#people don’t understand how terrifying it is to do that and the strength you need to stick with it

[inkykeiji]

i keep reading that lil story u shared and that’s just so heartbreakingly cute(?) idk,, i’m sending him good vibes

aw anon!!! 🥺🥺🥺 this is really sweet :(( i understand what you mean! it’s stuck with me for years, especially the way he said it like the ‘i can’t—i can’t take you out just yet’ was so,,, honestly i don’t even have a word to describe it. really earnest, maybe? not desperate or begging but a genuine hey, i’m getting out of here soon and i’d really love to take you on a date the moment i can. i dunno, it was really endearing! i really do wanna write something inspired by it 🥺 i sincerely hope he’s doing wonderful <3

[divinesangel]

— why people are jealous of you [detailed]

pm me for an affordable, in-depth personal reading! — 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

people see you and they don’t always understand. they are jealous of you, not because of what you have, but because of how you carry yourself. there’s a quiet strength in the way you move, in how you know what you want, how you’ve always been so sure, so grounded. you’ve always known what you want, clear and unwavering, standing firm in your choices. there’s a steadiness in you, a calm certainty that others struggle to find in themselves.

it unnerves them, because where they doubt, you are grounded. when they question, you are sure. you seem so complete, like you’ve mapped out your life and found your way, while they’re still wandering. and instead of looking inside themselves, they project their envy onto you, as if your certainty reflects their own uncertainty. they feel the pull of you—how others are drawn to you without even trying. they see the way you move through the world, pulling people in without effort, and it stirs something in them. envy. insecurity. they can’t quite explain it, but they feel it.

there’s something in your warmth, hidden at first beneath that cool surface. when people first meet you, they might mistake you for someone cold, distant. but as time passes, and you let your guard down just a little, they see what others have already seen—that warmth, that care that runs deep in you. it’s rare, the way you care so deeply, so genuinely. and that, too, makes them jealous. you are genuine in a way that’s hard to find, and that makes you stand out even more. the ones who already feel insecure around you, they feel this too, and it only fuels their envy. they see you as someone who can draw opportunities toward you without trying, someone who doesn’t need to push so hard. you just are. you follow your instincts, and things seem to fall into place. it’s like they’re in competition with you, even though you’ve never played that game.

they think things come easy for you, that you don’t have to try as hard, but they don’t see the work behind the ease, the quiet effort. they battle within themselves. part of them knows you’re not their enemy, that you’ve worked for everything, and that maybe, you’re even on their side, trying to help. but the other part, the envious part, pulls them back, makes them feel small in comparison to you. they know, deep down, that you’re going to succeed, and it terrifies them. that you are destined for something bigger. and while they fight their own feelings, they can’t help but see you as someone complete, someone who has figured it all out. they feel the weight of their own uncertainty when they look at you, because you remind them of what they’re still searching for. and it’s not your fault, but it makes them feel like they’re not enough. in their eyes, you’re already living the life they wish they could have, and that’s what tears them apart. but it’s their own doubts they’re really wrestling with, not you. you’re just the mirror they don’t want to look into.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

many people feel it, the quiet envy, watching the way you’ve come to treat yourself, like someone worth tending to, someone who knows their worth. you’ve been through it—transformations that have left you raw, broken open. maybe you come from a troubled past, maybe it was love or friendships that drained you, left you wrecked and empty. but you took that wreckage and rebuilt. you changed, over and over, until you became someone new. and it shows now, that transformation, it rises to the surface like light breaking through.

they see it, that shift, and there’s jealousy in how you've moved through things they can't fathom. they wonder how you’ve managed to endure so much and still come out strong, still doing well. they watch, but they don’t understand it—how you’re always changing, always moving forward. it’s like change is part of your blood now. when life turns, when things don’t go your way, you shift. you redirect yourself, finding the better path. and this ability of yours bothers them. they feel stuck, caught in places you’ve long outgrown. the distance between you widens, and they feel the emptiness in themselves more deeply because of it. they watch you keep moving, eyes always on the horizon, while they hesitate, afraid of what lies beyond their small view.

despite your past, despite the weight of what you’ve been through, you still hold hope for what’s to come. your vision, who you want to be, who you’ll allow into your life, it’s all clear now. instead of breaking, you’ve taken your wounds and made them into armor. you wear your scars with strength, but still so soft, never pretending to be more than you are. you are honest about your journey, open about what it’s taken to get here.

and this is what unsettles them. they can’t face their own cracks, their own unhealed wounds. they watch from a distance, filled with a passive longing, a quiet bitterness. your heart is full, and they see that. they see how you’re not afraid of the unknown, how you’re building a life that reflects what you want, even if it’s still in pieces. and they can’t grasp how you find contentment in the progress, how you’ve taken nothing and built it into something beautiful. you’re getting what you wished for, piece by piece, and that stirs something in them, something they can’t quite name. they want that strength, that quiet power, but they haven’t healed enough to claim it for themselves. so they watch, unsettled, as you thrive.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

there's a sense of peace in your life that unsettles others, a peace that runs deeper than happiness. it's not just contentment, it's a kind of emotional depth they can’t touch, can’t understand. you’ve built something solid—your own home, your own space, a belonging so sure of itself, it shakes them. while they skim the surface, jumping from moment to moment, you’re grounded. you know how to build connections that last, that matter. it’s that steadiness, that contentment, that upsets them the most. you don’t boast about it, don’t need to. but they see it. they see you living in a place they can’t reach, and it leaves them feeling empty, like something inside them is missing.

sometimes, this feels less like a general crowd and more like one person, someone who feels unsettled just by how you move through the world. you have this way about you, this ability to create connections and tend to them, to take care of the people who choose you. and when a friendship goes wrong, when something turns nasty, it’s not your fault. you know how to hold onto people, how to keep that peace around you. so when things fall apart, it’s not a reflection of you. they see your calm, your balance, the way you move forward without rushing, without crumbling, and it makes them uneasy.

you’ve found a middle ground, where you can grow and stay strong, without falling apart. and that community you’ve built, the people around you—it’s strong. or maybe you just know how to get along with everyone. there’s something approachable in you, something that draws people in, makes them want to know you. but that can make others jealous. it’s a double-edged sword, meeting so many people and letting them in. but you see through it all. you don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment, and you’re not cold either. you have a clarity, a way of seeing people and situations for what they are.

you’ve learned to protect yourself, to keep out those who don’t belong. you know your worth, your value. you’ve built this, and you protect it fiercely. you only want healthy, nurturing relationships, and you’re careful about who you let in. that makes people uneasy, too. you don’t let strange energies into your space, because you’ve worked hard to protect your peace. in the past, there were friendships that hurt, that didn’t understand you, that crossed your boundaries. but now, you guard yourself, and not everyone can handle that. they can’t handle how sure you are, how much you’ve grown, how much you’ve learned to care for yourself. you’ve come a long way, and not everyone can keep up.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 !

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €7 and soulmate readings for €14 so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

[grison-in-space]

Listening to Artificial Condition again, it strikes me how much Murderbot uses empathy reflexively as a survival skill. Look at this bit.

Upon meeting it, ART allows it on board and then announces that it knows that Murderbot is rogue. Then ART threatens to destroy it if it hacks ART's own systems. Murderbot is immediately terrified and shuts down all inputs, gives serious thought to spending the entire three month journey unconscious, and then considers the potential avenues of damage from ART's drones. ART, not realizing why Murderbot had suddenly gone silent, tells it to quit sulking, which understandably pisses off the still-terrified Murderbot. It dumps a bunch of memories of coercive treatment into ART's feed, and ART goes silent.

Then this happens:

Then it said, I’m sorry I frightened you. Okay, well. If you think I trusted that apology, you don’t know Murderbot. Most likely it was playing a game with me. I said, “I don’t want anything from you. I just want to ride to your next destination.” I’d explained that earlier, before it opened the hatch for me, but it was worth repeating. I felt it withdraw back behind its wall. I waited, and let my circulatory system purge the fear-generated chemicals. More time crawled by, and I started to get bored. Sitting here like this was too much like waiting in a cubicle after I’d been activated, waiting for the new clients to take delivery, for the next boring contract. If it was going to destroy me, at least I could get some media in before that happened. I started the new show again, but I was still too upset to enjoy it, so I stopped it and started rewatching an old episode of Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon. After three episodes, I was calmer and reluctantly beginning to see the transport’s perspective. A SecUnit could cause it a lot of internal damage if it wasn’t careful, and rogue SecUnits were not exactly known for lying low and avoiding trouble. I hadn’t hurt the last transport I had taken a ride on, but it didn’t know that. I didn’t understand why it had let me aboard, if it really didn’t want to hurt me. I wouldn’t have trusted me, if I was a transport. Maybe it was like me, and it had taken an opportunity because it was there, not because it knew what it wanted.

The thing about Murderbot's survival is that it clearly involves quite a bit of negotiating with other constructs and bots. That's how it talks its way onto cargo hauler bots in the first place. It uses empathy--envisioning the emotional and cognitive context of the individuals it encounters--to work out what different kinds of people want, so that it can offer them fair trades. It also uses empathy to consider what humans might be looking for, so it can practice blending in and hide.

Murderbot would never have survived so long if it wasn't capable of assessing the individual desires of the people--human, bot, and construct--around it. It thinks about ART's probable fears and motivations so that it can consider whether ART is inherently an ongoing threat or a potential ally.

When your survival depends on evading detection, you get really good at assessing perceptual biases so that you can shape yourself to fit into them. People talk about murderbot being radically empathetic as a choice it makes, or as a feature of its personality that makes it a good person. But I think murderbot would be the the first person to tell you that this empathy is part of its threat assessment suite, a skill that was developed out of necessity in order to allow you to survive.

It is also a trait that makes murderbot a good person, of course: it chooses very carefully to try to survive by doing as little harm as possible and by offering things, like media, that buy it access to things it needs. But it started as a survival skill. It's part of hypervigilance.

I think one of the strengths of this series is that so many of the things we love about SecUnit are traits developed for survival in an inherently threatening world. The shape of its mind and heart have been changed by the trauma of its origin--but they don't make murderbot less good for being altered, even if that skill was developed in a traumatic context.

I like that.

[holidayinhell]

CWs: blood, captivity Whump, failed escape Whump.

“You ran.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t ask if you were fucking sorry.”

He grabbed Whumpee’s face.

“You. Ran.”

He smacked Whumpee across the cheek. Hard.

The man crashed backwards onto the concrete from the blow. Grime cut into the exposed flesh of his torso as he awkwardly shuffled along the bottom of the cement wall, he desperately inched deeper down the hallway in a useless attempt to flee from his deranged captor.

Whumpee's eyes flashed between the man skulking towards him and the stairway at the end of the narrow passage. It was fifteen, maybe ten feet away. Freedom was so close, he only needed to make it up the steps! But Whumpee could barely keep his head up, much less walk, not to mention the ropes binding his wrists together. There was no way he’d get out.

A shadow fell over Whumpee's form.

“Stopstop stop. I did-didn’t--”

Whumper dropped to his haunches, locking his penetrating gaze to the shattered man’s wide eyes. Whumper had bloodshed on the mind. The killer’s gaze fixated on Whumpee with a cold fascination of a predator rearing to devour its prey.

A powerful surge of adrenaline coursed through Whumpee’s veins, urging him to find the strength to flee. But he couldn’t. With nowhere to run, the cocktail of epinephrine and all-encompassing terror made him freeze in place, he began hyperventilating so quickly he thought he might pass out. The broken man’s eyes squeezed shut.

 “Please. Y—you’re scaring me.”

“Then you’re about to be fuckin’ terrified.”

Whumpee squirmed against the ropes behind him. His busy fingers traced the lines, desperately praying he could burrow into a weak spot to unfurl. But, as always, ropes around his wrists were knotted with expert precision.

“Why’d you do it?” He snarled, grasping a fistful of hair and pulling Whumpee’s eyes directly into his terrifying, animalistic gaze. “Why did you fucking do it, Whumpee?” His wicked eyes demanded an explanation.

“I didn’t think.” He responded weakly. “I wasn’t thinking, I--.”

Whumper wound his arm back and delivered another bone-shattering smack across Whumpee’s cheek.

“Maybe I'll just cut out your tongue.”

“N-no. Please!! I was starving," the thin man pled frantically. "I thought you’d forgotten about me so I—ah, AHHH!”

The metallic smell of blood filled the air as a stream of blood trickled the length of Whumpee’s arm. Fuck, fuck.

“PLEASE!” Whumpee wailed.

Lightly chuckling, Whumper pulled the box cutter from the wound he'd buried in Whumpee’s shoulder.

“Try again, Whumpee. Why'd you run?" the killer demanded.

Whumpee tucked his legs into his chest protectively. “It was a mistake. I'm scared, I don’t know! You’re k-killing more people.” Salty tears cut clean tracks through the grime on his round, filthy cheeks. "Th-those girls from last week. And Caretaker-hic- you killed him too, I, I--!"

Whumpee's head raced uncontrollably as he fought to steady his breath, struggling to calm his mind from this waking nightmare.

“You stopped feeding me. It's been, I think five days, or, no, a week. I don’t know how long it’s been.” He fought the sob aching in the back of his throat. “I don’t know how long it’s been, I'm so hungry, I just...”

The small man let out a heartbreaking yowl when the knife slashed into his shin.

"Don't do this!" Whumpee shrieked.

Whumper offered no words of comfort. He loved seeing Whumpee like this, raw and trembling and begging for mercy.

Stripping away the man's pride had been a painstaking process, it had taken months for Whumpee to understand his rightful place. And now, finally, Whumpee’s soul was laid bare for the killer to devour. Nothing brought him more pleasure than watching Whumpee unravel.

“I-I know my...my r-ransom date. Is coming. And I know my parents are gonna pay up soon.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that.” The killer said quickly.

Whumpee’s eyes peaked over his bleeding legs, heavy tears rolling down his cheeks. He was so fragile and pathetic it was almost heartbreaking.

Whumper smirked, shaking his head in mock sympathy.

“Oh Whumpee. Life’s just a living hell for you, ain’t it? Ya can't wave your money around and get what you want like you used to.”

“Please. I’m sorry.”

An uneasy silence settled between them as Whumper's gaze raked over Whumpee. A bizarre, cruel grin twisted on his lips.

Whumper let out a nightmarish cackle.

“I can’t blame ya for trying.” He smirked. God Whumpee was fun.

“I’m sorry.” Whumpee repeated earnestly, sniffling. He exhaled. “I won’t be a problem for you ever again.”

The promise hung heavy in the air.

“I know that.” Whumper responded, nodded somberly, his eyes darkening. He rocked back on his heels and stood, his looming figure cast a shadow over the broken man.

 “Cuz I'm gonna have to kill ya.”

The blood drained from Whumpee’s face. 

“What a waste, too.” Whumper sighed. “You ruined something that was goin’ well for ya. I trusted you, I thought you were one of the good ones.”

“No-no, I’m good. I’m still good, I’ll be good! I’ll do anything yo—.”

Whumper drove his heel into the side of Whumpee’s face, sending his head crashing into the unforgiving basement floor. Pain exploded through Whumpee’s body, the unforgiving surface scraping his skin raw.

He lay still for a moment, breathless and stunned. The cold, hard cement pressed uncomfortably against his cheek.

"Don't. Don't."

“I need you to understand something: you lost your privilege to live the second you opened that fucking door.”

Barely above a whisper, Whumpee pleaded again. “Don’t hurt me. Please.”

Whumper flicked the boxcutter open.

“I’m gonna do a hell of a lot more than just hurt you.”

((more Whump oneshots))

[justanotherescapism]

After all this time

Homelander x Super!Fem!Reader

Word count: 684

Spoilers for season 4

“C’mon dig in before it melts.” Homelander put the ice cream cake down on the table. He laughed, everyone around him was silent. Their eyes flicked back between the cake and the supe. They were shocked to see him, he hadn’t been back since he first left, they had hidden behind the safety of it. He walked around the lab, pointing and laughing with nostalgia. He may not like to think about it but he remembers every moment from his childhood. It was why he had to return today.

“You know what day it is today?” He looked around, no-one spoke up. “Today is the day when you sent her away.” 

“Joh-”

“Homelander.” He sneered. “Call me Homelander.”

“Homelander, you know why we had to send her away,” Marty tried to reason.

“Yeah, you said. You told me over and over again. But let me hear you say it, one more time.” Marty looked to his other colleagues, scared of what he had to say and how he would react. 

“She was a distraction.” Marty looked down, avoiding Homelander’s steel eyes. 

“Yes, a distraction, from what? The pain? The suffering? Yes, I guess she was.”

“Homelander, sh-”

“Oh don’t worry, I get it. I do.”

He looked at the rooms at the back of the lab. They weren’t allowed to be in the same room but they both had super hearing so they talked through the walls. Something had grown from that, something that even now Homelander craved. He thought he could get it from Vought but the company did nothing for him anymore. His son came closest, but he didn’t understand, Homelander suffered in a way Ryan couldn’t understand. When he looked at the rooms, he realized her door was closed. The tiny window was covered. He walked across to the door, his manic mood shifting. 

“Homelan-”

“Shut up, Marty.” He chuckled but gritted his teeth, staring at Marty, who looked terrified. Homelander grabbed the handle on the door, pulling it slowly. Inside was just how he remembered. The walls were stark white brick, the floor a cold concrete with no room for comfort. It was no bigger than a broom cupboard. 

But on the floor was a figure he recongised instantly. She was still here. 

“John?” 

“You’re here.” He quickly dropped to her side. She looked healthy - super healing and all - but her eyes were hollow, how long has she been down here? 

“After all this time, you came back.” She weakly smiled at him, tears flooding her eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He dropped to his knees beside her, wrapping his arms around her. She hugged him back. He looked different but the same. She could still see the pain behind his eyes that others so easily missed. Tears fell from her eyes, as he shuddered, both in pain and excited. 

“Why?” He asked this not really knowing what the answer would be. He couldn’t understand why they’d keep her down here all these years, and lie to him about it. 

“Finding a way to destroy you. A safety protocol.” She fell more into his arms, her strength waning. Homelander’s jaw clenched. To find a way to destroy him, they needed to destroy her first. Torture for years and years. 

“I’m going to destroy them.”

“Make it painful.”

All she could hear was screaming and the sound of Homelander’s laser eyes. She smiled, she always knew some day he would come back, even if it took everything in her not to give up. All of them would die and she’d leave with the man she had loved since she was a child. 

“They’re dead. We can leave now.” He looked down at her. He was covered in blood from the people who had tortured them. She smiled, tears falling down her face. When she stood, she fell into his arms, hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, just as tight. The hole he had was filling and he felt her look up at him. 

They got into the elevator, holding hands. She shut her eyes, waiting to feel the sun on her face.

[pearlprincess02]

cancer sun 8H, taurus moon 6H, sagittarius rising, cancer mercury 8H, leo venus 9H, virgo mars 10H

cancer sun: you express your ego through your emotions and feelings and for that reason feeling safe is one of the most important aspects of your life. you feel constantly overwhelmed by the threats of the world and the negative experiences of your past, using that as a justification to be suspicious of others. your higher self will allow you to feel vulnerable, taking down the barriers that you have created to withdraw yourself from others. a total trust will give you the strength that is required to overcome any obstacle and feel safe by accepting that there is a superior intelligence that controls everything and everyone in life.

sun in 8th house: can attract a chaotic life that pushes you into achieving transformations because that's how you grow and evolve, through the process of death and rebirth. you can't deal with superficiality and you crave deep connections with people, intimacy and to evolve with the person you love. creative. you may feel like the universe sends you messages so that you'll reach an awareness of some kind. you love experiencing new things and especially with yourself, you constantly look forward to changing your appearance and your spiritual or emotional views on the world. you feel a need for self-improvement. very secretive, you value privacy more than anything and you don't allow almost anyone to figure you out. you might be terrified of not finding people who want to connect with you as deeply as you want with them. tendency to isolate yourself emotionally, as in you might open up to others about superficial matters but when it comes to emotions, you're terrified of showing that part of yourself. you want to help others through their darkest times. 

taurus moon: their inner child might be somewhat subdued or they don’t express this part of themselves often. might be private when it comes to their emotions. they might mull over their emotions for a while, and they probably are really shaken by change. needs stability, routine, and dependability to feel safe and secure. very committed to whatever they set their sights on. they probably know what they need to feel safe since this is a fixed earth sign - this will probably not change often. they’re a good person to go to for advice. they have a calming, down to earth energy about them. very trustworthy.

moon in 6th house: routines and work give them comfort. this can be a workaholic placement. they need their career to be meaningful and to help others in some way. they want their home environment to be clean and clutter-free, or they have things arranged in a specific way. could base their worth on how useful they are to others in low states. their emotional state can affect their health easily and they can be very physically sensitive to their mood changes. could be very in-tune with their senses. mix of mental and emotional strength.

sagittarius rising: the planetary ruler of sagittarius being jupiter shows that you would sometimes be deemed as a lucky person, even if you might not feel lucky, to people who do not know you, they might think the world works truly for you. you being someone who is able to get whatever you want, this can attract jealousy from other people. with jupiter being the ruling planet of your first house, you are someone who might have something big about you? could be a body party or a personality trait.

cancer mercury: a cancer mercury indicates a very compassionate and intuitive approach to communication. your thoughts and ideas are deeply connected to your deep feelings and emotions, and you may use your communication to nurture and support others. you may have a deep empathy for others' feelings and a tendency to want to help others. you may be drawn to expressing your thoughts and ideas through poetic, sentimental, and creative language. you may be very understanding of others' pain and frustrations, and you may feel comfortable offering support to others.

mercury in 8th house: people with this placement are super intuitive, they are also good researchers! they transform through knowledge, communication, and through how they communicate with themselves. they also may inherit some money from their siblings, surprisingly. they can solve complex riddles, matters and basically anything complex. depending on the mercury sign, they have the ability to make money through investing. they can be very secretive when it comes to discussing things about themselves, thats why a lot of their relationships aren't "real” and they feel like the bond isn’t so strong. they may also like learning about the occult, spirituality and such. they are good at piecing together information, and communicating it with other people. they would do well as archaeologist, detectives, etc because they do really good with analyzing data! these individuals can be very suspicious of new things, and may like old things, (like history, etc!) these people will most likely feel comfortable talking about the occult, death, sex, and their possessions. i’ve noticed that a lot of people with this placement see things differently then other people usually would, but on the other side, they can be judgmental or impulsive. they will literally say what they want to say, and don’t care if your feelings get hurt. they know how to read people like a book, and figure out their reasons for doing certain things. they have very obsessive and destructive thoughts at times, that are harmful. they’ll try to lure you out of your lies & have a perfect strategy for doing so. their minds are filled with mystique and mystery, always wanting more.

leo venus: strength and beauty of a goddess, instant connections and passion, object of adoration or desire, demands your attention, worship and heart, romance in their veins, she is the sun - center of your universe.

venus in 9th house: venus in the ninth house suggests a focus on expanding knowledge and broadening the mind. the individual with this placement may have an innate curiosity about the world and a desire to explore different cultures, traditions, and ideas. they may have a fascination with the mystical and the spiritual, and with exploring new concepts, experiences, and perspectives. additionally, this placement suggests a desire to seek the truths of the universe and an appreciation for higher education.

virgo mars: mars in virgo are passionate about helping others and being the best version of themselves. this mars sign is notoriously known for being able to try something once and being exceptionally good at it the first go. i hate to say it (only because I know it comes from a place of pain) but these natives are passionate about perfection. this can cause them a lot of anxiety if they are careful. although, they are good at many things, it is advised that they lean into whatever makes them happy, serve their part in making the world a better place!

mars in 10th house: mars in 10th are passionate about being successful, being their own boss, their reputation and getting external recognition. they will put a lot of energy into their career and be very passionate about whatever they are doing. they will be a trail blazer and their career because they do it the right way the first time. extremely hard workers- just be weary of burn out mars in 10th folks!

@cloudyluminousstarz

ᵒᵇˢᵉʳᵛᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵃʳᵉⁿ'ᵗ ᵐⁱⁿᵉ

[itstheoneshot]

Tokyo Nights

request

Summary: A wild night out, with an even wilder man. Could anything get any better?

Word Count: 3k

Pairing: Yuta x Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Alcohol Use, Oral, Unprotected Sex.

Yuta was hot, and boy, did he know it.

He oozed arrogance and dominance in the best way, and you were addicted to him, besotted and drawn in with every word he said, your eyes never leaving him, forever caught in that terrifying gaze.

“Where are we going?” You ask, as Yuta intertwines your fingers to lead you out of the hotel lobby.

You look up at the neon-lit streets of the central Shinjuku area, breathing in the air that you had missed so badly. It had taken a lot to convince your company to send you on another business trip to Japan, having only been here a few months ago, but you were desperate to see the man that you met at a dingy bar one night after a painful meeting on your last trip.

Nakamoto Yuta. A corporate top dog, though you wouldn’t pick it at first glance. He dressed immaculately, but didn’t flaunt his wealth with big emblazoned designer wear, everything he did was subtle. Except for flirt, and give orders, and oh god, did he have you fucking kneeling.

“We’re going to get a drink, kitten,” He replies, “You want a drink, don’t you?”

Your heartbeat is racing in your chest, and you know as much from last time that when he asks you a question like this, it isn’t really up for debate, but a suggestion, both in broken English and in his need to be in charge, you nod meekly at him, playing into the kitten nickname just a little.

“I’d love a drink,” You murmur, “Will you order for me too?”

Yuta looks at you, playfully rolling his eyes as he squeezes your hand gently. Turning to walk you down a dimly lit street, he pauses for a moment in between the streetlights to pull you closer to him.

“Of course I will,” He answers, leaning down to kiss you, a short kiss but it still leaves you breathless, “I’m gonna have so much fun with you tonight.”

It takes all of your strength to stop yourself from crying out as he pulls away, though you whine just loud enough for him to hear, pouting cutely at him as he turns to walk away. You hold his hand tightly, with a skip in your step you only walk a little further before Yuta stops in front of a secluded little bar.

“Our first stop,” He smiles at you, gesturing for you to enter before him, though he doesn’t let go of your hand, “You’ll like it here, it’s intimate.”

Yuta greets the bartender as you walk inside, and you glance around to take everything in. It is smaller than you had expected, with maybe 6 bar stools, and a singular man working behind the bar. You walk to the furthest one, sitting down as Yuta sits beside you, and the bartender looks over just as Yuta lights a cigarette up, holding the pack out for you to take one too.

You do so and he lights it for you as the smoke from his own cigarette filters out from between his lips. The bartender is standing in front of you when you exhale your first drag, and you listen as Yuta orders you each a beer, at least that much you can understand without a second pause for internal translation.

As your drinks are poured, Yuta lets his hand settle on your bare thigh, gripping slightly, though of course you notice. You had not forgotten just how big his hands are, but this was a pleasant reminder, a throwback to the last time you were here, the first time that you met.

The grip he holds to you gets tighter as you both feel the buzz, several drinks in now, twice as many cigarettes when Yuta turns to you suddenly, leaning in for another lingering kiss before pulling away, leaving that same sense of impatience, desire.

“Let’s go now, kitten,” He says, “The night is young, we have so much left to do.”

You have no idea what he means by that, though in seconds you are on your feet, a little woozy but not in a bad way, following him out of the bar and back out into the streets. The alleyway is busier now, more people enjoying the fresh air, and the main streets are even busier. The neon lights feel brighter than before, but the sky is pitch black, so it must just be the contrast.

You aren’t outside for long, soon pulled into a tall building and directed up an escalator to the third floor. You could recognise the sounds from a mile away, and you aren’t afraid to hide the smile on your face as you enter the arcade, the experience is so different with a little booze in your system.

“Show me what you want to win,” Yuta asks you, “I’m a pro, I promise.”

It takes a few minutes, walking up and down the aisles of claw and ufo machines to find something perfect. You know that this won’t be your last stop, so a giant plush toy is out of the question, though you could have screamed when you saw the Gengar one… but you make it to the machines with smaller plush keyrings, and after glancing down at your handbag, decide that would be the best choice for you.

“That one,” You mumble, pointing in front of you at the Hello Kitty toy, “Please, she’s so cute!”

Yuta nods approvingly, not waiting another moment before inserting the required coins, and scoring it on the first go with a skill that you truly could not believe.

“That had to have been a fluke!” You tease him, though you are quietened with another kiss, this time a little deeper, more forceful, yet still not enough.

“You should say thank you,” He warns you, but there is a softness in his gaze that tells you that you aren’t really in trouble, he glances down at the keyring before looking again at you, “And she’s cute, but you are cuter.”

You feel your cheeks burn with a flustered blush, which only deepens as without a second thought, Yuta drops to his knees to clip the key ring onto your bag. It is intimate, far too intimate for the location, and the way that your body reacts has you almost in tears.

Yuta glances up at you expectantly, but is confronted with an expression that he can’t place quite yet.

“Are you okay?” He asks, “What’s on your mind?”

Your mind is racing, one thought over and over again, one thought that may get you in trouble, or drive this beautiful man insane. You aren’t often brave, but maybe it’s the alcohol, or being in a foreign country, but you muster up the courage to reply.

“I thought I’d end up on my knees first tonight,” You smirk at him playfully, watching him bite his lip, his eyes widening as you sentence yourself, “But we still have time for that, don’t we senpai?”

Yuta stands up slowly, his gaze unwavering as he interlocks your fingers with his, and turns with an expectation of you to follow him toward the exit.

“We have plenty of time, kitten,” He replies, his tone far too casual for what he is insinuating, “But I think I’d like to get started early.”

“I’d like that,” You nod eagerly, though you are not quite certain what you are agreeing to, you know that Yuta requires your consent before making any move, “Yes, please.”

After a detour into a convenience store, where Yuta keeps you close as he purchases several alcoholic drinks, all with labels you can hardly read, and soon again you are walking up a backstreet towards an area that you have not been through before. A little lost at first, you soon realise, reading the signs above you as you trail up another street.

Love Hotel.

A new experience for you, on your last trip, Yuta came to your hotel, and you to his apartment, but the desperation calls for a much quicker, easier option than to travel back to where either of you are staying. You are sure that Yuta has one in mind, and you fully give in to follow him toward a dimly lit, but very inviting hotel just ahead.

It takes no time at all to check in, the functions are anonymous, it is so surreal not speaking to a single person at all, but in minutes you have a keycard and a room number and Yuta has you pressed against the wall of the elevator as you travel up to the 8th floor.

“Fuck,” Yuta groans against your lips, “I shouldn’t have waited so long to bring you here, I think I’m going crazy.”

His words, and the deep guttural tone of them, have the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and goosebumps raise on your skin. He is scary when he is desperate, but the fear only makes your wanting grow, the lack of control that you have over the situation now that you have consented is such a turn on for you.

You whimper as the elevator stops, and Yuta quickly pulls away to drag you down the hallway with an ease that tells you he has frequented this hotel many times before tonight, but that does not surprise you in the slightest.

The door is opened and just as quickly shut with you pressed up against it. Yuta’s hand on the door handle, double and triple checking the lock, although of course it doesn’t open without a key, he just needs to be sure. The plastic bag with your cans of drink falls to the floor, all but forgotten as Yuta races to kiss you as if his life depended on it. You don’t even get a chance to look at the room before all of your attention and focus is stolen by the man in front of you.

It is hot, and messy, fumbling hands quick to pull at buttons and fabric, making quick work of undressing the other. The feeling of Yuta’s hands on your skin is electric, his perfectly manicured black nails look so pretty as he lifts a hand to your throat to keep you still, though you wouldn’t dare to move anyway.

“Yuta~” You whine, your words trailing off as his free hand roughly guides your legs apart, you are leaning up on the tips of your toes to make this easier for him, “Oh, fuck.”

One long, slender finger breaches you for the first time, as his other hand tightens slightly around your neck, muffling the moan that escapes you. It takes you back to your last meeting, god, you had missed the way he felt, the way that he worked your body as if it was made for him.

Yuta breaks away from the kiss to lean back and watch you as one finger moves to two, and you try your hardest to match his gaze, though your vision is blurry, and your focus is all over the place with so many things to take in.

The moans that escape you are pitiful, his fingers curl at just the right angle, and you remember just how easily he was able to get you there last time, and pray that tonight will be much the same. You try to pull him closer, chasing the way that his kisses make you feel, but he is so much stronger than you, all he does is laugh at your attempt.

“Oh, kitten,” He murmurs, as you let out a particularly loud cry, and your vision begins to blur, “Are you close? You look like you’re about to cry.”

You whimper pathetically, as your thighs begin to shake, only able to nod, knowing that he won’t be done with you, this is only the beginning. He nods approval only seconds before your high washes over you, with an euphoric buzz that has you reeling, breathing staggered and all a mess.

“Good girl,” Yuta purrs, pulling his fingers out without warning, leaving you bare, “Now I want you on your knees, after your little comment at the arcade.”

Always eager to please, you follow Yuta with wobbly steps as he crosses the room to the bed, noting that he stopped to pick up the bag of drinks, and he places the bag down next to him once he reaches the mattress, where you obediently drop to your knees. You stare up at him wide-eyed, smiling softly as you see the outline of his cock through his slacks. Your hands trail up his thighs to his waistband, nimble fingers making quick work to pull his pants down, exposing the body you fell so damn hard for, and that feeling is only tenfold now.

“You’re so beautiful, Yuta,” You praise him as he moves to sit down on the bed, and you guide his legs apart so you can fit between them, “I’m lucky to serve you tonight.”

Yuta combs his fingers through your hair, guiding you to move closer, his other hand on his cock, stroking slowly to satiate a little bit of his desire before you close your mouth over the tip. You remember how he likes it, messy and deep, and you don’t struggle at all, even when his hips buck and force you to take him in deep enough to make you gag on him.

“Good kitten,” He purrs, “You feel so good.”

Spit pools around the base of his cock as he fucks into your throat, you hollow your cheeks to take him deeper, loving the way that he uses your mouth, knowing what it will get you after this.

You look up as you hear a noise, and see that Yuta has cracked open one of the cans of drink. He takes a sip from it, and then roughly grabs you by the hair to pull you off his cock but keep you still in your position on the floor. He tugs your head back, and you gasp, which gives him the opportunity to do what he had planned, pouring the drink down your throat, overflowing it goes down your neck and your chest. He laughs at you as you cough a little, trying your hardest to swallow before he drags you down onto his cock again. You feel sticky, eyes watering as you try to find that same rhythm that you just had before he gave you the alcohol top-up, fuck, that was hot.

You feel his cock twitch, and know that you have him close, but he pulls you off him before he reaches climax, muttering an I am not done yet as he pulls you on top of him, moving back up the bed to make it more comfortable for you both.

Straddling his hips, you feel his cock, hard and throbbing against you, and you desperately grind on him, wanting to relieve some of the pressure building deep inside your stomach. Yuta chuckles at you out of pity, “Such a slut, you can’t wait to have me inside you, can you?”

You whimper and whine, but don’t hesitate to lift onto your knees to give him the space to line his cock up with your hole. You use all your strength to drop down onto him, taking him all in one swift motion. The sting is harsh at first, but you were more than ready, and needed your fill more than any pain could stop you.

“Fuck, Yuta senpai,” You moan, knowing damn well how much he loves the name, it is what got you here in the first place, “You stretch me out so well.”

He holds your hips to keep you steady as he helps you ride him, slow and sensual, allowing yourself to feel every inch of his cock as you take him in deep, filling you completely, plugging you up just the way you like it.

Yuta grabs you by the throat to pull you down and kiss him, giving him the opportunity to thrust into you from underneath. The new angle has you spiralling, his strength and speed so much more than your own. Your moans mix with his and all you can hear is that and the sound of your bodies connecting over and over again.

Your vision begins to blur when Yuta rolls you over onto your back, making space between your legs to thrust back in only a moment later, not leaving you bare for long enough to slow your orgasm down, you are close, oh god, you are so fucking close.

“Please,” You cry, “Help me, let me cum, please!”

Yuta begins to laugh, but is cut off to moan as your body begins to shake, clenching to him unable to hold back anymore, he moves his hand down to rub circles on your clit, thrusting harshly to help you get there.

Your orgasm breaks through with desperate cries, gasping for air while you see stars. You are not sure at what point Yuta reaches peak too, but you feel his rhythm go off-beat and a warmth spreads as he paints your insides white. You realise now that he didn’t wear a condom, but you’re on the pill, and checked regularly for STDs, so you couldn’t care less as the sex is better than you had even remembered.

“My kitten,” He murmurs as he kisses you, slowing down to a stop, and pulling out of you in a swift movement, “I needed that, needed you.”

You kiss him back, whining softly as you feel his cum drip down between your legs, dying to clean yourself up, but not knowing what the rest of the night is going to entail. You could do with a shower, after having three quarters of a can of alcohol poured over you, and you hope that Yuta wants to, too. The room has a bath in the corner, and Yuta catches you eyeing it off.

“You don’t need to ask,” Yuta chuckles, “Let’s bath, and then we can go out again. I still have to take you clubbing, don’t I, kitten?”

[kakiastro]

From

South Node Libra

To

North Node Aries

Your Nodes is the main reason why you’re here(born) in the first place, from a soul point of view.

Your rising is the roadmap on how you’ll get there. The planets is the lessons you’ll learn on the way.

Also look at your Nodes houses and rulership planets.

Libra- 7th house and your Venus

Aries- 1st house and your Mars

South Node Libra

-you learned at an early age about diplomacy and unfairness. You may have had to share your things, even if you didn’t want to with others. “Sharing is caring” was drilled into you hard. You may had to be the mediator in your family whenever a fight or argument broke out. This was a constant theme throughout your life.

As you got older, you found yourself being put in the middle of situations and feeling like you have to choose a side. Even if you heavily disagree with someone, you’ll try to find someway to keep the peace.

You understand what unfairness means because you grew up surrounded by those who were or you were. Social justice and fairness runs deep in your bones. These are the people who will speak up for others.

These natives also understand balance and try to hear from everyone’s point of view before deciding on who’s right. Most times they struggle with picking sides because they see from other point of views.

These natives has a great fashion sense, something they developed young probably from a a family member.

In several past lives, you were probably a diplomat of some kind, the mediator so these are skills you’ve mastered.

North Node Aries

From the diplomats to the general. You’re use to putting everyone else before you, now you must learn to prioritize your own need first. Now this doesn’t mean not helping people! It means to stop giving everyone your oxygen tank when you’re barely breathing your damn self. Look at it this way, you’ll help others better when you help yourself first.

With your SN energy, you’re good at seeing other points of view especially in conflicts. However this cause you to not want to get involved too much or you struggle with picking a side. Growing into your NN energy, you may take the lead in conflicts and say “this is what we’re not going to do and what we’re going to do.” Now I know this just gave you the shivers because you’re not about the drama lol. You don’t have to be, you just have to make a decision that’s fair for everyone involved.

Standing up for yourself, now with SN Libra energy, you struggle with this. I’m not saying you’re a pushover but you’re not a fan of open conflict unless you’re pushed into it. Your greatest strength is fighting for others, which is an incredible gift to have. However, you have to learn to fight for yourself as well, even if you stand alone, which can be terrifying for you all. The thing is, you’ll never be “alone” because you’ve established friendships with that Sn energy, now it’s time to be the leader that they already look up too.

You’ll move into your North Node until you pass. This is a lifetime lesson for you to learn.

Celebrities with these Nodes

Will Smith

Kit Harrington

Emilia Clarke

Daniel Craig

Michael B. Jordan

Kat Denninga

Pam Grier

Yall there’s so many celebs with these Nodes lol

It makes sense cause Libra is a creative sign as well and SN may have been attracted to the arts at a young age.

Thank you for reading!

[multifandomrandomgirl]

Not Alone - Mick Mars x reader

Trigger warning: panic attack

Masterlist:

Wordcount: 793

------

Electric red and blue lights lit up the night, the energy that could be generated at a Mötley Crüe gig was intense. The crowd of young girls screamed, and the men shouted along to the songs, the lights were blinding and the instruments were deafening.

Yet, behind the scenes, backstage, it was a whole other story.

Y/N leaned against the cold concrete wall, trying to steady her breath. The tears rolled down her cheeks relentlessly, they were hot and stung. Y/N’s body shook as the overwhelming emotions coursed through her. The backstage area was meant to be a place of excitement, but it now felt like a prison. The lights and noise only amplified her distress. She didn’t even notice the gig coming to an end.

Footsteps approached her, steadily, contrasting the chaos within her mind. She didn’t look up to see who it was; she couldn’t. The weight of her crying crushed her, she felt like she was drowning.

“Did I scare you?” The voice was low and it was unmistakable that it belonged to Mick Mars.

Y/N lifted her head, her eyes met his. Her vision was blurred by her heavy tears. She could barely make out his face which was framed by his long black hair. His usual cold persona was gone, his face was soft and full of concern, a side of him that Y/N had never seen.]

“Oh, sweetheart.” Mick murmured, he closed the distance between them, his hand reached out hesitantly and cupped her face, trying to ground her.

“I didn’t mean to,” Y/N whispered, her voice cracking. “I didn’t mean to fall apart.”

Mick’s thumb brushed away a few tears, his touch was delicate. “It’s okay, sometimes the world just seems so loud, doesn’t it?” He said softly. 

Y/N nodded softly, and a fresh wave of tears spilled from her eyes.

“I just got so overwhelmed. The crowd, the noise. Everything. You guys up there, powerful and untouchable. A reminder that I’m just a roadie. I’m nothing.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t,” Mick's face softened, his tone a little firm. “You’re more than enough, roadie or not. Trust me, even on stage, we all have our moments of fear.” “You? Scared?” Y/N asked, in disbelief.

“Absolutely. Every show, there’s a bit of me that is terrified. But I deal with it by playing my music.” Mick nods, giving her a small smile.

“I don’t know how to do that. How to turn this into something good.” She admitted sheepishly.

Mick moved his hand from her cheek down to her shoulder, rubbing small circles.

“You don’t have to know right now. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just remember, you’re here, you’re trying. That takes courage. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, feeling a glimmer of hope. “Thank you for finding me, for talking to me. I didn’t realise how much I needed it.”

“You’re not alone, okay? If you ever need a talk or a quiet space, I’m always here. Please come find me.” His gaze never left hers.

“I will.” Y/N agreed, his offer was like a lifeline to her. She finally began to calm down.

“Good, now, let’s go get you somewhere more comfortable.” Mick’s smile widened. He guided her away from the cold wall, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he was like a safety blanket to her. As they walked through the backstage corridors, Mick held onto her, reminding her that she wasn’t alone.

Mick’s dressing room was silent, a significant contrast to the crowd from earlier. Mick took Y/ over to a comfy chair and sat her down before he pulled up another one next to her and sat down himself.

“Do you want to talk about it? What upset you?” Mick asked gently.

“It’s just… everything. The pressure, expectations. Feeling like I’m not enough, seeing other people be so confident.” She took a deep breath.

“I understand,” Mick said, he’d listened to her every word. “It’s so easy to look at other people and only see their strengths, but everyone has their weaknesses, their struggles. They find ways to deal with them.”

“I don’t know how to deal with mine, I feel like I’m drowning.” Y/N admitted, looking down.

“One step at a time, okay?” He squeezed her hand. “Remember, you’re not alone. I’m here to help you, to care about you.”

His gentle tone brought tears of gratitude to her eyes.

“Thank you, Mick. I can’t tell you how much this means to me.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. I got you.” He smiled, kissing her cheek.

Y/N blushed a little and leaned into Mick’s touch. For the first time in a while, she felt safe and loved.

[darkfantasywriter]

Best Friend x Reader

Title: Forever Mine

You always knew there was something different about Alex. From the moment you met in middle school, those bright eyes had a certain intensity, a kind of devotion that was both comforting and unnerving. But who could complain? Having a best friend who cared so deeply was something most people would kill for.

It all started small. Alex was constantly there, waiting for you after school, constantly texting you, and ensuring to sit next to you in every class. You laughed it off, finding it rather intense how dedicated Alex was to your friendship.

But then it escalated.

If you made plans with someone else, Alex would pout, making you feel guilty for even considering spending time with others. If someone flirted with you, Alex would glare at them, pulling you closer under the pretense of needing to talk. It was suspicious, and a little bit annoying as well. You started noticing how Alex’s grip on your arm would tighten just a little too much, how that friendly smile never quite reached the eyes when others were around.

“Why do you need anyone else when you have me?” Alex would ask, the tone light, but the underlying tension undeniable. You’d chuckle nervously, brushing it off, but the unease was growing.

One day, you decided to confront Alex. The possessiveness was suffocating, and you needed space—something you hadn’t had in years.

“Alex, we need to talk,” you started, but Alex’s eyes immediately filled with panic.

“Are you… are you leaving me?” The question was whispered, as if the very thought was too painful to voice.

“No, I just need—”

“NO!” Alex’s voice was sharp, desperate. “You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.”

A shiver ran down your spine. You tried to step back, but Alex’s hand shot out, gripping your wrist with a strength that left you breathless.

“I’ve done everything for you,” Alex whispered, eyes wide with a terrifying mix of love and fear. “I’ve kept everyone away so it could just be us. You don’t need anyone else. You belong to me.”

Your heart pounded in your chest as you realized the extent of Alex’s obsession. This wasn’t just a friendship—it was a cage, one that Alex had carefully constructed around you.

“Alex, please…” you pleaded, but the words died in your throat as you saw the look in Alex’s eyes. There was no reasoning with someone who had crossed the line between love and obsession.

Alex’s lips curved into a sad smile as if reading your thoughts. “You’ll understand eventually. We’re meant to be together forever. I’ll make sure of it.”

As the room seemed to close in around you, you realized too late that Alex would never let you go. You were trapped, ensnared in a bond that was as unbreakable as it was terrifying.

And in Alex’s eyes, that was exactly how it should be.

[elicathebunny]

Dealing with deep rooted negativity.

Releasing heavy burdens and feeling guilt.

The demon analogy:

Imagine your negative thoughts beginning in the form of a little evil demon.

This demon isn’t particularly scary. It behaves spontaneously and is irritating for you, almost like a little kid. As long as you are aware of this small nuisance, getting rid of it much easier.

Now, imagine the most terrifying demon you can get your mind to create. That is what your negative thoughts are taking the form of after pilling up without being attended to.

This demon is more crafty than the smaller one. It has more influence over your mind and knows your weaknesses better since it has been there for longer. Getting rid of it is much harder and will probably return after attempting to remove it due to its strength.

How to confront your negative thoughts (or demon).

The power or influence something has on you can only grow if you let it. This seems easier said than done, and it is depending on the situation you are in that determines the level of difficulty.

This doesn’t have to be a thing you face alone, having a sense of community with those who understand you will help greatly on your journey. Different insights from people that are more positive than you can keep you on track and away from being trapped in your head.

Confronting the problem

“You can’t escape a prison if you don’t know that you’re in one”.

You need to be aware of the problem and how bad it is in order to fix it. Understand how it started, what caused it to grow in strength and what triggers it. Hiding away from the problem or suppressing it will only allow you to push it away for so long before it jumps out at you unexpectedly another time. So i’d rather you face it intentionally now, rather than later when your unprepared.

What you can do:

- shadow work

- therapy

- have a community of people you feel safe around to help you

Accepting it

You need to accept that you have a problem. If you don’t accept that there is an issue then how can you fix the issue you don’t believe you have. Come to terms with it and understand to fix the problem you need to be aware of it. It’s okay and it is a process of growth. Remember that.

The idea: Find the problem -> accept that you have a problem -> come to terms with the fact you have a problem -> find healthy ways to reduce or remove the problem -> understand how to keep the problem away or reduce the affect it has on you

Releasing it

Now that you have accepted the problem and came to terms with it. You now need to release it because you are done with it. The problem serves no purpose to you and you should not entertain it any longer. Understand that it only has power over you as long as you decide it does. It’s all a mind game, take control of the situation and come out stronger.

Methods of releasing:

- mediation

- telling a trusted person

- writing an entry and ending it with the intentions of leaving it behind (maybe burning the paper afterwards)

- boxing

- praying

Reprogramming your mindset

Now that you have released the problem. You need to reprogram your mindset to ensure it doesn’t happen again. It will take time to reconstruct your way of thinking, but you should be willing to do so after all this effort and desire for a peaceful mind.

You need to learn to replace negative thoughts for positive ones. When you have a negative thought, redirecting yourself away from that thought and then replacing it with a positive one is a start.

Don’t force positivity down your throat, but accept that you feel down and come to terms with that emotion. Once you are done, release that feeling as it no longer serves you and then proceed to try exchange that thought for a positive one.

It’s all about balance, we need to feel both negatively and positively, forcing positivity is unrealistic all the time.

Recap: catch when you are thinking negatively, understand why your feeling this way and come to terms with that feeling before releasing it, flip the narrative and think of any positive feeling you could exchange it for and give reasoning so that you are not mindlessly forcing positivity down your throat.

Don’t let one bad thing taint your view on everything. One bad thing is just one bad thing. Work on that negativity, release it and replace it with better feelings.

Changing your environment

Staying in the same environment that you have been negative or felt negativity aimed at you is not helpful. Removing yourself from those bad situations and creating positive and new experiences to remember and replace the old ones.

Clean your space, join a club (sewing, computing, sports, etc), meet likeminded people that will encourage you and are positive, get rid of the negative people, go to the gym, go for a walk, hang out with friends, leave town, volunteer to do something you enjoy, redecorate your house, start cooking from home, etc…

Do anything to create a good environment , work on yourself and create new connections to more positive memories so that it outweighs the negative. Step out your comfort zone!!

Making sure it doesn’t take hold of you again

You will feel down and might be at the point where negative thoughts are beginning to overwhelm you again. You need to understand that bad things happen and always try to see the good out of things no matter how bad the situation is. Once you fall back into your old mindset, you strengthen its hold to keep coming back.

The more you resist, the less control it has over you and the less it will disturb your life.

What to do if it comes back

Reach out for help if it becomes too much, never suffer in silence and tell people you trust. If you know it is more than the regular person can assist you on, then seek professional help.

Keep reminding yourself of the position you want to be in, a happier you. Let that goal not be forgotten.

xoxo

[aleksanderscult]

So far, I’ve asked these questions to a couple of other creators whose takes on the Darkling I admire. One responded by saying they don’t think about characters in terms of ideal romantic matches but rather as tools serving the story’s themes. They believe the “perfect” partner for the Darkling depends on the narrative, with Alina working well as his foil in the current story.

That said, I’d love to hear your perspective, since I really enjoy your insights on him.

1. How would you envision the ideal love interest for the Darkling/Aleksander/Kirigan (excluding Alina, Zoya in the show, and any existing female characters)?Like what specific traits, both physical and personality-wise, would capture Aleksander’s deep interest?

2. Do you think this character would need to be Grisha, a specific type of Grisha even or could they be Otkazat’sya?

3. Beyond power, what qualities would truly attract Aleksander to someone?

4. Would this person challenge his darker tendencies, or would they complement them? Or maybe be in the middle of?

5. How might this relationship impact his character arc? Would it push him toward redemption, further darkness, or something more complex?

6. Could a relationship like this change the dynamics of his leadership and his goals for Ravka?

Thank you !

Hmm... Let's see...

1) About the physical part, I don't believe Aleksander has a specific type about this. But what I think captures his attention is intelligence and bravery. People that have brains.

(Having some cool powers wouldn't hurt too)

I have also talked about what, in my opinion, his ideal partner would be here

2) Ideally, he wants a partner that will stay with him forever so yeah a Grisha one. And a powerful one too (since only the powerful and rare ones live very long lives).

3) You know the interesting thing here is that there is a difference between what we want and what we need.

Aleksander wants a soldier at his side, someone he could rule together and live together, someone that is politically savy, determined and mature.

But what he needs is someone that will remind him what it's like to be human again. To be tolerant, to be reminded of the cost of human life, to feel what it's like to really live. And a person that would remind those things to him would attract him. He would be terrified at the beginning because he kept his humanity buried for so long but if he has feelings for that person then there is hope for him to open up little by little but never entirely.

4) Ideally, that person would complement his own but he needs someone that will lessen his darkness with her own light but never completely put it out. Because a ruler needs to be strict and harsh. But he also needs to be kind and understanding. A balance between those two, that's what he needs.

5 & 6) Not redemption, no. The Darkling would never regret what he did. But just like I said before, maybe become more mindful about what his actions bring to the lives of others (both to the otkazat'sya and the Grisha). To remember that kindness is a strength not a weakness. But that can take years. He has spent so long becoming like this that breaking such patterns is very hard.

[bestworstcase]

…ozma uses fairytales to make sense of himself and the world around him. as beacon’s headmaster he published a collection of fairytales, every one of them about himself or salem, somehow or another. “what is ozpin hiding from us”—the answer is told as a tragic fairytale. ozma heeded light’s warning for years, but everywhere he went, “he heard the same frightened whispers that spoke of a terrifying sorceress who commanded dark powers in the wilds among the beasts and monsters.” it was these stories that led him to her, because he “needed to see what she had become,” and because of these stories he could never bring himself to trust her.

this is how he thinks. how he understands himself and the world. through stories.

We have many questions, and never all the answers we would like. But we do have stories. Whether they’re true stories passed down through the ages or myths defying time itself, our stories help explain who we are and why we’re here. They give us solace when we need it, advice if we seek it, and connections that bind us together as one people. If you don’t believe in stories, if you can’t accept their truths, then you will always seek and never find.

salem knows this. it’s the first thing she says to and about him: legends. stories scattered through time… mankind has grown quite fond of recounting the exploits of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are remnants, byproducts of a forgotten past.

she does not, herself, seem to care particularly for fairytales. certainly she considers ozma’s use of them to be deceitful: “legends and fairytales/scattered in time/maidens and kingdoms/wrapped up in a lie/these children you mislead/you’ll watch them all bleed/strength will not bring victory” & “show them gods and deities/blind and keep the people on their knees/pierce the sky, escape your fate/the more you try, the more you’ll just breed hate/and lies.”

but.

when he told her the truth about what the god of light sent him to remnant to do, she quoted from a faunus myth to articulate her refusal: “and the descendants of our god’s great gift have always carried envy in their hearts. to this day, they resent us for reminding them of what they are not and what they never can be.” -> “don’t you see? none of that matters anymore! why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could replace them with what they could never be?”

and she means that the god of light is resentful and envious and undeserving, that remnant is better off as it is now, that there is nothing to redeem and nothing the god of light told him matters at all—but like.

she expresses this idea by quoting a legend.

one he must have been familiar with, at least in passing, because thousands of years later when he published an anthology of fairytales he went out of his way to include that story (and suggests in his commentary that it is important, that it deserves to be remembered, that it contains deep truths).

salem—who is not, in general, a skillful communicator—upon hearing his explanation of the divine mandate, upon being asked to join him in serving a god she hates after learning that her marriage was built on lies, tried her level best to communicate her objection in his language. by quoting a story.

that isn’t something we’ve seen her do in any other context—in her v1 soliloquy and songs she speaks disdainfully of his legends and fairytales but, in contrast to ozpin and his circle’s habitual use of fairytales to introduce people to the truth, salem never refers to stories to explain herself other than this one time in the lost fable when she asked ozma to reject the mandate light gave him.

i’m upset

[digital999placebo]

back on my usual shit. Tormenting the one I love. A lidl fanfic snippet beneath cut hehehe (a convo between Gilbert and Roderich on the topic of Germany)

[Somewhere in Continental Europe, 1870]

“You can’t be serious about raising him on your own,” Roderich spits acid, “You have no experience or qualifications outside of war, let me do it.”

“If I can manage an army of men, I believe I’m capable of caring for one child.”

“Children are not trained men, Gilbert.”

“You’re the last person I want to be lectured by on this,” Gilbert cuts in and adjusts his position in the chair. “I mean no offence, Roderich, but I rather have Feliciano beneath me than beside me.”

Roderich makes a strangled sound and opens his mouth to retort that Feliciano is perfectly well-adjusted when Gilbert continues.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt your efficiency in raising regular children. You could turn a stuttering fool into a credentialed politician and a tone-deaf cripple to the most renowned pianist. You and your country have a culture that mine does not. Your understanding of music is something I couldn’t even dream of achieving, but what you lack is the ability to admire a well-oiled machine. I want Ludwig to not only be a force to be reckoned with within the political spectrum, I also want him unbeatable on the field. I want people terrified at the mere mention he’s coming… And that is nothing you can provide.”

Roderich nearly laughs at Gilbert’s delusion. The nation before him couldn’t seriously believe that Ludwig, a wiry and mutilated little thing, a walking blasphemy against God and Mother Nature herself, covered in sutures and wrapped in bandages that needed to be changed daily, was going to become anything but what he was created of, dead tissue. He searches Gilbert’s face for a trace of self-awareness and is horrified when he doesn’t find it.

“That– Ludwig won’t even survive that long,” Roderich manages to get out, quiet, angry, and small. He can’t help how his voice shakes and rises. He’s furious, but can’t say why, perhaps because he feels bad for the little thing Gilbert has created, so frail yet already carrying the weight of Gilbert’s expectations, he’s angry because he knows better and he doesn’t know how to make Gilbert understand that. “He’s blind and mute; incapable of even feeding or relieving himself despite his age. You haven’t created a machine, you haven’t even created a person, you’ve created a thing whose only purpose is to suffer a slow death.”

Gilbert’s mouth tightens and he drums an impatient finger against the chair’s armrest, “You’re underestimating him.”

“I’m realistic, one of us has to be. That thing is suffering every day,” Roderich begs. “It’s sadistic.”

Gilbert hits the armrest with his fist and Roderich reels back.

“Don’t call him that! He’s not a thing, he’s the future of Europe,” Gilbert sneers at him, all composure finally lost, “You sit here and speak as though he were to die any day now, yet you beg me to resign him to your care?” –Gilbert wrinkles his nose in disdain– “I can see why Feliciano turned out the way he did, you have no perseverance, no dignity or strength, giving Ludwig to you would be to cut his throat. You’ve never struggled in a way that matters, nothing worth having is easily attainable. Ludwig will be great.”

Roderich trembles with withheld fury and he curls his lips to match Gilbert’s crude sneer.

“Fine,” he spits, “If that thing makes it at all.”

[bean-bean2000]

The Hacker - Part 12

airings: Bucky x Reader

Status: Ongoing

All feedback is very welcome and appreciated!

Warnings: angst, mention of bomb, fluffy feelings with Steve

Please let me know if i missed any warnings and I will add them.

Series masterlist

Part 11

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You wake up in your room, head pounding. You get up slowly as you remember what happened.

You did it. He's dead. You're free.

You get out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror, tracing your fingers lightly over the harsh scar across your faces.

You realize that for the first time since it happened, you're no longer ashamed or disgusted by it. You're proud of it. It's proof of your bravery, resilience and loyalty.

You shower and throw on some comfortable clothes, heading to the kitchen.

As you turn the corner, the whole team quiets down and looks to you.

"Umm.. hey guys, what's up?" you say awkwardly, feeling weird about the silence in the room.

You move to the fridge and grab yourself a snack and drink.

"You... feeling okay?" Tony asks you awkwardly.

"Yeah?... why?... are YOU guys okay?" you question them with your brows raised.

A series of muffled "yeah, no, totally, for sure" and uneasy coughs spread across the room.

An awkward silence fills the room.

"So, are we going to talk about it, or?" Tony asks, breaking the silence.

The rest of the team shoot angry glares at him and you sigh heavily

"Okay, I get it. I killed him. I need you to remember that he wasn't my first kill. He was my first intentional kill but, it was a way for me to heal and ensure that I can move on and live my life in peace. I knew that if I let him live, I would be paranoid every second and terrified he captures me again, I wouldn't be able to even look at my face in the mirror anymore. Now, I can breathe. There's a weight lifted off my shoulders and when I look at myself, at the scar, I don't see pain and fear anymore, I see strength and resilience. I'm tired of being scared. I'm not anymore." you rant to the team. They stay silent and listen to you intently.

When you're done, nobody says anything, they all look at you with understanding looks with a small hint of pity.

The subject is soon changed abruptly by Tony again, trying to ease the tension in the air and make the mood more light. He starts ordering people around to make breakfast and so on.

You look at all of them, your eyes land on Bucky. He stares at you blankly.

Why hasn’t he spoken to me yet? What the hell changed? Maybe I thought I was seeing something that was never there…

You shake your head and walk away to your office.

You don’t hear the team telling Bucky off for his attitude.

“Dude what’s your problem?” Sam says.

“Why are you being an asshole?” Natasha prods

“Can you not show some emotion for more than three seconds?” Tony questions.

“Okay, guys that’s enough. You know how he is. I’m not happy with the way he’s acting either but he’ll figure it out. Just make sure you don’t hurt her, Bucky.” Steve says pointedly.

Bucky doesn’t reply to any of them. His mind is only focused on you.

After breakfast, Steve confronts Bucky “Buck, buddy, what’s going on?”

“Steve… I know we talked about this on the jet but I can’t help but feel like she’s better off without me…”

“What are you talking about? Why would you say that?”

“I’m the reason all of this happened… I caught her on the street when we were first chasing her. I was with her on the plane when she was kidnapped and couldn’t do anything about it—”

Steve cuts him off “Enough. Stop this. You can’t blame yourself for everything. We were all there. We all went to go get her. We were all on that first mission when she was kidnapped. The only reason you’re blaming yourself fully is because you can’t admit you have serious feelings for her and you push her away. I know you Buck, I know you better than I know myself. If you don’t wake up and realize what’s in front of you, somebody else will and it’ll be too late.”

Steve shakes his head and huffs out angrily.

“Listen man, it’s your choice but don’t come crying to me asking me where you went wrong. You fully know what you’re doing, you’re not stupid.” Steve ends the conversation and walks away.

——————————————————————————-------------------

A few days have passed since your last mission. You've been taking it easy, and doing small tasks here and there for the team. Any missions you've been on have remained remote.

As you're cleaning your office it feels different. The air is heavier. You haven't been in this room since you were kidnapped. When you had first returned, you couldn't even look at your door without having a panic attack.

Now, as you sit in your chair and start up your computer and hear the whirring, you smile at the familiarity of it. It feels like home to you now, your computer is your escape and your safety net.

You're working on rearranging your firewall and reinforcing the security of your system from any potential hydra hacking attempts when you hear a light knock at the door. You swivel around in your chair and see Steve leaning against the doorframe, his hands in his pockets.

"Hey, um....I just wanted to check on you..." Steve says.

You sigh "Thank you Steve, but honestly, I mean it when I say I'm okay. Last night was the first time in weeks since I've had a proper night's sleep without night terrors. I can handle myself."

"I know, I know you can and you proved that but even the strongest soldiers need help sometimes."

You bite your inner cheek as you take in what he's saying.

“I didn't come here as your boss or your captain, I came here as a friend, because I truly care about you and I needed to speak to you." Steve slowly enters your room, grabbing a chair to sit in front of you.

"I just wanted to let you know that I’m so happy that you’re feeling better and proud of all the progress you’ve made. I love you like a sister, I truly thought I lost you. I was desperate to save you, you’re my family and I felt helpless and lost when we couldn’t find you. Then we did find you and then we got ambushed and you almost got kidnapped again while we were right there! …. I - I’m so sorry… I’m so so so sorry that I wasn’t there to protect you, that Bucky and I weren’t there… we promised you and i’m so sorry…” Tears spill from his eyes down his cheeks.

“Oh Stevie, this wasn’t your fault. You never broke your promise, in my heart I know that you’re protecting me always, physically and in spirit. You and Bucky were protecting me when I was in that hell hole. You’re the reason I survived.” you explain to him.

“But- I…”

“I love you too Stevie. You’re my family, the entire team is the one and only true family I have ever had.”

You pull Steve in for a hug, which he accidentally crushes you a little too hard making you yelp lightly in surprise.

“Oh sorry! I’m just so happy you’re healthy and safe. Um, before I go, I wanted to mention one more thing… um... I need you on another mission. Still remote, we're not putting you in the field until you're ready again. Are you okay with that? I'll give you the debrief now if you're ready..." Steve

"Um... yeah I think I am... I think it's time for me to start getting back out there for real. I'm in, what's the mission?"

"It's a relatively simple mission. We need you to hack into the home security systems of a hydra agent. Disable all and any alarms or traps. You'll be guiding Bucky through the home every step of the way because he will be in complete darkness, only you will be able to see with the night vision cameras and guide him to the right room without being spotted."

"Alright, sounds simple enough. When do we start?"

"Tonight at midnight, be ready with your comms on. We need you inside those systems the moment Bucky steps foot onto that property."

"Understood." you say as you turn around and continue working on your computers.

Steve watches you for a little while, contemplating if he should say something but decides against it and walks away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You're working on the systems, hacking into them, but they're more difficult than you had anticipated. You're hurrying as you see Bucky's truck approaching the property.

The second Bucky speaks over the comms, you're finally in. You tell him to wait while you disable all alarms and traps and turn on the night vision cameras in the home to guide him.

"Okay, all is clear. I intercepted all electronic and mechanical traps, beware of man-made ones that only you can see" you warn Bucky.

"Got it. Thanks." he replies.

Why is he being so cold? It's our first mission together after since i've returned...

"Alright, when I say go you need to duck and roll towards the bush to your left. Then, at my signal I will open the door and you'll slide in before it shuts. You have a 5 second window." you relay the plan to him.

"5 seconds? are you kidding me? Who do you think I am? The Flash?" he says sarcastically.

"No, The Winter Soldier." you reply slyly.

You hear his breath hitch as he stops in his tracks.

"Show me what you've got super soldier" you say flirtatiously.

"Doll, if you keep talking like that this mission will never get done."

"Sorry, did you prefer being called sir?" you challenge.

"Cyber...." he warns you.

"Alright you big grump, get ready... okay 3-2-1...go!" you give him the signal. You watch him duck and roll and slide through the door before it shuts quietly.

"Told you you could do it." you say with a smirk.

Bucky grunts in response which makes you laugh as you celebrate your small win.

Bucky is in the house. It's a large modern home, all glass windows and modern architecture; making it difficult for Bucky to sneak around and hide but easy for you to hack into.

The home is completely dark as you guide Bucky with every step so he doesn't make a sound and get caught.

"alright, there are 2 guards to your left. One of them is sleeping, the other is walking back and forth every minute, between where you're hiding and his sleeping buddy. When I say now, you will stealth attack the guard. Make sure he doesnt make a sound."

"Copy that." Bucky replies.

You're confused by his constant change of tones. One moment he's cold, the next he's hot and now he's cold again? Maybe he's just really focused on the mission....

"Alright, get into position he's coming your way... Now!"

You hear Bucky grab onto the guys neck and cover his mouth. He slowly chokes him into an unconscious state and then drags his body behind a counter.

"Nicely done." you compliment.

He doesn't reply, so you move on to the next opponent.

"The other guard is sleeping, so you can leave him be. To your right there's another guard. He's a big guy with lots of armour and a big gun. You're going to have to sneak past him, you can't take him out without causing too much noise."

"When I say go, you'll sprint to the stair case and hide behind that massive statue" you explain to him.

"Copy that." he replies dryly.

You roll your eyes and ruflfe your brows in angry confusion.

"Alright,... go!" you signal as you see him sprint and hide.

"I'm going to create a distraction so the big guy and his friend go in the opposite direction. You'll go up the stairs and hide behind the other massive statue at the top. This guy really likes statues damn."

You hear Bucky chuckle.

"What's the distraction?" Bucky asks.

"Oh, you'll know when you hear it." you chuckle.

Suddenly, random car alarms from everywhere start going off. Lights flashing, sirens blaring. You see the guards get up and rush away to find the source of the intrusion.

You smile to yourself in satisfaction "Are you up the stairs?"

"You weren't kidding, doll. That was impressive." he compliments you.

Now he's hot again... I don't understand?

"Okay, now when I say go, you will dash behind the plant to your right. Directly in front of the plant is the room you need to enter to grab the documents and go."

"The cameras are showing that the room is empty, but there are guards patrolling the entire floor. We need to do this properly, there are too many of them and you'll be overpowered."

"Okay... get ready.... go." you see him dash behind the plant.

Just as he's about to go for the door you see a guard start going up the stairs.

'Stop! Don't move. Guard coming up the stairs." You see Bucky squirm his way behind the plant as best he can, as the guard turns and walks in the opposite direction.

"The cameras show no movement inside the room. I removed the lock, once you go inside, go straight to his desk. I already stole all electronic files, you need to look for paper documents."

"Okay, coast is clear, get in the room." you say as he sprints to the door and quietly opens it as he slides inside.

You see him ruffling through the documents in the desk as you're keeping an eye out for the guards.

"I can't find anything. Are you sure there are paper documents?" He asks, frustrated.

"Yes. All information from the electronic data points to there being hard copies of the most highly classified documents as a safety measure. Their protocol is to burn all evidence if they get caught." You explain to him.

"I'm getting a reading from behind inside the desk. It looks like a large rectangular box. I think it's inside the desk itself. Look beneath it and see if the wooden panels are loose."

Bucky ducks beneath the desk and feels around for any loose panels when he hears a click and the panel slides open to the side. He grabs onto a rectangular metal box.

"I got it. There's no padlock or keypad to lock it.... wouldn't they keep more high profile cases more secure than this?" Bucky questions.

You're looking at him through the cameras and start scanning the interior of the mysterious box. Your breath gets caught in your throat when your computer blares a warning in flashing red

BOMB. DISPOSE IMMEDIATELY.

"Bucky. Do not move. You're holding a bomb. I can't diffuse it from here because there's no technology related to it. When I give you the signal, you will slowly get up and walk to the window that I will unlock and open. I'm sending in a small drone that will pick it up with a magnet. Do not make any sudden movements."

"Okay. I got it." Bucky says. You can see the stress on his face, his teeth gritting together in panic.

He gets to the window as the window clicks open. The drone you sent out whirs inside, hovers over the metal box and slowly picks it up magnetically, as to not touch any part of it abruptly. You control it to hover away and fly into the forest nearby.

"What was that? That was crazy..." Bucky says in disbelief.

"It's a drone, old man. I'll explain it to you later." you roll your eyes.

"Now, follow the escape plan and get out of there." you say.

You watch him climb out of the window and attach himself with a hook and rope. He starts to climb down the side of the building as you're warning him when to stop or continue whenever a guard passes by.

Bucky makes it to the bottom and hides in the bushes again. He successfully manages to get into the quinjet and fly off.

You breathe a sigh of relief when you see him taking off.

"What are you going to do with the bomb?" he asks.

"When you're far enough, you'll know."

Five minutes later, Bucky sees a massive explosion where the home was.

He shakes his head "Always one for the theatrics I see" he says while chuckling.

"I always prefer to finish with a bang." You hear Bucky groan at the awful pun.

"See you at the base." Bucky says and shuts the comms off.

You sit back and reflect on the mission. It was relatively successful except for the paper documents that are missing.

Bucky was acting so strangely... one second he's flirting with me and the next he's cold and distant.... Maybe he doesn't have feelings for me like I thought he did....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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[starsofatlantis]

nurse she’s out again

I’ve been thinking a lot about who Treech and Lamina are and their relationship to each other and mostly the downfall of it. I wanted to put all those thoughts down into one place and I always enjoy reading character analyses so I thought I’d share!

To preface, this is my own personal take on them and an insight to the way I write them in fics. This is entirely the movie side of them. I enjoy their book versions, but the movie created a very compelling relationship that I have yet to move on from. I would love to hear other thoughts and opinions so please don’t hesitate to share if you feel the need to!

To start, I view them as childhood friends. There are a few options of how I think their relationship could have gone (that is to say developing into a romantic relationship or staying friends) pre-hunger games, but I know that in all of them, they care deeply about the other.

Individually, this is how I write them:

Treech:

To me, Treech is the oldest of two younger sisters and the burden of that is a defining part of his character. His entire family is still intact and that also weighs heavy on him. I think he lives in fear of what could happen to him, his family, and everything he cares about. This leads to an attempt at trying to care about as few people as possible. He tries to keep his head down and mind his own. He keeps everyone at arms-length. He has friends but they are shallow relationships and only viewed as people to spend time with. He will not do anything to put his life and his family’s life at risk. They get by and in that world, have a good life. He is not going to be the one to ruin that. He has not lost anything of value in his life and in turn, that makes him terrified.

Treech has never lost anyone. He doesn’t know how he would react to grief. It terrifies him because he’s never done it. As much as he tries not to he loves deeply, but he is so afraid of loving more than necessary because he has never lost, and when you live in the world they do, losing is inevitable and simply a matter of waiting.

I view him as a slave to self-imposed duty, someone who would sacrifice anything for the few people he loves (*cough cough* his own innocence), as well as someone with an unhealthy dose of self-hatred.

I think Treech is constantly fighting with himself. His dislike for himself, his inability to allow himself to be close to people and his unwavering kindness and sense of duty are in direct opposition of each other at all times. Everything in him is always fighting to gain the power and it really is just a matter of what day it is as to which trait is the strongest.

He is not consistent with his thoughts and feelings and switches up very easily. He’s hard to get a read on because you think you understand him and you do but only for that moment because the next minute he feels the opposite way.

I think Treech views himself as uninfluential and not really someone of any consequence, which to me is why he becomes so infatuated with Lamina.

Lamina:

Lamina lost a mother during the war, and later two older twin brothers who were rebels and died because of that. It is just her and her father (which in my head also meets the headcanon of why she is better dressed than Treech; family of two vs. family of five). Where Treech has never lost anyone he’s loved, Lamina has lost nearly everyone. While a lot of times this would make someone cold, it makes Lamina even more determined to relish in the things she values. She loves, and she refuses to lessen that love just because she may lose it.

I think when you lose someone, it forces you to face not only your own mortality but also everyone else’s. Lamina takes that mortality and instead of being scared of it promises to make the most of it. Not only that but I think it makes you even more confident in your own strength. If you can get through the loss of someone you love, I think there are very few things you can’t get through. Lamina knows this and she knows how she reacts to grief. She trusts that she has the strength to love and lose because she has done it— multiple times— and she has survived.

I think Lamina is wickedly smart and enjoys learning. I view her as someone who is extremely emotionally intelligent and mature, but for all her confidence in her strength, I think she is also insecure. Typically, I find that people with that kind of maturity at such a young age are ostracized because their peers simply aren’t at that level yet and most of the time what kids don’t understand they label as weird. I think Lamina became very used to the feeling of being alone and at times fed into the notion that her differences were bad. I imagine Treech was the first person to ever treat her intelligence as something that is simply “cool” and not something that makes her incapable of being a kid.

I picture Lamina as someone who is cohesive and a flowing picture of all of her different traits. She accepts each one for what it is and allows it to do its job in her life. She tries to always be better but she doesn’t drown in her faults.

Notice how above I say often “this is what they think about themselves”. They think certain ways about themselves when the opposite is true. Perspective!

In actuality, Treech is strong in his devotions and uneasily swayed from them. He views himself as weak-minded when really he is so stuck in his views he cannot change. He believes that keeping everyone at arms length will keep his heart safe when in reality it does more harm than good. He thinks he is of no consequence to anyone, tries so hard to not cause any trouble, yet makes an impact on every person he’s come into contact with. I believe Treech’s number one character trait is that he is kind. It’s in his nature to help and I think he physically cannot stop himself. It’s just something that happens. It’ll be one instance that he thinks means nothing but means everything to someone else (i.e. being kind to Lamina as children is something he doesn’t even think of because “anyone would do this” yet none of their peers had ever done it before). He thinks he’s inconsequential but he impacts people without even knowing it.

Lamina believes she is unnerving to others when in reality she has that kind of spark that makes it hard to look away. Think about those people who are inexplicably infatuating. So yeah, in a way she is unnerving, but only because you can’t help but notice her. She’s an enigma who’s been labeled as weird.

However, I don’t think they are that different from each other. Instead, I think it is the way they go about those similarities that make them different.

For example:

Treech is kind and he wants so badly not to be. Lamina is kind and wishes she were more so. Where she sees her kindness and empathy as a strength, Treech views his as a weakness.

I think they both are intense about their love, but where one runs from the strength of his love, the other does everything she can to make it stronger.

They both are fiercely loyal. Treech tries to limit that loyalty to his family, but Lamina wishes to give it to everyone.

The ironic part about this is that the traits Treech sees as faults in himself he sees as otherworldly in Lamina. (Perspective 😍)

I picture Treech to have almost in a sense placed Lamina atop a pedestal. She is everything he wishes he were; open, free, and believing in good. Lamina in his eyes is something he is unworthy of, but also something he thinks would ruin him should he ever lose it. She is something to be protected but never touched.

This is so unhealthy though, because it’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone you don’t view as an equal.

Lamina, however, grounded sweetheart that she is, views Treech as human. She adores him for all that he is— good and bad. She adores him for his kindness and for his fearfulness. Lamina values Treech because she values every living being. But she loves him because he is Treech.

However, the downside of this is that I imagine she lets him get away with many things because he was the first person outside of her family to be kind for the sake of being kind. I think Treech would reject a lot of her attempts at getting closer and refuse to admit how much he cares about her. I think Lamina, who is so declarative with her love and wants the same back, is only able to look past this because she convinces herself that the only thing that matters about him is his kindness. Kindness she has been a firsthand witness to and kindness that impacted her at a young age. She’s seen the good in him and refuses to let that good be outshined by all his bad, even if that means becoming a bit of a doormat for his bad habits.

Lamina grows to love Treech over a period of time as she forces herself to push past all his flaws. Treech loves her in an instant because he can’t help himself.

This plays into the part above where I talked about how Treech thinks he doesn’t impact anyone when in reality it’s impossible for him not to and how Lamina has that quality about her that forces everyone to at least look at her.

When Treech shows Lamina that first act of kindness as kids, he impacts her life in a way that makes it impossible for her to not want to know him. Lamina inherently has that quality about her, the quality that makes people want to know her, and Treech, guarded, closed-off Treech, is unable to escape her pull.

In my head, there is literally no world where they don’t immediately mean something to each other, because it is literally engraved into who they are. Treech impacts everyone, Lamina forces everyone to impact her.

In a perfect world, Treech goes to therapy for his self-hatred and Lamina gains a little bit of self-worth (i.e. tells Treech to figure his shit out instead of taking it out on her) however they live in Panem and that is not possible.

Thus their downfall.