#people going crazy about what twink takes it up the ass...

[adr1025]

seeing top/bottom discourse on 2024 is crazyyyy and of course it's genshin too

[gladiatorcunt]

you nailed how i imagined modern!feyd to be (batshit crazy) but you think he‘d let cute hello kitty reader put like stickers and bows on his motorcycle and stuff lmao? would he be an ass and be mean about it or would he allow it because reader is all sad and mopey otherwise 😔🎀 (maybe brat reader? like how would mans handle that in the modern au because in the canon verse pissing him off is a bit too scary) and alsoooo i laughed my ass off when you wrote he would debone coryo like a fish because yuh that twink (he could do bad things to me) wouldn’t stand a chance fr

he would actually make coryo so concerned, like they’re both from well off families (feyd just does underground fighting bc for the #love of the game) but coryo will be like “these poor people are CRAZY.” coryo gives off the vibes of he’d tell someone to kill for him (especially when he gets older, or he wouldn’t get his hands dirty if he does it himself & he’s methodical), feyd is tearing out throats with his teeth. he’d tackle his uncle and start stabbing, he’d gnaw his own arm off just for fun like you can’t compete where you don’t compare tbh. (coryo’s still my bf tho <3)

anyway,

cw: 18+ mdni, typical feyd warnings, spanking/pain play type stuff

modern!feyd would only let you put stickers on his bike if they’re the ones that are like hello kitty holding a gun or something. it’s not like he’s afraid that the softer ones will undermine his masculinity or anything, feyd’s ripping into other men with no real regard for keeping their bodies intact, it’s just that the cutesy stickers go on his helmet. he’ll let you tie a ribbon around his bicep and film videos of him flexing and making it pop off. he would wear matching pjs with you, but he doesn’t want to get blood on them so he sticks to his trusty sweats. he’s the kind of person to wear black in the hot summer sun because he’s spiteful enough to not give a fuck about heatstroke, like it’s something he could fight lmao. gets a matching dear daniel x hello kitty tattoo with you i fear, or a my melody x kuromi one since that’s more your dynamic.

brat!reader with canon era feyd does scare me to death, but with modern!feyd it’s fun to think about…. to a degree. like if you keep it up, he’s pausing the match and dragging you inside the ring to spank you in front of everyone. open palm strikes with half of his strength, if he used all of it your ass might fall off. his rings add even more sting. you learn quickly to know when to pack it up and throw in the towel, because he will NEVER be the one to test out your devious little ideas and macinations out on. he’ll shove a vibrator up your pussy and take you for a long ride on his bike, ignoring the way you try to hump him as he points out the sights he thinks you’d be interest in. weirdly punishes you by fucking nice and slow when you want your shit rocked, he doesn’t even edge you or anything, he just gives it you so soft and sweet and holds your hips down so you can’t try to buck them.

in some ways, you being at his matches has helped his abilities. (you do have to come to his fights btw, if you’re not there expect the rumble of his engine to be heard outside of wherever you’re at. feyd will get his unlce to cancle the match if you’re not there, he’s ultimately a certain kind of performer and if the key audience member isn’t there??? what’s the point.) he has to keep an eye on you, which helps him multitask. he’ll be punching some fuckin’ loser into an unrecognizable pulp while, out of the corner of his eye, making sure that no one’s trying to drag you into any wagers or into their cars. he’s curious if you could cum just from watching one of his fights, from hearing the agonized whimpers of his opponent as feyd effortlessly conquers them. something about you must be sick, because the more ruthless he is in a fight, the higher you’re jumping on him and the more marks you’re sucking into his neck.

you’re so clumsy with it, always putting too much teeth into your hickeys. but that’s just the way he likes it, because you know he’s actively holding back from biting you so hard that’s nearly cannibalizing you. (side note: loves gorey horror, nothing too funny or artsy, he likes shit that cares more about the pure carnage than quips or wide camera shots. hannibal is too “fancy” for him, he always asks you to explain what the fuck they’re talking about.) definition of mauling you like a bear, fucking him is like meeting God if they were an eldritch horror and you were on the brink of death. it is NOT for the weak, his thick arms holding you in a headlock as he pistons his gigantic cock into your cervix. he makes you cum until pass out, then he makes you do it again to wake you up. really good at resetting your brain if you need him too.

modern!feyd who gives you the ultimate scary guard dog priviledge. you’re going about your business in a store and he’s practically vibrating behind you, foaming at the mouth and waiting for some mf to try it with you so he can berserk. but no one ever takes the bait, just one look at his deranged ass and they’re swiftly turning on their heels and high tailing it out of the apple store (you’re taking too long to pick what color imac you want.) copies whatever pictures you saw on pinterest, acting as your little prop. wrapping a tattooed hand around your throat, mirror selfies where he’s holding you over his shoulder by your ass, gross close ups of his long tongue wrapped around yours, insta stories directed at paul specficially bc he won’t stay out of your dms. asks his opponents for date ideas while he’s beating their ass 💀, made his uncle organize a remartch (even though feyd won) with the guy who limped over to your adorably clad in pink form and asked you to get boba (because he noticed feyd giving you your favorite before his fights).

pierced dick, would sharpen his teeth and make his tongue forked. face tattoos + whatever piercing’s more painful. big in body mods overalls like he sees himself as an extension of his motorcycle that he’s always illeggaly modding, fast and furious type specs that no court of law would deem road safe. but he always devotes part of his brain to making sure you’re safe when you ride along with him, reaching behind him and his black painted nails rubbing comforting little circles into your plush thighs. ambidextrous by choice and practice, for sure has a cauliflower ear. whenever you’re sad and pouting, he’s grabbing your chin in between his thumb an pointer finger and lifting your head up so he lovingly teases you about being a crybaby and so he can lick your tears away. (and he doesn’t even do it with sexual intent, feyd’s genuinely just trying to consume your sadness directly since word’s aren’t his strong suit.) could fall asleep in an ice bath, has done it before, dad type snoring like you wouldn’t believe.

loves it when you ride him in any kind of water, you have to pack extra strength sun screen if you’re going to be out in the sun though bc he WILL burn more often than not. still has your pussy gorilla glue gripping his length though, there’s no pain on earth that would put him out of comission & that’s a promise.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 3

Propaganda Under Cut

Kairi

kairi is the third protagonist of the kingdom hearts series and the third member of the destiny trio, alongside fan favorites sora and riku. sora/riku shippers HATE kairi, and will go out of their way to discount her at every turn. the hate for her ranges from typical "she's a boring bitch" to fans of soriku making five-hour long video essays reassuring their fellow shippers that the big bad kairi won't show up in the next installment – to quote one video, "she's in a box. she's on the shelf. four walls, no door." kairi is the greatest bogeyman the soriku fandom has ever known, to the point where most of said video essays and fanon meta posts focus not on why sora and riku should get together, but rather on why they don't like kairi.

Literally has a 100+ page Google doc fan theory writing her out of the narrative and putting all of her (few) canonical accomplishments onto half of the popular m/m ship (soriku). Don't even get me started on how her memory was completely written out of the canon plot of re:coded. KH is a nightmare to explain so dude trust me she is THE victim of yaoi

She is so fundamental to the plot and themes and narratives of game and yet it is near impossible to find anything about her thats not ship bashing pre-mlm with the other two characters. I dont even care if she ends up with one of the main characters i just want fans to see her as a cool character to love or like, anything other than “annoying comphet girl.” You can write your mlm but pleaae stop inventing comphet where it doesnt exist. She does not even get to spend time with sora ever?? Why does everyone see her as a threat and a thing to destroy?? Let her have friends so help me

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime.

[wolfoftheblackflames]

Nyeh! I'm back at it again my fellow Tumblr gremlins! Enjoy some cuteness!

It had finally happened, little white specks fell from Hell's red sky, scattering across the landscape. Alongside this, Hell became slightly colder than its normal sweltering heat. The hotel crew blinked watching this phenomenon.

Charlie pretty much squeed, bouncing up and down like crazy making the others look at her. "Hon you look ready to burst. What is it?" Vaggie asked clearly confused.

"It's an Ashen Storm! It only happens once every decade, so it's very rare. It lasts for about a week, and during that time, people can make cute little ash men and have ash ball fights. Though I wouldn't recommend having your tongue out, it's very dusty and tastes like charcoal." The princess proclaimed quickly, dashing away into a room.

"A week is a long ass time for this shit." Angel Dust commented but looked intrigued by the beautiful landscape.

"I'll admit, it's kinda fuckin pretty." Husk muttered seeing out the window.

Though, once Alastor opened the door since he was curious, all the denizens shivered as the radio demon quickly shut the door. "My word, it's like a million ice packs mashed into the ground!" He narrowed his eyes at the Ashen Storm.

Charlie came back with some warmer clothes for everyone as she grinned. "Yeah, last time I got play in one was when I was small. My dad would make so many ash duckies with his fancy mold." The princess grinned, looking fondly at the ash covered grounds.

Vaggie couldn't help but find the outfit, Charlie had come out in super cute. It was a red sweater with a white stripe in the middle that had an apple like motif going on, and casual black slacks that draped loosely down to her ankles. She then looked down at the clothes Charlie had handed her. It was a soft looking grey and purple stripped sweater that looked like it'd float on her. "Did you know one was coming?"

"Yep." The demoness giggled, handing the other clothes to her friends. Angel Dust got a rather cozy pink sweater that said, "I'm a ho ho hoe." along the chest, making the spider twink smirk a little. Husk got a rather nice black sweater with card symbols running up the sleeves. He actually smiled a little since it was rather cozy. Alastor got a what looked to be a deer themed one where it was mainly red and black, he looked a little thrilled by it. With the last one being Niffty who blinked taking hold of what looked like a cozy little white one with fur decorating the hem, cuffs, and neck.

"Oooo, it's so fluffy and cozy!" She cooed wearing it.

"I like it, thanks toots." Angel chuckled, putting his on. He even noticed it had extra arm holes for his lower arms.

"Yeah it's not half bad." Husk slipped into his as he then fidgted to get his wings through the back slits.

"Thank you, my dear, for thinking of us." Alastor was already wearing his looking rather proud.

Vaggie chuckled wearing hers and looking rather adorable. "Is it me, or did you purposely give me a you sized one?" She playfully smirked at Charlie, who lightly scratched her cheek with a blush. "Maaaaybe." The blonde giggled.

Razzle flew in with his own little sweater that was a simple white with a golden trim. His brother Dazzle was in a black version of it as the two looked pleased. Sir Pentious blinked slithering out with a sweater on as well, his was more of a gear motif which he looked rather pleased with, his little eggs matching him. "Thank you for the sweaters. Your little friends helped my egg boys get dressed." He smiled at the princess, giving her a polite bow.

"I wasn't sure if you were busy or not, Sir Pentious, but I'm glad you liked my gift." Charlie beamed. However, she soon scurried off to the kitchen following Razzle and Dazzle as the two goat boys motioned for her to follow.

What followed up next was everyone having a small get-together, which blossomed into a party. Cherri had come by to bug Angel but blinked when she was offered to join the festivities. "Eh why not. I ain't fuckin goin back through that cold shit. Plus I came to mainly bug Angie." The cyclops woman smirked at Angel who chuckled.

"Well here, you get one too!" Charlie handed Cherri a sweater that was black and white with the words "Bomb-tastic Babe" on it. Seeing how it was cold as fuck out there, Cherri Bomb shrugged and put it on already feeling a lot warmer.

Alastor playfully smirked as Niffty pushed in a piano. "Here you go sir!" She saluted as Alastor nodded. "Thank you my dear." He soon perched on the seat and began to play for the crew.

"Oh Al you didn't have to!" Charlie chuckled but took this chance to dance with her girlfriend.

"Nonsense, you gave me a gift after all. I figured some music would be nice." The radio demon stated as he casually played.

Sir Pentious fidgeted but gulped going over to Cherri. "Um... W-Would you... Do a dance with me?" He asked offering his hand.

"Eh fuck it why not. I'm in a good mood." Cherri humored the snake man.

"Now ain't that cute. Someone's crushin' hard." Angel chuckled but then blinked at the hand that was offered to him. "Come on, you look like you want to as well." Husk stated with a slight smile. Angel blinked but returned the smile and went to go dance with the cat demon.

Niffty was just perched on the piano happily swaying her head listening to Alastor play what seemed to be a fun jingle.

The night continued with more dancing, a lot of tasty food thanks to Niffty and the goat boys, and finally playing some board games since everyone seemed to be in a good mood. Angel smirked, taking an empty bottle. "How about we spice shit up, eh? Does anyone wanna do truth or dare?"

"Hell yeah!" Cherri smirked casually leaning against the couch.

"Eh there ain't nothin I don't know about you folks already, but why not." Husk had a bottle of booze in his hand as he took a swig.

Charlie giggled excitedly. "Just nothing too weird ok Angel? But it does sound fun!" The blonde had Vaggie in her lap as she snuggled into her girlfriend.

Vaggie looked a little skeptical but shrugged. "Eh, fine, but if we don't like the question, we can pass.." The smaller woman replied narrowing her eyes at Angel.

"A game where you do something foolish or tell a secret? Sounds fun!" Alastor had a playful glint in his eyes as he sat on the lone arm chair.

"Ooooo is there gonna be pain involved?!" Niffty grinned with a maniacal giggle.

Angel Dust rolled his eyes but chuckled. "Alright, now since it's my game, here's the rules. Who ever the bottle lands on, the spinner gets to ask for a truth or dare got it?" He explained as he soon smirked. He started the game as bottle soon spun around.

The first victim Angel Dust got was none other than Vaggie. "Ah fuck..."

"Truth or Dare Vagina." He playfully teased, making the smaller woman growl at him. With a stern look, Vaggie answered. "Dare." She challenged as Angel Dust rubbed his four hands together.

"I dare you to do a stripper pole dance." He smirked, knowing Vaggie would refuse. "On this no less." He pointed to one of the pole like columns in the room.

Vaggie flipped him off but reluctantly left Charlie's lap, her competitor streak kicking in. "Alright, try not to get too horny." She smirked and went to the pole.

Husk, Sir Pentious, Angel, and Cherri all had a jaw drop moment once Vaggie started her enticing dance on the pole. The music was provided by a stereo thanks to Razzle and Dazzle. Charlie was beet red with her tail flickering behind her. "Damn princess, ya got yourself a nice find, eh?!" Cherri teased as the dance ended. Charlie was too busy being engrossed by each movement to really form words.

"Interesting, but of course Angel Dust would dare that." Alastor remained unphased since he expected it.

"Wow you're a fuckin natural!" Angel commented surprised but looked over at Charlie and laughed. "Too much so you've got little miss rainbow speechless!"

Vaggie blinked but shyly scratched her cheek only to sit down beside Charlie. "You good, sweetie?" She waved her hand in front of Charlie, who came out of her daze. "Uh huh..." The blonde managed to get out and cleared her throat.

Vaggie got to spun the bottle next. It landed on Cherri. "Dare." The bombardier grinned, wanting a challenge. Vaggie rubbed her chin trying to think of one, but then noticed Sir Pentious watching Cherri and got a devilish smirk. "Kiss Sir Pentious."

"The fuck? That's lame but alright." Cherri easily kissed the snake man on the lips. It made him jolt and blow up with all his eyes becoming swirls. "Wow..." He flopped over being the happiest man in hell right now.

Angel Dust laughed at this. "You cheeky little shit, not bad toots." He smirked, looking at a smug Vaggie.

"My turn!" Cherri spun the bottle.

The night continued with several antics, Alastor kept passing on his turn, Niffty never got one as she pouted, Husk had gotten drunk so getting him to do stupid shit was fun, Vaggie had a small rivalry with Angel going on and it made Charlie just flustered since the spider would get her girlfriend to do some reasonable kinky shit, and Sir Pentious was knocked out due to that Cherri kiss.

Cherri, Angel and Husk continued the game since it was fun to mess with the drunkard while Alastor gleefully watched. Niffty also joined in with messing with Husk but was kept in check by Angel. Vaggie noticed the heat radiating off Charlie and took her girlfriend to the balcony outside to cool off.

"Sorry about that, babe." The smaller woman apologized as she rubbed her neck. "I swear Angel knows which buttons to push.." She added with a grumble.

Finally, not a hot, flustered mess, Charlie smiled softly, looking up at the Ashen Storm. It's particals falling gently onto the ground. "I'm glad you had fun though and that I got to spend this once in a decade chance with everyone." She smiled warmly at Vaggie who remained close since it was getting very cold.

Vaggie looked up at Charlie. The soft lights really brought out those ruby eyes of hers as the taller woman looked back at her. "Hermosa..." Vaggie blushed realizing what she said.

Charlie blinked but then took one of Vaggie's hands and brought it to her lips. "I love it when you talk like that." She smiled, though Vaggie did see a playful yet adoring glint in those eyes. She felt the hairs on her neck stand up, feeling Charlie's warm breath on her neck. "Quiero hacerte el amor toda la noche, querida. ¿Puedo?" (I want to make love to you all night my darling. May I?)

It was Vaggie's turn to become flustered, fuck when did Charlie learn Spanish?! "O-okay.." She couldn't help it as her heart fluttered while pounding so hard against her ribcage.

Charlie smirked and gently scooped up her girlfriend taking her back inside and to their room for the rest of the night.

(Wooooo! I had this scene in my head for awhile. Yes I had the Ashen Storm kinda modeled after a heavy snow storm. I figured why not since I wanted a cute as fuck hotel gang friendship plus some funny yet spicy Chaggie/Starmoth.)

[snoopyrpc]

things that have been said in conversations with my best friend, a collection of dialogue prompts.

minor corrections have been made from their original quotes for spelling and grammar clarification. contains references to food, drugs, violence, (light) sexual situations, and medical procedures.

"i'm definitely not the kind of person who lies about things."

"i know a lot about children, being a former child myself."

"[name] seems old enough to use power tools."

"it’s important to me that you know this person wore a white button up to the gay bdsm festival."

"i could not imagine your ass at a bdsm festival."

"can we go get enchiladas?"

"unfortunately i think we would both develop gambling addictions."

"you have a blessed night."

"you can’t look like a baby deer AND try to hurt people."

"you're not crazy. and neither am i."

"do you want some sausage and kale soup?"

"he said 'you and [name] feed into each other's delusions.'"

"i think taco bell should have a michelin star."

"how about you go jerk [name] if you like him better, pussy boy."

"oh waiter, i'll take your most expensive steak, medium rare."

"you stupid twink."

[no dialogue but sends a dog picture]

"that’s not at all what i was expecting you to say."

"she’s not pleased with what people are saying about her son and his roommate, i’ll tell you that."

"there are so many things happening here. most of them are not good things."

"he looks like a bloke that goes to a footie match."

"i would like to see violence."

"i'm a normal age."

"i fell asleep early last night after eating a bag of chips for dinner."

"you'd love [name]. the man's got so many issues."

"i know this for reasons you don’t need to worry about."

"oh, those children are in danger."

"i already asked to get a divorce."

"well, he committed medical malpractice many times. i would never do that because i'm very professional."

"would you let [name] give you a lobotomy?"

"i'm just a regular doctor who gives out lobotomies and sometimes prozac."

"[name] said i need prozac."

"i don't know if i am gonna be able to function as a normal person because i did not function as a normal person the last time."

"i'll get my scissors."

"this makes it hard for me to feel nice things."

"should i pretend to care about men so things can happen for me?"

"i'm eating you in a sandwich with proscuitto and mozzarella."

[raapija]

Nando for the driver opinion bingo!

Asking like I don't know this after spening more than one second on your blog, but still asking because fun <3

Final bingo answer for now 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Thanks for everyone who sent me these ! I was surprised about how many I got, so thank you all 😭❤️

Fernando Alonso Díaz.... You old fuck. I used to be a certified Nando hater (thanks dad 👍) up until when he joined Aston. I saw that grandpa get his geriatric ass back onto the podium and I was instantly flipped from hater to lover.

I love this old man so much 😭 He used to be a bit of a shithead, but has since turned into grid dad and Canadian twink enjoyer ?? Love that character development for him tbh. He took one look at Lance and folded completely, pledging his whole life and soul to Aston Martin and getting fucking HONDA to sign a contract with them 😭 Nando being able to snake his way back into the Honda HQ should be studied, like my man trashed them for YEARS and then just like that he's besties with them again 😭😭😭 Crazy what a bouquet of flowers and a few nice words and handshakes can do...

He could crash every race, I'd still love him, just like Lance. But he's also the most complete driver in the history of F1. He's a freak of nature, confirmed by science, and no one comes even close to his level of knowledge and understanding about racing. He could jump on any kind of motorized vehicle and instantly know how to operate it. It's a crime he only got two championships. (2026... the 3rd is coming... I believe...)

Nando deserves a million kids but never had the chance to get a family.... So now he's taking in all these young talented guys like Nikola and Pepe and the youngsters on the F1 grid. He's become a mentor to so many and always encourages them and helps them get into the sport and shows them how everything works. He just wants to be a father figure so bad 😭❤️

He might be a war criminal, but at least he loves the people around him. And once he finds those people, he never lets go. He will love them forever. His personal crew has been with for like 25 years and he always finds a way to bring his people with him wherever he goes.

And he's the number one Lance supporter. If there's no Lance lovers left in the world, that means Fernando is DEAD. He will fight you in the parking lot for Lance and drive you over with his orange aston martin valiant.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Hellsing Rewatch: Episode Three Thoughts

One | Two

I loooove Pip

My favorite thing about Hellsing is that Dracula the novel has canonically been published in it. How did that happen! Why! Did Van Helsing commission it?? Are they meant to be genuine entries of their journals as a found footage thing?

It’s really funny and appropriate that the Wild Geese are like lmao monsters?? But also if I was a mercenary taken to this shady ass mansion with its own barracks etc I’d just believe any insane shit

Rip Iscariot letter Not Bomb stamp, you will be missed

Integra and Alucard both having a taste for the ugliest possible hats

Maxwell is SO extra he’s crushing his own glasses! Sir you need those!!!

Andercard 💖💖💖💖💖 They’re so fucking insane I love them

Also does this museum have no security? Is no one like uh. They’re drawing guns here.

AGDHFHFHGF Alucard grumpily going back to bed, does that mean he was asked to accompany them to the museum or was he just being nosy?

It’s SO FUNNY how Maxwell is Anderson’s boss now, he’s practically his son

HDJFJFGHDD REMEMBER MAXWELL MAKING INTEGRA SAY PLEASE IN THE MANGA

Why does Maxwell sound so proud when he reveals that the Vatican helped the Nazis 🥲

It’s so so so funny that Major and Dok personally showed up to the museum to watch all this discussion go down and also WHY IS DOK BLOODY AND WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT

What does Alucard mean that only Millennium, Integra, AND HIM are crazy enough to enlist the undead as soldiers. Are we talking level zero or something else????

Also lol. lmao. Walter acting like he doesn’t remember Millennium

HOTEL TWINK HIIIIIIII

Alucard did NOT need to do that poor twink right that, he changed his fucking life. He will never be the same

I looooove the shot of Alucard walking into the hotel room with the rippling air around him

“With any luck they’ll not only dig their own graves but pay for the funeral as well” fucks tbh. It’s a really good line

The spirit of Harkonnen being like “Something terrible is about to happen” and it’s really just Alucard waking her up.

I love Alucard subtly correcting Seras saying “Good morning” with “Good evening” but also like idk taking the moment to respond politely despite being like “btw SWAT team here to kill us.” He also waited a REALLY long time to wake her tbh

I’m generally ambivalent to the gun spirit dream sequence shenanigans but the choice to have such a light silly scene before the absolute carnage that is the Rio hotel fight is such a good tonal shift.

Rio sequence my beloved 💖

I love the beat when Integra questions if Alucard is going to show any restraint or like moral qualms at all in the face of adversity and Walter reminds her that he’s a monster. It definitely has the tone of a conversation they’ve had before.

Alucard’s so mad at the soldier committing suicide like I WANT THAT OUT DAMNIT

He’s having such a meltdown!!

“This is just the way it is” is it tho 🤔

Oh no the Rio call. In front of Walter’s salad

I think the Rio call (where Alucard is doing all this grandstanding about being a monster with zero remorse and needling her about potentially not being up to making a tougher call) is actually really interesting after him reacting so strongly to the one soldier killing himself, and then seeming to lose his own resolve a little bit when he realizes he’s been so harsh to Seras.

Walter like “I’m only the butler… I an not engaging with this shit”

Elevator sequence 💖💖💖💖💖 It’s truly really good nonverbal storytelling

I love that Major monologues so much that no one’s even trying to talk to him, they know he’s just going to keep going.

“I’m called the Dandyman” and Alucard’s like. Did I ask.

“There’s absolutely no reasoning with you people” WHEN DID YOU TRY TO REASON WITH THEM

Pip 👏 gets 👏 shit 👏 done 👏

The show does such a good job establishing just how gross and disgusting Alucard is

Oof the arm scene 😬

The one panned out shot where Alucard’s drinking from Alhambra and his proportions are so fucked that he looks like an Adventure Time character

Alucard making Pip on the fucking hijacked helicopter with a gun to the pilot’s head while he monologues 😭😭

It’s so funny how seriously Dok takes everything whereas Major is just like “Hell yeah!! Mayhem!!!!”

Dok’s still bloody omg, it’s also all over his coat like front and back? Did he deliberately just splatter it for edgy aesthetic purposes?

I NEVER noticed that young Walter was placed with the Millennium characters in the end credits. It’s crazy that they have that so early lol

[astradyke]

Let's talk about how phil has more of the "he would never cheat so im not really jealous" vibes, while dan is literally the "you know other men?" meme. They're so funny. Obviously I know Dan is joking in some of the clips but you SEE his initial reaction before the joke even forms in his mind. Like that moment in the video yeet it or keep it when phil says his sweater smells like another man. You can hear the '"excuse me" dan is actually shocked and slightly annoyed, obviously not really threatened and he then continues the joke that he's jealous but you can tell his initial reaction was genuine. The EYEROLL on the coincidence with sam the surfer bffr

not sam the surfer 💀 Dan and Phil lore is so crazy all the time

no but i kind of have a take on this bear with me kindly, but like. i actually really do not think Dan is as jealous as people take him for a lot of the time, not because Dan isn't jealous at all but because i think Dan is only jealous about some things.

this kind of flows into a very different discussion which is my own ambivalent feelings as to whether i think Dan and Phil are monogamous or not, but i actually feel like in a lot of sexual situations where Dan makes a reaction about something, it gets misread as jealousy when it's usually just him being shocked or making fun of Phil or something et cetera. my favorite example is the arching back builder tiktok because i MAINTAIN with my WHOLE HEART that they were having a SOCRATIC DISCUSSION ABOUT IT!!! THEY WERE THE PHILOSOPHERS MEME!!! these were two tops seeing a man with a damn good arched back and going wow... so true. but also obviously Dan was making fun of Phil because crazy ass thing to come up on tiktok lmfao

but like, a lot of things in that vein don't read to me as jealous. what i do think maybe elicits some like, jealous responses out of Dan, are things that are more like... not romantic but leaning that way? like the Sam the surfer thing because come on man hasn't everyone heard that only Dan and Phil have divine connections? that ancient Adam clip also comes to mind lmfao, and the radio thing about the woman wanting to move in? and like you said even though i think the clothing bit was A Bit i can see it slotting into this category i'm loosely laying out. like these things i DO see Dan being a bit jealous about; obviously not excessively especially as time has passed, it was probably worse when he was younger and is far less existent now, but he has self admitted to being a jealous person and i definitely think you can see that with more like romantic things. y'know?

anyway i don't mean to like contend with jokes because one thing about me is i am no.1 jokester at heart but sometimes i personally see posts and i'm like... i really just do not think Dan was being jealous with this one to be honest. i fear we (royal we) might not know what jealousy looks like. so sometimes i'm a little thrown off by interpretations that he is Very Jealous when i'm like... i DO think they communicate though. and that Phil obviously has other friends and has been found to be attractive by other people, Dan maybe just historically really doesn't love the idea of anyone else being in love with Phil or vise-versa. and i mean, handshake on that i so get it.

ANYWAY sorry to soapbox i can probably better explain my thoughts later but i fear your ask just activated this tangent in me because i'd been cooking on how to talk about it for a while. Phil definitely seems to be better at handling jealousy while Dan has a long standing issue with it but i think it's a lot less about Phil being with other men or having sex with them maybe and is a lot more about Dan being cynical towards Phil having like Destined Meetings with someone, or Phil having a person who replaces Dan's role in his life. like twink with the ass on tiktok isn't going to be a Dan but maybe Sam the Surfer will if it's like a bad day you know

[cosmicjoke]

OMG I don't know if you've seen this yet but in the Levi tag 7m7n7 has made another post insulting you and some of your mutuals(didn't even take her a week lol). Basically she said you hate top/masculine Levi and that you did woobify him and think you own him, and that you're just like every other eruri. Also they posted a bunch of eruri accounts and some were calling Levi a twink, Erwin's bottom pillow princess. Others saying they can't see how other people can call Levi straight and dom, others using gay slurs etc. You know, the post is kind of crazy and all over the place. I think the thing 7m7n7 doesn't get is how big the eruri fandom is and how every big fandom has bad apples. That's not an excuse but it's a fact. Bad apples can literally be found in the self shipping community too, we've seen how some of them have issues with Levi showing vulnerability or emotions outside of anger. As well as with other Levi ships all round. Personally I wouldn't care if she goes at it with those eruri shippers who she feels are degrading Levi's character but she literally attacks every other eruri shipper, THAT'S the problem. She even goes after those actually minding their business and are not even on twitter or Tumblr but are writing their fics on ao3. She says the most vile things to everyone. Sorry but there's LITERALLY no excuse for her to tell one eruri ao3 writer that she's glad that her father died or telling other people she wishes they die or get raped because they have degraded her favorite character, which she herself also degrades and mischaracterize btw. I don't know how she doesn't notice how fucking crazy she sounds?!? Thinking she does what she does because she's fed up of the eruri fandom. And the funny thing is, I know some of the eruris she posted about as proof to show that even other eruris were also complaining about some eruris teasing self shippers or being misogynistic(which literally proves that not all eruris are the same lol because they literally call eact other out. It literally flew over her head) And she has insulted and attacked those she sees as better eruris too lmao, so what's her point. Plus those eruris also dislike her and have her blocked.

Additionally, she even attaked YOU, a very well known Levi defender who had also been going at it with some toxic shippers from all round, from some eruris and self shippers alike. So clearly she's full of shit.

And the hypocrisy is that okay fine she hates eruris, then why does she also hate rivakopon lol. She literally called someone MENTALLY ILL for saying Levi and Onyankopon likely got closer after the war. This person was a Colt/ Falco fan account btw so not an eruri lol.

Let's not forget she has also been caught cosplaying as an eruri on multiple occasions on different alt accounts. So at this point she might likely as well be some of the eruris she's complaining about. How are we to know.

lol, Yeah, I just got tagged, so I've glanced at the meltdown of epic proportions @7n7m7 is having. I only read like the first three paragraphs before I lost interest, lol. Maybe I'll read the rest later just to have a laugh. She's nothing but a freak show and a loser. The fact she can't accept on any level that her interpretation of Levi is just as much bullshit and fantasy as the worst eururi shippers who characterize Levi as some submissive bitch, again, just demonstrates her biblical levels of unawareness. The fact she keeps ranting without having any concept of what she looks like, any concept that everyone and their mother can see SHE started it and got her ass called out for it, again, demonstrates her complete lack of introspection or intelligence. And the fact she can't let it go just solidifies that further, lol.

At the end of the day, what this really boils down to is her insecurity and delusion. She's "in love" with Levi, she says, but what she's really in love with is her warped sexual fantasy that she imposes onto Levi's character, and can't bear to acknowledge Levi's actual character and who he actually is, because it disrupts her ability to indulge in that warped sexual fantasy. That's why she rages against every male/male ship that involves Levi. It's why she hates the idea of Levi being with Onyankopon. She's a fucking homophobic piece of shit, and also apparently likes the idea of Levi slapping the shit out of her, so, you know... If Levi was real, maybe she'd get her wish, just for her being such an incredible dumbass, though, because I know Levi wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot pole, otherwise, lol.

Anyway, this whole thing has just left me laughing. She's whining about her response to my call-out post only getting two replies and trying to blame it on me harassing people, when I've never harassed anyone or sent anyone anonymous messages, or any messages at all, lol. She only got two replies because everyone knows she's a fucking moron and that it's her own fault this all happened, because she couldn't just be normal and disagree with even an ounce of respect.

It's fine. She's wrong about Levi, and she probably knows it deep down, and that's why she can't handle any of this, and can't handle people discussing Levi's trauma and emotions, because every time she sees it, it reminds her of how her own, fanon version of Levi that she harbors in her feverish brain is completely antithetical to who Levi actually is.

Keep trying @7m7n7. Everybody is laughing at the clown.

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 201 Rundown

Code Geass: Rozé of the Recapture: The Seven Stars off-screen kick the ass of one of the Einbergs and the guy his so humiliated at the next Evil Council meeting he’s basically shut out of the group and ends up shooting himself to avoid the shame, like damn Lelouch mentally fucked up some people but the evil organization is gatekeeping their own people now. More importantly Sakuya is FUCKING STACKED and is taking a break to lounge around in her underwear and I am kinda all for it. She meets with the Young Emperor’s new favorite secretary Natalia who’s apparently a double agent and like… idk maybe this café they meet in is a safe location and they DO have her meet in the Rozé disguise but it feels like having the emperor’s secretary meet with flashy twink terrorist is just as bad as meeting with the semi-generic looking presumed dead princess but what do I know, just saying Sakuya has confirmed people that look like her and ain’t NO ONE gonna mistake seeing Rozé on the street. They get Sakuya to act as a maid for the café now that we know she’s hot why not stick her in a maid outfit, also Ash saves the other waitress maid from some guys who threaten her for… having a job? God racists are so uncreative, but it is funny to watch him just take them out in two seconds and be like “I domed the racists, have a nice day”. And she brings Ash back to the café to get the awkward situation of him unknowingly blushing at his female brother in a maid outfit. It’s really funny how Ash is such a sweetheart flirting with her by talking about how he can cook and takes care of lots of puppies and kittens, idk how much Sakuya’s Geass messed with his personality given he’s supposed to be a silent killer but I’d say he’s probably just a killer AND a dork. Also kind of a side note when Natalia meets the Emperor it sounds like they have him voiced by an actual child which is just always kind of weird and puts into context the weird lines adults write for kids because it sounds like things someone with this voice shouldn’t be saying, still he’s naïve and afraid of the Japanese that keep trying to assassinate him for being a racist figurehead so who knows what we’ll do with that. Sakuya kind of wonders to herself what kind of person Ash really is thanks to the killer/dork dichotomy and the fact she’s resolved to kill him for killing her father. Meanwhile Catherine is now Sakura’s personal knight so we’ll get to see even MORE titties bouncing around given she can’t do an introduction without gainaxing like crazy. The Seven Stars regroup with a couple of new Knightmares for the main aces of the group and a flying tactical frame for Rozé so he doesn’t have to double up with Ash, meanwhile Ash tells his brother he’s in love, unknowingly with his alter ego. Before we can go too deep into that though turns out the Child Emperor has been assassinated (as child emperors tend to be) by a drone mosquito thing and as a result Sakura!Sakuya is going to be the next emperor, leaving Sakuya in the awkward position of the person she’s trying to save being the figurehead of the country she’s trying to destroy. Sakuya remembers being granted her Geass by Lelouch and the whole ‘the power of the king is lonely’ speech and I didn’t see Lelouch of the Ressurection so idk how that’s even possible but the “The dead protagonist didn’t die he just became the guy that gives out the powers” theory has always been popular since back when it was used for Death Note so I guess it’s not that hard to follow in the long run.

Ranma ½: Ryoga trains Ranma for the… gymnastics karate… thing, and is nice for all of five minutes before revealing he’s only involved to make sure Ranma loses and breaks off engagement with Akane by becoming Kodachi’s boytoy. Kodachi’s still determined to sabotage the match in the stupidest ways possible and her and Piggy!Ryoga end up aligning for this purpose. It’s kind of wild how much they hype this match up because apparently a local school rivalry is watched by TEN MILLION people and since they can’t give away Ranma’s name they just call her “this girl” the whole time, like how is a last minute replacement that won’t give her name or school ID or anything not immediately disqualified? Especially given several people want this match thrown out against Ranma. Ranma does finally have to give them her name and he’s like “yeah don’t worry it’ll work out” and everyone’s just like “yeah they have the same name, no biggie” because Ranma’s growing aware he’s in a gag show and bystanders have the IQ of a wet piece of wood. Kodachi chains Ranma to Pig!Ryoga which doesn’t matter much since Piggy’s so small and it basically just gives him a pig on a stick weapon. The match itself is really fun, kind of a really good example of what a good fight in a gag show can be like with lots of ridiculous turns and blatant rule-breaking, Ranma even getting turned back into a boy halfway through but getting bailed out from a save from Akane and his dad. Turns out Kodachi actively has her classmates under the ring to move it around so she can’t get flung out so Ranma tears up the whole area meaning only the perimeter is safe now since we’re on Cell Games rules. She eventually destroys Kodachi’s foothold and barely wins, so Kodachi decides to give up on Male Ranma… for like five seconds, yeah we’re not clipping a love triangle that quick this is a Rumiko Takashi work after all.

Arcane: Vander busts Vi’s heroic sacrifice to perform his OWN heroic sacrifice, but Silco busts in with Venom!Deckard to stop that heroic sacrifice and kidnap Vander and cut off the unstable peace deal between the two sides, the first ten minutes up this episode are just a series of people interrupting heroic sacrifices. Jayce and his new boyfriend break into Science Jail to get his shit back and prove Sciencing the shit out of Magic by just sciencing it harder is a great idea trust me bro. Meanwhile Vi goes to get Vander and Jinx gets left behind where she finally figures out the crystallized nitroglycerin she’s carrying is the shit that caused the explosion that caused all this shit and instead of that throwing her into existential dread her new explosion arsenal motivates her to blow some shit up so she’s kind of already a little unstable. Jayce gets the magic shit running because it’d be a short plot thread to say ‘it exploded and they died, the end’. Still Vi comes to get Vander and turns out it was a trap by Silco to frame Vander for abandoning the area since everyone knows he wouldn’t leave without his kids. They work on freeing him and Vi kicks some mook ass until Venom!Deckard comes and kicks her ass and forces them to retreat. Jinx comes in with the REAL villain of Toy Story 3, the cymbal-banging monkey and the resulting explosion kills the two secondary backstory friends and forces Vander to try and fight off Deckard, doing a decent job of it before Silco fulfills their backstory foreshadowing by finishing the job himself and having Vander have to go full Bane mode himself to save Vi before dying. Now with everyone dead but the two characters that actually make it into League of Legends, Vi’s pretty pissed that Jinx set off the direct explosion that killed most of her family though there is some reasonable doubt that they may have been screwed anyway given Deckard still kicked Vander’s ass in the end and having to get three kids out of there definitely would’ve been a lot harder even if he’d somehow managed to Hulk up, so yeah the direct cause of their death is Jinx but it’s sort of a trolley problem situation where her inaction may have still resulted in the same or similar amount of death.Still Vi’s understandably upset and blows up at her and gets like five feet away before wanting to go back to protect her but she gets abducted by the one Piltover guy left standing and Jinx is adopted by Silco to start her true advent as a Harley Quinn expy.

Dandadan: The group continue to fight the Acrobatic Silky and are able to briefly restrain her long enough for Okarun to hit her with his full force and take her out of the fight. Only one problem… Aira’s fucking dead, yeah turns out getting eaten by demons sucks your soul out. Though getting knocked the fuck out gave Silky time to think and now that she’s had a Snickers, she decides to give her aura to Aira to let her live. Though since Momo’s psychic and Aira’s receiving Silky’s entire being, both of them get Backstory Vision and see the spirit’s tragic past. A single mother up to her eyes in debt, she worked a variety of minimum wage jobs and prostitution to scrape by enough for her little girl, piecing together some form of happiness along the way but eventually being killed when fighting back against her daughter’s kidnappers, dying in the streets bleeding out looking for her. Apparently Aira could see spirits as a kid too (maybe kids are more sensitive to that or something since it was established she couldn’t see anything until she touched Okarun’s testicle) and called out to her thinking she was her own deceased mom who she was missing a great deal, fueling rage and obsession in Silky’s heart that festered to turn her into a youkai. Filled with regret for almost killing Aira and failing her daughter in life, the Acrobatic Silky starts to fade away, resigning herself to neither heaven nor hell and finding nonexistence to be her deserved fate. Aira musters her strength and gives her the biggest hug she can, thanking her for being a great mother, knowing they can’t truly fill the holes in each others’ hearts but appreciating the comfort she did give her in seeing a mother care so much for her daughter and knowing she deserves better than thinking she only destroyed her daughter’s life. It’s not known whether it was enough to soothe her spirit and help her find the peace needed to pass on, but Aira hopes she can find her daughter again somewhere soft and warm that will be kinder to them both.

Gleipnir: Claire finishes her Unbreakable Vow with Jason Voorhees lady and she reveals that she actually had a crush on Claire’s sister and doesn’t think she could be a bad person but idk if ‘she asked me to sit with her at lunch’ holds up to forensic evidence. Meanwhile Shuuichi and dog girl run into the evil faction’s ace who happens to have what I presume Sasori’s Susanoo would look like because it’s just a giant parental issue golem and it crushes Shuuichi’s costume like a soda can with dog girl inside. Turns out that doesn’t matter though because this just unlock’s Shuuichi’s Inner Hollow and they basically… fuse, I guess? This is kind of a pretty cool mechanic honestly, like it represents his connection with someone and presumably manifests differently depending on who’s inside him when he does it. But yeah now he’s basically Ultra Instinct Berserker Dog Lady and that’s pretty cool, they manage to put Parental Issues boy on the backfoot for a moment before Claire’s sister stops the fight and dog lady is somehow able to remember parts of Shuuichi’s past that he’s blocked out and sees his relationship with her and presumably why she gifted him the mascot suit powers and is so yandere towards him, so she stops him from trying to kill her. The bad guys escape and Claire and co. find Shuuichi with a naked dog girl still alive inside so that’s good, didn’t want dog girl to die already.

Trigun: Vash and the girls are in a new peaceful town where Vash involuntarily makes friends with the town drunk. Turns out this is kind of the “good guys with guns” episode since the backstory is this gunsmith Vash is looking for to tune up his gun gave everyone in the town a gun to drive off some bandits Seven Samurai style, now given the only important character we’ve met is the town drunk who noticed Vash’s gun was out of tune, three guesses who the old gunsmith is. Turns out turning this town into an average American city had some consequences as a bank robbery gone wrong claimed the lives of Frank the smith’s wife and daughter, resigning him to a stoic ‘do nothing as to no harm’ philosophy. This holds until more bank robbers descend on the town and Vash confronts them, telling Frank letting bad things happen isn’t the equality he’s looking for. Vash’s nobility stirs up the townsfolk who are all still fucking strapped and run the Vash Impersonator of the week out of town (come on this guy wasn’t even wearing red or blonde, they’re not even trying). Frank resolves to quit drinking and go back to the messy process of helping people instead of just stopping trying and Vash gets his gun fixed as Meryl follows him out of town.

Revolutionary Girl Utena: It’s a Nanami episode so get ready for the stupidest shit you’ve ever heard. At one of her fancy parties Nanami receives a designer cowbell as a present and puts it on without even looking at it. From then on the episode becomes a real Emperor’s New Clothes situation with no one quite knowing how to break the news to Nanami that she looks stupid and is wearing farm equipment. It’s really kind of remarkably stupid in a way I’ve only seen from this show’s filler episodes specifically, but wait, it gets worse. Nanami has a dream of Touga shipping her off to be steak and then eating her, Freud would have a field day with that one. And next she becomes more docile and sleepy and just starts BECOMING A COW, like some of it you can chalk up to Nanami being stupid and easily influenced but no by the end of the episode she is LITERALLY A COW. Utena manages to Dios Thrust the bell off her with a pitchfork after doing the Matador thing everyone knows is a myth now (also doesn’t that only work on bulls? Nanami’s clearly a girl cow, she has udders like that cow from Barnyard). And at the end it turns out Anthy named her cow Nanami in a surprising little bit of spitefulness which doesn’t make sense that the bell was ADDRESSED TO THE COW, but that’s fine, I just kinda wanna know WHY WAS IT MAGIC!? Like the rules of this show are so strange it’s just like “Anthy where did you get a magic cowbell?” “Internet” and I can’t, the fucking Nanami episodes break my brain, I can’t.

[musicalyeetreblr]

In shiz portion

I feel so sorry for dillamond.

Glinda kaveh moment

Proof of having opinions lmaoooo

We wouldn’t have gotten our doomed yuri if Glinda wasn’t shy apparently

Ama clutch a real one

Not even a sentient Carp is crazy

Wait that’s nice

Elphaba is sooo beautiful

Gay Glinda moment

Shenshen is loaded apparently

I like how atp they don’t gaf about the green thing they just think her clothes suck ass

I love Glindas fixation on architecture

Elphaba not feeling like a full person:(

Gay Glinda moment

TOSS TOSS

Highkey interesting that unionism and lurilinism used to go hand in hand

Even in oz people wanna bang their tas

Kinda sad that the boys know more about the world than the girls in the college

Ok Elphaba the poetry master

Not Madame morrible pulling out the it’s satire

BOAR :D

Elphabas beef w boq lmaooo

His dad is bfee?

She probably doesn’t want rocks thrown at her again

Glinda said racism knock it off

Gay Glinda moment

Pfannee kinda ate

Gay Glinda moment

Avarics intro sentence is fucking hilarious

PHILOSOPHY CLUB NOOO

Take a cold shower indeed

Does avaric wanna fuck boq?

Mf is so pissed abt the lettuce

Being like siblings awwww

‘I could be in love with you’ or Glinda

Looks like a hedgehog lmaoo

For a poor boy elphaba does not rest lmaooo

Ho I think u just want a girl munchkinlander

His silliness

Elphaba is so savage lmaoo

Girl by accident if not by choice 🏳️‍⚧️?

Gay Glinda moment

Boq is so delulu

CROPE AND TIBETT LETS GOOOO

DEMURE💜

Glinda just casually flexing on boq that Elphaba works w doctor dillamond

Gay Elphaba moment

Boq dickrides dr dillamond so hard

Boq said racism knock it off

Elphaba gender moment

Elphaba ate

Not boqs pet twinks being theatre

Crope and tibbet match elphabas freak

Dillamond invented microscopes!

TIBBETTS BLOND?

Piss baptism

Crope and tibbetts freaky pirate fantasy

Gay Elphaba moment

I think boq should just fuck avaric

Elf in the self lmaooo

Pfannee is a bitch but she lowkey eats

Gay Glinda moment

DORTHY PROPHECY

gay Elphaba moment

NOOOO

CHARMED CIRCLE LETS GGOOOOOO

NOOOOOOO

Not Elphaba calling her brother an alpha cis straight white man

Glinda gay moment

Subtle foreshadowing

Did boq just call fiyero a slur

Nessa Glinda beef

Not boq calling fiyero broke

Avaric a cunt

Not tibbett thinking fiyero was gonna steal his mans

WHATS NANNYS BEEF W TURTLE HEART

Madame morrible talking like Mauvika from genshin

This is modern feminism talking

Said ableism knock it off

Gay Elphaba and Glinda moment

Fiyero tryna rizz Elphaba up

Oh no they at the stripped club jorking iit

I don’t know what’s funnier the trans tiktoks or the blond brigade

How does boq know the robots genders?

YOOO THE TIGER

Gay Glinda moment

Forgot abt glindas architecture obsession

Wait did she bring Glinda w her to lock in

Tell them I kidnapped you 👀

Gay Glinda moment 😞

[wundergeek]

I had an attack of absolutely cursed inspiration and ended up cheating on my current multi-chapter WIP to write a dream sequence crackfic that is: 1) as close as I will ever get to porn without plot and 2) possibly THE MOST DERANGED THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN

New FFXIV fic: I had a crazy dream about a Scion sex party

Length: 2.8K words, wall-to-wall smut Alisaie/G'raha/WoL, Aymeric/Estinien, Urianger/Thancred, many others with enthusiastic consent (and no incest)

Excerpt below the cut

I was standing outside the Rising Stones, holding a party invitation I didn't remember getting. After a moment's hesitation, I walked in through the public bar and into the Scion's private back rooms, only to freeze in the doorway.

There were naked Scions fucking on nearly every available surface. G'raha was bent over a table at the center of it with Thancred balls-deep inside him while Urianger worked Thancred's ass open with his fingers.

What in the hells was going on?

And when had I taken off my clothes?

"You made it!" I heard Tataru's voice before I saw her bustling over - somehow she was fully clothed while no one else was. "It's about time you showed up. I was afraid I was going to have to refund people's tickets."

"Tickets?" I asked dumbly.

Tataru ignored me as she turned toward a line of people standing behind a velvet rope. "Number one!"

A hot viera twink walked forward, handed his ticket to Tataru, and went to his knees in front of me, staring at my slowly stiffening cock as if it was an object of worship before taking me in hand and starting to stroke me.

"Whoa!" I spluttered. "What's going on? I don't know you!"

The worshipful twink ignored my protests.

"He's not a Scion," I protested, looking over at Tataru.

"It's a fundraiser," Tataru said with a shrug as she showed me the ticket the viera had handed her. It read 'Touch the Warrior of Light's Dick'. "Be a good sport," Tataru added, giving me a pleading look.

I looked over at the long line of people presumably waiting for their turn to touch me. Sighed. And allowed Twink Number One to continue stroking me for another half a minute. "All right, that's enough."

He nodded and left, looking starstruck.

Read the whole thing on AO3

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 4

Joan Watson

How were BBC Sherlock shippers so rancid about a WOMAN who wasnt even in the SAME SHOW?????

Martin Freeman of BBC Sherlock insulted Elementary and specifically Lucy Liu in the press. He straight up called Lucy Liu a "dog" in an interview APPARENTLY as a joke, because calling female actors ugly is hilarious. Benedict Cumberbatch was more measured about it, but he still said he was cynical about Elementary because it would lose the "male friendship" dynamic, which of course Johnlock shippers used against Joan Watson fans. Even the lead BBC Sherlock actors got in on the yaoi victimization of Joan Watson... 😔

she wasn't even in the same SHOW as the yaoi I've been convinced she deserves to win the entire poll. I was a Johnlocker but I did watch the first season of Elementary and it was fine????? It was totally okay????? Especially in hindsight given how hard Sherlock season four flopped. Also Lucy Liu is a queen and deserved zero vitriol for *checks notes* playing a character???? A fucking fictional character???????? Oh my god we were all SO mean to this show and we (or at least I) thought it was like The Good Fight™️, like we were defending BBC Sherlock against copyright infringement and straightwashing and Jonny Lee Miller's bizarre scarf, (it wasn't a good scarf I do stand by that) but then Elementary didn't make Holmes and Watson a couple either???? And also it didn't insult its audience constantly etc etc we've all seen the Hbomberguy Sherlock is Garbage video. This is really long sorry hashtag justice for Joan Watson.

Misa Amane

she gets treated in-canon the way fandoms treat female characters that Threaten an m/m ship. it's like, "oh why don't you go sit in the corner and be pretty, misa, while the Men have intelligent conversation and pretend they aren't ten seconds from fucking each other, doesn't that sound nice?" it's infuriating. and MAYBE it's better now but i remember her getting treated the same way in fanfiction too, like we all need to do just as badly by our female secondary characters as fucking tsugumi ohba, but with the added insult of making her be alternately oblivious of the relationship between light and L or actively trying to sabotage it—incompetently, of course, because god forbid misa be allowed dignity or moments of cleverness.

she's one of the first characters I think of when I consider old school fandom misogyny. The annoying bitch and clingy crazy gf allegations were AFTER HER ASS. She's also a lot more intelligent than people gave her credit for, but most seem inclined to take the Very Biased word of our unreliable, narcissistic narrator and his homoerotic arch nemesis and claim that just because she's bubbly and into romance that she's also a complete moron. Which is blatantly untrue. Everyone was afraid of Misa girlbossing too hard. Killing people and devoting yourself to the deranged twink of your dreams even though you know he'll never love you back??? Having a hardcore goth aesthetic and being so Hot even literal Death Gods are into you?? God forbid women do ANYTHING!

Not only is she the victim of yaoi culture, she is the victim of early 2000s misogyny by an author that wanted to introduce a girl character because he knew his male rivals were getting too homoerotic. She is a goth bimbo icon who portrays what I think is one of the few callouts for stan culture and what parasocial relationships can do to both the stan and the idol. The fact that she is a toxic fan of Kira and also hot, funny, sociable is tragic in its own way, which I think the author did try to touch on but was too misogynistic too really get through. Of course, she was reduced to villain status by the fandom and anime alike because she got in the way of the supposed romance in their psychological horror anime.

[shadyst0ner]

Just Tonight

short kinky drabble with dom Em for my sub Kells fans <3 will be completed over the next month!!

The roar of the crowd was almost deafening, even from backstage. Colson pulled his shirt up, using it to wipe the sweat from his face before tossing it aside completely. Fuck, that was a good show. Took a lot of energy out of him though. He contemplated lying down on the couch as he kicked his dressing room door open with the scuffed toe of his docs. Not a bad idea. He could catch up with the rest of the guys later, maybe go for drinks or something. His muscles trembled from the adrenaline of being on stage. Fuck it, he thought, practically dive bombing the shitty fabric sofa that was pressed against the wall. He deserved some rest after his performance. Barely noticing as his eyelids fluttered shut, he drifted into a dreamless slumber.

"DUDE! you gotta see this, there's a- oh shit!" Rook's voice dropped to a whisper halfway through his sentence as he noticed the sleeping form of his friend on the couch.

"Aww, sleepy Colson," he muttered to himself, staring for a moment before a brilliant idea popped into his head. Silently, he tiptoed to the table in the corner, grabbing a bundle of thin rope and a roll of pink duct tape. He made quick work of tying Colson's wrists together and slapping a piece of tape over his mouth. Rook could barely contain his laughter as he stood back and admired his work.

"Sweet dreams homie," he grinned, heading out the door and closing it quietly. Hopefully his friend wouldn't be too pissed when he finally woke up. After all, he'd pranked Rook more times than he could count on both hands. 

Marshall was getting seriously fed up with the amount of people who wanted him to squash the beef with MGK. Paul had called him to discuss it on Monday, and by Thursday night he'd been sent an long worded email from Diddy requesting they talk it out. He had to put his foot down, right? Eminem wasn't known for kissing and making up with the people who'd fucked with him. Actually, it was quite the opposite. Marshall didn't give a fuck about the stupid blond twink or his dumb new pop punk album. Not that he'd listened to it (on more than one occasion.) That was beside the point! He wasn't about to take pity on MGK just because his fans could get a little crazy on twitter sometimes. If it was affecting the younger rapper so badly, he should be the one grovelling at Marshall's feet. When Friday came around, he noticed even Royce seemed to be up his ass about it. 

"Maybe it'd be a good thing," he'd said. "You can move onto other shit without everyone bein' up in arms."

Yeah, that was the last straw. 

Now it was Sunday, and Marshall couldn't believe he was actually about to go through with this. He'd waited for the venue to clear out, but decided to pull his hood up as he stepped out of his car, just to be safe. Scrubbing a palm over his face with a sigh, he made his way up the steps to the back entrance of the stadium. The sound of his footsteps on concrete reminded him of his impending doom. What the hell had he gotten himself into? What if Kelly wasn't all talk and actually wanted to kick his ass? or even worse, what if he laughed in his face? Marshall grumbled something about "fuckin' Paul," as he trudged down the hall, stopping to pound a fist on the door of the young rapper's dressing room. No answer.

Shit, maybe he'd been too late. He jiggled the knob, surprised when the door swung open with a click. It wasn't until he'd closed the door behind him that he noticed the state of the young rapper in front of him.

Now that he was sitting upright, Marshall was able to see the disgruntled look on Kelly's face, which only seemed to darken when his eyes fell on the older man. He was squirming, thrashing about and throwing a little hissy fit, clearly trying to undo the bright pink ropes that bound his thin wrists together. Marshall couldn't help the small smirk that spread across his face when he noticed the duct tape over Kelly's lips.

"Pink really is your colour, huh?" he teased, mind focused on the situation at hand. The only response he received was a deadpan glare from the blond.

"How'd you get yourself into this situation? wait- don't answer that," he grinned at the irony. "let me guess...some crazy fangirl broke in here to get the big man all to herself?" Kelly didn't reply. He exhaled loudly through his nose, gazing up at Marshall with a look that seemed to beg help.

"Y'know, Kelly, I think I like you better like this. You can't run your fuckin' mouth," Marshall spoke, stepping closer to the man before him. "All tied up for me like a goddamn present," he purred. The blush that spread across Kelly's face didn't go unnoticed. Huh. Interesting.

"Is that how it is then? You got a little crush on me or somethin'? tryna pull at my pigtails? You're a big boy, use your words," Marshall gloated. "Oh wait. You can't."

Colson rolled his eyes at the laughter that followed. If this asshole wasn't gonna help him, he was doomed to sit here and listen to Eminem taunt him for God knows how many hours.

"Aw, don't be like that. Here-" Marshall yanked the tape from Colson's mouth, causing him to yelp in pain.

"OW! fucker..." Colson mumbled, raising his wrists to rub at his mouth. "The hell are you doing here anyways? Fuck it, actually. I don't care just- help me get out of this," he gestured to the ropes.

"Nah."

"Excuse me?"

"I said nah," Marshall repeated. This was too good an opportunity to pass up, he decided, gazing down at the squirmy blond in front of him. "You didn't answer my question."

"What fuckin' question?" Colson spat. 

"Don't play dumb. I wanna know if you started all this just to get my attention. You got a crush on me, Kells?"

The younger rapper looked away, avoiding his eyes. "It's Colson," he muttered stubbornly.

"Well, Colson, you still didn't answer my question," Marshall sing-songed. 

God, he was annoying. Colson didn't know what he ever saw in-

"Wow, you're taking a really long time."

"Fuck you."

"If you insist," Marshall grinned, leaning in to gently press his lips to Colson's. Surprisingly, the blond wasted no time in returning the kiss, parting his lips to let the dark haired rapper's tongue slip inside. This had to be a dream. He just hadn't woke up yet, right? There was no way this was happening, no way that-

Marshall pulled back, eliciting a dissapointed groan from Colson. 

"Jesus, I can fuckin' hear you thinking," he muttered under his breath, moving back in to reconnect their lips. "Relax," he whispered into the kiss, earning a soft whimper that made Colson's cheeks flush with embarrasment. The older man pressed his bound wrists above his head, until they were rested against the arm of the sofa.

"Keep 'em there."

Colson wasn't about to object when Marshall was kissing him like that. He could feel himself hardening in his boxers as he was pressed into the couch by the other man's weight. He felt marshall's hands slip beneath his waistband, palming at his perky ass. The blonde squirmed out of Marshall's grip, panting as new air filled his lungs. 

"Nah, no way- I don't ride bitch," Colson stated defensively, glaring at the soft laugh that escaped the other man.

"You ain't really in the position to be making demands right now sweetheart," Marshall grinned at him. "Don't wanna bottom? That's fine. I'll see you around, Kelly," he spoke nonchalantly, standing to leave and nearly making it to the door before he heard Colson cry out.

"Wait!"

There was a moment of silence

"Come back, you cant- can't leave me here like this," the blonde said.

"You gonna let me have that slutty hole of yours?" Marshall turned to lock eyes with him.There was no mistaking the whine that escaped Colson's throat. So it was like that, huh?

"S-sure just...take it easy man," he muttered shyly, a soft shade of pink colouring his cheeks.

Marshall smirked, slowly making his way back to the sofa to rake his fingers through the blonde's fluffy bangs. 

"Good choice," he paused, brows scrunching up as he glanced around the small dressing room. "Lube?" 

"In my jacket," Colson nodded at the leather draped across the back of a chair. "Left pocket. You're gonna have to get it," he trailed off, embarrassed.

"You'd think I would've picked that up right Kelly? I mean-" Marshall's sentence cut off at the chuckle he let out, pulling his hand from the pocket, fingers wrapped around a little pink bottle. "Strawberry? Well aren't you just the cutest, princess."

"Shut the fuck up," Colson hissed through gritted teeth, glaring in the shorter man's direction as he made his way back to the couch. 

"You wouldn't want me to grab the duct tape now, would you Colson?" Marshall teased, sliding a palm up his jaw to cradle the younger man's face. The taunting smirk reappeared on the older rapper's lips as he forced Colson to face him with a bruising grip on his chin.

[celestialarchon]

400+ Followers Celebration!

various genshin impact x f!reader

warnings: fluff/crack/NSFW implications, jokes and innuendos. reverse Isekai storyline and a LOT of attention on reader. SPOILERS FOR IN GAME. Archon spoilers!

As much as you tried, connecting and staying in reality was too hard. It was always the same outcome, finding yourself whisked away to another fantasy land through media. Normally your obsessions didn’t last long, but one game had completely sucked you in. Maybe it was the stress of the nightmare year 2020 or maybe it was the fact that Genshin Impact was everything you loved and more, but you couldn’t get enough. It was getting out of hand as even your roommates had began to play because of the way you romanticized the game. Acquiring most of the five star characters, building several strong teams, and finishing almost all the quests in roughly 5 months.

As an insomniac, it was easy to grind through the game until the sun came up. Sometimes you wondered if it was strange that an adult would be so enamored with a game but shrugged it off. It’d been a hellish year, you deserved to treat yourself.

Yet another night spent entirely on the dreamy land of Teyvat. You yawned and stretched as the sun peaked through the blinds and cursed yourself for not noticing the passing time. Removing your head set, you yawned again, feeling a wave of drowsiness wash over you. It was strange, you’d only been up one night and you were already so tired. Your home was quiet, all the roommates sound asleep as you crept into your bed under the covers. The stuffie you adored so much was soon in your arms as you drifted off, wishing to dream of traveling the world of Teyvat.

An extremely loud crashing sound woke you from your deep sleep. Instinctively you shot up, your arm moved on its own aiming for the space around you and swinging quickly and forcefully. Your fist made contact with something and you shrieked as the strange shadow crumpled. You flew out of your bed and away from the safety of your covers, grasping for the light switch.

Your panicked screeches only grew louder as the figure on the floor groaned and stood upright, still fumbling for the lights. Fingertips finally brushed the switch on the wall and you flipped the lights on. The sudden brightness blinded you for a minute and the mystery person as well. It hit you how stupid it was to turn on the lights in your room as soon as your eyes adjusted. Adrenaline was pumping through your veins as you rushed to the door. You could hear heavy footsteps from the other room. Other people were home you needed to get to them.

“Shiiiiit,” The strange person groaned again, “I drank too much.”

The voice was familiar and made you freeze for a moment. Mentally slapping yourself you darted out of your room but ran straight into a wall. Well, that’s what it felt like, but there wasn’t a wall outside your door. The force of the collision knocked you on your ass and you yelped as you hit the floor.

“Oh? What’s this?” The supposed wall turned to look at you, eyebrows arched as he stared down at you.

Your jaw nearly hit the floor as you looked up at the familiar man. That smooth voice, the long hair, the eyepatch. This had to be some sort of weird dream. No matter how hard you tried to move, your body wouldn’t obey. You heard steps from behind you and glanced back to see another Mondstadt troublemaker. A disgruntled anemo archon was slowly approaching you.

“Ehe, fuck, she hit me hard.” Venti giggled nervously.

“Poor thing,” Kaeya held his hand out to you, “Did the mean little twink scare you?”

The room was spinning, so you took the cryo pirate’s hand. Your jaw was probably still on the floor. His grip was strong and cool, it was bringing you back down to the reality of the situation you were in. Oh, the irony. You were not dreaming. Awestruck, you peered behind Kaeya into your living room to see even more Genshin characters just vibing. The esteemed geo archon was drinking from your favorite mug, two troublesome harbingers bickered in the corner of the room, a certain librarian was flipping through your books, both travelers were attempting to learn how to play uno. It was unreal. A pirate was flirting with a silver haired beauty.There was an astrologist examining your fish tank, an alchemist and a child terrorist asleep on your floor, and a fucking adeptus perched on your couch like a gargoyle.

Your roommates were nowhere in sight and your home was crowded by your fictional lovers. The absolute chaos of it all sent you over the edge. High pitched, clearly unstable laughter erupted from you. What else could you do? Cry? That wouldn’t change anything. All eyes shifted to you as you leaned on the wall, clutching your abdomen and giggling like a madwoman. Kaeya shifted away from you, allowing the others to get a good look at you.

Finally composing yourself, you stood up straight and introduced yourself, “Hello, why are you invading my home?”

“Hey girlie! I’m Childe,” The cheery harbinger nearly skipped up to you shaking your hand, “but you can call me daddy.”

Your face reddened at his bold introduction but you clicked your tongue avoiding his eyes.

“Hello, cutie. I’m Lisa.”

“Albedo, and this is Klee.”

“I tend to go by Zhongli.”

“Beidou! The lovely lady by my side is Ningguang.”

“Adeptus Xiao.”

They all introduced themselves so politely, you almost felt bad for acting a bit crazy. However, that feeling was quickly swept away by Kaeya and his sharp tongue.

“Kaeya, but I believe you already know that,” he smirked at you, “May I ask why you aren’t wearing any pants?”

“Oi, what?” You looked down and gasped.

Venti’s drunk ass had sent you into fight and flight mode so you had forgotten all about your night time attire. You were in an oversized Genshin Impact shirt without any pants on. Shoving Venti out of your way, you rushed to your room to dig for pants. Oh, how you wished you hadn’t forgotten about laundry. You hastily grabbed a pair of shorts that really didn’t do much except cover your underwear.

“I have shorts on now. You just can’t tell because of my shirt.” You declared entering the living room.

Some of the more promiscuous characters giggled at your embarrassment while Zhongli facepalmed and the most serious of them all, Scaramouche and Xiao, simply scowled. You sat on the end of your couch furthest from everybody else, nervous. Nobody had answered your earlier question. Apparently your discomfort was lost on the Adeptus Xiao, or he just didn’t care. He was in front of you in a flash, pinching your face and glaring at you.

“Why did you call us here you foolish mortal?” His tone was more annoyed than murderous.

Zhongli slapped Xiao’s hands away from your face and sat down next to you, “Be nice. She doesn’t know either.”

You nodded at this, and the room erupted in murmurs. Zhongli slipped his arm around you, patting your shoulder sympathetically. Lumine tossed the Uno cards down and glided to you, taking strands of your hair into her hands and beginning to play with it. Perhaps it’s because you played as both the travelers but the three of you seemed to silently click. Scaramouche and Childe began to argue again about something silly. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a certain bard and the charming Sir Kaeya raiding your liquor cabinet.

It was too overwhelming to argue. Lumine took her time playing with your hair while the others attempted to figure out how to go back to their own world. Xiao crept closer to you, truly like a cat. Beidou and Ningguang fawned over you and invited you into their relationship several times. You politely declined, knowing they’d have to go back to their world. It was disappointing and a bit frustrating.

Your wish came true but it was too good to be true. Albedo seemed to notice your silence. He gently maneuvered his adorable little sister off of him and approached you. His eyes were filled with curiosity, your silence only made his thoughts wander further.

“Can I experiment on you?” Albedo was blunt.

“Huh?” You blinked, unsure if you heard him correctly.

“I’m not sure if that was brave or stupid,” Childe snickered, “Has he always been this bold?”

“Tch,” Scaramouche rolled his eyes, “Thats a terrible pick up line, mad scientist.”

“Leave my cutie alone!” Lisa yanked Albedo away from you defensively.

The room was filled with protest at Lisa’s words. Zhongli merely sighed and pulled you closer. Venti’s dumb ass was floating around your living room hiccuping. Xiao was wedging himself between you and the arm of the couch. It was insane. Beidou and Ningguang noticed the two Liyue men snuggling up to you and marched over to the three of you.

Ningguang tried to pull you away from them while Beidou aggressively smacked at Xiao. Xiao was hissing at the beautiful captain and Zhongli was attempting to intervene. You shoved them out of your way and stood up, panicked by the attention. Lisa caught you as you tripped over your own feet but landed face first into her chest. She stroked your hair but was interrupted by Albedo grabbing your wrist and mumbling about experiments. The single moment Childe and Scaramouche got along was to pull you from Albedo but it became a quick tug of war over you.

Somehow, Klee was still asleep and Kaeya was just watching all of it go down.

“Cheeeeeeeeers, bitch bitches,” The Knight slurred.

“Enough.” Lumine and Aether both intervened.

Aether held his hand out to you, “You don’t have to pick now, but please say you’ll come with us?”

“You belong in Teyvat,” Lumine smiled at you warmly.

“So,” Aether continued “What do you say, outlander?”

All eyes were on you as the words left Aether’s lips. What would you do?

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me