#people actually. literally none of my current friends have been to my house ever. but now there’s a hang out space!

[carsickcrow]

watching community on dvd in my basement while knitting this is what life should be like!

[edenfenixblogs]

I have told the one (1) real friend I have out here that I plan to move home because the antisemitic isolation has gotten so bad.

If I were a pettier person, I wouldn’t tell anyone else until I’m already closed on a house back home. And when they’re like “why are you moving?” I’d say “antisemitic isolation from most social groups.” And when they ask “Why didn’t you say anything?” I’d say, “Because you’re the ones who did the isolation.���

I won’t. Cuz that won’t actually solve anything. It’ll just make people who don’t think they’re antisemitic go “oh? Eden? Yeah that was super weird how she called us all antisemites and then left. She must’ve been a Zionist or something cuz I didn’t even say anything about Palestine to her.”

Like…I know. You didn’t say anything to me. You didn’t ask how I was doing. You certainly didn’t acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, beyond liking one (1) post a few months ago. Most of you muted me on here. Most of you don’t respond to unrelated information or posts in group chats about genuinely nonpolitical topics. None of you are ever “free” to hang out. You don’t support me when I’m sad. Fine, maybe that’s not what you do. That’s ok. My emotions aren’t your responsibility. You don’t offer distraction. You don’t offer an ear. You leave me on read when I see you online.

I see the statistics that seem to say “most people think their friends hate them but they actually really like you!”

But I don’t think this applies to Jews. Especially leftist Jews tbh. But I do wonder if the antisemites who hate their Jewish friends even KNOW that they hate their Jewish friends.

Like, I wonder what they’d say if they were asked “Do you dislike Eden?” Because I think they’d say no. I think they’d say that, maybe, I’m a little much right now. I’m a little too intense. Maybe they’d say they like me a lot but just want this all to die down before we hang out. Or maybe they’d say that they did used to like me but I’ve recently made them uncomfortable.

But that’s not friendship. When someone you care about enough to call a friend is literally an emotional wreck for months, regardless of the reason, and you have not at any point attempted to be there for them in any meaningful way (and I mean, at all. Hanging out once. Calling once. Asking how I’m doing once. Saying “antisemitism is bad” even once. Taking me up on my offer to discuss anything about current events if they have questions. Politely declining my offer to discuss current events because you find it all too stressful. Letting me know that you care about me as a person but the current crisis is too much for you to think about right now, so you’d rather not bring it up. Literally ANY of these actions and a million others that would take you hardly any effort at all.) then you clearly don’t think of me as a friend, actually. You do hate me, actually.

Because what kind of person does that to a friend. What kind of person abandons us like this? It’s like they might as well just say “we like you so much, but like…not when you talk about or experience life as a Jewish person.”

They might as well just say “she’s fine enough to be around. Too bad she’s a Jew.”

Or, maybe, being isolated from people for 5 months is really distorting my perspective and none of this is true or valid.

But I can’t help but feel…being isolated for 5 months is very much reinforcing my points.

I’m officially done trying to make plans with any “friends,” except the one person who ever replies to me.

I basically said “if anyone ever wants to hang out, let me know�� and that’s the last I’ll say to basically any of them about making plans.

What’s the point? I don’t want to beg people to spend time with me.

That said, when I called one of my best friends back home to tell her I was moving back, I told her the isolation was really getting to me. I told her that I was feeling like maybe nobody ever really liked me all that much and that I’m hard to be around and that being Jewish at this time and experiencing pain publicly was just the final straw to them excluding me. Maybe I’m just fundamentally unlikable.

But she told me that was dumb and I’m dumb for saying it. And she’s seen me at my best and my worst.

Idk. This post is long and personal and weird but I’m trying to be vulnerable and document how I’m feeling during this time. I think maybe I’m prone to look back on this when this current I/P flare is over and think to myself, “maybe I was just making a big deal out of nothing.” I want to have a record of how I’m feeling. Because at this moment when I’m living through it, it feels cataclysmic.

Like..I’m not even concerned about any of my “friends” finding this cuz I’m pretty sure they’ve all muted me anyway.

[murkystarlight]

It's time I finally say it- *sigh*

I don't think. The Ocelots were friends.

Yeah- wow. What?! How could you say that?? Where did you even get that idea from? Huh? It makes no sense!!?!

I know. I know. But I have my own thoughts. My brain- doesn't like how they are friends. Because they don't seem like friends. Like for starters, Aiden, Maya and Gill were literal bullies. Lukas, didn't give a crap when he saw them bullying us. If you are a friend, and your friends are bullying someone, you tell them not to do that. Not just stand there and go "well, that's none of my business".

And even if he was just too scared to confront them, he's the leader apperantly? Also, if he's getting manipulated... Lukas probably would've said or done something about it(or left them even. Though this one probably ain't the case). We know Lukas is a coward at the beginning. But he isn't that much of a coward. And he is not someone who wouldn't not stand up to himself. He stood up to Axel. Why not Aiden??

He couldn't stop them, because they aren't his friends.

But- Lukas literally calls them his friends? You're just saying stuff

Yes. He does call the Ocelots his friends. And yes, I agree. They are a team. How could they not be friends?? What I mean to say is... they aren't really close friends. They weren't childhood friends or.. something like that. That's what I'm trying to say. (And that probably crosses out the- Aiden and Lukas ex-boyfriends thing too-)

They met, for the purpose of winning the building completion. Nothing more. Nothing less. That's my theory. My headcanon. That's just what I think.

Now if you think about it, no one. And I mean no one, other than the Ocelots, have 'matching jackets' or 'a secret handshake'. Because they don't need that to prove they're a team. But the Ocelots- they do. They need something to remind themselves that- 'we are a team. We're in this... together.'

Maybe Aiden, Maya and Gill was a team. But they needed more people, new ideas. And Lukas joined in after? Got... recruited? But I don't think Lukas could have been friends with the Ocelots to the point they were "close"

But they won the building compation like... 9 years in a row. So they must've known eachother for some time. Right? But. In that part where you make a slime block? Lukas mentions something about "you guys seem like close friends" and Axel replies with "what. You jealous?" He is jealous. Of course he is. He also wants to have teammates that care for each other and are close friends. Sure the other Ocelots are friends with him, but not to the point where they go visit each others houses and eat a meal together. The only time they meet is during Endercon. And they decided what to build, and how to get rescoreses and getting the resources. So they never really were that close.

During the Wither storm, we know how the group kept talking about Petra. Hoping she's alive and finding her way here. Lukas mentions it too. Quite a lot actually. But does he ever mention the Ocelots? Nope! Only on the fourth episode when Petra or Gabriel says "I recognize that jacket! When I was getting thrown from that monster" only then does he think about them and remember them. I'm not really overstepping here. He kept mentioning Petra previously, and not only when the others talk about it. He brings it up first in conversations a few times too. Like when he decides to stay behind at the temple and rebuild while waiting for Petra. Hoping she'd come. And in the later sixth episode with the White Pumpkin. Before they find the 'invitation' Lukas mentions Axel amd Olivia. Being worried about them. And- I'll be honest here. I didn't even think about how they could follow us and get stuck in Sky city that is currently in shambles! He cares a lot! But he only remembered the Ocelots after Petra/Gabriel mentions it?? And you could say

The others hate Lukas. And the rest of the Ocelots. Wouldn't it be weird if he talks about them?

Maybe. But no. There are.. a lot of random dialogues in this game as you all know. And Lukas mentioning his teammates/friends? In a subtle way during a conversation? Or maybe just slip it in while talking about finding Petra? It wouldn't be that weird at all! Just a simple "I know you aren't fond of them.. but I hope the other Ocelots are okay.." would have worked perfectly! It isn't weird! He could have easily mentioned his dear dear friends, but no. Not once. Because he isn't that close with them. He just thinks "they're probably doing fine-" and is okay with that.

Now- if we talk about Sky city...

Aiden doesn't seem too unhappy or sad that Lukas isn't on the team. In fact, he ditched Lukas himself!

And Lukas, also doesn't seem so sad about being kicked out. He seems more upset that there's no longer 'the Ocelots'. The team itself. Not the members of it.

In fact- it's almost hilarious, cause Petra seems more pissed off than Lukas is! All Lukas says about Aiden is "he's gotten meaner." Or "Something is happening. He's planning something" nothing about how he got ditched. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it. But it never comes up??! Not even after a while!

And in later scenes, Aiden doesn't care if Lukas dies or not. Just push him off a cliff and oops- is all.

And near the ending of it. If Aiden decides to redeem himself, he says sorry to Jesse. Not a word to Lukas? Not a word with Lukas? LUKAS DIDN'T REALLY GIVE CRAP ABOUT IT EITHER?? ....are you really friends? I mean' just the fact that Aiden ditched Lukas because he seemed to be sniffing around Jesse's gang is weird. If you're such good friends, why don't you try talk it through? It's not even that bad- I know there's a rivalry, but still! Maybe a bit over reacting??

But apparently, Lukas never mentions how he feels about the situation. Like- not once? C'mon. You can't say they were close friends without- Lukas doesn't saying a thing about Aiden or the other Blazerods. Although we do know Lukas is mad at them. But for what? He seemed fine before, or was he just hiding all his anger? It just- it just doesn't sit right with me. I'm sorry- but that's what I think

I'm not saying they weren't friends at all. I'm saying they weren't close friends. Or childhood friends.

I mean I'm just rambling so... just ignore it if you don't like it. And I would gladly ramble more about this if anyone wants me to-.

If you ask me questions about the stuff I said, I will happily (try my best to) answer! And maybe share stuff about why you think the Ocelots were close friends to make me open up more to it.

I mean... I am open to it. But i just like this opinion too much-

[exhausted-eternally]

Fic Writer Interview

Saw Topsy did this and it looked like fun so now Imma pester y'all with one.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35, currently, and only 1 is for a fandom other than The Lego Movie lmao

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

496,195 over the course of 6 years

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1- Reboot To be honest, I'm kind of baffled by this one. I started it just when covid was really starting to take off, lost where I was going with it before I was even halfway through writing it because I got SO swamped with work that writing was taken off the stove entirely for a while, and a lot of it was honestly just half-assed to get it finished but so many people LOVE it. I don't think I'll ever stop scratching my head about it, but at this point I've just accepted that it's my most popular fic ever. 2- Atonement Still ongoing and without a clear ending in mind yet. I had 2 ideas I was wanting to play with when I started it- wingfic, and house arrest. I've been having fun with it so far. 3- Prizes, Plunder, and Adventure This one was actually written based on a friend's doodles & half-finished ideas. I took them & ran with them as far as I could lol. I'm honestly happy that this one's in my top 5. 4- Hot Spring Another one that I'm kind of baffled by. It's a oneshot that's barely over 400 words. People like their coppernauts fluff, I guess lol 5- Time Travel Troubles This one was based on a prompt a friend gave me when I complained that I wanted so badly to write but had 0 ideas, lol. Of all my oneshots, I'm glad this one made it into my top 5.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Most of the time! Sometimes I can't think of a response though, and once I got overwhelmed with like 25 comments on one fic in one night from the same person so my brain kind of short-circuited lol. I definitely read and cherish every single one though.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angst tbh, so none of my fics really have angsty endings.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

That's a tough one to pick, I always write happy endings. XD; I guess I'll go with Starting Over Again.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Sort of; honestly I think they'd qualify more as AUs than proper crossovers, but sometimes I just get bit by a bug to write all my favorite characters in some other media settings for shits & giggles. Murphy's Law (Skyrim), Space Shenanigans (Star Wars), The Stranger (Myst), Octan Nights (1001/Arabian Nights), and Hollow Heart (Beauty and the Beast)

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah, when I first started posting Murphy's Law on ff.net. Honestly it just made me laugh, it was so obviously some kid doing a shit job of being a troll.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I tried once. It was SO awful that I ended up deleting it and swore off ever trying again.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. The fandom I'm in is pretty small so no one's bothered to translate any fics in it, at least as far as I know.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh, eons ago when I was still just a little baby birb. I wrote a pitiful attempt at an OoT fic with 2 of my cousins that never got far. All my works since have been solo.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Coppernauts. C:

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Lord I have SO MANY. Think I'd pick Tech Support though (with a much better rewrite to boot, so no link for this one. If you want to read the atrocious original, you'll have to hunt it down yourself :P).

15. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told I'm pretty good with characterization. I'll choose to believe it. ;3

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing literally anything. I am terrible for just... not doing it. Which is something I REALLY need to work on if I really want to reach my 300k goal with The Umiran Amulet.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There's only one language I can speak in any capacity, so I just stick with English. If it's something that's meant to be in another language, I just italicize it. Only every once in a blue moon will I use a word in another language, like if a character is swearing in their native tongue, and only if I'm absolutely 100% certain it's the right word.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Ocarina of Time. It was the fic I mentioned earlier that I wrote with my 2 cousins.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I don't really have any, at least at this time. I am very, VERY slow to move between fandoms & ships and am probably still going to be quite happily writing for TLM even when there's literally only 5 of us left lol.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I'd have to say The Atlantis Expedition, which was my first ever fic for the TLM fandom, and the first one I'd ever finished period. I have others that I love just as much, but this one will always have a special place in my heart.

[grievedifferent]

basing directly off sam raimi for a) the fact that he's primarily known as a horror director, b) is a huge name in the industry, and c) is likely on the level of josh's dad, here is roughly the "net worth" of the washington family.

by 2015, his dad is worth $45,000,000 USD if you liquidate all assets entirely down to what they're directly worth.

why this number? sam raimi is worth $40 mil. robert (bob) washington is described so heavily as this movie mogul in hollywood and this huge hotshot producer / director figure who has all these awards, has a significant sized family (it's not cheap raising three kids), and literally bought a mountain (ie enouigh property of the mountain for the peak to be considered "mount washington" after razing an entire hotel to build a lodge atop it, among other little things to keep everything operational (including lighting, sheds, electrical gates, etc) among other things.

which, just really fast, what is the cost of buying a mountain? or buying a mountain that way josh's dad did? there's a couple of answers:

a) it was likely cheap. it doesn't have a functioning ski lodge, it's not farmable, it's not commercial use, none of that. bob had to put the work in making the land "viable" or even usable to his family. it was also bought for personal use. this wasn't a lodge to rent out, this was another home. anyways. b) it's "cursed". which comes with cheap. there's been a ton of history about this, which likely drove away other sales, and allowed him to negotiate. c) he didn't actually buy the whole mountain, just enough of it to really claim "social full ownership" (if that even makes sense? he owns a bunch of it, just not all of it).

cost: roughly anywhere from $2mil USD (least) to maybe $10mil USD (most). likely between $4-6mil USD with a promise to raze the hotel for him. also, my cost-estimates are actually going off of the modern market, not in the late 1990s when he purchased it, so it was probably even cheaper tbh.

"After a successful career in Hollywood netted movie mogul Bob Washington fame and fortune, he purchased an extensive amount of land atop Blackwood Mountain to serve as the idyllic vacation retreat for his family in 1997. The manor house he built there functioned as an ideal getaway and a testament to his wealth and prosperity, and thus the Washington Estate was created. However, the site would prove to be anything but relaxing. Trespassers, protestors, and an enigmatic figure seen on the property would unnerve Bob's wife Melinda. The ultimate tragedy came in the form of the mysterious disappearance of his children." - source

so, bob was likely always in the industry in an "indie" way, then really popped off in probably 1994-1996. more money, more movies, more prestige, more connections, more everything. it happened somewhat fast, though he had always lived comfortably. this would make sense, as i have josh being born in 1994 just based off of his age and the timeline of UD.

so ... josh is a nepo baby, that's just how it is. he was born into wealth that just continued amassing before he can even fully remember being alive. he has a trust fund. he's always going to be taken care of. any kids he has will be taken care of even if he decides to never work again or expand the empire.

i've called him that from the start. he's definitely not in the 1%, but he's definitely likely one of the wealthiest (and most famous / famously connected) people his friends know currently (and might ever know tbh, he's such an exception to the rule in a way which is why we find his friends also being generally in the upper class).

also, just being real, josh is this way strictly so he can do this entire prank for the story of the game. he has to be that rich and also connected in the way of hollywood to pull this off, it just makes sense. otherwise, it's a lot of explaining when it's just much easier to say "he's rich, he's connected, his dad is in the industry, and he wants to be, too" than going "well, he got this x way and this y way and did this z way". until dawn was never meant to get that deep for the length of game, we see these constrictions all over the game because it was originally made to be a "couple's game" where couples passed the controller and played together.

however, he's very interesting as a character when "wielding his wealth". he can't help but "be rich". by this, i sort of mean like ... being invited over means seeing that wealth on open display, but it's not exactly his display so much as his parents. we can argue josh's aesthetic style later, but he definitely is rich in blood. he likes the nicer things, but he's super simplistic at the same time? he's fine to hang out in a house that isn't a mansion, he doesn't think he's "slumming it" by hanging out with anyone that isn't a millionaire, but he is used to that lifestyle. he has this sort of balance he's found, which is a good thing about josh, he does have good traits.

it's like this: josh both does and does not "fit" into the world he was born into. he's likely known by others in his sphere as a sort of eccentric, maybe a bit aloof or weird, and definitely as a creative type. but he doesn't always "get" this stuffy vibe, this sort of facade, and he likes to think of himself as "real" by comparison.

but we see in his choice of friends that they're still pretty wealthy, so there's a comfort there. we could argue that maybe chris? potentially ashley? are more "middle class" (still doing well), and i see matt as coming from the sort of family where he's the first that's "born into" some sort of wealth (from his parents), but it's made to be clear that most of these kids are basically rich kids, such as sam, mike, em, jess (her parents bought her FOUR PHONES in ONE YEAR, that is EXPENSIVE).

chris's general personality but comfortability with the washington family's wealth tells me he could be kind of either? hard to really say unless i was writing him myself, but this is the general vibe i follow and thus otter follows. chris and ash are middle class by comparison. it goes up from there.

josh follows a very personal motif of "if i say we're eating, i didn't ask for money, i asked for your order" or "if i'm eating, you're eating" which extends into a "if i'm smiling, you're going to be smiling" or "if you're not smiling, then i'm not smiling".

[akiipockii]

1) Zuko and Katara (ATLA), Willow Branch (Grounded), Rory Gilmore (IN THE FIRST TWO SEASONS OF GILMORE GIRLS), Abed Nadir (Community), Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds), Nick Valentine (Fallout 4), etc etc etc I have so many I cannot currently think of

2) matches. I suck at lighters and they sometimes hurt my fingers.

3) wish I could but my mom won’t let me. I sleep better w it open

4)most of them. Fuckin idk what’s in those woods

5) hazel, green and brown. I HATE WHEN PPL CALL THEM BROWN, They are actually mostly green!!

6) to test the bounds of discovery idk

7)hair ties unless my hair is wet. Then silk scrunchie.

8) none but a fuckton of empty cups

9) tea

10) fuck yeah

11) musical theatre !! best thing ever

12) cold, sunny day

13) like two hours ago

14) yes it makes me feel real for once

15) nah can’t even handle myself r u kiddin

16) no (I could but the gov is too afraid) and waaay too afraid to. Bad nightmares.

17) near?sighted I think

18) Amla and Olaplex hair oil and keratin shampoo and conditioner :DD

19) too shaky of hands but I could try!

20) soda. but I don’t drink soda sooo

21) my stuffed bunny cottontail. she’s my best friend I love her

22) black cat on a cold day. reminds you of moss and the sun on your back. the smell of rain as you enter a warm house.

23) makes it easier to breathe. Literally a lifesaver in Florida.

24) drawing, laughing or people watching. Maybe a bit of dancing

25) perfume and lotion

26) finally telling my parents everything. sobbing in my mothers lap as she realizes I have been hurting my whole life.

27) uhh 8?? idk

28) no but I am constantly masking which technically counts

29) hot as hades himself

30) yeah

31) keeps me grounded is like lofi/classical, but I’ll listen to anything. I prefer rock though.

32) no but I like the fluffy ones

33) going in the marsh behind my house

34) ik a lot of songs by heart

35) est

36) never. akiipockii on every platform. I own this name.

37) my childhood best friends Haley and Alex. Known them for 13(?) years.

38) fav smell is vanilla so anything vanilla smelling. Also will settle for cookies. yum.

39) occasionally.

40) yeah but nothing healthy lmao

41) I take tea not coffee but I like ginger tea with honey and an absurd amount of sugar

42) pinterest. discord because I prefer that over knowing all my friends phone numbers.

43) bad sensory issues. Not huge on spicy. BIG on salt though. Salt muncher. Can you tell I’m white? And Cypriote and Greek but still white

44) literally so many people can’t name them all. prob Supreme Court and or trump or Netanyahu.

45) …I played Minecraft?

46) don’t have one but I do enjoy playing world of Warcraft with my mom in winter. Just a wintery ass game.

47) “uhh and listen to you guys” 9:10pm. It’s 9:48.

48) never have never plan to. I don’t even like soda, coffee, energy drinks or anything other than water, milk and apple, grape and a few other types of juice. what makes u think I’ll like alcohol

49) no smh :((

50) I LOVE BEING TAGGED FEEL FREE TO TAG ME WHENEVER !!!!!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[nostalgiaispeace]

2380.

Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast? hardly toasted. just enough to melt the butter.

What time do you have to be out of bed by on a typical day? 7am at the latest.

When was the last time you cleaned your bedroom? not that long ago.

In real life do you laugh like ‘haha’, 'hehe’ or something else? idk? i just laugh?

Do you know anyone who says things like 'lol’ in real life? no

Do you have any unusual skills? not really

Do you have any bug bites right now? Not that i know of

Is there anything annoying you at the moment? yes. the weather.

Who’s your favourite person? My daughter

Are you more of a cat or dog person? I’m definitely a cat person.

Do you live out of the nearest town? no..?

Do you like to look at other peoples’ houses? yes

Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? i find cleaning the dishes pretty relaxing actually.

What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever received? i'm not sure.

Do you remember all those rhymes like 'i before e except after c��? yes

When did you last have an 'Oh, I get it now!’ moment? Hm. Idk. probably when I was doing homework.

Would you say you’re more witty or childish about jokes? witty

Do you get on with boys or girls better? I honestly get along with both fine

Do people often confide in you? Do you like it? yeah and idk. depends on what it is.

Who is someone you really admire? Marilyn Monroe

Do you prefer piano or guitar music? piano

Do you like helium balloons? sure

Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? idk probably

Do you have any fears that seem weird to others? Yes. fish.

Have you ever wished you’d been born someplace else? Yes. all the time.

What d'you think about videogames? I like a few of them.

Are there any forms of art you personally find pointless? none

What would you, or do you, study at college? I'm getting my BA in Clinical Psychology

Are you tired right now? not really.

Have you ever had, or wanted, a pet ferret? i wanted one when I was younger.

Is there anything you find undeserving of the hype it received? idk.

What’s something you do a lot? read

Are you currently on any other websites? yes

Are you good at using Photoshop? Im okay at it

What were you last embarrassed about? idk. my anixetyi guess

Are there any clothing items you really want but can’t find? not that I can think of at the moment.

Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? No

What does your dream house look like? an old farmhouse with a fireplace, a big porch for reading, and land for gardening.

Do you wear a lot of make-up? No

Do you have any projects on the go right now? no

What’s a habit you find gross? idk?

Would you rather have a Poloroid or a Lomo camera? polariod.

When was the last time you were jealous? idk. i'm literally jealous of everyone all the time.

Are you one of those people who see things for sale and say 'I could’ve come up with that!’? no

Do you, or did you, really look forward to when you can finally move away? i did

Are you the one who holds everyone’s bags at theme parks while they ride? yes

What’s the worst tattoo you’ve ever seen? Oh i mean there are alot out there?

What’s your favourite name ever? Riley

Are you a hat person? no

When was the last time you were totally grossed out? idk

Have you ever forgotten how to do something simple? yes

Are you ever jealous when you see couples or friends together? when friends are yeah

Has anyone ever approached you in the street and asked to take your picture? no

Have you ever disliked something just because most people liked it? yes lol

Does anything hurt on you right now? yes

What song’s stuck in your head? i don't have one

Did anyone ever tell you that earwigs crawl into your ear while you sleep? stop it

[user98347501938475]

what a fun weekend i am currently having. friday morning woke up to no cuddles and steve on his phone he couldnt even look up to say good morning. then i made the mistake of kicking his laundry basket out of my way in the hallway twice so that means i deserve to get some nasty text messages at 6am. great way to start my day having to apologize, again, with no apology to me for anything, for "already ruining his day" and his reply, "you ruin most of em."

this text thread caused me to go into another spiral of depression, suicidal ideation, that i called my mom later that night and ask her to take me to the hospital because i wanted to hurt myself or go get blackout drunk. 22 days sober today btw woohoo!

so after being given the silent treatment all day, i am sitting crying in the office and steve took himself out to sushi, arcade, and movie date. not a care in the world that i said i was feeling suicidal and wanted to kill myself. but my mistake i made the comment you win and all i get in response is doesnt feel like winning. jesus fucking christ your wife is telling you she wants to end her life you dont give a fuck. honestly that was it for me. i dont think any amount of counseling will save this shit show.

for context when steve threatened to take his life early on in our relationship, i was threatening to call the police i was freaking out banging on his door and took all the fucking shoelaces out of his shoes because he said he had just tried to hang himself in his closet. then i stayed with him to make sure he wasnt going to do anything. and this same man doesnt even ask or care where i will be when i tell him ill be gone for three days, a 72 hour hold possibly.

so my mom and the dr said i would be okay to go home and be under supervision for the night LMAO still gonna wanna die tomorrow but okay cool. literally unless you have active cuts or say im going to go home and kill myself they wont give you any help. and just a thought. people who want to die, me specifically, is embarassed that i am such a failure at life that youre going to make me admit to you that i dont want to be here out loud and then be told youre okay go home. i just dont understand how there is no mental help for anyone living in this shithole society.

my future will be divorced and living in a little shitty apartment by myself and never leave and never make any new friendships or relationships because i cannot make friends and date. i have way too much fucking trauma. i mean my husband doesnt care if i die and my only friend, a gay man, but man none the less, cant even drive home to be with me because hes at his moms house getting drunk,(( his mom who wouldnt move her fat ass to bail him out)) .has been using me as a gooddamn vent stress doll because he was going to be arrested and i told him he would be arrested he didnt listen to me or take any of my advice. this friend needs a whole post of his own. but anyway, guess who was taking care of his loud annoying untrained chiuaua until fucking midnight and driving to lake elsinore to get your truck and then go to the bail bonds place, all of which was extremely stressing and then he gets out keeps me up until 2 am to tell me all about how horrible it was, congratulations welcome to the club of being arrested, maybe just maybe you should have listened to your "friend" when she told you how horrible it would be. but youre a fucking moron and thought the cops woould be NICE to you wtaf.

i dont even have the energy or like xmas spirit to put up my tree. i sure as fuck dont want to celebrate the holiday with steve. he cant even understand that i wanted to visit his family just not during the holiday hysteria. so what does steve do? he buys us $2000 worth of plane tickets to leave DEC 23 and return the 27. UHM WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. i guess you heard me but just dont fucking care what i want ever. or his concern for my arthritus and nausea he doesnt fucking care. HIS family is more important than his wife, obviously how could i be so stupid. i will never be anyone prioirty i have to make myself the priority. and he was shady as fuck acting like i thought we were on the same page...... yeah maybe buit we're reading two spearate fucking books dude. idfk how you could think my wife said she doesnt want to travel during the holidays means leave 2 fucking days before christmas.

so now hes going by himself and leaving the day after christmas at noon and then returning NEW YEARS EVE at ELEVEN FUCKING THIRTY AT NIGHT. boy better get a uber home. dont even fucking ask me to drive to LAX or JWA or wherever the fuck you land because you havent even told me which airline you booked, he probably doesnt even know. the way he buys plane tickewts its just whats cheapest on the day i wanna go idgaf about how horrible the time or airline is. but yeah glad that our first new years as a couple, married as well, that we could have had a new years kiss. but you planned to land on new years eve. he just doesnt think or care about anything i care or think about. we are so fucking wrong for each other.

im so glad i can write here since i only get therapy once a week and steve said he doesnt want to hear me "trauma dumping" or if hes already heard the story he doesnt want to hear it again. thank goodness for the void of internet.

[thetantiger]

doing this 'cause I'm already experiencing art withdrawal from my hiatus I've forced onto myself with light encouragement from my friends so here we go

also I realize "game" likely implies some schmo is supposed to be like "please answer #69!" but fuck you I go by my own rules and have fun with it too

LMAO so this computer is only about a year old, a while ago my other computer literally shit itself and died so I used to have paint tool SAI on there but now on this one I legit only have the one I actually use which is FireAlpaca

Forward, but left is easier than right

I used to have this warriors self-insert OC when I was REAL YOUNG named Moonfeather that I still hold near and dear to my heart but haven't made art of in literal years and don't have a concrete design for. yes she was special, yes she could turn into a dragon (???) But if you mean ideas I currently use, Ray's been around since I was 10 so

EDITH LOL drawing little kid her is easy as fuck 'cause she looks almost exactly like kid-Gray but current/teen her is so aids 'cause she has all that dragon shit going on + her hair is complicated

literally I post everything online (that I can ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) because I need validation there is not a single piece of digital art that I've made that hasn't been posted on the internet (for the most part ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

my own goddamn trauma. literally half the time I look at an arc a character just had and went "yo the way snarky like came back in a new form with blue reminds me of how my current cat acts exactly like the one I lost" and then I mental boom

gouache (spelling?), that shit's so pretty

literally just made a video about this lmao, the Animals PMV. RIP

if it's a finished piece in the form of a png I name it the piece's title, if it's a WIP art program file I name the file something like "ass" and move on

hoodies.. or scarves. belts are fun too

music or podcasts. sometimes vcs

face/expressions, I fucking LOVE drawing expressions SO MUCH

lotta them undertale/deltarune fanartists are fucking amazing but I've never been into that fandom. Also my husband is super into FNF mods and those are neat too

the little fucking ocean wiggles on fantasy maps y'know the ones

my house/desk lol

fuck idk. the shit I've trained myself to get good at is the shit I've really cared about, however my least favorite part of a piece is lineart

dear god no I HAVE to separate food from that shit, I have enough food anxiety as it is. I watch videos while I eat

not a whole lot actually, I don't distinctly remember doing so pretty much ever

literally fucking none actually. like I legit scoured my art and animation for this shit and couldn't find ANYTTHING. I adore drawing characters so much and anytime I have to draw something inanimate that's not directly clothing -on- the character or weapons it makes me want to kick a baby. broken glass is fun tho I guess???

hands. not that it's easier for me but I like how expressive I can be with em

tybaxel is so fucking amazing but that's like my only answer, not that I don't like other people's art that doesn't look like mine either but that's literally the only example I could think of because I don't keep track of this sorta thing, if it looks pretty I follow. that's my philosophy

lol

not sure what this means actually so no

only rarely for like purposes of poses or perspective. almost all the time my reference window is just a wow screenshot

nothing is coming to me off the top of my head but I have noticed characters or concepts I thought of before I found certain media crops up in said media anyway. like Detective looks very Lackadaisy and I'm not tryna say I'm salty about it I think it's neat actually

any piece with amab characters whose design includes being shirtless. like bro, tree is just chillin'

sometimes I scribble cool/dramatic expressions before drawing but only occasionally

i helped paint a mural in my hometown :D

vivzie's creations, a lot of the character designs are too spiky/thin for me but I understand the stylistic choice

LITERALLY the one I JUST posted based off the song Mama by My Chemical Romance I'm literally in love with it and I don't think anybody saw it fucking rip

anyway yeah fuck it I just felt like doing that lmfao

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game

Didn't see a lot of artist ask games, wanted to make a silly one.

(I wrote this while sick out of my mind last year and it's been collecting dust in my drafts, I might as well let it run free) 1. Art programs you have but don't use

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

3. What ideas come from when you were little

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

9. What are your file name conventions

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

12. Easiest part of body to draw

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

14. Any favorite motifs

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

23. Do you use different layer modes

24. Do your references include stock images

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #110

(taken february 2nd; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever taken classes, ie pottery, swimming lessons, etc? I took dance classes for maaaany years, and I also briefly got electric guitar lessons. I'm currently taking my second non-school-student type photography class, and this one is REALLY benefiting me. I've maybe taken more, but I don't remember any right now that weren't like, school classes. I guess you could include German, but taking a language was mandatory to graduate; granted, I took more classes than what was necessary to graduate in it. Lately I've actually been considering looking into venomous snake handling for once I'm in better shape and can react adequately so I can actually help people move snakes instead of them getting killed. I don't have any interest in handling venomous species beyond that, though. I just don't think it's smart.

Do you play games on your PC? I only really play WoW these days. I do however REALLY want to play the remake of Resident Evil 4 when it comes out in March, but I don't have an appropriate console, so I'm stuck with doing PC.

If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? A TARANTULA. :( God I want at least ONE so badly. There was a great deal for one of my favorite beginner species on Craigslist the other day and you have no idea how tempted I was to ask Mom for the millionth time. 😭

Do you have an active sex life? Not so far as having straight-up sex, but I'd say we do "things" at a normal and healthy rate.

If you could change any law, what would you change? Why? Healthcare is fucking free, for everyone. I should NOT even need to explain the reason.

What would be your VERY last meal? If I had the ability to pick, uh... I really don't know for sure, it would still depend on what I felt like having...

Are you defensive about anything? Yes; my mental health and what I've dealt with/survived. I also get very uncomfortable when people shit all over things I like in the way that they make you feel dumb or weird for liking something. You're allowed to not like ANYTHING I like, but when you make me feel bad about it/like I'm morally doing something wrong by liking the thing, I WILL get defensive. I know part of that comes from my extreme hypersensitivity to rejection/judgment thanks to AvPD, so I'm probably worse about it than some people.

Have you ever driven 80+ mph? *I* haven't, but I've definitely been in cars that were going over that... which I wasn't happy about.

Have you ever changed a lightbulb? In my reptiles' heat lamps, yes.

Is your house energy efficient? Well I know Mom always complains about the electric bill, so I guess not. It is abnormally high compared to friends and family.

Any vacations planned? No. We basically never, ever go on vacations.

Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? Yes I did. My older sister was particularly absolutely obsessed.

What gym do you have a membership to? None, now. But the last time was the YMCA, which I liked WAY more than Planet Fitness. The people were very, very friendly and accepting.

If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I WISH I could handle contacts, but I just can't. I had an absolutely godawful experience where I put one in backwards once and it got completely stuck somewhere in my eye, like I was literally crying for at LEAST over 15 minutes fighting like hell to find it and get it out. I think that's the specific occasion where I changed to glasses. I eventually went back to trying contacts, but by this point I needed a weighted one in one of my eyes because my vision in it was so severe, and it gave me bad headaches. I could literally feel the weight ON my eye. Since then I've stuck with glasses.

Best party you’ve ever been to? One of Summer's as a teenager. We just hung out in this extra building that's at her place, which she decorated thoroughly, and we also had big ol' speakers playing music in there. It was very fun.

Have you ever been skinny dipping? No, but I have this weird urge to one day when I don't actually hate my body lmao

Best summer memory? Oh I have no idea, but I'm sure it was from my childhood. I've absolutely dreaded summer since like, a pre-teen.

Have you ever been surfing? No.

Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? I don't.

Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I'm not sure, actually...

What’s the name of the local news network in your town? WRAL. Well, I don't know if my actual city has its own news network, but that's the big nearby one that everyone watches.

Have you ever colored in an adult coloring book as a stress reliever? Not necessarily as a stress reliever, I just wanted to.

What would you do if you accidentally got pregnant? Have an absolute emotional crisis/meltdown and get an abortion.

What’s your favorite Netflix show? Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

What was the last really intense pain you felt? A few days ago I had very, very intense stomach cramps that made me like silently gasp with how bad they were. It's really common I have stomach problems that go beyond normal cramping when I'm on my period.

Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes? Girt's eyes are brown.

Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them. No, I never do.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? Brianna, and no. Although I did see her mother the last time I was at the dentist, and between she, my mom, and me, we're thinking of planning a get-together with the family whenever Brianna next comes back into town. I really would love to see her, although I'm uh, kinda nervous about the idea. Brianna is way, WAY more successful than I am and I worry she'll be disappointed in me and what I became.

Have you seen the person you love/like recently? How is he/she doing? It's been around a week and I miss him super badly. He was really stressed out recently, primarily because of work, but he told me yesterday that the day he took for himself really, really helped him refuel, so I'm very happy about that. He's apparently very excited for this weekend though so that makes me happy.

How many vowels are there in your full name? Six.

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? It's pretty, but I absolutely hate how insanely common it is.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? Yeah, my current pj pants were a Christmas gift, as were the gauges I currently have in my ears.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? I think she's a beautiful woman.

Name a singer that you like, whose name starts with the letter "C." Chris Cerulli/Motionless is a great one.

Who is the sixth contact in your phone? What colour is his/her hair? She's actually a natural redhead.

What is your brother/sister’s favourite food? I don't know any of my siblings' ACTUAL favorite food, but I can tell you Nicole's is probably a Mexican dish, she fucking loves Mexican food.

Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? No, we try to not keep ice cream or just sweets in general.

In your life, who is the person that seems to understand you the most? My mom, I think.

Which one of your friends do you see/hang out with most often? I only really ever hang out with Girt, but he's way more than a friend so idk if he counts here.

If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I'm not gonna go deep into this because I don't even like entertaining the idea of allowing myself to have kids, but I guess primarily to give the world a person/people who I believe can do great things. Then there's also I just like... want to do/make SOMETHING I'm proud of, but that's not the reason you should have a kid. I also really do think that especially as they got older, I could really be friends with my children.

What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? This was obviously painful on the heart to do, but I will never forget dissecting a frog. It was SO fascinating. Dissecting owl pellets was also very cool, like some people would find actual rodent skulls and stuff. I know there are others, I really loved doing science experiments, I just don't remember them now.

What was the last strong emotion you felt? I was very stressed last night talking to Mom about going back to my old therapist once she moves into her new business.

After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? No. Well, I guess not NEVER, but it's super rare and depends on the cereal.

What’s your favorite sub-genre of rock? Hard rock.

What historical event would you have liked to witness? Even before I was big into German culture and stuff, my answer to this was the fall of the Berlin wall. A country coming back together is a wonderful, powerful thing. I've seen pictures and videos of the event and oh my god it's incredible.

Who was the last person to get frustrated with you, and why? That I KNOW of, uh... realistically probably Mom, but idk what I most recently did to make her feel that way.

Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. At least, we didn't consistently not get along.

What’s something that bothers you more and more as you get older? Why people get so fucking bent out of shape for others leading their lives in a totally harmless manner just because they disagree with what they stand for when it has ZERO effect on them. That is just a special level of SEEKING out something to be mad about and also emphasize how much holier than thou you think you are. It's fucking infantile.

What types of animals have you had as pets? Cats, dogs, guinea pigs, lizards, rabbits, rats (and maybe mice, I'm not sure...), gerbils, snakes, hamsters, fish...

What was the last fruit you ate? It was uhhhhh... maybe grapes...? I'm not sure, really, as far as just straight fruit goes.

What gives you immense pleasure? Finishing something that I feel was truly productive, especially if it's something I've been putting off.

What is an article of clothing you would never ever wear? Thongs, they are wildly uncomfortable.

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? Yes; many, many years ago when I had a hemorrhoid (second-most physically painful thing I have ever been through) and basically wanted to fucking die. I also kinda just have gastrointestinal issues in general and have my entire life and there are times where my stomach wants me dead very, very suddenly and I never actually look forward to taking care of the whole process lmfao, I'll spare you the details.

What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? It would probably depend on where I hear noise going on, and if my mom is home; if she is, I'm going to try to get into her room across the hall first, but I can guaranfuckingtee she'd either be beating the absolute shit out of the robber or be in my room quicker than you could fucking blink; she DOES NOT fuck around when her kids/grandkids/kids in general are at risk. Once she's in there or if I'm home alone, I'm/we're going out the window and getting a neighbor to call the cops.

Who’d you last see in a tux? In person, most likely the groom and groomsmen at the last wedding I shot.

Have you ever sexted? I've sent sexual texts before, but I've never gone past that.

Out of everyone you know, who has the most heart? My mama.

Who’s the bravest person you know? Also my mom.

Have you ever given up on someone before? I mean, yeah. I think everyone has.

Did you end up regretting it later in life? No. At least, not that I remember.

Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? How I treated Jason after he left, yes. I was 120% fully convinced everything I said was justified for years. I was very wrong.

How come no one knows what MGMT is? Coincidentally I know and like one song by them thanks to Girt, "Little Dark Age." I wanna listen to it now, thanks, lol.

What did you dream about last night? I just remember it had Juan in it, which was REALLY weird?????? Also we were getting hotdogs? Idk bro lmao

Have you ever tried to change someone? Yes. Never should've in my case.

Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? Nope.

Do you miss your ex? Not anymore. I don't miss people who ultimately didn't support/believe in me.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Yup, starting in the 8th grade. I basically had a crisis over me being bisexual, but I was VERY Christian at the time and eventually managed to just repress my feelings until adulthood. Religion did so much fucking harm to me and the kind of person I was.

Do you have mean comments that replay in your head and haunt you? FUCKING YUP.

^ If so, do you know why that is? Because I always, ALWAYS worry about what if they're actually right? I have this problem where I second-guess my own intentions and shit ALL the time, like a part of me is so convinced I'm actually a bad, manipulative person, even though in my *heart* and *core* I don't believe that at all... but it's a problem I've been totally obsessed with for years. I will latch the fuck onto "what if"s like nobody's business.

What are you currently worried about, if anything? I can't for the life of me pick out a gift for Girt for Valentine's. I have future ideas for sure, mostly custom products, but I need pictures of us, and none exist because we're both not picture people, so they're out of the question for now. I'm absolutely running out of time. I have a drawing/painting I want to make him planned, but I need to actually fucking DO it, and I want to get him more than that anyway.

When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I ABSOLUTELY want a black Christmas tree with white faux snow/frost, then probably use ornaments of a specific color scheme each year. Already told Girt we're getting a black tree and he's totally on board, y'all I got me a WINNER

Name 3 YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. GameGrumps has been my go-to, but I also regularly watch WoolieVS and John Wolfe.

Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah, and I'm actually very heavily considering getting back into making Meerkat Manor tribute-esque videos. This laptop doesn't have a disc tray though, so I can't put my DVDs in and save the footage, and it's not at all easy to find quality MM footage online. I've been working on a list of projects I wanna do, though.

If you could win a shopping spree in any store, what would it be? Rebel's Market.

What color was your senior prom dress? Black. I really wish I hadn't deleted all those pictures, the dress was so pretty, *I* was pretty (though I didn't think so back then), I looked so happy...

Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother Jonathan is like... red/green colorblind, if I remember right. It was some two colors.

How good are you in trivia games? What’s your best category? It really depends. I'd say I know more trivia than the *average* person (literally mostly from my GMM days lmfao), but I am absolutely not amazing at it. I could always like, ace animal behavior/science questions, though.

Are you a sore winner or a sore loser? Neither, in total honesty. I believe everyone deserves their time in the spotlight, especially when they worked hard for it, so I'm happy for 'em when it's their turn! I'm not gonna lie and say I wouldn't be DISAPPOINTED if it was something I was very serious about and worked hard on (like for example, a photography competition), but it won't go beyond that.

Who is your absolute favourite film director? Tim Burton. I LOVE his style and endless creativity.

What is a question you would never ever ask somebody? Things like if they were ever assaulted. Very triggering things.

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Can I request a Shane and Molly holiday sickfic where they’re trying to celebrate but then they both get sick?

Words: 1367

Title: We'll Share A Cup Of Kindness Yet

Hey hi hello anon and thanks for the request. This suited my current, continued need for small drabble prompts perfectly, and as soon as I read this cute post by @sickromancer, I immediately thought of my favorite medical couple and this prompt, and here we are. Glad I could get this out before the end of the official holiday season. Sorry if you guys are sick of Christmas stuff. That was the holiday that worked best with my vision for this. This may not quite be what you asked for in the prompt, but I think it speaks to the intention anyway. I wrote this in like an hour and it’s barely proofread, so forgive any errors, and also forgive the ending since I couldn’t figure out where to stop it. It is also so sappy and sickly sweet, but that’s all I ever want to write for Shmolly. So warning for that I guess lol. 

This house party was standing room only, so everyone was forced into a perpetual state of milling around, snacking and small talking. Events like this were Molly’s worst nightmare, and it was so full here that there was no hope of finding a corner in which to hide even for a little bit. To make matters worse, Molly was also sick. It had been coming on for a few days, but only those who knew her best had been able to tell until recently. It had progressed to being visible to the rest of the world less than eight hours ago, and the timing of this fancy Christmas party couldn’t be worse in that regard. 

Sarah, Molly’s best work friend, lingered near the dark-haired woman, ready to swoop in and intervene if Molly started to get that uncomfortable, panicky look her friend knew all too well. Sarah was only here because Molly had asked her to be, and Molly was only here because Shane had asked her to be. However, since Shane was busy playing the role of ‘charismatic up-and-coming young doctor’ elsewhere in the house, someone had to keep an eye on Molly and keep her from going crazy. Molly was fine for now, though, chatting with the hostess about books. In fact Sarah wished someone would swoop in and save her instead. With nothing better to do, she listened idly to Molly’s conversation, nibbling the food from her tiny plate.

“I’ve actually been on a classics kick lately, reading and rereading those books from those ‘Books You Need to Read Before You Die’ lists. I just read The Alchemist for the first time and found it really interesting,” Molly was saying happily, though Sarah heard her audibly sniffling. “I really loved– sorry, just a moment…” Molly turned away awkwardly, dabbing at her nose and giving a half-hearted blow in an attempt to do damage control while doing her best not to spoil her makeup. “Sorry, I think I’m coming down with something. Me and the rest of the world, right? Just in time for Christmas.”

The hostess laughed merrily. “Jim just got over a cold a day or two ago too. It’s that time of year unfortunately, and health care workers take the brunt of it. But back to the classics, I also loved the Alchemist. Such a simple story, yet he managed to impart so much depth and meaning.”

Sarah sighed, tuning out again. Molly was clearly settling in for a long chat, rhinovirus and all. Good for her. It was dull to listen to people talk about books you’ve never read, however. By now her plate was empty, so Sarah began to maneuver her way back to the kitchen for something else to snack on, and maybe some punch. 

In the kitchen, she ran into none other than Shane, almost literally. He was standing in the doorway, talking loudly to some other young doctors, all of them holding cocktails. Shane of course had the floor, and Sarah didn’t have time to catch what he was talking about before he paused suddenly, then lurched forward into a muffled sneeze, crushed into the napkin he was holding. He sprang up as the others chuckled, scrubbing at his nose.

“... and I have a fucking cold,” he groaned, clearly playing up his misery for the laughs. Sarah couldn’t help but laugh too, slipping past them on her way to the punch bowl. So that’s where Molly had caught her cold. Or had it been the other way around? That was one of the few benefits of being single, Sarah thought to herself as she loaded up another tiny plate. At least there wasn’t anyone to swap germs with constantly. 

~~~

The party had ended, they had dropped Sarah off at her apartment, and Shane and Molly had made their way back to the condo. Shane had gone immediately to the bedroom to remove his tie and stiff shirt and shoes. He expected Molly to be right behind him, but when he had fully changed into pajamas and she still hadn’t joined him, he went in search of her. 

His lovely wife hadn’t made it out of the living room and was instead sitting on the arm of the couch, staring at the Christmas tree, the twinkling lights illuminating the otherwise dark room, sparkling and shimmering off of everything, especially her glittery red dress. It was a breathtaking sight, and Shane had to be a part of it. He padded to her side and looped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his embrace willingly, though she didn’t take her eyes off the tree. 

“Whatcha thinkin’, love?” he murmured, his lips brushing her hair. 

“I’m thinking that I’m actually starting to like holidays again thanks to you,” she said, her voice almost as hoarse and gravelly as his. She turned to look at him with a tired-eyed smile, the dim light somehow accenting her red, chapped nose, which also matched what he had seen in the mirror. “I’m thinking I love string lights. We should put them up year round. And I’m thinking I really, really hate colds.”

How could she say so much in so few words? Shane could only marvel at her, unsure whether to laugh or cry. He settled for a soft chuckle, but the sound caught in his throat and became a cough instead, which somehow covered both bases nicely. “Yes to the year round string lights. And I’m sorry I gave you my cold.” In a fluid motion, he pulled her onto his lap and took her place on the couch arm, wrapping his arms around her securely. “And I’m honored that I get to spend the rest of my life helping you like holidays again. It’s a responsibility I will never take for granted.” 

The last part was whispered into her ear as she nuzzled her cheek against his. They remained just like that for a long time, their breathing in sync, letting the peace of the moment wash over them. 

However, eventually their shared cold demanded attention once more. Shane freed one of his arms to dig in his pocket for a tissue, pressing it to his nose just in time to stifle a sneezing fit, taking great care to avoid sneezing directly on the woman in his lap. 

“Bless you, hon,” Molly murmured once he was finished, kissing his cheek. 

“Thanks,” he sniffled, scrubbing the back of his hand under his nose since the tissue was now useless. “I hope we didn’t pass this along to anyone at the party.”

“I hope so too,” Molly sighed. “It just figures. This is the first time I’ve gone to a Christmas party in years, and I have a cold, which I probably ended up giving to the hospital CFO’s wife.”

“If you did it won’t set in for a few days, meaning she won’t be sick for Christmas. Unlike us.” He checked his watch. “Speaking of which… Merry Christmas, baby.” 

“Merry Christmas.” They shared a tender kiss. 

When they broke apart, Molly was smiling mischievously. “Whatever Christmas present you got me better be pretty damn good to make up for this awful gift you already gave me,”

“First of all, I always get you amazing presents. So yes, your Christmas present is pretty damn good. But secondly, you knew I was getting sick a few days ago and you still kept kissing me like you always do. I think that means the blame falls totally on you. And this gift isn’t all bad anyway. We get to cancel all the plans we want to for the next few days and stay home in our pajamas. Sounds pretty good to me.”

“You know what… you make a good point.” Molly dug out her own tissue just then, wiping and blowing her nose thoroughly. “I miss being able to breathe through my nose, though.”

“Me too. Maybe Christmas hot chocolate will help.”

“Hot chocolate always helps. And I can’t think of a better way to spend the midnight between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's very Auld Lang Syne.” 

“All for you, my dear,” Shane murmured, brushing his lips over her ear once more. 

[tobi-smp]

it’s still the tommy-apologist holiday here in the states, so let me say something controversial:

doomsday wasn’t a mutual betrayal between technoblade and tommy, technoblade’s feelings were hurt and he has the right to feel that way but he was the one that had been overstepping tommy’s boundaries from the beginning and got hurt when tommy tried to pull himself back.

tommy only agreed to an alliance on the condition that they’d be causing “minor” terrorism in l’manberg, that l’manberg Wouldn’t get destroyed and that tubbo wouldn’t be hurt, which tommy reinforced multiple times. technoblade intentionally let him believe in that lie when he had no intention of upholding those terms because he Specifically wanted to change tommy’s morals to the point that he’d eventually agree with it. techno may have done this because he genuinely thought that it’d be a good thing for tommy, but it wasn’t his right or his Place to decide that he could do that, especially as time went on and he realized how unstable tommy currently was ("Oh my god, you just have no freewill whatsoever." - technoblade to tommy during dream’s first surprise visit to techno’s house).

technoblade revealed that he’d been lying to tommy about this this entire time, which tommy would’ve had the right to get angry with him about. again, I cannot stress enough that this is technoblade revealing that he’d lied to tommy and had been using tommy to help him get ready to destroy his home, whether technoblade actually needed tommy’s help or not is irrelevant because this makes tommy complicit and changes the entire circumstances around their partnership. This was an actual act of betrayal, the betrayal of tommy’s trust.

it didn’t go that way however, because techno Did successfully manipulate tommy here (and it is manipulation, whether we want to think of it that way or not). techno presented l’manberg in a purely negative light (insisting that tubbo specifically was a bad person who’d never been tommy’s friend), he encouraged tommy’s more violent coping mechanisms, and then when he thought tommy was far enough along he revealed what he’d wanted to do while insisting that he Trusted tommy now and holding the idea of genuine friendship over his head. (”You could actually be useful. You could actually be, dare I say it, a friend.” “That’s all I ever wanted.”)

none of this means that techno didn’t genuinely like tommy or that he wasn’t genuinely trying to look out for him, but tommy was blatantly coerced into joining techno’s cause here when it’d been explicitly against his boundaries. tommy Never wanted to destroy l’manberg, he wanted a relationship that he felt safe and wanted in, he wanted to be happy. techno presented himself as someone who cared about tommy, and then he presented tommy helping him destroy l’manberg as the key to his friendship when he was literally the only person that tommy had (and had made sure to emphasize that). of course tommy agreed.

tommy had tried to convince himself that he was okay with techno’s plans, but as soon as he’d genuinely hurt tubbo that illusion was shattered. he realized then and there that on a moral And emotional level he could not stand to see tubbo hurt without seeing himself as a monster. tommy’s reaction here was inward when it so easily could’ve been outward, could’ve been outward anger at the man who railroaded him into this situation despite his wishes, and it just wasn’t.

at this moment tommy Still trusted techno, he was honest with techno immediately and was Clearly having a breakdown. techno’s reaction was immediately the offensive (asking tommy if he “really wants to do this” doesn’t count as giving tommy a fair chance, especially when techno has Seen and talked tommy down from his panic attacks before), tommy was immediately Dead to him while Tommy was still willing to make a compromise (tommy thought that techno would be receptive to a compromise because he’d been tricked into thinking he was getting one before, but he wasn’t and techno would never settle for that).

techno presented himself as someone that tommy could trust and rely on (and particularly as someone who’d be patient with him during his breakdowns, which the confrontation at the community house definitely was), that’s Why tommy was honest with him and Why he’d felt comfortable enough with him to say how he felt in plain words as best as he could (compare “I’m worse than everyone I never wanted to be” to “Wilbur wasn’t so poggers” and it’s immediately obvious what I mean). On Top Of techno (falsely) presenting tommy’s participation as a choice, he’d already made tommy participate by getting tommy to help with the preparations before telling tommy the truth about what they’d been preparing for, tommy had already been complicit before he could make an informed choice. it also goes without saying that techno immediately partnered with dream with no remorse. that’s strike two and three of betraying tommy’s trust.

tommy had been trying to reach techno all throughout doomsday, it wasn’t until it was over that tommy had been completely disillusioned with techno. his conclusion was that techno had Never been his friend because he could not imagine someone who cared about him ever reacting to that situation the way that techno did or hurting someone who He cared about in the way that techno did.

and even then, even despite all of that, tommy Still cares about him even if he Does genuinely still believe that technoblade never cared about him.

when you actually look at the situation it’s technoblade tricking a traumatized teen into helping him destroy something that techno knew was important to him while further straining tommy’s relationships with people that techno knew he still cared about (by intentionally withholding information) and then getting so explosively angry when tommy tried to pull back that he made him the main focus of doomsday despite the people who tried to literally murder him also being there.

tommy hurt techno by deciding that he couldn’t let him hurt his best friend or destroy his country without severely damaging his own mental health and self worth After he’d made it clear that this was a moral boundary for him.

that’s not mutual at all, there is literally nothing even about their actions towards each other or the power between their dynamic. they were Mutually upset, they were not Mutually betrayed.

[castrotophic]

ooh thank you for the tag this is so much fun!!!!! i love love love talking about books omg

Last book I read: Get Lucky by Katherine Center. i looove Katherine center she just write the stylist little romcom novels but they're so fun... i didn't love this one as much as some (my favorite is hello stranger) but it was really cute and fun and summery!

A book I recommend: i always always say Just Above My Head by James Baldwin for this question... one of the best books i have ever read hands down. race and gender and religion and sexuality and love and everything important is in this book. sooooo good

Book I couldn't put down: i mean most recently? The Decagon House Murders by Yukito Ayatsuji was amazinggggg SUCH a twisty mystery and a really clever retelling of agatha Christie's and then there were none

Book I've read twice: oooh this is hard lol because i reread so many books... my most recent reread was definitely more than twice but oh well. Okay For Now by Gary D. Schmidt was just. aghhhh it's such a fantastic book. technically i think it's a middle grade novel but it is in no way childish lmao that is one of the most beautiful books I've ever read honestly

A book on my tbr: my most recent addition is The Meursault Investigation by Kamel Daoud... saw it on some summer reading list and it sounded super cool, set from the pov of camus's arab's brother... and you all KNOW how i feel about the stranger...

A book I have put down: honestly i dnfed The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride which was surprising to me bc it got soooo many rave reviews. i just couldn't get into it, i felt like there were too many characters for me to really care about any of them if that makes sense. i liked the premise but it was just too dry imo

A book on my wish list: i have GOT to get my hands on a copy of Picture Us in the Light by Kelly Loy Gilbert i feel like i want to reread that book once a week... suuuch a good story about parenthood and love and family i just hggrggrg

A favorite book from childhood: oh this one had GOT to be the Lockwood & Co. series by Jonathan Stroud... best children's book series i have ever read hands down. it's got ghosts and mysteries and really fun character dynamics... like it's just so much fun

A book I would give a friend: ooh The History of Love by Nicole Krauss. ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS EVER OMG i could not imagine a more beautiful book about love like genuinely just wow. read this PLEASE SOMEONE i want to talk about itttt ive been trying to get everybody i know in on this but nobody's taken up the offer yet

A book of poetry or lyrics I own: most recently i bought Conflict Resolution for Holy Beings by Joy Harjo... love that woman so much it's insane

A nonfiction book i own: Vincent and Theo by Deborah Heiligman... it's a biography of Van Gogh from when i was in my van gogh hyperfixation phase but Wow it is so good... one of the few nonfiction books that had made me cry actually, it was fantastic

Currently reading: To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis. very funny, very cute, i do recommend it!

Planning on reading next: The Bodyguard by Katherine Center lmaooo yeah im in my romcom summer moment what of it. they're cute lol

thank you for the tag red!!! i love this so much if u ever want to discuss books hit me up 💖 idk who to tag rn so ill just leave it open but let it be known that i literally ALWAYS want to hear peoples book recommendations it says sooo much about a person honestly

Reading Tag Game!

Thanks @the-lincyclopedia this is my jam!! I tag @thatgirlnevershutsup @castrotophic @infiniteseriesofhalfways @notsosaucystuff and @whatsitcalledfromthingy - if you wanna play, of course!

Last book I read: Becoming Ella Fitzgerald by Judith Tick. It was...sort of dry and boring. I was hoping for something more personal. But honestly it was so eye opening, in that sometimes there are gaps in the history of her life and they have to assemble a timeline piecemeal from venue records and such, which is...I wonder about it

A book I recommend: Fellowship Point by Alice Elliott Dark. Her prose is unbelievable. Some of the best writing I have ever read, ever - wry and witty and so so heartfelt. It was in the running for my favorite book of the year until I read Babel. 

Book I couldn't put down: One by One by Ruth Ware. I don't love EVERY Ruth Ware title, but I consider myself a connoisseur of Thrillers for Scaredy Cats, and this is an absolute masterpiece in that arena. 

Book I've read twice: I reread ALL the time, but how about I mention (again) the fact that I have read my least favorite book of all time twice, just to be sure. (It's Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray. I loathe that book.)

A book on my TBR: My Goodreads TBR is legit in the four figures, but the latest one I added is called The Mistresses of Cliveden and it was rec'd to me by my sister, with whom I share a love of intimate accounts of historical women's lives. 

A book I have put down: I assume this means I DNFed. This list is pretty short! I have a different shelf for "books I didn't finish but want to try again someday" than for "giving up bc I hate it." The most recent one was The Montessori Baby by Simone Davies, which I picked up when my kid was about 8 months old and promptly began to internalize a TON of guilt about everything I wasn't doing, so I said NOPE. 

A book on my wish list: I Didn't Do the Thing Today by Madeline Dore, which was basically written for me, personally, and may indeed change your life as well. Completely changed how I see my life and productivity and creativity and and and.

A favorite book from childhood: Oh God, all of them. But somehow I have not yet mentioned my favorite author of all time, Madeleine L'Engle, so I will mention her now, and shout out A Wrinkle In Time and A House Like a Lotus. 

A book I would give a friend: The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo. I love this book so so so much. It's about sisterhood, and parenting, and how we can hurt the people we love without doing anything wrong per se. I actually did force a copy on my mother in law because I happened to visit a bookstore the same day she and I had been chatting about it. 

A book of poetry or lyrics I own: I have a collection of C. S. Lewis' poems I bought in Sweden.

A non-fiction book I own: Upstairs at the White House by J. B. West, who served as Chief Usher at the White House from the tail end of the FDR presidency to the beginning of Nixon. It's absolutely fascinating. I've read this like five times. 

Currently reading: Anna Karenina on audio. I've been slogging through it since the beginning of this year. I really want to finish it this time (I've started and stalled on AK at least twice, maybe 3 times?!).

Planning on reading next: My hold on The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot just came through!

[itsallyscorner]

Teaming Up with Sam and Bucky ft Zemo

Pairing: FEM!Reader; Bucky Barnes x reader, Sam Wilson x reader; platonic(?), let’s throw in some Zemo x reader

Summary: What it would be like to team up with our favorite duo. Takes place during TFATWS.

Warnings: none, TFATWS SPOILERS. Lowkey a mess :D

A/n: Ever since TFATWS came out I’ve been reminded of how much I love Bucky and Sam. Also I have a new found love for Zemo. I’ve just been so obsessed with this series and I’ve been reading so many fics about it, so I decided to finally write my own :) Enjoy my loves❤️

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

✧───── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *. ☽.* :★. ─────✧

You’re basically working with a bunch of children.

The children mostly being Sam and Bucky, though Zemo does have his moments once he joins you three.

You’ve known dumb and dumber for a few years now, being part of the Avengers, you’ve worked with Sam on multiple missions. The friendship blooming somewhere in between.

You were also close friends with Steve; when he first came out the ice, you were assigned to help him adjust to the modern world by Fury. He would tell you a bunch of stories of him and Bucky running into trouble or Bucky always saving his ass whenever he was getting beaten up.

Eventually, you finally got to meet Bucky, though he wasn’t Bucky, he was the Winter Soldier. Your introduction to each other was quite memorable to say the least.

He choked you with that metal arm of his and for a split second you swore you might’ve found it attractive—till he threw your body against a car.

You sided with Cap during the accords and helped him protect Bucky. When that whole mess was over, Steve asked you to stay with Bucky in Wakanda to make sure he would be safe.

You were the first person to have some kind of bond with Bucky. Before and after he was freed from Hydra’s hold on him, you were always someone he knew he could trust.

When Steve told you what he was going to do while retuning the stones he told you to watch over them.

“Promise me you’ll keep an eye on Buck and Sam?” He asked you, sitting on the edge of your bed. He had snuck into your room late at night, knowing you were wide awake.

You squeezed his hand reassuringly, a lazy smile on your lips, “They don’t need me, I’m sure they’re capable of surviving on their own.” Steve breathes out a laugh and shakes his head, “You’d be surprised.”

“But seriously, (y/n), they need you. You know how they get when they’re together. You’re the only person in the world who knows how to deal with the both of them at the same time.” Steve reasons, his baby blues sparkling in the darkness of the guest room of Tony’s lake house.

“Make sure they’re not on the verge of killing each other or running into too much trouble?” You tiredly nod, sleep slowly consuming your body. “I promise, they’re gonna be alright, Steve.”

Sometimes you found yourself looking up at the sky, cursing at it—or Steve—for leaving you with two of the most childish and stubborn men you’ve ever known in your life.

You were like the mother of the group; breaking up fights, making sure they skipped no meals, patching up their boo-boos, etc.

“Will you stop staring at me?” Sam snapped, tossing his goggles onto the seat beside him to glare at Bucky.

“I’m not staring at you.” Bucky remarked from across Sam. His flesh and metal arm crossing with each other as he stared at Sam challengingly.

“Yes, you are. Your eyes are connecting with mine. You’re literally staring at me right now!” Sam pointed out, to which Bucky rolled his eyes at.

“Because I’m talking to you, genius. I wasn’t staring at you.” Bucky quipped.

“Yes you were!”

“No I wasn’t!”

This continued till they were sick of bickering with each other, finally yelling out your name for help.

The arguments were straight up petty. Bucky wouldn’t admit it, but he was the pettiest.

Exhibit 1: “LoOKiNG StrONg jOHn!”

Like seriously? Bucky’s the pettiest bitch, nobody can tell me otherwise.

You and Sam would definitely find it amusing how Bucky doesn’t trust Redwing.

Obviously, you all despise John Walker. Just the thought of him left a bad taste in your mouth.

He was like a fly that you all couldn’t get rid of. But because you were all painfully patient people—mostly you and Sam—you had to deal with his bullshit despite the way he annoyed you all.

Totally loosing your shit when Bucky helps Zemo break himself out of prison.

“Please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.” You groaned, fingers pinching the bridge of your nose together.

Bucky looks at you with feign innocence; his mouth agape and puppy eyes. “I—didn’t do...anything(?).”

“You helped Zemo break out of prison didn’t you?” You crossed your arms at him, hip jutting out. As if on cue, Sokovian sugar daddy walks into the abandoned garage you were all in.

Before you can explode on him, Bucky tried to calm you down, “Wait, I technically didn’t do anything though! It was his plan!”

Zemo definitely lives up to being the ✨Sokovian Sugar Daddy✨ of your dysfunctional group.

I think you’d all be surprised at how rich he was. The amount of connections he had wasn’t that big of a shocker.

No like seriously, homie was pulling all sorts of shit out his ass; cars, private planes, houses in different countries, etc.

You all had a love hate relationship with Zemo. On days when he was actually helpful, you all got a long. On the days when things got horribly messy, Zemo couldn’t even let a word out since Sam would tell him to “shut up”.

Though that still doesn’t excuse the fact that he got the Avengers to spilt up and go against each other.

When you guys are all hiding out in one of Zemo’s apartments or homes, you would probably cook breakfast, lunch, or dinner for everyone.

They actually loved it when you cooked because it made the atmosphere feel a bit homey and calm compared to the current situation you were all in.

You were the person they can all go to. You were easy to talk to, making it easier for them to open up to you.

You always checked in on them mentally and physically. For example, you knew Sam felt guilty about giving up the shield, but Bucky never made him forget about his choice. You were there to reassure him that he thought he was doing the right thing and didn’t know the hidden agenda of the government.

You were like their on the go therapist, babysitter, and partner.

Sometimes Bucky and Sam would even argue for your attention.

“Can you stop hogging (y/n) please? Her ears might fall off from hearing you yap all day.” Bucky said as he gently took your arm and dragged you away from Sam.

“You literally spent the whole day with her yesterday, you’re the one who needs to stop hogging (y/n).” Sam argued, grabbing onto your other arm.

“I didn’t get to spend time with (y/n).” Zemo mentioned from his seat in the kitchen, a glass of whisky in his hand. Bucky simply turned to him and pointed, “NO!”

Honestly what’s a friendship with Bucky and Sam without some harmless flirting. They weren’t gonna lie, you were gorgeous, the most attractive one out of the group.

When you guys had to go undercover at Madripoor, both times with Zemo and Sharon, you had to wear dresses that were a bit revealing. Maybe your chest was a bit shown, but the dress definitely showed off your legs.

“So what do you guys think?” You stopped at the bottom of the stairs of Sharon’s apartment, doing a little spin to show off your outfit.

Both Bucky and Sam’s jaws drop, Zemo probably nodding in approval in the corner.

You can’t forget about the nicknames: maybe doll, sweetheart, or darlin’ from Bucky and the typical Louisiana Cher from Sammy.

While fighting against the Flag Smashers or anyone in general, you guys always had each other’s back.

You could directly be fighting someone, but you’ll naturally have an eye on Sam and Bucky to make sure nobody was sneaking up on them.

It’s a given that you all patch each other up after some fight.

You were all very protective of each other. If there’s one thing Sam and Bucky can agree on, it’s their instinct to protect you.

Like how you kept an eye on them, they also kept their eyes on you. Even though they knew you could hold your own.

“Could you walk?” Sam asked you as you laid on the concrete floor. You were double teamed by a couple of Flag Smashers. Two super soldiers against a normal person, you totally got your ass handed to you.

You pushed yourself up to rest on your elbows, “I’m fine, just got dropped kicked twice, but I’ll be fine.”

Sam smiled at you, “That’s my girl.”

Though the two can be a handful and argue almost every minute, you loved the both of them tremendously. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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[getosboobies]

reasons i think matchablossom is or has been canon!

once again, i have become overly obsessive and have throughly analysed each and every kaoru & kojiro scene that we currently have. i indulged and created my own list of “ are they besties or are they banging or both “ but i have decided to share it all with you :))

( keep in mind, i’m a reacher and these are just my interpretations. i will go to any extent to prove myself correct - no matter how unlikely )

so first of all, we have the fact cherry is the only one we have yet to see at joe’s restaurant after hours. this immediately shows that they are extremely comfortable with each other and spend a lot of time together even when they’re not skating. it also potentially suggests cherry is waiting for joe to go home, maybe a habit they’ve developed over time. before these scenes, the producers always show an image of the restaurants front door which states closed. by showing this frame, it obviously gives the impression it’s important for us to know that it is closed and therefore showings us that joe and cherry’s relationship is more than just some rivalry banta and that they have an established friendship built on trust and time. the creators could have just not shown that it was closed and had us assume that’s they were just good friends who spent time together but they went a whole step further and showed us these two men’s personal lives are somewhat intertwined with one another, showing us that they don’t have large boundaries for each other which would be considered strange in contrast to the “ arguing “ we had previously seen between them. if this isn’t enough for you, in these scenes we also see joes uniform unbuttoned so i take this as even more evidence of how comfortable they are around each other. also ! restaurants tend to close quite late ( avg. 8pm-12pm ) and on all the shots of the closed door, it has been dark outside. why wouldn’t cherry be home at this time settling down or something??? or maybe cherry has a lot of love for joe if he’s willing to wait that long for him to finish work... just sayin’. more on this, i analysed the restaurants design and noticed that the plug in the wall is really low down to the ground. maybe this is just one of joes odd design techniques or maybe it was specifically placed for cherry to charge carla, the concept of which, makes me very happy

keeping on the point of joe’s restaurant, whenever we have seen cherry inside he always sits right in front of the kitchen, this is pretty normal unless you think about 1) how much time he spends there 2) how busy restaurants get 3) he came there while he was with a colleague. we’ve already seen that cherry doesn’t mind coming after hours so why did he come during the day if he knew joe would be busy? this is similar to the fact he came in with his colleague in episode 2 - he obviously wasn’t expecting to be able to talk with joe while he was out for a work meal, so why on earth would he sit right in front of where joe would be, which is situated in a considerably inconvenient table for work meal? what i’ve interpreted from this is that cherry’s must enjoy being in joes presence. cherry canonically having anxiety would explain why he likes being close to someone who he knows well, and that cares for him. being able to see and hear joe so close is perhaps very relaxing for cherry.

now when i watched sk8 for the first time, i gather the impression that joe was a forgive and forget kinda guy when it came to someone who did him wrong. when we’re introduced to adam it’s evident there is some hostility within joe but this does not nearly compare to the anger cherry showed. when suggesting a beef their intentions seem to be completely different. cherry outrightly admitting to his grudge and anger for adam whereas joe seems to just want to prove a point to adam by winning against him ( i mean look at the image above, their facial expressions show it all ). but i noticed that as cherry would speak about adam, joe’s intentions slowly shifted and became far more serious and full of anger. “ there’s someone i’d like to punch “ is a sentence said by joe in episode 8. this is quite different to what we had seen in earlier episodes of him just wanting to make a point. i think this shift was predominantly when joe found cherry at the ocean view. joe knew how cherry was feeling towards adam BEFORE this scene because he knew where to find him, but the realisation that cherry was standing there, alone, and reliving some of his saddest memories probably hit joe that cherry couldn’t do this alone. therefore stepped up his game and met cherry’s loathing so they could do it together. as far as things go, this is one of the most important things they have done for each other because it shows clearly how devoted they are to each other.

this is one of the most confusing lines in this show thus far. i’m sure it’ll make sense in the oncoming episodes but i have come to two conclusions. so either adam has created this false reality of what happened and has told himself his evil ways stemmed from joe and cherry or, the more likely in my opinion, adam always felt like he was in need of a partner, a rival but also someone to love. this is displayed in the show in his predatory ways, aka, he wants his own ‘eve’. now there’s no ruling whatsoever that a skater needs any sort of dedicated rival, or skate partner, so i believe adam probably got this want from his peers, for example, joe and cherry. adam seems to believe you need to love your ‘eve’ and it gives me the idea that maybe he saw joe and cherry -in love- and decided that was what he wanted, but then as we know he went about it in an extremely toxic way. the “was it so“ was really hard to interpret, he’s clearly quite smug by the way he shrugs and smiles and shows that he’s very confident about what he’s saying but the question is short and leaves a lot unknown, which suggests why cherry and joe don’t respond. either they are as confused as i am, or they have a slight idea what adam could be suggesting and they feel guilty. we all know cherry and joe aren’t bad hearted people but as adam is insinuating ‘no, you guys parted ways from me first’ it could suggest that joe and cherry had perhaps become closer in high school and had developed a stronger bond than they had with adam and this left adam feeling lost and alone. this is more of a canon compliant headcanon that would make sense rather than a fact but it’s certainly something to think about.

one of the most obvious factors in their relationship is how they always know what the other is thinking or planning. we’ve seen in recent episodes that when cherry was racing, joe knew exactly what his motive was even without discussing it, thats enough information to show how well they truly know each other and how connected they really are. it’s also shown with cherry. when joe is racing, and is going extremely fast towards the corner, we see a frame of miya and shadow being worried for him, but then it shifts to cherry watching and there’s not a spec of worry on his face because he KNOWS what joe is planning and knows he will be fine. they know each other’s techniques better than anyone and it shows they don’t doubt each other’s choices one bit.

we learn right from the beginning that cherry and joe like to argue and fight, at first we think this is because they dislike each other but we learn that they are best friends. so when watching back you notice that none of the insults are ever actually insulting. let’s think about it, the most common insults they use are gorilla, dimwit and four-eyes. now to me, none of these actually seem insulting whatsoever and even if they do like to argue a lot it’s obvious they never ever mean any harm to one another.

from analysing the scenes one of the things i’ve noticed the most is how cherry and joe turn up and leave together. when the cops came during the langa x adam skate they both started to run off together leaving everyone else behind. as we know, they spend a lot of their personal lives together but leaving and turning up together every single time we’ve see them there seems like they’re a bit more attached than i originally thought. there’s a chance they meet before hand but why always that late at night? why aren’t they ever at home alone? unless...they live together. i mean it’s a perfectly valid suspicion right now as we’ve never seen either of their homes and we’ve never seen either of them turn up anywhere alone but either way it confirms they spend an awful lot of time together in general life. going back to my original point of them not only turning up and leaving together but they also never leave each other’s sides. there’s a heap of frames that you can see them standing together watching a beef or even just them talking. they’re literally attached at the hip and nothing makes me happier.

the creators of the show have made countless points to show that joe and cherry have a lot of history. from the school references to the fact they have TRAVELLED THE WORLD TOGETHER. they could have just shown one or two so we know that as a general fact they’ve known each other a long time but they bring it up an awful lot for it to be just a general fact. this being shown so much let’s us know that this is important information and that they’ve obviously wanting to lay down a foundation to bring something crucial up. so far they have mentioned their social studies trip, a school excursion, joes love for haunted houses, holiday to La and the Paris bar they went to. now you might be thinking, oh they were in the same school they probably just went on a trip together nothing confirms they were close, well i am here to prove that statement false. joe said he found cherry’s wallet, this not only shows that joe was close to cherry when he lost it but also that he knew where to find it, showing how well he knew cherry. another point is that legal age to drink in Paris is 18 so unless they had fake ID it’s safe to say this is a trip they’ve done since becoming adults and leaving school. it’s also canon that have gone together, so the fact they’ve been travelling as adults together is quite interesting. same with the restaurant in LA, sounds kinda like a date.

over the course of the episodes we’ve seen so far there has been a few comments they have made to each other that suggest a little bit of jealousy. for cherry, these comments are made in episode 6 in the hot spring. cherry brings up joes love for haunted houses and then joe agrees and says it’s because “chicks get scared and grab onto me” * with a smirk *. now what’s interesting about this is cherry’s response. “you really are a scumbag” this insult feels a lot more insulting than usual and the response itself surprised me. at this moment cherry looks away from joe which is an action people tend to do when they’re hurt or pissed off. either works in this scenario but neither make much sense as we know cherry’s already aware of joes status with girls. so why was he mad? well this was obviously a fond memory of cherry’s and joe replying with a statement about girls probably made him a bit angry because that was supposed to be their memory. but joes smirk with the comment makes me rethink, did he state that on purpose to make cherry jealous? obviously we can’t be sure but the entire encounter left me a bit confused. now onto joes jealousy, in episode 2 dub joe says “dude, you’re talking to a machine?” now in context this seems like joe is partially bewildered by the fact cherry is casually talking to his AI skateboard but he also seems slightly jealous that cherry is talking to carla instead of talking to him. this is one of the only scenes where joes facial expressions actually seem insulted rather than just having a bit of fun. he follows this up with “figured you’d give your board a girls name seeing as you can’t get a real one!” why can’t he get a real one? we hear tonnes of girls screaming compliments at cherry when he turns up so he definitely could get a girlfriend if he wanted, and joe no doubt knows this too, so why would he use it as an insult? i’m not sure what to make of this but it’s got to be a factor somewhere.

more on the haunted mansion chit chat, the line about chicks grabbing onto joe is quite funny when you look at the entire scene, because as soon as they get jumped they grabbed onto each other in fear. seems a little ironic if i do say so myself.

they both seem very secluded about their personal lives. cherry more specifically does not like the use of his skate name in his personal life or vice versa. joe is the only one we have seen to be aware or use cherry’s real name. the way joe slips up and calls cherry ‘kaoru’ at “S” shows how close they are and how much time they spend together to be able to accidentally mix up the two parts of their lives. this is just an extra point on how conjoined their lives must really be. in the photo above we see how cherry easily calms joe down when he starts to get annoyed. joe is the only one who knows fully about cherry’s life as emotions and cherry is the same for joe.

now one of the most heart wrenching matcha blossom scenes is when joe finds cherry at the ocean view. i have a lot to say about this so let’s start at the beginning. first of all, joe noticed cherry was missing. it’s not like cherry was there for a massive amount of time, so joe noticing that cherry was gone for even as much as an hour or two really says a lot about the placement they have in each other’s lives. there was really no reason for joe to worry about where cherry was considering they’re grown adults but he continued to go out and find him anyways. this is also set in the late afternoon judging by the sky, whereas the previous scene had been set at night at “s”, so this is suggesting the ocean view scene is on a completely different normal day for them (another factor showing how much time they spend together). next, the fact joe knew exactly where to find cherry. this truly shows how much they know and how connected they are to each other but also how well they understand the others coping mechanisms. cherry was dwelling on memories from 7 years ago and yet joe still knew exactly what he was doing and what he was thinking about. plus cherry didn’t even seem surprised when joe turns up. but one thing i noticed is that in this scene is the way they (in this case, didn’t) hold eye contact. while cherry is faced away, joe is staring at him but as soon as cherry meets joes eyes, joe turns away. either joe didn’t want to be caught staring or joe realised something crucial in that moment. i’ll let your mind decide what that is.

obviously, miyas comment about joe and cherry being his parents is a light hearted joke just to ruin joes chances of flirting with girls but it also implies that the group can tell that joe and cherry are respectively closer than anyone originally thought and they perhaps have caught on that the tension between them is a little bit too gay to be just a bit of banta. obviously in this scene we then see joe looking at cherry’s legs while a blush clearly intensifies on his face. yeah no, this is self explanatory.

one of the things i like about joe and cherry’s relationship is the fact that within that joe also has a somewhat dynamic with carla. although carla is non-living, there has been several interactions between them. for example the beginning of episode 6 on the boat joe recognises carlas voice immediately. i mean straight off i think it’s suspicious as hell that they all happened to be going there at the same time but the fact joe realised cherry must be there because of the sound of an AI skateboard? that’s impressive. also, at the beginning of the series carla is aware of who joe is when calling joe an imbecile, this shows that cherry has obviously had this modified to specifically refer to joe as joe rather than just refer to him as a general person.

there was a popular tiktok i saw the other day (if anyone has the username of the person please tell me so i can credit them!!) and it showed the two images above. in these photos it shows joes skateboard and his odd looking wheels. the creator of this video further analysed that these reflect the general outlook of a cherry blossom flower. though the actual wheels in real life don’t look as similar to a flower as they do in the show. but now if this is what they’re meant to look like, this is a really sentimental fact and shows how highly joe thinks of cherry in his skating career. but what about his personal life? well that’s where my analysing comes in. i noticed in the dessert joe makes in episode 5 he had a range of fruits displayed on the top as well as a single flower. this flower looks identical to a cherry blossom. once again the reflection of cherry within joes life makes an appearance. we’ve seen that flowers actually mean something in this show (toxic example but adam’s red roses for langa) so it would make sense for this to actually mean something about their relationship. i studied a range of Japanese desserts and, although every chef works differently, most of the dishes tend to only have a display of fruits and no flowers. so i have come to the conclusion that this dish certainly had some symbolism to cherry in joes life, some way or another.

so overall, their dynamic already shows that they have a very thin and mistakable line between very close best friends and potential lovers. although some of this was based off personal interpretation the majority is cinematic displays and general facts. so take this and use it however you like. let me know your opinions and other factors you have! for all i know i could be completely disproven with the next few episodes but surely if this many people see a bit more than just a friendship there’s got to be a reason for it.

if we can have one lgbt+ character... why not two more?

[hangovercurse]

Until You Fall Asleep

After moving in with the crew to help cure your quarantine boredom, you find a new way to deal with your insomnia.

Request: “Could you please do a Colson fanfic where you're a friend of the gang and you move into their house for quarantine so you're not alone. Colson finds out you have terrible insomnia and starts staying up to keep you company and you gradually start sleeping in his bed because it's the only place you seem to actually sleep. You start to get really close through these late night chats, watching films, sharing stuff and opening up to each other... Friendship starts to develop into something else. I need some fluff to see me through these sleepless nights! 🙏😘 Thanks!”

Colson X Reader

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3487

Living with your best friends during a nationwide quarantine seemed like a good idea when you agreed to it, but after the 5th night of wandering the huge house late at night because you couldn’t sleep, you were starting to think you should’ve stayed where you were. At least at your own place, you didn’t have to worry about sneaking around so as not to wake anyone up.

Luckily, no one seemed to notice that you woke up earlier than everyone else in the house or went to sleep later. Or if they did, no one said anything.

Day five

Tonight hadn’t been going so well. You had tried showering, you hadn’t eaten for at least a few hours before trying to sleep, you turned your lavender diffuser on, you’d even tried yoga. Nothing helped, and you were left staring at your ceiling.

Frustrated and uncomfortable, you rolled out of your bed, sock clad feet pattering across your room and slowly pulling your door open. You made your way through the house and out to the pool, letting the cool night air wash over you. A deep breath fell from your lips as you began to pace around the deck, hoping to tire yourself out enough to sleep.

After a few minutes, you heard the sliding glass door open, looking up and finding Colson stepping out with a blunt in his hand. He smiled tiredly at you, “you’re up early.”

You raised an eyebrow, “what time is it?” You figured it was 4, maybe 5 am.

“Almost 7,” he looked concerned, “you okay?”

You were trying to figure out how you managed to stay up until 7 am without a wink of sleep, “yeah, just couldn’t sleep. It’s cool though. Why are you up?”

Colson lit the blunt as he spoke, “couldn’t sleep either.”

Day eight

You found yourself curled up on the couch, reading a book at 5:30 in the morning after hours of trying to fall asleep. You swore if you stayed in your room a second longer, you’d break something, so you snuck out to the TV room with the most boring book you could find.

“Do you ever sleep?” Colson’s voice surprised you, making you jump lightly in your seat. The man chuckled at your reaction, taking a seat next to you.

You pouted at his glee, “I could ask you the same thing.”

He shrugged, “sleep is for the weak.”

A sarcastic chuckle fell from your lips, “oh yeah, I feel so strong and cool right now.”

The man laughed with you, but soon turned serious, “serious though, are you good? Both nights this week I haven’t slept you’ve been awake, and I know you don’t take naps.”

You sighed, “it’s just insomnia, I’ve been dealing with it on and off for a couple years now. It’s not a big deal.”

He cocked his head in curiosity and worry, “how much sleep have you been getting?”

You ducked your head in embarrassment, “I slept for an hour at like 3, hopefully I’ll fall asleep again at some point tonight.”

Colson frowned, “can I help at all?”

A small smile fell upon your face, “sometimes talking helps, but honestly not much else. It’s not that big of a problem, though. I’ve been dealing with this for a while, I’m used to it.”

He looked shocked, “dude, you sleep for a few hours every night! That’s a problem. I don’t even know how you’re still alive.”

“Like you’ve never gone a couple days in a row without sleeping,” you said sarcastically.

“No! I go to sleep late as fuck, but I sleep eventually most nights. You’re on a whole different level.” His tone was slightly defensive, if not concerned, “do I need to get you some pills or something? I can do that.”

Your eyes went wide, “Jesus, Kells, no. I have enough to deal with, I don’t need another addiction on my hands too.”

He chuckled, “I’m just saying it might help. I’m assuming weed does nothing?”

You sighed sadly, “it did for a while, but I think my body got used to it. I just have to wait it out until I inevitably pass out.”

“Well, guess I’ll just bother you until you fall asleep.” He relaxed further into the couch, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

“Colson, you really don’t have to-“

“You won’t let me get you drugs, so I’m gonna stay up with you. It’s the least I can do.” He smiled widely, knowing he would get his way.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that, right?”

Day Twelve

“You think that Captain America has the best character arc? Seriously?”

Your nightly chats with Colson had moved into his room after Baze was woken up by Colson’s loud laughter during a conversation about what type of dogs you’d both be. So, you were sat cross legged on his bed, facing each other in deep conversation.

The man tried to defend his stance to you, “okay, I know everyone loves Tony’s whole asshole to hero thing, but Captain America went from this goody two shoes to this badass criminal and he still got the girl in the end.”

You shook your head, “you’re just wrong in every way. I’m not even saying Iron Man had a better story, but literally every other character developed more than Steve. He wasn’t that badass in the end, and the fact that he went back to get the girl just proves he never really changed all that much. He was static.”

“So, you’re telling me, if we watched every single movie with Captain America in it, you wouldn’t be entertained?” He crossed his arms and leaned backwards, eyeing you challengingly.

You scoffed, “the movies are fine, I just think that Marvel has produced better superheroes with better plotlines.”

“New plan, we’re going to watch every marvel movie in order and then you can tell me that I’m right.” He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV across from his bed.

Rolling your eyes, you moved back to lean against the headrest, legs spread out in front of you, “you’re not right, but I’ll watch them just to see the look on your face when you realize you’re wrong.”

Colson flopped down on the bed next to you, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you so that you were leaning into his side. A yawn escaped his mouth, “if you get tired, let me know.”

You giggled, “I’m always tired, I just can’t sleep. I won’t get offended if you fall asleep though.”

He pulled a face, “I’m not falling asleep.”

About an hour into the movie the slow rise and fall of his chest indicated differently. You chuckled to yourself once you realized he had fallen asleep, turning further into his chest, and allowing yourself to get more comfortable.

Somewhere between 4 and 5 am, you found your eyes finally closing of their own accord, unconsciousness washing over you.

Day 17

Since starting your marvel movie binges with Colson, you’d found yourself getting more sleep. You couldn’t tell if it was from the movies or from Colson, but either way something seemed to be working.

Tonight, however, even your new routine wouldn’t lull you to sleep. You tried every breathing exercise in the book, but nothing seemed to work. Colson had fallen asleep a while ago, his arm wrapped around you as per usual, so you couldn’t talk yourself to sleep.

So, you decided to take a stroll around the house, hoping the small form of physical activity would help. But in order to get out of bed, you would have to find a way out of Colson’s embrace without waking him up.

You slowly and gently grabbed his hand and removed it from your side, laying it on the bed next to you. Then, you sat up slowly, only to be pulled back into his chest, “where’re you going?”

His voice was deep and gravelly, sleepiness very evident. You responded with a whispered, “I can’t sleep, was gonna go walk around.”

He pulled you in closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crown of your head, “but you’re so warm.”

You chuckled, cuddling into the man, “fine, I’ll stay.” You tried to close your eyes and find sleep, but again, none came. Sighing, you accepted that you would be stuck in your current position, realizing there were worse things than being wrapped up in a beautiful boy’s arms.

Day 25

“I know aliens probably exist, but do you think they’d ever take one of us to study?”

Colson chuckled at your question, “like a human in general or, like, you and me?”

“Like you or me. Do you think we’re important enough to be studied?”

He squeezed your waist, “I think you are in desperate need of sleep.”

Laughing, you responded, “I’m serious! And I have been sleeping, thank you very much.”

“Okay, fine. I think if aliens ever came to Earth, they’d probably be more interested in, like, genius billionaires or really dumb people, like people from Florida.”

You slapped his arm, “don’t be mean to Florida.”

You could feel the vibrations from his laughter, making you giggle. “Fine, but my point is they wouldn’t be interested in us unless they’re really into music.”

“Darn,” you huffed.

He raised an eyebrow at you, “you want aliens to take you and study you?”

Balancing yourself on his chest, you lifted yourself up to look down at him, “yes! That would be so fucking cool.”

He shook his head with a laugh, “you’re crazy.”

“Think about it, who else would be able to say they got studied by aliens. And then you’d know that you were important to someone, even if it is just alien scientists.”

Rolling his eyes, Colson pulled you back down into him, your hands still resting on his chest, “I don’t need aliens to know I’m important.”

“Well not all of us can be ubertalented rock stars with millions of fans,” you joked, a teasing smile on your face.

You glanced up to find his eyes trained on you, holding a softer look in them than you had expected, “I didn’t mean that.”

It took a few moments for his words to get processed by your brain, but you immediately dismissed the thought that he could be talking about you specifically. More than likely he was referencing his family in general, which you could be included in.

Day 31

To celebrate a full month in quarantine, the guys had decided to throw an in-house only party, which just meant that everyone had an excuse to drink together more than normal. You were staying mostly sober, knowing that otherwise the boys would most likely break something, most likely themselves.

You watched from your place on the kitchen counter as Rook, Baze, Slim, Dre, Irv, Dub, and Colson played a round of King’s cup.

“Y/N, you have to drink,” Rook called from across the room, “it’s a six.”

“If there’s no women playing then you just skip that card, Rookie.” You called but took a sip from your cup anyways.

Colson whined, “this is boring.” You chuckled as he moved away from the table to come stand by you, the rest of the guys continuing without him. He leaned against the counter next to your dangling leg, letting you run your fingers through his blond hair, “parties are boring now, Y/N.”

You could tell that he was gone, the alcohol having almost full control of him. “When we get out of quarantine, we’ll throw the biggest party ever, Kells,” you said, letting your hand fall to rest on his shoulder. The man grasped your hand in his and moved it back up to the top of his head, silently begging for you to continue. He turned into a cat, practically purring as he leaned into you, “hey, Kells, you tired?”

He shook his head, “no, ‘m gonna stay up with you, remember?”

You laughed softly, “it’s okay, Kells. You should get some sleep; I’ll be okay for a night.”

His arms wrapped around your middle, head burying into your stomach, “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

“You gotta let me off this counter for that.” This was a side of Colson you rarely saw; the drunk, very cuddly version of Colson. Occasionally he’d cling on to you when he got really tired, but that was in the privacy of his room. Here he was hanging onto you in front of all his friends, though granted they were too drunk to notice anything unusual.

You hopped off the counter, taking on some of Colson’s body weight in order to get him up the stairs and to his room. Truthfully, you planned to leave him in his bed once you got him there, but he had other plans. As soon as you moved to walk away from the bed, he grabbed your arm sleepily, “why are you leaving?”

Running a hand along his jaw softly, you softly said, “I’m gonna go to my room.”

He whined, “you never sleep in your room, stay.”

You bit your lip, unsure how to respond to that, “Kells, you’re drunk, you need some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep without you.” His eyes were glazed over, making his pleading look even more appealing than normal.

Sighing, you muttered, “yes, you can. I’ll be right down the hall,” but he wasn’t taking no for an answer, hand still firmly around your wrist.

“No.”

You rolled your eyes, climbing into the bed next to him, “I’m only doing this because you need to go to sleep.” He hummed in response to that, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly into him, leaving no room for you to escape even if you tried.

Day 37

Nights with Colson had slowly turned into every moment with Colson. You woke up together, ate breakfast together, spent time together. You were rarely separated for long, not that either of you minded.

At some point, the line between friends and whatever lied next had gotten blurred, but not fully crossed. You and Colson were touchy and cuddly during the day as well as at night, and everyone in the house was starting to notice it.

Part of you just wanted to kiss him and see what happened, but you knew messing with a situation like this could go very wrong very fast. So, you just left it up to him to figure out where this thing would go, knowing he probably wouldn’t make the first move either.

But as you laid in his arms, listening to his midnight ramblings, you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if you took matters into your own hands. You watched his lips move as he spoke, wanting nothing more than to lean up and press your own against them. Of course, you would never actually do it, but it was nice to dream.

There was a lull in the conversation which was spent with your eyes dancing across each other’s face, trying to figure out what to say next. Suddenly, he blurted out, “can I get your advice on something?”

You nodded in response, a soft smile on your face. He continued, “this sounds so stupid, but there’s this girl I’ve been talking to recently and I can’t figure out if she ‘s into me or we’re just really good friends.”

You sat up slightly, perking an eyebrow up, “well what signs has she given you that she’s into you?” Your heart burned, hoping he was talking about you. It was a feeling that had been happening a lot recently whenever you were around him, which was almost all the time.

He sighed, “I mean, we talk like, all the time about everything. And I think she flirts with me, but I’m not completely sure if she’s flirting or she’s just being friendly.”

“Well, what signs say that she’s not into you?” You ask, biting your lip to hide the grin forming on your face.

Colson hesitated, “I mean, none, really. I’m just scared of messing up our friendship, you know?”

You nodded, “well, you’ll never know if you never ask her. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

He was quiet for a long time, clearly turning the advice over in his head, “I would but, with quarantine and everything, I just don’t think it’s the right time. We wouldn’t be able to actually, you know.”

Your heart fell, realizing that there was no possible way he was talking about you. It felt like every bone in your body turned to Jell-o at the realization, a lump forming in your throat. “Right, well, maybe you could invite her over to the house. Or do a cute facetime date or something.”

He nodded but stayed quiet. You fully sat up, swinging your legs off the bed. “Where are you going?” he asked softly.

Something inside of you was slowly crumbling, and you needed to get yourself out of his presence as soon as possible, “I just need to take a walk, I don’t think I’m tired enough to get any form of sleep.”

Colson let out a small “oh,” as you stood up and swiftly left the room, tears forming in your eyes.

You felt silly for letting yourself fall so easily and for thinking that he might have felt the same way. But you could’ve sworn there was something forming between you two.

And how had you never heard of this new girl? How long had that been going on?

So many thoughts swirled around in your head as you made your way downstairs and out to the empty pool deck, pacing the familiar space. You tried to convince yourself that your feelings weren’t as strong as they actually were so that this could somehow be easier, but you knew it wouldn’t work.

The sound of the door sliding open caught your attention, your eyes meeting those all too familiar blue ones. “You okay?” he asked, leaning against the wall of the house. You flashed him a fake smile with a nod. “This doesn’t have anything to do with what I just-”

“No, no,” you cut him off, “I’m just restless right now, needed to get some energy out.”

He nodded, watching you cautiously, “I’m actually super tired, so I’m gonna get some sleep. I’ll see you in a few?”

You nodded, knowing full well you had no intention of getting back into his bed, “yeah, goodnight.” You turned your head to the ground, studying the cement below your feet.

The door opened and shut, but when you looked back up, Colson was still standing outside, watching you. “I don’t know why I said that. There isn’t a girl in quarantine. Well, I mean, there is, but we wouldn’t not be able to see each other.”

Your head was spinning, trying to make sense of whatever he was saying. He kept talking, “I got nervous and chickened out and then you left and I felt like an idiot.” You looked up to him, confusion evident on your face as he continued on the borderline of rambling, “so I’m just gonna throw this out there and whatever happens, happens.”

You stared at him blankly, not fully processing his words or what was happening.

“Would you wanna go on a date with me? Or, like, whatever kind of date we can pull off here?”

Your eyes went wide in shock, the rollercoaster you had just been on emotionally twisting your mind. You didn’t speak for a few moments, making Colson nervous, but you finally got out a stuttered, “yes.”

He sighed in relief, “god I feel like such a teenager right now.”

You came back to your senses, narrowing your eyes at him, “do you realize the emotional turmoil you just put me through? I feel like I’m crazy!”

He chuckled, moving towards you, and wrapping his arms around your waist, “I know, I’m an asshole. But it was worth it, right?”

“I was literally rethinking my entire life out here,” you pouted, leaning into his touch.

He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

You rolled your eyes, “look who’s all Mr. confident now.”

The vibrations of his laugh shook your own body, “well, you said yes. This would be a completely different story if you had said no. Then I would be the one rethinking my entire life.”

You smirked teasingly, “I could always change my mind.”

He shook his head with a chuckle, “shut up.” His lips met yours, one hand reaching up to softly hold your jaw. You melted into the kiss, your arms moving to wrap around his neck loosely.

You pulled away slowly, a smile spread on your face, “this almost makes not being able to sleep worth it.”

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