#people order some fucking whack shit

[astonmartinii]

a spoonful of sugar | oscar piastri social media au

pairing: oscar piastri x fem chef!reader

cheffing it up all over the calendar

MASTERLIST | TIPS

yourusername

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yourusername: WOAH WHAT IT'S OSCAR'S HOME RACE WEEK? that mean's it's time to whack out the aussie cook book mama piastri got me for christmas and man this fish has a cool name. BARRAMUNDI is a fish very commonly used in aussie cuisine (real ones know it from masterchef australia). so here i've pan seared it with some herbs and some lemons and take it from me it SLAPS, but you know what i hope slaps more? oscar this weekend... LET'S GO BABY

[as always this recipe is on my website and will be in my 2024 f1 calendar recipe book coming out soon]

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user1: FAVES OMG PARENTS

user2: my favourite thing is where i read intently all of y/n's recipe and continue to make pot noodles

yourusername: pot noodles are good i can't even be mad

oscarpiastri: can confirm it did in fact SLAP

yourusername: oh wow piastri stamp of approval that's basically a michelin star

oscarpiastri: tbf i would eat a roll of paper towels if it was you who gave it to me

yourusername: okay.... I'LL TAKE IT

user3: can we please study these people cause why is saying you'd eat paper towels is the pinnacle of romance

user4: i NEED the recipe book STAT

landonorris: i was on board with this whole cooking thing but FISH IS WHERE I DRAW THE LINE

yourusername: oh boy we got a BABY ON THE LINE

landonorris: i'm allowed to like what i like my MUM said so

yourusername: bro is an elite athlete and exclusively eats chicken nuggies

landonorris: @oscarpiastri tell your girlfriend to stop bullying me

oscarpiastri: i'm on her side buddy maybe explore the culinary world

landonorris: that's it i'm going to HR

yourusername: try it girly the mclaren HR team LOVE my food

user5: the dynamics since oscar and y/n got comfortable in the sport are my favourite things

oscarpiastri

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oscarpiastri: first time on the podium at my home race and the feeling is unreal. so thankful to have my family and love of my life around me, lets keep building on this !!

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user7: THANK THE LORD MCLAREN KEPT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER IN 2024 OSCAR FIRST WIN COMING IN FAST

yourusername: I AM TOTALLY FINE ABOUT THIS AND I AM NOT SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY BECAUSE I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU AT ALL TIMES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

oscarpiastri: I LOVE YOU TOO SO MUCH AND I LOVE SHARING THIS WITH YOU AND SEEING THE WORLD WITH YOU AND REACHING OUR DREAMS TOGETHER

user8: are they good?

logansargeant: from the man currently waiting for them to go to dinner and can hear them yelling this stuff to each other... no they are not okay and i don't think they ever have been

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR I AM SORRY I CANNOT CONTAIN MY LOVE FOR OSCAR

oscarpiastri: jealous bitches gonna be bitter

logansargeant: ??? excuse me

oscarpiastri: i'm sorry i got excited... love you logan (just not as much as y/n)

user9: this comment section is once again making me want to sneak into an F1 after party :(

user10: they're just going to dinner they've not even started drinking yet 😭

landonorris: i am proud of you mate - why is y/n dancing around in the kitchen in an apron that says "this chef FUCKS"

yourusername: fashion. (it says oscar piastri in small print right under that)

landonorris: i didn't need to know that

oscarpiastri: let her dance it makes the food taste even better

landonorris: there's definitely no fish right?

yourusername: no fish by order of the fussy child

landonorris: bullying online and in person @maxverstappen1 @charles_leclerc @logansargeant STEP IN

maxverstappen1: eh i'm good i'm looking forward to dinner

charles_leclerc: you're on your own with this one lando

logansargeant: i've learnt not to cross y/n

user11: the piastris invited lando, logan and the rest of the podium? i am soft

yourusername

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yourusername: a big post podium celebration dinner at the piastri house to celebrate oscar's home podium. first off, super duper proud. second, since it was a strictly no fish evening, i decided to go for classic aussie meat pies and grilled kangaroo LOL but there was only clean plates at the end so i'll defo consider adding it to the recipe book

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user12: i am getting a sugar rush this is so sweet

logansargeant: thank you for having me, a solid 9/10 - one point docked because kangaroos are cute

yourusername: wait until you run into one on a cold, wet evening

oscarpiastri: they are actually very scary and have a stealing problem

yourusername: tbf i think we all have a stealing problem

oscarpiastri: you definietly do ... cause you stole my heart

logansargeant: EW NOT ON MY COMMENT THREAD

user13: i'm so lonely

maxverstappen1: i definitely did not think i was going to eat kangaroo this week but here we are

yourusername: did you like it?

maxverstappen1: i was shocked at how much i did

oscarpiastri: babe get that on the review cover of the recipe book this guy got three championships that has to mean something

yourusername: good idea i'm on it

maxverstappen1: ???

landonorris: you fed me kanga and roo from winnie the pooh? Y/N YOU FED ME KANGA AND ROO FROM WINNIE THE POOH?

yourusername: you eat chicken all the time and you don't feel sorry for chicken little

oscarpiastri: she ate you up there PUN INTENDED

landonorris: i've learnt my lesson i'm giving up here

charles_leclerc: i for one had a blast and will be asking for y/n to cater my birthday party

oscarpiastri: FOR A PRICE

charles_leclerc: you her guard dog or something?

oscarpiastri: duh? have you seen her?

yourusername: i would love to (idk monagasque cuisine though so give me notice)

yourusername

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yourusername: IMOLA, IMOLA MY HEART LIVES IN ITALIA AND MY STOMACH LIVES WITH ITALIAN FOOD. for real. the track is cute and whatnot but the real star is the pasta, the pizza, the gelato but most importantly the PASTA. here is two dishes that'll feature in the imola chapter: a burrata dish and a ragu !! oscar (and lando) certified so you know it's good, oscar even helped so it's defo beginner friendly!!

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user17: is it a collective f1 driver experience to be ass at cooking

danielricciardo: yes

maxverstappen1: yes

oscarpiastri: yes

landonorris: yes

charles_leclerc: YES

oscarpiastri: if i'm slow this weekend it's because i couldn't stop eating the ragu sorry mclaren

yourusername: i made sure no gelato until sunday so please don't take me out back and shoot me over giving him pasta

mclarenf1: bring some pasta for social media admin and no one has to know

yourusername: deal

landonorris: this is a public instagram comment section

charles_leclerc: why is mine always so darn crunchy

yourusername: inpatient, common amongst you drivers. oscar was once so impatient when boiling an egg he got it out and it was just watery egg

oscarpiastri: you said you wouldn't tell anyone :(

yourusername: no babe i'm proud !!! you've come so far

oscarpiastri: it's true i made my own omelette the other day :)

yourusername: and it was yummy

oscarpiastri: and it was yummy :)

user18: the positive affirmations in this relationship really keep me going

yourusername: he IS the MOST beautiful racer in all of the lands

oscarpiastri: she IS the PRETTIEST chef in all of the kitchens

oscarpiastri

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oscarpiastri: not the race we wanted in spain, but we're still in good spirits and in the conversation at the top of the standings! also helps that when you get taken out of the race your girlfriend shovels the BEST paella ever into your mouth until you finally smile

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user19: bro got a girlfriend and personal chef all in one

yourusername: food is my love language and when babe gets twatted into the barriers by SOMEONE i will personally feed him some of his favourite food

user20: she's holding back

yourusername: PR said i couldn't say anything...

oscarpiastri: i love youuuuuuuuu and i love your paella i think it's laced with crack

logansargeant: @fia GET HIS ASS

yourusername: LOGIE BEAR?

logansargeant: i'm sorry, we're pretty desperate for the p7 here at williams

yourusername: i respect that

oscarpiastri: Y/N????

yourusername: MORE PAELLA

carlossainz55: big respect for the paella, definitely looks authentic

yourusername: OBVIOUSLY IT'S AUTHENTIC DO YOU THINK MY QUALIFICATIONS ARE A JOKE

yourusername: lol sorry thank you actually SPANISH F1 DRIVER APPROVED PAELLA

oscarpiastri: @fernandoalo_oficial can we get another good review please and thank you

fernandoalo_oficial: looks good, need a taste to be sure

yourusername: it's coming your way (please return the tupperware tho please)

mclarenf1: you'll come back stronger oscar 💪

oscarpiastri: fuelled by love and paella

yourusername: fuelled by VENOM AND THE WILL TO WIN AND CRUSH THE COMPETITION

oscarpiastri: and that 🫶

note: here's a short and sweet one that MAY return to finish out this fictional season ... i also just love this kind of set up for an imagine. it's a lil short i know but the CHRISTMAS CRAFTS ARE COMING IN FAST AND THE CROSS STITCH CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE SLAYING THE HOUSE DOWN

[earlycuntsets]

"Wanted: 1979 Pontiac Trans Am

Tuesday March 24, 2009 | Posted by: Gerard

Some of you, who have seen my twitter about wanting a 1979 Pontiac Trans Am, may be asking yourselves, "Is this for real?"

And my answer to you is one-hundred percent MFR ("Mad Fucking Real" for short).

Some of you may be asking, "Why?" , so I provided this photograph to answer your questions, and if you need further persuasion-

Quite simply, I need the vehicle for "research and exploration". I will be researching the high-voltage hydra known as the 9th dimension , I will be exploring the barriers of speed and time, the history of heavy-metal haircuts, and the 24-Hr rest-stop cappuccino.

I will be chasing the "electric-manticore", and unlocking the riddle of "Muscle Mystery" in this muscle-machine, and it will most likely occur in the desert.

Now that I've assuaged your curiosity, here's what I'm looking for, more or less, and some might think I'm picky, but I think you should be picky when looking for such an important piece of scientific equipment.

***What I want*** First and foremost, I want a good car. It doesn't have to be great, it doesn't need to have been kept in an airtight garage for 30 years, but I would prefer something that's not a piece of shit. I would like it to be in California, close to or within the greater Los Angeles area. I would also like "the fast engine" to show you how much I know about cars, though I have friends with vast automotive knowledge, and my father was a mechanic when I was a child. I want it to run, run well, and have no rust. Oh and it needs to be an automatic, as I can't drive stick (suprise!).

***Colors and specifics*** Exteriors (in order of awesome): Silver, the color of steel, and the eye of the falcon. Faded, slightly shitty, or semi-bombed out looking Nocturne Blue. This color looks great with some age. Mad-Max Black. Shitty bombed-out Red/Orange

Obviously I am looking for something with a bit of character but I will settle for better shape for a better car.

I am open to other things but I absolutely do not want Gold, Brown, or that frigging Smokey and The Bandit car- that shit is whack.

Interiors (again in "awesome order") Red leather (combined with a silver exterior is an ideal car for me- like a fucking Mach-5 red-velvet cupcake with Terminator 2 frosting) Black leather (of course) Blue (cuz it's cool, but this limits what I can paint the exterior if I choose to do so) Interior material is not as much a deal breaker as a bad color.

I've seen the "Anniversary Edition" '79 Trans and I like it but something about the silver leather interior rubs me weird. Looks like pudding, and a light color will only stain when I shit my pants as I tear-ass through scorched earth.

T-Tops a BIG plus.

All of this stuff I am semi-flexible on, as I just want a great car, but I think I will know the right one when I see it.

***Important*** No scams or hustles. I won't have cash on me, and I'm not important enough to kidnap, but if you've got the right car and the right "vibe" I can find us someone important enough to kidnap together- IN-THE-CAR-YOU-JUST-SOLD-ME. Like, for example, the Jonas Brothers. I have been on T.V. and I have access.

You bring the 'bird- I'm bringing "British Steel" by Judas Priest.

xo g

PS- Thanks for everyone's help thus far- you guys are great. I will be looking in the twitter replies for leads. ***Update*** I have noticed that some people are wondering if I am having a mid-life crisis or asking why I am not buying a station wagon or something for a baby. Answers! Firstly, I am only 31, so I have a bit of time before that whole "crisis" thing, and secondly- I've run the numbers on car safety and have come to the conclusion that this IS the car for the baby. This thing is a tank. Usually, when people get into accidents while driving a Trans Am they usually ask "How is the other guy?". Trust me. I got this."

from gerards blog on mychemicalromance.com 03/24/2009

[youcouldmakealife]

Stuff That Helps Me Write: Procrastination Busting (Intro)

My entire writing process, I've learned, boils down to trickery.

I'm the queen of procrastination (I think that royal title automatically comes with your ADHD diagnosis). That applies to literally everything: I will procrastinate eating. Sleeping. Hydrating. Bathroom breaks. Working. Not working. Doing shit I am actively looking forward to. I have a graveyard of games I never finished because I got too close to the end and my brain went ‘I’m enjoying this too much to finish, So I guess I’ll just never play it again’.

So obviously writing’s no exception to my ability to postpone doing anything and everything, but for some reason, it’s impacted less than everything else. So why?

Because it’s my job, but that goes for literally every other part of my job too, and I can procrastinate just fine on those parts. Just look at how long publication takes me.

Because I frequently hyperfocus on it, but in order to get into that state of mind I still have to start, and that’s the part that procrastination impacts the most.

Because I enjoy writing, but as I’ve just said, enjoyment has no bearing on whether I’ll do it. Ditto the fact I find it meaningful, and satisfying, and am invested in where it’s going. None of that makes something immune to procrastination. In fact, as those poor video games show, sometimes that makes me more likely to procrastinate.

So why don’t I generally procrastinate writing?

The fact that it's my job, and I enjoy it, and find it adds meaning to my life, all have in no way made me less likely to procrastinate, but they have meant that for 20+ years, I have been methodically figuring out workarounds for said procrastination. Things will work for a little while, until procrastination inevitably pops right back up with a new excuse, and then I have to figure out a workaround for that one. It’s been a very extended game of whack-a-mole, but I now have an entire toolbox to work with, and writing is now the most consistent thing in my life, only second to reading, which I basically do daily, and don’t consider a ‘habit’ to work on any more than most would consider watching TV or playing video games every day a ‘habit’ to work on.

Now, when I say consistency, I don’t mean I write on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays at 5:30 am with a lit candle and a fragrant mug of tea like I have been told to do (writing guides all seem to require writing before dawn, which is something I only ever do accidentally, wrapping up a ‘whoops, got an idea in the middle of the night’ session).

I have found some things help with that sort of consistency (and that may be another post), but I'm not that kind of consistent. Every week looks different. Every day looks different. But on average I write between 200k and 300k a year, at a rate of between 1000-1500 words a working day. My schedule may vary — I might write five days one week, three days another, might write double one week to the next, might write 12,000 or 30,000 in a month. But when I zoom out, I'm consistent as fuck on a long-term basis (with the caveat that shit can happen, such as family emergencies or ol' bastard eye acting up again)

So uh, how?

All the common wisdom is has been distinctly unhelpful, in my experience. Treats don’t work on me, as I am aware I can just…not do the thing and have the treat anyway. Rewards don’t work on me, because ‘thing in nebulous future’ doesn’t have much to do with me now, does it? Holding myself hostage (‘no dinner/break/bathroom break until you write’) does not work, and should not be done, because those things aren’t rewards, they’re basic bodily functions (…apparently).

This is, I’ve learned, literally due to my wiring. Neurotypical people have an importance based nervous system. Motivating factors for tasks are the task's importance to them (duh) or someone they care about, the rewards associated with completion of the task (offer yourself a treat! Reward yourself at the end!), and the consequences associated with not completing the task.

None of that works on me. Like. At all.

It was only in recent years I learned about the interest based nervous system, and how it’s motivated by completely different things. Things that work to motivate me involve novelty, challenge (some will use competition interchangeably here, but I am not a particularly competitive person), urgency, and, well, interest.

And in hindsight, every single trick that’s ever worked for has touched on at least one of those categories.

I’m going to stop here, because I am literally procrastinating on writing Robbie by writing this, and the irony is too much for me right now, but I think that a larger than average portion of my readership may also be helped by tricks that specifically target novelty, challenge, urgency, and interest.

So, next week — an actual bullet pointed list of shit that tricks my brain into doing the thing. Some are more targeted to writing, some can be applied to plenty of things, but all of them have, at one time or another, made me Do the Thing, which, as the queen of procrastination, is a damn triumph.

[x-for-a-y]

re: my last post (again) here are my thoughts on what kind of reasonable lasting or short-term effects being goners would have on the doatk cast in a post-canon revival setting:

jake: i already headcanon him as being disabled, something akin to chronic fatigue or insomnia or POTS. so getting all the wires out... either his preexisting conditions make recovery harder or the lasting effects themselves are mainly just exacerbating his old issues. but regardless. rollator jake real guptill: the main thing he'd have to deal with is just being fucking Out Of It. getting used to having direct, normal control over his body again. like in the long-term he'll be alright it's just going to be a rough first few days being back in his body edmund: this would be easier to determine if he were less ambiguously human from the get-go so. fuck it. heightened allergen sensitivity acquired star warriors: kirby bounces back fine, he just needs a few days to relax some, and his friends like bandana dee notice he's more tired & give him some help & kindness. meta knight also probably could use some time off but he's not going to give himself any, & his crew certainly can't get him to, so eventually dedede's the one who buckles down and makes sure all his buddies are feeling well again demo: she's fine. i don't have anything else to say hamood: now on one hand that's a fucked up transformation. on the other hand that's a lot more to clearly get reset back to normal. & on the other hand he's, what, 5? i think he does end up with slightly out-of-whack proportions from all this- his wings in particular turn out on the side of too large -but it'd probably take another 8 years for stuff like corrective surgery or just physical therapy & shit to be considered at: unfortunately i never watched this show so while the long-term effects are pretty up in the air i don't think the short-term effects are any worse than what can be covered in, like, a couple episode's time. like maybe jake needs a good pep talk or two from people to feel comfortable in his body again & finn has to learn to not run away from his issues. something like that kebian + will: will goes home and vents a little about the experience to his partner(s? i don't watch all his stuff). kebin, meanwhile, only turns to a bit of introspection out of competitiveness for what ian does, and thinks to himself that maybe the wall is a little fucked up then goes no further; ian takes up yoga/other mindfulness-focused athletics in order to feel more at home in his body. korone: probably spends the first few days aching like a motherfucker, the sort of full-body soreness you only get from like climbing a mountain or a way-too-intense workout. once it stops hurting to breathe she probably goes back to gaming just to keep her mind off stuff & maybe picks up streaming again not long after but it's at least a couple weeks before she's at base physical performance again. morty: dude i don't know. i think it makes the most sense for him to fuck off & resume a lifestyle of peaceful hedonism & self-care. no way he's going to start being introspective about stuff until he's like. 40. i don't watch the show dreem himself i have nothing to say about but, going with the assumption that the puppet, me, & you are all versions of the same person: physically i can just say they deal with generally reduced stamina, mentally meanwhile. for their own health & safety they log the fuck off most places and try to enjoy the music they like without getting bogged down in the awkwardly online social kinds of things and then. i don't know, some kingdom hearts shit happens to it- it spends time offline & otherwise with friends trying to figure out its own emotions -and it regrows a heart/soul. mozart: he got hit with the hypermobility beam! oh shit! knee braces wrist braces a brace for the spine, you name it he uses it. bonus roommate: two dimensional in the adam ruins everything animated insert way. yeah it's fucked up. yeah he'll never fully be, like, a regular human.

[canyoufeelyourskinandbones]

Thoughts on Pit Babe the Series (major spoilers ahead)

Things I liked

car go vroom vroom 🚗 🚗💨

Charlie being a cinnamon roll soft puppy that melts Babe's walls 🥰 (also shoutout to Pavel's smile because that stole hearts)

Jeff!! Literally my favourite character out of the lot. He's cute, antisocial, saves himself and takes no shit ("I can leave the garage but I won't admit guilt for something I haven't done;" "If he's in a bad mood, why bring it to me?") all while being soft inside. My baby, my king 👑

Alan and Jeff ♥️ Charlie and Babe are cute but these two have a special place in my heart. The looks that were exchanged when Way accuses Jeff of causing Babe's accident (Alan's concern, pain at having to kick Jeff out, how Jeff's trusting gaze turns into hurt and anger at not being believed, the final glare as he walks away from the circle and Alan rushing after him aaaahhh). The way their relationship develops slowly till we get to episode 11 and it all comes rushing together 💞💞

The Hunter X Hunter team being a family

Kenta being morally grey 🩶. With all of Tony's children, you can see to some extent his influence over them but Kenta visibly struggles under it. The way he recognises when Tony is being cruel and wrong but can't stop him, and how he follows orders as far as he can, how he never hurts Pete, how he stays even though he knows that he's being abused. He gets fired because on some level he doesn't really want to hurt other people, he's just never been valued as anything but a weapon. When he stabs Tony and asks him to stop hurting other people? That hit.

KIM. Can we get some applause for him? I loved how principled he was. He's just out here working hard to beat the rival he admires on fair terms and Tony and alpha auctions just have to ruin it.

North and Sonic, the iconic duo ✨ who provide some much needed comic relief when shit gets dark. The series played with the idea of them being a couple and I'm fine either way. Platonic, romantic, idc, I just need them on screen together.

The Pete/Way and Pete/Kenta stuff happening. On one hand, Pete and Way's interactions suggested a romance (drinking together, tender moments, how Pete really sees Way - his sadness, guilt, and general feelings of fucked-up-ness, and how their enigma/enigma pairing echoes Charlie/Babe's alpha/alpha one). But the flashback of Pete and Kenta in the House of Suffering suggests that there's something there (was that an accidental kiss?). There's also the moment when Kenta corners Pete earlier in the series and Pete totally looks at his mouth, hmm. I think I prefer Pete/Way but I'd be down with Pete/Kenta because of the angsttt.

Was really into the AlanJeff sexy music (ifykyk)

Things I didn't like

Charlie's whining. Enough said.

Babe not apologizing for the way he treats Charlie when they're on the outs. Like yeah, he says sorry when Charlie is fake-dead but it shouldn't take that for him to be like "honey, sorry I was a dick."

Winner being Evil. Was hoping the tension between him and Kim would be the fun kind 😉 but Winner is a bully so that's not happening :((

Way's rushed redemption arc. If it wasn't for the sexual assault, he'd be up there with Kenta on the fun morally grey list. What he did to Babe could have been so much worse if he wasn't stopped but the way the storyline frames that as something that he can come back from just because he decided to change is so outta whack. If he stayed dead - S2 suggests otherwise - that would have been fine but he's coming back and like . . I don't know if sacrificing your life makes up for almost raping your best friend (again, we have every reason to believe he would have). Soo no longer attached to Way as a character, which is fine because the way he emotionally isolates Babe was already such a red flag.

About halfway through the series I felt like it should be called Tony's Children or something cause god, where was the racing and the fun group dynamics?? Instead it was kidnapping! Predictions of death! Sexual assault! Human trafficking! I know S2 will have the same dark themes, but I hope it's more balanced.

Although there were definitely parts of this show I wasn't a fan of, it was overall a fun time and I'm looking forward to seeing S2 and (hopefully) lots more AlanJeff. And cars going vroom vroom 🚗💨

[video-game-kids-tournament]

MEET YOUR CONTESTANTS!

A Hat In Time spoilers under the cut!

Name: Hat Kid

Age: “normal kid age (aka we have no idea)”

Gender + Pronouns: “usually called a little girl by others and she/her, I guess? I dunno it’s not rlly often anyone refers to them in the third person I think.”

• “Smug Female Child (according to the wiki)”

Video Game: A Hat In Time

Backstory: “Came onto Earth because she lost all the Time Pieces that fuel her rocket ship and needs to recollect all of them to get back to her home planet.”

• “The mafia accidentally dumped her spaceship fuel onto the surface of a planet, so she has to get it back. That's pretty much it.”

• “Small child with a big spaceship trying to get timepieces back to power their ship after they are taxed by the mafia “

• “She's a humanoid alien who is trying to recover her lost Time Pieces, the fuel for her space ship, so she can go home. She explores a town overrun by the mafia, a haunted forest, a movie studio, and other places to find them.”

• “A little glien girl gets stranded on a strange planet when her space ship loses all the "time pieces" that fuel it. In order to get it up and running again, she has to search the planet for all the pieces. Only problem is: the time pieces are very powerful, and the inhabitants of the planet have very different ideas about what they should be used for. This makes getting her ship working again very difficult.”

• “Little alien girl gets mildly invaded, loses her time pieces. She then proceeds to get them all back, beating the ever living crud out of those in her way, if need be. She also befriends most of them.”

Why should they win the tournament?: “I think she could beat the shit out of any of these children you put her against. Probably. She’ll whack you with her umbrella and if that doesn’t work she’s got a shit ton of badges and hats that could equally fuck you up. Or silence you. Or just make her faster. She’s literally just some alien kid who landed here and is ready to either save the planet or goof off so hard it nearly destroys it. We love her for it.”

• “Hat. Nuff said.”

• "They're a great protagonist with great smug energy”

• "She's an adorable gremlin. She makes the ghost who steals her soul into her BFF by modifying a contract he makes to try and kick her out, crashes a cruise ship, and joins a cat gang.”

• “Hat Kid's go-to problem solving strategy is "beat the problem with my magic umbrella/bat until it goes away" and it usually works. Sometimes the "problem" is a person, though, and then there's a high chance they end up becoming her friend after she's beaten them silly. But my point is that Hat Kid's Defining Character Trait is that she will fight anyone and win. List of notable people this kid has beaten the shit out of: - the head of the Mafia - a Western Movie Film Director (who happens to be a bird) - a Disco Movie Film Director (also a bird) - a malevolent forest spirit who steals souls (who happens to be a lawyer. and also a cursed prince) - another child. - the head of the Yakuza (who happens to be a cat)”

• “She's amazing and I love her. Also she's super cool and can fight everyone here and probably win. Maybe. She also had a laser in her umbrella and can double jump. Smug dance.”

[taehyungfirst]

https://www.tumblr.com/taehyungfirst/761320458629021696/if-taehyung-was-the-one-posting-that?source=share

boycotters are literally whacking jhope (and deservedly so) wdym?

can this weird mentality of acting like everyone is out to get your personal fav, end already?

tae faces lots of sabotage and hate by company and fandom (an insane amount) but that doesn't mean everything that happens is related to that.

People who actually have jobs and give a shit about lives outside of worshipping the ground celebs walk on will be disappointed if any artist they supported for years hung out with zionists, or shared zionist brands, or remained completely silent about something no one should be silent about.

jHope posting selfies with a fucking zionist who raised 60 MILLION DOLLARS FOR THE IDF. That's a fucking big deal and everyone is pissed about it.

Do you have any idea the number of armys that took a step back and removed the 7 and the profile pictures and changed their usernames just these last few months (since muse, which also included zionists?)

the number of armys now saying they are upset and don't think they'd be able to find joy in bts music anymore because seeing some of the members cozy up with full blow zionists is too much?

It's a big deal and it's being treated as such in the right circles.

"if taehyung was the one who posted that" is this a joke to you? I KNOW it's not. You seem like a good person, and I love your blog, and it's why I've been following you for more than a year now, but things like this is so insensitive. Yeah, your tae solo and tae kook circles won't be hearing much about what boycotters have to say about jhope, since boycotters and armys that stan rapline wouldn't exactly be in your circle. Doesn't mean people suddenly don't care and only pretended to, in order to "sabotage tae" or some dumb shit.

Some of us actually care. Might be shocking in Kpop circles, but that's the truth. Some of us boycotted every song on golden from the day it was released. Some of us started whole campaigns for divestments and boycotting. Many of us boycotted every release for almost a full year now. We're not a majority, and lots of solos and shitty antis jumped on the wagon when it suited them, but that hardly means everyone is faking it.

People are dying. Palestinian fans are losing everything and then watching as those who they supported for years couldn't give less of a shit about it.

Ignorance is a choice. Yes there are reasons bts in particular might be removed from what's going on (aka military), but at the end of the day, all 7 are celebs who pursued this industry and the fame that comes with it, and all of them WANT to be famous and known and successful, even if it means working with unethical people, or brands. That's the industries they chose. They're not removed from them. They may not be bad people but they are not exempt from criticisms like any other ignorant celebs, and that is what they are.

Can we PLEASE not turn this into a bullshit fanwar?

I'm coming off as harsh and rude and I don't want to be, but it just feels like so many of you are so removed. Like zero empathy exists.

Did certain weirdos and antis use the tae McDonalds pic to spread a crazy hate train that was way too far and uncalled for? yes, and fuck them for that.

but that doesn't mean criticizing and trying to educate was wrong. Ignorance IS a choice. Defending and acting like he did nothing wrong and worse, trying to spread lies about the bds list, now that was fucked up too.

Like we can agree assholes will blow things out of proportion for their own agendas, but that hardly means boycotters as a whole aren't gonna be upset or disappointed when any member engages with zionists or works for zionists? (and all bts members work with zionist unethical brands btw)

Hello, my post came off as insensitive but it wasn’t my intention. I know boycotters armys are disappointed and I know they’ve been boycotting, but I still think that the reaction the fandom had for Taehyung was completely different from the reaction they had for any other member. My timeline on twitter (surprisingly) is not just Taehyung biased people, I have seen the stuff they said for Taehyung for a picture of 2yo fries. They made fanarts depicting him as a monster, unfollowed him, Ari (I’m sure you know who I’m referring to) created a side account to talk shit about him and wishing medias would lash on him. The reactions were disproportionate and it’s clear to everyone, I have never stated that trying to inform someone is wrong I just said that if Tae was the one posting Pharrell on his account he would’ve gotten funeral wreaths outside the company, and you know it well too.

[frothlad]

3600 words of profane exegesis below the cut.

Gonzalez v Trevino, retaliatory arrest

The opinion was issued "per curiam", meaning for the whole court, rather than being attributed to a single justice. That is historically meaning that the result is uncontroversial and clear and the court wants to speak with one voice.

Ha, HA HA ha ha

Not since Bush v. Gore it doesn't.

Anyway, Gonzalez was involved in city politics and got afoul of the city manager. She got a recall petition going. It got heated. At the end of one city council meeting, she (accidentally, probably) grabbed the petition as part of getting her shit together to leave. She was arrested, some time later, on the grounds of having intentionally removed a government record. The details are extremely shenanigans-y, but OK, whatever. The charge was dropped. She sued for retaliatory arrest.

Under precedent, you can't do that if there was probable cause for the arrest, and there probably was probable cause. But there's a "Nieves" case that provides an escape clause -- if you can show that if cops have probable cause but don't arrest most people in your circumstances, you can sue for retaliatory arrest even in the face of probable cause. Gonzalez showed that everybody arrested for her crime was arrested for wildly different stuff (mostly bogus ID cards). The Fifth Circuit said, no, you have to show that people who did exactly what you did weren't arrested.

Per curiam, five pages, the Court holds that that is too narrow, that Gonzalez's evidence is appropriate. Doesn't actually decide the case, but y'know, Rule of Continued Employment of Appellate Lawyers.

The real news is the goddamn extras. This is per curiam, so everyone has to show their asses.

Alito concurs, 16 pages because like he's got anything better to do. Gonzalez had a wacko second theory which I won't get into, and he spends some time whacking it on the head, but mostly he just wants to say Nieves is narrow and this isn't changing that.

Kavanaugh concurs, 2 pages, and he's dumb. He says this isn't a Nieves case, this is a mens rea case and Gonzalez conceded (unwisely) mens rea, and so the case should have been DIGged, but it wasn't and the per curiam opinion doesn't do any harm so fine. This is the fucking epitome of mediocre white man talking. I will 100% give you, the mens rea argument is half interesting, but the fact that no one else in the case is talking about it should give you a clue that it's not appropriate to the case at the bar.

Jackson concurs with Sotomayor, 2 pages, with a clapback at Alito and a suggestion that the acceptable evidence for a Nieves claim are even wider.

Thomas dissenting, 4 pages, he thinks the Nieves exception is moose poots and should be dropped, with his usual citation to imagined legal history where it was clear that any probable cause always defeats retaliatory arrest. SO UNIQUE YOU GUYS.

Moore v. US, taxation

Rich people hate taxation, and there are think tanks dedicated to making bullshit cases up in order to challenge laws that right wing culture warriors would like to get rid of. In this case, the Alliance Defending Freedom (who have several bullshit cases in their past and present, like both the mifepristone and EMTALA cases as well as the gay wedding website case). They have a history of making up shit; in this case, they lie to the court about how much the Moores invested, and their level of control and involvement in the company.

To a fair degree, it doesn't matter that this case is about a Trump-era tax on unrealized overseas profits; what this case is really about is an attempt to get it on record that wealth taxes as proposed by progressives like Warren and Sanders are unconstitutional. The constitution law on taxes has a long history and some fairly crucial terms of art that are not interesting enough to make up inventive profanity for, so I will merely say that the dispute is, more or less, whether it can be a "tax on incomes, from whatever source derived" if the income is imputed to you by tax accounting rather than you actually getting a check.

If you are familiar with business accounting, you know that you can book income as a credit if you've merely taken steps to secure the income, like sending an invoice. I don't understand this, but there are many, many things I do not understand about business accounting. But you can draw a direct line from that sort of thing to taxing income that is merely imputed, not actually in your possession.

The claim by the phony-baloney lawyers in the phony-baloney case is that the Moore's share of the profits of a foreign company aren't income because they weren't disbursed. Congress's law clearly says they are. Is Congress's law constitutional?

The answer is yes. Congress has been doing this sort of thing for a gazillion years (e.g. taxing shareholders and partners on business profits not disbursed), so there you go.

Kavanaugh for five (Roberts and the libs), Jackson concurring; Barrett for Alito concurring; Thomas for Gorsuch dissenting.

Kavanaugh 24 pages on the history of doing this sort of thing, but also plenty of caveats that they're not passing judgment on the wealth tax, whether income has to be realized by someone somewhere in order to be imputed to someone (e.g. pre-taxing capital gains before you actually sell, i.e. a wealth tax), etc.

Jackson writes -- she's making kind of a theme of this to be honest -- that it's not the job of the courts to second-guess policy decisions of Congress, and taxation is almost a plenary (unbound) power of Congress, so y'know, back off, this ain't our job.

Barrett thinks Kavanaugh's opinion is wrong in every jot and tittle, reads all the precedents incorrectly, and would cabin the US's taxation authority much more strongly (including requirements that income be realized), but ultimately agrees with the outcome because … the Moores conceded that the tax is similar to a tax they conceded was constitutional and nobody briefed seriously that it wasn't, so they lose? That's pretty bogus there, Ofmitch.

Thomas of course thinks that anything that the US Chamber of Commerce doesn't like is unconstitutional. He would hold that realization of income is a constitutional requirement and that the Moores did not realize any income.

Note: There are at least four votes that realization is a requirement for an income tax, probably six, so a wealth tax that doesn't jump through some hopes IS going to lose if it gets passed when it gets to the court. Since the historical process that could result in a wealth tax will also result in a swing of at least two justices to the anti-plutocrat side, we don't have to worry about that scenario yet.

Chiaverini v. City of Napoleon, malicious prosecution

Napoleon cops arrested Chiaverini on fencing crimes. Charges were dropped. He sued for malicious prosecution. The courts below concluded that there was probable cause to arrest him on some of the charges, and therefore the malicious prosecution failed completely.

The Court holds that the Sixth Circuit's categorical rule is wrong -- a malicious prosecution claim is not per se doomed if any of the charges is valid. But of course they don't hold that Chiaverini's claim is good. No, they say "the parties and [the US as amicus curiae] have three different views of how [to analyze the rest of the case] when a valid charge is also in the picture. But this issue is not properly before the Court, so the Sixth Circuit should address it on remand."

The Rule of Continued Appellate Lawyer Employment, again.

Kagan for the liberals and non-BTA; Thomas with Alito dissenting; Gorsuch dissenting.

Kagan is very short and sweet, 8 pages. Even the Explainer can't spin a case where everyone agrees into a long dissertation.

Thomas, of course, would blow up precedent (that malicious prosecution is understood as a claim under the Fourth Amendment). Of COURSE HE WOULD. This is why he is the centerpiece of the bomb-throwing anarchist wing.

Gorsuch would also blow up precedent, but by using a slightly different formula for the bomb.

Diaz v. United States, Rule of Fuck That Guy

Diaz was stopped at the border; her vehicle was searched and found to contain a fricking mule load of meth. She was charged in a way that requires the government to prove that she "knowingly" transported drugs.

She claimed not to know about the drugs.

Under federal rules of criminal procedure, expert witnesses may not testify as to the state of mind of the defendant. The US's rebuttal expert witness testified that "most couriers know they are transporting drugs". Diaz appealed, continuing to try to get the expert witness excluded under the state of mind clause.

Held: Fuck that (in this case) girl.

To quote Ken "Popehat" White: "Look he didn’t testify that ALL Belgians is criminals. He just said that MOST Belgians is criminals. So it’s not, whatayacallit, discriminatory.”

That pretty much covers it.

Thomas (of course) for Hard Time Alito, Umpire John, Beer Me, the Professor No Not That One The Crazy One, and for some goddamn reason, Jackson; Jackson concurrence which better be one page, 48 pt font "i'm being extorted"; Gorsuch for the Best Justice and the Professor No Not the Crazy One The Other One.

Thomas relies on "most" not being "all" so it's not formally a violation.

How the fuck is "most drug mules know they're mules" probative of any fucking thing at all? What the actual fuck. Get this shit out of the rules. You just better fucking hope I'm never put in charge of shit, because THERE WILL BE CHANGES. I may complain about the BTA wing of the Court, but they ain't shit compared to what I would do.

Jackson's quisling fucking concurrence leans solely on "sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander". Like a fucking public defender is going to have an expert to duel with the feds. Judges don't even let fucking defense present evidence that discredited forensic analysis is discredited. Budgets don't exist to let capital defendants hire investigators. What the fuck does Jackson think is going to fucking happen if she points out "if the prosecution can say that some cows fart, the defense can say that some pigs jump over the moon"?

I disagree with her decision-making process is what I'm saying.

The dissent mock mind-reading experts and points out that this is an enormous fucking win for the government.

Hey, you know what? Fuck the government, and fuck DHS, DEA, and ICE specifically.

Texas v New Mexico and Colorado, water rights

I will repeat my rubric: State versus state cases west of the Mississippi are always about water rights. State versus state cases east of the Mississippi are about half about water rights and half about Revolution-era boundaries.

Texas wants more water; Texas and New Mexico have reached an agreement and would like the case to go away now. But the US intervened, because it's involved because it operates one of the water departments under dispute, and it thinks the Texas-New Mexico agreement is Carlsbad gold*.

Held: The case continues. Of course it does. The Court is still dealing with 80-year-old water rights cases, this one isn't even a decade old, what the fuck do you think.

Jackson for five; Gorsuch for Thomas, Alito, Barrett dissenting.

I refuse to read any of this any further.

*bat guano. If you expected decorum or maturity, what the fuck do you think you're reading?

State Department v. Munoz, immigration

Guess the result, without even me telling you anything further.

Munoz, a citizen, would like her El Salvadorian husband to be able to return to her in the United States. The consulate in San Salvador denied his application for a visa, with a vague reference to "reasonable ground to believe that entry would be in pursuit of unlawful activity".

Is Munoz entitled to a reason? Does she have any sort of right that the government is bound to respect regarding her husband?

Hah! No, and fuck no!

Have you not learned ANYTHING about US immigration? It's there to keep people like Munoz's husband out. That's all it's for, that's all it does, and thinking that you have any right or freedom or liberty or protected interest is a deep fucking laugh in CIS land.

Barrett for five, Gorsuch separate concurrence; Sotomayor for the three libs dissenting.

Gorsuch would dismiss the case, because the feds provided some idea of the reason why Munoz's husband was denied entry.

Sotomayor cites to Dobbs ON PAGE TWO. ohmigod I love this woman. She is slamming this shit back in their face every time she can. Here, she points out that Dobbs explicitly declaimed that undoing the right to abortion undermined no other rights such as "the right to marry" and "the right to reside with relatives" and yet HERE THEY FUCKING ARE doing exactly that. She is a fiery knight and I want her digitized so she can serve on the Court forever. Anyway, like Gorsuch, she says that the Court didn't need to decide that Munoz has no protected liberty interest in, y'know, her husband.

Erlinger v US, Armed Career Criminal Act sentence enhancement redux all over again

You know, if Congress did its fucking job, we wouldn't have these cases every other term.

The fun part of this case is that the US agrees with Erlinger, so the Court appointed an amicus to defend the lower court judgment.

The exact path that led us to this case is entertainingly twisty, but as it comes to us, the issue is whether a string of crimes Erlinger committed a long time ago were "different occasions" or part of one long bender. If they were different occasions, then his sentence in his "felon in possession" conviction would be godawful long instead of merely cruelly long.

The Court does not decide that. Of course they don't, pay attention.

Instead, the Court holds that, based on the salutary line of sentencing cases starting with Apprendi, any fact that increases a sentence must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt to a jury. So a jury has to decide whether Erlinger gets an extra fifteen years on his sentence for having a gun because a gazillion years ago he had a days-long bender that involved "different occasions" or whether his days-long bender was one occasion.

This takes a total of 84 pages, if you care.

Gorsuch for a mixed group of six: Umpire John, SO UNIQUE YOU GUYS, the best justice of all, the Explainer, and the Crazy Professor. Umpie and Uniquey have concurrences. Kavanaugh dissents with Alito, and with Jackson except for part III. Jackson dissent. Jackson better the fuck not be writing against the Apprendi line of cases or Ima be disappoint.

Roberts would hold that the error is subject to harmless error review; this is, of course, an invocation of the Rule of Fuck That Guy.

Thomas calls out a specific precedent that allows a judge to find the fact of a prior conviction without requiring it to be presented to a jury; he would blow that case up. I am a little surprised, but hey, any opportunity to overturn a precedent.

Kavanaugh would hold that if a judge can find the fact of a previous conviction, they can also find the fact of same-or-different occasions. Part III is about harmless error, so that's where Jackson would disagree.

Jackson has the longest goddamn opinion at 29 pages. What the fuck is she on about?

OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE THINKS APPRENDI WAS WRONGLY DECIDED. That's it, the bloom is off the rose of this fucking relationship. What the hell, Jackson. Am disappoint.

Smith v. Arizona, expert testimony, confrontation clause

Smith had a shitton of something that was probably drugs. The lab analyzed them and said, yeah, this is a shitton of drugs. BUT the technician who did the tests left the lab and so wasn't available to testify. So the lab sent somebody to read her reports and offer "independent opinion" about the tests.

The Court previously said: a) The confrontation clause means that the defense has to be able to cross-examine the analysts who do tests (Melendez-Diaz) b) the confrontation clause means that you can't just substitute another analyst (Bullcoming) c) if you bring on another analyst to quote the analysis and then offer an "independent opinion" then flibberty flop wheep whop banana peel Gros-Michel hinkaboo (Williams)

That is, the Court's opinion in Williams was fractured. It mostly held that quoting the analysis was testimonial implicating the confrontation clause but it also held that Rule of Fuck That Guy, Williams loses on other grounds.

So THIS case gives them a fair chance to redo the Williams case, and this time, it's not gibberish.

(Note to self: See if you can find if you reviewed the Williams case when it happened. How consistent am I?)

Anyway, yes, quoting the analysis is factual and implicates the Confrontation Clause.

Kagan for the other 2 libs plus Kavanaugh and Barrett in total and Thomas and Gorsuch for I, II, and IV. Thomas and Gorsuch both have separate concurrences. Alito concurs in the judgement with Roberts. So this still pretty fractured but there's a clear majority for the result and unanimous for the outcome; Smith wins.

Thomas skips section III for essentially weird Thomas reasons (he'd limit "testimonial" to only that which was historically testimonial, like an affidavit). Gorsuch also disagrees with III's guidance on whether the reports were "testimonial" -- there are certain magic words in use here, like "testimonial" and "offered for truth" and so on, and they don't have any rational definition, they're magic words, so don't sweat it if you don't see the difference -- so he writes some of his own gibberish. If you're keeping track, that's three separate opinions about evaluating "testimonial", so it's fractured.

Alito's concurring in the judgment starts by calling the Court's main opinion extremely stupid ("a needless, unwarranted, and crippling wound"). He agrees with the Court's result largely by looking through all the way down to the analyst's actual testimony and agreeing that it was (essentially) hearsay and therefore inadmissible.

Finally

United States v. Rahimi, gun rights

Rahimi is a shithead who beats his loved ones (he has a domestic violence restraining order). Under federal law, he can't have a bang-bang on the reasonable grounds that assholes who beat their intimate partners who have bang-bangs regularly end up bang-banging their intimate partners to death. But people who worship at the altar of the bang-bangs think that nobody should ever not have a bang-bang, so lawsuit.

PROFANE AGGRAVATION, I'm tired of the gun worshippers. I'd like people to stop getting fucking shot to death, please.

This case was complicated by the Supreme Court's extremely stupid decision in Bruen (by fucking Thomas) that gun control laws must have exact analogues in early US history. Please go read actual stories about how stupid that decision was and how much shit the lower courts have had to deal with in its aftermath.

That is, since there wasn't any such thing as "domestic violence" in the early US, there's no such thing as a law that an asshole like that can't have a gun. Under Bruen, Rahimi has to get his bang-bang.

So the Court takes the ball away from Thomas and says, we're not fucking assholes, everybody stop being such stupid idiots, "when an individual has been found by a court to pose a credible threat to the physical safety of another, that individual may be temporarily disarmed consistent with the Second Amendment".

Bruen is rewritten to require "historical analogue" rather than "historical twin" for gun regulation.

Roberts for 8; Sotomayor for Kagan concurrence; Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, Barrett, and Jackson individual concurrences; SO UNIQUE YOU GUYS dissenting.

Hey, Thomas: Fuck you. F U C K Y O U. And your motor home, I hope you shoot a hole in the fuel tank and it burns to a shell.

Anyway, Roberts does a credible institutional job of pretending that he's not backing the hell away from Bruen as hard as he can while still ignoring all of Bruen's functional parts.

Sotomayor hits the nail right on the head: "the Court’s interpretation [of Bruen] permits a historical inquiry calibrated to reveal something useful and transferable to the present day, while the dissent would make the historical inquiry so exacting as to be useless."

Gorsuch defends Bruen as doctrinaire originalism, and Rahimi's case fails not because he's wrong but because it was a "facial" challenge (no possible constitutional use) rather than an "as-applied" challenge (unconstitutional as applied to the plaintiff). He ain't redeemed, he's still an originalist stooge.

Kavanaugh writes a 24-page law journal article "to review the proper roles of text, history, and precedent in constitutional interpretation". Yeah, it doesn't count if the only journal that'll publish you is the one you control, tool.

Barrett spends five pages making a subtler point clearer than K does in 24, discussing originalism and balancing generalization and specificity.

Jackson points out that lower courts' problem applying Bruen is the Supreme Court's problem for making such a decision, not the lower courts' problem.

Thomas would apply Bruen with fidelity, requiring an identical regulation to be valid. No one agrees with him here and they're all asking themselves why they let him take Bruen in the first place.

[blametheeditor]

A New Year

Run Down: To continue the tradition, a special New Year drabble to kick off 2024, curtesy of Scott

Content Warnings: Cursing, mentions of death, mentions of treating people as lesser than, mentions of fireworks and the fear of fireworks

Happy New Year!

_______________

Scott wanted to see the new year countdown. 

At first, the thought made him jolt, admittedly startled by it. Because he hadn’t wanted to ‘do’ anything for years. He didn’t think too much of it, though. Easily brushed it aside to forget about it. 

Yet it appeared again about a week later. At least this time it wasn’t as random and because he heard someone talking about new year resolutions, but it still made him jump again. Wary of it. 

Yes, he knows he’s paranoid. Just because he has a desire doesn’t mean Afton knows he does. Or anyone for that matter. And this wasn’t something that would automatically warrant punishment. 

...actually, what was he afraid of?

If he was being honest with himself, Afton wouldn’t care. Having Scott stay up until midnight doing reports wasn’t uncommon, not in the slightest. Nor was giving him a task that required going to the restaurants early in the morning despite giving such an assignment the night prior. Therefore if Scott did stay awake, he’d only really be hurting himself. So being worried about what Afton would say or do is out of the question. 

Maybe it’s because of the fact he lives near a giant neighborhood. That’s certainly a reason to not step foot out of his house until every firework has gone off. He can’t light his own in the street, because that would need to be done after the sun set, and give plenty of time for a fountain the size of his house to be lit much too close. Risking his hearing and his sanity. 

But even then, there are parks holding events that are meant to be human and giant friendly. Honestly it pissed Scott off that there are fireworks that can be lit that are giant-sized but extremely human friendly. As in won’t make them go deaf. Not to mention numerous spots for giants to go to light the ones that aren’t. 

That would mean he has to go somewhere, however. Still risk his hearing if he gets back home and some teenager is still going through a mountain of screamers despite it being an hour after midnight. Sit on a patch of grass to watch a large clock slowly tick the seconds down while a giant could easily step beside him and possibly never know he was there in the first place. Watch the firework show that could take who knows how long and still make him wince from the noise because they’ll always boom because that’s just what they do. 

It’d be a hassle, and he’d be alone, and what is there to- 

Well, Scott figured out why he was fighting it. 

So he thoroughly crumpled up the idea before burning it to ashes inside of his mind. Not wanting to think about how, no matter what year it is, he’ll always be right where he was the previous one. Nothing was ever going to change. Why would that be something he celebrates. 

Of course, he forgot about what was different this year. The one they’re still in for a few more days. One that is quite dramatic in reminding him as a shoe steps directly in front of him. 

“Hey, Phone Guy.” 

Scott tilts his head back in order to meet Mike’s smirk tens of feet above him. One he could never find in himself to truly be afraid of despite being unable to stand the thought of being inside a giant’s hand. 

He whacks at the shoe to say hello. “Are you being kept a little longer to cover for the day guard?” 

“No, my ass was waiting for yours,” Mike begins. The giant then kneels down, Scott being treated with the feeling of the sky falling as he takes a few respectful steps back. “Jerber wants to fuck shit up on New Years. Want to goddamn join?” 

If it had been anyone else, Scott would’ve declined. Either assuming it was a prank or knowing something would happen, but this is Mike. The one guard who looked for him in the back rooms. Who appreciated his Godawful tapes rather than despising him for them. 

But while Mike would have no ill-intent, nor Jeremy for that matter, he’s guaranteed not the only one being invited. “Who else is joining?” 

The giant shrugs. “We’re asking every asshole and using Jerber’s puppy eyes to get the bastards to come. But you can fucking stay with me, Phone Guy.” 

He can trust that promise. And this is one of the few giants he trusts with his life. And...maybe he should go to watch the countdown. 

“Count me in.” 

“Hell yeah. Meet us here two goddamn hours before shit explodes.” 

Scott smiles as he shakes his head fondly. Watches the giant stretch back into the air before making his way out the door to head home. Leaving the older man feeling like he made the wrong choice. Because there’s no telling what could happen. 

But he doesn’t text Jeremy plans had changed. Doesn’t think about how he deliberately dressed in warm clothes for the first time that winter as he walks to Freddy Fazbear’s. 

Feels himself tense up when he sees David of all people walking toward the restaurant. Becomes a little less tense when he spots a certain redheaded figure clinging to the top of the business man’s suit pocket. 

“Hi, Scott!” Fritz waves. 

David raises an eyebrow as he searches the ground, eyes widening when he finally spots Scott. “Well look who William finally allowed to have a night off.” 

Surprisingly, the dab doesn’t upset him. Maybe it’s because he’s gotten used to it over the several months since David had been hired. Maybe it’s because Eggs suddenly flings himself at the older man, almost making both of them fall to the ground. 

“Scott, you made it!” The blond then shoots a sneer up at David. “That’s a hundred bucks, Harrison!” 

“I’ll hand it over later.” 

“Sore loser.” 

“Did Eggs win a bet over Scott joining us?” James asks before Scott can snap at both of them. Instead he’s forced to look up over his shoulder at the doctor looking thoroughly amused. 

“Do not encourage them.” 

“I would’ve bet with him, but he didn’t want to share the winning pot.” 

This was a terrible idea. Watching the countdown with Mike and Jeremy is one thing, but having all of the guards join? Especially when James tends to match Eggs’ energy when there isn’t an emergency? David automatically assuming he wouldn’t be joining? 

Scott feels the heat before he sees the hand, but it’s unmistakable. He can’t scream, though, the sound lodged in his throat. He’s too panicked to realize Eggs isn’t with him, set on struggling so he’s let go. 

“Hey, Phone Guy.” 

Just like that he goes limp at Mike’s voice being the one that rumbles through his very core. He’s still terrified wants to tell the younger man to let him go, but he’s no longer fighting for his life. Stares up at blue eyes and a genuine smile. 

“Sorry, asshole, don’t know how to fucking get you up to my shoulder.” 

Scott doesn’t protest as the hand does exactly that, moving toward the giant and where Jeremy sits huddled against the man’s neck, the stuttering guard extending his arms out as fingers carefully maneuver until they’re in place. 

Before the hand can fully retreat, he whacks at the nearest finger as hard as he can, hissing when the giant’s body heat burns his skin without any barrier. “Michael!” 

“I’m sorry, asshole move.” 

“Sc-Sc-Scott,” Jeremy murmurs before he can continue on giving the giant a piece of his mind, forcing him to focus on the kid watching him with worry. “You’re c-c-c-cold.” 

He doesn’t correct the reason on why he’s trembling, not wanting anyone to know just how genuinely terrified he was at being grabbed. Didn’t want them to know his ‘look don’t touch’ rule is due to much more than just demanding respect. 

“I’ll, uh, w-warm up soon,” is all he can say as he moves closer to Jeremy. Needing to ground himself. A bit overwhelmed by the heat surrounding him all because he’s sitting on Mike’s shoulder. 

Scott freezes when he realizes everyone’s watching him, forcing a glare until Mike turns so he can’t see them anymore, cursing under his breath when he feels the footsteps jostling him. “Let’s go, assholes!” 

“Hang on!” David exclaims as he quickly matches Mike’s pace, Scott moving closer to Jeremy as the taller giant looks down at them. “You let the Fucked Up Night Guard pick you up?” 

“No,” Scott immediately responds. “That was the first time he pulled something like that. And the last.” 

“It’s not a right of passage?” James pipes up from what sounds like Mike’s right side. 

“I thought it was,” Eggs agrees. 

“It is not a right of passage!” 

Scott doesn’t care if he sounds or looks like a toddler having a tantrum as he refuses to look anywhere but ahead. Arms crossed and mouth sealed. He will not have them thinking being able to pick him up is some perk that you get once you’ve worked under Afton long enough. 

He does glance up at Mike when the shoulder deliberately shrugs, leaving him falling into Jeremy as the kid squeaks as he falls against the giant’s neck. “Sorry, Phone Guy. That was fucked up, I should’ve asked.” 

Scott hesitates before sighing. “I forgive you, Michael.” 

“So if I-?” 

“No.” 

There’s no more discussion on the subject of picking him up thank God, but despite the rocky beginning to the night, it’s...nice. Listening to the others bicker. Eggs demanding David starts carrying human sized cash around. David shooting back Eggs can’t carry around giant sized cash so why should he. The blond nearly getting swiped off James’ shoulder at the comment the business man rarely wins a bet. 

Scott notices Jeremy somehow managed to fall asleep when he jolts awake at Mike announcing ‘we’re here’. 

‘Here’ is a park that’s not nearly as busy as he thought. With a cheap clock what hadn’t seen the light of day for an entire year ticking down where it was assembled at the top of a hill. Distinct sections made for giants and humans to ensure no one would get hurt even with the light poles barely being able to combat against the dark. 

“Fritz, I will never forgive you for dragging me here.” 

“Dude, can we roll down the hill!” 

David sighs long and hard as Fritz immediately perks up from Eggs’ suggestion. But then Scott’s turned to. “Well, what’s the plan?” 

It was Mike and Jeremy who invited everyone, but they remain silent when it becomes clear he has the final say. Even James moves so he can hear the eldest, Eggs looking like he’ll jump off the doctor’s shoulder at any second. 

“Mike, what’s a good spot?” 

The giant immediately makes his way over to a vacant table bolted into the ground near the base of the hill. It takes Scott a moment to notice the grass is incredibly short around it despite being meant for giants, meaning no human was going to get lost in it. And the table itself is one solid piece, no large spaces capable of falling through. 

David only glares at it before sitting down, scooping Fritz out of his pocket in order to free the redhead into the grass unable to swallow him whole. “I expect you to not die by Eggs’ stupidity.” 

“Bold of you to assume he hasn’t already,” Eggs taunts as James helps him to the ground. 

“Don’t worry, Scott,” the doctor grins. “I’ll keep an eye on them.” 

That did make him feel better. Even though they are fairly safe here. Scott never visited the hybrid park previous to tonight, but with a light pole shining directly overhead and this clearly having been built and maintained for both sizes, he wouldn’t have required a giant’s supervision. 

He does eye Mike’s offered hand with suspicion as it waits palm up next to his occupied shoulder. Jeremy doesn’t hesitate to carefully stand up from where he was huddled, slowly climbing into the hand before looking up at Scott. “Are y-you coming?” 

“Don’t move, Michael.” 

The giant hums in agreement. Scott sighs before slowly stepping down beside Jeremy. Clenches his fists tightly as vertigo makes his stomach drop as they’re lowered onto the table. He couldn’t get off fast enough, panting slightly at the fear from such a sensation throwing him back to a life he only remembered glimpses of. 

Bristles when he sees David watching him. “What?” 

“You’re one of the strangest humans I have met,” the business man comments. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Scott grumbles. 

That earns him a shrug. “I wouldn’t, but you’re all dumbasses, so I should’ve expected it.” 

“So why the fuck do fireworks explode and shit?” 

“The one time you ask a good question.” 

Scott jumps as Jeremy suddenly latches onto him, looking down at the kid in concern as he shivers violently. “How do you survive, Jeremy?” 

“D-D-D-Don't kn-know.” 

It’s the one time he allows Mike to wrap a hand around him in order to help keep the cold night air away. It’s still suffocating, and Scott has to move a little so he’s not pressed against the burning skin, layers of protection unable to be foolproof. But Jeremy finally warms up enough that the shivers die down. Squeaks when Eggs and Fritz suddenly appear in order to join them. 

“Do not roll down a hill at night. Grass is covered in dew.” 

“We could’ve told you that.” 

“Well James didn’t warn us!” 

Said doctor only gives a knowing smile. “You have three giants-” 

“Like I’m helping them.” 

“-two giants who would be willing to help you dry off and stay warm afterwards.” 

Isn’t that a weird thought. One Scott can’t shake at the idea of a giant being an alley instead of an obstacle. He used to rely on Vincent, used to be overjoyed by the fact a towering being was by his side, but that was years ago. 

And it was something he would never get back. A life that is long gone. 

...yet here he is, huddled with three other humans absorbing the heat of a giant who hasn’t once poked at them or swept them up without warning. Content to just act as a barrier between the cold wind and any other giant who would grab them without warning. Not in any way alone as he watches the seconds slowly tick down from 3, 2, 1. 

Scott braces himself as the first firework appears in the sky, holding his breath as the line of smoke disappears before exploding. 

...it sounded like a human sized firework. 

He looks up in the sky. Stares at the colorful display much too big for him to fully comprehend. A picture he can’t see all of at once. Clearly made for giants, but it didn’t make the very ground shake or his ears burst. 

He realizes his hand holding Fritz’s might’ve been a bit too tight, his knuckles white. But the minute he slowly lets go to ensure he doesn’t cut off the poor redhead’s circulation, his hand is gripped tighter. “D-Don’t let go. Please.” 

Scott pulls the teenager into a full hug as Eggs and Jeremy huddle in closer. And with each boom he relaxes more and more that the world won’t shatter around him. For the first time in about twenty years able to just enjoy the spectacle. Not needing to huddle under ten blankets at home as he wore earplugs and praying it’s enough. 

“I might prefer these better,” David murmurs, sounding like he’s upset to admit it. 

“It’d certainly keep the ER from overflowing if these were more commonplace,” James agrees. 

For Scott, it means he doesn’t start the year absolutely terrified. That instead of thinking the next day will never come, he’s enjoying the midnight sky lighting up with reds, and oranges, and purples. For once not despising something that’s meant to celebrate another year gone, and another one about to begin. 

He almost feels ready for what’s going to come next. 

“S-S-Sounds l-l-like a good start for a new y-y-y-year,” Jeremy whispers. 

...it does, doesn’t it?

[youcouldmakealife]

Books of 2023

I missed a year, but I’m back with my books of the year. This year there was a pretty big dip in reading from me (75% of my reading in 2022, and only 60% compared to 2021), partly because, well, eye recovery, but also, you know. Life.

I’m just going to do a top 10 this year — unfortunately I hit a bit of a slump in how many standouts I read as well as how much I read, but I do heartily recommend everything in that top 10. They’re in no real order, except for the first, which is a cheat in the form of a series.

The Thursday Murder Club, Richard Osman

So this is a weird thing where I rated the first 3 stars, but figured it was good enough to read the second, which got 4 stars, as did the third. Finally the fourth, which was my only 5 star novel of the year, and made me weep like a baby. So if you read the first and didn’t bother with the rest — this gets so much better as it goes.

The Trees - Percival Everett

This is actually the first book I finished in 2023, and it set a tone that the rest of the year sadly did not match. I mean, other than the tone of the book, which is razor sharp, over the top satire, which this year did, in fact, live up to. I just discovered Everett in 2022 with Telephone, which I also enjoyed, and am looking forward to going through his many works.

Time Shelter - Georgi Gospodinov

Really enjoyable literary fiction that reminds me of a lot of my favourite works to come out of Eastern Europe in the 70s and 80s.

How to Survive History: How to Outrun a Tyrannosaurus, Escape Pompeii, Get Off the Titanic, and Survive the Rest of History's Deadliest Catastrophes - Cody Cassidy

This is the kind of highly specific and irrelevant barring time travel information I need (not sarcasm).

Middlemarch - George Eliot

It took me like 5 months to read this monster and I enjoyed every minute of it. Eliot is so fucking good at characterisation. Absolute masterpiece of a book. Only thing that kept it from being 5 stars was, well, see; five months.

Doppelganger: a Trip into the Mirror World - Naomi Klein.

As surreal as it is fascinating.

Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin

A reread. Still absolutely devastating. Still has some of the sharpest lines I’ve ever read.

Ultra-Processed People - Chris Van Tulleken

Should have changed my eating habits. Did not change my eating habits.

Strong Female Character - Fern Brady

Not much of a memoir gal, but this was an exception.

Gentle Writing Advice - Chuck Wendig

My favourite book of writing advice from a horror author. Genuinely a lot of shit that I needed to hear.

Speaking of advice, I read a whack ton of self-help adjacent books for various reasons this year, and these are a few standouts:

How to Keep House While Drowning, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control, Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, Unbroken: The Trauma Response is Never Wrong.

[riddikulus-writings]

Born To Run

Bosara; 9ABY

DAY 2124; Late Afternoon

You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place ~~ Miriam Adeney

At one point, many years ago, Cal was looking for a home where a home would no longer have been.

The Order. His teacher. Everyone he lost that day as a child

Maybe it's time for you to be something more than a lightsaber. Think about yourself! Settle down, find a home!

Home. 

Home.

Home isn’t… Cal sighed, continuing his journey pushing through the jungle. Through the fog. The thick fog. It stuck to his clothing like sap, almost seeming to weigh him down as much as his own thoughts were.

You gotta know when to walk away from a rigged game. Otherwise you are gonna end up losing something you can never replace.

He already has. On so many levels. So many different situations that could have – should have – gone differently. Out of all the people Cal has risked getting close to and treating like family, of course Greeze and all his unwanted wisdom was the one who somehow managed to survive Cal’s string of bad luck. Cal shook his head, his hair getting caught in a wayward branch, “Oh, ow! Ow!”

BD helped free him, and Cal nodded his thanks, “Thanks, buddy. And thanks for helping me land the Mantis.” [BD, actually, did most of the landing], “This fog is ridiculous.”

Two years after he and Naya had gone their separate ways, and one more year of sulking around Koboh and bringing down the mood at Greeze’s saloon, Cal finally took Greeze’s advice and started looking for a place to settle down. That’s how he started after the trail of the Rebellion. It had taken another two years before finally catching the specific lead he wanted, about a smaller base littered with Jedi, hidden in the belly of Bosara, an Outer Rim planet with twenty total, but fifteen toxic, moons.

And now here he was, in the thick of things, hoping he wasn’t being hunted by some of the poisonous fauna that lurked behind the trees.

He hoped this was the right base. If it wasn’t at least they could point him in the right direction.

Bosara itself is mostly dense jungle. The air is so humid that the result is a thick overlay of fog that screws up all comm and nav systems to the point that most ships crash when trying to find a place to land. What isn’t jungle is deep ocean, teeming with wildlife that’s probably even worse than what roams the jungles.

Even the Empire doesn’t want to venture to this planet, and how the Rebellion made a home here is beyond Cal’s knowledge. If it hadn't been for BD, he would’ve crashed the Mantis straight into an ocean. Also thanks to BD, they were able to sort of get a hold of the base to let them know he wasn't hostile and to not send anyone out to shoot him on sight. 

After what felt like hours of trudging through vines that gripped his ankles a little too tight, Cal finally pushed through into a man-made clearing. He ended up on the end of the base that the tarmac sat at, littered with ships and people running amuck like scraprats running from a hungry Kovedlik.

Shit.

He’d wandered in during the middle of a fucking pilot scramble.

As he got closer, he heard the alarm. Finally took note of the flashing red alarm lights. Felt the presence of at least four other Force-Sensitive people. He weaved between pilots, techs and ships, absolutely no one taking notice of him coming straight out the jungle and inviting himself into the hangar. Inside was even worse, more mechanics and techs shouting last minute demands to one another before take off. Cal wondered if they could even hear each other, or just knew what needed to be done. 

He didn’t see anyone he immediately recognized. A couple wayward Twi’lek children collided with Cal’s legs and sent him teetering. He spun, regained his balance, and found a group of three more children tucked in the corner, whacking wildly at each other with sticks. Two of them were very Force Sensitive, drawing him over to their corner like a moth to a candlestick.

Getting closer, he noticed that they were pretending to fight, the two boys versus the girl. They were making lightsaber noises as they swung at each other and he smiled to himself as he stepped up behind the girl, stalling the two boys in their steps, “This hardly seems like a fair fight.”

The girl jumped away, joining the boys as she brandished her stick at Cal, “Who goes there?”

He knelt down, hands raised, “A friend! I’m Cal, this is BD-1.”

She took it as a good enough answer and lowered her weapon, “It wasn’t a fair fight ‘cuz I was winnin’.”

The older of the two boys scoffed from behind her, “Was not, Ed.”

“Quiet Bash,” she huffed, scowling at him, “You’re just mad I’m better-er than you. And you’re cheating ‘cuz you have Charles.”

“He’s a terrible fighter,” ‘Bash’ defended, “He doesn’t count. Plus momma wanted me to bring him with me, that’s not my fault.”

“And my momma probably sent you to watch me,” Cal was trying so hard not to start laughing at their little altercation. ‘Ed’ was so indignant it was almost comical, “I only tried sneakin’ away like three times.”

“Scrambles are your favorite time to sneak into a ship,” the third child, Charles, finally found his quiet voice, “Momma doesn’t like that.”

Ed and Charles must be siblings? Charles and Bash looked more closely related than Charles and Ed did.

Ed stuck her tongue out at them both, “I want an adventure. You two are boring.”

Finally, Cal spoke up, trying his best to not show that he was amused by their bickering, “How about you take me on an adventure to a grown-up?” he offered.

The three of them whirred to face him, again, having apparently totally forgotten he was knelt on the concrete beside them. Bash beamed, “I will! I will! I’m the oldest, so I should lead!”

Ed whacked him across the gut with her stick, “No, Sebastian,” her tone was almost a sneer, “I’m gonna take him cuz you two are boring!” she turned to face Cal, grinning at him with a big smile that was missing several teeth. Some of her hair was hanging over her eyes, “Let’s go Mister!”

And then she took off through the set of double doors to the left.

Cal sat with the two boys for a little, yet, trusting but not trusting at the same time that the base was safe for a young kid to be running around in, unaccompanied, “Nice lightsabers you two have.”

The smaller one, Charles, absolutely lit up, “I’m gonna have my own one day! Momma said so. And so did Auntie.”

Cal smiled at his excitement and reached to his hip for his own saber, “Make sure you take good care of it when you do,” he offered his dual-hilt to the kids, holding it in his open palm, “How you take care of it speaks a lot about how you are as a warrior, Charles.”

Charles gasped, “How did you know my name?!”

Cal blinked at him before giving a small laugh, “I’m a Jedi. I know things.” He replaced his hilt to his hip and stood, leaving the boys in silent awe as he went to go find Ed.

He found her sitting against the wall in the hallway, cross-legged with her stick across her lap. People moved around her as they speed-walked to wherever they were going, “Ed.”

Her eyes popped open and she sprang to her feet, “Mister!”

“You can call me Cal,” he told her as he followed her through the throng of people, “And you’re Ed…?”

“Edira Enyo!” she echoed happily, but her smile fell into a concentrated scowl, “Momma only calls me that when she’s upset at me.”

“Do you get called that a lot?”

The grin was back in full force. More of her long, light auburn hair hung over her face as she craned her neck to look up at Cal, “Every day!”

Cal laughed out loud.

Edira ran into the legs of a passing person. The woman caught Edira and quietly chastised her for not being more careful. She offered Cal a warm but confused smile before hurrying off. Edira huffed and gripped her fake lightsaber tighter, holding it in a… really professional looking two-handed grip before marching on, “I’m a Jedi! I don’t need to be careful.”

He stepped up closer, bending at the waist as they moved so he could speak in her ear, “I’m A Jedi and I’m careful. You should be, too. All Jedi are careful.”

“Not everyone!” she countered, but not before Cal saw the surprise in her wide eyes, “Momma said she knows a couple Jedi who are terrible at being careful.”

Cal was so focused on how her eyes were a really dark blue, but her irises rimmed in bright green, that he didn’t see they were coming up to a wall, and he walked head-first straight into it. [Apparently, he wasn’t as careful as he’d been telling himself.] When he stood, rubbing the top of his head, he silently cursed BD for not warning him about the hallway intersection.

BD bwoop’d an unconvincing apology.

Edira was bursting with high-pitched laughter, and honestly, Cal would gladly run into another wall if she’d keep giggling like that. It’s been a while since he’s heard genuine laughter.

It made him happy.

To the left was more hallway and to his right it looked like the doors to another hangar, the small windows to the doors not giving much away. The hangar seemed smaller, less ships than the other one he’d found, but a lot of people were still running about like they were directionless. Edira’s giggling cut off, and her stick fell to the floor, “Momma!”

She pushed through the doors and disappeared into the crowd, weaving between people’s legs as she went after her mom. Cal bent to pick up her fallen weapon and stepped to stand just inside the doorway; he figured that mom was the adult Edira was taking him to, and that they’d return to him whenever.

Not many people were giving him looks, though, which he found odd. How often did they get new people on base?

Although, not many people looked like they had the time to look for a new face.

BD chirped from Cal’s shoulder, and Cal shrugged, “I don’t know, buddy. These guys are almost too welcoming.” it was a weird notion, to be welcomed into a new place without incident or issue.

He didn’t have time to dwell on it, because the crowd of people in the shop began thinning out as people piled into their respective ships. He found Edira again, in the arms of her mom, standing towards the south wall with a woman who was also fawning over whatever Edira was saying. Her and her mom were looking at each other, but Edira was pointing towards the doorway where he still stood, frozen to the floor.

Anaya Kesikki-Kenobi was grinning at how animated her daughter was, nodding and agreeing to whatever tales she was rattling on about. After what felt like forever, of time standing still, Anaya finally followed the direction of Edira’s little arm to see who she was pointing at, and Cal watched as several different emotions slowly melted over her.

Bliss.

Confusion.

Recognition.

Confusion.

Relief.

And then an ear-to-ear grin slowly spread over her lips. She whispered something to Edira and set her back on her own feet before sending her off. Anaya stood, and Cal could see and feel from across the room that she was close to crying. He felt like a fist was clenched around his heart, squeezing until his breath caught somewhere in his ribs. The anticipation was almost palpable, even with the excitement of the pilot scramble. He wanted to… do something. Move, run. Go scoop her into his arms and say I’m here, I’m here, I’m staying. Anaya looked the same as when he last saw her; worn tac-pants and boots. Ripped-sleeve duraweave shirt under a tac-vest. Her saber hung at her hip, a blaster holstered at her other. Her left arm was wrapped in gauze.

It made worry stab at his gut.

Someone bumped into Cal, “Oh, sorry! Didn’t see you there.”

He pried his attention from Anaya to focus on the Kel Dor who bumped him, “No, that’s my fault for standing in the doorway like this. I’m–”

“Cal!”

Something slammed into Cal’s chest; reflex made him wrap his arms around whatever it was as he staggered on his feet. The scent of caf and roses filled his nose and he suddenly felt at home. Cal ignored the Kel Dor [she was walking away, anyway, shaking her head in amusement]. Cal ignored everything and everyone else around them as Anaya squeezed his chest so hard his ribs bent.

And–

He hugged her back.

Cal slowly slid and tightened his arms around her, squeezing her against him, as hard as Anaya was to him. He lifted her off her feet and spun, reveling in the feeling of holding her. Having her back. He was being selfish, he knows, he knows. He never really had her to begin with but there was just something about her that felt–

Easy.

Relaxed.

Familiar.

She’s easy to be around. She’s familiar in the sense that, despite being a child younger than Cal during the time, she was at the Temple, she survived the Purge. She was on Bracca more or less with him, and they ended up on Frisal together more than twenty years later. It’s like the galaxy was purposely trying to wedge them together. No matter what she continues to be laid back and selfless, almost always laughing in the face of danger. Ridiculously smart and obnoxiously caring. Fuck, he spent twenty minutes trying to chase her down and kill her and then she let him into her home, no questions asked, after he’d said he knew her family.

He chuckled at the memory and stuck his nose in her hair. She shook him off and looked up at him, “What’s so funny, Cal?”

The whistling of X-Wings taking off made her flinch, but she still didn’t move her eyes from him.

“Nothin’.” he grasped her shoulders, held her at arm’s length, just needing to look at her. She looked the same, but… older. More experienced. Her blue eyes were still sharp, and held more reverence when looking him up and down. There was a tone of apprehension in her body posture, like she didn’t know which way to move; towards him, or towards the pilots she most likely needed to help direct. Before he could ask about it, she launched herself into him and pressed her lips to his.

Cal melted. His whole body relaxed, pulling her into him so he could revel in the way her lips felt. He missed this, how well they seemed to fit together. She kept the kiss painfully slow, their noses brushing. Lingering kisses, peppering each other with–

Cal pulled back, noticing how she chased after him with a lopsided smile. “Naya,” he whispered, his voice warm, “I missed you.” BD whistled and Cal sighed, “We missed you.”

She fell into him, resting her head on his collarbone, “I missed you guys.” she echoed, “BD, VD is outside helping a friend with an X-Wing if you want to go find him.”

BD nodded at Cal and hopped down to the floor, leaving Cal and Anaya wrapped up in each other.

They stood in the corner like that, resting on one another. Cal nodded at passing people, giving them what felt like an awkward, closed-lipped smile. Not one of them appeared to care that they were in the way. Some – most, actually, were smiling back at him with wide grins.

Like they were happy for them.

“It’s about time she stopped moping around.” was a happy whisper from a passing woman, grease smudged up her nose, whitening her smile in comparison. Cal smiled wide at her and pressed his lips to the top of Anaya’s head, “Hey.” she hummed at him. You have my attention. What do you want? “Catch me up, Kesikki. What’s new?”

She tensed beneath his hold, and stayed quiet before clearing her throat, “Take a walk with me?”

“Anywhere.”

She grasped his hand tightly in hers, as if she was scared he’d disappear again, and tugged him away. She led him around corner after corner, weaving through passing people. She beamed at them, radiating happiness. A few more commented that they haven’t seen her that happy in a long time. All she’d do was let out a loud laugh, deep from her belly, and then whomever mentioned her contagious happiness turned their passing gaze on Cal.

Her aura was lit up like celebration lights, all sorts of a multitude of colours, but there was still a lingering… darkness there. It had been there on Frisal, too, momentarily flared when he’d first encountered her, and she retaliated with her saber.

But now it stays, hidden under the surface. Marring the usual bright blue of her Force signature, and now also the rest of the colours flickering everywhere.

Cal ignored it.

Finally, she rounded to a back door and pushed outside to a small picnic area, “No one ever comes out here,” she told him, sitting her butt down on a bench for a whopping three seconds before springing to her feet, again, “The main room is through those windows right there,” she motioned towards a large set of tinted windows a few feet down from where they stood, “And, uh… Valena is probably in there. Or will be, soon… if– if you want to talk to her.”

He grabbed her hands and held them, stilling them from where she was beginning to pick at her fingernails, “What’s wrong, Naya?”

His own heart was hammering against his ribs. His heartbeat was loud in his ears, clashing with the sounds of the leaves rustling around them. She was worried about something and it was beginning to scare him, “I don’t know where to start, Cal.”

“Anywhere.” 

“I have a daughter.” she blurted it, and immediately looked… ashamed.

He nodded, and squeezed her hands, “She’s adorable. She reminds me a lot of you.”

Anaya was refusing to meet his eye, “Cal, um… I, uh… I don’t know…” how to say this.

“If you’ve met someone, I completely understand,” he told her gently. It broke him inside, far more than he’d care to admit. He was probably being terrible at hiding it at the moment, too.

“No, no, no,” she shook her head and freed one of her hands to bring it to his face, “No, Cal, never. She’s five years old, you know? Almost six, actually. Way too smart for her age, I think.”

“She gets that from you.”

“Cal.”

“And, really,” he began, again, “You don’t have to lie to me,” he leaned his head into her touch, the sunlight filtering through the treetops warming the other side of his face, “I’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Cal, Edira is five.”

“Yeah?”

“Cal! Edira is five years old.”

He blinked at Anaya for a few seconds, flinching when she swatted at his cheek with her palm. Almost like an admonishing slap,  “Why are you repeating that?” she pinned him with one of the famous Kesikki looks, and then it finally sunk in that he was supposed to stop and think for a second.

Anaya’s daughter is five.

His eyes widened, heart dropping into his stomach somewhere, his feet, really, with how much his insides were twisting, “Anaya…” she closed her eyes, scrunching them shut like she was preparing for the worst, “Anaya, are you saying that Edira is mine?!”

She flinched when his voice cracked, and her blue eyes finally opened to meet his, “Cal, I’m sorry, I didn’t know when we left Frisal.”

Obviously, neither of us could’ve, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Cal,” she reached up with her other hand to grip either side of his face, “Cal, we didn’t exactly exchange comlinks. You never said where you were going, and I never told you where I was going. Aidan figured it out first and I didn’t want to believe her but then I kept getting sick– I went to mom bawling, not knowing what to do. I felt so guilty for not being able to tell you but eventually just resigned to the fact that I might never get to tell you.”

“Anaya!” his voice was soft, but full of incredulousness.

“Cal, it would have never hurt you not to know,” her voice was just as quiet. She was avoiding eye contact, now, looking instead to the trees over Cal’s shoulder, “I was the one having to live with the fact you basically slipped through my fingers.”

“Anaya!” his heart was back in his chest, angrily thumping against his ribs. He couldn’t believe he didn’t see it. Edira’s freckles, the green in her eyes, the red tint to her hair–

“Don’t–” she sighed, sniffling quietly, looking back to him, “Cal, don’t. You had no idea, and I didn’t know how to find you. I couldn’t have even found you!”

“She’s five!”

Her fingers dug into his cheeks a bit, and she shook his head, “Cal, I know. Again, I had no way of contacting you, and I just accepted that.”

“That’s not fair,” his voice cracked, but either way he pulled her into him for the umpteenth time this afternoon. He knew it wasn’t fair, the galaxy wasn’t fair, but he understood that the circumstances couldn’t have played in his favor, “Where is she?”

“I sent her to go find Valena.” Anaya’s voice was muffled against his vest, “I’m surprised, with your head, that you didn’t know the second you spoke to her, but Cal, I’m sorry. You know I would’ve told you if I could’ve.”

He petted her hair, stroking his hand through it, “I know, Anaya. I’m just… I’m–.”

“Don’t worry, I was, too. I wasn’t mad, though. More mad that you weren’t here. You’d miss a bunch of stuff, like me being pregnant and bitchy towards everyone. Her first steps. Her first word was a curse word…” she gave him a quick, forced, sheepish smile, “Pregnancy was hard, but actually raising her hurt, emotionally, a lot more.” she was about to start crying. He could tell, but the way she pressed her face back into him was telltale enough.

“I’m sorry for that,” he rested his hand on the back of her head, letting it sit there, “I’m sorry I was too scared to come with you. Loss has become a part of me, I just… I didn’t know what to do when you faced me with the possibility of that changing.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Cal. Never again,” Anaya moved her head so she could look up at him, the sunlight catching her glossy eyes and making them glow, “Stay?”

“Remember Prauf?” he suddenly started, brushing some of her hair from her face. She nodded. Cal sighed, “The day he died – when I fucked up my cover, he’d told me I need to go out and find my place in the galaxy. I still… I feel like I found it. After all these years, I’ve been on the run, doing everything in my power to try to single handedly stop the Empire.”

“Did it work?”

He snorted, “You know damn well it didn’t. But, I think I helped.”

“You didn’t do it alone,” she told him to remind him that no matter how alone he’d always felt, there was always someone, somewhere else in the galaxy fighting the same fight he was.

“Don’t interrupt me,” he pressed a finger to her lips, fighting a smile, “I was on the run, not knowing where to plant my feet because no matter what, no matter where I went, I still had–”

“Survivor’s guilt.”

He nodded, and pulled her to sit on the bench with him, their knees knocking together, “Exactly. Everything I did, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I still feel like I’m not enough.”

“No, no, no,” Anaya slapped a hand over his mouth, “No, you have value. You are enough. You find your value, you learn and understand your value and you stand on it. No matter what, Kestis, understand?”

He nodded and nipped his teeth into her palm, chuckling when she yelped and pulled her hand away. He caught it and brought it back to his mouth to press a soft kiss to her knuckles. After a long pause of them just enjoying the others’ company, Cal finally whispered, “Are you okay?”

More tears welled in her eyes. Her lip trembled before breaking into an almost pathetic smile, “No, Cal. I can’t forgive myself for what I did to you.”

“Hey, hey,” he pressed his hands to her face, swiping her falling tears away with his thumbs, “You didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t bring on myself. I got you pregnant and then I left you. I left, and left you with no way of contacting me, that’s on me, not you.”

“Cal–”

“Anaya, if you don’t forgive yourself, tomorrow will still arrive, so you might as well forgive yourself.”

Her mouth snapped shut.

It was his turn to pin her with one of the famous Kesikki looks, however he was sure he didn’t do it justice, and eventually Anaya groaned and tipped into his shoulder, “Ugh, you sound just like my father.”

“Hey, Master Kenobi was wise beyond his years. You’d do well to heed his advice.”

“No, he was, and still is, a dumbass,” she corrected, then looked to the treetops, yelling to the skies, “You hear that, dad? You’re a dolt, and were as reckless as your wife. Terrible role model.” Anaya brought her smile back to Cal, but it faltered, “I’ll be needing to head in soon. There was a big attack at a small base of ours on a moon of Akiva. They need all the help they can get right now.”

“Akiva is Imperial.” Cal tensed, wondering why they picked a spot so close.

“We know,” she told him, “The closer you are to danger, the further you are from harm and all that. The point being, there’s going to be a lot of fuckery going on.”

“Worse than when your dad helped start a war?”

“He technically helped start two,” Anaya corrected quickly, “But, speaking of Kenobi’s wife, she’ll be wanting to see you.”

Cal raised his eyebrows at Anaya, “I’m wanting to see someone else, first, Kesikki. You can’t keep hiding her from me.”

“I can try.”

“Do or do not,” Cal stood up, offering his hand out, “There is no try.”

“Master Yoda was so… weird.” Anaya let Cal pull her to her feet, “And wrinkly. I heard through a really long-ass grapevine that someone, somewhere, found another one of Master Yoda’s kind. It’s fuckin’ Force Using, too, go figure.”

Force Using, “Who are Charles’ parents?”

“Aidan and Cassian.” Anaya found Cal over her shoulder, walking half-backwards, “Andor. Sebastian is theirs, too. They’re both little shits, and I know they don’t get that from their mother.” Anaya paused, bit into her lip, and sighed, “Okay, well, no. She’s a little shit, too, but I personally think Cassian is worse.”

Cal’s eyes were bugged. Cassian Andor is here? He’s only ever heard rumors of the guy, whispers about how big of a pain in the ass to the Empire he is. Cal’s mouth was suddenly watering; he wanted to hear more about that situation from Aldhani, and Ferrix and fucking Narkina V–  “And Charles is Force Sensitive?”

“Using, actually, and weirdly good at it,” Anaya corrected lightly, “He rivals Ed, and look at her fuckin’ bloodlines. Those two are going to be rivalrous little assholes, I can feel it.” Anaya stopped outside of a set of windows. There were a few people in the room; he could tell just from the back, just from the way she held herself, that one of them was Master Kesikki.

He hadn’t seen her since Bracca, when he was just seventeen years old and helping her learn to try to blend in and hide who she is as a whole. The middle of the night, once, she’d sought him out, cradling an old VD unit in her arms like a baby, and she’d obviously been crying.

“Teach me. Help me fix him.”

Cal has met a lot of people through his years, but the Kesikki’s are the only people he’s met that pack-bond with everything.

Master Kesikki suddenly stiffened in front of him, and Cal felt her signature shift into recognition with a stab of anger. She felt him there. But yet, didn’t turn around. Instead, she crouched down and beckoned all the kids in the room to her, whispering something to the group. She must have been teaching them something.

Anaya had her hand resting on the doorknob, watching Cal, “Ready?”

His already tense heart was hammering harder, now. He suddenly felt lightheaded, “Ready? Ready for what?!”

Anaya pulled open the door, “Enyo! Come here, I brought you your new friend back."

[tutuandscoot]

Some unwarranted/not asked for thoughts from worlds so far

In no particular order that shit cramps my style

• Loena is terrible. I’m sorry I want an underdog/non- skating dominate nation to win but not her. Not like this. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN GIRL. Learn how to dance if you are gonna spend the whole time whacking (fuck you pc look what you’ve done) her arms are a fucking mess, she had zero performance quality till the last 10 seconds, and not even based on this performance- her jumps in general are not great.

• YAYYYYYY KAORI

• isabeau my darling put some hairspray in your fringe and stop idolising the Russians

• Katia made me cry and will forever be under appreciated for her artistry fuck you isu

• these camera angles in general SUCKKKK

• I wanna be Deanna when I grow up

• still obsessed with her dress

• Why is the music so quiet I can barely hear it

• fuck you Romain (no reason)

•Hi Scootie Patootie 🥰

•I hate the RD theme, rules, everything. About it

• Love Christina’s dress

• Love that they did something not cheesy

• but unfortunately I just don’t think they will ever have star quality- they will never not be vanilla and as good as Scott is he can’t fix that

• dance is literally just Paris skating for people who can’t jump at this point

•so. Much .posing

• literally had to watch 2 hours of vm to undo what I just watched.

•fuck you romain (still don’t need a reason)

• FG gotta do something about that rash (I’m referring to their RD costumes)

• I refused to watch gilorier but then @macaroni-rascal said they were so fucking slow so I had to watch through my fingers and I still hate them and Christ if they ever win a world title I Will consider a life of crime and who the fuck let her out in 3/4 latex tights????

•fuck you nik - reasons (sorry LoLo but a shit result is what he deserves and you’re his partner /sticking by him so sorry I hope your last comp ever doesn’t not go well not bc of you but its a team sport 😕)

• in summary *Ron Swanson crying screaming “I hate *almost Everything”*

[eldritchsurveys]

1145.

Last Best and Final Survey by foxandforest

Is there anything that you continue to do despite always regretting it/paying for it later? Why won’t you give it up? >> there really isn't anything like that for me and I don't think anything that truly felt awful after doing would be something I continued doing. like, I just don't have the impulse to do things that feel that bad, even if the badness is delayed. this sounds great but unfortunately the aversion applies universally -- so it also applies to having to do things that feel bad the whole time but do have a payoff, like, you know, chores

What was the last “unpopular opinion” you saw that gave you a visceral oppositional reaction? >> this happens to me so regularly that I don't even mark the occasion anymore so I have no idea. like even if I agree with the opinion sometimes my mind will be like "well now I'm gonna argue for the opposite opinion" for no reason except pettiness lol

Do you feel the need to do and see a lot of different things in life—as in having as much of a full and varied life as possible? >> hmm. sometimes, but like... as a reaction to feeling activated. like, when my nervous system is out of whack it just reaches for every possible thing to show me how my life is Bad and Sad and Not Enough, and "you need to Do More" is low-hanging fruit in that regard. but I don't actually believe I need to do and see a bunch of stuff in order to feel fulfilled, I just think that at the moment, I'm not getting the things I do need to feel fulfilled I do enjoy interacting with a lot of different art/media, though, I feel like that enriches my life

What was the last thing you lost your fucking mind over—something so awful or stupid you couldn’t believe it? .

What are some books you’re interested in reading soon? >> eh, idk. the most recent book I added to my tbr is Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver

What’s an item of clothing you think your wardrobe lacks and would benefit from? >> that's a question I've been asking myself repeatedly especially after having done the wardrobe cleanout (finally). the fact of the matter is I have a hard time actually envisioning what kind of clothes I want (aside from fantastical ass shit that I'd either have to make myself or pay someone oodles of money to make), I just know I definitely do not have enough for my comfort

What is an old person, out-of-touch, things were better in my day, etc. thought you’ve had? >> I had that feeling when Sparrow was telling me about the state of youth literacy these days (good reminder, I meant to do some research about that because what the fuck is going on) (ok I looked it up and this article elaborates more on it while also reassuring me that there's been backlash at least)

What is the worst (i.e., lowest paying, poorly compensated based on intensity of work, etc.) way you’ve ever made money? >> begging the government for pennies so I can avoid starving or freezing to death

Do you have anything going on that could be your signature look, such as always having the same go-to hairstyle or lip color or anything? >> my battle vest is my signature, I think

What is something that you used to put a lot of effort into but not anymore? >> bios/about pages/that sort of thing on social media

If you have children, what are some things you want to make sure they experience or have the chance to experience if they desire? .

On a scale from 1 to 10 how much confidence do you have in your country’s government? When was the last time this number was different? >> I have no confidence in the US government and I don't recall ever feeling otherwise

What is something that a lot of people do that you don’t find the value in? >> a lot of social rituals feel like this for me, like I just don't see the benefit. I don't mean like small talk and shit, I mean like going out to bars and drinking a lot and then feeling like shit the next day but you do it because your friends wanted you to or whatever

Do you ever think about quitting taking surveys? What about just quitting taking them on LJ? >> nah. I mean, I think about it in the abstract, because I've been taking them for literally half my life and that sometimes strikes me as pretty wild, but I know if I haven't gotten bored with the practice by now I probably won't any time soon. I think it would be real neat to be still taking surveys in my 50s, 60s... like, I don't keep diaries well, but I do have these! they serve a similar purpose, I think -- sometimes even better than just open-ended journalling as far as quitting taking them on LJ specifically -- yeah, lol, I was thinkin about that last week in fact. mostly because I am on the fringes community-wise and generally don't get much interaction so there's no real benefit to posting in one place vs another, so I tend to come and go at whim I was gonna just go back to my survey tumblr but I think I'll do the secret third thing and post in both places. I have no actual reasoning for this decision except "fuck it, why not" which is the best reason to do anything

[iatrophilosophos]

Homeopathy is such an interesting strawman. So many people have Big opinions about it, to the point I've met people who 1) hate homeopathy 2) didn't know herbalism and homeopathy are not one in the same.

And like....yah homeopathic products exist but they're not particularly unique within the canon of predatory health-related-products (a category which, mind, contains just as many claims made by western medical doctors as it does crystals) and. Uh. Y'know. Being pretty steeped in the milieu of crunchy alt health, I don't know anyone who uses homeopathy. I know a small handful of people who use spiritual healing practices that are like, idk fairly similar? But this is a like, going to do ritual with plants and be healed by spirits kind of deal, not a buying products kind of deal (& I think maybe one person I know maybe like, does some sort of education or writing about this practice but is also like. 1) not selling anything 2) not in the business of telling anyone what they should do and definitely not about to recommend someone forego more practical options or higher care). This is not something I do personally and also I do not give half a shit if other ppl do it bc I'm not a paternalist asshole.

People absolutely buy homeopathic products and shit, but I mostly see this as indistinct from buying crystals or nootropics or VitalMale Vitamin Blend or coquette girl wine replacer mushroom powder whatever. Like there are people who get really into all of these but they're just products--just another brand of "fill the hole in your soul caused by civilization and/or make us rich off your desperation and anxiety caused by the dogshit state-sanctioned medical apparatus"

Idk I think probably people rail on homeopathy bc it's the most ~obviously bullshit~ but this doesn't really. Help anyone, bc homeopathy is spiritual/energetic medicine which means ur scientific critiques are gonna be irrelevant to anyone who's interested in it bc it's just not about science,* and painting homeopathy as The Big Bad kind of sets up this expectation that the problem with predatory health-related-products is a lack of science, which like....homie u can pull a study for literally anything and science is fucking whack and corrupt as shit sometimes.

...the point remains, as always, that hierarchical healing and medical authority/subservience Are Bad And Get People Hurt, switching around who should be in a position of authority (ur local gp, the CDC, fucking Alex Jones, some lady on tiktok etc) does nothing to reduce the vulnerability and harm baked into the frameworks of western medicine**, and, as always, the way to resist medical coercion and predation is to foster autonomy, critical thinking, and education in that order.

*if anyone's curious, I would say the correct argument here is "do you seriously fucking trust a for-profit company to sell a spiritual product and be remotely honest about any part of its production".

**which are culturally present in the healer-patient relationships of predatory alternative health, regardless of if the content of that exchange is based in western medicine

[daddywarbats]

binged the last of us while in ripshit levels of pain last night

big takeaways in no order:

i fucking Masshole laughed for three whole episodes at Just Massachusetts Things

I will absolutely goddamn giggle out a fungus among us while watching this, I will be fucking insufferable to watch this with, you’re all warned

you should never trust a midwestern white woman named Kathleen: she will be inherently full of violence and will leap headfirst down the slippery slope to extrajudicial killing without blinking and probably already has a list of people she’d like whacked for slights real or imagined. Girl just saw a chance to do violence and jumped right on in.

“wE aRE gOinG to HAVE FRIENDS”

10 miles West of Boston - cracks me the fuck up every time, legit fucking crying laughing, had to pause HBO twice to laugh some more and harder

BOY TRAFFIC SURE LOOKS GOOD ON THE PIKE LOL

the reporter’s face at the beginning: peak Marge Simpson going COULD YOU LIGHTEN UP BACK THERE KIDS

“This is a commune - we’re communists.”

no shit, you don’t say

HBO knows what we really want: airplanes falling from the sky, mountains in the middle of Waltham, a grizzled bear romance, sad dad energies, feral teen energy, gay crimes, criticism of power structures and mushroom zombies

also 10/10 acting to the Fungus Expert - the teacup rattle was just so chef’s kiss for underscoring the I Can’t Explain to You the Level of Fucked We Are. It’s little fucking details like that that have me like aww yeah that’s how you convey a proper level of narrative piss yourself terror without exposition.

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, JUNE 30, 1994 Wow! It’s so much cooler in this house than it has been in a few weeks. Especially in my room. Tom switched over to the AC till we get the other EC going.

I put the wedding card that came with the candlesticks my folks sent in the back of this book.

I’d like to write more, but first I’d like to go make some coffee and see what the talk topic is on Jerry Springer.

Later…

Now that was both spontaneous and fun! Tom came in and laid down with me cuz my lungs were a little tight. After whacking my back he went down there.

Later…

Tom’s leaving for work real soon, and I’m surprisingly not too tired. I’m probably going to listen to music soon.

Boy, has it been unusually hot with temps of 115º daily. In Laughlin, they hit 125º! In Lake Havasu, they hit 128º! God, I hope that never happens here. If I could pick the same low and high every day, I’d pick a low of 70º and a high of 110º. That’d keep the pool comfy. It’d also hopefully keep it as quiet as it has been all year round. Maybe keep the kids next door permanently in Idaho. It has been so quiet here and sooo nice. Oh, I hope it stays this way!

Today we’re ordering Denise Austin’s 1-2-3 Tone Up. I can’t wait to do it and I know it’ll be so much easier for me to stick to. Those other videos I have are just too much and too overwhelming. This should cut to the chase.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29, 1994 Uh-oh. It feels like my tooth is wiggling more.

So, how’s videography going? Well, Tom’s making a program that’ll make it plainer and simpler. The idiot who wrote the program we have is definitely stupid and they obviously like to confuse people. Also, the movie I taped is of lousy quality, therefore the pictures are grainy. The Guardian tape is top-notch, so that’s why its pictures came out clearer. We don’t have a video processor, either. I’m going to try to find this movie in a video store. Tom printed a picture of Andy performing. This was from when we were in the finals at the Frontier. It’s shitty, but there’s nothing we can do.

I also finished Andy’s 3-page letter, so I’ll mail that out tomorrow, along with letters to Bob and Kim.

I made spaghetti and two sandwiches for Tom.

His birthday could’ve been a lot better, but he had lots of errands and an upset stomach.

The house is officially ours today and we mailed out the insurance forms, in case I forgot to say. I still have to change my license, get a new SS card, and a new doctor God, do I hate having to start all over with a new doctor!

We went to Christown Mall and Tom got a dress shirt, new shoes, and a tie cuz he has a job interview tomorrow.

We went swimming today and that’s about it.

Later…

I got two packages from Mom and Dad today. One with the jewelry and another with silver candlesticks. There were about 5 rings that were nice but didn’t fit. I have on a really nice gold bracelet, and there are a few other necklaces and earrings they sent that are really nice. She enclosed a note saying the dishwasher is to come. I can’t wait for that.

Tom and his brother David (now my brother-in-law) brought the EC over. We hope to have it set up in a few days.

Should I go for a swim right now? Sure. Why not?

TUESDAY, JUNE 28, 1994 Good fucking God! I thought printing pictures would be a breeze now, but no. I’m having trouble with picture sizes, clarity, and all kinds of other shit. I need to work with Tom a while longer till I can be on my own, but will he have the time? We’ve got a lot of shit going on that we both have to take care of.

I have to get a new SS card, a new license, and a new doctor. Plus, his sister Mary’s getting married on July 16, so I’ve got to be prepared for that. I think this Sat. she’s supposed to be having a family get-together, too.

I’m so confused with videographing that I’m not even sure how to word or describe my questions to Tom. Well, if I can’t ever learn how to do it on my own, then so be it.

I got 3 Bob letters today but was too lazy to type his or anyone else letters.

I typed up #38 & #39. So, that leaves #’s 40, 49, 52, 53, & 62 to type up first since they should go faster. Also, #41 and a few others may go faster cuz there are letters written in them. This is before I put all my letters into their own books. I will not be typing up any letters.

At about 7:00 last night I gave Tom his birthday letter and his two pairs of shorts. Thankfully, he really liked them a lot and doesn’t need to get them exchanged.

Since I don’t know how to bake a cake, and it’s too hot for that anyhow, I made up some pudding. He found the candles and put them in the fridge. I stuck them in the pudding.

Well, I guess that’s all for now.

Oh, Tammy got the video. She said it was beautiful, but she felt bad cuz no one was there, but as I told her, that’s what we wanted.

MONDAY, JUNE 27, 1994 Boy, has it been hot! It’s been holding a steady 114º for nearly a week now. The only time it’s comfortable in here is very late at night. That is, till we build the EC that’s going in the back room.

I did a lot of swimming today and so did Tom. He also mowed and worked on the sign program.

We went over and filled out the health insurance forms, too.

Last night I typed Tom up a little birthday letter. I hope to hell I can find candles around here. I don’t know how to bake a cake or care to in this heat. However, I know he loves pudding. I was going to make some up and stick candles in that. They’ll hold. Let me go check to see if I can find any candles.

Later…

Shit. Can’t find any candles around here. I left a home memo for Tom on the VM to let me know if he finds any around here cuz it’s been so hot that I think they should be refrigerated. Of course, I’m not stupid and neither is he, but I can’t find them.

I can’t wait to give him his presents. Those two pairs of shorts. And I hope to hell they fit OK.

In 24 hours, I typed up #38 and #16. Cool, huh? I also typed up letters to Tammy and my parents. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll get letters from Bob and Kim. Tomorrow I’ll type them letters, or whenever I get any from them.

We’re expecting lots of stuff in the mail. Our wedding pictures, the ribbons, work for me, and other stuff. I just can’t remember all we’re expecting, but I know there’s more.

Later…

I just went to set the VCR to tape a movie that looks like it oughta be good. I’ve still got a 4-hour movie to watch. That’ll be good for days, or nights for that matter when I’m so incredibly bored.

I don’t think I’ve written about a certain letter I sent to both my parents and Tammy right before we left for Vegas, so I may as well write about it now. In the letter, I mentioned how they’ve helped me financially, were there for me to talk to (especially Tammy), and gave me my dream of Arizona. I said I had one more favor to ask them that was non-material. That is, even though I’m not a rich and famous singer, would they acknowledge me as one in their hearts and minds? Would they put it in writing, I asked, cuz I want to put it in this journal even if their answer isn’t what I want to hear. I haven’t heard about it and I probably never will, but we’ll see.

God, it’s so fucking warm in here! Can’t wait for that other EC!

Andy met that guy Chris. He says he’s not the best-looking guy, but far from the worse and so far they have really hit it off and Andy doesn’t want to judge him only by his looks. Especially cuz he wants a full-time relationship and no longer wants to fling around.

Later…

My hair is so long and so thick. I just wish there was a comfortable bathing cap that would hold all this hair cuz the pool kills it and it’s such a pain.

Boy, Tuesday will be a busy day. We have lots of errands and still lots of things we need and want to do.

I can’t wait till we build Piggy’s cage. I’ve always wanted and thought how neat that’d be to have for every single guinea pig I have ever had. He’ll love it too, I’m sure.

I really hope I get mail tomorrow. I am so anxious for the ribbons to get here. I’m going to have so much fun making all kinds of pictures for my bedroom walls. It’s about time, too. My walls have been the same ever since I moved in here, so they could use a change and a new look.

As of today, I’ve been doing journals for 6 years and 8 months. That’s a long fucking time!

I keep forgetting to read Tom Fran’s letter to Sabrina. Maybe I’ll do that on his birthday on Tuesday.

His parents sent him a check for $37. A dollar for every year. I guess that’s what they do with all the kids every year.

I am so hungry now, so I’m going to break for a bite to eat, then return.

Later…

Yuck! That macaroni and cheese from KFC tasted like shit, then the bottom of the Styrofoam cup it was in fell off, too.

Piggy looks so hot. I’ll bet he is wearing all that fur. I just put the blue ice in. It’s not really ice, though, just this blue plastic thing from the freezer that Tom told me about.

SUNDAY, JUNE 26, 1994 Shortly after 3 PM, Marla, her son, and Andy got here. Timothy was surprisingly calm, obedient, and non-destructive.

Poor Marla’s humongous, but her face and hair look better than the last time I saw her.

During the wedding video playback, Andy was the only one who watched it entirely as Marla was busy bombarding Tom with countless computer-related queries. Andy concurred that both Tom and I appeared larger on video. I have always believed that video makes everyone appear larger unless they’re bone thin.

It was so funny cuz Marla was saying how she used to babysit all of us kids but I was too young to remember. I was barely 2 years old. Marla’s 44, so there’s a huge age difference. She said rather than my mom asking, she’d call up demanding that she babysit us. She said she felt so bad for us kids and seeing mom treat the dogs like gold and us like dirt. She said it took a whole 24 hours or so to get us laughing and that she’d constantly try to praise us and compliment us. She said Ma treated me differently when I was very little cuz she supposedly felt guilty about my ear. Well, she certainly didn’t treat me any differently or any better when I got older. She said she couldn’t stand babysitting us and had to stop cuz she felt so bad for us all.

Andy said Marla said I looked the best she’s ever seen and says I’m in great shape. That’s cool.

Tom did a lot of work on his car today but I guess there’s more work to be done on it to pass emissions.

We discussed building a huge cage for Piggy. One with split levels and places for him to hide. He’d love a huge cage like that.

Gloria was on the American Bandstand, but I haven’t seen it yet, cuz I’m now using that tape to record a 4-hour movie.

Did I mention that Tammy still hasn’t gotten the tape?! What the fuck’s taking so long? I hope she gets it Monday.

SATURDAY, JUNE 25, 1994 I got up at 11:30 today and shortly after noon, Andy called. Andy, Marla and her son will be over soon. I sure hope they’re not here long and that Timothy doesn’t destroy this place. Andy says he’s been pretty good and that he’ll keep a constant eye on him. I hope so, cuz that’s what Kara used to say.

I wonder what’s going on with Kara these days. Did she try to become a cop? Is she in Arizona or did she go back to Michigan?

Later…

Andy just called and they’re going to be an hour late and not get here till 3:00. At 4:40 she’s got to be at the airport. They’ll probably be here for about an hour.

I think I’ll go do some typing now of journal #10, which I began last night.

I’m down to 100 pounds from 104 pounds, so that’s good.

Oh, Tom turned on the mister that’s out on the back patio. It’s really nice and very refreshing. I’ll probably go skinny-dipping tonight at 8:00 when all the bees are gone.

Later…

Andy just called and they’re leaving in 5 minutes, so they’ll be here in 20 minutes.

I just did lots of typing, and God only knows what I’m going to do after they leave. Tom’s going to work on his car and I’ll probably type and listen to music till I go swimming.

We’ve been too busy to fool around and my appetite’s gone up a little, but that’s cuz I’m about 9 days away from my next curse. I’ve been taking care of myself and I can continue to do so till we have more time.

I didn’t get any mail today or Thurs. and Fri. Tammy still hasn’t gotten the tape of our wedding. I hope she gets it soon. Maybe today Nervous got all of Fran’s letters which I mailed him.

I hope Andy and Marla don’t laugh too hard over the video. I’m not in the mood to be embarrassed, even though you get used to it.

What else can I say till their arrival? Nothing, I guess.

FRIDAY, JUNE 24, 1994 Not much happened today, other than the fact that it was incredibly hot. I got 3 letters from Kim and 2 from Bob.

Andy drove over with some money he owed me, and in the car were Marla and her 1-year-old son Timothy who he’d just picked up at the airport. I ran out to the car to get my money and to show Andy the shirt and necklaces I got in Vegas.

Thank fucking God we’re not living in apartments that are connected. They’re all the same out here. Even if I lived next door to where he is now, I’d easily feel his elephant walk.

So, what did I get last night at the mall? Well, I went into a store where everything’s a buck. I got a pearl necklace with a diamond-like stone in a gold-plated oval shape. A pearly hair clip and a silver barrette that’s hard to describe. I also got a $10 skirt (cotton with little flowers) and a blue tank top with a zipper in front for $7.

Lastly, I bought Tom two pairs of shorts for his birthday. One of cotton that’s black, and a blue silk pair. I sure hope they fit and that he likes them.

That night Andy gave me Sabrina’s letters and she and I wrote to him today. He put 2 letters in 1 envelope and a card. Bob has never ever mentioned getting Andy’s letter. He said he never got the letter I sent to an inmate, either. Are those fucking guards, who think they’re God, playing games? Bob says one of them’s running around telling people what he’s in for. Yeah, I believe that.

Males! I love Tom, but I still can’t stand males in general. They’re liars, bullies, and sluts. Although, if I’d been able to get all the women I wanted, once upon a time, I’d have been a slut, too.

Guess I’ll go finish my coffee, then try to sleep. If I can’t sleep, I’ll be back to write more of whatever.

Later…

Actually, I don’t really feel like going to bed yet, so what shall I write about? Well, Fran called 3 times asking about Sabrina. What else is new with him, huh? I died laughing when he said he wanted to marry Sabrina and he asked her if she’d have his child. How can anyone be so desperate as to ask someone they’ve never met to marry them and have their child?

I also got a kick out of his description of the temperatures. He said it goes from “20% to 110%.”

Nervo and Crystal oughta get a royal kick out of his letters. If they read them, and I really hope to hell they do.

I finished typing up #9 and tomorrow I’ll start #10.

So, what’s going on with the package of jewelry Ma said she mailed? And the dishwasher? I know Andy can’t get us anything cuz he’s broke, but I understand that. Plus, he just had to get his brother Gary a b-day present back in MA.

Fran says that anytime from now till Oct. he’ll be moving to Chicopee. Why is he going to move there? What the hell’s in Chicopee for the guy?

I asked him if he’s run into Nervous, but he says no.

Later…

Today’s been a stressful day. First, it was a fucking sauna in here and there’s not much we can do to fix it right now. Poor Tom had a million errands to do as well as to put an up duct in my room and work on his car.

Lastly, about 10 minutes ago, Andy surprised us with a visit with Marla and her son. I hate that and Tom does, too. They’re stopping by tomorrow afternoon, too. They want to see the wedding video. Marla wants to see the house and meet Tom, but she already did a little while ago.

Tammy hasn’t gotten the video yet, but I called Dad and they both said it was very beautiful. Dad said I didn’t look any bigger. Thank God I don’t!

Tom also picked up our rings today and at first, I thought I’d have to bring mine back. It’s a 4¼ and I thought I’d have to get a 4½ cuz it was so tight. It feels more comfortable now. I guess I just had to get used to it.

Later…

I just opened all the files to journals 1-9 and got all the statistics on it. Norah’s story, too.

Tom showed me today that the floppy disk I’m using holds 1.4 megabytes and I’ve used ¾ of it already! When I called Tammy, I said, “Three-quarters of a megabyte!”

She said, “What?”

I said, “I thought you knew a lot about computers.”

She said, “Yeah, right!”

Well, I thought she’d know all about what I was talking about, but since she didn’t I explained it all to her. I told her I typed 9 journals and a story.

THURSDAY, JUNE 23, 1994 Another lovely letter from Fran to Sabrina! It’s 6-7 pages and funny as all hell. I just copied it and I’ll be sending the original copy to Nervous. Crystal still lives there. The other day I figured - what the hell, and called him. He answered and was all set to talk to me till she screamed, “Hang up!” She sure has him wrapped around her finger.

I do have more to write about, such as what I got Tom for his b-day at the mall. I went with Andy. However, I’m really getting tired, so I’ll write another time.

TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 1994 Today and yesterday I mailed 3 envelopes off with forms for home office work. I hope at least one of them amounts to any good.

Last night Andy read me 3 letters to Sabrina that came in 1 envelope. They were hysterical, as usual. When we get together tomorrow night, he’ll give them to me. I hope nothing gets in the way of him picking me up tomorrow, as he’s doing me a huge and important favor.

Tom’s b-day is on the 28th, so I’ll be getting him God knows what.

I finished typing up my story till up to this book. I figure that every 5 journals or so I’ll update it, adding it to its document on the computer. I’ve also printed it out, but I won’t print out any journal stuff. I have 37 pages of it printed. A lot, huh?

Larry called yesterday from a truck stop in Ohio and said maybe he and Larry could come here sometime this summer. He admitted to having numerous affairs, which I figured. He says he doesn’t do it anymore, but I doubt that even though I couldn't care less. He congratulated me on getting married and then shocked me by saying he always knew I’d succeed in life. How nice. He tells me that my niece Jenny is into all types of dancing, mainly ballet, and will be taking up the flute. That’s cool.

When I casually mentioned Tammy and said how bad I felt for her, he said, “Yeah, I do too, but shit happens. There’s nothing I can do for her.”

He said he was on his way to CT, then on home to MA for a while.

I called Tammy after we hung up, knowing she won’t tell anyone and was beyond getting mad or hurt, and told her of my talk with Larry. She said, “Fine! Fuck it then! I’ve gone for 9 years, so I’ll go another 9 years.” I reminded her she’ll always have a sister and has been compensated with a brother-in-law.

Now I’m going to go do more typing on #9.

MONDAY, JUNE 20, 1994 On the 14th, the day we were to leave, Tom went and took some money out of my account. When he came home he was wondering if I called SS and SSI to appeal my case. Well, I didn’t, but both checks were there for June 1st and 3rd. What a lovely wedding present from the government. It is nice to see that after all those years of them fucking up on me in a bad way, they’ve finally fucked up on me in a good way. They owe it to me and if they try demanding any of it back, they ain’t getting it. Their letters to me did not come certified and I didn’t appeal regardless of that, so it’s their own mistake which I’m not paying for.

Andy was laughing at how I used the government’s money to gamble. Yup, I sure did.

I hope they screw up again in July, and it’s a good thing I didn’t go run and close my account.

We got new videotapes and I finally learned how to video edit! Tom and Andy were right. It is easy.

SUNDAY, JUNE 19, 1994 Boy oh boy, do I have lots and lots of catching up to do in this book! OK, I just looked back at the last entry to see where I left off. I forgot to say that we were lucky enough to be on the top floor (the 28th), and what a view of the castle! We gambled every day and it was sooo much fun, even though we lost about $300. There were thousands of slot machines. They all had so many different designs on them. My favorite slot machine was called Casino Night. It won me 200 quarters 3 times! Lots of 20s, 10s and 4s, too, but like I said, I ended up losing it all. Sometimes we played together and other times we separated. We both only played the slot machines. We didn’t gamble with other people like in blackjack or other games. Some machines didn’t pay off that much, and others had a huge progressive jackpot.

We arrived there at 9 PM, so we weren’t up long. Just long enough to do a little gambling and see some shops and eat dinner. We got up at 6 AM the next morning and went to a really nice breakfast buffet. It was the 15th, of course, the day of the wedding. We pretty much gambled till 2:30 when the limo driver came to pick us up at the hotel. He took us to the courthouse to get the marriage license. First time in a very long time with me being in a courthouse where I wasn’t in any trouble. The clerk there asked me if “Lin” was spelled right. I was like, no! I don’t know how to spell my own middle name.

On the way to the Las Vegas Garden Wedding Chapel, I saw the famous lighted cowgirl and cowboy. So, at the wedding chapel, which was gorgeous, I wasn’t at all nervous till the ceremony started. I wore that royal blue tank top/shorts (1 piece) that looks like it’s a skirt, my black pumps, the earrings Ma sent me and one of the beautiful necklaces I bought. I had my hair down and wore makeup.

Tom wore black sneakers only because they were black so you couldn’t see them in detail, so it didn’t look funny. Also, black slacks and his new light blue dress shirt we got him before we left.

I had a bouquet of silk flowers instead of real ones. That’s better cuz real ones would die off in a day and bother my allergies.

The minister went over the ceremony with us first and we let him know we wanted a civil one and not a religious one. Also, no saying that I agree to “obey” him.

So, they took pictures and videotaped the little ceremony we had. I’m sending my sister and parents a copy, but I’m so embarrassed! Tom, on the other hand, looked great and was so calm. I was shaking like Nervous and looked so bow-legged and so chunky.

I hope the pictures come out well. Today Tom got video mailers, so I’ll mail them their copies tomorrow. And also, I’m sending Kim back her two tapes of those funny answering machine messages.

So anyway, after the wedding, we got back to the hotel at 4 PM and called Tammy and my parents. They were very happy for us. Then, we fooled around for an hour or so, then we went to an old-fashioned and ugly place for prime rib dinners. The prime rib was great, though. After dinner, we gambled till we crashed which was early. At 4 AM Tom woke me up when he turned the light on in the bathroom. I was beat, but I got up anyway.

We went for breakfast across the way at the MGM Grand, and oh my God! That place was awesome, even though it was dead. Tom said he went to other nearby hotels/casinos without me and they were also dead. At the MGM there was a huge display of Dorothy and The Wizard of Oz and all the other characters with props that go with the movie. There were also lasers and a sound machine that made thunder and lightning. The next time we go there, we’d maybe like to stay at the MGM Grand, The Pyramid, Luxor, Tropicana, or wherever.

Anyway, it was just all so gorgeous inside and outside. I really wished we had a camera, but we hope to the next time around. If they blew Phoenix off the map, I’d definitely move to Vegas.

The pen I’m now writing with came from the room. I got other little things here and there too, from the room. Cups, a pad, soap, lotion, etc.

So our last day there, the 16th, we pretty much gambled till we left for the airport. We got back to the house at 11 PM, and yes, Tom carried me over the threshold. Almost forgot, though.

When I got back there were 3 letters from Bob. One had a letter from his friend Brian in it. It was nice, and I wrote them both back. I got 2-3 more letters from him (Bob) over the next two days as well.

I called Tammy and my parents. Dad has the Father’s Day banner across their entertainment center. Cool. I wasn’t sure if he’d like it. He said Larry tried calling but got no answer. Oh well, he’ll try again I’m sure. I talked to Andy too, of course.

I tried to take an NPN envelope, put his name over the address on it and send it to him, but I guess he never got it. I don’t think Bob got Andy’s letter or a few I sent him, and Andy says he’s gotten no letters yet for Sabrina.

Andy didn’t come over while we were away, but the mail was fine and so was Piggy.

I wrote to Tammy, my parents, Fran, Bob, Kim and that guy Brian. In the hotel room, there were 3 pieces of stationary and 3 envelopes, so I sent 1 to Tammy & Bill, mom & dad and Andy. The second day I mailed postcards to Andy, Kim, Bob, Fran, my parents, Tammy & Bill and 1 for the girls.

Mom and dad mentioned sending us a portable dishwasher, but I haven’t heard anything about it yet, so we’ll just have to wait and see. I think she said something about sending jewelry, too.

Oh! I forgot to mention a few other things. I got a tie-dye shirt with fringes on it that says, Excalibur Hotel/Casino/Las Vegas. I also got a really nice barrette with colored glass stones in it and 3 necklaces. One has gold with colored glass stones, another has colored beads on a black string, and the last one has one dice on a black string.

When we got back and went food shopping, I wore the shirt and the dice necklace. I’m sure everyone could tell I’d just been in Vegas.

I realized a very stupid mistake I’ve been making all my life and a million times throughout my journals. That is that I’ve been spelling Los Angeles as Las Angeles, and I of all people should’ve known better. It only makes sense since Angeles ends with a masculine tense, and therefore it has to be Los and not Las.

Later…

I just got off the phone with Andy a little while ago who may have a promising relationship with a guy named Chris.

Anyway, now I can update on all that’s happened since returning from Never Never Land. First of all, it’s the other way around now, Tom’s been pretty horny and I haven’t. I’m sure I’ll pick up my appetite, though, as it comes and goes. I only hope it doesn’t pick up when his is down.

I just took BOL #10 and put in the ticket that they put on my luggage in CT when I came here, my Vegas ticket and both of our boarding passes.

The whole trip went great as far as my asthma. Also, we had no fights. We haven’t had any for a while, which is very nice. The only thing I felt the bulk of the time in Vegas was tired. Very tired. When we got back we crashed within two hours.

From Thursday to today, we swam, barbecued, went food shopping, did computer work and other odds and ends around here. He picked up plastic office folder files to sort out papers which we did. We went through all the mail I got for at-home work and tomorrow I’ll be sending one out.

He got a couple of computer books and a $50 portable CD/cassette player, so we can listen to CDs in other rooms.

We sent away for colored ribbons which will be a lot cheaper. I ordered 50 stamps through the mail.

THURSDAY, JUNE 16, 1994 Hey, I’m in Vegas!!! I am so overwhelmed with this place and all that’s gone on here. Where do I start? I guess I should start at the beginning. The whole thing will take many pages and I may not finish till after I return to Phoenix.

Later…

I stopped writing up above cuz Tom had come into the room and then we went off to do things all day.

In an hour we’re leaving for the airport. I guess now is a good time to start writing all about my fairytale trip. Andy picked us up and brought us to the airport. He gave me 4 quarters to gamble with.

At the airport, I was pretty emotional for two reasons. One’s that it was a wonderful trip down memory lane. The other’s cuz another childhood dream was about to come true. The airport was pretty dead and the flight was, too. I got a window seat and it was great flying. The shortest flight of my life, though, that’s for sure.

When we got to the airport we came to this hotel, The Ex-Caliber, with 4 other people in a limo. You check in on the 1st floor where all the casinos and slot machines are. All the bright lights were like - wow! Finally, everything that was just a fantasy was a reality. All those things I only saw in visions, magazines, and on TV, I was seeing in person. We came right up to the room which was actually kind of ugly, but suitable enough for us. The bathroom’s big. The building and uniforms of the people who work here are ugly. They’re all in a medieval theme.

TUESDAY, JUNE 14, 1994 Well, today's the day! We'll be in Vegas in about 14-15 hours! I will be very very tired, though. I've been up since 11:15 last night. I have lots and lots to write about, but I'll probably save it for the trip. I'm gonna spend most of the day laying down and I'm gonna go do that now.

SUNDAY, JUNE 12, 1994 God answered my prayers (I think) once again. Yesterday I slept from 1 PM - 8 PM. Miraculously, but thankfully I fell asleep at 11:30 last night and slept till 3:15 AM. This gives me the gusto to go out today. We’ll be leaving real soon to go look at rings and do some other shopping. I’ll write about that after we return from wherever.

I saw that 4-hour movie. She looked great. There were only a few scenes where her hair looked pitiful and she wore these geeky hats. For the most part, her hair and face looked really hot. Her hair was a few inches below her shoulders. Her clothes were very conservative, though. Can’t wait to print out pictures from this movie.

Tom and I went swimming. We also called Tammy who congratulated Tom, welcomed him to the family and said she loved him to death, even though she’s never met him.

Right before we go, I’m going to shave and do my nails. My nails need serious filing and polishing. We have ideas about what we’re going to wear. Tom will probably wear his black slacks and we’ll get him a shirt today. I’ll probably wear my all royal blue, tank top/shorts thing that looks like it’s really a skirt cuz it’s fuller from the waist down. The top has spaghetti straps. It’s my favorite that I bought when I was working at Favors.

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 1994 Only about 14 more hours to go before I see that 4-hour movie. Or tape it, at least. I sure hope her hair’s not as short in this one as it was in Magic Moments.

Got one Bob letter today and that’s about all that’s happening right now. I’m going to go do more typing.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and we just put stuff in the pool to kill algae. The water was turning green.

I also took that plant clipping I cut to root inside. The water won’t evaporate as quickly in here. It’s in the same cup in the living room window.

Tom doesn’t usually work on Saturdays, but he’s going in today for some overtime. He’ll be home at 4:00 or 5:00, rather than close to 7:00.

I’ve got a tape ready to record that movie. I really wish I could get every movie she was ever in and edit with two VCRs like Andy does. Both he and Tom say it’s easy. If I could do it, I edit out everyone else, run her altogether, cuz it’d be a whole lot easier to print pictures out that way. I’m also hoping The Guardian will be on again soon enough, so I can tape it, cuz the tape I bought of it has missing parts that were on TV.

So, how many letters will I get today?

Did I mention I made a 5-page banner for my dad? It says - Happy Father’s Day, With Love, From Jodi Lin. I hope he likes it. I’ll send it out Monday.

Yes, they’ve definitely gone to Idaho next door. It’s been so quiet and so peaceful here. So much more so and I love it. It’s as quiet as it was when I first started hanging out here last July. Mid-May to mid-September oughta be the quietest. I wish the weather was like it is from June-August, all year round. Next winter, though, come to think of it, will be much quieter. I mean, it should be, and I’ll write why it should be after I go grab a smoke.

Later…

Well, I did more than grab a smoke. I tried to call Tammy, but there was no answer. I did talk to Ma, though, and she said to call collect from Vegas when we’re married. She’s also sending me some jewelry and wants a picture of us she can frame.

OK - so why do I feel next winter will be quieter? Cuz the heavy metaller oughta be gone, and if not, he won’t be playing so loud since we had our little talk. Also, next door was the noisiest when they moved in, so since they’re all moved in, they should be quieter. I know, though, that from September-May there’ll be some ball playing and noise out back when they’ve got their door open. It’d still be nice if they decided to up and leave and an elderly couple with no kids, grandkids and very little company moved in. Or a guy like Tom or a woman like me. Anyone who hates kids and company. Dean, next door, is from here. Thank God Lenore’s not from here, cuz then where would she and the kids go?

Lastly, I have the fan as a wonderful weapon against being woken up. Just the mail going in the mail slot alone would wake me up with no fan. I definitely don’t miss sleeping with the radio on. Certain commercials can wake me up. Plus, I used to hate trying to fall asleep to either commercials or songs I didn’t like.

Wow! I’m already halfway through this book and I began it only 12 days ago. Let’s see… what else can I write about? I am in a writing mood, but I’m running out of things to discuss. Well, my period’s over. Lucky me.

I watched Halloween 5 which I taped. It was so-so. I’ve seen so many of those movies now that they’re so predictable and boring. Like eating the same food and wearing the same clothes every day.

I saw on 20/20 a segment on cosmetic tattooing. Now if I had the money, knew I’d like the results, and would have no allergic reactions, I’d love to have that done. It’d be great to have makeup forever that never smudges or fades.

No messages from Andy. Wonder what he’s up to? Did he get Sabrina’s letter yet? I worked on his letter last night, but I won’t do any more of it till we get a color ribbon and I start printing out stuff.

Well, I guess that’s all for now. It’s coffee time now.

Later…

Rather than get any coffee yet, I was playing with the pig. I swing my hand real fast and it gets him to jump, just like it used to do with my cat. Yup, he’s a playful one. When I take him outside and sit him down next to me, he jumps up on my lap.

Another thing I like about these kinds of pens is that I can look and see how much ink there is left.

I’m going to go set the timer on the VCR before I forget.

FRIDAY, JUNE 10, 1994 Not much to update on now.

Got 3 Bob letters today and now I’m going to go continue typing my story.

So far I have about 200 letters in all. 125 from Bob, 4 from Mom, 4 from Lisa, 5 from Alex, 52 from Kim, 7 from Dad, 2 from Fran, 10 from Andy, 10 from Tammy, and 1 each from Nervous, Brenda, Brian, Donald, David and Tara.

THURSDAY, JUNE 9, 1994 Yeah! Been here for two years! Well, almost. It’s still “Free Year’s Eve.” It’s almost 5 AM ET and my flight didn’t leave till 4:30 PM. I arrived here at 10:30 PM which was 7:30 PM ET.

Got a letter yesterday from Alex. How funny, cuz the night before, I was wondering if I’d ever hear from him again.

I’m also happy to say that I scanned the hell out of next week’s TV guide and Sat. Norah will be in another 4-hour movie called Hold the Dream. That movie A Woman of Substance was a 6-hour movie, I noticed.

So now I know of 6 movies she’s in. The Guardian, Hold The Dream, Nates & Hayes, Magic Moments, A Woman of Substance and Local Hero. I’ve only seen all of #’s 1 and 3. Seen 1 hour of #4. Will see all of #2. Hope to hell I eventually see all of #’s 4, 5 and 6. And anything else that may exist with her in it.

Tom asked me to type up my stories so he doesn’t have to keep jumping from journal to journal. How sweet of him. Well, I guess I may as well go start that now. I looked back through my journals and got a pretty good idea of where it starts.

Later…

Tom’s up now working on the computer till it’s time for him to shower and take off for work.

I made two sandwiches for him right before he got up.

Last night I had to wake him up. Supposedly it was only a baby, but it was still a huge spider I spotted on the living room ceiling. They come in at night through the front door. When we bombed we never really took care of the outside. After Tom leaves I’m going to spray the hell out of the front and back doors. I’ll go outside, close the door behind me and spray like hell.

I also have to call for a refill on my inhalers.

I began typing up my story. I’m glad Tom suggested it after all. This allows me to be able to touch up things, change things, add things. It begins in #58 and is also in #’s 60, 61, 62, 64, 66 & 67.

The weather line says today it’ll be 106º, then for Sat. and Sun. it will be 105º.

Since I got no letters yesterday from Bob and Kim, I may very well get mail from them today. From Bob especially.

I wonder if I’ll ever hear from Cassandra?

Andy hasn’t mentioned getting a letter yet from Fran to Sabrina.

Fran tried to call collect 4 times yesterday, I heard on the VM. I’ll never accept a collect call from him. I called him back, and it was his usual paranoia about Sabrina dumping him. The boy is so fucked. Anyway, I know he’s losing his phone real soon, but I’ll never talk again to him by phone unless he calls me. Calls direct. I hope he does lose his phone fast enough. That oughta make him write more. It’ll spin-off his paranoia some more, so he’ll want to write.

I really haven’t been working on Andy’s letter lately. Only once when I first began it. I really wanted to wait till I got that color ribbon and printed out pictures first.

I was out back a little while ago and the pool water feels warmer than the air. I wonder what the deal is with the Jacuzzi thermometer? I can’t even read it. It’s all yellowish.

I am starting to get so tired now, but I have to stay up till at least 8:30 to call in my refills. Actually, I really want to stay up as late as I can. Bye for now.

Later…

Tom’s in the shower now and I am sooo dead tired. Already?! Well, then again, I’ve been up since 3:30 yesterday afternoon and I had only slept 6 hours. Then I got my period.

Yuck! I see cobwebs on my lampshade. I’d better go take care of it before it builds up into a really serious mess that I know I’m not going to want to deal with.

Going to go listen to music after that and I’ll probably write again tomorrow. I’m too beat to do any more right now. Plus, I can’t think of anything else to say right now.

Be back tomorrow!

TUESDAY, JUNE 7, 1994 Gloria’s going on the Arsenio Hall show now, so I’m taping it.

Boy, was I pissed yesterday! I was browsing through the TV guide and noticed I missed another movie with Norah in it. Tom said not to worry though, cuz this movie is on a lot and it should be repeated within a month. Let’s hope so. In the meantime, every new TV guide we get, I’ll thoroughly check.

I can’t fucking wait till we go to Vegas! The tickets came today. Delta Airlines. Same one I flew out here on.

I typed letters to Kim and Bob and soon I’ll do one for Fran. After Sabrina gets her letter.

Still no messages on Prodigy from Tammy or Marla.

Tom barbecued hamburgers and hotdogs for us earlier. They came out yummy.

Did I mention that I edited Norah? Well, I did.

Got my period tonight, two days early, but it’s not really a period yet. Just dark spotting.

Let’s see…what else can I tell you that I’ve forgotten to tell? Nothing I can think of, so I guess I’ll do some editing or typing. Or both.

Oh yeah - Tom got Andy a spare key. So, if he wants to, he can check on Piggy while we’re gone and make sure the mail doesn’t get all jammed up. This time, though, I hope Andy doesn’t leave his key in the Glendale library.

MONDAY, JUNE 6, 1994 Lots of things happened today. Mom and dad called and Larry was there too, so we spoke.

Today’s Ma’s b-day and she says she got my card and not to bother calling tomorrow cuz she’ll be out.

I finally got to meet Tom’s parents today. They were very nice and Marjorie even gave me a beautiful plant that I hung up out back.

Earlier I recorded that 1-hour of the movie Magic Moments and The Guardian onto an audiotape. I edited most of it and it sounds pretty cool.

I’ve got more to write about, but I’m sort of beat. I’ll write tomorrow and expand on more subjects. For now, I’m going to try to go to bed.

SUNDAY, JUNE 5, 1994 Not that much happened yesterday, but both Fran and Andy got letters from Bob. Andy read me the 6-page letter he’s sending Bob. I doubt Fran will write Bob back, but he asked me to ask Bob if he knows a Dennis C who’s supposedly in some jail on a drug charge. Fran also told me that Sabrina’s about to get her 2nd letter.

I swam today. Tom swam a bit too, and brought over a grill from his parent’s house.

Tom and I began to film the signing video and we had some fun, too.

I discovered another movie Norah’s in called Magic Moments. I only could tape an hour of it so I hope it’ll be on again soon. Tomorrow I’ll also tape her in Nates & Hayes, an incredibly stupid movie, but why not? I hope The Guardian comes on again soon so I can tape it to get parts taken out of the unedited one. Her hair was way too short in Magic Moments. Shorter than I’d ever seen it before, just barely touching her shoulders. In The Guardian, it’s just below her shoulders and in Nates & Hayes, it’s almost to the middle of her back. I wonder what other movies are still out there that I don’t know about yet?

Well, anyway, I can’t sleep yet, so I’ll go watch TV.

Oh - almost forgot. Got a letter from Kim and one from Bob. Today I began BOL #10!

FRIDAY, JUNE 3, 1994 I watched a little TV just now and now I think I will do some editing after all. I listened to music and did the dishes, too. It’s nice to know we’ll have a dishwasher in less than a month.

I just had to stick some Ambosol on my back lower wisdom tooth. On the side that was never pulled. It hurt when I went to eat a piece of bread and it’s throbbing. I sure hope I won’t have to deal with that now.

So, is all this exercise paying off? No. I’m up to a 26” waist again and 103-104 pounds. I give up. I really feel my thin days are over. I’m just not meant to be thin anymore and I’m tired of trying to change myself. Tired of trying to be what I’m not and it just isn’t in me to work out for hours and hours every day. I feel that for some reason or another, I’m meant to get fat. Why? I don’t know, but right after I eat, I feel like I’m still hungry and haven’t eaten in years. To hell with trying to stay thin. It’s just too hard and I can’t change what’s fated to be. I expect to be no less than 110 by September 1st. It’s like my weight is just crying and begging to go up, so I’m letting it go now. It’s free to go wherever it wants. At my height 104 looks like 114, but I can’t hang on anymore and keep my weight where it is now. I can’t keep pressuring myself and trying to be what my body just isn’t.

Later…

Tom got home early today. He’s watching basketball now and later we’re going to have some fun.

We think they have gone to Idaho cuz the van hasn’t been there. Only one car. Any kids I’ve heard have been few and far between and they’re definitely not next door. Well, if they truly have gone, good riddance to them for a few months.

Kim called at 3 PM or so, saying she got a letter from Bob with a warning. A warning letter she’s keeping, in case she ever has to show it to the police to show he’s not involved. I guess they’re going to be making some changes there that have the inmates upset. He was afraid there might be a riot. We’ll just have to wait and see and Kim’s going to be seeing him real soon. Tom said that in minimum security prisons, there usually aren’t any riots. Let’s hope he’s right, and he usually is.

I saw a really weird-looking cloud earlier that looked like a mini funnel cloud.

I guess that’s all for now. I’ll be doing my usual stuff tonight. You know, music, TV, and typing.

Later…

Tom’s watching the end of the basketball game.

I forgot to mention calling Becky today who’s 7. Bill answered at first and thought I was Sue, Tammy’s girlfriend. No wonder, he sounded so unusually friendly. I don’t think the guy really ever liked me too much, but it’s pretty mutual.

Sarah, I still can’t understand, but Lisa said she didn’t get some solos she tried out for. That happens. It happened to me too.

I’ve got to get my dad a Father’s Day card, among other things we forgot to get at the grocery store. I always forget something.

THURSDAY, JUNE 2, 1994 Tom will be home soon, so I’ll write for now. Someone tried to call while I was shaving, but I didn’t get to the phone in time. They left no message.

Today I vacuumed, folded Tom’s clothes, washed my clothes, made Tom’s bed, watched TV, listened to music, typed, sang, and went swimming.

Got no mail today. That’s all there is to tell for now, I guess. I think now I’m going to write letters to Bob and Kim. Saturday we’ll be getting a black ribbon.

Later…

Tom brought home a new box of computer paper and a new black ribbon. I went to print out a picture, but it came out way too dark. I’ll just wait till we get a color one.

I’m printing out a letter to Kim now and tomorrow I may do one for Fran. I hope to get mail tomorrow so I can finish BOL #9. After Kim’s letter’s done, I’ll go listen to music.

Tomorrow’s Becky’s birthday so I’ll call there at some point.

Later…

I decided not to listen to music right now. I’m feeling bored and lazy, but not yet ready for bed. Let’s see - what shall I do? There’s always editing, but I don’t feel like doing that now, either. Too lazy to work out, too.

Andy and Sarah left me a message earlier, but I’m sure Andy’s asleep now. If not, he must be close to it.

You can really see some good color coming out on me. None of it’s from lying out, either. Tom was right when he said the best way to do it is slowly, little by little. I have no sun poisoning, either.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 1, 1994 Today was a typical day around here. Tom worked. I swam, listened to music and watched TV. I also finished typing #6 and now I’m doing #8.

I just trimmed my bangs and did a good job. It’s a wee bit too short, but that’s OK cuz my hair grows so fast. Especially my bangs.

No mail today, but hopefully tomorrow so I can close out BOL #9.

I’m about to write letters to Kim and Bob. The ribbon in the printer is screwed up, so Saturday we’ll get a new one. Last night I reprinted my journal chart bigger cuz I wanted to be able to see it from the bed. I filled in the blind spot.

Earlier today, I received a children’s magazine using a fake name. I suspect it was a gift from Andy. The magazine is offering over 150 stickers for free upon subscription, so I decided to fill out the form and selected the “bill me” option. I am hopeful that the stickers will arrive as promised, and I can use them to decorate various items.

I don’t know if I’m forgetting to write something in here, but if I am, I’ll write it in later. Now I want to start a letter before my movie is done taping in half an hour.