#perhaps an ok breakfast. or simple filling meals

[6okuto]

HAI HAI HAI :3 omg no bcus when u said u were canadian too i was like “it was meant to be”😭😭🙏🏻 ANYWAYS i actually pack last minute usually LOL

ive been starving for touchstarved content 🤤🤤 i need the game out NEOWW i lowkey fantasized about leander cooking. i feel it in my bines that man is a chef. also my bf(idk if u remember but i told u abt him awhile ago!) he played touchstarved and now understands my hype about it😊😊

HAI FRIEND! ^^ getting ur bf to play wuaw.. did he have a fav. Good 4 U guys. couples that brainrot together stay together etc!!

oooh... i had it in my head he couldn't cook well for some reasonhebdjsjd like he'd have favourite places to eat + share them with you... get you a discount since the owners know him :0

bUT maybe he'll surprise me. Good leaders take care of their gang, learn their favourite meals, it's a skill he had to learn for himself, etc... he'd surprise u with ur favourite! on days he has the time, he tells u to not worry about dinner because he's got it covered 🙂‍↕️ he pulls some strings and gets expensive ingredients, things u mention u haven't gotten to eat in ages and miss...

also i like the image of him in a "kiss the chef" apron, casual clothes with his sleeves rolled up, a silent focus turning into a smile when u come into the kitchen.... phew...

[plazmafields]

Cullrian Mulan AU

Word Count: 27,573

Summery: After escaping the Venatori and his family in Tevinter, Dorian finds refuge with a kindly older woman on a farm in Ferelden. When the Inquisition comes knocking looking for volunteers, Dorian can't help but overhear that they are looking to defeat the Venatori once and for all. He could join, but he can't have them thinking he might be a Venatori himself, especially not the Commander.

Forward: Holy jesus mercy, this literally took me years to get to. Between wanting to build out the universe to make it all fit together, then getting some serious writer's block (because nothing I love can come easy), then actually writing the damn thing! This has been a journey, and I really hope you all enjoy. I know it's a pain to read long fics on tumblr, so just let me know if you'd prefer it on AO3 or something. All my love, please enjoy my longest fic ever!!

__________

Just as the sun began to rise over the hills surrounding the farm, songbirds began to chirp, stirring Dorian from his sleep. Though he hated the insistent noise, he had to admit it was a softer wakeup call than Halward pushing ten tired slaves into his room to make him “presentable” before another noble’s daughter arrived. When Dorian had rejected the woman betrothed to him since birth, his mother offered that perhaps they should find an equally suitable candidate that Dorian could see himself getting along with. Poor mother, just trying to help; but she would never understand the true reason for Dorian’s rejection. Or perhaps they knew, and just couldn’t bear to face it as truth.

It took Dorian a moment to fully wake before he was hurriedly getting dressed and cleaned up, hoping to make it downstairs in time to make breakfast. As he descended the stairs, however, the scent of eggs and baking bread filled his nose. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. While it smelled wonderful, he still felt a bit guilty for making his kind host cook for them both.

At the bottom of the stairs, he smiled and gently bowed his head at the middle aged woman at the stove. “Good morning, Miss Ella,” he said as he entered the kitchen just off the stairwell.

“Good morning, dear. How do you like your eggs?” The woman turned to greet him with two plates of food in hand, each set prepared differently.

Dorian didn’t look at the meal before responding, “I’ll take whichever you don’t prefer.”

The older woman frowned, distinctly upset with the answer. “Ser Dorian, I insist you choose. You’re my guest, after all. I want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

The two stood both with expectant stares for a short while until Dorian sighed, taking one of the plates. “And I want to make sure I’m as nonintrusive as possible.” He turned quickly, taking a seat at the quaint kitchen table.

The woman smiled gently as she joined him. “I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: you are not intruding. I took you in, and that’s the end of it. You should feel as though we share this house, just as we share this food and the land where it grows.”

Dorian couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle as he began to eat. “Thank you, Miss Ella. You’ve been far too kind to an undeserving stranger.”

Miss Ella scoffed as she swatted at Dorian’s arm with her handkerchief, “Oh, don’t say such nonsense! Everyone is deserving of kindness, especially when they show such courtesy in return.”

Dorian said a quiet thank you as he continued to eat, trying to avoid another kind hearted argument with the woman. They stayed silent for a long moment until the woman shook her head and laughed.

“The only doubt I have about you is where you’re from. Not that I mind your secrecy; I understand the need. I only wish I knew so I could know who to thank for your wonderful manners.” She teased, wholeheartedly.

Dorian smiled despite the remembrance of home life, and answered gently, “I hardly think my parents had much to do with my manners. They’re not the kindest of people, unless they’re trying to impress someone.” His smile slipped slightly, enough for Miss Ella to notice.

“I’m sorry, dear,” she frowned and reached across the table, patting the back of Dorian’s hand, “I didn’t mean to strike a nerve. I wasn’t meaning to imply life was perfect, only that you seem acclimated to the finery in life. However, I know that comes with its own stresses and consequences.”

“You’re certainly right about that,” Dorian sighed, finishing the food on his plate.

As he stood, he took Miss Ella's empty plate as well, taking the dishes and cutlery to the wash basin to clean. As Dorian began scrubbing away, there came a rather harsh knock at the door. The two glanced curiously at one another before Miss Ella went to answer.

Dorian slowly set the dishes in the water, listening closely to who was at the door, waiting to see if it was a voice he recognized, come to take him back to Tevinter.

Instead, he heard a voice clearly announce: “Hello, serah, we’re here on behalf of the Inquisition. We’re requesting that every household contribute at least one able bodied person, or sign for a draft, if necessary.”

“Oh yes, the Inquisition. You’re the ones who patched up the sky, yes? While I would love to be of service, I’m afraid I am unable to enlist—”

“How old are you, ma’am?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Dorian heard the soldier clear his throat. “I asked your age, ma’am.”

Miss Ella, seemingly a bit taken aback by the direct nature of the question, gingerly answered, “Well, I’ll be turning fifty at the end of next month…”

The sound of confirmation and flipping paper piqued Dorian’s curiosity, as he slowly peeked into the foyer to watch the interaction.

The soldiers all nodded, one pulling out a form. “You’re within the age range to sign for the draft. If you would please—”

“I’m sorry?” Miss Ella stared in awe at the men before her. “I am the sole owner of this farm; all the land you see within several acres is my land! I cannot simply leave my property; who would be here to care for the animals? I would be more than willing to donate crops to the cause, but I am not going to leave my animals and harvest to suffer.”

Dorian watched on, ready to stand up for his gracious host, when the soldier tucked the form back into his satchel. “Ma’am, I understand your concerns, but I’m afraid, as valid as they may be, they cannot stand in the way of the fact that we need soldiers. As the Venatori threat strengthens—”

“I would be willing to volunteer,” Dorian stepped into view of the doorway, “on behalf of the household.”

Miss Ella turned with surprise, giving Dorian a worried look. He simply smiled and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Very good, Ser. And thank you.” The soldier pulled out a list of volunteers’ names and began to assign Dorian an ID. “What is your relation to this woman?”

“My son.” Miss Ella spoke up, “Dorian Rider.”

Dorian gave a gentle, thankful look, trying not to make it too obvious to the soldiers.

“I assume, then, you were born in Ferelden?” The soldier studied Dorian’s dark complexion suspiciously.

“Orlais,” Dorian lied, “but I’ve lived here much of my life…”

The soldier seemed to find that more believable as he nodded, noting the answer on the form.

“And what is your role in the household? Just a simple description of what you do around the house will suffice.” The soldier asked, poised to write.

“I help maintain the farm.”

The soldier nodded, “Very good. And do you have any experience with fighting or combat?”

“Spell—” Dorian quickly closed his mouth, remembering mages were not supposed to live or practice magic outside of the Circles in Ferelden. He worriedly glanced at Miss Ella, before he noticed the soldier give him a friendly grin.

“Don’t worry,” The soldier said, lowering his writing board, “the Inquisition is not here to discriminate. We take anyone willing to risk their lives for the cause.” His eyes went soft, as he seemed to sympathize with Dorian. “I was a thief in Denerim before I joined. I’m not one to judge. Thank you for volunteering, Ser. Serah.”

The soldiers each gave a respectful bow before starting off to the next house. The one with the writing board called over his shoulder, “We’ll knock again when we’re ready to head off to Skyhold. Please be ready. You need only to bring your personal effects; we will have weapons and armor for you there.”

Miss Ella quickly closed the door and grabbed Dorian by the shoulders. “What are you doing? I thought you were hiding out! This is a sure way to bring attention to yourself, boy!”

Though she shook him lightly, she was not angry as Dorian looked in her eyes. The only thing he saw there was fear and worry. For him; for his safety.

Dorian took her hands in his and smiled reassuringly, “I’ll be ok. I can handle myself in a fight. Besides, what was I supposed to do, let them take you away from your livelihood? That hardly seems right.”

Miss Ella continued to look him in the eye for a time, all the while tears starting to well, before they eventually fell and she wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight hug. “Thank you so much, dear. I just hope they keep you safe from whatever you were running from. Maybe one day you’ll be free of fear, and you can tell me everything.”

__________

Finally at Skyhold, the entire cart full of recruits gazed upon the glory of their new home for the foreseeable future, everyone taken aback by the size of the castle. Once through the gates, Dorian found himself being shuffled through a group of anxious troops, somehow ending up near the front of the crowd. Just as he began to wonder what all the fuss was about, the entire mass fell silent, standing mostly at attention.

A pale skinned man with thick blond hair strode up to the group of recruits, his presence alone demanding full attention. As he scanned the crowd, seemingly impressed with the number of volunteers, he momentarily locked eyes with Dorian.

The mage immediately froze, holding his breath as the blond’s eyes studied him. It seemed like minutes before their eyes met again, the blond saying kindly, “Welcome to the Inquisition.”

Dorian didn’t realize the blond was addressing the whole group, and not just him, until the entire mass said in unison, “Ser, yes, Ser.”

Dorian jumped at the roar, averting his gaze to his feet. The rest of the blond’s speech went by as a mumble, Dorian only picking out a few things. “I am your commander,” “thank you for your service,” “we are all fighting for the same cause,” etcetera.

“Those of you who are weary from the journey may feel free to retire to the barracks and claim a bunk. Make certain your items are secure and accounted for. As for those anxious to begin your service, please follow my associate Seeker Cassandra; she will give a brief tour of the grounds.” The blond gestured to a broad and powerful woman, who already appeared annoyed. “As she will be assisting me in your training, I expect you all to treat her with the same respect and authoritative recognition as you would me.”

The blond Commander took a final look over the troops before dismissing them to follow Cassandra or head to the beds. But just as Dorian followed after the retiring group, he heard a gentle summons.

“You there, mage.”

Dorian turned to see the Commander watching him with a careful eye. “Dorian, Ser.” He answered.

“Ser Dorian,” The Commander let the name roll on his tongue for a moment before continuing, causing Dorian’s breath to hitch in his throat. “I understand you’re an apostate.”

Dorian let out his held breath in a deep sigh, nearly rolling his eyes. “Yes, I am. Ser. I don’t suppose you’re going to turn me in to your recent allies?” He crossed his arms and lifted a brow, challenging the blond standing several feet from him.

The Commander narrowed his eyes, “I certainly wasn’t planning on it.” He slowly closed the distance between the two of them in several long strides, saying in a low tone, “Unless you’re going to have a problem with my authority, Ser Dorian.”

With the blond so close, Dorian felt his heart speed up. Something about his presence made Dorian feel held in place. Not as if he was trapped, simply that he couldn’t make himself step away.

Dorian scanned his eyes over the Commander’s form, noticing the Chantry insignia on his bracers. Ah, Dorian thought, he plans on taking care of me himself.

“Not unless you’re going to play those little Templar tricks to dispel my magic when I’m simply trying to warm my tea.” Dorian could have sworn he saw the corner of the Commander’s lips curl up at his accurate observation.

“That would just be rude. No, I wanted to inform you that, despite my past, I have very little patience for discrimination.” The Commander's eyes scanned over Dorian's body once more, “If anyone says anything, does anything, or even looks at you in a way that makes you suspect ill intent, do let me know. They’ll be dealt with discreetly.”

Dorian wasn’t sure how to feel; between the Commander’s word choice and his eyes wondering Dorian’s physique, he felt maybe the blond knew his preferences just by looking at him. Did he have to be more worried about that than being an apostate? Though Dorian knew little about the south, he knew even less about their feelings on…sexual endeavors. More specifically, who you ventured those endeavors with.

Dorian hadn’t realized how long he’d been staring at the Commander without answering until the blond tilted his brow up. “That is an order, Ser Dorian.”

He was shaken from his trance by the mention of his name in a soothingly gentle voice; surprising for a man in his militant position. “Yes, Ser.” Dorian responded quickly, eager to have the Commander’s caressing gaze off him.

The blond smiled, seemingly content with the response. “Good. And don’t be afraid to approach me.” He leaned forward slightly, lowering his voice even more to an impossibly comforting near-purr, “I don’t bite.” He grinned reassuringly.

Perhaps I’d rather you did, Dorian thought, admiring the Commander’s gait as he strode off, heading for his office.

In the barracks Dorian chose a bed, near to the wall to prop his staff and hang his pack, filled only with a few herbs for mixing potions and a book or two.

Though his sleep was fitful, he woke more or less prepared for training the next morning, those blasted birds even louder in the mountains than Miss Ella's valley farmland. Their loud singing mixed with the shuffle of new troops preparing for training woke Dorian far earlier than he would have liked. But he hurried along, seeing he was one of the last troops to rise, and made it to the training grounds just as the sun rose above the horizon.

He had eyes on him the moment he walked onto the grounds, scared young men and women glaring at him and eyeing the ornament on the end of his staff, watching cautiously as magic flowed through the crystal gem, all originating from Dorian’s fingertips. All the looks, the suspicion, made him feel as though he was not exactly blending in like he had hoped. He scanned his fellow soldiers, finding most were pale. Those with dark skin like his seemed no less acclimated to his presence. Their undertones were all cold blues and greys, making Dorian’s red-brown skin stand out in an unnatural, if stunning, manner against the natives.

As Dorian felt more and more uncomfortable in his own skin for the first time in years, a voice echoed off the fortress walls from behind him.

“You’re late.” Dorian turned to find the Commander stalking toward him, free of his armor and only covered by simple leather trousers. His chest was dusted in scars of all sizes; some reaching from collar bone to hip, one leading Dorian’s eye down a mischievous path to the Commander’s laces.

“Did the bells not wake you? Perhaps I should make that your responsibility; to wake and ring the bells for everyone else to hear? Since they seem not to faze you.”

Dorian scoffed, “I suppose you would like all your men to be late as well, then? If I were in charge of the bells, we’d all be waking half past tea.”

The Commander seemed equally confused and annoyed with Dorian’s flippant nature, seemingly having no respect, no regard for his position.

As he closed the distance in a quick stride, Dorian simply crossing his arms and sighing, almost bored by the interaction, he said lowly, “Fall in line before I make an example out of you.”

Dorian, sifting his words through his head, began carefully evaluating his next move. While he didn’t enjoy being told what to do, and very much enjoyed testing people’s patience, he decided against saying anything at all, taking several steps back and lining up with the other troops.

The Commander relaxed his shoulders, turning slowly to take his place in front of the herd. As he glanced back to face his troops again, and saw Dorian at the front line of their formations, he quickly changed his mind.

“Alright Ser Dorian, since you seem to enjoy being the center of attention, perhaps you would like to help me demonstrate some defensive maneuvers.”

Dorian tensed. While he was proud of his magical knowledge and ability, he knew things the average Ferelden mage most certainly would not. He had to be careful of what spells he used, as not to let on too much or attract attention.

But he relaxed as he saw the Commander reach for an extra sword and shield, gesturing for Dorian to step forward. He stabbed his staff into the ground and sauntered up to take the weapons. As he did, the Commander asked quietly, “You do know which end to hold it by, don’t you?”

Before Dorian could think, he grinned and responded in a flirtatious tone, “I’ve had plenty of experience handling swords, Commander.”

The Commander stared at him blankly as a slight rosy color filled his cheeks, then cleared his throat as he handed the sword off to Dorian.

“How much experience do you have with shield work?” The Commander asked, getting into a proper fighting stance.

Dorian mimicked his movements, obviously less confident with a sword and shield. “Certainly less than with staff blades and staff defense,” he muttered.

The Commander nodded once. “Let us spar—so that I can evaluate what you know—then, we’ll try it again with your staff. All I want you to do is defend.” The troops drew closer, forming a circle like a fighting ring around the two. “Don’t let me into your personal space.”

Dorian wanted to make a suggestive remark about his personal space, but the time was lost as the blond charged at him with speed and an unfair amount of force. Dorian dodged and defended as best he could with what little knowledge he had while the Commander showed no mercy, but ultimately, in only a matter of seconds, the blond had managed to disarm him and enter his space.

They were nearly chest to chest, Dorian breathing somewhat heavily while the Commander hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“Your movements are arrogant,” he announced, loudly for the rest of the troops to hear, “despite having no idea what you are doing, clearly. While half of defense is confidence, not showing your enemy weakness, it is not the whole fight.”

He stepped away from Dorian, acquiring his stance once more. “Again,” the Commander proclaimed, “with your staff this time.”

Dorian smirked as he pulled his staff blade out of the soil, poising himself for a good fight. He knew this was about physical defense, no magic involved, but by the Maker if he wouldn’t fight back.

The Commander once again charged at him, but this time Dorian knew what to do. He twirled his staff, directing the sword’s momentum away and back to the Commander, using his own power against him. Aside from a huff of disapproval, the blond went unfazed, using the off-railed momentum to carry his shield arm forward, bashing Dorian’s staff in an attempt to throw him off balance. But Dorian stabbed his staff blade into the ground, stopping the blond’s shield dead in its tracks. The Commander pressed forward, waiting for Dorian to inevitably lift his staff and take the force.

Rather than lift his staff, Dorian used it as leverage to swing his body around and kick the unsuspecting Commander’s sword from his hand. Unfortunately for Dorian, his opponent was ambidextrous, catching the sword in his left hand and switching the shield to his right. At this point, the Commander was visibly annoyed, putting more force into his blows, testing the mage’s strength. Dorian held his position for as long as he could, motivated by the troops’ shocked mumbling to one another.

Finally, after several minutes, the Commander’s sword came down on the blade of Dorian’s staff, throwing off the momentum and leaving Dorian open for the Commander to once again step into his space.

After this round, however, they were both panting, a sheen of sweat lightly reflecting on the blond’s chest. Dorian kept his eyes up, staring intently into the Commander’s.

“Much better,” He said flatly. “You use your staff as an extension of yourself. You know not only the magical maneuvers, but the physical ones as well. You still need to work on paying more attention to your opponent, and less to your own actions. They should come as second nature, as I’m sure your magic does.” The Commander backed away once again, relaxing his grip on his weapons. “Well done, overall. I’ve worked with and against many mages and, routinely, close combat was their weakness.” He scanned Dorian from head to toe, shrugging slightly. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m impressed, but…” extending his hand out to Dorian, “I respect your ability.”

A nearly collective gasp came from the audience of troops around them, all surprised at Dorian’s redemption. From problem recruit, to Commander-respected mage. Perhaps Dorian had nothing to worry about after all.

He took the blond’s outstretched hand and shook it lightly, bowing his head with thanks and returned respect.

“Now then,” the Commander signaled for the troops to regroup into previous formation, “While we have mages among our ranks, many of you would not find the maneuvers performed by Ser Dorian particularly useful, unless you plan on fighting nonlethally.” A quiet chuckle simmered through the troops.

“For the majority of your sakes, I will have my associate Cassandra help me with your training. I warn you, she is a stickler for form. And rightfully so, as it could mean your life…”

The rest of training went by with little incident, other than the occasional calling out and embarrassing of inept recruits. And by the end of the session, nearing lunch, everyone was exhausted.

As the mass headed off for the dining hall, dismissed reluctantly by the Lady Seeker, Dorian saw from the corner of his eye the Commander and Seeker talking in hushed voices, glancing occasionally in his direction.

I’ll speak with him, he made out from the Commander’s lip movements. After nodding and donning a linen shirt, Dorian watched from his peripheral vision as the blond closed in on him.

“Ser Dorian,” he placed a light hand on the mage’s shoulder, “Could I speak with you a moment?”

Dorian acted surprised, even going so far as to ask, “Am I in some sort of trouble?”

The Commander chuckled, “Not at all. Performing well in front of your peers in nothing to be punished for. However, on the topic of your performance, I wanted to ask you a few questions.”

Dorian’s breath hitched. Kaffas, they’re getting suspicious, he thought to himself, trying not to appear alarmed.

The Commander led him away from the hungry glob of languid recruits and in the direction of a more private location, beginning to ask several questions along the way.

“So, if you don’t mind my asking, where did you learn to fight with a staff?” he asked nonchalantly, hands clasped behind his back in a relaxed manner.

“I went to a very prestigious academy; one where our days were filled with nothing but magical and alchemical training. More general teachings—reading, writing, arithmetic—were expected to be taught in the household between school hours.” Dorian explained, leaving out any details that could be traced to Tevinter.

The Commander nodded, humming in understanding before asking, “In Orlais? I read in your recruitment form you were born and raised there.”

“Indeed,” Dorian knew quite a bit about Orlais, and spoke a bit of Orlesian, so he supposed he could continue this lie rather well. “I was lucky to be born to a noble family.”

“I’ve never heard of the Rider family.” The Commander stated bluntly, making Dorian’s heart jump a little.

“Well,” he began, spinning a believable story in his head, “we were unfortunately, when I was rather young, stripped of our finances by a business partner who ran off with my parents’ money. The rest appears to be history.”

The Commander narrowed his eyes, taking Dorian up and down once again. “I prefer my history well documented.”

Before Dorian could comment, a runner jogged toward them, handing off a stack of papers.

“Commander! New reports for you, Ser. Spymaster says they’re not urgent, but could be useful.”

The blond sighed and skimmed several of the papers, a lock of frazzled hair falling in front of his face. He rolled his eyes, handing the papers back to the runner, “Useful seems an over statement. Jim, take these to my office and tell Leliana, respectfully, this matter is a waste of my time.”

The runner nervously nodded, jogging off from whence he came. The Commander sighed and pressed his thumb to the bridge of his nose as he thought aloud quietly, “I am not the negotiator, that is Josephine’s job and it should remain her job if we are all to stay sane…”

He dropped his hand after a moment with a deep sigh before turning to Dorian. “I apologize, Ser Dorian, but I’ve work to do before the next bout of training. If you’ll excuse me.”

“Certainly, Commander…?” Dorian waited for a reply.

“Cullen. Always Commander Cullen, of course.”

“Of course,” Dorian agreed. “Until this afternoon, Commander Cullen.” He gave a graceful bow, the Commander simply ducking his head slightly in acknowledgement before they parted ways.

__________

Dorian tossed and turned that night, nerves and nightmares drilling deep into his conscience. He woke with a start, finding his fellow troops all still asleep, gentle blue moonlight shining through the slit of a window. Determined to clear his mind and be able to go back to sleep before training that morning, Dorian set off for the battlements.

After climbing the steps, passing the few troops on night watch, Dorian found a good spot to clear his head, out of the path of patrolling guards. He leaned against the stone wall and hung his head over, propping himself up on his elbows. He sighed, hoping his nerves would leave with his breath and leave him his confident self once again. But the worry continued; worry about being found out, about being dragged back home, about dying a face in the crowd, no one knowing him for what he wanted to stand for. A man against the fear mongering of his homeland, a man against the all-ruling wants of the Imperium, the good Tevinter.

But above all else, he worried about dying before he could prove to himself that he deserved all that recognition.

Just as the feeling of existentialism began to consume him, he heard a sudden voice from behind him, gentle and light. Soft, in a way.

“Shouldn’t you be getting some rest? You trained hard yesterday, you deserve it.”

Dorian jumped and turned to see the person speaking to him. He found the Commander, once again in linens, leaning in the doorway to what Dorian assumed was his office.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your brooding,” Cullen said apologetically, coming to lean against the battlement walls as well. “I heard walking around out here, and the guards don’t patrol this close to my office. I thought maybe there was trouble. Was I correct?”

Dorian smiled gently, looking out over the mountains again, “If I’m deserving of a rest, you are far beyond deserving. Letting recruits wail on you for hours? You must be tired.”

Cullen took a deep breath, letting it out as he spoke, “They don’t know nearly enough to have actually done any damage. I’ve certainly taken worse.”

They stayed silent for a moment before Cullen spoke again, “But you didn’t answer me.”

Dorian looked at him curiously.

“Is there trouble?”

Dorian chuckled, letting out a breathy laugh and ducking his head. “No, I’m just a bit sleepless. It’s nothing new, nothing I can’t cope with.”

Cullen nodded, quiet for a moment, before saying, “With all due respect, Ser Dorian, I don’t believe you.”

Those were not words Dorian needed to hear. They only added to his nervousness over being found out. He wanted to get out of there, quickly. “I suppose I should head off then, back to bed. Don’t want to be late for morning training again.”

“There’s no curfew, you know. Well, the tavern closes an hour after sunset, but there’s no rule saying you can’t wander the grounds.”

Dorian wasn’t sure how to continue, still poised to walk away.

“Would you mind if we talked a moment?” Cullen asked innocently, gesturing to his office.

Dorian reluctantly entered the Commander’s office and took a seat.

“Our ambassador looked into your ‘noble family’, by the way.” Cullen uttered as he closed the door, sauntering over to his desk and pulling Dorian’s recruitment form out to place in front of the mage.

He was fucked, he knew it. They found out who he really was and they were going to assume he was a Venatori spy, interrogate him for information, maybe even kill him.

“Only noble Rider family in Orlais was over two hundred years ago and they died out from inherited illness. So…” Cullen lowered himself into his seat, propping his elbows on the desk and placing his head on his wound hands, “Why did you lie?”

Dorian looked through the papers in front of him; his recruitment form, his payment contract, the information dug up on the Riders, but found nothing about his true identity. Did they not figure out who he really was? Was Cullen keeping the information from him to catch him in another lie? Dorian took a deep breath before testing his luck.

“I was staying with an old friend of mine in the Hinterlands when your recruiters came knocking. My friend manages her land all on her own—it isn’t much, but she’s not as spry as younger folk—and I came to help her. The recruiters were insistent that she ‘volunteer’ or that she sign for a draft. Obviously, she can’t leave her crops and animals to parish, so I offered to go in her place, on behalf of her household.”

Dorian held his breath, waiting for Cullen to react.

The blond took a breath before restating, “Your friend is older and you wanted to make sure she wouldn’t lose her land by being drafted?”

Dorian nodded, still barely breathing.

Cullen pursed his lips and slowly bobbed his head, glancing back down to Dorian’s papers.

Finally, he opened his mouth to speak, “My recruiters were trying to force her to volunteer? Or sign for the draft? That goes against their orders, which are, simply, to spread the word of our cause and take those who volunteer for a draft, if necessary, or to join the ranks.”

Dorian let out his breath, slowly as to not let on how truly relieved he was. Cullen had not only accepted his story, but truly seemed to believe it. Not all of it was a lie, in fact most of it was true, if not laid in truth.

“Let me ask next, did you give us her name when volunteering? Or some other alias?” Cullen raised his brows like a disappointed parent catching their child in a lie.

Dorian knew giving his real name would give him away and possibly get him killed, so he instead continued the lie. “No, my name is Dorian Rider, however I don’t believe there’s any relation to the Orlesian family. As far as I know, my roots are in Antiva. However, I do not know much about my heritage. My family…” He cringed at the little truth he was about to slip in, “My family disowned me for not following their life plans for me. I only know where my parents were born.”

Cullen’s eyes went soft, emotion slipping through his interrogation mask. “I…I am truly sorry. That’s something I’ve been lucky enough to never have experienced. I won’t press the matter.”

Dorian nodded in thanks, his heart finally settling.

“While your intent was in good standing,” Cullen said, running his hands through his natural curls, “I must still report this as misconduct. You could have worse; I’m going rather easy on you for this sort of misdemeanor. I expect I will not regret my decision, Ser Dorian?”

Dorian nodded, just relieved the whole confrontation was over.

“Good, then I believe everything is settled,” Cullen stated, leading Dorian to the door.

As Dorian began to hurry off, Cullen called after him, “And Ser Dorian!”

Dorian turned to listen.

“I said while sparring I would not go so far as to say I was impressed with your performance. It seems I told a bit of a lie myself.”

Cullen gave a knowing look before closing the door to his office.

__________

After several days of following a simple routine—getting up at the arse-crack of dawn, training for the morning, eating lunch, then training until sundown—Dorian began to feel comfortable with his new surroundings. Since his impressive display sparring with the Commander, people had begun to respect him, addressing him politely as he passed, even if Dorian was hardly their acquaintance. He felt good, confident in himself once again, and sure his secret was completely safe.

As he wandered the courtyard, clearing his mind after a lackluster lunch with the other recruits, Dorian noticed an elf with a powerful stance, Dalish markings on his skin, approaching him with purpose in his step.

“Dorian Rider, yes? I’ve heard much about you from your fellow troops; and our Commander himself.”

“Inquisitor!” Dorian suddenly realized, only having seen the man from a distance before now, “It’s an honor. And I’m happy to have good things said about me.” He bowed, low and respectful.

The elf scoffed, “Please, enough with the formalities. I was hoping to speak with you, if I could.” He gestured forward, in the direction of the main hall.

“Of course,” Dorian answered as he followed, only a slight nervousness rising in his chest.

When they arrived in the hall, few people occupying the echoing space, the Inquisitor began to ask, “From all I’ve seen and heard, you have quite a talent for magic and fighting. While all mages are technically apostates now, I understand you were an apostate before all the in-fighting broke out. Is that correct?”

Dorian nodded, thinking he knew where this was going. “I was indeed. While I won’t claim to be better than a Circle mage, I do believe I had the opportunity to learn many magic forms the Chantry might frown on. Excluding blood magic, of course. A disgusting use of power.” Dorian shuddered slightly, remembering its uses in Tevinter politics.

“Absolutely. You seem an upstanding man, one who would not abuse the privilege of living outside the Circle.” The Inquisitor sauntered slowly toward a door at the side of the hall, pushing it open and beckoning Dorian through. Dorian obliged, waiting in the short corridor before holding the second door open for the elf.

“Among my people blood magic is considered savage and unnatural, as many others feel, Circle mage or no. While I believe the Circle has a place, I do not believe it is to control or constrict mages, but to teach them and help them learn to control themselves and their own power. From what Commander Cullen has told me about Kirkwall, I think the Circle has driven more mages to consider dark magicks as a means to escape. Horrifying things they may never have even conceived of if given more freedom.”

The elf seemed oddly adamant for a non-mage, making Dorian slightly suspicious as to where the conversation was headed. But as the Inquisitor led them to a massive room with a massive map table, Dorian felt there would be no trouble today.

Several men stood behind the map table, some Dorian recognized as the Inquisitor’s associates, and others he’d seen around Skyhold with no context as to who they were.

“I’d like to introduce you to some of my most trusted members and friends of the Inquisition.” The elf gestured forward with a sweeping motion, triggering everyone to bow their heads and smile.

“Firstly, Solas, who has been with us from the beginning, helping me cope with the Anchor and studying its power.”

The tall slender elf smiled softly, “It is a pleasure, Ser Dorian.”

“Secondly—of course you know him—our Commander, Cullen, leader of our forces, ex-Templar, currently slowly dying from lyrium withdrawal he never told me about.” The Inquisitor eyed him angrily as the Commander gave a sheepish smile, muttering some sort of apology.

“And of course, the roguish duo of Varric and his little shadow Cole.”

The Dwarf waved as he continued to tune up his crossbow, saying casually, “Good to meet you, pretty boy.”

The young man behind him, on the other hand, looked Dorian curiously in the eyes before uttering, “You’re different inside your head: lacking, loathing, lonely; soft words never enough, but harsh words too harsh to heal.”

Dorian gave the Inquisitor a side glance, eyes wide with surprise. “Um, yeah. He does…that.” The Inquisitor apologized.

Dorian nodded tentatively to each of them before saying quietly to the Inquisitor, “While it’s lovely to meet everyone, I’m not quite sure I understand what this is about.”

The elf chuckled as he approached the war table and walked around to join his colleagues on the other side. “I, Eridan Levellan, would like to personally induct you into my inner circle, to join me and my allies—and closest friends—in the monumental task of keeping the Inquisition afloat and keeping our allies, and prospective allies, satisfied and compliant.”

Dorian’s jaw fell open in shock, meaning to say something, but at a loss for words.

The Inquisitor laughed again, “Allow me to explain my reasoning: Cullen and Cassandra told me about your skill with fighting and magic after your first display, and have kept me up to date on your progress and ability as it’s been relieved to us through your training. While I am incredibly glad to have you among our forces, I think your skill could be better put to use in the field, when it’s just me and a small group out and about.”

He pulled Cole and Varric into his side, arms around their shoulders and a hand on Solas’s arm as he stated, “While I have other members in my inner circle, these three are the ones who most often join me on my personal missions. Providing immediate aid, closing rifts, dealing with people’s weird family problems in exchange for supplies and alliance—we see it all, and it’s all dangerous. I think I could use someone with your talent out with me, watching my back!”

The short, and surprisingly stocky elf seemed incredibly excited about the concept, raising his eyebrows to question Dorian, imploring him to accept the offer.

When Dorian hesitated, Solas spoke up, voice soft and reassuring, “If I am to have an opinion in the matter, I would be delighted to work with another mage interested in the magicks not taught within any Circle. As an apostate myself, I chose to study spirits and ancient magicks, finding lost pieces of history in the fade as I dreamt. Many mages from the Circle believe this means I have made pacts with demons, and explaining my innocent intentions becomes tiresome. I, for one, would welcome the addition of a like minded apostate into our ranks.”

“The only apostate I ever met escaped from the Circle and it’s all he ever talked about. ‘Templars this, rebellion that.’ Had an insane spirit living in him, too. I’d like to spend time with less crazy mages,” Varric chimed in.

“You think about acceptance, but have never come to expect it. I’ve seen the dangers, lived with them. If that’s acceptance, I would have to change for it. Would I be myself after that?...” Cole was suddenly next to him, despite being under the Inquisitor’s arm only a second ago.

“Sweet Andra—! Can you not do that?” Dorian exclaimed, almost jumping away.

“Don’t mind him. He’s some kind of ‘good’ spirit. He doesn’t really understand boundaries.” The Inquisitor said, coming around the war table to pull Cole away by the wrist.

Cullen’s voice, the softest of everyone’s, gained Dorian’s attention immediately, “As the one who recommended this to begin with, I of course think you should accept. You have a wonderful talent that I can’t use among my troops. It seems a pity to waste it under my command.” He gave an encouraging smile, making Dorian’s mind up instantly.

“Inquisitor, it would be an honor to be part of your inner circle. I accept.”

The Inquisitor practically cheered, ushering everyone out so he could explain what would be expected of Dorian. Dorian listened intently, making sure to joke with the elf to gain his trust and form a feeling of comradery.

After stepping out of the war room, Dorian found Cullen waiting for him, leaning against the ambassador’s empty desk, standing upright when Dorian entered the room.

“I’m happy to hear you’ll be traveling with the Inquisitor from now on. As I said before, I truly think your skills will be better suited in the field.” Cullen extended his hand to offer congratulations.

Dorian took it in a confident grasp, giving a single solid shake. “I appreciate the referral. I’m certain it will surprise you to hear, but not many people appreciate my efforts.”

Cullen chuckled, “I can certainly relate; there have been times in my life where I felt the same. Looking back…” the Commander trailed off slightly, “Well, I’m not so certain anymore that my efforts deserved to be appreciated.”

“I assume you mean your time as a Templar?”

The blond sighed, rubbing nervously at the back of his neck, “Yes. I followed faithfully, but I realize now I was not following the right path.”

Dorian smiled, understanding completely, “Believe me, Commander, I know the feeling.”

They were both quiet for a moment before Cullen asked, shyly, “Would you mind if I asked…?”

“My family. What my family had planned for me, for the rest of my life. I followed as faithfully as I could until…” Dorian looked at his feet, eyes full of pain, trying to avoid Cullen noticing. “Until I was older and understood what they expected of me. After I dared to defy them one too many times…”

Dorian stopped. He couldn’t say anymore. Yes, it might give him away, but that wasn’t why he couldn’t speak. He knew, he remembered what his father was willing to do to change his preferences, and it hurt too much to say out loud. The man he thought had his best interests at heart turned out to only care about himself. Saying it out loud was like admitting a truth Dorian didn’t want to accept.

Cullen tried to look him in the eyes, touching his hand ever so gently to gain his attention. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s alright, I’m learning to accept it. It just…isn’t fun to talk about.” Dorian gave a pained smile.

Cullen sighed, dropping his hand from Dorian’s in favor of rubbing at his neck again, “I know. One’s past shapes who they are and who they become. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept who you were…”

Dorian saw the familiarity in Cullen’s gaze—distant and unsure—and heard the regret in his tone, but decided not to push the matter.

“Or, uh, who your parents were, I mean. I-I’m sure you’ve always been this wonderful. A wonderful person, that is! Good, uh, good moral standing, and all that.” Cullen’s face was very quickly getting red as he tried to avoid eye contact and stutter through his explanation.

Dorian chuckled, taking pity on the blond. “I understood what you meant, Commander, no worries.”

“Cullen.”

“Pardon?”

The Commander looked up suddenly, looking directly into Dorian’s eyes. He hadn’t noticed before that they were nearly gold. “Call me Cullen. You’re no longer under my command, so please: just Cullen.” He smiled so genuinely that Dorian almost forgot to respond.

“Oh, yes, well…” he laughed a little more to fill the silence as he thought. “I suppose I like the title. It suits you.”

Cullen smiled sheepishly, the blush coming back, less strong this time. “As you wish, Ser Dorian.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, shifting his weight to a more casual stance, finally feeling comfortable, “Now you’re just teasing me.”

Cullen poorly faked a look of offence, “Tease? Never!”

“Mm, you should work on your poker face, Commander.” Dorian couldn’t help but smile a bit.

Cullen laughed with him before the two fell silent again, neither wanting to leave, but neither knowing what to say.

“I…I wanted to ask a while ago, but I didn’t want the other recruits to think I was giving you special treatment: would you care to continue sparring when neither of us is busy? As odd as it may sound, I enjoyed the challenge.” Cullen seemed to be looking anywhere but ahead, avoiding Dorian’s eyes.

Dorian grinned, also avoiding eye contact, feeling like a childish school boy dodging around outright flirting with one another. “I would like that, actually.”

The two agreed on a time and place, and parted ways for the rest of the day. Dorian wandered a while until he saw the Inquisitor again, casually asking about continuing to sleep in the barracks.

“Oh! We can find you more private quarters if you like. I certainly wouldn’t want to live with a bunch of other people if I didn’t have to. Talk to Josephine, our Ambassador; she’ll find an open room for you.”

And so Dorian did, and by the end of the day, he had moved his belongings to a small—but comfortable—room with a view of the tavern and gardens. Right off the side of the main hall, and up a few flights of stairs, Dorian’s door opened to a balcony where he could see everything. While he knew these rooms were meant for visiting guests, and it may not be a permanent living situation, he had to admit it felt good to have his own space again. He did what had to be done to survive—slept in inns, travelers’ camps, worked odd jobs before finding Miss Ella’s farm— but it certainly wasn’t the lifestyle he was used to.

But that lifestyle was far out of reach now. As he sat on the edge of his new bed, mindlessly sorting his collection of magical trinkets, he wondered if life would have been better if he went along with his family’s plan to begin with. Marry the girl, have another mage son, continue living a lie for the rest of his life. He often told himself it would have been easier, but that wasn’t true. How could it be easy to deny your true self for your entire life? How could it be easy to force yourself to have sex with someone you could never be attracted to until you finally had a child?

How could it be easier than leaving everything you’ve ever known behind? That was difficult enough on its own.

“I don’t know;” he thought aloud, “how could it be harder?”

“Harder?”

Dorian jumped, conjuring a small flame in his palm on instinct, letting it fizzle as he saw the Commander in the doorway, leaning casually on the doorframe.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Cullen said, extending his hand out as he carefully approached, “I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just thought I would come see how you were adjusting. All this, it must be a bit of a transition.”

Dorian’s palm quickly cooled as he let out a long breath, slowly calming down from the scare. “It certainly is. I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but it seems so sudden. Too sudden.”

Cullen chuckled, “I’d say you’ve earned it. But of course I would, I made the suggestion. How do you feel about it all?” he cocked his head on a slight angle, like a curious dog.

Dorian gestured for the Commander to sit next to him, the blond taking a tentative seat. “It’s odd. Coming here the way I did. Knowing what I came from—money, power, having to exceed expectations if you wanted to get anywhere in life…it was so stressful, and running away from it all was so stressful. And now…”

Dorian turned his head to see Cullen’s innocent golden eyes filled with understanding, knowing just as well what it was like to run from the only life you’d ever known. He found himself entranced, forgetting everything as he lost himself in wisdom-filled, pained eyes that reminded him of his own, a tired glaze darkening the once bright shine of hope they held years ago.

“And now?” Cullen repeated, hardly voicing the words.

The moment felt so intimate; the bed was somewhat small, so they were seated close, leaning toward each other. Cullen’s hand was pressed to the bed to support him as he leaned, placed right behind Dorian. It almost felt like they were embraced without touching each other. He felt comfortable, so comfortable he couldn’t even bring himself to question what was happening. So he simply let the moment linger. It didn’t feel awkward, it didn’t feel drawn out. It just felt…comfortable.

It seemed like an eternity before Cullen’s leg gently bumped his, the blond letting the tips of his fingers rest on Dorian’s thigh. He wasn’t sure what the intent of the action was, but it only made Dorian lose himself more. At first he was just lost in the ex-Templar’s eyes. Now he could see the entirety of him, inside and out. And after scanning over his body, Dorian’s eyes locked on to the blond’s lips. The room froze, time froze. Dorian saw Cullen’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed harshly, obviously wanting more than just Dorian’s eyes on his lips.

Dorian let himself move closer, just a bit, and Cullen did the same.

“And now,” Dorian’s voice was somewhere below a whisper, “things almost feel easy.”

“They could be,” Cullen’s voice was even, giving nothing away. Dorian wished there was some sort of hoarseness, wobbliness, something in his voice that made it clear what was happening here.

But Dorian wasn’t sure. He needed to be certain before he outed himself here. In Ferelden, in the Inquisition, in this moment with Cullen. He needed to be certain.

So he backed off, leaning away again and closing his eyes. He heard the Commander sigh next to him and clear his throat, shifting away.

“You sound like you have a lot on your mind,” Cullen sounded disappointed, but by this point Dorian had already convinced himself not taking a chance was the better course of action.

“I can leave you with your thoughts, if you like?”

“For now,” Dorian sighed, “That might be best.”

Cullen nodded, standing and heading for the door. “Until tomorrow?” he asked, audibly confused about their situation.

Dorian smiled gently, “Until tomorrow, Commander.”

__________

Dorian slept only a few hours that night, anxious and almost excited for Cullen and his appointment. He wore something more or less appropriate for sparring, forgoing his Inquisition sanctioned armor in favor of his own. It fit his form in a much more flattering way, and the magical embellishments made it more practical as well. He had a bounce to his step as he exited his room, using his staff halfheartedly like a walking stick as he went.

Before he reached the training grounds, Dorian took the time to admire how empty Skyhold felt. There were a few soldiers on the battlement, tired runners getting back from late errands, even two recruits who thought they were being stealthy while stealing a bottle of ale from the closed tavern. They noticed him, swearing as they sprinted off into the bushes to enjoy their find, and Dorian couldn’t help but chuckle at their youthful behavior.

He felt content. Things were going well. He knew he shouldn’t let his guard down, but Dorian couldn’t force himself to be paranoid in this peaceful moment an hour before dawn. He looked to the sky to see the scar and the moon almost perfectly aligned, about halfway set. He had time.

Just as he took a deep breath, a gentle voice barely rocked him.

“Fancy meeting you here. Any reason you’re up so early?”

Dorian turned to see Cullen with a smirk on his lips and still in full armor, despite normally dressing down to train and spar.

“I believe we had a date, Commander. It appears you may have forgotten, from your dress.” Dorian let Cullen notice as he purposefully drug his gaze over the blond’s physic, deciding against licking his lips. What about the wee hours of the morning made Dorian so openly flirtatious, he would never know. Even when it came to men who otherwise wouldn’t be his first choice, Dorian was always more open minded at the early hours.

Cullen raised a brow under the sensual scrutiny, “Oh, I haven’t forgotten. And I could say the same for you, in your…intricate attire.” He dropped his sword and shield next to him on the ground as he began to remove his upper armor, leaving his boots and trousers alone.

“Oh, do you like it? I would have brought it out sooner if we weren’t made to wear uniforms under your command. Boring, ugly uniforms.” Dorian shuddered dramatically.

Cullen shook his head and smirked as he loosely held his weapons, now shirtless and prepared to spar. “I didn’t assign those uniforms, you can take that up with the Inquisitor. However, I doubt your armor would be very practical when rushing into battle. Too many belts.” He eyed Dorian’s armor, trying to figure out how it worked.

Dorian adopted a pose to show quite a bit of his body, showing himself and the armor off at once. “It’s not nearly as complicated as it looks.” Stated matter-of-factly, before dipping his voice to a more sultry tone, “I could show you if you like. With practice, you could become quite proficient. It doesn’t take me much time to strip out of it all.”

His eyes were lidded as he watched Cullen. The Commander’s expression hardly changed as he said, oh so quietly as usual, “Perhaps I’ll keep that in mind.”

He hadn’t hesitated with his response, and Dorian found himself caught off guard at Cullen’s boldness. Maybe the morning hours had an effect on him as well.

“Well then,” he said, squaring up to Dorian, “How shall we start?”

Dorian followed his lead, “Magic or no magic?”

“None yet. I haven’t had to defend against magic without my—what did you call them? ‘Little Templar tricks’?—in quite some time. I don’t want either of us to get hurt. Perhaps when we have some supervision.”

Dorian sighed and said in an overly exasperated tone, “Shame; I was rather hoping these would be…private sessions.” He winked.

Cullen’s face heated, but it didn’t stop him from responding, “Out in the courtyard? This is hardly private. Now, if you ever show me how to work that ‘armor’ of yours; that I’d consider a private session.”

The morning was chilly, dew freezing on to the grass, but it was warm enough that Dorian should not have visibly shivered. He couldn’t pull any excuse when Cullen noticed. It was obvious what was happening. The blond smirked at him, Dorian trying not to think about the effect Cullen’s flirtations had on him. Not here, and certainly not now. Dorian had designed his armor himself, and liked that it fit in a way that left few things to the imagination, but if this sparring session got a little too handsy, Dorian may be wishing he had worn the Inquisition’s armor instead.

Thankfully, Cullen didn’t mention Dorian’s reaction, and simply started their training, leading with the initial blow as always. Dorian could dodge and throw up wards like there was no tomorrow, but he wanted to train his defense, not just evasion. So he used his staff to block and parry Cullen’s attacks, focusing his mind on observing his opponent, just as Cullen had been telling him to.

Before long, Dorian was focusing less and less on Cullen’s form, attack patterns, or eye line, and more on his body, movement, and gaze.

His eyes seemed sharp, knowing exactly where he wanted to land a blow. His body was under full control, every muscle accounted for and flowing to where his gaze wanted them. He moved with such grace for a warrior; surprisingly loose and agile for all his heavy armor and muscle build.

Dorian had continued to successfully dodge and defend while in his trance, but he hadn’t been holding his ground very well, slowly backing up and losing awareness of where his feet were.

Inevitably, his foot landed on uneven ground and he slipped. But long before he would have hit the ground, Cullen wrapped his arm around the mage’s waist and pulled him back up, their chests flush.

Dorian was tense, not even having realized he’d been falling until Cullen pulled him back. He returned from his thoughts when he heard Cullen’s voice say with an incredible tenderness, “I’ve got you.”

“You certainly have…”

Cullen cocked a brow, gentle smile still donned, as he waited for Dorian to make a move. He wasn’t letting go until Dorian told him to, and Dorian finally had the confirmation he needed to take the risk of making said move. His body relaxed against the Commander’s as he let his arms slide between them, nimble fingers tracing up Cullen’s marred chest. Dorian let his hands rest on either side of the blond’s neck, slowly pulling him forward to let their lips meet.

But just as their lips brushed together, they heard footsteps skid to a halt in front of them.

Cullen sighed and turned his head, growling with frustration, “What!?”

The troop looked stunned, having only just realized what she walked up on. When she failed to answer, the Commander let go of Dorian’s waist and marched slowly, intimidatingly toward the recruit, nostrils flared and steps heavy. The young woman backed away with her hands close to her face as if Cullen might actually hurt her. Dorian couldn’t blame her for thinking he might; the blond certainly wasn’t calm.

“I-I’m so sorry Ser, I just w-wanted to be e-early—”

“What do you think the bells are for? So you can wake up before them? If you showed up to battle early, do you know what would happen?”

“I don’t—”

“It would be you against an army, with your fellow soldiers miles behind you. You would be dead before you even had time to scream.”

The poor girl was shaking by this point, trying to stutter an apology through wobbly breath.

Cullen closed his eyes tightly, grumbling as he pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. “While I appreciate your incentive,” he began after he calmed down, “I expect you all here exactly when I say. Not a second later, nor a second sooner. Don’t be early, be on time.”

He looked apologetically to the girl as she continued to quiver. Cullen placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her around, gently prodding her back toward the barracks. She walked off slowly, still in shock.

Dorian smiled and shook his head, arms crossed, as Cullen sauntered back over to him with an embarrassed blush, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“That poor young woman is going to have nightmares” Dorian looked at Cullen accusingly, but he couldn’t help smiling at how ridiculous the whole situation was.

“I’m going to have to apologize to her later. I think I ruined the moment more than her seeing us did.” Cullen’s blush reached from the tips of his ears all the way down his neck and to the bottom of his collarbone.

Dorian chuckled and stepped closer to Cullen again, placing a hand on his cheek only to be greeted with the heat of his blush. “Perhaps we can bring it back before the bells. Unless you’d like to frighten a few more of your troops this morning? Show them who’s boss, etcetera?”

Cullen scoffed a little, but he was smiling. How could he not be, when Dorian was gently caressing his face and coaxing him into a kiss? He replaced his hand on Dorian’s waist and pressed against him, the mage pulling Cullen in tighter by the biceps.

And, finally, their lips met. Dorian meant for it to be rather chaste, leaving Cullen wanting more, but he couldn’t pull himself away. It wasn’t the same kiss he had gotten a hundred times in Tevinter. It wasn’t a formality during a loveless night together. This kiss was warm and soft, tender and compassionate, much like the man giving it.

Dorian’s hands slid up Cullen’s arms to hold his neck firmly, for fear the blond might pull away before Dorian had gotten the chance to relish the kiss. Cullen let his shield clatter to the ground, wrapping both arms tightly around the mage, hands splayed across his back, trying to feel through the armor. For a moment, Dorian considered removing the upper portion of his armor, so the two could be skin to skin, and he could feel Cullen’s callused hands up and down his back. By the Maker, that’s all he wanted in the moment, but he forced himself to save the stripping for somewhere other than the training grounds.

It almost felt like it lasted for hours by the intensity and the way the sun had risen over the fortress walls in the meantime. What finally broke the kiss was the striking ringing of the morning bells sounding Skyhold to wake up. Both men jumped at the sound, completely forgetting their surroundings while locked in each other’s embrace.

Dorian’s surprised eyes locked with Cullen’s with a matching expression, and both couldn’t help but laugh at their reaction. Cullen’s arms were still around Dorian’s waist, and Dorian’s draped over the Commander’s shoulders comfortably. It wasn’t until the men caught a glimpse of approaching grounds keepers that their embrace fell away, standing back awkwardly from one another before they were discovered.

“I…”

Cullen raised his eyebrows, waiting for Dorian to say something, because he was too stunned to do it himself.

“Thank you. For the sparring, that is. I…enjoyed it.” Dorian didn’t want to believe he was blushing, but he knew blood was rushing to his face.

Cullen smiled, only extending his hand in response. Dorian took Cullen’s hand in a firm grasp, giving a single solid shake. They stared at one another for a moment before Cullen stepped forward, his hold becoming gentle and soft. Eyes still locked with Dorian’s, he pressed a lasting kiss to the back of the man’s hand, the gesture holding more emotion than Dorian knew how to respond to. So, instead, he just smiled and ducked his head.

“So did I.” Cullen said lightly bringing their entwined hands away from his lips.

__________

His mind was in shambles, there was no way he could focus with his heart and head racing like this. Adrenaline had his hands shaking and his legs restless, so he paced. And paced and paced, around the room like it was a stage and all his anxiety and fears were the actors in a play.

But all these were real. Far too real for comfort.

Dorian exasperatedly threw open his door, rushing to the tavern to drown his panic attack away. As he walked—it was more of a jog, if he was honest—he wondered if there was really any reason to be anxious. Had anyone even seen him snogging the Commander? Would it be as scandalous in Ferelden as in Tevinter? While he doubted it, his anxious mind was having none of his logic.

When he entered the Herald’s Rest, it was fairly loud, the Inquisitor and Bull getting rowdy with the Chargers and a few stray recruits. Good, plenty of noise to drown out his thoughts.

Dorian grabbed a seat and a drink and proceeded to drink his feelings.

He hadn’t been counting, but it must have been an hour after he started drinking—and seven drinks in; he had been counting those—before a large and gruff hand smacked him playfully on the shoulder. Dorian jumped, turning quickly and narrowing his eyes. As he looked up, he saw a massive rack of Qunari horns and muscle looming over him, tankard in hand and bare chested.

“How’s it going? You’re that mage who kicked Cullen’s ass, yeah?” he lowered into a chair across the table.

“Is that how the story’s been spun?” Dorian’s words were melding together as he swirled his drink around in its mug.

“Might as well go with it,” the Oxman shrugged. “Better than being known as the undercover Vint, right?”

Dorian immediately sobered, back straightening and voice dropping low. “Who are you? What do you know and what do you want?”

Bull raised his brow, “Not even denying it? I’m guessing you aren’t normally this careless when you’re sober. Don’t think you would have made it this far.”

“Answer me,” Dorian growled through clenched teeth.

Smiling, Bull leaned his beefy arms on the table, dropping his tone as well. “I’m Ben Hassrath. Don’t worry, it’s no secret, actually I think that’s the first thing I said to the Inquisitor,” Bull cleared his throat and adjusted to lean even farther across the table, “It’s my job to read people, know things they would never admit by just looking at them. Besides, you really don’t think a Qunari would recognize a Vint when he sees one?”

Dorian couldn’t think straight; the way Bull talked quietly felt as if he didn’t want to out anything, but why would he bring this up in the first place if he was going to keep it a secret?

“I can pay whatever you want, I come from a very wealthy family. Just name your price and I’ll—”

Bull held up a hand to stop him, “Yeah, your family might be rich, but you’re not, are you? You ran off with the clothes on your back and something expensive to sell, just in case. Isn’t that right?”

Dorian’s mouth hung open as he tried to process the information, the fact that Bull was hitting every nail on the head with no more information than what he could see on Dorian’s face.

“That’s what I thought. And don’t worry, I don’t need you to pay me. I know you’re not Venatori, just a regular cocky mage boy. You won’t hurt anyone, not on purpose anyway.” He leaned back, crossing his arms in triumph, watching as realization washed over Dorian’s face.

“You’re not going to tell the Inquisitor? Or the Inquisition as a whole?”

Bull shrugged, downing the last of his ale, “No point. You’re keeping this a secret for a reason, and it’s a pretty good one. It’s probably what I would do in your shoes.”

Dorian took a moment, then shook his head, “But…you were in my situation. And you told them who you really are.”

Laughter echoed around the tavern as Bull belted out, “Oh, I guess I did, didn’t I?” He let the last of the laughter trickle out in several smaller huffs. “Well, at least the whole world isn’t at war with the Qunari.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “For once,” he muttered.

Bull sneered at him, “Watch it, Vint boy.”

Dorian sighed a breath of relief, hanging his head in his hands. He had no reason to trust Bull would keep his word, but for now it was enough.

After a moment of relative silence—as silent as it can get in a tavern after dark—Dorian heard the chair across from him creak as Bull leaned forward again.

“So, uh…I can see you have a lot on your mind. Think I could help clear your head a bit?”

Dorian looked up in near disgust. He wasn’t sure it was genuine, more just to keep up the Qunari-Tevinter feud. “I think not.”

Bull shrugged and stood, sauntering back to his Chargers. “Suit yourself. You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

While Dorian had to admit he was curious, he was far too enamored with the Commander, thinking back over and over on their moment in the courtyard that morning.

__________

Paranoia had filled his bones for days, taking over his thoughts and actions. He wanted nothing more than to be alone, do as little as possible that could draw suspicion. He separated himself from the troops, the inner circle, the Inquisitor. Bull, especially.

And he tried to separate himself from Cullen, a major source of his anxiety. But every time he saw the blond walking toward him, with a sweet crooked smile that acknowledged their mutual feelings without bringing them to the forefront of conversation, Dorian could feel his shoulders relax and his mind declutter.

And, of course, it happened again. As Dorian trained in the courtyard, he could see the Commander’s infamous armor out of the corner of his eye. He just stood, watched as Dorian put his magic on display, not necessarily trying to impress anyone, but being impressive nonetheless.

At that point, Dorian was finding it hard to tell if Cullen was watching him out of adoration or suspicion. In an attempt to hide his nerves, Dorian ceased his casting and gave Cullen an exaggerated side glance.

“Enjoying the show, Commander?” He shifted his weight to one hip as he poked his staff into the ground.

Cullen raised his brows innocently, “Show? I was just admiring your form. A natural gift, I’m sure.”

Dorian strode up to where Cullen was leaning against a wall, “My form, he says.” He was tempted to run a hand down the blond’s chest, but chose not to out of fear of passersby noticing.

“I was simply studying how you move for the next time we spar, that’s all.” Cullen’s cheeks were ever so slightly pink.

Dorian grinned, “Is that all you were ‘studying’?” his voice was low and rumbly.

A few seconds passed before Cullen had to look away, his face turning bright red, unable to control a smile. Dorian had to give him props for how long the Commander managed to flirt back.

“I was actually here to ask if you had a bit of spare time,” Cullen’s blush slowly left his cheeks as he spoke, “but I figured I would wait until you were done.”

Dorian tilted his head a bit, “I might, depending on what for.”

“Chess.”

Was the conversation still flirtatious? Was “chess” a euphemism used in the south that Dorian wasn’t aware of?

“Chess?”

Cullen chuckled, “Yes, it’s something I like to do to clear my head, and you’ve seemed…full-headed, let’s say, as of late.”

Dorian huffed a laugh, “That would be one way to put it, yes.”

Cullen smiled and gestured to the garden, “Shall we, then?”

They didn’t say much as they walked to the garden, but Cullen began to explain as he pulled out Dorian’s chair for him, “My sister and I used to play chess against each other in hopes of beating our father one day.” He walked around to take his seat once Dorian was settled. “Eventually, she became even better at the game than Dad, so the new goal was for me to beat her. My brother and I practiced for months, hoping one of us would be able to beat her at least once. The look on her face when I finally won…”

The memory of triumph put the sweetest, most juvenile smile on Cullen’s scarred lips. Dorian couldn’t help but inquire, “A girl and two boys? Sounds like you parents had their work cut out for them.”

“Two girls and two boys, actually. Mia is the eldest, Rosalie is the youngest. I’m the older of us boys, however. Branson is a few years younger than me.”

Dorian scoffed with shock, “Quite a large family, isn’t it? And to think, I have no entertaining sibling stories to share.”

“Only child? You must have been spoiled, getting all the attention.” Cullen moved a piece on the board to start off the match.

Dorian gave a single harsh laugh. “Hardly; if my parents spent money on me, it was for my schooling. Only the most prestigious academies for their little heir.” Dorian rolled his eyes as he made his move, sitting back and crossing his arms after.

Cullen’s expression was so gentle and sympathetic. Dorian didn’t enjoy being pitied, but he knew Cullen wasn’t the type.

“Children should be free to have fun. It wasn’t fair of them to make you work so hard.”

Dorian felt a deep compressed anger bubble up before he said, “Children should be free to have fun, teenagers should be free to have fun, and I believe adults should be free to have fun. We should all just have fun with whomever we want and no one should have the right to judge us for it.”

Arms crossed over his chest, Dorian took a moment to calm down before looking back up to meet Cullen’s gaze. He seemed shocked and a little worried. Dorian looked at him expectantly with eyebrows raised.

“Uh, yes, I agree!” Cullen rushed to assure him, “I’m just not sure where that came from. Is that what’s been bothering you these past few days?”

Dorian sighed, “I suppose it’s part of it. That has been bothering me for most of my life, truthfully.”

The rest of the match was played in silence, Cullen only interjecting once to call Dorian out for cheating. They both laughed as Dorian replaced the affected piece, but they fell quiet again to finish the game.

“I believe that’s Checkmate.”

Dorian shook his head playfully, “You’re in the right line of work, it seems. Strategy is your forte. Good game, Commander.”

“And to you, Dorian. Care to play another round?”

As much as he was enjoying Cullen’s company, Dorian’s mind was tired from all his worrying—though this had been a good distraction—and he just needed to rest.

“I’m afraid not. I’ve things I wanted to get done today, I’m sorry.”

Cullen rose from his seat, “It’s no problem at all.”

Dorian rose as well, but neither went anywhere. They both just stood, looking softly at the other.

“Um…” Cullen rubbed at the back of his neck. “Could I walk you back to your quarters, then? Or wherever it is you’re headed.”

Dorian felt a flattered smile tease the corner of his lips. “I would like that, yes.”

On the steps up to the loft of the main hall, Dorian cleared his throat before speaking, “I apologize for my outburst earlier. I’ve just been thinking about my life back home recently.”

Cullen shook his head and placed a gentle hand on the mage’s back, “You have nothing to apologize for. I was hoping a game of chess would help clear your mind, so I was expecting you to vent a bit.”

At Dorian’s door Cullen added, “You know, you should feel free to talk to me. About anything. I said that when we first met, and it hasn’t changed just because you’re no longer under my command.”

As he stood in the doorway, Dorian glanced from Cullen to inside his room, wondering if he should act on their mutual attraction, or continue avoiding Cullen forever. How would Cullen be hurt if Dorian’s lies came to light? Not nearly as badly if they were just friends.

Dorian took a deep breath, “Maybe talking would help.”

Cullen smiled loosely.

“Or…” I’m really going through with this, aren’t I? “maybe not talking would help…”

Cullen’s smile fell away as he caught Dorian’s meaning. He didn’t make any move toward or away from Dorian, just like the first time he had been in his room. He simply said, in the quietest voice just above a whisper, “Whatever you’d like, I’m here.”

That was Dorian’s last chance to not do something stupid, but he ignored his racing heart. “I’d like you to come in.”

Cullen took a single stride into the room, closing the door and locking it behind them. He slowly closed the distance between them, placing caring hands on Dorian’s hips, waiting for more invitation.

Dorian let his hands glide up the armor on Cullen’s chest, watching his fingers draw closer to Cullen’s neck, the blond’s eyes studying his unsure expression all the while.

Just as skin met skin, Cullen whispered, “We don’t have to do this. No one’s making us. If you’re not certain—”

“I’m certain about you,” Dorian met his gaze, “I’m only uncertain about letting myself do this. I’ve fucked this up before, I don’t want to fuck it up with you.”

Cullen let out a pained sigh, gently taking Dorian's face in his hands and kissing him. How could something so soft be so intense all at once? Dorian dug his fingers into the fur mantle of Cullen’s armor, walking them backward toward the bed. With each step, a new article of clothing fell away, until they finally fell onto the bed in only their trousers. Cullen’s attention turned to the mage’s neck, Dorian biting his lip at the sensation.

Cullen’s kisses moved up and down and back up slowly and methodically, making Dorian arch off the bed ever so slightly with each touch, subtle noises escaping his lips. Cullen wrapped his tongue around the shell of Dorian’s ear, breathing heavy but quiet, “I can’t begin to tell you how you make me feel. I adore everything about you. I admire your confidence and how unabashedly ‘you’ you are. I can hardly stand to be away from you the more I get to know you.”

Dorian was nearly breathless as Cullen kissed his way down the mage’s chest. It wasn’t until those callused fingers started to loosen his laces that he felt he couldn’t breathe at all.

As Cullen made tantalizing work of Dorian’s last remaining garment, he whispered with raw emotion, “Nothing could change the way I feel about you, Dorian Rider.”

With that, Dorian sat up and grabbed Cullen’s hands to pause their work.

“Stop.”

Cullen’s head shot up to look Dorian in the eye, worry flooding his mind. “Are you ok?” he lifted himself to sit on the edge of the bed next to the mage, caressing his cheek with one hand, stroking his hair with the other.

“You don’t know me, Cullen. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Confusion washed over Cullen’s features, “I…I don’t understand. I want to know you. I feel like I do, but if I don’t, then I want—”

Dorian shook his head vigorously, “Cullen, you don’t get it! You wouldn’t want me if you knew me.”

Cullen’s eyes went stern, “Dorian, I just told you nothing could change my feelings for you. Nothing. I meant that.”

Dorian removed Cullen’s hand from his face, gently stroking the Commander’s knuckles with his thumb, “Please go, Cullen. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“You could never hurt—”

“Please,” Tears threatened the rims of his eyes as he tried to hold his ground. He wanted nothing more than Cullen’s body against his, but he knew Cullen would only be let down, falling for a fake man Dorian created.

Cullen took a moment to lean his head against Dorian’s, a wordless goodbye, before he rose and began throwing on his armor, scattered from the door to the foot of the bed. Dorian watched his hands as Cullen silently dressed, glancing back periodically to gauge the mage’s feelings.

As he opened the door to leave, Cullen’s weak voice called back, “You can tell me anything, Dorian. I meant that, too.”

“Not anything.”

The room turned cold when Cullen left, and the breeze from the door closing behind his one chance at love shook the tears from Dorian’s eyes, falling onto his shaking hands.

He could have been sitting there for hours—he wouldn’t know—just trying to…well, he wasn’t sure of that either. He felt so numb despite the tears he could feel on his cheeks. He couldn’t decide if he needed a drink, a good sob, or some self-pleasuring. None of them would make him feel better, but they would make him feel something.

He’s gone. Dorian kept repeating in his head. He’s gone, and I sent him away. He confessed his feelings to me, feelings I share, and I told him to go. I can never get him back, I sent him away…

__________

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but when the bells rang out, his eyes opened. They were dry and sore from crying; probably still red, too. Dorian reluctantly dragged his body out from under the fur blankets and sulked over to his mirror. Yes, definitely still red. He didn’t want to go out like that. He didn’t want to go out at all, for fear he might have to face his lost lover.

No, I didn’t lose him. Dorian stared himself down in the mirror, I pushed him away.

Dorian managed to make himself presentable, but he felt like a fraud in his own skin. He had settled into the identity of Dorian Rider, but somehow Cullen had undone all his hard work. Dorian was once again faced with himself, nothing to cover the shame he felt lying to a man who cared for him so deeply. And yet, he made no effort to tell Cullen the truth.

He would only be hurt that I lied to him, things are better this way. Interesting, the way Dorian continued attempting to convince himself he was in the right, when every part of him knew better.

Before he could psychoanalyze any further, Dorian pushed his chair back from the vanity and marched out the door, leaving his doubt at the threshold.

On the walk to the library, he felt like people were looking at him differently. They weren’t, when he looked closer, but nothing felt comfortable anymore. And things only became more uncomfortable when in the main hall Dorian’s eyes locked with golden ones on the other side of the room.

Cullen was entering the hall to the war room, papers tucked under his arm, when he glanced up, double taking before locking his gaze with Dorian’s. He wanted to run to the Commander, throw himself into the blond’s arms and apologize for everything. But melting on the other side of the hall would have to do. Cullen’s stare went soft as he saw the pain in Dorian’s eyes. They both knew the other was aching for their love, but both were too scared.

Cullen finally shook his head and looked down at his boots, disappearing into the ambassador’s office without a word.

Dorian tried to brush it off, tried to focus on his research, but to no avail. His mind was flooding with his mistakes. Though his eyes trekked the page in front of him, though his fingers turned the pages, he processed nothing. His mind was too full.

If there’s any perfect place to brood, it would be a library. Everyone passed Dorian without suspicion, assuming him to be lost in his work, all the while his crisis played out in silence. By the time the sun was setting, Dorian had read several works, but only had a page of notes. He tried to be productive, at least.

Now he had a choice to make: go back to his room and sleep his problems away, or go to the tavern and drink his problems away. Decisions, decisions.

Drowning his sorrows did sound tempting, but Dorian had pretended to be okay around enough people today. Besides, he didn’t need Bull to dive into his subconscious.

Dorian reached his quarters and, just as he prepared to shed his clothes and fall into a fitful sleep, a frantic knock rattled his door. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound. He waited a moment, but nothing more happened. Dorian slowly approached the door and unfastened the latch. Right as he did, the door flew open, nearly knocking him back.

Cullen charged into the room with a wrinkled piece of parchment strangled in his fist. He slammed the door behind him, and somehow quietly screamed, “What, by Andraste, is this?!”

He held up the letter just long enough for Dorian to see a familiar signature at the bottom of the page. “Halward Pavus.” Oh, Maker, no.

Dorian’s jaw dropped, eyes wide, hands turning clammy. He had no words, not that Cullen was interested in listening.

Cullen threw the note behind him, roughly grabbing Dorian’s shoulders and pushing him into the vanity behind them. Dorian tried to babble a “this isn’t what it looks like” before the backs of his thighs collided with the table and a pair of harsh, sweet, warm lips crashed against his.

Before he could return the kiss, or even close his eyes, Cullen pulled away and stared him down. “You really had me falling for you. Was that your plan? Get close to the Commander of the Inquisition so you could leach information from me to send back to your Venatori parents?!”

“No, Cullen, I would never—”

“You made me fall in love with you.”

That word took all Dorian’s breath. His previously pounding heart stopped. Tears welled up in his eyes as he realized what he had done, the pain he caused, the trust he’d broken. This is all he wanted to prevent.

“I-I’m so sorry, I never wanted this—”

“You aren’t even going to deny it?!” Cullen stood back from him, disgust in his eyes. That look alone could ruin Dorian.

“Cullen, please! I’m not Venatori! I tried to hide because I knew you’d think a Tevinter mage was Venatori, I knew you would think I was a spy, or a thief, or—”

“Lying only makes you look guiltier, Dorian! Bull told us exactly what he was going to do if he joined the Inquisition and we took him on his word because we were desperate. If you had told us, told me the truth—”

“Would you believe a mage walking through your gates saying, ‘Yes, I am a very powerful necromancer from Tevinter, but I swear I’m not Venatori’?”

Cullen’s face contorted again, backing up further, “You’re a necromancer?”

Dorian should have held his tongue. If he had stayed quiet, would they have given him a trial? But he supposed staying quiet is what led to this mess in the first place.

“Cullen I—please, give me a moment to explain! I never wanted you to get hurt, I didn’t mean to fool you into falling for me. I promise you, I never wanted any of this!”

Cullen’s voice dropped, “You didn’t mean for me to fall in love with you?”

Dorian’s shoulders relaxed, “No—well, yes. I—I hoped you were falling too because, Cullen, I lo—”

Cullen’s jaw clenched and he nearly gripped Dorian again, taking all the strength he had to hold back. “Don’t…say it.”

“But, Cullen, I really do—”

Cullen was on him in an instant, hands digging into his hair, lips locked in a heated kiss. Passion mixed with anger and confusion as the two men lost themselves in physical sensation.

Dorian gasped for air as the kiss finally broke, Cullen asking through panting breath, “Make me believe you. Prove you’re the same man I loved.”

Dorian searched the blond’s face for something that could help him, but he found only hurt and betrayal. “I…I can’t.” he didn’t know how he could fix this, he didn’t think he could.

Tears finally fell from Cullen’s eyes as he looked to the floor, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away, not wanting Dorian to see just how much he’d hurt him.

“Get out. Take your things, food, lyrium potions. I don’t care, take whatever you want, just…”

Dorian held his breath, devastated to hear what came next, “I don’t ever want to see your face again.”

He was crushed, he felt like his legs would give out from under him. But Dorian moved as he was told, gathering his things, tears staining each item he touched.

Cullen refused to look at him, keeping his back to Dorian as the mage packed all he could.

Dorian approached the door slowly, hoping Cullen would stop him to say something more, something that could bring Dorian hope for seeing each other again. But he got no such reply.

“Don’t let anyone see you leave. I’m going to tell them you vanished into the night before I could confront you. They won’t come looking for you. Neither will I.” Cullen’s glazed eyes rose to look into Dorian’s, puffy and bloodshot. “Goodbye, Dorian.”

His heart sank. He felt like he might vomit, if he had any strength. He felt so weak and lost.

“Goodbye, Cullen.”

With those final words, Dorian was gone. He did as Cullen told him, making sure no one witnessed him leave into the dark. With nowhere else to go, he headed toward Miss Ella’s farm. Dorian didn’t know how he would tell her, but he was done lying. He’d hurt the most important person to him already, nothing could be worse.

__________

Cullen stood in the empty room with his eyes closed, hands over his face, wiping away his tears so he could pretend he wasn’t hurt. After taking a moment to compose himself, Cullen began searching the room halfheartedly. He threw open drawers without really looking, making the place look ransacked in a rush. Once he’d scattered things in a believable way, he turned his attention to the lock on the door. He took the hilt of his sword and knocked the latch loose, making it look like he had broken in. That should be enough to convince his fellow advisors.

Cullen quickly returned to the war room where many members of the inner circle, along with the Inquisitor and his advisors, waited in anticipation for the Commander’s return. As the door swung open, all heads turned toward him, each with equally expectant and worried looks. Cullen’s face was blank, but his feeling of defeat was still obvious.

“Well?” Cassandra stepped forward, worry in her eyes but anger on her face, “Where is that Venatori bastard?”

Cullen sighed deeply, the rest of the room raising their brows in unison.

“Gone. I didn’t find him in the ‘Rest or his room.”

Cassandra scoffed, “Then we send a search party. Check all corners of Skyhold, then we—”

“We can send all the search parties you want, Lady Seeker, but there’s nothing left of him here. I broke into his quarters and looked for any information as to where he could be or what he hoped to gain by joining our ranks, but I found nothing. He either took everything important with him, or destroyed it.”

Everyone’s heads fell, shoulders slouching in defeat.

The Inquisitor looked to Cullen with sadness strewn across his features. “And to think, we had all become so close…and it meant nothing to him.”

Tears threatened Cullen’s eyes again as he remembered how desperately Dorian had clung to him, tied to convince him he was innocent. But innocent men don’t hide, innocent men don’t lie.

“I know. But that must have been what he wanted. For us all to get comfortable, slowly leaking him the information he needed.” He closed his eyes tightly, shaking and dropping his head, “I should have never let him join the inner circle. I’m sorry, Inquisitor.”

The Inquisitor looked back to his party, nodding toward the door. All but the advisors exited the war room, leaving the room silent and cold. Once the space was empty of onlookers, the Inquisitor shuffled over to Cullen with wet eyes. They looked at one another for a long moment before the Inquisitor wrapped his arms around Cullen’s waist. Cullen’s eyes widened in shock, looking down at the elf hanging onto him for dear life, before he gave in and squeezed the Dalish’s shoulders in return.

They stood like that for a moment, Leliana and Josephine watching on solemnly, wrapped in their own somber embrace. The elf pulled back but stayed close, saying in a quiet voice, “He was my friend, Cullen. Our friend,” he gestured to the women behind him, ���I know he was yours, too.”

Cullen felt his heart stop, then fall into the empty pit in his chest. “Yes,” he said gently, “the closest I’ve had since…in a while.”

The elf made certain the door closed quietly behind him as he left, Josephine following closely behind. Before Leliana made her move to leave as well, she handed Cullen a short stack of papers.

With a soft voice, she said, “I’m sure this isn’t the best time to tell you, but I started digging right after we intercepted the letter. I found the names of a few close friends and accomplices of the Pavus family. One of which has been heavily involved with the Venatori since before the term was coined, before they worshipped Corypheus.”

Cullen flipped through the pages, sloppily skimming the words on each one.

“Name?” Cullen asked, no nonsense.

“Gereon Alexius, a former mentor and family friend, from what I found. If Dorian had anything to do with the magicks Alexius had been developing…”

“I’ll go over it in the morning. Thank you, Leliana.” Cullen’s voice was flat and flavorless.

The spymaster sighed, placing a sympathetic hand on Cullen’s cheek, palm surprisingly warm. “I know what you felt for him. When I first joined the Hero of Ferelden on her journey…”

Cullen looked at her with understanding.

Leliana cleared her throat, never having gotten this personal with the Commander before. “Well, people have feelings that sometimes contradict with their goals. And they choose which to follow. Often, I think, they choose the wrong path.”

Cullen nodded, eyes squeezing shut with hurt.

“What I’m trying to say is this: I wonder if he didn’t lie to you about the way he felt, but knew it wouldn’t align with his plans.”

“I can’t have feelings for someone who supports the Venatori’s agenda. He fooled me, Leliana. I fell for a man that doesn’t exist.”

Leliana’s hand fell from his cheek. “Have you considered his personality may have been real?”

Cullen opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, his brow simply furrowed.

She gave a slight smile, “Please rest, Commander. The war can wait a night.”

__________

Cullen didn’t sleep that night, his dreams plagued by images of Dorian and echoes of their final goodbyes. He could still feel the mage’s thin fingers in his hair, the passion and meaning in each kiss they shared. Cullen would wake frequently throughout the night, sweating and conflicted, his emotions at war with reality.

It was futile after a while, and only served to drain his energy more each time he woke, so he stopped trying to rest, instead making his way down to his office to mull over Leliana’s research. The blond felt hopeless as he read, not recognizing any of the names of the influential families mentioned, despite them all being connected to someone he thought he knew.

As he skimmed the next few pages—mostly filled with descriptions of how money was passed amongst the families for favors, something Josephine could use later—Cullen’s eyes paused on a description of Dorian. The quote seemed to be a letter sent from a man called Felix, to Dorian’s father:

“Lord Pavus,

My father has been rather busy with his project, so he asked me to write you in his place. Dorian has been of exponential help with his academic knowledge, but also with his experience. My father truly appreciates you continuing to allow Dorian to remain with us. As promised, he is kept an eye on, allowed only to leave the grounds with the accompaniment of myself or a guard. Speaking personally, your son is a great man. He has been nothing but honest with us, and I consider him a friend. I am starting to suspect he does not know my father’s intent with their project, and I am beginning to worry he may cease work if he discovers its purpose. Know that, should that happen, I will not stop him. Our task was to keep him from trouble, and if he deems the project as such, I will trust his judgement. My father and I have different views on these types of magicks; Dorian seems to enjoy thinking about the hypothetical, but he agrees that these things are better left to imagination. While the project is important to my father—and of course to myself, if it can work to cure me—I feel a need to allow Dorian to do what is best for himself. These are my intentions, not my father’s. He has all intentions to hold up his end of your bargain. I have made no such promises to you. Be aware of that.

Yours Truly,

Felix Alexius

P.S. Dorian asks that you do not attempt to contact him directly. He has nothing to say to you.”

Cullen could deduce two things from the letter: Felix Alexius is Gereon Alexius’s son, and whatever they were working on was magic most people have an aversion to. Could it be blood magic? What would blood magic have to do with curing someone of an ailment? Even if this Felix was possessed, blood magic could only transfer the demon to another living being, not banish it. Blood magic is a demon’s domain.

As much as he tried to focus on what information he could draw about their “project”, Cullen couldn’t help but see how devoted Felix was to Dorian. While he claimed in the letter to consider Dorian a friend, could they have been more? Another detail about Tevinter Dorian had hidden.

“Nothing but honest?” Cullen thought aloud, “If only. Would have saved me a few headaches.”

Cullen drug a hand over his face, wiping away a tear he hadn’t noticed pooling in the corner of his eye. This was harder than he thought it would be, to consider his paramour could be capable of aiding the Venatori, or even worse, being one of them.

He took a moment to collect himself before dressing in his usual armor and setting off for the war room where he would wait for the morning to fully rise and his fellow advisors to arrive.

Entering the hall leading to the war room, Cullen was greeted by Josephine at her desk looking exhausted, mulling over paper work of her own. She looked up upon hearing the door creak open and gave him a weak smile.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked knowingly, fixing her frazzled hair.

Cullen nodded, “I see you couldn’t either. Manage to dig up anything else?”

Josephine sighed, bringing a tall stack of parchment up from the floor by her feet. “There are many noble families associated with the Venatori. Most are from Tevinter, of course, but there are a surprising handful from Antiva.”

Cullen plopped into the seat in front of Josephine’s desk, about to start sorting through the things she’d dug up, when the door creaked again, Leliana leaning her head in.

“I thought I heard you up, Josie. Commander.” She nodded to Cullen in greeting.

He nodded back, handing her his notes from the morning, “I found a letter in what you gave me, from a young man named Felix. It looks like he’s Alexius’s son, and he knows what they were working on. Something big, something dangerous, something even Dorian seemed hesitant about.”

“Blood magic?” Josephine asked, walking around her desk to peer over Leliana’s shoulder.

“That was my first thought, but the people of Tevinter have a long history with blood magic; I wouldn’t think a Tevinter would have any qualms about using it. No, this must be something people don’t play with.”

The women shook their heads in unison. “Corypheus is driving his followers to play with the laws of nature.” Leliana said under her breath.

“Possibly. We need to find Alexius before he completes his project, if he hasn’t already.”

The women nodded, Josephine rushing off to wake the Inquisitor.

As the door swung closed, Leliana turned to face the Commander, kneeling on the ground before him. “Are you feeling any better? I take it you didn’t sleep well.”

Cullen shook his head, leaning forward in defeat. “I understand you have eyes everywhere around Skyhold, but how is it you knew about me and Dorian, but didn’t know Dorian was pretending to be someone else?”

Leliana sighed, crossing her legs under her, “I don’t know. I feel like I failed us, I let such a huge threat pass through our defenses. He must have been extremely careful. It…it makes me wonder if he has other correspondents in our ranks.”

Cullen nearly choked on his bitter laugh, “One thing at a time, Leliana. If there were any other Tevinters in the Inquisition, they would have fled with Dorian. They’d know they had been found out. We can look into it after we find this mentor of Dorian’s and find out what that secret project is all about.”

It didn’t seem to make the spymaster any less nervous, picking at her fingernails and staring into her lap. Cullen sighed, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder, “You haven’t failed anyone. I’m the only fool here.”

Before she could reassure him, the door flew open again, the Inquisitor and Josephine holding yet more research. Cullen stood, bowing his head respectfully.

“What’s this about a secret project?” The elf asked, almost panting.

“I found a letter from Dorian’s mentor’s son describing a project using magicks none of them felt comfortable messing around with. We’ve ruled out blood magic; we think it could be something even more threatening.”

“Are we certain? Dorian seemed very against blood magic when we spoke about it. He almost looked sick talking about it.” The Inquisitor nearly snatched the letter from Cullen’s hand when offered.

“Even if those were his true feelings on the matter, blood magic is not a rarity in Tevinter, and even this mentor and his son seemed hesitant.” Cullen explained, pointing to his notes in the margins.

The elf sighed, sitting in Cullen’s now vacant seat. “This is bad. So bad.”

“Yes…” Cullen sat as well.

After a long silence where the room seemed as tired as the people in it, Josephine spoke up.

“Should we start work on a plan of attack?”

“I’ll see if I can hunt Alexius down. Maybe find his son, if I can’t find the man himself.” Leliana was already heading back to her nook to send out spies.

The Inquisitor absentmindedly nodded, approving but reluctant. “I’ll see who wants to come along to fight an insane Venatori with some mystical secret magic. Wish me luck.” He stood and shuffled toward the door.

“Cullen, form a small band of troops. Some of the more talented Templars, if you could. I have a feeling we’ll require their abilities.”

“Yes, Ser.” Cullen said bluntly, watching the Inquisitor as he exited.

Josephine and Cullen turned to one another. “I’ll see if anyone is willing to trade their honor for a bribe. I suppose we’ll regroup after we’ve all finished. Stay strong, Commander.”

“Thank you, Josephine. I will certainly do my best.” Cullen gave a respectful bow before leaving the ambassador to her work.

As he walked down the main hall, ready to turn left through Solas’s quarters toward his office, Cullen noticed the light breeze coming from a door to his right. He glanced over and saw the garden mostly empty before the door swung shut again. He could use to clear his head.

So he turned right instead, stepping out into the garden. Cullen breathed in and held it, letting the silence wash over him. He let the breath out and began slowly pacing the garden. He brushed his gloved fingertips across the leaves in the herb planters, watched on as a bird drank from the well, and stepped over the line of ants making their way to their hill. But when he reached the gazebo, he stopped.

Cullen looked on solemnly at the chess board, pieces still set as they were when he and Dorian had played, a few knocked over from wind. Cullen sat in his seat and stared across to where Dorian should have been. He’d looked so beautiful that day, the sun backlighting and outlining his face. He had still had a sheen of sweat from sparring, glistening off his toned arms and neck. Cullen heaved a long sigh before moving one of Dorian’s pieces forward.

“Check mate,” He whispered, “You got me, Dorian.”

After a moment Cullen stood, making his way into the small Chantry set up in one of the rooms off the garden. Andraste’s likeness watched him as he entered, false golden eyes seeming to follow him. Cullen gently lowered himself onto a knee, clasping his hands in front of his face before the shrine.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this properly.” He admitted.

Cullen proceeded to recite the Chant of Light and several prayers for the men and women he would be taking with him to battle. One for the Inquisitor, one for himself, one for his friends, and one for his family.

Before he stood, Cullen closed his eyes tightly. “He may not deserve it,” he said softly, quietly, “but Maker please, keep Dorian safe. I doubt more and more the decision I made sending him away. I should have let him say his piece. I didn’t know Dorian Pavus, but I knew my Dorian. There has to be something of the man I loved in there. It couldn’t have all been a lie. He cried for me, he told me he didn’t want to hurt me. I can’t bear the thought of it all having been manipulation. Please, wherever he is, keep him safe.”

__________

Cullen would have preferred it hadn’t taken as long as it did, but here they were two days later with plans sprawled out on the war table. Each advisor had done their work quickly but surely, getting as close to the truth as they could in such a short time frame. Cullen had his Templar volunteers and a solid fighting strategy, Leliana had her eye witnesses, and Josephine had her bribed sources.

As the Inquisitor wrapped up the meeting, all attendees on board with the plan, he asked, “Any final questions?” Hesitant to move forward with their search.

The room had a sad sort of silence, none of them sure they would return safely, or return at all. They had been lucky since Haven to avoid any true life or death battles, but they were all well aware this would be like no fight they had fought before.

With the lack of any remaining questions to help him stall, Lavellan turned to Cullen with soft eyes. “Are you ready, Commander?”

After a deep, deep breath, He nodded. They were all on their horses and off in an instant, Skyhold’s gates behind them reminding them there was no turning back.

Hours later, after following the directions Leliana’s spies could write out with any certainty, the party found themselves passing through Redcliffe Farms, past the stables and the druffalo, to a fork splitting the trotted path in two.

“This way, I think.” The Inquisitor said, checking the written description again.

“Are you sure?” Cullen chimed in quickly, riding up to align their horses so he could glance over the elf’s shoulder. “The only thing up the hill is the watchtower. A stream beyond that. I expect if the Venatori were holed up there, the stable master and his wife would have noticed. Certainly our guards in the tower would have seen them come and go.”

Lavellan chewed the inside of his lip as he became less convinced they weren’t out on a wild goose chance. “The reports just say ‘Venatori activity traced back to Redcliffe Farms. Suspected to be in Dead Ram Grove.”

Increasingly frustrated by the vague intel they had managed to scrounge up practically overnight, Cullen let out a scoff. “Dead Ram Grove is the start of the stream, where the water flows down from the mountains. The only thing there is water and sheep. Obviously Leliana’s helpers need their heads examined. It’s pointless to even look.”

As Cullen turned his horse around, ready to head back to the farm and ask around, the Templars all perked up in unison.

“Commander,” Barris pulled his horse to block Cullen’s path. “There is magic here. It’s faint, not like a mage is present, but a spell they left behind. Whether they remain here, or have since left the area, I still believe it’s worth investigating.”

Cullen looked over his shoulder for conformation, the Inquisitor already leading the group ahead. While he trusted Barris’s sense for magic, Cullen also felt dread, part of him hoping they wouldn’t find anything Venatori related. Or at least nothing that would confirm Dorian’s connection to them. But he followed dutifully, returning to his position right next to the Inquisitor.

As they passed the watch tower overlooking the farm, and led their horses to wade through the water as they followed upstream, Cullen’s heart raced. The Templars continued to sense lingering magic, perhaps even an active enchantment; a ward meant to hide things in plain sight.

“Dispell,” Cullen commanded, Barris and his soldiers taking deep swigs of lyrium. Cullen averted his eyes as they did.

Moving as one, the Templars gave two hardy hits each to their shields, and a shock wave erupted out from their group. It made no noise, but bounced off the walls of Dead Ram Grove like an echo. The party stayed silent in waiting.

Distant voices could be heard speaking Tavene.

Cullen and Lavellan whipped their heads around to look at each other with wide eyes. “Venatori!”

Hurried but quiet, the party leapt off their horses, loosely draping their reins over branches to keep the steeds in place. They followed the voices to a low cliff overlooking the grove. There was little foot traffic, with overgrown grass and weeds, dead trees leaning to make a morbid arch. As they inched closer, a small sconce lit on its own, causing the Inquisitor to jump.

He took a hesitant step forward, narrowing his eyes at the greenish blue flame. “Veil fire.” He whispered behind him. “That means mages.”

Part of Cullen’s heart sank. While he knew this would lead them to gaining an edge against Corypheus, a selfish part of him wanted them to find nothing, so he would never learn more about just how much Dorian had lied to him.

Entering the ruins of what must have been an old exit from the deep roads, massive stone pillars loomed, along with menacing statues of cloaked skeletons driving their swords into the ground. The group felt uneasy, each member fidgeting and glancing to every corner of the room. It was dark, but the light from outside showed them a staircase leading even further into the earth, and further into darkness.

Cullen blocked the Inquisitor from continuing, rather taking the lead himself to protect the elf from a possible ambush. Making their way forward only led them to darker and darker rooms, no torches in sight, only dim Veil fires that continued to flare up ominously as they approached each sconce.

Just as they entered the final room of the cave ruin, Cullen starting to think there may be nothing here after all, the room came to life, sconces bursting into multicolored flames, illuminating the space to reveal that they were surrounded.

“Inquisitor,” a dark figure in Tevinter robes grinned smugly from a ruined throne at the far end of the room. “Welcome.”

“Sheath your weapons,” the surrounding mages demanded, drawing ever closer with staves outstretched.

The party looked to Lavellan for instruction, and he nodded, returning his sword to his back. The group followed suit.

“We were beginning to wonder if you might realize how close we had drawn. Corypheus sends his regards.” The mage stood from his seat, tossing back his hood and crossing his arms behind him.

“Oh, we found you out quickly,” Lavellan snarled, “Your little spy wasn’t as stealthy as he thought. Maybe you should handle your correspondents’ communications more carefully.”

The Tevinter’s brow raised, looking surprised, but always taunting. “My ‘spy’?” he inquired with a lilted voice, “Do tell, Inquisitor.”

Cullen rolled his eyes. “No need to play coy, Alexius. We intercepted Magister Pavus’s attempts to contact his son, whom you so clumsily slipped into our ranks.” Cullen’s bitterness and blame had all lifted off of Dorian in that moment as he directed his hurt onto Alexius, the man responsible for all this heartbreak in the first place, as far as Cullen was concerned.

“Magister Pavus’s son?” Alexius’s grin dropped, “You speak of Dorian, Commander?”

Cullen flinched at the mention of the mage’s name.

Alexius looked to the throne behind him, tracing a finger along the arm. “My poor Dorian; if only he could have seen the good he could achieve. Not only for Tevinter, for the world.”

Cullen was in shock at what he was hearing. If Alexius hadn’t sent Dorian to the Inquisition, then who did? Could all that Dorian said, that fateful night on which he was banished from Cullen’s sight, be true after all? From where he stood, all Cullen could see was a backlit outline, but the mage before them began to make an obvious, sinister movement toward his pocket.

“What Dorian never realized, what I tried to teach him through our research, is that Thedas…Thedas needs direction,” his voice was low as he turned, eyes glistening with intent, knowing he had won.

“Thedas needs control.”

Blue light began sparking in the mage’s palm, lighting his crazed expression from below, broken sounds of laughter escaping his lips as he raised his hand higher.

The Inquisitor and Cullen watched on with masked fear as a small talisman on a leather cord began to rise on its own from the palm of Alexius’s hand, crackling in an unstable, uncontrolled manner. Just as dread and the weight of their own mortality began washing over the party, a voice called out from a shadowy corner:

“No! I won’t let you do this.”

The blue cast vanished at once, the talisman dropping from its ominous floating and back into the mage’s hand. Alexius whipped his neck around, eyes worried and shocked at once, obviously recognizing the voice. The young man had dark, tired eyes as he revealed himself from the dark. His skin lacked color, and his hair was thin. He looked as if he had lived a man’s full life in only a few years, and he was exhausted.

“Felix!” Alexius ran to the young man’s side. “My son, you should be resting, you’re too weak; you look so pale!”

Cullen’s shoulders relaxed as he heard the familiar name. “Felix?” he said quietly, then directing his question to the man himself, “You were friends with Dorian, weren’t you?”

Felix pushed past his father, standing before the party with confidence. “I am. I know him well, and I know he would never have helped with your project if he knew what you planned to use it for.” He turned to face Alexius, pointing an accusing finger. “You lied to him! You lied to me! You said this was for my health, that you thought this could save me! You betrayed his trust, my trust!”

His eyes went somber as he quietly asked, “What would mother think?”

That sent Alexius into a rage, shouting furiously, “This could bring her back! Both of you would be safe, healthy, happy! I did this all for you both!”

Tears began to well in his eyes as Felix retorted, voice meek and sad, “No. She would have never wanted this.”

Alexius became irate, nostrils flaring and fists clenching, “How dare you!!” he screamed. “You have the opportunity to have your mother back, to have never lost her at all, and you tell me she would never want this? You stand before me, your own father, who has loved and raised you single handedly since she passed, telling me this isn’t all for you?!”

“Raised me? Single handedly?! What about all the days, even weeks, I went without seeing you because you were too hung up on your project? Too lost in the past to spend time with your own son? After my mother died in front of my eyes!”

Alexius’s hands began to burn with fire, the talisman feeding off of his rage and sparking once again. “You would be in the grave with her if it weren’t for me! All that research, just to keep you alive for all these years! You would have died within days of her if it weren’t for all my time spent in that damned laboratory, slaving over revolutionary medicines I now learn you weren’t even grateful for!”

“I wish I had died with her!” Felix’s cry echoed through the stone of the ruin walls. “I’ve been suffering for years! I feel the Blight eating away at me from the inside every moment I continue to breathe! You have no idea the pain you’ve put me through!”

The room fell silent, Alexius thinking on his son’s hurtful words.

“Well,” he said after a long while, voice raspy with emotion, “If my magic can’t serve to help you,” he clenched the talisman with ferocity, “It will serve Corypheus just fine!”

The room lit with blue lightening, the talisman flying into the center of the space and igniting with quick bursts of magical energy, barely controlled. Alexius howled with mad laughter, arms outstretched to feed the talisman with all his mana, fueling the chaotic reaction.

“Father, No!” Felix screamed, throwing himself at Alexius, tackling him to the ground.

While the Venatori were distracted, all watching in awe at the display of power destabilizing in the center of the room, the Inquisitor sprinted forward, drawing his sword and charging to take Alexius out for good. But, from the corner of his eye as he wrestled with his own son, Alexius spotted the elf’s attack. He managed to get a hand free from Felix, commanding the talisman to explode with a magical fury of light spiritual wisps, imploding inward on itself, sucking the Inquisitor in as he screamed in agony, his every essence torn across time and space. Cullen and the Templars watched on in abject horror, Lavellan’s blood curdling cries echoing in their minds.

Though the Inquisitor was gone, his blade continued his momentum, flying across the room and driving directly into Alexius’s shoulder, causing him to tumble off Felix and crash onto the stone floor.

“Venatori! Attack the Inquisitor’s reinforcements!!” Alexius hollered as he stumbled off to his escape.

“Retreat!” Cullen commanded, tailing Barris and the rest of the Templars as they fled, defending them against attacks from behind as they fought through the Venatori hoard before them.

Once there was a hole in the opposition’s defense, Cullen called out, “To the watchtower! Tell them to fire on the river! Shoot anything that moves!”

The Commander fought off those trying to prevent their escape, helping his team push to the ruin entrance. When they reached the threshold, each member jumped back onto their horses, galloping off to the watchtower and the camp just beyond Redcliffe Farms for backup.

“Open fire! Venatori!” Barris yelled to the watchtower guards. A shower of arrows came down almost instantly, flying just behind their horses, taking out many of the Venatori swordsmen. But the mages hadn’t left the mouth of the ruin, and Cullen was right there waiting for them. Dodging the hail of arrows and trying not to fall off the short cliff, Cullen fought back as many of the mages as he could while he waited for backup from the camp. Barris came riding back in just in time to save Cullen’s back from an attack he didn’t see coming.

As their numbers dwindled, it became easier for the Templars to dispel almost all the defensive magicks the Venatori were using, causing the remaining few mages to panic and retreat back into the ruin, following Alexius’s escape route.

Exhausted, but still on edge, Cullen and Barris’s Templars made their way back to the farm to regroup and process what had just happened. What had happened to the Inquisitor?

As they rounded the corner to check on the guards at the watchtower, Cullen heard footsteps running up behind them.

“There’s a straggler!” He called out, pulling out his sword and shield again, ready to strike.

“No, don’t shoot! I want to help you!”

Cullen stayed poised as he watched the man come into view. It was Felix, panting and running toward them, unarmed.

“What did you do with the Inquisitor?!” Cullen inched closer to Felix, still not convinced he could let his guard down.

Felix stopped several feet away, leaving enough room so Cullen felt unthreatened. He raised his hands above his head to show he meant no harm. “He’s not dead, I can promise that much, but I don’t know where he is.” His hands lowered as he scratched his chin in contemplation. “Well, that’s not quite what I mean. I know where he is; he’s here.”

Cullen’s sword and shield lowered and he looked at Felix with confusion.

“What I should say is: I don’t know when he is.”

Frustrated, Cullen ground his teeth, “Enough being cryptic! Just tell us where Alexius took him!”

Felix shook his head. “This is going to take a lot of explaining, and it will sound outlandish, but you have to believe me. I was there when my father and Dorian developed this, I know how it—”

“Spit it out!” Barris barked, now standing next to Cullen, also ready to fight.

Felix sighed, “He sent the Inquisitor through time.”

The Templars looked around at each other, none having heard of such magic before.

“Don’t lie to us, boy! We have you surrounded.” Barris raised his shield in preparation before his arm was pushed down.

“He isn’t,” Cullen held Barris back, then sheathing his own weapon and shield. “When we first suspected Dorian was Tevinter, Leliana found the letter we all read in the mission briefing. The letter was written by Felix, and he said the magic they were experimenting with was magic no one had ever considered manipulating before. Because it’s dangerous; one doesn’t just mess with the laws of nature.”

“You saw my letter? To Dorian’s father? So that’s how you knew of me, and that I know Dorian.” Felix approached slowly as he connected the dots. “So you must see now: Dorian knew he was developing a way to manipulate time, but he thought it was for me. He ran away, here to Ferelden, the moment my father started to speak of joining the Venatori. And he would never have helped in the first place if it wasn’t a matter of life and death.”

Cullen looked Felix up and down, taking in his thin frame, eaten away at by something inside of him. “You said in there that you’re sick. Is it really the Blight? I’ve never seen anyone survive past a day, let alone a year.”

Felix nodded sadly, eyes going even darker, “Yes. While my father is no healer, he is an excellent alchemist, and created many medicines to try and help me while he worked on a more permanent solution to curing me. That’s when he…recruited Dorian to help. It was more like blackmail, but Dorian just wanted to help me.” He looked down at his hands, wringing them nervously. “He was like a brother to me. He never knew this would happen.”

Barris lowered his weapons completely, but would not sheath them. “Then…did you send Dorian to the Inquisition?”

Felix’s eyes went wide, “No, I never even knew he joined. I haven’t been able to contact him for months. It was too risky, I couldn’t have my father knowing I planned to stop him. Dorian always said he would be by my side on that day, But after we lost touch…”

Cullen felt his shoulders relax; Dorian wasn’t Venatori! What a relief. But he felt no relief, as just as the revelation swept over him, another realization came to tighten his chest. He drove Dorian away for nothing. He broke the mage’s heart, and his own, based on assumptions.

“I never let him say his piece…” Cullen thought aloud.

“What?” Barris turned to him, finally putting his weapons away. “You spoke to Dorian? When?”

Cullen wiped a hand over his face before glancing over to Felix. “It looks like the two of us have a lot of explaining to do.”

__________

As they rode their horses back to Skyhold, Barris in the lead and Cullen protecting the rear of the group, Felix tapped Cullen’s shoulder from behind.

“Cullen, is it? Could I ask you something?” Felix said as he shifted uncomfortably on the back of Cullen’s saddle.

“You’ll call me Commander until we know we can trust you.”

“I didn’t mean any disrespect, Commander, I assure you.”

Cullen had to stop himself from groaning. He would have liked to say he was angry, but the only thing jumping around in his mind was confusion. The only thing he was angry about was his decision. And frankly, he was tired of thinking about it. He was only making himself feel worse.

“Just ask your question.”

Felix nodded and asked, “I hadn’t heard from Dorian after his initial letter telling me he had arrived in Ferelden. I’m missing a lot of time between then and now. Could you tell me what happened that led to you believing Dorian was Venatori?”

Cullen heaved a deep sigh, “It’s not a short list of events, I’ll warn you.”

Felix chuckled, “We’ve nothing but time at the moment.”

“I suppose,” Cullen half-heartedly agreed.

When he finished catching Felix up to speed, the young man was silent for a long while, mulling over the details.

“It sounds like Dorian trusted you.” He prodded.

Cullen dropped his gaze to the reins in his tightly fisted hands. “I know I trusted him. I thought he had betrayed my trust when we intercepted his father’s letter, but I…” He squeezed his eyes closed, “I said things I wish I hadn’t. Things I didn’t mean. I know now that I betrayed him, just because I wouldn’t listen.”

“I still can’t believe you spoke to him before he vanished.” Barris chimed in from the front of the formation. “You lied to the entire Inquisition! Even your friends. That’s me I’m talking about, by the way. You lied to me.”

“I know.” Cullen sighed, “I’m sorry. I just…wanted to make sure he was safe. I didn’t know what the Inquisitor would do to him. But I guess it couldn’t have been much worse than what I did…” Cullen’s voice fell off as he remembered all the things he said.

I don’t ever want to see your face again…

Entering Skyhold’s gate led them directly into a crowd of people wanting to congratulate the Inquisitor on defeating the hidden Venatori forces. But when Cullen passed under the arch and into the courtyard with the Inquisitor’s empty horse led behind him, all the chattering stopped.

“Where is Lavellen?” Cassandra asked with worry. And as Cullen’s horse turned to reveal the second passenger, “And who is that?” She growled.

Cullen lowered himself off the horse, pointedly not offering Felix any help to get down, which he did ungracefully.

As he handed the reins off to a stable hand, Cullen told the Seeker, “Call a war meeting.”

__________

“You WHAT?” The ladies exclaimed in unison.

Cullen drug a hand over his face, leaning on the war table and sighing before he said, “I know it was stupid of me, but Dorian isn’t Venatori, so there’s no danger in him being out there on his own.”

“But you didn’t know that when you sent him away!” Josephine shouted, as much as the mild-mannered woman could.

“Look,” Cullen closed his eyes tightly, pinching the space between his brows, “I lied. I lied to all of you and put you in danger because I let myself get too close. I considered Dorian a friend. I didn’t want him to be in danger in the hands of the Inquisition. I’m sorry. I know I was reckless, and I’m sorry.”

The room fell quiet as the women looked to one another, silently acknowledging Cullen’s apology.

Cullen continued after recognizing the soft looks in their eyes. “But what we need to do now is find him. He’s the only one who might know how to get Lavellen back.”

“Dorian can reverse engineer a spell better than anyone I’ve ever met,” Felix added, “He’ll be able to undo this. I’m certain.”

“Well, mister ‘best friend’,” Leliana turned to Felix, annoyed that he had cut in, “Where do you propose we start our search?”

Felix took a second to think. “In his initial letter, to tell me he had arrived, Dorian mentioned he was staying with an older woman in the Hinterlands. He simply called her ‘Miss Ella’. She has a small farm, he said. I haven’t heard from him since then, so that would be my only guess.”

Cullen nodded, “Even if he’s not staying with her, he might be hiding out nearby. Runaways tend to return to places they know first.”

“I trust your ability to hunt down a mage, Commander.” Cassandra said, too dry to tell if she was joking.

But before the hunt could begin, all of Skyhold needed rest and time to absorb the news of the Inquisitor’s disappearance. No rest came to Cullen, however; as if he expected it to. His mind and heart were racing. What if they couldn’t find Dorian? Who would be able to bring back the Inquisitor?

And what if they did find Dorian? Would he forgive Cullen for what he had said? Would he attack or flee?

Worst of all: what if they found his body? Just another casualty of the war between the Templars and mages. Another victim to Corypheus’s forces.

Cullen squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head to clear the image from his mind. He couldn’t bear the thought that his final words to Dorian would be his banishment, never able to redeem himself. Never able to beg for Dorian’s forgiveness.

With his eyes still closed, Cullen heard footsteps drawing casually closer, not trying to sneak, but also cautious.

“Can’t sleep either?” the voice was still slightly distant, not wanting to get too close. Cullen opened his eyes to see Felix, immediately skeptical as to why he was being allowed to walk the castle on his own.

Felix read his expression and chuckled. “Your spymaster has someone tailing me. The Lady Seeker isn’t far behind either. You don’t have to worry, I’m not here to assassinate you or something.”

“Who knows, I might welcome it at this point,” Cullen said under his breath.

Felix’s brow pushed together, “What happened between you and Dorian?”

After a long moment of staring through Felix, the Commander dropped his gaze to his folded fingers leaning on the battlements. “He was incredible to watch. So skilled with magic and combat; it was mesmerizing.” Cullen lifted his head to look up at the stars above. “And intelligent, as well. I enjoyed talking with him about the books he was reading, and the documents I was trudging through. He never looked away while I spoke.”

Felix gave a soft smile, looking to the heavens himself. “I know exactly what you mean. Dorian loves to talk about his research and learn what others have been studying. It made him a great student, one of the reasons he caught my father’s attention as a sponsor.”

A silence fell between the men as they both remembered their friend fondly. Cullen quietly asked, “Can you tell me about the Dorian you knew?”

Felix cocked his head curiously.

“I’d like to know if any of him was the real him.”

A sympathetic smile warmed Felix’s expression. “You described Dorian pretty perfectly just then. Always willing to debate—or argue, whichever he would get the most satisfaction from—and always showing off. He pretends to be self-centered, but he’s the most caring man I’ve ever met. And while I’m not interested in men myself, I don’t think there’s a person in all of Thedas who can deny Dorian’s charm.” Felix chuckled once, “Always the flirt, that one.”

Cullen’s heart dropped. “So he flirted with everyone?” He asked in a whisper, not really meaning it as a question. But Felix still answered.

“He did, but there were always different kinds. It took me long to learn each of them.” Feeling more comfortable with their relations, Felix approached the battlements himself and leaned his hip on the stonework, crossing his arms and looking out over the mountains. “There are four types, so far as I could tell: for showmanship, for de-escalation, for banter, and for real. The showmanship is self-explanatory, Tevinter is built around relationships and marriages. Dorian had to faine interest in his women suitors to keep up appearances. De-escalation, just flirting to calm an argument. Telling people what they want to hear, you know. And of course a little flattery back and forth between friends was his favorite.”

“How could you tell if he ever meant it?” Cullen asked, hopeful.

Felix ran a hand over his hair as he thought. “Dorian is a very honest man, most of what he says he always means, even if he doesn’t say it directly. He might think a noble woman is quite pretty, for example, and rather than tell her flatly, he will go out of his way to make her smile by flirting. ‘By the Black Divine, my lady, have you any common blood to Andraste herself? You have striking eyes, just like hers! And those cheekbones, they could surely cut marble!’ He likes to make people smile.”

“And he’s very good at it,” Cullen couldn’t help the fond grin that spread his lips.

“That he is.” Felix agreed, finding himself with a smile of his own as he reminisced.

__________

Cullen stood silent with his head down, fist poised to knock against the solid wood door before him. He hadn’t had to do something like this since Kirkwall; sharing the tragic news of a Templar’s death with their family. Somehow, this felt similar, having to tell someone Dorian clearly cared about, that he wasn’t who he said. But at least he didn’t have to tell her Dorian was a Venatori spy.

He took a final deep breath before giving a hardy knock. It took only seconds for Miss Ella to answer, like she had been waiting by the door. The door swung open with an audible whoosh, to reveal an older woman with joy in her cheeks, giving way to pleasant confusion when he looked Cullen up and down.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was expecting someone else. Is there something I can do for you, dear?” A sweet smile wrinkled the skin around her eyes.

Cullen couldn’t help but give a small smile back before clearing his throat and beginning to explain, “Commander Cullen, at your service, ma’am. We are looking for a troop previously employed in our…”

Cullen’s eyes squeezed tightly shut and he sighed, “Dorian. He stayed with you for a while, didn’t he?” He dropped his voice to a whisper so the others couldn’t hear his informality.

Miss Ella reared back a little, bringing the door closer to her so she could close it at any time. “I...oh, I rent my spare room to travelers, I suppose a ‘Dorian’ could have passed through--”

“Ma’am, please. You’re not in any trouble. Neither of you are, we just…” He couldn’t look the sweet woman in the eyes as he said, “I made a mistake. It came to our attention that he had been lying about his past, and I handled it very poorly. If he’s been back here...please, we need his help.”

Miss Ella still didn’t seem convinced, opening her lips to give a vague excuse. Cullen decided to show a little urgency.

“Ma’am, the Inquisitor is missing. Kidnapped, or otherwise incapacitated by the Venatori.”

Miss Ella gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. “Did...did he do it?”

“No, while Dorian is from Tevinter, as we found out, he has nothing to do with the Venatori. But he knows about their magic, and we need him to help us get the Inquisitor back.”

She took a moment to process before stepping aside in the doorway and beckoning them all to enter. Cullen, Felix, and Cassandra crammed into the small farmhouse, while Barris and his templars waited outside. Only Felix accepted an offer of tea.

“He did come back, but he didn’t come inside,” Miss Ella recalled as he stirred honey into Felix’s tea. “He made it nearly to the welcome mat, but no further, and said he was sorry. That he couldn’t stay because I wouldn’t be safe, and it was better if he kept the truth to himself, because he didn’t want to involve me. I figured he must have people after him, so I was expecting a visit, but not from the Inquisition.”

Tempted to sit, but ignoring the urge to slump into any nearby furniture, Cullen rubbed at the back of his neck, “Yes, well, while I’m not at liberty to say much, I made a rather large mistake that--”

“To which are you referring?” Cassandra asked with her arms crossed, scowl doned.

Cullen glowered back and continued, “...that put us all in danger. Dorian included.”

Cassandra let her arms drop, brow softening as she recognized Cullen’s regret.

“Well, as I said, he didn’t stay here long. He headed in the direction of Redcliffe, not taking the roads but going through the woods.”

They stayed long enough for Felix to finish his tea, then they were on their way north to Redcliffe, taking as odd a way they could in hopes of coming across Dorian’s trail.

After nearly an hour of trudging, one of Barris’s templars stopped.

“I smell viel fire.”

Cassandra looked at Cullen with a quirked brow. “Are you certain? How can you tell it isn’t just fire?”

Barris nodded, “I smell it too. It’s like fire but without the smoke, just the heat.”

“Any wards?” Cullen asked.

“None. It shouldn’t be hard to find him if we follow our noses.”

Cullen nodded, letting Barris lead the charge. Soon after, the group came across a very small clearing, staying in the trees to keep cover.

There in the center of the brush, surrounded by wildflowers, sat Dorian, playing with the green flames before him, deep in thought.

Cullen stared longingly, wishing he could just run out and hug the mage, hold him and never let go.

“I’ll go. You all wait here.” Cullen began pushing branches aside.

“You don’t think he’ll give you any trouble?” Barris held him back.

“No, but he will panic if he sees a group of templars coming out of the bushes at him.”

Cullen took a deep breath for courage and stepped out into the sun.

It only took a few steps before Dorian shot out of his seat and grabbed his staff, summoning a ball of fire in his hand. Cullen put his hands up, away from his sword and shield. Slowly, Dorian recognized the blond hair, honey eyes, and marble skin. His guard lowered along with his staff, but only slightly.

“C...Cullen?”

Cullen let out a sigh of relief, lowering his hands and taking a step forward.

“Stop!” Dorian yelled, “This is some kind of trick isn’t it? So what type of demon are you, hm? Rage? Envy? Desire?”

Cullen’s eyes went wide before his brow furrowed with worry, “No, Dorian it’s...it’s me. It’s Cullen.”

Dorian scoffed, “No, that’s not possible. He told me he never…” he swallowed hard. “never wanted to see me again.”

Cullen flinched at his words, seeing how much they had hurt. “I didn’t mean any of it, I swear. I was just scared, I didn’t think before I spoke, and I hurt you. I’m...Dorian, I’m so sorry.”

Cullen watched as emotions came and went in rapid succession across Dorian’s face.

“Make me believe you.” The mage whispered. “Prove you're the same man I loved.”

Those words. They struck him like a knife in the chest, tearing his heart out. Those were his words.

“I can’t…” Cullen whispered back.

Dorian’s staff fell abruptly into the grass, the fire in his hand disappearing into embers as he ran to Cullen. He wrapped his arms around the blond’s shoulders, Cullen returning the embrace just as tightly.

They pulled back, only to bring the other closer into a crashing kiss, tears spilling over onto both men’s cheeks.

“Dorian,” Cullen choked, “I’m so sorry, I said so many things I didn’t mean. I should have listened to you. Maker, I’m so--”

Dorian put a finger to the blond’s lips, then brought his to meet them. “I love you.”

Cullen’s eyes only watered more as he leaned their foreheads together and said, with all his heart. “I love you too.”

They both heard the trees opening from behind them, glancing that way to see Cassandra and Barris with his band of templars.

And Felix.

Dorian’s face lit up as he ran to meet his friend. “Felix!”

Their chests collided as each man wrapped an arm over the shoulder and around the waist of the other.

While the two were updating one another on what had happened between seeing each other last, Cassandra approached Cullen with an annoyed huff.

"So that's why you let him go." She crossed her arms.

Cullen sighed, turning to face her. "Yes," he stated, "because I didn't want him thrown in our prisons, because I didn't want him questioned for hours without rest. Because I love him. Is that what you want me to say?"

The corner of the Seeker's lips turned up on one side, barely a smile at all. She placed her hand on Cullen’s shoulder. "Yes. And I'm glad you do."

It took him off guard, but Cullen was grateful for Cassandra's understanding. He knew she read those romance novels--Varric made sure to boast about it to everyone in Skyhold--but he never expected Cassandra of all people to be forgiving.

Suddenly her face went stern. Pulling her hand away and pointing a finger, she whispered through clenched teeth, "Don't tell anyone I said that. As far as Josephine and Leliana need to know, I'm still angry with you."

Cullen tried not to grin as he nodded.

He turned back to Dorian and Felix who laughed together as Dorian placed a kiss to Felix's cheek. Cullen smiled as he watched them reconnect, a warmth filling his chest.

"I hate to interrupt a reunion," Barris cut in, "but we have grave news about the Inquisitor."

"The Inquisitor?" Dorian looked to Felix, "Your father. He didn't…"

Felix cringed as he nodded, head dropping, eyes closed tightly.

Dorian slumped, arm falling off Felix's shoulders. Cullen came behind him to place a comforting hand on his back.

"He's not dead, is he?" Dorian asked with a heaviness in his breath.

"We...we don't know." Cullen brought Dorian in by the waist, hugging him from the side. "Alexius used an amulet to...send him through time, was it?" He looked over to Felix to make sure he had gotten it right.

"So he finished it." Dorian's eyes widened with fear.

"No!" Felix put himself between Cullen and the mage, "He could never perfect it after you left. Something went wrong when he cast the spell; it wasn't like when you did it."

"You've traveled through time?" Cullen pushed Felix aside to ask Dorian.

Dorian grinned, "What? Never been with a man who invented time travel? Oh, no, of course not, how silly. Because I invented it."

"Dorian." Cullen said sternly, looking for a straight answer.

"No, I didn't go through time. Alexius and I sent an apple core a week forward in time and it came back rotten." As he gave the explanation, a wave of realization washed over Dorian, "But what's when the spell didn't work!" He grabbed Cullen but the hands with excitement. "The plan was to wipe the apple from existence, and only those who cast the spell would remember there ever having been an apple there. The fact that you all remember the Inquisitor proves the spell failed!"

"But how do we know where--when he is?" Barris asked, trying to keep up.

Dorian let go of Cullen's hands to twirl his mustache in thought. "Ah! Have you any paper, my love?"

Cullen grabbed some parchment and charcoal from one of the templars' satchels.

Dorian took the supplies eagerly, kneeling down to use his seat as a writing surface. "Look here," Dorian pulled Cullen in close as he drew a diagram, "We don't know when the Inquisitor is in time, yes? But we do know where. He'll be exactly where he was transported from."

Cullen nodded, following so far.

"So we need to go back to where and, somehow, enter the fade because--"

"Because time doesn't exist in the fade." Cullen cut in, "You can feel for his spirit and pull it back through the veil from the other side of time!"

Dorian smiled, excited that Cullen understood, "Well, I can't. While I studied the dead, I don't have any control over the spirits I use to possess the bodies. But I know someone who does."

"Solas." Cullen, Barris, and Cassandra said together.

__________

Back at Skyhold, they explained the plan to Solas, Cullen's fellow advisors still suspiciously eyeing Dorian.

"I'm impressed with your knowledge of the fade, Dorian. Yet you've never entered it, is that right?" Solas sipped at his coffee.

"I still have my sanity, that should be a dead give away."

Solas grinned, "Indeed. And yet you understand its properties well. And this plan of yours is nearly fool proof."

"Nearly?" Cullen leaned in, "We need better than nearly. We need the Inquisitor back."

Solas held up a hand to calm him, "Nearly is the best place to start. I can help you, but the Inquisitor's spirit isn't the only thing on the other side of time. We need to find his body. Both were transported, were they not?"

Dorian nodded, "Yes, that's where I'm uncertain. Can he enter the fade without performing the ritual himself?"

"Do you know the Arl of Redcliffe, Commander?" Solas asked, hands behind his back as he rounded the desk.

"You're talking about the incident with Conor and Bann Tegan. I've heard the story." He watched Solas with suspicious curiosity.

"I am. There is a way to perform the ritual on another, without entering the fade yourself…"

Cullen's eyes went wide, "No! No one is doing any blood magic!"

"Blood magic?" Dorian looked to Solas with anger. "You're suggesting I perform a blood ritual on the Inquisitor? Nonsense!"

Solas shrugged, "That is the only way I know of to return both the Inquisitor's soul and body as one."

Dorian scratched his chin as he tried to think of another way. "If I had the amulet here…"

Felix perked up, "What if I could get it from my father?"

The room looked over to Felix.

"What? Is it safe after what you did to help us?" Cullen asked.

Felix shook his head, "My father may not be in his right mind, but he's always been a father first. If I need him, he will be there with open arms."

Dorian slowly walked to Felix. "You'd steal from your own father for us?"

Felix smiled, "I would steal sweets from his personal stash for you all the time."

Dorian smiled and gave him a hardy thump on the shoulder. "Then we need to head back to Dead Ram Grove."

The day had been long and exhausting, and while time was of the essence, they all needed rest.

But Cullen couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned in an attempt to find a comfortable spot, but to no avail. Finally, he decided it wasn't worth fighting and went for a walk to think.

He walked the battlements until he was sick of looking at stone walls. When he got back to his office, no more ready to sleep than before, he thought of Dorian, how he had so much more he wanted to say, and so many more apologies to make.

Heading across the bridge to the library, Cullen tried to be as quiet as possible opening the door to Solas's floor. The door creaked ever so slightly, and Cullen heard a calming voice say, "Dorian is downstairs."

He looked up to see Solas painting a mural of the fade on the atrium wall.

"Oh I was just…" Cullen started, but Solas gave him a knowing look. "Thank you." He said gently as he headed for the main hall's staircase to the basement.

Once down there, he saw a soft red light emitting from a door across the hall, where a small private office was. He smiled as he heard Dorian quietly talking to himself.

Cullen pushed the door open silently, seeing Dorian's back facing him. He snuck up and wrapped his arms around the mage’s waist. Dorian gasped before realizing who it was, then leaning his head back and humming in contentment.

"Couldn't sleep either?" Cullen asked in a breathy whisper.

Dorian sighed, "I have to know what I'm doing when I reverse the amulet's magic, if Felix can get it off his father. If we can find his father. Hopefully they've stayed put."

Cullen hummed, acknowledging Dorian's concerns. "I wish we had more time, then you could perfect this."

Dorian turned in Cullen's arms and wrapped his around the Commander's neck.

"I wish we had more time, too." He looked deeply into Cullen's eyes, leaving the silence between them.

Cullen quickly caught on, walking Dorian into the desk, lifting him by the thighs to sit atop it. "We have a couple of hours, at least."

Dorian smiled, bringing Cullen in for a light kiss. It quickly became something more, with hot hands finding fasteners on the other's armor and unfastening them. Their kiss turned deep and passionate and nearly frantic as the men wasted little precious time.

Dorian leaned back and pulled Cullen over him, holding him close as he whispered between kisses, "I never stopped loving you. I couldn't make myself stop after you told me to go. You had me."

Cullen kissed down Dorian's neck as he whispered back, "I thought it was just me. And I need you to know I only sent you away because I was scared. I didn't know what the Inquisition would do to you. I was only upset you'd lied to me."

"But you know why I had to." Dorian held Cullen by the cheeks to get his attention. "Would you have wanted me if I had told you I was a Tevinter necromancer."

Cullen pulled the mage’s hand back and kissed his palm, "I want you now, don't I?"

Dorian's words were thick with need as he whispered, "Do you?"

"More than anything."

And the love they made in the night, in a private tucked away space, far from the eyes and ears of Skyhold, was more than either man had felt in many years. Possibly all their lives.

__________

Cullen smiled as he rode alongside Dorian's horse, listening to him and Felix reminisce. They had a long history, from what Cullen gathered, and cared for each other like brothers. It felt good to see Dorian as his true self, and not a bundle of half truths peeking out from behind an alias.

The group was much larger this time, with closer to fifteen templars, including Barris, along with the addition of Solas and a handful of other mages. Cullen was grateful for the help, even if it meant spending time with Solas, trying desperately to find something to talk about.

When the team arrived, they tied their horses up at the camp near Master Dennet's stables and took off on foot toward Dead Ram Grove, signaling the watch tower to stay on guard.

At the entrance to the cave, Cullen took Dorian's hand and squeezed tightly while giving him a worried look. Dorian smiled gently, squeezing back. Cullen nodded and signaled the group into formation and forward. It was still dark, but with several mages summoning flames into their palms, they would be able to see any ambushes this time.

The team stepped cautiously into the final room of the cave where the Inquisitor had been torn through time. It was quiet, with the scattered corpses of Venatori from their failed attack on Cullen’s crew. Dorian winced as he saw the familiar clothing of his homeland, not happy to be fighting his countrymen.

Cullen looked to Dorian with concern, wordlessly asking if he was alright. Dorian nodded and continued on, reminding himself these men chose this path.

After glancing around the room, everyone turned to face Cullen with disappointed looks.

"There's no one here. How are we going to bring the Inquisitor back without that amulet?" One of the mages asked.

Dorian bit his lip as he thought.

Before he could come up with anything, Felix spoke up. "No, there must be another way out of here. My father didn't head for the entrance when he retreated, he went further in."

Cullen nodded, "That's right, everyone look around! There must be--"

Dorian placed his hands on the wall at the back of the cave and closed his eyes, reciting a spell quietly.

Before anyone could ask what he was planning, the wall dissolved away, revealing a laboratory and a barely conscious Alexius breathing heavily on the ground, books scattered where he sat.

"Father!" Felix rushed to his side as he pulled bandages from his bag. Alexius’s wounds were deep and unhealed, but not from Lavellan's sword, which laid across his lab table, still coated in blood.

"My son," Alexius’s voice was incredibly weak, sounding more like air than words.

Felix began applying pressure to his father's rotting wound, exposed flesh healed open.

"We have healers here, just hold on," he said even as the healers shook their heads, wounds too old to fix.

Dorian approached with caution, nerves rising at seeing his old mentor again. He stepped into view just as Alexius looked up.

"The Venatori," he wheezed, "they left me, abandoned me. Told...told the Elder One I failed them."

Felix's eyes began to well up with tears, "They were using you, father, just like you used Dorian. They wanted your magic, that was all."

Tears tugged at the edges of Alexius’s eyes as well, as he admitted, "The Elder One...Corypheus...he came to take the amulet, tried to kill me. But...but I…"

He began to cough and sputter, blood leaking from his nose and mouth. He tightly grabbed Felix's hand, holding on with all his strength as he gasped and panted for air.

The air was stagnant, musty and old. Without a draft present, Dorian and Felix could feel as Alexius’s last breath escaped his chest and hit their skin.

Felix sat back on his hunches, eyes glazed, staring down at their entwined hands.

Dorian looked away and closed his eyes tightly.

A long silence hovered in the room, Dorian's hand gripping Felix's shoulder to comfort him. He looked down at his hand, still clasped in his father's, and felt something heavy and cold kiss his palm. He pulled his father's hand away to find the amulet, pulsating and smooth, as if never used.

"Crafty bastard," Dorian said as he lookes at the amulet in pristine condition. "He repaired it, but not perfectly. The way the magic is calibrated, it should work in reverse."

Dorian looked from the Inquisitor's sword to the books scattered on the floor.

"He was going to bring Lavellan back and try again."

"Maker's sake," Felix dropped his head into his hands.

"It's already 'calibrated' to bring him back? That saves us some time, doesn't it?" Cullen looked to Solas for confirmation.

"I am unfamiliar with time magic. I believe everyone to be, except for Dorian." Solas gestured from Dorian to confirm.

He nodded, taking the amulet from Felix and looking it over for imperfections. "Indeed it does. So long as he's done it correctly."

Dorian began work on his spell with the mages silently watching on. Though he had asked them not to, they often asked questions, to which the usual reply was, "This is time altering magic, you know. Let's not forget the danger of this."

When they began to ask too many questions they wouldn't get an answer to, Cullen stepped in and shooed them away. After they scattered, Cullen placed a hand on the small of Dorian's back, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around the man from behind. He wanted nothing more than to rest his head on Dorian’s shoulder and close his eyes. And when he would open them, the Inquisitor would be there unscathed and everything would be normal.

Cullen heaved a deep sigh at the thought, Dorian turning to look at him with concern.

"Something the matter, amatus?"

"Who?" Cullen asked, not really having absorbed the question.

Dorian chuckled, "You, silly. Are you alright?"

Cullen shook his head slightly, eyes closed, "No. I mean, yes, it's nothing, just...who is Amatus?"

Dorian rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around Cullen’s neck. "It's Tevene, a term of endearment like 'honey or 'dear'." A smirk came to his lips as Cullen scolded himself for sounding jealous.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous about this whole situation. I didn't mean to…" Cullen trailed off.

Dorian pressed a nimble finger to his lips. "It's alright, I'm nervous too. This is something I've never done, never even considered having to do. But it will turn out. The Inquisitor will be fine, I promise."

Cullen stared with anxious eyes for a long moment, "That's an awfully confident promise."

Dorian's calm smile faltered ever so slightly, but Cullen caught it, placing a warm ungloved palm to the mage's cheek. "I trust you, Dorian, but it's not your fault if he doesn't come back."

Dorian cringed, "This has all been my fault. If I had just been honest from the beginning--"

"Stop." Cullen leaned forward to silence him with a kiss, forgetting the others around them. "Hunting down the Venatori has been our goal this entire time. This may have happened eventually, you couldn't have changed this."

Dorian nodded, lips still so close to Cullen's. "You're right, I know you are, but I would feel much better if I could bring him back."

Dorian grabbed the calibrated amulet and a tome off the lab table, breaking free of Cullen's embrace and moving toward the center of the room to prepare the ritual.

Solas stood from his crouched position, holding out his hands to take Dorian's completed spell.

"The most difficult bit will be leaving the fade at the same time you entered. Make certain you do not interrupt the flow of time." Solas warned as he started casting.

Dorian looked to Cullen one last time before a green and yellow tear opened before him and he stepped through.

Hours passed and still Dorian hadn't returned with the Inquisitor. Cullen paced the room along with the mages, while Solas maintained meditation in the center of the room, waiting for the beckon call.

He couldn't take the suspense any longer. Cullen gingerly walked near and around Solas to see if he could still hear him. Solas coldly spoke, quiet and even, "I am entirely aware of my surroundings outside the fade, Commander."

It made Cullen jump at first. He then asked, "Are you...in there with them? Can you help them?"

Solas stayed completely still with his eyes closed and legs crossed as he responded, "No, I cannot. I am simply suspending my mind in the fade, but I am not there as they are. They went in physically, body and spirit as one. I would have gone in myself and done this more quickly, but alas, there must be someone on the other side to pull the Inquisitor back through. Dorian has an excellent understanding of time, but the fade can disorient even the brightest minds."

None of this made Cullen feel any better, or more confident that they were safe. "But can you see them? Are they alright?"

Solas sighed, annoyed at having to dumb things down, "Dorian and the Inquisitor have made contact. I can sense their spirits near one another, but I cannot see anything. Were I there, I could use my senses. I am not, however, so I must feel for their souls. I know not where they are in time, or how they fair."

Cullen grunted in frustration. Why did he expect a clear answer?

A short while passed and Solas began to rise, grabbing his staff again. "Everyone stay back, the tear could pull you in!"

Everyone scattered to the edges of the room, watching in astonishment as Solas tore the veil open, Dorian and the Inquisitor stumbling through back into the 'real' world, haggard and panting.

Cullen approached slowly as the tear sealed behind them. When Dorian locked eyes with him, he ran into the Commander's arms.

"Cullen," he whispered in his ear, breathy and shaking, "Thank the Maker, it's you"

Cullen returned the embrace but was still confused. "Yes, it's really me. What happened? Are you alright?"

The rest of the room rushed to the Inquisitor's aid, healers starting to mend cuts and bruises and wrap them gently but with urgency.

Dorian pulled back to look Cullen in the eyes, tears nearly falling onto his cheeks. "Time moves differently. I hoped we would be out in a few days, but it's been weeks, maybe months for us. Lavellan said he'd been sent into the future and stuck there for nearly a year. I can't begin to imagine…"

Dorian shuttered and pulled Cullen close again, Cullen shushing him softly, running calloused fingers over his hair.

__________

Back at Skyhold, a crowd waited anxiously at the base of the steps from the main hall, nervous chatter rumbling through them. The Inquisitor was in his chambers, healers and templars looking him over, a scholar begging him to recount his experience.

Cullen and his fellow advisors took deep breaths before opening the doors of the main hall and descending the steps until they reached the middle landing.

"People of the Inquisition!" Cassandra shouted over the chatter, "The Inquisitor is safe and in good health!"

The crowd sighed a collective sigh of relief as they applauded.

Cullen smiled as he added, "All thanks to the brave and valiant efforts of the templars," they raised their swords from within the crowd, people cheering. "Our mages," they raised their staves as well, Solas smiling as he bowed his head.

"And lastly, this man." Cullen held out his hand, inviting Dorian from the front of the crowd to join him. "This man, who joined with you as a troop, rose quickly through our ranks with his impressive display of magical knowledge; who joined the Inquisitor in the field, and contributed to the important research done in our library."

Dorian was already stunned as he stood above all the people of Skyhold, but Cullen took both hands in his, and faced him full on. "This man, who risked his reputation, his place in the Inquisition, and ultimately his own life, to return the Inquisitor to us from beyond time. Dorian Pavus."

Felix, standing at the front, looked up to Dorian from within the crowd and shouted, "To Dorian!" The crowd joined in with thanks, crying out with joy for their Herald’s great return, and the man who saved him. Dorian looked out over the crowd as they said his name, as they recognized him for all his deeds despite his lineage.

The good Tevinter.

He smiled as he turned to Cullen once again. "A tad overdue, if you ask me."

Cullen chuckled, "You're impossible."

Cullen pulled Dorian in for a long and tight hug, the crowd around them cheering for the Inquisitor. Cheering for the

[kingsten]

Thuong. ( @cir for Peter.6 times Peter doesn’t finish his meal but one time he does. ) word prompt. “To love tenderly— a deep and sincere notion of fondness and care between family members, friends, or lovers.” 

1— CAFE DES DEUX MOULINS, PARIS— NOON “Here you are, toasts, champignons et oeufs pochés. Tell me, how was my pronunciation this time? Better?” Brian makes light conversation with a smile while he gives Peter time to clear space on the table in front of himself in order to set down the plate. Peter isn’t his most talkative regular but if there’s one thing Brian is self confident in, it’s his ability to outwait another person and abundance of patience when it comes to working towards getting them to open up to him. It’s amusing to him, cute even the way Peter likes to elude his numerous attempts at small talk and yet he keeps coming back, and as long as he’s in his usual booth at 11:16 AM then so will new questions await him. 

“Nothing to correct.... much better than yesterday.” Peter’s voice is quiet in contrast but his words makes Brian grin widely, and with satisfied look on his face he moves on to attend to the other customers. Later, when he returns to collect the dishes and payment his expression shifts to something akin to a mix of displeasure and confusion. He begins to clear the table, pausing when he picks up the half eaten plate of food.  

“What?” Peter sips on his drink, eying Brian who is hesitant to speak. 

“Was the food not to your liking because if it was overcooked or something then I can get the chef to remake the order...” After a moment’s silence and a gesture to the kitchen Brian adds, “I can even get you something else. No extra charge.” Peter shakes his head then rests his chin in his hand. He looks at Brian in a way that makes him feel a tiny bit shy, like he can read him or knows some secret to the universe that Brian isn’t in on but replies with a simple. “It was nice, Brian. I liked it.” 

Brian wants to ask then why did you only eat half and why is it that every day, no matter what he orders all the meal receive the same treatment even though Peter supposedly likes the food. When Peter begins to pack up, he lets it go and takes the plate away.

2— RUE MONTORGUEIL, PARIS— MORNING They’re friends now. Well, in Brian’s way of thinking he considers Peter a close friend of his. However, he couldn’t possibly say if the feeling is mutual but Peter doesn’t complain as much as he used to before whenever Brian would show up unannounced, invite himself over to his place or drag Peter to some new destination. It’s a good sign that they’re making progress in their friendship. Even though in reality Peter let’s him do whatever he wants and just goes along for the ride.

So what is today’s adventure? Tackling Rue Montorgueil in pursuit of fresh produce and other groceries. Another advantage of having Peter around is his ability to haggle with venders that try to sell Brian overprice fruits, and veggies. It’s a skill that Brian. with admiration, watches as an exchange happens between Peter and a vender who insists his prices are fair. It’s almost an art the way Peter shakes his head, maintains his position and argues until the price is brought down to a reasonable price. He’s so good at it that Jae made it an unofficial rule in the house that Brian isn’t allowed to do any of the weekly shopping unless Peter is with him. 

And it’s a rule that Brian is more than happy to abide by.

So, with fruits and vegetables in one bag and various cheeses, crackers, and cuts of meat and fish in the other Brian talks idly to Peter while on their walk home. Eating a peach, he chats about a number of topics such as the fact he likes Kate’s idea of starting an herb garden in the kitchen window sill but is dismayed to find out from Peter that Jae has a habit of killing every green thing he touches. The air is crisp. It’s somewhere between fall leaning towards winter where a long sleeve will suffice or a light jacket. It’s a pleasant walk home.

Peter has a peach too that he’s taken a bite out of but otherwise just holds it. And this does not escape Brian’s attention but he figures it’s because they’re actually talking, as in really talking. He says something and Peter does more than listen: He replies back, he laughs, he pouts, but most important is that he opens up and shows off his personality little by little. And Brian loves it — though he credits this change to Jae who acts more like Peter’s older brother than he does his cousin. The two bicker all the time, it’s funny the way they both seem to go out of their way to annoy one another. 

“Do you have cousins you’re close to?” Peter asks, rebalancing the bag he’s carrying with one hand. Brian blinks, surprised by the change in direction to him and his own family. He shakes his head slowly. 

“No. Actually I’m jealous of you and Jae.” Brian shrugs, as he tosses the pit into a trash can they pass. “All my cousins are either in South Korea or scattered amongst various parts of the US and Canada. I think I even have an aunt in New Zealand if I remember correctly— do you not like the peach?” Brian stops when he catches Peter hovering over a trash can posed to toss his peach but hands it over when Brian holds out his hand. 

“We bought loads of stuff. Crackers, plums, erm.... hmm grapes?” And Brian wonders maybe Peter likes snacks that don’t require much commitment such as berries or nuts. Something he can pick at and eat in small doses but Peter declines everything he offers, even the bread which makes Brian narrow his eyes in a quizzical way. “You don’t eat much.” He comments to which Peter laughs and replies with “I’m still full off breakfast.” 

Brian bites into the peach and nods, thoroughly unconvinced by that statement. “Uh-huh.” He saw what Peter was picking at that morning when he came by to pick him up. Needless to say, he was not impressed. “Oatmeal... is very filling.” Brian gives Peter a once over then returns to walking in silence until his phone rings. It’s Angelina, calling to ask where they are because she wants to know if the money she pitched in for groceries was all spent.

3— TAXI CAB, PARIS— NIGHT “I’m sorry. I, I’m sorry. You’re so nice. I’m sorry.” Peter slurs, drunkenly pushing away from Brian to wipe at his eyes with the sleeves on the back of his hand almost like a child that is scared of receiving a lecture. Brian is a bit tipsy himself but nowhere near the same level as Peter who he suspects was drunk after the first glass of wine.

Regardless, he defiantly was slammed by the third glass which makes Brian feel a tiny bit bad. It was his brilliant idea to bring Peter to a wine tasting party but when he tries to articulate that maybe he should’ve just asked Kate instead or even went alone with Jae he’s cut off by having to grab Peter to keep him from losing his balance all together when they get into the cab. Jae laughs, not worried in the least and pats the top of the car. “Get him home safe, Bri.” he says, then shuts the door for them. And Brian waves as him and the girls. The minute the taxi pulls away from the curb Peter clings to him and stays like that the duration of the ride to his apartment. 

Brian doesn’t mind and basks in the proximity, knowing Peter would never grant him such a luxury sober. And it’s nice, even though Brian keeps his hands to himself, awkwardly kept tucked in his lap. He can feel the steady raise and fall of his chest and how warm Peter’s breath is against his neck. Peter hugs him closer and the only coherent train of thought Brian can form is that he’s so glad he picked tonight to wear a hoodie rather than the usual denim jacket. The hoodie’s material is soft enough for Peter to fall asleep on without discomfort. The softness of his hair tickles Brian’s cheek and he can smell his shampoo or conditioner, perhaps aftershave? A combination of all three more than likely. Whatever it is that he uses, it’s nice.

“I’m sorry.” Peter half awake and half asleep slurs again, surprising Brian. The words are muffled but heated against Brian’s neck and it makes him swallow deep but thankfully the taxi pulls to a gentle stop outside Peter’s apartment. Brian moves, putting his hands on Peter’s shoulder to pushes him to sit up just enough to look him in the eye. “It’s my fault. I should’ve made you eat something before.” He reassures, smiling but feeling a little sad that the moment is over but at least he has the memory of being this close to hold onto. “Come on, let’s get you inside and put you to bed.”

4— BRIAN AND PETER’S FIRST APARTMENT, US— SOMETIME AROUND BRUNCH Brian leans against the countertop: blonde hair a mess, shirtless as he takes a bite out of a  carrot stick. Peter is quiet (he usually is after just waking up) as he preps food. Brian observes him in silence and though he enjoys the sight of his boyfriend wearing nothing but his t-shirt which fits big on him and falls to thighs he can’t help but wonder... where on earth did Peter learn to cook like this?

This is where Brian makes the connection that perhaps this is why Peter never seems to finish his food. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have much experience in the kitchen. A weird concept to Brian given in his family food is an expression of love and he wonders if Peter’s mom ever cut up fruit for him or took special care to pack him lunches she cooked that morning before he was even awake like Brian’s mom used to— he continues to chew thoughtfully when Peter starts chopping green onion, slowly and carefully and it’s just not efficient but it’s more amusing than anything. 

“Ok, here, let me.” Brian finally intervenes when Peter starts to peel the garlic. He gets off the counter and moves to stand behind him and takes the clove from Peter’s fingers and uses the kitchen knife to cut off the tip then uses the flat side to crush it flat against the cutting board. It detaches from the peel fairly easily after that but Brian figures he’s already here and goes ahead and minces the garlic then sets the knife aside. “Show off.” Peter murmurs, complaining that Brian should cook instead but Brian shakes his head and snakes his arms around Peter’s middle to hold him close and the only help he contributes after that is by cooing over how cute Peter is when he cooks. 

5— MARINA GREEN PARK, SAN FRANSISCO— AFTERNOON "You.” Brian points at Peter with his fork then at the several boxes of food between them, “do not eat nearly enough.” Even though Brian’s face is blank, eyes hidden and obscured behind a pair of dark sunglasses there’s an unmistakable edge to his voice, throwing a quick glance at the food. All of which Peter had picked out, and all of which Peter is now ignoring and it’s slightly irritating to Brian today.

“And you...” Peter picks at his jacket— well, technically Brian’s since Peter doesn’t make a habit of wearing jean jackets but he gets cold easily and even in San Francisco on a sunny day such as this it gets a bit chilly the nearer you are to the sea. Peter is not interested in starting a fight but also not one to sit back and allow Brian to accuse him much less, talk to him with that tone of voice without retaliation finishes his response with a warning tone of voice. One that advises his boyfriend to drop the subject: “You always say that.”    

“Yeah well, I always mean it too.” Brian bites back, uncapping a bottle of water and downing half its contents.

Ok, so the food they’ve been eating while on tour isn’t five star gourmet and he should be thankful that today they get to eat in the park, in fresh air on a blanket on a nice day but his cabin fever has become a state of mind. What’s making him irritable is the fact that he’s bored of San Francisco. The first three days the band played at a local festival was fun in it’s own way. Jae and the rest of the band enjoyed it. Brian thought the music was too poppy or daft-punkish for his liking but there were a few indie acts that were bearable. And the four days after that were nice, getting to sleep in a real bed and eat something green and not takeout or fast food for once was a treat but it’s been two weeks, going on three now and he’s ready to move on. Though he’s certain Peter feels the opposite.

“Here.” 

Brian is pulled from his thoughts and turns to see Peter is holding out a chocolate covered strawberry to him. Immediately, he feels guilty about his outburst earlier but rather than accept the peace offering and apologize he shakes his head and resumes his sulking. Peter scoots closer and tries again, evidently annoyed too but adds. “Who doesn’t finish their food now?” Which is a dig enough to make Brian give him a look that is lost behind dark shades, and he tries to grab the strawberry. Peter is quick to hold it out of his reach with a stern “No.” 

Brian blinks, confused then it clicks what Peter wants. He rolls his eyes then opens his mouth and allows him to feed it to him. After he takes a bite Peter eats one too and they sit in silence, chewing until their moods lift a little and Peter is the one to break the silence. “I think. I understand you better now.” He says, feeding Brian another strawberry. 

“Oh?” Brian asks, starting to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand until Peter hands him a napkin. Peter flicks a crumb of chocolate off his pants then says, “You use food as a way to take care of people.” Brian stops chewing and it makes sense when he thinks about it but before he can add a comment of his own. Peter continues. “And I think that’s why it bothers you that I don’t finish my meals.”  

 Later, when Brain thinks about it in more and even dares to ask Jae for his two cents on the idea. Jae confirms Peter’s idea. 

“Yeah man. It’s sort of how you communicate that you care. Words like ‘have you eaten?’ or ‘finish your food.’ I think it’s like, your way of saying I love you.

6— TOM’S APARTMENT, LA— NIGHT Brian gestures for Peter to come closer which Peter, who is mad at him, bluntly ignores and shows complete disinterest in whatever Brian is planning. Instead, he stays seated on his side of Joonmyun’s coffee table and watches the tv. There’s some Star Wars movie playing, or maybe one its series. Brian laughs from the other side then gestures again. “Babe, come here. Please? I have something for you.”

Peter remains firmly planted right where he is, chewing on the plastic of his fork rather than eat from the half-empty takeout box in front of him but he’s at least acknowledging Brian now as he regards him with newfound interest. Curious and very much skeptical about what he could possibly have since he’s empty handed and unless he’s hiding another plane ticket under his shirt or in the thin pockets of his pants Peter’s at a complete loss as to what he has or is planning.

“Please?”

Peter rolls his eyes before he puts the fork down and scoots to sit close enough so that their knees are touching and his eyes search Brian’s. Mostly skeptical but Brian leans in to steal a small kiss which makes him freeze at first but it’s been a long time since they last kissed. Peter sighs, and slowly allows himself to kiss back. It’s not hard to allow himself to melt, it’s familiar and he’s missed this but just as they’re building a steady momentum it’s over just like that.

Peter clearly expects another and his eyes remain shut and his head tilted for a moment or two even after Brian pulls away. When he does open his eyes, Brian is already back to eating his own food.

“Is that it?” Peter’s voice is slightly raised along with his brows.

“If you finish your food then I’ll kiss you some more.” Brian says casually before shoving a large amount of food into his mouth that if it were anyone else it would be considered a choking hazard.

Peter lets out a tsk of disbelief, butterflies still in his stomach yet ready to argue. Brian, after he swallows, cuts him off with a curt “but only if you finish.” then smiles when Peter rolls his eyes and pouts. It doesn’t take long for Brian to finish then he starts to clear away his trash and tosses it into the trashcan in the kitchen but Peter remains seated by the coffee table and pokes around his takeout with a pout. Bey, Mikoto’s corgi is seated next to him and watches him eat in small bites with pleading eyes. It’s not a bad idea... he could just give the rest to the dog and Peter almost considers caving in but Brian comes back, takes a seat next to them and picks Bey up and watches tv.

Sulking, Peter takes another bite then offers the rest to Brian as he usually does. Old habits die hard but Brian shakes his head and pushes the box away with two fingers. “Technically that’s cheating.” Brian murmurs, scrunching his nose at Peter as he turns away from the tv to look at him. It’s weird not knowing exactly where they are in terms of relationships and if he even has the right to call him boyfriend or if Peter even likes him anymore because sometimes he can feel so distant and impossible to read but they both know one thing is for sure when Brian says, “Finish your food, babe.” 

Peter hides a small smile then he picks up the takeout box, and finishes his food.

[hellofashionist]

Tasty Food Recipes That You Can Cook Within Ten Mins

you recognize the information: preparing meals at home is ideal for your health and your wallet. But permit’s face it — you have other priorities taking up space for your time table and minimal unfastened time, so spending hours or maybe minutes within the kitchen isn’t always on the top of your to-do list. So many matters can crowd out meal prep (think: lengthy hours at work, vast others, preserving in touch with circle of relatives, perhaps even a exercising here and there).

24 healthful and portable mason jar food

but before giving in to endless seamless clicking, turning into a ordinary at the chinese language place near the office, or residing off frozen meals, recognize that in the time it takes to look at your favored cat videos on youtube, you could make a nutritious home-cooked meal. Most of these recipes are smooth and healthful — and equipped in 10 minutes, tops. For each meal of the day, along with make-and-take breakfasts and lunches, that is fast food that fitness experts could approve of. Reader survey please take a brief 1-minute survey your answers will assist us enhance our enjoy. You're the satisfactory! Breakfast

1. Peach cobbler oatmeal picture: spoonful of taste neglect flavored oatmeal packets and move au naturel with this oatmeal that’s reminiscent of a cobbler. With sparkling peaches, chopped pecans or your nut of desire, and cinnamon, it's going to fulfill your sweet enamel so nicely that you could find yourself making it for dessert. 2. Easy poached egg and avocado toast

avocado toast is all of the rage, however adding a poached egg takes it to a new level and completes the trifecta of nutrients: protein, fats, and carbs. Parmesan cheese and sparkling herbs sprinkled on pinnacle make it appearance and taste fancy. 3. Oatmeal blueberry yogurt pancakes image: formidable kitchen a stack of selfmade flapjacks doesn’t take that lengthy to make. These are high-protein and free of gluten, however they still flavor incredible and fluffy, way to bananas, oats, vanilla, and of course blueberries. Four. Cheddar-garlic grits with fried eggs

a southern classic, tacky grits don’t need to be a complete fat and calorie bomb. Cook dinner them in water rather than milk and leave out the butter. However keep the cheddar: the 2 tablespoons in keeping with serving here maintains the dish gooey and rich and affords almost 10 percent of your day by day calcium. Then upload eggs for staying electricity, chopped chives for their slightly oniony flavor, and garlic, which makes the whole lot flavor higher. 5. Hot quinoa cereal picture: marin mama chefs terrifi as it's miles, quinoa takes some time to prepare dinner. Even as a few humans have stated it can be nuked, that takes extra than 10 mins in most microwaves. But quinoa flakes, which can be similar to oats however are a complete protein, can be equipped in a flash. Cook them in your selected milk with dried berries, after which top away with nuts, nut butter, seeds, and fresh fruit.

6. Scrambled tofu whilst properly prepared, tofu is something however blah — and this model gives as a great deal protein as a scrambled egg. Toss the vegan staple with tacky nutritional yeast, turmeric, cumin, and paprika (buy smoked for even greater taste). Even egg enthusiasts will enjoy it. 7. Pumpkin pie oatmeal photograph: two healthful kitchens this healthful, autumn-stimulated oatmeal gets its pie-like taste from pumpkin puree, pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon, and vanilla. A sprinkling of dried cranberries provides natural sweetness. Eight. Open-confronted sandwiches with ricotta, arugula, and fried egg photo: john autry

a breakfast sandwich may be a lot more than a smashed viscount st. Albans, egg, and cheese eaten in the back of the wheel. Yes, this one requires a fork and knife, however it’s really worth it. Toasted bread is topped with spicy arugula, an excellent source of vitamin ok, which allows your blood clot. Then add an egg, salty ricotta — it has greater protein than cottage cheese — parmesan, and thyme. It’s a sandwich like no different. Nine. Omelet in a mug photograph: scattered mind of a cunning mother toss your favored breakfast meat (or pass it if you’re vegetarian), salsa, eggs, and cheese in a mug and zap it for 1 minute. Stir, and then prepare dinner for some other 30 to forty five seconds. Season to flavor and pinnacle with greater cheese. Breakfast has by no means been less complicated to make — or to clean up. Lunch

10. Butternut squash ramen bowl with rice noodles, tofu, and clean pea shoots photograph: in pursuit of more a scrumptious dinner for one, this noodle bowl has all the flavors of your fave brief-prepare dinner noodle cups however none of the icky components. Rice noodles offer the majority of this vegetarian-pleasant bowl, which makes use of boxed butternut squash soup as a base for instant cooking. Pea shoots taste like, properly, peas, and are rich in vitamins a and c and folic acid. If you can’t find them, you could use spinach. Eleven. Mediterranean panzanella photograph: the noshery

rather than top a salad with bagged croutons, whip up this tuscan version with toasted pita bread. There’s the usual right-alone-however-higher-together suspects predicted in something called “mediterranean”: tomatoes, cucumbers, feta, and olives. The olives are key since the fat in them assist your body absorb the vitamins inside the greens.

12. Crunchy asian ramen noodle salad picture: gimme some oven this colorful, crunchy salad is simply what the health practitioner ordered when leafy-veggies-based sorts are dull you. Crunchy coleslaw blend and dried ramen noodles (swap in crunchy rice noodles for a less-processed option) are tossed with avocado for wholesome fat, edamame for protein, and mango for imaginative and prescient-protecting beta-carotene. Thirteen. Brief and clean hen burrito

leftover hen finds a new domestic in this short burrito. Blend it with avocado and cheese earlier than wrapping it up in a tortilla and cooking it. We’d take it one step in addition and upload a few peppers, onions, and perhaps a few vegetables to the filling. Bonus: make some immediately and freeze the extras for a fair quicker lunch subsequent time.

14. Salmon and herbed bean salad photo: grocery store healthful uninterested in tuna salad? Strive canned salmon combined with creamy cannellini beans, greens, and sparkling herbs for a remarkable smooth meal that’s as scrumptious on its personal as it's far in a pita or with whole-grain crackers

15. Creamy buffalo fowl and black bean quesadillas if you usually reach for the wings on sport day, this is the lunch quesadilla for you. It’s spicy, creamy, and loaded with flavor. Black beans bump up the fiber and protein, and inexperienced onions upload a touch more zing. Experience loose to cut back on the bitter cream or use greek yogurt instead. 16. Tomato salad–crammed avocados image: taste of home

not only desirable for guacamole, moist desserts, and rich smoothies, avocados are designed to be filled! Dispose of the pit and fill the center with a mixture of tomato, feta, onion, and herbs for a filling meal that’s quite sufficient to serve at a brunch. After all, not every breakfast-meets-lunch recipe must take hours to put together.

17. Caprese quesadilla italian and mexican favorites crew up for a mashup that’s better than something blended with the aid of a dj. The how-to is quite apparent: fill a tortilla with tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil; cook until the cheese is melted; and drizzle with balsamic glaze for a taste-packed final touch. 18. Herb and onion frittata at the same time as this recipe uses liquid eggs, you can alternative  complete eggs for the reason that ldl cholesterol and fats inside the real factor are not anything to worry approximately. Upload anything herbs — clean or dried — enchantment to you, due to the fact all of them have distinct flavors and fitness blessings. Like pizza and mashed potatoes, frittata tastes simply as properly bloodless as it does warm, so cross in advance and double the recipe and devour the alternative half of for breakfast tomorrow.

19. Turkey-provolone wrap with avocado mayo this isn’t just every other turkey sandwich. Smear mayo and coronary heart-wholesome avocado on a tortilla and roll it up with lettuce, provolone, and tomato. This recipe is gentle, creamy, and crunchy, but view it as a starting vicinity and play with other fillings. Dinner

20. Zucchini pasta with vegan cashew-basil pesto photograph: the fitchen the addition of cashews — a good source of bone-building phosphorus, strength-generating magnesium, and other minerals — makes pesto distinctly creamy. Make the sauce in a meals processor, spiralize zucchini (or use a vegetable peeler), and integrate the two. Then dig in! 21. Veggie fried rice image: pinch of yum fried rice is a dream for chefs pressed for time, and this model is not any exception. Leftover brown rice works high-quality for this, however in case you’re in a pinch, microwaveable rice stands in nicely. Peas, eggs, and corn get tossed with salty soy sauce and rice vinegar. Mix in any of your different preferred greens, too. You surely can’t cross wrong.

22. Highly spiced cilantro shrimp with honey-lime dipping sauce image: love grows wild because it chefs so quick, shrimp is the right protein for busy evenings. Season it with paprika, cumin, cayenne, and cinnamon (yes, cinnamon — it provides warmth) for max flavor, and sauté it in butter for just minutes. Toss with sparkling lime juice and a selfmade honey-lime dipping sauce that tempers the heat of the shrimp.

23. Oven-baked tostadas image: yellow bliss avenue crunchy oven-baked corn tortillas famous person in this meal. After they’re golden and crispy, pinnacle them with refried beans or any simple beans, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, and avocado. That is one recipe to have fun with and spot what mixtures you can create. 24. Broccoli and parmesan soup

with five ingredients and 10 minutes, dinner is prepared. Cooking the broccoli with a parmesan rind infuses cheesy flavor into every spoonful, and a hint of soy adds umami — that savory taste that you may’t pretty describe but taste pointers of (in a terrific manner). This pureed soup packs nutrients a, b-6, and c, plus phytochemicals that can fend off cancer. 25. Pan-roasted salmon with arugula and avocado salad

picture: serious eats a complete seafood dinner in 10 mins? Oh, sure. While the salmon sears on the stove, toss arugula with a lemon–olive oil french dressing, cubed avocado, and parmesan. Once the fish is achieved, plate it on pinnacle of the salad. Your coronary heart will thank you, for the reason that two servings of fatty fish weekly may additionally decrease the hazard of cardiovascular ailment. 26. Brief and smooth black beans and rice image: the perfect pantry

there’s a reason rice and beans is this kind of popular dish: it’s cheaper and clean. But it could additionally be uninteresting. Not so with this flavorful take. Conventional latin flavorings like sofrito, cumin, and chili powder are introduced to cooked rice. Toss in inexperienced chile peppers for heat and black beans for protein and you've a complete meal right away. 27. Low-carb chili picture: i breathe i’m hungry whilst you want chili and you need it now, pull this recipe out. Using your preferred keep-sold salsa speeds matters up, and there’s no longer even any dicing or slicing worried. Use ground lean red meat or turkey, and pinnacle together with your favorite fixings like sour cream, corn, avocado, or clean-squeezed lime juice.

28. Bbq chook pizza neglect frozen pizza or delivery: this pie is ready even faster! Use a whole-wheat pita because the crust, and pinnacle it with fish fry sauce, red onion, mozzarella, and precooked hen — leftover or rotisserie from the store works nicely. Microwave until the cheese is flawlessly melted, and then go beforehand — consume everything! 29. Lean and green tofu stir-fry photograph: consuming fowl food

stir-fries are ideal when you need a healthful meal speedy. Plus, they’re an smooth manner to % in greens. This recipe consists of onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, and a couple of cups of spinach in step with serving — that alone offers approximately a third of the daily advice of diet a, plus loads of vitamin k and some potassium, vitamins that are critical for the fitness of your eyes, bones, and coronary heart.

[cloudy-coyote]

Necessity

A/N: Welcome to chapter 1 of Necessity! This Supernatural fic is super plot twisty, I like keeping it chill in the beginning and then switching it up when you least expect it! If you love lots of drama, mystery and intense conflicts, here you go. There will def be some romance blossoming, slow build to smutty goodness, it's a good fic, I swear. 

Chapter 1: The Last Day

April 5th, 2019

"Eva!" Her mother, Eleanor hollers.

Her eyes shoot open at the sound. It usually takes her a few minutes to actually get up. Whether it's scrolling through Instagram on her phone or stretching her body out, she takes her time. The sunlight was pouring in through the curtains; there was a gentle breeze from her ceiling fan. Then she begins to smell the sizzling bacon and her legs kick into gear.

During the fall semester she despised getting up early for classes, so this semester she got only afternoon and evening classes. Still reveling in the feeling of waking up later, Eva gracefully clothes herself in a pair of sweatpants, keeping her oversized sleep shirt on. She grabs her phone, leaves her room and heads on downstairs, passing all the glowing windows. She's not typically a morning person, but waking up at 11:30 is much nicer than 7:00 AM, not to mention that spring has always been her favorite season.

Spring is jam-packed with blooming flowers, singing birds and soaring butterflies. As soon as you walk outside you're met with beautiful colors and scents of greenery. It's amazing walking weather; you usually don't have to wear coats because it's never too hot or too cold. Everything is absolutely perfect, except-

"Rain," Her father sighs, "It's going to be pouring by the time your classes end."

She enters the kitchen, the smell of breakfast overwhelming her. She takes a seat next to her Dad, Augustus, also known as Gus.

"Well I can't pick her up, I have to go visit my Mother today," Eleanor says. She hands Eva a plate, as well one to her brother Charley.

"It's fine, Mom, I can just walk."

"You're going to have to bring an umbrella with you," Charley comments.

"I know Charley, that was pretty obvious," Eva rolls her eyes, 'such a simple-minded man,' she thinks to herself. She serves herself some bacon and eggs before filling up a glass of water.

She's the youngest of three, only 18. Her oldest brother is Charley, who is 24 years old, her second oldest is brother is Oliver, she calls him Oli for short, and he's 21.

Her mother finishes serving herself as well; Gus, Charley and Eva already diving into their meals. Just as she sits down she recognizes the empty seat.

"Where's your brother?"

To this Charley snorts, "Where do you think?"

"Stayed up all night again?" Gus asks.

This was a common occurrence. And I know what you're thinking, must be a hard partier, huh? No, that's not the case. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Her brother, Oliver, has a really hard time getting sleep. They're not sure exactly what it is. Perhaps he's a light sleeper, or maybe its nightmares, maybe anxiety—could be anything. If there's one thing Eva knows for sure, it's that his sleeping habits are a popular subject of gossip in her house. They always talk about him when he's not around, complaining about how concerned they are. Sometimes he'll even be in the same room and they'll still talk about him to each other as if he's not there. She'd be lying if she said it didn't make her feel guilty.

"At least he's asleep now," Eva comments.

Gus nods. He has bright blue eyes and jet-black hair. Well, used to be jet-black, now it's more like salt and pepper. Eva didn't get his eyes, or his hair, or his height, but she got his personality. There's something about her, that all of her older cousins and Aunts and Uncles comment on. It could be their face shapes, their smiles, nobody knows what it is about the two of them that is so strikingly similar, but it's there.

Her mother, on the other hand, she has big, chocolaty doe eyes, which is exactly what Eva inherited. She is also the same height as her Mom and almost same hair color. Eleanor has a light; hazel colored hair whereas Eva's is a much darker brown. She's sweet, she's caring but she's also incredibly timid. Charley and Oliver take a lot after their mother. They can be shy, can be sweet and could do with a little more assertiveness, exactly like Eleanor. But despite all of their passiveness, they are the most welcoming, warm people on the Earth.

It's funny because the whole family looks unrelated-- like a mismatched bunch. Charley has his mother's light feathery hair, her eye color, but Gus's eye shape and height. Oliver has the jet-black hair, just like his father, but his mother's height and his mother's eyes. And while Eleanor is more on the shy, dependent side, Gus is assertive and sovereign. He has the reputation of sometimes overstepping boundaries—maybe being a little too controlling. And unfortunately, in this family, most of them just go along with it due to their passive nature. That is until Eva came along.

Eva is a little firecracker and a straight copy of her dad. She's always been over-cautious like him, very honest, very assertive. They tend to have the same opinions, but on occasion when he's overstepping, she's the one to hash it out with him. They have a strong relationship.

"How's your modern poetry class going?" Gus asks Charley.

"It's..." He pauses, "Interesting."

"That bad?" Eva asks. Charley majors in Philosophy and Poetry. These are actually his last few classes before he graduates.

He rolls his eyes, "I didn't say it was bad."

"So you like it?" His mom asks. Instead of nodding, he shakes his head. Finding his words, his hand naturally finds his chin as he plays with the light stubble.

"It's just not my style of writing," He re-words, "Kind of weird to be honest."

They all fall silent, concluding the conversation. Eva finishes her food just as fast as Charley. Being both fast eaters, they scarf their meals down and usually leave the table before everyone else.

"So, how did you sleep?" Her mother asks her. Eva looks up from her empty dish to find her Mother's warm eyes.

"It was okay, how about you?"

Her mom sighs, "I stayed up watching tv until...what, like 3 in the morning?"

"Was Oli up too?" Eva asks.

"I think so, I saw the hall light on."

Eva only hums in acknowledgment, not really finding words. It's only a moment of silence before her Mother goes on to tell her about the movie she was watching. Reflecting on what she thought was such an inspiring story. It was a film about the world, it's culture and all the things we could do better.

"Did you know that in Finland, there's no college tuition?" Eleanor exclaims, "But of course in America, every single student is in debt,"

"Including me," Eva adds.

Both of them give a little laugh at the absurdity. 'It really is ridiculous,' Eva thinks to herself. Eventually, Eleanor goes back to finishing her breakfast and Eva silently listens to her brother ramble.

Once Charley finished he had quickly brought his notebook to the table. He pulled out a little packet full of poems and began making his last touches to his assignment. Once he finishes, he slides it back into his bag and grabs his dish.

"Analyzing the poetry is pretty awful, it's nothing like Emily Dickenson," Charley says as he starts cleaning up, "But I do like it when we have discussions about them in class."

"Why's that?" Their dad asks.

Charley continues to wash his dish over the sink before stacking it in the dishwasher, "I don't think anyone else can take the poems seriously either, so it's funny. Plus, all you have to do is raise your hand, say 'I interpreted this to be very self-deprecating', and then the Professor gives you a point, so easy."

"-Sorry for interrupting," Eleanor interjects,  "I have to head out, bingo starts at 1:00. Can you wash the pans too?"

"No need to rush, you know your Mother's never ready on time anyway," Gus comments. Eleanor gives him a sarcastic dry laugh, 'always making jokes about Grandma,' Eva thinks to herself. Her Mom gives her Dad a quick peck on his cheek. She hugs Eva and hurries out the door.

Charley steadily grabs both pans, bringing them to the sink and loading them up with soap. He continues to talk with his dad. Charley muses about his Philosophy courses as usual, and Eva begins to drown them out. She picks up her phone, unlocking it. The first thing she notices is a bunch of texts from her friends she seemed to miss.

Sliding on the notifications, she reads, 'I hope she's ok'. This prompts her to scroll up; whom could they be talking about? She finally gets to the beginning,

'Did you guys hear about Amber?'

'No what happened?'

'it hasn't been 48 hours yet, but her parents think she's missing,'

'holy shit,'

'they said she didn't come home last night and nobody could get ahold of her this morning. Nobody's seen her either,'

"Oh my God," Eva whispers. Her brother and dad both pause their conversation, fixing their attention on her.

"What's wrong?" Her Dad asks.

"Amber Shirley is missing."

Her dad immediately jumps from his seat. As mentioned before, he's a very cautious person. He constantly watches the news, hearing about all the bad things that occur. It only feeds his anxieties but now-- now he has something to actually worry about.

"It's only been like, 20 hours," Eva continues, "But she's not home, nobody knows where she is,"

"Oh God," Her dad sighs, "I should call the Shirley's." He picks up the home phone to dial their number. As he talks to them, she goes back to her phone to anxiously read more texts.

'do you think it was a party?'

'nobody party's that hard on Wednesdays,'

'plus she was commuting'

'you guys I think she was doing drugs,'

'really?'

'why do you say that'

'yea did you hear that from somebody?'

'idk these past few weeks she'd been acting so weird'

'what do you mean?'

'she thought her house was haunted,'

'we all knew that, her house is a bit creepy tbh,'

'no, she legitimately was becoming paranoid. she thought something was trying to kill her,'

'like she even started skipping bio because she wasn't sleeping'

'did her parents know?'

'I think she tried to talk to them, im not sure'

'but she was like really scared you guys, she must've been on something really hard'

'shit'

'that's terrifying'

'I really hope it's not heroin,'

'I hope she's ok'

'me too' Eva sends the quick text.

Now Eva finally catches up, she's even more scared. It's very surreal to have something like a friend go missing. She's never dealt with crime in her life, so it all seemed so far away from her until now. The idea that Amber could be gone is frightening. For once in her life she was nervous to go to classes, and not because of exams.

From the moment she read that Amber was missing, an eerie shiver blew up her spine. Even after trying to hope that Amber was safe, that she was okay, praying she wasn't hurt-- that creepy feeling just won't shake off. Her mind won't stop frenzying over what could have possibly happened, what she could have done or even worse, what someone else could have done to her. The idea that someone dangerous could be walking around the streets of Willow only magnified her anxiety.

She checks the time, 12:25 pm. Her classes start soon, so she begrudgingly pushes herself up the steps to get ready.

"Eva, where are you going?" Her dad calls from the kitchen.

"To get ready for class."

"Ok, but you're not walking home tonight, not with Amber missing,"

She nods her head in agreement, "But who will pick me up?"

"Ask your friends, or take an Uber I guess," He says.

"Sounds good."

She makes her way up the stairs to her room; ridding herself of the saggy sweatpants and worn out black tee. She moves rather slowly. Her brain still in frenzy and her body seemingly rusted. It just didn't feel right today. Studying herself in the mirror, she slowly grazes a hand over her necklace. It's probably the most pretty and most precious thing she owns. It's a family 'hand me down', if you will. She got it as a baptismal gift from her Godmother and hasn't taken it off since. The dainty silver chain and tiny blue jewel can compliment almost all of her wardrobe.

She makes note of the extra windy and rainy weather today. Taking a nice pair of true denim overalls, she slides them over her legs. She finds a thick, cropped pullover that was a baby pink and dresses herself in the fleecy garment. She picks a nice pair of wooly socks, grabs her black rain boots. She twists her hair into a messy bun, before throwing on her matching black raincoat.

She sends a quick text to her friends, 'My dad is talking to the Shirley's rn. I still can't believe she's missing.'

'Same'

'My mom wants to bring them some muffins.'

'I think we should start a search party or something'

(Eva) 'That's a good idea. Also, can any of you give me a ride back home later?'

'Don't think so.'

'I can't!'

'Still don't have my license.'

'Maybe take an Uber?'

(Eva) 'Yeah, sounds like that's what I'm gonna do.'

She makes her way downstairs, seeing her Dad still on her phone and Charley at the dining room table studying. She looks to the kitchen to gratefully see Oliver groggily getting a bowl of Cheerios.

"Morning Oli," She greets while looking for an umbrella. He looks in her direction mumbling a gentle 'hello' back. She finally finds a large umbrella buried in her closet. It has a big wooden staff and a simple brown fabric. She sets it by the front door.

Oliver sits at the table watching YouTube on his IPad, while slowly but surely eating his Cheerios. It's the usual routine for him, he's either asleep when she's awake, or he's on his IPad. She grabs her glass from earlier this morning and refills it. She has a couple of minutes before she has to leave, so she decides to get extra hydrated. Walking to campus and all the way around it can be a little of a workout.

She plops down next to Oli, "So how'd you sleep?" He pauses the video, shifting his attention to her. His black hair is clearly disheveled from just being asleep, his eyes still heavy as well.

"It was fine," He shrugs. He's always been one to downplay his problems. Oliver hates being overwhelmed with everyone else's anxieties, so he tends to be vague, and always calm.

"Could've slept more?" She adds.

"Yeah," It's silent for a moment, "You know, I heard about, uh, Amber,"

Eva forces out a breath, her mind circling back to the fearful subject. It's as if all of a sudden her mouth is dry as a desert. She reaches for her water.

She doesn't really want to talk about Amber unless it's about her being found. She can't stand the nerve-wracking sensation of thinking about her—of where she is, of how bad it is, or if she's even still alive. Her mind just seems to go straight to that place, the extreme yet not so crazy idea that Amber could be in a life or death situation. Not to mention, all that they can do is rely on the police at this point. Talking about her—trying to unearth where she is just from guessing does nothing, like literally—nothing. It's helpless, she... Amber, could even be helpless. They're just frozen in a waiting period, can't do anything about it.

"It's just so scary," Is all she manages to say. She glances at her phone, at 12:43 pm.

"Oh, I need to head out," She gulps down the last of her water. Standing up from her seat, she gives Oli an awkward half-smile. Not really being able to conjure up enough energy to fully smile, or keep a conversation going. Throwing her backpack over her shoulder, she picks up the umbrella and as she's walking towards the door she sees a big, cardboard box just a few feet behind it.

"What's this box for?" Eva asks. She hears some shuffling from the dining room before Charley pops his head in the hallway to see.

"Oh, Dad's going to get the old family videos restored," He responds.

"Nice," Eva smiles at the thought. They definitely have some keepers in there, let me tell you. She recalls once when Oli had brought over a cute girl-- which was entirely rare due to his shyness. But of course, the night he brings her over, Eva, 12 at the time, decided to put on some of the old tapes.  It plays, everyone excited to see what it is-- low and behold, a video from when Oli was 4 and was running around butt-naked with Pokemon cards. 'God', she cringes at the memory, she felt so bad about embarrassing him.

She unlocks the front door, stepping out before calling out, "Bye, love you guys,"

Eva hears a faint murmur of 'bye' and 'love you too' from the men of the house before the loud shut of the door. No longer in the warmth of her home; no longer with the sounds of Charley's pencil writing, Oli's slow Cheerio chewing, or Gus's sympathetic worries being spoken to the phone. She can hear the clear sound of birds chirping, a light patter of rain, and the barely audible sound of the wind in the trees.

She plugs her earbuds into her phone, unfolds her umbrella and begins to walk. The old peaceful streets of Willow generating natural, calm energy. She tries to focus on the music, the scenery, not daring to let her mind drift to the blood-curtling subject of Amber.

She commutes to Bartley University. The small neighborhood she and her family reside in is called Willow, and she's lived there her entire life. She only has to walk a few blocks before she enters the campus grounds. The street she lives on is interesting because while it's very close to a college, for some reason only half of the occupants are students. The other half of the houses are elderly people, mostly Italian in fact. But because of that, she has such friendly neighbors. Her parents got to be close enough with some that they'd the old Italian couples would bring them homemade wine and Pizelles.  

One unfortunate thing she's learned with living in Willow is that most of the sidewalks have uneven foundations. You want to be careful not to drag your feet cause you can very easily trip...which she does all the time. 'Always been clumsy though,' She thinks to herself.

Once she reaches Ryter Street, she turns right into the other many traveling students. And before she knows it, she's passing by the big Lion shaped fountain and enters the History building. As she makes her way down the busy halls, she notices her friend Nora holding a thick stack of papers. And when she looks behind her, she sees a trail of 'Missing: Amber Shirley' posters pinned up on the walls. Right beneath the bold red letters, she sees the picture; Amber's face, plastered all around campus, but the real Amber not anywhere in sight.

Boy, today is going to be tough.

~~

"Don't forget to send me your articles, they need to be peer-reviewed, full text, and strictly correlational!" The Professor calls out. Everyone had begun packing up their items, desperate to get out of here as fast as possible. From all the noise, his voice began to get drowned out. All the kids began to file out of the lecture, and before Eva knew it, she was one of the last few kids left. Normally she's right with the crowd, antsy to get home. Especially since her mother makes the warmest, yummiest food. Her friends tend to get jealous of it actually, since they live in dorms and basically only eat ramen and pizza.

She slowly stands up from her seat. Her mouth feels exceptionally dry again, which is ironic considering how heavily it's pouring outside. She can even hear the bash of thunder from inside the building. Checking her IPhone, 6:30 pm. A few months into this semester, and she's regretting putting all four classes back to back. Ancient Greek History is one hour, Bio 101 is a two-hour long lecture, then she has a Bio Lab, then finally her Psych 101 is only an hour and a half—but still, she's beat.

She opens the Uber app and orders a car. As she waits to see the approximate arrival time, she sits back down into her chair. A constant nervous habit of hers, she starts toying with the little gem on her neck, twisting it between her fingers, sometimes even spinning the chain around her finger.

Approximate Arrival: 6:45 pm.

Right as she's about to head out to the common area, she gets a text from her dad.

'The Police are finally conducting an investigation. They want to talk to you and your friends. What time will you be home?'

(Eva) 'Probably 7:00 pm.

'Okay. Love you. Be safe.'

She sends a quick 'love you too' text back before standing up. She zips up her coat, nice and snug. As she makes it into the halls, she can't help but stare at the floor. Not having the guts to look at Amber's face. It's weird, not being able to control what she's feeling. This new experience is entirely daunting. It's such an unfamiliar emotion to have someone gone from your life that isn't dead yet, nor found yet, just inconclusive of her existence.

She enters the main conversational area, to which she finds is vacant. Usually, it's filled with students due to its comfortable seating arrangements and its beautiful architecture. But here she sees only two students and one janitor. The emptiness she finds rather unsettling, so she plops down on a couch and immediately opens Instagram. As she scrolls through her feed she jumps at the occasional blast of thunder, followed by heavy pounding rain.

As the clock rounds 6:45, she gets a message from her Uber driver:

'Pulled in behind the apartments on 5th'

'I guess the rainfall was causing a lot of flooding down here', she thinks to herself, what other reason would he park over there? The apartments aren't that far, just a block or so. She just prays she doesn't have to walk through any puddles that are deeper than her boots. Extending her umbrella, she pushes open the heavy brass doors and is met with the chaotic weather. Because it's coming around 7:00 pm, the sky is getting pretty dark. She makes her way towards 5th, but once she gets to the building, she can't find a car in sight. There's a couple of parked cars, the occasional slow approaching vehicle, but she can't seem to find this 'grey sedan car'. She messages her driver about 5 times, but her phone says that her messages couldn't be delivered. She tries to call him, but it won't even ring.

That's when the panic kicks in. And oh boy, is it hitting her hard. With her only source of light being the street lamps and her phone screen, everything around her becomes eerie, vague. She's clicking the call button to her Dad, her Mom, her brothers, her friends, but the bars in the corner of her phone are completely empty. Through all the dense rain crashing from the night's sky, she could barely hear a thing. Her breath was becoming heavier as the thunder became deafening, the lack of light and lack of any safety sending her into pure, unadulterated terror. Her hands were shaking, her lips were freezing and the tips of her toes were going numb—she couldn't breathe a full breath and every time her heart beat faster- her lungs gave out more, her mouth was painfully dry and her eyes felt like they were being pried open to stare into the darkness, and the sky unforgivingly beat down upon her and the earth around her.  Suddenly she hears a sharp clink. Her necklace drops to the wet, flooded ground, the moment she frantically bends down to grab it, her fingers barely graze the silver chain before she hears thundering footsteps spiriting toward her.

Next, her body feels as if it's being ripped to pieces, there were scratches; deep-cut, gushing wounds being gouged into her flesh, her skin was white-hot and her nerves were screaming, a loud, piercing pain pulsing into her head, before she could even feel the claws rip through her body, she saw gallons of blood paint the rainwater red, she fell to the concrete, doing the only thing she could instinctively do—scream, a blood-curdling scream, as loud as she can. The last image she sees is a loose paper, destroyed by the rushing water, her peripheral begins to go black, her ears ringing with high-pitched bells, she grasps the paper, her hand crunching directly over Amber's smearing face.

And she softly closes her shuddering eyes, the pain clogging up her body was too much to bear, and she begins to cry--hot tears disappearing into the red-stained rushing water, and she bids goodbye to what she thinks is her last day.

~~

Hey, this is my first post ya’ll, tell me what you think? xoxox I NEED to know if this is intriguing?? Should I post the next few parts? Lemme know

[kylieinwashington]

Monuments & Memorials

OK - I was toooooo tired to finish this last night - so here it is a day late.

Sunday, Nov. 25, 2018

It is almost 11:00 PM and we have been home less than 30 minutes.  We topped 20,000 steps in our quest to see and understand most of the Monuments and Memorials that ring the Mall and/or live close by.

During breakfast this morning the girls - who knows who started it - began singing songs from Hamilton.  It was so cute and went on and on.  Finally we had to began our day so we headed out about 8:45.  We had talked about the amazing gift James Smithson gave to the United States so of course our first outing this AM was to the Smithsonian Castle and James Smithson’s tomb - which looks a lot like a bathtub...

There are currently 17 Smithsonian Museums dedicated to science, history, art and culture and each one more fabulous than the next and free to everyone.  The weather today was glorious.  Sunshine and temps in the high 50 -maybe even the in 60! - had us shedding our coats and enjoying the two meals we shared outdoors today.  (More on our rather crazy outside dinner later!)

From the Smithsonian Castle we walked to the Washington Monument when Charlotte was our teacher.  Prior to our trip, I assigned all the kids the job of learning about a specific monument and being our teacher.  They were all very excited to take the teacher role - and today was the day.  Charlotte was well prepared and excited to present and she carefully positioned us to view the beautiful monument and hear her lecture.

The 555 foot Washington Monument is closed currently -  and indefinitely, according to the sign -  while they try to repair or replace the elevator that has not worked with enough regularity to open it to the public since the 2011 earthquake. It was open 3 years ago when I was here with Colin but closed again shortly after our visit.  Charlotte was a font of information and had our deepest attention.  She was very proud of her “speech” and so were we.

From there we walked to the World War II Memorial.  We prepped the kids with lots of talk of World War II and sent them to speak to one of the many volunteers about several subjects.

They had much work to do in their notebooks and moved around the monuments identifying one feature after another and understanding the symbolism it possessed.

From there we went to Signer’s island, a sweet little island that has the signature of all the 58 signers of the Declaration of Independence.  We talked about the risks these men were taking by signing the document as the action truly was high treason punishable by death.  I asked the kids to make rubbings of several of the signatures and as we did that we talked about who among us would have had the bravery to sign that document.  

The answer was simple - NONE of us.  Yes, if it had been left to the 6 of us, we would still be subjects of England.  Hmmmmm...

A picnic lunch was next and we sat in the magnificent sunshine and ate our lunch we had packed earlier in the day.  Perhaps the most interesting part of lunch were the very friendly Washington DC squirrels.  

Those little suckers KNEW we had food and they saw no reason why we couldn’t just share.  (But we didn’t.)

After lunch and squirrel shooing we headed to the Viet Nam War Memorial.  I CANNOT get through this without tears - no matter how many times I have been there.  We started at the Nurses Memorial statue (which was strewn with long stem roses) and the kids did not disappoint to look, think, reflect and try to understand.  I assured them that however they interpret any sculpture is correct but we pushed them to look deeper and think harder.  They saw the dedication, fear and exhaustion in the eyes of the nurses.  They identified the sandbags but didn’t know why they were there and when we told them they were horrified.  I KNOW these kids got more out of the statue than 99% of all adults who view it.

Next we looked up the names of soldiers on The Wall, one from Ann Arbor, Saline and Boulder, CO and then went to find them.  Moving.  

We talked about the design of the monument and the designer.  But nothing is more impactful that walking that wall and getting deeper and deeper into the list of dead and then actually seeing the name you are searching for - right before your eyes.

We finished this Memorial by visiting the Soldier’s Statues.  Again the kids were very insightful and willing to be pushed pass what you see on the first pass.  I love it.

Next up was The Korean War Memorial.  Here we talked about the United Nations Coalition and the very clever way in which the designer of the monument used the 19 soldiers and the reflective black marble to tell us about the 38th parallel that still divides the Korean Peninsula.  I was born during this hot mess and I am always struck with how long this has continued.  Sadly hate has a long shelf life.  :(

We walked right through the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial because we have big plans for that tonight but I could not miss taking this amazing pic!

Next we walked to the Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial.  I love the way the designer uses water to represent the mood/health of the nation.  I will forever be grateful for all the benefits of the CCC and the WPA.  Brilliant.  We talked about the soup kitchens and the “fireside chats” but mostly we focused on the quotes.  Every single quote holds true today and I wish the leaders of our country would embrace his caring empathic thoughts. 

 I truly enjoyed discussing these quotes with these brilliant young minds and I have hope that maybe their generation can clean up the mess we are are making.  Sigh....

Eleanor Roosevelt was next and we talked about “walking the walk.”  She was the perfect example of this.

Next up was the beautiful Thomas Jefferson Memorial with teacher Kylie.  

She was so excited and did a wonderful job - although she did have us move from the top to the bottom and right back up (our legs were sooooo tired) . The climbing, however was completely relevant and necessary because how else could we see the beautiful and significant frieze on the portico?  Well done!

This ended our major walking tour and all we had to do was jump on the Circulator bus and head to Union Station for dinner and our tour to see the remaining significant monuments.  But we missed the bus by about 3 minutes and had to wait for 27 minutes for the next one.  Then it was the slow roll to Union Station.  Gwynn read that restaurants in Union Station close at 6:00 on Sunday and our tour was a 6:30 and as the bus creeped down the roads the time ticked away.  To make things more stressful the inside lights of the bus stayed on which meant NO ONE could see outside and IF the driver was announcing the stop he was doing it in a tiny whisper - so we had no idea where we were and when we needed to get off.  I kept looking out of the window only to see myself which was NOT helpful.  I  had a map but I needed just ONE POINT OF REFERENCE - (just like the astronauts in Apollo 13!) - and finally Dylan said - Hey there is the Washington Monument!”  Bingo!!!!

We FINALLY arrived at Union Station at 6:01.  The kids are hungry - but not quite HANGRY - but it couldn’t be too far behind.  BUT the food places were open although people were already lining up for our tour we grabbed some food and went outside to wait.  We got food ASAP and headed outside where we ate on something that worked as a table but was NOT a table.

We boarded the bus to this view:

We spent 30 minutes at the MLK Jr Memorial and the kids used every second filling in their books and talking about the amazing quote on the walls surrounding the Memorial.  This makes my heart sing!

We spent an additional 30 minutes at the Lincoln Memorial and believe me that it was NOT enough time.  But what a wonderful time.

Finally, teacher Dylan was up for the Marine Corps Memorial - Iwo Jima.  He was prepared and fabulous.  I was very proud of all of our teachers today - and so were they.

Finally we boarded the Metro and headed “home.”  To say we were tired would be an understatement.

But I can say we had a day filled with education, thoughtful discussion and discovery - and THAT my friends is a day well done.

Stay tuned.

[lowcarbnutrients]

Packing Healthy School Lunches: Top 8 Sanity-Saving Tips

It's unsubstantiated that institution will be beginning quickly. It's a big year in our residence as my earliest kid is beginning kindergarten.

Although an amazing time, back-to-school can additionally be nerve wracking and appear discouraging after a summertime of not actually remaining in a routine or on a limited routine. When talking to other mothers, it seems that school-lunch packing is among the most daunting of back-to-school tasks. Exactly what should you stockpile on in the next number of weeks? What kind of lunchbox makes the many feeling? Is it OK to include a treat? How do you pack a lunch that's fun for your kid, yet also healthy? How in the world am I going to do this without peanut butter? These are some typical questions as well as worries that parents might have.

Here are some sanity-saving tips that will certainly relieve your worries and also give you the self-confidence that ... YOU CAN DO THIS!

1) Establish sensible lunch-packing assumptions on your own:

Try not to become wrapped up in creating the prettiest, funnest or most Pinterest-worthy lunch for your little eaters. Quite frankly, the moment and initiative you put right into this won't likely be met the recognition it is worthy of - children don't appreciate this stuff as long as we believe. As well as who has the time?!

Kids want scrumptious, attractive foods that they have a bit of say in. That's regarding it. Likewise, take the stress off when it involves the sorts of foods you're packing. In other words, don't fret whether every little thing in your child's lunch bag is organic, GMO-free, made from the ground up, 100% unrefined, or locally expanded. That's way excessive stress. Pack entire foods most of the time (remaining meat, eggs, fish, dairy products, fruits, veggies, entire grains) and don't stress and anxiety regarding sending some refined products. A few of my favourite processed foods are individually stuffed cheeses, specific flavoured greek yogurts, bitter fruit sauces, jarred tomato sauces, store-bought hummus, entire grain biscuits, as well as whole grain granola bars. Youngsters don't require perfection, they need a nourishing and tasty lunch.

2) The rule of four:

If anything, attempt to pack a minimum of four various nutritious foods in your child's lunch. I attempt to consist of at the very least one protein-rich food (meat, tuna, eggs, hummus and so on), one calcium-rich food (milk, yogurt, cottage cheese or cheese), some fruits and/or veggies and an entire grain/starch. After you've loaded these four basics, you could pick exactly what you'll add as a fun treat as well as perhaps an 'extra' that could be eaten for snack on the way residence from institution, such as an additional piece of fruit.

3) Believe 'easy' and also 'safe' when it concerns lunch packaging:

Although I like bento-box design lunch sets (I find that it triggers me to add great deals of shade and selection and appears a lot more fun for youngsters), any type of well-insulated lunch bag or set will certainly function. If you locate that your bento boxes are creating you much more anxiety compared to not due to the fact that you're misplacing the insertable containers or covers, don't stress over going back to the basics.

Important To Keep in mind: Subject to spoiling food must stay at room temperature level for no more than 2 hrs, so it's essential that chilly foods stay chilly and also warm foods stay warm. Foods must never ever reach the temperature level 'risk area' of in between 4 levels Celsius as well as 60 levels Celsius, because microorganisms could increase swiftly as well as result in food poisoning.

Foods such as milk products, meats, peeled and also reduced fruits and vegetables, mayo, hummus, eggs, as well as leftovers are all feasible breeding premises for germs and must be maintained in an insulated lunch bag with a frozen ice bag till eaten at lunch time. Since ice bag are meant to maintain chilly foods cool (as well as not cool room temperature foods), it's best to pack and cool lunch items in their containers (and also in the lunch bag) the night before to make sure that you can merely throw a cold pack in the following morning.

For hot foods like chili, covered dishes, soup or stew, make certain to utilize a protected container such as a thermos (and maintain different from cold foods). Before keeping food, fill up the container with boiling water, let it represent a couple of minutes, vacant it and after that add the hot food (keep in mind to heat it till piping hot ahead of time). It's essential that the shielded container be kept shut securely till lunch to assist decrease the risk of temperatures dropping into the 'threat area' where bacterial contamination or development could take place. It's essential to clean lunch kits, containers and also ice bag with warm soapy water daily after school so they are clean and prepared for packing as well as to avoid bacteria growth.

4) Give your kids 'structured selection':

Kids are more likely to eat their lunch if they have a say, nevertheless you as the moms and dad need to keep best control over just what your youngster is served (your kid supervises of whether as well as how much she consumes though). This is why I like providing my kids 'organized choice.'

Whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner, I let my children choose between 2 or three products of my choosing.

For instance, I will provide my son 2 dip options to select his veggies: 'would you like cattle ranch clothing OR hummus to opt for your veggies?' Or I will ask him if he'd like yogurt OR cottage cheese with his fruit for treat. Offering kids open-ended option: 'what would certainly you such as for lunch' places THEM accountable, which results in mayhem and also a separate in the department of obligation of feeding. It can also cause more discerning consuming tendencies, and also can make your life a lot a lot more difficult.

5) Have a go-to list:

Having a checklist of best foods that you can describe when loading lunches (and stocking your refrigerator and kitchen) is vital. This list doesn't should be expensive, but consist of a good selection of nutritious and also simple food options. Here's a listing of Dietitian-approved lunchbox staples, and YMC's allergy blog writer, Alexandria Durrell also produced a great checklist of allergy-friendly lunchbox items to pick from.

6) Take healthy short-cuts:

There's absolutely nothing incorrect with purchasing pre-cut and also washed raw veggies or pre-washed as well as cut boxed salad mixes if it makes your life easier and raises the opportunities of you loading fruits and veggies. Loading some nourishing but refined products such as nitrate-free delicatessens meat, individually wrapped cheeses or yogurts, fruit sauce containers, whole grain cereal in a baggy or entire grain biscuits is totally great. Provide on your own a break, as well as don't worry if your child's lunch isn't picture perfect.

7) Don't stress and anxiety concerning sending out the same thing over and also over once more:

Monotony isn't always a bad point. As long as you're sending out a wonderful variety of nourishing foods in your child's lunch (likewise giving selection throughout the day and week) as well as change things up from time to time to prevent boredom, it's all good. Simply like I like to have oat meal every day for breakfast, it's ok to send out the same turkey, cheese and lettuce sandwich most days in your child's lunch also. Simply send along some vibrant fruits and veggies and a yogurt also!

8) Make things enjoyable in a straightforward means:

Instead of simply sending apple slices, sprinkle cinnamon on them and provide a number of tbsps of vanilla pumpkin dip (pumpkin seed butter combined with vanilla greek yogurt). And also instead of reducing cucumber into disks like you usually do, reduced them into dices or strips rather and also add cattle ranch dressing to dip. Voila-FUN! It doesn't take Pinterest-worthy lunches to make them enjoyable as well as edible. Simple adjustments can flavor things for our kids a lot more than you recognize.

YOU'VE OBTAINED THIS. Delighted packing!!

Visit Sarah's Facebook web page for cost-free day-to-day nutrition and feeding pointers, sources and also guidance that's practical and credible

[harleyquilt]

The Sin of Greed (4/??)

Summary: After waking up in Kaneki’s manor, she finds him asking her out for a special day of getting to know to one another better. However, things get escalated real quick on this simple outing…  

Words: 5,778

Notes: I can’t say I’m too confident with this chapter at all, so feedback would be greatly appreciated! Besides that, thank you all for the wonderful feedback so far, it means so much and I really hope I don’t ruin this series for everyone. I hope you enjoy~

Touka awoke to someone poking her cheek, grunting in her sleep as she tried to swat away the person besides her. When her now opened eyes focused on the giggling figure besides her, she noticed it was Hinami. She leaned against the bed and rested her head on her arms, cocking her head to one side with a bright smile.

Damn, she was so innocent it hurt.

“Good morning, Touka!” Hinami said cheerfully whilst the maids came into the room and opened the curtains, Touka wincing at the bright sunlight that flooded into the room. “You seemed to have been exhausted. You slept for ages and you even missed breakfast! Though big brother strictly told us not to wake you.”

Touka sat up and rubbed her head, a dull throbbing headache pulsating from the bruise on her head. Grimacing, she leaned back into her pillows, watching Hinami take a silver tray from the bedside table and placed it carefully onto Touka’s lap.

“I did you the courtesy of bringing some food to you.” Hinami gestured towards the different plates of food set out besides her, Touka’s eyes widening at the various dishes on display. “Eat what you can, you don’t need to eat it all.”

It stunned Touka to see so much luxurious food, from smoked salmon to a buttered croissant, other options of granola and fruit with slices of toasts next to different types of spreads she could use. There was an iced drink of orange juice at one corner besides two small pills and a small vase with an orchid in the other.

“W-Wow.” Touka blinked hard, somehow not exactly believing she could ever see such a meal before her on a literal silver platter. “This is…overwhelming.”

“I’m not surprised.” Hinami laughed, walking around the bed to her other side, pointing at the pills near the drink. “That’s for the headache. That bruise looks awful, but we can get out medic to help-”

Her attention then caught the small rabbit plush next to her, her voice trailing off and her smile fell. She picked it up and smoothed her thumb over the soft material, an almost sad look replacing the cheerful one she wore before. Just like last night…

“Ah, excuse me.” Hinami coughed and forced out a smile. “I’ll let you eat. Let me know if you need anything, Touka.”

And just like that, she was gone with the maid, leaving Touka alone with all this unnecessary amount of food. She wished she could share it with the other children and Ayato back at home, but it wasn’t like she could carry it with her. With her stomach rumbling, she began to ate as much as she could, but no matter how much she tried to finish it all off out of guilt of wasting food, she was still left with at least a plate full of food.

“This is impossible.” Touka groaned, patting her full stomach. “How do they even eat all this…”

It was then she took a moment to just sit back and relax, taking in the silence around her and she thought back to everything that occurred in such a short amount of time. It was almost ridiculous how much had happened and yet here she was, still alive and breathing but also in the same place as she was in that day she made that deal with Kaneki. It made her question if she would be able to even escape her fate at this point.

“I wonder what I’m going to have to do next.” Touka pondered to herself. “Perhaps I don’t even want to know.”

Shaking her head, she got up and pulled on a dressing gown that was hung up behind the bathroom door, glancing towards the clock to see it was already nearly eleven in the morning. It was then her phone began to rang and she quickly dug into her bag and picked it up.

“Where the fuck are you?” Ayato yelled into the speaker, Touka holding the phone away a little. “You didn’t come back last night and you didn’t even think to call.”

“I’m sorry, ok?” She sat down onto the edge of the bed, tightening her robe around her. “I lost track of time, but there’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine.”

“Fine?” Ayato scoffed. “Ever since this whole thing started, being ‘fine’ hasn’t even been an option.” She couldn’t deny his words, but she remained silent as he took a moment to calm down. “So, how did it go? He didn’t give you any trouble, did he?”

“Who? The One Eyed King?” As she mentioned him, images of last night appeared in mind again - the way he kissed her hand, the feeling of his hungry gaze taking her in, his arm wrapped around her waist. “No…trouble, I guess.”

“That doesn’t sound reassuring.”

“That’s because you’re always paranoid.” She was glad he wasn’t here to see the blush formed on her cheeks. “I’ll probably be back later, but if not, I promise I’ll let you know.”

“I don’t like this, Touka.” He admitted, his voice now quieter but filled with knowing dread. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Her hand wandered back to her bruise and she grimaced at his words, shutting her eyes momentarily to try to shut out the deep sadness she felt; Her and Ayato have never been apart, not once, ever since their mother and father were murdered and now they’re facing this awkward situation where they are forced away from one another. God knows how she would’ve felt if Ayato were to be in her place. She doesn’t want to know.

“I won’t, you baby.” Touka teased, her spare hand twisting around the sash from her gown. “I’m going to see if I can leave now, but if not, I will try again later.”

“You’re like a prisoner there.” He grumbled. “I’m going to go over to that bastard’s place and give him-”

“No! For once restrain yourself.”

“But-”

“No.” Touka sighed, though she knew he wasn’t serious…or was he? “I’m going to go now. See you later, Ayato.”

Instead of a response, he simply hung up, Touka glaring at her phone at the sheer rudeness of her brother. It doesn’t matter.

Tossing aside her phone, she got up again and decided to reenter the marvellous spectacle that was her wardrobe. She picked out a sundress that was a light, baby blue with a thick, brown belt around her waist. Pulling on a short white cardigan, she slipped on some sandals and walked out of the room whilst brushing her hair back into a small ponytail at the back.

Outside her room, as she closed her door, she noticed the door opposite was opened ajar, Touka curiously taking a peek inside until she realised she had seen this room before. After all, it was the room she found herself in on the night she had planned to steal from this place she now stayed in.

“That bastard.” Touka hissed under her breath. “He did this on purpose.”

“You’re not planning to steal from there again, are you?” Miza stood a small distance away, her arms crossed and a smug smile across her face. “I came to check up on you, but it seems you’re fine on your own.”

“I am an adult.” Touka straightened, Miza shrugging and headed back down the hallway, calling for Touka to follow. “The King has requested an…outing of sorts with you today.”

“Another mission?”

“No quite. From what he said, he wanted to get to know you a little more.” Miza turned her head slightly, a wide grin on her face. “You’ve certainly caught his interest.”

“I don’t care.” Touka shook her head and gnawed at the bottom on her lip. “I have no interest in joining the, what I presume to be, long line of women that he’s wooed in the past. I’m not that kind of girl.”

“You say so,” Miza turned to face Touka this time, her brows raised. “But I’ve never seen him so infatuated with someone as he is with you. You should’ve seen him the first night you decided to visit.”

“Infatuated? I wouldn’t say that’s the most accurate word.” Touka mumbled, her curiosity peaked upon hearing Miza’s words. “W-What was he…”

“What was he like the night you first met?” Miza chuckled when Touka nodded slightly, her head turned away. “Well, why don’t you ask him yourself?”

They stopped abruptly by the banister connected to the stairs, Touka leaning over to see the front door open with Kaneki, Nishiki, Naki and Tsukiyama all walk in along with a few other members. However, it was Kaneki’s appearance that really caught Touka’s attention - he was dressed in a long black trench coat, a dark shirt and black waistcoat underneath with pinstripe trousers and red, leather gloves. His hair, surprisingly enough, was down with his bangs casted over his round glasses. Touka felt a chill when she took in this new look on him, a more sadistic and sinister aura surrounding him.

After he gave the order for his lackeys to leave, he looked up and caught Touka’s eyes, offering the usual cocky smile he always wore, but her stomach churned when she saw a smear of blood across his cheek. Touka quickly looked away, clenching her stomach and started to walk away from everyone.

“Wait, little bunny!” Kaneki called, Touka pausing with an agitated grunt.

“I don’t want to even look at you.” Touka yelled back, forcing herself to face him again. “I’m leaving.”

“Now, now, Touka.” Kaneki chuckled as he pulled off one of his gloves. “There’s this particular café I want to show you.”

“Like I care.”

“Ouch.” Miza laughed. “Give him a chance at least.”

“Mademoiselle.” Tsukiyama’s brow twitched and he placed a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, who only shrugged him off in return. “Our King has offered you a generous offer of his company.”

“It’s not like you have a choice.” Nishiki added with a smirk. “You’re under his control now-”

Kaneki raised a hand and everyone fell into silence and he slowly took off his other glove as he started to head up the stairs. Touka crossed her arms and felt the compulsive need to walk away, but remained in place, despite what she said only moments ago.

“I won’t force you if you really don’t want to.” Kaneki spoke softly. “But it would be my great pleasure to treat you after the hard work from last night.”

He stood inches away, Touka biting the inside of her cheek as she continued to stare at the ground, shaking her head. With a small pout, he stepped even closer and lifted her face gently, Touka holding in her breath with his eyes locked on hers.

“Don’t be afraid to look at me.” Kaneki smiled, his thumb rubbing small circles against her cheek.

His voice…was this really just a game to him? He sounded so sincere, but it wasn’t like he could be trusted. Then again, after everything he had done already and the words Miza spoke not too long ago, it left Touka questioning her own thoughts on him. However, her eyes then wandered to the dried blood on his face and reality came crashing back down to her.

“I’m not.” Touka pulled herself away and walked past him, hugging herself. “Wipe the blood off your face. It’s disgusting.”

“Is that a yes then?” Touka hesitated before she responded with a quick nod.

“It better be worth it.”

“Good.” He rests his hands on her shoulders, his lips pressed against her ear and her eyes fluttered closed. “I have some business to attend to, but I won’t be long.”

“W-Whatever.” She shrugged him off. “Hurry up. I want to go home soon.”

He hurried back down the steps and the others followed behind, including Miza, and Touka was left alone in the entry hall. She stood there awkwardly, her hand rested over her rapidly beating heart as she tried to calm herself. She hated feeling this way around a man like him, but at the same time, her own racing thoughts told her a different story.

Checking the time, she decided there was some time to spare and chose to do what she could do best - poke around the house for a while. She goes down the the first hallway next to the stairs, making her way past a large dining hall, kitchen, living area and finally found herself at a different room near the end.

Peeking inside, she found that the room was surprisingly bare, the furniture covered in white sheets and the pictures that she assumed would’ve hung on the walls were taken down and leaned against the wall. One of these many pictures was placed onto the bed at the far end of the room and when Touka neared it, she saw that it was of two people, a tall man besides a shorter woman, both of their faces scratched out with a black marker of sorts.

“If you keep snooping into other people’s business, you’re going to find something you’ll regret.” The sound of Tsukiyama’s voice startled Touka and she jumped a little whilst he walked into the room.

“Who’s room was this?” Touka asked, her eyes taking in the rest of the room. Despite the dim lighting and thick layer of dust that covered everything, it seemed to be quite a luxurious room.

“Didn’t you just hear what I said?” Tsukiyama shook his head and neared Touka. “Some secrets are better to be kept hidden.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to know a little more about the man I’m working with.”

“Ah, but curiosity killed the cat.” He leaned over her, a smug grin across his face. “Or should I say bunny?”

Touka narrowed her eyes and shoved past him, but he caught her arm, holding her back. Despite her struggle, he held a firm grip around her arm, her other hand clenching into a fist.

“If you hurt my King,” he whispered into her ear, his hushed voice filled with hostility and the promise of danger. “I’ll hunt you down and make you suffer-”

“Just try.” Touka snapped, snarling at the man before her. “Don’t underestimate me, pretty boy.”

He was about to speak again, the anger now clear on his usually smiling face, but the door opened and they both turned to a camera flashing. A little girl, probably a child, lowered the camera from her face with a curious look and Touka heard Tsukiyama tut behind her before he let go.

“Tsukiyama, Kaneki warned you about hurting guests.” The little girl scolded, but she didn’t seem all that concerned.

“Miss Chie, I’m only reminding our little guest of her place.”

Chie? As in the hacker, Chie Hori, Nishiki spoke of yesterday. This…kid?

“Nice to meet you, Touka.” Hori nodded. “Now, Tsukiyama, I can’t reach a branch outside. Help.”

“Get one of the servants.”

“No.”

“Miss Chie-”

“I’ll show him the picture.” Tsukiyama cursed beneath his breath and then sighed, nodding to Hori. “Good. Come on now.”

Touka watched with some satisfaction Tsukiyama leave reluctantly and remained in place, looking back down to the ruined painting. Despite his threats, Tsukiyama may have been right on how some secrets should stay buried.

“Sorry if he’s a bother.” Kaneki stood in the doorway with a sympathetic smile. “Come now, Touka. We don’t want to be late for lunch.”

He offered her a hand, but she walked past, avoiding his eyes and he followed behind until they reached the front entrance. Kaneki had changed to a simple white shirt, black jacket and jeans. It was surprising to see him so casual after all his well made, expensive clothes from before. They walked towards a different car and he sat down in the driver’s seat, Touka giving him a weird look when she slipped into the passenger seat.

“What’s wrong?” Kaneki asked as he started the car.

“I just…don’t you usually have some driver in a limo or something?”

“I thought it’d be better if it were just the two of us.” Kaneki beamed, turning the car towards the gates that opened automatically. “Allow us to get to know eachother better.”

They drive for some time in complete silence, Touka staring out to the passing streets as an attempt to distract herself from the fact that she was actually sitting besides a mafia boss and about to have lunch with him. He confused her so much; whilst on one side of him, he held so much violence and anger, the other was more lighthearted and gentle. His whole persona was shrouded in mystery and yet she couldn’t help but be drawn towards him. She hated him and yet she remained near him. This dissonance within her never seemed to end.

They soon arrived at their destination, parking in front of a row of different restaurants, souvenir shops and cafes. The area seemed small but peaceful, a tranquil aura that surrounded the pretty scenery. Kaneki took her to one particular cafe with the name ‘Re’ and when they entered the shop, Touka immediately smelled the sweet fragrance of coffee that brought back a sense of bittersweet nostalgia within her.

The cafe itself was a cosy area, with bookshelves across the walls above the tables, a large chalkboard behind the wooden counter with different orders scrawled across it. Beside the chalkboard were more shelves filled with different coffee beans and other ornaments that gave the place a more homely image. They took a seat on one of the tables in the corner of the cafe besides the window that looked out to the streets outside and were given their menus.

“This place is…” Touka said, still admiring her surroundings. “Breathtaking.”

“It is.” Kaneki agreed, placing his menu aside. “It reminds me of my more younger years. I once visited a café much like this some years ago. They brewed the best coffee.”

“This place does give me some nostalgia.” Touka thought for a moment and it almost did seem like she had visited a place similar to this one.

“Anteiku, it was called.” Touka froze and lifted her head to stare at Kaneki, whose eyes were still set on her. “What’s wrong?”

“I…remember that name.” Touka narrowed her eyes in concentration.

“Perhaps you also visited that place.”

“I can’t remember.”

“No worries.” Kaneki smiled. “Do you want to order?”

Touka ordered only for the coffee and homemade cheesecake, considering she was still pretty full from her breakfast, whilst Kaneki asked for coffee.

“Tell me, Touka.” Kaneki took a sip of the coffee, his eyes examining her. “How long have you been a thief?”

“Nearly five years now, after my parents died when I was sixteen.” Touka poked the cheesecake, her brows furrowed at the memories of her old life. “It was the only life I could turn to, after all.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He turned away, staring out the window. “That must’ve been hard for both you and your brother.”

“It was. Though I doubt you would actually care - someone as sadistic as you enjoys taking lives away.” Touka scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Funnily enough, it was the mafia that took away the lives of my parents in the first place.”

“That was a long time ago with different people controlling the mafia and besides, I personally do not kill without reason.” He stared off to the distance and lifted his hand, cracking a finger and Touka felt a sudden chill run through her. “I’ll only pluck those that threaten the lives of those close to me.”

There was something within his tone that suggested to Touka that there was more to his past than meets the eye, but she wasn’t exactly sure if she wanted to pry.

“What about you?” Touka decided to change the subject. “How long have you been a part of the mafia?”

“Almost nine years now, but I’ve been a leader for only three.”

“And your old leader?”

“Dead.” He said simply, taking another drink of his coffee. “Don’t think I don’t know what it is to lose people, Touka. Even I feel pain.”

She didn’t respond and instead remained silent as she finished her cake, but despite her silence, she wanted to ask more - she wanted to know who this man was, even if he hid himself within his own shadows.

“What’s with that look, my little bunny?” Kaneki chuckled and he pushed his mug aside, leaning forward. “You seem deep in thought.”

“I’m just curious about you. I want to know how you became the way you did. Something suggests to me that you weren’t always this…cold.”

He offered a sad smile of sorts and placed his hand over hers and though she felt her cheeks heat up, she didn’t reject him as she usually did. His hands were warm against hers, his touch light and it sent shivers through her. It felt…nice.

“Perhaps what you say is true.” Kaneki said quietly, his eyes locked onto hers. “I wouldn’t mind sharing if it’s with you.”

“Why?”

“Because…there’s something about you I’m drawn to.” He squeezed her hand and raised his over to brush away her hair. “Every time you’re near, I feel like I can relax and smile, even if just a little. You make me happy.”

“We’ve barely just met.” Touka leaned back and looked away, but Kaneki instead cupped her face and made her face him, her lips parted and eyes wide.

“Don’t lie and tell me you don’t feel something too. You don’t need to try to hide yourself from me.” She placed her hands on top of his and he rubbed his thumb over her cheeks. “You’re so beautiful like this, Touka.”

“S-Shut up.” She stuttered and pulled herself away from his grasp, much to his disappointment. “This is crazy…”

“Maybe that’s not exactly a bad thing.” He grinned. “You mean a lot to me, Touka.”

She would’ve asked the reason behind his words if she wasn’t so certain that his answer would be less than vague. How was she even meant to feel about any of this?

Once Kaneki paid for the meal, they left the café and started to walk down the street, side by side. She noticed him glance at her every so often and their hands almost touch more than a few times, Touka trying hard to avoid her own temptations and kept some distance.

They go through a nearby park, an area filled with a burst of colourful flowers that surrounded the crystal blue lake in the centre, a white gazebo nearby with willows that hung over the water’s surface. A few children played near the lake, feeding the swans and ducks that swam around.

“I wanted to know.” Touka began, fidgeting with her hands. “Why did you join the mafia? I mean, growing up, I despised them, especially after learning that both my parents were murdered by them. In my eyes, they’re nothing but monsters, so what would make you want to become a part of such a world?”

He stopped in his steps and Touka waited for his answer. He looked up for a moment, sighing as he took a moment to think of what to say.

“Someone asked me to.” He finally confessed, facing Touka once again. “Yes, I think that was the reason.”

“Someone?”

“A woman.” He winced a little, shoving his hands back into his pockets. “But I must admit, looking back, I wish I had decided against it that day I agreed to her proposition. It’s brought me nothing but pain since then.”

Touka stood awkwardly in place, taking in his words in silence - a woman…someone who, in his younger years, probably loved enough to do such a thing. And yet, there was pain in his voice as he spoke, a deep a regret neither of them could deny. He may be the leader of Goat, but if she were to take a guess, this wasn’t a life he actually asked for. In the end, he was just like her - pushed into a life that forced them to change to survive.

“I was naive then.” Kaneki laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “But it can’t be helped now. What’s done is-”

Touka took a step closer and brushed his hair back, Kaneki tensing at the feeling of her touch whilst he gazed into her curious eyes. Her hand moved down to caress his cheek and he leaned into her touch, breathing heavily with his lips quivering.

“Are you sure about that?” Touka asked quietly. “You carry nothing but regret and pain with you. You hate being a part of all this, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer and instead pressed his lips together, but Touka leaned up and kissed his cheek, Kaneki flinching a little before his hands grabbed her hips, stopping her from moving away.

“Don’t go.” He whispered, his hands moving to wrap around her waist and she gripped his shoulders, eyes half lidded. “Please don’t go.”

“Kaneki…”

He lowered his head and his lips brushed lightly against hers, her eyes falling shut as she gave him a gentle kiss. They parted briefly before Kaneki pressed his lips firmly against hers, his hold on her tightening and her arms moved to wrap around his neck, their kisses turning quick and desperate.

“Don’t leave me, Touka.” He said between kisses, trailing them across her jaw and down her throat. “If you did- I wouldn’t-”

“It’s ok.” Touka pulled back, bringing his face back up and giving him another long kiss. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It was then he smiled this beautiful smile, his eyes lit up with newfound joy and his smile holding nothing but a searing love that riveted through them both. Even with the things he does, deep down, he was still a lonely child. Her thoughts on him still remained conflicted, but for now, all she could think of was the beautiful expression he wore for her. For her.

“Come, let’s go back to the mansion.” Kaneki started to lead her away, holding her hand tightly in his. “It’s getting chilly here.”

They went back to the car and as they neared it, Touka felt the uncomfortable feeling of eyes on her. She turned around, her eyes carefully watching the other people that walked past her, but wasn’t able to notice anything suspicious. Kaneki called her over and Touka looked around once more before cautiously turning back.

Then, right in front of her, she saw a man with raven hair towering over her. He had an almost crazed look as he lifted a gun and Touka froze in place, her mind going blank. However, she quickly came back to her senses and leaped away just when he pulled the trigger. The crowd of people started to scream and began to ran away from the gunfire, shoving Touka as they ran pass. She fell to the ground and the man pressed his foot against her head, raising his gun again for the next shot.

Another shot fired, but it wasn’t from the stranger’s gun.

Touka’s eyes widened when she saw Kaneki stood beside his car, his own gun raised and a furious look of rage that clouded his eyes. She managed to scramble away from her position and dashed towards Kaneki, glancing back to see the man was wounded - blood streamed down his shoulder and he dropped his gun, his eyes now replaced with fear. He started to run off and Kaneki continued to shoot, but Touka forced his hand down before he continued.

“No, Kaneki.” Touka gasped as he tried to push her aside. “Leave it.”

“How could I?!” He yelled, his angry gaze now directed at her. “He was going to kill you. I’ll make him pay. I’ll make him suffer and bleed to death-”

“Kaneki!” She cupped his face and forced him to face her. “Don’t do this.”

He was panting, his body shaking but as he continued to watch her nervous expression, he started to relax, his anger easing up. He brushed the back of his fingers against her now dirtied cheek, a sorrowful look replacing the rage-filled one he wore moments ago.

“I’m sorry.” He pressed his head against hers. “I’ll make him pay.”

“No, Kaneki. Let’s just go home.”

After another moment of hesitation, he nods and gives in to her words. They drive away quickly and Touka noticed that they were going down a different direction than the one they took before. Eventually, she found herself in a more darker, gloomy area, the narrow streets surrounded with tall buildings with flashing neon signs that loomed over the crowds of hookers, dealers and gangs below.

“Where are we going, Kaneki?” Touka asked, pressing her shaking hands into her lap.

“It seemed that we were followed back near the café so as a precaution,” Kaneki’s hands tightened around the wheel. “We’ll just be staying around an associate’s place until I call for backup.”

They eventually stopped next to a building that Touka first assumed were apartments until she saw a group of skimpy dressed women with faces caked with makeup near the entrance, wooing the men that passed by.

They both got out of the car, the women immediately calling over for Kaneki as he waited for Touka to come up besides him, taking her hand into his. He ignored the women in tight short skirts and low cut dresses and moved to the alleyway besides the building, knocking twice at the backdoor before someone opened it for him. Touka clung to Kaneki’s arm when they stepped into the building.

Inside was stuffy and humid, the room smelling of sickeningly sweet perfume, different dressers with makeup and jewellery that messily covered the table, corsets and other garments thrown across the seats.

Across the room stood a woman with long, purple hair tied up into a messy bun, her face attractive with dark shades of makeup to add to the already lust filled expression she wore. Her outfit was of a dark violet, silk kimono wrapped around her loosely, the trail decorated with different patterns of blossoms across it. Her cleavage and long slender legs were what really caught Touka, and probably everyone else’s, attention though.

“Kaneki!” The woman beamed and sauntered over to him, wrapping her arms around him and planted a kiss onto his cheek. “You never visit me anymore.”

Touka tensed up, watching Kaneki grow flustered as he awkwardly tried to push her away, the woman’s hands moving down his arms before she laced her fingers through his. She side-glanced Touka and grinned, pressing her body against Kaneki’s as he bashfully smiled at the woman that hung off him.

“To what pleasures do I owe you?” The woman asked and Kaneki finally removed himself from her, but when he reached for Touka, she stepped away, giving Kaneki a hard look.

“We need to stay here for the night. Some trouble with some guys and I don’t want to risk leading them back to the mansion.” His eyes never left Touka, even if she refused to look back at him. “I hope that’s no issue, Rize.”

“And leading them here is fine?” Rize gasped with false concern. “I guess you can always return the favour on a later date-”

“Good.” Touka’s nails dug into her palm, her voice low. “Where will we be sleeping?”

They are shown into a spare room, the room filled with a sweet aroma, despite the appearance of a dingy looking bed, peeling wallpaper and stained carpets. It can’t be helped.

Once Kaneki shut the door, he went towards Touka who stood near the window, but she brushed him off coldly and stepped away. His face fell into a wounded look as if he was the one being hurt by all this. Touka rubbed her tired eyes and kept them to the ground.

“How dare you.” Touka’s voice quivered. “How dare you use me like that.”

“I didn’t use you-”

“Don’t you even try to lie to me.” Touka snapped. “I saw that lovelorn look you gave her. And to think I was someone special.” She snorted, turning her back to him once again. “I’m just another pretty girl to you, aren’t I?”

“It’s not like that.” Kaneki protested, placing his hands on her shoulder but she shoved him away and against the wall, her arm against his throat.

“I guess I really am an idiot. After all that grooming and flattery, I became blind to the truth.” Touka glared at his almost hurtful eyes. “Once we’re back at the mansion, I’m leaving and I don’t want to see you again.”

She stepped back and Kaneki reached out weakly towards her. He opened his mouth to speak but it shut almost immediately. There was nothing else to be said.

“Touka, please.” He kept his distance whilst she started to remove her cardigan. “It’s not as it seems.”

Instead of responding, Touka simply shook her head with some sad laughter. Even now he was trying to justify himself.

“She’s just…an old friend.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“This is different.” He turned her around and kept a firm grip on her, despite her struggles. “Since I’ve met you, I’ve had eyes for no other woman than you. Rize and I just have some history.”

Touka didn’t want to look at him, but even now, his touch sent her heart fluttering. She hated herself for falling for such a man, she hated herself for believing she was someone different in his life, she hated herself for feeling such things towards a bastard like him. Even now, she can’t seem to escape him, despite all her struggles.

“Just leave me alone.” Touka hissed. “Fuck off back to your bitch and leave me alone!”

With every word she spoke, Kaneki’s grip loosened and he let go of her with a defeated expression, watching her walk away from him as he sat down onto the bed. Frustrated, he kicked the ground and buried his face into his hands. Touka watched with some dread before she lay down onto one side of the bed with her back turned to him.

This was just all fucked up - how could this day go so wrong? It started with so much bliss and honesty and ended with hurtful lies and danger. It almost felt like a lifetime has passed with nothing but darkness looming ahead. For now, though, all Touka wanted, what she needed, was to sleep.

To sleep and forget everything.

[westywrites]

Story with Gods - Chp 2

A while ago I shared the current version of the first chapter of my WIP, this week I have decided to post the second chapter in celebration of the fact that this blog is quickly approaching 200 followers (which blows my mind). Everything that is happening here will make much more sense if you go read the first chapter first. Anyways, thank you all, and I hope you enjoy!

Warnings for: death, lots of death and talking about death, starvation, other associated potentially disturbing content

NEXT

"What are you doing?" Phil's face was filled with concerned anger as Sophia gave Quentin her water and toast.

"He's sick,” she responded plainly. "He needs it more than I do right now." The others found themselves agreeing with her until they saw how her hands shook. But it was too late, and that day at lunch there were only seven containers. Sophia dutifully helped Quentin eat and refused the offers of anyone else's food. She didn't want anyone to have their food taken away, she could live without one meal. Throughout the day Quentin seemed to improve. By supper, he was sitting on his own again, and he wouldn't shut up about how indebted he was to Sophia.

"It's no big deal,” she said smiling. "If there's any way to help someone I always will." When supper came, Olivia grabbed three containers as she always did and brought them over to Sophia and Quentin so the three of them could eat together. However, before she could sit down, Karen called her name.

"How many containers do you have?" she demanded.

"One for Sophia, one for Quentin, and one for myself." Olivia shrugged, her voice rang harsh and empty when she addressed anyone but Sophia. "Why?"

"There aren't enough containers," Karen responded in a hushed voice. "We're one short."

"I think I'm still being punished." Sophia had stood up behind Olivia without them noticing.

"Seriously?" Phil exclaimed. "This is an outrage."

"It's ok, I'll be fine," Sophia assured them. "No one else needs to have their food taken away." No matter how many times someone tried to force her to eat, Sophia refused, and eventually, they found themselves giving up. Each ate their meagre portions and went back to their hushed and forced conversations. That night Sophia fell asleep long before everyone else.

"Guys," Olivia said once Sophia was asleep, "Sophia is the kind of person would kill herself for any one of us. If she doesn't get food in the morning we have to force her to eat." Olivia was worried and scared, and for the first time, she let everyone see it. "She's just pretending to be fine. Earlier when she went to use the washroom, she had to lean against the wall the entire way, and she still looked like she was gonna pass out."

"We can try, but she's stubborn." Jen sighed. "I'm not sure we can force her."

"I owe her,” Quentin admitted. "I may be able to get her to eat if you help me, Olivia. You two seem to be really good friends maybe she'll listen to us."

"Thanks, guys." Olivia sat down again, next to Sophia. They all slept uncomfortably through the night. Come morning as everyone woke up they began to grow concerned. They had no way to tell the time, but they were very sure that breakfast usually came earlier. There was no sign of food or an announcement for hours. They took to begging and yelling at the announcer for answers. Sophia urged them all to calm down, they would never get food if they behaved like that.

"It's been a full day since you've eaten,” Isaiah reminded her rather aggressively. "How can you still be so calm?"

"We have no choice. If we want to survive, we have to behave how this guy wants us to behave. We still have no idea what's going on, and it's been over three weeks. We all have people to miss us, and they'll find us eventually we just have to cooperate and survive until then." Sophia ranted for a while longer, repeating that they could survive and that they had to stay calm. She was somewhat surprised when the others remained upset. Perhaps, she thought, people were not as easy to persuade when they were so close to dying.

"Talk about hypocrisy." Quentin glared at her. "You broke the rules, you gave up your food to help me. Now we’re trying to do that same for you, and you keep telling us not to."

"You were sick, I'm fine." Her face remained perfectly emotionless. "It's as simple as that." That was the end of any conversation with Sophia, she sat staring at a wall, she wouldn't move, and she wouldn't respond in any way. Her eyes seemed to have lost their light and if not for the movement of her breath you'd have thought she was dead.

An announcement came on at lunch. As usual, it said the time and to come and get the containers. However this time no containers came out, only water bottles. Only seven water bottles, each about half full. Immediately Anthony and Karen started drinking. Everyone was dehydrated and the cool liquid felt like heaven in their dry mouths.

"Wait. Don't drink it all,” Olivia warned. "It's really strange that they'd give us water if they aren't gonna feed us. I think something weird is going on."

"Well maybe Sophia's right, and they just don't want us to die." Phil shrugged as he drank some more. No matter what Olivia said, the others didn't listen. Quentin was over by Sophia trying to get her to drink some water. She didn't respond.

"C'mon Sophia. Why won't you drink?" He begged her. "Aren't you the one going on about surviving? You need to drink to survive."

"So do you," She whispered without moving.

"Soph, don't be an idiot." Olivia crouched down on the other side of her. "He's had more to drink than you, you haven't had anything since yesterday morning." Sophia just stared blankly, without warning Olivia slapped her across the face. "I don’t want you to die, ok? It took me goddamn long enough to decide I don’t want to die and now we’re here and just... I really don’t want you to die goddamnit.” A shallow breath shuddered through her. “I’m scared.” She paused. “Take a mouthful of my water,” she demanded. Sophia whimpered and took the bottle. They sat there in silence. Within a couple of hours, everyone but Olivia had finished their water. A few hours after that was supper time and when that came and passed with nothing, everyone looked to Olivia.

"How'd you know they weren't gonna give us any more?" Karen accused.

"Look, as I said then, I just thought it was suspicious." Olivia shrugged, once again appearing emotionless. "I have good instincts for that kind of thing."

"Well, now you've got to share. If they aren't going to give us any more, there's no reason not to." Karen stepped forward.

"You should have listened to me then. I'm sorry, but this is my water. There's not even enough here for everyone to get a mouthful." Olivia held her water bottle tightly, anger bubbled behind her careful act.

"And yet I've heard you offering it to her all afternoon." Anthony pointed accusingly at Sophia. "That's what I call selfishness." Phil and Isaiah watched the situation, judging what they could get out of it. Jen watched nervously from a corner.

"She's not being selfish, she's being smart. She's not going to sacrifice herself for all of you who wouldn't even listen to her." Quentin moved to stand defensively between Olivia and the others. Olivia and Quentin argued helplessly against Karen and Anthony who continued to approach. They stood face to face with Quentin and Olivia, only a few inches between, hissing angry words.

"Everyone stop." Sophia's voice rang out, calm and clear as it echoed slightly through the small room. She used the wall to help herself stand and took a few steps towards the arguing pairs. "This is nonsense. Olivia's water is hers to do with it what she chooses. You being whining asses isn't going to help you get any if she were to share." Sophia turned towards Olivia and Quentin. "And you two, fighting back and being aggressive just makes things worse. Be better than them if they're going to be like that. Everyone separate now and go sit on opposite sides of the room." She shook her head. "I feel like I'm talking to elementary school students." Throughout this monologue, everyone stood in absolute silence, as soon as she had finished everyone followed her words with only slight protest.

"Hey, thanks, Soph." Olivia patted her shoulder. "That was really cool." Sophia didn't respond and just stared into the distance again. She swayed slightly, and her eyes went kind of cross-eyed. "Soph, are you okay?" Sophia's knees buckled, and she collapsed into Olivia's arms. Olivia nearly fell backwards, and Quentin had to help her get Sophia to the ground.

"What happened?" Phil asked as he joined them in kneeling around Sophia.

"She was fine and then she just fell." Olivia’s voice bordered on hysterical as she swept Sophia's blond bangs off her face. "She seemed fine."

"This is your fault," Quentin yelled at Karen. "She only got up to get mad at you."

"She was mad at you too." Karen sneered.

"Stop fighting," Olivia spoke just barely loud enough to be heard, a sob hitched in her throat. "She told us to stop." The others all flocked to comfort her, and they gently placed Sophia in the corner.

"She may be fine. She just passed out." Jen tried to be optimistic. "She may wake up." But they all knew that in that situation even if she did wake up, it wouldn't be for long. It wouldn't be long for any of them.

The next day Sophia woke for a very short time. She didn't say much other than how nice it was to have met everyone, she had completely surrendered. Olivia couldn't stop crying, dry and tearless sobs. Everyone was very quiet throughout the day, respectful to each other and to Sophia. The quiet emphasized the harsh rasp of Sophia’s breath. Her eyes were blank and unseeing and unblinking as if they had died while her body remained alive. Alive but empty. Olivia stared and stared into Sophia’s brilliant blue eyes, willing them to lighten and fill with that spark that had been there on the very first day. The spark that glowed as Sophia tried to plan out a stranger’s future. Now Olivia knew that future would never happen and the eyes remained blank, blue as the sky but colourless at the same time. By what they guessed was supper time Sophia had passed out again and by the time they all went to sleep her breathing had stopped completely.

The day after many of them had difficulty waking, they tried to open dry eyes only to be faced with the glaring lights burning into their eyes, and it felt like, Olivia thought, into their very souls. Isaiah dragged himself along the walls, checking on everyone, it seemed a pointless practice, something done in a futile attempt to make himself feel useful. No one stood for more than a few moments that day, they were all too weak. When she tried, Olivia felt her limbs quake, and her legs protested what little weight she had left. She forced herself to her feet anyways only for them to betray her and she fell hard to the floor and began to retch. On an empty and dry stomach, her body could bring up nothing but burning bile. Despite all this, Olivia seemed the least affected and was constantly trying to comfort others. She forced herself around the room, singing and telling stories as Sophia would’ve done. It was a tiresome and fruitless task, but it was the only thing she could think to do, it was what Sophia would’ve done after all. Sophia was the strong one, the brave one, the one who had given Olivia hope. Another day passed with no food or water. Death by dehydration is not the worst way to go, unpleasant for sure but not the worst. Quentin was the next to go, he just didn't wake up in the morning. After that was Jen, then Phil. With each that passed, the others dragged the body into a row, each of the dead holding hands with the next, so they weren't alone, even in death.

Within five days of Sophia, everyone had died but poor young Olivia. She had struggled to drag the body of Karen into the line but had dutifully done just that. After that, she waited. She waited, and she waited. The silence was overwhelming, and she was scared. Alone, afraid, and young. Never before had she felt so much like a child and longed for the life that had been ahead of her, even if it was just marrying an older Indian man like her parents wanted. It was a funny thing, dying so slowly. It made her appreciate everything she had had, even the things she had hated. It was not that long ago that Olivia would’ve welcomed death, but things had changed, she had changed, and now the only thing she could think was that all her plants would die at home without her careful dedication. For her, it was like falling asleep, slowly closing her eyes in the silence, the only sound her own dry breaths. No, there was another sound. Something had rustled, something else had moved in that small, cold tomb. Olivia forced her eyes open for just a second longer, just long enough to see from the far end of the line someone sit up. Sophia's voice called her name. Believing it a hallucination Olivia closed her eyes and fell into the deep sleep that was death.

[sethmvxj816-blog]

Some People Excel At Nutrition And Some Don't - Which One Are You?

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you might be missing advantages. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are an easy way to start out your day with vitamins and minerals.

Breakfast being the first meal of the day is the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it might affect our health and wellbeing. It is very important you can eat regularly slowly etc you know what your momma mentioned to chew your dang food close orally wipe see your face. Its what mom didn’t understand that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in certain small dose but as a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding the theifs to Cold or Hot Cereal to incorporate variety and flavor that’s simply not as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some in the benefits of eating breakfast. The benefit includes weight loss as eating breakfast forces you to feel less hungry throughout the day. Whole-grain cereal is one of the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows would be the best option if you might be looking for starting every day right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow can be an herb loaded with mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was used to assuage the intestines.

These are helpful to get reduced cough and irritated throats.

Mallow seemed to be used being a remedy for your respiratory tract in the case of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion for the expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage which is insoluble in water. When encountered with fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material helps with relieving irritation in the throat and controls coughing when get coated while using linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow been specifically useful for treating sore throats and in alleviating heartburn.

It is said that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow in a very Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps the most additive on the planet.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique and also the new product for the shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These differ from normal marshmallows because they are hard because all of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out when they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty and in addition supply a taste to the cereal when combined with oat bran or wheat bran to make an alternative for children and adults to savor eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture with the food pyramid while using whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s pretty much how simple it really is. With all the choices on the local supermarket inside the Cereal aisle, it's very an easy task to choose a cereal loaded with nutrients and more importantly Fiber. Some Cereals will be as much as half your fiber intake for your day. Just the honest ones don’t always taste so competent so only a tad amount of Cereal Marshmallows will make perhaps the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on your food and you should see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and most foods having lower than 1 percent of the fiber

Another option to try Cereal Marshmallows has been hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows can even be included with any of one's favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal for breakfast is vital.

The nutritional benefits of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients are mixed together n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium and other vitamins as compared with those that eat cereals usually.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top way to obtain cereals: Cereal marshmallows are the top source of whole grain products specifically children and offer numerous health advantages.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal inside the breakfast are less likely to get overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults tend to have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart from your above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains the 3 parts in the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which can make it filled with all healthy fiber and important nourishment.

Ideas of how to utilize Cereal Marshmallows

1 In any type of cereal, you want to add these to. Makes even blandest whole-grain cereals taste more often than not better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed brimming with air then dehydrated helps make the Cereal Marshmallow one of the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually letting go of sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled in case you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows in your average king size Candy Bar you'll see that this marshmallows you will get eight times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier you can eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and inside other, the same level of chocolate in 1 hand take into account there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you want to at under 40 calories no fat vs over 500 calories resulting in half of the fat for your day

3. As a weight loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add in your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[jeffreyxtkh652-blog]

22 Tips To Start Building A Nutrition You Always Wanted

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you are missing advantages. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are the way to start your entire day with minerals and vitamins.

Breakfast being the 1st meal in the day is probably the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it could affect our health and wellness. It is essential to eat regularly slowly etc guess what happens your momma told you to chew your dang food close the mouth area wipe see your face. Its what mom didn’t realize that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in some small dose but as a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding the crooks to Cold or Hot Cereal to provide variety and flavor that’s hardly as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some with the advantages of eating breakfast. The benefit also includes weight control as eating breakfast could make you feel less hungry the whole day. Whole-grain cereal is essentially the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows will be the best option if you might be looking for starting every day right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow is surely an herb high in mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was adopted to soothe the intestines.

These are helpful to have reduced cough and irritated throats.

Mallow seemed to be used as a remedy for that respiratory tract in the event of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion due to the expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage that's insoluble in water. When exposed to fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material works well for relieving irritation inside the throat and controls coughing when get coated with all the linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow has also been employed for treating sore throats along with alleviating heartburn.

It is claimed that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow in the Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps essentially the most additive in the world.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique along with the cool product to your shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These are different from normal marshmallows because they are hard because all of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out when they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty as well as provide a taste on the cereal when joined with oat bran or wheat bran making a choice for the kids and adults to enjoy eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture of the food pyramid using the whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s basically how simple it can be. With all the choices in the local supermarket inside the Cereal aisle, it is very all to easy to select a cereal loaded with nutrients and above all Fiber. Some Cereals is often as almost as much ast half your fiber intake to the day. Just the honest ones don’t always taste so excellent so merely a tad little Cereal Marshmallows could make even worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on your own food and you'll see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and quite a few foods having under 1 percent of your fiber

Another option to try Cereal Marshmallows is by using hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows can even be added to any of your favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal enjoying is essential.

The nutritional features of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients are mixed together n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium and also other vitamins as compared with those who eat cereals frequently.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top way to obtain grain: Cereal marshmallows would be the top way to obtain grain specifically for children and still provide numerous health improvements.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal in the breakfast are unlikely to get overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults are apt to have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart from the above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains the 3 parts of the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which can make it full of all healthy fiber and essential nutrients.

Ideas of how to work with Cereal Marshmallows

1 In any type of cereal, you want to include these to. Makes perhaps the blandest whole-grain cereals taste many times better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed packed with air then dehydrated helps to make the Cereal Marshmallow one in the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually giving up sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled in case you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows for a average king size Candy Bar you would see that this marshmallows you obtain about 8 times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier to eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and within the other, exactly the same quantity of chocolate in 1 hand keep in mind there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you want to at under 40 calories and no fat vs over 500 calories leading to half of your respective fat for that day

3. As a fat loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add for your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[tituswxok661-blog]

Nutrition: The Samurai Way

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you happen to be missing advantages. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are a good way to start your day with vitamin supplements.

Breakfast being the initial meal of the day is one of the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it may affect our health and wellness. It is vital you can eat regularly slowly etc you know what your momma said to chew your dang food close orally wipe the face. Its what mom didn’t understand that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in most small dose but like a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding the crooks to Cold or Hot Cereal to add variety and flavor that’s hardly as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some from the advantages of eating breakfast. The benefit also may include weight management as eating breakfast will make you feel less hungry the whole day. Whole-grain cereal is probably the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows would be the best option if you are looking for starting your day right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow can be an herb an excellent source of mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was used to appease the intestines.

These are helpful to acquire reduced cough and irritated throats.

Mallow was also used as a remedy to the respiratory tract in the case of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion due to the expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage which can be insoluble in water. When exposed to fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material helps in relieving irritation within the throat and controls coughing when get coated with all the linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow has been used for treating sore throats as well as in alleviating heartburn.

It is said that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow inside a Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps probably the most additive on this planet.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique as well as the cool product to your shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These aren't the same as normal marshmallows as they are hard because all of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out once they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty and also give you a taste towards the cereal when along with oat bran or wheat bran and earn a choice for kids and adults to relish eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture with the food pyramid with all the whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s just about how simple it's. With each of the choices in the local supermarket inside the Cereal aisle, it's very an easy task to choose a cereal filled with nutrients above all Fiber. Some Cereals is often as much as half your fiber intake for the day. Just the honest ones don’t always taste so excellent so simply a tad little bit of Cereal Marshmallows is likely to make the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels in your food and you should see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and a lot foods having under one percent of one's fiber

Another choice to try Cereal Marshmallows has been hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows may also be combined with any of one's favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal enjoying is very important.

The nutritional features of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients can be found n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium and other vitamins in comparison with people who eat cereals frequently.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top way to obtain whole grain products: Cereal marshmallows will be the top method to obtain cereals specifically for children and still provide numerous health improvements.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal within the breakfast are unlikely to become overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults generally have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart through the above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains the 3 parts of the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which will make it full of all healthy fiber and necessary nutrient elements.

Ideas of how to make use of Cereal Marshmallows

1 In just about any cereal, you want to provide these phones. Makes perhaps the blandest whole-grain cereals taste often better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed packed with air then dehydrated makes the Cereal Marshmallow one of the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually letting go of sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled should you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows in your average king size Candy Bar you'll see that this marshmallows you obtain about 8 times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier to eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and inside other, a similar amount of chocolate in 1 hand take into account there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you're looking at under 40 calories with out fat vs over 500 calories resulting in half of your respective fat to the day

3. As a weight loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add for your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[augustsrbs708-blog]

Warning: These 9 Mistakes Will Destroy Your Nutrition

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you are missing benefits. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are an easy way to start your entire day with vitamin supplements.

Breakfast being the initial meal of the day is probably the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it might affect our health and wellness. It is vital to consume regularly slowly etc you know what your momma stated to chew your dang food close your mouth wipe see your face. Its what mom didn’t know that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in a few small dose but being a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding those to Cold or Hot Cereal to include variety and flavor that’s simply not as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some from the advantages of eating breakfast. The benefit comes with weight control as eating breakfast will make you feel less hungry throughout the day. Whole-grain cereal is one of the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows will be the best option if you might be looking for starting your mood right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow is definitely an herb full of mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was applied to soothe the intestines.

These are helpful to get respite from cough and irritated throats.

Mallow has also been used as being a remedy to the respiratory tract in the case of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion due to its expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage that's insoluble in water. When encountered with fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material helps in relieving irritation inside throat and controls coughing when get coated while using linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow has been used by treating sore throats and in alleviating heartburn.

It has been said that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow in the Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps probably the most additive on earth.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique along with the new service to your shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These differ from normal marshmallows while they are hard because all of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out whenever they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty plus provide a taste to the cereal when joined with oat bran or wheat bran and earn an alternative for youngsters and adults to enjoy eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture with the food pyramid while using whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s basically how simple it can be. With all of the choices on the local food store inside the Cereal aisle, it really is very simple to choose a cereal full of nutrients and more importantly Fiber. Some Cereals is as up to half your fiber intake for the day. Just the good ones don’t always taste so competent so simply a tad amount of Cereal Marshmallows can make perhaps the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on your own food and you'll see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and many foods having below 1 percent of one's fiber

Another replacement for try Cereal Marshmallows is to use hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows can also be put into any of your respective favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal enjoying is important.

The nutritional benefits of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients exist n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium and also other vitamins as compared with those who eat cereals very often.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top source of whole grains: Cereal marshmallows would be the top supply of whole grains particularly for children and provide numerous health advantages.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal inside breakfast are more unlikely to be overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults generally a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart from the above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains the three parts of the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which make it detailed with all healthy fiber and important nourishment.

Ideas of how to utilize Cereal Marshmallows

1 In just about any cereal, you want to add the crooks to. Makes perhaps the blandest whole-grain cereals taste many times better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed full of air then dehydrated helps to make the Cereal Marshmallow one with the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually stopping sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled should you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows in your average king size Candy Bar you'd see that this marshmallows you obtain eight times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier to eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and within the other, exactly the same volume of chocolate in 1 hand bear in mind there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you are looking at under 40 calories and no fat vs over 500 calories contributing to half of your respective fat for the day

3. As a weight loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add for your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[connerxufa777-blog]

How To Handle Every Nutrition Challenge With Ease Using These Tips

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you're missing advantages. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are the way to get started on your mood with minerals and vitamins.

Breakfast being the first meal of the day is probably the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it may affect our health and wellness. It is very important to eat regularly slowly etc what happens your momma mentioned to chew your dang food close orally wipe your face. Its what mom didn’t know that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in some small dose but as a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding those to Cold or Hot Cereal to incorporate variety and flavor that’s simply not as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some in the benefits of eating breakfast. The benefit also may include weight management as eating breakfast will make you feel less hungry during the day. Whole-grain cereal is probably the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows include the best option if you are looking for starting your day right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow is an herb high in mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was utilized to soothe the intestines.

These are helpful to acquire reduced cough and irritated throats.

Mallow was also used as a remedy for the respiratory tract in case of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion due to the expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage that's insoluble in water. When encountered with fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material helps in relieving irritation in the throat and controls coughing when get coated with the linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow has been used for treating sore throats along with alleviating heartburn.

It is considered that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow in a very Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps the most additive on earth.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique and also the awesome to your shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These are different from normal marshmallows because they are hard because each of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out whenever they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty plus give a taste towards the cereal when along with oat bran or wheat bran and make a possibility for kids and adults to take pleasure from eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture of the food pyramid using the whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s pretty much how simple it can be. With all of the choices on the local market in the Cereal aisle, it is very an easy task to look for a cereal loaded with nutrients and above all Fiber. Some Cereals can be as up to half your fiber intake for your day. Just the good ones don’t always taste so competent so only a tad bit of Cereal Marshmallows can make even the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on the food and you will probably see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and many foods having under 1 percent of your respective fiber

Another substitute for try Cereal Marshmallows is by using hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows can also be put into any of your respective favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal for breakfast is vital.

The nutritional features of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients can be found n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium and also other vitamins as compared with those who eat cereals frequently.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top method to obtain grain: Cereal marshmallows would be the top way to obtain cereals especially for children and offer numerous health improvements.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal inside breakfast are more unlikely to be overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults generally have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart from the above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains all three parts in the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which can make it detailed with all healthy fiber and essential goodness.

Ideas of how to work with Cereal Marshmallows

1 In any type of cereal, you want to add these phones. Makes even blandest whole-grain cereals taste often better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed filled with air then dehydrated makes the Cereal Marshmallow one from the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually quitting sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled if you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows to your average king size Candy Bar you would see that this marshmallows you get 8 times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier you can eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and inside the other, exactly the same volume of chocolate in 1 hand bear in mind there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you're looking at under 40 calories with no fat vs over 500 calories and about half of one's fat for your day

3. As a fat loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add to your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[zionzeec412-blog]

The Ultimate Deal On Nutrition

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you happen to be missing benefits. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are an easy way to get started on every day with vitamin supplements.

Breakfast being the 1st meal of the day is one of the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it could affect our health and wellbeing. It is very important to consume regularly slowly etc what happens your momma told you to chew your dang food close the mouth area wipe the face. Its what mom didn’t realize that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in certain small dose but as a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding these to Cold or Hot Cereal to incorporate variety and flavor that’s not as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some of the important things about eating breakfast. The benefit also may include weight control as eating breakfast will make you feel less hungry the whole day. Whole-grain cereal is one of the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows are the best option if you are looking for starting your entire day right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow is surely an herb an excellent source of mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was utilized to assuage the intestines.

These are helpful to have reduced cough and irritated throats.

Mallow seemed to be used as being a remedy for the respiratory tract in the event of irritating coughs having bronchial congestion due to its expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage which can be insoluble in water. When confronted with fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material can be useful for relieving irritation inside throat and controls coughing when get coated with all the linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow has been useful for treating sore throats as well as in alleviating heartburn.

It is said that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow in a very Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps one of the most additive in the world.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique along with the new product on your shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These differ from normal marshmallows since they are hard because every one of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out once they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty and also give a taste for the cereal when coupled with oat bran or wheat bran to make an option for children and adults to enjoy eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture in the food pyramid using the whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s pretty much how simple it's. With all the choices in the local market within the Cereal aisle, it's very all to easy to pick a cereal full of nutrients above all Fiber. Some Cereals can be as up to half your fiber intake for the day. Just the high quality ones don’t always taste so competent so merely a tad amount of Cereal Marshmallows can make perhaps the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on your food and you will probably see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and most foods having below 1 percent of your fiber

Another replacement for try Cereal Marshmallows is by using hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows may also be combined with any of the favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal in the morning is vital.

The nutritional attributes of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients are present n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium as well as other vitamins in comparison with those who eat cereals usually.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top way to obtain grain: Cereal marshmallows include the top way to obtain whole grains specifically for children and provide numerous health improvements.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal inside the breakfast are unlikely being overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults generally have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart from your above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains the three parts from the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ which make it filled with all healthy fiber and essential nutrients.

Ideas of how to use Cereal Marshmallows

1 In any kind of cereal, you want to provide these phones. Makes even blandest whole-grain cereals taste often times better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed filled with air then dehydrated makes the Cereal Marshmallow one from the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually quitting sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled in case you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows to your average king size Candy Bar you'd probably see the marshmallows you obtain eight times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier you can eat less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and inside other, exactly the same volume of chocolate in 1 hand take into account there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you are looking at under 40 calories and no fat vs over 500 calories leading to half of the fat for that day

3. As a weight-loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add for your Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES

[deanyiqe464-blog]

Old School Nutrition

Are you thinking of skipping breakfast? If yes, you might be missing lots of benefits. Items like breakfast foods including cereals are a good way to start your day with nutritional supplements.

Breakfast being the initial meal of the day is one of the most important one. Haphazardly having breakfast or skipping it may affect our health and wellness. It is vital to consume regularly slowly etc guess what happens your momma told you to chew your dang food close orally wipe the face. Its what mom didn’t are aware that expanded our waistlines Sugar, Butter, Lard, Fried foods, Burgers, Red Meat, Cookies, Candy, Cakes all ok in some small dose but as a regular diet NOTHING IN THE MENTIONED FOODS HAS ANY SUBSTANTIAL FIBER CONTENT. Try adding the theifs to Cold or Hot Cereal to add variety and flavor that’s simply not as sugary as sugar.

Improved concentration and reduced fatigue are some from the important things about eating breakfast. The benefit includes weight management as eating breakfast could make you feel less hungry each day. Whole-grain cereal is probably the most healthful breakfast. Cereal Marshmallows are the best option if you might be looking for starting your mood right.

History

Marshmallow Leaf/Root: Marshmallow can be an herb full of mucilage.

Traditionally, the marshmallow leaf/root was applied to soothe the intestines.

These are helpful to get rest from cough and irritated throats.

Mallow have also been used as a remedy for that respiratory tract in case there is irritating coughs having bronchial congestion for the expectorant and demulcent properties.

Marshmallow root and leaf both contain natural gummy substance- mucilage that's insoluble in water. When confronted with fluids, marshmallow swells up and becomes slick.

This slippery material can be useful for relieving irritation inside throat and controls coughing when get coated while using linings of mouth, throat, and stomach.

Marshmallow been specifically used for treating sore throats along with alleviating heartburn.

It is considered that marshmallow also possesses anti-effective and immune-boosting properties.

Now people use Marshmallow inside a Variety of things Kraft Cereal Marshmallows AKA Marbits are perhaps one of the most additive on earth.

Cereal Marshmallows

The unique as well as the new product for the shelves is Cereal Marshmallows.

These aren't the same as normal marshmallows since they are hard because all of the moisture in Cereal Marshmallows is sucked out after they undergo a freezing drying dehydration process. Making them dehydrated Marshmallows

Cereal Marshmallows are tasty and also provide a taste on the cereal when joined with oat bran or wheat bran to make a possibility for children and adults to take pleasure from eating healthier cereal. Remember the picture of the food pyramid with the whole-grain toast bowl of cereal and juice? Well, that’s just about how simple it is. With all of the choices in the local supermarket inside the Cereal aisle, it's very an easy task to look for a cereal filled with nutrients above all Fiber. Some Cereals can be as much as half your fiber intake to the day. Just the high quality ones don’t always taste so good so merely a tad little bit of Cereal Marshmallows will make perhaps the worst Cereal taste Great. Do your research by reading your Nutritional Facts labels on your food and you will probably see our Daily Diet is plagued with Sodium, Carbohydrates, and Fats and quite a few foods having lower than 1 % of one's fiber

Another replacement for try Cereal Marshmallows has been hot cocoa, cappuccino or mochas.

Cereal Marshmallows may also be added to any of one's favorite recipe of cookie or brownie.

Importance / Benefits of Cereal Marshmallows

Studies illustrate that eating cereal for breakfast is vital.

The nutritional attributes of having Cereal Marshmallows are:

1 Key nutrients: All key nutrients are present n cereals

2 Higher vitamin intake: People who have cereals frequently have higher intakes of iron, calcium along with other vitamins as compared to those who eat cereals very often.

3 Less fat & cholesterol: People who eat cereals frequently consume less fat and cholesterol.

4 A top way to obtain whole grains: Cereal marshmallows are the top source of grain specifically children and provide numerous many benefits.

5 Healthy body: Those who have cereal in the breakfast are more unlikely to become overweight.

6 Healthier Body Mass Index: Cereal eating children/adults tend to have a healthier BMI (Body Mass Index).

Apart through the above-mentioned benefits, whole grain/ cereal contains seventy one parts with the kernel. They are outer bran, inner endosperm, and germ that make it full of all healthy fiber and important nourishment.

Ideas of how to utilize Cereal Marshmallows

1 In virtually any cereal, you want to provide these to. Makes perhaps the blandest whole-grain cereals taste many times better. Try in Hot or Cold Cereal.

2 As a Candy Substitute, the Unique way the Sugar if puffed brimming with air then dehydrated makes the Cereal Marshmallow one in the best Candy Substitutes ANYWHERE without actually quitting sugar. Since the Marshmallows are air-filled should you compare a package of Cereal Marshmallows in your average king size Candy Bar you would see that this marshmallows you obtain about 8 times more volume meaning the package of marshmallows is 8 times bigger making it easier to consume less. If you had in 1 hand a bag of Cereal marshmallows and inside the other, the same level of chocolate in 1 hand keep in mind there's still more marshmallows than chocolate but you want to at under 40 calories with no fat vs over 500 calories leading to half of your respective fat for the day

3. As a fat loss aide to

4 As a stop smoking aide

5 Added to ANY Recipe from cookies, cake, chocolates, frostings,

6 As an Ice Cream additive

7 Add for a Yogurt

8 In Hot Cocoa, Coffee, Mocha’s, etc

9 IN ANYTHING

10 JUST BY THEMSELVES