#perhaps open with a scene about janus being like ''you again?'' when he sees remus

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Care and Keeping of Idiots

Prompts: Hi I love your fic's so much and I was wondering if you could do DRLAMP (platonic creative twins) hurt/comfort with the light sides just having a lot of unhealthy habits and the dark sides helping them <3 - anon

Prompt if you want one: Roman gets sick from overworking himself but tries to hide it. Virgil finds out and chases him around the mindscape trying to get him to rest eventually him and all the others get him to bed and fluff ensues. That or Roman is sick and everyone fights to take care of him cause I think that would be funny and cute. Hurt/comfort please your honour and lamp is good but mainly prinxiety, roceit and some creative twins would be awesome! A scene for the first idea that lives rent free in my head is Roman hanging onto the door of the imagination while Virgil and Janus hold his legs and then remus jumps from above to knock him out and then they take him upstairs bridal style. I literally adore your writing so much so if you choose to write this thank you so much 💜💜💜💜 Ps: sorry if this is too much detail lol just do what you feel comfortable with - sunflowerblondeuwu

hi! if you're taking prompts, would you be interested in doing some moceit hurt/comfort? - anon

I'd like to request something Logan-centric. Maybe with some protective sides looking after Logan? If you can, if not don't worry about it. - geminimoon14

I've been experimenting with microficlets and short form and thought these were great practice!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: nothing explicit

Pairings: DLAMPR, DLAMP, LAMP, it can be platonic or romantic i don't care anymore

Word Count: 2035

The Dark Sides have their work cut out for them.

“Patton.”

Patton starts in surprise, turning around to see Janus standing there with his arms crossed. He raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, goodness, you startled me!”

“Really, I had no idea.” Janus walks forward, holding out a hand.

“What’s that for, kiddo?”

Janus just holds his hand out further.

“I don’t know what you want,” Patton tries, edging a little further into the kitchen.

Janus sighs. “By all means, continue trying to lie to me.”

Patton stops. Janus takes another step closer, still holding out his hand.

“It’s fine, Janus, don’t worry!”

“Every time you lie,” Janus says, “I’m going to take a step closer.”

“But it’s fine!” And sure enough, he takes a step closer. “I can do it! Wait, that’s not a lie. Stop it!”

“Stop lying, Patton, and I won’t have to.”

Patton does not whine, but he does exhale a little louder than normal. Janus waits patiently, his hand outstretched. Patton sighs and puts the notebook in Janus’s hand. Janus hums and tucks it into his cloak and holds out his hand again.

“…now I really don’t know what you want,” Patton says wearily.

Janus just waggles his fingers.

“Janus, I—“

“Come here, Patton,” Janus murmurs, holding his hand out.

Patton takes his hand and tries not to squeak in surprise as he’s yanked forward into a cuddle. Janus chuckles as he flails slightly, wrapping one arm around his waist to keep him still and ruffling his hair with the other.

“Good.”

“What—what’re you doing?”

“Oh, just remedying this error that I’ve discovered.”

“You—what? Janus—“

“Be still,” Janus chides gently, giving his hair a tug, “you’re alright. Just let me hug you.”

Patton won’t turn down a hug from one of his kiddos, but he’s very confused, thank you very much, and he would like to be less confused.

“I thought we talked about that notebook,” comes Janus’s voice a moment later, “and why you should stop using it.”

“But it helps me remember when I have to do things,” he mumbles into the cloak.

The cloak shifts. “Not in a way that is helpful to you, sweetie.”

“It helps me remember!”

“It helps you feel guilty.”

“…no…”

Janus sighs. “I can’t actually take a step closer while I’m hugging you, but I did it in spirit.”

Patton grumbles. Janus cards his hand through his hair again and uses two more arms to guide Patton’s around his neck.

“I’m going to pick you up now.”

“Where are we—oh!—where are we going?”

“Virgil and Remus have a new version of UNO they want to try and they’re insisting they need four people.” Janus rolls his eyes. “I think they just want an excuse to team up, but we’ll see.”

Patton shifts in Janus’s arms as they make their way to the other living room. He looks up and Janus catches his gaze.

“What, sweetie?”

“…thanks.”

Janus smiles and taps Patton’s cheek. “I’ll drag you kicking and screaming into caring about yourself if I have to.”

—————————

“Virgil.”

“Nope.” Virgil yawns, sprawling a little further across Logan’s desk. “Sorry, L, no work for you.”

“Virgil, where did you even put everything?”

“Your computer’s where it always is when it isn’t on your desk, your notes are filed away with Roman’s help, and your notebook is with Janus.”

Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And why have you taken precautions to ensure I don’t have access to my work?”

Virgil indicates the schedule they drew up on the corkboard. “Because it’s your day off and you gave us permission to make you take that day.”

Logan sighs. Again. It’s his favorite way of expressing exasperation with Virgil. Virgil grins, hooking his feet around the arms of the chair and pulling it out of Logan’s reach. He pulls out his phone and starts mindlessly scrolling.

“Virgil.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I just have one notebook?”

“Depends.” He glances up at Logan. “You gonna work?”

Logan opens his mouth and Janus strides out of the shadows. Virgil muffles a snort and shakes his head.

“Okay, that answers that question.”

“Virgil.”

“Logan.”

Janus just flops down onto Logan’s bed and curls his arms around a pillow, hissing from the warmth.

“I just want my notebook,” Logan says, “can I have my notebook back?”

“No work, Logan, you made the rules.”

“I said no work, not no notebook!”

“Yeah, but for you, notebook equals work.”

Logan looks back at Janus. “Can I please have my notebook back?”

“It’s adorable how you think asking me will get you a different answer than asking Virgil.”

Logan is quiet for a moment. Virgil looks up at him over his phone and his brow furrows at the way Logan starts to fiddle with the end of his tie.

“…can I please have it back?”

“Why do you think asking over and over will get you a different result, L?”

“Because perhaps you’ll understand that I need it back,” Logan snaps, clutching the end of his tie.

“Whoa,” Virgil soothes, holding his hand up, “time out. Okay. You want it back?”

“For the forty-seventh time, yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s mine.”

Virgil frowns. Then he gets up and nods to Janus. Janus takes Logan’s notebook out and passes it to Virgil, who holds it out for Logan to take. Logan takes it and wraps his arms around it protectively, tucking it under his chin.

“What’s the matter, L,” Virgil says quietly, “why’re you so on edge today?”

Logan sniffs. Oh. Oh, fuck. Janus sits up as Virgil nudges Logan to sit on the bed. Logan sits, still curled around the notebook.

“Talk to us, L,” Virgil murmurs, “did we fuck up? We’re sorry if we did, but you gotta tell us.”

“N-no, it’s—it’s fine, I asked you to do this, I just—“ he shakes himself— “it’s fine.”

Janus hisses lightly.

“Come on, L.”

Logan slumps, his fingertips starting to turn red from pressing against the spirals. Virgil reaches out to gentle them away.

“I suppose I’m still getting used to the idea that I am important to you outside of my work,” comes the whispered confession.

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Can we hug you, L? I think you need it.”

Logan nods, but he doesn’t move the notebook. Virgil taps it.

“Let go, come on.”

Logan lets him pry it out of his hands and toss it onto the desk as Janus wraps an arm around him. Virgil comes back to haul Logan further onto the bed, tucking his head under his chin.

“You’re important to us because you’re Logan, not because you’re Logic.” Janus hums in agreement. “Now, we’re gonna sit here for a moment and then we’re gonna go see how much of a mess Remus has made in the living room.”

Logan huffs. “We did leave him alone, didn’t we?”

“Mm.” Janus tucks his head against Logan’s shoulder. “I’d certainly love to go see whatever mess there is instead of staying here.”

Virgil chuckles. “We can stay here for longer, Logan needs it.”

—————————

“Fuck, where is he?”

“He went into the Imagination!”

“Shit, how’d he get past Patton?”

“I don’t know, but we gotta hurry before he gets lost in there.”

“Hey—hey! There he is! Get back here!”

“Roman! Roman!”

“Shit, he’s getting away!”

“How the fuck is he so fast—“

“Aren’t you fight or flight? Move!”

“I got him—I got him!”

“Hey, hey! Virgil, let me go!”

“No, Roman, you know you’re not supposed to be here, come on—“

Well, if Roman is going to insist they drag him out of here, they will.

“Roman, let go of the door.”

“How are you still holding on, there’s two of us—“

“Shut up, J, and pull!”

“You’ll never take me alive!”

“Stop being so dramatic for one goddamn second—“

“Remus, now!”

Even Roman isn’t so determined that a Morningstar to the head won’t make him go unconscious. Remus ignores the slightly disapproving looks from Virgil and Janus and promptly scoops his brother into his arms and marches out of the Imagination, down to the living room where Logan and Patton are waiting, blankets and pillows set up. Logan raises an eyebrow when he sees Roman’s limp form in Remus’s arms.

“Was knocking him out really necessary? He’s already sick.”

“He’s fine,” Remus defends, “he’ll wake up in like…two seconds.”

“One, two—“

“Hey!”

“Well, what do you know, it was two seconds,” Logan mutters as Janus immediately wraps his arms around a squirming Roman.

“Let me go, I’m fine, I just—“ Roman freezes when he realizes where he is— “oh.”

“Yes, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, “oh. Now hush and let us take care of you.”

“But—“

“We already had to fight to be the ones to come get you,” Virgil interrupts, plopping down with his head in Roman’s lap, “don’t make us do it again.”

“But—“

“Ro,” Remus whines, “just let us take care of you!”

Roman freezes. His mouth snaps shut and he starts to toy with an edge of one of the blankets. His shoulders hunch and Remus counts him heroically stopping three coughs.

“Ro,” he says, softer this time, “you know we want to take care of you, right?”

Roman pointedly does not look at any of them.

“…you said you had to fight over who came to—“ he stifles a sneeze— “to come get me.”

“We fought over who got to come get you.” Remus nudges his shoulder. “I won because I’m your brother and I get dibs.”

“I won because I’m fight or flight.”

“Even though you were so slow.”

“Shut up, Remus.”

“I didn’t win,” Janus says, examining his gloves, “ I just went anyway.”

Roman doesn’t laugh. Instead, he tugs the blanket again. Remus shuffles closer and bonks their heads together.

“You’re not a burden, Roro, we want to take care of you.”

“…why?”

Patton stifles a hurt noise as he takes Roman’s hand in his. Logan scoots loser and curls his hands around Roman’s collar, trying to loosen it a little.

“Fuck, Princey, of course we wanna take care of you.” Virgil ruffles his hair. “You’re sick. Now lie down.”

“B-but—“

“Oh, shh, sweetie,” Janus murmurs, wiping a stray tear, “now, now, you know better than to cry when your head is already sore. I know it’s not your fault sweetie, just shh.”

Remus wraps Roman’s arms around him and curls into his chest. Roman sniffles.

“Now, that’s not fair,” Logan says quietly, “you three already got to go and get him, you don’t get to hog taking care of him as well.”

“Yeah, let us have a turn!”

Roman giggles as Logan tries to tug him away from Remus, which—good luck.

But Roman is happy so Remus will share.

For now.

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[clearlynotjanus]

Loceit Appreciation Week: Day One, Hobbies

READ ON AO3

Chapter Summary: Through three accidental bonding moments over their usually solo hobbies, Logan & Janus realize they have a bit in common & enjoy what the other has to offer.

CW: Food mention, NSFW insinuated very briefly, Greek mythology Word Count: 6497 Genre: Gen Rating: Gen Ships: Slowburn Loceit, slowburn Intruloceit, pre-established Intrulogical, pre-established Dukeceit

taglist: @sanderssidesangsttrash​ @catalinaacosta​ @whatishappeningrightnow​ @anxiousbean4404​ @vexelore​ @the-dead-and-the-decaying​ @serpentinesomebody​ @poptartsaysurloved​ @robertdownerjr​ @dangitsbrightinhere​ @iamuncomffy​ @sanderdarksides​ @evertriedsoywithyourpopcorn​ @dragonfander @virgilstarantula​ @a-rudethude @indubitably-emo @gay-artist-626​ @cosplayhanna​ @edupunkn00b​ @wouldntyou-liketoknow​ @awesomerandomgirl1​ @loceitweek2021​​

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Without any effort made to conceal himself, Janus observed Logan and Remus from the kitchen pass through. Cynically his eyes measured the almost formal distance between the lovers on the couch. There was no need to guesstimate their familiarity; Remus gushed every chance he got about their private life but Janus was still nosey as ever. He leaned forward there with an elbow bent across the counter, the other propped up with an apple brought to his mouth every so often with a satisfying crunch. His gaze switched between keen on their movements and hazy as trains of thought whisked him away. 

Janus was aware his staring made Logan uncomfortable in these moments. He shifted, glanced in Janus’ direction, cleared his throat, pushed his glasses back unnecessarily, all as though being perceived so closely was an entirely new concept; but that was just another reason to continue. This was, after all, the Dark Side; his side, and far be it from Janus to let Logan forget that detail. Besides, it wasn’t like he was a peeping Tom, leering as their casual afternoon became intimate. No, whenever that occurred, Janus was out of the room faster than Remus could get it up.

Today was tedious in its domesticity. Remus scribbled like a madman with furious scritchscritchscritches in a notebook that seemed to change positions whenever Janus looked at him, specifically. Logan rested his head gently against a loosely balled fist. With a quiet schwiff every couple of minutes, he turned a page of the book in his lap. The room was silent otherwise.

Crunch. Schwiff. Scritchscritchscritch. Crunch. Schwiff. Scritchscritchscritch. Crunch -- The apple was finished and the sticky core was disposed of.

“Logan,” Janus called suddenly in a sweet tone as the trash’s lid closed. 

The Side in question stayed silent; either to finish the line his eyes were currently on or to give Janus a taste of his own uncomfortable medicine. Either way, Janus rounded the kitchen corner and balanced a hip against the arm rest next to Remus. A gloved hand idly found its way into his partner’s curls; thoughtlessly, Remus leaned into the feeling, but remained otherwise unresponsive, clearly content with his scribbling. Logan finally blinked up. His expression seemed indecisive between exasperated and dubious, with a predictable amount of disinterest.

“What is it you’re reading?” Janus asked, brows and chin raised with an amount of intrigue that Logan didn’t immediately trust. Not to say Logan didn’t trust Janus individually, but even if he was the Side who understood Deceit the best, there was still quite a bit of water under this particular bridge -- or, uh, whatever idiom would fit here.

Instead of responding verbally, Logan held up the blue and black cover for Janus to read himself; which he then did. With a slightly cocked head, the words were enunciated slowly.

“Born Under Saturn. The Character and Conduct of Artists; A Documented History From Antiquity to The French Revolution,” Janus blinked back up at Logan’s face, digesting the rather wordy sentence. “An analysis of historical artists?” He attempted to boil the topic down to something more … succinct as Logan lowered the book again.

“Basically,” He allowed, eyes poised to resume his reading.

Janus hummed with peaked interest and continued to watch as Logan’s demeanor receded from vaguely conversational to studiously mute once more. In truth, it sounded like a rather compelling read. Being Thomas’ Sides, of course, they were all inclined to art in some way; for the more left-brained Sides such as Janus and Logan however, the critique and reasoning behind the art and associated artists compelled them more frequently than the act of creating art, itself. 

“What’s the part about Saturn?” Janus asked with knitted brows, the hand in Remus’ hair going still as he interrupted again after a moment. This question seemed to get Logan going as he shifted in his seat.

“Well, I had assumed from the title that the study would be centered around evidence pertaining to when and where artists were born, alluding to the hypothesis that Saturnian positions and dispositions resulted in a certain type of artistic character,” Logan explained, annoyance bleeding into his tone as he placed the back of his hand on the page he was currently on in a humorless gesture.

“And I take it from your very contented mood that that’s exactly what the book is about,” Janus teased reflexively, taken aback by Logan’s sudden enthusiasm. Perhaps, Janus thought, he hadn’t been so bothered by being stared at and was simply wrestling with his expectations of the text.

“Ha ha,” He laughed dryly; the sound made Janus smirk. “Saturn is, unfortunately,” Logan waved his hand at the book, “Just a metaphor here.”

“A metaphor for what?” Janus pressed gently, giving a final tug of affection to Remus’ hair before retracting his hand; sensing the appendage being stolen, the distracted Creativity leaned to follow the stimulus until it was far out of reach. Janus turned away and sat delicately on the shallow coffee table in front of Logan, who then paused.

He didn’t wonder why Janus was interested in this topic; after all, he thought, philosophy and theoretical debate were right up Janus’ alley. Additionally, they were speaking about metaphors, he rationalized. Logan didn’t need to understand nor regularly use the literary device to know its practical application, particularly to Deceit who always spoke in those encumbering and roundabout ways. What Logan really paused for was a moment of recognition that after years of distant silence, they were embarking on a rather cordial discussion.

“The melancholic,” Logan explained.

“So not the Roman god?”

“Well, yes and no, but for the comparison to make sense, no is easier,” Janus nodded and crossed his legs, listening with intent held in his brows. “It is a tad convoluted but the theory relates to the history of the four humors,” Janus gave a soft, one-noted hum and Logan nodded. “After all, the Greek etymology for the word melancholy is melas, meaning black and kholé meaning bile; black bile, of course--”

“Being one of the four … fluids,” Janus scrunched his nose distastefully, “Associated with the four humors,” He finished his interruption, gesturing with a loose wrist. 

“Exactly,” Logan breathed with a surprised half smile.

“So what does Saturn have to do with black bile?” Janus asked reasonably.

“Well that part goes back to the interpretive study of Astrology,” Janus tilted his head with surprised interest. “Which, despite its dubious plausibility today, played a frequently understated role in the founding of modern science, especially modern psychology.” Logan paused, watching Janus’ face shift subtly in thought. 

“Forgive my relatively ignorant knowledge of Astrology,” Logan nodded permissibly as Janus began to piece the theory together with slow words, “But I guess what you’re saying, or rather, what you expected the book to say, is that artists all suffer from a melancholic disposition?” Logan hummed and shook his head, causing Janus to purse his lips. 

“Again, yes and no. The book is saying that, to some extent.”

“You had just been expecting the evidence to be reliant on literal Saturn rather than...whatever they’re actually using,” Janus tried again and was rewarded with another half smile.

“Are you nerds done yet?” Remus piped up suddenly as Logan opened his mouth to continue. Janus’ head turned and the awareness in his partner’s eyes made his own narrow; how long had he been attentive to their conversation? “I wanna show Lolo what I made.”

“Quite, then,” Janus smiled curtly at Remus who beamed with knowing sarcasm in a way that only Janus would be able to detect. Rat bastard. “Another time,” He promised almost provocatively as a parting to Logan, who looked rather miffed and torn between continuing this unexpectedly stimulating conversation and tending to his boyfriend’s desires.

Janus stood before brushing invisible dirt off himself. “Have a wonderful afternoon, lovebirds,” Janus lilted, fingers wiggling in a goodbye wave as his back disappeared down the hall.

Logan blinked several times before inhaling and turning to Remus, who seemed a few moments more patient and perhaps a little more amused than usual.

- - - - -

Remus’ door having gone unanswered, when music began to softly crackle from the direction of the kitchen, Logan followed it with a vague intrigue. He paused in the entry, blinking at the four black-sleeved and yellow-gloved hands that flitted about the counter spaces. They rifled through the fridge and plucked from the cabinets with a sense of mindlessness from their owner, who stood at the sink. Using his natural two arms, Janus filled various bowls with water as he hummed along to the quiet, bouncy swing song that played from an antique looking gramophone Logan could’ve sworn wasn’t there yesterday. The scene was fascinating, from a scientific point of view; he had never considered how Janus’ many arms worked and seeing them here, stretching out and acting as though they had their own sentience piqued his interest immensely. 

For long moments, Logan watched silently before the arms retracted, bringing various items back to the workspace closest to Janus. Packets of gelatin, food coloring -- Logan squinted from his position; corn syrup? The answer to a question he hadn’t asked made itself apparent as he recalled a few various tidbits Remus had given him about his partner. Logan cleared his throat to get Janus’ attention, satisfied with his distant examinations.

“Oh,” The baker turned around, excess arms disappearing inside him with a flourish as they completed their purpose of fetching. “Logan, good morning,” Janus greeted in a sunny tone, though confusion hinted in his eyes.

“Good morning,” He returned, taking conservative steps into the kitchen. He nodded at the gelatin packets. “So this is the gelatin art Remus talks about,” Logan observed without question.

“Remus talks about it?” Janus asked, reserved happiness in his distracted tone as he stepped from the sink to the counter and began measuring out tablespoons of corn syrup.

“Frequently,” Logan confirmed, crossing his arms casually. The conversation came to a peaceful lull as Janus began to stir the syrup and water. Concluding that, he turned and took steps that placed him closer than usual to the other.

“What does he say?” Janus asked like a teen greedy for rumors, giving a sly glance from under his lashes as he paused. The moment lingered as he reached around Logan for the gelatin packets he stood in front of, meeting his eyes all the while. Suddenly, Logan couldn’t remember a single thing Remus had ever said. The tips of his ears reddened with a blush that creeped up the back of his neck. He swallowed against the dryness of his throat.

“Just that you enjoy making gelatin,” Logan responded after Janus had made his way back to the counter, his posture feeling as stiff and unnatural as his answer. He could see the disappointment in the way Janus’ lips pursed as he began dumping the neutral colored gelatin into the solution.

“Is that so.”

“Yes,” Logan cleared his throat and again felt that his response was lame. It made the air between them go stale. How did Remus manage to speak with Janus so casually and with so much enthusiasm? Of course, he wouldn't be Remus without an absence of shame, but still; Logan found himself envying the fact. 

He was appreciative of the cheerful music that eased the awkwardness. Also that Janus didn’t seem to mind how apparently awful he was at idle conversations despite his desire to engage in them. After a few moments, Janus went back to humming as he repeated the task of pouring gelatin into the bowls and discarding the packets. As the heat in his face receded, Logan recalled more of Remus’ words over the time they had been dating. 

He always spoke very highly of his partner, which was to be expected. Janus was graceful, patient, and, quote, ridiculously smart. Despite taking everything Remus had to say with mounded tablespoons of realism flavored salt, examining Janus now and through the lens of their recent interactions, Logan would have to agree. 

“He has an awful habit,” Janus revived the conversation as one song faded into the next. He turned and leaned back against the counter; as he spoke, he slowly began turning the knob of a manual can opener against a can of condensed milk. “Of eating various inedible things,” Janus scrunched his nose and Logan exhaled. “You won’t believe the things he’s consumed over the years.”

“That’s why you make the gelatin, correct?” Logan asked, hoping this time his phrasing opened up the possibility for more elaboration.

“Mhm,” Janus hummed with a shallow nod and twisted the lid off before throwing it in the trash as well. He turned and stirred the thickened milk into the largest bowl of water and corn syrup. Discomfort washed over Logan once more as he began to realize the conversation had died again. His head fell but soon snapped up as Janus thankfully continued after a moment.

“Of course it doesn’t negate the problem entirely,” His tone was less annoyed than Logan would’ve thought. Though there was plenty of quiet frustration, mostly he sounded concerned and tired. “But I like to imagine it helps some at least.” 

“I think it helps more than you realize,” Logan offered slowly in a tone that was sure of itself despite the confusion in his brow. Did Janus not realize his instrumental intervention?

Remus never really shut up about how much he appreciated Janus. The various ways Janus managed him and his mental health over their lifetime together, how effortless Janus made it all look; Logan had to admit, hearing about it constantly was rather intimidating, especially at the beginning of their relationship. He had high expectations to meet if everything Remus said was true, and like he thought before, it was beginning to look that way as Logan got to know Janus for himself. Remus talked a fair amount about how much he appreciated Logan as well though, so he never did have much of a chance to get demoralized about it. Even so, gauging the dynamic between Janus and Remus without his interference was a bit startling as everything came into focus.

They flowed together easily; in the interactions Logan had witnessed, their affection always had a sense of routine and familiarity, but not in the stale way that felt boring after years of repetition. Perhaps, Logan began to think, it had clouded his view a bit and prevented him from questioning if Remus ever expressed his gratitude to Janus, directly. The likelihood that he didn’t seemed infinitesimal, and yet the doubt was still clear in Janus’ words. Was it that he didn’t believe Remus then?

Janus cautioned a look at Logan from over his shoulder, surprise and then confusion flashed across his features; exactly how much did Remus talk about him? He didn’t mind being complimented of course, he adored praise, but something about the idea of Remus jumping into a new relationship only to gush about him constantly didn’t sit right with him. Especially if that person was Logan. Who knew how Logan felt after all this time? Janus scrunched his nose and tossed the now empty can with a sense of distaste.

“I suppose he talks about me too much if you think that,” His tone was apologetic as he gave the mixture a final stir before turning to meet Logan’s eyes with a flashy smile. “Enough about all that though; would you like to help?”

Logan blinked, his mind catching up to the topic dismissal. “Help?” He repeated automatically before realizing what Janus meant. “Oh. No,” He unfolded his arms to wave a hand, shaking his head. “I’m not one for baking, I’ll just get in the way.”

“Nonsense,” Janus insisted, reaching forward to gently steal Logan by his sleeve. “If you need more motivation than just my requesting, think about how thrilled Remus will surely be knowing you had a hand in this batch.”

Logan let himself be pulled towards the workstation, not having it in him to refuse Janus’ smile and persistence more than once.

“I suppose you have a point,” He conceded with a sigh and Janus clapped his hands together quietly.

“Splendid,” he plucked the box of food coloring from the counter and pushed the dark blue dropper into Logan’s hands. “This is the easy part anyway. I trust you completely.”

Somehow, the implication of Janus trusting him made him pause, feeling his chest going warm. Logan stared down at the small bottle in his hands, feeling even more clueless now being involved than he had simply watching Janus; but Janus still trusted him. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that Janus was trusting him on reputation alone, something the others consistently seem to find inconceivable. Not often was Logan trusted so explicitly, which was concerning to say the least, but function aside, the sentiment filled him with unexpected happiness. 

“Just get this,” Janus tapped one of bowls filled with water, corn syrup, and gelatin, “As close to this shade,” He then pointed to the blue swirl part of the Tide Pod resting between the various ingredients, “As you can get,” Janus finished with another disarming smile. Forcing himself to look away, Logan thought that at the rate Janus used that sort of charm on him like that, he’d never remember anything ever again.

“Okay,” He asserted slowly with a nod and unscrewed the small bottle. As he set to dropping small amounts of the dye before stirring and comparing the colors, Janus seemed to be doing the same with a shade of bright orange. “I suppose that’s good,” Logan ascertained after a few silent moments, holding the clear bowl up to his face for closer inspection.

“Flawless, I would say,” Janus complimented, completing his own color a second later. “Next,” He said slowly and reached to gather several of one kind of item that Logan didn’t immediately recognize, “We set the molds,” Janus explained as he neatly lined about a dozen purple, palm sized squares between them. Logan uttered a small, ah, in understanding.

He scanned the counter for a tool that would be useful here; the idea of pouring the liquid straight into the molds seemed rather silly and messy. If this were Patton, Logan wouldn’t put it past him, but Janus was far more structured, far more sensible.

“Should we use those?” Logan asked, reaching for the rather thick gauge baking syringes set to the side as Janus opened the molds to reveal a swirl shape identical to the signature Tide Pod.

“A step ahead of me,” Janus lilted with a nod, raising his eyes just enough to spot the syringes he planned on retrieving next. “Go on then,” He pointed his chin at the gelatin, reaching over Logan for a needle of his own. “I trust it’s fairly self explanatory for you.”

And it was; the entire procedure wasn’t particularly challenging, as long as Janus wasn’t smiling at him or charming him out of his brain cells. Logan drew up about half the syringe’s barrel and then held one half of the mold in his palm. Comparing it to the Tide Pod, he began to gently squeeze the blue solution along half of the swirl pattern, dragging it across the material for an even consistency. Janus smiled to himself, watching from the corner of his eye and began to do the same with his own orange gelatin, working from the opposite end of the line. 

“When it comes to the ones already filled,” Janus began as they approached meeting in the middle, though before he could finish, Logan interrupted knowingly.

“I suppose I should avoid picking the mold up so as to not disrupt the other side,” He guessed and positioned his syringe at a different angle, experimenting with how he should go about it now before settling on a method.

“Precisely,” Janus delighted quietly, moving behind Logan and out of his way to fill in the orange sides of the already completed blue ones. “Typically,” He continued as they settled back into a rhythm, “I just do both colors at once, holding it as you had started,” Janus glanced out of the corner of his eye; Logan looked so concentrated, it was impossible not to find the focus in his eyes adorable. For a brief moment, before Janus continued, Logan began to worry that he was getting in the way as he feared. If Janus had a certain way of doing this and he was doing it wrong, comparatively, then it was just as he thought; that he shouldn’t have gotten involved. 

“But I don’t quite mind this either,” Janus finished softly and Logan exhaled the breath he didn’t realize was being held. As the silence began to press on, he started to wish he could figure out something to say to Janus’ kindness. Then he wondered if this was how Remus often felt.

As Janus took Logan’s empty syringe and quickly rinsed both of theirs in the sink, he explained their next and final step before they would be placed in the fridge until completion. Sealing the molds with their domed, other half, they would repeat the filling action with the condensed milk and gelatin mixture.

“Simple enough,” Logan said as he accepted the syringe that Janus handed him with a smile. This time, Logan offered his own small expression before the two set to work. After a few silent moments, he continued with a rather impulsive question. “Does Remus ever help you with this?” Surely he did; in the same way Logan found it impossible that Remus never expressed his gratitude to Janus, he couldn’t fathom that the two didn’t enjoy this together.

“Oh, no, never,” Janus answered immediately with an appalled tone. Logan blinked, his hand going still as he again reevaluated how he perceived their relationship. “The first and only time I tried to get him to help,” He continued, his own hands pausing to stare wide eyed and offended at Logan, “He ate three of my molds!”

Logan couldn’t help the small smile that curved his lips, though he tried to dismiss it quickly by pursing them and looking away. The distress Janus clearly felt for something so simple was … a bit bewildering, but also very him, Logan decided. He got the sense that Remus would love to help, if he could, but that he had the habit of ruining Janus’ things in the process. With a heavy sigh, Janus went back to filling the molds and when Logan could keep the smile out of his voice, he continued.

“The other day he brought a few rocks from the Imagination to my room and asked what they were. He does that,” Logan glanced at Janus, “Stops by and asks questions like that, but when I located my geology kit, the first thing he did,” Logan smiled again, fondness creeping into his tone despite himself, “Was tear the handbook pages in excitement,” Janus clicked his tongue and shook his head, empathizing with the tragedy, but Logan continued, gesturing in small ways now. “It was completely illegible,” Logan paused, recalling the fear in Remus’ expression as he apologized profusely, handing the torn book back by the tips of his fingers. 

“Was?” Janus prompted quietly, watching Logan’s faintly passionate storytelling from the corner of his eye.

“At least for its intended use as a portable guide. If you pushed the papers together, you could piece the sentences but,” Logan paused again and shook his head, “He insisted on writing it, all of it. He took one of my notebooks right there and stared down at the little book and wrote everything he could make out,” Logan laughed dryly and resumed filling the mold he had stopped on. “I bet he has the entire handbook memorized now.”

“He adores you very much then,” Janus said without reservation, without even looking away from the molds. The conclusion caught Logan off guard and silence persisted as he waited for Janus to elaborate; but no such continuation came. Again Logan found himself holding his breath, but it wasn’t like he didn’t know that Remus loved him. He said it at least ten times a day. It just felt very different coming from someone who’s known Remus for so long, Logan guessed. It’s different when someone else can see love that easily.

“I know,” Logan whispered sentimentally after a while, and wondered in the enduring silence of their work if he should’ve said that Remus loved Janus very much, too.

- - - - -

Janus paused on the bottom step of the Dark Side stairs as he spotted Logan, bent slightly at the waist and jotting something down on a rather large stack of white paper. The astringent smell of Sharpies was unavoidable. While it certainly wasn’t new at this point for Logan to be found here on a casual basis, it was a bit strange that Remus wasn’t in the immediate area.

“Hello, Logan,” Janus greeted in a smiling tone as he continued into the room and approached the workspace that was their dining table. 

“Hello,” He returned the friendly gesture without tearing his eyes away or stopping his hand from drawing a simplistic symbol in one of the dated squares.

“What brings you here without your typical consort?” Now peering over Logan’s shoulder, Janus realized it wasn’t just any stack of paper he was writing on, but a wall calendar.

“Remus just went to the bathroom. He’ll probably be back in a few moments.”

Janus made a soft sound of understanding and continued to watch. Capping the silvery marker he had been using, Logan switched it out for a dark blue one. Intrigue growing, Janus observed as he neatly drew an open circle, then some complex looking arrow shape beside it. Next Logan drew an odd arch shape on the other side of the square beside another open circle, this one with a dot in the center. Then two smaller circles diagonal from each other connected with a single line. Finally, next to that symbol, he drew a half crescent moon. Janus’ brows furrowed delicately. 

“Logan, dear?” 

“Hm?”

“What on Earth are you doing?”

Logan blinked and paused before slowly standing from his leaning position. He … didn’t really know where to begin. Talking about his hobby with Remus was one thing; while his boyfriend readily listened to his enthusing and had even offered his artistic expertise in ‘livening up’ the calendar today, the idea of explaining it to Janus felt like a different beast altogether. Why was that? Logan observed his feelings on the matter, staring down at the calendar. The writing there was neither impressive nor sloppy, but a typical middle ground of insignificantly informative, in his opinion. Mindlessly, he brought the marker up to his chest and capped it with a decisive click. His stomach became uneasy imagining himself divulging eagerly, about anything, to Janus. Why was that?

“I’m,” Indulging in a pseudoscience? Partaking in something that is unreliable and interpretive at best? Having an indemonstrable belief system? Being less than serious? Logan turned to face Janus, his arms falling to his sides. “Calculating planetary positions and hypothesizing on their potential,” Spiritual? Emotional? “Financial, political, and interpersonal ramifications,” Logan’s heart raced. He counted the beats. One, two, three, fourfivesixseveneight--

“I see,” Janus said reflexively but then paused to digest the sentence. It sounded interesting enough to him; foresight was high on his list of well regarded practices. Whatever helped in that pursuit, Janus found at least a little compelling. Though he cocked his head slightly and gave Logan a once over. Was he acting rather … defensive? There was no lie in his words, Janus would’ve immediately known after all, but he got the sense that he wasn’t being painted the full picture here. 

A bead of sweat dripped down the back of Logan’s collar. Janus wasn’t looking at him in any specific way, there wasn’t anything interrogative about the silence, in fact Janus’ expression was rather polite. Logan had noticed at some point that Janus looked at him more like an equal than any of the other accepted Sides. In return, he had come to trust the intrigue frequently found in his expressions. And yet he was anxious. Why? Historically, talking to Janus had never made him nervous before, sharing in pastimes together hadn’t either, so … why did he feel like sinking through the soles of his shoes and never speaking about this, ever again?

“Well,” Janus broke the silence with his entertained tone. “You were always into space and such, I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

Logan inhaled through his nose, more suddenly than he meant to, and realized only now there was a tension in his hands as they twitched to relax. Janus didn’t see anything wrong with his description of the hobby, but the fact was that he didn’t know the whole story. Logan’s explanation was, of course, accurate; accurate enough to not count as a lie, but Janus’ suspicion was warranted. A suspicion that was much closer to curiosity than Logan realized in his paranoid attempt to seem and sound more serious than necessary.

“Yes,” He mumbled and turned back around to the calendar. Janus watched with narrowed eyes as Logan placed the marker back with the rest, seeming to have a particular order that they belonged in. After a pause, he diverted his attention to the open, beige colored notebook on the other side of the table. Logan began to lightly drag a finger along the bottom of a written line of symbols there. Janus could only assume he was committing their exact meaning to memory in a way only someone like Logan could.

“So tell me,” Janus interrupted again as he elegantly sat himself down at the table opposite Logan, whose train of thought halted abruptly. “What do those symbols mean?” Janus asked, cradling his cheek in his palm as he reached the other hand to point at the five dark blue markings Logan had made. Logan swallowed and blinked slowly, bracing himself. There was no way he made it out of this conversation with Janus’ opinion of him remaining positive.

Keeping his tone as neutral as possible, Logan then dragged his finger along each symbol as it was defined, meeting Janus’ inquisitive eyes with his own hesitant gaze.

“Full moon,” Open circle, “Sagittarius,” arrow. Logan directed his finger to the other side of the square, dictating that those two symbols didn’t correlate in a direct sense to the next three. “Gemini,” He continued, pointing to the odd arch shape, “Sun,” dotted open circle, “Opposition,” the two smaller circles connected by the thin line, “Moon,” Logan finished at the half crescent moon shape.

A puzzled look flashed across Janus’ face before the words connected like a puzzle, forming a sentence he understood theoretically but in no literal way; full moon in Sagittarius, Gemini sun, opposition moon … which was in Sagittarius then? Janus could only guess. These were phrases he’s heard before, of course, but Logan said them in a way that felt far more significant than any well-rated horoscope app had.

Logan let Janus ruminate on his explanation, hoping no more questions came at the detriment of his reputation. Again he started to consult his notebook, but it was only a few moments before Janus spoke again.

“So … what’s the significance of … all that?” He asked and Logan’s mind raced in the same way Remus, Roman, and Virgil could speak at a mile a minute.

“The significance,” Logan began after what felt like much longer than a moment of struggling to quiet his mind, “Is as I said; potential financial, political, and interpersonal ramifications,” He completed in a mumble before clearing his throat, unable to meet Janus’ eyes anymore, causing the latter to frown.

The fact that Logan was growing increasingly uncomfortable wasn’t lost on Janus, of course. He watched the gears churning in Logan’s mind as mental gymnastics were performed. It wasn’t a secret to Denial why he felt discontented currently; being taken seriously was paramount to this Side and everyone had a long history of finding Logic to be a joke. After years of being dismissed without advocacy, Janus could only hope to display a patience and interest deep enough for Logan to find himself comfortable in his presence again.

“As you said,” Janus agreed, dismissing that superficial statement. “But what about that one, specifically? It’s in blue so I assume it has some significance.”

Logan’s lips tightened; where did he even begin? Explaining the correspondence between phenomena and full moons? Diving into Jupiter’s mythology and Sagittarius’ significance to Thomas, personally, as his moon ruler? The unease in his stomach shifted up his throat.

“Oh hey, Dee!” Remus suddenly interrupted as he returned from down the hall. If Logan were a man of lesser self control, he may have jumped right out of his skin.

They both turned to blink at the entrance, Logan a second too late as Remus dotted an affectionate kiss to his cheek. Rigidly, he gave a half-lipped smile to the gesture.

“Lolo telling you about his nerdy Astrology stuff?” Remus plopped himself into a chair between them at the table.

“Just a little,” Janus said as he sat back and crossed his legs.  

“Booooo,” Remus cheered, giving Logan a thumbs down before grinning. He leaned over to peer at the dark blue symbols that were drawn while he was away. “Full moon in Sagittarius,” Remus read like he was fluent in this second language Janus had only just learned the existence of. “And uh,” He paused, cocked his head in order to read the markings easier, “Gemini sun, uh, what’s that one again, Lolo?” Remus pointed at the connected, diagonal circles. 

Janus narrowed his eyes. He got the sense that Remus could easily say what that sign meant, but had asked Logan in order to hear him talk about it. How sweet.

“Opposition,” Logan repeated like a sigh as he reached to scratch the back of his neck. “Since the sun is in Gemini for most of this month, it will be opposing the moon’s position in Sagittarius that day.”

“Does that spell trouble for Tommyboy?” Remus asked mischievously, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the unused seat behind Logan.

“On the contrary,” Logan responded, opening his mouth to continue but then quickly closing it as the corner of his vision registered Janus again. 

The frown on Janus’ lips grew deeper as he silently observed the two. It seemed to come down to him and his effects on Logan’s nerves; the assumption that he would dismiss him like Patton, Roman, and Thomas, or say that he was wrong like Virgil.

“Please,” Janus urged in his most genuine tone as he held up his hands like a white flag. “Pretend I’m not here, do carry on.”

Logan inhaled slowly and seemed to take his time believing that sentiment. Another mental stalemate began; Logan wrestled with the expectations he held himself to, the assumed expectations Janus had of him, and the misconception that his hobby would be seen as silly or less than in any way. The silence dragged on until Remus broke the tension once more.

“Yeah, c’mon Lolo. Dee listens to me rant about stupid shit all the time. He’s got the patience of a Saint, I swear,” Remus smirked at Janus, who then reached out to pull affectionately on his partner’s ear.

“Like I have a choice with you,” Janus mumbled fondly, lacing his voice with thick sarcasm. 

Quickly, Remus turned his head like a baited shark and bit after Janus’ hand as it was retracted, narrowly missing the appendages with his teeth. Janus rolled his eyes and Remus beamed before shifting in his seat and staring up at Logan expectantly.

Logan’s chest burned with some unfamiliar feeling as he watched the clearly loving display. Naming emotions certainly wasn’t his strong suit, but whatever it was tightened his throat and made swallowing difficult. As usual for him, the feeling was quickly pushed away.

Which caused it to land directly into Denial’s jurisdiction. Janus had long perfected the art of remaining stoic in the face of blindsiding emotions that weren’t his own; which of course included now, as the denial of jealousy swiftly punched him in the stomach. Janus’ breathing stopped as he waited for the familiar pang of envy to subside, knowing by instinct that the originator stood before him.

“I suppose,” Logan continued after a moment before clearing his throat. “It is on the contrary that Thomas will be experiencing anything negative on this day or the two previous days leading up to this full moon,” He reached to flip a page in his notebook, revealing a neatly drawn chart of dates and signs. His finger rested decisively next to three in particular. “The moon will be in Sagittarius, opposing the current sun sign; Gemini. This is particularly good for Thomas since he has a natal Sagittarius moon.”

“Laaaaaame,” Remus exaggerated belligerently. Having been through this before, Logan gave a renewed half smile, knowing Remus only found Thomas’ lack of misfortune ‘lame’ and not the inherency of his explanation.

Janus exhaled finally as the emotional turmoil in his stomach subsided with Logan’s contentment. His chin raised curiously, eyeing the revealed page. This all sounded fascinating. He got the feeling that there was so much more to this topic, and that he would be very willing and rather eager to listen to it all as long as it was coming from Logan.

“Tell me, Lolo,” Remus said in a dark voice, frantically leaning forward, splaying his palms on the table and disregarding the way his quick movement made Logan’s markers roll away. “Do your charts and shit say when he’ll die?”

“No,” Logan sighed and rolled his eyes. The air turned sweet and Janus’ brows raised despite himself. “Even if they did, I wouldn’t tell you. It’d be incredibly subjective anyway,” Logan gestured dismissively and turned away, catching sight of Janus’ intrigued smirk. The expression made him gulp. “It’s all incredibly subjective,” He continued, now in a mumble as he went to close his notebook. 

Hastily, Logan began to gather the haphazard markers like he planned on packing his project away for the day. Lie and jealousy aside, Janus found himself invested.

“Well,” He began as Logan took a step back from the table to stare at the floor, seeming to have lost a marker in Remus’ chaos. “I thought it was all rather … enchanting,” Janus flirted unashamedly, producing the green hued utensil between his fingers with a curled smile. Logan blinked, the tips of his ears going red. “You’ll tell me more sometime?” Janus insisted, turning the thing in his grip and offering it more pointedly.

Logan swallowed and reached to quickly pluck the object from Janus’ fingers. 

“Sure,” He sighed, suddenly feeling like he had agreed to something rather damning.

“Delightful.”

Chapter One || Chapter Two

[eliemo]

Living in Denial

Janus’s pov in “Waiting Arms”

Summary: Janus had been a careful observer lately, noting with a sort of sad fondness how the other sides treated Virgil. He'd never seen him so content.

TWs: mention of past abuse

Masterpost

Taglist: @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @mygenderisidiot @a-very-gay-raccoon @dawnfire7 @cr4zyart @ray-does-stuff @whydoifeeltheneedtoorganizestuff @bunny222  @the-blue-recluse @bisexualdisaster106 (let me know if you want to be added or if I missed you)

To his own credit, Janus had been piecing things together before Roman even walked in the room.

He’d been a careful observer lately, noting with a sort of sad fondness how the other sides treated Virgil. They were careful around him, but not overly so. The four of them were clearly close, a tight knit “family” as they called it.

It wasn’t Janus’s department, but he could see the love and adoration in their eyes when they looked at each other. He’d never seen Virgil so...content. It was a bittersweet feeling.

So the idea that Roman, Patton, and Logan had been physically abusing Virgil this entire time didn’t quite add up. In fact, it seemed a rather ridiculous conclusion to come to.

If Virgil hadn’t been trembling on the floor, begging him and Remus not to hurt him (hurt him again), and shakily confessing that he had been hurt before, it never would have crossed Janus’s mind as a possibility.

And so, it wasn’t hard to come to the realization that Virgil probably hadn't been talking about to light sides.

By all logical reasoning (Logan would be pleased) he’d been talking about the Others. The less prominent, sometimes cruel parts of Thomas that would never fully manifest. The sides he, Virgil, and Remus had unfortunately spent a lot of time around for quite a few years.

Virgil’s behavior, his words, his panic, the way the light sides acted around him, it all pointed to the glaringly obvious conclusion that Virgil was recovering from the treatment the others had put him through.

Janus put the pieces together in a matter of seconds. He’d then promptly shoved it aside and jumped on board with Remus’s assumption as he stood in front of his brother, keeping Roman away from the anxious side falling deeper and deeper into panic on the kitchen floor.

Maybe it was selfish, but he could blame it on the fact that he wasn’t thinking very clearly at the moment.

He’d snarled at Roman, demanding the Prince explain what he’d done to Virgil, despite being almost entirely convinced at this point that Roman had done nothing but help him feel safe. Possibly for the first time in Anxiety’s life.

He denied the truth, despite how plainly it was laid out in front of him, because it was easier. Because accepting the truth meant accepting the fact that Virgil had undergone horrible treatment and Janus had done nothing.

All the nagging doubts he’d brushed aside, all the little white lies he’d caught onto and ignored, all the shaking hands and wide eyed, haunted looks that he’d chalked up to just another one of Virgil’s eccentricities. (He was Anxiety, after all, he was bound to be a bit jumpy by nature) All of that had been years of abuse, neglect, and mistreatment hidden in plain sight.

That little voice in the back of his head telling him something was wrong had been right. And that...that was terrifying.

So in the moment, he’d denied it. That was what he did best, after all.

But denial would only get a person so far. Denial would only crash and burn and spread into a devastating fire.

Because despite how hard he was trying, very little was going to be able to convince Virgil that Janus’s intent wasn’t to harm him. Not until he calmed down.

And then Virgil was gone, sinking out away from the noise in the kitchen, and Janus couldn’t honestly say he was surprised, alarmed as he was.

“Get off me, you idiot!”

Janus glanced behind him, shoulders sagging at the sight of the brothers. Roman had tried to push past Remus, the Duke grabbing the Prince’s sash and shoving him back, and Deceit knew if it was only a matter of seconds until someone threw a punch.

But in the moment, Janus couldn’t move, the loathsome truth fighting its way to the surface no matter how much he hated it, still kneeled on the kitchen rug.

The rug...the rug that definitely hadn’t always been there. The rug they’d placed beneath the cabinets seemingly out of nowhere one day. The rug that didn’t particularly go with the rest of the room.

Janus had once made a snide comment he didn’t really mean to Logan, offhandedly mentioning that they should get rid of it. He’d never seen the logical side grow so righteously defensive so quickly.

There had been a similar occurrence when he’d brought up the cups the light sides used. The plastic cups…

The truth was piecing itself together, and Janus thought he might be sick.

“What’s going on?”

Patton’s voice, frantic and confused, was flooding the kitchen before Deceit could pull himself together and reign in the chaos, the moral side skidding to a stop in the kitchen doorway.

And before Janus could stop him, Remus was releasing his hold on his brother and whirling around to face Morality.

“What the fuck have you done?”

The moral side paled, eyes going wide, and Janus wondered if anyone had ever had the audacity to swear at Patton before.

“I- what? Remus, calm--”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” Remus was still clutching his Morning Star, and Roman was carefully moving to put himself in between the two sides. “Tell me what the fuck you’ve done to Virgil!”

It was like a string had been cut. Patton’s face dropped, something dangerous hardening in his eyes. His gaze went to Janus on the rug still stained with spilled water, then to Roman shakily hovering in the middle of the chaos.

“Where’s Virgil?” Patton asked, and Janus had never heard Morality sound so cold. “Roman--”

“He sank out,” Janus said, finally finding his voice for the first time since Virgil had disappeared. “I was...attempting to calm him down.”

“Oh god.”

Remus reached for Patton’s arm as the moral side turned away and Janus quickly forced himself to speak again, beyond grateful for the way his words didn’t tremble.

“Let him go, Remus,” he said. “It wasn’t them.”

Remus turned to him, incredulous, but dropped his hand all the same, Morning Star still held tight in the other. Patton threw him a questioning glance, but was hurrying through the doorway without another word.

He nearly ran right into a slightly disheveled Logan’s chest.

“What on earth?” He frowned when Patton didn’t answer, barreling past the logical side and out of the kitchen. “I heard yelling, is--”

“What do you mean it wasn’t them?” Remus was spinning around to face Janus, completely ignoring Logan’s tired confusion. “Virgil just said--”

“You're not listening! ” Roman jumped in, and Janus watched Logan quietly take in the scene. “If you would just calm down and let us explain--”  

“Roman.”

Janus didn’t jump- not quite. He would never allow himself to so visibly lose his composure, never in front of so many people. But Logan’s voice, the look in his eyes, was more than enough to bring silence to the room.

When Deceit looked up at Logan, it was like reading an open book. Janus could pick up on lies, read between lines like a second language, but with the logical side there really was never any need.

Logan, for all the times he claimed not to feel, felt more clearly, more strongly than even Patton. He felt and expressed his emotions more intensely than any of them, all while adamantly denying their existence.

And right now, Janus only needed a single glance to see Logan’s anger.

“What happened?” he asked, eyes on the Prince, voice steely calm. “Where is Virgil?”

There was worry beneath the anger, but not nearly enough at the moment to grant them any mercy.

“He was having an attack,” Roman explained, defenses dropping, and it was clearly a frequent enough event that Logan instantly knew what he meant. “I was trying to help him but they wouldn’t let me!”

Janus would never admit it, and he wondered if Remus felt the same, but something about Roman’s aggression sent a pang of...something though his chest. Something that hurt.

He deserved it, he knew. He wasn’t even close to being one of them. He might never be. But he’d been making strides lately, small as they were.

Now, it was like being back on the outside looking in.

But that didn’t matter right now. What mattered is that Remus was quiet, and Janus needed to keep it that way before someone threw a punch.

“I think it is safe to assume,” Logan was saying before Janus could gather his thoughts. “That Janus and Remus have no knowledge of Virgil’s previous treatment. They were trying to protect him.”

“All I know,” Janus said, the bite to his words the last defense he had left. “Is that Virgil was convinced he was going to be beaten. Again. We were a bit caught off guard, so forgive us for taking initiative, Roman.”

“And look where your initiative got you!”

“So what you’re saying,” Logan snapped, turning back to the twins before Janus could retort. “Is that Virgil had already been triggered into a panic attack, and you two decided to have a shouting match five feet away from him?”

Roman had the decency to look guilty, the fight deflating completely from his stance, but Janus couldn’t find it in him to be relieved. Not when Remus was looking progressively more and more panicked beside him.

“I was- I was just trying to help! I thought you--”

“Living room.” Logan’s voice was cold, and even Janus couldn’t shut the Duke down that easily. “All of you. Now.”

Janus, for once, didn’t argue, and he suddenly realized he still hadn’t moved from his crouch on the kitchen rug.

Regaining what little dignity he had left, Deceit quickly picked himself back up, absently brushed off his clothes like he wasn’t just barely numb enough to avoid breaking down completely, and stalked right past the others, all while ignoring the death glares Roman and Remus were sending each other.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately- he really wasn’t in a headspace to have his worst fears confirmed), the dreaded conversation wasn’t yet ready to happen.

“Logan!”

Patton was barreling down the stairs, eyes only on the logical side, trembling and frantic, and Janus felt something uneasy clawing at his tightening throat.

Remus had moved to the couch, perched on the arm with his legs crossed, watching the others uneasily. He kept glancing at Janus, but Deceit couldn’t bring himself to look over.

“He’s not there,” Patton hissed, voice laced with panic as he gripped Logan’s sleeve. “He’s not- he’s not in his room, I can’t find him I can’t--”

“Patton, please attempt to calm yourself.”

“He’s gone again!” Patton’s voice caught, eyes welling with tears, and Janus quickly turned away. “It’s happening again, he...what if he- Logan I can’t let this happen again!”

There it was, once more. Again. It was going to happen again. Virgil didn’t want to be hurt anymore.

All of it. Over and over again for god only knew how long. And Janus, priding himself on being a silent observer, on always knowing more than he let on, had just...he’d just…

Janus was sinking out of the living room before he really had time to wrap his head around where he was going, He tried not to think about the irony of following in Virgil’s footsteps.

But if Virgil wasn’t in his room, something that was clearly alarmingly familiar to the others, then Janus was almost positive he knew where he was.

He’d practically said it himself in his panic, a shred of safety he’d desperately clung onto.

“Hey, you’re ok.”

The words were already filtering in by the time Janus appeared beside the staircase in Thomas’s living room, dread already lessening at the apparent lack of panic in the host’s voice.

“You’re ok, bud. You’re safe. It’ll be ok when you wake up.”

Virgil was on the couch (Janus hadn’t quite expected to feel the relief that strongly, legs threatening to give out beneath him), eyes closed and breathing beginning to slow.

Thomas was kneeling on the floor beside him, one hand carding through Virgil’s hair, the other carefully interlocked with the anxious side’s, speaking soft reassurances as he slowly drifted off.

Thomas was a good person. Janus knew that, despite any arguments he may have made in the past for the sake of proving a point.

Thomas was compassionate. He cared, more than anyone. And yet it still caught Janus off guard to see him act so gentle towards Anxiety.

With theories of what had happened to Virgil in the past forming in his head, Janus decided that was for the best. Virgil needed people to be gentle with him.

He wished he’d been able to offer that.

Janus was taking a step forward before he could stop himself, voice much smaller than he would have liked. “Thomas?”

Thomas froze and fell silent, shoulders tensing slightly, but he didn’t turn away from a now still and quiet Virgil.

For a moment the living room was quiet, and Janus wondered if he should just duck out, hurry and tell the others that Virgil was safe.

But he couldn’t move, completely frozen once again, and Thomas let out a quiet sigh.

“It’s not your fault,” he said, and Janus did not care for being thrown off by his own host. That was his job. But Thomas was continuing before he had the chance to come up with an answer. “Can you grab me a blanket from the closet?”

Janus opened his mouth to respond, something sarcastic and witty automatically at the tip of his tongue, but then his eyes fell back onto Virgil, the guilt flooding back, and any usual snark died in his throat.

“Of course.”

Thomas had a few blankets folded up on the closet shelf, and Janus carefully took the softest one in there- a dark gray comforter he thought he might have seen Virgil use before.

Wordlessly, he handed it over to Thomas and watched as he draped it over Virgil, careful not to wake the anxious side.

“He’ll be ok,” Thomas said, and took a shaky breath. “Did you...did you know?”

“Oh yes.” There was no use in even trying to control his own response. “I was fully aware that Virgil was being horrifically abused every time I had my back turned. I stood there and did absolutely nothing to stop it. Is that what you want to hear?”

Thomas was staring at him, probably watching Deceit with that unbearably gentle gaze, but Janus refused to look. He kept his eyes on Virgil, gloved hands clutching his own sleeve, refusing to acknowledge the fact that he’d started to shake.

As awful as it was, as selfish and cruel as it was, he wished the light sides had been the ones hurting Virgil. He wished this was something recent. He wished there was an excuse for not noticing.

“Janus?”

It took him a moment to realize that wasn’t Thomas speaking, Patton now beside him in front of the couch. Thomas was nowhere in sight, and Janus had no idea how long he’d been standing here.

“Can you head back to the mindscape, please?” Patton asked, a hand coming to rest on Janus’s arm. He didn’t pull away. “The others wanna talk to you.”

Janus scoffed, still frozen in place. “You all must be thrilled. Finally an excuse to send the dark sides back where they came from.”

He didn’t spare Patton anything more than a cautious glance, but it was enough to see his eyes filled with a disgusting amount of sympathy.

“We know you would never hurt Virgil,” Patton said. “Remus wouldn’t either. We all know that. I trust you, Janus.”

Janus shook his head, throat far too tight to form a coherent answer, taking a moment to breathe. “Are you coming?”

“Not yet,” Patton said. “I...think I need to stay with him. Just for right now.”

And Janus supposed he understood that. A part of him wanted so desperately to stay, to never let Virgil out of his sight again just to be absolutely sure he was safe.

But he didn’t have the right to make that request. Not when he’d clearly failed so spectacularly at keeping him out of harm’s way before.

He sank out without another word, trusting Patton to do what he couldn't.

The living room in the mindscape was almost exactly the scene he had expected. Logan and Roman were on the couch, the Prince scowling at Remus who was pacing the floor, whatever rant he was going on falling silent as soon as Janus reappeared.

The Duke’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw him, brimming with unabashed hope and desperation, and Janus’s heart sank when he realized what Remus wanted.

Remus was waiting for a better explanation, for Janus to assure him that what the light sides were saying wasn’t true. That Virgil hadn’t been beaten behind their backs for years.

God, Janus wished he could offer him that.

Instead, he moved over to the empty armchair, sat down with his hands folded in his lap, and steadily met Logan’s gaze.

“Tell me what they did to him.”

He didn’t look away. Not when Remus stormed out of the room and a door slammed somewhere in the mindscape a few seconds later, not when Janus’s gut twisted in anger and disgust when Logan told him details.

He did, however, begin to feel like he might throw up when they explained that Virgil had been taught that it was normal.

“Janus.”

Janus hadn’t realized he’d stood from the chair, already moving towards the stairs until Logan was suddenly following him, voice curt and pained. Deceit forced himself to turn back around.

“I can’t say that I fully trust you yet,” Logan said, and Janus almost laughed at the logical side’s bluntness. “And I have my differences with Remus. But I know you two would never hurt Virgil. I know you would have stopped it if you’d known.”

Of course he would have. If he’d ever caught one of the others in the act, ever seen the abuse in action, it never ever would have happened again. No one would dare.

And they’d known that. So they’d hidden it. And Janus had never thought to look deeper into the little, seemingly meaningless lies. The way sometimes Virgil would be limping…

God, what the fuck was wrong with him? How on earth was anybody willing to accept him when it had all been his fault?

But he didn’t say any of that. There was no excuse, no reason to drag this on any longer than was needed.

“Alright,” he said instead, continuing up the stairs. “Tell me when he wakes up.”

Janus thought briefly about checking in on Remus, but quickly decided he couldn’t bear to see his own guilt mirrored in the Duke’s horror.

Later. They would talk about this later.

Instead he locked himself in his room, doubting anyone would come looking for him but fully prepared to turn them away if they did. He didn’t want to face anyone right now. He didn’t plan on leaving until Virgil was awake.

He stayed there in silence until Patton softly knocked hours later, the sky dark and his head heavy, nervously informing him through the door that Virgil was awake and up for visitors.

And in those hours, if he’d let his walls down and privately lost his carefully upheld composure, well...no one needed to know.

All that was left to do was move forward, and make sure Virgil knew he would never be hurt again. Janus wouldn’t let him. Not again.

[gothighunicorntolerance]

At last, my Big Bang fic!

When Roman and his friends go hiking, they expect to see some birds, some lizards, maybe a deer if they were lucky- not a hidden cave with a sleeping person inside, unable to be woken up by anyone. His friends decide to let the sleeping person stay put, but there’s some feeling Roman just can’t shake off. Red chapter one below, and the full fic on AO3, accompanied by amazing art by @littlebigmouse

taglist: @theimprobabledreamersworld @edupunkn00b @ts-storytime

AO3 link

art post

The tranquility of the forest was quickly interrupted by the banter of several people standing by a parked car, their faces illuminated by the pink-tinted full moon low on the horizon.

“Come at me, Mothman! I have a very juicy ass you would LOVE!”

“Remus, you IDIOT. Mothman lives in West Virginia!”

“Well what about the skunk ape, Virgil? Don't you want to see the Skunk Ape? SKUNK APE! SKUNK APE!” He chanted, his voice echoing in the parking lot.

“Remus, would you shut up?!” Roman shoved his brother. “We are actually going to try and find wildlife like deer and stuff, and that’s not going to happen if you keep shouting for cryptids to fuck you.”

The rest of the group sighed collectively at the antics of the twins, though Roman didn’t pay much attention to his friends’ groaning.

“Anyways,” Roman said louder than necessary. “Logan, you have the compass, right?”

“Of course. I also brought several yards of paracord, just in case. And also cereal bars, batteries, and water.”

“Thank you for being the responsible one,” Roman laughed. “Virgil, it’s your job to make sure that the entire state of Florida doesn’t find out that my brother is a monster fucker.”

Virgil groaned. “You know that’s going to be impossible.”

“Just punch him when you think he’s about to say something stupid.”

“Oh, like this?” Virgil smacked Remus in the arm.

“Ow!” Remus groaned.

“Well, I thought you were about to say something stupid.”

“Can we please just get on with our hiking-adventure-whatever you’re calling it?” Janus spoke up.

“Please.” Logan agreed.

“O-KAY! Into the woods!” Roman sang.

The five hikers walked down the small dirt path, the mud from last night’s storm splashing their ankles. The colors of the sunset were barely visible through the branches of the trees, which cast long shadows onto the ground and Roman still quietly humming all parts of the song by himself.

As Roman’s song ended, trailing off into the instrumental bits, Remus had finally shut up about various cryptids, and the only sounds were the squelching of mud sticking to their shoes and the occasional snap of a stick or crunch of a fallen leaf underfoot.

The May nights were cool and humid, so most days like this, Roman wore cheaper jeans and a hoodie that he was willing to throw away if it got too dirty or torn.

About half an hour into their adventure-hike, Logan silently passed around flashlights to everyone, which Roman gladly accepted. It had gotten dark quickly, to the point where Roman had been barely able to see his feet.

Suddenly, Virgil, who was in front, stopped.

“Deer,” he whispered, aiming his flashlight into the trees.

Roman followed the flashlight beam onto a huge buck, its pelt speckled with mud and antlers extending far beyond its ears.

“The inside spread is over twelve inches,” Logan whispered.

“That’s big, right?” Janus asked.

“Yes, it is. The largest recorded spread in the state of Florida was nineteen and a half inches.”

Roman knew that Remus was about to open his mouth and say something stupid, and apparently, so did Virgil, because Remus groaned again after he was hit in the shoulder, the rest of the group snickering.

The deer eventually ran away, and the group continued on until the dirt path ended.

“Hey, look at this!” Virgil waved the group over to where he was standing, shining his flashlight into a large opening in the side of a rockface.

Roman jogged over and looked into the cave- as far as the flashlight illuminated, he could see moss and other plants clinging to wet stone.

“I haven’t seen this before- I think I’d remember,” Janus commented.

“It must have been uncovered by erosion from the storm last night,” Logan added in.

“Let’s go in!” Roman and Remus said at the same time, grinning at each other. They might not agree on much, but when it came to deciding whether or not to explore a creepy-looking cave, the answer was always going to be yes.

“Don’t you think we should- never mind,” Virgil sighed as the twins started swinging their flashlights across the wet ground of the cave.

“Look at this!” Remus whisper-shouted to Roman, pointing out some kind of slime growing on a rock.

“That is disgusting, put it down or I’m not letting you in the car,” Roman said as Remus began to poke the slime.

Remus stuck his tongue out at his brother but reluctantly stopped poking the unfamiliar growth. Roman turned around to see that the rest of the group had followed them in.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Virgil asked worriedly. “I mean, this cave wasn’t here before, and we might be the first living things to step in here in maybe hundreds of years.”

“And this is how people find monster boyf- OW!” Virgil once again took it upon himself to hit Remus in the arm to stop him from talking about various cryptids in a non-child-friendly manner.

“Caves such as this one are particularly interesting because you never know what you might find- oh, look!” Logan pointed to another small opening at the back of the cave.

“I’m going to crawl through!” Roman declared after the group had spent a minute or so deciding what to do.

Roman got on his hands and knees and started to wedge himself through the opening, quite aware that he would likely have to put his clothes through more than one wash cycle to get the stains out. He bit down on the flashlight, illuminating what was in front of him, but only barely.

When there was finally room for Roman to stand, he turned and called through the opening, “I’m fine! You can come through, it’s safe!”

The second part of the cave was much wider than the first part, and Roman was able to stand without hunching over.

Swinging his flashlight across the ground, Roman suddenly gasped.

There was a man laying on the ground, hands folded across his chest, dressed in- were those robes?

“Guys…? You might want to see this…” Roman called out again, his voice shaking.

“Ro? Are you okay- HOLY SHIT!” Janus crawled through, his eyes wide with disbelief and perhaps a little fear.

Remus and Virgil came through next, Remus uncharacteristically silent, his mouth open in an ‘o.’

Logan was the last to crawl through, and he, like everyone else, stood silent, looking at the figure laying in the center of the cave, arms crossed over their chest and wings spread out- Roman rubbed his eyes. This couldn’t be real- he couldn’t have found some guy in a cave that hadn’t been touched in years!

Maybe they had gotten drunk or something and put on a very realistic-looking cosplay and then ran through the woods? Remus had done odder things, so it couldn’t be completely ruled out.

Janus slowly walked up to the figure, stepping over the silken blue robes and putting his hand on their neck, careful not to knock off the wire framed glasses.

“There’s a pulse, but it’s really faint.” Janus announced to the group. “They’re definitely not dead.” The hikers stepped closer to the sleeping person, forming a circle around them but careful to not touch the giant gray bird wings sprouting from their back. Roman noticed a strand of curly brown hair had fallen into their eyes, and resisted the urge to reach out and tuck the strand of hair behind their ear.

After a moment of silence, Roman spoke up. “Should we… try to wake them up? I mean, what else should we do?”

Roman was careful not to touch the sleeping person. Roman wouldn’t admit it, but he was afraid there would be some kind of horror movie scene- where as soon as he got close enough, they would sit up and try to murder him. Or something like that.

Logan crouched and tapped his phone, and the default alarm sound echoed through the cave. The person didn’t stir.

Virgil stepped up next, unscrewing the cap of his water bottle and pouring the contents onto their face. “Seriously? Nothing?” Virgil muttered.

“Let me try,” Janus said, grabbing the person’s shoulder and shaking them.

“Alright,” Remus said, stepping forward and rolling up his sleeve. He looked up at Roman, grinning, before bringing his arm down to the person’s face and slapping them on the cheek. Roman cringed at the echo it created, but there was still no reaction from them.

“How the fuck did that not work?” Remus stared at the still-sleeping person.

“Heavy sleeper?” Roman suggested.

“Coma?”

“Dead?”

“Are we about to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved?”

“Underlying medical condition?”

“Alright, it’s your turn, Prince Charming. Go do a true love’s kiss on the guy. You never know,” Remus laughed.

“No way! I’m not touching that guy with my finger, let alone my mouth!” Roman protested as Remus tried to drag him over.

Another beat of silence passed before Virgil spoke up. “I think we should leave. This dude’s probably not okay, and I don’t want to have to call the police or paramedics. I don’t want to get involved in anything, whether this guy is just stoned or in a coma or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Roman said after a minute of consideration. “You’re right. I don’t want to get involved. We should just- I dunno, leave the guy here? Maybe check later to see if they’re okay? I mean, they’re not dead.”

Everyone nodded in agreement, and soon crawled back out the way they came. Roman exited last, and couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder at the sleeping figure. A small part of him wanted to stay behind, try and wake them up.

But Roman ignored that feeling and left the cave with the rest of his group.

Once the group srood back on the path, all a little shaken or confused from what they had just seen, Roman said, “let’s all just go back home. If we want to, we’ll come back next week or whenever to make sure the guy’s either okay or gone, but for now just leave it alone.”

Roman said the last part for himself, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that he was missing something. He shook his head and followed Logan and Janus, who had already started walking back to the parking lot through the wet grass and still-sticky mud. Even in the dim light, Roman could tell the two of them were holding hands. Roman opened his mouth to tease the two of them but thought better of it. They had all just seen something pretty weird in that cave (Roman was still trying to decide what he really saw), and Logan and Janus hadn’t announced that they were together, probably for the exact reason that Roman would tease them.

Oh well, there would be plenty of moments for teasing later. For now, Roman just focused on dragging his feet along the muddy path back to the car, though he kept glancing over his shoulder. He told himself that it was to keep an eye on Remus and Virgil and make sure they were still behind him, but the nagging feeling that he had forgotten something still lingered.

[dukeofonions]

“Because I was one of them.”

“Oh, okay cool.”

Or alternatively: Why Virgil’s confession has lost it’s impact.

Exploring the Dark Sides (Part One)

Something I realized the other day is that a lot of my current issues with this series wouldn’t exist if there was a consistent uploading schedule. 

You see when there’s a steady stream of new content flowing I’m more inclined to just go with the flow and not spend so much time looking back analyzing things I’ve already floated past because why should I when there’s so much new stuff ahead? 

But say that stream suddenly comes to an abrupt stop and I’m left sitting with nowhere else to go. At that point I start looking back, noticing little things that I hadn’t noticed during my initial trip down this metaphorical river. I now notice all the jagged rocks, how shallow the water actually is, etc. 

And while this doesn’t necessarily ruin my experience over all, I’m left scratching my head wondering whose idea it was to come to this place anyway. Sure it’s not the worst place to go floating, but surely there’s a better place with deeper water and less hazards. Just an easier way to float along where one doesn’t have to worry about the stream suddenly ending. 

I don’t know where this metaphor came from but to sum it up: since there are such long waits (years now) between actual Sanders Sides episodes and there’s a lack of new content to take in, I’m left looking back over what we have now and during my little look backs I’ve begun to notice some things that cause issues with the latest additions to the series. 

Some of the more interesting things I’ve noticed revolve around the three resident “Dark Sides” and how they’re written in the series. While a lot of it is really good and I think they’ve got some of the best moments in the series, there’s also a lot of little things that pop up that, when looking at the series as a whole, don’t make a lot of sense. 

Which is why I’ve begun this little series where I do a little deep dive into some of these things I’ve noticed and break them down to see if I can try and make sense of it, and this post is going to focus on Virgil.

More specifically, Virgil’s confession to being a former “Dark Side” and how it’s kinda lost it’s thunder.

As per usual, this is all my own opinion and you’re free to agree or disagree as you see fit. Of course I get pretty salty but I try to avoid getting too negative because where’s the fun in that? 

Anywho, on with the show! 

I’ll admit, despite my problems with the concept of “Dark Sides” as a whole, I genuinely loved the subplot of Virgil hiding that he used to be one of them from Thomas.

From a story telling standpoint they do a good job with the foreshadowing, leaving plenty of clues for the audience to find and it all pays off at the end. It’s also unclear at first whether Roman, Logan, and Patton know (Spoiler alert they do) and there’s some close calls via Janus and Remus dropping hints in front of Thomas which cause Virgil to freak out and adds some tension to the series. 

It also provides a bit of a mystery around Virgil, Janus, and Remus as while it’s clear that the three have some kind of history together we’re never told or shown explicitly how their relationship was. Of course, we’re given plenty of hints, but we have yet to know what life was like when Virgil was “one of them” and it gives the audience more to look forward to and theorize about. 

And of course, the actual reveal itself is amazing. The acting, the music, the complete silence after Virgil confesses and him looking like he’s about to cry as he sinks out is just *cheff’s kiss* perfect.

So what exactly is the problem here? 

The foreshadowing? There’s just enough to get people theorizing but still plenty of room for people to speculate without spelling everything out. 

The reveal? What can I say, I don’t have any complaints here. It’s definitely one of my favorite scenes from the series and I can’t find a single thing wrong with it from a technical stand point.

But as mentioned before, I started thinking about it more, and after taking everything we know about Virgil and "the dark sides" into account, this question suddenly came to mind:

Why is Thomas so shocked by this?

Think about it, when Virgil first appeared he was a little bitch. He was kind of the first antagonist of the series. Not evil per say, but compared to the other Sides he was a little shit who enjoyed bringing Thomas down. He was very much what one might consider a "dark side."

He wasn't ever trying to act like a "good guy" in order to earn Thomas's trust or anything, he was very open about what his role was and how it’s just who he is. So really, Thomas's reaction should have been something along the lines of, "Oh, okay. Makes sense."

Of course, we do see Virgil change over time and we learn that he isn't as bad as he seems (even though that seems questionable now) but that should have made his "past" even more obvious.

Like, Thomas, the guy had a whole acceptance arc because he was a bitch and no one liked him. You were literally there throughout his entire journey, it shouldn't surprise you that he was once part of a group you consider to be "evil."

Well okay, maybe Virgil just wanted to be honest regardless of whether or not the "dark sides" are actually evil or not. Who knows? Maybe he chose to confess when he did because he saw how horribly Remus had been affecting Thomas and seeing as he felt as though he'd failed to protect Thomas from Remus and Janus, figured he might as well try to protect Thomas from himself as well.

Which, okay, if that were the case then that could explain Thomas's reaction. He'd just met Remus, saw him at what could he his worst (we've only had one actual episode with Remus so who knows how bad he can get?) and while he learned that he's actually pretty easy to deal with and isn't as scary as he thought, who's to say the reverse couldn't happen with Virgil?

He saw that he wasn't as bad as he thought, but when you look at how nasty Virgil's been lately, who's to say that couldn't happen? It's been said that Virgil, as Thomas's anxiety, is manageable and isn't as bad as others. But we've literally seen Thomas say that he's afraid of what Virgil could do and so he just kind of has to let him do his thing in order to avoid all the "bad stuff" he could do.

According to Thomas: "There's a lot that Virgil could do that I don't want him to do. He knows exactly how to push my buttons. But he is who he is. All we can do is try to listen to him as best as we can and adapt to his needs."

(For anyone who wants to watch the clip here's the time stamp Embarrassing Phases 20:31)

Uh, yeah, that sounds super healthy there. But I'll get into my issues with that little message in another post.

Just before this though, Roman had asked Thomas if "He's (Virgil) going back to being scary can I go back to calling him names?"

Thomas responds by telling him as he's leaving that he still has to be nice to him, before Logan expresses that he's glad (or relieved) that Virgil didn't go into Thomas's "girl phase" which just hearing it being mentioned seems to stress Thomas out. Then finally after Logan leaves Patton explains that while he's trying to respect Virgil's wants and still be a good friend, he feels like he just makes things worse which is where Thomas attempts to reassure him.

Except his advice is to just, let Virgil do what he wants so he doesn't hurt them? And while he says they need to work with Virgil it doesn't seem like he's requiring Virgil to work with him as well in order to not make his life miserable?

Hm, is it possible that my answer as to why Thomas reacts so strongly to Virgil being "one of them" lies within my least favorite episode in the series?

Perhaps Thomas was already starting to be afraid of Virgil before the whole confession in DWIT, and has gotten to a point where he's forcing himself (shown by him telling the others to keep "being nice to Virgil" despite how he treats them) to just take whatever Virgil throws at him in order to spare himself from whatever worse things Virgil could do to him?

That, added with everything that happens in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, where Thomas witnesses a Side of himself that appears to be worse than Virgil, could have set him on edge. And if Remus, who he considers a dark side, who he openly admits to hating and is so afraid of him that he loses sleep, then just how bad could Virgil be if he was ever at his worst?

With all that in mind, yeah. It does make sense why Thomas would react the way he did and why he'd be cautious of trusting Virgil in the future.

Except, none of this has actually been confirmed within the series and is purely speculation and since we still don't have the season two finale, we really have no idea what Thomas actually feels towards the situation since he kinda brushes it off at the end of DWIT by doing the outro.

But wait... we actually do know how Thomas feels. In fact, we already know how the issue is resolved!

Looks like it's time for-

How Asides Ruins Everything!

You all remember when Asides was first announced, right? These were meant to be shorter, lighter videos that took place outside of the current series and were meant to give us content in between the long breaks for regular Sanders Sides episodes that also wouldn't get in the way of filming said episodes.

Well we all know how that little idea turned out seeing as it's now been a year since Putting Others First and they decided that we needed to have two Asides episodes before the finale that were apparently essential to the "plot" even though the current plot in Sanders Sides has nothing to do with Thomas getting a boyfriend but I digress.

But you know, I wouldn't be as upset about the Asides causing us having to wait longer for the actual story to pick up again, if the Asides episodes didn't ruin the actual series!

How did it manage this? Well, let's just look at Virgil here and the entire point of this post which is, as the title states, why his confession has lost its impact.

And the answer? Well, at some point the writer's decided that the best way to resolve the new conflict between Thomas and Virgil was to have them indirectly make amends by using some random character that is clearly just a stand in for Virgil and use this character's "confession of a past they weren't proud of" as a way to discuss the situation and Thomas's feelings on the matter just to have Thomas indirectly assure Virgil that they're still "okay" and it doesn't bother him.

So according to Asides, Thomas is just fine with Virgil despite his confession. And as we see in the following Asides episode, they're still cool with each other!

So what was the point of that dramatic confession, which was being built up towards throughout pretty much all of season two, just to have the characters indirectly discuss it and make amends like it was nothing???

Why should the audience care when it all just gets brushed aside (ha) like it's no big deal?

Everything was in place for Virgil's reveal before the Asides came into the picture. You had the build up, you had the pay off, there was the suspense when Virgil was completely absent from POF, and then you would have had him confronting Thomas and the two having to directly come to terms with this new information.

But nope! Let's just have them sit awkwardly by each other on the couch while they watch Frozen in onesies while everyone keeps talking about some random character whom the audience has never heard of before that we're supposed to figure out is meant to represent Virgil and Thomas is all "Nah we're still cool bro."

What's supposed to happen now? Janus is supposedly a "good guy" now so why would he bring up Virgil's past to get under his skin? And if he still does why would it bother Thomas since he's already come to terms with it?

Look, even though I've got my problems with the concept of "dark sides" as a whole, it wouldn't have mattered to me if they'd at least committed to telling a good story here with Virgil's past because I was genuinely interested in that.

I freaked out when he told Thomas, and initially I thought we weren't going to see those two interact again until the finale where Virgil would finally have to face Thomas and we'd get to watch how he comes to terms with it. And if Asides hadn't been a thing and we had gone straight from DWIT to POF it looks like this was the direction they were headed.

But instead we're basically told (not shown) by Thomas that he's fine with Virgil. And the reason as to why Virgil's not in POF despite being on good terms with Thomas?

"There was just no reason for him to be there."

Really? There was no reason for Virgil, who was directly part of the discussion that led to POF in the first place, to be present during the aftermath of the decision they all had helped Thomas make?

There was more reason for him to be there than Logan and he still showed up! They had the perfect explanation set up for them in DWIT: Virgil had just revealed his past to Thomas and due to being afraid of how he'd respond (or just wanting to give Thomas space and not stress him out more) chose to remain absent from the conversation.

That actually makes sense and lines up with the story but nope.

The "Dark Sides" and Virgil's past with them was one of my favorite things about the series. The mystery surrounding it all and Virgil trying to protect Thomas from them while keeping his own history with them a secret was a brilliant concept thats just kinda fallen flat on its face.

The long waits between episodes don't help, and how they're rushing through certain aspects within the series itself along with Asides coming in and muddling things up, I don't really care to be invested anymore.

Why should I when there's a chance anything interesting they come up with will just be glossed over like it's no big deal?

It's hard to make a final judgment here in regards to Virgil's current arc when we still have no conclusion in sight. But from what we've seen from Asides, which is now integral to the plot of Sanders Sides, we kinda already have our answer.

Thomas and Virgil are just fine with each other. We learned that Flirting With Social Anxiety takes place right after POF and that Virgil already knows about Janus getting on Thomas's good side so there's no suspension with him finding out about that either.

All that's really left with him is his troubling relationship with Patton but I don't even care about that anymore. They've hardly addressed it at all and given what we've been seeing I doubt the conclusion to their strained relationship won't be satisfying either.

I don't know what the finale, or the rest of the series, will hold concerning Virgil. While I hope that things will turn around and get better, at this current rate it doesn't seem likely.

Episodes are still taking years to make, and the ones we're getting are just distracting from the main plot or taking things away.

Virgil isn't the only character suffering from this, but at least he's not as worse off as others.

Which is why in the next installment of this series, we'll be taking a look at a little, yellow snake and how one of the characters with the most potential ended up being the most underwhelming parts of the series.

[scenecipriano]

Hello hello scene!!!

May I request Janus saying 43? Perhaps while he's covered in blood and injuries?

Your choice if they turn him away or not!!

A/N: Ya sure can! And I have the perfect idea-

43. “Please- please help me! there’s someone here- they’re going to kill me!“

------------

Roman was never a fan of visiting his brother, there was always something off about Remus, not to mention the countless rules you had to follow when you entered his house.

If you enter Remus's house then you had to, A. Stay out of the basement, B. Not enter the guest room next to his, the guest room downstairs was yours, and C. Never, ever walk around at night.

For the longest time, Roman refused to visit his brother within his home just because of those ridiculous rules, but now he had no choice.

He was out of a job, their parents refused to help him pay for his apartment, and he wasn't about to live on the streets, so Remus's house was the next best thing.

"Oh, you're going to love it! It'll just be like when we were kids, only this time no adults to tell us to turn off the porn!" Remus exclaims as he and Roman carry some of the younger twins belongings inside.

Roman grimaces as he sets a box of his Disney figurines down.

"First of all, they didn't tell me that. Second of all, I don't want to see your weird porn collections anyway. This is just temporary until I can find a job and make enough to get my own place again."

Roman was wishing for that to happen sooner rather than later.

He jumps startled when Remus lands a firm smack onto his back, he turns to give his brother a piercing glare.

"Yeah, yeah whatever! Just know you're allowed to stay here as long as you want, Ro-bro! Just remember the rules, I'd hate for you to see some gruesome sex during the devils hour!"

Roman forces a smile, 'God just kill me now.'

Later that night, Roman found himself tossing and turning in bed, the sounds of screaming and Remus's obscene laughter had been going on for hours now and Roman couldn't take it anymore.

He lets out an annoyed huff and throws his blankets off, he stomps over to his bedroom door and pauses for a moment. Remus has always said to never go out at night...

The loud sounds of someone running across the floor and his brother's obnoxious yelling causes his hesitance to fall away.

'To hell with the rules!'

Roman throws his door open, ready to give his brother a piece of his mind, before being knocked back by something running straight into him in the hallway.

He looks down, his green eyes widening. There was a man a foot shorter than him, he was covered head to toe in bruises and cuts, dried blood covered his once bright yellow shirt.

“Please- please help me! there’s someone here- they’re going to kill me!" The man cries as shaky hands grip onto Roman's night shirt.

"What? Who the hell are you? I swear if this is one of Remus's pranks."

The man for a moment looks confused, but his confusion melts into fear when loud footsteps sound at the end of the hall. Roman groans when the man stands behind him cowering.

"Jaannnusss, you know running from me just makes it wor- Roman? Why the fuck are you out of your room?"

The man, who Roman now knows as Janus lets out a strained whimper as he cowers behind him more.

"I came out to tell you to shut the fuck up, but obviously you can't if a bitch like this is going to run away from the fun," Roman replies as he reaches behind him to grab Janus by the wrist.

Janus stares up at Roman in shock, panic surges through him when he notices the same sick smirk that Remus always had.

The quiet that settled between the three of them is disrupted by Remus's loud laugh.

"Holy, SHIT! I knew you weren't all goody goody!!"

Roman rolls his eyes as he shoves Janus back to his brother, ignoring the smaller mans screams and pleas to be let go.

"Of course not, I grew up with you, but please take that thing down to your basement and keep it down there, I need my beauty sleep."

Roman turns to go back into his room, ignoring Janus's screams and Remus's manic giggles.

A smirk comes to Roman's face as he closes the door.

'Surely Remus won't mind sharing, Janus. He'd be a good replacement for Patton...'

[fakeloveaskblog]

Janus, have you and Remus hung out other then when you go to fake therapy? You should ask him out? Keep it open, maybe not outright ask him for a date but to hang out!

(Words: 2140)

Janus: "Oh you know me anon. I am so totally known for asking people to hang out. Yes me and Remus have been eeeverywhere together /s No we have never hung out.......But I suppose you have been very wise so far. So I shall try and go ut of my comfort zone and ask him he would like to spend time together"

They were in that same spot they always stood after the fake therapy. Where they were supposed to part ways. Remus had his phone out, checking the bus times. Janus knew he had to say something now or else yet another week would pass and he would never have the courage to ask.

"Do ehm is you- fuck-" Janus wanted to smash his head open on a rock. He was a idiotic mess who couldn't even say a simple sentence.

"What?" Remus looked at him with a smile. Jan swore he had specifically practiced that smile so it made him melt internally every single time.

"Do you maybe possibly have anything to do today?"

"Oh yeah all booked up with exorcising demons out of old ladies' houses. you know how it is!" He let out a short screechy laugh "Come on Snakey y'know I don't have a job or any plans on robbing banks right now. Of course I'm free!"

"Noted. Then I am totally not asking you to perhaps do something like going to the movies?"

Remus' eyes widened and he shone up into a huge toothy smile "YES!" He grabbed Janus' hand while flapping with his other hand "You gotta be psychic or something! I've been wanting to see this movie made by a director I'm hyperfixating on but I didn't wanna go alone and my sister is still out of town SO this is great!!"

He didn't waste another second. He dragged Janus with him as he began to very quickly walk while continuing to stim.

All Janus could do was stare at their hands. Their palms pressed against each other. His love's thumb brushing up and down his skin. He had never been happier over forgetting his gloves at home.

His cheeks stayed rosy red the entire walk. It was like walking on air. He didn't even realize Remus was still speaking until they got the cinema.

"-And that's why I thought it would have been better if the hamster had died!" He concluded.

".............Fascinating" Janus replied hoping it was a good answer.

"I know right!"

He looked down and realized they were still holding hands. His happy expression instantly dropped as he let go of Janus like he was made of fire.

"Oh fuck buckets! I should have asked if you were okay with like ehhh touch beforehand! Now you're gonna cut my head off!" Remus gasped out.

"Indeed, I do now hate you and I have already hired an assassin to kill you" Janus replied sarcasticly "It's okay, I promise"

Remus let out a breathe of relief in the most cartoon balloon leaking air way possible. "Neat!"

It was 3 pm on a Thursday so there weren't any people in line. Remus didn't even give his friend a chance to pay for his own ticket. He also got a big ass popcorn and a bag of eyeball candies.

He dumped the snacks into the arms of Janus as his eyes caught on a poster on the wall advertising another movie. He jumped up and down while pointing at it, like the excitement was too much to be contained in his body.

"It's my sister! She told me she would be in this one!" The poster didn't show the actresse's face since she had on a cloke to look dark and myserious (tm) "That's her I swear on the last human tooth I have!"

"I believe you. You could be her perfect stunt double"

Remus shoot his arms out "That's what I've been saying too!!! You really are a psychic! Being a stunt double is literally the dream job! I get to pretend to be killed in so many ways! I get to jump off of buildings!! Sadly she mostly does dramas and romances and all that boring stuff"

"Well I for one would love seeing you get stabbed on film" He held his hand over his heart as he said it.

"Omg snakey!! Thank you!! Means a lot!"

He had that wide smile on his lips again. Janus wished he was able to make him smile like that every day.

"Oh the movie is starting soon! Ahhhh exciting! Horror really is the best genre!"

Janus paled "Horror?"

"Yeah! I told you all about the movie on the way here remember? You're okay with horror right?"

"O-Of course! I have watched halloween alien on elm street like 5 times!" He lied.

Remus chuckled "Sure sounds like it"

They went into the screening room. Ads were running on the big screen. They were the only ones there. Remus found their seats right at the back in a corner. He sat down and triumphantly put his feet on the seat in front of him.

"Look at that snakey! We've got the whole room to ourselves! Only...."

His eyes suddenly stopped and shifted to stare out into air. His happy expression slowly disappeared leaving a hollow look on his face. He moved his legs up to his chest and sat completely still.

".....Only us......"

Janus slumped down in the seat next to his. Remus leaned away in his seat so he was further from his friend.

"Indeed. I could poison you and no one would be here to stop me. But I won't...yet" He hoped a joke would make his love lighten up again.

Remus forced a halfhearted smile "Sure that"

The movie started. Janus was already stress eating popcorn from fear by the time the first scene had ended. Which only made him even more stressed over making Remus think he was a fat gluttonous disgusting mess! Which he was! But he didn't want him to know that!!

Whenever he glanced over to Remus he looked just the same, As if the movie was fucking mamma mia or something.

He didn't want to seem unclassy and close his eyes like a 5 year old so he tried to comb his hair in front of his eyes instead. He couldn't stop his racing heartbeat or his unsteady hands though. He didn't do well to loud sounds. Or screaming voices.

He jumped in his chair at an extra gory scare. The popcorn landed all over his body. His cheeks went red enough to be mistaken for a ladybug.

Remus glanced over at him "You don't have to hide that you're scared y'know. The audience reaction is like half the fun"

"Me? Scared? I haven't felt scared since I buried a body in 1967! This is just how I show my appreciation for movies!" He blurted out the lie in a panic.

His love threw his head back as he let out a loud laugh. He couldn't stop as he buried his head in his hands. His shoulders moved in rhytm to his giggles. It seemed to calm his nerves a bit.

"Holy shit snakey that was such a horrible lie! You're such a dork! I say that with affection I promise"

Janus couldn't help but chuckle along "Dork actually means something really dirty. I know since I was practically married to my dictionary when I was youn-"

"WHALE PENIS! I know!! You're the first one who also knows!"

"I suppose that means we're soulmates now" Janus couldn't help but say it.

"Penis soulmates!"

Janus sighed "Yes"

In the movie a man's torso was ripped from his body. Remus flapped his hands. Janus let out a quiet whimper.

"I could infodump a bit if that would make you less scared"

Janus leaned closer to respond but Remus instantly flinched back. He made sure to keep keeping his distance "I would love to hear"

He shone up into a smile. It wasn't quite as carefree and happy as the other ones but it was still his smile and Janus had caused it. It made him feel warm.

He started rambling about the director's other movies and how the themes tied in with this movie. About how the director had studied to be a doctor so he know enough about biology to make all of the gore extra realistic. About how the movie soundtrack's added to the scare even though they were often silly. All while stimming. Sometimes he went quiet to focus on the film while Janus curled in on himself and closed his eyes.

Honestly Janus could have heard him go on for hours but sadly the movie eventually ended. And they eventually got out of the cinema. And eventually the snacks the shared while sitting on a bench outside also ended. And the conversation died out.

It was only around 5 pm but the sky had already started to darken. The streetlamps were getting lit one by one, and a few people were standing in line for the next movie. Janus feared having to say goodbye.

Luckily he didn't have to as Remus quietly asked "Could you like follow me home? The apartement is only 15 minutes and a minor murder spree away"

"Of course!" He replied a bit too excitedly.

He made sure to not walk too close as to not make him flinch again. Remus started to subconsciously hymm on a song after some time of silence. Janus couldn't stop feeling over the moon at the fact that he was hanging out with someone! And he seemed to like him!! And he was in love with him no less!!!

"Snakey I think I gotta admit something kinda dorky-"

"Is it the murder in 1967? We've all been there"

"Actually it was in 1987. Okay but really.....The only friends I've ever really had has been my sister and my ex, and some online friends here and there I guess but we lost contact really quickly. What I mean is that I'm really rusty on this whole friend thing and I'm just glad that you don't get annoyed by my infodumping or stimming or....or the whole me!"

Janus' eyes widened and he slowly let up into a laugh "Oh! Oh I have been so worried for nothing then! I've never had any friends, at all! This was literally the first time I ever went to a movie with another person! We're the same!"

Remus giggled "We really are penis soulmates!"

"I am begging you to not let that become a thing"

"Too late! It already is! We're both friendless dorks you motherfucker!! Of course we're penis soulmates!"

Janus sighed "I am suddenly so glad we are close to your place so I can get away from you.....That was a lie"

Remus lightly punched his shoulder "Better be. Or else I'd have to kidnap you!"

He stopped in front of a series of building of obviously quite glamorous apartements. Janus was honestly starting to wonder if he had a sugar daddy and or sold drugs. Or else he had no idea how he could afford all of this.

They stopped right in front of the entrance. Remus crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Janus fiddled with his sleeves. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye.

Janus shuly glanced at his love's face. His birtmarks which he so wanted to press kisses to. His fluffy hair he would love to nuzzle into. His full lips which he thought about running his finger over every time he looked at them. He was beautiful. Just beautiful.

"Sooo....I guess I will either see you in hell or in fake therapy next week?" Remus asked.

"For sure"

He awkwardly opened the door "Well I will see you then then!" He did fingerguns "Bye penis soulmate!"

Janus rolled his eyes while waving "Bye.....phallus companion!"

The door closed and he was left in the silence. It took a few second and then

"YES! OH I did it! I survived! Aphrodite would be so proud of me!!"

Janus had to sit down. He was going to explode. He couldn't stop moving his hands around. He was going to pass out. He had never been happier. He deserved a whole soup bowl of ice cream.

He took off his beanie to drag his hand through his hair. He felt breathless from happiness as he stared up at the sky. He had never felt more in love.

He looked at where he imagined you would stand if you had a corporeal body.

"So I suppose your advice worked quite well. It did sound like he wanted to hang out again...So anon....or whatever voice that is in my head that asks me things......Do you have any suggestions on what we should do on our next hangout?"

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

An Unlikely Suspect

A Sanders Sides Among Us AU (Semi Janus Centric)

Pairings: Hinted Romantic Prinxiety, Romantic Logicality (might get clarified if I write a follow up), Platonic Virmile, Platonic Moceit, Familial Creativitwins, Platonic Moxiety Trigger Warnings: Character Death (Some semi descriptive), Gore, Light Body Horror descriptions , Remus being Remus, swearing Word Count: ~ 3600 

When an Imposter is found aboard the Skeld, life for the crew is turned upside down. Accusations, betrayals, and too many lies to count, can the crew survive the parasite’s attempt to take over?

[All characters belong to @thatsthat24 , I hope I did them justice ]

--

Life aboard the Skeld had never been easy. 

Even Janus couldn’t lie about that. The work days were long and never ending aboard the flying crapshack (seriously, was health and safety a joke to their superiors back on Earth?!) but no one was prepared for the Imposters.

The crew had treated them as a distant worry when the warning came through communications. The kind of warning that they regarded with a snort, perhaps a retort of “that sort of thing would never happen to us, it only happens to other people”. The same kind of blissful dismissiveness you’d expect when talking about the chances of dying on a rollercoaster, or being caught in the middle of a mass car pile up. 

Complacency, unearned comfort. No one spared more than a passing thought for the Imposters for months..

Then Dr. Emile Picani was found dead at his desk and suddenly the threat was all too real, all too quick. 

With a check of the medical records, once the crew found out one of the scans had come back as an Imposter, accusations had flown all too hastily in the beginning.

“Patton, you were in charge of manning the airlock! Didn’t you check the cargo properly?!”, Roman had accused him, alongside a couple of other crewmates. 

“B-But I did!! I swear!!”, the cyan-clad crewmate had protested, “I checked every single crate-!”

“Sounds sus, I say we make sure he never forgets to check the airlock ever again!”, Remus had all too cheerfully suggested. Thankfully their first in command, Logan, had stepped in to diffuse the argument, “Nonsense. We have very little evidence of any wrongdoing on Patton’s part. There’s only seven of us now, all crewmates will be crucial to our survival. Thus, no one will be taking action against him, or any other crewmate, without my strict approval. Is that clear?”

Aside from disgruntled remarks and some small accusations of favouritism, Logan was in charge, and the only crewmate able to prove his humanity since his medical scan was the only one left with the name undisturbed in haste, and thus was able to keep the crew in order, saving Patton from a horrific execution. 

For three days.

The implementation of a buddy system of sorts had been a flawless plan, allowing Logan to remain the only solo crewmate, checking in on each duo; Patton and Remy manning storage and the medbay, the twins handling waste disposal and electrical matters, and Virgil and Janus managing weapons and navigation systems. A smooth journey, only to be shattered by a blackout. 

Pandemonium had ensued almost immediately; halves of duos unwisely tried to head towards electrical, armed only with their tiny standard issue flashlights, leaving their other halves to try and find them or remain calm in the pitch blackness. Ten minutes felt like an eternity as Remus, with the aid of Janus, finally got the electrical wires properly repaired. The rest of the crew were quick to head towards electrical, hoping to account for everyone. However, a headcount carried the awful realisation that they were one short.

Logan.

Patton was the first to head for security, followed right after by the crew, only to find a gruesome scene. Logan Croft - what was left of him - lay motionless on the floor at the end of a blood trail that led towards the vent across the room. A distraught Patton stayed behind to guard the body alongside Virgil and Remy, while Janus and the twins tried to figure out where the imposter had come in from. Knowing that the vent system capped off certain sections, they only needed to check two other locations; electrical and medbay.

The former came up empty, so Janus led the group to the latter, kneeling down to check the vent and noticing a blood stain at the edge of the vent. A closer inspection revealed the print to be a hand, but the blood was too thick to leave identifiable fingerprints.

“So, the Imposter used the vent to travel here. And the only people who wouldn’t be out of place...”, Roman uttered under his breath. Janus could already hear him and his twin jumping to conclusions.

“Ah yes, jumping to conclusions is always the right answer, without exception.”

Janus hoped his sarcasm got through to them how bad of an idea it was.

“But Jan, look at this shit!”, Remus gestured between the vent and the area next door where Logan’s body was still lying, “There’s blood in the vent and the two fuckers who were in here are stuck with Virgil and the body!! For all we know, we could go back and two of ‘em could be dead-!”

“Alright, alright!”, Janus massaged his temples, thinking it over. 

“... Fine, Remus, call the emergency meeting.”

Without hesitation, Remus made a beeline for the cafeteria’s emergency button. As Janus waited for the teleporter to pick them up, he noticed Roman anxiously running a hand through his hair. “Nervous?”, Janus questioned with a sincerity reserved for tense situations like these.

The red-clad crewmate hummed worriedly, “Just… the thought of Virgil being left with them...”

Janus gave a fond but tired huff, about to reassure Roman when the teleporters built into their suits shifted them to the cafeteria. Thankfully, there didn’t seem to be anyone missing bar Logan, and the previously deceased Dr. Picani. Letting his mismatched eyes roam over towards the trio from security, Dee noticed that each was in a state of shock. Remy seemed to be keeping a stoic mask up but Janus knew those tremors in his palms that came from his reliance on caffeine, one he had been unable to indulge in as desired due to the rationing of supplies. Virgil gnawed his thumbnail while his arm jittered anxiously, probably aching for his anxiety medication more than ever. And Patton….

Patton looked devastated, emotionally and physically so. It was clear he’d been yanking on his hair in distress, and while it wasn’t immediately noticeable, his olivine cheeks bore tear tracks still. 

Janus found himself hoping, praying almost, that Patton could save his skin somehow.

“We found blood in the medbay vent,”, Roman began, snapping Janus out of his thoughts and back to reality. “Which means the Imposter must be Remy or Patton.”

Once kind green eyes tainted with distrust and distress fell on the poor cyan crewmate, “And considering everything up til now…. Patton, I hate to say it…. But you’re-”

“You’re looking pretty fucking sus, Padre!”, Remus finished for his twin. 

Janus could see Patton jolt, the hurt in his features at a once friendly nickname being used so callously felt far too cruel. The yellow crewmate prided himself on being able to see through a rouse, and Patton didn’t show any such signs of deceit, but…

“I-!! I’d never-!!”, Pat gasped, the pain clear, “I could never hurt Logan!! Or Emile, or ANY of you!! Please, I-!”

“Give it up, Pat, you alien bitch.”

Remy’s voice laden with venom and a notable shakiness cut through the words trying to scramble out of Patton’s mouth. “Like, it has to be you. You were in charge of the airlock. You were close enough to them to get at L and Emile. Worst of all, you were the only other person in medbay with me.”, Remy wrung his hands into his black jumpsuit frustratedly, “And when the lights came back on…. You weren’t in the room anymore!”

Patton shook his head, “No, Remy, I-!! I was in the hallway, I couldn’t see you-!”

“Popstar, come on...”, Virgil’s shaky voice came from across the table, “I… I don’t wanna believe it, but we… we have to face the facts here. Logan’s body didn’t show signs of a struggle, so he was probably comfortable with whoever did this. You fit that bill…. You even ran straight to Logan’s body, Pat!! Do you have any idea how suspicious that looks?!”

It all made sense, so much sense, but Janus’ brain still told him it was wrong. That something wasn’t right. 

“But!! But Logan liked being in security!! We all knew that-!!”

“But that still doesn’t explain any of the other evidence!!”, Remus chipped in, looking ready to condemn the poor man. Frantically, Patton looked to Janus. God, he’d never forget that look, the primal fear of death lingering behind terrified light blue. “Janus, please, you know I’m not lying, right?!”

What could Janus do but nod? He believed Patton. It wouldn’t do anything in the long run, but at least the poor man would know someone was on his side.

“I do believe you, Patton. This feels far too ludicrous to-” 

“Jan, you’re a fucking idiot if you believe that bullshit!”, Remus interrupted, “He’s just trying to manipulate you!!”

The conversation abruptly halted as Remus rounded the table, grabbing Patton’s arm, beginning to haul him towards the airlock. The cyan crewmate tried to protest, wriggling to free himself, but Roman and Remy both secured him, sealing his fate,

“PLEASE, PLEASE DON’T DO THIS-!!”

“Just stop, Pat, don’t make this-!”

“NO, LET ME GO, PLEASE, IT’S NOT ME, I SWEAR-!!”

“Shut up, you parasite bastard!!”

Patton struggled for his life against the twins’ strong hold while Remy readied the airlock’s inner door. Janus couldn’t bear to watch, “This is a mistake, you’re going to kill an innocent man, Roman-!”

“Stop, Janus!”, Roman snapped, “We… We can’t afford to turn a blind eye or more of us will die! It’s-! It’s the right thing to do-!”

“You know that’s a lie, do I even need to spell that one out for you-”

“Babes, with all do respect?”, Remy spoke up, opening the inner door and letting the twins toss Patton inside before shutting the door, “Shut the fuck up. Like, this is our chance to stop all this!”

The countdown as Remus set the airlock to open was harrowing, even for the demented twin. The group watched through the reinforced glass window as Patton slammed his fists into the door, his voice silenced by the sound proofing, but his desperation was so palpable no words were needed. For God’s sakes, a man was begging for his life! How could they let this happen? Janus felt Virgil turn away next to him, clearly unable to watch one of their closest friends die.

A surge of righteous justice threw Janus into action. Despite the alarmed voices of the others, he tried desperately to somehow undo the countdown. To somehow get the stupid control panel to cease the damned timer ticking away til Patton would meet his end in the vast nothingness of space. His efforts were for naught. Between the safety programming and the others prying him away, Janus was hauled back just in time to see the outer door open. The force tore Patton into the terrifying cosmic wasteland. 

Just like that, the crew lost Patton Hart. 

Janus felt his ears ring in the sudden silence, feeling like his head had been submerged in ice water. He could hear Virgil sobbing, muffled by what he assumed would be Roman’s shoulder or chest. In his peripheral view, he noted Remus’ green gloved hand clench and release in an effort to calm his nerves, surely. Remy sunk to his knees, not uttering a word edgeways. Human nature would kick in eventually, tell them in the end that they did what they could. That they’d eliminated a threat that took the form of their dear crewmate. But Janus knew. He knew this wasn’t the end, he’d just failed to save Patton’s life. 

Days passed; just two but to Janus and the others, it felt more like two centuries. They’d given Logan’s remains a decent cremation, using the ashes to mix with the plant food in O2. Logan had always wanted to help the planet, and now at least, in a way, he would do just that.

The schedules he’d set the others slowly crumbled. Remy avoided the med bay, “too many awful memories”, he’d said. The twins stuck together more so out of a shared lingering guilt, Janus theorised, still going about their manual tasks, though neither could bring themselves to sing a cheery tune or R-rated space sea shanty about banging an Eldritch Deity. Life aboard the Skeld felt as dead as their former crewmates these days.

Virgil caught up with Janus leaving Navigation; the anxious man had felt far more at ease sticking with his assigned duo partner than being alone. Janus couldn’t fault him. 

“... It’s fucked.”, the lankier man in purple had mumbled, “This whole situation is so, so fucked...”

Janus sighed exhaustedly, “That’s one way to put it, yes.”

The silence was uncomfortable. Neither man usually minded such a thing, but it felt unbearable now. So much so, Janus was thankful as Virgil spoke, “Why’d Dr. Picani have to die?...”.

Both of them were aware of why, but Janus assumed it was rhetorical, a theory confirmed as Virgil continued to mumble, “He was so nice, man. Never pressured me with my medical anxiety or anything, never made me sit through tests that’d freak me out. Helped make me feel secure but... Now nothing feels safe anymore...”

“Indeed, we lost a good man. Several good men.”, Janus felt Virgil cringe beside him, looking away.

“...... I didn’t….”, Virgil huffed, his eyes trained anywhere else but Janus’ face, “I never wanted to… to see Pat like that. He was my friend, Jan! Shit, he was like a father to me! He made me feel welcome when I transferred here but-!!”

A reassuring yellow gloved hand rested on Virgil’s shoulder, “I’m sure he knew, Virgil.”, Janus reassured him, “What’s done is, regrettably, done. Irreversible. We cannot get back those we’ve lost, but we can survive in their name. Let’s just hope that you were all right to stop me-”

Crunch.

The wet crisp crunch of something organic tore Janus from his thoughts. 

“... Did you hear that, Virgil?”

Frozen rigid, Virgil gave a shaky inhale, “I… I don’t think so-”

CRUNCH.

Janus didn’t bother to ask if Virgil heard it that time. He took off down the hallway, headed for the nearest room; Electrical. Virgil’s footsteps began to gain on his own, giving him the reassurance of backup when they reached the doorway. Damn. It was locked. The disgusting wet tearing sounds from inside made his stomach churn, “Virgil… on three.”

Virgil looked mortified at the idea, but he nodded, readying himself as he and Janus got ready to break in the doors. Thankfully for their shoulder joints, the doors opened. Not so thankfully, both men were treated to a horrendous sight. 

The twins had always playfully argued over which of them would come out on top.

It seemed now they had their answer.

Hunched over the remains of his brother was Roman Prince, his red suit absorbing the bloody remains splattered across it, leaving almost no trace. In his hands, Roman held various chunks of flesh torn from his own kin whose lifeless eyes were open wide in a twisted expression of surprise and betrayal. Roman himself had gone rigid, caught like a deer in the headlights, pitch black eyes darting between Janus and Virgil as they sunk back to their familiar emerald green.

“I-! This isn’t-!”

With Virgil unmoving beside him, Janus sprung to action, using their reporting device to activate the teleporter again. He cursed every extra second it took compared to the emergency button, watching as Roman managed to morph and clean himself up before they found themselves once again around the table. Remy’s eyes darted to the empty space Remus had once occupied, 

“.... No. Don’t you fucking tell me...” 

Virgil went to speak but Janus got there first, pointing a deadly determined finger towards Roman, “Roman’s the Imposter!”

Roman stiffened, “Wha-!?”

Janus wasn’t about to let him go free; he had a witness now, and a good chunk of evidence to condemn him with; “Virgil and I walked in on you eating your own goddamn twin! Everything else begins to make sense if it’s you too; the blackout especially, since you were working in electrical. You were also rather vocal with your accusations too, which would make sense considering it took the attention off of you!”

The defeated look in Roman’s dull eyes was the most delicious dessert in existence, seeing the monster look ready to confess, Janus gestured to Virgil, 

“Virgil can back me up, right?!”

Silence.

“.....Virgil? Back me up here-”

“Janus,”, Virgil’s voice was ghostly fearful, his eyes hidden behind the long purple dyed bangs he sported, “Stop lying.”

“.... What?..”, the shiver of fear, bone chilling fear, that rattled through Janus’ marrow and constricted his lungs was a harsh turn from his formerly confident demeanor.

“Roman and I saw you eat Remus, Jan...”

This wasn’t happening.

“We walked in on you tear… tearing him to shreds in electrical…!”

This wasn’t happening…

“Just like you did with poor Logan! And Emile!”

This couldn’t be happening…

“Playing like you were the one who wanted to save Patton when…!! When you were the one who-!!”

Janus’ head swam with nausea. His mismatched eyes finally locked on to Virgil’s, barely visible to Remy, but all too familiar to Janus…

“Disgusting, lying Imposters like you-!!”

Those pitch black eyes that betrayed his glee even as his broken tone relayed the false narrative. 

“Should rot in space!!”

Remy cast his gaze between Roman and Janus, landing on Roman, “Ro, babes, is that true?!”

Roman nodded, dumbfounded, “I-It’s true, he-”

“He tried to get us too,”, Virgil continued, faux shaky voice ringing in Janus’ ears.

Everything made terrifying sense now. 

Virgil, a new transfer from a sister ship, who had his own (likely fabricated) medbay scan on hand and who was too anxious to have Dr. Picani perform a second, making the crew think there was just one Imposter.

Virgil, who would think to tell Roman remove the names on the medical files, even if the red crewmate didn’t do a perfect job.

Virgil, who was close with Patton, and had begun to befriend Logan, earning his trust, leaving him one of the few people who Logan wouldn’t suspect approaching him in the dark.

Virgil, who was smart enough to drag Logan’s top half into the vents and leave a handprint in medbay to frame Patton further. All too willing to throw the poor man under the bus.

Virgil, who stuck close to the only person left smart enough to suspect their scheme, waiting for the right moment to strike when Janus sealed his own fate.

“..... You son of a bitch.”, Janus breathed in disbelief. His anger bubbled to the surface before he could stop it, “YOU SON OF A BITCH-!!!”

Roman and Remy’s arms wrapped themselves around Janus’ arms and body, holding him still while all he could do was writhe, “What do we do now, babes?”

Virgil answered Remy’s question with a firm, faux anxious reply, “The airlock..”

Janus’ heart stopped in his chest.

“We… We had to lose Patton that way so…. So it’s only fair the REAL Imposter goes that way too!!”

He didn’t go without a fight. Janus made damn sure of that. The alien bastards wouldn’t get the satisfaction of him going quietly. He clawed at Roman’s face, ignoring the parasite’s tightening grip on his arm to the point he thought perhaps it would break. He spat hellfire and vitriol at Virgil who watched from a distance, content to let the smirk he’d been hiding show now that Remy couldn’t see. 

Oh god, Remy. Janus tried desperately to appeal to the last true human left, 

“Remy, you HAVE to listen to me, they’re not human, both of them are-!”

But Remy didn’t listen, following Roman’s lead of tossing Janus once more into the airlock. Fortunately, Janus had been able to hold onto his helmet as the door closed, sealing his - and by extension, Remy’s - fates. Trapped and waiting for death, he locked eyes with Remy who looked as sincere and guilt ridden as expected. Is this how Patton felt? So helpless and scared to die? Janus felt almost guilty knowing his suit still had a full canister of oxygen left to last him…. Hours? Maybe a day? Then he’d be at the mercy of space the way Patton was without his helmet to protect him. 

As the countdown reached 15 seconds, Janus watched helplessly as Virgil gestured to give Remy a hug. The way Remy accepted the arms of death only for Virgil’s stomach to split and devour the poor man tore the last of Janus’ resolve to shreds. 

With the countdown reaching zero, Janus Dolion faced the two Imposters watching him with a smug sense of glee, flipping them both the double bird as the outer door opened... 

--

The Imposter couple watched Janus be sucked into the vacuum of space with a sick sense of victory. They’d done it; the Skeld was theirs and theirs alone. Of course, that was until a rescue ship could come for them and the cycle would start over again. The thought alone was intoxicating.

“... I’m sorry.”, Roman murmured from beside Virgil who’d already taken to fabricating injuries they could use to trick the rescue party. The purple suited alien snorted, wiping the last of Remy’s blood from his mouth, “What for, Prince Parasite?”

The crimson clad Imposter scoffed affectionately. 

“I nearly got us caught.”, Roman’s suit growled, “I was just… so hungry…!”

Virgil softly wrapped his arm around Roman, gently caressing his beautiful jawline with a softness no hostile alien parasite should be able to use. 

“It’s fine, you drama queen. We still did it,”, he grinned, shark toothed and infectious going by Roman’s own razor smile, “Now you just have to put those impressive acting skills to use once I call in a rescue ship.”

“Aww, you think my acting is impressive?”, Roman’s chest puffed up in pride.

Were they not standing right next to a pile of gore that has once been a fellow crewmate, Virgil figured the starry look in Roman’s blackened eyes would have been endearing. Adorable even. Instead, the Imposter rolled his eyes, they still had work to do after all. There’d be plenty of time to properly celebrate later..

“Shut up, Roman... ” --

Man that got dark fast...

I hope you guys still enjoyed it and that the reveal was nice and shocking~!

If you like this, I’ll write some supplimentary stuff, perhaps some fluff prequel snippets, and perhaps a little sequel? 

Idk yet, but I hope this was a good read.

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom @patton-cake @does-this-look-logicality-to-you @justalittlecorrupted @irritating-lady-knight @katlikethesword @ali_is_lazy 

[logan-is-noggin]

Anxious beauty- Part 1

word count: 1512

Roman opened the microwave door and pulled out the bag of popcorn and poured the buttery contents into a large bowl. Along with a bag of chips he grabbed the two bowls and walked into the kitchen to see Patton hunched in front of the TV.

" padre, why isn't the DVD in yet?" Patton turned around " it is, but the DVD player doesn't seem to want to turn on, it's also not letting me take it out, it's stuck. Sorry Roman."

In dramatic princely fashion Roman fell to his knees, Patton caught the snacks out of his hands.

" how will we have movie night now?"

" I can grab my laptop and my copy of the movie." Roman shrugged " it just won't be the same, we can't appreciate the epic battle scenes from the tininess of a laptop."

Patton then snapped his fingers " what if I tell the story, like one of those old fashion storytellers"

"I still don't know..." Roman said unsure.

" you can be Prince Phillip." Patton bargained.

No sooner than said Roman was on the couch, a handful of popcorn in his mouth. " start from the beginning."

" no better place to start" Patton laughed.

there once were two kings from opposite kingdoms across the water. the two monarchs, king Thomas and king Emile were the best of allies and friends. they dreamed of the day that they could unite their kingdoms as one.

happily, a prince and heir was born to Thomas. soon a celebration and holiday was named in honor of young prince Virgil. many royals and nobles traveled to pay homage. many bringing gifts for the new royal. among the attendees, king Emile and the five year old prince roman.

Thomas stood before his throne and commanded the rooms attention. " honored guests. on this day of my sons dedication, let it be known that my son and young prince roman are here-forth betrothed. when they come of age they shall wed and unite my and king Emile's kingdoms."

the audience celebrated at the news. a fanfare sounded throughout the room and from the light shining down through the stain glass window sparkles twinkled and soon formed into three creatures cloaked in green, blue and yellow. when they touched down they bowed to the kings. the yellow fairy spoke for the group. "we each have come to bestow upon the prince with a gift that will help aid him through his life."

Janus, the yellow fairy  approached the gray bassinet where the prince slept. he pulled his wand from his pocket and waved it. golden sparks flew from the tip. " young prince. my gift to you is great wisdom and wit. when you ascend to the throne may you rule with the knowledge as your father did before you" the prince blinked and yawned as he awoke as Remus, the green fairy peered over. "Little royal, my gift is the gift of great boldness and cunning in battle! may you lead your armies into many victories and success follow all your days."

the blue fairy stepped forward and reached a hand in and tickled the babies tummy, making him giggle. " sweet prince, my gift is.."

but Patton was stopped by the explosion of the double doors slamming open and a large gale sweeping through extinguishing all the candles on the chandeliers. when the smoke cleared enough they saw the dark fairy Logan.

" why am I the villain in the story Patton?" Roman bit back a scream , throwing the mostly empty popcorn bowl into the air. "Do not creep up on me like that!" Roman demanded

" I've been standing here listing for the last five minutes. And I ask again, why did you make me the villain?"

C'mon Logan, maleficent is the most powerful being in the story, and I'm sure you wouldn't rather be one of the fairies taking care of the baby in the movie."

He nodded to himself " that is a fair point. Carry on Patton." He said taking a seat next to Roman on the couch.

Logan held onto a staff with a swirling blue orb on the top of it. Thomas stepped forward. " w-what brings you here Logan?" The fairy slowly strolled around the room. " I had just been in the area and heard all the celebration. Upon closer inspection I see that those three were invited to give the Prince a gift. To be honest your highness, I was hurt that I too hadn't been invited."

"You weren't wanted" Remus called out. Janus clapped his hand over the green ones mouth.

Thomas quivered " an over sight I can assure you Logan. If I had known you wanted to come of course I would have invited you. It's just in the past I know you aren't the type for large crowds of people."

" I accept your apology. And to prove it, I too shall give a gift to your son." Logan stretched his arms out and slammed his staff down with a loud crash.

" listen well. the gifts given to the benevolent prince thus far are all well and good. but hear me. Virgil shall spend all his days haunted by a lingering fear wherever he shall go. he will never truly be able to rule with a mighty hand. and he will only escape this fear by the kiss of death!"

Thomas had scooped his son into his arms as he shouted for the sorcerer to be arrested for threatening his sons life. but Logan waved his staff and more smoke and lightning emitted from the end as he used his magic to make his escape.

hours later, all the guests had left a Thomas's request. leaving the fairies alone with the monarch.  Thomas, still holding his son in his arms, paced back and forth.

" isn't there something your powers can do to annul this curse?"

"I'm afraid not sire." Janus spoke. " he's much stronger than us because he has trained for much longer and he possesses dark magic. he's not afraid to break the rules or even write his own."

Remus smoothed his mustache on his lip " but, there could be a way to help."

"how?" Thomas asked. the others looked over as if asking the same.

" little blue here never got a chance to bestow his gift to the little sprite. maybe there's something you can do."

"I cant undo Logan's spell," he said sadly. " not undo it, but perhaps find a way to make it bearable. find a loophole."

Patton sighed a deep breath and approached the king, he held his arms out, a request. Thomas transferred Virgil into his arms. with his wand, he showered the baby with light harmless sparkles that he reached out and tried to grab.

"  little prince" Patton cooed. " while the wicked Logan had decreed one fate for you, i decree another path. yes while fear may follow you, it will be so you air on the side of caution in all you do. you will be happy and comfortable where you feel safe, with those you are familiar with. and instead of death freeing you from fear. you will fall into a deep sleep where the only thing to wake you shall be true love's kiss."

////

the following days the fairies tarried at the palace, Patton was often found with the baby in his arms, rocking and entertaining the prince to keep him happy.  even with pattons addendum to the curse, the king still feared for his young son. one time after handing Virgil to the wet nurse, Patton rushed off in search of his compatriots. he found them leaning against one of the balconies overlooking a courtyard. they noticed their friend behind them, out of breath from running, leaning forward to rest his hands on his knees.

" slow down blue, what's the rush? are the king and prince okay?" Patton nodded furiously as he calmed his breathing. " it's nothing like that. I just had an idea about how to keep the prince safer!" he shared excitedly. Remus smiled as he shoved Patton playfully " don't keep us in suspense baby blue? spill."

once they were safely tucked away in a corner, Patton told them his plan. at first, Janus was hesitant. " really Patton? stealing a baby? especially the prince! I'm pretty sure that's treason."

" no, obviously we have to get his highness's approval first. and it's not forever obviously. just until after his sixteenth birthday so the curse is void. once his plans are foiled he- won't be able to intrude on Virgil's life and he can live it the way he was meant to."

" but blue, we don't know anything about raising a baby," Remus commented. Patton assured them " that's what I'm here for. I can teach you both easily. so, will you help me?"

Janus and Remus exchanged glances then back at Patton more sure. " we're in."

PART 2:

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)

[d4rk3stn1ght]

My Love

Happy Holidays @missfay49 ! I was your gift giver this year for @sanderssidesgiftxchange and hope you enjoy your gift. Well the final one. I had some interesting ideas for yours with the list I was given and still have the drafts of them. Anyway enjoy!

Notes: Remus goes by it/its pronouns. Logan’s pronouns in this fic are star/stars. Janus goes by they/them. Roman’s just plain he/him

Ships: Roceit, background Intrulogical 

The masquerade ball, a perfect time for anyone to talk with the princes. The castle was alight with people from all over the kingdom attempting for his hand despite his disdain against things like this. He had actually fallen for someone but it would not fit with his parent’s agenda. So here he was beside his sibling, looking across the room of people. This was his scene but he has never felt so unwelcome. Girls in dresses fawning over him while closeted men watched him in awe. The straight jealous men glared at him as their girlfriends or wives watched with want. Prince Roman sighed heavily. 

His sibling was not fit for the throne so it was allowed to have the person it wanted, the royal scientist Dr. Logan Omair. Currently Logan was talking with a few other scientists but as soon as the ball truly started Remus would take star away to the labs to be given another experiment to try. Remus had become the doctor’s personal lab rat as long as it wouldn’t cause any physical damage or permanent disfiguration. Remus’ mask was black with dark green along with its outfit. It was wearing the ring to show it was currently unavailable.

Roman was jealous his sibling could have who it desired while he had to deal with the crowd of fake people. His own love would be killed for being here. They could change forms due to magic but were often referred to as the Dragon Witch. The one he was supposed to kill to maintain peace for generations to come. He sighed before spotting a familiar black and gold dress. It couldn’t be. The mask hid half of their face that was the same colors as the dress, elegant. He chuckled fondly at seeing them but refrained from moving just yet, even though his being screamed at him to go to them. They moved a gloved hand to their lips with a smile before heading out to the balcony. Roman nodded at the hint while looking towards his parents to have them begin the ball.

Once the announcement was made Roman dashed to the balcony where his love was waiting.

“Jan,” he spoke fondly at almost a whispers volume.

“Lovely to see you here my prince.”

“What are you doing here?” He moved his hands to take their’s.

“Are you complaining?” They tease gently.

“No, I’m just worried for you my dear,” Roman states sincerely.

“I know, but I can handle my own. Care to dance?”

“Only with you. Thank you for coming,” he moved to pull them into a gentle dance to the music flowing from inside.

“Of course. I couldn’t leave you here to fend for yourself against these hungry wolves,” they smile gently, “they would tear my poor handsome prince to shreds if I weren’t here.”

“I am not defensless!” Roman squaked indignatly at the insult.

“Here you are,” they state gently to ease the insult.

“No-”

“My dear you don’t have your sword and your guard is down.”

He sighed but pressed his forehead to theirs dejectedly, “I hate it when you’re right.”

“You love me anyway and I love you for everything you are,” they moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead.

Roman’s face tinted pink, “don’t start this tonight. I don’t want to be flustered or as red as my sash by the end of this evening.”

“I think you look dashing either way.”

“My love, please?”

“Perhaps some other time then?” They ask quietly.

“In my chambers or your place.”

“My how scandalous,” Janus teases in a laugh.

His face heats up as he almost yells, “not like that!”

“I’m only teasing, my sweet prince,” they move slightly closer to gently lay their head against his shoulder, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Roman returns mournfully.

“I missed having you beside me and the sweet tender moments before you had to leave me again.”

“Yes… though should I tell my parents I have chosen then we can have that more often.”

“Yes, I will also get to meet this sibling of yours that you rant so often about.”

He groans, “oh no. Double the magical trouble.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Janus almost grins at the idea.

“Make it triple.”

“Excuse me?”

“Logan would want to know.”

“Star already does,” they hum before kissing his jaw affectionately.

“What?” He looks at them with pure confusion and shock.

“Star isn’t completely human either, my sunlight.”

“That would explain a lot…”

Janus chuckles slightly, “I wish we could go to the garden.”

“Soon. I promise.”

“You need to tell your parents,” they remind him.

“I know. I’m not excited to listen to the complaints that I didn’t dance with everyone,” he shudders at the thought.

“It’s polite though,” Janus points out.

“That doesn’t make it any better to deal with.”

“I know but at least try.”

“I will. I will try but I cannot promise anything.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he moves one of their hands to his lips to gently kiss their knuckles. He sets it back in the form as he led the next dance.

“Don’t want to let go?” They tease again.

“I really don’t,” Roman admits, ”I prefer having you in my arms to admire as we talk about our future or even just dance together. I would rather stay here with you and be able to kiss you again and again until we’re breathless. I want to wake up with you in my arms and not have to worry about you being hurt or killed. I like this. I want this. I want you.”

“Shhhh my love,” they cup his face gently with the mask hiding most of the small blush, “I know. Soon you will have that and more. You will get to wake up every morning with me by your side. I love you and you have me. However, think of this like a game. I am the treasure at the end but you need to dance your way out.”

“Are you serious?” He looks at them with a stranger look.

“Is it working?”

“Yes. I will see you soon my dear but I’m sure my mother will be here soon to talk to you. Be careful please,” Roman tries to puppy eye Janus who only chuckles at it.

“I will. You go have fun. I will be right here awaiting your return,” they put a hand to their forehead, mocking the girls inside and laughing at the motion. 

“Thank you,” they state before walking to the smaller gazebo in the middle of the garden before exhaling slowly. Tonight had been very stressful for them and it was almost over. They sat on one of the benches and watched the breeze blow through the rose bush. The garden was beautiful, much better than anything Roman could’ve ever described. Their favorite flower growing nearby Roman’s made it seem all the more romantic to them. It couldn’t ever beat the privacy of the meadow but it definitely topped the wildflowers. They looked up to the sky with a peaceful smile. The stars seemed to shimmer even brighter tonight but that might be due to the love and hope their heart felt.

They shake their head before looking over the balcony with a gentle sigh. Janus startled slightly at someone leaning against it beside them. They stood up and looked at their new guest, “oh, apologies, your majesty.”

“No need dear. My son seemed happier to dance with you.”

“Yes, I’ve seen him quite often lately.”

“Is he unhappy?” She asks with concern.

“With you or your husband? No. He just dislikes the tradition,” they try to ease her worries

“Ah, he’s stated that. You must be Jan then.”

“Yes ma’am,” Janus stiffens slightly before relaxing. Queen Rosa wouldn’t know.

“It’s lovely to meet you finally. I’m sure he’ll tell us that you’re the one soon.”

“I told him to try and dance with a few others,” they shake their head with a sigh.

“He has his heart set on you dear.”

“I know and I am happy for such but I would think he would still be polite,” they sigh exasperatedly.

“He’s trying but most here don’t know how to dance,” the comment from the Queen made them both giggle.

“That is true. I was pulled into one by a male that seemed to have two left feet,” they wince at the memory. They’ll need to ice their feet later but so would Roman.

“Where did you learn to dance?”

“Your son taught me mostly but also books and other ways to learn.”

“Fast learner?”

“Of course. Not as fast as Dr. Omair however.”

“Yes, that boy can learn things within five minutes of seeing whatever it is,” she shakes her head fondly at the memory.

“It’s commendable.”

“Yes it is. If you need anything at all you can come to me.”

“Thank you for the offer.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sure you’d like to wait in the garden for him,” Queen Rosa teases them slightly.

“If you don’t mind,” they sheepishly say.

“Of course not. The guard will take you there,” she motions one over, “take good care of him for me?”

“Of course. Thank you for your blessing,” Janus curtseyed their goodbye to the Queen.

She gave a nod before walking back to her husband. Janus followed the guard through the castle. They muttered a spell to check on the thoughts of the guard that held no malice towards them. They didn’t know about Jan being the dragon witch just yet. The guard stopped at the edge of the garden and motioned them in.

Janus sighs softly. What was taking him so long? There weren't any shots or explosions. Were the people inside refusing to leave? What was going on? They started to mutter another spell when the garden gate opened. They whipped around with a dagger and held it up against someone’s throat.

“Yes, a surprise. Not bad I promise,” Roman quickly adds on when he noticed the worry.

“Roman?”

“Your reaction time is getting quicker,” he chuckles before pointing the dagger away from his throat, “sorry it took me so long.”

Jan gives a huff of a laugh before hugging him tightly, “you blocked my spell.”

“I know! I didn’t think I could do that!” Roman excitedly exclaimed.

“Why did you block me? I thought something happened,” Jan hesitantly admits in a mutter.

“I couldn’t let you ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise?” They looked up at him from where they were holding him.

“I’m sure it can wait a little bit longer.”

“It can,” he started swaying them side to side as he hummed the previous song. Janus started humming along as they closed their eyes. Roman’s heartbeat was quick but steady but it helped just listening. He was okay, nothing happened. They let themselves relax slowly. Their shoulders slowly lowered from their tense posture as Roman continued to hum softly.

“Feel better?” Roman asks softly after a while.

“Mhm,” Jan confirms, “you still have a lovely voice.”

“Well thank you my love.”

“You said you had a surprise for me.”

“Darn. I thought I gave you enough time to forget.”

“Not this time,” they tease tiredly.

“Alright but you gotta let go.”

“Not yet,” they tighten their grip.

“Jaaan,” he whines.

“No. Suffer,” Janus jokes.

“You’re so mean to me,” Roman playfully pouts.

“I am not,” they gently booped him with a sleepy giggle.

“You’re sleepy.”

“Yes, but I won’t sleep until you tell me what the surprise is,” Janus stubbornly says.

“Then let go.”

“Fine,” they hesitantly let go of their lover who immediately moved to one knee with the ring and a smile.

“Oh you-” Jan cuts themselves off.

“Janus, my love, my stars, my everything ever since that one fateful day where you saved me from another dragon’s attack I knew you were the one. You have been nothing but loyal and real. You never let my title get in the way and you helped me see that there is good. Thank you for being here with me and by my side ever since that day. And I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Janus gave him a small teary smile, “of course I will marry you.”

Roman’s smile brightens as he slips the ring onto their finger and kisses them deeply that they happily return even when swept off their feet, not for the last time.

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

When Darkness Turns to Light - chapter 6

Description: Patton just wants to have one (1) nice dinner, is that too much to ask?

Relationships: platonic moceit mostly, platonic DLAMP, but like, half of them are still arguing ya know. 

Characters: Patton, Janus, Roman, Virgil, Logan. 

Warnings: negative self talk, arguing, lots of angst

let me know if anything needs tagging- or a better way of warning for stuff im still learning!

all characters in this fic are sympathetic, but they are not always paragons of good people! they are complicated and have complicated histories that are reflected in the way they treat each other

first chapter

previous chapter // next chapter

A band aid on a broken heart

 It’s been over a month since the wedding, and gradually things are returning to normal. Or… something like normal anyway.

They’ve fallen into new routines at meal times, and Patton finds comfort in them, even if it isn’t quite the same as it was before. He supposes though, that the same as before maybe shouldn’t be what he’s aiming for.

Virgil and Roman never come to breakfast anymore, and so it’s become a time for Patton, Logan and Janus to plan schedules. Not that Patton has much to contribute, but he enjoys the excuse to hang out with the two of them. he loves they way they light up while they debate, a fire igniting in their eyes that Patton has never really taken to time to appreciate before.

At lunch time Patton puts out a spread of sandwiches, and the other sides filter in and out of the kitchens, rarely stopping to talk. It’s the most familiar part of the day if he’s being honest. One time Logan walked in with his nose stuck in a book, didn’t look up, and Patton pushed a sandwich into his hand as Logan had grasped around the plate looking for one. He walked out again without saying anything, only a nod to even acknowledge that he had even noticed the other side’s presence. Patton’s heart had swelled. It was the most normal scene he had been in in a long time. after all of the awkward stumbling around each other and the stunted polite conversation, it was nice to just be comfortable existing in each other’s space.

Dinnertime has been… hit and miss. Two weeks ago he had gotten the courage to go around and knock on everyone’s doors and tell them he was making dinner and, well it could have gone worse. Roman came down, although he hadn’t spoken to them. Logan had sat with a Hanji book for the entire dinner, and Virgil had almost immediately fled the scene, barely even touching his food. As for the other two, well… Janus had assured Patton that Remus would not eat regular food, and he shouldn’t invite him, but he had still felt bad for not calling him to dinner. As for Janus himself, well he had said it was a “bad idea”. Patton hadn’t liked that answer, but Janus assured him he should be focusing on smaller goals first, rather than trying to repair Janus’ relationships with the other sides.

Since then, Patton had had varying levels of success. Some nights only Logan would show up, very rarely he would manage to get all of them into the kitchen, though it never lasted long.

One time Remus showed up and well… they had silently, and mutually, agreed not to talk about that night. The first time he had managed to coax Janus downstairs with promises of pasta and wine it had devolved into a hissing match between him and Virgil. So, better than Patton had expected.

Patton stirs the pot of pasta, wondering absentmindedly how many people will be coming for dinner. He always makes enough for seven, although he knows they’ll never have a full table. he opens the lid of the second pot, and gives the sauce a quick stir before turning it down to a simmer. Behind him someone makes a noise of deep contentment. Patton smiles. “Wow Jan, I would have never guessed you had such n-oodles of love for pasta. Tell me, is it the ravi-only way to your heart?” he sneaks a glance back at Janus to see he reaction, but the other side catches his eye with a smirk. Patton looks back at the pot too quickly to see the soft smile that crosses Janus’ face as he shrugs.

“I lived exclusively on microwave meals and chicken nuggets for the past thirty years. Can you blame me?” Janus sidles up to Patton, batting his eyes innocently as he sneaks some food out of the pot. Patton fixes him with an aghast look.

“Have you ever tried cooking with Remus?” Patton shudders at the thought. “As I said,” Janus continues. “the less chance for things to go wrong, the better.” Patton isn’t sure if he should smile or grimace at Janus, but before he can decide the door to the kitchen opens.

“Roman!” Patton cries excitedly. It’s been a couple of days since Roman last made it down to dinner. Patton wants to check in on him, see how he’s doing, talk about what he’s working on, but Roman hasn’t exactly been wanting to talk lately. “Food’s almost ready,” He says instead. “I’m making your favourite, tagliatelle!” He fixes Roman with his brightest and best dad smile, but Roman’s returning one is tight and artificial. Patton tries not to let it get to him, keeping up the happy attitude. He can feel Janus frowning at him.

Moments later, Logan comes into the room; latest read tucked under one arm. He tidies the table, but doesn’t set it. Seeing all of the empty setting had started getting to Patton, so now people just get their plates as they turn up.

Patton stars piling bowls, Roman first, then Logan, then Janus. As he’s about to fill his own he hears quiet movement, and a hush falls over the room. He forces himself not to freeze in place, instead smiling brightly at Virgil, careful not to be too loud.

“Virgil!” He beckons the side over. “Good to see you, pasta?”

Virgil hesitates, taking in the room. Janus smirks a him, and Patton spots the beginnings of what will rapidly become another petty and pointless argument. He shoots a look at the other side. Janus rolls his eyes, but takes his seat without another word.

Shoving his hands into his hoody pockets, Virgil quietly makes his way to Patton. “Sure. Sounds great.” Patton tried to keep his excitement on the inside; it’s the most that Virgil has said aloud in days.

Taking his bowl with a nod of thanks, Virgil takes a seat at the table as far away from Janus as possible, finding Logan levels of literalism in the phrase “on the edge of his seat”. Patton attempts to start a casual conversation around the table, asking Logan about the book he’s reading. As Logan lights up and begins mapping out the plot of the book, the mood lightens up a little. At one point Patton could swear he even sees Virgil smile. This all comes crashing down about halfway through dinner, when Logan asks Roman what he’s working on.

Patton sees Roman’s smile falter and slip off of his face, and it feels like a punch to the gut. Virgil tenses up across the table, but Roman just tries to dismiss the question with a wave of a hand.

“Oh you know, this and that,” he murmurs. “You’ll see it when it’s finished.” Logan frowns, but doesn’t push the matter further. Janus seems to have other ideas.

“If you’re having creative block, ignoring it is definitely going to help.” Patton winces, but Janus is making steady eye contact with Roman now, and it’s evident that he sees this as a battle worth fighting.

“What, me? Creative block?” Roman is louder now, pulling in some swagger that Patton has barely seen in weeks. “Foul fiend I- I am the embodiment of Creativity!” He sputters as he speaks. “Or course no such thing could happen to me!”

“Do you forget who I am?” Janus asks quietly. His voice barely a whisper in the wind, as though it were simply an exasperated afterthought. Before Roman can reply, he continues pushing. “Great, you definitely haven’t already had the talk about what a good idea it is to wait for an idea to be perfect before presenting it.”

“Hah! What would you know about creativity, Lie Mis?” Roman stands, waving his arms and shouting, before turning away from Janus, His voice cracks as he speaks, and Patton’s heart flutters nervously, unsure how to defuse the situation.

“Hey Kiddos,” he says. “How about we all just take a breather and stop for a moment-”

“No!” Roman shouts. “I can see that you clearly don’t need me here.” His voice hitches, and Patton feels frantic. “Since apparently he knows everything I’ll just, just-”

“Roman! That’s not true!” Patton stands at the table, and moves to reach for Roman, but the other side flinches away.

“Because everyone here is such an expert in what’s true,” he mutters.

“Roman,” Patton realises with some surprise that it’s Janus speaking, his voice softened as he lets out a gentle sigh. “I’m not-” they don’t get to hear the rest of the sentence, as Roman cuts him off with a harsh laugh.

“I don’t need any more of your lies, Deceit.” Then he sinks out. A silence echoes around the room, palpable enough to be deafening. Patton looks over at Janus, but whatever vulnerability he hard in his voice moments ago is gone, replaced with a cold hard nothing. His expression an unreadable marble.

“Well, I think that went well,” he says airily, continuing to eat. Across the room Virgil hisses at him, teeth bared. Janus simply raises an eyebrow at him. Patton isn’t sure if it’s a question or a challenge.

“Can you for once in your fucking miserable existence just fucking-” Virgil waves a hand in the air, unsure how to finish his sentence, or perhaps hoping to pull the words from the air. “Not be you!” he stands in place, shaking with anger.

“Oh?” Deceit says, smiling lazily. “And who would you like me to be?” He holds up a hand as though to snap his fingers.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Virgil grinds out, his teeth gritted. Absently, Patton wonders if Virgil has fangs. He’s never notices them before. “You can’t just… lie, all the time, and expect people to trust you!”

Janus huffs out a breath, almost a laugh, almost… something else. “Because the truth has always gone so well for me in the past.” It’s quiet, quiet enough that Patton can hardly be sure Janus meant to say it at all.

In response Virgil simply bares his teeth again. “Like you’ve ever even tried it,” he hisses. Then he’s gone.

Patton stands, his eyes wide. He fights back tears, instead straightening up, trying to pull himself together.

“I’m, I’m going to go- go check on Virgil,” he says, fighting a wobble in his voice.

“You won’t be able to find him,” Janus replies. “Not if he doesn’t want to be found,”

“Well,” Patton clenches his fist, then relaxes. “I have to try anyway. If he does want me, I’ll be there,” just barely perceptible, he could swear he sees Janus flinch.

---

In the end Janus is right. Virgil is nowhere to be found. At one point he thinks he sees his door at the end of a hallway, but by the time he reaches it it’s gone. He lets out a cry of frustration. Normally he loves the mind palace, with it’s sprawling corridors and nonsensical patterns. If you aren’t paying attention you can walk for hours without running into anyone else.

Normally, this doesn’t work against him. when he’s looking for someone, he finds that his feet naturally take him where he needs to go. But Virgil seems to have mastered the shifting halls, and folded himself away in a corner that Patton isn’t sure how to access.

When he returns to the kitchen, he’s surprised to find Janus and Logan still there, in the middle of cleaning up after dinner.

“Oh, I was just about to get to-” but Janus interrupts him with a wave of his hand.

“It’s no trouble.”

“He thought you might need the break,” Logan adds. Janus glares at him, and Patton suppresses a smile.

“I did not say-”

“You implied, did you not?” Logan asks inquisitively. “I have been studying your dialogue, and you said-”

“There’s no need!” Janus shouts, with panic evident. The laugh that Patton has been squashing down bursts out, and Janus turns away; furiously scrubbing at the dishes in the sink.

“Fascinating,” Logan breathes. “Is only half of your face capable of blushing?” he asks, ducking his own head to get a better look at Janus’ face. “What exactly is your biology like? Are you in fact part snake, or is it appearance only? Thomas did imply…” Logan continues muttering to himself about biology, but Patton doesn’t understand any of it. He’s just happy to see that the other two sides are getting along.

Janus moves away hurriedly as he places the last dish on the drying rack, pulling off his gloves. Patton frowns.

“Janus,” he begins carefully. “Were you wearing those gloves… over your other gloves?”

“No.” Janus moves into the front room, sitting on the sofa with a thump to sulk. Patton suppresses another giggle.

Logan and Patton share a rare smile, before Logan clears his throat and announces his exit, already absorbed in his book once more before he’s even left the room.

Patton takes a seat next to Janus, and the two of them sit together in silence for a while. Janus has produces a crossword from somewhere in his cape, and is dutifully filling it in while Patton hums a tune to himself as he looks through his box of movies. It’s nice, and the quiet is only broken but Patton’s occasional suggestion of film, always swiftly followed by a sharp rejection.

The two sides have yet to actually watch a film together, though this has become something of a regular occurrence between the two of them. regular enough for Patton to know that Janus never actually solves the puzzles he brings. He does however find rather interesting solutions that definitely are not the intended answer. He always says that he simply has “his own interpretation of the rules”.

Patton finds himself knowing all sorts of little details about the other side, he realises. He knows that his favourite food is breakfast, whenever it isn’t supposed to be eaten. Pancakes at 2am, eggs and toast for lunch… and so on. He knows the other side is remarkably well read, and has a fondness for face masks, though he himself doesn’t use them. Patton’s skin has never felt clearer though. Janus is excellent at nail varnish, but terrible at applying makeup. However-

“27 dresses?” Patton tries.

“Ah yes, the love interest in that film isn’t creepy at all.” Janus rolls his eyes.

-He still hasn’t figured out what kind of TV the other side watches. Patton sighs in defeat, pushing the box away from himself for the evening. So far the chick flick category has turned out to be a total bust, and he’s ready to give up on it. he’s beginning to have strong suspicions that maybe Janus likes the types of movies that Patton doesn’t like at all, but he won’t be deterred.

“Hey, Janus,” he starts softly, but he can already see the other side tensing up. “About earlier-”

“I’m not apologising to Roman,” he replies shortly. Yeah, Patton pretty much saw that one coming.

“I wasn’t going to ask you to.” Janus looks over at him now, eyes narrow. “I just…” despite all of the time Patton has spent looking for the right way to go about the conversation, he still finds himself at a loss for words  “Wondered if… maybe you could talk? If you could get to know each other-”

“He doesn’t want to get to know me,” Janus sighs. “I’m not going to just keep on-” he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of breath. Patton wants to know, but he resolves not to push him.

“Maybe if-”

“If what?” Janus looks up, exasperated. “No matter what I do, Roman has already resolved to hate me. Same with Virgil. There is nothing I could possibly do to change their minds.” There’s a bitter sort of anger in his voice, that Patton hasn’t heard before. Not the biting sharpness of when he explodes at roman, not the playful tone he took in the courtroom. There’s a melancholy to it, but resigned. Patton isn’t really sure who it’s directed at.

“I mean, the arguing can’t help though.” Patton pushes.

“It’s better than the alternative.” Janus voice softens, almost sad. Hurt? Patton reaches out a hand to lay on Janus’ shoulder, but he shakes it off. Patton finds he’s thoroughly lost his footing in the conversation, unsure of what Janus is trying to say anymore, but not yet ready to make the final push to ask.

Janus doesn’t leave, but it’s clear that he’s done with the conversation. He picks up his book, turning a new page and beginning again. There are so  many questions bouncing around in Patton’s head. He doesn’t even know where to begin to unravel the mess he’s in. He wonders what happened between Virgil and Janus, he wants to know their history, as it becomes more and more evident that they have one. How did they get here? Whenever Janus talks about Virgil, it’s almost as though he’s talking about someone entirely different. Patton doesn’t know how to reconcile the two thoughts in his head.

He doesn’t ask though. instead, the two of them stay that way for the rest of the evening; silent in each other’s company. They’re both all too familiar with being alone to willingly submit to it again. not that either one of them would ever say it. maybe some things don’t need to be said, Patton thinks. Maybe that isn’t the point. Some days it can be enough just to exist near each other

---

sorrry, i meant to have this up yesterday, but then i slept in till like 4pm and then did baking sooooo

not really quite happy with this chapter yet? but this is as good as it gets for now, so hope you like it let me know what you thought! 

tags: @booklover223 @god0fspoons @cemmy @selenechris @sweet-hibiscus-tea-art

let me know if you want to be tagged! 

[daroamine]

Lumos Maxima

so, i wrote a random little thing and there is absolutely no plot, just,,, words. read it if you’d like, but if not, absolutely valid. you’re not exactly missing out.

summary:

Logan is ready to relax, and destress in one of his favourite ways. Oh also, they have a movie night. That's it.

II fic has proper capitalization II

ao3 link

Logan settled into his bed with a sigh, preparing for his 37th rewatch of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Of course, it was illogical to repeat the movie a handful of times with no ulterior motive, but he found a strange comfort in the script he could quote from memory. It sounded foolish, but this way, he could be certain in his intelligence, he knew the words.

As the opening title played, and the Warner Bros logo displayed itself on the screen, he took a notepad and ballpoint pen from his bedside drawer. On his last rewatch, he had begun writing down the words the characters spoke, for no particular reason. There was something so calm, almost mindless, about the quiet, calming rhythm of his pen scratching against the paper, his mind concentrating only on the next words that came out of Hermione's mouth, or the next change in scene. It relaxed him, as unusual as it sounded.

'Lumos maxima,' on-screen Harry whispered, and Logan found himself repeating the words along with him. It was like a reprieve from the stressful problems of the day, wiping his mind and leaving only one task. "Lumos maxima," he mumbled quietly, reading along with his notepad.

He did this for a while, sat in the dark of his room, with his orange lamp. He had been provided a blue one initially, but he didn't like the coldness it brought to the air, and so he altered it to his liking. He liked the orange. Like fire. Warm.

Around forty minutes had passed (he knew this without checking, as Draco had just been attacked by Buckbeak the hippogriff) when there was a knock at the door. Logan shifted the laptop off of his lap, ignoring the tiny twinge of annoyance at being interrupted. It's not like he was doing anything important. His head felt too empty to rush, and so he took slow, measured steps crossing the room. The door clicked open to reveal Roman, looking impatient.

"Specs, took you long enough! It's Friday, Pat called you for a movie night," he said loudly, leaning on the doorframe. Logan blinked. He'd forgotten. Why did he forget? He leaned back to avoid making contact with the other side and simply nodded. "I see," he spoke, looking over his shoulder at the open laptop. "However, I am currently in the middle of some-" Roman slid through the gap between Logan and the door, and peered down at the laptop screen.

He paused for a second.

Logan ducked his head a little.

"Harry Potter?" Roman said finally, sounding incredulous, but a little amused. "The most important work of all." Logan felt his stomach go cold, and his face hot. He later defined this as embarrassment. The creative side spotted the notebook then, and swiped it up from the bed, squinting. He mumbled a few unintelligible things, looking confused, but resumed reading, and his eyes suddenly cleared. He stared back at Logan.

The side pursed his lips. "The script for the movie? Why are you writing that?" Roman questioned, with a confused smile. Logan cleared his throat but found the words stuck. Why was he writing it? There was no logical reason. "I thought it would be enjoyable," he said finally, nudging his glasses up his nose.

Roman kept staring, this time lowering the notebook from his face. "Enjoyable..." he repeated, a certain emotion coating the word. Logan deliberated for a second, before deciding he sounded disbelieving.

He didn't get more time to ponder, though, as Roman rolled his eyes, threw the notebook in the general direction of the bed, and swept out of the room, dragging Logan with him. As he stumbled trying to catch up, he faintly picked up the other man muttering to himself. "Enjoyable... What a nerd."

--

The others were all squished together on the couch, the others being Patton, Virgil and Janus. According to the snakelike side, Remus had finally crashed after four days of staying awake. He added that apparently, it was an experiment to see what the hallucinations were like. Once he reached the bottom of the stairs, Roman immediately vaulted over the couch, startling Virgil, and settled between him and Patton.

Logan shifted uncomfortably. Sitting in the empty space beside Patton would result in copious amounts of cuddling... He felt his arms almost ache at the thought, like bruises. Logan wished he could say that it was unusual, but he often found himself discomfited with the idea of physical contact. He didn't mind it, and if someone else asked he could provide it. But it was unnecessary. It made his skin feel strange, like something was churning and crawling under the surface.

He brushed a hand over his upper arm. Nothing, of course. Yet-

"Logan. Come and sit." Came a voice. He looked up to see that Janus had moved to be beside the moral side, and was patting the now spare place on the end of the couch. He seated himself there securely, dipping his head in thanks. Janus just nodded, discoloured eyes holding a glint of something he couldn't name.

Roman and Virgil were quarrelling over a movie. "Well, I think we should watch the Road to El Dorado!" the prince spoke loudly, brandishing the aforementioned case with a sweeping gesture. Virgil ducked the stray arm and scowled. "That movie's a trashy box office flop, and lost the company a ton of dollars. You only wanna watch it cause it has animated man nipples!" he accused, squinting at the other side. Roman flushed red, looking indignant. "That is absolutely ridiculous! I despise the notion!" he squawked. "Besides, aren't animated man nipples better than that freaky funky flick of yours?" He jabbed at the case in Virgil's hands. "Coraline's not freaky, you're just a coward!" Virgil retaliated, gripping his movie tighter.

"Alright, alright, kiddos! Have a nice cooldown time, alright?" Patton butted in, laughing awkwardly. Virgil scrunched up his face, sinking into his onesie, and Roman crossed his arms, pouting.

"We could watch the Princess and the Frog." Logan interrupted, tone flat. When they all turned to look at him, he cleared his throat. "It has the aesthetically pleasing animated males, the, ah, 'freaky' tones with the villain, the cartoon animals for Patton, and the jazz themes that Janus has shown a liking for." Roman's face brightened, clearly excited with the prospect of a Disney movie, and he grinned. "Sounds perfect, my dear Nerd! I'll get it!" and he scrambled out of the blankets to their DVD shelf.

The others seemed plenty happy with that decision too, and settled back down, Janus tilting his head to Logan in a little sign of gratitude. The disc was promptly slid into the player, and the screen lit up.

Logan found himself just, thinking, for the majority of the movie. 'Lumos. Maxima... Lumos. Maxima... Lumos, Maxima!' seemed to play in his head in a loop. As this was a rare time where he was not completing work, he let it. He absorbed the hushed tone, the harsh rise at the end echoing in his ears. Lumos... Maxima... The words were low, as the character Harry was trying to be quiet, and the itching sound of whispering chased itself around his head.

--

By the time he had refocused on the movie, Patton was well and truly asleep, curled snug against Janus' side, and Virgil's head kept jerking upward from where he was fighting off unconsciousness on Roman's shoulder. Roman himself was still watching the screen with awed eyes, a little smile on his face, and Logan's chest warmed. How pleasant. He looked to the television then, and watched the female frog turn back into a woman. Logan couldn't recall her name, he didn't care for the plot of the movie at all, but he found himself watching anyway. "Shadow man.." the woman onscreen spoke, and Logan found himself repeating it back. "Shadow man," he whispered, letting the noises float off of his tongue. Hm. Shadow man. Roman gave him a strange look, but he didn't notice.

"Just look at this place!" the shadow man cried, and Logan revelled in the sound of the words, curling into the air. "Look at this place.." he tried under his breath, frowning when it didn't make the noise he wanted. "Look at this place.." he spoke again, lowering the tone. It still didn't quite work, didn't drift around his ears like the voice actor's did. He repeated it a couple more times. Look at this place, just look at this place, look at this place...

"Logan, the hell are you sayin'?" a voice spoke groggily, and he tensed. He looked over immediately, and Janus was blinking at him, eyes demisting from the haze of sleep. "Ah, I was just... Well. I was saying the line." he replied, looking uncomfortable.

Roman sat up, giving him a weird look. "Why? And why that line in particular?" Logan opened his mouth to explain, but was at a loss for words. "It's... It's a different noise. It is... Satisfactory."

The other two just stared at him. He frowned in annoyance, simple frustration nagging at him as he struggled to word his thoughts. "It... sinks into my head nicely, so I thought perhaps I'd replicate it." he settled on. They still seemed confused. Janus just closed his eyes once more, and Roman shook his head in disbelief. "You're so weird..." Logan stayed silent.

The moment the others fell asleep again, he returned to his room and curled under the covers once more, restarting the movie on his laptop. He gripped the notebook loosely, pen poised as the credits started. Lumos... Maxima. Lumos... Maxima. Lumos, maxima!

[anxiouslyfred]

Love After Exile - Cooking Emotions

I have decided not to start using Janus’s name in this story. He will remain just known as Deceit so I don’t have to change the way the rest of the story was written

Summary: Virgil loved Remus and Deceit long before they fell out. Now he’s dating Logan after beginning to recognise similar feelings. Deceit has an idea over how to start repairing things with Virgil so he makes an attempt.

Formatting: There’s a shifting POV, anytime you see Bold starts of a paragraph then there’s been a perspective shift.

Pairings: Analogical from the start, eventual Analoceitmus

Warnings for this part: cooking, knives being used to chop vegetables, emotional scene

/\/\/\/\/\ Part One /\ Part Two /\/\ Part Three /\/\Part Four /\/\ Part Five /\/\ Part Six /\/\

It was clear that Deceit wanted to discuss something but Logan delayed that to ensure Virgil was feeling better again. Whatever he'd spoken about with Remus had left Virgil in somewhat of a guilt spiral so he had to calm that down before leaving for a while.

“You do realise you could have just text instead of hovering in the living room?” He queried, closing the door to Anxiety's room as he spoke.

Deceit nodded. “Of course but I find they never include the correct levels or urgency or courtesy in them. Waiting patiently where you can see I'm present seems much more reasonable and allows me to check on Virgil as I do so.” The words relaxed some of the trepidation Logan had been feeling. Since the rejection Deceit hadn't been seen in the common area the known sides shared and one explanation Logan had been able to think of was that the invitation to date had come from trying to support Remus's wants. That had definitely been backed when Virgil had mentioned just how badly Remus had taken the scene as well.

“Is this something involving him then?” He checked regardless of his suspicions.

“Partially. I was hoping to confirm what he referred to as he was leaving but there were a few other questions I would like some more information on and who better to ask than Logic for a lesson or two.” Deceit was anything but clear in his explanation.

Thinking for a moment, Logan began walking towards his room, waving a hand so the other would follow. “Very well, What are you wanting to learn about? I have a wide variety of books and information but possibly not on the psychology that seems to be your main interest.”

“Well recently I've been trying to understand the love languages a bit more, hoping it will offer some understanding of Remus as I'm sure you've realised we're very different people.” Deceit began, easily focusing on his own relationship rather than the one he wished to form.

Logan immediately brought a book from beside his bed over at the words. “I believe I can empathise with you on the importance of understanding one another there. Thankfully in my own relationship our primary love languages coincide, although there was originally some misunderstandings over how they are expressed. This book should be able to explain what I cannot, but is there any specific query you'd like to discuss?” He expected there to be a trick in the conversation, or an attempt to focus it back on Virgil and himself but hoped to waylay it with the side comment.

“How would I recognise what language is the one I respond to best? I've been able to recognise Remus enjoys and responds to physical touch primarily as a love language and it appears that he expresses it through gift giving as well, but frankly when I've read the descriptions I'm struggling to confirm which ones might apply to myself.” Deceit's gaze had definitely sharpened at the mention of Logan's relationship with Virgil, cataloguing the comment, but his words raised an intrigue in Logan. “And before you suggest it, we both know how unreliable online quizzes can be.”

“I was actually going to suggest asking Remus. Perhaps going through a few experiments with him to find out what you find most fulfilling if done as part of your relationship.” His voice was cutting, silencing any more counters to possible suggestions that wouldn't be made. “It's preferable to having an argument after trying to do the same things for each other and each feeling unneeded. At least that way Remus will be included in what you want to know and he probably has already noticed the main one you use.”

Deceit's eyes gleamed and his mind was spinning with thoughts, not at the suggestions but at the tiny pieces of information he'd gleaned from Logan. The pair shared their primary love language and had an argument before Logan researched love languages because of it.

“Well I'm fairly sure neither of us have Acts of Service as a love language so coming to an argument over trying to do the same things is unlikely. Pray tell is that what you were referring to?” He pried, remembering the conversation was meant to be information gathering on his prospective loves, and not asking questions he already knew the answers to.

Logan pushed the book he'd carried on holding forwards. “Be that as it may, the other subject you mentioned when requesting to converse is not one I feel at liberty to share. Perhaps you could bring the subject up with Virgil instead?”

Of course the subject turning to focus on Logic would have him retreating, even if they were stood in his room. Deceit didn't mind though, already working on the next steps they could make, even as he nodded and took the offered book. “Many thanks for the information, Logan. I hope we'll be able to receive dear Virgil's forgiveness soon.”

“That's a new book! You seeing the nerd behind my back?” Remus asked as he bounced into Deceit's room, finding him reading still. “Thought he wouldn't date us unless Virgil's okay with it?”

“Not dating, just information gathering so I can come up with a plan to fix some of the damage we've done to our relationship with Virgil.” Deceit sighed, rubbing his eyes, suggesting he'd been reading for too long if Remus was any judge. That was an itchy eyes action that made him want to remove them from his head if he ever experienced it.

Remus tilted his head then, confused by the amount of planning Deceit was trying to do. Acting on impulses seemed to be working perfectly so far. “You mean we need to be doing more than just trying to spend more time with him and talking through some of our emotions with him? It helped a lot when I had the breakdown of him being My People.”

“Yeah, I'm thinking that might work pretty well, but learning about the other love languages he's likely to use can't hurt, might even help me work out a way to let myself be emotionally vulnerable without you know, all my normal automatic misdirections.” He mused, finally marking the page and setting the book to one side.

“Vivi knows you. He's not going to want either of us to change how we are, even if we do it trying to reach out.” Remus comforted him, automatically wrapping their bodies together. He would have done more, but had learnt already that Deceit didn't always take kindly to some actions when there were a lot of thoughts in his head.

With those words Remus decided they were having a nap, muffling any further protests or musings from Deceit with thick blankets and lots of hugs.

It was a tentative hope that Deceit now held, although he knew Remus believed he saw it as enthusiastically as he did. Working with the love languages both that Deceit found himself using and that he'd learnt Virgil held, he would put time and effort into the relationship before anyone brought up dating again.

Of course Logan would be included too but on this first attempt Deceit was approaching Virgil alone. Words of affection came naturally but Deceit wanted to start with an idea of what to say, to explain about what happened before.

After talking it over and over with Remus, helping him to understand how their previous rash actions appeared to impact Virgil as well as wondering if the things they used to do together might help, it was time to actually try something.

"Want to help me make dinner?" the offer made Virgil pause, door only half open when Deceit asked the question.

It had been the activity Deceit thought he'd most willingly do again and they always spoke while cooking. That had been enough reason to try and Remus had supported the idea hopeful they might all share it later.

"Sure. What are you wanting to make?" Finally Deceit could let out the breath he'd held just hoping this might work.

Virgil knew something was being attempted, Deceit had a way of standing when he was trying to achieve a goal but he'd missed working with him doing something simple. He followed easily knowing either of them could make the dish alone but preferred to cook with people.

He took the task of chopping vegetables, even before Deceit answered his question. It was fairly clear that while he had already started getting ingredients out of the cupboards Deceit hadn't actually settled over a specific dish to make. “You know, we actually need a decision over what we're cooking so I don't dice these too small. Do you want to answer my question yet?”

They'd come down too the kitchen as soon as Virgil agreed to cook and while he was thinking through what motivation there could be behind the invitation, it almost seemed like Dee was deciding that at the same time.

“Spaghetti Bolognaise.” He nodded, taking in that Deceit had chosen a dish that would leave him chopping vegetables and turned away from where Dee would be preparing the mince and sauce while the pasta simmered. That positioning guaranteed there would be emotions talked through and about.

Honestly Virgil was glad to realise that. He'd been wondering whether Deceit would just avoid him forever after the scene in the imagination. It was what he'd do when rejected in such a way, at least.

“Do you know how often I lie by omission?” Dee asking the question made him hum a little, focusing on chopping the tomatoes carefully as much as listening. It wasn't one that needed a reply anyway since he carried on speaking a moment later. “You were only nearly matching me before we kicked you out and I couldn't fathom any motive to do so. My roles makes me look for underhand motivations and where safety necessitates a lie but between us you never needed to worry about your safety, not in a way that would be impacted by anything you could reveal or say at least.”

Virgil snorted, shaking his head. “You forget to include emotions almost as easily as Logan does sometimes. There's feelings other than ambition and fear that motivate most of us.”

Deceit paused his speech while Virgil turned to add the tomatoes to the sauce and fetch the mushrooms to be diced next. Virgil still glimpsed the hesitant look, more watching his movements than the mince although it was still cooking evenly so far.

“You'd think being close with Remus and yourself I'd be better at factoring in how our actions make others feel more often, but I never meant to or wanted to create a place where you couldn't tell us even a part of what you felt. I thought the times I listened to your rambles about conspiracies and monsters meant you felt free to share things with me, but those are easy subjects to broach, nothing like emotions.” There was musing in Deceit's voice as he began speaking again, and a sorrow that Virgil understood, including realising that the shields were down for now, no pretences were being used this afternoon.

“Just a bit of a difference in subject there Dee.” He couldn't help snarking, shaking his head at the knife he was using.

“That's everything, Virge! I deal in lies, in distractions to protect and conserve Thomas as who he is or wants to be so he can appear that way while looking after himself and taking the time to become it. I spend all the time working out verifiable reactions and trying to prevent the unpleasant ones that of course I sometimes overlook the emotional ones when all the actions we have say things are fine. You're the one who knows emotions far better even when we have to share self preservation responsibilities and you left me floundering when all I could get was a sense of being lied to where there was no reason or motive I could understand for you to do so.” The rant had Virgil turning, bewildered and concerned over the hurt in Deceit's voice but unsure how to help.

Instead he stood still, watching as Dee sighed, shoulders slumping as he replaced the hat he must have knocked off with a gesture. “I just wanted to understand and help with whatever you felt the need to lie about for all that time. There were so many causes of what it could be when I tried to think of things changing or happening that you wouldn't tell us until it felt like the most reasonable was that you were planning to leave, so I tried to give you a chance to tell us or not and get what I thought you wanted. You'd already spent so much time helping Thomas around those guys that it was all I could understand being omitted. I lashed out, losing you without you saying a word or trying to do it secretly hurt so much to think of until that was what I caused anyway.”

Virgil moved then, standing behind him as the mince was shifted in a pan a little more. It was difficult to hear how everything he'd gone through when being kicked out was from Deceit's point of view, but finally made sense of how sought out he was even when he thought Dee hated him for getting accepted.

It felt like Deceit had just bared his heart in the speech he'd just made. It wasn't quite what he intended to do and the silence from Virgil was biting at him now. Still he stepped to one side letting Virgil add the last vegetables diced and mixing the sauce, vegetables and mince all together while he drained the spaghetti, just waiting for a response.

“You always focus on Thomas living in society when arguing with the others. I think we all forget that we live as parts of Thomas with our roles impacting how we see the world and react to emotions.” Virgil sighed, and Dee froze taking a moment to realise that Virgil wasn't ready right then to carry on the emotional talk immediately. “I don't know if you're looking for forgiveness or just trying to explain the bullshit you and Remus pulled but if you need it you're forgiven or whatever.”

There was a sensation of a weight lifting at the words accompanied by a dread that everything he'd just said had been misunderstood. “No, Well yes and thank you but no, I was just... I wanted to say I was an idiot who didn't deal with that well at all, and hoped you could understand a little of what I thought was happening.”

“Story understood then, I guess. Now can we break this sappy moment and go feed the starving beast before one of us has to do a supply run for more soap and shampoo?” Virgil's shoulders were beginning to slouch in more than usual and Deceit knew he couldn't take much more high emotion talk either so he nodded, letting the talk drop and splitting the food between four plates.

“Do you want to invite Logan to eat with us all down here tonight?” He suggested, smiling a little as he saw the confusion about the number in Virgil's face.

Perhaps he hadn't focused on using their love languages as much as he had intended when planning the evening but this seemed to have had a better ending than he'd expected anyway. Especially as Virgil darted off up the stairs with a yelled thanks and agreement to invite Logan down.

/\/\/\

@book-of-charlie asked to be tagged

/\/\/\ Part Eight /\/\/\ Part Nine /\/\/\/\

[suca-loca]

the wolf always blames the food chain.

Pairing: Demus, Intruality /kinda, but not really, let me know if I should remove the Intruality one/

Warnings: Gore, murder, death, eating human beings, ghouls, cursing, lewd language, morally gray!Janus, morally gray!Remus

Authors note: Inspired by the anime Tokyo Ghoul. You don’t really need background knowledge of the show to read this, but it would be best to search up “Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul” to get a better understanding of what a kagune is and to see what a ghoul’s form looks like.

Summary: Patton doesn’t mean to kill her as much as he doesn’t mean to get caught.

——

“I’m sorry,” Patton sobs, spit and bits of human liver coming from his mouth more than words do. “I’m so so sorry, Remus.” 

He holds her insides in his hands, but it is he who feels cracked open. The sins he’s worked so hard to keep at bay strewn out and about and on the walls for all the world to see. Because even when there’s a heart throbbing against his palm - not really pulsating at all, but moving so lifelike from how hard he shakes - he always ends up here. Making it about himself. 

Remus inhales, a juxtapose to the very still chest merely a few feet away. “You’re a ghoul.” 

He says it so calmly. Like he expected to walk into this scene after finishing a night shift at the hospital. As if this isn’t the first time he’s realized his roommate isn’t human. 

Patton glances at the broken body sprawled between his legs. At the woman who now looks more like a ragged doll than the neighbor who helped carry his groceries just a day before. And then he stares at his kagune, bright and blue and solid, but with the fluidity of a river, cocooning itself between the split of skin on her stomach, stretching the wound more and more until the sound of blood oozing onto the living room carpet roars like a waterfall. 

He looks up at his roommate, sclera coated in black instead of white and irises a shade lighter than the heavy red dripping from Patton’s chin. “I don’t wanna be.

“I want to be forgiven.” Patton wipes away the snot that drips from his nose, the tears that slide down his cheeks, unaware of the smears of blood he leaves in their place.“I want to be good. So, please, don’t turn me in.” 

Remus grins. Like a monster under the bed would. Like Patton should. “Liar.” 

Patton flinches back, more so from the shock than the accusation. This is not the reaction of a man terrified for his life. This is a man at the dealers’ table, holding the winning cards and knows it. “I’m not a liar! Who would choose this life? Having to constantly look over my shoulder, outcasted by the world, the killings - ”

“The power.” Remus cuts in. 

Something snarls in Patton’s gut. “I don’t care for that.” 

“Liiiiiiiiiaaaaar.” 

“I am not a liar!” The thing inside him raises its hackles, pacing slowly. He releases a sob. “Lying is wrong!” 

Remus laughs. Somehow a more sickening sound than the squelch coming from Patton’s kagune ripping itself free from the girl’s abdomen. “Nice to know the ghoul I caught red-handed - literally red-handed -  has a good sense of morality. What’s next? You’re waiting for marriage? Haven’t even touched yourself yet to preserve some purity bullshit?” 

“It’s because I’m a ghoul I’m so strict on myself about lying!” Patton cries. “The horrible things I’ve done to survive - ”

And like a drunk driver who thinks nothing can go wrong, Patton sees headlights in the shape of familiar amber eyes and there’s no time to step on the brakes before everything falls away. Please, she bawls, barely able to string the vowels together as easily as Patton can string her large intestine along and along and along and along. Please don’t do this. 

Patton avoids looking at the crumpled body he towers over. “Why bother with the little sins when you’re doing the big ones?” 

“Sins?” Remus’ eyes flicker to the cross around Patton’s neck. It hits Patton then that Remus’ gaze has been locked in on him this whole time, with the exception of the ten seconds he stared at the corpse when he first walked in. Patton should be glad the attention is gone, so why does he wish for it back? “Even after all this, you believe there’s a God? That you earned your way to the pearly gates despite all the lives you’ve fucked enough times over to make your bitch?” 

Patton can’t help but instinctively clutch the jewelry. “Belief is all I have. I don’t deserve a place in heaven, but the least I can do is try to do better in other ways to make up for the hurt I’ve caused. That has to count for something.” When he lets go he realizes his cross is now covered in blood. “It has to.” 

Remus steps closer, daring to enter the pool of blood that Patton was foolish enough to believe acted as a barrier, a warning. A threat.

“I can’t believe this shit I’m hearing! Do you mean to tell me murder cancels out because you tipped the pizza delivery guy more than twenty percent?!” Remus is shrieking now. He’s a city wire, spitting rogue sparks at Patton’s skin. “You don’t get to repent when you’re just going to do it again! There’s no point! As pointless as the creation made by your God where the left testicle hangs lower than the right one!”

Patton jumps to his feet, but it isn’t solid ground he stands on. The floor is slipping beneath him, with nowhere stable to go to. 

“The point is to be a good person! I don’t get to just stop, Remus! I have to eat! I didn’t even let her in with the intent to kill her! I let her in because she wanted to borrow eggs and I didn’t realize she cut herself on something until I opened the door and smelled the blood!”  

His hunger shrieks at the door because she’s there too. Two creatures as alive as the other. But this is a gladiator fight. The door shuts. He places his bets. 

He didn’t know not to open the door, but he knew better than to close it. 

Patton expects his voice to shake. He nearly flinches when what comes out is a deep rasp from the back of his throat. “I didn’t want to kill her. I… I just get so hungry.” 

A grin slides over Remus’ face, as direct and chilling as a hammer to the skull, and the thought that comes next hits Patton just as hard.

He needs to get out of this mess the same way he got in it.

“The wolf always blames the food chain,” the hammer says, and Patton breaks. 

The thing in Patton’s gut snaps its jaw, then strikes. 

His kagune reacts first, shoving Remus to the wall so hard an audible crack whips through the air. His legs comprehend the danger - the thrill - right after, seemingly gliding over the floor from how fast he moves. By the time the human has opened his eyes his hands are pinned against his head and Patton’s kagune hovers just a centimeter above the center of his chest. 

All done in less than three seconds. A testament to how inhuman Patton is, and yet he’s forced to wear their skin. 

“I’m a good person.” His breath ghosts over Remus’ lips. Is it wrong he wonders if it tickles or stings? 

Remus smirks. 

Patton hopes it’s both. 

“What you are,” Remus says, tilting his head to the right so that his cheek brushes against Patton’s forearm, smiling as if he isn’t the rodent in this mouse and cat game, “is a beast.” 

Color spreads to Patton’s cheeks, sitting there like it has a weight of its own, reminding him of how wrong this is. How wrong he and Remus are, whether separate or together. 

“There’s a wolf in you, pacing for the next chase. The poor thing’s been without a pack for so long,” Remus says softly. If Patton closes his eyes, he can almost feel Remus’ hands trailing up and down his stomach, softly, attentively - dare he say- adoringly, trying to find the lump of the wolf. Nails softly dragging before Remus’ fingers rest in between the curve of fat that ends where his hips start.

Perhaps it’s the thought of someone wanting to touch him willingly, wantingly, outside of those who hit or scratch or slap when he’s trying to fill his stomach for the day, that keeps the memories of why he’s been alone so long at bay. Better to focus on Remus’ half-lidded eyes than the day he was hidden under the floorboards by his parents at nine-years-old moments before ghoul investigators kicked down the door. 

“How much longer do I have to rile you up before I can get you to face me as who you truly are?” Remus asks, slightly purring. 

Kill him. 

Patton should. Should kiss him and shove his tongue through the gap he always considered adorable before tearing out the teeth Remus still has left. Should kiss the scar under his chin that Patton bandaged after a bar fight went wrong and replace it with a newer, deeper, and unhealable one. Should kiss the freckles scattered across his cheeks like a galaxy and use the constellations to find out what order he should rip them out in. 

Kiss him kill him kiss him kill him kiss him kill him kiss him kill him kiss him kill -

Remus turns his head slightly to, as if reading Patton’s mind, brush his lips against Patton’s forearms. “Not much longer, it seems,” Remus hums. 

A gasp leaves Patton’s mouth. He steps back immediately, forearm burning. 

But that’s not the only thing that burns. 

“How dare you.” He spits, eyes wild, and kagune flickering like a hungry tongue. “Do not speak as if you know me when you have no idea what it means to be born wrong.” 

At that response, anger flares up in Remus’ eyes. Patton almost sighs in relief when he sees it. It’s both relieving and terrifying to see Remus read him so clearly while Patton has no idea what’s going on in Remus’ playground of a brain. 

And then he realizes he was a fool to think he understood Remus at all because a second later the human pulls off his shirt. 

“Remus!” Patton stutters, face burning such an intense color of pink it makes up for the devoid of color on the corpses’ body at his feet. Before he can embarrass himself further with a failed attempt at a coherent sentence, Remus turns around and Patton’s eyes - curse his dumb eyes - don’t look away. 

An unwelcome jolt of desire shoots through him, but it is instantly squashed when he realizes what he’s really supposed to be looking at. Multiple slashes, old, deep, and that look to be caused at the hands of a wooden ruler, vertically run along Remus’ back. 

“You’re right. I wasn’t born wrong.” Remus looks over his shoulder, voice losing the edge of madness that makes him so him. “But my parents thought differently. So I understand the pain and hurt that comes with it.” 

Remus throws the shirt aside and begins stalking towards him, somehow still talking in the present while Patton is stuck in the six seconds before when he realized Remus also has freckles on his back. “I could tell right away that you were like me. Deceiving others. Deceiving yourself. I just didn’t know why, so I promised myself not to say anything until I had all the facts. For the first fourteen years of my life, I tried to fit in the mold my parents made for me before I realized this isn’t a Cinderella story where the shoe fucking fits in the end. My mother thought the scars on my back were punishment for playing the note of a violin incorrectly. She couldn’t be more wrong. It was a punishment for lying to myself for so long. It came to me then that I can’t be what I’m not. I can’t lie to myself or others anymore.” 

Patton doesn’t move away as Remus stops before him with the confidence of a man who didn’t just step over a dead body, too busy being pulled under by unending tides every time he gets too close to shore. 

For a long time, he told himself lying was not as easy to stomach as mankind. And yet it’s all he’s ever done. All he knows. He rips his roots out from one life to the next. Created new identities whenever the police got too close to the truth. Learned to turn around when someone’s order got called out. He had that name once. He had them all. A coffee mocha for the Dylan that was friends with a boy who had purple hair and skin so pale Dylan thought bleeding would do him good. Four cheese empanadas for Barry, who coincidentally met a man named Logan Berry, who didn’t like him all that much but would punch in a discount for him, so Barry would leave a nice tip because that’s what nice people did and he wanted to be like those people. Not the wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

When he resurfaced from the floorboards that day he was reborn amongst the cheers and applause of his neighbors congratulating the ghoul investigators for freeing the world from two evils. With his parents’ fresh blood squishing underneath his shoes as he made his escape out the back a horrible thought came to him. 

The world thought him better off not being born at all. 

Is that what would happen when death inevitably claimed him? No one to wail or grieve to prove he was loved. Not even a grave. His existence was despised. His death was cause for celebration. 

And what was a nine-year-old to do with that information but change?

He is drowning. He can’t even scream unless he wants to make the death more painful. Maybe he should. Self-destruction is a very human thing. 

Remus’ cups the ghoul’s face in his hands. A life raft Patton instantly clings to. 

“And that’s the difference between you and me,” Remus says, voice the gentlest it can be with the edge of permanent madness laced around his tongue. “This goody two shoes people pleasure you play? It’s not you. It never was. So cut the bullshit. You are so much better than that. You always were. Live for yourself, not for others.” 

Patton holds onto Remus’ hands, afraid once it leaves - because everyone always leaves - he’ll be made much emptier without it. He should not be feeling these things, least of all for this man, this human, when the air around him crackles with such a wrongness that it out wins Patton’s. No, worse. Better. It compliments his. 

If she hadn’t been nice, hadn’t been so her, she wouldn’t have helped Patton carry his groceries. And so she wouldn’t have known he had a batch of plentiful eggs to lend after realizing she had none to make the brownies for her nieces’ upcoming birthday. She’s on the walls, on the carpet, on the couch, on his clothes, because she was what the world took advantage of: kind. 

And that is why creatures like Patton survive. You do not make company with survivors and expect to leave in one piece. 

He’s at the shore now. But he’s not the same man who went into the water. He has been homesick for a person he could never be.

“Why are you telling me this?” Patton asks, while also wondering what could possibly be, in the already long list of things, more wrong with him that he finds the calluses on Remus’ hands make his touch more comforting than it already was. 

Remus presses their foreheads together. “Because I want you to know you don’t need to hide who you are around me. Ghoul or something else. You’re not alone anymore.” 

Patton doesn’t know what it means that his kagune, a literal weapon of destruction, tentatively lingers around Remus’ waist wanting to wrap around it in a mockery of a hug. Or how he feels about his soulless eyes, meant to strike horror and fear into the hearts of his food, soften as it drinks up the dimples on Remus’ face and the crook of his nose. 

He is saved from thinking too much about it when Remus speaks again. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

A beat of silence. At least, Patton thinks there’s one, the only beat he hears is the erratic beating of his heart against his chest. 

“You… you can’t believe that” is what Patton finally says. Eyes wide and the room suddenly too hot and the smell of her is starting to fill up the room which is definitely what’s keeping him from thinking clearly, even though the smell of rotting flesh is not new to him at all. 

Remus raises an eyebrow. “Well, it seems you missed the conversation we just had about not lying for others, so I guess I’ll have to start from the beginning. Ahem, you’re a ghoul - ” 

“You’re insane.” Patton rolls his eyes, unable to stop the totally unnoticeable and not at all loud snort that escapes a second later. He nearly flinches a second later when he realizes how mean it could come across. Patton never said anything mean. Who is he now? Is this another mask or is the real him slowly peeking through?

Remus smiles. “And so are you. Let’s lose our minds together and drive off a cliff like Thelma and Louise.” 

It isn’t a nice smile. Too much red gums and canine teeth, not sharp at all but giving off the impression that they should be. Everything about this human is sharp in the most troubling way. And yet, although it wasn’t the prettiest thing to look at, that doesn’t mean it didn’t make Patton feel something. 

He’s pretty sure it’s the first real thing he’s felt in a long time. 

With the last of his reserve crumbling away, he wraps his kagune around Remus and allows himself to indulge in the moment by closing his eyes. His hands pressed against the edge of his folded legs, pinky outstretched to lightly brush against Remus’ knee. It’s the smallest of contact, still, the pad of that same finger buzzes and sizzles in the most delicious way. 

“All the prettiest flowers have thorns,” Remus speaks, an earnest look in his eyes that almost undoes the chords of chaos that make him up. “Flowers don’t cry when they prick someone’s thumb. So why should you? We are what we do to survive. You can either take accountability for your actions or let the shame eat you as easily as you eat others. The choice is yours, but dammit - ” 

Remus pulls back slightly to get a good look at Patton’s face. There is an intensity and purpose in his body so rigid Patton fears he’ll break apart. 

“I want you to choose to not only survive but to live, Patton.” 

Patton stills, mouth suddenly dry. “... That’s not my name.”

Remus blinks. “Record scratch?” 

“Patton was a name I gave myself not too long ago,” the ghoul forces out. “I’ve had others. As fake as the one I have now. My real name…” He takes a deep breath, feeling the water of the crashing tides lick at his heels, ready to pull him back in. “My real name is Janus.” 

It goes quiet. 

It can’t be an eternity, but that’s what it feels like to Pa - no, to Janus. If it’s weird on his own tongue, then what could it possibly feel like to Remus? Is this where Janus has crossed the line? A fake name somehow more of a deal-breaker than eating mankind? 

His heart lurches at having had a taste of something… something he can’t really put his finger on, but he knows it’s something more, only to have it pulled out from underneath him. Will the pain in his heart stop if he rips it out? If that was what made this horrible emotion, this terrifying and numb feeling of loss to something that he shouldn’t have allowed to be his in the first place, stop he’d gladly do it. 

Then, because Remus is full of surprises, Janus is pulled by the hem of his shirt into a kiss. 

The kiss is anything but quiet. The kind of smooch you hear in some trashy, cheap porn production from a store that would allow a seven-year-old to walk out with. Remus shouldn’t be making out with him like this. Not when the crust of dried blood still lingers on Janus’ lips. Or when the stench of his latest kill sticks to him so thick his own kagune couldn’t pierce through it. 

Yet Remus shows no sign of stopping. 

Remus bites Janus’ lower lip and oh. Stars aren’t normally this close to the earth, right? Because that’s all Janus sees. In an instant his hands are gripping at Remus’ waist, holding on for dear life as Remus moves on to using his tongue for something other than giving Janus a harsh - but much needed - reality check. 

When Remus pulls back, Janus unconsciously brings his hands to his lips, as if the action will somehow replay the moment. How is it that someone so human can unravel a monster such as himself so easily as breathing? 

“Janus,” Remus says in awe, like his name consists of all the most heavenly sounds in a single word. Janus could listen to Remus say his name for eternity. 

“Janus, Janus, Janus, Janus. I love it! I've never met someone who has a name with the word anu - ” 

”We’re pronouncing it Ja-nice from now on, ” Janus says, immediately snapped out of daydream mode. 

Remus pouts. ”Fine. You're no fun.” 

”Am I?” Janus blurts out before he can stop himself. 

There is so much he doesn’t know about himself. Where does he even begin to piece together who he really is? 

Remus comfortingly squeezes Janus’ hand.  ”Don't worry. We’ll find out. Together.” 

Janus allows a small smile to slip on his face. He may not know who he is, but he knows what he wants. 

“I’d like that.”

The two get to their feet, now that the moment has passed they are acutely aware of the underlying problem in the room. 

“So, what are you going to do with the rest of the body?” Remus asks, approaching it to poke it with the front of his boot. 

“Eat it, of course. I’m still terribly hungry.” 

Remus whirls around immediately, a glint in his eyes similar to the ones found in kids wandering around Disneyland. “Can I watch?” 

Obviously, Janus should be disgusted. Instead, a small blush coats his cheeks and he finds himself star-struck at the sight of the cute gap in Remus’ lopsided grin.

“Oh,” Janus purrs, already rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, “please do.” 

[98prilla]

To The Dead

Next

Previous

AO3 

...

“Patton?” They both looked up at the sound of the door opening, Janus slipping inside, surveying the scene. Virgil was still curled against Patton, eyes red and hands a bit shaky, though he seemed alright otherwise.

 “H-hi." Virgil managed, voice hoarse, though his sobs had died out hours ago.

 “Virgil. How are you feeling, love?” Janus asked, voice warm with relief and concern.

 “better. I think.” He mumbled, fidgeting with his hoodie strings, dark eyes barely visible from the depths of his hood. “which isn’t really saying much, considering anything is probably better than where I was.”

 “Any progress is progress, darling. It doesn’t have to be a huge revelation, to be important. Sometimes, you hear something so often it becomes a fact of life in your head, regardless of the truth of the matter. Sometimes you just need to hear the opposite enough times from enough people to start believing in your own worth again.” Janus said, leaning in the doorway. Virgil huffed, looking away.

 “you’re all so much… smarter, than me. No wonder I stayed with Him. I’m so… just… stupid.”

 “You’re not, love. You’re not the only one, who died because of an unhealthy, abusive, relationship. You’re not the only one who loved someone who wasn’t good for you. If I seem smarter, it’s only because I’ve had longer to comes to terms with it. I’ve had the others, to help break down all of what was taught to me. There’s nothing stupid about it, Virgil. People like that… they know what they’re doing, when they manipulate you, and they’re damn good at it. It isn’t your fault, darling, and you aren’t stupid for it. You’re just… human.” Janus smiled wryly, and something about his words struck so close to home that Virgil almost burst into tears again, barely containing them with a deep breath and hard swallow.

 “Do you wanna go properly meet Roman and Logan?” Patton asked softly, and Virgil seemed to shrink in on himself more.

 “He’d add Remus to the group of people you need to ‘properly meet’, but you’ve met him at about his best.” Janus added dryly, half smirking in victory as Virgil let out a small, shaky laugh.

 “ok. If… if you’re sure they don’t h-hate me. For h-hurting them. Hurting you.”

 “They don’t, honey.” Patton reassured, kissing the top of his head, before helping him to his feet, Virgil a little wobbly, though he waved away Patton’s concern.

…

Roman was pacing the living room once more, unable to cease his motion or risk flying  apart at the seams. He knew, it wasn’t Virgil’s fault, but that darkness, that power… it scared him.

 And now Patton was alone with him, alone with the being that had very nearly sapped him dry. He was so conflicted. On the one hand, he felt sorry for Virgil, he had watched him, after all, they had, seen how he struggled with depression and anxiety, and on top of that an abusive relationship. He knew Virgil didn’t mean any harm, was extremely strong to have pulled back from the brink.

 But the protective side of him was screaming that Patton was in danger, they were all in danger, as long as Virgil stuck around. At least Janus had left, a few minutes ago, to check on them.

 “Roman. Would you please cease?” Logan asked, looking up from his book, frowning slightly at the noise of his pacing.

 “How can you be so calm about this?” He asked, rounding on Logan, who merely raised a brow.

 “Virgil has agreed to let Patton, at least, help him manage his issues, and Janus has personal experience recovering from the kind of trauma Virgil has endured. I am confident that we will not have another issue. Why are you still panicking?” Logan’s tone made him want to scream, so frustratingly even, and he threw up his hands.

 “Why wouldn’t I be? He nearly destroyed us, Logan, and he wasn’t even trying! We both know he’s prone to fits of panic! What if during one of them he snaps, and hurts all of us? What if he loses control? It wasn’t even fully formed, and it nearly-“

 “Roman-“

 “And he wasn’t even trying, Logan! What happens if he decides to use it? He has almost as much power as Remus, what if he decides he wants the place to himself, what if he decides he’s tired of us, what if he decides to hurt you, or Patton, or Janus? He could end us, Logan, and I refuse to let that happen. I won’t sit idly by and let him tear all of this apart. We have to… to do something! Something to make sure he can’t!”

 “Roman.” Janus’s voice, sharp and cold as ice, and it cut him to his very core. His eyes widened and he had a sinking feeling he knew exactly what he would find when he turned around. He desperately met Logan’s eyes, who shook his head, disapproval written across his face. Slowly, he turned, taking it in one at a time.

 Janus, face cold and eerily impassive, eyes burning a hole through him, with how hard and sharp his gaze was. Patton, mouth open in a silent O, turning to Virgil, who was squeezing his hand as if his afterlife depended on it.

 And Virgil. Virgil was shaking like a leaf, face pale and eyes wide, starting to fizzle into darkness at the edges of his being.

 “Virgil I-“ He took a step forwards, eyes wide and pleading, trying to meet Virgil’s. “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry- That’s not-“ Virgil shook his head, stumbling back a step for his one forwards, arms wrapping around his middle.

 “it’s fine. It’s… I g-get it, I…”

 “Virgil. Please. It is alright. He was just worried.” Virgil laughed at Logan’s words, a harsh, gasping thing, that shook his thin frame harder.

 “Right. Worried. Ab-out me. H-hurting you. All of y-you. And you know what? He’s right! I c-can’t control myself, I p-anic, I-“

 “Darling.” He looked up at Janus, who was reaching out a beseeching hand, asking him, begging him, with his eyes to take it.

 The moment seemed suspended in time.

 Logan was watching him carefully, calculating odds in his head, he could see it. Roman was struggling for words, trying to find something to say, stance defensive. Patton was looking closely at him, eyes echoing Janus’s sentiment, warm and soft and kind. Janus was almost desperate, almost… afraid.

 He could see it. He could see it in each of their eyes. No matter what they said, no matter how much they wanted to help him, wanted to trust him, each of them were afraid of him. Afraid of what he could do. Afraid of what he would do. That’s the only reason Patton and Janus were reaching out, the only reason Roman had stepped between him and the wraith, the only reason Logan had gathered the others to come help, the only reason Remus had let them all in.

 Fear.

 He was all too acquainted with fear. And for the first time, he wondered, what exactly that fear would lead them to do to him, if he lost control once more. He had the suddenly sinking feeling that he knew, that Roman, at least, wouldn’t hesitate, and Logan wouldn’t be far behind. They would do what they had to, to keep their family safe, and if it destroyed him, then that was the cost. He found he couldn’t blame them. Not when Patton and Janus were so… good.

 “I’m sorry.” He whispered. Then he was gone.

…

“No!” Janus cried out, lunging forwards, but he wasn’t fast enough, his hand closed on empty air, and he spun, punching the wall with a curse, head hanging low as he tried to fight back the upwelling of emotions, the desperate crushing defeat filling his chest. “dammit.” He whispered, spinning at a hand on his shoulder.

 “Dammit, Roman! He was listening, he was understanding, he was letting us in, and who are you, who are you to make him more afraid of himself than he already was? You think he doesn’t know, what he’s capable of? You think he doesn’t know what’s at stake? And you… You!” He growled, stalking forwards, not sure what he was moving towards, perhaps punching Roman in the face, but Remus caught his arm before he got there, and he hissed at him, trying to pull out of his grip.

 “Janny. Don’t. It won’t fix anything. It’s not what you want.” He nearly pulls away, snarling, surprised as he finds himself folding against Remus instead, angry tears slipping down his face.

 “we had him. we were so close, we had him.” He whispered, voice hoarse and drawn, as he felt Remus hug him tight.

 “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean… God, I’m sorry.” Roman, voice cracking, looking helplessly between Patton and Logan, shame and self loathing welling in his chest.

 “I know. I know, kiddo. I know you’re just worried about us, and I understand. But… but you have to give him a chance. We almost had a chance.” Patton whispers the last sentence, his own tears slipping down his face. He had a feeling Virgil wouldn’t be so easy to find this time, that he’d hide away well and truly.

 But at least they’d gotten through to him. At least he was thinking on it, on his relationship being unhealthy, at least he’d gotten that far. He hoped it was enough.

...

@fortheloveofjanus