#people who can answer these questions in just a few sentences: i am full of respect and i have no idea how you do it

[footygirl114]

Fuegos Artificiales (Alexia Putellas X Reader)

So Part #3 to this one, we are getting somewhere with these two but there is sooooo many unanswered questions ;)

Let me know what we think and if we want part 4, and what we want to see next?

Previous Part

As she finishes yelling at you, you can see her body deflate almost like she had been holding that in for awhile. Before your mind has a second to process any of it you watch as she reaches up and wipes a tear that had fallen from her eye. Its like your body is on auto pilot as you move closer to her, place both hands on her cheeks and you use your thumb to wipe another tear as you guide her to look into your eyes. 

“Alexia look at me” you softly start waiting till you know you have her full attention. “I am right here, I am safe and right here in front of you” you continue to softly remind her as you pull her into your arms, guiding her head into your neck. 

The next few minutes you continue to softly whisper reassurances in her ear, while rubbing her back. You finally start to feel the tears slow down on your neck and you can feel her getting her self together. All you can think about is how much you missed her smell, and the feeling of her being in your arms. 

After a moment she pulls back and looks into your eyes and you know whats coming next. She breaks eye contact and whispers a soft “I can’t Y/N” and she turns and gets in her car and you are left standing there watching her drive away. 

The role reversal doesn’t go unnoticed by you and you can understand a bit what she was talking about when you did the same thing 8 years ago and left her standing watching you leave. 

**

The interaction plays on your mind for the following week, you don’t see or hear from her during that time, but both her mom and Alba had checked in on you a few times. You had been picking up a few extra shifts at the station to try and keep your mind occupied, which lead you to today. You were working the front desk, and it must have been a fun moon cause it was busy with the crazies coming in to complain. 

You were currently dealing with an older lady who claimed she had proof of an alien spacecraft landing on the beach and kidnapping people. You had been trying not to laugh and when she tells you she has video proof but tells you to wait a moment while she finds it on her phone, you have to look away. 

You take a moment to look around the room again and when you hear something from the two teenage girls sitting not too far from the counter looking at something on their phone it piques your interest. 

“did you see Alexia Putellas has a girlfriend now?” the one girl asks the other, this sentence is what caught your ears and keeping one eye on the older lady looking for the evidence and the other on the two girls you continue listening in. 

“no way, she’s always so private how do you know?” the other one asks her friend who said the original statement. 

“Look she’s clearly making out with someone in this photo!” the original girl exclaims and moves to show the other girl her phone. 

“holy shit! Isn’t that the singer she’s been rumoured to have been dating?” the other one asks her friend.

You can see the nodded answer and your heart drops, but before you can react the older lady has finally found the video she claims to have. Pulled back in to helping her lodge her complaint, then working for the next hour with multiple other complaints you finally get a second to take a step away from the desk. 

You duck into the locker room, and immediately you open google and search if what the teenagers were saying was true. When you spot the pictures, they are grainy and clearly taken from the paparazzi but you would recognise Alexia anywhere. When you make this realisation you can feel the disappointment flood your body, you were half hoping it wasn’t true but seeing it on a picture you know its true. 

Being gone for 8 years you know that this was a strong possibility, that she would find someone else. You just never really expected it to happen just as you came back, you had seen that she was never photographed or connected to anyone before but now that your back of course she was. When someone else enters the locker room it knocks you out of thought and you move to go back to work, but first you shoot a text to Alba asking to meet her for drinks later. 

When you get off off of work you head towards the place you agreed to meet Alba at and when you walk in you have to laugh when you see her sitting at the bar clearly flirting with the bartender over the bar. You decide to have some fun with this and you walk up to her and slide your hand across her shoulder pulling her into you with a “hi babe.” 

She looks up at you with a smile and says “Hola Hermana” and you can hear the cough from the bartender listening to the exchange. 

You pull back and whack her arm and say “you are a jerk.” 

She winks at you and turns towards the bartender and asks “another round for me and my sister, and when you are off shift I will be here waiting for you” finishing with a wink. 

The bartender smiles and moves off to make the drinks, you settle aside her and state with a smile “you haven’t changed a bit Albs, I missed you.” 

She answers with a smile “I missed you too, we all have.” 

“I am not so sure your sister has though” you smile and nod a thank you to the bartender when a drink is dropped off in front of you. 

You watch as she takes a sip of her drink and then she turns full towards you and says “Y/N, I need you to listen to me okay?” 

Nodding you say “i am listening.” 

“Alexia loves you, she has always loved you and that has never changed. I know what happened 8 years ago, and she was an idiot but she has suffered for all those years living in the what ifs, but the one thing that has never changed was how much she loves you.” she says all this firmly and makes sure she is looking into your eyes the whole time. 

Taking a moment to take it in, you take a sip of your drink and you say softly “I think I will always love her Albs.” 

“I know you will, and she still does too.” 

Before you can chicken out you open your phone and show her the article you still have open and you place it in front of her as you tell her “she’s moved on Albs.”

She looks at the phone with a chuckle and she says “no she hasn’t, they’re friends and sometimes they hook up when they’re both in town. Trust me they are not an item.” 

“oh” you say softly. 

“Y/N she loves you, and I think you both just need to talk” she says to you. 

You shrug and say “I’m just giving her space right now, let her get used to me being back in town.” 

“fuck that Y/N, you need to talk to her” Alba says firmly. 

“Nope, I wont force that on her Albs” You say again, and you finish off your drink and you stand up, pulling out enough cash to cover both your drinks. “I gotta go Albs, I am on shift again in the morning, but thank you for meeting me” You finish and lean over and give her a hug and press a kiss to her temple when you pull away “I appreciate you Albs.”

“Always here for you Y/N, and I mean it when I say I am so glad you are back” She smiles at you. 

“Bye Albs” You say as you walk away, and when you turn at the door you see she’s already back to flirting with the bartender and you cant help but to smile to your self as you head out. 

**

A few days later you were walking into a nightclub after Alba had called you and told you that you had no choice but to come out with her and a few friends to let off some steam. You were never good at saying no to Alba, which is why you were dressed the part and you weren’t too upset about having to be out past your bedtime. 

The desert didn’t allow for much time to let loose and dance, and one thing you loved to do was to get lost in the music and just dance. Walking through the throngs of people you moved towards the VIP area where Alba said she would be and you can feel the spanish beats and you know it should be a fun night to let loose. 

What you should have done was to ask who would be there, but you secretly hoped you would be able to spend more time with Alexia, so you didn’t ask. When you lock eyes with Alexia you cant help but to feel slightly giddy at the chance to spend more time with her.

“Y/N!!!” Alba screams when she sees you and she comes up and pulls you into a hug. 

You smile and squeeze her back and you let her pull you around the group and introduces you to most of her friends there, you settle in the booth across from Alexia when Alba pours you a drink. You sip on it and make small talk and when the music becomes more dance music you meet Albas eyes and you both bee line it for the dance floor. 

You let the music move you, eyes closed dancing with Alba and a few of her friends who came with you to the dance floor. When the music slows down you blink your eyes open and you immediately look towards Alexia, her eyes are dark and locked on your body as she remains seated in the booth. 

Your body heats up and you keep moving to the beat while keeping your eyes locked on Alexia’s. A few songs go by as you keep your eyes locked with hers and you keep dancing, when you finally have enough you move your hand out and gesture for her to come out on the dance floor. When she doesn’t move you gesture again and she stands up and moves towards you. 

When she’s within arms reach you move to grab her and pull her closer but before you can she recoils and basically runs off the dance floor towards the bathrooms. Without thinking you follow her down the hall and you grab her arm before she can get into the bathroom. 

“Alexia wait” you plead with her. 

She shakes her head and says “you cant just come back here and do this Y/N.” 

“do what?” you ask dumfounded.

“this Y/N, it is not fair to me” she says firmly. 

You let her go and take a step back and ask softly “what am I doing Ale?”

“you left Y/N, everything is not the dame.” she says and before you can respond she darts out the hallway and you watch as she disappears into the crowd. You stand there conflicted, unsure what to believe. Alba says she cares, Alexia’s actions prove she doesn’t want you to try. Shaking your head you shoot Alba a text that you were leaving and you head out of the crowded club. 

**

You spend the next week confused and when you are in this state of mind the best thing you can do is throw your self into work and avoid the thoughts swirling in your head. It also means you were avoiding Alba and any of her scheming, wanting to figure out what you want to do first. When Eli calls you and invites you to the families celebration to watch the upcoming fireworks you are left with no choice when she all but tells you that you have to go. 

When you walk into the park you agreed to meet at, you at least are surrounded by people and some of their extended family, you stick close to Alba and try to not make any eye contact with Alexia either. The evening goes pretty smoothly and you settle on the blanket with Alba and Eli to watch the fireworks. Alexia is sitting with a couple of the cousins in front of you, which means you can watch her without her knowing. 

You were so distracted by everything and your thoughts you didn’t think about the fact that there would be live fireworks going off. When the first one goes off you are prepared and you jump slightly but you remain okay, Alba reaches a hand over and rubs your thigh when she feels you jump and you remind yourself where you are. 

When another cluster goes off in succession, you can feel the flashbacks trying to fight their way in, and when you meet Alba’s eyes you smile at her. The next one goes off and you know you need to get out of there. You stumble up and when they look at you with a concerned face you smile and mouth ‘bathroom’ before turning and moving further away. 

When you get past the crowd of people you stand there trying to figure out your next move, so caught up in your head and trying to fight the flashbacks you don’t hear Alexia approach, but just like when you were younger you can feel her. She places a hand on your lower back and when you meet her eyes you can see the concern in them. 

She smiles at you and you get lost in her eyes, but when another round goes off you jump again, and the flashbacks start creeping in. 

Before you can get lost in them, she says “Y/N, here put these in” as she hands you her AirPods.

You look at her with a question and ask “what?” 

“Put the AirPods in and come with me” she says firmly. You place them in and she turns the music up and she pulls your hand to follow her. She takes you behind a wall, where its mostly covered from the flashing lights and she pushes you to slide down the wall and sit. 

She sits beside you and places a hand on the back of your head scratching her scalp, which is something she knows calms you down immediately. Her other hand reaches over and grips your hand squeezing every so often. You keep your eyes closed and listen to the beat in your ears and focus on the feeling of her touch. 

Unsure how much time goes by you come back to it when the music stops and you look over at her and she smiles and says “its over Y/n.” 

“Thank you for doing this Ale, Im so glad you had those AirPods on you.” you chuckle. 

She smiles and says “I brought them in case you needed them Y/N.” 

“You did?” 

Nodding she says “I figured it might be too much for you.” 

Smiling softly you say “you’re very sweet.” 

“I want to help you Y/N” she says softly. 

You realise how close you are and you lean in and you feel her breath on your lips, you go to close the distance when you are startled by kids running by your hiding place screaming. She pulls back with a smile and stands up holding her hands out to help you up. 

“We should go find my family.” she says once you move to follow her. 

You follow her back to her family and all you can think about is how much you want to have that happen again, how that maybe she wants it to happen too. 

[cinaerii]

— NOTTING HILL, park sh x fem!reader.

✧ syn : after countless times of unwanted hindrances in your situationship with the famous model, park sunghoon. they use the last of their career by confessing out to the public.

✧ notes : this is based off the movie notting hill., contains major spoilers if you haven’t watched!

it was the last day before park sunghoon leaves to go back to south korea as he holds a press conference in a huge yet crowded venue full of staff and reporters.

all because it started off with him kissing you out of the blue when he entered the vinyl record store that you’re handling.

then it went on with a series of sweet, to bitter, to sour, and then to nothing. like one day, you’re having a wonderful morning with him and then after news get out, they both lash out their anger on each other.

before you even knew that there was a press conference, you were casually sitting in a cafe for some inviting pastries that you liked.

not until the employee around the small television turned on and displayed park sunghoon to which everyone in the cafe stared in awe.

‘i’m also just a boy standing infront of a girl asking for her to love him.’

that specific statement coming from him engraved in your mind after the events of not bothering to disturb the other.

perhaps you thought as you grew closer and closer to sunghoon, it only let both minds leave off to wander in their own little world, not caring off the risks they’ll encounter.

they thought of it as if they were highschool students experiencing their first love. quite cliché isn’t it?

“sunghoon, when are you leaving milan?” a journalist from the crowd asks, lowering his hand down as soon as he was called by the staff to speak.

“unfortunately, i am leaving tonight.” he gave a straightforward reply, turning his lips slightly upward to present a disappointed grin.

“in that case, we will only entertain a few questions.” the staff annoumced it to everyone loudly using the e microphone in his hand.

by the time you arrived to the venue, multiple strands of your hair were messy because you rushed all the way here.

a man at the side raised his hand, desperately needing answers from sunghoon. the staff called him up to speak, “regarding the recent dispatch news, you were spotted with a woman who owns a vinyl records shop, what was going on?”

sunghoon’s shoulders start to tense as he knew exactly who the man was talking about. “a close friend of mine, we’re still friends.” he answered.

there was a short pause until the staff member in-charge called the next person, he called out a girl wearing a white-collared blouse.

sunghoon’s eyes searched for the called person, his eyes landing on you. his eyebrows raising slightly as he was surprised to see you in present.

even if knowing you weren’t a real journalist, he didn’t think he’ll see you again after the controversy at your house happened.

“by any chance, are you perhaps maybe.. even more friends?” you spoke.

all he could hear were camera shutters, people murmuring, everything was blurry except his main focus. sunghoon was lost in his thoughts or spacing out.

a staff member tapped on his shoulder for him to snap put of trance and instinctively say, “sorry, can you repeat that again?”

clearing your throat, hesitant to change the question to one that can establish the forgotten situationship.

“but what if—“ you were cut off by the staff member telling you to repeat the same exact thing you said, “do not change the sentence order.” something like that.

“no it’s fine, let her.” sunghoon reassured the staff from beside. he turned to you again, waiting for you to ask. besides curiosity, fear was slowly creeping up to him.

“if it turns out that this girl went to you and begged for you to reconsider—whether you would reconsider..?” you stumbled on your words, feeling the same emotions sunghoon was experiencing.

the audience from outside the venue or watching from the televsion were waiting for the boy’s answer as he stared at you in thought. finding the most appropriate answer.

was he willing to risk his career again just to be with you?

he took a deep breath and finally spoke, “yes i would— in fact..” he leaned closer to the staff member beside him, whispering something the two can only hear.

“can the first man i called repeat his question?” the staff member announced.

“how long are you staying in paris?” he yelled out from the crowd, his tone confused with curiosity. everyone in the room looked at sunghoon.

“indefinitely.” he concluded, looking at you with a smile on his face.

— to be continued, sequel soon.

written by; @cinaerri ⋆ do not steal, plagiarize, or translate my work.

special tags.

@sungbyhoon

[astradyke]

hey so I've been a casual Dan & Phil fan for years but never really a part of the fandom. Recently started scrolling thru the tag and like...did I miss something? Have they actually said for real for real that they dated? Like I'm queer and tbh 2 gay guys living together for that long have to at least done *something* but I'm not an rpf person (no shade) but I do wanna be up to date on the Dan and Phil facts (phacts?) Obviously they're some kinda soulmates but tbh I know some queerplatonic soulmates who aren't *together* so idk if that's them or not. Am I missing receipts or is their relationship presumed given their whole situationship? Genuinely asking and no shade to your shipping intended.

hiya! i'll try to be succinct here but i might totally miss some things as a heads up :P

In Basically I'm Gay on the Daniel Howell channel, the same monologue that led to the description of them as soulmates also included the statement: "And that was when, through the magic of the Internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic [...] The relationship we formed, at that point, was something that I needed in my life." Despite "relationship" being a neutral, versatile term, the preceding sentence confirms they've been in an explicitly romantic relationship. along with that explicit confirmation, we also know from several other relics from 2009-2011 in particular that the two were at the very least actively flirting (I can retrieve a few formsprings for you that point to this if u want just lmk!). Additionally, in 2010, Phil made a privated video addressed to Dan that explicitly confirms a romantic relationship; this video was unprivated via a YouTube glitch in September 2011 and circulated heavily in late 2012. it was a serious incident that outed them and thus people don't talk much about it. I've never seen it in full-- it's pretty much off the Internet entirely due to copyright strikes-- and I really solely bring it up for context that they were dating at that period in time.

Basically I'm Gay only indicates a past romantic relationship, leaving their current one ambiguous, and both Dan and Phil's respective coming out videos state that they want to keep their personal dating lives private (both of these videos were released in 2019). Since then, though, there's one other explicit confirmation of their relationship-- I had a difficult time hunting down this exact interview in entirety, but my lovely mutual freckliedan helped me find the relevant screenshot:

[ID: In bold, the interviewer's text says: "So, just like a normal gay couple then?" Below, Dan's response is not in bold, and says, "Basically, yeah."]

I was able to find another screenshot at this post as well, which has the actual context confirming that they were discussing Phil previous to this. Now, obviously, this interviewer was a little forward in their questions, so I understand any reluctance in considering Dan's response-- however, Dan is a professional, and if he was sincerely uncomfortable with this line of questioning, I have faith in his ability to avoid answering it altogether. I therefore assume he knew what he was doing, and that this can be taken as a valid statement. This was from 2023 iirc.

Both of these excerpts-- from Basically I'm Gay and from this interview-- do suggest that Dan and Phil have a romantic relationship. On top of both of these more concrete confirmations, there's a lot more information/statements they've made public that corresponds with a romantic relationship, even if none of them are technically exclusive to romantic relationships.

A brief list: They've lived together for approximately 13-15 years, and bought a house together with a mortgage (for brevity's sake, I'll exclude other things that kind of pair with this). They make frequent sex jokes on their channel, several of which stating things about the other's sexual preferences. They recently went on holiday together, just the two of them, and given the tourism biz and how they discussed the holiday it seems like they were in a place intended for couples. Phil's sister in law, Cornelia, refers to Dan as an uncle to her child. They use pet names for each other. They frequently joke with the phandom, riffing off of jokes about their relationship (reacting to posts saying they are in a situationship, making a joke about having a joint toilet, etc.) This is most arguable, but it's highly likely that they share a bed as well (again, going off of the images/videos they've shown us of 'Dan's bedroom'). Lastly, other interviews with Dan include him being highly verbose about his relationship with Phil, but he's referred to him briefly as his "husband" in a long list of other words like "soulmates" and "just mates", ending with "who the fuck knows?", in one past interview (I have a picture of this but I can't attach it rn I can find it if you'd like though!)

It's not impossible that Dan and Phil's relationship isn't currently romantic, and even operating off of the assumption that it is, there's information we don't know about that (whether they're monogamous or polyamorous, for example, or whether or not they share a bed). It honestly just seems unlikely that their relationship is queerplatonic, given the past statements indicating that it has been romantic historically and the interview (+ supplemental evidence) suggesting that it currently is (I am very aware of the variation in QPRs, though, so I'm sympathetic to that interpretation from folks. However, I also understand that many explicitly romantic partnerships are considered to be QPRs-- in media or with real people-- in a way that contributes to gay erasure. It's nuanced and I am not the person best equipped to eloquently discuss it). Obviously, just to underscore here, we are not owed any information about their personal lives and the vast majority (if not the entirety) of the phandom just riffs off of the information they tell us, all of which happen to point to a romantic relationship. They clearly don't have any discomfort in us assuming this, and I personally don't believe they'll ever give us any more conclusive statement about their relationship any time soon, given that they've told us enough that the implication of a romantic partnership is pretty solidly there.

TLDR: Dan and Phil have "hard launched" (AKA released information that portrays their relationship as irrefutably romantic) 2-3 times. There is also other more indirect information that seems to confirm a romantic relationship, though if one wanted to, it could be read as non-romantic-- however, given those conclusive statements, and the current way they treat phandom commentary about their relationship (AKA not giving a shit), it is the effective conclusion that they are in a romantic relationship. Other conclusions, such as them being queerplatonic or them having broken up, seem to rely on a lot of critical assumptions, while the idea that they are in a romantic relationship is in line with their own statements as well as what we generally see out of them.

Thank you for your patience and your very kind ask! PS calling it "phacts" is funny as fuck, I did not utilize that verbiage here through my reply but you were a visionary for this. have a lovely one :D

PS. If any folks want to add, or if I missed something when glancing back over this and corrections are needed, please please please share! I am so deeply not a phandom history i am simply a little guy! much love

[actiniumwrites]

Hi dear, it's okay if i ask for some comfort with diluc or alhaitham?. I have been through pretty rough times lately and i really would love a hug right now

𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄

synopsis: diluc comforts you amidst rough times

characters: diluc x gn!reader

wc: 939

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, crying, just general comfort stuff

notes: anon, i am so sorry you have been going through rough times :( i truly hope things get better for you and i am sending you all the hugs in the world! hopefully this fic can bring you a little bit of peace in the meantime ❤️

“Are you okay?”

It was a simple question. One you’re pretty sure you had heard more than a thousand times in your life. Like when you scraped your knee badly as a kid that you cried for four hours straight. Or when you got rejected by that guy you liked when you were twelve. The time you failed your acceptance exam into the Knight’s of Favonius. The time you laughed so hard in public you fell to the floor crying. Even during the aftermath of your first argument with him.

You hated it if you were being honest. The sentiment was nice, but so hard to answer. How were you supposed to sum up all of your emotions in a few sentences? How were you supposed to convey the pain in your knees that day? Or why you were crying from laughter? Or the ache in your chest when he first made you cry?

Your back was turned to the door, but you could hear the fear in Diluc’s voice when he entered the room. His footsteps were hesitant, like he were approaching a bear trap and was terrified of setting it off by accident. You couldn’t miss his breathing either — so limited. As if taking one wrong breath would cause an explosion.

Diluc rounded the corner of the bed where he found you, illuminated gently by the warm lantern light that was just bright enough to dimly light the darkened room. You were sat up against the frame of the carefully made bed the two of you shared, knees tucked together and arms lazily resting atop of them.

An inhale of air made you think he was going to speak again, and truthfully, he was. The idea of repeating the question flashed in his mind, but Diluc opted against it. He already knew the answer. It would be stupid to ask again and he knew you wouldn’t like it.

Carefully, Diluc sat down next to you, posture and pose mirrored your own. A five inch gap sat comfortably between the two of you. You were lovers, yes, but Diluc knew not to get too close to you when you were upset — not without your permission, at least. You spared him a tiny glance, so quick he almost missed it. But not quite fast enough for him. In that tiny split second, a whirlwind of emotions put themselves on display for him.

Anger. Regret. Anxiousness. Melancholy.

There were tears in your eyes too, he saw. A few had even ventured down your face, reawakened constantly by new ones taking their place; never quite given the chance to dry. Diluc frowned at the sight. He was a hateful man, full of regret and pain from his past that he never seemed to be able to shake. There were so many things he hated with his whole being, so many people and places. Those who wronged him and those who left him. Places which brought back horrid memories that shook his soul to dark depths he didn’t want to get acquainted with.

Your tears were one of the things he hated. It was rare for those pesky little droplets of water to symbolize a feeling of happiness. Your eyes certainly proved that point correct.

“Can I?” He asked in a polite whisper. You’d been dating for more than two years and yet he still asked for permission for everything. Diluc would hate to make you uncomfortable. And so, when your head nodded up and down, he gently removed his gloves from his hands and placed them on your cheeks. The tears that once adorned them were taken away by his gentle hands that warmly dusted them from your face.

As soon as they were gone, you scooted closer to him, closing the gap to lean your head on his shoulder. As much as you wanted to portray a sense of bitterness to him to accompany your sadness, you couldn’t help the way your heart warmed when he sat down next to you. Any sense of hostility that protected your heart faded away and you melted into him like ice in a hot drink.

The tears flowed again, but he didn’t mind. If you needed him to wipe them away again, he’d be readily there to. Your lip quivered as you spoke to him of your troubles as of late: the aching feeling that never seemed to leave from deep within your chest, the constant spike of pain from behind your eyes before they began to water, the lump that made it so hard to talk to anyone. The entire world felt like it was falling apart around you and you couldn’t do a thing to stop it.

Wordlessly, Diluc’s arms wrapped around your torso, bringing you close to him. He knew there was no words that could fill the space you had in your heart. No words that could guarantee everything would be fine. Diluc had experienced a lifetime of pain and loss, pain he hoped you would never have to experience. Sweet nothings don’t fix anything. He knew that well. So he held onto you, and he held on tight.

“I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to hide from me when things get rough,” he rubbed your back up and down as your head lay against the crook of his neck, “I love you so much, and I never want you to have to deal with this kind of pain on your own.”

A faint smile fought your frown as it appeared on your face, lips ever so slightly upturning, “I know. I love you too.”

[newtthetranswriter]

Birthday Twins?

Word count: 1338

Paring: Gojo x reader

Summary: What was supposed to be a night out alone to celebrate your birthday, turns into meeting another soul alone on what is apparently also his birthday.

Warnings: Forgotten birthdays, mentions of bars, Gojo is probably a little ooc. let me know if i missed anything.

A/N: Happy birthday to the Beautiful Gojo. I feel like at this point this Fic event has turned into celebrating different anime character’s December birthdays, but you know what, that’s fine. Anyway, thanks to [ena] for the idea for this one, as well as the one coming out on Hawks’ birthday. I hope everyone enjoys and remember to hydrate or diedrate.

   Birthdays suck, especially when you've spent every one alone. It doesn't help having your birthday so close to such a major holiday. Everyone thinks oh your birthday’s right before Christmas it must mean double the presents when in reality half the time people completely forget about your birthday. It's all about Christmas and the other winter holidays, birthdays come second.

   This year though I decided it'd be different, I may not have anyone to celebrate with, but I can still have a good time. I planned a night out for myself, going to a nice dinner followed up by a couple drinks at the club. So to start my night of fun, I got dressed in my best outfit.

    When I got to the restaurant, I got a few sad looks from bystanders, who I assume felt bad for me going out by myself. But I don't care, I’m going to spoil myself and have a good night. 

    Ignoring the pity glances, I enjoyed my meal. I had a small chat with the waiter before paying and heading out for the rest of my night.

    Making it to the club, I was greeted by the loud and chaos filled environment which people expect when going out. I weaved my way through the crowd, finding an empty place at the bar, and politely waved down the bartender.

    After I received my drink, the bartender decided to strike up a conversation. “So, what's a pretty thing like you doing out here alone?” They asked. I just rolled my eyes before thanking them for a drink, walking to an empty booth, to just watch the crowd.

     Settling into my seat, I looked at my drink, the bartenders words making me think about how truly alone I am at this moment. Sighing to my self, I raised my class in a mock toast, “Well, Happy Birthday to me.” As I was about to down my drink, I froze, having heard the exact same sentence in a more masculine tone from right behind me. I quickly turned around to see a white-haired man with dark sunglasses looking directly at me as well. Stunned, I couldn’t think of anything to say, the only thing coming to mind was ‘fuck he’s hot’.

     Noticing my stunned state, the attractive stranger spoke first. “Seems like we’re both in the same situation, care to discuss over a drink” He said with a smirk. I jumped, not expecting him to offer company. I guess he took my surprise as an answer and moved from his spot to sit across from me in my booth. “The name's Satoru Gojo. Nice to meet you.” He introduced, while sitting down.

    “Um Y/n Y/l/n, nice to meet you.” I said, still processing the events of the last few minutes. “So it’s also your birthday?” I asked the most logical question to start this conversation.

    Gojo just smiled before responding. “Yup, figured I’d spend it watching people make poor choices.” He said, gesturing to the club full of drunk people. “If you don’t mind me asking, why are you spending the day alone?” He questioned.

    Figuring this was better than drinking my thoughts away, I responded. “I don’t have many friends, and even if I did, they would probably forget about my birthday anyway, everyone always does.” It was harsh, but the truth, forgotten birthdays were extremely common for me growing up. I watched as the man across from me frowned slightly. “So, Gojo, why are you spending the day alone? I’m sure someone as handsome as you, has at least one person to spend the day with.” I said in a slightly flirtatious manner, trying to lighten the mood.

    I watched as he smirked slightly at the complement before responding. “Actually, with my line of work, I don’t have much time to get out. Plus, it’s too dangerous to drag someone into my lifestyle.” Now that piqued my interest, what did this guy do for work that was so dangerous.

   “Well, then what do you do for work? What could be so bad that you don’t have a partner in life? Are you a criminal or something?” I asked, hoping to have not over stepped.

   It was clear that he had to take a moment to decide whether to answer or not, but when he sighed, I knew he made his decision. Finishing off his drink, he started talking. “It’s difficult to explain, the most I can say is that my job is to keep people safe, and it’s agreed upon by everyone in this field that I’m the best. Trust me, I’m not trying to be cocky. It’s the truth, everyone looks to me for help when they can’t fix something.” He said, looking down at the table. I took a moment to process, this guy wants me to believe that his job is so dangerous he can’t tell me much other than the fact that he’s the best. 

   It is hard for me to believe, but the look on this man’s face told me he was being truthful. “Well, if people rely on you that much, you have to at least have some friends to talk to?” I asked, hoping to learn more.

   I watched as a gentle smile took over his face. “Yeah, I do have a couple friends, but the ones I talk to most are my students. I’m teaching them how to do this job so they can take over when the older generation is gone, but sometimes it feels like they’re actually my kids.” He spoke about these students like they were his world. “I honestly don’t know where I would be without them.”

   “So you’re the strongest and a teacher, what can’t you do?” I joked, earning a laugh from the man across from me. “But in all honesty, it’s amazing that you’re teaching the future generation. I may not know what it is your job entails, but it sounds like guidance is a good thing to offer to them.” I smiled, making eye contact with him over the edge of his glasses, taking in his bright blue eyes for just a moment.

   He smirked, noticing that I was amazed by his beautiful eyes. “Thank you. Now, enough about me and what I do, What does the wonderful Y/n do for work?” He asked, shifting the conversation.

   Snapping out of the trance his eyes put me in, I thought for a second. “I just work at the mall. Nothing amazing, just a simple customer service job.” I explained, looking off to the side. Here I am talking with this guy who teaches the next generation of what ever job he does, and all I do is try not to get yelled at by cranky people all day. It’s obvious that he’s way better off than I am.

   “Hey, don’t be embarrassed by that, I don’t think I could survive a day dealing with entitled karens and grumpy assholes.” He said with a laugh. “Plus, without people working in customer service, this world would crumble.” It was clear he was trying to make feel better about it.

   I just smiled in response before thinking of another topic, as work was a boring on for me. “Ok, how about a change of topic, What is your favorite food?” I asked, hoping to smoothly change focus, but still keep talking.

   From the smile on his face, I could tell he was fine with the change of topic, as he went on to explain that he’s a fan of anything sweet and began listing some of his favorites. 

   That’s how we spent the rest of the night, talking about anything from our favorite food, to what shows we were currently watching. Sure, I started today thinking it was going to be another lonely birthday, but fate was on my side and showed me someone to connect with. Hopefully if this goes well then on our next birthday neither of us will have to spend it alone.

[contemplatingoutlander]

Our true feelings about race and identity are revealed in six words

This is a poignant article about a project that Michele Norris started that tapped into people's thoughts about race in a profound way--using only six words. This is a gift🎁link, so anyone can read the full interactive article, even if they don't subscribe to The Washington Post. Below are some excerpts from the article:

I have always cringed when the accusations fly about someone allegedly “playing the race card.” It’s usually a proxy for “You’re making me uncomfortable, so please stop talking.” Or a diversionary tactic used to avoid having to speak about race with any kind of precision or specificity. A shorthand for “Just shut up.” And so, in 2010, I flipped the script, turning that accusatory phrase into a prompt to spark conversation. I printed 200 black postcards at my local FedEx Kinko’s on upper Wisconsin Avenue asking people to condense their thoughts on race or cultural identity into one sentence of six words. The front of the cards simply read:

Race. Your thoughts. 6 words. Please send.

I left the cards everywhere I traveled: in bookstores, in restaurants, at the information kiosks in airports, on the writing desks at all my hotels. Sometimes I snuck them inside airline in-flight magazines or left them at the sugar station at Starbucks. I hoped a few of those postcards would come back, thinking it would be worth the trouble if even a dozen people responded. Much to my surprise, strangers who stumbled on the cards would follow the instructions and use postage stamps to mail their six-word stories back to me in D.C. Since my parents were both postal workers, this gave me an extra thrill. Here I was, doing my part to support the Postal Service. Who says snail mail is dead? Half a dozen cards arrived within a week, then 12, then 20. Over time, that trickle became a tide. I have received more than 500,000 of these stories — and more arrive every day, though the vast majority of submissions now arrive through a website portal online. They have come from all 50 states and more than 100 countries. Though limited to six words, the stories are often shocking in their candor and intimacy. They reveal fear, disappointment, regret and resentment. Some are kissed by grace or triumph. A surprising number arrive in the form of a question, which suggests that many people hunger not just for answers but for permission to speak their truths. It was amazing what people could pack into such a small package:

Reason I ended a sweet relationship

Too Black for Black men’s love

Urban living has made me racist

Took 21 years to be Latina

Was considered White until after 9/11

Gay, but at least I’m White

I’m only Asian when it’s convenient

To keep the conversation going, I created a complementary website for the Race Card Project, where people could submit their six-word stories online. Over time we added two words to the submission form: “Anything else?” That changed everything. People sent in poems, essays, memos and historical documents to explain why they chose their six words. The archive came alive. It became an international forum where people could share their own stories but also learn much about life, as if it were lived by someone else.

I highly recommend reading the entire article, using the above gift link. As an olive-skinned Italian American, with curly hair, I have often felt like I am a walking Rorschach test for race. Even though I'm classified as "white" in the U.S., I've had people ask me if I'm a Latina, a Native American, Black, Egyptian, Jewish, and even a South Pacific Islander. Given my history, here are my six words on race.

A book is not it's cover.

I welcome people adding to this post their own 6 words on race.

[marie-swriting]

Choice - Benedict Bridgerton

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Summary : You are in love with Benedict but you have to marry another man.

Warning : angst, happy ending, feeling trapped, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.3k

French version

Song inspiration : Speak Now (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

Your wide open eyes on the ring in front of you, you’re speechless. You knew this day would come. This dreadful day where Duke William Edmonstone would put a knee down and would ask you the question that sounds like a death sentence. You raise your gaze and look around you in the ballroom. All the guests of the Duke’s family are waiting for your answer impatiently. It looks like everyone knew this ball was for this specific event.

Setting your eyes on your right, you find your mother. She nods with strength. You look down on the man in front of you and force a smile.

“I would be honoured to be your wife.”

At your sentence, everyone cheers. Glad, William stands up and puts the ring on your finger. He kisses your left hand, knowing it’s the only proper physical contact he can give you. 

Your fiancé abandons you to talk with his friends while you stay put, paralysed. You can’t believe you just pronounce your own condemn. You only want one thing : to run away from here as fast as possible. However, the arrival of young women of the ton prevents you from it. They start talking about weddings, decorations, vows and even babies ! You listen to them without giving your full attention and answer from time to time to be polite. The ring on your ring finger weighs more as the second goes by.

During the whole night, you stay in this numb feeling, not knowing how to act. You should be happy to have secured a match yet, you can’t help but feel sad. You wish  there had been another man at the end of the ring.

When you come home from the ball, you keep acting like a puppet until you get in your bedroom. As soon as your door is closed, you let go of a sigh. You get closer to your dressing table when your maid enters your room. She invites you to sit down in front of your mirror to undo your hair. She takes two pins off then your mother makes an apparition and she dismisses your maid. Your mom gets behind you and keeps undoing your hair. You don’t know the reason why she came to see you but you know she’s going to tell you in a few minutes. When your hair is finally loose, your mom puts her hands on your shoulders and looks at you through the mirror. 

“You do not seem happy, my child.”

“I am, mama. I just cannot believe I am finally getting married.” you say with a fake happy tone.

“You have doubts. No need to deny it. I used to be at your place before. Tell me what the matter is.” your mom tells you with a soft voice.

“I am not sure I am made for the Duke.” you admit, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ? You have been raised all your life to marry a man of his rank.”

“Is his rank that important ?”

“Of course, it is !” your mom answers as if it was obvious, “You cannot marry a man whose rank is inferior to ours. The Duke is perfect. Furthermore, he is a nice man and he will give you a decent life.”

“But, I do not love him, mama.”

“Love !” she exclaims, rolling her eyes. “Love is not important when it comes to marriage. You must choose your survival before thinking of something as futile as love.”

“I wish I could have a marriage of love.” you insist, looking down.

Your mother puts a finger under your chin to make you raise your head to her.

“Do not worry about love, you will discover it when you will have children.”

“Do you not love papa ?”

“I care about your father dearly. And one day, so will you with the Duke. Y/N, finding love in a marriage is something rare. The small portion of people who do are lucky.”

“The Bridgertons seem like a lucky family then.” you mutter.

“All of these doubts are because of the second born Bridgerton, is it not ?” your mother questions, arching a brow. “No matter if they are a respectable family, he is a second son and even if he was the first born, he would only be a Viscount. You cannot keep having what you two share.”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” you deny, clearing your throat.

“My child, I see the glances you give to each other.”

“Mama, I promise you-”

“I know nothing happened.” she cuts you off with a smile. “I haven’t said anything because I trust you. I knew when the moment would come, you would make the right choice, in other words : marrying the Duke. However, you must stop talking to him.” she orders with a firm voice. “I noticed it quickly and you should be grateful I was the only one. If Lady Whistledown were to write about it, it could ruin your marriage. Have I made myself clear, Y/N ?”

“Yes, mama.” you sigh.

Satisfied by your reaction, your mom kisses your cheek and leaves the room. Your eyes fill with tears and you quickly make them disappear when your maid comes back to help you out of your ball dress. 

Since your proposal, you can’t sleep. Your nights are busy with your thoughts. Your fears are taking over, despites your mother’s attempts to reassure you. Like she confirmed to you several times, you did the right thing by accepting the betrothal, the Duke Edmonstone is a good catch and only three years older than you. He’s also a good looking man and cultured. You should feel fortunate. You could have found yourself with an old and disrespectful man. Yes, the Duke will give you a decent life. Notwithstanding, the Duke is not the only matter in your mind ; you don’t want your life to change. You don’t want to have to leave your childhood home for an unknown place with a man who doesn’t care for your mind. Above all, you don’t want to say goodbye to Benedict.

You two met a few months ago and you bonded instantly. You’ve never felt this before. You feel like someone finally understands you. Your passion for the art has helped your relationship a lot. It’s not rare for you two to sneak out to a more discreet location during social events. Nothing scandalous ever happened, like you promised your mother, unless falling in love is considered as such. Benedict didn't officially court you because your father is always saying his daughter will never marry a man who isn't, at least, an Earl, let alone if he’s not a first born. In other words, your relationship was doomed before it even started but it didn’t stop you from getting closer. Now that you have to marry, you have to leave Benedict behind. Your mom hasn’t stopped reminding you to do it several times. You thought about the way you’re going to tell him ; you ended up deciding it’s better to go straight to the point. You don’t want to make yourself suffer even more so it’s useless to make a tragic speech to bid farewell.

The next vernissage seems the perfect moment to do it. You’re sure he’ll be there. Generally, Benedict avoids balls. He, sometimes, makes an apparition only to see you in a beautiful dress and sneak out with you to discuss your ambitions in life. Consequently, the events regarding art are the only occasions where you know you’ll find him.

Once you’re at the gallery, you walk slowly, admiring the paintings carefully. Your mother is not really far away, even if she keeps a distance to allow Benedict to talk with you.

You enter the second room where there aren’t a lot of people. You stare at the painting depicting a forest during a summer day when Benedict appears next to you. Seeing him, you play with your gloves, needing a way to evacuate your stress. By your side, Benedict smiles as he looks at the tableau in front of him. You turn your head and from afar, your mother gives you a sign to hurry. You sigh before clearing your throat and avoid his gaze.

“Benedict, we should stop seeing each other.”

“Because of your wedding ?” Benedict asks after a long second of silence.

“I cannot risk a scandal now.”

“Of course. Congratulations on your engagements.” he states emotionlessly. 

Without holding forth, Benedict doesn’t glance at the other paintings and goes to another room. Your eyes sting however you pay no mind to it. You did the hardest part. You can’t cry now or people will wonder why you’re in such a state after exchanging a few words with Benedict. You quickly blink and when you’re sure you’re not going to cry, you go to your mom. She locks her arms in yours to comfort you.

Benedict is officially a part of your younger self's past. You, now, have to focus on your future newly-wed life.

The next month is rythmed by the wedding preparations. The Duke insisted on having a marriage quickly. You got asked for your opinion for the reception but you let your mother handle everything. You don’t want this wedding so what does it matter if you like it or not ?

You haven’t seen Benedict since then and this hasn't helped with your gloominess. You wish you could leave everything behind and go find him, unfortunately you can’t make this choice so you keep getting ready for your new life. All your life, you have been raised to be the perfect wife but now your mom is taking things to another level. Given that you’re a future Duchess, she wants to ensure you won’t make a single mistake. She wants you to be perfect. If she lets you have one flaw, she’s worried your future husband will decide to abandon you. Lately, the pressure is more suffocating than your corset. You can’t breathe anymore and you feel like you’ve passed out and no one is paying attention to you.

Your last day as a maiden goes by at the speed of light. In a blink, the night has fallen and you’re in your bed staring at your wedding dress. You glare at it, knowing everything it represents. It’s a prison embellished by a white fabric. Objectivally, the dress is beautiful, Madame Delacroix has outdone herself, but you hate it. You keep looking at the object of your fear until you hear something hitting your window. You frown yet don’t move. When you hear the same noise again, you leave your bed, glaring one last time at the dress and open your window. On the ground floor, in your garden, you find Benedict. His tie is untied, the first buttons of his shirt are undone and his hair is messy because of the numerous times he runs his hand through it.

“Benedict, what are you doing here ? You need to go.” you order, trying to not speak too loud.

“Please, I need to talk to you.”

“You cannot be seen here. If Lady Whistledown-”

“Give me five minutes.” he cuts you off with begging eyes.

You stare at him, weighing the pros and cons. You miss him, though talking to him would be a mistake. However, your feelings for Benedict are stronger than your morale.

“Don’t move.”

You close your window and take your dressing gown. Before leaving your bedroom, you look at yourself in the mirror. You put back in place some strands of your hair and open your door. You glance right and left before leaving the room, walking on tiptoe. The light of the moon gives you enough visibility to walk down the stairs without falling. 

Once you’re in your garden, you find Benedict pacing back and forth. When he sees you, he moves to hold you in his arms and right away, you take a step back. Noticing your movement, Benedict keeps his distance and his arms fall on his legs.

“You cannot stay here, Benedict. I am to be married tomorrow.” you remind him, crossing your arms on your chest.

“I know but tomorrow, I will not be there and I needed to see you.”

“Why are you not coming ? Your family has been invited.” you question, eyebrows furrowed.

“Your lovely mama paid me a visit and she got me to understand I was to stay away from you.”

Hearing your information, you wish you could feel anger for your mother however you’re grateful. You know if Benedict was here, you wouldn’t be able to marry the Duke. Notwithstanding, having Benedict in your garden the night before your wedding is surely no better.

“Nevertheless, I could not let you marry the Duke without talking to you one last time.” he adds.

“What do you wish to talk about ?”

“Y/N, do not marry him.” he announces point blank. “Tomorrow, do not say ‘yes’ or say a single vow. You deserve to marry another man than him.”

“How dare you say that ? The Duke is a gentleman. He will treat me right.” you get mad.

“But do you love him ?”

“I care about him.” you answer him after a silence.

“So you do not love him.” Benedict specifies, seeing right through you, “You cannot marry a man you do not love. You deserve to be with someone you love and who loves you back.”

“Love is not important. I need to think about what's best for me and the Duke is the best option.” you argue, your mother’s words resonating in your mind.

“The best option according to whom ?”

“I do not have another choice, Benedict. I cannot afford to be picky. I do not have the luxury to tell my mama I want to wait before getting married or to focus on my art. I cannot afford to make that choice, contrary to you.”

“It is not too late to make another one.”

“You are being insensitive right now. You cannot come here, the night before my wedding, and tell me to not marry the Duke.” you retort with teary eyes.

“If you loved him, I would not have uttered a word, but it is not the case.”

“And what do you propose instead ? Because if I leave the Duke at the altar, I will be without an option.”

“I will be here for you.” he promises as if it was a magic remedy.

“You cannot be serious.” you sigh, rolling your eyes. “Did you think about the scandal it would cause ? Your family’s reputation would be destroyed and your sisters need to marry as well.”

“It would be worth it. I love you, Y/N and I know you love me, too.”

“The fact is, it does not change anything about my situation. Tomorrow, I will be married and I will finally be what I have been raised for all my life : a faithful wife.”

“Faithful !” Benedict laughs humorlessly, “And you think your dear future husband had the same education as you ? The Duke might act as a gentleman but he keeps seeing other women and he will keep on doing so after you are married. He does not have any regard for you. He just wants a wife. He cannot give you what you truly want.”

“And you think I do not know that ? I am well aware of this fact. Except the world is like this and I cannot change it.” you affirm, desperately.

“Is there not a thing I could say to convince you ?”

“My destiny has been written for a long time. You need to leave me alone.”

“Very well, but before this,” he starts, getting closer to you and you let him do it, “would you allow me to kiss you ? I have wanted to do it since we first talked.” he adds putting his hand on your cheek, “And I wish to do it before you’re someone else’s.”

“Benedict, it is improper.” you object, without moving.

“If your future husband can currently be with another woman, I think you deserve to make the choice of kissing someone you really love before it is too late.” Benedict mutters but you stay sceptical. “No matter if you accept to give me this honour, just know you will not hear from me ever again, I promise you.”

You stare in Benedict’s blue eyes, trying to resist the temptation of tasting his lips. Your mother’s words and the fear of finding yourself on the first page of Lady Whistledown’t next issue are the only things holding you back. However, when Benedict's second hand touches yours, your mind doesn’t think of these things anymore so you hold your hand before whispering.

“You may kiss me.”

With a smile, Benedict leans in and softly presses his lips on yours. You kiss him back in an instant. You wish you could kiss him since the moment your eyes met his. Like you expected, his lips are soft and fit perfectly with yours. You kiss lovingly, enjoying this moment, this last choice you made.

Without adding something else, you leave Benedict alone and get back home while he leaves your grounds. 

The guilt isn’t eating you alive, only joy is exploding in yourself. You will always keep this moment in your mind and you know it will nourish a lot of your nights when you’ll be next to your husband. You don’t regret kissing Benedict because, for the first time in your life, you finally put yourself first. Arriving in your bedroom, your wedding dress seems to judge you but you pay it no mind and lay down on your bed. At the same time, the joy leaves your body, not for remorse, but for sadness ; you will never live this moment again. You will never feel this feeling again.

When the sun rises in the sky the next morning, your stomach twists. Meanwhile you’re getting ready, you live an out of body experience. Your body's here and dressed up however your mind is lost in the memory of the night before. This memory is nicer than your reality.

When you’re at the door of the chapel, you gain consciousness again. You know this is your last moment as Y/N Y/L/N. You take a deep breath whilst your father comes next to you. He gives you a comforting smile, seeing your state.

“Do not be afraid, my dearest. You are ready. Your whole life has been made for this moment.”

You cannot count how many times you've been hearing this since you're out in society. It's supposed to make you feel better and yet, it only makes you feel even more trapped. 

You don’t answer your father, fearing you might throw up on him due to the stress. Your father makes sure your veil is set correctly on your head then he locks his arms with yours and guides you through to the chapel. The music starts playing and for you, it doesn’t sound like a wedding song but more like a death march. You walk down the aisle, your heart beating loudly in your ears and your flowers are practically strangled by your grip. While walking, you take notice of the guests, wanting to avert your attention from your future husband. When you glance on the right side of the aisle, you find the Bridgerton family. Violet Bridgerton’s eyes are filled with softness that helps you to feel more at ease, despite the fact you’d still like to run away. Taking a closer look at the Bridgerton family, your eyes find Benedict. You do your best to not show your confusion. He wasn’t supposed to be here. You don’t understand what he’s doing here. He cannot be here. You have to go through with this wedding. Not wanting to be more disturbed, you finally dare to watch your future husband. He looks good in his suit yet, you can’t help but think Benedict is more handsome. 

When you’re at the altar, your father kisses your forehead before letting you go to the Duke. Once your father lets go of your arm, you want to catch him and beg him to not let you go. You don’t do it. Tightening your grip on your bouquet, you give a forced smile at the Duke. The music stops and the Archbishop announces to the guests they can sit down. When they did and the ceremony has finally started, tears form in your eyes.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony ” he states solemnly.

The word ‘matrimony’ echoes in your mind and you can’t listen to the Archbishop’s voice anymore. You can only watch the scene unfold in front of you until you willingly press a finger on a thorn from your bouquet to bring you back to reality. You can’t dwell in your own world anymore, you have to face your truth. In spite of yourself, you look furtively at Benedict before landing your gaze on the man in front of you again. At the same time you get back in the chapel, you hear the Archbishop exclaim : 

“If anyone thinks this man and this woman shall not be joined together, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

After the Archbishop's sentence, there is a silence for a second and you’re afraid your fast heartbeats can be heard. You wouldn’t be surprised to find your heart out of your chest.

As there is no protest, the Archbishop opens his mouth again to finish the wedding when your name echoes in the chapel. Every pair of eyes, yours included, land on the same spot, on Benedict, standing on his feet with a broken but determined gaze.

“Y/N, I know I told you I would leave you alone but I cannot.” he starts with trembling hands. “You need to hear me out, do not marry him ! You should not be obliged to marry a man you do not love… I love you too much to let you make this mistake.” he adds and at these words, Anthony tries to make him sit again in vain. “If you become his wife, you will not be happy, you will be miserable. We both know it. You should not be marrying the wrong man. You have always told me you wanted to marry a man you love dearly and who supports you in everything. And this man is not the Duke.” Benedict carries on and you feel the heat in your cheek. “I am not saying you should marry me, if this is not what you wish for, even if I would be honoured to be your husband. Just please, do not become his wife.”

Following his tirade, Benedict takes a deep breath. The room is filled with horrified looks, especially Anthony’s and your parents. No one knows how to react, not expecting this interruption. Benedict doesn’t pay attention to the others, he is only looking at you as if you were alone in the chapel. You can see all the tenderness and love he has for you.

As for you, your eyes are wide open in shock. Benedict’s intervention cut your growing anxiety off and you stay on your feet, not moving an inch. You don’t dare to say a word, not knowing what is going to happen next. The moment stays frozen in time for a whole minute before Anthony stands up and forces his brother to leave the chapel. Your eyes follow the two Bridgerton brothers until they’re out of sight.

Once everything is calm again, the Duke takes your hand to bring back your attention to him. He asks if they can resume and to answer him, you let your bouquet fall at your feet. You mutter a quick apology and walk up the aisle while your father is ordering you to come back.

As soon as you’re outside, you find Anthony reprimanding Benedict. Without paying a mind to it, you throw yourself at the man you love. Taken aback by your gesture, Anthony takes a step back. Understanding the situation, the Bridgerton first born knows he has to handle a delicate situation so he goes back to the chapel. You keep embracing Benedict in your arms for several seconds before putting your hands on his cheeks and kissing him with passion. Benedict stumbles, surprised by your action, before deepening the kiss. You keep kissing until you’re out of air. When you break the embrace, you keep your hands on both sides of his face, joyful tears in your eyes.

“You are right. I cannot marry him. I know what we have just done will have consequences but I do not care. I want to be with you. I want to be able to choose and I choose you. It is you I want by my side. I love you, Benedict.” you confess with a genuine smile, the first one in a month.

“I love you so much.” he answers, pecking your lips.

“I am so glad you were around when they said ‘speak now’. Had you not intervened, I never would have had the strength to run away.”

“I told you I would be here for you.” Benedict reminds you, stroking your cheeks. “We should leave while they are still in shock.”

You agree and Benedict takes your hand. You look at each other with love and without wasting another second, you run out of the place, you undo your veil and let it fall down on the ground. You know you’re in a complicated situation but it doesn't matter to you. You love each other and you will get married and even if it means going to another city and suffer the wrath of your parents once you’re back. You chose each other, it’s all that matters.

Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

{This is my side blog so I'll be answering comments under the username @marie-sworld}

[miracles-and-butterflies]

How did the family react to Mirabel's gift?

Isabela was fully ready to pounce the moment she heard the lock turning in her cell door. The only thing that really stumped her is that the man entered her room. Nobody has done that in… she’s not really sure. They usually just wait for her in the doorway, restrain her and then drag her to wherever she needs to be. They know if they enter her room it is a death sentence. But, as she eyes up the ugly face, she doesn’t think she has seen this man before. Perhaps he’s new? Ah well, it won’t matter when he’s in hell.

The man suddenly stops and Isabela blinks at him because he froze in the most unnatural way she’s ever seen. She’s not picky. If he wants to take death without fighting back, fine by her. It just makes it boring for her.

What was even stranger is that someone else followed him in. Not another scientist. Like her, the girl is wearing the same scratchy hospital gown. Isabela tries not to, she can’t stop herself from staring. The girl is young and small, but her hair is fully white (or maybe it’s a very pale blonde? The lighting is horrible in here), though it looks healthy as opposed to old people’s. Her skin as well is a patchwork of pale skin, combined with a few speckles of darker spots. On top of that is a plethora of injuries. One eye looks purple(?) from lack of pigment, the eyelashes and eyebrow as fair as the hair; the other eye is almost striking in brown. As she examines face, she can’t help but see the resemblance to—

“Mirabel?”

The other nods, an eyebrow raised questioningly in her tone. Then realisation settles and Mirabel holds up a hand. “Oh yes, this is… a failed experiment. A few skin cells losing pigment isn’t important right now.”

Isabela didn’t blink. “It’s a lot worse than just a few skin cells…”

“What?” Mirabel squeaked in alarm.

Coming to the conclusion that Mirabel probably hadn’t seen her reflection at all and could only see what she could see herself, she probably had no idea.

Glancing back to see the guy wasn’t going to do anything, she took the chance and pulled Mirabel into a hug. The latter accepted it and hugged Isabela back, though she winced and mumbled something about being mindful of the injuries. Which Isabela quickly pulled her hands away from and adjusted her hold, making it a little awkward. She didn’t care though; she was just glad to have someone here.

“What’s going on? ..Why are you here? Who’s this?” Isabela asked when they separated.

“We are leaving, I came to get you, and no idea.” Mirabel answered, counting each off her fingers as she did. “He… he is under my control. I think that… I think that the miracle has finally given me a gift and this is it.” She held out her index finger.

“What?” Was Isabela’s response.

Her sister stepped closer, still holding out her finger for Isabela to examine. There was nothing there.

“What am I looking at?”

“Can’t you see it?”

“Yeah, I can see that your finger has been drained of colour.”

“No, the… you can’t see the thread, can you?”

Isabela slowly shook her head.

Mirabel sighed, stepping back alongside the scientist— has he just been like that this entire time? Holy shit, she knew the people who worked at the centre were psychos but this is something else.

“He is under my control,” she repeated. “I can control him with my mind. There’s a little teal thread that connects us. I made him stop beating me and I made him take me to each of your cells, yours just happened to be the closest…” Isabela nodded in understanding. She has a lot of questions for their miracle - like why the fuck didn’t she get that gift? Mirabel wouldn’t use it to its full advantage. Imagine how many people she could fuck with. “I don’t quite know how it works or how to make him stop, but—”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just kill him when we’re done.” Isabela waved off.

“I… that doesn’t strike me as very ethical.”

“I said don’t worry about it. Just get us to the next cell and let your big sister handle it.”

“It’s nice to see that you haven’t changed, Isa.”

“I know, I’m a goddamn gem.” She retorted, already skipping to the exit. But she stopped for a moment to be serious. Her thirst for blood could wait a minute. “It’s nice to see you too.”

[four-loose-screws]

Helloooo... I hope I won't bother you asking this but I heard that in the jpn version of Veyle's diary it's precised she is the only of Alear's sister ?

It's no bother to me at all! The ally notebooks are proving to be one of the most fascinating cases to study in Engage - my guess is the localization team had to make a number of compromises to 'accuracy' of translation due to the limited space on each page.

So here's Veyle's first page, where we will find the answer to your question:

The Japanese sentence does indeed include 'yuiitsu', which decisively means 'one and only.' Immediately sparks some confusion, because we know Sombron had a lot of children, but the next word immediately clears that up - it's 'imouto' - younger sister. In Japanese, 'younger sister' and 'older sister' are each their own unique word (same for brother btw). So it doesn't take up any extra space in Japanese to specify older vs. younger, creating a tricky problem in English localization when the number of characters in a text box is limited.

That makes this make sense - Alear has Veyle as their one younger sister, and they can still have any number of older sisters.

Update 11/30: A couple of readers chimed in to point out that the game clearly states in Chapter 24 that Alear did indeed have at least one other younger sister, who was killed by Corrupted. So the ally page says "one and only" within the context of Alear's surviving siblings, who is only Veyle by the time the events of the Engage happen.

------------------

There's also a few other things to note about Veyle's pages, while I am here. The information cut due to space limitation does not end with just this one case!

Link to JP notebook pages on the Pegasus Knight Wiki

Pg. 1:

The sentence about Veyle defeating her evil side was longer in Japanese: ソンブルの策略により敵対したが、(She was an enemy due to Sombron's scheme, but) ヴェイルの意志で悪しき己を撃破。(defeated her evil side by her own will.)

Pg. 2:

None, localization is a straightforward translation.

Pg. 3:

The Japanese further details that her Corrupted are very complex / advanced / intelligent compared to the standard zombie-like Corrupted: 【特技】精巧な異形兵を作ること ((Talents) Creating intelligent Corrupted Her background mentions that she was born in Gradlon, and was alone for the past 1,000 years. 【来歴】グラドロンの地で生を受け ((Background) Born in Gradlon,) 邪竜の御子たちの末妹として育つ。(raised the youngest of the Fell Dragon's children.) 母は優しき心を持つ魔竜族だった。(Her mother was a mage dragon with a kind heart.) 千年の時を孤独に過ごし、父親に (She spent 1,000 years alone, and her father) 駒として扱われ望まぬ戦を重ねたが、(made her fight against her wishes over and over again as his pawn, but) 善良な心を失うことはなかった。(she never once lost her pure heart.)

Pg. 4:

JP also describes her as shy: 遠慮がちだが本当は大の遊び好き。(She is shy, but also very playful.) And there was also more to the sentence about her wanting to be useful to people: 人の役に立つことを何よりも望み、(She wants to be useful to people more than anything, 困っている人は放っておけない。(cannot ignore a person in need.)

Pg. 5:

The JP line about the Pact Ring also mentions that she treats it as her most valuable amulet / charm, as she did with the dragonstone.

(I took a screenshot of the page on YouTube, due to it not being on Pegasus Knight.)

--------------------------------------

Full English localization:

[laura1633]

I'm not a huge Lando fan or hater, but tbh I'm pretty shocked by all the vitriol directed at him since the race. Like I don't think landos comments in the interview were great, he could have been calmer, more diplomatic and eloquent. But... he isn't those things? From all the interviews of him I've seen since 2019, the constant traits he shows are that he's anxious, emotional, and not great at stringing a sentence together on his best day (which is probably at least partially related to his dyslexia, a learning disorder that can absolutely impact someone's ability to find the right words and express themselves verbally).

And so this guy, who skews very emotional, who has just experienced a crash and DNFd from the race, is put in front of a bunch of cameras and asked a bunch of questions while hes still full of adrenaline, and is now being absolutely devoured because he was mad and reactive and didn't offer a carefully nuanced perspective in that moment?

I just think people are holding lando to an impossibly high standard.

Response is below the cut again so that people can scroll past but given this ask was a different perspective I thought it only fair to share and respond.

I honestly don't know what type of reaction Lando is getting on social media or in any other space. I had to switch off from everywhere except here when I started to read people talking about Max deserving another crash like Silverstone 2021 which I thought was an absolutely vile thing to say and the sport would be better off without "fans" like that.

The reason I said that I give Lando a lot of leeway is because I have always found him to be awkward in interviews . I don't actually mean for that to come across as rude, as someone who has anxiety and adhd I also struggle a lot with expressing my thoughts, especially verbally. So I suppose awkward isn't the correct word, perhaps a better word is uncomfortable.

I also interpret things differently from some others so when Lando has said in the past "I should have won", I interpret it as him being hard on himself rather than self entitled. I also noticed that when he was talking about the effects of the safety car in Canada and saying he would have won without it a lot of the quotes cut off there whereas I know Lando went on to say something along the lines of "but the safety car helped me in Miami". It's clickbait reporting and I have also seen it happen to other drivers such as Max and Lewis. A lot of the blame can lie with the way things are reported and sensationalised.

To me personally the comments Lando made yesterday went beyond 'not giving a nuanced answer' but that is just my opinion. I should also say that its my opinion as a Max fan and I will always be honest and upfront about the fact that I am biased when it comes to anything to do with Max.

What I will say is that I don't think there was any need for the media to ask about their friendship. They could have just asked about the incident itself. I think the media have been building up and waiting for this moment and that is why we have heard so much about their friendship over the last few months. The media will be loving this as they really seem to enjoy making a soap opera out of a sport.

I make no attempt to say I see this through neutral eyes, I see this as a Max supporter. At the same time I don't think there is any need for people to be targeted and attacked on social media, I wouldn't want that for Lando in the same way as I wouldn't want that for Max. These are real people at the end of the day.

We have seen worse contact between other drivers and worse comments and reactions and people have made up and got on with things so lets see how it goes.

[tomatoluvr69]

yayyyyy @sonic-fizz tagged me to answer these 15 questions this is so old web core slayyyyyyyyyyyyyy love it thx <3

1. are you named after anyone

eh i was named after a grandparent in a slapdash way. like they just chopped off half the name and called it a day...

2. when was the last time you cried?

literally probably like 24-48 hours ago in the car thinking about how doomed i am (this is not true.). or maybe it was reading a sad article...i don't know. I tear up a lot but full on sobbing bawling was in mid-Dec and a more sustained sniffle crying was when i was hungover and miserable about my tortured loneliness and doom for the future on new year's day lol

3. do you have kids?

omg...no...the microplastics in my womb and doom in my genome and also i'm broke and single and american

4. what sports do you play/have played?

i swim but it's like in the way that other ppl take walks around the neighborhood a few times a week. sports were so fucking abysmal for me growing up that i feel i am unlikely to ever return

5. do you use sarcasm?

occasionally...i've grown out of it for the most part though. there are better ways to be funny in a lot of situations...i am silly goofy mostly, or use observational humor and wacky metaphors etc

6. what is the first thing you notice about people?

i'd love to be like 'a warm smile :-)' but if i'm being totally honest i'm scanning their clothing/hairstyle/grooming etc to scan for anyone likely to judge me based on my failure to conform to gender and modern consumerism...which isn't fair to others, i know......but sometimes you just see someone in like salon highlights barrel curls full makeup suburban drip and you're like hmmm eeeeeek scary! I think this is a vestigial defense mechanism from my relentless failure to dress right and be liked growing up. need 2 keep an eye out for the freaks and geeks and allies you know (but i'm so lucky to be in circles where everyone is dressing androgynously, having full on body hair everywhere, no makeup is the norm rather than the exception, funky used clothes and practical work/outdoors gear is the norm, etc. ok i'm getting off track...). i also notice people's height relative to my own bc i'm a bit insecure about towering over some people even though i'm not that tall.... :-( this stuff says way more about me than about anyone else... :-( i will say though that i'm pretty good about ignoring these first readings and giving people a chance once i get to know them. this is just the knee jerk first impression stuff

7. what’s your eye colour?

pale blue/grey. sorry :-/

8. scary movies or happy endings?

i like SAD ENDINGS of LOVERS' DEATHS and UNREQUITED PASSIONS and FAILED DREAMS and SCARRED MEMORIES....

9. any talents?

nothing like above and beyond. but there's a number of things i'm pretty sufficient at without trying too hard which is nice i guess. gardening, cooking from scratch w/o recipes, stringing together a sentence or a laugh...

10. where were you born?

my beautiful steel city...kisses 2 her majesty.......

11. what are your hobbies?

swimming gardening fermenting cooking writing reading going to indie films with friends of discerning tastes attending potlucks oh and LAYING FACE DOWN IN MY BED.....

12. do you have any pets?

i wish :-( renter problems......

13. how tall are you?

5’11" or so i have not been to the doctor in so many years LOL....

14. favourite subject in school?

hated school but hated the humanities the least...i loved my filmmaking class in college the most probably

15. dream job?

MOVIE DIRECTOR...FAMOUS AUTEUR NOVELIST...HOMEMAKER...

I tag @fieryphrazes, @iwrotemrtambourineman, @chriselliottfanblog, and @chekovsphaser from my notes recently...and literally anyone who wants to and is bored you can say i tagged you. in fact i would love to read it i think tag games are so fun and i love to read them ok yay byeeee

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Hello!

I am a newbie to the FRev so I'd like to thank you for having the most amazingly detailed posts here that are, most importantly, as accurate as possible. Your blog is awesome!

Now to my questions: I read your answer to an ask about Camille and Annette's relationship and was left wondering, why did the family become so hostile towards him to the point of refusing him entry into their home?

Why did Lucille's father not want them to get married? Was it just about Camille's financial success? I saw a link to a letter in the post but my French is horrible so I have no idea what was written.

And, I'm not sure how this was seen at the time, of course times were different, but the way he talks about Annette though he claimed to be platonic, it seems that he found her attractive?? Or maybe he was "buttering" her up (he seemed to be a bit of a womanizer though maybe most men were like that at that time and frequently complimented many women at once)? When he met Lucille she was still quite young (especially compared to his age), so I got the impression (just an impression) that he liked the mother, but she was already taken so he went for the daughter instead? Though this couldve been normal at the time.

That post gave me a whole different perspective on Desmoulins and his love story, thank you so much and I apologise for the lenghty ask and if my questions sound ignorant.

Thank you so much for your compliments. So happy I can be of use to people who are new to this mess. 😊

I agree, the idea that Camille was really in love with Annette and just had to go for the second best is one that is really easy to make when reading his letters and poems to her. I don’t really have anything that goes against it being true other than the fact that Camille, as stated, once refers to his and Annette’s relationship as being just platonic (and how much truth there actually was to that I will leave unsaid…). It doesn’t particulary help that most 18th century people writing letters by today’s standards sound like they want to jump into bed with the receiver, no matter who that person might be… I don’t know if there’s anything in particular (besides words like ”my beloved”) you should look at to help determine if two people are/want to be more than just friends.

As for why Lucile’s parents didn’t want to let Camille have her in 1787, that is actually quite easy to discover through the letter Camille wrote to the father in March the following year, published by Jules Claretie on April 26 1879 within the paper Journal officiel de la République française. The letter Camille’s responding to here has unfortunately gone missing, but as can be seen, Camille still lays out and combats its arguments in a very clear way (apologies if there’s any translation errors in here):

Monsieur, I am not mistaken and I am forced to agree that your letter is worthy of a father and full of wisdom. The first moments of pain that I experienced were followed by the calm of reason, and I take advantage of this calm to allow myself a few observations regarding your letter and putting them before your eyes.

Don't let my probity scare you. The reflections that M. Duplessis made me make on your [sic] uncertain state. My uncertain state is not uncertain. I am a lawyer in the parliament of Paris and what makes your state certain in this profession is not to be on the board, but talent and work. I am certain morally of being in charge of all the appeals of the sentences of Guise, which alone will compose for me an honest cabinet and an income of 7 or 8,000 livres at least; I cannot believe that there exists anyone who, after having read the memoir that is printed about me at this moment, tells you that my condition is uncertain. The letters I have from MM. Lorget and Linguet would prove to you, if you read them, that my condition is not uncertain. Already I have a flow of business which can only grow and I will have won a hundred louis this year, supposing that I lose the lawsuit which is about to be judged and whose gain would be worth more than two thousand écus to me.

On future events which may call me back to the provinces. I took a vow to stability in the bar of the capital, this vow is expressed clearly in the epistle and the printed memorandum which I gave to you. There exists only one thing that could make me detach from Paris and make a stay in the provinces bearable, it would be if I met Mlle Duplessis there, to what oaths must I bind myself in order to take away this fear that I will leave Paris? I see very well that you do not know how much I love your daughter, since you suppose that I would be able to sadden her by taking her away from a father to whom she is so tenderly dear.

On the impossibility for me to have a house where your daughter, like at your place, could find the softnesses and charms of life. There is something touching about this paternal fear that would have made me reproach myself for my premature research. But did you believe that Mlle Duplessis is less dear to me than to you and that I wanted a happiness that would have cost her the sacrifice of the comforts of life? As for me, the sweetness and pleasures of life would have been to live with her and with you, and these pleasures would have made all the others insipid to me. There are two things here that I cannot believe, first off the fact that this fear so natural to a father that his daughter would be less happy did not alarm you from the first moment you found out about my goal; second off, that your answer here would have been the one I had the pleasure of seeing. If you had thought that Mademoiselle Duplessis' change of lodging would deprive her of the pleasures of life, it would not have been with me that she could find those pleasures. I had not concealed my lack of fortune, nor sought to surprise your avowal by magnifying my hopes, in order to have the satisfaction of showing you that I had brought into this affair all the frankness and delicacy which befits my profession; I almost decried my father's fortune and succeeded so well that you then said to me: ”With the help of your fortune, I could wait until some brilliant affair had rescued me from obscurity.” You said this to me in much stronger terms, for your expressions were that, no longer being forced to run after an écu, I could devote myself without distraction to studies which would later make me known later as a jurisconsult, if the embarrassment of my stammer was an insurmountable obstacle which prevented me from succeeding in my pleading. It is clear that you did not flatter yourself then that I could put together a home for Mlle Duplessis. However, this beloved child was still not less dear to you at the moment and you surely didn’t think that she would lose the comforts of life, but you understood that there was a way to arrange it so that she would not have to make any sacrifice until the time which is not far off, when my condition would bring me 10 to 12 thousand livres. Did Mlle. Duplessis need a house other than yours for a few years? I would even have liked her to continue to live together with you, and for the change in her adress, while at the same time making me the happiest of all men, only to have added to the sweetnesses of life without it costing her any deprivation. Although the dowry I propose to give her is of a certain consistency, you may remember that when you mentioned this section, I kept silent. Surely, to wait until my estate was enough I did not need to find a dowry. At the present moment, I am able to count only on 3 or 4 thousand livres that I would get this year from my work or from my father. But wouldn’t these 4 thousand livres, joined to the 3 or 4 that you would give to mademoiselle your daughter, be enough for a house worthy of her? Of you I wouldn’t ask for anything more. She would have brought a thousand amiable qualities into the household; as for me, I would have put my estate there and I dare say some talents. It would have been a marriage without a dowry like that of the laborers, but those of that time are well worth those of ours. I never made mine a business, the only dowry I would have asked for was that one loves me, not as much as I do (in return), that is impossible, but I am sure that mademoiselle your daughter would have been touched to see me solely occupied with the care of paying her the debt of happiness that I would have contracted.

You urged me to overcome my affection. If it were only an affection, it could be overcome, but the wound is deeper. Remember, monsieur, in what dejection I appeared before you, my state had become so violent that whatever you might have said to me, it was impossible for my pain to wring my heart more on leaving your house compared to what fear had caused it upon entering. That is why, even though it cost me, I begged you to tear off the blindfold and uproot my hope. But how much you have decreased it instead. I only asked for a distant hope and you gave me a near hope. Fortune, you told me, would not determine your choice and you did not make happiness consist of fortune. I exercised an honorable profession that it was not even necessary to fulfill with a certain brilliance in order to appear to you worthy of belonging to you; it was enough for you that your daughter was loved tenderly and constantly and that second to her your son-in-law loved only work. Who would have believed in my place that this son-in-law was really me. You did more: you invited me to spend holidays and Sundays at your countryhouse and you allowed me, you even warned me to let my father know about this interview. At this moment my father has probably written to you and part of my joy was to think about he who does not care about the dowry (that of my mother, who is still whole despite our misfortunes because it has always been sacred in his eyes, was more important) but who loves me with tenderness and is no doubt delighted that I have finally obtained this demoiselle Duplessis of whom I have been speaking to him incessantly for five years and whom he wanted me to show him when he spent a few days in Paris two years ago. In my letter from March 22, it was no longer vain conjectures and equivocal walks in the Luxembourg that I entertained, it was speeches that a father of a family had given me, hadn't I had to base myself entirely on his answer?

It would be deceiving my honesty to make any promises to me at this time, considering the young age of your daughter. If you only wish to postpone the term of my happiness, I have already waited five years, and I can still wait another two and even more, but since I above all make happiness consist in this thought that we love each other for life, I only beg you to tell me if after two years and when my heart has perhaps been consumed by these attachments, I will not have to renounce the sweet habit of loving her. My age was no more advanced four days ago when you gave me such imminent hopes. Also this reason that you bring is not the real one and you yourself do not disguise it from me. An even more essential point to observe to you, is that it for me would be putting up a barrier against the parties which within two years could present themselves and to make you give yourself up to opportunities which fulfill your views. As for what concerns me in this article, what occasion, what views can you tell me about? What purpose can I have but to be happy, and I can only be so, monsieur, with you. Where can I find another family that I love so much? I have gone too far with mademoiselle Duplessis to ever retrace my steps, and if you come to take away from me the hope that you have made me conceive, you will have unwittingly caused the misfortune of my life. I come to the great reason, that it would be to put up a barrier against the parties which could present themselves within two years. If, when you did me the honor of granting me an interview, you had said that to me, everything would have been very clear and I would have had nothing to respond to. But, since then, you declared to me that fortune would not decide your choice for mademoiselle your daughter, and that you would seek for her only a husband who would love her with tenderness; so you mean that in two years from now there may come people who like her better than me. If so, let it be. All of them will undoubtedly love her positively, but to love her more desperately than me will be difficult. And I will always have been five years ahead.

You told me enough that you had not changed your mind in regards to me, and that, if I succeeded in destroying the motives that you were good enough to explain to me in detail, you would return to your first feelings. It seems to me that I have replied in a satisfactory manner to the objections of M. Duplessis; I therefore conjure you to come back to your first favorable dispositions and return for me the heart of a father. I would very much like you and Madame Duplessis to grant me an interview. I would remove all of your doubts, and I would come down to details that cannot enter into a letter: do not push me away from your bosom but allow me to give you both names to which my heart would refuse if I had to give them to others. It is with these feelings that I have the honor to be, monsieur, your very humble and very obedient servant. DESMOULINS  Lawyer in parliament.

According to Hervé Leuwers’ Desmoulins biography, Claretie did for some reason leave out the following part when transcribing the letter: ”D’allieurs, ai-je donc demandé Mlle Duplessis pour le moment? J’ai demandé seulement si je pourrais obtenir un jour sa main, quand mon état serait pleinement fait.” which suggests Camille wasn’t actually asking if he could marry Lucile right away, just if he could call dibs on her for the future.

As for why the family fell out with Camille a year after the letter was penned down, to the extent that they asked him to stop visiting them, that is hard to know for sure considering we don’t have their letters on their issue (and those of Camille are both vague and bias in his favor). My best guess is that he simply wouldn’t shut up about the engagement and they kicked him out for that reason.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

They’ve put up all the Taskmaster season 16 interviews already, which I like. In recent seasons they’ve been putting them out earlier and earlier into the season, and I always thought they should really just put all of them up before the season starts, as those are meant to be a way to get a feel for the contestants ahead of actually seeing them. The way they’ve split it in earlier seasons has a couple airing before the season starts and then the others airing a few episodes in, so some give you that feel for ones we don’t know about yet and then some are just extra details about people we’ve already seen on the show, and it’s a bit confusing. I much prefer being able to watch them all beforehand.

I watched them all tonight, and quite enjoyed that. Liked the format of this one – finally making them draw a picture of Alex after years of drawing Greg. And God, Alex is good at his job. Sometimes I forget a bit, or just take it for granted, how incredibly funny Alex Horne can be while just really causally, deadpan, fucking with a contestant via simple questions. To answer one of the questions he asked – no, I don’t think anyone else could do that job as well as he does (though Paul Williams is also fucking good at it). I think a lot of other people could do Greg’s job, very few could do Alex’s.

The interviews were fun. I enjoyed how much of an impression Julian Clary made, as I haven’t seen him do much else so that was a nice way to get to know him a bit. Imposing and confident. The only one to not just do everything Alex asked him. Clearly it’s a character, but there may have also been an underlying bit of “I have had a very long and very successful career in showbusiness, I don’t need to be desperate to do well on a panel show.”

Lucy Beaumont’s reminded me of how much I enjoy watching Lucy Beaumont do anything. I’ve seen her do quite a few things by now, and I still don’t have much of a handle on how much of her ditzy persona is real, but I am looking forward to seeing if I can figure it out via Taskmaster. Not even try to figure out “her true hidden self” or whatever – I’d just like to know how much of it we’re supposed to assume is a character. Though the fact that I can’t really tell is definitely part of her charm. Nearly everything about her is part of her charm. She’s got a lot of charm. So much charm.

I liked Sue Perkins’ mix of Julian Cleary’s “I’m too successful to need to be desperate to impress on a panel show” attitude (the exact opposite of Lucy Beaumont, who came off as being full of “desperate to impress on a panel show” attitude, which is what I’d expected from her), and Lucy Beaumont’s struggling and scrambling. She came off as pretty similar to the Sue Perkins I know from other panel shows, which is exactly what I hope she’ll be on Taskmaster. The duality of humanity. The confidence and the scrambling. The cool exterior and the panic. It’s going to be fun.

Susan Wokoma was the one I knew the least well, even including Cleary, so seeing her was fun. It was funny to watch her after someone like Julian Cleary, who was deadpanning right alongside Alex. While Susan was the opposite, breaking into giggles at the absurdity of everything he said, reminding me that way of Desiree Burch or even Katherine Parkinson. Constantly surprised by the revelation of what show she’s on (which might be explained by her answer of “my agents wanted me to” when asked why she did the show). Her laugh is fun to listen to, as is her defensiveness every time Alex changes the rules. I look forward to listening to both those things for ten episodes.

Sam Campbell had me worried for a bit, with my bold claims that I think he will be better at the tasks (not even at the comedy, just at scoring points in the tasks) than anyone else on this season. It doesn’t bode incredibly well toward me being proven right that he couldn’t remember how pronouns worked and tripped over his words on every sentence when asked to make a pretty simple language change. That skill is integral to a lot of tasks. Though my hopes were restored when his picture was revealed at the end, and it was by far the best. That’s a skill I didn’t even know he had when I was listing the skills he’s displayed through his stand-up that I think will make him good at tasks. Turns out Sammy C can draw, add that to the list of reasons for my prediction! (Actually I’ve just realized I did already know that, he drew that picture that James Acaster brought in ages ago.) Anyway, he was huge fun, that was the sort of energy level I've been hoping he'll bring.

I had a friend on Tumblr apologize to me the other day for whether they talk too much about finding a comedian attractive, as though I am too respectable a person for such tawdry things and shouldn’t have to hear them. Which is a ridiculous thing to apologize for, given that I’m well aware that Tumblr.com is very much the talking about famous people you want to fuck website. I mean, I might personally use it for other things, but I’m not here to disrespect its main function. So having said that, I’ve had a crush on Sue Perkins since I first got into Radio 4’s The News Quiz when I was nineteen. I didn’t even know what she looked like until I’d been hearing her voice for years, but just hearing her on the radio was enough to do that (though… when I eventually Googled a picture of her, that certainly didn’t hurt). On the subject of voices, seeing Lucy Beaumont’s video has reminded me that that particular accent is… certainly an impressive accent. That’s a good accent. What's the least creepy way I can say that's a good accent? Because I'd like to do that. And look, I sort of think that everyone, regardless of their gender or usual sexual orientation, who sees Sam Campbell has at least a bit of a crush on him.

So there you go, I thought I’d end my post with something to let people know that no one has to apologize to me for calling comedians hot on Tumblr.com; I can do it too, even if I usually make at least some effort to say these sorts of things slightly less often than I think them. But I’m glad everyone is having a good time.

New season tomorrow! New season tomorrow! Very excited for the new season tomorrow (even though I’m going to see Grace Petrie tomorrow, which I’m incredibly fucking excited about, so I won’t get to watch the episode until Friday after work). Happy early Taskmaster Day to all who celebrate!

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Random question but i just started learning Japanese again (I did make an attempt a couple years ago but didn't learn much beyond the script and rudimentary vocab & sentences) and would love to know if you have any learning tips for a newbie! anything that helped you in your learning process is welcome!

(& are classes necessary or can it be done fully online & with books?)

My journey to learning Japanese has been full of fits and starts has been ongoing in some capacity since I was about 12, I think.

Anyway.

I did take a few classes in Japanese in college, which I think helped a lot: it taught me hiragana and katakana, which are just. Vital. And a few other bits and pieces. And then I let it rust over, because...well, college classes gave me some useful starting points, but it wasn't...a good way for me to learn a language.

When I picked it back up again, I had a few new things on my side:

Knowledge how to find and obtain Japanese content, both written and spoken, to actually try to understand

Friends! Who spoke! The language! And who could help me get over my terrible anxiety at actually trying to use it. And give me resources like recommending the dictionary I use and a couple of reference guides, and one even gave me her old class notes. I didn't really have friends to check in with on my understanding before, which made a lot of things harder.

Social media aka actually seeing people using the language naturally and not as a product of fiction. Super helpful in learning natural speech!

Etc.

I think if you have katakana and hiragana down, and some idea of how particles and grammar works, it's worth picking up some easy reading or kid's TV with a dictionary to see how accessible it is to you. If you can manage at least kind of, then that's a path you can take if it helps you. If not, you might need more formalized support to get to a place where you can self-learn.

It really all depends on how you learn, I think, and how inclined to languages you are, to figure out what you need.

Self-learning has been really, really good for me, but well. I'm that kind of person, and I'm the kind of person who grammar just. Makes sense to, hence my career field in "fixing people's grammar." And it's also fair to note in addition to Japanese classes, I took Italian in high school and my major program in college also included a number of grammar and linguistic classes to understand how...those kinds of things work.

So self-learning works for me, because of who I am and the basics I have in languages and grammar as concepts. This may not be the case for you, and that's fine! Classes or formalized programs can be really, really helpful for people who need structure or aren't good self-starters, none of which are bad things, but require different support.

Anyway, I hope some of this helps, and if not, I guess you can try asking again in a different or more specific way.

I've also talked about this a couple different times that might help?

[honeybeefae]

Hey! Can I ask a few questions? Imma ask my every fav author these.

1. How long have you been Writing?

2. Are you planning to make a profession out of this or just doing it for fun?

3. Who or which character do you prefer to write more for?

4. What do you do when you're out of ideas?

5. Lastly, Will plz give an advice for the young writers out that.

Hey anon! Of course, I love answering questions (even though this is so late and I am so sorry!)

1.) I've been writing since middle school(?) I started off writing poetry, which was not good at all, lol, and then from there, I started writing short stories, which then turned into this! I think my first fanfiction was WWE fanfic on fanfiction.net 🫣

2.) I would LOVE to make a profession out of writing. I only recently started posting my fics in the last 3 years? The beginning of my "official public" profile was Kylo Ren/Adam Driver fanfics, and then I went to ACOTAR! I have a few story ideas that I could definitely see myself writing, all fantasy romance ofc, but I always second guess myself on actually publishing. It is such a huge leap, and I am SO self-critical of my writing. I hope one day to be a published author!

3.) Eris Vanserra had my heart the moment I met him in the books. He is definitely my favorite character to write for. I don't know if it is how ambiguous his intentions are or even his character, but I am drawn to him. Other than Eris I would say Cassian, Nesta, and Lucien!

4.) Writers block is SO hard for me. The things that help me are watching tv shows, reading books or fics, or looking at artwork! If that fails, I'll look up sentence prompts to inspire me!

5.) I don't want this to sound preachy or pretentious but to write is to create. The world NEEDS more creators, more dreamers, more feelers. In a world full of ordinary things, it is artists and writers who create things extraordinary. I know how scary it can be to write something, to second guess yourself, to worry if anyone will see it, but I implore anyone who wants to write to do it! You are the master of your story, the creator of your universe! It is the most amazing feeling to write a story, to make characters and plot lines, and to have people read them. And people WILL read them. Doubt is something that holds us all back, but I don't think any of you will regret the leap of faith it takes when you are ready to take it. I am always happy to support new artists and help them grow. Idk if any of the above made sense but the basic gist of what I am trying to say is to have faith in yourself, in your creativity, and light the spark to your own excellence. May it never fade and only grow to inspire others. <3

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey Begins

I got a physical back in early August this year. While I was there, I reminded my doctor "Hey, any chance you could maybe get me the contact details for that specialist you mentioned last year so I can get an evaluation to see if I'm ADHD or ASD?". He immediately remembered that I had asked about that last year and promised he would get me her card.

Well, it slipped is mind back then, and even though I called and emailed a few times, he just didn't seem to respond.

Oh hey, turns out HE has ADD and HE takes medication. Sometimes he just forgets because he deals with a lot of patients. It wasn't anything super hardcore pressing to me, so I just let it go after a while and decided to ask when I went in for my next physical.

When I brought it up this time, he stopped me mid-sentence, walked out of the room, and returned about two minutes later with the specialist's business card. He apologized for not getting it to me sooner, advised that I should call her as soon as I leave his office, try to schedule an appointment with her, and get an evaluation done. He said that if it turns out she thinks I am in fact ADD or ASD, that I should call his office just as soon as I get out with the diagnosis, and we would have a conversation about medication.

Well, we had a conversation about medication right then and there anyway, but it still was worth calling and talking about anyway.

I called the specialist and left a message--this was around 11am.

I got a call back from her receptionist about 30 minutes later--they have an opening that day! It's around 4 or so. I tell them "YES! I WOULD LIKE TO SCHEDULE TODAY IF THAT IS OKAY!"

They slot me in. It futz around that side of town because i live in a big city that is extremely car-centric (thank you good ole US of A... [sarcasm]) and show up at her office about 15 minutes early. I don't have anything better to do, so I show up that early. I also like being early to doctor appointments because you never know what the situation will be. They may have a patient cancel and you get seen earlier. It may be that the doctor is running behind so you have to wait anyway. You might have issues fighting traffic to get there (again, thanks... Uncle Sam). I just like being early for this kind of thing.

I end up waiting the full 15 minutes that I was early because the doctor was with another patient. When she's ready, she calls me back. I don't have to wait a silly amount of time, she's just ready to see me.

We have a conversation. She goes over her pre-written questionnaire. I answer the questions to the best of my ability. I try to be honest. I try to give as much accuracy as I can and confess my lack of answer when I don't have one but try to cobble something together to provide SOME kind of insight for the question.

About 15 minutes pass as we talk. She's very affable, friendly, funny, she actually laughs at my stupid dorky humor. She asks me what I do for a living, and what I've done in the past. I explain my last few jobs and how they have not gone well for me.

She looks me in the eye and says "those are all extremely detail oriented jobs... how are you able to do them?"

Half joking, half serious, I reply with "I'm not!"

The truth is, I find little hacks and tricks to try and keep myself on task, to minimize mistakes, maximize accuracy, try to maintain a calm demeanor... but that has always been a problem for me, especially when I'm under a heavy workload... or when I'm taking a hundred calls a day from people who are just looking for someone to scream at and make actionable threats against--despite the fact that I have no power over their case, I can only get them to the person who IS handling their case. I'm just a glorified receptionist in that specific role--a role I was fired from several years ago, and fuck did it knock the wind out of me.

She looks over her notes for a moment, then looks back at me and says "Yeah, I'd say you are DEFINITELY on the spectrum, and I think you might benefit from some medication. I think you should start on Adderall, low dose, see how it affects you. Have you talked to your PCP yet?"

(I had to have it explained to me to know what that means so I'm going to just go ahead and say for anyone else who might not know and is too afraid to as: PCP = Primary Care Physician... basically, the one doctor you see regularly, if you're lucky enough to be able to do so. I went YEARS without having a PCP because insurance is a fucking nightmare)

I explained to her what he had advised, that all I had to do was call him after I got out, explain that you confirmed I'm on the spectrum and that you think I should try Adderall, which is what he recommended too. We would discuss it, answer my questions and concerns, then he would put in a prescription at the pharmacy I had on file. I didn't need to go back to his office to do it. He would just forward it over.

This whole day kind of amazed me.

I had heard all manner of horror stories about how hard it is to get evaluated as an adult. Then how hard it was to get prescribed medication. THEN there's the fact that there is STILL an Adderall shortage going on. It's not as bad as it was, but it's still causing problems.

I call my doctor as soon as I'm out--he's already gone for the day but I leave a message explaining the situation. The specialist forwards confirmation of the diagnosis over to his office, it's all in order.

And then I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. After two weeks, I try to call his office to try and catch him for a conversation. Have to leave a message. I do this every couple of weeks until about the end of September when HE calls ME back while I'm working from home and while I pace around my bedroom chatting with him about the situation, he tells me everything I want to know, what to expect, what to do if I have trouble getting medication, it's all groovy. He says he wants to have a follow-up with me--if I recall correctly it can be just over the phone, I don't need to go into the office I don't think. I'm sure I'll find out later--once I've been on the medication and have enough experience with it to see how it's affecting me, then we can adjust dosage or try something else, or maybe I'm good with the 20mg twice daily situation. He wants to follow-up and see.

He says he's going to forward the prescription over that day. And so he does.

It's a pharmacy that's in a grocery store. I've gotten one or two prescriptions filled there before. It's fine. Nothing to write home about. This grocery store I will not openly name, but it rhymes with Dom Crumb... those of you who live in the southeast United States probably already know exactly which store I'm talking about... and how it shares a name with a character from English folklore about a very tiny lad about the size of one's... well... only opposable digit on their hand.

The pharmacy does not call. I figure, okay, they just don't have any medication in stock. There's a shortage after all... all us millennials are eating it all up because holy fuck do we need some help just being able to function HAHAHAHA LATE STAGE CAPITALISM ISN'T PURPOSEFULLY OVERLY COMPLEX AND TRAUMATIZING AT ALL!!

So I wait about a week, then I try to call, but their automated system doesn't give me the option to speak to a pharmacist, a tech, a live person at all. It doesn't even let me leave a message. Fun.

I decide to go in person after work. It's just around the corner, picked because of how close and convenient it is. I shop there all the time anyway. I wait patiently behind other folks, then politely explain my situation to the lady behind the counter and she--very helpfully--starts looking up information and goes into the back to see if they have any in stock.

Alas, they do not. She also advises me that there is a hold on my prescription BECAUSE they don't have any in stock, and that there are other prescriptions ahead of me, so depending on how much they get in their next delivery, I might not be filled at that time and have to wait longer.

Again, this is no big deal to me. I understand. Supply chain issues. Greedy pharmaceutical companies not producing enough because it probably increases demand--or maybe they just underestimated how absolutely and deeply FUCKED my generation is. I tell them I'll check back in a couple of weeks.

So I wait. A couple of weeks pass. I check. Still none in stock. This repeats SEVERAL TIMES until THE WEEK OF THANKSGIVING.

I remind you--I got an evaluation and diagnosis back in early August. It is now LATE NOVEMBER and they finally say they have some in stock. The lady asks if I can wait. I tell her I've got some shopping to do and I'll wander on back later.

I do my shopping. I wait patiently. I do my thing. I come back and the lady flags me down.

"We do have it in stock but... I'm afraid your prescription has expired. You'll need to get a new one from your doctor."

UGH... are you kidding me?!?

I comport myself well. I'm understanding and polite. It's been a long while, sure, and I'm hugely disappointed, but I understand. Out of curiosity, I ask when the prescription expired.

She says it ended back at the end of September.

***GIANT. FUCKING. EYE-TWITCH.***

Again, I comport myself well in public. Inside, I'm FUMING.

WHY WOULD THEY NOT TELL ME THAT MY PRESCRIPTION HAD EXPIRED DURING ANY OF MY LAST FIVE VISITS?

Whatever... whatever, they probably don't check the paperwork until the meds arrive. Fine.

I call my doctor's office, worried I'm going to have a hell of a time getting someone to help me out just like it took so long to have the convo with my doc in the first place.

I get a call back--I forget exactly when. It might have been same day. It might have been the next. It might have been a couple of days. Regardless, it's a lot sooner than I feared.

I had left a message explaining the situation and the medical assistant says "I see that you need a new prescription for Adderall. But I also see a note on the file that the doctor wants to follow-up with you before refilling, so we can schedule a time for you to get with him to have that follow-up."

"I mean... okay, if you need to have him sign off on it before you send it, I understand, but the follow-up was to check on me after I had started it and been taking it for a while to see how I was doing. I haven't even GOTTEN the medication yet. I haven't been able to START taking it yet. Is there any way you can send a new prescription to my pharmacy so I get this ball rolling?"

He realizes he misread the transcription of the message: "OOOH... you haven't even GOTTEN it yet?!? WOW... okay yeah, we'll go ahead and submit a new prescription for you."

Our communication mishap is resolved, we end the call in a jovial fashion, I'm feeling pretty mildly okay. Things have been super stressful elsewhere in life for the last several months, and have only just really gotten real bad all over again and so if this is one thing I can get settled... I'm down to clown.

I get a call from the pharmacy THAT. DAY. Not even three hours later.

Fucking baller. Love it.

The pharmacy says they can't fill my prescription.

...wat...

They cite some law about needing to be within 20 miles of the prescribing doctor's office because it's a controlled substance.

It's Texas. I 100% believe the asshat lawmakers in this state have ABSOLUTELY taken ridiculously egregious steps to limit access to legally prescribed medications for a wide variety of reasons. No doubt, the front-facing explanation is "We want to make sure no one is using it as precursor to making Meth" and sure... that's a legit concern... but it's 60 pills, 20 mg each, my first prescription. I have no history of getting this anywhere else. I'm literally new to this. It shouldn't raise any red flags.

I'm willing to bet that these same asshat lawmakers also have a pretty dim view of mental health care.

"You don't have ADD, you're just hyper and lazy and undisciplined. You just need Jesus and a boot in the ass. NOW GET TO WORK!!" or some shit like that. Not saying they all think this... but I'm willing to bet a disgustingly shocking number of them do. Don't have proof. Just have experience with how fucked up my state is, and how the dominant party has--as a matter of record--acquitted a man who is credibly accused of getting an underage girl drunk and taking advantage of her. I won't use the R word here because I know some folks are triggered by it, but yeah... that's what he did. That's the state I live in. And moving out of state is prohibitively expensive... also, I wouldn't know where the fuck to go. My job is here. I can't take it with me I'm pretty sure, despite working part of every week from home.

Anyway, getting into the weeds: shit's fucked, yo.

The pharmacy won't fill the prescription. I frantically start trying to find proof of this law. I can't find it. I go on google maps and measure. Straight line from the doctor's office to the grocery store is 16.5 miles. So that's absolute fucking bullshit--unless they're going but like... DRIVEN miles... HORRAY!! MORE LOVE FOR THE CAR-CENTRIC CITY!!!

I call up my doctor's office and leave another message. I explain that the pharmacy says they can't fill it because of some 20 mile law. It's Friday. I know the doctor isn't in the office. I'm not expecting a call back that day.

As a fact finding mission--not really expecting to get any movement or satisfying answer--after I get off work, I go over to a local Walgreens. It's literally a block from where I live, even closer than the grocery store. The pharmacy is open until 9pm. I go in, I wait in line, and then I ask the pharmacy if they have Adderall in stock, if they know anything about a 20 mile law, and explain that the Rom Bum just down the street is cock blocking me on getting my brain fixed.

He's very disappointed to hear this. He doesn't know anything about a ***20*** mile law, but he's heard of a ***50*** mile law. I try to look this up later but I can't find anything about it either. Maybe I'm not searching in the right places. Maybe it's not a law, maybe it's a store policy and the pharmacists just SAY it's a law? I don't know. The Walgreens pharmacist gives me all kinds of options to get around the Adderall shortage--because it's specifically the 20mg he's having trouble keeping in stock. He offers the suggestion of different dosages taken at different frequencies. I politely tell him "Well, this is what my doctor wants me to start on to see how it affects me. Maybe we can adjust later once we know more."

He accepts this, apologizes that I've had so much trouble at the other place, and says "Yeah, if we can get someone at your doctor's office on the phone to confirm--because it's a controlled substance--then we should be able to fill it no problem if we have it in stock."

I thank you for his help and go home. I go to bed, unbelievably livid over this whole situation. Like... all day since I got the call from Gom Rum... I'm just... infuriated. I want to scream. I actually do scream, into one of my pillows. I want to break things. So I grab my pillow and start slamming it on to my mattress as hard as I can until I wear myself out. This is the only thing I will allow myself to do because I'm not apt to break anything--and yeah... I have anger issues. I have a BREATHTAKING temper. From what I understand, emotional disregulation is another symptom of ADD or ASD so... hey, it's in my fucking wheelhouse.

I knock my glasses off in the wild swinging of my arms to get some sense of physical satisfaction in wanting to do harm. I step on them and knock a lens out. Thankfully, it pops back in, but I have bent the frame just EVER so slightly and so I'm going to have to figure out how to bend it back so my glasses are more level on my face.

This is why I need to get my shit handled. This is why I self-isolate. This is why I stay away from people. Because I do shit LIKE THIS and I just... cannot control my temper sometimes. It's frustrating and it leaves me absolutely hating myself for failing to keep it together, for breaking something, for losing my cool, for letting the mask slip and showing the monster underneath. I'm told that ADD medication can help with this.

That bit doesn't click until much, much later. At any rate, I'm absolutely exhausted, angry, depressed, and thinking I should just give up on this whole endeavor because I've got too much other shit to put up with to deal with this nonsense as well.

I hold off on making any decision on that for the moment, because decisions made while emotional are frequently regretted. Ask me how I know.

The weekend passes and I just kind of sit in a funk the whole time. Nothing seems fun or enjoyable. Nothing holds my interest. I just coast through the weekend watching Youtube mainly.

When Monday comes... there's no return call from the doctor's office all day. Tuesday, I call and leave a message again. No call back the rest of the day. That's not unexpected, but it's still disappointing and it's getting me pissed off all over again. The decision to give up is gaining popularity in my brain.

Wednesday morning, at about 8:45 am, I've only just gotten into the office, I'm setting up, my phone is set to vibrate--but stupidly, I didn't learn my lesson from the lengthy game of phone tag back in September--the doctor's office calls.

I miss the call. ...FUCK...

I see the notification pop up on the screen after the fact, saying I have a voicemail. I lock my computer and hurry off to some quiet place where I can have a phone call without disturbing everyone else on the floor. I call, expecting to have to leave another message.

They pick up.

They actually pick up. Holy shit, red letter day, I've got a live person on the phone.

They say they got my message, they ask me a few questions like "Are they just saying they need to delay? They need more time?"

I tell them, "No... they are straight up refusing to fill the prescription because of some 20 mile law I can't find on the books, and the pharmacy is 16.5 miles from your office. I don't get it. I don't understand why I'm having so much trouble. Can we move it to a different pharmacy? I'm kind of done with this place."

The lady on the phone is disappointed and disturbed by this information, so she happily lets me pick a new pharmacy. It just so happens that because of my little fact-finding mission Friday night, I have one already picked out. I give her the details, she confirms, it's all good, she says she'll send it over that day.

At least I've got the doctor's office side of this taken care of. Now we just wait to see how Walgreens decides to dick me over.

Sports-fans, you will never guess what happens next.

I have another missed call at 3pm that same day.

It's Walgreens.

I have an email from them too.

MY PRESCRIPTION IS READY TO PICK UP.

THEY FILLED IT WITHIN 6 HOURS OF RECEIVING IT. IT'S READY. I CAN GO PICK IT UP TONIGHT!!! HOLY SHIT!! OH MY GOD IT'S A MOTHER FUCKING MIRACLE!!!

Unfortunately, I have another errand to run and I don't know how long it will take to get that sorted out. I have to drop my car off to get some maintenance done on it. Something about the CV boots leaking grease on the engine... the place actually showed me photos of my car doing this when I got the oil changed a month back. I didn't have the money at the moment to take it on so I decided "Let me save up a couple of paychecks and we'll tackle it... possibly December, no later than January. I don't drive that much. My commute to work is 10 minutes on the side roads. I can wait a bit longer than most."

Well, the situation happened to yield good results, I was able to get the money I need in my bank account to pay for the maintenance. I just needed to drop the car off overnight. They'd get it fixed over the course of half a day, call me when it's ready, and I can come pick it up. They even set me up with a loaner car in the interim... and fuck did I stress the hell out about my complex possibly towing it because I didn't get back home until after the front office was closed (it wouldn't have made any difference to call ahead of time, I wouldn't have the loaner car's details to give them).

I get the loaner, I head back up towards where I work, pass it, and go the other direction towards home... fun stuff needing to go in the opposite direction of home to do something right after work. Makes everything take so much longer to get done, but whatever. I've got the loaner, my car is gonna get worked on, I'll get it back tomorrow unless there's something that throws a monkey wrench into the plan.

I head up to Walgreens, I get my prescription. I go to a bookstore to buy a physical copy of "Project Hail Mary" because the audiobook I've got is damn good and I want a physical version I can hold... just in case... you know... Audible/Amazon decides to be a colossal dick. Then I pick up dinner. Tacos, from a really good taco place. I'm celebrating the fact that this whole Adderall thing has actually finally paid off. Now I just need to start taking it to see how it affects me.

That will come in the morning.

For now, tacos and tatter tots. Oh and youtube, lots of youtube. I watch lots of stuff on youtube. And the whole Somerton situation has shaken loose a lot of videos from a lot of people talking about it. And happily, it's not just rehashing the same details. They're all looking at it from different angles. Like "Why did we fall for this?" "How do we move forward?" "What should we as leftists do to try and keep this from happening again?" "What changes can and should we make?" stuff like that. It's great. I love seeing people try to problem solve rather than just try to dog-pile on. It's real NASA level shit and I'm a space nerd so NASA is my jam--as is their approach to so much of what they do. Just ask me about how I help my mom plan to cook large meals for holidays... I call it a flight plan... and it's one, giant recipe, planning out what needs to be done in what order, starting with prep and ending with service. Love me a good flight plan.

Just almost never have the will, interest, or focus to build flight plans for other aspects of my life, so I just end up winging it a lot. It works okay, but not always.

That's one reason why I wanna try the Adderall I've got sitting on my desk staring at me while I've got a mouth full of taco.

Among other reasons. I hear it's a mild appetite suppressant, and if it helps keep me from snacking between meals, hey, I might just lose a little weight, make my pants fit a little better, get some flexibility back. But... tomorrow. Not now. Now, I need to be able to sleep.

And sleep I do, grateful that at least one major issue has finally FINALLY been dealt with and I can actually FINALLY START this journey properly.

From early August to early December. Roughly four whole months, and I am less than 12 hours away from starting a medication that may help me get my brain to act a bit better, help me focus, help me even my temper out, help me lose weight--I honestly don't know what all it might do... hell, it might not do anything. I could have no reaction. Or an allergic reaction. No way to tell. That last one is super rare, but... with my luck and my allergies... I don't rule it out and keep in mind that I might need to call for rescue if I have a problem.

That was last night.

Today was my first day on the meds.

I've started a log of what I notice while I'm on the pill.

I'm going to collect data, review it, share it with my doctor, and we can make whatever decision best addresses what I find.

So far though, I'm encouraged. I'm very encouraged. It didn't have any shocking, intensely powerful effect... it's just been one day. I'm told it takes a week or two for the dosage to build up and start showing signs.

But what I've experienced so far... I'm encouraged.

It's hard to tell if it was because of the medicine, or if it was just because I had a really good day at work, but I'm energized, I'm enthusiastic, I have energy again... and I... may have... forgotten to eat my lunch (I did a lot of training today, people learning how to do workflows that I have information on, so I didn't have much time to stop and eat). The appetite suppressant aspect kept me from feeling hungry, so I wasn't distracted by that. That was nice.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Let me know if you'd like to read what I've got in my log. I feel like this might be info that other folks could find helpful or useful... or maybe more experienced ADD folks on the same medication can offer advice for how I can maximize what benefits I get from this... or share things to watch out for.

I'm new to this, and I'd love feed back.

Let me know if you wanna read the log. I don't really care about being too insanely private about it--though I don't have anything too revealing in it, nor plan on putting anything too revealing in it.

Anyway... yeah... long post is long.

This is probably the longest thing I've written since... fuck... February? March? And I felt good writing it.

Again, not sure if it was just how the day went, or if it's the meds.

But I'm hopeful about finding out more.