knows it, and I will not rest until you see yourself the way I see you.”

The air between us was tense, and Bucky lifted a hand up to his face. He enveloped my small hand with his, his warm fingers carefully brushing mine, almost like he couldn’t believe that someone was holding his face so tenderly. He lowered his eyes, then lifted them back up to meet me, and he dropped his hands. 

With that, his entire body language changed. The wrinkles in his forehead disappeared, his shoulders fell, and he let out a heavy breath. His bottom lip fell open as he looked at me, and I whispered, “Do you feel better?” 

He nodded slowly, a lock of dark hair falling into his eyes. “I like the way you say my name,” he told me. I gently pushed the hair from his face to behind his ear, and he swallowed thickly. “Say it again. Please?” 

“James,” I said softly. “Buchanan. Barnes.” I took a deep breath, and I quietly laughed, “Bucky Barnes. You are the greatest man I’ve ever met.” 

Bucky put his hands on my waist and pulled me flush against my body, and he hugged me tightly. His mouth buried into my shoulder, and he held me for what felt like hours. He needed it. My tears finally fell, and I sniffled as I wrapped my arms around his muscled body in order to squeeze him tightly. “Are you crying?” Bucky whispered, his lips hitting my shoulder as he spoke. 

“I just…” I began. “I love you, James.” 

I didn’t know what to expect when I finally confessed to Bucky what I had tried to deny, but he stayed still. He barely had a reaction, unless you count a sigh as a reaction. Finally, just as I thought my anxiety would burn a hole through my stomach, his hands fell down my body, skating just above my hips and down to the backs of my thighs. With the strength of a thousand men, he pulled me up into him, wrapping my legs around his waist, and he pulled his face out of my shoulder to let me see his pink cheeks and radiant eyes. He said nothing as his lips pressed against mine, and I instantly kissed back. My Bucky, my soldier, my love, my James. The world felt right. 

“I love you too,” Bucky whispered. “Y/N.”

“Did you really…” I started. “Do you call me ‘bug’ because… Because of ladybug?” 

Bucky tilted his head as a soft smile came over his pink lips. “Did Steve tell you that?” He asked. I nodded, and he gave a little laugh that rumbled in his broad chest. He carried me to the bed and set me down carefully, and he laid down next to me. My head easily laid on his chest and his strong arm went around my body, holding me close to him. There wasn’t even an inch of space between us, but I loved it. “Yes and no. I got the idea from that, but it means something different. That girl back then, her name was Dot, so ladybug made sense… But you’re a different kind of bug. You’re a bug in the sense that you’re not supposed to be here.” He carefully tapped his forehead, and he closed his eyes as my finger replaced his. “You’re a bug in my code. I didn’t want to fall in love after everything I’ve done, but… Fuck, you managed to get in there.” 

“Glad I did,” I whispered, placing a kiss on his forehead. “My James.” 

“I’m glad you did too,” Bucky whispered. “My little bug.”