#perhaps it doesn't seem interesting or important to anyone else but these little things are what make me like them

[ataraxiaspainting]

hiiii i have a request! yan chrollo and how he would treat darling during valentines day?

he gets a +10 buff of being creepy, essentially. turns it up to eleven, and this behavior does not go away until at least february 21st. that is if you're lucky. if you're not just pray for march 1st or whatever to come around as soon as possible.

Yan Chrollo + Valentine’s Day.

How Chrollo acts, as always, depends on you and your current relationship, be it with him or with other people. Do you know of his existence yet? Is his stalking still in its earlier stages? Are you interested in anyone romantically, and plan to confess to them on this day?

To Chrollo, you are the direct cause of all of his actions. He knows you don’t mean it because most likely you either don’t know he is always following you or you think that he is simply a good friend to you. The latter is much rarer though, because as much as Chrollo knows how to manipulate others, he’ll show his true intentions around you to keep you on edge, be it when you are at home cooking a meal for your family and he has been invited from said family, or when you are walking home from the bar and he just so happens to be there when you inevitably slip because you are drunk. He may or may not have put something in your drink too if that is the case. He won’t tell you that though until you are so vulnerable, that he snatches you up, either for just the night or what is intended to be the rest of your life. He doesn't care if this is seen as wrong by the rest of the world. He is a thief. His job is to steal away treasures. Why should his intentions with you be any different? If you tell him that this is wrong, the same response will occur, albeit with a few more mind games. Perhaps it is best not to poke the bear, even when it has already had its fill.

If you haven't been taken by him yet, be prepared for one of two scenarios to unfold. Firstly, he may discreetly deliver an assortment of gifts and an anonymous letter to your mailbox, or perhaps even leave them on your kitchen table (if he's feeling particularly unsettling). Alternatively, if you're open to dating, he may attempt to arrange a blind date with you. He would enlist Shalnark's assistance to ensure that he becomes your chosen companion for the evening. However, it's important to note that the likelihood of a blind date is rather slim, as it ultimately depends on your preferences. Regardless of your plans for the night, Chrollo has no qualms about sending you an anonymous letter and gifts. It matters little if you're alone, confessing your feelings to someone else, or already on a date with your partner.

Resting on your table lies a crimson envelope. Its sight prompts your eyes to widen, expanding to the size of saucers. However, its presence pales in comparison to the other objects adorning the tabletop. A plush teddy bear, two grand bottles of opulent wine, a duo of boxes containing your favorite foods, and an arrangement of roses nestled in a glass vase, a purchase you know was not made by your hand. These roses, in hues of ivory and peach, exhibit not a trace of withering or decay. The person who broke them in to put them in here was extremely careful with them, along with the other gifts.

Despite the icy tremors in your hands, you pay no mind to the numbing sensation. With cautious precision, you proceed to unseal the envelope, taking care to avoid tearing it. You find yourself in a situation where no one believes you anymore. You no longer share the details about your stalker with anyone. Unfortunately, they always seem to vanish without a trace or become the center of attention in the news. And sometimes, to your utter dismay, both things happen simultaneously.

You don’t scream either, anymore. That’s probably what your stalker wants. Whoever they are. You don’t know anything about them, aside from the fact that they are always watching you. You are always right under their thumb, one of the only houses you could afford, when paired up with the traveling fees, that is far away burning to the ground before you could pay it was sure evidence of that.

As you begin to peruse the letter, a sense of dismay washes over you, realizing how distant you have strayed from prioritizing your well-being.

“Dearly beloved…”

If, by chance, he has already whisked you away, a task that requires minimal effort on his part, Valentine's Day will bear a resemblance to this scenario. The card and an abundance of lavish presents will still grace the kitchen table, but at least their origin will be known to you. Chrollo promises you a "date", provided you conduct yourself properly today. As always, the destination is up to you, or so he feigns. Deep down, he already has the “date” planned. It would be wise to hope he doesn't subject you to anything too dreadful on this day.

[lazywriters-blog]

INNOCENTLY YOURS

LYNEY'S DEFAULT & YANDERE PROFILE

Note: This took a long time to finish but hopefully, it's good enough and enlightening to read, should I do wriothesley next? Vote for your choice in the poll at the end:

Warning: May contain triggering content, female reader, and all the yandere stuff. Not proofread.

1. Their personality, and their blank points.

Lyney is a great actor and magician with many talents and whatnot. He's got a charm to him and he seems to be confident, cheery, and suave, he grins when he's caught a contagious smile directed at him or the applause his audience graces him with.

He loves those who love his show and never misses any of it, he's a little sad inside but burdens can't always be let go of, either he persists or is dragged down. He's a little on the nervous side, especially when it comes to his family, he caters to the needs of his people to know more about them, and he's good at consoling anyone to spill their secrets willingly, he frequently makes eye contact and he's good at reading people, he isn't normally shy because why would he be? He's a great magician, if he wants attention all to himself, he's gotta play his part and act confident, After all, people are drawn to those who are self-assured and have everything sorted out.

He might not look like it, but he's a professional gaslighter, first, he guesses someone's weakness and uses it against them, in a subtle way, wouldn't want them to back out just yet, he's gotta play his magic, and reel them in. He's good at it, but sadly he could never use his skills on himself.

Even if he convinces himself he's a good person, no good person would ever want to convince themselves of it. At least, that's what he thinks.

2. Their coping mechanisms and their reaction.

When one's delusions are challenged and given a chance to face themselves, most wouldn't due to their circumstances and experiences, the same can be said for Lyney, he's seen unlikable things and knows there's some good in the world, however, once he's betrayed, it is likely impossible to ever gain trust again. How does he cope? For starters, he just stares off and it would seem so eerie to anyone who has seen him lively, he looks dead whenever he does it, shake him out of it he may just smile and shrug it off saying he was thinking hard about something, it's like he has two personalities, happy and sad, likely stemming from knowing how people would take advantage of a weak being, no one would ever want to see him a sad magician performing tricks, perhaps an interesting concept but he doesn't have the reliability to do it.

Seeing how people react, how their expressions slip and crumble into something they were hiding, yeah he's noticed many things growing up, and he's learned to cope by improving, that's because he didn't have the resources nor the perfect environment to do anything else but improvise.

Besides, it has helped him. Striving to be better isn't a bad thing, but constantly doing so leads him to neglect important details about himself.

How he gets so frustrated and fidgety when nothing is working out in his favor, he hasn't learned how to properly deal with his emotions, he knows smiling will help, and he can keep his facade up and running but ignoring troubling things will only come to haunt him again. He knows it to some extent, but ultimately he can't do anything about it, he doesn't know how to relax and rely on anyone. He's capable, and he needs to prove it, he has what it takes to make people come to him. He's a smooth talker, after all.

Alike everyone, he's a ticking bomb that has been buried deep beneath. No telling what will trigger it.

3. How much do they love? Are they too much or too little?

He loves a lot, a little much but it's above average even at the beginning, he keeps it hidden through teasing and doesn't find it necessary to keep details away from his darling. How would he have encountered his darling? What attracts him to anyone? I have this thought of Lyney meeting her when he's on a mission to uncover some secrets behind his darling's parents, her mother to be precise, it's hard enough to find an opportunity to flee and enter someone's room, lucky him that she likes him, though it had been subtle that they had invited him and his sister to their home to observe him, the hints were clear enough and their mission had been a success.

What was more interesting was how he never got to talk to her, her parents were doting and likable so she should be the same more or less, shy. Maybe, he doesn't know. Their visit was pleasant and there wasn't any reason for bad blood, however, he was curious to know their daughter.

He would keep a closer eye on his audience from then on, or on the streets, in case she was to be seen, and then, voila, she appeared on one of his magic shows, testing his theory hadn't been tough, watching her eye something else whenever he looked her way was amusing. After the show, greeting her had been enjoyable, luckily her parents seemed to leave her alone with him whenever Lynette was with him.

She was genuine, sheltered from the harshness of the world yet so knowledgeable and cunning about everything, he found himself drawn to her. How could one be so untrusting when everything has been good to them? Thus, the gears would start turning, and soon, he would know. Only to realize far too late that he's in her life too deep now.

4. Dark habits or shadows of their personality.

Growing up needing attention and wanting attention can be problematic for any person, the need to be the center of the stage and do just about anything to keep it that way, clever magic tricks, dangerous tactics, you name it, Lyney has done it at some point in his life. It had been their livelihood to perform shows and gather money to avoid starving on the streets. Lyney had been the main since then, it worked out for them and they dared not change it for anything better, except for one point in their life and it ended in betrayal so they never attempted it. Lyney likes to do trial and error with his relationships with the people of his interest and it's the same for his Darling, figuring out what works and what doesn't is his starting point.

He may try distressing things to figure out what is a person's fear, and reason for anger, tears, and sorrow, he needs to know. For a more sensitive darling, it can backfire so he goes, 'I'm just joking, don't take it too seriously, I promise it was a joke!' 'I hope that didn't bother you much.' 'I love it when you smile while crying, you look adorable! See, you smiled again!!' he can be endearing that way, he's charming enough to make anyone talk about their feelings and trust him, his darling wouldn't stand a chance if they didn't remove their pink tinted glasses and see him for what he's truly doing.

He likes to position himself in front of his darling, always maintaining eye contact and chuckling whenever she looks away, by now, if darling trusts her gut instincts she would be very uncomfortable, but his smile would say otherwise. Of course, this all would change if you prove to be a good person who gets along with his siblings, one good interaction is all he needs to be lovestruck.

And once darling has endeared herself to them, he would try convincing her to cross boundaries, stay with him for the night, and sneak out with him, it would be a good time to bond, of course, he wouldn't force it, at first.

There's only so much he can do before sleeping beside her becomes essential. He'll do all sorts of things to convince her to stay, play, sleep, and remain.

5. How do they deal with irregular feelings or emotions?

He doesn't let it show outside, he knows better than to scowl at someone's mean statement, or at her parents' statement of how he's taking their daughter from them. It would be quite a predicament. Normally, he would try to be diplomatic about it all, butter them up, and clear up the misconception, but he finds it hard to do just that because they're right and he feels so giddy thinking that, a twisted sense of satisfaction overcoming him and he just wants to laugh in their face and speak condescending things. He won't though, he'll smile a big forced grin and walk it off later whilst complaining to his sister.

6. Do they let themselves get lost in the past, or present?

He's more present in the now than the past, he does think about it five times a day and lets it influence his speech at times, but it's rare to ever escape his mouth. Sometimes sure, but he tends to avoid it as much as possible.

7. How much of sanity do they possess?

A little above high, but when someone becomes akin to his family, one bad thing and it decreases significantly, he may not seem like it but when he's going crazy worrying over details and pondering and pondering, he can't help but pace around, and when bad notions come to mind he just wants to slam his head against something or pull out his hair, occasionally under extreme pressure, he ends up doing that. But it would take more than that to make him lose his sanity and do the most horrendous actions without thinking twice. He will shed many tears, but if his family is safe, he doesn't care what happens to his enemy.

Losing someone very dear to him is the major trigger that will cut loose all the ropes holding him down. Otherwise, he's pretty strong mentally, only when it comes to his family, he's pretty weakened.

A good thing to use against him, sadly.

8. If triggered, what would they do? Do they swallow their anger or just not contain it?

Well, the first thing he would attempt to do is poke fun at them in the shadows if they've hit a nerve and threatened anyone from his family if it's about him he doesn't care for it unless it's beneficial, angering him would be tough overall he's a performer so he knows how to deal with disagreeable people, pretends to have never heard about the nasty rumors involving him, he's sneaky and confident like that, unfortunately, that fails when it comes to family and darling, he wants to know who did it, when, how, why, everything and if this person doesn't know how to back down and eat their words, they might disappear entirely.

Nobody would know but hey, he left some clues.

9. Willingness to sacrifice their loved ones.

Not an option. He doesn't want to, and never will, family is important and I think he would do his hardest to avoid such a situation, even if it comes to that, he would sacrifice himself and make sure nobody is harmed.

10. Pushed to the brink of insanity, how would it unfold?

Let's say this cruel person tricked him into thinking offering himself up for sacrifice would save his siblings or his darling. Killed them when he was trapped and chained, he couldn't think of ways of saving them because he was too busy begging for them to be spared, sobbing and doing anything in his power to help, after the deed was done and he was left to the sight of blood, he can't do anything. He's frozen, and he's out of it. He may kill himself after it or die killing the person who made them suffer, all in all, the outcome is grim, and he's missing the pillars to give his support, he is willing to crumble to the ground and break into pieces. Seeing as they are sent on dangerous missions, this consequence is not impossible.

If his darling were to live, survive, or was never taken in the first place, watching him live for what little days he would persist is devastating, he wouldn't be his usual chatty smiley self, and he would wither away sooner and later.

But, if everyone dear to him is fine and dandy, one night he may approach the said person, sit them, take out his cards ask them to pick a card while he's smiling like his usual self, he doesn't let them escape until they've chosen their fate. He's going to laugh watching their expression shift and he may say a few words if he's not too upset.

'If only you kept your mouth shut, we wouldn't have to do this, pity...'

Leave the body in the open, wipe his hands, and after changing his gloves walk back home with a hop in his step, whistling softly and pocketing his bloody cards. Ohoh, the public is going to love the scene he left them with, the mystery, the 'what happened', and 'why' are all going to be circulating the next morning.

11. Are they too stubborn to get what they want? Or are they patient enough to wait?

It's a mix of stubbornness and perseverance, he can wait though if it yields the result he wants, otherwise, he is quick to tinker and manipulate things to fall into his laps. Say, if his darling were to figure him out and expose himself to him, slam the door into his face, and discard him from her life altogether, he would be very stubborn and persist to exist in her life and force himself into it. You see, he wants attention, he needs it, and she has to give it to him because then how would he live on? If coupled with desperation, he may say he was going to jump off a building and if she wants to save him, she has to come to his magic show. [spoiler: it was part of his trick during the show] Otherwise, that would be his final farewell.

He finds ways to bring his darling back into the picture or himself in her life, he's a jealous little Rascal and he doesn't want anyone else to take his place, he wants what rightfully belonged to him and was given to him, he doesn't want it to be stolen away from him. He earned it!

12. Dirty secrets.

Ahem, I'd like to say none, but I'm sure he has some. Sometimes, when he hugs his darling from behind and she can't feel him because she's asleep and there's nothing she can do to stop him, he just has to squeeze himself closer to her and wrap his leg around her tights and keep pushing till their clothed parts are so close, he pretends it's their first time sleeping together and takes advantage of the situation, because when else will he get the chance again? Of course, their real first time should be after they've been glued for life, he just couldn't handle it.

Even when darling is up and smiling, he pulls her to him and just enjoy the sensation of her skin, kissing her neck and relishing in the cuteness of her denial, might be the one time his darling feels violated and of course, he apologies soon after. He wasn't thinking straight.

13. Creepy things they like/dislike to do.

He finds it creepy when he watches his darling sleep, he doesn't know how to feel about himself when he stands there in their room or sleeping beside her, sometimes he coerces himself to sleep and rarely he can't sleep, over time it becomes a wholesome pastime for him and he doesn't find it all that weird.

And notice when he mentions something very specific about his darling's features, that's because he spent the majority of his time observing her. It can be creepy if Darling keeps a tab on what appeals to him and what he usually compliments her with.

Especially right after waking up beside him and hearing him whisper that in her ear. It would just be more flattering for an oblivious darling.

14. Moral compass, empathy, kindness.

His moral compass might be a little crooked, but he does have some no doubt, just that he doesn't show it often enough, being with the fatui has degraded him to some extent, stealing, lying, forced entry, all the basic things one has to do in the fatui, perhaps one day he'll be demanded to kill someone and he wouldn't have a choice. Empathy is a little hard for him to initiate unless he's trying to understand someone, situations, and so on, but he does let himself be empathetic around his family and a few dear friends otherwise, he's pretty carefree and nonchalant. Kindness he shows a lot, at least from what he has observed around him and come to know. Plus, kindness is what gets him into other's people lives and he will continue it till the day he drowns and dies.

15. Can they move on from one to another?

He might try, otherwise, it's nearly impossible he clings to any semblance of kindness and love, his darling proved him of it, he deserves the things he wants if not now then at some point indeed, of course, to make his darling jealous and come to him willingly he might pretend to be in love with someone else if it backfires and his darling just doesn't like him anymore, it might be time for him to kill someone in her life. He can be a hypocrite if he wants, gaslight her, and speak all sorts of things to get into her head and slowly but surely trap her in his life. Forever.

16. Do they have control over their anger and sadness?

Yup, in a normal situation, his control over anger and frustration is simply admirable, again if his family or darling is involved it is laughable how quickly he loses his cool and compresses like a balloon, he does things recklessly and doesn't think twice even if given time to reconsider. Sadness, I think he deals with it every day, or else he wouldn't have to be putting on a big smile and over-the-top cheerful personality. Behind closer doors, alone and with nobody to entertain, he drops his smile and leans forward, and he'll stay that way until sleep calls him or his siblings enter his room. Those times are simply too small and never lets himself be away from his darling or family.

17. If they are wronged, how would they go about it?

His first instincts would be to run and make sure his darling doesn't see him in an ugly light because he's a magician and he makes people smile, does tricks, and entertains, he wouldn't want her to see him any different he's lyney the grinning and famous entertainer he did his best to build up that reputation, he doesn't want to risk tearing it apart so face to face confrontation in public is rare, but he will appear at night with darkness around him and that person will have chills running down their spine seeing how cold and eerie he looks glaring at them, he attempts to lighten the mood with dark jokes and play tricks when they try to avoid him, he'd would be pretty annoying to deal with, and finally when he has spoken his mind he'll make them face death for a second then, he lets them live or they die with fear strucken eyes.

18. Do their eyes wander or are they too shy to look at anyone?

Oh! He's a confident rascal, his eyes wander everywhere to observe details and drink in his darling's features and her stature, he's a sneaky little parasite latching on to any attention his darling gives him and he'll have hearts in his eyes if it were possible, he is utterly in love and he wants to see her for all she is and he will not allow his eyes rest unless he's seen everything he needs to.

19. When sexually aroused, do they contain their desires or just give in to the urges?

During his shows, he's a little cautious about letting himself get excited and waits till the performance is done, at home or somewhere safe, he's pretty quick to go red in the face and tease back, the story is different if his darling is very resistant to desires and doesn't allow herself to be influenced much, it makes him so irritable and desperate, he'll beg easily in such state and he'll do everything he can to make her hands touch him, lean in closer than needed, slowly pull off his gloves and his cape, loosen his shirt and keep his hat down, make his darling sit beside him and within no time he's so close their shoulders are touching and his eyes are so focused on her, and his hands are just itching to touch her skin if he sees any indication of her trying to leave, he'll be quick to restrain by climbing on top of her seated figure and looking down with bedroom eyes, you see he's a little desperate today and he will say so, requesting she put her hands on him and let things happen naturally.

20. What would they do with themselves after they've been left behind?

Oops, his darling left him when he was busy looking at some gadgets he's so hurt! No problem though he'll find her soon, you see it wouldn't take darling long to grow tired of his presence and just try to ditch him on the streets and return home, duck down another street when she sees him coming her way. The first few times, she would be successful in evading him but as time goes on and he adapts the same tricks won't work and she will not be able to get away for a long time. By then, he'll have his arms wrapped in hers and he is not letting go until she comes home with him, has dinner with him and his siblings, and then maybe she can leave.

21. Will they control themselves from harming another person? Is it messy? Does it get physical?

Yes, at first he will refrain from harming anyone, let a guy talk to his darling while he's right there beside her and smiling a mischievous smile while clinging onto her like a kola, forcibly turn her face back to him whilst pretending something was on her face, it gets annoying after a few, it doesn't end there, any questions that are too personal to ask or just something he doesn't approve of, he'll squeeze his darling's thigh or hand depending on how far their relationship has progressed, play a few tricks and fool the person into thinking they are in danger it works like a charm on friends, not on families though. They are much harder to push away so he can have all his darling's attention but, hey, why take them out of the picture when he can just take his darling with him?

Sure, after he's done all the tricks in the book and nothing has worked, he'll get messy and he will use blackmail, past records, guilt trip, and gaslight, he'll do the psychological gimmicks in the beginning, pushing the boundaries and waiting to see if they he has to step in and get his hands real dirty.

22. Their kinks/fetishes.

I get the feeling he likes soft hands, bigger or smaller than his, he's just a little too focused on them, he looks at them half the time and if she allows it he's holding it, something about intertwined hands just gets him giddy, another thing he likes is dragging her hand to touch him all over and of course, it takes place when his darling is busy with something else and he likes to whisper into her ears while he's doing it, hide his face in her neck and hope it gets her excited.

This little rascal likes to tease and see how much she can withstand his advances, as mentioned above he tries to get touchy and pull her into a deeper kiss if she's resisting him, but he backs off when his gestures aren't returned and pouts, attempt to strike a deal and hope his darling is brave enough to take the initiative, for example, 'next time, you gotta be the one to kiss me, it's been so long since you've showed some affection?' if it works and darling wants to whatever he wants [which he likes] oh they are going to have a night he'll never forget.

23. Do they like children, are they understanding?

Yeah, he likes children. He is pretty understanding too so if he were to become a father and have his legacy continued, he would do everything in his power to help grow his kids into something, read them bedtime stories, braid their hair, and play hide and seek. He would be a cool dad and try to keep the little ones out of any shady business and protect them from things they shouldn't know, others ask where their mother is and who his wife is, around this time he and his darling are married and nobody other than family knows it so the curiosity when he brings a kid looking so familiar to him to a candy shop or a toy shop, it gets people talking. He doesn't seem to care much as rumors spread and if he could he would try to pin down whoever opened their mouth and make them disappear, he has got his wife somewhere safe with him, he's just cautious about letting her out without him since well, she acts like she hates him. Which she shouldn't, why? Because they have a child to take care of.

More likely than not Lyney would have baby trapped his darling any chance he got, you see he would like to give his kids the life he wanted and be very close to them. He won't force it yet, but he'll plant some seeds and see how his darling reacts, but he is rather sneaky and his darling wouldn't know when he got her pregnant. That time when he tried to perform a magic trick but it turned into something intimate? Or when he riled her up and made her lose her mind? Sadly for her, she's out of luck.

24. Are they controlling?

Not really. He is manipulative, to some extent otherwise all he cares is keeping his darling all to himself.

25. If rejected, what would they do?

Ohoh, well he wouldn't get rejected the first time he confesses, his darling would likely reject him after knowing him for a while and seeing his habits after they've shared a bed and needing to escape his overwhelming need for attention. Seeing all the disagreeable tactics he uses, no one would blame her. But would he take it nicely? Sure, he tries to, puts on a convincing facade, and shortly he'll want her back meaning he will do many things to prove her wrong and get her to like him again, what changed? If he was desperate because his darling was playing hard to get, being rejected would just steer him to force himself on her and pray no one noticed them when they vanished into a small alleyway. He'll play his magic and keep her asleep for a few days, then maybe he can try confessing again until she accepts.

26. Are they willing to confine someone to stay with them forever and live happily ever after?

Yes and no, he knows being trapped will just get her spirits down but if he has no choice then he wouldn't be all that empathetic, she made him chase her for so long now it's his turn to have some fun. Ultimately, kidnapping will still be his last resort.

28. Would they be able to live happily?

Absolutely, all he wants is his darling and his family if he has those two together, he will die happy.

[ragnarlothcat]

you KNOW i’m rolling up to ask about groundhog (my beloved……….)

Ahhh my poor sad groundhog day fic. You know, when I started writing that thing in 2021 I thought to myself "this will be my magnum opus, my seminal interpretation of the relationship between Obi-Wan and Anakin and probably my favourite fic." Then I got distracted by 50 other story ideas and the continued passage of time and it all fell apart around me. Now, if I'd been trapped in a groundhog day time loop of my own, then perhaps...

The last chapter ended with Obi-Wan basically saying that his own transgression (faking his death in the Rako Hardeen arc) was unkind, sure, but that it's not like Anakin doesn't keep important secrets of his own. And the next chapter is Anakin gradually wrestling with that fact, that maybe he isn't as forthcoming as he could be and that truths and lies are more nuanced than he'd considered. Here's the scene where Anakin bumps into Aayla in the hallway for the (eighth?) time.

This is the sort of thing he means: Aayla’s love life is interesting (quite interesting, actually. How long has it been going on? Does anyone else know? Does Kit insist on having sex underwater and if so, how long can Aayla hold her breath?), but it’s not something Anakin needs to know.

Or is it?

If honesty is such a virtue, shouldn’t everyone else be honest too? Yeah, Anakin never told Aayla about Padmé, but the two situations aren’t even the same. Anakin was dating a senator, whereas Aayla is entangled with another Jedi, a councilor, even, and sleeping with a councilor is much bigger deal, ethically.

Probably.

Actually, is it? Padmé had suggested that there was some sort of conflict of interest in their relationship since the Jedi technically report to the senate. Anakin hadn’t seen any problem with it a) because when Padmé had brought this up, he had been in the middle of undressing her and the Republic’s chain of command had been low on his list of priorities.

And b), it’s not like Anakin has ever listened to orders, from the senate or otherwise. Maybe with some other Jedi it might have been an issue, but with Anakin? He’d simply laughed and kissed Padmé and assured her that he’d treat her with the same level of respect he treats all politicians.

(He remembers the pillow to the face that comment provoked with a wince.)

Either way, maybe he and Aayla should be more open with each other. Aayla can tell him all about her dalliance with Kit (seriously, are they in love? Can Anakin help plan the wedding?) and Anakin will tell her—

Anakin will tell her about his two-year relationship with Padmé, and how it all fell apart around him.

Hmm.

“Anakin? Are you okay? You’ve just been sort of…standing there.”

So he has.

“I’m fine,” Anakin lies. “I was just thinking.”

“Thinking?”

Anakin’s been doing a lot of thinking recently. What else is there to do when imprisoned in the same day and on the same planet? “Aayla, I have something I want to tell you. Something I want to ask.”

“Of course,” she replies, and she brushes against him in the Force. “Anything, Anakin.”

When Anakin first joined the Jedi, he struggled to fit in. He was always too much for the other Padawans. Too angry, too talented, too impatient.

But Aayla, the Padawan of one of Obi-Wan’s most inexplicable friends, had been a few years older. Mature enough and kind enough to spend time with the unruly little boy none of the other younglings had wanted around.

Anakin can do this. Anakin can open his mouth

I was in a two-year relationship with Padmé, and I never told you. I never told anyone. And now I know you’re seeing Kit Fisto. Why haven’t you told me? Do I not seem like the kind of person you can trust with a secret? Do you also sometimes have nightmares about your master finding out about your relationship, about your weakness, your need to be loved?

Are you scared he’ll turn you away?

“Never mind,” Anakin says, and shakes his head. “You have to see Luminara—”

“What? No, I mean, how did you—”

“—and I have to report to the council.” The Jedi Council. The same group of people who aided and abetted Obi-Wan massive deception. Who lied to Anakin’s face as he unraveled, trying to find the man who he believed had murdered his master, his dearest friend, his—

“Right,” Aayla says slowly, and she withdraws. “Well, we can always talk later. It’s not good to keep things bottled up.”

No, Anakin thinks, as he continues down the hall. It really isn’t.

[cookiethebirdthing]

The Youkai at the End of the Bridge

Parsee Mizuhashi felt the pain before she even realizes she is jealous. It was a pit opening in her stomach. A gaping maw that was filled with naught but bitter scornful jealousy. It was indistinguishable from hunger. Perhaps this made sense; it too demands sustenance—to be fed.

But she was used to it, too. It hardly lessened the pain, but it did tell her it would pass. That shortly it will be as if it never happened. But it is happening. It did happen. She couldn't deny it, but she will soon forget.

She averted her gaze. Why did she do this? She knew. She knew what would happen. There was a reason she didn't visit Yuugi at work. Or at home. Or anywhere really. Why should it matter if she talks to someone else? It might be nothing. She doesn't know for sure. She can't. Not that it mattered; she didn't own Yuugi. They weren't even dating. Not that it would change that.

And so what if they were? If a (hypothetical) girlfriend wanted to see other people, that wasn't a problem. She wasn't possessive. She wasn't monogamous. She knew this. She wasn't even interested in Yuugi that way. She knew it wouldn't end well. She knew she didn't actually love her, no matter how much she knows she does. It isn’t real.

Parsee needs to talk to her, needs to hear her voice, needs to know she isn't being cast aside. She knew she wasn't. She knows she is. She knows what she did is wrong. She knows what she said is wrong. No matter how many times Yuugi lies to her through her teeth, pretending everything is alright in the world, she knows that’s all it is: lies. She knows that Yuugi has to lie to her. Her friend isn't stupid. No one could miss how unstable she is, how quick to anger she is, how quick to be consumed by jealousy she is, how quick to break she is.

Yuugi knows this; she's been the cause of it more times than Parsee could count. She knows exactly how Parsee would react. So, she lies. And even if she doesn’t know all that, who could just tell someone to their face how dreadful—how absolutely despicable—they are?

She ran. She ran all the way back to her pathetic little bridge. She ran straight into the hiding place she dug in the earth beneath it. The door slammed shut behind her, but all she could hear was her own heartbeat thudding in her ears. She wants to scream, to break something, to hurt someone, to hurt herself, to do anything that matters. No matter how much she wishes to get closer to the one who causes her pain, she knew it wouldn't help. She can't burden her closest friend with that: with herself.

And so she hid and waited for it all to pass; to be back to normal or as close as she ever could be. She didn't do any of the self-destructive things she desperately needs to do. She knew it would pass. But soon enough it will be back. It always came back. At just the slightest touch she cracks. She always does.

Maybe if she told Yuugi, it would be better. That's what that satori always said, right? Communication was important. No other being could read minds. Hated as she was, that satori could find it in her to help Parsee.

And yet the ones who have it all only seemed to hurt her. Yuugi, who was the closest thing this cursed prison had to a ruler, is out there smiling and chatting, oblivious to the pain she’s causing. She's out there making new friends. Friends that are better than Parsee. Friends that she doesn't need to avoid because they’re too much. Friends that she isn't eager to take any chance to be free from. Friends she doesn’t regret showing kindness to once upon a time. She knows better than anyone, even a mindreader, how to hurt Parsee. She knows what she is doing.

Tears rolled down Parsee’s cheeks. It was all too much. She knows that Yuugi will never need her in the same way she needed Yuugi. And so she wept, deeper underground than even the most hated of youkai: where she hid her heart such that no one will ever find it.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I think the only headcanon I like and remember consistently is Killer having attachment issues in the way

When any relationship gets too real, he does his best to push the other one away. Actively doing things he knows the other one won't like so they'll leave him, because he doesn't deserve any kind of good-ish relationships. He thinks they'd do better in life without him. Uhh I think it's just a case of self-hatred, if I know my emotions right(which I don't)

Yes i agree. Although I think the reasons behind this isn’t as straight forward as it seems. Very important to keep in mind that Killer has a dissociative disorder—this will affect his attachments. Such as in his Stages.

For Stage 2, i genuinely think he is not interested in emotional connections, or at least is convinced he is. He views them as a threat to his independence and emotional detachment, and views himself as not capable of having them.

He prefers to live his fantasies out in his mind where it’s safer and less risk—where he has control. The second anything comes too real, and he starts filling engulfed, he will detach himself and start actively self sabotage to make them leave. This is to protect himself, and only himself.

There isn’t exactly a sense of “I don’t deserve this/you,” exactly. The most I can see this mindset cropping up is in his relationship with Color. For everyone else it’s more like, “I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone.” (Which is rich, considering his entire codependency shit with Nightmare. Silly little un-self aware bastard he is.

Although with Nightmare he doesn’t really have to worry about giving a shit about Nightmares emotions genuinely unless they impact him—he just does what he’s told or what he has to, and in return he gets purpose and direction.)

This is his schizoid and antisocial tendencies. Which i headcanon killer to have traits of in Stage 2. I think Stage 2 would have a dismissive avoidant attachment style.

In Stage 1, it’s much like you said—feeling undeserving—but also feeling deeply afraid of being engulfed, controlled, rejected, or abandoned or hurt again—although he deeply craves emotional connection and validation and safety.

For me, personally, Stage 1 is either anxious preoccupied attachment style, or fearful avoidant.

I’m not quite certain about how it’d manifest in Stages 3 and 4—mostly because killer doesn’t really attach much in these states. These two have bigger things to worry about than getting attached—and possibly don’t even conceive things like relationships.

Which, yeah, these are dissociative adaptations meant to keep killer alive or avoid suffering in ways that may be outdated to his current situation. Based on certain interpretations, Stage 3 is more likely to be entirely focused on the immediate moment and himself—nothing and no one else. Stage 4 is entirely unlikely to be focused on itself at all.

This would likely change and develop when Killer manages to form genuine connections and escape the dangerous abusive environment he is in— such as with Color, and then perhaps eventually with the rest of the Epic Sanses and the Chromatic Crew. And of course, the Stages are all still the same person— so there will be ripple effects.

[stanliestduo]

I'm currently reading Journal 3 for the first, time, and I have to say that when people characterize Ford, they don't acknowledge just how much of an asshole he is. And I think ignoring this part of him genuinely does a disservice to his character.

Ford is perhaps one of the most complex, if not the most complex characters in the Gravity Falls series. I have watched the show and I'm only at just the point where Fiddle shows up to meet Ford for his project in Journal 3 (Have not started Book of Bill yet so please don't spoil me), but this is already building up such an interesting study of him. Ford is at this point in the journal a self isolating, selfish asshole. So far, he's been able to exist away from the general population. He's the type of person that seemingly can be by themselves for very, very long periods of time. However, when Fiddleford comes to help him, he immediately says having a friend there has increased his energy and how generous he wanted to be to Fiddle when he first came! Only to, on the very next page, talk about the things Fiddle does that annoy him and mention a computer he made him that, despite the work Fiddle did in making it fit his six fingered hands, will never use, and even insults it before thinking about fucking with his friend's Cubic's cube just to make him mad. Ford essentially is all glowing review and talking about how much his friend means to him in concept, but having to deal with anyone else for any length of time after that initial meeting makes him see their flaws. He doesn't trust Fiddle to know his secret and even questions if he could ever "truly appreciate" the fates that brought him and his muse together. There's also a joke Ford makes about how, when Fiddle has a picture of his family on his desk, Ford only has a pic of Nikola Tesla. Ford thinks very little of his family during this isolation, the most thought being given to Stanley in the form of thinking he and his mother are liars, or in the form of a nightmare. And perhaps this is all misreading since I haven't finished the journal yet, but at this point in time Ford seems emotionally distant in a way where he is almost looking for things to be mad at Fiddle for, reasons to keep him distant. I think Ford is used to being alone and isolated because he's grown up mostly friendless aside from Stan, and so does not fully appreciate what it takes to keep a friendship alive. In theory, I think he does want friends, but he's also looking at their use. At this point in the story, Fiddle is useful to him, and the most positively he thinks about anyone is the muse, whom we know to be Bill Cipher, who at this point hasn't done anything but provide Ford with inspiration then leave. His only real friend, the only person whom he had a true emotional connection with was Stan, and that has been effectively cut off. Without Stan, people are whatever they can provide to him, and easily cut off (as we see from how quickly in the show he was willing to tell Fiddle to go fuck himself the second Fiddle tried to leave the project). I think these are traits which he has to actively fight against as well as he grows as a character, but also I think this is important to note in that, even when he does not LIKE Stan, he still has nightmares over him, he thinks about him, and is still so deeply affected by even his own isolation from him, from himself cutting Stan off. Because if even Stan can fail him, of course everyone else will. Consciously or not, Ford's emotional distance that is hidden with his chipper attitude and drive for science above all else is a protection so that what happened between him and Stan will never happen again.

[bumblingbabooshka]

(anon from before) ok that is genuinely so hilarious to me but what I meant was what do you think of it as a meditation tool/nugget of Tuvok and Vulcan lore? It reminds me a lot of your fic about Vulcan bonds being like a house. (<- a horrible summary of your beautiful fic I do apologize but I hope you know what I mean) in that the final form/shape is ever changing depending on a persons mental state. The imagery of the (silly little) structure that Tuvok was building in that episode toppling over with him saying “I am in control” and because he was mentally unwell (with the telepathic std lmao) gives me like,,,, “the structure of your home/the metaphorical rug being pulled out from under you after u got transported 70,000 light years away from your bondmate and entire world and network of bonds” vibes.

Side note I think that it has great potential as a physical representation of a failing Vulcan marriage/betrothal in a hypothetical SNW T’pring/Spock episode. <- if I had my way in the SNW writers room, all hell would break loose lmao

Is there a real connection? Am I just fangirling over your fics? We shall never know (one of those is certainly the case)

Original Ask: Thoughts on the Keethera? (Tuvok’s block puzzle thing from s3 ep2) <- At the time I had no thoughts as I didn't understand what anon was asking. The Keethera is very interesting. I've said this before but it's interesting and indicative of his character that the two games/meditation exercises we see Tuvok partaking in are the Keethera and Kal-Toh, both of which do not have a hard and fast ideal or win-state and are meant to show the person or people building them something about themselves. It's very much unlike chess, which is Spock's game of choice. The Keethera is more a diagnostic tool and Kal-Toh speaks to the core of Vulcan emotional control - that is, the ability to find harmony where there is seemingly only random chaos. Tuvok's not doing well mentally. I don't think Tuvok's been doing well mentally since vanishing into the delta quadrant, much like everyone else, however unlike everyone else he doesn't seem to have any sort of....safety net? Anyone to confide in? Nor does he seem to WANT to or know how to confide in others - how to be open about his pain or need for help.

I like this interaction in which instead of having to say that he's struggling, Kes can simply look at the Keethera and see that he is. Tuvok's inability to effectively share his pain with others makes sense - they're all aliens to him and he isn't close with any of the Vulcans on the crew. He's also a person who prides himself on being solitary and strong and Vulcan. As seen in 'Alter Ego' he intentionally cultivates an air of being utterly separate from others even when ostensibly participating in a group activity and is shown several times in the series to think himself above others. [Ex: Neelix, Chakotay, B'Elanna, Humans in general] However, the image he has of himself makes reaching out for help incredibly difficult. He has cultivated an image in which he is utterly unlike the others, in which he is better, less prone to being hurt, and because he stakes his pride on this image he now cannot ask for help without it going against his image and damaging the reputation he enjoys holding. I think this is a relatable problem. Personally, when I was a teenager, I had cultivated an image of being a jokester and bubbly person which I struggled valiantly to maintain even when I was going through severe bouts of depression. The idea of myself as someone who was a jokester and happy all the time was very important to me and losing that felt like it would be 'giving in' to my depression and losing my identity when in reality my refusal to actually address my depression was causing my depression to worsen. In Tuvok's case, his identity pre-delta quad is perhaps the only thing he has left of his old life. It's stated and implied multiple times by the narrative that Tuvok is lonely and misses his family and that that loneliness is beginning to cause him to act in ways he normally wouldn't (Compare him to Marayna in 'Alter Ego'). The fact that he misses his family and is lonely is also relevant due to the fact that family ties are INCREDIBLY important in Vulcan culture. Tuvok's family is obviously very close but more relevant to this, family ties are stated across several episodes to be crucial in dealing with trauma or mental stress. Personal information seems to be [across multiple series] very private to Vulcans. Personal information is sensitive and intimate and not something you share with just anyone. To me it's natural to assume that this is also a contributing factor in Tuvok's resistance towards reaching out for help. He feels it's something private that he should only share with other Vulcans who are close to him or a healer - but no such person exists on Voyager and his closest friend is the captain, whom he doesn't want to 'burden' with his problems when he can handle them alone [or so he thinks] and so he endures and endures and endures in silence. The Keethera showcases Tuvok's mental state not only in its structure but in Tuvok's persistent mantra that he is fine despite the clear signs to the contrary. "I am in control," he says, as the Keethera falls apart. It is also telling that Tuvok has no separate course of action. After the Keethera crumbles and Kes leaves, Tuvok just starts building the Keethera again. It's a meditational aid and helps focus the mind but something strikes me as incomplete or wishful about him continually building it, alone, and only to watch it crumble. What else can he do but continually punch the numbers and watch as he's told over and over again that he's not okay?

Tuvok's conversation with Kes at the end of 'Warlord' is something I love. I think it's very good advice on dealing with trauma that he struggles to follow himself. We never see the completed Keethera at the end of 'Flashback' - there is no assurance that his mind is completely healed from the trauma he's endured. [Even if the memory was not strictly 'real', his reactions to it were and thus we can say he DID have a repressed traumatic memory] Instead we see him talking with Janeway, with a friend, and we perhaps know that even if it isn't - he's not alone.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

"I'm sorry... I didn't even realize" for the "why are you avoiding me" prompt list, anyone of your choice <3

"i'm sorry...i didn't even realize" tw: depression

Essek doesn't like to think he's particularly needy. For so long now, he's danced on this tightrope solo, entirely responsible for his own survival in these war games he started. It's instilled in him a comfort in being alone, something he's been more often than not as he's been forced to stay on the run from the various entities who'd like to bring him to his knees.

Which is why it's so very strange, this grumbling in his chest, when for the third day in a row, his sending has gone unanswered. He's been in this derelict cabin in the Copia Wildwood for two weeks now, languishing and bored, and all he wants to do is be somewhere else. He doesn't think it's asking too much to reach out to Caleb for distraction—Tell me what you're working on, Caleb Widogast. Surely it is more interesting than the crumbling walls of this shack.—and yet his entreaties are answered with silence, and it's driving Essek mad.

Maybe he's done something. It's true that it's been longer than usual since he's visited the little cottage in Rexxentrum that is the closest thing he knows to home—perhaps Caleb has taken offense to his prolonged absence. Or maybe it's the question itself; is Essek prying where he ought not be prying?

(There is, of course, the horrifying possibility that Caleb is unable to reply to Essek's sendings, that something has happened to him, that in his desperate instinct for his own survival, Essek has left the most important person in his world vulnerable and alone. No. Caleb is capable. This is a possibility Essek cannot entertain, even for a moment. Not if he is to stop himself from going mad in this Light-blasted cabin.)

Three more days of silence, and Essek is ready to pull his hair out. He doesn't care that it's risky, doesn't care that Beau warned him of increased interest in his whereabouts in the chatter overheard from the Cerberus Assembly. He throws his meager belongings into his pack and quickly erases all traces of himself from the cabin. He takes out the thick wool gloves that Caleb gave him for their many sojourns to Aeor and uses them to focus his teleport. The familiar push and pull is almost a comfort as he disappears and reappears in the foyer of Caleb's cottage.

The place is a mess. The cats have clearly taken over, meowing in chorus and digging through the already-ransacked pantry. The smell is atrocious, and the worry Essek's been holding at bay rises in him like a tidal wave.

He doesn't call out, in case there are others in the house. He glides silently toward the closed bedroom door, almost too afraid to know what's on the other side of it.

What he finds is Caleb's bedroom, much as he remembers it, but far less bright and airy. The curtains have all been drawn, and there is debris and detritus from half-eaten meals everywhere. There is a large lump beneath the duvet, which Essek approaches slowly. "Light, is that you?" The lump shifts, and Essek floats to sit on the edge of the mattress just beside it. He pulls the duvet back to reveal the most disheveled, unkempt Caleb Widogast he has ever seen in his life.

"Oh dear." There is a haunted look in Caleb's eyes, eyes which seem to stare straight through Essek as if he isn't even there. His beard, normally shiny and well-shaped, is scraggly and rough, and the hair Essek loves to card his fingers through is oily and matted.

"Essek?" Caleb croaks. Essek wonders how long it's been since he's spoken, since he's had water. "You...are here."

"I'm here, my Light. You had me very worried." When Caleb's brow furrows in confusion, he says, "You haven't been answering my messages."

The confusion doesn't go away. "Oh. I'm sorry...I didn't even realize...I don't remember hearing them."

Essek doesn't even know where to begin. "It's been nearly a week since we last spoke. What happened?"

The glassiness has returned to Caleb's eyes, and Essek wants to climb inside of him and claw him back from wherever he is retreating within himself. "A week. I did not notice that either."

"How about we forget the whys, yes? First, a bath, and I will clean the cottage." He quickly casts prestidigitation on the few plates and bowls piled up on Caleb's nightstand in demonstration. "And then some proper food, I think, for you and the cats, and when you're ready, you can tell me what has been keeping you from me this past week."

Caleb nods, and Essek leans down to kiss his sweaty forehead. As he gets up to go run the water for Caleb's bath, his mind is swirling and buzzing with the possibilities of what has so thoroughly reduced the strongest person he knows to shambles, but he knows that he would face down the Dwendalian and Xhorasian armies together if it meant being here to help him piece himself back together.

[meanbossart]

I've been really enjoying your fic and it got me curious about how your campaign went??? I got the important parts (your Durge denied Bhaal, Shadowheart spared nightsong I think, Astarion obviously didn't ascend) but what else happened? Will we ever see any of the other companions?

Thanks for enjoying the story! I can say with pretty much certainty we won't be seeing any other canonical characters from the game, Jaheira, Minsc and Halsin would have stayed behind in Baldur's Gate, as well as Wyll. My Durge killed Lae'zel early in the game and Karlach also died at the end of my campaign.

Gale's character decided to go after the crown, and while he was the staple fourth member of my party the relationship had always been uh... Tense. This was before they apparently patched out how needy he was, but frankly it made for a really interesting story since i just kind of assumed his character was kind of a creep wearing a nice-guy's face. Also, to be fair, I DID fall for his "wanna see a magic trick" line but that just kindled the fire to my theory that he's actually a fairly manipulative person (and perhaps he's unaware of it). MIND YOU PLEASE that this doesn't mean i don't like his character - honestly i feel like I got a REALLY interesting side of him in my campaign and i wouldnt have it any other way - this was a party composed of the dark urge, Astarion, Shadowheart and GALE and to have us all turn down power and glory only for the goody-two-shoes wizard of the camp to turn kinda evil and power-hungry made for a really satisfying narrative.

... Sorry i ended up rambling about Gale LOL to actually answer the rest of your question, my campaign went like this:

I made a Fighter, champion sub-class, BIG hulking drow because i thought it would be funny. Because i went in blind I started off as a confused homicidal murderer who is a liiiittle weirded out about his urges but he doesnt stress TOO much about it. Is fairly standoffish and distrusting toward all of his companions which made for a weird start. Motivated by gold, killing things, getting this worm out his head and making off-color jokes. Ends up siding with the Tieflings because i also decided that, as a very hedonistic character who thinks we should be lunatics because we want to rather than because a cult is telling us to be, my durge would profoundly hate the absolute. As a male drow he also really hated Minthara so yeah, easy choice there. As mentioned above, I also killed Lae'zel when she tried to murder-suicide everybody.

I wasn't going to fuck anyone, believe it or not, so during the tiefling party i went with Gale because it SEEMED like he just wanted to show me something neat (it ended early because i failed his checks and i guess he can't get hard unless i can cast fireball). Also, at this point even though i made mostly "good" moral choices i *was* still a dick the whole time - despite this, everyone in camp wanted to fuck me BESIDES Astarion, which was so fucking funny and devastating that I decided my Durge would, from that moment on, turn on the charm and the flattery and make it his mission to bang him. So yes, they were manipulating each other. I don't have to explain why that made for a really really fun little dynamic. Also Astarion had to tell me he was a vampire through dialogue instead of biting me and i got to say "yeah duh" which was hysterical.

I finally banged him sometime during the underdark (didn't go to the creche at all) and during Act 2 I followed the same pattern of doing mostly the Good Thing while being arrogant the whole time, I fell into a kind of chaotic-neutral/true-neutral aligment and watched my little homicidal maniac cluelessly stumble his way into a hero's journey. I had also really grown to like Shadowheart at that point after having a really negative first impression of her character and she basically became my durge's best friend. Astarion also grew on me for all the reasons we know and love and he did his confession to me sometime in late act 2. I Never met Araj (though i think i mention her in the fan story only because her interaction is interesting) so I got the dialogue that isn't prompted by her encounter. I also had to "break up" with Gale at this point which boy that sure came as a surprise to me! I also didnt break the shadow curse.

Because I didnt kill isobel (Again, my guy didnt like people telling him what to do or not to do), my little butler guy made me wanna kill Astarion. I SWEAR this happened pretty late in game, maybe even in the first night in baldur's gate which i realize is unusual. Naturally I didnt and I decided that would be the turning point where my Durge decides to not just Go With The Flow of things but actively fight his urge and pursue its root cause. He tried to be more of a good person from that point on which was kind of a clumsy effort lol

He completely antagonized the emperor immediately upon him revealing his true identity, stole the orphic hammer from Raphael's house, betrayed Gortash after setting an "alliance" with him, killed Orin (she kidnapped the orphan and killed her in front of me because i failed the check :| ) stopped Astarion from ascending and helped Shadowheart kill everyone in the house of grief, i let her make her own choice regarding her parents and she decided to kill them. I also encouraged her to not immediately align with the Selunites just because of her past.

I got Astarion the thing that helps him read the necromancy book and i cannot tell you how satifyins it was that, after giving up unspeakable power by killing Cazador, that dude and his little ghoul army basically mauled Orin and her grandad for me practically by themselves while I was down on the floor with 1 health. PROUD OF YOU BUDDY.

Gale spoke to Mystra as well at some point and i swear I NEVER encouraged that guy to take the crown for himself. It was always either "do whatever you want" or "i think thats a shitty idea." At this point my Durge was super sick of him so they had a bit of a crappy relationship which may have something to do with how things turned out.

I betrayed the emperor, released Orpheus and when he asked if any of us wanted to be a mindflayer i went "Fuck No" big time and luckily the guy just did it for me. Chaos ensues, I kill the emperor and the absolute in an epic battle that took me like a whole day. I also killed Orpheus when he asked me to. Karlach died ( :c ) and Gale told me he was gonna fuck off to get the crown. In the final Astarion dialogue I told him we would find a way to get him to walk under the sun again.... AAAAAnd thats it i think? Man this game is huge lmao i swear i wasnt trying to be long-winded.

[catsidhesilvie]

Look at these adorable lesbians LOOK AT THEM just don't look too closely bc I am not 100% satisfied with some of the anatomy lol

My spores druid in a long-running D&D game has always been the mom of the party. She is a 50yo half-elf from a rural northern village where she was adopted by a human couple who ran an inn that doubled as a bakery. Her town was largely a human town with no other elves or half-elves, and she was extra weird because she could hear whispers from fungi, so she was a little othered at first. There was one girl her age who did stand up for her a bit, and they ended up getting married at a young age.

Unfortunately, Winnie faced her first heartbreak shortly after when they realized that Vera would continue to age while Winnie still looked 20. Not being a full elf, she would age -- but still slowly enough that it would present a lifespan difference issue. The couple ended up divorcing amicably, and coupled with the death of her parents due to old age, it spurred Winnie on to leave home and make her way as an adventurer.

Unfortunately for her, Winnie finds herself waking up in a cave with her current adventuring party shortly after -- 2 weeks of memory lost -- and embroiled in a conflict between cults and gods.

Most of her party are significantly younger, even another pair of half-elves, and left her as the only responsible one in many situations. Paying for damaged inn rooms, healing, not immediately running off for one night stands. Everyone else in the party had romantic flings come up, but Winnie was focused on their job and had very specific rules for anyone she would be interested in -- the most important being compatible life spans so aging and loneliness wouldn't leave her upset again.

WELL. DM delivered this week, haha! Party went undercover to a formal ball at a noble's home to investigate, and Winnie was a fish out of water. "That rug is probably worth more than the net income of my entire town...." she was disgusted by the misuse of gold towards things no one could possibly need, and terrified to make a misstep and get caught.

Fortunately(?), the other two half-elves in the party are runaway nobles themselves, pretending to be Winnie's siblings to escape recognition. Her "sister" sees her floundering and drags her to the dance floor, where I expected they would get to talk a bit or Winnie could be educated on the life of the rich.... but instead, a mysterious woman in black spots Winnie and beelines. Winnie is terrified but greets the stranger, who immediately takes to flirting with her. This shocks everyone, as poor Winnie is usually trying to blend in and the other half-elves are FAR more noticeable. This woman, Angelica, barely even acknowledges Winnie's sister in front of her. As a bit of payback, the sister insists Winnie go dance with the stranger, and Winnie thinks perhaps it is a chance for her (with her +1 CHA) to gather gossip for the mission.

Instead, Winnie is taken by surprise how borderline obsessive this woman is with her -- even guessing parts of her backstory that she is wary of. Is this someone tracking her? Meant to be a distraction?? She seems more comfortable with Winnie than anyone should be after only a few minutes. Winnie also gets a vibe that this human-looking woman is not in fact fully human. The party has met several deities already, and fortunately the magic doesn't seem to have a divine flavor.... but hm.

Winnie gets her answer shortly after when they are alone after plot events, and the woman admits that she knew Winnie in the past -- and that she knows what happened in the missing two weeks, though she cannot share bc magical craziness. Angelica says that she and Winnie were close, and she wishes to have a second chance with her... and when Winnie hesitates based on the idea that she may be human, Angelica brushes it off and says she is even older. Stunned, Winnie asks how it is possible -- and Angelica says that as long as Winnie promises not to be mad, she would share. Winnie, being a spores druid herself and, therefore, rather more open-minded than your standard druid, says as much -- though reserving her right to feel emotions that are warranted and reflexive.

Still, Angelica admits that she is a vampire, and Winnie is a bit shocked. Only days earlier had they heard a tale from a goddess about a group of heroes who fought and killed a vampire who was laying waste to a village. But.... at the edge of her memory, Winnie knows that she has met another vampire. Certainly in this erased past. Angelica says that while she must eat, if anyone could help her to be better, it is Winnie, and that she is in love with her.

Winnie manages a 27 insight check (hooray druids!) and realizes that she is being genuine -- and that Winnie did in fact care for this woman before.

Viewing the fact that vampires likely don't choose their fate, this one seems to be making an effort to be good, and trusting the her of her missing memory, Winnie agrees that she will give Angelica a chance. And!!! This is someone who could meet her druidic lifespan, and someone arguably even harder to kill than she is.

Now, though, she has to introduce her to the rest of the party so they can go raid the dungeon underneath the ballroom, because D&D.

I'm 100% certain this will go well and there are absolutely no red flags in this relationship that she is ignoring at all 🤣

But before the inevitable toxicity of a relationship with a literal mysterious vampire from an unknown past, I made cute art of their first meeting :D

[bietrofastimoff23]

Hello!!! all good? remember me? anyway! I come here to bring more things from my kfp au! (I hope you remember, if not, it's the one where Fenghuang meets Tai Lung before his incarceration)

First of all, I also did a rewrite of kfp4, it's on my profile, so I'm going to talk about a part that isn't in this post...

here, Fenghuang is summoned from Oblivion by Chameleon's spell, and after having her Kung Fu stolen, she manages to escape with Tai Lung and Kai (here the trio is Tai Lung, Fenghuang and Kai, send Shen to shit) but later After running away, they separate and only meet again near the end of the "film" (in quotes because it is a rewrite, not a film)

but before this part, Tai meets with Shifu (why was he there? long story, but it's not important now, follow the dialogue)

Shifu: "Fenghuang is here too?? wait... do you know her..?"

Tai: "oh.. yes, well, heh, how can I say, I've known her since I set foot in the palace... she told me about her story... and went to talk to me all the days... I wish I had I talked to her more before we separated..."

Shifu: "..."

and now the reunion scene, it starts off cool, Fenghuang sees Tai and approaches slowly, a little embarrassed but brave, and Tai Lung, just waiting, with a smile

Fenghuang: "Lung.. how long isn't it?.."

Tai: "it was enough for me, hehehe, it didn't even take that long!"

Fenghuang: "heavens, look at you, last time you were my size, now look, four feathers taller, hehehe... I can already see that you've changed... you seem calmer"

Tai: "I wanted to say the same, but you still look the same"

Fenghuang: "oh Oblivion doesn't change anyone, boy, but.. tell me.. how was it there in the spiritual realm...?"

(ehh I don't know what else to put here, so, bye bye, tell me your opinion)

heeey! of course I remember you. I'm fine, I hope you are too. sorry for the long wait, I wanted to give as meaningful and thoughtful an answer as possible. I'm just sharing my opinion, so if you don't agree, that's okay.

I've read your other notes. and I liked the teams you divided the heroes into, Kai and the five sound the most interesting as dynamics. in fact, this division reminded me of the second part of puss in boots, where the teams were striving for the same goal.

I'm not really sure which direction tai and feng dynamics are going in your case. I don't see them being embarrassed by each other, because she gives the impression of a very confident person and tai lung is full of self-conceit. and it seems to me that they are not so much attached to each other as to the old days, of which they are just a part. she looks at tai lung and is overcome with sadness and longing, but not for him, but for the time she missed being in Oblivion. she has not changed at all, and therefore Tai lung, looking at her, clearly sees his past, the lonely times when his only friend in the palace was an owl mocking him, who secretly sneaked there.

for me, this is not a story about friends, but about two loners whose relationship was not equal (because due to his age and isolation from other children, tai could sincerely consider it friendship, and feng, due to disappointment, perceived it as some kind of sadistic entertainment and a way to vent her inner anger by making offensive comments in his direction), but equally important in order to cope with dark times. in a sense, forced comrades.

perhaps this is too gloomy, especially since it is a kind of rewriting of history and not turning it 180 degrees. but.. I just feel that way and I can't do anything about it х)

[ephemeral--dreams]

Something Interesting. (4)

Dottore/Reader

Rating: T

Word count: 1112

Warnings: Dottore is his own warning, reader also starting to be deranged wow 

Notes: (Dottore voice) I can make you worse, but also better

( part 3 )

☆ ☾ ☆ ──────────────────

It's on a rare occasion when Dottore runs his tests on anyone else, because it is far more convenient to do it with you. When he does, it's usually a traitor, or someone who needs to be punished. Committing any sort of betrayal against the Fatui is a grave offense, after all. And Dottore's probably the worst one to deal out consequences. You know better than most exactly what he's capable of. 

Honestly, if it was someone innocent, even you would feel some sympathy. But considering that it's not, watching as he makes them scream and cry doesn't affect you all that much. You're more interested in him than the person he's working on. It's interesting, how detached he seems when he gets his hands on anyone but you. It reminds you of how he'd once been, back when you'd first come here. Clinical, chilly, cruel. Even like this you feel drawn to him. 

You like watching him as much as he likes watching you, it seems. 

It's not until a couple years in that you take a more active role in any of it. That you drift closer instead of staying back, that you assist him with his tools and parts and vials and whatever he's using on his victim. 

…Victim. It's an interesting word. You're often in this same position on the table, but you don't think of yourself that way.

It's a matter of context, you suppose.

Sometimes they think they can reason with you more than they can with Dottore. It's almost funny. As if you'd possibly let someone free from Dottore's clutches. No one ends up in this lab anymore unless they deserve to be here. Thus they deserve whatever happens to them. You have little love left for humanity and no interest in the pleadings of traitors. They won't find help from you.

No, you're more than content to stand by and take in Dottore from a perspective you rarely see him in. 

"You're a mess," You tell him, fingers wiping away the blood on the exposed part of his face. Not another thought is spared to the body dead lying next to you. 

"Perhaps. Yet you don't seem to mind," He smiles, lingering for a moment before shifting away. "I must clean up here. You're free to leave."

"...I'll stay until you're done."

"Do as you will."

☆

"Come on an errand with me."

It is an interesting request. You don't exactly… Leave the palace. Not that you couldn't. But what purpose do you have out there? Anything you want or need is provided here. If it wasn't here, Dottore would get it for you. He himself often spends most of his time in the lab, too. He utilizes his segments for the majority of things that require outside contact or resources, so it comes as even more of a surprise for him to ask this.

You weren't opposed to it, though. If he wanted you to accompany him…

"If you insist."

So you dig out your little-used coat, and allow him to drag you along as he goes about his business. And the next time he went out. And the next. 

There was always something bracing about the cold. Even though you'd grown up in Snezhnaya, it was so terribly icy here that there was no getting used to it, especially when you almost never left the heated interior of the palace. 

Long story short, it is a shock to your system. You would think having a pyro vision would make you run warm enough to fend off the chill, but that isn't the case.

Today's outing is a particularly long one. He's stopped at a few different places and had conversations you only half-listen in to. It doesn't matter if you pay attention, he'll probably discuss (ramble about) the details of it all later. What's important is that you're freezing. You wonder when he'll be done. 

Two hands reach out to cup your cheeks. You startle out of your thoughts, looking up at the culprit. He's doing that thing again, where he's careful and attentive in a way that has nothing to do with research. You still don't understand it. "Hm. I don't wish to deal with you dying from hypothermia today…"

You want to say that it doesn't matter, that you've already died from that very thing more than once, what's another time? But you're entirely too caught up in the intensity of his full attention on you.

"Y-you don't need to worry about that. I'm perfectly fine," If nothing else, your face is certainly heating up under his touch. Which doesn't escape his notice.

"If say we should test out alternative methods of warming you up, but we don't have time for that. Let us take a quick break indoors."

…You'd call that flirting if you didn't think it was just Dottore being Dottore.

☆

The cafe you enter is mostly empty. You take a table in the corner and let Dottore take care of things. Your hands wrap around the cup of tea. It's strikingly similar to…

"There seems to be something on your mind."

"...Mm. It just reminds me of when we met," What happened before the event, rather. All the awful things that led you to him. You don't think about it often anymore, but sitting here across from him like this… 

"Yes, what about it? In a reminiscent mood?" You can feel his gaze focused on you, despite his mask covering it. Dottore is more than perceptive enough to pick up on your moods by now. The only question is whether he intends to pry. "Tell me what the issue is."

Of course he's going to pry. Why wouldn't he? He wants to know everything. Always. "I shouldn't have to tell you I went through a lot out here. You know that much."

There's a long moment of pause between you. You sip your tea. This is not the sort of conversation the two of you have. You run from the past, and he focuses on the future. That's how it has always been. It is a topic that has never been broached, and his lack of response leaves you feeling unsettled.

Finally—

"I'm aware. It is irrelevant. None of that has any importance now that you're with me," He settles your concerns as easily as that, waving them away as if they no longer matter. And he is right. They don't. Nothing is the way it used to be, and it never will be again. You shouldn't waste time thinking about it. Being under his care should remove any problems you once had. Hasn't he proven that?

"...Maybe you're right."

"I'm always right. You should know that at this point, dear."

You kill off whatever is left of your most unpleasant thoughts, and instead allow yourself to be swept back into Dottore's pace. 

[minobe-household]

i forgot to post this. woopsie. anyways here are yuuto's thoughts on pretty much every character she has thoughts on in the first place. long ass list below

— (friend's ocs) —

suzuki akira : she initially seemed a bit snobbish to me, if i have to be honest...not to say she isn't entirely...but eventually, i came to speak to her, and i can tell there's more to her than that. she's quite cunning, and a good conversationalist as well. there's a strange liking i've taken for her presence despite her attitude. i suppose it's a bit selfish to say, but her nature sort of makes everything feel a bit more... alive. fun.

akagi minato : he has a good heart, even if it seems a bit misplaced at times. i feel like there shall never be a time where i don't question him. while i feel like he doesn't have much resolve, he's still developing his skills well...so i'm not.. too concerned about him maintaining his wellbeing. he still manages to scare me here and there with his impulsive habits, though. i wish i didn't feel the need to supervise him as often as i do sometimes... but it's almost become second nature, in a way.

nakajima shinji : he is a capable fighter with resolve stronger than that of possibly anyone else i've met in the corps. however, such tenacity that it causes tends to lead him into getting... carried away... which i do occasionally worry will bring him consequences. he could learn to be more polite at times, or at least listen to what others tell him... nevertheless, i see him as a teammate and respect him as such. he's been improving on himself lately.

— (protagonists) —

kamado tanjiro : he is still learning the extent of his potential...but i believe he will achieve it in due time. a caring soul.. always bringing out the best in people, and understanding the humanity in even that of demons - something i don't see very often anymore...it's quite encouraging for the future of the corps.

kamado nezuko : i was unsure about her when she first came in...but at the same time, i've never heard an account about an entirely nonviolent demon, so i chose not to step in. of course, the others would have likely dispatched her should she have caused any trouble. with what we've found out now, i'm glad i took a backseat...she's such a sweet girl. i feel as though what we can gather about her unique nature will be important.

agatsuma zenitsu : even though i have yet to speak to him, i'm not sure if i can form words about that boy without sounding too rude... he's a little concerning in such a regard. that isn't to say he lacks the capability of improving, though... but he may not have the will necessary for that. he doesn't even sound like he wants to be in this line of work.

hashibira inosuke : ..through our first encounter, albeit brief.. i saw him as no more than barbaric and dense...but some time after, i've come to learn of his more.. unique upbringing. so i suppose some of it can be justifiable. i still try to keep my distance most of the time. i wouldn't like to instigate a fight.. he tends not to even hold proper respect to his blades..

shinazugawa genya : i don't hear the best things about him.. that he's quite alike his brother... but in the few times i spoke to him, he wasn't brash in the slightest. in fact.. he maintained courtesy quite well. perhaps they're wrong, or maybe he's begun to see past such hostility as his own..? i'm not too sure. his ability to eat demons is quite interesting... i'd like to look into it, but i feel like that would be going too far.

tsuyuri kanao : i pity her and the past she had to deal with, but i can tell that she's developing as a person. we have spoken a few times...and while she is still learning to communicate outside of that alike an algorithm...there is still an underlying truth in what she says. i hope she will come to learn what she herself wants and feels.. she may just need a push of sorts..?

— (hashira) —

tomioka giyu : we've talked during my occasional visits...mostly while i'm checking up on poor kanzaburo. he is loyal to his cause, but still holds his judgement soundly, which i greatly commend him for. his lack of expression has led me to suspect something is troubling him.. but i don't believe i am in any right to pry about it. i enjoy the more intricate discussions we have.

kocho shinobu : i was a bit intimidated by her in the early stages of my employment, but we've gotten to interact a bit easier with the changes made in time. my research also helped a bit in that regard...but even without it, every now and then, we'll converse more casually during my visits to the mansion. i like her, she's very bright...but i can't help but feel like she acts the way she does out of a feeling of obligation. i cannot see the will within her words, as though they weren't hers to begin with.

rengoku kyojuro : he's a great role model to those still climbing the ranks, but i can't help but wonder how he manages to maintain such vigor. it's almost uncanny.. i hold no opposition to it, of course, but it can get a bit overwhelming from just.. how much there is coming from him at once. we learn a lot from one another in our conversations through our differences. he is great for encouragement.. albeit a little noisy.

uzui tengen : in all honestly, i can't say i am all too fond of him.. boisterous, and far too prideful... but nonetheless, i respect him for his achievements, and most notably his self-resolve. rejecting one's former ideologies is no easy task. his hubris may be holding him back, but he's well adept in his work even so.

tokito muichiro : while still young, he has a very strong will, and he can use that to his advantage quite well. it's hard to tell just from looking, however.. usually, he seems to act somewhat idly. his head is often in the clouds. though i could've sworn he was only midranked a few weeks ago... so he must really be adjusting well to his employment.

kanroji mitsuri : she tends to be a little too close and a bit overwhelmingly open about her emotions... but still, she seems to be a good person - always kind and cheerful, and certainly well-deserving of her title as a pillar. i worry that someone will take advantage of her nature, however...especially considering she's still using that tampered uniform without a single worry. i would speak with her more often, but i find it hard to follow what she's saying at times.

iguro obanai : ...i... don't know much of him, in all honesty. i can tell by the disposition he assumes that he doesn't wish to interact most of the time. he always appears cold and closed off.. except when he's with kanroji-sama, for some reason? but due to such, i don't exactly approach him. his little snake companion and his strange appearance intrigues me.

shinazugawa sanemi : he tends to have.. disproportionate reactions to everything. every time i have been around him, there is at least one instance of which i must move out the way of injury. i fear that his near-constant state of anger will lead to him overexerting himself at some point...but then again, i can't say i've ever seen him worn out in any way..? i hope he learns to simmer down and use basic manners at some point.

himejima gyomei : we train together sometimes. we don't share the same views on everything considering our conflicting faith, but we still get along well and speak with one another occasionally. he's a kind, compassionate individual, and has mastered his breathing technique to extremes i've never quite seen before. i often visit him for advice, but it usually leads to long coversation anyways.

kocho kanae : i only saw her a few times back when i was still actively working, but i held a lot of respect for her regardless. she was very gentle, but was still extremely capable as a pillar. her fate... was unfortunate, and i could tell it greatly impacted her family and friends, especially her younger sister. i pray that her spirit will be able to rest easy.

— (other) —

ubayashiki kagaya : since my family works with his corporation, i've seen him as my superior for all my life, and such hasn't changed. i hold a deep respect for him. i believe his views of the corps he oversees alone does a lot for its members.. as well as his skills in foresight and speech, of course.

ubayashiki amane : she's my cousin. she used to be a maiden at the shrine my family would visit regularly, run by my late uncle. i can't say we spoke much growing up, but we've gotten to know one another much better now that we're more often in the same place. i'd like to consider her a close friend of mine.

tamayo : i deeply respect her. it's comforting to see that it is possible for someone to have gone against the path of the progenitor, despite having become part of his kind. i commend her for her efforts and professionality. we talk here and there, whenever she isn't busy.

yushiro : i question him a little.. but it's not to say i don't hold the same respect towards him as i do his higher. he's a little aggressive towards me, but i believe it's just because he cares a lot for tamayo. it doesn't excuse his rude words...but he's been a bit more calm since i've brought it up with him.

kanzaki aoi : a hardworking young lady. i can see some of myself in her dedication. i feel as though she may be straining herself a bit too hard, however.

murata : i've noticed he... cares a bit too much for his self-preservation at times. still does well as a demon slayer, regardless.

sumi, kiyo, & naho : aren't they just the cutest little things? and so kind, too.. i find it hard stopping myself from passing them sweets whenever i visit.

makio : she's quite brash. quite the personality, though.... i can see her likeness to uzui. i wonder how her and suma-san get along... i usually see her arguing with her. or even fighting.

suma : she's...very sensitive... in a way i can't exactly figure out. even i find it a bit difficult to speak with her without her crying.. which concerns me greatly. besides that, however, she's nice.

hinatsuru : compared to the others, she's a lot more levelheaded. much easier to converse with, which is most likely why i tend to get along with her most.

goto : he intrigues me. for a kakushi, he's quite strong...i could go so far as to say he would be able to pass the final selection...but perhaps it was a choice of his to choose this role. i am in no place to judge nor question. i've been meaning to ask him how he makes castella...

maeda masao : ...please excuse my impolite words...that boy is a senseless nuisance as much as he is a degenerate sod. i would have him slit his stomach without much concern - his family deserves whatever honor they still have to regain.. but making him do such a thing requires contact, and i refuse to to consider so much as approach him.

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read: The Great Hunt! Chapter 4: Summoned

Welcome back to my reread, folks! Today we're in for a real treat: Our first real Moiraine POV. Sadly, this post - like every other one I'll ever make - is filled with indiscriminate spoilers for the whole damn Wheel of Time series, so you should move on if you don't wanna deal with that.

Another chapter, another new chapter icon. The Horn of Valere makes an appearance, which is funny because for the most part it's only discussed by Anaiya, who doesn't know what's up with it. Its container is seen but not openly mentioned.

Little in Tar Valon besides a meeting of the Hall of the Tower called for the formality of the shawls, and beyond the Shining Walls a sight of the Flame would send too many people running, to hide or perhaps to fetch the Children of the Light. A Whitecloak’s arrow was as fatal to an Aes Sedai as to anyone else, and the Children were too wily to let an Aes Sedai see the bowman before the arrow struck, while she still might do something about it.

So like, do Whitecloaks just murder Aes Sedai in broad daylight on city streets? Do they follow them out of town and kill them on the roads? The former seems like something that would get them into a lot of trouble regardless of their target: someone willing and able to kill an Aes Sedai is going to be a dangerous assassin regardless. The latter seems like a hassle. I think there's a reason the Whitecloaks drop off of the threat scale pretty quickly after book four.

There must be trouble, or she would not have come herself, she thought for at least the tenth time. But beyond that lay a thousand questions more. What trouble, and who did she choose to accompany her? Why here? Why now? It cannot be allowed to go wrong now.

Frankly, even while stressing about it, I think Moiraine's underselling the crisis. She knows there's been all sorts of trouble out in the world of late, with the unnatural winter and the false Dragon and the time Caemlyn was almost wiped out by Trollocs but no one knew about it. She knows that there's other bullshit going on in the world at large too from the eyes and ears she'd be talking to. Meanwhile, she's just made herself a major figure of import in Fal Dara by showing up just as multiple miracles occur and explaining nothing. It makes sense that now that the hunt phase of her quest is over, the game is going to change drastically, but she's spent twenty years doing one thing so it's not something she's ready to adapt to.

Her sisters in the White Tower knew a few of her tricks, and suspected others, including some that did not exist, some that had shocked her when she learned of them. The things she did with the stone were simple and small, if occasionally useful; the kind a child would imagine. But if the wrong women had accompanied the Amyrlin, the crystal might put them off balance, because of the tales.

You could take the crystal off... Just saying. (Also note how ineffective the White Tower is at preserving knowledge that at this point it's just taken as a given that a Sister will have secret tricks not even shared with the rest of her Ajah.)

Both women were taller than Moiraine, though Liandrin by less than a hand.

Jordan's Law of Inverse Power Volume means that Liandrin is almost as much of a threat as Moiraine, but not much.

“Against all,” Moiraine replied smoothly. “Many of the serving women are curious about Aes Sedai, and I do not want them pawing through my rooms when I am not here. There was no need to make a distinction until now.”

So she's lying about something here, that's the rule of Aes Sedai talking smoothly. Possibly the only lie is the implication that she will respond to the need to make a distinction to her wards, but also possibly she's bringing up the serving women to distract from far more interesting culprits: Darkfriends in general, but also possibly the EF5.

“This time, Moiraine,” Anaiya said, “you have been gone from Tar Valon too long. Much too long. Tar Valon misses you. Your sisters miss you. And you are needed in the White Tower.”

Clearly Moiraine returns to the Tower on occasion, both to keep up appearances and also because Tar Valon provides a lot of opportunities for pursuing her investigations. How long has she been gone though? Does she usually come to the Tower every year and missed the last one? Are the gaps even longer than that?

“Three more false Dragons.” Liandrin bit the words off. “In Saldaea, Murandy, and Tear false Dragons ravage the land. The while, you Blues smile and talk of nothing, and try to hold on to the past.”

Liandrin is so bad at socializing. You'd think the Black Ajah would hold socialization practice meetings to help their sisters blend in more. The reason the Wheel makes sure that women don't pick up facial hair is because the Black Ajah would completely give itself away two years after its establishment with all the rampant mustache twirling they'd do.

Also I guess for posterity I should note that this is our first mention of Taim, one of our few mentions of the unnamed Haddon Mirk DR that is completely irrelevant but people keep asking about him, and probably the only mention of the Murandy DR who was apparently teamkilled.

How easily can the world deal with three at one time? How many will flock to their banners? There has never been a shortage of followers for any man claiming to be the Dragon Reborn. How great will the wars be this time?

Is that middle bit strictly true? Were the initial claimants very popular, or did the popularity of the Dragon Reborn grow overtime as the political and technological might of the region declined? To what degree could the existing power structures forestall the popularity of DR claims, if any?

Anaiya tsked. “Sometimes formality is necessary, but men often make more of it than they must. Please, call me Anaiya, and I will call you Amalisa, if I may.”

I've been back to highlighting flaws with Jordan's ideas of gender roles and stuff but I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be ironic: I've known lots of people who love formality when it means people have to fawn all over them.

From the corner of her eye, Moiraine saw Egwene, far down the side hall, disappearing hurriedly around a corner. A stooped shape in a leather jerkin, head down and arms loaded with bundles, shambled at her heels. Moiraine permitted herself a small smile, quickly masked. If the girl shows as much initiative in Tar Valon, she thought wryly, she will sit in the Amyrlin Seat one day. If she can learn to control that initiative. If there is an Amyrlin Seat left on which to sit.

F-f-f-FORESHADOWING! About the only part that doesn't get relevant in some way or another is that Egwene never learns self-control in any meaningful sense. ;)

(Also if I'm not mistaken this is our first time seeing Rand outside his POV.)

“. . . and I would welcome the chance to learn more of your land.” She wore a smile, open and almost girlish, and her voice was friendly.

Liandrin's a great counter-example of the whole, "Judge people by how they treat waiters" advice. You should people by how they treat folks all over the place - some folks who think they're better than everyone are very kind to those that society recognizes as beneath them in the way that most of us are kind to puppies, but very shitty to those who are broadly considered their equals.

It constantly amazed Moiraine that Anaiya dealt as well as she did in the White Tower, but those who were devious always seemed to take her openness and honesty, her acceptance of everyone, as cunning devices. They were always caught completely off balance when she turned out to mean what she said and say what she meant. Too, she had a way of seeing to the heart of things.

Anaiya deals very well: a good deal of evidence suggests that at this point in the series, she's the Head of the Blue Ajah! For example, Moiraine's earlier line in this very chapter where she says she'll leave the Hall to Anaiya even though Anaiya is not a Sitter. She's certainly very important regardless and I have no doubt that Jordan intended it to be that she had risen to such acclaim because she didn't play the White Tower game, not despite it. It's very strong for his themes that even minor characters whose histories are of no importance to the narrative reflect them.

Morgase holds her throne less securely than she did last year, but she holds it still, and will so long as Gareth Bryne is Captain-General of the Queen’s Guards. ... The Daughter-Heir’s party was followed to the River Erinin by the Children of the Light. To the very bridges to Tar Valon.

Foreshadowing for the next book or three here, with Morgase's fall, Bryne's departure, and the encounter with the Whitecloaks all set up.

But she still must keep the full extent of the girl’s potential secret. Would the people of Andor knowingly accept Elayne on the Lion Throne after Morgase if they knew? Not just a queen trained in Tar Valon according to custom, but a full Aes Sedai?

And this I'd say is setting up the succession crisis arc, though honestly I don't recall a lot of Elayne's status as Aes Sedai being anywhere near as much an issue as Morgase's reputation.

“You must know that the Great Hunt of the Horn has been called in Illian, the first time in four hundred years. The Illianers say the Last Battle is coming”—Anaiya gave a little shiver, as well she might, but went on without a pause—“and the Horn of Valere must be found before the final battle against the Shadow... In any case, there will be a new lot of stories for the bards and gleemen to add to the cycle. The Light send it is only new stories.” “Perhaps not the stories they expect,” Moiraine said. Liandrin looked at her sharply, and she kept her face still.

This is pretty much it for Horn discussion in this chapter, one rumor among many that all make it clear that Tarmon Gaidon is coming. There's a particularly millenarianist mindset in the people of the world, in many ways the Hunt is just a much more pleasant variation of a Crusade. It's really no surprise so many people end up Darkfriends when even the good guys seem desperate for the world to be destroyed and replaced.

And then there's Moiraine, smugly bragging about being at the center of it all and thinking she's slick.

The Sea Folk are agitated, their ships flying from port to port with barely a pause. Sisters from the islands say the Coramoor, their Chosen One, is coming, but they won’t say more.

Interesting that Anaiya says "Sisters" instead of "The sisters". There's only three, so most people would phrase it the latter way because a poll could be conducted quickly and thoroughly (especially since they all live and work together). I think Jordan hadn't quite decided how separate the two societies would end up being yet.

The Aiel appear to be stirring, too, but no one knows why. No one ever knows with the Aiel. At least there is no evidence they mean to cross the Spine of the World again, thank the Light.

Meanwhile, less than sixty miles away, a Stone Dog is examining his sixth Borderlander farm for the day while hiding in a leafless bush and sadly concluding that the Car'a'carn is probably on the other side of the continent.

“Almoth Plain,” Liandrin said, and looked surprised that she had spoken.

Liandrin's need to be the smartest person in the room means she's pretty terrible at espionage. She almost certainly got the full debrief on the Seanchan from Ish back in the prologue and if she hasn't been given the order to kidnap the girls yet, it's coming.

What is the wretched girl up to?

I'm a little surprised that Moiraine doesn't suspect her of being Black Ajah outright, but I suppose that she thinks that the Black Ajah infestation is a lot smaller than it is and that being suspicious of every oddly behaving Aes Sedai would mean falsely accusing a whole third of the tower. Shame she couldn't just balefire every Aes Sedai that looked at her funny and saved the world a whole lot of trouble.

The Brown sisters concerned themselves with little beside seeking knowledge. Moiraine sometimes wondered if they were really aware of what was going on in the world, or even immediately around them.

Yay Verin, my favorite Aes Sedai (besides our mains) and Least Suspicious Woman in the World! @checkoutmybookshelf , she is not sketch!!!!

Moiraine not spending any time at the Tower is really coming to bite her in the ass is what I would say if Siuan isn't going to be just as blindsided as she is.

Where are the others? There was no need for them all to be there—most would be resting in their rooms, freshing from the journey—but she was on edge now, all the questions she could not ask running through her head.

Don't worry Moiraine, they're completely irrelevant. Hell, the nameless Yellow Sister in the room with you is irrelevant. Why were they all brought? Siuan says it's about giving each Ajah two representatives (plus her and Leane as non-Ajqah), but why do all the Ajahs want representatives specifically just for bringing in Moiraine? Why not thirteen sisters who could be trusted to shield her if necessary, a number they don't have because there's only twelve non-Blues (and some of the Hall would be concerned that Siuan at least would join in, which would necessitate even more sisters to keep both in check).

At the sight of the golden cube Moiraine had difficulty keeping her face unruffled. The last she had seen of it, it had been safely locked in Agelmar’s strongroom. On learning of the Amyrlin Seat’s arrival she had meant to tell her of it herself. That it was already in the Amyrlin’s possession was a trifle, but a worrisome trifle. Events could be outpacing her.

Events are outpacing you, Moiraine, it's time to get out of denial. What even have you been up to this past month? You haven't been training Rand, you didn't expect this meet-up with Siuan... Did you just send her word and decide to await further instructions? And if so, why wouldn't you expect the Wheel to keep weaving while you stood still?

She was only of medium height, and handsome rather than beautiful, but her face held a strength that had been there before her elevation, the strength of the girl who had survived the streets of the Maule, Tear’s port district, and her clear blue gaze had made kings and queens, and even the Captain Commander of the Children of the Light, drop their eyes.

I really wanna know about the time that Siuan and Niall met. Heck, I also wanna know about Siuan's Maule adventures possibly.

Morgase was one of the few rulers to openly admit to an Aes Sedai councilor; almost all had one, but few admitted it.

Presumably the Borderlanders are the others who admit to it. Tear's leaders probably don't have an advisor, maybe Amadicia's don't either though I could see them doing it in secret since they're not the Whitecloaks. Of course, I could also see the Aes Sedai seeing Amadicia's supposed leaders being far too irrelevant to risk a perfectly valuable sister on.

The Amyrlin nodded as if it were all of no consequence. Moiraine’s eyebrows lifted in surprise before she caught herself and smoothed her features. Those were the two main concerns in the Hall of the Tower, that fewer girls who could be trained to channel the One Power were found every year, or so it seemed, and that fewer of real power were found.

The political positioning around the three Wondergirls really isn't! Elayne won't be providing the Reds any glory going forward because of the Schism, Egwene sheds Ajah affiliation and then dies, and ain't nobody going to want to say they deserve special treatment because their Ajah found Nynaeve as she will Gateway straight to them with her favorite stick and provide it on the spot. What really matters is what the three girls bring to the Tower as a whole, which is a goddamn shitton. Per girl. Plus, all three girls are going to reverse the trends about the two main concerns before the end of the series.

Elaida had another reason for coming to Tar Valon, Daughter. She sent the same message by six different pigeons to make sure I received it—and to whom else in Tar Valon she sent pigeons, I can only guess—then came herself. She told the Hall of the Tower that you are meddling with a young man who is ta’veren, and dangerous.

The thing I love about early book Elaida is that she's not even wrong. Moiraine is a weird Aes Sedai who fucks off for months or years at a time, gave herself a suicidal prince for a Warder, and now she's playing around with ta'veren in the midst of a supernaturally prolonged winter while False Dragons declare themselves in every corner of the world? That's fucking terrifying when you don't know her. Of course Elaida writes to Siuan in desperation. Of course she wrote letters to the Head of the Red Ajah and the Red Sitters and probably every other Sitter and fifteen other sisters who looked important just in case they were the other Ajah Heads.

...Elaida harms no one except those she considers dangerous. Darkfriends, or those poor fool men who try to channel the One Power. Or one who threatens Tar Valon. Everyone else who isn’t Aes Sedai might as well be pieces on a stones board as far as she is concerned. Luckily for him, the innkeeper, one Master Gill as I remember, apparently thinks much of Aes Sedai, and so answered her questions to her satisfaction. Elaida actually spoke well of him.

And like, I think it's Siuan's bias that makes her say that middle bit about pieces on a board. Elaida's a red whose desperate letters include complimentary things about a man who helped her. She didn't have to do that but she did because she knows he's just a dude trying to live his life in uncertain times.

“It was put forward in the Hall that you should be sent into retreat for contemplation. This was proposed by one of the Sitters for the Green Ajah, with the other two nodding approval as she spoke.”

This, and the further proposal by the Greens that the Reds be in charge of Moiraine's retreat, likely comes specifically from Talene, since she's the only Black Ajah Sitter among the Greens.

“It was further proposed, also by the Greens, that your care during your retreat should be given to the Red Ajah. The Red Sitters tried to appear surprised, but they looked like fisher-birds who knew the catch was unguarded.” The Amyrlin sniffed. “The Reds professed reluctance to take custody of one not of their Ajah, but said they would accede to the wishes of the Hall.”

Amusingly, thanks to the Vileness, none of the Red Sitters (Teslyn, Pevara, and Amira) are Black Ajah themselves. Also note the fisher-birds simile. Siuan loves em.

“There was yet another proposal, one that still smells like week-old fish on the jetty. Since Leane is of the Blue Ajah and I came from the Blue, it was put forward that sending two sisters of the Blue with me on this journey would give the Blue four representatives. Proposed in the Hall, to my face, as if they were discussing repairing the drains. Two of the White Sisters stood against me, and two Green. The Yellow muttered among themselves, then would not speak for or against. One more saying nay, and your sisters Anaiya and Maigan would not be here. There was even some talk, open talk, that I should not leave the White Tower at all.”

Again we can assume Talene was one of the Green, and Velina amid the White, but which others did they convince? The Green is probably Rubinde since she votes to depose Siuan later, but then there's the Whites. Neither of the other Whites is invited to the coup vote later; one is sent away to the Rebels for her own safety and the other nominated Siuan for Amyrlin in the first place.

There was only a moment’s hesitation before Leane said, “As you wish, Mother.” Moiraine could feel her surprise. The Amyrlin gave few audiences without the Keeper present, especially not to a sister she had reason to chastise.

Leane should be used to being a third wheel when Moiraine's around if you ask me.

“I don’t know that any of the others have your old trick,” the Amyrlin Seat said, lightly touching the blue stone on Moiraine’s forehead with one finger, “but most of us have some small tricks remembered from childhood. In any event, no one can hear what we say now.”

It's later clarified that eavesdropping is one of the most common early weaves for a wilder to teach herself, so this is wise. It's also interesting that Siuan says that most Aes Sedai have these: the official policy is anti-Wilder but it seems that most sisters are technically among their ranks.

“No, I would not give it up. Most of the time, no. But there have been times I envied that village goodwife. At this moment, I almost do. Moiraine, if anyone, even Leane, discovers what we plan, we will both be stilled. And I can’t say they would be wrong to do it.”

I can! Unlike all the previous Amyrlins who might have gotten involved in raising up Dragons Reborn, y'all are doing it because you know damn well that it's happened and that the world needs to be ready. The only thing wrong in what you two got up to is that you stay so relentlessly secretive even now. Oh well, it had to be done. The very first Aes Sedai who's going to discover what you're up to is Black Ajah, after all.

Anyway, that's another chapter done. See you next time when we have three new POVs and a first with four POVs in a single chapter altogether! Our transition from Rand is gonna hit hard folks!

[dualcastimpact]

dawntrail impressions pt. i

Back when I first started playing FFXIV, I kept up a livetweet thread of my impressions of the game all the way from A Realm Reborn to Shadowbringers, and it remains one of my favourite things online. I didn't continue the thread with Endwalker since Twitter no longer supports updating a thread with multiple tweets (and that's a serious pain in the ass, thanks Elon), so for Dawntrail I thought I'd try doing it on tumblr instead.

So here it is: my journey through Dawntrail!

Spoilers under the cut, obviously.

Fun fact: everything here so far is non-canon to Raginmar. He's already in Tuliyollal by this point, having sailed there with his father's husband's crew, so this is more me reacting to the story in general.

Ojika Tsunjika: "It seems he's managed to secure passage to Tural aboard a guildship vessel."

Erenville: "It took some persuasion, but the gleaners' guildship has granted us places aboard a vessel bound for Tural."

I've already mentioned this in another post, but this tidbit got me excited because it allowed me to explain how Raginmar got to Tural before Wuk Lamat and co. did — getting themselves on that ship probably took some time and no small amount of bureaucracy and scheduling, so it's perfectly feasible that Raginmar could have gone back home to the South Sea Isles and then sailed to Tuliyollal before they did.

———

Krile: "That's fine, Erenville. I doubt anyone expected we'd have a ship all to ourselves."

I'm being a little nitpicky here but why even feel the need to mention that in the first place? Any traveller wouldn't expect that, so why did Erenville have to apologetically mention that they'd have to be travelling with other people as if that isn't how everyone travels? I'm not dissing the writing, mind — more that I think it speaks volumes about Sharlayan society in general, probably, that they maybe subconsciously expect to travel privately because they're the elite or what have you.

———

Wuk Lamat: "I'm sure there'll be a chance to speak with Papa. You can get your answers right from the source!"

This is an interesting localisation choice because in Japanese, she doesn't say パパ. She says おやじ, which you can probably roughly localise into "old man" and showcases a very different charm than "papa". Wuk Lamat is a very genki character, she's pretty much the closest thing this game's got to a shōnen manga protagonist, so I feel her saying "papa" feels a bit off for her character. Maybe it's more in line with the Latin American-inspired setting and localisation?

———

Erenville: "The golden city is a children's bedtime story. I am part of this expedition only because the Third Promise has commanded that I serve as guide."

You tsundere, you. But also who the Third Promise is became clearer as you go through the game, but I have to admit it threw me for a loop because I don't remember Wuk Lamat ever being mentioned with that title in 6.55?

———

This is non-canon, as previously mentioned, but the incongruity of Raginmar standing there in his summer vacation clothes while everyone else is in their travelling and/or battle garbs with weapons had me laughing for a good while.

———

Alisaie: "Well, for once the fate of the world doesn't rest on our shoulders. We might even get a chance to enjoy ourselves!"

Don't jinx it, Alisaie.

———

Erenville: "Though Tural may seem but a short sail away on a map, the vast seas between brim with peril. The treacherous waters of Shades' Triangle alone have claimed countless vessels."

Wuk Lamat: "Perhaps, but my voyage here was uneventful enough. Disappointingly so!"

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT JINXING IT, WUK LAMAT?

———

Hello, person garbed in custom clothing who's suspiciously focused on in this frame. I'm sure you'll be important to the plot sooner or later.

———

Alisaie: "I can feel my edge start to dull on these long sea voyages. How about some light sparring later?"

Good thing this isn't canon — and even if it was, Raginmar wouldn't have indulged her because Raginmar? He doesn't know how to spar. He takes combat too seriously to hold back, so if he ever fights in a duel you know it's going to be at least until someone has to yield from heavy injuries, if not to the death.

Also I like how they repeatedly mention this is a long voyage, which again supports my headcanon from before! It's such a mundane thing but I really like it.

———

Retired Mercenary: "...Gah, I've had enough of playing the simpleton. There was a time when we took great pains to maintain the deception, but with more of you Eorzeans coming to Tural, it's become impractical."

Wait, what do you mean deception? What even did you need to pretend to be simpletons for?? I'm halfway through the main story quest by the time of writing this and I still don't know why they thought they needed to pretend to be simpletons while they're in Eorzea.

Retired Mercenary: "I look forward to a long soak in the hot springs of Urqopacha. And no complaints when I dance the bathing dance."

WAIT, are you the Mamool Ja from that one fate in Upper La Noscea?? Outside the Warmwine Sanitorium????

———

Swarthy Sailor: "Wait, I recognize you—you're the champion of Eorzea! If the Third Promise has you on her side, then that shifts the odds a fair bit! I might have to change my bet..."

Man's a literal gamechanger at this point, that's incredible.

———

Self-assured Trader: "I'm a merchant myself, based in Ul'dah. Specially imports and exports, Eorzean and Turali both."

More confirmation that it is indeed possible for merchants and traders to sail to and from Tural! Raginmar's father's husband is the captain of a trading vessel primarily sailing between the South Sea Isles, but they do occasionally make the voyage to other continents.

———

Erenville's narration: "What an extraordinary life he must lead to be able to operate such a device with practiced ease."

There was a storm and all manner of shenanigans including the Warrior of Light rushing to operate the elemental shielding devices on the ship to protect them from lightning strikes, and this comment just absolutely had me in stitches because yeah! Yeah, you sure do get used to it when you have to keep battling the likes of Leviathan and Bismarck! It sure is an extraordinary life, yes sirree!

———

Erenville's narration: "In retrospect, of course, that battle against the storm would prove a fitting prelude to the coming contest for the throne."

Ooooh, how predictably ominous.

———

Wuk Lamat: "You'll find much here you never knew existed! There may be a sea route now, but visitors to Tuliyollal are still few and far between."

Wuk Lamat: "And as we don't build seafaring ships, only a handful of Turali ever venture abroad."

This was interesting to me because it highlights how isolated Tural is from the rest of the world, but when you really think about it — so was the Far East from Eorzea. Most Eorzeans had never seen an Au Ri person until Yugiri, and even Ilsabardians would rarely be found in Eorzea despite the continent being relatively nearby and I think connected by land? Travelling extensively between continents like the Warrior of Light is capable of just wasn't done.

More importantly, this reinforced my headcanon that Wuk Lamat has never met an Arkasodara so as open-minded as she'd be about it, she'd still be pretty surprised when she meets them in Thavnair.

———

Erenville: "Mamool Ja sellswords, mostly. Those willing to play the fool sail with Lominsan merchants to secure employment in Eorzea."

Why do they have to be willing to play the fool in the first place? This isn't explained anywhere! I think it might be explained in a sidequest somewhere but I haven't gotten round to them yet — I really hope there's an explanation for this somewhere because it's driving me nuts.

———

Mamool Ja Landsguard: "We will not abide interference from foreign agents seeking to foment trouble. What brings you to Tuliyollal?"

This made me laugh because we're not exactly seeking to forment trouble, but we sure are foreign agents, yeah!

———

Mamool Ja Landsguard: "The Third Promise! If you vouch for them, then all is well, of course!"

Sure is nice to have someone influential on our side for once, instead of having to prove ourselves at every turn!

———

Wuk Lamat: "N-No, not at all! Couldn't be better! The Third Promise does not get sick, no sir!"

That's a suspiciously specific denial there, Wuk Lamat.

———

And that's it for this round of impressions! Next up: Tuliyollal and meeting the Dawnservant.

[lususnatura]

How does your muse sit? Do they take up space, or keep to themselves?

AHH, before i say anything else, first let me say: thank you for sending me this ask! it always makes me so happy whenever i see people send me stuff :) and honestly, i feel like this is an interesting question because the way i see it, the manner in which a character carries themselves alone could say a LOT about them, i'm not gonna lie. so i am glad you asked!! and now, allow me to give you the best answer i can in relation to this: blamore does absolutely take up space whenever it sits somewhere, and i think that a big part of why this is partially due to perhaps confidence that is a little performative on it's part, BUT that is also genuine as well.

and i know that that might not make complete sense without context because i myself think that my method of explaining things sometimes can be confusing LOL. though, i promise that i'll explain what i mean in a second. this is something that i've only briefly touched upon in both blamore's carrd and in an earlier post on here thus far + as such, i'm going to talk about it more in depth here, but even before it's transformation — blamore was someone with a 'big' personality and this sort-of showed through him seeming to be full of confidence as well as being quote spontaneous, especially for someone who seemed to have such a laid-back father. it's also important to know that blamore's father was also very supportive of it, however, though he felt like he couldn't express who he really was while he was still in annecy with thérèse. for, as you may be familiar with, thérèse was... well, there's really no other way to put it besides that she was abusive and as a result, blamore felt like he always had to be walking on eggshells around her.

this is done in order to try to prevent or minimize any future occurrences of upsetting the abuser. but unfortunately, this rarely works and when it does, it's only temporary. and so for a while, blamore had lost his sense of self because he basically conditioned himself to only focus on what was happening outside of himself. and as a result, he had stopped listening to his inner voice for a while as a child, which is not a good thing but blamore viewed it as the only way he could possibly survive around her without completely breaking down so one can understand why he did it. it is also a common occurrence with those who have been abused, and although sacha (blamore's father) had tried to help his child heal from all of the psychological / emotional trauma that it endured at the hands of it's mother (which was made unknown to him by thérèse until he found her physically lashing out at him) with therapy as well as much positive reinforcement from him as possible that he could be the person he wants to be without having to fear that he'd be punished or ridiculed for it... there is still a part of it that is affected by the psychological abuse that was inflicted on it as a kid.

because it has made him chronically angry and self-tortured deep down inside, so although his true personality HAS been allowed to flourish in the years that proceeded sacha and its move to gotham, sometimes blamore falls into what he considers to be a 'bad habit' and be at least somewhat insecure about his identity / personality. so, yeah, although blamore usually always appears to be a very 'loud and proud' person on the outside that let's everyone know that he exists by completely sprawling out or just sitting in positions that call attention to him in general whenever he sits somewhere + gives them this idea that he's not going to let ANYONE make him feel like he can't take up space? sometimes, he feels like he's a kid all over again and one who doesn't know who he is.

and i can't lie, it is really sad. not to mention that it took blamore a while just to become even halfway comfortable in his skin the way it is now because, as far as medical doctors like nico morselli are concerned, it's downright PUZZLING that he's still alive with the way he is now and to suddenly be thrust into being dehumanized by so many people was... very disorienting for blamore, to say the least. but he's tried his best to turn this dehumanization on its head by trying to embrace that he's something else other than just human now. but yeah, i know this was a bittt long, but thank you very much for the ask again! and i hope you're having a GREAT morning thus far :)