#people can use it if they want idk i spent a lotta time on it so like should be used for something

[clockworkreapers]

Finished an AU piece that has been sitting on my desktop for the past 7 months!

[fullt4nk]

submit to me (shuriri x reader) 18+

hey 🤭 this is my first time writing on tumblr and im lowk scared.. like what do I even say in one of these authors notes things??? prolly gonna pop up every once in a while with smth for people to read idk yet tho 🤷🏾‍♀️

gotta give cred where it’s due, this is heavily inspired by @generallysapphic their works are incredible

warnings: reader and riri are subby lil whores, tribbing, lottaaaa lotta lotta sex, basically porn w/o plot, voyeurism if yew squint, maybe a lil degradation if yew squint

some translations: zithandwa zam- my loves, uthando- love, khawulezisa- hurry up

bored, bored, bast i’m so bored.

I have gotten no attention from my loves all day and I was starting to get angsty. swinging my legs back and forth on the desk I was sitting on, I played around with riri’s hammer that was placed on the desk and hummed a small tune.

riri walked over to me as I jumped from my place on the desk; finally, some attention. I smiled at her expectingly as she walked over, excited be with one of my girlfriends.

she walked right behind me to reach for her tool box. well damn.

as she picked up a tool from her took box she turns to shuri, “shuri catch,” she yelled, throwing a wrench from her tool box right towards shuri.

she caught the wrench with ease. “how many times do I need to tell you to stop throwing heavy objects around riri?” last time riri threw a cogwheel towards shuri without looking, she broke a prototype shuri spent hours working on… it didn’t go well for her.

“my bad baby,” she said walking back to her original spot at her desk. I watched them work with a hot feeling in my stomach. damn they look good. with shuri in nothing but a tank top and sweats, i watched her arms flex every time she used that wrench. riri had on a sports bra and shorts. i watched her perfectly pierced nipples on display through the bra as thoughts of my lips attached to them racked through my mind

I could feel myself getting more fidgety as i watched their bodies move and work away at whatever they were building. at this point, anything was better than sitting and watching them work themselves to death in this damn lab. an idea popped into my mind and I fake a yawn best I can, throwing my hands above my head and stretching. my slightly cropped shirt lifted and a small portion of my midriff became exposed as riri watched me, eyes drifting.

just what I wanted

“you good?” she questioned. she looked me up and down and she could tell how bored I was just by looking into my eyes. “we’ll be there in a minute just wait a little longer baby.”

“nah i’m tryna take a nap… i’ll be back in a minute,” I said, looking and riri with a certain look. she immediately caught on to what I meant by “nap” and bit her lip.

“um yeah shuri I think imma go too. we been working since 7am and i’m tired as hell,” she said, only half meaning it. yeah she was tired, but not tired as in “I wanna sleep” tired. tired as in “i’m tired of working and wanna mess around” tired.

“you two go ahead, i’ll be there for diner.” shuri gave riri a kiss on the forehead and walked over to me to hug me. “get some rest, zithandwa zam.”

“haaah fuck please please please,” I whined and writhed all over the place. riri’s clit rubbing against mine having too big of an effect on my orgasm. “please don’t stop. need it need it so bad.”

“nghh im gonna cum fuck i’m gonna cum so hard ohhh my god,” riri’s eyes were glued shut as she wailed and moaned on top of me. her dripping pussy on mine like felt like heaven that I never wanted to let go of. and fuck the sounds she made, all whiny and high pitch. she especially got like this whenever we were tribbing, saying it was her favorite way to get off.

“please, please, please, wanna cum, fuck i wanna cum, i wanna cum all over your beautiful pussy please let me cum!” she babbled into my neck as my legs shook. fuck she’s cumming, I can feel her pussy get impossibly wetter. it drips against my folds and it’s just enough to send me over the edge.

“cumming, cumming, cumming im cumming-!” I silently screamed into riri’s chest and softly bit her nipple to quiet myself down. “ngh-! fuck fuck baby do that again please,” she begged

I softly bit her nipple again looking into her brown eyes, licking and biting softly as she moaned and squirmed in my arms. because her nipples were pierced, her sensitivity was through the roof as she arched her back, forcing her chest further into my face. I couldn’t help it as I began moving against her, wanting more friction on my clit. I knew I was overstimulating her, but god she felt so good.

“shit please baby please,” at this point I was begging just to beg. I just wanted more of her and her creamy pussy on mine. I wanted to smother myself in her chest as I sucked and nibbled on her perky nipples. fuck I could do this all day.

“wow. so I leave you two alone for 30 minutes and you’re already going at it like you’re in heat.”

fuck.

riri is quick to jump down from my lap, leaving my wet cunt exposed to shuri. “f-fuck um-“ riri panicked looking anywhere and everywhere to avoid shuri’s piercing gaze.

“shhh no need uthando. both of you, go back to what you were doing.” she tilted her head to the side and smirked in amusement. she was planning something, I could see it in the way she looked me up and down.

“please shuri-“ I whined as my breathing picked up, excited to know what she had in mind. “nope, no help from me. c’mon give me a show you two. i’ve been working so hard to protect this nation, i think I deserve a private performance.” she is vividly eyeing my fluttering cunt chuckling at it’s reaction to her presence.

me and riri are looking at her like deer in headlights, wide eyed and shocked at shuri’s request. we’ve never done anything like this before and judging by the look on riri’s face, she’s just as shocked and turned on as I am.

“khawulezisa, i don’t have all day,” she demands in a deep voice, thick with her accent, and fuck it’s so sexy. she takes off her tank top and throws it somewhere around the room, exposing her perfect torso and breasts. riri slowly climbs on top of me again and her clit slightly rubs against mine, making us both moan out.

we slowly find our rhythm again, grinding against each other with our eyes shut. there’s a new found feeling that makes me clench around nothing, knowing that shuri is watching me and riri moan and rub against each other. our chests are rubbing against each other, making riri pant even louder and heavier.

shurir stalks her way over to the bed to whisper in riri’s ear, “you like having your nipples played with like this?” as reaches between us, she’s squeezes and rubs riri’s nipples. riri moans in ecstasy, rubbing faster against me. shuri’s low voice in riri’s ear is enough to have her like a bitch in heat, grinding her pussy on me. “nngh, fuck riri slow down!” our clits gaining more friction causes a high pitch whine to escape my lips, as my eyes roll back; god this feels so good.

“haaa fuck shuri please. need you so bad, need to feel you, need to feel you deep- haah!” moans and pleads roll off my tongue like it’s nothing, begging shuri to fuck me. “poor usana, need something long and thick in this pretty pussy huh? what, riri isn’t enough anymore? she seemed like enough before I walked in here,” she says, reaching in between us to run her fingers through my folds. she rubs against me and riri, as we grind into shuri’s hand.

shuri could feel the wet spot between her draws as she watched her love’s pathetically rub against each other. she wanted nothing more than to take them right then and there, but she had to be patient and enjoy the scenery in front of her. “wanna cum usana? wanna cum for me? c’mon cum all over each other. fuck, it’s so wet I can see it. I can hear it. go on my love’s, cum for me.”

fuck that’ll do it.

riri is absolutely gone. shaking, crying of overstimulation, moaning, she was all fucked out as her thick creamy cum spilled over my pussy and shuri’s hand. my cum mixing in with hers as I bit into her neck to quiet my squeals.

“look at you two, such good girls for me yeah?” shuri’s lips connected with mine as she slipped her tongue into my mouth. fuck she drives me crazy as her tongue explores and licks every crevice of my mouth. she detaches from me, a string of spit keeping us together.

she turns to lean into riri, as riri completely opens her mouth for shuri, reaching her tongue out. shuri sucks on riri’s tongue, slow and sensually, letting her tongue into her mouth and bobbing her head up and down. riri whines and pinches her nipple, feeling her cunt clenched around nothing.

shuri slaps her hands away from her breasts and says “patience my love, i’ll take care of you..”

LMFOAOA I PRESSED THE POST BUTTON TOO SOON BY ACCIDENT 😭

but we’re already rackin up some typa engagement ok I see y’all !!

maybe i’ll write more, who knows BUT FOR NOW THIS IS WHAT I GOT

[yelling-space]

sex hcs

// Might be a lil heavy 4 a first post idk??? thought it be a good indicator of what u can expect from me in relation 2 each charter encase that's sming u want 2 avoid tho,

so enjoy this short summary the Main 4s feelings on/relationship with sex and daans here 2 for some reason

none the left over colours fitted Enki so i made him pink 2 spite him

Cw :(Impyed) child prostitution + s/a

Cahara

-whore by birth,slut by choise

-has a hate-love relationship with sex(regardless position) and kinda treats it like a "get out of jail free" card, rellised from a young age the amount of horrble suitions he can get out of if he opens his mouth a lil wider and swings his hips a little

-can be pear pressured/guilted into agreeing 2 sex + for as mutch as hes into and enjoys sex he feels so gross and unclean and not comfy in his own skin after regadles who its with (he will internaly throw up and try 2 rip his skin of if you call him "exotic")

-will cry if he has totally normal fully consensual sane safe sex w a partner/ his wife

-doesnt understand the religious belifes of immodesty or sodomy esply when those higher up dont tend 2 practice what they preach , OPPOSITE of a prude , open whore.

D'arce

-closeted butch top that didnt realize her desire to fuck pretty men was actually her lesbian soul shining through

-lotta her,,,less practical ,vewis on sex stem from deep rooted homophba + was 2 goal oriented and determined 2 became a knight 2 even think about or consider it before espacping the dugon

-full heartedly believed all women harbour a disgust 4 the male sex organ and that coupes just did not have sex endless it was 2 convive a child , as you can imagine she was in for a surprise when discovering that was not the case.

-horrifically inexperienced and guided by her desire to dominate, and thus becomes known for owning The Scary Strap" that medieval men are afraid of

Enki

-Dead body fucker. That Necromancy spell is NOT going to just go too waist ,

-not all that interested in sex in general and never really saw any reason to engage with it when spell books are literally RIGHT there . saying that he most definitely gets of on having something completely under his control regardless what end the "fucked-fucking" scale he's on

- not really into sex with living people + how he's probably kind of inexperienced due to an isolated upbringing hence the want for control over puppeteering a sexual partner (dead body), or the high he gets off inflicting acts of sadism given how his ideas of intimacy have been twisted from childhood

-100%%%%%%% a fucking freek btw just cuz hes not 2 instered in sex dosnt mean hes not a fucking freek man fucks dead people and probs vry mutch into s/m

Rag

-wife kink. you don't understand how much he loves his wife.

-probs thinks sex is something shared between two lovers and is something meant 2 be full of affection and enjoyed by both party's

-probs see's s/a being viewed as something incredibly disrespectful, cowardly and the abuser deserve of death getting his shit kicked in (this is funny because i like 2 imagen rag starts projecting his dead wife onto cahara when he starts 2 lose it in the dungeon)

-did not know sex work existed or brothels were a thing, got jump scared by it when taking cahra back 2 see his wife with the others , he was vry confused and not rly sure where he was MENT 2 look so spent most the time with his eyes glued to the floor, celling or his friends faces (he respects women even if he's not rly sure what's going on)

Daan

-lil sex adictic freek , dosnt even realy enjoy sex that much,just so used 2 it being apart his life hes not entirely sure what 2 do without it,+allows himself to ast least feel incontrol the situion (for once in his life) cus he knows what the goal is and faster he gets it over with faster he'll be left to his own devices again.

-sex is all he rly knowns and grown up around, as well as one the only things hes ever seen actually be meaningful to anybody,regardless there relationships with there partner. but it feels like its something he owes people/doesnt really enjoy it regardless if he acrly wants it or not.

-dosnt proply understand how relationships work or that there's more 2 them then just sex (or that people could even *want* him for more then sex for that matter)

-sex was allways seen as something transactional or something for control - cant have any of that with fagcat, but can at least indulge in it in a way that makes him feel like he's way 2 finally has some small aspect control his life again.

-Honesty like ¾ his sex life is just him being abused by Pocketcat

[velvetvexations]

The main reason I don't connect at all with having been younger is because my personality shifts are especially extreme and my autism was not well managed and I had no helpful adults in my life for a long time so I was in a really bad place for a really bad time. The only part of my life I feel anything but intense cringe or regret for starts in 2020.

I feel like I didn't experience manhood mostly because of that autism. I had zero friends and did nothing offline until high school, when I had one who was also kinna an outcast. He had a bunch of friends who weren't me but were mostly girls, idk if that reflects anything about him. The people I spent the most time with were my cousins who never treated me in an especially gendered way. I feel like my most masculine experiences were not getting to keep my hair long or play with Barbies.

Of course, logically speaking, I did probably benefit over an AFAB child at some point because I was thought to be a boy, but being thought to be a boy was itself damaging, so it overall was an L for both of us. Lotta damage to a lotta people in a lotta ways in this society.

Yet even still, I have so many masculine interests. Shonen anime shaped not just my life, but my personality. That's another way I feel a kinship with transmasc fujoshis, who look at men in anime and say "I want that for myself." I'm not a man but I understand being a girl and seeing that appeal. One might say that in my case it's just hitting it's target audience, it's normal for boys to model themselves after boys media, but idk! I'm not a boy! I, however, unlike other AMAB trans women who should never have to describe themselves this way if they don't want, am male. I am a male woman. I think a lot of transmasc people, who see themselves as female men or are non-binary,* can understand finding how a sense of "maleness" and womanhood can both fit together.

And it is specifically anime. Lately I've been more down with having a lot of body hair because I think it's hot for me as a male woman to have body hair, but I still hate facial hair aesthetically and think it's immensely uncomfortable to have for reasons that don't even have anything to do with gender. If I hadn't ever been into Dragon Ball specifically I probably wouldn't want to be buff, either. But how can I not, with this being the very peak of childish coolness to me?

Broly is transfem, btw. Akira Toriyama told me in a séance.

Most of the non-Dragon Ball men I wanted to model myself after still got called fags by philistines. Even Toriyama's style wasn't quite like Araki's early stuff, where men were huge hulking bricks of solid testosterone, because Toriyama's faces always had a soft cartoonishness to them. Now when people want to draw me I specify I want to be visibly AMAB but the two examples I use are a really clocky cis woman and icon of raw masculinity Chris Motionless.

So that's my experience growing up with a socially reinforced gender assignment.

*I don't consider myself non-binary because I see male as a flavor of girl in my case and not something separate

[incesthemes]

yknow i really want to like the mark of cain plot because it's a nice complement to sam's god trials arc: subversions of their natures and destinies. sam the abomination, the boy king, is cleansed; dean, the righteous man, is corrupted. great concept honestly.

but i just can't help but feel like it's sorely underdeveloped, which is bizarre considering it's been going on for at least twice as long as the god trials did. there's a lot of hemming and hawing about dean going dark side, but without much actually happening—the lore is only shakily laid out, developments are minimal, and there's more worrying about what could happen than what actually is happening. not to mention there's no real progression here: one minute dean is brutally killing everything in sight, the next he's honky-dory and totally calm, even when he reverts back to his usual lifestyle.

idk. i like the concept, but it's dragged out too long for what it's actually giving in terms of development and plot beats. maybe this is one of those rare moments when i wish spn had spent less time on a plot, which is funny because usually they have quite the opposite problem and try to cram everything in too quickly.

i think what could have fixed this would be

laying out the road map a little more clearly: give something more than "the mark is a burden" so that the audience knows what to expect. season 9 did a very poor job of showing any effects of the mark at all, so there's very little tension to keep the audience invested in what will happen;

letting sam in on the effects way sooner: a lot of this arc involves dean brooding alone, and there's not much you can do with that without it getting boring fast. sam would be the best confidante because, well, they broached a new level of codependency with their remarriage, so that would be a nice way to show a lasting development in their relationship (and another layer of conflict because they're not used to being open or honest with each other; dean telling sam would not have worked out any better, so it would just generate more tension instead). and that way they can have more varied conversations about the mark because a new perspective is added to the mix;

giving dean a stricter downward spiral: the ups and downs of the mark are so sporadic and random that it doesn't give the impression that the mark is actually affecting dean all that much—more so that he just has random bursts of violence and then he's back to normal. the level of severity being pushed tonally by the narrative doesn't match up with what's actually, textually happening;

sticking to their guns: what happened to the whole "if you don't kill, you die" thing? that hasn't been brought up since the first episode, and somehow dean's still fine. he's only killed people in 4 episodes since he was cured of demon-ness, so i would assume there should be some kind of withdrawal symptoms present. but there hasn't been anything like that since season 9, and... does sam even know about this??? because i think that would create a lot of friction and drama because of the moral dilemma of "my brother has to kill to survive, but every time he kills he gets worse." there's lots of meat in that, but they haven't even brought it up.

just, yknow, make the developments more linear, stick to the lore, make good on the foreshadowing, actually show the effects to give weight to the tonal urgency. basic stuff i think.

man. it just kinda feels like a whole lotta nothing which is kind of hard to watch when the show is pushing a sense of urgency. the dissonance is just so striking.

[pkmnnursecass]

Ciao!

Hey there Rotomblr! I saw some of my coworkers talking about this app, so I decided to try it out! Name’s Cassidy, but you can call me Cass! I’m a big fan of She/Her pronouns, so use those for me if you'd please! I’m an aide down at that new Pokémon Center in Freezington, Galar. Nice to meet everyone!

Here’s my Trainer Card and a pic of me! Hope you can see them- I still have no idea how this site works lmao

Anyway, I'm from Castelia City in Unova! I spent a few years studying abroad in Kalos, and now I'm working in the Crown Tundra at the new Center they set up! I loooove astrology, cooking (especially curry), reading, movies and cardgames!!! I still don’t know a lot about Pokémon, but I’m good at taking care of them! I hope so, anyway. Lemme talk a little bit about my own!

Valentine - Ribombee: my first partner! I caught her when my family was vacationing in Alola way back. She's soooo adorable, and helps me out at the Center a ton!!

Chime - Chingling: my second Pokémon! I found him while studying in Kalos. He's more like emotional support for me, honestly. He's just as cute as Val!

Chansey: I got her from my employer (which I guess is the region???? Idk). She's very cool, and I think we work well together!

Lumi - Metang: Lumi was given to me by a friend in Kalos! They don't understand Galarian very well...and I'm no good at Kalosian...but I think they like it up here!! And they help out a lot!!!

Cheri - Spritzee: My newest team member!!! I caught her in Hammerlocke during my vacation (it keeps happening lol) She's super sweet!!!

That’s all for now! I can share my dreams and aspirations later, lol. Feel free to talk to me about anything- Pokémon, life, good recipes, movie recs, card games…like I said, anything!!!! It’s real lonely up here in the tundra, so any interaction is welcome!

Ciao! 🩷

(OOC stuff under the cut \/)

Update 1/7/24: Decided to update this, to offer more information and just generally be less cluttered! Also got rid of Cass' middle name, because that was lame and I forgot about it

Howdy! This is a Pokemon IRL Blog run by @skrelpson. As such, there's a major unreality warning for all of it! This blog runs off of mainly game/anime canon, with a sprinkle of headcanons throughout! Maybe I'll talk more about that later. idk!

Rules .｡.:*☆:

No NSFW! If you send any asks in that nature, you'll be blocked.

Magic Anons are off! They'll probably stay off, too. Just not comfy with that...yknow yknow

Pelipper Mail is on...ish! You can send things in, but please nothing like surprise gift Pokemon. Cass isn't equipped to deal with that right now! I will just ignore any mail that doesn't really jive with what's going on.

This is a low stakes blog! Cass might get into minor events, but for the most part it's just chill vibes in the tundra.

Speaking of, if you'd ever want to include me in some sort of RP (again, mainly low-stakes!), feel free to DM me! Just like specify what's going on. My writing RP skills are kinda rusty, but I can make it work! :]

Sapient Pokemon and the like can interact!

Basic DNI critera- Transphobes, racists, anti-seminists...etcetera...

In general, I'm not a very outgoing person. I gotta work up a lotta courage to try and talk to people! Especially people I don't know! And it might take me time to respond to a reblog, message, etc...it doesn't mean I don't want to interact! I'm just terrified of being online :p

Any ask game I reblog will be permanently open!!! Feel free to send in asks for any of them. Since that sounds a little daunting, here's a list of all the ones I've reblogged! Just PLEASE please please please include the question and not just the emoji...PLEASE

(I'll update this like...once every other month or something)

Find Out the Little Things!

Press A to Interact (This one doesn't really have a name? Ack sorry)

Roto Leak!

Pokéblr Ask Game

Curry Ingredient Ask Game

Assign a Pokémon Ability

Favorite Pokémon for Each Type

Sharing Story Aspects You're Excited For (I would label this one Pen(ny) for your thoughts if I wasn't a coward)

The ID was made using Pokecharm’s legacy Trainer Card Maker

The Picrew can be found here: [Link]

PREVIOUS ARCS (+Tags!)

The Lime Water Saga - a joke arc about Cass putting too many lime slices in her water bottle. Can be found under #lime water saga

Vocational Vacation - Cass tours Galar! She visits landmarks, takes pictures of ponies, and doesn't see the northern lights. Found under #vocational vacation arc

[sleepyburito]

Venting about my father

Tw! mental issues not being addressed/someone refusing to medicate and for... I guess weird dad? and a parent seemingly living through their kid? Idk how to explain this one, parents yelling at their child and general bad parenting

So... Imma just start with the usual thanking god I don't live with my dad and I haven't meet with him in person since the year before covid and yeah I am very grateful

But I have a once a week skype call with him I literally can only get out of if I'm really sick, have a social event or play up my exhaustion to make it seem like I'm sick

So my dad is a fucking ping pong ball of emotions when it comes to these calls. Sometimes the call is nice and sweet while other times I feel like fucking crying afterwards

I don't ever tell a lotta people how bad things get even my mom doesn't know the full extent of things. Like she's seen some of the worst of it cause it usually results in me crying and needing a hug but there's a lotta little things.

a prime incident that makes me so fucking mad looking back on it now is when I was 13. It was my dads birthday and I had managed to send his birthday present but it was going to be a bit late. I let him know this but then he doesn't show up for our Skype call. Then he sends this message.

'I'm very disappointed in you ***' (not saying my legal name here)

and it turns out he's upset I 'forgot' his birthday and it takes him hours to answer and in that time I have a full on meltdown crying session while me and my mom try figure out wtf?

Then there was the time he got on my ass about studying (which yes I was not doing) in a way that made my stubborn self snap and so he got mad and I got so mad I started crying and next thing I know we're ending the call and I'm crying to myself in the kitchen.

I now offer last weeks call. I mentioned I hadn't gone out and socialised much but I had managed to go on some walks and get some nice time to myself (I hadn't I just wanted him to shut up with asking me what I did) and I mentioned I wasn't the most energetic and also mentioned I was unwell. He got... idk offended?? that I said two 'different' things and was still pissed even when I explained I was exhausted cuz I was unwell cuz I didn't wanna explain to him I was having a terrible period that left me curled up behind my mom on the sofa to help with cramps

now, here comes my 'living through me' theory

I'm a lot more introverted than my dad, me and my mom rarely leave the house for social events because it's not our thing and we just rarely have the energy for it. My dad however, would rather I go out like every other day which is a massive no for me as I once had social plans for a solid 4 days straight and ended up exhausted and barely able to function afterwards

He got a bit annoyed when I mentioned I hadn't done much over the week and had mainly spent time for myself and talking with friends online

then he asks if I'm going to start dating my platonic partner again (long story short, we dated romantically for nearly 3 years but then we both realised we were on the aro spectrum and now we're just something undefined just... us). And previously when we were dating ... he would ask really weird questions that made me extremely uncomfortable about us kissing, having sex etc and I just... did my best to joke my way out of it or change the topic but he'd continue on even when I tried to stop him.

Then he asks about my week plans and gets pissy again! when I say my plans just include more walks because I wanna get more fresh air and not be trapped in my warm house all day.

He got so pissed he ended the call for once and I am just so done.

This is from a man who stopped taking his very important meds several years ago (around the time of the birthday incident) and it now and then hits me that this is the result.

He is well and truly a stubborn asshole and I'm considering just lying half the time that I met up with friends so he can shut the fuck up. He doesn't even pay fucking child support, closest thing he does is send me money for holidays and birthdays

I just.... really really wish I could cut him out but I can't rn and it fucking sucks so badly and I just... I really wish I could tell him to fuck off

this is without including him trying to make me his 'perfect lil princess' and when he got me, a gender blob of a person he kept trying to make me a sports fan which also! didn't work. Also his weirdness about me cursing when jesus fuck he knows how teenagers are and that I'm on the internet and around people my age?

I can also add him thinking it's 'funny' to imply I have feelings for literally any of my friends which is just a fuck no (not just cuz of the aro thing but because I'm also a lesbian with a lot of guy friends-)

Oh and the period of time where he kept 'joking' about me becoming a nun and working for god (I'm agnostic now) and him getting pissed when he learned I stopped going to church because it just wasn't for me

Then there's the time he yelled at me for something my mom did and now I cry when I'm stressed and yelled at while also having bad financial guilt when people spend money on me

Oh and for basic clarification? my dad doesn't have any custody or guardianship over me as my parents were never married but broke up when my mom was pregnant with me. My mom got complete guardianship over me and my dad (when he lived in my country) would visit and when he moved I'd go over there and stay with him for a week.

I don't know how I feel about him but I do know I really wish I could cut him out of my life for good.

sorry for the random vent I just needed to get this off my chest

[prettyboychik]

[Edit for context: diagnosed autistic, not given level at diagnosis but likely level 2ish. Comorbidities that effect cognitive functioning as well.]

. . . meh. decent points about uneven distribution and different people needing different things. Seems like author has never actually interacted with higher support needs / level 2-3 autistics and is basing her idea of autism solely on her own experiences and on people who are able to go be public speakers or write books (which is . . . absolutely not all or even a lot of us). Not all of us have that "even uneven" distribution where some domains are easy and some are medium and some are extreme difficulty. Some of us have an uneven distribution of skills where we range from some of the domains being moderate-high difficulty to some being severe-profound difficulty with none in the easy difficulty. Not all of us just need some perfect accommodation to be able to communicate with others and express Deep Inner Wisdom. Feels like in article she just ignores that or pretends it doesn't exist.

Last line kinda sums up my big problem w/ it imo. "Ask us what we can and cannot do. Even if it doesn't look as though we can understand." She's forgetting or ignoring or unaware that a lot of us can't understand and can never understand that question. She is ignoring/forgetting/unaware that many of us (if we understand the question) no matter how much support can't ever answer that question because of our autism.

Lotta thoughts, hard for me to explain. (Getting a bit frustrated trying, not anyone's fault 😅). Feel like I'm not the one who should be trying to explain bc the experience I'm trying to bring up is not mine, is the experience of many high support / "low functioning" etc autistics I have spent a lot of time around, most of which couldn't and probably can never explain their experiences with autism bc of their autism (even w all the support in the world). Feels like shes leaving them out.

Idk if this makes any sense, sorry. Honestly it's taken me over 1.5 hours (estimate) to get this much out and it's still doesn't even feel close to what I want to say. (And there are no supports in the world that could make it so I'm able to communicate what I want to say about this article . . . which is one of the things in the article I take issue with: the assumption that we just need the right supports to be able to "express our thoughts and feelings").

[All of this is "/not mad". Just frustrated at brain for not cooperating (and maybe a little mad that it feels like this author + article continue the broader trend of ignoring high support autistics who are Inconvenient to the Narrative.)]

I really enjoyed reading this article, I'd love to hear what others think-- if it's actually any good, I feel like I learned a lot from it

[eternalstargazer]

I reeeeally don't think I have to ask what's everyone's favorite SatoGou moment of 2021 after we got this:

But...

We did get other cute and/or funny SatoGou moments throughout the year (I'm going by Japanese air dates, btw)! I'm sure no one is gonna object to me doing a little bit of a recap, right? 😉

Ash caught Goh in his arms in the final episode of the year, but remember back at the start of the year when Chloe teased Goh for trying to catch Ash with a Pokéball?

Goh seemed to get a tad bit defensive there over an innocent little joke, didn't he? 🤭

This next moment is right up there with episode 92's hug in the sense that it kinda broke all our brains for a bit when it happened because yeah, did anyone really think we'd get a scene (and really, nearly a whole half episode) where Ash and Goh hold hands?? Yeah, yeah... circumstances and all that, but this episode didn't have to be approved for production. OLM was okay with this.

You'd think Goh would be more worried about there being a Gulpin stuck to his head and how the professor was going to go about getting it off, but nope. Here all that's on his mind/talks about is his embarrassment over holding hands with Ash. 🤔

Embarrassed to hold hands with Ash, but seemingly has no problem yanking some of the boy's clothes off out in the middle of the city.

Goh... hate to tell you this buddy, but you're worse than Team Rocket...

... when it comes to disguises. 😛 Or were you just looking for an excuse to wear your boyfriend's clothes? 😏

I don't think Ash minds though. He seems rather preoccupied with how Goh looks wearing his hat/vest. Psst! Ash, you're staring! 😊

Ah well... these two are used to staring at each other... how they haven't bumped into anything while walking and staring is beyond me.

Remember the time they spent a big chunk of the day just hanging out and walking around Vermilion? I think they may have spent more time looking at each other than for Pokémon to catch. 👀👀

They stare at each other so much it's no wonder they can't help but sometimes blush.

Why, Goh? 'Cause Ash knew you'd fanboy all over him and Ash is getting humble in his... er, old age. He has been around since 1997, after all! A younger Ash would've bragged to everyone in earshot (and remember Ash can be loud so that's a 'lotta people 🤣) after becoming the Champion of Alola but the Ash of today? Doesn't bring it up and only casually mentions it for a brief moment when the topic comes up.

On the subject of mentioning things, want to tell all of us (including Ash, Pikachu, and Grookey 😂) what's really going on in your head here, Goh?

... No? Okay. 😆

That's all right. We all already know, anyway (does that include Ash? Idk... but I bet Pikachu has had it figured out for some time now). 🤭 Heck, even wild Luvdisc can feel the love between these two! Why else would they be drawn to them (I can understand a school of Luvdisc just happened to be passing by once, but twice?? Luvdisc and couples, people! That's not me saying that either... just check the Pokédex entries!). 💕

What a year, aye? To think too this is just a small collection of the moments Ash and Goh have shared this past year. More good times await in the coming new year, I just know it! 🎆😃

[thatdude-noah]

idk if they'll do trans vanya in tua now that elliot has come out (it'll probably be based on whether he feels comfy playing a female character) but I have ftm vanya headcanons :)

- he wanted a name close to his birth name so he goes with victor !

- him and klaus bond a lot because klaus canonically uses he/they pronouns

- allison is really supportive!! but sometimes she's too supportive that it becomes weird but she has good intentions

- five and luther are both supportive but also a little confused because they spent a lotta time away from humanity

- diego tries to teach victor "masculine" things but victor isn't focused on that because he doesn't really care about being masc? and diego is a bit confused about that but supports his decisions

- ben may be dead but he still supports victor and educates himself on trans issues because he's dead and not a dick

- the others call victor their brother a lot and he appreciates it :)

- grace !!!!! she's great with it all !!!!!!!

- victor has unhealthy binding habits and his siblings hate that so they get him surgery as soon as possible

- the siblings will physically assualt someone if they misgender or deadname their brother

- uhhh sissy!!! she's a bit confused about victor's transition but she's supporting because she loves him :)

- allison becomes active on trans issues and because her platform is big it helps get a lot of other people invested in issues

- all the siblings do whatever they can to make victor feel good in his body !

anyway yeah ftm vanya

[impulstor]

explanations behind my song choice for my 3lsmp playlist under the read more! keep in mind, some of these songs don't really have a reason beyond just... vibes. and that some ideas have changed over time. anyway!

playlist here

anti-hero — originally added as an etho song, and still applies. with him being prepared to fight & kill for ren + the rest of the red army. also, he tends to be a bit unpredictable and has a very different moral standing from someone like, say, martyn.

kill the sun — fits with the series as a whole, with shifting alliances and friendships, and with people killing and being killed by one another.

special — this ones for all the mfs who didn't pick a side until really late, or were bouncing between factions for a while 💪. especially for tango, as an example, making friends with someone who he can also consider his enemy, and being completely unsure where he stands in any group, though he wants to have their faith.

villain — this song is just really good for making a mental amv for lmao. it's good for demonstrating differing alliances n sides, n of course that applies here.

oh, death — not a lot of specific thoughts for this, just. yknow, death, vibes, dying for someone, watching your friend die, etc.

6up 5oh cop-out — first of all, I'm just a slut for will wood sometimes. second, a lot of the lyrics on their own could 100% be applied to events in the series (I mean I did use some from it for my etho n tango drawing for funsies) so. it's a strange song but the vibes fit well, in my opinion :]

kill of the night — a bit self explanatory, I think. in a series about trying to outlive, and to eventually kill your friends? no doubt you're going to end up hunting certain people down, hmmm? revenge, n all that. works well for multiple characters, really.

you're gonna go far, kid — impulse. just like. tango, or maybe etho, at impulse. "with a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit em right between the eyes" I meaaan 🤔 how is it NOT impulse lmao

kill the lights — once again, killing, death, murder, yknow. good vibes. also people lying and betraying one another, and watching as their friends and enemies die in front of them, people being changed by the events that transpire.. also technically they ARE actors sooo. kill the actor, yknow

mad IQs — mostly this song just slaps (thank you eexer 🙏) but also the lyrics fit well with the events! death, murder, killing your friends, burning. there is a lot of fire.

go get your gun — works very well for the whole war goin on. one side vs another, fighting and losing allies, fighting to win for their fallen allies, cheating fate if they DO win. also the line "when this is over, we'll raise a glass straight up to the sun" could be seen as like. everyone coming together to be friends once it's all over bc they are!

c'est la vie — it fits well. bad things happen, you lose people, you hurt, karma kicks your ass, but that's just life, and that's the game. c'est la vie.

i'm gonna win — fits for how they're all fighting to be the last one standing. and also with having to work through literally dying and to not give up, if you want to win.

mr capgras... — once again, I just like will wood. also fits well with people fighting each other, mostly with the chorus. "you'll never take me alive" / "you better pray that I die" likjkeeeee 👀 you could make art fitting those lyrics tbh

curses — red & green duos (at least. when they were intact :/) sticking together, taking care of one another when everything is going to hell, people are dying, and it's getting intense. they trust each other, at least.

under the pressure — don't really have something specific, it just fits well, with the lyrics. honestly this one fits well as a skizz song, now that I'm thinking about it. he went from trying to be friends with a lotta people to taking two out for good and went out in a blaze of glory. yea. that's what I got lol

everybody wants to rule the world — I dont think I really need an explanation for this one. it just fits well with everyone trying to win the whole game, and with everything slowly ramping up in intensity

rebels — for scar and grian being crime bros for the first while :] everything IS burning, good for them!

outrunning karma — impulse once again. playing everyone, playing to everyones good sides as much as he could, until the act didnt matter anymore. but karma might really kick him in the ass, if he ends up as one of the last survivors, and others turn on him for betraying everyone earlier on.

you're nobody til somebody wants you dead — shrug emoji. just fits well mostly. friends fighting eachother, betrayal, yadda yadda.

thanks i hate it — mmm,, tango? idk, im just a tango enjoyer, and he has spent quite a bit of effort trying to please certain groups to like. no avail. especially team crastle. like tbh he was solidly on board with em for a while, and mightve gone back to them on his own. but cleo blackmailed him anyway. rip tango.

the riddle — ALL OF IT. the whole series. it fits

crazy = genius — i dont rly like brendan urie like at all. so i might remove it from the playlist at some point. but it does fit with scar and grian being villains.

icarus — mmm fits well with grian. with the wing imagery, and with the fact that he made SO many enemies by working with scar. and he never reaallllyyyyy apologized, did he? he's walking a dangerous line, with few allies,

cradles — idk lmao. vibes only.

wolf in sheeps clothing — impulse again mostly lol. sung by skizz or etho probably. betrayal <3

how villains are made — again, for those neutral parties that had to choose a side. its about being torn between two sides & having to choose. honestly, I could see it fitting bigb, if he does some funky villain stuff next session. he deserves it I think <3

killing butterflies — trauma, ouchie, angst, murder your friends. everything hurts.

king — ren!! that's it.

little lion man — bruh if ren dies and leaves martyn alone.... ghost ren to martyn.... ouch.

gives you hell — red army @ sand people. specifically etho and ren get to be petty at scar i think

wine red — [gestures vaguely] all of it

i bet my life — red and green duos again. though it could be after some of them permadie.

miss missing you — (thanks again eexer this one also slaps <3) ouch impulse and tango angst. or impulse and etho angst. OR etho and tango angst. THEM. :(

youth — all of it but like. after it's over. just like going back and looking at how it all went down.

a gorey demise — i just think it would be fun to animate everyone's different deaths to this song tbh

another one bites the dust — they are once again Dying. but it's not angsty and dramatic this time.

god rest ye merry gentlemen — 😔 the whole thing again. pain

[phoebehalliwell]

don't know if you answered this before but in what order would you rank the endgame couples - piper/leo, phoebe/coop, paige/henry? very curious

oh hmm i actually have never been asked this!! hmm this is difficult. okay so like. obvi before we begin i must offer a disclaimer here. i am a paragon of bad taste. let’s not forget my entire valentine’s theme was dedicated to prue & jack. we’re starting at rock bottom here. i also love projecting my own idea onto incomplete pieces to fill the gaps. like. like i get how there’s not a lot to love for paige and henry and phoebe and coop but in my lil brain they are all very complex and like fleshed out and i gotta a lotta beliefs. in fact. like. hmm. no i’ve already said i have bad taste like piper/leo are probably gonna sit at the bottom of the list for me just because i cannot craft them how i want bc they’re already solidified in canon. like. idk they’re an adorable couple all that the full nine yards or whatever but like. well for starters they’re not my favorite ship tropes and then on top of that again There’s A Lot Of Canon. and i am a narcissistic diva okay i wanna be able to fill in these gaps. so like. hmm at the top based solely on coupleness and the versions of them that live in my noggin it’s

phoebe/coop bc like hear me out man they’re like the embodiment of love. we’ve been hit over the head so many time how they’re the embodiment of love and like salvation and rebirth and renewal like!! like part of me wishes that we had introduced coop in s5 and given him more skin in the game but also if they fucked up this relationship i would have been so bummed bc it really is. it’s love!! like it is the embodiment of falling in love like phoebe is stone cold right and she’s kind of starting to accept that maybe she just doesn’t get it you know. maybe that’s it. she gets her column and she gets to help people find love and see like piper and leo at peak domesticity and like engage in love, but like, remotely.because it’s not for her. and then here comes this cupid who’s like no i’m gonna find you love which is a cute gesture but like she genuinely doesn’t believe she’s made for love she genuinely doesn’t believe she gets to have love but then you know like. like her eyes get reopened to the world around her yes she engaged with love remotely but she had become so far removed from it that it lost the feeling. she saw it but she saw the individual brushstrokes and then here comes coop and he helps her take a step back and see the painting. and like!!! it’s beautiful. and then of course there’s the added trope of like. falling in love with coop he’s supposed to help you find love and now you know what the hell you’re trying but like. you’re in love with him. but you can’t be but you are. like!! and then on coop’s side you know he’s a cupid he’s been doing this for centuries and his love for humanity is obvious and his love for love is obvious but this is new. and he doesn’t know what it is!! like he knows love obviously but he’s never like you know fallen in love. and he can’t recognize it because he thinks it’s impossible but the next think you know he’s got all those lovesick symptoms he sees in the couples he puts together and oh my god he’s in love with phoebe. and then of course both believe the other won’t reciprocate bc it’s out of the realm of possibility. but then the other does reciprocate!! they also just like. i mean all three couple do but like phoebe and coop maybe the most. seem like the type of people who just kinda get lost in watching their partner work. like when phoebe is having trouble with a letter for her column she like paces and mutters the letter out loud to herself like she’s the one asking it and like bareface in pajamas like a crazy person is just repeating the same thing over and over again and coop’s just fucking in love with her like look at her!! and vice versa i don’t think coop has really spent that much time being human i think he takes absolute delight in small things phoebe has just forgotten about but to see coop’s face light up like at so flea market or something finding something that was undeniably crafted with love like he can feel it imbued in the item and his face just lights up and he wants to tell everyone how like it’s love!! love!! it’s all around us it’s in here can’t you feel it and phoebe just looks at him and remembers how pure love itself is and just how happy she is that you know. this is her life. and she gets to fall asleep and wake up next to this man like hello?? hello??!???! and then i’m gonna go 

paige/henry bc like i feel like they’re criminally underrated again bc we spedrun what should have been a slowburn but they gave me the legos and i will built the death star like. like these are two people who struggle with family and identity so much who have learned against their nature to lean into and grow with one another. like what we see of paige is a woman who loves her independence and loves her freedom and yesh has a complex relationship with family bc she was given up at birth but it didn’t matter because she found a loving family so who needs the ones who gave her up not her but she couldn’t help but wonder but she didn’t care she had her family. until she didn’t. until she was seventeen alone and scared and what are you supposed to do with that?? and let’s not even get started on the fact she only gains her new family through death as well. like. there’s so much there there are so many reasons to stay guarded and fearful and just overall pessimistic about the concept of family especially as something built to last. and then henry!!! who never knew his birth parents and on top of that never got a home like paige paige got a home she got a family who loved her hell she actually got two henry never had that henry always had nothing and like he kinda grew up in that shell said he didn’t want to leave when people started getting close he had to push them away bc he didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t alone and paige is like hey hi?? you wanna be alone so bad be alone but i actually fucking like you and i know you like me too so don’t just push me out because that’s what makes you feel "comfortable” when you know you’re miserable in your comfort. and she’s right but it’s still a hurdle for henry and it’s this push and pull of the tides where bit by bit they kind of have to learn that it’s lonely up on the pedestal of independence and it can actually be nice to be vulnerable with somebody yes it’s fucking terrifying to just like show yourself to someone honestly because like!! they can turn away what if they turn away but to experience the rewards of love we must first subject ourselves to the morifying ordeal of being known. and it’s a painful process for both of them but the fruits of those labors man it’s well fucking worth it and it’s a relationship especially on henry’s side that is plagued with external insecurities other people telling him that he is not cut from the right cloth to be with paige but like. it’s like he’s already torn down his walls to be with her and she’s done the same and he realizes he loves her like He Loves Her like. like!! who gives a fuck what anyone else says he loves paige. and then paige reciprocates omg!!! haha fuck yeah. and then like i also think henry’s just super fuckin corny levels of domestic like makes french toast every sunday and fingerpaints with his kids and is in the dad’s club at the elementary school and just does all the things that he fuckin prayed for as a child  just a constant stable feeling of home of love and like. like!!!! i’m gonna bite someone like. paige&henry man.

piper/leo though as previously established is like Thee charmed couple you know they are there all eight seasons they get points for that but obviously from reading my first two ones i kinda just fill in a lot of gaps there which i am able to do bc each couple probably checks in at 150min of screentime total. piper and leo don’t get that so like i don’t get to do that. and like. the origins of them i just don’t quite get you know which was really just cause it was such a new show and this was a new lil relationship they weren’t sure what they were gonna do with it and then again like issues with canon and the whole whitelighter thing but what i would have loved to see more in the early stages is just like why. like obviously they both found the other cute but we never really got the Moments bc it was all so preferrial and then next thing you know leo’s dying in the attic and piper loves him like i would have loved the in between and a bit more of the internal monologue the jump then fall especially on leo’s part which is like canon’s fault but like. you know like why if he was a whitelighter and knew the rules blah blah blah and it was because the writers didn’t know but like. still you know. and then s2 was bogged down my dan and i just really didn’t care for it that much because like. idk i didn’t love a lot of leo’s vibes early s2 were he was trying to keep it strictly professional and just ended up coming across as weirdly bitter and possessive however i Loved him bonding with dan in pardon my past that was a nice touch. of course later seasons pleo really makes up for the lackluster of the early seasons bc they are just so domestic like they know each others strengths so well and leo loves piper’s cooking and they’re corny n cute and they have their little moment and i do mostly like their relationship therapy bits i like that that was incorporated bc like. it happens man it’s not something to keep taboo it happens. but i do feel like that shit was often resolved too quick and then the same shit dredged up ten minutes later like some one trick pony. i also love how ride or die they are points for that. leo’s like i killed an elder and piper’s like alright. they’re really in it through thick n thin n i respect that

[daincrediblegg]

Can you please feed us some GORGEOUS Gen x Arthur hc's ????? Because we love you and we love Arthur and we stan our OTP. Please and thanks xp [I got'chu, boo

Genevieve x Arthur Fleck Headcanons

lmao LMAO LMAO ok so... idk what this is??? this is just how we are irl. ain’t no real scenario around it, but it still serves as a basic breakdown of our relationship as it’s unfolded the last 7 months or so. Thank you for giving me a platform to share this lmao. Sorry if it’s cringey and personal as hell, but hey, that’s life, and y’all know I don’t give a fuck by now.

We met in October. I’d snuck into a showing of Joker with my dad after the premier of Zombieland 2, and watched his story unfold. I couldn’t get him out of my head the whole night. I saw him again a little less than a week later, and I’d realized I’d wanted more. We’d agreed to meet for coffee the next day.

The next couple of weeks was just pure fascination with each other. I poured my heart into learning everything about him, and he seemed so genuinely interested in learning all he could about me too. 

Even though I was going through what’s easily been one of the most harrowing mental health crises that I’ve ever experienced… he fell quick for me, and hard. And I did too. He… he made me feel like I wasn’t alone. We were leading very similar lives (minus, y’know, murder- on my end), and knowing that he felt my pain when it seemed like not a whole lot of people really did… it made me feel seen. And it didn’t take long for things to get really heated. We’ve been together ever since.

He’s the one that got me to start taking my medication. I’d never been on antidepressants, and I was a little scared of the side-affects since the only other ones I’d tried made me dizzy and out of breath (and I’m a massive hypochondriac on top of all the other shit I’ve got going on in my head). But he convinced me that I was worth living for, and that was the little push I needed. I knew I wanted to get better, but he’d convinced me that I could. 

I drew him a lot those first few months we were together. His physicality still entrances me to this day. His elegance, yet this almost distinctly cartoonish poise and his innocence… he inspired me a lot. More than I had been in months. He’s shy about being the subject of a lot of my drawings… but he lets me anyway because he’s amazed at how it shows how I see him (which is fucking beautiful, like a disney prince thank you very much). 

We spent a lot of those first few months just lying in bed after a long day of writing and drawing, holding each other close and talking. About everything. It all felt so freeing to me that I could say just about anything to him and have him actually listen without judgement. And sure, he has his opinions, but he doesn’t dismiss mine.  

We did so much together too. We used to go to movies (not just his lmao), we got hot chocolates together and walked around town during christmas time.

For Christmas he gave me a beautiful necklace- a pretty blue/green pendant on a gold chain (that y’all might’ve seen in some of my selfies- and I wear it DAILY) and a silver bracelet with little red roses and garnets on it. They’re some of the best presents I’ve ever gotten. 

I gave him a scarf (that I’d worn out to work for weeks so that it’d smell like me at his request) and some chocolate.

I was also dealing with quite a few health problems those first few months, so he’s well versed in all my medical bullshit lmao.

I’ve got a weird bladder that just constantly feels infected (even though it’s actually not most of the time), which means that we can’t have penetrative sex sometimes (but we’re just as happy to touch each other in different ways even when I can’t stand to go all the way).

I was still having some panic attacks when I was on a higher dosage of my medication, and he’s very good at bringing me down from them. He holds me close and tells me to breathe slowly and deeply with him until I calm down and start to feel okay- even when I get super fidget-y from it. I can’t begin to thank him enough for helping me through it all as he has.

We don’t argue much. We see eye-to-eye where it counts, so we hardly ever get into moral disputes. But when we do it’s usually when I’m in a depressive rut and I’ve gone distant. He’s never raised his voice at me when it happens, but some heated conversations have spawned from it. And I’ll admit I’m not the most eloquent with these things sometimes. And I’ve said things that I didn’t mean to hurt him but just to say with honesty. He knows I have doubts sometimes. He does too, but we’ve been able to work through them well enough-better than most I imagine.

We uh… we have a lot of sex. No surprise.

We’re virgins (well, technically. At least with the opposite sex). We’re horny. We’ve got high sex drives and we’re not afraid to take it out on each other.

I’ve had a lot of body anxiety in the past, but with Arthur it feels even more non-existent than it’s ever been. He really loves my body. Not in a fetish-y way like a lot of guys have hinted at in the past. When I’m with him I really feel like his desire for me comes from love, that my body isn’t just a thing to get him off, but rather that he desires me for who and what I am, and I haven’t really ever felt that even with any of the other FICTIONAL guys I’ve been with before.

And he knows that I love him just the same. Body and soul. It’s a total two-way street. And we never feel the need to change for each other one bit. For that I’m so grateful god I could fucking cry.

And it’s made me do a lot of things that I kinda didn’t want or thought were inaccessible to me before I met him. I fucking wear lacy bras and matching panties (for the first time in my life!!!) on the reg because Arthur said that I deserved to have them if I wanted them (not to mention that I look beautiful in them to him), and now I’m coming around to the idea of putting on a little makeup ‘cause it makes me feel really pretty and Arthur agrees???? Like this MAN has really made me flourish for the better tbh I love him so fucking much. 

Before the pandemic he used to meet me at my regular haunt to watch me work after his gig for the day. He’d sit across from me and watch me fumble around with all my outlines and notes, sometimes taking out his own journal himself while he steals some of my coffee, taking my hand and running a thumb over it idly.

He really enjoys my screenwriting. My writing is very exciting, he says. He’s really supportive of my career choice, even though it’s still a long ways off from being anything tangible or serious. And he’s very supportive of the things I’ve written about him too. He doesn’t mind as long as some things get to stay just between us (and by and large he says I’ve done a pretty good job of that lmao). 

I sing for him a lot. We dance together too. I’ve always been a singer for as long as I can remember but being so depressed so long I didn’t really as much as I’d have liked. But for him I sing just about every day. Lotta swing-jazz numbers like from Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby and Caro Emerald. Some classic rock like Elton John and Billy Joel and Jethro Tull. He says he likes the way I sing their songs the best. Idk if I agree with him, but I believe him. 

He says we’re a dynamic duo in a way. Like since he dances and I sing, we’re a complete show. It’s the cutest fucking shit he’s ever said to me 

We kind of agreed to get married once the lockdown’s over. Neither of us really proposed to the other, exactly. We had been thinking about it for months (we’ve been talking about it since Christmas lmao- he’s said he wants to marry me so many times), but the first few weeks of this lockdown thing were really hard on me. It all felt very harrowing with everything changing all at once. 

And it was really touch-and-go for us. It was harder for me to feel him. And sure it had been hard before but it was… not quite as bad as this was. I almost thought we were done. 

But he stuck around, and helped me through it as much as he could despite how numb I was feeling. And he was still there when the dust settled, even stronger than before. So I told him one morning that I wanted to get married when all of this was over, and he agreed. 

So once the shelter in place order is lifted, we’re gonna go to the same jewlery shop he got me my favorite necklace, and pick out some rings. I for one am very excited.

And until then we’re perfectly content to enjoy this break from our normal everyday lives with each other. Even though it’s been harder for me to write we’re pulling through this whole thing just fine. 

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[redeemed-wren]

Agent’s of SHIELD season 6 thoughts.

Spoilers under the cut. 

Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel at the moment. It was a wild ride, that’s for sure! I guess I’ll start with what I didn’t like hugely 

The pacing felt a little off? I dunno, maybe it was a bit of a rush at the end, we didn’t really get to finish Sarge’s storyline. Everything was speeding into the season 7 set up a little quickly? It felt forced and rushed, but I did enjoy it. 

I’m not sure how I feel about LMD Coulson. Because... it’s not Coulson. And like... why bother killing him in the first place if they’re just going to bring him back again and again? I kinda feel like I would prefer it if he just stayed dead? I dunno, I’m just gonna spend the whole of the next season being sad because it looks like Coulson but it’s not. 

Maybe nitpicking here, but that grenade Fitzsimmons were holding took a long time to go off? Idk if it’s just me being ignorant, but I swear grenades go off much faster than that! 

And maybe another small thing, but still no infinity war tie in. I spent the whole season half expecting people to turn to dust at the end of the finale, but they neatly managed to avoid that. 

Right, that’s basically all the bad stuff out of the way, let’s get into what I loved! 

Sarge - honestly his whole storyline was great! I loved how he was created by the monoliths, I loved everyone coming to terms with him not being Coulson. the angst. That bit in one of the last two episodes where he made a joke and Daisy and May just looked at each other and I was like “COULSON.” That bit also reminded me of how freaking good Clark Gregg is at acting. Sarge and Coulson are so different. 

The Ftizsimmons relationship was fantastic as always. Their episode with just the two of them was honestly one of my favourite in the whole season. And flippin’ heck they’re separated again. I do not know why I’m surprised - honestly, I’m not. I was expecting one of the two to have been dusted. And since he’s a Fitzsimmons, I’ll mention Deke here because I love him and he is amazing and his rant about how he didn’t fit in anywhere and no one liked him gave me emotions I love him. 

Snowflake - I have to have special mention of her because I loved her and I loved her all the more because she’s a Kiwi! also im slightly ashamed that it took me a full like two episodes to realised her accent was New Zealand and not Australian I am not used to hearing my country’s accent in US tv Anyway, Snowflake is great and I’m kinda sad we didn’t see anymore of her beyond the party. And Jocko was honestly amazing - he’s a likeable guy. 

Piper and Davis were amazing - I’m glad that they were both given bigger parts to play. And I’m still mad that Davis died. He survived so much - I think he’s been in it since season freaking one. And now he’s dead. And speaking of Piper and Davis, what happened to Piper and Flint after they left in the quinjet? Where’d they go? Is Flint still around? 

AGENT FREAKING MELINDA MAY TAKING A SWORD TO THE CHEST AND THINKING NOTHING OF IT AND THEN KICKING IZEL’S ASS HECK YESS THAT IS MY QUEEN. And then Daisy having to watch her mother die after the whole thing with Sarge/losing Coulson

Now, once I realised that we were in the past, I was like ‘huh cool.’ Then, when Jemma mentioned an ‘expert in SHIELD history’ my first though was PEGGY CARTER. They’re in like the 40s now, right? Okay quick google search says that Empire State Building was finished in ‘31, so maybe sometime around then? But still... Time travel is involved. I really want to see Peggy and Jarvis. Now I need to go and actually watch Agent Carter. 

ALSO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT WAS IN THE LETTER COULSON WROTE TO DAISY. I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE IN THE FINALE AND MAKE ME CRY BUT IT DIDN’T. IS IT GOING TO BE IN THE FINAL FINAL EPISODE?? I WILL CRY IN THAT CASE

Alright. I think I’ve said way too much already, adn I really doubt anyone is going to read this, but I needed to write out some stuff. Twas an over all good season. My favourite episode would have to be episode 10 - the one where Izel takes over and Davis gets killed :( But the one with high Daisy and Jemma and the Fitzsimmons episode were also pretty good! 

One more season to go. I need to watch Agent Carter and then do a binge watch of all 6 seasons before that!

IF LEOPOLD FITZ AND JEMMA SIMMONS DO NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING BY THE TIME THIS SHOW IS FINISHED I AM GOING TO RIOT. 

Let them settle in Scotland and raise a whole lotta kids and Deke can be Uncle Deke even tho he’s actually their nephew. 

[blazinbran]

tagged by @leisuref0rce !!! tyvm dude im Honored :D

are you named after someone?: yeah :U my dads middle name is Brian and hes got a few pretty cool old relatives named richard which is my middle name. i think theyre both kind of lame names which is why i rlly like being called bran and like hey. i can say that dick is my middle name, so ive got that goin for me

last time i cried?: idk lmao im still not rlly good at letting emotions out :U im in kinda a Funk rn so hopefully ill have a good one soon so i can just move on w life kfhdja

do i use sarcasm?: recently ive realized that im for some reason kinda bad at detecting sarcasm? i used to use it a lot but when i started working people would think i was just being serious and i guess. kinda dumb or smth. and the awkwardness of seeing people just kinda say 'ok' without bothering to correct me made me stop :c

first thing i notice abt a person?: their sense of humor! i love to make people laugh so id like to think that i tune into that p quick c:

what’s your eye color?: brown :0

scary movie or happy endings?: happy endings for sure. stuff Not Workin Out gives me nerves hfksbdvz

special talent?: i played french horn for 8 years in school so i can lip buzz into my hand as though its a mouthpiece and it sounds like a kazoo! always fun for me, but it gets old real quick for most people.

birthplace?: A relatively small city in Northern Michigan. lotta cherry farms around here. im no country bumpkin but cant call myself a city slicker, either

hobbies?: i havent been interested in much lately hxksbd but id go with reading, journaling, and doin those weird abstract doodles of mine which are usually pretty relaxing and almost meditative :O

pets?: ive got two cats!! Michael is pretty snippy towards people because of his former home but he snuggles w me a lot :'> and Mr. Gatsby is a Leetol Bastard who will nap with you and then wake u up by dragging a single claw near ur eyes/nose/lips. i love them both SO MUCH i can and have spent hours laying around on the floor with them

do/have u played any sports?: i did Tae Kawn Do from when i was 5 until abt a year ago! im a 3rd degree black belt c: i tried running track and playing basketball in middleschool but ive bever been competetive and i didnt enjoy it gfksvd.

bonus fact: i was on a soccer team when i was 5 and i dont remember this but, according to my dad, he once watched me start chatting w a boy on the other team during a game. Every so often, the throng of kids chasing the ball ran past us and we both just sorta. watched em go by. and then resumed chatting

height: im 6' 4" and all my coworkers Love that im so tall but i have to duck through parts of the kitchen and the doorway. i guarantee my back is gonna be totally screwed in 30 or 40 years

fave subject in school?: english! i got the english department honor cord when i graduated and thats just about the only notable high school accomplishment i can think of. whats that post ant gay culture is being the teacher's favorite despite having the worst grade in the class? that was me but id do rlly well on tests and it would even out.

dream job?: idk ive always struggled w this question. maybe some sorta artist, maybe some sorta person who helps people. ive never once thought of something and said to myself 'yeah thatd be nice to do for my whole life'

ok @leisuref0rce thank u again VERY MUCH for tagging me!! Im gonna tag @snowy-taru-attack @sightlyhound @gaynihilist and @selachiihook just to keep the list short n simple! and if anyone else kinda wants to do this im beggin u to just go for it (and maybe tag me if you wanna :D)!!