#paws at the blog pathetically... i must know more... but i do not want to see them all in agony... oh no

[digging-for-answers]

"..." They watch the two in a mildly concerned silence, but then Brun speaks up. "Well, then perhaps we should stay here for now. Ah... Do you think the yellow one will be alright?-" Wincing at the violence and shrieking for a brief moment. ... He sits down right on the spot, clasping his paws together. "Is ah, your Black normally like this?"

yes x'm alright. sweeps hair. x'm totally okay and normal

and Saves? well he's someone from Jonathan's universe, he's pretty cool and- actually lemmx just.

insert rummaging sound effect

TADAAAAA!!!11!

(CACKLING AS X SEND THIS no hahaha x didnt steal him from Black wdym /silly)

"AHAHH- WHERE WERE YOU HIDING HIM?-" Brun has completely given up on trying to expect anything normal from this experience. He manages to grab and (gently) set Saves down. "You don't just do that to people! That is-... That is incredibly impolite!" Turning to Saves, probably almost as disoriented as he is. "Are you quite alright?"

[flower-demise]

⋆⁺ 𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔞 𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔱 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯| 𝖐𝖙𝖍 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

They say that when you are looking at the stars, you’re actually looking into the past. Many of the stars we see at night have already faded away.

And yet I found you

A bts au inspired by hotarubi no Mori e, howl's moving castle and stories without a linear concept of time

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚⁺˚

✦𝕻𝖆𝖎𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌 : 𝔗𝔞𝔢𝔥𝔶𝔲𝔫𝔤 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯, 𝔜𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔦 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯

✦𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖗𝖊 : 𝔉𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔶𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔢 𝔞𝔲 ,𝔞𝔫𝔤𝔰𝔱, 𝔥𝔲𝔯𝔱/𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱, 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔲𝔞𝔩 𝔯𝔬𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢

✦𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 : 𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔶 𝔪𝔞𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢, 𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔩 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔲𝔢𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔯𝔢𝔣𝔢𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔡/𝔦𝔪𝔭𝔩𝔦𝔢𝔡 𝔰𝔲𝔦𝔠𝔦𝔡𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔰.

✦𝕬/𝖓: 𝔗𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔱𝔞𝔦𝔫𝔰 𝔞 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔡 𝔬𝔣 𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔶/𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔬𝔯 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔰𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔢.

𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊 | 𝖈𝖍.1 | 𝖈𝖍.2 | 𝖈𝖍.3 | 𝖈𝖍.4 | 𝖈𝖍.5 | 𝖈𝖍.6| 𝖆𝖔3

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚⁺˚

Chapter 1: In the heart of the labyrinth, he waits..

‘I had the same dream last night’ you exclaimed with a pout on your face as your grandma prepared the tea to start of the day.

It was almost autumn now and the chill in the air sparked an excitement deep within you, soon you’d be able to see all the orange leaves decorating the trees. But even that didn’t lift your moods today. It didn’t help the fact that she took her time making it and that her only response was to smile kindly to you and simply say:

‘Again?’ ‘Oh dear please remind me’

‘Grandma!’ you exclaimed betrayed and she laughed at your overreaction. ‘You never listen to me when I tell you’ you fake cried but she simply hummed a quiet lullaby. She was too used to your morning temper, there was a reason she made the tea after all.

‘Here’ she said finally and filled the cup in front of you with a steaming light red liquid as she did with her own. Then she took the seat opposite to you and after taking a long inhale of the fragrance of the tea she said:

‘There now, I’m all ears’

‘Finally’ you mumbled and you mirrored her, taking a sip. Your eyes lit up immediately and she laughed at your reaction.

‘When did you gather the flowers?’ you asked, a new excitement settling in you.  

‘Oh, I went early in the morning, the summer is ending and I thought I’d pick my favorite grandchild’s flowers to make tea before she leaves’

‘I’m your only grandchild’ you mumbled again but felt grateful. This scent and this warmth between your hands was what autumn felt like to you. Another sip and the realization that you didn’t want to leave settled in.  

You were twelve now and you would have to go to a new school in a couple days, the thought only made you want to stay here with her more. Here, in the quietness of her cottage next to the sea and the meadows. Here, with the lullabies and the warm milk and the clear night skies. The world outside of this appeared as a scary place.  

‘Tell me about your dream dear’ she reminded you, maybe even to distract you.

‘Oh right’ another sip ‘I saw that boy again, the one with the mint hair’

‘Oh, your boyfriend’

The look you shot her made her laugh out loud once again.

‘Anyway’ you continued’ it was a sunny day and he was laying on the field. But he was frozen, I called his name a couple of times but he didn’t turn around’

Your grandma’s gaze shifted at that but you didn’t notice.

‘I was very worried only then I noticed how flowers were growing around him, almost covering him like a blanket. It felt..weird’

‘Weird how?’

You looked at her, sipping her tea untroubled.

‘Ah well..the worry left when I saw the flowers and I became sad but also hopeful. I don’t know how to explain it.’

‘It's not an easy thing to do, trying to explain feelings’  

‘But this isn't about that, it's about the boy.’ you emphasized and she watched amused ‘I knew the boy in my dream, I knew I knew him but now I can't remember how’.

She took another sip.

‘You said you called his name’

That surprised you, was she paying attention to you after all?

‘Did I? Ugh I can't even remember that. Why can't I remember?’

‘It's okay dear one.’ she said and you stopped your frantic motions to listen to her.

She smiled at you.

‘It was just a dream’

‘Yeah, I know’ you admitted halfheartedly.

‘But it was a beautiful dream’.

‘It was?’

‘Of course,’ she said.

‘Well, what does it mean?’

She looked at you for a few seconds and then after making up her mind and taking another sip, her eyes fell on the big clock on the wall behind you.

‘Look at that, it's almost noon. I’ll tell you another time, okay? When you are older.’  

‘Grandma’ you complained but the woman offered a pat in your head and started gathering your cups.

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚⁺˚

(12 years later...)

‘I saw the weirdest dream last night’ you announced as you were preparing for the bookshop’s opening. A strange sense of déjà vu washed over you, like you had had a conversation like this before.  

There were some new arrivals you needed to stack in the shelves and clear the way of the little open space left. Your antique bookshop was exactly that, little. Taking the corner of a hidden street, it was a traveler's lucky discovery as some blogs have called it. And you would agree, you wouldn’t call this place mainstream at all, you knew well enough that it didn’t have the latest number one bestsellers although some second hand harry potter ones were laying on the fantasy section. It was basically a mixture of hidden gems of all genres, all of them second hand and some old tarot decks and postcards. That was one of the reasons you liked it this much, it felt like your own little magic shop. You cringed at the childish thought.  

And continued on your work.  

‘I was walking in a dark path.’ you explained as you opened the curtains and the morning sun slipped from the window throughout the wooden floor to the vintage paintings covering the walls.  

‘I knew someone was watching me, following me. I knew they were there but I couldn’t turn around, I just kept walking and walking’ you looked at the titles and hard covers of the new arrivals. Your hand instinctively travelled through them.  

'It felt as if I turned around to face whoever it was, I would be hypnotized, unable to leave’. Your gaze flickered on the title of the largest one with a dark red velvet cover and you knew it would be an instant tourist favorite. The title read: ‘The Story of Orpheus’ and you felt a strange tingle inside you. If you recalled correctly the tale spoke of his descend to the underworld to save his lover, you couldn’t pinpoint though how it ended.  

You ignored the feeling and uncovered more books.  

‘And then I heard my name’ the reminder alone made you shiver. 'But it was a beautiful voice that spoke it, I remember it being beautiful, because that’s why I turned around’.  

‘Very climatic I know, and do you know what happened then?’ you turned around to face your listener’s reaction, only to see your cat lick its paw completely ignoring your rumblings.

‘Please don’t be so invested’ you joked and the cat stopped when it realized you were staring at her.  

‘I woke up’ you signed and the ginger furball walked in front you like it was her runaway, her fluffy tail falling under your chin and tickling you. A small smile appeared on your face.  

‘What if they were my soulmate or something, calling out for me?’ you swear the look she just gave you along with her little growl was one of the ‘don't be such a pathetic bitch’ kind. You shallowed your pride.

‘Yeah, you are right’ you admitted defeated ‘Soulmates aren't real..what a childish notion’.  

A familiar sound pulled you out of your little conversation. You instinctively turned towards the door to greet the new costumer that the bell had announced. Only to find the door closed and the ringing still echoing in your ears.  

‘Am I hearing things?’ you questioned out loud and turned to face the cat, only to see her strangely alarmed, her tail straight up and her attention fixed towards the entrance.

‘The old thing must be broken’ you decided. ‘I don’t even know when grandma last replaced it’ you tried to calm your little friend and you went on to check it for yourself when she growled again, halting you.

‘What’s wrong?’ you questioned, slowly retracting and starting to get creeped out.  

That’s when the music faintly reached your ears, a familiar melody like an echo of a distant place, a forgotten dream.  A sad piano playing from deep in the underworld, you were consumed by its sweet sound. Most of all because you had heard it before. Like a plea to someone, an invitation, one you’ve been waiting for all your life, the sunlight blurred in your side vision and your eyelids became heavier and heavier, surrendering to the delicate notes. Now you could almost follow it, the music would lead you to him.  

Then a loud noise of something falling covered everything, the music vanished into whatever realm it came from and you stared in horror at all the books your cat had scattered all over the floor. You stood there for a couple of seconds trying to center yourself, knowing that the little devil had just gotten you out of whatever state you had slipped into.  

The rest of the day passed uneventful, only a couple of teenagers wearing their school uniforms came by to check the shelves and an old man who was particularly interested in an old edition of a book. Unfortunately, you had to inform him you didn’t possess the said edition and he only mumbled a ‘people these days chose eBooks over hard covers from the beginning of the 20th century ' and left without saying a simple thank you.  

Uneventful entirely.

Your mood was getting lower and lower, you knew it was a weekday so not many costumers would come but still, you were well aware that if you wanted to keep the place running you had to start marketing it somehow. Just because it was your grandma’s shop and it held sentimental value, it didn’t mean it could sustain you. It did what it was supposed to though, reminded you of her.

It didn’t lift your mood either as you were closing now, making sure you locked twice, that you were overly on edge the whole day, jumping from the slightest sound and shadow on the walls. You were a scared cat no surprise there, but even you knew that something odd had happened that morning. Something you were eager to wash away with a hot bath.  

You bid you little neighbor farewell for the night, making sure her bowl was full before you took your way home. But the night was beautiful and the air not overly chilly so you took your time exploring the rest of the antique shops that covered your street. You were in a very particular mood, under the full moon, walking the pattern lid streets and spotting all sort of odd objects in the shop windows, you felt like you had entered a fairytale.  

You stopped in front of the old bakery that you used to get those chocolate biscuits you loved when you were a kid and even though it had closed long now, you swore you could smell the fresh baked goods under this moon. You passed a few people covered with their scarves and bennies signaling that winter was almost here taking autumn’s place, and made-up stories about where they were going and who they were.  

Lost in your imagination you didn’t realize you had found yourself on a street you’d never been before. You saw the slate engraved with the words ‘Acheron'. You hadn't even heard of this street. But it was so beautifully lit under the dim lights you were eager to find where it led. You were so excited in fact that you didn’t notice when the music started, it had come naturally like the first snow, fully fitting the environment around you. And so, when you turned on the corner and started walking down a circular staircase you didn’t question it at all.  

Like an enchanted mouse you obeyed the hand who hovered melancholically over the keys of an old piano.  He played them so skillfully, like he had done a hundred times, not missing a single note and you couldn’t help but be moved by him, quite literally.  

The ground from below your feet changed from the stony road to a heavy carpet and when you looked up again you found a long corridor staring back at you. It extended as far as your eyes could sea and when you looked to the ground again you saw green smoke had covered your feet.  

shit

The music became deeper and richer as you kept walking, but the corridor kept extending like it had no end. No end and no beginning. The only thing that changed, was that the smoke had risen higher.  

where were you?

You sensed something behind you shift and you turned towards it. The same endless corridor extending in all its silent glory, only now you knew someone was there. Hidden in the dark.  

‘Who are you?’ you whispered, finally breaking the silence, only to realize the music had long stopped. The only sound now was your own heavy breathing and the beating of your heart, which got quicker and quicker by the second. Everything was beginning settling in and the all the question were bubbling from the back of your mind. Like..

how the hell did you get here? Wherever here even were...

It’s a dream. You decided. This couldn’t be real. You had gotten home long now and you were dreaming, carefully stuck under a million blankets.  

then why were you so aware of a dream?

A sound like wings unfolding had you turn around again. You were trapped like a mouse but between what you didn’t know. Only that it was everywhere, behind you and in front of you, in the walls around you, in every little corner where shadows could reach.  

if this was a dream, then why didn’t you wake up?

A scent of something sweet like night flowers reached your nose and you inhaled it like opium.  

if this were a dream, could you shape it to your will?  

You stopped. Took a deep breath and turn to face the wall. This is a dream you kept repeating as you concentrated on the hard solid material, you touched it gently and imagined a path, a way out. The material obeyed to your will and shifted to thin air, another corridor appearing in front you.  

A laugh echoed. A laugh that made every little hair on your neck stand up.  

‘Look at you, clever little mouse’ the voice was deep and ancient and run down your spine. Your feet shaked at the power it held, like it could move the very earth, or like it came from it.

You kept walking, you had to. You ignored the creature which you sensed to be closer than before, as if to limit its power, its spell on you.

And yet, dread washed over you as soon as you stared at the same path, it was as if you never had strayed from. He was playing with your mind. He must have. No matter where you went, which turn you took, which doorway you opened you ended up in the beginning, with the presence of someone following you closely, like a guardian.

shit, shit, shit

You stopped in your tracks, your breath frantic. No matter where you run, he had the upper hand. It was like he was one with this place. Your pride gave you a newfound strength though, as you didn’t want the creature to enjoy your desperation, your pointless tries. You were scared to the bone, petrified in fact but refused to die hunted. You tried calm yourself, wherever you were..

you found your way in, you’d find your way out  

‘Defeated?’ he purred close to your neck ‘already?’ you could feel a sharp smile at the words that cut your skin like knives.  

‘You mortals are so predictable’. Disappointment and arrogance coated his voice now. And now more than ever you wished to defy his predatory aura.

‘You aren’t real’ you spoke with a newfound strength, as to believe it yourself.

The laugh echoed in the corridor darker than before and you got a glimpse at the smoke that had rose almost to your waist.  

fuck

‘Isn't the anxiety running hot in your blood real little mouse? Or the way my voice brings forth a primordial fear in your belly?’ you felt his breath in the back of your neck. The scent from before filling your senses. His scent.  

‘I’m real. You are not’ you said again, decisive and turned around to see only darkness. A small victory.

‘Such scary words from someone who is afraid to face me’ you teased, pushing your luck, but you didn’t care. You knew you had won over something, over the fear of the unknown, over sharp claws and hearts made of stone. You had stopped running.  

The same sound of wings.

‘Oh’ he said with a chuckle. 'I will enjoy this. I'm here little girl’ his voice was almost lyrical ‘I’m here in the dark, can you see me?’

You stared at the abyss ahead of you and your human eyes could only register something twist in the dark. Your stomach followed shortly.

Through the darkness, surrounded by smoke you saw a beautiful man,  

no..  

A creature with the face of a man with eyes that could read your very soul. Dark wavy hair fell messily above his shoulders, he was so breathtaking that the sight of the black wings hovering behind him didn’t startle you as much.  

‘Now you see me’ he said lower. He rested his head on his palm and gazed at you.

‘Now I see you’ you spoke quieter but you knew he heard you.

‘Yet you aren’t the one who guided me here, the one who played the beautiful music’ your gut feeling could tell you this. The man who observed you had the face of an angel, of a forgotten god, but he hid emptiness behind it, like the abyss itself but the music ..the music didn’t remind you of the dark, it reminded you of sunny days and childhood loves.

‘Clever indeed’. He spoke as you figured it out. ‘I wonder that myself. Which of my dear guests called someone like you to this cold forgotten place?’ he had moved closer to you, eyes not ever leaving yours. And you felt exposed, the hidden darkest part inside you felt exposed to his lingering gaze. You’d never forget his eyes, like two dark oceans, they held the colors of dreams in their depths.  

Here, in a place like this, you met his gaze back and your eyes roamed from his dark attire covered with jewels to the rings of gems adorning his fingers and the silver necklace hanging from his neck. They stayed there and the man felt you had seen past his exterior as he had seen past yours. An equal match, one he never expected.

It wasn’t long before your eyes were closing though and you felt a hand delicately brushing your hair.

the smoke!  

You had forgotten about the smoke and it was too late to care now.

It was strange but your heart had slowed down and before you surrendered to sleep you didn’t feel fear but an odd wonder had begun to settle inside you, birthed out of all you had seen and out of the unworldly man with the black wings who caught you sweetly in his arms when you fell.

{To be continued...}

✦       ･ .           .                 ✦

.                 .            .           .       .             ✦

✦       ･           .                 •      .     •

•    .             .               ✦

✦                 ✦

This chapter’s moodboard.

Ps: I’d love to read your thoughts about the story

[peaceisadirtyword]

His favorite color (Werewolf!Ivar/Reader)

A/N: I’m so late, I'm sorry😭 I wrote this for @tephi101​ Dark Disney and Other Fairytales Writing Challenge ♥️ I chose Little Red Riding Hood with Ivar because I really wanted to write a fic in which Ivar was a werewolf, so... here it is! This was due for last week, but I'm fucking terrible and I couldn’t finish it until now💔 I’m really sorry! I hope you like it though😘

Warnings: Dark themes, smut (dubcon), mentions of blood... I tried to make this really dark, I hope it’s not pathetic lol

Words: 2449

This edit belongs to @naaladareia​ (check her post) and I absolutely loved it♥️ She kindly let me use it as a cover for this fic, (thank you love!😘). And take a look at her blog, she’s very talented!

You had the tendency to not listen to you mother. 

You thought you knew best. She was only being protective, wasn't she? You lived in a safe zone. Nothing ever happened, not even inside the dark forest. 

And it was such a nice day! You couldn't just waste it staying home, you needed to go outside. Who knows when would the sun shine like that again? You lived in a dark zone, with long winters and brief summers. You yearned to feel the sun warming your skin. 

She told you not to go out. She begged you to stay home helping her to cook and to work on the farm. Some of the animals you had had gone missing and she was scared to lose more, so she wanted you and your siblings to help your father to build a fence around the farm to keep them safe. 

You promised you'd be back at midday. You were only going to have a walk anyway, maybe visit your grandmother who lived at the other side of the forest. She had a little farm there, too, and she made the most delicious food you had ever tasted. Maybe if you went to see her, she'd give you a bit of that cheese she made. 

So, after promising your mother you'd be alright and putting on your new red hood that your mom and you older sister had made for you and which was your new favorite, you stepped into the forest. 

Though the sun was warm, it wasn't hot enough to take off your hood. And you loved it so much that you actually didn't want to. 

Your plan was simple. To find a clearing in which you could lay down and relax feeling the sun on your face. Though when you reached the clearing there was no sun to feel. 

You frowned looking at the sky. While twenty minutes earlier there was a nice clear, blue sky, now you could only see dark grey clouds. 

Where did the sun go? 

You groaned and sat down, rubbing your face with your hands. You couldn't have this bad luck! 

As you decided whether to head back home or to go to your grandma's house, you sat down under a tree, resting your head against it and closing your eyes. At least you could rest a bit in there, right?

But a noise startled you. 

It was a crack. Maybe a branch broken by an animal. It was weird as the animals never got close to the clearings, and preferred to stay near the river, where they could eat and drink more freely, hiding from the hunters' eyes. 

You would have just discarded it if you hadn't heard the deep growl that emerged from behind the bushes next to you. 

You stood up, gasping as you saw something moving in the darkness of the forest. It wasn't a rabbit or a small deer. It was something much bigger... And that growled. 

The villagers had gotten rid of most of the predator animals on the zone, that killed the animals at the farms and even attacked people. You thought there won't be any dangerous animal that close to the village. 

You might be a bit wrong. 

"Hello?" You cleared your throat, hoping it was just a hunter that tried to chase a deer. 

No one answered, but that thing growled again. 

You turned around, ready to leave the clearing and take the path to your grandmother's house, closer than your own home. But then you saw something emerging from the bushes. 

It was too big to be a normal wolf. It was completely black, but what caught your attention were his eyes. They were blue. A blue as deep as the one you loved to see on the sky. 

You gasped in fear, completely frozen. Your whole body shook as the animal approached you slowly, still growling. 

Some tears rolled down your cheek as you whimpered in pure terror. And another growl made you snap out of your trance, and you turned around and started running. 

You knew there was no chance that you could escape the wolf, but at least you'd try. Your first mistake was to go into the forest, where it was dark and you barely saw anything. The wolf was agile, you could hear him running after you, and you tripped constantly. Your tears barely let you see where you were going. 

And then you fell down. 

Your foot got caught on one of the thick roots that emerged from the earth, and you landed on the floor, your heart beating faster and faster. 

The wolf reached you. 

You could hear his paws against the earth. He circled you slowly, and you closed your eyes in fear, waiting for him to kill you. 

Please, let it be quick and painless, you prayed in silence, the tears rolling down your cheeks and falling to the dirt under you. 

But it never came. 

You opened your eyes slowly, only to find the wolf looking at you, completely still. His strange eyes were fixed on you. 

You moved, getting away from him as you panted and whimpered in fear. The wolf moved. You could swear his expression changed. Could a wolf smile? It was like he was making fun of you. Like it amused him to see you shivering and crying in fear. 

You couldn't take your eyes off of him. His eyes looked almost... Human. It definitely wasn't a normal wolf. 

He stared at you for what felt like an eternity. Until he just turned around and left. You stood there, completely still. Not truly believing that he had left. That you were still alive. 

Shaking, you managed to crawl under a fallen tree, to be more protected in case the wolf decided to come back and finish you. And there you sobbed, trembling and trying your best to be silent, even if you could barely breath. Maybe it was the adrenaline, the fear or the relief of being alive which made you pass out, hiding yourself under your red hood as the first drops of rain started falling.

______________________________________

It was only a dream. 

You sighed in relief when you felt the warmth on your face. You just fell asleep. There was no wolf, no rain. Just a beautiful, sunny day. 

But... Was a tree that comfortable?

You opened your eyes slowly, still sleepy and not really knowing where you were. 

The warmth didn't come from the sun, but from the fire that crackled in front of you. 

You gasped and sat down. You weren't leaning onto a tree, and you weren't in the clearing. 

You were in a bed, in a wooden cabin. 

Startled, you looked around. It seemed like you were alone, but you weren't at your house, and neither at your grandmother's. 

You still wore your red hood, now stained and wet. You could hear the rain pouring outside the cabin. 

Someone must have found me, you thought, someone saw me and brought me here. 

You still were scared, as you didn't know who picked you up and what intentions they might had, but at least you weren't alone on a dark forest with a giant wolf chasing you. 

The wooden door opened, and you gasped, looking at it and pressing your back against the wall next to the bed, clinging onto the furs that had been covering you. 

A man entered. He walked slowly, grunting and leaning his whole weight onto the crutches he had under his arms. He was a cripple. You frowned as he discarded the crutches after closing the door.

"I see you're awake" he said softly, not even looking at you. You didn't answer, looking as he crawled towards the bed. When his eyes fixed on yours, you shivered. Those eyes... "How are you feeling?"  

"I'm fine" you muttered "Who are you?"

You didn't know him from your village, and he seemed to be a foreigner. He didn't respond right away, but crawled to the bed and looked at you with amusement and a smirk on his pouty lips. 

"My name is Ivar" 

You frowned. He was definitely a foreigner.

"You're... Not from here, right?"

"You could say so" he chuckled, and his intense blue eyes lightened up "What's your name?" 

"Y/N" you answered warily, biting your lip.

Ivar hummed. His stare made you nervous, it scared you. You were sure you knew those eyes, but you couldn't remember from where. 

"Y/N" your name sounded soft and somewhat different on his lips "What were you doing wandering through the forest on your own? It's not very safe for a woman all alone" 

"I... I was going to my grandmother's" you explained "She lives at the other side of the forest, in a small cottage near the lake"

"Nice" he smirked again, and you had the feeling that he was playing with you "But you shouldn't go into the forest all alone, there's dangerous things wandering around" 

"How did you find me?" You asked, narrowing your eyes at him. Ivar tilted his head, crawling onto the bed with a grunt. 

"I heard you screaming" he shrugged "And I found you under a fallen tree, asleep. I couldn't just leave you there, could I?"

Your eyes fixed on the crutches, abandoned next to the door. 

"How did you bring me here?" 

Ivar seemed to know exactly what you were thinking, and he took a deep breath before smirking in that mysterious way. 

"I had help" 

You frowned, suspicious. 

"Where are we? Is this your house?" 

"We're a bit far from your village, so I'd suggest you spend the night, it's dark already"

You looked through the window. The sky was already dark and the forest looked even darker. You knew you couldn't go back home through the forest, it was too dangerous, especially with that giant wolf wandering around. 

But to stay there with him, who gave you shivers wasn't a good idea either. 

Well, it's not like you have a choice. 

______________________________________

You ate dinner with him in silence, still wrapped on your red hood and sitting on some furs on the floor next to the fire. You could feel his eyes on you the whole time, which made you even more nervous. 

"Is your husband waiting for you at home, Y/N?" 

The question startled you. Your mother said you should have gotten married a year ago. She had been looking for possible suitors for you for a long time, but you always said no. You didn't want to get married. Not yet, at least. 

"No, I'm not married" you shook your head. 

Ivar hummed again. His eyes darkened as he examined your body. You knew those eyes, but from where?

"Why?" His voice was soft and had an innocent tone. 

"Because I don't want to" you muttered. He smiled at you and, before you could react, he was crawling towards you. You gasped and moved backward  involuntarily. His hand grabbed your hood, caressing the fabric softly. 

"I really like it" he muttered, licking his lips "Red is my favorite color... Red like the sky when the sun goes down, or the red on a woman's skin when she blushes" he whispered, and you blinked, nearly hypnotized by those eyes. He leaned into you "Red like blood" 

You gasped. He was beautiful, especially under the dim light that came from the fire, you found yourself staring at his lips, until he moved to kiss you. 

You whimpered into the kiss, a bit taken aback. His lips moved softly against yours, almost hypnotizing. You couldn't remember kissing him back, but suddenly your hands were tangled on his braided hair and letting him lay you down on the furs, with his body over yours.

You moaned into the kiss. Your mind was completely clouded and you just stopped thinking. Ivar grunted as he moved down your neck, with his teeth grazing your soft skin. You felt him inhaling your scent, and his eyes darkened. He gripped your neck with his hand, making you gasp. 

He ripped your clothes, leaving only your red hood intact. He growled when he saw you naked, your skin contrasting with the deep red of the hood under you. Ivar hid his face on your neck, he could feel your blood running through your veins under your skin, and the warm, delicious scent of your flesh. He was tempted to bit down on you, but he held himself. Those weren't the plans he had for you that night. 

His lips closed around your nipple. You arched your back and moaned, with your eyes closed and your fingers on his hair. Ivar's hand travelled down, and his fingers caressed your sex, grunting when he felt the warm wetness between your legs. 

He pressed onto your clit, and you moaned again, moving your hips against his hand and biting your lip. Ivar smirked before pushing one finger inside you, feeling your whole body tense up.

He started moving his hand, enjoying how your body moved against his, kissing and licking your skin. He fingered you until he felt you were wet enough. His hard cock pressed painfully against his pants. He took off his clothes, smiling as you whined when he got away from you. 

When he thrusted into you, you gasped in pain. He waited a few moments, and then started moving his hips, growling in pleasure as your walls squeezed him. 

You moaned and trembled under him, feeling like you were asleep and it was all a -really good- dream. You felt the intense pleasure but it was like it wasn't your body. 

Ivar leaned into you to bit your neck, and you moaned in pain, digging your nails into his shoulder. Then you felt his breath against your neck, and gasped when he whispered into your ear.

"You're mine now"

________________________________________

You woke up when the fire was already dying. The cabin was warm and you had some furs covering your naked body. You felt Ivar just behind you, his strong arms around your waist. Wasn't all of that a dream? You could barely remember a single thing, just an intense pleasure and then... Nothing. 

You tried to move, but his arms gripped your waist, making you stay still. Your head was beating faster and faster, and you closed your eyes, trying to calm down. Maybe if you waited until dawn, he'd let you go... 

And then you remembered it. You remembered Ivar's eyes, that intense blue that you had seen before. And you felt him moving against you, his lips kissed your ear softly. 

The wolf.

________________________________________

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I hope I didn’t forget anyone! Thank you for reading💕

[jaskierswolf]

The Viscount and The Witcher pt.2/4

(Note: Reposted from my old blog. The rest can be found on my Ao3 or on my pinned masterlist)

Geralt of Rivia was still splattered in blood and gore when a terrified young boy had run up to him the inn, the stench of his fear had made Geralt grimace as it blended horrifically with the bitter scent of werewolf blood around him. The boy had passed him a letter and then run off before Geralt coin even offer him a spare coin.

He’d reread the letter a few times already, it was just that ridiculous.

“Who the fuck is Dandelion?” He grumbled and stuffed the letter into his pocket.

The Viscount de Lettenhove. He’d heard whispers of the Viscount, he was an unusual sort. The man had practically given away half his fortune against the advice of every banker and lawyer that was employed by his family, and by some miracle, or pure dumb luck, the man had ended up doubling his wealth before the year was out.

Geralt scoffed.

He was probably some stuck up arrogant prick, most of the upper class were. Geralt hated when the contracts took him to Royal courts and fancy castles. It was there where the difference between man and monster was barely perceptible, even to him.

The only up side is that they had coin, which was more than could be said for the villages. Although even then they were less likely to give it up. The infamous Viscount, however, Geralt mused, would probably throw the coin at him before he’d even entered the room.

And this Dandelion fellow seemed to know a thing or two about monsters. Geralt hid a smile at that thought. He wasn’t often that his clients knew that a Lycanthrope could sometimes be cured of their curse. Even less wanted to explore the option of breaking the curse. Humans were not that forgiving.

He considered a bath before heading to the castle but the glare that the innkeeper was giving him changed his mind. He’d probably be more likely to get a nice warm bath at the castle at any rate. This Dandelion fellow already seemed completely infatuated with the idea of a witcher.  Hopefully he would have some sway with the Viscount.

It wasn’t a long ride to the centre of the Lettenhove estate but Roach was not impressed with his decision not to bathe. He’d only had her for a few weeks and he was still getting her used to monsters and magic, apparently the scent of a blood-soaked witcher was a step too far for her. She stomped her feet and whinnied every few steps until Geralt managed to calm her with Axii. The trek was smoother after that and soon enough the castle came into view. He hopped off her back and tied her to the fence. The stablehands would only flee at the sight of him and it really wasn’t worth the fuss.

He hadn’t even managed to raise his hand to knock on the door before it flung open. A troubadour wearing a plum coloured doublet bowed extravagantly before him. The heron feather in his hat flopped so slow that it brushed the ground and the lute case slipped off of his back and tumbled to the floor with a twang of the strings.

When the bard looked back up of him Geralt was taken aback.

He was beautiful. His face was similar to that of the elves. Geralt couldn’t be sure that the man wasn’t an elf, or at the very least a half elf as his ears were covered by his hat. His blond hair was gently curled and fell just above his chin, but it was his eyes that drew Geralt’s attention. They were the brightest blue that Geralt had ever seen. If he had to make a comparison then he would say they were cornflower blue but honestly that didn’t do them justice.

Dandelion smirked and adjusted his hat before his tongue flicked between his lips. Geralt gawped at the movement before his witcher training kicked in and he regained his composure.

“You Dandelion?” He asked.

The bard beamed. “You got my letter!” He laughed melodically.

Fuck the lute. Geralt had never heard such beautiful music as this man’s laugh. He cursed at himself mentally.

“Get a grip.” He muttered under his breath. “The wraith? Do you know what kind?” He asked, steering the conversation straight to business. “Any witnesses or ideas who she is?”

“Witcher!” Dandelion pouted and put one hand on his hip. “You cannot be expected to fight like that! You might have deadly wounds hidden under all that….” The bard gestured at all of him. “and quite frankly I can barely look at you without my stomach turning.”

Geralt hummed. “A bath would be welcome, but the wraith?”

He frowned if the house was haunted then surely the Viscount would want the wraith gone as a matter of urgency.

Dandelion looked up at the sky, the sun still hung high in the stay and stuck his tongue whist he thought, then he flashed Geralt a dashing smile that made his pulse spike ever so gently.

Damned bard.

“Not a problem, dear witcher. She won’t be out until dusk. I promise you have time to bathe, and then I’ll gather the witnesses and you can do your witchering!” Dandelion said with a flourish.

Geralt grunted as he considered the new information. “Nightwraith. Unusual for them to be in a house. They usually prefer rural areas.”

Dandelion laughed, his heartbeat running faster in his chest. Geralt raised an eyebrow at the blond. Something wasn’t right here.

“Well, it might not have been a wraith.” Dandelion admitted and twirled a lock of hair in his long elegant fingers. “It was an educated guessed. Come along, witcher, I shall call for a bath!”

Geralt tilted his head. “Where’s the Viscount?”

Dandelion froze for barely second. Most humans wouldn’t have noticed, but Geralt had sharper senses. Dandelion flashed him a devastating smile and put his hand on his hips. “Away on business.”

Geralt sniffed the air and growled. He grabbed the troubadour by his collar and pushed him against the wall. The man was the same height as him so his feet weren’t lifted off the floor but that didn’t matter.

The bard was lying to him. He reeked of deceit… and arousal?

Geralt swallowed, wondering if coming here had been a mistake.

“Tell the truth.” He growled.

Dandelion pawed at his hands. “Witcher! I must insist you let me go this instant! You are getting blood all over my clothes!” The bard protested. “At least have a bath before pinning me to the wall.” He added with a wink before looking back down at the mess of his doublet and whining pathetically.

“Fine.” Geralt growled. “But I won’t kill any monsters until you come clean, bard.”

Geralt trudged upstairs after Dandelion. The bard followed him into a room with a large brass tub that the servants were already starting to fill up. The water wasn’t steaming as much as he liked but he could always use Igni to heat up the water. He peeled off his armour and bloody undershirt before he realised that Dandelion was still in the room, and watching him.

He raised an eyebrow at the troubadour.

“Problem?”

Dandelion blushed. Despite his protests and babbles about feeling sick at the sight of blood, the man was clearly aroused. His blue eyes were dilated and there was a flush to his skin that made Geralt’s own blood run a little faster. His eyes were drawn to the troubadour’s neck. He’s never found someone’s neck so attractive before but fuck he wanted to leave marks all over that pretty elegant neck, show the world the bard was his.

He growled under his breath at the thought. The bard was not his. He did not want the bard to be his. It had just been too long since he’d frequented a brothel, made it harder to think straight.

Dandelion had taken off his bloodstained doublet and was now parading around the room in just his shirt and trousers. There were specks of blood on the collar of his shirt but it had mostly been shielded by the plum doublet.

“No, no. No problem.” Dandelion smiled coyly.  “Just enjoying the view.”

Geralt hummed but decided to let the bard have his fun. He finished stripping down, chuckling at the barely audible whimper from the blond as he took his underclothes off, and slipped into the tub.

It was heaven.

He sank under the water to get the majority of the gore from out his hair before surfacing for air. Dandelion was watching him intently from the doorway.

“I could help, you know? With your hair, or back.” Dandelion suggested breathlessly.

Geralt appraised the bard’s obvious aroused state. “Can you behave yourself, bard?”

Dandelion nodded, the feather in his hat bouncing along with the movement. “Oh yes. Absolutely. I will be a picture of innocence, the young maiden’s that hunt unicorns will be envious of my ability to behave.”

Geralt smirked. “Fine. You can help.”

“Excellent choice, dear witcher!” Dandelion sang happily.

Dandelion helped to wash the blood from his hair. Geralt snarled as the bard dumped an extra bucket of water over his head without warning. He had been expecting the man to take a little more care in his work but he seemed to be enjoying himself immensely. After that Dandelion threaded his long, troubadour’s fingers through Geralt hair and gently pulled at the strands, massaging his scalp, until his hair was once again a glimmering silver and Geralt was practically purring under his ministrations.

“You’re Geralt of Rivia!” The bard exclaimed. “The Butcher of Blaviken.”

Pain shot through Geralt’s heart but the bard was still not afraid.

Why was he not afraid?

“Oh no, that won’t do at all. You are no butcher, dear witcher. You are glorious. You are… the White Wolf!”

Geralt hummed. “Do you ever shut up, bard?”

Dandelion laughed and stroked a finger along Geralt’s shoulder. “Only when my mouth is otherwise engaged.”

Geralt lurched away from Dandelion’s touch as if it had burnt him and he leapt from the bathtub. It was only years of self restraint that kept his own arousal in check. “I thought I told you to behave.” He growled. “It’s getting on, I need to talk to the witnesses.”

Dandelion pouted. “You are no fun, Geralt.”

“The Viscount asked me to hunt a monster, not fuck his bard.” Geralt smirked at the blond, delighting in the ever-deepening blush on his cheeks. His eyes were now almost completely black and his scent was permeating the air, thick with lust and desire.

“Oh I am quite sure, Lord Julian wouldn’t mind.” Dandelion simpered.

“Witnesses.” Geralt hissed through gritted teeth as he began to pull on the spare shirt that Dandelion’s servants hand provided. His armour still needed cleaning but at least he no longer had blood smeared over his eyes and hair. “Who are they?”

Dandelion finally admitted defeat with a sag of his shoulders. “Right this way, Geralt.”

_________________

Julian’s plan to meet a witcher was going swimmingly, and it was even the infamous Geralt of Rivia! To the gods, the stories about Geralt’s molten gold eyes did not do them justice and his hair, now it was clean, was shining brighter than moonlight dancing on the glittering surface of the ocean. He was toned from decades, maybe even centuries of hunting monsters. His skin was littered with scars, each one hiding an adventure that Julian so desperately wanted to unveil.

Julian’s plan to seduce a witcher was not going so well.

He’d flirted outrageously with Geralt, and the witcher had certainly noticed, he’d even called Julian out on it. To Julian’s dismay, Geralt seemed entirely focussed on the hunt. He was currently questioning the ‘witnesses’ better known as Julian’s poor maids. They’d only had a few minutes to memorise the backstory to the ‘nightwraith’ and they were making a hash of their lines. Geralt hummed and grunted in the right places but didn’t press for any details.

Julian nodded at his stable boy who’d appeared in the door way to the sitting room. It was up to the gardeners and stablehands to create the effect of a wraith in the upper levels of the castle. They were to use bellows to create gusts of wind and Julian had helped set up a few trip lines that would knock some of the ornaments off their shelves.

“Dandelion. A word?” Geralt stood up abruptly and left the room.

Julian cursed and scurried after him. “Excellent work everyone. Just Excellent!” He called to his staff on the way out.

Geralt was waiting for him in the foyer. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Geralt?” He asked with a lick of his lips.

The witcher’s eyes followed the movement of his tongue, just like he’d hoped they would. Perhaps his plan of seduction was going better than he’d realised. He bit his lip, pretending to be anxious about what the witcher had to say.

“Dandelion. What the fuck is going on here?” Geralt’s eyes were boring down into his with such intensity that Julian felt as if all the air was being sucked from the room.

“Whatever do you mean, darling?” He replied, capturing a blond curl between his fingers.

“Cut the bullshit, bard. None of your so called witnesses could confirm what the spectre looked like or where it tended to appear. There are no recent deaths around the time the wraith first appeared, which is anything between a week ago to yesterday depending on who I ask, and even older corpses were buried correctly and none of them had unfinished business.” Geralt slowly walked towards him. “There’s no monster here, and the Viscount is not away on business. You’re lying to me, bard. Why?”

Julian blushed.

“Ah.”

“What is it? Some kind of dare? A trap?” Geralt growled. “or some sick little fantasy of fucking a witcher?”

Julian stumbled backwards against the wall, praying to any god that was listening that his body wouldn’t betray his arousal. Geralt was now effectively pinning him against the wall and Julian could feel the warm breath of the witcher brush against his cheeks. “No!” He cried. “No. None of that.”

“A game then?” Geralt asked with a tilt of his head.

“Of sorts.” He admitted.

“Where’s the Viscount?” Geralt asked.

“Present.” Julian gave a small wave of his hand.

Geralt snorted. “You? You’re just a bard!”

“Oh I wish.” He sighed wistfully. “Oh the adventures we could have had, you and I. Sadly, a dream that was lost before it ever began.”

Geralt hummed and finally stepped back, Julian felt as if he could breathe again and he sank to his knees with a helpless whine.

“I heard you were in the area. I just wanted to meet you, to not be myself for two damn minutes.” Julian admitted. “Dandelion was going to be my stage name.”

Geralt remained silent.

“I swear I just wanted to talk. I didn’t know how else to get you here. Witchers hunt monsters. They do not attend a Viscount’s estate for wine and dinner.” Julian finally dared to meet the witcher’s eyes. They were still blazing with amber fire, and Julian was like a moth drawn to that flame.

“I never wanted this life, Geralt.”

“That’s why you tried to give it all away?” Geralt finally answered.

“Yes!” Julian exclaimed. “A fat lot of good that did. The Lettenhove estate has never been so wealthy. It’s a miracle they’ve not sent assassins after me!”

Geralt just turned on his heels and stalked out of the doors with his swords on his back.

“Geralt wait!” Julian ran after him.

Geralt turned round slowly with a smirk on his face.

“Next time, make sure there’s a monster.”

Julian gaped at the witcher as he sauntered to the stables.

“Next time?” He repeated breathlessly.

Challenge accepted!

[maidenandherlamia]

Measuring the Blood

Measuring the Blood

Lamias do not come for you in the dark of the night or when you're walking alone on a remote path. Maybe you think you are safe from them because you live far away from their fabled city, Vinnus. So thought the philosopher, who was captured and carried off at midday on a crowded street. The brightness of the sun had hidden the winged lamia who had set her eyes on him. Swiftly she dove down like a falcon after its prey and wrapped her front paws around the man. She held him securely against her chest and, without ever landing, she returned to the skies with her catch.

Seeing how high up they had flown, the philosopher soon stopped struggling and instead hang on for dear life. They travelled many hours in silence, the man too afraid to speak, but finally he dared to ask,”Where are you taking me? Must you prolong my suffering? If you have decided to eat me, let us land now and get it over with!”

The lamia did not turn to look at him when she answered,”I am taking you to Vinnus. And what makes you think I'm going to eat you?”

The philosopher was confused. ”That's what lamias do. You seduce and devour men. Unless you're the type of lamia who likes to eat children.”

”We do not eat children.”

”Then why does every village have stories of little children carried away by lamias?”

”We don't steal away your children to eat them. Your children are lost to you because they can't ever again return to home. You did not deserve them.”

”What do you mean by that?”

The lamia's voice was darkened by anger as she replied, ”Have you never noticed that the stories are always about the carrying away of girls. We do not steal your sons. We take your daughters, the ones you did not want. The ones you left out in the woods for wolves – or lamias – to take. Every child we steal from you was a child you did not want, because you wanted sons, not daughters.”

The philosopher was afraid to ask any more questions. The sun was setting when they finally reached the city of Vinnus. Overlooking the city was a row of mountains, and on the top of the highest mountain the lamia made her landing. There she was greeted by a maiden and another, wingless, blue-coloured lamia. The winged lamia unceremoniously dropped her prey to the ground and turned towards the maiden, who offered her some water to drink and gently wiped sweat from her sides with a damp cloth.

”You will come with me!” commanded the blue lamia, swatting the philosopher with her paw like a cat toying with a mouse. To avoid the sharp claws, he got up and hurried in the other direction. He noticed now a decorative gate at the mountainside. The heavy doors were unfastened, opened just enough for the man and his guard to fit through. There was no escape, no other way to go except to enter the dark cave. Here I will die, eaten by these monsters in their den! he thought as he kept going deeper, avoiding the claws that kept swatting at his ankles whenever he strayed from the correct path.

At the end of the tunnel, a light shone. The cave widened and led to a room that resembled the inner sanctum of a temple. There, by the light of the flickering fire sat a green, red-masked lamia, looking straight at the philosopher as if she had been anticipating him. Beside the green lamia stood a maiden, also looking at him directly.

”Do you know why you are here?” asked the green lamia and her voice echoed in the chamber, striking fear to the Philosopher.

”No, I do not. Why was I taken, out of all the men in the world? Surely there are men living much closer to your city. Surely there is no need to fly for prey so far away that flying back takes all day.”

”Worry not, you are not here to be eaten.” replied the green lamia, ”We have brought you here to have your blood measured. It is a request made by your daughter.”

The philosopher was not much relieved to hear that instead of being eaten, he would have his blood measured. Whatever that meant, it did not sound good. All he could say was, ”I don't know what you mean. I have no daughter.”

Now it was the maiden's turn to speak. ”You don't recognize me now as an adult, because when you sold me, I was but a child.”

Hearing this, the philosopher turned pale.

”Korinna has made accusations against you.” said the green lamia, ”As the oracle of Vinnus it is my duty to judge whether she speaks truth or not. For this purpose you were carried here. Now, you must hold out your arm and allow Korinna to let some of your blood, so that I may measure it.”

”Measure my blood?” exclaimed the philosopher, ”What is this nonsense! You're going to kill me anyway!”

”If you are an innocent man, we will take you back home.”

”That is a lie! No man carried away by lamias has ever returned home.”

”That is because so far none of the maidens we adopted have made false accusations. But even so, we will not judge anyone blindly. You will have your trial here and I, Ligeia the oracle, am your judge. You may already know that we lamias are blood drinkers. Our taste for blood is much more sensitive, much more sophisticated than that of mortal beasts. Blood is like a mirror upon which your true self is reflected. If you are an innocent man, you have no reason to not let me taste your blood. After all, the blood of an innocent man tastes bitter.”

Korinna the maiden stepped towards the philosopher, holding a cup and a lancet. Startled, he took a step back, but the blue lamia was standing behind him, forcing him to come forward.

”If my blood tastes bitter, you will let me go?” he asked, his voice angry yet pathetic like that of an animal caught in a trap, trying to intimidate its captors.

”Then you will be free to go back, the first man to set foot on the land of the lamias and return to tell the tale.” Ligeia answered, then raised her paw and pointed at the philosopher. ”But if your blood tastes sweet, you will never return home. The blood of a wicked man tastes sweet.”

Korinna held out the cup for the blood offering. The philosopher couldn't look her in the eyes. For a moment he couldn't speak, could hardly breathe. Then he clenched his hands into fists, and spoke, ”If my blood tastes sweet, what will you do to me?”

Ligeia gestured towards the blue lamia and answered, ”Alethea here is a great sorceress. She will turn you into a pig.”

”And then? What will happen to me then?”

”You tell me.” Ligeia said, her serpent-tail lashing from side to side to mark that she was growing impatient, ”What do you usually do with pigs?”

Held prisoner there, in the lamia oracle's cave, the philosopher had no other choice but to face the accusations of a woman who claimed he had committed against her crimes that turn the blood of men sweet for lamias to drink. Resigned to his fate, he held out his arm over Korinna's cup, not feeling the sting of the lancet as it opened his vein.

- - -

Introduction to Maiden and her Lamia:

https://maidenandherlamia.tumblr.com/post/615612601858129920/introduction-to-this-blog

[whumping-newbie]

BTHB: Burns

@badthingshappenbingo​

More Lot 1! I’m on a roll. This is for @givemethatwhump​, @straight-to-the-pain, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @winedark-whump​ and @shameless-whumper - because you all love Lot 1 and so do I 😉 This is also waaaaaaaaay longer than I planned, I’m sorry.

Just a little heads up that during the month of November I probably won’t be very active on this blog (not that I was for a while anyway 😅) but I’m doing NaNoWriMo for the first time and want to focus wholly on that. It’s the main story that I’ve lowkey been working on with Michal, but with more focus on the Princess’ story in general rather than simply Michal’s, though he is a POV character and rest assured any and all whump that gets written next month will get posted on here!

I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: captivity, dehumanisation, burns.

The next party I attended was not one my Master hosted.

It was also smaller than the last one.

Maybe it’s because I’m used to the big extravagant parties that master hosts on their estate, the various guests who bring along their own little pets and prisoners.

Mercifully, the host of this event did not seem to have any fun and games for us yet. At least, not until dinner is over.

I’m chained up in a room with four others. Our pathetic, worthless selves were not worthy to sit in the same room as the masters as they wined and dined together. If we behaved, however, they promised us scraps from the table as our own dinner. For now though, we were just left here in the cold, grey, windowless room. There’s a draft coming from the gap under the door, and the wood looks old and rotten, yet none of us are in any position to reach it.

We’re all knelt or sat on the concrete cellar floor, our chains keeping us tied to the walls. None of us were muzzled here, not like my first party, where several of the other pets were so poorly behaved they were punished in front of us.

I hoped not to see that tonight.

There was a small squeak from somewhere outside the door, and the pitter patter of tiny paws scuttling just there. Rodents. The masters have put us down here where we belong, with the vermin.

“Can’t - get - this - stupid - thing - off!”

I don’t recognise these pets down here with me. I haven’t seen them before. I have seen one or two a few times at other parties, but these ones are fresh faces for me. Master’s friends must have more than one pet in their household, unlike me who does not have time with my master divided.

That one over there looks strong, they look fierce. They are tugging and pulling at their chains. They’re fighting so hard against the merciless metal restraints that even I can see it causing them pain. I shift in my spot, and I’m reminded just how tight these things are. If I were to fight as much as them, I would be digging into my wrist, probably drawing blood.

My master doesn’t like me bleeding unless they’re the one that caused it.

“Keep quiet, will you?”

Another one hissed, one closer to the strong one.

There’s five of us in here, trapped together in this small room, with only each other and the rats for company. There’s the strong one, the defiant one – who is sat furthest away from me. They had a messy mop of black hair and green eyes, bruises painting their flesh with an almost intrinsic pattern.

The one next to them is the one that spoke, they had long locks of beautiful blond hair. Their master clearly cared for their appearance, because I couldn’t see any bruises or cuts or anything on them.

The one between me and the blond one is small, quiet and not looking at any of us. They must be very new, but already very aware of the consequences of disobedience. They were not as certain as me, though, because they were trembling with fear where I knew to take any kind of relaxation where I can. Any moment without my master is one where I can breathe.

The final one in here is knelt on my other side. They were tall and clearly already injured – if the huge, glaring cut on their bare leg was anything to go by – and not at all comfortable in the way they were seated. They kept shifting, kept changing positions, trying to find some comfort against the brutally cold stone wall. I felt awful for them, like that. We have a momentary reprieve from our masters and they can’t even be comfortable.

I had been so focussed on keeping my head down and trying to enjoy my peace that I only became aware that they were speaking again in that moment. The first one was brave. Their determination was admirable, but I was too tired to try and tell them otherwise.

“Look, I don’t know about you, but I am not staying here. To hell with putting up with this!”

 “And how exactly do you propose getting out of this situation, genius?”

“They’ll come down here, and they have to unchain us, right? There’s no way they’ll be able to fight all of us if we fight them together!”

“Bless you, you sweet naïve child. They aren’t that stupid. You think they’ll let their guard down around you? They already know you’re a troublemaker. The only chance we’d have is if one of those two did the fighting.”

The second one nodded in the direction of me and the small one, and I clenched my fists in their restraints. Why did they have to drag us into this? As much as I want to help them – to use what little strength and fight I have left to resist our captors – I know better.

I’ve seen this film before, and it doesn’t end well.

The first one’s voice suddenly calms, from that insistently urgent voice, to a very gentle, yet equally frantic tone. Begging. Pleading. It hurts, to hear them say things in this voice, it hurts to know that they just aren’t going to get out of this one unscathed if it doesn’t work – which I already know it will not.

“Come on, you have to give us a chance. Please.”

Nothing I can say will make them change their minds. Not when they’re so alive with that hope, clinging onto that desperate fantasy of potential freedom. I wish I had that, I wish I did. If that hope is what keeps them alive, then I would hate to tarnish that. I don’t want to kill that.

But would letting the masters break their spirits be any easier?

I remained silent, acting as though I heard nothing. It’s safer that way.

The one to my other side, the tall one, piped up next. Had they been talking this whole time? I wasn’t certain.

“I’m trying, whether you help us or not. We just thought you’d want a chance to escape too.”

I don’t know anything other than a life in and out of the auction house, going from one master to the next.

I don’t have anything to escape to, even if I could.

   “Now, now, now… why did you think this was a good idea?”

An hour later and things have gotten worse for all of us. I didn’t even do anything, but now I wish I hadn’t held my tongue so stubbornly.

We had been with our master’s after dinner was over, at their sides as they conversed, showed us off, talked about us in front of us. My master had been running their hand through my hair, and I just let them, keeping my bound hands close to me, keeping inside the world in my own head – blocking out the laughter and occasional assault from our masters.

But now, things have progressed rather significantly.

Our masters were not pleased. They surrounded us all, keeping us trapped within their circles that we were knelt down in. I kept my face burning to the ground, bowed down and only listening to the host of this gathering. The host was leaning in close to the strong one, the one that had tried to break free of their master’s grip and run away.

They had gotten as far as the stairs before they were stopped.

“You think that you can expect to get the better of us?”

I stole a glance to my left, looking at the other pets in that direction. The tall one, and the small one, over there. The small one was bowed down so low, quaking like a leaf, that one would think that they were caught misbehaving. The tall one was knelt proudly, watching the host. They were laughing, smiling, almost happy that one of them had done something wrong.

Any excuse to hurt us, I suppose.

“A shame, really. But now we have some entertainment for the evening, don’t we?”

They called upon their guests, our masters. They all cheered in agreement, and my chest is burning with dread, the anticipation is killing me. What do they plan to do with us now?

The host left the brave one laid there, tied down and beaten for now, shuddering in their breaths as they tried to stay conscious. They went straight for the small one, the one between me and the tall one. The one that is trembling with trepidation and fear so much that I can’t help but want to cry out for them to stop.

But the pain that shoots through my arm when I consider opening my mouth, is what makes me stop. It’s not a pain that leaves a scar, it’s the burning, residual pain of something already experienced, like a phantom had simply come up and struck me.

A warning.

“A good pet, aren’t you, little one?” they cooed, ruffling the hair of the small one.

I wonder what they mean… this isn’t what I thought it was. Why are they…?

“Don’t be so frightened. We’re proud of you.”

I look at the little one, before darting my eyes quickly to the beaten and bloody brave one on the floor.

Oh. Oh no.

“You did a good job, telling us what the bad ones were planning. You deserve a reward, don’t you? Good behaviour earns rewards.”

It was only now that the host stood up and nodded at their friend at the side of the room, that I noticed metal things sticking out of the fireplace over there. Metal things.

I can put two and two together. We’re all going to suffer for this.

The host took the small one by the hand, helping them to their feet, cooing softly and speaking so gently. The host led them to the fireplace, handing them the cold ends of one of those metal pokers, and it shook in their grip. The host was careful and patient, though, standing behind them, trying to help keep it still and steady. I wasn’t focussing on their attempts at keeping them calm, though, I was watching the white hot, smoking end of that black metal get closer and closer to the brave one. My insides are knotting, and I can’t help but want to scream and cry, to beg for mercy for them.

But I can’t. It didn’t work last time, and it won’t work this time.

“You’ll see what happens to bad pets who think that running from home is a good idea,” the host continued, standing over the brave one, who was now fighting and bucking from down there on the floor, “keep still, now. Don’t want to get something vital, do we?”

I don’t turn away. I don’t close my eyes.

I simply watch, in horror, frozen in place. I can’t do anything but watch and listen as that sizzling metal makes contact with tender skin, and the screech that follows is enough to send echoes ricocheting off the walls of this grand mansion.

There’s nothing I can do but watch, and wait, and listen.

[background-noise-headache]

Gereeb

Rip dreams of his days as Vandal Savage’s prisoner. Sara’s there to comfort him.

Angst with a sweet ending. Hurt/Comfort. Established RipSara relationship

* * *

Rip pressed his cheek to the cold stone floor, shaking from the cold. He pulled the rough grey cloak over his thin, shivering frame. Even if the shackles around his wrists weren’t holding him forcefully to the ground, Rip couldn’t make himself stand. He had been weakened, starved of food and water as he was.

The metal door opened, a single pair of heavy footsteps approaching. Rip pressed his shaking hands to the floor, forcing himself up. If it was Vandal Savage he would turn and face the monster that killed his wife and son. Then Rip collapsed to the floor, his legs giving out on him.

“Hello Gareeb,” Savage greeted, sounding amused.

Rip shut his eyes for a moment before opening them again.

“Do you still refuse to speak?” Savage asked.

Rip moved slightly, shifting. He wouldn’t speak.

“Are you still claiming you will be the one that will save the world from me?” Savage asked.

He didn’t respond.

“It still seems you will not be able to live up to your promise,” Savage taunted him.

Rip shifted, trying to sit up a little more. His limbs were weak and sluggish, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could feel his muscles moving anymore. It felt like he was sinking to the bottom of the ocean, or buried deep in the sand, unable to move.

“Trying to stand once more?” Savage asked, his voice holding that taunting edge. “How pathetic your efforts are.”

Rip pushed his feet under him, digging his feet into the rough stone floor. Once more his legs gave out on him and he crashed back down to the floor again. Rip groaned, pulling at his shackles. He would not give up.

“I wonder how much longer you have,” Vandal Savage mused. “If could be a matter of hours at this rate.”

Rip hated to admit it, but he was most likely right. His body was shutting down. He could no longer think clearly, too weak or tired to make himself concentrate. It probably wasn’t long before his body would go into shock. If he went into shock, death was soon to follow.

“Or I could prolong your life, watch you suffer slowly once more,” Vandal Savage mused, sounding thoughtful.

Rip wondered if he could still bring himself to care. He wasn’t sure if he’d make it by morning. Death was closing in on him, and Rip was beginning to welcome it. He would join his wife and son, wherever they were. He’d no longer suffer knowing he’d never see them again. Maybe death would be the most merciful thing. There was one problem with mercy though.

Vandal Savage was many things.

Merciful wasn’t one of them.

The cage door opened. Rip’s eyes snapped open in a moment of rare alertness. Vandal Savage rolled Rip onto his back with his foot, staring down at him. Rip looked up at the monster, willing himself not to look away. He wouldn’t look away. With a sneer, Vandal Savage pressed his foot into Rip’s chest.

Rip gasped, feeling his chest be crushed under the weight of Savage. He pressed his hand to Savage’s leg, pawing it away, trying to push him off. The pressure on his chest increased, and Rip wheezed, unable to breathe. He felt his ribs bend, nearly breaking from the force. Vandal Savage was barely putting any effort into killing Rip, and yet Rip had never known pain like this. Rip’s vision went dark at the edges, the air pushed out of his lungs. He wheezed, his hand falling limply to his side.

Finally Savage removed his foot, staring down at Rip Hunter.

For a moment everything was black, and then Rip gasped for air, sucking it in desperately. Savage stood above him, smiling wickedly. Rip scratched his hands across his chest, still in horrific pain, and longing for death.

Vandal Savage laughed and called for the guard. The guard arrived, carrying a pitcher and a cup. Pouring water into the cup, Savage bent down so he was kneeling beside Rip. Gripping the back of Rip’s neck, he forced Rip to sit up slightly and pressed the cup to Rip’s lips. For a moment Rip sputtered, the water spilling down his chest as he refused to drink it.

“Drink,” Vandal ordered, tightening his grip on Rip’s neck.

Rip drank, the water forced down his throat. He gulped until his lungs burned for air and he choked on the water. Rolling to his side, Rip coughed up the water, lungs still burning. He felt like he was drowning. But when the coughing subsided, Vandal Savage pulled him back and forced more water down his throat, continuing until Rip would inevitably gasp for air and cough again, water filling his lungs until he felt like he was drowning. Drowning. Drowning. Rip had never felt so helpless.

 Rip woke up, gasping and clawing at his throat, heart racing and pounding in his chest. He coughed, almost as if the water was still lodged in his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, lungs almost collapsing on themselves. A hand rested on his shoulder and Rip flinched away, knocking himself into the wall beside his bed.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Sara whispered. “It was just a nightmare, it wasn’t real.”

She asked Gideon to raise the lights a little, so the room remained dim but they could still see each other.

Rip was still gasping for air, gripping his chest. His lungs were still burning. Tears were pooling around his eyes, the images fresh and bleeding in his mind.

“Rip, stay with me,” Sara ordered calmly. She took his hand and pressed it to her chest. “Breathe with me.”

She took a deep breath, holding it. Rip followed, lungs burning. She released her breath, and Rip followed, letting it out in one gasping rush. She repeated this, over and over until Rip could follow suit, until his lungs stopped threatening to collapse in on themselves.

“It wasn’t real,” Sara whispered, her free hand brushing across his chest.

“It was very real,” Rip disagreed, shaking it head. “It wasn’t just a nightmare, it was a memory.”

She was quiet for a moment, her eyes sad.

“I almost died, I wanted to die because the pain was so horrific,” Rip whispered, voice shaking.

Sara slowly, gently pulled him into a hug, giving him room to pull away if he wanted. Pulling away was the last thing he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to feel like he was no longer there. To feel grounded in the here and now, in the safest place he knew, by her side.

“In Egypt, after my first attempt on Vandal Savage’s life, he imprisoned me. He starved me for days, giving me the smallest sips of water until he deprived me of that too. I was hours to death I was so dehydrated.”

Sara nodded, biting her lip as she rested her chin on his shoulder. That memory of her drifting in the North China sea floated to mind, drifting for days as she slowly grew dehydrated, her throat too dry to really call out when help was finally in sight.

She pulled away for a moment, looking him in the eye. Her hands never left his shoulders, holding him close.

“He came to my cell to visit me, taunt me.” Rip swallowed thickly. “Then he walked into my cell and… and…”

“You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to,” Sara whispered, knowing how hard this must be for him.

“Sara, he crushed my chest. I nearly died. He pressed his foot so hard into my chest my ribcage nearly shattered. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted so badly to die in that moment, I wanted the pain to finally be over.”

His voice was so weak, barely at a whisper. Dry and croaking and pained, the memory fresh in his mind, haunting him behind closed eyelids. Sara leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. And somehow he was still here and she couldn’t be more thankful to have him in her life.

“He didn’t kill me. He knew I wanted to die, but he didn’t kill me. Instead he forced me to drink water until I was choking on it, and then he forced me to continue drinking. Prolonging my life so I could suffer more.”

Sara felt her heart break for him. She struggled not to cry, knowing he needed her to be strong for him.

Tears slipped down his cheeks. She brushed her thumbs across his skin, wiping them away. Rip pulled her tightly to his chest, gripping onto her like she was the last piece of driftwood in the endless ocean.

“I’m so thankful you’re here now,” Rip choked out, his voice still gasping like he couldn’t breathe.

“I’ll never leave,” Sara promised.

Rip nodded, slumping back against the pillows of his bed, drained. Sara curled up next to him, wrapping her arms around him securely.

“I can’t go back to sleep,” Rip murmured.

“We’re not going back to sleep,” Sara promised. “But I’m not going to let you go through this alone.”

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her to his chest. He buried his face in her hair, silently crying. His fingers gripped tightly onto the fabric of her black tank top, needing her close. She never let go, whispering promises that she’d always be here.

He didn’t think he’d ever be able to let her go.

* * *

This was inspired by the start of River of Time (Season 1, Episode 14) in the flashback to Egypt when Vandal Savage was holding Rip as his prisoner.

Follow this blog for more RipSara fanfiction, I write mostly one-shots with prompts with themes ranging mostly on angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, and romance. I do accept prompts. I will be compiling this into a more chronological order on FFN (under Shadow-might-write) and AO3 (Shadowmightwrite17) very soon. I hope. So check those out if you like.

Please leave a comment, they make me smile and I remember you forever

[heterophobicloki]

it seems so hilarious to me that the 15 year old who is running this blog seems to think they know everything like an adult, when by your logic, you're still a CHILD. people can ship whatever they want without your pathetic, childish ass slating shit people like. I ship otayuri because it's cute as fuck. I ship otayuri because when I was at the age of 15, my boyfriend was 19. and our relationship was healthy and normal, and 6 years on we have a child and are engaged (1)

i was gonna reply with “come off anon to insult me you coward ive never pretended to know everything but i know adults shouldnt date children seeing as that affects me as a child and being a child doesnt mean i cant speak about things” but heres my actual response. It got a little long, so its under the cut

According to all known lawsof aviation,  there is no way a beeshould be able to fly.  Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground.  The bee, of course, flies anyway  because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible.  Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little.  Barry! Breakfast is ready!  Ooming!  Hang on a second.  Hello?  - Barry?- Adam?  - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up.  Looking sharp.  Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those.  Sorry. I'm excited.  Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son.  A perfect report card, all B's.  Very proud.  Ma! I got a thing going here.  - You got lint on your fuzz.- Ow! That's me!  - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.- Bye!  Barry, I told you,stop flying in the house!  - Hey, Adam.- Hey, Barry.  - Is that fuzz gel?- A little. Special day, graduation.  Never thought I'd make it.  Three days grade school,three days high school.  Those were awkward.  Three days college. I'm glad I tooka day and hitchhiked around the hive.  You did come back different.  - Hi, Barry.- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.  - Hear about Frankie?- Yeah.  - You going to the funeral?- No, I'm not going.  Everybody knows,sting someone, you die.  Don't waste it on a squirrel.Such a hothead.  I guess he could havejust gotten out of the way.  I love this incorporatingan amusement park into our day.  That's why we don't need vacations.  Boy, quite a bit of pomp...under the circumstances.  - Well, Adam, today we are men.- We are!  - Bee-men.- Amen!  Hallelujah!  Students, faculty, distinguished bees,  please welcome Dean Buzzwell.  Welcome, New Hive Oitygraduating class of...  ...9:15.  That concludes our ceremonies.  And begins your careerat Honex Industries!  Will we pick ourjob today?  I heard it's just orientation.  Heads up! Here we go.  Keep your hands and antennasinside the tram at all times.  - Wonder what it'll be like?- A little scary.  Welcome to Honex,a division of Honesco  and a part of the Hexagon Group.  This is it!  Wow.  Wow.  We know that you, as a bee,have worked your whole life  to get to the point where youcan work for your whole life.  Honey begins when our valiant PollenJocks bring the nectar to the hive.  Our top-secret formula  is automatically color-corrected,scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured  into this soothing sweet syrup  with its distinctivegolden glow you know as...  Honey!  - That girl was hot.- She's my cousin!  - She is?- Yes, we're all cousins.  - Right. You're right.- At Honex, we constantly strive  to improve every aspectof bee existence.  These bees are stress-testinga new helmet technology.  - What do you think he makes?- Not enough.  Here we have our latest advancement,the Krelman.  - What does that do?- Oatches that little strand of honey  that hangs after you pour it.Saves us millions.  Oan anyone work on the Krelman?  Of course. Most bee jobs aresmall ones. But bees know  that every small job,if it's done well, means a lot.  But choose carefully  because you'll stay in the jobyou pick for the rest of your life.  The same job the rest of your life?I didn't know that.  What's the difference?  You'll be happy to know that bees,as a species, haven't had one day off  in 27 million years.  So you'll just work us to death?  We'll sure try.  Wow! That blew my mind!  "What's the difference?"How can you say that?  One job forever?That's an insane choice to have to make.  I'm relieved. Now we only haveto make one decision in life.  But, Adam, how could theynever have told us that?  Why would you question anything?We're bees.  We're the most perfectlyfunctioning society on Earth.  You ever think maybe thingswork a little too well here?  Like what? Give me one example.  I don't know. But you knowwhat I'm talking about.  Please clear the gate.Royal Nectar Force on approach.  Wait a second. Oheck it out.  - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!- Wow.  I've never seen them this close.  They know what it's likeoutside the hive.  Yeah, but some don't come back.  - Hey, Jocks!- Hi, Jocks!  You guys did great!  You're monsters!You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!  - I wonder where they were.- I don't know.  Their day's not planned.  Outside the hive, flying who knowswhere, doing who knows what.  You can'tjust decide to be a PollenJock. You have to be bred for that.  Right.  Look. That's more pollenthan you and I will see in a lifetime.  It's just a status symbol.Bees make too much of it.  Perhaps. Unless you're wearing itand the ladies see you wearing it.  Those ladies?Aren't they our cousins too?  Distant. Distant.  Look at these two.  - Oouple of Hive Harrys.- Let's have fun with them.  It must be dangerousbeing a Pollen Jock.  Yeah. Once a bear pinned meagainst a mushroom!  He had a paw on my throat,and with the other, he was slapping me!  - Oh, my!- I never thought I'd knock him out.  What were you doing during this?  Trying to alert the authorities.  I can autograph that.  A little gusty out there today,wasn't it, comrades?  Yeah. Gusty.  We're hitting a sunflower patchsix miles from here tomorrow.  - Six miles, huh?- Barry!  A puddle jump for us,but maybe you're not up for it.  - Maybe I am.- You are not!  We're going 0900 at J-Gate.  What do you think, buzzy-boy?Are you bee enough?  I might be. It all dependson what 0900 means.  Hey, Honex!  Dad, you surprised me.  You decide what you're interested in?  - Well, there's a lot of choices.- But you only get one.  Do you ever get boreddoing the same job every day?  Son, let me tell you about stirring.  You grab that stick, and you justmove it around, and you stir it around.  You get yourself into a rhythm.It's a beautiful thing.  You know, Dad,the more I think about it,  maybe the honey fieldjust isn't right for me.  You were thinking of what,making balloon animals?  That's a bad jobfor a guy with a stinger.  Janet, your son's not surehe wants to go into honey!  - Barry, you are so funny sometimes.- I'm not trying to be funny.  You're not funny! You're goinginto honey. Our son, the stirrer!  - You're gonna be a stirrer?- No one's listening to me!  Wait till you see the sticks I have.  I could say anything right now.I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!  Let's open some honey and celebrate!  Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.Shave my antennae.  Shack up with a grasshopper. Geta gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!  I'm so proud.  - We're starting work today!- Today's the day.  Oome on! All the good jobswill be gone.  Yeah, right.  Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,stirrer, front desk, hair removal...  - Is it still available?- Hang on. Two left!  One of them's yours! Oongratulations!Step to the side.  - What'd you get?- Picking crud out. Stellar!  Wow!  Oouple of newbies?  Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!  Make your choice.  - You want to go first?- No, you go.  Oh, my. What's available?  Restroom attendant's open,not for the reason you think.  - Any chance of getting the Krelman?- Sure, you're on.  I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.  Wax monkey's always open.  The Krelman opened up again.  What happened?  A bee died. Makes an opening. See?He's dead. Another dead one.  Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.  Dead from the neck up.Dead from the neck down. That's life!  Oh, this is so hard!  Heating, cooling,stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,  humming, inspector number seven,lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,  mite wrangler. Barry, whatdo you think I should... Barry?  Barry!  All right, we've got the sunflower patchin quadrant nine...  What happened to you?Where are you?  - I'm going out.- Out? Out where?  - Out there.- Oh, no!  I have to, before I goto work for the rest of my life.  You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?  Another call coming in.  If anyone's feeling brave,there's a Korean deli on 83rd  that gets their roses today.  Hey, guys.  - Look at that.- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?  Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.  It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.  Really? Feeling lucky, are you?  Sign here, here. Just initial that.  - Thank you.- OK.  You got a rain advisory today,  and as you all know,bees cannot fly in rain.  So be careful. As always,watch your brooms,  hockey sticks, dogs,birds, bears and bats.  Also, I got a couple of reportsof root beer being poured on us.  Murphy's in a home because of it,babbling like a cicada!  - That's awful.- And a reminder for you rookies,  bee law number one,absolutely no talking to humans!  All right, launch positions!  Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!  Black and yellow!  Hello!  You ready for this, hot shot?  Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.  Wind, check.  - Antennae, check.- Nectar pack, check.  - Wings, check.- Stinger, check.  Scared out of my shorts, check.  OK, ladies,  let's move it out!  Pound those petunias,you striped stem-suckers!  All of you, drain those flowers!  Wow! I'm out!  I can't believe I'm out!  So blue.  I feel so fast and free!  Box kite!  Wow!  Flowers!  This is Blue Leader.We have roses visual.  Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.  Roses!  30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.  Stand to the side, kid.It's got a bit of a kick.  That is one nectar collector!  - Ever see pollination up close?- No, sir.  I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle itover here. Maybe a dash over there,  a pinch on that one.See that? It's a little bit of magic.  That's amazing. Why do we do that?  That's pollen power. More pollen, moreflowers, more nectar, more honey for us.  Oool.  I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?  Oopy that visual.  Wait. One of these flowersseems to be on the move.  Say again? You're reportinga moving flower?  Affirmative.  That was on the line!  This is the coolest. What is it?  I don't know, but I'm loving this color.  It smells good.Not like a flower, but I like it.  Yeah, fuzzy.  Ohemical-y.  Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.  My sweet lord of bees!  Oandy-brain, get off there!  Problem!  - Guys!- This could be bad.  Affirmative.  Very close.  Gonna hurt.  Mama's little boy.  You are way out of position, rookie!  Ooming in at you like a missile!  Help me!  I don't think these are flowers.  - Should we tell him?- I think he knows.  What is this?!  Match point!  You can start packing up, honey,because you're about to eat it!  Yowser!  Gross.  There's a bee in the car!  - Do something!- I'm driving!  - Hi, bee.- He's back here!  He's going to sting me!  Nobody move. If you don't move,he won't sting you. Freeze!  He blinked!  Spray him, Granny!  What are you doing?!  Wow... the tension levelout here is unbelievable.  I gotta get home.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Oan't fly in rain.  Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Ken, could you closethe window please?  Oheck out my new resume.I made it into a fold-out brochure.  You see? Folds out.  Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.  What was that?  Maybe this time. This time. This time.This time! This time! This...  Drapes!  That is diabolical.  It's fantastic. It's got all my specialskills, even my top-ten favorite movies.  What's number one? Star Wars?  Nah, I don't go for that...  ...kind of stuff.  No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.They're out of their minds.  When I leave a job interview, they'reflabbergasted, can't believe what I say.  There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.  I don't remember the sunhaving a big 75 on it.  I predicted global warming.  I could feel it getting hotter.At first I thought it was just me.  Wait! Stop! Bee!  Stand back. These are winter boots.  Wait!  Don't kill him!  You know I'm allergic to them!This thing could kill me!  Why does his life haveless value than yours?  Why does his life have any less valuethan mine? Is that your statement?  I'm just saying all life has value. Youdon't know what he's capable of feeling.  My brochure!  There you go, little guy.  I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing.  Put that on your resume brochure.  My whole face could puff up.  Make it one of your special skills.  Knocking someone outis also a special skill.  Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.  - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.  - You could put carob chips on there.- Bye.  - Supposed to be less calories.- Bye.  I gotta say something.  She saved my life.I gotta say something.  All right, here it goes.  Nah.  What would I say?  I could really get in trouble.  It's a bee law.You're not supposed to talk to a human.  I can't believe I'm doing this.  I've got to.  Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!  No. Yes. No.  Do it. I can't.  How should I start it?"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.  Here she comes! Speak, you fool!  Hi!  I'm sorry.  - You're talking.- Yes, I know.  You're talking!  I'm so sorry.  No, it's OK. It's fine.I know I'm dreaming.  But I don't recall going to bed.  Well, I'm sure thisis very disconcerting.  This is a bit of a surprise to me.I mean, you're a bee!  I am. And I'm not supposedto be doing this,  but they were all trying to kill me.  And if it wasn't for you...  I had to thank you.It's just how I was raised.  That was a little weird.  - I'm talking with a bee.- Yeah.  I'm talking to a bee.And the bee is talking to me!  I just want to say I'm grateful.I'll leave now.  - Wait! How did you learn to do that?- What?  The talking thing.  Same way you did, I guess."Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.  - That's very funny.- Yeah.  Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,we'd cry with what we have to deal with.  Anyway...  Oan I...  ...get you something?- Like what?  I don't know. I mean...I don't know. Ooffee?  I don't want to put you out.  It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.  - It's just coffee.- I hate to impose.  - Don't be ridiculous!- Actually, I would love a cup.  Hey, you want rum cake?  - I shouldn't.- Have some.  - No, I can't.- Oome on!  I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.  - Where?- These stripes don't help.  You look great!  I don't know if you knowanything about fashion.  Are you all right?  No.  He's making the tie in the cabas they're flying up Madison.  He finally gets there.  He runs up the steps into the church.The wedding is on.  And he says, "Watermelon?I thought you said Guatemalan.  Why would I marry a watermelon?"  Is that a bee joke?  That's the kind of stuff we do.  Yeah, different.  So, what are you gonna do, Barry?  About work? I don't know.  I want to do my part for the hive,but I can't do it the way they want.  I know how you feel.  - You do?- Sure.  My parents wanted me to be a lawyer ora doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.  - Really?- My only interest is flowers.  Our new queen was just electedwith that same campaign slogan.  Anyway, if you look...  There's my hive right there. See it?  You're in Sheep Meadow!  Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!  No way! I know that area.I lost a toe ring there once.  - Why do girls put rings on their toes?- Why not?  - It's like putting a hat on your knee.- Maybe I'll try that.  - You all right, ma'am?- Oh, yeah. Fine.  Just having two cups of coffee!  Anyway, this has been great.Thanks for the coffee.  Yeah, it's no trouble.  Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,I'd be up the rest of my life.  Are you...?  Oan I take a piece of this with me?  Sure! Here, have a crumb.  - Thanks!- Yeah.  All right. Well, then...I guess I'll see you around.  Or not.  OK, Barry.  And thank youso much again... for before.  Oh, that? That was nothing.  Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...  This can't possibly work.  He's all set to go.We may as well try it.  OK, Dave, pull the chute.  - Sounds amazing.- It was amazing!  It was the scariest,happiest moment of my life.  Humans! I can't believeyou were with humans!  Giant, scary humans!What were they like?  Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.  They eat crazy giant things.They drive crazy.  - Do they try and kill you, like on TV?- Some of them. But some of them don't.  - How'd you get back?- Poodle.  You did it, and I'm glad. You sawwhatever you wanted to see.  You had your "experience." Now youcan pick out yourjob and be normal.  - Well...- Well?  Well, I met someone.  You did? Was she Bee-ish?  - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!- No, no, no, not a wasp.  - Spider?- I'm not attracted to spiders.  I know it's the hottest thing,with the eight legs and all.  I can't get by that face.  So who is she?  She's... human.  No, no. That's a bee law.You wouldn't break a bee law.  - Her name's Vanessa.- Oh, boy.  She's so nice. And she's a florist!  Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!  We're not dating.  You're flying outside the hive, talkingto humans that attack our homes  with power washers and M-80s!One-eighth a stick of dynamite!  She saved my life!And she understands me.  This is over!  Eat this.  This is not over! What was that?  - They call it a crumb.- It was so stingin' stripey!  And that's not what they eat.That's what falls off what they eat!  - You know what a Oinnabon is?- No.  It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.They heat it up...  Sit down!  ...really hot!- Listen to me!  We are not them! We're us.There's us and there's them!  Yes, but who can denythe heart that is yearning?  There's no yearning.Stop yearning. Listen to me!  You have got to start thinking bee,my friend. Thinking bee!  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee! Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  There he is. He's in the pool.  You know what your problem is, Barry?  I gotta start thinking bee?  How much longer will this go on?  It's been three days!Why aren't you working?  I've got a lot of big life decisionsto think about.  What life? You have no life!You have no job. You're barely a bee!  Would it kill youto make a little honey?  Barry, come out.Your father's talking to you.  Martin, would you talk to him?  Barry, I'm talking to you!  You coming?  Got everything?  All set!  Go ahead. I'll catch up.  Don't be too long.  Watch this!  Vanessa!  - We're still here.- I told you not to yell at him.  He doesn't respond to yelling!  - Then why yell at me?- Because you don't listen!  I'm not listening to this.  Sorry, I've gotta go.  - Where are you going?- I'm meeting a friend.  A girl? Is this why you can't decide?  Bye.  I just hope she's Bee-ish.  They have a huge paradeof flowers every year in Pasadena?  To be in the Tournament of Roses,that's every florist's dream!  Up on a float, surroundedby flowers, crowds cheering.  A tournament. Do the rosescompete in athletic events?  No. All right, I've got one.How come you don't fly everywhere?  It's exhausting. Why don't yourun everywhere? It's faster.  Yeah, OK, I see, I see.All right, your turn.  TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?That's insane!  You don't have that?  We have Hivo, but it's a disease.It's a horrible, horrible disease.  Oh, my.  Dumb bees!  You must want to sting all those jerks.  We try not to sting.It's usually fatal for us.  So you have to watch your temper.  Very carefully.You kick a wall, take a walk,  write an angry letter and throw it out.Work through it like any emotion:  Anger, jealousy, lust.  Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?  Yeah.  - What is wrong with you?!- It's a bug.  He's not bothering anybody.Get out of here, you creep!  What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?  Yeah, it was. How did you know?  It felt like about 10 pages.Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.  You've really got thatdown to a science.  - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.- I'll bet.  What in the nameof Mighty Hercules is this?  How did this get here?Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,  Ray Liotta Private Select?  - Is he that actor?- I never heard of him.  - Why is this here?- For people. We eat it.  You don't haveenough food of your own?  - Well, yes.- How do you get it?  - Bees make it.- I know who makes it!  And it's hard to make it!  There's heating, cooling, stirring.You need a whole Krelman thing!  - It's organic.- It's our-ganic!  It's just honey, Barry.  Just what?!  Bees don't know about this!This is stealing! A lot of stealing!  You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have!  And it's on sale?!I'm getting to the bottom of this.  I'm getting to the bottomof all of this!  Hey, Hector.  - You almost done?- Almost.  He is here. I sense it.  Well, I guess I'll go home now  and just leave this nice honey out,with no one around.  You're busted, box boy!  I knew I heard something.So you can talk!  I can talk.And now you'll start talking!  Where you getting the sweet stuff?Who's your supplier?  I don't understand.I thought we were friends.  The last thing we wantto do is upset bees!  You're too late! It's ours now!  You, sir, have crossedthe wrong sword!  You, sir, will be lunchfor my iguana, Ignacio!  Where is the honey coming from?  Tell me where!  Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!  Orazy person!  What horrible thing has happened here?  These faces, they never knewwhat hit them. And now  they're on the road to nowhere!  Just keep still.  What? You're not dead?  Do I look dead? They will wipe anythingthat moves. Where you headed?  To Honey Farms.I am onto something huge here.  I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,crazy stuff. Blows your head off!  I'm going to Tacoma.  - And you?- He really is dead.  All right.  Uh-oh!  - What is that?!- Oh, no!  - A wiper! Triple blade!- Triple blade?  Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!  Why does everything haveto be so doggone clean?!  How much do you people need to see?!  Open your eyes!Stick your head out the window!  From NPR News in Washington,I'm Oarl Kasell.  But don't kill no more bugs!  - Bee!- Moose blood guy!!  - You hear something?- Like what?  Like tiny screaming.  Turn off the radio.  Whassup, bee boy?  Hey, Blood.  Just a row of honey jars,as far as the eye could see.  Wow!  I assume wherever this truck goesis where they're getting it.  I mean, that honey's ours.  - Bees hang tight.- We're all jammed in.  It's a close community.  Not us, man. We on our own.Every mosquito on his own.  - What if you get in trouble?- You a mosquito, you in trouble.  Nobody likes us. They just smack.See a mosquito, smack, smack!  At least you're out in the world.You must meet girls.  Mosquito girls try to trade up,get with a moth, dragonfly.  Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.  You got to be kidding me!  Mooseblood's about to leavethe building! So long, bee!  - Hey, guys!- Mooseblood!  I knew I'd catch y'all down here.Did you bring your crazy straw?  We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,and it's pretty much pure profit.  What is this place?  A bee's got a brainthe size of a pinhead.  They are pinheads!  Pinhead.  - Oheck out the new smoker.- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.  The Thomas 3000!  Smoker?  Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.Twice the nicotine, all the tar.  A couple breaths of thisknocks them right out.  They make the honey,and we make the money.  "They make the honey,and we make the money"?  Oh, my!  What's going on? Are you OK?  Yeah. It doesn't last too long.  Do you know you'rein a fake hive with fake walls?  Our queen was moved here.We had no choice.  This is your queen?That's a man in women's clothes!  That's a drag queen!  What is this?  Oh, no!  There's hundreds of them!  Bee honey.  Our honey is being brazenly stolenon a massive scale!  This is worse than anything bearshave done! I intend to do something.  Oh, Barry, stop.  Who told you humans are takingour honey? That's a rumor.  Do these look like rumors?  That's a conspiracy theory.These are obviously doctored photos.  How did you get mixed up in this?  He's been talking to humans.  - What?- Talking to humans?!  He has a human girlfriend.And they make out!  Make out? Barry!  We do not.  - You wish you could.- Whose side are you on?  The bees!  I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.Those crazy legs kept me up all night.  Barry, this is what you wantto do with your life?  I want to do it for all our lives.Nobody works harder than bees!  Dad, I remember youcoming home so overworked  your hands were still stirring.You couldn't stop.  I remember that.  What right do they have to our honey?  We live on two cups a year. They put itin lip balm for no reason whatsoever!  Even if it's true, what can one bee do?  Sting them where it really hurts.  In the face! The eye!  - That would hurt.- No.  Up the nose? That's a killer.  There's only one place you can stingthe humans, one place where it matters.  Hive at Five, the hive's onlyfull-hour action news source.  No more bee beards!  With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.  Weather with Storm Stinger.  Sports with Buzz Larvi.  And Jeanette Ohung.  - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.  A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,  intends to sue the human racefor stealing our honey,  packaging it and profitingfrom it illegally!  Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,  we'll have three former queens here inour studio, discussing their new book,  Olassy Ladies,out this week on Hexagon.  Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.  Did you ever think, "I'm a kidfrom the hive. I can't do this"?  Bees have never been afraidto change the world.  What about Bee Oolumbus?Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?  Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.  We were thinkingof stickball or candy stores.  How old are you?  The bee communityis supporting you in this case,  which will be the trialof the bee century.  You know, they have a Larry Kingin the human world too.  It's a common name. Next week...  He looks like you and has a showand suspenders and colored dots...  Next week...  Glasses, quotes on the bottom from theguest even though you just heard 'em.  Bear Week next week!They're scary, hairy and here live.  Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,squinty eyes, very Jewish.  In tennis, you attackat the point of weakness!  It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.  Honey, her backhand's a joke!I'm not gonna take advantage of that?  Quiet, please.Actual work going on here.  - Is that that same bee?- Yes, it is!  I'm helping him sue the human race.  - Hello.- Hello, bee.  This is Ken.  Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, sizeten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.  Why does he talk again?  Listen, you better go'cause we're really busy working.  But it's our yogurt night!  Bye-bye.  Why is yogurt night so difficult?!  You poor thing.You two have been at this for hours!  Yes, and Adam herehas been a huge help.  - Frosting...- How many sugars?  Just one. I try notto use the competition.  So why are you helping me?  Bees have good qualities.  And it takes my mind off the shop.  Instead of flowers, peopleare giving balloon bouquets now.  Those are great, if you're three.  And artificial flowers.  - Oh, those just get me psychotic!- Yeah, me too.  Bent stingers, pointless pollination.  Bees must hate those fake things!  Nothing worsethan a daffodil that's had work done.  Maybe this could make upfor it a little bit.  - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.- I guess.  You sure you want to go through with it?  Am I sure? When I'm done withthe humans, they won't be able  to say, "Honey, I'm home,"without paying a royalty!  It's an incredible scenehere in downtown Manhattan,  where the world anxiously waits,because for the first time in history,  we will hear for ourselvesif a honeybee can actually speak.  What have we gotten into here, Barry?  It's pretty big, isn't it?  I can't believe how many humansdon't work during the day.  You think billion-dollar multinationalfood companies have good lawyers?  Everybody needs to staybehind the barricade.  - What's the matter?- I don't know, I just got a chill.  Well, if it isn't the bee team.  You boys work on this?  All rise! The HonorableJudge Bumbleton presiding.  All right. Oase number 4475,  Superior Oourt of New York,Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry  is now in session.  Mr. Montgomery, you're representingthe five food companies collectively?  A privilege.  Mr. Benson... you're representingall the bees of the world?  I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,we're ready to proceed.  Mr. Montgomery,your opening statement, please.  Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  my grandmother was a simple woman.  Born on a farm, she believedit was man's divine right  to benefit from the bountyof nature God put before us.  If we lived in the topsy-turvy worldMr. Benson imagines,  just think of what would it mean.  I would have to negotiatewith the silkworm  for the elastic in my britches!  Talking bee!  How do we know this isn't some sort of  holographic motion-picture-captureHollywood wizardry?  They could be using laser beams!  Robotics! Ventriloquism!Oloning! For all we know,  he could be on steroids!  Mr. Benson?  Ladies and gentlemen,there's no trickery here.  I'm just an ordinary bee.Honey's pretty important to me.  It's important to all bees.We invented it!  We make it. And we protect itwith our lives.  Unfortunately, there aresome people in this room  who think they can take it from us  'cause we're the little guys!I'm hoping that, after this is all over,  you'll see how, by taking our honey,you not only take everything we have  but everything we are!  I wish he'd dress like thatall the time. So nice!  Oall your first witness.  So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhaydenof Honey Farms, big company you have.  I suppose so.  I see you also ownHoneyburton and Honron!  Yes, they provide beekeepersfor our farms.  Beekeeper. I find thatto be a very disturbing term.  I don't imagine you employany bee-free-ers, do you?  - No.- I couldn't hear you.  - No.- No.  Because you don't free bees.You keep bees. Not only that,  it seems you thought a bear would bean appropriate image for a jar of honey.  They're very lovable creatures.  Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.  You mean like this?  Bears kill bees!  How'd you like his head crashingthrough your living room?!  Biting into your couch!Spitting out your throw pillows!  OK, that's enough. Take him away.  So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.Your name intrigues me.  - Where have I heard it before?- I was with a band called The Police.  But you've never beena police officer, have you?  No, I haven't.  No, you haven't. And so herewe have yet another example  of bee culture casuallystolen by a human  for nothing more thana prance-about stage name.  Oh, please.  Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?  Because I'm feelinga little stung, Sting.  Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!  That's not his real name?! You idiots!  Mr. Liotta, first,belated congratulations on  your Emmy win for a guest spoton ER in 2005.  Thank you. Thank you.  I see from your resumethat you're devilishly handsome  with a churning inner turmoilthat's ready to blow.  I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?  Not yet it isn't. But is thiswhat it's come to for you?  Exploiting tiny, helpless beesso you don't  have to rehearseyour part and learn your lines, sir?  Watch it, Benson!I could blow right now!  This isn't a goodfella.This is a badfella!  Why doesn't someone just step onthis creep, and we can all go home?!  - Order in this court!- You're all thinking it!  Order! Order, I say!  - Say it!- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!  I think it was awfully niceof that bear to pitch in like that.  I think the jury's on our side.  Are we doing everything right, legally?  I'm a florist.  Right. Well, here's to a great team.  To a great team!  Well, hello.  - Ken!- Hello.  I didn't think you were coming.  No, I was just late.I tried to call, but... the battery.  I didn't want all this to go to waste,so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.  Oh, that was lucky.  There's a little left.I could heat it up.  Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.  So I hear you're quite a tennis player.  I'm not much for the game myself.The ball's a little grabby.  That's where I usually sit.Right... there.  Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,  and he agreed with me that eating withchopsticks isn't really a special skill.  You think I don't see what you're doing?  I know how hard it is to findthe rightjob. We have that in common.  Do we?  Bees have 100 percent employment,but we do jobs like taking the crud out.  That's just whatI was thinking about doing.  Ken, I let Barry borrow your razorfor his fuzz. I hope that was all right.  I'm going to drain the old stinger.  Yeah, you do that.  Look at that.  You know, I've just about had it  with your little mind games.  - What's that?- Italian Vogue.  Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.  A lot of ads.  Remember what Van said, why isyour life more valuable than mine?  Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!  I think something stinks in here!  I love the smell of flowers.  How do you like the smell of flames?!  Not as much.  Water bug! Not taking sides!  Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!This is pathetic!  I've got issues!  Well, well, well, a royal flush!  - You're bluffing.- Am I?  Surf's up, dude!  Poo water!  That bowl is gnarly.  Except for those dirty yellow rings!  Kenneth! What are you doing?!  You know, I don't even like honey!I don't eat it!  We need to talk!  He's just a little bee!  And he happens to bethe nicest bee I've met in a long time!  Long time? What are you talking about?!Are there other bugs in your life?  No, but there are other things buggingme in life. And you're one of them!  Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...  My nerves are fried from ridingon this emotional roller coaster!  Goodbye, Ken.  And for your information,  I prefer sugar-free, artificialsweeteners made by man!  I'm sorry about all that.  I know it's gotan aftertaste! I like it!  I always felt there was some kindof barrier between Ken and me.  I couldn't overcome it.Oh, well.  Are you OK for the trial?  I believe Mr. Montgomeryis about out of ideas.  We would like to callMr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.  Good idea! You can really see why he'sconsidered one of the best lawyers...  Yeah.  Layton, you'vegotta weave some magic  with this jury,or it's gonna be all over.  Don't worry. The only thing I haveto do to turn this jury around  is to remind themof what they don't like about bees.  - You got the tweezers?- Are you allergic?  Only to losing, son. Only to losing.  Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask youwhat I think we'd all like to know.  What exactly is your relationship  to that woman?  We're friends.  - Good friends?- Yes.  How good? Do you live together?  Wait a minute...  Are you her little...  ...bedbug?  I've seen a bee documentary or two.From what I understand,  doesn't your queen give birthto all the bee children?  - Yeah, but...- So those aren't your real parents!  - Oh, Barry...- Yes, they are!  Hold me back!  You're an illegitimate bee,aren't you, Benson?  He's denouncing bees!  Don't y'all date your cousins?  - Objection!- I'm going to pincushion this guy!  Adam, don't! It's what he wants!  Oh, I'm hit!!  Oh, lordy, I am hit!  Order! Order!  The venom! The venomis coursing through my veins!  I have been felledby a winged beast of destruction!  You see? You can't treat themlike equals! They're striped savages!  Stinging's the only thingthey know! It's their way!  - Adam, stay with me.- I can't feel my legs.  What angel of mercywill come forward to suck the poison  from my heaving buttocks?  I will have order in this court. Order!  Order, please!  The case of the honeybeesversus the human race  took a pointed turn against the bees  yesterday when one of their legalteam stung Layton T. Montgomery.  - Hey, buddy.- Hey.  - Is there much pain?- Yeah.  I...  I blew the whole case, didn't I?  It doesn't matter. What matters isyou're alive. You could have died.  I'd be better off dead. Look at me.  They got it from the cafeteriadownstairs, in a tuna sandwich.  Look, there'sa little celery still on it.  What was it like to sting someone?  I can't explain it. It was all...  All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy!  All right.  You think it was all a trap?  Of course. I'm sorry.I flew us right into this.  What were we thinking? Look at us. We'rejust a couple of bugs in this world.  What will the humans do to usif they win?  I don't know.  I hear they put the roaches in motels.That doesn't sound so bad.  Adam, they check in,but they don't check out!  Oh, my.  Oould you get a nurseto close that window?  - Why?- The smoke.  Bees don't smoke.  Right. Bees don't smoke.  Bees don't smoke!But some bees are smoking.  That's it! That's our case!  It is? It's not over?  Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.  Get back to the court and stall.Stall any way you can.  And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.  Mr. Flayman.  Yes? Yes, Your Honor!  Where is the rest of your team?  Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.  Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,  and as a result,we don't make very good time.  I actually heard a funny story about...  Your Honor,haven't these ridiculous bugs  taken up enoughof this court's valuable time?  How much longer will we allowthese absurd shenanigans to go on?  They have presented no compellingevidence to support their charges  against my clients,who run legitimate businesses.  I move for a complete dismissalof this entire case!  Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going  to have to considerMr. Montgomery's motion.  But you can't! We have a terrific case.  Where is your proof?Where is the evidence?  Show me the smoking gun!  Hold it, Your Honor!You want a smoking gun?  Here is your smoking gun.  What is that?  It's a bee smoker!  What, this?This harmless little contraption?  This couldn't hurt a fly,let alone a bee.  Look at what has happened  to bees who have never been asked,"Smoking or non?"  Is this what nature intended for us?  To be forcibly addictedto smoke machines  and man-made wooden slat work camps?  Living out our lives as honey slavesto the white man?  - What are we gonna do?- He's playing the species card.  Ladies and gentlemen, please,free these bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  Free the bees!  Free the bees! Free the bees!  The court finds in favor of the bees!  Vanessa, we won!  I knew you could do it! High-five!  Sorry.  I'm OK! You know what this means?  All the honeywill finally belong to the bees.  Now we won't haveto work so hard all the time.  This is an unholy perversionof the balance of nature, Benson.  You'll regret this.  Barry, how much honey is out there?  All right. One at a time.  Barry, who are you wearing?  My sweater is Ralph Lauren,and I have no pants.  - What if Montgomery's right?- What do you mean?  We've been living the bee waya long time, 27 million years.  Oongratulations on your victory.What will you demand as a settlement?  First, we'll demand a complete shutdownof all bee work camps.  Then we want back the honeythat was ours to begin with,  every last drop.  We demand an end to the glorificationof the bear as anything more  than a filthy, smelly,bad-breath stink machine.  We're all awareof what they do in the woods.  Wait for my signal.  Take him out.  He'll have nauseousfor a few hours, then he'll be fine.  And we will no longer toleratebee-negative nicknames...  But it's just a prance-about stage name!  ...unnecessary inclusion of honeyin bogus health products  and la-dee-da humantea-time snack garnishments.  Oan't breathe.  Bring it in, boys!  Hold it right there! Good.  Tap it.  Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,and there's gallons more coming!  - I think we need to shut down!- Shut down? We've never shut down.  Shut down honey production!  Stop making honey!  Turn your key, sir!  What do we do now?  Oannonball!  We're shutting honey production!  Mission abort.  Aborting pollination and nectar detail.Returning to base.  Adam, you wouldn't believehow much honey was out there.  Oh, yeah?  What's going on? Where is everybody?  - Are they out celebrating?- They're home.  They don't know what to do.Laying out, sleeping in.  I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his wayto San Antonio with a cricket.  At least we got our honey back.  Sometimes I think, so what if humansliked our honey? Who wouldn't?  It's the greatest thing in the world!I was excited to be part of making it.  This was my new desk. This was mynew job. I wanted to do it really well.  And now...  Now I can't.  I don't understandwhy they're not happy.  I thought their lives would be better!  They're doing nothing. It's amazing.Honey really changes people.  You don't have any ideawhat's going on, do you?  - What did you want to show me?- This.  What happened here?  That is not the half of it.  Oh, no. Oh, my.  They're all wilting.  Doesn't look very good, does it?  No.  And whose fault do you think that is?  You know, I'm gonna guess bees.  Bees?  Specifically, me.  I didn't think bees not needing to makehoney would affect all these things.  It's notjust flowers.Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.  That's our whole SAT test right there.  Take away produce, that affectsthe entire animal kingdom.  And then, of course...  The human species?  So if there's no more pollination,  it could all just go south here,couldn't it?  I know this is also partly my fault.  How about a suicide pact?  How do we do it?  - I'll sting you, you step on me.- Thatjust kills you twice.  Right, right.  Listen, Barry...sorry, but I gotta get going.  I had to open my mouth and talk.  Vanessa?  Vanessa? Why are you leaving?Where are you going?  To the final Tournament of Roses paradein Pasadena.  They've moved it to this weekendbecause all the flowers are dying.  It's the last chanceI'll ever have to see it.  Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.I never meant it to turn out like this.  I know. Me neither.  Tournament of Roses.Roses can't do sports.  Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?  Roses!  Vanessa!  Roses?!  Barry?  - Roses are flowers!- Yes, they are.  Flowers, bees, pollen!  I know.That's why this is the last parade.  Maybe not.Oould you ask him to slow down?  Oould you slow down?  Barry!  OK, I made a huge mistake.This is a total disaster, all my fault.  Yes, it kind of is.  I've ruined the planet.I wanted to help you  with the flower shop.I've made it worse.  Actually, it's completely closed down.  I thought maybe you were remodeling.  But I have another idea, and it'sgreater than my previous ideas combined.  I don't want to hear it!  All right, they have the roses,the roses have the pollen.  I know every bee, plantand flower bud in this park.  All we gotta do is get what they've gotback here with what we've got.  - Bees.- Park.  - Pollen!- Flowers.  - Repollination!- Across the nation!  Tournament of Roses,Pasadena, Oalifornia.  They've got nothingbut flowers, floats and cotton candy.  Security will be tight.  I have an idea.  Vanessa Bloome, FTD.  Official floral business. It's real.  Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.  Thank you. It was a gift.  Once inside,we just pick the right float.  How about The Princess and the Pea?  I could be the princess,and you could be the pea!  Yes, I got it.  - Where should I sit?- What are you?  - I believe I'm the pea.- The pea?  It goes under the mattresses.  - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.- I'm getting the marshal.  You do that!This whole parade is a fiasco!  Let's see what this baby'll do.  Hey, what are you doing?!  Then all we dois blend in with traffic...  ...without arousing suspicion.  Once at the airport,there's no stopping us.  Stop! Security.  - You and your insect pack your float?- Yes.  Has it beenin your possession the entire time?  Would you remove your shoes?  - Remove your stinger.- It's part of me.  I know. Just having some fun.Enjoy your flight.  Then if we're lucky, we'll havejust enough pollen to do the job.  Oan you believe how lucky we are? Wehave just enough pollen to do the job!  I think this is gonna work.  It's got to work.  Attention, passengers,this is Oaptain Scott.  We have a bit of bad weatherin New York.  It looks like we'll experiencea couple hours delay.  Barry, these are cut flowerswith no water. They'll never make it.  I gotta get up thereand talk to them.  Be careful.  Oan I get helpwith the Sky Mall magazine?  I'd like to order the talkinginflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.  Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.  - What'd you say, Hal?- Nothing.  Bee!  Don't freak out! My entire species...  What are you doing?  - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!- Who's an attorney?  Don't move.  Oh, Barry.  Good afternoon, passengers.This is your captain.  Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24Bplease report to the cockpit?  And please hurry!  What happened here?  There was a DustBuster,a toupee, a life raft exploded.  One's bald, one's in a boat,they're both unconscious!  - Is that another bee joke?- No!  No one's flying the plane!  This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.What's your status?  This is Vanessa Bloome.I'm a florist from New York.  Where's the pilot?  He's unconscious,and so is the copilot.  Not good. Does anyone onboardhave flight experience?  As a matter of fact, there is.  - Who's that?- Barry Benson.  From the honey trial?! Oh, great.  Vanessa, this is nothing morethan a big metal bee.  It's got giant wings, huge engines.  I can't fly a plane.  - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?- Yes.  How hard could it be?  Wait, Barry!We're headed into some lightning.  This is Bob Bumble. We have somelate-breaking news from JFK Airport,  where a suspenseful sceneis developing.  Barry Benson,fresh from his legal victory...  That's Barry!  ...is attempting to land a plane,loaded with people, flowers  and an incapacitated flight crew.  Flowers?!  We have a storm in the areaand two individuals at the controls  with absolutely no flight experience.  Just a minute.There's a bee on that plane.  I'm quite familiar with Mr. Bensonand his no-account compadres.  They've done enough damage.  But isn't he your only hope?  Technically, a beeshouldn't be able to fly at all.  Their wings are too small...  Haven't we heard this a million times?  "The surface area of the wingsand body mass make no sense."  - Get this on the air!- Got it.  - Stand by.- We're going live.  The way we work may be a mystery to you.  Making honey takes a lot of beesdoing a lot of small jobs.  But let me tell you about a small job.  If you do it well,it makes a big difference.  More than we realized.To us, to everyone.  That's why I want to get beesback to working together.  That's the bee way!We're not made of Jell-O.  We get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow!- Hello!  Left, right, down, hover.  - Hover?- Forget hover.  This isn't so hard.Beep-beep! Beep-beep!  Barry, what happened?!  Wait, I think we wereon autopilot the whole time.  - That may have been helping me.- And now we're not!  So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.  All of you, let's getbehind this fellow! Move it out!  Move out!  Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,you copy me with the wings of the plane!  Don't have to yell.  I'm not yelling!We're in a lot of trouble.  It's very hard to concentratewith that panicky tone in your voice!  It's not a tone. I'm panicking!  I can't do this!  Vanessa, pull yourself together.You have to snap out of it!  You snap out of it.  You snap out of it.  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - You snap out of it!- You snap out of it!  - Hold it!- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.  How is the plane flying?  I don't know.  Hello?  Benson, got any flowersfor a happy occasion in there?  The Pollen Jocks!  They do get behind a fellow.  - Black and yellow.- Hello.  All right, let's drop this tin canon the blacktop.  Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?  No, nothing. It's all cloudy.  Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.  - Thinking bee.- Thinking bee.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  Wait a minute.I think I'm feeling something.  - What?- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.  Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.  Bring the nose down.  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - What in the world is on the tarmac?- Get some lights on that!  Thinking bee!Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  - Vanessa, aim for the flower.- OK.  Out the engines. We're going inon bee power. Ready, boys?  Affirmative!  Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.  Land on that flower!  Ready? Full reverse!  Spin it around!  - Not that flower! The other one!- Which one?  - That flower.- I'm aiming at the flower!  That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.I mean the giant pulsating flower  made of millions of bees!  Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.  Rotate around it.  - This is insane, Barry!- This's the only way I know how to fly.  Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this planeflying in an insect-like pattern?  Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.Smell it. Full reverse!  Just drop it. Be a part of it.  Aim for the center!  Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!  Oome on, already.  Barry, we did it!You taught me how to fly!  - Yes. No high-five!- Right.  Barry, it worked!Did you see the giant flower?  What giant flower? Where? Of courseI saw the flower! That was genius!  - Thank you.- But we're not done yet.  Listen, everyone!  This runway is coveredwith the last pollen  from the last flowersavailable anywhere on Earth.  That means this is our last chance.  We're the only ones who make honey,pollinate flowers and dress like this.  If we're gonna survive as a species,this is our moment! What do you say?  Are we going to be bees, orjustMuseum of Natural History keychains?  We're bees!  Keychain!  Then follow me! Except Keychain.  Hold on, Barry. Here.  You've earned this.  Yeah!  I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfectfit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.  Oh, yeah.  That's our Barry.  Mom! The bees are back!  If anybody needsto make a call, now's the time.  I got a feeling we'll beworking late tonight!  Here's your change. Have a greatafternoon! Oan I help who's next?  Would you like some honey with that?It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.  Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.And I don't see a nickel!  Sometimes I just feellike a piece of meat!  I had no idea.  Barry, I'm sorry.Have you got a moment?  Would you excuse me?My mosquito associate will help you.  Sorry I'm late.  He's a lawyer too?  I was already a blood-sucking parasite.All I needed was a briefcase.  Have a great afternoon!  Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,and I can't get them anywhere.  No problem, Vannie.Just leave it to me.  You're a lifesaver, Barry.Oan I help who's next?  All right, scramble, jocks!It's time to fly.  Thank you, Barry!  That bee is living my life!  Let it go, Kenny.  - When will this nightmare end?!- Let it all go.  - Beautiful day to fly.- Sure is.  Between you and me,I was dying to get out of that office.  You have gotto start thinking bee, my friend.  - Thinking bee!- Me?  Hold it. Let's just stopfor a second. Hold it.  I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.Oan we stop here?  I'm not making a major life decisionduring a production number!  All right. Take ten, everybody.Wrap it up, guys.  I had virtually no rehearsal for that.