#perhaps we should both heal and take time apart because we're not ready for a relationship if we're not fully healed

[sadisticdemonbf]

Someone expressing their feelings doesn't invalidate yours. Sometimes people lose their cool when something has been bothering them for a long time and you turn it back to being about you. Always listening to your feelings and comforting you while always ignoring my own well being and keeping my mouth shut. Always talked over when we together and having to chase after you when I was so sick I could barely walk. You can let someone talk to you about their feelings without turning it back to yourself and making a big fuss and then completely ignoring them. I actually do care about your feelings always have!! I care about your feelings so much I avoided my own as to not upset you. I don't want to see the person I love harming themselves hitting themselves wanting to unalive themselves and I realized early on that expressing my own feelings triggered just that so I ignored my feelings for so long.

[babygirlkiki1016]

Masterlist

Chapter 10: A lovely bond

Chapter 11: Unexpected Betrayal

I resealed the door, drawing the same pattern as before to lock it in place. I was going to miss this little cave, for more memories than I ever could imagine happened here. I ran my fingers over my newly designed dwarven braid, after Thorin saw the one I made he decided to redo my braid into a dwarven rose. It was incredibly beautiful, I don't think I'd ever want to take it out.

"Well, you owe me a tooth." Kili wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we headed to the shifter's home. For he had more supplies that we needed, especially some from my home that we have supplied him with. "I found your courter, I will say I am surprised that it was my uncle. I never believed he could feel that way towards you, but now I understand why he didn't want you to think about marriage."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"He didn't want you to marry anyone else but him, I guess that means we get to call you auntie now. Auntie Y/n, rolls off the tongue doesn't it?"

"Although I'm glad that my uncle has warmed up to you, why would you want to be with someone who hurt you more than once?" Fili came close to my right, giving me a curious look. I didn't know why I loved Thorin, all he has ever done was make me feel sad. Did I fall in love because I wanted a person that didn't want me?

"I don't know the answer to that Fili, I have no idea why I fell in love with him. Thought I'm glad I did, for he has made me feel something I haven't felt in years." My gaze trailed over to the King who is staring back at me with a soft smile, my heart fluttered. As we made our way to the shifter's home, I rejoined my beloved who led the company.

"Thorin." I greeted, making him glance over at me with the same grin from earlier.

"Good morning amralime, I was beginning to worry you were ignoring me. For you haven't said a thing to me all morning."

"I was busy helping the others pack their things, for some reason they kept bowing as I approached." They had never done that before, and to me it was weird they would treat me such way. It became highly annoying, I had to keep reminding them that they didn't have to do that.

"You are my betrothed, soon you will be the Queen under the mountain. They have recognized you as one of their own, and accepted you as their Queen."

"I've done nothing to prove I'm a good leader, how could they call me such?"

"They first started to admire you when you asked for me to set your people free if you fell. Then you protected us in the Goblin tunnels, and when we were fighting the trolls. Even when you left, you still came back, you showed loyalty. And that's all they can ever ask for, it's all I can ask for." He slipped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him, that look of adoration now had a permanent place on his features. Yet the small romantic moment came to an end, darkness appeared behind us, an orc pack was not far behind.

"Thorin." The look on my face was obvious, he shouted to the others to get their weapons ready. "This way!" I led them far into the forest, and soon we made our way onto Beorn's land. We ran across the field, the Orcs hot on our heels stop when they hear the creature roaring close by. We rushed to his house with the insanely large bear traveling behind us, quickly I unlocked the door letting everyone in. The creature lunges its head through it, and we all push to close the door. After being slightly injured by the pressure of the gate, Beorn finally moves his head and we manage to shut and lock the entrance.

"What is that?" Ori asked turning to me and the great grey wizard that stood beside me.

"That is our host," Gandalf explained as my focus went to Thorin, who was leaning on the door tiredly. He held his side, I reached forward and pulled away his cloak to see that he was bleeding slightly. "His name is Beorn, he’s a skin-changer. Sometimes he’s a huge black bear, sometimes he’s a great strong man. The bear is unpredictable, but the man can be reasoned with. However, he is not overly fond of dwarves."

"Come, let me fix your bandage." I let Thorin lean on me slightly, slowly I set him down on a nearby stool as the rest of the dwarves questioned if Beorn's abilities were dark magic or not. As Thorin slipped off his top clothing I grabbed a herb from my homeland that we had given to Beorn which he rarely ever uses. It's more of a 'just in case' necessity, good thing he has it.

"What is that?" Thorin took the red egg-like plant from my hand, examining it.

"It's called Arigonis, the juice inside has healing properties, it's a very rare plant. Well was, but we found a way to grow it, it'll heal your injuries all the way. However it will take time, a hour or so tops so don't scratch at it no matter how much it itches." I brought over a small bowl with water within, kneeling in front of him I took the plant and broke it apart. Using the juice and skin, I made this paste-like substance to put on his injuries. He had already taken his bandages off and discarded them to the side. When I looked up to cover him in the red-like paint, our faces were close, it was hard not to kiss him though I hardly doubt he would mind. I got to work in covering him with the herb, and it didn't take long before he went to scratch at it. "Hey, no don't do that." I slap his hand away playfully, he groans in frustration.

"It itches."

"That's how you know it's working, but if you scratch at it your wound won't heal all the way." He wants to scratch it badly, his fingers dug into his thigh so he wouldn't be tempted. Once I was done covering him in the agitating red paste, I washed my hands before making my way back over to him. I removed his hands from his thighs and made him focus on me. I was nervous, for I had never sang in front of anyone before but I figured it would help. I took a deep breath, keeping my gaze to the floor. "Wind howls in my hair, the world stops when you come this near. Starlight on your skin, the sky sways as you pull me in. And I, I wanna swim in your ocean. I wanna know how to love again, Ooh take me into your arm, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take my eyes from you." Everyone turned to me, listening as I sang the song my mother used to hum to me when I was a child. "Crash down to my knees, their fears and hopes flood over me.

Your hand finds my own and shows me that I'm not alone. Now I, I'm diving deep in your ocean, I see the way to redemption, Ooh.

Take me into your arms, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take

my eyes from you." All gathered around to listen as I sang the vocals, while others closed their eyes to sleep to the sound.

"Y/n." Thorin rested his hand upon my cheek, making me lean into his touch with a need to feel it. His eyes shined with a lovable glare, for he was stunned at my sudden talent.

"Take me into your arms, sirens call, how fast I fall. Beneath your waves, no storm can take

my eyes from you." (Song called Into Your Arms by Ryan Louder & Serena). Thorin's lips found it's way to mine, the rough skin made me crave more but we can only do so much in front of the others.

"You should sing more often." He gave me a pleading look, I rolled my eyes and retrieved another bandage to wrap around his torso.

"Perhaps I will, but for now you need to rest."

"Sing me to sleep, my Queen?" I kissed his forehead, smiling at his request. His hands landed on my waist pulling me in, but he kept me away just far enough where I wouldn't mess up the paste.

"Anything for you my King."

~♪♠♪~

My arms rested around the dwarven man, his hair tickling my nose slightly. Ever since we had proclaimed our love to each other he's been wanting me to sleep by his side. Which of course I was willing to do, but it made me think. How long would I have a moment like this? Surely the other dwarven kingdoms would want him to marry someone suitable, though maybe I am suitable. Once we get those reports and it's shown to the world that my kin is innocent they wouldn't be able to turn down an alliance with the Queen of the Digonisks.

"You seem deep in thought." Thorin's voice rumbled, a shiver ran down my spine at the sudden vibration.

"Have you been watching me this entire time?" He shifted onto his side, those beautiful blue orbs meeting mine.

"No, but I can tell when your asleep and when your not. And when you think deeply about certain things you tend to frown or smile. Today you did both." His thumb caressed my cheek, a gesture to make sure I was alright. "What is it amralime?"

"After this quest, and my kin goes free, won't your people want you to marry someone suitable?"

"You are suitable, there is evidence that digonisks are innocent. Once the humans and the rest of my people realize their mistake, they'll do anything to make their wrongs a right."

"...What if the scrolls aren't there? What if we never find them, will you still love me?"

"Of course." He seemed hurt that I began to doubt his feelings, a determined look appeared. He leaned forward and pecked my lips, but it soon became a more passionate kiss. Luckily we were in one of the empty stables for privacy, or the others would be grossed out. His arms wrapped tightly around me, I settled on top of him and straddle his waist. His bandages remained on his chest, for I had forgotten to take them off last night yet his wounds should be healed all the way now. With a smirk he flipped us over, his muscular figure now above my own.

"We're gonna get caught."

"Let them see." He goes to kiss me again but a loud fake gag was heard from behind him.

"No don't them see." Kili covered his eyes along with his brother, I gave Thorin an 'I told you so' look. "We came to tell you breakfast has been made." They quickly scurried away, sighing Thorin stood and we headed to the dining room. Everyone is sat at a table being served breakfast by Beorn, whose eyes widened when he saw me.

"Y/n." He nods his head slightly as a greeting, but a frown comes upon his features. "What are you doing here with a bunch of dwarves? Shouldn't you be in-" He stopped talking, for he did not want to give away our hidden home.

"No, I've been helping these men for the past few months. Don't worry Beorn they know, and they've accepted me." I stood in front of Thorin, undoing the white cloth that had been around his torso for far too long.

"If your here then who's running things?"

"Lani, my handmaiden why is there something wrong?"

"I've received word from your people that I must pay tribute for the Arigonis. They want me to cut wood so they can collect it." I stopped, pay tribute? I've never had him pay tribute before and Lani knows that, besides it's not that rare of a plant anymore.

"And if you refuse?"

"They wouldn't supply me with it anymore, and if I continue to refuse they threatened to imprison me. At first, I was angry for I never expected this out of you but seeing you now showed me that you had nothing to do with it." Imprisonment? That was nothing like my kin, what was going on while I was away?

"Who gave the order?"

"Fenris delivered me the scroll explaining how things were going to be handled from now on. Though I don't think it was him." There was no way Lani would take control like this, she was an innocent girl, right? Or was she abusing the power I gave her? Maybe it was a misunderstanding, that's not like her, she can barely ask me for something. "They're coming later to receive my answer, they should be here in a few-" Before he could finish his answer there was pounding on the door, well speak of the devil.

"Thorin wipe off the paste, I'll be back." Angrily I opened the barn door to see Fenris, the commander of my armies who immediately bowed along with the rest of his group.

"My Queen! I did not realize you were here."

"I did not realize someone gave the order to threaten my friend, who ordered that Beorn would have to give up his wood for the herb?"

"Well, you did my Queen." I was taken aback, and I could hear gasps behind me. The dwarves watched as I went from angry to absolutely furious.

"I gave no such command, for I haven't been in contact with anyone for quite some time. Where did you hear about this?"

"Lani showed us the paper you supposedly signed, that anyone we give supplies to must pay tribute in return and if not, they shall be imprisoned or worse...be sentenced to death."

@fili-is-my-lover @kirenia15 @lunariasilver @depressedchilipepper @tschrist1 @ayamenimthiriel @ask-the-elf-stuff

[mbti-notes]

P1) So I have this friend, an Enfp like me. For years she's been a dear friend of mine, and being of similar types have made us very easily get along. But now that we're growing older it feels like I'm in a different place in terms of Fi development, and her lack of development is starting to rub me the wrong way. During the time when we both started to get into Fi development, I started focusing on branching out and figuring out who I was, and she ended up in one relationship after another.

[con’t: The men were nice, and I'm not saying that being in relationships is a bad thing or is inherently detrimental to Fi. But now she's single, and says she feels listless, lonely. She says she seeks out men of status to make her feel accomplished but then either ends up losing interest or they break it off. I've been giving her advice to generate self interest, instead of seeking out interest solely in other people, to pursue her passions, and for a bit it seemed like she was taking my advice. 

But recently I've seen a... I don't know if it's a different version of unhealthy Fi, or whether it truly is a problem with me. If it is me, I would like to fix it. She seems to kind of assume my motives based off of what she herself is feeling. For example, if she feels insecure about something she'll act on the assumption that I'm judging her. I will be completely clueless to the fact that she thinks this until one of her actions based off of that assumption ends up being hurtful. When I come back and tell her that her actions are hurtful and based on false premises, she doesn't apologize, and despite saying that she loves me regardless, says that she feels I'm kind of a judgy person so that's why she assumed. I try my level best to be a non-judgemental person, given that I'm quite aware that people come from all sorts of life experiences and backgrounds, and I've had friends tell me it's one of my better qualities. 

There are times when I do say I can't condone a course of action (because it will hurt someone else or cause problems) and I have had someone break a friendship with me over that before. That person I've been told was toxic and manipulative, and later on I've heard that she herself thought she mightve been wrong. So I've assumed that what she said might not have been true. My family teases me about me being rigid on my morals, but apart from that no one has really mentioned it to me before. I know that being judgy could be a unhealthy trait from Fi, but I have the feeling that my close friend might be having an unhealthy Fi instead. 

So I suppose my questions are: am I indulging in unhealthy Fi traits? If so, how should I fix it? If she's the one being unhealthy, how so and how would you advise me to react? As I said, she's a dear friend of mine of many years. I know there've been times that I've been shitty that she's patiently guided me and times I've been behind where she's waited for me to catch up, so in this case I don't want to leave her behind. I know that I can't get her to change if she doesn't want to, (especially now that she feels that I'm being judgemental I don't want to press) but how do I react to someone with an unhealthy Fi while asserting my boundaries?]

When you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, especially if many of those years were formative years, it’s natural for the relationship to carry a lot of baggage - they become more like a family member than a friend. That “baggage” can be a blessing and a curse. It’s nice to have someone who’s known you so well and so long. They’re able to put you in context, they’re able to reflect back to you how you have or haven’t changed for the better, and the bond between you is strong due to all the shared experiences. On the negative side, baggage means that there exist some unresolved issues, problems that float around in the background, pain or resentment that gets swallowed for fear of rocking the boat too much, etc. Try to remember the positive when things get negative.

As a general rule, when an unhealthy dynamic between two people forms, both people feed into it in some way, otherwise it wouldn’t continue to get worse over time. Avoid trying to label one person as the only source of the problem. It’s not a case of either/or:

1) I believe that your friend is indeed having difficulty with Fi development, which is HER business to handle. It sounds like she uses men as a means to paper over low self-esteem, which is a manifestation of Te loop that gets in the way of Fi development. What she chooses to do is part of her journey of growth (or lack of growth as the case may be). You have to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them, just as I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate always being told what to do as though you’re stupid. This reminds me of an old song that goes something like: “If I make mistakes, they’re MY mistakes, and I cherish them as part of MY story.” You may believe that you know better than her about how to develop Fi, but perhaps you forget that an important part of being FP is that you have to honor your own story. You can’t live someone else’s story, i.e., betray Fi, and then hope to have healthy Fi in the end. Sometimes, honoring your own story means taking paths that others wouldn’t and falling flat on your face.

2) I also believe that your friend is defensive partly because you have been somewhat judgmental, which is YOUR business to handle. Even if you don’t say it out loud, people can sense disapproval, especially NFs. With your voice in her ear, I’m sure she has some awareness that her behavior is problematic. However, if you keep reminding her of this, what you’re doing is exacerbating the shame and guilt that she feels for “slipping”. You’re asking her to do what’s right, which is what Fi would do, but remember that you may also be asking her to do something that she is not yet ready or ABLE to do - this is how the line gets crossed. 

When you keep reminding FPs that they’re unable to do something, it doesn’t help them - it only makes them feel incompetent. If they feel that way long enough, it affects their self-esteem, which further exacerbates the feeling of incompetence in a vicious cycle. From here, she starts to assume things about your motives, as she projects her own sense of inadequacy. No one likes to feel less than. If you want to give advice, make sure that it’s wanted and appropriate for her level of competency. Most importantly, advice should be given lovingly, i.e., it should always be obvious that you are doing it from a place of care and empathy rather than a place of moral judgment. Avoid language that implies something about her moral character and focus more on the actions/consequences. You can’t speak such that you never offend anybody, but you can always check and recheck your own intentions to make sure that you’re speaking from the heart rather than the finger.

Sometimes, healing a relationship means stepping back a bit to let things cool down, such that you are able to return with fresher eyes. There’s a time for encouraging your friend, there’s a time for telling them the truth, and there’s a time for leaving them alone. It’s not always easy to decide the best option because the other person may not even know what it is they really need from you, if anything. At least she’s letting you know in no uncertain terms that she doesn’t need or want your judgment. To me, this raises the question of what she does need from you. It seems that you don’t know, because every time you try to intervene, you’re not helping her in any discernible way. If the people close to you are implying that you’re judgy, it’s something to pay attention to. It means that you’re either not approaching “helping” with the right intention or you’re not expressing your desire to help in the right way. Something that I often have to remind Fi types of is that “helping” is ultimately about the other person, not just about you satisfying your own moral imperatives. If you forget this, you may easily overstep and disrespect the other person’s boundaries due to imposing your values on them.

ENFPs love to discuss the things that are important to them. They love to explore new ideas and possibilities. But if the only reason you’re engaging in the discussion is to try to “lead” her into agreeing with your way of judging the situation, she’ll know, and she’ll close up, because you’re being disingenuous. In essence, being “judgy” might mean that you are imposing your idea of what Fi development is onto her, instead of helping her to discover the best ways of reaching healthy Fi on her own terms, at her own pace, in her own way - assuming that Fi development is still something that she wants. 

It’s easy to spot problems in people, but it’s a lot harder to come up with the most appropriate solution. Like it or not, these men are fulfilling a need in her life, and this can easily turn into a form of addiction, with withdrawal symptoms and all that jazz. The longer someone carries on a pattern, the harder it is to break. What exactly is the need that she’s attempting to fill? Where does that need come from, why does it exist in that form, or why is it such an urgent matter to her that she’s unable to give up her pattern of serial dating? Is there a better or healthier method to address the need... a method that she is capable of carrying out? If there is a competency problem, what is the best way to address it? These are the questions that you should ask, if you want to understand her well enough to tackle the problem constructively. And you may not get the answers until you approach her at the right time, in the right way.