#people who do not like them will be very unhappy to encounter one where it isn't supposed to be

[taz-writes]

here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

[strawbellyx3]

Some thoughts on JinMao in The Apothecary Diaries LN (spoilers)

I love how Maomao's love for Jinshi is written in the Light Novel. She's an unreliable narrator and can't put a name on what she feels for a long time and heck, for the most time she doesn't even want to. The beginning of volume 6 showing this perfectly when she didn't want to leave Jinshi's hair stick behind, carried it with her and when she slept, she kept it near her chest because she didn't want to have it anywhere where she could see it. The symbolism *chef kiss* (she doesn't want to face her feelings but also still carries them close to her chest)

She purposely chooses to avoid thinking about any potential feelings for Jinshi and at the end of the same volume it's also stated that she does have some kind of affection for him that she can't yet put into words.

For readers, it's easy to view Maomao's avoidant attitude as disinterest. Even more so paired with how she doesn't seem to ever be nervous around Jinshi. But really, we don't need blushy nervous Maomao to understand what she's feeling. Her feelings come to show everytime she worries about Jinshi's well being and goes out of her way to get him to eat and rest, takes time of her own day to make sure that he's well.

When at the beginning, she always considered him bringing all these tasks to her as bothersome. Maomao just wanted to experiment with poison and make medicine, she didn't want to spend time on anything else, really.

Then, in volume 9 she's even willing to give up her agency if it meant helping ease his burdens.

Maomao, miss "I don't want to have anything to do with this, this is bothersome" tells him to use all of her. Use her until she falls apart. (while kabedoning him, love Maomao being an absolute girlboss even when she tells him to use her)

She's worried by his selflessness. How he's unable to use other people to reach his goals and shoulders everything on his own, wanting to save everyone. Maomao gets upset by it and worries he'd never get anything in return and become as luckless in life as her adoptive father. Who carries the same selflessness and kindness.

I don't think we talk enough about how much it means for Maomao to get to a point where she would rather get used by Jinshi than to see him exhaust himself.

This whole scene afterwards is just..generally really heartwarming honestly.

(Volume 9 Chapter 20)

Her hands went to Jinshi’s cheek. “You’re only human, Master Jinshi. You’re not some mythical immortal who can save everyone.” She held his face in her hands, the fingers of her left hand brushing his scar. “You can be wounded, scarred, brought low. Only human.”

Who was she talking to? She knew Jinshi was standing in front of her, but for some reason she kept seeing Luomen’s face.

No wonder I’m so upset. The principle that drove Jinshi’s behavior seemed very similar to Luomen’s. She was afraid that if he went on like this, he would end up just as luckless in life as her old man. Just like Pops... He’d spent himself trying to rescue everyone and everything. Like a fool. He should have wanted more, been greedier, but instead he’d suffered his fate patiently. Suffered and suffered, and for what? To become an old man resigned to his empty hands. This was, it was fair to say, Maomao’s one criticism of her father. She’d felt it keenly in the affair with the Shaonese shrine maiden. She respected Luomen immensely. A man who never lost his kindness no matter what unhappiness he encountered was like a miracle. The price, though, was that his body and his heart were both battered. In time he became so that everything he did, he did in the expectation of defeat. Would Jinshi end up like him one day? Or— “Please, please don’t go doing anything else like burning a brand into your skin,” Maomao said. “I heard you...the first several times,” Jinshi replied. “Are you sure?” A smile flitted across Maomao’s face, and she slowly pulled her hands away.

[stitchwraith-stingers]

sorry for never shutting up about how people treat hazel but ohh my god shes my fave character atm.... i get to be mad!! she has good enough information that you can play around with headcanons freely

the only moments people wouldve brung up is when dev is in the episode, there was no reason for the episode that showed her tendancy to overthink and be emberassed over small mistakes by wishing a do-over and over again, having to realise that running away from the idea of creating a problem wont help her in the long run JUST so people could go "omg haha dev has a crush on her" i could litterly not tell you what the general concensious on most episodes are because i dont know peoples opinions on them because in general they dont discuss them beyond his scenes

fanart too, ive personally muted the dev and devzel tag and when i look up #hazel wells i want you to guess how many posts i find that arent hidden! spoiler alert its barely any of them, listen im not saying im shocked at the fact The Characters Made As A Duo are drawn as a duo, its whatever and while im not personally a fan in general i really do get the appeal, but you have to admit that at some point it gets really suspicious when the only fanart you can find in one character is only with the more popular one, over 200 fics in the hazel tag on ao3 and theres only 20! without the dev tag! (10 more then when i last checked, crazy! go read fly bird, fly now), and my main problem is is that hazel is shown to be her own person OUTSIDE of their friendship, infact wouldnt you know it shes the protagonist herself! the fact that most aus ive seen are focused on dev/dale/peri is whats most confusing to me, "oh but theyre so interesting to work with"

really! youre telling me you cant think of a fic / au idea on her own? miss "i was going to have a previous godparent who didnt listen to me at all", miss "i am very anxious and i overthink to the point where my desicions", miss "i had an encounter with my evil shadow self when i was a fairy" (shout out to fairy bound au btw, im a big fan), miss "my mom doesnt fully know how to handle children inspite of being a therapist and tells me im handling things mature so i feel like i should be", miss "with the fact that im terrified my friends are making fun of me behind my back, i didnt know how to talk to anyone and a cafetiria made me so overworried and i speak to my rocks could imply the fact that i was outcasted at a young age", miss "my brother who has been my anchor and i has taught me everything i need to know has left me and hes also struggling to adjust to everything and we were insanely close to the point where the reason this whole thing started is because of him", miss "i regularly help my dad hunt a ghost that doesnt exist but it makes him happy", miss "i am litterly friends with the coolest kid in elementary school", miss "my landlords are litterly doomsday preppers and our parents want me to get along with their werido twins", miss "i didnt even hestitate to kill myself if i had to save potatoes for humanity after i pissed off mother nature", miss 'i got called out on projecting my past bonding expiriences on my best friend by some werid demon posessing her body right infront of me' none of that makes you want to think of something about her on her own? not even a spark of an idea? its almost like you guys watched exclusively 6 episodes and watched 5 minutes out of them at most

hazel is very interesting and shows her own struggles, she likes puns and fries and rocks and anime and horror movies (and apparently mushrooms if you count that one scene), she tries to problem solve so that no one is unhappy (patty being alive so winn wasnt upset, trying to get the band and orchestra together, accidently haunting her house and wishing her dads day was extra special, trying to find a dinosaur she spontaniously teleported his own job), she has multiple episodes showing her insecurities and how she tries to hide it so she doesnt look like a bad person, but inspite of it all is a understanding person and a peacemaker and doesnt like arguments, hell shes even such good autism represntation im 99.9% sure it wasnt intentional at all

dont even get me started on the takes ive seen in the finale, listen the finale has alot to be said and it definatly wont be everyones cup of tea (i think them trying to refrence every episode felt so chaotic personally) but regarding people with the ending is still giving me a headache, "she shouldve used her wish on him" that wouldve been so boring and predicable, say what you want on what she actually used it for but i think you guys should realise that for the kid whos regressing back into his bad copium mechanisms should get to face his concequences, 'hes 10 and neglected so thats why he acted like that' and 'she doesnt need to put up with how he treats her and hold his hand and be his personal therapist' can both coexist, people being pissed that she lightheartly agreed that he fucked up when HE admitted it is crazyyy CRAZYYY (also the fact ive seen someone say 'her moms a therapist she shouldve known' ???)

this isnt even touching on "hazels other relationships like her friends and family arent developed enough so thats why ppl dont care that much" while that is a valid critism i have with the show in general i still dont think applys to what im specifically talking about to demonstrate dale has appeared in THREE episodes (four if you want to stretch it), meanwhile hazels parents have appeared more often and im barely seeing them in fanart "but dale has a backstory!" so do those two have a whole episode explaining how they met "b-but dale is interesting as a role as a villain!" the guy is barely a villain [so far atleast], but also is being a therapist and a parascienists already not an interesting enough? are you guys suddenly not able to make as much headcanons expanding apon them as you did with dale? thats the thing that confuses me the most, whats stopping you from giving random information from your head to anyone else?, (i didnt know how to word this point so hopefully this makes sense)

listen im going to say it right now MOST OF THIS IS DEFINATLY UNINTENTIONAL AND NOT EVERYONE IS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE but some of u guys might really need to uncover some biases on why you think the black girl should coddle the rich white boy when he wasnt treating her well at the time, if that makes sense

[angelmachines]

teru & socialization

i've posted about this before but something ive been thinking about a LOT is mp100's themes of loneliness (and eventual connections). i think this is an aspect of teru's character (in particular) that gets left out because it's not as explicit but i've been wanting to do a deep dive on it for a while and i finally sat down to do it. just a warning, this post is gonna be LONG.

these two panels are from chapter 16 of the manga (which i'm using for my evidence because i. dont want to scrub through the anime LOL). initial sentiment: teru uses his powers to cheat having friends/a good social life and wouldn't have that if he tried earnestly. this is a fair interpretation of the scene. with what we know, at this point of time (as in within the teru-mob fight) teru would not be able to connect with other people earnestly, due to his mindset. which i think is a fair interpretation, HOWEVER:

(from chapter 17 ^^) the first panel shows teru's expression to be strained and the second is visibly unhappy. this puts the first set of panels into a different context, that maybe underneath all of this, teru doesn't WANT any of this life that he's built. keep in mind that i'm analyzing this with teru's possible autistic tendencies in mind & you dont have to believe he's autistic, im not your dad, but i do find this a pretty meaningful indication of masking if he were

(note: yes, the strain can definitely be read as comp-het, and i would agree but that's not relevant so go read this post on that instead)

even if the rest of these panels show teru content with his life, i think these expressions are pretty vital to how we read his life especially because we know so little of it. think about it, if you were a kid desperate for affection because you couldn't get it anywhere else, especially not in a way that would come off as "mature" or "unaffected", wouldn't you also look for validation in your popularity? even if it aligned you with people who you consider fundamentally different to you? my point here is that teru can't not stand out-- it's in his nature-- and we are shown how he tries to blend in & receive attention in the only way possible to him; which is to say that he molds himself into something that is palatable, likeable, and superior to other people. if he's nothing, like mob, he has spent his entire life covering up for it. if he fails socially, like mob, he has to be good at everything (even if he cheats to do so) so that everyone else can look past it.

(side note for my teru angst enjoyers: this is a panel of his mom. the mom who he hasn't seen in years. doesn't it make sense that, if he hasn't heard his mom say he's proud of him for literal years, that he would overachieve in response? not related to the autism thing i just have the teru bug. also don't be misogynistic in my notes both his parents suck we just get a singular mention of his mom)

so if teru couldn't meaningfully have friends before mob, that could very easily be because of his past mindset, right?

...except, we don't.. really... see him make other friends afterwards.

but, the awakening lab, right?

(ok i lied to you sorry there is one anime screenshot and thats because it stood out to me while i rewatched it earlier this month. sorry.) id like to bring attention to this screenshot during the cultural festival because the awakening lab can definitely be seen as a direct contradiction of this and i'd like to point out a couple things:

1) in this scene the shiratori brothers are in another room 2) them and the other three are friends with ritsu (or at least close enough acquaintances to want to see him).

considering this is one of the only times they appear together for Fun i am more inclined to believe this is an encounter where they went together because they all would've gone separately anyway. this isn't to discount the possible bond that these characters might have, but thats the thing. we... aren't really shown that they're friends and enjoy spending time together outside of this screenshot, where two out of six of the members are not even present. not to mention that teru is still placing himself in a role separate from his peers. despite stripping the superiority away, teru is still the awakening lab's mentor, not friend. teru still views himself as fundamentally different in a context where his psychic powers don't make him that way.

...except with mob. i bring this placement of power up because where he is the awakening lab's mentor, teru declares mob to be his rival, or, in other words, teru is just like him. he is accepting that mob and him are the same. (and if we view mob from an autistic lens... so on and so forth)

as if to hammer in that point even further-- in the summer vacation omake, teru explicitly states that "summer break is just a super long, super boring stretch of alone time." i'm not sure of the timeline here, but guessing from the hair, we're at least post season 1. which gives us explicit confirmation here that teru is spending the break alone despite his relationship to the awakening lab. his connection to mob is a lifeline here because mob is one of the only people who can intuitively understand teru's isolation without judgment

(also, on that point of teru's autistic tendencies: teru does and says a LOT of things that would raise other peoples eyebrows and doesn't seem to notice.

here we get teru actively admitting to his home life, right in front of reigen, WHO COULD CALL CHILD SERVICES ON HIM? this genuinely made me rethink this character entirely. teru's filter is... minimal. he isn't constantly volunteering information and generally minds his own business, but if you ask? Well.

teru is a social person, but to say he is proficient in understanding social situations seems... wrong. teru views his loneliness as boring because, despite being fairly open, does not actually allow himself to think about his own feelings and how they affect him. this loneliness is boring because he doesn't have enough of a reference to realize its not

if we are taking pre-mob teru to be a version of himself who is masking, or at the very least someone who is faking a lot of stuff in a less autistic sense, the fight with mob changes teru to the point where he no longer hides himself. in the same way that mob was able to shake teru's fragile superiority complex i think the change in appearance marks the end of the self teru had built up. from this point on we see him become a lot more... Him. his appearance and his fashion choices are, presumably, completely normal to him and we get no indication that he believes otherwise despite the reactions it gets-- which is... well, i wouldn't be writing this post if i thought it was one of his most neurotypical traits.

in fact, he seems... pretty oblivious to what other people think of him. which is an interesting distinction to make considering the intelligence we Know he possesses (which is not to say that you are unintelligent if you don't pick up on social cues, just that its common for media to depict it that way.) these traits are made pointedly, even if unintentionally, separate, ESPECIALLY when you note the amount of characters who Do ruminate on or stare at teru's appearance.

some examples. i don't even think this is all of it-- case in point.)

[talaok]

Chapter one: The perfect life

Pairing: No-outbreak!Joel x married!reader

Series summary: You moved to Austin Texas with your husband due to his job, but your already troubled marriage is about to get more complicated when the contractor remodeling your home, Joel Miller, will enter both of your lives.

Chapter summary: Moving to Austin was the right decision, but you can't shake the feeling that something's wrong.

warnings: hints to the reader's unhappy childhood, and a very short smut moment

Next chapter

New city, new home, new life.

You should have been happy, you really should have been, but the weight that had sat on your chest as you got on the plane had lingered.

You wanted this. You had to.

You had the perfect life.

A big house with an even bigger lawn, more money than you ever thought possible, and a loving husband.

A loving husband of two years, a loving husband who had to move to Texas for work, a loving husband who you followed across the country, leaving everything and everyone behind, because it's him, and you love him. 

Yes. You love him, just as he loves you.

You just needed time, time to adjust, and find a way to start new.

And Austin seemed as good a place as any.

It's warm and sunny here, and the city has an aura you had never quite encountered in any other place.

It's different from New York, yes, but different is good, different means change, and you needed a change.

"I smell burnt"

"oh- shit" you hissed, your gaze finally dropping from the window and down towards the pan where bacon was frying.

You turned the stove off and opened the window, trying to get some of the smell out. 

"You ok?" 

You looked at Richard, his deep blue eyes, perfectly slicked-back hair, and the tailored suit hugging his body like a second skin made him look as if he had come straight out of a commercial.

He wasn't watching you anymore, his attention had moved to the coffee maker.

"yeah I'm fine, I'm just a little tired I guess"

"you should rest today," he said, pouring some coffee into a cup

"I will" you nodded, glancing at the pan "I should probably make more bacon"

"don't worry" he stopped you "I'll just eat something on the way"

"you sure?"

"Yeah" He took a sip from his mug and set down on a stool 

"So..." you walked to the opposite side of the kitchen counter to face him "Are you nervous?"

He raised his eyes from his phone to look at you.

"Why would I be? I'm the boss"

"yeah, but it's still your first day"

He shrugged "I just want to get it over with, today's only gonna be meetings and people introducing themselves, tomorrow's gonna be my actual first day"

"right," you offered him a small smile "And have you talked to Francis?"

"Yeah, he said he'll show me around today" 

He stood up to place the cup in the sink.

"and about the remodeling?"

"Right, yeah he gave me a number, I'll text it to you"

"great"

Silence fell, and with it, a spell seemed to turn you both to stone

He broke it first

"Right" he glanced at his watch "I better go"

"Right," you said, taking a step closer to him.

His lips were on and off of yours so quickly you wondered if you had imagined it.

"Have a great day" you managed, as he walked out of the room

"you too"

__ __ __

The shelves had finally started to come to life.

"Why do we have to bring all your books, it's a waste of time" you recalled Richard saying "It's not like you're gonna read all of them again"

It infuriated you how he didn't get it, how completely baffled he was by your decision.

Like hell you were leaving such an important part of you back home.

Some of the volumes filling the living room you've had since you were a child, some of these stories raised you when there was no one else bothering to do the job.

A small, unexpected smile pulled at your lips as your gaze fell to the last remaining book in the box.

'scary stories to tell in the dark'

You were only 12 years old when you read it. You had found it in the school library, and tempted by a bravado that didn't belong to you, you had picked it up and stuffed it in your bag, carrying it all the way home as if it were the most precious treasure ever known to man.

It had helped silence the screams down the hallway, but it also made it impossible for you to sleep for a whole week.

A quiet laugh climbed your throat as you remembered watching every shadow in your room mutate into a horrifying monster.

You had never given it back.

The barely-together copy in your hands was the same one you had held 22 years ago.

For some reason, out of all the books you've read, this one you held closer to your heart.

Perhaps it was the rebellion behind the act, or perhaps, it was the feeling that that book had given you, the courage, the proof that you could do it, that you were gonna come out the other end, the proof, at last, that monsters can be fought, and at times even defeated.

You sighed, as you settled the book onto the now overflowing shelf, taking a step back to admire the living room.

That's it.

Piece by piece, you were gonna make this your home.

The next hours passed in a frenzy and by the time only a box was left on the floor, it was two in the afternoon.

You had been so caught up with your work you had forgotten to eat.

And now that you realized... god if you weren't hungry.

It's just one more box though, you thought as you peeked at it.

Yeah, c'mon I can do this

Only the stuff for the coffee table remained, and as you took the first item-

Fuck.

The shattered lamp rested on the floor like paint on a Pollok.

Fuck me, man, that was expensive.

You cringed as you bent to try and pick up the sharp pieces, but of course, as a ringing sounded across the room, you gasped and lost your focus, cutting your finger on the glass.

A stinging pain shot through you and you winced loudly, stumbling backward while trying hard not to look at the blood.

This really wasn't the time to be fainting.

Your phone was still annoyingly ringing.

"What?" you picked up without bothering to look

"I'm sorry is this a bad time?" what sounded like a confused male's voice spoke through the phone.

"Richard?" you frowned as you realized it was an unknown number "I'm sorry who's this?"

"I'm Joel, Joel Miller, from the contracting company" he paused "Your husband gave me your number"

"oh" you breathed "I-I'm sorry, he didn't tell me"

"Ma'am if this is a bad time I can call you later"

"no, no please don't worry I just- Now it's fine"

"ok good, your husband has told me you want to do some remodeling?"

"Yeah, we have a big room on the second floor that's unutilized and I'd like to build up a wall and make it into two rooms, perhaps a guest bedroom and bathroom"

He hummed, considering your words "That shouldn't be a problem, I'd like to come to your house one of these days so I can see the space firsthand"

"Yeah sure" You nodded, wrapping a paper towel around your finger once you walked to the kitchen "Would tomorrow be alright?"

"Absolutely, how does 10:30 sound?"

"perfect" you smiled 

"Alright then, if you just give me your address we're gonna be all set"

"of course"

__ __ __

he didn't come home for dinner.

"I'll eat out with some of my colleagues"

That's all he said.

And before you knew it you were heating a frozen pizza in the oven, and watching the sun disappear on the horizon through the kitchen window.

It was good that he stayed out, that's what you kept repeating in your head.

It's good that he's already getting to know his colleagues, and it's good that he's already settling in, it's perfect.

It's what you should be doing.

And yes you would have liked to spend more time with him today, but there's still tomorrow, and the day after that... there's still the rest of your life, one day certainly won't make a difference.

And it's not like you didn't enjoy the quiet, it gave you time to think, to look around the bare walls and ponder what you should fill them with.

A painting there, a mirror there, photos there... it was all coming together in your head.

The house had started to look more like a home, your home.

It was 9 pm by the time you decided to go to bed, it was early for your standards, but you'd had a long day.

He wasn't home yet.

You didn't know what time it was when you heard the front door open, but you were still awake, having tossed and turned hoping to tire yourself out for what felt like an eternity.

"hey" you murmured, once he entered the bedroom

"What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep"

He only nodded, as he started undressing

"So how did it go?"

"well," he said "Everyone seems nice enough"

"I'm glad" you smiled, turning on your side to look at him better "I unboxed everything for the living room today"

"cool," he sighed, hanging his suit and walking into the bathroom.

You laid there, listening to the toilet flush and the sink being shut on and off.

He emerged from the door again and made his way into the bed.

"And the contracting guy called" you continued, as he made himself comfortable "He'll come by tomorrow"

"that's good" he breathed, turning the light off 

"I told him what we wanna do and he said it shouldn't be a problem"

"yeah?" he asked, as you felt him shuffle closer to you

"Yup, he said he's done stuff like that before and he just needs to-" Your words got lost in your throat once you felt his hand travel to your chest.

"Richard?" you murmured, while his mouth moved to your shoulder and slowly up your neck.

The smell of his two hundred dollars aftershave hit your nostrils immediately.

"mh?" he hummed, letting his hand sneak down to find your ass through your shorts.

"Richard... I'm tired" you whimpered

"C'mon baby, you don't have to do anything I'll do all the work"

His hands on you felt inexplicably wrong right at that moment.

"I just-" you tried to slowly shift away from his grip "I've unpacked all day, I don't feel like it"

He emitted an audible groan "Y/n it's been like a month since you've last felt like it"

Your mouth closed as quickly as it had opened.

It was the truth, you hadn't been in the mood for a while now. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know- maybe tomorrow..."

He sighed, pushing himself off of you

"Whatever"

A small gust of air sent a shiver up your spine as he got up.

"where are you going?" you asked, watching his shadow move around the room.

"I'll just watch some tv or something"

"oh- alright," your voice was so small you almost didn't sound like yourself.

He didn't seem to hear you as he closed the door behind him, casting a veil of darkness over the room.

Once again, you were alone.

You turned towards the window, the moon's soft glow split the ocean of blue in the sky, shily lighting the neighborhood.

You felt a knot in your stomach, a sudden urge to cry, but as you watched the wind glide through the leaves and trees and grass, you were able to breathe, breath with each gust, slowly willing your heart to stop racing and your eyes to dry.

There was nothing to cry about.

Everything was good, great, fantastic even.

You had the perfect life.

Everything you had ever dreamed of was right in your grasp.

You just needed time, and everything was gonna work itself out fine.

…

Next chapter

...

(if you’d like to be added to the taglist comment or text me)

[madelynhimegami]

Lemres Guide

Tossing this out before leaving for work. I've almost definitely forgotten something

Lemres's general goal is to make those around him happy.

It's why he talks the way he does (especially in Japanese) and why he's so eager to give people sweets and desserts.

While he's very much aware of others being initially suspicious of him, he doesn't seem to realize that it's the aforementioned that does it.

My guess is, he believes people consider him sketchy is because of his outfit's colors.

Fever 2's description of his transformation item says that the robes of certified mages (at least in Primp's world) are enchanted to reflect the magic of the person wearing it.

Lemres's magic, much to his chagrin, is predisposed to dark magic, hence the darker green color.

He comes from am aristocratic family of dark mages. His parents often exploited his skill with magic to boost their reputation. He didn't like this.

It was during this period of his life that he learned how to bake, so he could do something with his hands that wasn't what his parents wanted.

He often snuck out of his house to share what he made with wild animals.

A chance encounter with Prince Salde led to Lemres first transforming him into the fish form he so often uses.

Salde's desire to flee from his home in search of freedom was what led to Lemres ultimately doing the same.

As mentioned, Lemres is a certified sorcerer, which is why he holds the title of Comet Warlock.

That being said, Lemres is still in school. He's high school student-aged (so 16-18), in fact.

He has opted to continue learning at his school, instead of accepting any apprenticeships he's been offered.

Lemres is perfectly capable of crafting his treats with magic, but prefers to continue making it by hand.

When he pulls treats from seemingly nowhere, he's actually summoning them from his (physical?) storage.

Lemres typically powers his spells using his own blood sugar as an energy source. It's easier for him to not perform any dark magic that way.

Either way, he eats the candy and pastries he makes to keep himself healthy.

Otherwise he risks becoming hypoglycemic when he uses too much magic (hence his story in 20th).

The other side of Lemres overall wanting to make people happy, is that he never wants to do anything that will make somebody unhappy. Even if it would mean making a better choice.

Generally, Lemres has pretty good social intelligence, and is able to read situations well.

He's at his best when he's helping others with simple problems. For instance, when Feli was struggling with Swap rules in Tet2, or when he bumped into Carbuncle in Puzzle Pop.

As things get more complex and/or personal, it becomes increasingly clear that Lemres gets awkward and makes poor decisions.

He's quite well aware of just how much Feli and Klug admire/crush on him, but he doesn't feel comfortable asserting his boundaries. He thinks if he flat-out rejects them, it would hurt them. So he feels like he has to just kinda awkwardly deal.

He is highly evasive where it concerns things he's in the know about that are not immediately part of the current story's plot, prefering to just say "It's nothing, don't worry about it" (whether it works, depends on who's paying attention).

He's particularly evasive about anything related to the Tome of Sealing, or about Sig's power, even when one or both are immediately part of the current story's plot.

The first time (since moving to Primp) that Sig started losing control of his power, Lemres tried to suggest to a worrying Amitie that maybe Sig just needed some time to breathe, away from her. Despite knowing full well that was absolutely not the issue.

(Amitie just became terrified that she had been a terrible friend)

Lemres isn't so stuck to his lies that he doesn't know when to fess up when there's no denying the truth, though. He's the one to first say, point-blank, that Sig will die if he can't rein in his power.

Granted, he's still very much still a kid. His poor decisions are also partially the result of just being an awkward teenager.

Example, when he encountered blackout-drunk Klug, he decided to not do anything about it, reasoning that it would pass through his system eventually, right?

He also didn't do so well with trying to convince Ecolo not to resort to murder.

And then there's his aforementioned fanclub, which he especially doesn't know what to do about when they start getting at each other's throats.

He outright admits to Lidelle that he wishes he knew how to get Klug and Feli to stop fighting.

He often consults Accord on serious matters, but as Lemres is not one of her students, it's not exactly clear what sort of relationship they have.

He probably has a similar working relation with Akuma, but we don't see it often because Akuma's isn't shown anymore.

Lemres does not attend Primp Magic School. He goes to an elite school at an as-of-yet-unnamed town located across the desert just outside of Primp Town.

If the fact that he got a sorcerer title while still in high school (and his boss-tier Puyo AI) didn't tip you off, Lemres genuinely is a genius at magic. He's able to figure out what he does about the given story's events because of how quick he is at figuring stuff out.

When engaging with others, Lemres generally tries to be polite, encouraging, and giving others the benefit of the doubt, regardless of personal feelings.

[sleepyfan-blog]

To Travel

Author’s note: The seventh fic for Nadesir! first. Previous. Next

Tagged: @egrets-not-regrets @kit-williams @bleedingichorhearts @i-am-a-dragon34 @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

Warnings: none? Please let me know if I missed something/if something bothers you

Summary: You have to go see your family. Vanya would like to come with you, but you turn him down for Reasons.

“Are you sure that I cannot come with you, my moon?”  Vanya asks as he looks down at you, a worried frown appearing on his face as he gently cups your face in one of his clawed hands. 

You shake your head, sighing a little “Most of my family are very… Wary around Space Marines, and while I know that you wouldn’t try and antagonize them on purpose… At least not at first, they would definitely try to antagonize you, and that would get very messy very quickly.” 

Vanya huffs, pouting a little at you “I would be able to keep my temper, no matter what your foolish family members might try to do or say in order to provoke my wrath. I’m sure it’s nothing that I wouldn’t be able to handle. I have dealt with idiots who think that because I am a Chaos-aligned Night Lord, that means that I am a mindless beast, rather than sentient and in full control of my thoughts, emotions and actions.”

There was… A lot about your family that you had chosen not to try and explain to Vanya, in part because you were quite certain that he’d be very, very unwilling to let you near any of them ever again. At least not without being in full armor and with his weapons at him at all times while you stayed at his side, in his wings, or on his shoulders the entire time. 

Yes, many of your family members were dangerous. But they generally did not pose a threat to you, who had taken a civilian job, who lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and did your best to keep out of the dangerous circles that the rest of your family ran around in and tried to control. “I know. But I’d rather not put you in a position where your temper is tested over and over again by other people whom I care for.” You had little doubt that Vanya would be able to handle any physical threat that your family attempted to pose at him… But going on the run with Vanya after he slaughtered half your family for deliberately provoking his temper was not something you were interested in doing. 

Especially now that you had been made aware of the fact that Astartes did have their own kind of internal investigative group. Which, really, you should have guessed was a thing, from how rigidly the loyalists (loyal to what, or to whom, none of them would ever explain to you) ran things in town. Still, the brief encounter you had with the Dark Angels had been mildly unsettling, though far from the most distressing event that had happened to you that day. 

Vanya let out a low, unhappy whine and shuffled closer to you, his wings twitching a little, as if he was restraining himself from scooping you up and hiding you in them. His fingers shift as he kneels down to be closer to your eye level. “If you are certain… Then I promise to not follow you to your family. But… Please keep in mind that should you need or wish for me to be by your side, you need only call and I will be there for you as soon as possible.” He pressed his forehead to yours, before giving you a light kiss.

You kiss him back, hugging him tightly. You did not want to go to the family reunion that your sister had half-blackmailed you into going to, but she’d found out about you getting kidnapped somehow - even though Vanya had rescued you and the other kidnapped people before the bastards had been able to get to wherever they were planning on holding yourself and the others. But she’d threatened to tell the family that you’d been kidnapped, and the absolute shitstorm that would occur, should the rest of them find out … Was not one you were interested in weathering. “I’ll keep that in mind, Vanya. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. See you then, love. I’ll call when the plane lands.” 

Vanya lets out a low, unhappy rumble in his chest, peering down at you with deep, endlessly dark midnight black eyes. Not for the first time you silently wondered if he could see in the dark, and had a reflective layer at the back of his eyes, considering how dark they were. That and his sensitivity to bright light. “Very well… I will take you to the airport at least… Yes?”

“Alright, you can drop me off at the terminal.” You allowed. You weren’t going to let him wait with you in the airport security area… Not only was he far more likely to get antsy and try to steal you away, you did not want to explain about the fact that your family had the wealth to charter you a private plane. Vanya didn’t seem to understand money very well, but even so. It would be enough of an oddity that you suspected that he would mention it to the other Astartes he frequently sparred and trained alongside of them, and some of them understood how the mortal economy worked very, very well. 

Vanya beamed in response, a pleased purr rumbling from his chest as he scooped you up, giving you little kisses on your cheeks and forehead, his wings wrapping around your body securely. “Thank you, my moon! Thank you!” before he started rumbling at you in one of the other languages he spoke. One that you did not understand, though you were trying to learn. 

You can’t help but giggle a little at his enthusiasm, and you kiss and hug him back as best as you can. You’re half-dreading the trip, but Vanya’s fierce love and care for you has been such a wonderful, if unexpected blessing in your life. 

~

Vanya carries you and the suitcase he helped you pack the entire way to the airport that the plane that your family had chartered for you to fly to your childhood home in. The airport in question was one of the three in the large town that was several hours’ drive away from the small town that you’d settled in, and found Vanya in. Given that Astartes can run at the speed of most cars, you weren’t surprised that he preferred to do this, rather than squish his way into a cab next to you. 

The airport is, as ever, incredibly busy with dozens of cars driving up and dropping off people heading to the planes that they need or want to catch. You can see a handful of other Astartes in the crush of people making their way through the different doors into the building itself. Vanya is the only Night Lord you can see, but that doesn’t surprise you very much. It is mid morning, the sun is high in the sky, and there are so many people and what must be a truly cacophonous amount of noise to the highly-sensitive hearing of an astartes. 

You can tell that Vanya is starting to get overstimulated, by the way his body shifts and shakes a little- the way his eyes dart around everywhere and the way that he hovers closer to you. “Hey… Vanya, darling…” You call out, voice quiet but loud enough to catch his attention.

“Yes, my moon?” Vanya asks, eyes wide and focused on you. His wings twitch and his hands are clenching and unclenching a little. 

“Thank you for taking me to the airport. I tried explaining how busy it would be, even at eight in the morning on a Tuesday, but…” You gesture around helplessly “It’s hard to really explain it, if you don’t have the context.”

“You are welcome, my love. I will be waiting for your call once you land.” Vanya rumbled unhappily, bending over to give you a hug. He buries his face into the side of your neck.

You run a hand through his thick, dark hair, turning your head to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I will. Fly free, Vanya.”

“You as well, my moon.” He rumbles, giving you one last kiss before very reluctantly letting you go. He watches as you enter the airport building before he turned away and started jogging at an easy, swift pace that he could maintain for weeks if he needed to. He would rather have gone with you to meet your family, but would respect your wishes… Despite how difficult doing so was for him.

[aotopmha]

All of the takes from the higher end FFXIV players I've seen recently feel so out of touch/narrow-minded to me.

I see people complaining about healers when I ran the most recent dungeon as one just the other day and we wiped several times.

I already saw someone complain that the FFXI raid is "easier than Aglaia" when every single run I've had has taken a significant amount of timer and at least a one or two wipes on a boss or two (or more).

Compared to all of the other Alliance Raids, I actually feel like the challenge here is to learn faster play, rather than to avoid wiping. It's the first time I've seen an Alliance Raid reach the end tail of the timer.

Granted, this is the first time I've done anything "on content" (and I've only seen footage of older day one runs, so maybe previous first day runs of Alliance Raids were similarly difficult), but to me, all of this stuff at the very least feels so much more unique and substantial than a lot of the encounters in a bunch of the previous expansions; this feels really cool and unique in its own right.

Prishe's proximity attacks, the group fight with the Archangels (which has a pretty cool use of interrupts), and Shadowlord's twists on various AoE attacks themselves are really cool.

And to me difficulty isn't the only value of an encounter.

They just don't seem to understand that not everyone consumes the game the same way they do, don't seem to have the ability to put themselves in others' shoes nor have the ability to understand that only a small portion of players play at their level.

I don't play healer often and I felt challenged by the recent dungeon.

I felt this whenever I saw some complain about Endwalker encounters, as well, but there I got it better because I could understand the complaint about how formulaic some of the encounters felt.

All Dawntrail encounters have felt unique and, most of all, substantial, to me.

And that was my personal gripe with particularly Endwalker's patch content. Many of the bosses did not have mechanics which evolved and/or had quite slow-paced useage/distribution of mechanics.

I suppose a game has the responsibility to entertain players on all levels of play, but this time around I understand the complaints much less as I see a lot of truly inventive encounter design that brings in ideas the game hasn't used much before.

And even after I stepped into harder content (extremes), the normal content never automatically became a bore to me; just different type of content.

In the end, I suppose I just disagree with people's consumption philosophy, then.

I think the game doesn't need to be "hard", just "substantial", so I suppose it's a very specific difference of opinion, which simply clashes with this different perspective and doesn't gel with the reality within the game I've seen.

I hope those who are unhappy will get something that makes them happy, but I also struggle a bit to see what the encounter designers could do to please this perspective.

Just copy Ivalice step by step? Just complete bullshit with bad telegraphing? Because that's where I felt like a bunch of Ivalice's challenge came from. It was challenging because some of the telegraphing could take a bit to parse and at points only made sense if you paid attention to every little tiny detail. It was challenging because it was pretty unintuitive and while I enjoyed it a lot and the bullshit is "funny", it's not "fun".

Math isn't bad because of the math, it's bad because you have to figure out how it works first. It can tell you "vitals", but the first time you do this, you don't necessarily automatically make all of the connections in the short time the fight gives you. And I personally think this is an issue of conveyance/bad design.

How are you supposed to figure out you need to let the sniper shoot you rather than use to shield to shield yourself in the moment? Where is the logic in that?

Even the magnet stuff is actually good.

Good conveyance is vague, but still solvable in the moment, like Prishe's wind-up punches.

But as said, I suppose I consume video games differently than most FFXIV/MMO players because in my mostly single-player gaming experience bad conveyence/design isn't "part of the fun", it's just bad design.

I can love a game despite it having these issues in its encounters, but to me it is an aspect to criticize when it happens and despite the repetitious nature of MMO design, I think this issue shouldn't just be glossed over because I think you can do challenge without these clunky elements.

[millenianthemums]

i can’t sleep because i keep thinking about this one short story collection i read as a kid… maybe one of you out there knows what it is

i don’t remember the title, author, or cover design, but it was a collection of short stories for a younger audience themed around aliens and UFO encounters. it was very lighthearted and pro-alien, which was why i loved it so much. i was always hunting for any alien media i could find as a kid, but most of it didn’t hit the spot because the aliens were supposed to be scary, and i was the opposite of scared of aliens. i felt like this author really understood me, the friendless tween who LOVED sci-fi and aliens, and believed on some level that the real reason he didn’t connect with others was because he wasn’t actually human, and one day his benevolent alien peers would come whisk him away to space and save him from his shitty life on earth. turns out i was just autistic. but still.

the story i REALLY want to find was about a woman who receives a signal from aliens saying that they were searching for humans who were unhappy or alone on earth, offering to take them to their planet where they can be happy and understood. so she follows the clues they gave and meets up with like 10-20 other desperately lonely people who are following the same signal, and they all search together and eventually find the ship. but the aliens see how many people came and say “we’re sorry, we can’t take all of you, and it would be wrong to just take some and leave the rest behind. so we’ll have to leave all of you here.” and the humans are really upset, begging the aliens not to leave them alone, but the aliens say “you’re not alone.” and the humans realize they had found the community they needed in each other.

it should go without saying that this story DESTROYED me. if i had gotten a signal like that from aliens at the time in my life when i read that book, i would have left a dust cloud behind me SPRINTING to that spaceship. i also probably would have jumped and grabbed the hull and refused to let go if they tried to leave without me. i was like 12. anyway, i really wanna find that book. mostly because i remember thinking that author really GOT it, in a way that nobody else i ever talked to about aliens seemed to, and i wanna know how they’re doing

[typellblog]

Kizumonogatari - An Analysis

You could consider Bakemonogatari as a template of sorts for what a Monogatari arc ‘should’ look like. 

There’s Koyomi, our protagonist, and then there’s a girl, and the problem faced by her in the form of an oddity. There’s Koyomi’s fumbling attempts to help her, contrasted by Oshino Meme’s actually useful advice. Oddities appear for a reason. She’s not a victim, not exactly. Koyomi always figures it out a little too late, and in the end all he can do is watch as she just goes ahead and saves herself. 

Nonetheless, his presence is key. He’s the one who reaches out, who actually makes the attempt to help. Oshino would never solve such problems of his own volition, not when the situation is so neatly balanced with oddities that act according to their functions and people who conjured them out of their own wishes. Koyomi is the one that recognises people’s desire to be saved, even if they try to push him away at first. 

There are some quirks to this within the Bake arcs themselves, but when you line up Kizu next to them, the way it transforms this fundamental formula is like night and day.

Koyomi Vamp

For one thing, this time the one that encounters an oddity is Koyomi himself.

The encounter itself was random, but as Koyomi puts it, the following events were only made possible because it was him. There aren’t many humans that would give up their lives for a dying vampire.

He’s motivated, in part, by a sense of worthlessness. His own life is that little of a thing. He thinks he’s ruined it already, and hopes to do better in his next reincarnation. But the way he puts it is interesting. He’ll be someone glib, who dances around relationships, who doesn’t feel guilt, who doesn’t worry about things, who insists on getting his way and blames his problems on other people.

We see a contrast being developed between being a ‘good’ person and a happy one. To Koyomi his conscience, his attentiveness to others, his overthinking are all burdens. They’re the reason why he can’t easily form relationships.

Making friends would ‘lower his intensity as a human’. If having friends allows one to share in their happiness, he points out that we must also share in their unhappiness, take their suffering upon oneself in some way or another. Anything less would be shallow – at least to Koyomi, whose loner attitude conceals a shocking ability to dedicate himself to others.

This contradiction drives him to suicide.

It is, functionally speaking, suicide. He doesn’t express any suicidal ideation before meeting Kiss-Shot, things aren’t so bad for him that he’s actively considering ending it, but nonetheless when put in a situation that allows him to give up his life, he does so.

This is really what is being referred to when he calls it a ‘hellish’ summer break. Just purely looking at the events that took place, one might question whether it really deserves that title, especially compared to some of the experiences we see him go through in Bake. After all, he’s not in much real danger for most of it. The vampire hunters are scary, but not the most difficult opponents.

No, where the summer break of Kizumonogatari really earns the moniker of a ‘hell’ is in how Koyomi is so thoroughly isolated from humanity. Vampires walk at night, they exist within a different world, they aren’t treated as human, their very presence is a danger to humans, and into that situation is thrust Koyomi Araragi, who is already so hopeless about his ability to interact with others that he freely offered up all the blood in his body.Traditionally, though,  the question that vampirism asks about this situation is how do you feel about it? Isn’t it great not having to worry about stuff like that anymore? Being isolated from humanity is also a freedom from responsibility, restriction, limitation – as represented by the vampire’s supernatural abilities. But from beginning to end, Koyomi desires none of this. His goal of returning to being human doesn’t change.

Iron-blooded, hot-blooded, yet cold-blooded

This is where the three vampire hunters are interesting.

A sentence I never expected to type going into this, honestly.

Why, though? In theory they’re important antagonists to this arc. But as characters within the overall Monogatari series, they languish at the bottom of the faves tierlists.

No doubt being men doesn’t help. They’re not ‘arc characters’, their relationships with Koyomi never get developed in the same way those of female characters do. Men are reserved for antagonists almost entirely in this series, and if you’ll permit me to be a bit speculative I would argue that it’s because women represent an ‘other’ that he’s trying to connect to, while the men are alternative versions of himself.

Take Episode, for example. Like Koyomi, he’s trapped between two different worlds. He resents both humans and vampires, and that emotion is what motivates him to hunt. He’s hot-blooded, if you will. Hanekawa is hurt during their battle, and Koyomi’s emotional response almost brings him to the point of killing Episode.

On the other hand, we have Guillotine Cutter. Unlike the other two, he’s fully human. He’s also far more vicious and underhanded. Cold-blooded, if you will. To defeat him, Koyomi must become literally inhuman. Becoming a plant is something that he’s been thinking about for a while, long before he became a vampire. Koyomi wanted to become something inhuman, to be free from his social responsibilities, for a long time. But now that he’s a vampire it’s precisely his connections with people like Hanekawa that make him want to turn back. 

The progression where Koyomi becomes more vampire-like to defeat increasingly human opponents feels like it’s commenting on how the more vampiric he gets the more callous he becomes until you realise the exact opposite holds for the hunters.

Dramaturgy, the full-blooded vampire, is the most reasonable of the bunch. He offers a path forward for Koyomi, the opportunity to become like him. The fact that Koyomi turns him down regardless shows that this was never about how humane the opponent, nor how many parts vampire they were. ‘If you want to stay human, then you’re human,” Oshino says.  Iron blood flows in them all, and from the beginning to the end this was about nothing more than protecting Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade.

Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade

Koyomi says that Kiss-Shot is someone whose meaning changes based on the observer. To the vampire hunters, she is a monster that ought to be killed. To Koyomi, she is a victim that ought to be protected. To Oshino, she represents a disruption to the balance between humans and oddities. 

Probably the most important way in which Kiss-Shot's mercurial nature is demonstrated in Kizumonogatari is through the various physical forms she adopts, growing in apparent age as she regains her lost limbs.

It's easy to see her as a child, perhaps even in her adult form. She's whimsical, prone to sudden bursts of emotion. There's a lot of things she lacks experience in. Koyomi meeting her bleeding out on the street might have been the first time she ever feared for her life. It's explicitly stated that Koyomi giving up his life for her is the first time another person did something for her sake. And as a result her decision to spare his life and make him a thrall seems to be one of the few times she's ever cared for the life of another person. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Koyomi seeks to protect her. 

On the other hand, her disregard towards human life is not feigned. She asks Koyomi to come and give her his blood without really considering what his motivations might be for following such an order. Humans are essentially bugs to her - Meme's stealing of her heart is forgiven instantly. She doesn't hold a grudge, the only thing that matters is whether she has it back or not. Eating Guillotine Cutter was not a deliberate strategy to make Koyomi want to kill her, she simply did so as if it was the most natural thing in the world. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why the vampire hunters seek to slay her. 

Kiss-Shot is in many ways set apart from the oddities of Bakemonogatari. They derive their existence from humans, appear when they’re called on. They exist for a reason, and in doing so form their own kind of uneasy balance with the afflicted person.  In comparison Kiss-Shot feels more real, affixed more firmly to the world, a character in her own right. With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Oshino wants to balance her. 

In doing so, he forces her to latch on to Koyomi Araragi, to offer him a ‘solution’ for his problems in the same way as any other oddity, and to become dependent on him to achieve her goals.

Oshino successfully mediates between Koyomi, who wants to save her, and the vampire hunters, who want to kill her, through the simple fact that she herself has reached a perfect balancing point between these two goals. She wants Koyomi to rescue her from the vampire hunters so she can die on her own terms. 

I mentioned Koyomi's suicidality earlier, but this story is also driven by how it manifests for Kiss-Shot. She became bored. It's the most common killer of vampires. When she talks with Koyomi on the roof, she says she has nothing interesting to talk about. Her long life has simply consisted of running around and fighting vampire hunters. The fact she wants to talk to Koyomi at all is significant, here. Not about anything in particular. She just wants to chat to someone. 

For all the differences between them, Kiss-Shot, too, is driven to suicide by an inability to connect to those around her, even if she doesn't consciously recognise it as such.

With that in mind, it’s not difficult to understand why Koyomi forces her to live, at the very end.

Hanekawa Tsubasa

Last time, with Tsubasa Cat, one element of the openings that I didn't touch on was how they show Hanekawa in positions that seemed like she might be about to take her own life. High places, train tracks. I didn't bother bringing it up, because it was getting late and also it didn't really seem to feature outside the openings, but here in Kizu it becomes more apparent.

She says, directly, that she wouldn’t call someone a friend if she wasn’t ready to die for them. This is a lie, she's talking about Koyomi specifically, but at least in his case she does die for him, intervening in his fight with Episode and having her torso blown apart by his giant cross. She offers to let Koyomi drink her blood. She intervenes again when he's fighting Kiss-Shot, with seemingly little regard for her own life. Both Oshino and Koyomi can agree that it's honestly kinda creepy.

The motivations behind her behaviour can be distinguished from Koyomi and Kiss-Shot, but there is another similarity: lack of friends.

It's somewhat inconceivable, after spending so much time in Koyomi's perspective, given such an idealised picture of her, but it seems apparent that she struggles with a similar problem to his own. She might be on good terms with a lot of people, she certainly knows a lot of people, but how many of them really know her? There's a reason why she's always alone on her night-time walks. 

She says she wanted to meet a vampire. The idea of something beyond human, something that isn't limited in the same ways she is, is an exciting idea to her. According to Kuro, at least, it's a way of breaking her out of her ordinary everyday life.

The thing about Hanekawa, I am slowly beginning to grasp, is that just because she tries to act normal, that doesn’t mean she has normal reactions to things. Rather, she treats the situation she finds herself in as if its normal and acts accordingly, leading to lines such as ‘he only hit me once, it’s perfectly understandable’, or acceding to requests to see her panties with almost zero hesitation, or treating someone sucking your blood and killing you as a totally normal thing to let your friend do, even when she’s clearly motivated by some special consideration towards Koyomi.

It’s a facade that doesn’t just mask her true feelings, but twists them into something else. She says that she never lies, something which is obviously untrue, but in a sense she’s always convincing herself, on one level or another, that she genuinely believes the things she’s saying.

This interacts interestingly with the series’ approach to fanservice. So far it’s mostly been played straight - with Hachikuji it’s a gag, with Nadeko it feels gratuitous, and stuff like Hitagi undressing in front of Koyomi is just that - here’s her naked body, look at it if you want. There’s a reason why she does that, but it doesn’t really connect to any deeper themes, it’s just there.

With Hanekawa in Kizu it is again gratuitous, it is again used for comedy, it is again just there because Nisio just wanted to do it, but the way Hanekawa’s brain works adds an interesting level to it. She’s surprisingly unbothered by the first instance where the wind flips her skirt, going so far as to deliberately engage Koyomi in conversation afterwards.

By the time of the second main incident, we’ve developed the idea that Koyomi is ashamed by his lust for her. He tries to push her away on the grounds that he’s too dangerous to be friends with, and the bluffed request for her to show her panties again feels in line with this, somehow. He’s trying to prove to her that he isn’t really the sort of guy she should bother herself with. 

She nonetheless takes the request completely seriously. It’s not that she’s just that literal-minded, she clearly knows what’s going on in Koyomi’s head (better than he does, sometimes), this is just her general pattern of behaviour when responding to him. Rather than setting boundaries, she indicates that she doesn’t really have any. This successfully shocks him out of the idea that he actually presents a danger to her. When it comes down to it he’s not actually going to look at a girl’s panties after being so brazenly presented with them. He’s kind of a coward. 

Hanekawa, on the other hand, Koyomi considers cool, someone who can decide on a course of action and stick with it. She isn’t swayed by silly whims like he is. In one sense, it’s true, but it’s also a reflection of the way he idolizes her. Hanekawa herself states that it’s not self-sacrifice, but self-satisfaction. Her actions, in this novel, aren’t directed towards any particular sort of justice, a particular perspective on Kiss-Shot, like Koyomi, Oshino, and the vampire hunters are motivated by. She is more or less just trying to help Koyomi, to be liked by him, even if it requires her to do absolutely ridiculous things like let him grope her boobs. 

One line I want to emphasize from that scene is Hanekawa’s offhand remark that she was prepared to lose her virginity. It’s presented as a joke but I’m fairly sure she’s not lying! It doesn’t present a particular desire to have sex with Koyomi, just a sort of resignation to the fact that this is the inevitable consequence of letting him do whatever he wants with her. I’m not saying she’s not attracted to him at all - I mean, she does feel up his muscles a bit earlier - but her vision of how this relationship will progress seems to be entirely on Koyomi’s terms. Which proves to be a bit awkward for her when Hitagi enters the picture later, but I digress. 

Her reaction to Koyomi’s hilariously stupid reasoning for why he needs to cop a feel (so that he doesn’t get distracted by Kiss-Shot’s enormous breasts when fighting her) is that it was even stupider than she was expecting. Because she was expecting a stupid justification, and is preparing herself to accept it regardless!

He doesn’t end up going through with it, which is probably better for the both of them all things considered, but does once again establish Koyomi as a massive coward. 

In any case, I really think these fanservice scenes help establish Hanekawa as a character who is willing to objectify herself for the sake of approval from others. That’s not to say she’s easily influenced, but rather that the self-satisfaction that she’s chasing, the life she’s chosen, is one where she’s constantly required to sacrifice her self.

Self-sacrifice and self-satisfaction

Again, this contrast between being a good person and a ‘happy’ one. The hypothetical ‘truly’ self-sacrificing person would do so to satisfy the desires of others, not just their own.

What Koyomi did for Kiss-Shot may have been beautiful, he says, but it wasn’t right. He saw the situation in the way that was most convenient for him, only chose to help the person that looked like she needed saving and ignored the consequences to anyone else. 

As long as I was weak, Kiss-Shot says. As long as they’re weak, as long as they look like they’re suffering, Koyomi would save anyone. 

Like Hanekawa puts it, he just doesn’t like it when people die. Even though he wouldn’t mind that much if he did. 

Previously I've discussed how Hitagi's oddity led to, and in doing so came to represent, her isolation and inability to connect with others. Koyomi's vampirism does something similar. He talks a big game about how having friends might increase the burden on him, but isn't the thing he's most worried about here that he might become a burden on his friends, that they would give up too much for him, that his selfish, vampiric nature would influence him into draining them dry? 

Vampirism doesn’t represent a freedom from social connections, it makes you far more reliant on humans than you were already. Not in the sense of having a mutual relationship with them, but a one-way predator-prey dynamic. 

This is why Koyomi barely even considers Kiss-Shot responsible for her actions. It's only natural that she, as a vampire, would eat humans. It's necessary for her survival. She herself doesn't understand it to be evil, so the only one he can blame is himself for enabling her to do so. 

It's a dysfunctional relationship. He takes Kiss-Shot's burdens upon himself precisely because of his intensity as a human. She herself doesn't feel burdened by the deaths she causes at all. Because she's a vampire.

It's Hanekawa that saves him by saying that it would be running away from his responsibilities and that the only solution is for him to be the one to defeat Kiss-Shot. For him to die here would just be self-satisfaction, the sacrifice wouldn’t achieve anything. 

But look at how she approaches this.

She sees Koyomi's fear of becoming a danger to people around him and accepts it instantly. He can eat her, if he wants. It’s a similar thing to the fanservice scenes. Setting no boundaries, reminding Koyomi that he, in fact, isn’t that willing to hurt other people. 

Koyomi isn't put in the position of needing to understand Hanekawa, of desperately trying to connect with her. She's the one that insists on helping him. He's the one that tries to throw her off, act as though her kindness isn't needed.

To Koyomi, Hanekawa is the one doing an unwanted favour, one that he eventually realises is what saved his life. 

Because Koyomi, unlike the previous arcs, isn’t the one that has to help a person dealing with the oddity. The one dealing with the oddity is him. Hanekawa is the one who supports and reaches out to him. But she can’t solve the problem for him. She can’t make the decision.

In the end, all he can do is go ahead and save himself.

Kizumonogatari

Why do vampires even work like that, anyway? 

That thralls are made by default when sucking blood, and to avoid turning someone, the vampire can consume them entirely, makes sense. It allows for the drama of realising that Kiss-Shot deliberately kept Koyomi as a thrall. It also ensures that Kiss-Shot’s existence is, no way how you go about it, a crime. To feed she must kill, or else turn more people into vampires.

But the only way of turning back to a human - the way that Hanekawa could apparently find by looking it up in the library - is to feed from the one who turned you, and kill them. A symbolic act of defying their control. (In the same way that patting Kiss-Shot’s head is an important proof of subjugation?) 

Here, though, it’s presented as something that Kiss-Shot was planning to do to Koyomi, a technique of freeing one’s thrall that she gained the ability to use since her first died.

It all goes full circle. Being a vampire is about dying. For Koyomi, who was killed by Kiss-Shot to become one. For Kiss-Shot, who seeks to die in order to change him back. 

There’s a sense of balance to it. No doubt Oshino was pleased. Vampires are the Kings of Oddities, beings powerful enough that they don’t really have to follow the rules, but at the same time, they’re self-balancing. 90% of vampire deaths are by suicide. 

Oddities are, by nature, self-balancing. It’s why Oshino doesn’t go seeking them out of his own accord. Perhaps he can’t. He’s just an intermediary between here and there, after all. He has to be contacted by one side to start the process. There has to be some evidence of unhappiness, of a desire to change the situation. 

Koyomi is put in this position time and time again in Bakemonogatari, asking Oshino to intervene on the behalf of the people he encounters. 

Yet in Kizumonogatari, he is, from start to end, not on the side of any person. He’s on the side of the monsters. It’s on Kiss-Shot’s behalf that he begs Oshino to intervene, because a balance that forces one party to suffer alone is not a balance he can abide.

He can’t save Kiss-Shot. He can’t end her suffering. If anything, you can argue he made it worse. 

What he can do is take a portion of her burden on himself, literally lower his ‘intensity as a human’ by retaining some of his vampire traits, and keep her alive. He keeps traces of the wound she inflicted on him, in exchange for the wounds he inflicts on her lasting forever as well. “Damaged goods both, we sought out each other.” They each have a bit of themselves missing now, something they can only find in each other. 

It’s selfishness, unquestionably. He’s fine with that. He knows he’s doing something that will hurt her. He’s fine with that. 

That’s the difference. The fear of his own vampiric selfishness is gone now. For better or worse, from this point he’s okay with being a bit insistent in getting to know people, not afraid of possibly hurting them in an attempt to help. 

He’s persistent in pursuing Hitagi, not just because his vampire abilities allow him to recover from the wounds she inflicts, but because his experience as a vampire reminds him how low someone can be dragged by isolation, and how much someone stretching out a hand can help. 

Coming into Kizumonogatari it feels like Bakemonogatari’s vampiric inversion, but by the end it’s clearly more like a prototype, at least when it comes to Koyomi’s attitude. His first stumbling attempts at helping.

And that’s all for now. No funny anime pictures this time! It was a deliberate choice, I promise, not because I just forgot to take screenshots while rewatching the movies (oops . . . ). But, I mean, I barely touched on the adaptation in this essay anyway, preferring to work off the text of the novel where possible. Considering the level of artistry on display in the movies, they probably deserve their own post. Which I will not be making any time soon, because oh my god I want to get to Nise already. 

[omegapheromone]

I was thinking about this post and the ensuing conversation about retail and customer service workers. In the notes there is a lot of talk about the more scent-oriented stuff, but in this post, I wanna talk about something else that occurred to me.

Karens/Kevins in Omegaverse.

I should immediately state that I'm not from the US, so my personal experiences with Karens may differ somewhat, and my overall understanding of the "trope" or "personality type" is based on both my own non-US experiences and personal anecdotes and stories/footage/other posts I've encountered online. To me it seems Karens are quite universal and have very similar traits regardless of where in the world you are (entitlement, selfishness, bigoted opinions, thinking themselves better than others and just the sheer audacity), but I figured I should state I'm not personally familiar with the US Karen specifically, only through online accounts of encounters.

Anyhow! In the post I linked above I talked about the concept of "alpha males" and "incels" except translated into actual omegaverse- but I don't think I've ever seen anyone talk about what KARENS (or just, shitty not-alpha-male or incel/niceguy/nicegirl types) would be like in Omegaverse. Here are some things I personally feel like would be very common to Karens and Kevins, and the different kinds of them one might encounter.

Types Of Karens in Omegaverse/A/B/O/+

(Or in other words, a look at different types of shitty people in general, using the term Karen/Kevin rather generously.)

*note: while I'm classifying the different types of Karens into omega/beta/alpha, it doesn't mean that all Karens of said type MUST be of the dynamic mentioned- any dynamic or subdynamic can express the behaviors of a specific Karen-type, it's just more common for certain dynamics to embody a specific stereotypical karen-ness.

Omega (Ω) Karen, type: "Bitter"/"Bitter&Entitled"

Often, when speaking about "Karens", this is the type that comes into mind first. Karens of this type are the most likely to be similar to the perfect stereotype of a soccer mom parent, who believes they're entitled to anything and everything simply because they exist. They will not hesitate to use their kids/pups as an excuse to demand special treatment, and are exactly the type to berate a teacher for their own brat misbehaving in class, because "my McKaylwynn could NEVER, she's an ANGEL!". Almost always, they are trying very hard to live through their own kids, and often show favouritism towards any alpha children they may have. These are the type who will wonder why their kids move out at 18 and almost never talk to them. These Karens almost always stay in unhappy marriages at any cost, as they believe their alpha is what gives them their status and worth to a large extent, and often factors such as religious views on divorce being bad or a belief of bonding being "for life" is a part of this. They can, and in many cases DO cheat on their partners, however (and the partner likely does the same anyway). Military wives (the stereotypical kind) are a subtype of this Karen.

Usually, on the inside, these Karens are bitter omegas who grew up in conservative enviroments and internalized the idea that their purpose is to have kids. Now that they've had those kids, they feel entitled to special treatment, because they've supposedly been a "model omega" and believe that they deserve to be praised. These Karens are the type to ask other (often young) omega family members invasive questions during family gatherings, and tell them "they'll get it when they have pups of their own!". These Karens also cannot fathom the idea that an omega may choose to remain child-free, and does not approve of any same-dynamic relationships, especially omega/omega ones, as they believe it's "just a phase" and "they just need to meet the right Alpha to change their minds".

Deep down, as I mentioned, these Karens are likely just extremely bitter individuals, who have convinced themselves their lives are "good" and that they are "happy" because it follows the conservative ideal for an omega's role. Almost certainly, these Karens actually had dreams and ambitions of their own that were squashed by the enviroment they grew up and lived in, so now they are hellbent on taking out that bitterness on anyone who dares to step outside the mold for the "ideal omega", even more so if those individuals are clearly happy doing what THEY want. Usually, these Karens aren't aware of any of this however, so introspection and therapy are rarely going to help as their protective barrier of entitlement and self-impotance is simply too strong at this point.

Common phrases of the Bitter & Entitled Karen:

"I want to talk to your manager!"

"The HOA rules clearly state that..."

"Don't you KNOW who my husband is????"

"You'll get it when you have children of your own."

"Excuse me, don't you see that my child wants to play with your (valuable personal item, i.e. phone). Give it to them NOW! They're a CHILD! They deserve it MORE!"

"What do you mean you don't sell organic, dairy-free, gluten-free, gmo-free butter here? I want to speak to the owner of this place."

"Speak (language), this is (country), or go back to where you came from!!!"

"My husband knows the mayor. I will have you fired for talking like that to my precious child! They are NOT a bully, they would NEVER do something like that!!! Are you saying I raised MY CHILD badly? Do you even have kids of your OWN?"

"I shouldn't have to WAIT for service, don't you see I have KIDS?"

"Those two alphas shouldn't be holding hands in public, it'll confuse my child"

"My child started saying they're 'transdynamic' or something, I don't accept that kind of stuff in my house so I sent them to a camp to set them right. It was that or moving out at 15."

"No, my husband is never home, he's a BUSY man!"

"I wonder why my children don't talk to me"

Bonus: (Excessive use of a public f*cebook profile where they share increasingly personal details and very misinformed articles and talk about how it's the fault of 5G/gay people/vaccines/etc that their kids refuse to call them on mother's day)

☆

Omega (Ω) Karen, type: "self-centered" (outdated term: "Narcissistic")

This is another type of omega-dynamic Karen, however, this type is less focused on their offspring and the entitlement they feel over being a "good omega wife/partner/husband". They're also less of a traditional Karen in the sense that they'll rarely cause public disturbances that inconvenience others, but they definitely aren't incapable of doing that.

The "self-centered" type (Omega) Karens are usually the children of wealthy, or at least upper middle-class families, but this is not mandatory as they can be found in any and every "class" of society. It's mostly about how they were raised in said families, than the financial background: either very spoiled, or not really paid much attention to and given no rules as a kid. These Karens also tend to be women, though exceptions exist- this is mostly because they've grown up believing themselves to be superior to especially Beta, but also Alpha females. Male omegas of this subtype exist as well, however their sense of superiority often comes from a deep sense of insecurity, and they've adopted the self-centered personality as a defense mechanism against said insecurity.

These Karens are demanding, self-centered, and have a sense of superiority over everyone except maybe people in high positions in society. Almost certainly, they were a "mean girl" or bully at some point in their life, and you can often find these types of Omega Karens going into nursing, child-care, and other traditionally "omega" professions: not because they enjoy it, but rather, because they enjoy the power they have on the people under their care. This is the main difference between this type of Karen and the previous type; These ones tend to use their status as an omega to their advantage, rather than their children/husbands/role as a "model omega wife"/etc like the Bitter one might.

Unlike the more conservatively-minded "Bitter Karen", these "self-centered" Karens are not afraid of break-ups or divorce, and often actually use it as a threat to manipulate their partners. These Karens are less likely to use the "don't you KNOW who my husband is?!?!" Sentence, but will do so if they happen to be dating someone even moderately important (which could mean anything from "the general manager at the local grocery store" to "talked to the mayor's secretary once" to someone ACTUALLY important, such as a CEO or the mayor, etc.) Often, if these Karens end up having children, it's to try to baby trap someone, whether it works or not. They usually don't actually care about their kids at all, but WILL use them as ammo/shield for any criticism the same way a bitter Karen might. These Karens are also more likely to date Betas, unlike the previous type who often believes that an omega should only date an Alpha. The self-centered type Karen often is a more manipulative type, where they'll use others to get their way, while the bitter type tends to demand things more directly. Their goals also tend to be more about themselves than their status or kids, i.e. they may buy themselves luxury items while ignoring their own children's needs.

This Karen is somewhat less likely to fall for Antivaxx/Conspiracy theory stuff than the "bitter" type (however, not immune), but the ones that do usually end up being the especially dangerous "crystal mom" types. These Karens, unlike the Bitter type, still retain their own interests and hobbies, though these hobbies and interests almost always are centered around whatever will increase their status and make them seem more desirable and good. Their sense of "perfection" does not come from being the "perfect omega" as in mother and wife, but rather, being as desirable as possible, usually to alphas, but honestly, even a sufficiently well-off Beta will do. While many Karens of this type could be called gold-diggers who are attempting to climb the ranks of society, this isn't necessarily the case: rather, it's the APPEARANCE of being "better than", that drives them, in whichever social circle they happen to be in. This could mean becoming a recruiter for a MLM scheme, becoming the "leader" of their local crystal mom group on f*cebook that everyone looks up to for advice, posting to social media about going on (fake) luxury trips and about spending (nonexistent) money to induce envy in family members and so on. Basically, these Karens seek power and acceptance/admiration, or at least, the appearance of it- whether that is in the form of wealth, knowledge, or by being the head nurse at the local old folks home. They crave being envied and admired more than they crave actual status, hence why they're prone to exaggerating on social media. Often, this chronic desire for power is a result of growing up as an Omega and feeling powerless because of their status and enviroment- only to eventually realize they can actually use it to gain power. This type of Karen loves to use their scent/pheromones excessively to affect others around them, and doesn't like to be told to control their pheromones. They will claim a disease or state that their pheromones are just naturally strong and act like the victim, if told to reel it in for the sake of others.

**Various people may refer to this type of Karen as "Narcissistic" or "Narcissist", however, having NPD is not a requirement to behave this way, nor does having NPD automatically make anyone behave this way- it's considered offensive to Cluster B Personality Disorder sufferers to refer to these Karens this way, which is why "self-centered" is the appropriate term to use.

Common phrases of the Self-Centered Karen:

"Are you saying I'm a bad person? I did my best! It's not my fault you feel that way!"

"I'm going to break up with you if you don't ...."

"Heyyy girl!! Long time no chat bestie!!! So, I have this business proposal I was wanting to tell you about, ..."

"Umm, what do you mean I need to wear a scent blocker patch here, I'm allergic to the adhesive!!!"

"It can't hurt that much, shut up already. I already gave you paracetamol, just wait for the X-rays, will you? It's probably not even broken, jeez..."

"Umm what do you MEAN my coffee isn't ready, I'm gonna be late for work!!! I'll report you to the branch manager if you don't hurry up!"

(Posts a picture of a [possibly counterfeit] Louis Vuitton/etc expensive brand bag on instagram and facebook with a caption such as "love treating myself a little♡" or "a little gift from my darling😍", clearly trying to one-up someone or cause envy in gheir social circle)

"My pheromones are naturally really strong sorry :'( I caaaaan't do anything about it!"

"You don't know what it's like to raise three kids alone! I'm basically a super-mom! Just ask my kids!" (Forces the Kids to say their mom is their role model)

(Aggressively flirts with any alpha/beta in a nicely pressed suit in the hopes of luring in a lawyer/CEO/rich man)

"SHUT up Jessie, don't you see mommy/daddy's busy talking on the phone to someone? Go to your room already!"

"My Ex was so abusive" (the Ex was actually the victim)

☆

Beta (Β) Karen/Kevin, type: "hateful bigot"

This type of "Karen" is more likely to be of any gender, rather than usually being a woman, hence why Karen/Kevin in the title.

These Karens/Kevins are practically always Betas, however their gender (male/female/other) can be anything. The reason they're called the "Hateful" type is because this type embodies the "Beta that absolutely hates all alphas and omegas" stereotype seen in some works of fiction. Interestingly, this type can be divided further into two subgroups based on their political views- the conservative types have likely grown up in families that have instilled the belief that alphas and omegas are bad for generations, and their ideology tends to be more "alphas in power are always bad and entitled and are only there to make betas suffer and don't deserve their positions" and "omegas are disgusting sex creatures meant for making babies". Meanwhile, the more liberal type tends to mask their hatred of alphas and omegas under the guise of advocating for "equality", while in reality they still share a very similar view- that Alphas should be treated as "lesser than" because their positions of power seem "undeserved" and "gained through nepotism" (regardless of the actual circumstances. They simply believe that Alphas should NEVER be in power, no matter what) to these people. The more liberal subgroup often has less to say about omegas, given they're already often at a social disadvantage, but will occasionally pretend to campaign for "omega rights" as an attempt to have sex with omegas by appearing supportive. (A real-world equivalent would be men that pretend to support feminism in order to try to make themselves seem more progressive and thus desirable for women, even though deep down they don't actually care about feminism at all.)

This type of Karen/Kevin-ness usually forms from a deep-rooted sense of insecurity and inferiority, a belief that as a Beta, they're seen as secondary or unimportant (which, in modern society, is very rarely the actual case), and thus they find themselves hating all Alphas for the power they perceive Alphas to possess, and being disgusted by omegas because of the perceived lecherousness and sexualized idea of the omegas they have. It should be emphasized that this is all born from their personal perception of the world, either through their upbringing or negative personal encounters and/or some unadressed insecurities, and not the actual reality. This type of Kevin/Karen isn't actually all that common, but they do exist.

This type of Karen/Kevin is the type to scoff at or be rude towards workers of Alpha/Omega dynamics, no matter what their position is. An Alpha cashier might get a nasty look and be told they "probably didn't even apply for the job, just got accepted because they're an Alpha" and an Omega construction worker might get a nasty look because "what is that omega doing working a manual labor job, shouldn't they just be at home carrying pups for some shitty alpha, what if they go into heat in the job, also they're probably weaker than any Beta coworker anyway..." -the discrimination can come in any form, and occasionally, these Karens/Kevins can actually end up causing public disturbances just because they happened to have a bad day and took it out on the nearest alpha or omega just trying to do their job or mind their business.

Common Phrases of the Hateful Karen/Kevin:

"Aren't you ashamed? You stink of filthy omega/alpha pheromones, that's disgusting."

"I'll bet that Alpha CEO is a nepo baby who got her position because daddy was another rich Alpha as well"

"That omega celebrity is disgusting, who talks about slick and heats on national tv. They should lose their career."

"I bet you don't even know how to do your job, you just make others do it for you since you're an alpha."

"Why are omegas even allowed to be high school teachers, don't blame anyone but yourself if some young alpha goes into rut and takes it out on you. Your fault for being there as an omega. The alphas are just as bad. Why don't they just separate schools by dynamic, they used to do that back in my day..."

"Of course I support omega rights! It's so awful how much discrimination you guys face, honestly, it makes me feel so sad. Oh, by the way, I really like your scent, do you wanna hang out some time ;)?"

"Jeez, you work retail and can't even do your job right? I always knew Alphas were useless, and still get so much favouritism. I don't care if its your first day, you should know how to (do a difficult job task) already"

"Honestly I think we should just send all Alphas and Omegas to live on some isolated islands together. The society would be so much better with only Betas around."

☆

Alpha (Α) Karen/Kevin, type: "superiority complex"

This (almost always Alpha) Karen/Kevin is, unfortunately, like fuel to the fire of the "hateful bigot" beta Karens/Kevins. They share some similarities to the "alpha alpha-males" mentioned in the post linked at the beginning of this one, however, they're not exactly the same.

These Karens/Kevins come in a variety of different flavours and convictions, in the sense that some of them are flat out alpha supremacists, while some of them simply have this internalized belief of superiority that they aren't necessarily aware of, resulting in micro-aggressions and shitty behavior, but not necessarily flat out discrimination towards the other dynamics. This type is common for some specific families, who have a belief that they should try to keep their "Alpha Blood" pure by only having children with other Alphas- in some cultures this is a remnant of historical social structures and often specifically something family elders believe in. In other cultures, it's more of an individual family belief, where at some point it has simply become a custom because Alpha children were seen as more desirable and valuable (be it for labour at farms, for more education possibilities, etc) and thus marriage between female and male alphas was the encouraged pairing. Any beta or omega offspring would often get treated unfairly in families like this, and often, especially the male alphas of the family, would almost always go into the same profession (for example, lawyer, law enforcement, doctor, business, etc).

On the more severe end of the superiority complex karen/kevin spectrum, there are Alphas who genuinely believe Omegas should not work at all and that Betas are below Alphas in terms of rank and thus should obey whatever the Alphas demand. On the less severe end of the same spectrum, there are Alphas who don't necessarily consciously discriminate, but will make insensitive jokes, behave inappropriately towards omegas in work enviroments believing that the Omegas must like it or expect it since they're working there, and not really understanding why anyone thinks its a problem if an Alpha CEO favours hiring alphas, especially their own family member alphas, as the higher-up staff.

While this type is rarely a public menace, they share some similarities with "alpha male" alphas in the sense that they may harass omegas in public, though they'll often be a bit less trashy than your standard "alpha male guy"- these karens/kevins aren't too likely to catcall or yell obscenities at omegas who refuse to pay attention. Rather, these Karens/Kevins might interpret a customer service smile from an omega barista at the coffee shop as an invitation to keep coming back and being uncomfortably flirty with that specific barista even after they have expressed that they're simply doing their job. They may also be the type to stand uncomfortably close to omega coworkers and make belittling comments, for example questioning an omega's ability to perform a task as well as a beta or alpha, or recommending only menial tasks far below their skill levels to omegas working with them.

This specific type is actually more often a Kevin than a Karen, however both exist in fairly equal numbers.

Common Phrases of the "Superiority Complex" Karen/Kevin:

"You sure you can handle that, cutie? Isn't that something better suited for a Beta or an Alpha?"

"You're really smart/strong/etc for an Omega"

"I don't know if we can hire you, you're at that age where you'll probably start having pups soon and you'd have to miss work a lot because of them... maybe you can apply for something part-time instead? Or maybe your partner can just take care of you, you focus on delivering those healthy pups and being a good parent!"

"Well aren't you a cute omega, working in customer service like that! The regulars here must be coming back just to see you! I see why they hired you, must be great for the business to have a cute face like yours here!"

"Honestly, I don't really get why omegas wanna work so bad. They'll just end up having pups and being stay-at-home-parents eventually anyway?"

"Sorry, we don't hire omegas for positions like these, they're too demanding"

"You know, I could consider giving you a raise, in exchange for something you could do for me... of course, no pressure, but do consider it"

Note: these are just the more dynamic-specific ones I headcanon to exist- there are WAY more different kinds of Karens and Kevins than just these, I just wanted to come up with a few examples of my own of types that could be more prevalent in specific dynamics. You can see a lot of traditional/real-world sexism reflected in these specific tropes since it's something Omegaverse can often explore in different interesting ways, and I didn't go into a lot of detail since the post is already long. Feel free to add your own karen/kevin type headcanons, commentary, or observations in the reblogs/replies!!

[writerswho]

Fanfiction. Title: To: You, From: Me. Word count: 1466. Ratings: Teen And Up Audiences. Relationship: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan. Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Implied Sexual Content. Summary: If this night never happens again, the Doctor wants to make sure that just this once she didn't run. Links: ao3, tips! Commissions info here!

Older doesn't mean wiser. The Doctor is proof of that. Over two thousand years and she's still an idiot. But Yaz is different. She always has been. The Doctor doesn't know exactly the difference between this Yaz and her Yaz. She's just as bad as her previous face when it comes to perceiving things based purely on physical appearance. Such a concept makes no sense where she comes from. But she knows that this Yaz is not the same Yaz she left in Sheffield three hours ago. This Yasmin Khan has something different about her. Her shoulders are curvier, her dark hair has grey strands. Her skin is stained and faded. She speaks slowly and walks slowly. Her voice is hoarse as if it has been overused. But she is still Yaz. Her smile is still the same, her eyes are still the same. And she seems so happy. So absurdly happy. The Doctor thinks she has never seen Yaz so happy.

Yaz smiles and chatters, and the Doctor listens. Because she loves to hear Yaz talk, she loves to hear all her humans talk. It's her favourite part of having them around. Yaz tells us about her life. A long, happy life full of encounters and people. She tells the Doctor about Ryan and Graham and about Liverpool. The Doctor didn't realise that Yaz liked Liverpool so much, maybe she should take her Yaz there one day. She talks about her children, her grandchildren, and her wife. Yaz has got married! The Doctor is so happy, so absurdly happy. She married and had children and grandchildren who visit her every summer. Her wife, Yaz tells her, died just over ten years ago. Doctor feels her pain. She understands better than most the sorrow of outliving those you love. Yaz's smile doesn't falter as she talks about her wife, telling how they met, what their first date was like, and how wonderful the years they spent together were. Her gaze is sad and wistful, and she lets a few tears fall, but Yaz is happy to have found someone to love and who has loved her back.

The Doctor and Yaz sit side by side on the settee. They are covered by a heavy blanket. The fire in the fireplace crackles quietly, warming the room. They drink tea and chat for hours on end. Yaz's smile is so beautiful and her voice is so sweet. The Doctor lets her gaze wander around the living room of the small cottage, noticing the dozens of photographs. She thinks about her Yaz, about how she has a beautiful life ahead of her. About how she has travelled through space and time and countless planets and seen countless things and still finds more excitement and fun in a story about her youngest grandson getting the whole family together one spring afternoon to give a PowerPoint presentation on why they should let him learn archery at the tender age of eight.

‘Was it worth it?’ The Doctor asks. Her voice is a whisper. ‘Travelling with me, getting to know me, was it worth it?’

The smile Yaz gives the Doctor is a sad one, apologetic even. She holds the Doctor's face in her hands and uses her thumbs to caress her features, catching a solitary tear on the way.

‘I love my family, and I loved my wife very much,’ Yaz is sincere. ‘But there's someone else I've also loved very much. Someone who showed me that living was more than just existing. Who showed me the stars and put time and space in the palm of my hand, literally.’ Yaz reaches for the chain around her neck with one hand. She pulls on the chain, revealing the pendant. It's a key. A key that the Doctor remembers giving her just a few weeks ago.

‘Do you still have that old thing?’ The Doctor comments incredulously. In the corner of the room, a certain blue box makes an unhappy noise.

‘That old thing, as you call it, was proof that you recognised me as your companion all those years ago,’ Yaz puts it simply. ‘It's proof that everything we lived through was real. And that it was all worth it.’

The Doctor doesn't usually cry. They swallow their emotions and do everything they can to remain empty and void. The Doctor also doesn't like crying in front of people, not because of some idiotic idea that it's a sign of weakness. No, the reason is much worse. The reason the Doctor avoids crying in company is because their crying is never pretty. It's something angry and visceral, something that comes after losing someone, after failing. Something that destroys everything around them, whether it's an object or a person. And it's always sad. Absurdly sad. That's why, when they cry, they typically do it alone. Lost in some corner of the TARDIS, or in their bedroom that exists just for the sake of existing.

However, at this moment, the Doctor allows herself to cry in the presence of Yaz. It's a sad cry, like all the others. But also happy, like no other.

The Doctor holds Yaz's hands as if they were an anchor, keeping her stuck in reality. She sinks her face into Yaz's hands and cries.

‘I loved you too,’ Doctor confesses.

‘I know.’

‘I don't think you know,’ the Doctor takes a deep breath. ‘I loved you, I loved all of you, and it always hurts when it's time to leave because my life is so long and yours passes in the blink of an eye. But you're giants, you know? Giants! And I love you, each and every one of you. In different ways, I admit. But never one more than the other, just differently. And you, Yaz, you're different. You're like them. Like her. And I love you, Yaz.’

‘I've waited so long to hear you say that,’ Yaz smiles. It's almost happy but immensely sad.

‘I'm sorry it took me so long.’

‘It wouldn't be you if you did things on time, would it?’

‘Oi!’

The two laugh, happy with the familiarity they still have. Outside Yaz's little cottage, the stars turn into snowflakes. It's the first snow of the year. It's the first snow in a long time. Winters aren't like they used to be, nor are summers or autumns or springs. Some things have changed for the better, others Yaz tries not to think about. She lets her head rest against the Doctor's shoulder and the two of them use each other's warmth to stay warm under the blanket.

‘You knew, didn't you?’ Yaz asks after a long period of silence.

‘Maybe,’ Doctor rubs her neck. ‘Timelines are complicated, they're not straight lines, they're more like--’

‘A big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff,’ Yaz interrupts.

‘Jeremy Bearimy,’ the Doctor finishes her sentence.

‘Doctor, you've got to stop making up words,’ Yaz teases.

‘All words have been invented at some point,’ she laughs. ‘But anyway. Perhaps I knew, or maybe I didn't. It really depends on whether this is the first time we've been here together in this room, or whether it's a constant occurrence. At the end of the day, time can always be rewritten.’

‘I hope not,’ Yaz says. ‘I hope that even if you didn't know, and this becomes something fixed. Something of ours. Time can be rewritten, sure, but that doesn't mean that some things should be.’

‘I once met someone who said almost the same thing,’ says the Doctor sadly.

‘That person sounds very wise.’

‘She was amazing.’

The silence between the two is comfortable. The warmth of their bodies is pleasant. The Doctor holds Yaz's hands between hers, tracing the marks of time that her Yaz still doesn't have. Their long-abandoned mugs sit empty side by side on the coffee table.

‘If this were a one-off event,’ Yaz's voice is loud in the silence. ‘If this night were never to be repeated, what would you do?’

The Doctor kisses Yaz. It's a sweet, soft kiss that tastes like tea and biscuits. The sofa is wide and big and comfortable enough for the Doctor to lean over Yaz on it. She runs her hands over Yaz's body, touching every corner of her. Their clothes are lost in the turmoil. The Doctor kisses every part of Yaz. Her wrinkles and marks and blemishes and folds. She caresses and massages and stimulates, and draws out such delicious and luscious sounds from Yaz. They dance into the night, turning a cold winter's evening into something hot and sweaty. The Doctor savours every bit of Yaz, drinking from her and tasting her flavour.

If this night never happens again, the Doctor wants to make sure that just this once she didn't run.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Intruder, Pt. 5

Hermiod has figured out that they're dealing with a computer virus and alerts McKay to this fact. We don't know where McKay is coming from but he looks sad in a way that doesn't seem to have anything to do with their current predicament or the topic of their conversation.

He's deeply unhappy now that there's no one around for whom he has to pretend. It's also possible he has been crying, or that he's very, very tired and the exhaustion is giving him bloodshot eyes, or it's an effect of the coolant he got sprayed with. Whatever the reason, he does not look happy. He has freshly lost two of his people, to be sure, but likely that isn't the root-cause of his unhappiness.

Regardless, we get another interesting moment relating to gender:

McKay: So it's spreading. Hermiod: Yes, and changing. McKay: What do you mean? Hermiod: It appears to be rewriting itself as it grows. It is unlike any human-engineered programme I have ever encountered. McKay: Yeah. Airperson – don't be there.

There is a pony-tailed woman, a very beautiful young woman, doing work on the central workstation, and McKay needs them to move away so that he can check something. He's being rude in a way that is perfectly normal for him, he moves so quickly both mentally and physically that people being slow and in his way irritate him at the best of times. So he shoos this person that he apparently doesn't even know the name of, he hasn't cared enough to learn it. But he calls her Airperson instead of Airman. It's even more notable for the fact that the official rank of women in this position is also Airman -- it's a rank, not a gendered descriptor.

So he is, at the same time, dismissing this person on multiple levels while seeming to respect the fact that she is a woman. And again, it has absolutely nothing with him being a gentleman (unlike Sheppard, who calls Weir and Teyla "ladies" as he bids them farewell at the end of the episode), he's treating this person basically as a fly he wants to drive away without having to swat it, and yet by using this gender-neutral designation he is inviting us to think about how he views women. For him, this beautiful young woman woman was in his way and nothing more.

It also tells us that he didn't want this woman to be close to him while he was working, did not want a woman to be in his personal space. When he's not consciously thinking about it and is acting on pure instinct, he does not want women in his personal space.

So, it turns out the assailant is a computer virus, and the virus is wraith in origin. The senior staff all gather on the bridge to discuss this.

Caldwell and Sheppard are standing side by side and McKay and Weir are standing side by side opposite to them, giving this scene a strange military vs. civilians vibe. Sheppard has his hands on his hips where McKay keeps one arm folded in front of him, a half-barrier. I'll also call your attention to the fact that Caldwell is "crotch-blocking" here (like Sheppard did with Chaya in Sanctuary S01E14) whereas Sheppard himself is giving a "crotch display" (described as "perhaps the most direct sexual display a man can make"). And make no mistake, this his crotch display is directed at McKay (Weir is standing half behind McKay to Sheppard's right and his pelvis is angled to the left), where the target of Caldwell's crotch blocking is Weir. Body language does a lot of talking in this scene.

So, Sheppard and McKay are stood directly across from each other, and this time Sheppard is not just looking at McKay, he's not moving his eyes away from him at all. He's not even blinking. It's probably not his intention but because he has such an intense stare at McKay, it even comes across a little intimidating.

The fact that Sheppard has been avoiding looking at McKay the whole episode up to this point and is now suddenly pointedly looking at him makes it even more noticeable. It's like the man only has an off/on -switch when it comes to McKay.

We can only guess whether Sheppard's behaviour here has anything to do with the fact that McKay had just barely survived an ordeal that Beckett had told them could easily have been much more severe, could have been fatal, it could easily have been McKay that had been thrown out of the airlock. But his behaviour is noticeably different.

Sheppard isn't saying much, though. He is listening to McKay talk. He only looks away when he's trying to think, trying to process what McKay is saying. What ever is going on between them, they still seem to understand each other better than the others, are quick to pick up what the other is laying down:

McKay: That's what I'm trying to tell you. It was the virus. Look, it's an AI, an artificial intelligence. It can think for itself, adapt itself to new situations-- Sheppard: Protect itself. McKay: Exactly. It knew that Lindström and Monroe were gonna expose it, so it got rid of them.

It's not just Sheppard's eyes that are only for McKay all of a sudden, all of his questions and comments are specifically for him too. His attention is for some reason entirely on McKay when he had been avoiding giving him his focus previously. McKay is clearly in his element as he's explaining the science of it all, seeming more like himself than he has been in ages. This is the man Sheppard loves so it's only natural that he can't look away. And McKay seems to be getting less defensive the further their conversation goes along, dropping the barrier of his hand from between them as he gesticulates.

The situation, the danger, the crisis, is familiar to them so they are able to easily fall back into their former roles, into working together. And in this situation, they not only find it easy but necessary to look at the other man, to be able to read what they're thinking off of each other's faces, to be able to communicate as swiftly and efficiently as possible while using all the channels of communication that they have between them. This, they know how to do. They might not be able to have a conversation about their feelings to save their lives but this they can do. This they excel at. It's like old times.

While they are discussing the situation an alarm sounds off, alerting them to the fact that the ship has suddenly started broadcasting their location with the intention of alerting the wraith to their present whereabouts. Also? When the distress call goes out, Sheppard very much places himself between the alarm and McKay as though the sound itself had been the danger. He's full on trying to shield McKay from the danger, even raising his hand to gesture for him to stay back. And you can tell that it's for McKay and not for Weir or even the both of them from the way he has drawn his shoulder back as he is waiting to hear what's going on.

While Sheppard had stepped closer to the helmsman when they got the alert, he soon returns to McKay who seems to be working on something behind him. His focus on McKay is so intense that he doesn't even have to say the man's name for McKay to know that he's talking to him.

Like he has so many times in the past, he needs McKay to explain his process to him, to tell him what he is doing. He also sounds kind of hoarse all of a sudden. His eyes and body are doing what they normally do, he tracks McKay and his movement.

Here, his eyes are following McKay so intensely it kind of looks like he's a cobra and McKay is the snake charmer, or like there's a really intense tennis match being played on McKay's face that he just can't look away from.

Sheppard: What are you doing? McKay: Theoretically we should be able to cut power to the long-range transmitter. We won't be able to send messages, but neither will the virus. Sheppard: Theoretically. McKay: Well, it's pretty smart. So far, whatever we've tried, it's been one step ahead of us.

While Sheppard has kept something between himself and McKay for most of the day, when a situation is dire like this, he doesn't want there to be anything hindering their understanding. And it's not just Sheppard, either.

McKay is easily explaining things to Sheppard like he knows he wants him to do with no hint of condescension or irritability, or the kind of lashing out he would usually do when people ask him questions when he's trying to do something. In this regard, Sheppard is clearly the exception to him. How ever much they might be hurting, when the chips are down both men treat each other with such love and respect. As they are united by a common goal, everything else seems to fall away.

McKay: We need to do a full systems shutdown. We'll wipe everything, reboot, load from clean back-ups. Weir: Will that really work? McKay: Absolutely... I think. Caldwell: How long will it take? McKay: Well it's not like the ship's got an on/off button. We'll need some time to prepare. Say, an hour, maybe two? Sheppard: Every minute we wait, we increase our chances of being detected. We need to turn off the transmitter array now. Caldwell: Do you have an idea? Sheppard: As a matter of fact, I do... but you're not gonna like it.

Sheppard isn't just physically doing what he normally does, he is also trying to think of some way that he could help McKay, to take some of the burden off of his shoulders. He is also personally willing to do the leg-work to keep them safe. What ever had happened between them, keeping McKay alive and safe was still a priority for him. He can also hear the self-doubt in McKay's voice as he adds the "I think" to his statement, letting his vulnerability show in a way that he usually wouldn't.

While Colonel Caldwell is the one to ask whether Sheppard has an idea, he actually starts giving his answer to McKay and not to the Colonel. But although he does turn to the Colonel to say the words "you're not gonna like it," it may well be that it is this part in particular that he meant to say to McKay. But he looks away from McKay as he says it, as he can't quite face seeing the look in his eyes as McKay will inevitably understand what he is proposing here. Sheppard taking off with the jumper to deliver a nuke to the hive ship is still a very sore point between them. We don't know whether they've discussed the topic or just tried to bury it, but it's clear that what ever it is that is chafing between them has very much to do with Sheppard's decision to do what he did alone and not even let McKay in on what he planned to do.

And once more they have a clock ticking down the time, they are in danger that increases by the minute, and Sheppard feels the need to do something. But at least this time he is willing to let them in on his plan in advance. While he thinks he needs to do this so that everything doesn't fall on McKay again, so that they don't ask him for the impossible every time, he has learned at least that much from the previous time. The very least he can do is to let them in on his plan before he starts executing it. To give McKay the opportunity to tell him to stop, even though he never would.

Continued in Pt. 6

[ladylingua]

I have a very genuine question about the tipping post I promise I didnt read it in bad faith: are people who simply cannot afford to tip not “allowed” to eat out? I’m just thinking about how it works where I am from and while tipping is the norm here if someone doesn’t tip because they can’t afford it it really isn’t a big deal (+tipping norm here us only 10%). so if a poor family goes out to eat to celebrate something and they can barely afford the meal would they still be expected to tip 20% because they shouldn’t eat out if they cant afford it? thank you in advance I’m really curious

If it helps, don’t think of the tip as a separate thing. It is part of the cost of your meal. So if you cannot afford to pay for the cost of the meal including the tip you cannot afford to eat at that restaurant. This is something I myself have to calculate when I’m deciding if I want to eat at a particular restaurant- if I have $15 I can’t go to a restaurant and order a $20 entrée and then refuse to pay the remaining cost, and likewise if I have $15 I can’t order a $15 entrée and expect not to pay the server for their service.

Now that doesn't mean families who can't afford a pricy restaurant can't eat out at all. Since it is a % of your bill you can try to go for a cheaper restaurant (smaller bill = smaller tip), or if you go to a counter service place where you serve yourself you’re not expected to tip 20% (sometimes they have a jar out you could kindly throw a dollar or more in, but there is much less expectation to tip because the workers at a place like that receive a full minimum wage, more on that in a sec). I will also say in my lived experience poor families in America understand and tip well, I’ve almost exclusively been under tipped by wealthy people (which is what kicked off the debate on twitter- if your bill is $700 then you obviously can afford to tip a full 20%, no destitute families are spending $700 on one meal).

Technically speaking you can get away with 18% as a tip, and if you go down to 15% your waiter will think you’re cheap and be annoyed (15% definitely implies you were unhappy with their service) but that is the lowest possible threshold of acceptability. 10% is not an acceptable rate here, and 20% is now the expected norm for good service, and going up from there for great service. And I would never, ever not tip at all. I can only imagine not tipping if like the server had done something deeply offensive or dangerous or something. I've never encountered a situation where I felt the server didn't deserve any tip at all.

Because you’ve asked in genuine good faith I’m going to provide some more context to help you understand a bit more why this is the way it is-

Waitstaff in america are wildly underpaid. Our federal government assumes the tips are part of their expected income, and so a) they are taxed on assumed tips and b) it is legal to pay them less than standard minimum wage. Currently the tipped federal minimum wage is $2.13/hr. Now, states set their own individual rates so some states do better, but $2.13/hr is the lowest they can all legally go. And you’ll notice in that link it mentions the assumed tips and taxing them. I said on my original post, when I worked as a tipped waitress I made $2.68/hr and sometimes my biweekly paycheck was like $60 total. Imagine trying to survive on $120 a month, you absolutely cannot. Tips made up my actual wage, and were the paycheck I depended on to pay for my basic needs. I relied directly on customers to choose to do the social convention of tipping for survival, and when someone would choose to do otherwise it was utterly devastating.

Another thing customers sometimes don’t realize is your waiter may not be allowed to keep all of the tip themselves. It’s a common practice to pool tips amongst all the waitstaff and then divide them equally, and many places require that you tip out other employees there. So if you give me $10 as a tip I might be actually giving a large chunk of that to bussers, bartenders, etc. Or maybe we pool tips and someone else stiffed my colleague so now all of us are sharing your $10 tip. So also keep in mind that the money you leave as a tip very often does not go entirely to the actual waiter, so a big tip can actually become pretty small much faster than you would think.

(and that's just legal practices, wage theft and illegal practices run rampant in the restaurant industry, just fyi)

If you are wondering why tipping culture here is so grim, it is because of slavery. Tipping got big here as a way to keep forcing Black Americans into working for free, now with a small tip but still no actual wage. It was designed for oppression. Waitstaff are overwhelmingly not wealthy people. It is very common for them to be on food stamps, require housing assistance, or to otherwise be living under the poverty line. If you are eating out and not tipping because you yourself are poor, you are taking money out of someone else’s poverty wages to do so. When we debate minimum wage here in america, conservatives are really good at painting a picture of waitstaff being perky middle class college kids making an extra buck, or teens from wealthy homes wanting some spending money. There is an implication that they don't really need the money that badly. That is not the reality of who makes up most serving jobs in america. Minimum wage workers are likely to be in poverty, they’re likely to be women and specifically they’re likely to be women of color. Americans of color are significantly more likely to be working at minimum wage than white americans. There is a pretty sizeable number of minimum wage workers who are over 50, and a not insignificant amount of them who are mothers who support their families. There are also those teens who just want extra cash, and they deserve good compensation for their hard work too, don’t get me wrong, but they are only a portion of who makes up the minimum wage workforce.

If you’re like “But that’s such a shitty system, you’re saying it’s pitting poor people against each other for basic human comforts!” yup. I 100% agree. I am a vocal proponent of raising the minimum wage for that reason. I also advocate for a Universal Basic Income, because I understand that when it comes to small mom & pop restaurants the owners aren’t always making a ton of money either and it seems like truly no one is winning in this system. It is set up to oppress and to demean and to grind us all down. There are lots of orgs in America that are fighting to improve the system, or to radically change the system. There are also restaurants that have tried to do things differently- there’s a wine bar in my city that says specifically on their menu that their wine is more expensive because they pay their workers a true livable wage so there is no tipping there. Instead as a customer I pay a higher upfront cost that covers the true expense of running the bar- including server wages. I love that, I wish more places would do things like that. In the meantime, when I’m choosing where to eat I factor in a tip of 20% when calculating my estimated bill, because paying for service is part of the cost.

Refusing to tip fully in america is not doing anything to change the system. It does not make restaurant owners rethink their pay structure, it does not put pressure on our government to fix minimum wage, it does not make a political statement. It just means your server is going home wondering if they can afford their own meal that night.

Thank you for asking for clarity, I hope this helps. Please feel free to ask more if you have any remaining confusion or are curious about other aspects of american culture. If I can answer and the questions are respectful, I am happy to reply!

[teaboot]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

Tagged by @lost-and-cused 💛

Are you named after anyone? Yes, a musician my mother met in Russia!

When was the last time you cried? Huh. I think like, two months back? Trigun '98 episode 23. If you know you know. (I am wrapping u up in a blanket.)

Do you have kids?  Nope! I think I might like to be a foster parent someday, though, once I have the money and the time do it properly.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I- huh. I was gonna say yes, but honestly, not much in the last few years? I used to be so snarky and biting, like, all the time. It must have been really exhausting for the people around me. Now I think mostly it's just when I'm venting. Wild!

What sports do you play/have played?  I dunno if it's a sport if I don't compete but I enjoy martial arts! I do BJJ sometimes but I'm not very good at it, it's just for fun. Oh, and I was on a basketball team for a couple years, but I'm 5'3" and still don't know the rules so I think I was mostly just just for the body count, lol

What's the first thing you notice about other people?  Demeanor. Are you calm or tense? Loose or tightly-wound? Are you likely to explode if you encounter a perceived obstacle? Are you agreeable and easygoing? Or are you pent-up and raw and itching for a fight?

God, I don't think people realize how visibly LOUD they are when they're unhappy.

Some people are like music, moving along to their own little beat or tune, and then a heavy, harsh note walks in and you just KNOW they'll fuck up the rhythm if you brush too close. It's wild. Are they aware of it? Do they care? Who knows.

What's your eye colour?  Brown! Sorta like.... hmmmm. #622a0f in the middle, with a darker ring around the outside. (Never did relate to the 'brown eyes are boring' gang, always liked mine too much. Then again, I was the only one in my family with brown eyes, so maybe it was that.)

Scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies WITH happy endings? But no, actually, I hate watching horror movies. I LIKE them, I think a lot of them are very good and it's an underrated genre, I just. Don't enjoy being scared. Or sad.

Any special talents?  I'm an artist- I enjoy watercolor, acrylic, and India ink as painting mediums, I'm rather good at realistic stippling, I'm decent at identifying animal bones, I enjoy sculpting and sewing and needle-felting, I'm finally at a point where I like to read my own writing, I enjoy interior design and have been told I'm good at it, I'm a pretty good cook, and I've been told I'm a decent singer! I can also fold incredibly tiny origami cranes, and pick up on new languages well enough for simple use.

And I be far more proud of any number of these things if I did them a little more often.

As it is, I sleep a lot.

Where were you born? British Columbia, Canada!

What are your hobbies? Lord, too many. I'm actually sewing a new battle jacket right now, and animating a short video. Also writing fan fiction. And reading! And I like to collect antique books and handmade ceramics and theater masks. And go antiquing. And I'm still learning to knit? Hhhhhhhhrrrrnnggfn I wish I could have a year off to just. Do things. I wanna take a pottery class! And do metalwork again!! I used to love making chain jewelry. Oh, I do beadwork sometimes! And paint! And I'm sloooooowly designing a guest room. Bfyvxuhfhgtjggjhgyu

Do you have any pets? Yes! Big baby bird cat. He lives out of the country now, though.

How tall are you? 160cm!

Favourite subject at school?  Art. And Metalwork. And Psychology. And Literary Analysis. (And lunch break.)

Dream job?  Okay so imagine this: There's a VERY rich eccentric hell-bent on accumulating strange art, and by some miracle they are both mentally stable and not a gigantic dickhead. They travel a lot and don't really enjoy socializing so I don't have to kiss their ass.

Twice a month I receive an automatic deposit into my bank account and in return, all they want is a reasonably steady continued production of literally whatever art. Portraits, statues, robotics, ceramics, conceptual shit, costumes, carvings, literally whatever.

And they'll cover educational expenses for it all so I can go back to college and learn screen printing and 3D animation and use the kiln and shit forever and ever, and take up apprenticeships at tattoo parlors and volunteer as a face painter and pick up photography, and just create as much beauty and love and confusion and joy as I possibly can forever and ever and ever until I die.

And I'll have enough money to own my own apartment that I'll paint in all my favourite colors, with murals and everything, and have a cat who I will of course spoil rotten, and maybe adopt a few weird and goofy kids who'll have sleepovers with their friends in the living room and play new bad music that I pretend to hate, and when they fuck up and do stupid shit like kids do, maybe I'll handle it better than my adults did.

And maybe if they like making stuff too, I can make stuff with them. And maybe I'll get to see them do it better than me. And maybe I'll get to see them do everything better than me. And maybe they'll be happier, too.

So, uh. I guess I'd like to be an artist. A sugar baby-artist? Sugar baby artist combo. I'd like to have a patron is what I mean. A sponsor. Yeah

Fifteen Mutuals*: @Melancholysage @Genderfuckedpigeon @Raspbrrytea @Qthewhatever @Sternenhimmel-mond @Mythosandsuch @Anunholymessofagirl @Ifitistobeitisuptous @Here-you-can-read-my-feelings @Meat-puddle @Catgirlwarrior @Rodeokid @Not-fae-no-sir @Inbox847 @Pip-53

*I have no idea if we're all mutuals but take this anyways

[anryuuepic]

Test Subject: Bacchus Bio

Name: Test Subject Bacchus

Species: Daryan

Race: Blackscale

Role: A former politician and current Test Subject of Winterkill Works, with a jaded, despair-filled personality and a painful past. She fluctuates between a voice of reason and just one more victim broken down at the hands of Winterkill’s ambitions, yet her apathy far overshadows both of those things.

Affiliation: Winterkill Works

Gender: Female

Age: 43

Height: 5’11

Appearance: Bacchus is a tall woman with a sharp, somewhat lanky build. She has light, ashy blonde, waist-length hair that she usually keeps up in a high ponytail. Her eyes are dark gray and dull, with heavy shadowing beneath them from stress. Her appearance tends to be disheveled, though her expression is near-perpetually one of exhausted neutrality. 

Personality: Bacchus is a hopeless, unhappy person who’s thoroughly tired of the world and living in it. She’s low-energy, quiet, and emotionally reserved, usually coming across as either exhausted, irritated, or just plain miserable. Underneath it all, she has a short temper and strong passions, but because she sees even her own hope as uselessly naive, she deliberately suppresses it. She naturally has a strong sense of duty and morality, valuing the “right thing” over happiness or temporary ease. Justice, fairness, and rightful consequences matter to her, and sacrificing those things has caused her a great amount of pain. She’s duty-oriented, even to her own detriment.

Positive Traits: For better or for worse, Bacchus has remarkable resilience. No matter what horrible things have happened to her, somehow, she’s managed to keep going. She’s generally patient and non-confrontational, though her tolerance for out-of-line behavior is also low. Lying is highly distasteful to her (even at times when the truth hurts), and when she makes a promise, she can be trusted to keep it. Though she doesn’t often show it, she’s quick-witted, organized, and adaptable, even in tense situations. 

Negative Traits: At the current point in her life, Bacchus’s internalized despair dominates her personality and outlook. When she encounters people who feel otherwise, she passes off their idealism and hopes as simple naivety. She’s apathetic and can be cold-hearted; even with things she cares about, her habit is to push those softer sentiments aside. Her self-sacrificing streak is a frequent source of pain, and she struggles to recognize when something isn’t her fault or would be impossible for her to change. 

History: Bacchus spent the early part of her life in an unremarkable town, where she was involved in the local legal system. An unfortunate end to a difficult case turned public opinion against her, though, and she eventually left that town behind. With one of her sons dead and the other resenting her for it, she’d lost any purpose her former life held. When Winterkill Works offered her a role as an experimental subject, she had nothing better to do than accept; at the very least, it was a way to occupy her time. 

Relationships: Bacchus generally goes out of her way to keep an emotional distance from the people around her. Even when she might get along with someone, she’ll avoid any chances of connecting or opening up. Despite this, she’s on surprisingly good terms with staff and her fellow test subjects alike, particularly Venus. However, after bearing personal witness to many of the experiments, she greatly resents those with active roles in the group.

Interests: Bacchus likes herbal teas (the more bitter-tasting, the better), philosophical debates about morality, and legal studies. She dislikes cold weather (her scars ache), recklessness, and people who take advantage of others. She hasn’t pursued any interests since joining Winterkill Works. 

WW Role: As one of the specially selected Test Subjects, Bacchus was given a particular experimental power. In her case, that power is meant to mimic a Combustion-Element Mutation; ash rises from her skin when her emotions spike, leaving lumpy, scarred burns behind. The physical pain bothers her less than the knowledge that someone knowingly chose to inflict it.

Miscellaneous: Bacchus tends to be softer and more patient with young men; though she’d never say it outright, they often remind her of her sons. She’d sort of hoped Winterkill’s experiments would kill her; with nothing left to live for, it would have been easier to end up dead. She has an excellent memory, especially when it comes to laws, regulations, and procedures. She doesn’t particularly dislike the appearance of her scars, but the chronic pain that comes with them hasn’t done her mental state any favors. When she’s in a bad place emotionally, her physical self-care is the first thing to fail. 

Connotative Description: A depressed, apathetic person with a tragic past weighing her down. Dutiful and steadfastly moral even when it hurts her, yet convinced that there’s little true “good” to reach for in the world.