#personally 'sexy vocals' is not on the list of reasons why i listen to weird al.

[milfweirdal]

ok, did not expect to see someone name weird al on a list of "sexiest male vocals" on rateyourmusic today.

[grayintogreen]

Okay I've never done this for LitMoR because there's three times as many OCs and I always feel weird talking about "voice claims"" in a fandom that doesn't... do that. Or really have a huge OC culture in general, but since Hellaverse does and I HAVE seen people going "if my OC was real, they would be played by x" before, I wanted to provide the list and some references so you can hear them as I hear them.

This list is painfully biblically accurate to the casting pool Vivzie uses (either Broadway actors or voice actors who have done musicals), barring a couple exceptions. It also contains the Canon OC's, because lbr my interpretations of Eve, Crymini, Lilith, Baxter, and Arackniss are not going to be canon and I'm okay with that. Roseverse is an AU.

ANYWAY. BENEATH THE CUT ARE A BUNCH OF YOUTUBE CLIPS + long-winded explanations. ENJOY. I’ll have to do another one because there’s a ten video limit and I had more characters to cover plus there’s characters who haven’t been introduced yet.

EDEN ESPIONSA AS EVE

Listen I will fully admit this decision was spurred on by "Nothing Left to Lose" but Eden Espinosa is hella good at playing resentful second fiddle bad girlies, given her entire career feels like it comes down to "Idina Menzel but affordable" (don't listen baby girl you're amazing).

ELIZABETH MITCHELL AS LILITH (SINGING VOICE: LADY GAGA)

I've gone over this one before, but I stand by it. I know Vivzie's hc voice for Lilith for real is Lady Gaga, but it wasn't vibing with how I've been writing her, so Lady Gaga plays her when she's singing (specifically the very raw, less sylized way she sings ASiB) and Liz plays her every other time. Watch that Blonde4Blonde love scene and tell me that isn't Lucillith reunion coded.

CHRISTOPHER FITZGERALD AS BAXTER

Now if Baxter appears in canon as more than a cameo, I would want him to be played by an actual trans actor because WE CANNOT IGNORE THE FACT THAT ONLY FEMALE ANGLERFISH HAVE LURES (and Viv denotes trans characters in imps by their horns so we know she's done this kind of thing to cue the audience in), but since this is just for fun and for me to have something to refer back to when I'm writing for vocal consistency, I gotta go with this nerd.

Note: I did NOT realize he played Kimiko Glenn's love interest in Waitress until I was looking up a video.

BARRETT WILBERT WEED AS CRYMINI

This one is actually at least marginally possible because BWW already voices Octavia. Part of the reason why she and Stolas have that cute little moment in Chapter Five of OWDLIF is because she shares a VA with his daughter and it was a dumb little moment for me, personally. (The clip in there with the live version of Dead Girl Walking where she sounds a little drunk and she's reading the lyrics off her phone is the exact energy for Crymini.)

Also “Fight For Me” from the Heathers musical is the Crinomini theme.

BRENNAN LEE MULLIGAN AS ARACKNISS

Here's one of our exceptions! This came out of nowhere because at first I was using Jeremy Jordan in Newsies as the basis for his voice, but it VERY QUICKLY- like while writing the first chapter- morphed into Sean, so that's what I'm stuck with. Also I'm sorry it's so long, but trust me it's worth it. Brennan is an improv god.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA AS CHANCE

YEAH YEAH I KNOW. YOU LOVE CHANCE ANYWAY. I will say that Roseverse Chance is specifically closer to In the Heights!LMM, whereas LitMoR Chance is very specifically Lee Scoresby. Ergo In the Heights.

ERIKA ISHII AS DIANA

The third exception. Though Erika has been doing voice work and has been in a musical game, even if they didn't sing in it, so who knows.

Also this video clip is so Dianacore. The whole thing.

KHARY PEYTON AS AAMON

This is like the main reason I posted this, because I need everyone to be aware of just how hot Aamon sounds despite him being a giant toolbox.

REBECCA FERGUSON AS ROO

Listen. LISTEN. She can sing. She's got a sexy voice. She's NOT LIKELY TO EVER BE CAST, but Rose the Hat is like 85% of my entire aesthetic for her. Her secondary aesthetic is Kate Shindle as the Mad Hatter in the Wonderland musical who is slightly more castable.

[mc-doppomine]

My Ranking of Matenrou Songs

All done in good fun and is just my silly opinion. Music is totally subjective and what I find to like may not be what you come to like. So take everything with a handful of salt. Includes all of their album songs. I’m not including the battles as that’s probably deserving its own listing. Will throw Wrap & Rap and Lesson in there for fun too.

Overall, I think Matenrou is sort of hit or ‘eh, it’s fine’ for me. It’s either such a bop, that’s all I’m listening to for weeks. Or it’s one that I might go seek out either for researching purposes or it’s just specific mood. No real in between. And that’s probably because of the major differences in their members. It’s clear they were formed because of Jakurai’s eccentricity and fondness of it. And with any of the crews, I tend to like the team ones. I just like hearing different voices coming together. Especially when theirs is made to sound nice together. So yeah. 

13) Welcome U - It just didn’t feel like a Matenrou song for me. I’m sorry! I have no idea what Matenrou songs are but this just wasn’t it for me. I just didn’t vibe with it. Which is weird considering this was the first major song of Matenrou and technically my first since I did do the anime series first. But let’s put it like this, I can literally remember every other thing of the entire episode that featured this song...besides the song. Everything. But. The. Music. Of a series where the music is the focus. That’s not good. But to be fair, I more or less like one song from each team from the anime and Welcome U was not it for Matenrou. 

12) Papillon - Mmm, I dunno. I like the song in theory since it is very much them just kicking back and that’s cute. In practice? I don’t know how it didn’t click for me. I don’t think it was because of the talking because that was done in Ohayo Ikebukuro and I like that one. And I do find it fun as it absolutely sounds like them talking in the car. Maybe it’s just which styles blended together? I really can’t place why I do not like this one as much. Don’t hate it, don’t love it.  

11) Champagne Gold - I know! I know! I don’t know how we came to this considering I like Hifumi over Jakurai. But I just couldn’t get into this one! Maybe it was at a disadvantage because it was such a stark contrast with the others on the album. I have no idea. I do know I was a little put off by call back since it really just sounded like him in a higher pitch...which is fine but I’m pretty sure they just used a girl’s voice in an earlier part of the song and I just don’t get why didn’t use something like that for the call back. And too many champagnes. I am concerned for your liver, Hifumi.

10) The Champion - Poor frickin’ Hifumi. I’m sure he had to despair when he was looking through the verses of his teammates. Like do you guys know how to write a victory song??? Which is a shame because Hifumi’s verse and style was so suited for this sound. I honestly I don’t think it was the the verses so much as the chorus though? I know their voices generally sound deeper than most of the other divisions but felt like worked against them in this song. 

9) Lesson - And I think this is the last of my ‘I probably wouldn’t look it up too often’ songs on this list. I honestly thought Ramuda took the show in this one but I mean it kinda makes sense since this was him teaching Jakurai and of course Jakurai is gonna sound clumsier than him. I find this one really cute. It also was fun listening to how the beat switched up for every lesson. I think it’s only lower because I don’t have a way to listen to it consistently. But I do think of Jakurai actually ‘putting up his white flag’ to Ramuda and Ramuda able to point out Jakurai’s strengths was also super cute and also super sad thinking about what came after this. 

8) Party wo Tomenaide and You Are, Therefore I Am - Yes, I had a tie. Mainly because they have the same reasoning for being here. And that’s that they both have tripped me into their arms and not let me go. I wasn’t too into them before but both of them have grown on me. Ah, I think Party wo Tomenaide’s lyrics just ends up attacking my feels and it’s one of those pop songs that are actually sad and I don’t know, somehow that’s a subset of my music tastes. Meanwhile I wasn’t into the ‘being taken to church’ songs that are usual in hip-hop genre but I was really surprised by the content of the lyrics and it honestly sounds like Jakurai’s happy in this one. 

7) Fallin’ - This may have a slight edge just because I just think of that entire frickin’ episode when I listen to that song. And I dunno, anyone else feel like this was like them testing out if Matenrou could do the pace for what would be Tomoshibi? That’s what I feel like with that one. 

6) Labyrinth Wall - I feel like not a lot of people like this song. And I mean, I guess if I had think about the lyrics for a long time, I probably would be like ‘you okay over there Jakurai?’ But I dunno, the pace and the off-vocals? Banger. That swell into his chorus? Absolutely fucking great. Naaa...! Shindara doko ni--I chose this over frickin’ Tigridia for my ringtone for that part.

5) Tigridia - I originally had loved Tigridia first and that’s mainly because it was the first song I was listening to that used Doppo’s ‘natural’ voice all the way through. He has a nice voice! The sax is hella sexy in the background. Nice little bit of jazz. I’m surprised this wasn’t my friend’s favorite track tbh. But it eventually got beat out as my knowledge of hypmic grew.  

4) Wrap & Rap - Look. Look you can judge me all you want but this is one of those songs that could be played while I’m at some of my worst and I can’t help but smile at it. It’s my Sugar Song and Bitter Step. It’s a dose of seretonin and has to be parsed out because I have to go looking for this song if I wanna listen to it.  

3) Black or White - Yeah yeah, go ahead. Be unsurprised that my fave is at the top of the solos. But to be fair, I fell in love with Doppo’s verses and songs before I fell for him. Black and white ended up a hit for me with its vibe (although I admit I found a cover first and only realized when I going back through songs). When I learned the lyrics, I can’t help but smile and feel those words in my bones of miserable workdom. It makes my terrible shifts bearable.

2) Tomoshibi - I get so emotional over this song still. And it’s just. So. Vulnerable. I don’t know how to describe the feeling I get of actually thinking about the lyrics. And then just the music itself. It’s like a drive in the evening or early morning as it starts raining (I actually do often listen to this song on my morning drives). I’m never gonna stop getting got by the interjections of their teammates within their verses and how their tone changes after being picked up by that person. I can’t even with that--! It isn’t so slow it’s ballad-y but it’s not a dance thing. Which may be why it is just below my number 1. 

1) Shinjuku Style ~ Don’t Make Us Laugh ~ - If it hasn’t occurred to y’all by now, I’m a being in love with vibe of let’s fuck shit up and being a bad bitch. And that’s all I got from this song. Like how no one heard this song and didn’t go for the throat with these bastards is anyone’s guess. Especially since that Hifumi’s best diss verse and he chose VIOLENCE. And they just? Had such strong boss energy??? I don’t know how to put it! I love the mania of Doppo’s verse and also I continually laugh because he and Jakurai literally call Doppo and Hifumi some psychopaths. Like you wouldn’t think that dealing with them. Then you meet them on the battleground and you know it’s not an idle threat. This is one of those songs that if I had to get pulled over, let it be while I’m peeling down the highway to this. 

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Secret-Diary Recommends Some Music

I’m not exactly a ‘music person’, in that I don’t know a lot about the mechanics that underpin it: I couldn’t look at sheet music and tell you what the tune is or describe the change in chords in a classical piece. I’m not even 100% sure what the difference between a Ukulele and a Banjo is, aside from the fact that one is played by coquettish islanders while I get shit-faced on Pina Colladas in the background and the other is played by Louisiana bootleggers from the 1920s with comedy accents. All that being said, I know enough to know that the overwhelming preponderance of music produced today is total crap. Every time I’m foolish enough to tune a radio to a musical station, there’s a new barely-pubescent twatwipe peeping about their feelings in a tupperware voice that strongly suggests they don’t actually have any. Either that or its some nominally grown-ass man or woman singing something that they imagine is sassy and empowering but actually just makes them sound like Gary from World’s End- only less charming, because immature, quasi-literate manbabies are infinitely more annoying when they’re real. The point is, it’s a fucking wasteland out there. Trying to find a band (from now or the past) who you’d actually want to listen to can be a chore. That’s why, as your gracious patron and benefactor, I’ve decided to share the fruits of my musical explorations with you and hit you with some recommendations. I’ve tried to be as eclectic as possible, since I want everyone who reads this to find something they’ll like, no matter how radically divergent their individual tastes are. Some of the entries on this list are famous, some are obscure and some were famous but have been made obscure by the passage of time. I’ve tried to limit myself to people whose music you might not be fully aware of, even if you’ve heard of them to some extent, but I’m not plugged into what is and isn’t popular with peeps nowadays, so don’t read too much into my choices if they seem either too obvious or too bizarre. Here goes.

1. The Orion Experience An ultra-camp synthesis of New Romantic music, bubble-gum pop and modern vocal stylings, The Orion Experience are unlike anything else you’ll have heard recently. They seem to borrow as much from the original Decadent tradition in art and literature as from later musical iterations, meaning that their lyrics are complex and sophisticated without being especially deep. They’re primarily concerned with building aesthetically-interesting and richly-evocative language-constructs rather than performing an emotion that no-one in the band is actually feeling. The deliberate artifice is deeply refreshing in a musical landscape of faked sincerity and forced emoting. I recommend starting with the songs The Cult of Dionysus and Sugar. If you like those, the rest of their stuff may also interest you.

2. Trace Adkins During an attempt to write a wild west/sci-fi fusion novel, I went on a musical odyssey, looking for apposite songs that would gel well with the world I was building (knowing a world’s soundtrack can help cement that world in your imagination- try it, if you’re a writer yourself). Anyway, I stumbled across Trace Adkins- a country singer with a palpable sense of humour about being a country singer and a knack for delivering a silly-but-well-turned phrase. Also, without getting technical, his tunes just flat-out rock. I have no idea how well known he in the Country and Western World, but since his existence came as news to me, I’m sticking him on this list. Start with the surprisingly sexy Honky Tonk Badonkadonk and graduate to Hot Momma and Whoop a Man’s Ass. You’ll know if it’s your sort of thing from the first minute of any of those songs.

3. Caravan Palace Have ye heard of a thing called Electric Swing? If you’re reading a blog post about music, you probably have, but just in case you haven’t, let me tell you it’s a fantastic genre. Imagine if The Great Gatsby owned a synth and took a fuckload of mind-squanching hallucinogens. Well, that’s Electric Swing. Few do it better than Caravan Palace, who also seem to borrow heavily from club music and other genres, adding these to their unique blend. For some pure Electric Swing, start with Susie. For something a little more modern, start with Lone Digger.

4. 11 Acorn Lane Speaking of Electric Swing, I can also recommend 11 Acorn Lane, whose lyrics can be a little more playful than those of Caravan Palace. They also have a somewhat more classic sound. Start with Let’s Face it I’m Cute for a great sample of their work.

5. The Fratellis Now, my UK readers have almost certainly heard of The Fratellis, since they actually got some traction on mainstream radio over here. I’m less sure about those of you reading along in America, so allow me to make an introduction. Their music is joyously and unapologetically grimy and proletarian, paring an unrivaled sense of fun and energy with a sly, low-key feeling of cynicism and detachment. The tunes and melodies evoke Rock, punk and New-Wave (think The Ramones by way of The Proclaimers) without wholly relying on any of them. Check out Chelsea Dagger or Henrietta to hear them at their most gleefully up-tempo-yet-jaded, or try Vince the Lovable Stoner for a more chill, tongue-in-cheek song.

5. Dionne Warwick You’ve probably heard of her in connection with There’s Always Something There to Remind Me, especially since it featured heavily in that one fantastic episode of Black Mirror. However, you might not have realised just how much she’s contributed to musical history: her soft-yet-powerful voice and classic Rock rhythms and tunes combine to create something archetypal yet unique. Leap right in with Do You Know the Way to San Jose and discover a fucking legend.

6. Rufus Rex Ever wanted to hear a freakishly talented man singing songs based on horror films and books (particularly the works of H.P. Lovecraft) in a style that evokes Goth music but defies genre on closer inspection? Then get your arse over to Rufus Rex and start plumbing the nightmarish depths of horror-music with the song World’s In Between.

7. Studio Killers Contemporary electronic music with surprisingly inventive and weird lyrics. That about sums up Studio Killers, really. Look, not everything on this list can be genre-transcendent or epoch-defining: some things are just very good examples of the type of music they belong to. If you haven’t heard of them, start with the song Eros and Apollo then check out Ode to the Bouncer, then compare and contrast: those two songs represent the two opposite edges of the musical spectrum they cover, so if you like either one, at least some of their songs will be for you. Also, treat yourself to the music videos on Youtube: they’re surreal and awsesome.

8. Fishbone A punky ska band from back in the day, Fishbone are on this list for one reason and one reason only: Party at Ground Zero. Party at Ground Zero is an upbeat, gloriously energetic song about nuclear war. It’s a total jam and you absolutely have to experience it for yourself.

9. Tomska Tomska... isn’t technically a professional musician. He’s a Youtube comedian, short-film maker and collaborative animator who became internet-famous for his ‘ASDF movies’. On the off-chance that you haven’t seen them, they’re short collections of animated skits and jokes rendered in a simple but immediately-compelling and recognisable style. Anyway, Tomska decided to create fast-paced, catchy songs about some of the recurring characters in his ASDF movies, and those songs turned out to be fucking amazing- being both laugh-out-loud funny and actually really musically ambitious and well put together. Check them out on his channel. I’m particularly fond of Mine Turtles, but you do you.

10. Paul Anka Big band and jazz musician Paul Anka once set out on a quest to create 1920s-sounding versions of famous rock ‘n’ roll songs and the results can only be described as ‘eargasmically epic’. His versions of Jump and Eye of the Tiger are, frankly, better than the originals.

Right, that’s everything I can thing of for now. I’m going to go make myself a big sandwich. By the time your read this, I’ll be settling down with two-slices of bread, some cheese and an unreasonably large amount of cranberry sauce. All the songs and bands in today’s entry are on Youtube, so go have a nosy. Until next time, peace out and fuck off!

[regularbeans]

Best Artists of 2019

Hello and welcome to me forgetting how I do these things.

So as you may have noticed I got into kpop last year and then I continued getting into kpop this year. This year I got to know a lot of other artists in kpop and mostly spent my time listening to one specific artist (you will never guess whom) so this list is... just that ok. Also this category used to be called best newbies and only included artists I got to know in a specific year then I changed it to include any artist I listened to a lot but with a few exceptions all the music I listened to this year were new discoveries for me so...

Idk why I always overexplain these, huh.

Honourable mentions go to Monsta X, Nu’est, Chungha, Sunmi, Stray Kids, Bolbbalgan4, The Boyz, and returning artists Mamamoo ♥♥

7 - NCT (the whole of it but mostly 127)

As a baby kpoppie NCT always seemed so intimidating to me with its many many members but the few songs I liked from them upon first listen eventually lured me into getting to know them. Now I’m no expert but to me NCT is a little frustrating because I feel like the label could do so much more with them (and by more I don’t mean to make certain members work even more). I have to admit I often don’t feel like a proper fan because I don’t follow them very closely but to me their music is always the best part of the package and I care very little for their vlogs and... whatever else they’re doing, honestly.

But as a group I feel like they really could do anything as they’ve already explored so many styles and concepts there really isn’t anything that doesn’t sound like them. My personal favourites are Superhuman, Touch, and Boss but this year NCT Dream made a really good comeback I was 100% on board with with Boom, and Wayv’s debut Take Off was also 👌👌👌👌👌👌

6 - Oneus

I didn’t know a whole lot about anything when these guys debuted and I didn’t even know Valkyrie was their debut song for a long time. It was nice and I didn’t really keep them in mind any longer until they were on Weekly Idol with the other group I’ll talk about in a bit and then I mean, I just had to adopt them, I think we all did at that point. It was also around the time they had their first comeback and it was 👌👌👌👌👌👌 but they still only lived in my tiny brain as a group I’ll eventually get into. And then they released 가자 and I did!

They have two amazing rappers and a fairly versatile vocal line and a style that allows for both dynamic bangers and less radio friendly albeit still addictive tunes that defines their sound even further. I don’t know a lot about how they well-promoted they are, I know they have a shitton of schedules so I hope RWB calms the fuck down eventually and paces themselves because these boys are really promising.

I guess checking their title tracks, Valkyrie, Twilight, and *cringe* Lit should have to suffice but also Bingbing and Blue Sky.

5 - Tomorrow x Together

I never said I didn’t like them so stop staring at me.

Obviously their debut was exciting and interesting and I was really looking forward to seeing what they would be like. It wasn’t 100% my cuppa though Crown was an amazing song, I was still happy for them and excited to see how they would evolve overtime. I kinda fell off the bandwagon around May and June cause they weren’t really putting out content based around music and I’m not super interested in variety shows and reality shows unless I’m really invested in the members, but their first comeback was also 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌 The songs are really poppy and catchy and cover a variety of themes I think most people interested in getting emotional value out of music can relate to and Yeonjun and Soobin are just, simply put, my boys.

If I could have one comment on what I’d like to see change in the future it’d be the endless masking and layering of the vocals. I can just about tell their voices apart in certain songs but then they pump ‘em full of effects in other songs and I’m jus like whomstdve the fuck am I listening to?

Check out Crown and Run Away, their two title tracks so far and also my personal favourite, Magic Island and maybe Can't We Just Leave the Monster Alive? too and this one as well whatever.

4 - Taemin / Shinee

I’ll put these two together because yOU CAN’T SEPARATE THEM OKAY I mean it is true that Taemin’s solo material is vastly, vastly different from Shinee’s music but uh this is how I decided.

Shinee is very fun, very diverse, they have the most heart-wrenching songs and then the most upbeat melodies that kickstart the serotonin-production in my brain just like that. I mean they are just vocal powerhouses and they’re using it, but in the same time they have like, these low(er)-energy bops that are just so pleasant to listen to.

Shinee’s weird cause I have a Shinee playlist where I put all the songs I liked from them and I think I don’t know the title of a good half of them but I don’t think I’ve ever pressed the skip button while playing that playlist.

And then Taemin is just very different on his own. Vocally he’s way more strong than Shinee’s music would have you believe, and though he has a sexy concept going on most of the time he’s also not way over the top with it which is... weird to say because he’s very theatrical sometimes. But especially if you compare his most recent material to his solo debut stuff he just looks and sounds way more relaxed in what he’s doing (it’s almost as though he’s matured a little over the years. but only a little). Things you love to see: that.

From Shinee: Symptoms, Countless, The Reason, Drive, Don’t Let Me Go, 1 of 1 From Taemin: Stone Heart, Want, Move, Under My Skin

3 - Day6

I want you to picture this: me, crying.

I had heard about Day6 from one of my two kpop mutuals on twitter lmao but I always heard Days Gone By mentioned as the best song ever and when I checked it out I didn’t think it to be very special at the time. It was only because I thought Time of Our Life was ok and cute and Shoot Me was very catchy that I made a playlist with all their songs on it and listened to it one time when I had to walk a mile to the train station at five in the morning. And then I heard 121U and Headache and that was it.

I don’t think I say anything outlandish if I say Day6 could be from any other part of the world if you take a look at their sound. They’re very easy-listening pop rock, they’re the kind of melodic rock music I loved when I was in high school. So what makes them special?

That I love them, that’s what >[ I don’t think they have anything more than any other group in their genre but I think they just have everything to steal my friKKEN HEART. First of all I don’t know what kind of demon deal JYP made to get a hold of four vocalists like this, I mean they’re all different but instantly recognisable and their range is just ????????? I think Jae is considered the weakest vocalist (outside of Dowoon but I mean he’s drums) and even the notes that boy belts out are blowing my mind. He has a very natural, almost untrained-sounding tone, Sungjin’s very raspy and emotional, Young K’s voice is very open and full (I think he actually has the biggest range? I could be wrong), and Wonpil has that boyish, charming, kinda slippery but still stable voice that first grabs your attention.

And of course a lot of the writing credit goes to the group’s very own Young K which makes me feel a lot closer to them when I’m listening to their songs. So good job, guys, on everything.

Truly, though, getting to know Day6 has just been so special this year and it just goes to show how even mainstream pop music in korea can be so diverse and anyone could find something they like at any corner.

Holy fuckbucket, what should I even recommend? I guess listen to Shoot Me, 121U, Headache, then also my first favourite song, Somehow, my current favourite song Beautiful Feeling and my current second favourite song I Need Somebody and also their most recent comeback Sweet Chaos and my recent new discoveries Lean On Me, Goodbye Winter, I Would and but also just check out my Spotify playlist for them I literally love every single song on there. Fuck, Like That Sun, Letting Go, Sing Me, Rescue Me, 365247 i’M DYING HERE, SUNGJIN

BITCH, LIKE A FLOWING WIND

2 - Seventeen

hOkkkaAyy

For the longest time, well, for about five months I guess, I thought these guys would be first place on this list forever. They were the ones who broke the big BTS spell I was under for the second half of 2018 and I really just, fell facefirst into the diamond life. Getting Closer didn’t quite get me in the first round and even Home was a bit like, okay, cute, best of luck for them. Then something happened and both Getting Closer and Home just hit me like a fucking truck even though they’re on two opposite sides of the scale. You know. The song scale. The famous one? That one.

I made a tweet once that I still agree with, that loving Seventeen really is just cutting your own heart up into thirteen even-sized bits and every single bit is filled with so, so much love.

Like many/some(?) of the groups I love, Seventeen is self-composed and for that I am so grateful because their label Pledis is a shithole so thank fuck to Mr. Lee Jihoon for carrying the industry on his back.

The group consists of three units, all of which have their distinct strengths (except for the performance unit, those theatre nerds just had to be good at everything, didn’t they) and Seventeen makes time to explore all of those units, sometimes even making other subunits from different boy configurations (or boyfigurations for short) and somehow it manages to feel balanced and patient and not rushed.

And I especially love how admittedly they started to stop caring about what the public expects from them and they’re exploring concepts that excites them personally. They caught a lot of flak for releasing songs like Hit and Fear after the astounding success Home had back in January and a lot of fans and non-fans alike quoted the groups unwillingness to keep doing what has been proven to work as the reason of their diminishing sales and public interest.

And even though I personally enjoy their brighter concepts also, I just, I can respect that attitude, you know? At the end of the day Seventeen has an obvious and visible love for their own craft and there’s nothing more enjoyable than that.

Now I’m really in trouble as to what to recommend, they have so many different types of songs x”) Okay, Our Dawn is Hotter Than Day, Clap, Adore U, Home, Getting Closer. Also Hit. And like, a billion of their b-sides, just check my spotify playlist for them ok.

1 - Ateez

*feeling of fear*

Do I even have to go into why I love Ateez? Every time I think about them and just how big a part they played in my life this year I get this overwhelming urge to express just why and just how much I love them.

This year I really just... lost the ability to be happy about things that used to give so much happiness. It’s been a sad and scary downward spiral that I just don’t have enough strength to stop so I guess it’s no wonder that I’d latch onto the first thing that becomes an everyday positive presence in my life. Ateez and the memories connected to them this year have been the reason for the few and far between moments of happiness in my life in 2019 and for that I’ll forever be grateful.

It’s like. When it hits, it just hits, you know?

And I just can’t, can’t wait to scream my little heart out to their songs in March with Linn okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I guess if I could just have one wish it’d be for them to play Twilight, and Treasure, Illusion, Say My Name, Utopia, Hala Hala, Win, Mist, Wave, my whole Spotify playlist.

[taste-in-music]

Music Monday (3/4/19)

March is here, along with an influx of exciting releases and new favorites. I’ve got so much to talk about, so let’s get right to it.

New Releases

Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen: She’s back again and she’s saving the music industry. This perfect slice of synth pop is a ton of fun, full of Carly’s signature energy and genuine eagerness to just be full out, unapologetically pop.  

Sight Of You by Sigrid: I swear Sigrid is joy incarnate. I need Sucker Punch to drop like I need air to breathe.  

No Plan by Hozier: Take me to the Wasteland, Baby! I love how intense this track is, when I heard that electric guitar at the start of the song for the first time, I was shook. I like the jazzy feel of the instrumentals, Hozier’s rich vocals, and the summer, laid back atmosphere this song presents. Hozier, just Hozier. We don’t deserve him. 

We Talk All The Time by The Japanese House: I was so excited for The Japanese House to release her first album, and Good At Falling is finally here! It’s certainly a mood album, very chill but intricate in its sound. (Every track flows together, and I’m all for albums that do that, like Expectations by Hayley Kiyoko.) It sounds like falling up into the clouds, if that makes any sense. This song was released as a single, but I put off listening to it until the album dropped, and I really love it. Amber Bain’s vocals are entrancing as always, and it’s so soothing while still having a great pulse. 

Take It Or Leave It by Willa: I’m just so here for this Willa comeback. This song is even more of a bop then Cause You Did, (and I really like Cause You Did.) Willa has a lot of personality on the vocals, and goddamn is that chorus catchy. I’m not always into distorted-vocal drops, but instead of being plunked into the song all at once, it’s intertwined with the chorus’s lyrics, so it never feels like dead air in the song. Check Willa out, she’s really cool and deserves more attention. 

Cruel To Care (Voice Memo) by LÉON: We’ve got another highly anticipated album drop with LÉON’s self titled debut! Along with her catchy as fuck singles, (Baby Don’t Talk, Falling, You and I,) that I talked about in past Music Mondays, this album also features a lot of quieter, more restrained moments. This song is a prime example, with minimal production and a first-take charm that allows LÉON’s vocals to shine. Tell me why this song has me sad over a lost relationship that I’ve never had in the first place? Because it does. ‘

Flux by Ellie Goulding: A new Ellie Goulding single! Without a rap verse! I’ve been waiting for this for a long, long time. Ellie’s voice is so unique, dusky, and wonderful, and this track gives it the spotlight by backing it with quiet strings and pianos. Just lovely. 

Sucker by Jonas Brothers: Okay, I have no nostalgic attachment to the Jonas Brothers. I never watched their TV show, (or Disney channel at all for that matter,) and I’ve only heard their older songs a handful of times, (though yes, I can confirm that Year 3000 and Burnin’ Up are bangers, in a not-only-ironic way.) This song is a bop, with some Feel It Still by Portugal. The Man vibes, and is about how much they love their wives. So yes, 10/10 respect. I’m ready for this comeback. 

Other Favorites

Lemonade by Rubblebucket: I mentioned Rubblebucket in my favorite songs of 2018 list for their song Fruity, (which is a major bop to the top by the way, check it out.) But we’re not here to talk about Fruity, we’re here to talk about Lemonade. This song is very synthesizer heavy, with a slinky beat, a surprising but refreshing trumpet solo, and an enticing vocal melody. I like the mood that this song projects, a bit jazzy, a bit strange, and a bit sexy. 

Mowgli’s Road by MARINA: In preparation for Love + Fear, I’ve been catching up on MARINA’s past discography, and since I’d never heard The Family Jewels, I decided to check it out. And this song is particular. Holy lawd. It’s a bop. Just, the biggest bop. I love how weird this song gets, with the endlessly charming “cuckoos” sprinkled throughout to the canned toy laughter to the tangents about silverware to the all out nightmare that the song shatters into in its last quarter or so. I’ve had it on repeat this whole week. (Also, the music video? Absolutely wack. I can’t stop watching it.)

Dirty Dirty by Charlotte Cardin: I’m in love with Charlotte Cardin’s voice. It’s so smoky and sensual, like Grace or Amy Winehouse. This song in particular is one of my favorites from her. Just think one of the songs that would play in a romantic piano bar scene in a spy thriller. It’s like that, and it’s great.

Saint Claude (Version Française) by Christine and the Queens: Now for another music video I can’t stop watching. For some reason I was watching old Lorde interviews from 2013 on YouTube, and the interviewer asked her about songs that she liked, and she mentioned this. Now I’m not one to turn down the words of the Lorde, so I gave it a listen, and of course it’s amazing, what else did I expect? This song is so ethereal and pretty, it feels like floating up into the clouds, and I don’t even care that it’s in French and I don’t know what any of the words mean. I haven’t heard the English version of this song, and I don’t know if I want to. If anything, the fluidity of the French language adds to the atmosphere of the song.

Check out my last Music Monday.

Follow my personal playlist on Spotify.

[cherry-interlude]

Top 10 Favourite Lana Del Rey Songs (Discography)

I’ve made posts like this before, discussing my favourite Lana Del Rey songs (or weakly ordering them despite the frequent alternations in which songs I like more), but I rarely seem to write at the moment so I thought I’d vaguely order my favourite Lana songs from her discography

10. Salvatore

This track is just a filler but I think it deserves much more, particularly as it is set apart from the rest of her music. The instrumentals and vocals, which are heavily Italian in nature, really set the scene for the beautiful landscape in which Lana is ‘working on her tan’, taking us away from the country she frequently sings of (though manages to reference it anyway) and into a different universe entirely, where the song gradually builds as does her seduction through the song. What sets this song apart is also the unusual laughing - or crying - at the start of the song which plays underneath the rest of the track, sounding like an old man who is either maniacally laughing or brokenly sobbing, which makes me wonder if he is whom Lana sings of, much to his enjoyment, or if she has left him, much to his agony, making this song’s layers become curios-er and curious-er.

9. The Blackest Day

This song is particularly special to me, not because I necessarily relate to it but because I have always been mesmerised by its beauty and emotion. It slipped through the cracks for me until I sat and listened to Honeymoon properly, and I thought it was incredible how Lana managed to convey her grief through the steadiness, building and falling along with her vocals, through the song, and it was heart-wrenching the first dozen times I heard the bridge which seemed as if Lana was losing her controlled tone from the verses. It’s an incredible track overall, with the references to Lana’s favourite musician and the way she mutters, wails and just purely sings, reminding me of the underrated Cruel World from a sadder perspective, making me wish she would sing this song live or at least push it into the spotlight along with the rest of her most-loved music.

8. Brooklyn Baby

I don’t listen to or particularly like songs I don’t relate to, particularly when they oppose me in nature - for example, This Is What Makes Us Girls - but Brooklyn Baby is one of Lana’s finest masterpieces in terms of music. It’s a charming song which strays from her dismal world of sublime sadness and instead perks up the album with a plucky guitar and Lana’s sweet vocals. Yet Lana’s vocals aren’t just sweet - they can be strong and breezy, as demonstrated in the pre-choruses - and it’s this that adds to the richness of the song. Understanding that Lana’s idea for the song is to be ironic makes it more bearable, yet it is great to hear the ridiculous claims of how no one is as cool as Lana, when compared to the much more adult and gritty opinions on ‘being the mistress’ or being abused yet nonetheless dedicated, which highlights this song as an enjoyable delight rather than a typically sad song.

7. Shades Of Cool

My terrible opinion of Shades Of Cool was, at first, that it was boring, not at all interesting and too weird for me to get my head around, yet giving it several listens really struck me just how incredible the song is, from the breathtaking music to Lana’s coy yet strong vocals - much like in Brooklyn Baby - to the emotive lyrics. Just the opening music to the track is enough to raise goosebumps, with the tentative steps that match her voice perfectly before it grows to an explosion of vocalising and music that seems to come from her heart rather than instruments. The clashing bridge is also now a favourite of mine, defiantly demonstrating her emotions as rather than being careful like in the verses instead being this strangely hypnotic noise, and I can say I was absolutely mistaken when I first claimed this to be a boring song.

6. Art Deco

The lyrics may be simple but somehow Art Deco never stops being one of my favourite tracks. The hypnotic music, which I describe as ‘aquatic’, sets the tone perfectly and automatically gives the feeling of calm on the listener, distancing from some of the more fiery tracks and instead is refreshing as a song. It doesn’t mean much in terms of lyrics, as the verses are just about the type of person I could never relate to, and the choruses are mostly basic, but the feeling the song gives me is incredible. The gradual build, with the final chorus feeling much more powerful and emotive than the rest of the song, leaves a flourishing finish, whilst maintaining the same feeling of contentment each time I listen to this song. What would make the song more perfect is if it had a music video or a live performance from Lana to bring that feeling and dreamy world to life.

5. Born To Die

There are many songs on Born To Die that I do love, but if I had to pick just one to put on this list, it would have to be the album’s title track. My favourite song on the album is Blue Jeans, yet this track somehow has more meaning to me personally rather than just the story I’m being told through the track I favour, and I can relate somewhat to Born To Die, for many reasons. What makes me like this song more is that it is one of the first which really made me listen to Lana Del Rey, with Young and Beautiful, Video Games and Put Me In A Movie being the first few, yet Born To Die was something else entirely and seemed to take me to another place that still felt in my world. The lyrics, which surely can be applied to many people and situations, always relate to me no matter who or what is surrounding me. There’s also the instrumental, the violins and the steps that lead into the verse, then the much more dramatic burst of the chorus which gives the song a film-feel, which is what I enjoy about Lana Del Rey’s music. It’s such a Lana Del Rey song, a memorable classic from her discography, and the greatest example of why she is brilliant when it comes to her music.

4. Ultraviolence

Because there are previous posts where I have talked about Ultraviolence, I won’t repeat what I’ve written but Ultraviolence is definitely one of Lana’s strongest songs in terms of music, as the clanging cacophony of chiming bells and shaky violins sets the tone perfectly, the slightly-off feel and the low-fi quality shows the instability and abusive romance, which doesn’t make this purely a song.

3. Cruel World

Like with the track Ultraviolence, I have gushed over Cruel World many times before, particularly when it comes to the luxuriously low-fi rumble of guitars, drums and Lana’s vocals which incredibly show her anger throughout the track, particularly when she claims she is “crazy”, an atmospheric track which is brilliant to listen to whenever you feel just as deranged as Lana within this song. It is one of Lana’s best songs by far, as passionate as it is sexy, as sad as it is empowering, and it paints the perfect image of Ultraviolence itself - unpolished yet undeniably brilliant, Lana’s finest album in terms of instrumentals.

2. Music To Watch Boys To

This track definitely managed to fight its way onto the list after years of not really listening to it as much as the rest of her music, yet Lana’s beautiful and unusual atmospheric aquatic dream, Music To Watch Boys To, is a hypnotic masterpiece and one of her best songs. It may be slow-paced and quiet song, a homage to the people that pass Lana by, but it’s a soothing, sensual track which includes different vocalisations that layer this song as much as her emotions do throughout it, whilst maintaining a cool, careless feel despite the theme of the song. The lyrics which keep the rich imagery often within Lana’s music make this the perfect glimpse into Lana’s mind, and the Fantasia-feel creates a world rather than merely a track.

1. Cherry

Though it isn’t impactful the same way as Lana’s stronger tracks such as Born To Die, Ultraviolence or her other well-known songs, it’s still a fan favourite and my own personal favourite. Though it keeps with the theme of sadness, unreliable people and Lana’s typically Del Rey imagery which she lists within the track, it’s still a seductive and strong song, twisting the idea of being broken into being able to be stronger from it, as Lana doesn’t lose her brilliance within this song. The instrumentals make this even better, with the Ultraviolence-feel of guitars and drums - though more polished - whilst maintaining the feel of Lana’s latest album.

[literaphobe]

i was tagged by @romanticcstylez !! (legend) 

rulez: list 10 songs you’re currently obsessed with and then tag 10 people

Rough - GFRIEND (i was really into this song like a year or two ago?? but then i randomly thought hey,, i haven’t heard this song in a while so i put it back in my playlist and the rest was history im obsessed again this song makes me feel like im in a field of dandelions and its kinda snowing a lil and i should be dancing and also clocks are ticking THAT BEING SAID the actual meaning of this song title in korean is ‘running through time’ how do u get ‘rough’ from running through time?? wtf man who translated this shit but yeah rough is the official english title and did i mention that this song is about a bunch of girls yearning to tell their crush that they like them but they either keep missing their chance or get too scared BUT in the music video there are no men around?? and at the end all the girls get real happy to see one another and they’re riding bikes and shit anyway i assume its a song about a bunch of girls who are in love with girls but are too afraid to tell them bc wlw cowardice and it makes sense bc the song makes the world out to be a lot tougher and scarier than it would be for a straight couple IN CONCLUSION i like this song and therefore its gay)

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - Fall Out Boy (FUCK ANYONE WHO DOESN’T THINK THIS IS THE BEST SONG IN MANIA- im just kidding, i mean, it’s the best, but that’s a personal preference for me?? i love this song so much i want it playing always i could listen to only this song forever and i’d probably be okay with that?? like this song is a drum storm and it’s yelling at me and i LOVE it love the yelling v v good there’s also some french?? wordplay shit idk so that automatically makes it sexy it makes no sense yet is also v deep?? is it deep?? who knows. in writing this very pointless explanation as to why i like this song THE ONLY THING THAT’S EVER STOPPING ME IS ME HEY sorry i’ve listened to this song like 3 times already while slowly typing all this out and oh my god it goes so hard!!!!! it goes so fucking hard i love it i love this nice thick and hard song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it deserves a music video im so mad like its so fucking good when mania dropped FOB didn’t give me no warning they didn’t prepare me with a random mv that made no sense and gdi STAY FROSTY ROYAL MILK TEA DESERVES AN MV also im naming a fic after this song word for word hgdfjghadjf i should stop tldr this song makes me feel like i can take on the world i feel so powerful when i listen to it also i listened to it like a fourth or fifth time i think hoo boi) 

The Ballad Of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco (SAY WHAT YOU MEEEAN TELL ME IM RIIIIGHT AND LET THE SUN RAIN DOWN ON ME come ON this song is so fucking good!!!!!! its creepy how good it is it makes no sense in a way but it speaks to me so hard!!!!!! it’s like good!!!!!!!!!! like the bells?? esp in the beginning and throughout the whole song tbh also the drums and like the drum buildup to the chorus was SICK and so was brendon urie yelling in song at the top of his voice that i enjoy recreating i’ll stop here bc i can’t keep fucking making these so long)

Emperor’s New Clothes - Panic! At The Disco (if it weren’t for this song i would have said that the ballad of mona lisa is my fave p!atd song but alas here lies a sick banger!!!!!! got sick lyrics that i haven’t analyzed but it got sick beats!! okay given the way i explain why i like this song it seems like i don’t even like it but i do okay!!)

All Falls Down - Alan Walker, Noah Cyrus, Digital Farm Animals (god i got some weird nostalgia shit attached to this song?? my sister first got me into it when we were on vacation in Finland and the thing is i usually don’t care too much for being abroad like places are just places and no matter how dope or wild a place is i put it into a ‘cool concept’ box and i tuck it somewhere in my mind and at the end of the day i’m glad i had some experiences but i like being at home-- BUT whenever i listen to this song i think about being in the bus in finland and it’s a long ride so it’s quiet but i’m listening to this song as i stare out the window and look at the snow dusted trees that pass me by each of them unique and beautiful and something i can’t help but anticipate;; i think about that time we were in this supermarket and i bought a ton of candy and the song came on over the speakers and me and my sister got so excited i think about how the sun set at 2 in the afternoon because we were deep into winter and i remember holding onto my dad as we drove through a crazy snow that was kinda stormy on this KTV like thing and it felt like there was no one around for miles and we went really fast,,,,, and a part of me feels like i’m there again, i’m still there, yet i’m here and i want to go back?? cold as shit but yeah i always feel Finland™ when i listen to this song so i can’t bring myself to skip it!! also its like a heck of a bop)

Earth - Sleeping At Last (what i love so much about this song is that i discovered it on accident?? i was listening to venus by the same artist at first and then earth came on and when it ended i was blown away. venus is also a good song that has a very sweet beginning but it doesn’t speak to me like this song does which i’ve heard someone say is about global warming?? which is hilarious anyway FAULT LINES TREMBLE UNDERNEATH MY GLASSHOUSE BUT I PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND LONG ENOUGH TO CALL IT COURAGE TO LIVE WITHOUT A LIFELINE I BEND THE DEFINITION OF FAITH TO EXONERATE MY BLIND EYE TILL THE SIRENS SOUND IM SAFE sorry god thats so good i love this song i was playing it one day while we were playing mahjong and the rule is if u win a round u get to play ur music on the speakers until someone else wins and my sister told me ‘do u have to play this song it sounds so depressing’ and god that just made me love this song more bc she’s right it has this Sad vibe but in a way it also goes hard?????)

The Last Of The Real Ones - Fall Out Boy (this song is sadly lower on the list than it deserves to be but thats prob bc i am not as into this song as i used to be STILL it is a VERY good song with a wicked piano beat in the beginning and before frosty dropped this was my favorite song in mania and honestly i’d easily still consider last of the real ones the second best song in mania?? song is very good and i like to think that it’s objectively very good so i don’t think it’s just me who likes it!!) 

Death Of A Bachelor - Panic! At The Disco (THERES A REASON URIE NAMED THE ALBUM AFTER THIS SONG!! its bc it a good song and its just so?? raw?? just pure brandon doin his dope job, pulling those wack vocals and making me go wowza!!)

Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) - Eurythmics (i wouldn’t say i’m obsESSED with this song its just i put it on my playlist and i can’t remember why but i like?? can’t skip this song it’s just good and like wow its good) 

Dragostea Din Tei - O-Zone (SHUT UP DON’T JUDGE ME)

anyway i’m so sorry for bein so extra i didnt need to be yet here i am doin a tag game after 28594940 years so here are the people who im forcing to at the very least glance at my bullshit: @chelseperetti @fourdrinkamy @linettithelezbian @distractingchildishmarriage @juliadorable @bisexualinetti @jakeperalta @beatcopjake @startofamoment @proofthatihaveaheart

[kyulkyungs]

reverse-idol!doyoung

Request: Hi! May I please request a reverse idol! Au with Doyoung of NCT? Thank you so much

(part 2 found here!)

others: jaehyun (part 2) | jaemin (part 2) | haechan (part 2) | renjun | jisung

i might interpretate his personality incorrectly i deeply apologize ono

but closing my eyes and thinking about it, i can see doyoung as a gfx maker???

doing those pastel or neon edits, either or but most times he likes working with lavenders and light blues

he absolutely loves taking his time to make colors or features softer, loving the effect he has on being able to make things even more beautiful than they are

on the rare occasion he does typography and honestly why doesn’t he do it more??? the composition and colors are fantastic but he doesn’t find it as fun to do as coloring and smoothening people

but for the longest time he was just

stuck

he had no idea what to do for his next work and it was frustrating him to no end

models, actors, singers, dancers, even his whacky friends

nothing inspired him

it wasn’t until he saw a picture of you on one of his friend’s phones

he had merely glanced over to tell his friends to stop talking so loudly about some weird band when he saw a photoset of you and his breath was taken away

he was all like “……………who is that??”

and the boys would turn slowly and peer over their shoulders only to see doyoung extremely close and trying to get a better glimpse of the image on the phone

they’d look at each other and give him a weird look

“you always tell us you’re not interested whenever we bring this up, what changed?”

and doyoung just waves it off because he. HAS. TO. KNOW!!! WHO!!!! YOU!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then all of a sudden he’s listening to your music, even some solos you had released because it “helps him focus and is really background noise for him”

yeah, no, he’s not even working while listening he’s jamming out and running the choreo in his head

he’s familiar with all the members and does edits on them too

but his main focus is on you

the only thing is, he can’t really seem to edit you that much???

because he sees no way to highlight or recolor or sharpen or smoothen out features when they’re already…………. there and beautiful

that’s one of his reasons for being so drawn to you, how beautiful he finds you and all he needs to do is make sure the colors work out together

and every comeback you destroy him even more and you can bet there will be a flurry of appreciation posts and more graphics of you

you can bet he probably has ten different screenshots of each scene you appear in

he still denies that he is becoming increasingly more loving and interested of your group when the others tease him about it

died internally when he saw your dance solo in the most recent comeback and nearly died for real when you started spitting out raps while doing it

screamed about it with mark for a week

because the contrast from how soft and sweet you looked normally in comparison to the major badass monster you threw at his face made him weak

when yuta comes up with his bias and claims that they’re the most beautiful being in the world doyoung pounces and has an entire list of why you’re so amazing and talented and godly

he even drew a couple diagrams

“you see the way their hair falls around their face?????? PERFECT 30 DEGREE ANGLE RIGHT…. HERE!!!!!”

he “caved” and bought an album for your comeback

no he wasn’t staying up late until he could purchase online and refreshed at least 5000 times

he loves your vocals and closes his eyes sometimes and tries to picture you singing in the studio, trying your best and hardest

honestly as much as he loves your stage presence and aura in videos

he loves those behind the scenes videos or those “what we’re doing on break or not on tour” videos that keep the fans caught up on what they’re doing in life

your domestic life looks so sweet and watching the way your charisma is still present when you’re not in performing mode makes him extremely soft

once one of the members video taped you sleeping and waking up and doyoung died inside because how???? can you still look so perfect???

and you were smiling sleepily to the camera and he nearly fell to the floor

the others never let him live this down

he calls you a sweet summer child and swats taeyong away from his monitor while he’s editing pictures of you because nO GET AWAY FROM THIS WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING

and taeyong is swatting him back because thAT’S HIS BIAS WRECKER HE WANTS TO SEE HIS BABY TOO

when seeing you do some sexy moves in a more mature concept he swears he cannot get enough of your expressions and how perfectly executed they are 

eventually he had the one in a lifetime chance to go to a fansign

and he got really nervous because ????WHAT DO I DO??????

does he bring you a gift? write you a note? a question? two? should he wear his favorite pair of socks? or the ones in your favorite color? does that seem really tacky?

he gets really panicky and ends up buying a small little keychain of your favorite character from a cartoon show you said you watched when you were younger

tbh he really hated that show but seeing you get so animated over these 2D characters going on random adventures made him look at the show in a different light

that was until he got caught at 3AM into the third season of the show singing along to one of the songs by johnny who just wanted a glass of water

but when the others find out that he gets to go he goes into denial real fast because he’s “not really interested still and just needs better materials to edit since some of the fansites are at weird angles sometimes”

he apologizes a thousand times in his head because he LOVES those fansites for allowing him and so many others to see such glorious pictures of you and your group

the day of the fansign he’s so jittery and even brought his own camera for photos and brought maybe three extra sd cards

while he’s in the crowd he almost falls to his knees because yOU’RE RIGHT THERE!!!!!

he has to take several deep breaths in order to calm himself and his shaking hands and snaps the first photo

surprisingly it’s actually a well taken photo given that his hands were practically their own earthquakes

when he’s about to take the second picture he sees that you’re looking in his direction and the sparkle in your eye tells him that you’re looking at him directly

and you smile

his heart beats a lot quicker and then he snaps the photo

when he looks away from his camera he finds that you’re still looking at him and you’re giving him a thumbs up, almost as if you were saying “was it good?”

and he gives one back and you smile even brighter and then nod and look away to tend to someone and doyoung swears that he might faint

he keeps taking pictures of you and even some of the other members because they’re also really amazing

but like at least 90% of the pictures are you

when it’s his turn to go through the line it’s honestly at this time that he realizes that you’re the last person along the table

when he’s talking with the other members some of them point out that they saw his favoritism for you and are teasing him a little

one even calls out to you that you have an admirer coming up and his face goes red but the encouraging smiles make him a little more confident

especially when you turned a little pink

when he finally gets to you, he finds that a grin is on his face and it won’t go away

“are all the pictures you took of me good?”

“yeah……” doyoung finds himself just staring at you a little bit and you laugh because you realize that it’s his first time seeing you guys in person

“you’re new? will i be seeing you more often then since you’re here?”

and doyoung finds himself joking around with you a little bit “idk cause i’m starting to have second thoughts”

and instead of finding his humor offensive you laugh and pat his hands a little bit

and you both are like ……….soft

and the two of you keep joking around a little bit until it’s time for him to go

and when you wave at him while holding the little keychain (which yoy loved) and call out for him to make sure he comes more so you can see him often

and he feels his cheeks turning pinker and nods in promise because

he really wants to see you more often too

[just-hazardous-thoughts]

Yet another confusing time of nothingness but not despair

I’m not depressed. It’s not the nothingness I’ve known a few years ago where nothing has taste and there’s a hole in your body and your soul. Nope. It’s just, weird af.

This time there’s no hole and empty sorrow. The best I can describe it is sitting on a chair, doing stuff, living, blinking, breathing but laughing at the thought that something is going on - obviously - that I can’t put my finger on. It’s weird but I’ll take it over listening my depressive playlist. It’s nicer to laugh.

So, 2021 onwards. Something big happened already, only one day after it started. I lost my V card. Who would’ve thought. Not me. I was the first surprised. Still wonder if it really happened to be honest. Been 4 days and I’m in a weird state of mind. At first I felt very awkward and ashamed for some reasons (and I still do to an extent). It wasn’t so much about the realisation, it was never a big deal for me but not to be seen as the prude and dysfunctional girl out of my girlfriends is kinda nice so I guess I can cross that of my list. But at the same time, idk. It was kinda boring and left me thinking "so what’s the big deal?". Didn’t really left me wanting more. I have more fun on my own.

Usually I’m all opened about what to write even without focus but this time it’s really hard to gather stuff. Feels like I want to hide them from myself even. But gonna force myself to expand a bit. It’s important stuff in a way.

So what happened.

Don’t really remember but I guess once again I felt lonely one night and desperate enough to swipe some guys on Tinder. It’s kinda my thing. It’s all alright until it isn’t and I feel a surge of swipe to justify that I’m at least trying to "fix" or at least improve my condition.

Anyways, ended up on some guy that was way too handsome to skip but I knew nothing would come of it since he was like 300km from me. Wanted to keep it as collection I guess. I try to keep the ones I find attractive to figure out "my type". Kinda silly.

Then, ofc, the one you expect the least is always the one to talk back. It wasn’t a striking message, he commented about my septum, and it just went on from that. Been talking for a month+ now (since the start of December) and I liked how it’s always been sporadic messages. Like not the kind where you send messages, get some answer back in 5mn and discuss live (like I do everyday on Discord). It’s way more sparse and I like it cause I can’t be dedicated to spending my whole life texting (even tho I do it on Discord but it feels different?).

Tbh I’ve never been "compelled" to this person like waiting his messages in anticipation or anything. Always been detached. Was the same with the guy I was texting before this summer and even before. It’s kinda nice cause there’s not much at stake. If he ever ghosts, it doesn’t really matter. But it’s also scaring me. Do I have a broken heart or what? I can’t seem to feel things. Apart from crushes (which are insignificant) and that one coworker I hanged out with, I’ve never been silly over texts. I would prefer to be. At least it makes you feel something. For sure at least I don’t get hurt, but I feel like a ghost.

Onwards. We finally decided to meet. Wasn’t particularly pleased to have him over my place cause I’ve never invited strangers there and what if it was awkward? At least in public you’re safe and if it goes terrible you can just leave and pretend to have something to do after to move on. Home, if you want an escape, you kinda have to be blunt and ask the person to go away or bare with it.

Sex was off the table - at least in my mind, even wore not sexy clothes and unmatched undies -. I thought I had been clear about that since I had said something like "Sure why not but only to get to know each other". Guess it had been taken in another way that what I was originally meaning.

Fatidic day comes, obligatory stress before a date, make yourself extra pretty. He arrives, super handsome, smells good, is nice. I make cocktails, he shakes them, we drink, it’s fine. But, cause there’s always a but, it seems so formal. Like I’m trying to be a good date and be ultra dynamic in the conversation but it feels like I’m leading too much and he’s not talking an awful lot, not even asking about me. Super different from how he was texting. I try to not mind it too much.

It gets physical at some point, he makes me hop on him, take me into his arms until he finally decides to go down on me and go PIV. It’s not like I didn’t want to and was forced to do so, I just let it happen. But I would’ve preferred it another way? Like further down the line? First talk a lot more and get a feel of each other, then eventually leading to that. Introducing that so fast, so quick made the possible spark die for me. I felt awkward and like nothing could go on from that point but to go the casual sex route or stop it there. I guess it made me realise that I’m really looking for a relationship. Prior to that I always said I wanted to see how things go into dating, so not specifically a relationship but that’s exactly what happened and now I know.

So here we are, the aftermath. Kinda ghosted him for two days. He was obviously super happy about what happened and casual about it but I wasn’t. So expressed that it made me uncomfortable and so forth. He said he was sorry and wasn’t usually like that… Wanted me to give him a second chance. Debated for a whole lot of time in my head, basically lost my peaceful sleep times for days now (and it’s still ongoing). Decided on a "maybe". And now we’re back to texting, more deep stuff, less emotes. Idk how I feel about that. I don’t know anything anymore.

————————

So I left this note unfinished kinda? But it’s an unfinished business so that’s fine. One week later. Where we at?

We continued texting and I guess the more time past the more I was forgetting about our first date, moving on in a kinda way. Focusing on other stuffs basically even tho that’s the core of my life rn. Like overthinking, thinking and thinking again about all this.

Eventually he asked if he could come back this weekend and I was like "mmmh maybe?", because I really was like maybe. Wasn’t really trying to tease him, just wasn’t sure. But in my mind, I was accepting that he’d come already. So fast-forward, second date planned on Sunday (first one was Saturday the week before). He asked if he could come a bit earlier to spend more time, and I agreed. Only if he didn’t come at like 9am or something cause y’a know, still need to make myself pretty and clean my apartment. Important stuff to me.

Today is Monday, so it was yesterday. What happened? Juicy.

It was kinda awkward at first, ngl. When he said he was there and I had to open the door to go get hime, I got this huge wave of stress washing over me and I remember saying out loud “Wtf am I even doing”, but then it was too late and it was happening so good fucking luck me.

He brought beers and a pizza (for him, since I hate it, he knew it). We just started to drink and talk casually, but there were these awkward silences at times. But props to him in some ways cause he always found a way to make a comeback somehow, and make it less awkward, and be physical - not always sex-driven but just make these kinda approaches that are like closing the gap between strangers? -.

We then decided to watch horror movies. And I think that was my favourite part. It was really just chilling you know. It was cute. We just cuddled on the couch and he tried a move but I said "not today". Cause that was my mindset for real this time. And as first date didn’t go as planned my battle plan for this one would have to hold. If no sex on second date, and he still stays in my radar it kinda seals the deal in a way? Not like it’s all perfect and chill, for all I know we’re not exclusive or anything so doesn’t prove much, but that he wants to stick around a bit? And I like that idea. So he was like "ok ok, I’ll slow down", with a cute voice. And yeah, that was a super nice moment that I really enjoyed actually. I remember thinking into his arms like "Okay, I could live with that, it’s kinda nice, could fall asleep here". He actually fell asleep for a while.

It wasn’t all perfect ok? There’s already some stuff bothering me, probably some bothers him too, but nothing is perfect. Kinda have to focus on the good stuff.

It’s kind of all new to me. Never went this far into any relationship really. So, I’m trying to handle things differently too? Like, I didn’t say to my friends - best friends - that I saw him again, all that happened yesterday. Cause, I guess I kinda wanna keep it to myself till I know where it’s going? If it ever goes somewhere anyway. Like I’ve always been to prone to talk about my dates - that are so few -, and nothing good ever came of it so I just don’t wanna discuss duds - not dudes, duds, like the empty fake shit - anymore?

I really wish I could talk to them about it now, cause it’s so fresh and new and he doesn’t answer me cause something happened in the army - cause he’s in the army - and he had to give his phone away at a certain point and he said he didn’t knew when he would get it back?

SO. Either, this could be a lie and he’s ghosting me. Which would be weird, considering how things went - he said “Today was a good day” in a vocal note yesterday while he was being punished -, but, you never know. Or, it’s the truth and it sucks cause I kinda wish we would have talked today. I mean, happened in the past where he was punished and stuff so it’s believable.

But it’s really one of the two. And it bothers me, and I wish I knew. Cause I’m all alone with my thoughts rn, and that’s why I picked this again cause I can’t talk to him, can’t - don’t wan’t - to talk to my friends about it, really can’t talk to my parents about it so I feel alone.

But on another note, reverse psychology really works on me lol. Kept checking my phone all day when usually he sends messages and I kinda glide over it cause I don’t wanna make it my priority, but clearly today there’s been a shift. Not to say it’ll remain if he ever answers - cause yeah, I cracked and sent a message -. So yeah guys, I’m one of those annoying chicks.

Yeaaaah, I definitely listened to my sad playlist today. Don’t judge. But also, I’m having my periods - which is great, cause I was concerned - but also make this day sucks even more cause it hurts. But at least the pain kinda distracts me. Idk, it’s weird to explain.

[catgirl-killua]

23-32 for the bts asks ! (sorry its so much 😅)

don’t apologize lol i love doing these!!! thanks for sending them to me!! answers are below the break, it got long

23. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Jin? The color pink, cooking, his absolutely perfect lips, “maybe I can never fly” (that song makes me sob it’s not even funny), “HEY! STOP IT!”, dad jokes, that face he makes when people already know the answer to his dad jokes, those damn crocs

24. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Yoongi? Absolute love of my life, coffee (Starbucks specifically), sleepy cuddles, fancy headphones, “J-HOOOOOOOPE”, “Converse, Converse, I really hate Converse”, that hairstyle where he has the bandanna and his hair is super fluffy (this one), black hats

25. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Namjoon? The little smile he does where he doesn’t show his teeth, “chocolate cheeks and chocolate wings”, *breaks sunglasses*, what a perfect and fearless leader he is, his FASHION sense, that one time Jimin gave a super heartfelt speech and he just translated it “I love you”

26. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Hoseok? His lil hip/butt wiggles, #bringbackforeheadhobi, flawless choreography, how I wish I could dance as well as him, how much alike we seem to be, “hakuna matata”, skin care and face masks, BS&T music video (idk why. he killed me in it.), *descends from ceiling with rose in mouth* “im not dramatic”

27. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Jimin? His cheeks, his blindfolded dance solo at the MAMA performance, striped shirts, sweater paws, Spring Day, bare-faced selfies, the actual sun itself, warm hugs and cuddles

28. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Taehyung? Gucci ofc, art museums, photography, just generally how beautifully calm his whole everything is, how he can hit falsetto notes better than Adam Levine, Overwatch, *falls off bed*

29. What immediately comes to your mind when you think of Jungkook? His abs, his teeth (is that weird?), bunnies, when he imitates Jimin lmaooo, “Chong! Jojun! Balsa!”, the color gold, giggling at 3 am just because

30. Rank the dance line in terms of favorite dance style!HERE WE GO. These next few questions are really hard for me to answer...1. Jimin. I am completely in love with his dancing. He’s so fluid and sensual, he moves like air. His dancing is all just very pretty to me. I’ve already linked his MAMA performance with Hobi, SO. 2. Hobi. Boy can dance. I feel like his style is somewhat between Kookie’s and Jimin’s?? He’s very fluid, and yet he can still hit the beat with the sharpness that Jungkook has. His hips takes me places. 3. Jungkook. How is this boy so sexy???? It kills me??? Anyway, he is the sharpest of the three, very on beat and hits every move. I don’t know dance terms lolAnyway the dance line is my personal favorite of the three I’m ranking (even tho Yoongi isn’t in it). I love dance and regret not continuing it when I was younger. 

31. Rank the vocal line in terms of favorite singing style. 1. Jin. I actually fell in love with BTS after watching a video on my dash of him, Namjoon, and Hobi performing Converse High. His voice had me SHOOK and instead of just kinda listening to them on Pandora, I decided to actually follow them and get involved with them. Here’s the performance. (he was my bias before Yoongi broke the door down)2. Taehyung. Oooooh god. I just. I love how he can go from sultry to flawless falsetto in 2 seconds. Also his growl....dear lord. Sends me places....lsieuvhsek3. Jimin. He has the cutest voice in the entire world I SWEAR. It’s so unique. Especially since he goes from “Hi I’m the cutest person squish my cheeks” to “*slides jacket down shoulders*”  4. Jungkook. He’s very natural and smooth. He has one of the best live voices, when it comes to flawlessness in his voice. But I kinda like those flaws, so that’s why he’s at the bottom of this list for me.

32. Rank the rap line in terms of favorite rap style. 1. Yoongi. This maaaaay be my bias showing through. But the biggest reason I fell in love with him was LITERALLY his verse in Converse High (that song started it all lmao). Then I listened to Agust D. Cried a few times. Fell in love. 2. Hobi. His style is energetic and and the way he moves his voice makes me very happy. His voice is very unique to him!3. Namjoon. He’s incredibly good at rapping, and I love his English lines. I just love when he speaks in English in general. 

These rankings were so frickin hard! I love them all, it was almost impossible to rank any of them. If you stuck around, thanks for somehow reading all of my rambling love for these boys.