#past this tag everything is a vent apologies

[ouroboobos]

Moodboard for when its barely past 10 am and the horrors.

Also long ass fucking rant under the cut tw for mentions of depression, disordered eating, suicidal thoughts, shitty mom. Its been a bad morning im sorryyyyyyy ♡

Literally why does my mother care so much more about her fiances kids than us. I dont think she actually loves them more, ik she loves us a lot which is weirdly part of what makes her so difficult to be around. But shes has so much more compassion and concern for them.

Two of his kids have been depressed and with the first one she like talked about it with me and described this whole plan they had where they were gonna sit down with her and comfort her and give her space to talk if she wanted and make sure she knew she wasnt in trouble. She was so sympathetic it was fucking unbelievable. And his other daughter is apparently in a bad spot rn so hes taking a day off from work to spend time with her and my mother is planning this whole dinner thing with everyone to get her socializing and out of the house a little bit to help her feel a little better. Like are you FUCKING kidding me lmfao.

When I was 13 and I had to go into treatment because I was gonna kms she spent almost the entire time guilt tripping me and yelling at me and making me feel like shit because it was "so hard for her" and I was "trying to make her feel like a bad mother" and "making people think she was abusive". Nicest thing she did was buy me McDonalds when I got discharged and she brought it up constantly for months afterwards. I was practically never allowed to leave the house already, but she started restricting me even more. She'd get angry at me for not talking to her about my problems (because she believed I was doing it to try to make her feel guilty) but if I ever told her I'd had a panic attack or a flashback shed get annoyed and say "well I dont know what you want me to do about it" OR shed freak the fuck out about how I was only saying that to get attention or make her feel like she wasnt doing a good job as my parent. She found out the people at the facility said there were some changes she could make that might help my mental health, and she got so upset that my grandma took me out for a few hours so I wouldn't have to be around her until she'd cooled down a little.

I've regularly been so suicidal that I had detailed plans written up for how I was going to go through with it and I never sought help for it again because I knew from experience how shed respond. The only things that have kept me alive for years at a time were my little brother and the fear of hell instilled in me by my Christian upbringing lmfao. And here she is planning out social events and spending hours comforting her fiance's kids when they hit a rough patch. Are you fucking serious? You had this in you the whole fucking time?

I could write a whole fucking essay on the role she's played in my disordered eating patterns. I could write an even longer essay about how she handled my sexual abuse. Her accusations that I was sleeping with everyone got even worse whwn she found out lmfao. And this fucking cunt wants to make dinner and get ice cream for her FIANCE'S KIDS because theyre sad. Obviously I'm glad shes treating them better but like christ what makes them so much better? Is it because theyre smart and come from a nicer family? They have an actual future ahead of them because theyre uprbinging didnt traumatize them? Is it that theyre not tainted like I am I dont get it what about me is so horrible that she couldnt even hug me when I was a child and she cares so much about another persons kids

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Hello, just stumbled on this blog

For a long time, I thought I skewed more to anti, since I knew I didn't agree with or like particular pairings or topics. As such I blocked those tags and posts, or vented privately if something truly upset me

However, I was reading other blogs regarding pro, and perhaps I actually skew more pro instead? I thought pro was simply endorsing everything, while anti meant you didn't. Which therefore seemed to mean I was more anti

I never liked the 'fantasy/fiction does not influence/affect reality' arguments I've seen, but I also do not believe in harassment (or worse) when block buttons are available. Therefore I've usually avoided all shipcourse since the topic did not seem appealing or align with me

Either way, I'm feeling unsure. So I'm curious what you might say. Apologies if I seem poorly updated on this, but it's been bugging at me recently. Thanks for answering if you do reply

By definition, you are proship.

You follow DL;DR, you block and move on, you don't cruelly engage with those who create content that disgusts you.

All being proship really is is being anti-harassment and pro-'use the goddamn block button'.

You don't have to engage or even really support icky content, you just have to peacefully move past it and go on with your day.

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

About Kirbypurrs:

Recently, they made a post talking about a targeted smear campaign against them. As someone who used to be a close friend of theirs, I wanted to share my experiences.

On the surface they're certainly charismatic and easy to talk to, but they've never been able to hold down any relationship deeper than that due to their own faults. In all the time I've known them personally, they've shown to be nothing but an incredibly self-absorbed, toxic, and manipulative person who is unable to accept fault or responsibility for a situation they caused or got wrapped into of their own volition. Time and time again I've given them chances and chances and tried to reach out to them and be understanding and thought the best of them only to be let down by them as a friend and told, actually, I'm the problem, no matter what that situation is. If you try to come up to them about a concern, or tell them you they shouldn't do whatever thing, they will apologize to your face, but in reality, they'll always claim it was a You problem. For example, one time Purrs broke a preestablished rule of our friend group chat. We had that rule written down and put in pins, even. When I told them to stop, they made it out to be me "not letting them speak when something bad happened to them again" and that I was being mean to them by telling them to stop in the first place. This is the kind of person Purrs is. They never apologized about their actions and still think that I wronged them to this day.

Purrs claims that no one has ever come up to them telling them what the issue is. This is BLATANTLY untrue. It is a long, long pattern spanning many years with them that they will avoid confrontation at any costs, even if that confrontation is as simple as a "hey, could you not do this?". They have ghosted people for coming up to them about concerns, and will often dodge around the concern in the first place. Purrs if you're reading this, I have personally tried to reach out to you about concerns only for you to say "I would tell you if I had a problem with you" and then go to the extent of leaving voice chats when I join, softblocking me from your priv, and actively avoiding me wherever I am, without warning or explanation, all for having the audacity to ask you if there was an issue in the first place. And I am not the first person you have done this to, by far. I have personally witnessed you do this to another person not including me, just in the slightly more than a year we were friends. I have spoken to people who were friends with you years before I was friends with you who had the same experience. You have told us stories of how "overbearing" and "clingy" others have been in the past for daring to constantly ask if you had an issue with them due to your poor treatment of them. And despite your claimed "I would tell you if I had a problem with you" attitude, I personally have seen you actively avoid Another two people when they tried to be friendly with you, only for you to shittalk them to absolute hell in our friend group chat about things they could never have known were rubbing you the wrong way, or about things that were, quite frankly, stupid of you to make their fault anyways. Remember that time you got mad at someone because their headcanons were getting more attention than yours? Remember that time you hated someone's guts and ranted about them on multiple occasions in our group chat because you were upset they didn't use tone tags, and then when I said "You should tell them you need tone tags" you got pissed at me instead for not letting you vent? Good times /s

Purrs does not care about fixing problems any problems they cause. They are one of the most hypocritical people I have ever known. If you ever try to act like everything is anything but rainbows and sunshine, they will distance yourself from you and shittalk you behind your back before you even realize. They are the one that will make all these false and exaggerated claims about others. I have witnessed it again and again over situations I was there for, even. Again Purrs, if you are reading this, despite what you think and what you keep telling people, I'm not the reason this supposed smear campaign of yours has come up again. Everyone who speaks ill of you does so because of their own experiences with you. Everyone who I have spoken to about you did not have their opinion changed because of me; those were always their experiences from the start. I just made them realize that this has always been a pattern with you. I'm not going to say that I have never been in the wrong ever, and there are times I genuinely believe you've been unfairly treated and gotten the short end of the stick, but overall in this situation, I know that I am in the right due to the sheer amount of people you've fucked over the exact same way you have me. You are a shitty friend and a shitty person. I cannot express the countless amount of people you have fucked up badly by betraying our trust. It would do everyone well to stay away from you.

To anyone else who has had bad experiences with Purrs, I encourage you to state them on my post. Their behavior has always been a trend, but for the most part, everyone affected has been courteous enough to keep it in the private space. I am done with them playing the victim and I am done with others being hurt by them.

[dailygtwscar]

[248 - ARTIST SUPPORT 🧡]

It's Disability Pride Month!

If you're a disabled artist of any kind, please promote yourselves in my submissions!! I'll queue up everything till the end of the month. (I don't know how artists supports work here or if they're even a thing at all but !!!!!!!!!)

(rules are: no nsfw, no AI-generated images, no NFTs, tag your tweet with the proper warnings)

Also, here's some stuff I'd like to get off my chest (long text post ahead).

First of all, I wanna i want to mention something about how I draw Scar. I know I haven't been the best at drawing him with mobility aids. I'm still trying to get better at it. Scar himself has seen some of my posts & has never really said anything about how I draw him, but I personally don't think that's a valid excuse for me to only occasionally draw him with mobility aids. I apologize, and I will try my best to draw him with mobility aids more often now.

Another thing I wanna talk about is the reason I couldn't make a disability pride post earlier than I intended (which is honestly just me venting but it'll give a bit of context on my sporadic posting schedule). I was really anxious about it because of the internalized ableism / impostor syndrome I've been dealing with for the past year or so. I have an anxiety disorder and I am also neurodivergent. Somehow, it didn't feel right calling myself disabled even though it has made it almost impossible for me to get through highschool, have dropped out of college because of how severe my anxiety got, how rsd has kicked my butt since I was little, how it's so hard for me to read social cues and make friends, how my terrible memory has caused me forget the most simple & important things (and it has gotten me in trouble so many times), how most of the people in my life were ableist towards me, etc, and just overall how made it difficult for me to be a "normal" human in society. All because I've convinced myself that "it's not that bad" (spoiler alert, it is).

Even now, I still feel iffy calling myself disabled despite being diagnosed for nearly three years now. I felt like I didn't have the right to talk about anything related to disability because mine isn't physical. At the end of the day, I'm still disabled. I know it's not a bad thing. It's just very difficult. So please be patient with me, with both art and me in general. I'm really trying my hardest here.

[demigod-shenanigans]

"I can go into why i dislike ToA (especially Tyrant's Tomb is. a book that exists) but box of pandora. Once open good luck shutting me up" (source: your tags)

Now that you said that, i'm geniunely curious. Open the box. I dare you

This should be obvious but @ the people who really enjoyed ToA, this post is not for you. I’m not sure I’ll even tag it because this is mostly me venting into the void because two people asked and not me wanting to ruin other people’s fun. These are just my personal opinions.

I also apologize if I get any details wrong, I did recheck a lot of the things mentioned but it’s been a minute since I read ToA and might not remember everything 100% correctly. Also, obvious spoiler warning.

*claps hands together* Okay, you asked for this but heads up, it’s going to be long. Maybe grab a snack and a glass of water beforehand.

My beef with ToA can be summarized into a few key points that I’ll elaborate on below but basically:

-It tries to wrap up character arcs for some of the seven (and Reyna) but does this through the eyes of someone with zero context and also treats these characters arcs as unimportant footnotes in the larger story

-Jason’s death and everything surrounding it was handled extremely poorly.

-I cannot remember any demigods staying mad at Apollo. Redemption arcs should not mean everyone has to forgive this character for all the shit they’ve done in the past.

-The death toll. This is not helped by the fact that a lot of the deaths feel like they exist solely for the purpose of making Apollo learn death sucks over and over again (Jason is the worst example of this, but there are others)

More grievances I have but don’t have enough to say about to justify a longer explanation:

-There are a whole bunch of new minor characters on top of the old ones already struggling for screen time. I don’t remember much about any of them, which is a shame because the idea behind some of them is really compelling.

-The story is centered around the Triumvirate as antagonists, with Python as a final boss, but book four just dumps an additional antagonist on you out of nowhere? Why?

-Reyna rejecting Apollo is nice and all but I still had to put up with him crushing on her and was very uncomfortable the whole time.

-Chiron sends a bunch of new demigods into what’s potentially a death battle and tells them it’s a fun field trip (what the fuck)

-This is a personal grievance more than anything but it took me ages (book five) until I really got attached to Meg. I feel like that could have been fixed if she at least got a few POV chapters.

-Dishonorable mention to the punch line joke. Two whole camps of people lining up to hit the canonically abused kid that saved them is not funny.

Details under the cut (Pandora’s box, I did warn you)

Character arcs:

The books really do try to tell meaningful stories for people whose arcs weren’t finished in Heroes of Olympus. With some of them, you can even tell the ideas behind wrapping up those arcs were solid. But the books also tells those stories through the eyes of a character who doesn’t know these people’s pasts and quite frankly doesn’t care a lot of the time. People will voice/do something that is huge for their character and instead of going into that it’s followed up with some random Apollo anecdote that’s only tangentially related at best.

Taking Leo as an example: Apollo has no idea why Leo settling down and finding a home somewhere after everything he’s been through is meaningful. That’s a story that could have been the focus of an entire book of its own, but instead it’s just a side plot to a completely different story. And that story really should have been told through Leo’s eyes, or at least through the eyes of someone like Jason or Piper who realize why this is huge for him.

Apollo also does not care why Leo and Calypso are fighting, so it’s not something that’s properly explored. Leo’s fights with Calypso are mainly mentioned/witnessed. You get some guesses as to how they started but they never mention the exact reasons. They both say they care about each other, but only to Apollo, when the other person isn’t present. When they sort things out it happens largely off-screen. I was also not a fan of the way many of their issues ended up being pinned on Leo being sexist when it was actually way more than that.

ToA does this a lot. It gives arcs to characters who honestly deserved to be explored more, but those arcs are barely footnotes in a larger story where these characters just cameo for a hundred or so pages.

The cameo stuff works okay for Percy and Solangelo because the books are very aware they’re cameos and they get to have fun but this is not their story. But the characters the series tries to give proper plots to are all over the place.

It’s said that Jason and Thalia are really close but they never interact in the books. Jason had a bit of a chance at a normal life finally but that’s barely gone into. (More on Jason later because my god did how the books handled him piss me off massively)

Piper’s struggles with her queerness get the random Apollo anecdote treatment. There’s some stuff about her reconnecting with her dad and her heritage but that’s not explored a ton either.

Frank’s firewood burns up and he’s fine, which is just sort of hand-waved and doesn’t feel meaningful, especially because I think the fireproof pouch was already a fine solution? Congrats on being free of this, now you can get stabbed to death like all the other characters, I guess.

Reyna gets a sort of arc but it feels really weird because it happens almost entirely off-screen. She spends a large fraction of the book chiding Lavinia for leaving her post, then gets her leg broken, is off-screen for a while and then just DIPS with the Hunters after her home suffered huge casualties.

I also think her joining the Hunters is a super lame way to resolve her arc in general (she just lays down one responsibility to sign up for the next, and a character not wanting romance/not wanting romance right now should be allowed to exist without having to join the eternal maiden’s club, but that problem isn’t isolated to Reyna and could honestly be a whole post of its own)

This also comes down to the fact that I’m here mainly for the demigods. I care about these kids having good arcs and good lives. I care significantly less about Apollo having to learn really obvious shit like “murdering my pregnant girlfriend was perhaps a little messed up”

Jason’s death and everything surrounding it

Killing off a major character (especially one whose arc isn’t finished) can be a plot twist that works at times. But it has to be handled well. Doing it to a character that’s suffered horrifically and is starting to heal is also a hugely shitty move, but I understand you want meaningful deaths for the plot sometimes.

But you cannot do it the way Rick did it with Jason’s death. If he was going to kill off one of the seven, he should have done it in Heroes of Olympus, with that character narrating and their friends getting to deal with the aftermath and grieve.

Instead, Jason dies in a book that he appears in for like. A hundred pages iirc? Two-hundred at most? You get Apollo narration on it, and sure, he’s big sad about it, but he also knew this guy for two days.

Piper gets a few pages to deal with his death, then disappears from the book and comes back for a heroic rescue later. Leo gets like two pages to deal with the fact that his best friend is dead. They then proceed to fuck off to Oklahoma instead of going to the funeral. For what reason? No idea. The book doesn’t bother to explain it.

Jason gets a Camp Jupiter funeral, with none of his Camp Half-Blood friends present, because fuck the fact that him belonging to both camps was a huge part of his arc, right?

Piper and Leo know Jason is dead but they cannot be there because they’d already used up their time as ToA side characters, I guess. Percy and Annabeth can’t come, they don’t find out due to demigod communication issues until the end of the series. Thalia also doesn’t get to go to her brother’s funeral. She doesn’t find out until the funeral is already over. We don’t even really get to see her grieving, her finding out Jason died happens off-screen too.

Because this is the Apollo show, Apollo is the guy who leads the funeral procession instead of, like, Reyna, who knew Jason for years.

Also, for some reason, the person avenging Jason is Frank? Absolutely no offense to Frank, he’s a great guy and I’m sure he cared about Jason, but that choice still feels deeply comedic considering I can remember exactly one meaningful interaction him and Jason had in HoO (Jason giving Frank praetor position at the end of HoH) and not a single conversation they had beyond that. If Rick had to write Leo and Piper out of the plot, why not at least have Reyna avenge him?

Jason dies specifically because Apollo broke a stupid oath he made on the River Styx. We’re told that people around him will keep dying because of this. He dies as a chess piece in a stupid game between gods, for the sake of Apollo’s character development. He dies so he can be brought up every hundred pages for Apollo to waffle about how sad his death was but how he’d also definitely not want to be brought back (I get it, we cannot revive people constantly, but having Apollo make this point when, again, he knew the guy for two days, is still really stupid. Nico also gets to make the same point at the end just in case the reader didn’t understand before that we’re not bringing Jason back)

Apollo is forgiven by everyone

Related to the above point. Like I said, we’re outright told that Jason dying is a direct consequence of Apollo’s oath. Apollo also knew taking them along on the mission would get Jason or Piper killed and he did it anyway.

Piper gets to be mad at him very briefly, but when he tries to apologize at the end of the book, she interrupts him and tells him “it’s fine” (her voice is described as “no anger, just natural heat”)

Thalia doesn’t get to be mad at him at all. Her baby brother died and she just pats Apollo on the back and tells him “it’s fine, Jason made his own choices. That’s what heroes do.” And then it’s made about how Artemis lost Apollo when he got transformed into a human instead of. Like. The fact that Thalia just lost her baby brother for the second time in her life.

IT’S FINE?? THAT’S ALL ANYONE HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS??

Hell, Apollo even has a sort of dream hallucination of Jason’s ghost so that ghost can forgive him too.

Was that really necessary? Why do people think that a character learning to be better means absolutely everyone has to forgive them? Wouldn’t it have been a better sticking point for a god to learn people are allowed to stay mad at you?

The death toll

A lot of people die in these books. People dying in pjo books has always been a thing, but it’s never felt this pointless or this much like it was solely happening for a single person’s character development.

Jason is the most pointed example of this, but there are more. Starting with the fact that two of Apollo’s kids almost get torched in front of his face in the first book (Austin and Kayla) and somehow that is not a sticking point. I don’t think it’s ever brought up again afterwards.

Other characters that die so Apollo can learn death sucks:

-Several Dryads die saving the grove of Dodonna

-Heloise the Griffin

-One random unnamed demigod in Dark Prophecy (mentioning them because that’s where it occurs to Apollo demigod deaths also suck)

-Money Maker (Dryad)

-Crest

-Harpocrates and the Sybil of Cumae

The death toll in Tyrant’s Tomb is completely ridiculous. Like, “feels worse than Last Olympian despite not even being the final battle”-ridiculous. And unlike how Percy at least gets to use that tragic battle to change things in a fundamental way, the Camp Jupiter demigods don’t win anything significant. Their home is only almost completely destroyed. Some of them aren’t dead. That’s it.

If you remember the name of any side character Camp Jupiter demigod from HoO, there’s a very high chance they die in this book.

We don’t get exact numbers for how many people die. The book actually explicitly refuses to give numbers, stating “We didn’t count the dead. They weren’t numbers. They were people we had know, friends we had fought with.” (Which gets even more ironic due to the fact that, again, we barely have any named CJ demigods to begin with)

The closest thing we get to numbers are that 25 demigod members of the legion died in the battle before the book started, and towards the end there are fourteen total demigods still standing of the first to third cohort combined. Even if half the missing demigods are “just” so severely wounded that they can’t fight anymore, that’s still 60 dead kids! The pre-book battle was mentioned to have been hardest on the civilians. We don’t know how many of them died, and losses among the fourth and fifth cohort are also unknown, but that is a ridiculous amount of losses. Why are there so many dead kids in this book and why are we all just supposed to be okay with this?

Jupiter explicitly forbids the other gods to intervene. The only one who does is Diana, after an offering, and she takes her sweet time to get there. That camp is named after the guy! That’s people’s kids down there! I know the gods not helping their kids isn’t exactly new, but this is on a whole other level.

There are funerals but those are largely skipped over, and Frank announces that they’ll resolve this by asking Lupa to bring in more demigods so they’ll come back stronger, which. Baffling statement. Let’s just fix the dead people by replacing them.

TL;DR: Good on Apollo for learning to be better, but I really didn’t like how it was done. There were a handful of things I liked in almost all the books, not including Tyrant’s Tomb which wins the award for rrverse book I most wanted to chuck out of a window. Some of the ideas were good. I think the first and last books are mostly solid (largely due to the fact that those don’t try to shove in entire side character arcs). But the things I did enjoy just get very heavily outweighed by everything that annoyed and upset me.

I really wish ToA had been mostly new characters with maybe some minor cameos, and other people’s arcs had been saved for different books. I also think splitting the perspective between Apollo, Meg and maybe the character who was trying to have an arc in that specific book would have helped.

[king-midas-fortnite]

Hello. I assume there is little need for introduction, but I am Midas. I've recently returned from a brief..."sabbatical", shall we call it, in the Underworld.

My daughter, Jules thought it would be a good idea to keep a blog. Not sure why. Something about venting feelings, connecting with other people not in my crew, etc. Not exactly things I find very high priority, but I suppose it can't kill me. I'd know better than anyone what can, after all. And perhaps it'll make keeping tabs on people of interest easier...

Feel free to reach out, if you wish. Message me, tag me, whatever the case may be. I'll do my best to be active here. Whatever it takes to make my daughter happy. However, I am a busy man. Apologies if I miss anything.

((Keep reading for rules and notes!))

--------------------------------------------------

Rules and guidelines for interacting!

1. This blog is run by an adult. I am 26, my main is @snippydippy. Please keep this in mind when interacting with me. I ask that minors please consider a different Midas.

I will use (()) to indicate when I'm speaking out of character in any posts!

2. I don't mind NSFW content myself, but may not answer questions or reblog content pertaining to sexually explicit topics to keep things relatively appropriate.

3. This blog may contain ship content, it may not. I have ships I like, they may not be the ones you do. While my version of Midas is cis, he's not straight (bi king). If this bothers you, I don't know what to tell you.

4. My DMs and asks will always be open! Please don't be shy, Midas won't bite. I'm down to RP in the reblogs with anyone! However, DM roleplays for other adults only, please.

5. This blog will always be skewed towards a more serious vibe. I take my characterization of Midas very seriously (more so than I probably should for a FN character lol). You won't find much in the way of him being a silly guy. Even if I find it funny, if I don't think a situation would be in character for my version of him, it won't happen.

That's it as far as my rules go aside from the obvious "don't be a dick" sentiments that I feel I shouldn't have to say. Thank you for reading them! Next are just a couple notes on my headcanons for Midas.

-Midas has some control over his Golden Touch. I think of the curse in a way that is similar to chronic pains. Some days, it is manageable, and he can touch whatever he'd like without issue. Some days, it is bad. He has to avoid people, can't eat, and struggles getting through mundane tasks without frustration.

I believe his curse may also be in part tied to his emotions. Any intense anger, sadness, or other strong feelings will make it harder to control the Touch, and it does cause him some amount of pain when it's out of control. (Doing mental gymnastics to explain why Fortnite itself isn't consistent with his power.)

-Jules means everything to Midas. He will do absolutely anything in his power to keep his daughter safe and to keep his relationship with her in good standing. He's wronged her in the past, and is doing all he can to make up for those actions and lost time.

-His time in the underworld changed him a bit. He's less cold to the people close to him. He allows more feeling than pure calculation into his thought processes, but a stranger may not be able to tell. Midas is a relatively closed off man. He does not wear his emotions on his sleeve, and doesn't often make friends without some kind of benefit to be had from the relationship. Be it power or connections. However, the friendships he does have mean a great deal to him. He is quick to provide aid in any way he can to those he cares about.

Another thing about his imprisonment in Hell: Time in the underworld was experienced differently. While we may have waited four years for Midas to return, for him it was much, much longer. Now that he is back, he is determined to never be put in chains ever again.

-My version of him obviously has not left the island after returning from the underworld, instead opting to stay as his curiosity for how things have changed has gotten the better of him. He wants to keep up with the power struggles, and find a way to insert himself back into them.

This blog is semi-independent! Some lore is shared with @perseus-ihatemydad-fortnite in that he helped Midas escape from the Underworld. As well as most often being seen interacting with @kado-fortnite and @valeria-fortnite

Tags I'll use!

#Midas Answers -For asks answered in character

#Midas Posts -For interactions in character

#Gold Reserves -In-character reblogs of art, aesthetic posts, etc.

#Gold Encounter -For interactions between other characters that are meant to be read as happening in-person/privately

#Journal Entries - For uh. For Journal Entries lol. These are, in a meta sense, private to him. They are for interactions that happen on the Discord server rather than Tumblr for reader convenience.

- 👑 for anon messages

#Shut your trap snippy -For posts like these that include me talking OOC (I know, long tag. It's just what I've been using on my main blog for years to tag my own garbage lol)

Screenshot in this post and my header are from @corvidazed 💛

Thank you for getting all the way down here! I hope our interactions are fun!

[applbottmjeens]

AMERICAN TASTE

Phillip Graves x OC

tags: not super angsty, implied sex, hopeful(?) ending, Graves is a dickhead but he's in love, toxic ass relationship, MDNI anyway

summary: Phillip reminisces about how Anna used to be and who she is now.

Anna used to kiss his scars. 

An adorable gesture, and she definitely wasn't the only one who's done it. 

She didn't ask for stories, for reasons. Only soft kisses on whatever she'd find, and maybe a bite or two just to annoy him.

She took him for who he was- a cocky fuckin' asshole, a traitor, a cunning bastard who would tear her apart.

And she loved him anyway. Adored him like some misguided stray. He'd tell her he wasn't gonna cave into her charming little act so easily and she'd only hear that he called her charming.

What kind of bullshit was that? 

He knew she still loved him now. It's why she was here in his bed in the first place. Right?

But she doesn't kiss him at all. And who could blame her? 

It didn't mean he wasn't…upset by it. Offended even. 

He's said his apologies. Given her space. What about her forgiveness? He'd done so much for her. Given her this job, got her a place to hide from everyone else, got her someone she could trust to watch over the little bundle of joy that bastard from Busan had put in her before he fucked off out of the country. 

And now she couldn't even look at him. All because he said he loved her. 

She's in his bed, lying with her back turned to his as he plants gentle kisses on her back. Her muscles tense, his lips brushing over the tattoo she got in his memory when she was sure he was dead- an ace of spades card on fire, with the words: take this love to my grave.

There's a small bullet scar on her back. It's small and round like a pockmark healed near her shoulder. 

"...Gonna say anything?" He says, her silence more loud than any of the noises they'd made just minutes before.

"Annie?"

She grabs her clothes and slips them back on, not looking at him. The glimpses of her face look hurt. Numb. 

He wants to beg her to stay a little longer. Stay with him in bed, stay with him emotionally. But his pride wouldn't let him. Hadn't he begged her to join the Shadow Company? Wasn't that enough?

He'd taken his Annie for granted. 

Smiling up at him, leaning onto him, randomly sneaking kisses when she was sure nobody was there.

"There's my Phillip!" She'd grin when they were together, and smother him with hugs and he'd only roll his eyes and pretend he wasn't happy to see her too.

To him, there were two women he'd had the privilege of falling for in Annabelle. 

Annie, his adoring little thing whose rose tinted lenses made her see past the red flags. Who loved him like some hopeless teenage girl and got on his nerves for fun. Who played pranks and did everything to make him smile a little when he was around. Who looked damn pretty when she cleaned herself up, whose lipstick smudged perfectly when he messed with her.

And Sergeant Pham, who was just as good as Soap on the field and ambushed enemy soldiers hiding in crawl spaces or in the vents like some vermin. Who wasn't afraid of other people's blood and fought like she wasn't afraid of dying. Who hung onto her superior officer's words like gospel.

He lost his Annie the moment he followed his orders that November. But he gained Sergeant Pham when he'd convinced her that this job would be in her best interests for her son. Some would call it manipulation. He'd call it getting her to see what was best for her. 

Why won't she look at him?

"Hey." Phillip says quietly. "Annie." 

She turns to him, the dim lamp illuminating her face, her expression empty if not inconvenienced.

"...Stay with me." He says, and he swears he sees her eyes show some sort of emotion.

"I have to get up at-"

"Please." His voice cracks at the end. Her pause seems eternal before she crawls back into the sheets with him. She still doesn't face him, but his arms wrap around her waist and he pulls her close, sighing. 

"I love you." He says again. "I missed you so much, Ann." 

Minutes of silence. He's almost ready to just let himself hold her close until he falls asleep and wakes up without her there when he faintly hears her speak.

"...You too."

[lythea-creation]

Brighten My World - Tasneem x fem reader (Chapter 5)

Chapter 1

Previous Chapter

warnings: none, i think

word count: 937

----------------------

“Are you coming to Omar's birthday party tomorrow night? I'd really love you to be there”, Tasneem proposed.

Once again we were cuddling on her bed after school.

“Sorry, but I can't. I already have plans”, I enlightened her.

“What plans?”, Tasneem wondered, looking down at me.

I had not wanted to tell her at all, maybe after it was all over. After all she had been looking forward to Omar's birthday party for quite some time now as they were pretty good friends. Honestly it surprised me that she had waited so long to ask me to come along. Although she had probably just assumed that I would agree to tag along anyway.

“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's okay”, she reassured me. “It's not like you're obliged to tell me where you are just because I'm your girlfriend.”

“That's not it. I just … I'm going to a memorial for Layan. And I didn't want to tell you because I was scared that you'd feel weird about it or wouldn't be able to enjoy the party”, I admitted.

“Do you want me to come?”, she offered.

“You don't have to.”

She interrupted me: “I know. That's why I asked if you wanted me to come.”

“I don't want you to miss out and feel out of place”, I noted.

“Still not what I asked”, she reminded me.

“Okay”, I snapped. “I want you to come! Happy now?”

She gently stroke through my hair, calming me down again. “I'll come”, she promised.

I wanted to resist again. It felt like I did not deserve her kindness, her support. But at the same time I desperately tried to resonate with myself. After all it was probably my grief that was talking, the urge to isolate myself. The guilt of not being able to save Layan that was gnawing at me. The guilt that was trapping me, telling me that I deserved to suffer.

But it was all in the past. It still hurt of course and rationally thinking it should. Layan had been incredibly precious to me after all.

Yet Tasneem was with me now and I did not want to miss out on my life with her over the one I had lost with Layan. There simply was no going back in time. And considering it was making me feel torn.

Because even if I could change the past, it would mean to lose Tasneem. So the what if scenario was not soothing in the slightest.

“I'm sorry for yelling at you”, I apologized.

“It's nothing really. Hiba's way worse, you know”, she claimed.

“I still don't like it. I don't wanna hurt you”, I noted.

“Like I did when you visited me for the first time?”, she wondered.

“Is it still bothering you?”, I inquired.

I took her hand that was caressing me and turned around a bit to be able to look up at her properly.

“Kinda”, she admitted. “You didn't deserve that.”

“But you needed to vent”, I pointed out. “You were just not used to talking about your feelings. That's why you talked me down. Of course, it wasn't the right way to handle it, but you did all you could. Apologize and not repeat it. There's no need to beat yourself up over it.”

She softly smiled down at me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“But about Hiba”, I changed the topic, sadly making her smile falter. “I really think you should talk to her.”

“Did you forget how she treated you? She literally threatened you”, she recalled.

I had told her about the bathroom incident. Not to screw Hiba, but to get it off my chest.

“Just view it from her perspective. You two have been best friends and all of a sudden you started hanging out with Sarah, placing her over everything and everyone else, including her. I bet she feels like you replaced her and that's why she's acting out so much. She misses and needs you. Now you're spending pretty much all your time with me, which I'm not complaining about by the way. But I think it's understandable for her to be jealous and feel left out”, I considered.

There was a small moment of silence as she was taking my words in.

“Shit”, she cursed quietly. “Why do you always have to be right?”

“Naturally gifted”, I joked, earning a laugh from her. “You could ask her to spend the weekend with you.”

“But we already have plans”, she reminded me.

“Which won't disappear until the next weekend”, I remarked. “I don't want to force you to do anything, but that way you can find out how to handle the situation. You know what your therapist advised you.”

“Be blunt with the people I care about instead of holding up a facade. Yeah, I know”, she declared.

“So what do you think?”, I questioned.

“Okay, I'll try. I do miss her”, she confessed. “Although I really don't wanna leave you alone after tomorrow.”

“Maybe I can hang out with Rania”, I suggested. “I haven't seen her in a long time.”

“Who's Rania?”, Tasneem wondered.

“Layan's best friend. We also came along well, but we kinda lost each other after Layan's death. Were too busy grieving, I guess”, I enlightened her.

“I'll text Hiba then”, she proposed.

I only hoped that it would all work out.

--------------------------

Next Chapter

So what do you think?

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[jaegerisim]

Vent post

there are several tw so heed the tags! if you do not want to read this pls scroll past! <3

i've been an abusive on and off relationship for the last 2 years.

the guy is a year older than me and we first started dating 4 months after we'd first met. it was shortly after i was raped.

so, i was still traumatized. i did not want to kiss him or get physical. he began to emotionally manipulate me, until i agreed to kiss him and officially date him. he told me it would be a simple kiss. it wasn't. he began to make out with me and i was like "ok. fine. i can do this" but then he began to take my clothes off. i told him to stop. that i didn't want to continue he told me he wouldn't hurt me. that he loved me and wanted what was best for me. for us. i said nothing and reluctantly had sex with him.

2 days later he started an argument over me having spent 4 hours eating with my friends when i initially said it would only take 2 hours. i cried. he cried too. i felt bad bc he said that he was only looking out for me and was worried for me. i naïvely believed him. i felt like i was the bad guy. like i was the one who had done something wrong. i apologized and he forgave me.

3 days later he asked for some space (we'd only been dating for 5 days). i accepted and believed he would txt me after he'd felt like enough time had passed.

a month later he blocked me. i spent the whole night crying in a panic attack wondering what i'd done wrong.

3 days after he'd blocked me, he unblocked me and sent 19 texts calling me a slut, a whore, a freak, a bitch, a cunt. said he'd never loved me and only wanted me for the sex and my body. that he loved another girl. i immediately blocked him.

i spent the next 2 months in a depression and constant state of anxiety. i self harmed and was irritable. i isolated myself from my friends and family.

i saw him again when the uni year started. he told me he loved me and wanted me back. i ignored him the first 2 months. the third month, he began to flirt with a bunch of sorority girls and spread shit about me. these girls harassed me, both online and in real life, for 5 months. i began to date a new guy that was sweet and loving. my abuser began to bully him, until the guy eventually dumped me and even left uni. i fell into another depression.

my abuser came to me and said he was sorry for everything. that it wouldn't happen again. that he wanted me back, that he loved me. he bullied the girls and drove them to commit suicide.

i told him to go to therapy. he got diagnosed with bpd, sociopathy, psychopathy, ptsd and major depression. he was on all sorts of medication. after that we began to date again and he said he wanted me to keep us quite. i naïvely agreed. then he asked for marriage. i accepted and told my family about us. they weren't happy but said nothing bc they saw that i was happy.

we stopped seeing each other when my family and i went on holidays. he didn't call or text. said it was bc he had lost my phone number when his phone feel down the stairs and broke (his "new" phone looks exactly the same as his "old" one). my family told me to break up with him. i argued with my family but they eventually let me keep dating him.

2 weeks after we'd seen each other again, a friend texts me and says that he (a senior) was caught hitting on a freshman. i cried and threw up, but i broke up with him. he begged me to not break up with him. i didn't budge.

now a week later, he is calling me a stalker, a bitch, a slut while stalking me and my gf. he follows me home. he takes pictures of me. he has manipulated underclassmen into stalking me for him.

idk what to do atp. i feel horrible and i feel dirty and disgusting.

[possessionisamyth]

went through ur resident evil tags, saw everything and felt for the fandom part big time

what was ur experience with it like? what could u possibly NOT like about it? pour ur heart out 🙏

Every old fandom that blows up suddenly with newcomers age ranged between preteens to young 20 somethings is going to be insufferable. You get the "fandom veterans" who've been in it since the first game dropped being "well actually" about every damn thing AND the newer fans deciding to change how the narrative functions to fit into what's currently popular and modern. It's why a lot of the infighting is occurring.

I'm a newer fan, but I am older than most of the fans that have recently gotten into RE these last few years so I'm in this weird spot. I've already stated in past posts I don't give a fuck what the directors or voice actors intended to do with the characters because if the game or movie doesn't show it, then they failed in executing their goals. Leon's VA can say whatever he wants about his Cleon intentions, but since their dialogue nor the execution of it didn't ring as romantic then guess what! It's not romantic! He just has a ship preference! The directors said Death Island was supposed to be Jill's comeback, but guess who gets most of the lines? Leon! Some comeback right? Guess who FAILED in executing their intentions so it doesn't count as canon. Those guys!

I also don't care about what information is found in old game faq magazines from the early 2000s that "prove" one backstory or another. Is it interesting to now how the fandom behaved when certain games and movies dropped and their responses to it? Yes! Is it cool to look at interviews from past VA's, face claims, mocap actors, directors, and writers to understand their inspiration when it comes to creating those stories? Absolutely! Is it fun to have this knowledge because you like the media and there's a lot of fan made stuff to sift through already? Of course! Are you an asshole when you start lauding any of this information as canon without being able to point out exactly where it happens in the game I'm playing or movie I'm watching?

Yes.

Yes, you're an asshole.

I've fumbled with my own takes and interpretations. Nobody's perfect. I get information wrong sometimes and end up doubling down when I should step away. We've all done it. Sometimes the block button hits you before you can apologize, and you just gotta live with it. I interpret things differently in and out of the moment. Everyone does. Why else would there be a whole subset of people who market Piers as this really important character for shipping reasons but then decide to magically absolve him of the very real and dangerous power he had over an amnesiac Chris in RE6? Why else would there be a lack of people giving Ethan the same smoke they give Mia for not viewing Eveline as a child but a thing that needed to be killed? Why else would there be people who treat Leon like a poorly written woman character by giving him a pussy and making him a crybaby bottom who needs to be babysat and comforted and gets pregnant by Chris or Krauser, but there's also strange lack of any trans woman narratives for him despite many artists or authors being trans themselves? Different interpretations is why! :) (Side note: I love trans man Leon narratives. Most of you do not write him the way he is once you've given him a pussy tho.)

I haven't left the fandom. Like with all of my media interests, after the initial boom where it consumes me is gone, I just go to my little corner and make things I like with the hope I run into a few people who also like it. I'm still in the tags looking for news updates, finding art that I like, and skimming past other people's perspectives on the story. I'm also going to the biohazard event in USJ either this month or next month.

I don't know if you wanted a vent post with like a numbered list of issues I have with the fandom. Since you've read through my RE stuff, you've probably seen me touch on all my issues with fanon in passing at least once or twice. If you're looking for something more specific, you'll have to clarify tho. Thanks for the message!

[coridallasmultipass]

Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)

-

So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.

Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.

The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)

It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.

Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)

Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.

So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)

[circular-bircular]

This is strictly a vent. Not looking for a debate or engagement. Tagged as syscourse so those who are interested can see but that’s all.

Caveat for everything you’re about to read: when I say “pro-endos do x,” I mean “in my experiences, I have had many pro-endos do this to me or have witnessed many do this, and it needs addressed.” It isn’t me attempting to overgeneralize. Shout out to the pro-endo friends I’ve made who are equally horrified by this shit.

Tw for harassment, sui, fakeclaiming, religious trauma

Lately I’m seeing a lot more bullshit from some certain pro-endos, and while the servers I’m in (which range all span of syscourse ideologies) feature a lot of people in agreement that these takes are horrific, it still pains me to see so many people supporting things said uncritically - particularly about anti endos. And every time I see this, the behavior of recent pro-endos, I’m reminded of what I’ve been through in the past. I think too many pro-endos love to ignore what their side does, while consistently continuing to do those actions that made me leave that community in the first place.

Just within the past few weeks:

Harassing a system, who believed they were diagnosed, into believing they were endogenic. Then, after the system privated the blog before redoing it all with no mentions of who they were before, a pro-endo system reblogging it with “reverse psychology” saying that the user wasn’t a system. While an apology came out from that pro-endo… 1, how the fuck do you think that’s okay in the first place, and 2, the apology continued to suggest they were willogenic. Disgusting.

Continued positing that hearing voices is what makes you plural - a fact that I, as someone with religious trauma, resent. I was told often growing up that I would “hear the voice of god in my soul,” and it sent me into regular panics about how I wasn’t Christian Enough for my parents. I remember sobbing and going home early to pray for multiple hours, begging the voice of god to speak in me. So when I first heard voices in my head? I’m lucky that the misogyny I was raised with convinced me it was RP characters, because “god is male, this is just my writings.” Had I been in endogenic spaces when I first learned of my system, I feel it would’ve been incredibly easy for people to convince me that the voices I heard were spiritual in nature, and that it made me an endogenic system, hearing lovely voices (instead of the self-proclaimed broken pieces of who I wish I could’ve been). Suggesting that every person who hears voices could count under the plural label is blatantly ignoring the trauma many people experience.

Furthermore, it’s discounting the origins of the term plural, which was popularized by endogenic systems. Yes, while DID systems do often fit the definition of having multiple autonomous agents - many (such as myself) detest this label and would not like it to apply to them. Continuing to suggest that “well you can’t just say you aren’t when you do fit the label” is suggesting it’s okay to mislabel someone when you feel the label they use isn’t good enough. And this has been a running theme in the pro-endo community. I remember getting told constantly “you could be autigenic” and having so many fucking systems encouraging me to research it, to go on pluralpedia and sight-see, so much so that those memories were mostly blocked until this past year! And were those experiences bad at the time, NO! I was accepted, “loved,” just like my overprotective manipulative parents loved “me” - the me they decided I was. And to this day, pro-endos are still deciding who other people are.

Repeatedly calling anti-endos sanist, bigots, hate groups, etc - while making wild, outlandish claims about them. Do I believe some are? Yes! But saying this, in general, without evidence is… ugh.

Repeatedly saying they send harassment while never fucking acknowledging the harassment pro-endos send!! Or did we forget the first bullet point already? Why is it that every fucking time a system gets harassed - endo OR traumagenic - the only people I see publicly calling it out are anti endos and syscourse unaligneds? Maybe, once or twice, I’ll see pro endos call it out. But never the big ones - never the big names, the ones who have thousands of followers. Instead they’re too busy Spreading Positivity UwU while people are being driven to suicide over what alignment they are.

Speaking of suicide - guess what! I shouldn’t have to repeatedly explain my suicidal ideation to people online just for you all to understand that the talks you post about how anti endos harassed you and triggered YOUR suicidal ideation should have a fucking triggering warning. I’m not saying don’t vent about it - look, I’m doing it now - but fucking tag your shit properly! So many systems out there struggle with suicidal thoughts. You all are making it even worse.

Everything I see, every day, from pro-endos on tumblr is screaming and shitting and crying about how most of not all anti endos are horrific, fakeclaiming monsters who are hateful and will never accept anyone who deviates from the norm.

Meanwhile, my experiences?

I joined a server, one I thought was marketed as anti endo (due to the sheer number of anti endos in it) after months of struggling with my disorder. The anti endos who ran this server were the ones who offered me advice that helped. I sought advice everywhere. Pro endos told me “don’t worry! You’re valid! I don’t know how to help but I’ve been there!” Whereas anti endos told me “that sounds like another aspect of dysfunction - here’s what helps, and don’t worry, dysfunction doesn’t mean incapable.” I reach out again, say “what is the meaning of dysfunction and distress.” Pro endos tell me ableism, and ‘it’s all that one guy who changed MPD to DID’s ableist fault,” while anti endos provided me sources and comfort and told me I wasn’t broken.

I joined the server and immediately felt as if I would be banned for my views. I was calling myself anti-endo at this time, however briefly, but I still mostly believed that brains can be fucky. I also believed in my created alters. I came in swinging… and. Found people cheering on the fight. They agreed with me in most cases - on such topics like fakeclaiming being horrific no matter what, that harassment is NEVER okay, and that endogenic systems deserve respect. When we did disagree, it was on the scientific nature of things.

The sources. God the sources were incredible. Discussions of the sources Endogenics provide, discussions of the sources about DID/OSDD, discussions of the sources regarding MaDD, hearing voices, gender, sexuality, and DID, and even more. Entire resource channels. Where were these when I was struggling?

Minimal blacklists, where discussions of trauma are guided, but never banned. Nothing was condemned. Triggers are YOURS to deal with, not someone else’s, and it’s mature and well handled. It’s almost like, Woah, im ALLOWED to be traumatized here? Unlike every pro-endo space that has accused me of trauma dumping by me mentioning what fawning is.

I talk regularly in that space about my created alters. And. That’s valued and agreed with. Some don’t get it - but they don’t need to! Remarkably, my validation does not come from them! Instead it is discussed reasonably and with understanding!!!

There’s channels for spirituality. Channels for personality disorders. There’s discussions of how having a complex dissociative disorder impacts these things. There’s advice, and help, and comfort, and sources.

I compare my experiences in these spaces to the experiences I had with pro-endos - my experiences being manipulated, condemned, harassed, threatened with Doxxing, fakeclaimed, everything - and I just… cannot understand why people generalize anti endos the way they do.

And remember. I’ve been harassed by anti endos too. I was pro endo for 5 entire years, vocal in syscourse, comparing the “sysmeds” to transphobes same as the rest of the pro endos. I was aggressive, firm, in attack mode. And yet I can recognize that anti endos aren’t a hate group.

And if they are? Then so are pro endos. And I wish that even one of the big names would fucking acknowledge it.

[applepies-and-starlight]

Hi hi it's 1am here and the thoughts are Not Great so scroll past if you don't want to see the pettiest vent in your life 'k thanks ♡

So you know that post about me being scared about sharing my work if it isn't the popular opinion or anything generally commonly appealing? Yeah so as I was typing out the tags my brain threw a core memory at my face and went "you absolutely know why"

Anywau basically like, i was an undertale fan during the undertale renissance (is that how you spell it?) And i was fucking OBSESSED over glitchtale (until early season 2 + before camila was outed to be a shitbag) and thought glithtale was very very cool

Ankther thing is that i was a chronic deviantart scroller at the tjme (also on google images) and i love lovr loooooved looking at people's art

So i was like "hey i could do that too!" And started making fanart for glitchtale, specifically that final battle part where they're in The Orb™ in s1

I was doing it in school because at this point everyone was basically just hanging out (my elementary's system was 1st grade to 6th grade (i was... 5th grade iirc) And also had this weird systen where the younger half of elementary would go home 2 hours earlier than the older half (1pm), idk why) and like, because there was literally just 4 people here because small school, i showed my wip to the other 3 people present in the area

They made fun of it

Yeag,,

They made fun of. Basically Everything.

The thing that primarily stuck with me was how they teased about frisk's posing and the overall edginess of the piece, but mostly how frisk looked stypid (which, 1. Y'all play fnaf and brag that you're cool though kids you don't have room to talk; 2. It was The Orb™ fight,,, of course it was gonna be edgy,,,,)

It's somewhere in a landfill now, i threw it in the trash and never fished it out... probably decomposed by now, it's been 8 years (holy shit it's been 8 years)

I... think they apologized? Idk i just know they had a "wait shit no-" moment when i threw it in the trash but i was already mad about it so, yeag

Like... i like to say that it doesn't affect me that badly anymore but i'm pretty sure it still is? I literally can't look at my art anymore without thinking of how bad it looks compared to everyone else's and i also am physically unable to Not agree with others (i literally forced myself to hate homura akemi pmmm because a friend didn't see the nuance in her character and just relegated her to "bitch" lmao) and Good Lird i have crippling perfectionism because if 1 person hates it then everyone does right??? Lmao

Deadass nowadays i just can't bring myself to make or share any ideas or pick up anything creative because i HAVE to get it perfect in 1 go otherwise i'll be ridiculed for it; I'm Trying to outgrow these problems but it's jist So Dicking Hard akfjshdjdhr and it seriously doesn't help tjat there was a seperare (smaller) incident where i found one of my drawings crumpled on the floor by someone

Man i'm kinda fucked up am i?

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Vent. Sorta. Please don’t read based on the tags if you’re not in the right headspace to receive it.

I am over the shit involving NR. It’s spreading like wildfire, only gaining momentum, infecting spaces that were once positive areas to find safety, and I’m tired.

And maybe I was wrong in wishing to silence it. Maybe I’m biased because of the admiration I have for the man. I try to see the good in him on such a personal level that I’m willing to overlook the bad. It’s not something I’ve been innocent of in the past in my personal life.

Even though no one has expressed such, I feel like I’ve added negatively to the situation rather than anything positive. Maybe one day I’ll learn my lesson and just keep all opinions to myself unless I am 100% certain I can articulate in a beneficial way.

Regardless, this is bigger than me.

I have the last Whumptober prompt queued to post automatically on the 28th. Other than that, I will be attempting a break. I have no idea for how long. It could just be a day. It could be a month. If it goes into November, I apologize and will do what I can at that point to handle the requests I took on.

It’s my hope to return with the ability to write for myself and my readers and leave everything else out of it. Fanfiction only. I at least made a step toward that last time by removing my reviews of TWD:DD.

Once again, I find myself needing to say that I am sorry if I offended anyone or gave anyone the idea that I didn’t care about their opinion or that their feelings aren’t valid.

[warwickroyals]

GENERAL DISCUSSION OF TRIGGER WARNINGS FOLLOWS - MENTIONS OF PREGNANCY LOSS, VIOLENCE, AND GORE FOLLOWS

I can't lie, it's crazy to me that just over a year ago I was borderline harassed for not putting an ask I received about how my characters reacted to a miscarriage under a cut. The post was tagged with the TWs, and contained no visuals or graphic wording but some people became extremely hostile when I tried to explain why my reasoning for not hiding the answer. Some people were polite, and I learnt how to make my story more accessible to them, but others were just plain hurtful and I got the vibe that they weren't trying to help at all.

Now, I guess it's acceptable to have posts with graphic violence, blood/gore, and general NSFW content all above the cut, with no warnings on the posts themselves save for the tags. I've seen posts that depict everything from gun violence to images of decapitation on simblr this past year alone. And you know what? That in itself is fine and I'm glad people can express themselves in a way that's comfortable for everyone. My issue isn't with other people telling their stories however they want. However, I can't lie the double standard does bother me a little.

It bothers me that the anons I got never apologized after I expressed my discomfort, in fact I continued to receive patronizing anons about proper TWs on several more occasions throughout that year. Frustrating, because these anons felt trivial (when I didn't put things under a cut I was triggering people, when I put mentions of things under a cut I was hiding important information despite having previous warnings not under a cut). What was even more bothersome is that I know for a fact that people "behind the scenes" were gossiping about how triggering my story was and used it for an explanation as to why they cut me off, basically implying that I was a bad person or morally corrupt. I later learned that these were just excuses, but it still impacts me. I'm always worrying if someone will send me anon hate or if I'm a toxic person. Having that stew in my mind for so long made me doubt my self-confidence. I've had to remind myself several times that I'm not the only person on simblr or even royalty simblr writing about suicide, substance abuse, and trauma. Still, I felt like a pariah and it took quite a few months to get over that.

Anyway, this was just a little vent no one asked for, but I honestly believe talking about it openly is healthier for me than having it eating away at me for so long. I'm entitled to speak about these things and be open. This isn't a way for me to stir the pot, but rather a way for me to just get some closure and just move on. Now I'm very confident in my story and I can't wait to continue posting content on Monday :)

[spiritpraiseandbeautifulhumanity]

Apologies for this but this is the most sick to my stomach, angry, distressed -and I don’t even know what other words to use it’s just a mix of negative emotions- that I’ve ever felt regarding certain things/people I’ve come across in a long time. TW for abuse, incest, and just general venting under the cut.

So I made the mistake of looking through some of the latest posts under one of the tags for Sister, and came across this post discussing someone’s take on me regarding chapter 3 and whatnot. That post was generally okay except for the end where they briefly mention ideas related to how things would be if I left Sister. But besides that final section, everything else in the post was mostly alright. However, I then noticed how at the bottom of the post someone had reblogged it and added onto what was said. I was already getting red flags from the fact I’m blocked by them, but didn’t think too much of it initially and just pulled up the post on my browser so I could read the rest of it. But then I started to get curious about why they may have blocked me and wanted to check their profile, so I did. The profile itself isn’t too bad, just mainly reblogs of fanart, but it was the pinned post that led to my despair. A carrd was linked and naturally I clicked on the link to read it. Pretty generic stuff and then, immediately one section made me extremely uncomfortable and instantly I knew why I was blocked and the realization of it all just hit me. Besides the fact they heavily ship something I’m personally uncomfortable with due to it having been associated with an ex of mine, the specific carrd dni was just the horrific cherry on top. Now generally I’m uncomfortable by these sorts of people but they don’t tend to affect me all that much usually. But when I saw this it just made me absolutely sick to my stomach what with the hypocrisy of it and the detached way they blocked me. I’m sorry my words aren’t describing it well enough but it just, how they claim to like me so much and are passionate about me and stuff and then their dni is literally in a way just “Korekiyo DNI and stay as far away from me as possible” plus how they blocked me like I’m just disgusted(if that’s even the right word to use) and tired of people who don’t want anything to do with me liking Sister, our canon relationship, and the way I am about her and yet still claim to love and understand me and accept me for who I am, like no you don’t. People like this are why I try to avoid the Danganronpa fandom because people can rarely ever seem to treat me right no matter what their personal stance on me is. Like if they truly liked me they wouldn’t want to hate on and paint sister as this terrible horrific demonic monster without holding any regard for my feelings of her and wouldn’t try to imagine situations where I’ve separated from her. They wouldn’t if they truly liked me, but they do. They do, and because of that I can’t trust majority of those who claim to be my “fans”. So I avoid them unless they find me because most that do are the ones who actually do like me. But I’m just tired of those who are like “dni if you like Sister” and that all the tumblr tags are mainly just hate, I’m just so sick and tired of those who claim to like me and then deny and hate the fact of my intense unchanging feelings towards Sister. It sickens me. Ugh I’m getting like no sleep because of this why can’t I just be normal why do I have to be affected so negatively by things like this. I just wish people could be more respectful when it comes to our relationship. Like, I don’t care what she did in the past or whatever she makes me happy and we’re happy together and that’s all that matters. And people need to stop acting like I don’t feel that way or try to destroy what makes me happy. Idk I’ve said too much sorry I’m too weird and obsessed and I care too much about what others think and shouldn’t even really be saying anything so I’m sorry, I wish I was normal but I’m not. At least I’m happy though even if people can’t accept the ways in which I’m happy. Okay sorry I know I’ve said too much I’ll shut up now, and I’ll try to never do something like this again.