#patrick x ted

[scrarefest]

Happy Thursday!!! Please enjoy some wonderful sibling bonding, burgeoning relationships, and fanart!

Want to follow along with us? Create a copy of this handy, dandy spreadsheet to keep track of the works you read & engage with. And don’t forget to leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed the works!

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catch you when you fall

[Alexis/Twyla and Alexis & David, Teen, 9,718]

Alexis makes a surprise visit to Schitt's Creek to spend some quality time with her girlfriend. But David is under the weather, and with Patrick out of town, Alexis tries her best to take care of him.

***

Hey, Brewer

[Patrick, Ronnie, Teen, 6,393]

A week before, Patrick would have said Ronnie asking for his help was impossible but when she comes into the store to do just that he tries his hardest, despite his confusion and questions. Even after she leaves, their interaction preys on his mind. Over the next few weeks something starts to shift between them but Patrick can't help but be curious as to what started it all off and what Ronnie's thinking.

***

here kitty, kitty

[Ted/Patrick, Teen, 1,352]

Patrick didn't expect to find a cat or meet a hot vet 

***

oh, i kinda of think i wanna make it last forever

[Stevie/Ruth, Teen, 2,206]

Ruth can scream. She can wail. She can effortlessly hit the kind of notes that Axl Rose has to warm up for, jumping from pitch to pitch with the kind of abandon that seems like precision. And she knows how to dial it back, following Patrick's lead with an obvious ease that startles Stevie. When their voices meld together, Ruth matching him beat for beat, note by note, Stevie can't help herself.

She catches Mutt's eye, tilting her head towards the vocalists, and bites back a grin when the two of them join in.

And the funny thing is: this shouldn't be so effortlessly easy. The four of them have never played together before.

Voting her into the band, though, is the easiest decision that Stevie's ever made.

--

OR: Stevie hates when people tell her to smile. After Ruth joins her band, though, she can't stop smiling.

***

[Fanart] There’s a Dead Guy in Room 4

[Stevie & Roland, General, 0]

The coroner said he’d be discreet with the body removal…so why did 6 people show up to assist? And, why were they all wearing hazmat suits?

***

Creators, don’t forget to update your posting dates if your work was revealed today!

[sijjelly]

thinking abt how polyamory could save a lot of lives

[gnnosis]

colin hughes, you would LOVE schitt’s creek

(x)

[awesometothe3rd]

[faesfairies]

list of my favourite otps → [11/∞] barney stinson & robin scherbatsky

I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I am a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted too. And there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming, and humbling, and even painful, at times. But I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.

[robntunney]

PATRICK JANE & TERESA LISBON The Mentalist | 6.15 White as the Driven Snow

[ask-me-what-my-sideblog-is]

Nobody talk to me

[fannyspammy]

Fixing the Yips

Barney Stinson x fem!Reader

18+, hair pulling, fingering, daddy kink, unprotected sex etc

Based on S3E11 “The Yips”

A/N: this came to me while I was rewatching himym and I had to write it down so enjoy

You’d always gotten along with Barney, even though he could be absolutely ridiculous and childish. In fact, it was often your love for fun and adventure that brought you closer— laser tag matches, last minute flights just for a change in scenery, licking the liberty bell…

And you had to admit he was attractive. The suit effect was real, and the fact he wore them every day didn’t stale the fact; you’d never get tired of the sight of him in a suit. Still, you bet he was just as attractive without it. In fact you’d spent a few sleepless nights picturing him suitless, hovering over you (or under you). You were too proud to make a move, though, and although you didn’t know it, Barney was too shy to make a move on you.

But when Barney had run into Rhonda, the woman he’d lost his virginity to, he’d caught a bad case of the yips. You’d never seen Barney this way — so unconfident, so out of it, and you knew the perfect way to fix him.

You walked nervously up to Barney’s apartment, clutching your trench coat in the pockets. Your hair was pinned up loosely, holding your day old curls away from your face, framing it perfectly. When he opened the door he looked surprised to see you. But his face soon returned to its downcast expression as he trudged to the couch and slumped in his seat. His grey sweatpants and blue hoodie were a contrast from how you usually saw him, but you knew you only needed a few minutes to get his confident energy back.

“I heard you had the yips,” you said, stepping out of your heels. He glanced over at you without turning his head. You began to unbutton your coat as you strutted toward him slowly.

“I thought I would help you… fix it,” you said with a gentle bite of your lower lip. Barney turned to look at you, eyeing you up and down as you teasingly pulled back your coat, revealing the flimsy red lace that barely covered your body.

Barney raised his eyebrows. “Y/n what are you doing?” His hands instinctively resting on your thighs as you gently climbed into his lap. Lowering your lips to his ear you whispered, “I told you, I’m helping you.”

With that, you brought your lips to his. The kiss started out sweet and gentle, but soon your tongues were wrestling at a steady pace. Barney tugged on your hair, and you moaned as he pulled your head back, placing sloppy kisses down your neck. Your hair spilled from its pinned position and down over your shoulders as Barney kept pulling your hair and sucking hickies on your neck. You felt a growing wetness in your panties as a sudden need for more of Barney washed over you, and you ground your hips against him to satisfy your craving.

Barney groaned under the movement and you felt him growing under you. You unzipped the hoodie he was wearing and threw it across the room. Wrapping your legs around his waist you pushed your dripping core harder against him and dragged your nails down his chest.

Barney had a hand squeezing your ass and the other freeing your boobs from your bra before squeezing one as his tongue moved toward the other one, teasing the nipple before taking it into his mouth and sucking desperately.

“Mmm, Barney, more, please,” you begged, and he obeyed.

He looked up at you, eyes on yours as he continued sucking your breasts and slid a finger past your panties, through the wetness of your folds and began circling your clit. Encouraged by your moans of pleasure he went faster before thrusting 2 fingers in. Curling his fingers slowly, he watched lustfully as your face contorted in pleasure by his own doing.

“You like that, baby? Daddy making you feel good?” Barney purred into your ear as he pawed your breast roughly with his free hand.

“Mmm, yes daddy, so good… please, more,” you praised him.

“Tell daddy what you want.”

“I want — oh!— to feel you — mmm— in me, daddy… mmm please! I want to cum around your cock!” You said between moans.

Flipping you onto your back, Barney flung your legs over his shoulders and positioned himself at your entrance.

He hesitated before pushing into you. “You sure you want this?” he asked.

“Yes daddy please!”

Holding onto your hips he thrust into you, allowing you a moment to adjust to his size before starting a steady pace. The room was filled with the sound of your moans, your cries of pleasure and the slapping of skin on skin. The more you said his name the harder he thrust into you, hand around your throat, other rubbing your clit as your nails raked across his back, sure to leave marks.

Over and over again you called his name, and with every praise the yips left him, until he was back to his confident sexual self. Soon he was flipping you backwards and forwards, fucking you hard in a dozen different positions. You had already come twice, but were quickly brought into round three so Barney could finish.

About an hour later he had you pinned against his large window, arms held tightly above your head with one hand while the other held your leg up so he could pound into you from behind. When he was finally on the brink of his high he released your arms to circle your clit as he came hard in you, white liquid filling your pussy as you came with him, reaching your third high, a loud cry coming from each of you, your names spilling from your lips as he rode you through your high.

When you’d both caught your breath Barney turned you around so you were facing him. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, he looked at you for a moment, studying your face before placing a kiss on your lips.

“Thank you,” he said as he pulled away. You smiled at him before meeting him in another kiss.

Then Barney said something he’d never said to another girl.

“Wanna stay the night?”

[luxurysystems]

If I'm gonna do this Vice City AU any justice, you know I have to give Irwin the loading screen treatment.

[erebusvincent]

I recently rediscovered that I have this pretty nice collection of autographs. I know I have a couple more of Hugh Jackman and Patrick Stewart, my favorite actors, framed. Xena, Stargate Atlantis, and Prison Break (just season one) are some of my favorite shows so it’s a real treat to find these.

I also have 44 of Antony Starr and some pretty sweet ones of Gal Gadot, Christopher Meloni, and Mariska Hargitay, but I remembered those so it’s not an exciting discovery.

After a couple of decades of collecting, you don’t even remember what you have anymore.

[zoyasribbon]

me explaining all the reasons why I would die for zoyalai

[graphicabyss]

S05EP05

Well, that was a fun mess.

[scfrozenover]

❄️ A Rose for Christmas ❄️

By lizzie_bennetdarcy (@lizzie-bennetdarcy)

[David/Patrick, Ted/Alexis, M, 12,744 words] “David! I’m good, okay? Stop freaking out. I have news.” The roar of blood rushing through his head has subsided enough that he can actually hear her now. Alexis sounds… nervous? “What's your news?” He asks carefully. Maybe she's being held hostage, and that's why she's acting so weird? He wills his breathing to calm down so he can focus. She sighs dramatically. “You have to promise not to freak out, okay? I know how you get.” “‘How I get’ — fuck off Alexis, just tell me your news.” “I'm getting married.” David takes some time away from his big city life to come help his little sister plan her wedding. He doesn't count on falling head over heels for the handsome, small town best man.

[shesmyevangeline]

anyway i think grad night may be one of my favorite schitt's creek episodes (maybe my favorite?) tbh. moira showing up for alexis? david and patrick's first kiss? perfection

[hyper-fix-ate]

spent all of 2022 tracking every fic i read and i've never loved something more

cc & infinite kudos for:

@blueink3

@legalgal421

@nontoxic-writes

@simplymarleycat

(if anyone knows ao3 user mannaberry's tumblr account pls let me know so i can thank them for their work :,))

[mildly-hebraic-looking-elf]

@schittscreekdrabbleblog word challenge: Hurried

********

David’s phone startles him awake. He’s already hurrying out of bed, heart pounding, as he answers. He has to rescue Alexis. Alone. Again. This is so stressful.

———

David’s phone startles him awake. The ingrained panic hits, then excitement infiltrates as the text snaps him into the present.

“Is that Alexis?”

“It’s Ted. But yes, they’re having the baby.”

Patrick is immediately out of bed and getting ready. David……..needs a minute, ok?

“I’m not ready for this.”

“Breathe. You know, like those exercises they teach the actual pregnant person.”

“This is a very stressful moment for me!”

“I know, David.”