#people keep all kind of animals as pets the question is why we domesticated some and not others

[zaryathelaika]

Just to drive the point home Coppinger doesn't talk to anyone outside his social circle: here's a description of Amur Laikas from 2006 including husbandry, feeding and training. The text relies a lot on older descriptions. The following (below the break) is just a description of one type of dog kept by several groups of people. There are many more descriptions of husbandry practice from different groups around the world from South Africa to Ghana to the Sahara as well as Mongolia and Tibet. Yet Coppinger is like "Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, none of the ethnographic accounts matter. We must only focus on contemporary village dogs and street dogs" without taking into account the effect of colonialism, industrialization, developmentalism, globalization etc. Note the authors acknowledge the effects of industrialization and developmentalism. And they generally acknowledge in the taiga region away from the coastal areas, dogs are kept for companionship and as hunting assistants instead of for hauling. CW: subsistence fishing, commercial or industrial hunting, fur trade, beasts of burden (dog-sledding) Traunched the text below since it's a series of quotes as screenshots. Click "keep reading" to see more.

Housing:

Feeding:

Training (and division of labour):

Effects of developmentalism:

— Kuzina, Marina G. "Amur Laikas: Its Past, Present and Future" [PDF, 644kb]. Journal of the International Society for Preservation of Primitive Aboriginal Dogs 9 (2006): 8 - 16. Retrieved July 7, 2023. Archived from the original on January 19, 2023 via Wayback Machine.

There's more stuff you can read like:

Abe, Yoshiko. “Hunting and Butchery Patterns of the Evenki in Northern Transbaikalia, Russia” [PDF, 26.7 MB]. Stony Brook University (2005): 1 — 555. Retrieved February 2, 2023. Archived from the original on June 15, 2022 via Wayback Machine.

Samar, A.P. "Traditional Dog Breeding of the Nanai People" [PDF, 2.96 MB]. Journal of the International Society for Preservation of Primitive Aboriginal Dogs 34 (June 2013): 19 - 51. Retrieved July 7, 2023. Archived from the original on January 19, 2023 via Wayback Machine.

Popov, Aleksander V. “Hunting Laikas” [PDF, 1.91 MB]. Journal of the International Society for Preservation of Primitive Aboriginal Dogs 31 (2012): 21 – 42. Retrieved January 19, 2023. Archived from the original on March 18, 2015 via Wayback Machine. (including this one here because it makes the sense of the snarky tags)

The document from Samar noted the different conditions for hauling dogs and hunting dogs utilized by the same people. This is all stuff Coppinger has at his disposal when he proposed his hypothesis in 2001, but for some reason doesn't take his observational biases being impacted by events over the last 200 to 300 years into consideration.

So, yeah, I'm more inclined to believe some of the historical accounts from European settlers about how easy it is to lure curious wolves prior to introduction of livestock as well as ethnographical accounts of different groups of people keeping random animals as pets instead of some self-domestication dumpster-diving hypothesis. CW: commercial trapping There was one fellow up in Hay River, Northwest Territories (links to archived copy because account is terminated) who spared a weasel and kept them as a pet in his cabin during the winter. He fed them stuff he picked up from his daily checks of the traplines. He just kept that critter as a pet because he was bored and lonely during the long nights. Everyone who winter-hikes or winter-camps knows half the battle is keeping yourself entertained when it is dark outside.

And if you know anything about ferrets [archived], let alone other weasels, those only scavenge fresh kills. And mustelids are not very likely to self-domesticate like a wild cat would. So far, no one has actually successfully domesticated a mustelid other than the ferret. But people still kept them as pets regardless. Wouldn't be too difficult to imagine people doing the same thing with wolf pups during those long winter nights trying to pass the time. The oldest ceramics, pottery and sewing needles date back to around the same time period as the estimated dates for dog domestication long before agriculture. And all of the above require plenty of free time.

I am not a scientist (duh) but I don't see why the dog domestication argument is always between hunter vs scavenger. It always comes down to these two options (I've read a lot of dog books).

Seems more likely to me that it would have come about from deliberate feeding rather than scavenging or hunting food. Like, humans across the world and across cultures all do this really specific thing with animals: feed them. Seems likely to me that feeding the wolf was just the first step in the domestication process.

I agree with Derr that scavenging seems unlikely given that plenty of animals scavenge from humans and haven't become domesticated so far. I also see Wynne's point that the hunting story seems a little too romanticised to be based in reality. But what's the best way to make an animal tolerate you, if not like you? Give it something to eat.

[ferinehuntress]

◈　NAME　 ⋯ 　Panda, Panda Bear, Nessie

◈　PRONOUNS　 ⋯ 　she/her

◈　MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?　 ⋯ 　Caitlyn, Vi, Karlach, and Aylin. I only keep active muses ^^

◈　RP PET PEEVES?　 ⋯ 　Hmmm, so one would be one way roleplays. When someone doesn't help push the story along. I don't want to sit here, debating on how I can encourage some reactions or what not. So I always try to give something to reply to whether its by an action, a question, a response that can be added to, etc... I also don't like when I reply with several paragraphs and someone only gives me 1-4 sentences. I do not expect mirror reflections of my post, but I do like quality. Quality does not equal quantity, but can still give absolutely plenty with a couple of paragraphs. And lastly, not communicating. I know sometimes it can be hard, some days your mind literally has no ideas or process. or if your distracted (I know a few people have that with me right now cause I'm playing BG3 XDD) but when you just, don't communicate, how can you write with each other? Its why I always try to send out welcome messages and encouarge the first step of communication.

◈　EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS　 ⋯ 　I started roleplaying when I was 11 on a site called Avidgamers. So its been a good.....24 years ish?

◈　FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT　 ⋯ 　Hands down, Angst is my go to. I will, without a doubt, love angst. Its never too much for me, i could have a bunch of angst going and it doesn't wear me down or anything. That being said, I don't like certain kinds of angst, like person versus person (example, my character and your character getting into an arguing and hating each other, or break ups or things like that). My kind of angst tends to be two people versus a situation, or where one is trying to save the other cause they are cursed, or trapped, being tortured, etc....Angst comfort too is good. I do like smut, but I tend to like to write it with people I talk to often and we have a good dynamic between our characters. Fluff is a bit harder for me, I can't do domestic cutesy things as I tend to get a little bored after awhile.

◈　PLOTS OR MEMES　 ⋯ 　I prefer plotting, plotting helps get a dynamic down (as I do not write first meetings or encounters) so this allows me to get a development of what are muses are like together. Its also a nice little platform of security to know what is going to happen in a thread. It isn't step by step plotting, but just enough of like 'okay, tehy are going to this place, its probably going to have a fight, and this is their objective'. Really simple plotting that allows for the comfort of stability while still allowing the flexibility of a character to control teh flow of the scene. Memes I tend to use after we've done  some plotting because I understand dynamics better and I know what to write or ideas to creat.

◈　LONG OR SHORT REPLIES　 ⋯ 　I'll never give short replies. the shortest you'll get from me is about 2 paragraphs. I don't like gives just a skeleton writing and I tend not to follow people who do one liners or small less then 5 sentences writing. I'm in this for the long haul, I want stories and adventures and fun paragraph form writing.

◈　TIME TO WRITE　 ⋯ 　While I'm online almost all day, its more then likely you see me writing about 10-11pm CST. Writing at night is a lot easier then it is writing during the day. Don't know why, I'm a weird little night owl XD.

◈　ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)　 ⋯ 　I tend to write characters I associate with in some form or manner. Karlach for example, her absolute love of animals, and Caitlyn's more reclusive nature, or Vi's heart on her sleeve, and Aylin's protectiveness. I like to think I am in some way like them which allows me to bring them to life even more through this connection.

❥ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘　 ⋯ 　@apalestar, @c-leric, and others who said 'steal this' XD ❥ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆　 ⋯　@shimmerbeasts, @jynxd, @necrophcge, @never-surrender, @bubblybabins, @bakrahispul, @clara-eternal, @zaunseye, @lunarrepel, @lunawish, @lordliing, @hellscaress, @goldenfists, @governoir, @gauntlets-shot, @fereldensheroes, @dalishflame, @shldmaidns, @sanguisarcana, @starbvund, @arcanecast, @piltover-sharpshooter, @playgroundmonsters, @undercity-merc, @ruinouss, @runes-menagerie, @warwaited, and anyone else who wants to.

[opalthea]

Entry #5 : Paw Patrol Is On A Roll! Event-based writing (for Astro Attorney), selfships.

Somewhere in Fontaine...

✧.

"Heizou, I don't think it's professional of us to cuddle with wild sea otters."

"What?!" The man in question turned around immediately with a crushed expression, offended that they were, sorta; kinda, not allowed to be affectionate with the marine life in Fontaine. Not that it was really his fault — all the animals here were unlike the ones in Inazuma, after all — but there was a reason why they shouldn't. And Esther planned to make sure that these critters stayed safe and sound in their natural habitat.

Esther reached down to grab the otter in his arms, only to let it free from Heizou's awfully clingy embrace. "Nope, sorry babe. Defeats the whole purpose of keeping them safe." (Letting wild animals be used to human touch would be detrimental in the future, because while we know we would treat them right, other people — like poachers — would take advantage of the domestic behaviours of these animals.)

Feeling rather stumped, Heizou groaned and laid back on the sand. "You're really no fun, Esther. I see you too; don't think I can't understand just how badly you want to put your face onto the otter's fluffy stomach."

"Your eyes are tricking you," she answered, smoothly. Too quickly, she winced internally, and her answer received an amused chortle from her fiance.

Archons, they were supposed to be on the lookout for any suspicious activity, and here they were, getting distracted by cute otters and the cool seawater. She had better things to do, like finding out why some of her memories were all faded out, blanked, and altered, but these commissions were her ticket to her truth.

(Like it or not, she just had to comply. If she didn't, then who knew what that Fatui magician might do to her mind- or the Hydro Archon and her loyal Chief Justice.)

"Alright, let's actually do some scouting before we visit our next client, yeah?"

[ Save Our Otters, Not Your New Fur Coats! ]

A fact that isn't known to many is that, truthfully, not ALL animals of Tevyat could be your regular household pet. Not Sumeru's Rishboland Tiger, nor the Spinocrocodile; none of the native foxes of Mondstadt; and not even Fontaine's dearly beloved otters!

Poaching is a real problem that occurs in every corner of Tevyat, regardless if the species is known as a domesticated kind or not. Those who conspire in these illegal activities would actively hunt or capture wild animals on land that do not belong to them, or in contravention of official protection.

Related to this issue, a client of ours is a representative from Fontaine Animal Welfare Bureau, and has spoken up about recent poaching cases that involve Fontaine's infamous otters! My, how absolutely cruel.

Could you really live with the fact that you are contributing to the problem - buying products made out of otters, or keeping illegally-caught otters as "exotic pets?" If you asked me, or my fiance, we would object to that. Not only did we take it away from its natural habitat, surrounded by its own kin, but we also desensitise these beautiful creatures to humans, which would be destructive to the nature of these otters and the environment!

Help us out by reporting any suspicious organisations, and contacting your nearest Wildlife Center. Let's all save the otters - we don't need more pets to show off as a trophy, and definitely no need for genuine fur coats! -

- Esther.

© faesther . Do not repost, rework, or translate any of my works.

Astro Attorney Bias Game.

[is-the-primate-vid-cute]

what do you think about the ethics and practicality of making a concerted effort to domesticate a species of primate? does it vary from species to species? i'm personally not a fan of domesticating animals for no reason but Goldfish exist, so theres precedent, and i do at least think one could find more uses for a domesticate primate than a decorative fish

Domesticating primates just isn't feasible or ethical, and I'll explain why.

Domestication is a process that occurs over many years (up to hundreds of thousands), and it is a process that is different for every species of domesticated animal. We must understand that there are limits, even for successfully domesticated animals, in how they are able to be a part of out lives. A chicken is a domesticated animal, but you couldn't keep one as a pet in the same way as a cat or dog. Keeping a chicken as a pet requires a lot more of the outdoors, both for the chickens sake and for yours (they are not house trainable and will poop where they stand). Similarly, if you have pet rats they need their own cage/habitat and can't just free roam in your house. I bring these examples up to illustrate that the inherent needs of a species do not go away when they are domesticated.

Domestication requires somewhat of a symbiotic relationship: my dog provides me with love and companionship and I provide him with all his needs from food and shelter to enrichment. Further back in history dogs were hunting companions, so your dog would provide you help with hunting for the parts of the kill you wouldn't eat. Dogs are such a successful pet because our species have evolved together to have a mutually benefit relationship, and we have been able to selectively breed them to create different types of dog to best suit different lifestyles. You want a hunting buddy? A marathon companion? A cuddle bug? A protector? Theres a dog for that, and a good number of dogs that can fill many of these roles at once.

Primates do not work across the board when it comes to suitability for domestication. First of all, all primates have exceptionally complex needs. While there are some pet owners who like a challenge and will raise high maintanence pets, even small primates are not good contenders. Theres a reason why zoos have whole teams of people managing primate care! Primates have very diverse diets, complex social needs, are intelligent and require intellectual stimulation, and require tons of physical stimulation. These are all things which are very difficult and labour intensive for people to provide, but which primates are great at doing themselves in the wild.

You mentioned goldfish as an example, and I don't think I have to point out the difference between a fish and a monkey, but lets extend the comparison. Lets say you have a fish and you want to domesticate it to be able to live happily in your home- which shouldnt be hard because the fish in question will only be a foot long at the biggest. Now lets say that fish can eat commercially available fish food, but that can only be one part of its diet. You will also need to feed your fish a variety of fruits and vegetables. Not only that, but your fish is incredibly intelligent and requires physical and mental challenges to keep it happy. Because it is in your care, you need to give it puzzles and toys, and new ones frequently to keep it from becoming depressed. Now lets say this is a fish that is very social and needs to be around more of the same type of fish. Well that kind of makes it easier since they can entertain each other, but now you are looking at 10 of these fish. Now 10 fish that can grow to be a foot long each, how big of a tank do you need? Don't forget that it needs filters, stones, toys, and since they teach each other things you need even more puzzles for them to keep them intellectually stimulated. Even after decades of only breeding the lowest maintenence, most affectionate, and easygoing of the bunch, the offspring are not going to be substantially different. Now lets add that these fish can live 40+ years and don't reach sexual maturity until they're 10 yesrs old. This is essentially what we are looking at with hypothetical primate domesticstion.

In the past we have seen that even primates who come from multiple generations of captive breeding do not exhibit more domesticable traits. Additionally, humans have loved primates for thousands of years! We posted before about ancient egyptians keeping baboons, and frankly if primates could be successfully domesticated I believe firmly that it would have happened by now. To sum up:

1. Primates are too high maintanence to be worth domesticating, as their needs are incredibly complex.

2. There is no evidence from existing captive primate information that domestication is possible.

3. The fact that we have made it this far in history with so many domesticated animals but have yet to see any domesticated primates makes it all the more likely that domesticsted primates are not feasible.

4. There is no natural symbiosis between any primate species and humans that would facilitate domestication.

5. The best thing for any primate in captivity is a life that mimics their natural environment, and that includes inner species companionship.

[bonecorn]

I love your anatomy/references posts & I love skulls and skeletons & I would love to know how you convince people to give you their animal heads to clean. Also any bone cleaning tips for suburban areas?? When I was living on a farm it was easy to leave stuff out and let the bugs take care of it but my parents said hard no to dead things bleaching on the porch

Oh this is very easy!

Find a friend or acquaintance with land and leave your stuff there. Bug cleaning and tub maceration don't need a lot of hands-on attendance so you can check in however often you like.

There's also "hot water maceration" where you simmer (dont boil!) fresh heads in hot water and remove the cooked meat by hand. Make sure you scramble the brains first and then cook away inside or with a camping stove on the porch. And "bleaching" which is done with hydrogen peroxide can be done inside since the skulls are already clean by then anyway.

I don't actually convince people to give me their pets. For livestock, I ask because most people aren't emotionally attached to their livestock.

For pets, I wait to be offered the remains. More on that under the cut.

TLDR: Know the pet owner, wait to be offered bodies rather than asking. Make sure they are always in control. Ask for livestock no problem. Don't let scavengers eat euthanized meat.

holy crap lol

I don't ask for pet bodies. The trick is to be very open and excited about what you do so that people who know you know about bones and know that you are respectful of animal remains. Then, when a beloved pet dies, they might think about you.

Open up the conversation on death before it's relevant

You can also plant the seed ahead of time during a conversation about bones while the pet in question is alive and healthy. "Sometimes I do pets if their owner is ok with it, though most want to bury. Have you ever thought about that for Baxter?" It's in SUPER poor taste to do this while an animal is dying, when you'll need to be way more tactful.

Know your friend well enough to guess their feelings on it

It SUPER depends on the person and how they view bodies and death. My ex's dog passed away and he was always queasy about corpses. I comforted him and cried with him while his beloved 15 year old dog declined and passed. I didn't ask or even mention it because I knew him enough to know that he would say no, and that asking would be painful and upsetting for him to think about. Same with my dear friend and her 20 year old cat. She had a beautiful pet graveyard with headstones and everything. You just know not to ask some people because traditionally laying bodies to rest is important to them.

Other pet owners are chill about it, ESPECIALLY if they come from a livestock background. Livestock people are used to sending their animals to be recycled into glue and wax when they die, because it's generally not feasible to bury or cremate a horse. If someone does plan to take that on, you know they are absolutely dedicated to traditional burial and won't give you anything.

Make it their choice to offer, rather than it being your request

Anyway. If you know the person, and you know they might be ok with giving up their pet's body due to how they view bodies and death, then you work on making them think about you. First, you comfort and do everything you can to help the person through their grief. If you weren't already planning on doing that, then you have no business asking for their pet. Do not comfort someone in order to get something out of them. That's disgusting. Just straight up ask them for their pet and know that they will view you as tactless and rude, but its better than manipulating them.

What I do is not manipulation, it's reminding people what you do and then letting them make their own decisions. When your friend is feeling a little better and is not crying, you can ask about logistics. I ask "What do you plan to do for burial/with the body?" and that usually makes them think about me and what I do with bodies. If they already have a meaningful spot picked out to bury or scatter/keep ashes, then that means the body is important to them and I shouldn't ask further.

At this point, they should realize what you could use the body for and think about how they feel about that. This is when my sister (who has a livestock background) offered her dog to me. We talked about how she thought of bodies, and she thought that the soul is the only thing that matters and once her dog passes there's nothing important left. I did not say anything to convince her, these were all her own thoughts.

It's very VERY important to respect and love the pet owner because they're extremely vulnerable and emotionally raw. That's why I don't straight up ask, because when you're losing a pet, you don't want to feel like someone is trying to gain something from you.

If your friend says they don't know or haven't decided what to do for the body, you can gently say "Let me know if you want me to help bury it, to take it with me, or to just be there for you." This is a close-ended statement and not a question. A question means that your friend has to come up with an answer right there and then, while an offer is actionable. This puts the power and autonomy in your friend's hands, so that when they make a decision it comes fully from their wants and needs and is not about you and what you want.

Be there for them even if you get nothing out of it

If they don't offer at this point, they're not going to. Now hold up your end of the bargain and continue to comfort and help through the grieving process. Again, if you aren't already invested in this person enough to want to soothe and comfort and be there for the human person in the equation, then you have no business asking for their pet. When a pet dies, your first concern should be to the person. If it's not, then you aren't close enough to ask for goodies.

Helping someone grieve is not payment for their pet's body. If you realize they aren't going to give you something in return for your comfort and so you abandon them, you're a terrible person using their grief to manipulate them for your own gain. Comfort is not payment. Closeness in grief is a metric by which you measure "Do I have any business to ask?"

The pet owner runs the show, not you

Throughout this process, stress that the owner can change their mind at any time. You don't want the owner to think "I hate this but I can't back out now because I promised..." Even when they animal is all wrapped up an in your vehicle and ready to go, quietly tell the owner that they can still choose what happens and if they have second thoughts, that's ok and you won't be mad.

My sister let me be there for putting her dog down and it was all about her and her love for her dog. She carried him out and laid him in my trunk and we stood in the rain and talked and hugged. She then told me she was happy that he could bring happiness to someone in life and now still in death, but that she didn't want to know anything. I agreed not to tell her or post anything about processing her dog, so for her it would be like burial. The same thing happened with my other friend's horse. She spent some time with him and then as soon as he passed she drove away and let me do what I wanted. She didn't want to hear Any of it. Again, I didn't ask or even offer, she came up with the idea of giving me the body all on her own even before I knew he was dying.

Horse people are much closer to pet owners than livestock owners, but they are used to sending their friend's bodies off to a different kind of processing (at Tallow factories, livestock remains are ground up, cut apart, cooked, and spun around to extract various substances that become soap, glue, candles, etc) so they know not to think about what happens after death. It still depends on how well you know the owner and know how they think about death, but if you offer to handle logistics like dealing with the tallow guy, they can actually save money by letting you have it.

You're actually doing livestock a favor

Livestock people are generally chill and have a much more utility/asset view of their animals. If the animal doesn't even have a name they probably don't care what happens when it's dead. In fact, most farmers will jump at the chance to give you their animal for free because calling the tallow company to haul it away costs them money. This is also why in areas with lots of livestock, you sometimes find bodies dumped in ditches or left on the side of the road, because the farmer didn't want to pay to get rid of it so they made it everyone else's problem. Even pet animals like dogs and cats are more Utility than pure companions on a farm, so you might have a better chance of getting remains from a farmer than a neighbor.

One more thing about pets and livestock.

When I find a dead deer, I flay it open and let the vultures eat it. For domestic animals, they are often put to sleep via chemical/drug.

THIS IS POISONOUS TO SCAVENGERS.

DO NOT LET SCAVENGERS EAT EUTHANIZED ANIMALS

Seriously. If you like nature, you need to protect it. Deflesh it yourself, throw all the meat/blood/offal away or bury it 6 feet down. Idk what it does to the environment so I always freeze it and then throw it away on garbage day.

Rot bacteria and beetle larvae dermestids don't mind. In fact, dermestid droppings and pupa shells can be analyzed for toxins by forensic scientists to determine cause of death. Neat! Just make sure that if you process outdoors, the remains are EXTREMELY SECURE and cannot be opened by vultures, coyotes, or wild pigs.

Remember the living, human person

I know I look very clinical by picking apart human emotions, but I respond, feel, love, and grieve just like everyone else. I didn't plan how to get any of the animals in the above stories, I just acted on instinct and these are the ones where that paid off well.

Most of the time if I go "huh. I feel that may not go over well" I can then take that feeling apart and figure out why. So hopefully explaining how my feelings work it can help you listen to your most useful and most compassionate ones.

The living person is always more important than a dead pet. Sometimes you can get the dead pet without distressing your friend, sometimes you shouldn't even try.

Respecting the dead

A final note on working with pets vs wild animals. This is someone's family member, so don't play puppet with it like you might with a skunk skin. Don't take pictures of any part of the process until they are rendered to bones. Pictures of dead pet species are even more distressing to the general public than wild animals, and sick freaks might take your photos and send them to people for kicks or attention. Better to just not have photos than for that to happen.

What processing a pet feels like

Working on a pet is always going to be different for you, the vulture, than a wild animal. Everything you see is touched by human hands. My sister's dog was... beautiful. You don't really realize how moved you're going to be by seeing the perfect amount of healthy fat covering, or beautiful muscles that speak of exercise and attention. She rescued this starving pup and turned him into the healthiest animal I have ever seen. She's a vet assistant and the care and love she put into this dog had me sitting there crying while I held his paws; with their perfectly maintained clipped and sanded nails. I'd only met the dog once for a few minutes when he was alive, but his body was a canvas and every inch was painted with layers and layers of love. It made me so, so sad that his neurological issues couldn't be helped because his body was proof of someone who would stop at nothing to cure what could be cured, and that the last months of his life were happier than he ever imagined.

On the flip side, pets whose bodies show signs of neglect and abuse are going to hit you harder than any deer could. The dog I found discarded in a garbage bag on the side of the road had rotten teeth and nails so long they curled over themselves into hoops. An overgrown and suffering deer is just the sign of nature taking its course. An overgrown and suffering dog is the sign of human cruelty, of shirked responsibility.

Most pets you get will between these two dogs. No owner is perfect. Most old dogs have lost teeth to rot, sick cats too weak to scratch properly may have overgrown nails.

Death as beauty

A pet's body usually a beautiful story full of ups and downs; of owners doing things wrong and then doing things right. A vulture or an artist can read a body like rings on a tree and feel the heart beat in their chest that tells them how strong and full of love this life had been. You need to be ready for this part. Every detail is a message from your fellow human and even though we are all animals and we decompose into the same dirt, we're meant to connect to each other here and now.

Keep your emotions open when working with remains.

Listen to what they have to teach you.

[arcxnumvitae]

★ fill in the questions as if you are being interviewed for an article and you were your muse.

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

A: Kurosawa Akinori

T: Endo Tomoe

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

T: ?

A: Oh? Like a codename?

T: If it were, then the first question would be about your ‘codename’

A: Ah, that’s right.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

A: My surname is written as “black” and “swamp”. Pretty foreboding

T: Mm.

A: And my given name is written with ”autumn” and “rule”.

T: And Endo is written with the kanji for “distant” and “wisteria”. Tomoe is written similarly to the magatama figure.

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

T: Single

A: Much to your parents’ ongoing chagrin

T: You already know my thoughts on that, and how little I care about what they think. They’d prefer to see me a demure, spineless housewife and nothing more.

A: Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice. Some people just don’t know when they’ve got something special right in front of them, and your parents are two of them. But hey, if you want to quiet them down by getting a guy...

T: How did I know you were going to make that joke. Your terrible sense of humor is probably why you’re still single too

A, laughing: Low blow!

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

A: Does being rich and having power at my fingertips count? Can I consider Tomoe one of my superpowers?

T: Flatterer

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

Both: Brown.

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

Both: No.

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

T: My parents and the usual extended family

A: Some distant family members, but I’d rather not let them get too close

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

Both: No

A: It’s a great tragedy, but unfortunately I’m allergic to most pet hair

T: We could get you a fish

A: Ah, but would it offer as stimulating a conversation as the ones I have with you?

T: I don’t think you’ll find that with many pets to begin with

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

A: Agh, this whole ‘underground yakuza boss’ thing is pretty exhausting you know. Sure, people make it seem all glamorous, but have you seen how much paperwork I have to work through?

T: Ugh, the paperwork is the worst

A: Sure, you’re at the top, but that includes a lot more fine print than it does for some of our guys who work the ground

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

A: “Spare time”? What’s that? All I ever see is the mountain of papers at my desk. And meetings, ugh

T: I also don’t find myself with much free time, but I like frequenting new restaurants and cafes when I can

A: You’re a bit of a foodie. A cultured foodie

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

Both: Yes

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

T: No

A: Yes. Hard to keep your hands clean in this kind of world. 

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

A: Haha, a dragon!

T: What an obvious answer

A: I think I’m contractually obligated to say it at this point

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

A: Tomoe is quite the perfectionist, to an almost distracting degree. She also has a somewhat odd sense of humor

T: And Akinori has an equally as terrible sense of humor, plus he’s always scheming about something or other

A: Hold on now, you said “terrible” about my humor but I only said “odd” for you

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

T: Not particularly

A: I do

T: Oh?

A: Ha, I’m a man with many facets

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

T: I don’t care in particular 

A: Same. A person would have to grab my attention first

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

T: We did. We both graduated from university 

A: Ah, the golden years...

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

A: Hm, what a thought

T: Unless you want to pass the group onto one of those distant relatives of yours, it’s almost required

A: What a thought. And you? Do you dream of marital bliss?

T: It isn’t a focus for me right now and it’s admittedly difficult to imagine myself a housewife in the picture of domestic bliss. Besides, I imagine my spouse might take issue with my current career

A: Depending on what their career is I mean

T: That’s true

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

T: I dislike the thought of returning to the situation I had been in before-- stifling who I am for the sake of others or for the sake of the family’s image

A: I think my fears are nothing too unusual. The loss of my hold over the group, gruesome death at the hands of an opponent, and so on

T: Not many men would be comfortable admitting they have any fears o begin with, let alone list them out

A: Heh, only fools would act like they’re scared of nothing at all, and it’s fools like those that are the easiest targets for me

T: Always scheming 

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

T: I think I dress rather conservatively. Knee-length skirts, well-pressed shirts, and so on

A: Yeah, conservative until you see the price tag on your clothes. Truly the taste of an heiress with how much you spend on them

T: Glass houses

A: Oh, I have to dress the part. First impressions and a man’s image are everything in this business, if I don’t look like the boss then how can I hope to command respect?

T: Ha, I didn’t say it didn’t make sense

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

T: No

A: No

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

Both: High

A: One raised in the riches of a world filled with blood and secrets, the other raised in the riches of a world filled with pristine glitz and glamor--funny the differences despite us both being “rich kids”.

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

T: Urgh... I’m too busy for things like that...

A: Do I need to give you more time off? Do you not have enough personal time?

T: The group would collapse if I was gone any longer than I already am

A: Wow

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

T: I’m not a fan

A: You don’t generally like sweet things, and most desserts

T: They don’t suit my palette

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

T: Cold barley tea

A: Hibiki whiskey. I’m a sucker for a nice shōchū too

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

T: My apartment

A: I suppose my own place as well

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

T: No

A: Loose lips sink ships

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?

A: I think I’ll spare my subordinate here the unnecessary details and refrain from answering

T: I don’t really care if you do

A: Well now I have to keep it a secret

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

T: Do I have to?

A, laughing: What, the sand too messy for you?

T: ...So what if it is?

33. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?

T: Mature, focused, I don’t want to waste my time with this person

A: It’s always nice to have someone who isn’t afraid to keep me accountable, or tell me how it is. I’ve got a thing for very honest people I guess, they’re hard to come by in my line of work

34. ANY FETISHES?

T: Nothing that’s anyone else’s business

A: I’ll also take a vow of silence here

35. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

T: Awfully nosy, hm? It depends, and that’s all I’m saying on that

A: Oo, she’s got that scary gleam in her eyes

36. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

Both: Indoors

T: Outdoors is...ugh

A: Our princess is not very fond of nature

T: Too much heat or too many bugs is an agitation to me

A: I can’t say I blame you

37. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?

A: I’d say I had a good time

T: It was alright

[shoutaaizawas]

↳ todoroki shoto x reader → cat naps 

event: domestic fluff prompt summary: you and shoto adopt a cat word count: 1,929 tags/warnings: fluff a/n: this was requested by @fudgingheckdudarino​ sorry for the wait. this was way longer than intended but i really enjoyed it.

You wanted a cat. Ever since you were little you adored cats. You grew up with them and it just always made you so happy to have them around.

Now you were an adult who shared a home with Shoto Todoroki, your husband. You had mentioned a few times how empty the house felt which led to Shoto explaining how he wasn’t ready for kids and might not ever be. Which for the record was a conversation you had already had and if you didn’t know how oblivious he was you might be offended that he was thinking you were trying to push him into having children.

“No, no Sho. That’s not what I meant.” You said, turning to face him in your shared bed. “I mean we should get a pet.”

“Oh.” He said you could tell he felt bad at assuming. “I’ve never had any pets.”

That didn’t surprise you, the more you had found out about his childhood the more you wanted to go slap Endeavor. Yes, he was trying to be a good father now but it didn’t erase what he had put his children through.

“It’s nice.” You told him, snuggling up to his warmer half. “They’re always there to greet you when you come home. I don’t know I just like the idea of knowing that someone’s getting used out of the house even when we’re gone all day.”

Shoto had a thoughtful look on his face which told you he was considering the idea.

“Not to mention there are so many animals out there that have been hurt and abandoned and don’t have any home.” You explained. “It makes me sad to know they’re out there without any love. It feels good to take in a pet and give it the love and safety it never had.”

“I’m starting to understand why you started dating me.” Shoto’s unexpected jokes always caught you off guard no matter how many times he cracked them. You nearly choked on your own spit.

“Not even.” You bumped him playfully with your shoulder. “I only dated you for your dashing good looks.” You smiled at him, brushing your hand through his hair. He gave you a small smile.

“I like the idea but I don’t think we’re home enough to have a dog. Don’t they need lots of attention.” He questioned.

“Yeah, I was thinking of a cat. They like attention but they also like their space. I grew up with them, I know how to take care of them.” You told him.

“Okay. We can go look tomorrow.” He offered.

“Really?!” You sat up looking at your husband with excitement.

“Yeah.” He said.

“I’m so excited, Sho!” You said before diving in for a kiss.

Walking into the animal shelter you felt like a child buzzing with excitement. You were most likely going home with a new family member today, your first cat as an adult, and Shoto’s first pet ever. You couldn’t wait.

Holding hands you walked through the different enclosures with different cats. At the front they had a bunch of kitten’s together, you couldn’t help but stare at how cute they were as they tumbled around played.

“They’re really cute,” Shoto said as he watched them with you.

“They are but kittens are a lot of work and they usually find homes pretty easy. I was thinking we could get an older cat. They need time to adjust but they’re calmer and don’t always find homes.”

“That makes sense.” He said as you walked further down the hallway.

There were plenty of older cats in different colors and sizes. You both stopped to look at each one you passed looking for something to draw you to one of them.

You stopped at one cage, looking at the cat that was currently curled up in the corner looking defensive. It was a scruffy white cat that had a scar over its eye as well as an ear with a piece of it missing. It looked scared.

Instantly you felt attached to the cat.

“Oh that’s one of our newer cats, he’s had a pretty rough life. He’s gonna need a lot of love, that one.” A volunteer mentioned when they saw them looking at the cat. “The previous owner was very abusive, he doesn’t seem to like men.”

“Can we see it?” Shouto said, surprising you. It seemed you were on the same page.

“Normally we’d take you to the rooms we have so people can visit with the cat but in his case, it’d probably be better to take you to him.” They said, leading them to a door.

They took you and Shouto to the other side where you could open the enclosures they had for the cats. They opened the door and let you enter, giving you some treats for the cat.

“Hey there.” You said, kneeling down. Shouto followed your lead.

The cat stared at you nervously.

“It’s okay, do you want a treat?” You said, reaching out and placing a treat in front of it.

He stared at you waiting for you to pull your hand away before it hesitantly leaned forward and ate the treat. It looked less nervous but still wasn’t trusting.

You both spent a few minutes with the cat, slowly feeding it the treats and talking to it. Shouto watched quietly.

Once you were out of treats you went back to the hallway to look at more of the cats. Every cat you saw after you couldn’t help but think back to the scruffy white cat.

When you walked back down the hallway you passed the white cat, pausing to look at it. When it’s blue eyes caught sight of you it left the corner approaching you through the glass that separated you both.

“Sho.” You cooed.

“I want that one.” He replied. You looked over, he hadn’t made any comments about which cat he was interested in yet.

“It won’t be an easy first cat for you, it’ll take time to earn its trust and for him to be comfortable around people, especially men.” You told him. As much as you wanted to help that cat you didn’t want Shouto’s first experience with a pet to be said pet hating him.

“You’re good with cats, you can help him. He deserves to have someone who will be patient and help him. What if no one else will?” He said. “And I can see how much you already love him.”

You smiled at Shouto, eyes tearing up just a little.

“Have I ever told you you’re too good for this world.” You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him in close.

You both went to the front counter and explained which cat you wanted. The volunteers were very helpful, giving some tips to help them make sure he would be as comfortable as possible in his new home.

While they got the cat ready to be sent home, you and Shouto ran to the pet store to pick up everything you would need for your new member of the family. It warmed your heart watching Shouto thoughtfully pick out which toy he thought the cat would like most or what treat flavor he would prefer. Shouto ended up throwing a bunch of variations of everything into the cart saying that he could try them all and decide.

You returned to the animal shelter with a nice carrier for your new cat, handing it over to the workers so they could retrieve him.

Driving home you could tell he was nervous even if he was quietly sitting in the carrier. The carrier sat on your lap as Shouto drove. You softly spoke to him reassuring him that he was going somewhere safe.

“What should we name him?” Shouto asked.

“I’m not sure, the first name that came to mind was Shiro but that’s kind of on the nose.” You said.

“What about Azumi?” Shouto said. “It means safe residence. He’s safe now.”

“That’s really nice, Sho. I love it.” You told him.

Once he was home you did as the volunteers suggested, placing his carrier in the living room and shutting the doors to the rest of the house. You made sure the cat tree you bought was set up along with a cat hide. That let him have places to hide but kept him from disappearing into the house.

They suggested placing the food out in the open and staying in the room doing something quiet and keeping treats with you.

You and Shouto sat on the couch, cuddled together watching TV on a low volume. When you let Azumi out he was quick to hide away in the little cat house provided. It was hard not to stare waiting for him to peek out but you tried your best to act natural and move slowly about the house.

By the end of the night, he made his way slowly to his food bowl eating a little bit before returning to his safe space. That was a win in your book.

It took time, eventually, he was more comfortable being seen by you. He would perch on his cat tree or sit on the couch when no one was in the living room. You opened up more of the house to him as time went on.

The day that you were able to approach Azumi and pet him without him running away Shoto came home to find you crying. At first, he was concerned but once he realized that you weren’t hurt but crying because you were happy he calmed down.  

You were able to bond with the cat but Shoto struggled. It was hard not only because it was his first pet but because Azumi was scared of men. You helped Shoto but it still took time.

Shoto was so patient, he never became frustrated or upset. He didn’t even feel dejected when he found Azumi on your lap when he got home only for him to run off at the sight of Shoto.

You would often come home to Shoto sitting on the floor a few feet away from Azumi with his hand held out holding treats. Shoto would softly speak to him, talking to him about his day.

You already loved Shoto but the way he treated Azumi made you love him more.

It took a long time but one night you had been working late. You came in the door, putting your purse down and taking your coat off. You walked into the living room, the lights were low. Shoto laid on the couch asleep, a stray book had fallen out of his hand.

What made your heart stop was the sight of Azumi resting on Shoto’s chest fast asleep. Shoto’s hand was on top of the cat holding him gently.

It took everything you had not to cry. You snapped a photo before sitting down and watching them. You had a feeling that Azumi was going to be Shoto’s cat more than your own at this point. Shoto stirred in his sleep, eyes opening.

“You’re home.” He said with a soft smile.

“And you have a new friend.” You said.

Shoto sat up keeping Azumi cradled to his chest. The cat didn’t so much as flinch as he did.

“Can we get another cat?” Shoto asked. “I mean if Azumi doesn’t mind.”

“I’d love to.” You said, leaning towards him and pressing a kiss against his lips.

You had a feeling you’d be getting more than just one more cat.

[yandere-daydreams]

Title: Observation.

Word Count: 3.3k

Pairing: Mini!Yandere!OC/Mini!Reader. 

Synopsis: It’s like being the pet of a pet. Shrunken down, trapped, and isolated… There are worse things you could do than keep your head down and try to play happy-family.

TW: Shrinking, Violence, Imprisonment, Gaslighting and Mentions of Kidnapping. 

“It gets better, after a few days.”

His voice was calm, laced with an unidentifiable accent and heavy with a calm, complacent undertone, the kind you’d expect from someone talking to an old friend rather than another hostage. You’d only been awake for an hour or two, but if he was going to panic, he didn’t seem to have any intention of doing so in front of you. Rather, he’d just greeted you and offered an insincere apology before helping you to your feet, spurring you on with promises of tea and explanations, both of which he seemed in no particular rush to provide.

The strangeness of your current state seemed obvious, by now, even if it didn’t really make sense. Your host was normal, a man of few words and tan skin with the barest hints of a spiraling tattoo peeking out from just beneath his sleeves, but he was the only normal thing you’d seen so far. The kitchen table was too low, pushing against the tops of your knees, but your chair was too high, the soles of your feet barely able to touch the ground. The empty vase on the nearest counter was ornate, but plastic, the cheap, overly-decorated sort of thing you’d decorate a playroom with. Most of the cabinets were false, but the few that weren’t contained plates too thick and too wide, cups that were just too small to be held comfortably, silverware that didn’t feel right in your hands. They were tools for toys, faux-commodities for dolls that didn’t need to really use them.

Things for people like you, now.

You crossed your arms on the smooth tabletop, staring down at your hands. Trying to see if anything about you was different, as you spoke. “I don’t know how you can say that.”

“It does,” He assured, making no exceptional attempt to sound any more convincing than he cared to be. “The headache will start to fade with a little sleep, and you get used to making do. We have a lot, but there’s always something missing.” He paused, chucking under his breath, as if the minor inconvenience was his own, personal joke. “I think he does it on purpose. To ‘simulate the difficulties of real-life’, or whatever excuse he wants to use to explain why I’ve been doing laundry by-hand for the past year and a half.”

You stiffened at the mention of your kidnapper, the person who forced you into  their little fucked-up experiment. The details of your abduction were blurry, a nonlinear series of pricks to your arm and nonsensical threats you couldn’t quite remember, but you didn’t push yourself to recall much else. You had a feeling you wouldn’t like anything you managed to dredge up. If someone had the capability to make you into something so small, something so helpless, and the apathy to put you on display like a prized pet… You weren’t sure they’d be nice enough to make the transformation as painless as you’d hope.

“I don’t live here,” You mumbled, more to yourself than to him, although the stranger saw fit to hum in response to the admission. “In this town, I mean. I just moved here for a job - I didn’t even really want to, but I needed the money. They set me up with an apartment and everything.” A kettle whistled, and he nodded sympathetically. He didn’t turn to face you. “I didn’t even get to see it, not before I got… shrunk, or whatever.”

“New faces make the most convenient targets. If no one knows you, no one can look for you. Everyone you used to know is too far to do any good.” You sink into your seat. Somehow, his words of comfort did little to inspire much hope. “I think I was a tourist. I was passing through, stopping at a bar, and then--” He clicked his tongue, waving in some vague, dismissive gesture. “--this.”

You frowned, biting the side of your cheek. “Were you scared?”

At that, he glanced over his shoulder, sending you a loose, careless smile. You attempted to return it as he pulled a mug from the nearest drawer, preparing a still-boiling drink with the idle concentration of someone who’d done this a thousand times before. “At first, but as I said, it gets easier. You never get used to it, but the homesickness fades, and you find ways to keep yourself occupied. The only thing that’s changed is your size.” Your shoulders slumped, your attention quickly drifting back to your own self-pity, but a sturdy hand came to rest on your shoulder before you could start to spiral. “You’re not alone, either. You have me, and we will get you through this. In the meantime, drink.” A mug was delicately placed in front of you, the handle just a little too thick to hold comfortably. “It’ll help with the nausea. You’ll feel better once you clear your head.”

You only leaned back, letting him rub slow, soothing circles into your back as you lifted the mug to your lips and took a sip, if only to see the way his smile seemed to grow.

~

By the sixth day, you’d come to terms with the fact that you were, undoubtedly, in a dollhouse.

The layout was massive, but easy to navigate. The building was split down the middle by a spiraling staircase, the dizzying structure decorated with halls in either direction, all leading to bedrooms or bathrooms or spaces so sickeningly domestic, you’d come to think of the kitchen as a neutral zone. Most were unused. Leon’s (he’d introduced himself properly later on that night, once you were stable enough to ask) bedroom was tucked into a corner of the ground-floor, but there were signs of life everywhere. An empty cup left in an otherwise unoccupied parlor, a book abandoned halfway through, little things, but things Leon didn’t seem like the type to overlook.

The only aspects of the house that hadn’t been tampered with were the industrial-style security cameras, each protected by a metal box and a colorful array of warnings, and one of the spare rooms on the top floor, this one covered floor to ceiling with pastel colors and stuffed animals, things for someone much, much younger than you or the home’s only other occupant. You didn’t try to investigate further. There’d been a camera in that room, too, and if your captor saw you looking around, they might’ve assumed you were curious about...

You’d moved on quickly. That’s all that mattered.

None of the doors had locks, either. You’d only found two so far, a row of deadbolts on the symbolic front-door and a padlock on the basement, both of which seemed to be later additions. Currently, you were lingering near the latter, unsure if you should persist and risk the wrath of your all-seeing voyeur or leave it alone, live to dwell in paranoid anxiety for another day. A part of you was scared, honestly. Nothing else had to be locked away, hidden behind a bolted door, and if there was something you weren’t supposed to see, you weren’t sure you wanted to. If it was Leon’s secret, you couldn’t--

You never got to reach a conclusion. Without warning, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against a broad chest and pretending not to notice how quickly you went rigid. There was a laugh, a playful squeeze to your hip, and just as quickly as you were restrained, you were let go, forced to turn around and meet the dark eyes of your only companion. Leon was like he always was, cheerful and much too enthusiastic, despite neither emotion having an obvious motivation. Still, you fell into it quickly, attempting to mirror his joy. It was the least you could do, considering how kind he’d been, over the past few days. “I didn’t realize you were up,” He explained. “It’s still strange to have another person here. I wasn’t--”

Suddenly, he stopped, pursing his lips and scanning over you. His eyes never managed to rise above your neckline, though. “What do you think you’re wearing?”

It took you a moment to process the question. There was a closet full of clothes in the room you’d picked out, but you’d managed to avoid them, so far. Every piece was stiff, unyielding to shame or preferences, and the color scheme was akin to something you’d see in an ancient sitcom. It was a futile progression to dread, and yet, you planned on putting it off for as long as possible.

Judging by Leon’s expression, ‘as long as possible’ wasn’t for much longer.

“I didn’t want to change,” You admitted, a hand absentmindedly drifting to your wrinkled shirt, smoothing over the thin fabric. “It just feels… I didn’t want to, alright? Is something wrong with that?”

That earned a scowl. It took more self-restraint than it should’ve not to step back. “I left something out for you.”

You’d woken up to a pale-pink monstrosity laid out on the foot of your bed, still on a hanger. It’d been disregarded without a second thought. “I didn’t realize,” You mumbled, bowing your head just enough to seem apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would be a big deal… Does it matter?”

His scowl deepened, grew, but just as quickly as it’d come, Leon found a way so cover it up. It was there, but a second later, it wasn’t, an expression of disappointed sympathy sewing itself seamlessly into his features. With a gentle, patronizing sigh, he pulled you into another hug, choosing once again to ignore the gesture’s one-sided nature. “It does, angel, but we’ll make an exception this time, alright? When I do something thoughtful, you’re supposed to show me you appreciate it. That’s how this is supposed to work.”

You opened your mouth, thinking for a moment before closing it again. Suddenly, you were glad he couldn’t see your face. The concern slowly infecting it would’ve been… worrying, and you weren’t sure if you could think of an unimportant agitation to explain it away. “The basement,” You said, instead. “Do you have the key?”

“Don’t ask silly questions.” Leon pulled back, tapping the tip of your nose with his index finger. “Hopefully, that door will stay locked. I don’t see a reason either of us should have to go someplace so unpleasant.”

You nodded, and Leon took you by the hand, wordlessly guiding you back towards the center of the house, towards the spiraling staircase and towards your bedroom, where his selected outfit was still waiting, sprawled out over your comforter.

This time, you didn’t argue when he told you to put it on.

~

He waited three weeks to start sleeping in your bed.

It might’ve been an impulsive decision, on his part. It felt impulsive to you. One moment, you were huddled underneath thin sheets, just beginning to close your eyes and welcome the darkness, and the next you were wide awake, terrified and paralyzed as your mattress dipped, creaking as Leon moved onto it. If he cared that you were awake, he didn’t make an effort to show it, only sliding under your sheets and throwing an arm over your waist, holding you with a practiced intimacy, an undeserved intimacy. The kind of closeness you didn’t want any part in.

“Leon,” You mumbled, much too quietly to be taken seriously. As if there was anyone else you should be afraid of waking up. “Are you alright? Why--”

“Hush, now.” His voice was low, but not tired. Perfectly awake. Perfectly aware. More of a half-hearted threat and a command made out of fatigued necessity. “Sleep, sweetheart. Don’t ask questions.”

He closed his eyes, his forehead coming to rest against the nape of your neck. You didn’t.

~

“I see you're fond of your new companion”

Elias didn’t make an effort to pose the sentiment gently. He seemed bored, if anything, his chin resting on his fist as he stared down at you and Leon, seemingly numb to the oddity of talking to two people that barely measured up to his thumb. He’d been generous enough to let out of the dollhouse for - as Leon affectionately put it -  the ‘monthly check-in’, or… onto the table it rested on, at least.

It was disorienting, seeing the space that surrounded your world, all bare walls and scientific instruments you couldn’t identify, sterile but cluttered, like an unused room in a very lived-in home. Elias was nothing special, either, not the ominous, foreboding figure you’d imagined. He seemed average, if anything, a pair of black glasses and a head of unruly hair making for a rather unimposing figure. A captor, but not an intimidating one. A man with a hobby that just so happened to need a few unwilling volunteers.

Of course, that didn’t stop you from shrinking into Leon’s side when his gaze shifted towards you.

“They’re good company,” Leon answered, his composure never wavering. Why would it? He’d done this a thousand times before, and as far as you knew, he and Elias got along. As well as a captor and their captive could, anyway. “To tell the truth, I’m starting to think I’ve been here too long. I was almost glad this one wasn’t so stubborn, after last time.”

You felt your throat go dry. “Last time?”

“I don’t want to have to deal with another incident,” Elias warned, brushing off your question as if it’d never been asked. “You got along with your other roommates too, at first. Everything’s wonderful and terrific and perfect, until I come to check on you and find one less participant than I should.” He pursed his lips, shaking his head as he let out a noise of frustration. “I can move (Y/n) to another enclosure if this isn’t going to work. I don’t want to lose resources because you don’t get along with them.”

Leon gasped, pressing a palm to his heart in a show of betrayal. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to make a joke or distract you from the topic at hand. “I’ve never done anything that wasn’t necessary. You told me to take care of my home, and I am. I shouldn’t have to suffer because you have poor taste.” Elias rolled his eyes, and Leon laughed, slumping against you, intertwining his fingers with yours mindlessly. “You picked a timid one, and they’re coming along nicely. I don’t plan to waste such a rare opportunity.”

“Are you sure?” Elias asked, leaning back in his chair and fishing for something on the floor at his feet. A notepad, but you couldn’t make out what was written on it. “I’d hate to disagree, but your track-record says otherwise. I’m patient, but I do have my limits, Leon.” 

He glanced towards you for the first time since the start of their conversation, keeping you in the corner of his eye. “(Y/n)’s going to behave.”

You didn’t know whether or not you should correct him.

~

You should’ve corrected him.

“No,” You spat, not bothering to hide your disgust. It was a terrible feeling, a vile sense of wrong, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be surprised. Everything about Leon was telling, from the grimace pressed into his lips to the anger in his eyes, bright and fiery and terrible. Unconsciously, you pressed yourself against the tiled wall, gripping your towel a little tighter. It was the only barrier between him and you, and by god, you weren’t going to give it up. “Get away from me. Don’t touch me.”

“You’re being irrational,” He said, crossing his arms and taking a step closer. You considered making a run for the bathroom door, but you doubted you’d be able to reach it before he reacted, catching you and doing something worse than staring you down. “Couples bathe together. It’s normal, you’re just--”

“We’re not a couple!” It was the first time you’d yelled at him, the first time you raised your voice, and Leon didn’t try to hide his offense. He edged closer, but you were quick to press yourself against the wall, to bare your teeth and try to make it clear he couldn’t intimidate you just by existing. Not again. “We’re captives. We were kidnapped, I was kidnapped, you were kidnapped. You can’t keep acting like this is normal, and you can’t expect me to. I’m not just going to sit back and play nice while you--”

“I don’t think I like your tone,” He warned, his eyes narrowing. The shower was still running, hot steam beginning to fill the room, but Leon didn’t seem to feel the need to turn it off. You’d barely had time to cover yourself before he came in, your hair and your skin still dripping, but you were glad you had. If only to protect the few traces of dignity you had left. “Stop,” He ordered, grimly. “You’re going to say something you regret.”

That was your sign to back down. That you should give him what he wanted, or at the very least, do your damnedest to make sure you weren’t the reason he didn’t get it. When he stopped trying to patronize you, it meant he was mad. And when he was mad…

You tried not to think about what happened when Leon got mad.

You should’ve backed down, but you didn’t. You didn’t want to let him have his way. “You don’t even want to get out of here, do you?”

Grit teeth. A locked jaw. Your second warning. “You shouldn’t--”

“I shouldn’t ask questions?” You cut him off without hesitation. “What do you not want me to ask? What are you so scared of my finding out? That you like feeling powerful? That you want to be in control? You can’t lie to me, I’m the one that has to deal with you. All your rules and your comfort and your fucking clothes.” You forced yourself to stop, to take a breath and seek out the same composure Leon was so good at maintaining. He took the chance to make his argument.

“You’ve been here for a month, I’ve been here for nineteen. You don’t know what it’s like when Elias doesn’t get his way. You haven’t had to deal with that because I’m helping you.” Another step. He was practically breathing down your throat, now. “You should be grateful.”

But, you didn’t want to be grateful. You wanted Leon to stop acting like you should be.

You swallowed, letting the silence grow tense before you broke it. “Someone was here before me.” He made no move to interrupt. You persisted. “What happened last time?”

He flinched, and made no attempt to hide it. You didn’t need another warning.

You lunged to the side, aiming blindly for the door, a weapon, anything that could help you escape or fight or act. Leon was faster than you, though, and much more practiced. A fist closed around your shoulder, blunt nails tearing into your skin, and just as swiftly, a heel found its way to the back of your knee, sending you crashing to the ground, something in your ankle cracking as you collapsed. You were slammed into the unforgiving floor, your cheek soon pressed against the cool surface and Leon’s body bent around yours, his weight and his strength keeping you pinned down. Weakly, you tried to push yourself up, but Leon only growled, his resolve strengthened and his grip iron-clad. There was nothing you could do to squirm away, not unless he had a sudden change of heart

“Bitch,” He spat, letting out a string of less specific profanities under his breath. “I took care of you. I kept you safe. All you had to do was let me.”

You didn’t respond. Leon sighed, but his hold on you never loosened.

“You still want to know what happened, don’t you?” He sounded defeated, exhausted, but that didn’t stop him from kissing your shoulder as you struggled to nod, the gesture both fleeting and far too prolonged, at the same time. He pulled back, but didn’t let you go, only scanning over you with the same tight, loving smile he always wore when he was about to do something awful.

You’d never thought that smile would make you feel so sick.

“You’re about to find out, angel.”  

[elfboyeros]

It Feels Oddly Domestic

Just a far warning there are going to be implied suicidal thoughts through the some of these little stories. I apologize if that tiggers or offended anyone I will put warnings at the beginnings of my stories if that is the cause!

Read the First Part

⚠️ Implied suicidal thoughts⚠️

“Mx. Paris there are other avenues that we could take.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the obvious one is to sue Callisto Merripen A.K.A Earthly Chaos,”

“Oh, come on you wouldn’t do that would you Cordelia?!”

“I don’t know!”

It seemed so outlandish, the idea of pro-hero suing another pro-hero. Especially when it appeared to be a horrible accident. Although the legal avenue for Cordelia to sue Callisto are more then sound.

“GAH, I don’t know what to do,” Cordelia huffed while in the shower, “I mean it does and doesn’t seem like a bad idea at the same.”

They turned off the shower tap, wrapping themselves in a towel and stepping out of the shower, “don’t fall again dumbass,” they muttered to themselves, “the last thing you need to do is all Aizawa or Hawks again to help you off the bathroom floor.”

They continue to think over the possible of suing the pro-hero that left them dying in the street, becoming more frustrated as the paced in their apartment, in an extra-large hoodie and boy shorts.

“Meow.”

Cordelia turned to their bed seeing the fluffy gray cat sprawled out within a pile of blankets, “good day, Aphrodite,” they said with a smile going to pet the animal, “maybe I should talk to someone…”

“Meow.”

“Thanks Aphrodite.”

Hawks was the first person they thought of talking to. He now the situation in and out he would give them advice.

Hey, I need someone to talk

Cordelia didn’t expect him to respond right away so they went to clean the bathroom to keep their mind of the choices they had to make. Although an hour and a half later they check their phone again.

[read] 4:23 p.m.

They frowned, knowing he was working. Although they wanted to be selfish this once. The possibly of making the wrong decision was eating them alive. They looked at the message list, Aizawa was under Hawks, the pro-hero 10 years their senior be the last person they texted. He had wished them luck in the meeting were the topic of suing Callisto came up.

“I can’t, he’s busy, it’s a weekday.”

Although they wanted to be selfish just this once.

Shota, do you got time to talk

It took less than a minute to get a response:

Is something wrong

Not extremely serious, but some stuff happened at the meeting today and I need advice.

If you’re busy its okay!

Do you want to do it over the phone, or in person

The fact that he had picked on how they like to discuss serious topics made them feel warm inside.

I would like to do it in person but this isn’t really about what I want

It actually is

Give me time to get there  

🙏I’m in your debt

Your not, just provide me dinner

What would you like

It doesn’t matter if it’s food

Yaki Udon?

👍

 Cordelia smiled, heading to the kitchen to begin cooking while Aphrodite played with toy in the background. It felt almost domestic, making Aizawa dinner as he was returning from the school. He’s coming home if you will.

“Cupid, stop being an idiot,” they sighed, blushing, “he’s coming over to talk to you because you asked, this isn’t his home.”

Did Codelia Paris have feelings for Shota Aizawa, yes, Could it be because he was being he was being kind, possibly. Although the B.M.I Hero Fat Gum was kind to the young adult since the day they met, and they had no feelings for the 29-year-old doughboy. No, they had feelings for the 30-year-old tired teacher. But Aizawa wouldn’t have feelings for them, he was 10 years their senior and it’s not like he saw them as nothing, but a young pro and a possible friend.

“And know I’m thinking about Hawks,” Cordelia huffed.

The winged hero, that birdbitch, also had a place in Cordelia’s heart and out of the two men that Cordelia wanted to be with Hawks seemed more realistic, although that doesn’t get rid of the feelings for Aizawa.

A knock at their front door, made the jump, pulling them out of their thoughts, “it’s open!”

The door behind them opened, heavy and tired footsteps entering their apartment, “you shouldn’t leave your door unlock and answer it like that,” Aizawa stated, softly as he removed his shoes.

Aphrodite had waddled her way for to the cat lover, enjoying him picking her up and holding her like a baby, “I knew it was you,” Cordelia replied, back turn toward him.

“And what if I was a murderer, or something, huh,” Aizawa posed.

Cordelia chuckled, turning around and leaning against the stove, “you think I can cheat death a second time?”

Aizawa looked at them for a second, tired, upset, and depressed, but still trying to make jokes. Just like in the hospital a month and a half ago, “don’t talk like that.”

“You brought up, buddy,” they retorted as the would out bowels and utensils.

Dinner was state in front of them at the little circular table in the corner of Cordelia’s kitchen area. The element of sitting across from each other and eating dinner felt so domestic.

“So, what’s wrong,” Aizawa asked.

Cordelia sighed, “My lawyer said I could sue Callisto.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, granted no in the room looked happy with that opinion.”

“You say that as if you have other opinions.”

“I kinda do,” they sighed again, “I could ask for a public apology, which means the actual story gets out and a ruin a young man’s career. He could give me a small about of money, under the table as an apology. Or do nothing!”

“Jesus.”

“I was told that if I sue, meaning I could get both the money and the apology, but the Hero Commission pulled me aside after and said that was a horrible idea, and would have the wrong outcome for everyone,” Cordelia explained, “but I don’t see how that possible.”

“So, they don’t want you to do anything,” Aizawa remarked as a question.

“Basically, but right now my reputation is in shambles give the cover up job that they did,” Aizawa was silence for a moment, “what would you do Shota?”

“If it were me… I would do nothing,” he replied, “it seems like more trouble than it’s worth, but I’m not you.”

“I just want the people to know what really happened! I don’t care about the money,” Cordelia replied, getting up to place their bowl in the sink, “so I guess I’ll just ask for the public apology, I just don’t know what the right thing would be.”

“I can’t make the decision for me, Cordelia,” Aizawa remarked placing his bowl in the sink beside theirs.

“I know, I’m not asking you to make the decision,” Cordelia sighed, back leaning against the sink with their arms folded against their chest, “I just… I don’t… gah! It shouldn’t be this difficult to make this decision! And of course, I’m the one making it so difficult!”

“You are making it a bit difficult,” Aizawa chuckled, leaning against the arm of the couch.

“I guess I’m just worry about what people are going to think,” Cordelia huffed, “my brain is still stuck in my freshman of high school phase, I guess.”

“and I’m assuming that bad.”

Cordelia nodded, “a bit,” they muttered, “I was a people pleaser and worried about what everyone thought of me, stuff like that.”

“Sound horrible,” Aizawa joked.

“yeah,” they chuckled, moving to sit on the couch.

Aizawa soon followed, Cordelia scrunched up on one couch cushion at one end and the Eraser hero at the other end, “why did you want to please everyone,” he asked.

“I wanted people to like me,” they replied simply, “I wasn’t the rocking bombshell that I am now. I was a nerdy, chubby, kid in America with shitty parents. I was bully through out my American education career. When I got tired of it all, I made it so people would at least tolerate me so I wouldn’t be so alone.”

“So, what happened when you got to U.A.?”

“People were nicer. I found actual friends. Getting to meet Fat Gum and get chances to have a social life where I could be myself, helped me a lot” they explained, “and hey, I even lost a bit of weight.”

Aizawa rolled his eyes at the comment of their weight, which Cordelia didn’t notice, “I feel like since the accident I'm falling backwards,” they added, “as if I'm trying to keep those around me from leaving because “I’ve done something wrong." I know it's not true, but that want a part of my brain believes."

Aizawa was silence listening to them, which was him being polite although, of course, Cordelia’s brain take that way, “I’m sorry for rambling.”

“It’s alright,” he replied, looking at them scrunched up on their own couch, “you can relax, Cordelia.”

“Then my feet would be in your lap.”

“Okay?”

“That’s your personal space,” they replied.

“and I’m in your home,” he added.

“I’m not putting my feet in your lap.”

“Too bad,” he huffed, pull at their feet, laying out their legs landing their feet in his lap.

It feels unbelievably domestic!

“Whatever… so tell me about yourself, Mr. Aizawa!”

He rolls his eyes, telling Cordelia very little about his younger ages, only because he didn’t feel like reliving his trauma at the moment. He spoke a lot about his time as a teacher, very little on his actual self.

“Come on, Shota, you gotta give me facts about yourself,” Cordelia chuckled.

“I mean there isn’t much,” Aizawa replied.

“Come on,” they groaned, “there’s no secret talent, or anything like that?!”

“Well... I can tap dance,” he answered.

“WHAT REALLY!”

Cordelia shot up, “dear god you are tell the truth,” they laughed, “THAT’S AMAZING,” they yelled falling back on the couch laughing.

Outside a center winged-hero was flying through the night sky, soaring to a center apartment. It’s not that he was ignoring Cordelia’s text, he was busy. Although the fact that he didn’t get a respond from them had him a bit worried.

“Come on, songbird, be okay,” he muttered.

Hawks landed on their balcony wall; he could see the light were on before he landed. Once he looked inside gave him the answer on why they didn’t respond to his text messages.  They were talking to 1-A teacher.

“Shota Aizawa,” Hawks muttered, “you keep stealing my thunder.”

Hawks looked down at his phone, opened on his messages with Cordelia.

Whatcha need Cupid

Songbird?

??

I’m sorry I was busy

I’m Flying by if you still need to talk

Cordelia please answer me!

[Delivered] 7:05 p.m.

Cordelia to him was a friend and had been a friend since they had started being a pro. He had someone to flirt with that would flirt back, someone to joke with, someone to feel at peace with when near them. Although since the accident he knew that Cordelia wasn’t doing great, and the red winged hero was trying his hardest to be support, but granted he was never good at that.

Hawks’ eyes fell to the cat sitting, inside, in front of the siding door, giving her a little wave before leaving, “have fun songbird.”

“MEOW!”

Aizawa and Cordelia looked over at Aphrodite, who sat in front of the balcony, “You want out stupid,” Cordelia asked, getting off the couch.

“Don’t call her stupid,” Aizawa chuckled, watching the beaten hero walked to the door.

“Maybe she’d be called smart if she figured out how to open the door,” they joked, petting the top of Aphrodite’s head, before siding the door open and swiftly shutting it and turning back seeing Aizawa off the couch, “leaving?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, have a stay trip back to the school,” Cordelia replied, “and thank you for doing this, I’ll make it up somehow.”

“You don’t have to make anything up,” he replied.

“Maybe I could help you grade or train the kids,” Cordelia proposed.

“That’s not a bad idea,” Aizawa chuckled.

Cordelia smiled somberly, the tried teacher could tell something was wrong. Not like if he left something would happen, but just that they didn’t want him to leave, they didn’t want to be alone. He could tell by the smile and the look in their eyes.

“Please text me or call me if you need anything,” he added softly, “I’ll be here as soon as I can.”

“I know,” Cordelia remarked, “now go, Eri probably want you to read her a bedtime story.”

That confirmed from him, that they didn’t want him to leave, and that broke his heart.

“Goodnight, Cupid,” he remarked, reaching for the door.

“Goodnight, Sho,” they giggled.

Once he left things didn’t feel so domestic anymore, they unbelievably felt sad and cold.

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

A Pie for Help || Chloe and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: Kaden’s Apartment PARTIES: @chloeinbetween and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Chloe visits Kaden for a baking lesson.  CONTENT WARNINGS: emotional abuse references, domestic abuse, terminal illness mention

More and more it felt like Kaden’s kitchen was the most used space in his apartment. And at this point, mabe the most visited, too. And if Abel’s barking was any indication, the kitchen was about to get another new visitor. One he didn’t know quite so well as some of the others. Kaden shushed the dog as he made it to the handle, attempting to quiet him down before letting anyone in. “Hey,” he said, swinging the door open and holding back Abel behind his legs. Looking at Chloe, something struck him. Putain. “Uh, hope you’re not afraid of dogs. I can crate him if you are. I’m sorry I didn’t check.” He really should have mentioned. Fuck. He wasn’t a stranger to causing awkward situations, but he’d really hoped he could avoid one right off the bat.

Chloe checked Kaden’s message three times before building up the courage to walk up to his door. Holding her iron necklace pendant tightly in one hand, Chloe raised her other to knock. She jumped high as a cat when out of nowhere, a dog barked. It was that slightly wide-eyed, hair-on-end look that Kaden was greeted with when he opened the door. “Hi,” Chloe squeaked. The tension trickled out of her like a faulty faucet as she looked at the big fluffy black dog behind Kaden’s legs. “Um, no?” She replied uncertainly. “As long as he doesn’t have wings.” She smiled wryly. “Who, um, what’s his name?”

One look at her wide eyes and Kaden was prepared to bring Abel straight to his crate. He’d seen that look of fear many times before in his job. As much as he loved dogs and animals and had a hard time being afraid of them, he understood for the most part. The teeth and claws, the unpredictability if you were unfamiliar with animals, there was reason for fear. Chloe had a lot of reasons for fear. He was hoping he could avoid those today. Keep today normal and easy. “Oh, okay good. You looked-- I never want to just assume since he can look a little, uh, you know, he’s bigger which some people--” Kaden really needed to stop talking. Thank god she cracked a joke. “No wings, as you can see,” he said with a half smile. “This is Abel. He’s very friendly. Big fan of treats.” He led her in and shut the door before quickly grabbing a small treat from a bag on the counter. “Here, make a new friend,” he said, handing the treat to her to give the dog.

“Oh! Um, yeah, sure,” Chloe said. The bones of Chloe’s knees clicked as she knelt down. It occurred to her a little too late that maybe this was a bad idea: getting up again might be a bit of a pain. Extending her hand with the treat on her palm, she let Abel snuffle her. Abel was surprisingly gently in plucking the treat off her hand before gulping down the biscuit. He licked the crumbs from Chloe’s hand. Smiling, she gently scratched under his chin, bringing her hand round to his ear. Abel enthusiastically leant into the scritches, his tailing thwipping across the floor. Chloe had no idea how big the grin on her face was until she suddenly remembered that Kaden was there, and that she couldn’t just spend all her time stroking Abel’s back. Even if Abel himself seemed to disagree with that theory. She slowly struggled back to her feet, clutching the counter as standing up made her a little dizzy. “He’s really cute. Bigger than most dogs. Um. So much fluff.”

Kaden leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, watching as Chloe crouched on the floor to be with the dog. He couldn’t keep the stupid smile off his face. He knew Abel was a good boy who loved meeting new people, but it was always nice to watch when others lit up around an animal. There was nothing like it. Hell, it was the part of his job that always brought him joy. A lot of it was difficult and turbulent, but helping pets reunite with owners or find a new forever home was worth all of it. “He likes you,” he said, still beaming. She wobbled and he reached out to help steady her, arm out in case she needed to lean on him. “You good?” he asked. “But yeah, I got him to be a hunting dog. He’s rotten at it, really. Runs away at the first sign of trouble but he’s still a great dog.” That wasn’t entirely true, though. Abel didn’t run when Kaden was truly in trouble. He saved him. A few times now. A pit dropped in his stomach at the memory. Deep breath. Pushed it away. “Kitchen’s this way,” he said and waved her over. “Uh, so I got all the ingredients out. And I have a few filling options we can do. I wasn’t sure what you liked. And I figured you should call the shots here.”

“It's a good thing I don't have to be good at conversation with dogs,” Chloe said with a nervous chuckle. His smile made hers all the wider, although her cheeks blushed red, embarrassed that this had been the ice breaker and that her communication had been so weak until now. She paused, waiting for the dizziness to fade to a manageable level before answering his question. “Yeah, I'm good,” her smile wavered. Chloe wasn't going to focus on the ache in her head or the wool behind her eyes now. Now was about chasing a simple kind of happiness. Making for the sake of making, rather than the sake of being good. “I think that makes him a smart dog,” Chloe said, ruffling Abel’s furs once more before following Kaden through to the kitchen. “Honestly, I'm open to experimenting. Apart from the pie you made me, it's been so long since I've had pie I kind of don't want to hold myself to any ... pie standards? Is that a thing? Apple, cherry, pumpkin, pecan, anything like that would be great. My taste buds have changed in the last few years, so ... happy to try more things.”

“Part of what makes animals great, if you ask me,” Kaden replied. They were much easier than people most days. Certainly easier than the supernatural anything. His brow pulled together for a second as he saw her blush. He couldn’t figure out what she was embarrassed about. Fuck, was he doing something to make her uncomfortable already? He tried to continue to offer her a hopeful smile, even as she seemed to pass on taking his hand for help. “Yeah, yeah. Smarter than his owner, surely.” Kaden swung the fridge door open and started pulling out the butter. “So I figure I’d show you how to start a puff pastry but it takes forever so I have some dough ready to go, too. You know, for the actual pie. Unless you know, you want to take the two hours minimum to prepare it. Which, uh, you can. There’s no rush but it’s a long time, you know and…” Kaden placed the butter on the reached back and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, anyway, I was thinking maybe we could make a tarte tatin. It’s apple. If you want. Less chance for decorating the top of the pie with the crust since it’s made upside down, but you can cut the fruit pretty. Up to you.”

“I don’t know, his owner strikes me as a pretty decent human- person,” Chloe replied quietly, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs to take the weight off her legs. Building up strength muscle by muscle where it was possible, but also making sure she was getting enough rest. Her physio would be proud, Chloe supposed drily as she watched Kaden pull the butter out of the fridge. “Oh, wow, this is really like daytime tv, huh? Here’s one we prepared earlier,” Chloe imitated the voice of some bubbly daytime presenter, holding up her hands as if she was offering Kaden a tray. Her smile did become more genuine as he told her the plan, looking over the counter. “Sounds good,” she replied, not realising how automatic and robotic her voice sounded. She was too used to telling people yes. “Cutting the fruit pretty sounds like a plan. Anything you think would work, as long as I can take the occasional rest break.”

“His owner tries, I guess,” Kaden said with a shrug. He wasn’t going to let his heart sink or his head dive straight into doubt as it was prone to lately. Today was certainly not about him or his bullshit. And if he could be a decent person for Chloe, maybe that was worth being. Let her keep the illusion, at least. Still he had to flash a smile at her jokes. “Right, yeah. Just call me…” Kaden couldn’t name a single daytime television chef. “Uhh, is Paula Deen one of those? Ari told me about her. I, uh, realized I have no idea.” The physical toll the whole ordeal took on her simply hadn’t occurred to him. He wasn’t sure why. Actually no, he could figure. There was just so much to unpack that sometimes things got left in the box up until they were right in front of you. “You know I can grab you a barstool if you want and you can work that way. No shame. This isn’t retail or something where you have to stand for eight hours.” Or anything worse. He flashed her a smile as he prepped the counter with flour. “Apple tarte tatin it is, then,” he said as he pulled out the apples and started lining them up to wash and peel them. It was then it  struck him that he was calling every shot. Fucking hell, that didn’t sit well. He turned and leaned against the counter, arms crossed in front of him as he faced her. “Wait. No. I’m making you make a decision. This is your pie. What do you want? Pie crust on top or no top? Let’s start there.”

“Ha, yes, Paula Deen, but even you don’t have quite the hair to match her,” Chloe chuckled. She looked up at his offer, hesitating for a second, shrinking into her chest before nodding quietly. “Yeah, a barstool is probably easier, actually,” she admitted quietly. “I won’t need it the whole time or anything.” Chloe smiled gratefully. Then promptly froze like a deer in headlight at his question, casually posed as he turned to her.

“Um….” Chloe stared at him, trying to remember what he’d just said about tarte tatin. Was it that there wasn’t a pie crust at all? Was it that because it was made upside down there wasn’t as much to do with a top pie crust? The question, like it or not, felt like a test, and all of Kaden’s goodwill might vanish in a second. On the other hand, if she didn’t answer at all, she might end up delaying the whole process. Maybe Kaden wanted her in and out as soon as possible, which was why he’d premade the pie crust anyway. Maybe he was hoping she would choose the least work. Maybe it would insult Kaden if she didn’t make a decision. She didn’t know anything about French culture, maybe he would be offended if she didn’t already know what the right answer was, or if she didn’t have an answer at all. Chloe looked down at Abel, who was casually sprawled on the floor, watching the both of them curiously and hoping one of them might drop a treat by accident. Abel, it seemed, did not have the answer either. Several seconds had passed since Kaden had asked the question. “Um. Pie crust on top? Yeah. Let’s… let’s go with that.”

“Right, note-- Wait. Did you just insult my hair?” Kaden said, turning to her. “That’s not very nice,” he started, holding back some laughter as he feigned hurt. “You might give me a complex or something.” He really hoped she caught on to the joke. Things didn't need to be more awkward, that was for sure. Still he went around to the other side of the kitchen and pulled in a barstool for her, placing it next to the counter.

For a second, Kaden wondered if he made a mistake. Was this too much pressure? Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed it. He breathed a sigh of relief as soon as she made one whole choice. It didn’t even matter what she picked, he was just happy she chose something and a smile broke out on his face. “Crust on top it is. We can attempt to make it pretty if we want but I make no guarantees on it turning out that way.” He gave her a small shrug and added, “still, might be fun to try.” He started placing butter and flour next to what he had set up as her station. “Fruit is all up to you, too. Or nuts if you want. I have just about everything.” Partially because he practically had a pie making assembly line at this point but mostly because he wanted to make this as nice as possible. Not that he wanted to let onto that. No need to overwhelm her with how ridiculously prepared he was. “Unless you don’t want to decide. We can stick with apple, of course. This is your lesson so whatever you want.”

“No, I would never,” Chloe laughed, pulling up a picture of Paula Deen to show him her silver fox luscious locks, sure he would agree that while he had great hair, he did not have Paula Deen hair. She smiled gratefully, the words of gratitude catching in her throat once more as she shifted into the barstool, leaning her elbows onto the counter.

As soon as she answered, she was watching for his reaction. Reading into the smile, the soft sigh of relief, like it might be revealed as a grimace of frustration if she just noticed the right twitch of a muscle, some clue to reveal his real opinion. But the smile looked genuine enough, so she relaxed a little as he started handing her ingredients. “Let’s… let’s not push this too far,” she said quietly as he started to ask her another question, the feeling of having to make yet another decision terrifying. “Apple sounds like a safe bet, and it would be… it would be cool to do a little bit of a cool pattern with the apples. Do you… do you make a lot of pies? You have so much… stuff available.”

Kaden glanced down at her phone with some skepticism. “Alright fine, point made. I don’t spend that much time on my hair, you’re right,” he said with a small scoff. Not that he’d admit to just about anyone how much time he actually did spend on it. Or how much money. “Fair enough. Let’s stick with the apple in that case. I agree, it’s pretty hard to go wrong with them,” he said, offering her another smile as he set up to get the apples ready to go. “Fruit’s already sweet, you know. So you don’t have to worry too much about really screwing it up. Sort of can let good fruit do the work for you. I mean not that there’s no work, uh, but you know what I mean.” Putain. He realized he was probably talking too much about nothing for no reason. She’d agreed with him and here he was rambling about fruit. He let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck again. “Oh, uh, yeah I end up making a lot more than I ever thought I would, that’s for sure. But baking is good for stress relief, passing the time, all that. So I make a lot of pies in this town.” His smile wasn’t as full this time, try though he might to make it otherwise. “Anyway, we won’t have any pie if we don’t cut fruit or make some dough. So what do you say?”

“Right. The fruit’s sweet. Don’t need to put too much extra special effort in, got it.” Chloe matched his awkward smile with another, even more awkward one of hers. It didn’t seem possible, really. This didn’t feel like reality, more like a feverish dream that was maybe what her dying body was clinging to in its deathbed. Making pies with the man who Lydia had hated more than anything else, it was just the kind of thing that a dying brain might invent. Although Chloe hoped that if this was the imaginations of a brain trying to escape the horrors of its demise, it might make her less awkward. “Maybe let’s… start with the dough. Is that sensible? Or the apples will brown before we get everything assembled… although I guess you have lemon juice, which would solve the problem of browning entirely, which you probably thought about before I did, so….” Chloe swallowed down her nervous flurry, rubbing the back of her head. “I’m trying really, really hard not to be like this, you know,” she admitted quietly.

Kaden wanted his smile to reach his eyes, really did. But he knew Chloe hadn’t been in control of damn near anything for years now. The last thing he wanted to do was to shout out orders or take away any more of her choice. At the same time, there was no denying that she was struggling to make any decisions. He supposed that made sense but it was still hard to reconcile. “It’s a pie, not a rocket. There is some room for error here. Breathe.” He handed her a bowl and slid the flour and butter towards her. “You made a good point, though. Let’s start with the dough. Plus, it’s pretty fun to use the pastry blender.” He leaned into the counter with his side and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You can be however you need to be though. Really. I’m, uh, the whole…” He sighed and dropped his hands back to his side before pushing his hair back out of his face. “Look I clearly don’t know how the hell to act normal either. Don’t worry about it.”

Chloe nodded, taking a deep breath. A pie, not rocket science. A hunter, not a fae, and this was for fun, not out of the expectation of perfection. That last thought hit her the hardest. Chloe looked up at Kaden and made herself meet his eyes. “I appreciate that. I really do.”

“I remember how charismatic I used to be and how easy I used to find social interactions and… it’s really hard to not make those comparisons. Everyone says these things take time,” which was the one thing Chloe didn’t have, “but I guess I’m a bit too perfectionistic now. Anyway.” She started to combine the flour and butter carefully with her finger tips, following Kaden’s instructions. It was laughable that Kaden could be considered as awkward, not when he was so many good things. Chloe just straight up didn’t believe him.

Kaden listened and gave her a small nod before working on his own dough. He barely had to think about what he was doing at this point, it was second nature by now. Still he should slow down, he was trying to teach her, right? Putain. “I know it’s not the same, but I used to be pretty different, too. Before moving here and--- Just before,” he said, keeping his eyes pinned to the counter, focus on the ingredients combining to make the dough. Something out of nothing. It wasn’t magic like what a spellcaster could do, it was far from supernatural, thankfully, but it had its own magic. “I try not to compare. It’s pointless. And just, I don’t know. It feels bad. So I don’t.” Kaden gave a small shrug before leaning a little more into the dough, maybe more aggressively than he needed to. Pausing, he looked over at what she had started on. “So far so good. Make sure the butter isn’t clumped,” he said, small smile and pointing out the one spot. “No one was ever perfect on a first try. If ever. And you’re still pretty charismatic. Definitely endearing. At the very least.” This time the smile he flashed was wider, warmer. The fact she was still able to hold up and joke after everything she went through? Definitely endearing.

“That’s hard to imagine. I figured you would have been doing the hunting thing for a while with the whole being an expert thing,” Chloe replied quietly, slowly working the dough over in her hands, trying not to overheat the butter between her fingers. She watched Kaden, trying to copy how he did it, as much as anyone could. “I’ve spent the last four years having to be the most perfect at something I’m capable of being,” Chloe admitted below her breath, “I know it was all her, but it’s just… part of me now. Still trying to be better at things. A better version of me.” Previously, more acceptable to let live. Now just more likeable. Definitely different stakes, but the mindset was still the same. She nodded, fixing the issue he’d pointed out and looking around the rest of the dough for more clumped butter. “Oh, trust me I know. And… glad you think I’m endearing, I guess? I think that’s not the word most people would use.”

“Yeah,” Kaden answered, voice small, “I have.” That was the problem. That’s all he’d done. And he wasn’t sure-- He paused. Inhaled deeply. He was baking. The kitchen was off limits for bullshit thoughts about his bullshit life. He’d decided that at some point in this stretch while Regan had been in her cabin. Morgan very rarely let that rule stand while they were baking, but he had control right now. No bullshit thoughts right now. Just baking. “Just trust me. I never would have done shit like this a year ago. I can’t remember the last time I lived in one place this long, to be honest with you.” He listened carefully as he folded the dough over, setting it aside once it was ready and watching her progress. “Guess that makes sense.” It’s not like he was great at being bad at things, either. “Yeah, well. I said what I said. Looks good, by the way. Now you just have to fold it. Roll it. Then turn it. And then there’s apples.”

“Oh.” Chloe replied softly, unsure if she could, or should reply. Was moving a hunter thing? Chloe distantly remembered Lydia’s sister, the one who had been killed so unjustly by those monstrous beings known as hunters. It had been reported as a murder. She supposed you would have to run, in a situation like that. What a thankless life indeed. And he’d joked before about her being braver, when Chloe was content to curl into the remnants of her life, doing nothing brave than posting about fae on main every once in a while. “Roll it. Fold it. Turn it. Wait,” Chloe smacked her wrist against her forehead, repeating the instructions in the right order this time. “Like this?” Chloe asked eventually, her hands beginning to throb from the work. “Does... this town scare you?”

It took Kaden a second to realize she’d even said it in the wrong order. “Wait, first-- yeah, you got it,” he said with a nod of approval as she manipulated the dough. He gathered both sets of dough and put them on a tray and into the fridge to chill. His fingers had wrapped around the handle when her question stopped dead in his tracks. It was something he’d never really considered. A looming question he never actually asked or answered to himself. Blinking, his mouth opened and closed a few times over, no words spilled out. He placed the tray in the fridge and closed the door before turning back to her. “I don’t know,” he managed to say. “It-- Maybe. It’s, uh… It’s definitely the most complicated place I’ve ever lived.” He rubbed the back of his neck, hoping he could find the answer. “You?” he hazarded to ask. Stupid question most likely.

“So… apples.” There couldn’t be any difficult decisions there, could there? It was just slicing and arranging and nothing else. Not that it mattered either way. As Kaden made clear, it wasn’t a big deal. “The most complicated place? What does that mean?” At his question, Chloe nodded, with a weak, wry smile. Of course he knew. “So afraid. All of her friends still live here. But…. I think I’m scared of out there even more.” Chloe gestured out towards the front door, frankly with no awareness of which was to point to other towns. She might have just pointed in the direction of the ocean for all she knew.

“Apples,” he repeated, grabbing the bag and setting up in the kitchen by the sink to wash them. “Uh, I mean, just that I’ve had more questions about my fucking life choices here than I have anywhere else. Maybe that’s not fair to blame on the town, though. Maybe I’m just old,” Kaden said and tossed the washed apple to her. He kept washing as she talked. She wasn’t fucking wrong. He wrung his hands in between placing one apple to the side and grabbing the next. “Makes sense.” He didn’t even know what to say to that. Morgan frequented that very kitchen. And she hadn’t been able to let Lydia go completely, even after. And as much as Regan detested Lydia, she was still fae. Hell, there was a pixie hidden in his apartment. He was surrounded by fucking fae and fae apologists and he was wondering if he was one at this point. When he had no goddamn reason to be looking at her and the effects a fae had on her. “Well, you have friends here now, too,” he said plainly, going back to washing the apples. “And she’s fucking dead.” No thanks to him. “So it’s a little safer now.” Small comforts, surely.

“You’re not that old, right?” Chloe had thought he was around her age, maybe even younger. Were hunters like fae in terms of looking young forever or… was he just being sardonic “No, I guess that makes sense.  Sort of. This place is so weird maybe it does make everyone question stuff.” She caught the apple, looking it over before carefully beginning to slice it. The knife slipped as he answered her, Chloe jerking away so she didn’t cut her hand. Friends. Something tightly wound inside her began to unravel a little there, like she’d tied down some part of her all those years ago so that it was too small to be seen by the monster she’d live with. The part of her that sought companionship, friendship. For years, she’d been hard and abrasive to everyone in the house because Lydia would have used anything else against her. But Kaden considered them friends. Or something similar. Chloe almost sobbed, blinking away the heat in her eyes rapidly. “She’s fucking dead,” Chloe echoed, taking a new apples from Kaden’s hand, still dripping with water as she put in on the board. “So I’m a little safer now.” Chloe cleaved the apple in two right through its heart. Some day, that might even sound true.

[sepublic]

Nekrone’s Rahi

           (Note: Nekrone is the headcanoned name I’ve given the Makuta of Stelt, for fanon reasons.)

           Nekrone had a very utilitarian philosophy and perspective, when it came to Rahi. Like some Makuta, he questioned the need for their existence, and while he didn’t outright disagree with Mata Nui… He tried to create his own meaning and justifications, in the absence of any provided by the Great Spirit.

           It was not enough for his Rahi to merely, simply exist- There was that existential dread and question, of why they were there? What did they provide, what were they for… Nekrone couldn’t imagine simply living just as-is, there was something they had to do, do to prove and earn their existence, and make it worthwhile! Coupled with his confusion on the purpose of Rahi, it was up to Nekrone to provide an explanation for their existence, when their own existence was an inarguable decree by the Great Spirit himself. As a result, most of Nekrone’s Rahi started off as rather social, utilitarian creatures… His Rahi were the kind of animals easily domesticated, for they were designed to be used by the sapient species and civilizations of the Matoran Universe.

           Nekrone was initially pure-hearted, genuine, and well-meaning with his intent. He wanted his Rahi to provide things for the sapient beings of this world, so he designed them to be incredibly beneficial. Many of his Rahi were highly nutritious, caloric creatures, easily herded- Their natures begged them to be domesticated by civilizations as livestock to feed upon. Nekrone’s Rahi naturally and quickly produced plentily, encouraging Matoran and other beings to control and harvest their populations constantly, in order to keep them from overgrowing. Nekrone’s Rahi didn’t have to just die to provide usage, either- They also provided milk, fur, and luxurious feathers and ivory for decoration.

           His domesticated Rahi were easily tamed, and often were used to perform heavy manual labor, transporting goods and beings. Quite a few noble, hardy steeds had been devised by Nekrone to serve the people of the Matoran Universe. There was a hierarchy in his mind, an ideal one where Rahi served the civilizations of this world- Surely this was what Mata Nui meant, when he ordained the Rahi from the Makuta! Nekrone’s Rahi were tools and resources for Matoran and other species, and if all else failed, a person could at least sell their Rahi for some money to get along in life.

           As many people grew to appreciate and use Nekrone’s Rahi, he himself felt a sense of importance and began seeing himself almost like a caretaker of sorts… And as we all know, the Makuta didn’t exactly become humbler over time. And because Nekrone was so fixated on directly providing for people, it led to him breaking the barriers, and closing the distance between the Makuta and the lesser societies they otherwise avoided. Nekrone took deliberate criticism and feedback by societies on his Rahi, on how to make them more useful and beneficial. At times, he responded to specific needs by designing a Rahi species that would help- If a population was cold, he’d create a species of Rahi that provided plenty of calories and also a heavy wool lining for coats.

           Many of his brethren saw Nekrone as someone who was too coddling of the herds of society, too pleasing and appeasing. They saw Nekrone, a Makuta, as being too much at the whim of others- It was rather disgraceful. Miserix himself questioned if Nekrone could make the difficult decisions for the greater good… He was not here to service the people of this world, not necessarily. It all seemed antithetical to the wilderness and nature, Nekrone’s domesticated beasts.

           But alas, even someone as well-meaning as Nekrone, eventually fell. As he became more receptive of others and responded personally to needs and desires… Inevitably, he had a few of his own, especially as the Brotherhood began to grow. He wanted to provide for his own organization, so he asked for a thing or two, here or there, in exchange for providing a new Rahi species. His benefactors always happily obliged, and Nekrone became versed in making deals, getting the most bang for his buck… He began to operate almost like a business that took commissions, offering his services here or there- The Brotherhood’s resources weren’t infinite, after all.

           Nekrone even began collaborating with other Makuta, helping them here or there with something they needed- For a price, of course! Like many Makuta, he decided it was only fair that such noble beings such as themselves get monetary payment for their righteous actions. And while Miserix raised an eye at this idea of conducting business between the other Makuta, he let it pass… Once, Chirox commissioned Nekrone to create a species of Rahi that could be compatible with his Visorak Horde, to prove their capability to co-exist. For the right accommodations, Nekrone created the Colony Drone, itself a domesticated type of Rahi meant to be herded by the Visorak for sustenance. On their own in the wild, the Colony Drones were helpless creatures that died, nor could they fend for themselves- This happened to many of his domestic Rahi, alas. Over time, this weakness became deliberate, so people would have to rely on Nekrone for a source of Rahi, instead of just letting species procreate in the wild to later choose from…

           Then Nekrone was assigned to the island of Stelt. The constantly-feuding clans looked to him for war beasts and other useful Rahi, and Nekrone obliged. He felt bad about selling to just one clan, so he sold to the rest to make things fair, and ended up contributing to the chaos and bloodshed. One way or another, he saw his Rahi as cattle to serve others… And this sentiment began to apply to sapient species he saw as ‘lesser’- Such as a powerful species of clawed, multi-armed warriors on Stelt. A species hierarchy began to develop amongst the nobles, brutes, and these gladiators, and Nekrone saw it as only sensible… And this led to his allowance, and eventual participation, in slavery.

           The rest is history. Stelt developed a culture of greed and bargaining, that both influenced Nekrone and vice-versa. He became a ruthless opportunist, playing upon the conflicts of others so both sides would come to him, and only Nekrone would benefit in the end, while others tore one another to shreds with their war beasts. His Rahi had short lives and impending expiration dates, often forcing groups to constantly buy more and more creatures from Nekrone to replenish their diminishing supplies, as his domesticated Rahi became almost completely dependent upon owners to actually thrive.

           Nekrone became infamous as a savvy, yet untrustworthy dealmaker- When one referred to a ‘Deal with the Makuta’, it was Nekrone that the saying specifically referred to. Many found themselves in his debt. And Nekrone, he converted the role of his Rahi as helpful, utilitarian tools, and completely transitioned them into marketable products. You know that “I can milk you” meme? That was Nekrone towards his own creations. He changed his Rahi to provide more monetary gain and resources for both himself and his customers- Their entire existence and function designed towards producing a specific resource, more a manufacturing machine than a living being with its own life.

          And as Nekrone created Rahi for utilitarian purposes, he also designed them for luxury as well- He created adorable, beautiful pets that others would beg to keep. These pets were designed to be consumer-friendly, but as pets could not function in the wild, dying and/or providing a negative impact to the local ecosystem. Nekrone searched for every possible way to extract monetary gain from his creations. The art of Rahi-making had been converted almost entirely into a highly-expensive, yet lucrative, business for himself. Nekrone sought to appeal to a wide demographic…

          And this also led to him ordering the extinction, or at least endangerment, of other Rahi species and even machines so others would rely on his own creatures more. While some Makuta were impressed by Nekrone’s devious cleverness, others were disgusted by his lack of integrity- Mutran once accused him of being a sellout in multiple definitions of the term. After all, Nekrone was also infamous for occasionally engaging in business with competitors and even outright enemies to the Brotherhood of Makuta, such as the Dark Hunters…

           Following Nekrone’s death by Miserix, and the transition into a new society on Spherus Magna, there has been concern about the preservation status of Nekrone’s creatures. Many of them have met their expiration dates, and without their creator to provide more, his species are nearing the possibility of extinction. While many Onu-Matoran have adapted by preserving countless specimens in indefinite stasis, many societies dependent upon Nekrone’s Rahi have turned to Miserix for answers. They figure Miserix can reverse-engineer Nekrone’s creations, and are correct… Miserix himself has both access to Nekrone’s memories, having absorbed him, but is also clever and savvy enough to figure it out on his own anyway.

          He’s been catching up on what he’s missed out on over the years, and is rather disgusted by Nekrone’s opportunistic philosophy in designing Rahi by treating them as products- Subsequent iterations of the same species have been redesigned to have longer-lasting lifespans, and be more capable of surviving in the wild. Still, as society and its roles change, Miserix has admittedly taken some of Nekrone’s original sentiments to heart, even if he’ll make sure not to stoop to that same opportunistic greed either. The Makuta caused so much damage and took so much- Miserix wants to put some good out into the world and reinstate a balance, so directly providing for the societies of Spherus Magna and taking their feedback into account is a good start.

[xenbiology]

ABOUT

Hello! My name is Professor Alem; though you may simply call me Alem or Professor! My pronouns are they/them. I’m a biologist and author who studies and breeds Xen fauna and their history and relationship with humans. I mainly deal with headcrabs and their domestication, and have even bred a few new types myself! This picture is of me and Paz, a new pattern I am working on :)

I created this blog because I wish to share the information and make it more widely accessible to a human audience, and to answer any questions you all may have on my work!

- ALEM

FAQ

So... what is this blog?

This is a Half-Life based askblog that takes place 200 years after the ending of Half-Life 2, and follows my headcanons of Xen biology! It’s is designed so you can send in questions, which will be answered ‘in character’ by Alem, a vortigaunt scientist. It’s also to keep track of any headcrab characters people might have made/adopted.

If you’re familiar with Professor Peach, it’s something sort of like that. Basically, you’re allowed to send in questions that are responded to by Professor Alem, a vortiguant biologist, as if you were a character in the setting. You’re also welcome to send in ‘ooc’ questions as well though!

I also just reblog a bunch of art and posts revolving around xen biology, as well as some memes and such.

This blog is intended to be 16+ because it might contain some upsetting or potentially NSFW content, but all in a biological format (discussions of animal abuse, art of meat/dissections, discussion of breeding behavior and anatomy, etc). Everything will be tagged generously. There won’t be any condoning of mentioned behavior, and no explicit porn or heavily NSFW images.

If you need anything tagged that I didn’t, please let me know.

So is this a roleplay blog?

Er... not exactly. It’s more of an in-character ask blog. But if you have a similar blog, I wouldn’t be opposed to interacting.

Am I allowed to use these headcanons?

Yes, go ahead! I would be thrilled to see anyone using any of these, or even something based off of these. You’re allowed to mix and match and change anything you want for your own personal use. You’re free to make OCs or characters based on any of this stuff too! Make a headcrab! Make a scientist! Go crazy go stupid!

Am I allowed to do fanart / fanworks of _____?

Yes!!!! You’re 100% welcome to draw (or write about, or.. whatever) Alem, any of Alem’s crabs, your own takes on anything or any biology, or just. Anything from or inspired by this blog! I would love to see it!

If you do, please DM it to me- I don’t check my email often, and don’t see @’s! I don’t mind at all!

Who’s the mod?

Hello! My name is Rhi / Bees / Toad, and I’m the mod here behind Prof. Alem! My pronouns are they/them, please. I’m 21, neurodivergent, nonbinary, and going to college for zoology babey!

I run this blog because I think headcrabs are neat, and I love to worldbuild, especially when it comes to biology! You might recognize some of my art and ideas from my other blogs, listed below.

Main || @toadsong​

Half Life / HLVRAI Sideblog || @black-mesa-slut-voice

Art Sideblog || @bees-draws

If you have any questions for me, feel free to send in an ask! Please specify that it’s either directly to me or OOC however, so I know not to answer as Alem!

What exactly is the setting here?

As I mentioned, this blog takes place 200 years after the events of Half-life 2. It sort of... diverges a bit from canon there, since we never got a full conclusion to the story, but this world is working under the assumption that the resistance managed to drive off the Combine from earth, and humanity started to rebuild... but now has alien neighbors and creatures.

Vortigaunts are seen as normal residents and have just as many rights as humans, and it’s not uncommon for them to mingle together as complete equals. Though vortigaunts didn’t used to have names, they must at least legally choose a name to put on paperwork; and many vorts choose to use it for the ease of humans around them, since they’re not tapped into the vortessence.

A lot of animals are extinct in this universe due to the Combine, which is part of why aliens as pets and livestock is much more common. There’s also several new and synthetic species created in the absence of some, which were made by humanity thanks to leftover Combine knowledge.

Technology is roughly in the modern-day level, though some knowledge is more advanced than today’s thanks to leftover Combine tech, and some knowledge is less advanced or lost completely thanks to the destruction of information databases by the Combine. But roughly 2020′s level tech!

Where’s Gordon/Barney/Alyx/etc?

Unfortunately, despite the tech advances, immortality hasn’t been invented yet, and most people can’t live for 200+ years. They’re long passed by now... though the vortigaunts never truly let them be forgotten. Thanks to the vortessent hivemind, Alem knows them just as well as any other vortigaunt knew them. You’re welcome to ask them questions, though they may not be comfortable answering. I have lots of headcanons on them as well, which I might sprinkle in, lol.

RULES

Do not interact with this blog if you’re a bigot. This means do not interact if you’re LGBT+phobic of any kind, antisemetic, a nazi, anti-blm, pro-cop/’blue lives matter’, racist, ‘pro-ship’/pedo/MAP, etc. This includes transphobia, biphobia, and panphobia. If you’re nasty you know who you are. Get outta here!

On that note- despite the warning above, this blog will not particpiate in any political discussion or drama. I simply do not want nasty people interacting with this blog. If you want to discuss anything, at the very least, go to my main/sideblogs. The exception of this is if I reblog something from a nasty person/source- I try to do a brief check of who I reblog from, but sometimes I’m tired or lazy. If you notice content come from a questionable blog, let me know, and I’ll remove it!

Please try not to send in overly explicit or horny questions. Though this blog may discuss mature themes, such as discussions of breeding behavior and anatomy, it’s not going to be horny in nature.

Be aware that if your question is ‘in character’, Alem may refuse to answer it. Unless you’re a recurring person or someone they feel comfortable with, don’t send anything overly weird or personal. Alem is a professional, and is always more than happy to share things they know (sometimes too much), but even they have a line they won’t cross sometimes. On the other hand, even if Alem might not answer it, I probably will! I love to answer questions, even more than Alem :D

[ketsuyuki-hibana-typed]

ah. A giyuu x reader modern au where they're already married and have a child?Kind of like those family domestic things, if you don't mind and also, please take your time

Nope, I don't mind, not a single bit. I EVEN THANKED YOU FOR REQUESTING THEM

DomesticAU is kinda my power because I like this little stuffs happening everyday, I HOPE ONE OF THESE DOMESTIC HCS WILL HAPPEN TO ME *cries in single*

In this timeline, you have 2 kids named Mako (kindergarten) and Hibito (elementary school) You already know why :))

Giyuu x Reader (Domestic FamilyAU)

Giyuu is a P. E. teacher, and you are freelance designer. Both of you have cute and awesome children, Mako and Hibito.

They are 3 years apart

Unlike high-spirited Mako, Hibito is more like his father, calm and strategic (in children way)

Like always, Giyuu will wake you up on time in the morning. He also woke his children up

"Mako, Hibito, time to wake up." He patted Mako's head slowly, and shaking Hibito's body

His daughter, Mako, will immediately wake up while rubbing her eyes with her tiny hand

His son, Hibito, on the other hand, covered himself with blanket while letting out small groan, not wanted to wake up

"Brother, wake up!!" Mako will go back to their room and jumped on the bed, until he get annoyed enough and finally went to the bathroom while scratched his tummy

Giyuu prepared the milk and coffees while you preparing the breakfast and Mako's stuffs

"Good morning, Daddy, Mommy!!" Mako ran to the dining table, Hibito followed from behind

"Morning, Mako." She sat and started to gulp down her strawberry milk.

Hibito asked his father if he could go to his friend's house, and Giyuu nodded. Hibito smiled tenderly towards his father.

"Thanks, Da-"

"...After you've done homework." Giyuu said that, not averting his eyes from newspaper

He pouted on his sit, you just chuckled while putting eggs, bacons and rice on the table

It's about time to go to school

"Okay, Mako. Do you have everything on your bag?" Giyuu lowered his body, he put her cap on top of her head.

"Yes!"

"Your milk?"

"Always ready to drink it!"

"Your crayons?"

"I'll draw so much picture with them!"

"What do we say to teacher?"

"Good morning! Have a nice day!"

"And what do we say to the boys except your dad?"

"Go away!"

Giyuu smirked. "Good Girl."

Before went out, you gave Giyuu his lunch.

Giyuu kissed your lips and hugged you at the front door.

Mako will admire both of you, wondering if this will happen to her someday while Hibito showing disgusted face

"Seatbelts, Mako, Hibito."

"Dad, just drop me on next block." said his son. Giyuu nodded.

"Can you drop me with Brother too, Daddy?"

Hibito caressed and pinched her cheek, "Not yet."

"Muuu, it's not fair!! I wanted to pet the dog while walking to kindergarten!"

Giyuu flinched a bit and said that it's not a good idea

Since you're not going anywhere and the freelance stuff is relaxed a bit, you cleaned the house.

You often found Mako's abstract drawing on the table, under the couch and mostly in their room

Sometimes you found drawing about Giyuu holding swords and you wondered why

At school, the other teachers often asked about Giyuu's kids and like to look at your children photos

The students wondering how the hell a stoic and stiff-dude like Giyuu could produce these cute and healthy children

"They are so cute!!" rambled the teachers while he showing their "Play in the mini pool" photos at lunch time.

Giyuu was a little bit proud like, hahaha that's my kiddos

"Of course." He opened his lunch box and found a little note in there.

'Dad, please eat your tomato. I don't like it when Mom got angry. She isn't beautiful anymore when she's angry and I don't want to look at her sad face when she had to trash the tomato. ' -Hibito 🍅

He finally, ate his tomato, while making weird face.

Rengoku cheered on him

"Go Go! Don't make your wife sad!!"

You are the one who picked up Mako from kindergarten

She smiled when the teacher told her you finally came to pick her up

"Mommy!!"

Sometimes, the teacher informed you that she fought with boys

You sighed. You usually ask her at home.

"You fight again." You caressed you daughter's face. Mako turned her eyes away. "Why are you doing that? What did your dad told you about boys? They clearly have strength more than you."

"..."

"...Mommy, if I told you, would you promise that you will not angry?" You shook your head.

"Of course not, dear."

She started his conversation on why did she fight. You listened to her carefully. You told her that protecting something she cherished isn't wrong as long as she didn't hurt people

You didn't know why but your children like to tease their own father, and Giyuu magically didn't get annoyed by their act

They will jump into the sofa, started to climb their dad while he watching TV

He suddenly grabbed their body, hugged them and make them sit on his lap

In one fast motion

Both Mako and Hibito shocked but actually watch TV in peace

There is elementary school agenda, where the parents visited school and monitored their children from behind the class

The teacher will ask the student some questions and usually, they will raise their hand quickly, eagerly to answer the question

Giyuu looked at his son from behind. Hibito rarely raised his hand, and answer the question in small voice

In their way on home, Hibito's face looked gloomy.

"What's with the long face, Hibito?"

"Dad, are you angry because I rarely raise my hand, today?"

"It doesn't matter. It is not the subject you like, right?" He changed his gear. "As long as you like a certain subject and you enjoyed about it, it doesn't matter to me."

Hibito looked at his father with glistened eyes. He nodded and promised himself he will do better

Hibito and Mako like to go to playing-park on weekend

Both of you and Giyuu sat down and prepared the food, while watching your kid from afar

Hibito always protected his sister when she played, he didn't mind if he couldn't play too

But of course, Mako didn't want let him like that, so they will end up play together

If your family don't go anywhere on weekends, your children will watch TV while laying down onto their dad.

"Brother, it looks like in one of your book."

"Mhm."

"Daddy, can we go to the zoo next time? My teacher said there are so many animals there."

"Ok."

Mako likes to show her drawing to her dad and gave them to him

Her dad's face probably stoic but he will let out smile and Mako's eyes will blimmer with shines

Giyuu secretly keep all of them in his file

When you cooked for dinner, Hibito peeked up from your sleeves.

"Mom, is that curry?" "Yeah."

He didn't say anything but smiled widely, while preparinh the table

Giyuu dried Mako's hair and you dried Hibito's after bath

After make sure Hibito did his homework, you put both of them to sleep. Giyuu kissed Mako's forehead.

"Good night."

When both of them finally asleep, you and Giyuu went to your room, ready for sleep too

"You're still beautiful even after we had 2 children."

He said that with the straighest face he had. You suddenly blushed so hard and hit his hand shyly.

"No, I'm serious." He pushed you to bed. "What about a 3rd?"

Ah, it's going to be a long night

[lakesandquarries]

After the Storm (Chapter Two)

WHOOPS i forgot to post chapter two. here it is. 

AO3 link

A brief list of things Sonic doesn’t know about:

- scented candles

- dinosaurs

- microwaves

- math

- most foods, generally

- dog food, specifically

Sonic is eager to learn. There’s a certain Look he gets when encountering something new, tilted head and perked ears, that Tom is learning to recognize. And, for the most part, he’s easy to teach. The candles confuse him a little, until Maddie lights one for him. He’s delighted by the concept of dinosaurs, and figures out the microwave pretty quickly. Math...proves a bit trickier, but that one’s probably more on Tom and his lack of teaching skills. Food is easy to teach about. Tom just has to say something is food, maybe what type of food it is, and Sonic will dig in. He’s usually willing to try anything out.

This backfires.

“What’s that?” Sonic asks, bouncing on his heels as Tom pours kibble into Ozzie’s bowl.

“Dog food,” Tom says, and before he can even blink Sonic’s got a handful and he’s shoving it in his mouth. “Hold on, that’s not for -” humans is what he was about to say, but, well, Sonic’s not a human. “You shouldn’t eat that,” is what he says instead.

Sonic frowns. He’s still chewing. “Why not? I mean, it’s not as good as the other stuff I’ve tried, but it’s not that bad! Ozzie seems to like it!”

Tom sighs. “That’s because Ozzie’s a dog. And this is dog food. It’s food for dogs. So, not for people , and that includes hedgehogs.”

Sonic’s got that Look again, the confused one. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, which is never a good sign, instead tapping his finger against his chin thoughtfully. He seems like he’s mouthing something to himself - a newer habit of his. Now that there’s actually people around to hear him, he’s learning how to internalize his thoughts a bit more.

“Is there special hedgehog food?” is what he finally asks. His voice is light and cheerful and very clearly fake.

“Yeah,” Tom says, not wanting to push him. “But dog and cat food is a lot more common to find.”

“Do any other animals have special food?”

At least this is a subject Tom knows a bit about, thanks to Maddie. He nods. ”Yeah, lots of animals do. At least, ones that are domestic - which are animals like pets, and farm animals, and things like that.”

Sonic has a lot more questions after that, enough that Tom ends up enlisting Maddie to help, because at a certain point Tom only knows so much, and the intricate nuances of what’s considered pets vs farm animals is definitely past him. But he’s glad Sonic asks them about things, that he’s interested in learning, that he’s comfortable enough to ask in the first place.

He’s also glad that Sonic doesn’t try eating any more dog food.

There’s a couple things that are confusing Sonic.

Well, maybe more than a couple things. A lot more, actually! Sonic hasn’t quite figured out math yet, but he knows “a lot” is more than “a couple”. And there’s so much stuff that confuses him! He’d thought he had everything figured out from watching people, but apparently the world is way more complicated than he thought.

Like, dinosaurs! Tom had put on Jurassic Park for movie night, which Sonic had never actually seen before (it looked too scary), and afterwards Sonic had said he was glad dinosaurs weren’t real and Tom had told him they actually were!

Well, they used to be real, but that was billions of years ago or something, and they’re  extinct now, which means they don’t exist anymore. And they probably can’t actually be brought back like in the movie. Sonic had made a joke about how Eggman was the kind of guy who’d wanna bring them back, and use them like in the movie, but Tom had gotten really quiet so Sonic had changed the topic.

Anyway! He liked getting to learn new stuff, even if some of it was less fun, like math. Math was hard. But dinosaurs were cool, and the microwave seemed pretty neat, and Tom kept showing Sonic all these new kinds of food and that was awesome .

Except the dog food. That had been kinda awkward. Honestly, Sonic didn’t really get what the big deal was! Ozzie ate it, so it couldn’t be bad , right? He was Tom’s Best Friend, and Tom would never do anything to hurt his Best Friend. And Ozzie ate human food all the time! So it should work the other way around, right?

And, well, that’s the other thing Sonic keeps thinking about. When Tom had tried to stop him, he’s said that’s not for - and then cut himself off.

Sonic can’t stop thinking about how he was gonna finish that sentence.

He doesn’t say anything about it that night. Or the night after. Or the night after that. But it’s there, in the back of his head, ‘ that’s not for -’ for what? He ends up staying up way past his usual bedtime, pacing back and forth and thinking . He’s getting better at thinking quietly, keeping it in his head, but he finds himself mumbling out loud as he tries to sort through this, acting out an argument.

“He was just gonna say hedgehogs,” he says to himself, sitting on the beanbag. “Tom’s a smart guy! He wouldn’t say something stupid like -”

Lying across his bed, he counters - “Then why did he cut himself off? And say something completely different? He’s the Donut Lord , he’s normally great at talking! He wouldn’t do something like that unless -”

On the beanbag again: “But he said later that it’s not for hedgehogs.”

“Not for people . Including hedgehogs.”

“Exactly! So that’s what he was gonna say there, too. He just didn’t wanna say the same thing twice.”

On the bed, he buries his face in the blankets, muffling his frustrated noises. He sits back up, staring at his hands, at his gloves, at the blue fur and quills.

He’s not human.

Tom knows this, Maddie knows this, Eggman knew it, the whole town knows it. And that’s fine! He’s the coolest hedgehog on the whole planet. He doesn’t want to be human. Not even a little. He’s never, ever wished he was just a normal kid with a normal family who went to school and had friends and didn’t live in a cave. Not even once.

He’s also a really, really bad liar, even when the only person he’s lying to is himself.

He doesn’t even realize he’s pacing until he feels that familiar, awful surge of energy, fur standing on end suddenly as electricity sparks between his quills.

“No, no, no!” He tries to pat it off him, but it just gets worse, bright blue arcing off him and shutting off the lamp by his bed. Before he can think better of it, he’s down the ladder and out the door, and by the time he realizes what he’s done he’s halfway to his old cave. Hopefully Tom didn’t notice him leaving. It is pretty late, after all. Tom should be asleep, not worrying about his...about….about….

“Stop it,” he says out loud, hoping it’ll make his spiralling thoughts slow down a bit. He’s fine. It’s fine! Maybe he’s basically just another pet for Tom and Maddie, but that’s not a bad thing, is it? Ozzie seems pretty happy. It’s fine. He’s never gonna fit in anywhere, not really, but this is the best he’s gonna get, and it’s good, and he shouldn’t ruin it all by asking for too much. He’s not gonna ruin this, not like he did with Longclaw.

He runs a hand through his quills, and this time the electricity seems to be a bit better, so he starts back in the direction of the house. Not running, just walking, slow and steady. Calm.

He’s fine.

As he gets closer, he hears noises, indistinct at first but clearer with each step he takes, until he realizes what it is.

“Sonic!” Tom yells, and Sonic can see a flashlight beam cutting through the forest. “Sonic, where are you?”

Oh. Oh no.

He breaks into a sprint, nearly slamming into Tom. “I’m right here!” he says, waving his arms.

Tom deflates, leaning forward with his hands on his thighs and breathing out slowly. “You scared me,” he says, sighing.

“Oh,” Sonic says.

“It’s okay, just let me know if you need to go outside or anything, okay? Little concerning to hear a crash and go upstairs and see my - and see you missing.”

Sonic opens his mouth, intending to say sorry or okay, I won’t do that again or I just needed to do something or literally anything else than what he actually says, which is: “What were you gonna say?”

“What?”

“You cut yourself off,” Sonic says. “You said it was concerning to hear a crash and go upstairs and see your - and then you cut off.”

Tom doesn’t respond, possibly because Sonic doesn’t actually give him time to. “And a couple days ago, when I tried Ozzie’s food, you told me to stop because it’s not for - and you cut yourself off. That’s twice. So it’s gotta mean something, right? I have to -”

Sonic’s the one cutting himself off, this time. His throat feels clogged, like there’s something stuck there, and when he speaks he has to force the words out. “I’m something, right?”

Tom kneels down so he’s eye level with Sonic. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Just breathe, okay?”

Sonic sniffles a bit when he breathes in, but after a few rounds of in and out, Tom seems satisfied.

“How long have you been thinking about this?” Tom asks. Sonic shrugs.

“A while,” he admits.

Tom holds out his hand, waiting for Sonic to place his on top and gripping it gently.

“Am I your best friend?” Sonic blurts out. Tom smiles.

“Not quite,” he says, placing his other hand on top of Sonic’s. “You’re family.”

“Like Ozzie?”

That gets a laugh out of Tom, somehow. “Sorta. But Ozzie’s a pet, like what we talked about the other day. He’s not a person. I love him a lot, and he’s part of the family, but it’s different than you or me or Maddie.”

“I’m not like you or Maddie either,” he says, wiggling his fingers.

“Well, no. Most kids are pretty different from their parents.”

Sonic blinks at Tom, his mouth hanging open slightly. He uses his free hand to push it shut. “Parents?”

“That’s pretty much what we are, isn’t it? Teaching you things, making sure you’re safe, taking care of you….that’s what parents do. It’s not how Maddie and I originally planned to have kids, but….you’ve got a place here. And I’m sorry I didn’t make that more clear.”

Sonic’s vision is starting to get a bit blurry. He uses his free hand to wipe at his eyes, and his hand comes away wet.

“But what if Eggman comes back? Or something new happens? They’re still looking for me.”

“And I’m not gonna let ‘em find you.”

His legs feel weak, kind of like when Tom had first hit him with the tranquiliser. This time, when Sonic falls, Tom catches him.

“Woah there,” he says, letting Sonic collapse against his shoulder. “Lets head back, okay?”

“Okay,” Sonic says into Tom’s shirt. He’s running his hand through his spikes, and that combines with the emotional whiplash of the last hour or so has him suddenly feeling exhausted . Tom carries him back to the house, and Sonic vaguely wonders why they’re not climbing up the ladder, but then he’s being placed in a bed and maybe it’s not his own but it’s warm and comfortable and he’s asleep in minutes.

---

When he wakes up, Tom and Maddie are still there.

[utterlyinevitable]

Alrighty sooo we all know Becca but what about this woman named...Hannah in you WIPS? (and in my WhatsApp) 1,2,4,8,9,15,16,18,23,26,27,31,33,39,45,52,54,55 this shall keep u occupied lol

 *sighs* Hannah Hannah Hannah... when will I finish your saga 😔

i’m going to use both prompt lists for this and choose my favorite questions aha

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything? &  Age, Birthday, Star Sign

Hannah Amelia Weill

I really like writing complicated women with long names and multiple identities.

Growing up her friends all called her Hannie. She was always Hannah to her family and everyone who doesn’t know her intimately. One boy (’Bryce’) called her Han. Later in life her partner calls her Anna because of his thick accent. Her alias and the name she went by during her uni identity crisis was Leah, a derivative of her middle name.

I don’t like her last name so it may change to fit with the metaphor of the whole piece 🤷🏻‍♀️

The story moves between her being 16-18 and 23. 

tbh i haven’t given much thought to her birthday 😂 i feel like she’d be an edgy libra 

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them? & Gender Identity

Nothing formal lol 

But her mother calls her a ‘hurricane’ and after high school that group of friends she had relegated her to a ‘selfish bitch’ and proceeded to cut her out of their lives without any warning. (side note: later in life she’ll realize she may have been The Toxic Friend) 

She’s hetero female. Though she was bi-curious with only one friend when she was 17. She leaned into that for a while but realized women just weren’t doing it for her. 

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? & Race and Ethnicity

She’s estranged from her father and hasn’t seen him since she was five. She’s an only child and had some distance between her and her mother because of socio-economic factors. At her core Hannah is a private, enigmatic person and her mother always kinda let her do whatever she wanted as long as she kept her grades up. It wasn’t a bad childhood or growing up. There were some rough patches but she lived in a bubble compared to the rest of the world. When she moved away her relationship with her mother got better because her mom would call or text her every week to make sure she’s alive. She still does and Hannah sometimes doesn’t answer so her mom calls. 

She’s white bread with European roots. 

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? & Weapon of Choice(?)

They had a dog which she loved and taught her the meaning of unconditional love. The dog even slept in her twin sized bed. As an adult Hannah is much to irresponsible (and self aware about this fact) to bring a pet into her life. She loves animals but keeps a distance and prefers the odd well behaved domestic pup.

She has wit, stoicism and psychological manipulations at her disposal. 

9. Hometown and current residence

She grew up on the waterfront in Suffolk, New York. Now she resides in Southwark, UK. 

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking? &  Can they sing? Can they dance?

She can cook if she has to. She’s not bad at it when she knows what she likes but she cannot handle another person in the kitchen with her and gets so so so angry when they make comments over her shoulder. Some times she gets the urge to bake but it’s TERRIBLE at dough so it’s just a box cake or cookies. Others think it’s edible. 

When she’s older ‘Ethan’ teaches her how to cook fancy, complex meals and it’s rather meditative. And maybe she doesn’t mind having him in the kitchen with her. 

She cannot sing to save her life. She has absolutely no rhythm. Doesn’t stop her from doing either. Her go-to dance of choice is a drunken grind.

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? &  Can they drive?

She doesn’t, well not really. She tries to hoard books but she’s moved around so much her moms outlook on life seeped in. Her mom always encouraged her to get rid of unnecessary things and so she has very minimal clutter (excluding her closet girl loves clothes). She does have a book shelf filled with CDs and vinyls and books and that makes her happy. 

When she’s settled down and has disposable income she starts to collect tattoos and street art. 

She can drive but doesn’t like to, especially in Europe. She’s thankful she lives in places with fantastic public transport. 

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else & Have any special keepsakes?

Books: she likes horror and drama as books she’ll read in public. When she’s alone she likes a romance book or young adult novel. 

Music: folk, indie and alternative. 

TV: comedy, drama, anything on the old CW was her jam. She likes dark humor. 

Films: romantic comedy. she went through a phase of only watching foreign films to seem more cultured. she’ll only watch action if there’s a comedic lead because blood and gore disgust her. 

Video games: she doesn’t play. never got into them. but she did try because ‘Bryce’ really loved his xbox and she loved ‘Bryce’. 

The one thing she made sure to take with her was a throw pillow that she’s had since she was a kid. 

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

She remembers everything about the people in her life. For better or worse - it’s no bueno for her mental health because she overanalyzes everything and dissects it until she’s essentially fabricated a whole other reality. 

She misplaces things all the time and gets mad about it. ‘Ethan’ finds it an endearingly annoying habit of hers. 

She’s okay with names and better with faces. But she really identifies people by their vibe and how they make her feel. If she feels good she’ll remember every single thing about them. If they make her feel bad she’ll only remember the bits about that person that make her feel that way - even if it’s only one sentence out of an entire year of friendship, that person will become that one bad thing to her. 

She never truly forgets someone. Sometimes it’s better to pretend like she did in order to save face. 

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? & Guilty Pleasure

When she’s happy she can do anything! She feels like she can fly. She usually is listening to a song and she’s very creative in this space. She parades around in her underwear singing at the top of her lungs when she’s alone. When she’s happy and with someone, she lets her guard down and shows who she really is. When she’s happy she’s the person she wants to be and not the front of an unbreakable woman she’s been pretending to be since she was old enough to remember it’s importance. 

Oh yes, Hannah hides her emotions. it’s her MO. 

Her guilty pleasure is popular culture. ‘Ethan’ makes fun of her for it but indulges her any chance he can get. For the longest time he’s also her guilty pleasure. She doesn’t want to like him from the beginning. But conversation just flows. And he’s such a Good Boy. she can’t help but fall for him quick and quietly. 

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad? & What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?

People make her sad. Failure makes her sad. She’s trying to cultivate a better life she’s read about in stories and feels like she needs to be successful to show up everyone who’s ever doubted her. She needs to be successful to prove to herself that she’s not a waste of space and worthy of this existence. 

But successful comes in all shapes and sizes. Which is something she’ll learn when she least expects it. 

Hannah only lets herself cry less than a handful of times a year. Usually in the dead of night or in the shower. And only when she knows she’ll be alone the entire time. 

After she falls for ‘Ethan’ she can’t control her emotions as well any more. He’s always there for her even if he’s the source of her tears. 

When she’s mad it’s almost manic depressive. She gets really really low and cuts people out. ‘Ethan’ will not have that. He will not let her go through this alone. Even if she doesn’t want him to see her or hold her he’ll still only be a short walk away. 

I think I answered this above ? Her family was her and her mom. They weren’t close growing up but once she moved away they both made an effort to keep in contact. 

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing? &  What’s their current main conflict?

Yes. She chooses whiskey and scotch for the connotation associated with them. She cannot stand scotch but the commitment to the illusion is greater than her taste buds. Her new friend Polly introduces her to wine. She gets really bad stains on her lips from red wine and no one tells her this until she’s half a bottle down with ‘Ethan’ and he comments on it. She’s so embarrassed and rushed to the bathroom to wipe it off. He stands just outside the doorway laughing his ass off. 

She’s the kind of drunk that wants a smoke or sex. Sometimes both. 

When other people are drunk and she’s not she cannot stand it and avoids them. Unless it’s her roommates whom she cannot avoid. She’s teasing and loving and will be a complete idiot with them. 

When ‘Ethan’ is drunk she lovingly teases him and finds him so fucking cute. 

uhhhhh her main conflict during the entire series is trying to find herself. She needs to stop being the person she is out of necessity and be the person she doesn’t know who she is at her core. 

Then there’s the conflict of falling in love with ‘Ethan’ given the circumstances and how stupidly happy he makes her. And the conflict of still loving the ‘Bryce’ she knew back then that still gives her butterflies and plagues her thoughts and dreams and then comes face to face with her temptation after all these years.

The Enigma, The Boy and the What If 👀

this girl’s just trying to figure life out because she didn’t have a strict parent to map her whole life out for her. it’s a blessing and a curse compared to all those she grew up with and modeled her life after. She’s just off on an unknown adventure making things up and she goes and stripping the past from her future.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties? & How have they changed over time?

She likes hipsters but if there’s an ounce of a chance she’s gonna be naked she needs a v-string even if they make her feel constipated. As for bras she loathes them. But apparently she needs them because of her body type. So if she’s gotta have a bra it’s padded and sexy. She’s not wearing it for her it’s for whoever will see her in it. 

Eventually she’ll learn to love lingerie. For herself, not for ‘Ethan’. 

The Hannah Evolution is messy. 

A generally happy kid -> bogged down by having a single parent and the connotations that comes with that -> curating the perfect personality not to put strain on her mom -> creating an air of mystery and becoming an enigma. of never sharing her true feelings with anyone, even herself -> going after her dreams even if it pisses people off -> stupidly letting herself fall in love -> self sabotaging her happiness -> letting the facade crumble and rising from the ashes   

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? & Your character walks into a cafe. What do they order?

Modern love letters are texts to wake up to and fall to sleep to. That’s something she romanticized with ‘Bryce’ and didn’t realize that meant nothing until ‘Ethan’ showed her. 

Cappuccino. Probably a lemon poppy seed muffin. Or if they do sandwiches it would be a panini. 

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Other people not related to her see her as arrogant and a closed book. She isn’t forthcoming and makes it really hard to get to know her on a personal level. That makes making friends in adulthood hard. 

Her ex-friends see her as selfish and fake and can’t deal with the drama that seems to follow her. They are actually really resentful for how well life was panning out for her once they all stopped being friends. 

‘Ethan’ is intrigued by her. She finds her brilliant and beautiful and he wants to know more about her. The difference is he’s willing to put in the work. He’s able to see the funny girl hiding behind the rogue exterior. 

She varies in how she sees herself. Some days she loves who she is and walks down the street with unwavering confidence. Other days she cakes on a face full of make up and becomes her alter ego. She’s never truly fully happy with herself. Something inside her is constantly looking for the next best thing to happen in her life and it is detrimental. 

52. How are you and your character the same? How are you different?

You can find the projection yourself 😅

I’m not as bold as Hannah. I also like to think I’m a little more lovable and have a better grip on reality than this mess. 

54. What does your character want, and what do they need?

She wants to be successful and shove her success up the ass of everyone who told her no growing up. She wants to be on the cover of Forbes 30 under 30. She’s creative and a bit chaotic and follows whims. She just wants recognition. 

What she needs is ‘Ethan’ and everything he’s opened her eyes to. 

55. What’s your character’s core trait? What’s their best trait? What’s their worst trait? When happens when these all interact with each other?

Instability. 

Her best trait is her drive. It’s a little shaky in the grand scheme of things but at her core she just wants the best life.  

Her worst trait is her tendency to write and cut people off without another glance. She does it swiftly and unapologetically. 

Gosh all of these things combined come out when she fights with someone and it’s terrible. There’s screaming and slamming doors and ‘Ethan’ doesn’t know what’s going on and wishes she’ll just talk to him. But she’s not that easy and he understands that but goddamn he loves her and for him this is worth fighting for. 

THE END.

[beautyiisterror]

10 questions tag 📚

Rules: answer 10 questions and ask 10 new ones. Thanks so much @therefugeofbooks for tagging me in this, i’m so excited!!!!!

1. What's your favorite cold drink?

if we are talking about alcoholic drinks, caipirinhas are the utimate cocktail, do not @ me!!!!! all flavors, are just *chef’s kiss*, but like in general i love orange juice and ice tea.

2. What's the first thing you notice about a person?

i honestly don’t know??? i mean, if they are goodlooking and not a bad person??? those are literally my two criteria. i like people who are smart and have pretty smiles and kind eyes, just not to sound shallow (which i kinda am lol)

3. Do you have any pets? What would you name if you had one (more)?

I DO!!!!!!! i have two pets acctually, a cat and a dog and they are EVERYTHING TO ME!!!! their names are jake (the dog) and belo (the cat). if i had one more, i would like to have a black cat named luna, because i’m a sailor moon trash.

4. What was your favorite TV show growing up?

i don’t really remember, but i used to love all shows with girls doing stuff? like winx club and totally spies. i used to love those!!! i still kinda do actually. 

5. What's your ideal vacation?

i love travelling with friends, and unfortunately, i don’t get to do as often. so i think my ideal vacation would be like travel to a really cool, unexpected place, with the biggest number of my friends that we can gather to such adventure. 

6. Is there any book that you want to read but by any reason you keep avoiding it?

you mean like, 70% of my bookshelf/kindle library????? hahahaha honestly, i buy books faster then i can read them so is always a HUGE tbr pile all around my room, i’m a chaotic reader, and i take no pride in that. but usually the books i keep avoinding are the classics, and the bigger ones. specially because, from a little time now i’m trying to add diversity to the cultural stuff that i consume, and it doesn’t help that most of the books i have here are from dead cishet white dudes. but i will get around reading them, even if is just to complain about it. 

7. What book do you hope will be turned into a movie or TV show one day?

one of the best books i’ve read this year was my sister, the serial killer by  oyinkan braithwaite, honestly, this book has everything that i love in fiction: complex women, sibilings relationships, FAMILY DINAMICS TO DIE FOR, pretty women comiting murder, humor... honestly five out of five stars, and i would love to see a movie adaptation of it. i would also love a kyoshi duology adaptation, even if i’ve only read the first book yet, i just love avatar universe so much, and kyoshi is my favorite avatar (ALSO A BISSEXUAL WOMAN OF COLOR IS JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it would be awesome to see a show about her. bonus points if it is animation, but honestly, there are so many great asian actresses around, i would love anyways.

8. Are there any books that are really popular but you dislike?

i can’t really remember many of those, even if i’m really picky with my readings, i’m quite easy to please. but a recent reading that was ABSOLUTELLY FRUSTRATING because i really wanted to like the book, was hanya yanagihara’s a little life. once again, the book covered subjects that i usually fell really drawn to, such as coming of age, found family, FRIEND GROUPS THAT DON’T FALL APART AFTER ADULTHOOD, non white writer/main characters, lgbtqia+ characters. honestly, a nox’s favorites textbook premise. AND YET, I HATED IT SO MUCH!!!! all the unecessary pain that some of the characters go to, that at one point through my reading i just rolled my eyes when something terrible happened/was revealed about the past of one of the main characters. and the identity of the non white characters wasn’t really explored as they should? it honestly felt like just more excuses to make those characters go through MORE PAIN. it was honestly hard to finish it up. and the more frustrating thing is that so many people seem to think this is a great representative book, just doesn’t sit well with me. i also think is impotant to say that there are SO MANY POSSIBLE TRIGGERS IN THIS BOOK, AND I DIDN’T SEE ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS BEFORE I READ IT!!! so i’ll leave a list of the triggers i was abble to notice throught out my reading, in case anyone is thinking about give it a go:

content warnings for a little life by hanya yanagihara: self harm, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, disordered eating, physical abuse of a minor, domestic abuse, abuse of character with a disability, loss of a child, drug abuse/addiction, sexual assault/rape, pedophilia, ptsd, forced prostitution of a minor 

9. When did you last visit a library?

wow it has been so long... i think it was sometime in march of this year, that i went to my college library to pick up some class readings that i had to do, and then QUARENTINE HAPPENED, and i still am with the books i picked up lol. thank god that they lifted up the tax for late books or else i would have to sell my soul to pay it hahahaha i really miss going to college...

10. Could you recommend me a book that you think is underrated?

THIS IS SUCH A HARD QUESTION!!!!!!!!!! as i’ve said, i’m trying to do more diverse readings, and in this time i have come in contact with celeste ng’s work, and it’s honestly SUCH GREAT STORIES!!! i also love some contemporary brazilian authors like vitor martins and lucas rocha (both were translated to english recently, and i really recomend that if you are a english speaker you check their work), i also loved laura pohl’s debute novel, the last 8, she is brazillian as well, but her work is published in the us so no excuse not to check out. also, if like me you are a big fan of avatar universe you totally should check the kyoshi’s novels by f.c yee!!!! i also been meaning to pick up the trilogy of the poppy war written by r.f kuang and children of blood and bone by tomi adeyemi, simply because: WOMEN OF COLOR WRITTING FANTASY!!!!! but it’s not really a recomendation, as i have not read those books, but i am definetly doing it in a near future. 

(another author that i can’t go without mention is olivia pilar, she is a black bissexual woman who writes love stories between black women, and some of her short stories are available in english as well, and honestly WHOLESOME CONTENT!!!!!)

— Here are my ten questions, i don’t really know who to tag, but if you see that, and want to answer it i would love to see your answers, so feel free to keep on the tag! i had a lot of fun answering it, and i hope you guys do to!!!

what is your top 5 literature characters, and why?

are you a tea, coffee or hot chocolate kind of person?

what is your favorite/chosen aesthetic?

if you were the final girl in a horror movie, which song would you like to play in the soundtrack when you got away?

who are your favorite relationships in fiction (of any kind)? 

how do you feel about villans?

what is your favorite boyband?

do you prefer physical or digital books?

what is your favorite type of story?

what is your favorite season?

Looking forward to see your answers ✨