#this show has been in my life for like... 6 years
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"I don't care about the rest of your lack of comprehension in the medium but don't disrespect DEKU!"
What lack of comprehension ( I spent my time debunking the pile of crap you're writing in my mentions, you haven't wrote a single relevant argument so far.
As for Deku, I don't see why I should respect this fictional character. He's plain as hell, people constantly glaze him for his amazing traits when his showings struggle to keep up, he has no interesting flaws to nuance him as a character and is just a mouthpiece for the shitty themes of this manga, his character arc mostly consists in him learning to use his powers (how fascinating really...) and he utterly failed his main goal at the end out of sheer incompetence.
"wtf!! be mad cus your favourite villain died!!! but don't you dare accuse Deku of being lazy!"
Why ? Because you don't have any solid counter-argument to refute the fact that he stayed on his ass for 8 years without training to keep being a hero ? And that he needed Bakugo to offer him an easy solution on a plate to do something ?
Or is it because you're salty that Deku is indeed so incompetent at being a hero that he didn't even bother thinking about a plan to save Tomura when it was his main goal, and this despite having weeks ahead to think about it ?
Either way, cope harder pal.
"Lazy my foot bro. Bye bro. You spitting nothing actually."
First time someone trash one of your favs ? Don't worry it will be okay, just take a seat and some deep breaths.
"All the long paragraphs just took proof you lack of respect to the author"
Indeed I don't respect Horikoshi as a writer... And so ?
"and the rest of it just to prove you're just a person who spewing nothing."
He said after failing to prove me wrong even once.
"After losing One For All in the My Hero Academia storyline, Deku faces significant challenges."
Source : Trust me bro
"His journey without his quirk is explored in the series, particularly highlighting his determination and ingenuity in adapting to his new circumstances."
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6856190d20c3a6bd27acd706888f1086/125c2b838a1afdf3-37/s540x810/b7d1db6714b854df93812d736905005be16db93f.jpg)
What "new circumstances" are you even babbling about, he literally came back to what he was at the start of the story and even said it isn't anything new for him to be quirkless again.
"They demonstrate that strategy, training, and personal growth are crucial. However, Deku's case is unique because his identity and journey have been so closely tied to One For All"
And in practice, how does being a former OFA user could stop Deku to work out to become a fighter like Shinso, Knuckleduster or Nighteye ? Go ahead, I'm curious.
"which fundamentally shifts his path when he loses it."
Lmao seriously ? That's the best you came up with to hide the fact that Deku never even tried to work out to still be a hero ?
Cause without the bs, you're basically saying : B-B-But it must have been really hard for him to lose a power he only had for not even 1/6 of his life, that's why he couldn't learn martial arts for some reason :'(
What a solid argument, I can't argue with that indeed.
"None of them loses quirk and they're birth with the quirk."
And so ? Besides you know that Knuckleduster also used to have a quirk before AFO stole it from him ? Well guess what : It didn't stop him from learning how to fight and being a quirkless vigilante so nope, you're just looking for excuses.
"Deku also train as crazy as them."
To learn how to use his quirks, not to compensate being a regular human like Stein or Nighteye does.
"Wtf bro, use your brain."
Funny you talk about brain, I was precisely about to ask you if you're having a stroke right now ? Because I can't decently believe anyone could write so much shit in a row without suffering from brain damage.
"Deku's struggle post-losing his quirk can be interpreted more as a narrative choice by the author"
Even if it was the case, that doesn't make Deku any less of a lazy ass bum. He lost OFA during the ellipse and immediately gave up on being a hero, until Bakugo came up with a solution Deku wouldn't have waited for if he was nearly as resilient and well-written as you think he is.
"Kohei Horikoshi, to explore themes of identity, resilience, and the essence of what makes a hero"
No argument here either, just random bs to hide the fact that you don't know how to refute my point.
"It's true that Deku relies on technology, but this can also be viewed as a form of adaptation and teamwork, core values in the manga. Didn't Tony Stark relied on his tech as well? What makes a hero? A quirk. No. A sense to help another person, to protect."
Lmao don't even try. Tony doesn't just sit on his ass and stop being a hero when he doesn't have his armor around him, whether in the comics or the movies (Iron-Man 3 is literally about that). It's even one of his most famous quotes in the MCU : "If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it"
Well Deku at the end is nothing without his suit/OFA. It's not an opinion, it's not arguable. It's factual. He doesn't just rely on technology, he's entirely dependent of it. Without his suit, he just stand there without doing anything for years while looking passively at his friends living his dream.
"The eight-year time skip where Deku waits for technology to compensate for his lack of a quirk might be critiqued as a plot device to advance other stories or to give Deku a new form of heroism."
Except he does exactly the same thing as before but with an high-tech suit. If Deku really intended to seek for a new form of heroism, he would have declined the suit so no, "he seeks a new form of heroism" my ass.
"It's not necessarily about laziness but about finding a new way to be a hero when the conventional methods are no longer available to him."
Which is outright false as evidenced in my precedent point, just above.
"This development allows for exploration of his character beyond his physical abilities."
Is this development with us in the room ?
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"Deku's growth in different aspects, like leadership"
He never showed at any point leadership skills, only teamwork at best but m'kay.
"strategy, and inspiration, rather than just physical prowess."
Inspiration isn't a hero skill. As for strategy, he didn't have any growth in this aspect either since again, he totally gave up being a hero for 8 years straight.
"In summary, while your addled and rude aspect of critique might view Deku's reliance on external help as a sign of laziness, it can also be seen as part of his character development arc"
On one side actual facts, on the other side your headcanons. Damn, I wonder which one carries more weight ?
"showcasing his adaptability, the importance of teamwork, and the broader message that heroism transcends physical power."
Watch out, you still have some bit left at the corner of your mouth.
"The series uses this plot to explore different facets of heroism, which is a central theme in mha."
The story didn't explore crap. Again at the moment Deku lost his quirk, he just stop doing shit for almost a decade despite having options to still be a hero. All the meatriding and headcanons in the world won't change the fact that Deku is fucking lazy and didn't grow up since Chapter 1 where here again, he never even tried to work out to compensate being quirkless and improve his chances to be admitted at UA.
"I'm done with MHA fans that only read and crop panel for their benefits and play the narrative to fit their imagination."
"Don't you never actually comprehend the material in your hands?"
Try at least to score one relevant argument before saying remarks like that, it's hard to take you seriously otherwise.
Well that was shit. Now sorry but if your next reply is as idiotic and dishonest as the previous ones, I will likely just block you. Given how low you set the bar, I won't waste more time and energy refuting your delusions.
You know, I think this ending would have been slightly less of a fucking disappointment if the heroes hadn't been so unfairly favored by Horikoshi compared to the villains. I mean, seriously
Deku destroys every bone in his body multiple times throughout the story and is warned that if he continues, he'll permanently lose the use of his limbs ? Everything's fine, his body's just got used to being reduced to a bloody pulp somehow so there's no consequences for him. In fact even when he literally loses his arms to Shigaraki, he gets them back two minutes later thanks to Eri because guess what ? Her horn still works even when cut off from her body. How convenient.
Gran Torino gets his ribcage obliterated by Shigaraki ? Don't worry guys, he'll survive that despite his old age and injuries, and this to have no particular role in the plot afterwards.
Bakugo dies heroically trying to buy time before Deku arrives ? Lmao, did you really believe it ?? No of course not, Edgeshot just uses his last-minute Deus Ex Machina to save his life at the cost of his own and- Oops nope he's fine too, my bad !
Hawks murders a criminal fleeing for his life in cold-blood ? The best Hori has to offer is him completely free and in charge of the HSPC.
And no, losing his quirk isn't a real consequence for him because not only it literally played a major part in saving the world with Vestige!Hawks raising an insurrection among AFO's quirks, but also because his quirk has always been the element through which people exploited him.
Endeavor abused his family for years and completely destroyed his eldest son ? No jail time and no media backlash for that, the only blame he received was due to the heroes' failure to stop the League during the Raid Arc.
And don't even get me started on this bs about facing hell or whatever for what he's done : He's literally free and wealthy ; he has Rei, Fuyumi, Shoto, his sidekicks and Hawks on his side ; and all the difficulties he's apparently going to suffer are off-screened.
Deku had to sacrifice OFA and his future hero career to save the world ? Guess what, Bakugo invested all his time and money to make him an Iron-Man suit and now he can still be a hero with everyone else.
There are plenty more examples of this but I think you get the idea. Now let's take a look at the villains' ending :
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Toya is now a piece of charcoal kept artificially alive for the few years he has left, unable to move a finger, and whose few minutes a day during which he can stay awake will be spent talking to his father who abused him as a child.
Toga, a literal teenager, killed herself to save Ochako and because she knew it's still better than rotting at Tartarus her whole life.
And not only did she die but she did by bleding to death. Let me repeat for those who have trouble grasping what I've just said : In a manga where the heroes can survive having their heart blown to bits, being impaled Kakyoin-style or smashed against buildings like a fly on a windshield, one of the main antagonists died of a fucking hemorrhage…
As for Shigaraki, after learning that his very birth and all the tragedies of his life have been orchestrated by AFO, after all this development and narrative promises about him being saved in the end... Deku just kills him.
Because despite all his speeches about saving him, it seems like the best our MC could do was beating him both physically and mentally until he crumbles to dust…
Compress on his side is apparently locked up for life and kept alive by machines too.
A begging Kurogiri tried in a desperate attempt to save Shigaraki, only to be unceremoniously blown up by Bakugo and dying off-screen without anyone giving a shit, including Aizawa and Mic.
And Spinner will now spend the rest of his life struggling with the extra quirks inside him that affect his body and mind, while having to cope with the thought that his boyfriend best friend and companions have either died alone or are locked away for life in horrifying circumstances.
Clearly not the same as with the heroes...
Now don't get me wrong, even if they suffered just as much from the consequences of their actions or the plot as the League, this ending would still be a disaster in terms of writing but AT LEAST it wouldn't reek that much of hypocrisy.
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I first joined the IWTV fandom 3 years after my father has passed away from a cancer that stole him away in 6 months, close to 7 months of fighting. He fought to stay with us. He fought because he didn't want to leave. He fought because he loved us more than he wanted to let go despite suffering so much.
After he passed away, I found myself reading and watching everything having to do with death. I had rewatched the entire series of Six Feet Under, Dead like Me and a few more shows about death. I had rewatched Buffy. I needed to connect to death. I needed to see grief and loss.
Then IWTV magically appeared before my eyes one day when I logged into my barely used Tumblr account. I was intrigued and excited. I had forgotten a new adaption was being made and I managed to get into the show by the time episode 3 of season 1 had aired. I watched and devoured every second and fell (fatally hehe) in love with this adaption and the characters and the way they showed death and grief. I was able to connect. It helped me along with my healing journey.
Once I began to write one of my fanfictions, Suckerpunch, I wrote out grief and loss and what it was like to live life while losing someone you loved. What it was like to miss them but continue to live every single day. How some days were normal and then others the grief would hit so hard you could barely breathe. How grief isn't linear. How the loss of those you love never truly leaves. You simply learn to live without them.
Writing was a large part of my healing. Writing Suckerpunch specifically helped me so much and I have talked about it before but it makes me feel like I did something good when others will read it and tell me they were moved or it helped them or anything similar to that. At least, for one moment in time, I did something, wrote something that could matter even if it was an alternate universe all human fic about the vampires Lestat and Louis.
But being in the IWTV fandom helped more. Meeting people I connected with helped. I was able to really find some beautiful souls and I was even able to meet them in person and go on vacation with some of them. So many beautiful memories. So much laughter. So many minutes lived.
And even on that trip, I took my father with me. I felt him in every step I took. I wished I could show him all the things I saw. I was there in father's day and I wished he were there for me to simply embrace and say I love you.
And it's why right now, six years after losing him, I sit here and I wonder what it would have been like had I not found this fandom and community. I do believe I'd have been so much lonlier. I do know for sure id have never returned to writing after such a long hiatus. I believe I wouldn't be this deep into my journey of understanding death and what it is like to grieve if it wasn't for IWTV and for The Vampire Chronicles as well.
Do you know what it means to be loved by death is a question asked and yes, I do know, and as painful as it is, it is the most beautiful sort of love as well because it goes on forever and never leaves. It is endless. It is eternal.
I love you, Papa.
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something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
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can i say something
#in MY experience#naruto fandom is the worst at comprehending the existence of women#it goes in one ear and out the other . and yet so scared of being gay LMFAO#aot is the worst understanding the characters in front of them and also the most easily impressed by plot twists#and i like aot! i served my time in the aot community trust me. and i like the story as much as the next person#but my god.#jjk is the worst at maintaining any semblance of media literacy and retaining characters’ essence#but that’s not to the fault of jjk/gege it’s really the fault of ****** ****** but isn’t everything#mha is has got the worst power-scaling bros i’ve ever seen in my life#and the worst consumers of fanfic/art and also the most demanding#and that’s not Unique to them that’s been a rising trend across fandom in general for the past 5-6 years#but idk man in the three or four months i’ve been posting and reading for mha#the comments and asks i see on/about other fics are so aggressive and demanding 😭#and i’ve known that but it’s different when you’re Engaging with it#scary stuff#also idk why people who don’t contribute to fan content write such loud and wrong think pieces about it#and the show and complain like omfg.#also mha as a show and manga explains everything. outright. at least twice in some cases#every move every development every backstory every lore every relationship so idk why ppl who don’t contribute#to fandom content are STILL so loud and wrong about it. and MEAN?#idk at some point it feels like willful ignorance 😭
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/290f3235fce3461e470a34a3575fe4af/08434137e86cb90e-23/s540x810/01199e97e305500c4d08da2cbf8e832bd5bad2c0.jpg)
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And everyone gasped
(no one was surprised, not even a little)
#would you be surprised if i told you this is actually the first time Ashton has been my Top Artist?#I've had Spotify for 6 years and 5sos has never not been No 1! it's the upset of the century !#(it's actually just that they simply didn't have a major release this year lol but still 😌)#also LastFM claims my No 5 song is actually Endless Wave so what is the truth#they also claim Sabrina and Fleetwood Mac should be flipped#so clearly the two services count plays different but still I like the ✨ drama ✨#i know Spotify has stated they alter the rankings for the Top 100 playlist but the Top 5 is supposed to be your actual stats 🤷🏻♀️#anyways#music is fun!#in the 'music evolution' section Spotify said said my February was witchy and Beatlesque#and I must demand to only ever be referred to by those two adjectives thanks#what other fun stats are there#I had just about 2k more minutes this year than last so yay for mental health improvement#(tho still not doing great apparently bc there was only a 4 min diff between this year and 2022 lmao)#believe it or not this is actually Taylor's best showing in my Wrapped (but then again she did release a 31 song album lmaoooo)#like I said Luke was No 7 according to LastFM with Garden Life his top ranked song#tied at No 13 with Wicked Habit by Ash and Midnight Cowboy by Jade#Spotify claims I was in the top 0.05% of Breakup listeners which is a real girl get a grip moment for me ngl#my Top 5sos song was still Caramel lmao#i have been tagging this for like 20 mins i need to leave ok bye#spotify wrapped 2024#personal
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I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....
Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?
#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of-#the school year#anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest#and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird#I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show#s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED#s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time#s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride#s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight#seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE#and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at#just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no-#time has passed at all#I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started-#to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it#what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!)#ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:)#ninjago#phoenix prattles
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For fun I decided to look over all of my internet history that is still available to me to try and create the most accurate timeline of my fandoms over the years and I think this is it! I also included the platforms I was primarily using for each since that's relevant to the fandom activity I was participating in :)
There are more fandoms I have dabbled in and I might be forgetting some but these are the main eras of my fandom experiences I think.
#there was an undertale moment early on#life is strange has never been my main interest#i started around number 5 and it's always been with me on the side since#and the same thing has happened with smosh over the past year#love them but i wouldn't say im actively in the fandom#i didn't include fanfic in the platforms part#i thought i found ao3 around number 6 but it was actually 2!#number 4 was also heavily wattpad oriented#10 was a very random time i was just binge rewatching a bunch of shows with cycling obsessions#something i wasn't sure if i should add in was like my minecraft streamer era??#bc i wasn't in a fandom i was just binging content i never really interacted with anyone or made anything#i don't think consuming content counts as being in a fandom#i would say pluuno is an honourable mention#i was pretty active in her community for a few months in 2021 and it was lovely#i think that's it!#number 5 kind of bled into sims fandom in general but im still lurking there so it doesn't count lmao#would love to see mutuals timelines too if you wanna im v curious where you've all come from too
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I really hate that ever since I got the fucked up news about my eyes I've just been feeling like everyone in my life fucking hates me and doesn't want to be around me. So I'm starting to get a little quieter around other people. I guess they got what they wanted, I finally figured out how to shut the fuck up.
#The only person who seems to care that I'm going blind has been my partner#They are the only one supporting me and showing me empathy right now and show even the slightest amount of care#Even if they're grouchy#I don't count the 6 year old cuz she's 6 and doesn't understand I explained it to her but she seems to be more focused on#Showing how much she loves me in other ways and she's just too cute but yeah#Everyone else is just like 'okay... But you're not blind right now' and it's like... Yeah#I partially am blind it is actively getting worse very quickly actually#More proof that no one took me seriously before about how bad my eyes are#Ive been saying for YEARS that my eyes are going out very fast and it's scary and everyone's just like whelp that's life#Turns out no it's not I just have shit genetics! That gave me six fucking issues that no one takes seriously#I don't want to struggle anymore#Even my therapist isn't taking me seriously anymore I think she stopped caring#I'm so fucking lost
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yknow sometimes i feel like. if fandom was a kindergarten playground i've been spending the past several years just sitting in a corner of the sandbox by myself making my little sand sculptures just for myself to look at and maybe there are other kids who come by to take a peek every once in a while but mostly its just me and my shitty little sand sculptures
and now suddenly i've gotten a lot better at my sand sculptures and the playground is a lot smaller and so there are people who know that im good at making sand sculptures and specifically come by to my corner of the sandbox because they like my sand sculptures and sometimes those people are teachers who walk past and give a thumbs up and tell the other kids to come look and its so. new and cool and exciting but also its so different from anything i've experienced before and im not saying thats bad its just. a lot to get used to. im still not that good at playing with the other kids and i still hate having others be around to watch me make stuff because i've never had that before and i have no idea how to.. do.. a lot of this. but it's okay. i'll learn.
#asto speaks#some thoughts ive been spinning in my head for a while because i would not trade this new community for anything in the world#its just..... im not good at Human Interaction sometimes so i have to figure some stuff out is all#for what its worth a big part of it is also that i have very very few people irl to share art related stuff with#the only people i know irl who know i draw is like... a handful of very close friends who dont.. tend? to be in the same fandoms as me#i mean its also why i love the community a lot because ive gotten more validation for my art in the past few months than the past#what 20 years of my life. 6 years of drawing#but its also like. *creation* has always been something intensely personal for me because ive gotten so used to holding anything i create#incredibly close to my chest. so to speak#which is why i dont post wips. or share a lot of my ideas both because im not much of an ideas person anyway but also like#anything i make has to be neatly wrapped up and packaged before i show it to anyone. idk#im an amoeba and anything i create is just a part of my cytoplasm until im absolutely 100% ready to wrap it up in a vacuole and export it#until then i aint showing you shit. im not giving other people access to my cytoplasm thats my whole ass innards right there
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I keep being annoying I know but it is so so soooooo amazing to have 90% good or decent days instead of 70% bad and 30% manageable days
I can't stop talking about it bc ive never known anything else. Of course I struggle to even take care of myself when my mind has been telling me to off myself or hurt myself or just bad shit about me
Who has energy to do anything when someone you can't get rid of keeps screaming at you you're worthless?
And now... I still have bad self image ofc, I still have my asd/add and the difficulties tied to that... But. My mind is in a different place. I can focus of the things I appreciate. I see the world so... Differently. The world hasn't changed but my eyes and views on it has
#miranda talking shit#Im scared to ask people if ive changed bc it sounds scary but also im like.... I have#In the sense i can be more of my positive self. Ive always had this side... But havent had the mental energy to have it out#I cabt express this sentiment enough im sorry for spamming about it but like....#My world has been.... So bad since i was a child . Reading my diary back made me start seeing#Child me mentioning ... Wanting to die. Wishing i was dead by the age of 9-10....#And i had active bad bullying by my brothers at home til i was 6-7... The years between was me being#Constantly anxious and scared they'd go back to hurting me and then the damaged started to show?#So im not excatly exaggerating when i say i have been deppressed almost all my life. That has been my normal#I havent felt much other than fear despair self loathing etc etc so#And having been trying all sorts of antidepressants and anxiety meds since i was 15....?#Ive tried more than 10. Best effects ive had is i feel kinda numb or.... Indiffrent. Like stable but not GOOD#I had accepted that was the best i could get. There was no amazing medication for me that would work great#And then im here and it's like.... Im not numb i am still emotional as hell but its more good now#Im still me but mkre of the version of me thats good...?
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y'all ever just watch someone self-sabotage themselves to the point where it's hard to watch
#there's this girl on my dance team that i've known for literally years - 6-7 years i think#and dont get me wrong shes sweet and super energetic and bubbly (fr the exact opposite of me lol) but i would def say that our friendship#grew over the years and because of our shared love of dance#but this past year she had to basically move out of her home (abusive mom i think) leaving her little brother and dog behind#which was really hard for her#so that plus having to be a choreographer and event planner and co captain was super hard on her.#she basically dropped the ball on all of her responsibilities to the point where we needed to elect another captain to replace her. it was#messy fr fr.#and rough on the whole team. i know that she loves the team and worked so hard for what we have now so i truly believe that she was slippin#because of her personal life. but its gotten to the point where its increasingly difficult to defend her actions now.#she's made really poor decisions and judgements that caused her to lose two friends she made on the team#her choreography is lacking too - tbh it always has been honestly but its so glaringly obvious#she has always been a little scatterbrained and unorganized at times but this is fr so much worse this year#she'll teach one thing and it'll be completely different in 5 mins. i mean i do this sometimes too but usually someone points it out so i#fix it. but she's so disorganized that the dancers feel bad for even bringing anything up#plus the choreography is honestly? cheesy and embarassing.#and i get that it's supposed to be a little campy but this is like. alot.#and the dancers are clearly not motivated to do the choreography and it shows on their faces when i watch. it's so tough for me to witness#because she is my friend but my god is she fucking up#like i wanna shake her like I GET THAT THEY DON'T LIKE YOU AND ARE BIASED TO POINT OUT YOUR FLAWS BUT STOP GIVING THEM SO MUCH AMMO#MY GOD. PLEASE HAVE SOME SELF AWARENESS I'M BEGGING ATP#and i've been trying to defend her and be on her side for the most part#but when i have dancers coming to me with their frustrations its increasingly difficult to defend her#like i get her life is rough rn and i get it i really do. but using that excuse all the time unfortunately isn't going to work with everyon#life moves on with or without you and sometimes you just gotta lock in. plus our season is done in april so realistically you just have to#hold out two more months PLS#it's just tough y'all. i'm being pulled to a million diff sides#e.txt
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was wondering why i was feeling so weird abt aligning w/ my mom over something then remembered i don’t trust that bitch at all lmao!!!
#my mother: u said rock bottom helps ppl. should i help u reach rock bottom? should i kick u out? im thinking maybe kicking u out would help#also my mother: why has our relationship changed so much what’s happened :(#it’s obvs so much more than that but it’s a nice little microcosm isn’t it!#we were watching a dog show last night bc i’m boo boo the fool and don’t learn#and thot maybe we can spend some time together that’s nice! we all love dogs!#and a dog that went blind at 6 or 7 was getting a companion dog#and he just sat there bemoaning the poor state of this dog how horrible how miserable what little life the dog must have#and followed it up with ‘god that’s so horrible. i can’t think of anything worse. i’d have put her down’#and chat. ur never gonna believe this.#i fucking lost it on him#and mom agreed!#so i turn to her like ‘yeah what the fuck!’ but then remembered she’s been on my shit list for years too#v fucked up when you don’t have at least one parent or sibling to turn to like they’re the camera in the office#anyway. today fucking sucked so i’m going to try and get crossfaded on too much alcohol and shitty ass weed
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Pushing aside the fact that I am, quite possibly, a Kendrick fan—disregarding my biases, I think Drake needs to stop. Push Ups was a good diss. Surface level, vapid, but it possessed that mean, petty spirit that carries a diss track all the way. Even bringing up accusations that are, realistically speaking, unlikely still works because a diss is supposed to show just how much you hate a person and how cleverly you can bring it.
Taylor Made was weird. I get that it was a strategy. Drop the main diss first and then drop this one to really prod at Kendrick. Using Pac and Snoop AI voices sucks though. Distilling Kendrick as Taylor's underling also doesn't work because Kendrick only collaborated with her once (twice when they remade Bad Blood) and that's it. Meanwhile Drake is out here always looking for new, up and coming artists to pounce on their trends or cling to established artists. Then it got taken down, because of course it would have been. You used 2Pac's voice. Did you really think his estate, his family, wouldn't do anything?
So he bought Pac's ring and used his voice without permission. More and more we see just how much of a vulture Drake is.
And then Euphoria drops.
Your first diss was met with solid reactions. Your second got taken down. Kendrick drops on a random hot Tuesday, and in a matter of hours surpasses your numbers that took weeks to accumulate. Kendrick did that. Euphoria was also harsh, clever, and sounded so good that people kept replaying it over and over again. Once more, Kendrick schools you.
A few insiders then say that Drake will drop that night. Right after. But he then allegedly gets cold feet. A few hours later from when Drake was supposedly ready to drop but backs out, Kendrick drops 6:16 in LA.
In your previous disses, you begged Kendrick to drop something with quintuple entendres. Euphoria did that. But he took it a step further by naming his second diss 6:16 in LA.
June 16: Father's day. Referencing the fact that Drake has been proven to be a deadbeat father.
June 16, 1971: Tupac's Birthday. Kendrick idolizes him. Drake steals from him.
June 16, 2019: First episode of Euphoria drops. A show Drake is listed as a producer on. A show about underage girls entering a life of sex, substance abuse, and more. Things that Drake has been accused of repeatedly in the past.
June 16, 2011: in June 2, 2011, Kendrick posted on his twitter that there will be a concert at Toronto on 6/16. Allegedly this is where Drake and Kendrick first met.
6:16 AM: The time of release for this track.
6:16: Multiple possible Bible verses, given Kendrick's Christian background.
Other claims felt like reaches though, so I'll stick to that.
The final two lines of 6:16 also reference the Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, and their song "You Are Not Alone". Drake, who has always claimed he is Michael Jackson or at the very least his equal/successor, is now tied to him in a way he does not want. Because we know all of the dirt that came out after MJ's death. We all know what R. Kelly was sent to prison for. And we all know what Drake has been accused of multiple times.
Kendrick also alludes to the fact that you have a leak in your circle, Drake.
So Drake drops Family Matters. A scathing 7 minute song that makes fun of the GKMC van. Saying that Kendrick's daughter isn't his. Saying that his wife cheats on him with security. Saying that he beats his wife.
Now, these are enormous accusations levied. But Kendrick has responded before, years ago, that the DV accusations were false. He has also always been open about his faults. Adultery. Sex addiction. Insecurity. God complex. Kendrick, for better or worse, has always laid out nearly every aspect of his younger life on his songs. This also helped by the fact that in both Euphoria and 6:16, Kendrick says that Drake has spent millions on finding dirt on him but came up with nothing. Again, these accusations can still be proven true and if so, Kendrick needs to be held accountable for them.
But if not? Then Drake just adds another to the pile of "He's a liar and a master manipulator."
Drake also posts a Parody on his Insta that gains little to no attention because 30 minutes after dropping Family Matters and supposedly going on his victory lap, Kendrick drops meet the grahams.
Another thing. 6:16's cover was a glove. That meant nothing to us, the audience. meet the grahams makes it make sense by zooming out of the glove and showing off a shirt and drugs that Drake supposedly uses. Drake has not had any receipts with his accusations against Kendrick. Kendrick puts Drake's supposed prescription, his full name, on a bottle of Ozempic. Kendrick, for now, seems to make good on his threat. OvO, Drake's company, is full of leaks. And they're leaking it straight to Kendrick Lamar.
Nearly 24 hours later, Kendrick drops Not Like Us.
Euphoria was a general character dissection and assassination of Drake: Insecure about his identity as a biracial man. Culture Vulture. Blaccent user. Code switcher. Fake abs. Womanizer. Misogynist. Using black features just to feel black enough. A deadbeat dad that knows nothing of raising a child. And even revokes Drake's ability to use the N-Word (I have no stake in that I am Asian so I will keep my brown mouth shut for that).
6:16 in LA was an ominous threat that slowly reveals that Kendrick has insider information on Drake. That he is ready to leak so much more should Drake continue.
meet the grahams is a brutal open letter to Drake, his parents, and even to Adonis, Drake's son. Saying that Kendrick could be a better mentor to Adonis. Saying that Drake abandoned you and that's not your fault. Don't be like your father—whatever anyone says, for better or worse, you are a black man and don't code switch just to make yourself feel better. He says that Drake failed his mother for what he did to women. Saying that Drake's father is the cause of his gambling issues. Drake is a body shamer. Leaving the mother of his children to rot. And of course, the reveal that Drake has a secret daughter, the same way Pusha T revealed Drake has a son. Adonis.
And of course, now. Not Like Us. Where Kendrick goes all in on one topic that he has alluded to in every diss track before. Drake is a groomer. A pedophile.
I am sick. I should not be tuning into this beef. But my fever can go ahead and end me, I need to know how this ends.
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I was like 11-12 years old when I figured out at a boring-ass church activity that you could put rocks into little plastic spoons and then pelt people who annoyed me with them. I did this for the rest of the activity, and at Sunday dinner the next night was bragging about my victory (cornering the mean kid who picked on my youngest brother and pelting him with rocks). One of my cousins was like “no way, that sounds SO fun! Let’s do that RIGHT NOW!” So we grabbed spoons and went and got pebbles from the back yard and launched them at each other.
The problem was my grandma sold her soul for the world’s most resilient plastic spoons so we could launch those fuckers HARD. I gave out welts like candy on Halloween, and I got them back in kind.
So we resorted to taking cover and giggling until we got whacked, then yelping, then returning fire.
My cousin hid in my grandpa’s little fishing boat. It was a good boat, but simple and honestly underused. We didn’t know the little windows on it, meant to keep the wind out of my grandpa’s face while he drove, were cracking. However, they were definitely cracking. Eventually it became obvious and we realized we had been being dumb.
This was NOT the first time in my life I’d been dumb roughhousing and broken something, and I had developed a reputation in my family as being “suicidally honest” so I was the one to deliver the bad news. My grandpa let out a pretty good chuckle and said it was OK, tousled my hair, and asked my grandma to bring me cake. I am not kidding. I learned later he hated his boat and only bought it for his kids’ sakes, since he thought everyone needed to know how to fish. At the time though I was just bewildered and pleased at my good fortune. FINALLY, at long last, being honest and telling the truth about breaking something expensive was getting me cake. I knew if I kept trying it would eventually serve me, and now so had CAKE. I was pleased as could be.
My dad, on the other hand, was livid. He LOVED that boat. He spent several weeks each summer recovering from breaking ribs in that boat every year for about 7 years prior to this incident. He had great memories and memories that boat. So he told my Grandma NO cake for me AND that I’d be coming by this weekend to fix stuff around the house and pay for the broken window with my babysitting/lawn mowing money.
Obviously I was devastated, but that felt more in-line with the way things normally went when I broke something expensive so I just figured it was OK. My grandpa gave my grandma a look and sadly said “Ok, have her here on Saturday to help me with some yard work.”
That Saturday my dad woke me up at 6:00 sharp and drove me, sleepy and bewildered, to my grandpa’s house. He was mumbling under his breath the whole time but he thought he was teaching me consequences for my actions so he was ultimately OK with it.
We get to my grandpa’s house at 6:15. My grandpa is outside with a ladder hanging Christmas lights. The lawn is freshly mowed, the trees and garden are weeded and well-tended to, the carnations in the front yard look immaculate, and my grandpa has this giddy mischievous look on his face. He tells me he was so excited that I was coming over that he couldn’t sleep, so he did all the yard work himself. He asked me to help him put up Christmas lights and decorate the Christmas tree, which I did, then said that because I was such a good helper I could have some pancakes for breakfast. I was sent home with the slice of cake I had been denied the week before, wrapped to keep it as fresh as possible.
The whole way home my dad looked a little miffed, but told me that he was glad I had been honest and was proud of me for helping grandpa. I know he wanted me to Learn a Lesson™️the cowboy way, like he had as a kid, but didn’t have much room to complain since I’d still been Put To Work.
I think that was a lesson for both of us, although I’m not totally sure what it was supposed to show me. I think it was my grandpa’s way of showing my dad that discipline without tenderness doesn’t count as much. He died last year and I miss him terribly, as does my dad. I hope that my story of victory, drama, punishment, and ultimately a secret second victory is meaningful to someone else out there, but if not it still means a lot to me ❤️
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Every November I draw a meet the artist and I will genuinely make decisions about my appearance based on how I’ll look when I draw myself in November
#I’ve done it every year for I think five years now#I think this’ll be year 6#and like I made sure I buzzed my head early enough in the year that I’ll have my mowhawk back by then#part of why I’m so excited to get my full sleeve done is so I can draw my portrait with the new tattoos#and I love having piercings and getting new piercings but also I love drawing them#u know how excited I am to draw my piercings this year knowing I’ve gotten more and my lobes will probably be up to like a 6 gauge by then#it’s kinda this marker of this is what I look like at this point in my life#and just like shows who I am at that point in time#and I love seeing not just how my style has changed and improved over the years but I look so different too#and this year! I can start including how long I’ve been on T!#ghost rambles#it’s just a really cool timeline thing idk
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